Heaven and Hell (Or: Eddie and Evil Woman Do… Prom?!)
Pairing: Eddie Munson x You
Summary: Eddie and Evil Woman are *checks notes* going to prom? Like normies?!
Contains: A high school prom, two nervous freaks, an ill-fitting wardrobe, an unfortunate zit, dancing, references to other E/EW fics nobody will remember, relentless teasing, a happy ending.
Words: 4.5k
"Prom's next month."
You stop playing with Eddie's hair and look down at the head lying in your lap in surprise.
He keeps his eyes on the TV. A blush creeps into his cheeks. Is Eddie Munson seriously thinking about going to prom? You fight a smile and start working your fingers through his hair again.
"Yup… that's what they said on the morning announcements."
Silence. No way he's that interested in the orange juice commercial you've seen ten times today. Eddie Munson is thinking about prom, and he's in the process of chickening out.
"You ever been?" you ask.
"Nah," he says, eyes still on the TV. "You?"
"Nah."
He bites his lip. You can't take it anymore.
"You thinkin' about going?"
He shrugs.
If you were a more patient person, you could poke and prod at him until he finally asked you. However…
"Well, if you were planning on asking me, you're too late."
He finally looks up at you, confusion on his face.
"I've rekindled my romance with Chief Hopper."
A smile spreads across Eddie's face.
"I'm sorry, Eddie," you sigh. "What we had was fun, but you just don't have the stamina. Sometimes a girl just NEEDS full night of porking."
You both snort at the same time, which leads to a fit of giggles.
When you recover, you brush his bangs out of his face. He sighs.
"So, uh…" He licks his lips while he tries to find his words. "If the bacon falls through, would you maybe think about going with me?"
You open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off. "Because it's kinda my last chance, and I know it's stupid, and it goes against everything I stand for, and it'll probably be miserable, and the music's gonna suck, and you probably have a way better idea of what we could do that night, but… ugh, never mind."
Eddie turns back toward the TV, shaking his head so some of his hair hides his burning face. You gently brush it back behind his ear, looking down at him with all the love in your heart.
"Eddie?"
"Hm."
"You're the only person I'd think about going to prom with."
"Really?" He looks up at you with an uneasy smile.
"Yeah," you answer, tracing the shell of his ear.
"We don't have to."
"I know," you smile. "I want to go with you." He smiles back sleepily. "But if I get Carrie'd, I can't promise I'll spare you."
"Kay," he chuckles.
"Mother?" you ask, hovering in the living room doorway.
"Daughter?" she responds from the couch, without looking up from her book.
You take a deep breath and stare at the floor.
"Ineedapromdress."
"What?"
You sigh and raise your head. "I need a prom dress."
Her book drops to her lap, revealing wide eyes behind her glasses.
"What did you just say to me?"
"I need a prom dress," you repeat with a roll of your eyes.
"Oh my god! I have a child who's voluntarily attending a school function!"
"What's up?" Gareth asks from behind you.
"They're going to the prom!"
You slowly turn and see him looking at you in amusement.
"Shut up," you order before he can even say anything.
"She's even gonna wear a dress!" your mother shrieks.
"Shut up," you repeat, glaring at Gareth's stupid smirky face. "Kay, I'm going to bed, open to shopping suggestions and financial contributions, good night."
You squeeze past him and make a mad dash for your room.
"They're all gonna laugh at you!" Gareth warbles in his best Piper Laurie impression.
"Shut up!" you repeat one last time, then slam your bedroom door.
"He's heeeere," Gareth announces as he passes by your bedroom door.
"You look perfect," your mom assures you.
She's been working on your makeup for fifteen minutes, and it's finally the way she wants it. And you have to admit… you look pretty damn good.
She'd taken you to the city for a day of shopping, and after several hours of hunting, you'd actually found a dress without puffed sleeves, ruffles, or tulle.
"Give me a minute, I want the camera on his face when he sees you," your mom says excitedly.
"Mother, it's a high school prom, it's not our wedding."
"Let me have this!" she whisper-yells. She grabs her camera and leaves the room.
You take one last look at yourself, stand, and slip on your shoes. Heels. You're even wearing fucking heels.
You walk down the hall and turn into the kitchen…
Eddie Munson is wearing a suit.
You'd offered to help him look for one, or find him something in the city, but he said he had it covered. And he did. He's even wearing a tie, and he's tamed his hair somehow. He looks freakishly presentable (for Eddie) and is holding what you imagine is a corsage in a box.
"Hi."
"Hey."
You stand there and stare at each other. Awkward. It's awkward.
"Eddie! Give her the corsage!" Your mom stage-whispers.
He tries to hold it out to you, but fumbles it and drops it on the floor. You both reach down to get it, and you hear a RIIIP tear through the kitchen. You both stand immediately, looking and feeling your outfits.
"Was that you or me?" you ask, trying to feel the back of your dress. You knew this fucker was too tight. But your question is answered when all the blood drains out of Eddie's panicked face.
"Let me see, honey," your mom says gently, putting a hand on his shoulder to turn him. The seam in the back of his jacket has ripped.
"Dude! You Hulked out on prom night," Gareth laughs from his seat at the kitchen table.
You give him a warning shush, and for once, he obeys.
"Slip that off, I'll have it as good as new in no time." Your mom helps Eddie out of his jacket and takes it in the direction of her sewing machine. You carefully retrieve the corsage from the floor and put it on the table.
"Uh… that's for you," he mumbles, the color returning to his face.
"Thank you," you smile, leaving the box closed until your mother can return and witness this sacred and not-at-all stupid prom ritual.
You turn to Eddie and lift a hand to run through his suspiciously tame hair.
"Don't look at it," Eddie mumbles.
"Don't look at what?" you ask.
"His third eye," Gareth supplies helpfully. That's when you notice the zit between his eyes. Eddie's face reddens so much that it almost blends in. Gareth snickers. You pick up a damp kitchen towel, ball it up, and throw it at him. It hits him in the ear.
"Don't you have some place to be?" you ask pointedly.
"Nope," he grins, leaning back and lacing his fingers behind his head. "Mom's taking me to Jeff's after you leave."
You roll your eyes, reach for Eddie's hand, and pull him to your bedroom.
"Sit," you instruct, pointing at your desk. He drops into the chair with a defeated sigh. You start digging through your extremely elegant shoebox full of makeup, then realize what you need. "I'll be right back," you whisper with a kiss to the top of his head.
You return with a cotton ball.
"What's that?"
"Wite-Out. My make-up's too dark for you," you joke.
Eddie's brow furrows, and you apply a dab of peroxide to his unfortunate growth. When it dries, you reach for the concealer.
"What are you doing?" he asks nervously.
"Covering that up."
He sits silently and watches you reach for this and that to cover his bump, and when you stand back and smile, he frowns.
"What's wrong?" you ask. "I can wipe it off if you want, I thought you wanted it gone."
"I feel like a clown," he grumbles.
"You are a clown."
He pouts. You point at the mirror, and he leans over to see his camouflage… and his jaw drops. You lean down until your head is next to his, so you can see what he sees.
"Witchcraft," he whispers.
"You know it, babe," you wink.
"One freshly tailored suit jacket for the young lad," your mom announces as she steps into the room. Eddie stands, and she helps him into it. She brushes her hand along the seam. "Good as new!" she declares. "But no break-dancing tonight." Eddie laughs.
After the official corsage and boutonniere exchange in the kitchen, you're marched into the living room for pictures. Each pose is goofier than the last, but you aren't allowed to leave until your mom finishes off a roll of film.
You both breathe a sigh of relief when the van doors slam shut.
"You still wanna do this, or do you wanna go get blazed and hide out at my place?" Eddie asks, probably about 40% joking.
"What time is it?" you ask. Eddie consults his watch and reads the time back to you. You pretend to consider it for a second, then shake your head. "Chief Hopper is expecting me in 15 minutes, and my little piggy does not like to be kept waiting."
Eddie snorts and starts the engine. Hawkins High Prom 1986 it is.
"Where'd you get your suit?" you ask a few minutes into the surprisingly awkward drive.
"George. The thrift shop guy. Told him I needed something prom-worthy. This was his grandson's. 'He's a lanky thing, just like you,' he said."
"It's nice," you admire.
"It's a little small, but… y'know." Eddie shrugs. "Price was right."
"Is it uncomfortable?"
"It's… a little tight," he admits.
"Baby, you don't have to wear stuff if it makes you uncomfortable."
"It's fine… as long as I don't have to move my arms much."
"Is it the shirt too, or just the jacket?"
"Mostly the jacket, the shirt's got some stretch to it."
"Ditch it."
"Ticket says jacket and tie required."
"Ditch it as soon as they let us in."
"This is why you're the brains of this operation," he mumbles as he pulls into a parking spot.
"Correct," you grin.
"Stay," Eddie orders, hopping down and scrambling around the front of the van to open your door. You're suddenly reminded of your first official date; he'd tried so hard to be someone else, but you didn't want someone else. You wanted Eddie Munson, and you wanted him just the way he was. You take his hand and slide to the ground, wincing as your heels hit the pavement.
"Is your battle armor in here?" you ask, nodding toward the back.
"Of course."
"Fetch."
Eddie smirks and walks toward the back, and you shut your door and follow him. He grabs his leather jacket and patch-filled vest, and hugs the pair to his chest.
You reach for them, and he hands them over. You separate the pair while he watches nervously, like you're separating conjoined twins that he personally gave birth to.
"Lose the child-sized suit jacket," you instruct. He tries, but gets stuck almost immediately. You muffle a laugh and step behind him to help him out of it, then slide his plain leather jacket on.
He looks more comfortable already. And considerably more Eddie-like. You go to transfer his boutonniere to his jacket pocket… but he doesn't have one. A bit of quick thinking and one rip later, his dumb little flower is attached with a strip of duct tape. You step back to admire him.
"There he is," you smile.
"Now he's gotta find his girl," Eddie says, "and then they can go do this damn prom thing."
You look down at your outfit and back at him, but he's already digging… through your overnight bag?
"Eddie, what--"
He cuts you off by slapping the soles of your favorite sneakers on the floor of his van.
"You've been wincing with every damn step since you walked into the kitchen. Lose the shoes."
You grin and sit down to swap your heels for sneakers. Sneakers that Eddie vandalized during a particularly boring assembly. It was one of the reasons why they were your favorites; the boy's a ballpoint artist. The other was--oh, that's nice. You stand comfortably and breathe a sigh of relief.
"You want a little liquid courage?" Eddie asks, shaking a bottle of liquor at you.
"Sure," you answer. You each take a swig in hopes of making your night a little more bearable. Eddie stashes the bottle in the van and slams the back doors shut.
"M'lady," he says, offering an arm. You take it, and walk toward the Hawkins High gym doors. Any time now, alcohol.
A cheerleader-in-training eyes you warily, but takes your tickets and lets you pass by her table into the gym… decked out in streamers and balloons. Wicked classy, Hawkins High.
"And you say I never take you anywhere nice," Eddie grins.
"I have literally, not once, ever said that."
Eddie laughs and takes your hand.
"Munson?!" a voice shrieks.
"Yeah?" he asks uneasily, turning to see Mrs. O'Donnell.
"What are you doing here?"
You look at each other, and back at her.
"Whatever people usually do at prom, I guess?"
"I'll have no shenanigans from you tonight, Munson."
"Wouldn't dream of it, O'Donnell."
"Don't even think about going near that punch bowl," she warns.
"Why, what's in the punch bowl?" he asks. You try to keep a straight face.
"Just punch, and that's the way it's going to stay. Isn't that right, Mr. Munson?"
"Yes, ma'am," he says innocently.
Mrs. O'Donnell looks you both up and down, sucks her teeth in disapproval, and walks away without another word.
"Like I'd waste good liquor on these ungrateful assholes," he mumbles. "Do have an emergency flask in my pocket, by the way."
"Aww, and I thought you were just happy to see me."
"That's in the other pocket," he winks.
"C'mon," you laugh, pulling him to the other side of the gym. Once you're in a quiet spot, you scan the room for familiar faces. You knew you were pretty much on your own - all of the other Hellfire boys were having a movie marathon and sleepover at Jeff's - but you thought you'd look for potential allies anyway.
"There's Nancy Wheeler," you notice.
"And the Elder Byers," Eddie points out.
"I think we're on our own, babe."
"Just how I like it," he grins.
"You gonna dance with me, or just stand here lookin' pretty all night?" you ask.
Eddie responds by flipping his hair over his shoulder dramatically.
"C'mon," you smile, nodding toward the dance floor. He balks.
"This song sucks."
"Every song's gonna suck," you remind him.
"This one sucks more than average."
"Then how 'bout we visit the snack table and lay a curse on the punch while we wait for something that sucks slightly less?"
"This way, m'lady," he says nerdily, holding out his arm. You roll your eyes and take it anyway, working together to assemble a plate full of cheap snacks and two cups of unspiked punch. You retreat to the bleachers and pick at your bounty.
"So… this is a high school dance," he remarks.
"Yup… imagine, some people's entire high school careers revolve around this thing."
"I'd kinda rather be at home," he confesses.
"In our pajamas," you add.
"Watching shitty movies," he continues.
"Eating shittier pizza."
"Maybe fooling around a little?" He waggles his eyebrows and tilts his head toward the door.
"We went through a lot of trouble to get here, Edward. I went shopping. With my mother. You put on a suit. And a tie. And grew a stress zit."
"Shut up," he grumbles, hand instinctively touching the bump between his eyes. You lean in to kiss his cheek.
"Let's give it an hour. You've gotta dance with me at least once."
"Fine," he pouts. You feed him crackers, and he starts to relax a little.
When the opening chords of "Footloose" blare through the speakers, Eddie cringes. The people on the dance floor go wild.
"C'mon," you order, standing up and reaching for his hand.
"No."
"Yes."
"Absolutely not."
"Eddie Munson, you get your spastic ass on this dance floor with your dumb-ass classmates right now."
He whines, and looks… nervous? You sit back down, face full of concern. He scans the crowd, and you look too. Eyes keep darting to you. Not outright staring. Just keeping an eye on you. Like your whereabouts are a matter of public safety. You've been so focused on Eddie, you haven't bothered to pay attention to everyone else.
"It's just…" he starts, and then stops.
"Eddie?" you ask quietly, turning your head back to him. "This is our prom, too." You slide a little closer to him and hold his hand. "And I'm glad I'm here with you."
Eddie leans his forehead against yours and squeezes your hand.
"You think they're upset that we had the nerve to show up?" you smirk.
"Probably ruined their whole night," he grins. "Dear Diary, the freaks crashed prom."
"And ate all the fucking snacks," you laugh.
A flash makes you both jump.
"Sorry," Jonathan Byers smiles apologetically from behind his camera. "You guys were being cute, and Nancy demanded a photo for the yearbook."
"It's cool, man," Eddie grins. "Can we get a copy of that?"
"Sure," Jonathan nods. "They hired a professional photographer for portraits, by the way. Over in the corner. It's included in the ticket price."
"Cool," Eddie says.
"Anddd Nancy's waving me back," Jonathan groans. "You guys have fun tonight. At least some of the freaks should."
You and Eddie both chuckle as Jonathan goes back to Nancy for his next assignment, hearts in his eyes completely undermining his complaints.
"Well…" Eddie puffs his cheeks and blows out a breath of air. He's experienced all that prom has to offer, and is clearly not impressed.
"One picture, one dance, and we're the fuck outta here," you propose.
"Deal," he agrees.
You walk, hand-in-hand, over to the photographer's corner and get in line behind three other couples. Well, two. Kimmy Little sees you standing in line behind her, and drags her date off in the other direction. You and Eddie share a knowing look, but say nothing.
When the time comes, the photographer instructs you to assume the traditional prom photo position, and you do. You let Eddie hold you around the waist and smile like a total fucking jackass for several seconds while you wait for the flash. You and Eddie stumble away with spotty vision and hands tightly clasped. He's your lifeline, and you're not letting him go.
When your vision returns, you look from the bleachers to the exit. Is it really worth walking all the way back over there to sit and be bored, when you could just leave and have this lame night be over with?
Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" starts playing through the gym's shitty speakers, and you smile. You're a sucker for this one. Eddie looks at you with dread. He knows what's coming.
Silently, you slip backward into the crowd and pull him with you. He doesn't protest this time. He follows, eyes not leaving yours. The crowd must have parted for you. Perhaps there are advantages to loving the resident freak. You stand close and put his hands where they belong, and then yours. You stare into Eddie Munson's eyes and sway slowly to a song he tolerates, only for you.
You're glad you came. You're glad you're with him. You're glad this is the song you got to dance to. You're glad he made you swap your heels for sneakers.
But mostly, you're glad when the song is over, because you come together for a quick kiss and make a mad dash toward the exit.
"You son of a bitch," Eddie growls, trying to force his suit onto a hanger.
"Leave it, gremlin, I'll do it."
"Thank you," Eddie grins, throwing his suit on the bed and kissing your freshly scrubbed cheek. You'd washed off all your makeup and hair products together, had a little fun in the shower, put on pajamas, and smoked a joint to wind down. You were thrilled to look and feel like yourselves again. "I'm gonna go pop a pizza in the oven. Put something good on, I need to cleanse my poor ears of the top 40 garbage they were subjected to tonight."
"Yes, dear," you deadpan, hanging up your dress as he exits the room.
"Music!" he whines from the hallway.
"FINE!" you yell back. You pop in the first mix tape you find and turn up the volume. You force Eddie's suit on a hanger, put the formal-wear in the hall closet, and join him in the kitchen.
He's sitting on the counter, watching the clock and drinking directly out of a nearly empty two-liter pop bottle.
"You really know how to treat a girl," you smirk.
He burps in response.
You feel like you should roll your eyes or pretend to be annoyed, but you're so in love with this fucker, you find every dumb thing he does to be charming. You lean on the counter next to him, and he hands you the bottle. You take a swig, then pretend it's a microphone.
"I'm here with Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin, who has just been to his first and last school dance! Tell us, Eddie, how was the Hawkins High prom?" you ask, placing the open bottle by his mouth.
"Sucked dick, thanks for asking!"
"It did not suck dick!" you protest, slamming the bottle on the counter with a slosh.
"It sucked some pretty major dick," he argues.
"You got to spend time with the woman you love! In a formal setting! She wore a damn dress for you!"
"I like her better in pajamas."
"Only because I'm not wearing a bra," you scoff.
"Well… I mean, yeah," he says, hopping off the counter and taking your hands in his. "Don't get me wrong, the dress was great. Have deposited the cleavage situation in the spank bank, so thanks for that. But this is just… better. 'Cause this is us."
When you're right, you're right.
The opening chords of Black Sabbath's "Heaven and Hell" play through Eddie's bedroom speakers, and a wave of appreciation for where you are and who you're with washes over you.
"No bowtie-wearing jocks or frilly little bitches staring at us," you smile, sliding your hands to his shoulders and pulling him close.
"No restrictive clothing," he smirks, letting his eyes linger on your chest as he settles his hands on your waist.
"Eyes are up here, Munson," you remind him as you begin to sway subtly.
He looks up and grins. "Those are pretty okay, too, I guess."
You smack him in the chest, and he laughs.. and then his face falls.
"You tricked me," he accuses.
"How did I trick you?"
"This is our second dance!"
"Yes, but its to our music, so it's counteracting the pop-adjacent one at the actual dance."
"Ugh, fine," he pretends to cave with a roll of his eyes.
You keep dancing until the song starts to pick up, and Eddie looks at you with his eyes full of mischief. He starts moving just a little faster from side to side, swaying with the music as it builds. Before you know it, those spastic moves you tried to coax out of him at prom were coming out in his kitchen. You would have been perfectly satisfied to just watch him dance like a dweeb, but he grabs both of your hands and forces you to join him. You do so happily.
You dance, you spin, and you laugh together in the Munson's kitchen to a mixtape of Eddie's own making. It's the most fun you've had in weeks. Why did you spend so long stressing over prom? Prom was nothing. Prom was a bunch of rich kids in tacky, overpriced clothes that you'd be laughing at in twenty years. This is real. This is what you should be living for.
When the song begins to wind down, you and Eddie are nearly out of breath from all the head-banging and jumping around. The slow dancing resumes without complaint.
"I think this is the Heaven part," you observe.
"Huh?"
"Heaven and Hell," you say, looking up into his beautiful red face. His bangs are stuck to his sweaty forehead. His zit has lessened in intensity after a post-shower application of peroxide. His eyes are big and round and curious. This boy is perfect, and he's all yours. "Prom was Hell. Other people are Hell. This, right here? Me and you? This is the Heaven part."
Eddie's eyes crinkle as he smiles. He pulls you in close and crushes you in a hug. You squeeze him back and breathe in the calming, familiar scent of him. You love this boy more than anything.
"I love you," you mumble into his shoulder.
"I love you too," he responds. "Even if you did make me go to prom."
"This was your idea, fool," you laugh, giving him a backwards shove.
"Not how I remember it," he grins. He laces his fingers and holds them under his chin, bats his eyelashes, and continues in a high-pitched voice that sounds nothing like you: "'Oh Eddie my love, please, won't you take me to prom? It would be the highlight of my life!' Pretty sure you begged. Groveled, even."
"You are insufferable," you laugh, pushing him away from you.
"You're the one who made me go to prom!"
"You know, Munson, according to the pamphlets that everyone's been throwing at me all week, most teenagers have sex on prom night. But I think you're gonna have to get your ass kicked instead. C'mere."
"No!" he yelps, backing into a corner. "Please! I have children!"
"We don't have to share our pizza with them, do we?" you laugh, too lazy to engage in a play-fight with him.
"Pfft. No." He relaxes. "I wouldn't even share with you if I didn't have to."
Your jaw drops.
"I'm kidding!" he insists, coming forward to envelop you in a hug. You go rigid and refuse to hug him back. "I'm kidding. You know I'd save my last Fudge Round for you."
"Oh, really?" you smile, looking up at him.
"Eh… Nutty Buddy, maybe?" He screws up his face in concentration. "Nah. Oatmeal Creme Pie?"
"You are unbelievable," you scoff with a shake of your head.
"You love me anyway."
"Yeah, I guess," you sigh in defeat. "But please don't tell Chief Hopper. It would break his heart."
"Oh my God," Eddie groans, pushing you away and rolling his eyes toward the ceiling.
You cackle, and the oven timer dings.
This is definitely Heaven, but you've still gotta give him a little Hell.
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Batfam X One Piece Crossover AU
Someone mentioned this sort of au and I went Insane a bit ^-^' hope you guys enjoy!
Okay so a Batfam in the One Piece world au and how I think it would work/go;
I imagine the Batfam were whammied into an entirely new dimension while on patrol so we have the full costumed roster (but not the full extended clan cuz that's so many people lol) so we have Bruce/Batman, Dick/Nightwing, Jason/Red Hood, Tim/Red Robbin, Damian/Robin, Cass/Black Bat, Stephanie/Batgirl (you can pry Steph still being batgirl out of my cold dead hands), and Duke/Signal.
The First thing they do is figure out where they are, an island in something called the ___ blue (idk which they should be in lol, but it's best if they start in a blue I think), and are very obviously not in their world. (I'm gonna say for the sake of Plot either One Piece doesn't exist in their world or none of them have watched/read it because that would be too easy lol)
Ofc the second thing they do is try to find a way home and gather info but uh, they quickly realize this world doesn't have the best tech around to build something to take them home, and places/people they can get to would be either hard to find or in a place that's very dangerous to get to (Vegapunk is their best bet but... not really an option for right away due to mentioned reasons).
They think of asking this "World Government" for help for all of two seconds, before finding out how fucking awful and corrupt the whole system this world has and nixes that idea right in the bud. They're Vigilantes for a reason, after all, and know corruption in governments very well. So honestly, their best bet is either trying to go along and find someone that can help and materials, or waiting for their people from their world to come and get them.
(SO much more under cut im sorry Brain went Brrr)
Tbh it must be so wild to be in this world too tho, for some many reasons. It's close enough, but then you factor in all the different races and species, and how the world is set up. Add the fact most of it not as advanced as their world, except in some places which it is? And how half their technology runs on... snails?????? What a baffling world. Also, people can have powers and are gained from something called Devil Fruits which give you powers in exchange that the sea can and will kill you, except for some races have natural powers due to their biology.
They decide pretty quickly in world of water to not eat the Devil Fruits. Also keep an eye on Duke because his powers, while not too flashy, arnt a devil fruit, and they have no way to explain how he has them, and how he can manipulate both light and shadows.
Its probs also so jarring because like, in their world, they are used to being the peak of what humans can do. They keep up with metas and aliens and are cosidered among the best of the best for a reason, and while they often have to compensate with gear and tech, at the end of the day they can only go so far as humans.
However, it's different in this world. Clearly even though there are humans, their biological standards are different then their Earth, and even just humans without powers can go far beyond their own norm if they train and work hard enough for it.
The Batfam could easily handle the Blue's pirates and marines, and probs all cannon fodder marines, and while I think they could deal with a good chunk if not most people in Paradise baring the strongest in the first half of the grand line, there's no way they could deal with the New World even with their best gear and in peak condition for them. Which sucks because their best bets are likely in that Sea.
Idk where I'd see them, my heart wants them to be pirates of their own little run pirate crew, but I could easily see them being picked up by a canon crew or turning Revolutionaries in exchange for getting help find a way home, or pirates with connections to Revs. The only thing I can't see is them as Marines, as stated a few paragraphs above, lol, but also I figure they run into the law and go fuck you guys and what you stand for and end up with bounties so they are wanted anyways. But either way they are gonna be progressing and trying to find a way home while getting stronger.
I imagine Haki is the first thing they really try to get down after leanring about it. Idk how they managed to find out about it either in the blues or so early in the grand line, but they are expert information gatherers so they do and immediately try to learn it (either tracking someone down who knows it or how to unlock it, or finding adequate documentation in how to do it) and get to work. It's their best chances in getting a leg up in this world.
And they do unlock it! They're pretty much all geniuses, and they already have experience learning weird skills and manipulating their mental will (they can block out telepaths and have strong willpower in general against mind control canonically), so learning to manifest it into Observation and Armament Haki is less about how hard it is and more just if they can (After all they aren't from this world) and how to apply it. Thankfully, it seems they can.
Duke's Observation makes his future vision so much more powerful, so much he actually has adverse effects to it at first before he gets used to it. Observation is great, just helps what they already natrually know but Armament is very much beloved, instant armor that helps you hit harder even against normal people, let alone devil fruit users!! They are big fans.
Conquerors Haki off the table rn because A.) they don't know if they have it and B.) Who or whatever they learned Haki from didn't explain it or have it to explain so that's put to the side for now, but I'm unsure who, if any of them, have it. Maybe Bruce and Jason, and maybe Damian? I feel?? I could also see Dick unlocking his use of it in a fit of protective rage? Im largely Unsure.
I also think it would be neat if the longer they are here, their bodies adapt to this world more and more until they start being able to past their peak of what they could do before and just... keep going. It varies from each batfam member how they feel on their biology changing over time, but they can't do more than just accept it. At least it will help them survive.
Also, they have to adapt in more ways than one. They arrive and their best gear, fully stocked and mostly undamaged, but the longer they are here the more they run out of supplies and things wear down so they have to figure out how to get/make more or alternate for something better. Batarangs thankfully, while having to be made of a different material, can be made from any island with a good blacksmith who's willing to let them use their forges to make them themselves (cuz having to commission them would take money they don't actually have)
Their suits thankfully are fine and reinforced, but over time they're gonna have to likely find a fabric that could replace the stuff their suits are made of or just switch to diffrent outfits inspired by their suits. Dick's Escrima Sticks can't be charged, so they end up not electrified until they find a way to do it later. Jason's guns inevitably run out of ammo then even if he makes his own, they get just damaged so he's forced to switch to the local pirate guns, thankfully not all are just flintlocks.
Damian's sword is apparently very high grade here and is very smug about it, though annoyed other "Swordsmen" keep wanting to know more about his blade and where he learned to use his "weird style". Tim gets a boa staff that has the ends tipped in sea stone.
Their styles also adapt over time. I have this vision of Dick getting his hands on these boots, probs with Dial technology, that let him jump higher and bounce off of walls if he times it right. Jason with Dial guns. They start picking up the 6 powers as well, not all, but Geppo and Soru become very heavily utilized. I think one of them should end up with Voice of all Things, either Cass or Duke, because it's fun lol.
Im... unsure about devilfruits, but I think it would be intrestin to explore if somone ate one, likely out of despration or having little choice. Unsure who or what fruit but just would be neat i think, expecially dealin with the side effects. Tho Dick with a Wind Logia or a winged Zoan of sorts sounds SO interesting. (Can you tell who my favorite batfam memeber is? ^-^')
As for Ponyglaph Runes, Bruce and Tim def find out about it and try their best to tackle it, but It's REALLY hard to learn an entirely different language with unfamiliar sentence structure when you have absolutely no keys or references to work with. They learn of Nico Robin, and aren't stupid so figure it's likely an awful cover-up or more to the story, and decide to lowkey make it one of their goals to track her or any other knowledge on how to learn it down. If they get even a bare hint of a clue on how to translate, I'm sure they'd figure it out over time, but Robin is their best bet.
They find out about Whitebeard, and they are quietly glad Bruce's adoption problem isn't that bad but think its funny. Dick is beloved by all and makes enough friends and allies to rival Luffy's charisma, it's a skill man. I can't decide if their Epithets in this world are just their Vigilante names, and they stay masked, or they get knew Epithets and decide there's no point in hiding, or a mix of both but yee.
The OP world either speaks "Common" they can all magically speak now with some diffrent launages in diff parts of the world, OR Japanese, which some of them know and have to teach the others, OR a weird mix of English and Japanese. There's a point in time that people think Damian is Nico Robin's child or sibling because of the Robin thing, and he's a little demon child. Or hell they still do, and he's very livid while Robin is both amused but also scared for this child who is being tied to her.
They still dont kill for the most part, baring Jason, but some of them are pushed into it and they have to figure out what that means for them and what it means moving fowrard with their no kill policy. Some do better with it, some dont. Bruce still hasnt and wont kill, same with Cass, and Damian decides he doesnt want to but will if absolutly no other choice is offered, thankfully they havnt let him had to make this choice yet. (I just have so much thoughts about a assassin raised child deciding they dont want their hands more red now they have the choice).
One or more of them should end up pulled into the War at Marineford and Ace should be saved because I will try to fit a Ace Lives plot into everything lol
Overall I think if this was a fanfic the plot would be a lot of exploring the differences in their worlds, how they adapt and overcome, and trying to find a way home while also coming to like this world and overturning corruption and fucking over the government. I think them with the Strawhats or another crew would be fun, either as allies or joined idk, but I think with them as their own crew would be cool as well. If they join or ally with a crew Bruce lowkey adopts everyone, and he's given SO much shit for it but christ so many of them have such sad backstories and he wants to help
I think in the end they should get to find their way home and like no time has passed, but they're so changed, and arguably considered powered now because lol, but find a way to go back and visit safely.
Sorry for the word vomit but man im in love with this idea. Feel free to comment or send Asks with questions or comments about the au! Please Reblog, and not just like, as they do nothing <3
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