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dorotheajanegilmore · 5 years

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Devil’s Daughter

Previous: 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,

Chapter seven

I had been staying with the Winchester's for just over two weeks now. My purple case looked great against the brown walls of the guest room, really made it feel like home.

The first night I stayed at the bunker (Before visiting parents in NY)

"Sorry it's so plain." Sam has said when he first brought me in here.

I shrugged. "It's much better than my dorm."

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah I know how ya feel. Stanford."

"NYU." I admitted and he nodded with an impressed face. "Creative writing."

"Law."

I cringed. "Smarty pants."

Instantly an attractive smile broke out across his face and he shook his head, blushing wildly. "No. I never graduated."

"I don't think I will either, at least not yet." I told him truthfully.

"I hope that decision isn't because of us? I know how it feels to have your studies cut short and if I could go back..." Sam paused before he shook his head, laughing at himself. "I actually wouldn't go back."

I laughed at his honestly and shook my head. "No, I've been contemplating dropping out for a while. This whole angels exhausting and paternity testing is just the push I needed."

"Right." Sam wondered over to the bed and sat down beside me. He looked at me with a face of concern. "How are you feeling? Honestly."

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded. I let out a deep breath, letting my shoulder sink. "I feel...like it's not real. I haven't thought about too deeply or really acknowledged it properly. I know that's not healthy but I just don't know how to accept this. My family life has always been rocky, my mother hates me."

Sam recoiled and pulled an offended face, as if I had just delivered a blow to his stomach. "I'm sure she doesn't hate you." I knew that his situation was difficult at the moment. Dean told me that their mother was trapped in some sort of apocalypse world.

"Don't defend her, I promise. You'll see tomorrow, she hates me." I emphasised it again but he shook his head, not having it. I decided to just continue because there was no way in changing his mind. "So, how did Dean recover so quickly? Those guys tortured him too."

Sam shifted on the bed and adjusted his watch on his wrist. He was clearly uncomfortable the way he was sat because his legs are way longer than mine and even my legs ached. We were both sat criss cross and I couldn't take it any longer.

I moved to sit at the edge of the bed, Sam sighing in relief and copying me as he answered. "Castiel healed him. Dean was supposed to save you from those guys but they ended up injecting and torturing him too. Demons aren't really fond of us, we've made a name for ourselves as hunters and they didn't know he was working with Crowley."

I nodded understandingly. I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought about asking the next question. My curiosity got the better of me and so I asked. "Did you, do you and Dean think I'm evil?"

Sam thought for a moment, before gently taking my smaller hand in his larger one. "I won't lie to you. When Rowena told us that Lucifer had a daughter and we needed her help...I definitely believed you to be evil. I thought that we were gonna find you at a bar murdering people or eating babies." Sam laughed at that last part.

“Why eating babies?" I tilted my head to look at him, confused as to where he'd get that from.

"Because ya'know, Lilith eats babies? At least in mythology and all of my text books-"

As Sam rambled on I looked down at the ground. I had forgot about Lilith being my true mother, I was so busy worrying about the devil I forgot about his first demon.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Sam put a gentle hand on my shoulder and I shook my head.

"It's not your fault, Sam. I just can't believe I'm not a product of Christian and Rose. That Hallie and Alex aren't my blood related siblings. They'll always be my family, regardless of what a test says but I had that I don't have an actual connection to them. I hate that my blood isn't their blood. I hate that my blood is...evil." I sobbed as the word evil left my mouth.

Sam shook his head and wrapped his big arms around me, pulling me into him for a supporting hug. I cried into his red plaid chest as he held me tight. "You're not evil, Elle."

"You don't (hicup) know that!" I shook my head, feeling him hold me tighter. He began to rub his palm up and down my back, as if he was soothing a crying baby.

"No I don't, you're right. But if raising Jack has taught me anything, it's that we can't make quick assumptions."

———

Present day

(Two weeks living in the bunker)

I sat in the library with a book under my nose. Every waking moment of the passed week has been spent reading up on Lucifer, and learning my powers.

So far I have discovered my psionic energy blasts can be used in blasts, streams, waves and bolts to move things, lift and even throw things. Allowing me to hit, push or pull a target, potentially exerting enough force to destroy them. I had also improved my telepathy, I can control when to and when not to listen to thoughts so I could actually focus now.

As I was reading about Lucifer's cage I felt a presence enter the room. I was already on edge from all of the reading, Satan's not a happy guy. Feeling threatened I spotted a pair of scissors on the end of the table and used my new found powers to lift them up and send them at the person watch me.

As I span around, hands glowing red I realised who it was. Dean was stood at the door with wide eyes and hands held up in the air alarmed.

The blade of the scissors, surrounded by red wisps, hovered just inches away from his neck.

"I didn't mean to scare you, little red." He pushed the scissors away with his index finger. They landed in the floor with a snap and I sighed in relief.

"Dean, sorry about that." I felt immediate relief, so happy that it was him and not some creature I had been reading about. I cringed, hoping he wouldn't be to mad at me. "I'm reading about monsters so I'm a bit on edge.

"A bit?" He smirked, amused. He pulled out a seat opposite me at the table and sat down. "Is that why I was nearly executed in my own home?"

I nodded and slid the book over to him. I pointed at a paragraph and he quickly skimmed over it. It said;

The powers of a nephilim would be to great to raise such a creature on earth among mortals. A human woman could never contain a baby nephilim for very long as it could tear them apart. A nephilim will grow at rapid speeds, much faster than a human woman's body could contain. Once born a nephilim will reach adulthood within a matter of hours.

"Yeah." Dean nodded, confirming that the information in front of me was in fact correct. "Jack was born and within twenty minutes he looked like he was twenty years old.

"So how come I have baby photos? Actual picture evidence of me growing through the years. Every birthday party photo shows a year of progression. Am I slow? Am I broken?"

Dean chuckled at my outburst and shook his head. "Elle, there's never been an angel, demon cocktail baby. You're the first. Perhaps Lilith's genes are much slower."

"Or." Came a Scottish voice from the doorway. Rowena stood with a mischievous smile on her face as she danced her way over to the table.

"Perhaps I did a wee spell to aid in your human growth. I was there when Lucifer chose your parents and he made sure that Rose would be strong enough to encapsulate you for nine months, not to raise your relatives eyebrows at a two month unholy pregnancy. The spell made sure that Lucifer's child would grow as a normal human until she reached adulthood, then her powers would slowly blossom. That's why it's important that we found you." She lifted her martini up as if to cheers us before taking a large sip.

"I thought you want me to put him in a cage?" I raised a brow, wondering why she was adding to her story now.

Rowena shrugged. "That’s for the after party. Once we’ve rescued Mary from the apocalypse world, you and Jackie boy can work together to put him in a new cage, a stronger sturdier cage. Come on, had I told you this earlier you would’ve been overwhelmed and scared away. We need you, Red.”

Dean shook his head and pushed the book away. "Damn it, Rowena! Any other information you'd care to share?"

Rowena bit her lip and tapped her finger against her chin in thought. ”Aside from Lucifer wanting Jack and Elle back? No, not that I can think off.”

Next: 7

Tags: @lilulo-12 @vicmc624

#dean winchester #dean winchester fic #dean winchester x ofc #x ofc #x reader #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #spn #supernatural #sam winchester #castiel #rowena #lucifer #mary winchester #dean winchester x reader

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bountyofbeads · 5 years

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Is Trump a Rapist? https://nyti.ms/2X0thfr

What is astounding to me is the fact that we are talking about the @POTUS and rape in the same sentence, and it's hardly breaking thru!! How low America has fallen!!😢��😭😭😭

"If what’s quoted below is true, Trump raped a woman in NYC in 1995 or 96. There is no time limit in NY on criminal prosecution for rape — even if the woman doesn’t call it that, even if the perp becomes president, and even if 60 million voters don’t care." Lawrence Tribe @tribelaw

Is Trump a Rapist?

America needs to give these women, and the accusations they’ve brought forth, the full attention they deserve.

By Charles M. Blow, Opinion Columnist |

Published June 26, 2019 | New York Times | Posted June 27, 2019 |

I am simply disgusted by what’s happening in America.

My political differences with this president and his accomplices in Congress — and now on the Supreme Court — are only part of the reason. Indeed, those differences may not be the lesser reason, and that, for me, says a lot.

For me, the reason is that the country, or large segments of it, seems to be acquiescing to a particular form of evil, one that is pernicious and even playful, one in which the means of chipping away at our values and morals grow even stronger, graduating from tack hammer to standard hammer to sledgehammer.

America, it seems to me, is drifting toward catastrophe. Donald Trump is leading us there. And all the while, our politicians plot about political outcomes and leverage. Republican politicians are afraid to upset him; Democratic politicians are afraid to impeach him.

One thing that should never be underestimated is a politician’s clawing instinct toward self-preservation. These disciples of flexibility have learned well that the trees that remain standing are those that bend best in the storm.

Trump is to them a storm. But, to many of us, he is desolation, or the possibility thereof.

But, because nothing changes, because he is never truly held accountable, too many Americans are settling into a functional numbness, a just-let-me-survive-it form of sedation. But, that is where the edge of death is marked. That is where the rot begins. That is where a society loses itself.

Take for instance the latest sexual accusation against Trump: Advice columnist E. Jean Carroll alleges that Trump sexually assaulted herin 1995 or 1996 in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room. Carroll doesn’t call it rape, but rape is what she describes.

Carroll writes that Trump “pushed her against the wall, pushed his mouth against her lips, then pulled down her tights, unzipped his pants and forced his ‘fingers around my private area, thrusts his penis halfway — or completely, I’m not certain — inside me,’” as The New York Times reported it.

Don’t just keep reading. Don’t just think that you’ve heard this before. Don’t just think that this kind of “behavior” is baked into how people feel about Trump. Go back and read that last paragraph. Read it slowly. Place yourself — or your mother, or your wife, sister, daughter, cousin, girlfriend or friend — in that dressing room. Imagine the struggle. Imagine the violation. Imagine the anger.

And now remember that the alleged perpetrator is now the president. And, remember that Carroll is by no means alone; a chorus of other women have also accused Trump of sexual misconduct.

But, Carroll’s account stands out for its brutality and severity.

And yet, her account landed like one more body on the pile in a mass grave: reduced by the multitude of other accusations rather than amplified by them.

There was media coverage of Carroll’s accusation and social media discussion of it, but it never truly sufficiently sunk in and gathered the gravity it deserved.

Then Dean Baquet, executive editor of The Times, even said this newspaper “underplayed” the article it published on the accusation.

And Trump, in his swelling depravity, responded to the allegations by telling The Hill: “I’ll say it with great respect: Number one, she’s not my type. Number two, it never happened. It never happened, O.K.?”

Well, sir, which type for you is rape-worthy?

To you, America, I ask: What is the breaking point? Is there a breaking point? Does nothing now matter that used to matter? Do we simply allow this accusation to pass like all the others, using the limping excuse that whether or not the man who sits in the Oval Office is a sexual predator or not, he was sufficiently litigated in the 2016 election?

A sickness has settled on this country. We are stuck in a stupor. People have settled in themselves that the only remedy is at the ballot box in 2020, mostly because that is what they are incessantly being told.

And just a few days on from the rape allegation, the news of the moment has shifted. We eagerly anticipate a sorting to emerge from the Democratic debates, anticipate Robert Mueller’s testimony before Congress and anticipate Trump’s performance in Asia.

There are other crises, other emergencies, other traumas. Trump is waging war on immigrants, waging war on the environment, and has hinted at waging war on Iran.

How to weigh one woman’s tale of victimization — or that of multiple women — by Trump against a world being driven into chaos by Trump? Mustn’t our concern shrink relative to our concern for the rest of humanity? In a life in which the human capacity for outrage is limited and wanes, mustn’t we aim it at the most egregious offense?

I say that this allegation, if true, is the most egregious offense. Not the most deadly or having the most consequences for future generations, but absolutely the most revelatory about character, privilege and abuse of power.

This would be an act of the most intimate violence performed by the man who is now president himself, flesh to flesh, not with the numbing distance of a signature on an executive order or an offense screamed out at one of his rage rallies.

This president acts as if he is above the law, or is the law. He lies and he cheats and he bullies. He is hateful and rude and racist. He talks about women to whom he is attracted as if they’re objects to be possessed and about women who dare to challenge him as enemies who must be destroyed.

Carroll’s allegation fits the behaviors that have been established or alleged. America owes it to itself to deeply ponder it, and possibly hear sworn testimony about whether it’s true.

Or, conversely, America can simply sleepwalk its way to the polls in 2020 hoping the world is still intact when it opens its eyes.

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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July 1st-July 7th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from July 1st, 2019 to July 7th, 2019. The chat focused on Obelisk by Ashley McCammon.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Obelisk by Ashley McCammon~! (http://www.obeliskcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until July 7th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Why do you think Evelyn isn’t fond of David’s new fiancee? As the wedding approaches, how do you think David’s changing life status will affect Evelyn? Further, how will it affect her relationship with David?

Eilidh

My favourite scene is... Many of them But one that sticks out is just the one after David reveals he's marrying Alice when Eve says to herself "Your brother is getting married. And what are you doing...?" With her expression on the last panel it just... It conveys the feeling of being queer and feeling different so well to me, just by the dialogue and expression. I can recognise how she feels and I know I've felt that way in the past, and that's good storytelling.

Eilidh

As for why Eve doesn't like Alice... have to think about that. But I get the feeling it's related to her having been the big sister and looking after him for a long time, and now that's changing (another feeling I can indirectly relate to) and she's not sure how to deal with that big a change? And Alice could be seen as the cause of that

draculing

My own favorite scene is probably the whole end of chapter 1... finally being able to give people a peek into Margot's private world but I made all of them so I have a bias

Eilidh

That's definitely a very good scene

I just... Eve's quiet panic about normality just really hit me as something I've not really seen so well shown

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think Evelyn’s father was up to regarding the properties with missing documents? Is it just Margot’s property, or do you think there are more out there? How could this come back to help or hurt Evelyn?

Zidely

I'm kind of like David a lot. Perhaps because is the litle brother, but also the his personality, linda bubbly to me. And Evelyn of course! A modern woman indeed.

Absolutepsycho

At the moment it is hard because it's between Eve and Margot. For Eve it's really understanding where she is coming from especially dealing with all levels of grief ( loosing a parent, her only blood family getting married) on top of recognizing and being herself through her queerness. ( i hope that makes sense). I also understand the anxiety of like figuring it all out as an adult and having it together.

As for Margot it is really the representation piece cause i love spooky things and it is so refreshing seeing someone who looks like me or i can relate to take on a spooky role. In addition, someone who is self assured and confident and doing her thing. I love Margot for bringing that forward.

As for q 4. I really think her dad was working with all sorts of people ( supernatural included). he could of just been helping out people who couldn't afford properties and who knows maybe be someone's familiar and we don't know that yet. But I am pretty sure there are other properties out there that fall under the vampire category. Margot can't be the only Vampire in all of NYC, but ultimately I think it can both help and hurt Evelyn. As with any decision especially in a horror sense it can be in a grey area.

It can help her build resources and allyship but it can also be a downfall because one wrong move and it could lead to a disaster or even her demise

Attila Polyák

Let's see... Favourite scene. That's without a doubt when we're entering a vampire's lair shop. Even if that place was not related to a vampire, it's still brimming with the mysterious, so it's a place I'd like to see more of. I might be really off with relationships and all, but I kinda feel like Eve's major problem with Alice is that the marriage will also mean the end of her Big Sister status, which is mostly what her life seemed to be since their father, based on the flashback, sees to be someone who chose work over family. Donno... I'm probably off here.

Attila Polyák

Also favourite character: Pete. No bullshit, just getting things done. On one hand I'd like to see him moved by some supernatural stuff happening, on the other I totally expect him to be like "Been there seen that, nothing special." which I totally expect to be the case since he does have a connection to Eve's father and all... And then talking about her father. I'm pretty sure he dealt with the supernatural a lot and that's also the reason why some documents are missing. When supernatural events happen in a story it's often being intentionally kept hidden from the general public, as a matter of fact I have a sneaking suspicion that his work was directly connected to keeping all sorts of magical being within human society but still under cover. I think something might have gotten awray while dealing with either Margot or some other vampire he was dealing with before he died.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What do you think brings Margot to Evelyn’s town? Is it just a typical move, or do you think Margot is there for a specific reason? Further, what might Margot’s status as a vampire have to do with anything?

Eilidh

Illustration: the last page of chapter 1. So striking, the way Margot's hair isn't distinguished from the shadow is just mmm it's good

As for why she's moved.... She doesn't seem like the type to start and army of the night, so maybe it's just easier to hide in a big city. And the more people there are, the less obvious it is when they start dying

Favourite character... Dean. Mostly due to word of god information such as his dream is to run a bakery which I support wholeheartedly, he deserves it

Eilidh

And I think there's definitely more "missing" properties out there, I wouldn't be surprised if several of them belong to Margot (there's enough Dracula vibes going on after all) The supernatural lettings agent theory is pretty neat... I was personally thinking he's working mostly with normal human clients but somehow Margot got involved. Whether he was okay with this or got dragged into it, I'm looking forward to learning. But I definitely wouldn't be surprised if Margot had something to do with his death, and I definitely think his death is among the reasons Margot is now in NY.

I'd be inclined to say the missing properties are deliberate or the work of someone else since we're told that Eve's father was the organised one (like Eve is), so it seems less likely that someone with a reputation for keeping things in order would just lose a bunch of records. Then again, working with Margot or other supernatural clients might have started taking a toll... Who knows

Eilidh

That all said, he was involved with Peter Murphy who as well know, is no good

I'm just rereading some pages and I'm getting pretty certain that Peter Murphy is either well aware of what he's doing or doesn't care

Like... Margot knows Eve's father is dead, I know Eve mentions it but Margot knows him on first name terms and no one else has said his first name afaik, and she doesn't seem surprised at all. Someone had to have told her, and Peter is their "mutual associate"...

RebelVampire

@Eilidhan You definitely read that scene way differently than I did. I didn't get the impression that Margot knew, more that she just didn't care. I got more the impression that she's so used to being a vampire, some mortal dying isn't really that surprising or a big deal. But my point being I enjoy the alternate interpretation.

1) My favorite scene is the one when they enter the shop. This is largely due to the dramatic tone shift when Margot starts affecting Dean. Like both between the illustration work, the suddenness, and so forth, it really added this great horror vibe that put me on edge. <3 2) I think there's two things going on in terms of why Evelyn doesn't like Alice. Part of it I think is as everyone else said, it's kind of destroying Evelyn's role as a big sister, and nobody likes change all that much. The second thing I feel is going on is that maybe David just isn't that into Alice. Not to say he doesn't care, but for someone getting married he was immensely and overly casual about it. Like he was telling Evelyn he was getting the oil changed in his car. So while I don't think they have a toxic relationship, I kind of get the impression that their relationship lacks passion and David is with Alice for other reasons. Reasons that Evelyn knows and hates because of societal expectations. I don't think it'll have much affect for Evelyn though anytime soon, mostly cause she has vampires to deal with at the moment.

3) Dean, because Dean is a sweet boy who just wants to help his family. But then keeps meeting all these shady people. He's like an innocent blossom waiting for the innocence to be sucked dry from him. 4) I think Evelyn's father was straight up just helping supernatural people, mostly vampires, get properties under the table. Cause I imagine as a vampire even if you have money, you don't necessarily have identification or anything else that most realtors would want. So Evelyn's father took pity on them and helped them get some properties and kept law enforcement off them. Definitely do not think it's just Margot's property though. There are gonna be more properties an more vampires, probably also not just through Evelyn's dad. Inevitably, I feel Evelyn is gonna be in a lot of danger. Because Margot seems pretty ready to hurt Evelyn, or at least expose her to a world Evelyn is prepped for.

5) Definitely the page for the end of chapter 1. I really the bold usage of the red and the body language of the victim. There is something horrifying about it all together, which is definitely the mood I want to feel when vampires are involved. 6) I kind of think Margot's presence is just for the mundane reason of neeeding to move. Cause I can't imagine as a vampire you'd stay in one place too long, so moving around a lot is for the best. So it was just time for her to show up.

Attila Polyák

5, Favourite illustration. Hmmm... Margot's portrait image on the cast page, if you don't know why, just hover over it. ^^ 6, As boring as it sound I don't feel like there's anything special here. Needs to move once every while, since... You know... Being a vampire and not aging and all... Kinda' like in Man from Earth.

draculing

the hover animation on the cast page breaks very often because wordpress hates it, so I'm glad to know it works at least for some people ^^;

draculing

I love when people love Dean just because he's a sweetheart, and I will confirm the word of god Q&A thing that not everyone may have seen, that he does want to open a bakery one day

if only there weren't vampires happening

Eilidh

Okay so the hover animation has NEVER worked for me so I just turned off my adblock to check it and nearly jumped out of my skin(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What role do you think Dean will play in regards to Evelyn’s story? How will his brief encounter with Margot continue to affect him? Further, what do you make of Dean’s phone call with Angie who is estranged from the family? Why is Dean still helping her?

Eilidh

I really love Eve and her friends

They just have a really authentic feeling of trust and caring and I really enjoy it

draculing

Ooo an Angie question curious what everyone thinks

I really love including Eve's friend dynamics... making sure there's a sense of queer community/safety in a historical setting is really important to me as a creator

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. How do you think Evelyn feels about her place in life and the society she lives in? Do you get the impression she’s an outcast? Regardless, how do you think these feelings have and will continue to influence her actions?

Absolutepsycho

Eve and her friends has to be my favorite dynamic thus far alongside the one scene with her and Margot. It just sets the mood of how their dynamic is going to play out and and the interesting part about it is that it can go so many ways, which makes it great.

As for Dean I feel he will be a center or semi-center part to her story, for the sole fact he is somehow connected to Margot. I have this gut feeling Dean is going to become a familiar that didn't want to be one in the first place. As for his sister, I think Dean is trying to bring family peace or trying to bring her back because he gives off 'family guy' vibes and he is such a wholesome cinnamon roll. So of course he would want to mend things because he loves his family

to answer 9. Not sure if this counts but I would love to know how Vera, Bess, and Eve met since they are so close. Friendships and normalcy within horror contexts are probably one of my favorite themes

10. Evie I see that she feels like she belongs but at the same time she feels doesn't. We see that in the first few pages of ' oh what are you doing with your life?' It's more than the anxiety of figuring it out, but the fact her only remaining family is going to get married and while she could find a partner and do those things it isn't widely accepted or would be 'odd' cause she is queer. While queer folks thrived, in that era it wasn't as visible and Eve could be feeling that 'outcast' notion. While she has wonderful friends to support her and is very head strong those feelings are may influence her actions to work harder, which is good and bad.

RebelVampire

7) Honestly, this is gonna be a strange choice, but Evelyn and her dad's old co-workers. Cause this is just flat out a subject I never see explored. When people die, stories almost always focuses on close friends or family and how the death affected them. Yet, there are a slew more people affected that are never talked about. So the fact we get to see through Evelyn how her dad's co-workers are holding up in a business setting and learning about Evelyn's personality that way was really novel for me. 8) I feel like Dean is gonna be the one to raise red flags and say, "Hey Evelyn. Margot over there is a vampire or something. Maybe lets not and just hide." Cause Dean strikes me more as the type to be the voice of reason in the face of things that scare him, compared to Evelyn at least. Thus he will be a grounding force in her story to kind of spell out the dangers for both her and the reader. As for Angie, I assume she did something culturally and societally unacceptble. Like fell in love with someone the family didn't like. Got knocked up as a teen, etc. etc. As for why Dean is helping her, probably he just has a more modern and progressive viewpoint than his parents (for the historical time at least). Which is generally how life works and society progresses. So instead of being mad, he just says whatever man this is

9) I really love the use of red in general in this comic. It's always used in such a bold way that really stands out. Plus, nothing like having a mostly black and white comic show some red blood. Drives that terrifying nail right into the soul. 10) I feel like Evelyn exists in this weird purgatory of belonging and not belonging. Since it's obvious she stands out in certain ways for the society, yet I think most people wouldn't think anything of it without getting to know her. But regardless, I think that makes her feel lost. But also helpless, cause I feel like she also has no clue how to address these feelings emotionally. Thus just buries it in other concerns so she doesn't have to confront her own personal feelings or consider the future or anything like that. As such, I kind of think this will be a driving force as the story continues. As she takes risks and does other things, just so long as she has some escape from having to think about the question of what she's doing with her life.

draculing

Eve definitely sits in that kind of in-between space! for a woman in the 1900s she fits quite a few kind of stereotypes appearance-wise, too, which.. adds another little layer to things

Burying your problems in work, and other tales as old as time

Attila Polyák

7, I'm a bit thorn on this, either Eve and her friends or Eve and her father's co-workers. I'm leaning towards the latter, but I'm not really sure why, I can't really express what I liked about their little banter, but I was quite fond of those pages. 8, Dean is probably going to be fairly important later on and for several reasons. First he kinda has become intertwined with the evens because of Margot, but even if that wasn't the case his interactions with Eve and the fact that he's the only connection she can reach that has anything to do with the house with no documents are more than enough reason for him to be around plotwise. Aaand since he and Pete moved stuff there and the entire situation gave him the creeps and kinda legit suspicions, this looks like the perfect situation for him to intentionally or not, push Eve into a direction where she'll be more interested in the supernatural. And I totally expect that she will some way pull him alongside herself while plunging into supernatural business, a bit like an unwilling sidekick.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you believe that Margot and Evelyn will meet again? If so, whose terms will it be on? If they do meet, do you think Evelyn will be safe, or will Margot aim to harm her in some way to keep secrets hidden away?

draculing

What if they never met again...

Eilidh

They'll definitely meet again, I think it'll be on Margot's terms (after her "she wouldn't just forget it, would she?" comment, a bit ominous)

Absolutepsycho

11. The strengths that this comic possesses is telling a fantastic story through a historical, horror, and queer lens. Mixing genres' is a challenge, but the story seems to balance them all so well that it continues to pull it's audience back in.

12. Oh they are for sure going to meet again, because Evelyn is trying to piece things again and while Miss Margot was not to friendly Evelyn is persistent to get the information and her work done correctly. As for her doing that no doubt Margot will grow annoyed at her and may plot to attack her or set up plan 'kill her' because secrets are meant to be kept as secrets. However, if she does make a plan i feel it will ultimately may fail, because maybe an agreement will be made. We will see(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Overall, what obstacles do you foresee Evelyn having to face in the future? Given the comic is classified as a romance, what do you see in regards to Evelyn’s future prospects (if any)? What other things do you hope to see as the story continues?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's most abundant strength is tone shifting. Like one minute you're just in a quirky in silly scene but then whoops, serious emotional drama or terror or something else. Be able to pull off sudden tone shifts like that is extremely hard, especially in the face of trying to make something seem like a consistent story. Yet this comic pulls it off spectacularly because of the story context and the balance between the tones used. 12) I mean Margot seems bent on hunting Evelyn so umm, yes. And it will definitely be on Margot's terms. She'll be like "I want to apologize over totally not dangerous tea" and Evelyn will be curious and agree. I don't think Evelyn will be complete safe. I think it'll work out where Evelyn will leave in tact cause conscience will stop Margot, but I don't think Margot will let the issues drop so quickly.

13) I am looking forward to seeing Margot for because I'd like to get to know her more. Like right now we see suave and spook vampire, but I'd like to see the more vulnerable and, for lack of a better word, human sides that must exist within her. 14) Obstacles wise, I think I've mentioned it several times, but I do believe Evelyn is gonna get pulled into more supernatural danger. And part of it is just going to be because of her own desires to avoid her problems using distractions. However, I think she's gonna run into other problems too. Like maybe finding out she super really didn't know her father as well as she thought, maybe dealing with the fact businesses are not easy to maintain even with help. In the terms of hopes to see, I really hope we get to see Evelyn interact with the historical setting more, if that makes sense. Both in mundane and serious emotional drama ways.

draculing

aw man @RebelVampire I'm really happy to hear the tonal shifts work for you! I feel like horror (and really any story, but horror is sort of.. an extreme) really needs this.. sense of normalcy, almost boredom or banality to it. Characters need to have their boring, every-day "normal" in order for something abnormal/supernatural/frightening to really have impact later on

plus I love creating goofy little interpersonal moments in general :>

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Obelisk this week! Please also give a special thank you to Ashley McCammon for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Obelisk, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.obeliskcomic.com/

Ashley’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/obelisk

Ashley’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/draculing

Ashley’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/draculing

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #obelisk #ashley mccammon

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lets-steal-an-archive · 5 years

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Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled “Road Music” features

or, if you want to know why I can’t recommend this book (which I bought, used, using my Discover cashback bonus, so my actual out of pocket cost was $1.48), just start reading...

Zubernis, L. (2017). Road music: "A Single Man Tear" from Supernatural: The Musical. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

People crave belonging and acceptance. Written for Supernatural’s 200th episode, the song refers to the fandom’s love of Dean Winchester’s complex negotiation of repressed masculinity and overt emotionality, as evidenced by scenes in which one tear escapes and rolls down his cheek during an emotionally powerful moment. Within the fan community, that is referred to as the OPT, or One Perfect Tear. Such in-group references are markers of acceptance within the group.

Kus, E., Dickson, C., & Scarlet J. (2017). Road music: "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Healthy relationships -- including friendships, romantic couples, and families -- need trust and commitment. If trust is broken, individuals may become less satisfied with a relationship, feel less committed to it, or consider severing it altogether. When Dean returns from Purgatory, he learns that Sam did not try to find him. Dean is angry with his brother, feeling betrayed that Sam did not try to help him.

Taylor Kester, L. (2017). Road music: "Bad Moon Rising" by Credence Clearwater Revival. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Those who lose a parent at an early age can grow up to feel like the worst, most horrible things will happen to them, at times due to their own behavior and self-fulfilling prophecies. One parent dies, the remaining parent checks out emotionally, and the child is left to navigate the world on his or her own. For some, this can be distressing, lonely, and daunting. Sam and Dean build a bond strong enough to withstand their own bickering and any other loses that might come their way.

Morales, D. (2017). Road music: "Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door" by Bob Dylan. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Parentification is the act of placing a child in the role of a parent. That child is burdened with responsibilities that should be that of a parent, such as caring for younger children. As he always has taken care of his younger brother, it is no wonder that Dean’s version of heaven is being able to watch Sam enjoy his childhood, evidently by blowing up a field with Fourth of July fireworks.

[Road Music: chapters 5, 6, and “Final Word”]

Adams, T., & Scarlet J. (2017). Road music: "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Learning to name and understand one’s thoughts is key to many therapeutic interventions and can be especially important following a traumatic event, such as accidentally letting Lucifer out of Hell. Cognitive therapies examine a person’s errors in thinking, called cognitive distortions. Cognitive therapy allows individuals to examine their thoughts in order to change the cognitive distortions (for example, “All angels cannot be trusted”) into more adaptive thoughts (e.g., “Some angels cannot be trusted”). Through their experiences, Sam and Dean learn not to make such generalizations about angels, monsters, demons, and even God and Lucifer.

Parris, L. (2017). Road music: "Burnin’ for You" by Blue Oyster Cult. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

The Winchester brothers’ near-eagerness for self-sacrifice can be associated with their childhood trauma experiences, particularly incidents of emotional neglect. John Winchester’s inability to attend to his sons’ emotional needs is, in part, responsible for Sam and Dean’s continued success in saving the world through self-sacrifice because it leaves them with a lingering need to do things for others.

Boysen, M., & Goodfriend, W. (2017). Road music: "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

According to Erikson, we struggle to make healthy choices at major life crossroads, including our own career path. People who frequently change jobs may have a low level of career maturity, which can lead to a life of confusion and second guesses. After dealing with so much darkness, Sam decides to walk away from the hunter lifestyle. Leaving Dean to continue on by himself, he tries to forge a normal, more conventional life. Sometimes, stress in life -- something the Winchesters have in spaces -- leads to narrow limits, or a motivation to be content with a small and humble piece of the world.

San Juan, B., & VanPortfliet, P. (2017). Road music: "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

A common feature of traditional conceptions of masculinity is aggression. Cultural stereotypes normalize the solution of male-male arguments through the use of fisticuffs, rather than conversation. Sam and Dean have sometimes settled their arguments by physically fighting each other. However, as their bond grows throughout the series, we see that expressing their emotions becomes easier for them. It’s important to note that they also playfully slap or punch each other at times, which is a socially accepted way for men to show affection for each other.

Mastin, J., & Blake Erickson, W. (2017). Road music: "Heroin" by Velvet Underground. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

The song “Heroin” by Velvet Underground has been an ode to living with substance abuse since it was released in 1967. Heroin is a highly addictive, opioid drug. Opoid addiction -- including both legal and illegal opioid use -- is widespread. In 2015 alone, 33,000 US deaths were attributed to opioid overdose, the most of any year on record. Few scenes encapsulate both the rapture and desolation of substance abuse as well as the scene showing a desperate Crowley injecting himself with human blood, set to this song.

Schaffrath, S., & Blunt, C. J. (2017). Road music: "Rooster" by Alice in Chains. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

“Rooster” by Alice in Chains plays as the Winchesters salt and burn the body of Nurse Glockner, whose ghost they have been asked to stop by a Marine Corps buddy of their father’s. In the context of the scene, the song punctuates the brothers’ removal of a threat and refusal to give up. However, “Rooster” has a deeper meaning. Guitarist Jerry Cantrell wrote the song for his father, a two-tour Vietnam War veteran, whose nickname was the “Rooster.” Rather than the immediate effects of war, the song was meant to address the long-term consequences of combat, specifically the baggage that soldiers are unable to leave behind on the field of battle. Thus, “Rooster” foreshadows the cost of the Winchesters’ endless war against supernatural evil.

Scarlet, J., & Busch, J. (2017). Road music: "Lonely is the Night" by Billy Squier. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Loneliness is associated with increased risk of depression, anxiety, and addiction. Loneliness can also make the individual less likely to seek, accept, or recognize the availability of social support, potentially creating a viscous cycle in which feeling alone makes it harder to connect to others. When the Winchesters capture Crowley and isolate him in the dungeon, he begins to feel lonely. Because Sam repeatedly injects captive Crowley with human blood to make the demon become more human, it causes Crowley to struggle to manage his emotions and to feel disconnected from both humans and now demons, too. Both the feeling of loneliness and low perceived social support are associated with increased risk of risky behaviors, such as substance use and suicidal behaviors. Loneliness and disconnectedness might inspire even someone as powerful as Crowley to end his own life.

Langley, T. (2017). Road music: "Peace of Mind" by Boston. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Living with a burden of mental illness obviously makes it difficult for many people to feel at ease in life. The slow pace of progress can be frustrating, even disheartening. The longer the problem lasts, the harder it becomes for some people to listen to others’ recommendations and to make the choices necessary to help them reach a brighter place. The clear majority, however, do get better, and that fact itself can offer some reassurances.

Mastin, J., & Blunt, C. J. (2017). Road music: "Cheek to Cheek" by Irving Berlin. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Humans find both pleasure and release in skin-to-skin contact. When we touch, the hormone oxytocin, colloquially referred to as the “cuddle hormone,” is released, encouraging both physical and emotional bonding. Irving Berlin’s “Cheek to Cheek” is evocative of the pleasure stimulated by physical touch, but when this song is sung by Alastair before his torture, the effect is eerie rather than erotic.

Garski, L. A., & Mastin, J. (2017). Road music: "Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

The monomyth can be found in stories across time and space; humans are hardwired to understand the framework of story. Dean Winchester says that one of his favorite songs is “Ramble On,” which draws on imagery from another famous Hero’s Journey, The Lord of the Rings, as it describes a cyclical journey without end.

Currie, E. (2017). Road music: "Won’t Get Fooled Again" by the Who. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

The monsters use the cognitive biases of humans to hide and hunt among them. When confronted with unavoidable proof of the truth, some people will integrate that truth into their understanding of the world, assimilating new information to fit existing schemas (patterns of associated ideas) instead of altering schemas to accommodate discoveries. After experiencing loss at the hand of monsters, characters such as John Winchester, Bobby Singer, and Sheriff Jody Mills can’t go back to their prior innocence, and so they get involved in the battle against the supernatural.

Jordan, J. S. (2017). Road music: "Born to Be Wild” by Steppenwolf. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

As Sam and Dean drive their Chevy Impala through small-town USA, they are constantly surprised by the behavior of demons and angels -- and even themselves. As a result, they become increasingly metacognitive; that is, they begin to have thoughts about their own thoughts, including the unconscious assumptions they make about the worthiness of demons, angels, and themselves. Regardless of any resulting guilt or remorse, however, their compulsion to confront the world as it is and protect others from the things they don’t want it know pushes the brothers back into their car and out onto the open road.

Wesselmann, E. D., & Nairne, J. S. (2017). Road music: "(Don’t Fear) the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult. In T. Langley & L. Zubernis (Eds.), Supernatural Psychology: Roads Less Traveled. New York, NY: Sterling.

Contemplating our morality and what (if anything) lies beyond death can provoke intense existential anxiety. The Winchesters face reminders of morality such as lethal threats, corpses, murders, and otherworldly beings (e.g., ghosts, reapers, angels, and demons). Research indicates that religious or spiritual beliefs, especially belief in afterlife and therefore some kind of continued existence, can help reduce death-related anxiety. The Winchester brothers are not particularly religious, but at various points they visit Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven, thus confirming that an afterlife exists and probably emboldening them to face death willingly to achieve their goals.

#wank adjacent #acafandom #music in the narrative #psychology #in theory #in reality #what are they writing about #and how is it related to how the song was used #on the show #the one they are supposed to be writing about #i am a confusion #it hurts us #just this will tell you if you should bother reading it #i was reading it for the lulz #and i struggled #it was that bad #the pages are covered in my snark #long post

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #164

“on my forehead, a birthmark; remove it with a kiss of the knife, even if it causes me to die.”

Do you look like your mom? I'm told I do, but never seen it? Then again I'm bad at noticing subtle facial differences. When was the last time you overslept? I never have a time I need to get up now, so, couldn't tell you. What would you do if you could do anything without failing? Hm. One thing? That's tough. I guess... ride a rollercoaster without getting sick or, y'know, dying? I really, really wanna experience the adrenaline, but. Name something that happened to you that was completely unexpected? Bitch I don't even think my mother believed I would get over Jason. I feel like anyone who knew me well would've thought I'd never actually heal. Do you judge people that have multiple piercings? As if, when I want a lot. Have you read the Bible? Little of it. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away? Depends on the size of the cage, if they're destructive when alone, and how long you're gone. Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" by SwS screams. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless it's a doctor and I ask or if I'm asking Mom if I look like I lost any. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Sometimes. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Go to sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I dunno. How long did your last feelings of heartbreak last? Like a year and a half. Do you ever have difficulty opening pill-bottle caps? Rarely. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? No. How vivid are your memories? They can be extremely vivid while others are totally blurry. What is the worst question that someone could ask you? If I was offered a certain cold medicine. Or if someone asked about my left wrist. One would probably make me cry, the other would bury me in embarrassment. Have you ever ridden in a car with someone who was high? The driver. I was fucking terrified. That gets your ass in jail here. Who is the best hugger you know? I dunno. Sara and Girt both give great hugs. Juan did. I just like hugs okay. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I are desperately gonna try for Metallica in January. She literally cried and laughed hysterically when she found out they were coming; it was the sweetest damn thing I'd ever seen. Always told her we're going before she dies, and I plan on ensuring that. It's her dream. The tickets are just unsurprisingly more expensive than the average concert with who they are. What is the longest you have ever slept? Around 12 hours. Have you ever had to be put to sleep for an operation? Yes, tubes in ears and cyst removal. Have you ever had to clean up someone else’s vomit? No, and there is no fucking way I ever could. Human or animal. I would puke. Do you have any friends that are more than 2 years younger than you? One off the top of my head. Have you ever kissed some one with braces? No. Have you ever been able to do a split? Nope, not even when I was in dance. Are you intimidated by the last person you know talked badly about you? Embarrassingly, to some degree. Now in my defense, I'm afraid of most people, but she is a witch that fires straight for your insecurities, and I think it's pretty clear that I'm extremely sensitive. Have you ever cried in school? In the bathroom, I know I have, but I think I probably have teared up in class. What is the most times you have thrown up in one day? I dunno, maybe 4+ when I've had a virus? Last person to say your name? Mom, probs. Are any of your siblings married? Two are, no clue about Tiffany. Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you? I'm aware she has, but I'm sure I probably did too when we were both asshole kids lmao. Who was your closest friend 4 years ago? Are you still close to that person? Colleen, and no. Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened? It was one of the reasons I broke up with him. Is there a certain song that never seems to get old, no matter how many times you hear it? I will always be in the mood for Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge." Do you like to have croutons in your salad? Ugh no. Which do you find more irritating - sunburn or bug bites? Sunburn. What shape/type of fry do you like best [waffle fry, curly fry, steak fry, sweet potato fry, tater tot, etc.]? Hmm maybe curly. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 114. What pet names do you use with your significant other? OH GOD. "Honeybee," "pretty woman," "love(ly)," "sweetie," "hun(ny)," "babe," "baby(girl)," and yeesh probably more. Do you carry any means of protection on you while out in public? No, but I do plan on getting pepper spray once I'm more independent/on my own. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? Nooooo I ain't dyin' today. What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you? I was once in great shape oops. What’s your longest road trip? I can't recall if Florida or NY was longer... Do you have any videos on your phone? If so, of what? Yes, the video that Sara sent me of Jem reaching for her. Actually the most precious thing I've seen. Do you think that your bedroom is a reflection of your personality? Or would people look at your room and misjudge you? Sure. Who would you really like to become better friends with? Yeesh, a lot of people... Mostly old friends. Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos? Yeah. How big is your bed? Queen. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Do you think it’s important for children to have a father figure in their life as they grow up? Gave some thought to this, and no. It's preferable to have two parents, but who says gender really matters? Just give the child two caring, unwaveringly supportive adults that can both teach them different things. Tbh I think having gay parents would allow you to grow up more open-minded anyway. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Only if I'm supposed to. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? Yeah. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yes. If you could have one more pet, what? One more python morph. Something you want to buy real bad? A drawing tablet. Something you would NEVER buy? Traditional mouse traps came to mind first. Inhumane as all hell. Now those that get them caught in a box, sure, because it in no way harms them. Just take them outside, asshole. What do you think will happen when you die? Hopefully, go to a positive afterlife of peace. It'd be amazing if you saw Heaven as you've always pictured it, but who knows how that works. I just about actually pray that you see loved ones again. Could you wait until marriage for sex? I could, yeah, but I'm pretty sure I dropped the abstinence thing. How would you describe your sense of humor? Dry and incredibly sarcastic. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Do you currently have any bruises on your body? No. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? A good number, yeah. A solar one? No. :c Do you know anyone who writes huge essays when they message you? Yeah, I don't mind! Show interest in talking!! Do you think your first love still loves you? Definitely not. I don't think he has a spot for me anywhere in his heart, really. Are you someone who has to analyze everything? Hi, I'm Brittany. What’s the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Mom popping up at my door talking when I had NO clue she was home. Do you have any awkward music downloaded on your iPod? I have "Daddy" by PSY can I jump off a bridge now. Have you ever been to church? What was it like? Yes, and it's something I've never enjoyed since being a little kid. Even in my more religious phases, I didn't enjoy it. It's boring and revolves way too much around "God is in control of everything," which sorry, don't believe so. Has a member of the opposite sex ever seen you naked? Yes. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? No. What articles of clothing have you been wanting to buy/did you buy recently? BITCH let me be small enough to wear gothic-looking corsets like I am TURNED ON. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. If you could either be fire resistant or breathe underwater, which would you rather be capable of? Hmmm fire resistant, I guess. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yup. If you have any piercings, who did them? Claire's and then two parlors here. Do you know someone who had completely changed for the worse when he/she started hanging out with another person? If so, who? HAHAHAHA JASON. He got closer to the ego-fueled Dillon, and then he began to change. Have you ever been pulled over, but just let off with a warning? No. Do you like mash-up songs? Occasionally. What do you consider to be a bad grade? For me, a low B. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted kids, probably not. I don't think I'd be the appropriate guardian for one with severe disorders. Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it? Probably. Are you more comfortable kissing a boy or a girl? No preference. Have you ever kissed someone and hated it? He kissed me, but it was legit awful. Who in your family is the hardest to please? Grandma. Would you ever pierce your “private” areas? *holds out holy cross @ parlor* What type of humor do you find funniest? CLEVER. And, surprisingly, self-deprecating if you cast it as confident. I just like when people are able to joke about themselves. NOW, this is a sense of humor to be careful with of course, but some can use it hilariously. What types of things fascinate you? WOWIE SO MUCH!! Caves, outer space, how spiders design webs, lightning bugs, abandoned buildings and shacks, animal behavior (especially w/ social species), witchcraft, the paranormal, and... wow, so much more. The universe is just incredible! What kind of place would you want to raise your children? Answering for if I actually wanted them: Out. In. Nature. It's a shame how reliant we are on technology - myself included -, so I'd want my children to know true fun and knowledge is found outdoors. Teach them an appreciation for the outdoors and the creatures we share this planet with. So I'd definitely want to live out in the woods more than I naturally do. Has your father met the boy you currently love? *girl, but yes. Haven't directly asked him, but I'm quite sure he likes her. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad? Probably Dad. He's easier to get along with, very fun, and then I just don't get to see him nearly enough. What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Don't know much about any, but I know Charles Manson was all kinds of fucked up. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? Written. Do you have the same color hair as your siblings? Yes. Do you have the same color eyes as your siblings? Only Bobby. What is your favorite type of cat? Persian. What’s your opinion on tattoos in the workforce? How about piercings? JUDGE BY WORK ETHIC, NOT HOW THEY FUCKING LOOK. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not? If you have a problem with a mother feeding her hungry child naturally, I don't want to know you. At all. This is a "controversial" topic where it is only black and white: You're either an ignorant ass, or an intelligent human being that knows what the hell breasts are for. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? My sister's husband, probably. He's against just about everything about me, and his judgment is pretty damn intense. I don't go to church, my hair "isn't feminine" like it "should be," and I'm in a gay relationship. I'm aware he doesn't like me even though he tries to put on a nice face. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Ha, shave my legs. What band would you most like to meet? Lemme meet Ozzy before he passes away 'cuz I need to THANK HIS ASS, plus he cracks me up. Do you have a least favorite day of the year? Not particularly... Well, I realized this year now that I'm healed that Jason's and my anniversary date gives me anxiety. I look back at just how demolished I was and wonder what it would be like if I never got help. 99.99% sure I'd be dead by now. Do you want someone you can’t have? No, I have her. :''''') When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Over a week back. I legitimately wanted to punch her. When was the last time you totally broke down? It's been awhile. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? No. Do you ever listen to country music? It is rare as fuck if I actively look for a country song. Would you have sex with the 5th person on your text inbox? WELL, she's a minor, so, but she's also not my type romantically. She's a lil sis to me. Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yes. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? No. What are you listening to right now? "Mutter" by Rammstein, ahhhh it's gorgeous & I wanna make a character influenced by the concept. Are you afraid of death? Not really. Do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? Fuck off. Have you ever drooled in public? Maybe? I don't recall a situation. Have you ever been bitten by a dog? No. Would you ever shave your head? The one and only situation I could see myself doing this is if my child had to have this happen for cancer or something and they were self-conscious, so I'd do the same. Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? Yeah, I used to love playing with chalk. What is the worst possible way to die? Maybe burning alive. Or getting slowly eaten alive. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? No, I don't mess with them. They scare me. Would you ever meet someone you met online? Already have, and there's more I'd love to meet. Have you ever kissed the TV? Not to my memory. Would you rather visit a sunflower field or a pumpkin patch? Sunflower field. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? Yes, the day of or a couple after Dad left. I found a patch of them, actually. When you’re being kissed, do you like it when they hold your face? Yeah. Explain why you stopped kissing the last person you kissed? Well she had a plane waiting for her lmao. If you were on life support, would you want to be taken off? YES. FUCKING PLEASE. DO NOT LET ME SUFFER LIKE THAT. Who was your first kiss? First person I romantically kissed on the cheek was Juan, Juan was the first to kiss me, first *actual* kiss was Jason. What’s your favorite form of dancing? Modern. Make it some sorta creepy and creative shit. What’s the most disturbing thing you’ve ever been through? Hmmm. I guess uh. Obsessive and invasive thoughts? Have you ever been to a race track? (horses) No. Are you good at braiding hair? Don't even know how to. Or are you into PETA and all that? They're too extreme. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I already have one, but I don't even want it anymore. I have ideas I like more for them. It's my ohana one, but that's not really a suitable one for me? Family via blood, you're an ass? I'm not associating with you. "Family" by intense friendship, that ends if someone turns into an asshole too. Probably gonna end up getting it covered. Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Yeah. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Sara and Mark. No seriously, there will probably be at least a small one there. Do you wake up cranky? Rarely. I can be if someone wakes me up, though. I'm generally okay when I wake up naturally. Do you get offended if someone repeatedly checks their mobile phone when you’re out for lunch or dinner? Like non-stop, I'm not offended, I just think it's pretty rude. Who is your favorite character from Friends? Don't watch it. How would you deal with a significant other who cried all the time? Try my absolute best to help them. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I hate that stuff. Tastes like poison. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yup. Do you have any trophies? Yeah, in "treasure boxes" as we call them for sure. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, I hate that shit. So petty. Rate your self confidence: 1 being insecure and 10 being cocky: Like... two or three. Does your family have a secret? Not that I know of. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are you in shape or more out of shape? HA. Do you have sympathy for those who hurt you? I guess it depends. Do you spend too much time at home? I'm just about a hermit because I have *nowhere* to go. I don't hang out with people, don't have a car. It sure is fun. Do you require visual assistance (i.e.; glasses or contacts)? I have glasses. My vision is atrocious without it, right eye especially. Ever held a newborn animal? Kittens, yes. Have any unpleasant public transit stories to tell? No. Are you afraid of failure? Yep. Have you been called a bad influence? Only by Colleen's mom, that I know of. Apparently me hanging out at the house and talking to and helping his mother whenever she needed it as well as always smiling at him was just awful for Keegan. What about Chinese food? Love it or hate it? Not a fan. All I ever like are fried rice and eggrolls. Do you get stage fright? When I was a dancer, I really didn't. Now if I was alone, probably would. Any current family issues? When is there not at least slight issues. Nothing big, though. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? She's not my friend anymore, but Colleen. I haven't hung out with a current friend in many, many months. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? YES!!! Literally never forget this. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Extreme loneliness. What is the last movie you watched all the way through? Slender Man. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No. Do you feel like nobody understands you? The only two that I believe certainly do are Sara especially, but also Mom. What’re your plans for today? I have therapy at four, got a shitload to talk about, and after that I have to take my files there to vocational rehab. Maybe drive around to look for photograph opportunities if Mom's up for it. That's it. Do you have a common first name? Very. I'm thankful it's a name I actually like, though. Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? Knew someone. Do you like spicy chips? Omfg YES. What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? *former friend, Shrek. Her son loves it so we watched it almost every time I was over and bitch no complaints. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Two, then another if you count my shoulder. Do you own a tea pot? No. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's. I remember it because mine's Feb. 5th, then all I need to know is August as hers is August 5th. I know Dad's is in April. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Well we were right outside an airport.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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nealcassatiel · 7 years

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1. Allen Ginsberg, Castiel, and Buddhism: the similarities between Ginsberg and Cas

In THIS POST I discussed the links between the famous Beat literature novel On The Road and how Sal Paradise (Jack Kerouac) and Dean Moriarty (Neal Cassady) were inspirations for Sam and Dean, and that Neal Cassady was very similar to Dean Winchester. So Kerouac and Cassady were huge figures within the beat generation, however another key figure was Allen Ginsberg. At the end of that post I discussed the on-off sexual relationship between Neal Cassady and Ginsberg which I will continue to discuss here. In this post I am going to discuss how Ginsberg can be linked to Cas and what this means.

I am going to split these series of metas/discussions into a few parts. This one will be about Cas and Ginsberg. I will then go on to discuss Cas and Buddhism in another post. And then will narrow down into discussions of Buddhist theology and its links to Cas’s arc. This first post will have to be rather general. Allen Ginsberg has been my main research focus for 6 years and I have spent the past 4 years studying Buddhism. It would bore you if I made these posts ridiculously detailed, so I will just be fairly general. If anyone would like to know more, ask more specific questions, get reading lists, or ask me to back up my assertions with sources then I am more than happy to do so. But seeing as this is tumblr and I won’t be submitting this to an academic institution, my citations will be few and far between.

Irwin Allen Ginsberg was a 20th Century American poet, born in 1926 and died in April 1997. He was a leading figure of the beat generation of writers who were most prominent in the late 1950s and early 1960s. The Beat Generation of writers include Jack Kerouac (who wrote On The Road), Neal Cassady, William Burroughs (who wrote Naked Lunch), Allen Ginsberg, and others including Gregory Corso, Gary Snyder, Diane DiPrima, Michael McClure (side note, I once met Diane DiPrima and Michael McClure and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over that. It was amazing. I talked to McClure about when he shouted poetry at some lions. I digress). Ginsberg’s most famous peom is Howl which became infamous after it was banned due to it being too crude and so there was a huge obscenity trail which Ginsberg won in the end. Ginsberg was gay and fell in love with Neal Cassady (who is Dean Moriarty in On The Road). Ginsberg was brought up Jewish but became a Buddhist in the 1950s. He was a founding father of the countercultural movement and the hippie generation. He was esoteric in his views on spirituality.

Ginsberg met Kerouac and Burroughs during his studying at Columbia University in NY. Neal Cassady rolled into town and they all became great friends. In comparison to Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady, Ginsberg was more nerdy, bookish, quiet, reserved. Whilst Jack and Neal looked like jocks, Ginsberg with his glasses and dark brown hair and non-sports physique was very different.

(Neal is 2nd to left in white t-shirt, Allen is next to him)

In Supernatural, Sam and Dean are the original protagonists and Cas comes along later and is not the classic All-Amerian jock-looking male protagonist. Like Allen, he is less stereotypically masculine. An interesting thing to note about his introduction is that from the outset it is not specifically Christian. Whilst Dean and Bobby find out at the end of the episode that he is an angel, they first cover the barn in symbols from many different faiths. Whilst this might be a reach, from what we see from Cas as the seasons progress, he has never been spiritual purely in a Judeo-Christian way. Rather, he is introduced in a set covered in symbols from many faiths and then throughout the seasons he is linked to Buddhism and general multi-faith esotericism and humanism. His growing distance from stance Christian/Angel dogma shows that his faith has always been more esoteric and less dogmatic than the other angels. Ginsberg was a man who combined many different faiths. He was brought up Jewish but from the late 1950s onwards he turned to buddhism and also had an interest in Christianity (notably Gnostic Christianity). One of Ginsberg’s (arguably best) poems is Kaddish and uses the Jewish mourning ritual prayers as it’s structure. Whilst it is easy to think of Angels as being Christian, much of the great spiritual texts which discuss angels (including most of the ones detailed in Supernatural) were in ancient Judaic texts such as The Book of Enoch and texts which are Judaic but are also shared within The Old Testament.

Cas also heads towards Dean’s book and immediately looks through it. So he is also being set up as an intelligent/bookish being. Like Ginsberg in the 40s and 50s, he is dressed in rather smart clothes that contrast against the rugged styles of Sam and Dean. He seems like an outsider to their group, like Ginsberg.

Ginsberg watched and listened in many situations, and when he met Jack and Neal and Burroughs at Columbia he was almost entranced by these people and found them alluring. Cas is also like this in some respects, in that he is intrigued by Sam and especially Dean (however I am not saying this to disregard the agency of either Cas or Ginsberg). Ginsberg also spent much of his life helping his close friends. He was the one who managed to get On The Road by Kerouac and Naked Lunch by Burroughs published. Ginsberg worked tirelessly as their free publishing agent in order to help them and would continuously send them money if they were in need of it. Ginsberg’s long-time partner, Peter Orlovsky had many struggles and Ginsberg dedicated much of his time to helping him. Both Cas and Ginsberg go to extraordinary lengths in order to help those close to them with costs them both. For Cas, he leaves heaven, is cut off from his family, and goes through huge struggles in order to help Sam and Dean. For Ginsberg, he lost huge amounts of money, had drug addict friends steal from him, his health declined due to spending too much energy helping those around him.

I will now discuss the links between Ginsberg and Cas which are apparent most notably in The End. The episodes of most relevance to my broader discussion of Ginsberg, Cas, and Buddhism are the episodes that include endverse!Cas, crazy!cas, homeless!cas, and Emmanuel. In these instances, I find Cas to be more human, or at least less angel. When Cas diverts further from being an Angel then these similarities come to light. I think that who Cas really is is stifled by the strict rules and laws of the angels, and when he is most free from these we see not necessarily his humanity (though of course we see this), but who he is as a real individual. Of course, we see the similarities between these versions of Cas and humanity, but it is important to note that we see him as an angelic being who is also an individual, and his individuality and his choices become concretised when he is furthest from angel laws and rules. Being a human is all about choice, and we know who we are by the choices we make. But we know who we are as an individual by the choices we make, so when Cas has the freedom to make his own choices then we see him as a true individual, or at least as a condensed version of his individual thoughts and ideas.

The End (5.04)

In this episode, Cas is first seen in a large bedroom full with buddhist iconography with Eastern music playing. There is a close up shot of a statue of The Buddha, so this is obviously important to note within this episode.

But with regards to this discussion of Cas and Ginsberg, the importance isn’t just that Cas is surrounded by Buddhist symbols. This specific relevance to Buddhism I will go into later when I discuss Buddhism and Cas. But let’s stick to why this episode is important with regards to the links between Cas and Ginsberg. Since the late 1950s, Buddhism had become an important part of Ginsberg’s spiritual and literary life. He took his Buddhist vows in 1972 and continued to practise meditation until his death (although his views on spirituality weren’t confined to Buddhism as he grew up Jewish and mixed Judaism with Gnostic Christianity into the mix of his own spirituality – he referenced his personal multi-theology during interviews shortly before his death where he said that, as Whitman says he contains multitudes. Both Josh Pederson and Stephen Prothero argue that Ginsberg and the Beats were not constrained to one religious doctrine, although Prothero does note that Buddhism ‘did inspire more of them more deeply than any other. (Stephen Prothero, On The Holy Road: The Beat Movement as Spiritual Protest (217)). Ginsberg was of great importance in bringing Buddhism into the mainstream in the 1960s. Ginsberg was a forefather of the hippies, and this point cannot be understated. The beats and their spontaneous prose, their drinking, their drugs, their sex, their freewheeling lifestyle were the precursor to the hippie generation, but if one person from the beat generation was most important to the hippies of the 1960s, it was Ginsberg. Anyone who was of any importance in the 1960s countercultural hippie movement in America knew Ginsberg. Ginsberg was the ‘prototype hippie’ (Peter Conners, White Hand Society: The Psychedelic Partnership of Timothy Leary & Allen Ginsberg, 200). Ginsberg was highly active within the protest movements of the 1960s. He was an advocate for LSD and along with Timothy Leary, they were the people who brought LSD into the mainstream. Ginsberg was also an advocate of free sexual attitudes and took part in orgies. Many of the ogies he was involved in were tantric, and combined sex with Buddhist teachings in order to use sex to open people’s consciousness’s and join them together with everyone else (I remember a particular incidence when this happened on a trip with the poet Gary Snyder). Ginsberg took a great deal of drugs. His first drug experience was at the dentists when he took nitrous oxide, and then he started to smok pot with his fellow beats, then took benzadrine, amphetamines, mushrooms, LSD (he was one of the people to take it before it was a popular drug in the 60s and then after taking it turned major musicians on to the drug and wrote about it, and gave speeches about why people should take it in order to expand the consciousness. If anyone is interested, the poem Wales Visitation was written whilst he was on acid and I highly recommend it), and he also drank a lot. He was a huge advocate for weed and spent tireless hours building a case about why it should be legal.

Ginsberg was a key figure in the protests of the 1960s such as the Vietnam protests in Berkeley, the National Democratic Conference in Chicago in 1968 during which he lead a crowd of 10,000 people in mantra chanting to try and get them to chill their beans, he was a key speaker at the Human Be-In in Golden Gate Park (that was the event where acid tabs were handed out freely to the crowd, Timothy Leary uttered his famous phrase ‘tune in, turn on, drop out’, and Ginsberg lead the crowd in more mantras and Buddhist music and poetry). So he was not just a poet. He was FOUNDING FATHER OF THE HIPPIES. The hippie OG. The hippie parent. The hippie guru. He was a hippie before hippies were a thing. Ginsberg was not just Buddhist, he was a hippie Buddhist. He took drugs, had orgies, and was a guru to the countercultural movement and his followers. Sound familiar? This is the dialogue between Dean and Cas in The End;

‘What’s with the drugs, the orgies, the love guru crap?’ (Dean to Cas)

‘What are you a hippie?’ (Dean to Cas)

‘What? Are you stoned?’ ‘Generally, yeh.’

‘In this way you will reach a fragment of total perception. Just one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total shared perception is… it’s surprisingly physical… Why not get washed up for the orgie.’

(Cas to the group of women in The End). This speech could have been something Ginsberg would have said. In his essay ‘Dialectics of Liberation: 27th July 1967’ he declared that everyone should ‘have a unitive experience’, ‘an experience of One, of all of us being one’ (Dialectics of Liberation, 7-8).

So Cas is not just seen within this episode as having Buddhist leanings, more accurately, the Buddhist symbols that surround him are important within themselves but also act as a signifier to the other clues about who he is. He is a orgy loving, Buddhist, drug taking, love guru, pot smoking hippie. When Ginsberg first encountered the beats including Neal Cassady (aka Dean Moriarty), he was straight edge, Jewish, bookish. But by the 1960s he was a drug taking, sex loving hippie (although please don’t take this to mean that by the 1960s he was some sort of ruinous character, rather that he had loosened up a great amount on how wild a life he was living). So both Cas and Ginsberg go through these arcs. And if Cas is being shown to be a Buddhist hippie? Ginsberg is the original hippie.

Cas is also styled like Ginsberg from the 1960s. After his trip to India in 1962, Ginsberg returned and dressed in cotton Indian clothes, and images of him wearing these clothes circulated and became a mainstay of hippie style.

(Peter Orlovsky and Allen in India in 1962)

(Ginsberg in India in 1962)

Camp Chitaqua

There’s also something to be said about the Camp Chitaqua in The End. I don’t know if anyone has written about this, but its namesake seems to be Camp Chatauqua (on the Wikipedia page it shows a promotional brochure for the 1917 Cam, by CASS lake… mmmhmmm).

So Cam Chatauqua was an adult educational movement popular in the late 19th and early 20th centuries in rural America. It brought entertainment and culture to communities with speakers, teachers, musicians, entertainers, preachers, and specialists of the day. They were fairly Christian events, with Christian lectures occurring at each camp. Interestingly, some people have noted that the teach-ins during the 1960s protests were a successor of these camps. I say this is interesting because the 1960s protests were lead by either the New Left or the Hippies (or both, as they overlap a lot), and so lots of hippie gatherings and protests had Camp Chatauqua style lectures. One that I remember in particular was the 1964 Free Speech Movement protest on Berkeley Campus where they sat in the corridors of one of the main administration buildings and students gave lectures on politics or general things until they all got dragged out by police, beaten, and arrested. Anyway, these camps were influential to the protest tactics of the hippies – just something to note seeing as we’re discussing hippies at this point.

Neal Cassady (Dean Moriarty) and Allen Ginsberg

I covered this kind of in my post about SPN and On The Road. So Neal Cassady became friends with Ginsberg during the 1940s whilst Ginsberg was at Columbia University. Ginsberg fell in love with him and they had sex and continued to have sex on and off until at least the mid-1950s, but remained great friends until Neal’s death in 1966. Neal denied any homosexual leanings to many people within his life, had many girlfriends and a few wives. But Ginsberg and Cassady made vows to each other to love each other, and they were very close, but ultimately Neal didn’t want to be Allen’s partner and their sexual relationship ended some time before his death. Allen spent most of his life with his long-time partner Peter Orlovsky and their relationship was fraught and incredibly complex but that’s another story for another time.

But seeing as Dean Winchester and Neal Cassady are similar, and seeing how (if we’re looking for who from the Beat Canon Cas is) Ginsberg is similar to Cas, the fact that Neal and Allen were in a relationship (of sorts) can be transferred to Dean and Cas.

(Allen and Neal)

Conclusion

OK, so these are my starting thoughts on this discussion. I think the main thing I realised whilst rewatching The End wasn’t the Buddhism (which is why I watched it to begin with). Rather it was how Buddhism was used as a signifier of Cas’s hippieness, or how Cas uses sex, drugs, and Buddhism, and discusses consciousness and how all of this speaks to him as a Ginsberg-like figure.

I will continue discussing Ginsberg within these posts but I’m next going to focus specifically on Cas and Buddhism on my next post! Feel free to ask any questions about this and I will continue going over all my academic books and notes and add more to these discussions :)

#Cas x Ginsberg #supernatural and the beats #my supernatural discourse #supernatural meta #cas meta #human!cas #the end #supernatural season 5 #season 5 meta #castiel #cas #cas x buddhism #cas x spirituality #cas x ginsberg x buddhism #supernatural discourse

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webcricket · 7 years

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Nudge Theory

Characters: CastielXReader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 5323 (Act V)

A/N: The [extended] conclusion to a five-act miniseries. The reader and Castiel must work together to solve the curious case of the missing Winchesters. Fluff, smut, and a plot for kicks (I’ve been informed it got kinda angsty – so, uh, yay, something for everyone?!). All mysteries and roads converge in Clifton Springs, NY – whither will they lead from there? Here’s a hint about the roads – there is a 100% probability they all lead to a mountain of fluff.

Completed Series Masterlist:

webcricket.tumblr.com/post/162181272535/nudge-theory-masterlist

Nudge [verb] –

· “Coax or gently encourage someone to do something.”

Act V

“Y/N?”

The familiar rumbling whisper thundered through your pounding head with the boom of a freight train. You groaned in response.

“They’ve left for the moment,” the whispered onslaught continued, “there was a heated argument. Mrs. Kinlay did not want to miss bingo night at the senior center despite Mr. Kinlay’s wounds. Evidently, a Mrs. Reynolds recently returned from an extended cruise which was in reality a cover story for obtaining plastic surgery and the so-called botch job isn’t to be missed.”

You groaned again.

“Are you hurt?”

More discombobulated yet distinctly incensed syllables somersaulted from your tongue. You meant to say: “Bingo? Seriously? Well at least something about those impostors stinks of being geriatric.”

Cas took the irate tone of your incoherent groans as confirmation you were unharmed save for the diminishing effects of the cataleptic drug in your system, “They intend to perform some sort of ritual. We appear to be central components. Fortunately, it seems important to them that we remain largely unharmed.”

Functional alertness struck you all at once. You jerked against the restraints binding you to a chair, the commotion agitating and sloshing tepid water from the basin where your bare feet were submerged. The room was dim and windowless; the walls of concrete block with enormous red, blue, and yellow pipes towering around you. The ceaseless drone of a generator – no, a gargantuan water pump – deafeningly hummed. The raucous din roaring in your ears wasn’t a freight train, and the angel hadn’t been whispering at all – he was shouting.

“No point in struggling. I’ve already tried,” Cas said matter-of-factly, “the ties are bound by spell work.” His warm fingers squirmed to cover your hands to the extent his ropes allowed, offering what little consolation he could while being bound together back to back. You couldn’t see it, but his feet also soaked in a basin of water.

You let your head loll to rest in the cushion of his dark hair, your voice cracking dryly, “Cas, what the hell happened back there?”

“You mean, how was I overpowered by a 90-year-old woman?” he muttered wryly, angling his neck to bring his lips nearer your ears to avoid yelling so loud.

“I wasn’t going to phrase it quite as callously, but yeah,” you wondered how the fighting prowess of an angel of the Lord faired so miserably in hand-to-hand combat against a senior citizen.

“I wasn’t bested until she threatened me with ending your life,” he explained, “I heard your distressed prayer for help and had no choice but to cooperate.”

You pictured the stoic square set of his jaw and the sincerity glistening in his blue eyes as he recounted the story. He said he had no choice, but that wasn’t true. He could’ve kept on fighting, evaded capture, held out until the Winchesters arrived – instead, he chose to save you. Regardless of the situation, you’d never been on the receiving end of a more romantic gesture. Forget flowers, chocolate, and whispered sweet nothings, you’d take self-sacrifice over that kind of clichéd hokum any day. The realization that you needed him to know how you felt before it was too late again overwhelmed your thoughts. I love you, you tried the declaration first in your mind – no superfluities, no chance of confusing him with vague allusions. No more running from love – whether because you were presently forcibly chained in place to the owner of your heart, or not.

“Also, as I’m sure you can agree, the element of surprise was skillfully effected here,” Cas added, “I may need to reconsider my preconceived notions regarding the elderly.”

“Cas?”

He kept on rambling, tone distinctly apologetic, as if the entire debacle were somehow his fault, “And she possessed a strange command over my vessel…”

“Castiel?”

“…one which inhibited any of my abilities beyond the woefully inadequate human strength limited to me in this form.”

“Cas!”

“The upside being that they don’t seem to know I’m an-”

“Angel, I love you.”

He hushed with such swiftness and stillness you would have thought yourself abandoned if not for his fingers still pressed soothingly over your trembling ones.

You held your breath, certain your heart was thumping louder than the pump and about to burst forth from your ribcage.

He remained motionless and unbearably silent.

Tears verging on the corners of your eyes, you defaulted to plucky defensive sass, “That element of surprise is a real bitch, eh?”

He found his tongue, stammering, “Y/N, I-I don’t-”

“Cas just forget it, okay?” you choked, cutting him off, not wanting to know how his sentence finished. The options were endless, and you couldn’t currently fathom any in your favor.

Waylaid by your confession of love, he sat there, jaw agape, cursing himself for his ineptitude once again at navigating the dicey sea of human emotion. He knew he profoundly failed you in his delayed and fumbling response – the truth was he didn’t know what to say because he didn’t exactly understand what he was feeling, and this truth was better left unuttered.

You began an internal tirade: You idiot! It was just sex and you went and fell in love. He doesn’t love you. How could he? He’s a freaking angel. You barely even know each other. A few days working a case together and you lose your damn mind. What the hell were you thinking? With a shaky sigh, you wrangled your spiraling emotions, concentrating your focus on basic survival – one crisis at a time, and your imminent peril merited top priority. You steeled your nerves to speak, “What are these things parading around as old fogies anyway?”

“Benefactors, my dear,” a meek female voice answered.

Cas’ thoroughly distracted angelic ears had failed to detect the soft scuffle of slippers announcing the return of your captors.

“Look at this mess you’ve made,” Marge bent to fret over the spilled water around your basin.

“Messes are my specialty,” you snapped, referring not to the water, but life in general right now.

The old woman straightened her back creakingly, “Al, be a dear and fetch more water.”

Unhearing, Mr. Kinlay fidgeted with the white linen bandaging his hand.

“Hurry up, you impotent old fool!” Marge commanded.

Al twitched in his wrinkled skin suit, gimping figure scurrying out of sight.

Marge smiled, sweetly innocent. “Now where were we? Ah, of course! These hunters,” her eyes twinkled knowingly, “yes I know exactly what you are, my dears.” She went on, “These hunters think they deserve an explanation.”

“These hunters are going to end you!” you spat.

“Feisty young thing, isn’t she? Yes, you’ll do nicely,” her smile stretched haughtily.

You nagged, pilfering time to come up with a plan of escape, “What’s with the bondage-themed spa experience anyway? Here I would have thought cold tea and stale cookies were more bogus grannie speed. You know, just between us girls, it’s kind of turning me on. I really hope there’s a sadistic hot stone massage lined up for later.”

“And this one is heavenly, isn’t he?” unruffled, she ignored your unashamed heckling as her crinkled fingers admiringly stroked Cas’ prickly cheek, dipping to fuss with and straighten the knot of his tie.

“You have no idea,” Cas retorted calmly, breaking his silence. He gave your hands an emphatic squeeze as he spoke.

You suddenly understood the meaning of the bizarre wink at the motel, and what he had attempted to relay to you before you abruptly dropped the L-bomb: The upside being that they don’t seem to know I’m an…angel. They have no idea he’s an angel! You weren’t clear how this helped matters, but you were damn sure it didn’t hurt to have a surprise of your own in store for these geezers.

Al reappeared with a silver pitcher to re-fill your basin.

“So confident too, my Al could do with a bit of that confidence,” she shook her head wearily, “isn’t that right, Al dear? Al!”

The old man nodded agreeably even though he hadn’t heard any of her comments over the noisy water pump.

“It’s nearly time!” Marge mimed pointing to a watch, “Get the chest.”

Al wandered arthritically off into the maze of pipes.

Marge continued her speech, “As I was saying. A hunter came here years ago…”

“Thirteen years ago, right?” you rudely interjected, mimicking her cloyingly sweet smile. “Yeah, good friend of mine,” you lied, never having actually met John Winchester.

The old woman snarled, spiteful foam forming at the crinkled corners of her mouth, “That hunter killed my sister. After everything we’ve done for this town and we ask so little in return – merely to be loved. Calliphaea did not deserve the violent death dealt to her at a hunter’s hands.”

“Uh huh, can you fast forward to the part where you tell us what exactly you are?” you griped – at this rate Al would return and derail her rant. You briefly wondered why John didn’t mention any of these crucial details in his journal considering he’d apparently killed one of whatever these creatures were.

Marge sneered, “Humans call us many names – I am Iasis, daughter in the sisterhood of the Ionides. We are water nymphs, naiads, the undine. For time immemorial we have healed the people drawn to our springs. Once the sanatorium here was renowned in the far corners of the world. People flocked great distances to bathe in the healing waters.”

“We followed a historical trail of death, not miracles, to find you,” Cas astutely pointed out.

“Necessary sacrifices,” she asserted. “Did you ever stop to think about why a town as tiny as Clifton Springs needs senior housing? It’s because of us. The trappings of old age, not disease, is the nemesis of these people. A tragedy once a generation is simply fodder for these crones to reminisce about in the dull hours of their long lives. Once my sisters and I were worshipped, revered, adored. When the love of humans trickled and dried,” she gestured feebly around the stark mechanics of the room, “when this abomination was built to harness our spring, our life-sustaining essence, we improvised.”

“You murdered!” you accused.

“We adapted!” she countered.

Al materialized with an oblong bundle wrapped in silk.

Iasis gazed wistfully upon him, “When I met my Al, I again knew what it was to be loved.” She moved closer to you, shriveled grisly lips brushing over your ear in a low croaking whisper, “I see the way this man Castiel looks at you with true devotion in his eyes – wouldn’t you do anything to bask in his love forever?” She backed off, false teeth clicking, “I’m giving you forever dear, doesn’t that sound nice?”

You were too preoccupied straining to recall the scanty lore on nymphs retained in your memory to pay her much heed. Elemental creatures, you remembered being bored witless reading about them in an obscure musty text once, at Bobby Singer’s house of all places. God, that was ages ago! You met Dean for the first time that same trip. He was a barely contained mess of edgy nerves, vibrant green eyes, and self-assured posturing futilely searching for his missing father then. You fatefully exchanged numbers out front beside a wrecked Mustang, just in case you ran into a hunter of John’s description or came across any leads in your travels. Dean barreled in and out of that salvage yard, en route to Stanford to meet up with Sam, so fast he spared only a fleeting wisp of breath to comment on your great ass as he departed. You nearly tossed his contact info, thinking he was just like every other propositioning chauvinistic pig of a hunter you crossed paths with, but Bobby swore up and down Dean was a good kid, and an even better hunter – that stress had a funny way of subjugating his manners. The fond image of the curmudgeonly hunter brought the recollection of the text flooding forward: Supposed extinct since the early 19th century, reclusive healers, elementals grounded in fresh water sources especially potent, propensity for cruelty if provoked, quartz crystal consecrated by the four elements impaled through the heart will snuff them. You didn’t suppose you’d be lucky enough for Cas to have one of those handy in those deep trench pockets of his.

“I asked you a question!” Iasis slapped you smartly across the cheek.

“Leave her alo-”

She strangled Cas’ objection with a tic of her hand, “Young man, in my domain I dictate the orders. Are you aware the human body is composed almost entirely of the fluid element of water?” She freed her invisible hold on his throat.

Cas narrowed his eyes contemptuously, “Yes, I am aware of that fact.”

“Then you’d do well to remember it,” she cautioned, “for you flimsy little humans, water is life.” She snapped her fingers, “And death.”

The air in your lungs turned boggy. A hiccup-like spasm seized your diaphragm and you began to cough, convulsing and sputtering endless rivulets of cool clear water out of your lips and nose.

Helpless to do anything save beg for your life, Cas twined his fingers with yours, “I’ll remember. Please…I’ll do whatever you want. Please…please don’t hurt her.”

Satisfied with the effect of her demonstration, Iasis smirked and jerked her knobby fingers.

Spasmodically gasping, your lungs cleared. They painfully seared as you sucked to inflate them again with air.

The nymph turned her back on you, gently unwrapping the folded layers of silk surrounding the oaken box held aloft in Al’s upturned arms. Her voice tinged with distain, “Unfortunately, in binding my immortal essence to Al’s soul, I became one of you. Human. And these decrepit vessels can only be sustained for so long before they require replacement.” She withdrew two large glassy tapered quartz crystals from the box, “Our love must endure.”

“Then you intend to take us as new vessels?” Cas’ brow furrowed askance.

You stared achingly at the crystals – you’d bet your life they were conveniently consecrated by the four elements to perform this particular ritual. Cas, if you can hear me, you prayed, we need to stab her in the heart with one of those crystals.

Cas heard you, squeezing your hand tight in confirmation.

“It’s beautifully poetic, don’t you think?” Iasis hobbled over to immerse a crystal in the basin of water at Cas’ feet, “We’ve always chosen young lovers for our new hosts. No one bats an eye when an old married couple knocks off together, especially one as inseparable and devoted to each other as we are. Think of it this way, in Al and I, your love will bloom evergreen.”

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds so…yeah, it still sounds completely insane,” you rolled your eyes, “And vaguely like the lyrics of a creepy alt-Ed Sheeran song.”

“Al, dear, it’s time,” Iasis announced.

Al dragged himself over to stand in front of Cas.

“Y/N, do you trust me?” Cas loosened his grasp of your hands.

You frantically tried to peer over your shoulder, “Cas, what’s happening?”

“Do you trust me?” he repeated.

“Yes, yes I trust you,” you replied, “but what’s going on?”

“It’s okay,” Cas’ gruff voice reassured you, “I think it’s best if we don’t protest.” The angel strongly suspected he would be able to interfere with the transfer process of the ritual, celestial energy unencumbered when Al’s soul penetrated the physical boundaries of his vessel. And surely he couldn’t fail you twice in one evening. He slipped his fingers from yours, evasive when you went hunting for them again.

“There’s a good boy,” Iasis flashed a pleased-as-punch smile at Cas, passing the other crystal to Al, “you remember the incantation, dear?”

Al bobbed his chin, raising a wilted hand to pull the cap from the balding spate of his head and hold it to the wool vest hugging his shallowly puffing chest. He began to chant in a language utterly foreign to you.

Cas observed the surging white glow of the crystal in Al’s clutches. In a blinding luster of luminance, the energy arched to strike the crystal submerged in the basin at his feet. The angel slumped limply forward against the enchanted bindings.

Al’s former body crumpled to the floor with a sickening wet plop.

“Cas!” you shrieked.

“Quickly now, Al dear,” Iasis undid the bindings securing Cas to the chair, “it’s my turn.”

He stumbled from the chair, clumsily bowing to retrieve the crystals, obediently circling to drop one of them in your basin.

“Cas?” you entreated.

He refused to so much as look at you.

Iasis tottered into position in front of you, a cruel smile plastered across her features, “I’m ready. Hand me the quartz, my love.”

No quartz was tendered over.

“Al?” she jolted electrically, features contorting, limbs contracting then going lax.

The water pump chugged ominously shriller, metal pings and pops sharply echoing off the concrete walls as the pressure swelled.

Cas’ arm roughly anchored around her shoulders as the pointed end of the crystal emerged glossy and bloodied through the center of her chest. He leaned nearer to whisper in her ear, supporting her weight as she collapsed, “I’m not your love, that sentiment belongs to another.”

Incapable of hearing him over the ruthless churning of the pump, you tried and failed to read his lips.

Iasis’ mouth parted as if to scream – a veritable river of water poured out.

The angel eased her lifeless vessel to the floor.

A colossal screeching of metal commenced, pipes bursting asunder one by one to inundate the room with explosive blasts of water. The floor rapidly began to swamp.

Cas unbound you from the chair and helped you to stand. He bellowed something in your ear, the deepness of his voice unable to cleave through the escalating racket.

Piercing pain shocked your ankle and shot up your calf as the water gushed around your feet, slamming a chunk of metal into your leg. You vexed yourself for crying in front of the angel, thankful the spray of water masked the salty tears streaking your cheeks. The physical pain was simply an excuse to let the tears flow. You wanted to vomit. You didn’t. The room swirled around you in a chaotic blur.

Cas swept you up in his arms and fled to the exit.

Rocking safely within his strong embrace, you clung to the sopping wet lapels of his trench coat, burying your face into his chest, and closing your eyes. When you deigned to open them again, Sam’s was the first face you saw.

“Hey Y/N,” the younger Winchester wore the characteristic small cheerful smile he reserved specifically for boosting spirits.

“Sam?” you attempted to sit up.

“Woah, take it easy there sweetheart!” Dean pressed a palm firmly to your shoulder, “You don’t want to pass out again. Trust me.” He smirked, green eyes glinting mischievously, “I had to stop Sammy here from drawing obscene objects on your forehead with a permanent marker.”

“Come on Dean,” Sam whined, “that was your idea.”

“So immature,” Dean shook his head disdainfully.

“What happened?” you swatted Dean’s coddling hand aside, “That last thing I remember…”

“Orthostatic hypotensive syncope,” Cas enumerated from the end of the bed.

“Gesundheit,” Dean coughed into the back of his sleeve.

Cas scowled at Dean.

“What?” you looked to Sam, the sensible brother, for a translation.

“It means you fainted because you stood up too fast,” Sam rubbed his chin, “probably a side effect from whatever drug you were injected with.”

“That’s good,” you murmured thoughtfully.

“How is that good?” Dean took the bait.

“Cause now you two have at least a solid few minutes to explain to me where the hell you’ve been all this time while we worked your case before I regain enough strength to kick your asses,” you replied, brandishing a disapproving frown.

Cas flipped the blanket up over your feet and clasped his fingers around your swollen and bruised ankle. He met your curious gaze with the trace of a smile softening his dour features, advising, “You’ll need this healed to properly kick both of their asses.” His grace spread warmly through your foot and leg, healing the sprain.

“Thanks…,” you wavered to add the term of endearment, angel, that perched naturally on the tip of your tongue, “…Cas.”

“Yeah, thanks, Cas,” Dean scoffed, “You could have let us have a running start.”

Cas gifted Dean with another unamused scowl. You got the impression from the finely tuned aesthetic of the expression that he did that a lot.

“Clock’s ticking boys,” you impatiently clucked your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

“It was Dean’s drunken idea,” Sam caved first, seeking to release himself of any blame by doing so.

Betrayed by his own flesh and blood, Dean made a sound like a mortally wounded animal.

“Hmm, I don’t doubt it,” you vaulted an inquiring brow in Dean’s direction, “Spill it, Winchester.”

Dean fixed his brother with a steely gaze, “Perhaps you should ask my sweet, innocent, gigantic little brother of an accomplice to hand over the contents of his left front coat pocket.” Dean refused to go down with the ship alone.

Sam’s eyes widened, giant stature shrinking under the weight of the accusation, the shift in body language alone fairly admitting to his guilt as a co-conspirator.

“Touché,” Dean mouthed the word silently to Sam, embellishing it with a wink.

Sam produced an off-white lined piece of paper folded into quarters from the aforementioned pocket, thrusting it in your general direction, all the while glaring indignantly at his brother.

Once or twice Dean glanced away, feigning interest in a speck of dust clinging to the wall, a misalignment of the wallpaper over there, a loop of carpet snagged loose in the corner, only to find Sam still burning a hole in his skull when he again dared to peek over. It made Dean’s skin crawl. After all, Sam hadn’t lied – it was Dean’s drunken idea.

You plucked the paper from between Sam’s clinched fingertips. Unfolding it to reveal the contents, you immediately recognized the neat black ink handwriting as belonging to John Winchester – the paper obviously a page neatly removed from his journal. Skimming the words, you realized it detailed the conclusion of John’s hunt here in Clifton Springs thirteen years ago, outlining the successful slaying of a lovelorn nymph calling herself Calliphaea who had run amuck in the town trying various young women on for size then discarding their lifeless bodies like ill-fitting articles of clothing. She wielded sacrosanct crystals juiced up by a particular alignment of planets occurring every thirteenth year. Curiously, these crystals went missing before he could secure them. John wrongly surmised the nymph was a one-hit wonder and labelled the hunt case-closed. In short, this single slip of paper contained a mountain of exceedingly useful material which would have saved you and Cas a heck of a lot of mis-adventure and a close call with death because, for starters, you never would have left the bunker to follow up on a closed case. Why Sam and Dean withheld this key piece of information, led you and Cas blind-folded into danger, and then ignored all attempts at establishing contact, was beyond your imagining. Dean’s drunken idea? Even drunk, you had a hard time believing Dean could be that malicious, and as far as you knew, you hadn’t done anything deserving of such cold-hearted treatment. You offered the page to Cas for perusal. “Why?” the single word query was all you could muster.

“Look…,” Dean began.

“We’re sorry,” Sam spoke over whatever excuse his brother was going to try and make, knowing the situation warranted an apology first and an explanation second, “This wasn’t supposed to be a real case.”

You wagged your head in disbelief, “What are you talking about? You left leads at the bunker. We followed the research.”

“We thought you were missing,” Cas chimed in, glancing up from the paper, “or worse.”

“I know, we know,” Sam lowered his gaze, “trust me, if we’d known there was any danger we never would have let this charade go on for as long as it did.”

“Charade?” you peered scathingly between the brothers, “A deranged geriatric water nymph and her narcotic-laced-syringe-wielding husband nearly killed me! Would have too if it wasn’t for Cas being an angel and all. Some charade!”

“You saw the journal entry, we thought our dad eliminated the threat here,” Sam counseled.

“She had a sister. Calliphaea had a sister,” you grumbled.

“The really nutty ones always have a sister,” Dean bemoaned.

“Not helping, Dean,” Sam scolded, rubbing his hands exasperatedly over his face.

“Look,” Dean began again, dissatisfied with his brother’s diplomatic approach, “this whole shebang was a set-up, an excuse to get you and Cas together. Together, together. A bonding experience if you will. No real danger, just some implied peril with a couple of not-actually-missing friends nudging things along in the right direction while warming the seats at a cheesy honky-tonk bar just across the county line.” He inserted his patented brand of off-kilter commentated reflection to try to lighten the mood, “Great strawberry daiquiris, by the way. You know, if you’re into girly drinks.” It didn’t work.

“I think you should leave,” you stated in no uncertain terms.

Sam and Dean wasted no time stealing themselves to the exit.

Cas stood stationary at the end of the bed, watching them go.

“You too, Cas,” it pained you to say it, but you needed some time alone. Time to think. Time to ponder how you felt having learned this whole ordeal was a sham-gone-sideways.

The angel met your gaze, a dejected haze muddying the crystal blue of his eyes as they searched yours and perceived the detached sincerity of your request – it instilled him with a sense of emptiness unlike anything he’d heretofore experienced. He was unsure what to say to console you, to plead his case for remaining by your side, to insist that the emotion he felt stirring inside himself toward you existed separate from Sam and Dean’s meddling. Wary of using the wrong words again, haunted by and frightened of repeated failure, he said nothing at all and slipped mutely from the room.

Over-wrought, weary of mind, body and heart, you sank into a dreamless sleep. You awoke late the next morning to gently caressing beams of sunshine spilling through the curtains to touch upon your cheeks. The beams flickered and skipped around you, broken in fits by the flutter of leaves in swaying trees outside the motel. The dance of light tickled your sleep-bleared vision; you couldn’t help but smile at the effect until you remembered – remembered curtly sending the angel away, remembered the anguished look clouding his aspect, remembered that despite the ridiculous circumstances under which it happened, in spite of yourself, you loved him.

Rolling from bed, you spotted your phone on the dresser. Like everything else in your possession last night now meticulously arranged on the wood surface, it had gotten saturated in the torrent of water. You realized it didn’t matter; you didn’t have Cas’ number anyway. You’d been inseparable these few days, and never had reason to get it. You didn’t suppose the phone directory would conveniently contain a listing for angels. You smacked your palm to your forehead, jostling your apparently also waterlogged mind – you could always pray. Your idea was deflected by the notice of an envelope slipping beneath the bottom of the door. Circling cautiously nearer, craning your neck, you read your name scrawled in perfect winding script across the front. You picked it up, turning it over in your hands a few times before carefully unsealing the flap.

The note composed inside read:

Y/N,

As you don’t wish to be in my company at present, and since in your presence I seem incapable of articulating what I mean, I’ve taken the impetus to write you this letter in an effort to restore all that which has been lost without fear of making the already regretful circumstances worse.

Firstly, regarding the grievous mess instigated by the Winchesters – while the error in Sam and Dean’s judgement is unquestionable, their hearts are in the right place. More than once they’ve forgiven me for doing far worse with the best of intentions. Each time I wonder what I have done to deserve such a loyal friendship as theirs has been. I sincerely hope for their sake, with time, you might find it in your heart to absolve them of their guilt.

Above all else, I owe you an apology. You declared your love to me, and in the delicate fleeting moment you bared this most reverent of emotions lodged within the bounds of your kind heart and beautiful soul to my unworthy being, I humbly failed to reciprocate the sentiment. It was not then, nor is it now because I do not love you in return.

This feeling when I’m with you, when you look at me, when we touch, when you laugh, when you smile, when we’re apart, when I think of you – there is no word in my vocabulary with which to contain it, none in any language I know, and I expect a term may not exist anywhere in the whole of creation itself. What you mean to me…it is so much more than love.

If you’ll allow me, I vow to spend the rest of my existence endeavoring to define for you all that you are to me.

Yours, Castiel

Note held quivering in your fingertips, dewy tears brimmed your eyes to spatter and smudge the ink in spots. Smearing your wet cheeks with the backs of your hands, you twisted the doorknob and swung in the door.

Castiel, your angel of contradictions, abided patiently on the other side – for all his awkward ineloquence in speaking his heart, he was nonetheless a poet. His sky-blue gaze illumined an impossible shade brighter when his eyes alit upon yours. He said nothing – everything that required saying already fluently expressed in the letter still held in your trembling grasp.

Awed to the point of speechlessness, you might have stood there in the rapt quietude gaping at him for hours if it wasn’t for your noticing the laptop tucked in the crook of his arm and your habitual neurotic impulse to fill silent voids with mundane observation. “What’s with the computer?” you sniffled, tears abating, “I thought you were strictly low tech.”

If Cas was surprised by your redirection, he didn’t let it show in his reply. “Sam loaned it to me,” he answered unfalteringly, “If you recall, you suggested we should watch a movie together when the case concluded.”

A delighted smile frolicked across your features at the pleasant shared memory, “I remember, in the corn field with that stunning sunrise.” Closing your eyes for a moment, you vividly evoked the elating combined warmth of his regard and the rising sun on your face, murmuring, “I fell, and you caught me.”

A blushing smile reflected in the angel’s aspect – he fell too, there in the corn field – fast and far and forevermore. “I asked Sam to arrange it so we can watch it on this device,” he offered you the computer, “That is, if you still want to…with me.”

“There isn’t anything else in the world I’d rather do right now, angel,” you shifted onto the tips of your toes to press a soft kiss to his unshaven cheek.

“Then, it’s a…,” he bashfully regarded the ground between his shoes, shuffling his weight from foot to foot, a full grin unfurling across his flushed countenance, “it’s a date?”

“It’s a date,” you clasped his hand in affirmation, giggling as you tugged him over the threshold and into your open arms. A date, a fresh start, and precisely the nudge neither of you knew you needed – all thanks to a freaking Winchester, no less.

#castiel x reader #castiel x you #castiel fluff #castiel smut #castiel reader insert #castiel x y/n #cas x reader #cas x you #castielxreader #castielxyou #castiel #castiel oneshot #castiel series #castiel fanfic #spn reader insert #spn fluff #spn smut #spn series #cricket writes cas

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notarelationship · 7 years

Text

Clinging to This Hating Game 5/7

For the @prompt-a-klainefic blog’s 2017 Reverse Bang

Link to the art by @datshitrandom

the prompt:

Kurt and Blaine couldn’t stand each other in high school, maybe one was a jock/cheerleader and the other a nerd/glee clubber. Or they were bitter rivals for competition solos if they were both in glee club. Now they both live in NY and their friends set them up on a blind date, not knowing they went to the same high school.

High School AU, Cheerio!Kurt, Jock!Blaine Rating: Explicit Warnings: some bullying and homophobic language, teenage sex Word Count: ~3900 (this chapter)

Everything wonky is my fault.

AO3 link Chapter 5

On tumblr: Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4

Well.

After a slap fight with my beta that turned into full on mud-wrestling, this one very long chapter has been turned into two. The good news is that the second half will post no later than Sunday, and possibly earlier.

Forever thanks to @mshoneysucklepink for the beta. And the slap-fight.

Chapter 5

Kurt had always expected that by the time he reached his final semester of high school the pressure that he’d felt for four years would have fizzled out. The pressure he’d put on himself to be better, to rise above everyone’s expectations, the pressure to get everything right all the time, to take away any ammunition that could be used against him.

After all, his college applications were in, he’d sent out his audition videos (except NYADA, of course, they would require an in-person audition) and he was still in the lead for valedictorian. That should mean he should be able to coast through one semester.

It didn’t.

The glee club had a real chance of winning nationals this year, but they had to get through regionals first, and spring cheer competitions were going to start up in March and Coach Sue wouldn’t accept anything less than a first place finish. On top of that, there was no way he was going to let Blaine the Usurper take his valedictorian crown. He might be smart, and a little hot, but he was also the enemy, And he was a transfer student for pete’s sake.

So when school started back up after the holidays Kurt was outside the guidance counselor’s office checking the rankings. Kurt was still at the top of the class with a 4.21 GPA.

Blaine, however, had overtaken Harriet Gomez, and was now in second place behind Kurt. With a 4.13 GPA Blaine was poised to take the lead any time Kurt stumbled. He couldn’t let it happen. Kurt examined the rest of the standings, to make sure there weren’t any likely dark horse threats (there weren’t).

“Kurt, I’m so happy I found you.” It was Rachel.

Kurt sighed and turned to look at her. “It’s a Monday Rachel, where else would I be?”

She kept going without acknowledging his obviously rhetorical question.

“Blaine and I both received our invitations to audition for NYADA on Saturday and I thought we should all discuss carpooling together since they are holding them for all invitees on the Ohio State campus in Columbus and it just makes sense for all of us to go together.” Kurt barely heard what she said after “invitations.”

He turned away. “I didn’t get one.”

It was distressing. It was unheard of that they would audition three students from the same program and his chances had materially diminished when Blaine arrived. He had to face the fact that an audition appointment might not come at all. “I guess you’re on your own.”

“What? That’s ridiculous Kurt, you have very unique talents, and I’m sure that when the dean of admissions hears you they’ll -”

“Stop Rachel. Please.” Kurt tried not to glare, but her whole demeanor was provoking him. “I’ll let you know if an invite comes. If not you two crooners are on your own.” Kurt spun and walked away from her and toward his next class.

“I am not a crooner, Kurt!” He didn’t have to turn around to know she was stomping her foot.

Kurt managed to slip into his chair in home room with plenty of time to spare. Quinn was already there, Cheerios uniform on.

“Did you have a nice trip to Chicago with your parents?” Kurt asked her.

Quinn huffed a frown. “Delightful. My father found out I’ve been seeing Puckerman again and took away the keys to my car.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide, and he was about to disparage Mr. Fabray with the full muscle of his well-honed snark, but Blaine came rushing into the classroom just as the bell rang. Kurt’s eyes stayed wide.

In the months since football season ended Kurt had noticed a subtle change in Blaine’s personal style. (He hadn’t been looking, it had just been so obvious.) His jeans had become more well fitted (okay, tighter), the McKinley football t-shirts had been replaced with crisp polo shirts (that may have pulled teasingly across his shoulders. No - wait). The trendy sneakers had been replaced by top siders and loafers. The tidy curls were being tamed by some actual hair product.

But today, the first day of the last semester of high school, Blaine Anderson was wearing snug raspberry colored chinos, a vertically striped polo with a bow tie and two-tone oxford shoes that matched colors of the stripes on his shirt. Kurt had to bite his tongue to keep his jaw from dropping as he watched Blaine take the open seat at the front of the class.

“See something you like?” Quinn whispered.

Kurt hoped his feigned recoil was convincing; he did not need this from Quinn. “Good lord no. I was just wondering what kind of monster would pair that shirt with those pants.” Kurt shook his head. Obviously one with a ridiculously tiny waist. How had he never noticed that before?

On top of that, the glee club still had regionals to prepare for, and unlike their sectionals competition there was nothing like the musical to distract half of the group from wanting a lead. When Kurt arrived to class at the end of the day Mr. Schuester was already trying to reign them in.

“Okay guys, we need to decide on a theme for our performance before we start song selection. Who has something they’d like to suggest?”

Blaine raised his hand. “It’s near Valentine’s Day, we could do love songs.”

A few of the girls responded with positive noises, but overall no one really liked that idea. Kurt didn’t think it was so bad.

“That’s lame,” Puck said, voicing the more popular reaction. “Unless you had some dude you wanted to serenade. Then we’d totally have your back, man.”

Blaine turned to look at Puck, eyes wide in horror. “No. No, that’s not something I think I would want your help with.”

Puck shrugged. “Your loss bro.”

It turned out that this year regionals was taking place at Dalton Academy, Blaine’s former high school. Kurt thought it was funny that they had never competed against Dalton before, but here they were going up against them for the first time, after Blaine had transferred to McKinley. It was probably a coincidence.

When they pulled up in their bus the first thing they saw was a giant banner stating “Welcome 2013 Midwest Regionals Finalists: McKinley High School New Directions and the Western Illinois Prep Spinal Chords!” They were led to a tidy room full of soft furniture and dark wood. It had a minimum of refreshments; bottled water and some snacks were laid out along a sideboard. It was pretty nice.

“You went to school here, Hobbit?” Santana asked, flopping down on one of the oversized couches.

Blaine grimaced, but Kurt couldn’t tell if it was because of Santana’s question, or because she put her feet up on the arm of the couch.

“I did,” Blaine answered. “Right up until the beginning of this year.”

Kurt thought about what Blaine had told him months before, about Dalton’s glee club - that they weren’t good enough to get Blaine a scholarship, and he wondered how much competition they would actually be. Blaine had been confident during rehearsals, practically assuring everyone that while the Warblers were good, they weren’t quite up to what Blaine had seen from the New Directions this year. But Kurt knew that competitions were never as simple as just talent.

Mr. Schuester came and gathered the boys, leading them to the lounge that was serving as their changing area, while the girls changed in their waiting room. Kurt and Blaine were the last two dressed, and on the way back they passed a group of boys in navy school uniforms, looking like entitled rich kids. Kurt assumed these boys were Warblers.

“Hey killer, why don’t you return my calls?” Kurt stopped to look at the speaker, and to see who he was talking to. Blaine’s face had turned red and he turned to face the boy, who was skinny and had too much hair. “At least public school hasn’t ruined that fine ass.”

“Oh my god, Sebastian.” Blaine’s eyes went wide, and Kurt stopped, arms crossing over his chest. He wasn’t sure if he should stay with Blaine or leave. They weren’t friends but he was willing to stand up for him. For McKinley pride if nothing else.

Sebastian was eyeing Kurt. “I don’t know why you left if this is the best public school has to offer, I mean he’s not even - ”

Kurt took a step forward, he might not look like much, but he had the upper body strength of someone who threw humans into the air on a regular basis. Blaine stepped in front of him, putting a hand on Kurt’s arm as if to stop him from whatever he was going to do.

“Hey, guys, come on.” Finn came walking toward them. “We need to get ready.”

Sebastian laughed, glancing at all of them. “Maybe I’ll see you later, Blaine.”

“I - no. You won’t.” Blaine turned, pulling Kurt by the elbow toward Finn. Kurt was shocked enough by Blaine grabbing him that it took him a minute to form a retort.

“Not on good terms with your ex?”

Blaine looked at him, mouth open. “He’s not, it wasn’t like that. He’s not an ex.”

Kurt turned to watch Sebastian walk the opposite way down the hall. “Well if you’re still dating him you might want to take a good look at your relationship, because that guy - ”

“I’m not dating him, Kurt. He wasn’t my boyfriend.”

“Then what was he - ” They got to the door before he could finish his questions, and Blaine shot him a look that clearly said stop talking. Kurt stopped. He wasn’t even sure why he was pushing it. It was none of his business if this boy was Blaine’s ex boyfriend. None at all. He followed Blaine into their waiting area and joined the rest of the group getting ready for the performance.

They easily beat the competition with an inspired selection of Michael Jackson songs. Blaine’s lead on “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” had the entire auditorium on their feet, cheering and dancing, and they even flawlessly managed a costume change for the big finale. When the judge announced them as the winner they all jumped and hugged and cheered, just as they always did. Kurt was high-fiving and hugging randomly; Santana, Quinn, Brittany, and even Rachel threw themselves into his arms.

Kurt turned around in the crowd as they celebrated, and found himself wrapped in Blaine’s arms. Kurt returned the gesture before he even realized it was happening and he could feel Blaine sag into his body, as if he forgot where he was and who he was with, before quickly giving Kurt a squeeze and releasing him to move on to the next person.

Kurt stared at the back of Blaine’s head for a moment, but was snapped back into the moment by FInn’s arm around his shoulder. Kurt shook it off, it didn’t mean anything.

Once they had all made it back to the bus for the ride back to Lima, Kurt let himself think about what had happened. He convinced himself it was nothing, they were teammates and they had won a competition, and even if they were favorites to win it was still nice to be recognized. So they hugged. He hugged all of his teammates after a win.

WHen Kurt climbed on the bus he found Quinn and Puck had managed to claim the last row, with Brit and Santana in the row in front of them. The other glee couples had also paired off and overhead lights were snapping off even as he walked down the aisle. Kurt wasn't entirely sure that he'd enjoy making out with someone while listening to other couples make out too.

“That's all vaguely repulsive,” Kurt said, taking the empty seat next to Mercedes.

“Do not tell me that if you had someone to make out with on this miserable ride that you'd be sitting here next to me.”

Kurt laughed. “Maybe, but that's never going to happen in this crowd.” Kurt hadn't noticed Blaine sitting across the aisle, one row in front of him and Mercedes. Blaine turned around as Kurt spoke, staring at him just a second too long.

Kurt wasn’t really in the mood for a confrontation, so he just looked away without trying to start anything. He could find plenty to talk to Mercedes about on the trip home.

To Kurt’s relief, his invitation to audition for NYADA had arrived not long after Rachel had accosted him in the hall on the first day of the semester, and just a week after regionals he wound up driving a very chatty Rachel and a much less chatty Blaine to Columbus so they could sing for their prospective futures.

Kurt insisted they stop for coffee before they got on the road, to which Blaine had eagerly agreed. Rachel ordered tea with honey, causing Kurt to pause a little when he looked at his morning mocha as he picked it up from the counter. Blaine caught him hesitating.

“Change your mind?” Blaine took a long sip from his own coffee, waiting for Kurt to respond. He really didn’t need Blaine judging him for his coffee order. Or for drinking coffee at all. But Blaine was also drinking coffee.

Kurt frowned. “No. I want my coffee.” He looked at Rachel arguing with the barista about wanting to look at what type of honey she was going to be putting into her tea. Blaine turned to see what Kurt was looking at.

“Ah. Has coffee ever affected your vocal performance in the past?” Kurt shook his head. “What are you drinking?”

“Non-fat mocha,” Kurt answered.

Blaine scrunched up his face. “Well the dairy’s not the best idea, but it’s probably not enough to really do any damage,” Blaine assured him.

Rachel finally finished directing her tea to her specifications and joined them, beaming. “Are we ready?”

Once they were on the road they were all relatively quiet. Rachel wanted to save her voice for the auditions, and Kurt didn’t have all that much to say to either of them, if he was being honest. Blaine dozed in the back seat most of the way.

“I cannot believe I choked!” Rachel wailed in the passenger seat.

“You didn’t really choke, Rachel. You got through it all eventually,” Blaine tried to reassure her, his voice calmly irritating.

Kurt had been stunned when Rachel had forgotten the words to “Don’t Rain On My Parade” just a few bars in, but it had taken him a few minutes to realize what was happening.

The NYADA representative had called them all into the auditorium together, and Blaine had gone first, doing “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story. At first Kurt thought it had been a safe choice, a musical theater staple that they must hear 50 times a year at auditions, and he was underwhelmed. He thought Blaine could do better.

But Blaine was just so charismatic, despite all of his other very irritating qualities (like how could he be so patient with Rachel? She was one of the most annoying people Kurt had to deal with on a regular basis. And that was saying a lot considering how annoying Kurt found most people), that he was swept up in his performance.

Kurt had had to convince himself that he really couldn’t be blamed for finding Blaine attractive, as a performer of course. And Blaine was gay, so he technically wouldn’t mind another guy finding him attractive, right? He had seen Blaine nearly naked, after all, and Blaine hadn’t minded at all at the time. He didn’t really have to like him to find him attractive.

So yeah, Blaine had really killed his NYADA audition, and been entirely dreamy doing it.

That’s why Kurt could be entirely forgiven for not noticing Rachel getting herself into trouble right away. But he did notice when she forgot her lyrics a second time, after she was allowed to restart. Rachel had been singing the song since she was two years old, if her own claims were to be believed. The NYADA rep let her take a 60 second break and a sip of water, and she finally did get all the way through it, but she was clearly shaken at the beginning.

“What if I don’t get in? Where will I go to school? How will I get to New York and conquer Broadway?” Blaine was spending a lot of time trying to console her from the back seat. “I had planned to win a Tony by the time I was twenty-four Blaine!” She was practically shrieking.

“Where else did you apply Rachel? You're very talented and I'm sure there is a program that will work out.”

Rachel twisted in her seat so she could talk to Blaine directly, thank god. Kurt didn’t need to be involved in this.

“Nowhere else, Blaine. NYADA is the best place for me and it's the only place I'll accept.”

“Oh, wow, well in that case I hope it all works out.” Blaine mumbled a few more reassurances, but Kurt tried not to listen.

In fact, Kurt tried to ignore all of Rachel’s dramatic fussing. He had his own performance and acceptance to worry about.

Wanting to go with something unexpected and leave an impression, Kurt had performed “Not the Boy Next Door,” complete with gold lame pants and ass wiggling for his audition. It had seemed to go over well, but it was a risky choice and there was really no telling how it would fare against the more traditional auditions as they went through all of the applicants once the audition portion was over.

“That was an impressive audition, Kurt,” Blaine said, when Rachel was taking a break from predicting the tragic loss of her future career. Kurt glanced in the rearview mirror - Blaine's eyes were wide and he was focused on Kurt's reflection.

Kurt shrugged. “I was pretty confident going in, but now I'm having second thoughts. It's not an obvious choice. You were good.”

“No, that's why it was so great. Inspired, even.” Blaine was nodding, not taking his eyes off Kurt. Kurt smiled a thanks. “And thank you. I felt good.” Kurt could see him smile in the rear view mirror. It wasn’t the big, light up his face smile he usually offered people, though. This one was smaller. More personal. Kurt had to look away. It’s a good thing he was driving.

Eventually Rachel dozed off, but he and Blaine never really managed to strike up much of a conversation after that. Even so, every time Kurt looked in the rear view mirror he saw Blaine watching him. He always averted his eyes when Kurt caught him.

After Kurt dropped Blaine and Rachel off at their houses, he turned the music off to think. He didn’t need to complicate anything about his life right now, and thoughts about Blaine Anderson were not helping. He was less than four months from getting out of Ohio in one more or less sane piece and he did not need some cute guy to charm his way into his life. Where had he been three years ago?

He was supposed to have been a one night stand, for god’s sake.

By the time Kurt got home, dinner was over, so he took an apple up to his room, promising to come back down after a shower and eat more if he was hungry. Right now it wasn’t his stomach that was talking to him.

Kurt stripped, eating his apple in four bites. Leaving the core on his bedside table to deal with later, he stepped into his bathroom (he had insisted when his dad married Carole that he had to have his own bathroom. It was the only demand he made), turning on the shower until it ran warm and steamy, but not scalding.

In the privacy of his own shower, he closed his eyes and could easily see the expression on Blaine's face that night as he undid the buttons on Kurt’s shirt, feel the phantom memory of Blaine's barely there stubble against his cheek and chest. He could see the look on Blaine’s face, hear the tiny, thrilling gasp as he came.

Kurt sucked in a breath, bracing one hand against the tile wall of his shower, and wrapping the other around his cock.

The next week was tense for Kurt. His feelings about Blaine were confusing him, and he didn’t really want to unpack any of them. Avoidance was so much easier. He had decided over the weekend that there wasn’t time to know someone, and that was what Kurt wanted. He wanted more than the physical contact (although he definitely wanted that too). Blaine Anderson had fogged up enough of his thoughts.

By Thursday he was ready to break. Some of his classmates had started receiving college acceptance letters, and he had seen on the NYADA boards that they expected letters would go out this week. He didn’t know how accurate it was, but every day waiting he felt more brittle.

Kurt was sitting in the choir room, counting down the minutes until class started (and then he planned to count down the minutes until class ended) when Rachel came bursting into the classroom.

“Blaine! Kurt! Blaine!” She was waving a piece of paper in front of her and his heart sank. “They’re here!! I got in! Did you get your letters yet?” Her eyes were going in four directions at once. She looked like a maniac. “My dad got the mail and drove it right over during last period. Has anyone called you? Did your mail come yet?”

“Chill out Rachel,” Finn stopped her, patting her on the shoulder as he moved past her to sit down. Kurt knew Finn wasn’t that happy about Rachel moving to New York, because he wasn’t going to go with her. “I’m sure they’ll find out when they get home.”

Kurt barely knew what they did in class that day, running out without talking to anyone and driving straight home. He’d have time to get back for Cheerio practice.

He knew there wouldn’t be anyone home to get the mail, so when he pulled into the driveway he jumped out of the car, leaving it running in the driveway as jumped over the four steps and landed on the porch.

“Bill, bill, LL Bean catalog - you don’t need any more flannel for god’s sake dad,” Kurt ran down the mail out loud, looking for the envelope that would change his life. “New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. This is a small envelope.” Shit. He ripped it open.

Dear Mr. Hummel,

Thank you for your interest in the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. Unfortunately, while your audition showed promise of the kind we might normally be interested in, we had quite a number of talented applicants this year, and you simply did not make the final cut.

While we do not anticipate having a wait list for the upcoming semester, if you would like to reapply and audition again for the spring semester we would welcome the interest. NYADA often accepts students in the spring semester, as it is a competitive program.

Best wishes and good luck in your academic and career pursuits.

Sincerely,

Carmen Tibideaux

NYADA Admissions

Kurt tried not to cry, he really did.

When he was done feeling awful he texted Quinn.

Tell Coach I’m sick. Vomit everywhere. I’ll make it up next week.

Are you sick?

Yeah. Of everything.

#clinging to this hating game #prompt-a-klaine-fic #prompt-a-klaine-fic reverse bang #artist: datshitrandom #klaine fic

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sleepywinchester · 7 years

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Behind The Story S2 | Pt. 8

Summary: They say things never go as planned and oh were they right. When you are giving a second chance in life, you’re only just begun to live. A baby girl came to the world but it doesn’t mean their road is over yet. The story about their relationship and family while shooting Supernatural and attending Conventions continues…

Author: sleepywinchester [prev. deanwinchester-af]

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared and Cast Cameos.

Pairings: Single!Jensen x Actress!Reader (Nina Dobrev)

Words: 2.1k

Beta: @waywardlullabies

Warnings: Fluff. { slightly angst }

Disclaimer: NO HATE TOWARDS DANNEEL!

Title: To The Freakin’ Moon.

Note: Hope you guys like this one!!! Feedback is always appreciated it. (x)

Jensen: “Good trip so far?”

You: “She only dropped juice all over herself once and cried to the top of her lungs twice. It’s going great and everyone in this plane loves us.”

Jensen: “Ha! I’ll be in the lookout for viral videos of you sending someone to hell if they cross the line. Show em your mean right.”

You: “Funny. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is a jerk to us.”

Jensen: “I wouldn’t be surprise if you kick their asses.”

You: “You know me so well. She’s sleeping right now.”

Jensen: “Give her a kiss for me. Gotta go.”

After locking your phone, you looked down to the sleeping beauty in your arms. Knowing she rested peacefully in your arms melted your heart. She didn’t have a care in the world. You knew she was feeling cold when her tiny body curled towards you. The corner of your lip curved up watching her seek for warmth in you. Slowly and trying not to wake her up, you grabbed the pink blanket from your bag and covered her up.

The flight went on for two more hours until you finally landed in Vancouver. Jensen was waiting for you as you walked out of the airport. His smile got wider watching you walk towards him with the stroller. The sudden flashing lights interrupted the moment.

Jensen’s picked up his pace and reached you and JJ. He gave you a kick kiss on the lips before escorting you towards the car. You re-adjusted your bag and followed him closely towards the car.

“Are you okay after the accident, Y/N?”, “When’s the wedding?”, “Is there a wedding at all?!”, “You gotta put a ring on it, Jensen! She’s too hot!”.

“Hey!” Jensen glared at the men surround you, “Back off!” He snapped at the paparazzi who was reaching and going too far.

You and Jensen glared at the paparazzi was a forty something dude, he laughed and kept taking photos of the three of you. The both of you walked straight to his SUV. Neither of you spoke but it was obvious, neither of you were comfortable.

“I hate this,” you breathed out.

“That last one was an asshole,” Jensen put his seat belt on and glancing at JJ in her car seat. “At least they didn’t wake her up.”

You turned to glance at JJ, who is sleeping carelessly. The sight of your daughter made the uncomfortable feeling the paparazzi gave you drift away. Sometimes it blew your mind away how such a small human being had so much power over you.

“Yeah,” you smiled turned back to Jensen. “I missed you.”

Jensen flashed a grin and leaned forward, kissing your lips properly and without any rush this time. You haven’t seen him since Sunday morning when he left for work.

You stayed in Austin till Monday because Gen talked you about some amazing bridal stores. It was a bummer when after spending an entire day looking for a dress, you didn’t had any luck.

“How was your day?” You asked Jensen as he drove down the highway.

He played with your fingers as he drove, his eyes focused on the road.

“It was alright,” he shrugged, “the usual, lots of horsing around and acting.”

You chuckled softly. “Sounds awesome. My last two days were full of changing diapers and looking for my wedding dress and not having any luck.”

“When you put it like that, sounds horrible,” Jensen half smiled.

“Nah,” you cocked your head, glancing at the trees, “I love changing diapers.”

Jensen laughed, making a turn, “Sorry you didn’t have any luck with the dress.”

You shrugged, looking at him. “Maybe my dress is in LA or NY.”

“When are you going?” Jensen asked.

“I’m thinking when you leave for Rome with Jared,” you said undecided, “instead of going to Austin, I’ll meet with my mom in New York.”

Jensen nodded, “Sounds like a plan. Sucks that you’re not coming to Jus In Bello.”

You let a disappointed groan out, “It does! I love that freaking con but, mother duty calls.”

“Maybe we can take her next year,” Jensen said.

“Maybe,” you smiled. “I’m hungry.”

Jensen glanced at you, “Take out?”

“Yes, please,” you let out.

- - - -

Everyone on set greeted you with smiles, saying how beautiful JJ was and how fast she was growing. Whoever said babies grow up like plants was completely right. After hair and makeup, Ley,la one of the set assistants, let you know they needed you. You left JJ with the nanny in your trailer and headed to set.

The scene you were about to shoot was with Jensen and Jared in the bunker. There’s a new demon messing with the boys and, more specifically, messing with Dean’s. You shook your head when you remembered the scene Jensen had to do yesterday. Instead of going the usual way, today you decided to walk around the set and get in from the back, specifically Dean’s room. When you walked into set, your heart skipped a beat.

“What the hell?” You said out loud without thinking.

Jensen’s eyes were instantly on yours, “Babe!”

In that moment you realized they were still rolling and that you completely messed and barged into the scene. Jensen and a woman were in bed making out. Jensen was shirtless and the woman was shirtless as well.

Your eyes widened feeling stupid for reacting to a scene like this. “I’m sorry!” You let out. “I completely forgot you guys were filming this first. My bad.” You glanced around.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” the director walked in, “we just needed to re-shoot the kiss because yesterday’s was…” He cleared his throat, “too real?”

You arched an eyebrow, “What do you mean by too real?”

“Shit,” Jared appeared.

Jensen stood up from the bed, he wore shorts and put on a black shirt and the pants he’s supposed to wear now. The new actress stood up from the bed, wrapping the sheets around her body and walking away.

“Why is she doing the walk of shame in a set?” You blurred out and turned to Jared and the director.

“She’s naked,” the director said, “she said it would look more realistic. She didn’t had a problem with it and neither did we.”

Your jaw dropped after hearing what the director just said. “Excuse me?”

“Hey babe,” Jensen reached your side, this time being completely clothed.

Ignoring Jensen your eyes glanced everywhere, “Can someone explain me why the kiss was too real and why the hell is she naked?”

“She stuck her tongue out,” Jensen said, “it was nothing-”

It wasn’t nothing, it was everything but nothing. You didn’t want to make a scene and act extremely jealous but the thought of that woman being completely naked in a bed with Jensen made your blood boil. You didn’t understand why she stuck her tongue out while kissing Jensen.

Has she acted before? You can’t do that, not even you did it with Jensen and you were engaged. It was a television show, not a freaking porno. Even though you wanted to react and say your mind, you took a deep breath in and shake the thought away.

“We were messing their scene,” Jared spoke.

“I bet,” you faked a smile. “Are we gonna work or what?”

In that moment everyone went back to work and to prepare for your scene with Jared and Jensen. No one said a word but the air was clearly tense, even though everyone tried to ignore it and be like anything was happening.

“Action!” The director shouted.

“Hey, listen,” Jensen spoke to you with his Dean tone, “I don’t know how it got into my head!”

“Well,” you shot your arms to the air, “it clearly seemed like you enjoyed it!”

You swallowed trying to ease the lump building up in your throat. For the first time in your career, you didn’t had to fake being upset. Jensen knew you weren’t faking it, he saw the cloud of tears building up in your eyes.

“Kat,” Jensen spoke softly, “you’re the only woman I dream about. Her getting into my head was just messing around for this to happen.”

He didn’t say what was written in the script; He improvised his words. A single tear slips down your face. You shouldn’t be showing this much emotion. The script ask you to be extremely mad at Dean. It tells you to storm out of the room without listening to reason but you couldn’t make yourself do it.

Instead of walking out of the library, you stood there, in front of Jensen, barely keeping it together. Jensen reached you and wrapped you in his arms.

“I love you,” Jensen whispered on your ear.

“Cut!” The director said and walked to the scene.

You wiped away the tears and turned to the director.

“I don’t know what the hell was that about but,” the director sighed, “it was beautiful. We’re keeping that.” He told you and Jensen, “Next scene!”

Jensen turned to you as everyone walked away to prep for the next scene.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen told you. “Everyone was messing around and-,”

“- it’s okay,” you spoke with a weak smile, “I know you love me and I know you’ll never hurt me. It just took me by surprise seeing her naked on top of you…”

“You know it doesn’t mean anything,” Jensen said.

“I know,” you nodded, “and I hate watching you with another woman that close to you. I hate that the writers are adding this slut demon. But,” you sighed glancing away for a moment before locking your eyes with Jensen. “Is the job and I have to suck it up. ”

“How did I end up with such a cool chic?” Jensen placed his arm over your shoulder.

The corners of your lips curved up recognizing the line. “I don’t know,” you shrugged following his lead as the both of you walked. “Guess I have low standards.”

Jensen’s adorable eyes crinkles appeared as he smiled. Suddenly his fingers went down to your waist and started to tickle you. Instantly, you bursted in laughter and began to try escape his hands but it was worthless.

“Stop!” You giggled still trying to get away.

“Tell me how much you love me,” Jensen said through his laugh. When Jensen saw you shake your head and acted hard to get, he kept tickling you. “I won’t stop until you give in!” He shouted, ignoring the people around.

You giggled dropping your head backwards, “I-,” you shut your eyes, “Okay! I give in! You win!”

“How much you love me?” Jensen hold you close by your waist.

You sighed placing a hand on his chest and the other around his neck, “To the freakin’ moon.”

“That’s my girl,” Jensen flashed a grin and kissed you.

- - - -

You were walking out of the trailer with JJ on hands. Jensen was waiting in the parking lot to go home after a long day. Your daughter giggled at the funny face you gave her.

“You guys are so cute,” a woman’s voice suddenly spoke.

Looking up your eyes met with Claudia, the new guest actress. She stared at you and JJ, her small body blocking the way to the parking lot. You took a deep breath, adjusted JJ on your hip before speaking.

“Thanks,” you said, trying your best to stay polite.

“I’m Claudia,” she spoke.

“I know,” you replied, “Y/N.” You added a fake polite smile, “Nice to meet you.”

Claudia smiled back, “My pleasure! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long and after what happened this morning… I thought it was just right for me to formally introduce myself.”

“Oh,” you shifted the weight of JJ, “is alright, the scene just caught me off guard.”

“Still. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

You didn’t believe in her apology. The tone of it didn’t sound genuine, it sounded like she was acting. “If I’m being honest the only thing that made me feel uncomfortable was when Jensen told me you stuck your tongue out while kissing him.” Your tone wasn’t polite anymore.

“Oh,” Claudia’s eyes widen, “I’m sorry about that.”

“Are you really?” You cocked an eyebrow. “Look, I get it, Jensen is super hot. Maybe you found an opportunity and you took it. I know you’re staying and there’s going to be a lot of drama in the show with our characters. Let’s just keep it there, okay? I have a daughter with the man,” You spoke, tilting your head towards JJ, “and we’re getting married. We don’t need drama in our lives.” After letting her know how you felt, you walked away.

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#jensen ackles fics #nina dobrev fics #jensen ackles x nina dobrev #jensen x nina #jensen x reader #jensen fics #jensen fluff #jensen angst #single!jensen x reader #behind the story

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hum1020blog · 5 years

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Blog #4

“In a world of peace and love music would be the universal language.” —Henry David Thoreau

I believe that this is already the case in this chaotic and hate-filled world. No matter who someone is, if they hear a beat, they will get the urge to move. While it would be much more present and oft occurring in a world of love and peace, music still brings people together through happiness, enjoyment, and personal expression. Language and music are very similar already, having a basis for all thing of the respective kind: language has alphabets, in some shape or form around the world and music has notes that make up melodies and rhythms, similar to words. Anyone, no matter where they are from, could essentially pick up a beat and move to it. It doesn’t have to be good dancing, it just has to be genuine and part of who they are. Dancing is also like speaking in that sense, as no two people will have exactly the same way of dancing. Everyone has their own small quirks and habits that are sometimes expressed through speech, and it could just as well be expressed through dance.

Music is more than sound, it is communication. Taken from https://www.melbournerecital.com.au/events/2018/music-more-than-what-you-hear/

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the place between notes and curl my back to loneliness.”—Maya Angelou

I am almost constantly playing music. Whenever I’m doing work, relaxing, or going out, I have my headphones in and am listening to a multitude of songs in a row. I prefer it this way. I have somewhat sensitive hearing, so anything loud or extremely high pitched bothers me extremely, but headphones help me avoid the noises. The music that I listen to varies in scope, from classics like I Left My Heart in San Francisco by Tony Bennett to more modern R&B with Dean’s Half Moon. I do not need to bother with real life issues as much when I am listening to music. Of course, I get things done on time, but music is what enriches the experience. Music makes me feel better than when I am without it. Silence is always nice to have, but music is more fun at times.

youtube

D (Half Moon) by Dean ft. Gaeko. Taken from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6o4lmp7RAY

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”—Aldous Huxley

Music is able to express very complex emotions and feelings, most of which would be extremely difficult to put into words. Music expresses these things through tone, rhythm, and pitch. The tone can be expressed using varyingly deeper or farther sounding instruments, such as trumpets with mutes and trumpets without mutes. Slower or faster rhythms contribute the the sound of the music: faster rhythms can mean energy or stress, but a slower one can be more dramatic or somber. Pitch is also very important, and can be further developed into scales. Minor scales always have a different feeling than the major scale they were based on. The combination of these elements allows music to communicate emotions that words could not.

Elements of music. Taken from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/598345500462858199/?lp=true

Janaro, R. P., & Altshuler, T. C. (2012). The art of being human: The humanities as a technique for living (10th ed.). 🗽, NY: Pearson.

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newstfionline · 7 years

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On Campus, Failure Is on the Syllabus

By Jessica Bennett, NY Times, June 24, 2017

NORTHAMPTON, Mass.--Last year, during fall orientation at Smith College, and then again recently at final-exam time, students who wandered into the campus hub were faced with an unfamiliar situation: the worst failures of their peers projected onto a large screen.

“I failed my first college writing exam,” one student revealed.

The faculty, too, contributed stories of screwing up.

“I failed out of college,” a popular English professor wrote. “Sophomore year. Flat-out, whole semester of F’s on the transcript, bombed out, washed out, flunked out.”

“I drafted a poem entitled ‘Chocolate Caramels,’ “ said a literature and American studies scholar, who noted that it “has been rejected by 21 journals … so far.”

This was not a hazing ritual, but part of a formalized program at the women’s college in which participants more accustomed to high test scores and perhaps a varsity letter consent to having their worst setbacks put on wide display.

“It was almost jarring,” said Carrie Lee Lancaster, 20, a rising junior. “On our campus, everything can feel like such a competition, I think we get caught up in this idea of presenting an image of perfection. So to see these failures being talked about openly, for me I sort of felt like, ‘O.K., this is O.K., everyone struggles.’”

The presentation is part of a new initiative at Smith, “Failing Well,” that aims to “destigmatize failure.” With workshops on impostor syndrome, discussions on perfectionism, as well as a campaign to remind students that 64 percent of their peers will get (gasp) a B-minus or lower, the program is part of a campuswide effort to foster student “resilience,” to use a buzzword of the moment.

“What we’re trying to teach is that failure is not a bug of learning, it’s the feature,” said Rachel Simmons, a leadership development specialist in Smith’s Wurtele Center for Work and Life and a kind of unofficial “failure czar” on campus. “It’s not something that should be locked out of the learning experience. For many of our students--those who have had to be almost perfect to get accepted into a school like Smith--failure can be an unfamiliar experience. So when it happens, it can be crippling.”

Ms. Simmons would know. She hid her own failure (dropping out of a prestigious scholarship program in her early 20s; told by her college president that she had embarrassed her school) for close to a decade. “For years, I thought it would ruin me,” she said.

Which is why, when students enroll in her program, they receive a certificate of failure upon entry, a kind of permission slip to fail. It reads: “You are hereby authorized to screw up, bomb or fail at one or more relationships, hookups, friendships, texts, exams, extracurriculars or any other choices associated with college … and still be a totally worthy, utterly excellent human.”

A number of students proudly hang it from their dormitory walls.

Preoccupied in the 1980s with success at any cost (think Gordon Gekko), the American business world now fetishizes failure, thanks to technology experimentalist heroes like Steve Jobs. But while the idea of “failing upward” has become a badge of honor in the start-up world--with blog posts, TED talks, even industry conferences--students are still focused on conventional metrics of achievement, campus administrators say.

Nearly perfect on paper, with résumés packed full of extracurricular activities, they seemed increasingly unable to cope with basic setbacks that come with college life: not getting a room assignment they wanted, getting wait-listed for a class or being rejected by clubs.

“We’re not talking about flunking out of pre-med or getting kicked out of college,” Ms. Simmons said. “We’re talking about students showing up in residential life offices distraught and inconsolable when they score less than an A-minus. Ending up in the counseling center after being rejected from a club. Students who are unable to ask for help when they need it, or so fearful of failing that they will avoid taking risks at all.”

Almost a decade ago, faculty at Stanford and Harvard coined the term “failure deprived” to describe what they were observing: the idea that, even as they were ever more outstanding on paper, students seemed unable to cope with simple struggles. “Many of our students just seemed stuck,” said Julie Lythcott-Haims, the former dean of freshmen at Stanford and the author of “How to Raise an Adult.”

They soon began connecting the dots: between what they were seeing anecdotally--the lack of coping skills--and what mental health data had shown for some time, including, according to the American College Health Association, an increase in depression and anxiety, overwhelming rates of stress and more demand for counseling services than campuses can keep up with.

It was Cornell that, in 2010 after a wave of student suicides, declared that it would be an “obligation of the university” to help students learn life skills. Not long after, Stanford started an initiative called the Resilience Project, in which prominent alumni recounted academic setbacks, recording them on video. “It was an attempt to normalize struggle,” Ms. Lythcott-Haims said.

A consortium of academics soon formed to share resources, and programs have quietly proliferated since then: the Success-Failure Project at Harvard, which features stories of rejection; the Princeton Perspective Project, encouraging conversation about setbacks and struggles; Penn Faces at the University of Pennsylvania, a play on the term used by students to describe those who have mastered the art of appearing happy even when struggling.

“There is this kind of expectation on students at a lot of these schools to be succeeding on every level: academically, socially, romantically, in our family lives, in our friendships,” said Emily Hoeven, a recent graduate who helped start the project in her junior year. “And also sleep eight hours a night, look great, work out and post about it all on social media. We wanted to show that life is not that perfect.”

“For a long time, I think we assumed that this was the stuff that was automatically learned in childhood: that everyone struck out at the baseball diamond or lost the student council race,” said Donna Lisker, Smith’s dean of the college and vice president for student life. “The idea that an 18-year-old doesn’t know how to fail on the one hand sounds preposterous. But I think in many ways we’ve pulled kids away from those natural learning experiences.”

And so, universities are engaging in a kind of remedial education that involves talking, a lot, about what it means to fail.

“I think colleges are revamping what they believe it means to be well educated--that it’s not about your ability to write a thesis statement, but to bounce back when you’re told it doesn’t measure up,” said Ms. Simmons, the author of two books on girls’ self-esteem who is publishing a third, “Enough as She Is,” next year. “Especially now, with the current economy, students need tools to pivot between jobs, between careers, to work on short-term projects, to be self-employed. These are crucial life skills.”

If it all feels a bit like a “Portlandia” sketch, that’s because it actually was one: in which Fred and Carrie decide to hire a bully to teach grit to students, one who uses padded gym mats to make sure the children don’t actually get hurt.

Add “teaching failure” to nap pods (yes, those exist) and campus petting zoos (also common), and you’ve got to wonder, as a cover story in Psychology Today questioned last year: At what point do colleges end up more like mental health wards than institutions of higher learning?

“Look, I don’t think there’s anything fundamentally wrong with trying to create experiences that are calming,” said Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at Penn. “But I’d like to spend a bit more time figuring out what’s causing those stresses.”

Researchers say it’s a complicated interplay of child-rearing and culture: years of helicopter-parenting and micromanaging by anxious parents. “This is the generation that everyone gets a trophy,” said Rebecca Shaw, Smith’s director of residence life. College admissions mania, in which many middle- and upper-class students must navigate what Ms. Simmons calls a “‘Hunger Games’-like mentality” where the preparation starts early, the treadmill never stops and the stakes can feel impossibly high.

And there’s the adjustment, for many high-achieving students, of no longer being “the best and brightest” on campus, said Amy Jordan, the associate dean for undergraduate studies at Penn. Or what Smithies call “special snowflake syndrome.”

“We all came from high schools where we were all the exception to the rule--we were kind of special in some way, or people told us that,” said Cai Sherley, 20, seated in the campus cafe. Around her, Zoleka Mosiah, Ms. Simeon and Ms. Lancaster nodded in agreement. “So you get here and of course you want to recreate that,” Ms. Sherley said. “But here, everybody’s special. So nobody is special.”

Social media doesn’t help, because while students may know logically that no one goes through college or, let’s be honest, life without screw-ups, it can be pretty easy to convince yourself, by way of somebody else’s feed, “that everyone but you is a star,” said Jaycee Greeley, 19, a sophomore.

It is also a culture that has glorified being busy--or at the very least conflates those things with status. “There’s this idea that I’m not worthy if I’m not stressed and overwhelmed,” said Stacey Steinbach, a residential life coordinator at Smith. “And in some sense to not be stressed is a failing.”

It’s what Ms. Simmons calls “competitive stress”: the subject of her afternoon workshop on the campus lawn, to which she was luring students with ice cream and bingo.

When students arrived, the sundaes were there. But the bingo cards were a little different--filled with things like “I have 20 pages to write tonight,” “I’m too busy to eat” and “I’m so dead.” It was called “Stress Olympics.”

“It’s basically a play on competitive suffering,” said Casey Hecox, a 20-year-old junior. “It’s when we’re like, ‘I have three tests tomorrow.’ And then someone’s like, ‘I have five tests tomorrow, and all I’ve eaten is 5-hour Energy, and my dog is sick.’”

#failure #teaching failure #Smith College #competitive stress

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firstumcschenectady · 7 years

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“Perplexing” based on Acts 2:1-18 and John 20:19-23

Drew, today's confirmand, planned this worship service. He had a lot of leeway. I was surprised at how little of it he used, and how intentional he was in the decisions he did make. Drew likes worship the way we usually do it, but there were some tweaks. Please pay attention to the labeling of the music at the beginning and end of worship ;)

Some of the leeway Drew had was in picking the scriptures for today. He asked what was traditionally read on this day and we read together the Pentecost texts from the Revised Common Lectionary, year A. After questions about the texts themselves, he decided that we should read the two different versions of the Pentecost story from Acts and John. When we discussed the sermon he suggested that I compare and contrast the stories, and then pull out the meaning that is in both of them for all of us.

I like this young man's idea of a sermon ;)

The Christian liturgical calendar follows the Luke-Acts narrative about Pentecost, placing it 50 days after Easter. The Greek ordinal number for 50? Pentecosto. Pentecost was a part of the Jewish Celebration of Booths (sometimes called Tabernacle), celebrated 50 days after the Passover, and was a harvest festival. Luke's placement of the coming of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost is saturated with meaning. The harvest festival becomes a harvest of new Jesus followers. The harvest festival was celebration of the bounty as a sign of of God's care for the people, and Luke reimagines it as a celebration of God's care for the people through the sending of the Holy Spirit.

It is on this basis that Christianity celebrates the Season of Easter for 50 days, starting on Easter Sunday and culminating in Pentecost. We do it because Luke and Acts tell us that the gift of the Spirit came 50 days later.

John, however, disagrees. Neither Matthew nor Mark present any version of this story, so the debate is simply between Luke-Acts and John. (Ah, I should explain my language. Luke and Acts are written by the same person and meant to be parts 1 &2 of the same book, however the order of the New Testament messes this up.) John's gospel places the gift of the Holy Spirit on Easter evening. We may sometimes gloss over this story, because it gets used as an opening to the story about Thomas, who wasn't there when the Spirit was given. The story is less often heard standing alone, and it didn't get prime attention in the creation of the Christian calendar, which prefers Luke's version.

The stories are VERY different. Luke-Acts takes place in the morning, a fact we are reminded of because Jesus' followers are again being accused of being drunk. John's version takes place at night. Luke-Acts's version happens in public, others see the impact of the Spirit, and they hear the preaching, and many are converted. John's version involves a large group of disciples as well, but without an audience. There is more FUSS in Luke-Act's version, more description of the event, more of a miraculous feel. John's version is relatively quiet. It mostly focuses on Jesus speaking.

In Luke-Acts, the crowd responds to the disciples speak. It says they were amazed, bewildered, and perplexed. The movement of the Spirit and its impact seemed startling, and not in particularly comfortable ways. The Spirit is known to blow as she will, and that often makes people uncomfortable.

(An aside: the last time I read about the Spirit, the Bible translation I read from referred to the Spirit with feminine pronouns. Afterward I was asked about it, and had the chance to share the fact that the Spirit's pronouns in Hebrew are feminine, and some translators follow the Hebrew, despite the fact that in Greek the Spirit is gender neutral and in Latin the Spirit is masculine. Since the Creator most often gets male pronouns in the Bible, I also tend to want to follow the Hebrew pronouns for the sake of balance within our conceptions of God.)

In both texts the Spirit comes to the Body as a WHOLE. The Spirit is NOT received by one person, but instead by many. In Luke-Acts, given that the occurrence is during a Jewish pilgrimage festival, faithful Jews had filled the city to be witnesses, but the people in the house together all receive the gift together.

The writer in the New Interpreter's Bible, has a fantastic comment on the fact that the faithful Jews from around the diaspora took note that the Galilean men were speaking to them in their languages. They could still tell that the men were Galilean, including by their speech. Robert Wall says, “The language of the Spirit is not communicated with perfect or heavenly diction, free from the marks of human identity; it is the language of particular human groups, spoken in their idiom. God works in collaboration with real people – people who are filled with the Spirit to work on God's behalf in their own world.”1 I rather love that idea. The Spirit moved, and certainly in unexpected ways, but still worked within the people as they were, including with their existent accents!

Now, likely because of the tradition doing so, I associate the story in Acts as the normative Pentecost story, which means that I'm intrigued by the version in John. As previously mentioned, it also involves the Spirit coming to a group of Jesus followers, it was likely NOT just the 12 because John doesn't tend to think in terms of just the 12 and he didn't designate them as such. A group of followers were simply gathered, and they had an experience of the Risen Christ, which IMMEDIATELY involved receiving the gift of the Spirit.

Jesus speaks in five sentences, and two of them are saying “Peace be with you.” This is a particularly apt greeting for the frightened followers who had fearfully locked themselves into an upstairs room - after hearing the women's Easter story! The double naming of peace both sounds like a traditional greeting imbued with God AND serves as a reminder that fear need not define their lives. Those faithful disciples were going to face significant persecution in coming days and years, but Jesus, God, AND the Spirit were calling them to do so in a different way, with the Peace of God within them.

In this version the gift of the Spirit is the gift given so that the followers of Jesus can continue his work, they become HIM and are empowered to do as he had done. He was sent, so they are sent. He breaths on them as God has breathed on the first humans in Genesis. A new life is beginning, one that is defined by peace.

Now, I have never much liked the LAST line of this passage, John 20:23, which has Jesus saying, “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." My objections aren't particularly deep. I j shy away from sin language, as I've too often seen it lead to guilt and shame rather than to a free and abundant life of peace and joy with God.

However, Gail O'Day's commentary on John (also in the New Interpreter's Bible) fixed a lot of problems for me, and made me rather glad that line was included. She says that, “In John, sin is a theological failing, not a moral or behavioral transgression (in contrast to Matt. 18:18). To have sin is to be blind to the revelation of God in Jesus.”2 Furthermore, given this understanding, “The forgiveness of sins must be understood as a Spirit-empowered mission of continuing Jesus' work in the world.”3 And, finally, this work is the work of the community, and never one person alone.

So, let me see if I can remake those words so they fit with O'Day's insights. But maybe first, you should know that Gail O'Day is Dean and Professor of New Testament and Preaching at Wake Forest School of Divinity, and was previously professor of homeletics at Candler school of Theology at Emory. She's an amazing scholar, and especially well respected as a scholar of the Gospel of John. Following her insights, it would be as if Jesus said, “If you work together to help people see God at work in the world, they will be free from their fears and able to live in peace with you. If you leave people in the fear they already know, there they will stay, without the blessings that you now live with.”

In O'Day's reflections on this text, she continually turns back to John 14-17, which is called the Farewell Discourse. Within it are the defining words, in John 15:12, “ ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” O'Day reflects on the continuity between the passages, “By loving one another as Jesus loves, the faith community reveals God to the world”4 Thus, the seemingly problematic line that the institutional church has often used to claim authority over people's lives and access to forgiveness is really about inviting the followers of Christ to share God's love, and in doing so to show other people the possibility of living life in peace, love, joy, and freedom from fear.

Perhaps it isn't so perplexing after all. Perhaps the story of Pentecost is the story we already know: God calls us to love one another and be examples of the gracious and abundant love of God in the world. And that can change everything, because it is the completion of the Easter narrative – no matter when it happened ;). Thanks be to God for the opportunity we have to extend love into the world. Amen

1Robert W. Wall, New Interpreter's Bible Volume X: Acts Leander E. Keck editorial board convener (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2002) 58.

2Gail O'Day, New Interpreter's Bible Volume IX: John, Leander E. Keck editorial board convener (Nashville: Abingdon Press,1995) 847.

3O'Day, 847

4New Interpreter's Bible, John, 848.

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/ https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

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michaelfallcon · 4 years

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Announcing The Sprudge Twenty Class Of 2020—Presented By Pacific Barista Series

Hello! Welcome to the official announcement of The Sprudge Twenty, presented by Sprudge and Pacific Barista Series.

This is the second class of Sprudge Twenty honorees, part of a new annual tradition honoring and amplifying leaders in the global coffee community in partnership with Pacific Barista Series. Pacific is dedicated to championing leadership and excellence in the coffee industry, and to supporting coffee culture as it happens worldwide.

That support and commitment happens in good times and bad. Here in the spring of 2020 the global coffee industry and the people behind it are threatened with an unprecedented challenge in the face of COVID-19. And yet, this moment makes highlighting the incredible work of individuals around the world even more important. These twenty people are changing the game in coffee, doing work that challenges and excites us, from every step of the coffee value chain: entrepreneurs and coffee producers, baristas and cafe owners, career coffee professionals, and those whose careers are just starting, competition success stories, and folks working quietly behind the scenes, leading by example. All of them have been impacted by current events; all of them have stories worth championing as loud as possible, now more than ever.

From a massive list of nominees around the world, below please find the Second Annual Sprudge Twenty class presented by Pacific Barista Series. We hope these stories will bring a smile to your face—as they have to ours—but many also include a call to action, a way to get involved to support the various projects and causes represented by our incredible global class. Each one of these members will receive a spotlight feature in the coming weeks on Sprudge, so get ready to know them a little better. For now, read on to discover the Sprudge Twenty presented alphabetically, and thank you.

Want to nominate someone in your community for the next Sprudge Twenty class? The nomination schedule for the 2021 Sprudge Twenty presented by Pacific Barista Series will be announced this fall. Sign up for the Sprudge Newsletter and never miss an update.

Kat Adams, Cold Brew City Fest

Kat Adams (Photo courtesy Kat Adams)

“Kat Adams participates in the USBC Championships, is one of the organizers of Cold Brew City Fest, and has brought attention to gender identity to the coffee community in southern California. Recipient of the Q-Grader scholarship from Wrecking Ball and an amazing and talented coffee professional.” Nominated by Pablo Lara

Kathy Altamirano, Counter Culture Coffee

Kathy Altamirano (Photo by Sprudge)

“Kathy Altamirano exemplifies everything that the Sprudge Twenty is about. She works as tirelessly and enthusiastically at building a stronger, more inclusive local coffee community as she does judging the Finals at the World Brewers Cup and every step in between. When I would organize local coffee events, Kathy was always the first to volunteer, and she would be the first person to arrive and the last to leave. I’ve never met anyone who genuinely cares about building a better coffee community at all levels as much as Kathy does, and more importantly, she actively works (often thanklessly) toward creating it.” Nominated by Zac Cadwalader

Brittany Amell, Royal Coffee NY

Brittany Amell (Photo courtesy Brittany Amell)

“She is the super friendly barista that makes coffee approachable, but the green coffee version. Treating customers like you want to help them, and answer questions and be a totally great human being while doing it. If there was green coffee trading competitions she would blow everyone away.” Nominated by Arsalan Pourmand

Dandy Anderson, Stumptown Coffee

Dandy Anderson (Photo by Liz Dean)

“Dandy exudes quiet, unassuming leadership and that is exactly what makes them such a needed voice in our industry. Dandy is empathetic, understanding, patient, firm, and also pragmatic.They are generous with their time, energy, spirit, kindness, and heart. Their ideologies on the workplace, team dynamics, and what it means to be a leader makes me hope there’s a day I can call them a colleague. For now, I’m so lucky to call them a peer and also a friend.” Nominated by Kendra Sledzinski

Virginia Bauman, Go Get Em Tiger

Virginia Bauman (Photo by Jessica Zollman)

“I joined Go Get Em Tiger in July 2018 thanks to my now manager, Virginia Bauman, seeing a Facebook post I’d made announcing I was looking for steady work. I’d been pursuing a career in freelance commercial photography since 2007 and it was time for me to take my skills into a structured space that would still provide me with some creative freedom. Virginia brought me in as Visual Coordinator at GGET and has done so much more than given me room to take creative risks; she’s actively encouraged, supported, and pushed me to think beyond what I believe is possible. She’s fostered a culture of transparency, vulnerability, accountability and personal growth that has allowed me and my co-workers to flourish. All while operating an LGBTQIA+ coffee shop of her own, Cuties Coffee, in the heart of Los Angeles. Virginia exemplifies the future of coffee.” Nominated by Jessica Zollman

Noa Berger, Paris, France

Noa Berger (Photo by Lucie Sassiat)

“Noa Berger is a Ph.D. candidate at the EHESS Paris, studying the social construction of quality in the Brazilian and French specialty coffee markets. She is incredibly active within the French coffee scene but also the larger specialty coffee industry. Noa is one of the main reasons I have opened up my mind to many of the anthropological questions coffee asks and she is responsible for many in-depth conversations …we are so grateful to have someone like her invest her mind, time, and energy in our industry. Noa is definitely someone to look up to and be inspired by.” Nominated by Mihaela Iordache

Estelle Bright, La Marzocco UK

Estelle Bright (Photo courtesy Estelle Bright)

“Estelle has been in the industry for fifteen years, once an incredible barista pacing the way for the young baristas in the London scene today—she’s done everything from barista, trainer, coffee delivery driver and now heads up all things technical for La Marzocco UK.” Nominated by James Stelling

Allie Caran, Partners Coffee

Allie Caran (Photo courtesy Allie Caran)

“Allie Caran is the Director of Coffee Education at Partners Coffee and has been with the company since 2012. At Partners Coffee, Allie oversees the company’s broad range of educational offerings, from their public Brew School courses for consumers to Partners Coffee’s wholesale barista training programs and more.” Nominated by Angela Pizzimenti

Amaris Guttierez-Ray, Women In Coffee

Amaris Guttierez-Ray (Photo by Roberta Duarte)

“While Amaris’s Central American heritage and direct family ties in Nicaragua give passion and a unique perspective to her work, she has applied her academic training in research techniques to the science of coffee roasting, QA/QC systems, and the complicated business of the coffee supply chain.

Amaris started at Joe Coffee Company in 2015 as a part-time barista at our Pro Shop. In 2016, she joined our roasting team as a Production Roaster, bringing some years of roasting and management experience, and quickly moved into the Director of Roasting position. She has also established herself in the larger coffee community by creating the Women in Coffee project, a volunteer-run project aiming to highlight the voices of women throughout the coffee supply chain. In her “downtime” from work at Joe, Amaris puts her academic skills to use galvanizing the coffee community by cultivating transparency and providing forums for women to share the stories and experiences that would otherwise be obscured by innate and inequitable gender dynamics.” Nominated by Jonathan Rubinstein

Bartholomew Jones, Cxffeeblack

Bartholomew Jones (Photo by Erin Kim)

“I first stumbled on Bart via his project Cxffeeblack late 2019. He released this coffee that was called “Guji Mane”, a natural process coffee with a very punny name. Didn’t think much of my man passed that but I started following him and his coffee project. The longer I followed him the more I came to realize that his genuine positive mindset and knack for education for sure set him apart from any of my newer peers. He has tasked himself to educate this surrounding area about their connection to coffee(which in Memphis, can’t be easy) and did so without othering anyone.” Nominated by Cameron Heath

Lauren Lathrop, Mill City Roasters

Lauren Lathrop (Photo by Mill City Roasters)

“There are a plethora of wonderful head judges on the US Barista Competition Committee, but Lauren’s linguistic talents, when supporting her judging panels, is why she was the perfect person to lead us. Lauren has the wonderful ability to speak with articulate, complex, brevity yet makes the subject entertaining and digestible.

She displays compassion for all her judges, and empathy for all the competitors. She encourages us all to be better people, not just judges, through her unconscious bias training, and general demeanor….She is a specialty coffee role model, and professional inspiration, and thoroughly deserves the recognition that a Sprudgie would provide.” Nominated by Barnaby Holmes

Angie Katherine Molina Ospina, Insignia Coffee

Angie Katherine Molina Ospina (Photo by Paula Molina)

“Angie and her husband Jhon founded Insignia Coffee. Angie is a dedicated, passionate, and exceptional in the specialty coffee industry in Colombia. She volunteers her time to help others, is a dedicated volunteer in coffee events, and works with many coffee farmers and organizations.” Nominated by Paul Kevin Doyle

Jacob King, GYST Coffee Training

Jake King (Photo courtesy Jake King)

“Glitter Cat alum Jacob King is working on a free training project called GYST, has been heavily involved in the Black coffee community and is just a genuine dude. I am excited to see him grow as a barista and how he pushes the community forward for coffee in the southeast.” Nominated by Connan Moody

Ellan Kline, Ritual Coffee

Ellan Kline (Photo by RJ Joseph)

“In her five years in the Bay, Ellan has been instrumental in building a large, thriving community of trans coffee professionals at various tiers of the industry. When she moved here, she was the only visibly trans person in her company. Over the 5 years since, she has persisted in her growth and worked her way into various roles through sheer undeniability, skill, and dedication, and left the door wide open for others, fighting to help them see themselves and the growth they deserve. Now, it’s easy to go into a coffee shop in the Bay Area and find multiple trans baristas behind the bar. She would never take even the smallest amount of credit for that, but I’ve watched her work, her humility, and her persistence, and I see the series of stepping stones she’s laid for others. She is humble yet unapologetic about her skills and experience. She never felt the need to prove anything to anyone, and yet she has. She works quietly without the need for recognition, but she deserves it.” Nominated by RJ Joseph

Ever Meister, Cafe Imports

Ever Meister (Photo by Victor J. Pagán)

“Ever is a force for good in our industry: She’s a thoughtful, empathetic, and intuitive communicator focused on many of the complex issues at hand today. Outside of her work as Editorial Manager and Director of Education at Café Imports, Ever has produced valuable content across written features, presentations, and podcasts. Right now, she’s leaning into some really big questions around specialty coffee marketing ethics and grappling with how we can work towards a more equitable coffee industry. Ever is one of those rare communicators who manages both prolificacy and quality.” Nominated by Jenn Rugolo

Felipe Sardi, La Palma y El Tucan

Felipe Sardi (Photo by Felipe Sardi)

“I would like to nominate Felipé because first, he is a great human. He shares his knowledge and he is very open to sharing his experience. His farm is following sustainable processes and a permaculture system. The farm is admirable. He is taking a big part in his community with the neighbors and crops program, and in the process changing the processes and quality in the Cundinamarca region. He also participates in the Glitter Cat Project providing coffees. He is a big actor in specialty coffee in Colombia and tries at maximum to make the community and the share of knowledge in the first place.” Nominated by Clementine Labussiere

Kendra Sledzinski, Philadelphia

Kendra Sledzinski (Photo courtesy Kendra Sledzinski)

“How do I put into words how Kendra has affected my life and countless others? We met at Joe Coffee in New York five years ago and hit it off right away. Who was this friendly person, I wanted to know! Soon I became aware of Kendra’s influence in the coffee community of Philadelphia. When I went to visit her, everywhere we went, she knew someone. Kendra constantly went above and beyond in Philly to encourage professional development and community with the Joe staff and baristas of Philly—doing palate development and cuppings that were never required, but she knew how to make baristas stay. She works hard for her community, and works hard to lift other people up—and she does so selflessly. Thank you Kendra!” Nominated by Kayla Baird

Ramsey Smith, Virgin Islands Coffee Roasters

Ramsey Smith (Photo courtesy Ramsey Smith)

“The dividends of Ramsey’s labor and sacrifice are just now beginning to start paying off. His business, Virgin Islands Coffee Roasters, is now in many of the local resorts, grocery stores, and even the airport. His company was now apart of the U.S Virgin Island experience and culture. However, his business and all of his customer business was devastated by Hurricane Irma which struck on September 6, 2017. However they now bigger than ever and have exceed their size prior to the storms. They have a brand new café that you recently did a piece on and they also opened another roastery in Florida as well as the roastery in the U.S Virgin Islands. This is why he is my hero. He has weathered the storm and never lost faith.” Nominated by John Coyne

Oliver Stormshak, Olympia Coffee

Oliver Stormshak (Photo by Charlie Voohris)

“I’d like to nominate Oliver Stormshak, owner of Olympia Coffee, for his work with coffee producers and the Fair For All initiative. Fair For All is the culmination of years of hard work and passion for Oliver. He pushes the boundaries of our industry norm and continuously strives for higher quality of life for everyone involved in the supply chain. Guaranteeing things like sustainable wages for everyone involved, only choosing to work with producers who support the kind of quality of life and transparency he believes in and taking the time, energy, and resources to visit producers every year to provide feedback and develop relationships; Fair For All is true step towards a sustainable future for our industry ensuring that people see coffee farming as a viable career option.” Nominated by Richelle Parker

La Nisa Williams, Barista Life LA

La Nisa Williams (Photo courtesy La Nisa Williams)

“La Nisa is a long time coffee professional and freelance trainer who has helped built the coffee programs of many cafes and restaurants in the LA area, most notably places owned and operated by Black people and people of color. Her work here in LA resonates throughout the community and she inspires people who initially have little interest in coffee into a deep appreciation. I see her at every nearby event working, volunteering, soaking up information, and offering her expertise to become a better professional just so she can share it with others. Her focus on businesses that are often overlooked to the rest of the specialty coffee scene here is beyond just admirable—it’s the Lord’s work (lol) and she makes our coffee community here as a whole so much better.” Nominated by Michelle Johnson

Visit Sprudge.com/twenty for more on the Sprudge Twenty presented by Pacific Barista Series. Watch for upcoming interviews with each member of the 2020 class right here on Sprudge!

Announcing The Sprudge Twenty Class Of 2020—Presented By Pacific Barista Series published first on https://medium.com/@LinLinCoffee

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