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#breakdown recovery
luke-o-lophus · 2 years
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Can't seem to stop deep diving into scenes from this episode so here goes another.
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LONG RAMBLING AHEAD, MENTION OF SELF INFLICTED VIOLENCE (NOTHING GRAPHIC) AND HEAVY EMOTIONS. PERSONAL NOTES ADDED. Any comments would be very, very much appreciated. ))
This was so difficult to watch. First, it's objectively disturbing/ heartbreaking. But the add-on is that this is MARC. Stoic, no-nonsense, poised Marc. Always confident and calculated movements - Marc. Seeing him get triggered so badly that his control absolutely crashes is a jarring (and very realistic) portrayal.
I see the trigger coming from two levels at the forefront. First the words "your fault" and the second, the person seemingly accusing him is STEVEN. Steven who's supposed to be his anchor and escape. That stress is too much.
I don't know if such reactions have a technical term, but I've had them. The body fills up with energy, your arms and legs have a surge of energy and desperation and you don't want to take that rage out on anything else. Not a conscious decision, almost an involuntary action. You slap and hit yourself, pull your hair, scratch or bite your skin, your own body seemingly out of your control. Until the energy surge disappears as suddenly as it came and you slump with barely any left to keep going.
I don't know what they're called, or why they're so much worse when the trigger comes from a person you trust. But they happen. And they're followed by extreme exhaustion, and if it happened in front of anyone before you could grab onto the last strands of your control....extreme embarrassment. EXTREME embarrassment. Doesn't help if said person looks scared of you, or ashamed of you, or keeps telling you to stop acting this way. Because you literally can't. Your body's not obeying you...rather...your brain's refusing to give any orders. It's on autopilot.
This is where in the episode, Steven comes in.
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I can't speak for everyone, but if anyone in front of you has a breakdown like this, Steven's approach might be a good way to deal with it. Take a step back, don't repeat what triggered them, drop the issue for now. Assuring, soothing, compassionate. No mention of how they just acted. Give them personal space. I understand how confusing this would be to someone who's never experienced it, but we can all try a bit harder, right?
Assure them, soothe them, don't question their actions. They're at an incredibly vulnerable state....and the fact that they even allowed themselves to be seen like that to you(even after they tried absolutehardest to stop it) might indicate they trust and care about you a lot.
Your friends and family recovering from abuse need your support, badly. Please be generous with it. It's the least we all can do.
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spideys-webs · 1 year
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Just had two mental breakdowns, one of which was caused by school finals😍
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bolgbay · 8 months
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Looking for the #24HourEmergencyCarRecovery Service in #Lordswood? Than contact A&R RECOVERY LLP. visit-
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carrecoverylondo · 1 year
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Car recovery London
About Us: FirstLine Recovery are the leading providers of vehicle recovery, maintenance and repair in London.
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Contact Us:
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vanrecoveryuk · 1 year
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Van Recovery London
About Us: FirstLine Recovery are the leading providers of vehicle recovery, maintenance and repair in London.
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Contact Us:
Phone: 020 3976 1066
Address: Unit 1 Blenheim Trade Centre, Longmead Industrial Park, London, Epsom KT19 9XX
Website: https://www.firstline-recovery.co.uk/
Business Email: [email protected]
Related Search: Van recovery London
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Firstlinerecoveryltd/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LtdFirstline
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@firstlinerecoveryltd
Business Hour: 24 Hours
Owner Name: Stepehen Fitzgerald
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breakdownrecouk · 1 year
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Breakdown Recovery London
About Us: FirstLine Recovery are the leading providers of vehicle recovery, maintenance and repair in London.
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Contact Us:
Phone: 020 3976 1066
Address: Unit 1 Blenheim Trade Centre, Longmead Industrial Park, London, Epsom KT19 9XX
Website: https://www.firstline-recovery.co.uk/
Business Email: [email protected]
Related Search: Breakdown recovery London
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Firstlinerecoveryltd/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LtdFirstline
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@firstlinerecoveryltd
Business Hour: 24 Hours
Owner Name: Stepehen Fitzgerald
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futureless · 2 years
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i be in my own head fighting for my life
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engbergkixpruitt · 2 years
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Rough-road Tires - Some sort of Beginner's Reference
Choosing the correct Off-Road Tires Looking to buy some new rough-road tires? Hold this right there. If you're just looking to pick up the biggest, many wicked-looking off-road four tires available, there are usually a few things should probably realize before you go about doing thus. The Truth regarding Off-Road Truck Auto tires Whether you're sand-racing, rock-crawling, mud-plowing, or perhaps whatever other all-terrain activities conceivable, is actually important to know precisely why you need a set of off-road truck wheels. A typical misconception using regard to off road tires is of which you need them for improved traction on rugged landscape, and naturally, the general consensus shows that larger tires equate to more traction. Although such an supposition is practical, it is definitely not entirely precise. True, the perfect off-road tires could provide some extra traction in off-road conditions, but presently there are better, better ways to improve traction than simply bulking in the rubber. If traction is usually your primary issue, trucks parts like a traction differential (locker) with stock 4x4 tires is even more beneficial for your machine than just adding a new set of tall, more aggressive off road tires. Or for that matter, a winch is most likely a smart thought before anything else. A locker or other 4x4-related truck parts could inspire excessive boldness, making you get caught in some genuine jams and then you'll wish that you prefered the winch instead. Typically the point is larger off-road tires will be meant to start with for the purpose associated with raising the height and even ground clearance of the rig to permit steeper ascent and descent in off-road terrain. Simply place, when driving over boulders, slogging by way of mud, coasting around the desert, and also making your method through the sporadic woodland trail, higher ground distance facilitates negotiating particular obstacles. To not downplay the traction element of off street tires, as some sort of set of soil terrain bias off-road tires will most definitely perform better inside the mud than a pair of all-season radials. Rather, improved traction much more of a second function that still bears importance, yet should never the singular consideration when it comes to acquiring truck tires, while there are a long way better truck components available for meeting that goal. Are you ready for taller all-terrain truck tires? Investing in a set of tall off-road tires with regard to your 4x4 is like making a marriage work; it involves sometimes extreme changes, sacrifices, in addition to commitment, together with regular care and maintenance. In the other hand, at least you won't have to keep in mind anniversaries. The initial thing to hold in mind is that upgrading to higher truck tires signifies upgrading a number of other pickup truck parts in the vehicle as well. Additional inches of vehicle clearance will be needed for the particular truck tires to fit without chaffing against the car fenders. Truck elements like a suspension system lift, body lift, or even a combination associated with both can offer these additional inches. Regarding off-road purposes, a suspension lift will be preferable for your rise in wheel journey ability, whereas some sort of body lift simply allows for typically the fiting of greater off-road tires without any off-road efficiency enhancements. Larger vehicle tires also imply that your automobile is going to be working more difficult to tote extra weight, which will outcome in significant tension to your axle assemblies and shocks, and also alters the particular gear ratio fixed by the maker. To pay for these kinds of changes, new band and pinion equipment and performance jolts (many complete elevate kits typically contain shocks) are firmly recommended. To deal with the additional excess weight and loss inside performance, custom intakes, exhausts, computer poker chips, or any other performance-enhancing truck parts are also advised. Prejudice Truck Tires vs . Radial Off-Road Wheels Any driver will tell you of which radial truck tires have innumerable positive aspects over bias layer truck tires. Within fact, the fatigue industry has almost completely abandoned developing bias truck wheels, save for a few exclusions. Yet even though prejudice truck tires arrive attached which has a number of disadvantages, they still have their very own advantages when that comes to off of road conditions. Typically the Case for Prejudice Off-Road Tires Tendency off-road tires give unmatched performance in extreme off-road situations, such as deep mud, jagged stones, and rough trails. The tread is designed to self-clean and release mud or foreign things much easier in order to assist in maintaining traction and typically the rubber compounds are softer to make better grip upon rough terrain. Moreover, the tire sidewalls are typically recognized to prevent destruction. On the downside, however, typically the ride and have on characteristics of tendency off-road tires about pavement are somewhat poor. High speed street driving is definitely an uncomfortable in addition to noisy endeavor, and a set of opinion ply truck four tires won't last significantly more than twenty to thirty 1, 000 miles. Even regarding off-road situations, while low air stress bias off road tires will deliver excellent performance, the center proceed will still take a beating. The truth for Radial Rough-road Tires Although Bias off-road tires great the extreme off-road enthusiast, this will be not to claim that radial off-road four tires aren't effective about harsh terrain. To the contrary, the latest great truck tires conduct quite well in off-road situations, and will be designed with flexibility in mind to produce better street handling characteristics, actually at high rates. While radial away road tires might not exactly provide the exact same traction or functionality being a set regarding low air pressure bias off-road tires, their longevity, dealing with, and smooth journey on paved roads makes up for it. Tires are perfect the end of the week off-road enthusiasts who else see a lot regarding driving time upon paved roads. Dimensions Tire sizing can be a tricky thing, mostly because the dimensions of off-road auto tires you have in mind depends upon a new number of factors. The obvious question is usually first whether your current vehicle is in a position of handling the size of off-road tires that you want, in case certainly not, what modifications conduct you need in order to make to ensure that typically the off-road tires to be able to fit? Unfortunately, at this time there aren't any general, all-authoritative guides open to simplify the process, since customization and even modification is vehicle-specific. The best choice for getting a better thought of your vehicle's specs is to get in touch with the maker. This will certainly give you the general sense with regard to what your vehicle is capable of so that you will no longer exceed its limitations, or which you have typically the right parts mounted in case you do. Regarding picking the right lift kit, accessories, in addition to knowing what modifications to be able to make, factory assistance manuals, off-road publications, internet forums, manufacturer's guides, and also a number of other sources are available to assist you. Deciding on the best Type of Auto tires Before plunging headfirst into the sea associated with off road truck tires and coming out there with the meanest, most intimidating creatures you can get, you have to be able to no less than know precisely what type of monsters will best go well with your off highway needs. First of all, an individual need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Just what type of off-road activities will you be doing the particular most? How very much on-road and 4x4 driving would you like to carry out? What qualities inside of particular are an individual most concerned with -- durability, overall performance, traction, appearance, or ride quality? Precisely how much are a person willing to invest? Taking some period to consider these essential questions can help to thin down what variety of off-road four tires are best intended for you. All Time of year Auto tires
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All time truck tires usually have no company going off-road, as their composition plus tread designs are not built to take care of beatings from 4x4 conditions. They carry out, however, provide long-lasting tread that does a great job on wet or dry paved roads plus offers tremendous long life. Find more information come equipped using all season wheels. For vehicle enthusiasts adding larger pickup truck tires only for present, all-season truck wheels are likely the most efficient way to be able to go. Granted, a person won't get that will aggressive look that is quite popular while of late, although that may become a small cost to pay for truck tires that will last an individual tens of thousands of miles more than more intense truck tires. Most Terrain Off-Road Four tires Versatility is the name of the particular game when this comes to almost all terrain off highway tires, which generally makes them a jack of all investments but an expert of none. While a result, an extensive range of all terrain truck added wheels are available, based about whether a tire's focus is upon or off street performance. Typically, all terrain truck tires are built with 4x4 standards in head and then will be modified in particular areas to boost street performance. Typically the end result is truck tires that can handle every day driving, along with certain light to modest off-road conditions. For the most extreme off-road performance, most terrains won't execute as well as specialized off-road wheels, but on typically the road, they present peerless longevity, even wear, and excellent durability. Extreme (Rock Crawling/Mud Terrain/Sand/Deep Snow) Truck Tires Created for extreme off-road conditions and very little else, rock crawling and mud landscape truck tires employ aggressive tread styles that extend for the sidewalls, giant lugs with deep voids, and reinforced sidewall construction to make tires that can grip any surface and remain tough in the procedure. Extreme terrain off road tires usually carry most of the identical features, and consequently several mud terrain wheels make excellent rock and roll crawling tires, plus vice versa. Intense terrain off street tires come inside either radial or even bias ply, nevertheless do their work best lawn mowers of a reduced air pressure tendency ply, that allows typically the tread to evolve to surfaces intended for increased traction. But despite that great terrain off road tires consist associated with durable, cut and even puncture resistant ingredients, they usually never produce very much mileage when influenced on the street, particularly in high speeds. Inside addition, due to the untamed tread designs in addition to huge lugs, intense terrain tires can cause a bumpy drive and are pretty noisy on the particular road. Need More Help? Getting fresh off-road tires could be a sophisticated process if you don't learn how to proceed about doing as a result. It is recommended that a person do some researching and take benefits of the a lot of available resources before making a purchase. Yet in the long run, if a person still have uncertainties, by far the best way to determine the correct off-road tires and modifications to your motor vehicle is to seek advice from an experienced and knowledgeable person who has an automobile similar to the one you have, and has customized it in the same way to just what you want to be able to do. Not simply can such a particular person suggest the proper products, but likewise likely has expertise with installation and even general drivability.
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johnstonianjansen · 2 years
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Simply how much Should You Increase Tires?
Do you find yourself uncertain of how much to be able to fill your vehicle's tires? Rest guaranteed, you are throughout good company. Precisely what is tire pressure and what makes it essential? Short and, this is the sum of air, scored in pounds each square inch (PSI) that fills a new vehicle's tires. Typically the right amount regarding pressure in vehicle tires is essential for safety. Tires are usually a key security factor in most vehicles, second inside importance only to be able to car's brakes. Proper tire pressure manages stability, braking and the capacity to be able to take corners safely - all essential areas of driving safety. Moreover, correct atmosphere pressure affects comfort and ease while driving, typically the lifespan of the tire, in addition to fuel economy. When the particular pressure is too high, less area area on typically the tire touches the ground along with the auto may bounce upon the road. This kind of impacts traction and even the ability to stop quickly. All of that moving also makes the ride more uncomfortable. On the other side of the range, when tire pressure is too very low, more of the tire's surface area area touches the ground than necessary. This generates friction and can cause tire to use much earlier than regular. They may likewise overheat. The the worst thing would be with over and even under-inflated tires is usually tread separation. That is when typically the tire tread sets apart from the tire's casing or physique. Though this is usually most common with large cargo pickup trucks, it can transpire with standard vehicles as well and usually leads to accidents. Filling vehicle's tires to the recommended pressure and checking out them monthly is usually important. The recommended pressure is defined simply by the car's maker and takes into account safety, comfort, and even wear and split on the four tires. "Experts agree of which keeping the proper air pressure in your tires is as important because giving your powerplant a tune-up. Inside fact, the monetary benefits can be perhaps greater. With the right amount of atmosphere pressure, your wheels wear longer, help save fuel, enhance dealing with, and prevent accidents. " - Low cost Tire
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Find and seek Finding the recommended pressure intended for your vehicle may feel like a casino game of hide and even seek. When looking to be able to check and complete their tires, a lot of people locate the range on the sidewall regarding their vehicle's tire quite quickly. On the other hand, that figure will be the maximum PSI, not the suggested inflation amount. The utmost PSI is the particular very maximum volume of air a new car's tire may hold. That will be not necessarily what is best with regard to your car's wheels, or your car. Recommended PSI Car companies establish the advised PSI for vehicle's tires. The recommended inflation amount is usually determined by the burden the vehicle will be meant to hold in addition to the tire dimension. Unfortunately, no intercontinental organization oversees the particular standardization of car tires. With no mandated or regulating requirements in this specific area, it has fallen on the shoulders with the world's largest tire companies to set criteria voluntarily. All motor vehicle and tire manufacturers use these numbers. The recommended car tire inflation pressure for many vehicles is thirty two psi to thirty-five psi when cold, which means the car hasn't been powered in a several hours. Filling your current auto tires When completing your tires, remember that the recommended PSI for the vehicle is very most likely lower than typically the maximum pressure shown on your tire. Great site of your automobile is the best place in order to look for the particular recommended PSI for the car's tires. If it isn't in typically the owner's manual, take a look at for the tire placard within the glove compartment door, inside of of the gas door, or upon the inside associated with the driver's front door. Be sure you use the accurate and good quality pressure determine. Or, make it a habit to check your tyre pressure each period you complete with regard to gas. Keeping your current tires filled with typically the right amount associated with air would be the really last thing on the priority list in the midst of a busy schedule, but correct tire inflation guarantees more time tire life, reduced fuel consumption, a new safer drive, and even even keeps tires out of typically the landfills which assists the surroundings.
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joliealexaposts · 2 years
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Are you seeking for best Home Starts/Jump Starts in North Acton? Contact Kangaroo Breakdown Recovery for more info.      
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teddyworrell · 2 years
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Speedy Recovery provide a 24 hour breakdown recovery, accident recovery and vehicle recovery service for Perivale, Sudbury, Alperton and throughout Middlesex
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lazykebabvagina · 5 months
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Haven't updated in a while but I've been clean from self harm for over a month. I'm pretty proud of myself tbh
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palaeosinensis · 3 months
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echoingalaxies · 4 months
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A Whumpee who never smiles, never laughs, never shows happiness in those typical ways. When it finally does happen, everybody around them knows something is terribly wrong, and that the hysterical laughter is not from a place of joy, but because of the endless pain and horrors that have brought Whumpee to this extreme state of exhaustion and despair.
Whumpee's breaking down right in front of their friends' eyes, nearly unable to breathe through the fits of laughter because crying is no longer enough, and it's terrifying.
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oddsconvert · 9 months
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Shattered #9 - It's Cruel To be Kind
Previous / Masterlist / Next
Apologies for the wait!!! 🥺❤️
CW: Whumpee thinks Caretaker is new master/whumper, vampire caretaker, bloodbag whumpee, reference to vampire whumper/previous abuse/captivity, bloodbag whumpee, recovery whump, aftermath of nightmare, emotional breakdown/self doubt (August going through it!!!) [Pls lemme know if I missed any! 🫶]
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The wind is swept from August’s sails. It feels as though he’s adrift in the open ocean. Lost at sea with no waves or wind to carry him to shore. A storm rages overhead, lightning splitting through the pitch-black sky, dark clouds rolling in. There’s an island on the horizon, a glimmer of hope. It calls August - it beckons him. And he tries with all his might to paddle there, waiting for the gust of gaia’s wind to propel him towards salvation.
It never comes. The ferocious ocean waves sway August further away. Totally stranded and utterly helpless. 
August skulks out of Declan’s bedroom in bruised defeat. The desperate screams for mercy and freedom fade until they’re nothing but a distant echo, swallowed up by the silence of the house. This isn’t working. This isn’t fair. They’re getting nowhere. The road they are paving for the human’s recovery is nothing more than them blindly stumbling in the dark and feeling their way around, and it’s to Declan’s detriment. At his expense. Torturing the already tortured soul. 
It’s cruel, August thinks. He took an oath when he devoted his life to medicine; he swore to alleviate pain and suffering, to do no harm, and uphold ethical practices. This cannot be ethical. Surely. What he’s doing feels downright criminal and inhumane. Is it worth the healing of Declan’s body only to terrorise his mind? Leaving him in perpetual anguish and dazing confusion day in and day out. Keeping him hidden and isolated far away from his loved ones.
August slides his back down the wall, head buried in his hands. He can still hear Declan’s shrill cries ringing in his ears, piercing through his heart. Honestly? He always hears them. Day and night. Since that first day Declan woke up and nearly burst his eardrums with his terrified screams. August’s conscience won’t let him forget them, it’s harrowing.
Because Declan is scared half to death of August. The screams are because of him. 
Home might just be the best medicine for Declan. That is the true cure August is searching for. Declan may not be held here with ropes and chains or kept under the lull of persuasion; but he is wholly and unwillingly dependent on August for his survival. Declan has no choice now but to rely on the vampire for his entire humanity -  he’s too weak to fend for himself, let alone chase his own heart's desire. He is reliant on the vampire for his nourishment, for his health, safety and protection and even his communication. His whole way of life. The only way Declan can exercise his own free will, is if August helps him to.
And well…Declan keeps asking for home. Who is August to deny him that?
“He’s going to try some sleep again,” Lucas whispers across the hallway, careful to slowly and gently pull the bedroom door to. No loud or sudden noises. They’ve learned that the hard way. “I’ve promised him we’ll leave him to it for tonight. He just needs space to breathe.”
And then what? Declan jolts awake an hour later in floods of tears and hiccuping sobs again? Do they ignore it this time? Leave him be and let him cry it out? Or send Lucas back in…he likes Lucas. August knows he shouldn’t be, but he’s so envious of that. He’d never harm a hair on Declan’s head, he’s fought tooth and nail to save him. Why must he be branded the bad guy?
August knows the answer. That doesn’t make it any easier.
“I have never seen fear like that in my life,” Lucas slumps beside August on the floor, a far-away look on his face like he’s just seen a ghost. He stares blankly, dead ahead, at the floral wallpaper across from him, and shakes his head in disbelief, “What the hell do you put a man through to make him scream in his sleep?”
Hell. Exactly that. That’s what you put him through. You turn him into a zombie, living dead. A body forced to live when its mind is melted to a puddle. You send him to tango with death and live to tell the tale. Hurt him until he can’t feel it, and even then still hurt him some more. It’s impossible to comprehend the horrors Declan suffered, or fathom why or how someone could do that to another living, breathing being. But it happened, and August can’t change that no matter how hard he tries. 
“Lucas? Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”
It’s a question that’s been rattling inside August’s skull for a while now. Guilt and sympathy fighting each other to the death. He only ever wanted to help Declan back on his feet, bring him completely back to himself and, help deliver him home all in one piece. August could never live with himself if Declan went home to his family,  lifeless and comatose. They may as well have sent him with his casket too. And he can’t send him back as he is now; the tattered man weeping himself into another dread-fueled nightmare.
Or can he? Should he?
“Without a doubt in my mind,” Lucas asserts, certain as can be. He says it with his entire chest, and he seems almost offended by the question. He straightens himself from his slouched slump on the floor, sitting up against the wall and crossing his legs underneath him, “What makes you ask that?”
August opens his mouth, but no words come out. His jaw clicks shut before he can even dare try. If he says it, it makes it all real, doesn’t it? Every worry springs into existence, everything he’s frightened of is brought to life. August will have to face all his mistakes and misdeeds, every foolish mis-step he’s taken in Declan’s care. But he has to own up to it sooner or later. Face the music. So he can do what’s right by Declan.
“I fear…  I fear we’re doing more harm than good to the boy.”
“August-”
“W-What if I’m getting this all wrong?” August falters, his voice thick with shameful, threatening tears. As Lucas shuffles closer to console him, August crumbles even more into the floor and wishes the ground would swallow him whole. “What - What if we’re hurting him, and sure maybe not hurting him like that vile monster who stole him but... in a different way?”
Declan still thinks and feels like a prisoner. He was trapped in Vince’s basement, and then he was trapped in his mind, his body and now trapped all over again. This time as August’s patient, stuck helpless in bed. 
But Lucas shakes his head passionately, giving a reaffirming squeeze to August’s knee. Lucas is too good to August, too kind and forgiving. It’s more than he could ever deserve in this life or the next. But right now his words of encouragement fall on deaf ears, August needs to be told how it is. And it's plain as day that his presence is damaging Declan, not helping him. Declan is still suffering. He’s supposed to be free and thriving, and he’s still hurting.
“Were it not for you, Declan would have taken his last pained breath that first night you brought him home. Even worse, he could have died a broken shell of a man in that basement, alone and suffering. You revived him. You gave him a second life.”
It doesn’t feel like it. What kind of life is jumping at shadows and cowering behind blankets? Terrified of what’s around the corner. A thousand words trapped in his mind that he could never say.
“I bought him. Like livestock…he thinks he’s my property-”
It’s time to call it a day, and let him give up the fight and lay down his sword.
“He’s just scared, August. He’s so scared, and all alone and horribly confused. He’s been through hell and back. It’s not you.”
“It is me, Lucas,” August disagrees,  “It’s what I am.”
A blood-sucking monster that stalks the night looking for its next prey to feed from and drain dry. August has spent his whole life trying to break free from that mould, to run far away from what he’s supposed to be and never look back. Somehow Declan sees right through him, right down to his core. He sees what August refuses and tries to hide from. His own blood, his very nature.
“How could he ever heal at the hands of something he fears the most?” August asks, disgusted with himself. He should rip out his fangs and run outside to bathe in the sun’s agonising rays. It sickens him that he is associated with the brute that did this to Declan. That August’s kind hunt and kill humans for food… for sport. Who could blame Declan for being scared of vampires. August is scared of vampires.
“He deserves better-”
“-Declan deserves you,”  Lucas’ tone was clipped, as if his word was final and there was no possible room for discussion. But August had known him so long, he could hear the affection underneath the terse words. “You are the best thing that could have ever happened to him. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Lucas once looked at him the same way Declan looks at him now. With nothing but fear and disdain in his eyes. Backed into the corner like a scared small animal.  August remembers the way he felt when they both locked eyes for the first time, terror meeting terror; it felt like he wasn’t worthy of breathing the same oxygen. That he was a monster, and should whittle the stake himself and hand it to Lucas with an apologetic bow. 
Has August always mistook help for harm?  He must be doomed to repeat the same cycle of pain. Maybe it’s just in his cold-blood. His vile, worthless blood. Vampires hurt humans. That's how the story goes. There’s nothing he can do to escape that fate.
“My friend,” August chokes up, grabbing Lucas’ hands to squeeze in his own, and stroking his thumb over his wrists.  “I wronged you. I hurt you. Just like I’m hurting Declan now.”
A thousand apologies could never make up for what he’s done, the hurt he inflicted. Years down the line the shame and regret still plagues him, festers inside him deep down. Over and over he’s told he’s forgiven, more times than there are drops in the ocean. Again, it doesn’t change the fact it happened.
“You saved me,” Lucas gasps in awe, astounded by August’s confession. Something they’d both long agreed was water under the bridge. “ Just like you’re saving Declan. Would you have given up on me?”
“Never.”
“Then why give up on him? When he needs you more than I ever did?”
A fire lights inside of August, determination burns within him. This isn’t throwing in the towel, this is him fighting. Doing what’s right, even if it feels wrong. If it means letting go-
“I’m not giving up on him. I would never give up on him. I want to do what’s best by him.”
“I trust you, August. And I think if you just hold in there, Declan will learn to trust you too. It just needs time.”
Time does heal all wounds, as they say. And maybe Lucas is right. Maybe if they just play the waiting game, Declan could make it through to the other side, unharmed and unafraid. Yet August knows that these aren’t fresh wounds - not anymore - they’ve turned to ugly, withered scars. A permanent mark on the boy’s mind, body and soul. There’s no curing that. But could Declan learn to live with that?
“Tell yourself what you tell him. He’s not a captive. We’re going to take him home, yes?” Lucas quirks an interrogative brow, and August nods miserably in response. Declan is starting to feel like a captive against all intent and promises. “I think if we drop him off in human territory now - lame and pain-riddled, scared of everything that moves - that is what would be cruel. Us looking after him and building him back up for a little bit longer; that’s the mercy he’s begging for. Even if he doesn’t realise that right now.”
“How do I know which path to take?” August whispers with a wince, like the daunting thought threatens to implode inside his mind.
“Humans know so little of vampire persuasion, how it affects the brain and body. He could be stuck like this forever. His family will get half their son back at best. Who knows if his state will deteriorate? If he’ll ever walk or talk again. We can help him, August. You know that we can help him feel human again.”
“I don’t want to cause him any more unnecessary pain,” August laments, “He’s been through enough.”
August was never under any illusion this would be easy. He was prepared to weather the storm from the second he first laid eyes on Declan. Down in that basement; knelt and bound, small and fragile, unreachable and lifeless - drowning in Vince's power. August can help Declan, he’s got him this far already, he’s nearly out of the woods. They could do it, this could work. But at what cost? 
“Whatever you decide, I’m with you,” Lucas promises, “Wherever you go, I’ll follow. Always…”
August had saved Lucas before, hadn't he? Perhaps there is still hope. Perhaps he can still save Declan.
---
Thank you to @darkthingshappen for beta-ing this chapter!!!!
Next update will drop on Monday! (7/8) 🫶 Time for a lil flashback to how August and Lucas met... 🤫
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