#but I can't make it more comprehensible

[dawntainbobbynash]

How is he?

#911verse #911edit #bobbynashedit #bobby nash #norman peterson #911 #mine. #gifs #bobby #i might make a more comprehensive set of them after 7x03 but for now have this #bc i can't stop thinking about norman clinging to bobby's hand and bobby rubbing his shoulder #they weren't supposed to be this personal to me and now i need them to be besties after this

[lemonhemlock]

not to be a hater on main but i just stumbled on a tik tok claiming that tsh both takes itself too seriously and could use more absurd comedy and it nearly made me punch a wall

#my quest to find agreeable creators on booktok and booktube leaves me v frustrated sometimes #!!! i accept no criticism of this book #but even without stan goggles on how can say with your entire chest that tsh takes itself too seriously #when it literally makes fun of 'dark academia' types TO YOUR FACE #which is ironic for the book that spawned the entire genre #it's a comedy of manners at the very least #'this book that contains copious amounts of absurdly comedic situations and makes fun of pretentious twits obsessed with aesthetics #could use more absurd comedy and is not satirical enough' #recognising those basic building blocks of the text does NOT even mean to have to like it?? #i hate to be bringing the Reading Comprehension debate again but good lord. and this person claims to have a phd in literature too 🤦‍♀️ #i am so over this pretense at criticism that basically boils down to 'i didn't like this thing so i can't be seen to admit it executes #anything well. so instead i'm going to pretend basic obvious techniques in the text don't exist and peddle it as groundbreaking critique' #stuff like recognising basic genre. what happened to that. #i don't like The Hangover either but it would be very strange to call it anything other than a comedy #the secret history #donna tartt #again you don't even have to like the book!!! #I'M SORRY BUT IT MADE ME WANT TO RANT SO BAD #livresque #booktok and booktube are satan's garden

[kenobihater]

you ever write up a combination of words you're really proud of at the time bc you think it's vivid but it's actually so atrocious that you remember it eight years later bc it's burned itself into your long-term memory? just me?

#i'm literally laughing my entire ass off rn. i can't believe i found this fic i wrote at 15 and orphaned when i came to my senses abt both #my complete inability and total aversion to writing first person as well as the fact that the english language should never have been #subjected to its words being done dirty like this 😭 #also i straight up fucking LIED in the authors note??? i said i'd broken my knee as a kid which is categorically false. i fell down some #stairs and banged it up and it's a tiny bit weak ig but i didn't break it? all any teens born after y2k know is eat hot chip and lie... #still not over the first line... the flip flop bit i remembered but i'd COMPLETELY forgotten 'a shriek seeped out of my throat'. girl. what. #how does a shriek seep exactly? the world may never know... #and the use of 'groped' is also sending me 😭 AND 'crash bash whump thump' girlllll send help holy shit i can't stop coughing & laughing #the rest of the fic isn't quite this bad but it's very purple yet ineloquent and rough. it's a good reminder of how much i've improved and #honestly i'd rather read this utterly amature fic bc it's at least charming in its lack of skill rather than infuriating like some of my #oneshots that are still on my page bc they're more comprehensible but just bad enough to make me cringe. getting mad at this oneshot would #be like getting bad at a kid's stick figure drawing. like. it's just kinda cute to see someone starting out on their creative journey #my old sw oneshots on the other hand are like the awkward growing pains of puberty. you just can't help but wince at the reminder #this is okay to reblog btw bc it's objectively hilarious and i don't mind ppl finding humor in it #len speaks

[synthaphone]

The Pokemon HOME app limiting random features and information to either the mobile or console versions is SO clunky and annoying.

My goal: to check which of my favorite Pokemon and shinies stored in HOME don't have the Paldea Champion Ribbon yet, so I can bring those into Scarlet and get it for them. But! You can only view what ribbons a Pokemon has on the mobile version of the software! And you can't move Pokemon to your switch games from mobile!!! So you have to:

quit out of the console app, if you opened it already because you thought this would be a relatively simple task

open the app on mobile

manually document which Pokemon don't have the ribbon- like, on a piece of paper or something

close the mobile app (you can't have both versions of the app open simultaneously)

open the app on console

move them from HOME into Scarlet, referring to aforementioned list

Now you might say "There is a custom tag feature in Pokemon HOME! You could apply a tag to the Pokemon you plan to move instead of making a physical note on a piece of paper!" But unfortunately, the only aspect of the tag you can see on the console version is the color- the name of the tag isn't visible. and I'm already using every color of tag available

(also: you can only make and apply tags on mobile. other mobile exclusive things: wonder trade and gts, viewing 90% of achievements, viewing models, switching between a pokemon's stats for different games it can go in without switching what game you're planning on moving things between)

#pokemon home #pokemon #i need a text post tag #i have more complaints too. i should make a comprehensive list. just for me #like: shinies don't have any symbol marking them as such on the GTS. so for the really subtle shinies? you just have to look REAL careful #whenever you import pokemon from Bank they automatically get tagged with a new tag with the name of the Box that they were imported from #which is maybe useful to somebody but its just super annoying for me to have to keep deleting the 'Kanto 1' tag from all of my Bank imports #the lighting in the model viewer is really fucking bad and makes the pokemon look flat and undefined #overlapping areas that are the same color blend together visually #for that matter; the HOME renders are really fucking ugly. compare them to the sugi art they're posed after sometime. terrakion. its WILD #the lag when moving between pages of boxes on the console version when you have a lot of pokemon stored in HOME is MISERABLE #the mobile app and console app have different sets of achievements that are only viewable on their respective apps???? its weird #can't reorder pokemon's box positions on mobile; you just get a big list that you can sort different ways #this doesn't affect their box placement at all #the tags seem really useful at first but if you're moving pokemon between HOME and games a lot? #you have to reapply the tags to those pokemon every time you put them back in HOME because that data is lost once they leave the app #they never fixed the Spinda problem with BDSP; they just made it so that you can't bring Spinda in or out of those games

[skydigiblogs]

oh my god i just got to the pinnochimon's dangerous game episode (43)

oh my god you all were not kidding about that puppet packing heat

#sky talks #digimon #digimon adventure #the amount of out of context screenshots i just sent to our brother #i know it's serious in-text but i couldn't stop laughing jknfdsjkbfsdfs #like god damn how the hell did the dub manage to get around that at ALL?? #i also know the stylistic contrast of Cute Cartoony Characters vs that's just a real ass gun is like #an artistic choice that the creators probably made #because again the text of the episode pretty explicitly shows that pinochimon doesn't really care about the consequences of shooting people #i doubt it's naivete so much as a lack of comprehension for the lives of others being more than “toys” to him #especially seeing his insecurities when tk calls him out on not having a single friend #and then when he “makes” a friend it's explicitly a doll shaped after him #because he's the only person he could see himself being a friend to #i always have such mixed feelings about the dark master's arc for reasons that this rewatch might actually remedy #but pinochimon's arc was always interesting in that it's one of few arcs in the original series that isn't super subtle about paralleling #one of the digidestined's current crises #like sub or dub it's super obvious that pinochimon is an inverse of yamato's crest of friendship #and by extension yamato himself #insecurity and a lack of trust in other people is what drives them both to suffer #yamato because he can't seem to imagine others in the group caring for his brother as much as he can #(which is a long-term issue but ramps up again in the dark master's arc unsurprisingly) #pinochimon because he can't trust any other digimon to be his equals #if anything pinochimon #along with all the dark masters #are like coworkers not friends #anyways #it's still extremely fucking jarring seeing that puppet boy packing heat

[bougiebutchbitch]

Okay but Kakashi is canonically attracted to women and that shouldn't be ignored. Ignoring that is biphobia.

:breathes in deeply through nose:

Buddy.

I am a grey-ace, grey-aro, non-binary, genderfluid transmasc lesbian. Because I exist at a point of contradiction lmao.

But still, every one in approximately three-hundred-and-forty-nine dudes, I think 'yeah, I'd bang him'.

I call myself a lesbian because that's easier than saying 'I only want to bang one in approximately three-hundred-and-forty-nine dudes, and then it's often tied to my gender identity - when I lean very, very masc, I'm more into men.'

Some people, in my situation, would describe themselves as 'bisexual with a strong preference for women'. I find 'lesbian' easier shorthand, since my identity is already so fucking complex and hard to distill into LabelsTM.

That's the point: identity is complex.

There are self-described gay men out there who have loved and been sexually attracted to women, in some way or another, at different points in their lives. It doesn't make them any less gay. Insinuating that it does actually leans dangerously towards 'gold star'ism, which is shitty as heck.

Gay, bisexual, pansexual, lesbian... All these labels can be as narrow and restrictive or as broad and encompassing as you personally interpret them to be. They're often seen as singular pinpoints, stuck along a spectrum of queer desire that ranges from 'attracted to men' to 'attracted to women'. But if you look at those pinpoints from another angle, you will realise that they actually exist in three dimensions, and contain far more identities and nuances than you or I could ever imagine.

This isn't to say that labels don't have meaning. They have very strong meaning to some people!

But especially to those of us who fall between the cracks of the L, the B, the G, the T, and the A, that meaning is blurry. And that's beautiful.

I headcanon Kakashi as gay because, as far as I remember, he mentioned over the course of about five separate lines in one relatively obscure and not-especially-well-written novel that he found a single, minor female character attractive. He had a fleeting yet strong, confusing attraction to a woman, which he never acted on, and which was never mentioned again.

That isn't incompatible with him identifying as gay. Quite the opposite in fact, lol. I know many gay men who've had a similar experience.

If this concept offends you, I would like to refer you to this post for further reading.

#kakashi #:drops face into hands and screams: #I am BEGGING queer youth to learn that not everything has to fit into clearly defined boxes #especially when those boxes are more often than not #built to categorise us in a way that makes us comprehensible to the cishets lol #I can't believe I am imparting this lesson on a fandom shipping post but here we go

[uncanny-tranny]

Two questions: First of all, do I as an enby count as trans? I don't think so, or do I?

Second question: I'm an amab enby. I often feel like I don't belong in queer spaces because I feel like I'm a predator and a danger, because I was raised and socialized as male. And the last thing I want to do is to make my fellow queer people feel uncomfortable because "a man" is in their space. How do I feel with this?

If you don't identify with your expected gender/sex either in part or in whole, then you can call yourself trans if you'd like. A trans person is anybody who's gender transcends expectations, in my opinion. You don't have to use the trans label, but just know that you aren't excluded - your interests align with us. Your dreams and hopes and experiences are shared amongst so many others. This community is not for just one type of trans person. It is for us all.

Can I be honest? As a trans man*, I relate with the last part of what you're saying, about feeling like a predator. So many spaces do feel unwelcoming in that aspect, but in my experience, it isn't because you are predatory. It's because people are holding onto strict gender essentialism which says that men and "men" are dangerous. Gender essentialism is just as toxic as sex essentialism, and it does suck that many people ascribe prescriptive definitions onto people. I've found that "male and female" socialization has stopped being terms which describes a particular experience and has become something which has no nuance, and which means that "trans people will always be [assumed biological sex]".

I think the best way around this is to put yourself and safety first. I used to be in spaces like the ones you said, and it made me even more paranoid. I went out if my way to be the direct opposite of "predatory" to the point where I let people deny my manhood. I know you aren't a man, and I hope it doesn't come across like I am saying you are. But I think you and I have similar feelings about this.

Please, I know you're in a tough spot emotionally, but I want you to know you're worthy of respect. If you want to be in trans and queer spaces, you should feel welcome. Enby people who were amab are not predatory. You lot are some of the bravest, most kind, most compassionate people I have had the pleasure of knowing. Others are not entitled to making you feel like shit simply because of who you are.

#ask #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #the only people who are hurt by the idea that 'man = predator' is literally all of us #i hope this is comprehensible lol if not i can elaborate/clarify #i just hate the 'socialized male/female' for this reason #it makes too many assumptions about a person's history and then ascribes that history to your present #such as the idea that those socialized male are 'uniquely predatory'... #...and that that socialization means you're more likely to be predatory even if you are not a man... #...how exactly does that help even IF it were magically true? #if you wanna call yourself trans then DO IT /gen pos #labels aren't rewards for being worthy enough for them. you can use them no matter what #you don't need my approval nor anybody else's #and if somebody disapproves what exactly can they do? they can't banish you from transgenderland

[lunaviathan]

Totally didn’t ignore absolutely everything for the past three days just to ravenously consume 400,000 words worth of One Singular Transformers Fic

#I haven't been into transformers for YEARS #mostly cus tfp and rescue bots ended #but holy hell this fic was amazing #and for a canon mash-up it was really comprehensible since I've only watched two of the shows #It makes me want to check a03 for more #but I've looked around for tfp soundwave stuff and all I got was shipping #but ANYWAY #the whole thing was basically one big worldbuilding info dump and it was Great #I can't wait for the last chapter to go up! #I can't tell if these tags are comprehensible at all and I'm not varifying that #so #Lunav talks #Lunav talks in the tags addition #transformers #tfp #maccadam #I think?

[soulsxng]

Main muses that Nyl will have his mask off around (percentage in parenthesis is for how often)

- Jaspern: Tried to kill Jas one time, and they've been buddies ever since. (75/25) - JJ: He's known JJ since the kid was in the womb tbh. (50/50) - Melchior: If he's around Io, his mask is off. Always. Used to be engaged. (100/0) - Darrow: Least close of the drinking buddies. They bicker a lot, but if you talk shit about either of them, they're immediately reaming you for it. (50/50. Maybe 60/40) - Pythius: Met officially through Io, though Nyl had done work for Py before that. Chaos bros. (75/25) - Eleare: Kind of depends on if they're currently "hit it" or "quit it" at the moment. (40/60) - Niesal: If Nyl ever claimed he had an actual protege, it would be Nesa (50/50)

Other: - Ellaria: His daughter. Very few people know about her though. He rarely wears a mask around her. (90/10) - Arrebu, his grandson. Very expressive with the baby. SO expressive with the baby. It's precious and I live for it. Even fewer people know about Boo, though. (90/10) - Zahine. They're murder buddies. Also that was...sort of gonna be his in law for a little bit there. (75/25) - Eluvias is his unofficial little brother. Again, was gonna be his in law for a minute. (90/10) - The ex-Elyki members that now work for Io, too. He's been working with all of them for a long time, now. (40/60) - Alteo...similar to Eleare, depends on if they're fucking. Unlike Eleare, Nyl actually gets along with Teo outside of sex, though. (70/30) - Tee, Alteo's son. He's known Tee since he was a baby. (50/50) - If he's having sex with someone, the mask is off. That's also kind of the exception to the last post too, in that people he's sleeping with have seen him more expressive than he usually is.

#[Vanyllo -headcanons-] #(and out of all like...200 gd muses...this *is* an almost comprehensive list #That's literally 18 people aside from the sex thing which doesn't count because he usually doesn't sleep with people more than once #so it can't be counted asldkfn #also the Ella and Boo one always makes me laugh #because Ella is married and has been for a while now #But Nyl doesn't like him-- or his dad whom is Nyl's mortal rival in live lmao-- so he makes a point to NEVER take his mask off around them) #(also because I know it's going to get some raised brows #yeah Io and Nyl dated for quite a while #And then they were engaged...for all of about 3 days #at which point Nyl got cold feet and backed out)

[bejeweledmp3]

EVERYTIME. i go to twitter for fandom stuff. i remember why one should never go to twitter for fandom stuff lmao

#the things you will see there. people blatantly missing the point and being loud and annoying #and talking about discourse and getting into discourse and showing some of the most base level lack of empathy or comprehension opinions #shit is bad here but oh god. that site brings out the worst in people #talking tag; #also on another note the more i think about it the less genuine it feels for the tv versions of joel and ellie #to not speak for a full two years lmao #it doesn't i mean it probably didn't in the game but it DEFINITELY doesn't in the show those two are Attached they are everything they care #about in the world #i can absolutely see ellie getting pissed etc etc #but two years of silence???? shut up #literally They Would Not Fucking Do That #i still think that REDACTED is happening and it will hurt just as much #also i already feel bad for whoever is cast as abby like!!!! it's going to get uhhh not good #i do think they'll try to keep pedro around for longer if anything for emotional attachment also that's pedro pascal you can't do REDACTED #to him just like that ep 1 or 2 and expect people to just. take it #i'm curious about how they'll adapt part two because you KNOW hbo is aware about it being divisive #which is Bad for your big money making audience growing show #there's just so much at stake with a big hbo profuction i'm curious how that will change things (if it does) #just. i dunno i still don't think i'll be able to watch that shit happen #and people in twitter definitely don't help!!!! lol lol #i'm tagging this just in case. but yeah #the last of us spoilers #tlou spoilers

[zeta-in-de-walls]

hiii wait are you the same one from the yt channel zeta in the walls? if you are i wanna thank you, your channel is awesome, i was just scrolling through tumblr and i recognized your name i hope this isnt weird, also i wanted to ask you, do you just download the streams tommys in or screen record it and what do you use to screen record it, have a nice day/night

Hey! Yes that's my youtube channel. I started it as a one-off to record an obscure appearance from Tommy on a smaller streamer's stream, just to archive it basically for myself. Then to my utter surprise the vid actually got a lot of views and I just decided to do every Tommy appearance from then on as I realised the clip channels might let me down.

It's pretty low-effort on my part, I just post unedited segments and don't worry about thumbnails or anything. I usually discover streams happening from someone mentioning it on tumblr or an updates account. I'm glad people like it though!

So yeah, if it's on twitch, I use a little program called twitchleecher which lets you download a segment of a VOD and specify the timestamps. Occasionally I've grabbed stuff from youtube channels, for that I've so far just screenrecorded.

#replies #cheers for the ask! #also do check out the playlists on my channel #it contains a hopefully comprehensive list of all tommy content #honestly i started the channel to fill up the playlists better #no more looking through a four hour vod to find a twenty minute tommy appearance #and now there's vids on my channel you can't see anywhere else #scary thought xD #sorry to ramble I quite like discussing the channel #it is surprisingly little effort to make it work #especially now when we're in an actual tommy drought #usually when we complain about lack of tommy content he's actually about at least in other people's streams

[pearl-kite]

Okay finished the phone screen interview, and I think it went well but that won't matter if I didn't pass the screening tests, which the lady didn't seem to know I had already completed, so we'll see

Good news, right before that I got a call to set up an interview for a more local position, so things are going all right

My side hurts 🙃

#kite rambles #mostly just hurts if I move wrong #or breathe too deep #idk if it's cracked or bruised but it SUCKS either way #anyway apparently the next step is a 'more comprehensive interview' #that would take around 4 hours 😶 #like interviewing multiple different people and maybe giving a presentation? idk man can't I just... like... get the job blease #but I am happy to hear back from the local one too #though she said they got a lot of highly qualified applications #which... makes sense #when I went to talk to the union president of the school district about resigning #he said that he'd been talking to one person or another about possible resignations every week or two #so like #yikes #OW #idk how I didn't fuck up my shoulder or hit my head but I guess just a rib is better than it could have been #I didn't get to go get my coffee though and now I'm sleepy v_v #gonna go get coffee now

[frodolives]

1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...

🧔🏻‍♂️ queerqueg Follow

the franklin expedition is dead as hell

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan

10,558 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all

#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh

659 notes

🎨 asherbrowndurand

Just painted this

2 notes

ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927

RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed

🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow

HERITAGE POST

📝 shakespearesforehead Follow

How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol

82,170 notes

🌄 loyalromantic Follow

poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/

#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect

6,884 notes

🎀 thefopdiaries Follow

I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling

📜 bartlebi-thescrivener

i think i hauve consumption

112 notes

🐋 whaler4life

They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME

11 notes

🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow

I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense

#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo

56 notes

🤵🏻‍♂️ byronicherotournament Follow

🙈 butchbronte Follow

Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep

🙈 butchbronte Follow

I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

And? God forbid women do anything

#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily

8,027 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon

#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting

522 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH

#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....

2,309 notes

⭐️ newamerican

Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol

#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure

0 notes

[dan-sing-in-the-rain]

Okay- this might not be mind-blowing to other people, but my friend just told me something I had never considered. When you are in a group conversation and you are bored with the topic, instead of going into your head to entertain yourself, you can learn about the other people by watching how they engage with it. Apparently that is a pro-social move!

I normally, if bored with a conversation, completely leave mentally, but apparently this is visible on my face and though I don't like being rude like that, I can't be interested if I have nothing to do. So, if you find a different aspect to be interested in than the actual conversation topic, you can look attentive without having to feign interest!

#my usual idea is that if they are entertaining each other and i don't care about the thing it harms no one if i don't engage #but apparently it makes people feel bad if you disengage with their conversation even if there are other people involved #and i don't like to make people feel bad #but i certainly don't like to talk about boring things #so human observation is the new frontier! #i usually analyze people's phonetics and lexical ambiguities or fun syntactical/morphological constructions if i am bored #but in groups too many people are talking and i can't do that with the listening comprehension it requires #so- new game to play! #kind of excited to test this out and see if it works #it might actually save some of my relationships if i can look more compellingly interested

[girlscience]

Well, I went from 970 words to 1203 words and the order is better and a lot of editing was done (went up to ~1500 words for a bit and edited back down), but wow I can't focus for shit. This paper is still definitely not the quality it needs to be and for trying to work on it for about 9 hours today and only ending up here, I am honestly super disappointed with myself. I have never been the fastest writer, but this is abysmal. I will not make it through grad school if I can't write papers.

#I apparently have very little ability to make myself write without a lot of external pressure #because even though I have a deadline for this.... if I don't do it nobody but me will really care #I have to be doing it for myself and my life #and apparently that's not sufficient motivation to get past how much I don't like writing #which is DUMB #I write on here all the time. I write huge dissertation type messages about stories I like #I write whole documents on worldbuilding that I'm doing #I also think I'm very much out of practice with writing unfortunately #and my last memory of writing papers is reallllly terrible (senior year end of semester covid and being at home fucked me over) #and I think all of that is compounding on top the fact my attention span is smaller than it used to be #and so it's like trying to herd cats just to type a fucking comprehensible paragraph #I know I spent probably 7 of my 9 hours on the computer today on youtube or tumblr #and I probably spent 1 hour just staring at the document #I just want my brain to WORK #I don't know how to make it WORK #productivity hacks really don't help much... I am think I need to try the boredom one more though #that was definitely what got me to make calls and write emails the past couple weeks #maybe I can make it work for this. I just have to get up the discipline to not get on another website #the hack is basically 'if I won't do this thing I need to do I just have to sit here till the boredom is so strong I'll do anything' #so you can't get on another website or clean or listen to music or anything #just sit until your brain is screaming that it will do ANYTHING to not be bored #and so it forces you to do the thing because at least that's doing SOMETHING #but it does mean I have to be strong enough to not do anything else #which has mixed results. but it has worked a little bit so I guess we'll try that this week more

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

#hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #analysis #dissociation #look idk what to tell you all #I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense #when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations #he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything #literally I've been there #the difference between him and me tho #is that he can't show it #he's the king of hell #he has to bluff his way through conversations #but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind #and watch him reply to the things he DID catch #anyways #NEW BLORBO???? #who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel #and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character #I love him #he's so sad