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#but i track who i am and make mental notes of my Character

unrequitedloveletter · 6 months

Note

I think I might have fallen in love- realization fics! Fics with this prompt can be the realization of anything--a characters imminent death, the moment wherein someone realizes they've been betrayed, or they can be super fluffy and detail the moment a character realizes they're in love, the moment where they realize they can see a future with the reader--perhaps one that entails settling down or one that involves leaving the past behind--, the moment where they realize that they want to marry them! Anything goes with this prompt, and I'll write 1-5k words using it!

OKAY- what about nikolai x reader. and it's where he realizes he wants to marry her. maybe r thinks of a solution to some matter of state and he watches in awe how she handles the questions and gets the other's attention. and he's just like "yep. i'm gonna make her my bride" or something like that :)

Motion- N.L x fem! reader

okay, hi! This came out a bit later than I meant for it to--I decided a few weeks ago to plan out a duology to try to complete during NaNoWriMo and that took up a lot of my headspace, where trying to make sure my mental health was on track and I was breathing in something other than stale apartment air took up the rest of it. However, I am so sorry for how late this is coming out regardless!

On another note, my requests close next friday! They close at 11:30 pm AST (which is around 7:30 PST) and hopefully, what remains of my requests will be done by that point. Fall event requests are open until the second and my holiday event will come out sometime between the 24th of November and the 1st of December.

Fic type- fluff

Warnings- none

You and Nikolai were sitting in a meeting, debating with the Grisha triumvirate and several other relevant court members who sat in on Ravkas ever growing list of issues. You'd thrummed your way from matters of inter-palace discontent through matters of civilian discontent and you were up to matters of state.

Nikolai was getting bored watching everyone bicker, each of them trying to stop one another from getting a word in, but you looked as though you'd just gotten started. Nikolai could've sworn you were smirking slightly as you watched Zoya snap at a general, ready to throw a gust of wind at him--one so powerful that it knocked him through the meeting room wall--and barely managing to restrain herself. You looked as though, despite the fact that you weren't Grisha, you were ready to do the same thing.

Genya looked ready to tailor someone into a very ugly version of themself and David simply looked as though he wanted to go back to his work, like he was mad at the fact of his obligations as a member of the triumvirate for pulling him away from it.

"And before you start, Novikov," you started. Nikolai turned his attention to you, smile on his face. "Let me talk my way through this, yeah? You start talking and you might find yourself unable to fill your britches because you simply don't know enough. It's not a matter of the people--it's a matter of the funds we're able to allocate to the cities. If we can allocate enough to cities both big and small then we're setting ourselves up for an economic boom that starts at the big cities, moves to the small ones. It moves to the towns, and from the towns it moves back to us."

"How do you expect Ravka of all places to be able to do such a thing?" Novikov asks, bushy eyebrows furrowed at your suggestion.

"We can get tourists in," you said. "Ravka is broke--that is absolutely not a surprise to anyone in this room. However, to appeal to those who can only afford to take one vacation a year we advertise the cities. The ones with good-quality but still cheap hotels, honest working parents and saintstales as old as the country itself."

"And what of the rich folks?" David asked. "I mean--we can't advertise Ravka for tourism without aiming somewhere that will actually make a difference one trip on, can we?"

"Palace tours," you said. "The Grand Palace--we can make it a tourist spot Friday through Monday, twelve hours, with options for individual touring, group touring, or guided versions of the same. I'll be a bloody guide if I need to, but I know that there are people somewhere who are passionate about Ravkas history to be willing to volunteer their time."

'And how long is this going to take to pay off our debts?" Novikov asked. "I mean--nobody will go for it if it takes us longer than a decade."

"If it takes us longer than a decade, the youngest of us in the room have a chance at seeing it in the last year or two before we hit forty," Genya said. "Nikolai is twenty-four at the current, which means it would take sixteen years if it were to be such a strenuous plan."

"It's not," You said. "Tours of the palace will take two hours going at a slow pace if my walks of the Grand Palace are to have proved anything. If we get six volunteers, then that's one to cover every tour everyday. Ticket prices can be set at 20 coin for a general admission, 10 for children and fifteen for seniors. Max the group allowance at groups of ten and that ranges from 100-200 coin just off the gate. Take that and multiply it by six, and we have 600-1200 coin going back into the coffers of those to whom Ravka is indebted. It'll be volunteer based because the saints know we cannot afford to pay the guides but I would do a twelve hour workday just to prove that my idea is the right move."

"And what benefits could we offer in place of wages?"

"A hot meal when shifts are done, a room at the Little Palace and food by an irrefutable line of direction. We could also put them on palace staffing lists officially so they'd at least be making the minimum wage, but I think that such would constitute as fraudulent somewhere."

Nikolai was deep in thought when you brought up that last point, but with one squeeze from your hand he was back to reality.

"If they would be willing to take a room in the Little Palace for the duration of time during which tours take place, then it wouldn't violate any laws--they'd be working within the palaces, allowing their placement onto the palace staff."

"What is your estimate on how long it would take?" Novikov asked. "On how long the combination of marketing the cities and the palace tours would take to pay off our debts and refill the war treasury?"

Nikolai had been looking at you how he always did--like you were the love of his life. As he watched you answer what both of you had hoped tto be Novikovs last question, he came to a realization.

"A minimum of five years," you said. "And that is with the tours going all year round. If we could have the tours going daily it would probably still be the same such estimate--we're more than one million kruge in debt with Kerch, double that with Novyi Zem, Novikov. The process for clearing Ravka of it's debts is not something that will be instantaneous unless you're willing to sell your home and give the funds to the cause? According to reports I've seen, your home could have us reasonably jumped forward if you sell it for it's maximum monetary value?"

Nikolai could see it right in front of him--two years from then, a ceremony. Watching you walk down the isle, a coronation where you were crowned as queen. A life as your husband, a life with you as his wife.

He glanced at the ring finger on his left hand--it was looking awfully bare, but if you said yes when Nikolai proposed, which he decided he would do right then, it would not look bare for the rest of his life.

"All in favor?" Nikolai asks, giving your hand a squeeze as the thought solidifies itself fully in his mind.

I am going to make her my bride.

Everyone, including a rather embarrassed Novikov, said "I" and you grinned victoriously.

Your plan was barely in motion, but it was starting to gain traction still. As Nikolai pressed a kiss to your cheekbone and the two of you moved to leave the meeting room, the same could be said of his.

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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sadtonight · 2 years

Text

"...pizza time"

Summary: you craved pizza at ludicrous hour so you dialed nearest 24/7 pizza house. Alas when you took the first bite, the lights lit up in the kitchen. You were caught red-handed by someone...!

Characters: first year students;

Warnings: unhealthy food practices (guilty....), reader is gender neutral, reader is from the same dorm as the boys, could be viewed platonic or romantic;

Side notes: it's freaking 3 am, gosh...but I finished it quicker than I expected, ha! I love tasty food if you couldn't tell. Shout-out to my hometown pizza house chain, you are always staying in my heart 💙

Ace

— just as your eyes adjusted to sudden brightness, you immediately identified the person standing at the doorway near the light switch but it didn't really elevate your panic. No, in fact the feeling turned into chagrin upon casting a look at the witness's face: it was Ace;

— you would not feel so down if he came at any hour except for this one, precisely because you were in a predicament which red eyed male undoubtedly would use to his advantage;

— you froze at place whereas Ace approached the kitchen counter where flat cardboard box was laying, took a slice of a still hot pizza and bitten off half of the piece all the while making complains about you not informing him about ordering pizza but not ever once asking why doing so in the dead of night;

— he ate another two pieces murmuring word "yummy" and clasped his hands together to get rid of crumbs. Ideally, your dormmate going back to sleep was something you hoped to happen but despite your mental prayers to the Seven, Ace gave you a smile and expectant look;

— "Well, this was delicious but next time I'm choosing pizza, okay? Your treat of course, if you don't want to sleep hungry with a collar around your neck~" Ace cooed cheekily and left you alone with leftovers. Unsure if the defeat effected the food more than your mood, as it went cold by that time, you let out a sigh;

— now your head was stuffed with thoughts on how to get back at Ace instead of pizza in front of you, because extortion won't be only on his part. In the meantime you are deciding on which restaurant or café ginger was going to take you for the next few days when you cook up and execute revenge plan.

Deuce

— when the door opened, you accidentally crammed the whole pizza slice into your mouth while completely forgetting about about it being pipping hot, making you choke and tear up in seconds. Because of this, you couldn't let out any coherent sounds so instead it was half asleep Deuce who let a frightened yelp;

— poor boy have started loudly apologizing for interrupting without even realising what was he interrupting in the first place but you promptly gestured him to be quite by feverishly pressing your index finger to your lips and shaking your head to the sides;

— eventually, Deuce closed the kitchen doors so the two of you would not cause any more disturbance to the whole Heartslabyul dorm and, most importantly, its dorm leader;

— he apologized yet again but for another reason and quietly this time. He felt incredible guilt watching you look so miserable: sour expression and lowered shoulders, your tongue hurting from the burn and little to no desire to continue your night feast;

— blue haired boy promised to take you somewhere in order to make up for him startling you (there goes his allowance). It's just Deuce had unfortunately took up Ace's habit of eating at night so he wanted to grab a cookie and go back to sleep right away;

— that being said, he was still hungry, thus you let him eat a few slices because you wouldn't be able to taste the pizza or any food for a while anyways...

Jack

— today wasn't Jack's day at all: headache after headache. First he watered his potted cacti by mistake. Then some jerk yanked on his tail in the busy crowd and beastman tried chasing down the culprit only to be late for Crewel classes and getting extra work that held Jack back from his track club activities;

— and to add more annoyance first year forgot to take his water bottle since he was rushing to sport's field to do at least something. All of the incidents leading to Jack waking up in the middle of the night to get another glass of cool water from the kitchen;

— unlike other boys, wolf boy already knew by the scent alone that not only there was someone in the kitchen but they were also making or eating delicious smelling food which made it impossible to distinguish who was occupying the room;

— what Jack did not expect was to see you holding a slice of pizza tilted to the side and topping sliding off onto the floor while you locked eyes with his. You appeared to look like a deer caught in the headlights rather than his fellow dormmate;

— you gradually regained your composure and offered him some pizza to which weird out Jack refused. The scene that unfolded played before his eyes when he went back to bed, unanswered questions keeping him awake for some time;

— next morning beastman saw Ruggie poking around the kitchen in search of pizza leftovers for the reason that he stumbled upon pizza topping on the floor earlier, but Jack decided not to rat you out this time.

Epel

— ... this guy didn't even notice you initially. When you are lurking past beauty sleep hours you are bound to be quiet as a mouse and fully alert in case Pomefiore heads show up. If you are caught red-handed you have to either prepare an apology with explanation or make a run for it;

— in your case, you stopped on your tracks when you heard barely audible footsteps becoming increasingly louder. Panic shot straight into your limbs as you closed the box and run up to corner next to the door and held your breath. You weren't wolfing down a veggie salad after all!

— thankfully a mop of lavender hair came into view, it stopping before the fridge and getting some milk. Epel took a swing right from the bottle making you let out a snort that you tried to cover with your free hand;

— boy in question choked a little and instantly tore his face from the bottle with "what in tarnation?!", whirling his head in the dark towards your direction;

— you explained through your chuckles that you grew hungry and decided to get some fast food in spite of it being way past midnight;

— Epel grew curious as he has never tried real pizza before and only saw it in the commercials. You beaconed the boy to come closer and take a few slices when all of the sudden the lights switched on and all too familiar disapproving tsk tsk could be heard right beside both of you...

Sebek

— the loudest of them all! The whole dorm could hear half fae rushing in to investigate foreign sounds in the kitchen, sword and magic wand ready to strike the potential threat;

— Sebek felt relief and irritation wash over him simultaneously upon spotting you peacefully eating pizza. On the off chance he inquired if it was you going out through the main doors to get the delivery to which you replied positively;

— you see, it wasn't the first time something like that had happened, but it was instead with Lilia who often ordered food in the dead of night. This fact didn't convince knight in training to be more lax or loosen his guard but at least he stopped insisting on Malleus getting to safety each time Sebek suspecting danger;

— first year found your impromptu night snacking to be childish and got somewhat offended when you innocently suggested taking a slice;

— he can't be eating this unhealthy human food! He has to be in proper shape to serve his masters!! Although the smell and look of the dish was devilishly appealing, Sebek couldn't yield to mere fast food;

— ...the urge, however, was way stronger than half fae anticipated, making male retreat back to his room while munching the remains of tasty delicacy with the regret of not taking another piece lingering in the back of his mind.

#twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #ace trapolla x reader #deuce spade x reader #jack howl x reader #epel felmier x reader #sebek zigvolt x reader

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spacemagicandlaserswords · 1 year

Text

Open and Waiting (Chapter 2)

Gif from this post by @ashr-jedi

Summary: Hunter makes an appearance. You continue to warm Tech’s cock with your mouth and ruminate on previous experiences with Crosshair, Wrecker and Echo.

Relationships: Tech x f!reader, a little bit of Hunter x f!reader, mentions of Crosshair x f!reader, Echo x f!reader and Wrecker x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, cock warming, voyeurism, domination, submission, Dominant Tech, submissive reader, poor self worth, feelings, smut with feelings, sexual inexperience, inexperienced reader, polyamory, gag reflex, pretend sci-fi technology/science, pretend Star Wars planets and locations, not beta read. Mentions of: Deep throating, face fucking, fingering, thigh fucking, tit fucking, bukkake, cum as lube, finger fucking, grinding, toys, butt plug.

Word Count: 2085 (Chapter 2)

Authors Notes: Please read the warnings! And please let me know if you enjoyed it. The filth continues. Interspersed with … feelings? In my smut? It’s more likely than you think.

I realised I forgot to give any context for where this story sits timeline wise and who the character of the reader is! Timeline wise, this happens at some nebulous point after Echo joins The Bad Batch and before Order 66. The reader is part of the Batch but beyond that you can interpret them however you wish. The most common example I've seen is a medic but a jedi, mechanic, intelligence officer or some other random reason for the reader being in the squad could all work as well. Whatever works for you. The main thing is that the reader is a submissive that the Batch share between themselves and are the reader's dominants. The Batch are all Dom’s in the AU of this fic, but they all have different ways of approaching it, which you’ll hopefully get a little inkling of in this chapter.

Chapters: One, Three, Four, Five, Six | Ao3

Open and Waiting (Chapter 2)

I don’t know how much time passes but eventually I hear the faint hiss of the cockpit door opening and a soft, smooth stride moves out into the main area of the ship.

Hunter.

Our sergeant can be completely silent when he wants to be, so he’s deliberately making sure his approach can be heard. An existence created purely for tracking means that he’s basically permanently stealthy. It can be decidedly startling when he just appears next to you out of nowhere. We really need to put a bell on him or something. Though he’d probably figure out how to move so that it didn’t make a sound. Sneaky bastard.

A gruff voice at the end of the workbench announces his arrival.

“That’s in more bits than when I saw it last.”

“Yes.” Tech replies. “I hypothesised that the size of the casing could be reduced by 2.56% if I reconfigured the internal power connectors into a series of bi-linear couplings. I am currently applying this theory to the prototype you see before you, hence the 'bits' on the workbench.”

“That’s a lot of parts to shove into a small box.” responds Hunter.

“They will fit.” Tech testily replies.

“I don’t doubt that.” Hunter answers.

There’s a brief pause while Tech zaps something and Hunter shifts slightly to the side.

I think I’m being inspected.

Hunter definitely can’t have missed that I’m currently naked, kneeling between Tech’s thighs with my eyes closed, hands restrained behind my back and Tech’s cock stuffed in my mouth.

“You went with the leather cuffs then.” Hunter states.

I am definitely being inspected.

“They are more suited to the purposes of this exercise.” Tech explains. “The focus is on sensation and submission and as an introduction to this practice, I thought it pertinent to ease into the experience gently. The leather cuffs provide an acceptable level of restraint and serve as a reminder of their position, both physically and mentally.”

“Plus you made them.” Hunter adds.

“Correct. Both the wrist cuffs and collar are of my own design and creation.” Tech replies.

They’re talking about me like I’m not even here. Like I’m not currently desperately drooling around Tech’s cock, unable to move or escape their gaze. The thought makes my pussy throb.

“Oh, she’s enjoying this.” Hunter laughs.

“I trust you can smell her arousal.” Tech asks, though it’s not framed as a question.

“Yup.” Hunter answers. “I could smell her in the cockpit like she was in there. It’s stronger than usual.”

“I have observed a number of indicators of her heightened state of arousal myself.” Tech adds.

“Is this what she’s been worrying about?” asks Hunter.

“If by ‘this’, you mean the practice of cock warming that the two of us are currently engaging in, then yes.” Tech replies.

“You’ve just got your dick in her mouth.” Hunter observes bluntly.

“Yes.” replies Tech. “That is the point.”

There’s a rather telling pause and I can just picture the looks that are being exchanged. An arched, tattooed eyebrow is probably being met with a decidedly unimpressed flat stare emanating from behind yellow lenses. Another slip of drool spills from the corner of my stretched mouth and runs down my chin to join the rest of the mess that is covering my face.

Tech shifts and launches into a lecture. There’s probably a finger being raised.

“Cock warming is the practice of placing one's cock in an orifice of one's partner. This can be done via the mouth, rear or vagina, if the penetratee possesses that particular genitalia. The cock is then left inside the partner's orifice where they are to keep it warm. The name speaks for itself. Outside of the basic principle of the act, the parties involved can agree on various additional stipulations, such as how long the penetratee must keep their partner's cock inside them or if they are allowed to move or make noise. I have read numerous accounts where both partners extol the virtues of this practice, describing it as surprisingly peaceful and an excellent way of entering subspace.”

“I’m sure it’s enjoyable, I’ve just never heard of it, that’s all.” Hunter supplies.

“I must admit that I was not overly familiar with the practice myself but it has proved to be a most enjoyable addition to our play thus far.” Tech provides.

I could already tell he was enjoying it, given the harness of his erection currently occupying my mouth. Hearing the verbal confirmation just adds to the feeling of deep satisfaction and submission warming in my chest. Another shiver runs through my body and I can feel more of my saliva pool in my mouth.

“Was there a reason for your interruption of my work?” Tech directs at Hunter in a slightly curt manner.

“That’s not the only thing I’m interrupting” Hunter snarks back.

“Quite.” Tech leaves the implication implicit.

Hunter sighs briefly before adding “Yeah we got a comm from the 369th.”

“Ah. Are they still experiencing difficulty with the Separatist base built into the side of the Markontia Gorge on Bezril IX?” Tech asks, fully aware of the answer already.

“Yeah, they might need our help with their current campaign but nothing’s confirmed yet so we’re on standby for now. If they need us to blast a hole into the Seppie base then we should hear back by the next rotation.” Hunter adds.

“Wrecker will be pleased.” Tech comments.

“I can think of something else that would please Wrecker.” Hunter slyly hints at.

“Wrecker may make use of our shared submissive when it is his turn.” Tech replies swiftly, irascible intent laced through the words, making it crystal clear that I am his right now.

“Additionally, he has made it quite clear that he does not wish to test the limits of her capacity for oral penetration until her gag reflex has improved.” Tech adds.

A slice of shame and disappointment cuts through me. I’ve always had problems with my gag reflex. Lack of experience will do that to you, I guess. I’ve been slowly working on improving it and they’ve all been so gentle and careful and patient with me. I desperately want to be able to deep throat each of them or be face fucked into a wall one day. At the moment though, the best I can manage is the tip of one of their cocks at the back of my mouth and even that still sets the damn thing off sometimes.

Wrecker has been so sweet about it. There is no denying that he is exceptionally well endowed and that his cock is, well, enormous, to put it bluntly. The poor man is well aware of it too. There is nothing I’d love more than to be absolutely impaled on his thick cock, but the first time I saw it I did worry that I’d never be able to fit it in me. I still do but we’re slowly getting there. He’s been so wonderful and understanding of my current abilities and their limits. Wrecker is such a beautiful human to experience pleasure with. He’s so full of joy about the entire thing. I didn’t have a great deal of experience before somehow ending up with all of them and I’d never had a joyful sexual encounter before Wrecker. I didn’t even know it was possible and had burst into tears afterwards. He’d been so alarmed and concerned that he’d inadvertently hurt me but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Thankfully, he’s the most emotionally intelligent out of all of them and we’d had a wide-ranging, open and reassuring conversation about sexual experience and intimacy as I lay curled against his chest. I still struggle with tensing up sometimes and Wrecker has been a great boon in getting me more accustomed to preparation. He’s a big proponent of lube and has a whole assortment of different types that we’re slowly working our way through. One or two of his fingers are more than enough to open me up and I could have those big, thick, slicked up digits sliding in and out of me for hours.

And there is nothing quite so wondrous as lying there laughing and kissing and giggling as he fucks my thighs. Wrecker has been very keen to emphasise that there’s more to sex than just penetration and we’ve been exploring some intriguingly varied ways to experience pleasure together. The first time he’d fucked my tits was something else. His oleaginous, lubed cock sliding between my breasts, cupped in his massive hands as his fingers and thumb played with my nipples. When he’d finally exploded all over my chest, neck and face, I don’t think I’d ever been covered in quite so much cum.

Well, at least not until we had that bukkake session. Trying to get cum out of your hair in a sonic is difficult to say the least and Hunter ended up hand washing it out for me. It had been worth it though for the way they had all looked down at me while they pumped their cocks and came all over my obedient, kneeled form, mouth hanging open and tongue out to catch as much as I could.

I’d knelt there afterwards like a statue. Covered in their cum, stained and claimed in their release. Rivets of translucent white slowly running down my skin. I could feel it pool in the hollow of my neck and drip off my nipples. It sounds ridiculous but in that moment I just wished I could exist like that forever, eternally marked as theirs. Just like I wish I could openly and proudly display the marks they leave on my skin, claims bruised into my neck for all to see. They are all such wonderful dominants, each unique in their own approach. I’m eternally thankful that they all chose me to be their submissive. I would happily serve at their feet and allow them to use me as they pleased for the rest of my existence if this damn war wasn’t going on.

I do need to work on having a bit more self preservation though. One of them is bad enough but whenever they end up scheming together, they start coming up with Plans and Ideas. That’s how I then found myself wiping their cum off me with my hands before eating it in front of them like some lewd and licentious spectacle. Being made to finger yourself using the cum of your dominants as lube while they watch is also a whole new level of depravity. I’d had to beg each of them for permission to cum before I’d finally been allowed to finger fuck myself into oblivion.

Wrecker isn’t the only one that is explicitly clear that their boundaries for playing with me are guided by my current abilities. Crosshair steadfastly refuses to even entertain my suggestion of face fucking until I can, in his words, “keep my balls against your chin, doll”. Echo had gone all serious when I had timidly requested to go down on him for the first time. There had been some stern yet heart-felt words about the importance of pacing and not rushing into things or pressuring yourself to try something you’re not ready for. We’d ended up grinding against each other instead, which was just as enjoyable. It meant I got to watch him come undone as I thrust my hips into his groin and then he’d made me straddle his leg and grind myself to completion on his thigh. There is something about the sensation of smooth durasteel gliding under your wet, sensitive pussy and pressing against your clit that is otherworldly. I’ll have to ask Tech if he’s able to shape some kind of toy out of the metal. A durasteel butt plug sounds like an excellent idea.

I still wish I could do more for them and wasn’t trapped in my own body and mind. The discontent and shame at my perceived failures is still there, despite how well I might be managing to warm Tech’s cock with my mouth at the moment. My lips are wrapped around a decent amount of his length and the tip of his cock is fairly close to the back of my mouth but I could always do more and try to get him a little deeper. I take a steadying breath through my nose, will my throat to relax and move to take more of him in.

------

Author’s Note: Tiny bit of a cliffhanger! This is mainly because I wrote this all in a giant keyboard mashing haze with absolutely no thoughts of structure. Going back while editing and trying to figure out where to shove in chapters to break it up has been a bit tricky, so if they’re a tad clunky that’s why.

You’ll see how Tech reacts in Chapter 3, along with some musings on previous sessions with Hunter and Crosshair.

Taglist: @queenariesofnarnia @skywlker-sluvtt @techs-assistant

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mdhwrites · 3 months

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So if Dana said she didn't have any original season 3 ideas, why did she also say on Twitter that she wanted 10-20 half hours for season 3?

Now apparently from the transcript and the like, what was said that there were like one sentence pitches for episodes but nothing concrete or the like. That I believe. After all, it's like taking sticky notes and using them to jot down passing thoughts. But... Ideas don't mean anything. You need to have an actual coherent thought as to how you are going to use those ideas as a creator.

So when she says she wanted those episodes, I believe her. But... Instead of it being so she could have coherently finished her story, something you can feel isn't exactly happening during S3, it would have been to explore her ideas and let it be her mouthpiece. Even as far back as S1, you can clearly see this conflict in the show. The First Day lets her take potshots at modern education and saying kids should have more freedom... At the expense of everyone forgetting that multi-tracking is literally illegal. But the idea was more important than the overall story so in it went.

Besides, when asked about your work that you cherish so much, are you going to tell people you wanted LESS time to do whatever you wanted? Or are you going to say you wanted as much time as possible? Especially since without a solid plan, you can't be like Matt Braley who straight up went "Nope. Amphibia wasn't shortened. It was always planned to be three seasons."

I still stand by the idea that Dana actually wanted to just keep going WELL past S3. Even now, she wants to do a spin off and one of her greatest regrets for what was missed was not being allowed to do more teenage Raeda stuff in the show. A second episode in the past. Expanding on what? Who knows but it's more time spent with the ship that Dana clearly loved.

I am not saying Dana was lying or a bad person but the question that is worth asking is if that time would have been spent actually wrapping up plot threads or exploring characters as they are now. Otherwise, it would end up being like the S2B and S3 we got where we are still getting elements added, refusing to wrap up story elements, and having to drag back plot points from almost entire seasons ago (Willow and Amity's friendship), if not MULTIPLE seasons ago (Willow's lack of power control) just to do something with these characters despite it being way too late to treat those elements as relevant. There is a reason why if I hear that Dana is the lead for another cartoon, I'll probably be staying away. Not when I don't want promising statements to never have a plan behind. Not again.

Expected this to be shorter. I'm rambly though. Also just wanted to clear this out. Admittedly, it's stuff like this that makes it so that if anyone ever told me they didn't trust me as a writer, I'd understand. Not because of me wasting time but because my mental health gets in the way and can cause ideas to die as my brain just refuses to write them. How we as writers use our time with the audience is important. It leaves an impression and for me, Dana's impression is incredibly negative because I care about story, even if characters come first to me.

Sigh.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #toh #the owl house

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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ATTENTION TADC FANS!

youve all been waiting, and im finally taking requests for TADC again! apologies for the sudden shut down and dismissal of the requests, but it was truly getting to a point where i was beginning to hit the beginning stages of a burnout; and in order to prevent myself from resenting the media or growing tired of it, i had to take a break.. but we're back! with a few news rules that i urge you guys look into since things are going to be slightly different this time around (not much, only one real rule is added, but still!)

As per usual for these posts, im linking my pinned that has most of the rules that generally apply to this blog, really these posts are just for me to announce that im taking stuff for a fandom, you know?

if youre not new around here, though, you will notice a note within the "i will write section", which is that new rule i mentioned above the cut!

however for those who cannot access the link for whatever reason, here is a summarized list of rules n stuff

Basic rules and boundaries:

all requests must be sent in through the inbox. any requests submitted via comments or dms will not be answered, period. i prefer the inbox because its all in one place and easier for me to keep track of things. dms feel invasive and make me feel pressured, and comments can be lost easily. as well as this, with asks i have the request right there so i dont have to dip back and forth for details on what you want

no spamming, please! while i am deciding to keep anon on i can tell when its different requestors asking for the same thing by chance, and when its the same person sending in the same thing. you will receive a warning once (this alone counts as one so technically you get two), after that your request will be denied flat out

as of 12/14/2023, i am not taking oc readers or readers based off of canon characters. while i did canon characters before, i do not have the means or energy to comb through many character wikis for every request. i do intend on opening character based readers eventually, but as of now it is not possible or efficient. you CAN ask for specific traits or personalities, though, thats still allowed

the new rule i mentioned: the new maximum number of characters you can ask for per request is 4-5. before i didnt see much point in limiting TADC since its just 7 characters but i found that most people asked for full casts, but most requests didnt spark any real ideas for every character; thus really feeding into that burnout i mentioned. any requests failing to follow this rule will be put in the wheel (wheel will have the characters names and it will choose who will be written for the request)

i can deny your request for any reason, usually though it will be for discomfort or for being in violation of the admins rules/falls into what he wont write

What I will Write:

fluff and angst! as well as general headcannons! scenarios are allowed too!

poly, platonic, romantic, ect is fine! any characteristics for the reader are usually fine (ex. child!reader, artist!reader, ectect, obviously for stuff like kid readers it will automatically be platonic)

really most things are fine, if theres anything that makes the admin uncomfortable, he will communicate it!

while technically i do write for it, please be mindful when asking for requests that tackle heavier topics (abvse, self h4rm, ect) and will be handled on a case by case basis rather than being set to a solid standard, as well as taking the admins current mental state into consideration when handling these requests

What I WONT Write:

NSFW or NSFW adjacent requests. no smut, no kinks. i have had people try to sneak kinks past me by trying to mess with wording or by trying to justify it by saying it was intended to be fluff. i do not kink shame, but that wont be tolerated here

no yandere stuff, admin isnt really comfy with it. theres a difference between writing characters that can be very jealous and writing something that is extremely unhealthy and to admins knowledge, demonizes those with mental disorders

as mentioned above, heavier topics will be taken with a case by case basis; however if youre asking for things like abvsive!jax x reader or jax walking in on reader SHing then its a hard no. active stuff will not be written here, however a character who has gone through that in the past is an entirely different story

full on fanfics; outside of special occasion, the admin only writes short little paragraphs and stuff for posts

general ban on basic nono content

On the off chance that you request something that has already been done before, admin will link the post that has your request!

with all that being said and done, go nuts guys! i kind of missed writing for TADC but i had to put me first

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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goodbysunball · 4 months

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Best of 2023

Toledo, OH, Dec. 30, 2023

It's going to take years to unpack the last few months of 2023. Whatever mental trauma is inflicted upon those removed from the situation in no way approximates the devastation and inhumanity occurring daily to millions. That the US is funding it all, and institutions and businesses domestically are punishing those who speak out about it, is sickening and terrifying. The latest Lulu's email newsletter wrote more eloquently about it all than I could, and plainly calls for empathy at the end: "Be good in a bad world."

And we do that, pretending things are normal for the sake of others, our kids, our partners. But things are not normal, and that pressure forces other changes, because while we can to some degree control what happens within our lives, there's no fix for seeing (let alone experiencing) dead, maimed children regularly on Instagram, victims of bombings without caution or consequence. A sense of powerlessness pervades. What we can do is keep talking, sharing and banding together. Being good in a bad world.

Some notes:

Lots more instrumental, or nearly instrumental, music than usual this year on my list, which tracks with the current climate. Music without words, or without discernible words, leaves space for thoughts to become untangled, sure; but a lot of what’s highlighted below felt more transcendent than meditative.

I still listen to rap quite a bit, but very few new songs I heard stuck around past a few days. Call it malaise from living in an era where every other song on the radio has a trap beat. Starlito dropped a clunker, which shouldn't have shocked me but did, and it personally felt significant. Maybe it’s indicative of the old guard’s demise, but hopefully it removes a wall and allows me to engage with newer rap music better. That being said: Veeze's Ganger was head and shoulders above everything else; billy woods' short verse on "As the Crow Flies" made me gasp the first time I heard it (and I also loved ELUCID's verse on "Baby Steps"); and I listened to The Jacka's The Jack Artist most of all.

Of all the books I read this year, two books by Fernanda Melchor, Hurricane Season and Paradais, stood out. Melchor’s prose is incredibly powerful, bleakly funny and vicious in equal measure. The sharp, frank assessments by characters in often ludicrous situations feel like a product of the contemporary but imbued with some ancient wisdom. Shout out to Julia S. for the new and notable South American literature tips.

In the midst of holiday/short day doldrums, amidst endless bleak news reports, it was difficult battling back cynicism to listen to anything, especially back to all of these records and tapes listed below. It ended up being oddly therapeutic, highly enjoyable and maybe necessary, the same as when I force myself out to shows when it's easier to stay home. That feeling chips away at the notion of this list-making exercise as futile, for me certainly, but hopefully also for you. Thank you for reading, and I hope you find something you like, too.

And so:

Lewsberg, Out and About (12XU)

Equipment Pointed Ankh, From Inside the House (Bruit Direct Disques)

The Native Cats, The Way On Is the Way Off (Chapter Music)

Water Damage, 2 Songs (12XU)

VoidCeremony, Threads of Unknowing (20 Buck Spin)

Emily Robb, If I Am Misery Then Give Me Affection (Petty Bunco)

CIA Debutante, Down, Willow (Siltbreeze)

Olimpia Splendid, 2 (Fonal/Kraak)

Nusidm, The Last Temptation of Thrill (Bruit Direct Disques)

Incipientium, Undergång (Happiest Place)

Witness K, s/t (ever/never)

Leda, Neuter (Discreet Music)

12"/10"/7"/CS

Chrome Cell Torture, Laugh Then Lie 7" (Scarlet)

Joe Colley, Acting As If 10" (Substantia Innominata)

Disintegration, Time Moves For Me 12" (Feel It)

Life Expectancy, Decline CS (Iron Lung)

Gabi Losoncy, Lieutenant single-sided 12" (self-released)

Peg, We Know Who You Are and Everyone Is on the Lookout CS (No Rent)

Romance, Seven Inches of... 7" (self-released)

Sial, Sangkar 7" (La Vida Es Un Mus)

Slow Blink/Stomachache split CS (Hectare)

Howard Stelzer, oh calm down you're fine CS (No Rent)

Troth, Idle Easel 12" (Digital Regress)

Mark Van Fleet, Vordenal CS (Refulgent Sepulchre)

Stress Positions at the Pilot Light, Dec. 9, 2023

Shows

Bill Orcutt & Chris Corsano duo at Jackson Terminal, Knoxville, TN, April 1

Hell & My Wall at DRKMTTR, Nashville, TN, April 7

Cyberplasm, X-Harlow & FKA Ice at the Pilot Light, Knoxville, TN, May 18

Lewsberg at JJ's Bohemia, Chattanooga, TN, September 27

Stress Positions & Utopia at the Pilot Light, Knoxville, TN, December 9

Five songs favorably commented upon by my 3 y/o daughter*

*Something that happens so rarely that I try to take note when it does

Dua Lipa, "Levitating"

Martin Frawley, "Heart In Hand"

Mount Trout, "Hang Around"

Witness K, "In Knots"

The Young Senators, "Ringing Bells (Sweet Music) Part II"

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venusstarz34 · 2 months

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Sebastian Sallow: Dangerously Yours episode 1-Masquerade

!I DO NOT OWN THE SCRIPT OR THE CHARACTERS! Just a heads up, I’m still finishing the game, so if it is not greatly accurate, I apologize. This is just for fun

“And so, my dear girl,” The man sitting across from the young girl said. “you have our reasons for choosing you for this mission. You are very young, you are clever, and you are very beautiful.” Her face remained serious, despite the compliments he was handing out to her. “Because of your youth, you should be exceptionally valuable to us.” “I am at your command, headmaster.” She nodded in agreement to him. His face hardened for a moment before relaxing again, as if he caught himself from snapping. “From now on you will forget my title. In all of our communications, you will address me as Mr. Black.” She nodded again, making a mental note of this in her head. “Now let us get onto things. I hope the troubled will not be too difficult for you,” His emphasis on troubled did not go unnoticed by her. “He is a sure man. And when you have obtained our information, you will conceal the message in this silver envelope and send an owl to us immediately. Trust no one. We rely on your discretion.” He handed her the gleaming silver envelope and she pocketed it. “I understand.” She says. “These papers will tell you everything you need to know about Sallow. Even how you will be meeting him tonight.” She took the papers from his hand.

”Good evening miss!” The bellboy had called to her while taking her bags. The sound of the train hushing down the tracks. “Have my bags sent to suite 913” She said. “Yes ma’am” She gave the boy a smile as he headed off. The young woman searched the room for her target, the gold coins clinking in her pocket as she walked. When she spotted him, she quickly composed herself and made her way over. The man was talking to someone, stopping his sentence when he spotted her. “Is everything alright miss?” He asked. She threw the coins onto the table in anger. “Take your money back, Luigi. I don’t want it anymore. I’m through!” She storms off, her face calm, which is a difference from only a moment ago. The man is calling after her, trying to keep up with her fast strides. “Is something wrong, sir?” One of the bellboys asked. “Yes, did you see the lady who had stopped at my table?” The bellboy nodded. “She mistakenly gave me money thinking it was mine. Do you know who she is?” The bellboy nodded again. “Ms. L/n. Her suite is 913.”

There was a know on Y/n’s door. “Just a moment!” She called. She made her way to the door and opened it, seeing the man she had yelled at earlier. “Miss, I’m afraid you made a mistake. My name is not Luigi, and these are not my coins.” He said. The woman smiled. “Yes I know. Won’t you come in, Mr. Sallow?” Sebastian seemed taken aback. “You- You know who I am?” She gave a laugh. “Of course I do! You were the most handsome man im the dining area. And I was very lonely, so I thought ‘tonight, I will have an adventure! I will make the acquaintance of the distinguished Sebastian Sallow” Sebastian was as confused as he was amazed. “How do you know my name?” He asked. “It was not difficult to find out” She said like it was quite obvious. “How do you know I wouldn’t run off with your coins?” Sebastian seemed suspicious. “I took that chance. Besides, they’re insured.” She lets out a laugh. “Are you angry?” Sebastian also laughs at her question. “No, I am not angry. If some kind fate wishes to send a beautiful lady to dine with me, I can only be grateful.” He pauses for a moment. “You will do me the honor, won’t you, Madam?” She nods her head at him and smiles. “I should be delighted.”

“What would you like for dinner?” Sebastian asked her one evening. “What does a great wizard eat? Hippogriff leg and kneazel tail and- What do you usually eat?” She looked at him with humor in her eyes. “What does a great witch usually eat?” “Almost anything” “Well, uhm. Then.. how about roast beef?” He asked and they both laughed. “Alright” She responded.

On one evening, they had decided to go to a fair. A man yelled around for people to watch Y/n shoot a clay pigeon. “I will never be able to hit a thing!” She worries. “Don’t let me down before all these people!” He whispers in her ear and her breath hitches, her face flushes and she feels a rush of adrenaline. “I’ll try.” She shoots the pigeon and misses entirely. “Good heavens!” She cries. “And the little lady down a dancing dog” The fair man joked, making the crowd laugh.

They strayed away from the fair, and off to a field to watch the stars. “Look Y/n! A shooting star! Did you wish?” Sebastian points to the sky. Y/n looks over quickly but was too late. “Oh, I didn’t have time.” She said disappointed. “And there is something you’d wish for?” “Yes” “What did you wish?” He asked her. She was hesitant and she looked up at the stars. “I was wishing that- that we were two other people. Two people who need not say goodbye.” Y/n’s eyes stayed on the stars, while Sebastian’s were fixated on her. “Perhaps it can be that way.”

Back in Sebastians room, he talked with his long time friend and partner. “Forgive me, Sebastian, but I’m not easy on my mind about this business. I wish you wouldn’t go see that woman tonight.” Ominis said as Sebastian put on his coat. “How could I stay away? Ominis, for the first time in my life, I am completely head over heels in love.” “But, Sebastian-“ Ominis tried to stop him. “I know what you’re thinking, I have a mission to perform and I have no right to fall in love. But, things don’t always work out the way we’d like them to have work out, do they, Ominis?” Ominis looked distressed and worried for his best friend. “Oh, I don’t know what to come up of all this.” “Oh Ominis, neither do I, neither do I! But perhaps we shall find out tonight.” And with that, Sebastian has left his room in a hurry.

“Y/n, I have a message from you from Mr. Black.” Her maid came in to her room. “What is it?” She wondered the meaning of the message and hoped it wasn’t too serious. “He says you must obtain our information immediately. You have taken too long. You are to get it tonight.” “Tonight?!” Y/n stood up in a distress. “Mr. Black has been very lenient with you, because this is your first mission. But he will not be lenient any longer. It is not wise to anger Mr. Black. He is a dangerous enemy to have. Forgive me, Y/n, I was sent to serve you as a maid, not to give you advice.” Y/n took a deep breath in and decided what she needed to do. “You’re right. Don't worry. the mission will be completed tonight." "You have a silver envelope?" The maid asked and Y/n nodded. "Then I will wait for you at the appointed place.” She started to leave before stopping. “Do not fail us. The mission will be completed tonight.” The maid left the room, closing the door behind her, and leaving Y/n with her worries. How is she supposed to kill the man she loved?

“Y/n, I offer you three things most dear to me: my heart, my country, and my dream.” Sebastian said as they sat together in his room. “You are too generous!” Y/n replied. She tried to keep up the act for as long as possible, but she wasn’t sure if it even was an act anymore. Sebastian quickly turned to look at her. “Y/n you must listen to me. Since that first hour we met I’ve been completely yours! There’s never been anyone else for me and there never will.” Her face filled with panic hearing his words and knowing what she had to do. “Oh, please please don’t say anymore. There are worlds between us, worlds that can’t be bridged with words.” He stood up and grabbed her hands in his. “You said one night that you wish we were two different people. I think you may have that wish, Y/n.” “But, what do you mean?” He pulled her to her feet, their hands still held together. “Only that I am close to my victory and my followers may not need so much of my service any longer.” Her eyes were wide and she could barely get her words out. “Close to victory?” “I am going to tell you something tonight, Y/n. Something that will put my life in your hands.”

“Your.. life?” She didn’t want to hear what he was saying. He was close to victory? She had to hurry with this mission, but she couldn’t find it in herself to do it. “It would mean my life will be used to get to certain circles, yes.” “Then don’t tell me. How do you know that you can trust me?” He really shouldn’t. After everything they’ve been through, every walk, every fair, every dinner, it was an act. She was here to kill him. But her act was faltering. “I love you, and I believe you love me.” She was silent for a minute before taking her hands away. “You’re quite wrong. This has been only an adventure to me.” She hoped her words would hurt him more than they hurt her. “That isn’t true, Y/n.” “It is true! You smiled at me, I was flattered. It was an adventure for a holiday mood.” She hoped and prayed her words were like venom to him to make this process all the more easier.

“You may as well take my heart, Y/n. It’s already so full of you. You walked into it the day we met.” He was basically on his knees now, his hands on his chest over his heart. She looked down at him with forced disgust. “You’re a fool, Sebastien, best of all.” “Isn’t any man who falls in love? Do you know what you are to me? You’re something to believe in again. You’re a type of person that had ceased to exist for me. A fine and honest woman.” She mentally cringed at the word honest, a twinge of guilt throwing itself on the already growing pile. His hands were now on her thighs, fingering the lace of her skirt. His touches were gentle as he begged. She had to force herself to step away from him. “Oh darling, you are such a child! Take your foolish little dream and your heart and go!” Her eyes brimmed with tears as she pleaded. “Please go!” “What is it, what’s wrong, my dear?” He stood back up to be eye level with her.

“You know nothing about me. You’ve known me only three weeks!” She spoke through her tears. “Three weeks? Y/n, I have known you all my life!” “All your life!” She scoffed. “It’s true. Why, I’ve seen you in a thousand plays, read you in as many books. When I’ve listened to beautiful music I’ve thought, ‘she’d like this.’ I’ve looked at flowers and known that one day I’d give them to you.” He took her tear stand face between his hands, but she pushed him away. “Oh stop, stop! You must listen to me, I’m not that woman! Perhaps I was once, but I’m not now. You see, you were wrong. You can’t trust me.” She turned away from him, not bearing to be able to look him in the eyes any longer. “Are you trying to tell me that someone whose name we both know and won’t mention sent you?”

She turned around, dumbfounded at his words. “What are you saying?” “You see, I’ve known all along. I had Ominis look you up the day you arrived.” Her jaw was slightly dropped and her eyes wide. “And- and it didn’t make any difference?” Sebastian walked over towards her, pulling her in. He cupped her cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. He pulled away and looked her deep in her eyes. “It didn’t make any difference. You see, I trust you. You came here to betray me. That is your mission, Y/n L/n. And yet, I am so sure of my love that I will trust you with my life and what is more valuable-the lives of my people.”

“I will betray you.” She says not breaking eye contact. “If you do, you will betray yourself at the same time.” She nods. “Yes. “Yes I know.” “So, you shall know my secret. Even now as we sit here, there is a great network growing tighter around the Wizard nations around the world. Treaties, pacts, alliances being formed against the man who sent you. Tonight I will sign a pact that will set the wheels in motion to destroy him.” “Destroy him?! No!” She tried to step away from him again but he held her close. “He’s made many mistakes. The greatest of all was sending you here, Y/n.” “Why?” “He knew I should love you, but he didn’t guess that you would fall in love with me.”

“No… he didn’t guess that.” “Then you see that you must betray him.” His hand was still on her cheek, drawing small circles with his thumb. “If I betray you, I betray myself. If I betray him, I betray my school. My school is very dear to me.” “Dearer than I?” “No..” She felt like she was melting with his words. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t betray Sebastian and kill the only one she has ever loved like this. “Oh no, not dearer than you.” “Then, will you help me defeat him?” “Help you? Defeat him?” He nodded. “By telling me his plans. That’s the only way I can defeat him. We can’t both win, you see, Y/n?”

“I’m beginning to see.” She’s losing herself to his words, his touch, his face, his lips. She’s losing herself to him. “Then you will help me.” “By giving you any information I may possess concerning our plans?” “Yes.” She’s silent before pushing herself away from him again. “You’re very clever, aren’t you? Oh, I can read you like a book now. You thought I was young and easily swayed.” She pointed a finger at his chest. “That you could make me love you and that I would throw away my school, my duty for you?!”

“That’s not the way to look at it, Y/n.” He put his hand on her arm but she snatched it away. “You weren’t so wise after all, because you’ve lost, you hear me?! Lost! You’ve guessed wrong in our little duel of wits. You forgot how close hate is to love.” “You don’t know what you’re saying, Y/n!” She pulls out her wand and points it to him. “I know exactly what I’m saying! You never loved me!You knew that I loved you and you used that!”

“Y/n stop talking like a child, we’re playing for power now!” Her voice had become eerily calm as she now spoke with a bit of force and fury. “Yes, we are, aren’t we? This is a wand in my hand, Sebastian. I’d advise you to be careful what you say.” His face immediately turned to one of amusement. “Well, rather melodramatic, aren’t you? Tell me, will I be the second flick of your wand ir the third?” He chuckles. “Mind if I stretch?” “Stretch?” She was confused by his amusement of the situation. Like, for Godric’s sake she had a wand in her hand and he didn’t. “I always stretch before a duel.”

“You can do anything you please, Sebastian. But you have very little time to do it in.” Her wand is still pointed at his chest, the same smirk on his face. His eye brows raise a bit at her words. “You mean you’re actually going to kill me?” “I mean just that.” Her words were firm on the outside, but she was still debating her decisions. “Well, go ahead.” “I’ll do this my own way. Look, you already know my purpose in being here. Now you will either give me my information or I will kill you. You have till nine o’clock.” The clock on the wall read 8:57.

“You won’t do it. You can’t pull the trigger. You can’t pull it because you love me. It takes a very brave and a very cold woman to do that, Y/n, and I don’t think you can. Isn’t that true? Isn’t that why you’re waiting?” “That’s not true.”

“Or is it that you want to watch your victim? You want my heart to constrict with agony, my hands to shake. You want me to plea for my life so you can make a generous gesture and spare me. Sorry, Y/n, I don’t seem to be much in the mood for prayers tonight.” With a shrug of his shoulders and a tilt of his head he spoke. Sebastian knew her. He knew so much about her in only a matter of days it shocked her.

“You don’t think I’ll do it. That’s why you’re so brave-you don’t think I’ll do it. You wouldn’t be so brave otherwise. You’re a coward at heart! You lied to me, you deceived me!” “You tried to deceive me.” Her grip on her wand tightened. “I’m tired of listening to you.” She spoke.

“You gave me your heart, you know. You’d like me to hand it back, whole again. But I won’t. You’ll live a long time yet, Y/n, and eternity without me. You will look into the faces of passersby, hoping for something that will, for an instant, bring me back to you. You will find moonlit nights strangely empty because, when you call my name through them, there will be no answer. Always your heart will be aching for me and your mind will give you the doubtful consolation that you did a ‘brave thing.’”

Tears began to pour down her face once more as she looked at him angrily. “You dare talk about bravery?” “What else do we have to talk about, Y/n? For me, there will never be another woman but you. For my heart there is another love that must come before you, my followers. You’re so still. Your face is like ice. What are you thinking about, Y/n?” She hadn’t moved in a minute. Her tears were drying and the time now read 8:59.

Her voice is quiet. “What does anything you can say matter? You betrayed me with words. What good are words when your heart is breaking? If I fail now, I shall deserve to die. You tricked me into loving you.” “Aren’t you forgetting that you came here for the same purpose?”

“I couldn’t betray you. I tried to tell you. You said you already knew. I was as honest as I knew how to be.” Sebastians voice began to raise as he spoke. “Do you think I wanted to love you? Knowing where you came from and what your mission was? Don’t you suppose that every hour we were together Iw as thinking ‘she’s just pretending’?” “I wasn’t! I loved you!” Y/n screamed.

“And I loved you so much I let you pretend! Because you brought something to my days I couldn’t stand the thought of losing. Listen to your heart, Y/n. Feel it pounding.” She took a deep breath as the clock on the wall struck nine. “Your time is up.” She says coldly. “And my last words-I love you Y/n” “You determine to die with a lie on your lips?! Avada kedavra!” She screamed as she shot the spell towards him. “I- love you Y/n.” He groaned as his body hit the floor. “Oh Godric!” Her voice was shakey. She ran out of the room and down the hall.

“Ominis. Ominis.” Sebastian weekly called from in the room. Ominis cane running in. “Sebastian, I heard the spell.” “Help me up, I will be alright.” He grunted in pain as Ominis helped him up. “Oh, I knew you shouldn’t have come here. I’ll get a doctor.” Ominis tried to rush out the door before Sebastian stopped him. “No! No no it’s too late.”

“I waited by the door like you told me too. I watched her run down the stairs. Please, let me get a doctor.” “No, Ominis. I want you to send a message at once. The usual destination.” Ominis nodded. “‘Black, the masquerade is over. Ex. 32 reports that Y/n L/n is trustworthy and loyal. You may intrust in her care any documents. She will not betray you. Report case 255 closed. Ex. 32.’ Conceal it as usual, Ominis, in a silver envelope.” “Please let me call her back. You must tell her the truth before it’s too late.” Ominis begged.

“Tell her the truth? Tell her the truth so that she will watch the stars through tears instead of following the one cold star that is her destiny? No, no, Ominis. Let her think I never loved her. One day she will follow a flag to the same fate as mine. We must leave her the strength for that hour.”

THE END

#fanfic #hogwarts legacy #reader insert #dangerously yours #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #sebastian sallow x reader #oneshot

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vincent-sinclair-deserved-better · 1 year

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Let's Be Alone, Alone Together

You're having a weird day and feeling down, your secret admirer reaches out to try and comfort you

Characters: The Patron x Reader

Words: 3038

Content warnings: Loneliness, maybe allusions to a panic attack towards the end? I was just going with the flow, the reader-insert was just doing whatever they wanted.

divider by firefly-graphics

The screen of your laptop was emitting a dim, blue-ish light, the video frozen where you’d paused it some time ago. You’d noticed your attention drifting off, constantly losing track of what was going on, so you had decided to take a moment to finish your train of thought, which had since been forgotten. Muscle memory had you reach for the mouse and move it when the screen went dark, displaying the message that it was going to shut off due to inactivity. It wasn’t like you needed it, you weren’t even looking, but force of habit didn’t care.

With a sigh, you leaned back in your chair and started the video again, having to go back quite a bit in order to find something you remembered seeing. Yet it wasn’t long before you caught yourself staring off into space again, the video just indistinct background noise, incapable of pierce the fog in your head. Nothing seemed to get through to you, no matter what you tried. You hadn’t been able to remain focused on anything all day, instead being stuck in that weird space of mental dullness and exhaustion, with the faint sensation of some stinging emotion lingering beyond the surface.

As much as you loathed this emotional limbo you were in, you didn’t want to go down that road either. Before you’d realise what was happening, you’d find yourself falling down a rabbit hole you really did not wish to explore.

Pressing the spacebar to pause the video again happened with hardly a thought, and you absentmindedly reached for your phone as you stood up to get something to drink. You unlocked your phone and opened your go-to social media app on instinct, the action almost being a Pavlovian response to the feeling of your phone in your hand. And again, without you being consciously aware of it, your brain picked up on a small symbol in the notification bar. You’d received a text message.

For a moment you just stared at the screen in confusion. Who would send you a text? Pretty much everyone you knew used some kind of messaging app. It was most likely just some kind of spam, so you put your phone down and took a glass from the cupboard. Up until now, you hadn’t even noticed how thirsty you were, but as you were standing in the kitchen you drank a whole glass of water before getting your go-to comfort beverage.

Only when you were back at your desk you decided to check the message.

And almost drop your phone.

“Good evening, my dear muse,” the message started, immediately making apparent who had sent it. There was only one person who called you his muse. Your secret admirer. Or, “The Patron”, as he called himself. But you had no idea how he’d gotten your number. Then again, he frequently entered and left your home without leaving any traces, and seemed to know... pretty much everything there was to know about you.

You took a deep breath before looking down at your phone again, “I apologise for contacting you in such a direct manner without prior notice, but I couldn’t help noticing that you’ve appeared as if something was bothering you today. Since I care for you and your well-being, I simply wanted to inquire about how you are feeling and whether everything is alright. Yet, I am aware that I might not necessarily be your first choice of person to discuss such matters with, and will not be offended if you prefer not to respond. Respectfully, The Patron.”

In spite of yourself and the strange headspace you’d been in all day, you found yourself smiling. His choice of words was unusual for sure, but it had something endearing. At first the anonymous notes and gifts had been unsettling to right-out terrifying, there was no way to just ignore the inherent sense of vulnerability that came with knowing someone had been in your home against your will. But aside from that, he had been nothing but a gentleman. Always respectful and kind, at least in his notes. And maybe you were being naïve, but you genuinely did not feel threatened by him.

He made you feel seen.

And not just in the literal sense, though the fact that he was most certainly watching you did probably help. If there was anyone you could talk to, why not the mysterious faceless stranger who already seemed to know more about you than anyone else? Plus, he’d asked. You wondered if texting his “muses” was something he did regularly or if you were special.

“Good evening yourself,” you began, the ability to form sentences disappearing right as you began typing. Was this appropriate? To be so casual? You certainly didn’t want to write like him, it would feel pretentious and for all you knew he might take it as you mocking him. Still, did he expect you to be more respectful? What exactly did his question entail? How much did he want to know? How long had he been watching you?

While you were trying to keep up with your thoughts, your phone buzzed. Another message.

“Apologies again, you appear agitated which wasn’t my intention. Please, feel free to just forget what I said.”

You deleted what little you had written and typed without thinking, “No no, it’s alright, really. I’m just overthinking.”

“My response, I mean,” you added, “Or, well, how to respond.”

You knew that you weren’t particularly eloquent at the best of times, but right now you felt like a bumbling fool, “I’m sorry, I’m just not good with words sometimes.”

“You have nothing to feel sorry about, my love, you are doing just fine.”

Oddly enough, his response actually managed to calm you. Alright. He didn’t think you were stupid. And apparently you cared about getting his approval. Which was something to think about... later. Maybe.

Staring down at the words on your phone, you realised that you’d probably gone through more actual emotions within the last ten minutes than the entire rest of the day, which made you snort.

“Well, that’s good to know. And to be honest, the same goes for you. Nothing to apologise for, you’re only being nice, checking in on me and all,” you typed, trying to just write what you were thinking, just like you normally did. These were text messages, not some extravagant letter or formal essay, “On that note, you’re right about something bothering me. Or having bothered me? Me being weird today.”

You were still attempting to decide what to write next when he replied, “Thank you for telling me this. Making you feel uncomfortable or stressed is the last thing I want. Am I correct to assume that you do not mind conversing with me in this fashion then?”

You snorted and felt another smile form on your face.

“Yeah, that’s right,” you wrote, and then took a moment to add, “Actually, and I know this will probably sound silly, but I think it’s kind of nice to... get to talk to you, I guess? As fun and intriguing as a mystery can be, having something more substantial and real is comforting too.”

Comforting?

There it was, that stinging feeling buried under all the nothingness that had occupied your head all day, the unwanted emotions you’d tried to banish into a corner where you didn’t have to face them.

Admitting that you appreciated the comfort your secret admirer’s attention brought had left a moment of vulnerability, just a split-second of acknowledging the fact that there was a desire to be comforted. The faint stinging had found a path through the fog and grown into a sharp pain in your chest, wiping the smile off your face and leaving you with the urge to cry.

The buzzing of your phone pulled you from the vortex of emotion that was threatening to drown you, your Patron saving you once again, “My love, are you alright? What is wrong?”

“I’m just. Lonely,” you typed and hit “Send” without another thought, “I haven’t felt anything all day because I didn’t want to deal with my negative emotions but-”

You let yourself fall back in your seat, trying to calm your breathing. He replied within seconds, seemingly fully focused on the conversation and, therefore, you. Yet, his words weren’t too reassuring, “Is there no one you can contact? Surely one of your friends would agree to talk or meet up with you.”

“Yeah, it’s just... they all got lives. Work. Uni. Hobbies. Everyone who lives close by is so busy I don’t want to bother them, the rest lives at the other side of the country or halfway across the world. I don’t even want to do anything, just, I don’t know, hang out. And I can’t really demand someone to take time out of their day to do nothing with me,” you wrote, fully aware that your friends would probably call you out on your bullshit but still unable to change your attitude.

“Well, now you have this number and my explicit permission to message me whenever you feel like it, although I can’t guarantee that I will always be able to respond right away. I promise that I will get back to you as soon as possible,” came his response and you wondered for a moment what kind of stuff he got up to when he wasn’t watching you. Beyond all the secrecy he most likely was just a normal man. But then again, you didn’t really care. To you, he was The Patron. Your secret admirer. Who reached out to you when he saw you having a bad day.

“So... do you have any plans for the night?” you sent, and immediately regretted it. Way to make things awkward and make yourself seem nosy. You didn’t want the conversation to die down, but you didn’t want to inconvenience him either, “I don’t want to keep you from doing stuff or something.”

You hoped that he didn’t have anything to do though. You didn’t want him to leave yet, to be left with only your thoughts to keep you company.

The screen lit up with his response, “As of now, I do not have any plans, nor did I intent to go anywhere. However, if you ask me to leave, I will.”

“Please don’t,” you wrote, once again faster than your brain could keep up with, sending the message without second thought, “I just... I don’t want to be alone.”

It was harder to admit than you’d expected, and the real issue wasn’t even letting him know – the difficult part was to really and fully admitting this vulnerability to yourself. Wanting, needing felt like a weakness. Being this affected by a simple emotion felt like something you should be ashamed of. The judgemental nature of society was ingrained in your very being, and self-acceptance was hard.

“In that case, I will stay,” he replied and you sighed in relief.

“Thank you,” you typed, “If I could I’d hug you. To be honest, you’re probably lucky that you got some distance from me, I’m so touch-starved I’d be sticking to like a limpet.”

Another painfully honest and awkward message that you hoped wouldn’t upset him or make him feel uncomfortable.

“Considering that, so far, I have been the one to watch and follow you, I do think it has become apparent that I feel somewhat... attached to you. Even if only on a mental level. Not because I don’t want to meet you, but because I cannot bear the thought of scaring you off by becoming too overbearing. Should you wish to see me in person though... that could be arranged. The choice is yours.”

He wanted to meet you. He cared about you and felt attached. He didn’t think your comments were weird or uncomfortable. He also was a stranger and technically stalker. Yet, he had never made you feel threatened. And you were feeling quite lonely.

“Okay, um, if you don’t mind me being kind of a mess right now... could you just maybe knock on the door or something? If you just appear somewhere I might have a heart attack,” you wrote before you could overthink your way out of it. If this was how you were gonna die, so be it. Death by loneliness. Dying for a hug.

“Of course, my dear. I would never want to risk that.”

You felt like, if he were the type to use emojis, this message would have some kind of smiling or laughing one behind it. It probably wouldn’t be long before he’d arrive so you rushed to at least brush your hair and wash your face, but that was all you managed. The knocking sounded firm and strong, but still measured. Taking one more calming breath, you reached for the door and opened it.

The person before you certainly was a sight to behold, and you couldn’t help but stare in amazement. The first thing you noticed was that he was tall enough to almost hit his head on the doorframe, which you then discovered was due to the quite unique boots he was wearing. Shiny, black leather reached past his knees, though you did not allow your gaze to linger too long, that matched his equally shiny gloves which went halfway up his upper arm. His white shirt was buttoned up all the way, and silky, waist-length black hair fell over a green coat.

“It’s really you,” you said, internally cringing at the profundity of the statement.

He chuckled in response, the sound alone making you want to squeal, and replied, “I would certainly hope so. I don’t know who else I would be.”

You realised that you couldn’t make out his face, it seemingly being covered by some kind of dark material, but you decided not to care, “Uh, well then, come in.”

The scent sandalwood lingered in the air as he walked past you, and every fibre of your being wanted to just throw yourself into his arms. As if it wasn’t enough for him to be kind and attentive, he also had to have a nice voice and smell good. Obviously.

Closing the door behind him took less time than you would have wanted it to because now you were faced with the decision of what to do. Sure, you’d “threatened” to hug him, but he probably did not actually want that to just happened. You’d at least have to ask. Which would be awkward. What were you even doing?

“My love, are you feeling okay? You seem tense. If you changed your mind-”, he began but you interrupted him before you could stop yourself, “No no, it’s okay I’m alright, just nervous because I guess I kind of didn’t expect this to even happen and I’m not good with people and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or regret having come here or get annoyed or end up feeling disappointed because I’m just. I’m just... me.”

You felt him look at you despite being unable to see his eyes and watched him slowly extend a hand towards you, like he was approaching a scared animal and trying not to scare it, “I think that it could help you to sit down for a moment, if that is alright with you?”

You just nodded, grabbing his hand like a lifeline, and let him lead you to the living room. Maybe it should have been disconcerting how well he knew the layout of your home, but at this moment you were relieved. Breathing was hard and your heart was racing while your mind refused to focus. The softness of the sofa cushions barely registered to your brain, and it was only when you felt the cool leather of his gloves clasping your hands that you were able to somewhat centre yourself.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what- I mean why, or-”, you started, voice shaky and rough, but the Patron – your Patron – stopped you, “There is nothing to apologise for, you just got a little overwhelmed, it happens. What matters is that you are back here now, alright? I’ve got you; you are safe.”

He handed you a glass filled with water and steadied your still shaking hand while you emptied the whole thing, but when he offered to refill it, you shook your head. Instead, you hesitantly reached for his hand and gently tugged, trying to get him to sit next to you. He watched you for a moment, seeming to be thinking, before lowering himself onto the sofa next to you. Without another thought you let yourself fall against him, clinging to his arm before he gently removed it to put it around you instead, allowing you to rest against his chest.

The fabric of his shirt was soft under your hand, and the heat of his body along with his steady heartbeat were slowly calming your nerves. His hair tickled your cheek but you didn’t mind, just closing your eyes and trying to focus on the different sensations. The weight of his arm holding you, the way his soft breath brushed over the hair on your head. The scent of sandalwood, more prominent on him than in the air, but also a hint of something citrusy, plus the smell and coffee and books. It was comforting on such a deep level, you wanted to just sink into the feeling, let his warmth envelope you, melt against him and don’t think anymore.

You felt yourself dozing off and sat up lightly and were about to apologise but the Patron was faster, “It’s alright, my sweet muse, you can sleep. You need rest.”

He was right, and you didn’t have the energy to argue, so you just returned to your previous position.

“Will you wake me so I can go to bed before you leave?” you managed to mumble, already half asleep.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” was his only response and you drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat, feeling a sense of safety and calm you hadn’t experienced in a long time.

The Patron is @solmints-messyocdiary's OC

taggedy tag-tag: @bluecoolr @ace-of-hearts-and-spades @visceravalentines @probably-a-plant-thing @rottent33th @the-pinstriped-hood @cyanide-latte @goldrose-star @myers-meadow @immortal-velociraptor @devil-doll13 @shonkgobonk @darklylucid

#cylas writes #me: oh yeah I'm just gonna finish this thing from yesterday #also me: writes another 1673 words #*inhumane screeching*#i am tired now so if the ending/last third or fourth sucks - that's why #almost 12 am is late for lil ol me #i am already the ripe age of 24 after all

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laylajeffany · 5 months

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Hi! As you can probably guess, I completely love Chaos, and I have a few more questions. Thanks for the playlist by the way, it’s been all I’ve listened to since you linked it. Sorry for all the questions, I’m just curious.

1) In the Spotify playlist, the first song is “Sea, swallow me”. Is that song referenced somewhere in the fic, or does it just give off a general Chaos vibe? I’ve been trying to remember if it was mentioned somewhere but cant recall. As an additional Note, it is my new favourite song, so thanks!

2) You mentioned that all the OCs appearances are physically based on real people. Who are Dr Zypher, Emiliana and Holly-Jane based on? Is Emiliana based off of Eva Green, because thats how I imagine her. You’ve done an excellent job with the OCs, they’re just so perfect.

3) When you describe clothing, do you make them up in your mind or doe they actually exist? I get that some, like the custom ordered dresses in the latest chapter, must be made up, but are some of them real? Do you have some Pinterest board with all of their clothes just to keep track? 😂

4) How do you find time to write? I write 1000 words for my fic every day, and it takes me about an hour. 50K chapters in 2 weeks is a miracle. Do you sleep?

I’ve probably forgotten a question or two, so I hope you don’t mind if I ask more in the future😅

Thank you for all you do, I’ve never been so invested in a fic before. Just remember to relax and take breaks when you need it, don’t force yourself to write on 2 hours sleep!

I am happy to answer questions about Chaos for the Fly, the writing process, and other fic/writing related things. Thank you for your interest! 1. I think I referenced near the beginning somewhere that Wednesday had discovered some music on her own outside of classical when she accepted an algorithm to suggest songs for her. It had been 80s imports of some kind - and that was probably the one that I had in mind, even if it wasn’t mentioned specifically. There’s probably a few songs that weren’t actually mentioned by name but were alluded to in the fic - meaning I didn’t say the title in dialogue, but had something playing in the background for myself, and there you have it. 2. You have opened a VERY DANGEROUS can of worms with this question, lmfao.

You are a dead ringer for Emiliana! That’s Eva Green, 100%, the ONLY person who could play the role. It would be like a touch of Penny Dreadful for the out-of-her-damn-mind demon possession vibes, but mostly, just as herself (she’s cray and I love how socially awkward and accidentally funny she is in interviews) not so much Vanessa Ives. Eva Green has worked with Tim Burton a ton of times and wouldn’t even need a single line of direction in this role. Emi is SO easy to write because she is pure chaos both in physicality, mentally, her linguistics, her magic, and personality. I honestly think she’s one of the characters I’m saddest isn’t real because she’d fit in to drive Wednesday absolutely MAD as her big bird. I have a feeling we’re not going to explore Raven lore in S2 and the two of them trying to figure out their powers together, after Emiliana spent half her life suffering alone, has been some of my favorite parts of the fic to write. I always write scenes with Emiliana the fastest. Her love of Beanie Babies and bad influence is entirely, too much fun. Her voice is so easy and she will never truly understand American idioms.

Dr. Zypher is AMY ADAMS, because GAY-ME, for Amy Adams. She’d absolutely crush the role, the fact that she doesn’t have a closet full of Oscars is just despicable (6 time nominee bro). SHE HAS THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL and I don’t think anyone ever lets her sing enough in movies. Put this woman in some broadway revival of an old musical and you’ll catch me personally saving the economy from collapse by taking the train up to see her every weekend. She's so adaptable and different in any role, and I just feel like she’d volley SO WELL with JO’s Wednesday. She's a professional who understands character layers that sweet and angsty Josie requires.

Dr. Holly is Emily Blunt plucked right from the Jungle Cruise movie in terms of how she’s styled but a far cry from her character there with her boldness - even if they would likely have competing career ambitions. ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN EMILY BLUNT IN ALL THE SUITS IN THE NEW NETFLIX PAIN HUSTLER MOVIE? I’m deceased. This is a ghost writing. Holly is really in the story 1) because I needed a plot line for Larissa, post-transformation, that didn’t involve Wednesday and was TRAGIC but beautiful and could GO SOMEWHERE, and2) we REALLY do need something to stabilize the molecular structure of shifting-type Outcasts, and 3) it helped give some context as to how desperate Larissa was to hire Normie "Thornhill" and why she took that chance against her usually better judgement- so there she was! Emily Blunt is a CLASS. ACT. In everything she does and I imagine her in a scene with Gwendoline COULD NEVER exist because it would be too powerful, solve all the world’s problems, and capitalism would break, societies would collapse. It could never happen. It wouldn’t be safe. Here’s her glow up, from fresh-out-of-the jungle, to letting Larissa buy her some new clothes and maybe letting her hair down every now and then, to nerdy botanist bombshell, at the New Nevermore Network, helping her girl rebuild things to be a more fair society for Outcasts. GORGE.

ARE THESE ALL JUST WOMEN IN THEIR MID 40s THAT I HAVE A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON? YEAH, YEAH THEY ARE. There’s obviously more for staff at Nevermore and the Network but I have a solid 5k to get to writing still this evening. The rest of my OCs are pretty minor (well villain aside), and I don’t really care enough about any man to spend the time looking for pictures of /boys/. These are the 3 OCs that are featured the most, anyway. Some day I’ll find enough energy to do the rest. I have extreme face-blindness when I read, and the ONLY WAY I can thusly write an OC is if my beta makes a powerpoint presentation for me with an actor/ress in mind for me to visualize in the role. When I tell ya, she hit the nail on the head with those three above? Unbelievable. Another favorite not-OC, but someone I HARDCORE RECASTED FOR THIS would be Granny Frump. We went from Margaret Hamilton (OG Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz) in the 1960s Addams Family, which is EXCELLENT CASTING, but to fit the more modern-era Wednesday 2022 adaptation, and to give a flair of the drama as to perhaps where Morticia “gets it from,” I decided to cast someone only two years older than Catherine Zeta-Jones to give that “Frump Homespun Magic” storyline some weight of ‘the potions and beauty charms work’ and went with a non-actress, for the aesthetics (though she could KILL IT her appearances are small), and that is the one and only, What Not To Wear’s Stacy London.

Like IMAGINE that matching vibe with CZJ’s Morticia? Stacy has similar build/some features in common, and with the all black hair BUT WITH HER SIGNATURE gray stripe? Iconic. (And that was also Grandpa “Clint’s” backstory last chapter, as in Stacy and Clinton’s dramatic saga. HEY - IF YOU DONT HAVE INSIDE JOKES WITH YOUR BETA in your writing, what’s the point??) Stacy’s voice and CZJ’s Morticia voice together would be SO GRATING and Wednesday would just be so in-her-element between them, I LIVE. 3. I usually just visualize what I’d want the characters to wear! I don’t often have picture inspiration - though sometimes I am writing and it says in bold highlight DESCRIBE THE DRESS - TRACEY FIND ME A DRESS, and she sends me some pictures to go through so I can just describe a garment without having to make it up. I don’t have a Pinterest I’d be willing to share. It’s just a binder full of women in a way that would probably unsettle most.

4. I usually write about 2-2.5k an hour if that is all I’m focused on. I probably average 4-9k on a work day without a second job or social obligation after work, and the most I’ve ever written on a single day that I had no work, other ‘sponserbilities, or social plans was 21k. On an average weekend with like one thing to do during the day and some chores and relaxation time not writing, I probably go around 14-16k per day. At the same time I started this fic, I set a new year resolution to myself to only work my contracted hours, so with the exception of a few crazy times in the school year - like conferences - I work from 8:00-15:30 M-F, and I live a three minute walk from my school, so I don’t even lose time commuting. I also stopped working on weekday evenings on the side in August, and starting in 2024 will not be doing any extra side work at all. I don’t sleep great but I do try! :) Thanks for the questions! I've been meaning to give some faces to those 3 OCs. I strongly encourage you to print out pictures of them and post them on your fridge, you will be 100% happier if you do.

#chaos for the fly #layla answers fic questions

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turtlecleric · 4 months

Text

Okay. I'm rereading Symphony after the Chapter 20 bombshell because I am so Very Unwell, and I'm keeping track of my thoughts here. SPOILERS for Symphony, obviously. I quote the fic a lot, and those quotes are in bold.

[I'm making a new post for this so that it's not so obnoxiously long and annoying for everyone's dash after I finish each chapter. I'll just update this one post instead of adding more and more reblogs.]

Last Chapter Reread: Chapter 20!! This post is finally complete!

Chapter 1

I'm just... I can't stop thinking about Violist-chan right now. Even from the very first chapter, it's established that she (in my opinion) is the type of person who really goes above and beyond to be thoughtful and considerate and just plain nice to people (as long as they aren't complete jerks obviously).

She put together goody bags for her neighbors because she was going to be practicing at home for a bit, and these bags had "ear plugs, ibuprofen, a small gift card to one of the local coffee shops, two homemade cookies, and a card with your handwriting on it" as well as her cell number so people could ask her to stop if need be, like???? Are you kidding me???? That's so much effort and time and actual money spent that she put into that, and she wasn't even close to any of her neighbors (at the time) or anything, she was just being considerate. And then at April's door she offers to go get more cookies for them just to prevent any sort of argument over the cookies. Then offers Casey a discount on violin lessons. Then offers to let him use and potentially buy one of her old violins since he doesn't have one. GIRL. LEO IS RIGHT. YOU'RE TOO NICE.

On another note, have we seen the diagonal neighbor yet that wasn't home when Vi was distributing cookies? I can't remember. I wonder if they're going to be important. I'm not dismissing ANYTHING anymore.

Oh my god. Her talking to April about becoming friends -> Quick, what’s something friends do together?! “We can… grab coffee sometime?” Shit, shit, that’s a date thing, right? Fuck!

Then just after, when she's alone -> “…Friend,” you echo stupidly, trying to think of when was the last time someone had called you that. To put it gently, that's not the word most people use to describe you. THIS HURTS ME. VIOLIST DEFENSE SQUAD ROLL OUT FOR REAL, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?? SO WHAT, HAVE PEOPLE JUST BEEN NEGLECTING AND USING HER HER ENTIRE LIFE??? I'M SO ANGRY. (But also, Grace and Sinclair are perfectly nice and friendly... I feel like Vi really struggles with making and keeping friends? So she just. Keeps herself so busy that she doesn't have time to think about how actually lonely she really is?)

that little mindfulness trip you were pretending you were definitely going to take this year no really this time is also off the books

She straight up does not take care of herself and kind of knows that? She's never her own first priority. God.

A sense of unworthiness slides down your spine like ice; it doesn’t feel proper for you to receive praise for something that should just be normal.

The first time I read this I remember thinking that she was such a good person for this mentality, but now this makes me think of the (Stupid girl. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid) stuff we've been getting lately. I'm so sad for her, I wonder if she's always struggled with negative thoughts and feelings about herself and the relationship with Alopex made it worse?

You look tired, you think, studying the bags under your eyes and the frown on your face. Do you always look this tired? Is this the face everyone sees you wear? Is this how the world knows you?

Once again. I am so sad for her.

When April runs into her and her laundry goes everywhere and she just. 'It's okay, I got it, go on, don't worry' like I'm??? SO????? I'm not mad at April or anything obviously, but this is just another instance of Vi putting herself last, behind literally everyone else. ALL SHE DOES IS GIVE GIVE GIVE.

What an excellent introduction to her character.

---

Chapter 2

Vi talking about the proper sitting technique with Casey - "You’ll get used to it. Maybe someday you’ll be like me and that’s just how you sit now.”

This is hitting me because yes obviously she's a professional musician so it makes perfect sense, but also the idea of doing something that starts out as uncomfortable for so long, over and over and over, until it feels natural to you... kind of like how she's made being alone (in the ways that matter), staying busy, and putting others first into her normal.

God. Casey still, even after so long, having to remind himself that his life is no longer a genuine toss up every day. "Plenty of time" must have been such a foreign concept that he still struggles with at times.

Vi is genuinely so funny. I need to shower her in compliments immediately.

Ooh, you misread that one. ... “Sorry, I just assumed-"

GOD. Vi seeing a relationship between Casey and April where there wasn't one (yet). This hits different after chapter 20. Fuck.

you’re kind of desperate for pleasant things at the moment

I'm going to cry. This is literally only the second chapter and nothing has really happened yet but I'm really realizing how much I love Vi and want her to be happy. I want her to be taken care of so badly. My heart aches for her.

Donnie: "I apologize. I misunderstood.” HM. ANOTHER NOD TO MISUNDERSTANDINGS. This has GOT to be intentional. I'm so angry (impressed).

Vi, to Donnie about Casey: "if I find out that you’re being a dick, we’re going to have words.” She's so fiercely protective of others. But for herself??? Nah. Let it go, be the bigger person, blah blah blah. I'm going to fling myself into the sun.

---

Chapter 3

Baking apology cookies for April and Donnie. ONCE AGAIN. VI IS TOO NICE. GOD.

“Typical Donnie stuff,” April says, opening the oven to check on whatever smells amazing inside. “Being a smug little buttface. Jumping to conclusions. Running his big mouth.”

YEAH. YEP. TYPICAL DONNIE STUFF. GOD.

Vi just. So easily and quickly forgiving Donnie after their first meeting. Despite her justifiable anger. I'm. Gritting my teeth. (I LOVE Donnie, I will ALWAYS be a Donnie girl, but I cannot help being so, so angry with him after chapter 20.)

Leo's first appearance!! God I love him so fucking much. (I cannot wait for his talk with Vi whenever we finally make it to Saturday in the fic. I'm also slightly terrified that whatever he tells Vi will be some sort of... betrayal? I don't think my heart could take being upset with both Donnie AND Leo... we'll see.)

The pressure that Vi felt while Leo was studying her... I'm still wondering if the pressure was an actual like... mystical thing, somehow? Or if it's just his Presence, if he's just that good, that he can make his scrutiny something almost physical.

him not knowing you well enough to know you don’t normally look this exhausted

Is that even true, though? I feel like Vi IS always exhausted. How could she not be? Literally HOW does she even function, honestly?

"They’d have to get through me if they wanted to do something, and god, April, I was hoping they would, all but begging them to, I was so fucking mad—”

Once again, she is so fiercely protective of others. And I'm almost... worried about it. She really does throw herself in harms way without a second thought. I almost wonder if... some part of her welcomes some kind of... punishment or backlash or something. 'Better me hurt than anyone else' kind of thing, you know? And there was a line a few paragraphs before that - you tug on a lock of hair to distract yourself from getting too worked up - and that, paired with the recent things she's been doing in 20 and 21, gripping her arms and leaving crescent marks, pressing into the bruises Donnie left, only forcing herself to eat in front of Leo so he doesn't worry... all of that is very familiar to me in the worst way. I'm so worried about her.

you look up to see three faces looking at you with various levels of awe. It makes you sick, seeing it, knowing that they think you’re something incredible when you’re just doing the bare minimum. Your arms fold, nails digging into your biceps - again, I remember reading this the first time and thinking she was so great, and she IS, but I'm so so WORRIED about her. Also, once again, the digging nails into her skin thing. Worried. WORRIED.

(I love April so much. God. She deserves more love and attention from me, she really is such a good friend.)

Leo, you note, has been quiet for this entire conversation. You notice it suddenly ... Even when you look at him and his eyes meet your own, staring, staring, he doesn’t say anything, and his face is blank.

I'm obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with whatever is going on in his head. I'm obsessed. I was obsessed then, I'm obsessed now, I will stay obsessed. I love him.

“This was—so amazing, oh my god,” you tell April and Casey. “I’m so glad we’re friends. Can we do this all the time? I’ll bring cookies and bread and stuff.”

SHE'S SO LONELY. SHE JUST WANTS FRIENDS. VI, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. I'M SO GODDAMN SAD.

Leo saying Vi is good with people. And Casey earlier saying that Donnie is NOT good with people. And just. Chapter 20, with her blaming herself for not seeing what was going on. For thinking she's so stupid and everything is on her. Chapter 21, with the (Did you try?). I'm so so angry. I'm sick with it.

Vi is so smart. Putting things together and making connections and realizing things that others might miss - even Leo acknowledges it. So having the chapter 20 realization... more and more I'm convinced that, yeah sure Vi is an unreliable narrator, but I REALLY feel like Donnie is just a fucking idiot (I mean that so affectionately, I promise).

"I’d… like to have more nights like this one. To. To have a family. If I can.” “You can,” he says, reaching out a hand and laying it over yours...

Then Leo talking about how you're like Donnie, implying how it'd be fun to watch Vi and Donnie get closer... does Leo feel guilty over this now? Now that Vi is so fucking... Hurt? Does he partly blame himself for the pain she's experiencing now?

you do feel a small twinge of sympathy for how easily he dismisses his troubles

OH OTHERS DISMISSING THEIR TROUBLES???? HM. HM.

Finally, sure you’re alone and no one’s here to ever know, you let yourself cry.

Seriously, I am on the Violist defense squad for life. I would die for her. God.

---

Chapter 4

Normally you’d ignore it [her phone going off], since it’d be something innocuous like a bank notification, or maybe something as spicy as a wrong number. But you have, like, friends now.

:( just. Reiterating how goddamn lonely she is. My eyes are actually watering over this. WE'RE NOT EVEN TO THE BIG STUFF YET AND I'M SO FUCKING SAD.

having to do a double-take when you see yourself looking positively ghoulish

Does she ever describe herself as looking good?? I'm thinking back to the aquarium, surely she thought she looked nice for that, at least, but aside from then I can't remember??? Has Donnie even once called her beautiful or pretty or even nice looking? I can't REMEMBER and I'm having FEELINGS about it.

Agreeing to make Casey some bread immediately upon being asked, even though she'd have to go to the store to get everything she needs. I get the feeling she is like 'if I make myself useful, if I pair my presence with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around' and I don't know how unconscious that whole thought process is for her but I'm seeing it a lot.

Now that you’re keeping your window locked pathologically, the old game of sneaking in via the fire escape is off the table.

Wait... did I miss something about the window staying locked? Hang on what the fuck. Is this a throwaway line or does this mean something? HANG ON I'M PANICKING NOW WHY WAS THIS ONCE A THING BUT NOW IT'S NOT????

the more you forget to eat during the season

Do not like this. That it's just normal for her to forget to eat so often during the season. This is probably just me looking into it too deeply, I know people do this all the time, but I Do Not like it and I need someone to take care of her so badly. Like Leo has been doing lately, tbh. She deserves the world. (Am I... falling in love with the fucking insert character? I might be. Dammit.)

(Mikey appears!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH)

Donnie to Vi at the store: “You look a lot less like you got hit by a garbage truck."

BOY IF YOU DON'T- HHHHHHHH I'M FINE.

“I’d been under the impression that you had your feelings hurt by what I’d said,” he says, raising his fingers and curling them into quotes around the word. ... "...apologies are dumb.”

Clenching. My. Jaw. I love him, I find him so charming and funny, but knowing about chapter 20 just has me so full of rage that these little comments are killing me now.

Aaaand Vi agreeing to make Leo cookies now. Once again. Doing things for others. Almost constantly, honestly.

it’s more a stress thing than a hobby [Vi talking about baking]

Hm. Her stress response is to be busy/useful to others. Hmmmmm.

While making bread for Casey, she made a whole other loaf of bread just for Leo. And then when Casey slips up about saying he'd never touched an oven before - you shrug one shoulder to show you’re chill with the secret. “…It’s, uh. Not impossible to believe, I guess?” you say, hoping to comfort. - she is always so focused on making others feel better. Constantly. Repeat after me: trauma.

"You’ve proved yourself to be a capable consultant."

Pursing my lips at this comment from Donnie.

You’re almost certainly projecting, but you tuck away the feeling nonetheless.

Pursing. My. Lips.

Vi: “…Sorry, I’m, uh. Kind of new to the friend thing. I’m still learning.”

Donnie: “Well, that won’t be a problem you’ll have for long. Practice makes perfect, and as a perfectionist myself, I’ll ensure your training will be thorough.”

This just. I. I know I've got a lot to reread before we get to the "relationship" but like??? I can't remember, but is he still under the impression that he's training her in friendship while he's fucking her? Yes, it's an experiment, but?????? Even then?????? I'M?????? I cannot fathom- I just don't- UGH THIS STUPID FUCKER

---

Chapter 5

God. The insights into Donnie's issues. Hits me just as hard the second time around. It... does soften my anger with him a little. To remind myself how intense his touch aversion was/is.

My heart still aches for Vi, obviously, but my heart aches for Donnie, too. He's doing the best he can with what he's got - like most people. I love him to death and I want him to be happy, too. He's not the villain. He can be a jerk, yeah, but the bombshell in chapter 20 to me really is just a misunderstanding. He's not being cruel. He just doesn't understand. (UNLESS I'M WRONG. IN WHICH CASE. DEATH.) But genuinely... it's just a tragic situation right now. Anyway, back to chapter five.

“…Can you check up on him for me?” you ask Leo, bringing your hands to your chest and curling them together in a self-soothing gesture. “I’m worried I might have upset him, somehow. He was okay until I asked him about it.”

Sorry I'm back on my "Vi deserves the world, she cares so much about others, always thinks of others and tends to blame herself for things too often, I'm going to lose my mind" bullshit.

"…He seems lonely.”

YOU SEEM LONELY. VI. I AM HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN.

---

Chapter 6

You, for one, are still feeling a little awkward from whatever hot mess had happened over dinner last night and hadn’t felt comfortable being the first one to reach out despite Leo’s wordless promise that things were fine.

Donnie, it seems, does not share the same issue, or at least has overcome it. …Then again, it’s completely possible that you’re overthinking all of this, you suppose, texting him back as if nothing had happened.

I can only wonder about the difference we'll see between this and what happens when Vi and Donnie talk now (after the incident in Chapter 20). I'm HOPING there is open and honest communication... but we'll see.

You’re not exactly sure what’s going on between your ears, but it’s starting to leak out and project your thoughts onto others, making you see things.

:( so mad at myself. So goddamn mad I never saw the unreliable narrator thing coming. She WASN'T just seeing things here, but still. Little hints here and there like this are slapping me in the face now.

"I don’t want you to hurt your hand.”

Your chest squeezes a bit at his care

The bar is on the floor honestly. She needs someone to care about her enough that something like that doesn't give her that kind of reaction.

(Even with my anger and sorrow for Vi, Donnie still has me falling for him as I reread this. God.)

[April talking] “…I knew you were a good one,” she says, causing you to scoff and turn your face when you feel it warm. “Nuh uh, you’re gonna take the compliment this time, girlie.” Yes April!! My girl!!! She really is so amazing.

“Wow! I see no one but Donnie loves me,” you gripe

Hey what's up I'm crying

Vi making a mental note to make everyone a batch of cookies... I won't repeat myself. Okay, fine, I will - if I can manage to stay useful, if I can pair myself with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around.

(On a side note........ Mikey refers to Leo's thirst traps on his So-Shell account...... I would like to see them)

“Any idea why Donnie’s looking at you like you’re the first slice of pepperoni pizza from a particularly yummy-smelling box?”

Leo once again teasing you about Donnie...

[Vi Talking] "This is so nice. I like hanging out here.”

WHY CAN'T I HUG HER. WHY. LET ME HUG HER.

Jeez rereading this reminds me just how much Leo was sort of playing matchmaker between Vi and Donnie. He HAS to feel guilty now. Mad at Donnie, yeah, but also so guilty over all the things he did to push and encourage and tease.

You’ve been hugged more in the last few days than you probably have your entire life, and it feels so, so good, like you’re loved and you belong and they’re telling you that with their bodies as much as their words.

ONCE AGAIN. MAY I PLEASE HUG HER. That section is about how Donnie hasn't had that in a really long time, and that is heartbreaking, but I'm still really focused on Vi. Please let me hug her. Please.

---

Chapter 7

It’s tempting to think about the small things he’s done that could be him reciprocating your feelings; how he lets you into his lab, how his eyes consume you, how he lets you touch him, seems to crave it even.

[Through tears] yeah. Easy.

he’s an attractive genius ninja who could have anyone he wanted. And you’re just… you.

JUST YOU??? YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING. I WILL KILL FOR YOU, VI. FUCK.

Vi is so fucking funny. And smart. Well, of course, she's a perfect match for Donnie, and I love Donnie, so it makes sense, but still. I hate that she thinks so lowly of herself.

“Challenge? Absolutely not. I’m not even remotely dressed for that,” you deny, hesitating when Leo rolls his eyes. “…But I guess I can do one song.”

She sees Leo roll his eyes and relents. ONCE AGAIN I may be reading too into things, but I'm getting this... feeling about that. Idk. She WILL chew you out if you're an asshole. She WILL bicker and banter and razz. She isn't a pushover or anything at ALL, but... idk what I'm trying to say. This is making me think that, at least with people she really wants to like her, any sign of them being annoyed or upset by her has her internally scrambling to fix it. I'm probably just protecting here but. Idk.

Leo winking when you go off with Donnie. :(

“I don’t… like it when people touch me,” ... “—but it feels different when it’s you,” he says, and this time when his gaze meets yours, your breath latches in your throat like a lock and his eyes are clouded with a hesitant clarity, like he knows exactly what he’s saying but he doesn’t understand why he’s saying it.

Come on. Come ON. He doesn't understand. This HAS to mirror him not understanding the nature of their relationship later on, right??

It’s possible, you suppose, that you’re misunderstanding what he’s implying—again projecting what you want to hear on his words.

Flinging myself. Into. The sun.

[Donnie's] tone tucking into a more clinical tone like a safety blanket

Just like how viewing the relationship from a strictly clinical, experimental point of view protects him. Am I reading into this right? This is still early, before Vi sees them as having gotten together, but it mirrors what happens later, right? It's a defense thing for him, to see their activities as strictly an experiment and to not let himself look any closer whether he realizes it or not?

(GOD. JUST GOTTA TAKE A BREATHER HERE. THE TOUCH STUFF. I'M WEAK. STILL. I'M WEAK. I CANNOT COMMENT FURTHER ON IT BECAUSE I JUST. GOD.)

“What? I can’t compliment my bestie and her fine legs?” Leo coos, reaching over and flicking your nose gently.

“Leonardo,” Donnie warns, folding his arms.

I'm sorry. What other way is there to read this aside from Donnie already feeling a little possessive over Vi? Also I'm glad Leo is giving her compliments pretty often. SOMEONE needs to.

So many little things that indicate Donnie likes her, really truly likes her... HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BLAME VI WITH ALL THIS BUILDUP AND EVIDENCE. I'M FUCKING. UGHHHH

---

Chapter 8

Having such amazing friends wants you to reach out and have a little piece of that, maybe learn how to be a little amazing yourself, too.

You ARE amazing. I'm crying in the fucking club over Vi. What the FUCK.

God. The anti-mutant guy in the coffee shop. Once again she so easily sticks up for others without a single thought to her own wellbeing. Also, the random guy that stepped in and started beating that fucker... again, I'm not letting anything go. I wonder if he's actually just a random guy or if he's important/will come back into play. Also, Vi getting hurt and thinking "it better not stop me from practicing" like??? I SWEAR. (Workaholic. Must be useful. Must keep going so I don't have time to wallow in loneliness. etc.)

Just noticing, again, how Vi tries so hard to respect boundaries. Not asking April about Casey's past while she talks with April in the coffee shop, even after April lets a little comment slip. She tries to respect boundaries so hard and takes on so much emotional labor. That's not nothing.

Donnie tells her to send another pic of herself in the bath. Says he noticed she wasn't wearing her perfume recently. I'm sorry. WHAT is platonic about that. Literally I do not fucking understand. God. Just fucking shoot me.

Irritable, you at least make yourself useful and clean your apartment

The way she phrases that. Make yourself useful. I'm. SIGH. I need to hug her. It's not a want, at this point, it's a need.

you watch as his brows furrow again, his lips pursing. “…I don’t like this.”

“The bruise? Me neither. It fucking hurts.”

“Someone else’s handprint on you,” he specifies.

Come ON. And then saying he enjoys touching her. COME ON. How is he not in love with her? He's GOTTA be.

She calls him beautiful. He. He doesn't say it back. This kills the man (the man is me). He does say he's enjoying holding her hand, but that's tied back to the experiment. I'm so sad.

When Leo accidentally hurts Vi by pressing the bruise and she is like "it's fine I'm fine" AND moves away so Donnie doesn't touch her because she's hyper aware that Donnie doesn't want Leo to know about the touch thing?? CONSTANTLY. THINKING. OF OTHERS.

“…You don’t even get how incredible you are, do you?” he asks, causing you to roll your eyes. “You seriously don’t see it.”

YES LEO. YES. TELL HER. I'M SO!!!!! UGH.

---

Chapter 9

Wearing a line into your rug, you shake your hands as you fret, brain racing a million miles an hour while your muscles buzz with the need to be productive.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm so sad for her. This is one of the million little things that makes me worry so much over Vi. The need to be productive, the anxiety over it even when she has a legitimate reason to take it easy.

[Leo] His frown deepens, eyes going a little dark with anger. It reminds you, a bit, of the energy you’d felt before he’d known you; when a simple stare had all the hairs on your body standing on end, paralyzed, a rabbit before a stalking wolf.

Sorry, wolf Leo? Sorry, villain au? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh OK ok sorry I'm back to normal Sorry

You swallow at the sight of it, and, needing to soothe, change the subject before he can really engage with it

Needing to soothe. God. GOD. Seriously, I cannot stop thinking about how this might be a result of trauma just because I see it so often with Vi. Like she's... taking responsibility for other people's potential negative emotions/reactions when it's people she's close to. Feeling the need to do anything she can to prevent a blowup or whatever. I'm unwell.

Leo may be better at reading people than you, but you’re still really good.

This kills me. I'm TELLING you, man, Donnie is in love with her and she thought it was a relationship because it SHOULD be, it WOULD be if Donnie wasn't oblivious to his own feelings (or maybe he has different views on what a relationship is? Maybe there are unspoken laws in his head about what constitutes this sort of relationship vs that sort of relationship? Idk I'm honestly sort of an idiot so I'll just have to wait and see what Sam reveals about all this, but I can't help reeling all over again when lines like this pop up).

[Helping Leo relax and sleep] It’s not practicing, but it is something productive you can do, in a way. The need to be useful. Again. I'm crying.

“Want some water? I’ll grab us something.” ... “Sure,” you tell him, knowing he needs to take care, to provide in order to feel in control,

Even letting someone else do something for her is framed as her trying to be useful. I'm FUCKING crying.

So you sit, quiet, letting him use you,

That wording. Letting him use you. God. GOD. I'm not joking when I tell you my heart fucking aches for Vi. This isn't anything bad - she's just helping Leo get some sleep - but the phrasing of letting him use her. I'm so deeply unwell.

[Leo says] “You n’ Donnie really are perfect for each other.”

Yeah. Fuck.

“You work too much, you know that?"

YOU'RE RIGHT, LEO. YOU'RE SO FUCKING RIGHT.

...peering into the plastic bag to find a sweet spread of sushi. Wow, Leo really felt bad about the drool thing, you muse.

Alternatively, he appreciates the fuck out of you. Hang on I'm gonna look Too Hard at this real quick. The idea that Vi naturally defaults to Leo getting her nice sushi because he feels guilty rather than thankful. The idea that she isn't doing anything worthy of appreciation or praise, but rather that he mostly just feels obligated to make up for drooling on her. I need to hug her please. I'm actually begging at this point.

[Thinking about Donnie] It’s ridiculous how he can be so smart and so stupid at the same time

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. FUCK.

“It’s just so funny to think of him apparently hating classical music now, because before, he always used to listen to—” Casey starts lightheartedly, though his jaw snaps shut and his face goes very, very still. Terrorized eyes snap wide on your face like he’s seeing you for the first time, like you’re a myth come to life. ... “…Oh, no,” he warbles, his lips quivering as he looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. Then, with a jolt, he shakes his head, clutching at the back of his nape hard and looking off to the side, a tormented fake smile on his face that looks sharp as a knife and like it’s cutting him just as much to hold it. “I-It’s nothing, just… Just thought about something I’d heard when I was a kid, once. I just… suddenly realized something, is all.” ... He looks like he has War and Peace on the tip of his tongue as he nearly consumes your face, memorizing it even,

OH MY GOD. OUCH. HAHA. HA. YEAH. OKAY. YEAH.

It makes you clutch your biceps, nails digging into your flesh, muscles pulling tight as you fret, fret, fret.

There it is again, the nails digging into skin. A little thing, but it has the potential to be dangerous, or even to hint at something dangerous being a possibility in the future. (Me projecting, projecting, projecting, always.)

God. I'm falling in love with Donnie once again. When will I be stopped.

“You—I’m so mad at you for doing this when I told you not to, but also this is the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me, and I want to thank you but I don’t have any cookies on me at the moment.”

Hey look I'm gonna Read Way Too Into Things again. She says this as if her words mean nothing. As if saying thank you and verbally expressing her gratitude is not enough, so she has to do something (be useful be useful be useful) to really be expressing her gratitude. (I get that sometimes words don't feel like enough, especially when we're so overcome with gratitude and we want the other person to REALLY get how thankful we are, I promise I get that, but it's just all these little tiny constant bits that have me seeing innocuous things like this as so much more. I'm sorry, again, I'm probably projecting.)

Also, just saying this so I have it on record, but Donnie has very firmly confirmed that he has befriended her, here. Just saying. For my sanity.

(The touch stuff. I'm on fire. I am burning as I type. God.)

[Raph] “Don’t mention it. Worrying is what I do."

That comment makes me so sad. Everything makes me sad. I'm a sad sack over every single person in this goddamn fic.

(Third Law. I'm soft.)

Leo calling Vi a "lovely lady" - once again, thank God someone is complimenting her.

Leo giving Donnie a flat look... I need to know what is going on in his mind like I need air.

LEO ASKING IF EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND CALLING HER HERMOSA AND BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

---

Chapter 10

Mikey is so!!! I love him I love him I love him I-

(Mikey calls her cute in the group chat 💕 sweetest boy)

Vi making more cookies for the boys. Again. (Useful useful useful)

Huffing out in relief, you smile and nod, showing him the ulnar flossing exercises

Vi feeling relief that Mikey asks to see the wrist stretches... relief that she is being useful. Relief that she can help. Sigh.

When Donnie is laying on the cot, he asks Vi to stay and: the angle he’s using to tug on you is encouraging you to lie down instead. You hesitate, swallowing thickly, causing him to huff out an annoyed sigh, his eyes falling shut into a frown.

“If you’d rather go find Leo—”

“What? No,” you say, baffled he’d even think that. You try to remember the words he’d used yesterday, when you’d asked for a hug, ready to use them against him. “It’s just that this is a… a rather large escalation of contact.”

“Oh,” Donnie says, his frown smoothing out a bit. “Not really? It’s essentially the same thing?”

“…But in bed?” you clarify, wondering if maybe there’s some kind of turtle-brained thing that makes horizontal touches no different, or if you’re just overreacting.

HANG ON. THIS HITS DIFFERENT NOW.

he starts the music and then tucks back into you like that’s just what the two of you do.

...Donnie doesn't have a lot of friends, either. Do you think he really doesn't see the stuff that's happening as romantic? Does he think, even once the sex starts, that it's not unusual for friends to engage in that sort of thing as long as they agree to it beforehand? Or is he so deluded into thinking she wouldn't want him romantically that HE'S thinking she sees the experiment as the only reason to do that stuff with him, so there's no way they could really be together in a romantic relationship? (I'm trying so hard to understand and give him credit here. I'm gonna have to reread chapter 20 again for what he says exactly because I feel so stupid.)

Eager to stop what looks like an imminent meltdown from Mikey, you step forward first and start piling food onto your plate. “It looks great, Mike,” you tell him, both out of honestly and also to get him to look at you and smile instead of glaring at his brothers.

Once again Vi is taking responsibility for preventing conflict/negative emotions between people she cares about.

You’re glad your back is turned on the way to the table when he says that, as none of the turtles see the way your face crumples just a little at the wave of emotion that grips you when he calls you family.

(Lonely lonely lonely) let me hug her!!!!

Leo calls her a pretty girl when he's on the phone with Donnie in her apartment. Once again, I love him SO MUCH for being loose with his compliments, because Vi deserves people who will make her feel good about herself, but also he's clearly riling Donnie up with comments like that - what way is there to read it other than Donnie liking Vi romantically and feeling possessive over her? Everything points to Donnie either just being dense about his own feelings or not fully understanding what a relationship IS if he really doesn't see them as in a relationship by chapter 20. Unless I'm so incredibly missing the point, which is always possible because I am, in fact, an oblivious idiot most of the time.

---

Chapter 11

("lbjean_87’s Insta profile" is a reference, I'm sure, but idk what exactly other than the "87" for the 87 tmnt cartoon)

The whole interaction with Barry where he says Vi is having a positive impact on the boys... and she's uncomfortable with the implication that she's doing something special, struggling with someone pointing it out, struggling to accept that she is a special person who positively impacts others...

Barry hums thoughtfully. “I see. It is not that you are self-depreciating. You are, in fact, just an idiot.”

Hm. Just pointing this out because I forgot about it. It's so ingrained for her to diminish what she does for others, and he sees that I think... but also. This line from Barry being in THIS chapter, where the whole misunderstanding STARTS.

“Why are you sorry?”

You exhale a sharp breath, running a frustrated hand through your hair. “I’m sorry he found out? That I didn’t keep our promise not to let anyone know? That he tried to hug you and you freaked out? That I haven’t been helping you with your touch thing as much as I’d hoped I was? I mean, fuck, pick one, dude.”

Again, she takes on so much responsibility and guilt. I'm SO interested in learning more about her relationship with Alopex (and any other trauma that may have contributed to all of these things I'm noticing that she does).

Okay nobody panic but I'm finally to The Point where they establish some things and set up for the bombshell.

“…Intimate touches,” you repeat, turning back to look at him once you’ve pulled yourself away from the brink of flying right out of your own skin. “Like… what, petting? Kissing? Sex? What are we talking about, exactly?”

“All of it, ideally,” he says. “I’m quite curious to study how I’ll react, especially considering the whole touch aversion situation.”

Curious how he'd react... oh my god. He doesn't say anything about a relationship at all. This is killing me. It's all focused on the experiment. I'm a fucking fool.

“…Do… Do you wanna try it?” you ask, a tiny glittering light threatening to bloom like a sun in your chest. “…Us, together, I mean?”

Okay yeah. "Us together" could just be read as "us doing those things together" rather than "us being together in a romantic relationship." Goddddd.

Giddy excitement spreads over his face unlike what you’ve seen before. “Really? With… With me?” he asks, and god, the sight of him so openly happy makes you fucking ascend.

So the first time, I read that as 'you're really open to dating me (and all the things that come with that)?' But now it's ONLY 'you're willing to do sex stuff with me/to help more with my touch thing and sate my curiosity?' SAD. DEVASTATED. EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED.

“Of course, I—” ... “Donnie, I… of course. I’d be stupid to say no, right?”

“Oh, that’s such a relief,” he says, closing his eyes and sighing into your palm. “I’ve been making spreadsheets of things I’ve wanted to try for several days and wondering how best to bring it up, especially considering—well. It’s quite helpful that you did so yourself. Excellent work, consultant.”

Fuck. FUCK. Consultant, he calls her. It really is still an experiment to him at this point. And the first time I thought it was just a cute tease, a bit of funny flirting, but it WASN'T. FUCK. Sam is a genius. I hate myself. He's focused on the spreadsheets and things he's been wanting to try for his touch aversion. He's giddy because of that, not because he's getting into an official relationship with her. (I still think he's in love with her and maybe just doesn't realize it fully, but holy God his words are actually focused on the experiment here.) What would he have said after "especially considering" if he hadn't cut himself off??? FUCK.

[Vi talking] "We’re partners, now, so we have to take care of each other."

Partners. Still worded to fit with the experiment mindset, so of course that wouldn't tip off Donnie. Fuck.

[Donnie talking] “I’d… like to keep this between the two of us as well, for now. To the confines of the lab. While we establish the parameters.” ... “I have no interest in keeping anything a secret. I only want to improve the quality of our partnership's results before sharing, nothing more."

Again, it's not named as a romantic relationship. He just calls it 'this' and a 'partnership' when he talks about their arrangement. (The clinical talk... 'improve quality of results before sharing.' Fuck. FUCK.)

Rereading the sexy stuff is fucking PAINFUL now. Oh my god.

“Don’t move,” he growls, making you freeze in place even as his brows furrow hard and his grip loosens almost immediately. “I—Sorry. Sorry, I—I don’t know where that came from.”

Stuff like this has me wondering again if he really doesn't understand what he's feeling with Vi. And that lack of understanding is reinforcing his focus on it being an Experiment, because he wants to understand how he's responding and why, to understand what he's feeling, and to do that he needs to gather and study data.

Donnie goes stiff when April calls and asks if Vi is with Leo. That's not the first time Donnie does something that indicates jealousy or possessiveness over Vi, but what if it's something else? It's only with Leo that I can remember, but I thought that was because Leo is the only one constantly hanging out with/touching/complimenting Vi, but what if it's something else regarding Leo? I really do not know what else it could be, but... I'm trying not to assume things anymore that aren't confirmed through dialog.

you sigh, turning your face into the pillow and inhaling deeply. It smells like Donnie, making your toes curl in delight. Pulling away, you look over to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, studying you. “…What are you doing?”

Yeah if they're not in a relationship it makes sense for him to react like that. (I'm so goddamn sad)

“You… promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind about this, right?”

“About… us?” you ask, and when he nods, you sit up, pressing your forehead to his. “Donnie, I—”

“—Promise?” he interrupts, making your mouth close.

“…Promise,” you tell him. And, since it’s clearly so important to him, “You promise? You’ll tell me?”

“I won’t change my mind,” he assures, making you shake your head. He sighs. “Yes. I promise.”

Hits different. God. I need to be in this fucker's head. I need his exact reasoning for thinking he won't change his mind. Is it curiosity regarding the outcome? Is it because he really likes her (and recognizes that)? I don't know!!

D - Just informing you that the nap did indeed take place.

V - i’m so glad!! thanks for letting me know

D - It would be a poor business exchange if I didn’t.

BUSINESS EXCHANGE. FUCK. I'M GOING TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC.

---

[Through tears] Chapter 12

Vi is so happy. So happy that she's helping Donnie with touch, Leo with sleep, Mikey with his hands (useful, useful, useful). So happy to be in a "relationship" with Donnie. She is so happy, and I am so, so sad.

Sinclair (I think it's Sinclair, Vi doesn't know/remember her name yet and I'm just a terrible with my memory) refers to a Ren. Renet, maybe?? 👀

You leave a little bit earlier than you usually do since you’re meeting Leo for lunch

YES there's a little bit of that positive influence on Vi bc of the boys! Leave practice early baby!!

Drinking with your neighbors, a boyfriend, lunch with your best friend… It feels like you’re cheating, a little. Like you’ve gotten something you don’t completely deserve.

[Clutching heart] that's a one-two punch. Vi calling Donnie her boyfriend in her head, and then Vi feeling like she didn't EARN the happiness she's feeling. OUCH.

Oh FUCK. The whole interaction with Leo in the kitchen. So many things. Leo's reaction to you confirming that you touch Donnie and that Donnie touches you. Vi doing that thing again where she digs her nails into her skin. Comparing Leo to a wolf and Vi to a rabbit (stop it blurple villain au, STOP IT, I'm trying to focus). I'm not gonna copy paste the entire section, but Leo's reaction is SO.... hang on

“Him wanting to put his hands all over you? Wanting to touch you? Mark you up? How far have you two gone, huh? Should I just pick a place on you and see if he’s touched that, too? Or is that another thing I’m not allowed to know?” ... “Why are you the one he—” Leo snarls

Is he really just that angry and bitter because Donnie hasn't let his family touch him in so long? Because Donnie hasn't let LEO touch him in so long? Because, relatively quickly, Vi has managed to push past that barrier when Leo couldn't? Or is he mad because it's intimate touches, specifically? Why exactly? Because Leo likes Vi? I don't think that's it, but again I'm trying not to assume or overlook things. Leo was playing matchmaker with them so hard toward the beginning, and now he reacts like this? What did he think was going to happen? Do you remember him asking Vi if she was single and saying she and Donnie were perfect for each other? Because I do. Did he want them together but assumed they wouldn't be touching no matter what since that's been Donnie's default mode for so long? I'm so dense I do not understand. LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. LEOOOOOOO.

Your back hits the wall behind you hard as you flinch away instinctively. ... Your arms have covered your face, your whole body quaking as you fight to make yourself as small as possible. ... when you don’t move, when you can’t speak ... taking in your terrified posture ... You close your eyes, feeling the tears continue to stream down your cheeks. Clenching your teeth, swallowing the adrenaline rushing in your veins screaming for you to stay still and not move ... He’s safe! you scream to yourself, trying to remember that it’s gospel. He’s safe! He’s safe! He’s safe! ... Sobs tear out of your lungs in massive heaving rolls that leave you shaking against him.

Is Vi's visceral reaction of fear ONLY due to Leo being Just That Scary? Or has she experienced physical violence from someone close to her before? She can stand her ground against asshole strangers that actually try to hurt her (for example, the guy from the coffee shop and guy in the park - or wherever it was, I don't remember and I'm not there yet, but it was when she fell in the water sticking up for Raph), chase after mutant silverfish with a music stand, react quickly to protect the kids when shots are fired, run to Dakota after the bomb goes off, etc. etc. And those were Real Dangerous Situations, too. The difference here is it's Leo. Her best friend. Someone she's close to, someone she trusts. When it's a person like that, she freezes in fucking terror... and remember the other times she's tried to step in when someone close to her starts getting angry? To soothe, to deescalate...

He’s safe. He’s your best friend. He’s family. He’s Leo, and the fact that even a tiny piece of you was afraid of him—it horrifies you. ... “I-I’m sorry, too. I-I didn’t mean to—I don’t know why I—I know you’d n-never—” “Instinct,” he cuts off clinically. Hollowly. “You were scared. I scared you.”

I think I'm looking too hard at this maybe. She's horrified that she was scared, and she says "I don't know why" she reacted like that, and if she'd experienced violence with someone close to her in the past surely she would've thought something about it, connected those dots in her mind at that point? I don't know. I suppose we'll have to wait and see what Sam reveals, if anything. Like I said, maybe I'm reading too much into this.

“…Donnie and I are dating,” you tell Leo, feeling him go rigid against you when you tell the secret that feels so stupid to keep if it means losing him. “I… I asked him out yesterday, and he said yes. But he wants to keep it quiet for a while, while we figure everything out, so…”

Pain. Pain and agony and suffering. She says this to Leo in no uncertain terms about what she means, whereas with Donnie it could have been taken a different way and apparently WAS. Fuck.

“He… he talked about missing hugs?” Leo echoes, sounding a little broken.

This Whole Thing hurts just as much the second time around. Ouch. Owie.

"I have no idea what’s safe to talk about with you people, so I just assume everything’s off limits until I hear otherwise!”

Again, she's so careful to respect boundaries.

[Leo] He tilts his head when you come inside, grinning at you and patting the ground between his legs as he spreads them and wiggles his feet like he thinks he’s adorable.

BECAUSE HE IS ADORABLE. DAMMIT. THIS IS A DONNIE FIC. I AM A DONNIE GIRL. STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH LEO AS WELL. (/pos of course, ALL of this is positive, I promise)

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m just a little meow meow.”

FUUUUUCK I LOVE LEO SO MUCH STOPPPPPPPPPPPP

“…Don’t tell him,” Leo pleads quietly, making you pause where you were reaching out to grab your laptop. “Tell who what?” “Donnie. That I know. …Don’t tell him.”

Do you think Leo remembers saying this and feels guilty now? Do you think he wonders if you had been given the green light to tell Donnie that Leo knows you two are "dating" that maybe the whole miscommunication thing wouldn't have spiraled and gone on as long?

“Just kidding. You’re so gullible,” [Donnie says]

Just. Just putting this here. For the record. For future reference.

“…Does Leo do this to you?” he whispers, entranced. “…Does he make you have goosebumps, too?” His thumb finds the edge of your nipple through your bra and shirt,

God. Hits different. He's actually fucking yearning here isn't he. Yearning for her and not even realizing he has her?? Again, does he think this is something friends just do? Was he wondering if Leo touches you intimately, as well??

(The kissing is so fucking hot. A wordsmith as always, Jesus CHRIST, Sam. But also reading it with the constant voice in the back of my head saying "he doesn't see them as dating" over and over and over IS SO. I don't have a word for it but it's killing me.)

[Donnie, after you stop kissing] “Sorry. I suppose I did, uh. Get a little over-eager there.”

the silent promise you made to one turtle versus the explicit one you made to another and how they stand at odds with the other.

^So many lines now are hitting me differently. God.

[Donnie talking about Leo sleeping on Vi and therefore making her smell like Leo] “I really don’t—I’m starting think he does it on purpose to irritate me, specifically.”

So if Donnie doesn't see them as together, doesn't see Vi as his... what does he mean here? Does he recognize that he feels possessive but doesn't fully understand why? Or does he really just not like the way Leo smells???

Donnie talking about how he smells that she's aroused, admitting that he is aroused... taking about it so matter-of-factly. He's separating romantic and sexual feelings so completely in a way that Vi doesn't, in a way that the reader wouldn't. (Is that the whole point that I'm missing here? That he DOES separate sexual and romantic relationships so CLEARLY in his mind? And that's why he can yearn for her, think he doesn't have her even while they're fucking and spending so much time together and doing things that couples DO?)

Donnie referring to the Third Law as the reason that he gets to learn how to make her feel good... almost like that's his sole reason or like that's his excuse for doing so...

“…I’m not particularly interested in my brothers smelling you like this,” he mutters

Because it would cause a stir? Because he wants the experiment to continue without outside influence? Because he simply doesn't want them to know his business? Because he knows she would be embarrassed? LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. YOU AND LEO BOTH ARE KILLING ME.

---

Chapter 13

Goddammit I lost my notes for this chapter and had to try and remember what I had already written TWICE because I'm a mobile user who is also an idiot. Anyway.

The beginning of my notes for this chapter was mostly me gushing about how much it made me smile. It's the one where Vi gets sick and goes to the store to get cat food for the neighbor. (Basically - I love Vi, I love the boys, I love the group chat.)

When the neighbor gets mutated, Vi pushes Leo out of the way so that she is the one pounced on instead of Leo. There was no real danger, but she didn't know that when she reacted. It kills me that in her delirious, can barely think straight, actually thinks she's hallucinating state, her instinct is to take the hit for Leo. (Better me than you, you're more important, I can be useful, I'm useful, useful, use me use me use me FUCK)

So many lines hit different with Donnie... she's sick and going to sleep in his room, and them interacting alone here (with my knowledge of chapter 20) makes my chest ache.

She says she missed him -> For some reason, he laughs a little at that. “Is that so? What prompted the thought?”

Her shirt is all sweaty and he tells her to just take it off, but then -> “I’m curious to see if my body temperature will help with your fever.”

They're in his bed, lying together, and she kisses him -> “D-Don’t do that here,” he stutters, sounding a little like it’s a significant effort to tell you. “I don’t want to start something we aren’t—aren’t planning on—”

A little later -> “…I want to…” he trails off in a breathless tone, pressing into your throat a little harder than usual. ... “Wanna what?” you ask, prompting him to shake his head. “It’s nothing. Get some rest. I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”

I'm in so much fucking pain.

Vi goes to the library for books on PTSD to help the fam. She spends time reading and taking notes and just. God. She's such a good friend. (Use me. I need to earn this love. I need to be good and useful.)

Leo has his insomnia. (He has something else, you know, you just know, but until he decides to do his little secret-spilling venture he told you you were due, you’re in the dark on that.)

Is this something we might find out about during their talk on Saturday??? I hope so.

You don’t know anything about Raph, you mourn, underlining his name twice on your notepad in a bit of self-loathing. So much for him being family, you think sourly.

It's hardly her fault, but again she's putting it on herself.

At the end of the chapter, she wakes up to realize that Leo saw the evidence of her reading those books and taking notes and working to make herself more helpful (USEFUL) in her free time. He knows how hard she's trying to help. So you think he feels guilty over that, too, now? Again, all she does is give give give, and even when she does allow herself to take she feels that need to earn it, that need to be worthy of it.

---

Chapter 14

DAKOTA APPEARS. LIGHT OF MY LIFE. DARLING GIRL YOU DESERVE THE WORLD I LOVE YOU.

Yeah there it is! The confrontation with the guy in the park. Raph is so right to be worried because she IS going to get hurt if she keeps this up.

[Raph talking] "you can’t be stupid like that,” he says, making you flinch.

Time for me to Read Too Much Into Things again. I've noticed, even before chapter 20 when it gets really really bad, she often refers to herself as stupid or uses stupid as an adjective when describing what she's doing. Her flinching when Raph uses that word specifically has me wondering if that word was used against her a lot in the past (by Alopex maybe?) or if she's always had A Thing about thinking she's stupid.

Raph gives you a small crooked smile. “Well, it sure made him mad thinkin’ you was my girl. So maybe you should just start datin’ a mutant real open-like.”

You give a wet laugh, rubbing at your eyes hard. If only he knew. “Yeah. That… That sounds like something I’d like.”

Hey what's up I'm CRYING

(Also, once again, every time Vi refers to Donnie as her boyfriend in her head, I suffer)

[Leo talking about Vi having no self-preservation instincts] “Oh yeah? Looks to me like you wouldn’t know fear if it—” he starts, only for his jaw to clamp shut and a stricken look to cross his face.

I know this is him remembering when he scared Vi in her kitchen, but JUST IN CASE their talk on Saturday reveals anything I'm keeping this here for my own future reference.

Not helping the desire is that he’s wearing those fucking sweatpants again. If he were any kind of perceptive, you’d wonder if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing when he put those things on his ass

First of all, SWEATPANTELLO SJSJZBAKXH. Second of all, "if he were any kind of perceptive" has me eating through the drywall.

Oh my god. When Donnie brings up what happened in the park, he just says he made her a new phone and then "There was mud all over the processing board, which, speaking of, I hope you weren’t injured?” I'm getting a little bit of whiplash here. He was so angry over the bruise she got, but with this his reaction is less intense. And I'm remembering after one of the attacks with Dakota that his reaction wasn't as intense as I expected, either. But then with the guy on their aquarium "date" the reaction was WAY more intense. Hm. I almost need to look at those instances side by side once more after I catch up to 20 on this reread.

Also idk why this popped into my head just now, but I'm wondering if something happened between Leo and Donnie in the past. Something more than just the fact that Donnie doesn't let Leo (or the rest of the fam) touch him. There are so many times where Leo like... gives Donnie a blank/weird look or reacts a certain way when Vi talks about Donnie or even riles Donnie up by making Vi smell like him, making little comments about her being pretty or him being her favorite or whatever... a bunch of things that COULD just be Leo being a little shit but could also be something more (something like Leo liking Vi, sure, but I really don't think so??? More and more I wonder if it could be something that's related to an incident in the past between the twins??). God I cannot WAIT for Leo and Vi to talk on Saturday.

Vi says she doesn't talk to her family anymore because they're so anti-mutant and they had a huge falling out. I'm still wondering if there was some kind of abuse she suffered from her family, as well, even if she doesn't recognize it as having been abuse. (Racist family members being cruel to you hits close to home, I'm almost certainly projecting.)

“A mutant? You?” Donnie gapes, looking shocked. “You dated a mutant?”

You bark out an incredulous laugh. “How are you surprised by this?”

YEP. SAM IS RIGHT. HITS FUCKING DIFFERENT. GOD.

You haven’t thought about Alopex in years; it’s odd, now, how you finally feel able to do so without pain.

Ooooh boy. I CANNOT WAIT to find out more about the past relationship with Alopex. And if I recall correctly Sam has said Alopex will make an appearance and I am SO EXCITED.

[Vi talking] "I have a family again, and I have you. That’s all I need.”

Donnie frowns, but whatever machinations are in his head are tabled when instead he just sighs

She makes that distinction here between the fam and Donnie. Specifically says "I have you" and he frowns. During my first read I thought he was frowning at the whole estranged family/Alopex breakup thing. Now I'm wondering what he thought about that comment "I have you."

Engage alarm 16-44-SD - I wonder what the significance of the numbers and letters are. Do you think we'll find out?

[Vi asks Donnie to cuddle and they're getting situated on the cot] “What are your goals for this evening?” he asks, using his hand to glide along your jaw, cupping your nape to turn your face to his.

“With you?” you ask to clarify, and when he nods, you hum. “Don’t really have any. Just want to feel good with you.”

Donnie studies you for a moment

Fuck. FUCK. "What are your goals" I'm pacing like a madman. WHAT IS HE THINKING WHEN HE STUDIES HER AFTER HER RESPONSE. FUCK.

“…Actually, I changed my mind. I wanna kiss you again.”

Donnie’s smirk is a little lazy. “That was quick. I was expecting to have to work on you a bit longer for that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m easy for you. Sue me,” you tell him ... “That you are,” he agrees ... “…Want to feel good,” he murmurs against your mouth, repeating your request of him like he’s contemplating it, still. When you nod, he dips down, his second kiss a bit more

This Whole fucking interaction. My heart is shredded. Him thinking about her saying she wants to feel good, taking that as her saying the 'goal' of today's 'session' is that and then having her come using his thigh so they can achieve that 'session goal' and collect data.

[Asking if she's sure he has to touch somewhere first before she'll touch him there] “Though I suppose it’s fine. Just more data. And I’m hardly opposed to making you feel good first.”

JUST MORE DATA he says

[Donnie tells you to take off the clothes Leo lent you] Vi - “Donnie, I’m not wearing anything under this.”

“…Okay?” he says, looking at you like he doesn’t understand the problem.

This is SO. I JUST. FUCK. Sex and nude intimacy is all part of the project. Why WOULD it be a big deal? They agreed that the experiment would include kissing, petting, sex, etc. There's no feelings involved, it's just necessary for the session, for the data. I'm Unwell.

(The sexy stuff is, once again, SO HOT but SO PAINFUL to read)

[After she comes using his thigh] “Oh, yeah. I’m gonna remember that for a long, long time. Until you one up yourself, of course.”

“A good scientist is always seeking to extract better results from his subject matter,” Donnie agrees.

SUBJECT MATTER. I'M LAYING DOWN ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. AND THEN IN HER MIND SHE REFERS TO HIM ONCE AGAIN AS HER BOYFRIEND. WHERE IS THAT GODDAMN TRAIN. I'M WAITING.

I wonder if Sam was writing this and smirking evilly the entire fucking time. Evil. EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL E-

---

Chapter 15

SINCLAIR'S NAME IS JUNE. FUCK I FORGOT LMAO I'm just as bad as Vi

Vi making cookies again for the 4th of July party. Then in the shower, talking to Leo about it.

“I was thinking I’d make enough cookies for you guys to have left over, since I know you like ‘em a lot. Plus I feel like I kind of owe Raph for the whole, uh, making him fish me out of the pond thing.”

Leo doesn’t answer, you think, though you might have missed it as you duck your head under the water to get rid of the shampoo.

I was so distracted by blurple symphony au thoughts the first time I read this, but now I'm just thinking about how she worded that.

“I was thinking I’d bring him [Raph] by some bread later, too. I know we kind of worked it all out, but I’d feel better if I really had a good apology. He was pretty upset. And Donnie, too. I need to make him something. Not that he, uh, did anything. But the thought was there, I guess."

Once again, she feels the need to DO something for others. As an apology, as appreciation. Thoughtful to the point of making me worry.

(Also, I wonder if the talk with Leo on Saturday will shed light on what he was doing/thinking here while she was showering)

“Glad to be of service,” you laugh

YEAH. YOU ALWAYS ARE.

[Vi says she'll try to get Donnie to come to the party] Casey stares at you with eyes that see a little too far into your soul for your liking, but then he pulls them back and laughs like he didn’t just sear your bones. “Well, if anyone could, I bet it’d be you.”

:) pain

“He’s got me on security protocol 27-L-Alpha, but family’s allowed through on that one, so you can go ahead in,” Shelldon says

Again, I wonder about the significance of the numbers and letters. Also, FAMILY IS ALLOWED THROUGH. So Donnie sees her as family? I need to be inside his head.

She gets him to go to the party and he says she'll owe him. Is that the only reason he agrees? Because then she owes him something? Is he just hungry? Is he soft for her without realizing?

When the yokai is flirting with Vi at the party, WHAT is Donnie thinking? I must know. Vi looks at Donnie and thinks that he's 'too traumatized, probably by those fucking brain aliens, to fish you out.' If Donnie thought they were dating, would he have stepped in?

Leo hooks his head onto your shoulder, nuzzling his beak into your throat and humming like he does when it’s just the two of you. ... his fingers fluttering on your stomach as his eyes cut off to the side. He has a sharp look to his features that you’re a bit too drunk to dissect, so you just ignore it.

I'm squinting so hard at this. This is at the party in front of everyone, but it's GOTTA be another attempt at riling Donnie up, right? UGH

(GOD. DONNIE PULLING YOU INTO HIS ROOM. STICKING HIS FINGERS INTO YOUR MOUTH. GOD. FUCK. JESUS HOLY HELL I'M ON FIRE.)

“Gonna kill him,” Donnie growls against your skin

Is he talking about Leo? WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH, HUH DONNIE? Seriously, did something fucking happen between him and Leo in the past that's related to all this? Or is this just Donnie being jealous and possessive over Vi despite them just being "partners" for the project??

He grabs your chin, holding your face to his, and you open your damp eyes to see that he’s staring at you, cataloging your every move.

Data collection. I know I'm repeating myself here, but this is so so painful to read.

Pulling away, Donnie groans, his forehead finding your shoulder. “Fuck. I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry,” he says, causing you to laugh. You sink your fingers into his nape, stroking long lines against worried flesh.

“How are you apologizing right now? That was incredible,” you promise.

“It—It was outside the bounds of our agreement. We both stated that my lab was the only place where we’d—” he starts

:( that's all I can say. Just. :(

"I’m going to go to my lab and make sure this obnoxious music didn’t ruin anything.”

OH MY GOD. THE RECORDINGS. HIM GOING TO THE LAB TO REVIEW THE DATA FOR THE PROJECT. HOW DID I COMPLETELY SKIP OVER THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME.

Vi asks for one last kiss and then -> “…You’re getting good at that,” you murmur against his mouth when he pulls away, opening your eyes to see him staring at you with lustrous eyes.

“Third Law,” he says

Third Law. Something I want (your help with this project) for something you want (to feel good). Fuck. FUCK.

You turn your head, seeing that he has something to say on the tip of his tongue, but he shakes it off, looking off to the side.

“…Text me when you get home,” he says instead, making you smile and nod.

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY. WILL WE EVER FIND OUT? I'M FERAL.

Vi tells Mikey she and Donnie are dating. Once again it's explicit when she tells others but not when she's with Donnie. Kill me. Kill me.

Again, Vi worrying so much about the boys. Wishing she could help more. Sigh.

“…Yeah. Pretty,” he [Leo] agrees, voice quiet. ... you feel a beak nuzzle gently into your hair, inhaling softly to find your scent, before he goes carefully, painfully still; and just before you finally drift off to sleep on his shoulder, you imagine, you think, the sound of creaking wood beneath a tight, gripping fist.

Once again the first time I read this as Leo maybe liking Vi or being upset that Donnie touches her when he hasn't been able to touch his brother in so long, but... Does Leo... does Leo know that Donnie doesn't see their partnership as romantic? Does he KNOW?? Is he letting this go on because it's helping Donnie and he wants his brother to get better???? HANG ON. HANG ON. IT BETTER NOT BE. IT BETTER FUCKING NOT. PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG. Is this Leo realizing that the partnership has become sexual and that this is so much worse for Vi than he thought? MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST. (I'm wrong. I have to be wrong. I have to be reading too much into it, right? Please tell me I'm wrong I'm on the verge of tears.)

---

Chapter 16

Sinclair recovers quickly, waving her hand. “Yo. Introduce us to the cutie?”

“C-Cutie?” Raph repeats, flustering quickly.

Sinclair (June?) has a girlfriend I know but this little interaction makes me wish Raph could get someone, you know? I wish all the boys could get someone (if they want someone, that is). I want them all to be happy so badly :(

Also Sinclair's girlfriend is a mutant. Are we gonna meet her?

You dig your nails into your biceps hard.

I worry. I fucking WORRY.

First mention of Scheherazade - oh my god. Forever sobbing.

Leo hasn't texted you today.

DOES HE FEEL GUILTY?

Sinclair calling Vi her friend :') getting her number :') I love her

Vi is so anxious over the thought of Leo being upset with her. And then there's a line when she goes to the lair to see him - hoping you’re not being too overbearing - that has me once again wondering if she had past experiences where someone got upset and reacted badly and blamed her, or maybe if she just internalized the bad reaction as her fault and now she's always scrambling to soothe and fix? Thinking of how toxic relationships can have that affect on people, you know?

He isn’t Alopex, you remind yourself. It’s cruel to impose upon him the damaged expectations from the last relationship you’d had. Cruel to yourself, seeing darkness where there isn’t any to be found. You’re letting old insecurities seep in, you think, feeling your eyes burn a little.

Yeah, this. I wonder if we'll find out about the exact details of everything that happened? I think we will, and I'm excited.

[Leo talking] “I’ve just been… tired. Thinking about things. About what I want.”

Tilting your head, you ask. “…What you want?”

Leo nods, bringing your hand to his mouth to brush a kiss to your knuckles, staring at them as he brings your hand to his lap. “I’m. I’m still thinking about it. If I promise to tell you, can you give me time?”

If I'm right. And I pray that I'm wrong. But. If I'm right. He's thinking about what's more important to him, about what he wants more - truly being a good friend to you vs. using you to help Donnie with his touch thing even though he knows what's really going on, even though he knows you think something else is happening when it's not. (If I'm right... he's using her. He's using her, after seeing how lonely she was, how willing she is to help, how desperate she is to be useful, manipulating that, taking advantage of that. Please God let me be wrong.)

Upstairs, you find Donnie sitting in front of his wall of computer screens, each plastered with an ocean of diagrams and spreadsheets. Deep in thought ... “Oh, good. I was just thinking about you,” he says

He's looking at the spreadsheets for the project. Of course he'd be thinking of her. Sobbing. Screaming. I hate myself.

[Donnie smells Leo on Vi] "Really pisses me off,” he grumbles

Again, why does it make him mad that Vi smells like Leo?

“Hm. I promised you a lesson on my anatomy. Considering I explored your genitalia, unintentional though the moment was, that does, as per our arrangement, clear you to touch mine.”

Arrangement. ARRANGEMENT. And the clinical discussion, of course. Naturally. No feelings, just a project, all part of the experiment.

“Experiential learning. Excellent. I knew you were the one.”

The one. The one to choose as his partner on the project. Goddammit.

(God. The smut. It's so hot. I'm swimming in lava.)

“All right. Take off your pants and lie down. My turn.”

Startled, you just blink at him for a moment. “W-What?”

“Third Law. And I want to taste you. See if it’s different from mine. I’m very curious about the tactile nature, since it was quite pleasant on my fingers. Plus, you didn’t come. I’m not a barbarian. Now, chop chop.”

Third Law. You did this so now I do that. It's a transaction. And he's curious about the taste and feel compared to his own. Data data data.

“…Very, very pleasant,” he murmurs to himself more than to you,

Data. Notes. For his own future reference. Fuck.

“Only the best for my favorite turtle,” you promise, laughing and pulling away, spinning in place with your arms spread wide. “Now. Shall we work on the Turtolin while waiting for the smell of sex to dissipate? I’d rather not scar poor Leo if I can help it.”

Donnie looks like he’s contemplating something hard, but he pushes it away and nods.

What is he thinking here? Does it have anything to do with Leo? Or the favorite turtle line?? UGH

[Vi sends Donnie a pic of her in the bath with the bath bomb he gave her and he calls] “Good girl,” he says easily, making your skin burn hot. “Now, I’m going to put you on speaker and listen as you make yourself come.”

Jaw dropping, you stutter, “R-Right now?”

Donnie hums. “Then send me another. One before. One after.”

You hear the soft click of him putting his phone down, and the familiar sound of him fiddling with his tech. ... “I’m waiting,” you hear him say.

This is SO PAINFUL now. FUCK.

---

Chapter 17

(My notes after this point include knowledge of chapter 22 aka the chapter that made me physically ill)

You find him [Donnie], as you expect, pouring over some spreadsheets.

The spreadsheets again :(

[Vi talking to Raph and Mikey about Donnie] "You wouldn’t expect it. But he’s—he’s so kind. Always thinking about how he can help others, always looking to make their lives easier. It’s—It’s really admirable. I respect him a lot.”

Vi you're literally describing yourself.

“You had a problem. I solved it,” he says, like it’s that simple. And you suppose, in a way, it is. He just… doesn’t see it as his love language, even though it so, so clearly is.

I feel like this is a nod towards Donnie actually being in love with Vi but not realizing it.

So. Leo shows up during turtle time.

“Actually, perfect timing,” Leo says, coming up to you and pulling you into a hug. “I have a present for you.” ... “Yep. C’mon, I’ll portal you back to your place so I can give it to you,” he says, making you look at Donnie, concerned he’s about to crack a tooth.

Even though we know he's not doing these things to be manipulative anymore (assuming we can actually trust that he was being honest about when he 'stopped completely'), it's still tainted, especially since it's in front of Donnie. The casual physical touches, calling her "hermosa." Not only am I reading this and feeling so fucking betrayed, but I'm ALSO sad because he's started feeling guilty and really truly seeing her as his best friend now (if, again, we believe his claims in 22), and the torment he must be going through, despite it being so, so deserved, makes me sad. Actually, sad isn't the right word for it, but the right word escapes me. Whatever it is that I'm feeling about this is gaping and tender and intense.

“The truth,” he says, taking the picture from you and putting it on the coffee table. “About us. About everything.”

Not about everything, Leo. Not yet. (I think the word I'm looking for is agony. I'm not just sad. I'm in agony.)

[Vi talking to Leo] "So I just tucked it into one of those Leo will explain this someday pile.”

He stares at you for a second, then gets a melancholic smile on his face. “Yeah. That pile’s probably a lot bigger than it should be. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I told you before. It’s okay if you’re not ready to spill your guts,” you remind him.

“That was true then. But now, you’re—” he stops himself, looking at you hard, his eyes unmoored on your face. “…It’s different. Now.”

OOF. FUCKING. FUCK.

[Leo talking about the invasion] "Then one day, I—I fucked up really bad. I didn’t even know how bad, but I—” His voice chokes, grip on you going tight. He looks at you, eyes a little wild, and you nod.

THIS IS A PARALLEL TO HIM FUCKING UP WITH VI. NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW BAD HE FUCKED UP UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.

And every time Vi responds so fucking kindly to something Leo says or does... at this point he's truly wracked with guilt. Every kind thing she does is another reminder of how badly he fucked up, another twist of the knife that he unknowingly lodged between his own ribs. For example: Leo stares, soaking you up like you’re water and he’s cracked earth; then, taking in a haggard breath, he continues.

And then Leo asks Vi to help Casey like she helped him and his brothers. And even here, when he's being genuine, that ask is tainted, tainted, tainted by his history of using her for his own desires.

“Thanks,” he says, true and honest in a manner that oh, this entire time, you haven’t really seen.

God. GOD.

Vi asking Donnie about the aquarium... she doesn't use the word date. I wonder, if she did, would he have locked

There are going to be a lot of moments like that in your near future, you’re guessing, taking a long sip of water and staring at your reflection in the blank screen of the television. Little pieces you’ve seen, little hints of darkness you’re going to understand now.

Vi is referring to the fact that she knows about Casey being from the future and stuff, but this is mirroring what I'm doing. Finding little hints of darkness in Leo on my reread. God. Kill me.

---

Chapter 18

Vi gushing about Donnie to Sinclair :( and this line specifically -> "He just… gives and gives and gives.” THAT'S YOU, VI. YOU'RE SO ALIKE.

"He’s—brutally honest, but in a way that makes it impossible to doubt any compliment he gives."

Meanwhile LEO-

(I can barely focus. My heart aches so much. I keep having to reread the same paragraph over and over because I keep thinking about Leo. I really do feel so goddamn betrayed. How can Vi go on? How is she going to fucking... I've said it already but if it were me I would spiral really really bad. I was already worried about her before chapter 22. And now... I don't think Sam would do what I'm thinking of because surely there would be tags indicating that already due to their triggering nature, but I just know if it were me... I won't say it.)

Do you think, now that Donnie knows about the miscommunication, he'll go back and review their texts and his recordings to search for hints that he might've missed? Do you think he'll find something and think 'stupid, stupid, you should've seen it then, it was right there all along' like Vi did when she first realized?

I'm realizing, once again, how often Vi uses the adjective "stupid" to describe so many of her thoughts and actions. And I'm wondering, once again, how far back that habit runs. Whether it's always been there or if it started when she was with Alopex.

Oh man... when Vi gets ready for the aquarium... no. She doesn't think "I look nice" or anything. When she sees Donnie, she tells him he looks nice. Like a model, even. And he doesn't say anything about how she looks. I remember being a bit disappointed the first time I read and just assuming that he was too embarrassed or shy or something to comment on how she looked, but no. I'm a fool.

The alligators are so fucking cute, which he finds absolutely absurd.

“I like their faces, I dunno,” you say with a shrug. “Look at those little snouts! Don’t you just wanna… smooch one?”

“No, I can definitely say that I do not,” Donnie drones. “And I’m pretty concerned that you do.”

“I mean, soft shelled turtles are pretty aggressive biters too, right?” you point out, tilting your head and looking at him a little coyly. “Seems to me you don’t mind me kissing one of those all the time.”

Huffing, Donnie turns his face with a flustered scowl. “Th-That’s different!”

Just putting this section here. Just pointing out how he responds. I'm just casually in agony, right now.

[Vi talking after Donnie asks for permission to kiss her outside of the lab] "Okay. Well. Consider this my blank check of consent to any and all kissing. Inside the lab, outside of it, no matter how many people are around.”

“Hm. Well. Too many people will probably ruin the results. But I’ll take it under consideration,” he says.

Another comment that I saw as referring to the experiment, yes, but that I also thought was him flirting. Me putting meaning into his words that isn't there. Fuck.

his mouth claiming you like you aren’t already all his

Because she's not. She not his. Kill me.

When they run into the old standmate, Donnie gets so fucking mad that the guy insulted Vi. Another thing that I interpreted as romantic that wasn't.

“I’m—not particularly sure how to do this [have sex] with our current arrangement,” he says breathlessly

Damn. Even the first time they have sex, he tried checking in, tried to honor the rule she set, referred to it as their "arrangement" and everything... he truly did nothing wrong. What a massive misunderstanding. This continues to blow my mind. Damn.

She calls him cute once again, and he doesn't say anything like that back.

(The sex is so FUCKING HOT GOOD GOD)

He asks her to stay. And she does. And she's realizing she's in love with him. And I'm so, so sad.

---

Chapter 19

[Vi talking to Casey about Leo] "He’s a really good friend. I feel lucky to know him,” you tell him

Every single line where Leo is referred to as her friend has the rage flaring in my chest again.

Oh my god. I've been interested in how the brothers are going to react if/when they find out what Leo admitted (especially Donnie, obviously), but... what is CASEY going to think? He admires Leo so much. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.

man hadn’t that morning sex the other day been something else? Let’s try it again and see if we can replicate it. So your Wednesday is even lazier than usual with just the one lesson after a long morning of Donnie seemingly testing just how well sound-proofed his lab is, or maybe how loud he can get you to whine his name when you come, you’re not really sure which.

Replicate. Test. Kill me kill me kill me

The first shot cracks through the air and makes your ears ring. Without thinking, you move. Your hands clutch Dakota’s shirt, throwing her off the stage to the pit where the gunman won’t have a clear view. A second shot goes off. Before she hits the floor, you’re moving, tackling the other three to the floor underneath you. A third shot.

Again, her instincts are to protect others first.

you see Raph pinning the guy to the floor, a look on his face like you’ve never seen before.

Actually, you realize; no. You have seen it. Once. In your kitchen. From Leonardo to you.

Rage.

FUCK. KILL ME.

(DAKOTA. MY FUCKING HEART. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK AND REREAD ALL THE DAKOTA PARTS AT SOME POINT WHEN WHATEVER SAM HAS PLANNED FOR HER HAPPENS/IS REVEALED.)

Even after almost being shot she wants to rehearse. Be productive. Sigh.

You’re a little surprised to feel that your hands feel jittery at the ends of your arms, a bit like you have too much energy inside still. Your hold on your bow is a little wonky, too.

WHAT YOU JUST EXPERIENCED WAS TRAUMATIZING. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED. WHY DO YOU NOT SEE- HOW ARE YOU SO- Sorry I'm just. So protective of her. So frustrated that she doesn't care about herself like she should. She's in shock, huh? I'm being too harsh. I'm just so fucking angry because of how GOOD she is to others and how Leo fucking USED that. I can't fucking take it.

She's shaken up after being shot at... on the subway, looking forward to going to the lair -> Gazing past your reflection in the subway window, you watch the lights flash past in little warm blurs, and seek comfort in the knowledge that soon you’ll be with people who love you.

People who love you. Like Leo and Donnie. Pain pain pain. And when she finds Leo sleeping in his room, her softness for him, her fondness and affection... It hurts. It hurts.

She finds Donnie in his lab. I remember thinking it was weird he didn't react more strongly to the fact that she was literally shot at. He just says “I heard you had a fun afternoon,” and that's it. Honestly it still surprises me. I feel like we have seen him be protective over her for lesser incidents... remember the bruise? Remember the standmate? Why, I wonder, did he not react more strongly here? Is it because she wasn't actually shot?

He eases the tension headache she didn't even realize she had. (Vi, once again not realizing how affected she was. This mirrors her not realizing she was sick before, too.)

Turning your head when he slowly releases you, you see an ocean of spreadsheets in front of you that instantly has you looking away in disinterest before you can read a single word.

I hate myself so much. What would she have seen, what would she have realized, if she looked a little bit closer?

“…No, I just… smelled you,” Leo says blankly, looking between you and where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around you, and you think—oh. He’s known this whole time, of course, that Donnie touches you; but this is maybe the first time he’s seen it. “You’re… really touching her.”

“I was under the impression you knew about it,” Donnie says, dropping his chin on your shoulder and raising a brow ridge at his twin.

“…I did,” Leo agrees, though his face is still as stone. His eyes focus on where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around your middle, and for some reason, the intensity of it makes you want to wiggle away and get out of Donnie’s grasp. ... Leo, eyes focused on where Donnie’s beak is tucked into your throat ... “I like it,” Leo says, staring at Donnie.

God. Leo. Still wrestling with his anger and jealousy, trying to be happy about it, but still struggling so much.

The Scheherazade story kind of mimics Leo and Vi. Scheherazade won the kings love over time, while Vi won Leo's true affection and friendship over time. Hm.

[Vi goes] to stand out of Donnie’s lap, only to turn to him and raise an eyebrow when he petulantly keeps you pinned to his plastron, his eyes dark and pouty on his twin. “…Donnie.” ... You bat your eyelashes cutely at Leo, who gets a smug look on his face as he stretches out a hand to the side. His crescents glow prettily, and with a curl of his fingers, he has a sword in his hand to cut a portal. “One ride on the turtle express for mi tesorito.”

“Turtle ex—?!” Donnie chokes, his fingers going tight in your flesh, his teeth pulling into a snarl. It hurts a little, and you’re kind of mortified when the squeak you make is maybe a little more sensual than it probably should be. Feeling your cheeks flare hot, you press your palms to Donnie’s shoulders, giving him a meaningful look.

“I can come back tomorrow,” you say with gritted teeth, increasingly miffed when he just shoots a glum look to his twin.

Once again, even if Leo is being genuine, this is all tainted, and it fucking hurts to read every interaction they have, especially in front of Donnie. But I also noticed another layer here. Vi is trying to behave as though she and Donnie aren't dating because Leo is there and as far as Donnie is aware (in her mind) Leo knows they touch but doesn't know they're together. Meanwhile things that seem romantic to her are NOT romantic to Donnie, so he's being clingy and she is a little annoyed/confused, because she's thinking 'doesn't Donnie know this is suspicious??' But NO. HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. AT ALL.

“Fine, fine,” he [Donnie] says petulantly, removing his arms from your waist.

“Good boy,” Leo says with a widening smirk, squawking when you reach out and flick his beak.

“And you. I don’t know what your game is, but stop terrorizing him,” you tell him, watching as he rubs his palm over the offended flesh.

“Me? Terrorizing Donatello?”

“Leonardo.”

This is after Leo supposedly 'stopped completely' and yet.

“He [Casey] has a lot of secrets he’s keeping,” Leo says, softening. “They’re a heavy load. I don’t know how he does it.”

Secrets can be a heavy load, huh Leo? You FUCKING-

Leo sighs, grabbing his katana and cutting another portal back to the lair. Before he leaves, however, he beckons you close. Reluctantly, feeling a bit embarrassed and hoping your lingering arousal isn’t too obvious, you go; only to blink when he reaches out a hand and grabs your chin, bringing your face close to his as his eyes drop to your mouth.

“…Yep. Thought so. Doesn’t take much to get you going, huh,” he says knowingly

Get your fucking hands off of her and shut your goddamn mouth. I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry. I've never been this angry in my life. Yes he feels bad. Yes he's suffering now, yes he's going to get consequences that fucking hurt him. But I don't even fucking care right now because I'm so, so angry. What is everyone else going to say? Will Leo even tell them?? I don't know if Vi would tell the fam what Leo did, because she doesn't like causing conflict. But someone needs to tell them. God. What is Donnie going to do, knowing that she's already distraught because of their miscommunication?

Vi talking to Casey, getting him to open up about the future. Taking responsibility for helping him. Even though it's upsetting. Yes, that's what real, good friends do, but it's just another example of her giving, giving, giving. How deeply she cares, how sincerely she loves those in her life, how she would willingly burn herself up for the people she loves to keep them warm. And the fact that she's taking on this burden after LEO had asked her to...

(The lavender mask thing hurts just as much the second time. Ouch.)

[Casey talking] “Apparently, you always were able to get him to do things. I remember Master Leonardo making a comment about it once when he was trying to get Uncle Tello to do something. You’d do it for her, or something.”

You wince. That couldn’t have gone over well.

I can only imagine future Leo saying that with bitterness. Was there jealousy in the other timeline, too? It's easy to imagine since we know what Leo is capable of, now. Easy to imagine a future Leo, run down and exhausted and bearing so much responsibility for the resistance and guilt over the apocalypse, letting it all build and build and build, letting it get to him after Vi's death, even if he loved her too, even if he was grieving too, and being so angry over Donnie refusing to do something, and losing his cool. 'You'd do it for her. Why won't you do it for me?'

I wonder how Donnie would have reacted if Vi HAD told him about what happened with future them. About the lavender mask.

[Vi's bath water] It’s hot when you get in; too hot, maybe. But the burn feels a little good. Tethers you into place where otherwise you worry you’d drift away to a future that isn’t yours.

See, again, this worries me. Using pain as a grounding technique, almost. This is pretty innocent, but it hints at the POTENTIAL for going further with this kind of stuff. I do nothing but seethe and worry.

---

Chapter 20

Finally made it all the way here. Sigh. Let's read.

you find yourself drifting off at random moments, haunted by memories that aren’t even yours ... for some reason, you spend most of Friday night sobbing into your pillow ... you spend the morning in your bed, curled around your pillow and staring numbly at the wall ... you’re avoiding Donnie

Vi takes the knowledge Casey gave her so hard. Evidence, once again, of how deeply she cares, how strongly she loves, but I can't help but remember that LEO asked her to help Casey. And she honestly probably would've ended up doing it anyway at some point, even if Leo didn't explicitly ask her to, because that's just how she is and Casey is part of the family and she wants to help... but I can't help pairing her emotional turmoil with the fact that LEO asked her to take that on.

“Donnie said you wasn’t feelin’ good, but you look like shit,” he says, causing you to shoot him a wry smile.

“Thanks, Raph. I feel so beautiful now.”

Raph shoots you a meaningful look. “I think you ‘nd I both know I ain’t the one you wanna hear that from.”

...

“Raph ain’t mad. I’ve been Donnie’s brother for a long, long time. I know he can be a dumb dumb, sometimes.”

Everyone (I think) sees that Donnie loves her EXCEPT Donnie. Raph says he saw Donnie grab Vi at the party... do you think, when Raph finds out about the miscommunication, he might realize that Donnie doesn't understand his feelings and try to help him figure it out?

💜🐢 (6:16 p.m.)

Raph said you looked unwell today. Do I need to send Leo over to bring you to the lair tonight?

A tempting offer that makes you bite your lower lip. You turn on the camera on your phone to check your face and see the bags under your eyes, the clear exhaustion, and something else that makes you just look… sad.

sent (6:17 p.m.)

no, but thank you for offering! it’s really sweet of you.

I'm begging you to accept some comfort. I'm begging. She so easily brushes him off so she can hide how she's feeling. Please, man, she needs to be loved.

[Vi talking] "Thanks, Casey. You’re the best, and I owe you.”

“Nah. People always look after each other,” Casey says easily, and you suppose that coming from an apocalypse-torn world forces that outlook on you pretty bone-deep.

She's right, but also... I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this. Something about her always feeling like she OWES people for the things they do for her. Like she has to earn their kindness, always pay it back, nothing comes for free, not for you... she doesn't have that mentality regarding anyone else. Like, she doesn't expect others to earn her kindness, she doesn't expect any kind of payback or anything when she does something kind or helpful - that mindset only applies when she's the one getting something. It has me wondering, again, about the details of her past. Alopex, yes, but also with her family. Was it pounded into her head that she isn't enough, that she isn't worthy of kindness and help unless she does something useful or tangible in return? Or is this, once again, me reading too much into things and possibly projecting?

Mikey, we’re your brothers. It would make sense for us to go.

It just occurred to me that Donnie uses italics in the group chat. You can't do that in regular text chains, right? Is this like a discord-type situation? Or is it because they're all using phones (most likely) made by Donnie and he somehow added that feature? (This is so not important, I know, I know, but I'm curious okay?)

Every single use of tesorito and hermosa stabs me directly in the heart.

“You look like shit,” you hear a familiar voice call, and you look up to see Leo sitting in a fire escape, legs hanging and his arms resting against the metal. Elegantly, he drops to the asphalt, walking up to you and taking your chin in his hands, tilting your face for his examination. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” you agree, causing him to grin. “Thanks for this, by the way. I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t ask for much. And even if you did, I like showing off for pretty girls,” he flairs.

Fury. Even now, when he's supposedly being genuine with her, I'm so angry. He even says she doesn't ask for much. He knows how much she gives, how little she takes. How much she cares. The work she puts in for others. You know the (Did you try?) that Vi has in 21? I wonder... ever since he started to really think about 'what he wants' did he have similar thoughts? A constant (Is this worth it? Is this the person you want to be? Now that you see her heart, her soul, are you really okay with being this kind of person?) - or even, as we get further and further into the fic, something like (How could you? How could you? How could you?)

“Best friend ever,” you compliment

Does he feel guilty when she says stuff like this, now? (How could you?)

Oh I forgot that Vi told Leo what Casey revealed to her about the future. Again, does Leo feel guilty? Seeing that Vi was so affected by that knowledge? Knowing that he asked her to talk to Casey, so it's kind of because of him? "I haven’t felt right in days" she says.

"I hate secrets" [Vi says] ... “…Can I ask you something?” he says after a moment of studying your face. It’s a curiously serious expression ... “Why Donnie?” ... "You’re beautiful. Funny. Have a good job. Easy to like. You could have most anyone you want. Any mutant would kill to have someone like you as a partner. So. Why Donnie?” ... It feels, a little, like that day he’d frightened you. A softer, friendlier version of it.

Yeah. Because it is. Leo doesn't hate her anymore, and she picks up on the difference even though she doesn't understand why.

[Vi talking about Donnie] he’s got this—compulsion, almost. To take care of people. He works on his tech so hard so he can be useful. He’s always texting me about not staying up too late. Getting enough sleep. Did I eat lunch. Don’t overwork myself. Take a break. He even got me to take a few days off, just to relax, and I’ve never done that before. Even though he never turns those thoughts in on himself

HE'S JUST LIKE YOU. SCREAMING THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. RATTLING HER. SO MANY THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT DONNIE APPLY TO YOU AS WELL.

“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask." ... I like him. All of him. Even if I’d never been able to touch him. It would have been him.”

Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something

Yeah. I can definitely see how this would make Leo really struggle to keep it a secret.

He portals you to just outside Donnie’s lab, and with another flash of blue, he’s gone.

The difference here, with him not even going in with her to see Donnie. Him just portaling her to the entrance and then going off... I can just imagine him spending a long time in his room thinking. Thinking thinking thinking about what he should do, after her speech.

Hearing your footsteps, Donnie turns his head, doing a double-take when he sees you, standing out of his chair and coming to stand in front of you with an anxious energy that makes you feel guilty all over again.

“You’re here,” he says, and you nod, dropping your bag to the floor and leaning into him. Instantly his arms wrap around you, tight enough to crush the air out of you.

Come ON. HE LOVES HER. HE NEEDS HER. COME ON.

What are you supposed to do? Sob into his arms about how you’d avoided something terrible? Him? The man who couldn’t even touch his family for years and years and years because of the awful things he’s gone through? The man who goes out onto the streets and keeps people like you safe? Why do you get to cry, and he doesn’t?

Her line of thinking here - that 'my issues aren't as serious, they don't matter, I shouldn't seek comfort, especially not from someone who does so much already' - just. No, Vi. I almost wish she would've told Donnie what she was thinking. Someone needs to help her.

(The sex is so fucking hot. I say that every time but only because it's true every time.)

He’s saying something; his mouth is moving but you’re too fuzzy to think, too lost to hear.

God. I wonder what he said, here.

Every time she says something or thinks something about how beautiful he is, it reminds me that he hasn't said she is beautiful even once.

“I was hoping to get my mouth on your breasts again. You always make interesting noises when I do.”

So clinical :( and then more and more until she realizes. I'm not going to put the whole thing, but God. God. It's so painful... acoustics, data, sensors, recordings, sessions, partner, spreadsheets...

“The differential in touch inhibition,” he says shortly, like you’re the one not making sense. “I’m actually quite pleased with our progress. I was listening to one of the recordings the other day, and—”

...

“I record everything,” he says, smiling proudly.

...

"This whole time. Have you just been… experimenting with your touch thing?”

Donnie tilts his head. “What else would we be doing?

God, it kills me that he just. Doesn't know. Doesn't understand. And it's not his fault even a little bit. How would he have known otherwise? Honestly? In my reread I didn't find anything he did wrong with the information he thought he had. Unless you count the 4th party, but even then it would be him not following the experiment protocol. It's still not him being malicious in any way (that I know of).

Sheets that smell like a stupid, stupid girl who put her own wishes into someone else’s words yet again.

That's another reference to Alopex, right? Cannot wait to find out more about that relationship.

If Donnie says anything, you don’t hear it.

I wonder if he said anything here. Was he still talking to her, trying to figure out what was wrong? Or watching her in confused, shocked silence? I don't know which is worse.

(It's so painful. It's so fucking painful to read her reaction.)

Tucking your knees to your chest, you sit under the water’s foray, letting it wash over you. On and on and on the little drops hit your skin. They hurt from their fire. On and on and on and on. They hurt from their ice. On and on and on and on.

Again. Letting herself be hurt. I'm worried.

Then Leo. Covering her with a blanket and holding her. (Does he feel guilty? How could you?)

You pathetic thing, you think derisively, loathing the person you’d become once again.

Another nod to something like this happening with Alopex. Also, the self-hate. I worry worry worry.

Leo is there to see her fall apart. To fully see how the miscommunication with Donnie affected her. I'm worried that, if there's a blowout between him and Donnie, Leo will use his knowledge of how utterly destroyed Vi was against Donnie during the argument.

“What happened?” he asks, because of course he came without knowing, of course he’d seek to solve before he even knew the shape of the problem. Leo, the quiet leader, always watching, always knowing, always helping. So, so grateful for him, you sink your teeth into your lower lip hard and clutch your biceps hard enough to bleed.

"Always helping" and "so grateful for him" make my chest ache. She thinks of him so, so positively and fondly - the betrayal is so deep.

---

What a fucking roller coaster.

My conclusions: Sam is a genius. I'm a goddamn fool. I'm REALLY worried for Vi. I feel so so so bad for Donnie (looking back, I was so confused and angry with him... and it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't and I can't believe I was so blinded by my own biases that I couldn't fathom him not understanding... I owe him such an apology). I'm so goddamn angry with Leo I'm physically sick with it, but my heart aches for pretty much everyone, including Leo. And, once again, Sam is a genius.

#symphony #turtlecleric ramblings #I'm in agony #FINALLY #I'VE DONE IT

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sp00kymulderr · 6 months

Text

5th Nov.

This week has been fucking weird. I don't want to go in to detail but the mental health was not it. But then the last couple days have been ??? oddly good. Thanks a lot to this place, this community. Idk. I'm not much of a good at talking to people person but there's just something about people in this fandom that makes life feel alright. I'm obsessed w you guys honestly 💕

I didn't do much this week. I got ghosted. I went to a Rammstein tribute. I ran around the park with my nephew. I had a shit few days at work but what's that but normal right now?

I've read some good good stuff this week.

Who would I be without mentioning into the beat of the night chapter one - transmission by @perotovar - one chapter in and this fic is already everything to me ❤️

Every Colour Illuminates by @the-blind-assassin-12 was a beautiful way to start my week off, a gorgeous read.

Not a fic, but this Self Care with Dieter & Jett post really put me on a good track after some bad days. Thank you @morallyinept

And because I didn't post my recs last week I have have to mention two fics by @covetyou which changed me fundamentally: Send in the Clown

open hand or closed fist would be fine (I'm reading the rest of swat now and um wow 😮)

Lo, how can i convince you to write a bravo the clown fisting fic?!?!

I actually posted quite a lot this week??? somehow??? The notes are shockingly low and tbh I nearly deleted one of these the day after posting but I am resisting and trying to remain proud that I even wrote anything.

I finally posted Our House of Flames pt 3 - Afterburn which I my ongoing 4 part Joel series. Great if you like grief and misery and guilt lmao.

Put up chapter one of Lucida Sidera, my Ezra series featuring my first original character! This fic is an update of something I first plotted and posted in 2019 and has a special place in my heart.

And I also posted these Pedro boy gender and sexuality headcanons!

Tomorrow I have a job interview…I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I do need a new job and this one helps me stay in a similar position to what I'm in now. The rest of the week is lacking in any plans bc I’m boring, but I'll definitely be back at the gym and I'm starting a new program so maybe I'll get back into heavy deadlifts since I haven't done any in a few weeks!

Also writing, with hopes to publish a dirty Joel oneshot and possibly a Dieter thing if I can get my act together!

Love you guys. Thanks for the things you do. You're incredible 🩷✨🩷✨

#beating the Sunday scaries #week in review

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rinadragomir · 2 years

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1 episode reaction

They try SO HARD to make it look like Bridgerton is it even legal?😑 1) they stole queen's personality 2) unnecessary sex scene in the beginning with characters we don't even know yet. Actually the whole introduction scene was much worse than the actual episode. Idk why they fucked up the first impression this much ;-;

I actually enjoy looking at guardians, they're the best part of the episode🌝

Mikhail and Sonya, my babies, my cottagecore parents, most beautiful people in this show, god bless your acting 🙏🏻

The main problems: 1) songs that don't fit any scene they're used in. Where they even found those cheap 2009 "cool party" tracks? 2) poorly written dialogues as characters introduction. They try TOO HARD to make us understand who is who in that 2007 fanfiction style. That girl is a kind princess so she compliments everyone, that girl is a cool tomboy so she wears boots under the dress, that guy is a bad boy✨ so he FUCKS 😱etc

Good thing they focused on Lissa/Rose friendship! Love these two

Dimitri is fine😌 I approve, the acting in 100% my Дима ✨yes I'm still not over him not being Russian but ugh we got what we got(

I really like the first Lissa/Christian dialogue, but don't you think they went too early with all of that "sTaY wItH mE"? Let them just tease each other from afar idk?😐

Dimitri/Rose interactions 🌝 yummy yummy ima eat

Okay thank God they didn't pretend Lissa's mental problems don't exist. It's a huge part of the books, so I'm glad it's here

Wait how does this "sun kills vampires" even work here? One scene - Lissa is burning alive, next scene - she's perfectly fine riding a bike in the middle of the day, hiding under a translucent umbrella?.....

I actually find it interesting Lissa and Rose only finding out they're connected in the show. Not a bad change, not at all

Dimitri you little bitch don't look at us like that, it was your job to make sure we're safe, shoo shoo, go and do that hot shit u usually do on the roof 😤

" I think unicorn in moroi is Lissa" I—

Wtf no really what the fuck?.. rip funny book Christian, you won't be forgotten😔🪦🙏🏻

Hey they added Janine's mad note! I'm glad)😌

Rose/Mason out of nowhere romance... Hm listen I'm not some mad Romitri shipper that can't accept other options (I mean I AM but hush!), but where it came from? They gave us such nice "school friends" dynamic and then ruined it in 5 seconds.

Same for Lissa/Christian. I'm ready for all the ships, just give me some time to start asking for it myself. They don't tease us with interesting dialogues or interactions, they just say "these two are in love👍". Great but where? It would be better if we got Rose/Mason kiss in maybe episode 4. But this is just way too fast for me, not awful, just fast

"Lissa keeps my heart in a right place" 🥹🥺

So since Lissa can be a queen without any family members.... No Jill?🥺 Like she's not important for the plot anymore, so... No Jill🥺 they left Eddie without his Jill🥺

For the first episode: 6/10

#ima watch 2 episode!#va #vampire academy #vampire academy spoilers #vampire academy tv show #peacock #rose hathaway #lissa dragomir #dimitri belikov #christian ozera

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mika-writes-fanfics · 1 year

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Healing Touch

Dabi x Fem!Reader fan fiction

Synopsis: You encounter an injured Shigaraki and offer your healing quirk to his aid. Little did you know, healers were hard to come by in the underground and Shigaraki takes a liking to your skills. To further his cause, he kidnaps you and holds you captive under the watch of the LOV. You play the role of the LOV's little healer while you think of a way to escape. Unbeknownst to you, the pyromaniac with a cold heart begins to melt in your presence. Your compassion and wit draw him in, all the while he swears it's only curiosity he feels toward you. But when your touch heals his burns and your personality soothes his anguish, Dabi begins to wonder, what exactly is he feeling for you? And why the hell does he feel so torn up when you slip away?

Author's Note: I am aware this trope is cheesy as fuck, and no, I won’t change it.

Warnings/Tags: Stockholm syndrome, eventual smut, kidnapping, female/afab reader, healing quirk, canon typical violence, threats, arson, minor character deaths, death, injury, blood, suggestive for a second

Abbreviation Guide: Y/n (your name), e/c (eye color), f/c (favorite color)

Word Count: 2K

Chapter Three: You Should Really Knock First

The next couple of days around the base pass by quietly. You notice Dabi is absent more and more over the days. Shigaraki keeps sending Dabi on scouting missions, citing a need for new recruits to pull their next mission off. You have a feeling the league is planning something big, though you’re not sure what. Maybe there will be enough chaos for you to slip away. You can only hope that will be the case.

Dabi reasons Giran has to have some leads on possible new recruits. It wasn’t too long ago that he went to Giran himself and ended up in the LOV. Dabi slinks through less-traveled alleyways and past the deviants loitering about. Some jeer at him, but a passing glare and a warning of blue fire dancing in his palm is enough to scare most off. For the few who aren’t phased by his threats, a blast of his flames takes care of the problem. Dead men and ashes don’t talk back, after all.

Before long he’s faced with the door, giving it the secret knock and responding with the code when prompted. One of Giran’s goons opens the door, ushering Dabi inside before checking behind him. “I’m not dumb enough to let anyone follow me, close the damn door already,” he drones. The goon narrows his eyes in annoyance but closes the door anyways, locking it. Giran smokes a cigar while looking at his phone, legs propped up casually on the desk. He looks up and sees Dabi.

“Well well, if it isn’t the League’s arsonist himself, Dabi. What brings you to me?” Giran gloats.

“Need a favor. Boss has me looking for new recruits. Got any leads?” Dabi explains. Giran thinks for a moment before getting up and reaching into the filing cabinet. Who keeps paper files these days? The old geezer must be behind on the times. Giran pulls out a couple of files and throws them on the table.

“Here’s a couple candidates. Didn’t get a chance to track them down yet but you’re welcome to be my guest. Magne, Moonfish, Muscular, and Mustard seem likely to agree. All of them have a criminal record so they’re likely to sympathize with the cause. Most of them have fought and killed before, so they’re not unskilled,” Giran says in between puffs of his cigar. Dabi hums in approval. He skims the files, making mental notes of their last listed addresses. This should give him some ideas about where to find them.

“That’s a lotta M’s but I’ll take a look,” Dabi throws the files back on the table and heads out as quickly as he arrived, planning to track them down. He manages to find some of the other losers listed in Giran’s report but ends up coming off as threatening to the first few and causing a fight. He wins, of course, leaving behind some alleys with charred bodies and a couple fewer possible candidates. In the aftermath, he finds himself thinking about your little joke. Shit, maybe he is going about this the wrong way. He changes his approach and tries not to be as insulting or sarcastic with everyone he meets.

Moonfish was first and almost the hardest to convince, as his apparent bloodlust and hunger for flesh makes him a hard person to talk to. The psycho’s irrationality drove him to stab Dabi with his weird teeth. Dabi manages to dodge most of the bladed teeth, however, one of the razored teeth connects with Dabi’s abdomen. He cauterizes the wound with his own flame after he catches Moonfish’s metal teeth with his own hand. Cyan flames melt the metal, pooling at Dabi’s feet. Upon seeing Dabi’s quirk and hearing some threats and explanations, Moonfish backs down and hears him out. The selling point for Moonfish is that he may do what his heart desires so long as he doesn’t endanger the league’s members or cause.

Muscular and Mustard were unable to be tracked down at the time, but Dabi had considerably easier luck with Magne. Magne took an instant liking to him, hearing him out without much of a fuss. She agrees to talk to Giran about joining the league and comments how she can’t wait to work with him. The comment throws him off but he chooses to pay it no mind, the pain from Moonfish’s blow taking too much of his attention. He considers the mission a success until he turns down the wrong alley, encountering some seriously pissed-off gang members. It seems in his previous altercations, somebody saw their fellow thug had been charred to bits. His friends now gathered around in horror at what was left.

“What the hell are you?” One of them asks, unnerved.

“Your face makes me want to puke,” another insults. He’s used to such comments by now. He’s aware his appearance is horrifying to most, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just let the insults slide. He has a reputation and dignity to maintain. Consequences must be handed out to those who dare intimidate him.

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll kill you!“ Another one threatens. Really, he wants to laugh at the notion. Instead, he raises his hand.

“Pity, you’re not needed,” he comments before shooting out flames from his hand. He braces himself for the kickback of his quirk. The action sends a sharp pain shooting down his side. Screams and groans erupt from the narrow passage. They all fall to the ground as he just walks on through the flame, ignoring the heat licking at his body. The pain makes him irritated, itching to throw insults at his victims in their last moments. Some still cling to life, writhing in pain. “Stay down, you make good fuel. Allow my flames to consume you.”

After the screaming has died down, he feels a liquid running down his abdomen. Curious and concerned, he lifts up his shirt to find the earlier wound had opened back up, most likely from the impact of his blast. He curses to himself, quickening his pace to the LOV. The flame user makes it back to the hideout with great difficulty. He’s slamming open doors as he leans against them, not having enough energy to open them normally and not giving enough a shit that everyone else is probably sleeping. He trudges up the stairs and sees light peeking out from underneath your door. He groans and quickly opens the door to your room, instantly slumping against the doorframe. You let out a surprised yelp and he’s equally surprised when he faces you.

It’s like a scene from a cliche manga. You’re half clothed, clad in only panties and with your shirt half pulled up. You must have been in the process of changing into night clothes for bed. He sees the emotions of anger and embarrassment cross your face before changing to a shocked expression. You can tell he’s injured somehow.

“I was going to yell at you for not knocking, but I’ll let it slide this time since it’s an emergency,” you murmur while looking away from him. He’s a bit dazed, whether that be from the blood loss or from seeing you in such a position. You quickly walk to your dresser and throw on some shorts, tugging them over and ending the impromptu show he received. You’re about to instruct him to lie down on your bed until you notice the blood.

“Jesus Christ, how did this happen?” You exclaim. You rush over to his spot in the door frame and instruct him to lie down where he is.

“What do you think? I got stabbed,” he grumbles in response. You lift up his shirt to get a better view, noticing that half of the wound has been cauterized. Healing a half-closed wound shouldn’t be too hard with your quirk, but you worry about internal bleeding. Under more inspection, you reason that since the wound isn’t that deep, it’s unlikely there’s organ puncture. All you could do was monitor him for signs should he have internal bleeding anyways.

“I know you were being a smartass but that’s helpful information. Getting stabbed has different injuries compared to getting slashed at. I need to know what I’m working with,” you explain. You press on his abdomen, checking for signs of swelling. You ask him a few questions about if he’s feeling nauseous or feverish to rule out internal bleeding. When he answers no, you find yourself feeling relieved. Wait, why do you care what happens to him anyways?

You push your thoughts aside to focus on Dabi’s wounds. “I don’t think your internal organs are bleeding, but that could change. You should let the others know so you could get more professional treatment, should the worst-case scenario happens. I can’t easily heal stuff like that without reaching in and touching the source,” He nods weakly and you activate your quirk. You apply pressure over the area to slow the bleeding until your quirk fuses the wounds together. He winces slightly at the gesture. After some time, the bleeding ceases. The only evidence left of the laceration is the bloodied floor.

“How’re you feeling, Dabi?” You ask.

“Like shit.”

“Well that’s understandable,” you laugh lightly. “Are you dizzy? Can you stand?” He tries to stand up, managing but just barely. You can see his movements are shaky and slightly uncoordinated. He’s lost a lot of blood, making him dizzy and weak.

“‘M fine,” He grumbles. It seems stubbornness is a recurring theme for him. He starts to trudge to his room, only for his steps to sway significantly. Dabi nearly stumbles into you in the process, much to his own chagrin.

“Uh huh, you were saying?” You tease. He merely huffs in response. You sling his arm over your shoulder and encourage him to lean on you. He seems taken aback, judging by his tensed body. You reason it’s because he’s too proud to ask for help.

“I know you hate this but just bear with me. It’ll be over once we get to your room,” you bargain. You felt a bit guilty for invading his space in such a way, but he was in no condition to walk on his own. “Wait, where is your room?”

“‘M next to yours,” he tiredly slurs out. You let out a soft ‘oh’ in response, embarrassed for not knowing. The two of you trudge on before meeting his door. You turn the knob and push the door forward with a foot. Dabi disentangles himself from you, leaning on the walls for support. He makes his way over to a dresser, pulling out some clean clothes while supporting himself on the furniture.

He pulls his shirt off, allowing you to see the expanse of his scars and the muscles on his back. You had assumed Dabi was extremely lanky, but you’re beginning to realize his baggy clothes hid a lot of his body. He’s skinny, but there’s a fair amount of muscle on him too. You find yourself growing flustered at your situation. Your mind betrays you by imagining the feeling of his body underneath your hands.

You clear your throat and attempt to steady your voice. “‘M gonna go clean up. Do you want me to heal your burns after?” He turns to you and shakes his head. You’re surprised at the sight of his unexpectedly toned body, once again.

“Just heal ‘em tomorrow,” He dismisses, voice laden with exhaustion. You nod and dismiss yourself back to your room. You’re thankful to have the chance to calm yourself. This night has been a roller coaster for you. You weren’t sure how much more your heart could take. At least cleaning would take your mind off of him.

You fetch some cleaning supplies and soon all signs of what transpired are erased. Next, you wash your hands and arms in the sink until the water running off of you turns clear. The adrenaline seems to have finally worn off as you find yourself crashing. You return to your now-cleaned room. Your bed has never seemed so inviting. You collapse into your bed without hesitation. You’re about to give yourself to sleep before your eyes snap open at your next thought.

‘Fuck, that could have been the perfect opportunity to escape. He was so out of it I may have been able to steal a key and pull it off,’ you think, cursing yourself for letting the chance go to waste. You sigh heavily and bury your head into the pillows. Your own good will frustrates you.

As disappointed as you are, there’s nothing else you can do about it now. Judging by the footfalls you hear padding down the halls, it’s probably from Shigaraki. Your window of opportunity has officially closed. You curse the league’s leader for having such a bizarre sleeping schedule, before drifting off to sleep.

Masterlist

Link to AO3

#dabi reader #dabi x reader #mha dabi #bnha dabi #dabi #dabi fanfic #dabi x female reader #dabi x you #mha healing quirk #healer reader #reader insert #tw: blood #tw: injury #tw: threats #tw: violence #tw: death #canon typical violence #dabi x y/n

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coffeeheartaddict2 · 10 months

Text

Could it be?

Book: Crimes of Passion

Pairing: F! Trystan Thorne x F!MC Aaliyah Rose

Category: Angst/pining

Rating PG

Warnings: alludes to sexual thoughts

Word count: 700

Summary: Whilst stuck in a freezer with Aaliyah, Trystan thinks and reflects upon her growing feelings for Aaliyah and her feelings for Juliana.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note: so disclaimer I have not finished book one yet of Crimes of Passion yet, however I felt inspired to write this fic. I do not know how much writing as of yet I will do for Crimes of Passion so please enjoy.

🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

She had never expected to find herself here when she met the Private Detective Aaliyah Rose. She was impressed with her physical prowess at their first meeting and investigating the cult and murders was mentally a challenge that I never knew I needed.

I had been guarded of course. The memories of that night when I lost Juliana but there was something about Aaliyah that made me want to tell her everything about that night.

Here we are sitting in a freezer, tracking down some stolen items from uncle Tommy’s bar. We cuddle up together to keep warm. She is in my arms. She feels so right, cuddling into me with her head on my chest. Thoughts go to what I have fantasized. Kissing her, running my hands along her curves, lavishing attention on her breasts, to tasting her and watching her fall as she succumbs to her climax. The thoughts make me feel warmer and she cuddles into me more, making me want to act on them more.

To distract myself I ask her about her dad, his career and what happened. I found it comforting, not only was she trusting me with this information but that I was not the only one who had lost a loved one in tragic and mysterious circumstances.

Aaliyah moves and our lips are close. I badly want to kiss her but we are interrupted. Matty finds us and lets us out. A part of me is annoyed but also I am relieved that we have been rescued. Matty fills us in on what has been happening, why he stole from Tommy. One thing leads to another and we are on a stake out. It is a success and we have retrieved Aaliyah’s dads gun and badge.

Aaliyah is relieved. To others it is just a gun and badge but to her it is a part of her dad and this a part of her. She still does not know who murdered her dad but maybe solving this cult case will bring her closer to justice for her dad also.

She is relieved that Matty will only need to work off the damage and is relieved that the debt has been wiped but she is still angry. At least the gun and badge is where it belongs.

After celebrating the success of the stakeout Aaliyah is caught up in different thoughts. The thoughts of what nearly happened with Trystan. She did find her attractive, she was not the normal type of person to whom she has had relationships prior but how often does a PI from New York work closely with exiled royalty from Drakovia? The more she worked with Trystan the more she changed her opinion of her. She was not just some spoilt exiled royal but someone who was willing to work and get the best outcome. She hoped to hear what really happened with Juliana, what the other royal at the party had her intrigued and then thoughts went to the freezer today. She did not imagine Trystan getting warmer and she so badly wanted to kiss her. Did Trystan feel what she thought she was starting to feel for her? She must do, Aaliyah thought. If Trystan only wanted her for one night of debauchery then surely it would have happened. A familiar heat was pooling at Aaliyah’s core and she went to have a shower and to pleasure herself to the thoughts of what almost happened.

Across town, at a penthouse apartment, Trystan was thinking about the events of the day and what almost transpired. She thought she would never find anyone that she would fall for, especially after Juliana, she had a string of lovers, both male and female to fulfill needs but she knew that with Aaliyah, it would mean so much more, it was going to fill a void that she never thought would be filled until now. She went to have a shower, again pleasuring herself to the thoughts of what she wanted to do with Aaliyah and promised herself that when this case was over she would make her dreams become reality, the only question was after today, could she wait that long?

——-

Authors note 2: short and sweet but as I stated in the previous authors note, I have not finished playing book 1 yet so as such I have not gotten to know the characters and events well enough to write longer fics, I am surprised that I was inspired to write this. I will be tagging my normal tag list so if you DO NOT want to be tagged for crimes of passion please let me know.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @cariantha @bex-la-get @tessa-liam @socalwriterbee @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter @a-crepusculo @crazy-loca-blog @trappedinfanfiction @youlookappropriate @binny1985

@lucy-268

@choicesficwriterscreations

If you wish to be added or not receive crimes of passion fics please let me know

#crimes of passion #choices fanfic writers creations #fic of the week #f! Trystan Thorne x f!mc #Aaliyah rose #choices #play choices

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lapinbunwrites · 6 months

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Title: Dedue's Home

Ratings: Gen

Warnings: None

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three House

Relationships: Dedue Molinaro/Ashe Ubert

Characters: Dedue Molinaro, Ashe Ubert

Additional Tags: Fluff, Angst, Post-Canon, Post-Azure Moon | Blue Lion's Route, Azure Moon | Blue Lion's Route, My Version of a QPR

Word Count: 1,497

Ao3 Link

Dedue clutched his bedsheets in his fist as he woke up. It had been a long time since he had seen Ashe; he was a little disappointed that he wasn’t back from Castle Gaspard. He knew it would take a lot of time to get everything in order to give his title to his younger sister, but he didn’t think it would take this long. Nonetheless, Dedue was still heartbroken that he had to face another morning without Ashe.

He let out a sigh as he shuffled out of bed, stretching out his arms and shaking his legs. He didn’t have much of a day today: Dimitri forced him to take the day off. If Dedue had a say in it, he would be working. It wasn’t a great feeling for him, especially with Ashe being gone. He tried not to lament on his thoughts as he figured out how to pass the time. He went through a mental list of chores that needed doing, and the only thing that came to mind was grocery shopping.

Dedue quickly changed into something casual, keeping his blue scarf on, before going to the kitchen. He rustled through cabinets, pantry, and icebox, taking a mental note of everything he needed to buy. Before leaving the kitchen, he grabbed a spare basket and left for the town market.

When he arrived into town, he sighed with relief. There weren’t many people today—he could easily buy what he needed and get back home. One of the most frustrating things about the day was finding a good fish, especially trying to find some at a good price.

“Oh,” Dedue said softly, bumping into someone walking towards another merchant.

When he looked down to see who it was, he was shocked. It was Ashe. A smile slowly started to take place on his face. It was short lived; he soon repressed his smile when he realized that Ashe was truly back. Dedue felt his heart sink. Ashe wasn’t supposed to be back yet.

“I’m sorry, Ashe,” Dedue said, coldly.

“Hello, Dedue! I didn’t expect to see you here!” Ashe said cheerfully. His expression slowly changed when he saw Dedue’s face. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“It’s nice to see you back in Fhirdiad,” Dedue nodded, deadpan. “Did everything back in Gaspard territory go well?”

“Not as well I was hoping,” Ashe sighed, looking intently at Dedue’s face.

“How so?” Dedue asked as he began to walk.

“The amount of paperwork that I was given to change successors was absurd,” Ashe said, walking along with him. “With all the bickering between the other nobles, employees, and my siblings, it became exhausting. We were stuck at a standstill for weeks. I just wish my sister could take over—she’s better equipped for this than I will ever be.”

“I can see how that would be frustrating,” Dedue said plainly.

“I don’t want to bore you with the specifics,” Ashe said, quickly changing the subject. “How are you feeling?”

“I am fine,” Dedue lied, his voice growing lower.

Ashe sighed, stopping him so he could look at his boyfriend. “Dedue,” he said softly.

“Hm?” Dedue asked, stopping in his tracks.

“I know you’re lying,” Ashe scowled, putting his hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Ashe, I am fine,” Dedue reassured him, deciding to walk to another vendor.

Ashe sighed and didn’t press further, only following him.

Their walk was quiet, only speaking to merchants when needed. It felt odd to Dedue that Ashe was back. Maybe it was because Ashe had never told him he was going to arrive back in Fhirdiad. Maybe it was because he never received any word from him in the past couple of months. He couldn’t figure it out, but that didn’t stop the betrayal and pain that were stirring inside of him.

“So,” Ashe murmured out. “What are you planning on making with everything?”

“Sweet and salty whitefish sauté,” Dedue said as he picked up some tomatoes. He looked over at Ashe’s face and tried to repress his smile at how cute he was. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stay mad at him. “I thought it would be nice to eat today.”

“Really?! I’m so happy I was able to make it here just in time to eat it,” Ashe said, his smile broadening. “Let’s see what we have. We have tomatoes, salt, some spices, hmm…”

Dedue said nothing as Ashe mumbled to himself.

“Oh! We need the whitefish!” Ashe said, snapping his fingers. “I know the perfect person to get fresh fish for a really good price!”

Dedue frowned as Ashe began to walk away.

“Dedue?” Ashe asked, seeing Dedue’s expression. He held his hand out towards him. “Are you coming?”

“Yes,” Dedue replied, taking his hand.

Dedue followed Ashe through town, realizing that Ashe’s perfect fish vendor was Anna. He perused her selection and Ashe was right: all of them were recently caught, and the price wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t great.

“That’ll be 200 gold for those whitefish,” Anna laughed.

“That’s a lot of money for two fish,” Dedue said, furrowing his brow.

“Not for whitefish it isn’t,” Anna told him, her gaze sharpening and her smirk growing bigger.

“I have to disagree,” Ashe chimed in. “These are common fish around here so it doesn’t cost a fortune.”

“Maybe, but not for fresh whitefish,” Anna said, her voice becoming harder.

Dedue stayed out of the conversation and listened to the two bicker about prices. It was terrifying when he heard Ashe’s and Anna’s words exchanged. He was in awe of Ashe’s ability to cut the price of the fish down to something reasonable. How Ashe was able to haggle anyone, Anna no less, was a mystery to him. Not that he minded too much—he got good prices on food.

“Ugh,” Anna sighed, dejectedly. “You really drive a hard bargain, kid.”

“Heh,” Ashe smiled and laughed as Anna wrapped up the fish. “I just know how the game works.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Anna groaned, handing Ashe the parcel. “I hope you enjoy your fish.”

Dedue smiled as he took the fish from Ashe and placed it into the basket.

“Well, now that we have everything, we can go back to Fhirdiad castle and make the food!” Ashe exclaimed, setting off in the direction of their home.

Dedue nodded as he followed. He felt his stomach churn as they walked. He didn't know if Ashe had picked up on his feelings, or if he was ignoring it. Either way, he was still upset, though he made sure his emotions never crossed his face.

As soon as they returned to the castle, they headed straight to the kitchen. Nothing much was said between the two when they cooked. Dedue began fileting the fish as Ashe was preparing the tomatoes.

“Dedue,” Ashe softly murmured as he placed down his knife.

“Hm?” Dedue asked, coating the fish in a spice rub.

“I know something has been bugging you, and I don’t know what,” Ashe said, looking up at him. “I didn’t tell you I was coming back today because I wanted to surprise you.”

“You know I don’t like any kind of surprises,” Dedue reminded him as he coated the fish in his spice rub.

“I know,” Ashe sighed.

“Truthfully, I feel a little neglected,” Dedue added, placing the cut up fish onto a baking pan.

“I am truly sorry that I made you feel like that,” Ashe sighed out, placing his hands on Dedue’s arms to make him stop cooking. He tenderly squeezed Dedue’s arm as he moved closer to him. “I never meant to do that to you. I wanted to surprise you so I could see your lovely smile. I’m sorry, I should have sent you a letter saying that I was coming home early.”

“It would have been nice to see you home, cooking breakfast in the morning after these past couple of weeks,” Dedue reminisced, looking at Ashe’s face. “Even getting one letter from you would have been nice.”

“I’m sorry, Dedue.” Ashe’s face dulled.

“Ashe, I’m sorry,” Dedue apologized. “I didn’t mean to make things strange between us. I wanted to see you and I made it awkward.”

“It’s alright,” Ashe laughed a little. “I should have communicated with you about this. But nonetheless, I’m happy to be home.”

“As am I,” Dedue smiled.

“So, can I have my trademark Dedue bear ‘welcome home’ hug?” Ashe laughed.

Dedue smiled, wrapping his arms around Ashe’s body and feeling his warmth. “Now, let’s get back to making dinner.”

“Of course,” Ashe agreed.

At the end of the night, after they had finished dinner, they cuddled up into bed with each other. Dedue gave a big smile, his heart becoming warmer, when Ashe latched his arms around Dedue’s waist. He let out a little sigh of relief before drifting off into his own slumber. He was truly happy that Ashe was home.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I can now finally post this up! I got to write a piece for @asheduecookbook a little bit ago and I wrote about a little domestic life between Ashe and Dedue. Yet another ship of mine that falls under being a QPR for me. I have many, and one of them is AsheDue.

#fire emblem #my writing #fire emblem three hopes #ashedue #dedue x ashe #ashe x dedue #dedue molinaro/ashe ubert #ashe ubert/dedue molinaro #dedue molinaro x ashe ubert #ashe ubert x dedue molinaro #dedue molinaro #ashe ubert

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