#but when it’s more isolated noise or just certain types

[ignatius-pennyfeather-ix]

i should get a medal for getting through every day even though there’s Textures but worst of all Sounds

#noise sensitivity #sensory issues #sensory overload #my auditory sensory issues are a nightmare #loops earbuds are good but i can’t use them in most situations or i forget #some days are hard #actually adhd #actually neurodivergent #actually disabled #it’s weird bc like. #in school where there’s constant noise i’m good #but when it’s more isolated noise or just certain types #i feel like screaming and breaking down #over like fucking #humming

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-One

A/n: Hey! Another part... my w key on my laptop is bugging and being very annoying, but only for the past half hour or so, so editing this has been >:| Anyway, hopefully you enjoy this next segment!

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Eating, swearing, mentions of injury and anxiety, ANOTHER BAD attempt at Spanish...

Masterlist

--

I didn’t know if I was dreaming, making things up, or if he was actually there.

Everything else seemed to be real. The sheets that scratched at my exposed legs, the continuous beep of the monitor stationed beside me, the pounding in my head.

It must’ve been him. 

Still, I had to ask. “Am I still asleep?”

He looked at me for a long moment before he shook his head.

“Am I dying then?”

His lips pressed into a very hard line at that, but he couldn’t quite hold my gaze.

“Then why are you here?” I choked out next, that burn that often tingled its way up the back of my throat and licked at the skin of my cheeks was back again, but I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t let myself.

George hesitated for a split second then took a step inside. I saw him swallow, throat bobbing, before he made a gesture towards the door. I nodded numbly in reply, not even aware of what he’d been asking for exactly until he closed it behind him. 

The shut door seemed to isolate the noise outside, leaving the two of us in this precarious little bubble that was sure to soon pop. He took another step closer, then one more, but halted by the end of my bed.

He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t. So I stared at him and waited. I’d been waiting long enough, what was a few more minutes?

Apparently it was just long enough for Matty to come barging back into the room, frowning down at the metal handle as the door swung open before him. 

“Did I shut that?” He asked out loud with a furrowed brow when he entered, shaking his head lightly as if trying to recall whether or not he really had. It was in that next second that he glanced upwards, I watched the way his bemused expression shifted entirely when his eyes focused on George. 

I could only assume that he was just as surprised as I’d been.

“What the fuck?” Matty said almost on instinct, confusion evident in his tone.

He froze mid-stride to gape at the tall drummer, who looked very out of place in the small hospital room, and blinked half a dozen times before he seemed to come to his senses. But Matty didn’t react the way I thought he would. I honestly figured that there’d be a lot more screaming involved, sort of similar to that of George’s last hospital visit.

“How’d you get here?” Was the first thing Matty asked and, although valid, was the last question I’d expected from him.

“Um,” George cleared his throat and my eyes shot away from Matty’s stilted form and over towards him, he was a tad bit twitchy, nervous almost. “Boarded the first plane I could. Was with Ross when you phoned.”

His voice only proved to ache me further and I had to focus very hard on simply breathing, seeing as though my eyes had already stopped functioning properly, like they were too scared he’d disappear if I dared even blink.

“You phoned Ross?” I heard myself ask, hardly even aware that I’d done so, too concentrated on the man stood before me, the exact one I’d been doing my very best not to think about for the last few weeks. Which had been hard enough after my short trip to Delia’s the other day. 

“‘Course I did.” Matty answered me and I forced myself to spare him a glance, fighting against the urge to simply ask George to come closer so that I could make sure he really was there. So I could just reach out and touch. “Messaged him and Hann to tell him what’d happened, then the ugly fucker phoned me. Though, he did talk me down from a fucking panic attack, so I rescind that previous comment.”

I couldn’t even muster an amused smile for him, head too heavy, mind too busy.

Matty turned to George then, “No one said you were coming though.” He scratched at the back of his neck and then proceeded to look between the two of us. “Do you, uh, do you want him in here?”

I finally blinked when I realised that the awkward question had been directed towards me and the face George pulled upon hearing it told me he obviously hadn’t thought that far ahead. Whether I’d be willing to have him here, even after he’d travelled over two thousand miles to see me.

Was that all it took then, I wondered, an ocean to separate us and he’d come running?

The thought made me feel far too many emotions at once and so I silently played Matty’s question over once more. Did I want him here? 

For the longest time I’d always felt like I’d put George through the ringer, during the time we’d spent together as friends as well as when we’d become something more. But looking back at our relationship, I’d never forced him to stay, to commit to all the baggage that appeared to trail behind me on the long rope which belonged to the noose I’d long since tied around my neck. He’d done that himself. He knew what he’d been setting himself up for.

I’d carried the guilt and the shame of my past for far too long, to the point it had seemed to affect the people I surrounded myself with, it made me put them on a pedestal, in a position higher than myself simply because they’d stuck around long enough, or hadn’t walked away when things had gotten tough.

But that was only because I’d never thought much of myself.

I’d always been confident, sure, quick to pick a fight and stick up for myself, knowing no one else would, but that was just a front. A facade I’d overused to the point where every one believed I wasn’t insecure, or lonely, or struggling. Because I was all of those things and more, I’d always been. I’d just been rather good at hiding it.  

And the way George had treated me, not just after things had ended between us, but when I’d fought to keep him in my life after the fact, and that night I’d gone round to his, as well as the time I’d spent in hospital with him having left me alone to ride there when I’d been hurt. Vulnerable. It spoke volumes.

So even though I had a million and one questions I wanted to ask him, I also had an answer for Matty.

“No, I don’t.”

—MATTY’S POV—

It was fucking depressing.

Not only had he been forced to spend even more time in a place he utterly despised, he'd also had the luck of the draw by having been chosen to babysit his giant of a drummer, who had yet to even utter a word since he’d been all but kicked out of Y/n’s room.

So now they were both stuck sat in a waiting room, listening to the ambience of the bustling hospital around them. Both of them in foul moods.

Matty huffed, unable to keep up the silence much longer. “You good?”

He was met with a minute scoff, but that was it as George continued to stare blankly at the white wall ahead.

Sucking in a breath through his teeth, Matty allowed his body to flop further into the uncomfortable chair he’d been sat in for most of the day now.

“Well, what did you really expect, mate?” He said after a stilted minute had passed, “I mean, you’ve been a prick to her for months now. Can’t really blame her for not wanting to see you now that you wanna talk.”

George shot him a dark glare, one which was quickly replaced with a remorseful sort of frown. He looked almost pitiful- it was proper sad. “I know.” He murmured, voice hoarse and quiet enough that Matty had to lean a little nearer towards him to hear better.

“Can I ask, like,” Matty prompted, “What was actually going through your head when you got on that plane?”

The drummer shrugged helplessly, then dragged a lazy hand down his face. He looked worn and tired, twice his age under lights that were clearly on the brink.

“Her.” George replied, “All I could think about was seeing her. I fucked it last time, I know that. But I was just so fucking terrified, mate. And when Ross got that call- I just had to see her. I couldn’t not.”

Matty nodded slowly, he could sort of understand it. George had fucked up, big time, yes. And he’d be paying for those mistakes for the rest of his life, but maybe he could make up for it now?

All these fucking maybes…

He exhaled heavily and just decided to bite the bullet, “You finally gonna tell her then?”

George’s shoulder sagged in a defeated shrug. “If she even lets me.”

Matty tried not to let his surprise show, even as he dipped his chin in a nod again. “Just have to wait and see then, ey?”

—

Me: Did you know?

Ross: Why hello to you too sunshine Ross: Glad to know you aren’t actually dying

Me: Ross. Me: George is here. In fucking!! Spain!!

Ross: Ah

Me: So you did know he was coming then

Ross: Tried to talk him out of it Ross: Figured it might be a bit.. weird? Him just turning up out of the blue but he was fucking frantic

Me: Yeah well now I’M fucking frantic Me: Why now??? After everything??

Ross: Only he can tell you that love

Me: You’re not helping. AT ALL.

Ross: What else did you expect from me?

Me: Idk Ross! Some sympathy at least, I almost died Me: Again.

Ross: You fainted Ross: But if ur gonna make a habit of it I reckon I can tone down the sympathy a bit Ross: You know how much I’ve spent on fuel since ur first visit??

Me: Wow so it’s come down to money huh?? Me: Still a stingy bastard even now you’re loaded

Ross: Uh how do you reckon I stay that way? Ross: Can you fuck off now and just go talk to G Ross: You want answers, he’s where you’ll find em

Me: :(( Me: I can’t

Ross: Why not?

Me: I’m not ready yet

Ross: Or are you just scared?

Me: Rude of you to call me out like that Me: Can’t someone just sedate me again??

Ross: Voice of reason here Ross: Just give him a chance to explain, he might surprise you

Me: You know something I don’t MacDonald?

Ross: 🤷‍♀️

Me: >:///

Ross: Glad ur ok tho x

Even with everything going on, Ross still had a way of driving me insane whilst also managing to make me smile. It was nice to know I could always count on him to be an A-Class prick (though charming in his own way) during the most difficult of times.

A rapid knock rattled then and I turned my phone off just as I looked up. Blinking at the sight I was met with, I was more than dazed by the person who stood there gazing down at the clipboard they held in their hand. 

I couldn’t help but silently question whether anyone else was going to magically appear in the doorway to my hospital room anytime soon… Or if it was merely just a coincident that two of the people I’d least expected to show up, actually did.

“Alvaro?”

It appeared that the handsome stranger I’d met at the bistro earlier in the week wasn’t just the handsome stranger who had charmed his way into sitting at my table and conversing with me over a love of literature, he was also a doctor. My doctor, or so I could only assume.

Alvaro’s piercing eyes swept up to find me at the sound of my voice and for a second I almost didn’t expect him to recognise me in return, but then he said my name. The surprise I felt was evident in his face too.

“Wow, this is-” The doctor begun.

“Unexpected?” I chuckled lightly as he slowly approached, he looked the same as how I remembered him but different somehow too. Maybe it was the white coat?

“Sí, aunque me alegro de verte.” Alvaro quipped back with a smile, he looked at me for a moment longer before he spoke again, seemingly realising just why we were remeeting. “This has never happened to me before,” He added with a tiny chuckle, slipping his clipboard under his arm.

“Really? Guess I must be special then.” I teased and made myself sit up a little further when he rounded the bed, “So you’re a doctor? How did this not come up before?”

He grinned when I did but then gifted me a small shrug, “You did not tell me what you do either.”

And I supposed that was fair, I acquiesced with a sly smile.

“So, is there any news? I’m feeling a lot better than I did when I first woke up.” I told him honestly and he glanced down towards his clipboard, thumbing at the few pages.

“They told me that this is your second time,” Alvaro mentioned, eyes flicking across the paper before they made their way back to me.

I nodded at him, “I was in an accident, back home. Um, just with a car. I hit my head then too, the wound is still fairly new.”

His lips pressed together, as did his brows, to create a displeased frown. “The old wound is fine. There was no need for any stitches this time around as well, but your friend told the nurses that you did hit the floor hard. Did you feel any symptoms before that?”

I thought about it and then recalled to him the dizziness I’d felt, as well as the exhaustion, but at the time I’d put them both down to the long day I’d had. 

Alvaro was seemingly in flat-out doctor mode now, re-asking questions a nurse from earlier already had, then shining a bright light in my eyes, humming as he looked things over. 

“Your tests have come back okay, there is no swelling on the brain, just a scalp-injury. Which is good. It’s what we were hoping for really.” He told me pleasantly, “But the fainting, that’s the issue.”

I chewed at my lower lip, mind flickering back to the room I’d spent weeks in, the same room they’d relayed to me everything that had gone wrong. My eyes casted themselves down to my cast on impulse and when I glanced back up, the expression on Alvaro’s face told me that he’d finally gotten that answer to the question he’d been asking just before Matty had interrupted us all those days ago.

“Post-concussion syndrome.” Is what he said next.

I frowned at him. “What?”

“That’s what we believe you are experiencing.” Alvaro clarified, he took perch on the very end of my bed, his white coat wrinkling as he turned to face me. “You told us about the headaches you been having, the drowsiness and weakness, the issue you have with your ear. It all leads to post-concussion syndrome.”

“Right.” I swallowed, thinking it over. “And is that… bad? I thought concussions lasted, what? A couple of days at most.”

Alvaro dipped his head once at me, “Typically they do. But head injuries they are strange and recovery is not a linear line. It does not happen quickly and is very different for everyone. When you had that accident, you suffered a lot of trauma to your head and the brain is a very fragile thing. This diagnosis is not bad, just something that had not been anticipated. It’s why you fainted, it is why you may faint again in the future, or experience the headaches and dizziness, as well as the ringing in your ears. You may even feel some anxiety and have issues with other things, like sleep, concentration, memory, and controlling your emotions.”

If I hadn’t felt broken before, I sure did now.

I must’ve looked a little out of it I supposed, because Alvaro placed a careful hand on top of mine and I peered up at him with stinging eyes.

“It won’t last forever. Just a little while. All you need now is rest and hope. ¿Sí?”

—

“Was that who I thought it was?” Came Matty’s baffled greeting as he stumbled into my room, casting greedy eyes at the back of the doctor who had smiled at him and trailed out the door just as he’d arrived. “Please tell me it was.”

I snorted softly, but conceded with a nod. “Mad, right?”

“You’re shitting me.” Matty muttered back, he shook his head before his attention zeroed in on me, “Did you two just have sex in here? Is he into role-play, were you playing his poorly patient?”

With a deadened expression I threw the closest thing I had to me in his direction. Matty squeaked and ducked just before the plastic cup could touch him, though the remnants of water that had lined it did catch the side of him. I grinned wickedly in retaliation whilst he gritted his teeth at the sudden dampness. 

“Almost looks like you’ve pissed yourself.”

Matty scowled and reached for a paper roll, violently ripping away so that he could dab at his shorts. “Haha, what are you, three?”

I shrugged with a forced smile, “Don’t say shit like that then.”

“What!” Matty squawked at me, bewildered. “You can’t expect me not to! He’s your flaming doctor! It’s insane.”w

With a roll of my eyes, I relaxed back in bed before shooting him a tiny smirk, one that had him making his way across the room to shuffle in beside me.

“What the fuck did you two say then? Bet you shit yourself.” He commented as he kicked his legs up over mine. “I’d’ve killed to have seen your reaction.”

“Trust me, I almost did shit myself.” I replied around a huff, “I mean, first George, and then him? Feels like a fucking revolving door.”

Matty snorted, falling further into my pillow so that he could turn his head towards me. “Love Island more like. Only, it’s just you three, and there are a few more braincells involved. It’s a lot more fucking interesting too.”

I swatted his arm lightly with a faint chuckle before I sighed. “Alvaro isn’t like that. He’s my doctor.”

“Alvaro, huh? Forgot he had a sexy name.” Matty hummed playfully, I tried to bite back a smile. “What did Alvaro want anyway?” 

Any amusement I felt flooded away and my gaze fell to the hands sat in my lap. Matty noticed, because he always did, and shuffled closer to take one hand in his.

I released a heavy breath, “They reckon I have post-concussion syndrome.”

“Right. And what’s that?”

“Just means it’ll take me a lot longer than we thought to heal. ’S why I fainted, why I might faint again. Why my hearing’s so fucked and why I either sleep too much or not at all. It's why I have migraines and get dizzy. Basically the reason why I feel so fucking shit all the time.”

Matty’s hold tightened a fraction before he decided to just wrap me up in his arms. “It’ll be alright, love. We’ll get you better, then put all this behind us, ey? Til then, we follow what the doctors say and do their fucking heads in.”

I gifted him a wet chuckle, “By doing what?”

“By annoying the fuck out of them until they let you leave this shit-hole.” Matty told me, quite seriously too, but then he could never seem to help himself, “Preferably with that fit doctor of yours’ number, yeah?”

I cackled and elbowed his side. He relented easily but was still smiling away whilst the two of us continued to talk about the most randomest of things, instead of the ghost who still lingered outside in the waiting room.

— 

I had actually fallen asleep, but hadn’t gotten much of it, seeing as throughout the night either Matty or a nurse had woken me up hourly to check on me.

So by the time the sun had risen I was bleary eyed and just itching to get out of the stuffy room, I was tired but hardly feeling the affects of it. There was too much anticipation over whether or not I could leave before our trips end for me to linger too long on it.

“Ah, and how is my favourite patient doing this morning?”

I glanced over towards the door with a smile for Alvaro, thanking the stars for Matty, who had sent George back to the villa to pick me up some clothes and other essentials. I’d’ve hated to have felt so disgusting in front of the young doctor, yesterday had been a fluke thing, no adonis of a man would be seeing me that way again. Not if I could help it.

“I’m good, tired but excited to leave this place.” I replied in truth.

Alvaro gave me a mocking frown in retort and placed a hand over his heart. “You wound me, corazón! Y aquí estaba yo creyendo que esa sonrisa tuya era mi sol!”

I hid my rapidly colouring cheeks from the man behind a hand and laughed, “Nothing to do with you! I’m just really tired of hospitals.”

He hummed, eyes twinkling as he gifted me a gorgeous smile. “You’re in luck then! You are allowed to leave-” A tiny squeal, which erupted from me, cut him off and made him chuckle, though he was quick to finish his sentence, “But! You have to make sure you rest, okay? Take things easy. I have some medication to prescribe, but other than that I only wanted to talk to you about your stay here.”

My head titled on its own accord. “What about it?”

“When are you meant to fly home?” He asked me and came to sit in the wooden chair opposite from where I sat crosslegged on the bed.

“Um, tomorrow night.” I told him, a tad bit confused. “Can I ask why?”

Alvaro smiled, “Nothing too bad. Just with your injury, it may be safer to wait a few more days before you fly. Or perhaps use another mode of transport.”

He must’ve seen the muddled frown I wore because he shifted on the chair, elbows coming to rest on his knees as he leant forward.

“With a small head injury it is typically okay to fly after a couple of days, but due to your previous accident I don’t want to risk anything. It is not only about the concussion, but your hearing also. The high altitudes increase cerebral blood flow to the brain which is why patients are advised not to fly straight away, it can increase pressure and worsen symptoms.”

“Okay.” I said slowly, swallowing as I thought things over. I had my next checkup in three days time. Matty had band rehearsals. He had meetings. Places to be. Events to attend. I had… my checkup.

“Is that manageable?” Alvaro’s question broke me from my whirling thoughts and I snapped my head up towards him. His eyes were on me, their colour rivalling the warmth of late spring.

I licked at my lower lip and didn’t miss the way his gaze trailed after the motion. “I have to talk to Matty about it, my friend.”

Alvaro dipped his head in understanding, “That’s fine. I can too, if it would make things easier?”

My eyebrows lifted up in surprise and I found myself nodding away before I could really stop myself. “Um, that would probably help a lot.” I released a hollow chuckle, but smiled a little more genuinely when our eyes met. 

The doctor mimicked the second gesture easily, “Then consider it done.”

Alvaro left shortly after our chat and Matty returned to the room a little while after with breakfast bags full of MacDonalds in hand, precariously balancing a tray of drinks on the crook of his elbow as he tightroped his way through the door. 

I was practically all ready to go, only waiting on my release forms now. I quirked a brow at the curly headed frontman just as he placed the food down on top of the moving table that hung over the end of my bed.

“Did you order everything on the menu?” I asked him, moving closer. I peered into one of the bags whilst Matty released an over exaggerated sigh.

“Had to, it all looked too good and haven’t had a maccies here since last tour.” He told me, grabbing at the closest latte available, “Plus, it’s like our last day here so I had to make the most of it innit.”

I grimaced into the face of a McMuffin. “About that…”

Matty raised a brow at my choice of words but didn’t look too bothered by them as he threw himself into the bed I’d previously made. I wanted to scowl at the action but couldn’t, too anxious about what would happen once I'd told him.

But before I even could, George appeared and my mouth quickly snapped shut. I cut a sharp glance over towards Matty, who avoided my gaze by staring up at the ceiling, tongue toying with the straw of his drink. I closed my eyes for a split second and took a breath. A very necessary one.

I looked over at George again, he was stood toeing the line to the door, as though he was scared he might go up in flames if he dared even cross it. I huffed and reluctantly shoved one of the brown paper bags across the table at him, “You gonna dance about there all day, or do you want some food?”

George’s surprise was noticeable but he hid it quickly, then made his way further inside, doing his best not to get too close as though he was afraid it might irritate me further. It did, but I was adult enough to breathe through it, turning my attention back over to where my so-called best mate laid spread out on the thin sheets.

“You two plan this then?” I asked out loud and Matty looked to me then with a faux expression of shock.

“As if our two single braincells could put something as brilliant as this together!”

I hummed sarcastically, “Don’t play stupid, Matthew. It suits you, but you’re better than that.”

George snorted at the quip and I did my best not to look his way, though I could hear a bag rustling just behind me.

Matty pouted but brushed the comment off, “Oi, G, toss me that tortilla, would you?”

A wrapped tortilla went sailing over my head, straight into the hands of the skilled musician and Matty grinned. 

“Cheers.” He said then took a victorious bite before looking at me expectantly, “Anyway, what were you saying, you know, before?”

“Oh.”

I gaped for a nanosecond, then just before I could come up with something to say, Alvaro waltzed back into the room. Only he wasn’t in his usual white coat and scrubs, no, in their place was a pair of pale green tailored trousers and a tan linen shirt, which he’d paired with a light jacket and some sleek trainers. My fish-mouthing was for a whole other reason now.

“Alvaro!” Matty cheered, grinning broadly as he waved the Spanish man in further.

Alvaro stepped inside, chuckling at his warm welcome. “Matty.” He greeted and then turned to me with a sincere smile. The only show of acknowledgement he showed George’s presence was a short dip of his head. “I was actually hoping to speak with you.”

Matty’s forehead furrowed briefly but he shrugged, “Yeah, ‘course mate. What’s up?”

Alvaro's gaze darted to me, apprehensive.

“Did you get a chance to mention it?” He asked me and I shook my head in return.

“They just got here.” I told him honestly, fiddling with the wrapper I held.

“Ah, okay. No worries, querida.” The doctor then pivoted back to Matty, “My office is just up the hall, would you be okay to speak there?” He also looked back to me just to make sure that it was fine with it too. I smiled.

Matty’s inquisitive nature had him jumping up off the bed and wolfing down what little remained of his tortilla without thinking it through, and he took his latte with him. “You gonna be okay?” He asked me quietly as he passed, a hand brushing my shoulder. I nodded mutely, feeling two sets of eyes on us.

Matty nodded too and went to make his leave, Alvaro paused before he followed though. “Are you still okay with it?” He questioned me and I was grateful for his cautiousness, his need to make sure he wasn’t overstepping. 

It was new. Something I hadn’t had much experience with in life. Having known the guys for as long as I had, there weren’t many boundaries you could set. How much you could or couldn’t tell them. We’re all just constantly in each other’s pockets- or at least we used to be.

Having that safety net there to catch me when I felt unsure, only validated my agreement to let Alvaro speak to Matty about it first, explain it properly. It definitely eased my anxieties around the matter. About putting Matty out, or having to face the fact that I might have to stay in a foreign country all alone. Prepared me a bit.

“Thank you, again.” I murmured to him just as he went to exit, and he merely gifted me a smile in return before he wandered after Matty.

Then it was just George and I. All alone.

The last time we’d been alone was out in that hospital hallway back in the Uk. He looked better now than he had then, but not by much. Nowadays he just looked like he hadn't been eating as much, leaner than he’d been since we were teenagers. His choice of clothing had changed somewhat too, it was darker now, grungier almost, than what I was used to.

“So what’s with Julio Iglesias?”

George’s snarky comment had me shooting him a narrow-eyed glare, but instead of retorting in the same manner, I simply reached for the iced coffee Matty had brought me and took a long sip.

I watched as George worked his jaw over, screwing his empty wrapper into a ball and tossing it into the bin nearby as he walked his way over to the window beside the bed.

“Why’re you still here?” I asked him, not unkindly, just curious as to what his answer would be.

His hooded eyes snapped over towards me, he had a palm splayed against the windowsill, leaning himself against it. The morning sun trickled over his stoic features.

“Why am I still in Spain, or here with you?” He retorted.

I looked at him, it had been a while since I’d even had the chance to. “Both.”

George shrugged one shoulder, the one he wasn’t using to bare the brunt of his weight with, and looked back at me. His brown eyes were so familiar, but still, they held so many secrets. “There are a lot of worse places I could be. And, you’re here, so I am too, I ‘spose.”

I couldn’t hold back the scoff I made. 

George sucked the inside of one of his cheeks against a row of teeth and nodded once. “Guess I deserve that.”

“And more.” I muttered, unable to help myself.

“If it helps at all, I hate me too. And I am sorry, for everything that went down, for everything I did.” He spoke, gazing at me even as I looked away, eyes concentrated hard on the sky outside. “You deserved better. Always have.”

I swallowed back the bile that climbed its way up my throat. “What I deserved was answers.”

George nodded. Both knowing it was the truth.

“But I won’t get them, will I? Even now.”

He was quiet a long while before he spoke up. “I want to answer your questions.” He inhaled slowly, “I just- back then I wasn’t in the best state. Even now, I’m still a mess. But I’m… trying.”

I couldn’t lie and say that his words didn’t affect me, or make me curious.

“You went to Delia’s.”

I decided to start off easy, figuring that it wasn’t something that would set off any alarm bells, a subject that could be breached here and now without much emotional hassle.

That, and I’d been intrigued about it. Agonising over it really since I'd heard.

George didn’t appear very shocked when I said that. Like he’d already known that I knew. “I did.”

My eyes panned between his own. “Why?”

He turned his focus outside, giving me a glimpse of his strong nose and jaw.

“I wanted to feel useful. I wanted to help you in the only way I felt I could at the time. Delia, she’s nice. She recognised me and let me stay. Didn’t ask questions and only offered up conversation when she started a brew.” George divulged, fingers tapping against wood of the sill. “She spoke highly of you, it was like you were there, even when you weren’t.”

I ground my teeth and drew in a breath.

“But I wasn't there, I was in a hospital room waiting for you to show up instead.”

George’s chin dipped at my words, his eyes shut as though he was struggling with some sort of inner turmoil. “I know. I let you down. I know that.”

“You let me down long before that, George.”

“I know that too.” He agreed willingly and the sincerity he spoke with hurt my heart.

I had no reply for him, not one that would prove useful now, and so I was thankful when Matty and Alvaro trailed back in, the former practically buzzing with excitement whilst the doctor tried to withhold a grin.

“Ten more days, baby!” Matty hollered loudly, beaming as he scrambled his way over to me, missing the tension I wore like a cape. He kissed my forehead rather dramatically and grabbed hold of my shoulders, shaking them. “I know I had a go at you for fainting on me, but now I’m almost glad you did!”

“Matty.” Came George’s bewildered rebuke, and I had to chuckle, even as Matty shook me lightly.

“You’re okay with it then? Alvaro told you everything?” I questioned him, glancing over at the doctor briefly before Matty was nodding away aggressively in front of my face.

“‘Course I’m fucking okay with it! Ten more days where I don’t have to do fuck all? Sign me up!”

I giggled lightly at his excitement and the anxiety I’d been feeling loosened its restrictive hold around my chest. “Good.”

“Why, did you reckon I’d leave you here?” Matty joked, still grinning madly away.

My tight smile must’ve been a dead giveaway because Matty tutted and shoved my arm gently. “Don’t be a div. As if I would. Besides, already got a plan, haven’t I?”

I frowned back at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Figured the rest of the band could come join us.”

Part Twenty-two>

#the 1975 #george daniel #george daniel the 1975 #george daniel fic #george 1975 #george daniel x reader #matty #matty healy #george daniel x you #1975 #best friend matty #the 1975 band #fic #adam hann #ross macdonald #carly holt #1975 band #matty 1975 #series #work #exes to lovers #y/n #reader #multi part fic #x you #x reader #angst #fluff #humour #drama

[leggerefiore]

Gift-Giving

cw: fluff, christmas holiday thing, n x reader

----

You watched the green-haired man curiously as he stared at the glowing tree in the Gear Station. He was unsure about how he felt riding the trains around Unova instead of getting around above ground, but you managed to convince, as the winter weather made you uncomfortable in trying to walk from Nimbasa to Lacunosa.

“Have you never seen a Christmas tree before, N?” you asked him, curious as to whether he had even celebrated the holiday. Ghetsis… certainly was not the type to enjoy such a holiday, you felt. He was quite lacking in more cultural knowledge, too. His pure excitement over you explaining the fireworks show on summer had been a pleasant one.

“No…” he nervously admitted, blue eyes glimmering with reflection of the lights, “What is it for?”

“You put one up and supposedly a special Delibird brings you a gift if you have been a good kid,” you told with a soft grin, “Of course, that's just what parents tell their kids to get them to behave.” His eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. You knew there was some time to kill before the next train arrived for Lacunosa, so you decided to let him enjoy the tree for a moment.

“Ah, love,” he suddenly asked you, “What is that supposed to mean?” He pointed to a giant nutcracker standing beside the tree. You stared at it. Whose choice was it to put this up? It would haunt your nightmares at how it stood just taller than you.

“I'm not sure, and I don't think I want to know,” you admitted and grasped his hand.

Perhaps it would be better to wait at your platform after all.

~

You stared around the shops with a worried thought plaguing your mind. Christmas was fast approaching, and you needed to get gifts for your friends and family… and N. He was completely absorbed in the holiday spirit, you would say. You did not think he was much a holiday type, but it seemed the idea of celebrating Delibird and giving gifts was enchanting to him.

Decorating your home with him was fun, but it struck you hard that he needed a gift.

What did he like?

Pokemon. Sweets. Unovan history. Not things you could really box for around a week or two.

Well, you did already plan to make a Christmas cake for the holiday, but that was not necessarily a gift for him. A shudder ran down your spine as you recalled his “room” in the castle Team Plasma had built. His struggles with maturing were perfectly understandable, but it felt mocking and cruel to get him a children's toy for Christmas.

Maybe… you pondered a certain toy store with something sitting in its window.

Maybe he would appreciate something like that.

~

You waved off the last of your friends and family as you shut the door to your home. Snow piled up outside thickly, as it did every year in your part of Unova. Many blamed the Giant Chasm, but Kyurem had since been captured. It could not be their fault. Unova's climate just enjoyed being torturous.

You re-entered the living room to find N sitting in his sweater warmly while a Darumaka tried desperately to crawl inside of it. Apparently, the little guy had got a bit cold. You grinned at him when he gave you a gentle smile. Walking over to the tree, you ignored the random television show put on as background noise. The gift was wrapped in Delibird themed paper. He tilted his head when you approached him holding out the box.

“What is this?” he asked, eventually daring to take it from your hands. It laid neatly in his lap as N considered it curiously.

“A gift from Delibird,” you joked and sat down beside him, “I got you something since you seemed in love with the holiday. You've been pretty good this year.” N… N was never a bad person per se. Just a deeply confused and misunderstanding one. He devoted himself to learning about the world and who he was, which led to vast improvements with himself. However, many, many scars remained on his identity from the upbringing Ghetsis forced upon him. You hated how confused he had been from the isolation and lies of his youth.

Now, you felt excitement as he tore into the wrapping paper to reveal the box proper. He opened the box and his eyes went wide. Pulling out the plush Zorua, he gazed at it brightly. “Oh… How cute,” his voice was soft as he observed the little details, “Thank you…”

“Not a problem! Haha, you look adorable,” you pecked a kiss on his cheek. His arms came around you tightly as he buried his face into your neck. Poor Darumaka whined from between you both, but you happily returned the affection to him.

“Merry Christmas,” you told him, and rested your forehead to his.

“Merry Christmas, too?” he attempted to respond.

You gave another laugh.

#n x reader #pokemon n x reader #n/reader #pokemon x reader

[thegardenofbae]

Hi,

What are some of the best things for dealing with difficulties, changing your life (making good changes), and loneliness?

Hi there 🤍

When I come across difficult times, I find that they’re usually surrounded by a lot of noise…so many different things are vying for my attention and make it so difficult for me to focus on that one challenge. So, I’d first say try a practice of mindfulness, just so you’re able to really hone in on the root of the issue.

You might not have an immediate circle to lean on since you mentioned loneliness, but the support of a 3rd party (like a trusted mental health professional) can help you work through some of your life challenges that might feel catastrophic and too large for you to tackle on your own.

As for making positive life improvements: cliché as it might sound, visualization helps tremendously. Being able to actualize the way you’d like to see your life and certain outcomes can lay a solid foundation of how you go about achieving those goals. I think a key to this is realizing you’ve got time to change, and not beating yourself up for not being 100% perfect in your adaptation. I also think it’s critical to your self growth not to compare yourself to others. Your improvement should first and foremost be for the betterment of your life.

And as for loneliness, I think it’s something a lot of people deal with now. The world is so disconnected and isolated. It’s easy to say, learn how to enjoy your own company (which you should) but it’s healthy and crucial for us as humans to interact with other humans. I think as you go about making those positive life changes, you’ll discover yourself more as an individual: your likes, different interests you want to pursue, etc… and through that, you’ll find people in those spaces. When you do, I don’t think you should meet them with any expectations of a great, life giving friendship. Appreciate it for a human interaction with someone of similar interests and let it grow from there. Community will come, and the best types of communities (in my opinion) are the ones that happen organically.

I hope this was of some help. It was long, but I pray you find something to apply to your life 🤍

#bae speaks #💌

[rydenfanfiction]

1006 Ryden Fics

Update: 1/24/23: After like 8 years I think I finally got this to work again!

Entire Rec List is below the cut!

Be aware that these are wayback machine links, not links straight to the fic page. If a link doesn’t work, try copy/pasting the url into your search bar, and be sure to archive the page for the rest of us!

(Good In Bed But) Better With Chopsticks Ryan couldn’t use chopsticks if his life depended on it.

(Not) Afraid Of Being Broken In Brendon wasn’t really sure how it’d happened. Well, he knew it started with some cuddling, then moved slowly, building for months until everything started to fit together

 [And You’ll End Up Looking Like Supernovas] Ryan gets sunburned.

[Douse The Lights] “I’ve been waiting for you,” Brendon tells him, and Ryan says, “I know.”

 [Off a Cliff Just For the Spark] Ryan doesn’t want to do anything to ruin his already perfect memories. Brendon thinks that the stupidest thing ever.

 [You’ll Be Platinum] Brendon’s sex tape gets mixed reviews.

 @Replies Panic loves spamming twitter

 1-800-CALL-ME-B Brendon works in a call center, but not just any call center, and a certain client keeps calling back for more. It’s better than you’d think.

 20 Little Random Moments Brendon and Ryan’s relationship told in 20 moments.

 21 “Attention” was the number one thing on Brendon’s list of stuff he wanted for his birthday.

 28:06:42:12 Donnie Darko. It’s great but the end is really disappointing, sigh.

 50-50 Ryan Ross says yes to lube.

86, 400 Chances Ryan has Asperger’s Syndrome and is obsessed with time. Brendon loves him and goes with the flow. With 86,400 seconds in a day there are 86,400 chances to break it or keep it all together.

A Break from the Noise Ryan Ross has “noise.” He hears what people think, feels what they feel, and sees what they see in their mind.

 A City Named For Us Brendon and Ryan and the bitch of living. (Ryan’s side) And not-sequel-type-thing? That Long in Darkness Pined Brendon and Ryan and the bitch of living. (Brendon’s side.)

A Dark and Rainy Night An isolated video shoot turns deadly when a series of seeming coincidences conspire to trap the boys of Panic! at the Disco in a mountain valley with a psycho killer on the loose… And Brendon can’t seem to stop staring dreamily at Ryan long enough to focus on the danger!

 A Doll In His HandsRyan’s fingers are messy, so Brendon cleans them off.

A Fetish For The Finite And Sequel: Crush Me Like A Flower and third: Drop A Heart AND A FOURTH: Just What I’m Used To

 A Friend Of Mine Ryan just needs someone to come and hang out with him, but everyone’s busy. Story of his life. Jon sends his friend Brendon to help.

 A Hotter Touch, A Better F… Than Any Girl You’ll Ever Meet The one where being Mr. Nice Guy has some unforeseen consequences.

 A Kiss for Luck, Submerge Myself “At least she thought we were fighting,” he offered weakly, fixated on the undone top buttons of Brendon’s shirt and the flash of pale skin that showed through the gap and wondering if Brendon was as hard beneath those dress pants as he was right now.

 A Little Less Sixteen Candles

"To be honest, I kind of just want him to pound me."

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Schoolboy Crush 

What if Ryan can have them both?

A Little Less… and Sequel: The Pros And Cons Of Group Sex With Your BandmatesGSF. why.

A Little More Touch Me

Brendon had a thing about Ryan’s hands.

.

A Lover or a Friend, a Big Thing or a Small Brendon Urie, famous solo artist, is finally working on his second album, but it’s coming along a little slower than he’d hope. He can’t help it—he has a son to take care of, someone who he puts in front of everything. When Pete, his boss, gets restless and demands he starts working on the album, he brings Brendon a lyricist to help him get it finished. As the work progresses, their friendship progresses—but what happens when feelings do the same? What’s Brendon supposed to do when Ryan’s off limits in more ways than one?

A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy It is a truth not universally acknowledged that every small boy of highly advanced mechanical and electrical skills must be in want of a robot. Thus, Spencer created George 1.0 

 A Million Ways To Fall Brendon is having trouble coming to terms with being gay. So what does he do? Have a one-night stand of course. He starts to get sick and when he passes out, he’s taken to the doctor and finds out he has a mysterious unknown man disease. Either that, or he’s pregnant.

 A Mitten Love Story Ryan and Brendon liked being snowman hands. They liked everything about being mittens together

 A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square Brendon Urie has had a hopeless crush on Ryan Ross since the mortifying moment when he introduced himself at a national forensic conference by tripping in the aisle next to where Ryan was sitting and getting coffee all over his shirt.

A Physics Prodigy From Ukraine Ryan has depression and then Brendon moves in next door.

A Proportional Response So, yes, okay, he had a public sex kink. He was an attention whore, and besides, everyone had something, right? Still, it was totally unfair of Brendon to use it against him like this. 

A Shift in Tone Brendon questions Ryan’s words.

A Simple Souvenir Ryan hates the beach and he hates even more that he has to spend his vacation there.

A Tale Of Two Bookstores Patrick manages one of the many Barnes & Nobles in town, and everything is fine aside from his grumpy cashiers, his caffeine addicted baristas, and the two hidden in the back closet. Everything is fine, that is, until Borders decided to move in down the street and, yeah, Patrick is in trouble.

A Vicious, Delicious Cycle Brendon thinks school paddings are just a big tease.

A Wave You Glide In On High School AU. Fake Dating

A Year and an Ocean of Distance Based on the infamous Twitpic.

Abomination

High School. Brendon develops a crush on the pastor’s son. In which it is okay to cry over just about anything and it’s also acceptable to have sex in your friend’s grandmother’s bath using her head and shoulders shampoo as lubricant.

About Changes to @Replies: TheSpencerSmith @thisisryanross Jealous much? (Twitter!fic)

About Love and Forgetfulness One day, Brendon wakes up with amnesia.

About Space Unicorns and Chocolate Pudding Luke’s daddy was the coolest person on earth. He always played games with him and he could build the most awesome space camps.

Absence Ryan and Brendon grew up together, but have grown apart. Brendon stayed in Vegas and built his life there, while Ryan left the city to be thrown all over the world by a job he despises. After years of coming and going, they attempt to take a hold of each other once more.

Ace of Spades Ryan Ross has dodged death too many times, and when he does die he’s given another chance: go back to Earth and make someone fall in love with him in less then a month. Only problem is… he has to make a straight boy fall in love with him.

After All, You’re My Wonderwall He’d puke until his back, shoulders and stomach were burning. He’d throw up until he couldn’t breathe, sobbing uncontrollably as he knelt down in front of the toilet, hands palm flat against the dirty church floor.

After I Have Dreamed “Ryan Ross!” Brendon declares when he steps off the bus in front of their hotel, glasses askew, turning to face Ryan. “I love you!”

After the Rain Ryan finds a boy who is soaking wet and obviously hurt.

Agent Provocateur Brendon’s hit in the head and loses his memory. Spy fic.

Akin Brothers, Ryan and Brendon, were separated at a young age by their parents’ divorce. Their father took Ryan, against his wishes, to live in New York, while Brendon stayed in Nevada with their mother. Now, twelve years later, the two brothers are forced to spend time with each other, something that doesn’t go over too well with a bitter Ryan. 

Aliens in America Brendon’s convinced Ryan is an alien.

All Aboard Memory Lane

All Along Ryan always seems to appear when Brendon is doing something particularly embarrassing.

All For You The thing about Brendon, Ryan muses to himself, is that he loves attention.

All in My Mind The day Brendon met him was the day Ryan’s life started unraveling at the seams.

All My Best Titles Are Song Lyrics Ryan unknowingly takes his favorite song-writer’s virginity.

All That You Can’t Hold Ryan stares out the window a lot.

All This Alcohol Is Going To My Brain Ryan’s getting married and Brendon just can’t move on.

All This Alcohol is Going To My Head Just one more drink and he’ll move on, he swears. Sequel: Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue Brendon ruins everything.

All To Catch A Thief Brendon’s life is comatose and boring until someone breaks into every house in the town except his. A fairy tale about criminals. It’s so cute!

All We Fear is All that Can Save Us Jon and Ryan still talk to Spencer, and Jon still talks to Brendon, but since that decision was made last May, Ryan and Brendon haven’t really talked. And Brendon knows that he shouldn’t be surprised that Ryan’s here; after all, he’s here and he’s never been as, well, expressive about sex as Ryan has been.

All We Fear Is All We’ve Forgotten They both get off on pain  

All We Have Seventeen years into the future, things have changed. It’s time to find out where you come from, where you belong, and where you’re going.

All Wound Up

Brendon will never mention it but he loves Ryan best when he’s restless.

All You Need Is And everyone is always saying it, always singing “All you need is love,” but no one actually really realizes what they’re saying.

Alternate Uses For A Hipster’s Decor “Did you know Spencer’s coming over?” Ryan says, and Spencer startles so badly that his hand nearly smacks into the door, and Spencer knows the sound of that would give him away, but Ryan’s talking again, and Spencer strains to hear. “What do you think he’d do, if he came in and saw us like this?”

Always Leaving, But If there’s a science to it, Brendon can’t figure it out.

Amnesia in the Shithole Four days since their last gig. Four long, weary days since Ryan Ross, the guitarist of the world-known band Panic! at the Disco had mysteriously disappeared. Four days full of sorrow, worry and fights over frustration. Brendon sighed. Four days without Ryan by my side, he thought, feeling hot tears burning his eyes.

Amplified Ryan doesn’t understand why people think he’s a slut.

An Accident or an Incident? If you have a serious problem with the opposite gender you probably shouldn’t go see a creepy fortuneteller.

An Anchor With a Broken Chain When Ian gets hurt in a car accident, Ryan steps up to the plate and takes Ian’s place in the Panic at the Disco tour.

An Attempt to Clean Up a Mess He turns his head to look at the ceiling, words blurring together in a broken sigh, “Life is a mess, Brendon. And I hate messes, very, very much.”

An Unlikely Victorian Heroine

 ”Arms aren’t supposed to get me so hot, Ross.”

And Don’t Twirl Ryan is a 22-year-old model, with empty aspirations and disappointment with himself. He meets a hairdresser who needs to belong, and maybe he needs to find out what he needs before he can be what other people need.

And I Will Know You By the Shape of Your Absence Life has a habit of becoming ridiculously reliable when you’re least expecting it.

And If Angels Can Fall Features lonely, scientist Ryan, who discovers something he never thought possible on a normal day at work. Brendon related shenanigans and minor angst ensue.

And She Will Be Loved Ryan finds Brendon broken and bruised on a lobby floor and decides that Brendon needs to be showed what love is.

And Some You Do For Brendon Urie is lonely, Spencer Smith and Jon Walker are bored and life in Thornton Hill seems like it’s never going to be anything but mundane. Then a mysterious stranger sets up a shop on Main Street and suddenly everything is a little more magical. Part one of the Thornton Hill series

And That Smile That You Give To Me Ryan wants nothing more than to let Brendon knows how he feels, but he’s too shy to say anything. So Jon decides to help and makes up a game of seduction with a promise that if Ryan plays correctly, he’ll have Brendon falling over him in four days.

 And The Clock Strikes Twelve

 Brendon sinks into his chest, gaze landing on the mirror in front of them. “Look at us,” he breathes, even though Ryan already is.

And The Night Shall Be Filled With Music symphony orchestra.

And the Sun Burnt Out Tonight People’s faces look so much richer when they’ve been crying, but I always found it the most tortuous sight in the world to watch you cry. It was just wrong.

And Then It RainedStanding on the other side of the window, looking rather distraught and soaked to the bone, glancing around helplessly as the rain pounded down on him.

And We’ll Always Have Barcelona

Ryan and Brendon have long broken up, but Brendon invites Ryan to Barcelona for vacation anyway.

And Whether Pigs Have Wings Ryan impulse buys a pet shop and employs Brendon to help him out there. Completely adorable.

Angel of Music His life is hard, and he’s often mistreated, but at least he’s got a roof over his head, and food in his stomach. He’s learned to stop wanting any more then that.

Angels Among Us Ryan never knows how Brendon talks him into doing things like this.

Annoying Bunk sex, yay!

Another Good Word For Fellatio Ryan is offended that Brendon gives better head.

Anxiety Features nervous Brendon and shy Ryan in the cliché high school setting. Ryan’s in an abusive relationship with Jake and no one notices. Brendon’s the shy, geeky kid [whose best friend is one Mr. William Beckett] who just wants Ryan to notice him.

Anyone Else But You Right before college starts up again, Brendon meets Spencer’s friend, Ryan, and they hook up. Two days later, he finds out Ryan is one of his teachers.

Aphrodite’s Trap Brendon and Ryan go to Greece, but Ryan’s apparently the boy of ancient prophesy.

Apparitions and Other Everyday Abnormalities Ghost!fic. Ryan’s mother has completely fucked up his life by uprooting them and moving them back to Vegas, back to his hometown. He was expecting to be alone in a new place with no friends. What he wasn’t expecting was to find his house rather occupied by an univited guest that doesn’t seem to be able to leave. READ NOW.

Are You Like This, Afraid to be Yourself download link. Ryan is cold and Brendon is hot. Perfect!

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Brendon When Brendon came home with a bloody nose for the third time that week, his mother didn’t even ask. She just sighed and said, “Oh, dear.” The not again was implied.

Armed With Nothing But Your Boyish Grin Brendon actually has a morning routine now. God, they are getting old. No matter that they’re both still at least two years away from hitting the big 30, but how their younger selves would have laughed if they’d known that Brendon would have a morning routine and Ryan would be impossible until he’d had at least a pot’s worth of coffee.

As Dreamers Do In which Ryan forgets how not to talk.

At the Shade of Your Sheets “Hi, I’m Brendon. I like The Little Mermaid almost but not quite better than Fall Out Boy. What d’you want to drink?”

Attack Of The Blue Flu or How Ryan Helped Brendon Save Christmas Santa Claus sends Brendon on a mission to spread Christmas cheer.

Attention to Detail Brendon paid attention to what would make Ryan chuckle, low and breathless, and what would make him shudder and bite his lip.

Aubergine Dreams He imagines Ryan running his hands over it, smoothing out the creases and wrinkles, the way it would sit not quite right on his hips, over his chest, without any curves to fill it out. 

Automatic Joy This really was a fucked up thing to do, but he needed to get laid, and this just happened to be the perfect way to do it. A shiny plaque at the statue’s feet read “Ryan is a Coin Operated Boy. Insert a Quarter Into the Palm of his Hand and He’ll Do the Rest.

Autumn/Spring Brendon is struggling with a family that’s falling apart after his sister’s death. Then he meets Ryan.

Autumn/Winter Brendon’s completing his senior year of high school, trying to make it past the first anniversary of his sister’s death and one day become a hairdresser. Ryan’s a boy at the park with stunning eyes and hyperactive dog that walks into Brendon’s life without realizing. It’s a story about love and moving on.

Avoid the Good and Enjoy the Bad Brendon’s fiancé is a millionaire, his name is Chris. Chris suggested that Brendon should move in with him in his huge fucking mansion with three floors, sixteen bedrooms, twenty washrooms, three kitchens, four living rooms, blah, blah, blah, you get the point…And well of course you’re going to have maids, gardeners, chefs, servants, etcetera…And Ryan’s one of them. Eh?

Awkward, Unwanted Boner (AUB) Brendon had been having a good day, heck, a great day, so it was only fitting that it would all change in his seventh period History class.

Baboons and the Quest for the Last Poptart “It was the coolest, most fucked up dream ever, Jon Walker and I must share it with you.”

Back At One “Save you?” Brendon’s laugh is hollow and utterly wrong, twisting through a lull in the music. If Ryan never had to hear it again, it would still be too soon. “I’m not superman.”

Back to the Middle of the Place That Started It All Ryan was good at keeping secrets. But this secret was about to catch up with him. Honestly, honestly, this is the fic where Ryan gives birth.

Back To The Place He’s cute.” Brendon looks over at her, startled, and wonders if it’s all as obvious as it feels, if she can see it scrawled across his face after only talking to him for ten minutes. 

“He’s uh. He’s my band mate.” And Sequel: Until We’ve Reached Our Ever After

Bad Habit Ryan has a bad habit.

Ballad For The Lost Romantics Ryan didn’t exactly plan on being chased down the streets of Vegas by a gang one late night. He didn’t plan on being kidnapped either. Much less by someone who claims to be Ryan’s friend and protector, despite the fact that the two of them have never met before.

 Bananas

 Ryan finds a new way of looking at Brendon, but he doesn’t want to.

 Bartering Lines

"Okay, deal. You can kiss me, but stop tickling me in exchange."

Basic Adjustments Three days into the recording of The Album that Has Yet to Be Named, Brendon loses his voice. Just like that.

Bear Brendon thought that the Bear was the best thing ever. To be fair, though, Brendon always thought that something was the best thing ever, but it just so happened that today, this week, this month, whatever, it was the Bear.

 Beautiful Color “Tell me why they’re beautiful. Explain them to me.”

Because You Look Like A Jackass Brendon is new in town and already trying (and failing) to win Ryan’s heart.

Bedtime 

Brendon likes to sleep naked, did you know?

Been Taken Underage shenanigans on the fold out couch from the infamous share.

Before Midnight Brendon’s at a fancy dinner and Ryan is a waiter.

Behind the Curtain Panic! in the Wizard of Oz.

Behind The Golden Arches Brent and Ronald McDonald porn. How Brent Wilson Got His Hair Greasy The sequel. Technically not ryden. But this is my rec list and i do what I want *pathetic snaps*

Believe That Life Can Change Ryan gets pregnant; Brendon isn’t quite sure what to make of it.

Best Friends Means Brendon’s pretty much the Godfather of the school. Ryan’s his little-known right hand man. They’re best friends and they’ll stick by each other’s sides forever. But what Brendon doesn’t know and what Ryan’s beginning to feel will certainly complicate things.

 Best Laid Plans

 Brendon had a three-step plan to make Ryan Ross fall in love with him. 

 Bets Off

"I know you guys are taking bets on me and Brendon," Ryan said, "and I want in."

Better Together Pete was sort of vague about details and Ryan didn’t exactly have the balls to question it, but it is today, Pete said he’s coming today. 

Between A Hard Place And You Ryan’s stronger than he looks. 

Between the Lines “I wrote you an album.”

Big Girls Don’t Cry Fairy Princess Ryan is lonely. He never expects a stranger on the road to wind up being the one imperfect person who can change that.

Birthday Call Ryan calls Brendon.

Bitch Hikers Ryan picks up Brendon off the side of the rode. Then they pick up the Spencer and this is their journey. Makes absolutely NO sense at all and is perfect.

Black And White Piano Keys Ryan’s an English major and he needs a final project, but he gets a little more than he expected “You are the words to my music, Ryan Ross. You are the chorus to my melody. You are the beauty behind the beast.”

 Bless You Brendon has an allergy for dogs. Ryan notices that every time Brendon has a sneezing fit, he disappears to the restroom and only returns a lot later.

Blind Leading The Blind/Testimonial It all played out like a movie, the first three years of my high school career. Always the typical love/hate relationship plot line. Always jumping from event to event, keeping the pace and suspense, trying not to let the audience get bored. And we all know that the good movies never have a happy ending.

Bluebirds Fly Brendon isn’t a weatherman, he’s a meteorologist, and when a new resident news anchor joins The KATU news station, he’s more than a little excited.

Boston The day I found my sister in the bathtub dead was the day I met Ryan Ross.

Boy You Better Put Your Pen To Paper And Charm Your Way Out Everyone knows that George Ryan Ross is straight. Why would I have a chance with him? And especially me, Brendon Boyd Urie. 

Boy You Got A Real Pretty Face… Too Bad I Want To Break It Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie, esteemed and respected editors of Harlequin Magazine. They put each other through the fires of hell but could there be room for something else?

Boys Next Door Playboy Bunnies! Or the one where we objectify Brendon’s ass like whoa.

Breaking Brendon thinks differently. He jumps.

Breaking Rules Has Interesting Consequences (And Never Forget That Payback’s A Bitch) Ryan didn’t mean to. Too bad Brendon doesn’t care

Brendon and the Beast Beauty and the Beast AU. You knew it was going to come at some point.

Brendon and the Purple Crayon Like Harold and the Purple Crown. Except it’s Panic.

Brendon Ryan talks about Brendon.

Brendon Urie Dreamer Extraordinaire Mind magic isn’t against the law but generally people avoid it. It’s dangerous and unpredictable and those who take part are usually outcasts of society. If Spencer suggested this, he must be pretty fucking serious.

Brendon Urie Pet Detective Ryan Ross is the new kennel attendant at a veterinary clinic. Dogs all over town are going missing and when Ryan’s dog Hobo disappears, he’s lucky that his coworker Jon Walker knows who to call. Super Cute!

Brendon Urie’s Guide To Starting a Band There was nothing Brendon wanted more than to be in a band. Except maybe a really cute guy who loved him lots and being in a band. That would be totally awesome, but Brendon had to focus on the Getting a Band Together part first.

 Brendon, You Asshole Brendon’s a dick and Ryan’s pissed. And he certainly is not going to give into those puppy dog eyes an hour later, just begging to fuck him or—more likely—for a blowjob with a clumsy postorgasm hand job as reciprocation.

Bright Copper Non-Sunsets ”Hi, I’m Ryan Ross. You have a name that starts with a B and that’s all I know about you. I stare across a room of feebly drunk people and I see you with cocaine in my eyes in my lips on my ears in my brain and I think, BBBBBBBBBB.

Brilliant Smiles And Barely Scraping By Brendon’s holding something inside of himself. It’s far from his heart; that’s where his favorite songs are kept. What he keeps secret is held in a place that Brendon himself doesn’t even want to try to find.

Broken Glass And Rusted Nails When Ryan gets the tattoo, he bears it casually, sprawled out in the chair and smiling at Brendon’s chatter as the needle traces over his skin.

BuildABear Brendon and Ryan go to BuildABear.

Bully Buttsex Complete crack 

Burning Down Cathedrals That one where Brendon’s a famous musician and he gets Ryan’s band signed and where they don’t literally burn down cathedrals. Very good.

 Burning Through My Head

 Ryan helps Brendon with his Halloween makeup.

But I’ll Stray

"I thought we stopped doing this."

But In Time Brendon’s lyrics have the strange tendency to come true. Creepy Folkin’ Around theory in here.

But It’s Better If You Do Brendon Urie lives in Chicago with his teenage daughter Reagan. He divorced Reagan’s mother, Lizzie, two years ago because of her refusal to seek help for her alcohol abuse. One day while cleaning the attic, Reagan Urie discovers an old photo album that puts questions in her head that her father never wanted to have to answer.

But Sweeter The part that didn’t make sense, at first glance, was the spoon.

But Where Do The Nuns Come In? In which, Brendon’s family do their best, Ryan goes camping, Spencer mocks from afar, and Brendon is fascinated by Ryan’s flies

 By Small and Simple Things

And there’s no way that Skittle is currently hoisted above the head of a tiny little brown-haired man who is pressing the mouse away with his foot and shrieking in frantic whispers… No, it’s just not possible. Except it is.

By Super, I Mean You They all have super powers and Brendon spies on Ryan while he’s showering.

Cabin Days, Cabin Nights. 2nd POV!

Call Me Maybe Brendon meets a boy he can’t get out of his head.

Call Off The Crush “I wasn’t thinking straight”

Calling I heard a high pitched noise and turned my head to the side. Beside me on the steps sat a mouse brown cat with big honey coloured eyes.

Can I Have Your Number? Brendon REALLY wants Ryan’s number.

Can We Fast Forward To Go Down On Me? 

 redorchids

   Brendon and Ryan are getting it on in a supply closet.

Can’t Buy Me Love Ryan has a thing for shoplifting.

Can’t Forget The Things You Never Said Really, Ryan probably should have known that Brendon would be just as talkative in bed as he was out of it.

Can’t Stay Away Ryan Ross hates pain. He can’t stand any form of it; emotional or physical.

Candyboy There is an urban legend about how a boy can get the most spectacular and orgasmic kiss of his life, if he dares to try it.

Capes of Red Ryan doesn’t think he’s dead, he’s just misplaced his resurrection.

Capital Letters Make Things More Official 

Cardboard The thing about the world – it’s always moving. Spinning, twisting at breakneck speed and leaving him behind, always, and it’s just so confusing. So Brendon seals his eyes shut to avoid the motion sickness.

Carnival (The Normal Kind With Rides, Not The Creepy Ye Olde Carnivale Kind) Migraines, guilt, confusion, winning of stuffed toys, dates that may or may not be dates and of course Jon and Spencer.

Carry On Supernatural AU He pressed himself against the wall when he saw the figure standing at his door. Now he was probably really gone crazy. 

Carving Out Our Names The road to Maryland is paved with good intentions.

Case Number 182 How the split of Panic came about. Based on actual events, photos, tweets, videos, etc.

Castles in the Sky To say he is crazy is an insult. To say he is sick is an even bigger one. Brendon has to cope with the people around him and the way his family acts towards him after he ended up in the psychiatric ward. While maintaining a complicated relationship with the place’s resident pyromaniac: Ryan Ross.

Catching Airplanes Northern Downpour in which Ryan, Brendon, Spencer, and Jon put graffiti in various locations.

Cathedrals and Finger-Steeples Ryan doesn’t know exactly what Brendon wants from him, and he’s pretty sure that Brendon doesn’t, either.

Catnip Ryan and Spencer smoked catnip and turned into cats.

Caught Up In the Stars Brendon stared down at his feet, doing all that he could to avoid looking at the man. It wasn’t like things were bad between them; they were just a little uncomfortable since they’d stopped being together, of sorts. Whatever it was they were before, Brendon wasn’t sure.

Cave Of Wonders Jon Walker keeps hearing about these fabulous orgies.

Chain Of Flowers

 Brendon gets a new tattoo on the last day of the Honda Civic Tour.

Chasing the Monsoons Brendon’s always had a problem filtering his thoughts, and when he get high, it gets a little worse, which is why he confesses his fear to Ryan.

Children of Wrath The one where Ryan is dead and Brendon is charged. (Don’t not read it because of the summary.)

Christmas in the Desert AU college. Ryan and Brendon are done with finals. Brendon’s supposed to go with his parents to visit family while Ryan’s prepared to spend the holidays alone.

Chutes and Ladders Brendon has an adventure in babysitting, although he should probably pay more attention to the kid than her older brother.

Cicatrice “His name is Ryan Ross, well, George Ryan Ross III to be exact, but everyone knows him as Scar. Scar is everything Brendon is not, everything Brendon envies and wants to be. Scar doesn’t give a shit what people think about him, and he cares even less about everyone else’s feelings. Scar is every bad boy your Mom warned you about, and also few of the bad girls on top of that.” Sequel is Overshadowed

Claim The Sky There are several days in Brendon’s life that, he’s decided, have changed him forever.

Clandestine

Clarity Feeling bored and confused about life, Brendon goes to New York. He meets an insightful artist who helps him break out of his shell.

Coal—Sweater—iPod—This It’s Brendon’s job to deliver Christmas presents, but something special happens when he gets to a certain house.

Cock Slut and Sequel: Interruptions

Coffee Ryan is a misanthropic Starbucks barista who is a tired insomniac and just wants to be left alone. Then Brendon moves in. 

Cold Light Of Morning

Brendon wakes to Ryan’s hand stroking softly across his stomach.

Collect The Moments One By One It was Spencer’s idea. And that’s how bad shit happens. What else would anyone suspect when the Urie-Smith-and-sometimes-Valdés household attempts to throw a New Years Eve party and invites Ryan along with his many people?

Color Of Insanity Diamonds are a girl’s best friend but it turns out that sometimes boys want them too. To save themselves from a fate worse than jail, Spencer, Ryan and Jon need to steal a world famous jewel. Maybe they’ll need a little help.

Color Outside the Lines

Colors Ryan becomes blind in a freak accident, but Brendon will always be there for him.

Colour Wheel Brendon thinks in colors.

Combustion Brendon goes to a Renaissance Faire where he meets Ryan, a fire performer. Sequel is Kindle.

Come Undone Brendon thinks Ryan’s scarves are ridiculous.

Come What Sorrow Can

 People bully Brendon, Ryan takes care of him.

Common Circuitry Problems

 ”Oh,” Brendon breathed. “Your robot has a stutter. Spencer, that’s adorable.”

Common Sense

 Ryan and Brendon grow up together.

Communication Skills Brendon thinks Ryan doesn’t want him anymore.

Comptine D’un tre Ete In his mind, Ryan felt like he was in a foreign film a lot of the time.

Conflicted They’re back on the bus. Brendon is irritating, Ryan is irritated.

 Consanguinity Ryan never really thought of Brendon as anything more than a partner in crime. He hardly even thought of her as his “little sister.”

Conversations With Dead People Brendon’s mom sends him to stay with his aunt one summer. Maybe if his cousin wasn’t such bad company, Brendon wouldn’t have befriended the ghost.

Could Be Someone Ryan’s father died two months and four days after he graduated college, leaving his son with more debt than anything else. We’re all just trying to get by.

Counting Down the Days ‘Til You’re Walking Through My Door Brendon first met Ryan on a Tuesday.

Cradle of Civilization When an ancient device that has been buried under the sands of Egypt for thousands of years is uncovered, it brings with it more questions than answers, and for decades it remains a mystery until an extraordinary young man is brought in to solve what no one else has been able to. What is revealed is a gate between worlds, and a small group ventures through into the unknown where they are tossed headfirst into a struggle as old as the device itself. Through war and death and oppression and vast desert sands, maybe they will learn that some mysteries are better left as that. But there is also the chance, for one, to finally learn of the one thing that will make it all worth it.

Crash The Cemetery Gates Brendon’s a vampire under William’s reign, but comes across trouble when he’s inexplicably drawn to a human under Pete’s wing. 

Crawling Vines Ryan’s a teenage kid who walks around town at night, and gets sucked into the world of a ghost, called Brendon Urie. 

Crayons, Ketchup and A Lap Dance Tester Brendon curses the day when he promised to work as a substitute teacher for kindergarten. And Sequel: Smoothies, Hug-Attacks, and More Crayons

Crazy/Beautiful Ryan’s a slut and Brendon’s Mr. GoodyTwoShoes but somehow they manage to fall in love.

Crime And Passion Brendon witnesses a murder and Ryan is sent to protect him from the mobsters who want to kill him to stop him from testifying against them.

Crimson A questionably sarcastic tale in the wondrous world of Guitar Center

Cupid’s Chokehold is Stronger Than His Bow And Arrow High School. Cupid hates to fall witness to people hating each other. Unfortunately for him, Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross want to kill each other. Can Cupid keep his bow and arrow aimed at the right two people, or will his pet-peeve come in the way of fate?

Dance In the Rain It’s their movie moment.

Dance Upon The Waves A Pirate Fic. Brendon swears this is the last time he’s going to take treasure-hunting advice from a giant turtle. And *flailing motion* Sequel: [Untitled?]

Dance With a Ghost Kiss me and tell me it’s not broken.

Dance With the One Who Brought You Pete gives Ryan the worst gift for his birthday which turns into the best gift of his life.

Danger! High Voltage Ryan and Brendon find a new way to entertain themselves

Date Night At first it’s awkward.

 Days Gone By Crack!fic in which Ryan turns into Brendon’s favorite stuffed animal, Waffles the Penguin.

Deafening Silence It takes one brief moment to realize that sometimes it’s just better to let go. But it doesn’t make it any less painful.

 Dealing With Bullets

The first time Ryan was pushed against the wall was when he and Brendon were just fifteen, wearing Third Eye Blind tshirts and skinny jeans and converse.

 Dear Catastrophe Waiter 21-year-old Brendon moves to San Francisco, home of gay coffee bars, free donuts, and Ryan, the prettiest waiter Brendon’s ever seen.

Definitely (Maybe) Brendon has been pinning over Ryan for ages. The only thing stopping him now, is one Gabe Saporta.

Deprivation

Desert Drive Ryan and Brendon go for a late night drive.

Desperate Times And All That

Diamond in the Rough Brendon needs some help getting the boy. A Genie is just the way.

Diamonds, Loose Ryan thinks he’s got everything planned. That is, until Brendon turns up at his high school, and shows him how unstable he really is. It’s a story about lust, angst, and how no matter how hard you try, you can’t really escape when you’re in love.

Did We Get Hitched Last Night? The guy who will write ‘One Night Stands For Dummies’ will deserve a Nobel prize.

Did You Think That You Were Dreaming? Meet 17-year-old Brendon, sent to an institution and new school after he snapped. On his bent road to recovery, he meets three boys on the way, Jon Walker, William Beckett, and Ryan Ross, each facing their own problems and issues, and then there’s the odd and intriguing Lauren. Brendon has to learn that accepting and overcoming the past is his only way to be free of the instituation, and the only one that can teach him that is the one and only Ryan Ross. 

Different Ways to Get to Where We Are

Dim the Glare Brendon goes to Ryan’s father’s funeral with him.

Dirty Second Hands Ryan has a serious Mommy Complex and Brendon just wants Ryan to snap the hell out of it.

Discoveries And Obsessions (Part 1 of the D.O series~) Brendon never thought it would turn out to be so addictive. He never thought, when he first squeezed a finger inside carefully, wincing at the pressure that he’d get addicted to feeling.

Do You Know What I’m Seeing? Spencer sees it first, the way RyanandBrendon and SpencerandJon is fast becoming RyanandJon, and Spencer, then Brendon.

Do You Remember Where We Met?

 From the library’s security camera’s perspective. Drabble; Ryan works at the library.

Doctor Knows Best Ryan has severe insomnia and goes with Brendon to Dr. House to find a solution. While helping Ryan, House can’t help but notice something interesting about his patient.

Doing Fine “Don’t bullshit me.” Dallon’s never this forward with people he barely knows, but he feels as if he knows Ryan very well, as if he’s been running Dallon’s life for the past year and a half.

Don’t Forget How Well I Know You

Brendon’s quite the flirt. Ryan’s quite the control freak. 

Don’t Mention Love or, I Constantly Thank God For Nymphomania Brendon has a theory. He’s no psychologist, of course, but he’s thought about it a lot too much, really and his guess is as good as anyone’s. Ryan is a complete nymphomaniac, Brendon thinks, because Ryan does not relate to people on a normal level. Ryan does not relate to life on a normal level. He bottles up all his emotions and pours it all into lyrics and sex. He tries to express an entire spectrum of feeling that way. No wonder he has to do it so often.

Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket Nice…egg, Brendon.” “Actually, Spencer, it’s my child.” He gives Ryan an endearing look. “Our child, to be more correct.”

Don’t Wish For Me Ryan dragged them all to see a fortune-teller, and Brendon got more than he bargained for that night.

Don’t You Float Away After Ryan Ross gets the scare of his life, he knows that some good has to come out of the situation. And it does, in the form of Brendon Urie.

Don’t You Know I Love You (When You’re Down & Dirty) Ryan can’t remember the last time he said the word want out loud.

Don’t You Know That I Belong Arm and Arm With You, Baby Brendon embraces his sexuality and Ryan is not jealous and is certainly not in love with him.

Down on the Farm Mrs. Ross, fed up with her son’s destructive and illegal behavior, decides to send him to live with a friend of the family over the summer before his senior year. The worst part is, he’s staying on a farm.

Dream A Little Dream Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross are best friends, band-mates and, well, straight. Or are they?? (Or the one where Brendon sleepwalks…among other things)

Dreaming in D Major But Brendon plays cello like he’s doing the instrument a favor. Ryan can see the fingers of his left hand sliding effortlessly over the strings, finding the right keys as his right hand automatically slides the bow at exactly the right angle to claim the sound.

Drink Me Brendon works for Gabe in his potions shop and one day accidentally doses himself with a love potion. The problem is, Ryan doesn’t know that it’s a potion. More can be found here

Drive Faster, Boy Ryan, Brendon, backseats, secrets.

Drop Our Anchors 

Brendon doesn’t like storms.

Drown the Silence Brendon likes the quiet moments.

Drowning in Saltwater Ryan is an aspiring writer with a dark secret that has caused him to close himself off from the rest of the world. One day, he finds inspiration at the beach.

Drowning Lessons Brendon’s washed-up and married, and ends up hooking up with Ryan. Angst. Drama. Angst. Did I mention angst?

Drunken Nights With Brendon Urie ”Fuck, Bren. That’s, like, your fourth drink.”

Eight Seconds Rodeo cowboys .

Elsewhere According to Spencer, the Community is the way it is for the good of everyone. “Choices are dangerous,” he tells Brendon. “What if people were to choose the wrong thing?”

Enchanted Ryan’s never really liked parties.

Encounters-Five Stories Of Love And Loss These are five short stories with the same basic idea a post-break up Brendon and Ryan interacting with each other in different situations. Every story is a new one, they’re not continuous, and they are all relatively short

Epic

Etude In Blue Brendon doesn’t want to think about work or bills or how he had woken up this morning supremely awkward, wondering if he had ruined his new friendship by letting his sleep deprived mouth run away from him again.

Euro-Almost-Trip Includes Scottish Spencer, English Ryan, excited exchange student Brendon and one long assed train journey.

Eurora It’s cool, but you’ll need google translate!

Every Inch of Me Brendon goes to boarding school where he meets Ryan Ross, a rich kid who’s hiding secrets.

Every Night You Stay It wasn’t Ryan’s fault that Brendon had, apparently, taken everything he’d said to heard and decided to make Jon Walker his new best friend and secret boyfriend.

Every Speck Of Dust Illuminated Elizabeth Ann Berg is a witch, and Brendon knows it, and no, he isn’t just saying that Ryan is spending so much time with her (thank you very much, Jon Walker). But knowing it and proving it are two very different things. Featuring Charlotte the cat, Ryan the oblivious and Brendon the hopelessly infatuated.

Everybody Wants to Drive on Through the Night if it’s a Drive Back Home But he knows what rushing into love feels like and he knows it hurts like hell when one of the people in it decides it’s over. And he knows nothing lasts forever. Not even love.

Everyone Is Shaking To Your Name Ryan (and Spencer) go on voyeur sites.

Everything Else Is Meaningless Now Brendon Urie is the nerdy, socially awkward, and gay kid at his high school who gets beat up on a regular basis. Ryan Ross is the cool, popular, and straight kid at the same high school. When Ryan saves Brendon one day everything changes…

 Everything I Am Ryan wants more than one person can possibly give him. Brendon tries anyway. 

Everything Not Forbidden Is Compulsory A Robin Hood Fic! Ryan is seven when he meets Brendon Urie.

Evil Thoughts Ryan visits a bridge in the middle of the night, planning to leave the world for good.

Exactly What You Think It Is Brendon sends Ryan a copy of the new album.

Expect the Unexpected Sharing a bed hadn’t been their first choice.

Extenuating Circumstances The main difference between Ryan getting pregnant and Spencer getting pregnant was that Spencer had Jon, and Ryan had Brent.

Fae Attraction Urban fantasy AU. If they hadn’t been fighting, Ryan wouldn’t have walked into the group of fae.

Fair Market Value Things go a bit awry when he sees Ryan, and just can’t resist the purchase.

Fake Plastic Trees Ryan feels a twist in his heart, god, what he would give just to hear Brendon sing. To hear his voice, to hear him laugh, to hear him cry, to hear him gasp. To hear his own name fall from those lips. He shakes his head. He hates thinking about things that he knows will never, ever happen.

Falling In Love With Original Sin  Ryan’s past keeps coming back to haunt him, his insecurities have prevented him from ever loving another; Until he meets Brendon Urie, the sexy, mysterious guy who makes Ryan feel things he can’t fully understand. Now, the ‘wall’ Ryan has built up over the years is slowly coming down..

Falling Is Like This Brendon is madly in love with the boy from the candy shop. The boy from the candy shop. There’s only one. “I bet he’s sweet,” Pete cracks and Brendon rolls his eyes and groans.

Fallout The world is killing itself in a mass nuclear war and Brendon and Ryan head underground.

Family Values Personally, I don’t care,” are the first words to drip from her mouth. Then, “She deserved it. Stupid slut slept with everyone around her, and a gay boy got her pregnant.” Ryan slips his eyes shut and thinks of her skin glistening under the florescent lights of the bathroom. She’s all china-doll and cold. He smiles to himself. She downed alcohol and pills; copy-cat, he thinks, almost venomously. But then again, he stopped feeling pity a long time ago.

Fascinate.

 AND Fascinate. [part 2]

 Boys and blood.

Fight Club Brendon is fighting for something. Ryan is curious as to what.

Fighting Just to Breathe Ryan’s friends buy him the shittiest birthday present ever. A gift certificate for yoga classes. But once Ryan meets his instructor, it turns out to be the best gift he could ever ask for. and Sequel Come Back to the Place We Are

Fighting the Flow Brendon is stubborn and Ryan is confused; the push and pull of power in a dysfunctional relationship, and the difficulties involved.

Fire Island The one with the deserted island and the abundance of Nightwish lyrics.

First Tell Me Which Road You Will Take The one where Ryan and Brendon chose to make it better.

Five Reasons Why Jon Almost Quit the Band (And One Why He Didn’t) Jon’s first weeks in the band were pretty hard on him.

Five Times Ryan Tries To Propose (And the One Time He Does) 

Ryan is maybe kind of a colossal idiot.

Five Times Ryan Ross Let Brendon Urie Walk Away When He Should Have Told Him To Stay

Five Times Zack Almost Caught Ryan and Brendon (And the One Time He Didn’t) He knew the first time he met them there was something going on.

Flicker “Oh, right! Pixie dust. Right, I always forget that part.” Peter Pan!

Flowers

Brendon’s learning that the world is made up of many things, including evil. He also learns that evil is usually attracted to good people. 

Flying Just Like “We have a Wendybird all of our own,” said Jon, “only butterfly-shaped. And, um. We used to call it Ryan.

Folkin’ Around “It’s about you, Ryan.”

Footnote in a Fairy Tale Ryan stood at the bar and sipped his drink, watching the crowd, waiting until he found whatever it was he’d been needing for the last few days. Ever since they’d arrived in London there’d been a feeling in the pit of his stomach, that something had to happen. He needed change, he needed excitement.

Footsteps In The Snow In Brendon’s world, all men are missing their halves and are doomed never to find them. But, one day, Brendon hears a voice in his head, and it’s not his own.

For a Minute There (I Lost Myself) “Brendon,” Ryan says, and his voice is low and quiet and curls up Brendon’s spine like a drunken serpent. Ryan’s fingers are long and thin. He taps a beat on the desk as he speaks. “Yes?” Brendon asks. “I think you’re magical,” Ryan says, “and I wanted to know how would you feel about doing hair for a rock band?”

For A Minute There He remembers when it was nothing more than playing, writing, making music with the boy who handed him the words and then took his breath.

For All the Right Reasons A look at a year in a relationship.

For Anyone, Ever Burned So Bright Ryan likes Brendon, and he likes secrets, and he doesn’t want the two to be mutually exclusive.

For His Sons (And Their Three Separate Hearts) Ryan thinks that hearts aren’t those big bouncy things that girls draw on love letters. No, they’re more lumpy, more thin and dripping. 

For Keeps He sees Ryan, and Brendon knows that Ryan would be like one of those t-shirts that’s been washed way too many times, so worn through it’s almost translucent, with a few real holes showing through to skin, but soft. Soft and just the perfect fit, clinging to your skin in all the right places.

For Love Of The Sun Fallen Angel Fic! Brendon was an angel until he was exiled from the heavens. His wings were cut back and he fell down to Earth, losing all his memories in the process. When Ryan finds him on the streets, unconscious and helpless, it’s not like he can just leave him there.

 For Other Meanings Of Tsunami See, the more Brendon thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Brendon is kind of genius; he just didn’t know it. Sex with Ryan. He guesses it could work. 

For Whatever You Lose You can’t always get what you want… unless you fish it out of the ocean.

Forgetting You In A Cabaret Ryan Ross is the son of a wealthy strip joint and casino owner, but his father employs him to do a lot more than serve drinks.

Fortifications and Many Other Things He’s not mad at Ian, not really. It’s just that the way the curly haired boy was playing the guitar reminded him of someone.

 Four Four defining moments. Four heartbreaks. But only one man caused them all.

 Four Men And A Little Cabin Unrelated, nonlinear scenes from a recording cabin.

Freakend

"Assuming a little much, are we, Urie?"

 Freaks An accident lands Ryan in the hospital, and he meets Jon, who tells him of a mysterious patient on their floor. There’s something not quite right about him, but then again, there’s something not quite right about Ryan as well.

French Kiss Ryan Ross comes to live with the Urie family.

From A Pretty Mouth Ryan likes Brendon in lip gloss.

Fuck Him Gently They lose their virginities together.

Full Circle Two boys, a boat, and the North Sea at night.

Futile Wars

 Brendon and Ryan were together for nearly three years, but the relationship ended in tragedy. After over a year of silence they find themselves facing the past, only to realize it’s not the past quite yet.

Gay Chicken Pete wants to play a game which Ryan and Brendon are forced to take part in and they will do anything to win.

Get Back To The Place Where You Once Belonged Ryan always intended to be a novelist. Instead, he’s working as a copy editor for the Seattle Times. It’s not the only thing in his life that somehow got messed up. Also, Brendon writes a musical!

Get Off My Lawn! Ryan Ross promises never to be a cranky old man when he grows old. Well, he lied.

 Get Ur Freak On

 Whoops. 

Gingerbread House Brendon and Ryan are moving into their perfect house or what they think is their perfect house, until it starts everything starts going wrong with it.

 Give Me A Sign

Sign language. Ryan Ross doing sign language. With those hands. In front of Brendon.

Give Me Empathy Everyone has adorably useless superpowers.

Give Me More Standard Smoothie Hut Brendon and confusing as fuck Ryan in the lead up to Panic! at the Disco finally getting signed by surprisingly un-creepy Pete Wentz.

Give Up (Get Down)

Given Limits Exist Ryan and Brendon work together and they are perfect together.

 Glory Fades

 Something sacred, something so beautiful.

 Gonna Be A Mighty King

 It’s just a Wednesday, but Brendon can still be surprise king for a day.

 Good Boy “Two can play at any game. Even Brendon’s disturbing sexual fantasies.

Got to Know for Sure There is a fifty-percent chance that, on certain days of the week, when the lunar cycle is in precisely the right position and Gabe Saporta’s pants are exactly the right shade of neon, Brendon may or may not have a teeny, tiny crush on Ryan fucking Ross.

Grace Brendon is an actor to which Ryan writes the script of his life for.

Grace Note Ryan is a journalist struggling to hold himself together and make a name for himself as a writer. Brendon is the lead singer of the popular band, “Industry of Being” until Brendon leaves the band with little explanation and Ryan is given his big break when he is the one asked to cover the story.

Gravity Fail

 Ryan Ross has numerous epic Brendon related fails.

Growing Up And Grey Areas Ryan’s not expecting a new neighbor. He’s certainly not expecting that new neighbor to start attending his private boarding school, and he definitely isn’t prepared for the events that follow.

Guernica Ryan is a stuck-up artist who lives by his routines and never steps out of his familiar patterns. Then as he gets to know Brendon who doesn’t give a shit about rules or routines, or well, anything, it’s a collision of two worlds. Surprisingly, an odd friendship springs up from their acquaintance, but then the shadows of the past begin to unveil and soon they find themselves in a huge mess, one that neither of them is going to walk out of unharmed…

Guide Me Home “It was the first time I slept outside.”

 Guilty Pleasure For every action, there are consequences. and Sequel: Gainsay

Hail the Seasons as They Go Ryan’s going off to college. He has less than a week left, a few days of spending time with his friends, with Brendon, and he doesn’t want to complicate anything.

Hand On Your Arm Brendon is blind, interviewers are morons and Pete is Pete.

Hangover From Hell The one where they get drunk and married. NOT A ONESHOT

Have A Little Faith In Me Ryan’s in witness protection. He’s alone, and he wants to keep it that way. Brendon, the new boy, fits in easily but can’t help being intrigued by the quiet boy at the back.

Have Found Out What You Are Like

 Brendon splays his pale fingers over the smooth piano keys and just plays. By ear, by touch. There are sheets of music in front of him, but they’re for a different song. He can’t see them anyway, playing with his eyes closed, face blank.

 He Acts Like We Never Have Met (I Don’t Believe You) An alternative universe fic of The Heart Rate of a Mouse in which Ryan goes back in time. 

This is what we faggots do. Sit in the cars of strangers after sunset, watching them pay for a motel room at the reception.

  He Knows He knows. I haven’t told him, but he knows. Brendon always knows with me.

He Was Just Hanging Around Ryan throws Brendon’s phone out the window and has to make up for it somehow.

He Watches The Ships That Come Sailing Pirate Fic! featuring Ryan the Reckless and Brendon who is a little bit lost. It’s cute!

Heart and Tender Heartdealing… Brendon recognizes the term, but in the same vague way that he recognizes the Mafia while really only knowing that it’s something he doesn’t want to mess with and involves people in suits. The term obviously doesn’t mean actual, physical hearts, since the jar looks to be just a wisp of cloudy shine. It’s more like the ability to love and hate and feel strongly about anything, all bottled in one jar and stolen out of someone. It’s shady shit.

Heedless in Rain Brendon, desperate for a place to live and low on cash, moves into an old apartment above an old bookstore. An old, haunted apartment.

 Here Be Dragons “…and it’s exciting to be the first one to do this to him.” Time travel fic.

Here Comes the Sun Ryan likes to sing to his baby girl.

Hi, Brendon Urie Ryan met Brendon on a Monday, kissed him on a Tuesday, broke his heart on a Saturday and fixed it all on a Friday.

Hidden In Plain View Ryan wonders if it’s obvious or if it looks perfectly platonic, a group of friends hanging out, no one suspecting that two of them are something more

Hide the Razors “You shaved your eyebrows off.”

Hiding In Estrogen Brendon comes back to their hotel room and finds a beautiful, tall, lanky woman in high heels and a dress. But then he gets a closer look, and it’s not a woman.

Hints Brendon can read minds.

History-Proven Saftery Songs At some point, they’re going to have to stop buying things.

Hobo Ross Ryan takes Hobo to the vet.

Hold The Pose Brendon takes on a job as a cleaner for published writer, Ryan Ross, in order to fund his college studies. Spencer opens up an Indian style cafe and Jon, as always, is paid to make coffee.

Home Is Where The Heart Is  Every year, an elf is sent down to every city to help raise Christmas spirit. This year, Brendon Urie was assigned to Las Vegas, Nevada. More importantly: Ryan Ross.

Honey, I’m Home! Ryan is dating a pussycat doll. As far as Brendon is concerned, that will never, not be funny. (Don’t-cha wish your girlfriend had a dick like B?)

Hot and Spicy Yum Ryan gets turned on by the smell of pizza. When Ryan orders pizza, it’s the new delivery boy, Brendon, who delivers it. Oh. This is kind of like a bad porno.

Hot For A Teacher

Hot Hot Heat So maybe it was weird that they were sitting on Ryan’s double bed in nothing but their boxer briefs and eating cherry popsicles, but they didn’t care. All they knew is it was fucking hot, like the hottest day of summer, and there was no air conditioner or osculating fans and the town was in the middle of a black out. Sequel is The Sinful Burn

House of Wolves Patrick scrubs at his eyes with his icy mittens, because there is no way a freaking wolf is standing in front of him— and sniffing his crotch, Patrick realizes wildly. 

How A Resurrection Really Feels After narrowly escaping certain death, fierce, tough and masculine gang members Ryan and Spencer head out to the wilderness to avoid mortal danger (it isn’t Ryan’s fault!), accompanied by a heartless assassin who might turn on them at any second. Then there is the virgin Brendon, who really likes God and girl’s dresses. This fic is hilarious and sweet and sad and angry and well written.

How Did I Fall In Love With You? Bad things happen when Ryan reads fanfiction.

How Far Down Ryan likes his job, and it only gets more interesting when a new customer starts coming in regularly.

How Misery Loved Me Brendon had never seen Ryan cry.

How Naptime Can Go Horribly Right Ryan tries to take a nap until Brendon climbs into bed with him. Naked.

How To Kill A Straight Guy There was no possible way. No completely fathomable way that the human being standing in front of him was a guy.

How To Let The Sky Go Ryan teaches dance, sometimes, to those who aren’t completely incompetent or slow. It’s for these reasons and maybe a few more that he really doesn’t want to teach Brendon Urie how to dance.

Hum Along To The TV Everyone’s got something that they’re trying to quit. Whatever it is, there’s a group for it. Ryan and Brendon are no exception.

I Am Not Afraid To Walk This World Alone Brendon knows noses, Ryan knows how to be stubborn, and Spencer and Jon should know better than to say anything.

I Am the Derivative and You Are the Curves Ryan’s close to flunking and he needs a math tutor. That’s where Brendon comes in.

I Can Be Your Safe Haven (I Got Places You Can Lay Your Head) “Ryan, what’s going on? How did you get those bruises?”

I Can See How Jesus Wept Boarding school. Brendon takes it upon himself to corrupt Ryan’s virgin soul.

I Could Belong To The Night When Ryan’s best friend Spencer dies, he thinks he’s all alone.

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin

 Ryan finds a dog on his front porch. 

 I Don’t Have A Library Card…But I’d Love To Check You Out. Brendon is close to flunking out of college, and his roommate and partner in crime, Jon, is not helping. He seeks refuge in the school’s library and finds a little more than a place to study. This is a story about finding love, taking chances, and being true to one’s self.

I Fell In Love With a Dead Boy The strangest thing happened on Halloween night.

I Know Something the Piano Doesn’t Know Brendon is uninspired. Sex ensues.

I Know You’ve Got a Wild Streak At sixteen and having been in public school for five months now, it’s hardly Brendon’s first party. But it’s the first where someone’s caught his eye, where he hasn’t just showed up with Ryan and stuck by the older boy’s side until Ryan sat him down on a couch and told him to be careful before disappearing with some mostly drunk girl into someone’s bedroom.

I Love You More Than I Hate Bottles The Young Veins!!! Brendon is a huge fan. Like, a huge fan. And he’s so in love with Ryan Ross. You have no idea.

I Love You Or Something Like That Ryan has to prove himself the Casanova everyone says he is.

I Love You To Death And Beyond Crack! Ryan turns into a zombie, but Brendon loves him too much to let him go! Ryan just wants to eat Brendon’s brain.

 I Never Told You What I Do For A Living Brendon and Ryan. Both psychotic murderers.

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Brightly Colored Sex Toy It’s a butt plug, not a chastity belt.

 I Spiked Your Cup With Angst And A Heart Attack It’s been three days and my mail has collectively gathered into one massive pile of responsibilities and reminders that life moves on without me.

I Swear I’m Not Folkin’ Around How Brendon wrote Folkin’ Around.

 I Thought I Saw You Sometimes the world just isn’t a bright place. Sometimes there’s a reason, sometimes there isn’t. A story about trying to figure out how to live in the world and deal with the life and feelings you’ve been given. 

I Thought The thing that Ryan and Brendon start up isn’t supposed to be anything other than a way to relax and unwind, but Brendon isn’t sure that’s what either of them really want.

I Wanna Be the One Brendon wants a baby. Badly. So badly that he would risk friendships to get one.

I Want My Hat Back Patrick wants his hat back. But who has it?

I Want To Hear The Same Song Twice Brendon is a DJ at a gay club, Spencer tends the bar, Jon has the best job title ever and Ryan is… complicated.

I Want To Wake Up Where You Are Panic broke up and Brendon went out on his own, he and Ryan haven’t seen each other for twelve years and Ryan has conflicting feelings when it comes to Brendon.

I Will Never End Up Like Him, Behind My Back I Already Am ”Then why are you still here?”

”Cause I-I’m not really here.”

”Then where are you?” “I am i-infront of you, but I’m not a-alive, Brendon.”

I Will Never Let You Fall When Brendon’s parents decided to adopt a child, they probably thought it would be a lot easier. Aka HoneyChocolate

I Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead Brendon finds out how “normal” Panic really is.

I’m All You Want And More

I’m Not The One and Sequel: The Objection of My Affection It’s been two years. Ryan’s in college and he is reunited with Mr. Urie.

I’d Rather Be Rolling Cigars Brendon can suck cock.

I’ll Be At The Cabin For Our Christmas The boys have decided to celebrate their holiday together before heading home for Christmas. They decided to do it in the place it feels the most acceptable, the cabin.

I’ll Be Every Breath Your Trembling Lips Taste Something happens to Brendon and Ryan just wants him to feel better.

 I’ll Do Anything For You (No, Really)

 Ryan gets sick and Brendon worries.

I’ll Have My Cake (And Eat It Too)

 How exactly he ended up being able to hear his friends’ sexual thoughts is still a mystery to him.

 I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

"Have you ever done anything with someone else, Brendon?" 

I’m Gone With the Moon, New With the Sun The first time Brendon realizes something is wrong is when he’s 6 years old.

I’m Not the One Mr. Urie is the new English teacher in Ryan’s high school.

If I Go To Hell, It’s Because I’m An Avid Slasher My obsession had started around the time I was a freshman in high school. (It’s really funny just read it.)

 If I Never Knew You When Ryan is sent to live with his aunt after his mom gets fed up with his behavior, he is pissed. He never expected to meet a boy who was so different that he could change Ryan’s life forever.

If I Were Stalking You Then I’d Know Your Favorite Cookie Flavor (Oatmeal Raisin, By the Way) Spencer’s a video game addict, Jon’s kind of an ass, Brendon’s in Fall Out Boy and Ryan, uh, well he has a stalker.

If I Were Stalking You Then I’d Know Your Favourite Cookie Flavour (Oatmeal Raisin, By The Way) Spencer’s a video game addict, Jon’s kind of an ass, Brendon’s in Fall Out Boy and Ryan, uh, well he has a stalker.

If the Moon’s a Balloon In which Brendon is an unconventional Christmas tree fairy and Jon is altogether too interfering.

If the Stars Could Sing “I only want love from people who know what love is.”

If This Isn’t The Kingdom Then I Don’t Know What Is It’s been almost a year and a half since the last time that Ryan just showed up like this, and you’d think that Brendon would be surprised, but he’s not.

If You See Me On A Corner Ryan picks up a hustler.

If Your Heart Speaks to Me Mute!Brendon

In Case the Scene Gets Nasty Ryan and Brendon have been at each other’s throats for as long as they can remember. But things start to change. How else are they supposed to spend the long hours of detention together? Sequel: In Case the Scene Stays Nasty.

 In My Linen (You Are Skin Again)

 All he wants to do is kiss every square inch of Brendon’s body, wants his lips to be as feather light and almost nonexistent as when Brendon is writhing beneath the sheets for that ghosting

 In Nobody’s Eyes But Mine Ryan had thought he was immune to the spontaneous little moans and screams Brendon is capable of making from their shows, but it’s just different when they’re all naked. 

In Our Family Portrait… Blarie’s story of growing up with Ryan and Brendon as her fathers, and their family album.

In the Event I Lose Myself Brendon and Ryan are obvious soul mates.

In The Sound Brendon quits Panic! At the Disco and becomes a hairdresser, watching from afar as his former friends and band-mates rise to fame. One day, after years of silence, Ryan Ross wanders into his salon and asks for a haircut.

In These Lines

In Your Eyes Beauty Be Found High school with a bit of a weird twist? Brendon has a secret that could, potentially, ruin his life. Naturally, Ryan Ross finds out.

Infinite Sometimes With the help of his friends, Ryan has just learned how to like life. Brendon hasn’t yet found such luck. This is a story about strong relationships, trust, not wanting to be alone, and holding hands. There’s a river, and just like its never-ending path to the ocean, some things just go on forever. Sometimes you need someone more than you need yourself, and sometimes, that’s okay.

Innocence (In a Sense) This is his job, and maybe it’s not the most professional thing to do, but sometimes things have to happen in order to make things right. And if putting criminals behind bars means Brendon has to get a little dirty, then so be it.

Insanity Madeline Michelle Urie could hear the screams of the half dead in the victims in the experiment-morgue room across the hall.

Insomnia Is The Excuse For The Lack Of Something You’ve Never Known Sometimes Ryan wondered why Brendon was so childish.

Intoxicated Circulation Brendon has a couple too many and gets a little bit persistent as to discovering Ryan’s sexual orientation.

Invisible Fences

Iron, Neon Lights & Weed Brendon wants to get a record deal at all costs. He joins the Las Vegas underground music scene, but ends up distracted when he falls for Ryan, a scene king with little interest in attachments. 

Irrevocably Combined Where-in Ryan really just needs some time to figure a few things out.

Isn’t This Exactly Where You Want Me? (In an Airplane Bathroom) Ryan and Brendon get on a plane. Ryan and Brendon meet. Ryan and Brendon hold hand holds. Ryan and Brendon sneak off.

 It Isn’t Stupid When It’s You

 Brendon notices the cameras first, turning away, and Ryan can’t help but mouth ‘I love you’ as he does. He’s sure no one notices.

It Sure As Hell Ain’t Normal, But We Deal Brendon is in a relationship with his ex-teacher.

It Was A Plane Ride Mile high club. Ryan, quite possibly, hated everything imaginable about his job. Co-workers were a bitch, mainly the girls, and pilots were usually an arrogant asshole or nervous wreck. The costumers? Beyond words.

It Was Always You Post-Divorce Cabin Fic. Basically Spencer, Ryan, Jon, and Brendon get back together in the cabin for a week.

It’s Just A Stupid Ring or How Brendon Baggins Saved Middle Ramen

It’s Only A Crime If I Get Caught Ryan is sent to the Urie household for behavior adjustment and scares the living crap out of Brendon. That is, until Brendon realizes Ryan’s not as bad as he first thought.

It’s A Week Before Christmas And I Meet You It’s a week before Christmas and Ryan meets Brendon for the first time.

It’s All Okay When I Say “You and I” This is adorable, seriously. High school with a Christmas Plot. Brendon wants to get Ryan’s attention by being his Secret Santa. The problem is, Ryan is the coolest guy in school, with more people pursuing him than Brendon cares to think about.

It’s Always Cloudy (Except For When You Look Into The Past) Timetravel! Where in a future version of Ryan comes back to tell his younger self that things will get better. Cute!

It’s Good To Be Feeling Ryan knows what he wants.

It’s Hard To Face The Holidays Without For Christmas, Ryan doesn’t get a dog. Spencer gets his train set. Brendon doesn’t get his deck of cards. He also doesn’t get a friend. Christmas 1992-2006.

It’s Just Curiosity So the thing is, Brendon needs Ryan’s dick.

It’s Just Like Flying “Why don’t you own any cool movies?” Brendon inquires, muffled from where his head is inside the TV cabinet.

It’s Just Like Flying Brendon and Ryan are bored.

It’s Not Repression, It’s Denial Ryan and Brendon are not in love. No, seriously, they’re not. Jon is just delusional.

 It’s The Mess That Feels So Right …And he’s suddenly confident and knows exactly what to do.

It’s Written on the Wind Beatles/PATD crossover. It’s the Spring of 1967, and the last thing Abbey Road intern Ryan Ross expects, or even wants, is to become instantly attracted to a guy let alone a session musician named Brendon with a bad habit of not knowing when to give up. It would be a very, very bad idea, and Ryan’s determined to avoid it (and him) at all costs. A tale of scarves, Carnaby Street, music, and falling into something rivaling a Burt Bacharach Standard.

Jingle All the Way Brendon is annoying Ryan so Ryan makes him pay in the Christmas way.

 July 6th, The Day For The Forgotten. "Exactly two years ago, to this day, you told me you wanted to leave. You said you wanted to leave the band. You said you wanted to leave me." Brendon winces at the thought. "That was the worst day of my life," He says quietly.

Just A Matter Of Time Until We’re All Found Out There was this smoothie shop on the way home; Ryan liked to stop there often but there was this really obnoxious kid always working there now.

Just A Teenage Douchebag, Baby Ryan is determined to have a good day.

Just One of the Girls “Spence, I’m. Look, I’m going to prove this girl-thing to you, okay? I’m going to,” he held up his hands, “this is so brilliant, I’m going to become a girl.”

 Just This Once, Be My Savior In which Ryan has a daughter, Brendon has a nephew and somehow, they manage to fall in love.

Part Two

#ryden #ryden fanfiction

[ronearoundblindly]

Ever thought of a deep sea mermaid reader coming to the surface the first time only to be caught by sheild and in a holding area . While all that is going on bucky and steve went to the area where evidence is at to check for info based in their mission steve saw reader who is there mad caught momentarily head tilt when she sees the two and bangs her glass lettinf her out bucky found his buddy and saw reader whos now scared instead of dangerous . Steve stayed while bucky tells tony about this and they get to know eachother . Reader can communicate only bit frm low Contact(the deep sea mermaid here came from the mariana trench . Darker green skin with bright eyes and parts of her tail glow and parts of it have the same ability as an electric eel yet more stronger . This mermaid is from the deep cold ocean 😯)

Hope it is not confusing

Pretty much no more lead in needed...warnings for...idek, long-windedness? more uselessly thought-out details? Still no real editing in sight. Lots of fun with this one though because it's basically Steve Rogers needs a hug.

The Raft holds the worst of the worst: villains, inhuman, and aliens too dangerous to ever leave. Rehabilitation is not the goal. Containment is.

It's usually during the first few days or weeks after a prisoner arrives that most useful intel can be extracted, and Steve understands that process is necessary. Extraction, however, isn't supposed to mean certain types of torture.

The deep, hollow thudding turns him away from Bucky as they make their way down the hall. Steve stops cold to listen. The noise could just be distorted boots on the metal walkways and stairs. Echoes do strange things in this floating isolation tank.

The sound doesn't stop. Instead, it's coupled with an enormous, gargling scream. Last time he checked, they don't extract information by almost drowning prisoners.

Damn it. He warned Tony to keep an eye on Ross and his henchmen. He knew they'd try to skirt the rules.

The bubbling stops as Steve stomps down a dark corridor, searching, until he can hear from the echoes and airflow that he's reached an end room. Automatically, his hand swipes the wall for the light switch.

It's a tank, ten by ten, built against the far wall so that three sides are visible through thick plexiglass, and you're...covering your face, curled by a fake edge of rock and flicking your fins in order to push you farther from the light.

Steve immediately hits the switch again. "Sorry."

He has no idea who he's apologizing to or what he's apologizing for because he's in the Raft. The things in here are imprisoned after all. People above his paygrade have deemed it necessary for you to be housed here, and that should tell him all he needs to know.

Still, he says it again. "I'm sorry." They're words that rumble in the dark, and he realizes that you can't understand him, possibly can't even hear him through the gas, solid, and liquid between you two He hopes his presence, maybe even his body language, tells you he is not here to harm you, no matter what you've done to earn a spot here.

He can faintly hear Bucky greet the guard for the inmate they came for, and he knows his friend can handle whatever the very-much-human prisoner dishes out. Good. Steve can't look away right now, not as his superior eyes adjust to the black that is not black anymore.

The thick, braided muscles within your tail shimmy you back toward the center of the tank, and as each small scale lifts in the current, pale light shines beneath, a hint of a hint of green glow that spreads over the dark skin of your body, covered in patches by a sea moss striping your torso.

The glow is so faint that all else looks black. Like a forest lit by the moon, you survive in shadow. He can see your winding, swift movements, the rippling pull of long hair dancing through water, and Steve realizes you are studying him, too. Well, he's doing his best to study you, but it's simply too dark. He wants to see more.

"Cover your eyes--" he gestures with his elbow raised over his face "--I'm gonna--"

He stops himself. You can't understand him.

Steve lumbers to the far wall, ticks on the flashlight of his phone, and props it to face the wall. The light is still so dim, especially what little hits the tank, that the average human would still grope around for the door.

Lavender. With irises that take up your whole eye and pin-prick pupils despite the near-black, he can see the colors of you. Your eyes are lavender, and there's deep violet tones wafting in the graceful, floating mane surrounding you.

"Hello," Steve mouths softly, lifting a hand to the glass.

Your head tilts curiously, inspecting the lines on his palm. His flesh looks so different from yours. He's pale and rosy. Fragile. You can see heat radiating off of him like rocks warmed by the sun. Fascinating.

Your hand raises parallel, fingers with thin green webbing splayed open in a questioning greeting.

"Never seen her do that before," Tony Stark's voice rings out over an intercom above Steve. "Now can you get her to take a freaking nap?"

You can hear the voice based on your frantic gaze darting around the top of your tank. Panic rips across your face. Your mouth opens to resonate with the same gargled shriek that drew him to you.

"I'm only trying to help," Tony's mechanical voice continues.

The solid top of your tank slides back to reveal a fake beach sort of landing upon which stands Iron Man. It's still dark except for Steve's phone in the corner and the exceedingly bright arc reactor on Tony's chest.

You're cowering again, even while Tony jokes lightly, "but you can't eat another guard. Them's the rules, honey."

Steve cocks an eyebrow at that. Did you really eat a human?

Iron Man turns to Steve. "Well, if she likes you, you may as well come on up."

Steve finds out that you've been at the Raft for nearly two weeks, growing more and more irritable (which Tony accepts makes sense) but refusing to sleep (which Tony argues at you loudly doesn't help your irritability). They found you in the Mariana Trench while the newest Stark vehicle was tested for pressure security before a space launch. He has no idea if you're one of a kind or an entire, undiscovered species.

Tony keeps throwing sassy insults your way, watching you peek your squinting eyes over the water's surface.

"Water's the right temp. 'Bout cold as we can make it without actually freezing her." Tony opens the helmet when it's clear you're not aggressively swiping for his legs, as he explained you regularly try. "Don't let her fool you. She can breathe the air. She's fine. She's just cranky," he squats to yell at you.

You wince at the sound and swim 'away,' which is at most six feet farther than you were.

"Cap, have you ever tried to explain the H.A.L.T. method to a mermaid? It's so simple. She's either hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. My money's on tired, and since that's a lot of money, I know what I'm talking about."

Steve's had an idea, and he instantly reacts, kicking off his shoes and heading straight for your tiny shore.

Despite the still bright glow of the arc reactor, your eyes are now wide and skeptical.

He's wading into your pool. The scary big thing with a split tail and bound fins makes his way right for you, smiling like he did with his hand up.

"Uh, hold up now, Rogers," but Tony's too late. "Wasn't joking about the guard."

Steve hisses as the cold water envelops him.

You bare your teeth at Steve in an awful green grimace, but he keeps coming. You hiss back, bubbles bursting at the corners of your mouth, but he keeps coming.

And then he grabs for you. And then he pinches you against him. And then he...and then it's...

Your head plonks back down to the water's surface, slippery form sagging against his arms and legs spaced around your back evenly.

Steve presses his chin to your crown, not worried about drowning you because, well, he can't.

"Pressure, Tony. You said it yourself."

"Yeah, but--"

"Astronauts have to train to sleep in zero-G, right?"

Tony grumbles noisily for a while, pacing around the shore's edge. "...can breathe air then she can handle normal air pressure...thirty thousand feet down and anything in between...probably some mating ritual on land if there's more of..."

After his mumbling goes quiet, Steve swivels your floating bodies in Tony's direction. "How about you go fix it before I freeze a second time, pal. What the hell is she even doing here?"

Tony shrugs. "Proximity and rooms designed for all types of...beings. Also Chuck." The heavy boots of the suit echo off the wet metal and stone. "I'll tell Barnes you'll be a while, huh?"

He'll stay as long as it takes, as long as he can stand it. Tony's called Steve a wet blanket more times than either can count; they just didn't know he was a weighted wet blanket that would come in handy one day.

Steve absently wonders whether he can float you both to a ledge so he doesn't sink while you sleep...and whether Chuck was his size and left a spare uniform onsite...

I couldn't think of a title anyway, but I love the little ideas about what alien/semi-alien life would behave like and need in an average human environment. So much fun to think about. Onwards to more fantasy!

If you enjoyed this work, please consider reblogging, and thank you so much for reading. 💚💚💚

Teeny humor follow-up here.

#steve rogers fic #fanfic #steve rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve x you #fluff and feels #captain america fluff #captain america #captain america x reader #mermaid!reader #Fantasy Friday asks #ro answers

[that-one-weird-simp]

KNY Monster AU

Yeah, i made another AU... Lol also some of these designs will not be based on their canon.

The monsters are the demons.. Hashira are the researchers... More on them later..

Muzan: he is basically his finale form, just the teethy mouths on his body replace his mouth on his face, his ears are pointed and his legs are animal like, yes he does have his Tentacles.

He has a tail that looks like a spinal cord with a blade at the tip of it. He has spikes at the base of it, his hands and feet are more animal like.

His calls are growls and screeches like a banshee.. His diet is raw animal meat and fish. But only certain species of Invasive fish or else he won't eat it.. He pick, the fish also have to be fresh water.

He must be fed 400 pounds of meat twice a day, or he'll get bitchy and screeches till someone feeds him.. He needs 800 pounds daily cause he burns alot of calories from how active he is.

His containment contains a shallow to a 20 foot deep pool, long grass and spider lilies to keep him calm (also his favorite flower) ropes of cable and chains for him to climb on.

He is is like a ferret.. Crackhead then a power nap.. Then more crackhead shit..

Behavior: oddly very playful, friendly and doesn't mind if any of the researchers, he would just be curious and check them out before doing his own thing.

Kokushibo: Basically his monster self just the weird ass appendages all over him are split into two rows on his back, His mouth is normal but he can unhinged his jaw like a snake and his hair is still in its nice pony tail, he does have two horns, but the right one is bigger then the other.

His is shirtless and he has thick furr from the waist down, his legs are also animal like and he has big cloven hooves. he has a thick based tail with a wipped thin end with some furr tuff at the end of it and its about 2 ft long while is tail is 6 feet long. He keeps his normal hight.

The noises he makes.. He is like a cheetah.. He meows and purrs, he can also chirp too..he did have a twin yoriichi but he unfortunately gotten deathly sick and passed. Other then that he is like an orange tabby cat..playful and loves it when you pet him.

His containment contains really long grass, a fresh water pool with some dummies so he can practice his hunting skills. He is a speed demon so everyday they would release him into a speed way type of room for him to run around and go wild in.

He also needs 800 pounds of beef daily. 400 pounds twice a day

Douma: he has a more disturbing appearance. His ScleraI is black, while his irisis are still rainbow with a slit pupil that is also black. His spine is visible and basically is sticking outof his bosy and is made of ice, same with his boney tail with a stinger at the end of it, his mouth is not normal.

Thats what his face looks like..

He needs to eat as much as kokushibo, he burns allot of calories crawling around in the vents that are present in his containment. He has to be kept in cold temperatures, he is pretty isolated so he gets bored and lonely easily, the researchers are making him a new location so he isnt so lonely. His diet constists of fish and pork, so 800 pounds of pork in the morning, 800 pounds of fish at night. He needs the calories for climbing and crawling at a fast pace.

He is very friendly around females, males don't faze him much, he tries to charm them and cuddle em.. The researchers are currently trying to find someone who is willing to spend the time with him.

He still wears his canon cloths but the back is ripped open for his patruding spine. his legs are animal like but are built for climbing and crawling, his claws are built like that too.

His calls are a number of shrieks and screams.. Basically a distressed demonic cat that is high on crack..

Akaza: he has the skull of a mountain lion, he does have long fluffy dear ears, the rims of the ears are blue. His blue stripes are made of fur, he still does have his hair but it trails down his spine and along his tail. His tail is thin but long. Like a crocs tail. He is a Quadruped and his he has paws.

His calls are like a lions mixed with a snow leopard. His containment contains things he can climb on, punching bags for his hunting skills. a pool so he can swim in. And a grass patch so he can role in it. He is neutral around others, doesn't mind anyone much.. Unless its kyojuro who is responsible for preparing the food..

Bro is all over him liie a touch starved puppy. He is disappointed when he has to leave to feed the others. He is not picky about his food he will eat any kind of meat. At least 200 pounds a day.. 100 pounds in the morn and 100 at night.

Hantengu and his kids (clones):

All of them are quad and bipedal. Each of them have animal skulls as their faces. Urogi should be obvious..

Urogi: hawk skull, his wings are fused with his arms and he does not have the pearl belt around his waist and he has the hawk tail feathers

Karaku: fox skull, ears are long and torn, his fox tail has the leaf shape at the tip (like his fan,also they are all naked but have fur down there waist and arms and have the feet of the animal they represent)

Aizetsu: cougar skull, the tip of his tail is the tip of his spear thats in canon.

Sekido: bear skull.. Nothing much to say about him..

Zohakuten: he is ligit just a nightmare fuel wooden dragon that slithers around.. Like the traditional japanese dragon

Hantengu: he is just a wooden goblin creature that just cowers in the corner and is close to dying of old age.

They eat together and need the same amount of food... 4 tons of beef daily. there exhibit is currently in repair cause urogi decided to be a shit and reck the AC because it gets hot. So they are in a empty temporary.. Room...

Gyokko: nothing much changed about his second form he just has more monstrous features and has a croc like face and his colors are different, he is more piebald with a gradient of blues and purples. His also has betta fish fins at the end of his tail.

Gyutaro and daki: gyutaro was almost a successful experiment, he is a mix of a utah raptor, but he doesn't have the feathers just some spikes that replace them.. Instead of a pony tail on the top of his head its actually a low pony tail. He has his original torso, but his arms and legs are ones of a utah raptor.

Daki, or ume. Was almost successful.. Her genetics were mixed with what were supposed to be Kaigaku and Nakime.. She was given clothing but she is almost fully human, she can eat human food, but her behavior and biology is different..

We don't have an enclosure for them yet since we are still doing testing.

Enmu: He is an interesting one.. He has a lion like nose, half his face is metal, both sclera are black, but he kept his blue irises. His pupils are shaped as X's. There is fluff along his right arm and metal on his left. He has long fennec fox ears that are really fluffy, he has Quadruped legs, one leg is fluffy while the other is metal.. We took some pictures for reference.

The little hairs that grow from the back of his head.. They were replaced with his ears.. His tale is a long, thick table cord attached to a grappling hook like device.

His enclosure is full of metal scraps and things for him to climb on.. He eats the metal scraps and we refill it once a month.. He screams as comunaction.. Like a baby snow leopard and a fox.. he has screaming matches with rui since the enclosures are next to each other..

Rui: he is the only one that is 95% successful.. His structure and everything, no mutations or any monstrous features.. But his biology still needs work and his vocals.. He sounds like a fox mixed with a cat.. He does haves screaming matches with enmu.. We do put them together, they seem to get along well..

*NOTE: all of the creatures shown are in the juvenile stage. This is not their final form and may mutate further*

This was one of the reported documents we found in the ruin building.. It seemed to contain immataions of beloved characters from the series kimetsu no yaiba.. Or known as demon slayer.. We have received information that the substances and technology used to make these creatures, also made the half the staff.. Their names were

Iguro obanai Shinobu kocho Kanea kocho Kanoa Tsyuri Mitsuri konroji Kyojuri rengoku Gyomei Himejima Muichiro tokito Yuichiro tokito Senami shinzugawa Genya shinazugawa Giyuu tomioka Tengen uzui Tanjiro kamado Nezuko kamado Zenitsu agatsuma Inosuke Hashibira

There has been video footage of the staff getting infected by the same substance used to create the demons. Since there is no trace of them we can assume they are all on the loose.. No doubt that the staff are also mutated creatures as well..

#kny au #kimetsu no yaiba au #Au #Kny monster au #This killed me #Enmu #Giyu #Sanemi #Muichiro #Yuichiro #Zenitsu #Inosuke #Tanjiro #Nezuko #Kanoa #Kanea #Shinobu #Obanai #Tengen #Rengoku #Kokudhibo #Akaza #Douma #Rui #twelve kizuki #upper moons #Lower moons #Horror #Monster au

[sagittastory]

#2 Why is CBT the most common therapy?

I may or may not be introducing a slightly controversial idea. Cognitive behavioral therapy is not the most effective therapy, but is instead used as a way of quickly managing those in need of psychiatric help. It is based on the assumption that a patient is neurotypical, so it is inherently a system that often does not closely fixate on the difficulties of those who are disabled. While it brings awareness to how you feel, it often provides you distractions to ease the swelling anxiety or such other emotions. CBT struggles to help the underlying problems within the individual, without extreme effort, and is acutely known as a "short term 'good'" in helping 'symptoms' of a psychiatric illness. In fact:

‘Researchers have found that CBT is roughly half as effective in treating depression as it used to be’' (2015)

Yes. I took that from the Guardian, but I can reassure you that there are far more quotes outside of an otherwise susceptible source.

"Behavioral therapy has its origins in American “behaviorism.” This theory assumes that human behavior is learned and can therefore be unlearned or learned anew.

For example, people who have developed depressive thoughts often tend to withdraw and give up their hobbies. As a result, they feel even more unhappy and isolated. Cognitive therapy helps to identify this mechanism and find ways to become more active again.

In anxiety disorders, behavioral therapy often includes learning methods to help you calm down. For example, you can learn to reduce anxiety by consciously breathing in and out deeply so that your body and breathing can relax. When doing this you concentrate on your breathing instead of what is bringing on your anxiety. These kinds of techniques can help you to calm down instead of getting all worked up with anxiety."

Alone, CBT cannot pull you out of a 'mental low': you might need other forms of reflection.

Now, most of us know that mental illness (for a lot of people) is heavily interlinked to either :

Inherited traits. Mental illness is more common in people whose blood relatives also have a mental illness. Certain genes may increase your risk of developing a mental illness, and your life situation may trigger it.

Environmental exposures before birth. Exposure to environmental stressors, inflammatory conditions, toxins, alcohol or drugs while in the womb can sometimes be linked to mental illness.

Brain chemistry. Neurotransmitters are naturally occurring brain chemicals that carry signals to other parts of your brain and body. When the neural networks involving these chemicals are impaired, the function of nerve receptors and nerve systems change, leading to depression and other emotional disorders.

Now, frankly, I understand how CBT can help an individual navigate through their thoughts, and how it may even be necessary for some to take the first step. CBT is there for those who are anxious (about therapy), it brings them into the world without being judged (hopefully), and then allows them to take the next big steps. Through their hopefully neutral or positive information gained from it, they can move on and find new, better, ways to develop a better mental health positions. However, the reason why I listed those 3 little 'mental illness is interlinked to', is because CBT does not help any of those directly. It takes your thoughts, and then provides you the positive juxtaposition. I think that nothing is particularly wrong with CBT itself, it's simply the ignorance some people continue to endeavor in. This ignorance is particularly visible in our educational system today. With each new generation, there are new difficulties; that is hard for every generation before to understand. Sometimes, we just need to acknowledge that there will always be a lag behind each generation; but all you need to do is listen, then you'll move on from there.

Listening can be hard when you've been surrounded by noise all your life.

TYPES OF CBT:

"Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)

This form of CBT combines cognitive behavior therapy with meditation and helps cultivate a non-judgmental, present-oriented attitude, which is referred to as mindfulness.  

MBCT can effectively help you deal with:

Anxiety

Depression

Bipolar disorder

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)

Wondering what the difference is between DBT vs CBT? 

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another evidence-based type of cognitive therapy that uses strategies like problem solving and finding acceptance. DBT is highly effective for the treatment of powerful emotions and severe mental health conditions. Those who benefit from DBT tend to see things in black and white. They view situations as one way or the other. They may not be able to see a middle ground or find a grey area. DBT can potentially help if you lack coping skills and find that you move from one crisis to another. Dialectical behavior therapy can also help you gain the skills you need to cope in a more effective manner.

DBT is known to effectively help those struggling with:

Borderline personality disorder

Bipolar disorder

Substance abuse

ADHD

Eating disorders

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)

This behaviorally-oriented CBT technique relies heavily on positive reinforcement and counter-conditioning. The goal of ACT is to change how you respond to your inner experiences.

Inner experiences include:

Emotions

Thoughts

Impulses

Physical feelings

Acceptance and commitment therapy teaches you how to stop denying, avoiding, and struggling with your inner emotions. You’ll learn how to acknowledge deeper feelings. As you move through talk therapy, you may begin to realize that your feelings can be appropriate responses to certain situations. Once you grasp this way of thinking, you can start accepting the hardships and issues you’re experiencing. This acceptance allows you to make the behavioral changes necessary to improve your life.

ACT can help you learn how to cope with:

Depression

Social anxiety disorder

Stress in the workplace

Psychosis

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Test anxiety

Chronic pain

Substance abuse and addiction

Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT)

REBT is an active-oriented therapy approach that helps you identify irrational beliefs like self-defeating feelings and thoughts. You’ll learn how to actively challenge irrational thoughts and eventually be able to recognize and change your thought patterns. Ultimately, REBT teaches you to replace negative thoughts with healthier, more productive beliefs.

REBT is one of the types of CBT that’s been shown effective in treating individuals dealing with:

Anxiety

Guilt

Depression

Inappropriate or extreme anger

Unhealthy eating

Aggression

Procrastination"

WHAT THE NHS SAYS

it may not be suitable for people with more complex mental health needs or learning difficulties

it involves confronting your emotions and anxieties – you may experience initial periods where you're anxious or emotionally uncomfortable

it does not address any wider problems in systems or families that may have a significant impact on someone's health and wellbeing

it focuses on the person's capacity to change themselves (their thoughts, feelings and behaviours)

it can be as effective as medicine in treating some mental health problems and may be helpful in cases where medicine alone has not worked

Honestly? I'm sure a good selection of medical professionals are always trying to maintain awareness about these. There's only so much you can do while in your preoccupation and contract. Each form of CBT will have a varying effect on each individual! Don't take all my little rambles to heart, take them with large bags of salt. There's many individuals out there with just as valid sources of information.

Remember! I spend only a couple hours in my evening to do this, I'm not a qualified person at all. Don't run away from CBT if it's the only thing you can access, it's usually better than nothing.

Oh, by the way, it's the most common due to its accessibility (and as a result) the research into it. We're constantly researching other forms of medical help (I hope), so one day, maybe we'll find something even better than what we have now. The CBT we had in the past most likely wont be comparable to the CBT in the future.

An interesting argument for: Why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Is the Current Gold Standard of Psychotherapy

Why CBT is effective

Addressing the Uncertainties of CBT

Long-term Outcomes of CBT

Yup! Hope this wasn't too long this time either.

#medicine #psychology #cognitivehealth #debatable #sorry for long post #long reads #mental health #therapy #interesting #rambles #just a silly idea i had #not a professional

[camp-counselor-life]

Things that have changed in my job after 2.5 years of COVID

These are just some observations about what has changed in my job life after spending 2.5 years in a very different world.

Camp staff are less sure of themselves, especially new staff, but including some returners. This isn’t a dig on staff, it’s just an observation. New staff are always adjusting, but this seems different.

While helicopter parents are not new, but there is a lot of hovering from many parents, especially with Daisies and Brownies (ages 5-8 ish). Older kids (Junior+) it tends to be less so.

However, when children are occupied, parents seem to be less willing to directly supervise/buddy with their kids and more likely to buddy up their kids with other kids. Or just let their children run wild. This is primarily a problem at camp and longer programs when staffing is limited.

People are less likely to address conflict. They would rather tell me about it afterwards as a complaint, when I can’t do anything about it. Not that this wasn’t an issue before, but it has become a lot. Like, these are full grown adults. This also applies to FT staff, unfortunately.

Kids just do not have the “classroom management” type knowledge that they had pre-pandemic. Stuff like call and response, “123 eyes on me,” getting into lines, etc. They just don’t know it.

Kids are super excited to see and meet other kids. I don’t know if we’re truly not back to meeting people in person, but I think that isolation in 2020 made a lasting impact.

Focus, noise level management, listening skills, all have decreased.

People’s expectations are all over the place. Not to say that they weren’t before, but there was a certain understanding, such as “you will fill out the release form at all programs,” and “a certain amount of chaos is normal and expected.”

Everyone is on edge. We just came back different and haven’t readjusted to the way things were.

I’m sure there’s a lot more that’s a different vibe than before, these are just some of the things that I have noticed.

#COVID 2020 #full-time Girl Scout #campers #parents

[kikuneesama]

Happy birthday @enevera!! Here is a little something something, I hope you might like. I'm sorry I couldn't come up with anything cooler fsdklfsdaklf. I havent written in a while and idk with my brain yet. Anyway, wish you a great day and all good things. Sending hugs <3

Uh, yeah, this is I guess Satoru x Suguru x Shouko .... maybe

2064 words

unedited because im lazy.

There is this certain type of cigarette smell that transforms Shouko back in time whenever she smells it. It does not matter where exactly she is, Tokyo’s main station, the narrow ways between the high rise buildings of Ropponing, the long way up the road to the school, if she just catches a whiff of that smell it is like she timewarped back to being a teenager.

Maybe that is why she stopped smoking those brands of cigarettes completely.

Once you enter adulthood, many people in the country start looking back at their childhood summers with this nostalgia for a time that seemed almost too perfect to be real. Anime, movies, music and tv often discuss these summers, the longing an adult feels for them and how a time like this would never happen ever again.

Shouko hated this. Summers were hot, summers were sweaty and overtly sunny and full of bugs and cicada noise. As a kid she would hide in the basement, and now, as an adult, she was doing much the same. 

Her childhood summer, the one she longs for, happened when started when she was 15. It lasted for much more than four years and it smelled of chewing gum, wooden rooms and menthol cigarettes.

Being a person who can see cursed spirits didn’t make you a popular student with the other kids in schools. So for her first 8 or so years in school, Shouko tried to stay out of everybody’s way. That didn’t mean they didn’t whisper about her behind her back, thinking her interest in medicine and especially forensic sciences were odd. Still, she didn’t have it as bad as other kids like her, she was not bullied, she was mostly just left alone.

It was good to be alone. She knew how to cope alone.

It was an unusually warm April day, the cherry blossoms just falling down the trees when Shouko entered Jujutsu High for the first time. She was almost sweating in the black new uniform with the long sleeves. She was greeted by the headmaster, introduced to her teacher and told that she’d share the year with two boys. She wasn’t very interested in them.

Shouko heard Gojo Satoru before she saw him. The corridor with the student rooms was full of the noise of his laughter. When he introduced himself to her, with that sly smile of his, and told her who he was, what significance he had, how he was going to be unbeatable, Shouko guessed and guessed right instantly, that he was overplaying.

That he was lonely was obvious, even if you couldn’t see his eyes.

Geto Suguru was a different kind of boy. He was quiet, an outsider and he knew it. He was friendly, always overly courteous. He inquired about her medical books and anatomy posters and overall did some friendly small talk. Shouko guessed that he too had been mostly alone and instead of becoming louder, like Satoru, had just quieted down more. 

All three of them were similar in that regard.

At first she thought she'd never like either of them very much. 

And so classes began.

Getting to know both of them was a slow but rewarding process. Shouko had been right about Satoru, he had been isolated from other people most of his life so far and craved human connections. He would come by her room even when she was studying, hanging on her bed throwing balls at the ceiling and down until she told him to leave.

Suguru turned out to be a real nerd. Super interesting and classic and modern Anime and Manga, though he hid his addiction well. In his room he kept most of his Manga volumes under his bed and in the corner, all neatly packed and dust free, as if they were porn magazines. But if he was asked about it, he would never stop talking. Shouko sometimes spent evenings with him just sitting side by side reading in comfortable silence.

She knew the boys were doing things together without her too. That they spent time with just the two of them. One time she opened the door to Satoru’s room for this and that and they were laying shoulder to shoulder on his bed. 

At the time she had no way to explain the stinging she felt at being excluded from the intimate moment.

They were a trio. Most first years came into the school in Trio’s or groups of four, but none were as close as the three of them. It was impossible to mention Suguru without mentioning Satoru and Shouko too. Triple S, the first years called them once they graduated to year two, and they meant it in annoyance and admiration.

That second spring, Shouko brought the menthol cigarettes for the first time. She ignored the “That’s bad for your health” and “those stink” comments from Satoru whenever she put on one, and his dramatically waving hands if it was around him. Smoking was nice and a stress relief and made her feel good.

Smoking wasn’t allowed in the dorms or through the open windows as the smell could seep into the furniture and curtains, so Shouko often had to go outside to have some. Either of the boys, sometimes both of them, often accompanied her then, even if Satoru often pulled a face.

The smell of the cigarettes seeped into all of them anyway, their hair, their clothes, their minds that summer, with so many things happening. Shouko was watching the boys grow from the sidelines. Her career path was different and so they were often separated. But before and after missions they’d still all sit together, outside, on porches or in gardens and on benches, talking, laughing and the smell of Shouko’s cigarettes were always there too.

Shouko loved both of them. Each in their own way, but at best together. In those times she used to think that if she’d be able to live with them side by side forever, she would never need to marry. They would be family enough.

Suguru could endlessly talk about manga he had bought, new shonen jump issues and anime adaptations, but it was Satoru who brought in the story that finally helped her figure her mind out. It was a Shoujo manga, something Suguru would never touch if he could help it. Satoru was raving about it, the story of a protagonist who couldn’t choose between two suitors. “She loves them both,” Satoru exclaimed. “So she can’t choose! It's incredibly exciting to read.”  

“You can’t love two people,” Shouko said in reflex, but took the books anyway. To humour him.

Amongst all the relatively standard romance and reverse-harem tropes Shouko actually did find the narrative pretty interesting. The lead character did love both boys very clearly and struggled to decide who to pursue. Didn’t help that both guys had different personality traits that fit neatly into hers, but none of them was perfect.

When she gave the books back to Satoru she told him she liked it, but not without gritting her teeth a little. Still, he smirked, because of course he did.

Not long after that, at the height of sweaty summer, Shouko felt like hanging out with Suguru, so she made her way over to his dorm room, her arms full of books to study with. It was not locked, the door just leaning, so she pushed it lightly with her foot to have it swing open. Suguru was there with Satoru. 

They were kissing.

This time the sting felt much more real. She turned and ran away.

The moon was already up and Shouko had not found sleep yet. It was good that the boys were a couple, they were good, they worked together, they liked each other, right? That was good. She was just upset that this meant they’d do more things without her. That she’d be excluded more, because couples want to be alone. Right? 

“You can’t love two people.” So it was.

She tried to stay away from them a little more afterwards. They deserved to explore this thing on their own, without her around. Plus, in middle school she had always been alone, so she must be used to it.

But losing both her best friends at the same time was a hard pill to swallow. 

Not that they were actively excluding her. No Satoru still came around to annoy her when he felt like she needed cheering up, Suguru still invited her over if he had a new manga issue bought somewhere, or a novel to share, but Shouko blocked them off most times. They should spend time together, not waste it on her.

Shouko smoked more cigarettes than any other time before. The pain ate at her insides. Never had she thought that losing a friendship could hurt like that.

She thought of that manga again, that main character that loved both of the male leads equally as much. The tear it brought her to have to choose possibly, the fact that she couldn't. The fact that Shouko’s own reaction had been to immediately dismiss it.

Maybe that was it, she thought, a midnight in winter. Maybe she loved them both to equal measures. Maybe that was why this felt more like heartbreak.

The next week Shouko started observing herself around both of the others. How she felt when she was with each of them alone, how she felt when they were all three together. At the end of it, there was no doubt about it really. You could in fact love two people.

She didn’t know how to confess what she felt, too scared that she would ruin what little they had left. Satoru and Suguru loved each other clearly and they liked her well enough, but was that a good basis for an actual, real, relationship as three?

At least she stopped blocking their advances and started hanging out with them more again. More cigarette smoke and book talk and laughter. She was relieved to be by their side again.

One night, way later than Shouko was allowed to stay in the male dorm rooms, they were laying together on Satoru’s bed. Satoru was telling a story about the clan house his family owned, about one of the old guy’s that always came around to stare at him as if he was a rare jewelry item. Satoru was good at telling stories, always making them very imaginative and easy to follow.

Suguru smiled and laughed along too, even though in recent times he had grown so quiet and often looked tired. In hindsight, Shouko felt like she should have known something was not quite right with him.

Still, that night, she felt so at peace with both of them by her side. She slung her hand around Satoru’s - at least the one he wasn’t waving around– and then the other around Suguru’s. They let her, entwined her fingers with hers. And so they fell asleep eventually, just holding on to each other.

Shouko wondered the next morning if confessing was necessary. If they’d just continue being together like this, it was enough for her. 

-

The day Suguru left she found a note on her notepad in her dorm room. He had hastily scribbled it down right there, just three words, no other goodbye. 

He did not go to Satoru. He did not say goodbye to anyone else. Instead he scribbled something for Shouko, maybe in hopes she would understand.

It was something she recognised from Bleach, a popular manga at the time. A character, ready to leave her old life behind for ever, as a goodbye to friends, had left a note behind.

Goodbye, Halcyon days.

And though at first she did not understand what that meant, she instinctively knew the feeling those words wanted to convey.

To him, the carefree days of youth, the long summer of their childhood that they’d long for as adults, was over. 

Suguru was not saying goodbye to her specifically, he was saying goodbye to the version of him that had been in the last two or so years.

That day she went to smoke outside her dorm even if it was against the rules. She could not explain why, but the taste suddenly made her feel sick.

In the end, she never got to tell them.

#dunnooo how to tag this because ihave no tagging system on this blog #asdfaskldfhsd #oh well #HBD VERA KISS FOR YOU

[tunabesimpin]

Thank you for the tag @kalu-luwa !!! I separated my post cause I can see this becoming very long TvT sorry if i shouldnt have!

ORIGINAL POST/ TAG! ^v^

Oc asks! : for Tuna!

😍 What's the most attractive personality trait a partner can have to them?

Being super playful or fun to be around! Basically a good sense of humor and always inviting you to do stuff! This can range from just playing video games together or watching youtube to actually going out to do stuff. Tuna just likes to be included and enjoys light-hearted joking!

🤣 What makes them crack up?

Potty humor, dad jokes, and cut-off jokes. They have old man humor. You show them a video with fart with reverb over someone tripping and they will very likely laugh. The man who got his free tacos only to drop them and video cuts off? HILARIOUS, COMEDY GOLD. Anything with a goofy sound replaced overtop the og noise? PURE GENIUS.

😡 What's one surefire way to make them angry?

Yell at them. Tell them their opinion is wrong, that they don't get a say in things, or they are absolutely gonna do something only because you know they will. This is 100% the most annoying thing for Tuna and they will just isolate/ stop talking to you LOL. If you push more they might snap at you with your most sensitive topics soooo watch your step.

😄 When are they at their happiest?

Listening to their fav music and playing around ^v^! Literally put on any song from their likes playlist while they want to play and they're on cloud 9. No thought only random flips and pacing to the song!

😭 What makes them sad?

Being the second choice/ left out completely- TvT The amount of times this has happened hurts, and usually Tuna finds out just on their own by chance. They'll pretend it doesn't change the friendship/ crush, but they usually just try to back off and not be clingy. This mostly applies when its one of their fav persons.

💋 What are kisses with them like?

Their kisses are either goofy and playful or quick and shy. Tuna loves to show affection, but never knows what's too much, so they play it safe bein a goof ball about it! But in some tender moments and after a lot of reassurance, Tuna will have the courage to give a sweet quick peck and then act like nothing happened behind a tomato red blush.

👻 What scares them?

Invasion of privacy and fear of depth (mostly at cliffs and deep ocean). Tuna can be paranoid on if they're being watched or if someone they don't trust/ know is too close. Cliffs are scary cause Tuna has a problem with depth perception. They still like hiking, but just nothing too steep. As for the ocean, they just really suck at swimming LOLOL. They never learned how to hold their breathe properly and are weak swimming. Also deep water is just really dark and has creatures yet to be discovered and as cool as that is it's also terrifying because Tuna is just a smol lil guy.

❤️‍🔥 What sets their heart aflame?

Include them in things and be physically affectionate. They're a hopeless romantic and will swoon at most acts of kindness. Head pats, back hugs, inviting them to hangout, Tuna is easy to please. Though surprisingly they don't fall often and even when they do you may never know.

🧠 What type of intelligence do they excell at? (Booksmarts, emotional intelligence, etc.)

They don't excel at anything LOL. If anything probably booksmarts? But it's more like jack of all trades, they just sorta logic their way through things and most times it works out for them. Just a lot of luck honestly.

🎂 How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

They get themselves a cake and their fav dinner! They don't really have a party or invite anyone since the incident (no one but their bestie came to their birthday despite inviting all their friends).

👗 What's their fashion sense?

They like comfy clothes! Tuna enjoys many styles and it really just depends if they feel in a certain mood! ^v^ But their most go to is big shorts and big shirt. Oversized clothes are great! Easy to move in and cozy.

❄️ How do they handle the cold?

They are a natural heater! Cold isn't too much a problem except for their piercings... Those metals get really cold so their ears tend to freeze the most! Otherwise Tuna just runs around a bit to warm up. Though they've never experienced weather below 4 Celsius.

and voila! the list is done LOLOL thank you again for the tag! Now no pressure tags! : @moomoomooing @oseathepebble @comingyourlugubriousness and anyone who wants to join in too! ^v^

#thank you for the tag! #ngl i wasn't sure if this was supposed to be asks or just answer #but im assuming just answers and i like to talk anyways soooo LOLOL #twisted wonderland #twst #twst oc #twst tuna #tuna be talkin

[vojtapetr]

How To Pick The Very Best Earbuds For Your Requirements?

Selecting the most ideal earbuds could be a complicated duty given the large wide array of choices accessible on the market place. Whether you're a music fanatic, an athlete, or somebody who simply takes pleasure in the advantage of portable audio, discovering the correct pair of earbuds may considerably enhance your paying attention expertise.

Variables to look at when selecting earbuds that satisfy your specific requirements

Sound Quality

This is actually perhaps the best essential element when deciding on earbuds. Appear for earbuds that give a balanced sound profile page with crystal clear highs, in-depth mids, as well as strong lows. Some brands emphasize bass, while others concentrate on total quality. Consider your preferred genre of music and also select earbuds that deliver the best audio for that category.

Comfort and also Fit

Due to the fact that you'll likely be wearing your earbuds for lengthy time frames, comfort is crucial. Seek earbuds that happen with multiple dimensions of ear tips to make certain a snug as well as comfy fit. Some earbuds additionally include ergonomic styles or even adjustable installations to give a more customized suitable for your ears.

Sound Isolation or even Noise Cancellation

Depending upon your atmosphere as well as choices, you may prefer earbuds that use passive noise solitude or even active noise cancellation. Passive sound solitude screens ambient noise through developing a tape in your ear channel, while active sound cancellation utilizes innovation to respond to outside sound. Select the alternative that ideal meets your requirements, whether you intend to concentrate on your popular music or stay familiar with your environments.

Wireless or even Wired

Wireless earbuds supply the comfort of liberty from twisted wires as well as are actually suitable for on-the-go usage. Having said that, they need regular demanding and might have connectivity issues. Wired earbuds, on the other palm, give a trustworthy link as well as are compatible with a large variety of gadgets yet may be actually less hassle-free, particularly throughout exercisings.

Battery Life

If you go with cordless earbuds, spend attention to their battery life. Search for earbuds that give enough electric battery life to last via your typical consumption patterns, whether you're travelling, working out, or even listening closely at home. Also, consider the billing instance's battery life, as it affects just how often you'll need to recharge your earbuds on the go. Look at these incredible earbuds at https://beat-buds-pro.shop/ for superior audio premium as well as convenience.

Durability as well as Water Resistance

If you lead an energetic way of living or plan to use your earbuds during exercises, select earbuds that are actually sweat-resistant or waterproof. Appear for earbuds with an IPX rating, which signifies their degree of water resistance. Additionally, consider the create quality of the earbuds as well as whether they can easily stand up to daily deterioration.

Compatibility

Make certain that the earbuds you opt for work with your units, whether you utilize them with a cell phone, tablet, laptop, or even yet another audio resource. Check for compatibility along with Bluetooth variations and audio codecs to guarantee optimal efficiency along with your gadgets.

Extra Features

Take into consideration any type of added functions that might improve your paying attention experience. Some earbuds provide contact commands for easy playback and also get in touch with control, while others feature built-in mics for hands-free calls. Particular versions likewise possess friend applications that permit you to personalize settings and also gain access to added functions.

Price and also Value

Lastly, consider your spending plan as well as the total value given through the earbuds. While superior earbuds may deliver state-of-the-art functions and also audio premium, there are likewise a lot of budget friendly choices on call that supply excellent efficiency for the rate. Analyze the components and performance about the cost to determine the most effective value for your budget plan.

Through looking at these variables and also prioritizing your details necessities, you may choose earbuds that offer a satisfying listening adventure adapted to your choices as well as lifestyle.

#earbuds

[thesisphdblog]

Coworking: What Is It? (A Simple Guide for Beginners)

Coworking

You are older than the idea of coworking if you were born before 2005. And if that still hurts, here's another one: You might also be older than the Internet.

what exactly is coworking?

Brad Neuberg's idea of a shared workspace gave rise to coworking as we know it today in 2005. He founded the San Francisco Coworking Space with the intention of establishing an office setting where independent contractors could operate without interference while enjoying the comfort of being close to others in a work community.

Coworking spaces provide an alternative to working in coffee shops or feeling isolated at home. They offer a communal location for independent workers to connect with others and eliminate the feeling of isolation often associated with remote work. The popularity of coworking has grown significantly, with over 5,000 coworking offices in the US and 19,000 globally. It is projected that 1.08 million Americans will work in coworking spaces in 2022. For those looking for an office without the commitment of renting their own, a coworking space can be an affordable and exciting option. Membership typically includes access to the coworking facility and amenities for a certain number of days each month, and most spaces charge a monthly fee for use. Some also offer daily usage for travelers in need of meeting space.

How Does a Coworking Space Appear?

A coworking space has the same atmosphere, decor, and sound as an ordinary office. It usually has a lot of busy action going on. You'll probably hear low-level background noises like people talking at the water cooler, coffee brewing, keyboard typing, printing on paper, and mild giggling that are absent from a home office.

The majority of coworking spaces are organized like traditional offices since they are designed to promote productivity. Wireless Internet, desks, conference rooms, phone booths, break rooms (with fresh coffee and occasionally free refreshments), and access to printers and copiers are just a few of the basic services they provide. Additional services, such as mail service, game zones, nap pods, fitness centers, and other features, may be offered in premium coworking spaces.

Coworking spaces typically provide a variety of areas, including a typical office area with desks, a shared meeting/recreational room for discussions and networking, a peaceful space for a phone and video meetings, and a dining lounge.

Who Employs Coworking Facilities?

Teams as well as a range of individuals utilize coworking spaces. Who are the most likely people to be found in a coworking space? Here's a breakdown:

Freelancers

Individuals who work for themselves as independent contractors offer task-based or consulting services to other companies. Even though they value their "freedom," freelancers may dislike the idea of working from home for a variety of reasons.

First of all, working from home does not encourage a healthy work-life balance. Second, scheduling client meetings when working from home might be challenging. These people like working in a more formal environment since it gives them more freedom to achieve their professional objectives.

[inspireofficespace1]

Coworking: What Is It? (A Simple Guide for Beginners)

Coworking

You are older than the idea of coworking if you were born before 2005. And if that still hurts, here's another one: You might also be older than the Internet.

what exactly is coworking?

Brad Neuberg's idea of a shared workspace gave rise to coworking as we know it today in 2005. He founded the San Francisco Coworking Space with the intention of establishing an office setting where independent contractors could operate without interference while enjoying the comfort of being close to others in a work community.

Coworking spaces provide an alternative to working in coffee shops or feeling isolated at home. They offer a communal location for independent workers to connect with others and eliminate the feeling of isolation often associated with remote work. The popularity of coworking has grown significantly, with over 5,000 coworking offices in the US and 19,000 globally. It is projected that 1.08 million Americans will work in coworking spaces in 2022. For those looking for an office without the commitment of renting their own, a coworking space can be an affordable and exciting option. Membership typically includes access to the coworking facility and amenities for a certain number of days each month, and most spaces charge a monthly fee for use. Some also offer daily usage for travelers in need of meeting space.

How Does a Coworking Space Appear?

A coworking space has the same atmosphere, decor, and sound as an ordinary office. It usually has a lot of busy action going on. You'll probably hear low-level background noises like people talking at the water cooler, coffee brewing, keyboard typing, printing on paper, and mild giggling that are absent from a home office.

The majority of coworking spaces are organized like traditional offices since they are designed to promote productivity. Wireless Internet, desks, conference rooms, phone booths, break rooms (with fresh coffee and occasionally free refreshments), and access to printers and copiers are just a few of the basic services they provide. Additional services, such as mail service, game zones, nap pods, fitness centers, and other features, may be offered in premium coworking spaces.

Coworking spaces typically provide a variety of areas, including a typical office area with desks, a shared meeting/recreational room for discussions and networking, a peaceful space for a phone and video meetings, and a dining lounge.

Who Employs Coworking Facilities?

Teams as well as a range of individuals utilize coworking spaces. Who are the most likely people to be found in a coworking space? Here's a breakdown:

Freelancers

Individuals who work for themselves as independent contractors offer task-based or consulting services to other companies. Even though they value their "freedom," freelancers may dislike the idea of working from home for a variety of reasons.

First of all, working from home does not encourage a healthy work-life balance. Second, scheduling client meetings when working from home might be challenging. These people like working in a more formal environment since it gives them more freedom to achieve their professional objectives.

Startups

Startups often have a small, core workforce in their early phases. They favor working collaboratively in a coworking space due to its accessibility and affordability in order to reduce expenditures. Contrary to what you may discover with regular office space, coworking spaces don't require a long-term lease. 

Additionally, they are far more reasonably priced and don't charge extra for things like electricity and cleaning services. A small crew can enter the building with their laptops and begin working immediately because everything is supplied, including office furniture and the Internet.

Startup teams can engage with one another in the same environment by using coworking spaces. They can regularly collaborate and work together, creating links and chances for real-time communication.

Remote and Hybrid Workers

An organization hires a remote or hybrid worker as a full-time employee as opposed to a freelancer. However, a remote or hybrid worker can choose to work from anywhere they like and is similarly independent of location as a freelancer.

These individuals might appreciate working from home, but they might also desire to mix up their work week. Many employees who work remotely or in a hybrid setting nevertheless prefer the option of doing so. Being with other people frequently stimulates productivity.

What Advantages Come with Coworking?

Reduced Loneliness

The early stages of the pandemic taught us that isolation can have a negative impact on our mental health. You're going to feel lonely when you spend the majority of your day alone at work, seeing just the mailman and sometimes your pet. However, in a coworking environment, you collaborate with people who work for different organizations. Additionally, you can interact, meet new people, and build fresh connections.

Added Amenities

As was already said, a lot of coworking space provides a wide range of facilities in addition to an Internet connection. Snacks, mail delivery, happy hours, and the use of an on-site fitness center are a few examples of these extras. As a member, you have access to these benefits, which can improve both the quality of your personal and professional lives.

Networking Opportunities

You can meet people who work in various companies and industries in a coworking space. You might strike up a conversation with someone who would be a good fit for your company, and vice versa.

In a coworking space, you're much more likely to connect with other professionals who can advance your career than you are when working from home or in a typical office. Anyone can benefit from these networking opportunities, but it's especially true for those just starting their careers.

Work-Life Balance

Work-life balance is arguably the largest advantage that a coworking space offers. Working remotely or independently from home might make it difficult to distinguish between your professional and personal selves. 

It's simple to practically bring your job to bed with you when you work from home. However, if you use a coworking space, you'll be more likely to separate your business and personal lives during the day.

What Negatives Come with Coworking?

Coworking is not for everyone. The following are some explanations as to why coworking might not be the best option for you:

Financial Consideration

Joining a coworking space is not free, especially if you want to use one with a lot of features. That costs a lot of money. Some people find it more convenient to use a free workspace, like a library, or to spend a few dollars on a cup of joe at their nearby coffee shop.

Distractions

Productivity can be increased by ambient noise in an office setting, but only in moderation. Some coworking spaces could be too noisy, which makes it difficult to focus on your work.

Busyness

A coworking space may be completely crowded with people depending on the time you attend. Due to this, it could be challenging to obtain a desk or a semi-private area. Although not always the case, some coworking spaces regulate traffic by allowing members to book desks or time periods. 

Additionally, you shouldn't anticipate a completely private experience when you share an office with other people.

How to Establish a Coworking Space:

To set up a coworking space, first, determine the reason for starting the space and how it will benefit the community. 

Conduct market research to identify the demand for coworking space in the area. 

Select a location that is easily accessible, safe, and has ample parking and high-speed internet. 

Plan and furnish the space with different zones and necessary amenities. 

Determine additional perks to offer members to set themselves apart. 

Develop a marketing strategy to promote the space and hire a community manager to oversee operations.

Conclusion:

Increased productivity, networking opportunities, and a variety of amenities are just a few of the numerous advantages that coworking offers to employees. Make sure you start with the list of tasks mentioned if you want to create your own coworking space.

#officespace #private office #coworking

[scarboroughhirsch75]

Treating child intracranial dissecting aneurysm together with clipping out and angioplasty, as well as next-generation sequencing examination: A case record and literature review.

The actual developing progression of consideration as well as set moving but not pace associated with processing of exec functions has been significantly subnormal in EOS individuals. Some other certain cognitive functions that had attained well-designed maturation from the wholesome regulates prior to or even around the time with the baseline assessment confirmed typical find more increase in Eos 550d individuals through the follow-up period of time, implying steady mental failures. These kinds of benefits suggest post-onset developmental loss in two out of the about three facets of consideration along with executive features who have drawn-out maturational trajectories and that overlap the era of beginning of EOS. Zero significant difference within the progression of any sort of intellectual function is discovered involving the Eos 550d and EOP group.Pseudogymnoascus destructans can be a psychrophilic fungus in which infects cutaneous cells within give property softball bats, in fact it is the particular causal adviser with regard to whitened nose symptoms (WNS) in American (NA) softball bat people. Geomyces pannorum is really a associated psychrotolerant keratinolytic types which is hardly ever any virus regarding mammals. In this research, many of us became P. destructans along with H. pannorum in noise liquid ethnicities with great along with suboptimal conditions to be able to: A single) see whether triacylglyceride information are usually species-specific, and a pair of) see whether there are differences in oily acyl (FA) saturation levels with respect to heat. Total lipids isolated through both candica spp. ended up separated simply by thin-layer chromatography and determined to be mainly sterols (similar to 15 %), free fat (FFAs) (just like Forty five percent), along with triacylglycerides (Tickets) (much like Fifty percent), along with minor quantities of mono-/diacylglycerides as well as sterol esters. TAG arrangements have been profiled through matrix-assisted laser desorption ionization time-of-flight size spectrometry (MALDI-TOF). Full essential fatty acid methyl esters (FAMEs) along with acyl fat unsaturation levels were driven by petrol chromatography bulk spectrometry (GC-MS). Pseudogymnoascus destructans created increased ratios regarding unsaturated 18C fat as well as TAGs than Grams. pannorum. Pseudogymnoascus destructans and also Grams. pannorurn created up to two-fold rise in 18:Several efas with A few levels D when compared with at higher temps. TAG amount with regard to G. destructans from lower and upper heat progress limits ended up being higher than 50 % regarding overall dried up mycelia muscle size. These kinds of results show candica spp. adjust acyl fat unsaturation as a strategy to adjust to cold conditions. Distinctions among their particular glycerolipid information also provide evidence for a different metabolism process to help psychrophilic development, which might effect S. destructans' pathogenicity in order to bats. (H) This year The Uk Mycological Culture. Authored by Elsevier Limited. Most privileges reserved.Pills starting dissolution in the Unique selling position Dissolution Assessment Equipment 2 tend to be purchased at places on the vessel bottom part which might be off-center according to the dissolution charter boat and also impeller. A previously authenticated CFD strategy along with a book fresh approach were used the following to analyze the effects associated with pill location upon strain rates and dissolution costs.

[wizeardmanteis]

today the strangest thing happened. id been making kandi all day, a long awaited task turned furthermore into a burden as the days dragged on and continued to the sooner end of the summer season. when id found myself soaked in the silk of a conundrum. i needed hot glue because i lacked any type of punctuation mark for the ending to a bracelet i was making. however i had no such exclamation mark. so i had made one of an upside down i, however i needed to glue it to my other letter for this to work. yet no luck, the glue was missing. obviously bewildered by this, i searched and asked around finally leading back to the layer by which my brother bodes his domain. it quickly escalated and got out of hand, as his response to my questioning was that to assume my inquiry implied that of theivery. it did not but he knows not with his young age to listen. so alas i was thrown out to look elsewhere. my parents had gone so i took to it with the free space from the car having vacated the area where the storage bins lay. and i got to work opening and looking into them. i knew of two hot glue vestiges in my home. two documented ones at least, as they both routinely go missing and reappear at random, i knew better than to not take the time to look inside the office storage bins in particular. and as i dug through my first box in particular, i found photos of myself from deep in my very first term growing period to my most recent. i, being the first born was always the most heavily documented on, of my sibling collective. which is fine so to speak as i have proper proof for my experiences and that of my life previously to my most recent years. however i had come upon a pooled amount of dvds at the bottom, after i had divvied out some pictures of myself for the taking to add to my childhood shoebox. many familial events and activities, holidays, school photos, my parents wedding, stuff like that. however there was a dvd entitled “((my name)) photos” i was confused about the title so i set it in the pile with the other things i was certain id never find and left shortly after to make my departure. however when id put the disc into my tv after id arrived in my room. itd made many strange noises. then inexplicably brought me to a picture of a snowy mountain, in what looked to be a tundra climate. i stared at the photo for awhile just pondering the whole thing, before i realised it was a sort of slideshow. i pressed the remote for the next slide and took note that all of the slides were more or less the same thing. the disc being full of pictures of the dreary antarctic. where images of snowy mountains and clusters of strange looking penguin hold themselves a collective. though it continued endlessly, of eerie near perfect looking snowy mountains, surrounded by water and such. the photographer perhaps on a boat. i found it went on forever, me skipping through them for a solid half hour maybe, before i was called to do some chores. id been gone for a long time too, about midnight, as is the curse of leaving my room and stalling my way back to the connecting hallways, always somehow leading back to my door. i got right back to skipping through the slideshow. and the photos did not change, and there was no option to go backward. i took a short video of what i was seeing, to try to picture it better in explanation. but its really short as my phone stopped itself from recording not even 20 seconds in because of low storage-__-

im not very sure what to make of this, what association i am supposed to draw from a cd with my name on it, implying photos of me through its titling. and what the frequent photos of the antarctic imply to me as a person. this is quite the query, is it not? im afraid to take it out of my dvd player as i do not want to lose my place in the sequence of images i have found myself lost in. many of these photos beyond uncanny in a way i cannot pinpoint. perhaps it is the entailment of isolation making me feel this way. as i find myself anxious thinking of the endless artic tundra and pointlessness provided to me in such an environment, leading me to an endless feild of water, all surrounding to my periphery. a true nightmare to be lost to the ice and water beholdent in these photos. how i long to be away from it and yet i am viewing it from beyond that of a distance. i wonder what this is reflective of if not my own fear, is it true that our fears are what make us ourselves? i wonder where i heard that from. maybe in the future, i am these photos. maybe im the one taking them. or maybe these photos are just meant to represent me as an individual being. like finn from adventure time representing a sword when not trapped to that of a flesh corporeal form. regardless, perhaps these images were placed here for me to find when id come the age of understanding. i will ponder this more frequently as it has happened now a time ago, since id started writing this. yesterday to be exact. and i am still unsure if i even want to keep looking through the slideshow, as im not sure if it will ever end and time has not been very generous to me as of late. we will see. for now it is a mystery i will continue to write about.

continuation to this post

#alaynas dairy #memorabilia representative of the soul #strange day #journal entry #writing