#anyway I plan to get back into writing again

[c00kieguy]

Procrastination

relationships: Dr. Ratio x GN!Reader summary: Ratio decides to help you out but only after he lets you know just how disappointed he is. cw: Fluff, Ratio pining, Tsundere Ratio(?), pre relationship, very self indulgent a/n: stress writing is real. huh. wc: ~800 masterlist

A firm hand on your shoulder startles you awake from your nap, and the bright screen of your monitor makes squint. You weren't even aware that you had fallen asleep on your desk. Lifting your head with a groggy look you’re met with a pair of familiar red eyes. Usually, seeing the purple haired doctor in front of you would bring you joy, but at a time like this? He was the last person you wanted to talk to.

He was there the previous week to constantly remind you to get your work done but you kept dismissing him, after all, you had an entire week ahead of you, and other plans as well. Surely a short delay wouldn’t push you back too much, right? Wrong. Despite only having skipped a week's worth of work, you quickly realize just how many small tasks can pile up in just seven days.

"Still working on your proposal?" He asks you, a hint of a condescending tone in his voice.

"I'm almost done." You sighed, the last thing you needed right now was a lecture. Your hands dutifully find their back to your keyboard as you reread your last few sentences to get the gist of the writing.

"This is precisely why I discourage procrastination. Delaying your work will only lead to a tighter schedule in the future." His disapproving words pierce you but do no damage, you were used to this, unfortunately.

“I know…” You grumbled. Sometimes you wonder if he enjoyed talking down to you, it really seemed like he’d always magically appear out of thin air whenever you started slacking off just to offer you a lecture. "I didn't even delay it for that long though, just a week..." It was embarrassing to admit how many similar scenarios had played out in the past with the two of you, but no matter how many times he’d reprimand you for stalling you always ended up doing it again. For a brief moment you wonder what it would be like to live in the stone ages where you wouldn’t need to worry about writing another official document ever again…

"A week too long if you ask me." He shakes his head in disapproval. "Show me what you’ve done so far." Leaning over your shoulder he scans your screen. It doesn’t take him long to read through everything, though you wondered why he needed to anyway. Somehow the last few days you noticed how the doctor seemed to hover around you a lot more often, and now he’s involving himself in your job too. Perhaps it meant something but in your current sleep deprived state you didn’t have the energy to think too deeply about the implications.

"Mmm good, you've written down the main points for the remaining sections at the very least, and surprisingly you are almost done.” You scoff at his surprised tone, admittedly a little offended. Sure you may not always get things done on time but you valued quality a lot. Ratio just rolls his eyes at your little fit.

“See? Not too bad right? Now will you leave me alone?” You say as you turn the monitor back to face you. Just a few more hours and you’ll be free to sleep.

“Hmph, this is the bare minimum and yet you’re proud of it?” He chides. That’s one thing you really disliked him. At times you’d find yourself flustered in his presence at his caring nature, but other times you really did find him infuriating. This situation is the latter it seems. You wish he’d really just leave you to your own devices already.

“Sleep, I’ll finish up the rest.” Your fingers pause. Huh? Did you hear that right? No, he must’ve said something else. “Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to match your style of writing.” Turns out you weren’t just hearing things. The Dr.Ratio was offering to do your proposal for you. But you couldn’t just let him. As much as you trusted him with your proposal, this was still your mess and it didn't feel right letting someone else deal with it.

“That’s not- I mean, this is my job Ratio, I can't just-” 

“Get up and go before I change my mind.” 

“Ratio…” You almost felt like crying. The look you give him could fool anyone into thinking you were under the gaze of an Aeon. “Oh thank you so much, I could kiss you right now. I’ll definitely repay you, I promise.” Immediately you get up and start packing your things as the doctor takes your seat. You briefly wonder why he suddenly decided to help you after all the snide remarks but you decide not to dwell on it too much. 

“Just…go.” He turns away from you, a light dust of pink on his cheeks at your remark. It’s a shame you miss it in your hurry to head to bed. Not only do you not offer him a proper goodbye but you also leave the door open on your way out.

“Idiot.” He sighs.

Perhaps one day he'll get to say 'My idiot' instead.

masterlist

© c00kieguy ➼ do not repost/copy/translate (without my permission) or claim any of my works as your own. Reblogs are appreciated ❣

#honkai star rail #hsr dr ratio #ratio x reader #ratio x you #ratio x y/n #hsr x reader #x reader #reader insert #hsr ratio #hsr veritas #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #hsr x gn reader #honkai ratio #hsr fluff #hsr fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #c00kie.writes

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swifts Song

THE WAY I LOVED YOU

synopsis: they said in our life, there will be that one love that is so intense and passionate. the type of love that has good and bad days on it, but still feel home for you. the type of love that makes you crazy. so many emotions but for only one person. that’s park sunghoon for you.

pairings: park sunghoon x reader

word count: 12k.

warnings: toxic relationship, angst, sunghoon being a redflag. (let me know if i missed some)

note: i got totally carried away with this one and honestly i’m totally satisfied on how i wrote this. i’m currently on my psh phase so i’m totally crazy for him lol anyway, i hope you enjoy this fic and please please please leave your thoughts on replies or send me some ask. it helps so much to keep me writing more. ily & stay safe!

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

“Where are you going?” you asked while pulling the sheet up to your chest, watching your boyfriend scurrying to gather his things as he put his clothes on.

He threw you a short glance, hair still disheveled from the heated session you two just shared and went back on to what he was doing.

“Band practice.” he shortly replied.

You gulped, spacing out after his response. Its not that this is the first time he did this. Having sex with you and leave once his bandmates calls him out for practice. You always think that it was his priority over his relationship with you.

His steps are quick when he approach and kissed the top of your head like as if it will do any better.

“I'll see you later, okay?” and then turned his back to go on his way without sending you another look.

After hearing the sound of the door closing and locks clicking, you laid back on your shared bed and stared right at the ceiling. Mind occupied by a lot of thoughts and slowly feeling the energy finally draining out of you.

You have been dating Park Sunghoon for exactly three years now. He's the hot drummer of the band called PARADOX. Handsome, talented and very passionate man. He sure love what he does the most, music.

People who knows the two of you may say that your relationship with him is pretty sturdy. Despite the scruffles and misunderstanding along the side, the memories and bond you built together was not easy to break.

They'll also probably mention how the two of you are an odd combination. You, being someone who finished college to have a righteous degree and works as a fine finance manager in a big company and Sunghoon, being the drummer of a said band.

Its not that being in a band and making music is a bad occupation, its just compared to yours, his is just more unstable. Yes, he is good. His band is really good and somehow makes it to places to share their music, but at some point it just doesn't fit.

Sometimes, they still wonder how the two of you works it out. How you can handle the mess and the outgoing side of Park Sunghoon, notwithstanding the fact of being someone who loves peace and have a priggish personality.

“Are you still playing in that band?” this are the common question your Father loves to throw during dinners whenever you take Sunghoon home with you.

You've always know how things ends up so you are expeditious on getting in between.

“Dad.” you looked at him with a pleading eyes, hoping he'll cooperate tonight and let you guys have a peaceful dinner just for once.

Sunghoon tensed beside you as his hold over his utensils tighten, as well as his jaw. It was already hard to swallow food now that he's inside your home having dinner with your parents and now your Dad is again belittling him.

“Yes, sir.” he answered.

The usual disappointing and downgrading look on his face makes Sunghoon feels awful. During this time is when he'll surely never get used to. It makes him realize that no matter how good he do, no matter how great his band became, he will never be someone so worthy in the eyes of your Father.

“And for how long will you plan to do this nonsense?” he was not holding back at all. His wife, your Mom, beside him gently reaches for his arm, trying to stop him from saying more.

Sunghoon clenched his jaw, “Making music is not nonsense. We are doing well right now, sir.”

The way he says those words just makes your Father even more pissed at him. He always hates how he was so confident and prideful. The way he stands whenever he greets him after arriving at your home is giving off as someone imperious.

He scoffed humorless, “And for how long? I've already told you that there's no future in that dream of yours.”

“Dad!” your voice raised because you couldn't handle what he's saying right now.

Sunghoon stands abruptly, making a dragging sound from the chair he was occupying. He balled his fist and just stormed outside of your house. You stood and stared at your Dad with a look of dispair in your eyes. He didn't back down and just gave you this knowing look.

“I asked you to stop doing that.”

“And I already told you to leave that boy countless times, y/n. Stop wasting your time with him!” he strictly said.

“Never.” and with that you turned your feet to start coming after your boyfriend.

You saw him a few blocks away walking towards where he parked his motorcycle. With quick steps, you try to catch up on him.

“Sunghoon!” you screamed, but he didn't even looked back on you.

With gritted teeth, you hurried your steps even more and right on time that he ride his motorcycle, you grabbed him by his arm.

“Why are you not stopping!” you yelled, tears brimming your eyes.

He glanced at you and that's when you saw his bloodshot eyes. Your boyfriend never cries. His playful demeanor never showed his weak side, even with you. Maybe your father was right. He is someone full of pride and sometimes arrogant, but you love him. And he loves you.

“I told you already that I don't want to come! But you forced me anyway!” he yelled, making you flinch a little.

It was really your fault because you are so persistent on making the things between your Dad and him to work despite knowing the outcome of this visit to your parent's house.

“He will never see me worthy of you. You are always so hard to reach for me...” his tone low that made your heart crack. You've never seen him like this before.

His eyes darken as he teared his gaze away, shoving your hold off from his arm. You started to panic and watch how he grabs the handle of his vehicle then started the engine.

“W-What are you doing? Are you leaving m-me?” you asked in a broken tone that made him falter a bit, but the pain from the scene of how your father belittled him was stronger.

Rain starts pouring, but you stood your ground. Didn't even bothered that you are starting to get soaked by the now pouring rain.

“P-Please, don't do this.” you begged and Sunghoon stared at you and maybe it was the rain? Or the cold breeze surrounding you two, but he seems so cold and distant. It breaks you slowly.

“I l-love you so much.” you gulped getting rid of the lump on your throat. “P-Please.”

But he starts droving off. Your heart sank and quickly tries to run after him. Its stupid because there's no way to catch up just by running, but your mind was too clouded to even think straight.

The rain poured even harder and your knees felt weak from running too much. You stopped and cries even harder, heart feeling so broken. You don't feel bothered by the cold at all and all you can think of is how your chest is hurting so bad. You felt slightly suffocated from crying so hard, giving you a hard time to breath.

A roaring sound of an engine makes you lift your head and a string of hope ignites when you saw lights emitting from a vehicle that is driving near you.

Your lips shakes when you saw the familiar motorcycle stopping beside you, Sunghoon's all drenched like you when he turned his head at your side.

“Your father,” he starts and you shake your head sideways trying to stop him, but he continued. “he may hate me to his bones. He may resent me and never want me for you.” one of his hand lets go from the handle and reach over your hand.

“But I love you.” he said firmly that made you tear up even more. “I love you so fucking much that it hurts.” he pursed his lips hardly, jaw clenching hard as he tries to hide his emotions.

You cried and lets go from his hand to cup his face. Both feeling so cold from the nonstop rain but the warmth you two are giving each were enough for you. You leaned in connecting your lips before pulling away to stare at his eyes.

“I don't care about what he thinks. I only want you and no one else.”

He smirks then starts handing you a helmet.

“Then hop on, pretty. We're going to get sick if we stay here longer.”

And without a hint of hesitation, you wore the helmet and hopped on his motorbike. Sunghoon pulls your arm so you can hug him from behind.

“Hold on tight and don't let go.”

“Never.”

“Sunghoon, I told you already I'm still at the office. I can't be out until before 9pm.” your elbow rests over your desk as you try and massage your temple to ease your aching head.

“But our gig will start at eight pm, y/n. You said you'll watch.” he sounded so upset.

Normally, you will hurry yourself to go attend his gig but today was a rough day for you as well. Too many office works are lined up for you, workload piled up that you don't even know where to start. You know how much it means for Sunghoon having you to be there for him. But today's just so draining. And sometimes you kind of feel like you were always there for him but when will he be there for you?

“Sunghoon,” you draw in a heavy breath, calming yourself down to prevent saying anything that can spoil his mood. That’s the last thing you want to do if he have a gig.

“It’s just unexpctedly a very busy day. I need to finish all these works on time—” he cuts you even before you can finish your sentence.

“Just say it if you want to spend time with that co-worker and stop making lame excuses, y/n.” the sarcasm that lurks over his tone caught you dumbfounded.

Your mouth hanged open, unable to even utter your response to this nonsense he’s trying to imply. He’s very unbelievable. You are very tired already, the workload’s too heavy and here he is doubting you. He still have the audacity of accusing you over things when all you want is for this day to be over so you can see him and rest.

Sunghoon’s naturally a jealous boyfriend. He’s very possessive of you to the point that sometimes it can be out of hand. His bad temper and jealous demeanor is not a good combo because he always ends up fucking up things and telling you things he didn’t mean at all.

“Baby, no. Of course not! I really want to watch your gig, you know that right? It’s just—”

“You will really choose that over me, aren’t you? Like as if people doesn’t think I was unworthy of you already. You just really need to prove more...” his monotonous tone are like knives straight to your heart.

“Don’t even go there. You know its not that.” your lips tremble along with your hands as the conversations starts to get more intense.

“Yeah, right. Have fun with your co-worker.” he mumbled with a bitter tone and ended the call right away.

You shut your eyes as you drop your phone to your desk wrecklessly before running your hand through your hair, messing it a bit. The silence occupying the almost empty building floor didn’t help from the aching of your head. He’s really just unbelievable.

And it’s even more unbelievable that you are still so in love with him despite the red flags he’s obviously showing you. It was too late for you to even realize that you are already packing your things to go and see your boyfriend’s gig. The mountain-like paperworks that were on your table caught your eyes and made you halt for a bit, but in the end you chose to turn the lights off and head out of your office. Off to see your sulking boyfriend.

When you arrived, it was their last song for the night. The traffic on the way made the suppose to be 20 minute travel an hour long drive. A relieved sigh made it to your lips while you walk towards their manager, your feet starts to stings from your high-heel.

“Y/n! I thought you couldn’t make it tonight? Sunghoon said.” he smiled warmly before giving you a friendly hug.

You tried your best to return his smile as your eyes roamed and trailed over to the stage. The spotlight that pointed over your boyfriend gave you the chance to have the perfect view of him playing passionately. A small string tugs inside your heart while watching him, eyes closed and letting himself be drawn by music.

When people ask you why you fell so hard for him, they probably won’t understand you unless they’ll be in your shoes themselves. These are the moment he shines the most. The moment you can clearly see the real him. His love for his passion and his smiles melts you from the inside and out. It was unexplainable. You love Sunghoon. You love him so dearly to the point your heart aches.

When he opens his eyes like as if he felt an intense eyes are watching him, he met yours. Those pretty eyes that looks at him with so much affection. The eyes that pretty much made him feel things no one else can. The eyes that can comfort him. His safe place, his solace and his other half. For Sunghoon, if music is his passion then you are the life that pushes him to chase it. His inspiration.

His eyes fixated over you and lips pursed into a pout, still sulking. That made you chuckle and mouthed, ‘I love you.’

Sunghoon’s lips lifts up before responding, ‘I love you too.’ that made your stomach churns and heart thumping like crazy. Somehow it made you feel at ease. Despite all the worries and trials, as long as you have him, you will manage.

Only you and him will understand the type of love you share with each other.

“Thank you so much for tonight everyone! And we are...” Heeseung, their lead vocalists stalls his words and glanced at his band-mates and in unison they leaned over the mics near them and said, “PARADOX.”

The crowd cheers and you can see how they truly enjoyed the whole show. A small, but proud smile made its way towards your lips. The boys did a short fan service while you stay at the side with their manager. Girls swarms around them, but you didn’t mind it. This isn’t new for you anymore and if you want a partner in this line of job, you should prepare yourself for crazy fangirls.

“I’m really glad you made it, y/n” your head snaps over to the side when their manager spoke. He gave you this sincere look on his face and some other kind of gaze you couldn’t identify.

He sports this plain white shirt and some jeans. Hair styled in a pretty basic style any boy could pull and then he stood there a little stiff. You gave him a smile and a clap over his shoulder.

“Of course, I want my boyfriend to know I’m always here for him.” you stated that made his smile falter for a bit. He was quick to pull it back up, nodding his head slowly like as if he was reminded of something.

“Right... Sunghoon.” he mumbled.

Your gaze remained at him, a little confused of his reaction. It bothered you a bit so you’re about to ask him what’s wrong when a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist.

“Hi hotstuff.” Sunghoon’s voice sounded so seductive as he quickly leans for a heated kiss.

You squeals lightly and tries to pull off from him, but ends up giving in and showing everyone how you two devours each other’s faces. One of Sunghoon’s hand moved down to slightly grope your butt that made you moan a little over his lips. He smirks, mission accomplished for him.

He was greeted by your blushing cheeks once he pulled away, one hand still possessively resting over your waist to keep you close to him.

“H-Hello,” the impact of your latest stunt dawning you, making you feel so shy.

He smirks, fangs showing and good Lord, does he look even hotter.

“You came.” his tone indicates the joy to see you here and that just makes you feel so much better. He may not vocally thank you or tell you he appreciates it so much, but the way his eyes twinkle and shines was enough for you to know how he feels.

“Of course. My boyfriend is being sulky so I have no other choice.” the corner of your lips lifts up, taunting him.

He stares at your eyes before grinning even wider, “I’m not sulky.” he leans in again, couldn’t resist your lips after glancing at it for a second. After he placed a loving kiss, he leans away and went back on facing his friends.

You watch how he threw a short glance at their manager as well and it remained for a while before he direct his attention to some acquaintances that are greeting his band.

The night was long, as usual. This is pretty much what happens whenever he have gigs. You feel so tired, feet feels so painful that you are sure you grew blisters over it. Your eyelids felt so heavy as well, the long day finally kicking in. The boys are still loud and celebrating, but finally one called it a night.

All of you starts heading outside the bar they performed in. Sunghoon’s walking a few steps ahead of you, talking and goofing with his friends. You are silent, too tired to even listen or join on their conversation.

You were almost hit by the door when Sunghoon didn’t even remember to hold it for you. He was too busy talking to his band-mates and didn’t even noticed that the door almost slapped you on the face. Thankfully, an arm held it for you.

“Thank you, Riki.” you gave him a small smile.

You’ve been together with Sunghoon for a while now so that only means you’ve hanged out with his band countless times causing you to grew closer towards them. But for some reasons, Riki is the only one who is somehow felt awkward to be with. You cannot explain why, but there’s just something about him that leaves you nothing to say.

He didn’t smile or anything, just stared down to you using his intimidating eyes.

“No problem.” shivers ran to your spines because of his low voice. His eyes then moved from looking at your eyes towards your things you’re trying to juggle with your arms.

“Let me help you.” it was not a question and even before you can say something to politely reject his offer, his hands reaches over to help you carry your things.

“U-Uhm, thanks.” and your eyes drifted over him as he didn't spoke any words after that.

Riki walks you up to where your boyfriend’s car was parked. Sunghoon’s eyes finally caught you and you don’t even know what to tell him while you approach closer.

His strict eyes caught to your things being carried by Riki. When you are steps away from him, he approaches trying to keep a cool smile.

“Baby, you disappeared from behind me.” and he said that while eyes fixed at his bandmate.

“Well if you keep a close eye to your girlfriend, you might’ve noticed how she’s struggling carrying her stuff, hyung.” Riki didn’t even hesitate to say those words at him.

Sunghoon wasn’t happy about it and you can clearly see anger slowly rising through his face. He clicked his tongue at the side of his cheeks and was about to advance towards Riki, but you stopped him.

“Can we just go? It’s already late and I have work tomorrow.” you stared straight at his eyes.

They were arrogantly looking at you, but eventually softening in surrender. He sighs and grabbed your hand to intertwin your fingers before he nods silently. His head snapped over to his friend and he gave him this knowing look before opening the car’s door for you.

He retrieved your things from Riki and placed it neatly behind your car. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything anymore and just went inside his car afterwards. Riki went on his way as well, riding his motorbike that was parked not too far away.

Sunghoon starts his engine and both of you are silent. It was like that for the first few minutes of the drive, until he decides to break it.

“When did you even got close to Riki?” his tone sounds confused and at the same time implicating something.

You furrowed your brows and glanced at him, “He just helped me to carry my things—”

“Exactly! He doesn’t do that at all, y/n.” the way he said your name was with emphasis. Like telling you that its a serious matter for him. A big deal. But again, when did it never became a big deal when other boys gets involve with you?

“And? I’m his bandmate’s girlfriend. Isn’t it okay for him to help me?!” now, you can’t help but to feel upset about this because you are tired already and he’s making an argument just because Riki helped you.

“You’re just really clueless with your surroundings. You will never understand.” the way his grip tightens at the steering wheel and his jaw clenches caught your attention.

You wanted to just yell at him and point out how he’s being unreasonable and plain childish about this, but you are too drained. Its late already, you’re tired from the office, your feet hurts with this dumb heels and you feel sticky from all the travel you did just to get to their gig. Having an argument with him was the last thing you expected to have.

“Its not my fault that my boyfriend forgot about me and walks off.” you sighed and he was silent after hearing that from you.

“Can’t you just be thankful that he helped me and I didn’t broke an arm from carrying all those stuff?” this time, you tried to soften your tone as a sign of time-out from this nonsense argument he was trying to put up with.

You saw his grip softens and he released a heavy sigh. “Fine.” he glanced at you and his brows are not hardly furrowed anymore. His eyes softens as well. “I’m sorry, baby. Its not my intention to make you feel like I forgot you, I was just really excited.”

With pursed lips, you nodded your head and leaned in for a quick peck over his lips.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t spoil the mood. You were really great from a while ago.” you complimented him, finishing it with your warm smile.

Something warm caress his heart. This is one of the reasons why he can never let you go. Most people would’ve walked out on him or hate at him, but not you. Never.

You will always find a way to find the goodness in him. Even if 99 problematic things about him are presented in front of you, you’ll still find that 1 good thing about him.

You always know the perfect words to calm him down or make him feel better.

He reached over your hand that was resting over your thighs and took it over his lips for a soft kiss. His gaze never left your eyes.

“Thank you for today, really.” he sighs, trying to supply himself more oxygen as he feels like you’re taking his breaths away once again.

“I love you.”

A smile spreads across your face and your free hand stretched out towards him to cup his face. “I love you, Hoon.”

These are the moments you wanted to keep no matter what. Reasons why despite the hardships you go through with Sunghoon, you always manages to find a reason to stay.

But of course, there’s not always good times in your relationship. What else gives it spice other than petty arguments and very random fights with each other?

Months after, the band had another big gig and of course you went to support him like usual. To your surprise, they had a guest singer. Female singer to be exact. And the way she interacts with your boyfriend just can’t leave your mind. It’s bothering you.

“You two seems close.” the comment was short and your eyes watch how your boyfriend load his things inside his car while you rest your back beside it.

Sunghoon threw you a short glance and narrowed his brows.

“What do you mean?”

“You and that girl.” the way you pronounced the word ‘girl’ with so much emphasis gave off hints towards him that you’re implying something.

His shoulder fell as he stared at you for a while, like unconsciously asking if you’re being serious with the choice of tone you decided to use at him. He sighs, when he realized you aren’t budging, but instead crossed your arms at him.

He’s already too tired to even explain things that you won’t listen to. So he struts closer you, held you over your hips and planted a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Let’s just go home, hot stuff. I’m tired.” and he walks over to the driver’s seat not even bothering to open the door for you.

But it seems like you are in the mood to be petty. So even after you made it to the passenger seat and he started driving on your way home, you bring up that topic once again.

“I saw the way she looks at you. I bet she’s undressing you in her mind.”

It made him sigh and roll his eyes. “Seriously? Are you going to talk about that until we makes it to the apartment?”

“Why? You irritated already?” you tilt your head and he glanced at you with piercing gaze. It didn’t bother you at all. If he’s pissed, then you are too.

“You didn’t even introduce me to her.”

His fingers taps his steering wheel more frequently and bit his lips. He sighs, calming himself.

“I did. I even told her your name.”

“But you didn’t told her that I’m your girlfriend!” it was so petty. Even you, you also think that this is such a nonsense thing to argue off. It’s just seeing her look at your boyfriend that way while you’re there doesn’t sit right for you.

Sunghoon scoffed loudly and even if he have a smirk on his face, there was no humor on it. He’s slowly losing his patience.

The wiper of his car moves when it suddenly started raining. It’s the last thing you care about. Your focus is on the hot drummer that’s currently driving you home in your shared apartment. The hot drummer that’s clenching his jaw hardly while trying his best not to argue with you. The hot drummer whose lips so red after you kissed him multiple times to make that bitch know her place. The hot drummer that is clenching his jaw hardly because you keep pushing his buttons at the moment.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” he couldn’t help, but curse.

“Be honest with me. Are you two close? Because with the way she linked her arms, it seems like so.”

He rolled his eyes as he teared his gaze off of you and back to the road. The rain are still pouring hard that its a little difficult to drive.

“You really aren’t going to stop unless I answer your questions, are you?” he surrenders. You didn’t answer and just crossed your arms while looking at him. Waiting for what he’s about to say.

He gave you another short glance as he shook his head. Like he couldn’t believe what situation you just put him into.

Honestly, you don’t know what exactly it is that you wanted to hear from him. If he answers that he doesn’t know her that long, you will still feel pissed because why the hell does she acts like they’ve been best friends ever since they were born? And if he answers, yes they know each other for a long time, you will feel really bad because you will feel jealous.

“We’ve known each other since highschool. Even before the band started playing in other places.” he says.

Your shoulder fell and he saw it from his peripheral view. He knew you won’t feel so good about it, but he also know that lying about it will only make the situation worse. The car fell silent right after he said it.

“Is she your ex-girlfriend?” that question doesn’t sound like you are asking him. Its more like you already know and just expecting an answer from him.

“No, okay? So calm your dumbass.” he’s starting to lose his patience for you.

You’ll be honest, you kind of thought he would say yes. That actually made you feel better. But not enough to let her slip away from your mind. Those eyes. The way she looks at you just boils something inside you.

“Did you two kissed before?” you fired him that question with more suspicion.

When you saw the look on his face, you felt something in your heart cracks. It definitely stab something in you when his expression confirmed that.

With slightly teary eyed, you raised your chin up to ask him your last question.

“Did you have sex with her?” bitterness latched through your voice and you bit your lower lip when he stayed silent again. Confirmed.

“Pull over.” you command and harshly wiped the tears that escaped.

He sighs, “Baby, come on...” he pursed his lips and even tried to reach over you.

“I said pull over!”

He clenched his jaw tighter then obliged, knowing well you will just fall into a much worse mood if he don’t do as you say. He’s expecting you to hit him by his arm or shout at him again, but he surely didn’t expect you storming out from his car. He didn’t see that one coming.

Between you two, he’s the jealous one. There are rare times that you get jealous and when it happens, its so hard to calm you down. Sunghoon’s heart is thumping hard, slightly thrilled to watch you acting like this. The oh so perfect, y/n. Shouting and acting crazy out of jealousy. He bet he’s the only one who made you feel like this.

“Y/n!” he shouts and went after you.

The rain starts to pour harder, but it didn’t bothered you at all. You marched away from his car, towards the nearest bus stop. With just a few steps, he managed to catch up on you and grabbed your arm then yanked you towards him.

“Let me go!” you screamed at him.

Sunghoon’s clenching his jaw as he stares at your face carefully. It was hard to tell if you’re crying or not due to the rain that’s slowly soaking you both. Despite your attempts to free yourself, Sunghoon just tightens his grip and kept his stares over you.

“Stop being a brat and let’s go back inside the car! We’re both drenched because of you!”

You clenched your jaw and hands into fists. People who passes by will probably think that you’re both losing your minds. Going out in the middle of the rain and fighting at 2 am. Thankfully, there are fewer cars driving through.

“I cannot believe you fuck that bitch!” it was rare enough to see you shouting, but much more rare to hear you cursing like this.

“It was a long time ago!” he renew his hold and this time reached for the other arm. The wetness of your skin kind of makes it slippery, but he knew he won’t let go of you.

“That happened before you, y/n! And it means nothing for me.”

“Clearly isn’t the same for her?!” you stopped resisting and just stay still, glaring at him.

“The way she links her arms and flirts with you drives me insane! Like I want to pull you away and kiss you in front of her type of insane!”

Sunghoon’s dumbfounded. He knows he should not feel so happy about what he heard, but he is. Just by thinking of you going crazy to the point you’ll insist public affection is making his heart race. To think you are crazy for him as he is to you, is driving him even more crazier. He just couldn’t get enough of you.

“Then why didn’t you?” this time he seems more calmer that made your narrowed brows falter. He was just screaming at you too, now he’s a lot calmer.

“I’m yours, y/n. I belong to you so claiming me in front of anybody is no problem at all.” he says and took another step closer. Your bodies pressed together and when he noticed that you aren’t trying to escape his hold anymore, he raised his hand to cup your face.

“I don’t fucking care if she tries to flirt with me. I don’t care about her. All I care about is you.” his eyes slowly roams his eyes to your pretty face.

“Yes, we did kissed and fucked before,” he sighs and your lips pursed into a pout but let him finish what he wants to say.

“But she never made me feel like this.” he held one of your hand then rest it above his chest, enough for you to feel his racing heartbeat.

“She doesn’t make me nervous whenever she stares at my eyes. She doesn’t give me butterflies whenever she smiles at me or melt my heart whenever she hold me.” your eyes water from his sincere words as he licked his lower lip, gaze not leaving you.

Both of you are soaked, but it didn’t bother you at all. Sunghoon’s bangs covers his forehead, some beads of rains falling from it over to your face as he stare down at you.

“That’s all you, love. Only you can make me feel madly in love. Like I will go crazy because I love you too much.” a tear fell from his eyes along with the raindrops from his hair. He looked ethereal staring at you lovingly, with so much emotions that makes your heart burst because of exceptional happiness.

“That’s the way I love you.” he murmured near your lips before you leaned to press a hot kiss for him.

“I love you so much, Hoon.” and this time, it was his turn to lean and kiss you passionately.

Disregarding the fact that you are under the hard pouring rain, sharing probably one of the most memorable kisses of your relationship, you’re mind is clouded by how intense your feelings are for the man that holding you right now. It’s funny how moments ago you’re just screaming at each other and now, your lips feels so hot connected together.

But it seems like, love is not enough to keep the relationship steady. And just like what older people used to say, everything is bad when its too much.

Being with Sunghoon felt like a dream with nightmares, clear blue oceans with big dangerous waves and a freaking roller coaster ride. Sometimes you’re so happy that you feel like your heart will burst with so much emotions and sometimes you feel like everything’s too much. That its tiring and draining you.

It somehow toxicating. And this toxic relationship with Sunghoon is honestly tiring you.

“And now you are giving me the silent treatment? Wow!” his sarcasm rubs on you, making your heart feel more heavy.

“I have nothing to say to you after what you just did, Sunghoon.”

“What? You’re mad because I embarrassed him? He’s clearly hitting on you!” your head snaps at him with glaring eyes.

“He’s just being nice and he’s my head supervisor!” your tone raised and he didn’t liked it in one bit.

Sunghoon’s always the jealous boyfriend. You actually couldn’t understand why he’s being like this when you already made it so clear that he’s the only one for you. That there’s no man that can ever steal you away from him.

“Oh, okay. I see...” he clenched his jaw before laughing with no humor. He faced the road and tried hard to focus on driving.

“If you want to impress your supervisor so much, why bring me with you?!” his statement made you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Because you’re my boyfriend and I want you to be there for me! Will it hurt so much to be supportive or know something about what your girlfriend loves to do?! It’s not always going to be about you, Sunghoon! I need you to be there for me too!”

Your words may had come out wrongly, but all you wanted is for him to be for you. It was a thrilling day since employees should make good impressions to the supervisors to show how fit and reliable they are for the company, but your bofriend just made a scene and now you have no idea how you will show up to work on Monday.

“I told you already that these type of events are not for me! People are clearly looking down on me for having such a wonderful girl like you! They will always rub it on my face how perfect you are and that you deserve so much better!” his tone raised and it made you jolt a bit.

“And it seems like you just don’t get it! You kept on forcing me to go and I hated it! You are just determined to prove me that they’re so right!”

Your heart cracks and his words are like knives straight to your heart. You know him. Whenever he’s mad, he ought to say words he doesn’t mean. That’s his way of avoiding to show what he truly feels. You can tell by his blood-shot eyes and clenching jaw. But you are tired. You are tired of understanding him.

“Is that how you really see me? Do you really think that that’s what I’m doing?”

He clenches his jaw, being stubborn. “Maybe you are really ambitious and I’m just the stupid boyfriend who knows nothing but to enjoy music.” he says emotionless.

A tear left your eye. You can’t take this anymore. You had enough.

“Stop the car.” it was almost audible, but thanks to the deafening silence after what he said made it clear and loud. He furrowed his brows and looked at you, checking if you’re being serious.

You two have been arguing about you and this job for a week. And the event is today and Sunghoon just ruined it for you. Honestly you’re getting enough of it. With all the stress from your work and family, he suppose to be your resting place. But that’s not the case anymore.

He did stop the car and even before you open it, he said something. “The moment you leave, we’re done.” he said coldly.

You halted from stepping outside and felt your heart crack, but you knew you needed it and so you did. You left him.

“Jake’s so sweet, y/n! I truly envy you for having him as your boyfriend!” one of your friends exclaimed right after Jake left your table to go order some food.

You gave them a small smile. They’re right. Jake is really the best boyfriend. He treats you very well. He’s everything you’ve asked for before. A caring and loving boyfriend. He’s working in the corporate world, which matches yours. He’s very gentle towards you, always got the doors for you, he never makes you wait, he cares for what you want and a man of his words. He felt like so warm to be with, someone you can be comfortable with easily.

“Yeah,” you replied short with a small smile on your lips. They giggle, truly happy for you.

“Thank God you snapped out of it and finally got the man you deserve.” one of them says that made your smile falter.

She didn’t mention anything or any name, but you knew who she’s referring to and what she means by that sentence.

An awkward laugh from another friend broke the silence and just diverted the topic. You tried to pull up your smile once again, especially after seeing from a distance that Jake’s already on his way back to your table.

He sets himself at the chair beside you and smoothly made a conversation with your friends. He’s very friendly too. He gets along with people with no sweat. Such a pure man.

You’re about to put a straw to your drink, but he beats you out of it. He reached for it and carefully slid it towards you while still talking to your friends. It made you smile. Being treated like this sure feels right, feels okay. But why does your heart feel a little heavy?

Jake threw his arm and placed it behind your chair, hand caressing your arm gently. You pushed whatever that feeling is behind your mind and tries to join their conversation as well.

The day went smoothly and now Jake dropped you at your place. As you unclasped your seatbelt, he went out of the car then walked around so he can open your door for you. He even offered a hand with that warm smile of his.

A chuckle slips off from you before you accepted it and went out. His other hand rests over your hip as he slightly pins you to his car to place a kiss over your lips. He smiles after a couple of pecks then leans away to stare at your eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” he says sincerely that made you smile widely. Jake and his words.

“You’ve been saying that all day, Jake.”

He chuckles, biting his lips feeling a little shy. “Just so you wouldn’t forget.”

“Thank you.” you said while looking straight to his eyes.

He might take it as a thank you for today, but there’s more to it. Jake’s the next serious relationship after Sunghoon and it can’t be helped to compare the two of them. Even if you know its not good to do that, you just can’t stop yourself from doing so. They’re very different from each other.

“No problem.” he leans again to give you another peck.

“See you tomorrow, baby.” Jake said with a soft smile. You nodded and waved before going inside your apartment and called it a day.

It’s been almost a year ever since that night and yet its still fresh from your memory like it was just yesterday. You resigned from your previous job. You wanted so bad to convince everybody that it was because you’re embarrassed by what happened prior to it, but no. It was mainly because you kind of blamed it for losing your relationship. Kind of dumb, but maybe you are really insane when it comes to him.

Sunghoon never contacted you after that. You didn’t hear from him ever since and honestly it pissed and got you butt hurt. Well, you did change your number and blocked him from all your social media but you kind of hoped he will try to reach out for you.

Seems like it was meant to end that way.

Some people from your life kept telling you that you did the right thing, that it was the best decision you’ve ever made. You got a new job, got a new boyfriend that your parents approved. They adore Jake so much. He’s so close to your Mother and to your Dad as they’re both into business.

You should be happy about it. You are happy. But a part of you aches for someone. A bitter feeling lingers inside you because they never tried to open their heart for Sunghoon before. It makes you think that if they did, maybe things went a little more okay.

You threw your head back and stared at the ceiling. A slight guilt crept inside your heart. You got the perfect boyfriend you’ve been praying for and he’s treating you right. He barely even fight with you as he was always understanding.

But as stupid as it sounds, you missed screaming and fighting with Sunghoon. Those instense moments that just brings out much more emotions within you that makes you act insane.

These thoughts are making you crazy so you decided to take a quick shower and just call it a day. You went to bed with eyes brimmed with tears, aching and missing him so bad. It frustrates you because you feel helpless, unable to do anything about it. You’re scared to think that you are still thinking of him right now while he’s happy with someone else.

The next thing you know, it was morning already. Your eyes hurts a bit for crying to sleep last night so you’re slightly out of it when you went to your office.

“Do you want some coffee? Looks like you need one.” one of your officemates offered that you returned with a small pout.

“Please.” and she nods before going to the pantry for a while to get you your coffee.

“Here you go.” and she gently placed it on your working table. You mumbled a small ‘thanks’ as she settles at her chair beside yours.

“Oh!” your head craned to glance at her. “We will be meeting the new potential investors to our company later. I heard one of them is really good looking.” she giggles that made you smirk.

“You know its not always just by the looks, right?”

She rolled her eyes, “Easy for you to say because you have a gorgeous boyfriend!”

You laughed, “That is right.”

You joked around for a while before you’re asked to prepare for the arrival of the vip guests. Soon after, your head supervisor walks in and behind her are men wearing suits and tie. Looking like some young bachelors. Tall and handsome men.

As your eyes shifted to the last one who walks inside, your heart dropped. His familiar fair skin, charcoal black hair, noise pointy with a pretty mole at the side of it, eyes blank surrounded with thick and pretty eyelashes, topping it with his thick eyebrows that makes his skin color glow even more. His lips naturally red and luscious. Your knees weakened at the sight and heart started to race.

“Oh my god, Y/n!” she whispered beside you and even wiggled a little like as if she was got electicuted.

“He's so handsome!”

Oh hell yes he is. And your eyes watered at the sight of him. The familiar feeling of longing occupies your whole system. Park Sunghoon stood there looking so breathtaking. You missed everything in him and you hate how he looked so okay.

He unconsciously roamed his eyes around and accidentally met yours. It grew slightly, clearly not expecting seeing you. His lips parted a bit and didn’t glanced away.

“Y/n?” she snapped you out of your thoughts and you quickly teared your gaze away, feeling ashamed for staring too long. He probably saw you looking like a loser for being affected too much.

Sooner, they guided you inside to start the meeting and you kept on shifting from your seat. Having meeting like this is normal for you already, but now that you have your ex boyfriend sat at the other end of the table makes you really conscious.

“You okay?” your office mate might’ve noticed your weird demeanor so she looked concern.

You flashed her a shy smile and nodded then tried to focus on the person talking. But a minute after, your mind is drifting somewhere else once again. Even before you know it, your eyes shifts to where he was sat and to your surprise, he’s looking at you already.

You glanced away and cleared your throat. Embarrased that he caught you stealing glances at him.

When you couldn’t take it anymore, you turned over your supervisor and tried excusing yourself. Making up a lie that you’re not feeling well. She seemed to buy it and asked you to take a rest. Without wasting anytime, you stood up and politely excused yourself from the meeting.

A few steps out from the conference room and you heard it opened again. You ignored it and tried calming yourself, but the memory of Sunghoon’s eyes flashed before your eyes. Your eyes got teary. Seeing him just awoke your sleeping feelings for him that you tried to bury deep inside your heart.

“Y/n.” and a hand halted you from making another step.

You glanced at the person who stopped you and your heart thumped even faster. His brows narrowed and eyes looked concern.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave the meeting?” his tone sounded so soft and it makes you want to cry on the spot.

Now that you’re face to face and this close to each other, you can see how much he grown. He slightly changed. Good change, mostly. He looked even more mature and manly. His familiar manly scent invaded your nose that draws in so many memories of you two.

“Y-Yes,” and you flashed him a fake smile. “How are you, Sunghoon? It’s b-been a while.”

His shoulder relaxed after hearing that you’re okay. His eyes dropped to his hand holding your arm and slowly, he lets go of it.

“I’m good.” he responded briefly before roaming his eyes on your face. His heart aches.

“It looks like you’ve been doing well.” there's a hint of sadness looming over his tone, but you tried to ignore it thinking that you’re just mishearing it.

“Yeah.”

“Good to know.” it sounded a little sarcastic.

“Why are you here? Did you stop playing with your band?” the question you wanted to ask so bad. It was odd enough to see him here and much weirder because you know how much he hates wearing suit and ties. Tho you must admit that he looks so good on it.

He smirks, bitterness over his eyes.

“I still do, but not as often as before.”

“Ohh,” you sounded sad because you are. You know how much he loves doing that.

You’re about to say something else when your phone rang. You fished it from your pocket and when you saw your boyfriend’s caller id, you felt like someone slapped you back to reality. You want to hurt yourself for starting to act crazy once again just after seeing your ex boyfriend.

When you glance back at him, you saw his eyes darted at your phone with a cold expression on his face. You gulped, feeling nervous before you answered it.

“Baby!” the cheerfulness over Jake’s voice spreads guilt on your chest pretty fast. A tsunami on the shore, coming unexpected.

“H-hey, babe.” you murmured and steal a glance over at Sunghoon.

His expression fell cold as he straighten his back, not leaning anymore so he can slightly match your height. His hands slid inside his pocket as he stared at you intensely. His eyes are piercing right at you, like a cop catching you red-handed. To why he is still standing there and not leaving is slightly a mystery for you.

“Hi sweetheart. I called just to remind you about later tonight.” he says, accent coming a little strong.

Now you’re attention had been snatched away from the beautiful man standing right in front of you. With a confused face, you wondered what he is talking about. Trying to remember if you missed any plans he had made for the two of you tonight.

“T-Tonight? What’s up tonight?” and you slightly turned away from Sunghoon for some privacy. But you can still feel his heated gaze, burning holes at the back of your head.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?” he asks, slightly taunting. You didn’t respond and just wait for him to reveal about it.

“We’re having dinner at your parents tonight, baby.”

You draws in a sigh and hand raised to massage your temple.

“Oh, that was today.”

He chuckles, “Yes. Don’t worry, I got your Mom’s favorite flower and your Dad’s wine.”

You bit your lower lip for another perfect boyfriend scenario he just pulled.

“Thank you, babe. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Hmm, i love you.”

You stood cold on your feet. The words are at your tongue, you just have to say it but for some reasons, something’s stopping you.

“Babe?” Jake’s voice snapped you back to reality and you cleared your throat then chuckles.

“S-Sorry, spaced out a little. I l-love you too, Jake. See you later.”

He chuckles, “Okay, cutie. Have a nice day.” and then he ended the call.

The silence and heavy atmosphere enveloping you and Sunghoon are undescribable. You’ve never had something like this with him. Even during your biggest fights, its never been like this.

Slowly, you glanced at him and his eyes looked cold. For a brief moment, it seemed like you saw sadness on it but when he saw you looking he switched it right in. His jaw clenches as he stares right at you, like waiting for you to say something to him.

“U-Uhm, nice seeing you again. See y-you around, Sunghoon.” and you turn your heels, ready to leave him when he said something.

“So it was that easy for you to find someone else, huh? Glad to finally know it.” his words are filled with nothing but slight anger and bitterness.

“Excuse me?” you whipped your head to look at him with furrowed brows.

“You left me and find someone new. It was easy for you.”

“You. Made. Me. Leave. You.” each words was emphasize so you can make your point.

“And what do you know about what I feel? It was not easy for me!” your tone raised because of how he just made you upset with what he said.

“Doesn’t seem like it for me.”

You thought he changed, but clearly he didn’t. You are dumb enough to be shaken by him.

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” and you turned around, having the firm decision of leaving and getting him out of your sight.

Two steps and he managed to grab your wrist once again. He sighs, heavy sighs.

“O-Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” he licked his lips and gently made you face his way.

When he saw through your eyes how he hurt you again with his words, he almost want to hit himself. He already knew what went wrong before. How he fucking messed everything up. How selfish he is. And he doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes once again.

He was always someone whose hard to read. Yes, you are one of the very few people who can understand him right away, who can read through him from time to time and definitely one of the top people who can deal with his shits. Sunghoon’s not really good at showing how he cares to people. He have his own ways of showing them, and he thought that was enough. But he was wrong.

Sunghoon loves you. He loves you so much that he changed a lot ever since you left. He changes his way of thinking and even exerted effort to become someone better for you. It's such a shame that it took him to lose you to realize things.

The thing is no matter how confident he is to a lot of things back then, a part of him was secretly insecure. Insecurities that built up through the journey of having you as his partner. You’re a wonderful person and he always think that he was very lucky to have you. And so the insecurity and fear of losing you gets the best of him.

Being someone whose not expressive and overthinks a lot isn’t a very good combo. Makes him do a lot of stupid things that hurts you so much. He was so regretful of those times and if he can do anything just to go back to fix everything, he will. But he can’t go back. There’s no such thing as time machine.

What he can do is try. Try to make you feel how sorry he was. Try to make you see a different him, a better version of him. The better version that he strive to be just for you. And try to make you feel how much he loves you.

“I’m really sorry for what I did back then.” he started and licked his lips. He kept sighing heavily to ease his nervous feelings, calming his racing heart.

He had rehearsed the words he wants to tell you once he saw you again, but they all became pointless as his mind went blank just by having you standing in front of him.

“Not just the last night we are together,” he felt his heart break by the mention of it. One of the nights he regretted the most. “but I’m sorry for everything. I was so dumb to realize things much faster. I was an idiot for not treating you better.” he licked his lips and stared right to your eyes.

“I love you, y/n. I still do.” the tears pooling your eyes starts to stream down your face.

“The same type of love I feel for you back then. I love you so much that it hurts. It didn’t change at all. It was always you for me.”

Right now, you felt like your heart is being squeezed so hard. These words you wanted to hear from him back then are finally happening. But things are a lot more complicated as it is. Jake’s face flashes through your mind and you can’t take hurting him.

And also because you still feel so hurt he didn’t do anything just to make you stay. Why now? Why now when you’re a little okay already?

Your lips trembles as you open them to speak.

“You know if you only went after me that night, I would’ve stayed. I would not leave you.” you says in your low voice.

His eyes softens and tighten his grip on you. Your eyes dropped at his hand and it took everything in you to unclasp his hold.

“I’m sorry, Sunghoon. A lot of things changed already, but,” your words halted. ‘But I still love you.’ were the words you wanted to say.

You shut your eyes and opens them, trying to hide your real feelings for him.

“I do kind of wish you tried to fix it after we ended. I waited for you.”

You saw him broke and it was so much harder for you. To see him like this is your weakness. You’ve always had a soft spot for him and it will always remain like that.

“Y/n I—” he was cut off when the conference room’s door bursts open.

You quickly wiped off your tears. Thankfully, Sunghoon’s built was enough to cover you from whoever that is.

“I have to go. Good bye.” and without sparing him another glance, you stormed out of the scene. Leaving the place. Leaving Sunghoon and leaving your heart with him.

The encounter with your ex boyfriend just made you disoriented. You spaced out most of the day and you’re thankful that the people in your workplace just thought you are not feeling well. They didn’t asked much about it and just gives you space.

When Jake came to pick you up, you felt so much worse. His sweet smiles makes you so guilty. It felt so bad. You feel horrible for still having feelings for your ex when he was there with you. Treating you good like how you wanted.

“Jake! My boy!” your Dad’s cheerful voice errupted the whole room as he went to give him a hug.

You watch how he connected with your parents and it made you think about the times with Sunghoon. They’ve never been like that towards him. Your mother’s a little nicer than your Dad, but she never really tries to know Sunghoon as he is a little intimidating for her. That’s what she said.

Your Dad on the other hand just flat out shut his doors for him. After knowing what he does, he straight up dislikes him without even trying to get to know him more.

It made you feel bad for Sunghoon. Just by thinking of how would he react if he saw this scene of your parents warmly welcoming Jake to your home will hurt him like hell. And that’s what you did to him before. You kept on forcing him into this when you knew it was a low case already. You kept rubbing salt to the open wounds your parents had created to him.

“Honey, you all right?” your Mom took notice of your silence. The two guys looked at your way with concerns in their eyes.

You quickly pulled a small smile for them.

“I just don’t feel so well today, Mom.” she coos and cupped your face.

“Oh my cupcake. Let’s go eat already, I’m sure it will be gone once you have your favorite soup.” and she even gave you a hug.

Your Dad caress your arms and asked you two to follow them so you can start eating dinner already. Jake’s hands settles on the small of your back, eyes looking at you with so much concern.

“You okay, baby?”

You nodded with a small smile before he guided you towards the dining area. The dinner started and the three of them were the ones talking most of the time. You tries to join and forcedly laugh from time to time while eating so little. Just to avoid suspicion from them.

“I’m really glad you found Jake, y/n! He’s such a great match for you. Unlike that boy...” the scowl on his face appears for the first time tonight.

Your smile falters and you quickly fell on a foul mood. Your father always hated him. He never saw his efforts.

You lowered your head, doesn’t really want to hear more about it.

“He has a thick face for showing up here in our home multiple times months ago to look for y/n!” he added, sounding so upset about it.

Your hand halted from playing with your food after his words slowly sink into your system. You lift your head and stared at your Dad with furrowed brows.

“Sunghoon went here? When?” you asked in a speed of light. Doesn’t want them to bury this topic.

Your Mom and Jake was surprised to how you reacted.

“A week after you left his sorry ass. You know I was so pissed at him for coming back over and over again even after I told him you don’t want him anymore and that he should just leave you alone. You are better off without him. Maybe he is really just that stupid—”

“Why didn’t you told me this before?” your tone sounded so accusing. The look of betrayal on your eyes burns towards your Father.

“I don’t see the need of mentioning that to you. He’s already out of the picture. I really hate that boy. He’s bad for you. I never understand why you loved someone like him?”

“You never really tried to get to know him so how would you understand?”

“Pardon?” your Father’s expression looked offended by how you said the last sentence.

You stood up abruptly, making a dragging sound from your chair. They all looked at you with confusion on their faces.

“I should’ve known you can do something like that, Dad. I should’ve known Sunghoon will come here to look for me despite knowing that he will get nothing but mistreatment. I should’ve known.” you started marching out from the room and you can hear Jake calling out for you, but you couldn’t care more.

All you can think of was how hard must it been for Sunghoon. Now all his words from a while ago hits you differently. The way his eyes flashes sadness and how he looked so broken just made your heart crack into a million pieces.

He maybe a mess, but he is your mess. He is your person, your other half.

“Y/n hold on,” your steps halted right when you are at the front porch of your house.

Jake went after you and when you saw how scared his eyes and how he looked so broken, it hurts you. But you knew it will just break him more if you continue being with him when your heart clearly belongs to someone else.

“Where are you going?” he asks, even if he knew the answer already.

“I’m really sorry Jake. I love you, really.” you licked your lips and tears pooled the corner of your eyes.

“But I still love him. It’s still him.”

You’ve never seen Jake like this before. You are so used at seeing him smile that seeing him this broken, hurts you so much.

“Are you serious? No...” he chuckles with no humor, blinking rapidly to push those tears back inside his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jake. You deserve someone who will love you with all their heart and that person is not me.” and you removed his hand from your arm.

A tear left his eyes, but you turned away. You are being selfish again and choosing what will make you truly happy.

After calling a cab, you told the driver the address of your old apartment you shared with Sunghoon. Hoping that he’s still staying in that place, otherwise you will have to go ask his friends.

On the way to him, you realized a lot of things. You realized his little efforts that kept you going through the relationship. You started seeing how he’s imperfectly perfect for you. That despite his flaws, he’s always been the only one who loves you genuinely. The person who will love you even if you fail. The person who you can show your vulnerable side and still think you’re the most wonderful person.

You went out of the cab and just right in time, the rain poured. It reminded you that same night where you ended things with Sunghoon. Starting to get drenched, you walked towards the apartment building that you used to stay in with him. The same apartment that holds so much memories.

On the other hand, inside the apartment, Sunghoon’s brows were hardly furrowed while he head over his door after hearing a doorbell. He's a little confuse as he expects nobody for tonight.

He opens it and quickly, the annoyed expression over his face was replaced with a surprised one.

“Y/n?” he uttered seeing you standing in front of his unit, all drenched.

Your eyes softens at the sight of him. Seeing him in his white plain shirt and black shorts that he always use to wear whenever you two stays inside. You felt so happy seeing him. Your mouth opens to say something but eyes shifted at the back of him.

The relief you felt washes away at the sight of a girl coming out from the comfort room.

“Who is it, oppa?” she asked and you felt so dumb.

You are stoned at your position for a while before starting to step away. You probably looked like a freaking loser being all drenched and crashing to his apartment. Your heart broke again if its possible as it was already broken, then you cleared your throat. Tears streaming nonstop.

“I-I’m sorry. I should’ve not come here...” and you stormed off.

You heard him calling out for you, but you didn’t stop. Trying to save some dignity left in you. The rain is still pouring hard when you arrived outside but you didn’t care. You walked like a lifeless being with no direction to go to. People stared, but you just ignored them. You are hurting so bad and you wished that the rain will wash it away.

“Y/n!” a scream halt your step.

His familiar voice echoes inside your mind and you heard rummaging steps approaching you. You wanted to run and save a face, but you didn’t. Your heart felt so heavy.

Two shoes came into your view and slowly you lift your head up. Sunghoon’s starting to get drenched by the rain too, but like you he seems to not care. His chest rises up and down, trying to catch his breath after running after you. He’s wearing a jacket now on top of his white t-shirt which is useless as its slowly getting wet as well.

You looked at him with broken stares.

“Why are you here?” he asks, hoping that you came here to tell him that you want him back. That you want him as much as he wants you.

Your lips tremble and hot tears brimmed your eyes. It made it a little harder to see his face clearly because of the rain, but you tried hard. Sunghoon notices and stepped closer, head slightly covering your face from the pouring rain as he stares down on you.

“I c-came to tell you that a lot of things already changed,” you started and tried to push away your pride. This time, you wanted to do it right.

“but my feelings for you remained the same. I love you, Sunghoon. I love you so much that my heart felt like it stopped beating when I left you. I love you so much that I knew I will never be the same again after we broke up. I love you so much that I ended things with Jake just so I can be happy again. It’s making me lose my mind, making me act insane. And that’s the way I love you.”

Sunghoon licked his lower lip and the rain was cold, but his heart was warm. God, how he missed feeling this way.

“And I know I hurt you before. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for leaving that night and for thinking you didn’t try to fix it. I’m really sorry—” your words were cut off when he smashed his lips on yous.

Your hand reached over his clothes, holding it tightly for support system. His kisses started aggressive, like he wanted to do that for so long. Like he’s been deprived of it. The kiss lasted for a while until he leans away to catch his breath, you followed his lips for a few more pecks then his forehead rests on yours.

He cupped your face, warming it using his warm hands. While staring at his eyes, your loving gaze suddenly changed with a glaring eyes.

“What?”

“Who’s that girl at your apartment?” your question are like an interogation.

He smirks and chuckles. He even tries to kiss you, but you leaned away making him whine a little.

“She’s my cousin. She stayed overnight at our apartment after going out with her friends. She’s about to leave now.” you quickly melt when he addressed the apartment as yours and his.

You pout and calmed down. He chuckles and made your noses touch, staring at your eyes loving.

“I love you.” he says, placing another hot kiss on your lips. Your heart aches, but this time in a good way. You felt like you are finally where you should be. Inside his arms.

main master-list

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permanent tag-list:

@rubyanne @map-of-border @hwangjangmi @love13tter @candewlsy @simpforniki @classicroyalty @bridgebridgebirdiebridge @hime98 @moonsclassyslore @ddeonubaby @yeoungie @acciomylove @mymeloem19 @jvngw0n @dreamjerky @minamoons @clar-iii @herasalvatore @nyfwyeonjun @rcveribin @yizhoutv @one16core @soobin-chois @kyutiepeachy @chareadingpurposes @hwalllllllelujah @solelyenha @90sni-ki @nourhan-8 @nikipedia07 @yangbreads @drunkjazed @axartia @all4haru @sta-rie @purplepuppychild @iceeee @wtfhyuck @tobiosbbyghorl @nikililmj @ayayiiie @aeyeree @heeseung-min @in-somnias-world @psh-pjh @hongshuaknow

#enhypen #eeunoiaverse #eeunoia #eeunoiawrites #enhypen imagines #enhypen fic #enhypen park sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon x you #enhypen sunghoon imagines

[vodika-vibes]

Hello! I've been reading a lot of your content lately and love your writing so much! I was wondering if I could request a little fic about Dogma x a very outgoing, naturally confident social butterfly kind of reader who works on base and a lot of clones seem really into them, but they only ever flirt with him or try to ask him out. And their admirers can't figure out why Dogma of all people but the reader has no kriffs to give and just keeps giving him all their romantic attention until he gets it. Thanks in advance!

Two Souls Intertwined

Summary: You’ve made your choice, you just have to convince Dogma that you mean it.

Pairing: Clone Trooper Dogma x GN!Reader

Word Count: 886

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: Hihi! Thank you for your request! I'm always happy to write for Dogma, so I hope you like this!

“Let me see if I understand you correctly,” You don’t look up from the game you’re playing on your comm as your coworker, and sometimes friend, drops into the seat across from you. “You’re surrounded by attractive men. At all times. And you want Dogma?”

You glance up at the way she says Dogma’s name, “What’s wrong with Dogma?” You ask, offended on his behalf.

“Well...he’s just...he’s not much fun, is he?”

“He doesn’t have to be fun, I like him anyway.”

“Just…” She shakes her head, “I know that so many of the men have a thing for you. And you’re, like, scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

You scowl at her, “I’ve made my choice, and, just for your comments, I’m going to go flirt with him even harder.”

She chokes on her caf, “I...what?”

You throw a cocky grin at her, and push to your feet, downing your caf in one long gulp, before you head out of the break room.

At this time of day, Dogma is probably outside. He likes to take what free time he’s allowed to read something. For a moment, just a moment, you feel bad about interrupting his free time, though you push the guilt aside with ease.

It’s not like he’s ever said, “Leave me alone,” after all.

You head through the halls, and open the door that leads to the courtyard in the middle of the base.

Why this base has a courtyard is beyond you, but you’re glad it does. It offers a nice change of pace from the sterile white and gray halls of the base.

And there he is, sitting under a tree with a datapad in his hands.

A bright smile crosses your face and you dutifully ignore the way that your heart skips when you see him.

You’re well and truly in love with him.

Dogma doesn’t say anything as you walk over to him, and he says nothing as you settle onto the ground next to him. Though he does glance at you when you shift so that your back is pressed against his arm and your head is tilted back to rest on his shoulder.

“Back again?” He sounds more amused than anything.

“Always.” You counter cheerfully.

“You are determined, aren’t you?”

You tilt your head back so you’re able to grin at him.

Dogma’s smile is tiny, but it is there, “Alright. Lay it on me.”

“What?”

“Today’s pick up line.”

You press a hand to your chest, a look of mock offense crossing your face, “I would never-”

“Ah, so I’ve been imagining all of those other pick-up lines, then?” Dogma asks with an arched brow, and you laugh and shift so you’re sitting next to him properly, “You know, my brothers are convinced that you’re using those just to get a reaction out of me.”

You roll your eyes, “They’re just jealous that I only have eyes for you.”

“Or they don’t believe it.” Dogma points out, “I’m sure that there are people who are more similar to you in personality than me.”

“Eh, maybe. But I’m not interested in them, I’m interested in you.” You reply.

Dogma sighs and rubs his hand over his face, “You...someday I’m going to actually believe you when you say stuff like that, and then what are you going to do?”

“Plan our date. Well, schedule our date. I already have our first date planned. We’ll get dinner and go for a walk, and then I’ll kiss you on the way home.” You nod once, “It’ll be perfect.”

He blinks at you, surprised.

You flash a crooked smile, “What? Is it really so hard to believe that I only have eyes for you?”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“Hm, well then.” You muse thoughtfully, “How about this then? I’m in love with you.”

Dogma jolts in surprise, and you smile at him.

“I’m in love with you, and if you’re really not interested then let me know and I’ll leave you alone. But. Until that happens, I’m going to keep pursuing you.”

“...you’re in love with me?” He asks slowly.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Do I need a reason? I like you. You make me feel safe when I’m around you. You don’t judge me for being me.” Your grin widens, “I love you.”

Dogma releases a strangled noise and lifts his datapad to hide his face, “You’re impossible.” he complains, though he drops the datapad and flashes a small smile, “I’d like that date, actually.”

“...really?”

“Really.”

You laugh and fling your arms around him, knocking you both over, “Thank you! It’ll be the best date! You’ll see!”

Dogma just laughs and folds his arms around you, “I’m looking forward to it.” He replies, a warm smile on his face, “But I need you to get off of me.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” You scramble off of him and settle on the grass next to him as he sits back up. “What are you reading, anyway?”

“Want me to read to you?”

“Will you?”

“Yeah,” He flips back to the start of the book, “Get comfortable.”

You shift and drop your head to his shoulder, and as soon as you’re settled, he started reading.

And this, really, is all you ever wanted. Who cares if no one else understands. You certainly don’t.

#star wars #tcw #clone trooper dogma x reader #dogma x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #gn!reader fic #answered asks

[deaf-solitude]

In The Shadow of the Valley Pt. 1 (Squire!Thaddeus x Knight!Reader)

Pairing: Thaddeus x Knight!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings/Tags: Future graphic violence, injury and blood, no use of Y/N, placeholder knight name for the reader, mostly gender-neutral but reader is called “sir” at some points, the reader is called “my lord” a lot too, reader is also a bit of an asshole but dw they soften up

Summary: You’re a knight sworn to the Brotherhood of Steel, and you’ve just lost your asshole squire to a yao guai. Maybe it’s for the better, as you prefer to work alone anyway. Unfortunately, the Brotherhood thinks otherwise and quickly sends you a replacement. Turns out that the replacement is someone you never wished to meet again, but thankfully, he didn’t know it was you! Not yet, at least.

TDLR; What if Thaddeus was assigned to be your squire instead of Maximus’?

((A/N)) I have no defence for this. I’m so weak for pathetic men it's not even funny 😔 I’m planning on making this a 3 or 4 parter, so this parts a little on the shirt side for simplicity’s sake. Also I swear I’ve been trying to work on some Umbrella Academy stuff, but I got major writer's block for one of my requests that I was super excited to write. I’m hoping this little fallout tangent will kickstart my motivation. Anyway, enjoy my brain rot-induced fanfic bc there’s not enough appreciation for my boy Thaddeus lmao

You really wished you didn’t have to have a squire tagging along with you constantly. Okay, sure, you didn’t want to be carrying that overly-massive bag of shit yourself, but all they ever did was get in the way and die.

That’s how you found yourself in your current position, gripping your radio tightly between your metal-clad hands.

”No, I do not need another squire! Do not send one-“

”A replacement squire is currently on its way to you. Hold position.”

You groaned loudly as you released the call button, feeling inclined to rip the radio out of your suit and be done with the person on the other side of the transmission. You could do this all by yourself. There was no reason to waste yet another squire on a mission that could easily be completed by you and you alone.

Your last squire already had you walking a fine line between focusing on the mission and focusing on not smashing his head into a wall, though the yao guai he pissed off had beaten you to it. You looked back at the cave behind you, where your squire’s mauled body currently resided, deciding to move away from it in favour of getting yourself back on your intended path.

You didn’t stray too far from the general area, however, begrudgingly waiting for the Brotherhood transport to deliver your new squire. You leaned against a tree in wait, sighing heavily as you tilted your head back.

You were starting to regret ever joining this odd faction, though you supposed you didn’t have many other places to turn to as an abandoned child. Some knights had picked you up off the side of the road one day, where you were protecting an injured dog from a small band of rad roaches. You’d been caring for it for days, bringing it any food and water you could scavenge, and you weren’t going to give up on it so easily.

The makeshift spear you made with your small pocket knife tied around the end of a stick made them laugh, and they quickly shot the roaches before offering to take you back to the Brotherhood. They told you that you could help people just like you helped the dog. You, with your big heart and even bigger ambitions, agreed to go with them.

From that foggy interaction, you specifically remembered the look of the squires’ faces when you so readily agreed to tag along. They almost looked remorseful. You understood why now: the Brotherhood was not a very welcoming place to wannabe heroes. You understood that quickly.

…You never did see that dog again.

You weren’t sure how much time passed, maybe a half hour or so, before you could hear the familiar sound of an approaching vertibird. You sighed, pushing off of the tree and straightening up your stance. Here we fucking go.

You hardly had it in you to look up as your new squire rappelled down, the oversized bag he was carrying falling to the ground with a loud thump while he clumsily unhooked his harness.

He had already started talking before he even turned around, sending the rappel lines back up to the vertibird. “Oh, Knight Mire!” You barely registered the familiar voice before you saw his face, and it took everything in you not to scream or curse him out.

It was fucking Thaddeus.

He kept talking even as you froze in place, getting down on one knee and going on some spiel about how he was honoured to be in your charge, but it was drowned out by the ringing in your ears. You were going to strangle this man.

You and Thaddeus didn’t have the… best history. Arriving at the Brotherhood airbase around the same time some other kid—Maximus—did, you were both subject to his horrible bullying for a while. You were able to stand up to him after a while, giving Thaddeus a thorough beating for shoving you past your breaking point in your first few weeks there. You were pulled off of him by some officers and thoroughly scolded by Elder Quintus but returned to normal duties soon enough.

Thaddeus had enough of you after that, avoiding you at all costs as long as you weren’t near Maximus, who was now his group’s primary target. As nice as the younger kid was, he never had it in him to fight back against them. You decided to keep away from him regardless, not wanting to get caught up with those assholes again. Another infraction could’ve meant a much more severe punishment for you, and that was not something you were interested in.

“Uh, Knight Mire?” You were snapped out of your thoughts and looked down at Thaddeus, who was still kneeling and looking up at you with some expression of concern or anxiety. Did he not… recognize you? No, of course, he didn’t: he didn’t know your last name, and as far as he was aware, you were dead as soon as Quintus sent you off base years ago. Being sent off base almost always resulted in death.

Good. That was good.

”Rise, squire,” you commanded, your voice garbled by the voice modifier in your helmet. Thaddeus scrambled to his feet, his posture tense and his arms held closely to his sides. You inspected him a little longer, taking note of his skittish demeanour before brushing past him to resume travelling to your original destination.

“You’ll do,” you commented briefly as you passed him, hardly giving him a second glance to see if he was following.

Thaddeus was a bit taken aback by your words, pausing for a moment to mumble to himself: ”I’ll do…? Do for what?” He blinked and shook his head, rushing to fall in line behind you. He struggled to carry the pack that was nearly as big as he was, stumbling every couple of steps as he tried to balance himself.

”What do we have to do?” He questioned quickly, trying to keep pace with you. Great, still as talkative as he used to be. You could never forget his stupid rants, though they used to be more ill-intended, when he would muster up every possible insult and demeaning phrase he could to try and get you all upset. It worked against him, in the end.

You were tempted to pick up your pace and leave the fucker behind—there was no way he’d be able to keep up with you with that thing on his back—but you decided against it, lest the Brotherhood send you another squire.

”You just have to lug my shit around and try not to die,” you answered begrudgingly, “I will do everything else. That’s all you need to know.” You didn’t need another brainless squire getting in the way of your missions, so you hoped he’d take the hint and shut his mouth. But when did he ever?

”B-but the officers said you’d fill me in-”

You stopped suddenly, causing Thaddeus to run into you. You turned to glare at him the best you could from behind your helmet, but all Thaddeus could see was the intimidating blank stare of your metal face covering as you looked down at him.

“You will follow my command while we’re out in the Wasteland, or you will die. Is that clear?” You growled, taking a step towards Thaddeus while he took two steps back.

“Y-yes, my lord! I-I would never doubt you, m-my lord!” He responded enthusiastically, albeit nervously, eager to stay on your good side. That was going to get old fast. You turned back around to continue walking, slightly picking up your pace as Thaddeus hesitantly began following again.

”M-may I ask you something, though?”

You were unable to stop the sigh that came out of your mouth, the sound garbled and distorted coming out of your voice modifier. That made Thaddeus visibly shrink back, his mouth snapping shut at your disdain.

”Right, no! N-no time for talking. We-we have a mission to complete!” He exclaimed with a finger pointed in the air, unable to expel the shake in his voice from your previous order. Silence fell over the two of you for all of one minute before it was broken: “Do you think we’ll get in any fights out here?”

You were going to kill him, you were sure of it.

#Thaddeus #if thaddeus has no lovers i’m dead #thaddeus fallout #squire thaddeus #thaddeus x reader #Maximus #Maximus fallout #Maximus is mentioned in passing #the brotherhood of steel #knight!reader #reader insert #x reader #mostly gender-neutral #BOS #fallout #fallout show #fanfic #fallout fanfic #he’s silly your honour #i love him

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Heyya! It's me again! 🌙! Been a while since I asked a question:3 btw hru? Love your new fics! And also concerned on how many requests you have. Pls do take your time on making them you could (or have gone) burnt out if you rush. Do take a break from time to time <3. Here are my questions!

Questions for both Sagau x bsd and self aware bsd

1. Did you mention Verlaine in SAGAU X BSD?

2. Where are all the other good genshin characters stay in GL world (like nahida, scaramouche, citizens, etc.) ?

3. Does Nahida and Furina move their people in the real world too?

4. Is Fitzgerald basically the richest person in the world?

5. In the real world, is the government suspicious of Fitzgerald like- suspicious if he is the richest person in the world.

Hello, 🌙 Anon! Long time no see.

I am doing great. Glad that you liked my last fics.

And thank you for your concern. I am doing requests in my own pace, taking enough breaks.

And to your questions.

1. Verlaine was mentioned in this post and in this post. He also has one SAGAU themed meme, and he was requested in Event.

He didn't appear in the fics, for now. I am planning to write about him saving Furina and Melusines from Fortress of Meropide, but, it still in planning.

Can share some plans for future SAGAU x BSD AU Crossover fics

(Right now I am talking about original fics, not including requests and event!)

Fukuzawa and Fukuchi fic. - "A step back". Set right after Reader returned from Teyvat, but before Capitano got into the Real World to capture Reader. About Fukuzawa and Fukuchi taking care of a still almost broken Reader.

Mori, Elise and Zhongli fic. - Mori vs Zhongli

Verlaine and Furina fic I mentioned above

Maybe? An Arlecchino focused fic. A scene, where Arlecchino came to Reader to negotiate about benefits she will get from helping Reader. Will I tie it to BSD Character? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We will see.

Mitchell and Venti fic. Venti, after confronting Fake Creator, is forced to be loyal to them, otherwise they will execute everyone in Mondstadt. He gets an earful from Mitchell.

Another Fukuzawa fic, possibly? Something with Fukuzawa act as an assassin again. Perhaps with Rosaria and Eula, or Lawrence Clan.

Saving Nahida and Aranaras fic. Chuuya? Perhaps Adam and Lucy.

Fake Creator focused fic. About their past, and why they decided to pretend to be a Creator. Possibly with Ayatsuji.

Atsushi fic. Something soft, Atsushi bringing tiger cubs to Reader for petting them.

BEAST Spin Off. Semi-canon for the main crossover. BEAST Characters get into the Real World after Reader returned from Teyvat and BEAST! Mori accidentally scared Reader with his voice.

What if. What if Reader get into Teyvat before BSD Cast got into the Real World and during execution Reader, instead of returning to the Real World, got teleported into BSD World.

2. In BSD Manor. It's big enough to house few more people. If needed, Fitzgerald might order to build one more house (he was planning to do it anyway, in case more BSD Characters appeared in Real World).

Kids helped Aranaras and Melusines build new villages for them.

3. Does Nahida and Furina move their people in the real world too?

It will depend, if most of their citizens will be in danger (example: If Fake Creator ordered Apep to "unleash" jungles on Sumeru, or Neuvillette decided to drown Fontaine), Furina and Nahida will demand for their people to be moved.

Otherwise, if their people aren't in danger, they will see and wait.

BSD Cast, while angry, aren't unreasonable. They understand, why common people chased after Reader (fear, religious beliefs). Their revenge are mostly focused on "playable characters". People in power, who ordered to hunt Reader.

They will try to keep permanent damage to the normal citizens as low as they can.

4. He is quite rich. I won't call him the richest, but he is wealthy.

5. Even if they are, they won't find anything. Fitzgerald is financially clear. For real world, he was just a cosplayer, who decided to play on the stock exchange (Fitzgerald and Alcott) and get a jackpot from online casino (Sigma, Fyodor, Dazai). There is no tax evasion, Fitzgerald is just a very lucky person.

BSD Cast prepared, before going to the real world.

__________

Tag list: @withered-blossoms , @myluckymoon @cocodrilofeliz @c4xcocoa @vvyeislazzy @whisperingwinters @nervousinfluencertidalwave @ayameshu

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #imposter sagau

[rakimaiirisa]

Duty

Reposting my a03 shorts here cause I can :)

Anyhoo somthing I wrote and liked

The slamming of the jail door jolted Arisa awake and she peered up bleary eyed  at the guard who stood before her. Rising to her feet from the dirty cot she had been laying on, she clutched her aching head and  peered up at the guard in  confusion. 

.

“Wha- what's going on? Where am I? “ she demanded, instantly  regretting it as the pounding in her head was made worse by her tone.

Somewhat alert now, she glanced around her surroundings. She was in a cell, the small dirty cot and bucket of water the only things of value in it. Ah.. a jail cell by the looks of it. She took in the sigil of the guard who was eyeing her impatiently. The sigil of Whiterun. Ok, That answered the question as to where she was. Now to find out the why , she thought.

“Guard! why am I here?” she repeated.

The guard snorted in annoyance. 

“ You know why, girl. Now hurry up. The Jarl wants to see you.”

The shove he gave her was anything but gentle. Staggering, she shot him a glare that could have melted snow. Bastard.  Raising her chin, she marched out the cell, the guard humming "The dragonborn comes" in a toneless tune behind her.

As she trailed behind the guard up the winding steps to  Dragons Reach, she struggled to remember what happened the night before. A  series of memories drifted into her thoughts and she mentally unpacked them. She vaguely remembered boasting that she could outdrink anyone in the Bannered Mare. The whoops and hollers of the patrons as she bested some of the more seasoned drinkers.Her dancing to the tune of the "Maiden in the Rye". Crooning a sappy love song to a tall dark haired nord in black war paint as he stared at her in shock. Wait.. what was that last memory?!   She reddened as the memory replayed loud and clear.  

She had been dancing a merry jig when the tall nord had walked in. Hearing the raucous greeting from those all around, she looked up and at that moment, she felt her heart leap into her throat. Vilkas. The man whose heart she had broken when she had left Whiterun 3 years ago to escape her destiny. She watched as he made himself comfortable at the bar, affably chatting with Hilda as he ordered a drink. He hadn't  noticed her but yet he would. 

Before she had time to think, she snatched the lute from Mikael hands and began to strum a familiar tune, one he was sure to recognize. She ignored the bard's outrage for the moment. All that mattered was the song. At the sound, Vilkas paused, lowering his raised mug and slowly turned around. His widened eyes gazed into hers and it felt like time stood still. She didn't know what prompted her, but in that moment, she only knew she had to sing. 

" My heart belongs to You. 

My life is yours till the end. 

Oh, love Let this moment last forever 

Safe in your arms the way we intend."

As the last lyric fell from her lips, she felt someone grasp her arm. Without thinking, she elbowed them  hard in the face. Consequences  be damned.  At the surprised grunt of pain, she turned and found herself facing an angry guard, nose broken and bleeding, with his  sword raised and ready. "By the order of the Jarl, stop right there!" He barked. 

"FUS!"

The shout she sent in his direction was enough to stagger him and as he stumbled, she saw her chance. She raced to the door but unfortunately, her trembling legs gave out halfway there. As the guard shackled her and began to drag her out the inn, she could gaze shame faced at Vilkas who turned away.

A snap of fingers chased away her thoughts and she stared wide eyed at the annoyed guard who pointed at the great Dragons Reach door.

"You've been warned, Dragonborn. Harm the Jarl and  this will be your last day on Tamriel."

At her nod, the guard  pushed open the heavy doors and they entered the keep.

As they approached the throne, Arisa kept her  eyes downcast, staring at the polished floorboards. Anything  but to look at the man who had commanded her 3 years ago to go to the greybeards.  Because  of her, the dragons had grown stronger and more and more, skyrim and its people suffered. 

As the guard stopped, she peered up, meeting  the steely eyed gaze of Jarl Balgruuf.

"You. What are you doing here, Dragonborn? Why are you here causing problems in my city instead of being with the greybeards or trying to help with the dragon attacks?"  He said grimly.

Arisa stared defiantly at him, chin pointed high. 

" What I do is my own business. I answer to no one." she snapped and the Jarl arched an eyebrow at her tone.

" I didn't realize the dragonborn of legend was a coward." He said coldly. "Fit only for hounding men like a lovesick bitch."

Rage filled her mind at his words. She took a step forward and opened her mouth, prepared to respond in the same vile manner.  The tip of a blade in her back stilled her. The guard was too close to her for her to Shout him away. That sword would be in her guts before she could.  The Jarl eyed her sharply and continued on.

"Nevertheless, you have been brought to me for judgment and judge I shall.”

"For the crime of thievery, the cost of the crime is 300 septims.

Arisa snorted. " Thievery?! I'm no thief! Who did I supposedly steal from?!"

The Jarl glared at her. "You stole a valuable instrument from our local bard to serenade some man like a fool. That instrument  was vital to him and thanks to you, it was broken during your scuffle with the city guard. As for your attack on my guard,  the cost of the crime is 1000 septims and 1 year of imprisonment."

For a moment  the Jarl paused, and then he leaned forward and gazed at Arisa grimly. 

"Fortunately for you, someone took pity and paid your fines. But it leaves the question  of what to do with you and your imprisonment."  

Jarl Balgruuf motioned to his steward and whispered  something  in his ear.  Avvendici nodded and left, heading towards the stairway leading towards the Great Balcony.

Arisa glared at the jarl as he began to speak again.

" And fortunately  for me, I have a solution for the dragonborn to serve me instead of rotting in the cells."

At the sound of clanking metal, the Jarl smiled and greeted the figure striding into the hall.

“ Harbinger, I'm glad you came.”

Vilkas nodded and gazed coldly at Arisa before turning his attention to the Jarl.

“How can I serve you, Jarl Balgruuf?”

The Jarl nodded towards Arisa.  “The dragonborn once served your guild. While her punishment is imprisonment, a better use for her would be to rejoin your guild and do her duty to Skyrim's people by thinning out the dragon menace. “

Vilkas frowned at the idea. “ The Companions are bound together by Honor. We don't force anyone to join our guild. The very idea is absurd. And Besides, the dragonborn dishonored herself from the guild by leaving when we were facing a difficult time after Kodlak's passing. It can't be done. I'm sorry.`

The Jarl hmphed and scowled at the Harbinger. 

“It is vital that the dragons be taken care of right away. Skyrim and her people have suffered enough under the yoke of those beasts. The Dragonborn is no use to Whiterun in a cell. Come now, be reasonable. Let her rejoin your guild and take care of the dragons.”

“ You mean watch her to make sure she does the job.” Vilkas said flatly.

Balgruuf shrugged. “ Maybe that too. She seems to be in the habit of abandoning her duties.”

Arisa stared angrily at both of them. “ You bastards, Talking about me as if i'm not here! How about asking me what I like to do?!” she snarled.

Jarl Balgruuf waved an impatient hand in her direction. “ Join the Companions or rot in the cells, dragonborn.” 

It was Vilkas's turn to look outraged.  “I never said that she could rejoin the guild, Jarl. You overstep your bounds.”

Arisa contemplated her choices while the Jarl and Harbinger argued amongst themselves. 

Sitting in a prison cell was not how she intended to spend a year of her life. But she had no urge to rejoin the companions, to face the soundless accusations either.  

She studied Vilkas and suddenly she felt the urge to cry. Not a year. Not a year of knowing he would shun her for leaving the way she did. Angrily pinching herself, she stilled the flood of tears and swallowed back the lump in her throat. It was foolish to think of that now.

“ Jarl Balgruuf, wouldn't it be better for me to serve you in the company of the guards instead?” she asked, the tremble in her voice the only sign of the internal turmoil she was facing.

The Jarl shook his head. “ No. Again, it's either join the Companions or serve your time in the cells. “ 

With that, Arisa sighed and nodded dejectedly. 

“ I will rejoin the Companions.” 

Vilkas snarled in frustration. “ I never said you could join, Dragonborn!”  he said harshly.

She clenched her fists. “ You would rather see me in jail?!” she shot back just as harsh.

Vilkas exhaled slowly and rubbed his face. “ No.” 

Stormy blue-gray eyes suddenly met her own and she drew back uneasily.  There was an angry fire burning in those eyes.

“Before I let you rejoin, swear to me that you won't run. That you won't abandon your duty to fight the dragons for a year. Swear it and you may rejoin.”

Arisa hesitated  then nodded. Kneeling before Vilkas, she looked up at him.  “ I swear not to abandon my duty. I swear I will fight the dragons on behalf of Skyrim and her people. On my honor I swear it to you, Harbinger.”

The look that Vilkas gave her was indescribable. He made a motion for her to rise and as she slowly got up, she noticed his own clenched fists.

Jarl Balgruuf, who had been quiet so far, beamed in delight.  “The matter is resolved then, Harbinger.”  With a nod to them both, he left them, heading upstairs towards the great balcony.

Vilkas gave Arisa a tight nod and headed to the main doors. As Arisa followed him, she already regretted her choice to rejoin.

#Arisa #Vilkas #jarl balgruuf #skyrim #fanfic #tes #my writing #rough but I liked it. #anyway I plan to get back into writing again

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[kanamesengoku]

till all the seas run dry

"Oi! Are you Shimotsuki?" Turning to his left, he squinted a bit against the sun and leaned over the railing to see a young man around his own age, dark hair mussed and a huge duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His face was open and friendly and his bright eyes stared up at Zoro expectantly. "No, uh… she's in the shop," he offered, gesturing vaguely downwards towards the door. Then, his brain catching up, he continued, "are you… Garp's… new tenant?" Apparently the boy found the question amusing, because his face split into a huge grin and he broke into a peal of laughter. "Haha, yeah, I guess that's me!" he stated, still smiling up at Zoro. For some reason, it made Zoro want to smile back.

Roronoa Zoro, university student and florist, meets someone for the first time that he already knows.

-- relationship: monkey d. luffy/roronoa zoro rating: explicit word count: 27,976 chapter count: 7 tags: modern au, flower shop au, zoro is good at math, too many hidden references, mentioned nami/vivi, mvp sanji, developing relationship, angst and fluff and smut, most of the strawhats are just cameos so don't read specifically for them lmao, minor spoilers through wano act 1

#oh lord here we GO #one piece fanfiction #op fanfic #zolu #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #one piece #ff #mine:fic #did NOT think i would be creating that tag in 2024 but here we are!! #did not think i'd be wanting to actually wanting to write again either!! #SENKA HAS DONE THIS TO ME AND I LOVE HER FOR IT BUT ALSO :RYUMASCREAM: #anyway if anybody wants to read my silly little attempt at a story about silly little pirates here it is i just have so many feelings #stay tuned for my next planned fic (yes ofc there's another) coming in like 10 years or something after i get past the research stage HGKJS #i have to post this before i go back in and convince myself i need to add more. or change phrasing again. or both-

[the-kipsabian]

hey. immortal fears

on the sideblog

on ao3

#im only posting this cause 1. im very tired and 2. i really need my motivation to continue this story #ive been craving so much to write this again recently but i have huge mental hurdles and i feel like nobody cares anymore #so like.. give it a peep? lemme know what you think?? anything??? #i love this story a lot and would love to get back to it. i have the next three chapters fully planned. i just need to write... #and i have most main bits planned as well so its mostly planned out. just. writing. its hard when i dont know if anyone is interested #anyways. i wanna post this today as ive been thinking a lot. so. here #please read immortal fears #(theres also a lot of other stuff in this timeline/au but im just gonna stick to the main story in this post ough) #ALSO FEEL FREE TO SEND ASKS ABOUT THE AU!! i would love to talk about this ;; #night is an absolute mess on main

[extra-somethin-somethin]

hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ... #im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!! #keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots #in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say #and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that #anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared #she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend #now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko #whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble #you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i #and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd #i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke #who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan #to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair #yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair #so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼 #the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be #she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that #dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me #the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way #idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it #character analysis #yukimura keiko #yu yu hakusho

[averbaldumpingground]

"No, no, don't apologize. Your constant complaining is music to my ears."

Sarah ignored him, squaring her shoulders as the rocks arranged themselves again. They didn't reach as high this time, but seemed like they would be a little bit more stable.

"Verily, my lady, art thou certain about proceeding with this endeavor? Ambrosius and I--"

"Ow!" So much for stability. She banged her knee as the stone that she'd stood on rolled backwards.

"Sorry," came the low, defeated roar.

"Oh, it's alright, Ludo. There's got to be another way to do this."

"Or you could just give up. And maybe let His Royal Highness win this one?"

"There is no honor in conceding defeat! Why I--"

Sarah tuned them out. She had known, before she'd even opened her mouth, that making a bet with the Goblin King would be a terrible idea. But she was tired of the goblins trampling her makeup and eating all her little brother's crayons. And if competing in the goblins' Chicken Olympics was what got them to stop, well, she had been willing to try it.

She just hadn't counted on needing to be able to fly. Or pretty much any of the rest of it.

This whole thing really wasn't fair. She should have known.

#fanfiction #Labyrinth #Sarah Williams #December 31 2023 #I gave up on the original plan for this prompt and saved that hot mess to try and figure out again later but I don't know if that's doable. #I'm not happy with it but this was a last minute change to the plan and I give up and am going to be. #This concludes my daily attempts at getting something written. #I've kept at this since January 1 2019 so 5 whole years of this daily thing. #At first it was a challenge to myself to see if I could and then also a way to try to handle my depression. #I don't have it in me anymore to keep trying. #So this blog thing is going to be mostly defunct now. #I may or may not come back and write things for the hell of it when I feel like it. Or answer a prompt if I get one. #But I am done I guess. #I should probably say something profound but since no one reads this thing anyway I'm not going to bother. #And now I get to sleep. Hooray!

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

the worst thing in the world just happened to me. i want to go to bed but. i am just. a little hungy.........

#NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #its too late to go to the kitchen and i dont have much in the way of snacks anyways #sobs. screams. i wish i was back in college....when i could get as much mediocre smoked salmon as i wanted with my meal plan.......... #yes i was risking horrible stomach illness. but it was also delicious. i felt like a grizzly bear stocking up for the winter #ive also been trying to eat like. more normal recently. for my health #not to get personal on the danganronpa blog. my doctor says my stats are almost normal now. which is so wild................ #i have got to start working out again my upper body strength is. in the pits #im trying to get through c18 so i can get a head start on 19 #bc as fun as the trial is to write. i am envisioning things past it already that i rlly wanna get down #ramblings

[keeps-ache]

trying to write, i want to write but the only place i have with dark mode is my computer's notepad and i can't access those files from anywhere else. augh

#just me hi #girl help my Eyeyessseses hbfvhs #i keep getting told 'use google docs' it Hurts My Eyeballs !!! let me change the funkin website theme !!! #plus when i'm writing at night i don't want the whole world knowing what's up bc i have the equivalent of a lighthouse beacon telling every #one 'HEY. THIS THING'S AWAKE !!' lol :^ #i'd use google keep bc it feels. friendlier ? but also the clutter behind the note i'm writing in is making me anxious + distracting me. so #hvfbhs #this is such a silly problem but i'm running in circles just trying to rewrite p.space for the... i think eighth or ninth time now Lolll #i wanted to try wattpad again but i like not having my eyes hurt. and i'm trying to plan ahead bc i want to have a place i can write in #Consistently. ya know ? #sigh. sogh. saigh. sygh #oh and also wattpad feels too cluttered. there's something about having the writing space take up the Whole Entire Screen that doesn't #groove with my brain right. so ! #this is just me being very picky for no good reason lolll :) #'just minimize the tab then' but that is still wrong bc the writing space is taking up the Entire Tab now !! #/anyway i just remembered rn why i don't explain why i'm actually having issues with things HFBVSH #it's really specific. and really vibe-based. and it's like being in the middle of a field and not being able to explain what is so wrong ab #being in the empty‚ cold‚ deadly-quiet but also piercing-loud field forever and ever and ever #do you know what i mean ?? #//ANYWAY. back to whatever this problem is Lolll :3

[landfilloftrash]

A Moment Before...

This had been… a very long week.

That was really all Enososin thought as she walked back down the Astronomy tower’s stairs, and let her thoughts wander. She held Rollo’s hammer under wings and cloak as she walked through the hallways leading back to the Saint’s chamber.

Three days upon the sea with the Navy after Father Dolmayan had asked her to take care of this mission; she hadn’t been fond of the idea, considering all of the superstitions about priests on board— that wasn’t even taking into account the ones about women on board. But when she was told about the fact that they were off to destroy Nassau by order of the King, and he had requested a Blood Cleric, she figured– out of everyone– that she probably wasn’t the worst pick in this situation. Three days upon the sea and helping Silver out, and convincing the Nassauean people that she truly meant no harm; she only wanted them all to survive.

A day or two after the Navy left, and then they set out upon the waves once more, this time on a five day mission to go help Davy Jones. At least, that was the official objective; with the discovery of the blood scrying cubes, and Sol finding one connected to Saint Rollo— and upon viewing, seeing the slaughter of Father Dolmayan, the one who had sent her out on that ship therein, Eno’s far more pressing objective was to get back to him.

Five days of meeting God and gods; from Hades and Charon, to Hermes and Poseidon. Of meeting Zeke and their childlike innocence and delight. Of helping Scylla with her poisonous bellyache. Of beating up two doppelgangers, one resembling herself and one of Lockwell. Of wondering what in God’s name was happening to the King? What was he tinkering with? What did it do besides “defend the country”? How did it do that? Why was the Order of Blood seemingly connected with that entire debacle, but not in the way they thought? Speaking of— When and why on Earth did the Order of Blood have a blood cube connected to Lockwell, and to Davy Jones himself?? How did they get one from Rollo? Or General Lobo? Hell— she even wondered how they’d gotten it from the King— who had provided all of them? Was there a spy amongst every single faction doing this?

Six days of wondering if Rollo was alright. Six days of wanting so desperately to look into the cube and simply check on him. But not wanting to invade his privacy. Upon landing on the shore of Kingston, that dearly familiar city now turned into a death trap for her new friends. Today had felt like a month had been squeezed into a few short hours. Setting out as covert as a priest could be, in this place; meeting Charon, the Ferryman. A conversation with him leaving her both fairly intrigued by the minor god, and the bubbling concern nigh almost overflowing at his serious words in regards to the Saint. Easily sliding into the trees of her youth, grown along with her, and finding Rollo. Pulling him back to her; her father– her dad. Making their way back to the Church, keeping him away from possible prying eyes. Talking to Saint Clemens, and then to Saint Celestine locked away in the Astronomy tower, searching the stars, and discovering that everything in the world was very quickly twisting into a horror story.

Saint Celestine could be wrong, of course, because like any mortal, even Saints could make mistakes— even if it were a tad bit more unlikely for that to occur— but first of all, she trusted the older Aasimar to understand the stars and their whispers far better than any normal mortal, and second of all, after seeing what she had seen through the blood cubes, she was far more inclined to believe her.

The Gods rotting however, was something that concerned her greatly; possibly not as much as the fact everyone else was rotting too, but it was still at the forefront of her mind after that conversation. Gods… were considered all-powerful (aside from limitations they had set by/for themselves like all creatures of divine nature) by most people, including herself. So hearing that… 

It would definitely explain why the Saints, the more divine/spiritually inclined of the mortal realm, were shifting and becoming as unbalanced as the spiritual world.

But those subjects were for Rollo and Celestine to discuss, seeing as she had asked Enososin to call him up, and she shook herself as she approached Rollo’s door. Her claws seemed to click far louder than they should in the silence.

Now, normally, it was rather quiet in this section of the building— seeing as they were sleeping chambers, as well as the fact most people that lived in the church were simply more quiet in their day to day— added with the fact that she had requested it by the sisters so he wouldn’t be disturbed? Dead quiet shouldn’t be unusal. But still, the noise from outside or around the building should at least permeate the air to make some sound, even involuntary.

But she heard nothing. A very distinct nothing. Her feathers started to raise in warning.

Steps much lighter, she cautiously gave a quiet little knock on Rollo’s door to see if he was just, in-fact, sleeping; she wouldn’t blame him if he were. He himself had said that he hadn’t really slept, and the couple of times she had checked on him in the span of their five day trip, she had only caught him resting once, uneasily, stress and sorrow written even into his sleeping features, and she had felt for him. During their confrontation, the deep exhausted circles and constant sleep deprived twitching as he talked bespoke of it just as much as his wild fervor and not realizing the state of himself did.

But any sort of thought process she had was shattered as there was a roar— only barely muffled by the wooden door— of words directed at her, crashing into each other in a near slurringly way that she could not understand, but the intent of them was extraordinarily clear; ‘Go away’. 

“Rollo,” she called quietly, startled as she was from her ponderous reverie, “it’s just me!”

“Go’way anyway!” Came the gruff response, not quite as loud but just as firm as the last declaration.

She leaned back from the door and blinked rapidly. The owlin was baffled. What on Earth had happened in the brief amount of time while she wandered, spoken to the dwarven Father, and visited Saint Celestine? 

“Why?” She called back, as thoughts raced through her mind; had she done something wrong? No, because there hadn’t been enough time between her leaving him to get cleaned up and coming back on Celestine’s request. And besides, he wasn’t like her where those few minutes could result in a broken arm or leg and a bloodied countenance— wait— oh gods above and below had someone attacked him? Panic now tinged her voice as she followed with— “What’s wrong?”

“I am not safe to be around,” came the bassy growl, “I do not think I can control this thirst for blood. It is not safe for you! Leave me be!”

Oh.

She leaned back on her clawed heels. Well then.

Enososin stood there, staring at the door, and debated his words. She respected Rollo far too much to not do so. 

He genuinely sounded pissed off, and she could count on one hand how many times that had happened. In fact, two of those fingers would be for today alone. But simply considering how he sounded, and the actions being taken at the moment, the fact of the matter was— he was pushing her away in some misguided attempt to protect her, possibly at the cost of his own comfort and health; that she absolutely could not stand. 

She sent a brief look to the ceiling’d heavens and whispered, “Forgive me Father, because I’m asserting my authority as his daughter by coming in anyways.”

She opened the door like a shield, just in case, because as much as she was concerned and curious, she was also cautious and heeded her father’s words. Eno had no idea why he had said what he’d said, but she had in fact taken them to heart. 

She simply had decided confirming her father’s safety was far more important than any sort of reprimand he could give her for it.

Peeking inside she promptly froze at the scene. Saint Rollo had always kept a very neat and respectable appearance; the scene before her was nigh beastial in comparison. He was on his hands and knees, with no shirt to be seen as it revealed a geometric designs curling and cutting around muscles that were definitely not just for show— those normally red tattoos were now flecked with black and looking like it was poisoning him, and his back was deeply bowed in a near mimicry of prayer, as his wild, long untamed red hair nearly brushed the floor in the posture. 

Seeing his hair ruffled and in disarray at the shrine she could easily chalk up to pure mental exhaustion; seeing it completely unbraided was so unusual it made her balk for a moment in her observation. As a child, she could recall having seen it in this state a few times in her memory; braiding it herself with delight those times due to an injury of his— as an adult, however, never.

But the truly main thing that caught her attention, and shoved every single thing that contradicted what she knew was her father’s normal off to the side, was the fact that one of his hands was clawing so deeply into his shoulder that blood was falling freely and very very quickly. 

Eno rushed over in concern; his appearance change was radical, and her brain froze a moment before clicking back into gear, but that was considerably small potatoes to her compared to his very clear distress.

She slid to her knees nearly in front of him and gently pried his hand away from his poor shoulder with both hands before keeping one on his shoulder and the other rubbing circles into the offending appendage.

A gently colored pink light glittered below her hand as she murmured words for cure wounds to take effect on the damage Rollo had dealt himself, and she felt her soul’s tie connect to his as it began.

She nearly stopped concentrating from the shock to her system the difference between the time she’d connected to him last and now.

Eno had always connected to Rollo easier, in a magic sense as well as a social sense. The healers here were probably some of the only ones who had connected as often to her as Rollo had, and even then, it was sometimes both of them connecting to her. His magic was tightly woven and strong: as bright and warm as a pleasant summer day at noon, and often served as a beacon for her to locate him if she’d somehow ‘misplaced’ him— or more accurately, when she was younger, he had misplaced her. 

It was just as familiar to her as his smile.

This was the equivalent of getting ice water poured on her, as she took in the frayed, bloodied state of his soul. It didn’t stop her from healing him— in fact, it caused her to be more thorough than she originally might’ve. But— The words of both Charon and Saint Celestine rung like alarm bells in her mind as she took in his state, and dread crawled from the depths of her soul and twisted her innards into a Gordian knot.

Oh God.

She should be horrified. This was something she had years and years of experience of being connected to— the glowing braid of someone’s life, someone she dearly, dearly cared about, someone who had functioned as a beacon of warmth and light; that had been Rollo’s healing, lovingly teaching hand. So, so frayed and bloody and different and just—

Seemingly a Saint no longer in the eyes of the universe’s laws. She should take the fallen’s advice and leave him be, for he had already warned her that he wasn’t sure he could contain the bloodthirst. 

His own blood was now on his hands.

So it really didn’t surprise her that her first instinct was to clutch the implement causing his harm closer to her, bordering on protective. She looked at her father and felt nothing but pure loyalty. If God, the Father of them all, wanted to turn His back on he who had never turned his back on her, who had picked her up every time she’d stumbled, then they were going to have strong words later. She would stay by Rollo’s side as he weathered this storm he found himself in, and no God nor Devil could warp her mind into not doing so.

The pink light of her healing magic brightened briefly with her conviction and turned the deep cuts into clean greyish-pink lines; soon to become dark grey again as the new skin healed. She eyed them critically before once again detaching herself from their connection and once more focused on Rollo himself. 

“I cannot hear the voice of God; the light is gone.” He growled. The vibrations of his voice rumbled so deeply she could almost mistake the hurt and fear for pure anger. 

Her heart ached for her poor papa. 

Using her now free second hand to press his hand tighter in order to grab his scattered attention she murmured with fervor, “Then I shall just have to keep listening for the both of us, hm?”

He was silent, but the tightened grip upon her claws spoke for him. She relaxed a fragment at the squeeze. No matter the changes happening, this was still the man who raised her, and that fact alone soothed her. As long as she took these new things in stride and adapted with him, then she would make sure they both survived this; no matter how frightening it all was.

“I came by to tell you Saint Celestine is looking for you—” Rollo glanced up as she continued, “she has something to tell you, apparently. And if it’s anything like she told me, it’s not great.”

“What did she tell you?” He asked, quietly. 

“Well,” she sighed, like it was a silly little antic of a child she was about to divulge, “apparently the King swung by, who is apparently rotting by the way, along with the Gods. Everyone is rotting. And Thimblewinter is coming, that too.”

He blinked. A brief moment before he seemed to come to a decision as they sat there, and slammed the ground with his free hand before standing up smoothly. Eno followed him up and released his hand as he seemed to fortify himself before her eyes. “We have wasted time, then. I will go speak to her.”

“Perhaps, you should grab a shirt before you go?” She suggested, a mite playfully, because as concerning as it was initially, it was a tad funny simply seeing her dad go around bare-chested for more than three seconds.

He seemed to consider it for a fraction of a second before he shook his great head. “No. I’ll be fine.”

She briefly remembered when she was younger, other people staring at her father in a way her childish mind didn’t recognize, but with the gift of adult hindsight, was with a very intense appreciation for his form. She sent a playful little prayer for strength for the people who were going to deal with him like this.

As a second question— a silent one this time— she offered his hammer to him; it wasn’t her trying to force it upon him, simply a question of ‘Do you feel comfortable carrying this now?’

He reached over and grasped it. He then shifted his position to hold it, and it once again caused her brain to break just a little; Rollo carried that hammer as a staff. A third leg, a part of him he respected not to use carelessly, and rarely wielded it like he was now— a tool. 

Both of them seemed to recognize this fact at once, and he held it out back to her. “You keep it,” he insisted. 

“Alright,” she conceded, taking the weapon back. It hummed in her grip as she once again held it like a staff, “Go, go. I’ll wait for you near the front.”

Rollo nodded and set off the way she came. 

Eno briefly eyed the picture sitting on his bedside, and wondered if she should take that with her. But no, that was Rollo’s. If he wished to bring it, then he’d do so— but in this brief moment, she took the time to look at it.

It was a day in time where she was no longer just a foundling of the church, but rather a youth amongst it. It might’ve even been the day that was officially announced— it was over a decade ago, so she wasn’t completely sure however. It was rather cute, though she couldn’t help but wince in amusement at how her feathers were still quite downy and that look of mischief not yet contained was perfectly captured in her eyes. Rollo himself seemed pleased and perfectly content with the little monster beside him, and if she squinted, she could see flowers stuck in his braid. The angle wasn’t the greatest for that, but she did definitely remember that aside from bringing dead mice and small birds like a cat, she did have a tendency to sneak little flowers into his braid when she could. Generally much lower, but sometimes she managed to get them closer to his shoulders, and this was clearly one of those times.

She could see why he’d kept it.

Sighing, she headed out of the room and closed it behind her— she didn’t think she’d need anything from her room (maybe grabbing a spare change of clothes wasn’t the worst idea, however)— and headed out towards the main sector of the Church.

She was barely a short jog away when something snagged her attention. 

There was screaming, she started running, and then she met Abaddon.

#my writing #long post #3k words #DnD #pirate campaign #DnD OCs #Enososin Folook #Saint Rollo #guess who's back. back again #yeah that's right. it's me. and I am once again forcing you all to read my writings #I wrote this like. Nearly as soon as I processed everything from that session (so in the middle of making the linked comic) #I just really wanted to get into her head during this part because oIUUYGHgH. oughh. #change is *scary* esp with someone who has been an EXTREMELY solid foundation all your life. I should know. #and also I'm planning on writing a bunch of childhood segments w/ her (ft. Rollo and also not!) #anyways; bone apple teeth! #rea's trash

[milimeters-morales]

im finally getting ads completely in spanish now including the close/exit/proceed/shop now buttons that are on them ^_^ gonna start a journal soon for it as well!

#not spiderstuff #small rambling and updates feel free to skip or read that #im still really scared to speak it in front of my friends and family bc they'll just make fun of me for trying to learn and being so quiet #BUT. ill get there or ill die #i have a lot of plans so i havent actually been posting much here or reblogging much but i come on here every now and then #and i deleted the app like ages ago to discipline myself anyway. not that u guys asked BUT i just wanted to share! #but yeah. doing work constantly and trying to have fun drawing again (working btw! yay) and writing in free time and exercise with my dog + #for his health and my skin and just overall being healthier ! and less online #in preparation for a shit ton of things about to be thrown my way and idk if ill ever really BE prepared but. yknow thats life #and im going back to counseling and seeing if i can get back on meds to help with issues. i don't think ill be able to tell them everything #bc thats so dangerous rn? i don't trust anybofy like that #but i gotta. fuck this stupid baka human experience <- reference. #i cant beliebve adulthood is so close. like what the hell #i can't use my llittle guy excuse for attacking politicians anymore omg nooo

[celestial-toys]

*crawls out of my isolation cave. slaps a 10 thousand word document on the ground. passes out.*

#Seven’s Celestial Commentary #Everything Stays #I FUCKING DID IT #4 days and 10.6k words later chapter 4 of ES is finally fully written. holy shit why was that such a struggle #turns out returning to a story after 4-5 months of absence means it takes a little while to really get back into it! who’d’ve guessed! #like. i didn’t mean to abandon it like that!!! but once it’s been a while it’s easy for A While to turn into A Very Long Time #writing is like playing Animal Crossing. miss one day and u don’t do it again for 6 months #(or. not quite that extreme but u know what i mean) #anyways. i’m excited!!! like i still gotta do the final edit and get it drafted up on Ao3 #but the hard part is over! and it’s done in time to be able to post it on the date later this month that i planned!!! #so yeah. ES Ch.4 coming at u all Quite Soon™️ #(i mean if ur a big enough DCA fan u can probably guess what date i’m waiting to post it on. but i’m still gonna act like it’s a surprise)