#and then turning around and seeing people who are not jewish in any capacity fucking white knighting and getting like

[phoebified]

ngl i'm still mad as fuck the majority of ssoblr gave me a huge eye roll and the middle finger and a wet booger when i pointed out the racism in the dark riders, esp w chiyo's design. i know i'm a broken record but honestly fuck every single person who sat around and rolled their eyes rather than asking questions when i easily could've -- AND DID -- fucking explain it. and chiyo isn't even the worst one, but she was the one i was most jarred by the reveal of and also the one i was able to give input on BEFORE she went out; my notes on the other dark riders flat out got ignored i'm pretty sure. you can't have a discussion on sabine's design without some lonely person saying "But she's hot tho" which is about as helpful as restocking a bathroom with sandpaper instead of tp

#also theres something fucking astonishing about being jewish and japanese and trying to point out how racist the designs are #and then turning around and seeing people who are not jewish in any capacity fucking white knighting and getting like #WAYYYYYY too comfortable in the way they talk about antisemitism. like it wasnt bad but it was way too familiar like #okay i do not need you to act like that i appreciate the enthusiasm but you are being so much rn #this is not to say i dont appreciate it bc i do. i'm very bad at being jewish so im glad ppl r willing to step up about it #But still. Familiarity. a few posts i saw were like. just. so odd. #n this is funny bc usually in my experience its easier to explain racism than antisemitism so its uh. well #at the very least interesting to see the flip

[evilwickedme]

I said I'd never do jumblr content again and yet here I am because this keeps coming up and it's like the only thing I can think about. That said I will not hesitate to turn off reblogs if y'all are horrible in the notes again, and be warned that I will be blocking anybody who supports any of the theories I mention immediately

There is no such thing as a conspiracy theory that isn't antisemitic. There is no such animal

Antisemitic conspiracy theories go back thousands of years. The ones that still have the most hold on culture to this day are the blood libel, and the protocols of the elders of zion

The blood libel was an accusation that would be brought against Jewish populations in Europe often but especially around Passover claiming that we were killing Christian children for ritual purposes, usually to use their blood for baking matza or other nonsense (it is important to me that you know that this is nonsense. It is horrible and damaging but also to the core a ridiculous lie that never at any point made any sense. They just didn't care). Debatably this trope is present in the merchant of Venice. Undebatably Jews were killed because people did and still do sincerely believe this

The protocols of the elders of zion is a fictitious document published in Russia at the very beginning of the 20th century, supposedly detailing the meetings of the Jewish people who secretly run the world. The protocols were almost immediately proven to be a rip off of another document - ah, plagiarism - but that hasn't stopped antisemites from embracing it wholeheartedly (special thanks fuck you to Henry Ford for publishing them in his newspaper, spreading it across the USA). It built on previous antisemitic tropes, from the greedy banker trope (Jews were forced to be money lenders in medieval Europe as it was forbidden in Christianity and Jews weren't allowed to join any guilds, preventing them from making money in any other capacity - the reason why there are so many Jews in Hollywood is identical, but in the early 20th century) to the concept of dual loyalty (i.e. Jewish are loyal to ourselves above all else and cannot be trusted to be loyal to the country where we live, see: modern trope that every Jew is probably loyal to Israel and the subsequent idea that it's okay to ask every single diaspora Jew how they feel about Israel immediately upon meeting them). It's also worth noting that the word cabal, used to denote the shadowy organizations that supposedly control the world, comes from kabbala, which is Jewish mysticism

The idea of lizard people, created by a guy literally named Icke because he is a gross human being, was designed to repackage the antisemitic shadow cabal concept to be supposedly more palatable

Most qanon theories also build on all of this, such as world leaders preying on children (remember pizzagate?)

But more importantly conspiratorial thinking always positions you as the good guy standing against a mysterious "them", an other which is influencing things behind the scenes. The Jew is the ultimate other, and specifically an other that supposedly forms a shadowy world government, controlling everything and yet somehow not managing to get rid of antisemitism (see: protocols of Zion, lizard people, we control Hollywood and the government which is of course conspiring against you). There is no way to decouple the idea of an evil shadowy organization (usually also referred to as a cabal to really hammer it in) from antisemitism and antisemitic tropes

And this means that even supposedly "harmless" conspiracy theories attract antisemites and train people who aren't necessarily rabid antisemites to confirm those kinds of biases. Obviously Qanon and lizard people are antisemitic, but what does the moon landing have to do with Jews? Well, it was Hollywood and the government that faked it, obviously. Hell, even the conspiracy that Taylor Swift is secretly a lesbian and is either still secretly dating or is exes with Karlie Kloss is riddled with antisemitism -

Okay so I need to explain my position on this because I fucking hate this conspiracy theory, and the fact that most people simply won't acknowledge that that's what it is. Firstly, Taylor Swift has stated that she is not gay or considers herself an ally at least three times off the top of my head, and specifically denied that she was dating Karlie Kloss. Secondly, outing people is wrong. Thirdly, the conspiracy theory hinges on the idea that she would be risking her career by coming out, except that she's proven that basically no controversy can come in the way of her career, she's already "come out" as an ally, donated to glaad and the equality act, promoted queer musicians & artists & designers (there was a song in the reputation tour that was dedicated to a gay designer every single night of the tour). So what's stopping her from coming out at this point? Mysterious forces, clearly. The antisemitism in that I've already explained, but also the virulent antisemitism among Kaylor shippers aimed at her husband and at the fact that she converted to Judaism is fucking disgusting

Again: even a supposedly harmless conspiracy theory leads to antisemitism and attracts antisemites

A few years ago I tried to rewatch white collar cause I remembered really enjoying that show as a preteen and after around a season I just couldn't stand it anymore, because all I wanted to do was jump into the universe and yell at Mozzie to shut the fuck up because these conspiracy theories were barely presented as a joke and never challenged even once by any of the characters. When I rewatched that 70s show it also fucking sucked, but at least it wasn't showing up in every single episode. The blacklist focuses entirely on a literal Cabal, that's what they're called

This stuff is so normalized and it's fucking everywhere and it's exhausting. Jews are to this day being murdered over this. I can't change the world by myself, unfortunately, but if you don't have a specific person to blame for your troubles, shut the fuck up. Just shut up. There is no conspiracy against you. Sometimes life just sucks. Or definitely does for the Jews who get shot at over this shit

Again, I'll be blocking anybody who parrots this bullshit in the comments but especially fucking gaylors y'all are one of the main reasons that being a fan of Taylor Swift's music is fucking unbearable. Just accept you can connect to music made by somebody different than yourself it's not that difficult of a concept

#this post brought to you by my burning hatred of gaylors #antisemitism #jumblr #jew tag #jewish history #conspiracy theories #t swizzle #to the people who will inevitably come into my inbox after this and ask me questions about antisemitism: pay me first #ko-fi link is through my bio #gail speaks

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers Meeting the MC’s Family

I mean, if they have any family at all, what could they even tell them anyway? “Sorry Mom, still in Hell so I won’t make Thanksgiving but I’m doing great though!” This is another long one folks, but I lowkey kind of love it a whole lot. Sooo fun to write. One of my favorite posts so far.

Lucifer

Thinks it's a little weird that they’re so adamant to introduce their family to a literal demon but also kinda gets it. Family is the most important thing to him too.

Is very focused on making a good first impression, from image to attitude. Their approval isn’t going to do jack to stop him from being with the MC but he’d still take pride in being able to charm them for a night. Besides, if the MC cares then so does he.

Has more experience with the human world than the others so he’d know a lot of the do’s and don'ts already. They won’t need to worry about him making some kind of slip up.

Would love the irony if the MC’s family is religious at all. Christian/Jewish especially. May or may not play along with their little rituals but is going to make a lot of thinly veiled, passive-aggressive comments towards his "old man."

Would be most comfortable in a setting where there’s a lot of intellectual discussion or debate. He loves to steer a conversation down towards politics or other controversial things to get a rise out of people. The MC may need to reign him in if that’s a big no-go zone.

Isn’t really going to get along with any younger siblings the MC might have. Either he’s too stiff or too scary. If they’re looking for a playmate, look somewhere else.

Also not going to be particularly fond of any pets they have one way or another. Though he may take a shine to pitbulls or rottweilers because they remind him of Cerberus.

Mammon

You sure about this, MC? Him? Really? Are you really sure? He’s going to think they're crazy but he’s not going to refuse.

Will be so freaking excited if they’re from a well-to-do or, dare say, rich family. So much stuff to steal admire. Yeah, yeah no stealing from the MC’s family, he gets it... He’ll really try his best but it might be good to keep an eye on him.

Surprisingly though, he’s not going to be disgusted if they’re from a poor family either because the dude gets it. Money is hard to come by and things can be tough. He might even… pay... for some stuff while he’s there... You know, if he can. Don’t make a big deal out of it… He's got an image to keep.

He’ll try his best to not come off like a total scumbag and it may actually work. He’s rough around the edges but there’s plenty of chances for his better side to shine through as long as he stays on good behavior. 

They will have to be sure that he doesn’t get to talking too much because his dumbass will let it slip that he’s a demon. 

Mammon may not love kids but kids love him and any younger siblings are going to do the same. Even if he calls them little gremlins, he’ll let himself get roped into whatever game they’re playing and make it a lot of fun in the process.

Bring on the pets! He’s more of a dog person but he’ll play with a cat too. He may not be as animal-obsessed as Satan but he loves a good furry companion every once in a while.

Leviathan 

NOOOOO and you can’t make him!!! A social event involving strangers where he has to make a good impression?? Fuck no, that sounds like actual hell and he doesn’t want anything to do with it!

… But he also can’t just let the MC go back to the human world alone because what if they meet someone better than him and get reminded that they’re with a good-for-nothing otaku…? Okay he's going. But he’s going to pout about it.

His first impression is going to make him come off like a nervous wreck no matter what. There’s really no polishing this bundle of anxiety. The best he can hope for is to ride this thing out until it's done.

Will be pretty quiet and cling to the MC like a life-raft the entire night. Refuses to be left alone with their family in any capacity, he could not handle the awkward silence. If they’re going to the bathroom, then he’s going too damnit.

If they have a pretty nerdy family then he might be a bit more comfortable. Especially if any of their siblings/parents game or are into anime. Steering conversation more towards his comfort zones will help him out a lot...

If they have little siblings who play a lot of video games then he is going to be the coolest person in the world. Period. He knows all the best strategies to practically any game out there, demonic or human. He may even loosen up a little bit and start smiling if he gets to wow an audience with his gaming prowess!

Like Lucifer he’s not going to be all that impressed with pets either way. He’ll think fish are pretty neat and probably even reptiles too but don’t expect him to get too cuddly with a dog or anything.

Satan

Doesn’t hate the idea but agrees that his name is going to have to change if they’re really serious about it. “Hey everybody this is my boyfriend, Satan!” is only going to be appealing to very niche circles...

Like Lucifer, he's going to be mindful of how he comes across. He'd rather the MC's family likes him than didn't, even if it's irrelevant, so expect him to be very polite and sociable. Damn near the perfect gentleman.

… Until something/someone sets off his temper. He may not go full Wrath on the situation but it's probably best to get him out of the room real quick so he can cool down.

Would love if the MC comes from an super educated family but it’s not a must. He's the kind of guy who will ask a lot of questions about any person's profession/skills and how things work regardless of background. He's curious that way.

Either way, he is going to show off his smarts and make sure that their family knows where his intellect is at. He wants them to know that the MC picked someone with a good head on their shoulders, after all.

Best keep him away from small children and bratty teens. He isn't exactly opposed to kids, but it takes one little shit to set him off and NO ONE looks good yelling at someone else's kid. Deserved or not.

Will there be cats? Do you have a cat? Please say you have a cat! He's okay with dogs too but if the MC has a cat this man will be ecstatic. The cat will love him and he will love it right back. Honestly, he's already adopted it. It's his now. Who's MC?

Asmodeus

Baby, you can take him anywhere and he’ll be the life of the party! A little family gathering doesn’t matter to him.

Is going to make sure that the moment he walks through the door the MC's family is in awe of what a catch they've got for themselves. He wants them to be proud of their little MC! To him, that translates to looking good and being fun!

Hope this is a house used to physical affection because he will not (and probably cannot) turn it off. Everyone gets hugs. Everyone.

Extra affectionate the whole night. He'll hold the MC's hand or arm or waist or really any part he can get away with. Kisses on the head and cheek aplenty. He may also lowkey butter up their parents with loads of compliments no matter what situation they're in.

If he's told to cool it on the touching though, he may get offended.

Is going to be better with teenage siblings than little, little ones. The man lives to give dating advice, fashion tips, or makeovers, you name it. Though he has to be careful to mention just human products and not some of the stuff he has back home.

Animal fur on his clothes? After he dressed himself so carefully?? No thanks. You can have your cute puppy or your little kitty. He'll take pictures, but he's probably not going pet much.

Beelzebub

Is honestly kind of honored by the suggestion. The MC is already a part of his family so it only seems natural to make him part of theirs. Though he has some reservations, mostly around his appetite...

He doesn't go up to the human world very much because it's really hard for him to stay fed. He's well-known enough in the Devildom that restaurants know what to expect when he walks in. Not so much up there.

Arrange the meeting around a state fair, festival, or carnival where the food is plentiful and he's golden. Hopefully their family won't be too disturbed by how bottomless his stomach is…

Beel is a sweetheart through and through but his lack of knowledge about how the human world, or humans in general, work might come back to bite him. He may need a little 101 about human manners before going.

Truthfully, their family is in for a real treat! This giant may look intimidating, but he's as gentle as they come. The kind of guy who will carry their grandmother’s bags with a smile on his face just for the sake of being helpful. 10/10 Sweetie, mother will approve.

Ooooh little kids are going to love Beel. He'll let their siblings hang off of him like a jungle gym. Will also play games with them if they want him to. Doesn't matter to him, their family is his family too and he wants to see them all happy.

Man wants dogs. Preferably big ones that he can rough-house with but little dogs he can cuddle work too. Do remind him that he can't just rip a whole-ass branch off a tree to play fetch like you could with Cerberus.

Belphegor

Really? You want that? Lol, okay but no promises. This is pretty much the equivalent of sticking two unlabeled chemicals together in a beaker and leaning in to see what happens. Who knows, but now you're stuck in the middle of it.

He's not going to try especially hard to make a good impression or change himself in any way. If their family is into people who are kind of chill and sarcastic then he'll get along swimmingly. If they were expecting more of a Satan type, yeah. No. He's not holding open any doors.

Won't be taking the whole thing all that seriously to be honest, like, what are a bunch of humans going to do if they don’t like him? Tell MC? They're certainly not going to be able to make him leave. He's humoring them at best, even if he's nice, so why bother fussing about it?

Might be a disrespectful little troll at times like pretending to fall asleep or making casual jokes like "Oh no, ma'am. I'm not all that comfortable with that cross over there because I'm a demon. …. Got ya, didn’t I? That'd be silly." *shit-eating grin*

Would appreciate a quiet, slightly introverted family the most. He's going to start getting annoyed if people in the house are too loud and may speed the whole thing along as a result.

Kids are things he'd rather avoid than have to interact with, but if pressed he will humor the little ones too. Don't expect him to do a whole lot of moving, though. If they're happy to just show him things that he can semi-pay attention to, that works for him.

MC has a pet? Is it fluffy? Is it lazy? Bring'em here. Like Beel, he likes big dogs but would rather just bury his face in fluff than try to wrestle it. He may actually fall asleep with them if they lay still enough for it.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #shall we date #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #whoyoubringinghome?

[nevermindirah]

Ayo

AYO

AYO

But before I scream about her. What made Steve Rogers worthy of Erskine’s serum was his belief in the inherent human capacity for goodness. He was clear-eyed that people can be selfish and cruel and careless, but he believed in appealing to people’s innate desire to do good. It’s been evident since First Avenger that Bucky doesn’t really have that — he’s always been Steve’s morally gray shadow. I want to think Bucky was faking it for Zemo when he said he’d take the shield for himself, but he was so deep up white privilege’s ass last episode that, you know, probably not.

Sam Wilson is the right person to take up the shield because he shares Steve’s ability to lead people by believing in them. “If I’m the only one, so be it, but I’m willing to bet I’m not” is the heart of Captain America. Sharon, like Bucky, has always been willing to do dirty work to accomplish a goal (see: joining the fucking CIA), and holy fuck is she cynical after the hell she’s been through, but Sam Wilson was able to convince her to help him with a few sentences and a handshake.

This show’s politics continue to be messy as hell, with Karli Morgenthau choosing to kill people she didn’t need to kill in order to get those supplies. I hope like all hell that by the end of all this she and Sam will have an honest conversation about what justice really looks like, for the people who were blipped and the people who were left behind, for superheroes who can take off their wings and superheroes whose powers are innate.

The woman Karli lost in Riga was named Donya Madani, and she was holding a hamsa when she died so of course I went googling the moment the episode was over to find out if she was Jewish. Muslim, it turns out. Donya is a Persian name meaning world and Madani is an Arabic name (first as well as and last) meaning citizen. Citizen of the world.

I guess it’s possible that the red hands on the Flag Smashers’ masks are meant to be references to the hamsa. But the thumb is always stylized, often the pinkie is also pointing out like that so the hand is symmetrical, it’s never just any handprint. It’s pretty unforgivable that a show with this level of resources got produced without anyone realizing that red handprints over the mouth are a symbol of the crisis of missing and murdered indigenous women.

I ended this episode on cloud fucking nine because AYO! Holy shit I’m so happy to see her! I hope she punches Bucky in the face for freeing Zemo! I want to spend some quality time with Ayo next episode. How does she feel, and how do Wakandans more broadly feel, about the idea of a world without borders, when airtight borders are what saved Wakandans from slavery and colonization?

This show is so, so messy and yet I fucking adore it. The score using references from previous Cap movies as leitmotifs made me so happy and so many character moments are just a damn delight. I feel like I’m being knocked around like a pingpong ball though, with this fun shit interspersed with painful but thoughtful and important and good representation of US antiblackness and painful and thoughtless and terrible representation of leftist activists who oppose resource hoarding by wealthy countries.

#fatws spoilers #fatws #marvel

[strideofpride]

Do we ever find out when Thanksgiving happens in season 5? I know we don’t get a proper Thanksgiving episode that season, but in season 4 it was Thanksgiving during 4x10 - despite not being an “official” Thanksgiving episode - so I’m wondering if it’s at least mentioned in season 5, since that would be a good point of reference for the timeline of Blair’s miscarriage.

5x01 aired on September 26th, but August makes more sense for the setting given Louis’s comment and the summery vibe. Wait, isn’t there a holiday in 5x02? I don’t have access to my laptop right now to pull up the episode and check, but I’m pretty sure the holiday was the Feast of Assumption, which is on August 15th. So 5x01 must have been before that! (If I’m right.)

So maybe Blair came back towards the beginning of August, meaning six weeks before then would have been mid-June. And given that six weeks is an estimate from her tailor, not her doctor, so she could easily have been a week or two ahead of that. Does she ever mention how long she was in Monaco for? Because I always thought it was three months for some reason, but it might actually not have been that long. The Chair sex scene in 4x22 takes place at the end of May, but isn’t there a small time jump between then and Blair’s pregnancy test/Blair leaving for Monaco at the end? And, assuming the positive pregnancy test in the trash can is Blair’s and not Dorota’s, that means her baby with Louis would also have been conceived at a minimum of 1 to 2 weeks beforehand - otherwise, it would have been too soon for the pregnancy test to detect a positive.

So, assuming Blair conceived sometime in late May or early June, in early August that means she would have been roughly 2 months pregnant, which lines up fairly well for her to have just begun developing symptoms. It requires several assumptions, and for Blair to have been so deeply in denial that she was cognitively able to ignore a positive pregnancy test for roughly two months after the fact, but it almost kind of makes sense, I think.

Hm. This just made the timeline even murkier I feel lol. I’m not Catholic but I think you’re right about the Feast of Assumption (I honestly had no idea what that even is, I had to Google lol) but I AM Jewish and they celebrate Yom Kippur in 505 which was Oct 8th in 2011. So almost two whole months pass between 502-505 then?? But then less than a month passes between 505 & 510?? Cause I really don’t think they ever mention Thanksgiving season 5?? Anyone else remember that??

But yeah, it looks like three weeks pass between that night of the chair sex and the end of 422. But I thought that night was the beginning of May? Especially cause it’s only a day or two after 420 (it’s SO fucked up that only a few days after Chuck almost punches Blair, the writers had her turn around and have sex with him again). And then the three weeks later is right around Memorial Day Weekend, which is basically the official start of summer to most people in America. That’s just how I always interpreted it.

But something I forgot until now, is that Blair doesn’t actually even see a doctor in any capacity until she tags along with Dorota in 502 I think. So yeah the tailor’s six week comment is probably just an estimate and Blair wouldn’t have actually known how far along she was yet anyway, making it harder for her to tell when conception was and who the father would be then.

#gossip girl #blair waldorf #anti chuck bass #anti chair #louis grimaldi #anonymous #strideofprideanswers #gg timeline

[paradife-loft]

Jade War liveblog, ch17 through ch30

- immigrant communities!!!!! nice. I like it. being part of both the home and adopted cultures, and simultaneously neither. I really enjoy the look at what a clan, what its leadership, functions as in a different context from Kekon itself.

- also, the bit about Espenia intending to ban civilian jade use, and how that puts the Kekonese community there in a difficult position? reminds me actually a bit of a book I read talking about US Jewish communities during Prohibition, because of a similar “substance that a particular minority community has a historic cultural relationship with, while the majority population of the country they live in has a completely different and much more volatile relationship with said substance leading them to try banning it, and thus causing problems for minority community to whom its important and who uses it responsibly” situation.

- OH SHIT SO THAT HAPPENED

- HILO WHAT THE FUCK

- YOU ARE GOING TO BE WANTED BY INTERPOL WHAT THE FUCK

- NO LIKE ACTUALLY WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SUCH A DISASTER

- I love him and his terrible snap decisions so much, please someone accompany this man and be his impulse control

- “uncle Hilo what happened to my mom” // “uhhhhh she turned into a seagull and flew away across the sea. terrible parent. you’re mine now.”

- FUCK YEAH five stars collect $200 you have done the thing that so many other media fear and refuse to do!!!!! go Shae!!!! and fuck yeah Wen for shutting down that "oh but I was worried you'd judge me bc you actually have kids..." shit real fast!

-ohhhhh boy ok Maro’s opinion that jade should be treated like any other national resource, OKAY. see like, I get where he’s coming from! I get the whole “these religious beliefs about us being special bc we have jade another people don’t shouldn’t be the basis of our foreign policy” schtick. but uhhhhhhh LOOK, the reason other countries want jade is EXPLICITLY FOR MILITARY PURPOSES. even if it weren’t culturally significant, “our chief export is being a fantasy weapons dealer to other countries” is noooottttt ethically sound? I’d be a lot more okay with having a less regulated jade market outside of Kekon if it wasn’t being primarily bought up by militaries, and then in some cases literally outright prohibited to civilians. (hey Espenia please go fuck yourself kbye)

- and even if it weren’t just militaries, I still don’t think it would be necessarily wrong to not sell jade to non-Kekonese people, tbh. like - cultures are allowed to have closed aspects to them! perhaps especially if the closed aspect of the culture is literally dangerous to people and has a heavy capacity for misuse. because the fact that jade does increase people’s individual capacity for violence, means that functionally there’s going to need to be some structure of regulations on who can use it and how, to keep a society with access to it not awash in unrestrained violence. whether this be a formal structure like civil and criminal laws (and accompanying measures to deal with extralegal markets & use), or an implicit structure like the one that informs so much of Kekonese culture and society. (and being as the former inherently ties up jade possession in the state’s monopoly on power & violence and only compounds it.... yeah I’m not a fan. the latter system clearly has issues, but the former either has bigger ones or else ones that strike me as deeper rooted and worse bc of my own cultural vantage point /shrug)

- ........I think I just managed to talk myself around in a circle to my existing position on gun control? not what I was expecting, but ok.

.

.

.

- CLEAN BLAAAAAAADE !!!!!!!!!

- Fonda Lee really delivering here with the things we needed but never realised we wanted! hot heckin damn! Shae vs Mada, awwww yeah

- CLEAN MOTHER FUCKING BLADE GET HYPE :DDDDDD

#James liveblogs books #Green Bone Saga #these are getting longer and more involved so sorry if you wanted mostly squeeing and got sociopolitical rambling lmao

[spaceshipkat]

I don't want to get too political, but with the rise of antisemitism in America, is SJ/M speaking up? She does brag about her amazing grandma, but has she gone any further than that? I saw that KidLit was active about what is happening at the border & wondered if she was doing her part? It often feels like Jewish people are the only ones looking out for Jewish people, & she has such an amazing platform. Is she doing anything with it?

not that i’ve seen, anon. this is actually something i noticed back around the time of the election in 2016. so many authors were speaking up, even in small ways, but sj/m’s voice was notably silent–and i know a lot of authors noticed. many of them spoke up about other authors with big platforms remaining silent, and as many of them were once vocal friends of sj/m’s, i can only assume they were at least partially subtweeting her. i sure as hell was when i tweeted about it. 

and this turned into a really long rant but i was tootling around on twitter earlier and looking at some posts and articles about things going on and i word-vomited so here’s a cut so random passersby don’t get hit with an unwanted kat ramble

it’s a touchy subject, to discuss an author’s personal life, but this is a time when everyone needs to be vocal, especially authors of ya bc they are going to be and already are some of the biggest influences for teenagers. when i was a teen i was absolutely looking to authors as my role models, not only bc i wanted to be an author myself, but bc i enjoyed what they had to say in their books, agreed with it (some of it good, some of it i’ve since learned was bad, bc that’s part of growing up), and would use their words to shape my own outlook on the world. 

it’s a lot of pressure to put on an author, yes, but that’s something that ya authors sign up for the instant they decide to write ya. that’s why i started writing ya–i feel i have things to say that i want teenagers to hear, things that i don’t see a lot of in fiction. that’s why a lot of my friends write ya. they see something wrong in the world, they have a desire to write, and thus they have a platform upon which to speak. that’s why in my current manuscript, i’m using it to dissect the different kinds of violence in America (both about men and toward women) and to also point out how desensitized Americans are to it. 

but i’m rambling, so lemme get back to the point. i looked around on sj/m’s instagram (since that’s her main source of social media connection with readers) and the only thing i noticed was the fact she put a picture on election day back in 2016 to state that she voted. again, i hesitate to speak about an author’s personal life and of course someone can use their own social media accounts however they want, but when it comes to things as important as what’s going on in the very country she lives in, there’s no way we can overlook silence. 

in my opinion, silence equals compliance. it will always equal compliance. 

and when you compare how she’s spoken up versus susan dennard or alex bracken, for example, the difference is blinding. i’m subscribed to all three women’s newsletters, and i remember how often susan and alex mentioned the need to go vote and loudly proclaimed their disapproval of trump. now, their newsletters still bring up important things that are going on in the US and how their readers (the majority of whom are teens) can influence what goes on, which is so goddamn important. i can’t even properly express how important it is that teenagers are shaking off what rose-tinted bullshit they learn in school and beginning to think for themselves. 

susan and alex both have a platform where they can speak up and make a difference, and they utilize that platform. does sj/m? not that i’ve seen, or at least not in any great capacity. and yes, sj/m does have Jewish ancestry, and she does mention that quite often, but i think (as has been explained by a lot of anons i’ve heard from) she uses it as a scapegoat to get out of answering difficult questions about writing craft or writing choices. 

compare all that to one twitter thread i saw the other day. the OP talked about his father being tortured by the Gestapo and what steps he recommended people follow when they want to rebel in any way/shape/form. i’ve spoken up multiple times about my own grandfather, who lived through WWII in Budapest and was “rescued” by the Soviets. hell, i wrote my entire 45-page senior thesis on his experience. i talk about it a lot bc we’re dealing with Russia yet again, and my grandpa and his brother and sister-in-law were denied admittance into the US. no one knew that the Soviets took over Hungary and, in particular, Budapest bc the Soviets had complete control over all communications in Hungary (it was part of the so-called Iron Curtain). it wasn’t until the Canadians went into Budapest that the world finally took notice of how the Soviets had overtaken Hungary, and even then there were still too many roadblocks that resulted in the 1956 Revolution (that my grandpa had to escape from) and the eventual complete takeover and occupation of Hungary by the Soviets. 

the #1 thing my grandpa learned from this experience? act like you belong, and no one will question it. he learned it from his brother, who, during WWII, dressed as a Soviet officer to help Jewish people escape from Budapest (it’s worth noting that my great-grandfather was a well-known officer in the Hungarian army, and so my grandpa and my great-uncle were wanted by the Soviets in the 50s bc they were the right age to train to be Soviet soldiers). 

the fact we even have to talk about this in 2018 is levels of fuckery i can’t even really comprehend. i live in the US and every day i’m terrified of waking up to a new atrocity, and the worst part of it is that i’m no longer surprised when my concerns are met. i know i’m relatively safe bc i’m white, but i’m bisexual, i’m disabled, and i’m first generation. my mom is a Canadian with a green card (though she’s white, so she’s definitely still safer). trump has reverted the US back to every fucked up ideal i hoped we’d gotten over, and the worst part of all of this is that we fucking let it happen. hell, after the election in 2016, my younger sister told me that the reason she’s still friends with her trump-supporting best friend and her best friend’s then-boyfriend now-husband was bc it was safer for my sister–as a bisexual young woman–to have a trump-supporting friend than a trump-supporting enemy bc we already have enough of those. i just. i can’t. the logic is sound but i just. insert a gif of a brain explosion. 

but to get back on topic yet again, i talk about what my grandpa went through to raise awareness. tor ekeland (the guy on twitter) talks about it to raise awareness. susan dennard and alex bracken talk about it to raise awareness. we all have platforms, no matter how big or small, and we use them to talk about and draw attention to things that are important in this country, that will affect the future of this country and even the world at large, that we will have to fight to overcome in every goddamn sense of the word. 

but does sj/m? not that i’ve seen, and her silence speaks volumes. 

#ask #anonymous #anti sjm #racism #antisemitism #us politics #kat rambles #sorry about this rant

[poorguysheadisdoingwhatnow]

Tiny Dancer part 4

Sorry for the wait, y’all, here’s the next part of @fucking-petticoated-swashbuckler‘s and my fluffy, fluffy fic

Read Part 1 here!

Read Part 2 here!

Read Part 3 here!

There was a perfect, undisturbed layer of fresh snow on the balcony outside when Spot walked through his living room to the kitchen. The sunrise and the lights strung up outside the buildings illuminated each small patch of snow that had yet to be ruined by cars or pedestrians, causing it to glimmer and sparkle elegantly.

Spot made himself an espresso and stared out the window. The roads below were empty and quiet, save for the odd bus or truck; everyone was sleeping in on Christmas, it seemed. Spot checked his watch - it was only 7:57. He had more than a few hours before he had to leave for the gathering at Specs and Jack's place.

Rubbing his tired eyes, he walked over to the couch and collapsed, sinking comfortably into the cushions. His mind wandered back to a few weeks ago, when they’d all drawn names for the gift exchange.

He still wasn't entirely sure it wasn't a conspiracy on his friends’ part that he drew Race's name. Especially since moments before, Race had drawn Spot’s.

Spot remembered all their friends laughing about it; Sarah had even nudged his arm with her elbow and whispered something about it being “meant to be”.

What was he even supposed to give to Race? Did he like anything aside from ballet?

Oh, yes. Of course he did. He also liked tap. And hip hop. And jazz.

Spot had realized while shopping for the gift that he didn’t really know much about Race at all. His first thought was a poster of Baryshnikov, before he remembered he’d seen two already in Race’s apartment a week prior. So Baryshnikov was out.

Of course, he wanted to impress Race. Give him a personal gift. They’d been working together every day for almost two months now. They were friends. Friends gave each other personal, thoughtful gifts. Gifts that said “you mean a lot to me”, gifts that said-

Why was he so worried about this? Sure, he had spent the past couple weeks after the name drawing stressing over the perfect gift to get Race, until he had finally found something suitable. He may have asked Race a few pointed questions, trying to get more hints about what he liked. But that was just what people did when they cared about their friends.

Right?

At least the whole gift thing had become a distraction. His heart still skipped a beat when he saw Race casually showing off his 180 degree développés to his classes, but he felt more comfortable around him now. Less awkward. It gave him less time to wonder whether Race was intentionally trying to prove he was a dance god, or if he was just so amazingly talented that it was just out of habit that every movement was perfect, from the smallest tendu to the most technically challenging jump sequence.

Why was it that dance seemed to bring out qualities you wouldn’t expect that person to be able to exhibit? Ballet turned Race from an obnoxious, full-of-energy, childish person into someone with discipline. Precision. From someone you couldn’t possibly keep up with in any capacity to someone patient and almost mature. When Race danced, he was the epitome of grace, every step exact get still relaxed. In short...beautiful.

Woah, where did that come from? Spot shook his head vehemently, stood up from the couch and poured himself a glass of cold water in the kitchen.

Christmas. It was Christmas. He needed to stop thinking about work. About Race. Jesus, why was his whole life centered around Race now? It was probably because they were spending so much time together after months of not seeing each other at all. Yeah, that made sense. But he saw other people a lot, too. He had just seen Smalls and JoJo the other night! And he wasn’t thinking so much about them. There was just something about Race-

A loud knock at the door interrupted Spot’s thoughts. Thank god.

He left his glass in the kitchen sink and crossed the living room. When he opened the door, he found Sarah standing there, dressed in a Hanukkah sweater and grinning from ear to ear.

“Sarah?” Spot said, feeling confused even as he stepped aside to let Sarah come in. “It’s only eight-thirty. We don’t hafta to be at Jack and Specs’ till twelve.”

“C’mon, Spot, where’s your holiday spirit?” Sarah asked. “I thought we could go get breakfast before we go. Me and you. We haven’t hung out together in weeks!”

“I saw you yesterday.”

“Yeah, but I was with Les and Davey. It’s not the same.”

Spot shook his head and smiled. “You were saying something about breakfast?”

“I knew food would be what it took to get my best friend to hang out with me for once in his life.”

This time Spot laughed. “Alright, just give me twenty minutes so I can shower.”

“Twenty… Spot, you look and smell fine and I’m hungry,” Sarah whined, feigning impatience but still obviously fighting off a laugh of her own.

Spot rolled his eyes. “Make toast. Or there’s leftover pasta in the fridge. I don’t care. Help yourself.”

Sarah groaned dramatically. “Fine. Just be quick so I don’t waste away. Come on, Spot, it’s Christmas. Catholic act of charity, or some shit?”

“One: you’re Jewish. Two: what’s the act of charity? Showerin’ quickly so you can eat?”

“Um...yes. ‘Ubi caritas et amor deus ibi est,’ bitch. Or whatever you catholics say. You’ve made me listen to at least ten settings, probably.”

“Come on. Ola Gjeilo’s Ubi Caritas is perfection and you know it.” He glanced at his watch. 8:36. “You know what, yeah. I’ll shower as fast as you- no, not as fast as you want me to. I’ll be out and dressed in twelve and a half minutes. Time me.”

“Alright.” Sarah flopped onto Spot’s couch and took out her phone. “Ready...set...go.”

When he walked out of his room, Sarah nodded approvingly. “Twelve minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Nice job.”

“Told you I could do it,” Spot replied with a smirk. “Now let’s go get some breakfast.”

The place Sarah had chosen was a nice little diner that was thankfully open on holidays.

“So.” Sarah leaned forward excitedly, her elbows on the table and her hands supporting her head. “What’d you get Race?”

Spot sarcastically mirrored Sarah’s pose. “You’ll find out in…” 9:02. “... about four hours. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Alright, I can be patient. So…” Sarah took a slow sip of her coffee before speaking again. “Speaking of you and Race…”

Spot felt his breath catch. “Yeah, what about me and Race?”

Sarah raised her eyebrows and exhaled accusingly with a teasing smile. “So you two… haven’t gotten… close? Recently?”

“I mean, we work together, so yeah, we’ve gotten closer, ‘cause we work together…” Spot knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. What was wrong with him? He was never like this.

“Spot.” She was shaking her head. Eyes closed, a small smile slowly spreading across her face. “Just stop. Do you like him?”

He could feel the heat rising into his face. Quickly. Shit. “In what way do you mean?” A small laugh escaped Sarah’s lips. “We’re friends. So I like him as a friend. Any other ways you had in mind?”

“Spot, you’ve been my best friend for like fifteen? Sixteen years? I know you. You get flustered every time you look at him.” Spot winced, but she kept going. “And when you talk to him, shit, Spot. You’re a fucking mess. So I’m calling bull on this ‘no homo’ bullshit you have going on. Is this internalized homophobia or what? Do you just-”

“Please, Sarah. Not now.” He opened his mouth to continue as their food arrived, then closed it again and sighed loudly.

Sarah waited an agonizingly long thirty seconds before continuing. “All I’m saying is that it’s been two months. At least figure out what you feel for him, because it’s at least something.” She paused again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put all this on you on Christmas. I just love you and-”

“I love you too, Sarah.”

Sarah sighed. “Just… promise me you’ll talk to me about this shit. I get worried.”

“I promise, Sarah. You don’t have to worry about me.” Spot stretched his hand across the table and put it over Sarah’s, smiling softly at her. “Alright, let’s not talk ‘bout this anymore for right now. How ‘bout we eat?”

Sarah grinned and picked up her fork, then pulled her plate of pancakes closer. “Yes! I’m starving.”

After breakfast, Sarah and Spot walked around for a bit, taking in the icicles on the trees and the snow that had once again begun falling from the sky in light, delicate flakes. Then it was time to head to Jack and Specs’.

They were two of the first people to arrive. Jack and Specs were there, of course, as were Davey, Les, and Crutchie, all lounging around the living room.

Sarah laughed as she walked in. “Of course the Jews are the ones who show up early for Christmas.”

This got a laugh from everyone else, too, and Sarah left Spot’s side to go sit between her brothers on the couch, placing her present under the tree on the way. Specs glanced at Spot’s own present, still in his hand, neatly wrapped in green paper and topped with a bow.

“You wrap that yourself, Spot?” He asked with a cheeky grin. “Sure is a nice job.” Spot rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Specs, now come off it,” he retorted, shoving Specs aside with his shoulder a little too hard to be playful and setting the present next to Sarah’s. Then he sat on the end of the couch, content to sit there quietly and listen while Les regaled his brother and sister with tales of his first semester of senior year.

“And in Physics the other day, Mrs. Mullen totally-”

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting Les. Sarah jumped up enthusiastically and opened the door, revealing Smalls, Finch, Mush, and Blink. They all came in with smiles and greetings and presents, and after a while the living room had filled up as more people arrived. And somehow, Race had ended up on the couch, sitting snugly against Spot to make room for other people. And once in a while, Race’s hand would accidentally brush Spot’s, and Spot had to pretend that his heart didn’t flutter a little every time it happened.

Soon, everyone was there, talking and joking, and Specs clapped his hands a couple of times to get their attention.

“Alright, guys,” he said once the room was quiet, “who’s ready to exchange some gifts?”

“The people want food, Specs!” Sarah called. Everyone laughed. Specs blushed a little in embarrassment, but he grinned.

“Of course! How could I ever forget?” He dramatically gestured to the kitchen. “There’s a spread of refreshments in there, prepared by Crutchie and yours truly. Paper plates are on the side. Help yourselves!”

“Didn’t you just eat breakfast, Sarah?” Spot asked under his breath, grinning. Before she could respond, Race tapped Spot’s shoulder.

“Get you a drink?”

Spot spun around quickly to face him, almost accidentally falling into his lap in the process, and Race laughed. “Careful.”

“Uh...sorry, yeah, I’d love a drink.”

Race nodded, still grinning, and got up, heading for the kitchen. Sarah nudged Spot with her elbow.

“Smooth,” she whispered. Spot felt his face turn red and took deep breaths to calm his heart rate as Race returned, two bottles in his hands.

“The finest House IPA,” Race joked. “I know it’s your favorite.”

“You know, Spot, I’ve never figured out how you became a complete lesbian stereotype.” Sarah evidently couldn’t stop her hysteric laughter. “Your taste in beer. The flannels. The beanies. The-”

“Yes, Sarah. We get it.” Spot could still feel an unstoppable grin spreading across his face. He glanced over to see Race holding back a laugh of his own.

Having Sarah close by made it easier, somehow. When she was there to break the tension, Spot felt like it was just a little easier to breathe, even when Race’s hand brushed his again as he handed him the beer bottle.

For a while, everyone ate and talked some more, until Specs stood up again.

“Now it really is time to exchange gifts,” he announced with a laugh. Everyone cheered.

The presents were handed out to their respective recipients, and soon the room was full of boisterous laughter and wrapping paper and ribbons.

Spot turned his head before opening his present to find that Race had done the same. “You go first,” Spot initiated after a pause.

Race smiled. “You sure?” Spot nodded.

He could feel his chest getting tight, his heart racing as Race tore into the wrapping paper.

“Hey look! A box! Thank you, Conlon, I’ve been wanting one for a while!”

Spot rolled his eyes, laughing slightly. “Look inside the box, Higgins.”

Race carefully removed the top of the box and peered inside. “Pointe shoes?”

“Not for you to wear, obviously. They’re signed by Megan Fairchild. I know how much you love her.”

Race bit his lip as he looked back at Spot, a huge grin spreading across his face. “Well, that’s good. I think they’d be a bit small for me, anyway.” They both laughed. “Thank you, Spot. I love them.”

And when he leaned forward to give Spot a hug, Spot’s heart threatened to beat right out of his chest.

“Alright, Conlon.” Race’s voice cut through Spot’s thoughts, and he looked up with a start. “Your turn.”

The package in Race’s hand was flat and square. Wrapped surprisingly neatly for something he assumed Race had wrapped himself. Spot took it from him and carefully slid his thumb through the tape, keeping the paper intact. The wrapping paper fell to the floor to reveal a sleek black frame, inside of which was a vinyl record.

He leaned closer to the glass, reading the small words on the label Race had made. “Elton John. Tiny Dancer.”

“Remember that choreo you did? Senior year?”

Spot felt his smile reappear as he remembered. “Of course.”

Race put his arm around Spot’s shoulders, causing his head to spin. Maybe it was the alcohol?

“Do you like it?”

Spot rested his head on Race’s muscular shoulder for a moment, then looked up at him. “It’s amazing. Thank you.”

And when Race moved to hug him again, for once he felt perfectly in control. Maybe he did have a crush on Race. But right now, he was perfectly content in his platonic embrace.

#tiny dancer #sprace #racetrack higgins #spot conlon #slow burn #it's getting lit

[reddie-to-go]

It Was Always You

So this was written by a friend of mine @princesschelliebelle and she asked if I could post it on my blog because hers isn’t IT or Reddie based, and I said of course because I absolutely love it and I think you all will to! Enjoy!

Eddie could only admit it to himself. He was a coward. Sure, he has the capacity to be more than brave when the time called for it. Hell, if that horrendous experience they all had 4 years ago in the sewers wasn't proof enough, he didn't know what was.

They had all stepped up to the plate, and although Eddie was small and more "fragile" than the rest, he had put in more than enough of his fair share of swings and attacks when they damned that thing back to hell where it belonged. Then why was he so afraid to admit such a huge part of him out loud?

He had just turned 17, and all of the losers were as tightly woven as they ever were, all seniors now at Derry High.

They all seemed to know and be comfortable with who they were.

Beverly and Ben have been dating since sophomore year, going strong and sappy, and certainly a shoe-in to be voted "cutest couple" in the yearbook superlatives this year.

Stan is seeing a nice Jewish girl who attends his father’s synagogue for a couple months now, and though he doesn't speak much about her, he seems fairly happy with her so far.

Mike is too busy for a romantic relationship, between school, helping his family on the farm, and a part-time job, no one blames him for not having the energy to hop into the dating scene.

Bill is happily single, and goes on dates with girls fairly often, but doesn't make anything more serious out of them, and seems quite content to keep things that way.

Richie on the other hand, was different.

Towards the tail-end of freshman year, Richie came out to the losers as bisexual. He had stated it as casually and simply as if he were discussing the weather or a school assignment.

All 6 were supportive of course, but had a few questions for him, of which Richie was incredibly comfortable answering.

"When did you know, Rich?" Bev piped up first. Richie didn't skip a beat before replying

"Part of me has always known. But when puberty rolled around, well, mother nature has a big way of letting you know what you're into...and when I say big, I do mean BIG-".

Richie and his suggestive hand gestures were cut short when Stan thumped a pillow in his face, with an accompanying

"Beep Beep, Dumbass."

Everyone cycled through some more questions, like "are you going to come out to anyone else?" and "have you ever kissed a boy before?".

The only one who sat stark silent was Eddie.

His jaw was clamped shut so hard, his teeth began to ache. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his burning face on his kneecaps. Was it hot in here? Does anyone else feel perilously close to passing out?

No, just Eddie?

Richie went on to explain that he was going to live his life authentically, and if he got shit about it from people at school? Fuck it, he already got tons of bullshit from his parents and Bowers and his gang, he is more than used to it.

Eddie felt himself flush all the way up to his ears when Richie spoke again.

He said he never kissed a boy OR girl, and how he wants to kiss someone he can see himself being with, falling in love with.

Eddie released a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling embarrassingly relieved.

He was also a little surprised at Richie’s oddly romantic statement, which made Eddie's stomach twist in pleasure, despite himself.

Eddie Kaspbrak is gay.

He has known it for as long as he can remember, and he has been denying, suppressing, and suffocating those feelings for almost just as long.

That fateful summer when they were 13, was when he decided to stop lying to himself, albeit keeping it to himself, and himself alone. That was also the summer he realized he had feelings for his best friend in the whole world.

The same one who just happened to admit he was bisexual, with confidence and ease. Something brave that Eddie couldn't bring himself to do.

He hated himself for it.

That horrific day at the Neibolt house, ironically enough, is the day his feelings for Richie were realized.

That evil, fucking clown, leering over him, pinning him down, mocking him, as Eddie cried out in pain and fear, desperately trying to slap the monster with his unbroken arm

Bill and Richie came rushing in, and so did the others in the nick of time. But then, as the clown loomed towards them, claws ripping from his gloves and drool dripping from his rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth, Richie ran to his side.

As Pennywise ominously closed the distance between them, Richie crouched down and forced Eddie's face in his direction.

"Eddie! EDDIE, look at me! LOOK AT ME!" he shouted, keeping Eddie's gaze on him. For all they all knew, they were going to die that day, and Richie's biggest concern was keeping Eddie calm, helping him to be less afraid.

And in those frenzied, panicked moments, Eddie realized that if he was about to go, he was so grateful the last thing he got to see was Richie.

If he died looking at his crazy dark curls, those high cheekbones sprinkled with freckles, those chestnut eyes magnified behind those dorky, thick glasses, and a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest, he figured he had it better than most.

Ever since then, Eddie had it bad.

And god help him, did he have to fall for the most handsy, in your face, crazy person. Every hug, tickle, cheek kiss, tackle, suggestive joke, touch, and flirt was, well...just Richie.

Its how he had been for as long as they all had known each other, which at this point, was a decade at least. He was the quintessential class clown, the "trash mouth", the touchy-grabby, insane goofball who lived to make people laugh, at any cost.

He was this way with all of the losers, it wasn't anything new. Richie couldn't know how it gave Eddie butterflies, how it made his heart stutter, his head go fuzzy...and at times, make his body react in ways he would have to stealthily hide with a pillow, or a jacket, or a book, until Eddie willed it the hell away.

But then again, Richie was more touchy with Eddie than any of the other losers...but that's just because they were closer, right?

Eddie and Richie were walking home from school, the usual ridiculous banter bouncing between them. It was late November, and the air was crisp and a bit biting when the wind blew.

Eddie shuttered at a gust of wind, and turned to his right to see Richie with a large, teasing grin.

"Ahre you chilly, dahling? My, my, where ARE my manners? I can't have my handsome gentleman callah freezing his tits off!" Richie crooned in a god awful southern belle accent.

"Shut up, dick face, Im f-f-fine" Eddie said with a shiver. Richie laughed out loud and shrugged his leather jacket off his shoulders and placed it on Eddie in one swift motion.

"You're gonna freeze stupid, take it back! I appreciate it, but its too cold for you to have no jacket" Eddie said while Richie stomped on some fallen, crunchy leaves.

"Na, Eds, how could I possibly be cold when you keep me so hot and bothered all the time?" Richie replied, swinging an arm around Eddie's shoulder and squeezing him to his side.

Eddie looked down at the pavement to hide his blush and a small grin.

They decided to go to Richie's house. They often alternated, but more often than not, they ended up here. Sonia Kaspbrak was never fond of Richie, and would always make a fuss when he was around too often, so this was typically just easier.

It was a Friday, and it meant they didn't have to bother with homework or worry about how late they stayed up, and they could just have a sleepover, like usual.

As they walked into Richie's room, Eddie found himself softly sighing. He always felt this overwhelming feeling as if he had come home.

Sure, the dirty socks on the floor and the empty soda cans and candy wrappers made his skin crawl, but his room was so comforting in its familiarity. The music posters, the comic books, the bed strewn with his clothes.

Eddie sat down on the edge of his double sized bed. The room smelled like him. It smelt like his warm, spicy cologne, the sweet jolly ranchers that he seemed to have everywhere.

It smelt like fresh air, cigarettes, and something masculine, something that was just him. He felt like he could get high on the scent. And for a moment, Eddie felt like he was losing his damn mind.

Richie waltzed in holding a bag of chips and two bottles of water and jumped on the bed so hard that the springs groaned.

"Jesus, asshole, you aren't a feather, you know!" Eddie laughed and scolded him at the same time. Richie just responded by shoving a handful of chips in his mouth and chewing obnoxiously near Eddie's ear.

Richie certainly had changed in those 4 years since that summer. For one thing, he was tall. Very tall. He sprouted up to 6'2 and was lean, with wirey muscle covering his long, gangly limbs.

His face had matured and lost all that soft innocence of youth, and he had a defined, sharp jawline with cheekbones to match.

Eddie could only wish his changes through the years were as profound.

Eddie was only 5'8 and of average build and weight, very disappointingly ordinary if you asked him. Although he had lost some of the round innocence in his face from childhood, he still had a softness about him, and big round, doe-like eyes.

Eddie often solemnly thought that Richie wouldn't ever consider him in that way, for his plain appearance alone.                

Eddie absentmindedly flipped through a random comic he grabbed from Richie’s desk, while Richie appeared to be watching some dopey teenage drama on his small, grainy TV.

The 2 main characters, after enduring sexual tension you could cut with a knife, finally kissed in dramatic fashion.

Richie tossed a potato chip at the screen and scoffed as it bounced to the floor.

"You'd think with me playing for both teams Id have someone by now. After all, I am irresistible" Richie said as he stretched out his legs across Eddies.

Eddie snorted back a laugh and said "Rich, as 'irresistible' as you might be, you actually have to put in an effort. I don't think I've ever seen you on a date, or kiss anyone...". As Eddie trailed off, Richie bit his lip, looking thoughtful.

Eddie could almost feel the shift in the room. For once, Richie was actually being serious. A few moments of silence passed before Richie asked

"have you ever been on a date or kissed anyone, Eds?"

Eddie shifted uncomfortably before telling what was actually the truth.

"Yes, I have actually. I have been on 4 dates, and I kissed each of those girls. It didn't work out, but hey, that's my luck."

And the funny thing was, that wasn't a lie.

Eddie did go on those dates and kiss those girls, but it was his last pathetic efforts to try to be straight. To stop thinking about Richie like that. But at the end of every awkward kiss, he felt weird and detached. It felt like a poorly rehearsed chore.

After the last girl in junior year, he decided to stop this pointless endeavour.

Richie cast his eyes down and shook his head before he spoke

"I’ve actually never kissed anyone at all...I’m 17 and I have never done it..." Richie had said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. Eddie had so much nervous energy coursing through him he felt like he might jump out of his skin. Suddenly, Eddie felt a surge of courage, something in his gut that said 'now or never'.

"I’m gay, Rich" Eddie murmured, fidgeting with a loose thread on Richie’s shirt.

He felt as though his whole body had pins and needles, and he felt his chest tighten with anxiety.

Eddie tried to laugh off the serious admission by following it with,

"And hey, don't feel like you're missing out too much. Kissing isn't all its made out to be. I never felt any fireworks, and those poor girls probably thought they were kissing a dead fish". He half-heartedly chuckled.

He couldn't meet Richie’s gaze. The unusual silence made Eddie want to scream. You could hear a pin drop.

The one-time "trashmouth" Tozier had nothing to say, and it was killing Eddie with every moment that passed.

 Suddenly, Eddie felt sick. A wave of nausea, sadness, pent-up emotion that felt like a sucker punch to the gut. He also felt like a fool. He told his best friend, the only person he has ever told, that he was gay, and all he could do was sit there and stare.

When a man of many words suddenly is at a loss for them, Eddie could only assume the worst. Tears pricked at his eyes and stung. One lonely tear trickled down his hot cheek. Richie finally spoke.

"I never kissed anybody because I never found anyone available who I felt a special connection with. Someone to be vulnerable with. Someone who understands me." He paused, and then continued

"And I think that you're wrong." Eddie sniffled pathetically and looked up at Richie at last.

Richie’s cheeks were blazing red, and he looked so beautiful.

"What was I wrong about, Rich?" Eddie asked as Richie shifted closer on the bed.

"Well, I may not have kissed anyone, but I think it is worth the hype, Eds." Richie said quietly, as his eyes dropped to Eddies soft, parted lips. Eddie felt his heart start to race, as he dared himself to say

"Well, how can you prove that?"

Richie’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, and he let out a shuttering breath. Eddie felt paralyzed to his spot on the bed.

Before Eddie could have another thought, Richie leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eddies. Eddie didn't have the vocabulary to explain how good it felt.

It was a brief kiss, close-mouthed, and soft, 4 or 5 seconds at most. But in all of his life, he hadn't felt anything like he had in those brief moments.

A spark isn't enough to explain it. It was a like an electrical circuit was finally connected, completed, and a powerful and euphoric energy passed back and forth between them. It took his breath away.

Richie pulled away and laid his head back on the pillow. Richie’s heart was beating so fast that he was shaking ever so slightly. Richie said, in a shaky voice

"Well....at least for me, I think I proved my poi-"

But he was cut off by Eddie's lips on his once more. But this time, Eddie wasn't holding back. He had wanted this for so long, that he had not one more ounce of restraint.

He kissed him firmly, over and over, leaning his chest against his, barely allowing either of them to breathe.

He had a taste, and now he was addicted.

He moved his mouth down Richie’s jaw and kissed underneath it and all down his neck. Richie moaned softly, and Eddie felt himself grow hard at the sound.

Suddenly, Richie flipped Eddie over and crawled between his legs, one knee on either side of his leg. He leaned down and ran his tongue along the edge of Eddies lower lip. Eddie had to suppress a shiver as he opened his mouth to give him access.

Eddie could hardly believe that Richie had never done this before. His kisses were soft but passionate, wet but not sloppy, and it drove Eddie absolutely fucking wild.

Apparently, Eddie wasn't the only one being driven crazy though. Richie came closer and pushed his body against his, and Eddie could immediately feel how hard Richie was against his thigh.

It made Eddie moan out loud. Heat coiled tight in his stomach, and he felt almost drunk. He reached up a wove his fingers in his thick curls, and gently tugged.

Richie sat up and pulled Eddie with him so he was seated on his lap, and then roughly ran his fingertips up and down his back.

Somewhere, in a teeny tiny part of his mind, Eddie thought 'This is amazing, but its new. Slow down'.

To say this was like a drug would be an understatement, but he knew they had to stop, for the moment anyway.

After what felt like an eternity of arguing with his better sense, Eddie pulled away. Richie adorably whimpered at the loss of contact. It took all of Eddie's strength to put this moment on pause, but he had something to say, before they got carried away.  

They sat there catching their breath, before they were consumed with a fit of giggles. They couldn't explain why or contain it, but they kept laughing until their sides hurt.

Once he regained composure, Eddie began to speak.

"After the worlds best make-out session and the biggest confession I’ve ever made, I’m having trouble processing my thoughts. So please forgive me if this is a crazy ramble, ok?" Richie leaned against the headboard and nodded.

"Dude, you are loud, crude, a total and complete slob, and you have no concept of personal space. You tell the most stupid jokes and at least half of your accents are crap, and you drive the other losers insane like you have a quota to meet."

Richie furrowed his brow, looking almost embarrassed. Eddie continued before Richie could speak,

"But...one thing remains consistent. When I’m with you, I feel like I can overcome anything, like I can conquer the world. You don't make my weaknesses feel like a flaw, just another piece of me. No one I've ever known cares more, protects more, or makes me laugh the way that you do. At the end of the day, you have so much love to give. How could I not fall for you?"

Eddie gulped and stared at the pattern on the bedspread.

"You don't have to feel the same way, Rich...I get it, I really do. I mean, you've waited this long to find that special person...and I’m just me. We can pretend this never happened, if you want. I just want you to be happy...."

Eddie was frantic, tears blurring his vision. Richie sat up, leaning forward quickly, grabbing Eddie's hands in his enormous ones, and spoke.

"Hey dipshit, its always been you."

Eddie whipped his head back up, and looked at him incredulously.

"But...but..." Eddie began, but Richie piped up again,

"I never thought you were an option available to me. And god fucking knows its difficult to be with someone else when everything you want is around you almost every single day. It has always been you, it will always be you, Spaghetti." Richie smirked broadly at him, and Eddie lunged forward and squeezed him so hard to him that Richie let out a little squeak. Eddie leaned in to whisper in his ear

"Don't call me that. Way to taint the best moment of my life, fuckface"

Eddie began to laugh at the familiar joking between them. From now on, so many things wouldn't be the same. It was a kind of scary feeling. Richie cupped Eddie's face and gently kissed his forehead, sighing happily.

Eddies heart swelled inside his ribcage, and Eddie found himself thinking that he actually hoped nothing would ever be the same again.

#richie tozier #reddie #reddie fanfic #Eddie kaspbrak