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penvisions · 2 months

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by the grit of sandpaper {chapter 5}

Pairing: Jackson! Joel Miller x Patrol Partner! Reader

Chapter Summary: Another overnight patrol, an asked favor, a miscommunication, a fleeting moment of pleasure and it all comes crumbling down. Even worse than you had anticipated, the allure of being a part of something bigger than yourself blinding you into believing it was finally within reach.

Word Count: 10.3k (!!)

Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical language, illusions to past death, illusions to past trauma, blood, mild injuries, hurtful language, town gossip, rumors, negative feelings, pining, heart of gold joel, carpenter joel, woodworking joel, artisan joel, patrol partnership, lots of feelings, angst, hurt and comfort, joel miller's hands need their own warning, intentional flirting, unintentional flirting, casual intimacy, urges to kiss joel miller get their own warning, adult content, teasing, yearning, protective joel, fluff, this is so unbelievably soft, size kink unlocked in reader, (girl, i feel you), reader is described as smaller than joel (bc c'mon), reader has a commonly used nickname but no assigned name, joel and reader pov

A/N: holy shit, i am so sorry for the mix up with the original content. i'm so emotionally drained from today that i didn't realize it wasn't the final version of the chapter that i uploaded. but it's fixed, all scenes are complete and as they should be.

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

It was your fault, you realized. As you set about searching for something you remembered seeing in the house when you had first been assigned to it and moved in with Aiden. It had been one of those things that you stared at in disbelief, startling manic, nearly hysterical laughter that had turned into tears and uneven breaths. So ridiculous to have come across it over a decade after the end of the world.

A pack of index cards.

Index cards. Who needed index cards at the end of the world, when language was all people had. Skills like writing, reading, all faded away and dormant reflexes that could be called upon if and when needed.

It hadn’t mattered if you could write, had the ability to write or read when you were running for your life from Infected and humans, crashing through the remains of what was once a town or city, crashing through snapping and unforgiving forests, crashing through unforgiving open land in the hopes that you weren’t spotted a mile away by someone trying to protect what was theirs or looking for targets.

It was your fault he had pulled away to the point of beginning his…thing with Marsha. The way you had run from him, run from what you had both shared. But it didn’t mean anything, he was...Joel was…an important part of the settlement. Integrated far better than you ever had the chance to and you would just ruin it for him. He had to understand that because he too, hadn’t tried to bring it up.

Gathering them and a few of the cookbooks you had, you settled at the kitchen table. Taking the time to flip through the recipes to find simple ones that could be adapted to the more limited means the settlement could produce. Eager to find ones that Joel wouldn’t find too challenging and would like the end result of.

Just as your pen hit the paper, a knock sounded on your door. Sighing, you set it down and made your way across the front of your home to find Tommy with a crying bundle in his hands.

“Maria left me with ‘im for the day to handle some council business and he won’t stop cryin’.” He looked like he was about to burst into tears himself, but you didn’t say as much. Knowing firsthand how draining it was to look after a newborn.

“Well, good morning to you too.” You said as the man shouldered his way past you and took up half of the couch, an old backpack swinging from his elbow.

“You said to come to you for anything we needed, and I need your help.”

“How do you know I’m not bad with babies, huh? Maybe they hate me and I’m one of those women who don’t like them?”

“But you’re not. Right?” His curls were a frizzled mess, his eyes telling of his sleepless night as they widened and regarded you almost desperately. Rocking the bundle in his arms gently, holding it close, But his arms looked angled weird, totally not in a natural hold. “Joel always said I was too anxious around Sarah when she was super little and that’s why she cried for him for hours until she tired herself out. But he’s busy workin’ on finishing up that new roof before the snow really starts to come down.”

You did know who Sarah was. It had been a rather slow and somber conversation between you and Joel one day in the middle of summer. You had only been going out on patrols with him for a few months at that point. Him and Tommy focusing on getting as much done around the town upon his return, taking longer than usual to add a newcomer to the roster.

He had asked after you, if you lived alone. You had answered yes, saying you lost everyone in the initial chaos of the outbreak. Your city too densely packed for a chance to return home, the only chance at survival had been to immediately flee. He had told you something similar, that he had lost everything but his brother in the wake of the virus. You hadn’t asked after who, but he had told you of his daughter. His biological daughter with a wet chuckle at how she was too kind for this world anyway. You had looked away from his tears, knowing even back then that he needed to speak otherwise it would eat him from the inside out. To think of her constantly and not be able to talk about her must’ve hurt just as much as losing her. Mentions of her sprinkled future conversations and you were glad he trusted you with that part of himself.

But you weren’t sure if Tommy knew you did beyond her name as chalk on a blackboard memorial in his living room.

“I’m good with babies,” You assured the man beside you. Slipping a full bottle from the side of the pack and asked him to dap it to your wrist. You licked up the milky liquid, immediately pinpointing the issue.

“It’s too bland, a little sugar mixed in won’t do any harm. But I prefer maple since it’s got the same qualities of honey but less of the local pollen. Both will help build immunity to the blooms come spring time.” Standing up, you carefully moved the baby to rest along your front, head on your shoulder and moved into the kitchen. The cap had been unscrewed by a watching Tommy and you stirred in a bit of maple syrup that had been collected outside the gates.

The bundle in your arms was still crying, though not as high a volume as when Tommy had first entered the house. Softly hushing and cooing to try and calm him. The second you touched the bottle of sweetened milk to his little lips, he quieted down and began to sip.

“Oh, thank god.” Tommy’s head was in his hands, elbows atop his knees. You settled beside him once again, smiling over at the older man. “Olive, if this is too much, I promise-“

“It’s okay, really.” You let him rest a wide palm on your knee, his fingers caressing the bare skin there as your dress skirt allowed for them to show. His eyes wide and beseeching, making sure you were really okay before he sunk into the cushions. “I’ve made peace with it a long time ago…”

It was his fault. The thought consumed him as he inspected the planks of olive wood, having brought them into the house after the first heavy coat of frost that covered the whole town after a particularly chilly night. He recalled having woken up, shivering as he yanked on a pair of thick socks and searched through the closets in the house for a spare blanket to throw over his bed. How he wondered if you were warm enough in your own bed as he donned his boots unlaced and jacket unzipped to drape another blanket he had taken from the closet over a passed out Ellie in her little studio.

And then he had wondered what type of clothing you wore to bed. When you had answered the door in your robe, it hadn’t looked like you had anything on underneath it aside from maybe underwear and a tank top. Not enough to keep your skin from the chill that tended to seep in through the panes of the windows all around Jackson, despite the blessing of functioning heaters.

He hadn’t gone after you, his attention being called away. You had run off, too startled by being interrupted and most likely embarrassed at being caught in such an intimate moment. But…it had been such a good moment until it had been shattered.

You had shown up at his door in a long dress, the skirt flowing down to your knees, thick fabric around your legs to combat the ever-present chill in the air. There was a whicker basket, handle draped over your forearm. That paired with your worn boots and wide brimmed had had been such a lovely image to open his front door to.

It had been hard not to stare at you and you talked and guided Ellie through dinner, faint music drifting into the kitchen from the living room as he set about cleaning up after each step and setting the table. It was all so domestic and he wanted for more nights like it. Just you and him and Ellie.

Sighing, you made sure to lock the front door behind you. Apron bundled up beneath your armpit and thrown in the general direction of the laundry room door on the other side of the kitchen. Filling and setting a kettle over the stove, you stood and looked out your kitchen window for a moment, taking in the fluffy snow that had attempted to stick as the dark, moody sky brought it over the town. It was still early, the sunrise more than likely about to occur, but it hidden in the overcast.

You shifted your gaze over the counters, logging the ingredients you had on hand for a possible breakfast even if you weren’t terribly hungry at the moment. When they landed on the broken mixing spoon that had decided to crack and splinter last night under your soapy hands as you cleaned up over dinner, you moved to rummage in the hall closet. The scrape of untreated wood along the floor sent a chill up your spine as your fingers closed around what you were searching for.

The thick slab of wood is covered with an old flat sheet. It had been from a tree last year, one that had lost a main branch in the same winds that had taken a whole one from your collection.

It was beautiful. Rich in color, the grain so detailed and curling in beautiful swirls. Burl added layers and looking pretty as it was set just so in the cut. You had kept it, unable to burn it for the soil. The thought of asking Joel to make you a set of cooking utensils had been in the back of your mind for nearly the entire time he had been here. But now with the crop of cutting boards artfully crafted, you were tempted to ask him to make of those from the hefty source in your hands.

But he hadn’t offered you one, hadn’t so much as mentioned that he had begun to make more and more ever since that first one he had been ‘trying out the idea’ in Tommy’s kitchen. You were hesitant to bring it up, but with the holidays only a couple weeks away…you were curious to see his reaction to the request.

You didn’t ask anything of anyone. Not even when you first got here, had taken the time to acclimate to the way life was led here within the settlement. Community, social circles, job detail, patrol. All of it had been taken in stride, and you worked for everything in your possession. Joel did too. You admired him for it.

A few moments later, you were rapping your knuckles against the man’s front door.

Ellie comes around the side, hearing it from her separate garage. She had looked frustrated, then curious, then excited.

“Hey, Olive,” She walks up to you, noticing the wood in your hands. “The old man’s not home, he went to help out with the lil guy.”

“O-oh, okay. I’ll just come back, I guess.” But when you began to inch closer to the porch steps, she ascended them with a small smile.

“Nah, come hang with me until he gets back.” She brushed past you with a soft touch to your arm. A key slid into the lock and then you were hesitantly following her into the house. “Feel free to make some of that god awful coffee you two enjoy so much, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

You saw her dip off down the hall, the sound of her rustling through something behind an open door allowing you the privacy to make up your mind on the offer of coffee as you stood on the threshold to the kitchen. With a determined push, you set about to search for the coffee grounds and mugs. He had only two, one with a detailed owl and another more simple one. It was a plain white one that was hefty and looked like it belonged in the full hands of diner waitress.

It transported you back to late nights and early mornings surrounded by ruckus laughter and inside jokes, the scent of pancakes and bacon cooking on a flattop and the jingle of a bell to signal overflowing plates were ready to be dug into.

“What’s that in the cloth?” Ellie’s curiosity piqued by the bundle you had set down atop the kitchen table, her long thin fingers slowly unwrapping it. With a nod from you, she did so completely. Her eyebrows shot up, thoughts swirling behind her keen eyes. They flicked to the back room just on the other side of the kitchen wall. Her bottom lip was taken between her teeth and she looked like she was trying not to laugh.

“I know it’s silly, but…” You couldn’t help but feel nervous admitting it out loud, that you wanted to ask Joel to take some of his sparse free time for a personal project. You poured yourself a steaming cup of the finished coffee, searching for the sugar cannister. “This has been drying for nearly a year and I was gonna ask Joel-“

“Gonna ask Joel what?” His voice sounded from the doorway into the kitchen, startling you both. You rushed to put yourself between him and the table, a poor attempt to hide the plank of wood from his curious eyes. He looked tired, no doubt having been up more than resting all last night if he had been over at Tommy and Maria’s.

Taking that as her queue to leave, Ellie bolted out the back door with a hollered goodbye.

“Oh, um. Hi,” You waved slightly at him, unsure of how he would take to coming home to his house and finding you in his kitchen. Even if Ellie had said it would be okay. You were nervous, knowing that asking for something was a tricky thing. Even if he was so willing to give to others; his time, his attention, his skills. “I ha-have this.”

Moving out of the way as he crept closer on heavy feet, you allowed him to see the olive wood you had hauled over here.

“I-I was wondering i-if you’d be able to make a set of cooking utensils out of this? But I understand if you’re too busy, or don’t want to work with the dense wood, or don’t have the time-“

"Of course, sweetheart. I’ll try my best for you." And just like that he melted all your worries away and a smile pulled at your lips.

He easily moved the chunk of wood from the kitchen to his workspace. The muscles of his arms bulging beneath his flannel, the muscles of his shoulders straining at the fabric over his broad shoulders. All for your viewing pleasure as you followed behind him. The room was smaller than you expected, on his ground floor, just down the hall from the kitchen. But it was such a reflection on who he was.

The main desk had a comfortable looking chair, thick cushion on the seat. Atop it was an open book, propped up on a few stacked behind it and open to a stunning photograph of a deer. In the center was a partially carved figurine of the deer in the photo, shavings around it and tools lined up in a half circle around the back of it.

“How many pieces did you want?” He carefully bent his knees and lowered the wood to the ground, atop a tarp that several long pieces of lumber were set on and leaning against the wall. Blocks of wood beside them and lined up against the wall almost like bricks.

“Oh, um, just however many you can manage.” The crack of his knees as he straightened worried you, but it happened to you more and more so you understood it wasn’t really painful so much as uncomfortable most of the time.

"The cutting boards all around town...” Trailing off as a familiar scent caught your attention through the general smell of lumber, you moved toward the pile of wooden planks lined up along the wall like books atop a work table. There were many shades and types of wood, all different steps of being sanded down or stained, shavings nestled in a waste bucket beneath. Tools scattered over the surface and small cannisters of sealant and paint stacked neatly beside them. Two of the planks of wood were light, ashy and your attention honed in on them as you moved toward the table. “It was kinda my idea and I was wondering if-"

"Sweetheart, I can't make you one." You startled at the boom of his voice so close, blocking your view from the stack of them as he moved to stand in front of you. The hand that had been reaching out with the intention of caressing them fell back to your side.

"Oh, um, okay." You cast your eyes down, taking in the worn leather of his boots. Of yours. There were so many of them, easily two handfuls and yet he wasn’t willing to share one with you. But everyone else around town seemed to be worthy and you couldn’t help but wonder why you weren’t. You were friends, he had said it himself. But then…but then you had kissed him and fled.

No question as to why flowed from you. You were used to not being included, but you had to admit that it stung coming from him. In an attempt to mask it you tried to smile but you weren’t sure if it actually showed. Your chest ached, body feeling like it wasn’t yours. Like you were looking down on it as it stood in that workspace with the man who sought solace within it. Like you had intruded, and shame bubbled up for having made yourself comfortable where you shouldn’t have.

"Can't find a sealant that would hold up to those knives we found. You'd just cause damage to it."

"Okay, but-“ You tried to backtrack, to apologize for being so curious.

"No, Olive. I don't have one for you, so please quit askin'."

You didn’t say anything, your voice stuck in your throat. Turning and walking away from him without looking up, afraid to see his expression. You faintly heard his voice calling after you, but you ignored it, it was far away. It was as if you were down in a tunnel, like you had tipped over and fell down into one the second Joel had turned you down.

You wanted to move past it, to gloss over it, to stay and enjoy in the time he had been willing to give you on his one day free from responsibilities. But you couldn’t, your chest felt like it had caved in, like you were hollow, like you would never be able to break into the social graces of the settlement. Marked with the death of someone who had, someone who kept messing up and making it easy for people to turn you away.

He thinks about how hurt you looked when he tried to ward you off from the stack of cutting boards he had practiced designs on and different shapes. berating himself for being so harsh when he had been scared you would see the wood he had taken from you without your knowledge. You had been reaching for the planks made from it, drawn to them as if they were magnetized.

The way in which you had shut down, his soothing words after denying you falling on deaf ears as you turned and simply walked away from him. He had been under the impression you wanted to spend the day with him. You had been an unexpected guest but not an unwelcome one. It had been nice to return to his home to find you there, comfortable enough to have put on a pot of coffee and the errant scent of that woodsy, floral perfume that seemed to be a part of your skin from tending to the trees in your yard.

But you had just turned and walked away.

He watched you go, not liking the way you had shrunk into yourself at his denial. He had tried to be soft with it, you couldn’t know that you had been asking after the one thing he wanted to keep a secret from you. That you had given him the idea and he was practicing and making so many different prototypes all to ensure that when it came time to craft yours, that he would be able to do so easily.

He scrubbed a hand roughly over his face, sighing out as he dressed for patrol. His alarm had gone off an hour ago but he had already been awake, sleep evading him as the moment from the other day played in his mind’s eye over and over again.

Settling on the musty cushions beside you, the memory of the last time he had done so puffed up along with a cloud of dust. It had been a long day. Clearing the village and finding a place to hole up in for the night.

“I’ll take the first watch, try ‘n get some rest.” He murmured low, taking in the way you were already curling your legs up underneath your body on the other end of the couch. The scarf around your neck pulled up for you to bury your face into it, hands in their gloves and secure in the pockets of your coat.

You didn’t think you even responded, the cold of the day draining you and making sleep too alluring a respite even with the broad man beside you and all alone for the first time in a while.

Bird calls woke you up hours later, signaling the start of a new day. The warmth of sleeping was a lull to the chill you knew awaited outside, but you pressed into the bed further, burrowing even more into the lump of blankets you tended to scrunch up beside you.

But the lump shifted and your eyes flew open to find a different setting than you dark bedroom. You weren’t asleep in your bed, you were sunk into a decrepit couch and pressed into Joel’s right side, having sought out his warmth in the cold house. He was asleep too, his eyes closed despite his body still seated up with his feet resting on the ground.

You couldn’t help but rest your cheek on his shoulder, taking comfort in how close and warm he was, even if it had been an instinctual move to begin with.

He was so handsome. Beautiful. From the scar across the bridge of his nose, the one at his temple, to the freckles that littered his tan skin. Wrinkles relaxed as he slept, his plush lips parted slightly. His body sunk into the fabric where he had settled last night, long and lean. His mass so large you had shifted in your sleep to press up against him, partially on him to share the small couch and steal his warmth. His neck bent back a little as his head lulled onto the back cushions.

Your eyes roved down the strong column of his neck, catching on the way his adam’s apple jutted out and you resisted the urge to lean in and nip at it.

His hands, dear god, his hands. They were slack in his lap, his entire body completely lax as he slept slumped beside you. Veins and freckles decorated the skin, mind running with the idea of them tight around different parts of your body. How they would feel wrapped around your hips, your breasts, your neck…

You couldn’t help but reach out and lay a hand atop one of his, your palm over the back of his. Your stomach fluttered, the heat settling low. Your own hand looked so small, atop his. The difference so startling.

“Mm, good mornin’,” Joel’s gravelly rumble made you jump, realizing you had gripped two of his fingers in your hand. He jostled the hand in your grip and you felt heat flood your cheeks at being caught touching him. When you moved to take it back, he curled his fingers, catching your hand and pulling it up to his lips where he pressed his lips to the back of it. “Don’t act all shy now, sweetheart.”

You throb.

The gusset of your underwear suddenly dampens as you clench around nothing.

“I-I don’t know what came over me, you were sleeping and I shouldn’t ha-have-“ Trying to tamp down your less than friendly thoughts, the allure you felt wash over you at his sleepy timbre, to backtrack away from what could end up being another thing to have him avoiding you around the settlement.

But he surprised you, emboldened by the hazy thoughts displayed in the parting of your own lips, the heat he could feel rolling off of you, the pressure you tried to relieve between your legs with a clench of your thighs together. And then his thick, sleep coated words turned sultry, pitched low and velvet.

“Thinkin’ about my hands on ya, huh? Sweet little thing, what was it?” He guided your hand to cup his cheek and then rest against his neck. “Thinkin’ about my hands here?”

When he squeezed your hand around it, you felt faint for the way your blood was rushing and thundering loud in your ears.

“N- no.” You swallowed, voice breathy and pitched low as you struggled to find words.

“No? What about…” He moved your hand to his chest, right in the middle of his ribcage. His heart was thundering beneath the flannel, mirroring your own. “Here?”

Your breath hitched as he moved it further, not giving you the chance to answer this time. Down ,down, down past the hem of his shirt beneath his jacket to the denim of his jeans. Pressing your palm down atop the zipper, you could feel the long line of him, hot and semi-hard. It twitched at the pressure, and you couldn’t help the whimper that fell from your lips. Eyes having been dragged down along with your clasped hands.

“What about here?” His lips grazed the shell of your ear as his question was pressed close, nose brushing sensitive skin just behind it. Mustache and beard lightly scraping against you, causing you to shiver and press down your hand more firmly. He groaned out, the sound burrowing deep into you. He twitched again beneath your palm and all the air in your lungs whooshed out.

And then he was dipping his head to capture your lips in a hard kiss. His tongue trailed over the seam of your lips, and you let him in without a thought. Pleasure flared from the heat that had taken hold of your entire body, the air crackling with the need for him to be closer, to be pressed to you completely, pressed inside of you completely. Body buzzing, needing more more more from him you shift to cup his cheek with your other hand.

When he speaks next, his voice is all soft. Southern twang breathy and so close as his lips graze yours, his forehead pressed to your own. The press of hot skin only a prelude to what you hoped was more…

“Sweetheart, I-“

The sudden creak of the back door opening cut the tension of the room and your stomach filled with dread. Joel’s hands became almost painful on you as both your heads whipped around to stare at the kitchen threshold, waiting with bated breath for the intruding source to walk through it.

He was up off the couch in a second, his handgun in his palm and he stalked silently toward the kitchen, leaving you on the couch to reach for your own. But your attention was pulled to the front door of the house just as he disappeared through the threshold.

Two shadows crept into the house and your ducked down to avoid being seen immediately.

There were sounds of a scuffle in the kitchen and you took the opportunity to sneak around the couch in a crouch and stand with the gun trained on the larger figure of the two just on the other side of it.

“Drop your gun or I shoot.” You kicked his legs apart, hand patting him down as he listened to your command. He didn’t have any other weapons on him and the woman a few feet away didn’t visibly have any, her clothing tight around her middle, large jacket draping over her to keep her swollen middle warm.

You took your eyes off of her for one second to kick the gun away and behind you when she lunged. A shiny piece of something glinted in her hand and you shouted out as it cut across your own middle.

Grunting, you elbowed the man in the ribs, winding him and sending him to crumple to the ground in pain. You kicked out and wrapped your foot around one of the woman’s legs and tugged her close, ignoring the sensation of that same piece of whatever it was in her grip as it tore into your jacket sleeve.

You smacked her hand against the wall behind her, being mindful of her stomach and was about to wrap your hands around her neck when the man wheezed out a pleading cry.

“Don’t hurt her, please!” He tired to catch is breath, but you didn’t break your focus away from the woman you had pinned down. A wave of nausea rose over you, the only indication before you collapsed, blood soaking the front of your shirt in a dark, wet patch.

“Shit, I think you cut her too deep.” The man crawled over to you, his hands pressing down to try and staunch the flow. The woman fell to her knees beside him, her hands reaching out to grip one of your arms. The clatter of the weapon she had used was loud and you looked over to it. It was a piece of dirty glass.

“I-I didn’t me-mean to hurt you so badly! I’m so sorry.”

“Fuck, okay, go to my pack.” They shared a confused look, but the fact that they hadn’t run off with yours and Joel’s supplies to their remorse at hurting you told you they were good people. “Go! There’s a spare shirt, we need it to put over the wound.”

Just as she bent to dig into the pack by the couch, Joel’s quiet steps and low threat called as he entered the room.

“Get your hands off of her and step back.”

“Wait! They aren’t Infected!” You panted, voice sharp despite the effort it was taking to breath as your middle burned, knowing the man’s instincts had taken over completely. His steps measured. His gun raised. His reasoning marred by the sight of you bleeding on the floor.

“They hurt you.” His honeyed drawl gone, replaced with an air of authority that demanded attention, all dark, rich molasses sticking everyone in place.

“It was an accident, Joel, please. They…they have a baby on the way. We have to take them back.”

“That true?” He kept the shot gun aimed at the man hovering over you, the blood shining on his hands making his nerves twitch. But his eyes landed on the woman who had been rummaging through your bag for first aid supplies. She slowly stood from her crouch, revealing her swollen belly.

He ordered them both to take a seat on the couch, telling them he would deal with them once he tended to you, letting them know that he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot if they tried something. He then kneeled down on the ground beside you, one of his large hands going over yours holding the wad of fabric to your middle, the other going to cup your cheek.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” His eyes bore into you, stern edge to them. You were visibly shaking, skin looking sallow and sweat beading at your temple. He carefully moved your hands aside, eyes flicking from your pained expression to the injury as he slowly lifted the fabric you had pressed to it. And then the hem of your sweater and tank top underneath.

Lips a grim line and eyes dark as he took in the still bleeding injury. His brow furrowed deeper as a thick rivulet ran down your side to spill onto the floor and Joel cursed under his breath. The gash was a few inches long across your stomach, to the left of your belly button, rimmed and irritated red. Angry and no doubt already infected if the shard of dirtied glass abandoned beside you was any indication. Your blood stained it, the woman’s fingertips pressed into it in smeared, red marks.

“Shit, it’s already starting to get infected.”

You managed a weak nod, both in response to his question and muttered worries fighting off the tears as he pressed around the wound, trying to get a gauge of how deep it was. You held back a whimper at the prodding, bottom lip firmly between your teeth.

“Joel, there’s gau-gauze in my pack.”

“Find it and toss it to me, quick.” He raised a threatening look to the pair on the couch, their heads turned and watching everything play out. Worried that if you were to bleed out, the man wouldn’t hesitate to retaliate or leave them here to their own devices.

The woman rushed to dig into your pack once more, fingers finding the crinkling plastic wrapped around the sterile gauze. She tossed it to Joel, the hand that had moved down from your cheek to rest over your heart on your chest reached out to snag it from the air. He ripped it open with his teeth and urged your hands to hold it down atop the wound.

You could only watch through hazy eyes as he shucked off his jacket and then his flannel. With a smooth motion he removed his t-shirt, his most base layer. With his chest on full display, the dark hair over his chest and trailing down from his belly button you startled at the sound of ripping fabric. The knife he kept holstered on the back of his waist out of is sheath as he used it to cut a thick strip from the hem of his shirt. He gently urged you to lift up from the ground for him to wind it around your back and tie it securely over the wound.

Slipping two fingers below it to ensure it was tight enough to keep pressure but not overly so as to cause more problems. It felt a thousand times better already, your nausea waning as the blood stopped flowing from your body. But you would definitely need stitches and antibiotics once back inside the gates. Once he was sure the wound was okay for the moment, he took both your hands in his, a slight tremor to them. His thumbs rubbing soothingly across the backs of them.

“Okay, you’re okay,” He murmured. He leaned down to press his forehead to yours. Breathing in deep and your lashes fluttered as he sighed out. His eyes were clenched shut and he took a moment to ground himself before he pulled back and peppered chaste kisses over your face. Your forehead, each of your cheeks, the tip of your nose. The edges of your mouth.

“I’m okay,” You promised, unable to ignore how shaky his breathing was so close. A nervous giggle sounded from you, unable to tamp it down as your head swam. “But maybe you should put your clothes back on before you freeze.”

“Can’t lose you, sweetheart.” The whispered sentiment washed over you, leaving you warm and light in the chest for a completely different reason. Only when you nodded in understanding, did he reach over for his flannel and shrug it back over his broad shoulders. The buttons closed up with deft fingers as he watched you take a mental stock of your body and how it felt. You said up just as his jacket was pulled back into place over the flannel.

“Good thing ‘m not goin’ anywhere then, huh?” His wet chuckle was the only response you got before he helped you to stand. He guided you over the couch with an arm around your shoulders, silently demanding that the pair move from the cushions to make room for you. Making sure you were comfortable with both packs beside you before he turned his attention to the people who had injured you.

A nurse took you in quickly, insisting someone else would do a thorough check on the brother and sister you and Joel had brought to them once leaving the horses at the stables. The backup shirt you had taken along with you in your pack tied to your abdomen with a scrap of fabric from the bottom of Joel’s undershirt. It was better than nothing, better than bleeding out.

You had insisted that the woman, Callie carefully got up on Lowry for the trip back. Joel had been worried about them sharing a horse together, the very real possibility of them taking off on it at the forefront of his mind. But you had assured him that they could be trusted. That they could’ve taken both your packs and left you to bleed out on the floor.

That was how you had found yourself once again sharing a horse with Joel for an entire day. The feel of his body pressed close to your back so different from when he had tried to keep his distance. His hands secure around your waist and resting atop the saddle horn. You tried not to let it distract you, carrying on casual conversation with them to get a feel for who they were. Every so often, when you grunted at particularly hard hoofbeats or a rough jostle, his right hand would press against your roughly patched wound.

Stitches, the nurse had said. At least four of them.

Joel was outside the hall, waiting for you to be released. He looked up from the notepad in his hands when you exited the room, brown eyes tired. You couldn’t read his thoughts, though you were too tired to begin to think what that could mean.

“Hey, what’d they say?” He surged up, the notebook going back into his pocket, the worn fabric snug around it. He retrieved the coat and sweater he had kept for you when the nurse had asked you to remove all outer layers.

You lifted the torn tank top, allowing him to see the clean, bright white bandage that had been taped over the injury. The fait outline of stitches could be seen through it. Two of his fingers brushed against it, almost tenderly.

“No painkillers, those are only for serious cases.” You let him help you put the sweater back on, his hands holding the head opening side for you to slid it on, gently tugging the fabric into place around your sore arms. “They gave me a shot of antibiotics and a pack of fresh gauze. Gotta come in next week to get the stitches looked at.”

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured as he held the coat up for your to slip your arms into. When you turned around to face him again, he pulled you to him in a loose embrace. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“Joel, it’s okay. We’re okay. I promise.” You leaned up, mindful of the new pull on your middle, and pressed your lips to his cheek. Sighing at the soft pressure, he walked alongside you out of the building.

Since there wasn’t anything they could give you for the pain, you just wanted to lay in bed and rest. But you also wanted to try and find a reason to get out of the house later. Swallowing down your fear of rejection, knowing he was the one person who wouldn’t do that to you, you asked him for a drink later in the evening.

But he didn’t look up from the paper in his hands as he walked out the front door with you, scribbling something down on a page that only had two previous lines of script. The chill of the wind breezing past you both as you repeated your question in slightly louder volume, sure he just hadn’t heard you. You knew he was hard of hearing in his right ear and that was the side you were on. But what you didn’t expect was his haphazard response. So at odds with the tenderness and care he had shown you throughout the day.

"Huh? Oh uh, I can't tonight. Sorry, I'll see ya, Olive." And then he's off without so much as a glance your way, leaving you standing outside the infirmary. It left you more than a little concerned, whiplash at the sudden shift from intimate, to protective, to nothing so much as a glance all from the same man.

It’s early, the sun not even showing signs of rising. Snow drifted down, a perfect morning. You were humming to yourself, mentally planning out the meals you could make. A breakfast casserole that would allow for the use of root vegetables, eggs, some of the goat cheese that had been made perhaps. You were minding your own business, enjoying the walk to the mess hall and the kitchen that would allow you to work and forget the hollow feeling that hadn’t left you all last night. It was easier feeling nothing other than the faint pull of stitches on your abdomen.

You catch a figure walking out of a front door further down the street. The figure broad but their steps light as they descended the porch to Marsha’s house.

Oh.

It was Joel.

He didn’t have a utility belt, he didn’t have a toolbox, he didn’t have anything that indicated he had been there to repair something.

It was Joel Miller, leaving Marsha’s house. Far too early to mean anything other than the fact that he had spent the night inside, with her. Guess that's why he had turned down your offer for an evening with you. He already had someone to share drinks with, someone to spend his time with.

Turning, you tried not to follow his figure as he began to walk down the street, facing away from you.

You could only think that it was because of the way you had run the other night. Because of the way you two kept giving into yearning touches only for the moment to be yanked away. Three times now, far too much trouble for someone as busy as him. Someone with a life like he led as he cared for his family and the repairs that were needed around the settlement. You were desperate, for company, for attention, for him. It must’ve not settled well with him to realize how much you wanted him and that it never seemed to work out in his favor, only friend or not.

Deep down, you knew that wasn’t the reason. He was such an understanding man, and he wouldn’t put the blame on you. But the fact of the matter was that he was willingly spending his time with Marsha.

He wasn’t sure where you had disappeared to, your house dark safe for the light over the stoop light up in a warm tone. He had a box in his hands, something he had rifled through his, Ellie’s, and Tommy’s homes for to fit the finished set of wooden utensils you had asked him to make.

He had taken his time, sneaking glances at the ones in your kitchen when he dropped you off after patrol one morning and you offered him a light lunch. You had made grilled sandwiches, pairing them with some steamed vegetables that were beginning to wilt in the cold air of the house. You ran the heat on a good middle range, to ensure it didn’t get too stuffy and begin to take a toll on the record collection in the living room or the books you kept on every surface and crammed lovingly into the many bookshelves you had.

You seemed to favor spoons, though he did catch sight of a few rather flat spatulas. He had inspected the wood thoroughly before he even thought of measuring it. Admiring the way the dried wood looked and taking notes down on the pad of paper he kept on him at all times. Compared it to the two planks he had, noting the different feel and heft of them versus the completely dry specimen you had brought to him.

He let his thoughts wander as he took a seat on the cold concrete steps of your stoop. Opting to wait for your return for a few moments, hoping that you would return soon as evening had fallen, the set having set a few hours ago. He didn’t recall you mentioned evening shifts at the mess hall, opting for the mornings that you enjoyed. Something about the quiet of the town, less lonely than the nights, had been a quiet admittance. He had been too shocked to respond, you must’ve taken his silence as the end of the conversation. You had turned quiet alongside him, the only sound for the rest of the route back to the gates had been the hooves along the ground.

It struck him now, that you had been admitting even early on how lonely you were. How the town choosing to not interact with you had hurt, had been hurting you. A warning even then, that you were sensitive to the dynamic and went along with it even if you didn’t agree with it. You were such a lovely person. Kind hearted, giving, caring, and he loathed that people like Marsha perpetuated the agenda against you.

She was relentless in her attention on him and he was getting a little annoyed with it. But he was being cordial, the exact word you had used to describe the woman. He had finished the last of her shelving the other day. He had worked overnight to get it fitted and fastened to the wall. Securing it with bolts and weight holding supports, wanting to be done with the project that had been more of a coercion of his skills. She was a manipulator and he had played into her hands just like she had wanted.

He felt like a fool, knowing he had agreed to do it for your sake and out of a need to protect you.

Then he realized there were two people who allowed you into their lives. That spoke fondly of you, invited you to dinner, allowed you shares of what they could get the last of in down on main street.

Standing, he hoped to find you among his family. Making his way his way to Tommy’s, Maria was the one to answer the door. A finger to her lips to signal him to keep quiet as she slipped out the door to join him on the porch.

“They’re both sleeping, it took an hour to get him down and then of course Tommy slumped over.” She didn’t seem upset, but the news allowed for Joel to realize you weren’t here either. Clocking his silence and the box in his hand, she cocked her head up a little to examine his features. “Everything okay, Joel? Olive didn’t pull her stitches already, did she?”

“Yeah, everythin’ is okay. I’m actually looking for her. Have you seen her today?” He shuffled on his feet, aware of how they ached as the cold settled in to stay for the season.

“She’s at the bar, came by with dinner for us on her way out.” Maria explained, watching his closely. Able to pick up on his agitation. It was odd when she compared it to the almost forces nonchalance you had exhibited earlier.

“Can you hold onto this for me, I’ll be back to get it tomorrow.” He thrusted the box into the woman’s hands and was making off down the street before she could even respond.

The bar is a cacophony of sounds, of laughter, of conversation, the clink of glasses being lifted and then placed back on tables. The gurgle of more drinks being poured, of ice tinkling in glasses, all of it was so nice to just sit in and enjoy. Even if you were alone on your stool.

"Another round?" You disguised the clenching of your hand around your empty glass, the voice right behind you. His voice, the charming drawl pitched low and so so close.

“I don’t think we should be drinking with each other.” You shifted away from him, not wanting him to think you were open to spending time with him after his rejection, after his secret of seeing Marsha was exposed to you in the form of his leaving her house far too early for any reason than having stayed the night, for the way you had wanted to say yes to spending time with him but it hurt too much. For the way that it was getting harder and harder to resist the urge to lean up and kiss him, to run your hand down his arm or back in a soothing caress. “I’m waiting for someone.”

His brow furrowed as he regarded you, lifting his drink to his lips and taking a deep pull from the amber liquid inside. He sat down atop the stool beside you despite your words. His glass settled on the bar top, now empty. Your eyes were focused on the melting ice, not able to look at the man who was giving you his attention.

“What’s that?” He huffed, almost chuckled as he believed you were just joking, teasing him like you tended to do sometimes while out on patrol. But you weren’t, both of you seated at the long bar of the Tipsy Bison on the main street in town. When you still didn’t raise your eyes to him, he realized you weren’t, that you were turning him down and away.

“Tell me the real reason,” He leaned close, pivoting the seat of the stool so you faced him. Your insides whooshed with the movement. With the way he demanded your attention, with the entirety of his focus on you almost breaking your resolve to remain professional. Aware of all the eyes constantly watching you, judging you; all the eyes on him constantly watching for entirely different reasons, fawning over him.

“Because I like you.” You admitted, unable to deny him the truth. You could only lift your eyes as high as his lips, which was a mistake as you recalled the feel of them. They were so soft, so plush and you never had the chance to gently nip at his bottom one…

“Well, I like you too, Olive.” His nose brushed your cheek, moving impossibly close, his thumbs digging into your thighs as he held to the stool.

“No, I like you, Joel. And this isn’t a good idea.” You pulled back, aware that you were both in a very public place. That the looks focused on you both, your intimacy, combined with soft murmurs of voices that could be saying anything. Making notions in their minds that he was associated with you, that he spent time with you enough to feel comfortable engaging in this type of behavior. And that was bad, it was so bad for people to associate him with you. It would cause people to question him after everything he did for the town. It would begin to erase all the good he had provided. “Joel, people are looking.”

“Don’t worry about them, just focus on me.” Your eyes snapped to his, taking in the way the brown of them was alight from the sconces around the bar. There was no hesitancy in them, no remorse. Only adoration and your stomach swooped, your heart fluttered. But you tried your best to resist.

“That’s not a good idea either.” You whispered.

“You thinkin’ of doin’ somthin’ to me?”

“M-maybe.” The admittance rolls off your tongue, his lips close enough that he can taste it.

“Sweetheart, I’d let ya if that’s what you wanted.”

“N-no.” It took everything in you to deny him, to deny the tension that pulled your muscles tight in every part of your body.

“No?” He leaned back, taking your words and heeding them, sensing that you meant them, even if it was a stuttered, breathy response.

“I don’t want to, I mean I do, but- this” You motioned between the two of you, how little space there was between your bodies. His body pivoted toward you and his hands still partially around the denim of your thighs. “Isn’t a good idea.”

His eyes roamed over you, seeing the nerves and truth of your demeanor. You did like him, and it was becoming a problem. He didn’t need a younger woman fawning over him, the friendly rapport riddled with holes. Of temptations that were tamped down by his unwillingness to share his craft with you, the time he had been spending with Marsha, the pull of his attention in so many directions, especially with the holiday hurtling toward the town tomorrow.

“We’re hardly friends, Miller. You barely started acknowledging me outside of patrol.” You reached for your drink so you’d be less likely to cup his face in your hands and throw caution to the wind.

“What makes you think I haven’t been tryin’ to keep my hands to myself, bein’ around you?” His voice tipped low, to avoid being overheard despite the closeness he had initiated. Closing your eyes at the visual, you shook you head as your throat bobbed with the sip you had taken from your drink.

“Because you don’t like me that way.” You scoffed, beginning to lean away from him. “You didn’t even get me anything for the holiday…You’re with Marsha.”

“Didn’t get your name in swap.”

“Oh.” And all the fight you had in you crumbled at his simple words. The reassurance in his voice that drowned out the hum of the environment all around you.

“But I thought - Ellie was asking so many questions I figured she was doin’ the work for you.”

“Maybe she got you?” He tapped the lip of his glass as the bartender wandered close, signaling for another when the man got the chance. His hand going back to your leg in a second.

“N-no. She got Jesse. Whoever got me most likely tossed the scrap of paper and picked another.”

“Marsha and I are just friendly, it’s nothing beyond that. Olive, I swear to –“

Someone cleared their throat unnervingly close. You both turned away from each other to face the person who had decided to break the currents flowing between your bodies, tension thick in the air with their approach.

Marsha. With a wrapped gift in her hand and a yearning look for Joel. Her attention solely on him.

“So much for just being friendly, huh, Miller?” You set your drink down, glass nearly empty and pushed off from your stool. The drag of his large hands over the tops of your thighs not registering as you quickly took off. Leaving him to the woman who seemed to be a constant companion as of late. Better company for him, you though begrudgingly as you made your way through the snow-covered streets and back to the safety of your home.

Sighing, you picked up the wrapped bundle of recipe cards. Joel’s gift.

The one you had spent hours pouring over, making sure your writing was neat and legible, the cursive loops delicately over the lines on the thick cardstock. You had debated whether or not he would be able to read the script, knowing how he squinted at certain things. No doubt needing glasses in his older age, an item you always kept a keen eye out for should it end up being a perfect match for him.

Your heart panged, the fleeting image of him tucked in bed beside you with a book or manual in his hands and a pair of reading glasses perched on his aquiline nose. His scruff catching the light of a soft bedside lamp and the silver sparkling. His curls damp from an evening shower, the scent of him so clean and pure beside you as you lay tucked in the other side. It hurt. It hurt to think you would never get to experience that, experience him in every simple, mundane way.

With a long-suffering huff, you reached for some of the dried leaves you kept from the trees when you last preened them. Fastening it to the top of the bundle with a piece of twine. You don’t write Joel’s nor yours. He would know it was from you from the writing inside, from the olive twig. A parting gift, you guessed.

This would be the last thing you would offer him before drawing back to your solemn life. He had brought color and life and laughter into it, but the hurt wasn’t worth it. Your heart and body aching for a man who had too much to lose.

You faintly heard soft voices trailing along the dark streets, the light fixtures doing their best to illuminate the way for any one who was out at the late hour. The sky dark with the added overcast that hadn’t waned during the day. Making everything feel pressed down and low, condensing the world to make it feel almost suffocating. Snow soft as it descended. Maybe it was just you, sensitive to the weather and things around you in your anxiety as you turned down the street Joel’s house was nestled on. Just as you turned the corner, feet scuffing on the weathered gravel packed down to create solid paths in the broken asphalt you collided with something hard and lost your balance. The built up snow making it hard to catch yourself.

The scrunch of paper you had wrapped the gift in was loud, ripping at the drag of thick fabric that made up someone’s coat. The index cards fly up into the air as you landed heavily on your side. Through the sounds of the fluttering paper, there was a gasp pitched high that gave way to delirious giggles and a grunt pitched low. Your own indignant noise floating amidst it all, the pull of your stitches uncomfortable.

“My apologies, didn’t see you the- Olive?”

You had run into Joel’s broad back, his front now facing you as the cards rained down to scatter all over the corner. Snow dampening them instantly upon contact, blurring the ink you had taken the time to put down to them.

Behind him was a bright-eyed Marsha, her hands holding tight to one of his. She looked flushed, no doubt from the drinks she had indulged in, leaning heavily into him. And Joel…he looked shocked as he stared down at your fallen form. Either unaware or uncaring of how the woman he was with tried to burrow into his side.

They had been the ones whose voices you heard. But what had they been doing just standing still in the middle of the street….and then it hit you. They had probably been kissing or sharing in casual touches as they walked back from the bar to one of their homes for the evening and your stomach lurched, dropping out from under you.

Joel detached from her, intending to reach down and help you back up. But you didn’t want him touching you with the same hands that had been soft just an hour ago, the same hands that had been touching her with the same intent.

“Don’t!”

“Just tryin’ to help you up,” He backed off immediately, his eyes alert, not used to you raising your voice nor the heat behind your tone. Especially toward him, the hurt making you unable to tamp it down to a polite tone. Tears burned behind your own eyes, in your throat. The perfect match to your insides feeling like they have just been set in a mixer.

“Don’t need your help,” You pushed up from the ground, legs tingling as you fought the urge to run from the awkward and tense scene. And then you realized you could. You did.

Leaving the two alone in the middle of the street, surrounded by white spots of paper all around, the wrapping that had been around them crumpled on the ground. The dried olive leaves that had been fastened to it with twine lay abandoned at their feet.

You ran all the way back to your house, the front door slamming behind you and the lock loud in the silence that followed. Your back thumped against the wood of it, sliding down until your bottom hit the floor.

And you let yourself break down, crying into your hands. Hating how you had begun to believe that your life was going to change, that Joel was going to be something good in your life. And deep down, underneath all the hurt and anger, you still believed he was. Even if he wasn’t meant to be anything other than a patrol partner.

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dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics and @cafekitsune

taglist: @merz-8 @morning-star-joy @joelsgreys @orcasoul @sawymredfox @sabmat @dreamingofleon @keylimebeag @pascalpvnk @picassopedro @tuquoquebrute @alejaa-a @jessthebaker @littlemisspascal @joeloverture @joelscruff @swiftispunk @tightjeansjavi @undercoverpena @idontknowyou-12345 @corazondebeskar @honeyedmiller @novas-dreamworld @slugz-writes-shit @fluff-lover @hiroikegawa @dugiioh @persephone-girl @furiousmushroom @communism-bitches @formulafun @copperhalfcent @lizlil @hiddenbabynyc @ohhellotherebumblebee

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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midnightmayhem13 · 9 months

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How would the marvel women react if reader (their gf) out of the blue smacked their ass 🤭🤭🤭

I know that you like me

bro this is so adorable thank you butt smacking anon🩶❕

carol danvers

there's literally no denying that's carols ass looks good in her suit. like look at it. so when it's theres you just have to. and i feel like she'd actually jump. like off the ground and yelp. then she'd grab her cheeks as if she'd just been absolutely violated. she would stare at you then burst out laughing. then she'd suddenly stop laughing and tackle you. expect tickle and kiss attacks

sharon carter

she would turn around slowly and chuckle she'd try so hard to get you back and chase you around. when she catches you she throws you over her shoulder and smacks your ass hard as hell. she'll also like put you face down on the bed nd kiss your butt. and ngl she would get turned on cuz she's a horny fuck. but omg if you smack it while she's on a call she glare at you. you're in for a long night later on...

darcy lewis

you're literally the only person darcy wouldn't taser. but she'd be such a tease. she'd be eyeing your ass and smacking it all the damn time. and when you smack hers, he hands would go straight to the area and she'll holler "goodness hot stuff! take me on a date first" and she'll start cackling but then she'd chase you around the house squeezing any part of you she can get her hands on. then you'll lay on the couch for the rest of your day and she'll lightly smack your ass right as she goes to sleep mumbling a soft "payback" before drifting into slumber.

nebula

she'd freeze. how dare you? and if it wasn't you, you'd be dead in seconds. but when she glared at you, you'll b muttering out rushed apologizes. and nebula would say she liked it. she likes when you two do couple things. she'd then take it as a competition. you wanna smack her ass? bet. every chance she'd got she'd slap the shit out of your ass. and when hugging you or cuddling it, she'll squeeze it as if trying to reshape it. not in a way to want to hurt you. she'd just like to assert her dominance once again. cause you made her way too flustered for her liking.

maria hill

maria would say some horny ass shit. she let out a slow sexy laugh nd flirt. she'd honestly love it. she's never been so comfortable with someone. and god how can you resist. have you seen her ass in the uniform? and when she got used to the affection and the flirting she'd slap yours back. like when she'd see your ass she'd jokingly rub her hands and lick her lips. only out of work obviously. during work she'd lay her hand on your ass and pat it. as if she were petting a dog.

kate bishop

she'd get so flustered😭. she'd be outta breath and wouldn't be able to say coherent sentences. she'd the get into a fit of giggles and attempt to cover her blush. she wouldn't go out without a fight tho. she'd jump and hold you in place so you can't move, appearing as if you two were wrestling. and she's attack you with kisses while repeatedly tapping your butt. she'd get shy at first but then she realized how hot it was. and she's definitely and ass gal, but she'll stare a titties anytime.

a/n why do i have a butt if no pretty girl is smacking it😕 why squat if no smack

#carol danvers x reader #sharon carter x reader #darcy lewis x reader #maria hill x reader #kate bishop x reader #nebula x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #wlw

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lionlena · 11 months

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Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 6

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58), strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v, dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness.

Part 6

"Mommy, you should kiss Joel."

You nearly dropped the laundry you were hanging outside when you heard what your toddler said. You looked at your son in shock.

"Where did that idea come from, honey?"

Teddy sighed and said, "Because Joel is sad and you always give me a kiss when I'm sad and that helps."

"Oh" was all you could say.

Joel had actually been sadder for the past few days. He was even more reticent and didn't even react to Ellie's taunts. You didn't know if it was because of your talk about forgiveness or the fact that Maria and Tommy were expecting a baby. Well, You thought that was good news, but did Joel was jealous? He had Teddy, after all. He got a second chance.

"Mommy."

You heard your son's impatient voice and realized that "Oh" wasn't considered a sufficient answer. You knelt down next to him and said, "I'm afraid it doesn't work on adults as it does on children. I think Joel might feel weird if I kissed him."

Teddy frowned. "Then hug him... You hugging Aunt Claudia when she's sad."

"You hugging him, and that's better than my hug."

Your son made a sad face, and you felt like you let him down. In his childhood mind, sometimes everything was so simple and you envied him that.

"You know what helps me when I'm sad?" The little boy looked at you curiously. "When you give me drawings and flowers. Maybe after I finish work at the stables, we can go to the meadow so you can pick flowers for Joel?"

"Okay, but if that doesn't help, promise me you'll hug him."

You sighed heavily and nodded your head.

At the stables, you were still thinking about what Teddy said. Maybe you should talk to Joel? He didn't really have anyone in Jackson except Tommy, Ellie, and Teddy... And you. He still had a strained relationship with his brother, and the children were hardly suitable for serious conversations. So everything was on you. And your two relationship has improved. When you saw him, you didn't just think about how badly he hurt you, but how he changed for the better.

You stopped brushing Jupiter for a moment and looked back to see your son, who was throwing straw into an empty stall. In fact, he lost most of the straw along the way, but he looked so cute. He wanted to help you, like his dad.

You were so lost in thought that you didn't notice that you were approaching to place where another horse had bitten Jupiter. The wound still hurt him, and though he was a nice horse, he reacted to pain like any other animal. He whinnied loudly and jumped up sharply. You managed to dodge the kick, but you staggered and stumbled. You hit your head on the post that was between the horse's boxes. It got dark before your eyes and the last thing you remember was your son's frightened scream.

Teddy knew he had to call for help. He ran out of the stable and began to run as fast as his little legs would allow him. However, he passed several people and did not stop. Even when someone tried to stop him. In his mind, only one person could save you.

"Joel!" he shouted as he saw a familiar figure.

Joel was just walking with Ellie to the dining room when he heard his son scream. He immediately turned around and knelt down to catch the kid who practically ran into him. He immediately noticed that the little boy was terrified.

"Teddy, what happened?"

He gently grabbed his shoulders and started looking for any injuries, but the baby boy seemed to be fine. Teddy struggled to catch his breath, tears streaming down his face.

"Mama," he finally choked out.

Joel was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of terror.

"What about mom?" He asked.

The boy barely spoke. "Ho… Horse... Kick" he said between sobs.

Joel didn't need any more. He looked at Ellie, who seemed as scared as Teddy.

"Stay with him. I'm running to her."

The girl nodded and grabbed the boy's hand as Joel ran to the stables.

When you woke up you felt a terrible headache. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurred, but only one thing mattered to you. Your son.

"Teddy," you croaked.

You got up with difficulty. You felt like a newborn foal that couldn't catch its balance. You slowly took a step by step, sticking to the wall. As you were about to leave, Joel suddenly ran up to you. He grabbed your sides and held you tight.

"Y/N, what happened?"

You heard the worry in his voice.

"Jupiter got angry... I jumped back, but I think I hit my head on something hard... Where's Teddy?"

Joel stroked your cheek, then ran his hand over the back of your head and was relieved to see that there was no blood on his fingers.

"Teddy is with Ellie. He's fine. He's just scared."

As soon as you heard that, you felt your strength leave you. You stayed on your feet only because fear for your son was your motivation. Joel immediately lifted you up and said, "Okay. You need medical attention."

"No" you moaned and rested your head against his chest. "Just not Anderson."

Joel sighed. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Take me home and call Wanda. She used to be a nurse."

"Okay," he whispered and brushed his lips against your forehead, and you just closed your eyes.

An hour later you were in bed and listening to Wanda's instructions. Teddy was cuddling up to your side. He had stopped crying but was still very scared. Ellie was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at you with worried eyes. Joel stood next to Wanda and carefully listened to her.

"It's definitely a concussion. She should not move. Let her sleep a lot, rest, and drink plenty of water. Someone should stay with her overnight. If she starts vomiting, she may choke."

"I'm not going to vomit," you muttered. You were slightly annoyed that the woman was talking like you weren't in the room.

Joel just gave you an indulgent look and replied, "I'll keep an eye on her.”

When Wanda left, he came closer to you and stroked his son's head.

"Hey, 'bear cub', mum will be fine. Why don't you and Ellie go to the meadow and collect flowers for mommy?"

Teddy looked at you with those puppy eyes he inherited from his father.

"Will this help you, mommy?"

You nodded your head and he immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed Ellie's hand pulling her towards the exit. Joel was still staring at you.

"What?" you asked.

He bit his lip and muttered, "I was worried about you, I'm still worried about you... I don't know what I would do if something happened to you..."

You were surprised by his confession. You might even hug him if it weren't for the constant dizziness.

"I'll be fine and you don't have to do all this for me."

Joel stepped closer, knelt by the bed, and grabbed your hand.

"I'll take care of you and Teddy. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better."

You smiled slightly and nodded your head.

In the evening you were really surprised how well Joel handled the baby. You thought your boy would be very cranky after a day like this... And he was, but Joel made it. After he put his son to bed, he came back to you and sat in the armchair to watch you all night.

It was weird and embarrassing for you at first. You thought you wouldn't be able to fall asleep next to him, but his presence began to soothe you and you fell asleep.

Joel stretched out in an armchair and tilted his head back. He yawned and closed his eyes. He thought that nothing would happen if he took a nap for a while. Your sleep seemed restful. Before he could fall asleep he heard the patter of small feet and after a while, he felt Teddy climb into his lap. He opened his eyes and smiled softly.

"Hi, 'bear cub'."

The baby boy glanced towards the bed: "Mummy still sleeping?"

Joel combed the boy's curls. "It's night. She should sleep. Just like you."

The little one shook his head and looked at him, and despite the dim light, Joel could see traces of tears on the baby's cheeks.

"You were crying, baby. What happened?"

He pulled the boy to his chest and hugged him tightly.

"Will mommy die?"

Joel replied immediately. "No, 'bear cub'. Of course not. She'll be fine. That's why I'm here to make sure everything is okay."

Teddy nodded and murmured, "Tell me a story."

Joel frowned. "We have to go get the book."

"No," the little one moaned. "Your story."

"Oh. All right." He thought for a moment. "I'll tell you about the Boston Angel."

"That angel was pretty?"

Joel smiled and nodded. "It was basically she, and she was the most beautiful angel I've ever seen. She was also sweet and kind. Even though Boston wasn't a pretty place, she was always able to find something beautiful and show it to the children. She bent down to tie a little girl's shoes and gave food to the homeless dog, and she always smiled."

"And did she bake cookies like Mommy?"

"Yes. She was the perfect Angel, but she met the bad man." Joel sighed heavily. He didn't know why he made up this story about you two. He felt the little boy tugging at his shirt.

"And what did the bad man do?"

"He broke the angel's wings and made the angel sad."

"But why did he do it?"

"Because he forgot how to love and only remembered that losing someone you love hurts a lot. So instead of loving an angel, he preferred to hurt her." He stroked Teddy's curls. "But the angel managed to escape Boston, and then her wings grew back and became even more beautiful and stronger. So strong that they could carry her wherever she wanted."

Teddy yawned and asked, "And the bad man? Has he changed?"

Joel didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected such a question. He swallowed and replied, "He's tried hard to change and... I hope one day he'll be good and the Angel will see it."

You felt tears running down your cheeks. You woke up as soon as you heard your son's voice, but you were still tired and did not react. You knew Joel would take care of the boy. So you heard the whole story about Angel and you couldn't believe it. Joel thought you were asleep, so he didn't say all that just to win your favor.

There was silence and you guessed that Teddy had fallen asleep. You went back to sleep too.

Joel slowly got to his feet, holding gently the sleeping boy, but something was bothering him. The baby's body was too warm. He kissed the boy's forehead and wondered if you had a thermometer somewhere in the house. He gently placed the baby on the bed and carefully covered him with a blanket. He didn't even get out of the room before he heard a plaintive whine, "Joo."

He quickly returned to the baby and began to calm him down. "Shhh, I'll be right back."

The little one stretched out his arms towards him with another pitiful moan and began to cry. Joel sighed and took the boy in his arms, wrapping him in a blanket.

"It's okay 'bear cub'. Do you know where mom keeps the thermometer and medicine?"

The little one sobbed and pressed his face against dads shoulder, muttering, "Not sick."

Joel rolled his eyes. He realized that he had to fend for himself. And so he held the baby with one hand and searched the kitchen cupboards with the other. He found a thermometer, bandages, a hot water bottle, and medicines that he knew were not for children. He took the boy back to the room and took his temperature. He had a fever.

"Teddy, does your tummy hurt?"

"No," the boy moaned.

"And here?" he asked and touched the boy's chest.

"Only the head."

Joel frowned. He stroked the boy's back and said, "Stay here a minute. I'll check on mommy."

"NO!"

Teddy started crying and Joel panicked. He didn't want you to wake up. He quickly lifted his son and began to gently rock him in his arms and place kisses on his wet, hot cheeks.

"Shhh, shhh, 'bear cub', it's okay. We'll go to mom together, but you have to promise me you'll be quiet. Okay?"

The little one whined and nodded his head. Joel breathed a sigh of relief, though he knew he had a rough night ahead of him.

He carefully looked at you and was relieved to see that you were still asleep. By this time, the boy had already fallen asleep and Joel was able to put him to bed.

And so for the next hour, Joel wandered between your room and Teddy's room. Unfortunately, the boy woke up again and started crying.

"I want water," he sobbed.

"I'll bring you."

"Do not go!"

Joel sighed heavily and took the boy in his arms. The boy immediately clung to his body tightly. "We will go together."

Unfortunately, the boy was very moody. When he saw the blue cup of water, he wailed loudly and Joel started to panic. He didn't know what had happened and tried to calm him down.

"It's okay... Shhh, tell me what happened? Teddy, baby, 'bear cub'..."

And as if he didn't have enough problems, You walked into the kitchen. You heard your son cry and your maternal instinct was stronger than your dizziness. You staggered into the doorway and grabbed the doorframe with difficulty.

"Y/N" Joel gasped and immediately started walking towards you.

He wrapped his free arm tightly around your waist while the other still held Teddy, who was crying in his ear. Joel led you to a chair and carefully sat you down. He started rocking your son and you looked at the blue mug on the table and said, "He doesn't like that color. You have to give him a red one."

Joel breathed a sigh of relief and quickly grabbed the red cup. Teddy finally calmed down, drank some water, and fell asleep in dad's arms, but his behavior made you uneasy. You knew that such trivial things as the color of the mug only made him cry when he was ill.

"Joel, does he have a fever?"

The man reluctantly nodded. He didn't want to worry you, but he couldn't lie to you.

"He has a fever and a headache, but otherwise he's fine. He doesn't cough, he doesn't have a runny nose. I've been looking for some medicine for him, but I haven't found anything."

You sighed heavily. "They're over. I was going to go to Anderson's, but... You know."

"I know. If he's not better by morning, I'll go with him to that asshole."

You looked at him scared. "No... I can't do it."

He came closer to you. "Hey, I said I'll go. You will stay. Everything will be fine. I'll take care of everything and now I'll put the little one to bed and come back for you."

"Put him in my bed. I want him close and try to put cold compresses on him to bring down the fever."

Joel nodded and did as you said. He put Teddy in your bed and then came back for you. He wrapped his arms around you to take all your weight. Once you were in bed, he returned to the kitchen and fetched a bowl of cold water and a small kitchen towel. You watched as he knelt by the bed and gently touched Teddy's forehead.

"You have to change the water in a while."

"I know," he said and smiled slightly at you. "Don't worry. I'll be here all the time."

You sighed and closed your eyes. You carefully cuddled up to your little one and hoped that the baby boy would recover by the morning.

Unfortunately, Teddy still had a fever in the morning, like you, he didn't like the idea of visiting Anderson. He cuddled up to you and looked at Joel like he were a traitor. The man reached out to him, but the toddler consistently ignored him.

"Come on, 'bear cub', everything will be fine."

Ellie, who had already come to you, also tried to help. "Teddy, the doctor will just examine you. I and Joel will be with you."

You knew you had to intervene. You gently pushed him away from you and kissed his nose. "Honey, you know Joel will always protect you. Go with them. Mommy needs to stay in bed."

The little boy finally nodded and let Joel take him in his arms.

"Bunny" he sadly whined.

Joel kissed him on the head. "We're going to get your bunny."

After they left, you looked at the teenage girl. "Ellie, make sure he doesn't do something stupid. And I'm not talking about Teddy.”

The girl shrugged. "Okay, but I'm not promising anything."

You fell back on the pillows and closed your eyes. Your head was still spinning and you knew you had to rely on Joel.

The atmosphere in Anderson's office was so thick that could have cut it with a knife. The two men stared at each other with pure hatred. Eventually, Ellie intervened. She grunted loudly and muttered, "I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend all day here."

The doctor snorted. "Put him on the table. I'll listen to his lungs."

Teddy immediately moaned plaintively as he was separated from his dad's body. Joel looked at him sympathetically. He kissed his forehead and whispered, "It will only take a moment."

Teddy hugged the stuffed bunny tightly to him. Anderson looked at the little boy irritably and hissed, "Should I examine him or the stuffed animal?"

Joel clenched his jaw. He felt his head start to ache. He'd had a really rough night and was losing his patience with this prick. He carefully took the toy out of his son's hands and tenderly said, "Ellie will take care of your bunny for a while."

Tears welled up in Teddy's eyes, but he nodded and watched as Ellie gently hugged his toy. Meanwhile, Anderson, without any warning, pulled the boy's T-shirt up and held the cold stethoscope to the child's body. Teddy squeaked and jumped. Only Joel's quick reaction saved him from falling off the table.

"What are you doing?" he growled.

Anderson shrugged. "It's not my fault he's as weak as his mother."

And that was enough. Joel handed the boy into Ellie's arms and gently pushed her towards the door. "Wait with him in the corridor."

Ellie nodded her head. She herself was furious with this asshole.

As she disappeared through the door, Anderson hissed, "What, are you going to break my nose again?"

Joel smiled in a way that made Anderson uneasy and he took a step back. Joel pulled a knife from his belt and lunged for the doctor. He pushed him into the chair and with one hand squeezed his throat so that the man couldn't scream.

"No, I'll do something much worse to you," he growled from the back of his throat. "Now listen to me carefully. You will treat my son as your most valuable patient."

Anderson's eyes widened in shock. "Teddy, this is your..."

Joel laughed. "Yeah, and you'd better think it over." He slid the knife into the doctor's crotch. "You have body parts that are not needed. Without them, you'll still be useful."

Anderson swallowed and nodded. "I will be gentle..." he squeaked.

Joel nodded. "All right."

He opened the door and took the boy in his arms. He smiled and kissed him on the head. "Come 'bear cub', Mr. Anderson will be very nice now and apologize to you for hurting you."

He looked at the doctor suggestively, and the man nodded. "I'm sorry Teddy." He started heating the stethoscope and said, "He can stay in your arms while I examine him."

The rest of the examination went smoothly and Anderson was kind and gentle. When he had finished, he said, "Everything seems fine. Did something stress him out?"

Joel frowned. He wasn't sure if Anderson didn't know about your accident or if he was pretending. "Yes. He had a lot of stress yesterday."

The doctor nodded. "This fever, it could be a stress reaction or a mild cold. I'll give you pills, for him. Give him half now, half tonight, and half tomorrow morning. The fever should go down."

When they got home, Joel told you how the doctor's visit went. Of course, he skipped the part about the knife threat but you guessed something had happened when your son said, "Mr. Anderson was a bit rude, but then Ellie and I left and when we came back, he was already nice."

You looked suggestively at Joel, and he tried to avoid your gaze at all costs. Then you shot a disappointed look at Ellie. "You were supposed to keep an eye on him."

Ellie shrugged. "This as..." Joel grunted significantly. "This fool, he deserved it."

You shook your head and hugged your son as he began to fall asleep. You didn't really care what Joel did. All that mattered was that he got Teddy's medicine.

After three days, you finally felt fine. You weren't dizzy anymore and you didn't lose your balance. Your son's fever has also stopped. It was evening when you got up and decided to eat something. There was an unusual silence in the house. It was still early, but Teddy was already asleep, tired from the impressions of the last few days. But where was Joel? He took care of you all the time and you were impressed with how well he handled everything.

You walked into the living room and saw him sleeping on your couch. He looked so peaceful and you didn't have the heart to be mad at him for falling asleep in your house. You guessed he was dead tired after two nights of watching over you and Teddy. Plus, you knew your sweet little son turned into a little monster when he was sick. One minute he wanted juice, the next he was spitting it out and crying that he didn't want juice. And maybe he got it from you. Well, maybe, just maybe, you had Joel bring you a glass of cold water, and after five minutes you decided it was too cold and asked him for hot tea. And he, without whining, without a grimace on his face, obediently went to the kitchen. So yes, he had a right to be tired. You grabbed a blanket from the armchair and gently covered him. Then you crouched down at his face and felt that old sentiment. Joel's hair always looked as soft and fluffy, as your son's. Made to be combed with your fingers. And before you could stop yourself, your fingers had already sunk into his gray curls.

Joel blinked his eyes and you quickly pulled your hand away. He looked at you and started to move, but he was very clumsy.

"Sorry... I'll be up in a minute," he mumbled.

You shook your head, put your hand on his shoulder, and said, "You deserve to rest, sleep."

You saw how tired he was and that he was still half asleep, so when he spoke you weren't sure if he was aware of it.

"I wish I could have looked after you while you were pregnant."

You sighed heavily and understood. That's why he was sad. He wasn't jealous at all that Maria was pregnant. He was sorry because it reminded him of what he had lost and made him feel guilty.

"You're taking care of us now. That's enough," you whispered.

You ran your hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes and purred like a cat. A slight smile appeared on his face, and you thought maybe your son was right. Your touch really made Joel stop being sad.

A/N: Okay, so yeah, I messed up the timelines about Maria's pregnancy. I just forgot to mention it before, and it suited me perfectly here. Doctor Google told me that children can have fevers because of stress.

Part V

Part VII

Taglist: @ajeff855, @anislabonis-love, @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi, @i-workwithpens, @milla-frenchy, @quality-lust @liatome @sarahhxx03 @creedslove @jojo-munson @pascalislove @sofiparallel @goldenhxurs @elliaze @aestheticangel612 @cheyxfu @orcasoul @misshoneypaper @prestinalove @yourusername1 @stevengmybeloved

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller and you #joel and ellie #ellie williams #joel is daddy #tlou fanfiction #the last of us #angst #hurt/comfort #little fluff #unforgivable mistake

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creedslove · 10 months

Text

MEANT TO BE ❤️‍🔥- PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: when Joel finds out even his brother is settling down, he decides to go after you and try to be happy with the woman of his dreams: you 💞

(This is the second part of the story MEANT TO BE ❤️‍🔥 )

Warnings: angst, sad!joel, arguments, love sick puppy!joel, fluff, happy ending, two stubborn idiots in love

A/N: Hi besties!! I know it took a little longer for this part to come out but here it is! I hope you all enjoy it and forgive me angsty besties but I cannot give our husband Joel a sad ending 🤧 he deserves to be happy!

3k words

Joel knew jealousy was an ugly feeling, no matter the reason that caused it - if he felt jealous of his partner, or if he felt jealous of his things because he didn't like to share or when jealousy was just an euphemism for envy whenever someone got something he desired and couldn't have. It was a human feeling, he knew people were bound to feel that way and it was alright, as long as it didn't harm anyone, everybody eventually had one of these feelings here and there, as it was also popular knowledge we can't control our feelings.

Yet, he still felt pretty bad when he realized he was jealous of his brother, when Tommy broke the news to Joel he was going to be a dad.

Tommy was the kind of man who seemed to refuse to grow up, he was hard-working of course, no one could say anything at all about that, but when it came to his personal life, he acted like a thirty-something year old man child. Girlfriends would come and go, he often got himself into trouble, having to hide away or something, eventually fighting angry boyfriends and a husband or two when they found the younger Miller had his filthy hands on their women. Perhaps watching his older brother having to mature so young after getting his girlfriend pregnant, getting married just to be abandoned with a baby to raise on his own made Tommy feel the need to enjoy his life before shit got serious just like it happened to Joel, but a part of him knew that maybe he should be more like his older brother, more responsible with his love affairs, more committed to the girls he liked, just like Joel often thought that perhaps he should be the more like his younger brother, relax and enjoy life now that his daughter was in college, and Joel had more time to himself. Neither of them would admit it though.

Joel stared at his brother, who was sitting on the couch across from him. Resting his elbows on his thigh and face buried between hands, taking a deep breath before he could think of anything else to say.

Tommy was going to be a father. He'd found out about it the day before, when his girlfriend, Maria, came desperately to the small office downtown Joel had recently rented to be the headquarter of their construction business, a place where they could manage the red tape by storing documents, hiring someone to take phone calls and organize a working schedule. Joel is hardly ever there, he is usually out doing the actual business, but his little brother used to be there more frequently.

So he got pretty shocked when Maria barged in with a bunch of pregnancy tests - all positive plus another blood one. And in the blink of an eye, it seemed Tommy would have to become the responsible brother from that moment on.

"So what's your plan Tommy? You're gonna be a dad, are you even marrying the girl or what?"

"I-I was hoping to stick around with Maria for a few months…"

Joel snorted, he had let his brother 'stick around' for a few months just before he could get settled and that was when Sarah was in highschool.

"Yeah? And then what? When the kid is born, where are you putting the crib? In the garage? Cause we ain't got no space, Tommy!" Joel saw how Tommy's face fell, he felt angry because he knew his brother had potential, but god, it infuriated Joel when Tommy thought his older brother would be able to handle everything for him.

On the other hand, Tommy he'd been next to Joel all along through the most challenging task of raising his daughter, and even if his brother was laid-back, he had to help him.

The older Miller took a real long breath and looked at Tommy's scared eyes

"I'll help you Tommy"

Joel didn't remember the last time his brother hugged him, it was probably when they were kids, but Tommy did hug his older brother, so thankful to know his brother would offer him help.

"Hey bro…" Tommy said with a relieved smile, looking at Joel "you help me out and I help you out: Y/N is back in town for good… apparently she quit or was fired or whatever, and she's staying at her grandma's and she is working downtown… next to our office" he winked and left.

And that information was what made Joel's jealousy spike even more. He was jealous of his brother, because Joel was the one who wanted to become a father again, he wanted to have you come to him and break the news, he wanted you to be carrying his baby, having to move in together, get married and raise your baby Miller together. He wanted all of those things with you, because his heart ached for you, for your touch, especially for the past month, he couldn't simply get your visit out of his mind. He replayed that night over and over, thinking of what he could've done to make you stay, he'd been in love with you and that was no secret at all, but he'd made you go away because he thought he was doing the right thing for you. He thought that by making you chase after your dream, you'd be happier, because he always loved how intelligent and strong you were and how you would definitely reach your goals if nothing held you back. He just assumed you'd be better off without him, without being trapped in that normal, simple suburban life and maybe he was right, maybe you were better off, making money and working in a job you loved, but god knew he missed you, he craved you, your presence, your touch, the way he obsessively kept the watch you'd kinda gifted him on his wrist all the time, or how he found himself unable to throw away the delicate, colorful paper bag you'd brought in his cupcakes. Sometimes he thought he was going mad, but in reality, he was just broken hearted to have let his happiness escape like grains of sand through his fingers.

That night, Tommy decided to take Maria out for dinner, they were both over the moon to know Joel would help them for the next few months, allowing them to stay in the house. Whenever Sarah came to visit from college, then they'd have to rearrange some things, and his heart weighed in his chest to know you would've been the first one to assure Joel he was doing the right thing and that even if things were a little crowded in the house, your place in his bed would be there. Tommy had invited Joel to go with them, but he declined, he definitely didn't want to be a third wheel during such a special moment in his little brother's life and also the fact he wasn't just good company, Joel was upset and quiet, as he couldn't stop thinking about what Tommy had told him: you were back, for good.

That fed his silly heart with hopes, knowing you were back in town, no fancy job between the two of you and as much as he wanted you to succeed, if things didn't work professionally for whatever reason, maybe you could still be happy when it came to love? However, you hadn't got in touch with him, so maybe, it meant you didn't want him anymore? If that was the case, you wouldn't have showed up at his birthday, would you?

Joel had so many unanswered questions and he didn't want to be trapped inside his mind, so he gathered the courage he needed, grabbed his truck keys and decided to drive to your place. He was going to see you.

You helped your grandma get comfortable in bed and smiled at her, she was getting weaker each day and it was difficult to watch it without being able to do anything about it and pretend it isn't affecting you that much. You'd been back in town after being fired from your job and it felt kind of a relief if you were going to be honest with yourself. It paid well, but it also took away your mental health in the months you'd been away, combined with the heartbreak after your break up, you could say you had been through one of the worst times of your life. Not that things were great now that your grandmother had fallen ill, but at least you were home, you had found another job at a small publisher downtown, similar to the one you had, but the demands weren't as stressful and the environment wasn't toxic, which comforted you. The money wasn't as much, but you couldn't complain, and once you moved into your grandma's you were already saving up with rent, at the same time she would be assisted in case of an emergency. It broke your heart to know lately she'd been asking you a lot about Joel and also giving you the talk about the importance of finding love in life and not being alone, you knew deep inside it was because she feared dying before seeing you happy with someone she really hoped it would be Joel.

You placed the blanket over your grandmother and wished her a good night of sleep, but you felt her grip on your wrist before you could walk away.

"Have you talked to him?" She asked in her tired voice

"You mean Joel? No grandma, I haven't.. not since his birthday, at least… why?"

"Because you love each other and it's just stupid how the two of you try to deny it" she grunted "I just want you to be happy, and I know you will find happiness next to Joel, he's the right man for you.."

"Grandma I-" you frowned as you were cut off by the doorbell, finding it odd someone would show up at that hour but excused yourself, relieved to have a distraction and not having to discuss that subject with your grandmother.

You ran downstairs curious to see who would possibly be knocking and also getting ready to ditch them, when you opened the door and got surprised to find Joel standing there. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck, looking visibly shy to be there

"Joel? Did something happen?" You asked worriedly and saw he shook his head

"Not really, I just want to talk to you… may I come in?" He asked politely but took a step further even before you could give him permission, so you just opened space and closed the door behind him, welcoming him into the living room and offering a place to sit, but he refused

"I need to talk to you, Y/N and I will get straight to the point: I love you, I always have and I'm sure I always will. Making you go away was a huge mistake, I thought I would do something good for you, I thought it would help you to leave me and get yourself a nice job, so you wouldn't be trapped with me, I want you to have the world, and I'll give you everything I can, even if you deserve more…"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Joel? You said yourself I was just an adventure to you and nothing else! You said you would never have a family with me, you told me you were just excited by the fact I was younger but you were tired of me" you immediately replied, you could feel the anger building up inside of you, how dare he break your heart, shatter it to pieces only to come back a few months later with a puppy face and say he wanted you back.

"That was all bullshit, you don't get that? I knew that if I just tried breaking up with you, you wouldn't take it, you're stubborn and fierce and you would have fought for us, so if you thought that maybe I didn't love you like you loved me, maybe you'd go after your dreams…"

"Who did you think you were to try and decide what was best for me? You thought I would've chosen money? What do you take me for? A snotty little rich girl? Fuck you Joel, you broke my heart, you treated me like shit and now you want to convince me I wasn't just some fuck for you?"

"I bought you a fucking ring, Y/N, a ring! I was ready to propose to you, what do you want to believe in me? Want me to get on my fucking knees and propose to you now? Because I can fucking do it!" He raised his voice, losing his temper with you. Joel often loved how fierce you were, but now was certainly not the occasion.

"Fuck you and your ring, Joel! I don't want either of you" you spat at him, angry tears pooling in your eyes at how disturbed the argument with him left you.

"W-what?" He asked after some time, it took him a few seconds for your words to sink in, his eyes were big and hopeful, and you hated yourself to see you were hurting him, at the same time you couldn't help a petty feeling take over your senses and the need of hurting him overshadowed you.

"You heard me, get out Joel. You and I are done, you said I was just an adventure to you, but maybe you were just an adventure to me, maybe I was just into the thrill of having the attention of an older guy and now the thrill is gone…"

You looked down ashamed to stare at him in the eyes, because you knew if you watched them fill with tears you'd get on your knees and beg him for forgiveness. Just like when Joel broke up with you and he turned his back waiting for you to leave, you did the same, incapable of facing him.

The man walked out the door defeated, Joel grew up in a time where he was taught men shouldn't cry, but goddamn it felt hard not to. He'd been crushed by your words, the woman he loved, and there it was: the rejection he thought wouldn't come. Joel had a box with an engagement ring in his pocket and a broken heart in his chest.

He was about to get inside his truck when he heard his name. At first he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks, but when he heard your voice calling him again, he turned around, blinking away his tears so you wouldn't see them and raised his eyebrow, wondering what you could possibly want. Another round of insults and humiliation? But instead, he was taken aback by your arms wrapping around his waist the moment you buried yourself into his chest. You clung to him as you sobbed, your grip tight around him, as you mumbled apologies and other things he couldn't quite comprehend. He looked down at you without moving for a few seconds, until he gave in and finally wrapped his arms around you too, holding you as tight as you held him.

He rubbed your back up and down and cooed at you, trying to get you to calm down.

"I-I'm so sorry Joel, I really am… I was horrible to you, I was so mean and cruel to you, I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me, I didn't mean any of it" you said all at once without even managing to breathe.

He kept silent, watching your crying face and had an insight of what having a child with you would be like - a baby girl, who would have the same beautiful eyes glistening with tears whenever something bothered her.

His thumb went for your cheek, caressing it gently at the same time it wiped your tears.

"I understand if you don't want to forgive me, Joel, but I swear I didn't mean anything I said, you love me don't you?" You whispered as your hand stroked his face "I love you too Joel, you could never be just an adventure, you're the love of my life, I'm sure of it" You confessed, still feeling the guilt of hurting him stabbing you like a hundred knives.

You got on the tip of your toes and gently pecked his lips, your hands holding his face between your grip as his hands went for your hips, holding your body against his as he deepened the kiss. Joel was confused, he was upset, angry, relieved all of that mixed up, but above all, he was feeling hungry. Hungry for you.

You could've spent the whole night lost in his arms, feeling his lips against yours, having missed them so much, but eventually, you two broke the kiss. You watched the man with anxiety and anticipation, he was still silent and it was unnerving.

Joel placed his hand into his pocket and found the box, getting on his knees in front of you and displaying the ring he'd bought nearly a year ago. It wasn't expensive, it was all he could afford, but he knew that if you meant your apologies, if you meant your love words, you wouldn't care about it at all.

You, on the other hand, felt your heart skipping a beat the moment you saw Joel falling onto his knees right in front of you and showing you the ring. You didn't even understand why Joel kept saying it was a cheap ring, when in reality it was the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen, you gasped and bit your lips, unable to find any words.

"Marry me…" it wasn't a question, it was a plea, you could read it in his eyes, Joel needed you as much as you needed him.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you Joel" you told him, getting on your knees in front of him, kissing his lips and shaking softly, but being immediately engulfed in his arms.

Joel put the ring on your finger and you chuckled, kissing him again.

You two were meant to be and there was no way of fighting that.

_____

A/N: can Joel Miller propose to me right now please? 😭

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller imagine #joel miller tlou #joel miller the last of us #tlou show #tlou fanfiction

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k-marzolf · 7 months

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the wolf and the rabbit.

Billy and you have danced around each other, when Billy finally gets his hands on you.

Maria’s best friend!reader, smut (18+!), oral (f receiving), p in v (unprotected, wrap it before you tap it), kissing, teasing, possessive behavior, fem!reader.

818 words.

If only Maria could see you now, pinned under her husband’s best friend. She’d be shocked at her shy little friend moaning wantonly for him. But he made you feel wanted, and desired.

Like you weren’t just an undesirable chubby.

“Sweetest cunt I ever tasted,” Billy purred, a bruising grip on your thighs as he spread them wider. “My good girl, aren’t you, bunny?” He asked, smiling wickedly.

“Bunny?” You squeaked, thighs trembling.

He flashed his teeth in a smile; “You remind me of a little rabbit, caught in the jaws of the wolf.”

His mouth dipped down, tasting you again as if he couldn’t get enough of your taste, enough of you.

And maybe he couldn’t.

“Billy, would you like some peaches?” You’d asked during the summer, holding one out to him, affectionately.

Billy’s mouth wrapped around the fruit, and your fingers, making your cheeks warm, but you maintained eye contact with him. “Tastes sweet,” he said, smirking.

“You’re incorrigible, Billy.” You had admonished shyly.

He had just laughed.

“Billy, please. Need you.” you whined, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling his mouth off your pussy, and wrapping your legs around him as he kissed up your body to your mouth.

You felt empty.

“What do you need, bunny?” He asked, curling his fingers inside you, making you keen.

“Need your cock.” You begged prettily, as you noticed his eyes shine with something dark. It excited you, drew you in like a moth to a flame.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he said, roughly pulling your hips to meet his. He’d never wanted something more than he wanted you. Probably power. Maybe Anvil.

Every time he saw you, he yearned for you while you wore those pretty dresses, and your honeyed words, and your tender touches.

“You look pretty, baby.” Billy remembered saying one time.

“So do you, Billy. Devilish.” You’d replied, shyly.

Billy had laughed. God, you were too sweet.

“Yours,” you murmured shyly, letting out a cry of relief as he pushed into you, stretching you. You both groaned. He gave you no time to adjust, as he braced himself on the headboard bottoming out inside you, and drew back, setting a quick pace.

His fingers palmed your breasts, making you arch as he leaned down, taking your nipples into his mouth, scraping them with his teeth, and you mewled squeezing him. You burned for him—none of your boyfriends had made you feel like this, like you were burning from the inside out.

“Fuck, this pussy’s mine.” Billy growled, fingers digging into your hips. And you wondered if he was serious, as he made you keen helplessly, trying to keep up with his pace.

The sound of your soft moans, and the skin slapping against skin filled the room. Your nails dug into his hips leaving crescent moon marks.

Billy’s own moans made you realize you were making him feel just as good as he was making you feel.

You pulled him down for a kiss, making him stiffen for a moment. He wasn’t used to affection during sex. Women didn’t want affection from Billy, they wanted his money, and his status; sex had been their tool.

But your sweet kisses had him relaxing into your affection slowly, enjoying your tender touches, as you stroked his sweaty hair, making him groan into your kiss.

He wanted more of your affection, more of you, and it fucking terrified him. You wrapped your whole body around him as he fucked into you. He pulled back snarling, “Mine.”

“All Billy’s.” You panted, nails leaving red marks down his back. Your toes curled, and your back arched as you came around him, squeezing him.

“Fuck!” Billy swore, fingers moving to your clit. “You’re gonna come for me again, bunny.” He panted, making you whine.

“Can’t,” you breathed.

You’d rarely cum once with a partner let alone twice. But god, you could feel it building again, the way he stroked you, cock unremitting, hitting that spot inside you that made you see stars. The way his fingers teased you, making you clench around him.

“Take it,” growled Billy, “take it all, bunny.” He said, baring his teeth.

You soaked his cock and your thighs, your orgasm washing over you, pulled roughly on his hair as it did, as he left every cell in your body burning for him, and his movements were getting sloppy.

“Good girl,” he hissed, grabbing your hips in a bruising grip, moans growing louder, deeper, as he sped up, before he finally came filling you up with a low groan.

He panted, and rolled off you laying on his back, trying to catch his breath. You shyly pressed into his side, brushing hair from his face, and taking his hand, you pressed kisses into his scarred palm.

He kissed your forehead, and stroked your spine, knowing he was in over his head.

But goddamn he liked you.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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chvoswxtch · 14 days

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Court, my queen, congrats on 4k!!! 🫶🫶🫶 May I order a macchiato where Billy introduces the reader to the Castles for the first time?

thank you so much nonnie!

okay i'm setting this in an alternate universe where billy isn't a backstabbing little bitch for my own sanity

headcannon below the cut

billy russo introduces you to the castles

as we all know, billy is a whore. when frank teases him about quality over quantity, billy literally says "god made me this way for a reason, it would be wrong not to share the wealth"

but despite playing up his playboy persona, billy is secretly envious of what frank has

every time he comes over for sunday dinner & sees frank & maria standing side by side in the kitchen, sharing kisses & sweet nothings while doing the dishes together, he feels a deep longing for that same kind of connection

he doesn't want to always be fun uncle billy, he wants more

billy has never brought a girl around the castles bc well...he doesn't keep one around long enough, but that all changes when he meets you

from the moment he meets you, billy can feel a special spark between you. he can't explain it, he's never felt it before, but he knows he doesn't want to lose it

he's not used to someone wanting to be with him just for him. in all his "relationships", he's lured women in with his good looks & charm, & given them a taste of his luxurious lifestyle to have them eating out of the palm of his hand. however, that doesn't work with you, & him showing off actually makes you pull back from him

billy realizes quickly he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing when it comes to having a real, honest relationship, so he turns to the one person he knows can help him: frank

oh and you know frank is absolutely giving him shit & having a fucking field day with it

"billy the beaut comin' to me for advice on women? hell must have frozen over, huh, bill?"

but despite getting a kick out of busting his balls, frank is genuinely happy that billy has found someone, & even maria chimes in with advice & pointers

billy talks about you all the time to them, & he talks about them all the time to you too since they're the only family he has. they've been bugging him for weeks to bring you along for sunday dinner, especially maria. they all wanna meet the girl that's managed to reform billy russo

when he finally agrees to bring you over with him, billy is ecstatic. he can't wait to show you off & watch them fall in love with you too. he can tell that you're nervous considering this is the equivalent of meeting his family, but he reassures you several times on the way over that you've got nothing to worry about

"sweetheart, I don't think you realize they already love you. they just wanna put a pretty face to a name they hear all the time."

sitting there at the dinner table with frank, maria, & the kids & you by his side, it's like something finally hits him. this is it. that thing he's been searching for since he was a kid, that void he's been trying to fill with money & women, the one thing he's truly always wanted; he finally has it

watching you help maria with the dishes, play with the kids in the backyard, trade banter with frank, it all just reinforces that newfound warmth & feeling of fulfillment. this was it, you were it

the raw happiness he feels nearly brings him to his knees, & he has to excuse himself to the bathroom for a moment to collect himself. you fit so perfectly into his life, like you were meant to be there all along. seeing the way you interacted with his chosen family just confirmed it

but what really warmed his heart was the look of joy & excitement on frank & maria's faces. he could see just how happy they were for him. they interacted with you like you had been coming over ever week for dinner for years despite it being their first time meeting you

when billy goes to the kitchen to grab another beer, frank follows him. he just gives him a knowing look & a grin before patting him on the shoulder

"gotta tell ya bill, never thought i'd see the day you actually picked a winner and settled down, but i'm happy for ya. you got a great girl out there. bein' all lovesick looks good on ya."

all throughout dinner, billy holds your hand under the table. there's a moment when frank & maria are talking, & billy's just looking at you like he's in awe. he gives your hand a light squeeze to capture your attention, & when you look at him, he just grins and flashes you a wink

for the first time in his life, billy feels a weight lift off his chest that had always been there, & he feels nothing but pure content, bc he finally has the sense of belonging he's always wanted. he suddenly realizes that he's not alone in this world anymore. he has a family, & he has you

#court's 4k followers celebration #court's 4k friends celebration #court's cafe #billy russo #billy russo x you #billy russo x reader #billy russo headcannon #billy russo request

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jksprincess10 · 2 months

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Something in the shadows || 3. Consuming

Summary: When a girl is found by Ellie just outside of Jackson, covered in what seems to be scratches from a beast, the community realizes that the infected might not be the only monsters out there.

CWs: Dark!Joel, monster!Joel, werewolf!Joel, NOT an omegaverse fic, fated mates, DUBCON, murders, gore, dark and horror themes, overprotective!joel, explicit smut, FMC without a name and a physical description (it's you baby), unspecified age gap, no y/n.

(2k words)

Dividers by @saradika

Fic masterlist

Notification blog

Divider by @saradika

Tommy was talking, but he wasn’t listening. His brown eyes were focused on his boots, on the crunching sound of the snow beneath his weight, reminiscent of the sound a neck makes when it breaks. Sleep had found him surprisingly fast after he fed the beast and after he drank himself to sleep.

But he still had that eerie feeling of things not being quite right.

“You listenin’, Joel?”

“Yeah.” He lied and repeated some parts of what Tommy said. His brother seemed satisfied.

They walked deeper and deeper into the woods to check on some traps. The beast within him grew angry and excited, as he got closer and closer.

Human flesh and blood replaced the flesh of an animal. The girl, her body twisted, half-eaten. The beast gloated as it got reminded of his victim. Its hunger was sated, but for how long?

“Fuck. There’s more.” Cursed Tommy.

Joel looked away. “We can’t bury her. S’too frozen out here.”

And so, they burned the flesh. Flames and fumes licked the sky with a vague smell of meat. After their job was finished, Tommy and Joel went back to the Jackson community. Maybe it was too early to drink, but the men needed something to forget the horrible sight. The tipsy bison was a staple. The inside was warm and inviting, the walls lined with dark-colored wood and decorated with various hunting trophies. The stools and the bar were both solid and handmade by some men’s hands, who weren’t drunk yet.

The liquid swirled with the movement of his cold hand. His gaze was empty, and silence filled the space.

“I don’t think it’s a matter of what is doing that anymore, but who.” Tommy’s voice was thick with worry, and his brother frowned.

“What do ya mean? That thing can’t be human, surely.” Joel cleared his throat and downed his drink.

“Don’t ya think we would’ve seen it by now on our patrols…”

“We don’t really know what’s out there anymore, Tommy.” The beast was worried. It wanted to be let out, to claw off his brother’s face. It didn’t want to risk being taken away from her. He changed the subject. “How’s the kid?”

“Your nephew is great. Why don’t you come and visit some time soon? It’s like he doesn’t exist for you.”

“Wow, so you’re the girl living with the Joel Miller? What a hunk.” The older woman asked, her hands still working the knitting needles effortlessly. The women around giggled like schoolgirls.

But she felt her cheeks heating up, filled with something close to jealousy. “Huh… yeah. His girl… Ellie. She’s the one who found me.” She didn’t know how to describe the relationship between Joel and Ellie, but they made it clear that he wasn’t the girl’s dad.

She had hoped being around people would be good for her, that it would maybe bring out some memories. But she could only grasp some glimpses from a past she wasn’t sure was real in her dreams and nightmares.

The women hummed and tried to ask her questions about her upbringing. But thankfully, Maria, Joel’s sister-in-law, she had learned, changed the subject, and called the women too nosey.

The circle of women in Jackson met once or twice every month or so, and Maria was the one who invited her. Even though it was nice of Tommy’s wife, she didn’t think she would come back next time. When it was finally over, she felt like she was breathing for the first time. Being around those women was suffocating. The cold winter air tickled her lungs as she walked back to the modest house she shared with Joel and Ellie. It was still empty, Ellie had probably gone to spend time with the animals of the community and Joel was on patrol with his brother.

Joel crossed her mind, and she bit her lip, remembering the moment they shared last night in front of the fire.

She threw some wood in the hearth and got a fire started to warm up the house. While she admired the flames that started to form, she thought of the way he looked at her. Like he wanted to eat her. He wanted her, she had the evidence of that yesterday. And she wanted him. Shame and desire twisted in her stomach as she remembered the thoughts she had while touching herself.

But he was so closed-off. She wanted to know more. She would collect every piece of information she got about Joel and would keep it locked tightly in her memory. It occurred to her that she had never been in his room, and she was curious. Now that she was alone… maybe a little peak wouldn’t hurt.

The old stairs creaked under her weight. In some ways, it felt like this house was alive. Stories of befores and afters she didn’t know of filling these walls. Joel’s bedroom was the first door. She twisted the knob slowly. The room was lit only by the small window, uncovered by dark blue fabric curtains. The first thing she noticed was how big the bed was. It was messy and undone, yellowed pillows thrown haphazardly, a thick blanket with a motif that reminded her of the shirts he usually wore, but in a dark blue color. Above his bed was a cheesy painting with a fall landscape and abstract horses. The bedframe was made from dark wood with intricate details. She wondered if Joel made it himself. There was also a simple drawer cabinet of a similar style. It was dusty, left untouched. She couldn’t resist trailing her finger in the dust, leaving her mark on the wood, similar to the scars that she adorned. There was a single framed photo, that was visibly too small for its frame. It was visibly old and had been folded in a wallet, but there was a girl smiling. She had beautiful curls and beautiful teeth. She wondered who she was. The last objects that would give any clue to who Joel was, were a small block of wood and an old knife. On her way out, she also found an acoustic guitar by the door.

She collected her thoughts and made a mental list:

1. Joel liked cheesy country décor.

2. Joel liked horses.

3. Joel carved wood and played guitar in his free time.

4. Joel lost someone who mattered to him.

Joel couldn’t deny that his brother’s words stung like hell.

“Listen, M’still trying to figure life out without Sarah. I don’t know how to do that whole uncle thing.”

“I know Joel, but please, won’t ya just… try? S'been over 20 years.”

He had come here at first to find his brother, but he hadn't expected to step foot into a new familial situation, which he wasn't ready for.

“M’sorry, Tommy.”

The glass was emptied and abandoned.

His voice called and she climbed down the stairs, acting like she hadn’t been snooping in his room. Joel’s face was still red from being outside, and she could see the sparkle of melted snow in his grey curls.

“You’re here early.”

“Yeah, patrol was rough.” He cleared his throat and slipped off his heavy boots. “How was the… women circle?”

“Fucking terrible. I think I’ll enlist on the laundry tasks and forget any other social activities.” She joked, and she swore she could see the hint of a smile on the man’s lips.

“Understandable. They always need more hands at laundry.” His heavy coat hung, he approached her and delicately took her wrist. She jumped a little at his unexpected touch. “Let me see how those scars are healing up.” She could smell alcohol on his breath.

She agreed and rolled her sleeve, unveiling reddish raised lines that curled around her arm. His cold hand on her bare skin made her shiver. His eyes darkened, and he let go of her when the beast inside of him threatened to come out.

“Good. Let me know if they hurt.”

“T…hank you, I’ll go see if they need help at laundry.”

“Alright.”

When she left, his steps led him to the bathroom, where he could use a warm bath. The luxury of hot water was something they could afford here, and after 20 years of simply surviving, he didn’t think this would be possible to live this comfortably again. The water was steaming when he laid his aching body in the tub, most of his body under the water while his head rested against the tub’s border. His muscles relaxed.

He closed his eyes, a dangerous thing he avoided. It would go in two directions:

Thinking about the people he lost or thinking about devouring her.

Her skin still burned with the ghost of his touch as she walked to the common area where people of the community did the laundry and other tasks that would help everyone else. She offered her help, and they guided her to the room where they would wash articles of clothing by hand.

She scrubbed until her skin was raw and wrinkled from being submerged water. She scrubbed until it was dark out. She scrubbed until she was met with a shirt that resembled one of Joel’s and she was forced to go to the place she now called home.

When she arrived, Joel and Ellie were already sitting at the table and eating a meaty stew that made her mouth water. The girl was ecstatic to see her, and she got up to greet her at the door. The smile she gave her stirred something warm in her being, a feeling of familiarity.

Ellie hugged her tightly. “Joel was about to come and pick you up.”

“Not true.” He said gruffly from the dining room.

“Sorry, I guess I didn’t see the time pass.”

She got rid of her outdoor clothes and boots and joined them with a lighter heart. Ellie talked about her day, and she did too, not holding back on how nosey the women of Jackson were. It ended in laughs and giggles. She even heard Joel chuckle.

“You’re very popular with the women of Jackson, apparently.” She finally concluded with a pinch of jealousy.

“Don’t really care.” Joel mumbled. Something in him groaned her her her I want her.

It soothed her for a bit.

She wished Ellie and Joel goodnight before disappearing into her bedroom. She felt very warm and fuzzy after her dinner, and she shed her superficial layers of clothing to replace them with a t-shirt she found in her drawers and clean panties. She tossed the heavy blankets and slipped under them.

Her thoughts wandered to Joel again. How he touched her skin so delicately, how he looked at her with big, dark eyes.

Until she fell asleep, and her dreams turned sour.

The bodies, they were so many of them. Disfigured, torn open, but still talking.

Help us

Remember us

The voices chanted like one, the corpses’ mouths wide open, swallowing her whole. When she woke up, she was already mid-scream, and she felt a weight on her. His big thighs on her waist, his hands shaking her awake, his eyes, scared.

“Joel.” She breathed.

In the faint moonlight peeking from her curtains, she saw the golden skin of his bare chest, his naked strong thighs, and his dark boxer briefs that left little to the imagination.

Joel’s hand brushed sweaty strands of hair away from her forehead in a tenderly gesture that felt oddly domestic. She swallowed with difficulty, and he followed the movement of her bare throat.

“Heard you scream. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked down at her body. Amid her trashing, she had gotten rid of her blankets and the soft skin of her thighs was exposed. He wanted to bury his face in it. He wanted to bite and mark the skin.

“It was just a nightmare.” She followed his gaze and felt heat rushing to her face. Arousal spread in her panties. She wanted him naked. On top of her. Just like this. Before she could think about this rationally, she wrapped her hands around his thick neck and pulled him down. She heard his breath get stuck in his throat like he forgot how to breathe. Their lips brushed slightly, until he moved off her with a clearing of his throat. He feared what he would do to her if they started this.

“You should sleep. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.” He sat beside her on top of the covers, and she turned to the opposite side to hide her disappointment. “You know, I get them too. Often.” He murmured softly.

“What kind of nightmares?”

Opening up was hard. But he slowly opened the door. Just a tiny crack, one from where she could peak inside his soul. “Revisiting the night I lost my daughter all over again.”

“I’m sorry, Joel.”

So it was true. The girl she saw was his daughter.

“I dreamed of the corpses. They asked me for help and for me to remember.” She shared in return.

“Sleep. I’ll be here.” He promised.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #something in the shadows #monster!joel #monster!joel miller #werewolf!joel miller #werewolf!joel #joel miller smut #joel miller story #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x yn #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x foc #joel miller x f!oc

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punkshort · 9 months

Text

Chapter warnings: language, mild reference to self harm and SA, alcohol

Chapter Eighteen - extra scene

"Thought you weren't drinkin' tonight?" he said to you.

“I changed my mind,” you said and gave him a wink before following Maria and finding two empty stools up against the bar.

Joel ticked his jaw to the side as he watched you leave, finding it difficult to tear his eyes from you. He told himself he was being protective, but he knew deep down there was another reason. A more selfish reason. He watched as you lifted a glass filled with clear liquid to your lips and the wince that followed. It wasn't even sexual, but his body was reacting anyway. He swallowed roughly, trying to control his thoughts while his brother was sitting less than a foot away. Must be the whiskey.

“You got it bad, huh?” Tommy said. Joel expected his tone to be teasing but it was more sympathetic and understanding. He finally pulled his gaze from you to look at his brother, trying to decide how much to confide in him.

“Shit,” Joel said, taking a swig of whiskey. “She’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

Tommy laughed and clapped Joel on the back.

“Yeah, well, it’s about time. Told ya a year ago. I could see it all over your face, even back then.”

Joel winced as he remembered the fight you had, swirling the liquid around in his glass with his wrist.

“I almost fucked it up, Tommy. Thought I did fuck it up, actually,” he took another sip as Tommy leaned back in his chair. “I ran into her the night before my birthday. At a bar. We had both been drinkin’ and I guess it all just boiled over. Had me makin’ out with her outside the bar like I was a goddamn teenager.” Joel laughed softly at the memory, then looked back at you marveling at the string lights hanging above the bar.

“So, what happened?” Tommy pressed, tapping his fingers lightly on the table. Joel sighed.

“Asked her to come home with me, she said no, said she had been drinkin’ too much, which was a good call, and I knew it. But the next day I had this grand plan to get her alone and ask her out properly. Dinner, drinks, whatever she wanted to do,” Joel sighed again and rubbed his face in his hands.

“Right before she was comin’ up to my office, I saw her with some guy in the copy room. Looked like she was flirtin’ with him. Found out later the guy was gay and they were just messin’ around but I fuckin’ yelled at her. I had no right, and I made her cry. Called her a whore,” Joel downed the rest of his whiskey at the memory and Tommy signaled to Seth to bring over two more.

“Jesus, Joel. A whore? That’s harsh,” Tommy said in disbelief.

“I fuckin’ know that,” Joel seethed and his fist clenched. “It was just… the fuckin’ copy room.”

Tommy’s eyes widened in realization, then nodded.

“Right. Shit.”

“Anyway,” Joel continued, nodding his thanks to Seth for the drink and wrapping his hand around the glass. “That’s why she quit. That’s why I was runnin’ down the street after her when shit hit the fan. It was tense for a while, we never talked about it, til we did. Cleared the air and all that.” He took a sip and smiled against the glass as he remembered that night in the house when you finally hashed it all out and admitted your feelings for each other. “Ended up workin’ out, somehow. Don’t know what she sees in me but I ain’t complainin’.”

“Well, brother, you hold onto her for as long as she lets you. I could tell right away. Never saw you this happy in my life, even with Amy.”

Joel cringed at the name, and Tommy laughed.

“Oh, c'mon, it’s been years and I can’t even say her name?”

“There’s more,” Joel groaned, and took a healthy sip from his glass. “Turns out, Amy is alive and well in Kansas City. Found that out the very fuckin’ hard way while back.” Tommy’s jaw dropped.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me,” he said.

“She’s runnin’ some fucked up community out there, whorin’ out the women to all the men like ration cards. Fuckin’… animals.” Joel squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his chest, breathing deep to keep the panic at bay.

Tommy grew silent as he started to connect the dots.

“And you brought her there.” Tommy said it as more of a statement rather than a question, and Joel gave him a tight nod.

“I didn’t know,” he choked out, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to hide the emotion in his face. “This one fucker, he cornered her in a closet, and- and I wasn’t there, I wasn’t there to protect her,” he jabbed his finger aggressively on the table as he stared at Tommy. “I fucked up again, Tommy. I thought she was gonna –“ Joel stopped himself from finishing his sentence, leaning back in the chair and raking his hand through his hair. “I thought I was gonna lose her.”

Tommy exhaled harshly and shook his head, absorbing the heaviness of the conversation and trying to find the right words to soothe his brother.

“But she didn’t, Joel. She’s here, and look at her,” Tommy pointed over to you and Maria at the bar and Joel looked up. Maria must have seen Tommy’s gesture because she caught his eye and you turned around. You looked at him with warmth and a small smile before turning back to Maria.

“She’s fine, Joel. She lived, and she’s happy, isn’t she?” Joel scoffed at the word fine.

“Yeah, took a long time, but she’s comin’ around. I can see the spark in her eyes again, she’s laughin’ and smilin’ all the time, especially since she got here. And Tommy,” Joel reached out a hand to place on his shoulder, blaming the alcohol for making him so uncharacteristically emotional in front of his brother. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for giving her this place.”

Tommy smiled and waved Joel’s hand off his shoulder.

“I didn’t make this place, she did,” he nodded in Maria’s direction, who was engrossed in conversation with you at the bar.

“Yeah, I suppose that's true,” Joel leaned back and took a sip of his drink, deciding it was time to pay Tommy back for all his teasing. “Seems as though you might be wrapped around her finger as well?” Joel raised an eyebrow at Tommy and he smirked.

“We kissed a few times, usually when we were drinkin’ but nothin’ more,” Tommy admitted, focusing on the liquid in his glass.

“Where’s the heartbreaker that used to tear through our office, chasin’ every skirt he saw?” Joel grinned as Tommy shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Joel froze briefly when he saw out of the corner of his eye Maria gently lay her hand on top of yours, and he tensed, waiting for you to panic, but he was amazed to see you interlock your fingers with her own.

“I think those days are behind me, brother. She’s the only one I’ve got eyes for. Been that way for too long now,” Tommy admitted, a bit of sadness to his voice that brought Joel’s focus back to his brother.

“What’s the problem, then?” Joel pushed, nudging his knee against Tommy’s under the table.

“Ah, you know. I get a million excuses. Too busy, wants to keep it casual, all that. But for the first time, I don’t want somethin’ casual. I want somethin’ more, you know?”

Joel wanted to tease his brother some more, but he felt for him at that moment, relating all too well to his dilemma.

“Give it some time, she’ll come around. Hell, we got nothin’ but time now,” Joel chuckled, then tried to change the subject. “So anyway, tell me how the hell you ended up in Wyoming when you were supposed to be in California.”

Tommy began to regale Joel with his story about ending up in a QZ and meeting Seth and Maria when he saw you both heading towards his table, your arm slung through hers.

"I'm gonna head back," you told him, your arm still linked with Maria's. "I'm tired."

"Alright, I'll come with you," he said, flattening his palms against the table to stand, but you held your hand out.

"Why don't you stay with Tommy and catch up? Maria can walk me home," you turned to her with a smile that she returned.

He gave you a knowing look and cleared his throat.

"You sure?" he asked, clearly uneasy about you leaving his sight. You nodded.

"One hundred percent. Stay," you told him firmly, and he sat back down in his chair. "Spend time with your brother." Tommy shot you a grateful smile, but you missed it, trying to assure Joel through your gaze. "It's okay," you added softly, and he slowly nodded.

"I won't be long," he promised, and you waved him off.

"Take as much time as you want, I'm just going to fall asleep the minute I get back."

"Alright, then," Joel said, and you tossed him a wave as Maria pulled you towards the door and down the street.

Tommy chuckled as he downed the rest of his whiskey.

“Fall asleep the minute she gets back… doesn’t sound like you’re getting lucky tonight, brother.”

Tommy grabbed the empty glasses to bring to the bar, waving Seth down for another round as Joel groaned, rubbing his face in the palms of his hands.

Chapter Nineteen

Tag list: @chiogarza @sparklejumpropequeen-777 @shotgun-shelby @partyofone3413 @nana90azevedo

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller series #joel x reader #joel x reader smut #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us game #the way we were joel miller fic

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stuckinapril · 2 months

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Do you have any poetry recommendations? The poem poll made me realize that I like. ONLY know Iraqi poets. Like the only non-Iraqi poet I can name off the top of my head is Robert Frost

i'm literally hooked on poetry. even on days where i can't sit down to read a book, i try to consume at least one poem a day bc it keeps me sane. it actually does. i recommend signing up to one poem a day newsletters--those have been a game changer for me. as for recommendations, my favorite poems change every week, but current faves (whose authors i regularly go back to/are a good starting point) would be:

elegy for my sadness - chen chen (Who invented the word / “ennui”? A sad Frenchman? / A centipede? They should’ve never / been born. They should’ve seen me / in Paris, a sad teenage / exchange student. I was so sad / & so teenaged, one day my host sister / gripped my hand hard & even harder / said, SOIS HEUREUX. / BE HAPPY. & miraculously, / I wasn’t sad anymore. / All I felt was the desire to slap my host sister. / See, I was angry in Paris, which is clearly / not allowed. One can be sad in Paris (I was) / & one can be in love in Paris (I was not), / but angry? Angry in Paris?")

a pity, we were such a good invention - yehuda amichal ( "A pity / We were such a good / And loving invention / An aeroplane made from a man and wife / Wings and everything / We hovered a little above the earth")

like a small cafe, that's love - mahmoud darwish ("I say to myself at last / Perhaps she who I was waiting for / was waiting for me, or was waiting for some other man / or was waiting for us, and did not find him/me.")

bible study - tony hoagland ("Who knows, this might be the last good night of summer / My broken nose is forming an idea of what’s for supper / Hard to believe that death is just around the corner / What kind of idiot would think he even had a destiny?")

mother and child - louise gluck ("Why do I suffer? Why am I ignorant? / Cells in a great darkness. Some machine made us; / it is your turn to address it, to go back asking / what am I for? What am I for?")

america, america - saadi youssef ("We are not hostages, America, / and your soldiers are not God's soldiers... / We are the poor ones, ours is the earth of the drowned gods, / the gods of bulls, / the gods of fires, / the gods of sorrows that intertwine clay and blood in a song... / We are the poor, ours is the god of the poor, / who emerges out of farmers' ribs, / hungry / and bright, / and raises heads up high...")

the duino elegies (seventh elegy respectively) - rainer maria rilke ("Not only the devotion of these unfolded forces, / not only the paths, not only the evening fields, / not only, after a late storm, the breathing freshness, / not only approaching sleep and a premonition, evenings... / also the nights! Also the high summer nights / also the stars, the stars of this Earth! / O to be dead at last and know them eternally, / all the stars: for how, how, how to forget them!")

the endlessness - ada limon ("How was i supposed to feel then? About moving in the world? How could I touch anything or anyone without the weight of all of time shifting through us?")

psalm - adonis ("Open my memory and study my face beneath its words, learn my alphabet. When you see foam weaving my flesh and stone flowing in my blood, you will see me. I am closed like a tree trunk, present and ungraspable like air. Thus I cannot surrender to you.")

the war works hard - dunya mikhail ("The war continues working, / day and night. / It inspires tyrants / to deliver long speeches / awards medals to generals / and themes to poets / it contributes/ to the industry / of artificial limbs / provides food for flies / adds pages to the history books / achieves equality / between killer and killed / teaches lovers to write letters / accustoms young women to waiting / fills the newspapers / with articles and pictures / builds new houses / for the orphans / invigorates the coffin makers / gives grave diggers / a pat on the back / and paints a smile on the leader's face.")

#this list is me being conservative btw bc i got overwhelmed looking at the poetry list in my notes app ... its so hard to decide #a couple of these are iraqi poets but cmon #it's not a poetry list without mikhail and youssef's genius #poetry recs

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unrefinedmusings · 1 year

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Hi! I hope you’re doing good 💙. I’ve been thinking of a specific request for DAYSSS and I finally had the time to write it down and submit it.

It’s for Joel, of course 🤣. It’s pretty long and very specific HAHAHA. So I apologize in advance

Like the reader never had a good experience with sex, like maybe her first time was terrible and it was either before the outbreak or after, whichever you want. So it sets around the time they get to Jackson, maybe they stayed a few extra days because the reader convinced him. The reader makes friends and helps the kitchen prepare dinner for the evening, so the reader and the group of women are talking about their experiences and when she tells them about her first and only time having sex it was terrible and she didn’t even get to cum because the guy didn’t know what to do nor cared for her. And of course, Joel almost walks in because Maria had asked him to fix a broken shelf or wooden counter that Tommy would always forget to do. So when he hears her say a long the line, “I haven’t had an orgasm” or “My first time with a guy was terrible, he didn’t even make me cum”, he freezes and stays hidden hearing everything. For the rest, you can decide to either have Tommy find him hiding and teases him on his crush with the reader before the two of them walked in the kitchen casually as if Joel didn’t hear a thing or skip to Joel maybe bluntly asking the reader about her “past relationships” while they pick up the mess in the living room that Ellie made before going to bed.

got v carried away with this one. also i changed this up a little bit. just a scenario where joel is living in jackson with ellie. no references to specific plot points of the show/game. thank you for the request and hope you enjoy :)

Joel Miller x Reader

warnings: age gap (reader is ~20 younger than Joel), talking about sex, allusions to smut, suggestive situations, tiniest mention of violence

I could show you, darlin'

"Careful around the stove, Ellie," you warned the girl standing to your left.

"I know," she grumbled, continuing to stir a pot of stew.

Given Ellie's upbringing in the QZ, she knew little about cooking when she and Joel settled in Jackson. You were a few doors down from them and became friends with Ellie during her shifts at the community garden. Most of your time was spent there due to your green thumb.

You and Maria had taken it upon yourselves to teach Ellie the basics of making a meal. The teenager was currently helping cook dinner for three of you, as well as Joel and Tommy once they returned from patrol.

I hope Joel is wearing that green flannel, always makes his shoulders look-

You shook your head, disrupting your thoughts about the man whose presence made you blush cherry pink. Despite loving your new friendship with Ellie, seeing Joel more often was making your crush worse.

You were cutting up a pile of potatoes when Ellie asked, "Can I ask you guys...a sex question?"

You paused in your motions. The topic made you uncomfortable, but you didn't want to discourage Ellie's curiosity and answered, "Oh...of course."

"Okay, so I heard an older guy telling a story about sex in the big mess hall. I wasn't eavesdropping, he was talkin' loud. Didn't catch all of it but he mentioned the Eiffel Tower? Wasn't that the pointy thingy in France? Did he mean he did it up there?"

Your face flushed at the realization of what was being discussed. Luckily, Maria chimed in before you had to.

"No, he was referencing a certain sexual position. I won't get into specifics, but the name is a crude reference to what it looks like."

Maria's straight forward nature was one of your favorite things about her, especially right now. Conversations about this subject always left you nervous.

A few minutes later, Ellie groaned. "Damnit! I forgot the carrots. I'll run over to the garden, back in 5. Keep the stove on," she yelled, sprinting out and letting the backdoor slam shut behind her.

She must be hungry.

After a few moments Maria asked, "So do you have any fun stories like that?"

Your eyes widened. "Like what?"

She smiled and said, "Like sex stories. Anything worth mentioning?"

You sighed. "Honestly, no. I was pretty young when the outbreak happened so by the time sex was on my mind, survival always took priority. I couldn't trust anybody for a while. I've only been intimate with someone a handful of times. Always rushed, not at all satisfying. I put the urge out of my mind because I was always looking out for danger."

You paused before your next admission. Despite how vulnerable you felt, Maria was a good friend and you knew she wouldn't judge you.

"Living in Jackson has been amazing, finding peace after so long. However, it's given my mind time to...wander. Been wanting to touch someone again. I can take care of myself just fine, but I'm starting to get real lonely late at night," you confess, huffing out a laugh at the end.

"You're a lovely person and there are a lot of potential suitors for you in town who would agree with me," she says, laying plates on the table.

Unbeknownst to you, one of those suitors had arrived a few minutes earlier with Tommy, their entrance drowned out by the sound of Ellie's hasty exit. While his brother went upstairs to wash up, Joel overheard your conversation. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but listen in.

Joel had liked you since he met you. Though his attitude came off indifferent, you always had a warm smile at the ready when you saw him. He watched the way you mentored Ellie, teaching her about all the good that can come from just dirt and sunshine.

It wasn't just friendship and respect, though. He knew that on the nights when the weather was warm and you'd wear a dress to dinner. Nights when he'd sneak glimpses at your bare skin, committing each precious inch to memory. Once, he had to excuse himself from the table when you pressed a glass of lemonade to your exposed sternum. The thought of licking up drops of condensation that fell down your neckline fueled his midnight fantasies for a week.

And now here you were, standing in his brother's kitchen talking about how you wanted to be touched. How you never had been before, not really, not the right way.

He could show you, how it should go when two people lay down together. Despite having gone long periods without, Joel had never lost his skill when it came to sex. It was instinctual for him, natural in a way that couldn't be unlearned.

Maybe he could do that for you. Make you feel good the way it's supposed to be, the way you deserved.

---

Tommy and Maria took Ellie to the movies after dinner, leaving you and Joel alone. He invited you onto the back porch, the area illuminated by string lights. It was a cool summer night, the gentle breeze ruffling the hem of your skirt. The two of you sat in silence on the wooden porch swing. He drank a beer while you sipped on a sweet tea with some kick.

Guilt and something else had been eating away at Joel all night. When your eyes caught his, he broke the silence.

"I need to admit somethin' to you. I overheard you earlier, when you were talking to Maria about your, uh...experiences."

Your heart stopped. This couldn't be happening. A knife to the gut would have been preferable to him knowing your most private desires.

"Oh god-"

You stood to leave but he caught your wrist, forcing you to turn to him. Even seated, Joel's build left you feeling small in front of him.

"Wait, please. I'm only bringing it up 'cause I didn't want you thinking it was bad you were feelin' that way. S'not wrong to want that, to want somebody."

Your knees felt wobbly, a combination of his words in the air and rough fingertips grazing along your forearm.

"I know the feeling too. Our pasts might be different, but the longin' is natural. Human. Don't be ashamed, darlin'."

Your eyes never left him as he spoke, his dark gaze holding you in place. You stopped breathing as the hand that wasn't holding your wrist came up to your face, cupping your cheek. His calloused thumb stroked your cheek, find a resting place on your bottom lip. Your eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. He pressed down lightly on your lip, wetting just the tip of his thumb against your tongue.

His other hand let go of your arm to hold the side of your neck, squeezing for only a moment, but still enough to make your whole body shudder in his grasp and hold onto his shoulders for balance.

"God, you are just aching for it," he remarked, in awe of you.

His touch moved lower, grazing over the curves of your body before grasping your thighs. Slowly sliding the material of your skirt up, he whispered, "Tell me to stop, darlin'."

Never.

"No, please no! Don't stop, please, plea-"

"Shh, shh, easy there. You don't have to beg, sweet girl," he cooed, his hands reaching the fabric of your panties and grasping your hips. "Gon' give you what you need, everythin' you been missing. Lemme show you, darlin'."

Yes.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller drabble #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fic #the last of drabble #tlou fic #tlou drabble

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star-xxx1 · 1 year

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My world, Maria -

Maria hill x reader

Alternative ending to their words and touch hell like hell.

@wifeofnatasharomanoff prompted this idea so thank you! As said I made it extra fluffy, I hope this is good enough :)

Warnings: fluff, fluff, and more fluff, baking?

Summary: cookie time!

Sleeping next to her, your body curled into hers, your head pressed against her chest. Even though your asleep, your still breathing peacefully. She can tell there's a contentness on your face. It's hard to explain, she can almost feel it just looking at you. It's a beautiful picture. It looks like you could sleep for a long time, and you certainly seem happy here - in her arms. For a moment, she swears she see your lips smile slightly.

You opens your sweet eyes, and look up at her. She smiles softly.

"Good morning, mia" you muttered.

Your eyes seem a little hazy as you open them. rubbing them gently, yawning a little at the same time. Then, after that, your eyes seem to get clearer, brighter, and more focused, and the tiredness seems to fade from your face. You seems a little more awake now, sitting up.

Maria tucked your free hair behind your ears, kissing you.

"Hi my love" she whispered lovingly.

That nickname 'Love'.

She can finally call you that without any consequences. After years of hiding her feelings. She was was infatuated with you but was respectful of your then current relationship. After Wanda and Natasha hurt you and you founded out Carol's true dark demeanor you left. Resigning and packing with out a word, seeking out Maria for help.

Every kiss on that mission, left her a flustered mess, trying her best to conceal her rosy cheeks. Catching feelings for the goddess of a women, during one on your platonic cuddle sessions. She confessed when she thought you were sleeping, saying a heart felt message. Upon waking up you told her that you heard and gave her a passionate kiss, telling her you had catched feelings too, becoming official and soon moving in together. Maria then resigned too, finding a other local, good paying job to support you and her.

"Cookie time!" You screeched. Last night you really wanted to make cookies together but it was too late. Mia promised that you both could make them tomorrow, with a sad nod you cuddled in the women and drifted off to sleep.

"But we should probably brush our teeth first" you realized. She nodded.

"Sounds good, dear."

She stretches a little, still sitting next to you. She seems sleepy, but happy to be up now. She smiles as she turns to you, and says...

"Alright, let's go."

She stands up from the bed, and waits for you to join her. Holding her hand you proceeded to the bathroom.

Whilst brushing your teeth Maria pulled you in by the waist, keeping you close to her. Resting your head against her shoulder, you both glazed loving at each other through the the mirror. Spitting out the minty foam In sync, you both washed your face.

Reaching the kitchen mia and you were ready to make those cookies. When she thinks about it, she realizes she's never baked before. She giggles a bit.

"I'm new to this!" She laughs, following you around the kitchen, watching you pull out all the enquipment and ingredients.

"So I really appreciate your patience with me." She piped.

"No problem Mia you know how much I love you!"

"I love you too y/n/n" she gleamed

Instructing Maria and working at the same time did make quite a mess but that okay, you both would clean that up later. 30 minutes later the cookies had been out in the oven a timer had been set.

"Do you want a piggie back my love? "she questioned.

"Hell yea!" you jumped onto her back letting out happy screams. She ran into the the living room throwing you on the couch, smothering you with her body. Wrapping your legs around her torso, you raked your fingertips through her hair, kissing her forehead.

"I love your boobs" she broke the comfortable silence, with the very know compliment.

"As you say Mia, over and over again"

"I can't help it!" She protested.

"If you say so my love, tv?" You asked.

"Mhm, put on ever you want" she chimmed passing you the remote.

One episode down of your favorite show and the timer ringed throughout the house.

"I'll go get them hunny" Mia got up and disappeared into kitchen, re-emerging with a plate of delicious cookies. "I think they turn out pretty good don't you think?" Placing down the cookies on the glass coffe table Infornt of you.

Peering over to the plate you said...

"Yeah they look really good" agreeing with your girlfriend proudly.

Resettling into your pervious positions, you both tried the cookies letting out a hum of joy. They were so good and your were very proud of Maria for trying her best.

Pressing 'next episode' you continued the show with a big smile on your face. As you eat, she seemed very happy. Her face has a slight sparkle in her eyes, and she seems excited

This is nice.

She continues to snuggle up against you, eating the cookies.

She pauses, and you can tell she wants to say something. And even though her mouth is full, her voice still has a certain kindness to it.

"You know, you do make me very happy... you know that, don't you? And I love you so much"

You heart fluttered.

"I love you too Mia, so much" you rejoiced while kissing her cheek.

That same rosy blush appearing, the same one she doesn't have to hide anymore, and she was truly delighted she didn't have to.

#maria hill #maria hill x reader #maria hill x y/n #maria hill fluff

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irenethewoman · 8 months

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Mrs. Shelby- Chapter four- First Kiss

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In January 1919, Martha passed away. Even though I had expected it and had witnessed my parents being buried, I still couldn't accept it calmly. Little Maria clung to me, silently crying. I comforted her as I listened to the black priest's eulogy and looked at Martha's life summed up on her grave. I was in a daze at the funeral.

Afterward, little Maria and I walked together on the cemetery path. She greeted Uncle Tommy, who had arrived, but I couldn't make out their conversation. Ada took Maria away, and Tommy and I decided to take a walk.

Ever since I shared my life story with him that night, Thomas had been awkward around me. He thought I couldn't accept the gap in our status, but he was wrong. Chelsea's greenhouse flowers can't survive in Birmingham's mud, but I didn't feel like arguing with him now.

We walked in silence through the cold January wind in the cemetery. "Maria really likes you," Tommy said. "She's a lot like Martha, always seeing the best in this sad world." Talking about Martha made my heart ache. From a lively person to a cold grave, maybe Maria, Ada, and I would meet the same fate.

"What are you afraid of?" Tommy asked.

"What?" I didn't believe his blue eyes could read my thoughts.

"Our mother is buried here too." He pointed to a nearby tombstone with unclear engravings. It was all Shelbys around. I didn't ask about his father.

"Is your mother the same?" I asked.

"What?" He looked puzzled, a rare expression on him that made me proud.

"I was thinking, the women here all seem similar. They marry honest factory workers or knife-edge gangsters, have children, and care for the family until they die. A few lines on the tombstone summarize decades of life, only mentioning their father's surname, husband's surname, and children, but not themselves."

"I'm afraid I'll share the same fate," I admitted, placing a white lily on Mrs. Shelby's grave.

"Are you scared?" Tommy found this interesting.

"Of course. Do you think my privileged background means I'm not afraid of running away alone? Or is it cowardly to admit fear? I think it's brave to admit fear and still do it. I was afraid when I left home, when I lived penniless on the street, when I faced Polly, and when I shot 99 people. I said proudly. I don't know if my tombstone will someday read 'The brave and fearless Miss Diana Turner'—sounds more exciting than 'Mrs. So-and-so.'"

"Do you know how to use a gun?" I showed him the pistol Polly gave me and removed the bullets. "Don't underestimate women, Mr. Shelby."

"Thomas, or Tommy."

"What?"

"You can call me Tommy." His blue eyes, usually gloomy, now held a gentleness that I wished was meant for me.

After the funeral, my relationship with Thomas changed. We played chess and discussed business. I became concerned about him, especially when he woke me up to warm milk for the children.

One night, Thomas woke me up again. "For God's sake!" I sat up, frustrated. "Is there something you have to say at night?"

"That's not a motorcycle. This afternoon, my men stole motorcycles from the factory. I was there."

"That's a gun! Diana, it's munitions!"

I was stunned, listening to him list his trophies. "So many arms... Where are you hiding them?"

"Charlie's yard, where you were today."

I realized that with so many arms lost, London would investigate. But these arms could be a bargaining chip. We looked into each other's eyes and then kissed.

#tommy shelby #peaky blinders #thomas shelby #cillian murphy #fanfiction #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders fanfiction #tommy shelby smut

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laureliciousdefinition · 1 year

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Merry Christmas, Javi

Summary: Christmas with the Peña family.

Rating: General, my blog is still 18+ though!

Tags/warnings: mentions of food, mentions of dead relative, Christmas, tooth aching fluff, Chucho Peña is the real star of this

a/n: this has been in my head since before thanksgiving and I have been dying for it to be the appropriate time to post it. It's fluffy and tender and I'm really proud of it, so I hope you all enjoy! shoutout to my beloved Kat for always listening to me ramble in the dms, now across multiple platforms<3

Trotting down the wooden staircase, you made your way back into the Peña living room, now dressed much more comfortably than you had been for the last few hours at Christmas Eve dinner. Your outfit was a rookie mistake, really- you should’ve known Javier’s aunties would make a feast big enough to feed the neighborhood. Your black corduroy skirt really never stood a chance. You slipped into something considerably more breathable, and apparently beat both men back downstairs, as evidenced by the silence of the room save for a quiet tick of a clock. Thought they’d teased you in the car, you knew they were both getting into their lounge clothes as well, just as stuffed as you.

Leaning against the counter that separated the kitchen and living areas, you sipped a water bottle and took in the surroundings. The house hadn’t changed since you’d last seen it a month ago, not that you’d expected it to. To be a single man of his age living alone, Chucho took remarkably good care of the place, even managing to get up Christmas decor before your visit for Thanksgiving. Javi had chided his father for being so risky and climbing on ladders to get some garland up, which he had waved off. You always had to laugh at the two of them bickering- neither one seemed to realize just how alike they were.

Every time you visited, you liked to take in the photos lining the wall under the stairs. It was your own personal walk down the family’s memory lane, one you didn’t get many verbal trips on from your private partner. There was a photo of Javi as a baby, sitting against a plain backdrop and holding a stuffed bunny while he grinned happily. It was the kind of photo that made you want to travel in time just to pinch his little cheeks- adult Javi probably wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

Next to that hung a photo of Javier with his parents at his high school graduation, that same grin from the baby photo on his face, and to the left of that was a photo of his mother squeezing him tightly as they posed on a beach, both caught mid-laugh. It was your personal favorite- he couldn’t have been older than ten or so, and he just looked so innocent. Blissfully unaware of all the hardships life would throw at him in the coming years.

You were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of two different footsteps on the stairs, one a bit slower than the other. Javi emerged first, donning a pair of plaid pajama pants and a faded t-shirt that had probably been in his bedroom since he was in college. He looked remarkably good like this, enough to make you remind yourself to behave.

“Better?” You asked, gesturing towards his loose pants.

“Much.” He nodded seriously.

The aforementioned feast was one of a larger proportion than you’d ever had at Christmas; two hams and a turkey sat proudly in the center of the table, though they didn’t take away from the lovely centerpiece his aunt Maria had made. To the sides of the meats were an arrangement of side dishes, all of which you sampled at least once. The older women had fussed over how skinny Javi looked, making sure he got at least two full plates and lightly scolding you for not feeding him enough. Javi had gently squeezed your knee under the table in a sort of apology, though you knew better than to take the comment seriously. They were just looking out for the original baby of the family- something you would happily tease him about later.

When you’d visited for Thanksgiving, it had just been you, Javi, and Chucho. But for Christmas, it had been his entire family; mostly women, all of whom you tried not to let yourself be scared of- though they welcomed you with open arms.

Getting to see Javi play with the younger members of the family had warmed your heart, and not just because they were slightly less judgmental than the adults. They’d immediately roped the two of you into their game as you arrived, tugging you by the hand into the playroom and declaring that you would be the customers in their restaurant. You’d both squeezed into tiny plastic chairs at a tiny plastic table, pretending to scarf down the food they were serving. You tried your best to hold back your laughter at the image; big, tough, former DEA agent Javier Peña, with his legs folded up to his chest at a pretend restaurant, surrounded by a gaggle of little girls who were bossing him around. Definitely something you wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

“Excuse me miss, my steak is undercooked.” Javi had deadpanned at one point, to which one of his nieces had responded angrily, saying her food would never be wrong. You raised your eyebrows at him, as if to back the six year old up. He raised his hands in surrender, taking another pretend bite and claiming that it actually tasted fine.

“Can’t believe you’d be so disrespectful.” You shook your head, taking a bite of your wooden pizza.

Thankfully before Javi could offend any more baby chefs, you’d all been called back into the kitchen to serve up your plates, and thus stuff yourself full of some of the best cooking you’d had in years.

“Okay, hot chocolate time.” Chucho announced, clapping his hands together.

You smiled at him excitedly, knowing he made particularly good hot chocolate. It was apparently a long standing Christmas Eve tradition in the Peña household, going all the way back to when it was just Javi’s parents. As the older man set up a pot on the stove, you leaned back against the tile counter, watching Javi fetch three mugs from the cupboard by the fridge.

When the weather had first started getting cold, you had excitedly told Javi that it meant you could start making hot chocolate, to which he laughed and pressed a kiss to your head in exasperation. Though he had gently teased you, he showed up to your apartment after he got off work the next day with a grocery bag containing hot cocoa mix, whipped cream, and a bag of miniature marshmallows because he wasn’t sure which topping you’d want. The simple act had warmed your heart so thoroughly- you’d tugged him into the apartment and showed him your gratitude with your lips on his.

You tugged him into the kitchen, instructing him to sit at the counter while you made him a cup. Though when you opened your fridge, you let out an upset groan.

“What’s wrong?” He inquired.

“I’m out of milk,” You whined, tossing your head back dramatically.

Javi stood from the barstool, coming to mirror you at the fridge. He leaned on one arm and tilted his head a bit, giving you a look that told you he was doing his best not to laugh at the situation. “You can just make it with water, y’know.”

You looked at him with a playfully offended expression. “Javier Peña, we do not make hot chocolate with water in this house. It doesn’t taste right at all.”

He chuckled lightly. “Does it really make that much of a difference?”

You intensified your expression, adding in a gasp for good measure. “Yes it absolutely does!”

“You’re cute, you know that?” He said with a lopsided smirk, stepping closer to you.

Though his face was close enough for you to reach up and kiss, you were too appalled by his revelation. “Don’t try to change the subject, Peña. This changes the very nature of our relationship!”

“Cute and dramatic,” he muttered, closing the fridge moving back across the room.

“Now you’re running away from me?” You asked sassily, raising your brows at him.

“I’m going to get you some milk.”

Javi always was good at making you forget why you were upset, even in situations like this one. He returned shortly with a gallon of milk, going on and on about how it’s too much of a fuss, water is easier, and so on. But when you made that first cup for him, you could see it in his eyes. You knew you’d won, even if he didn’t realize it. A small part of you suspected that his avoidance of the milk stemmed from it making his stomach hurt, but it was one of those issues that he would never admit to; he needed glasses, he couldn’t handle dairy, etc. You loved him regardless, of course, and would continue pretending the issues didn’t exist.

Once the three of you had filled your mugs and fixed them up to your liking, you migrated to the large couch that lined the wall of the living room. As you sat, you leaned down and plugged in the Christmas tree, smiling to yourself as the warm lights illuminated and cozied the room. The windows had a thin layer of frost on them, and you’d heard the weatherman predict potential snowfall for the morning. Your heart got that giddy, pre-christmas feeling, the kind you hadn’t felt since you were a kid.

“Are ya cold, sweetie? Let me get some logs on the fire,” Javier’s father spoke, noticing you looking out the window.

As he moved towards the hearth, Javi stuck his hand out. “No, Pops, let me. You get comfortable,” He said, setting his mug on the coffee table with a clink.

As the younger of the two men got a fire going, you couldn’t help but admire him. Not only did he look good physically- the pajama pants were doing everything for his rear- but watching his subtle acts of service, which you’d quickly learned was his love language early into your relationship, only served to remind you how in love with him you were. He was always ready to step in and help so he could make things easier for those he cared about. He always helped you do the dishes after dinner, though he worked faster than you so you had less to do. He did tasks around his father’s home that he knew would be a struggle for Chucho, like tightening the lower hinges on his back door so he wouldn’t have to get all the way down to do it. It was his own special way of showing his love and appreciation.

“Tree looks good this year,” Chucho commented, sipping his mug. He’d endearingly piled the whipped cream high, offering to do the same for you since he knew you liked it that way. Javi, of course, preferred marshmallows.

“You decorated it,” Javier laughed, sipping his own drink.

“Yes, and I did a good job,” His father replied cheekily.

You let out a laugh before responding. “Always so humble, Mr. Peña.”

He shrugged, raising his eyebrows and closing his eyes. You only shook your head in response.

The tree really did look good. You’d expected it to be rather sparse, not expecting a seventy year old man to go all out for a Christmas tree, but it seemed he’d taken his time placing each ornament with care. As you pondered the subject, you realized this was probably another lasting effect of Javier’s mother; he’d once shared that his mom was always in charge of the tree, recruiting the two men to place her ornaments exactly where she wanted them. The story had been shared after you insisted Javi get a small tree for his apartment, telling him the place as severely lacking in Christmas cheer.

“I don’t really have many ornaments,” He’d explained, bringing out a singular box of mini-baubles from the depths of his closet while you sat on the floor and assembled the fake tree.

“I can bring you some of mine,” You suggested without looking up, struggling to jam one of the tree stems into the proper place.

He sat next to you, taking the piece from your hands as he spoke. “I don’t wanna steal your ornaments.” He clicked the piece in with ease.

“Thank you,” You huffed out, wiping sweat from your forehead. “Anyways- I really don’t mind. I can’t have you in here with a bare tree,” you looked at him with a frown.

“The fact that I have one at all is an accomplishment,” He shrugged. “Think this is the first one I’ve had since the eighties.”

You nodded, falling into a comfortable silence. You supposed it made sense; only a few years ago he was in Colombia, and you doubted there was much time- or want- for Christmas. He’d once mentioned that for the two years they were in the country together, Steve and Connie would have him over during the holidays, and they’d always had one, but he thought it was too much hassle. Even before Colombia he was always bouncing around from state to state, and before that he was in college. A small part of you felt honored to be sharing this with him.

After about twenty minutes, and way more struggle than was necessary for a fake tree, you stepped back and took in your progress.

“It looks good,” you mused, plugging in the simple strand of colored lights.

“I appreciate your help,” He pulled you into his side, pausing a moment before he finally spoke. “First Christmas after my mom, Pops and I tried to decorate and it looked even sadder than this one.” He said with a half-hearted chuckle.

You considered your words carefully before replying. You knew this was a sensitive subject for him, and one he didn’t open up on much. You settled for a simple response, speaking softly. “Did she always do the tree? I know my mom was always the one doing that when I was a kid.”

You kept your eyes trained on him as you awaited his response. “Oh yeah. That was always her thing. She’d have Pops up on a ladder twisting the star around until it was just how she liked it.”

The two of you shared a soft chuckle. Though you never met his mother, you’d crafted an image of her in your head based off the pictures and few stories you’d been told. From what you gathered, she was independent, outspoken, and not afraid of telling you how she felt. It was interesting seeing these characteristics woven into her son, even after all this time.

Javi drew you from your thoughts when he continued speaking, something you absolutely didn’t expect. “She always had these little bird ornaments, they would clip to the branches, and I remember one year my dad knocked one off and it shattered. I expected her to be mad, but she just laughed it off and called him a klutz. That stuck in my mind, for some reason.”

You wrapped your arm tighter around Javier’s back, pulling yourself further into him. He reciprocated the gesture, turning so he could hold you against his chest. You wanted to thank him for sharing, tell him you were proud of him, but you remained silent. By the way he nestled his face into your hair, you knew he understood.

The gentle crackle of the fire set a nice background noise for the scene. Living in the city you always forgot how peaceful it was out in Laredo, the Peña house being tucked away in the outskirts. The three of you were about as cozy as could be; Chucho sat in his recliner, feet propped up and tucked into his thick socks. You nestled yourself into the corner of the sofa, outstretching your legs onto Javi’s lap, which was covered by a blanket that had been previously draped across the back of the couch. After a lapse of comfortable silence, you decided to fill the air.

“So, what is everyone hoping Santa brings this year?” You joked, looking towards the stack of presents under the tree.

“A partner with less cold feet,” Javi retorted, squeezing your ankle.

“Why do you think they’re under the blanket?”

He rolled his eyes and gave you a small smile, plus a playful pinch. “What about you, Pops?”

He made a face like he was thinking, tapping his chin. “A sports car.”

You laughed, throwing your hands in the air. “I’m not sure that’ll fit down the chimney, but I guess he could make it work.”

“Santa physics are different,” Javi posed seriously.

The three of you continued your quiet conversation for the next hour and a half or so, and before you realized it, only you and Chucho were speaking.

After letting out a yawn, He clicked the recliner down, collecting your now empty mugs as he slowly shuffled to the kitchen. He stopped though, taking a moment to look at his son.

“Look at that,” He whispered with a small smile.

Javier was positively knocked out, arms folded and head lolled to the side. His brows were furrowed together even in sleep- something that always made you giggle. Regardless of that, he looked adorable, tugging on your heartstrings even though he wasn’t doing anything.

“Want me to wake him?” He asked, stopping by the couch again on his way to the staircase.

You shook your head. “No, I’ll just let him sleep for a bit.” You spoke softly. “Besides, he’s much nicer when he’s asleep,” you joked.

“Agreed.” He answered with a single nod. “Goodnight, mija. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” you reflected, cheeks warming at the use of the affectionate name.

You sat and watched Javi for a few minutes more, longing to cup his jaw gently or stroke his hair. Though his face was made of sharp angles, he looked so soft when he slept, only further exaggerated by the firelight flickering and glowing against his skin. You stayed this way for as long as you could, until your legs started to cramp from not moving for so long, so you moved them away from his lap as gently as you could. Just as you were about to be in the clear, he sucked in a sharp breath, sitting up a bit.

“Sorry,” you whispered with a wince.

He rubbed his eye, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. How long was I out?”

“Not too long,” You assured him. “You didn’t miss much, he was just dishing to me on the people in town. Didn’t know your pops was such a gossip,”

Javi gave a laugh, the kind that bounced his whole chest. “Get him going and he’ll tell you everything he knows.”

You glanced over to the oven clock, which read 11:48. “It’s almost Christmas,” you shared, unable to contain your grin.

Javier scooted closer to you on the couch, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and kissing your temple. You happily snuggled into him, watching the fire dance. You didn’t realize you were able to be this happy.

“I’m glad we came here,” he though aloud. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Turning your head, you met his eyes and saw they were looking at you with nothing but love and adoration. He had the gentlest of smiles tugging at his lips, enticing you to stretch yours out and place a tender kiss to them. He returned it softly, his mustache ticking you like always. After a moment in this bubble, you suddenly remembered a task you’d set out to do before you even left for Laredo. You stood from the couch, the blanket falling from your lap. Javi watched as you walked over to the tree, reaching around the back to pull out a small box.

“When did you put that there?” He asked, puzzled.

“What can I say, I’m a master of stealth.”

“Yeah, okay.”

You laughed, plopping back down next to him with an outstretched arm. “Just an early gift. Santa brings the rest tomorrow.” You spoke as if it were obvious.

“Of course,” he replied in the same tone, undoing the bow that wrapped around the gift.

As you watched him open it, you couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. He was a hard one to shop for, and you hoped he understood the gift, not to mention your intentions behind it. You hoped he liked it, or at least wasn’t offended by it-

“Baby,” he breathed out.

“Do you like it?” You asked insecurely, wringing your hands together.

He looked up at you, and the only way to describe the face he made was emotional. His eyes were watery, his lips drawn together in an attempt to keep himself together. Setting the box to the side of his lap, he pulled you in quickly, sealing his lips to yours as if that were the only possible response for him.

“You… I don’t even know what to say.” He mumbled, admiring the gift once more.

Sitting in the middle of the box, atop a pile of red tissue paper, was a bird ornament, the type that could clip to tree branches. It was hollow metal, colored gold with purple paint stripes for wings, as well as a few purple feathers sticking out the back.

“I just thought it would be nice for your tree, and I don’t know if it’s anything like the ones you used to have, but maybe it could be your own-“

He interrupted your rambling with another soft kiss. “It’s perfect. Thank you. Really.”

Your chest swelled with both pride and relief. You’d been stressed about the gift since you purchased it a week ago, going back and forth for a few days on whether or not to even buy it.

“Where did you even find this?” He asked, turning it over gently.

“I saw it in the window of a bookshop, oddly enough. Felt like a sign.”

He nodded, fascinated with the small object. You could only imagine what was going through his mind in that moment.

“Thank you.” He repeated.

“Of course.” You leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Merry Christmas,” He spoke after a moment.

“Merry Christmas, Javi.”

divider: @delishlydelightfuldividers

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taglist: @iamskyereads @guess-my-next-obsession @wheresarizona @kirsteng42 @wildemaven @axshadows

let me know if you'd like to be tagged in any future works!! <3

#javier pena x reader #javier pena imagine #javier pena x you #javier peña fluff #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #narcos fanfiction #narcos x reader

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lionlena · 10 months

Text

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 7

Part 7

"Are you serious?!"

Joel stared at you with surprised eyes. You bit your lip and nodded, and he smiled, though he still looked unsure.

"But why? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to, but you made it very clear a few weeks ago."

You sighed heavily and looked around the meadow you were standing on. You asked Joel to speak privately with you, to let him know that you've made the decision to tell Teddy who his dad is. It's been a week since your accident and the whole time you thought about how upset your son was.

"I know what I said," you finally spoke. "But it's been a while and... I see you've changed and how Teddy has become very attached to you and... He needs to know that he has someone else besides me."

Joel looked at you carefully and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The accident at the stables made me realize that Teddy needs to know that if he loses me he will have another parent."

You saw Joel immediately tense up. He seemed nervous. "Don't say that. You'll be fine. I won't let something happen to you."

You smiled slightly. It was nice that he wanted to protect you from everything and at the same time naive that he believed it. You calmly replied, "You can't know that. You don't control the whole world. I might just get sick, choke... Or get struck by lightning and..." You swallowed. "Same goes for you. Something could happen to you too, and Teddy deserves to get to know his dad while he's still alive." You saw that your last words went to him, but you decided to convince him even more. "Besides, let's face it. Half the town already knows something. You want Teddy to find out from someone like Barbara?"

Joel winced and hissed, "No."

"Right, then let's do it. First, we'll go to the town hall, to have you sign the Birth Register." Seeing his surprised expression, you added: "Yes, we have something like that here. We don't live in the Middle Ages."

"Okay, but you want it to be like this... You know, official?"

You looked at him slightly annoyed. "Do you want to be his father or not?"

"Of course I do. I'm his dad, I always will be... I mean you can't take it back and I don't want to force you to do anything."

"I already told you. If something happens to me, I want you to take care of him without any problems."

He winced and looked at you with those sad puppy eyes. "Please stop repeating that."

"I'm not saying anything will happen to me. It's just a precaution. Come on."

You were sure of your decision, but not everyone agreed with you. Maria looked at you like you were crazy.

"Are you sure?"

"For the second time, yes I am."

Maria rolled her eyes and glanced at Joel, who was trying to stand aside. You sensed his anger, but you knew that because of the woman's pregnancy, he was trying not to upset her.

"You know what kind of man he is. Your decision will change your son's life. Possibly for the worse."

"What are you saying?!" You felt your blood boil. You always respected and liked Marie, but it wasn't just about Joel, it was about your son. "Are you suggesting I'm a bad mother?!"

Joel gently grabbed your hand. You looked at him and saw that he was confused.

"Let's leave it at that. Maybe she's right."

Oh no, you weren't going to let it go. He didn't want to argue with his brother's wife, so he couldn't defend himself, but you weren't so reluctant.

"No, she's not right. She doesn't see what kind of dad you are." You looked at Maria. "I remind you that Joel and your husband are brothers and they share the same blood. Tommy traveled with Joel and probably did the same things as him." You looked at the man. "Yes?" Joel nodded slightly and you smiled in satisfaction and added, "I know what's best for my son. Just like you will know what's best for your child."

Maria looked at you with an unreadable expression on her face. You didn't know if she was angry, but she finally brought the Birth Book and handed it to Joel. You noticed how his eyes lit up when he saw your son's name. But before writing his name in the 'father' box, he looked at you. He don't signed that until you nodded your head.

"Alright," you said happily. "Now it's time for Teddy."

Before entering your house, Joel began to have doubts again.

"Wait," he murmured.

You looked at him and want to laugh. Who would have thought that rough, tough Joel Miller could be so insecure at times?

"What happened?"

"What if he starts asking questions?"

You rolled your eyes. "What questions? Joel, he's a baby. He won't ask us how we conceived him."

"I know," he murmured. "But he may ask why I wasn't all this time?"

You shrugged. "Simple. I left Boston and I lost you and you didn't know where I was."

"Okay, what if..."

"Joel!" You cut him off and grabbed his shoulders. It was funny how more and more often you unknowingly crossed that line and gave him a touch. "If he asks a really hard question, leave the answers to me. Okay?"

He nodded and you finally entered the house. As soon as Teddy saw you, he ran towards you two.

"Mommy, Joel!"

You took him in your arms and kissed him on the cheek. "Hi, honey."

The baby boy giggled and hugged you, but after a moment he extended his hands towards Joel.

"Hey, 'bear cub'." Joel took him from you.

Ellie, who was watching you with a smile, said: "Now that you're here, I'm leaving. I promised to help Dina with the sheep."

"Dina, huh?" Joel spoke up and winked at the girl, who blushed slightly.

You tapped him lightly on the shoulder and made him understand not to tease the teenage girl.

"Come back for dinner," you said.

You didn't even think about the fact that you've been having meals together as a family.

Ellie nodded and ran out of the house, and you looked at your son.

"Teddy, we need to talk."

The boy tilted his head slightly and asked, "Have I been naughty?"

Joel spoke first. "No. You haven't done anything wrong 'bear cub'. Mom and I just want to tell you something."

"Something cool," you added.

This immediately brought a smile to his little face and made him squirm uneasily in Joel's arms.

You sat next to your little one on the couch, and Joel knelt across from the boy. The little one was getting impatient, so you decided to get it over with quickly, like ripping off a band-aid.

"Honey, we have something important to tell you. So, Joel is your dad."

The little one jumped up a little and looked at you with his big brown eyes.

"The real one?" You nodded your head and he turned his attention to Dad. "Really?"

"Yes, son," Joel croaked.

You saw how hard it was for him to say the words because his throat was choked with emotion. Meanwhile, your son was happily swinging his legs and smiling broadly. Sometimes you saw how enviously he looked at the boys whose fathers took them on horseback trips. There was nothing You could do about it then.

"And can I call you 'daddy'?"

Joel's eyes glazed over slightly. He bit his lip and nodded.

"Even when we are around other people?"

"Yes, son..." he choked out, and the little one pounced on him with a squeal of joy.

Joel hugged him tight and you noticed a single tear rolling down his cheek. You put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly to reassure him. Meanwhile, your son stepped back and frowned. And you knew questions were coming.

"Why didn't I know before?

You pulled the little one back on the couch and said, "Because I wanted you to meet Joel and like him first."

"Oh... I already like him," he said happily, then found another question. "Why weren't you with us before?"

To your surprise, Joel decided to answer himself. "Because I let your mom go on a trip with Aunt Claudia and I lost her... And I couldn't find her for a long time."

"But now that you've found us, why don't we all live together? Like Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear and Two Baby Bears in my book?" he asked sadly.

You stroked your son's brown curls. Joel decided to answer again. For someone who wanted so much to avoid childish questions, he was doing very well.

"Not all mums and dads live together," he said calmly and grabbed the boy's hands. "It's only in fairy tales that it's so easy. Sometimes adults have different problems, but hey, don't be sad. After all, we live so close to each other and see each other so often, and now we will even meet even more often."

Teddy seemed comforted. "Shall we ride on a trip to the dam together?"

Joel smiled. "Sure, but only if mom agrees."

You knew in advance that you were in a loss position when two pairs, of puppy eyes, looked at you.

"Mommy can I?"

You smiled and nodded your head. Teddy stood on the couch and started jumping happily. You and Joel smiled at each other.

In the days that followed, Teddy's behavior only reassured you that you had made the right decision. The boy was so happy and nonstop told that Joel was his dad. And he started calling Ellie his sister. Even if you and Joel explained to him that Ellie wasn't related to him. The teenage girl herself didn't mind either, so you finally let it go. So you thought you had everything under control and the deal between you and Joel was clear. But life likes to get complicated.

It was a warm summer day when the city began to be in turmoil. Everyone started walking towards the gate and you heard people shouting "The Wolves are back!"

Joel and Ellie found you and Teddy in the crowd. They stood next to you and looked at you questioningly.

"Wolves are a group of residents who have decided to roam the wasteland. Sometimes they visit other settlements. They collect information and hard-to-find products. Sometimes they return to Jackson. Once every six months, sometimes more often. They stay a week or two and go again. They can't stay in one place," you explained calmly, though you were really nervous.

The reason for your nervousness approached you with a wide smile and open arms. He ignored other people and looked at you with his blue eyes. His blond hair was slightly messy and he had a slight blush on his cheeks.

"Y/N!"

You couldn't resist his charm and ran over to him. You snuggled into his wide chest and he kissed your head.

"Steve," you murmured. "I'm glad you're okay.”

"I'm happy to see my favorite girl!"

Joel and Ellie stared at you in shock. It was impossible not to notice that you had some relationship with this man. Joel tried to control his emotions, but he felt something tighten in his chest. This unknown man was at least 15 years younger than him, taller, and more muscular than he was.

You pulled away slightly from Steve and looked at your son in surprise. The little boy looked unsure. Just like Ellie and Joel. You decided to somehow reduce this distance.

"Steve, meet the new residents, Joel and Ellie."

"Hi," he said with a smile, but the other two only murmured what was supposed to be a hello. You wanted to roll your eyes. You smiled at your son hoping that he would be sweet as always.

"Teddy, won't you say hi to Uncle Steve?"

The blond knelt down and smiled at the child. "Hey, tiger. I have a new book for you."

Your son winced and muttered, "Now I'm a 'bear cub'."

You sighed heavily and squeezed Steve's arm. "You must be hungry. Why don't we go to the dining room?"

Steve stood up and nodded eagerly. "Sure!"

You held out your hand to the baby. "Come on, sweetie."

Teddy, however, ran to Joel and grabbed his hand with both hands. "I want to stay with daddy!"

"Oh..."

You didn't know what to say. On top of that, you felt Steve's watchful gaze on you, and you murmured, "I'll explain later."

Joel, meanwhile, picked up his son and replied. "No problem, I'll take care of him."

"Ok, see you later."

You started to walk away with Steve, and he tentatively put his arm around your waist and asked, "Is that okay?"

"Yes," you replied quickly. "Joel is Teddy's father, but we aren't together."

Steve nodded. "If you think so, but if anything changes, you know what the deal we have."

You nodded your head and smiled.

You and Steve weren't a couple, and certainly not in the traditional way. You were more like friends and lovers. You befriended him 3 years ago. You knew right away that you weren't "the only one". Steve had a few girlfriends in other towns. He was handsome, gallant, kind, and caring, but he refused to settle down. You didn't mind. At least once in a while you felt loved. Steve always took you on romantic dates and treated you like a princess. He also liked your son, but he never tried to be a "dad." Your arrangement really suited you, and yet you couldn't get the sulky look on your son's face out of your head. You haven't done anything wrong. Did you?

Joel sensed that his son was nervous. He was afraid it might be his fault. Maybe his mood affected the child?

"Teddy, what happened?"

"Why does mommy like Uncle Steve? She should like you," the boy replied and pouting.

"Because that Steve is quite handsome," Ellie muttered, and Joel gave her a reproachful look. The girl just shrugged and backed away slightly.

Joel adjusted his grip, holding the baby closer to him.

"Mom has the right to like who she wants, and you can't be mad at her."

The little one groaned unhappily. "But you are my daddy, not him."

Joel sighed and stroked the little boy's back, trying to comfort him. "Sometimes it's not that simple. Remember how I explained to you that not all moms live with dads?" The little one nodded and Joel continued: "Sometimes moms find someone else and that's okay. It doesn't change the fact that I'm your dad. Mom has reasons to like Steve more than me. And you know… If you start liking, something that Mom doesn't like, she would still love you. Don't be mad at her, okay? Can you promise me that?"

The little boy nodded and rested his head on his shoulder. Joel sighed heavily. He actually felt the same as his son, but he couldn't use him against you. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to do anything.

You were close to home when Joel left and closed the door carefully behind him. His mouth was pressed into a tight line, and you could see a flash of anger in his eyes. Before you could ask anything, he said, "Teddy is busy playing."

"Okay... Then what are you doing outside?"

"I wanted to talk without him being there." You raised your eyebrows. "Who is this Steve? What do you have in common? Is it serious? How long have you been together?"

Every question that came out of his mouth made you even more surprised and angry. You couldn't believe your ears. Plus, you saw that Joel held a grudge against you. You crossed your arms over your chest and growled, "Excuse me! You are the last person who has the right to ask me that!"

Joel took a step back, his stance becoming more submissive. "I... I'm just worried about Teddy and you. He can be dangerous like..."

"Steve isn't like Anderson or..." You stopped, but Joel understood what you were implying. "Go to your house now. I'll say goodbye to Teddy from you."

Before he could say anything, you brushed past him and quickly entered the house. You felt the rage radiating from you and decided to give yourself a few minutes to calm down before going to your son.

What the hell was Joel thinking?

You went to the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of cold water. He had no right to act like a jealous husband. Sure, maybe you should have told him about Steve earlier, but... You didn't know how. And what moment to choose? At first, it didn't make any sense at all when you treated him like an enemy. Then you had other problems: Anderson, the accident... Finally, it happened. Joel found out about Steve and he was turning into an asshole again.

Joel was walking around in the living room. He was furious and... Jealous. He knew it was an ugly, debilitating feeling, but he couldn't shake it. Because what did this Steve do for you? Did he know about Anderson? If yes, why didn't he do anything about it? If he didn't know, then you obviously didn't trust him enough to tell him about it. So how did he take care of you?

And then a small, malicious voice in Joel's head asked, "How have you taken care of her all these years? Where were you when she needed you?"

He stopped in place and sighed heavily. He wasn't with you. He had no right to be jealous, you weren't his and you never will be. And from the way you hugged Steve, he knew you trusted this man. Clearly, he's never hurt you the way, he did.

When you heard a soft knock on the door, you instinctively expected who you would see. You looked at Joel annoyed and gasped, "What?"

"Sorry," he replied quickly. "Really... I..."

You tilted your head to the side. "What, Joel? Talk while I have the last bit of patience to listen to you."

You saw that he was remorseful and nothing was left of his anger from a few minutes ago.

"Because I was a dick who hurt you, now I see every man that way. I'm really worried about you and I want to protect you. You and Teddy."

You rolled your eyes. Joel sometimes surprised you with his twisted logic. He was worried, so he made a quarrel. However, you saw that he was sorry and decided to forgive him for his previous behavior. "Okay, I think I understand, but you really don't need to worry. Steve is a good guy. He would never hurt me. He treats me and Teddy very well." You saw Joel get sad at the mention of your son and added, "But don't worry. He'll never replace you, as a father. Steve isn't the parenting type." You smiled and nodded your head. "Come on. Play with Teddy for a while before you go back to your house."

He nodded and looked at you gratefully.

Even though Joel seemed to realize what you said, you noticed that he was starting to pull away from you. He avoided touching you, he didn't stay at your house for long and he didn't come to dinners. It annoyed you. You wanted it to be like before. You felt guilty for his disturbing behavior. No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you weren't hurting Joel. One look into his sad brown eyes was enough to make you feel worse.

When Steve asked you out, you hesitated. At first, you wanted to tell him you had no one to leave Teddy with, though of course that was a lie. So you finally agreed and asked Joel to take care of your son.

You were never nervous before a date with Steve. You've always felt joy and excitement, but not this time. You got ready and put on your prettiest dress, tied at the back with a ribbon. But when you looked in the mirror you felt disappointed. You thought about getting changed when you heard a knock on the door. After a while, Ellie and Joel were in your living room greeting Teddy. The girl looked at you and smiled.

"You look wonderful!"

You shook your head. "Thank you. I made sandwiches for you and Teddy for dinner. They're on the table."

Your son grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her toward the kitchen. You were alone with Joel, and you couldn't help but feel that he was looking at you with delight, but also with sadness.

"Are you sure it's okay?" you asked. "I can cancel it and leave him with Claudia next time."

"It's okay," he said with a noticeable stiffness in his voice. "You know I love taking care of him. When they finish eating, I'll take him to me."

"Okay. Bye," you said and quickly left the house.

Joel, however, ran after you and shouted "Y/N wait!"

You tensed automatically and turned to him with an angry look on your face. "What now, Joel?! I'm not supposed to go on a date?! I'm supposed to stay because you're jealous?! Maybe I should dress differently?! I don't care what you have to say! It's none of your business!"

Joel looked at you in complete shock. Clearly surprised by your outburst of anger, he muttered, "Your dress came untied."

"What?" You wanted to hide underground. All of a sudden, you didn't understand why you were yelling at him. You felt like you were really angry at yourself and not at him.

Joel meanwhile came over to you and gently turned you around. You felt his strong, large hands on your back and swallowed. He brushed his rough fingertips over the skin of your back, and you bit your lip. It only took him a moment to fix the binding, and something in you missing his touch, when he pulled away and said, "Done."

You turned to him and mumbled, "Sorry."

He smiled softly at you and shook his head. "Okay. You're absolutely right. It's none of my business. I understand that. Have fun."

"Thanks" you whispered and walked away.

You couldn't get his sad look out of your head, and no matter how hard you tried, you didn't give Steve your full attention. You went for a long evening walk, and several times you found yourself enthusiastically telling him about Ellie and her bond with Teddy, and mentioning Joel once or twice.

You ended your walk in your favorite place, at the back of the stables. Steve sat you down on the straw bales and stood between your legs. He started to place gentle kisses on your neck, then brushed his nose against your jaw.

"I missed you. You are my favorite girl."

You smiled and you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Did you find a new one? How many women does your harem already have?"

He chuckled and stroked your cheek. "Only five, but you, you're my favorite."

"You say that to everyone girl, right?"

He shook his head in 'no', and his hands traveled to your back, but the moment he started to undo your dress, you flinched. He noticed this and immediately moved away.

"What's the matter, little flower? You know I'll never make you do anything."

"I know and I appreciate that about you."

"What happened?"

Part of you wanted to say "nothing" and encourage him to continue, but you felt your body was uncooperative. Steve's touch used to turn you on in five minutes. But this time you felt tense. You sighed heavily and quietly replied: "I'm sorry but... It doesn't seem to work anymore. You and me."

Steve pulled back and nodded. He looked like he expected it.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize to me. I understand."

You looked at him surprised: "You're not angry?"

"I always knew it would end someday. You have a child and a home. You need something permanent. I am an adventurous person and I do not shy away from the company of women. You are special, you will always be and that's why I want the best for you. And the best thing for you is to come back to your little family."

You frowned. "Joel is not my husband. Ellie is not his daughter, and she isn't Teddy's half-sister. We are not family."

Steve looked at you indulgently. "You know very well that family is not blood ties. You take care of each other, you worry about each other, you help each other. You are family. The truth is that it doesn't work between us anymore because you want to go back to your family. You talked about them all evening"

"I'm sorry" you whispered and felt tears gathering in your eyes.

Steve cupped your face in his hands and leaned forward. He placed a gentle kiss on your lips and whispered, "Don't apologize. You haven't done anything wrong. Just promise me you won't forget about me. I want to have a friend here."

You nodded and smiled through your tears. "You will always be my friend."

He stepped aside and helped you down to the ground. "Okay. Rush to your family."

You walked into Joel and Ellie's house without knocking. Another thing you started doing unconsciously. But the living room was dark. You felt a little uneasy, but then you heard the soft sounds of a guitar. You silently walked to the door to the yard but stayed on the threshold. Ellie and Teddy lay together in the hammock that Joel had made for them. He was sitting on a garden chair with a guitar. You've never heard him play or sing before, but you've heard a teenage girl teasing him about "I'd be a singer." Apparently, the kids managed to get him to play on guitar. You leaned against the doorframe. You didn't want them to see you. This scene felt so intimate that you felt like an intruder. You focused on the words Joel was singing.

'When you lose your way and the fight is gone

Your heart starts to break

And you need someone around now

Just close your eyes

While I put my arms above you

And make you unbreakable '

You had to admit that Joel had a nice voice and could play. But more than the music, you focused on the words.

'She stands in the rain, just to hide it all If you ever turn around I won't let you fall down now I swear I'll find your smile And put my arms above you And make you unbreakable

I'll make you unbreakable

Cause she's the girl that I never had She's the heart that I wanted bad The song I heard on the radio That made me stop and think of her'

With every word he sang, your heart beat faster. You felt like Joel was singing about you. Was it even possible?

'And I can't, I can't, I can't Concentrate anymore

And I need, I need, need To show her what her heart is for It's been mistreated badly

Now her world has started falling apart

Falling apart '

You weren't even aware that you were crying while listening to him. You listened to him like hypnotized.

'You need to know that somebody's there all the time I'd wait in line, and I hope It's yours

Can't walk away 'til your heart knows

That it's beautiful

Oh, I hope you know, It's beautiful

And put my arms above you And make you unbreakable

Cause I love, I love, I love I love you darling

Yes, I love, I love, I love

I love you darling

And I'll put my arms around you

And make you unbreakable

Unbreakable '

You didn't even notice when he finished the song and put the guitar aside. He walked over to the kids and said, "Teddy, it's time for bed."

"No," the baby boy moaned. "I want to look at the stars with Ellie."

Joel ruffled slightly boy's hair and replied. "Fine, but I'll bring you a blanket."

He started walking towards the house and you panicked. For a moment you even thought about running out of the house, but it seemed silly to you. So you stepped back into the living room and turned on the bedside lamp so that the darkness wouldn't make Joel think you were an intruder.

As soon as he saw you, worry flashed across his face.

"Y/N, what happened? Did he hurt you? If he did something to you, I swear I'll kill him."

He quickly walked over to you and cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. You mentally cursed yourself for your own sensitivity. You put your hands on his and replied, "I'm fine. I broke up with him, but Steve understood it and didn't make any trouble."

Joel let go of your face but stayed close to you.

"Why?" He asked. "You seemed happy with him."

"It's just... I've never had anything serious with him. Steve has other girlfriends. I guess we always knew we'd break up someday."

Joel nodded but still looked concerned. "Then why are you crying?"

You decided that there was no point in lying to him and replied: "I think I got emotional when I listened to your song."

Joel's reaction surprised you. He pulled away sharply and looked as if he was about to pass out. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"What?"

"I'm always the reason you cry," he whispered.

You couldn't see him like this any longer. You quickly walked over to him and hugged him tightly. You buried your face in his chest.

For a moment, Joel was paralyzed. He didn't know what to do. Eventually, something clicked inside him and he hugged you tightly.

"It's not tears of sadness this time," you said quietly. " Just tears of emotion."

You felt Joel relax under your touch. And although on the one hand, you wanted this moment to last longer, you remembered about the children. You pulled away and muttered, "You were supposed to bring a blanket for Teddy."

"Ah, yes."

Joel awkwardly walked past you and grabbed a blanket from the couch.

"Will you be mad if I come home and take the evening off?"

He smiled at you. "Run. Before Teddy notices you."

But before you left, you spoke again. "Joel?"

"Yes?"

"Will you sing me this song someday when we're alone?"

You giggled as his eyes widened. He looked like a puppy who had been given his favorite treats.

"Of course," he finally choked out.

You nodded and ran out of the house. But outside you stopped and put your hand to your chest. Your heart was beating like crazy. You bit your lip lightly and felt your cheeks heat up. You really needed a moment to yourself.

Song: Jamie Scott - Unbreakable

Part VI

Part VIII

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