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venusgirltarot · 5 months

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Your Idea of Them vs. What They’re Really Like

☆ ミ book a reading with me ☆彡

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Pile 1 — [♡];

The energy here isn’t what I was expecting, Pile One. I think it’s something you really need to hear, though. I think you know what this person is really like and I think that’s why you’ve decided to walk away from them. For some of you, you’ve already done this and for others I think you’re still thinking about it. For those of you that have, you may be thinking about going back or maybe there’s just a small part of you that wonders if you made the right decision but please trust yourself and know that you did. If you have fully made the decision to walk away yet, know that it’s the right decision.

You may have been in a long term relationship with this person and are just now seeing a different side to this person. I keep hearing 3 or 4 years? They may have just started acting easily irritable, careless, not as loving as they once were. You no longer felt safe, loved, and appreciated with this person. Maybe something happened in their life or something with their family caused some sort of change or shift within them? I’m not completely sure.

If you no longer feel happy or safe in a connection then please don’t stick around in hopes of change. Accept nothing less than what you deserve and let go of what is no longer serving you. Some of you may have children with this person or maybe you have children of your own or something. Only take that if it resonates. Those of you who have not left yet may be nervous about the outcome of leaving or wondering if it’s the right decision, please trust what your intuition is telling you and walk away if that is what your intuition is saying. You will flourish outside of this connection and things will get so much better for you. Its going to be okay. You have far more strength and independence within you than you realize and you are capable of far more than you think you are.

I hope you’re doing well, Pile One and if no one else has told you today, please know that I am proud of you. ❤️

Pile 2 — [♡];

Pile Two, I don’t think your person really expected you. I’m having a hard time finding how you view them because I feel their energy so strongly. They hold a space for you but I think they try to avoid or deny that space if that makes sense. I’m having a hard time explaining it. Their feelings/emotions are so conflicting. It’s like there’s potential for them to fall deeply in love with you but they’re fighting it so hard. I’m not sure why though because they know you wouldn’t hurt them. They have such a soft spot for you.

They may have had an idea of what their life was supposed to look like and what their next step was but you came along and kind of changed things for them and they don’t know if they want that. I heard “if only I had a little more time” they may have wanted to be at a different place in their life when you came along and they worry this will become a “right person wrong time” sort of situation. They may also cuss a lot because I’m hearing lots of that. “I need to get my shit together” and “I fucked up in a bad way”. There was a point in the reading where I was crying because I was so emotional.

You don’t really need this person and maybe that’s what scares them. You have options and may come off as very independent and confident in yourself. I heard “this could hurt me more than it could hurt you” they seem to think they have more at risk here for some reason. You have a parental/motherly energy that they love about you. You’re empathetic and caring. You care for them but maybe more in a subtle way. You’re not overbearing in the way you check up on them. You may be sort of sassy/quick witted and they really like that, as well. I wonder if they don’t fantasize about long term commitment and children with you. Very rarely or maybe even just once but it may have crossed their mind. They’re afraid to let themselves open up or get close to you because they know the way you’d treat them and care for them when you really got to know the real them would make them fall deeply in love with you and they don’t want that. They’re fighting their feels very hard, Pile Two.

I hope that this person gets it together and opens up to you, Pile Two but I can’t promise that they will. Don’t wait around if you don’t feel that’s what you want to do. I can’t give you a timeline or promise that this person will come forward so you will really have to follow your own intuition here. I truly hope it works out in your favor, Pile Two.

Pile 3 — [♡];

I think there’s a more serious side of this person that they don’t want you to see. To you, they like to come off as well established and sure of themselves. They carry a lot of weight on their shoulders and could become easily stressed with work related stuff. They may be some sort of boss of CEO. For some of you, this may be someone that’s very successful and financially well off.

You help them a lot with this stress without realizing it. You’re like a safe haven to them. You don’t see them as a boss or someone with all the answers and you’re not dependent on them in any way. They can just enjoy their time with you and you have no expectations of them. They really appreciate you and your energy.

This feels like a newer connection. You’re still getting to know each other but could be starting to see each other more seriously and wanting to groin and establish something more serious with one another. I think they’ll share all of this with you when the time is right because they do want more with you and see you as someone they want to be with long term.

Your person has a very mature energy. They could be older than you. They’re very intelligent and well establish but they may be a little too hard in themselves quite often.

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erinkeifer · 7 months

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ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕔𝕠𝕕𝕖 - ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕀𝕀

[Anakin Skywalker x Padawan!Fem Reader]

Masterlist | Wattpad | AO3 Not My Code Masterlist

Summary: After last night, during which you got to know your Master from a completely different perspective, you can't seem to gather yourself. You should start this day as usual, but how is it possible when you'll have to look into his eyes for the first time after everything, and tonight you both agreed to finish your work?

Word Count: 4,3k

You woke up with a terrible headache, and the beam of the illuminated Coruscant seeping through the partially opened curtain only worsened the situation. You had only fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, restlessly pacing around your room for most of the night. Despite Anakin's request for you to rest and recover, you just couldn't. Rubbing your eyes, you stumbled to the edge of the bed and sat down, gazing at your torn-to-shreds jumpsuit still lying on the floor. A shiver ran down your spine at the thought of Anakin's hands tearing it apart earlier, but you knew you had to snap back to reality as quickly as possible. Keep your emotions in check... Oh, how much you despised those words. Everything was fine until you glanced at the clock. The council meeting. Yes, you were supposed to attend a council meeting that day, and suddenly your heart raced for a reason far from your ideal scenario. "Fuck," you muttered to yourself under your breath, kicking the shreds of fabric under the bed and rushing towards the wardrobe. As quickly as you could, you donned the black and brown robes and slipped into black, slightly snug pants with matching, tall boots that still bore the memories of the Clone Wars. The thought of having to look your Master in the eyes for the first time after everything that had happened in that room was eating you up inside. Before leaving your quarters, you managed to quickly steady your breath and run your fingers through your long, wavy hair - you rarely let it down for council meetings, but this time it seemed like the most comfortable option. Stepping into the hall, a million scenarios raced through your mind, and none of them felt right. You had no idea how to act, but there was no time for planning – the council meeting room was just around the corner. It was too late. As your hand touched the cold doorknob, you felt the doors opening, and you stepped back to make way for anyone exiting the room. "Well, gentlemen, I believe everything is clear and straightforward for now," resonated Obi-Wan's voice, who was holding the door for Master Windu and Anakin. However, before you could catch a glimpse of your Master, Chancellor Palpatine's voice requested him to stay in the room, and the doors closed behind the two Masters. "Ma'am" both Masters bowed as their gaze discreetly pinpointed your silhouette peeking out from behind the door. "Masters," you reciprocated with a bow, your hands resting behind your back. "For today, that will be all. Taking advantage of your presence, I'd like to congratulate and express my gratitude for your swift actions yesterday. General Skywalker has briefed us thoroughly. We owe a lot to your rapid response." said Windu, alternating his gaze between you and Obi-Wan. 'Congratulations... to me?' you thought at that moment, wondering what Anakin had conveyed to the council. "Well, I believe it's as clear as day that any threat to the Order must be neutralized," you replied with a smile, striving to maintain an appropriate mood and conceal your doubts. "And may it continue that way. Now, I must apologize, but my duties call," Windu responded with a smile, then nodded in farewell and headed in the opposite direction of the corridor. You and Obi-Wan stood in silence for a moment, waiting for Windu to disappear from your view. Then you spoke up first, not entirely sure what reaction to expect from Obi-Wan. "General... I wanted to deeply apologize for..." "You don't need to apologize for anything. As you heard, you're justified," Obi-Wan interrupted, directing an empathetic gaze in your direction. You smiled softly and felt a moment of relief, but you sensed that a certain kind of tension still hung over you.

"You see... Whether I like it or not, Anakin has inherited from me the gift of turning a blind eye to certain matters, but it doesn't mean that I would have acted the same way today." Obi-Wan continued, and you had the impression he was scrutinizing you. He still gestured as if he had something on the tip of his tongue, so you didn't have the courage to interject. "Whatever it was, you're lucky your Master is covering for you." Obi-Wan finished in a much more serious tone, and a nervous shiver ran through your entire body. "But I..." You began to respond nervously, but Obi-Wan didn't let you finish, as if he knew your explanation wouldn't change anything. "May the Force be with you." he said, looking at you with an uncertain and somewhat sad smile, then stepped into the elevator whose doors had just opened. It was a moment when you felt like you had disappointed your own father - and although you often played rebellious in front of Kenobi, in a way, you always cared not to lose his favor. Simultaneously with the sound of the departing elevator, you heard the doors opening. Just the sight of Anakin's robes emerging from the threshold sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn't imagine what you would feel when you had to look him in the eyes. You could immediately get the impression that Anakin hadn't had much rest last night - he had slight dark circles under his eyes, and his hair wasn't as neatly arranged as it usually was during council meetings - but you could say that every imperfection added a charm to him, which you had always romanticized.

"Master." you bowed before him, avoiding his gaze, which quickly landed on you after leaving the room. Anakin reciprocated your gesture, closing the door behind him and walking past you, signaling for you to follow. You took a few steps away from the meeting place and stopped in a secluded spot to avoid feeling observed.

"I presume Windu and Obi-Wan conveyed to you what's most important." Anakin spoke first, not hesitating to scan your eyes that were evading his.

"Well... you could call it that, but..." you began to respond, trying not to reveal your unease in your voice.

"But?" Skywalker interjected, sensing your hesitation.

"I suspect that Obi-Wan wasn't... Enthusiastic about me. I don't know what he found out, but I have a bad feeling about it." you finished, nervously glancing around. Anakin didn't immediately respond to your words. He held you in silence until you made eye contact with him, but that moment didn't come. "You won't look at me, will you?" he stated, closely observing your demeanor. With great reluctance, you decided to meet his gaze after hearing those words, and your heart pounded so strongly that you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. Those eyes... Those damned eyes.

"Better," Anakin replied in a warm tone, gazing into your eyes intensely as if trying to see through them. He also noticed the tiredness in your eyes, and without the need for asking, he could tell that you had a rough night. The tension between both of you increased as the memory of last night intensified in your minds simultaneously, and neither of you could hold it back. Suddenly, Anakin scrutinized you in a very similar way as Obi-Wan did, triggering a flurry of questions in your mind. Shortly after that, he reached for the collar peeking out from your robes and pulled it up, covering your neck.

"You should be more careful as well," as he uttered his last word, you felt one of his fingers gently touch the pulsating bruise on your neck, and perhaps you began to understand what Obi-Wan had in the back of his mind. Fuck... You wanted to start speaking, but your voice got stuck in your throat when both of you heard approaching footsteps, and you quickly distanced yourselves from each other.

"General, everyone is ready. We can start moving slowly." Rex said as he passed through the corridor in full gear.

"Sure thing, Captain, I'll be right there." Anakin replied, smiling at his saluting companion. As soon as Rex disappeared from your view, your gazes returned to each other, and you had already forgotten what you wanted to say earlier.

"What do you have for today? Maybe I could help?" you asked, trying to ease the tension in your mind.

"Aggressive Negotiations." he replied with a smirk, which you quickly reciprocated. "We'll manage, but assistance might come in handy on-site. I'll leave the younglings in your care. I know you like that." Anakin replied with a touch of irony, and you sighed, knowing that you couldn't demand discipline from others to the same extent as your Master.

"It will go by quickly, and you can catch some sleep before our crew returns." he added as he began to move in the direction Rex had gone.

"Sure, sure..." you replied with a hint of doubt while Anakin still maintained eye contact with you. Then, he nodded and continued ahead.

"Master...?" you managed to call out, and Anakin turned towards you.

"Same place, same time." he answered your unspoken question, smiling slightly. You felt butterflies in your stomach upon hearing the same words that came from his lips last night. You responded with a nod and a smile, and he went where he was needed. Damn, this is going to be a long day.

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As you rightly suspected, training with the younglings completely drained your energy, and the influx of other minor duties that had cropped up in the meantime made it dark outside by the time you returned to your quarters. Bantering with the young students had allowed you to unwind a bit, even though you had to admit that the flood of thoughts prevented you from fully engaging in Anakin's training routines.

"Since Master Skywalker is not with us today, can we have a more relaxed day?"

"But Master Skywalker always lets us play! Please, please!" The carefree voices of the younglings resonated in your head, and you couldn't help but smile as you recalled their little fibs about Anakin giving in. You had always known that when it came to training, your Master was very meticulous, even radical, and there was no room for 'fun' in his methods. Your previous training sessions with him sometimes felt like a drill - you would crash to the ground with a thud while he looked down on you, and it seemed like he wanted more. The holds and maneuvers he taught you were not of a light nature; sometimes it seemed like he was fighting seriously and waiting for your petite body to yield to the force of his strength. When you closed the door behind you into your room, you felt something inside you crack. You had been accumulating emotions all day regarding what was about to happen very soon, and you could feel yourself gradually losing your composure. You quickly abandoned everything you had in your hands and took nervous steps toward the bathroom, not knowing what to do with yourself. You leaned your hands against the porcelain sink and gazed at your tired face in the mirror's reflection. Your long hair was matted, but in this light, its curls seemed tidy and well-defined. However, you quickly tied it up in a messy bun and, wanting to freshen up efficiently, stripped off your clothes, shoes, and stepped into the shower. You had always been fond of warmth, but this time, the cold water stream refreshed you so much that you had no intention of adjusting its temperature. Not wanting to waste time, you washed your hair, face, and body one after the other, feeling not only the water running off you but also a sense of relief and comfort, which you needed now more than ever. Once you had dried your body, leaving your hair to air dry, you scanned your face in the mirror again and decided to add something special to your appearance. In the drawer of your vanity, you had a few cosmetics that were supposed to wait until your Knighting Ceremony, but the circumstances of today seemed much more fitting to finally unpack them. You laid out lipsticks in two shades, several nude eyeshadows, and mascara, which usually delicately enhanced your beauty. You didn't hesitate much in choosing the appropriate shade for your lips – you adorned them with a satin-finish ruby red lipstick. As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you began to regret not practicing this sooner. Next came the eyeshadows, which you applied with a feather-light brush stroke, creating a 'cat-eye' effect that accentuated itself with the mascara on your lashes. You may be a Padawan, you may be a Jedi Knight, but above all, you are a woman – and you feel that now more than ever. You didn't opt for experimenting with your clothing – you didn't even have the opportunity to do so. Instead, you slipped into a simple, charming nightgown with silk accents and delicate shoulder straps. In the subtle light of Coruscant's night, it shimmered with a silvery-lilac hue. Before settling comfortably in bed, you spritzed a cloud of your favorite rose-musk perfume around you and glanced at the nighttime cityscape, looking for Skywalker's crew, who should theoretically already be in place. You wanted to occupy your time somehow, so you watched the night trails of speeders, occasionally attempting to jot down notes in your notebook. However, your hands were trembling so much that your pencil wouldn't find balance. Despite the signs pointing to a sleepless night, each minute passed slowly, and you eventually succumbed to the exhaustion, collapsing helplessly onto the pillow. The contours of the nocturnal Coruscant blurred increasingly in your eyes, and as soon as the moonlight disappeared behind the towering buildings, you felt everything around you fading away. You fell asleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- You had no idea how much time had passed until you heard the soft click of the door to your room. Seeing that your weariness had conquered you, Anakin initially tried to enter quietly, but he quickly reverted to his natural posture as your figure gradually rose from the bed. Despite the catnap, your makeup still looked flawless, and the glow from the city's neon lights further adorned your face as Anakin fixed his gaze on you. "Master..." you whispered, nervously fiddling with your still slightly damp hair, and you would have been ready to get out of bed if he hadn't interrupted you just in time. "Stay there." he said with a certain gentleness in his voice, walking with his hands behind his back along the vast windows of your quarters. Soon, his mechanical hand discreetly started drawing the curtains just enough to let in the light, and you watched his every move with vigilance. "Just in case." Anakin murmured, making sure that only two pairs of eyes would have access to the inside of this room. As per his request, you didn't move from your spot and watched as he approached you with slow steps, eventually sitting down next to you on the edge of the bed. Anakin explored your eyes as if he wanted to decipher something entirely new from them, and his hand landed on your increasingly blushing cheek, which he caressed with a tenderness you had never felt before. "I've never... I've never seen you like this." he whispered, this time pausing his gaze on your full, red lips. "Do you think it's... okay?" you asked shyly, feeling your heart steadily quicken as you heard his deep voice. "You're asking me if it's... okay?" he continued, but you didn't answer, feeling his touch becoming more and more fervent, while his other free hand rested on your chest to lay you down completely. "It's more... More than okay." he murmured, leaving messy kisses on your jawline. "You smell... so beautiful... You look so beautiful... You always have." he whispered in a hoarse voice, almost breathless from the number of kisses that were approaching your collarbones. The hand that had rested on your cheek now gripped your breast firmly through the thin fabric, and your heart began to pound like a hammer, which didn't escape Anakin's attention. "Nervous?" he asked softly, not removing his lips from your skin. "Just... just keep going." you replied in a whisper, finding no words at the moment to describe the pleasure you were feeling. At this moment, his fingers began to gently slide the straps of your dress down, and as you slightly lifted your shoulders, the lightweight fabric slipped down, fully exposing your bust. You no longer had the instinct to cover yourself, knowing he had already seen your breasts, but the tension grew as his hands moved downward. His fingers were spread at your lower abdomen, and he intended to kiss your breasts just as you signaled for him to position his head closer to your face. Buying more time before Anakin reached your most sensitive areas, you began to place kisses on his face. You instantly felt that he had freshened up after his mission before he arrived at your quarters—your nose caught the scent of his aftershave and woody cologne, which were his absolute signature.

You felt a metallic taste of blood under your tongue, and when the light from above reached his face, you noticed fresh but minor cuts on it. As soon as you identified them, you began to kiss them tenderly. When you instinctively grabbed his robe, his gaze responded to your unspoken question, allowing you to continue your move. With sorrow, you realized that your Master's injuries didn't end with minor abrasions. There were a few shallow but sizable slash wounds on his chest, which looked like the result of being cut by multiple blades in a single stroke.

"Who did this to you?" you whispered with a concerned voice, gently touching his chest with your fingertips.

"Don't worry about it." he replied, his hand on your face, sensing a trace of concern in your eyes.

Seeing that you hesitated for a moment with your movements, Anakin shifted his focus to you, and with a sudden move, he began to lower your dress from your hips, at the same time discarding his own clothes to remain topless. The moment you were completely naked under him electrified you, and not just you. Anakin leaned forward, positioning himself between your thighs, which clenched as if you were resisting him. The emotions in the room did not escape his attention, so before doing anything impulsive, he began comforting you, his hands caressing your thighs.

"Spread them for me," he commanded with a husky voice, sending shivers down your spine. Anakin positioned his knee between your legs, waiting for your slower response as he adjusted himself for your comfort. With each passing moment, you gathered the courage to part your thighs. His face displayed an intense desire, and his movements became more determined as he unfastened his belt.

Now he had revealed everything to you, and although an incredible excitement surged within you, a trace of doubt crept in as he removed his pants and boxers. You questioned whether you could handle this even more than you had yesterday. Anakin observed every single one of your reactions with precision. He watched as your chest rose and fell in rapid breaths, and his gaze remained locked onto your eyes while he pleasured himself. "Wider," he suddenly commanded, and you obediently spread your legs even further as his gaze remained fixed on your intimate areas. The tension that buzzed between both of you was indescribable; you felt an incredible sensation in your abdomen, as if something animalistic were awakening within Anakin. He had no intention of delaying any further and lifted one of your legs, positioning himself at your entrance, but you impulsively held his arms, signaling him to wait. "Anakin... I never..." you began nervously, but he didn't let you finish. His dilated pupils silently scanned your face, and after a moment of silence, his lips collided with yours in a passionate, lingering kiss that nearly took your breath away. Somehow, he knew. He guessed it perfectly, observing your every move and reaction, every twitch at his touch, and every signal he could sense from you. Finally, as his face withdrew, you felt his touch at your entrance, and you clenched your eyes shut, anticipating as if he might hurt you. "Look at me," he whispered, holding one hand against your thigh as you tried to adjust. There was no warning when half of his length entered you with a thrust. Anakin hissed through his teeth just as you cried out in pain. "F... Fuck!" he growled as he felt you tightly gripping him, and tears welled up in the corners of your eyes. "It... It burns..." you whimpered as he leaned in, and you felt his deep breaths against your cheek. "H-hold on. You'll feel it... soon," he whispered, keeping his lips close to your ear. You gritted your teeth as he stood still, a burning sensation growing inside you. Anakin kissed the corners of your mouth, tracing a path where your tears of pleasure streamed. The intense moment flipped on its head when his hand suddenly covered your mouth, anticipating your scream as he thrust completely into you. More tears streamed down your face, and he smiled slightly, seeing how you struggled. "It will be as I promised." he whispered again in your ear and unveiled your face while placing his hand on your waist. With the first thrusts, your moans mingled with sobs, but both of you knew you wanted more. Gradually, you relaxed, and the pain began to intertwine with a pleasure that defied description. You gripped his shoulders tightly, watching your hips collide, and Anakin had no intention of maintaining a steady pace. His heavy breaths and deep moans drove you to ecstasy, and when you could no longer find the strength to scream, you clung to his arms with wild abandon. "Eyes on me." Anakin commanded in a breathless voice, wanting to witness every inch of your excitement. You obeyed, and then his strength and pace quickened, driving you to madness. Anakin growled as your nails dug into his arms, and you didn't even manage to stifle your reflex. The pain you inflicted on him was quickly returned to you as he accelerated and thrust into you with merciless force. But in the midst of it all, you finally began to feel what Anakin had promised you earlier—the perfect ecstasy. "A-Ani..." you mumbled, unable to control your choice of words, and realizing how you had just addressed him, your voice suddenly caught in your throat.

Anakin slowed his thrusts, and tension built up over you. His mechanical hand landed on your throat without warning, and from that moment on, his movements lacked any hint of empathy. He groaned and panted as he watched you gasp for air, his hand pressing onto your throat more forcefully. You felt like you were on the edge. "Master, I'm..." you managed to say, initially intending to apologize, but you had to change that quickly. "Master, I'm cumming..." you continued with a sobbing voice as your eyes rolled back, and a prolonged wave of pleasure surged through your entire body. You choked on your own moans as he continued to fuck you relentlessly, making you feel everything with doubled intensity. His hand around your throat suddenly loosened but began trembling and rested on the bed beside you as he reached his climax. Anakin started panting heavily over you, and through the haze of your own peak, you could hear his intermittent moans as his warm fluids filled your insides. Shivers ran down your entire body, and he collapsed onto your chest, still panting heavily. Chaotic heartbeats coursed through both of you, and your bodies were wet and trembling. Anakin was still inside as he tried to steady his breath on your chest, and you, feeling how heated he was, leaned down to tenderly kiss his forehead. For the next few minutes, the room was filled only with the sounds of your deep breaths, and it was probably one of the most intimate moments of that night. Your hands were still trembling, and there was blood under your nails as you ran your fingers through Anakin's damp, matted hair. as he lay on top of you with closed eyes. You had to admit that, for the first time in your life, you saw him in such a vulnerable and, in his own way, innocent state.

It took him a few more minutes to roll off of you and lay down beside you, so he could wrap his arms around you and gaze deeply into your eyes. "With each time... it will feel even better... And it won't hurt as much." he whispered with an evident sense of exhaustion yet fulfillment in his voice. You nodded, feeling him gently caress the outer side of your thigh.

"Don't leave the Order... At least not for a while longer." he continued, taking you by surprise with his words. "I talked about us... We've agreed that when you become a Knight, we'll still work together. Just like me and Ob..." He didn't have a chance to finish as you passionately kissed him on the lips. "What does that mean?" he inquired, sensing the reasoning behind your reaction.

"I won't," you whispered, almost immediately seeing a sense of relief in his eyes. For You. you added in your thoughts, and even though for some reason, you preferred not to say it out loud, you knew he probably knows what keeps you in the Order. Well... He knows it perfectly.

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completeoveranalysis · 7 days

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[9]

MOM HOLY FUCK THEY REALLY ARE SAYING IT

EXCUSE ME

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT IS THIS THE GREATEST THING

LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS

Clamp absolutely set the precedent for this with our visit to Shura/Shara all those years ago. We’ve SEEN the possibility of being in the past and future of the same world and teleporting between the two. We knew the feathers could appear pretty much anywhere in the timeline of a world, given how time works differently across the mutliverse, and we DID just straight up go backwards and forwards in time via Mokona, so it’s absolutely possible for them to appear in the Past of the Kingdom of Clow.

WHICH IS APPARENTLY ACID TOKYO????

WHICH JUST ABSOLUTELY BLOWS MY MIND WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT A WAY TO TIE IT ALL TOGETHER??

X/1999 IS THE SET UP TO THE CLOW KINGDOM?

THE CLOW KINGDOM IS IN THE RUINED ECOLOGICAL DISASTER OF OUR OWN CURRENT WORLD???

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as a pseudo-not-really-but-kind-of-sequel-event to Cardcaptor Sakura but ACTUALLY ALSO being the sequel-kind-of-but-not-exactly sequel to X/1999???? Or Alternate Timeline X/1999? Where things are ever so slightly different but the world was ruined in the same way?

AND THE RESERVOIR

THE RESERVOIR IN ACID TOKYO IS THE RESERVOIR IN THE CLOW RUINS????

I’m REELING OVER THIS

THEY SET THAT UP

SAKURA WALKED THROUGH THE DESERT TO PURIFY THE WATER TO SAVE THESE PEOPLE AND IT MADE THE RESERVOIR THAT LOVED SAKURA SO MUCH THAT IT PROTECTS HER

AND WATANUKI! WATANUKI WAS AN ESSENTIAL PIECE OF SETTING UP THE RESERVOIR IN A WORLD BEFORE HE EVEN EXISTED IN THAT TIMELINE

And that’s Definitely the feather they’re talking about, isn’t it? The feather that Sakura left in Acid Tokyo is still in the Reservoir right now, and is the reason the water is magic and loves her so much - because it’s a piece of her, and -... well, a piece of her clone. But it’s a piece of SAKURA, and so they resemble and resonate with each other, and that's why the water is so close to her, but 'Sakura' can’t absorb the feather because she’s already a full person and those aren’t her memories, but the memories of her clone.

Meanwhile Sakura (ie, our cloned Sakura) is currently on the other side of the portal at a point in time that DIDN’T exist a few seconds ago, for Original 'Sakura', but the rest of the universe has moved on and decades have passed (even though no time at all has passed for her) and now the feather from her clone has ended up in the past that set up the reservoir potentially centuries before she was even born.

Timeline!

Oh my god?

Oh my god.

I’m going to be thinking about this forever.

No wait I’m not done ACID TOKYO WAS like THE point in the narrative where everything changed forever. And from a Tsubasa point of view it felt like a world picked at random for all the Important Narrative changes to take place - but it never was! It was the most important world of all! It was the Clow Kingdom!

So Syaoran lived his life in the Clow Kingdom, and then his soul collapsed in Acid Tokyo, which was ALSO the Clow Kingdom, and then he went and died defending Lava Lamp, in the Clow Kingdom. All at completely different points in the timeline but all in the exact same world.

Though I will say I am thoroughly baffled by the connection between the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building and THE CLOW RUINS???

ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE THE SAME BUILDING?

Oh my god they’re in the same location aren’t they. The reservoir was underneath it and now it’s under the ruins. I suppose they have Magic so they could probably reshape them however they want but WHAT A CON CLAMP HAVE PULLED ON US

TO SPEND THE ENTIRE MANGA STARING AT THE WINGS OF THE CLOW RUINS AND THEY WERE SECRETLY WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL US THAT WE WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE TOKYO METROPOLITAN GOVERNMENT BUILDING ALL ALONG

THE AUDACITY OF IT ALL

#I LOVE IT?#I LOVE IT!#OH MY GOD THEY PULLED THE WHOLE RUG AWAY #THE GREATEST NARRATIVE CIRCLE?#THE MOST EXTREME TWIST?#OH MY GOD #Liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #Tsubasa #Vol 212 #Lava Lamp Guy #Fai #Kurogane #ACID TOKYO? IN MY CLOW KINGDOM???#IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK!#Excuse me I have to stare at the wall for seventeen hours

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galene-gothic · 7 months

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𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗐

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

"Send my love to your new lover, treat her better. We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts. We both know we ain't kids no more."

"I saw the signs and I ignored it, rose-coloured glasses all distorted. Set fire to my purpose and I let it burn. You got off on hurting when it wasn't yours. We'd always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to find me. This dancing was killing me softly. I needed to hate you to love me."

Someone/many different people who you were strongly committed to you seem to have done you dirty. At that time, you were the greenest green flag, you were dependable and wanted to come off as someone like that as well. You were grounded, you were humble and in your 'treat people well' era. You felt like everything was fine until it wasn't anymore. People around you started acting shady, you picked up on the negative vibes or out of the blue, you found out about something that someone close to you did or said behind your back. For some of you, there seems to have been a boy or man involved, it could not be connected to the first scenario at all but for most of you, there seems to be an energy of people leaving one after another, something like your friends backstab you then you find out about your boyfriend cheating and even your guy friend chooses to say hurtful things just for the purpose of tearing you down. If the boy situation does resonate, you realised that they were with you for their own selfish reasons. You felt like they manipulated you for their own personal gain. This guy could've kept you a secret from others. For a while, you continued lying to yourself about this situation due to the affection or attachment that you felt towards them. You were trying your best to believe that something when it was just not the truth. Regardless of which one of the scenarios resonate (for many of you, all of these will resonate), you felt betrayed and to be honest, you were in fact betrayed. When this event happened, you felt the need to be realistic and practical, you knew that you deserved something mutual but maybe due to love, it took a while for you to walk away. Walking away seemed to be something that you did only after you were completely drained out. You were still bonding with other people, maybe you were exposed to others after this event happened so you had no choice. Even though, you seemed to be having good platonic relationships, they felt shallow to you or they made you happy but you weren't able to talk about you deepest emotions to anyone. You were breaking down on the inside but due to your public or social image, no one seemed to see it. It was a time for you to receive healing, you weren't doing well emotionally. A lot of chaotic events happened in your life one after the other but at that point, you were just resting. These people and situations broke you down to the point, you lost your self esteem.

You needed support and help at that time but you were not getting it, I feel like you were not even trying to talk to anyone about your emotions to be honest. It was difficult for you to think clearly. Your judgement was very blurry. Regardless of how painful it must've felt, if you look back, you'll notice that you've released so many negative thoughts, habits, feelings and just way of being. Negative feelings coming up, everything falling apart was just for things to get better. I'm getting that these were negative cycles and connections disguised as positive ones so you didn't understand how you didn't see it earlier. You might have noticed red flags but because they acted alright after that, you didn't think that it was important to walk away. You were confused about a lot of things. You were stuck in that toxic cycle for so long and realised just how much control it had over you. You felt the need to take responsibility for things that weren't even your fault. In the thick of healing, you thought that you deserved all the bad things that they were doing and saying to you. You thought that these people genuinely had good intentions towards you and were 'your people'. I'm getting multiple people here but there's a chance that it was either just your friends or your love interest. Even if it wasn't a love interest, a guy could've been involved. You sometimes wonder how you didn't notice the huge red flags earlier and were naive enough to believe that those people had loving intentions for you. You could've been really nice to most if not all of these people so you were just like, "why? I was nothing but nice to them". There seems to have been some (a lot tbh) confusion in such aspects. This is confusing but I'm getting best friends who turned against you after a mistake you made but you found out that they didn't like you all along or if a guy was the main problem here, it could be a best friend or a boyfriend/situationship who broke you down until you had to leave them. For most of you, it is both. The closure is that this person thought that they had a certain control over you so when they realised that that was not the case, they got over dominating. In the case of friends, they found a reason to finally bully you so they took it. These people were all really dishonest and are the kind of people who are not willing to change their ways. They were angry at you but it was not because of what you did, for the guy it was because they had frustrations in their own life and for the friends, it was because they 'thought' that you thought that you were better than them.

There was a lot of chaos, what they forgot is that you're a very strong character, you might have bended to meet their needs and match their personalities but it didn't mean that you lost your strength as a person. You adored them so you acted softer, they took it as a weakness. They were all being really selfish. It makes a lot of sense if it was a group of people, they were abusing their power to take advantage of you. For some of you, when you weren't letting them take advantage of you, they started acting all passive-aggressive, outright aggressive or angry. You were giving too much without expecting much, please remember that it's important to have standards. I think that you've learnt your lesson now though. You probably had spiteful arguments and they were not thinking before speaking. It's not alright, they disrespected you. Don't forget the things that they said to you, forgive them but don't let them anywhere near you, though it's your own decision. They made reckless mistakes in the heat of the moment not caring about your emotions at all. They're all people who cannot hold themselves accountable, they did not have your best interests at heart. The things that they said and did were to simply tear you down, it barely had anything to do with the mistakes you made but more about things that were in they own heads. "You think that you're the center everywhere" or "you're all that", things that are just their own insecurities. They were in fact very selfish, I'll give you an example, supposing you broke the girl code, the whole group turned against you but because you broke the girl code but because they all had their own personal grudges against you. Move on, they're not worth it. God/universe/whoever you believe in had to take you away from them because you were just better than them. I don't think that anyone is better than anyone but you were mature in many more aspects as opposed to them. You were trying to make things right and solve the matter at hand but they were just pushing their insecurities and grudges onto you. Your life has definitely gotten better in atleast two ways after these people left your life. Your closure = the disrespect.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

"Take my hand and hold on, tell me everything that you need to say. Cause I know how it feels to be someone, feels to be someone who loses their way."

"And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us, he's in the club doing I don't know what, you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much."

A crush that got nowhere? A 'friend' who's not just a friend? If someone came into your mind, this is your pile. This is tricky though, some of you could have come here thinking about a situationship or relationship break up that was really messy, you met someone after that though, didn't you? The person who you were in a situationship or relationship didn't care about you enough, they were unintentionally using you but it wasn't entirely 'unintentional', they knew that it could hurt you, you gave a lot to this person/situation so you were scorned but that's the happy ending, if you stuck around longer, things would've been worse. Your happy ending in this situation is to tap into your potential, make the most out of it, become more confident and to start a new cycle. For the ones, who met someone else after this situationship/relationship, you were in a state of anguish when you met this person. The situationship/relationship had left you completely drained out. I'll describe the person that you met after that in order to help you confirm. This person has a mind of their own, they are quite different from most people that you've met. They seem so free to you. They helped you change direction and made you feel more confident. They also seem to be a very confident person. They gifted you with a new perspective. The entire situation was very thrilling to you. You had a lot of fun with them and even they seemed to have fun with you. There were times when they seemed really enthusiastic around you. They're also someone who stands strong and has a lot of courage according to you. They're just so different (in the best way) according to you. You are confused because they were really generous with you. You might have gotten a little bit vulnerable around them too. There seems to be a level of connectivity (almost telepathic) between the both of you. They were quite receptive and talkative with you, the both of you were to a certain extent.

That was the dynamic so you don't understand how and why everything just ended. You feel like the both of you were quite observant when it comes to other. I feel like you're like "I just don't get it", I'm getting a little bit of disappointment. You wonder if you read in between the lines for things that don't even exist. You thought that they were curious about you too. Maybe also because of the past relationship/situationship, you started become a bit more rational and this just added onto that. You had really interesting conversations and felt connected to them, you felt a chemistry and connection. You felt like you had to kind of move away from your fairytale romance. 'Fairytale romance' that's how you looked at it. They did come into your life at a time like that so I get it. The ending between the both of you makes you question everything. The closure here is that you're still single, you're free to do whatever you desire. They came into your life as a catalyst of growth, to help you start a new journey. Their intentions towards you were not bad, they gave you a lot of hope for the future, they made you happy. They helped you prepare for a new journey, for most of you, you won't ever end up with this person but regardless of whether you do or not, you'll be fine. They reminded you of the life and love that you desire and deserve. They made it easier for you to let go of your former situationship/relationship. Even this situation, you should let it go. You should accept everything that has happened, forgive them if you do have any resentment against them and focus solely on yourself. You helped them release negative thoughts, feelings and patterns. Their deepest fears resurfaced when they met you and even they themself were healing. Something being fleeting or temporary does not make it insignificant, take care loves. If it wasn't for them, there's a high likelihood of you going back to past toxic people.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

"Why would you speak to me that way? Especially when I always said that I haven't got the words for you. All your diction dripping with disdain, I always tell the truth."

"I've never known someone like you, tangled in love, stuck by you, from the glue. Don't forget to kiss me or else you'll have to kiss me. I guess I'm forever stuck by the glue, oh and you?"

"Never thought I'd find you but you're here, and so I love you. I'm not lying when I say I've been stuck by the glue onto you."

Who cheated on you? If it was not cheating, it was still something that caused you to feel betrayed. Majority of you have mommy issues, some of you are here with her on your mind while the rest of you are here thinking about someone who is like your mother if you carefully think about it. You got manipulated. This person was out of control with their actions and words when it came to you. They were mean too. You really neglected yourself because of this person. They left you worrying quite a lot. This is giving me similar vibes to narcissistic abuse. You gave too much of yourself to this person :(. You pretty much treated this person like your family oh my god. You were clinging onto them. You were not willing to walk away and move on from this person until things got too much to bear, this person was stripped away from your life not gonna lie. With this person, you had really low self esteem. There were often times when you had to watch what you said just so you don't end up triggering this person because they used to say things to tear you down. They were not willing to communicate and they acted like you were trying to pick up fights. They made you feel a lot of guilt when it wasn't even your fault. You had to fake happiness with that person because everything was always about them, they might have underestimated you or belittled your emotions but you noticed it only after you left the situation and realised that they never cared about you. You started becoming really confident after you let go of them and it caused you a to be a little bit confused because of it. You realised that all of you needed was a leap of faith. They were definitely holding your potential down. You started feeling liberated and free, a very new and sort of uncomfortable feeling for you. They made you feel really humiliated in one way or another.

They were so conceited and honestly a piece of shit, you were just like "I was such a fool, how did I not see it earlier?" Plus the thing is that you were aware of such aspects existing within them, you just didn't know that they were so extreme. You also didn't understand how they could do that to you when you had nothing but pure intentions towards them. Your closure is that they're actually high drama. You were taking too many of their demands and being pressured when they didn't deserve any of it. I don't like to say things like this but you were too good for them, no matter how great they'd become or what they would do, they will never amount to you. Also, no matter how much harder you would've loved them, it wouldn't make them treat you better, I'm glad that you walked away. If you're having second thoughts about it, remember the disrespect, don't forget how much they hurt you. They're just a selfish piece of shit who never deserved you. Also, you were never compatible, you had interesting conversations because you're an interesting person, you had fun with them because you were a fun person, the connection lasted as long as it did only because of your tolerance. Your closure is that you know the right answer from within was to walk away. You were supposed to start seeing things from a different and clearer perspective. You were supposed to learn your boundaries now. It was important for you to find new purposes or realign with your purpose that you might have abandoned for other people. Your direction is supposed to be different from this person's and set there. You're supposed to be the one that got away and stayed away. You felt like you were stuck by a glue onto them because of the attachment that you had with them. It might have been difficult for you to leave this person earlier due to guilt, attachment or just loneliness, you might have been worried about them though.

#intuitive readings #astro notes #pick a card #pick a deck #pick a photo #astrology #astrovations #pick a picture #pick a gif #astro observations

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wutheringcaterpillar · 25 days

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Perhaps a oneshot of oppie experiencing possessiveness and jealousy for the first time which could turn him into a desperate man in a way?

I’m curious to see how you would explore that because Oppie was a womanizer and I feel like that does not come with the possessiveness and jealousy.

Warnings: jealousy, slight misogyny, age difference, some fluff, Robert’s pov

-thank you for the request, hope you enjoy lovie

The town gathered near a restaurant by the ocean, celebrating our success with the testing of the atomic bomb.

The weather was warm, crickets chirping while I walked hand and hand with my wife Y/N, the wind bellowing through the blades of grass.

She was rather stunning, wearing a simplistic black dress, her hair tied up professionally with a hint of makeup. Though I preferred her natural self, she still had a way of radiating and capturing the attention from any room she set foot in.

Before we were too far past the door way, a man approached her, offering to buy her a drink. I didn’t think anything of it at first, wishing for her to simply enjoy herself on a beautiful night like tonight.

As I carried on in conversation with strangers I hardly knew, time seemed to pass, and I glanced down at my watch realizing it had been nearly thirty minutes she’d been at the bar.

She never was a drinker, only having a light rum and coke every now and then, never went past a singular drink.

When I was about to excuse myself to go check on her, I stopped in my tracks, witnessing the scene unfold before my very own eyes.

She was still there, the drink she ordered hardly touched still sitting on the bartop, while a man was smiling, failing at hiding the amber blush on his face.

She was laughing harmoniously, completely intrigued by whatever the man was saying. He hadn’t touched her yet, but their proximity was far too close for me to be comfortable.

Her eyes connected with mine from across the room, perhaps in an attempt to see if I was noticing.

Containing my composure, another man walked toward me, wanting to discuss the physics aspect of my endeavors.

As he began talking, the words coming from him seemed to go in one ear and out the other, which was a shame due to my field of study, and knowledgeable suggestions.

I couldn’t stop glancing over, wanting nothing more to intervene, yet I didn’t. I was not a jealous man, nor controlling of my wife. I wanted to see her enjoy herself, see her socializing and putting in the time and effort for my successes as I do hers.

When he leaned in closer, whispering something surely inappropriate in her ear, I found myself becoming more and more concerned, the odd feeling of jealousy consuming my very being.

He was a young, wise man whom I had taught at the college, much closer to her age range, I hadn’t recognized him until now, it had been years since I’d seen him.

His name was James, and much to my dismay, they had grown to be very close friends. Yet for some odd reason I resonated with a profound feeling of jealousy, to which I’d never felt before.

I began to wonder if this was how my ex wife felt. Uncommon, and indescribable, I wasn’t sure if I should approach or watch from afar, as if I wanted to put my wife to the test.

Regardless, of how terrible that may sound there was no denying the longing, lusting gaze James portrayed to Y/N.

My stomach bubbled like a boiling pot with unease, unsure of what actions I should take if any.

I kept my distance, trying to give my wife the benefit of the doubt and not wanting to appear as a jealous, controlling husband.

After a few moment she excused herself to the restroom, taking her purse along with her and I noticed he began to fix his hair in the mirror behind the bar, pulling what looked like to be breath mints from his pockets. Was he planning to kiss my wife in front of myself and everyone else in the room?

My thoughts ran ragged and before I knew it she was walking back from the bathroom and I found my feet wandering.

Approaching the bar, attempting to hide my concern, which I was not quite good at might I add. She hadn’t glanced in my direction, unknowing I was nearly almost beside here until I ran my hand down her arm, pulling her closely to my side with gentleness.

“Oh, sweetheart! James was just telling me how he traveled to Oxford. Did you know he can speak three different languages? Impressive isn’t it?” Temptation to wipe that grin off of his face washed over me like a freight train yet I resided, simply smiling kindly, holding my tongue.

“Please, you’re by far more intuitive than I ever will be. Robert I must tell you, you’re a lucky man, Y/N’s one hell of a woman.” He extended his hand to shake mine as I was stood there stunned by his words and the audacity to say it to my face in front of her.

As a man myself, I knew that very well to be code for “i’d fuck your wife if I could, if the opportunity were to arise” and here she was blushing next to me. I bit down on my tongue in aggravation, putting forth my best attempt at a friendly smile as I shook his hand.

I tried to convince myself that he never would be able to get his hands on my sweet Y/N but I couldn’t help to think of my swift way of words with women in the past and how easy it was to charm a woman, sometimes leading her on. I knew how James was operating and I refused to stay here and watch it any longer.

I stayed near her side, eventually ushering her back home, to where I desperately needed to be.

I was not an angry man, nor irrational and I refused to blamedher for any of it. Instead blaming myself for acting like an insecure, childish boy, knowing that perhaps she could do better than me, maybe she was settling out of fear of breaking my heart.

Walking into the bedroom, I shed myseld of my clothes and found myself, sitting on the bed replaying the interactions in my head, creating obscure scenarios of imagining my wife leaving me for a man more around her age, with similar interests. Pleasuring her, picturing her moans, and the different positions she could be in.

Hearing the bathroom door open, I lifted my weary head to find my wife standing there, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

In that moment I truly took in her extraordinary, delicate facial features, the way her body captivated a melodic, shining aura of kindness, and attractiveness.

She was magnificent, and the thought of possibly losing her shattered my heart, a feeling I’d never worried about with past lovers.

Without saying a word, she examined my desperate, saddened state and took a seat next to me on the bed, reading me like a book she’s read a trillion times.

“What’s wrong love? You only trace your wedding ring when something is on your mind. Did I do something wrong?” I immediately stopped her, insisting it was nothing she did, but moreso my thought process of others actions.

My chest felt heavy, a sour, bitter taste of jealousy settling on my tongue, unknowing of how to cope with such a strong sense of discomfort, and fragility.

“You’re my wife and I suppose I can tell you anything.” I reached with shaking hands, intertwining ours together in worry and desperation when she nodded with concern for me to continue.

“Seeing you with James tonight, I can’t help but think that I’m at risk of losing you. He’s charismatic, charming, shares similar interests. I also know that he’s more around your age, and for the first time in my life I feel weak, and worried that I’m not the right partner for you.” A wave of relief washed over my chest, but I found myself scared for her response. What if I was right? Nor did I want her to spare my feelings. I knew I was acting out of my usual character, and the revelation that I could feel such insecure jealousy caused me a great discomfort.

Her angelic eyes surmised with concern, but spoke with sincerity as her fingers caressed mine devotionally.

“Darling. I don’t care about James, if he thought he was getting anywhere with me well, he is sadly mistaken. I’d never leave you for him. I love you and only you, okay?” Her soft hands rubbed my back soothingly, her eyes speaking with valid sincerity and admiration yet that wasn’t enough for my concern to dissipate.

I was holding James to a standard that I once was. Though I may not have held the confidence and ego he did, I knew the way to a woman’s heart, those soft spots that would make them weak at the knees.

“Y/N, we both know with my past I have no right to complain. He knows my past, the whole world does. I know it must be hard for you to deal with me. I’m not exactly a perfect husband. I’d never cheat on you and I have changed, but I still feel undeserving of your love and the immense amount of patience you have with me. You can’t tell me you’ve never bared the concern of me being away from home.” Even with my complaints and assumptions she still held her composure, not one raising her voice at me. If anything lowering her tone to a monotone of ease and grace.

She spoke with the utmost clarity, and honesty, almost like she didn’t even have to think before speaking.

“No I haven’t love. I really haven’t. Who would I be as a wife to hold your past against you? Each day we grow, we learn, and you sitting here speaking with me in this way tells me all I need to know. Most men don’t come to their wives with their problems and I’m grateful you do. Love’s a funny thing and I’ve always lived by when you know, you know and I’ve never had that desirable feeling until I met you Robert. Excuse my language but fuck what anyone else thinks. I love you and only you, since the day you stopped me in the pouring rain outside that cafe to help me pick up my books that got ruined and you remember what you did?” A small, delicate smile formed on my face, reminiscing back to the first day I met my endearing wife.

She was running late to her class and had been running on little to no sleep. She vented about how her alarm didn’t go off, and the coffee shop accidentally gave her the incorrect order and was worried the professor would be upset.

I calmed her down to the best of my ability, even buying her a quick breakfast and offered to drive her there, refusing to allow this beautiful women to walk in the pouring down rain.

The next time I saw her was in my class room. Physics wasn’t her strong suit but she never gave up, never afraid to ask for help. I ended up buying her a new set of books, ensuring they were first edition with a notes section and helped her after class. Our bond became strong, growing more and more every day until I finally asked her on a formal dinner date after she graduated. The rest is history.

“I do, I do. My love. I want to apologize for tonight.” My hand reached for a wild strand of her silk hair, brushing the smooth texture behind her ear, getting lost once more in her bright, loving eyes as I’ve done many times.

She shook her head as if I didn’t need to apologize but I carried on.

“I acted foolishly and I should have just pulled you aside there and then to voice my concern. Now I bid the question, will you forgive me for my childish actions and thoughts?” She giggled, settling her warm hands on my cheeks and leaning in, connecting her smooth velvet lips with me in a desirable manner, deepening the kiss with the utmost love.

“You’re forgiven my darling. Just please talk to me from now on with any concerns. I’m here for the long run and if I recall we have an unfinished puzzle sitting at the table. What do you say I put on some tea and we see if we can finish this thing tonight snd then perhaps make sweet love after?” She hadn’t need to say anymore. I followed her in all her wonderous beauty, reaching up to the shelf she couldn’t reach, bringing the tea down for her as I went off to start a fire in the dining room.

We took our usual seats under the dim light of the tabletop lamp, carrying on in casual conversation as I made jokes she didn’t understand, and she expressed details of the newer books she’d been reading. Things felt normal, as if nothing happened tonight, and I found myself falling more and more in love with my beautiful wife with each passing second. She truly was a diamond in the dust, and I’m beyond grateful for her every day and that with opportunity I had the chance to put a diamond on her finger, forever indebted to her forgiving, patience, and strength.

#j robert oppenheimer imagine #j robert oppenheimer x reader #Oppenheimer x reader #ranaewrites #j robert oppenheimer #oppenheimer #j robert oppenheimer x you #Oppenheimer x you #Requested

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yepthatsacowalright · 5 months

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Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

#i wrote this in a WORD DOCUMENT i made an OUTLINE #it took TWO DAYS to finish #hopefully the bees that have been in my head since i watched the 60th finale will now let me know peace #david tennant #catherine tate #ncuti gatwa #the star beast #wild blue yonder #the giggle #mental health #generational trauma #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #dw #dw spoilers #doctor who 60th anniversary

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decolonize-the-left · 1 year

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The discussion on whiteness y'all are having makes a lot of sense and resonates with my experience as a white person as well. As a disabled queer person whilst I still very much experience white privilege, I very much feel like abled cishet white people think I'm doing whiteness wrong.

And I'd say if there was a "white culture" it'd hinge entirely on appearances. I cannot speak for people of color who struggle with their parents but my experience and a lot of experiences I know from white people with toxic/abusive parents they have to look and feel like very good people like it goes beyond just wanting to appeal to others to avoid consequences the like worst thing you can do in a white family is be honest about anything?

In my own family we all hate each other and always have hated each other and still we coexist in a way that protects all of us and makes things easier for us and I think that on a wider scale that's how whiteness operates and also why when white people emphasize how much they hate other white people that's completely meaningless because like. Yeah of course you do we all very much hate each other but that doesn't mean that we aren't complicit in whiteness because of the ways it benefits us? When you're white then the white people around you fully expect that even if you despised every inch of them that you would defend them if they were being racist or will be complicit in their actions just out of sheer obligation to whiteness.

I think that part of the reason the ways marginalized white people experience oppression tends to be a lot more emotional manipulation and gaslighting + infantilization rather than outward aggression/hostility is because if we have a community/culture not tied to our race that gives us actual loyalties and will make us start to criticize whiteness and then things all start to fall apart.

Especially if you're white american the last thing any white person wants you to have is a semblance of genuine culture, if you're disabled and queer and other things that they want to portray as being a nonwhite and "lesser" thing they will go to lengths to either convince you that you aren't those things at all, to minimize things to say well at least you're not like Others (see: additionally marginalized people of color), and if that fails to take their autonomy in such a way that they can eliminate the potential threat. (e.g white people with visible enough psychotic symptoms are highly likely to be incarcerated in psych wards and physically harmed by authorities but those of us who are able to mask our psychosis do not experience the same level of violence at all)

And I think this is really evident when you look at marginalized communities and how white people tend both to dominate discussions and also to minimize that marginalization a lot of white autistic people who arent visibly autistic enough to have to fight for any semblance of autonomy tend to paint autism as being this purely good and special thing where you just have special interests and are a little confused sometimes and are so empathetic(tm)

When you start questioning whiteness too other white people start to treat you a whole lot differently, when I started to notice my own and my family's racist behaviors as a teenager who finally had access to listen to POC talk about their experience and pointed these out to my family I very quickly became mistrusted by them, they stopped telling me important things and would say that clearly I was not interested in participating with family activities and clearly didn't love them. It's like, once you "betray whiteness" you can't really come back from that and I think that's why so many white marginalized people are such aggressive bootlickers because they've never had a loving/genuine sense of community so they think once they're alienated from whiteness that there will be nothing for them because they've never felt genuinely wanted or cared for outside of that.

Of course that's what whiteness wants white people to think, they want us to be afraid of connecting with nonwhite people because if we realize that there are rich cultures that we can connect with unrelated to our whiteness and that we can and will have plenty of genuine connections with POC in our communities and this idea that we're so hated for being white that only other white people could accept us and it's us white people against the world is white supremacist propaganda then white power starts to fall apart.

I don't have anything to add at all, like yeah. Esp that last part?

Because if white supremacists don't have white allyship backing them then they have nothing. Nothing. That's where their white power comes from.

They'd lose all ability to affect our politics, climate, healthcare, etc.

#asked #answered #whiteness #white supremacy

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cupcakestreets · 3 months

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Honestly him having nightmares about the berserk form would make sense since i sorta just hc it as a ptsd based thing

Basically I hc that Pomegranate’s spell tainted the soul jam and how it resonates with him

Its mainly triggered by a fight or flight response but due to the fact he has ptsd the curse/soul jam is very quick to thing hes in a life or death situation whenever hes in distress and or experiencing intense negative emotions because well, life or death situations is all hes ever known

I hc the main reason he didnt go berserk during the council is due to the fact that the curse was still manifesting, but there were still some signs of it when yknow he attacked clotted

I feel like this headcanon kinda tries to explain away Dark Cacao's response to be quick to arms when Clotted Cream Cookie outted White Lily to being Dark Enchantress and also calling out the ancients on being unwilling to give up their soul jams at that time. Based on my memory, I think Dark Cacao Cookie was already distrustful of Clotted Cream Cookie and believed he just wanted their power, and now he was lying and insulting his allies to get his way. Which boiled up throughout their talks and just Clotted Cream Cookie's behavior. Which i won't deny, that boy was sus AF in the beginning. It did look like he was trying to sweet talk his way into stealing their soul jams. But i think that anger is very different from the emotions he felt at the time Pomegranate Cookie corrupted him.

Anyway, i do think it is an interesting headcanon, and i want to take this tainted soul jam idea a bit further. I hope you don't mind.

So Dark Cacao Cookie is a pretty disciplined and reserved cookie. His soul jam stands for Resolution. I think the only things that could flare up that small flare of corruption is Emotional discourse, similar to how he was when he was filled with guilt, sorrow, or heartache, just a jumble of emotions that are far to much to bare at once from the unresolved issues with his son. Or complete closure of the heart, and like the original soul jam user, Mystic Flour Cookie, he becomes Apathetic. He will only get irritated by those around him, which in turn will turn him into a beast.

So basically, I'm saying: if his heart becomes imbalanced, the more likely he is to turn beserk again. Does this make sense?

The attack in the council hall was reactionary, and i feel like if we are going to have a soul jam corruption, we just gotta dig deep into the user's core! But yeah, i hope you didn't mind my ramble.

Here's Clotted Cream Cookie and Dark Cacao Cookie sitting having lunch. They're lovers homies now.

#cookie run kingdom #dark cacao cookie #clotted cream cookie #cookie run #headcanon #cakeku ask #friend sent me a pic of them and i just love them #look at my boys

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accio-victuuri · 7 months

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From this article : Exclusive Interview｜Xiao Zhan: Shengyang made me relax a little

Xiao Zhan received a lot of scripts and roles. Some people around him gave him suggestions to act in dramas that everyone seemed to like. They had more dramatic conflicts, or the characters were a little more exaggerated, or the proportion of the space was very cautious, and it couldn't be just one-sided. But Xiao Zhan’s own criteria for viewing scripts and characters are not complicated. The first answer is to "impress him", which is more concrete. When he read the first draft of the script of "Sunshine By My Side", he looked at what was described in the script. Sheng Yang smiled unconsciously. When he saw some plots between Meijuan and Lao Sheng, he felt sad, resonated, and nodded.

"I am the one who has to interpret this character. If I don't have the confidence to interpret it, or even the desire, how can I have the confidence to bring him to the audience? At least that's how I am currently."

In essence, Xiao Zhan believes that he and Sheng Yang have the same background. "Just like the name of our drama, Sheng Yang is a little sun. He has an energy that can turn all bad things into something." Very good, I think he will always be bright." Of course, there is also the coincidence that Xiao Zhan and Sheng Yang are also former colleagues. But there is a big difference in personality. In Xiao Zhan's eyes, "This kid is too lively. It doesn't matter if you encounter difficulties. Just cheer yourself up and continue to move forward bravely." But Xiao Zhan himself is very different in life. I prefer to be alone and quiet part of the time.

Screenwriter Li Xiao revealed that she met Xiao Zhan during the creation of this character, so she added a lot of Xiao Zhan's own characteristics to the character of Sheng Yang. Xiao Zhan recalled that when he met Li Xiao for the second time half a year before filming started, he made a comparison In-depth communication, "I remember that time she told me that she felt like you were different from before." What's different? Xiao Zhan himself couldn't answer, "More than two years have passed. People will always grow."

In addition to his fate with the boy Sheng Yang, the important reason why Xiao Zhan likes "SBMS" is because of the natural nature of this drama. Sheng Yang is a young man who dreams of becoming a designer after graduating from university. He has an ordinary family that is noisy but warm at times. By chance, he meets a senior director whom he remembered from 10 years ago. By coincidence, The two met again. The story didn't have the plot of an idol drama. Work, life, friends, and sister were all in his life. "It's not like the plots I've seen before, it's more natural." "

This seemingly natural script is what Xiao Zhan likes and finds challenging. He wants to make Sheng Yang a living person, not just a character played by Xiao Zhan.

"This is a story that flows like water. It has no particularly dramatic conflicts or plots. Everything is natural, just like a story that would happen around you. Acting in this drama is a big challenge for me. Because I have never filmed such an urban drama, how can I make everyone believe that Sheng Yang is such a person, that he really exists, and is not something Xiao Zhan worked hard to play."

The story feels natural and the characters are relaxed. Relaxation and calmness in acting is what Xiao Zhan gained after playing Sheng Yang, and due to a coincidence of career, Sheng Yang may be the life Xiao Zhan would have experienced if he was not an actor. Did experiencing a life like "parallel time and space" make actor Xiao Zhan relax?

"Yes, but not many. Because the problems Xiao Zhan and Sheng Yang face are still different."

There are not so many golden fingers in life, everything requires your own efforts

The Paper: I also talked with the screenwriting teacher two days ago. Meeting you before the script was fully completed had an impact on the creation of the character Sheng Yang. What was the contact with the screenwriting teacher like at that time?

Xiao Zhan: The first time Sister Xiao and I met was in 2019. Half a year before filming started, we had an in-depth chat and she said that I felt different from before. I said that more than two years have passed and people will always grow. That was the first time that the screenwriting teacher and I established an understanding of each other. Later, we held three script meetings to make adjustments to the character of Sheng Yang.

There were two points I raised at the beginning. One was why Sheng Yang has been obsessed with this sister for 10 years? Another point is that although Sheng Yang is a younger brother, how can he show responsibility and growth in a relationship to convince the audience.

The Paper: Is the final Sheng Yang highly compatible with you?

Xiao Zhan: We are both positive and optimistic, but we have different personalities. For example, Sheng Yang can't help but take action against his boss. Maybe for Xiao Zhan, I won't do such impulsive things. I will think of solutions when workplace bullying appears, instead of delaying the matter. To the point of being unbearable.

The Paper: Then how do you understand Sheng Yang’s tolerance in the early stage? His superiors took credit for his role and had a bad attitude toward him. He never thought of a solution and was just enduring.

Xiao Zhan: I can understand Sheng Yang’s situation at that time. First of all, he needs this job; secondly, this is life, there will be pressure, there will be difficulties, it may make him feel very tired, but he still has to go to work well the next day. Because he needed this job, his family conditions did not allow him to do something very outrageous and impulsive, which also allowed him to develop a very gentle character.

So I understand Sheng Yang. As for why he suddenly took action and had an emotional outburst later, it was because (the boss) had hit the bottom line of his tolerance.

But Shengyang has grown. In the beginning, he was a diligent and hard-working young man with a relatively tolerant personality. Later, he experienced some things in the workplace and in life. At the same time, he also met his sister, who encouraged him to be himself and to face and resist bravely, so Shengyang made some adjustments. But even in the ending, we didn't portray Sheng Yang as very successful, having completed a very big project, or as well-known. We still want Shengyang to be closer to life. After all, there are not so many golden fingers in life. Everything is hard-won and requires your own efforts.

The Paper: How do you understand some of the struggles between Sheng Yang and the team leader? If it were you, what kind of mentality would you have when faced with this unfair situation?

Xiao Zhan: I might solve the problem as soon as it occurs. I will look for opportunities to have a tactful chat with my boss. For example, I will reflect to my boss on the current resistance I am encountering from a project perspective. But to be honest, I have never encountered workplace bullying. I am quite lucky. The seniors and colleagues I have met take good care of me.

Acting requires "subtraction" sometimes

The Paper: What is the difficulty of Shengyang for you?

Xiao Zhan: In a few scenes, I think Sheng Yang is a bit naive. Will he be accepted by the audience? Will everyone like him? And how to determine this degree? How to act naturally? These are the questions I have to face.

We chatted a lot with the director on set. I would sit next to the director and watch when I had nothing to do. We would talk about what to do with this scene, and the director would give me a lot of advice. The point of inspiration is to do subtraction. In many cases, don’t design a lot of things, don’t think about acting in a lively state, just remember your motivation, and then do subtraction.

The Paper: The scene where Sheng Yang resigned was quite simple to shoot, but some viewers were very sympathetic, and Sheng Yang also had red circles in the end. Is this a subtraction?

Xiao Zhan: Right. In fact, we thought about whether we should say something to everyone after Sheng Yang resigned, but later I felt that there was no need to say it. First of all, the accident did happen, and it is useless to say more. Secondly, you used your resignation to protect the interests of other members of the group, so there is no need to say too much at the moment.

We need to understand the character's emotions based on his current situation. First of all, his family situation is not very good and he needs this job; secondly, how will he explain to his parents when he returns? This is a profession that he loves very much, and it is more than just a job to make ends meet. And he has already become the chief designer, which is a very rare opportunity. So Shengyang feels more sad at the moment. I was also very sad when I was acting, because everything was obviously going in a good direction and I had worked hard, but I got this result. In the setting in the script, it was a well-known advertising company. When we were studying design, we would also make a career plan for ourselves, so it must be very sad to leave this company.

The Paper: When thinking about the character, did you do any design for Sheng Yang that might be outside of the script to make it more consistent with the character?

Xiao Zhan: For design-related content, just refer to my previous work experience. The main thing is to be natural and not to do too much design, because everyone who works knows what to do and focus on what you are doing. Just work. In addition, before the filming started, I sorted out Shengyang's growing environment, as well as his way of getting along with his colleagues at work, his way of getting along with his superiors, and his way of getting along with his parents at home.

The Paper: What do you think of the emotional line between your parents?

Xiao Zhan: I think he is confused when his parents quarrel. My parents also quarrel, and I am confused sometimes. I will ask, why do you still quarrel so much after you have lived together for decades? ? You obviously care about each other and love each other very much, so why do you have to hurt each other in this way? So I also have questions about Sheng Yang in the play.

Sheng Yang did not escape. If he had chosen to escape, he would not have grown into such a character. It can be seen from Sheng Yang's character that their family is a very loving family.

Understand each other, test each other, and move towards each other step by step

The Paper: In Sheng Yang’s eyes, what kind of person is Jian Bing?

Xiao Zhan: Very independent and sober, different from some people in the advertising circle in the show. She is like a breath of fresh air. What impresses Shengyang most is her insistence on design and her own high-end aesthetics.

The Paper: When Sheng Yang complained about work to Jian Bing, Jian Bing said to stop doing it, and Sheng Yang fell silent. At this time, he was not brave. Do you agree more with Jian Bing's statement, or do you agree with Sheng Yang's hesitation and silence?

Xiao Zhan: I can particularly understand Sheng Yang. Work is really not something you can do without doing. First of all, Sheng Yang is the design department team leader of the advertising department of a design company. For three cases he has, he has three clients. , there are many contact people at the customer's side. If you suddenly stop doing it, this matter will be very irresponsible, let alone professional ethics. Because the customer has chosen you, you have to be responsible to the customer, so it’s really not just a matter of quitting. I feel like I can’t do it anyway, at least there needs to be a transition period.

Jian Bing didn't comfort him either. This is a point of difference between the two of them. The younger brother and older sister are in different social statuses and have different working environments. Sometimes they have conflicting ideas. This is also a point that I think is very real in "SBMS". It is not the younger brother. As soon as they came up, they met each other. The two of them immediately had something to do. Instead, they walked toward each other step by step while understanding each other and testing each other.

The Paper: When was the moment when you felt you most resonated with Sheng Yang’s soul?

Xiao Zhan: It has always been there, from the first scene when he went to work. But the most resonant moment may be the scene when she goes home to face her parents for dinner after losing her job. Her mother says what’s wrong, why do she look so tired today? What they don’t know is that Sheng Yang is already unemployed, but Sheng Yang doesn’t explain. In fact, I myself am now reporting good news but not bad news.

I was very sad when I went to shoot. I couldn't hold it back and cried while eating. But I couldn't cry. According to the plot, crying would be very strange. In the end, the director didn't use the crying part. It was very correct.

For today's young people, it is more that I can be strong and endure no matter how hard I am outside, but when facing my closest relatives, including my parents, a greeting will sometimes completely break down. So I am very empathetic.

The Paper: Is it because of his character that he has a kind of liveliness that you don’t have?

Xiao Zhan: It's possible, so I envy him very much. It's a kind of yearning.

The Paper: Which scene or line in this drama do you like best?

Xiao Zhan: Independent of each other, no suspicion or jealousy.

The Paper: You have acted in a lot of movies so far. Where do you think your greatest growth is reflected?

Xiao Zhan: I feel that I am more relaxed and calm. This is the biggest feeling after filming "SBMS". Of course, this may also be a problem with the subject matter, which requires you to be natural and relaxed.

The Paper: As an actor, where do you think your desire for acting started?

Xiao Zhan: When you see a good script, you have the confidence and motivation to perform it well. This can also be regarded as a desire to conquer the character you like and win this role. In fact, when acting, just enjoy the moment, whether it is sad or happy, remember it.

The Paper: When is the happiest moment as an actor?

Xiao Zhan: Basically, the director and I send messages every day after work. Sometimes it’s to summarize the details of today’s scene that haven’t been completed, and sometimes it’s to discuss how to shoot the big scene the next day — any ideas.

The director sent me a long 60-second voice message, telling me with great interest what he was going to shoot tomorrow. I really like this kind of atmosphere, where everyone is giving, creating, and doing it with love. This atmosphere is what I like and what I want.

The Paper: To be honest, especially for young actors like you, who are liked by many young people, the roles handed to you will be more upright and have no shortcomings, but this seems not to be three-dimensional and enjoyable enough. What do you think of this situation?

Xiao Zhan: I think this is an issue of career functionality of actors at different stages. It is true that some very complex roles are so fascinating and challenging, but when you return to your role as an actor, you need to think carefully. I feel that as I get older, have more energy, and Xiao Zhan’s personality attributes become more and more multifaceted, I can try some more complex roles.

Every character has its own shortcomings and shortcomings. This kid Sheng Yang is actually a bit noisy. It depends on how you act and how you use it, and it becomes the character's characteristics. He moves forward bravely and breaks through difficult walls, but this means that this person is a bit stubborn. When I read the script myself, I also felt that this child was a bit short-sighted. This may be his shortcoming and what makes him lovable. point.

The Paper: Are you the kind of person who needs to work all the time, or do you prefer a relaxed pace?

Xiao Zhan: I should be like many people. When I keep working, I feel like taking a rest. When I take a break, I say no, I have to work and I have to produce.

The Paper: Since it was filmed in Chongqing, did you bring your colleagues from the crew to introduce the local food?

Xiao Zhan: I sent some to my colleagues, but they were all disliked in the end. Everyone would say we won’t eat this anymore. It turned out that I had not returned to Chongqing for several years and was already out.

The Paper: Do you feel a sense of loss that you are no longer familiar with your hometown?

Xiao Zhan: I don’t feel disappointed, the classic ones are the best.

-END.

#xiao zhan #shengyang #sunshine by my side #sunshine by my side spoiler #accio victuuri translation

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kakiastro · 7 months

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Intuitive Reading: Who were you in a Past Life?

Hey y’all I’m back with another intuitive reading for you. I’ve been feeling pulled to do a past life readings so I feel like the collective is getting curious on who they were.

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes. Remember this is a collective reading so this may or may not resonate with you so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

Take 3 deep breaths and choose a Fruit emoji. If you feel called to more than 1 then that’s okay as well

🍎

🍌

🍓

🍎

Overview: So the first thing that I heard was farmer lol i keep hearing rags to riches, so, you may have grew up in a poor farming community and worked in the fields with your family. I’m hearing generous so you gave the shirt off your back even when you didn’t have much. I’m also seeing a person with a big smile on their face so you still loved life but you knew you wanted more not so much for you but the people you love the most. I’m picking up that you were a male/masc energy. I’m also hearing you loved reading under a tree and to the farm animals. As you get older, I’m hearing early 20s, you decide to leave the farm to pursue a better life. Ok so this is crazy but I’m hearing pirate LOL . So I think you joined a pirate crew and did lots of raiding for them and this is where you get your riches from. You would occasionally return home to give your family some of the riches you made. I’m seeing a vineyard so you probably bought them a vineyard so they can have steady income. I’m hearing you lived a long life, 60s-70s, I keep hearing alcohol and liver problems so that may have played a part in your demise.

Time Period: im hearing early to mid 1700s. I’m Hearing Europe and countries such as Greece, Spain, England so take what resonates.

Family: like I said earlier, you come from a family of farmers. I am hearing you were very close to your grandmother and may have had a much younger brother and sister. You were closer to your sister. I’m hearing caretaker so really you were the one who looked after the family especially your grandmother. I’m hearing death so after she passed, this is when you left and became a pirate because you wanted more for your siblings. I’m not picking on anything about your parents but I did hear alcoholic father but I feel like he wasn’t in the picture which is why you’re the caretaker.

Love Life and Children : I’m hearing messy LOL. I’m not seeing marriage for this particular lifetime, instead I’m seeing lots of girlfriends and lovers lol. I mean if you lived a pirate life then that makes sense lol. I do believe you’ve been in love twice with 2 different people. I’m hearing the first one is a childhood friend, someone you grew up with since birth but this person ended up getting engaged to someone else before you left home. They were sweet, pretty and quiet. The 2nd person was a riot LOL. They were over confident, impulsive, a fighter and great in bed, pure Aries energy! Hold on, I’m hearing captain, were you messing around with your captain lol. They were the complete opposite of you which is why you loved them. You guys were that annoying on and off again couple. I’m hearing child so you two have a child together! I’m hearing a Son. You also have a daughter but she’s by someone else, a fling you met while on your travels. I feel like you were closer to your son than daughter but that’s because your son was raised on the ship with you. You do regret not being closer to your daughter though which is another reason you drink.

What can you learn from this life: you have a lot of lessons around family, love and your children. If you have children or want any then I do feel like these are the children that’s going to come back. Pay attention to the connection to your daughter this lifetime, she may have resentment toward you but that’s a past life energy you’re experiencing. She felt abandoned in that lifetime and the soul remembers. With love, you may need to learn boundaries, commitment and not stick with toxic people. I feel like the childhood friend from this life may appear in this one as well and this is who you should choose to be with but the “captain” will be the one who draws your attention! Don’t fall for it y’all!! You also need to be your own caretaker too! You’ve been taking care of everyone else that you don’t know what you want to do for you! You lack structure foundation and that may be a key lesson for you in this lifetime.

What a wild lifetime this was apples 😅

🍌

Overview: first thing that popped into my head was the tv show Downtown abbey LOL, I’ve never fully watched that show but I know it’s about the lives of the low class working for noble rich folks. I’m hearing lower middle class marries rich British man. So this pile gives me woman/fem energy. I’m seeing a long trench neigh coat with a black dress and red lip stick. You are very determined and want to make it in this “male dominating world” this was I heard. I don’t think you were from Britain because im hearing the word emigration. So what I’m seeing is that you are a student studying overseas and to help with the cost, you work a maid or a secretary for a wealthy family. I’m hearing this family comes from royalty, they’re not the royal family but possibly cousins or in laws. They’re connected by family in some way. I keep hearing law school so I think you’re studying to be a lawyer and this was your dream school. I keep getting that you’re very introverted, you go to school, work and come home. I’m hearing you have girlfriends but you’re not close and you mostly focus on your work. I’m just going to be honest, you were lowkey boring😂 but this changes once you meet your spouse, he brings out the best and fun out of you. I’m hearing really long life, so you lived until I’m hearing all the way into your 100s. Well respected in your community and career.

Time Period: i keep hearing early 1920s-1950s. I believe you were born in America (USA) but moved and died in England.

Family: so like I said earlier, you come from a lower middle class family. Im hearing single mother so I feel like you were raised by a single mom. I believe she had you young. She worked several jobs to make ends meet. This is where your determination and ambition comes from, you don’t want to struggle like she does so you’re going to get a high end job. I’m not seeing any siblings so I believe it’s just you and your mom. I do feel like you moved your mom with you to Britain when you got married to take care of her until her death aww.

Love Life and Children: this is when things change for the better for you. So you know how I said earlier that you were either a maid or a secretary for this family? Well, you were both! You started out as a maid but didn’t really like doing that. I’m seeing a eww look while you pick up someone dirty drawls lolol. Lucky for you, the patriarch secretary retired and you opt for the job and gets it. The patriarch saw how intelligent you really are so really became like the assistant for him as well. Now here’s where it gets good! The son of your boss sees you and fall immediately but you are not interested lol. You guys do strike up a good friendship and he thinks you’re brilliant! However you only see him as a friend first “He’s cute but my career and schooling is way more important right now” is what I heard. This doesn’t push him away in fact, I’m hearing “I’ll pay for her schooling because she deserves it“ yes he pays for your schooling because his family is donors for the school you’re attending. Also, your spouse is on the board is what I’m seeing lmaoo. So now, you can just go to school without having to work to death but you still choose to work because uh bills lol you do end up giving this son a chance because you appreciate the kind gesture and the rest is history! Im hearing he took you around the world and im hearing the county fair so that could’ve been something y’all were into. Movie dates “were a must” for you. I’m hearing you had 5 kids, 11 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild before you passed. I’m hearing your children were your everything and I think they played a huge part in your lighthearted and playful journey as well! I am hearing there is one grandchild that’s just like you and you two were very close aww!! Oh wow!!!

What can you learn from this life:So I think you also have a problem with letting people getting to know you this lifetime. I think you’re still ambitious ,determined and highly focused on your work. Which isn’t a bad thing at all but make time for love and fun in your life as well. Your main lesson is healing your inner child and open your heart up. The one grandchild that you were close to in your past life may actually end up being your child in this one(if you decide to have children) this child will bring out you’re inner child that you forgot about.

I love this storyline for you bananas 🍌

🍓

Overview: this group is interesting! I’m getting Willy Wonks and Albert Einstein energy here. Lol. You guys were some mad geniuses and inventors. I’m heading “Jack of all trades” so y’all were into a little bit of this and a little bit of that lol. I’m also getting Sherlock and Enola Holmes vibes from you all as well. I’m hearing you guys were writers and record keepers and the globe statue just popped into my head. So this tells me that you traveled around the world recording and writing about different cultures you have interacted with. I see a small child reading lots of books with amazement in their eyes and I feel like this was you. You grew up with deep wonder for the world and became a travelor. It’s hard to pinpoint your energy because it’s sort of everywhere. LOL. I’m getting both Masc/fem energy from this pile. I feel like you guys were androgynous. You were comfortable in both energies. Very free soul who tried and did whatever felt right in the moment which got you in a lot of trouble during your young years lol. You were part of the “new world” of free thinkers and intellectuals. I’m hearing philosopher and seeing an old person surrounded by young children while they listen to this old person stories. This is you! You do slow down but that’s because you’re old lol. The neighborhood kids look up to you because you give them good advice and amazing adventure stories. I feel like you passed of natural causes while reading an adventure book.

Time period: okay so this is going to sound crazy but this pile has lived this type of life for 2 lifetimes in different time periods. First time was in Ancient Greece, the 2nd time was during late 1700s-early 1800s era.

Family: unlike my other 2 piles, you guys had a great upbringing. I heard both parents were well respected aristocrats. They didn’t understand your thirst for adventures but they support you and your mom loved your adventure stories. You were the baby because I’m hearing you had 3 older siblings. I’m seeing 1 sister and 2 brothers. You weren’t close to them due to you always being gone but when you were around, they enjoyed your company. The aristocracy community was never really your thing and your parents supported that but I’m wondering if it’s because you were the youngest and had 2 older brothers who made up for that lol.

Love Life and Children: “what’s a Love Life?” Is the first thing I heard😅 chile y’all were not interested in any of that. You loved life and people but that settle down and getting married lifestyle made your skin crawl lmao. I think you were such a free soul that settling down would’ve made you feel restricted. “I have my nieces and nephews so that’s good enough for me!” You looked at sibling kids as your own. This is the only pile where I’m not seeing you fall in love with anybody. You’ve had crushes and infatuations but never deep enough to want to take the next step. However, i am sensing you were very sexual and was sleeping with everyone. “Men, women and anything between is fine with me" chile, this is the first pile that open about their sexuality lolol. I will say this, there were 3 people who fell in love with you but you didn’t pay attention to them. Those 3 people are coming back this lifetime to try to claim you as theirs. You didn’t have any children of your own but you looked at your nieces, nephews and the neighborhood kids that come by to see you as your children. I’ve read lots of past life energies and this is the most free spirited one I’ve encountered.

What can you learn from this lifetime: considering this is a repeating lifetime theme for you, the first that comes to me is structure, discipline and balance. There’s nothing wrong with having a free spirit but we still need some sort of structure in our lives and this is a main key lesson you need to learn or you’re going to keep repeating this lifetime cycle. You’re energy is everywhere but you’ve missed out on making genuine one on one connections with people. You’re good when it comes to groups but that close deep bond is lacking because you are always on the move. This lifetime is going to feel restrictive but that’s because it’s teaching you structure. I promise once you learn this, it’ll get better

What a very interesting pile this was y’all

If you’re interested in a personal past life reading then I’m open. I’m charging 25$ on sale readings until October 15th!

Thank you for reading and I hope this resonated

#astrology community #astrology #knowledge #intuitive readings #past life #past life reading #pac reading #pick a pile #pick a group

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qweerhet · 10 months

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i just wanted to share my experience. i dont wanna go into too much identifying detail but like. one of my best friends used to be my abuser. we were in an unhealthy codependent relationship for years, both abusing alcohol to cope with our traumas, and unfortunately abusing me as well. eventually we broke up and moved into different places, and both decided to stop drinking for our own sakes. after space and time we came back together to talk and have some closure. we both missed each other as friends. we set very clear boundaries with each other, and started hanging out more in slow and small increments. we both went to therapy, and not only did i process trauma there, i also got to speak to my abuser about it. and actually be heard. its shockingly healing to hear your ex abuser say "that was so fucked up what i did, and im sorry." sometimes these memories pop up still and we kinda have an understanding that me bringing it up is to talk through it with them, not out of anger. for some reason it really helped my healing to understand what my abuser had been thinking and going through themselves during the abuse.

people really don't understand when i try to explain it to them, they look at me like am an idiot, still being abused without realizing it. im not saying it was Easy, or without road bumps. we had fights a couple of times. but now, i feel so much more healed over that trauma than any other in my life. i feel actual closure, and i trust my friend completely now. i just want people to respect that, but oftentimes they don't :(

i don't really have much to say to this--just that i appreciate you sharing this, and that i personally resonate with a lot of it. i've had a similar experience--i don't refer to it as abuse for myself, because i don't think they had hierarchical power over me and i was genuinely just as toxic and violent towards them as they were to me during the period of time that was most harmful. but it was harm, it was emotional toxicity and power games, it was a lot of mutual toxic drug abuse, and it was sexual violence towards me specifically.

and... yeah, we broke up, and moved out, and both did a lot of trauma work and processing and community building and both giving and receiving emotional aid. and eventually, we got to a place where we started being friends again and are able to talk very openly about what we did to each other and why. and hearing "that was fucked up, i'm sorry i did that, and here's why it was wrong and how i act differently now" about the sexual violence i experienced... was the only thing that got me past the sexual trauma i carried with me from that time, in the end.

that's a personal statement. it's not going to apply to everyone, or even most people. but i really appreciated your willingness to share your experience publicly, and i'd like to reciprocate in turn for once. (probably not going to do more personal life experience sharing on this blog, or at least not in more detail than i have already, but i felt like this was an important one to share in this context.)

but yeah. it's really hard when people don't respect that or treat you like you're a naive idiot.

#anonymous #ask

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the-modern-typewriter · 2 years

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Hello!

Quick question: how did you KNOW you were ace?? What made you realize that the term fit you? (I totally understand if you don’t respond to this since people all have different experiences)

I feel like I’m in the spectrum somewhere but idk if I’m “too young” to know myself well for that and maybe I just dont have enough experience with people outside of my friend circle (which i know is bs that is thrown at a lot of queer ppl but I honestly do feel that way for myself)

Thanks!!! Have an awesome day!!!

I had a feeling/slow realisation as a teenager that I was different and things weren't clicking for me in the same way as they did for other people. I assumed I was bi and so put it out of my mind as that was why I wasn't jazzing with the heteronormativity of my school (still identify as biromantic currently, but didn't know ace was an option).

As time passed, I came across asexuality and it felt...right, even when at times I didn't want it to be. I wasn't everything on all the 'you may be asexual' lists, because ultimately people are varied and individual preferences will thus always be complicated and one ace person does not equal having exactly the same interests as another ace person, but it resonated enough that I was like...oh. Huh.

When I found myself thinking things like 'hmm, well, maybe I could sleep with them if I had to for the sake of the planet’, or ‘maybe if I had a lot of cocktails first,’ or 'just get the whole virginity thing over with' like a chore' or other caveats I was like...um, hey brain. Maybe you just don’t want to. Maybe you're experiencing a lack of attraction to any of the available options, that thing you read about. So you may be asexual. But it took me several years to go from that to accepting I was ace due to a number of reasons.

For what it's worth on 'too young', a label is there to help you navigate and interface with the world. You're allowed to say you're ace because it feels like the most helpful definition to you now to articulate your feelings, and that doesn't mean you can't change your mind later and for both labels you have used to still be completely valid.

Ultimately, our words for our sexualities are tools to communicate with ourselves and other people. If it helps you do that, then it's right for you at any given time.

This is not to suggest you're not ace or even that you are, but to say that if you're worried you're not 100% certain or that something might happen that makes you change your mind...you can still say you are asexual. Also worth noting that asexuality covers a large range of attitudes towards sex, from positive to negative. You can also be kinky and ace for example - you can even be kinky, ace and have absolutely no interest in having sex with anyone because the two things are not the same! So in that sense it doesn't rule you out of anything either.

There's a stereotype and you absolutely don't have to fit it, because god knows I don't.

I hope this helps!

#asexuality #asexual #ace things

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utilitycaster · 8 months

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I feel like something so many ppl just don’t get is it’s improv. I’ll see ppl be like “I hate this arc” or “this dragged on” I’m like?? If you want to watch a curated tight fantasy story with a normal beginning middle and end maybe don’t watch long form improv media? Also maybe I’m just fundamentally misunderstanding what ur post is about. I’ll constantly think and say “it’s their game” not as a “they’re above criticism” way but more in a “cmon it’s not like this is a script that’s being poured over by ten ppl sitting in a room debating whether this 30 seconds drags or not”. Like I love Play it By Ear from Dropout but I’d never hold it to the same standard as like Six the musical or whatever. Improv/normal media requires a completely different rule set for criticism imo

Hey anon,

So here's the thing - I agree with this in terms of formal, published criticism (Ebert's Law, if you will) where you are, to an extent, grading on a scale; you should be judging on what the work is trying to achieve and not some abstract ideal that applies equally to all works regardless of provenance.

However, for personal discussion (including your own personal Tumblr blog)? This is totally irrelevant. You're allowed to dislike things, whether it's a 30 minute improvised musical or whether it's the Marriage of Figaro, for any reason. It is 100% valid for someone to look at the Mona Lisa and say "eh, doesn't do it for me," and, moreover, it's just as valid for them to say "it doesn't do it for me because I don't care for representative art and prefer abstract, modern works, but Da Vinci's sfumato technique is indeed masterful" as to say "It doesn't do it for me because it's fucking weird to me that she doesn't have eyebrows." People's enjoyment of a work is not necessarily reliant on effort put in or how much the artist cares about - it should be based on how much the art appeals to them.

It's fine if people hate an arc. If they hate it so much that they aren't able to enjoy watching, then I think they should probably stop watching...but that's a choice for them to make, and as someone who loves complaining, I've talked about arcs dragging and had it interpreted by total strangers as "you clearly seem to hate this" when really it was just a case of me...not liking some aspects of a larger whole, and choosing to talk about that because I had things to say. Like, I do think the early Campaign 3 pacing was deeply frustrating, and I do think that this wouldn't be the case if it weren't improv, but there have been many improv actual plays that I felt had great pacing, and also it was still frustrating to me and I wanted to express that.

In fact, what I was getting at in my post is that if you're trying to provide a counterpoint to other people's criticism, you need to focus on the points they're making; and if you're trying to defend something in general, you need to be talking about what you find good that is specific to that thing, rather than making excuses like "the cast likes it" or "it's improv".

To give an example: I love the Aeor arc, which was, to an extent, divisive. Here's two responses I could have:

"I think the Aeor arc built up to a satisfying and emotionally charged final boss fight that was thematically resonant with the Mighty Nein as a group. I think the path there had a good balance of adventure, combat, and RP scenes, especially given its position as the final arc of the campaign and the one in which many of the character romances were realized. Eiselcross was a fun and well-crafted environment that was challenging for a party of their level, and Aeor provided new insight into the Calamity, which at the time had not been explored in depth, while also providing a lot of opportunities to tie into the arcs of the various individual characters, notably Caleb and Caduceus. I also personally am a big fan of exploring fallen technologically advanced civilizations in a fantasy setting as a trope."

2. "Well, it's the cast's table, and it's improvised."

Both are true, but the first one lets people know what I see in that arc and why I love it. The second one ends the conversation, is true of almost everything Critical Role does, probably doesn't address anyone else's complaints, and doesn't even explain why I like it. And for what it's worth I don't think meta needs to address anyone's complaints - you're allowed to look at the Aeor arc and say "cool, I think it took too long and dragged and was too stressful" and we can part ways knowing we are different people with different tastes. But if I were, hypothetically, passionately trying to defend the Aeor arc and were openly resentful towards people who disliked it, the first option is obviously superior to the second option, which makes me look like someone who cannot come up with a single specific reason why this thing I allegedly love is good, and who is whining because I lack the maturity to accept that my opinions are not universally shared by all.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

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esther-dot · 4 months

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I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback. I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed. I thought it was out of character. I wanted happy romantic J x D. I saw myself in D. I’ve read the books at long last over the past year and I know I have confirmation bias. I love Sansa too. And I see myself in her as well. Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is. I want to love Jonsa. I think that could be such a happy end for Sansa and I want to want that (that being specifically Jonsa; of course I want a happy end for her). But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be. I can’t let go and stop projecting despite consciously being aware that she is not truly very much like me at all. I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure. All I know is that logically I wish for Sansa to be my favorite and I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD and I know Sansa is quite a bit like me but I just can’t seem to embrace that. I’m not sure if I am looking for any sort of advice or wisdom or perhaps just wanting to put my thoughts out there. I’m curious about anything at all that you might have to say

I have my opinions and preferences, but there’s a difference between emotionally connecting and intellectually engaging. I’ve read loads of classic novels because I want to know what they say, why they matter, but I often fail to find them personally meaningful. That’s simply due to life experience which is why certain things resonate with me or don’t. I’ve found, none of us read the same novel, even if we agree on certain aspects or characters, there’s always something else that hits us differently. That’s not an indictment or vindication of a person because I’ve revisited books years later and my response is wildly different.

The book didn’t change, life changed me so I read it differently this time around. That's a good thing to bear in mind when we're talking about the same series for years on end, there's room for us to evolve our stances because we're changing. I leave room for that with others, I permit myself the same understanding. I hope you do that for yourself too!

Also, my sensibilities aren’t Martin’s, so even if I make arguments about why a certain thing shouldn’t/should happen, I know it still might or might not. Jon and Dany isn’t a universally accepted pairing for no reason. And even though most of what I say about Dany I tag with “anti,” that’s just because I want people to be able to avoid it if they’d like. I don’t hate her, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I think her story is full of tragedy, so I don’t think there’s anything weird about reading the books and your heart going out to her. Many, many fans identify with her, some because they too are abuse survivors. That’s why a lot of fans connected so deeply with show Sansa as well. I was frustrated before the GoT finale because the people who argued with us about Dany were actively defending her burning people alive and denying where her story was going, but after GoT ended, I went into the Dany tag and saw a few posts by more normal fans who simply loved a girl who had inspired them and helped them in their own struggles, so I understand who she is to people even if she isn’t that to me.

I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed.

This was a pretty universal sentiment, and I felt betrayed too (although for different reasons, coming from a completely different direction), so I sympathize.

Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is.

I think the “problem” (not really a problem, but we’ll call it that) is that Martin wants his characters to be more than one thing. I’ve said in the past, he has quite an expansive view of what one person can encompass which means, I look at, let’s say, the Hound quite differently than many in the fandom. Every bad thing I have ever said about him is true, but there are good things about him that are true too, and Martin wants both to coexist. That’s true for Tyrion (another villain), Jaime, Theon….it’s true for Dany too. She’s even more enmeshed with good things, as more good desires, than those guys, so it’s easy to let it eclipse everything else. I’ve pointed out before that with Dany, it’s always a one-two. She “saves” people, then we discover it wasn’t salvation at all. You have to be open to questioning her to realize that though.

The way the show framed her, a lot of people saw themselves or who they wanted to be in Dany, and even now, I’ll hear people occasionally compare themselves to Dany in a positive way, because for years, she was a #girlboss. We might have a lot of skepticism around that idea now, realizing it was to hide what her story actually was, but it resonated because, who wouldn’t want to be capable of fighting injustice? Of walking into a situation and taking control of it and rectifying wrongs? The problem is, in the books, we’re presented with the reality that her methods aren’t improving things, and in the show, they mute that as much as possible. When the author is trying to show the devastation of war and the showrunners opted to glorify it, the audience is gonna have a reaction that’s no longer compatible with the original intent. For instance, Arya killing all the Freys. That’s presented as a bad ass moment, that’s their view, so why would a fan realize, “but over here vengeance / unnecessary bloodshed is bad.” It’s careless storytelling, but D&D were also dishonest too. They included certain moments to justify the ending, but undermined it so fans wouldn't track it, rewrote characters to make them obsequious to Dany. And then they drowned it all in bs interviews / commentary, loads and loads of hype and marketing....they twisted it completely out of any discernible shape. Confusion is an understandable response to such contradictory nonsense. People I'm a fan of made sense of it, predicted it, but I do think y'all were lied to by the showrunners which annoys me to no end.

But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be.

That's love though. I've experienced this so often in real life, wanting good for someone I care about, desperately wanting them to see the self-destructive patterns they have, and not being able to get them to change anything and learning to either accept where they are/who they are, or learning, I can't accept it and ending the relationship because it wasn't healthy for me to be involved. Martin loves his villains, Tyrion is his fav, he wants you to care, that's where he'll get the tragedy in Dany's ending rather than it simply being a clear cut good vs evil ending. I think he wants us to have sympathy on both sides of the coming struggle, and to have fans see the heroic path Dany could have and watch her fail to follow it and walk down a path she didn't have to choose...it's gonna make it heart-wrenching rather than cliche. I think you may be almost just where Martin wants you.

I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure.

Obviously, I don't know you, but from what I've seen people write about Sansa, I do think her relative powerlessness is a major detractor for fans. For some it makes her boring, for others, they despise her because they're so frustrated by her not doing something. But it's a dose of reality in this fantasy world to have a character constrained by her situation and her life dictated by her gender. I'd argue that Sansa is a more impressive character for the mercy and bravery she shows even thought she is a captive herself, but I understand that's not as thrilling as other characters' stories.

I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD

Sansa has had a few crushes which are fairly...I’ll say, detached from reality. She connects to the characters emotionally by imagining them as romantic figures, less a tangible knowing and loving the individual. It’s all very daydreamy, but mainly, she's been the object of desire for creeps. So, while I disagree with them, there is a part of me that understands why fans aren't looking for her to have an actual romance because the way it has existed in her story thus far isn't tangible for her or rewarding, and of course, there's her age. Dany on the other hand, as young as she was when this story began, has had sexual partners she loves. We say Drogo was an abusive POS, we know Daario doesn't truly care for her, so I understand, with one part of my mind, that fans are looking for her to have a mutual, sexual relationship. If you love Dany, a healthy sexual relationship feels more pressing than one for Sansa, due to past experiences. It feels more appropriate due to her age as well. So, I understand why one can have hooks for you as a fan that the next doesn't. It’s always good to remember though, while we connect to these characters as if they’re people, the author is using them to discuss ideas, and they will experience, or not experience, certain things as a result.

I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback.

I'd like to tell you that isn't the case, but it's probably true. I still get rude messages because I'm a Sansa fan/Jonsa, and I can't imagine a situation like yours, loving both characters and being open to Jonsa but shipping J/D, would allow you to be fully comfortable anywhere. I can't assure you that my corner of the fandom will treat you with the utmost understanding either, so I'm glad you reached out this way and felt safe coming into my inbox. I find talking about things is helpful. There isn't always an answer, but it makes me feel better, so I'm happy to read your thoughts on this even if I can't offer any advice, in the hopes it makes you feel better too. 💗

#dot chat

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dreamhot · 2 years

Text

hey folks

i've expressed this in passing on my alt, but i wanted to start off by saying that i've remained relatively quiet on the situation for numerous reasons - the primary one being that i didn't want to position myself as a place where people would go in order to form their own opinions. others have made more detailed posts on why that can be a problem (see: anchoring bias, as one potential issue), but for me, it was mostly because there was simply no accounting for how everyone might be reacting to the situation. i could speak for myself and nobody else - so why bother, in a circumstance in which we were (and still are) missing so much information?

however, the potential downside of silence is twofold: 1) some people conflate neutrality with a defense of the 'bad' option, and 2) those who share a similar stance might feel... very alone, in an incredibly divisive environment. the most vocal parties are almost always the extremes, and sometimes it feels as though there's no room for people who don't feel they fit in with either camp. and while this is online drama (meaning it doesn't functionally matter in the grand scheme of things), it can still feel scary and alienating, especially when a conflict of this nature springs up so suddenly.

to those who might've felt isolated, confused, conflicted, torn between opposing viewpoints with guilt over how you should or shouldn't be feeling - i'm sorry, and i hope that you've been able to step back and, if necessary, speak with people who might have helped you to process these events as healthily as possible. i will say that whatever your conclusions may be, whether you've decided already or you're still figuring things out, they should come from introspection and your own outlook & comfort level - not what some blogger or twitter user told you to feel. guidance is fine, but the only person who can determine your feelings at the end of the day is you.

i think twitter and tumblr have been the respective homes of the two extremes - the former being those who recklessly posted unquestioning support for dream and cruelly attempted to dismantle & disparage the accuser's statements with nitpicking and mockery, the latter being those who immediately took the most condemning view of the situation and projected their own sentiments as the moral absolute (with the tacit threat that feeling any other way was reprehensible). as someone who resonated with neither group, it was a fraught week to say the least - and i know i wasn't alone in that unsettled space between two vocal factions.

at this juncture, i don't intend to write an essay detailing my precise opinions on the matter - for that, i would simply direct you to jan dwter's post on the situation, which pretty much lays out my exact thought process in its entirety. for now, i would like to highlight one part of her post that i feel is particularly cogent:

"this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that–personal–values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst."

the above paragraph does well to capture my stance that compassion has been severely lacking here (a beat not unlike how january shook out), as there's been a distinct conflation of personal feelings with What Is Undeniably Right/Wrong. i think most if not all of us would agree that dream is far from blameless (and if you feel he's done absolutely nothing amiss, here is where i will politely disagree), but different people will still undoubtedly have outlooks that vary based upon any number of factors unique to them and their experiences. from my perspective, there is no moral absolute here. it's really up to the individual person to decide whether or not they choose to support dream going forward.

for me personally, i echo a sentiment i've heard multiple places now - this situation has shown me that i would benefit from disengaging somewhat, if only because that small bit of distance truly does wonders for my mental health and clarity. as it stands, i'm uncertain about the future of this blog & how active i may or may not be in the fandom. my choice to continue following the content for now is contingent on (what is presumably) the obvious, and i know i'll be extra mindful going forward of anything that might strike me as new evidence of actions behind which i cannot rightfully stand. at the same time, this has all taught me that i'm perhaps not as parasocial as i initially feared - all things considered, i kept a level head, i read multiple perspectives, i talked to many people (online and irl), i settled on my stance, and the world continued turning. as my favourite adage goes, this too shall pass.

for now: keep an open mind. be willing to incorporate new information and process it fully without guilt or judgement. remain flexible to changing opinions even if you're steadfast in your convictions. and above all else, strive for compassion. listen to victims, look at the whole context in challenging or confusing situations, support those who might be in need if you're able. it's impossible to know everything, from details on cc controversies to how the people around you might be reacting to something stressful or even traumatic - but we can do our best to be understanding and patient. it's not easy, least of all in circumstances like these where emotions are going to be understandably intense, but ... sometimes choosing love takes effort. it's a worthwhile cause, however.

take care of each other, yeah?

#manifestos everywhere. i'm sure you can gather what this is about #additionally: if you want to unfollow/sb/hb you are welcome to do so #the dash is your space. curate it as you see fit. i say this without animosity or judgement #i know i'll be doing the same on my end #cheers x #also: inbox staying off for now #reach me on alt if need be

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