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whatsonmedia · 4 months

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In Conversation With - Chew Magna

Meet Laurie and Co, four lads who together make Chew Magna, an indie quartet from Manchester who have gradually been building up both momentum as well as a fan base following. Like so many other bands out there, they have had their ups and downs and the road ahead to rock bliss certainly presented them with its challenges. Interestingly taking their name directly from a map they look forward to bringing both their music, and self-titled album to a venue near you. "It’s quite an interesting record in terms of the variety of styles, its primarily indie rock with pronounced influences of style" How did you guys first get together? We knew each other from previous bands / the Manchester music scene in the 00s and early 10s. Our previous bands played together and we would see each other at bigger shows etc In the time you've been together as a band how has the journey been so far? We are the classic Covid casualty band. We've known each other around the Manchester scene for years and years - we were all on the same label at one point (Red Deer Club) but in separate bands - and we finally got in a room to jam. We'd built up a decent rep as a live outfit and stuck out an EP in 2019, which we recorded as live at The White Hotel in Salford. Great venue and a place that suited our live sound. We'd all but got an album recorded and mixed when the first lockdown hit. We looked to keep the energy alive through the forced shut down by sharing clips of ideas and working on them independently. We've still got a big library of work ready to work on but we knew we had to get this debut album out before moving on. As with everything this side of the pandemic, it's taken longer than we hoped to get this collection of songs out in to the world. We can't wait for people to hear it. What music where you listening to in your earlier years? We all loved guitar music as kids/teens and we were in high school during the Kerrang TV/minidisc era, so I guess it was standard stuff like Nirvana, Greenday, Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins, Foo Fighters, Radiohead as well as nu metal, garage rock revival and landfill indie stuff that was massive in those years too. Which musical influences do you use for the bands? 80s/90s alt is our touch point - everything from Fugazi, Husker Du and Minute Men, to Pavement, MBV and Dinosaur Jr. Chew Magna, what's the story behind the band's name? Laurie saw it on a map and thought it sounded like a gnarly 90s influenced indie rock band! Describe the band in 5 words Loud energetic motoric alt rock Now, you're releasing your self-titled album, what can you tell us about it? It’s quite an interesting record in terms of the variety of styles, its primarily indie rock with pronounced influences of kraut rock, post hardcore, shoegaze and punk. It’s also probably 75% instrumental – we were really influenced by two records: Open Your Heart by The Men and You’re Living All Over Me by Dinosaur Jr – they’re both records with long instrumental passages; the vocals come and go rather than always being the main focus of the songs. How long did it take you to put it all together? The album came together quickly. We wrote the main chunk over a few months and lobbed in a couple of newer songs during the recording / mixing process. The writing and recording were the easy bit! The pandemic was the real challenge. So, depending on how the vinyl format goes could it resume release on that format? We always wanted out record on vinyl. In a digital world there is still a joy to having something tangible. Something we can hold in our hands as proof of the work. We're very grateful to have had the support to print up the run we have so we'll see how it goes! And will you be touring this with this record? We’d love to play in Chew Magna village again! Where can people check out your music? Our album will be on all good streamers - along with our debut White Hotel EP Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3lQVdEMIlFX2JhcYFAelCr?si=e35dfa19a5d34741 You can preorder / buy the vinyl here: https://straycatrecords.bigcartel.com/ Read the full article

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therandomavenger · 6 months

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Confessions of a Control Freak

It’s amazing how you think you have yourself figured out, but then something will happen that makes you understand you had everything wrong. You didn’t know yourself, and that’s a little bit scary, but it can also fuel your own sense of wonder. If you maintain the capacity to surprise yourself, your life will never be boring.

I had myself pegged and an easy-going free spirit. A real ‘go-with-the-flow’ type of person. It was how I was raised. My family wasn’t big on planning, and things just seemed to kind of happen, without any guidance except, perhaps, THE LORD’S. As an adult, I realized how hard my parents were working to keep the whole operation going, but even they would admit they’re no big planners.

I also grew up an incredibly anxious kid. That may seem irrelevant, but it’s not.

Somehow, I got through college, moved to California, then earned my teaching credential. I made a plan for myself, and I stuck to it. I got married, adopted two children, the whole shebang.

Now, my wife was a person with a plan. I teased her that she was a control freak, to which she good-naturedly agreed. It’s because of her we bought a house, adopted the aforementioned children, and developed our careers. If I felt a little bit of unease about all of this, well … I didn’t have any better ideas, did I? The anxiety that had followed me like a rain cloud as a child got progressively worse.

I had ideas of my own. There were things I wanted to do. I had this urge to make plans for myself, but of course, other people’s plans would definitely be better, especially my wife’s. She was much smarter than me, after all (this remains objectively true).

Fast forward oh, say fifteen years. My teaching career implodes. I am diagnosed first with ADHD, then with bipolar disorder. I devoted myself to taking care of my children and working at the library. I wrote occasionally. I felt like my life had spun out of control. I would spend the day cleaning house, then watching it get messed up again, with no one else in the house willing to life a finger. I attempted to exert control over my time, but every time I did some emergency would arise, and I would have to abandon those plans. I didn’t feel like I had permission to accomplish things for myself, my writing eventually fell entirely by the wayside. It wasn’t a good use of my time, my wife said, and I believed her. (In her defense, I hadn’t learned to finish things yet, so of course it looked like I was constantly spinning my wheels to no effect and there were legitimate other things that needed to get done. I don’t blame her for saying this. She was drowning too, in her own way.)

In short, everything was chaos, and I had no plan to make any of it better. Another five years passes. My kids grow up. I am miserable, and so is my wife. Things I had denied for my entire life could be denied no more. We have a silly fight, and I realize that I am just done. The marriage ends. My wife and kids move out. I spend a couple of months feeling both relieved and bereft. Around the end of June 2019, I realize that my life is not over, that I can come up with some sort of plan for what to do next, and no one can say anything about what it was. So, I make a plan.

I start writing again. I study plot structure and learn a method of advance plotting that works for me. Over the course of the next year, I finish a giant novel. I spend about two hours writing every day, doing it mostly at the library because there’s no good space for it in my house. That first book leads to a second, then a third. My days are my own to structure how I see fit. I feel actual peace for the first time in my life.

Then Covid hits and working in the library is not an option. So, I use my stimulus check to redo my house, and turn my son’s unused bedroom into an actual office for myself. Now, I have control over my environment, which is something that I’d never done before. I keep my house clean regularly something that had once seemed impossible. I even remember to take my dogs to the vet for their shots.

I keep writing, finishing two more novels. I decide to scrap the first novel I wrote, but I publish the second, and then two more in the series later that year. (I send my now ex-wife a passive aggressive photo of my print copies with the passive-aggressive caption ‘Oh Look! I finally finished something!’ She congratulates me.)

On the one hand, this all looks like I needed to get rid of my wife and kids in order to accomplish things. But that’s not it. I needed to realize that I needed control of my life, and I needed to be grown-up enough to take that control. If, at any time, I had gone to my ex-wife with an actual plan that made sense and would make sure all the needs were being met (including mine), she would have been thrilled. She might have thrown a party, because what I was doing, in not taking control, was putting the weight of all of the planning on her. I thought, because I was doing the physical work, that was enough, but the mental weight was a burden as well, and I was not carrying my part of it.

Upon doing this, the anxiety that had plagued me all my life just … vanished. It comes back in odd moments, directed at something specific, but that general sense of unease that followed me everywhere had been gone for years. And I realize now, that I was not, all those years, an easy-going free spirit. I Might have been ‘going with the flow,’ but I hated it. I needed to be in charge of the flow. And once I took charge, my entire life made sense in a way it never had before.

In short, I am a control freak. I thought I was Chandler, but I’m actually Monica.

It was a couple of weeks ago that I had this revelation. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner, and I shared this with him, and he just kind of laughed and said, ‘I’m making my surprised face right now. Can’t you tell?’ And then, ‘You’re the only person I know who makes a detailed schedule for himself then sends it to everybody, so they know what to expect.’

I was like, ‘oh.’ That is not the act of an easy-going free spirit, is it?”

I talked about this therapy, and shared how I had come to this determination, and my therapist covered her mouth with her hands and said ‘Wait? You didn’t know this?!’

So apparently, I am coming late to this revelation. And also, I’m the last to know, which is typical.

But honestly, I have decided not to be ashamed of it. I’ve decided to lean into it. Because, actually, the people in my life, including my parents and kids, aren’t big planners. Someone needs to have a plan, and apparently that’s me. My boyfriend says he doesn’t mind, and that it’s nice to have direction sometimes (which I am more than happy to provide, obviously).

I’m not an asshole. I really don’t have the desire to control other people. Also, in making my plans, I try to consult with others and make sure everyone’s needs are met. I can also be flexible. If my plans need to change, that’s fine. I can bend with circumstances. It’s just that I need to be in control of how I do that. If you want my help with something, you’re better off giving me a desired objective, and then my planner-self will kick in and we can get it done.

Okay , actually, the other night we were playing unstable unicorns, and I was instructing Jimmy (my boyfriend) about how he needed to arrange his cards so we could all tell his active cards from his stable and he gives me this look and I was like, ‘Oh shit. I’m doing it aren’t it?’ And I think I’ve been doing this all along.

But I have a sense of peace about it. If I’m trying to take over, I’m okay if you tell me. I might even back off. But being honest about this with myself had been very therapeutic. I probably would have realized this much earlier if I had not spent most of my adult life in proximity to a control freak with a more dominant personality.

So, yeah. I am a control freak. Anyone who’s ever seen my whiteboard with my book outlines probably already realized this. My adhd makes me a chaos goblin, but that doesn’t change this basic fact.

So, pray for Jimmy. He’s cool with it so far, but … you know, it’s a lot.

#mental health #adhd #blog post

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socialwicked · 2 years

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Put ‘Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power’ in Theaters, Dammit

The Monitor is a weekly column devoted to almost everything happening in the WIRED world of lifestyle, from films to memes, Television to Twitter.

Before this week, cinephiles received a deal with: The writer behind Nicole Kidman’s now-legendary AMC ad , which has been taking part in ahead of screenings at the theater chain for months, revealed that it’s getting a sequel. As word of the comply with-up unfold, there was no indicator no matter if it would have a line as legendary as “somehow, heartbreak feels superior in a location like this,” but Billy Ray, who penned it, reported the following installment was “ now published .” For people who have come to foresee the clip ahead of their movies, information of its sequel was an impetus to return to the multiplex after a lot more.

There have, of class, been a large amount of modern attempts to get men and women back in theaters. Moviegoing has taken a big strike for the duration of the Covid-19 pandemic, and while blockbusters like Spider-Man: No Way House and Major Gun: Maverick have demonstrated there is however an appetite for huge-monitor experiences, the upcoming of movie theaters is the subject matter of significantly hand-wringing. In truth, this Saturday, several film chains—including AMC—are presenting $3 tickets to celebrate Nationwide Cinema Day . The shift, in accordance to Cinema Basis president Jackie Brenneman, is to provide a “thank you” to film-fans who came back again to theaters this summer and “an excess enticement for those people who have not created it back again but.”

This will no doubt carry a couple folks out to the motion pictures. But, if I might, I have a further recommendation: Place The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Ability in theaters.

I know, I know. This is very unlikely. Apart from its Oscar contenders, Amazon, which is releasing The Rings of Power on Key Online video this 7 days, doesn’t normally send out its content to theaters. Also, Rings of Power is a Television exhibit, not a movie, so its structure isn’t accurately conducive to the cinema encounter.

Nevertheless , if there’s 1 point that is turn out to be apparent from the early episodes of Rings of Power , and their important reception, it is that they are gorgeous and sweeping in scale, the sort of issue one would want to see on the biggest display screen achievable, like Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies. The Rings of Electrical power is the most high priced sequence in Television set history—a enthusiasm project of Tolkien-head Jeff Bezos. And, as Kathryn VanArendonk observed in her review for New York Magazine , it was manufactured to be watched in theaters. “Funneling this quite a few methods into visible outcomes is appreciated, definitely,” she wrote, “yet it would seem like a little bit of a shame for a sequence that several viewers will check out on palm-measurement screens.”

Amazon appears conscious of this. Although the minute has occur and absent, the business did keep a compact sequence of launch events in towns across the globe, giving enthusiasts the chance to see the 1st two episodes of Rings in theaters. Understandably, Amazon used tens of millions of bucks on the display as a way to get persons to subscribe to Primary, not get their butts into cinema seats. And yet, a theatrical run could drum up interest for the show and potentially get a lot more people in theaters.

This feels like a pipe aspiration at finest. But immediately after streaming solutions gave individuals entry to motion pictures and Tv exhibits through Covid lockdowns, there hasn’t been a course correction. Probably supplying people today a reason to hit the box office to see a person of the major Tv set demonstrates of the year—if not the most important Television set demonstrate of the year—is just the matter. If not, probably another person could persuade Warner Bros. Discovery to do it with House of the Dragon ? The firm could use some goodwill .

https://socialwicked.com/put-lord-of-the-rings-the-rings-of-power-in-theaters-dammit/

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amosykes · 2 years

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apparently the last personal post i wrote in this tag was 4 years ago and because i'm sure i hit the bottom of the barrel i'm just gonna add into it to keep the tradition going of me documenting my life for already 10 years on here lol

Reading back in this tag, I notice I've been struggling with my mental health for as long as I can remember. I genuinely spent 10 years of my life already battling depression and anxiety. This year I got diagnosed with autism and ADD, which I'm sure are the reason I've felt like this my entire life. I'm also like 99% certain I have borderline personality disorder which would REALLY be the answer to all the problems I've ever had in my life.

My last post in this tag was 4 years ago and reading back I can just feel how hopeless everything felt back then. I went to college for the first time and it went to shit because I fell into the worst depression ever at that point in my life. I can tell you I genuinely believed my life was getting better in 2019, but covid fucked over all of my emotional progress and I was left with nothing.

I'm now 22, it's my summer break and I'm supposed to start yet another study this month. Thing is I'm so incredibly depressed that I don't even know if I want to keep trying to make something of my life anymore. I've already failed two studies, so what makes me think I won't fail this one too? How can I handle a study when I'm this depressed? I'm so depressed I'm physically in pain. I just feel the sadness in my bones, in my entire body and I don't know what I can do anymore to fix it. Each year gets worse. I lost my childhood cat this year, and this summer break I unexpectedly lost the one thing that never failed to make me happy. I'm so utterly broken, I just can't put in the effort anymore to go on. My entire life I've always had suicidal thoughts but they were brief and I never had the intention to act on it, but it's a different kind of scary when you genuinely know you have the power, motivation and intention to end your own life.

I was supposed to be 1 year self-harm free this August 5th, for the past 5 to 7 years I've never hit the 1 year milestone. Especially this year I wanted to hit the 1 year mark. I just needed to do it for myself, I needed to prove myself I don't need to hurt myself to get through especially the loss of my childhood cat. I didn't self harm after she died and I was so proud of myself and I genuinely thought I was gonna make it to the 1 year mark and I didn't, only a couple of days before I was supposed to be 1 year clean. No one knew about this and I just wanted to do it for MYSELF and I still managed to screw it up.

My life is going downhill so fast I don't even know what to do about it anymore. There's so many things I need to get through and process and I don't think I have the energy and motivation to do that. I don't want to think about next month because that means 31 more days of feeling so much emptiness and pain I can't do that. I'm in so much pain, I just want to feel peace. I'm tired of calling the suicide prevention hotline. I'm tired of going every bad thing imaginable. I just don't care about this life anymore. I feel like such an immense burden to my friends and family because things have been like shit for years and no matter what I do, there's no progress in getting better. This is by far the lowest point I've ever hit in my life and I don't want to go through it another day.

I miss the fuzzy warm feeling of something nice happening in my life. I miss the buzz I get from attending a show from a band I adore. I miss feeling wanted, special. I miss feeling necessary, needed, being missed. I miss walking home in the dead of the night after having drinks with my friends. I miss having a genuine laugh. I miss feeling happy. There's so much nothingness in my chest. I'm in so much pain. I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve this much hurt. I miss living. I miss it all. I'm completely and utterly broken. This mental suffering is unbearable. I'm rotten.

I wonder what would happen if I genuinely end my life. Would it come as a surprise, or was it expected? Last time I called the suicide prevention hotline I expressed my feelings about not wanting to tell my friends how I'm feeling because I'm scared I won't be taken seriously after all these years battling depression. They asked me if I would have wanted to know if a friend was dealing with suicidal thoughts and ofcourse I would. I just think everyone is tired of me and my problems. I don't think people bat an eye if I express my suicidal thoughts.

For me, giving up was never an option but it has been on my mind the last few weeks. I started to stop thinking about it as giving up, rather as moving on. We'll see.

#personal #i'm so fucking broken lol #whatever we move

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ronoken · 3 years

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So, who wants a publishing story?

No one?

…Tough.

To preface, this was prompted by a post I saw about always making sure you read a contract before signing it. I wholeheartedly agree.

So, I write books. A roundabout result of writing books is I occasionally get to speak at conventions. When I do speak at conventions (which hasn’t been for a year. Thanks, covid), a standard question I get asked is about the benefits of self-publishing versus getting a contract. And yes, I fully realize that everyone’s experience in this is different, and I get that. Here’s mine.

So, several years ago, I wrote a book. I put a solid year into it and did numerous rewrites, edits, etc. with three wonderful editors and boom. Book. Done. And then, like many who are impatient or who don’t want to run the risk of rejection, I self-published my first novel.

And to my great shock, I actually sold some copies.

Quick aside. I’m not famous. At. Fucking. All. Some is not millions. Some is several thousand at best. And that’s over YEARS. I am not widely known and I do not claim to be. At all.

So yeah, like, I didn’t sell a million or anything, but I was moving over 100 copies a month when I was putting in the marketing work. Not too shabby. I was hustling on Twitter, FB marketing, Google ad marketing, working the review sites, doing interviews, everything I could. And it actually worked. I can honestly say the number of copies I moved a month directly correlated with how hard I pushed. And when I pushed, I pushed damn hard. I even got to a point where a reviewer who became an editor for DC would routinely provide public reviews for my books, and I was doing a superhero series. Not gonna lie- it was fucking rad.

Anyway, after a couple years of doing this, putting out a second novel which sold okay, a bunch of novellas, and so on, I received an offer out of the blue to have my work officially picked up. For realsies.

Admittedly, I was over the moon about this. I was being contacted by an unsolicited source! AND THEY HAD MONEY!

Now, my work wasn’t Shakespeare. I knew that. They did, too. They offered me a nice little starting sum. Not a lot, but holy shit it was FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS UP FRONT. One of my editors reads my Tumblr and I don’t think I’ve ever told them how much it was. It was 5k. To start. Not a lot, publishing-wise, but that’s because the work was already done. See, most publishers will give you more, but the catch is it’s considered a down payment for more books in a series. They pay you to write future novels, and then they expect you to pay it back. I already had a shit ton of content out, so I essentially skipped that step. Which tells me that publishers really don’t expect to have to actually pay you much, but that’s another post.

To my editor- sorry I never said the exact amount. It felt weird, but it’s been years, so it’s not as weird? I dunno. That logic train made sense as I was writing this.

So, 5k upfront, and then 50% of all sales thereafter, and they would handle EVERYTHING. Marketing, scheduling tours, covers, putting me in stores, the lot. Considering how much time, money, and effort these things took, this was not a terrible deal, but there was a catch.

My story would officially no longer be mine.

Oh, my name would be on it, and I’d write it, but from there on out, the publishing house would have 100% control over how it was marketed, where it went, and so on. If they wanted to option it, I would have zero say and zero rights, meaning they could take it and do fuck-all, and I would be left with nothing. Per the contract, they could even go so far as to issue me a cease and desist on my own work and hire a new person to take over. I was signing away everything in my universe if I said yes.

So, despite the allure of having things offered to me like a legit marketing team, book tours, and money (such as it was), I said no thank you.

Now, it didn’t hurt that I’d already made 5k in sales by that point. I knew my worth and how to push to keep it that way, if I so chose. Also, it helped that I was in an okay place when that offer came in. I could look at it and say, “well, that sure would be nice, but I don’t need it.” A lot of talented writers aren’t in that space, and the offer of several months rent or money for food as well as REALLY-REAL PUBLISHING can be hella tempting. And I get it, for some folks, the deals work out alright. And for some they don’t. And I sure as Hell am not going to judge. Seriously, I still have vivid nightmares about working 60+ hours a week and not being able to afford baby formula. Hell, if they had offered that to me just one year earlier, I would have been forced to take it. At that stage of life, 5k would have been life changing. I was just starting to hit the OK section of life, and only barely. Money when you need it is fucking awesome, and sometimes, you take what you can get.

But if you are a writer? And you’re in a place where it’s not life and death? Read the damn contract. Every single time. Make good and sure you know what you’re getting into and ask yourself, is it worth it to you? If it is, awesome. Again, not gonna judge, and every situation is different.

In my specific case though, it was choosing a nice bit of cash over something I had slaved for years over. I couldn’t do it. I still can’t. It’s the one property I’ll never let go of because when I wrote it, I didn’t even know if I could write a book. It proved to me that yes, I really could, and that was worth more than I can put into words.

TLDR: Read your contracts. Make choices good for you. Some things are worth more than money.

#writing #publishing #read your contracts

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jodibodie · 3 years

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I Have Some Feelings

To start let me just emphasize how much I love and adore this show and always will. This was my covid show. Both of my kids loved “Lucifer” and always said I should watch so at the start of covid I binged it and when I say binged, I mean all 4 seasons in a few days and have rewatched so many times I’ve lost count. I think it is timeless, engrossing, original and all around amazing. The writing and the cast were all excellent. The writing was smart and consistently strong and that is so rare. Funny, sad, poignant, it hit all the notes with very few plot holes or missteps. There is not one episode in the entire series that was not engaging. Even if I didn’t like an episode, it was still well done. What a rarity.

The cast is scary good. Completely underrated. Just all phenomenally talented. I don’t remember the last time a cast was this strong. From the core group to both reoccurring and guest stars, the cast was just fantastic.

Tom Ellis, no words. The man deserves to choose whatever he wants to do acting wise. He should have people breaking down his door. He can truly do it all and do it all well. He took a character that if portrayed by a lesser actor could have come off as a complete asshole and made him one of the most sympathetic and loveable characters in recent history. Ellis made a crime solving devil, a promiscuous man-child that occasionally breaks into song and the evidence room into a beloved character that has become an icon.

Lauren German, WOW. She is just so damn good. She can break your heart one second and have you laughing the next. She makes Chloe real, and people don’t realize how hard that is. Chloe is smart, kind, tough and gorgeous but she’s also an insecure dork. She’s us and German just brings it.

DB Woodside I’ve loved since “Buffy”. He is a phenomenal actor and who knew he could bring the laughs so well? His expressions were classic. Clueless angel indeed. Amenadiel could have been very one-dimensional but because of Woodside’s talent he became fully fleshed out and full bodied.

I have no doubt Lesley-Ann Brandt has a huge career in front of her. She took a character that very well could have been hated, a demon and made her into one of the most human characters on the show. Kudos to her for taking a tough role and making it her own.

Kevin Alejandro is another actor I’ve loved for a long time. He also took a character who if we’re going to be honest here did so many unlikeable things that he should have been truly despised but because of Kevin’s portrayal he was beloved. Great actor and a terrific director.

Rachael Harris IMO is the downlow MVP. She was literally the rock and again, with a lesser actress the role could have been a throwaway. The normal human, the sounding board but Harris imbued her with so much more. Her spit takes, sarcasm and her obvious compassion was what made Dr. Linda an unforgettable character. Once again just perfect casting.

Aimee Garcia was a great addition. She made Ella a fan fav and put so much heart, joy and sincerity into Ella never once did you doubt that she would prevail no matter what was thrown at her. Garcia was just fantastic, and I want her skin care regime.

Scarlett Estevez pulled off the one thing I thought almost impossible. She took the role of a young child and made it so I didn’t want to cringe. She portrayed Trixie so beautifully from day one that she was a true pleasure to watch. Even though Trixie was super precocious Estevez never made her obnoxious. I loved Trixie and I have never said that about any child character in an adult show. She was wonderful and has an amazing career in front of her.

That said, I’ve got some feelings now that I’ve seen the finale and have had some time to digest it all. I love that Chloe and Lucifer had eternity and I agree that they had to be separated for Chloe’s lifetime. Didn’t like it but it’s the logical path. She’s human, he’s not. The ageing thing alone necessitated them not being together long term on earth and that’s just to start the list. They had to had to be apart for the short term to get their eternity but the duality of Lucifer's ending and Amenadiel's didn't sit right. Amenadiel as God got to have it all. His calling, his family etc. while Lucifer had to give up everything. I also don’t buy the “If he came up from hell, he could never leave them again” defense. I call bullshit. Amenadiel managed, plus, missing out on the day to day is a huge sacrifice and by Lucifer missing out on the day-to-day Rory could still have had the hatred she needed to drive the story. Popping in for birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc., the big stuff does not a father make. Not being there for skinned knees, first heartbreaks, and all the little things a daughter needs her dad for can build up tons of resentment. Boom, absentee father, just like his dad was. That provides all the millennial angel angst you could ask for. I have a daughter; it doesn’t take much.

The Trixie issue was huge for me. Can Chloe see her in Heaven? Will she be able to travel to Heaven and visit Trixie, Penelope, Dan, her father? Chloe hesitated leaving Heaven in 5x16 because she couldn’t bear saying good-bye to her dad again. It seems as if Chloe sacrificed everything for Rory including Trixie. I want to preface this by saying. I liked Rory and loved the actress. I didn’t however like how it was as if she were their only child. When Lucifer spoke of family Trixie was not mentioned. Their family day, the same thing. She didn’t need to be there, I get that the explanation regarding Rory would have been way too much to get into but just a mention of her, how awesome it would have been to share this day with her would have worked. It seemed as if Lucifer went from, “I would do anything to protect that little Urchin” to “Trixie who”. Trixie was a character that we watched grow up and she meant something to us. I hate to say this, but the writers did Trixie and the viewers dirty in this regard.

This show was built around a few premises. Free will, honesty, redemption, sacrifice and family, both blood and made. The ending completely negated almost all of these. Chloe and their entire family were made into the one thing Lucifer abhorred the most which are liars. Their daughter was brought up surrounded by lies. What did they tell Trixie? The poor kid just lost her dad, and she was pissed at Lucifer when he went back to hell the first time. Did she grow up hating him because as far as she knew Lucifer left her mom again without saying good-bye and this time it was even worse because Chloe was pregnant. I get that the actress who plays Trixie had limited availability but seriously. A quick good-bye.

“Hey Urchin, you won’t understand why for a long time, but I have to leave. You know I never lie so I can’t explain why but know that I love you and your mom and one day I hope you can forgive me.”

A 30 second scene would have worked.

As all the characters learned throughout the series, omission of the truth is just a form of lying and there are always repercussions i.e., Chloe and Father Kinley, Dan shooting Lucifer, Maze finding out about Lilith and even Ella not being told. As far as free will, both Chloe and Lucifer had their free will taken from them in the end. By Rory forcing them to abide by her wishes, their free will was forfeited. It was a huge manipulation on Rory’s part and considering how much Lucifer hated manipulations it just didn’t sit right.

Parents making huge sacrifices I get. Chloe and Lucifer sacrificed everything for their child. Unfortunately for me this sacrifice, the way it was written seemed contrived to pull out maximum and IMO unjustified angst. I love angst. Hell, this is my favorite show. I thrive on the angst. But as I wrote earlier, all the anger, angst and hatred towards Lucifer could have been achieved without having Lucifer completely out of the picture. I have two kids and my husband, and I have made huge life altering sacrifices for them as many parents do but being there for the day-to-day little things was what made the difference in their lives and cemented the close relationships we have with them.

“Yeah, dad you were great. Showing up for the fun stuff, always swooping in for the big finish to play the hero then ditching us when things got tough. When Grandma was dying where were you? Nice that you showed up for the funeral but the six months leading up to it…we needed you and once again you weren’t there. When T got sick, when Jen broke my heart, blah, blah, blah…”

Even the whole Chloe dying scenario. They could have written it that rage Rory traveled minutes before Lucifer got there. Have him pop in right after Rory comes back. There were so many ways to achieve the end game they wanted other than the way they went. It seemed contrived and as if they took the easy way out to get where they needed to go. The Rory rage that was the catalyst for her traveling back in time and Lucifer finding his calling could still have been accomplished without the whole Lucifer disappearing storyline.

Now that I’ve finished my diatribe there’s a couple of additional things I would like to say. Lucifer is and always will be one of my favorite shows of all time. There are not enough words to describe the comfort and enjoyment this show has brought me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the producers, cast and crew. You truly created something special.

To the fandom. Please do not let a polarizing conclusion rip apart the fandom. The only other fandom I was a part of tore itself apart so badly that the FBI got involved. Hence why I waited for 15 years to dip my toe in again. Everyone invested in this show has the right to their feelings. Debate is fine, baiting and bullying are not. The Lucifer fandom like the show is very special. Without the fandom we wouldn’t have gotten any conclusion so don’t let opposing viewpoints tarnish what has been a magical journey.

#lucifer #season6 #spoilers #lucifer spoilers #lucifer season6 spoilers #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #trixie espinoza #rory morningstar #luciferseason6 #tom ellis #lauren german #db woodside #lesley-ann brandt #rachael harris #kevin alejandro #scarlett estevez #brianna hildebrand

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writing-realityawayfromreality · 4 years

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*I’m thinking about having this part in the story that I am currently working on but it is a bit different so PLEASE let me know what you think. I’ve had this idea in my head for awhile now and spending time with my niece has made me really think about kids of my own one day. Also please note that this story is supposed to take place when Harry is 30. I’m hoping the one direction reunion comes WAYYYYY before that but to just make the story flow a bit better I had to make him older. Anyways, as always, all the love,

“Where daddy?” your youngest daughter asked as you and your children take your seats in the front of the crowd. “He’s back stage.” your oldest daughter said. “Why?” Your two year old daughter asked once again. “Because that man right there” she points to James “is going to ask him some questions for tv.” your oldest daughter tried to explain as best as a five year old could. You just chuckled to yourself listening to your daughters talking when you felt your phone go off.

Harry-

Did you guys get to your seats alright?

You quickly answered knowing that he was about to come on stage at any moment.

Just sat down, the girls are excited to see you preform.

Harry-

See you soon my loves.

You were going to respond when you heard James ask the crowd to put their hands together for Harry styles. Your two daughters jumped out of their seats and started cheering for their dad. Harry had walked out from the back stopping briefly to wave at his daughters before giving you a wink. You could feel yourself blushing, there wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t love Harry as much as you loved him when you first started dating. Your two daughters called out to their dad as he sat down next to James which only caused him to laugh a bit before blowing them kisses.

“Harry...” James said making Harry chuckle “James.” Harry said getting serious and looking him in the eyes. “It’s been awhile since we had you on the show.” James started out. “How’ve you been?” “I’ve been amazing. I just put out another album, spending a lot of time at home with my beautiful family, just kind of basking in this time together before going on the road again.” He said looking at you. “Well I think you just answered all the questions that i had prepared for the show tonight so... ladies and gentlemen, Harry styles.” James said laughing as everyone started clapping. Harry gave a joking shrug and stood up pretending to head backstage. “No no no I’m just kidding. Sit down.” James continued laughing. “You took some time off from touring and in that time you made this album, you want to talk about the new album a bit? I mean during your one direction time if felt as though you guys were always on the road and then the hiatus happened and you all had your solo careers and you put out your self titled album, toured. Took some time to put out fine line, toured then the pandemic happened so it pushed tour off a bit and then you finished tour, took a year to write your third album, toured that one and now you’re putting out your fourth album? James asked looking at Harry.

“Yeah...” *coughs* “So, the first five years of one direction we put out an album each year and we toured almost all of them besides the last album which we still yet have to do... ” Harry smirks as the crowd cheers. “I love touring and whether you were here from the one direction days or just discovered my music yesterday I really appreciate all your support and I know all the rest of the boys appreciate it as well. I had just met my then girlfriend before hiatus happened. On tour actual, it’s a funny story. But anyways I took some time off after the hiatus hit and really I tried to find who I was. I was in two movie “Dunkirk” and also “Don’t worry darling”. As far as music I had then put out my self titled album and toured that. Took some time off to write Fine Line, started touring that a bit but like you said the pandemic shut everything down so i had to wait a year to tour that album. And then I took about a year to write the third album, wrote most of that while touring Fine line. I toured that one of course , and then I took year and a half... not really off, but instead trying to write a album that meant a lot to not only me but my family as well. Can any of you guess what I am going to do next?” Harry asked gesturing towards the crowd. “Tour!” they all yelled back as harry smiled. “So tell us about your album that is coming out.” James said.

“Well, so like I had said, i took sometime to figure out who i was as a solo artist and you know when you’re performing a certain type of music for so long you yourself kinda get lost. But I had my now wife y/n by my side and she kinda helped me to reconnect with myself and be comfortable with making the music on my first album, she has supported me day in a day out and I can’t thank her enough. I then went onto write Fine Line and that album was written while y/n and I had broken up and we were seeing other people and there was just something about y/n that I couldn’t let go...” Harry stopped when he heard people the crowd awe. “Don’t worry, we ended up back together... clearly.” harry laughed. “But by the time the third album came out I was already married and now i took some time off to spend with my wife and daughters and that’s how the fourth album was born, it was based on all the emotions that I was feeling. I was surrounded by friends and family, so this album is upbeat and happy, it’s about love, loving yourself, being in love, loving life, and loving one another.

“Not to switch topics but you mentioned your wife...” James said. “I did... can we get a round of applause for my beautiful wife.” Harry asked as both him and Jame as well as the crowd started to cheer and clap. “You both are hardly ever on social media...” James started as Harry just nodded in agreement. “But when you guys are the fans get the best content, whether that be either you doing something or her doing something, sometimes it’s something your kids have done or something about your pets, and the fans just love it. A lot of the comments that i see is them asking for you two to be their parents. How does that make you two feel?” James chuckled. “Uh, well, my wife and I both agreed that we wanted to raise our kids out of the spot light so we try not to post too much but we would welcome whoever into our family with open arms... we just want everyone to feel loved and treated with kindness.” Harry said looking to the crowd as they clapped. “Speaking of welcoming people into your family, your latest post that the both of you posted was that you two are expecting your third child together!” James announced. “Wait a minute, three children?” Harry asked as though he was in shock by the news. Harry started to count on his fingers “Darcy... Angelique... and um... baby styles...” He held up three fingers “One, two, three, yep three... ” Harry pursed his lips and blew out air while still looking like he was in shock causing everyone to laugh “ladies and gentlemen give a round of applause for the expecting couple” James exclaimed. “I remember when you were on here when you two were first engaged and the next thing I knew you two were having your first child together and then your second, and now third!” Jame stated. “Well, that’s how it works James, you can’t have your second child first...” Harry Joked.

“Your wife is here today, is she not?” James asked. “She is, and my two beautiful daughters are here today as well.” Harry stated. “Almost three children now, what is that like?.” James said looking to Harry. “Honestly I don’t think I could had picked a better partner to raise children with. I don’t know how y/n does it all. Together y/n and I have two beautiful daughters with another child on the way. Darcy, our oldest had just turned five last month and Angelique our newly middle child will turn three in two months. They are both keep us on our toes, and are both super sassy, we think they get that from their uncle Louis...” Harry laughs. “But they are truly a blessing to the both of us. They love traveling with us, and are generally well behaved, um they do fight like normal siblings but at the end of the day you can find them cuddled up together on the sofa watching a disney movie, that comes from their uncle Liam” Harry stated looking at you and your children.

“You really give a lot of credit to your wife, you guys have been married for four years now? Where did you find the time to make music and get married and have children?” James questioned. “You’re really going to have me gushing over my family on live tv?” Harry asked smiling at James. “The fans want to know, you guys are pretty private.” James said laughing. “ We did get married in 2020, before covid hit, we found time in between touring, so we’ve been married for 4 years now. “How long had you guys been dating prior to getting married.” James asked. “ 5 years actually believe it or not. I met her back in the start of 2015, I was 21 and she was 18 and the moment I saw her I was head over heels for her. She wasn’t too keen on me however and really made me work to even take her out on our first date.” Harry said looking over as you recalled your first date. “Why didn’t you just walk over to her and say “hello love, I’m Harry Styles, member of one direction one of the worlds biggest boyband...” I mean come on you are super famous. I’m sure that would had won her over.” James laughed. “It might have but I don’t really like to bring fame into my relationships.” Harry said. “So, how did you win over such a gorgeous lady?” James questioned. “I just happened to go on a trolley ride that she was working on that day, it was an amusement park trolley. It was a private ride for the guys and I. Her and her coworker put on this little show, taught us about the history of the park we were at, they got dressed up as different people and sang songs. It was just amazing. Later that day I had asked if she could give me a tour of the park itself and we went on rides, I asked her to come to the concert that night but she declined. I think it was close to 2 months after meeting I asked her on a date to which she turned me down. It was maybe six months into knowing each other that she finally agreed to go on a date with me,” Harry laughed. “SIX MONTHS? Y/N! WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO THIS POOR BOY?” James questioned you. “She was in college and working full time and helping out her family and playing sports... but yes ladies and gentlemen it took me, Harry styles six months to get a first date with y/n. Which was a beautiful picnic and then I...” Harry stopped laughing a bit. “I set up this homemade movie theater type thing later on that night” Harry stated which made the crowd awe once again.

“Did she know who you were?” James asked. “She knew of us because of her sisters being fans but it wasn’t something that made her think “Oh man I need to date this man because he’s in a boyband.” Harry laughed. “Did she meet the other lads speaking of boyband?” James questioned. “She did, she had met them here and there a few times before dating but once we were dating she invited all of them over for a dinner... “ Harry laughed “I remember she made this HUGE dinner because she wanted to make sure everyone had something that they liked to eat and she made a bunch of desserts. She was so nervous that it actually made me nervous just watching her it was like a chicken running around with their head cut off. By the time the boys got there she was covered head to toe in all different types of spices and flour.” Harry finished laughing. You could feel yourself chuckle recalling the event. “The boys went home with a lot of leftovers that night.” Harry said while James and the crowd laughed.

“Anyways...So we were officially dating in June of 2015 and a year passed. We had you know, moved in together basically spent every day together, so November of 2016 that I had asked her to marry me. You know I was feeling really good, I was casted in a movie and my album was nearly finished. I knew that I was going to be going on tour and I wanted her to come with me.” Harry said “I take it that she said yes?” James joked. “No, she waited another six months to give me an answer...” Harry joked back. “No, no she said yes right away. *coughs* so then 2017 my self titled album came out and dunkirk and that was going great y/n had come with me on tour for a bit, but y/n and I had decided to break up only a year after being engaged and it was pretty rough. We thought we were moving too fast, she was still trying to get a degree, I wasn’t really home and our schedules weren’t lining up. So I finished up the tour in 2018 for my self titled album, um y/n and I had reconnected in september of that year after both of us had dated other people. I spent that year writing Fine Line, so that’s what that album is about. But we both agreed that we still had feeling for one another and we wanted to pick up where we left things so we were re-engaged in 2018. Beginning of 2019 Fine line was released and we had also found out that we were expecting our first daughter. We both talked about getting married as soon as we found out about our baby but after a many many long conversations we agreed that we didn’t need to be married before having Darcy but in 2020 we finally tied the knot, we actually waited until Darcy was able to walk so she could be our flower girl. Freddie and Bear both carried the rings down the aisle for us, it was great to have the guys at the wedding. Not long after we were married we found out that we were expecting Angelique.” Harry finished looking at you and smiled. “Wow, so you guys have been together for roughly 9 years, married, 4 albums out and now expecting your third child together. Would you had ever thought that you would be a father?” James asked.

“Oh for sure, I’ve always loved children. While in One direction we had Lux around. All the boys and us are now fathers and it really is something, i wouldn’t change it for the world.” Harry answered. “Any more children after this one?” James asked as Harry looked to you and smirked. “ I think that is up to the misses. I mean, I’m 30 now, she’s 27 with a five and almost three year old and a new baby soon. we still have time if we would want any more children.” Harry finished off the statement.

#Harry Styles #one direction #thoughts #children #harry styles imagine #cute #dad harry styles

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espoir-et-reves · 3 years

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hi maria!!!

i LOVE your work and wanna pick your brain :)) for the writing asks:

1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 20, 32, 35, & 39

hope your day is going well!!!!! <3333

Yooo Nadia what’s up?? No, nope I LOVE YOURS and I’d let you pick my brain but I doubt you’d make much sense of the chaos in there. Even I don’t 😂😂 okay so on with the q&a

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

Hmm I think I started reading fanfiction when I was in middle school? I’m pretty sure the first few fanfics I ever read were Harry Potter and Supernatural fics. I was SO into those fandoms back then (still am tbh)

The first fics I wrote were in high school if I remember correctly. Harry Potter and k-pop, more precisely a few EXO x reader fics lmao

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

It depends on the day I think. On some days I have no motivation to write, so I just lose myself in reading fanfics. Other days I spend hours upon hours of writing and doing research for my fanfics, wips and YA stories.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Just three??? Blasphemous but okay...

Daughter of Fire by the amazing @justjstuff -- one of my TOP favorite KakaSaku fics and also Naruto fanfics in general. Always makes my day when I see an update^^

Deep Within the Trees; Under the Boughs & Blossoms by candy_floss_consumer (I’m sorry I don’t know if they’re on tumblr) The entire series of a Different Wave is just so magical and so well written but especially this one. Gave me chills on every single chapter.

Take your pick between The Shadows of Your Heart and Dying Embers by @riseoftheblossom-ff . Just amazing.

Also take a pick from your fics. I love them^^

(I only listed fics from the Naruto fandom, because I’ve been more invested in them for the past couple of years.)

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I HATE a huge block of just words. Please, people, change paragraphs, use “ ” when someone’s talking and for the love of everything you find holy, do tell us who is thinking what and who is speaking when there are more than two characters in a scene.

The lack of paragraphs especially drives me mad... like I don’t care if it’s the best story I may ever read, I’m not doing it, sorry.

Thank you, sincerely Maria❤

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

Not as often as I should tbh. Especially before I began uploading my fics, I was too shy to leave a review. Still am, but I’m trying to leave comments more often bc I understand how much they can lift the writer’s mood.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Favorite fandoms: Naruto, Supernatural, Harry Potter, The Mortal Instruments

Favorite pairings: I’m a MultiSaku hoe so I read EVERYTHING, Dean/Castiel + Meg/Castiel, Draco/Hermione, Magnus/Alec!!

Favorite character: BAMF Sakura, Cas my little angel baby, Hermione bc we love BAMF witches and Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn y’all✨

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Hahahhahahahha good question. It’s the hardest thing tbh. Sometimes I just google for a title generator, other times I sit down for a couple hours and beg for my brain to come up with something good...

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

*snorts* not just a headache, it’ll be a damn explosion. I do have a rough outline for my fics, I even have the major scenes I want in a chapter written down and an ending and all that. Thing is... my mind hates me and I change everything at least three times, so I decided to just go with the flow.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Honestly? just the fact that I’m writing. Especially when my brain wants to work with me and creativity just hits. I also enjoy doing research for my fics, but more often than not, it leads to distractions because I fall too into whatever I’m searching for😂

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

“He didn’t smile back at me,” Sakura pouted and stabbed the rabbit meat on her plate with unnecessary force. --- A running joke in A Tale of Songs and Ashes is that Sakura has vowed to make Madara smile at her and she tries to get a reaction out of him every time they meet. This line started everything.

Across from him Shikamaru was smoking a cigarette, lazily observing the people around him. The sharp look he received from said boy though had him taken aback. He followed the Nara’s eyes landing on Sakura and Sasuke, before turning back to him. Shikamaru shook his head, resigned and offered Neji a cigarette.

“I don’t smoke,” he replied.

Shikamaru shrugged, “It could help with the homicidal thoughts.” --- This interaction basically is one of my favorites from Nightstrolls because it kinda highlights Neji’s and Shika’s frienship in the fic and the fact that Shikamaru often makes fun of Neji’s crush on Sakura.

Gai’s laughter filled the air around them, “What a youthful child! Shisui-kun I didn’t know Uchiha came out in spring colours as well!” --- From Trials of Change I don’t think it needs an explanation. Gai just being Gai😂

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

Oh so damn much! I think it’s the only thing that kept me from falling apart during quarantine and the COVID-19 crisis. Writing really helped my mental health when it comes to dealing with all the stress and even members of my family falling ill and dying.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Uh, I don’t know? My readers usually tell me that I have an interesting way of writing -- whatever that means. So since they like it, I do as well?

Also, I try to make the characters more realistic, give them backstories and emotions and hobbies etc. I like that😊

Thank you so much for your questions!! Sending you lots of love💕

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onlydylanobrien · 4 years

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Dylan O’Brien Talks Feeling “Broken” After Traumatic ‘Maze Runner’ Accident & Why New Indie Pic ‘The Education Of Fredrick Fitzell’ Came At The Perfect Time

Former Teen Wolf star Dylan O’Brien has been through a transitional and challenging period after a serious accident on the set of the final Maze Runner film left him with injuries that required reconstructive surgery. The actor’s recovery coincided with him reading a script called The Education Of Fredrick Fitzell, a low-budget, mind-bending drama written by Canadian filmmaker Christopher MacBride, whose previous credits include 2012 horror The Conspiracy. The material sparked with O’Brien in an intense way, he tells Deadline in his first interview about the movie, connecting with that period of his life and reflecting some of what he was going through. “I was a mess,” he admits frankly.

Inspired, O’Brien attached himself to the movie, which follows a man who, after a chance encounter with a person forgotten from his youth, literally and metaphorically journeys into his past. It marks an intriguing and sideways move for the actor, whose career has almost entirely been in studio movies, such as Deepwater Horizon and Bumblebee. The actor also had interesting and timely points to make about how he thinks COVID-19 protocols could give the industry an overdue wakeup call over “outdated” health and safety regulations.

Deadline sat down with O’Brien and his Fredrick Fitzell director Christopher MacBride ahead of the film’s premiere at Spain’s Sitges film festival this week. Maika Monroe, Hannah Gross and Emory Cohen also star in the movie. Protagonist Pictures is handling sales.

DEADLINE: Congratulations on the movie’s premiere, are you disappointed not to be heading over to Spain?

CHRISTOPHER MACBRIDE: I would’ve gone for sure. My last film (The Conspiracy) went to Sitges, I’m super bummed not to be going back.

DYLAN O’BRIEN: I’m super bummed too. I saw pictures from the festival the other day, I hadn’t been thinking about it and they made me realise what we’re missing, any other year we’d be going and premiering our film which would be incredible.

DEADLINE: How did your collaboration on this movie come about?

MACBRIDE: I wrote this script more than 10 years ago. It was always in my back pocket, sort of ‘the film I want to make before I die’. A couple of years ago I started taking it seriously and me and my producers started taking the road of finding people crazy enough to join us. I got really lucky that an awesome cast responded to the script, that’s the difference of if it gets made or not.

DEADLINE: Did you have Dylan in mind?

MACBRIDE: I did not. I really disliked Dylan before this film [laughs]. The producers suggested Dylan because they had a relationship and I devoured every piece of Dylan O’Brien work I could. I could tell he had a depth to him, I could see a real actor at work. When we got on set I had this illogical anxiety – ‘what if Dylan sucks?’ – I remember when I called action the first time, I saw his whole body transform and this great, horrible, Fred Fritzel posture overtake him. He became Fred, and relief hit me.

O’BRIEN: That is hilarious.

DEADLINE: How did you get attached Dylan?

O’BRIEN: I had a general with Russell Ackerman (EP on the movie). He sent me the script and I remember thinking, ‘yo, this is me right now’. I happened to be in this place of life, I was going through a lot, and this script felt like what I was going through, I completely got it. Me and Chris talked and I was raving about how fascinating it was and how I was connected to it.

DEADLINE: What was it about the material you empathized with?

O’BRIEN: I was entering a new chapter in my life and career simultaneously. I must have read a hundred projects and to do one it had to be really great. A lot of things struck me about this script, it was exceptionally impressive, extraordinarily visual.

When I read it, I felt like I was going through a quarter-life crisis. I had been allowing myself to be in this pretty f*cked up, lost place. And then this script came along and I thought it was crazy how much it was me at that moment. The film surrounds a guy who is baulking at the next stage of his life, he’s dealing with tremendous loss, and at that time in his life he reached back, to a specific night, I liked that idea. It’s a very human story.

DEADLINE: To what extent did those emotions stem from your accident on The Maze Runner?

O’BRIEN: That was definitely one of the pieces. It was a concoction of sh*t. I had a rough and long road back from that, probably more than people realize. It was a very private and personal thing for me. I was going through that sh*t for long time.

A lot of things in my life were changing and were difficult at that time. A lot of things in my career were changing too. I was fighting it for a while, and freaking out that I felt so f*cking broken. I had to accept that and sink into it. It’s hilarious to think back to the place I was in when I read this script and then the onslaught of information I screamed at Chris after I read it. But I think he took it as interesting, that I got it to the core. I was so in that moment.

DEADLINE: Was shooting the movie a cathartic experience for you?

O’BRIEN: Yes I guess it was. I used it as an outlet, to lean into the mess I was in at the time. I really loved Chris and I loved our cast. It was such a great challenge too, we had to shoot fast and it’s a very complicated piece to film in 25 days.

DEADLINE: I assume a tight budget too…

MACBRIDE: Oh yeah. I’m sure every movie that gets made feels like it doesn’t have enough time or money, but we really didn’t have enough time or money. It’s the nature of filmmaking, you have to accept you’re gonna have 300 disasters along the way. Everything that could possibly go wrong is going to go wrong. You have to navigate that and still try to execute.

DEADLINE: Dylan, what was it like working on a more indie production, in contrast with your studio jobs?

O’BRIEN: I loved it. But I think people’s perceptions of things I worked on are a little inaccurate because of how commercial they ended up being. Maze Runner was a $30m movie but we shot it in 40 days. And Teen Wolf was notorious in the industry for being the most low-budget and ambitious TV scheduled at the time. I was used to the hustle so this wasn’t jarring. It’s my favourite thing to do, being on set, that family and that camaraderie, that’s what it’s all about.

DEADLINE: Do you see yourself doing more indie work going forward?

O’BRIEN: Absolutely. I’ve never thought of myself as a studio actor. The two things that give me that reputation both started out quite small and were little miracles in their own right. I’ve always felt I respond to, and work better with, more intimate pieces of material anyway. Going forward people will see me more in independent, weirder things like this. This is the first time I’m choosing my own path. I’m picky, it’s got to mean something to me.

DEADLINE: How do you feel about doing your job in this COVID era?

O’BRIEN: I definitely don’t love the prospect of it as of now. A large part of me thinks it’s going to be a long overdue positive influence on these dated health and safety regulations that tend to be on a set anyway. I’m looking forward to that but I hold some reservation, I need to see it function first. Set culture in terms of health and safety – everything comes ahead of it. We’re talking about capitalism, everyone egregiously prioritizes money. Sets are a lot of people, moving parts, equipment – lots of things can happen. As actors, we have to protect ourselves. I learned that. I’m adamant about it, the only person who’s going to have your back is you.

#dylan o'brien #the education of fredrick fitzell #the education of fredrick fitzell press #flashback #flashback press

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stonertransdad · 3 years

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Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

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thecrownnet · 4 years

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Photo from left: Charles Dance, Erin Doherty, Helena Bonham Carter, Peter Morgan, Olivia Colman, Tobias Menzies and Josh O’Connor attend the premiere of The Crown and tribute to Peter Morgan at AFI Fest in Hollywood.BY ARAYA DIAZ/GETTY

'The Crown' Boss Reveals Why Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Are Off-Limits

The Hollywood Reporter Aug 18, 2020

Creator and showrunner Peter Morgan shares the unofficial feedback he gets from the royal family and why characters based on Prince Andrew and others won't be making an appearance in the Emmy-nominated series: "I'm much more comfortable writing about things that happened at least 20 years ago."

Peter Morgan was nearing the end of a lengthy shoot for the upcoming fourth season of Netflix's The Crown when the coronavirus took hold in the U.K., halting production. While he was ultimately able to wrap the season with what they had, he still lost a couple weeks of filming. "I can see where the gaps are, but I'm hoping that you won't," says the showrunner, who adds that he feels "lucky" that they were able to get as far as they did. In the wake of the show's nine Emmy nominations, including one for best drama series, the London-based Morgan shares what caused him to change his mind about the number of seasons the show will run, the unofficial feedback he gets from Buckingham Palace and why present-day royal scandals are off the table.

How did you celebrate your Emmy nominations?

I'm not sure I did celebrate, to be honest. I mean, I was relieved. I'm not sure that relief is a celebration. This just feels like such a strange time. Jumping around punching the air and lighting cigars feels like something I look forward to doing again, but at the moment, it just would feel weird to be doing that.

Having lost a couple weeks of filming on the upcoming season, is there any chance that you could reconvene everyone once it's considered safe to do so and get those final shots?

In order to hit the release schedule for season four, we needed to start editing and lock episodes, which we've been doing throughout this time. And everything takes much longer under these new social distancing regulations and rules, [even post-production.] So if we'd, for example, waited until next month, when a number of people are starting to film again in late August, beginning of September, to pick up these extra scenes, I think a) everyone would have been out of the rhythm of it and it would have felt very strange, and b) I think it would have compromised our post schedule. And we had to weigh up, "Is it worth it or not?" And, actually, that we're still able to hit our release schedule in November for seasonal four has been worth it.

It was announced recently that the fifth season, the one you're currently writing, won't be released until 2022. Was that a decision impacted by COVID or was that always the plan?

It's a normal schedule for us because what happens is, as you've noticed, we filmed The Crown in two season chunks, so we had Claire Foy for two seasons, we've now got Olivia Coleman for two seasons. And there was a gap year in there in which I frantically do a draft of all the scripts, and then I re-write the scripts and polish the scripts after that — but at least we have a roadmap of where we're going for the two seasons. And I said that there was no way that I could possibly do that and be showrunning the seasons if they were in production. You do need a gap year to get ahead with the writing.

This year, you said that the show was going to run five seasons instead of the expected six, but you recently reverted to the original plan. Why the change?

That's me being exhausted, and the truth is people have just been so supportive and so kind. They were so kind to go with me on the five-season version. That was an act of generosity because it was always pitched as being six seasons and always imagined to be that. And then I think they just looked at the state I was in, which is a classic showrunner look. You look slightly green and yellow and you have bags under your eyes, and you look at least 10 years older than you actually are. At that point, people say, "Just let the poor man out of his misery." But then in the course of meeting the actors, they were all furious they were only getting one season. (Laughs.) They were like, "Well, that's not fair. How come Claire Foy gets two and Olivia Colman gets two and I only get one?"

Are you writing that next season with COVID protocols in mind or are you hoping that the virus will be a thing of the past by the time you're in production again?

I think so. I'm writing it exactly as I wrote it before. I'm making no concessions whatsoever in terms of international locations, in terms of extras, in terms of size. If anything, the show's getting bigger. So I am absolutely banking on there being not just a vaccine but that the vaccine has had global dissemination by that point.

What was the most challenging scene for you to write last season?

If there isn't a challenging scene to get on paper in every episode, I'm not doing my job. If it doesn't feel to me like I'm climbing without a rope, then I don't see [the point]. I remember in season one when Claire Foy comes back to find her father dead, she cries when she sees his dead body. And I said to everybody then, "This is the first and the last time we're ever going to see the queen cry. She will never cry again. There'll be many times where we imagine she's crying, but no tears come." When you have the queen in scenes of extreme emotion, those scenes are very difficult to write because she's not a person of extreme emotionality. So you're constantly having to find ways to make the audience cry without, as it were, the queen crying. In other words, it's all about inability and restraint and being blocked, because she herself is blocked because it's wrapped up in this package of being the queen — and the queen is in itself an abstract concept rather than Elizabeth Windsor, who she is underneath. So any scenes that really push to that are always a real challenge.

You've meet with royal aides to brief them on what's to come in the show. How do they typically respond, and what do you hope to get out of those meetings?

I meet on an entirely informal and impersonal basis with a couple of people who used to work at the palace and who I imagine still have contacts with the palace. It ends up as one of those rather ridiculous conversations in which everybody is slightly tiptoeing and saying something other than what they mean, but you're still finding a way of getting some information out while at the same time everybody has the most important thing, which is deniability.

Do they ever come to you and say, "No, it didn't happen this way," or "That isn't accurate"?

Occasionally they might come back and say, "I enjoyed certain aspects of the season," and by that I know that he or she probably means other people enjoyed that. And then they'll say, "There were one or two things that I personally found disappointing," which probably means that somebody else found them disappointing.

Does that feedback influence how you write the show at all?

No, nor would they want it to. No one's trying to censor me. No one's ever tried to correct what I do or censor what I do. No one wants anything to do with each other. I don't want anything to do with the palace and the palace wants nothing to do with me — again, so that we all have the most important thing, which is that they can say, "I don't know what they think they're doing." And we can say, "We have no interest in making them happy." That's really important because different people have different attitudes. Some people could say, "Oh my god, it's outrageous what The Crown has got away with saying," and other people could say, "The Crown could have said it a lot worse." So depending on your perspective, if you are a rapid anti-monarchist then no matter how critical I am, it will never be critical enough. And if you are really staunch establishment monarchist, then just about everything I say is pure treason. You will never make those two extremes happy. And there's no point even trying to. I only write what I want to write.

You've said the show won't get into modern royal subjects like Meghan Markle or Prince Andrew. Why?

I just think you get so much more interesting [with time.] Meghan and Harry are in the middle of their journey and I don't know what their journey is or how it will end. One wishes some happiness, but I'm much more comfortable writing about things that happened at least 20 years ago. I sort of have in my head a 20 year rule. That is enough time and enough distance to really understand something, to understand its role, to understand its position, to understand its relevance. Often things that appear absolutely wildly important today are instantly forgotten, and other things have a habit of sticking around and proving to be historically very relevant and long lasting. I don't know where in the scheme of things Prince Andrew or indeed Meghan Markle or Harry will ever appear. We won't know, and you need time to stop something being journalistic. And so I don't want to write about them because to write about them would instantly make it journalistic. And there are plenty of journalists already writing about them. To be a dramatist, I think you need perspective and you need to also allow for the opportunity for metaphor. Once something has a metaphorical possibility, it can then become interesting. It's quite possible, for example, to tell the story of Harry and Meghan through analogy and metaphor, if that's what you want to do. Because there've been so many examples in the past, whether it's Wallis Simpson or Edward VII, or whether it's Diana and Prince Charles. There have been plenty of opportunities in the past where there have been marital complications. There've been wives that have been married into the Royal family that have felt unwelcome and that they don't fit in. So there are plenty of stories to tell without telling the story of Harry and Meghan.

Interview edited for length and clarity.

#olivia colman #helena bonham carter #gillian anderson #claire foy #the crown #peter morgan #tobias menzies #ben daniels #josh o'connor #emma corrin #erin doherty #imelda staunton #jonathan pryce #lesley manville #elizabeth debicki #the crown netflix

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foxthefanboi · 3 years

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Thoughts on the Finale

So on the off-chance that my followers care about what I thought of the finale, I wrote a 1,700-word meta. I know, probably overkill, but here it is. In summary: I know the finale was really unpopular with many people. Dean dying early, not addressing Cas’s confession, no reunion with their found family, etc. But I loved it. I was happy and satisfied with the ending. It’s not easy wrapping up a show like this, but it’s just what I needed. Here’s my thoughts on the finale and a defense of some of the things people were upset about:

The Timing of Dean’s Death

Okay, so I know a lot of people are upset about Dean’s death, that he didn’t get to live a full life like Sam did. It is pretty upsetting. (Mainly, I really wish he’d gotten a chance to be a dad.) And I see how it conflicts with the theme of the season, which is free will and defying the fate of dying a violent death while hunting that they expected.

On the other hand, I think Dean was satisfied with his life when he died. It was the death he was always expecting and had accepted. He did a lot of good in his life and really he just wanted peace at that point, you know? Sure, he could’ve lived a longer life but I don’t think he felt like he was missing out when he died. Personally, I doubt he would’ve given up hunting, so his life would’ve been more of the same until he died, still probably from hunting. A full life would’ve been great, but Heaven was great for him too.

[Edit: Just read a post where they mentioned Dean was tired which was a point that was made again and again in the show and I think that’s part of why how he went out is okay! He loved hunting, he loved hunting with his brother, but it’s not sustainable and it wore him out and his peace is Heaven rather than an apple pie life, and that’s okay.]

The Manner of Dean’s Death

I sort of wish Dean’s death had been a little more dramatic. I mean, he did just defeat God and everything. And then he gets taken out by a spike in the wall? But I was okay with the hunt-gone-wrong thing. It seemed like sort of a lame death, but remember Asa Fox, the other legendary hunter? He died from tripping and hitting his head on a rock after his friend pushed him, so. It’s not unheard of, even for great hunters. And Dean would’ve died after being electrocuted in a pool of water in season 1 if a reaper hadn’t saved him. Unlucky deaths… Yeah, they happen.

But I do think it would’ve been good to have a more death-y death because Dean standing against a post didn’t give the immediacy of dying that some of the other deaths. He did have a couple of pained gasps and all that, but there wasn’t really blood showing or the obviousness of being so close to death, not the way that his Metatron death scene gave, for example.

Still though, I really did love the death scene. Like, I hated it, because it was heartbreaking and it made me cry, but it was just really emotional in the best way. Everything Dean said to Sam about looking up to him, and how he felt when he went to see Sam at Stanford, and then “I love you so much. My baby brother.” And then the forehead touch.

Honestly I sort of get the feeling they killed Dean off early just so that they could give us one last, weighty goodbye scene to be emotional about. Remember how much it hurt when Dean said goodbye before going to hell in season three? Or when Sam said goodbye in season 5 before saying yes to Lucifer? Or in season 11 when Dean went to stop Amara? That was all really good stuff. This was one last sendoff they couldn’t have given us if Dean had just lived his normal life.

Sam’s Life

I’m at least glad Sam got to live his life. That’s been his dream over and over since when he was a kid, when he went to college, when he took a year off with Amelia… And he finally got to have it. I’m not set on this opinion but, because of their codependency, I don’t think either Dean or Sam could’ve had something like that with each other in their lives, so Dean’s death ultimately sort of allowed Sam to live. If that makes sense.

What hurt me the most about this whole episode is that Sam had to live decades without his brother. They had thirty-seven years together (give or take a few missing years in the middle), which is a long time, but since Sam died of old age, that’s like half his lifetime without his brother! Decades!!!! I really wonder how Sam’s memory of Dean changed over that time, as he became a more and more distant memory…

zmediaoutlet had a cute post-episode Heaven fic where Dean and Sam are reunited and Sam has all the time he needs to tell Dean about every single part of his life. Even though Dean wasn’t there for it, he could get caught up in Heaven, which was… Just a nice thought. In my opinion.

We needed some closure on Eileen :(

Okay, so I was happy with how the show did Dean and Sam’s deaths. But they did leave us hanging on some pretty important things. Like, where the fuck was Eileen? Last we heard about her, Sam was crying about losing her after she got Thanos-snapped by Chuck. Presumably she came back, but even though she and Sam had been dating, he never checked in on her. And then Sam had a faceless wife. Couldn’t they have given us something more? John Winchester has shown up in flashbacks without being played by JDM or shown clearly and it’s obvious it’s him. They couldn’t have done something similar for Eileen? Like, Sam signing something to her as she watches him play catch in the backyard with Dean Jr.? I’m just gonna assume the faceless wife was Eileen, but some official endorsement would’ve been nice.

We really needed some closure on Cas :(((

Cas confessed his love to Dean in 15x18! Romantic love, according to the writers and actors!! This is a really big deal!!! But we never got to hear Dean’s thoughts. He never talked about it. The crying in the bunker after losing Cas, that really showed his grief, I thought. But we never actually got to see him react beyond that.

I read that, based on Becky’s Funko Pop set-ups, there was foreshadowing that Cas and Dean would at some point be outside the Harvelles’ Roadhouse together, and that this should’ve happened in the finale and probably would’ve if it hadn’t been for casting restrictions due to COVID. So. I’m just gonna go with saying that happened off-camera, and that Dean and Cas were reunited in Heaven. And that’s what fics are for! Maybe Dean’s straight and/or maybe he didn’t reciprocate. But maybe he did and he and Cas are in love and living(?) happily in Heaven together. The show never told us, which is kind of sad, because that would’ve been a nice, official ending. But it’s nice to have it open, too.

Is Heaven as an ending sort of a copout?

I read a post that said that Heaven as an ending is a copout because why even bother living if you’re going to eternal happiness in the end? Which is, you know, a pretty good point. I’ve said before that the Winchesters fight way too hard to bring people back when those people are happy in heaven. Like, remember when they were heartbroken over Rowena’s death? And then it turned out she was “living” her best life as the Queen of Hell and wondering why she’d been so worried about dying in the first place.

Anyway, some type of eternal afterlife has been inevitable since the very beginning of the show, so this has always been a point. It’s not just a finale thing used as a convenient way to wrap it up with a happy ending. It is a logical happy ending. Seriously.

I think there’s a couple things that kept the boys going. One, they had to keep living so they could effectively fight forces not only of Earth, but of Heaven, Hell, etc. as well. They were making the world a better place not just for the people who were living in it, but for the people who had passed and were in Heaven as well. Also they got a lot of closure they couldn’t have gotten if they were dead, e.g. against Azazel, etc. I feel like not getting that would’ve haunted them, even if they were in Heaven.

Second, you can’t really have new experiences in Heaven. Based on what Bobby said about time passing differently, you just sort of hang out in a blissed out state with your loved ones. Presumably there can be changes in relationships, but no one in Heaven is gonna work on a career, or have kids, stuff like that. Sam got that when he lived his life, and I think he needed to have that in a way that Dean didn’t.

The Winchesters changed heaven!

Also, it’s important to note that sure, if Sam and Dean had just decided Heaven was way more worth it than Earth, and they hadn’t brought each other back again and again, they would’ve saved themselves a lot of suffering. But then Heaven would be way different than how it ended. No more corrupt angels running things, no more threat of evil archangels, no more God interested in a story more than the well-being of the souls in his universe. Jack was good because of their efforts, and he’s just the God the universe needed. (And also Heaven was pretty close to shutting down from a lack of angels to power it so that would’ve sucked.) Basically, in summary, their lives and what they did with them is specifically what allowed them to have eternal peace and happiness. So they had good, meaningful lives. They changed things for everyone, everywhere, and now they deserve Heaven.

In summary

They carried on, and there was peace when they were done. What more can we ask for from a finale?

#sam-winchester-admiration-league #spn meta #The Finale #finale positivity #spn spoilers #spn 15.20 #nf #I spent like two hours writing this lmao #I had to put it out there though!! now that I was able to write it without bawling

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theuniversitychallengereview · 3 years

Text

UC 50.35 - Imperial vs Warwick

This is episode thirty five of this years University Challenge. Almost exactly one year ago, on 23rd March 2020, the UK was plunged into what we thought would be its only lockdown. Instead it was the first of going on three, four? Where does a lockdown end and a Tier 4 start? Manchester, where I live, has basically been in lockdown for most of the twelve months since then, and who knows how much longer this one is going to actually last.

There is a peculiar magic to a revolution of the sun, with the circularity giving meaning to the meaningless marker of three hundred and sixty five days. Somehow it feels so much more momentous that a year will have passed than that a day less than a year has passed. You remember what you were doing as the lockdown was announced, where you watched Boris make his serious address from. The tingles of fear, and maybe even guilty nervous excitement made me restless. No one knew what any of it meant. So many things have changed since then, but in some ways we are exactly where we were. Stuck inside, nowhere to go, with no concept of when life will return to normal.

There was also a University Challenge match on the 23rd March. I don’t know if I watched it on the day. Probably not. I wrote about it six days later, by which point I was working from home with a pile of books stacked underneath my laptop acting as a makeshift stand. There is something strange about being able to read exactly what I was thinking at the time everything was starting. The following paragraphs are taken directly from that blog, and it still feels like we are in the same limbo state.

What is going on? When I wrote the last blog it was pretty clear that we were in a dire situation, but the inaction of the Government left it feeling like we were in some kind of limbo state, just waiting for the disaster to hit us. But then action was taken. Lockdown.

We now know exactly what we have to do (I was going to list the ‘Stay Home’ instructions here, but if you’re getting your lockdown lowdown from a University Challenge blog then frankly there’s no hope for you anyway), but it still feels really surreal. You’ve never done a home workout in your life, but you’ve done two in the past three days. People say ‘social distancing’ as if its always been a well-known term that was commonly used in daily life. There are never any beans (screw your toilet paper shortages, its the beans that really matter).

We’re still in limbo, really, because we have no idea how long this is going to last. And we’re still waiting for the disaster to hit, because the worst of it hasn’t yet, and the lockdown won’t start properly helping for a few weeks. So what do we do? What can we do? You feel like you want to be distracted from all that is going on, but also to be clued up to the eyeballs with the latest news.

So we do what we can. We stay inside. We call our friends and family and play that stupid ‘chips and guac’ game on Houseparty. We take solace in books, or films, or TV…

As I did a year ago, I’ll try and distract you all (and myself too), with some words about a television quiz show. Let’s not bother with the rules, here’s your first starter for ten...

Imperial and Warwick have already played each other in this years tournament, with the Avonsiders coming out convincing winners, 200 to 120. They then beat another of the semi finalists, Magdalene, Cambridge, by 200 to 160. Fans of a nice round number, it seems.

But I wouldn’t write Imperial off. They followed up their loss to Warwick with magnificent wins over King’s and Durham. Their skipper Kohn is the most in-form player left in the competition, and has averaged more than six starters a game.

Having lost their first round match to Strathclyde, Imperial were given a reprieve via the high-scoring loser play-offs, and boy did they take advantage of it. This coincided with the gap in filming caused by Covid, and Kohn used the extra time to train intensely - think Stallone in Rocky but its just a guy furiously reading (with the same music playing, obviously).

Warwick, meanwhile, have had a relatively smooth path to the last four, winning by an average of 92.5 points. However, if you dive a bit deeper into those statistics, the margin has been decreasing each time (150, 100, 80, 40...), so if Imperial could get stuck into them early on then we’d have a real match on our hands.

Kohn is quickest on the buzzer for the first starter, and they take three bonuses, with Kohn saying that ‘this is giving me strong Dr Faustus vibes’, before giving Dr Faustus as the correct answer for the third. His speed is his downfall on the next starter though, and he loses five points with a neg, allowing his opposite number Rout to pick up the scraps.

A very long-winded biology question falls to no one, before another Imperial neg, this time from Wong, let Braid in to take the lead for Warwick. An incredibly easy bonuse set on Shakespeare extended this for them, though they didn’t recognise ‘Night of the Living Dead’ from its description.

Marrow, Imperial’s resident smiler, took the first picture starter to her evident delight, and a couple of bonuses tied the game at thirty fives. Braid is unlucky with his guess of ‘suffer no fools’ on the next starter - the answer is ‘suffer fools gladly’.

A trademark rapid-buzz from Kohn took the lead back to London, before a second neg from Wong allowed Braid to level the game again. Imperial’s tactic seems to be to win the buzzer race, regardless of whether or not they know the answer. So far they have three negs to three correct starters. An inspired guess of semi-colon from Marrow stole back the initiative. Neither side could string together a run of starters yet.

Not wanting to let Kohn have all the credit, Rout comes in super early on the next starter with Hamiltonian Operator. By now we have reached the music round, in a riveting but so-far low-scoring match. Kohn takes us to seventy apiece with the musical starter, giving Miles Davis and Dave Brubeck as his answer, even though the question had only asked for one person (to be fair to him, the question asked for ‘a bandleader and soloist’, making it seem as though they were two different people, but anyway, Paxman lets him off).

Both teams are making a dangerous habit of dropping bonuses, and six pass in succession with no correct answers. A pair of starters from Burrell, along with a few made five pointers, including some on Bulgarian football teams, gave Warwick the biggest lead of the match so far - fifty.

Kohn isn’t content to give up so easily, and takes the second picture starter, along with a pair of bonuses. Braid stumbles on a chemical elements question, and again Kohn takes advantage. Dismissing some of the bonuses as too easy, Imperial close to within ten.

Pollard gets his first starter of the evening with Yuri Gagarin, and a rare full set from Warwick gave them a thirty five point lead. A supremely clutch buzz from Kohn keeps Imperial in it, but Braid is quickest to identify/guess that a million seconds is two weeks (to the closest week), possibly putting the game beyond the reach of the Londoners. Paxman wastes some time by going on about how stupid it is to know that fact, and Warwick waste some more time with a lengthy conference on the bonuses. They are forty points clear, and probably heading to the final.

But HANG ON!

Braid negs. Thirty five points.

Kohn trips over his tongue, but gets the answer out in the end. Twenty five points. Could they do it?

No (sorry to have built up your hopes, if I did). The gong follows soon after, with Imperial still twenty five points adrift.

Final Score: Imperial 135 - 160 Warwick

Probably a deserved win for Warwick that, but Imperial were an absolute delight and it was a pleasure to watch their evolution over the course of the tournament, especially Kohn’s performances on the buzzer.

I’m looking forward to the second semi-final next week, which also promises to be a barnstormer. See you then.

If you’ve enjoyed this, but can’t wait until next week for another fix of University Challenge, then you can check out my Patreon, where I’ve been reviewing the 2015/16 series.

#university challenge #bbc2 #warwick #imperial #jeremy paxman

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getfit182 · 3 years

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04/26/2021.

I finally slept a full seven hours last night. Even though I defended on Thursday, I was still so emotional over the whole ordeal. I promptly cried after getting the pass and then cried when my partner came home, and then spent the weekend crying too. I’m not ~hormonal~ or anything. It was just such a torrent of emotional devastation hitting me. Realizations just kept coming in waves: I wrote a thesis. It’s about to be published. I’m one class away from finishing my requirements. I’ll have another degree under my belt. My informal teaching job ends. I won’t see those students again. I won’t see my advisor again, for some time.

Just. Yikes.

I feel less emotional today, Monday. New week, and, actually, last two weeks of the semester before finals begin. One more conference paper to go, and I’m in the clear.

On the downside, apartment hunting is going pretty terribly aha. We’ve looked at seven places so far, and the one we really liked and had everything we wanted is a bit out of our price range. Worse than that is the fact that the building is full of college kids, and the lobby guy gave us the inside scoop that the hallways/communal areas can get loud and hectic. That’s definitely not the vibe we want, even if the apartment has everything.

We applied to two apartments; one is a 12? story building, very different from the garden style walk up we’re in now. And then we applied to another garden style. I am more excited with the first building because it’s definitely a lot more secure. There’s a lobby check in, cameras everywhere, and reserved parking with a small fee. Also, the leasing agent was the only one who was extremely thorough with EVERYTHING. I know in the age of COVID, self guided tours are a thing and we almost always opted for self guided tours, but she did her homework. She said she had some time, decided to tag along if we were okay with it, which we were, she kept more than enough distance, and basically gave us all the ins and outs of the building. She pointed out amenities and cameras, and was up front about any parking fees/amenity fees we’d have to pay. She waited very patiently outside each apartment we saw, gave us details and measurements, printed all the floor plans, STAPLED THEM, gave us a paper application and said we can apply online too. She was also just a funny person.

I’m not saying every leasing agent has to put their health at risk for us to see an apartment, but majority of apartments we saw, we didn’t even get a printed floor plan, brochure, or even an estimate on rent. They just told us to go online and check the prices there; but when we did go online, the unit we saw in person was not the unit online. Sometimes, you just can’t beat a good salesperson.

We’re also considering the garden style apartment. We live in a garden style now, and we like it, but parking is always a problem, and like I’ve said here many times before, my neighbors hate me. That leasing agent was also very nice to us too. She asked to tag along and she did her bit, and she took us around the small community. It’s definitely a much older building compared to these fancy high rises, but she assured us that maintenance and the leasing office staff are reliable.

We’re only moving about eight miles to a new neighborhood, but I already like this new neighborhood better. For the last two years, I’ve been in a predominately white neighborhood; prior to that, I’ve always lived in minority, low income neighborhoods. Being racially attacked/harassed several times these last two years, and having none of our neighbors talk to us, and enduring all the stares my partner and I get as an interracial couple... and honestly, a lot of other things make me exhausted. The minute we walked out of the car and walked through the new neighborhood, people were saying “hi” to me. While on tours, the existing tenants made small talk with my partner AND myself. Can’t tell you how often I go to my leasing office now, and they talk at my partner, but not me. I think we will be better off in this new neighborhood; it might not have all the razzle dazzle of where we are now, but at least I’ll feel like a human being.

#personal #journal

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kylekozmikdeluxo · 3 years

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RIP Blue Sky Studios...

Established in February 1987... Iconic commercials, early innovation in CGI, packed to the brim with top talent, a rare East Coast-based house, and one of the first studios in a post-Don Bluth age to really challenge Disney and Pixar in the feature animation field...

Gone.

Once a subsidiary of 20th Century Fox, The Walt Disney Company had them since early 2019 after the acquisition of their parent company. It looked as if Disney was going to keep them around, despite already having two powerhouse animation studios making family features for them. I wondered back in the day if Disney could rebrand Blue Sky as a sort-of outre little studio that did more experimental, quirky fare as opposed to the more digestible works of Disney Animation and Pixar.

Even before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, signs were rather troubling. Despite a management change, you had the rather ho-hum marketing for SPIES IN DISGUISE. To me, Disney sort-of let that one disappear between FROZEN II and STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER. I found SPIES IN DISGUISE to be a fun little movie, with a timely pacifist message and memorable gags. Sadly, it did not make its money back. Even more troubling was the constant delaying of NIMONA, an adaptation of Noelle Stevenson’s webcomic of the same name from FEAST and PEARL director Patrick Osborne. From the rumblings I’ve heard, it looked to be an innovative CG film and a next-level family film in general. Like a next SPIDER-VERSE. It was to be released January 14, 2022. 70% of the film was completed by this point... It is no longer a reality, Blue Sky is done...

450+ animators and staffers out of a job during an awful worldwide crisis...

Why couldn’t The Walt Disney Company just sell off Blue Sky Studios to a distributor looking for more animation to stock up on? If they didn’t need more than two animation studios (see the shuttering of their own Disneytoon Studios in early 2018), why shutter them and wait so long to do so? I know that absorbing competition and killing it is nothing new, but this is **expletive** for a multitude of reasons. Multiple talent out of a job, more movies and work squashed, a nearly-completed film likely dead. (It would be great if it was instead on the market, so that someone could snatch it up and complete it, but we shall see...)

Blue Sky Studios were no slouches. ICE AGE established them, big time. In fact, I’d say they helped show the industry that the features world wasn’t just Disney’s game anymore. Disney had seen rivals in feature animation in the past, notably Don Bluth and Ralph Bakshi, but they continued through the decades while Bluth and Bakshi’s feature opportunities waned. Blue Sky, alongside DreamWorks and a fledgling Sony Pictures Animation, changed that, and they were here to stay. And it’s quite sad that Disney had to acquire this notable studio and shut them down, they would’ve thrived elsewhere because of the success of their previous work and the amount of talent they have/had over the years.

They have a pretty distinct body of work, too. ROBOTS, HORTON HEARS A WHO!, RIO, EPIC, THE PEANUTS MOVIE, FERDINAND, SPIES IN DISGUISE. Some of them, I’d argue, were quite innovative. ICE AGE stabbed at cartoony, Looney Tunes-esque humor and visual design. The work in that movie rung more Warner Bros. than it did Disney or something more naturalistic in design. Their later work embraced that kind of outlook as well, but you started seeing other studios doing this as well: DreamWorks with MADAGASCAR, Sony Animation with OPEN SEASON and CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS, and so on. The antithesis to the ever-more-realistic Pixar styles. Then Blue Sky just straight up redefined the computer animated feature with THE PEANUTS MOVIE, which not only kept the comic strip aesthetic of Charles Schulz’s iconic characters and world, but adapted them to a computer animated world while doing something new in the process. PEANUTS MOVIE, along with similar pictures like THE BOOK OF LIFE and CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS, are indeed stepping stones to SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE and what lies beyond that feature. In short, Blue Sky played a big part in computer animation showing that it didn’t just have to look like Pixar movies, or most other computer animated works that were out at the time of ICE AGE’s early 2002 release.

Who knows where that could’ve all gone. NIMONA looked to be something new and exciting, something to really push things forward and widen the computer animation canvas. A musical called FOSTER also sounded like it had potential. When TWDC acquired 20th Century Fox (now 20th Century Studios), Fox Animation in general had several animated films in development, hoping to branch out beyond their one studio... All of that seemingly died after the Disney acquisition, with only Blue Sky and a couple of Fox primetime TV-showed based movies (i.e. THE BOB’S BURGERS MOVIE, another - and inevitable - SIMPSONS picture) left. Now Blue Sky is gone. More animation, gutted. And for what? Disney didn’t have to do this...

It’s even more egregious when you consider where Disney was in 1991... As opposed to now, 2021...

Think of this... Under the controversial Michael Eisner, The Walt Disney Company was willing to sink a massive amount of money into a project that had already been cancelled. Said project was given to blockbuster king Steven Spielberg, hit director Robert Zemeckis, and animation mastermind Richard Williams. This was not even a few years after Disney was a quiet establishment being circled by corporate raiders that could’ve ended them for good... And what came of it. WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT. An innovative animation-live action hybrid movie for a more adult audience. One of the biggest films of 1988, a bonafide blockbuster that Disney hadn’t seen in years, and more than lit the fuse of animation’s 2nd Golden Age.

Then, in 1990, a former animator of theirs turned big-time director realizes that a short story he wrote while at the company was still owned by them. That man was Tim Burton, and he expressed interest in revisiting that poem. A studio was set up, with similarly outre director and former Disney animator Henry Selick taking the helm. The result was an innovative stop-motion film that leaned more towards horror and German expressionism than something like BEAUTY AND THE BEAST did. The result was THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS in 1993. A respectable hit then, an iconic classic today. Without NIGHTMARE, would have ever gotten future stop-motion efforts like CHICKEN RUN and everything Laika has made?

Finally, in 1991, Disney makes a three-picture deal with a small computer graphics studio based out of Marin County. One of their main guys was a former Disney animator as well, similarly outed for being too ambitious. Their plan? Make the world’s first all computer-animated movie. That studio was Pixar, their first movie was TOY STORY. Need I say more?

The Disney of today would’ve never in these three instances. Blue Sky could’ve been their chance to really make some kind of a splash in a post-SPIDER-VERSE world. Various shorts made at Disney Animation (including Osborne’s own FEAST) suggested this, and some Pixar shorts as well... But nothing really came of this. In terms of features being put out by Disney Animation and Pixar, only parts of MOANA, INSIDE OUT, and SOUL put this kind of thing in a long-form format. Blue Sky, who operated on smaller budgets, could’ve been their arm for more experimental feature animation. I say this because while Disney doesn’t need to hog up animation, Blue Sky was owned by them, and I felt the best way to go about this was to re-establish them as a more experimental studio. Make the most of it, you know? But no, they had to shut it all down.

When a studio shuts down, I feel a chunk of the animation world is just broken right off... While some of the artists are apparently being welcomed into various Disney houses, it sucks to see a studio with its own identity and output gone. Of course, my hope is that everyone employed there will have somewhere to go by April (when the studio shuts down completely) and that maybe, just maybe a new studio could be formed up from the remains. (Think Don Bluth setting up shop upon his departure from Disney in 1979.) Somebody has to get their happy ending, right? I know it’s moot asking for such a thing in this hellscape business of massive octopus conglomerates engulfing everything into their eight tentacles, but...

I wish everyone involved well, and that they’ll prosper afterwards. I certainly hope the 3/4 completed NIMONA doesn’t remain unfinished. (Netflix? Someone?) I hope to see some good come out of this...

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