#and lost everything again

[kikizoshi]

It's amazing how much of my progress with understanding and working with Nikolai as a character is predicated on his backstory. His backstory, which is exclusive to me, because I'm the one who made it. But every time I'm working on any questions to do with his philosophies or motivations, I have to delve into his past. It's so essential. No wonder I couldn't get anywhere with canon Nikolai--there literally just isn't enough there. Not enough for someone like me, anyway. I'm sure it's possible.

#like I think I've just realised that it wasn't so much that Fyodor did anything in particular to Nikolai #like from his perspective they were close friends but he didn't do anything extra like manipulate him #but for Nikolai Fyodor was an aspect of his stability--his ability to feel okay #because Nikolai's always searching for peace in the wrong places #like 'if I just had this I'd be okay' but of course he's wrong. because unless he finds it within himself #any feeling of stability is temporary #but it's always been like that for him. and in his 20s finally in Petersburg acting and meeting Fyodor #he had a place he could express himself and people he could be himself around. and for a while that was genuinely enough. he was happy #happy in a way he'd never really been before #but then when Fyodor was arrested it was like it all came crashing down again. suddenly nothing felt right. and nothing he did could fix it #he tried to live in spite of it but his emotions were crippling him. he just couldn't anymore. so he ran away again. #and lost everything again #and he finally realised that as he was he'd never be free to do anything. he'd always be trapped by his own feelings #and sure he could maybe find happiness again and rebuild but it would never last. this would just happen again and again #and thus he ended up at canon #of course there's a lot more than just that. many moments that make up those broad strokes. foreshadowing. #things weren't always perfect even at their best #and when it really started with his brother's death at 9 and suddenly being the eldest--all of that had a big impact on him too #but *all* of that comes from my backstory. without it where would I be? probably nowhere #bsd nikolai #bsd #writing #this still doesn't explain why he'd turn to terrorism and not just kill himself but it's a start

[meagancandraw]

You ever think about how neither of them got to say goodbye?

#TSAMS #Sun and Moon Show #The Sun and Moon Show #TSAMS Lunar #SAMS Lunar #Sun #SAMS Sun #FNAF Sun #FNAF #Five Nights At Freddy's #MeaganCanDraw #I love New Moon a lot don't get me wrong but Old Moon's and Sun's relationship wasn't black and white (as much as NM wants to insist it was #YES Old Moon treated Sun horribly YES he wasn't the best person but #their relationship was also complicated and messy and they both genuinely loved each other despite everything #So much of what they did was for each other and that adds even more to the tragedy of their relationship and Moon's death #Sun and Old Moon's final conversation was them fighting #Moon's final in-person words to him were “I love you and I'm sorry” #to which Sun didn't say anything bc he was mad at him (which I don't blame him for given everything that happened in that episode) #Do you think Sun has realized this? How often does he go back to that moment #How often has he imagined himself saying or doing something different? Something that would've resulted in them leaving that bunker togethe #Meanwhile Lunar lost the person who gave him a new life and a family that actually cares about him #And he was in Moon's head for months and saw first hand how much his regrets and trauma affected him #Both of which would eventually destroy him due to the cycle of self-loathing he was trapped in #How much does HE think about that? #Anyway sorry for not posting for nearly (checks watch) two years?? #It'll likely happen again #1k

[kugisakiss]

an unusual video is trending in japan right now...

#dcmk #detective conan #edogawa conan #i made the yt comment section by changing the source code on yt #i was almost done editing it and then i had to do it all again bc i accidentally clicked a link and lost everything. i almost cried ngl #all usernames were changed but not the profile pics #happy april fools day and ks anniversary to anyone who celebrates #my art

[copias-juicebox]

scusi?? 😳🥵 x

#how eh.. i lost my train of thought what? #if anyone ever asks me why i am feral for this man #show em that #everything about this #sorry this lives in my mind rent free #am i unhinged again today?? does this have anything to do with it?? take a guess #thanks leah for sending me this #long ass post i know but i'm not sorry you need this is full size #tobias forge #ghost #ghost band #copia #papa emeritus #ghesties #ghost sweden #the band ghost #myedit #papa emeritus iv

[bluerosefox]

The (Not) Normal One...

So

I LOVE the stories where Danny is deaged and later found by one of the bats and taken in as a son or he's Bruce's bio son and is either Damian's twin or half brother or little/big brother BUT I don't see a lot of reborn/reincarnated Danny into the batfamily (I can think of two but one of them he is Dick's son?clone?somewhat clone? And the other is an amazing story where Danny is reborn as Jazz and Jason's kid and I love it to bits)

So let's change that a bit and have some fun.

Here's the idea

Danny, either from finally aging to his death (it was slow and long aging but he is still partly human too don't forget that) or dying at the hands of GIW (or by his parents if we go the Bad!Fentons route), is reborn into the batfamily.

He could either be Bruce and Selina's kid after they finally tie the knot, or be a one more attempt by Ra's or Talia to get the heir they want but is immediately found out when Tim notices certain labs active and they find baby Danny. OR Danny can be an oops baby to Bruce's one night stands OR one of the batboys baby. EITHER WAY, Danny is reborn into the family from the start.

And he has his memories. (He has little hints of his powers btw, they dont fully come in until his 14th bday)

And his new family all swear to give him a proper and happy childhood (as best as they can seeing how it's Gotham)

Only I want Danny milking being a baby then toddler/kid and later a teen for all its worth. He's going to enjoy this new life with everything he gots.

Like imagine the chaos and shenanigans he gets into as a toddler. He's the king of hide-and-seek. He uses his tears to get away from whoever annoys him. He's mastered the puppy dog look to get away with things (it holds no effect on Alfred though, man is immune to all tricks).

But then of course there's the... odd things that happen around him. Sometimes they catch him talking to no one. Sometimes they spot a ball or a toy rolling to Danny despite him not touching it. Sometimes they think they see or hear someone in the room with Danny only to go busting in to find nothing. (One time someone busted his nursery door down they heard on his baby/toddler monitor the distorted voice of a woman singing him a lullaby (it was Martha who was soothing him to sleep after a tiny nightmare, boy was Bruce not ready for one of his kids to hum the tune in the morning)).

Danny asking for an extra drink and the newspaper after Bruce is done before he runs off to one of the many sitting rooms the manor has. There he leaves the drink and the newspaper near a chair, hops into another chair nearby and chats to someone (they all think its his imaginary friend but that honestly doesn't explain why the drink seems to slowly disappear without anyone touching it. (btw its Thomas, Danny is talking to they like chatting in the morning)

OR when Danny gives hints to cases his family is working on, how he knows? No one knows. Sometimes they chalk it up to a kid randomly saying stuff or seeing it from a different simple outlook but sometimes it seems a little too on the nose and they think Danny might know about their night jobs... (He does know, but he gets some info from Lady Gotham who visits him and gives him little hints to pass onto her fav Knights)

Basically what I want is a reborn Danny trying to get a decent childhood/teenage years before his powers kick in full swing, his family trying the same but they got no idea about the powers (maybe), and ghosts like to visit Danny. The shenanigans that follow will be amazing.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #dp x dc #blue rambles #batman #crossover #writing ideas #random idea #danny phantom dc #dp x dc crossover #Lady Gotham is a regular visitor to the manor since day 1 #Danny respects the heck out of her and drops everything to chat with her when she comes over #it confuses the others when suddenly he stops playing with them and goes to sit in random places and speak to the air #he has to be sneaky about the talks once he's older cause he really doesn't wanna be seen as crazy though #Martha and Thomas still 'live' at the manor but aren't strong enough to really show themselves #that starts changing with Danny around #his natural halfa state and powers kinda fill the space/manor with more ectoplasim #One time Danny got lost or kidnapped but escapes with Lady Gotham's help who shields him the entire time he's on the run #again Danny does have powers but they are no where near powerful yet #at most he can disappear from sight for a bit #phase into walls if he really tries #and floats in the air for a bit #if he's in danger there is a chance he can tap into the stronger stuff however #He may had frozen Joker into place when the clown went after him and triggered his fear when he was a toddler #the batfamily really want to let Danny have a childhood and are willingly ignoring some of the weird stuff #but sometimes things get a little too weird #they think he might be a budding meta though #is this silly? yes #do I want this to be a thing? Heck yeah #reborn danny

[jays-therapist]

femslash feb, day 4: doomed by the narrative

#VERY VERY LATE FEMSLASH FEB ENTRY #I've literally hated everything I've created this month (including this) #but I really wanted to participate so here's some kyosaya for the soul #they make me insane. Everything about them #what if I lost you to your despair so I killed the both of us so you would never have to be alone again #And we were both girls #pmmm #kyosaya #my art (unfortunately) #minifemslashfeb2024

[crazy-ache]

We are not the same.

Some folks: SJM foreshadowed a blood duel between Azriel and Lucien in the Bonus Chapter to win Elain’s heart/claim his mate.

Me, an intellectual: SJM foreshadowed the blood duel in regard to Lucien because he will use it to save Elain’s life, likely from Beron, because this time he will be powerful enough to stop Jesminda’s fate from repeating itself again.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain x lucien #elucien head canon #anti e/riel #yall this is called a red herring #this is clearly Zuko’s story from ATLA where he was helpless and lost everything to exile by failing to fight his father in a duel #but when faced in a duel again he will prove his power against his horrible dad #Lucien was willing to lay down his life for Feyre his friend #don’t you realize he is going to do the same for his mate? #and he’s going to WIN and save her because there’s no way in hell he will let history repeat itself #especially for his mate #Lucien would never blood duel out of jealousy #he acts with honor and loyalty #yall will see #this is a story of his growth and coming into his own power too and getting justice from his father #and I just know Elain is going to help him in some way #pro lucien vanserra

[shima-draws]

I’ve mentioned it before but I’m a fucking sucker for unhealthy dependent relationships. There’s just something about them that is so. Chef’s kiss 👌

Anyway I’m still thinking about how Law was so attached to Cora and was so traumatized by his death that he literally devoted thirteen YEARS of his life to revenge killing Doflamingo. Even though all Cora ever wanted was for Law to just be free and live his life happily. And Law spending all his time in a hateful revenge spiral is literally the exact OPPOSITE of what Cora wanted for him. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. If the thirteen years of endless devotion to avenging his savior wasn’t enough Law 1. Named his pirate crew the Heart Pirates in honor of Cora, 2. Covered himself in permanent heart-themed tattoos in honor of Cora, and 3. Fashioned his Jolly Roger to be a mockery of Doflamingo’s and ALSO to honor Cora. Homie is a walking memorial for a man he only really knew for six months and again crafted the most intricate plan known to mankind to murder Cora’s killer. Because losing Cora fucked him up THAT much. Because even though Cora set him free, the moment Doflamingo shot him Law was chained to the memory of a man who no longer existed. Law literally fashioned his entire life down to his own appearance after Cora and it makes me so insane. I cannot even imagine what went through his head after Dressrosa I mean how do you move on after a thirteen year grudge is put to rest. What is he supposed to do now. Avenging Cora was literally his entire existence, his entire reason for living for half of his life. He needs therapy probably. If Cora somehow ever did come back to life Law would lose his fucking mind. The dependency is SO unhealthy and I am SO here for it

#Anyway this is not me promoting unhealthy relationships irl #If you are that dependent on someone that you can’t bear to live without them. Get help! Therapy!! Actually!!! #In fiction tho it is a wonderful treat. Haha yes I love to watch my faves suffer. #One Piece #Trafalgar Law #Donquixote Rosinante #Donquixote Doflamingo #Doflamingo #Cora #One Piece Cora #One Piece spoilers #Dressrosa #Shima speaks #I AM SO. HNNGHHH. I AM UNWELL. I probably also need therapy. LMAO #Oda why did you do this why did you kill Law’s dad (again) #Law: Feel like shit just want Cora-san back #Also I didn’t even get into how much Cora influenced Law’s life VS how his actual blood family influenced his life #Flevance was traumatic as FUCK and yet all of Law’s notable trademarks are still Cora-themed… #(Bc Cora saved him. Bc Cora gave him a reason to live after he thought he’d lost everything) #Slams my head into the wall and howls

[calsvoid]

yes i support jason being taller than bruce for angst purposes and yes i also support jason being shorter than bruce for fluff purposes it’s called bisexuality

#dc #dc comics #batfamily #batfam #batdad #batman #red hood #jason todd #bruce wayne #i just love adding to bruce’s grief #have an extra reminder that everything is different and theres no getting those years back and it’s one more thing you lost #but i also love love and think it’s nice that despite everything jason could still fit into bruce’s arms and feel like a son again

[sluckythewizard]

YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!

#cw gore #cw blood #jrwi fanart #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi suckening #BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY #IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE #VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT #THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME #AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME #I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED? #SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE. #SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT. #GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME #WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!! #I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS #THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF? #OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS #in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade. #hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best #LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS

[freakshowcowboy]

hello.

#this is based on the scene when cas first enters jimmy just before he tells claire hes not her father so i almost captioned this #new body who dis #but i like this too much to make it a joke #castiel #supernatural #draws #spn #anyways im not joking when i say i lost like 5 hours drawing this #i hadnt drawn in probably a couple months by now and the euphoria of drawing again put me on such a high i started this at 7 #then suddenly it was midnight and i was dizzy bc i hadnt eaten since lunch #i have like. maybe 30 minutes of drawing this in my memory everything else is a haze

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this #and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj #but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!! #I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written #there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone #and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost #and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again #but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same?? #they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem #not them* heck #it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself #where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’ #and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories #but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you #and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time #you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them #so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT #sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in #okay bai #bakugou treats! 🍬 #—new treat in the streets! 🍫

[gods-little-meow-meow]

honestly i dont think people give wolf 359 enough credit for being one of the best tragedies ever written. Like the tone of the podcast remains a comedy but just under the surface is the horrifying reality that none of thease characters are ever going to be ok again, sure some of the characters survived, but they return to earth entirely diffrent people, there is no recovering from that, theyve lost everything. what is waiting for them back on earth? what, in the end was their reward?

#wolf 359 #hey im feeling emotions again sorrt #all of the survivors lost fucking everything #what Is waiting for them back at earth? friends and family who grieved for them already? #none of them really won in this case. they never truly left the hephestus. part of them died up there with the others #w359 #kiwi relistens

[kaidiaries]

i still can’t believe they used the instrumental to cigarette daydreams for this mission like that was honest to god attempted murder by insomniac. the song, the nostalgia for the kids they were before emily and ben died and harry got sick, the warm autumn colors, the reunion patching together a pivotal part of peter’s life at a time he literally needs it most after getting fired from brooklyn visions. and in the scene before this, peter’s remembering may’s lesson about maintaining balance in his life then boom the return of one of the people who keep him rooted in life outside the mask when it’s so easy to breeze by it. first act of sm2 i love you.

#also the yearning for something lost in the lyrics to cigarette daydreams… #several people in the insomniac writer’s room were not playing about parksborn #there are times when I feel this game was shorter than the first and wish we’d had more in the third act #but one thing I really appreciate is how much they commit to Harry’s friendship with Peter in the time they’re given #we don’t know him in the first game beyond the research station messages #and they bridged that gap so well similar to how they developed peter and otto before everything also crumbles in sm1 #can you tell I’m replaying rn and experiencing a lot of emotions again #wish I could’ve bottled up and saved my first reaction to this mission in October bc whew #the song floored me #parksborn #peter parker #harry osborn #marvel’s spider-man 2 #spider man 2 ps5

[milo-igidk]

its kinda surreal seeing so many ppl in tiktok like (??????) the new trolls movie bc dude

i used to have trolls as a special interest for SO LONG like you do not understand. those movies meant the world to me but all i heard up and down was how bad and stupid and childish the movies were 😭😭 and now seeing ppl like appreciate them is like HELLO?? EXCUSE ME??

#Ive been normal abt the trolls for a couple of years now but the movie got me giddy and excited again oh my god #kid me wouldve loved everything that happened in the 3d movie and lost their shit abt broppy #trolls #trolls world tour #trolls dreamworks #trolls band together #trolls 3 #queen poppy #trolls branch #trolls broppy #broppy #brozone

[goldensunset]

sometimes the teacher/professor experience is like

professor smiley mcfrienderson, plays music, tries to befriend students, is always in a peppy mood: oh you’re dying? sorry i don’t accept late work :) make sure you write this five page paper! i’m gonna throw a dart at a board to decide whether or not i’ll actually take it for a grade and if i do it’s worth 10% of your total grade and if i don’t you should do it anyway as busywork because learning is fun! :D

professor stone face, who scares you to death on syllabus day and has clearly seen some sort of horrors: yeah you can skip class if you want idc you know what works best for you. btw you can get ten bonus points for taking a funny selfie with me renewable once per week. wanna hear my life story

#peach rambles #when they start the class with ‘good morning!’ and get an understandably lukewarm response #and they’re like ‘oh come on let’s try that again! GOOOOD MORNING!’ #🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 #tells you everything you need to know #meanwhile if they open with the story of how they lost their finger you know it’s gonna be a fun class