#bpd facts

[mysticmoon02]

Splitting in borderline personality disorder

What is splitting?

To simply put it, splitting is a psychological defense mechanism for a person with BPD.

“Splitting” means seeing a person either as all good (“they are the best partner/friend ever!”) or all bad (“do they even like me/know me at all?! I am so upset I feel like ending this”). The switch from idealization to devaluation.

Splitting allows a person with BPD to tolerate extremely difficult feelings (e.g. rejection, perceived abandonment).

What causes splitting?

Splitting occurs when something happens that triggers a person with BPD. This trigger can seem small or harmless to the average person but usually refers back to previous trauma where the person felt extremely lonely, rejected or abandoned.

People with BPD tend to respond in emotional extremes, any small or negative thing (change in tone of voice,body language or even just taking long to respond to a text/not responding) causes feelings of insecurity and discomfort which can lead to Splitting as a way to emotionally protect themselves from re- experiencing trauma.

Examples of splitting

*you are either “perfect” or “evil”

*something “always” or “never “goes right

*you are “always” or “never” here for me

As people with BPD may even split on themselves and either think they are the worst person ever characterized by extreme self hatred, or they feel they are the most amazing/ intelligent person characterized by the BPD “god complex.”

Symptoms of splitting

Note: a person with BPD often experiences emotional dysregulation, which means they are not able to manage their emotions like someone without BPD. Therefore, when a person with BPD splits they usually act in a way that falls outside of a “normal” response. Please be understanding.

*feelings of disappointment or betrayal

*feeling unloved, insecure, rejected, or abandoned

* becoming angry or withdrawn/isolating themselves by not responding to messages, answering very shortly or uncharacteristically or being argumentative

*they may even become very angry at themselves

*engaging in impulsive/ dangerous activities to manage extreme feelings of anger or sadness

How to help a loved one who is splitting

*don’t become angry, defensive, or ignore them. This will cause the person to split even more. The best thing to do is to recognize when they are splitting and to stay calm.

*setting boundaries are important BUT so is validating and reassuring the person with BPD that you are not abandoning them or rejecting them and letting them know that you still care about them.

*once you reassured them, it is a good idea to suggest that they take some time to calm down before discussing what might upset them.

*through clear and constant communication, you can really help the person with BPD regulate their emotions.

Please note this about splitting!

Splitting is in no way a choice! We do not split to Manipulate or seek attention.

People with BPD experience intense and overwhelming emotions and struggle to intergrate good and bad feeling because they are so big to us.

Splitting is a subconscious mechanism that allows people with BPD to deal with emotions that are contradictory.

#recovery #mental health #quiet bpd #bpd support #bpd facts #bpd recovery #bpd awareness #bpd #actually bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #quiet borderline

[spriinglockedd]

BPD is:

BPD is being stuck awake at 4:00am because you're splitting. Why are you splitting? Because after 3 years of dating your partner you're seeing them for the first time in person in less than 15 hours. It's such a huge change and you're terrified that something is gonna go wrong. What if they see you and decide you're not what they wanted? What if you stop loving them? What if their parents hate you? So many scenarios are running through your head, so now you're splitting. Now your brain is attempting self sabatoge. Your chest hurts and you're restless, and the intrusive thoughts are telling you to back out and run.

I'm terrified. I love them, I know I love them, and I just need my brain to shut up. I need the urge to self sabotage to shut up and I need the intrusive thoughts to stop telling me I don't love the person I've been dating for 3 fucking years. I don't wanna back out and I don't wanna run. This is such a huge change and my mind is swirling.

-Michael :')

#bpd splitting #bpd facts #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd vent #black and white #borderline splitting #spriinglockedd #system

[waitingforafriendblog]

Picture this:

You’re driving down the interstate,, wearing layers of socks under a very large pair of hiking boots….. and,,, suddenly,, you become possessed by the itch on the bottom of your foot.

That’s how suicide feels for those with BPD….

And 80% of those with BPD have extreme thoughts of suicide….

….. 10% commit the act.

But I’m just a joke of a human being right lol?

#BPD facts #ignorance #lol #suic1de #bpd awareness

[honeypleasejustkillme]

nothing is real to me

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #nothing is real #absolutely nothing #we’re gaslighting ourselves into believing things are real when they are infact not #i’m saying all this so i don’t freak the fuck out #you could consider this a shitpost but i consider it facts

[salemontrial]

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

#no im so pissed about that. #dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful #and just #walk away scot free #last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month. #that might just be the bpd tho #but still #quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself #and then she makes her her vice?????????? #she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip #sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around #which as she should #but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL #in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist #like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider #i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it #and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe' #THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????. #also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis #with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions #and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore #and then victimizing herself!!!!!!! #like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is #idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner #anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page. #heartbreak high #heartbreak high season 2 #quinni gallagher jones #sasha so #missy beckett

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I’m not gonna fight for people who don’t even try to keep me

#ryan.txt #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fuck it #yep I’m hurt yep I’ll eventually get over it #rn I’m hurt #recovery journey #but the fact that these two didn’t even try to keep me #buh bye #losers #didn’t deserve me #I did so much for them meanwhile they didn’t even know basic info about me<3 #go to hell

[im-getting-help]

AND THE THING ABOUT OLIVER AND BOUNDARIES!

Is so obvious to me that his parents were party at fault for his lack of boundaries. Not because they we're malicious and intentional about it, but because they loved him so much they tend to cross his limits.

(Kinda like what Oliver did with Felix, but less obsessive).

From my experience it's something relatively normal about the relationship between parents and their children. The first time we really understand boundaries is when we enforce them to separate ourselves from our parents expectations. It seems to me that Oliver never learned how to do that. He's constantly molding himself to appease and appeal, and when it becomes to much, he flees.

Let's go back to the little things Paula and Jeff share with us in that brief birthday scene.

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself"

"He was so clever, that's why he found it hard to make friends, they were jealous".

"It's been hard not seeing him. But it must be a lot of pressure being the top scholar and being in the rowing team, and the union, and the plays..."

Let's start with the lies.

How long ago Oliver started lying to his parents to make space for himself?

Cause the lies don't necessarily feel like something he used to impress them. It seems to me like the Quicks already thought Oliver was exceptionally smart "he was always so clever" and he's just keeping appearances.

But the amount of things he said he did. The plays, the rowing team, the union, the work of studying to maintain the "top scholar position" like reading, doing work and essays and projects, assisting to classes, lectures and tutorials, it's a lot!.

"It's been hard not seeing him". How many times Paula called just to be ignored or quickly dismissed? with an excuse like "sorry i have an essay due tomorrow" or "im going to practice for the play". And why Oliver wanted to separate himself so much from his family?

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself" why would Oliver wanted to separate himself not only from his parents but his siblings too?

The Quicks said that "We go to to Mykonos every year. Well, not anymore. Not now that the kids are all grown up". That makes me think that Oliver sisters are older than him. Oliver doesn't seem to have a close relationship with them either. Was it because of the age gap? How much older were her sisters? Maybe they had to babysit and that created a second-mother kind of dynamic?

It sounds like he was being smothered by them. And again, i'm not saying it was intentional, but maybe Oliver needed much more space that what the Quicks were able or willing to give. And he didn't know how to ask.

And maybe (only maybe cause i don't really have good foundation for this) Oliver learned that the best way to get space from them was saying he was occupied, specifically studying. So maybe it started at school, him saying that he had to finish homework or read a book or do project, and maybe these were the only times he'll be left alone. Maybe that was the perfect excuse to explain why he didn't have many friends too.

(and i wonder why a kid with no sense of boundaries would have a hard time making friends 👀)

And why Oliver keeps lying?

After moving to Oxford, he could've just draw back and create that space without making an excuse. But he didn't, because he cares, he likes that his family thinks he's intelligent and capable. But he doesn't care for spending time with them.

I don't think he said all those lies to look especially intresting or important, but he did choose to "be occupied" by being a good student. Not in a "i won an award for best performance" but a "I'm too busy to talk, i have tutorial"

And look at the way the Quicks react to Oliver saying he has to go, is very interesting.

Paula just gives up instantly. She offers a compromise, and when rejected she's obviously frustrated but she just lets it go. On the other hand Jeff tries to reason with his son a little "your mother spent all morning doing lunch" but they seem very accustomed to this situation. It's not the first time Oliver escapes a conversation.

So, to me, is obvious that Oliver's parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to Oliver's lack of healthy boundaries.

He never really draw the line with them, he just made excuses to avoid and elude and ultimately flee when the situation got out of hand. And they never picked up on it, they kept repeating the same scenarios multiple times without having a conversation about it.

I feel like his parents never really confronted him about anything. Maybe because they didn't sense anything was wrong, maybe because, same as the Cattons, they didn't know how to approach the situation or maybe because they know Oliver gets really fcking upset whenever they tried to have a conversation about it, who knows.

So at the end we have a 20yo dude who never learned how to enforce a boundary or why is healthy to have them and has absolutely no idea how to perceive and not cross others limits.

#Idk #Oliver's parents fascinate me #his whole family actually #why is Oliver the way he is? #if his family is so normal #(is the undiagnosed bpd) #the magical thing about families is that they don't need to be hostile towards eachother to develop unhealthy dynamics #sometimes the simple fact that their ways of communicating don't match is enough to create trauma and hurtful cycles #Oliver go to therapy i beg you please im on my knees go to therapy ily please #oliver quick #saltburn #felix catton

[mirrorofliterature]

amatonormativity is one of the most harmful forces in society, actually.

it’s incredibly structural, and invisible, and if you don’t live outside striving for the monogamous ideals, it can be incredibly normalised to a very toxic extent

amatonormativity:

- contributes to abuse (people staying in relationships because they are manipulated into thinking that some romantic relationship is better than none)

- high divorce rates

- unhappy marriages

- unhappy relationships

- inability to live alone

- devaluing of friendship

- is underpinned and underpins ableism (disabled people’s humanity is often judged on their capacity for sex and love, particularly romantic)

idk, maybe we should take this seriously? all a lot of freedom movements - particularly feminism - are striving for are giving people choice on what to do with their lives.

amatonormativity is the societal norm. it is real, it is not good for anyone. relationship anarchy is cool.

anyway.

#amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia particularly #and discussing the social stigma on polyamory obliquely #tw abuse mention #divorce #I just think measuring how human someone is based on anything other than the fact that they are alive is always going to end badly #I saw a post earlier saying that aphobia is largely albeism #and oof I agree #particularly when it comes to people who have disorders like NPD or BPD #they are so dehumanised #like just treat other humans with basic respect and dignity? #literally the bare minimum

[d34d-d06-404]

Little 4x comic

#bfb #bfb four #bfb x #bfb 4x #bfb 4 #bfb fanart #bpd headcanon #bipolar headcanon #fun fact i drew this at 2am #sorry for the misspellings

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd culture is mistaking fear of supply loss for fear of abandonment

.

#imma be real this ask actually had me question what my fears were really about for a bit #i have come to the conclusion i do in fact actually fear abandonment 😭 and also supply loss #bpd and npd real #npd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b

[darlingjmiller]

> goes in for adhd assessment

> comes out with adhd AND autism

2 for 1 special amirite

#adhd #autism #actually adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #this is all on top of my bpd #which she reinforced that i do in fact have bpd also #when i thought i was misdiagnosed with bpd instead of adhd #nope it’s all 3 apparently #collecting goddamn diagnoses like pokémon card #actually autistic #personal

[veronicathegoddess]

realized today that i am a very disturbed, strange and off-putting person and men are deeply afraid of me but try to laugh it off and act like they aren't cause i am hot, really confident and they wanna hit

#i have talked about torture methods on a first date #i know a concerning number of deeply disturbing world war 2 facts #i also will make jokes about stabbing you multiple times #but its always done in a sorta ditzy funny haha with an underlying of darkness way #so men are scared but they mostly think its quirky #when im fact i have bpd and autism and just happen to be hot in addition to what makes me strange #rants and ramblings

[spriinglockedd]

One thing I wanna point out is when it comes to splitting, everyone always talks about the black thinking. However white thinking is never mentioned.

In BPD, a splitting episode means black and white thinking. There is no gray area.

Black thinking: Everything is horrible, everything's going wrong and there's no possible way it'll be okay. I'm horrible, everyone is horrible I hate everyone and I hate myself.

White thinking: Life is amazing, nothing could possibly go wrong and I'm having the best life ever. These people are amazing and I love them so much, they're perfect.

So with that being said, I wanna point out that white splitting (I'm not sure if that's the actual term but that's what we call it) can be just as dangerous as black splitting.

With white splitting, you don't see anything wrong in anything or anyone. This can lead you to go back to some very dangerous people, it can lead you to put yourself in danger, you're very likely to self sabotage, etc. In our experience (collectively as a system) when we're white splitting, our emotional permanence sucks a lot more and we tend to panic and get scared that we no longer love our partner. It gets harder to distinguish intrusive thoughts with reality, and we have to fight to remind ourself that that person we're thinking about, isn't attracted to us and we aren't attracted to them. It all comes down to fear of Abandonment and desperation for love. But when we come out of the white split, we freak out and get scared we're going to forget or stop loving our partner. This is only our experience with white splitting, but no matter what your experience is it can still be dangerous, please be careful and try to remind yourself that it's not real, this is not the reality and you're splitting.

-König 🥀

#bpd vent #bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd #bpd problems #borderline personality disorder #bpd favorite person #bpd facts #black and white #bpd splitting

[honeypleasejustkillme]

fuck bpd it makes me simultaneously forgive people instantly and also hold a grudge for the rest of my life at the same time

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #actually borderline #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd mood #bpd favorite person #bpd shitposting #bpd #it’s so fucking annoying because i should be upset and forgiving them isn’t gonna fix the fact i’m upset and they should take my emotions #into consideration

[maxthesillyy]

just a quick reminder that is still in fact a life is strange obsessed blog. we r just taking a quick detour to mommyclan

silly thing i did last night at 23 or so

#it says autism girl x adhd bpd girl btw #thats my current headcanons #i still cant get over the fact that i thought bpd was implied in that hc poll #THAT is what happens when im allowed tumblr at 1 am. #i need everybody to know that max’s shirt says final fantasy #eye effect max my beloved #and the little pin is the demiromantic flag #but i dont think max would do that just because i dont think she Cares #ive gone into this deal before so i wont rehash #but i just WANT to give her the little flag pins #i want to play dress up with ehr like a picrew #(joke) #lis #life is strange #max caulfield #chloe price #pricefield (platonic or romantic)

[stinkrascal]

sorry if this is weird to ask but do you know who has the screenshots?

here you go

#jade answers #anonymous #the doubling down is what really gets me #that anon should not have said those things to her of course but #the fact that she uses it as justification to continue hating ppl with cluster b disorders #the anon didn’t even say they have BPD?? girl you’re literally projecting your hatred of cluster b’s #onto this one single mean anon that DIDNT EVEN MENTION HAVING A CLUSTER B DISORDER #and saying ‘we proved your point’ girl what point? that you hate us and will project that hatred #any chance you get?? 😭😭 #please be honest with yourself!!