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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 1 month

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Closed Position: Week 1 (Introductions)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 7.1K

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Week 1 Quote: "Fuck. I might be in trouble."

Dieter’s POV

“Lenny, have you seen this fucking schedule? It’s seven days a week for twelve weeks. When do I get a break?”

Lenny, my agent, sighed through the speaker phone, “D, I told you this was going to be a lot of work before you agreed to do it. You shouldn’t be surprised…and besides, that’s only if you make it to the finals.”

I scoffed, “Thanks for the vote of confidence…asshole.” Lenny chuckled on the other end of the line. We both went quiet for a moment as I continued to flip through the packet of paper that Lenny had sent over for review, “I don’t even get to have any say on the wardrobe or music. Such bullshit…sucking all the fun out of it. Did you at least drop a bug in their ear about who I’ll be partnered with? If I get stuck with someone I don’t want, I’m gonna be fucking miserable.”

“I did, but the producers said they always do the partner matching themselves. They have a formula…or something. Maybe bring it up again at this morning's meeting and explain why. They may listen to you on it.”

I huffed as my eyes continued skimming over the weekly schedule, “I have to get a fucking spray tan every week? You have GOT to be kidding me…Lenny, you know I don’t like using carcinogenic chemicals on my body.”

“Uhhh, no comment on that…Look, I’ll put in a call and see if they can use something natural for that.”

I relaxed some, “I would appreciate that. Thank you. Tell them I have an allergy or something…just make it happen.”

I tossed the packet onto the table and picked up my phone, taking it off speaker and putting it to my ear - now pacing as I spoke, “Well, it looks like I’m gonna be pretty busy for a bit. That’ll be a nice distraction. It beats being locked inside the house at least.”

Lenny hesitated, but still asked, “How are you doing with everything? Still managing ok?”

I sighed, “Yeah, I mean I’m going to therapy and all the meetings still. I’ve been doing ok…just trying to keep the stress levels down. That’s what gets to me the most.”

“How long has it been?”

I looked at the date on my watch, “Eight months today…actually. It’s the longest I’ve ever been clean, and I plan to stick to it this time. I’m feeling good and I want to keep it that way.”

“Everyone is really proud of you, D. You know that, right? Keep at it and we'll have you back on top in no time.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing that it was an uphill battle, “I appreciate that, but good luck getting people to change their opinion of me. I’m not sure if my reputation is salvageable at this point. Everyone seems to think my sobriety is some sort of joke. No one is taking it seriously.”

I could hear Lenny inhale deeply on the other end of the phone, “It’s just going to take time, D. Don’t give up yet.”

I pursed my lips in thought, “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I need to get ready for this meeting. We’ll talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely let me know how it goes.”

Once I hung up the phone with Lenny, I took a quick shower, then spent longer than I should have staring at the clothes hanging in my closet - trying to pick something that says I have my shit together. My therapist kept reminding me that if I dressed like a slob, people were going to treat me like one. So, I was putting more effort into making myself presentable before I left the house these days. Since it was a work meeting, I went for a business casual look, figuring I couldn’t go wrong with that. After styling my hair and getting dressed, I grabbed my keys, phone, wallet, and sunglasses and headed out the front door.

As I approached my car, which was parked in the driveway, I noticed there was a dead bird on the hood. The fluffy gray, brown, and white stray cat that had been hanging around my house was sitting next to it, looking rather proud of himself. I sighed, “Come on dude, really?” And this is why I need to get the garage cleaned out. I hit the clicker to open the garage door so I could get a broom to knock the bird off the hood. As I waded through the mountain of empty boxes from my move six months ago, I cursed myself for taking my sweet time getting that stuff out of the house. Finally finding the broom, I quickly moved to get the dead bird off of the car and shooed the cat away. He didn’t look happy about it as he moved to sit on the pathway in front of the house, watching me until I was finally on my way to Television City Studios to meet with the producers of Dancing with the Stars.

When I arrived at the studio, I was met by the two executive producers, Stacia and Joe and led into a conference room. I let them do their spiel about what’s expected and the schedule. Nodding along in all the right places, being as polite as possible even though I hated how little say I had over anything. Once they moved on to the topic of how they choose partners, I spoke up for the first time, “I would really like to have input on my partner.” They both moved to speak before I held up my hand to signal that I wasn’t finished talking.

“Look, I know you all have your formula or whatever, but I have a legitimate reason for asking. As I’m sure you’re aware, I’ve been trying to clean up my image. I’ve been sober for eight months and I would really like to be placed with someone that doesn’t have a reputation for partying…someone who isn’t gonna be a negative influence on me. It’s actually really important to me because I’m actively avoiding being around anyone who is into that kind of lifestyle.” Which is why I spend most of my time alone.

Stacia and Joe looked at each other, obviously surprised at my reasoning for the request. They were actually stunned into silence. Since neither of them said anything, I continued, “I had my team check into the dancers, and based on their recommendation…I’m requesting that Katarina Stamos be my partner. She has a good reputation and I’m also told she’s very professional and isn’t judgmental…because that’s been an issue here lately that I’d really like to not have to deal with.”

Stacia’s brow furrowed, “Are you looking to actually win? Because Kat hasn’t won a single season that she’s been with us.”

I narrowed my eyes on her. What an asshole thing to say about someone. “Well, maybe that’s because you keep giving her shitty partners.”

I gave Stacia a sarcastic smile. She had the audacity to look offended by that statement. I had watched the show and seen the people Katarina was partnered with. It was always the older guys that could hardly move. Stacia’s attitude made me more determined to have Katarina as a partner just to prove a fucking point on her behalf.

Joe interrupted the silent standoff that Stacia and I now seemed to be having, “Alright, let’s think about this…” He turned to Stacia, “Physically, they work together. Their height and proportions are a good match…and Kat is very patient. She would work well with him. Also, if he wishes to be with someone who isn’t into partying, Anika is not the person he needs to be with.”

Stacia looked frustrated and unwilling to give in as she glared at her counterpart. Joe smirked, “If you're worried about the change in narrative, it’s possible there may be other options we haven’t considered.”

What the fuck does that mean? I leaned forward on my elbows, “What narrative?”

They both turned to look at me, Stacia now had a sly smile on her face. It was Joe who answered, “We always consider the possible narratives that could come up between partners. How they’ll interact and get along personality wise. It’s an important factor for the show.”

I felt a crease form between my brows, “So basically, you try to manufacture drama for TV.”

Joe shook his head, “Not exactly, I mean ultimately, yes. We just take personalities and such into account when we pair the dancers with their celebrities. I mean, we do want everyone to get along with their partner, obviously.”

So, you’re fucking meddlers. Got it. I arched my brows, giving them a tight smile as I nodded, going along with what they were telling me. I now realized I would have to keep an eye on these two. I didn’t feel like they had my best interest in mind. Especially if they were initially planning to put me with the known party girl.

I cleared my throat before speaking again, “So what does that mean…do I get to work with Katarina or not?”

Stacia looked at me, now smiling, “I think that may actually be a good match now that I think about it. So yeah, we’ll let you work with Kat. Hopefully you’ll both make it through to finals.”

What is this woman’s deal? Geez Louise. I eyed them both suspiciously for a moment, “Ok, good. Now I’m finally a little excited about this.”

They went over a few more details about the schedule before taking me out to meet with a production assistant, who was tasked with giving me a tour of the building and showing me where my dressing room would be. This part of my day couldn’t end soon enough…

Katarina’s POV

As I was pulling into the Television City Studios parking lot for the first day of my last season on Dancing with the Stars, my phone pinged with a text from Alec, my fiancée.

Alec: I finished up my meeting with production. Are you here? Have you had yours yet?

I leaned my head back against the seat. What the hell has he been doing? I know his meeting was over an hour ago.

Me: Just parked, I have mine in 10 minutes. I’m on my way in…Meet you in the lobby.

A few minutes later, I found Alec in the lobby. He seemed more excited than he normally was on the first day as he greeted me with a quick kiss on the cheek.

I leaned away from him, “What’s got you so smiley this morning?” I could tell he was trying to temper it down and have a more neutral expression on his face as he shrugged, “I didn’t realize I was. Guess I’m just excited to see you.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. What are you hiding now you asshole. He didn’t know how well I could read him at this point.

I arched a brow instead of returning his smile, “So, I assume you found out who your partner is gonna be?”

He continued his attempts at a neutral expression, “Yeah, Lana Thompson…she’s an actress, I think. There was apparently a last minute change to the lineup this morning. You know her?”

I gave him a tight smile, “Yeah…I know her. She has a bit of a reputation…”

He feigned ignorance, “Oh? I don’t know anything about her. I’m sure she’ll turn out to be one of those stuck up, bitchy types like the rest of ‘em. Ya know, you’re lucky it’s your last season so you don’t have to deal with these people anymore.”

And there it is. He doth protest too much. He was excited to be paired with her, I could tell. He saw it as an opportunity. As far as I knew, he hadn’t strayed to another woman in some time, but that didn’t mean he had changed. He still hadn’t earned my trust back and his current excitement only made me more suspicious of his commitment.

Alec could sense the tension taking hold of my body as he rubbed at my lower back, “Everything ok, baby?”

I gave him a half-hearted smile, “Yeah, just peachy. I’ve gotta go or I’m gonna be late. I’ll catch up with you after.”

As I was walking down the hallway toward the conference room, I saw Lana Thompson exiting the bathroom. I suspected Alec had already met his partner and liked her more than he let on. Which probably explains why it took him as long as it did to text me.

When I entered the conference room, Stacia and Joe sat huddled together. They seemed to be engrossed in whatever they were whispering about, but abruptly stopped talking once they realized I was lingering in the entryway. They both smiled, almost over enthusiastically as they welcomed me and motioned for me to have a seat. They studied me for a moment before Stacia finally spoke, “How are things going with you?”

That’s an odd question and an odd tone. I wasn’t sure what kind of answer she was looking for, “It’s going good, why?”

She gave me a small smile, “I know it’s your last season because you have things going on…but do you think you’re feeling up to the possibility of making it to finals?”

I gave her a confused look, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Joe leaned forward, “What Stacia is trying to say is…the person we have you partnered with this time is going to be a little more physically able than your usual partners. So, you may be in it for the full twelve weeks…if you can pull it off. Are you physically able to handle it?”

Should I be offended by that? It’s not like I can’t function. It was just painful some days, especially when there were a lot of rehearsals. My joints couldn’t handle the Latin dances like they used to - the jerky movements exacerbating the inflammation and discomfort. That didn’t mean they had to treat me like a fragile porcelain doll though.

I narrowed my eyes at them, “Of course I can handle it. I could handle it this entire time…which is why I’ve been asking for more capable partners.”

Joe smiled, “Well, good. Maybe you can go out with a bang this season.”

What the fuck was this about? I dug my teeth into my bottom lip as I tried to figure out their angle. There was always an angle with them, “Why do I feel like you’re trying to sell this to me?”

Joe grimaced slightly. “We’re not trying to sell it, but we do worry you won’t be happy about it.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back into the seat, “Who is it?”

Stacia smirked, “It’s Dieter Bravo.”

I looked between the two of them, “You’re joking?”

They shook their heads in unison. This didn’t make sense. Wouldn’t he be better suited with one of the girls that enjoyed a lifestyle similar to his?

“What makes you think he and I will work well together? I know I have a lot of patience, but it does have its limits.”

Joe chuckled, “His people requested you specifically. He’s actually eight months sober and they want him with someone who isn’t going to get him into trouble. He’s trying to clean up his image.”

I scoffed, “I thought you didn’t let the celebrities have any say in who they’re partnered with?”

Joe leaned forward onto the table, “We don’t normally, but given his request and the reasons for it, we felt we should make an exception. We were thinking of putting him with you anyway.”

I shook my head, “You are aware of his reputation, right? Alec is gonna lose his shit over this.”

Stacia smiled, “It’s not your or Alec’s choice. We run the show.”

It dawned on me then. Alec had said there was a last minute lineup change this morning and that’s why he was put with Lana. I had somehow managed to fly under the radar when it came to the producers' manufactured bullshit, but now I was right in the middle of it. They were making moves to create an underlying narrative for the show.

“Who was he partnered with originally? I know it wasn’t me.”

Stacia looked surprised by my question, “He was never partnered with anyone else before you.”

Stacia was lying. She couldn’t look at me directly when she answered my question - it was her tell. I knew how their minds worked. Dieter Bravo had a reputation for causing trouble and they were looking to exploit it. I’m sure his request caused a hiccup in their plans, so now they were making adjustments to cause drama surrounding him any way they could.

My eyes shifted between the two of them, “I don’t know what your endgame is here, but I have no intention of playing, just so you know.”

Stacia and Joe sat expressionless, not giving anything away. I assumed they expected this sort of response from me. My tendency to push back at their plans was one of the reasons I wasn’t a favorite of theirs and most likely part of the reason they always worked to get me off the show as soon as possible, every season. Which sucked for my bank account. To add to their reasoning, I wasn’t interesting enough since I never had issues with my partners or whirlwind romances that made for good TV. However, this season they were taking a chance, throwing two bombs in the form of Lana and Dieter into my already tumultuous relationship with Alec. Hoping for an exciting outcome that would play out behind the scenes to stir up tabloid fodder and result in free promotion for the show.

Joe sighed, finally speaking to break the tension in the room, “For what it’s worth, we met with Dieter earlier this morning…he was actually very pleasant and agreeable. I don’t think he’ll be an issue for you, so long as he continues to stay sober.”

My brows furrowed, “It sounds like you have a lot of faith in him. Good to know.” I moved to stand, “Well, if there isn’t anything else you need from me…”

Joe smiled weakly in my direction, “No, I think that’s it for now…just make sure you review the schedule and let us know if you have questions.”

I gave them a sarcastic smile before moving to leave the conference room. As I rounded the corner in the hallway, looking down at the floor lost in my thoughts and frustration, I ran into someone. I started mumbling my apologies as I looked up at the stranger. I was met with a mess of curls, piercing dark eyes, and a dimpled lop-sided grin. It was Dieter fucking Bravo looking like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he said through a chuckle with his hands on my shoulders to catch me from running head first into him. We stared at each other in silence for a moment. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, he can’t call me that.

He had a slight smirk on his face now, “Katarina, right? Looks like we’re gonna be dance partners.”

I shook my head, my lips set in a tight line, “Don’t call me that.”

His brow furrowed, “What? Katarina?”

I scoffed, “No, sweetheart. I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. It’s inappropriate. You can call me Kat like everyone else.”

He was obviously taken off guard by my cold demeanor as he gave me a confused look, “I didn’t…mean anything by it, I-I call everyone sweetheart.”

I nodded, “Well, you're not gonna call me that.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a beat, “I guess I’ve earned that. Sorry, I won’t do it again.”

I inhaled deeply, biting my bottom lip as I did so. It didn’t go unnoticed that his eyes shifted down to my mouth. “Look, this is my last season and I just wanna get through it without any drama, ok?”

A crease formed between his brows as his jaw ticked to the side, “What makes you think I’m gonna cause drama?”

I shook my head, now realizing how big of a jerk I was being, “Umm…I…”

He continued to stare at me with a burning intensity, “Just so you know, I’m sober…have been for eight months. Drama is not my thing these days…”

I gave him a tight smile, “Good…hopefully you can stick to it.” Fuck. That did not come out how I meant for it to.

I could see his jaw muscles flex before he let out a small laugh. His eyes finally shifted downward. He almost looked hurt by that comment.

I sighed, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

His brows arched as he peered at me through his lashes, “You know, I requested to be partnered with you because I was told that you're professional and wouldn’t be judgmental about my past…I guess I heard wrong. I suppose I should just expect it at this point, right? Maybe I shouldn’t have such high expectations of others.”

My mouth fell open as I shook my head. I’m such a fucking asshole. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything before he spoke again, “I guess I’ll see you at rehearsals tomorrow. Have a good afternoon.” He gave me a sad smile as he brushed past me. I stood there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot watching him as he walked toward the exit. That was a great first impression. Good job, Kat.

“Who was that?” Alec asked from behind me.

I turned, running my fingers through the top of my hair out of frustration, “That was my new dance partner.”

Alec squinted toward the figure standing near the exit, now stopping to look at his phone, “Is that Dieter Bravo?”

I could feel my jaw tighten as I took in Alec’s expression, “Yes, it is.” Alec’s head snapped toward me, “I don’t want you working with him.”

I smiled sarcastically, “Really? And you think I have a choice in that? They made it clear, there is no other option. I asked.”

Alec shook his head, “You could just not do this season. You're quitting anyway. Why not go ahead and drop out?”

My eyes widened at his suggestion, “Because I need the fucking money, you know that.”

He chuckled, “Right, for the dance studio.”

I scoffed, “Yeah, for the dance studio. I don’t understand why you can’t support me on that.”

Alec didn’t acknowledge my question, “This guy is a known womanizer. I’m not comfortable with this.”

My head tilted to the side, “So you don’t trust me. That’s rich coming from you. You know…I’m not excited about your partner either, but I didn’t tell you to drop out. If anyone has a right to be concerned, it’s me.”

Alec moved in closer, causing me to back up against the wall as he got in my face. His eyes were blazing with anger, “You’re never gonna let that shit go, are you? That was ten months ago, and I have been loyal to you ever since. Yet here you are…still throwing it in my fucking face.”

I had a sudden defiant streak hit me, “You’re the one who brought it up by insinuating that you couldn’t trust me. I’m just reminding you who the problem is in this relationship.”

Alec moved to put his hand on the wall next to my head as he leaned in further - his nose nearly touching mine as I turned my stoney face away from him, “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again,” he spat out.

I could feel his eyes drift over my face for a moment before he pulled away and walked off.

I huffed out a quiet “Fuck” as I exhaled a shaky breath and watched him walk toward the dressing rooms. When I glanced back toward the exit, Dieter was still standing there, frozen in place with his phone halfway to his ear. Once he realized I was looking his way, his head dropped downward, and he slowly turned to exit the building.

Dieter’s POV

As I walked out into the scorching afternoon sun, I ended the call to check my voicemail, deciding I wasn’t in the mood to hear it. I was frustrated by my first interaction with Katarina. It didn’t go how I expected, and honestly, she had hurt my feelings. Based on everything I had heard about her, I didn’t think she would throw my past up in my face like that. At least not immediately, if at all. She did seem a little flustered, maybe she was just having a bad day?

What followed after our exchange was even more bizarre. It looked like she was having a tense conversation with the man that I assumed was the one she was dating. Lenny had mentioned she was engaged to one of the other dancers. When the man first leaned in, I initially thought they were just having a private moment, but then I noticed the look on Kat’s face as she turned away from him. Something about it was unsettling and for a brief moment, I considered interrupting them. Luckily, I didn’t have to. However, I was left feeling that I had witnessed something I wasn’t supposed to.

Even though our conversation didn’t go as well as I hoped, I was still struck with how beautiful Katarina was in person. Pictures and TV didn’t do her justice. It was probably a good thing she was seeing someone, otherwise I would be in danger of making a fool of myself. Then again, I probably would anyway. My sober self didn’t seem to know how to act around a pretty lady. My confidence and self-assurance definitely weren’t on the same level these days.

When I got home, I spent more time than I would like to admit staring at my reflection in the mirror - trying to remind myself that I was no longer the piece of shit that everyone still saw me as. It was still hard for me to accept that the old me and the new me were two very different people. Some days it really did seem like it was easier being the old Dieter Bravo, because he didn’t care about how he was perceived by others. I often longed for him to come back, just to quiet the thoughts of self-hate and inadequacy. Those thoughts really could be suffocating and hard to overcome. It was near impossible living with myself on those days.

The anticipation of how our first rehearsal would go was starting to get to me. So, I decided to spend the rest of the evening trying to relax and take my mind off things. With classical music blaring from the sound system, I moved through the house to check in on my plants - watering, misting leaves, and pruning. It was a new hobby I had picked up since rehab. It started with one succulent plant that had seen better days. My neighbor had left it sitting next to the trash bin on garbage collection day. For some reason, I had an urge to attempt to save the shriveled mass. After a few weeks, it was showing new life as the deep purple hues started to form on the leaves. My plant obsession bloomed from there. Now I wasn’t even sure how many I had. I was fairly certain my housekeeper was going to quit if I brought any more home.

After I was finished with the plants, I spent some time painting until I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. It was nearing midnight by the time I had showered and crawled into bed. Even though I was completely exhausted, I couldn’t shut my mind off. The anxiety was now building to problematic levels. It was always at this point that I thought about using the most. By now, the old Dieter would be a couple lines in and a few drinks deep to block out the thoughts. The new Dieter suffers through it as he lay in bed alone, staring into the darkness. I drug both hands down my face and huffed loudly before moving to switch on the lamp beside the bed. I reached for my latest self-help book and began reading.

I was startled awake by my 7 AM alarm. I groaned as I felt around next to me on the bed for the shrilling phone to shut it off. I sat up, still half out of it, causing the book that had been lying on my chest to fall to the floor with a loud thump. I got up from bed, wiping the sleep from my eyes as I walked toward the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I stood staring at my reflection again, “You look like shit, Bravo.” It was clear I hadn’t gotten much sleep from my dark circles and puffy eyelids. I threw a warm rag over my eyes for a few minutes in hopes that would help.

Standing in my closet staring at the pile of gym clothes my stylist had picked up, I selected a random pair of shorts and a t-shirt, then pulled the tags off. We weren’t allowed to wear anything with brands or logos on filming days, so I had to break down and buy more clothes. It was probably for the best, my old gym clothes were looking a little ratty anyway.

Once I was dressed, I grabbed my backpack that had a few essentials in it and headed toward the front door. As I stepped out onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind me, I was greeted by my furry squatter who had left another gift near the steps - a dead mouse. I sighed, “Well, at least it’s not on top of the car this time…” The fluffy menace meowed at me as he rubbed against my legs, as if to say, “Look what I did!”

I was determined to not give in to the furry intruder, so I disregarded his attempts for pets. “Don’t you have a family somewhere to annoy?” I muttered to him as I continued toward the car. He followed me halfway down the pathway before sitting down and flicking his tail around as he watched me get into the driver's side and shut the door. He didn’t look happy about being ignored.

I gave myself a quick glance in the rearview mirror, reaching to comb down my hair with my fingers. I hadn’t bothered to fix it, knowing it was going to turn into a mess no matter what I did to it. Then, I started the car and drove in silence to the dance studio, not even really sure how I got there as I pulled into the parking lot. I found myself wondering if I had run any redlights as I walked through the main entrance. I felt like I was in a haze as the camera team talked to me in the lobby to fill me in on the plans for filming.

They wanted to do a brief interview with me before I went into the studio with Katarina. They wanted me to give the whole spiel about how excited I was to be here and working with my dance partner. Truth is, I wasn’t excited. I was nervous as hell, and I was supposed to act like this was the first time I was meeting her. I was unsure of how to act toward her, so when the time came for me to walk through the door to greet her and act excited, I turned on the Dieter Bravo charm the best I could and pretended like yesterday’s conversation never happened.

I was surprised to find how well Katarina did the same thing as she came over to greet me with a smile and a hug and gushed about how excited she was to work with me. However, we were both avoiding looking at the other directly. Clearly there was still some lingering awkwardness between us. After they filmed the introduction, they wanted to get some quick shots of us rehearsing.

These first few days of rehearsal were meant for learning the basics. We were not actually getting into the first routine yet. We started with some simple stretches and moved into learning the proper frame, the different types of positions, and spacing for the different types of dances. It was all very high level and fast, but Katarina had promised that we would go over it in more detail once the film crew left for the day. The quick pace was mostly for the benefit of the film crew so they could get what they needed and move on to the next couple.

Once filming was done for the day, we took a seat on the floor for a water break as the crew gathered up all of their gear to leave. We mostly sat in awkward silence until we were finally alone. I could feel Katarina’s eyes on me as I stared at the water bottle in my hand. She spoke first.

“I feel like I should apologize about yesterday…I was having a shit day and kind of took it out on you. I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean what I said.”

I pursed my lips and shrugged, “It’s fine. I’m used to it at this point.”

She reached out and grasped my wrist with her left hand, the heat of her touch raced through me as I looked at the glittering ring on that finger for a moment before meeting her eyes, “It doesn’t mean that it should keep happening though. It’s not right and it’s not fair to you. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

I huffed out a small laugh, “Yeah, except I’m on like my tenth chance. I understand why no one takes me seriously. Really, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Her face softened as she stared at me for a beat, like she was trying to decide what she wanted to say next. Then she shifted her body to face me as she crossed her legs, “It is a big deal. It’s a big deal to me because I know better. You know…”

She paused, appearing to gather her thoughts. I moved to lean back on my hand and face her more fully with my legs stretched out to the side. My teeth bit into my bottom lip as I watched her face shift to a somewhat pained expression. It was brief, but I still caught it before she gained her composure.

“My uhh…my dad was sober for about 14 years before he passed. I know how hard it was for him in the beginning…with everyone doubting him and not giving him a chance. It’s one of the reasons he relapsed the first few times. It can be hard when you don’t have any support from the people around you. I know that…and I don’t wanna be one of those people. You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you, so I wanna make sure I’m giving you a fair shot and support you as long as you’re actively trying to better yourself. I know first-hand that people do change.”

Is she fucking serious? I couldn’t move or speak. She had stunned me again for the second day in a row. I never would have guessed she would share something so personal, especially on our first day together. She seemed sincere in her apology.

I finally managed a curt nod before I reached to rub at the crease between my brows, “Thanks…I uhh…I appreciate that.” I let out a small laugh, “I appreciate it more than you probably realize, actually.”

She gave me a tentative smile, “Does that mean I’m forgiven for being an asshole then?”

I chuckled, “Of course…and I didn’t think you were an asshole. Not really. I had a feeling you were having a bad day.”

“Whew…ok. Good. I was worried I had already fucked this whole thing up before it started.”

Ok, it’s kind of hot when she says fuck. I smirked, “Does this mean I get to call you sweetheart now?”

She narrowed her eyes on me and shook her head, “No. No sweetheart.” She laughed quietly, “But, I might consider a different nickname if you come up with a good one.”

My lips spread into a cheeky smile, “I think I can come up with something.” She laughed into the top of her water bottle as she took a sip with a slight flush creeping up her neck. Am I flirting right now? I don’t even know what I’m doing. Geez. I looked away in an attempt to reign myself in. I can��t be doing that.

We were soon back at it, now with a more relaxed atmosphere. We again started with getting my frame right. I stood in place as she moved my arms to the proper position, pushing in between my shoulder blades to straighten my posture. After several minutes in the position, I couldn’t help the groan that slipped out, “This is gonna do a number on my back muscles, isn’t it?”

She snickered, “You will definitely have better posture by the time I’m done with you. Now, elbows up, you should have a horizontal line from elbow to elbow…and hold it there.”

She then stood in front of me, taking in my form for a moment before manipulating my hands into the proper position.

Smiling, she nodded in satisfaction as she stepped closer, “Ok, now let’s go over the hold. The hold is important because it’s how we connect…how our bodies communicate movement to lead and follow.”

As she spoke, she moved closer, placing her arm along the top of my right one and clasping my left hand in hers. She was very matter of fact with her words as her eyes bore into mine. It was almost distracting.

“I need you to make sure there’s no space between our arms…here, so keep your elbow flush against mine.” She bounced her arm against the top of my right one to emphasize what she meant. “This is an important connection point because I can feel the pressure from your arm, which will tell me how to follow. As for your left hand, keep it at my eye level. We apply pressure here as well for another connection point.”

All I could do was nod along with her words, completely mesmerized by her intensity. Once she felt we had the hold down, she began to explain the differences in spacing for standard ballroom versus Latin dances.

“So…in Latin style dances, we’ll have more space between us…like we are now. It gives us more room to move. We’re gonna be slightly offset from each other while maintaining this closed position. Got it?”

I nodded again as I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I wanted to look at her directly, but I couldn’t. Between her eyes burning into me and the tingling from her touch, I felt like my skin was on fire. I didn’t know what to make of it and it was sort of fucking with my head.

Then she stepped even closer, the front of our bodies nearly flush as she slightly adjusted the position of our arms. I swallowed hard over her proximity and the tangy citrus scent that was now invading my senses. Fuck. I might be in trouble.

“For standard dances, like the Waltz and Foxtrot, we’re gonna be closer…like this. Our frame will be a little wider and our arms will be positioned slightly lower. We’ll both be looking off to our left instead of directly at each other.”

I cleared my throat, stepping back slightly, “Sooo…umm…do we look off to the left for Latin dances?”

Her brows arched as her eyes widened, “Good question. I should have mentioned that. There’s typically more direct eye contact in the Latin dances. It’s actually another form of connection…another way for us to communicate without words.”

She moved back into the Latin dance hold, now making direct eye contact with me. I couldn’t help how my eyes roamed over her face, taking in the minor changes in her expression as she spoke. I wasn’t sure if the close proximity of the standard hold or direct eye contact with the Latin hold was worse. They were both a little overwhelming.

“Alright, let’s try some steps. We can start with the Rumba.”

She broke away for a moment to show me the foot movement, then had me give it a try. After a successful attempt, she positioned us back into the Latin hold and we began moving together. Once it seemed we had the footwork down, she backed away with a smirk on her face.

“You’re actually really good at this, you know. We do need to work on eye contact though.”

I smiled nervously as I looked down at my feet and rubbed the back of my neck, “I’m sorry…I know. Direct eye contact is a little weird for me.” I glanced up at her through my lashes, slightly embarrassed by the admission.

She smiled and arched a brow in my direction, “Really? I never would have guessed that based on your love scenes.”

My eyes widened. I do not need to think about her watching me dick someone down on screen. Focus, Bravo. I chuckled nervously, “Yeah, I’m not usually looking directly into their eyes during those. I tend to stare between their eyebrows.”

She gave me a sly smile now, snickering, “Oh, is that why you usually look cross eyed then?”

My brow furrowed as I gave her a mock look of offense, “I don’t look cross eyed. That’s rude.”

She cackled over my response, “I’m joking. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one of your love scenes to know how your face looks.”

I scrunched up my nose, “Ouch, ok…so you don’t watch my movies. Got it.”

Her laugh had simmered to a quiet chuckle now as she lightly smacked my shoulder, “I’ve seen some…just not any with a love scene. So don’t be so offended. I’ve seen those TikTok videos though…they gave me a good idea of what I’m working with.”

I rolled my eyes, “Ugh…those fucking TikTok videos. They’re so bad.”

I had to admit, it was nice to be joking around with her after all the tension that had built up from yesterday. I took it as a good sign that this might actually go ok. What I didn’t expect was the attraction that I was starting to feel as our day went on. However, the obnoxiously sized engagement ring she wore on her finger helped keep that in check every time I saw it sparkling in the light when she moved. As long as that shiny reminder was there, I would be ok...

Right?

Next: Week 2

✨FUN FACTS: All cast members on Dancing with the Stars are in fact required to get a weekly spray tan. They also do not get to choose their partners, costumes, music, or themes. They can make recommendations obviously, but the producers do not have to honor the requests. When it comes to pairing partners, the producers do have a "formula".

A/N: I wanted to take a quick minute to welcome all of my new and old readers! So happy to have you all with me for my next adventure with Dieter Bravo. For the new folks, I'm a sucker for predictions and theories. If you have them, drop them in the comments so we can discuss. Now on to my normal nonsense...how are you guys feeling about the first chapter? How do you feel about Dieter and Kat's first couple of interactions? What about all the characters that were introduced? I'm curious to know who you want to throat punch more, Alec or Stacia? I'm already in love with these two and I can't wait to share more of them. This Dieter is...something else. I love sharing things from his point of view. He is going to be a good time, as expected. Kat is...kind of a mess, but also not? It's been interesting being in her head. How do you see things progressing with these two? Lastly, a quick thank you to @maggiemayhemnj for giving this first chapter a quick read through to make sure all these plot points were introduced in a way that made sense...because seriously, there is a lot going on here. She also found the perfect disco ball looking dividers for this...and I fucking love them. 😘 👉 I did a fun post about Dieter's plant hobby and his furry visitor. Check it out HERE. 👉 In case you missed it, I also did a character introduction post, which you can find HERE. Until next time, 💜 Mysty

Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @linzels-blog @morallyinept @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @pedrostories

If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfic #dancing dieter #closed position series

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gardenschedule · 27 days

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just came across your excellent post of quotes about the lennon-mccartney rivalry! there's sooooooo much to unpack there, but i was especially struck by your tags and hoping you could say more:

paul thrived with someone to compete against but it hurt john a lot and seemed to wear him down#i personally believe it's the number 1 cause of the breakdown of their relationship and the breakup itself#because it lead to john stacking his deck with allies like yoko and klein and looking for his own niches to succeed in without paul there

Well that's just my armchair psychoanalysis of John haha, I think he had some seriously debilitating (and mostly unwarranted) insecurities in general and particularly in regards to Paul. Their rivalry was always present but as long as their relationship was in a good place, they were working closely together and John could consider himself top dog, it was a positive motivating force for both of them and they could share the glory. But then Paul became increasingly independent (musically, artistically and socially), started churning out A-sides at a pace John struggled to match, and competing with Paul stopped being fun and was more of a source of unhappiness and stress. Then something happened (in India or around that time) that caused him to feel worthless and humiliated, while Paul was just fine, recently engaged, etc. If you're John Lennon and you've developed an inferiority complex along with a fear of being left behind or surpassed, what do you do? You strengthen your position with people like Yoko (a stalker with artistic cred who was willing to spend every moment with him) and Klein (a John guy who flattered him and made it clear he saw John as the boss), so you've got security and support. You free yourself from the pressure to compete with Paul in music by finding different ways to stand out, like politics and art. Then you're in a position where you don't need Paul and you don't need to beat him. You try to get some power back by provoking him with Yoko related antics and threatening a divorce you don't necessarily plan to follow through on - all he has to do to get you back is submit to your demands, then you have your top dog status back and you know he loves you enough to give you that. After all, when Ringo quit he got wooed back with flowers. When George quit, he got enough leverage to make changes to how they worked. But instead, Paul retreats to Scotland, inadvertently announces the breakup, then sues you. So you publicly rage about it and are deeply hurt for the rest of your life, even thought he technically just gave you what you asked for. Few journalists or authors bother to question this and just accept that you were too good for the Beatles and were bored by them and that's why the group broke up. The end.

Anyway hope that all made sense <3

#the beatles #paul mccartney #john lennon #mclennon

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dotster001 · 1 year

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helloo~~ i was summoned by your twisted earth headcanons (which are amazing, btw) and like, speaking of chara!readers love interest...

if its alright with you, how would they react once the couple becomes canon? like what would happen? also what would happen if some angst or chara!reader and the romance chara broke up?

Summary: Vil/Malleus/Neige/Floyd/Ace x gn! Reader

A/N: since there weren't specific characters requested, I picked the five that I thought would have the most interesting/unique responses, but if you want some more, let me know!

Confused? Check out the Twisted Earth Literary Universe!

When you get together

It was an unexpected twist in the story. He was slated to be a va in the next phase of the story, so he had had hope. Until your book in this phase came out. Neige was voice acting as an evil millionaire's son. After the climax of the story, it was clear they were alluding to you humanizing that character.

But he still had hope! Until he got his script, and his character single handedly match made the two of you.

He's furious! Of course you'd end up with Neige! He can't have anything, can he?

He gives Neige the silent treatment for a couple weeks. Which he does a lot anyway, and Neige is too sweet and just assumes he's busy, so on the whole, he doesn't act too out of the ordinary.

Until he sees Rook's fanart of you and Neige kissing under a cherry blossom tree….

When you break up

It was truly a devastating break up, and it left the fandom in shambles. Your and Neige's characters just had too many differences, particularly with Neige's character not being super respectful of human livelihoods.

He wasn't part of this arc, his character was somewhere else with some random potato, but he'd heard it was coming ahead of time because Neige had come to him asking for pointers on how to up his villain game. Neige was excited to be the bad guy, and knew Vii would be so helpful!

Vil is smiling the entire time. Neige thinks it's because they are having fun together. Spoiler alert, that's not it.

All his simmering rage resurfaces when the arc comes out and Rook is still doing fanart of you and Neige.

And I quote, "Why shouldn't I draw the two most radiant individuals in love's embrace?"

When you get together

Malleus had locked his door when the update with your book came out. He was so excited, giggling like a schoolgirl as he binged the entire 100 chapters.

The weather progressively gets worse and worse as he reads through it. By the time he's finished it's pouring, there's dangerous amounts of lightning, and hail has hit more than one poor Diasomnia resident.

Lilia quickly hits up the twst version of reddit, and finds out your childhood friend confessed to you, and you accepted.

As fast as he can, he sends in emergency commissions to Mal's favorite fanfic authors, paying an ungodly amount of money for speed, and slips the finished products under the door.

The weather eases up, and after about an hour, Mal emerges, pretending his makeup and face isn't tear stained.

There are a huge influx of anon requests requesting "lonely fae prince who comforts Y/N after (childhood friend's) grisly murder". The author's think it has to be more than one person. It's not.

When you break up

You and your friend broke up because what you both thought was a crush, was really just a strong friendship. You're still both on good terms, just free to pursue other people.

He's got a very intimidating smile on his face all day. That's it.

When you get together

At your job, there was a worker who was a year older than you. He was a real stick in the mud. Always insisting that everyone follow the rules. Poo pooing on parties. Ace had thought it was a throwaway character. Until you confessed to him!

Your body pillow is in time out. I mean, it is not so different from normal in that it lives under his bed. But now, if it was a moment he would have snuggled it in the past, he will look under the bed, tell you to think about what you've done, and pout.

He boycotts the game for a while as well. As though his anger at this turn of events will outweigh all the millions of people in the fandom who adore this couple.

Poor Deuce, in this specific version of the au, ships it really hard. I don't think I have to tell you about the verbal assault he gets from Ace on this matter.

When you break up

Truly a devastating moment. Your partner had been secretly cheating on you with someone even more rebellious than you.

Ace is smug as hell! He's going off on Deuce at all hours of the day! He told him so! He knew it wouldn't last! He was right, you'd never fall for a stick in the mud loser!

Your body pillow is still in timeout. You did this to yourself, and he's not sure you've learned your lesson.

When you get together

He was so excited to work with Vii again! Since they hadn't been able to work together in so long, it was nice when Vil joined the project. And then Vil's character kissed you…

He's fine! It's fine! That's fine! You're not real, it's okay! And even if you were real, he doesn't have the time for a relationship, between his acting and schooling. It's totally fine!

He's not sad! He's not! In fact he's happy because it means Vil's character is going to be even more important to the story, so they can keep hanging out!

It's totally fine!

When you break up

Vil didn't have as much time in his schedule these days. So the best thing to do was to kill his character.

It was devastating for you, and you'd definitely have lifelong trauma, but the death scene went viral, and people have gone nuts with Vil's last words to you. Neige has even seen videos of people adding them to their wedding vows!

You're not real though. So it's fine! It's okay! He shouldn't be attached to a fake character anyway, so it's fine!

He feels guilty that he doesn't feel guilty over how happy he is that Vii's character is dead…

When you get together

Jade and Floyd were quietly sitting in their room, doing their own thing, when Floyd's phone suddenly smashed into the wall by Jade's head.

The last thing Jade saw on the screen before the image flickered off and the phone shut down forever was, "I love you, even though I hate mushrooms."

Now, Jade was super far behind in the story, but he knew enough to know that 1. His brother was madly in love with you and 2. You had clearly just confessed to someone who must have been as into mushrooms as he was.

It would be amusing if Floyd hadn't started smashing his terrariums.

Quickly calling in Azul, who was one of the few people who could pin Floyd, they gave him some tranquilizers, then cleaned up the shattered glass in the room.

Floyd has no motivation to do anything for the next several days. He also picked three fights with various students. It takes a long time for him to be okay again, and as I said in the initial HC's, he is no longer allowed to play the game without supervision.

When you break up

Heh heh. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!

....

Tag list- @shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @eccedentesiast-sapphic

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greenhikingboots · 1 year

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Jon’s Pre-Canon Crush

Okay, Jonsa fam. I’ve seen a lot of great posts, especially in the last few months, about Jon’s reactions to Val. Among them, there’s one particular vein I like to assume everyone loves as much as I do. That is, when Jon thinks of Val’s hair as silver vs. when he thinks of it as the color of dark honey. You’ve seen those metas, right? They explain the likelihood of Jon’s future connection to Dany being negative — The air tastes cold. / My tongue is too numb to tell. All I taste is cold. — while his future connection to Sansa will be positive — It had been a long while since Jon Snow had seen a sight so lovely.

Well, in this post I want to expand on the angle of Val-is-sometimes-a-stand-in-for-Sansa. Only, I don’t want to speculate on what will happen between Jon and Sansa in the future, if we ever get GRRM’s last two books. Enough people have already done that, and they’ve done it so wonderfully that I have little to add. Instead, as the title of this post says, I want to focus on Jon’s pre-canon crush. More specifically: I want to focus on what Jon’s thoughts and feelings about Val say about his thoughts and feelings about Sansa.

But let me lay some groundwork first, okay? Until a few weeks ago, I went back and forth on pre-canon crush theories. I agreed they held a lot of potential and were a lot of fun to daydream about — a great premise for a one-shot, to be sure! Oh, and I’ve always loved it when people said things like, “Hey, Jon, your Targaryen is showing.” That’s classic stuff. But did I really think GRRM meant to hint at prior feelings rather than just laying a foundation for future feelings? Again, until a few weeks ago, I wasn’t totally convinced either way. But now I am fully committed to the Pre-Canon Crush Camp, assigned to cabin Jon-Had-Feelings-for-Sansa. [Did Sansa have feelings for Jon too? Ummm maybe? I think there’s some evidence to support that, but not as much. But, hey, that’s not the point of this post. Sorry. Moving on.] So what changed? Well, basically some ideas I’d previously had sunk in on a deeper level. It started with this post from @sherlokiness. It talks about GRRM commenting on a discrepancy in the books, two occasions where Jeyne Westerling’s physical descriptions do not match up. GRRM said the discrepancies were a mistake, a really unfortunate one because it distracts from the times when he intentionally included discrepancies of physical appearances. And basically us Jonsas loved it. Like, “Yep! Make sense! We assumed as much already, Mr. Martin.” And that’s because of the canon line mentioned earlier, right? You know the whole thing, don’t you? Oh, but you want me to quote it here anyway? Okay, fine, I’ll oblige.

They [Ghost and Val] look as though they belong together. Val was clad all in white [bleh, bleh, bleh] …but her eyes were blue, her long braid the color of dark honey, her cheeks flushed red from the cold. It had been a long while since Jon Snow had seen a sight so lovely.

Direwolf. Lots of white. Suspicious ellipses. Blue eyes. Long braid the color of dark honey. Right, okay, got it. [BTW. Did you know there’s also a point, early on, where Val’s described as having high cheekbones? You know, a feature Sansa has as well!?!?] Anyway, when I saw sherlokiness’s post about GRRM’s comments and the Jonsas relating it to that canon scene with Ghost and Val, I reblogged it. Naturally. And in the tags I said something like, “I’ll have to double check but I’m pretty sure the willowy creature line comes after this line. As in, maybe Jon knew exactly who Val reminded him in that moment and he was trying to talk himself out of his pre-canon crush coming back to the surface.” I’m paraphrasing here. My tags were probably not as clear as that. Also, I was being a bit facetious. It was a thought I’d had before, but just a passing one. Again (AGAIN! Do I say that too much?), I’d been going back and forth about pre-canon crush theories for a long time. But @agentrouka-blog saw my tags and was like, “You might be onto something there.” And then @zimshan saw my tags too and did the double check for me. Thanks! And guess what? GUESS WHAT, JONSA FAM!? I was right about the order. First, Jon sees Ghost and Val, thinks her eyes are blue and her hair is like dark honey, and it is a lovely sight. Second, this line:

Val looked the part [of a princess] and rode as if she had been born on horseback. A warrior princess, he decided, not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair and waiting for some knight to rescue her.

But guess what else? The order isn’t even the most striking thing. The most striking thing is how closely these two lines appear to one another — within just a few pages!!! That's what zimshan said. So I went back to read it myself. Not just the two lines to check the order, but a little before, and a little after, and everything in between. If you want, you can do the same. It’s ADWD Jon XI.

Want to know what stuck out to me most? The willowy creature line actually seems… so odd, and out of place, and unnecessary. I swear to you. Let me try to explain.

Basically, by that point in the chapter, Jon has already clearly established his take on Val. She’s beautiful, everyone knows it, but she’s more than that. She’s strong and capable. She found Tormund and brought him back to Castle Black when Jon’s Night’s Watch Rangers couldn’t manage it. Like, Jon’s thankful for Val, okay?

Oh, and he also seems aware that he holds her in higher regard than the rest of the men who keep calling her a princess even though she’s not one. I think he feels smug about it, to be honest. Like, he wouldn’t use these words because it’s ASOIAF, but he knows he’s a budding feminist and he’s proud of himself for it. Like, “I’m so much better than these asshats who don’t respect women and think all Val has to offer is her pretty face.”

How great is that? I love book Jon so much.

Where was I, though? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! This next part is key. Up until the willowy creature line, Jon has not had a single disparaging thought about Val. Val being cruel about Shireen’s greyscale hasn’t happened yet. But for some reason — *Getting too executed. Brain malfunctioning!*

AH! I SWEAR JONSA FAM! If you read the willowy creature in fuller context, it comes across as if Jon’s correcting himself for having a disparaging thought about Val, like he’s reminding himself of who she truly is. She’s a warrior princess, not a willowy creature. But like, why? Why does Jon feel the need to do this? He hasn’t had a disparaging thought about Val, so why correct himself as if he has?

Just because she’s beautiful? Just because he’s tired of other men calling her a princess? I mean, I guess that could be the whole story. That’s certainly how we’re supposed to take it, if we’re taking it at face value. But I’m not convinced. Go read it again, and I think you’ll see that when the willowy creature line happens, it actually feels like a weird logic leap.

The dots aren’t connecting because one dot is missing!!!! Let me put a pin in that for a moment while I turn to other mini metas in our Jonsa fandom. Antis like to say, “Jon doesn’t like girls like Sansa. He doesn't like willowy creatures, he said so himself.” But we know that’s crap, right? The boy who liked Ygritte’s gentle side? The boy who helps Alys Karstark by marrying her to Sigorn? The boy who dreamed his mother was a highborn lady with kind eyes? The boy who wanted to show his hypothetical wife Winterfell’s glass gardens and bath with her in the hot pools?

Yeah, that boy is a budding feminist, like I said.

So again I ask (AGAIN!) why would Jon — who is not especially critical of women in general and has not been critical of Val at all up to this point — feel the need to correct himself by thinking this critical thing about willowy creatures? In other words, why does he lift up Val by putting down some vague idea of other women he’s never had a problem with before?

Well, obviously it turns out that I believe my facetious, tongue in cheek tags more than I realized when I wrote them. My position is that somewhere in the two pages between ...a long while since Jon had seen a sight so lovely… and ...not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair… Jon realized Val reminded him of Sansa, he felt guilty and ashamed about it, and then felt the need to do damage control. And because guilt and shame are icky, confusing feelings, his damage control took the form of being critical of Sansa even though he isn’t normally critical of such women.

Am I making sense? How do I explain myself further? Like, why am I so stuck on this idea Jon’s willowy creature line being two pages after the Ghost and Val looking lovely together line must mean Jon had a pre-canon crush?

I think the crux is what I said about the willowy creature line feeling like a weird logic leap — like the dots aren’t connecting because one is missing. The missing dot is Jon being aware that he’s mentally swapped Val with Sansa. He just doesn’t acknowledge this on the page.

Let me be extra clear. I’m now differing from several others who have written about pre-canon crush theories in that I think Jon was aware of his crush. I’ve seen many say it’s all subconscious. But this stuff with Val makes me think otherwise.

I mean, I know Jon has a pattern of dissociation. For him, thinking, and speaking, and acting from his subconsciousness is a common occurrence. So, yes, he could have subconsciously thought Val looked like Sansa and subconsciously felt guilty and ashamed and therefore subconsciously decided to do damage control by subconsciously reminding himself Val is a warrior princess and therefore not a willowy creature.

But I think GRRM was hinting at an exception to Jon’s pattern with these canon lines. Because if the first part is happening subconsciously — Jon thinking Val looks like Sansa and that it’s a lovely sight — then he wouldn’t feel the need to do damage control afterwards? If he wasn’t aware of thinking of Sansa in that moment, isn’t it more likely he’d just carry on with taking Val to meet Selyse, and the odd, out of place, unnecessary line about a willowy creature wouldn’t have been included? What else, what else?

I said earlier that I think Jon’s crush is an innocent, not sexual thing. Let me expand on that. And uuuuuhhhhh... let me clarify that I think that might be changing some over time. My guess is when Jon was younger, his thoughts were more along these lines: “Sansa is pretty, and a proper lady, and everything men are taught to want. She’ll be a good wife for someone someday. Obviously not me. That’s sinful, I don’t want it, and I’m a bastard so I can’t marry a highborn lady anyway. But objectively, Sansa’s a good catch.” Which kinda matches how Jon thinks of Val at times, right? Like, she’s a catch but he doesn’t want her. He’s not taking Winterfell and a Wife because Winterfell belongs to Sansa and he’s a man of the Night’s Watch, dammit! But hang on a second. Sometimes Jon’s thoughts about Val are more elicit, aren’t they? He thinks about the size of her breasts and she’s the hypothetical wife he pictures romancing in Winterfell. Don’t worry, I’m not saying I’m secretly a Jon/Val shipper. What I’m getting at is this other thing we’ve talked about in the Jonsa fandom. Jone projects his general desires onto Val. He’s getting older. He’s unhappy at the Wall. Winterfell isn’t Robb’s like he thought it would be, and Bran and Rickon are thought to be dead. And Stannis is offering Winterfell and Val to him. Plus he’s now been intimate with a woman, Ygritte. So he knows that sex feels nice. All in all, Jon’s becoming more in tune with wanting Winterfell, and a wife, and a family, and wanting to fu—

You get the idea. ;)

Soooooo. If you buy into the premise that A) Jon considered Sansa a good catch when they were younger B) He’s thinking more and more about romance and sex C) Val is also a good catch and easy to project feelings onto and D) Woopsies, Val just reminded me of Sansa! Well, then where does all that leave Jon? Feeling like he needs to distance himself from positive thoughts about Sansa, right? But without ever thinking her name because of his pattern of dissociation and because GRRM is tricky like that. Am I making my point clearer, or just talking in circles? Like, I know plenty of people have already said Val is a switch-back-and-forth-stand-in-for-other-characters. The first two short paragraphs of this post mentions those metas. But holy smokes! If Jon is aware of A-D mentioned above, that adds a fascinating layer of subtext to his scenes with and thoughts about Val. Let’s talk about it forever!

Just kidding. I think I’m almost done here. Basically, I think the willowy creature line is Jon knowingly saying to himself, “Yikes, the thoughts I had about Sansa in the past didn’t bother me much because they were 99% innocent. But they are less innocent now and that’s a problem! You can’t like Sansa! Don’t confuse Sansa with Val, dummy! Val is a warrior princess! Sansa is a willowy creature and willowy creatures are bad!”

Okay, sure, Jon. Let me wrap up with one more canon line.

Of Sansa brushing out Lady’s coat and singing to herself. You know nothing, Jon Snow.

We often link this line to Ygritte for obvious reasons, but I’m now in the habit of linking it more to Val and the canon lines mentioned previously. I think GRRM wrote a the three lines — a sight so lovely + willow creature + of Sansa brushing out Lady’s coat — as a subtle continuation of one another. Us Jonsas saw the potential for underlying romantic feelings in the last one, that’s nothing new. But I want to add that it’s a direct contrast to the willowy creature line. As Jon is bleeding out, he can no longer be bothered to put up a front and pretend he doesn’t have feelings for Sansa, feelings that have gotten more complicated as of late.

Oh so subtle. Really not that much different than what others have said before me. But different enough I wanted to mention it. Now someone put it in a fanfic!!

#jonsa #jonsa meta #jonsa pre-canon crush #did this make sense?#it's a blur #i almost gave up on writing it #but people seemed interested #so i hope i don't sound like a crazy person

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cataztrophi · 6 months

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"Come on, Taako, please?"

Taako ignored his sister's needling tone. "Absolutely not. Krav and I already have plans, and it's eating a shit ton of candy and watching whatever horror movies are on streaming these days. I am definitely not spending Halloween at some dumb party thrown by a neighbor I barely know."

Lup flopped onto the couch in a huff. "Why are both of you eighty years old?"

"Because we spend all day talking to people we don't like, and it's the last thing I want to do when I get home." Taako shot a sidelong glance at Kravitz, who was leaning against the counter and watching him slice carrots for soup. Kravitz was an only child, and more vulnerable to Lup's pestering due to a lack of acquired immunity. Still Taako knew that he felt the same. Besides, their annual tradition was a plausibly deniable excuse to huddle under a blanket together, maybe grab Kravitz’s hand at a particularly tense moment–and right now, Taako wouldn't trade that for the world.

"Why don't you just go by yourself?" Kravitz offered.

"Because I don't live here! It'll be weird as hell if I just barge in."

Taako slid the carrots into a bowl and started on the celery. "Mmm, that sounds like a you problem."

Lup glared at him. "I didn't want to have to use this, Taako…"

He waved her away. "Save it. I'm not going."

She folded her arms and came up to the counter, staring Taako down. "Remember last year when I drove two hours to drop you off for a dick appointment? And then drove two more hours to pick you up that night because he turned out to be a massive asshole? And you said and I quote, 'Thanks, Lup, I owe you one forever'?"

Taako groaned. She had him and he knew it. "Really, Lup? You're calling that in for this?"

"Why do you want to go so badly?" Kravitz asked, in a valiant attempt to save him from his inevitable doom.

Taako rolled his eyes. "Lup has a crush on one of our neighbors. But Lulu, you don't even know if he’s going to be there."

"Yes, I do. He told me he was going."

"Why can't you just ask him out like a normal person?"

"Taako?" There was a sharp note in her voice, and her eyes darted pointedly between him and Kravitz.

He sighed. She had a point there. "Fine, you win. But if it sucks I'm leaving."

"Yes!" She thrust her hands into the air like she had just won a champion boxing match. "Okay, I've got to get some last-minute costume things, but I'll see you tomorrow night!"

She gathered up her coat and sped out the door before Taako could think of any more arguments.

"I guess we'd better figure out our costumes, too," Kravitz said.

"Just because I'm gonna be in small talk hell doesn't mean you have to be."

Kravitz shrugged. "Halloween wouldn't be the same without you anyway."

The kitchen seemed very warm all of a sudden.

Taako had just put the finishing touches on his makeup when Lup rang the doorbell the following night. He opened the door to find her dressed in a red evening gown with a faux-fur wrap thrown over one shoulder.

"Okay, I give up," he said, still a little annoyed. "What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Miss Scarlet, from Clue?" She pointed to the headband in her hair with three green Clue cards fanned out and glued to one side.

"Cool. Well, have fun explaining that all night."

Lup shrugged as she stepped into the room. "I look good in red. What's your costume, anyway?"

Taako plucked the pointy hat from the coffee table and jammed it onto his head. "I'm a wizard."

She looked skeptical, taking in his thigh-high boots, short skirt, and flowy blouse, with the spangled hat thrown hastily on top. Regardless of what she thought of its validity as a costume, it was undeniably a look. Taako may not have wanted to go to this thing, but he still had a reputation to think of.

"Mmhmm. What's Kravitz being?"

He shrugged. "He wouldn't tell me. Said he wanted it to be a surprise."

"I'm not sure whether to be curious or concerned about that."

"Yeah, me neither."

They didn't have to wait long for the reveal. Lup had just finished reapplying her deep red lipstick when the door to Kravitz’s room opened and Taako's heart lurched. Kravitz was dressed as a vampire. He wasn't wearing some generic Party City costume, though; he had fully leaned into the goth sensibilities that he was too self-conscious to indulge the rest of the year. He had broken out the lace-up boots that Taako had convinced him to buy a month ago, which had languished in his closet ever since. He wore a gorgeous brocade jacket that Taako had never seen before over a loose shirt with lace at the cuffs and collar. Its cut revealed more chest than Taako was used to, and he had to make a concerted effort not to stare. Then Kravitz smiled, showing off a pair of fangs that looked quite frankly too at-home in his mouth, and Taako thought he was about to get the vapors like the heroine of a gothic novel.

"Wow, Krav, you look…." He scrambled about for a non-incriminating adjective. "Um, you look…spooky. I like the, uh, teeth." He prayed that Kravitz–or worse, Lup–didn't notice him blushing to the tips of his ears.

"Thanks," Kravitz replied, a little shyly. He looked Taako's costume over in return, his eyes moving just a bit slower than was strictly necessary. Well, Taako wasn't not hoping to catch his attention. "You look fantastic."

Lup could definitely see his blush now, and she was grinning about it in a way he didn't appreciate.

"Well, are we going or what?" he asked, louder than was necessary.

Lup led the way out the door, and Kravitz offered his arm to Taako with a grin. Maybe it was the fangs, or lingering light-headedness, but Taako swore there was a new glint in Kravitz's eye like a question he'd been waiting to ask. His heart hammered in his chest as he took Kravitz's arm. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.

#i wanted to post something for the holiday so here's a small one! Happy Halloween!#taz balance #taako #lup #taakitz #taz kravitz #troph writes

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l-starlight-l · 9 months

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Forgiveness in the rain

A/n: switching it up and writing some atla. Enjoy!

Warning: Mention of burning

Description: You are surprised to see Zuko, the boy who you have a weird history with, working in a local tea shop. You don’t know how to feel, but confront him anyway.

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

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With Appa missing and the hovering Dai Li, the team was under a lot of tension. Ba sing sa was nothing like you thought it was going to be. The hope of getting the solar eclipse plan to the earth king vanished after the gala and now you had nothing. With no help from the earth kingdom winning this war would be a lot more difficult.

You’re usually an early raiser but this morning was different. You had slept way later than you meant to and had waste a good part of the morning hours. You quickly fixed yourself up and got ready for the day before exiting your room. When you walk out to the main area of your temporary home you see Sokka, and only Sokka which was unusual. He turned around hearing your footsteps and smiled. “Well good morning, you slept in late today” he warmly greeted you.

You let out a nervous laugh, “hey, where is everyone” you questioned while looking around the empty house.

“Well Aang was gone before I woke up, and Katara and Toph are have a “girls day”” he said making finger quotes when saying girls day.

Your heart hurt alittle, you were new to the group and they were still warming up to you but why would they not invite you out with them. Sokka could see what you were thinking and added “they wanted you to come but figured you needed your sleep”.

You just nodded trying not to think about it to much. “Aangs been going out so early, he’s going to tire himself out looking for appa” you were concerned about him, you knew appa meant the world to him. Sokka nodded his head in agreement. He was worried too.

There was a long awkward silence between the two of you. It not like you don’t like each other, it’s just that you don’t spend a lot of one on one with Sokka. So neither of you know what to talk about. Breaking the silence you ask Sokka if he would like to go to the market with you. He agrees, thinking he has nothing better to do and it may be fun. You two head off to explore the walled city.

After a few hours in the market you come out with necessary things like supplies and food. As well as unnecessary items like a hat to match Sokka’s purse and belt. You roll your eyes at his ridiculous purchase and decide to call it a day. You had over heard a shopkeeper talking about an amazing tea place and decided to try to find it.

After some searching you reach a small shop with a sign reading “The Jasmine Dragon” over the door. Sokka groans because ,as he’s mentioned multiple times on your way here, he hates tea and would rather go to a restaurant know for their perfectly cooked meat. You roll your eyes once again at this childlike boy. “Stop whining Sokka, I already told you we could go to the restaurant tomorrow” you try to silence his complaining as you walk into the shop.

The shop is pretty packet but lucky you find a table for two. The atmosphere is calming and fills you with serenity the second you walk in, which is much needed after the week you’ve had. A young brown haired girl comes up to take our order. You politely ask her for a cup of jasmine and order some pastries for the whiny baby across from you. When she leaves it becomes awkward again, you are horrible at making conversation and it seems Sokka just doesn’t know what to say.

A few moments later the girl comes back with your tea and explains that the pastries will be out soon. You can hear Sokka’s stomach from across the table. You laugh and take a sip of your hot tea. You eyes light up tasting what probably is the best tea you’ve ever had. Your mind drifted to when Iroh use to make you tea, it tasted just like this. You would have to come back often. You offer Sokka a taste, he makes a grossed out face and holds his hands out like the tea will attack him. He exclaims that he doesn’t want leaf juice, he’s learned his lesson drinking plants after the cactus juice.

You laugh and it goes back to silences, but it wasn’t awkward this time it was more comfortable. It seems that you two have started to warm up to each other a little more. You look around the small shop and take it all in. As your gaze drifts across a wall with a dividing curtain, you figure it leads to the kitchen. You’re about to move your eyes away when a farmilar face shows up. Your eyes widen as you watch the boy who has tried to kill you multiple times, go up to your sweet sever with a plate of cookies in his hand. Your heart races unsure of what to do as the sever points to our table. Your eyes met and he freezes. You look at Sokka who seems to be lost in his own world and then back up at Zuko. You drop your tea cup and it lands on the table. Sokka jumps up as his pant leg gets covered in hot tea. You also jump up still staring at Zuko who now looks more surprised. Sokka starts to look back to see what is distracting you but you grab his shoulder and it knocks you out of your trace.

“Oh my, Sokka I am so sorry like me help you” you say stressed. You raise your hands to the tea soaked area of his pants and bend the liquid out of the fabric and back into the tea cup. You then reach into your pocket and pull out a gold piece and leave it on the table. “You know what I think I’m feeling pretty hungry now, should we go to that meat restaurant” you say practically pushing Sokka to the door. He’s eyes light up and he rushes out the door leaving you behind. You stand there for a second looking at the floor then slowly turn your head to face him. He looks like the boy you knew so long ago. The boy you use to play with as a kid. He was lost after Zuko was banished, but now you can see he’s starting to come back. You can feel his change. He stares at you surprised, not knowing why you did that. Your eyes are sad and hurt, and you can tell he’s full with the same emotions. You hear Sokka call you and you rush out the door.

When you get back to the house later that night you see Katara and Toph dolled up and it makes you smile. Your glad they had a good time, even if you weren’t there. You look over and see Aang half asleep and you go over to him. “Hey, how are you doing” you ask. He looks at you, “I still haven’t found him, and the dai li are making it so hard”. You sigh and rub his shoulder in comfort, “why don’t you take a break tomorrow and I’ll go out and look for him”. Aang just nods and lays down to sleep. You hear the rest of the group saying their good nights and heading off to bed. You do the same but sneak out instead of sleeping.

You rush to the tea shop, your heart racing just thinking about what happen earlier. The lights are still on when you get there, you debate on going through the front door or seeing if there’s a back. As you creep closer you hear voices and laughter. An older man’s voice carries through your ears and you immediately recognize it as Iroh. You slowly opened the door and see a small group of men Sitting and drinking tea. They stopped talking and turned to you, one of the guys you didn’t recognize kindly let you know they were closed but Iroh got up and stood parallel to you. “Y/n?” He said softly, “oh I’m so glad to see your okay”. He holds out his arms for a hug and you run into his embrace. He holds you for a minute and you realize how much you missed him. You think he’s the only good thing that came from the fire nation. He lets you go and turns to the table, “this is my old friend y/n” he has a big smile and is so proud to introduce you. You shyly wave and say hi, then you realize why your here and look around attentively. “He’s in the back, why don’t you go say hi” he motions for me to go towards the curtain. You hesitate but go as he tells you. You pull back the curtain and see the back of a tall boy with dark hair scrubbing dishes, something old Zuko would never even think about doing. “Do you need some more tea uncle” he asks while wiping his wet hands off. As he turns you take a step back out of instinct, when he sees you his face goes white. “You” is all he can muster out. “Me” you try to hide the emotion on your face. You’ve always seen good in zuko, even when you were helping him hunt down the avatar. He was just a scared boy who wanted something he thought was taken from him. He starts to walk to you and you back up til you hit the wall. His hands are reached out to you in a concerned manner but in your head you see the hands that burned you months before. All you can think of to do is run, so you ran. You ran all the way back to the house, when you get there you sit on the steps trying to catch your breath. You couldn’t stop thinking about the last time you were that close to him. You had gone against his command and protected the avatar. You let aang and his group get away while trying to talk down Zuko. But that didn’t work and he ended up shoot a fire shot straight at you. He’s different now, you can feel he’s different you just need to get over yourself. You go inside quietly as to not get caught and try to get some sleep.

The next day you search for appa and it ends with nothing. You’ve searched the whole city and you’re sure aang has searched it more than fifty times. Appa is no where to be found. You wander the streets for a little before going back to the house. You walk past the Jasmine dragon and see Iroh out front. He spots you before you can sneak by. You go up to him and you can see worry in his eyes. “Yesterday you ran off without saying goodbye” he says. You just nod ashamed. “I understand why you may feel uneasy with Zuko but I also understand that you’ve forgiven him, even if you haven’t said it out loud yet. He wasn’t the same after what happened, he misses you but he’ll never admit it, I can tell”. you don’t know what to say, you just let his words resinate with you. “Thank you” you say quietly, and then look at the door and see it start to open. “Uncle what’s taking you so-“ he starts before seeing you and freezing. You look at him, you stare into his soul to try to see if he’s truely changed but you can’t tell just from a look. “Will you meet me later?” You mumble to him, he nods and you leave to go back to the group. When you get back it’s already dark, you have to deliver the bad news about not finding Appa but no one really seems surprised. Soon after everyone goes to bed and you sneak out once again. You begin to walk to a fountain you found your first day adventuring the city. Zuko is already there, you watch as he messes with his fingers and fixes his hair. He’s just as nervous as you are and it makes you smile. You walk up to him, and sit down on the edge of the fountain. He looks down at you with big eyes, you softly pat the spot next to you. He sits down trying not to be to in your space. There’s a moment of silence that feels both awkward and comfortable. “I’m sorry for running last night, I- I don’t know why I did” you apologize. He looks alittle surprised, “why should you be sorry I should be the one apologizing” he takes a breath and then let’s it all out, “I am so sorry for what happened that night, I’m a fool and never wanted to hurt you, it’s haunted me every since”. You don’t say anything at first, just to give him a hard time. You reach and touch his hand, “that wasn’t you Zuko, that was the rage you’re father has filled you with” you hover your finger over his scare. “You were so clouded by fulfilling a destiny that isn’t yours, I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago” you raise his hands to your mouth and lay a light kiss on them.

He’s face lightens at the touch. “Thank you, I don’t deserve this” he says in a whisper. You just shake your head and look up at the stars. They’re so bright tonight and you see it as a sign. Suddenly rain starts pouring on the two of you, you laugh as Zuko pops up from his seat. “Let’s get under some cover”, he locks his fingers with yours and try’s to pull you under a near by roof. You don’t follow him and take both his hands. “why, let’s enjoy the beautiful storm” before he can say anything you run deep into the rain. “Do you remember those dances we learned in school” you ask eagerly. he nods, “good” you say with a smirk. You place your hands in the respected places and he does the same. You start to move, spin, and become in sync again. He isn’t the best dancer and steps on your feet a few times but you don’t mind. You laugh and he smiles, your eyes are glued together. He shifts his hands so that they are on the small of your back and you happen to be closer than you meant to. You’re eye contact breaks for the first time that night as you look at his soft lips. You lean up and kiss him. He’s taken aback for a second, but only for a second then he’s kissing you right back. He moves his hands to you face, cupping your cheeks and deepening the kiss. A widow opens in one of the near by houses and an old women yells out the window “get off my street you punks”. You both freeze and she goes back inside. You break and laugh, he takes your hand, “my apartment is close let’s go”.

When you get there you see a well decorated, clean little apartment. You see Iroh asleep, and quietly creep by into what you think is Zukos room. You’re both soaking wet. You bend the water out of your clothes, and go to bend his but he’s already taken off his shirt. You blush but dry off his pants. “it’s raining pretty hard out there” he say suddenly looking really awkward, “why don’t you stay the night”. He scratches the back of his head waiting for you to answer. You blush and a small smile grows on your lips as you respond, “I would love to”. He smiles and you both lay down in his bed. You drift off to sleep to the sound of the storm.

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#zuko x reader #zuko #avatar zuko #zuko fanart #zuko fanfic #fire lord zuko #zuko x oc #zuko alta #atla zuko #atla fanfic

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hughmunculus · 2 months

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Ranking Columbo's Top 5 Babygirls

By popular demand (context: nobody asked, I saw it in a dream) I've made a list of the men in Columbo you should absolutely draw in this pose. Please let it be known the presence of the babygirl does not necessarily mean the episode itself is good. Sometimes God gives its strongest babygirls its weirdest episodes.

Criteria for this was pretty obvious:

Are they absolutely sopping wet

Is there some odd sexual tension there

Would I let them hit it

5. Alex Brady (S8 Ep2: Murder, Smoke, and Shadows)

Photo credit: columboscreens.com

So 5 was a tough spot because I knew what my top 4 were going to be pretty handily, but this was going to be one that was lacking in one or the other criteria set out above. In the end, it was between the soaking wet Emmett Clayton (S2 Ep7, The Most Dangerous Match) and the unhinged Alex Brady. In the end, I judged it on the most sacred criteria: what that dick do. And there is no way Clayton's dick game is anything but awful, if its anything like his chess game.

Fisher Steven's character though is an insane, controlling chaos goblin that's fun to watch when he's winning and even more fun to watch while he's losing. Fortunately he loses, a Lot. Later seasons of Columbo can often feel less about the titular detective and much more about the murderers, but I'd argue in this case its for the best as we watch him completely unravel (and in one famous instance, hallunicate Columbo in a Ringmaster's outfit).

4. Joe Devlin (S7 Ep5: The Conspirators)

Photo credit: columboscreens.com

Who is this man smiling at? His wife, a lover perhaps? What about the detective that's going to bust his ass for murder and illegal firearms trading? Were it not for Clive Revill and Peter Falk's chemistry, this episode about a man funneling weapons to the IRA would be... Challenging. Instead he's just kind of a chill dude in over his head who, to quote Columbo Screens, "wants to fuck Columbo so bad it makes them look stupid".

That being said, he most certainly corners the market on being a sad little man when trying to get ahold of those guns. His initial encounter with the RV Salesman easily tops my "most pathetic Columbo villain moments" as he struggles to find innuendo for guns while the RV Salesman politely tries to turn him down like a thirsty dude at a bar.

3. Dale Kingston (S1 Ep4: Suitable for Framing)

Photo credit: Columbophile.com

What he lacks in obvious chemistry with Columbo he makes up in wearing a frilly, crushed velvet suit and being just so extremely gay. Ross Martin's performance as the murderer and art critic is a powerhouse in a likewise tightly written episode. When he's not begging Columbo to leave him alone in the most sopping-wet manner possible he's making snide, catty comments about the art world. I wouldn't be surprised if Joel Cairo was a touchstone for his performance.

I would also be negligent to not say that when he's finally caught his lower lip literally fucking trembles. That final scene is so goddamn good though I won't link it, so go watch the whole episode for yourself.

2. Roger Stanford (S1 Ep6: Short Fuse)

Photo credit: columboscreens.com

Let it be known I had to fight the temptation hard to not just use the Roddy MacDowell cock photo. It would've been so fucking easy man. But I think this photo better captures the impish, effervescent performance he gives as the chemical company heir. He spends so much of this episode capering about, pulling pranks, wearing pants so tight you can see the outline of his co-

ANYWAY he isn't super soaking wet in the beginning, but through the episode you watch him slowly becoming more and more frazzled, more exasperated, more testy until it finally culminates in an explosive (pun intentional) final gotcha by Columbo. Watching Roddy MacDowell completely break down into a fit of laughter, putting his scholarship chain around Columbo's neck and affectionately patting his cheeks, you can't help but be awestruck by its weirdness, its patheticness, and how it's kinda... y'know...

1. Ward Fowler (S6 Ep1: Fade Into Murder)

Image credit: columbophile.com

Maybe this is a controversial top pick, but hear me out: never has a Columbo villain been so pathetic, so attractive, and so obviously into Columbo before. William Shatner plays a man playing a TV detective against a man playing a real detective, and the way he decides to do that is by having Ward be absolutely captivated by Columbo.

Ward is so desperate to get Columbo's approval, often trying to relate his real life experiences to the tropes he's played on TV as Detective Lucerne. Getting away with the murder of his blackmailing wife feels like a distant second of just getting Columbo to like him.

It all culminates with Ward filming Columbo with one of their TV camera, the latter unable to even get a single line out without dissolving into giggles. Afterwards they review the footage filmed while - dare I say it - CUDDLING on the couch???? Apparently Shatner and Falk actually hit it off immediately on set, which must speak to Falk's magnetic personality more than anything else.

This is the only performance I can describe on Columbo as "cute". Shatner schoolboy cruch on Columbo is so cute (and simultaneously so sad considering you know, the murder) that it feels unfair to not give him the top spot.

Anyway, all the credit to the Columbophile Blog for inspiring me to write this post, and to Columbo Screens for the gorgeous screenshots and being the de facto Columbo authority on Tumblr.

#columbo #peter falk #detective columbo #I kinda want to do more lists like this lol

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heartbreakattheclub · 1 year

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lucifer goes to walmart (not ducking mcdonalds)

i was looking at my old edits and like so i saw this

lucifer in walmart lets go. (this is in the devildom on lockdown series)

and then i also took a moment to question younger me. *sigh*

Lucifer: Why does absolutely no store here in the Devildom sell food...

(Earlier)

Beelzebub: I'm so fucking hungry.

Beelzebub: *Looks at Mammon*

Mammon: I miss shopping fuck covid--

Mammon: *Looks at Beelzebub*

Beelzebub:

Mammon:

(Back to present)

Lucifer: Oh well...I wonder if the human world has anything.

(So Lucifer decided to go to Walmart. No idea why but...it's walmart.)

Lucifer: Hm. It's pretty packed here—

Solomon: Indeed.

Lucifer: What on- why are you here, Solomon?

Solomon: Purgatory hall needs more detergant. We also need a carpet cleaner, so I'm getting a rugdoctor.

Lucifer: *envisioning Raphael struggling with measuring detergant out*

Lucifer: I wonder why.

Solomon: Are you here because of the food crisis?

Lucifer: ...Yes. I also forgot to get toilet paper back in the Devildom

Solomon: Oh...did you? Well-Actually you will figure it out yourself. Have fun Lucifer.

Lucifer:

Lucifer: Okay...

(Lucifer found himself in the produce aisle but forgot the #1 rule shopping in walmart)

Lucifer: Is that...mold? On...the fruit?

Random Lady: Yeah. Don't you know the #1 rule?

Lucifer: No. What's that?

Random Lady: Don't buy Walmart produce.

Lucifer: *Dropping the apple he was gonna sample* Noted.

(Now Lucifer was in that chaotic section where the baby clothes and cleaning products is)

Lucifer: Hmm...I should buy Luke some clothes. *Picks up a shirt that says "Im 100% woof"* I hope Simeon appreciates this. Dealing with children is tiresome.

(Just as Lucifer reached out to pick up another one of those stupid baby clothes with dumbass quotes he felt something cold)

Lucifer: WHAT THE FUCK-

Beelzebub: Can you get these corn dogs. *Holding a huge ass box of those foster farm corndogs*

Lucifer: What? No. How'd you find me?

Beelzebub: MC installed this... "Find my dog" app...? I guess they forgot to uninstall it from my D.D.D.

Lucifer: WHAAAAAT?!!?!

Mammon: Hey hey, Lucifer this old dude on this medicine looks exactly like you!

Lucifer: *Snatches medicine box* What the-this is a medicine for elderly people having episodes...?!?!

Mammon: Ya kinda need it if you had a mirror to look at yourself with!

Lucifer: Why you...

Beelzebub: Okay okay I'll put the corn dogs and medicine away as long as we get those little peanut butter and jelly pies MC gave me last year.

Lucifer: Fine. We just need toilet paper and then we're out of here.

Mammon: Aight! Then we can go to that Versace store I saw!

Lucifer: No. We are not buying you anything that expensive. You can ask for one thing under ten dollars here in Walmart.

Lucifer:

Lucifer: How about you and Luke match—

Mammon: NO WAY! I want some studs.

Lucifer: You don't even have a piercing.

Mammon: I'll get one in the Devildom.

Lucifer:

Lucifer: I'm not helping you if you end up cursed.

Mammon: Yeah yeah.

Karen: Uhm excuse me sir (Mammon) you don't have a mask on.

Beelzebub: You don't have one on either.

Karen: That doesn't matter because I own this walmart.

Lucifer: Since when.

Karen: Since now.

Lucifer: ...Beelzebub did you see where the toilet paper is?

Karen: EXCUSE ME I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Mammon: Shudduuuppp it's not like an employee came up and said: put a mask on.

Beelzebub: You should probably put one on anyways, you got covid those few months ago remember?

Karen: COVID?! *sprays lysol in the air* Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Face.

Beelzebub: You could literally just walk away, lady...

Employee: Hey sir put a mask on please.

(Anyways their at the aisle for toilet paper)

Mammon: Why the fuck do people need to shit so much they buy all the goddamn toilet paper?!

Beelzebub: Because they get corn dogs while I don't

Lucifer: There has to be some toilet paper somewhere...

Mammon: Lucifer they don't even got paper towels lets just get some from the Devildom!

Lucifer: No. We are getting Charmin.

Mammon: Cause it's soft on your butt and Diavolo says-

Lucifer: Q u i e t.

Mammon: *was magically shut the fuck up* MMM MM!

Lucifer: Beel go look for toilet paper.

Beelzebub: Okay Lucifer.

Lucifer: Mammon you'll be--What are you doing.

(Mammon literally just wearing the mask the employee gave him over his eyes and mouth.)

Mammon: You know you could get sick through your eyes too.

Lucifer: You could have just asked for a face visor.

Mammon: Those exist?

Lucifer: Anyways. climb up onto that top shelf and look.

Mammon: They have angel soft.

Lucifer: It's not the same as charmin.

Random kid: Hey mr with red eyes.

Lucifer: Yes?

Random kid: I think theres a charmin on top of the bike display area.

Lucifer: WHAT?! *He looks to his left and sees the little kids bike display thing have one pack of charmin on top of there because this is florida walmart*

(Lucifer immediately rushed over to the bike stand display thing and as he entered into the isle so did a familiar face)

Thirteen: Oh, why hey there Lucifer, fancy seeing you here in Florida!

Lucifer: Mhm...yes. Are you after what I think you are?

Thirteen: *looks up at the charmin toilet paper then back at Lucifer* Wouldn't you like to know.

Lucifer: Why do I have this feeling you put it up there.

Thirteen: For some lucky soul to try and burn the extra fat off them but hey this should be a breeze for you!

(Mephistopheles soon came slowly staggering to the isle, out of breath)

Mephistopheles: Th...Stop...no more--traps! *he clutches his chest as he widens at the toilet paper on top of the bike thing*

Mephistopheles: ARE YOU INSANE?! ALL THIS FOR TOILET PAPER!

Lucifer: M-Mephisto...WHY DO YOU WANT CHARMIN!

Thirteen: Gentlemen gentlemen...calm down. Seeing that you are equally matched-

Both: WE ARE NOT EQUALLY MATCHED!

Thirteen: How about you fight for it?

Mephistophles: I will delightfully beat Lucifer's angelic ass!

Lucifer: That's so fucking corny.

Mephistopheles: Your so fucking annoying.

Thirteen: There are children watching you two.

(some colony of children are there cause this is florida)

Mephistopheles: I mean. He's...irritating.

Lucifer: I don't take anything back.

Kid 1: Fucking.

Kid 2: Irritating.

Lucifer: Now I do.

Thirteen: Anyways, we will do a series of events to see whos worthy of the charmin!

Lucifer: Is that really necessa-

Mephistopheles: Too late to back out now Lucifer, unless your saying Diavolo isn't good enough hm?

Lucifer: When did this turn into that sort of issue again?

Mephistopheles: ITS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT DIAVOLO, ANGEL!

(Meanwhile in the Devildom)

[Diavolo and Barbatos are at his private beach sunbathing when Dia sits up on his beach chair.]

Diavolo: Why do I have this feeling something exciting is happening without me there to spectate...!

Barbatos: I'm not sure, m'lord. Would you like it if we went to check up on Lucifer's trip to the human world?

Diavolo: And I thought all that popcorn I had bought those few days ago was going to go to waste just monitoring the demon brothers on our "Doom" meetings.

Barbatos: *Opens portal* Let us leave at once, m'lord

**And thats how they died/j there will be a part 2 soon or something ig

#nxhmir.obeyme #nxhmir.devildomonlockdown #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me thirteen #obey me mephistopheles

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incorrectshantaequotes · 1 year

Text

New Years Preview

Hello everyone! So, 2022 was quite eventful huh? Unfortunately, I...didn't really have much to add to the major holidays, so aside from the usual daily quotes and the odd headcanon here and there, it's been relatively quiet on my end.

But! 2023 should, ideally, change that! We'll see how it actually goes as this new year goes underway, but in the meantime, here's a preview of a fic I plan to have done by Valentine's Day!

Which, appropriately enough, revolves around Rottytops playing matchmaker...though as to how successful she is? Well, you'll have to see!

~~~

I really need to break out the Fillin outfit more, Rottytops idly mused to herself, watching outside with her pair of binoculars.

Was it really necessary? No, not really - she didn't really have any benefit to pretending to be a half-genie anywhere, and at least in Scuttle Town, most of the townpeople had seen her around enough times to instantly see through the disguise. Was it practical? Again, no, her usual outfit took far less time to throw together. Sure, she could just instantly change into it via magic...but where would be the fun in that? So, no, she didn't really have much reason to bring it out again.

Rotty did have to admit the outfit made a nice change of pace, though, sitting here in it. It was one of her more elaborate designs, so there was that sense of self-accomplishment there, the fabric was rather soft, so it was fairly comfortable, the sleeves and pants were light and airy by design, and the ponytail...well. She didn't usually experiment with different hairstyles, but the ponytail...

Running her hand through it, Rottytops put down her binoculars, taking a moment to think. After a short pause, she shot a glance behind herself. "Hey, Snackcakes - should I grow out my hair?"

"Huh?" "Snackcakes," better known as Shantae, looked up to meet Rottytops' gaze, raising an eyebrow in confusion. In contrast to the zombie's elaborate outfit, she'd opted for her pajamas. A bit more fitting, considering how they were hosting a sleepover. "What brought this on?"

"Eh, you know," Rottytops shrugged, turning away to resume peering through her binoculars. "Idle thoughts."

"I mean...I don't mind either way, but don't you prefer short hair?" Shantae pointed out, shifting her position on the pile of pillows she was currently lying on.

"I do! Short hair's definitely more my thing, I think. It's just..." The zombie couldn't help but wistfully smile, fully turning her attention back to Shantae as she put the binoculars down. "All I can think about is us matching hairstyles...you showing me how to wash it...giving me a cute little braid..."

Rottytops turned her body over and crawled over on her knees to get closer, eyes glinting and her smile making a slight turn into a grin as she put her hand into the half-genie's mass of purple hair and ran it down. "Just running your hands through my hair alllllllll day long..."

"...oh." Shantae promptly flushed, both face and ears turning a very interesting shade of crimson, before quickly shaking her head to regain her composure. Somewhat, anyway. "W-well, that sounds very nice and all, but you do realize that would be a very big commitment, right? Seriously, you don't know how many bottles of shampoo I have to go through just to keep my hair like this through all the adventures we've been on...and-"

The half-genie paused, her mind caught on something. "Can zombies even grow hair?"

"That..." Rottytops had to look down, finger tapping her chin as she considered. "...huh. That is a very good question, and one I do not know the answer to. I mean, if you were born a zombie, probably, but I wasn't, so how does that...? Eh, there's probably some way to make it happen."

"Well, whatever the case-" Shantae was promptly interrupted by a knocking, causing her ears to perk up as she looked over Rottytops' shoulder. "Oh! I think they just showed up! Rotty, if you could-"

"Got it," The zombie nodded, moving over to the side and gesturing to the window.

"Thank you," Shantae sighed with a smile, before heading over to the window herself, unlocking it, and poking her head out to the evening air. "COME ON IN!"

With that invitation given, Shantae closed the window and pulled back to her pillows, looking up at Rottytops and patting one of them on the side. "Do you wanna...?"

"Mmmmm, maybe later," Rottytops turned away, picking up her binoculars. "Cuddling is nice and all, but if the party's shown up, I gotta shift into full scheming mode. You know how it is, right?"

"Riiiiight..." Shantae narrowed her eyes, lips curled in a slight frown. "You still haven't told me what that's about."

"Ah, don't worry! You'll find out with everyone else, so just relax, will ya?" Rottytops laid back with a wave of her hand, a small chuckle escaping her as she resumed watching through the binoculars.

"Well, that isn't foreboding at all," Shantae muttered as she pressed her fingers to her forehead, already well-acquainted with her girlfriend's schemes, and as such already fully skeptical of how this one would turn out. Her mood was quick to perk up, however, when her first guest stepped into the room, and she turned to greet her with a smile. "Harmony!"

"Hello, Shantae!" The older half-genie waved, giving a smile to the younger. She was currently wearing a more casual version of her regular outfit - something simple that covered more skin, with the only bit of metal on her being her ponytail. "I must say, it's nice to be able to visit. How far are you in the scrapbook, by the way?"

"Page 73!" Shantae answered proudly, before her grin promptly turned sheepish. "I, uh, was kinda hoping to be further along by this point, honestly, but it's a big book, and...you know how busy life as a Guardian Genie gets, right?"

"Of course," Harmony nodded in sympathy, before shifting her eyes to look over Shantae's shoulder. "And I see Rottytops is doing well."

"'Sup?" Rottytops waved, not even sparing a glance as she stared through her binoculars.

Before Harmony had a chance to respond, another voice came from behind.

"Half-Genie Festival reunion, huh?" Stepping out from the door came Zapple, also dressed more casually than her usual armored get up - this time, in a simple red and gold bodysuit similar to fencer's gear. "Is that what we're doing here, Rottytops? Or should I say...Genue N. Jeanie?"

That was enough to give Shantae a moment of pause, before turning to give her girlfriend a flat stare. "Really?"

"Hey, I was under duress and didn't have time to think of a better one! I think we can all agree my naming chops weren't up to par during the Siren Island thing, alright?" Rottytops argued, finally putting down her binoculars as she went.

"No kidding," Came a snort from Vera. She'd come in at the same time as Zapple, opting to switch out her traditional Tree Town garb for a floral-patterned shirt and a simple skirt. "What was the one you used for me again? Toobi Ornot-Tubee?"

"Heyyyyyyyy..." Rottytops pouted, stubbornly ignoring how Shantae giggled. "Not in front of her, you guys! Besides, THAT ONE was good. Instant classic, I think. Complete ten out of ten."

"Man, what did you even use for Plink?" Shantae asked, eyes twinkling as she teased. "'Yoranem Here,' or something?"

The talkative zombie, for once, clamped her mouth shut, shooting her eyes away from the half-genie. Shantae's mirth gradually shifted to disbelief as the seconds passed on.

"...you're kidding," Shantae pressed, eyes wide. "You're kidding, right?"

"...like I said, I was under durress-"

"I'm here!" Thankfully for Rottytops, she got a prime interruption in the form of the half-genie relevant to the conversation barging in. She was dressed in her usual get-up, surprisingly, with her pajamas carried underarm as she took a few moments to recover from her exertion. "I'm here, I'm here...sorry I'm late, I..."

Plink, now fully taking in the group, let her words trail off, looking between the half-genies (and zombie). "...am I late?"

"We haven't started anything yet, so I wouldn't say so, no," Harmony shook her head, bemused.

"Oh! Good, good..." Plink sighed in relief, plopping herself down next to Vera. "I was worried that I wouldn't make it when I got held up."

"Held up by what, exactly?" Shantae queried, tilting her head curiously.

"Well, uh...your mayor kinda thought his attic was haunted?" Plink scratched her head sheepishly. "It was actually some creaky floorboards, but he didn't believe me when I told him that, so I had to fake an spiritual communion to get him to let me go. He only gave me fifty gems on top of that..."

"That sounds like Mayor Scuttlebutt, alright," Shantae groaned in clear sympathy, patting the other half-genie on the shoulder before leaning back and looking over the entire group. "...so, with you here, that's everyone, yeah? We got everyone?"

After a quick chorus of confirmation, Shantae turned towards Rottytops. "Do you want me to kill the lights for dramatic effect?"

"You know me so well," Rottytops remarked with a toothy grin, and with that, the half-genie of Scuttle Town reached over and flicked off the lights, plunging them in darkness. Not a second later, the beam of a flashlight cut through, highlighting Rottytops' face.

"Esteemed ladies," Rottytops rolled, her voice taking on a more dramatic flair as she looked over the assembled group. "I assume you're wondering why I gathered you all here..."

Slowly, Plink raised a hand, blinking in confusion. "...to...have a sleepover?"

"Well, yes, we're doing that, BUT! That's not the only thing," Rottytops informed, finger pointing up as her grin turned mischevious. "No, this is a matter of grave importance.

"As you know, Snackcakes and I are officially dating now-" Rottytops paused suddenly, dramatics wiped away for a moment as she looked out to the crowd. "You did know that, right? I remembered to send you those letters?"

"Well, I did hear about it from Shantae," Harmony idly remarked, a rare smirk coming up as she looked at the zombie. "Who was quite estatic about the whole ordeal, might I add! I don't recall recieving a letter from you, though."

"I caught on just from watching you two, but didn't really want to say anything?" Plink admitted, fiddling with her fingers.

"Well, I didn't," Vera shrugged, giving a thumbs up. "Happy for you two, though!"

"...you weren't dating before?" Zapple asked, clearly befuddled.

"Ah. Alright. Note to self - use sticky notes next time," Rottytops muttered, before shaking her head and regaining her composure. "Well! As some of you knew, Snackcakes and I are officially dating now, but there's one little thing that has yet to be addressed, and that would be...ah, Shantae, could you turn on the lights real quick?"

With a quick nod, the half-genie obliged, earning a grateful thumbs-up from the zombie in turn. She then turned her attention to the window once more, binoculars laser-focused as she scanned the town, before promptly lighting up with an, "Aha! Vera, come over here."

Raising an eyebrow, Vera cautiously stood up and walked over, taking the binoculars at the zombie's behest. "Look over there, and what do you see?"

"Okay, I see..." Vera trailed off for a moment, holding the binoculars close as she scrutinized the area before spotting what she was meant to see. "Oh! That's Bolo, isn't it? Looks like he's shooting his shot with a girl, and...ouch. Rejected, looks like."

The refresh magic specialist put down the binoculars, face twisted in an uncomfortable grimace. "Man, I remember seeing him doing that at the half-genie festival, too. I kinda feel bad, you know? Like, if you actually talk to him, he's a nice guy, it just feels like he took all his advice on romance from the wrong crowd."

"You said it," Zapple nodded, firmly in agreement. "Did you know he managed to give me some helpful tips with blacksmithing? Me. The Half-Genie of Armor Town. And he wasn't even condescending about it, he just pointed it out. How he hasn't applied that sort of thing to his flirting game is beyond me."

"Okay, cool, glad we're all on the same page here," Rottytops nodded, before grabbing the binoculars from Vera and adjusting them, searching a different area of Scuttle Town before nodding. "Okay, Plink this time. What do you see?"

"Uh...let me look real quick..." Plink scooted over, gently holding the binoculars before peering through their lenses. "That's...Sky? Yeah, that's Sky, sitting at a table. She seems really stressed about something."

"Which is the result of multiple things, but! I assure you that at least one of them is romance, because, no offense to Sky," Rottytops started, now on a roll as her monologue continued. "But her dating history? Kinda sucks!"

"You can mean some offense, I think," Shantae muttered, a bit of irritation bleeding into her voice. "Still think she should've done more about Armor Baron..."

"To be fair, even without the influence of his brother, Armor Baron surely had some kind of magical artifact somewhere on the island," Harmony patted the younger half-genie on the shoulder. "It's probably for the best that she let him be."

Then, she frowned, a slight bit of concern on her face as she looked up. "That being said...where are you going with this?"

"What, isn't it obvious?" Rottytops remarked. "He wants romance. She wants romance. And yet, somehow, despite all odds, neither of them ever once thought about looking at the person right next to them! It's maddening, is what it is! So, ladies, what I have gathered you here today to do, is to discuss..."

The zombie then zipped over to Shantae's closet, and with a dramatic flourish, slammed it open to reveal a chalkboard that she promptly rolled out. "Operation 'Get These Two To Get Over Themselves Already'!"

#shantae #not a quote #long post #new years #fic

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amazing-spiderling · 3 months

Note

for the fandom ask game: 5 6 11 16 23 24

something you see in fics a lot and love

I really love seeing Foggy sort of leap-frogging over his panic and anger and confusion in moments of crisis to get right to the part where he works on being helpful. That, "We are going to fight about this later, but right now I need to stop that bleeding" sort of thing. Foggy is absolutely allowed to have emotions and fall apart in a crisis, but he has a good head on his shoulders and certainly after a certain point he's had to learn to compartmentalize just to survive being in Matt's life. I think it's comforting to imagine having a friend or partner like that- I guess it speaks to the idea of there always being an undercurrent of love. No matter what else is going on in the moment, no matter how furious or scared or worried the events taking place right now make them, they do not supplant the love that is at the basis of the relationship. I just think that's neat.

something you see in art a lot and love

When artists really have fun with the clothing, paying attention to details and making things really specific. When someone really pays attention to drawing a certain kind of shoe- I'm just... yeah, that's the good stuff. :)

if you’re a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

Well, I'm a little bit of both- but I guess a fic sprang to mind first so I'll answer for that. (tw for fictional CSA mention btw) So, as I've not-so-casually mentioned, one of my first big/long term fandoms was Metal Gear Solid. And I know that some of the memes from that series have escaped containment, and to the outsiders it might look like "Call of Duty but with the occasional zany moment" but it does have a lot of story (too much, some might say XD) and intricate character relationships and lore and, ugh it's just SUCH fertile ground for art and fic and all the things that make fandom great. But, it *does* also very much appeal to gamer dudes of the usual type. And normally this is fine, the transformative fans and the archival fans largely keep to their own fandom spaces- but sometimes there is crossover that rubs one group or the other the wrong way.

One such case is that there is a character who has an "affair" with his step-mother, but I put that in quotes because when the dust settles, it turns out this happened when the character in question was 16. There is TERRIBLE fallout from the event (family trauma, suicide, estrangement) and the game plays it all straight- this is something that broke the already fragile family to pieces. BUT for a long time, the joke was "haha character banged his stepmom". Which. Ew.

Anyways, I always really wanted to write a story that sort of expanded on those events, not the actual relationship/abuse/fallout, but more the events that precluded it, mostly what made the character an easy target. (Isolation, otherness, a lack of confidence in who they were as an individual). Basically, I wanted to really tell a story that treated the matter with the needed level of seriousness, if only to say, "hey, this isn't a punchline, this is a traumatic experience".

I ended up watching, "The Graduate" a few times as sort of... research? Partially for tone, partially because the themes and characterization in that movie matched the vibe I was trying to go for in my own story. (I can't help but think that Kojima, known for referencing movies in his games- might have had it in mind due to some shared imagery.) This was maybe the first time I did something like that, watching a movie to pick it apart for nuance in tone, as opposed to looking at it for canon events, timelines etc.

So that story ended up being, "Surface Tension", which first appeared in the "Metal Gear Solid: Lost Years" zine, and then eventually got posted to AO3. It's not my best reviewed fic by a long shot (understandably, it's a difficult subject material and not shippy or anything), but it's one that I can say I am proud of.

a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

Wow, this one is tricky for me- I feel like a lot of fans are way more detail oriented than I am when it comes to canon. I'm always the one in awe when people are like, "Oh in episode seven, this one song is playing in a car as it drives by, and that's significant because it came out in 2013 and that was the year that..." and i'm just like "you guys know the names of songs?"

I guess to that end- I always liked the line in, I think it's season 1 where Matt says it's a "90's Top 40" kind of guy. I think it's really funny because people characterize him as having... well, let's just say "better" musical taste, but like, no. That dude would bop his head if you played the Spin Doctors.

the fandom you’re curious about because of a mutual

I have no idea what's going on in the Trolls fandom, and at this point I'm afraid to ask. But they all look like they're having a great time.

how has fandom positively impacted your life?

I've made so many friends, and as someone who doesn't get out as much as I'd like (especially as an immunocompromised person in the middle of a pandemic), my fandom friends are so, so important to me. I love the feeling of having a group of people who love the thing I love and being able to waltz into a space and say, "Hey, who wants to do this crazy thing with me?" and have even a few people say "Yeah, let's fucking GOOOO". ^^

I also think I wouldn't write nearly as much if it wasn't for fandom, and writing has certainly gone a long way towards helping me become better at unraveling the balls of yarn in my brain and making them into sweaters and scarves, as it were. I think a lot of the time when you write, you're practicing empathy- because you're forcing yourself to see the world from someone else's perspective. Maybe the character you're writing about had something in common with you, maybe that's what drew you to them in the first place, but identifying that also helps you understand more about yourself *and* how you relate to others. So I like to think that writing has helped me relate better to other people, even the ones I disagree with, and made me more able to slow down and ask, "well, why does this person feel/think that way?" Storytelling is so important for a lot of reasons, but that's a big one for me.

#thank you for the ask #i got wordy oops

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awlwren-writes · 1 year

Note

3, 4, 17, 18, 21, 30 for the behind the scenes ask

3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

I mainly write from start to finish for a particular story or chapter. Sometimes I will move scenes around, of course, or realize I actually want to start sooner and go back to fill things in, but usually I just go and hope the words keep coming.

That said, if I write a series or collection of themed posts, often I write the middle/second one first. This is often something I accidentally do with reading series as well, so maybe that says something about me.

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

Already answered!

17. What fic are you most proud of?

Technically already answered but I'm going to answer again, because choosing one favorite is the worst. The fic I (at this moment, it will probably change with the wind) think is the best out of what I've written might be Over Your Hill. I got to explore a headcanon I like, I got to delve a little more into what their relationship looked like in the early stages (useful for Those Who Wander) and I enjoyed the comfort part. And when I reread it recently I liked it a lot! Which was a very pleasant surprise.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Again with the choosing! You get my commentary anyway in the end notes most of the time because I can't shut up. ^_^

Okay. I'm proud of how I matched up Cor's assault on the dropship in Heaven in a Rage to what Nyx heard in WWFL's chapter, Eternity in an Hour. At that point, the way we were writing is we would talk about the general scheme of things, broad strokes, background info, etc, and then she would write the chapter and then I would write mine as an alternate perspective on the framework she built, and sometimes then we would adjust minor things if I thought of something cool and we had time. But half the fun was fitting my story around hers.

Spoilers here for the climax of the first arc of Smoke and Mirrors, in case anyone wants to read it and enjoy the Drama unspoiled. Plus, it got really long (Long enough to crash Tumblr's Editor, apparently, T_T, so this is the rewritten commentary), so I'm putting it under a cut.

So for Nyx's actual rescue, she gave me: a loud bang and shouting, Nyx hits the wall, someone yelling "(get us out) of here, Drautos", clashes of metal, a roar, Nyx thrown across the ship, then Cor is there talking to him. (I never actually questioned that any of this could be a hallucination, btw, I treated it as a strict guideline. Which maybe made this harder than it should have been. I also have wondered a lot why people in the comments doubted it was Cor that Nyx heard, and just now noticed WWFL's very Evil end note asking if people think it's actually Cor or someone else. Sorry for questioning you all for nearly a year.)

Okay.

This is full on half the fic, so you're getting the highlights, not the whole thing quoted.

The hatch was closing as the ‘ship lifted off, leaving Cor a smaller and smaller window to get on board. He was confident he could cut through the hatch, but he was less confident that the blow would stop there and he couldn’t risk that Nyx was on the other side. Thankfully, the fact that this was an older model was helpful in that the hatch was on the side rather than the front. If he got the right angle… Cor darted up close to the ‘ship, thankful the strange magitek engine didn’t actually give off heat despite its color, and slashed at the hatch from the side. It dropped off the ‘ship entirely, and the ‘ship lurched, off balance from the sudden loss of weight. A soldier fell out of the opening, screaming.

Cor was originally just going to jump on the hatch and prevent it from closing, and then I realized the hatch opens up not down, and he would be squished if he tried. And then, like Cor, I wondered about just cutting it open, and discarded it for similar reasons. But it wasn't speculation in vain, because I could give that train of thought to Cor so he wouldn't instantly have the right answer without trying!

And so we have Cor making himself a permanent entrance, which will come in handy later as well as be a problem later, and we have the bang and a Wilhelm scream, because I am a Star Wars nerd and couldn't resist, and the jolt that knocks Nyx out. It also made my next steps easier, because Cor could kill the pilot mooks quickly without one having to survive long enough to scream, or Nyx to have missed the noise of the fighting.

Through this whole fic, in Cor's perspective the word ship always has an apostrophe in front of it indicating it's an abbreviation for Dropship or Airship, kind of like early writers did for 'droid (See, I told you Star Wars was formative). This is because he's just less familiar with the terminology and the technology itself; when he thinks "ship" (without the apostrophe) he's thinking of a water craft. Drautos doesn't have that problem in his POV chapters, because he has spent a lot of time talking about them with the people who designed them and use them every day.

Moving on. To summarize the next part: Cor gets to demonstrate his skills by mowing some soldiers and techs, gets to see Nyx is alive and ties him down so he doesn't slide out of the plane like the screaming soldier did, and then the copilot tries to attack Cor in a blind panic at having the Immortal in her ship. Cor kills her, and as she dies she squeezes the trigger and sprays the pilot, killing them.

The ‘ship started to dive as the pilot fell forward onto the console.

Cursing this whole day to fall into the depths of Leviathan’s mysteries to never be remembered again, Cor charged across to the front of the ‘ship as fast as he could on his bad leg, pulling the pilot back and grabbing the white joystick underneath them. It reminded him of playing video games with Regis as a teen, but he pushed that memory away and pulled up on the joystick, hoping to level them out at the very least. He had no idea how to land this thing.

I really enjoy fantasy swears, because I love the worldbuilding behind what makes something vulgar or taboo. A culture that is sex positive might not use "fuck" as a curse, for instance. One without a concept of Hell might instead think of the very creepy depths of the Ocean and how jealously Leviathan guards what is hers, and consider that whatever falls to the ocean floor is more lost than lost, and you get a concept halfway between Davy Jones' Locker and Hell.

Does anyone else remember playing computer games with joysticks? Am I just old? Cor is older, so he gets the experience as well.

The ‘ship did seem to level out, but it also turned back in a wide circle toward the courtyard and the machine guns on the other craft. He tried to straighten it out but the ‘ship wobbled alarmingly and he hastily adjusted his direction back to the way it had been. Hopefully Drautos had taken the other ‘ship out by now.

Actually, as the commander of the Niflheim army, Glauca probably knew how to fly this thing. Hadn’t the glaive captured one once, too? It wasn’t important. He tried to hold the joystick steady and tapped his radio. “Drautos, come in. I need you to tell me how to get this scourge-riddled spawn of a tortoise and a garula landed!”

Here I shamelessly shoehorn my HCs into this fic. The first is that Cor joined the Retinue as a driver, and prides himself on this skill. That makes the inability to instantly be able to pilot a foreign craft on his first time very galling to him personally. The second is that the reason Nyx can do so in the movie is because of said captured craft, which was slotted for an infiltration mission for the Glaive and so the Guard didn't get to play with it. This is how the Traitor Glaives know how to pilot them as well, and might explain how they got the rare pilot-able model during the battle at the airships in the movie.

Cor's lack of ability to fly the ship also allowed me to do two things which made my job easier. First, it gave him a reason to call Drautos, whom he might otherwise be inclined to leave behind just to not risk Nyx further. Yes, it would be great to not have Drautos/Glauca (and I had fun playing with Cor not knowing which name to call him by) running free with all his information, but Cor was hurt and protecting Nyx, and fighting to capture or kill Glauca when he was cornered like this wasn't an acceptable risk if he could avoid it. Second, it allowed him to come back close enough to base that Drautos didn't have to chase down an airship on foot.

There was static over the line, likely interference from the base itself, but no answer. He tried again. “Drautos! I need to get this flying box on the ground or at least last long enough to get it out of here, Drautos!”

And we finally have the line Nyx hears! I changed the first part of it from what WWFL was probably thinking of, but it still fit what Nyx heard, so I was grinned and moved on.

Drautos, by the way, hears none of this, between the metal box Cor is in and the metal boxes and buildings he is in, and probably whatever jamming the base has set up. And because he knows Cor is ridiculously competent at too many things and because Drautos himself knows how to pilot and so sometimes underestimates how difficult it is (as do we all with things we know well), he takes Cor's bad driving as intentional, probably wanting additional backup in case things go wrong.

[Cor circles back around, gets fired on, and then...]

A massive clang resonated through the craft as Cor struggled with the controls, and the ‘ship shuddered from the impact. Cor craned his neck to peer below them at the courtyard, trying to see what had hit them, if someone had managed to bring larger weaponry into the fight, but he needed most of his attention to keep the craft in midair. He risked a quick glance back at the interior of the ‘ship to see if he could see any obvious damage, but his view was blocked by the still partially-melted form of General Glauca.

The big clang is Glauca and his metallic armor hitting the metallic dropship! Yay! The other clangs Nyx hears as he wakes up are the bullets hitting the ship.

I figured this made more sense than having anyone who could cross swords with Cor showing up at this point, which is where my mind first went when I heard "clashes of metal". I think this was also the point I realized my first draft of this rescue (which involved a lot more fighting on the airship) wasn't going to work, scrapped it, and started the one you see here.

Poor Cor. Under fire, can't control the ship, thinks he's been hit by a missile and then sees his traditional enemy Glauca. It's probably for the best that he has both hands full or he might have attacked him. Which is why he, in the next paragraph, is very insistent on reminding himself that he's a sort-of ally and calling him:

“Drautos!” he exclaimed, then wrenched his attention back to the instrument panel to stabilize the ‘ship as it swayed again. Blast it into ions, he was better than this. He could hold a car steady on the road while he tracked daemons’ paths through the countryside around him if he so wanted, but the controls on this vehicle were touchier than a car wheel.

Glauca’s armored gauntlet settled on his shoulder as Cor frantically worked at the controls, then he leaned over and pressed a combination of buttons in the center of the console. Cor could read Nifltunga, but these were labelled in some bewildering combination of abbreviations and acronyms and so he had been ignoring them, figuring it was better to work without them then press something wrong. Whatever Drautos did, it stabilized the ‘ship and caused the whine of the engine to roar with sudden burst of speed, which Cor frantically tried to direct up and away from the base and the courtyard full of enemies.

And now we have the roar and the second jolt! (RIP to Nyx's brain. Blame WWFL, not me) I leaned into the ambiguity of the word roar and made it the engine roaring as Drautos switches it to GTFO mode rather than, say, our lion-associated POV character because of the same thoughts about the lack of plausible enemies at this point.

Yes, Nyx was tethered, but it was hastily done with materials not really meant for someone lying on the ground. It kept him from falling out of the aircraft, at least, even if he got a little more banged up.

Poor Cor. So used to being excellent at everything and he's crabby about this one time he's not. Not that he allowed himself the other excuse for that difficulty that I pointed out here: foreign abbreviations are The Worst. Especially technical ones.

Another note about fantasy swears: I base most of the action ones on the astrals - frost it, burn it, blast it, etc. The various versions mostly get used in certain contexts - Ifrit is kind of shady (no pun intended) in current culture, for instance, so anything with burn/ash/char is pretty serious. Shiva references are kind of a mixed bag at the moment because of Niflheim associations, and before she self-destructed were very popular in Insomnia. Nowadays they're kinda old-fashioned, because she's better regarded. Blast (with the modern reference to ions! Some swears do change) refers to lightning and thus Ramuh, so it usually has to do with judgements or condemning something. In this case, Cor is judging himself and this situation very hard, and also has lightning on the brain because of Crowe's attack.

Anyway, next they Talk in a Manly and Dramatic fashion where they don't really address any of the emotional things going on, but Cor does acknowledge that Drautos didn't have to help but did anyway, even at what may be the cost of everything he worked for, and Cor appreciates it even if it probably won't change much.

Cor finally gets to check on Nyx and Drautos fills him in on the basics, including the miasma infusion, and right on cue Nyx -- who is rather messed up between getting doubly concussed in a short time period, having a fever, being infected with the scourge, and generally pretty hurt before that with only rather janky medical help that's gotten ripped open a few times -- gets to hallucinate his sister dying and Galahd burning! Fun times.

I wanted to put Nyx calling for his mom both because it fit the time he was hallucinating, but also because it's historically a thing that even Strong Tough Soldiers do. Being hurt sucks, even if you are a Main Character, and it's not a shameful thing at all to be afraid (this is my Tolkien influence, when literally everyone being afraid of the Nazgul blew my childish mind and made confronting them even more impressive rather than expected).

The hallucinations are there because that was a thing that was happening to him and I wanted some continuity with WWFL's take on Nyx vs the Scourge, and because it's a nice cover for Cor missing what Drautos is doing (his Final Message). Plus, it means Cor has a pressing need to give Nyx help ASAP, without worrying about spinal injuries and the like that might have caused him to delay using a potion otherwise, because Nyx in his hallucinations is probably doing worse damage and he clearly needs a lot of help.

So Cor does some desperate first aid, and bundles Nyx up against him so he can't hurt himself more.

He reached up and stroked along Nyx’s cheekbone, trying to wipe away some of the damning tears.

Does this help anything? No. Does it make Cor feel better to not see evidence that Nyx is infected? A little. Should Cor have been touching the scourge tears with his bare hands? Definitely not. Luckily, he is the other kind of immortal.

“I’ve got you, Nyx, we’ve got you,” he murmured, matching the cadence of his voice and his hand to the pulse of the engine as they dropped slowly, presumably toward a landing somewhere. Cor couldn’t bring himself to care where. “We’ve got you.”

Cor switches to the "we" here, because it had to happen eventually to fit the script. I like to think the "we" only partially includes Drautos, and mostly includes the rest of the glaives and guard who came to help rescue Nyx, and a reassurance that Cor didn't get captured in trying to save Nyx - a reoccurring nightmare for Nyx.

Nyx shifted against his shoulder, leaning up into Cor’s hand on his cheek. Cor could feel his lashes fluttering against his neck as he started to stir, and he let himself believe it was a good sign. “Cor?” He could barely hear it over the sounds of the ‘ship landing, but it made his heart soar higher than the airship had. Nyx was talking, and he recognized him. Surely that was a good sign? His name had never sounded so sweet.

He stroked Nyx’s cheek slowly, wiping away more tears as they fell. Were they lighter? Surely they were. He kept up his mantra, reassuring Nyx that he wasn’t alone, that he was safe. “We’ve got you.” He’d never let go.

Butterfly kisses are the best. Even if the situation is the worst.

Cor is Tired and Dramatic (as was I when I was writing this). He's going to cling to hope and what victories he has and comfort his boyfriend as best as he can and let the Drama flow. He's earned it.

Until Drautos (who had temporarily earned back his first name basis by the help he's given them and by Cor being Tired) takes his turn to be The Most Dramatic.

Thanks for the sticking with me on that long tour through my thoughts (and pity the two and a half hours it took to write it and rewrite it after tumblr ate it.)

21. What is the one fic that got away?

Probably To Hope's End, my Nyx as a Messenger AU. I want to go back and finish it. I do. But I have a lot of unfinished stories, and I think that one's furthest on the backburner for now. Partially because it's going to be long, and if I'm focusing on a long one right now it's going to be Those Who Wander.

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I would like to get back to the time travel fic I've told you about where Regis trying to use the crystal to check out Noctis's future causes refractions, so you get past, present, and future Cor and Nyx (who were anchoring the spell) of various ages all shoved in a room together and trying to figure out what in the world is going on.

And all the chaos that spills out from that.

I also have several fics that I've posted that I want to continue or expand on if I have the time and writing energy to do so...

But you know pretty much all of my ideas already.

#long post #and get some answers #ask games #garbria #writing #my fics #ffxv #smoke and mirrors #posting quickly before tumblr eats it again #edited

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canonicallysoulmates · 2 years

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So there I was casually scrolling, minding my business when I came upon a reaction to something Tom Hiddleston said in a recent interview. Some of y'all already know where this is going yes I am talking about what's being passed around as the "siblings comment" regarding Loki and Sylvie. Now because I know how fandom is, and how antis are, I decided to go ahead and look up the moment myself to see what was actually said and the context. After watching it, I was slightly confused as to some of the reactions I had seen but I was like whatever and planned to continue on with my day because the quote is really not that big a deal.

Plans obviously changed. Two reasons why: the first is that it's been a whole year but some still don't know how to stay in their fucking lane, the second being that I saw some fellow shippers point out that the antis are gonna take this and run with it and use it as fuel to attack us which is true, they're already doing it.

So I'm gonna address this, the first thing I'm gonna get out of the way is that Tom is allowed his opinion and feelings regarding the Loki and Sylvie relationship regardless of wether or not those opinions and feelings are positive towards my ship. I, as a fan, am also allowed my opinions and feelings regarding the Loki and Sylvie relationship regardless of wether or not those opinions and feeling match Tom's. Sorry to dissapoint some of you but this sylki shipper is not crying into her pillow over his comment. I love and respect the man but I do not need his approval or validation of my ships.

That out of the way let's get into his comment which was actually not a negative one. The way I saw this being portrait by some painted it as if he had said that they were siblings and he had had a problem with the romance aspect of things but what he actually said is that what he and Sophia really enjoyed about Loki and Sylvie's relationship was the exploration of their mutual curiosity in each other and what qualities they share and don't, that it was fun for them to create that dynamic. This is when he says that "it's almost like long-lost siblings or something", almost like does not mean that they are or even that he thinks they are he was just looking for a comparision that matches with the explanation he was giving of a relationship where two people who are so alike yet so different meeting for the first time and being infinitely curious about each other thus "almost like" followed by "or something".

We need to bring back the trope of childhood best friends who say they are only platonic/family-like until they drift apart and reconnect years later and end up falling in love cause some are failing to understand how one can go from only platonic feelings to romantic feelings.

Anyways afterwards he proceeds to give some praise to Sophia for her work as Sylvie, and says that Loki and Sylvie's dynamic (as well as the Loki and Mobius one) were central to the whole show. Timestamp for those who want to hear what he said themselves: here. I would highly reccomend it.

I did not just watch that moment though I watched the whole interview as well as another one that I came accross while looking for this one and I'm glad I did because some of the reactions that I saw of this project their hatred and dislike of Kate Herron unto Tom, once again, babying him trying to make it seem like he hated it and it's all her fault, and he had no input in the show and wasn't listened to at any point. Even though in this very interview he mentions that Kate was very helpful to him getting back into the mindset of Avengers!Loki after so many years. x And in a previous interview he said Kate had the most wonderful take on what the series is about saying that when he heard her answer to him asking what she thought it was about he thought "she gets it!" x

In that previous interview he also mentions how the "Loki 101" came to be because he kept being asked by various department heads for his input and opinion so he went to Kate and assembled everyone in a room for a couple hours so he could explain and talk about the character and how he has developed him through all these years. x I would reccomend checking out both interviews they're pretty good and you can tell how much love and thought he puts into Loki and how much work he has put into the series.

Can't wrap this up without mentioning Crimson Peak because some y'all really think this man would be pressed over a romantic relationship between "almost like siblings" when he worked in a movie where his character fucks his own sister.

In conclusion, antis are annoying, and context is always key.

#sylki #pro sylki #loki x sylvie #well context and comprehension skills #now i'm gonna go eat pizza and deal with the 50 other things i was supposed to be doing but put in the back burner for this #mine #non spn

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undisputed-queer-a · 9 months

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Lesbian Heel Shenanigans

As we continue our look at queer moments of representation in in 'our great sport' and as I continue to doubt that phrase I am brought to Survivor Series 2014. Obviously at this event Sting showed up in WWE for the first time, a shocking development that no one expected because of Sting’s long standing attitudes towards the company. Especially considering he had worked for both of WWE's biggest competitors (before AEW that is) WCW and TNA. Sting even turned down working for the Dub in the 2000s...but I hear you "What does Sting debuting in WWE have to do with the title?" really to be honest nothing I just didn't much want to talk about Nikki Bella Vs AJ Lee at the same Survivor Series. Was that funny? Probably not. Maybe it confused you because it didn't match the title idk. And I know I pick what I write about but like it's really bad. So to set the scene in August 2014 Nikki Bella turned on her sister saying and I quote "I wish you died in the womb." find the clip it's gloriously bad, and even though I feel bad making fun of her line delivery but it's...it's really something. So in the following moths they feud as you might expect. having a six minute match at Hell In a Cell in October and a two minute match on RAW in November. This feud I believe won the WON Worst Feud of the year for 2014 and universally panned by fans. I also think that one of their matches had the stipulation the classic personal assistant stipulation which made Brie Nikki's like servant for a bit. I'm one hundred percent sure this happened but I trust myself enough to mention it.

Okay so Survivor Series, Nikki beats AJ Lee starting her historic 301 day Diva's title reign (I wanna do a whole post on that belt. It's not got much to do with LGBTQ+ stuff but eh who cares.) but you wanna know how she won this match? Brie kissed AJ which distracted her, Nikki hits the 'Rack Attack' (not a great name IMO) and wins within 33 seconds. F*cking b*llshit (still not dure if the censoring is a good idea/whether I should do it or not.). Now I don't know why this happened. Like any of it but why did they book them to kiss? Why is Brie basically committing sexual assault kissing someone wo doesn't want to be kissed? And why are Nikki and Brie cool with each other again with no explanation? Nikki said she wished Brie died in the womb and then made her life hell why are they allies again? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's genuinely maddening why was a couple of months of story telling (admittedly not good storytelling) undermined by strange Lesbian Heel Shenanigans. It's stupid and weird and it also kind of alludes to the predatory lesbian stereotype. It's all around awful and I honestly have spoken on this topic for too long.

Anyway this has been a....I don't actually know

This has been Undisputed Queer-a.

Slay The System, Shock The Cis-tem, and see you next Monday.

#wrasslin #wwe #survivor series 2014 #lgbt #lgbtq #blog #queer stuff #queer representation #undisputed queer a

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sheacouleecametoslay · 1 year

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Season 4 (2012)

Well, this season feels somewhat uncomfortable to watch in 2022 after everything that's been exposed about the winner. She should've been disqualified instead of Willam. I feel sick every time she appears on screen. And I've decided to ignore her in my judging. But if you ignore the stain she leaves on this season, this is a strong cast! Season 4 seems to be when Drag Race finally settled into the show that is today. I noticed a shift in the cast's vibes. The first 3 seasons were filled with these dry, toneless confessionals, but the personalities shined more this time. The production has improved somewhat too. There's now an open doorway for the queens to enter. The finale is now filmed in front of a live audience. And the bar was raised on runway looks last season. The Apocalyptic Couture design challenge, the first runway of the season, proved that. But there's still scenes of the contestants waking up in their hotel rooms. They still wear different outfits in confessional. And the "Cover Girl" transition starts differently than it does today. The challenges need some improvement too. I'm glad there's more variety. But the Snatch Game was a mess (Chad and Willam somewhat saved it). The RuPaul's albums adverts were kinda cringe. The Presidential Debate was PAINFUL... it's like none of them wanted to talk about politics. Sh*ron's partner in the Makeover challenge gave me the creeps. I wasn't a fan of the pregnant twist either. And the whole "Frenemies" episode felt very contrived to create more drama between Sh*ron and Jaremi (FKA Phi Phi O'Hara), and then they went through a pointless lip sync when the producers were going to remove Willam anyways. Their duet felt so awkward in that challenge too. Although the announcement of Willam's removal is one of the most shocking moments in the show's history. The prison sitcom was good though; mostly for Latrice's performance. And the wrestling challenge surprisingly turned out well? Maybe because I'm a wrestling fan, but I thought the trash talking and the moves were fun. Willam's team was definitely the sloppiest though, and I didn't like how they cut Chad's team's match short. The finale music video is SOOOO camp that I kinda love it. And the pride boats turned out better than I expected based on the concept. I don't think Willam should've won that though, especially when the judges read Milan for doing the same thing (making it about herself.) Oh great, Billy B is still occasionally filling in for Santino... I do not like Billy B. And once again someone is brought back at the Final 5 for no reason just to be eliminated in the same episode. Untucked had the iconic Lashauwn vs Jiggly fight, Jaremi telling Willam how much he disrespected her for breaking the rules, and a very heated Jaremi/Sh*ron fight at the final 4. The Jaremi/Sh*ron drama largely drove the season, reaching a boiling point with that "go back to party city where you belong" quote. Otherwise, Dida, Milan, Jiggly and Latrice gave great lip syncs. And the Shangela box fake out during the premiere made me laugh.

Queens Ranking: 13. Sh*ron N**dles Another problematic winner. Bye. 12. Alisa Summers I can't remember anything that she said or did on this season. Her first runway didn't look appealing anyways. 11. Madame LaQueer I'm noticing a trend of big girls being picked on in the early seasons. LaQueer was always picked last in team challenges and Kenya didn't respect her. But she defied expectations by winning a physical challenge with a bad ankle (even if her wrestling character wasn't my cup of tea). And she won a mini-challenge with Willam (I did like the blue die mugshots). This is a storyline I can get behind, but I just end up feeling indifferent about her? I'm not sure why. Her Platinum & Gold outfit was pretty bad. And she missed the mark in a couple of acting challenges. It probably wasn't fair to criticize her using Spanish, although her segment wasn't memorable anyway. In the end, she had no hope against Milan's OTT lip sync. 10. Kenya Michaels Kenya came in with a fierce attitude (that slow-mo entrance!) She was fun in the wrestling challenge and her Nicki Minaj look was good. But she had this weirdness in her acting performances. It worked in the album advert (even if I wasn't *that* crazy about it... it's just that almost everyone else sucked). She was overdoing it as the prison guard (the clapping!) And her Beyonce in Snatch Game was strange too. I don't know why she didn't like LaQueer either. And then she came back at the final 5 just to flop in the Makeover (with those unhappy faces) and give us THAT ill-fitting lip sync to Aretha Franklin. 9. The Princess Not just one, but two queens who were in the "top" in episode 1 ended up being early boots. The Princess's personality wasn't *that* memorable to me, but she had some solid looks. Her nautical theme was in the "top" for a reason (even if it's not in my top 3) and I liked the Platinum & Gold outfit. But it was the acting challenges where The Princess stumbled. She was almost invisible in the wrestling one. Then in the next episode, she went the opposite direction by taking on a lead role... which also fell flat. And just like LaQueer, she had no hope against Dida's energetic lip sync. 8. Dida Ritz Dida made it really far for someone was never in the top 3 in any challenge. Her entrance look is so bad it's now a meme. Her runways weren't much better. Her "Main Event" joke didn't land. Her pride boat shirt was not a good choice. Her chicken Dragazine cover was "blah" ("chicken... chicken... chicken") And her debate had no substance. But as far as RPDR cockroaches go, I didn't mind Dida sticking around. She's likeable enough, and both of her lip syncs were great. She was the only one on her team that did well in the prison sitcom as well, so there's that. Her ultimate downfall was being uncomfortable with politics. She felt out of place in that final 5 anyways - the other 4 are such big characters. 7. Milan Milan's storyline was about being oblivious. She took over as team captain when no one really asked her to... twice... in back-to-back episodes. She brought up her acting degree and proceeded to flop in the acting challenge. Her Diana Ross in Snatch Game was off. And then she went bonkers in the lip syncs for three consecutive episodes. She had some impressive moves, but her third lip sync felt tired. I liked her Janelle Monae look though, despite what the judges said. I also liked her Apocalyptic Couture and Platinum & Gold. And she was entertaining. She struck me as someone who followed her true self in the competition, regardless of what the judges wanted. Ultimately though, her pride boat looked amateur (especially the handwriting). 6. Jaremi Carey (FKA Phi Phi O'Hara) The most hated queen at the time. All that drama because he took credit for Sh*ron's character in that one challenge lol. Anyways, Jaremi had some of my favourite runways of Season 4. I thought the judges underrated his Apocalyptic Couture. I almost gave him the win for the pride boat. His Dragazine cover was the most effective. And I actually liked his Bitch Ball looks. But damn, Jaremi was ruthless on this season. He went off on people constantly; it's like he always had a problem with other people. Was it the edit? I don't know, because his tone sounded hateful. He also manipulated Jiggly into taking the Dragazine seriously and tried to get Latrice to sabotage Willam in the singing. But as a Survivor fan, dirty tactics don't bother me lol. His Lady Gaga in Snatch Game (even if he had the look down) and the Republican character in the debate were misfires though ("the help"... really?) His Latina character in the advert was cringe too. He certainly brought the drama though... 5. Chad Michaels She KILLED it as Cher in the Snatch Game. It's one of the best Snatch Game performances of all time. But she's not just a Cher impersonator; Chad is an experienced professional at doing drag. I'll never understand why the judges read her for being too professional and being old school. Like do they expect her to dress like a 20 year old? She seemed like a natural in the acting challenges too. Her wrestling character was good. I thought she should've won the albums advert. Her debate character wasn't fully in character though; she kept going "YELLOW. RED."; but she had the best inauguration runway that episode. Speaking of which, I think Chad had the best runways this season? There's the Apocalyptic Couture, the Florence Welch look, the leopard print as well. And I thought her Bitch Ball looks were good, aside from the daytime park one. 4. Jiggly Caliente Jiggly had this vulnerability while still carrying self-confidence at the same time? I was rooting for her, aside from her comment about how dating another drag queen is "disgusting". It seemed like she was dealing with a lot of past trauma though. She got emotional a few times on Untucked. And production were also such assholes for sending her that hotel letter. But I liked her poses on the runway. She was a great lip sync-er (until she was given a country song). And she carried her team during the wrestling challenge (even openly blaming The Princess for their flop). But the creative challenges really weren't her thing. Her baked potato Apocalyptic Couture was... something. The cape in the pride boat wasn't flattering either. And she looked sad in that Dragazine cover, where she was read for taking it serious instead of funny. It's clear the producers wanted her gone that round regardless though. 3. Willam Willam had this snooty, conceited, spoiled, Valley Girl-like persona. She even won the pride boat challenge by plastering her face all over it and then stepping out to show off her body. It's a win that I don't agree with, but it was such a Willam thing to do. And she constantly bragged about the TV shows she was on. The thing is though, Willam's attitude came off as an act. She's funny because there's a sense of self-awareness to it. I GAGGED at "Is the carpet comfortable?" She was quite obnoxious in that pride boat episode though. Still, her Jessica Simpson in Snatch Game was comical (they should've left the cardboard cut-out joke in). Her reads in confessionals weren't exactly wrong. And some of her runways looked expensive. The crying on stage had to be fake right? But of course Willam's most memorable moment was her shock removal. I fully believe that she wanted to get kicked off to be in another show - that sounds like her. Willam was just a complete troll, but in a fun way. 2. Lashauwn Beyond Probably my favourite early boot of this entire series? With quotes such as "Post apopalopic", "Badonk a donk donk a donk donk", "Bubblegum yum-yum", "And kikikikikikiki, NO!", and of course "THIS IS NOT RUPAUL'S BEST FRIENDS RACE"... Lashauwn really went OFF on Jiggly during that first Untucked. She had this lovable aura when she spoke (if that makes sense). And I loved her style on the runway and how she made everyday objects look fashionable - the globe hat, the bubblegum machine. But yeah, her performance in the wrestling challenge was lacking. 1. Latrice Royale Obvious #1 is obvious [2]. Latrice brought a warm presence. She had that distinctive laugh in the Werk Room. Her prison guard character is hilarious and iconic ("get those nuts away from my face!") It went with her backstory of spending time in prison herself (for drug possession, so nothing problematic). She made a good heel in the wrestling challenge. And she had the only funny line in the debate. She was clearly checked out at the end of Snatch Game though, and then she proceeded to scold the queens afterwards for their unprofessionalism (I mean, she wasn't wrong). Moreover, Latrice looked gorgeous in the pride boat. Her Red Carpet and Dressed to Impress looks are up there too. Her late-season runways weren't as good though, and I do think she was the worst in the Bitch Ball. But she also gave two soulful lip syncs towards the end... until she was screwed over by a country song like Jiggly. Favourite entrance: Lashauwn Beyond Challenge ranking: 1. Wrestling 💀 2. Apocalyptic Couture (Design) 3. Prison sitcom (Acting) 4. Pride boats (Design) 5. "Glamazon" Music Video 6. Bitch Ball 7. "Frenemies" duets (Singing) 8. Snatch Game 9. RuPaul's albums adverts 10. Dragazine covers 11. Presidential debate 12. "DILFs" Makeover Lip Sync ranking: 1. Dida Ritz vs The Princess ("This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)") 2. Dida Ritz vs Latrice Royal ("I've Got to Use My Imagination") 3. Kenya Michaels vs Milan ("Vogue") 4. Jaremi Carey vs Sh*ron N**dles ("It's Raining Men (The Sequel)") (double shantay worthy but also an unnecessary lip sync) 5. Kenya Michaels vs Latrice Royal ("(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman") 6. Madame LaQueer vs Milan ("Trouble") 7. Alisa Summers vs Jiggly Caliente ("Toxic") 8. Jiggly Caliente vs Milan ("Born This Way") 9. Top 3 Lip Sync ("Glamazon") 10. Chad Michaels vs Latrice Royal ("No One Else on Earth") 11. Lashauwn Beyond vs The Princess ("Bad Girls") 12. Jiggly Caliente vs Willam ("Mi Vida Loca") Season ranking so far: 4 > 2 > 3 > 1

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formula-what · 3 years

Text

Brocedes time line for a very patient anon

Lewis quotes in orange, Nico quotes in pink, everyone else is blue.

okay first some background knowledge:

Nico is rich as fuck. only child, born in Germany, brought up in Monaco. son of world champion Keke Rosberg

Lewis was born on a council estate in Stevenage and his dad had to work multiple jobs for him to start karting

Honestly I think the difference in their backgrounds is one of the things that pushed them together, they were both isolated from the rest of the kids, but I’m keeping this purely facts rather than speculation.

2000

They’re both 15 years old and are karting teammates for MBB (Mercedes Benz McLaren) in Formula A

Robert Kubica: “there was always competition. But they didn’t fight. It was friendly competition. There was always laughing afterwards.” // “they would even have races to eat pizza”

They often shared hotel rooms at the races which was a “scene of many wrestling matches between them”

Dino Chiesa (their karting boss) – “many times I was called by reception about some problem in the room. It might be noise, or they might have broken something. They would never sleep so they were always tired the next morning”

“they both liked ice cream so much, particularly vanilla. During the night they wanted to eat ice cream always, so I had to go out everywhere to find some and keep them happy”

Lewis would often persuade Nico to buy him sweets

They would have competitions over LITERALLY EVERYTHING

Lewis: “we always had great competition whether on the racetrack or computer games or playing football”

“probably the first bit of competition we had was when Nico used to ride a unicycle everywhere so I thought, ‘I’ve got to learn how to ride this unicycle. Ive got to be better than him.’ I spent all my time outside the go-kart learning to ride this unicycle”

Apparently it only took Lewis 2 hours to teach himself how to do it

In maybe 2013 ish (when they were still friends) Lewis reflected with– “I have never laughed so much than when we were racing together. Nico was kicking everyone’s butt at that time. We had so great races together and built a great relationship”

“we were just arriving and enjoying go-karts and eating pizzas every weekend, fighting all the time and just having fun, whereas now it’s all business.”

many times they would talk about what they would do when they got to f1, made plans hoping to be teammates and become world champions together.

“Nico would say ‘when I’m in formula one’ and for me it was always ‘if I ever get to formula one’. Because obviously Nico’s dad was a formula 1 driver- he knew he was going to make it.”

Nico joined f1 in 2006 with williams, Lewis 2007 with McLaren. And man I WISH I knew what went down with this two when Lewis nearly one his rookie season (missing out by one point to mr fernando alonso) and then WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP in his SECOND SEASON (again by one point thank you mr alonso)

2008 Australia

Nicos gets his first podium, and ofc Lewis is there (he won it) and they are jumping around in the cool down room. Just, two kids who are literally living the one thing they have spent their whole lives dreaming about together. Lewis won the championship that year and oh wow I can only imagine their celebrations together.

2013

They’re teammates in Mercedes!!!

Nico: “every other day there are moments or things that pop up and I can smirk and thing, ‘that’s exactly the same as it was 15 years ago’”

2013 Malaysian Grand Prix gets an honourable mention. This is the race with red bulls good old multi 21 but merc also had their own team orders, stopping nico from fighting for his first merc podium, but Lewis disagreed with it so it didn’t really spark that much tension between them- more the team.

2014

the start of the turbo-hybrid era so y’all know this was good in terms of performance.

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix

They were both fighting for the win and had a collision which prompted a “mock fight” in parc ferme after the race (which I really hope there’s a video of).

Turns out, Nico won because he had used engine modes banned by Mercedes to get a power advantage in the closing laps. which kinda pissed Lewis off

2014 Spanish Grand Prix

Lewis’ fourth win in a row and took lead in the championship. They were fighting till literally the last second and Lewis crossed the line 0.6 seconds ahead of Nico, who says he could have passed him with one more lap.

Lewis defended using the same banned engine modes that Nico had used in Bahrain. Yeah.

2014 Monaco Grand Prix

This is IT. This is peak petty bitch. This is the one people still cry about.

It’s the end of Q3, both of them are out on a lap, Nico ahead of lewis. Nico’s already on provisional pole but Lewis is pretty close.

And then,, Nico just,, parks his car?? He says he made a mistake but the guy doesn’t even crash he straight up just,, rolls to a stop into a slip road. So the yellow flags come out forcing Lewis to abort a lap that was in the makings of pole.

The stewards say it was a-okay but Lewis was convinced it was intentional (and let’s be honest, yeah it probably was) and he even claimed that merc’s data proved it. (low key surprised he didn’t just tweet out the telemetry but I guess he got a stern telling off from mclaren last time)

But *this* is when Lewis tells the world that they aren’t friends anymore. An iconic interview.

Nico then wins the race too, ending Lewis’s four win streak and putting Nico in the lead of the championship.

2014 Hungarian Grand Prix

Lewis has an engine failure in quali meaning he starts from the pit lane, but he does good to make his way up the pack but THEN there’s a safety car which puts him ahead of Nico but on a different strategy.

Nico asks if Lewis can let him past as he needs to pit again before the end of the race, which will give him the place back anyways. Lewis straight up refuses, he’s on a role here. He started from last, and Nico started from pole, why should he slow down to let his title rival through.

Mercedes strongly suggest that his blocking fucked up Nicos race but Niki Lauda is on Lewis’ side so he doesn’t get punished (We stan a supportive father figure) even though he did blatantly refuse to be a team player.

And guys, this is the last race before the summer break so you know Nico was left seething for four weeks.

2014 Belgian Grand Prix

Second lap, Nico attempts a clumsy move and there’s contact, giving Hamilton a puncture and knocking him out of the race.

There’s a lot of controversy but basically it turns out he crashed with him intentionally, not backing out of the corner to “prove a point”. Nico ended up finishing second but was punished by the team, forced to apologise, and even booed on the podium.

2014 Abu Dhabi

For some reason it ran for double points?? The first time in History??? But idk???

Lewis had a perfect start and went on to win it and take the title, Nico had a problem and was told to retire the car but he kept going anyway and finished 14th. Nico went into the cool down room to congratulate Lewis on the championship win, which. cute.

Lewis claimed his second championship. Which not only was huge because of the inter team rivalry, but also because of the large gap between his first win. This guy had lost out on winning the championship in his ROOKIE season by ONE POINT, and then WON it in his SECOND season, and then there was like a FIVE YEAR gap before he won it again.

2015

Damnnn this car was fiiiinneeeeeee.

They do more laps in testing than any other car AND do it on a single power unit. And then. Australia. They take a one-two THIRTY FOUR seconds ahead of the third place Ferrari.

2015 Chinese Grand Prix

Nico is second in a one-two but claims that Lewis kept backing him up into Seb, trying to compromise his race (and help out his boyfriend).

Lewis gave zero shits: "It's not my job to look after Nico's race, it's my job to manage the car and bring the car home as healthy and as fast as possible. That's what I did."

2015 U.S. Grand Prix

If Lewis wins here he could also claim the title with three races to spare (you have to remember back then the title fight often went up to the last race so this was pretty cool)

Lewis very aggressively forced Rosberg wide at Turn 1 to claim the lead, and then there was some sexy fighting between the Mercs and Redbull all race. Nico led in the closing stages but made a mistake, running deep into a corner and letting Lewis past with only a handful of laps to go.

Nico finished P2 and had not only lost the race but the championship title. Nico was fuming, saying Lewis’ move at the start was “one step too far”.

This is the infamous cap throw in the cool down room. Lewis throws Nico his P2 hat, Nico straight up yeets it back at him. I tear up just thinking about it. They grow up so fast.

2016

Nico had came so close to winning and I guess this was just, the last straw. All or nothing. This year he literally gave it everything he had. Lewis and him stopped speaking, Nico gave up literally the rest of his life and even stopped sleeping in the same bed as his wife and taking care of his kids, instead spending every moment trying to get into Lewis’ head. Honestly, I think he might be the only one that could beat Lewis. Just because he knew him *so well*. He literally threw away like 16 years of friendship. But also it’s like, he had to be world champion. He *had to*. His dad was champion and his whole life he’s been preparing to win it too. Tough luck that he raced in the same era as Mr. Best Driver The Sport Has Ever Seen.

Nico won the last few races of 2015, and the first four races of 2016. Lewis had a couple car problems and Nico had a good lead on him in the championship.

2016 Spanish Grand Prix

Gentlemen. A short view back to the past. Nico had made a switch error on the formation lap causing the car to go into the wrong engine mode. So he was running a lot slower than Lewis, who was fighting to claim back the lead.

Nico closed the door to keep him back, and Lewis lost control on the grass, and spins into Nico and taking them both out of the race in the first lap. This is probably one of the most iconic crashes. I’m pretty sure there’s a clip of this somewhere in black and white with the titanic music over the top.

Niki Lauda blamed this one on Lewis (I guess even a supportive dad has to be critical sometimes) "Lewis is too aggressive. It is stupid, we could've won this race".

2016 Austrian Grand Prix

Nico had been struggling with a brake issue all race but was still on the way to win it. But in the last lap Lewis had caught him up and gone in for the overtake.

Typical Nico not taking any shit, refusing to be the guy that backs out and they collide. Lewis took the win and a damaged Nico dropped to fourth. From first. In the last lap.

Both of them blamed each other and tired dad team boss Toto Wolff threatened team orders in future races.

The stewards blamed Nico for the incident, issuing him two penalty points for failing to allow "racing room" and causing a collision.

2016 Abu Dhabi

In the final laps of the race, Lewis ignored team-orders from his race engineer and the technical director.

He deliberately slowed and backed Nico into the pack hoping they overtake him, and there would be enough of a points difference to win the title.

Nico finished second and won the title by five points.

And then,,, Nico announced a surprise retirement during the FIA prize giving ceremony.

Lewis’ response:

"This is the first time he's won in 18 years, hence why it was not a surprise that he decided to stop.” (We stan a petty king)

“But he's also got a family to focus on and probably wants to have more children. Formula One takes up so much of your time."

“In terms of missing the rivalry, of course because we started karting when we were 13 and we would always talk about being champions. When I joined this team, Nico was there, which was something we spoke about when we were kids. So it's going to be very, very strange, and, for sure, it will be sad to not have him in the team next year."

And now they are kind of on speaking terms but not really, they are both pretty private but I think they are at the ‘awkward small talk when we run into each other at the supermarket’ stage of the break up.

#this got a lot longer than it should have been #long post

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