#and my parent's think i'm just fine now because i'm fucking on the pill or whatever and i'm trying anxiety meds etc etc

[lonesomedotmp3]

guy who didn't take their stop getting panicked and freaking out at everything and having unbearable heart palpitations and being unable to sleep pill voice guess who's feeling panicked and won't stop freaking out at everything and is having unbearable heart palpitations and can't sleep!! el oh el!

#i was like it's fine i don't even need them. dude there is a reason you went to all that effort to get them... #IDIOT!! #i know i complain on here alllll the time (follow for more complaining!) but you have no idea the extent to which i get through the day by #just not thinking about it. or thinking about it for two minutes then forcing myself to just. move on to anything else. #if i let myself spiral (like i did february) all of the time i simply would stop taking part in my life #because it's unbearable if you think about it. so i don't. but the constant pointed Not Thinking About It is exhausting #and the constant enduring is exhausting the constant Taking What I Can Get is EXHAUSTING (hence. the february breakdown) #and now nothing is BETTER it's just. child psychology voice kill yourself or get over it. and so i got over it. but that's not LIVING. #and my parent's think i'm just fine now because i'm fucking on the pill or whatever and i'm trying anxiety meds etc etc #but fundamentally the truth is the same (i'm not built to be happy and i wasn't built for this life) #and i'm just back to the trying! the trying and trying and trying and swallowing pills and practicing tai chi and #opening the windows and eating oranges and sharing poems and appreciating the little things #i'm tired of appreciating little things. i want big things! #and no i won't kill myself. if you keep living there is some chance life will become worth living at some point however low #and if you die then that chance drops to zero. so fine. whatever. i'll get over it #but this isn't good. this isn't a good life! every day i have to wake up and remember there's nothing here for me!!!! #YES every day is a renewed chance that life will become good but how can i not be burdened from every day that came before that was just #nothing? #something has to change and I'VE tried changing i'm ALWAYS changing it's always ME #a new mindset a new coping mechanism and new positive mental attitude #but that doesn't fix that fundamentally life as it is for me is Not Worth It. ok. if i have to live the rest of my life trying to rewire my #brain so it feels whatever sense of hope it can from the Tiny Little Things that aren't completely miserable and desolate like a stranger's #kindness or a nice treat from a shop or a pretty skyline. if that's all i'll ever get? #what are we doing. #in conclusion: let's create life 2 where everything is so so beautiful for everyone

[cupid-styles]

you're my last shot

second blurb of my fall/halloween series ! this one honestly has nothing to do with halloween but imagine it happens in fall :) there will be a halloween-themed blurb for them coming on sunday!

word count: less than 1,000

content warnings: pregnancy, discussion pertaining to abortion (no action taken)

masterlist | talk to me

fall blurb masterlist

. . .

Y/N isn't quite sure when she and Harry started hating each other so much.

It's been months, probably. Maybe a year? She doesn't really remember; all she knows is that the second he melded into their friend group, she thought he was cocky and annoying, flirting with every person who so much even looked his way, and she didn't like that. She didn't like him. 

The mutual hatred between them was fine up until now, but... now, it seems like it's a major inconvenience, because Y/N is standing in her bathroom staring down at four positive pregnancy tests and Harry — she shudders — is the only person she's slept with in the past three months.

It had been a moment of weakness. A huge one. Massive, really, fueled by a few too many drinks at the bar, a shared spliff outside, an alcohol-fueled decision of, "well, we live in the same neighborhood, may as well just take an Uber together" that ended in a heated makeout session, followed by one of the most passionate nights Y/N has ever had. (She'll never admit that to him, but she swallows it down for herself.)

There was something about that night. He was being less... awful than he typically was when their friends went out. He didn't eye fuck the entire bar, didn't buy any drinks for the cute girls flirting with him. He was tolerable and apparently that was enough for Y/N — well, drunk Y/N who gets a little too horny when she has rosé in her system, and when she eyed his large hands and tattoos in the Uber, and she felt him shift just a little bit closer to her in the backseat, and when he whispered "just for tonight, no one has to know" into her ear, she was a goner.

And now she's pregnant with his child.

What the fuck?

. . .

It turns out that that's Harry's exact response.

"You said you're on birth control—"

"I am."

"So what the fuck happened—"

"It must have failed, Harry, there's still a chance of conception even with the pill."

"Are you serious��"

"Do you think I would joke about this?"

He's pacing around the diameter of his living room, trying to digest the news. She understands. It took her about 48 hours to process that this was happening to her, and then an additional 24 when she realized she had to tell Harry. She hadn't told anyone else — not any of their friends or her mom, because she wasn't sure what she wanted to do and she didn't want her decision to be fueled by any outside opinions. As much as she despised him, she believed Harry was the only other person who had a say in this.

Finally, he sits down. Well, it's more a noisy thump as he crosses his legs on the carpet, burying his head in his hands. She sighs, feeling marginally bad for him, even if she was having the same response a few days ago.

"Listen, I'm fine to have an abortion. I know we're both pro-choice and we really don't have to do anything with this... thing. Just, like, Venmo me half the money for one and I'll get it done."

Harry looks up at her, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why would you get an abortion?"

"Why wouldn't I get an abortion?"

"Because I want to be a dad," he says with a shrug, as if it's a given that he'd want Y/N to mother his child, "You may be my only shot. We all know I have a shitty relationship history, who knows if I'll be able to have another kid."

"Harry, this is insane. We can't stand each other, this would never be a healthy situation."

"Why not?" he presses, and Y/N seriously can't believe he's fighting back on this, "Co-parenting is totally normal. We don't have to be married to have a kid together. I'm ready."

Her eyes widen. "I literally watched you funnel a bag of wine last week, and you're 29 years old."

"I only do that shit because I have no reason not to. If we're having a baby, I'm more than happy to stop partying and focus on becoming a dad."

"Do you— like, do you even know what being a parent requires?" Y/N asks, "You would be committed to dealing with me for at least 18 years. Money, emotional support, being there for everything. Soccer games, school shows, parent-teacher conferences, graduations, doctors appointments..."

"I want kids, Y/N. And if you're my only chance, I'm not gonna say no."

She thinks she might puke on the spot.

"You look like you're gonna pass out. Are you okay?" Harry questions, standing from his spot on the rug and stepping towards her. She puts her hands up, a silent and invisible boundary. He stops.

"Are you... set on having an abortion?" he asks quietly, "It's okay if you are, that's your choice."

She sighs. She hates to admit that she's not. That over the past four days, she's envisioned what it would be like to snuggle her sweet baby, to kiss them and hold them and be a mom to them. That, worst of all, her dating history is just as glum as Harry's and, whether she likes it or not, he may be her only shot at parenthood, too.

"I guess I'm not," Y/N breathes, setting her eyes low to the ground. "I know I only have so much time and... I do get scared that I'll miss my opportunity."

"Yeah," he nods in understanding, "Do you wanna... like, take some time to think then? Maybe reconvene in a couple of days?"

Reluctantly, she agrees. But she already knows that she doesn't need any more time to mull it over — she wants to have this baby with Harry. 

#writing #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles x oc

[jazeswhbhaven]

Beel, Are You Srs Brah? WHB Event React Part 5 *Spoiler Warning*

okay...I know...I know...ANOTHER part? Yes. But if haven't been here before...let's go back a bit! Go here for Part 4 ->

From there you can backtrack all the way to the beginning if you wish! It's been quite the react journey .-. I hope you enjoyed my bastardized summary and commentary. Let's enjoy the final part together <3

If you remember in part 4, Beel was over here being weird and licking Amon's tears and now he's just like right so when you're done mourning over your parents come to the palace and I'll get you pierced up. <3

Beel. Please.

Just has that personality shining through where he doesn't dwell on stuff like this for long. It's mostly "Ah yah that's sad, but anyways" Not to say that he doesn't care. It's more of he can't really afford to stay stuck in that emotion of sadness and such. He's got stuff to do.

Speaking of which, we're back at the cafe again because Amon is done having his little flashback moment.

So the Jung Hi cosplayer is just reminding them that he's serving the table they're at still, even though Beel is there under special orders, and our bois keep trying to talk to him, but he's really nudging them to eat. They're served pork cutlets, and it's the same reaction yet again lmao

All of them are eating and enjoying the food like how they did at the other places. SIGH

Ngl I was suspicious of why Beel wanted them to eat so badly...like there's gotta be some reason he's adamant about it, right? Is he trying to sneak away?

Uh oh...

so it appears the more they ate, the slower reacting they were being, and at this point I'm like WTF DID BEEL ROOFIE THE FUCKING FOOD?

So our bby Stolas goes down first, then Nabe who's like "I knew it..." like this entire mission he couldn't catch a damn break and I felt so bad for him (╥_╥) Amon is resisting a bit, probs because he already slept so much to begin with, but he gets a few words in!

So during their exchange of words, it is confirmed that this isn't a cosplayer and that it is him. The OG him that's been running around causing trouble, (leaving those damn unpaid tabs), and now he's successfully poisoned his nobles with roofies. Though, I think it's cute that he acknowledged it was good to eat with Amon again <3

So Amon succumbs to the sleeping pills and now all of them are knocked the fuck out. He tells the Jung Hi cosplayer to put them nicely into the room they have so they can sleep soundly. That this isn't goodbye forever so he's fine with just leaving them like that. (So cruel though like I would be mad if you just slipped me a sleeping pill just so you could run away Beel >:p) And it's funny because once he says that, the other customers were like OH WAIT ITS HIM HIM and Beel is like telling them to shush and not reveal it is him.

He's so hot. I hate him. (affectionately) Like imagine him saying that in a deep Southern cowboy voice. Paired with him sounding like he's sleepy all the time??

c r e a m cit y

But as it goes to fade in black, we see our bois sleeping, and they aren't the only ones sleeping!

o(〒﹏〒)o no one talk everyone shut up, the bby Bael is sleepins and he worked his ass off today do not wake him <3

The fact that he had to say it like that just makes me laugh. Because it sounds suggestive as if he plans on like just wanting to spend some alone time with his lover and not his bestie.

So Beel out here complaining about the the mountains of paperwork and is like "wow there's so much shit to file and complain about ugh how terrible" when it was him literally leaving so Bael is the one to deal with it. But our bby is so tired he can't even hear Beel speak his nonsense the man is o u t.

So Beel being cute, he got a gift for Bael, a little trinket made from shells and he's just talking to him about where he got it and Bael is still asleep and doing grumbly faces and Beel is touching his wrinkles to smooth them out and being all gentle and lovingly. The fact that Bael doesn't wake up the entire time has me thinking that physical touch is both his and Beel's favorite thing and it soothes them so Bael is just taking it in and staying asleep.

First, I love this CG...look how Beel looks here. Scrumptious. Yummy. Spicy. Muy Machito. My fucking reason to edge myself to sleep.

And just how he's handling Bael? („ಡωಡ„)

But yes, turns out that Beel had came back on his own, and was meaning to stop by and tell Bael that he was back for a moment but he got distracted, started doing stuff and now that it's time for him to leave again he's like "Whelp!"

So our bois spent their time and money for no reason. But at the same time...was Beel ever gonna close those tabs or just send the bill to Bael anyway?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (screaming, crying, he's so fucking- h e l p)

So Beel is admitting to himself, that even though he knows he's always gonna forget and be distracted about things like this, he never forgets that he has to come back to Bael, back to our Avisos bois <3 And honestly this makes me feel better about my own ADHD because I suffer from not only time blindness, but for my friends it's always 'out of sight out of mind' when they aren't in front of me, paired with horrible sleep schedule and quick social fatigue that sometimes they don't hear from me in days to maybe weeks. But I always remember to come back to message them something small or ask how they are doing or share a thing that made me think of them. I have a good circle where they don't mind this and it's so affirming.

This is why I grow closer to accepting Beel as my personal ship partner <3 That and I feel he won't really care about my chubby self and my stubby arms and legs and think me being 5ft is adorable.

So this scene has me wondering tbh. What is it that he has to reveal to our little crew? I wonder since this is a side story and it seems like it's taking place the same time as the main story, that he's anticipating MCs arrival to Avisos sometime in the future or this whole incident with Levi that's happening in Chapter 4....

Regardless, I also have a couple theories about what he says to Bael here.

This reads like a very strong platonic relationship, possibly the only other person he loves more than himself, his freedom, etc. Because even if there's no romance, you can still call your most trusted friend and person your other self/half, because that's how strong the bond is. Another possibility is my wishful thinking that he sees Bael as a romantic partner, but not in a traditional way. Friends with benefits but pretty much there's only just poor Bael getting stuck with the short end of that. A situationship if you will.

And finally, from other users speaking about Bael possibly being a clone of Beel's from early on...I love the concept of that because it would track and make sense. Especially if the crown...that uh is removable I suppose is not his 'real' horn. But most likely some kind of armor or protective covering for the real horn that's hidden in his hair somewhere. This could be a defect he was born with (or you know clone theory it just didn't grow the same way as Beel's horn)

So now Beel is talking in thin air and I'm just like, huh??? And it's more of like him trying to warn whoever it is that he may not the best to look up to after all and how this person should live for themselves.

oh, it's Dre!!! So He's telling him to not count on him because he may not be the one to stop the war?

So he admits to him, that he's not going to sit and try to put himself in his shoes but that Dre should enjoy life instead of living in such sadness all the time.

Dre is very adamant that Beel is the one who's going to end things and that he will protect him. I really do fucking wonder what Belpeghor did because if you catch Dre's screen line, he says that he snuck away from Niflheim iirc or Belphie let him leave. So this is making me wonder if Belphie is a hardass and is rude to his nobles/citizens. Or is he simply overprotective? We'll have to see later.

Dre also brings up that Beel's nobles don't trust him, they just like him. And Beel just brushes it off and calls them idiots

damn Beel okay ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ fuck your nobles I guess

But then we get on the topic of Dre killing our pathetic buff angel to avenge his brother.

And well it's seem Dre didn't like that being casually brought up.

So he mentions to Beel that when he said he would protect him he didn't mean he would deal with disrespect. (I don't blame him for that cause yeah lol Beel is king and all but come correct)

But Beel claps back, by also aiming for Dre's head and warning him that he doesn't like bad manners either so he better watch it.

Damn, real tense up in here. (crying because Bael is still fucking asleep during all of this, he's so tired)

So Beel decides to further explain himself though. That while he may not understand the true extent of Dre's sadness, he is furious and he hates what happened that day and is glad that one of the angels responsbile is dead.

Dre starts to ease up on him, and Beel offers him some tea randomly (haha cute) but Dre has dissaappeared like Batman or something and calls out from the shadows to thank Beel for that day.

So we go back to that day again with Dre. Which every time they show our bois as children I'm just like awh they all look so adorable and it's fun seeing them age because their horns are smaller and stuff, so it's literally how they would work irl too.

But back to the story...

Dre was on the floor, bleeding out and such and then he hears the screams of the buff angel in that moment, who was holding his face because Beel kicked his ass with the whip. And by the time Dre could even manage to make out what was happening, Beel's swarm of flies left.

Yes Beel, yes they do grow up super fucking fast.

I barely remember my own childhood, (well the good things sadly enough) but that was already so fucking long ago....even irl time passes by so damn fast it's crazy.

But seeing that this memory with Dre probably feels like yesterday to the both of them, is just...yeah it's pretty heavy. So much angst. So little time.

So the doorman that guards the door comes in again and whelp both Beel and Dre are gone and Bael is still asleep this entire time lol Like yes, just let him rest, please.

Speaking of which...the next day Bael is awake and pissed off that he missed Beel again and issued a strike (not sure if he means like a literal strike or like warrant/hit on Beel lol) that our bois had to calm him down from doing.

Then it fades to Beel's cheeky little smirk and then it's the fucking end!!!

PHEW so you made it <3 Part fucking five of this event react.

Honestly there was no way I was going to smush this down to only two parts when there's s o much fucking lore and stuff in this and so many places in Avisos to talk about and just idk there was alot to chime in on this time around where I felt I needed to just say whatever.

Recaps of learning about Dre and why he's even in Avisos in the first place, to how our three Avisos nobles interact (Stolas really can't fucking stand Amon it's comical) Nabe being the logical one of the group, but you can see some emotion in there too when he's comfortable. He does give class president vibes and it's cute.

Nabe-Senpai? Maybe? Hm.

And just learning more about Amon and his personality it's just really great stuff for this event. We even get to see Raphael in action and how he really just doesn't give a fuck. Children? Fair game to him to slaughter. True villain shit. I'm sure the next one is gonna be about Hades though, I have a feeling. Because it would make sense to bring out chapter 5, AND have the next event also give us some Hades lore.

But yes, thank you for sitting with me, vibin' with me, and your lovely admin will see you in the next react <3 ♥( ˆ⌣ ˆԅ)

#whb #what in hell is bad #whb beelzebub #whb avisos bois 💚 #whb andrealphus #whb bael #whb event #finally we're done! #this was one of the ones where you needed a bunch of snacks #I talked about Beel alot here lol

[iamcalmdammit]

Being sick || [John Price x reader]

Note: I loved John and the reader's chemistry in Four so here you go. This is the result of me suffering from goddamn covid myself.

Price hated to wake up without you by his side, especially when he was at home. After your date night on the previous day, he thought you could spend the morning in bed together, enjoying your short alone time. But when he woke up and turned to your side, he found the empty spot where you'd been when he fell asleep.

So he put on a shirt and began his short trip around the house to see where you were. In a matter of minutes he found you in the living room downstairs, cozily tucked under a fluffy blanket on the couch and reading a book in the silence the neighborhood provided so early in the morning.

"Lucas is with my parents and you don't use this opportunity to get some extra sleep?" he asked with a smile when he entered the room.

"I don't feel too well," you replied hoarsely as you closed the book and looked up at him. "I didn't want to wake you up with my coughing."

A worried expression replaced the loving smile the moment he heard you talk. "What's wrong?" He kneeled on the couch next to you and quickly checked your temperature by putting the back of his hand on your forehead. "Okay, you have a fever, you're going back to bed," he instructed before putting away the book and the blanket then reaching out to help you up.

But you pushed his hand away and stubbornly said, "I'm fine."

"You're not," Price told you when you started coughing. "Come on, I'll make you tea and bring something to bring down the fever along with a covid test."

"John."

Shaking his head, he simply scooped you up and began to walk towards the stairs with you. "This is not an argument you can win," he said with a know-it-all smirk.

"Ugh, fine."

"I hate it when you're being this difficult."

"I just can't be sick."

"You absolutely can." When you reached the bedroom and he gently lowered you on the bed, he sat down next to you and swept your hair out of your face. "Look, I can take care of you and myself just fine, and I'll ask my parents if Lucas can stay with them for a few more days."

Rolling your eyes, you looked at the ceiling. "I never said you can't take care of me," you murmured.

"You didn't have to," he informed you with a smile before he leaned down to kiss you on the lips.

"Hey, you're gonna catch whatever it is," you warned as you pushed him away.

Laughing, he stood up and held up his hands. "We live in the same house, I slept next to you last night, so I think I'd catch it eventually anyway. But fine, I'll give you space."

Ten minutes later Price returned with a tray in his hand that he settled on the bed next to you then sat down. "I'll put the tea on the nightstand because it's still hot. Here's a glass of water and some meds for the fever," he went on, giving you both. "And it's a good thing I stocked up because here's a covid test kit and a pill for your throat too."

"Doomsday prepper," you joked with a smile before taking the pill.

"All right," he began once he took the half empty glass from you and put it on the nightstand next to the steaming mug of tea. "Let's do the test. I brought myself one too so we'll see," he said, opening the boxes and neatly placing each item in front of you and himself.

Watching him with an amused smile, you leaned back against the headboard. "I can use a test, you know, I'm not dying yet."

"But I want you to rest."

At this point you gave up and decided not to force him. Price was glad you made this decision because he was too worried to deal with that. About ten minutes later you were both just sitting there on the bed, holding hands as you watched the two test panels.

It was you who broke the silence with your coughing fits every now and then until you said, "I was happier when it was my pregnancy test that became positive."

"Well, we're fucked. Let's hope I get away with it without symptoms so I can help you more," Price told you then began to collect the remains of the kit on the tray.

If there was one thing everyone knew about Price, it was probably how much he adored you since the day you met on a mission seven years ago. He was smitten, he knew that. Kate and Kyle often teased him about this, especially when they overheard parts of his conversations with you.

So now that you were sick, he was ready to spend the next few days taking care of you, just like you'd do if the roles were reversed. Once he took the tray back to the kitchen, he made himself a coffee then returned to the bedroom to lie down next to you.

With his legs pulled up, he dialed his mother's number and put it on speaker so you could also hear it. "Hi, Mom," he greeted her. "Look, can you get Lucas and yourselves a covid test?" His mother was surprised to hear it and her surprise disappeared the moment she put the pieces together. "Yeah, both of ours were positive so I just want to know if he's okay," he explained and his mother promised to do what he wanted. "Okay, thanks, Mom."

"Can we talk to him?" you asked worriedly, but she immediately explained that your father-in-law took him to the playground that morning. "Oh, okay."

"Call us if you know anything, okay?" Price asked then ended the call after a positive response. "I hope he didn't catch it," he said.

You watched him with an amused smile on your lips and he had no idea what it was for. "I love it when you're like this," you suddenly told him.

"Like what?"

Laughing, you reached out to take his hand. "When you turn on your worried-dad mode."

"Is that so?" he asked then leaned over to kiss you.

"Mmm-hmm. Like when I was attending a meeting in the HQ a few months back and you sent me tons of messages about taking him to a doctor because he had a mild fever."

Price laughed. "I freaked out."

"Yeah, I could--" you began but started coughing mid-sentence, "tell." When you could finally finish the sentence, you moved a bit to rest your head on his chest. "Thank you for taking care of us."

He couldn't help but look down at you with a big smile. Not because he was proud of himself, that was the bare minimum he could do as a husband and father. No. The reason behind the smile was how emotional you always got when you were sick or injured. It was cute and he loved it.

Later in the day--after finding out your son and his parents were all in the clear--he brought you another round of tea and meds, but this time he put some chocolate on the tray for you as well. "Liverpool's playing tonight," he stated as he sat next to you and sipped from his own tea.

"I know," you replied with a smile.

"You think you're gonna be okay while I'm watching it?"

With a cute little laugh you reached out to put your hand on his arm. "I'll be fine. I'm not dying. Maybe I'll watch it with you," you added after some thinking.

Raising your hand to his lips, Price said, "You should sleep, your fever's still not down."

"I'll be fine, John," you assured him.

He agreed. You were his lucky charm after all. The team couldn't lose if you were watching the game with him. So after you finished your drinks, he accompanied you downstairs, making sure you were okay on the way, then he tucked you in carefully with the blanket you left there in the morning.

#call of duty #john price x reader #john price #captain price x reader #captain price #captain john price #captain john price x reader #modern warfare ii #modern warfare

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simselfstory (18+)

CW: unplanned pregnancy, pregnancy stuff, addiction, drugs ⚠️

It was Friday. Finally! That was my last day of work in that fucking asylum I worked. 🥳 Goodbye Mr. B., on never reunion! 😡

I had a date with N. I haven’t seen him all week. Which kind of unsettled me. After all there was still his.... fiancée or ex-fiancée. Second, I’ve probably been pregnant, since our last night together in his Mom's house.... Anyway, first I went to Sandra, to visit her and little Liam, who, btw.... shit on me. 🤨 Yep,  little stinky pooped and the poop escaped! 💩 My dress was the target. So, Sandra lent me something to wear.

Sandra was the only one I told about Nico and that I might be pregnant. S. was so happy for me. She said, I have to keep this baby! Who knows, if I will ever get pregnant again, after I had those issues in summer last year? It's like a little miracle she meant. Also this was the second time I was pregnant by N. So this time, I just have to keep it, she said. But what about Daniel? I was so sad again. When I stopped by my apartment at the beginning of the week, to check if everything is still ok there, I had that sad dream about Daniel. I was totally depressed because of that. But apart from Daniel and Nico’s ex- fiancée, there was a really serious problem, that will await me and my baby, if I am actually pregnant. 😥🤦‍♀️ My fucking pills! I relapsed a few weeks ago and had to start that drug replacement therapy again. This damn thing ruined everything. That’s why, I’m going to make an appointment for an abortion. But Sandra and my Grams will save my Baby. 😞 They’re gonna change my mind at the last second! 🩷🧡 But as for my addiction & pregnancy, I think I’ll have to make a own post about it. I mentioned once, at the beginning, that I had a high-risk pregnancy. And well, this was the reason.

Anyway, Sandra tried to calm me down..

Sandra: Don’t you worry, sweetie! After the weekend we will get you a pregnancy test and if it's actually positive, I'll help you. 💛

Me: Ok. But what about Nico? He doesn't even like Babyies. Besides, he’s gonna hate me for taking those damn pills.

Sandra: Yeah, that’s pretty serious A.... But your doc said your pills won’t hurt your baby in case of pregnancy. So don't worry, it's gonna be fine. 😟

Me: Yea, but he also said, that my baby might get withdrawal symptoms the first days after birth. Daniel and I talked about all this earlier. But Nico? He's gonna hate me! And he's right! I'm gonna die if my Baby gets withdrawal. But my parents are gonna kill me anyway. 😩🤦‍♀️

Sandra: I'm sure N. ’ll love your Baby.... Once he’s here to pick you up, I’ll give him Liam. You’ll see, he’ll like it and he’ll change his mind about Babies.

Nico came...

Sandra: Hi, Nico! Nice to see you. Glad you're back. (😬)

Nico: Hi, S.! Yea, good to see you too. Kind of crazy. I barely left for a year and everyone has babies. Philip told me a bit last summer... Are you ok?

Sandra: Yea all fine. He's my little sunshine. He has changed my whole life. I'm so grateful for my Baby.

Nico: Glad to hear that. You look good S.... Oh, and I got a little something for.... Liam, right? Here, just a gift card, nothing special. I'm not that good with all that baby stuff.

Sandra: Whaat??.... Thanks, N. This is so cute, but you didn't have to! 🤩

Nico: Not a big deal.

Sandra: Now I see it too, you’ve changed, N.... I like that. 😊

Me: Aww, you're so sweet. I missed you.

Nico: I missed you too, you’re so pretty, babe.

Nico (to S.'s bf): Yo, man!... What happend to your black suits? Is that... hipster, nerdy look, your new style now? 🤨

S.'s bf: What happened to your tracksuits? Ha? 😮‍💨

Nico: You’ve never seen me in a tracksuit, so what’s your point?

S.'s bf: Hm, that’s how I remembered you. Maybe bcs of your... soccer thing, you know? 🤨

Nico: Yea, anyway 😒 ...... Let’s go, babe. Today I’ll take you to my place.

Me: And you're sure we'll be alone there?

Nico: Don't you trust me? I told you, I broke up with her. It's over.

Me: But why didn't you want to see me? I was so sad this week.

Nico: I wanted to see you! I just didn’t have time, I was busy with soccer. Was pretty tough that week. But you knew that. I called you. Every day.

Me: Yea. Idk? I thought maybe she was with you? And I was so sad about Daniel too. But when you’re with me, that pain is gone.

Nico: Why didn’t you just tell me?... I was at practice and I couldn’t come to you bcs of your parents .🤷‍♂️ But let's talk later about that.

I think Liam thought Nico was Daniel. 🙁 He started crawling all the way to Nico. Just to look and smile at him. He was literally cracking up about Nico. This was so funny. I’ve never seen and heard Liam laugh so loudly and much. So cute! Sandra asked Nico to take Liam in his arms. She wanted to see, if he was really afraid of Babies. Nico hesitated. But I could understand him! Liam just pooped, that little stinky. Again! 💩💩🤷‍♀️

Nico (to S.): Can you please take Liam. I think he’s pooping.

Sandra: OH! Ok sorry. Yea, just give him to me.

Nico: Heh! I knew it, I knew it! 😄

Sandra: Oh no, Liam! That new baby food, is probably not really good for you, huh?

Nico: This little dude seems like a little shit. 😉😄

Sandra: Just wait till you get your own little shit.

Nico: Nah! No thanks! As long as I can avoid it, I will.

Sandra: Are you sure you’re doing everything to avoid it?

Nico: I hope so? 🫤

Sandra: But seriously Nico. What if A. wants a Baby? Will you say no to her?

Nico: Am... If she really wants a Baby, I won’t say no to her, of course.

Sandra: But what about you? Will you take care of your Baby?

Me: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Nico: I'll have to, I guess... Babe? You ok?... What's up?

Me: Nothing! Let's just go.

Nico took me to his place, where he and his ex-gf lived together. I was so nervous. I was afraid of what to expect. He warned me and said that some of her things are still lying around there. He tried to put everything away today, so that I feel comfortable there, but some of her stuff, she still has to pick up. I could see he was nervous too. Rather worried that it could hurt me, to see, how the two have lived together.

He also told me, when she moved in with him, she has the entire living room newly furnished, without Nico knew about it. She just ordered everything in Nico’s name, so he got the bill at the end. A friend of hers studied interior design or something and that girl, wanted to redecorate his whole apartment. But Nico came home from abroad in time and was able to stop this shit. He was totally pissed! He didn’t want to pay that bill and told her that she has to do it, or he's gonna dump her. Well, her parents had to pay for the new living room.... This is so crazy!! I'd never do something like this! Even now not after all those years with him.

Anyway, next time I will tell more about her and I will meet her there myself. 🤦‍♀️ Actually, she was ok. And tbh, I felt bad about her. She told me what happened to her a few years ago. Something really bad! That’s also why Nico couldn’t just break up with her, like he thought. She threatened to hurt herself, if he did. I thought that was totally stupid of her!! And I was mad at Nico, bcs he allowed her to succeed with that pity shit. But you'll see soon what I mean.

Previous/ Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #myrlgameplay #rl story #simself #18+ content #cw addiction #cw pregnancy #cw abortion #cw drugs

[kleenexwoman]

I'm finally getting out of my fog and writing again!

Naturally, I'm writing about brain chemicals more. This time it's Steve and Eddie, and there might be a surprise mentally ill guest star I will make you feel unexpectedly bad for. (@thorniest-rose you are literally the mortal inspiration for me writing this all tbh)

Sneak preview:

Billy oozes by Eddie’s locker after lunch, and Eddie expects him to say something about Steve, but he doesn’t.

“Need some white heat,” is Billy’s opening line.

“Dude, your dealer in Los Angeles might know what the fuck you mean, but you gotta be a little more specific with us hicks,” Eddie says. “That could be, like, anything.”

“Nose candy, moron.” Billy rolls his eyes.

“Are you fuckin–” Eddie stuffs his books into his locker and lowers his voice. “What are you, a narc? You can’t just buy cocaine off me in the hallway, idiot!”

“I’m so bored, man,” Billy whines. “What, do I gotta come to your special little goblin rock in the woods or whatever for anything halfway decent?”

“Look,” Eddie says. “It’s pizza day. I have oregano, ‘cause the pizza here is basically grilled cheese, and then I have antacids so you can concentrate in class. And I have some aspirin for girls on their periods. If you want anything more interesting than that, you gotta come to my place.”

“I thought you delivered,” Billy says.

“You can walk to my place,” Eddie points out. “I don’t deliver when I can hear you blasting Speedwagon across the park.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Speedwagon,” Billy says.

“Didn’t say there was,” Eddie says. “I’m just saying, you can walk. Or drive, or whatever.”

“Fine,” Billy says, and points at him. “Five-thirty, sharp.”

“Yeah, whatever, man,” Eddie says as Billy walks off.

Whatever. He’ll be at home or he won’t. It’s not like Billy has that much money, not unless Hagan is sending him to get the drugs, which seems like a reversal of dynamic on their part. But the world has changed, who knows what bright new social order blah blah.

It’s a little more of a surprise when Eddie closes his locker ten seconds later and Nancy Wheeler, of all people, is standing there.

“I don’t sell study pills to bitches,” Eddie says.

“Yeah, I’m fine on the… study pills,” Nancy says, wrinkling up her nose like she’s not going to be slamming Mother’s Little Helpers come her frosh year of U of C or wherever the fuck she thinks she’s headed. “It’s about Steve.”

Eddie points at himself, then at Nancy, then raises his eyebrows.

“Please, please don’t sell him anything,” Nancy says.

Eddie angles his whole body towards the retreating Billy, looks back to Nancy, back to Billy, shakes his head, and then turns back to Nancy.

“That’s Billy over there,” Eddie says, “unless I’m very much mistaken.”

“I saw you sitting with him at lunch,” Nancy says.

“Yeah, well, nobody else was,” Eddie says. “Can I go to class now, hall monitor, or do we need to take this to the interrogation chamber?”

“I’m just saying that he’s been through a really hard time,” Nancy says, and raises her hands defensively, “and yes, I know I was part of that–”

“So you understand the unfeasibility, nay, the pure absurdity of your negotiating position here,” Eddie says.

“–but just because we’re broken up doesn’t mean I don’t care about him,” Nancy says. “I mean, six kids? Who has that many children in one lifetime?”

“Mormons?” Eddie blinks slowly. “I’m sorry. Are you coming to me to ask me not to engage in the commerce that is my trade, or are we discussing birth control now?”

“I’m saying that it’s probably unethical for you to target Steve for, like, drug-selling reasons when he’s just been through a really bad weekend,” Nancy says. “So please? Like, please? I don’t want to have to call his parents and explain why their son is in a straitjacket at Central State Hospital.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have called the guy ‘bullshit’ in front of all his friends then,” Eddie chirps. He opens his locker door, shoves his math book inside, and rattles it around for a few seconds just to make a point. “Seems like anything I’m gonna do after that is just gravy.”

“Look,” Nancy says from behind the locker door. “It wasn’t my best moment.”

“It wasn’t,” Eddie agrees. “Neither is this. But I’m willing to do you a favor and forget it.”

“But I’m really serious,” Nancy says. “You have no idea how much harm it could do–”

“Rule One of the Munson Doctrine.” Eddie slams his locker. “Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.”

“What?” Nancy tilts her head forward in that way smart girls do when they’re not sure if they’re hearing you wrong or they just think you’re stupid.

“Ethics,” Eddie says. “You mentioned ethics. I have ethics, and I’m sorry they don’t line up with yours, but that’s a big one. Rule Eight: Do not complain about that which you need not subject yourself.”

“Those are the Satanic Rules of the Earth,” Nancy says slowly. “I saw Anton LaVey on Geraldo too, y’know.”

“Okay, you got me.” Eddie throws up his hands. “Twenty bucks and I won’t sell anything to Steve this week. Are you happy?”

“Fine.” Nancy visibly sets her jaw, like she wasn’t the one just accusing Eddie of preying on the weak-minded for sport and profit, and digs a crumpled twenty out of her purse. “Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

“And I appreciate making a sale without even having to move any product,” Eddie says, stuffing the money into his pocket. “Break up with a few more guys, and I might be able to get into Warhammer.”

#steddie #steddie fic #nancy wheeler #eddie munson #billy hargrove #steve harrington #anton lavey #satanism #tw drugs

[ladylingua]

One of the meanest things my mom has ever done to me that I feel fine about now because it is objectively funny if you’re not the one it happened to-

was one time we were at a store and I wanted this pair of boots that were 30% off

and my mom did not feel like buying the shoes for me but also didn't feel like arguing about it so instead of just saying no she told me she would only buy them for me if I could calculate what the actual sale price would be knowing full well I had absolutely no idea how to do that despite the fact that I was well past the age where that was covered in math class,

so for the next half hour she got to shop in relative peace while I sat in front of the boots display on my phone calculator trying desperately to stumble upon the answer, just uncomprehendingly shoving the original sale price and the number 30 together and then dividing them in various ways never getting any closer to divining the true nature of the relationship the 30% had to the original price,

oh that made me so mad, because I fully knew she had no intention of buying the shoes and only said the thing about calculating the price because she didn't think I could do it and was fucking with me, it was such an obvious way to say no but it make it my "no" instead of hers so I couldn't complain about it

I think what makes this memory funny to me now is that my mom is very much a "you can do anything you set your mind to!!!" type parent who tended to veer towards too much positivity, so this particular moment of her being like "you know what, fuck this, I'm going to mess with her now" is a clear aberration . Like "you can do anything you set your mind to! Unless we're at the mall and you're really being a pill in which case I might feel tempted to use one of your deficiencies against you to sidestep listening to you whine about wanting overpriced shoes"

#for the record i can do % now #lol

[leelei1980]

Made for you - Part 8

The Test

TW: talk of pregnancy

Veronica

Maybe it's because I have been super stressed out. That's got to be it right?

I have never, NEVER missed one pill, and my period, that is like clockwork is 4 days late. I am never late. Fuck. FUCK! I am going to have a complete meltdown.

It wasn't even on my radar, I have been so busy, so distracted that I didn't notice.

" Sweetheart, sweetheart?" Eddie stepped in front of me and I jumped. "Baby, what is up with you tonight? You seem, distracted."

I was sitting Indian style on the couch tapping my pen on my notebook clearly not getting anything accomplished.

Eddie squatted down in front of me. "You ok?"

I let out a deep breath. " I don't know."

He ran his hands up and down my arms." What is it babe? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?" A worried expression on his face.

" No baby, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just on the verge of freaking the fuck out. " I paused."I'm late."

" What do you mean ? Late for what?"

" My period, Eddie, I haven't gotten my period. I should have started days ago and there is nothing."

" That can happen sometimes right?"

" Yeah, like when your pregnant." I covered my face with my hands." I have never been late, and I have never missed a birth control pill and I am freaking out "

Eddie knelt down in-front of me and removed my hands from my face. He looked up at me with those big puppy dog eyes." It's going to be ok Princess, don't panic. Ok, so, uh we go get a test, right? We'll get a test and then we will know for sure. "

I nodded and he took my hands." I'm so nervous."

" Baby whatever the outcome we are in this together. Maybe it is just a fluke, if it isn't then we are having a baby." He smiled at me," Would that really be the worst thing in the world?"

" How are you so calm about this?"

" Because I love you, and if the worst case scenario is us becoming parents and having the worlds cutest kid, then I am ok with that."

I looked at him in disbelief. " If that test comes out positive you would be absolutely fine with it?"

" Yes." He pulled me up off the couch. "Do you want me to go get a test?"

" Your so fucking sweet, but no. We are in this together so we will go together."

Eddie pulled me in for a tight hug." It's ok Baby."He kissed the top of my head and gave me another squeeze ." Let's go to the store."

We quietly walked out to the van, drove to the store and paid for the test.

" Eddie?" I said as we drove back to the apartment.

" Yeah sweetheart?" He rubbed my leg.

" I want you to know that I appreciate how supportive you're being."

He looked at me confused, " Of course Baby why wouldn't I be?"

" Because I know lots of guys wouldn't be. I'm so lucky to have you. "

" Awww Sweetheart." He smiled." We are lucky to have each other."

I bit my lip." I also want you to know that despite my total freak out right now, I absolutely want to have a family with you Eddie Munson. It's just I've got my scholarship and school and my career- obviously if I am pregnant I will figure out a way to make it work."

"WE will figure out a way to make it work, we are in this together, remember?"

I nodded and squeezed his knee. When we got back to the apartment I went right into the bathroom and took the test. When I finished I went out and sat on the couch next to Eddie. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. " I think we would be great parents."

" I think so too baby. Your going to be the most amazing dad ever."

" Our babies are going to be awesome, I mean with parents like us, they are going to be adorable little musical geniuses. We could start a family music group, like a metal version of the Partridge family, the Metal Munsons, and us and the kids, Ozzy and Gwendolyn, Axel and Arwen, we'll go on tour and drive around the country in a sick ass bus with lightning or like flames painted on it."

I smiled, he was so goddamn cute. "Four kids?"

" Ok, maybe four is a little ambitious. Two? Two guitars, a bass and drums. You'll play the drums because you look fucking hot when you play."

" Could you imagine a little Munson with my hair and your eyes? "

" Nothing but trouble." He smiled.

The timer I set on the stove went off, and my stomach did flip flops." I'm so nervous Eddie."

" Let's go see if we're going to be parents." He jumped up and took my hand, dragging me to the bathroom.

" We will look together?" My eyes locked on his.

" On the count of three? One, two , three."

Our eyes shifted to the counter and the test. It was negative.

I let out a sigh of relief and looked up at Eddie. I thought I saw a little flash of disappointment on his face, but then a smile. " We're in the clear."

I wrapped my arms around him." Are you disappointed?"

He squeezed me." No darling, our day will come. We've got time. You'll finish school, we'll get married, you'll get your dream job, we'll have babies. There is no rush. But, if it happens out of sequence that's fine too." He kissed the top of my head.

" I absolutely agree. I would be so honored to have your babies someday. Not going to lie, I am pretty relieved though, I just want to finish school. I also want to take advantage of the time the two of us have together. I'm not ready to share you yet."

" I have definitely been enjoying our time together." Eddie smirked at me and squeezed my ass.

" We've had quite a bit of 'together time', that's why I was so nervous. I was afraid that the pill couldn't keep up with us."

He laughed." Does that ever happen?"

" No idea."

He shrugged." So do you want to have sex?"

I looked at him like he was crazy and he laughed.

" I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I guess we are never having sex again."

" Do you honestly think I could keep my hands off you for long? It's just a little too fresh right now."

Eddie smiled down at me." You find me irresistible."

" You know I can't resist those eyes and that smile." I smirked." We had better watch out, if our kids get your looks we are going to be in trouble. They flash those puppy dog eyes and your going to be a goner."

" No way. I'm not going to break."

" You are the biggest softy I know Eddie Munson."

"Not everything about me is soft." He smirked again .

" We are not having sex Edward."

" Edward? Wow you must be serious." He leaned down and kissed my neck.

I sighed." Jesus Christ Eddie. You are insatiable."

" I've got an idea," he whispered in my ear."Why don't we go into the bedroom, slip into something more comfortable and read a couple of chapters of Lord Of the Rings?"

" That sounds wonderful. " I absolutely loved it when he read to me. His voice was so calming yet so animated when he did different voices for different characters. He was an amazing storyteller, that is why he was such a good dungeon master." Thank you Eddie, for everything."

He kissed my forehead. " You don't have to thank me Princess. Come on," he scooped me up and carried me off to our room for story time.

The next day my period started, what the Fuck.

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson fanfic

[astridthevalkyrie]

trauma dump so my dad and i work in the same company right. he sits about twenty feet away from me (yeah it's fantastic i don't wanna jump out the window somtimes at all) but anyways today he comes over to my desk and in english and loud enough that my colleagues could hear he's like "your shower is clogged you need to fix it!" and a. my sisters and i have been telling him this for weeks so the fact that he is acting like he didn't know shows how little he actually listens to us and b. he only knows now bc since her bathroom is being painted my mother took a shower in ours and inconveniences only matter when it's inconveniences for them and c. he could have said this QUIETLY or in URDU and it would be fine but no apparently asking for respect in the workspace is too much to ask for so i told him "can you be a little less condescending about it?" and he got even more peeved and said he wasn't being condescending and was just telling me to clean out the clog (something i didn't even realize i could do like i didn't know i could lift the thing in the shower bc it looks screwed on and he's never told me this before) so i was like "okay whatever" and he walked away and i KNOW at least one of my colleagues overheard bc he joked something like "that sounded serious" so um. and yesterday my mom randomly got pissed at my sister and told me to stop teaching her to blame everything on my mother and i didn't wanna fight so i just said kay and tried to keep the mood positive with my mother because who am i if i'm not playing emotional support eldest daughter all the time and my dad heard the sound of conflict and went into the basement like the bystander and enabler he is!! anyways i have started another keigo fic that will most likely flop as well but idc because i'm having fun writing for him but i'm not having fun at home and i still lack the energy to find a therapist especially bc i know i'd have to pay for it out of pocket and i'd hear it from my parents (SEPARATELY ffs) that they don't think i need therapy but my sister has had trichotillomania for years and they're only now kinda seriously registering her into therapy after being told my several different doctors to do that because she has a fucking ANXIOUS TICK and they just don't see the correlation they don't see why she would have that and my mom keeps calling her crazy as though the woman doesn't have a barrage of mental health issues that she just refuses to address she has a therapist that she chooses not to talk to she takes depression pills she has meltdowns but it's oooover the second anyone else feels an emotion and now (and always) i'm being told that i'm teaching my sister to hate her and disobey her like BABE!!!! you are UNLIKEABLE and there is a reason no one in the house wants to spend time with you!!!! i'm already in this one stupid class that my parents pushed me into that i don't wanna get into but it's so annoying bc it takes up at least two hours aside from my 7:30 to 5 pm shift which if i go into office means i have to catch a 6 am train and be back at like 6:30 pm so i always push myself to stay up as late as i can to get some alone time where i can relax and then i wake up miserable and i push goals for myself to eat healthier and exercise bc i've gained weight even though everyone says i look like i don't eat (i don't) my mom will just randomly make a comment like "i can see your stomach poking out" or some SHIT like that and she's constantly trying to get me to drink her goddamn disgusting homemade mint water that will make my skin clearer and brighter but i like my brown skin and i'm not SELF HATING like some people! and she keeps bugging me to text the lady from this matchmaking service she enrolled me into but i do not WANT to because none of those men will like me because i god forbid put in my bio that i have ideals that i will not budge from and that i am a feminist and i need someone who will respect that i'm allowed to have as much freedom as them and desi men can't stomach that shit so. and my grandma uncle and his two kids are visiting this

(hit the character block limit) weekend and i have to make it into a fun game for my sister to always be around him and interact with everyone bc if me or her try to refill our social batteries in our rooms or interact with EACH OTHER instead of everyone else my mother will think it's the equivalent of stripping naked in front of everyone despite how she embarrasses us every fucking CHANCE she gets especially around her family and my grandma is back to living with us for at least a few months after this which means she'll sleep in my bed which means she'll use my pillows and take up half the bed and every time this happens my CHRONIC BACK PAIN FORGOT ABOUT THAT acts up more than usual so i'm considering sleeping downstairs but i tend to get anxious when i do that i'm just hoping it doesn't happen this time bc i'd rather be depressed as shit instead of anxious and anxiety scares me so bad i get into my own head so easily and i hate taking meds apparently i need vitamin d pills for the rest of my life and taking them makes me feel sick and i don't drink water no matter how hard i try bc the more i drink the more sick i feel and sometimes i go days without drinking water and sometimes i don't eat and sometimes i'm starving but after a single bite i'm full and somehow i'm still gaining weight and i can't expect anyone to care about this constantly because i'm no one's goddamn concern or burden anyways today i'm feeling really introspective and i want to sit with my feelings for a bit but i can't because once i get home (in the train right now) i have to have a one on one meeting with my course instructor and i miss acting but at the same time every time i think of it i think of that horrible incident a few months ago where i agreed to be in the ensemble of wizard of oz and the experience was so bad and the people were so awful and i was the only woc there and they treated me like dirt under their shoe and every time we had a show to put on i felt ill from how miserable i was and now i'm scared all my acting experiences will all be like this and i'm so tired i want to be held and comforted and i want someone to allow me to cry without telling me to cheer up and i want to stop being so nervous every time i meet someone new and i want my skin to be clearer and i want to be healthier and i want my mother to stop abusing me and i want to just sleep in for a whole day and have no one bother me and i want to answer all these asks in my inbox because some are more than a year old and i feel so bad and i go back to school in the fall and i'll be working full time and i can't even say well i guess i had a good break year because i didn't i was working the whole time and i'm almost always around one parent and i want to write without my wrists feeling pain and i want everyone to leave me alone.

#if i don't stop typing i'll spiral in this train and i don't wanna do that

[vldkeith]

Lol did halsey do sth?

no that song just is not klance at all and the only reason people think it is is because it talks about the colors red and blue. but no someone explain to me how "Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so You said your mother only smiled on her TV show You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old" and "You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky And you decided purple just wasn't for you" and "Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans" like explain it to me. go on. tell me about how keith is addicted to drugs and his mother hates him and he has a little brother that wont tell him he loves him. or on the flip side tell me about lance. in fact give me ONE voltron character any of this applies to go on. go on. fucking give it to me. you think these kids didnt have DARE going on at the garrison??? you think they didnt get fucking drug tested every five days because they were in the GOD DAMN MILITARY? you think any of them had siblings that didnt tell them they loved them. or unloving parents. youre a fucking idiot. not this anon this is fine but everyone with colors by halsey on their klance playlist is fucking stupid and im begging them to look at the lyrics and explain to me how any of them apply to klance besides "everything is blue" and "you were red and you liked me cuz i was blue" ILL EVEN GIVE YOU THIS ONE STANZA "You're dripping like a saturated sunrise You're spilling like an overflowing sink You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink" BUT THAT IS ONE STANZA. FUCK OFF. FUCK YOU. I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

#ASKS🌟 #KLANCE #YES IM TAGGING IT KLANCE.

[creepypasta-archive]

Oh, My Darling

by Fringefangirl

A little break from versus to give you a lovely lovely OC. Such a wholesome bitch. You're gonna love her

CW// murder, stabbing, self-harm, mutilation, meta nonsense

Click below to read the original unedited story

Being real, anyone on this website should have at least heard of Jeff the Killer.

Meaning, you've probably also read the terrible remakes of him like "Nina the Killer" and all that nonsense.

Well, guess what. He's real, and I have proof. But I was never an author, sadly, so excuse any grammatical errors.

So it all started when I was younger, nine to be exact. I have always had an empathy problem, up to the point where I was dragged to a therapist by my stupid parents, and put on some stupid medication that only made me depressed. I can't remember what it was or what it did, but it sure as hell sucked.

Many who have heard my story believe my "problem" started because of my perfect sister always constantly upstaging me at everything that honestly meant nothing. She was popular, model-gorgeous and beloved by everyone who met her. Except me. But truly, the origin my problem was so far-fetched and resulted in me never needing to sleep and, fuck, I don't fully understand it.

So, my parents went away for the weekend when I was seventeen and my sister, Amanda, was sixteen. Note that by then, I had learned to pretend I was "cured" by those God-forsaken pills that Doctor Reynolds gave me, so I was in a blessed state of mind where my thoughts were no longer overrun by stupid emotions. I've always been that way, you see? There was no unexplainable "switch" as you'll see in basically every story relating to Jeff, no. I was always a psychopath.

But back to the story, my parents went away and it was just Amanda and I. She was asleep on the top bunk, while I lay underneath, loathing every second of her presence. She woke up and went into the living room, terrified out of her wits about something, but I ignored her pleas as she tried to drag me along, because I have never cared for her.

Whatever I was doing was rudely interrupted by an earsplitting scream that could have only come from my sister. I'm not going to lie, I honestly considered letting whatever scare her continue to do so, thinking it was probably a spider or something pathetic like that, but curiosity drew me towards her sobbing and squeals.

The first thing I saw when I walked in there to this day still brings a smile to my face. There lay my bratty sister on the floor, sobbing as a hooded man pinned her down, dragging a knife across her body. It took me a few seconds, but I soon realized that this was the "Jeff the Killer" that had been haunting the Internet for a while now. I only really knew about him due to the rumors around my school, but that's not really important.

He slit my sister's throat, still not noticing me behind him, and I just watched, grinning in sheer delight as my sister's blood formed in a small puddle around her head as it trickled from the brutal slice in her arteries.

And that's when Jeff noticed me, grinning like a child on Christmas as the lights faded from Amanda's pretty eyes. So naturally, he tried to kill me, as any psychopathic killer would. But he was distracted by... something. I think something was calling him back outside, because he really looked like he wanted to kill me. But instead he swore to be back and ran out through the open balcony-door and jumped over the railing and ran.

The sound of police sirens followed minutes after his disappearance, and I just stood there, staring at Amanda's corpse right up until the police were knocking on the door. Apparently one of my neighbors had called them after hearing Amanda's irritating screams, and obviously I was number one suspect.

My story was that I just woke up after her scream and saw her body, and there were strange, white fibers on her body, plus some other murder victims' blood, probably from Jeff's knife. So I managed to get off fine, and I was almost thrilled to be an only child. But my parents weren't as happy, and insisted on a foreign burial for the corpse of their little princess, because she had always wanted to travel, and that left me alone at home once again, about a month after the incident.

Yeah, my parents were crap, but this was mainly filed under "financial issues" due to the fact that the only reason we didn't travel was the fact that we weren't rich. I'm sure many can relate. So obviously wasting all this money on a corpse was a great idea, but I was glad I wasn't going. I didn't want to go to her funeral and see people crying because of her death, mainly because this was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

And, of course, cue the cliché. Jeff came back! Surprise!

Of course I was predicting it, but when he arrived I wasn't prepared. All I had was the one carving knife that I was using at the time to make jam sandwiches with because the dishes were piling up and I wasn't going to do them just to get a knife for sandwiches.

So we had an amazing fight, where I actually spared him because I guess I felt like I owed him for ridding the world of Amanda. No, I'm not saying I'm stronger, I'm saying I was put in a position where I could have been able to kill him in order to spare my own life, but chose to just let him kill me. But he didn't, God knows why. I bet he wishes he did now. I bet he wants me dead more than anything else now.

No, I'm not Jane the Killer. Jesus, her character is so, so awful, it's so obvious she isn't real. Yes, I did research before sharing my story with the world, but who in hell believes that?

So he basically dragged me out into the forest that was adjacent to our house, and forced me to murder someone. A man. I didn’t want to do it, mostly because I knew I would most likely get caught, but he made me. I had no problems with it, creeping up on him and just stabbing him in the back, and my lack of empathy and other emotions made it okay, but he thought I liked it.

He thought I was like him.

I was only doing it out of self-preservation, but it kept happening. He kept forcing me to murder innocents, and I kept pretending to be okay with it. He almost seemed to grow jealous of my “eagerness” to rip the lives from the bodies of others.

He made me live with him in the forest, hell, he even made me look similar to like him. My messy, brown bob was cut short and is now black, even hair dye runs through it now, my once beautiful hazel eyes a hideous, soul wrenching black. He even somehow got my skin to a ghastly gray color, making me look like a zombie.

I don’t know when he did it. I don’t know how he did it. But I am fucking mad!

I just woke up, dressed in a pretty red dress, a pair of sharpened scissors at my side, and a hideous body. I’m not going to go looking for Jeff; I know that’s pointless and stupid. But now I’m out here and I can never go back.

Everyone should feel my pain. My parents are dead. They didn’t care well enough for me anyway. They didn’t even recognize me when I got to their doorstep, grinning maliciously at them.

Sure, it might not have been Jeff who ruined me, but whoever did, they did a hell of a good job.

I’m not out here for revenge, I’m here as a warning. I suppose since you have now heard of me, you might as well know my name. I am Clementine Grey.

So watch out, when you hear the song Oh My Darling Clementine, remember me. Oh, My Darling is coming for you. Scrawled in messy writing across your corpse, done with the tip of my scissors. Oh, I’m here.

Maybe Jeff will notice and come back for me. Maybe he’ll kill me.

He’s all I have left, in a world where I’m a monster. The two things I long for: death and someone to relate to.

At this point, I almost understand why he took me and forced me to do those awful things. The loneliness he must have been feeling was probably killing him. But now he’s left me, and I am alone.

I would be fine if he had never found me all those nights ago, but now I want nothing more than for him to find me once again. And that’s why I submitted this.

Oh my Darling

Oh my Darling

Oh my Darling, Clementine

Now you’re lost and

Gone forever

Dreadful sorry,

Clementine.

The song will be the last thing any of my victims will here. Imagine if it were you as the victim. You would be there like a flare gun that I shoot in the dark. You would be burned so I could be found.

Please, don’t struggle.

I just don’t want to be alone.

#jeff the killer #creepypasta #fanfiction #jtk #horror #story

[sab3rto0thed]

i think i am the best girlfriend you ever had. i make you wait two hours for me in your car because i don't get out of bed. i cut all of my hair off because i'm feeling angsty and i hate my friends, because they hated me first. i only take pics of my tits after i come out of the hospital for anxiety attacks. you only send me photos of your cock when your family is home. you fantasize about me in every way―splayed, anxious, wanting. you send me a picture half-naked and want an award for not showing me your penis. you already did that last year. you tell me i need a man to take care of me. i buy my own fucking car. you pull me in tight when i tell you i attempted to kill myself last night, and then you give me blackouts for the next two years. you're better at fucking than me, but i'm a good statuette for the boys you let down.

i think i am the best girlfriend you ever had. i hold your hand and make you feel real guilty for dumping me. i wring your pristine neck and break all of your fingers so you can never play the piano again. i tell you about all of the boys that want to make out with me and make sure you know i am using them to use you. i tell you i'll be fine when we fuck and then i don't even let you cum. you should have known better by now, you god damn idiot. i kick you in the chin whenever you put your hands on my waist. i fucking hate you, and that's the only reason we're still dating. i wake up tangled in your sheets and i cry in your dorm while you sleep with your arms around my stomach. you want to fuck me so bad until you actually do. this is how it goes―i am a let down. i did warn you, sweetheart.

i think i am the worst girlfriend anyone has ever had in their life. i wish you would spit in my mouth, if you even care. i make sure to take my jokes too far until you want to hit me in the head and knock all of my teeth out. i hate loving boys. i love when they hate me. my best friends are a union to my defense―they don't pull me in when i write suicide notes, but i don't really write suicide notes anymore. i am the worst girlfriend to them. i cannot make flower crowns and i cannot drive. i am frequently angry and sometimes i smash chalk and tear the house apart in my fury. i used to call the suicide hotline from my closet and get casually sick on the couch. i hate making out but i want to do it all the time. i use all of the boys that like me. i make sure they are second place. truly, i don't need anyone―i just thrive off of attention. it's all a lie. i am an actor, award winning and all of that.

i am fairly certain that i am the worst girlfriend anyone has ever loved. i am not talking about my exes anymore. i say awful things and i am frequently defensive, very judgmental, and high on edibles at least fifteen percent of the time. i tell you my cat is dying and you show me a picture of your dead cat on your lockscreen, and then you hug me really tight. i feel threatened and you tell me that i, of all people, should not feel threatened―i can say fuck off at my corporate job. you'll let me. i need a place to stay and your parents will have me. i need a place to stay and you'll have me. i am cruel. i am mean. i am awful. i am the worst girlfriend you've ever had. i wake up in your bed with my hair standing straight up and you look at me so fondly, i cry. i throw up and you tell me to stop taking pills and that it only feels like the end of the world―you would know, you say, you have anxiety too. we dance around saying i love you because it's a little tricky for both of us, but i tell you you're kind of my dad and you hug me every time you see me. i am the worst girlfriend in the world. i underbake my cookies. my one redeeming trait is that i am loved―irreversibly, irredeemably. i can get away with being the worst girlfriend in the world. in theory, i can get away with whatever i want. i can fuck off. i am, after all, just a girl.

[thesinglesjukebox]

NOAH KAHAN - "STICK SEASON"

Just to be clear, this post was *not* sponsored by the Vermont Tourism Board... [5.10]

Hannah Jocelyn: Noah Kahan snuck up on me -- I first wondered why Ruston Kelly was opening for this guy who I'd never heard of before. I heard a couple of his songs, they were fine! So I ignored him. Suddenly, last year, a friend (a songwriter herself) was complaining about him, asking "What does the 'season of the sticks' even MEAN?" And from then on, he was everywhere, the same way Ed Sheeran was genuinely grassroots a decade ago before he became the eldritch pop horror he is now. Sheeran and Mumford & Sons ultimately gave us the indie folk of Boygenius and co., as well as Taylor Swift's own forays into indie, all of which I either love or respect. I go to open mics and concerts often, and it's a lot of empowered non-men leading the charge; even the guys I see make more interesting music than "I'm so sad, I'm so fucked up."  And now the pendulum's swinging, so now we are back at WGWAGs, and they don't even have the slick production of the Mumfords. I am not afraid of Noah Kahan; this song just sounds like the banality of fuckboys. I am more afraid of everyone following in his footsteps. Bonus point for actually mentioning COVID, though. [5]

Jacob Satter: Back when they were riding the wave of stardom for the first time, I bought tickets to see Counting Crows and a pre-dreadlocked Adam Duritz was going through it. He spent most of the show baffling the audience by lying flat on his back at center stage, talk-singing his way through August and Everything After, genuinely unable to look success in the eye. I take this trip down memory lane to clarify that when I say that every generation gets the self-actualizing folk dorkery it deserves, I'm not exculpating X while side-eying any COVID-worn millennials who embrace Mr. More-Mumford-Than-Mumford here for their mental balm. [3]

Dave Moore: I can google "is Noah Kahan related to Marcus Mumford" (no) but I can't google "do I hate Mumford and Sons" because despite remembering making fun of and claiming I hated Mumford and Sons at the time, I never wrote anything about them. Now that nothing else really sounds like this, I don't mind it so much. [6]

Leah Isobel: At least Mumford & Sons had the showmanship to drop an f-bomb in the midst of their self-regarding self-flagellation. What does Noah have? The word al-co-hol, leaden and imprecise and sung like it's an unbelievable blasphemy? Grow some balls, dude. [3]

Alfred Soto: He's so earnest that he acknowledges a drinkin' problem and the existence of COVID-19 and must sing as if he wants Mike Posner to sell him a pill to take in Vermont. [3]

Thomas Inskeep: His voice just oozes earnestness, and no, that's not a good thing. But strummy guitar guys never entirely go out of style, do they? If his success makes a Lumineers comeback happen, I swear to God… [3]

Lauren Gilbert: Yes, I could write a snarky review that this is a song for girls who haven't yet left their Folklore era.  And that's true enough; it's a pretty standard folk pop, with too many words pressed into too few lines, the murmurings of someone who spends entirely too much time in their head.  But it's also a pretty good instance of the form.  It has more of a hook than Bridgers, and it's less likely to put me to sleep than Clairo.  And it does feel like the season of the sticks -- like driving my parents' car through the hills of Virginia, dark, leafless trees silhouetted against a grey, featureless sky, thinking only of the person not sitting in the passenger seat. [7]

Mark Sinker: What if “season of the sticks” but it’s good not bad? (It’s such a gorgeous phrase to attempt to use as a negative… ) Plus Noah’s breath control seems kind of terrible -- the snatch at air plus his kinda squeaky voice makes him seem way younger than he even is (which is already way young), and sorry teens but that really dilutes the resigned agony he’s going for here. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: "I've been called the Jewish Ed Sheeran," says Noah Kahan on stage, with apparent regularity. Cheap heat, sure, but it's also self-deprecation as brand-building, aimed at propping up a certain persona by playfully prodding at the weaker and more exposed parts of it -- and suddenly I'm not just describing the stage banter but also the music itself. Kahan spent much of the last year collecting enough guest artist remixes for an unplugged No.6 Collaborations Project, but one of the few Stick Season songs to remain untouched by this process was the title track, which says something about it. It says that this is the anthem, the legacy definer; this is his own private Vermont, and no one but him (and a sold-out arena crowd, inshallah) can ever do it justice. With some reservations, it's deserving of this pedestal. And no, those reservations have not the slightest to do with Mumford & Sons, who are overdue to be treated as a normal, middling rock band and not a portentous class enemy. When teenage Mumford fans were listening to "Hopeless Wanderer" back in 2012, I imagine many of them were playing in their heads the kind of diaristic scenarios that Kahan sings about here, replacing grandiose Biblical allusions with only slightly less grandiose relationship angst. That was always the correct reading, and one can't fault Kahan for opting to cut out the middleman between his and his audience's experiences. "COVID on the planes" is the line that most loudly announces this isn't your father's indie folk, and it's the kind of lyric whose currency will only grow with time, like the transistor radio in "Brown Eyed Girl" or the satellite radio in "Sequestered in Memphis." At the other end of the realist-romantic spectrum, there's "might not have but I did not lose," a waist-deep k?an that's perfectly befitting of a future dorm room staple. Also fitting the dorm room vibe, less fortunately, is the way the phrasing in the chorus is awkwardly chopped up so as to min-max its drunk singalong value, with the line about alcohol of course being the worst offender. It's a testament to Kahan's affability that I want to forgive his more sophomoric tics -- I mean, who wants to be the one to interrupt a drunk singalong? [7]

Nortey Dowuona: When did Noah Kahan develop talent, and why wasn't it with Joel Little? [9]

Joshua Lu: "Stick Season" starts off as a earnestly mopey torch song, with a steady stream of metaphors and rhymes about his post-breakup blues. The causes and effects of this despair are presented straightforwardly, earning an almost comical feeling: the mom forgetting about him entirely, the excessive drug and alcohol use, his victim complex. It's in the second verse, though, that the song takes an interesting turn into self-reflection: "So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad / That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from Dad." That same chorus rings differently in this new light, creating an image of a once-fixed man who has returned to his broken default nature, and whose internal sadness was only buried, not cured, by being with the one he loved. There's something quietly devastating about how resigned he is to his fate -- how he knows that he can't heal his pain, only dampen it with the memory of a time when he couldn't feel it. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: A [2] or an [8] depending on how much this alerts your anti-Mumford and Sons or anti-Lewis Capaldi radar, and whether or not you have a soft spot for self-deprecating white men telling jokes and making confessions at their own expense. We’ll skew higher since this has aged surprisingly well. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I’ve heard this around seven times and I’m not exactly sure what he’s singing about, but I like the texture of his words as they spill out of his mouth. Kahan will let a syllable last just a bit longer or shorter than I expect, all while singing fast enough that he feels like he’s uninterested in easy signifiers of the contemplative. The banjo feels like a cheap way to keep the song interesting; he doesn’t need it when every guitar strum is so propulsive. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Loses me after that banjo riff comes in two thirds of the way through. Everything before that is charmingly middling, everything after makes me want to place the entirety of New England under cordon sanitaire. [2]

Will Rivitz: I also love Vermont, having grown up just outside of Boston, and have to admit Kahan's bitter and self-deprecating narcissism quite poignantly encapsulates the sense of drifting listlessly and peevishly through New England's dreary December, mired in one's own solitude and the inexorably self-centered trappings that accompany it. His lyrical acumen is, however, not quite sharp enough to justify exhuming the stomp clap hey brouhaha previously left to rot alongside the word "hipster" a decade ago. If he thinks it appropriate to hire a mandolinist, maybe you were right to break up with him. [4]

Rachel Saywitz: “Stick Season” is a haunting masterpiece, and a triumph for Noah Kahan -- with just a folkloric guitar, illuminating banjo, and a steady kick drum, he traces a love lost with a traveler’s bent and a timeless seasonal metaphor. Wait, this song takes place in Vermont? Wait, he’s American? I can feel the spell breaking, the cloudy haze over my eyes that always appears when I’m listening to mediocre folk-pop by European singers is dissipating. Okay, sorry. Back to normal now. Going to review this again. “Stick Season” is some Lumineers-ass sounding shit. Grow up, stop being a whiny lovesick boy, and pick up an English accent! [4]

Ian Mathers: I'm so pissed that 1. "stick season" is not a reference to hockey which part of my brain irrationally insisted it was; 2. this tweet no longer applies to me. I gave that up for something that's just deeply mediocre, not even entertainingly bad. That the Olivia Rodrigo cover is… fine indicates my problem is less with the song (not bad, kinda standard) and more with Kahan's excruciating indie folk dude presentation. [4]

Will Adams: Outside of a terribly dull EDM feature, I had not heard a single note of Noah Kahan's music until now, so every time I saw his name I would think, "Oh, he does that one song, like 'lady, running down to the riptide, da-da-da'" before correcting myself. Listening to "Stick Season," I wasn't far off: anodyne stomp-clap folk complete with banjo. Instead of a rousing singalong, however, we get a winter doldrum mope-fest where the more a clever line is repeated, the less clever it seems. [4]

Katherine St. Asaph: Big junior-year busker energy. I hope the quad found "once you called me forever, now you still can't call me back" as clever as he does. [4]

Isabel Cole: Mumford-lite, nasal whine, uninspired lyrics: sure. And I, who tend towards particular indifference in the face of men with their guitars, should of all people be somewhere between immune and repelled. But this one fucking got me, I don’t know. There’s something about the unrelenting quickness of the verses, the way it slips heedlessly along axes of register and mood and scope: from the mannered poetry of “all the miles combined” to the indignantly conversational “like halfway through the drive,” from self-pity to self-recrimination, from daddy issues to drinking the pain away. It plunges into melodrama -- “I’m terrified of weather” -- and pivots to a gag, funny enough and also true, about air travel in the era of COVID. He says he’s stuck, and I believe him not because of that line but precisely because the song refuses to alight on any particular complaint for long.

That’s what it’s like sometimes, when you’re in the long process of reconfiguring your life around an absence you never planned for. You scrabble for purchase amidst the concrete and specific, saying all the useless sayable things because the whole truth defies articulation. Your petty irritations and psychological fault lines alike draw you right back into the vortex. You do see him in the weather, which is a way of saying you see him everywhere, and also that you never realized your block had a particular smell in spring until one April morning you found yourself thinking of him and realized it had been a year. You dream a version of him and wake up unnerved and you don’t know if what disturbed you was what the dream got wrong or what the dream got right. You can’t believe you can't talk to him when your uncle dies and when #FreeBritney goes mainstream and every time Marvel puts out a new terrible movie, and in the peculiar gravity of loss these things feel somehow equally consequential.

You wash the dishes and listen to a song that rattles off all these different ways to miss someone and you wonder how long he’ll be the person this type of song makes you think of, and you think about how much he would hate it, how mean he would be about Noah Kahan’s hair, how you have to look up every time if it’s Noah or Noel but you’re still crying at the kitchen sink, how much of your taste was his taste first, how you lost two people, really, because he took with him the person you were when he was here. I am no longer funny, ‘cause I miss the way you laugh. Your head says this is a generous [5], that it’s neither special nor smart enough to quit while it’s ahead, that while the line about being half a heart is trite but serviceable, the clarification of “the other half was you” is unforgivable, truly, taking you out of the song every time. Your heart thinks that so many of the funniest things you’ve ever said were things you only said because he was listening. Noah, not Noel, drops the strumming to sing that line about Vermont one more time and in the emptiness around him you can almost hear the whistling northern wind, the sound of a world turned brittle and cold. Stupid. These fucking songs always do that. It’ll be four years come April. You put the dish in the rack and wipe your eyes with your wrist and before you pick up another dirty plate you hit play one more time. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#noah kahan #music #music writing #music reviews #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

[astrumavis]

Ramble, cw for vague medical talk

I wanted to contact my doctor to talk about some stuff going on with me for which she told me to do if nothing changed since the last time I saw her. I was busy and being forgetful, so my parent took it upon themselves to "arrange everything for me." Which I didn't want, to be clear. I very much wanted to do that myself. Now, without getting to properly sit down and talk to my doctor, I'm supposed to take these pills everyday for 3 months to see if they work.

I'm having a lot of second thoughts cuz I haven't gotten a single good reason why I should take them. I wanted to have an actual meeting with my doctor and talk to her about the how's and why's, but things happened and I didn't get that.

Cuz the thing is, is that I don't think? That my day to day life is bad because of the way my body works right now. I just don't know if it's gonna get bad or have negative consequences if I go on like this. Like, I'm perfectly fine the way it is right now, and the only reason she was contacted is cuz she told me to. From my perspective, the burden of proof (?) Is on her to explain to me why the hell I should even WANT to take this and fuck with how it is right now.

I think I'll try to arrange at least a talk over the phone. Unless she can give me valid reasons beyond the : Well it's just bad and it shouldn't be like that" I've been getting from other people, I'm not taking them. Thats that.

Ugh

#cw medical talk #vent

[redemptioninterlude]

five times protective (ling & rue)

5 times ... meme ( no longer accepting ) + @sunxsin // ling five times the receiver was protective of the sender

They're just kids when they meet. But also not, with Ling having come to Nevermore Academy as a transfer, already so charming, so geared up for socialising that it's almost as if he'd been there all along with the rest of them. But of course it's not like that for everyone. Madison, for example, seemed to take EXTREME EXCEPTION to his presence, always ever acidic even when he was just... well... breathing. Which she's all too happy to say was too much for her to have to cope with in terms of his existence. Which is kind of too bad because Rue thinks she really likes having him around, which she argues as much in a back and forth with one of her closest, given her distaste shown so nakedly when Rue said she was going to go meet with him. A shirt's pulled over her head, looking a little bothered for the conversation - "He's really not that bad," the scepticism is probably what makes her anxious, more than anything. "I mean sure he's like... screwing around with some people but I'm not interested in him like that." lying through her teeth, but... it's fine. It's fine, right? "I think he's just really fun to hang out with."

Fear strikes within the both of them as the door flies open. It's Rue and Ling within her room, and the window's open as they lean into the frame, nothing but 14 and a few pills in each. But more importantly, there's a joint between her fingers burning, her head turning to spot his father's glowering expression, the smoothness of his voice when he turns to look at her mother, her father, the three of them crowding at the doorway. "I've come to collect my son," as if it were the most natural thing, and there wasn't an undercurrent of rage that laced between each word. "IT'S MINE-" the words are blurted all too quickly, Rue knowing that she's gonna catch shit for this, but she'd rather that then the alternative that comes from Ling being the one to get caught here. While he never really talks about it, there's something that plays out like nerves and terror when it comes to his father, the way he tries to be casual about it, but... well. Rue's seen enough ugliness in life to know what's not right there. "It's mine. Sorry. I like... made him do it." that she'll take that grenade, why not? It's not as if her parents could see their option of her sink any lower.

Features pinch - and maybe she thinks that she heard wrong, letting her features screw for a moment, tighter, twisted, before letting it lax. "... what did you say just now?" because it COULDN'T BE THAT, the boy standing by her looking a little bit startled to see Rue standing there, that look on her face beneath the exhausted bruising of tiredness beneath her eyes. She's never been known to really say much at parties, even if Rue Bennett's a fucking fixture, and the guy that he was standing with glances between them, as if gearing up for something to go down, as he fumblingly says that that shit was gay, and Rue, she already knows what he's talking about. With Ling who's there wrapped around his newest whatever and they're drinking off in another direction, she's so rarely ever reactionary, her fingers uncurling from where they wind tight into a fist, reaching out and seeing him flinch as she brushes off something after a pause from his shoulder. "Have you ever seen an addict snap?" her smile flickers dangerously, like a promise beneath the false warmth of it. He shakes his head, suddenly nervous. "... if you don't want to? Then kindly shut the fuck up. Nobody really wants to hear you running your mouth like that, you homophobic piece of shit."

"I don't want you to kill him..." there's nervous still that jangle within her chest, teeth pulling at her bottom lip. Anxiety making it feel like a war inside of her whenever she caught him looking her way, how everyone other than Madison already seems SO COOL with him so she doesn't know... what the hell to do about that. But frankly, she knows that she doesn't know what else to do, Rue's dark eyes flickering back and forth from her seat, to his. "... I guess he's sorry. Like. He keeps trying, but I just don't know what to do with it. So in the end it's like. Do I just keep trying to avoid him or... should I do something about it? I don't really know what to do with all of this, and my heart just kind of hurts." everything knits through her expression, a thousand feelings at once. "But I really like him. Still. Maybe that makes me really dumb? I mean. Everyone else seems to have heard from him but me. So it's like. Maybe he doesn't really mean it. I think I'm just... confused about what I want. Or maybe what he wants. Because I think I'll... like even with everything, I think I still really like him and I don't know what to do with that feeling."

There it is. When he looks at her from where he's done up that line. What's up with your boyfriend, anyways. And Rue's brow furrows because like, WHAT ABOUT HIM, teeth gnawing on her bottom lip. "What... Ling? He's great?" a halfway confused sound out of her as he makes a more annoyed comment that Rue could do better, couldn't she? Because she was all annoyed, wasn't she, about the fact that he doesn't want to talk to her about whatever's going on with his dad, and Rue almost asks how he knows that... until she remembers she's gotten like super high and just cried about it, like a fucking jackass. Still. "I don't know. Like. Everyone's got their own shit sometimes. It's not just black and white and easy. And like. Sometimes there are things about loving someone where... where like it's just hard, you know? And I don't... like it's not enough for me to stop loving him. It's just... he's not ready to talk about that. And that's okay, right? Maybe he's just hasn't figured out the how. I trust him. And that should be enough."

#sunxsin #❝ r. bennett ❞ ┆ meme reply ┆ everything feels so permanent ! #❝ r. bennett ❞ ┆ horror verse ┆ trying to outrun your anxiety !

[chaoticgenders]

No one will take us seriously.

it kinda upsets me to know that no one will ever give me the accommodations for my disability. there's days i cant stand and literally cry if i stand too long, there's days where i can only think of my back and the pain spreading through my body, legs, sholders, and neck. some days there's nothing i can do, no pill or icey hot will help.

i just need to sit or lie down. walking and standing isn't gonna fix my issues when its the cause, i'm 100% sure that if i lost weight that wouldn't fix it (please stop telling me that), no amount of stretching will calm it down, and NO i'm not fucking lazy.

i have no aids, so i feel extra fucking fake but even if i got the aids i feel like i'd still be faking because all my life i've been told i'm overreacting. "just go walk, you'll be fine" "just take ibuprofen/tylenol/[insert drug here] and youll be fine" "you're overreacting, you just need to lose weight."

no one listens to me and im so angry over it. my parents dont even wanna believe the concept im mentally ill and have (C)PTSD from them i shouldn't be surprised they wont believe me when i say i'm disabled. my parents dont believe DID exists, why should i believe that they'll know and believe i'm disabled.

the main reason im scared to get a job, is because of this. i'm both mentally and physically disabled. if i got a job i know i'd have to act non-mentally/physically disabled which is hard, because it's a fucking disability. but ik i'd be fucking harassed and mocked, i did in highschool when i used the elevator (they (students) called me too fat to use the elevator and said the stairs are there to help me. the faculty also didnt allow people to use it if you didnt have a wheel chair, crutch, or some form of physical aid, or a note from the drs (which i cant go to cause i have no insurance) so i got in trouble a lot by staff too which made everything worse because they never listen to me.)

im so upset right now, i know when people look at me they're gonna expect me to be able bodied like they are. i'm not. stop trying to put these fucking expectations on me when there's days i cant fucking get out of bed without crying.

#chaos chatter #tw vent #fuck ableists