#aren’t much better at times

[heyclickadee]

Quick break from the bad batch brainrot, but:

One of the hilarious side effects of the various attempts to give Scrooge McDuck a backstory in various comics is that the name gets even more ridiculous. He’s called “Scrooge McDuck” because Carl Barks needed an Ebenezer Scrooge stand-in for a Christmas issue of the Donald Duck comics. He needed a ducky antagonist, so he slapped that name on him and made him Donald Duck’s jerk-ass uncle who hates everyone.

Eeexcccceeeept that the comic readers liked the character, and Barks did too, so he kept coming back, got a more solid characterization after a few different iterations, and then eventually got his own comic series. Which ran for decades. They’re all almost one off episode stories, but Barks, Scarpa, and others kept inventing other characters (parents, siblings, various Duck relatives) connected to Scrooge and Donald as needed, later comic writers/artists on both sides of the Atlantic made attempts to tie it all together into different backstories, and so.

What you end up with.

Is this whole extended Duck-McDuck-Coot family full of people who either have perfectly normal-if-old-fashioned people names (Fergus, Matilda, Hortense, Molly, Elvira, Donald, Gladstone, Casey, etc) or bird pun names (Fethry, Downy, Eider, Roast, etc) aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnd Scrooge.

Which isn’t a real name. It’s something Charles Dickens just made up and that Barks ran with. Because he named Scrooge according to his one-off antagonist naming conventions and then unexpectedly went and made him a main character. And, yes, the most sensible option here is to just ignore how silly it is in context, because it’s a collection of Disney comics about ducks.

The funnier option, though? The funnier option is to actually think about Fergus and Downy McDuck living in mid-century Scotland a couple decades after the publication of the only book in which the name “Scrooge” appears, having their first kid, and then deciding to name their kid that. Like it wasn’t tempting fate or asking for trouble. I’m too amused by this.

#Disney ducks #scrooge mcduck #listen I’m sorry I find this funnier than I should #also disclaimer here if anyone reading this checks any of these comics out #Barks was drawing and writing back in the 40’s/50’s/60’s #he was a master of the comic art form #and there are a lot of stories and one-pagers that are fine #but #there’s also a lot in those comics that’s just #egregiously racist #you can avoid it if you know which issues to avoid but you do have to know which issues they are #and frankly the 80’s/90’s/early 2000’s comics #and original Ducktales cartoon #aren’t much better at times #anyway these tags have been a PSA

[b4rfbrain]

playing it cool is soooo incredibly stupid

tell people you love them. tell them you miss them or think about them all the time. respond right away. text them first.

people are so cold but being warm feels so good. close interpersonal relationships that hold meaning are one of the best things that this world has to offer. don’t deny yourself from that experience out of pride or fear of rejection.

#and people who don’t like when people are openly enthusiastic and caring about them aren’t worth your time #social interactions are already hard enough why not just be direct and as open as you can be #it feels so much better to wear your heart on your sleeve and get rejected rather than keeping it in

[why-the-heck-not]

20.12.23, wednesday

My main hobby is just procrastinating in any way I can. The plan was to make a cup of coffee and then start working. What actually happened is that I watched a 3 part video series (by james hoffmann ofc) on Aeropress coffee and made a few cups with different variables. Still not sure if I found The Recipe for me, but it’s getting better (tho I don’t love the coffee beans I have)

#altho i’m not sure I agree that inverted method is not worth the risks #maybe I just pour my water in too slow (bc I get nervous abt pouring too much) but there’s a fair bit of liquid that manages to get through #before I can place the vacuum on there #so I did it with inverted method #what I took from his recipe was the swirling instead of stirring and letting it rest for 30secs after to get a more even bed of coffee #I did 14g of coffee & 200g of water with a 5min brew -> swirl -> another 30seconds of letting it rest before pressing gentlyy for like 20-3 #seconds #but idk it’s a bit ’’one note’’ #which could be the beans #I have medium roast rn and I prefer light roast but the light roast beans have been no where to be found lately idk why #(there aren’t many actual light roast beans and the other ones are waay out of my budget) #(or at least good ones; there’s the one affordable light roast that’s everywhere but I don’t like it that much (but tbf should’ve still #bought that instead of these ones I got)) #like this is still way better than what the drip coffee of those beans are #and the achilles heel is that I don’t have a thermometer of any kind so my water temperature is guesswork every time #so tweaking variables is always a bit sketchy bc idk if I just had a better water temperature that time #studyblr #booklr #aesthetic #bookblr #books #study #reading #read #book #coffee #2023 #december 2023

[mumblesplash]

furious that there is ONE hand-drawn frame of wolfwood, and it’s the best his character design looks in the entire show, and it’s right after meryl hit him with a truck

#trigun #mumbling #but also if there was gonna be one representative image of the guy this isn’t a bad choice all things considered #get stampeded. idiot #i’m mostly just mad that he never looks like that again???? #it’s like only shot in the show where he has something resembling his actual nose??? #honestly the way studio orange combines 2d and 3d animation is pretty clever a lot of the time #but unfortunately it does tend to just really drive home how much better 2d is for Character #there’s a reason everyones faces aren’t quiiiite as cgi as the rest of them

[lameow-l]

GAMING IS MY SON AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF!!

LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE

i still have hope in getting the other boys too

its ok they can be a band or smth.. at least then gaming wouldn’t have to be so disappointed in people not hiring him bc he’s just having fun with his boys…

#it took me soooo long to realize his name can also be 'gaming' and idk if i should be ashamed or proud lol #his hashtag is gonna get real funny real quick #is it actually an intentional business decision made by hyv #no way this was accidental #anyway im disappointed in his hair design but i stopped feeling much since all genshin charas always have the ugliest hairstyles #also him being another bennett just not as unlucky #he works so hard and still tries to achieve his artistic dream at the same time #but people just smile and ignore him…PAY THE DUDE!!! #ALSO ALSO.. chiaki 2.0 and they better add all other ryuseitai next #i just can get over how energetic and cool genshin concept designs are when the game keeps slapping us with a downgraded version every time #not to say current designs aren’t energetic or cool.. just not as much lol (still salty about red xiao and those flying nahidas) #now i know why they still not doing an art book yet.. they’re ashamed to admit of the amounts of good designs they never use #AND I LOVE GENSHIN DESIGNS honest (otherwise why would i keep doing fanart of this game and this game only for 3 years) #sorry i dont post all of them.... i have issues #but i cant help but feel robbed when i see these designs knowing what they could’ve been #and it’s in no way hyv’s fault *glance at leakers* and the new designs are getting crazier and cooler but #please for the love of god hyv stop with the mullets PLEASE!!! #gaming #ga-ming #gaming genshin #genshin impact

[sprout-fics]

Google search: How to make fanfiction fun again

#I’m probably just hormonal or something stupid #but I’ve been getting really depressed about this blog recently and I’ve been thinking more and more about deleting and starting over #or leaving it as an archive and abandoning it #I get so stressed about posting and nervous about interactions and it’s ruining the experience for me #and I know it’s my fault because I’m just fucked up and in need of so much more therapy than I currently have #but at this point I’m forcing myself to have fun in here #it’s not coming naturally #and I have a really really hard time letting go of things that once brought me joy #so I’m kind of hanging on hoping things will get better but they aren’t #I’m not making any decisions yet #but I am going to start backing up my stuff and crossposting to ao3 so it’s all there too #and I’m sure someone is going to come and tell me this is the wrong reaction #so I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything

[lynxfrost13]

Sometimes it’s okay to not be happy with what you make, especially when it’s something new.

#my art #traditional art #ough I will say it outright i know these pieces should’ve been and COULDVE been better if I’d had more time #I don’t usually work with traditional stuff and these were for an event. anyway!!! it’s okay!!! what that means #is that I have so much more to learn!!! #and also even though they’re not great it was fun to play with mediums. I’m going to do it more often bc that’s how I’ll improve #I’ve always wanted to get good at painting and humans so this is a good jumping off point #anyway tldr what this means is that I might be posting more varied things that aren’t as good in the future #but I’m gonna be brave anyway #sorry for venting a little!!!

[quietwingsinthesky]

i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.

#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the #one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream. #because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best #friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up. #they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly #and it would still end the same way. #but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes. #now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend. #he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale! #its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone. #and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box. #little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again. #and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued. #s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse. #and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better. #because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a #monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality. #the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that. #BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped. #doctor who #amy pond #rory williams #<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name. #and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember #the doctor there. it would work. it would. #amelia pond au

[thegoblinboy]

Ok but Eddie knows how to make food stretch out. He knows how to work with what he has because Wayne can't always afford food. Thats how he finds himself constantly making something weird. He has pasta but nothing to go with it, so he just pours ketchup over the pasta and seasons it and calls it good. When he doesn’t have bread most times they’ll have left over tortilla wraps. Bologna wrap it is. It gets weirder and weirder of course but he doesn’t have the luxury to be picky.

Steve on the other hand doesn’t know how to cook but has everything he needs. Follows recipes word for word and most times orders out. He’s to anxious to push boundaries when it comes to food not wanting to mess it up. So when he suddenly finds himself watching Eddie make the strangest shit in his kitchen he’s confused.

Somehow it turns into bickering and a bet that the other couldn’t spend a week with the other at their place. The first week Steve finds himself and the Munson’s and he hates the food. Though he discovered he loves being there with Wayne. He eases back a bit and Eddie’s shocked by how much the other likes the trailer. He thought he would be to snobby to stay there longer then a night.

When Eddie gets to spend a week with Steve at the Harrington’s he hates it more then he thought. It’s lonely, and very empty. He can barely go two days. The food is amazing but other then that it isn’t working. Even though he doesn’t have a lot of luxury he is happy where he is and Steve is more happy being with him.

They both learn to grow past the financial situations they grew up in and focus on other things. Like each other. Even though Eddie has to teach Steve how to cook. Though they can happily meet on a middle ground when they move in their own apartment. More middle class then trailer park trash and a snobby asshole. They both live happily.

#Eddie learns that money doesn’t necessarily make life better #he always dreamed of being in Harrington’s rich house growing up #now that he’s there he hates it #eddie learns that he has had the perfect life for a long time #steve was very neglected as a child #Wayne loves steve being over #steve loves Wayne just as much #eddie and steve aren’t even canonicly together yet #they do end up something at the end #eddie teaches teachs steve about family and steve teaches Eddie money isn’t everything #stranger things #bxb #steve x eddie #steddie #steveddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #where is Steve’s parents #Dustin calls them both out #eddie and steve #Steve and Eddie #Robin laughs at the both of them #Hawkins #strangerthings #stranger things season 4 #how many tags can I do #I don’t know #I’ve never tagged this much before #I wonder if this will do anything

[slcepily]

redraw of an old pic from maybey like 6 yrs ago (under the cut)

💀💀💀💀 wellllll um 15- year-old me was very proud of this and that’s what counts right

#my little pony #mlp friendship is magic #art #mlp humanized #hmm not sure where my nostalgia for this show has been coming from recently #i had fun with this though #i’m in a weird spot where i’m shocked how much i advanced without noticing and disappointed that i didn’t change more #i stagnated for a long time and i’m glad to have like. physical proof that i improved somewhere #but on the other end it just feels like i should be better than this at the age i’m at #i’m just not a studies kind of person but Well those are kind of essential aren’t they #we will see

[compacflt]

Fully support your desire to cut down on the extras as they're already so long, but as someone who was also looking forward to the sickfic section and is sad to hear it's been taken out, I will simply have to ask you about it instead! First off the discussion of home in the snippet you shared was delicious - when do you think Mav started thinking of the house as 'their' home? And Ice taking Mav to the hospital has a lot of crunch there around how they're seen and how they act in public, especially if Ice was worried and Mav was kind of out of it. Do you think Ice would have taken Mav in to the hospital if he'd really been spiking a fever and decided he needed it? How would he explain themselves? And I suppose a separate, related question: who are their official next of kin/emergency contacts?

the reason i got rid of the sickfic is cause all those questions were answered better elsewhere in the extras ❤️

i was kind of annoyed that the house inconsistently appears to be the property of whomever the plot calls for at the moment -> another reason to cut the sickfic

Yes Ice would take mav to the hospital. it happens elsewhere LOL, maverick is extremely incident-prone

obviously a fun surfing injury with friends != the sickfic’s ice taking “a friend” to the hospital in the middle of the night for dangerous levels of illness-related dehydration… implies familiarity, intimacy above everyone else… the hospital staff would probably assume they’re together, yes, & i don’t think ice would challenge that at all, especially if he had to make sure all the paperwork was filled out right. just not worth the effort. “is there anyone else we should call for mr mitchell?” / “Um no. Just me.” Yeah i took him to the hospital at 4am bc i love him and im worried about him what r u gonna do about it 🤨 violate his hipaa rights? It’s 2009 gay people exist grow up🙄 hospital staff isn’t gonna tell anyone, so who cares

(Luckily for ice in the sickfic he didn’t have to take mav to the hospital)

the point of the sickfic was to establish a precedent for one of them voluntarily taking care of the other who is unable to take care of himself, to set up the parallel of maverick taking care of Ice when he Really gets capital-s Sick. but then i still can’t bring myself to write ice actually being capital-s Sick because i have some weird neurosis where i simply dislike thinking about ice (powerful guy) being helpless or incapacitated or, um, dead. so the mav-sickfic isn’t really relevant anymore because i haven’t written (and never plan on writing, besides that one half-assed one-shot) the corollary ice-sickfic. so the sickfic became the Nixed-fic ❌

And according to this wip wednesday snippet, they are each other’s emergency contacts. don’t ask me how that works or how they figured that out, idk. some stuff you do have to talk about for logistics purposes i guess. which is kind of the point of all the house-related/money-related discussions I’ve written throughout my fics—they Have to talk about the logistics because that’s real life. But they don’t INTERPRET those logistics or assign them a normative value.

for instance debriefing presents (maverick’s) death & taxes as the only two things that ever get them to actually talk to each other lol. logistics become a vessel through which they can talk about their situation without actually talking about it. The state of being each others emergency contacts might be a death-and-taxes discussion—acknowledging permanence without acknowledging permanence

#so is wearing protection (or not) during sex! #i still have a hard time identifying the stakes in this fic that i wrote on a whim sometimes #is it just not saying i love you? or is it everything that goes along with saying i love you? #bc really the way ive written them they are baaaasically married in the 90s #which is obviously a huge criticism that i keep leveling at myself: no it does not make sense for them to buy a house!!! for instance. #would it make sense for them to be each others next of kin either? idk! #all of this predicated on me not knowing the legal ramifications of next of kinship or homeownership and because it’s fanfiction not being #interested enough to research it #i say this all the time but this is one of those areas where i know if i were older/had lived longer my writing would just be better #idk if they would be each others next of kin but OTOH idk who else they would ask to do it! #man i wish i had infinite tags i actually have so much more to say #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #asks #edts notes #need the icemav fanfic where ice & mav try to figure out their tricare benefits #thank you for the ask! #some sections just aren’t the right vibe too #like me & the sickfic just did not vibe with one another

[fizzytoo]

yall omg why adrien's dad got 4 other kids...

#*fizzyspeaks #gave his wife a makeover aaaages ago and forgot all about them (like he did adrien) #😳 #also like … aren’t they supposed to be elders LMAO #honestly i wish i showed the custody battle between rosa and eric for adrien better #but at the time i gained a bit of an audience and was really focused on posting as much as i could #sigh #plc extras

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Maj. Kaidan Alenko With: Councilor Donnel Udina, Councilor Tevos, Councilor Laiel Sparatus, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng And a Special Guest Appearance by: The Illusive Man But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Sophie. Later- when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity- then it matters. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #kaidan alenko #shenko #fshenko #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #james’s panicked face as the shuttle goes down you will always be famous to me bc you are so relatable #at this point i just know the normandy crew is not letting shep EDI or james near anything mechanical anymore #(something mechanical explodes around them on literally every mission at this point- cars.. bombs.. ships.. you name it!) :) #the way i didn’t even realize EDI and kaidan were wearing matching armor on this mission until i got to the elevator and i- 🥹 (blue crew!!) #but like- the way when soph gets off the elevator and kaidan has the gun drawn and she tells them to lower their weapons?? #and EDI and james don’t even hesitate? THOSE ARE MY BABIES!!! THATS MY SQUAD RIGHT THERE!! THE LEVEL OF TRUST BETWEEN THESE THREE!! 🥹🥹🥹 #and they don't raise their weapons again?? not until soph raises hers?? like it's the level of trust between her and them for me 🥹 #i will say i talk a lot about how me3 shenko canon doesn’t really follow my own shenko canon (and my canon coup is MUCH DIFFERENT) #but something i noticed about the coup that i really liked? when kaidan has his gun drawn on shep you can see his hands shaking a little #it’s SO SUBTLE (and it’s easier to notice when you’ve got the video slowed down) but like?? the way his hands aren’t steady?? #when he has the gun drawn on someone he loves?? i cried a bit making that gif ngl 🥺 #the soft little ‘you won’t’ from shep after ‘i better not regret this’ makes me 🥺 every time. #there’s a canon reason soph doesn’t take the renegade interrupt but part of it is bc i like kaidan’s convo on the docks better :) #speaking of the docks the intro to the convo is a bit nonchalant but i like kaidan’s speech about integrity/living with your decisions #and the conversation between him/shep about what happened on the landing pad (though i wish it was a tiny bit longer!!) #there’s no ‘i feel like you would have taken me out’ line in the soph™️ canon but we supplemented it with some rewriting bc loose canon™️ #(she never draws a gun on the landing pad either but that’s a story for the actual canon 🙃) #and yes i gif’ed the ass shot. there’s only one valid ass shot in the series and it’s this one! and you can quote me on that! ✨

[pepperpixel]

Alright! Here’s the frisk I promised to go w the chara! The set is now complete lol.

#undertale #frisk #ut frisk #frisk undertale #ut #doodles #blood #I don’t think I’ve rlly pushed this that much in any of my other pictures of frisk? but. I rlly like. drawing them all scraped up and stuff #like there literally fighting for there life and shit they aren’t having an easy time of it ghGH #also.. the chara defs looks better then the frisk. cuz as I was finishing this my brain was like ‘UGHGH wanna draw something else!!! rn!!’ #but.. I held back. I controlled myself. and finished the fucking picture before rushing off to something else #still. even if the charas better. I don’t think the frisk is bad! it’s fine ghgh #and I’m happy that. I did what I said I would and drew a fridk to go w the chara lol

[ohareyoul82]

“I am a warrior… but I’m a girl too.” did more for feminism than any live action could ever dream of doing

#avatar the last airbender #atla #natla #my favorite thing is that sokka doesn’t immediately get it #he thinks that her being a warrior is separate from her being a girl #but what he still doesn’t get and later realizes is that women can be feminine and powerful at the same time #power and strength aren’t only masculine things #sorry this arc is so much better than what we got in the la

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Been trying to have more conversations with the boy but it’s hard. I’m bad at it and he’s even worse. It just feels like we aren’t always very good at talking to each other both about small things and big things and it’s like if we don’t have that what we do we have?

And like sometimes the conversation is easy, but then it’s almost always about frisbee. And it’s like I do not want to either be carrying the whole conversation or talking about frisbee for the rest of my life (and yes that’s a hyperbole and I’m being dramatic but like still)

And then when I finally talk to him about how it feels like he gives me all these one word answers it’s always that he’s just tired and if he doesn’t think the answer is important he’s not gonna put his energy into it. And like he’s being apologetic but it’s not like if talking to me isn’t worth your energy what is? And like we only see each twice a week and sometimes only once a week.

And partly it’s because with the holidays I’ve been gone for two weeks and then had a Covid exposure and now he’s gone so we’ve barely seen each other. And I’m an abysmal texted so it’s hard to maintain connection when we don’t see other (and yes I really am the problem here and yes I’m working on it (although he was always says it’s fine)

I just feel sometimes like I just don’t understand him very well especially considering we’ve been dating almost a year.

And when I brought up doing something for our year, that is when he mentioned that his grandmother had died earlier this week and so he’d be leaving for her funeral. And I had asked him about various aspects of week like seven times at this point and he had yet to mention it. And I have no idea how to be there for him or if he even needs or wants that because he just never shares.

And then because he never shares I feel like I’m being over emotional and needy whenever I share. And then we just talk about anything ever.

And his family’s going to Italy in may and when I saw his family over thanksgiving she invited me but he has never even hinted if he’d like me to go with them (I probably can’t regardless but like I would like to be asked)

And even when his family was here for thanksgiving he only invited me to see for actual thanksgiving even though they were here for like a week and he did lots of other stuff with them. And I had to be the one to ask if he even wanted me to meet them when they came and to let me know what he wanted me to join them for. And turns out the answer was very little.

And it just sucks that it feels so hard to build an emotional connection because he’s so great in other ways. Like he’s so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And he remembers all the things I like and is always seeking them out or trying to do things to make me happy. And whenever I do manage to try and talk to him about the things I feel he’s always really nice about it and never makes me feel like my feelings are stupid. (He sometimes get hung up the logistics (it almost always twice a week and only rarely once a week) )but also always ask what he could do make me feel better. But like how do you tell someone to just be a more emotional human?

And like I hate that it’s always me telling him things. Like I know I can be annoying and I’m far from perfect but like he just never has any complaints, often even when asked point blank. And even when I did ask him what he would change about the relationship he one made me answer first and two just said he’d like it if I texted him back a little quicker. Which while fair I had just told you five minutes ago how was feeling disconnected probably in part to me being a terrible texter so is that really what you want or just what you think I want? It’s also annoying because when we first started dating I told him I was bad at texting and he said he actually preferred to not text that much. And like it could be that it’s a spectrum and also things evolved but it makes me worried that he’ll just tell me what I want to hear and then just deal with it even if it’s not really what he wants. And then I worry that he’ll end up resenting me for that and then just break up with me out of no where.

And this fully me just being anxious but I can’t help but feeling sometimes likes he’s just waiting for a good time to end things because he’s too nice to do it at an inconvenient time.

And I guess a lot of it just circles back to the thought I’ve been having since this summer that while he’s a really good boyfriend, he’s just doing the things that a boyfriend should do because he likes having a girlfriend and not that he likes me in particular. It’s like I check all the boxes so he’s committed to make it work and emotions are irrelevant. I like I want to have that deep emotional connection and it feels like that’s not enough. But then I go to describe what is that doesn’t feel like “enough” and it feels like I am describing a really good relationship.

And I don’t know if I’m just getting caught up in the holiwood or social media fantasy of relationships where people jump into each other everyday and talk endlessly for hours and no every last detail of the other persons psyche, because that’s not what we have.

He’s pleasant to hang out with, even if sometimes I feel like I want to shake him until more words fall out. He’s like the least annoying person I’ve ever met, he’s super easy to travel with. He’s considerate of me and my feelings. He puts effort into the relationship. He can be silly and we can have goofy moments together. He checks all the lifestyle “boxes” and my ideal life and being with him work perfectly together. He’s never dismissive of me. He’ll do things just to make me happy even if they aren’t his favorite. He feels safe.

And I don’t know how to balance all the wonderful against the intangible lackluster emotional connection. Especially when I am the other half of the emotional connection.

Like is the reason I have more deep feeling conversations with my girls friends just because THEY are good at it? And does it feel hard with Anthony because I am actually bad at it or because he is? (I mean probably both). And at the end of the day does it matter? Even if I’m the problem if I can’t figure how to make it better, it’s still not really working. And we all know the answer to every relationship question is just to talk to the other person. I just wish that didn’t feel so hard

#word vomit #am overthinking? #yes absolutely #but I’m still sad #and still confused #and don’t really know how to feel better #I’ve been spending way to much time by myself on the couch lately which doesn’t help #what also doesn’t help is comparing what I would do if I wasn’t dating Anthony #and wondering if that would be better #sigh #and he’s at a conference all week and then going for his gm funeral #so I won’t see him for another week #and then it’ll be past our year anniversary #and that feels bad somehow #but also it’s his grandmas funeral so I don’t want to be really considerate of that #even if he’s not talking about it it’s hard #and he’ll want to be there for his dad #so want to let him be #and not be like whyyyy aren’t you paying more attention to me #so anyway #the giant tumblr over share diary continues