#but you do... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apotatomashedbybts · 2 years

Text

But You Do...

➡ Pairing: Doctor!Kim Namjoon × oc (Seo Lee)

➡ Genre: fluff, angst, romance

➡ Trope/au: strangers to lovers, slice of life

➡ Rating: NC-17

➡ Triggers/Warnings: Graphic depiction of verbal abuse, toxic family relationships, description of pollen allergy, lots of crying

➡ Word Count: 2.0k+

➡Banner(s): made by apotatomashedbybts

➡ Summary: A simple wish of having a loving family was never so simple for Lee. So when she ran away from that unfulfilled wish she realised that not all wishes are granted the way they are wanted. And sometimes a loving family can be a single person too.

➡ Disclaimer: This fanfiction was originally posted 3 YEARS AGO ON MAY 31, 2019 AT 8:14 PM . The description of the symptoms and effect caused by the allergy and the treatments may not be accurate. The italics indicate flashbacks/past incidents.

➡ Author's note: I have decided to repost my old writings and this one is the first. I am so happy to bring back this one. This story is very much personal to me in many ways. I hope and pray no one is going through such time. And if someone is then please reach out. Even venting about it helps a lot.

I hope you have a good time reading this story. Feedbacks are always appreciated and looked forward to. They make me happy and motivated to write more! If you are shy, my anons are always open!💜🌼

Leaning on the windowpane of the moving bus Lee heaved a heavy sigh and looked out at the blurrily passing by night city. She could sense the uneasy yet surprised stares of the other passengers that were directed towards her. Though feeling uncomfortable she didn't care much. If she was in their place she would have been curious and surprised too, to see a constantly sneezing girl in a white knee-length bridesmaid dress, badly messy hair, red face partially covered by a pollution mask and even redder eyes.

Glancing for the fifth time in the past hour at the board inside the bus - that said about its current position- she grew impatient, but at this moment she needed to stay as calm as possible otherwise her condition would only get worse and thinking that she tried to calm herself down. She reminded herself that time was only relative - the more you wanted it to pass quickly, it gets slower and the more you wanted it to slow down, the faster it passed. She scoffed to herself as this reminded her of a day almost six years ago.

"Mom!!" An excited Lee came jumping into the kitchen, "Do you know that time is a relative unit? It works inversely proportional to the speed that you want it to pass! Isn't it amazing?" She was clearly fascinated at the new discovery and wanted to share it with her mom.

"And where from did you know that?" Her mom asked while kneading dough because Lee's brother wanted to eat pie that night. Lee's eyes sparkled at the thought that her mom was interested so she replied, "I was watching a movie named Lucy! It's so amazing and I learnt so many things."

"So you were wasting your time watching movies? Listen, those bullshit things are never going to help you in your real life! All that matter are your marks! And if you are not studying now then help me with making this pie. All you ever do is waste your time on useless things and pick up bad habits! What am I gonna do with you?"

The enthusiasm that Lee brought with her drained in an instant and quickly replying "Sorry mom.." she started helping her, trying hard not to let her tears fall in front of her mother.

The tears that had started to fall at the playback of the memory brought her back to reality and she glanced once again at the electrical board, relieved that she had only one more stop, to endure the pain, and the stares.

Getting off the bus she opened the Google Maps to search for any clinics nearby - the sneezing and the itchiness were getting intolerable. To her convenience there was a clinic nearby. At the reception she managed to ask about the doctors for allergies amidst her terrible sneezing. The receptionist looked at her with concern and said, "The doctor's shift is about to close but let me check. Please wait while I make the call." She nodded in agreement and looked away at the posters hanged in there to distract herself while tapping her feet impatiently.

"Excuse me!" The receptionist called out after a while. Lee turned her head at that way and pointing to herself asked, "Me?"

The receptionist nodded and said, "The doctor is ready to see you. His room is at the very end in the left wing. Please make your left turn at the very first turning of this passage," and pointed towards a long passage ahead. Bowing at the receptionist as a thanks Lee made her way towards the doctor's chamber.

She gently knocked at the door and a gentle soothing voice answered, "Please come in. The door is open."

As she stepped into the room she could figure out that the doctor had already packed up to close for the day. She was grateful that he agreed to check her up before leaving. He told her to sit down and told her to take the mask off. His soothing expression turned into a worried one as soon as she did what she was told to. He exclaimed, "It seems like you have pollen allergy and you have been holding it for too long! I will give you an antihistamine shot, that'll give you relief." He gave her a gentle smile and went to prepare the shot. Lee looked around while waiting and her eyes landed on the nameplate. "Kim Namjoon" she whispered to herself smiling mildly as she realised the meaning - the name suited his genius looks.

"Are you afraid of injections?" He asked after preparing the shot.

"Not really. I am used to them." Lee answered and then sneezed loudly.

Dr. Kim shook his head slightly and said, "You shouldn't have stayed unchecked for so long. But what's done is done. You will feel better after this." He then applied ethanol at a certain spot on her left arm and pushed the injection.

"I'll write you some medicines. Make sure you take them." Saying this he began writing the prescription with concentration. The shot seemed to do its work and her vision was much clearer than before, so she took this opportunity to observe the person sitting in front of her. She couldn't help but gawk at him - she seldom came across such handsome men. Not long after, she discovered his dimples, and noted in her mind that he was not only handsome but cute too, and his long and beautifully shaped fingers became her instant favourite.

After paying the fees, Lee came out of the clinic and sighed heavily thinking, "What now? There's no going back at this point."

It had been a long day and she never expected that this day would arrive so soon. Although she was glad, somewhat, that she was finally in Seoul, away from her family but still some things made her sad and she couldn't figure out what those things were. She had been preparing herself for this day subconsciously from many days back, and now she had enough money to stay at a cheap hotel until she found an apartment to rent.

She had been giving job interviews secretly online after completing her graduation and she was beyond happy that she got the job in Seoul; pretty far away from her home.

As the medicine worked its way to drive away the temporary sickness, she made her way to get a hotel room.

After checking in, she quickly went in for a bath, leaving her luggages on the bed. As she stood under the cold shower, she could feel the whole day's fatigue wash away little by little. Changing into her favourite pajamas, she called in the room service and ordered some cold noodles and fried chicken; she was starving. The food, she thought as she took in the savoury feeling, had always made her feel content and happy. But her mom had always thought quite the opposite of it. According to her, Lee's loving food was a bad habit, just like every other 'bad habits' she had. Whenever her mom scolded her for being hungry frequently and on the other hand constantly asked her younger siblings whether they were hungry or not, it made her tear up always. As she sat down and ate, she remembered that her family had always had dinner together, no matter what happened. Now that she was alone, she kinda missed the noises but didn't mind because it was somewhat peaceful. Once again her mind raced to the past, three months ago, an August evening to be precise.

"So when are your results coming out?" Lee's mom asked after putting half of a boiled egg in her mouth elegantly while sitting at the dining table.

This was the time of the day that Lee dreaded as well as hated the most. Her mom had a strict rule that everyone in the family should have dinner together. If someone was late, everyone had to wait for that person to arrive so that all of them could spend some quality 'family time'. But at this point, Lee totally doubted whether she was a part of the family or not and also whether this dinner was actually, as mentioned earlier, a family time or 'criticise-Lee-and-praise-others' hour.

"I don't know mom. The university has put up a notice saying that it would be delayed." She replied timidly, measuring every word cautiously, so that her mom wouldn't find anything in those words offensive enough.

But it never actually mattered how much caution she put in choosing the words because after all it's her mom and she would always find something to scold her about.

"What do you mean by the university has put up a delaying notice? Your university isn't that irresponsible! That's why I admitted you there; for your irresponsible self to get at least a little bit responsible! I bet you haven't checked properly. How can a person be so absentminded? " Her mom sighed loudly and continued, "Or is it the other way around? I think they have already published the result and you are not telling me!" Her mom glared at her.

Up until now Lee was swallowing up her words silently because talking back would have only resulted in getting a smack back. But the problem with her was that she had never been good at controlling her rage enough when it came to someone accusing her falsely. Or maybe that rage was just a longbuilt suppressed emotion trying to break free from its confinement.

Keeping the spoon with a loud clinking sound she rose from her seat and said, half yelling and half holding back her tears, "If you distrust me so much then go to my university tomorrow and see for yourself!"

The walk to her room was not easy as her legs felt like concrete, heavy, but she somehow managed to drag herself away. While going back she could hear her mother shouting at her, "How could you talk to me like that? Have you ever seen your sister or brother talk to me like that? You never loved anyone of us! I can sign a bond that one day you are gonna leave us and never look back, ignoring all the responsibilities to your family!"

At this she turned back and with hoarseness permanent in her voice, she replied, "Of course! Isn't that obvious enough? That's what I am going to do! It's not worth it to live here." A drop of tear trickled down her cheek as she choked back the words "all you ever did was hate me. I was never a good child to you as your other children are! I would never be good enough for you."

She slammed her door shut and broke down while sitting and leaning on the door; the tears were unstoppable. She could still hear her mother complaining about her loudly to her sister.

To stop the sounds from reaching her ears, she lied down on her bed with a pillow on her ear and cried until the hiccups made her breathing go hazy, until she fell asleep.

Lee sighed and shook her head to not let the memory dig deeper and decided to stay happy until she finished her food. Turned out that her mom's words became true; she had left her house. She knew that she would do it anyways so she didn't regret it, neither did she feel bad that her mother had 'predicted' so.

By the time she wrapped up, it was already midnight and she was sleepy. Not wanting to ruin the still-happy mood she decided to gulp down the medicines and hop into bed as soon as possible. As thought, so was done.

Nights like those, where she had just cried wetting her pillow, muffling her voice in it so that the scream couldn't come out because she was tired knowing that no one cared, until she fell asleep, were endless and the most painful moments in her life. But tonight was different. It was peaceful and she hoped that the coming nights would be too.

She snuggled closer to the pillow with a faint smile still hung on her lips in the anticipation of the new life she was about to begin and drifted off to sleep quite quickly while hoping that tomorrow would be better.

■□■□■□■□■□■

-> Chapter two

30 notes · View notes

apotatomashedbybts · 2 years

Text

But You Do...

➡Pairing: Doctor!Kim Namjoon × OC (Seo Lee)

➡Genre: fluff, angst, romance

➡Trope/au: strangers to lovers, slice of life

➡Rating: NC-17

➡Triggers/warnings: Graphic depiction of verbal abuse and emotional abuse, infliction of harm to health, toxic family relationships, description of pollen allergy, lots of crying, OC's mother is a bitch

➡ Word Count: 8.1k+

➡Banner(s): made by apotatomashedbybts

➡ Disclaimer: The description of the symptoms and effect caused by the allergy and the treatments may not be accurate. The italics indicate flashbacks/past incidents.

➡ Author's note: So I managed to finish writing this within the time frame I gave myself! Yay! *pat pat* . Anyways, enjoy this longer chapter while I space out and think about the fourth chapter! But, you, my friend, please don't space out! Leave lovely comments, feedbacks and reblogs and I'll give you forehead kisses and lots of hugs!💜🌼

"Ugghhh!!" The intensity of the groan grew louder with each passing second as Lee rolled in her bed and debated with herself whether she should text Dr. Kim first or not. She didn't want to seem desperate but God knew she was desperate - more than when she wanted to slip away when she was stuck in that stupid family reunion and all the aunties were frying up her brain asking about her plans for marriage.

She looked at her watch once more - probably fifteen times in the past 5 minutes - and she felt like the clock hands weren't moving at all from the house of 5:10 am.

She got out of the bed and went to the balcony. The light cold breeze hit her face and she closed her eyes for a moment to feel the soft touches of the air, to hear it singing the constant tune. With the faint chirping of a few birds the sound of the waking city life began to collide and it got written down on her brain like a note that she didn't like it. In the past few years she had developed a habit of late rising, mostly because of sleeping in late or one could say because of not being able to sleep until it's late. But earlier when she was a school student she had to wake up early and she remembered how beautiful the relentless chirping of the birds used to be in the peaceful dawn of her neighbourhood and it sounded like a song whereas this on the other hand was giving her a slight headache. At least the breeze felt nice, keeping the air pollution out of mind.

"Will he be up by now?" She wondered and sighing went back to her bed to see the time.

5:30am… Keeping the phone with a soft thud she sighed, again, and turned down the blinds slightly as the sunlight had started to pour in and she felt exposed; she felt like the sun told her that it can see her and she should hide to not get caught.

°°°

Her eyes fluttered open and the first thought that struck her was that she was late. She hurriedly sat up and looked at her phone - 7:30 am. Then it hit her that there was no time fixed for the meeting yet. She slumped her back and a gradual sadness crept up her chest trying to force its way out from her eyes.

"Why am I being like this?" She asked herself resting her eyes on her warm palms. A thousand thoughts invaded her mind. She scolded herself for being so weak over something so trivial like this. She blamed herself for depending so much on that little piece of affection that she was hoping to get when he had nothing to do with her. In any case, he was just thinking of it as a casual thank you while she was weaving a tangled daydream.

She was just about to let her tears take over her when the sound of the mobile notification made her jump. Her hand reacted faster than her mind did. It was a message from Dr. Kim. While tears were still playing at the brim of her eyes a smile pulled the side of her lips forming an upward curve.

Lee felt like the clouds were under her feet. Standing up she twirled around the room and hummed her favourite happy tune. She was happy.

She got ready as quickly as she could. Rummaging through her luggage she decided to wear a light yellow coloured flared knee length dress with small graffitis printed across it and completed her look with a light wavy hair and nude make-up.

Swinging her sling bag across her shoulder she set out in the morning city, smiling from ear to ear.

She hardly remembered when was the last time she felt this burdenless while going out on a date. And even if this wasn't a date, in her heart she considered it as one.

As she neared the Nari's Tteokboki her heartbeat began to pick up speed. An uncertain nervousness made her hands sweat. Taking deep breaths she assured herself that it was going to be okay. She repeated that in her mind until she reached Nari's Tteokboki.

Upon reaching she let out a small sigh of relief that she didn't make Dr. Kim wait for her. She looked at her phone - it was 8:25am. While fidgeting with her phone she contemplated whether she should text him or not that she had reached there or she should wait for him until it's 8:30. As she was thinking of all this a familiar voice called her. She immediately turned back instinctively and braced herself for doing so. The wind that blew at that time momentarily made Dr. Kim's hair flow in that certain direction along with his long coat. The whole scene to Lee was like from a romance movie - highlighted, sparkling and slow motion and Dr. Kim was no less than the charming main lead. She swallowed a big gulp down her throat and looked at him agape - still in slow motion inside her mind.

She would have held that moment forever in a slow motion if Dr. Kim hadn't waved his hand very enthusiastically at her. That wave pulled her out of her imaginary world and wiping away an imaginary trail of drool she waved back, trying to be as much enthusiastic; only if her heart wasn't still in trance she would have surpassed him in enthusiasm.

"The wind was unexpected, eh?" Dr. Kim smiled sheepishly after walking upto Lee.

"Y-yeah! Quite unexpected!" Lee replied, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Shall we get going then?" Dr. Kim asked, a soft smile plastered on his face while heading to the nearest bus stop.

-"Sure!" Lee replied nodding and tried to walk by him closely while trying being not too close.

Lee and Dr. Kim got a decent seat at the middle and Dr. Kim gladly let Lee take the window seat. Seating at the window seat a clenching feeling took over in her stomach as she remembered how she was always scolded by her mom for wanting to take the window seat - her words as Lee exactly remembered, "Let your younger sister sit there and stop being so selfish!"

She never understood why she had been called selfish by her mom all the time even after giving away everything that was supposed to be hers, even her happiness. Yet she seldom complained; only cried, alone. It had always been a constant battle within her inner self, where her mind became two - one that was selfless and another one that wanted to be selfish. Up until now she didn't know what it was like to be selfish for doing something for herself, for making herself happy. But now she knew and she also knew that she was never going to abandon being selfish.

As the bus was about to start moving a bunch of man with flower bouquets hopped in and stood a bit ahead of where Lee and Dr. Kim were sitting. Seeing so many flowers Lee's mind sent emergency alarms within a fraction of second to all her body parts making her shudder and she started frantically looking through her bag. Realising that she neither brought her mask nor her handkerchief she cursed herself quite loudly. Dr. Kim was quite alarmed too since he knew about Lee's allergic conditions. He was hoping within that no wind would blow at that time and Lee would find her mask. But seeing her cursing loudly he knew what was up and he instinctively reached his right hand into his coat pocket.

"Here, take this. It's new and I haven't used it yet. You can use this!" Dr. Kim offered his newly bought blue coloured handkerchief.

Though for a moment Lee's mind wanted to be hesitant but her survival instinct made her jump on the handkerchief just like a drowning person grabs on a twig as last resort, as if her life depended on it.

She wore the handkerchief like a mask and faced the window, still shuddering at the memories of the pain the flowers had always brought to her.

The sudden warmth engulfing her right hand made her turn her head and she noticed that Dr. Kim was holding her hand softly. She looked at him and he gave her a reassuring smile as if telling her that it's alright, he was there. Even if the gesture was small, it held an emotion that Lee needed the most at that time, an emotion that she was going to keep in her heart forever.

Her left hand curled up into a fist as she tried hard not to cry. This soothing warmth that she had longed for as long as she remembered induced a feeling that clawed at her heart and brought back memories that she wanted to forget.

~Eleven years ago~

"Lee! Lee! Where are you? We are back!" Linda's excited voice caught Lee's attention and she stopped for a while to shout back "I am doing my homework!" and went back to bury her face into the books again.

She was less than least interested in going out to see what they have brought from market because she knew it was going to be either home supplies or something for everyone except her. And even if her mom was generous enough to think about bringing something for her, she wasn't going to get her hands on it until she got lectured by her mom. So she always tried to avoid interaction with them as much as she could.

"Moooommm! Lee is not coming out of her room! I am yelling for so long. Ah! My throat hurts!"

Lee could feel a stream of anger flow inside her. In an attempt to control that she clutched her pencil too tightly which left red marks on her palm. She knew that Linda was purposefully exaggerating to mom to get her into trouble. But again she knew that her mom practically needed no excuse to bash her. So she tried to calm herself down and tried to concentrate in her notebook.

"Lee!! Come downstairs right now! What type of older sister you are? Stop being so self-absorbed all the time!"

Hearing mom's false accusations she sighed and took in a sharp long breath trying to stop the tears from coming out.

Barely managing to shout back "Coming!" Lee closed her notebook to go out to the living room.

As soon as entering the room Lee instinctively bolted backwards and bumped her ankle on the side table.

The cry of pain that came out of her mouth made Linda stop her happy dancing while holding a bouquet of chrysanthemum and turn her head.

After rubbing her fingers on her ankle Lee looked up only to find, in her horror, Linda skipping towards her. Before she could make out the course of the event Linda shoved the bouquet near her face and say gleefully, "Lee! This reminded me of you so I bought this! Do you like it?"

A series of sneezes buried Lee's answer and her face displayed a painful expression. She could feel her breath getting shallower. Her eyes filled with water as she struggled to breath. To support her weakening body she reached out her hand to grab Linda but her hand grabbed only thin air. Barely managing to cry out "Mom!" she sat down and clutched her dress near her chest trying to steady her breathing.

Even after a few moments when no one came she wiped her eyes and saw that Linda was sitting on the floor a few steps ahead looking at her with a crooked smile on her lips and shaking mildly the chrysanthemum bouquet. It didn't take Lee any extra moment to realise what was happening. She knew that no one was going to come to look after her now and she was on her own. Somehow she made her still wheezing body stand up and dragged herself to her bedroom.

She slammed her bedroom door and locking it from inside started frantically searching for her medicines. Covering herself in blanket she tried to let the medication work by calming down. Her body felt tired and numb. She wanted to die, she wanted to run away from everybody there. Tears came rushing and in her heart she felt pain, a stabbing pain. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want to go out of her room. Her eyelids felt heavy. And she wished for an endless sleep.

She didn't know how long she slept. When she woke up her head felt heavy and she just stayed in her bed staring at the ceiling. She would have stared at it for another few hours but a loud knock at her door didn't let her. The deep voice of her father followed the sound of the knock and she made an attempt to rise up from her bed, a failed attempt. She wanted to say that she was coming but her voice had sunk into her stomach. Seconds passed quickly and her father's voice grew impatient which was quickly followed by loud bangs on the door. With the leftover strength she had she tried again and trudged towards the door. Opening the door she could see her father's worried face but she was still too tired to ask how his day was. Her legs felt like cottons, struggling to support her weight and she collapsed in her father's arm.

Lee woke up to an almost familiar scent. She fluttered her eyes open and sighed; there she was again - the hospital.

The nurse beside her went out to call for the doctor and after a few minutes the doctor came in. She smiled seeing the familiar doctor. He smiled kindly at her and after checking her pulse and eyes he started speaking trying to sound as much kind as he could while scolding Lee since she was still young, "Lee.. what did I tell you about playing with flowers last time? I know it's normal to be curious and even skeptical about your own condition but you should listen to your elders. After all we care about you."

Lee was confused. And automatically she asked, "Sorry?"

Doctor smiled broadly looking at her and said, "Oh you didn't expect that your dad would tell me that you have not been listening to us? I guess it should have been a secret between Mr. Seo and me! Since your allergy started recently you have to be extra careful as you are not used to it. After using regular medications I hope it will be under control or at least you will be able to withstand it more. But until then no playing around! Do you understand me?"

Lee moved her head slightly, not knowing what to say back, which the doctor took as a yes and he patted her head lightly and said, "Tonight you'll be staying here. Go to sleep after the nurse feeds you the medicines, okay? Your mom came to pick up your dad while you were asleep because they had some work at home I think. They will come to pick you up tomorrow morning. Rest well!" He signalled the nurse to feed her the medicines after Lee finished her dinner.

After hearing the clicking sound of the door lock closing Lee loosened her left hand that was clutching the sheet to prevent herself from crying. She looked outside the window - she felt like the trees that moved in the rhythm of the wind in the darkness were peeking curiously at her. They were curious about why there was no one who would listen to her deepest feelings, they were curious about the reason behind not having someone who would hear her whispers and interpret them correctly, why did she not have the power to heal her own wounds. She wanted to run away to those trees and hug them. She wanted to scream and tell them her story.

She curled her legs near her chest hugging herself and cried. She asked the unknown entity what wrong she did. She asked why did her dad lie to the doctor, why she was blamed for the things she never did, why did she had nobody to hold when she was hurting so much. There were countless "why"s in her mind but noone to answer them. She cried until her cover was soaking wet in that particular portion and hiccups overpowered her.

•••

"Lee… We are here," the soothing voice pulled Lee out of her flashback. How long has it been? - she wondered. When her mind instructed her to look for her phone she noticed that Dr. Kim was still holding her hand, lightly, and it filled her stomach with butterflies, lots of butterflies. Before Dr. Kim could notice she coughed lightly and he noticed his hand on hers. He immediately pulled his hand away and uttered a small "sorry" and smiled sheepishly. Lee gave him a small nod and buried her head inside her bag to find her phone but her main intention was to hide her blushing tomato face.

The cafe that he chose made Lee think that he had known her since before she knew herself. It smelled of coffee and pastries and books. It's windows were decorated with small cactus plants and numerous bulbs hanged from the ceiling making the environment an aesthetic pleasure. As she entered, the smell mesmerized her and she breathed in deeply, taking in the mixed scent of old and new books, lattes and frappuccinos, pastries and croissants. She turned her head towards Dr. Kim and seeing her bright smile his chest puffed up in pride.

They took a comfy seat near a huge book rack and her eyes began scanning through the books. Soon she found the book she has been dying to read for long. Exclaiming her joy after finding the specific book to Dr. Kim she stood up and reached her hands out for the book and like many other times in her 24 years of life she cursed herself for not being tall enough. A heavy defeated sigh came out from her lungs but before she could completely give up and before the cafe assistant could come to help her, she felt a slight shift of air behind her only to feel Dr. Kim, a second later, just too close to her as she bumped the back of her head lightly on his chest. Muttering a quick sorry he pulled out the book Lee had been struggling to get just a while ago and handed it too her with a smile. Looking up and seeing his dimples so close to her blood rushed through her face and she sat on her seat hiding her face inside the book, and pretended to smell the old pages of the book.

She tried to think quickly how she should start the conversation so that it won't look too awkward or won't give away how stupid her face looked at that time.

Taking a deep breath behind the pages of the book she put the book down and faced Dr. Kim, who himself was looking at a book.

Noticing her putting the book down he put the book in his hand down too and looked at her.

"I shouldn't get carried away. I shouldn't get carried away. His eyes are so beautiful. Gosh! I shouldn't get carried away." Lee's mind was all over the place. But before she actually got carried away she asked him, "Do you come here often?"

Not too awkward, just a simple question! "You rocked it Lee!" She patted herself mentally.

"If you call 'once a week' as 'often' then yes, I do come here often," he replied smiling.

That smile, Lee thought, she was going to faint, and all because of that smile, that damned dimpled smile.

Before she could ask anything further an elderly lady who might be the same age as her mother approached them with a warm smile to take orders.

Lee felt a pain that rose from the bottom of her chest and she smiled at the lady so fondly as if she had been longing for an eternity for that warm smile.

"Oh who do we have got here? Such a pretty young lady. Namjoon, dear, you never brought someone with you. This is such an unusual occurance! You should have given us a heads up before bringing your girlfriend to our poor shack!" The lady exclaimed and kept her right hand gently on Lee's shoulder.

Lee immediately took the lady's hand in hers and exclaimed while standing up, clearly embarrassed by the reference, "oh no no no! I am just his friend… Not his girlfriend, ha ha! And what are you calling a poor shack? This is the most amazing place I have ever been to.. just as beautiful and warm as you are.." Lee didn't know why but her throat felt like choking while uttering the last few words and she gulped hard to make that go away.

"Such a charmer, isn't she?" The lady looked at Namjoon as if she knew he would agree with her.

Not waiting for Namjoon's reaction the lady turned to look at Lee and exclaimed, "Oh! Look at my manners! It's so nice to meet you darling. I am Hwa Yeon, Namjoon's aunt."

Lee bowed immediately and introduced herself, "I am really happy to meet you too! I am Seo Lee."

"That's a pretty name! So, have you decided yet what are you going to have? Or should I recommend something?" Hwa Yeon asked.

Namjoon replied immediately, "The usual for me please."

"I'll have anything you recommend!" Lee smiled at her.

"Of course. I am coming right up! You'll love it!"

Before she could go Namjoon asked her, a little bit worried, "By the way you are busy as it is. Let your employees do it."

"Namjoon dear as I told you earlier, it's not everyday that you bring your friends along. And I am not that busy today. Sometimes the owner should get along with her workers too!"

Flashing a grin Hwa Yeon turned on her heels and made her way to the counter.

Lee turned towards Namjoon and remarked, "Dr. Kim, you seem really close with her. She is such an amazing person. It must be nice to have an aunt like her…" Her words trailed off at the end as she didn't want him hear what she said but the words had already left her mouth. She felt sad.

"Namjoon."

At the unexpected reply Lee averted her gaze from the table and looked up at him, "Sorry.. what?"

He smiled softly and repeated himself again, "Namjoon." And then proceeded to explain, "You said we are friends, right? Then you should call me Namjoon from now on. Not 'Dr. Kim'."

Lee didn't know that a simple thing like that could make her thoughts change their mood so instantly and so effectively. But it was him and every single gesture related to him had nothing but soothed her ever since they met.

She blinked her eyes, trying to figure what she should reply with but she was at a loss for words. "Snap out of it. Snap out of it Lee." She yelled at herself mentally and dazedly extended her right hand.

It wasn't until she heard Namjoon's confused "huh?" that she snapped out of it and replied with a big yet soft smile, "You should call me Lee. It's an immense pleasure meeting you Namjoon."

Namjoon was taken aback. That was the first time he had seen Lee smile like that. All the other times when she smiled there was only enthusiasm and excitement in it but in this smile a genuine happiness was radiated, and it, as Namjoon thought, was beautiful.

Namjoon felt his cheeks getting warm. "Am I blushing? Abort abort! Where should I hide my face?" Namjoon panicked as his mind went into a ruckus. But then he realised that Lee was still sticking out her hand towards him and he knew that it was a bad manner to keep a lady waiting like that. Involuntarily smiling shyly he extended his hand to shake Lee's, "Hi Lee... I am glad that I met you."

The letting go of each other's hands was quite slow. It was hesitant yet there was a longing to hold a little bit longer.

"His hands… are warm… and beautiful…" Lee stared at his hand as she let go of it thinking if she would ever be able to hold that hand for a bit longer.

They were over with the introductions but what now? An awkward silence was prevalent in the air and Lee was too nervous that she might say something dumb enough to make Namjoon think that she was not worth his friendship. On the other hand Namjoon was no less nervous. He wasn't used to talk much. The only person he has talked to more than twenty minutes was Hwa Yeon and that also took him finger counted years to get that comfortable.

"Namjoon, here's your Iced Caramel Macchiato and this flavourful Vanilla Cinnamon latte for Lee. And this straight out of the oven pastry cream croissants to take your tongue on a heavenly trip and also to wave away the smell of awkwardness lingering here!" Hwa Yeon chimed in while putting the drinks and the croissants on the table. The way she put it into her words made both Lee and Namjoon embarrassed at their transparency.

Hwa Yeon sighed a little exasperatedly and sparing momentary glances at both of them for once she moved a few inches closer to Lee and stated, as if she was giving her an advising secret, "My nephew here loves crabs! Loves as in adores them. And hates sea food!"

Lee didn't know how to respond to that as she was utterly confused why she was being given this piece of information. With a stretched "okay" Lee flashed her teeth and her eyes wandered towards Namjoon as if asking for some few extra words.

"Ah! Why would you tell her that?" Namjoon let out a whine.

You stared at this side of him which was new to you and you whispered inside your head, "Cute."

As if Hwa Yeon could read everything that was going on inside your head, she said, "I am giving Lee a heads up so that when she picks up a place to go on a date with you it isn't a sea food place!" And with that sentence she attached a quick wink at Lee and went away towards the counter - leaving the responsibility of witnessing the stir she caused upon the two flustered adults.

As soon as the word 'date' had left his aunt's mouth an embarrassed Namjoon had immediately lowered his head and hid his face behind his right hand.

Lee chuckled silently for a moment with her right hand on her mouth at Namjoon being so unexpectedly adorable. But before he could plead her to forget about the date part - much to Lee's dismay - she asked him, "So... Why do you love crabs?"

At her query, Namjoon took out his face from its hiding place and sitting in a more relaxing position, he, with a faint attempt to clear his throat, answered, "There is no specific reason to be honest," he smiled coyly, "I just really like small and cute things."

His eyes twinkled and he smiled with his lips pressed in a pout, making an effort to not let loose his big smile. That only lasted for a couple seconds though and he said with another embarrassed tone, "I know it doesn't really go along with my appearance but yeah..." His voice graduated into a duller tone and his expression seemed rather somber as he averted his gaze into the drink sitting under his nose.

"I think it suits you," Lee said while fixing her eyes on him and subconsciously wanting him to look into her eyes so that he could see how much sincerity was in her heart when she uttered each and every word, "Makes you even more adorable."

"Well, that's a first," Namjoon chuckled and placed a unwavering and soft gaze on Lee, "nobody calls me adorable except my aunt."

A malfunctioning beep went across Lee's head and she screamed mentally, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Did I just blurt out the last part? Learn to have some self-control, you freak!" Lee placed an imaginary slap on her lips.

She was perhaps going to blurt out another unsolicited statement about how she didn't mean it, like an automated and false response but he was smiling now and the colour of his face was back which made her think that perhaps it wasn't that bad to lose self-control once in a while.

Lee's shocked eyes returned to their normal state and as her gaze met Namjoon's soft ones she replied, "That's other people's loss then. I hope you won't mind me taking the privilege of calling you adorable."

"Only if you allow me to do the same," Namjoon chirped back with a smile that almost, just almost took the shape of a smirk, knocking out a considerable amount of air out of Lee's chest.

Taking a sip from her latte, all Lee could do was humbly nod in reply and make an attempt to hide her blushing smile.

The spicy taste that spread itself over Lee's taste buds after the first sweet impression of itself made Lee's ear feel tingly, pretty much like a wave of little tingles traveling across the insides of her jaw till the inside of her ear, waking up her mouth in the process. As she felt the warmth go down her chest she exhaled contently and putting the cup down on the table she whispered out, "So good!"

At her content expression Namjoon felt a strange satisfaction bubble up inside him and he waited for her to take a bite of the croissant. Thankfully the croissant was still warm. Lee took a mouthful of it and instantly felt her inside fill up with a sweet happiness. The back of her throat felt full and her taste buds were elated. Lee moved her legs in little kicks of joy while she finished the croissant trying not to eat too fast.

"That was the best breakfast I had ever since I remember having breakfasts!" Lee exclaimed while holding Hwa Yeon's hands in hers after paying the bill.

"Then my plan to get you hooked here was a success, I suppose." Hwa Yeon replied with a mischievous yet sweet smile.

"It was a success way before you brought us the food," Lee smiled softly and then looking into Namjoon's aunt's eyes with her glistening one she whispered, "thank you."

Hwa Yeon didn't know what to make of that expression. She couldn't grasp the depth of the sadness that Lee held in her eyes while uttering those words but one thing she knew she could do was hug her immediately and with a light pat she mumbled, "I'll look forward to more thank yous from you then."

A chuckle left Lee's mouth accompanied with a few tear drops that she had been holding all this time as she nodded an enthusiastic yes and whispered, "Please do."

The bus arrived as soon as they reached the stop and they managed to secure a seat for each of them. It was same as before - Lee on the window side and Namjoon by her side but there was no flowers this time, there was no trigger for memories to snake it's grip around Lee's throat and definitely no other reason to keep her from talking to Namjoon.

But somehow Lee was sad - a sadness that was touched off by the fact that they have to part ways soon, accompanied with thoughts that said that perhaps there won't be any chance to meet each other often or soon; may be they'll fall apart before having the chance to get closer, may be they'd become just another acquaintances to each other.

A deep sigh was halfway out of Lee's lungs when Namjoon turned his head towards her a little and asked, "So, you said you are new here. Where are you from?"

Lee looked at him almost immediately and answered, "I'm from Incheon."

"Oh.. that's pretty far."

"Yeah. It is," and that's a relief, she thought.

Then she proceeded to ask, "What about you? Is this your hometown?"

"No," Namjoon exhaled a brief and quick sigh and looked straight, "my hometown is Ilsan. It's closer than yours." Saying that he proceeded to display a smile which seemed like a tool he was trying to cover up his previous antonymous expression.

Lee felt there was more to his sentence than he intended to give away but she was not in a position to be courageous enough to ask.

A minute of silence passed as both of their minds raced with their own thoughts in a desperate attempt to come to a conclusion to pick one particular thought and before Lee could, Namjoon spoke, "if," there was a moment's pause before Namjoon continued his question as if he was contemplating whether he should ask or not, "it's okay for you to tell me, what happened that night?"

Lee never expected that Namjoon would remember the state she was in when she went to his clinic but, again, it was hard to not notice someone as dishevelled as she was at that moment.

She weighed her options and the truth felt too heavy. So she lied, "It's fine, I don't mind. I actually went to a friend's wedding that day near my hometown and I caught the bouquet," displaying a sheepish smile at Namjoon she continued, "I know what you might be thinking and believe me I was aware that it wasn't a good idea but the desire to be part of it took over my logical thinking."

Lee looked down at her twiddling fingers and resumed narrating her made-up incident, "I had to be here in Seoul the very next morning so I took the bus available so that I can arrive before it's too late in the night... That resulted in me holding my discomfort for that long," Lee shifted her gaze to Namjoon who was looking at her with those deep eyes as if trying to understand her and she gave him a carefree smile, "hence, that resulted in me looking like a mad woman."

Namjoon couldn't help but notice the sadness in her eyes that she was trying to hide behind that smile. Namjoon thought about a thousand comfort words but nothing came out of his mouth except, "I wouldn't say that. More like troubled? So it was a little concerning," and he reciprocated her smile.

"You could put it that way I guess." Lee laughed mildly.

●●●

After getting off the bus Namjoon looked at his watch and almost panicked, "Ah! I am going to be late!"

And to that Lee gave an immediate response, "You should get going!"

"Ah! What should I do? I should walk you to your apartment," his lips almost turned upside down.

"It's totally fine! Trust me! It's hardly fifteen minutes walk from Nari's Tteokboki. And I am going to make a phone call from that phone booth anyways," she pointed towards a lone grey coloured phone booth standing at a turning ahead of them beside a street lamp on the footpath across the main road, "you should really get going. I'll be fine!"

After spotting the phone booth Lee was pointing at Namjoon looked at her with surprise and query in his eyes, "Wow, it's so rare to see working phone booths nowadays! Anyways, what happened to your phone?"

"Ah!" Lee fished out her phone from her sling bag and vaguely waving it she answered, "It died a while ago. But fret not," Lee straightened her back a little bit more and kept her right hand on her chest as if making an oath, "I'll text you as soon as I reach my apartment."

Namjoon giggled at her gesture and said, "Then let me at least accompany you to the other side of the road."

Lee smiled thinking that a few more minutes with him didn't sound too bad and she replied, "As the gentleman wishes."

As the traffic light turned red they both crossed the road hurriedly and after reaching safely Namjoon said, "I should hurry back. I'll wait for your text. Get home safe, hm?"

Lee gave him a light nod which Namjoon took as his cue to depart. Namjoon waved a quick bye and crossed the road hastily. Taking his bicycle that was parked in the bicycle stand by the bus stop he turned and waved at her again from the other side before dashing and disappearing in the next turning.

Lee's hand lingered a few seconds longer up in the air before slowly going into her sling bag and bringing out her cellphone.

Turning on her heels she started walking towards the phone booth while switching the phone on. She apologized to Namjoon mentally as her phone lighted up displaying the charge of it at 94 percent, "Sorry Namjoon, I had no other option."

Entering the glass box with grey rim she felt all the nerves in her body jumble up in a frantic attempt to escape. A minute passed as she repeatedly curled her palms into a fist to shake off the coldness. She debated with herself whether she should give up now and return some other time or not. A part of her wanted to run away because it was not ready to face what it left behind. On the other hand, another part of her wanted to reach out to what it didn't want to leave behind. And looking at the phone screen which displayed the name along with its number she chose to follow the later one, "I have to call Logan. At least he must be worried," a melancholic smile appeared across her face only to disappear the next moment.

Inserting the coin and dialling the number Lee stood there waiting with her eyes closed as the phone rang. With each passing ring she felt the urge to put the receiver down and flee but she knew that if she gets out of there right now there probably won't be a sooner time when she would be able to convince herself to go back in there and make the call. So she stood there, with her feet sinking into the ground more with each passing second. And just when she was starting to feel a distant relief that the call would go unanswered, his voice was heard from the other side.

-"Hello? Who is this?"

-"Hey, big baby..."

Lee's voice choked as she tried to hold back herself from breaking down into tears.

There was a few moments' pause from Logan's side before his shaky voice was heard.

-"Noona? Is that you?"

-"..it's me."

-"Are you alright? Did you see a doctor that night?"

-"I am alright and yes, I did see a doctor and took medicines. I felt a lot better after that."

-"That's a relief... Where are you?"

-"Just somewhere... It's a nice place, so don't worry."

-"You don't even wanna tell me?"

-"I am just not ready to face anyone yet... And you know mom. She'll probably figure it out if you come to see me."

-"You are right..."

Lee heard a light chuckle from him before he continued speaking.

-"Are you really okay though? Is it comfortable? Is the food good? Do you need some money? I can send it to you without mom noticing!"

-"Woah! You have really grown up, huh? Offering your big sister money? Wow!"

-"Come on! It's nothing like that you know..."

-"I know. I know. I was just joking."

-"I am just worried... Are you taking care of yourself?"

-"Of course! I am taking good care of myself. I have enough money. The place is nice. The food is really good. And I met some really nice people."

-"That's a relief then. But you promise me that you'll call me if anything happens and you need my help, alright?"

-"As you say. But enough about me. How are you? How are... others doing?"

-"I am doing fine. I just miss you a lot. The others... are worried about you. ."

-"We both know that's a lie. Mom and Lin must be overjoyed. I guess, dad may be a worried about me a little bit but mom must have stopped him from reaching out."

-"Well, that's the Seo family for you."

-"Ha ha. You are right. By the way I think this call will come to an end soon. I'll call you later someday."

-"Okay.. take care of yourself. Unblock me and call me soon..."

Before Logan could complete his sentence his voice got buried by a pair of voice calling him frantically, that Lee could recognise as Logan's friends, who happened to be their neighbours as well.

Their tired voice sounded as if they had been running. Between their ragged breaths they somehow managed to say, "Aunty is giving all of Lee's stuffs away to the trash picker! Come quick."

With the last words before the abrupt disconnection of the call Lee felt her senses going numb. With disbelief and shock her already glued feet sank even more into the ground. Seconds grew into minutes as she stood there, unable to move. With a flat line going across her mind she could only hear a continuous extended beep sound in her ears.

When the initial shock settled in her thoughts made a crowd, "My stuff? What should I do? What will I do?"

●●●

"Mom! What are you doing?" Lee yelled as soon as she saw her old books and notebooks piled up in the front yard of the house and a trash picker was weighing some of it in a handy weighing machine.

"Can't you see? I am giving away the trash." Her mom replied with an almost expressionless face while looking over the machine to take notes of weight of every pile.

"Those are my things. Shouldn't you have at least waited for me to come out from the bathroom and ask after that?" Lee fumed while walking over to the pile with big steps.

"You take so long to bath! Not everyone is going to wait for you," her mother frowned at her.

"You should have! These belong to me! You already give away my favourite clothes without asking me! I never tell you anything! But these... These are not trash..," her voice reduced to a whisper, "they are... memories," tears welled up in her eyes as she started collecting her books back from the man quickly.

"How ostentatious," Lee's mother scoffed, "memories? Let me see what kind special memories you have in there," she extended her hands at the notebook lying on the top of the small pile Lee was holding.

As an instinctive reaction, Lee backed away, refusing to let Mrs. Seo touch her notebook. Lee's mother grimaced and held herself back from making a scene in front of a stranger by clenching her palms into a painful fist.

Taking this opportunity Lee collected all her things and took them back inside.

About half an hour or so later, there was a knock on the door of Lee's room. She was anticipating with a nervous heart that her mom will come sooner or later to give her a piece of her mind. Lee didn't want to open the door but when the knock grew louder she made a short run from her bed to the door.

Her mom entered the room in a flash and before she could figure out her mom strode towards her bed and began unloading all the trash from the bin on it. And before Lee could unfreeze from the initial shock her mom was done emptying the entire bin and with the grimacing expression that she had displayed outside before coming back on her face she ordered, "Take what's yours from there. And if I ever see you putting your things in the bin then you just count on me being this kind."

Lee winced at the sudden loud sound made by her mom as she slammed the door shut behind her after getting out.

Lee stood there in the same place motionless. A scream of helplessness and anger tried to push its way out of her throat from the depths of her aching chest but she pushed them further down by physically gulping hard.

When the initial shock of it subsided into a dying sorrow, she turned around and walked upto her bed. Slowly slowly she started picking up the wrappers of the chocolates and snacks she threw in the bin that week. As she was doing so, teardrop fell relentlessly blocking her vision and when she looked at the finger counted wrappers belonging to her on one side and one too many of the garbage on another side not belonging to her, the dying sorrow in her heart revolutionised itself into an undead anger and in that formidable emotion she put all of the that remaining garbage in a plastic bag and wiping the tears she stepped out of her room and walked with long steps towards the kitchen where her mother, her sister and her father were discussing excitedly about Linda's wedding which was five months away.

Seeing her walking into the kitchen area, the smiles on their faces faded slowly. As the others watched curiously, Mrs. Seo opened her mouth to say something but instead she shrieked when Lee began to unload the plastic on the kitchen floor.

"Why you little.." Lee's mother raised her hand at her in an instant rage but Lee swiftly backed away and with her expressionless face and blank eyes directed at them she stated before turning around and walking away, "I took care of my trash, you take care of yours."

●●●

With shaky hands Lee somehow managed to put the receiver down on its place. The air inside the booth felt too heavy to breathe in. It's almost as if she couldn't take in the air even if she tried to.

The grief of losing the things, the material memories, she treasured all her life, weighed down on her chest and she gasped for air to tolerate the agony.

Her legs felt like jelly as she flung open the gate but as soon as she took one step forward her legs gave up and she fell on the ground. Her knees hurted. It hurted so bad.

The pain triggered the tears that were supposed to fall long ago and she wept, "It hurts. Mom... It hurts so much. Aaghh."

She was so preoccupied in dealing with her own emotions that she had failed to notice the rain that had started to fall earlier. Now, as she wept, the rain gained its speed and volume as if it's trying to match the intensity of her inner turmoil.

The rain water dripped through her hair, her clothes, soaking her completely. Even though Lee wanted to get up she couldn't find the energy in herself to do so. So she kept herself there in the same position as few people ran past her to find shelter from the rain. People stared at her from a distance – some with curiosity, some with concern. A few people shouted at her to get inside the shade of the booth. But those words fell into deaf ears. How could she get into the space again that she escaped from?

The involvement of other people became overbearing for her by the growing second, so she tried to calm herself down by wiping away her tears that were constantly getting washed away by the rain. Her vision was constantly getting blocked by the rain water.

As she straightened herself to get up on the slippery pavement, suddenly she stopped feeling the constant drop of water on her and she felt a warm hand on her arm.

Looking up, looking into his eyes, under the protection of the umbrella, her face distorted in the pain she was trying to drive away, as new tears welled up in her eyes. She wanted to hide this side of herself from him so much, she tried so hard but may be in a hidden corner of her heart she wanted him to be there - to see her scars, to tell her it was okay.

And before any of these wishes came to Lee's lips, Namjoon tried to smile softly despite the concern dripping from his eyes, while helping her get up at her pace; and with his ever healing voice he said, "It's okay. I am here."

■□■□■□■□■□■

-> Chapter four

23 notes · View notes