#consider this as my life update

[hihello-pinky]

8:34 PM

in hindsight, there’s no other person you can blame for your current heartbreak but yourself.

if only…

if only you were honest, maybe things would have gone differently.

if only you were honest to yourself and to the people around you, maybe you wouldn’t have to sit through this dinner with a forced smile while you watch suna rintarou hold hands with a girl who isn’t you.

DENY

you’ve always liked suna rintarou. your sister knew it, your friends outside of volleyball club knew it. hell, you reckon that even your parents knew it.

yet you always deny, deny, deny. especially to your close friends and neighbors, atsumu and osamu. you’ve known the twins since you were all children and have seen how they fell in love with volleyball; they even managed to recruit you as a manager for their volleyball team once you all entered inarizaki high.

it goes to say, you ended up becoming friends with the then new-to-town suna rintarou. the twins always made it a point to tease you to him but you were the maser of denial.

sometimes, you think you’re even able to deny to yourself that you like suna as more than just a friend.

that is, until hani nakamura entered the picture.

she was a grade younger, known for her intellect and beauty. even boys from other schools wait for her outside of inarizaki’s gates in the hopes of getting to know her. you’ve managed to befriend her when you both got seats in the student council during your sophomore year.

she’s a sweet person. president of her class, eldest daughter in the family, and a part of the youth council at church. it’s a running joke in the student council how she must have more than 24 hours in a day to be able to manage everything she’s involved in.

you genuinely liked her nice personality and almost everyone will agree that finding something to dislike about hani nakamura is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

“do you like someone, y/n-senpai?” she asked you one afternoon as you’re both leaving the student council room. she wasn’t in a hurry like usual days, the thursday afternoon free for her while you were running late for the volleyball club’s practice.

“that’s random!” you replied as you avoided her gaze.

“neither of the twins?” she curiously asked.

you made fake vomiting sounds. “ew, no, they’re like my brothers.”

“sorry,” she immediately said before sighing. “i’m just curious, that’s all. i mean, you being the manager of a group of athletic boys… how is it? how haven’t you developed a crush on any of them?”

the curiosity in her voice made you giggle a little. “who said i haven’t developed a crush on any of them?”

at that, hani’s face lit up. “really? who?”

and before you could think any further, you said, “you’re free this afternoon, right? why don’t you come to the gym with me?”

8:40 PM

“so,” atsumu begins with a sly smile, his face already reddening from the alcohol he’s been consuming even before the food was served. “when did it all start?”

the couple in question exchange a look and you can’t help but notice how the other people at the table coo over the action.

“she made the move first.” “he made the move first.”

suna and hani laugh after realizing what they said at the same time, earning teasing remarks from the table.

“fucking shit, suna rintarou!” atsumu suddenly yells. “stop looking like that at nakamura. you look so goddamn whipped.”

suna only rolls his eyes as he brings their intertwined hands to his lips and kisses the back of hani’s hand. “if you’re envious, just close your eyes, atsumu.”

another round of laughter.

“but seriously,” aran steers the conversation back on track. “how did it all begin?”

hani dons that sweet smile of her. “it’s all thanks to one person.”

and then you feel eyes on you as suna finishes the girl’s sentence. “yeah, thanks for bringing her to our practice that afternoon, y/n.”

LIE

“it’s number 10, right?” hani said as you both walked home after the practice ended.

you nearly tripped on your steps as you gave her a shocked look. “w-what?”

“the one you have a crush on.”

was it that obvious? you wanted to ask her but instead said, “the one i had a crush on. that was soooo last year.”

“oh. why did you stop liking him?”

you shook your head. “just because.”

“because?”

a shrug. “i don’t think it’s wise for the volleyball club manager to date one of the members. what if we fight? it can ruin the team’s dynamics.”

8:45 PM

“you know what surprises me more than the fact that you’re dating nakamura?” ginjima says as he reaches for another stick of barbecue. “it’s the fact that as it turns out, you’re interested in dating, after all.”

a murmur of agreement from the other team members. suna suppresses a roll of his eyes. “did i ever give off the energy that i’m not interested in dating?”

“yes,” one of the freshmen answers a little too quickly, making everyone laugh with the exception of you. sure, other times you would have let out a few giggles as well but a bad feeling was stirring in your stomach, having a guess on which direction the conversation is heading.

“ah, i can’t actually blame you. i mean, we mostly see each other in the gym and court where there are no potential love interests to be seen.”

you feel osamu shoot a quick glance at your direction as you try your best to stop the frown from forming on your face.

as if the night couldn’t get even worse.

not only did suna announce he’s dating one of your friends, but he also confirmed the thing you’ve been trying not to think of all this time: for the past two years as friends, you often wondered why suna never dated anyone and never acted on the small hints and opportunities you’ve been dropping ever since you realized you liked him as more than just a friend. you concluded that maybe, romance is the least of his priorities.

but his answer just now, and the fact that he’s proudly holding hands with hani in front of the team, splashes the ice cold truth on you: it’s not that he wasn’t interested in dating; it’s just that he wasn’t interested in dating you.

suddenly, you feel like leaving dinner. your mind scrambles to find an excuse to leave but all you can think of is: suna is holding hani’s hand. suna who acts as if he cares about nothing is holding hands with a girl in front of the whole volleyball team. suna is dating hani. suna’s heart belongs to a girl who isn’t you.

and it’s suffocating. you want to at least go to the rest room but you’re glued to your seat, as if the heavy feeling in your chest has planted you on the spot with no chance of moving.

instead, more thoughts flood your mind: what if you had been honest with yourself earlier? what if you never denied to the twins that you like suna? would they have made a way for suna to see you in a different light? what if you were honest instead to hani and didn’t tell her that you no longer liked suna? would she have had second thoughts about dating him? what if you had tried to be as perfect as–

“y/n,” osamu’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts. you look to your right and see him standing next to your seat. “you look unwell. do you want me to drive you home?”

8:59 PM

“i won’t ask anything but you can cry now. i’ll just drive and let you be.”

you close your eyes and let the tears fall. silent, at first, until choked up sobs escape your lips and your body is shaking and you try not to curl in onto yourself but your chest physically hurts that you mindlessly lift your knees to your chest and cry and cry and cry and cry because you know you’ll never be able to call suna rintarou “yours” despite your heart only belonging to him.

part two

#consider this as my life update #i’m brokenhearted and i can’t do anything about it #maybe sight chapter three won’t get finished anytime soon #unless you want a chapter that’s written during a sad point in my life #lol #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #suna rintarou #haikyuu fic #haikyuu #haikyuu suna #suna x reader #suna angst #suna rintarou x reader #suna rintarou angst

[favoure]

i drew ll!scar for a bday banner collab on twitter ! GO LOOK

#goodtimeswithscar #gtws #last life #last life smp #mcyt #favourarts #eeehhhh too lazy to think of more tags lol #im gonna be so real i spedrun him in like 2 days #n u know im glad i did bc now im considering to change some stuff up in my art progress to make it easier for me jdfksdfs #i keep fighting for my life just to finish a piece but now i wanna finish stuff more ... #so i m happy that i drew this ! i rlly needed it after not sitting down n drawing anything properly for like 3 months GUH #okay life update in the tags OVER see u guys in my next piece o7

[superfruitland]

coffee dad f!leo doodles

#i love my boy too much not to post him before his actual in-au appearance #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt future leo #lee's art #heart leo #live life extras #consider this light spoilers if you want HAJDKGNHJ #back to drawing the next update i go

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳 #i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at- #him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know? #and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^ #something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are... #that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!) #the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses! #regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself- #into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here. #the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍 #have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

[deiaiko]

#18.1 Rak

Rak let out a huff and sat down next to Agni. Agni peeked over at Rak, who was looking far ahead, as if his past were replaying right before him.

TW: Self harm and suicide…in a way? (Sorry if it gets too dark. I put the TLDR on the tags)

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"I met him back when I was young, about a hundred years ago," Rak started.

Agni was taken aback at how long the gap between their time travel was. He wondered how much his Rak had changed.

"It was getting cold, which meant it was hunting season. I got bored and picked a fight with the toughest and biggest prey I could find."

Agni hummed when Rak paused for a moment too long, "Let me guess. You underestimated it and you lost?"

"The river was slippery!" Rak crossed his arms defensively. "And I didn't lose!"

"Sure," Agni rolled his eyes, one corner of his lips upturned. "How come?"

"I didn't lose, but I didn’t win either." Rak looked away, probably in embarrassment. "Another spear pierced its head before mine. That's when I met him."

From the way Rak's expression turned fiery, Agni had a suspicion that that exact moment had affected Rak more than what he spilled out. It didn't surprise him however, since he knew Rak’s ego.

"He was around for a while, acting like he cared about me." Rak huffed again, more fondly this time, eyes closed and arms still crossed. "He taught me a few fancy tricks with rocks and how to hunt better. He talked a lot about turtle this and turtle that. There were so many, I don't remember. But Black and Blue turtles were the ones he talked about the most, saying something like 'no one else will be more worthy prey than them.'"

Agni felt his chest tighten. To think that their Rak had acknowledged them and even bragged about it…it filled him with a sense of pride and longing.

"I didn't believe him then, since turtles are boring and no way they could do what he said they could." Rak paused and untangled his arms, eyes focusing and turning predatory, "But when he said that these turtles were unlike what we had there, I have been wanting to meet those turtles he told me about and hunt them."

Rak's story was intriguing. But even if it flattered him, Agni was more curious about his Rak's whereabouts. "What happened to him then? Wasn't he…badly injured?"

Rak frowned and went silent. But when he found his voice, it lacked its previous vigor. "He was. It looked fresh and so impossible to walk with, but he did. I asked if it was painful, but he said he didn’t feel a thing."

Third-degree burn. Agni thought to himself. But there was no way it spread evenly. Some areas must've been painful.

"He definitely lied," Rak voiced Agni's thought. "He was just acting to look tough."

The edge of Agni's lips twitched in an attempt to suppress his smile. That's him alright. And of course Rak could figure his own self easily. 

"One day he challenged me in an all out duel," Rak's gaze turned dark. "His wounds had weakened him over the months, and it was obvious who would be the winner."

Agni frowned at the implication.

Wordlessly, Rak called out his arms inventory which held a familiar looking spear that shouldn't have been in his possession at this point in time. Agni would recognize that design anywhere, "...Mad shocker."

"He said he wanted to test me, and he gave me this." Rak glared at the spear as if it was responsible for his misfortune. "And later told me that I should be proud, for only a true hunter was allowed to defeat him."

Agni felt his throat going dry, and gulped. "He died, didn't he?"

Rak's eyes sharpened. Whether it was in regret or anger, Agni couldn't tell. "I killed him." 

Agni didn't know what to feel about that. On one hand, he could empathize with how much pain Rak must've felt from the injury, especially with the lack of proper treatment that could cure or even just lessen the pain. But on the other hand, it meant that his Rak was truly gone, in such a way, and he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

Rak put his pipe back to invisible mode, like looking at it had brought him so much grief. "I've never used that spear since."

The silence stretched, with only the loud noises coming from the training ground to fill it. Agni wasn't sure how to reply to that without being overly friendly nor physical, and he definitely wouldn't do that to Rak, who only met him today.

Sitting beside Rak like this reminded him of their chat before the workshop battle, on the balcony. It was when Rak truly let him see his buried feelings, his desire to climb the tower together with him and Grace. And with that, the grief finally started to dawn on him. The scar on his face felt itchy and his hand was already clawing at his mask before he registered the motion. He sighed and put his hand back on his knee, pushing the tangled feeling to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. And since the silence had stretched out for too long, he asked; "What was he to you?"

"A rival," Rak looked thoughtful before adding, "and family."

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☕ Buy me coffee ☕

#TLDR: current Rak was good friends with Agni's Rak #They met about a century before current Rak entered the tower #Future Rak is dead #--end of TLDR-- #I do love Rak. but this is the price he must pay for being one of my favorites #ok but did you know that spear inventory is called pipe? i was surprised too #to everyone who was excited last week for future rak comeback...I'm not sorry #it was very entertaining to see your comments (and imagining the despair) hahaha. I thank you for that #anyway. life been very hectic right now. i consider taking a break after valentine update to stock up some chapters #i barely have time to write now. let alone drawing #I'd rather keep my weekly updates than posting once a month. Lest you forget the story and had to reread previous chapter(s) eachtime #tower of god #tog #two sides of the same coin fic #my fic #my art #khun #koon #khun a.a #khun aguero agnis #rak wraithraiser #rak

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 299

cha boy is starting on a cpap machine for the first time tonight

it turns out, that when i sleep, my cringe-ass larynx blocks itself up, and i STRAIGHT UP STOP BREATHING for up to 20 seconds at a time! of course i have always managed to start back up again, but as u might imagine this doesn't lead to great sleep quality

so wish me luck on getting that Good Sleep for once. god gives his toughest battles to his sleepiest warriors and all that.

#day 299 #year 4 #it me #cpap #sleep apnea #i wasnt gonna post about this initially i didnt think it was fun or interesting #and well. its not. #but u know what. when they told me this was my issue i was like Hey Wait But 26 Year Olds Dont Usually Get That #because the only people in my life who are regular cpap users are in their 60s and 70s #and i felt weird and alienated for a couple days while i waited for the machine to come in and like #it really helped me to look up posts about it from people i consider peers #PLUS i always fucking complain here about how i am So Tired All The Time and while i always assumed it was due to my OTHER chronic illnesse #i figured maybe i'd update yall on the fact that it was uh. Moderate Obstructive Sleep Apnea for likely the last. eight or so years. lmao #anyway if people tell you that you snore a lot. and you feel real fuckin eepy a lot of the time. #consider asking your doctor to order you a sleep study!

[papermint-airplane]

I have adulted harder today than I have ever adulted before. I have so many adult decisions to think about and my brain is at the point of super saturation.

I am planning on taking the weekend off from adulting. Like, it's not my weekend to work and I still have a job for 2-3 months at least, so taking two days off to recover from all the drama is ok, right?

Someone please tell me it's ok. 😢

#ramblings #life update #even though i adulted and have a lot of things to consider now #i am no closer to solving my problem #and i feel like it's become several smaller problems now #and they're all kinda swarming me #like ants but not as cool as ants #like fire ants #i just need some time to recharge #and i can't see my therapist again until monday anyway #please tell me it's ok #otherwise i will shut down and then kick myself for shutting down and not being productive

[dqrships]

This is a story about growth, forgiveness, acceptance; about be the best you can be. And hands conveyed it all perfectly.

(inspired by this amazing blog's header)

#bakudeku #bkdk #katsudeku #ktdk #dekubaku #dkbk #or like platonically #but it's about them #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #my art #bnha fanart #i drew their milestones i considered life-changing #and i felt bad for some of it because it's so sad to draw #but i hope i've made it up in the end #prolly will update when we reach the latest part in manga #idk what this post is #sobs #i tried to be phillosopical by trying smth new and it backfired in the end because wth is this lolsob #please forgive me hope you like it bye :')

[connectedspace]

as fun as that was, and i would never stop doing fun gift art for the world

its disheartening, and hurts, to try and get engagement from people. to struggle to get asks for weeks. and i know im not the most active blogger, but as soon as i offer free art, i get swamped with asks. where is that beforehand? i dont know what to say entirely, it just makes me depressed. the fact that people are so quick to jump on my ask memes but wont talk to me or this blog otherwise. i dont know what to do

I don’t want to tell anyone that it’s bad to ask for it, or that it’s bad to receive it. Because that’s not what I’m trying to say. But it just sucks to get low engagement and people only interact with you to receive art, often without giving you anything in some way. It’s fine if it happens sometimes, but it’s exhausting when it’s repeated. It makes you feel like people only want you for free gifts that you put time and effort into but won’t give you the same effort

I guess I’d just like to encourage everyone to send regular asks to each other, even if it’s on anon. That’s all I’d want to see not even just for myself but mostly for others

#again I know I’m not super active or have the most posts #but I’ve had this blog for 3 years and have been in the community since 2018 #again it was really fun but considering that I barely get anything for my regular Mundays and have to make regular ask calls #I guess I’m not really asking for much #even if people giving each other stuff like equal attention is my ideal #but I suppose if this trend keeps continuing and I post less stuff like the drawing meme #you’ll know why #I have an ask answer ready to post tomorrow too #my life has just been crazy but Khaos has always had such a chill blog to update #im quite shy and I know I’m not very outgoing but I’ve been around for 5+ years and this just keeps happening #I’m not blaming anyone either or anything this isn’t targeted or whatever #but I’m just already dealing with stuff and I wanted to say something finally #I don’t like making posts like this but I guess I deserve to be able to for once #this is also not the first time it’s happened it happens with a lot of memes I post that are art related so yknow

[kourocs]

im still in lawyer hell teehee;! also peep the sticker designs i sold at a local con quite recently :) vv

#patchart #ace attorney #life update !!! uhm i might be boothing more at cons :DDD i rlly want to try making more merch people wont normally see at cons here bc #the market is rlly oversaturated with certain fandoms ^^:: my interests r considered obscure here but im aiming for comic con !! so #theres a higher chance of meeting people with wayyy more similar interests :D #anyway yes uh this is my monthly checkin . (i barely even log on monthly jfdkdbgkjdbf)

[kinokoshoujoart]

cora’s bad time hell simulation steps or how to play “sprite station for girl” “harvest moon ds cute” the wrong way

(all ways are wrong this game is Accursed)

ok so here’s what my disorganized “guide” to myself for harvest moon ds for girl (aka indecipherable notes i wrote to myself as i played and revised as i tested various things and restarted due to mistakes) looks like. at some point when i become a real gamer i will write a legible guide meant for eyes to look at but uhhh this is how i play this accursed game personally

i’m not sure if anything i wrote will make any sense since i wrote it as notes to myself so probably definitely use fogu and fc2 jonason wiki (may not work but some pages should be archived) instead

ALSO if you’ve never played or barely played the game it won’t make sense at all! hmds was my first harvest moon so i am used to various horrors!

my play style is probably not fun in general HOWEVER if you are a grinding hell goblin like me then it’s GREAT!!!! if not you may still find it amusing that the game gives you permission to play like this

(it’s a great background task game while doing like productive stuff but otherwise playing this way would probably be unbearable)

(image limit)

anyway after that the days go a lot faster, you’ll get the island on summer 1, so on spring 30 i put all my money into million G tickets and sell 200 of em, do the 5x money thing, and save the rest. so when thomas comes the next day to sell you the 900 million G island you can just sell 180 tickets and do the 5x money thing again with like ~600 million G tickets left over. it takes up inventory but you’ll get the shelf in a few days. basically you just need to remember to order from the TV shopping every saturday and place orders with gotz and gray whenever they finish stuff.

random tips

after unlocking the fuckass hot spring sprites (the ones that require you to spend a total of 700 1 hour sessions in the hot springs) i usually grind grazing points— if you put your animals outside for 5 hours you get a “Love Point”, but if you interact with them after they earn that LP then the timer switches over and you can get another LP after 5 more hours. if you wear the time ring the whole time it’s 2.5 hours. i’m not very good at explaining this but basically if you’re super efficient you can get way more animal LP than you realistically should, which is great because the touch glove petting minigame is Bad!!!!

i usually wait on getting the rest of the purple sprites (the ones that require you to hire the purple team and ask for healing) until i’m totally done with the indigo team, cuz i wanna get HG’s purple heart event asap, but you can switch the order if you want

by summer y1 you’ll basically have a feel for everything. aside from Skye, Leia, HG and WP everyone can be married early-mid autumn if you want

if you want to Gay (in the japanese version only) keira is the quickest to marry. leia is the quickest to max affection but it’s impossible to get leia year 1 because the bottle you need to fish up can only be caught in spring. you have to wait until at least year 5 for WP and iirc year 6 for HG.

#i’m really sorry i can’t make this more organized #if i literally ever have time i’ll just make a video guide instead of pasting this because it’s easier to explain with visuals…. #i can’t Write in an organized way i can only Visual Medium #i have a very complicated relationship with corobuckle station for girl #it scratches my brain #(derogatory) #(positive) #i have no idea how many hours of HMDS i’ve played in my life but it’s definitely the game i’ve played the most of all time #i’ll just paraphrase something i read on a japanese wiki for hmds/koroste a long time ago: #’i once again feel that the effort required for the completion of the task is unreasonable’ #god i really hope ds gets a remake so all of the titles you can get in the mailbox become steam achievements #bokumono #if people find out there are achievements that take at minimum real life decades to complete with basically no reward #gamers will lose their minds and society will collapse #‘trying to accomplish it is like trying to collect a sparrow’s tears #so at some point it may be inevitable that you have to give up trying’ #i really think the devs saw the ds could handle higher values than gba and went insane without considering balance at all #currently i’m trying to record as many cutscenes as i can in the jp version since y’know. english translation is very awkward #i am also trying to see if the pastor carter/cardi marriage option exists in the english version of cute #i will update so stay tuned for that if you want sex on the phone with pastor cardi b. i guess

[thecowboykatsuki-anon]

Well I almost made it a whole season without going to the ER 😂😅 I’m mostly okay, another bruised spine injury has me wishing I was dead but incredibly lucky I didn’t break or fracture anything this time.

#in other news I have an irregular heartbeat apparently?? #and the hospital discovered a 5cm growth on my ovary during scans #which considering my mother is currently rapidly dying of cervical cancer is very scary #but I’m determined to stay positive! #life updates #I hope to be back to my usual self on this blog soon

[isa-ghost]

Hm ok not sure how to write this post but it's a fun thing and I've been wanting to gush about it for weeks. Uhhh

Achievement Unlocked: Finally found something that's pushed me closer to agnostic than atheist??

Basically, I was seeing an obnoxious, totally inexplicable amount of hawks and corvids in my area irl, especially whenever I was stressed. So I asked all my witchy friends about it (one was straight up born into a coven, it's fuckin sick 🤩) and they sent me some stuff those animals symbolize.

And then I asked about what deities/entities they're associated with. They sent me a short list, so I started looking into each one to see if I felt a strong pull to any of them. One of them was Apollo, the Greek God of [A Lot of Cool Shit]. Right away, I clicked with him. The god of truth, prophecy, healing, the arts. It's all stuff that matters a lot to me. I especially found it fascinating he's said to be a protector of the young, and I, a psych major, want to be a therapist of some sort (read: healer) specifically for teenagers. He's also Known for being incredibly bisexual, and even though I'm pan, my sexuality is still a huge part of me. And a lot of other things about him clicked with me too, both big things like my career goal and my identity, and small insignificant things like the fact that he's a Sun God and I'm a Fire Sign. There were way too many coincidences and connections I was making to myself while reading about him to just think nothing of it. Most damning of all, hawks and corvids are said to be his messengers. If that wasn't a "Hello Isa I've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty" moment, I don't know what is. So I said fuck it, I'm gonna give working with him the way my witchy friends work with their deities/entities a try.

It's been like three weeks now? And I haven't done much but I'm really happy about the concept of it all. I see hawks and crows a lot still, especially when I'm stressed or upset (One morning I was getting roadrage omw to school and I shit you not, I watched a hawk land on a street lamp and there was a crow sitting on the very next one. I couldn't help but laugh). I got myself a necklace with a crow on it because I don't really have a space to do formal practice type stuff. And last night I had my wife do a tarot reading for me, and the gist of it was "you have a budding relationship, it's a good thing and it'll help you, nurture it with all the creative freedom you like and be chill about it." Which is basically what I've already been doing.

But my favorite part of this wild ass development is that I realized while reading up on Apollo that my whole life I've thought of or spoke about something and then it either happened or something related to it would suddenly show up in my life right after. I don't believe in ✨️manifesting✨️ and holy shit I'm not calling myself psychic whatsoever, but this weird coincidence thing has been happening to me as long as I can remember and I've been noticing it even more after looking up Apollo, both irl and in my dreams. I think Apollo's dodgeball being my favorite Tumblr meme before this all happened to me is making a comedic amount of sense now.

I'm still pretty skeptical of most religious practices because I just. Am one of those people, I guess. And I had Catholicism shoved down my throat by my dad as a kid, AND I'm queer, so I have a Bad relationship with the concept of religion as it is. But this feels right, and it's fascinating to me, and the idea that these weird happenstances in my life could be a figure that represents several things that make up my core values and my identity trying to get my attention feels really touching. It feels like something wanted my attention so badly, and I've been happier since I gave it a chance.

TLDR: After consulting my witchy friends about some weird shit that keeps happening to me irl, I did some light research and figured out I feel a strong connection to the god Apollo. He represents a lot of things that matter to me and the concept has made me a lot happier recently. And I'm pretty sure he's given me minor dodgeball privileges. I'm finally invested in some form of religious practice, and best of all its one I kinda get to just make my own because it's not an organized one.

So if yall need a dodgeball thrown at something, maybe I got you. 👈🏻👀👈🏻

#yeah i don't even know what to tag this as #a life update? maybe? idk I'm just happy about this and wanted to share #also this development has been rlly funny bc i can't help but picture Apollo as Vax from CR 💀 #I'm considering having my witchy friends help me learn how to communicate with him to ask him if that's okay 😆 #idk if i were Apollo I'd be flattered tbh. Vax is a hot disaster bi with corvid symbolism too #i wonder if Liam did that on purpose bc Vex reminds me of Artemis too. huh. #anyway yeah I'm trying out personal practice stuff :] and it's been going good and I'm enjoying it although I'm still sorta skeptical

[sapphicautistic]

like it turns out i dealt with having a pretty restrictive diet + being very poor by cooking for myself and it turns out if i can't do that for like three months straight i experience significant distress hahahaha

#restrictive diet meaning like. a lot of things make me sick and there's a lot of other things i can't eat for Autism reasons + im vegetarian #not like ''on a diet'' #but still just in case #ed tw #negative cw #also like yes i have cooked like twice but the thing is. that's not a lot when you consider i have to eat multiple times a day #and it's been MONTHS #i will hopefully delete this breakdown later lolol i just really need to not be alone with it right now #updates on my boring life

[bumpscosity]

my primal eye permababies who have way more emotional baggage than they should

(Violet and Fungus respectively)

#plague primal #fungus has a villain arc in his future maybe violet is the key to stopping him she's pretty well adjusted all things considered #i guess i wouldn't say VILLAIN he's been rejected and treated like a freak his entire life and he has magic powers like of course he's #gonna snap #fr #flight rising #sassy speaks #his magic is creating drone-like dragons out of thin air that do what he wishes #but i'm debating on wether or not he should gain the ability to mind control people too #idk i haven't worked on my lairs lore in like a year every dragon here needs a bio update #once everyone has bios then i'll go into character arcs and stuff

[damienthepious]

if you're still listening to t/p/p with serious interest at this point i genuinely would like to offer my condolences holy shit.

#like lmao/???? get well soon i guess?????????? oh my GOD #elle babbles #we're gonna FRACK the FANTASY <3 also ableism isnt real we just did that to make u STRONKER <3<3<3<3 #also so sowwy you're begging for your life but what about consider that i don't want to update my resume?