#because i don't know what the truth is

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry. #Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong: #“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH. #This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated. #I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them. #Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad. #When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment! #I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug. #Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends) #and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off. #I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi. #obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him. #I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

[ilovereadingandstuff]

I FUCKING LOVE that Blackwhip is literally Izuku's heart. Like...these black strings are almost the only thing we get to know about Izuku's emotions and feelings... because he doesn't voice them out...

And about this last point...I feel like the 'lost of Izuku's pov' arc hasn't come to an actual end to be honest...but that we're getting closer...way more closer than before...i feel it.

#bnha manga spoilers #bakudeku #midoriya izuku #izuku midoriya #yassss baby please tell us everything that has been on your mind... #i need for izuku to talk about his feelings of being quirkless and losing ofa... #he was so emotional about losing it #and now the decision was made #and it seems he regretted it #because the ofa holders were fucking annoying the whole time #(that's the truth tbh but it's not like i wanted them to be dead) #(but yeah) #and he got a moment of losing his arms for real... #and reaching shiggy in an emotional level... #omg this is too much #i don't know what to expect #but i'll trust the process #hori i believe in you

[hephaestuscrew]

One of the many Wolf 359 script directions that is Important To Me is this bit from Ep15 What's Up, Doc?, which comes after Hilbert has been threatening to tell Minkowski how Eiffel ended up on the Hephaestus:

#Wolf 359 #w359 #I do think script directions like this are perfectly reflected in the actors' performances #and also think they are very worth reading #He says he just needs her to drop it *right now* #which gives an opening to bring it up again another time #but we don't have any evidence that she ever tried to ask him again #In my opinion 'I didn't murder anyone' is not a very reassuring defence #because if that's the only defence he can give #it arguably implies that what he did is just a level of awfulness below that #But Minkowski accepts that defence as all she needs to know #She has full confidence in him #a blank cheque of trust #No wonder he didn't want to tell her #(He didn't want to lose that trust) #No wonder it was so devastating for Minkowski to find out the truth #(The idea that her trust might have been misplaced terrifies her) #Also Eiffel is surprised that Minkowski doesn't push it #He's taken aback by how easily she trusts him #He doesn't expect people to trust him #and just take his word for it that they don't need to discuss his past #He's expecting to need to argue #He's preparing to try to justify his secrecy further #But he doesn't need to #She just trusts him immediately #Eiffel & Minkowski #the empty man posteth #Doug Eiffel #Renée Minkowski #w359 spoilers

[eerna]

shoutout to Nicasia for being the only one who figured out Jude was the mastermind behind the coup. Orlagh, Madoc, and Balekin, the Big Brained Centuries Old Antagonists, as well as the rest of Elfhame, all convinced her she was wrong so she gave up on trying to prove it after a while but the way she made Jude sweat was soooo girlbosses supporting girlbosses

#k calling balekin big brained is a stretch but he is supposed to know more about the entire thing than NICASIA #everyone else was like ''oh poor little jude tangled in a situation she isn't capable of handling all because she was useful that one time' #while nicasia was foaming at the mouth screaming ''NO YOU DON'T GET IT IT WAS HER IT WASN'T CARDAN SHE DID SOMETHING TO FORCE HIM INTO IT'' #man i love twk. by far the best of the trilogy. what a cool book #tfota liveblog #now i could keep going and monologue about how repeatedly across books cardan and nicasia know each other so well and know how each is gonn #act or react in a situation and how the reason she was the only one who knew the truth was because she was the only one who got to see his #vulnerabilities and wishes but i'm not gonna do that bc it's 2 am <3<3<3<3<3

[arkiwii]

very sad still see the saria/silence divorce headcanon still going around

have you ever tried to consider that they never dated before lone trail because it would be unrealistic with the timeline and the events and also because it would be overshadowing the actual truth of why they couldn't get along

#i'll elaborate #firstly it's ok if you headcanon this i don't want to invalidate what people think #it's just that I think it's a fanon joke that have been going around for way too long #and I can't help but shed a small tear when I see people really headcanoning it #I personally think it's way more interesting if we consider that they never had something going on before Lone Trail #mostly because it's weird that they started dating in like some months when they barely knew or saw each other #but also because it adds nothing but just makes things even more harder for them #my personal headcanon is that Silence was maybe having feelings for Saria but like #you know these very premature feelings #like just “oh wow she's pretty and nice” #but nothing like really deep #but they never had anything going on before the diabolic crisis #and after lone trail after they made up and saw each other's true person #they start to actually get real feelings #I'm just complaining but I've been still seeing it around somehow and it's sad to me that this joke became a fact for many people #there's still a lot of fanfics about how they had been dating and now they're on bad terms #I think that going on the “they're exes” route is way too easy and actually hides the potential and interesting reason #of why Silence was mad at Saria #it's not because she hates Saria or blame her #it's because she's mad at herself for being so weak #really making them appear as exes just hides this really interesting truth and makes it all seem to be a sad love story #consider that they never had any of this and that this tension between them is because they blame themselves!! #their story is not a love story but above all a story about self love and acceptance #just my two cents enjoy my rambling i go back to bed now #(not putting this in the main tag I don't want to start a war I'm just rambling)

[mymarifae]

does anyone want to join me on the aventurine/argenti train. it's got all the perks of being as funny as any other argenti ship - especially given the random absurdity of their first meeting. what the hell was argenti doing in the depths of the nihility? who even knows anymore man. but like also i think it has the potential to be really sweet?

aventurine hasn't let anyone In since his sister died. he's long since forgotten how to Trust, and Love, and how to BE Loved. and this, combined with enormous amounts of survivor's guilt and trauma and being treated as an object, has really done a number on his self-esteem. he doesn't act like it (because he's learned that it's dangerous to be vulnerable; it's the one gamble he's not willing to take), but 2.1 gave us that glimpse into his inner dialogue and it is Bad in there

between his conversation with acheron, the note veritas left for him, and finding a sense of closure in the apparition of his younger self, he's on track to becoming better. we can see it in the way he pretty much immediately reaches out to the trailblazer to get some things off his chest once he gets his phone working again. and the way he's accepting what is basically a form of therapy from the doctors of chaos. but his self-hatred has been building up for years, and it's going to take a long time to unpack and unlearn all of that

so like, in comes argenti, right? he's a loud show-off, but he is SO earnest. he sees the beauty in everything and everyone. he's kind, and gentle, and so full of love. he also comes off as a bit... lonely to me? he's spent so much of his life chasing after idrila's shadow, and only catching a glimpse of them in his many near-death experiences (and isn't that something to think about...........). he's not like, secretly miserable or faking or anything - i think his exuberance is 1000% genuine. but humans are social creatures; everyone wants and requires at least some form of closeness and intimacy. to have a love to pursue in This realm... someone he can see and hold without needing to have one foot in an early grave . i think that would be good for him. that's all

anyway, it's clear that argenti was pretty enchanted by aventurine

like yeah that's kind of just how he talks normally but !?@,%&#& that's a lot of awfully romantic things to say about one specific person out of the several you apparently rescued (??????? god i love this guy he makes no sense. literally why are you even here bud). it seems that aventurine's more subdued state left an impression on him too, and well wouldn't it be pretty in character for him to start popping in randomly... as he does, because he can apparently just go wherever the fuck he wants. to check on this sad yet oh so beautiful peacock.. to try to bring a true smile to his face... to show him how kind and beautiful the universe can be......

i think aventurine might have a hard time laughing off offers of comfort and company and the beginnings of a courtship if it comes from someone like argenti. this man couldn't be disingenuous if he tried. he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve as much as he rips it out of his chest to show you. it'll be a learning curve regardless - aventurine is too used to needing to constantly prove his worth to keep anyone around and to keep them from hurting him

but do you see it. do you see the vision. do you see how Sweet this could be. aventurine is about to receive more roses than he'll know what to do with

#i spent enough time on this that i think i can... #honkai star rail #argenti #aventurine #aventi... argenturinenope i hate this one actually #avegenti. dude i don't know don't ask me i'm just the messenger #like can i just say that what most ratiorine shippers are trying to squeeze out of that would be better found Here. #i don't mind the ship as much as i used to. veritas is kinder than i gave him credit for. i can even enjoy it if done right #but like #? veritas may be kinder than i originally thought but he's not that kind. #he's harsh truths and tough love. he started to soften after aventurine's unexpected death sentence and he has the potential to soften more #but guys i don't think a ratiorine relationship that takes place so soon after the events of penacony or god forbid BEFORE- #is going to go that smoothly #veritas has his head pretty deep in his own ass. it's going to take him a bit to get that out #he's more likely to hurt aventurine and send him right back into his defensive shell than he is to actually help him along his recovery #and/or aventurine is likely to dismiss any of his attempts to be more forthcoming with his feelings because of his perceived dislike for hi #and just how their working relationship always was Before #if you want to talk about that and the messy struggle to be better for each other after they stomp all over the other's heart #i'm all ears man. #but if you want something that's softer from start to finish and not so stressful... listen to me. argenti and aventurine is where that's a #i think both options are appealing tbh? in their own ways

[frevandrest]

Understanding 18th Century

There's a prevailing problem I've noticed in interpreting frev: people not really understanding that this was 18th century. Oh, they understand it on an intellectual level, but they still apply today's worldview to it. And you can't do that if you wish to understand wtf was going on.

(This is not about anyone here nor a shade at anyone in particular. Just a trend I've noticed, especially in bad takes).

All historical periods have this problem where people interpret things from the point of view of our own time. So that's hardly special about frev and 18c. But a tricky part is that 18c saw the development of things that we still use today (constitutions, voting system, etc.) that it may seem like it's more similar to our world than it actually was.

For example. The voting system. They had it and so do we. Except they were assholes who didn't allow women to vote. (Which is fair criticism, but people often forget that not all men had the right to vote either - so any criticism of exclusion should take that into account. Was it really about women per se, or about their ideas on who can and cannot make a free and rational vote? What is that they saw wrong about women and certain men voting? - Their attitude sure sucks, but if we ask these questions we understand better what was going on vs just going "sexist men", which only explains part of the issue). Or: journalism. They had political slander and so do we. But uuugh, their slander was so openly personal and often ridiculed someone's looks/sexual practices in supposedly serious political attacks - wtf was that? Or: trials. Of course we all know how trials are supposed to be done and what kind of arguments/evidence they should include. The fact they focused so much on character slander is incorrect and ridiculous, and...

Stop. Instead of assuming that they "did it incorrectly", think about: 1) how we do these things today is a product of decades/centuries of development; they didn't have that. They were only inventing it for the first time. 2) They did stuff according to their cultural beliefs. If they focused so much on character assassination as an argument, it means it was significant for their worldview.

You might not like it (and fair enough) but it's not possible to understand what was going on unless we understand how they thought and what they knew and what their worldview was. Which is not easy. It's not simply about knowing the state of scientific thought or what they believed about the world. Understanding how this affected the way they thought and how they interpreted things, or how they build meaning and conclusions - none of that is easy. But we have to question our assumptions, even if we're unable to see things from their pov. Because that's the only way not to arrive at wrong conclusions.

Similarly, many terms what they used had a different meaning to how they are used today (or, at least, they were understood in ways dissimilar to how we use them). Concepts such as despotism, tyranny, dictator, terror; also some seemingly easy to understand terms like "being a moderate" or even "patriotism". If we assume 18th century people used them in the same way that we do, we won't be able to understand wtf they are talking about.

#this is not about 18c or frev specifically #but it's a good example #many bad takes about frev include this lack of understanding #coupled with interpreting past with present #and it's bad #and hey it's not just about frev #royalism too #like i am not a fan of louis or marie antoinette but their actions too have to be interpreted from 18th century worldview #like of course they did stuff that they did #they fought for what they believed in their souls was the truth #natural hierarchies aming humans and the monarch's right to rule etc. #and many of people - not just rich and powerful- also believed that #i don't think any of that is good but it was a worldview they operated under #so to understand their actions we need to know that #or anyone's action #not to excuse it but to understand wtf was going on #because applying our understanding cannot explain it #frev #french revolution

[the-girl-with-too-many-ideas]

Unpopular opinion, If the story was told from Shen Jiu's perspective, svsss would be a horror and Shen Yuan the villain.

I mean, you're talking about someone who had little to no automony their entire childhood. Who was a slave and suffered unspeakable horrors at the hands of his master to the point of developing a fear of men. Who knows what it is like to have no control over your body or what happens to it.

So, to be not only kicked out of his body, but forced to watch as someone else occupies and uses it (arguably doing and becoming everything he was rumored to have been and done) would be viscerally horrific.

(This is why I firmly believe that YQY would take the Shen Yuan revelation badly. He was a slave too, and without a doubt, knows how much Shen Jiu valued his freedom and autonomy above everything else. He would be so horrified and devastated to learn that his Xiao Jiu was stripped of both again while he stood by and did nothing again.)

#idea dump #ramblings of a sleep deprived girl #scum villian self saving system #mxtx svsss #svsss #shen jiu #shen qingqiu #tw: slavery #tw: allusions to SA #I don't explicitly say it but I do imply it #unpopular opinion #transmigration is horror #especially when you're the person who has their body stolen #even more horrific when said person is heavily traumatized #yqy would not take the truth well at all #the fact that he was also a victim of slavery is so overlooked #so he also knows what it's like to have no automony #but that won't be the thing that horrfies him but rather that it happened to shen jiu again #while he was unable to do anything about it again #his not horrified for himself but because it happened to his Xiao Jiu

[straight-to-the-pain]

I don't know if anyone else in the whump community has read 'A Constellation of Vital Phenomena' by Anthony Marra but it is genuinely a really good book and also has some of the best depictions of torture and its aftermath that I have read in fiction.

I wanted to share some of my favourite quotes, hopefully without too many spoilers as it is out of context, but maybe skip this post if you don't want to know anything at all going in.

To give a brief summary, the book centres around the lives of people in Chechnya during the first and second war between the Russian government (Feds) and the separatist rebels. The main story focuses on a man (Akhmed) who is trying to save his neighbour's daughter from being killed by the Feds after her father is taken away in the middle of the night. He does this by taking her to a hospital where he then volunteers. One of the people in his village (Ramzan) becomes an informer for the Feds after being tortured, and this is explored in the excerpts below.

‘Information the Feds would torture them for was written here on the walls for all to see. It was well understood among the men that the Feds had as much sense as two bricks smashed together. It was also understood that pain, rather than information, was the true purpose of interrogation.'

'During his first detention in the landfill, in 1995, in the first war, he had refused to inform. They had wrestled down his trousers, shown him the bolt cutters, and still he had said no. Screaming, thrashing, with his manhood half severed, he had said no. He had done that, and now he was ready to start saying yes.'

'He would have confessed everything, but they didn't ask, weren't interested, threatened to cut out his tongue and put pliers to his teeth if he spoke one more fucking word. Electric wires were wound around his fingers. A car battery was drained into his bones. God might have been watching, but it wasn't God's finger on the battery switch. The interrogating officers didn't speak. Instead he was an instrument they played, performing a duet, and in their own way they conversed through his sobs. They both wore very shiny shoes. That was all he would remember.'

'He had trouble walking, He had forgotten torture could be so exhausting. The new interrogator, the one with less shiny shoes, held him upright, using his whole body as a crutch, and helped him walk. He carefully wiped Ramzan's forehead with a handkerchief before opening the door to the next room.'

'The interrogator with less shiny shoes crouched behind him. His hands were wet. Ramzan promised everything, and the interrogator, like the parent of a child too old to believe in ghosts, watched him with disappointment, his clear eyes saddened by Ramzan's sincerity. The interrogator took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, laid the live wires on Ramzan's chest and mapped the border of their shared humanity. Ramzan offered his soul. He begged to be enslaved. The known universe contracted to the limits of the cement floor, and on it, the interrogator was both man and deity, prophet and god. By ten o'clock the interrogator with less shiny shoes asked his first question. By eleven the electrical wires were unwound from Ramzan's fingers. By noon he was allowed to dress. By one he was on the FSB payroll. He kept thanking the interrogator with less shiny shoes.'

‘Greed didn’t motivate his informing, at least not primarily; primarily he informed by necessity, to survive, for his love and hate and above all awe of the power wielded by the interrogating officer with less shiny shoes.'

'That was his greatest fear. Could he stay silent? Could he withstand what awaited him? He told himself that his love for the girl should fortify him against any torture, but this, like so much of what he told himself, was a lie. After all, he was squeamish at the sight of blood, what would he say when lying in a puddle of his own? But he saw no other way. He would pray for the strength to stay silent, for a quick heart attack, and leave the rest to God.' (This is Akhmed POV)

'When they threatened to beat me, I said nothing, Akhmed. When they threatened to beat me, I said nothing. When they threatened to electrocute me, I said nothing. When they threatened to castrate me, I said nothing. I said nothing, Akhmed. Whatever you think of me, you remember that once I said nothing when a wiser man would have sung. And the interrogators, they couldn't believe it. They called in others to examine me. I was there on the floor, and above their faces were dark ovals silhouetted by the ceiling lights. They had beaten me hard and I couldn't hear right, but I kept saying no, with every breath I had. The main reason they let me go, the only reason they didn't shoot me right there was out of perverse respect, some sort of professional courtesy. But I wish they had shot me, Akhmed, because the good part of me died there, and all this, everything since, has been an afterlife I'm trying to escape.'

‘I knew what was coming. I knew it never stops. They put a shame inside you that goes on like a bridge with no end, the humiliation, the fucking humiliation of knowing that you are not a human being but a bundle of screaming nerve endings, that the torture goes on even when the physical hurt quietens. People treated me differently when I came back the first time.'

#torture #whump #s talks #a constellation of vital phenomena #idk what else to tag this with tbh #electricity torture #beating #I don't think it counts as gore tbh but like viewer discretion is advised #I really like this portrayal tbh #because like torture sort of is effective for the feds but they dont actually care about the truth #ramzan is mostly just giving up people who gossipped about him and then just whoever he is told he has to invent evidence on #and like obviously there are characters who do not choose to inform #akhmed does not give up the girl we know this #but yeah idk it's intersting to me #like torture as something functional but also completely empty of meaning #also I just really like the writing #and the way it talks about the aftermath and the trauma of it that alters ramzan forever in some ways #but it's also clear that it's not just the torture that made him do it like #he is a complex character and he is also trying to protect his dad who relies on insulin to survive #and he also agreed to inform to save his friend who had his fingers cut off

[cluescorner]

Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".

*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.

*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-

Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-

Arlecchino: Ok.

Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?

Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.

*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*

Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????

Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.

#arlecchino #genshin impact #pierro #WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?! #Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty #I'm so fucking confused #Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do??? #HELP #She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting. #I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking #care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to #prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro) #having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different #she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm #IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job. #But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS #That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you #shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around #so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines #kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it #she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to #the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient. #at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

This election day, I'm thinking of my Nana.

I'm thinking of how as a young woman, she fled political violence in her native Colombia to build a new home in a more stable country. I'm thinking about how she lived a long life, but not long enough to see her home country elect its first ever progressive president (just a few months ago!).

Coincidentally, I was living in Colombia at that time (in the very city she grew up in), and I was able to witness what felt like a miracle. A very conservative country, suffering from the violent inheritance of colonization and catholic invasion and the war on drugs, against a backdrop of the dangerous global rise of the far right--this unlikely country managed to elect one of the most progressive heads of state in the world, in 2022. That's a pretty big deal.

And I'm thinking about this, this election day, because that election was won by a very thin margin. I'm thinking about how it almost didn't happen. I'm thinking about how it was only possible thanks to the highest voter turnout in 20 year. And I am thinking about the countless number of voters who chose to vote for the first time. I am thinking of the poorest and most disenfranchised citizens who showed up at the polls. I am thinking of the indigenous women who rode 12 hours on public buses to vote at the 'nearest' polling stations. I am thinking of all the money and corruption that went into preventing minority citizens from voting, and I'm thinking about how they showed up in the millions and voted anyway.

I am thinking that I would like to see a miracle like that in my own home country.

So if you're on the fence about waiting in line today to cast your vote, I hope that you will think--about the country you want to live in, the future you hope will unfold, and about all of the people it takes to make a miracle.

Because history may deem us nameless and faceless, but when we show up en masse, we are the ones who make history happen.

And yes, maybe also spare a thought for my Nana. Who was in fact a very angry and judgemental woman who supported the republican party for 50+ years, and who would be turning in her grave right now (if the family hadn't had her cremated). Think about the mean angry ghost of my Colombian grandmother, who very much wants you to not show up at the polls to support abortion and other sinful progressive values. Think about her. Do it for her. Do it for Nana.

#Do it! for her #not a shitpost #serious post #politics #ask to tag #I love you Nana but i disagree SO vehemently with almost all of your personal political and religious values #also you should have treated my mom SO MUCH BETTER when she was a kid. all of your kids really #i see you very much as a victim of religious trauma & childhood poverty #followed by the cultural isolation of being a first generation immigrant with no local hispanic community to provide support #plus the failure of late 20th century mental health care almost certainly compounded by medical sexism #recognize sympathize and am indignant on your behalf for all of those reasons and more #but that truth can also coexist alongside the truth that #hot DAMN Nana you and Papa very much failed to provide your children with an emotionally safe and stable environment in which to grow #and me and my sibs are still dealing with the generational trauma #and who knows how many of my cousins. I HAVE TWENTY-ONE COUSINS AND I DON'T TALK TO ANY OF THEM #that is too many cousins to not be in contact with any of them #(and fyi that's on *one* side of the family. on the other side are a dozen half-aunts-and-cousins I've never met #because Other Grandpa was a Certified Piece of Shit) #Anyway. ANYWAY... #apparently i really needed to overshare today. know what? no judgement. judgement free zone #i have no judgement thoughts or opinions i am finally FREE #........gosh that sounds so relaxing #ANYway #yeah. break the cycle of abuse or your descendants will grow up and critique your parenting choices on third-tier social media platforms #when people say 'they will always be remembered' at a funeral--that is a THREAT #what they actually mean is 'OH HONEYBUN YOU DONE FUCKED UP' #.........i want that in my eulogy actually

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Instruction on Courtship

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #wei wuxian #a-qing #(In case ppl are wondering: LJY and LSZ changed their hairstyles to get into character). #I love this scene very much its so silly and sweet #a-qing is WAITING though guys. Come ON #Lan Jingyi definitely is the type to read romance novels and be a deep romantic at heart. And of course vehemently deny it. #But the truth of the matter is that wwx and lwj don't follow those typical romance tropes (at least not at the moment) #wwx and lwj split up because they *know* the other one is perfectly capable on their own! It's about acknowledgement and respect. #The original line was “Why. I trust him and his skills” which is more accurate to the Audio Drama. Because that's the core of what makes #Wangxian so good! Trust!! Despite years of miscommunication- there is deep trust between these two! #They can and will delegate tasks because they are an effective team! #If you cannot trust the person you say you love and care about - you have killed that relationship. (Genuine relationship advice). #Add one more to the 'retelling of wwx's story from other's perspective' counter. #I know that wangxian get more lovey later on but I really feel like mxtx was trying to make a point here. The more interesting dynamics #are not one's that rehash lines and tropes from dime a dozen romance books (sorry boys)

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

Really curious to know where in the heck people got this "Caine is an old man" thing from

#rambles #Really. Where is this information from. I know gooseworx revealed all of the humans' ages but there is nothing on Caine or any of the AIs #It makes sense why that is because he's a frickin BOT. Are you going to tell me chatGPT is a middle aged man?? #But sure he has a “coded age” or whatever; let's entertain the thought. #He clearly reads as an adult. But OLD??? #What supports this???? We don't know how much time people have been in the Digital Circus or how long it has existed #“Years” is too damn vague. There is no specific sense for the passage of time #There's no way to determine his age that way #He could very well be younger than everyone in that place #Then is it his mannerisms??? HE'S A FREAKIN RINGMASTER #Are people just collectively assuming Caine is old just because???? #I haven't found ANY basis for this ANYWHERE. GODDD #And it's annoying especially when people use this to justify antagonizing shippers #end rant #*hits edit button* AND ANOTHER THING #Look. Even if Caine IS old. That's okay #Everyone in the show is canonically an adult #I'm just baffled at this because people assume it's an absolute truth when we just. don't know.

[thevalleyisjolly]

I love how despite the party trying to shake the secrets out of Colin, no one has made an Insight check against anything he’s said about himself yet, which means that technically, nothing he’s said actually has to be true.  It doesn’t mean it’s not, but if it wasn’t, who’s to say?

#dimension 20 #the ravening war #dimension 20 spoilers #the ravening war spoilers #the perks of being a very low charisma character who keeps claiming to have no secrets #is that everyone assumes you won't bother lying because you're so bad at it #meaning that technically; as long as it's not an outlandish lie; you could get away with a lot of little lies and evasions #even if people know you're being evasive or secretive; they probably won't think you're outright lying because why would you bother? #for the record: i don't think colin has outright told a lie but just been very selective and general with what parts of the truth he shares

[shallowseeker]

If you're a native Spanish speaker, wanna take a stab at the telenovela in 7x03? (It's very hard to hear under the main audio.) You can hear, My love, my love? I think I hear, no me dejes (Don't leave me) in the mix.

I love that Ricardo, you know, has a bloody collar and smudge on his right brow, kind of like...you know:

///

7x01

Ahem.

It also, of course, calls to mind John's death in 4x03, but only in how Mary cradles him.

The rest is so-- [REDACTED]

And if you think Dean wasn't grieving in his prickly veneer of toughness, listen to his voice in that brief moment he thought Cas was back. His breathy little "Ca-as?" is sooo shaky.

Then, he and Bobby both grabbed onto him with the intention of getting him home (and working through what just happened, "Okay, one thing at a time.") It was so--

This is the same episode where Cas said he had no more nostalgia for Dean and threatened to snap him into bloody soup, and then Dean urged Death to kill Cas, and Cas looked somehow shocked, despite what he'd just threatened to do himself. They're so--

To say nothing of the look on Dean's face when the Leviathan says in clear words, "Cas is, hmm, gone. He's-- dead!"

#just curious #this show was so like THAT even back in season 7 #bobby and dean watch ricardo die like they watch [REDACTED] die #and sam is somewhere in the background in both cases #anyhoo dean's leg is broken because his [REDACTED] is also broken #we know dean cries in private #and he has the coat so #hmmmmm #we'll see dean's nightmares in this season too #I'M JUST SAYING #Ricardo is [REDACTED] #broken legs symbolize powerlessness and emotional vulnerability #this is what dean was actually doing with the overcoat #just crying into it sometimes #i perceive the truth #dean/cas #dean/cas + grief #dean/cas + doomed lovers trope #dean/cas + losing each other #dean/cas + i don't know why it hurts so much #cas/dean #destiel #dean & cas #dean winchester #spn castiel #spn season 7 #spn 7x01 #meet the new boss #spn sera gamble #spn 7x02