#bc i cant get in the headspace for finished rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crowsent · 4 years

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👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!

thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw

👶- advice for new writers =

yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.

i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.

and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.

you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =

this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.

meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.

then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.

same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method

💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =

magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.

like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better

for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.

the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.

💻- three works of yours that are must reads =

i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous

(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up

(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships. SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki. you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff. very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.

(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.

thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!

#crowsas answers #kny #bnha #sanders sides

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fineline-live · 6 years

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Never Be • lrh

Title: Never Be

Reader Pairing: Y/N and Luke

Rating: eh it’s fluff just bc i need some Lu fluff rn

WARNINGS: mention of panic attack, description of panic attack

Description: Luke never realized how loud he kept his guitar and microphone amps until he heard a girl humming a song about herself.

For the past 18 years I’ve looked out the same window in my room to see that tan garage, the same four boys growing up while walking in and out of it. It was my neighbor Luke’s house, his three friends having grown up hanging out with him. We were all for the most part the same age, their friend Ashton being the oldest by a year or two. The garage was Luke’s bedroom, his parents fitting it to look nicer but also withhold all the noise of the instruments he would play. Luke and I were considered best friends, having grown up together. When we were younger we’d always play outside together, and as we got older we’d settle for smaller things like a movie night or even just a video game filled sleep over. Now as we both reached the age of 18, the quiff haired boy started to become more reserved, only really ever letting one person come over anymore, and that was Michael, myself getting demoted from bestest friend to even just acquaintance.

I watched as the red haired boy pulled up in his shitty broken down truck, getting out and walked in through the garage door. I eventually just shut my curtains, irritated that I wasn’t the one getting to go over and talk to Luke about his day. It’s been months since we even had a movie night, which is rare considering we’d have one at least twice a week. I turned back to my notebook, doodling the smallest things, writing words in fancy fonts, doing anything that could get my mind off of my evergrowing loneliness. I heard Michael’s truck door slam and couldn’t help but look out the window to see him get back in his truck and drive off. He was only with Luke for a good five minutes, leaving me to wonder why he left so quick. I shrugged and went back to doodling, soon hearing the sound of an amp being loudly plugged in. It was probably just Luke setting up his guitar for something.

It was a couple minutes until I started to hear the strumming of chords. I set my pencil down and opened up my window so I could hear better, something Id always do when Luke would play something. The song he started to play didn’t sound familiar though. Usually he would play some type of cover, but I couldn’t pick out what this was. He started to sing along, his voice soft with the music. I pulled up my desk chair next to the window and just sat there for what felt like hours, Luke playing the same song over and over again, perfecting his rhythm and his tone. He eventually stopped playing, leaving me to open my eyes and collect my surroundings, having had sat for so long. I turned back and grabbed my pencil and notebook from my bed and write down what lyrics I could remember from Luke singing.

“I need your love to light up this house,

I wanna know what you’re all about,

I wanna feel you feel you(?) all night

I need to tell you that it’s alright (?) you look fine (?)

....

We’ll never be as young as we are now

It’s time to leave this old black and white town

Let’s seize the day, Let’s run away, Don’t let the colours fade to grey

We’ll never be as young as we are now

As young as we are now”

It was all I could remember, just pieces of what I thought were the words. The tune was stuck in my head though, the chorus sticking out most to me. I had finished writing down parts of it when I heard the garage door slam, Luke trudging out while looking at his phone. He looked the same as he always had. Tall, lanky, pale, quiffed blonde hair, black skinny jeans, and a pair of vans. He hasn’t changed at all in demeanor, so part of me still questioned why he pushed me away so much. I just shrugged, having already dealt with the hurt in the past, not caring enough to go through it again. I closed my window so I wouldn’t have to hear anything. There was a knock on my door, my mum opening it to reveal the sounds of chattering down the hall towards the kitchen. “Foods done.” Was all she said, shutting the door and walking back down the hall. I sighed, wondering who she invited over now, and tightened my arms around my sweater, the autumn weather causing a breeze throughout the house.

I walked down the hall, voices laughing and talking about several different subjects. While walking around the corner I peeked my head to see who was here before taking a deep breath. My feet had already carried me to far to back up, my hands beginning to shake. Liz was here with Celeste, Jack’s girlfriend, talking to my mum about something. Andy, Jack, and my father all having a conversation about a new surf line that Rip Curl came out with. And then there was Luke who just walked in, standing awkwardly in the corner, nodding along to things his dad said. That’s why he finally came out of his room. Liz was the first to notice my appearance, becoming overly excited and loud. “Y/N, sweetheart! How are you?” She walked over for a welcoming hug, squeezing me tight, Celeste doing the same after. “I’m good!”

I walked over towards Jack, giving him a tight side hug. “Hey, dude,” He laughed, hugging tighter. “Wassup, dude.” We both chuckled, Jack keeping his arm around me as they continued talking. Andy reached his hand out for a fist bump, smiling at me as my dad brought up dinner. “Dinner is done if everyone wants to grab a plate!” Everyone smiled at each other, walking to the kitchen island to get a plate. I turned back to look at Luke, a frown on his face as he watched me walk away. I gave him a half assed smile, him not even bothering to return it. I rolled my eyes and turned around, getting my plate of food and following everyone to the larger table we had for when guests were over. We all sat down, Luke ending up in the last spot which happened to be next to me, even though I talked to Jack the whole time.

When we finished eating, everyone sat around the table still talking. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through it as Luke was doing, and without realizing started to hum a tune in my head. I couldn’t figure it out so I just kept repeating it over and over, trying to remember what song it was. Luke had looked up from his phone at me, analyzing the song and his eyes going wide when he heard it. I noticed my phone was about to die, so I got up and walked towards my room to plug it in. As I was plugging in my phone, I didn’t notice Luke walk in behind me until I heard him close my door. “Jesus, Luke.” I held my hand to my chest to try to steady my breathing. “How do you know that song?” His voice was low, almost terrified. I set my phone down on the windowsill and shrugged. “Calm down, mate. You play it all the time.”

His eyes went wider if possible. “You hear me play it?” I nodded my head, not getting why he was so worked up over this. “D-Do you know the words to it?” I shrugged again. “Some of them. It’s kinda hard to hear you through the garage walls, but I can pick some of the words out.” His hands flew to his face, covering it and sitting on the edge of my bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. This cannot be happening.” I looked at him confused, wondering what he was so upset over. “What?” He shook his head, rubbing his eyes and taking deep breaths. “You can’t fucking walk in here and make a big deal over a fucking song when you don’t talk to me for five months, Luke. That’s not how this works.” I crossed my arms against my chest as he slipped himself down to the floor from the bed. His shoulders started heaving, and his hands kept rubbing at his eyes and covering his face. From all the years I knew Luke, I knew what the symptoms were.

I crawled down to my knees, making my way over to his shaking body. He made gasps for air as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get out of the headspace he was in. “You’re okay, Luke. You’re okay. I’m right here, I promise.” I knew unless Luke initiated it, touching him would only make it worse, so I kept my hands to myself. I kept talking to him softly. “Lu, breathe, love. You’re okay.” One of his hands left his face, reaching out to grab one of mine, trying to tell me he needed me close. I scooted closer to him, wrapping my arm around him and trailing my hand up and down his back. I rubbed softly as he tried to call himself down, his breathing still erratic. “Let’s count, Lu. Up to five and then we’ll hold our breath for five more seconds. Can you do that?” I started counting, having to restart every few seconds due to Luke not being able to gain any composure. I knew I’d have to be patient with him, so I just kept starting over, giving him any opportunity to join. His breathing started to slow, choked words finding their way out. “O-One, two, three, f-four, five.” He held his breath, counting to five again. We repeated the process together a few more times until Luke could fully regain his breathing, his face not as red as he was. I pulled him into me, continuing to rub his back, his shoulders shaking every once in awhile from a staggered breath.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked softly. He took another deep breath, nuzzling his face further into my neck. “The songs called Never Be.” I nodded my head, waiting to hear what else he has to say. “I-It’s about, about loving someone and being stuck in a small sh-shitty ass town like th-this.” I rubbed his back softer, leaning my head against his. “Did you write it for someone?” His breath choked in his throat, his body starting to shake. “I cant tell you that.” “That’s okay! It’s okay, Lu. You don’t have to tell me anything else if you don’t want to.” I whispered. He took a shaky breath, exhaling against my neck. “You’ll think I’m crazy if I tell you who it’s about. Especially after how I’ve treated them lately.” My mind started to race, thinking of anyone it could be about. He hasn’t had any girls over in the last couple of months, so I was left confused. “Try me,” I offered.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I craned my neck and looked down at him. “For what?” He shook his head with a sad smile. “For just going MIA on you. Just fucking leaving you to fend for yourself. For not being there for you. For being a shitty best friend. Fuck, I’m probably not even your friend anymore after how I treated you.” I sat against my bed on the floor, with Luke leaning against me. My hand rubbing his back, and the other one reaching down and fidgeting with his fingers. “Was it about me?” His breathing got warmer against my neck, his body trying to pull away. “M’ sorry. I shouldn’t have written it.” I pulled him back to look at me, our fingers still awkwardly intertwined. “You said it’s about loving someone? And being stuck in a shitty town?” He nodded his head, staring down at our fingers.

“I got scared,” he whispered. “I knew that if I told you how I was feeling that you’d probably just laugh and tell me to fuck off and stop joking. I tried to push the feelings away, and I figured if I pushed you away, they would go with, and they didn’t, and I fucking cried myself to sleep for the last five months because you’re over here living your live and I’m so in love with you that I start to panic and can’t think straight. And I just got so scared. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in love.”

Tears sat in my eyes, tears of confusion, and being overwhelmed, and being in love. I grabbed Luke’s hand tighter, interlocking our fingers for good. He started to ramble again repeating all of his earlier words. “Shut the fuck up, Lu,” I laughed softly. He looked at me confused, wondering what he said wrong. I smiled at him. “The more you talk, the less of a chance I have to kiss you.” His eyes went wide, a blush creeping onto his face as I softly pulled his face in towards mine. His lips were soft and warm, and they felt like something that I didn’t wanna let go of. “So what does this mean?” Luke asked pulling away gently. Our foreheads sat together, our noses bumping, our breaths mixing. I couldn’t help but lean in for another small kiss. When I pulled away I smiled, a small giggle escaping my lips.

“It means pack your shit and get your keys because we’re leaving this shitty ass town.”

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cydie · 4 years

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Maroon 5 Assignment??

6:50am

I had a house (house plan) headspace? got the building directly next to mine and turned it into a crisis centre

Crisis centre had “cubicles” 2 rows of 5 and stuck back to back

I arrived later and Bel took me around the floor and there was more of the floor but the main part was the cubicles and the tv area

We got to the cubicles and Bel was explaining them like “so what happens is we register them and then they sit in like that

and i went “Ohhhhh thats what you mean about cubicles i see” - so she’d told me beforehand at a previous time nd i was referencing it - idk if this happened in the dream earlier or if this was assumed knowledge

and then she took me around the lounge area - i think Jen was there, and i think Chantelle was too??? (wow chantelle hahaha jfc) and Bel says something like “this will be the only time we see you hahaha!” and lowkey uncomfortably i went “yeah haha”

and she assigned me a place i could sleep and i went “wait, can i just pop next door” and she was like “huh. yeah. i guess that works.”and i went to the big door and closed it because it was open and some kids were like “thank god i dont have to listen to cats yelling bc now theres a door” and i guess i had like 5 cats cos they jumped onto the door and there was this flap on the centre right of the door that i tried to push back but that open flap part (that was like a sticker peeling off) was just a broken old part of the door????

it didnt matter anyway, after i got into my house i closed all the open doors and going into the bathrooms and rooms and i went into the first bathroom on the right and that had a door that led to the crisis centre so i closed that

i went back out and walked around

idk where the kitchen was like i knew there was a front section

the house was on the second level so idk if the bottom level was mine or a carpark but it was acknowledged that my house is 2nd level but level 1 was never explored or thought about

i walked around to my room and the back part - so i guess the first bathroom to the right had like a bathroom part and another part

skip forward a bit? must have been the next day - oooooooooh thinking back it gives me hospital vibes lmao the ward was definitely different but it does give me the same vibe as children’s in robina Oh man thats so weird i havent thought about robina for ages and i was just recently reading Aly posts on tumblr and reading about how i made a post like 4 years later cos i hadnt used the tag in a while and NOW im having this dream with HOSPITAL vibes????

anyway next day, introduce 3 more characters

so right now, Belinda - Steve is assumed to be around, and YAC crew - I saw them in my peripherals so Jen and Chantelle i guess, maybe James was around too but i didnt see him but he had to be cos hes always free

and background characters (people in the cubicles), and even more background, a few randoms walking around looking like they work here??

3 new characters - introduce Sarah (Lee? pretty sure that was her surname lmao unfortunate) (in previous dream we were talking about Jana??? and I was going to say “actually I saw Sarah kissing Jana in grade 3″ so now Sarah is in this dream) and Sarah was dating.... someone I didn’t know but lowkey reminded me of Charles To and a frog (irl reference froggy tea), and someone else I cant name rn - and Brad

All 3 were sitting in the front balcony bit - i came out and i guess we travelled or took some young people with us on maybe it was a trip??

we had a hotel room but it was ?? similar to my bathroom in my fictional house in this dream

and we had an assignment

idk what everyone else’s assignments were but it was some performance i guess

Sarah wasnt a part of my assignment group - but she was dating Charles I guess?? anyway our assigment was to sing about something - present theory and research??? - and i suggested we sing something from Maroon 5 but in a ballad and i was like yesssss perfect love ballads and charles agreed so thats what we worked on but we had to replace the lyrics and it felt like we really did leave this to the last minute but we were only assigned the assignment like 2 minutes ago

went back to the hotel room where i had a shower but idk if i actually had one or whether it was assumed and timeskipped over it or if its a chunk of the dream i cant remember

i remember in the bathroom (irl im trying to use all the body wash up so i can start using the big one) and in this bathroom, the 2 ? tier shelf on the right of the sink had like bottles and a medium bottle of off brand gift body wash and my 3 tier shelf i have irl was there on the left of the sink but a bit smaller than i have now and the bottles in there were bottles i used to have but used up irl

running late, bc of my shower? we ran all the way down and began performance and ? my hosue was there too so i guess the bathroom was a part of sarah’s house

anyway the assignment went fine - timeskip to an hour in?

natural disaster???? the diner we were in holding the get together ? flooded? with something but it wasnt water but it was the same viscosity and had the same slow moving effect with people and objects but i could breathe fine so either we all developed gills at the last minute or it was something else

? it seemed like we were part of a show like that whole thing was part of a bigger show

we were acting like we were in a play - a performance

7:20am

drew the floor plan and remembered there was a part in betweent he assignment where we werent finished but i was doing talking and charles had the lyrics down???

#dreams #personal

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boys-can-be-suicidal-too · 7 years

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rant time

(TW: self harm)

so everyday I bring a blade to school in case i need to hurt myself during school and cant wait til i get home but i haven't used it till today. I was in health class (we’re learning about mental health atm) and my girlfriend was at a music lesson and when she got back she had to do a test as she was away for it last week. she finished quite quickly and we had some free time towards the end of class. some people in my class always make fun of mental illnesses especially depression and they we’re calling out mean comments and all laughing at them and i felt really uncomfortable so i was sitting on a table meant for 6 people by myself on my laptop whilst everyone else was on theirs and all sitting in 2 big groups. once my girlfriend had finished her test, she said hi to me and came and put her stuff down next to mine, as that’s where she normally sits and i thought that she could tell that i was feeling quite sad especially since she knows that i hate health and i thought that she was going to come and sit next to me and make sure that im alright but no. how could i think that. she doesnt care about me. in stead she went and sat over at one of the big group of boys and started talking and laughing and playing computer games with them. that class ended so i made my way to my next class, art. we are both in the same class again and sit next to each other. i was in such a bad headspace and mind frame and usually she can see that but i guess either ive gotten better at hiding it or she just doesnt care anymore, probably the latter. i felt the need to cut. so after sitting at my desk for a bit contemplating whether or not to go to the bathroom and do it and wondering if/when my girlfriend would properly ask and make sure that im okay, i ended up going to the bathroom and cut myself. i didnt break the skin as i was at school and didnt want to deal with blood but it was enough to last till i got home. for the rest of the day, i ignored her just like shes being doing to me for the past month or so. now ive been home for 4 hrs and waiting for her to txt me and ask if im okay but she hasnt. i dont think she will. she probably doesnt even care about me and is only staying with me out of pitty. she’ll probably see this but i dont even care anymore. other people are telling me to break up with her bc of how shes treating me but honestly i love her too much to let her go, anyways loves supposed to hurt, right? if she is reading this, she knows who she is and yes, the account ive reblogged it off is my account. its my second account. the one where i write down all my feelings and thoughts that i cant tell anyone in person because no one irl cares. whatever. im so done with life rn. i want this to all be over. not long now. bye

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