#but i feel a little better

[tloubraininfection]

I`ve discovered recently that I have a violent heart and since I’m also nothing if not petty I did a thing. In honor of this great revelation I went episode by episode scouring for each and every act of violence Ellie commits hoping to find evidence, that I clearly must have missed, of that famous violent heart that makes her so similar to a murderous cannibal p*dofile and here are my finds:

Also please bare in mind that some of these are a little farfetched, I really tried to be fair and thorough. I also divided them into categories to better illustrate my point:

Self-defense: Episode 1: Ellie attacks Joel with the knife Ellie attacks the guard with the knife Episode 7: Ellie attacks Riley thinking she`s an intruder Ellie kills the stalker with the knife

Episode 8: everything that happens in this episode is self-defense period

Joel-defense (or other people-defense): Episode 4: Ellie shoots Bryan

Episode 5: Ellie kills two clickers with the knife

Episode 6: Ellie shoots at those cannibal dudes at the university

Ambiguous: Episode 6: Ellie threatens the older couple with a gun and is technically sort of robbing them? I mean, it’s not exactly violent, but there is a gun and some tough guy posturing so I guess? And it was technically not exactly 100% necessary.

Episode 7: She smashes some cabinets in the Halloween Store out of anger and fear. I see is as valid, but I guess it can be viewed as violent

Concerning: Episode 3: Ellie cuts into an infected and then stubs him with the knife

Episode 7: Ellie beats the leaving daylights out of Bethany and puts her in the infirmary. I think its important to note it was provoked, but yes it was still excessive and very violent.

Out of all 12 instances 8 are in either self or Joel defense, 2 are bordering on something, but not quite there and only 2 can be really qualified as excessively violent and disconcerting. 2 in the span of 8 episodes covering some few months of the story. And those 2 are also the only 2 instances when she is shown having no regret, there is also no negative aftermath etc. All the others seem to weigh heavily on her.

So where exactly is this violent-hearted person? The person we are supposed to love, but also fear? Yeah, its yet another brilliant quote from the podcast:

“David says something to her that absolutely true because he sees it in her because he knows it's in him, he says, ‘you have a violent heart,’ and that is something Neil and I talked about quite a bit because it’s not in the game, that line. As much as we love her, we also have to be a little scared of her.”

They are talking about a 14-year-old stuck in a literal cage, 14-year old who is about to go through the most harrowing experience a 14-year old could possibly endure. This is the face of that violent person you are supposed to fear:

She’s just a little girl and she`s barely standing. She`s just left the gates of hell where she`s narrowly avoided r*pe and murder. She looks like she`s about to fall apart and she actually does seconds later. The moment she knows she`s safe in her fathers arms, shes gone. And it’s going to take her a long to come back from it, I can guarantee you. She’s a traumatized, exhausted child in need of comfort, support and care. She makes me want to save her, help her, wrap her in a blanket and make her a tea. I’m not scared of her, I sob for her, I rage for her and everything she had to go through.

And here`s a thing, if you want your character to have that edge, to be more morally grey, to have that penchant for violence-bordering-on-sadism – more power to you. But you have to commit to it, you have to actually SHOW me exactly that. Show me that character being disturbingly violent, show them enjoying it, show them unhinged. If you present me with a terrified, traumatized feral baby kitten on screen, but then you go on you precious podcast and talk about how "well actually" she’s a violent-hearted monster I should fear you just sound like those televangelists brainwashing people into thinking exactly what you want them to think. And I for one refuse to be gaslit again.

At this point I feel the creators want to have that cake and eat it to. They want fun, goofy, sweet Ellie from the first game, because that’s the character everyone fell in love with, but they are also super desperate to do some build up for the second game. Because contrary to all that Neil says the second game is not a natural progression of the first. It’s a complete departure from it. And those two Ellies are not the same character. And the changes in the show only prove that.

Lastly I feel this portrayal of what trauma and what it does to a person is not only untrue, it’s also damaging to all those who went through similar ordeal and lived to tell the tale. Only to learn that actually, they have a violent heart, or that it unlocked something in them, or that they are the same as their abuser, because they used force to defend themselves.

Why does it have to be all of nothing? Why can’t Ellie be violent when the situation calls for it without it becoming the central part of her character? Why can’t it be about what it actually is? Trauma, fight or flight responses, survival, PTSD?  Why does she have to be a violent person and not just a person, s human reacting to the would around her? Violence as self-preservation, unavoidable part of this awful world, not an evil manifestation of her true self. And what are they even trying to say here? That some people are born more violent? That only those violent ones are going to react a certain way? How she reacts to danger and trauma is not an Ellie things it’s a human thing. And if Ellie has a violent heart we all do, but then, what does that even mean?

#Ellie doesn’t have a violent heart #she has a human heart #i had to somehow process all this #still not quite done fuming about it #but i feel a little better #i swear Neil Druckmann is going to be my villain origin story #also not listening to another podcast ever again #for mental health #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #tlou hbo spoilers #the last of us hbo spoilers #ellie Williams #TW: SA #TW: trauma

[su-alteza-emia]

Guess who's back

Back again.

Tomorrow will start my winter break so i guess I'm back

#phantom needs to shut up🪄 #Still #enver's dying🥀 #But i feel a little better

[softsnzstuff]

Hope you feel better kb!!

Thank you thank you! 😭🙏🏻 Feeling less nauseous rn. About to eat food for the first time today and also like shower and then just lay in bed until I fall asleep 🤡

But doing much better than a few hours ago, heck.

#thanks for checking in! #my head is ✨splitting✨ #but I feel a little better #ask box #Kb speaks

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[hansoeii]

let time pass.

#and the tears come streaming down your face #when you lose something you can't replace #when you love someone but it goes to waste #could it be worse? #Light will guide you home and ignite your bones #and I will try to fix you #thank you tom hiddleston for making fix you the lokius anthem #I'm still in mourning over the loki finale and I had to make something to make myself feel a little better #I hope this can help you a little too #or make it worse #haha #wanted to try something new #loki #lokius #lokius fanart #loki fanart #loki and mobius #loki season 2 #loki season 2 fanart #loki mobius #loki laufeyson #loki god of stories #mobius m. mobius #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #my art #fanart #digital art #lokius comic #loki comic

[itadorey]

good morning tumblr

#gojo fic today #hoping it doesnt flop #still sick #but i feel a little better #i wanna go back to sleep

[sexlapis]

[◉°] … Y/N & TOJI BEING A COUPLE FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT… 537k views

⌦ 🎬 ⁺　　　.　　　　❀

꩜ actor! toji x actress! reader

⤷ synopsis : you & toji deny the dating rumours, but you’re both being a little bit too comfortable with each other for your relationship to be just “platonic”.

sfw, fluff, toji is a little ooc <3

. art credits to deltapork on twitter

.. inspired by this post

… part 2, part 3, part 4

masterlists

actor!toji masterlist

꩜ first clip

you & toji are in an interview, one to promote the upcoming release of the action movie you both star in where you’re the main love interest. it is bound to be a huge success, judging by the interest and how everyone loves the chemistry you and toji have both in and out of film!

the interviewer asks you a question and while you’re responding you can feel someone staring at you. you turn to your left where toji is sitting, and he has his eyes dead set on you, not looking away for one second. you turn your focus back to the interviewer to continue answering, but you can’t help but turn back and see that he is still staring at you with his intense blue eyes. you repeat this a few times before cutting off your own sentence with a giggle and covering your face with your hands.

toji chuckles in confusion, looking at the interviewer and then back at you, bewildered. “what-whats so funny?”

you look at toji with your hands still covering your face. “toji, i can’t concentrate when you look at me like that!”

toji tilts his head, swiftly shifting his chair in your direction and leans closer to you, practically nose to nose at this point. “like what?”

“like that!” you laugh, covering your hot face once more as he and the interviewer laugh at your actions.

the interviewer chimes in. “i do have to say, your eyes can be quite intimidating..”

“see?!” you say to toji and then look to the interviewer. “thank you.”

toji huffs and just looks at you. and you look back at him with a small grin on your face.

you speak. “as i was saying…”

you repeat your response to the question and toji exaggeratedly stares at you and you attempt to ignore it (and fail).

꩜ second clip

this was a behind the scenes clip, where your cast member is speaking about his characters relationship with the other main characters but sadly for him, that is not where the viewers’ attention was.

in the background, they see toji sitting on a couch looking at his phone and then you walking into frame. toji looks up from his phone, and if you look very closely, he can be seen smiling at you. you walk over and plop down on the couch right next to him. you both talk to each other for a few moments, faces close together and then you lay your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and taking what appears to be a nap. toji, moving as slowly as he can, takes a blanket that is already on the couch and drapes of over you. you snuggle closer to him, prompting toji to rest his head on top of yours. he does just that.

꩜ third clip

during an interview with you and the cast members, including toji, in front of a live audience, you somehow found yourselves on the topic of the types of cars you all have. you then remember how toji had told you about a motorcycle he owned, but you forgot which kind.

“i think i wanna ride on toji’s..motorcycle! i think-”

you hear the audience laugh and hear a few wolf whistles and you turn to your fellow actors, who are also laughing, especially gojo. you seem confused, but then you think back to what you said a second ago and feel your face heat up in embarrassment.

“oh, no no nonono-” shaking your head vehemently, “that is not-”

“toji’s motorcycle eh?” gojo teases while raising his eyebrows and wiggling his fingers, which only encourages the mockery and your desire to punch him.

you cover your face with your hand and sigh. “oh my god.”

while everybody in the room makes fun of you, you look to the left to see toji’s reaction and the camera pans to his smug smirking face.

“i mean i’m free friday night so..” he trails off, winks at you and the audience goes crazy and you shove your face in your hands.

“forget i even said anything!”

꩜ fourth clip

you and toji were recording a little vlog like video for the fans, talking about what it was like on set when you get onto the subject of what working with the other cast members is like.

“yeah gojo’s is pain in the ass.” toji states and shakes his head, fondly almost. “never stops running that big mouth ‘a his.”

spits of laughter fall from your mouth at his frankness. “uhh..yeah that’s true, gojo if you see this don’t be offended!”

“yeah we still like you we just..wish you’d shut the fuck up more often.”

“toji!” you gasp and slap his chest, “you’re no spring chicken either you know.”

toji scoffs and looks at you with a raised brow. “yeah, you’re a handful yourself.”

“what? no i’m not!” toji tilts his head and blinks. “everyone says i’m great to work with. you’re such a liar.” you roll your eyes with a laugh.

toji chuckles and moves closer to you on the sofa, and leans towards your face. “no ‘s alright. i have big hands.” he places a kiss on your cheek.

“ew, you’re so corny!” you lean away and wipe away his kiss, trying not to smile and look flustered.

꩜ fifth clip

this was a big day for y/n x toji lovers, when a movie you were both in won an award. now, neither of you were the main characters, but the fans made sure to make you both the most popular ones.

while the director is accepting the award, fans zoomed in on you and toji standing near the back of the group of cast members, where you’re tearing up and trying not to cry. you’re wiping your tears and toji looks at you and does a double take when he realises that you’re crying. he looks down at you and hugs you from the side, which makes you lay your head on his chest and wrap an arm around his waist. toji accepts this invitation and full on hugs you, kissing the top of your head softly and rubbing your back.

꩜ sixth clip

toji posts workout videos on his instagram stories. they’re mostly of him lifting weights and they’re rare, so fans cherish them.

and then theres a short video of you laying on top of toji’s back while he does pushups like it’s nothing. you’re smiling, spreading your arms out like you’re flying. toji suddenly starts going fast as fuck, making you bounce and almost fall off. you gasp and start hitting the back of his head while the person recording starts to laugh (most likely gojo).

you fall off toji’s back and lay on the floor like a starfish. the camera pans to a proud looking toji before you kick his face.

a/n: thank u for reading ^_-

#pls lemme know if you liked i feel like i could’ve done a little better <3 #actress!reader #actor!toji #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji x self insert #toji fluff #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji fushiguro x self insert #toji fushiguro fluff #toji fic #toji fanfic #fushiguro toji x reader #fushiguro toji x you #fushiguro toji fluff #fushiguro toji x y/n

[ahbogman]

this pretty much sums up their whole dynamic

#roy mustang and his two children #i love this little family #redrew from a manga panel! #al lookin a little scary in the back like that sorry pffffhfh #he deserves better #anyway it’s roy’s bday and i feel like nobody knows or cares :( #I’ve got a few more drawings i did of him to celebrate that ill post in a bit #fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #roy mustang #edward elric #alphonse elric #fmab fanart

[cozylittleartblog]

i now understand how certain people felt when harpy eda was revealed 😳

prints here

#toh #the owl house #toh fanart #lilith clawthorne #hooty #toh finale #watching and dreaming #captioned #WOW. WOOO OW. GOODNESS. MA'AM. QPR PLEASE??? PLEASE??? WOW #i both literally am her and i want to kiss her. Wow! #she is the ideal woman. her particularly early 20th century fashion sense. she's a big nerd. she appreciates history. she's aroace. she's a #bird lady who can fly. she has curly hair. Oh Jeez It Does Not Get Better Than That #sorry anyway i cant believe i won twice in a row with ladies (queen and lilith) who are specifically tailored to me and no one else /j #digital art #illustration #a small victory against my art block even though this took like 4 or 5 days to chip through. but i did it #there are some parts i feel a little clueless about so #critiques welcome #lilith please pick me up and fly my gay ass off into the sunset please im beg

[glo-shroom]

yes & no by Natalie Wee | Trigun Ultimate Overhaul

#THIS HAS BEEN COOKING. FOR TWO MONTHS #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vash #wolfwood #trigun maximum #mine #edit #trimax #trigun edit #tw suicide mention #for that one line #and #tw blood #hopefully there's nothing else I'm forgetting #long post #i guess #pls feel free to critique me on the alt texts I've never done it before and would love to know what I can do better #but uhhh yeah otherwise. enjoy my baby. I'm very proud of this #I do however need to not look at it for a while now #so aside from the IDs if there are mistakes. no there aren't <3 #AND THANKS TO MY QPP EEE FOR LISTENING TO ME ENDLESSLY WORK ON THIS AND OFFERING ME INPUT AND CRITIGUE!!! <3333 #god. it's finally done #edit: btw I could write so much on my choices in this and what I'm going for and little details. but I leave it to the masses to interpret

[spam-extemporal]

Dcxdp where Danny has been working with a hero team (did Bruce adopt him? Did he help the teen titans and got told to join them? Idk) for less than a year, maybe they knew eachother for longer, but Danny has been living with them for some months.

Now, I imagined this as a "Danny has to flee to a different dimension after a giw attack/reveal gone wrong" but it can work with other scenarios, the important thing is, death days are important for a ghost's wellbeing, but nobody knows/remembers Danny's deathday or that it's important to commemorate the dead. Maybe he hasn't told anyone yet cause he doesn't want to be a bother, or doesn't trust them enough yet.

So Danny takes the matter on his own hands, each year he goes to a quiet corner of the local graveyard, where he has a piece of marble and a small vase, he usually buys some flowers for his memorial grave and makes some fudge as an offering.

This year wasn't gonna be different, he told his team/family that he was gonna spend the day out, he chose an elegant but comfortable outfit, made some fudge, and saved it on the fridge with a note that said "phantom, do not eat".

The next part might work better with a young hero team, cause despite the note, someone took a bite of the fudge for breakfast.

Danny clearly gets mad, they didn't know, but they just ate an offering, a great offense to the dead it was offered to.

It all ends in a big fight, Danny doesn't want to admit that it was an offering for himself (it just hurts to admit that nobody remembers his death), and the other person thinks he's just having a tantrum over some fudge, like, c'mon, they can make you some if it's SO important to you 😒

And I don't know how to end it cause it came to me while falling asleep and don't remember more T-T

#i know there was a thing where Danny's fraid bonds shattered and he just runs away while the team is like #what just happened why do i feel like my family just died #want them to go running to find phantom and when they finally find the little makeshift grave they get so sad #and danny is nowhere to be found #either cause he has to go to the zone to heal or is too weak or sad and hid on the artic or something #when they finally find him there's tearful apologies and promises to not only do better. but improve communication so - #- this doesn't happen again #dcxdp #dcxdp prompt #dcxdp crossover #WOKE UP CRYING CAUSE OF THIS AJSHSHHSHZJA

[canisalbus]

Yeah sorry I drew this.

Hope you feel better soon ♡

.

#Aaaaaaaa #he looks like some sort of gangly baby sheep #does his ma not feed him #instantly wormified the man by putting a tube scarf over his ears #the pathetic little tail is what gets me #it's character accurate like his tail isn't supposed to be something to write home about but here it's just extra meager #big wet eyes #sock creature #leggy varmint #thank you this in fact made me feel better #gift art #arttsuka #own characters #Machete #personally I might've switched the onesie color to his usual orangish scarlet but hot pink is a bold choice too #he looks like a Barbie pet dog minus all the glamour

[cerealbishh]

"Good job, Aerith!" "It was nothing compared to you!" // "I'm so glad you're all okay!" "Right back atcha."

#ffvii remake #ffvii rebirth #aerith gainsborough #tifa lockhart #aerti #aerith x tifa #ffvii rebirth spoilers? #i love them so much #and i'm sure someone's already made this gifset but better... but why not? #i quoted their first and last high five dialogue #aerti high fives are adorable and romantic too i think #but obviously feel free to disagree #ffviiedit #ffviiredit #tifalockhartedit #aerithgainsboroughedit #aertiedit #pls not aerith's little hop/jump and tifa leaning in... it's too cute #twitter could never make me hate either one of these ladies #i might be missing a high five or two so if you can let me knoe which ones i'm missing that'd be great!

[hansoeii]

little lokius sketch from something I started working on today

#it's a little somewhat fix-it comic #but only very small cos I'm not good at comics #I just wanted to make something to make myself feel better haha #loki #lokius #lokius fanart

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In the shape of you, something new.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Better drawn mdzs #Yeah let's toss this in the 'mixed' category. Keeping you all on your toes with the quality of my work in this series. #I had to fire off some expectation-lowering shots to rebuild my energy. #I enjoy opportunities to experiment with formatting and challenge myself B*) I really like how this came out! #In this case; I have been thinking about this comic for nearly a year! The reunion scene! #The start of the festering! The longing LWJ feels contrasted against the reality that WWX has been fundamentally changed. #This is the shape of someone you knew. This is no longer the person you had in your head. Maybe that person never existed. #We build up expectations of who we want people to be - but they are never *who* that person is. #Loving the JC & LWJ parallels with this concept as well; they are both self-inflicted victims of pushing their expectations on WWX. #But we are who we are. We cannot become the idealized version of ourselves that lives in another person's head. #And I love how WWX comes back a little (a lot) horrifying. In his actions and appearance - he has changed. Maybe for the worst.

[ruporas]

good mornings throughout the travel

[ID: Two comics of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The second is underneath the read more.

The first is in four panels and follows Vash and Wolfwood through hotel rooms. First, Vash and Wolfwood exit adjacent rooms, and Wolfwood has sparkles floating around him as he exclaims, “Rise and shine! Ready to go?” Vash frowns, displeased, and says, Urk— Good morning to you too.”

Next, they’re in a room with two beds. Wolfwood is awake and fully dressed. He’s sitting on the bed and smoking, back turned away from the viewer and he says, “Wake up already, sleepyhead.” Vash sits up with his eyes still closed and yawns before saying good morning. After that, they’re sharing a bed, and Wolfwood gets up and says, “Morning, sunshine. Time to get up.” His body shadows Vash from the sunlight. Vash is still lying down with a blanket draped over him as he mumbles good morning.

Finally, they’re embracing in bed, both shirtless. Sunlight shines on them, but their contact allows their shadows to drape over their faces. Vash smiles, kisses the top of Wolfwood’s head, and says, “Good morning, Wolfwood.” Wolfwood sleepily says, “Mph, g’morning, needle-noggin’,” snuggling into on Vash’s shoulder. End ID] ID CREDIT

TRIMAX Vol. 10 Spoilers under read more // bonus comic

[ID: The bonus comic starts with Vash asleep in bed, fully clothed with his hair half-black. Someone says “Good morning,” and Vash says, “Morning, Wolf—w...” He trails off as Livio, holding a plate of food, stares with abject shock.

Livio says, “I’m sorry.” Vash, smiling but sweating, says, “No, it’s my bad...” Livio repeats, “I’m sorry.” Vash says, “Geez, stop apologizing,” and cuts off Livio’s “I—” with a “Good morning, Livio.” Livio quietly mumbles, “... Good morning...”

Vash sits up from the couch he was sleeping on and looks down, thinking, “... That’s right. I won’t wake up to you anymore... I have to get used to that...” End ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #i just think. when theyre traveling for a long time together #sleeping in the same inns sleeping in the same rooms potentially as they get closer #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 bedrooms if theyre comfortable fighting back to back #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 beds after one night of being forced to sleep in same one since all the 2 beds rooms ran out #and being comfortable with it - and then after their feelings are shared #realizing theyd rather sleep and rest peacefully next to one another #and wake up slowly and enjoy the mundane while they can #i drew ww waking up first bc i dont imagine he sleeps much tbh. i think vash is a light sleeper too and more often than not #and vash goes to bed just bc he knows if he tries to leave ww would follow him #i also think vash never had someone stand guard for him before even if that isnt what he wants out of ww to do. but knowing that ww is #there means that he can actually sleep peacefully without worry that someones going to drop on him immediately. i think he'd get used tothat #and ww -- as he opens his heart more to vash -- gets comfortable staying in bed a little longer #sleeps a little better -- especially when they start to share a bed bc there's a warmth there that he can't help but cave into #bc he hasn't had that in a long time. #ruporas art