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caelum-in-the-avatarverse · 4 months

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Hello! I’m trying to collect seminal fanworks for different fandoms, and figured that it would be a good idea to ask you for any for atla since you said that you’ve been involved in writing fanfic for the show for so long. Basically, I’m hoping to find any fics that are widely popular within the fandom and/or have laid the groundwork for certain aspects of fanon. I’ve already got Embers by Vathara down for this since I’ve seen influence from it pop up pretty often, but I’m a bit new to the fic side of the fandom so I wanted to know which other ones were out there. Thank you!

Hmmm. Well, I can probably point you in the right direction, BUT there's a few things about me you'll want to take into account.

I have always had incredibly niche tastes. Even back in 2009 I was way more interested in reading about minor characters than I was reading about the main cast, and I preferred genfic over shipping. So the fics I read didn't tend to get popular, and the fics that did get popular were usually shipfic and thus I didn't read them and wouldn't be able to track their effects on the fandom. I also haven't regularly read ATLA fic in years; I write it, but I'm way more interested in my own OCs and worldbuilding and headcanon sandbox than most fic these days, so I'm not sure what the current trends are or where they came from. Most of the things I point you towards are going to be very old and possibly forgotten.

That said, I think your best bet is going to be figuring out where the hangout spaces were and who the major players were in old ATLA fandom and going from there. @loopy777 and @piandaoist may be able to help us out here too, especially since I only joined the fandom after the finale aired; they were around long before that.

So, where did the original ATLA fandom and its fic live? Well, for the fic, mostly on FanFiction.Net. You're lucky in this regard--I don't think there were any big independent fanfic archives for ATLA. Harry Potter was around at the same time and had several big fic sites, but HP was older than ATLA, so places like Sugar Quill and FictionAlley were founded around 2001. FFdotnet was founded in 1998, but back then it was pretty commonplace to build your own personal place on the internet. By the time ATLA aired, though, I think FFdotnet was becoming the go-to fic place. And old ATLA fandom never seemed to have much of a slash fandom; if it had that would've been more incentive to start up a separate slash-focused archive, since m/m would be especially vulnerable to purges. So as far as I know, no one felt a need to establish an ATLA-focused fic website, and if they did it never got very big. You'll probably have some good luck seeing what was popular if you just go to the FFdotnet ATLA section and sort by number of reviews and check the dates on what you find.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are going to go looking for this stuff, you need to keep in mind that you are looking at a past internet that is very different from what you might be used to today. For all that purity culture wankers like to complain, AO3 is a dream compared to the olden days. Now, you can see a fic's tags and warnings (or that the author chose NOT to warn) before you even open it. That was not possible or expected on many other fic archives. FFdotnet only gave you so many characters to write your fic summary, that was precious real estate. Sometimes people warned for things in author's notes, sometimes they did not. The culture and etiquette around warnings was different; in many fandoms back then, failing to warn for character death was seen as way more upsetting than failing to warn for rape. Check the rating, the summary, the author's notes--and then understand that you might still run into a completely random sex scene halfway through the fic. Was every fic like this? No, of course not. Most of them weren't. But you have to understand that this is an unavoidable risk. If you can't handle the idea of stumbling across some underage Zutara smut, this might not be the project for you.

Oh, and mind the citrus scale--lemons mean sex, limes mean the characters don't go as far as having sex.

And FYI, it's been ages since I've read anything I'm about to go over and I can't remember the details, so yes, this warning applies to anything I recommend here, too.

Other places to check...well, fandom lived on LiveJournal back then. I'm not sure if ATLA fandom was very affected by Strikethrough and Boldthrough; like I said, there didn't seem to be a lot of slash fans back then. But you could probably go trawling through old journals and communities and see if you find anything interesting... Oh, and back then all fanart would've been posted on DeviantArt, that was pretty much where fanart lived back then. LJ didn't have native image hosting, you had to use Photobucket if you wanted to post any images on there, and why do that when DeviantArt was RIGHT THERE for your fanart.

Ooooh, here you go, FanLore has some lists of ATLA fan spaces, lots of which are on LJ and DA!

There was also AvatarSpirit.Net, but they shut down ages ago. I archived a lot of the threads before it went, but I basically skipped the whole fanfic forum--everything in there was probably on FFdotnet, and no one really left comments on the fic threads, so it seemed pointless since I was pressed for time.

I think that pretty much covers the places. So what about the people?

Well, off the top of my head, I think one fan you might find useful is AvocadoLove (haha your names match). She wrote a lot of fic, but her most popular by far was Another Brother, which I believe was the original Zuko Joins The Water Tribe story, so that trope can be traced back to her. AvocadoLove also kept what might've been the fandom's most prestigious fic reclist, which you can still see on both her LiveJournal and her DreamWidth:

LJ 1 | LJ 2 ||| DW 1 | DW 2

There's a lot of popular fics on this list. Be warned, though, that a lot of them have disappeared, especially if they were posted on someone's LJ instead of on FFdotnet. A few years back I went down this list archiving everything I could, and the number of error pages I hit was saddening. It's possible some have been reposted to AO3 so you can go check there.

Going off this list...

Enslaved by sharkflip--This was a popular Zutara fic, Zuko's the one who got enslaved lol. Extremely different worldbuilding from canon, I gave it a read once and it was interesting.

Mai's Ramblings by @loopy777--Oh my GOD I forgot this existed but it's great. Unfortunately ASN is gone and I have no idea if they're posted anywhere else, LOOPY TELL US, but these were just hilariously stupid rambles by Mai on every ATLA ship imaginable. Did they have a big effect on fanon? Unsure. Were they beloved by the ASN community? YES.

Stormbenders by Fandomme--Another super-popular Zutara fic, people loved it, so it's possible it might've affected Zutara fanon?

Water Tribe by Rufftoon on NoSelfControl--Okay, so this is a long webcomic about "what if Zhao survived the Siege of the North, got amnesia, and the NWT begrudgingly took him in?" Very popular with Zhao fans back in the day. The really cool thing about this is that Rufftoon was actually an ATLA storyboard artist, so her artwork looks a LOT like the show. I believe she made Water Tribe as a sort of personal practice for long-term visual storytelling or something. She did lots of other ATLA art too, you should check her out.

Oh, speaking of webcomics...

Plight of the Freedom Fighters by SioUte and PFFbySIO--The first webcomic was a "how to make Jet survive" story, the second followed the Freedom Fighters after the war as adults. SioUte was the Freedom Fighters BNF back in the day.

And while I'm thinking of it, not a webcomic, but sylvacoer had this whole not-really-Zutara story going on that was literally Blue Spirit/Painted Lady.

*thinks* Look, when it comes right down to it, unless there's stuff going on in the shipping subfandoms that I'm not aware of, I don't think you're going to find anything that directly established as much fanon as Embers did. There were plenty of other super-popular fics, sure, but most of them focused on shipping, and worldbuilding wasn't quite as important. Embers put worldbuilding first and foremost, and therefore it was easier for the fandom to pull from as a whole.

Uhhh let's see what else...at this point I'm basically just throwing whatever I can remember being interesting at you, lol, idk how much of an effect any of this really had.

DJNS wrote a bunch of fic with interesting premises, some shippy, some not. The Zuko/Aang roleswap AU was pretty cool.

For me personally, the biggest influences on my writing were Dark Puck and Rebecca Hb, specifically their Dai Li fics. They had a circle of friends on LJ who put out some good stuff.

*thinks* Yeah, I think that's all I've got for now. Hope that gives you a starting point! I'd also recommend, as you trawl through FFdotnet, checking out the authors' favorited fics in their profiles, you could probably find more interesting stuff that way.

Idk, I'll add more later if I think of anything. But if you start with AvocadoLove, I think that's an excellent starting point.

#asks #fandom history #ancient fanfiction #fanfiction #fandom #caelum rambles

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xelasrecords · 2 years

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The Worth of Gifts

Han Jumin x Reader

This is basically a love letter to Jumin because that one line that he said in his route lives in my head rent-free. Waking up at 6.30 am on the weekend just to write this was worth it.

Words: 1.4k

Masterlist Read on AO3

"I have brought a couple of things for you, my love." Jumin rushed in a flurry of cold wind as he entered the bedroom that you shared together, his navy blue coat billowing behind him. He settled down a horde of shopping bags on the bed that you were lounging on. They had lined both his arms up to his elbows and you found it curious that he was doing the hard work alone, without the presence of a trailing assistant nearby.

You had been on your phone engrossed in your favourite TV series when Jumin came in. Immediately, you sat up straight and scanned the bags of different colours and sizes that were strewn across the bedding. "A couple of things?" You raised your eyebrows at him. "I don't think I would define it that way. Which dictionary are you using? Maybe I should get one too to understand you better."

"A dictionary? I'm afraid I don't have one ready at my disposal. I calibrated my purchase decision based on the number of things I wish to give you, and these barely count towards anything." Jumin was about to expound on it more when he saw your face lighting up with mischief. "Ah, you were teasing me."

You gave him a playful shrug. "Maybe?"

"I see." His lips curved into a sly smile that matched your own.

You took account of the things he got you. They were things you had mentioned in passing or had pinned on your Pinterest boards and saved in your wish list. It was astonishing that he remembered everything. That he remembered and thought to gift them to you because he thought it would make you happy.

Throughout your life, all you wanted was to be known, to be seen by someone who loved you and someone whom you loved back. And here he was, showing you how much he knew you so casually as if it was a given. This love language of his, although it overwhelmed you at first, was something you could learn to get used to in time. You had never been pampered lavishly before, but hey, there was a first time for everything.

"Jumin, love," you started.

"Yes, darling?"

"Why did you get me so many things?" You looked at him in awe. "I appreciate everything you bought me. I mean, do you know how long I've longed for these?" You shook your head while peeking into the bags. "You are something else, Jumin. But I have to wonder, why of this magnitude?"

"This isn't anything. I can do so much more for you."

"I know, but why?" You pressed, genuinely curious.

Jumin wasn't one who would deflect from sensitive questions that came from his beloved. Like you, he wanted you to know everything about him. He was secretly relieved that the both of you shared the same desire. He couldn't imagine being with someone who couldn't care less about his more vulnerable side.

"If you must know, it's because that's what everyone expects from me since I was little," he said, his head tilted down almost imperceptibly. You didn't miss it, and you detected a slight tremble in his voice nearing the end of the sentence.

It tugged at your heartstrings seeing him like this. Carefully, you pushed aside the shopping bags and crawled towards him. You came to a kneel in front of him and swept your fingers through his tousled dark bangs. "You don't have to prove your love to me through material means. My love isn't something to be earned or bought. You deserve to be loved simply because you exist." You took a breath, diffusing the anger that burned in your chest at the unfair expectations Jumin had to live up to since he was young. No kid should ever shoulder that kind of responsibility, and that included corporate heirs. "I love you for being the Jumin that you are."

He raised his eyes on you, and you found his gaze faltering, unsure. It was a silent urge to go on. "Think about it. Think about how our relationship first developed. In the beginning, I was interested in you because you're smart and funny in the most unexpected ways. Then, I saw how caring you are towards your friends and family. How you offer unwavering support for them despite being the butt of their jokes most of the time." You brushed the back of your hand against his cheek and he leaned into your touch.

"I just did what I had to," he muttered.

You couldn't let Jumin throw out more self-undermining statements. For someone so confident and self-assured, it hurt to see that he felt the need to cover up this part of him before his own friends. "You have that sense of duty because you love us. Deny it as much as you want, but it doesn't diminish the truth. You know, it surprised me how non-judgmental you actually are despite the firm personal beliefs that you hold. You let other people be themselves, and that's what I want for you, especially when it comes to this relationship." Your hand found its way to the back of his neck, compelling him to raise his eyes to you. "Don't ever think that you can only be accepted if you provide enough things for me. You are enough. I'm happy with you even without them."

Jumin was silent. When you were talking with such ferocity, you didn't notice that you had inclined your body so close towards him, near enough that your noses were touching.

Jumin rested his forehead against yours. "How do you always know the right things to say?" he breathed out.

"I only see what is already in you." You pressed a brief, tender kiss on his lips, tasting the cold air from his earlier excursion outside.

"Thank you for reminding me of your love," Jumin said, his expression an earnest reflection of how he felt about you.

"You can always ask for one whenever you need it. I'm your endless supply of support."

"What would I have to give in exchange for this dubiously free support?"

You grinned. "Nothing, I'm naturally generous! Just press the button and I'll come running spewing out motivational speech. I won't stop until you wind me down."

"Wind you down," Jumin appeared to be in thought before continuing, "like this?" He stole a quick peck on your neck.

Instantly, you felt heat rising up your cheeks. "Hey! That'd just wind me up," you scoffed.

"Then I'd have to do it more often." He attacked you with tiny kisses all over your face, nose, chin, and jaw, and trailed down to your shoulder. You burst into laughter, pretending to pull away from him but bringing him down on the bed with you instead.

The shopping bags around you rustled. Jumin toppled on top of you and you could feel the fabric of his dress pants rubbing against your bare thighs. He was smiling and man, your heart was taking flight on its own. This beautiful, beautiful man. You could never get bored of looking at him. He was above Greek statues. He was real.

"I love you," Jumin said quietly.

"Funny. I feel the same way." You tapped on his nose. "But we probably should get these out of the way if we want to do more." You gestured at the sea of bags lying nearby and wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. "I don't want to ruin these gifts you procured for me with blood, sweat, and tears."

Jumin sighed. "Must we? I can just get the replacement for them later."

"We absolutely must."

"Fine." He was about to push himself back up when he halted. "Wait, I have to clarify. Do you mind if I still buy you things?"

You propped yourself up on your elbows. "Of course I don't. You're allowed to shower me with love, only don't do it to prove your worth to me."

Jumin took a second before replying. "Earlier, you expressed your wish to understand me, but you seem to have understood me well. Sometimes even better than I do myself." He chuckled to himself before training his eyes on you again. "I want to understand you deeper too if you would let me."

That wasn't even a question. "Once again, you're allowed, Jumin." You dragged him into another kiss, the mess around you be damned.

Buy me a glass of something that's definitely not coffee because I can't stand it but it is the website's name if my story touches you in some way? No worries if you don't. I'm still grateful you've read all the way through here.

#jumin x reader #jumin han #jumin #jumin x mc #mysme jumin #mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger #mm jumin #mm #mystic messenger fanfiction #mysme #jumin han fluff #mystic messenger imagines #xela writes #jumin han comfort #jumin han fanfic

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allthefujoshiunite · 5 months

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Hi, Nora....My friend and I made a list of ace and aro characters from BL, and then we get to Love For Sale. We think Sieon is aro, based on he never regret his previous relationships until he is with Namwoo. And how he felt so indifferent about them. But what do you think? Also, do you have any BL characters that you think are ace or aro?

Great question! And thank you for giving me a chance to talk about Sieon. I'm always happy to do so. If you want the tl;dr answer, I don't consider him to be one. However, as is always the case on Wild Wild Web when you express a thought or preference, people take it as me condemning all the other thoughts/preferences. So here's a PSA: if you consider him Aro, good for you! You can interpret him however you like.

Also, lots and LOTS of spoilers for the uninitiated.

As for how I read his character. I think Sieon is hard to understand for a lot of people because they expect him to be either this or that and try to put him into categories he doesn't fully belong in. It's one of the reasons why I'm so enamored with Love for Sale as a whole, and Sieon in particular. Dal Hyeonji, even though this is their first commercial BL work, does an absolutely fantastic job in this character study.

Back to the point. When the story was still being released, I entertained a similar idea myself about him that, maybe he's demiromantic. Not a romance-aversed aromantic, but still a part of the spectrum. Then I kind of abandoned that as well.

We are a melting pot of our environments, cultural codes, family, and our characteristics. That's why most of the time, it's hard to make out whether you've become something due to some external force or you were that something before anything else. A very lame example would be, do I find red lipstick sexy because I find it arousing, or is it because it was marketed in such a way that I am conditioned to think it's sexy? Similarly, it's not always easy to tell apart whether your feelings are genuine, you feel like you have to feel certain ways towards certain people, or something impacted you in such a way that you don't feel a certain way anymore. I know I'm being vague but hopefully, it'll make more sense now.

Sieon, having to shoulder her mother's emotional well-being and their reversed parent-child roles, has found himself in a position where he seeks gratification through the things he can provide to his partners so he can feel 'needed'. The comfort he can provide for his partner becomes his purpose to be in that relationship. I was throwing him bombastic side-eyes very early into the story where he never expressed any type of preference and was very evasive whenever Namwoo tried to probe. Naturally, it was quite frustrating for Namwoo. As for me, it was as if Sieon was trying to erase himself from the relationship and be there for Namwoo as a combination of 'bank account + lips to kiss + a hand to hold' and blend into the ether as a person.

That's also why his relationships ended the way they did. He knew his mom wasn't happy, and even if he tried to alleviate her pain, it ultimately didn't work, thus, the one last good deed he could do for his mom was to let her go. To not be greedy. To not be selfish and say "I need you, don't go." This is the root of his letting go of his exes 'too easily', rather than him not 'loving' his partners.

Here's where things get tricky. Ideally, a romantic relationship requires you to be vulnerable, communicative, diplomatic, etc. Ideally. But none of us are exempt from carrying our baggage with us into the next relationship, no matter how big or small. In that sense, should we say that just because Sieon hasn't been perfectly vulnerable or has been avoiding conflict, he was never in a real relationship before? I don't think we can.

One of the moments my heart ached for him was during his conversation with his close friend. He reiterates it later on when they're having the talk with Namwoo, but he desperately tries to convey that, no matter what his partners felt, whether they were satisfied on their own account or not, he was always genuine. Has always been. It may not fit the mold of grandiose, shouting-from-the-mountaintops, I'd-swallow-a-sword-for-you kind of love we are constantly sold in the romance genre, but that doesn't mean he isn't capable of love either. On the contrary, I think he does look for romantic companionship, but he just doesn't know how not to intellectualize his feelings.

So, in my opinion, "he didn't love anyone else before Namwoo" is not exactly the correct way to read him. Up until Namwoo decided that he was going to hold onto Sieon and 'show him a selfish love' in Sieon's mom's words, their relationship was following the pretty much same direction as the others. At first, Namwoo is content with what Sieon provides, but then he develops feelings for him and expects Sieon to return them in a way he can't. The same old story that is bound to end with a break-up.

Emphasis on 'in a way he couldn't'. The way I read it, his way of loving is different from what others deem as 'romantic love', so he's convinced that he can't reciprocate others' feelings. If that's love, and his feelings don't look like that, then he must not be in love after all. And when Namwoo shows Sieon that it's okay to be needy and selfish at times, and it's okay to be vulnerable and honest, we see that was the wake-up call he needed all along.

The verdict? If you consider his past partners through the "he wasn't able to genuinely love them" lens and interpret his "not being able to reciprocate romantic feelings" literally, you can think of him as an aromantic who's not really averse to dating. But as I've tried to elaborate, rather than not feeling romantic love, he does feel love and seek companionship but doesn't know how to handle conflict and can't break free from the behavioral patterns ingrained in him in childhood.

About aro/ase characters in BL. There's only one work that comes to mind which, interestingly, makes asexuality/demisexuality one of the core themes it explores and that's This is Love by Ziki Masaya. I have reviewed it before (click me) and I highly recommend it! I can maybe mention Sangwoo from Semantic Error, but then again, I think he's just autistic and his approach to romantic love for another guy is different from his normie boyfriend Jongchan because of that. I can't really think of any other works with Aro/ace characters as there's always romance/sex involved. Or maybe I just haven't paid enough attention! Let me know about the list you two came up with ~

PSA: I added the intro because the original link needs you to login to Lezhin as it's a Mature title, but you know the drill. Read on the official platfrorms!

#allthefujoshiunite answers #love for sale #dal hyeonji #bl manhwa #yaoi manhwa #lezhiin #spoilers

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redwineconversation · 11 months

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AUS - FRA Postgame Thoughts

Straight up this is not going to happen for every WC game because I had to drag myself out of bed at 2.30am for this, and that is not happening on a daily basis. Kudos to those who are chronically online because I legitimately felt like death all day at work having been up that early. Though maybe those who are chronically online have no jobs. Who knows.

I'm also only going to review the Lyon players because I don't watch AUS players enough to pass credible commentary on them. Know thy boundaries or something.

Anyway, here it goes:

I kind of want to start with the scuffle between Le Sommer and Kennedy, even though it's not the main talking point of the game. Le Sommer doesn't lose her cool really easily. In fact, the only time that really comes close to what we saw on Friday was a game in 2019 against PSG, where the frustration with repeated bad calls from the ref started to boil over and Le Sommer's patience started to run out.

We saw echoes of that in the scuffle with Kennedy. Kennedy wasn't exactly "defending" per se, and the ref had been letting a lot of AUS fouls slide (and I'll talk more about that in a bit) while calling them on FRA. It wasn't the first time Kennedy's defending was questionable, and I think, honestly, that Le Sommer was just frustrated.

And I really want to emphasize it takes a lot for Le Sommer to get frustrated at an opponent. I've seen her snark at her teammates for making the wrong choices, and I think that's fine. Good, almost. Hold your teammates accountable for making the wrong choice. But I've rarely seen Le Sommer lose it at someone that's not on her team.

I want to say Le Sommer is professional, but to say that implies that Kennedy is not, and that's not an argument I am willing to make. What I will say is that the referee did not have control of the game, and that had consequences. So I get Le Sommer's frustration in that sense. (Old) girl just had enough and it boiled over.

I want to touch briefly on Carpenter. Apart from a couple of moments - her drive forward in the first half, crying after Bacha's injury - I actually wasn't sure she was even on the field. Granted, it was in the middle of the night, but for a few minutes, I actually wondered if I had missed a substitution. (I only realized I hadn't when Fowler scored and she popped up on the screen during the celebrations).

At the risk of sounding controversial, that's actually a good thing. If I don't remember the defender it means they were just keeping their head down and doing their job. I know Carpenter can make runs, I know she is a good defender. But she is at her best when she is just doing her job, not anything fancy. I don't remember her doing anything out of the ordinary, which means she was doing her job well. I will take that trade.

Renard played decent. Again, she didn't really do anything flashy, but I don't expect her to. I expect her to defend but more importantly I expect her to defend without doing anything that stands out - except, I suppose, her duties as captain.

And I guess that leaves me with Selma Bacha's injury.

As I said to someone privately, sometimes it's really hard to assess Bacha's injury spur of the moment. I don't feel shame in admitting this - she's dramatic and will overplay an injury. When she first went to ground, my initial reaction was simply to roll my eyes. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

It's when Bacha reached for Renard's hand while on the stretcher that I realized something was actually very, very wrong. The thing is, Bacha is dramatic but what she is not is vulnerable. Crying, reaching for Renard's hand, I didn't see the multi-Champions League winner at 22. I saw a scared kid who just wanted her captain to stay by her side and tell her things would be okay.

The good news is the initial reports say no fracture. The bad news is - at the time of this post - we don't know if there isn't any ligament damage. Best case scenario, it's "just" a twisted ankle, we all collectively pray that France and their Hot Coach make it out of the group stage and Bacha pops up in the next round.

But that is the best case. Contrary to Twitter Medical Experts - and LORDY do you guys not understand the restraint I am showing in not naming and shaming - it is more likely that we are facing a different scenario.

And that's partly on Carpenter's reaction. It's weird, really, that I am basing it on how she reacted to the foul. She wasn't near Bacha or Raso - who, I just wanted to point out, fouled Bacha six (6) seconds from the end of the game, where Bacha was nowhere near goal, and Australia was already 1-0 up. Anyway, on screen, Carpenter wasn't anywhere near it.

But the camera cut to Carpenter as Bacha was taken off the stretcher, and Carpenter was in tears, and I thought to myself, ah, shit.

Carpenter's not super emotional on the field, either. I think the only time I have seen her cry was when she tore her ACL in the UWCL final back in 2022. The kid doesn't really cry on the field, not even after a loss (and lord knows Lyon doesn't process losing like a normal team). But to see her wipe tears from her eyes, visibly distraught, I think that's when I fully realized that what happened to Bacha was really, really bad.

Carpenter doesn't cry. She wasn't anywhere near the foul when it happened, and she was still crying.

I don't think we learnt a lot from this game that we didn't already know. Herve Renard is hot expects his rules to be followed, no exceptions, which is why Majri didn't play. Becho, to my surprise but no one else's, did decent when she came on as a substitute. France doesn't have a midfield and hasn't had one since Henry was exiled. France has exactly three (3) defenders, one was captain, the other was playing LW, and the other was a RB who stayed on the bench.

And at some point Australia transformed from being a punchline to being a team we should take seriously. Do I think Australia will win it? No. Do I think they will go deep? Ehh, probably not. But I do think that if there is any team who will deliver on #UpsetsWelcome, it will be Australia. So I guess it's a give-and-take.

Finally, I'd just like to thank Carpenter for delivering #LyonBros, which is the real reason why I set my alarm for 2.30am and felt like death the rest of the day.

#all good love stories start in the rain #Ellie carpenter #selma bacha #amel majri

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blocksruinedme · 1 year

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Okay so this is what I decided not to post on an ask about Jimmy's namemc skin spoiler

but then left some of the text there!!!!! Incredibly embarassing! so now that i've accidentally put part of this out... here you go.

Scar loves Buff Scar, right? We all love Buff Scar. But I get emotional about the buff scar skin, for bummer reasons??? I would up talking about Buff Scar on the ask post and it turned into me finally writing out thoughts I've been having about myself and my health and... what I feel when I think about Scar? I say I "have health issues" and I have no looked up any definitions of "disabled" and idk that I do... physically it's mostly chronic pain and bad GI stuff (seeing a new specialist next week!)

But this personal and it's kinda heavy and I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, and it's... talking about another person's health while talking about my own, so I'm going to put this behind a cut. I don't want this thrown in anyone's face, and I think it's the most vulnerable thing I've posted on this account. And the first time I've ever turned off reblog.

I often get weirdly emotional about buff Scar, cause that image? That is something he must have have and lost. From hearing about his swimming career as a kid/teen, fuck. My dude would have been BUFF in the chest and arms and also shirtless a ton.

He was only 16 when he first got sick, I had thought it was 18 for some reason. It's nothing compared to Scar's situation, but I have a lot of health issues and... I don't think I project, I emphasize but it's more, idk that it's representation but maybe a little, honestly I don't know what it is, but I expected hearing him talk about his stuff hits different for me than most people who are fully able bodied. It just does stuff to me.

I watched part 2 of his imp & skizz podcast recently, and it's the most I've ever heard Scar talk about himself. People can get really weird when talking/thinking about other people's health, and I don't want to be doing that, but it was very emotional to listen to him talk about his dreams and plans that his health got in the way of. It's not like I'm in a wheelchair, but there's a really major thing in my life I can't do because of my health and I'm grieving it still. It's only been two years, and I'm doing my fucking best to not dwell and live the life I can have instead, but fuck. It's genuinely a really big deal (that I am not at all ready to talk about outside close friends.)

mood shift! i wrote this out of order and i'll cry if i keep dwelling on it.

A friend told a little anecdote about people (lovingly) commenting on Scar's choices about health and his creative work, and I did not react as they expected. I go (internally) ballistic when people say that kind of thing to me, like how I shouldn't write if I have a bad pain day?? Do not tell me how to manage my pain! This is my life and my body and you can never understand it, I barely can. I do not want to be infantilized, ever, but especially when it comes to managing the parts of my life that suck the most. Sometimes we take risks with our health because we decide it's worth it, because you have to have joy in life, not just life. Every time I get in the car I'm risking my life, y'know? If writing gets me through pain, that's what it does! And that's not even risky. (I spent 6 hours in the ER working on "whatcha gonna do?" because i was going to go insane sitting there waiting to find out if I had a stroke (i didn't)).

So we people with ill health have to figure out how to balance things. There's no "I'll wait till I'm healthy to do that", it's not like we're got a stomach virus. Everything is a compromise. If someone wants to finish uploading a video before they go to the hospital, maybe it's because of an skewed life/work balance, or maybe they're putting their self worth in places-some-people-would-call-wrong, or maybe they just don't want to worry about the fucking video and get the joy of "i've just put up a thing" while going off into a shit situation. I don't know! You don't know! "Put your health first" is pretty complicated, actually, when your health is *never* going to be "good" and there's too many options and you can't know what might work. People will sometimes hear something that's going on and say "are you going to go to the doctor?" and it's like... I can't go to my pcp everytime something like this happens cause then I'll be in all the damn time. It's not worth it. I am getting some kind of medical care every week.

When I went to the ER... so I had a really weird episode that might have been a migraine but the symptoms didn't quite match up with the general list and were concerning. All the symptoms went away after I laid down. I eventually got convinced to go to the ER to get checked out - and then, do I run out the fucking door in my workout clothes? Do I pack up stuff I want to have? Do I do that but also take ten minutes to eat something? What's the right choice? In the end everything was fine, but I'm always happy to get some clean imaging to have in my file. (in this case, brain mri and brain ct scan, w/ & w/o contact. the mri tech said i should get a frequent customer punch card when i said it was my 5th time in that mri. lost my shit. it's been <1/year but still.)

Scar talked about how early on they were chasing the cure and then you get to the point where... doesn't look like there's going to be a cure, this is fucking forever, and it fucking sucks. A friend just got that yesterday with a chronic fatigue syndrome diagnosis, and... now they know this is it. I'm still chasing a cure, or a way to keep things in remission, with my god damn gut biome. My current GI MD said "this is all i can do" and for some reason I let that stay? I never would have let a friend just give up - but I wasn't thinking of it that way. It is SO HARD to go and advocate for more medical care when you have so many things going on.

To be super clear i 100% think of myself as "barely in chronic pain" and "not really chronically ill" and "definitely not disabled".

Anything can become normal. For good, for ill, for weird.

Anything can become normal.

#me #no reblog #but if for some reason you really want to share some of this text talk to me

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amariss-613 · 2 years

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재등장, bts | scene 03: looking back

{resurfaced, bts}

summary: the biggest group in the world has their scandal resurface as the former female member the world thought was done become the best new artist of the year at the grammys.

face claim: yeri of red velvet

original is on archive of our own: amariss_0613, and wattpad: amariss_amaryllis, just decided to publish it on here~

this story mentions non-consensual things and includes some mentions of drugs, depression, and sasaengs.

. . .

scene 03: looking back

chapter summary: "TAEHYUNG! JIMIN! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE, YOU IDIOTS!"

playing: kidult | seventeen

heng:garæ | 2020

|no ones pov|

"we will be certain to provide extra security and protection when touring or in paparazzi, if it makes you feel safe, ye-jun. the safety of our artists will always be our top priority as you already know." hitman bang said, slowly rising from his seat as y/n mirrored him. "thank you for everything, i know that i'm probably a little paranoid after the recent death threats against me and the rest of the group so thank you for trying your best in dealing with all of this." y/n sighed, bowing towards for boss, who did the same after. "i'll be heading back to the dorms now, goodnight." y/n walked out of his office, towards the elevator to go down to her studio and get her belongings.

everything was different this time compared to the normal death threats that they had regularly received, especially y/n. she would find photos of places that she had privately gone to with her family or her date spots with the boys on social media with captions threatening her. it was all happening less than a month away from the WINGS WORLD TOUR, bighit had done a lot to find the group of people who were doing this, but the accounts would always be deleted a few hours after the posts. y/n knew that they would do everything to blacklist these people, she trusted her company and leader with everything.

y/n didn't expect yoongi and jungkook to be waiting in her studio for her to get back from her private meeting with hitman bang. they knew that she had been paranoid about the recent threats, so the boys and the company agreed to have yoongi and jungkook join y/n home when coming back from the company without her acknowledgment.

"what the hell are you guys doing here, i thought you went home 2 hours ago?" jungkook held his laughter seeing y/n's adorable-shocked face as she stared at the two just casually sitting on her couch. "yoongi-hyung wanted to stay a bit longer to work on some solo projects so I decided to join him." "oh are you planning to release it soon?" y/n asked walking to her desk and gathering the tote bag full of her essential belongings. jungkook could only hope that she believed their lie as yoongi gave him a side glance while responding to y/n, "i don't know if i'll have time, the tour is less than a month away, and we're gonna be busy with it til the new comeback in september. I'll probably ask the company about it." y/n was yoongi's biggest supporter when he released his solo mixtape last year, she even helped him compose the last, which was one of his most vulnerable songs in the mixtape.

jungkook was the first to reach y/n and wrap his arms around the little of her waist and shove his face in the crook of her neck, while yoongi stood up and admired his two lovers. "hm, let's get going jagi." y/n smiled while rubbing his back, "please, i really want to see the rest of the boys."

|seokjin pov|

"TAEHYUNG! JIMIN! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE, YOU IDIOTS!" they had made a fucking mess in the kitchen and accidentally set a towel on fire, and they dared to ask me to clean it up. before i could reach them to kick their asses and take away their kisses and cuddles tonight, the door had opened with y/n, yoongi, and jungkook appearing, causing jimin to crash into taehyung and me following suit. "what did they do this time?" yoongi asked, closing the door behind him as y/n and jungkook helped all of us off the floor. "they tried to burn down the dorm while i was showering, i didn't ask namjoon to supervise because he would probably get caught on fire and didn't ask hobi because he would join them or end up getting too scared to do anything." jungkook was the only one with a smirk on his face, as he was going to be the only maknae to have his kisses and cuddles tonight, i could just sense it. "i swear you two are a bunch of 22-year-old man-children." jungkook smugly commented, walking off to his room to probably get changed. "you too should also go get changed while i make the rest of the maknaes clean as i make dinner." y/n was the first of them both to walk to her room. as i watched her, i felt yoongi back hug me as he whispered into my neck, "she believed us when we told her that i and jungkook stayed behind to work on some solo stuff." "that's good, hopefully, she doesn't find out anything. she's already as stressed out about the situation as we and the company are."

|no ones pov|

"seokjin, you need to teach me how to cook during our free time." y/n complained while savoring the dinner made by said male. "yeah, even taehyung and jimin could join you guys!" hoseok spoke, pointing his chopsticks at the two males who almost burned the dorm that cost way less than the money they made while asleep. "ok, we get it." jimin pouted, continuing to eat his food, while taehyung just stared at hoseok. "well, i heard that all of the tickets were sold out for the concert, the company believes that around 550,000 seats were sold worldwide," namjoon commented.

'WINGS' was the first comeback to give bts actual international success, of course not that they would have REALLY needed it after 'i need you' and 'run'.

"wait really? we'll have to try harder now!" jungkook elated, hopping out of his seat. "well, we're pretty used to trying even harder than we expect." yoongi said, standing up and walking towards the sink, putting his dirty dishes inside.

"well, i and hobi are gonna go start our long night skincare routine date, so don't cause any trouble maknaes." y/n stood up along with hoseok, grabbing his plate and putting it in the sink before running off with him to her room.

"hyung, your older than y/n and hobi-hyung, i think your gonna need to start joining them." "YAH, AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE A 13-YEAR OLD WHO BARELY HIT PUBERTY!" seokjin pointed at jungkook, "that's it, you're not getting your cuddles and kisses tonight either." seokjin very furiously put his plate in the sink and started walking to his room. "w-wait hyung, not my cuddles and kisses!" jungkook sped walked to seokjin holding his arms out in front of himself to try and convince his older lover.

"well at least you guys can be together at night." namjoon sighed, referring to jimin and taehyung, "you all could have a maknae cuddle night," yoongi said, also retreating to his room for the night.

"goodnight jiminie, taehyung-ah." namjoon kissed both goodnights before heading to the mini-studio in their dorm to probably get some work done for their album that was to be released later in the year.

"let's go see how bad gukk is sulking," tae exclaimed, hoping that maybe jungkook would ask both boys to give him his cuddles and kisses for the night.

____________

Hope you enjoyed the new chapter of this story <3

{Updates are (at least) once a month if get lucky}

#bangtan #kpop #bts x reader #bts poly

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memdearltrash · 2 years

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Prologue P1 Ambrose & Dearl

"You need not fear me youngling, I swear on my treasure hoard that you are safe now."

The poor girl is trembling, her tiny frame is being absolutely engulfed by tremors the likes of which no young child should ever have to experience. You, of course, are a massive and intimidating dragon. It is no doubt that you are terrifying her just by being here, but you couldn't just sit and watch her die from afar anymore.

"If you'd just calm down, I can take you back to my lair. I have plenty of food there, albeit much more suitable for a derg than a human, but that will only be temporary."

She has been out here for a couple of days, you aren't sure where she came from. You were watching her, not thinking much of the situation, but now that you're in front of her.. You just need to get her out of these mountains.

She isn't listening to you, she is too scared. Maybe even a touch delirious. She won't listen to you like this, so you are going to have to resort to drastic measures. In a puff of wind and smoke, you shed your dragon form and take your bipedal one instead. Sighing in horrible embarrassed anguish, you kneel down next to the shaking form in front of you.

She looks a bit less frightened, but only a bit. In an attempt to back away from you further, she stumbles, exposing her face. It is pink, and covered to the very last edge in freckles. You notice also, how her breath is visible in the air despite the temperature not being quite cold enough to allow it. The seasons are changing, yes, but winter has not yet begun.

You extend your arm to the child, opening yourself up to her. You make an attempt to be vulnerable with her, perhaps if you make it physically known that you have lowered your guard it will calm her further. It seems to work, to your delight. The girl looks you in the eyes, and her breathing looks to be slowing just a tad.

"Hello there, young one."

You smile softly, her eyes are large and doughy, like that of an oblivious animal.

"Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. I did not take into account how you may react to my appearance, so give me the chance to start over."

She untenses. You're beginning to wonder if approaching human children in dragon form was ever a good idea. After a brief assessment of the situation, you come to the conclusion that it wasn't.

"My name is Ambrose, and I would like to help you. Would that be okay?"

It takes a minute or two of silent staring, but with time the child does approach you. She sways a bit as she walks, you were probably right about the delirium. She stops right in front of you, possibly to examine the potential threat, and finally you get a good look at her from up close. She looks human, but she has horns and gill slits, most likely an orphaned hybrid child, how depressing.

Just as you fear your staring contest with her may never end, the girl speaks to you.

"My daddy is gone and I don't know anybody else. I was just trying to find something to eat." The shake in her voice makes your heart sink. "I didn't mean to look on your territory. Please- I'm really sorry."

So her parents are gone.

She still thinks that you are angry with her. It's about time you change that.

She tenses the moment you touch her, but after you've scooped her into your arms she softens back up again. She clearly wasn't expecting this, if you are being totally honest with yourself neither were you.

"You are safe now, it is alright. I forgive you for encroaching on my domain. I am not going to harm you."

You decide, begrudgingly, to carry her back to your lair like this. It is inconvenient and demeaning, but the poor girl needs rest and comfort and you are determined to give her that stability. It has been a rough few days for her after all, so much so that she's practically falling asleep in your grasp.

She says one last thing before dozing off.

"Thank you."

#dream realm #the dream realm rp #mod chips #writing #dnd character #siren oc #dragon oc #dearl denewulf #dearl #ambrose #small writer #small writing #small writing blog #small art blog #small artist

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chaiforthought · 2 years

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Today on "Lord of the Lunchbreak"

We are revisting Fellowship of the Onion Ring 🙃

As expected the soundtrack slaps

Special effects hold up surprisingly well given how old the movie is

I really like the amount of poems and some they integrated from Tolkien's writing

Aragorn has a really nice voice, can't belive I forgot that about OG childhood crush

The moth who was born and died on the same day of filming its iconic role is adorable 10/10 very fuzzy bab

Definitely wouldn't recommend Uruk Hai birthing ASMR, the sounds of mud are gross af

The stone trolls have such cursed faces

Ok I know they technically replaced Glorfindel but Arwen's entrance is so ethereal and beautifully shot that I can't complain

Asfaloth is such an epic name for a horse

In this essay I will discuss the classical inspirations that Tolkien drew from in using the symbolism of horses and water when flooding the ring wraiths

The palpable relied I felt hearing Gandalf's voice again in Rivendell

Every time I see the eagles I frantically fight the urge to book a ticket to New Zealand

The color grading in the Rivendell scenes make it feel so cozy and safe

Bilbo still calling it Mirkwood 👀 I sense someone is holding a grudge

In Bilbo's handwritten copy of his book he has maps and drawings of Thorin's harp and swords and that devastates me

Always elves and taking no accountability for their actions. Sir if you were there the day the will of Men failed then why didn't you shove Isildur into the volcano and save us all this trouble??

I love the instant bro status Aragorn and Boromir adopt in their first meeting. Underrated friendship.

Maybe I'm just dumb but I feel like the shards of Narsil should be left for just any rando to pick up and toy with.

The pained look on Aragorn's face as he carefully puts the hilt back on the dias 😫

Should we discuss how desperately PJ tried to shoehorn Thorin into an Aragorn mold with the parallel scenes in Rivendell where they bemoan the weakness of their ancestors and fear for their own future...or nah (Bilbo being the parallel to Arwen in the Hobbit bonus scene if you know what I'm hinting at)

Why did Elrond choose to seat the Woodland elves right next to the Ereborean delegation, that is such bad hosting etiquette

That Bilbo jump scare was equally as terrifying and unnecessary watching it 20 years later

The musical transition from Concerning Hobbits to the Fellowship theme was so flawless

Boromir bonding with the Hobbits and teaching them how to use their swords 🥲

'My cousin Balin would give up a warm welcome.' YOU KNOW WHAT IM SURE HE WPULD HAVE

Seeing Gandlaf plow a path through the snow with his staff really makes me wonder how me got it back from Saruman

I wonder who had the job of covering all the actors in snow

Never let it be said that LotR isn't funny. Gandalf struggling to open the Gates of Moria is comedy gold.

Cthulu? What are you doing here?

In love with how art deco Dwarven architecture is. Regardless of how shifty the Amazon series is, I hope we get to see Khazad Dum in its prime.

If Gollum has reflective eyes, and was a relation or ancestor to modern Hobbits, does that mean Hobbits have night vision?

Am I to assume the dwarf holding a book with a knitted jumper was Ori??? Because I did and now I'm sad.

The scene at the bridge of Khazad Dum manages to establish tension better in 3min than most Marvel movies can in am hour

My Haldir simp goggles are stuck so hard on my face i don't notice any other elves

The tear tracks cutting through thr grime on his face, his vulnerability and honesty, his empathy for those around him...that is what makes Boromir a good character. He is no lesser for being scared, especially after years of fighting to keep Mordor at bay.

Well fuckity, the Sean Bean curse strikes again

No you didn't fail, you snapped out of it in the end. 'You kept your honor' BYE IM GONNQ GO CRY IN A CIRNER NOW

Sam I know you made a promise but you are a hobbit and you cannot swimz

Frodo going I hope they find a safer road while the rest of the fellowship trot off to rescue Merry and Pippin.

They end the movie with hope and resilience. Bc Frodo may be the ring bearer, but lowkey Sam is the true hero that the everyman can relate to.

We will be back with more musings when I start Two Truffles

#long post #lord of the rings #LOTR rewatch #this was compiled over the course of the week as I watched parts of the movie on my lunch break #im finishing the last hour ish now that im done with work :D

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the-overboss · 8 days

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Meet the Overboss

22 years old :: He/Him or They/Them :: 18+ Only

Just your average overly sex-positive, kink-positive, Fallout blogger. I started this blog to have a way to interact with the Fallout fandom --- especially the Fallout 4 fandom --- in a way that wasn't just my Discord server.

As stated above, I'm 22 years old! I'd like to keep this blog minor-free, both because of how NSFW the things I post about are / will be, and because I have zero interest in talking to anyone that isn't an adult.

I have an Archive of Our Own where I write stuff! Check it out here: Chosen of Atom.

I have a very heavily modded Fallout 4, as seen in the above image, so expect any screenshots I upload to feature gratuitous masculinity more reminiscent of a Tom of Finland portrait than of the 1950s aesthetic the franchise is based on.

Here's some fast facts about me:

In the base game, I tend to side with the Institute or with the Brotherhood of Steel the most. No offense to the Minutemen, or the Railroad, but they just don't strike my interest as much: it doesn't help that I find the Railroad to be all-too-incompetently-led thanks to Desdemona, and I dislike Deacon because of his constant lying.

When accounting for the DLC, I tend to side with the Nuka-World Raiders the most. I really wish there was a mod that let you complete the base game with them, à la America Rising 2 with the Enclave. I tend to keep the Operators and the Pack around, while discarding the Disciples: though I'd really like to be able to keep all three of them around.

My original characters are all self-inserts of me. My main one is Overboss Diego, the leader of Nuka-World. He's the Chosen of Atom, and has been gifted with various abilities thanks to his divine patronage: namely radiation manipulation, including radiation vulnerability manipulation, mind control, and lust control. Unlike in the game, he did manage to keep all three Nuka-World gangs around, and while he still has Nuka-World be built on slavery, he actually struck a deal with the Commonwealth's factions: he only enslaves convicted criminals and raiders that the Commonwealth sends to him. He does this, not just to keep Nuka-World in the 'good graces' of factions by entrenching them in politics, but also to make sure he can build up a force of the 'undesirables' of the Commonwealth. There's a lot more that goes into it, so you can read his sheet HERE.

By day I'm a student, currently finishing up my bachelor's before starting my master's in applied sociology this fall (2024).

Please block me if you're a minor, have trouble separating fiction from reality (do NOT take this as me coming out as a proshipper, I'm not), or you just aren't comfortable seeing what I post around. It's okay, no hard feelings!

Yes, I do worship Atom. Yes, I'm a pop culture pagan. No, I don't advocate doing anything dangerous with radioactive materials.

Speaking of the things I post, you will never find children or children-appearing characters in any works I feature. To me, children do not exist in Fallout: my interest lays very strongly in the adult men and women of Fallout. I may have slavery, mind control, and dub-con feature very heavily in my works, but far be it from me to include anything that isn't 18, or that doesn't pass the Harkness Test. This is also why I don't consider myself a proshipper: while I am much more keen on displaying morally objectionable things in my works (slavery, mind-break / brainwashing, manipulation, dub-con [arguably, some of my works fall into non-con? But I don't explicitly see myself as writing that]), I do believe that not everything needs to be shown --- much less glorified or romanticized --- in fiction.

Besides Fallout, my major interests are Overwatch, Wizard101, and Guild Wars 2. I have only ever really played Fallout 4, and while I did try to get into New Vegas, it just didn't appeal to me.

Thanks for reading all of this!

#meet me #meet the writer #new tumblr #info #about me #information #fallout #fallout 4

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theliterarygnat · 26 days

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Reading Summary: 28. April, 2024 (The Hunger of the Gods, Chapters 12-28)

CHAPTER 12 | GUÐVARR Dreading this chapter hard. Hated the character so much in The Shadow of the Gods that I expect this to be as tiring as Elvar's chapters, if not worse. pg. 102 Okay, so this isn't all that bad, actually. I like how he is self-aware, for the most part. Would have loved for this to continue with Mord's death; he should've reminded himself that he killed Mord dishonorably. Mord was immobilized and vulnerable, trussed up by someone else. That was a coward's kill, an easy kill, and it would be nice to see Guðvarr have the balls to admit that to himself as well.

pg. 103 Was "and crotch" really necessary here? Really? I hope this is supposed to be foreshadowing something fucked up going on between Guðvarr and his aunt, because otherwise this just seems to be another instance of Gwynne's obsession with testicles.

Also, since the audience is used to italics being used to signify a character's unspoken inner thoughts, I don't think adding dialogue tags there is necessary, especially since it had been explained how and why Guðvarr does this. A better use of dialogue tags here would be giving an impression of what Guðvarr himself thinks about the habit and how it manifests. Like "he added bitterly" could help gain an insight into how he's feeling, or "his thought-cage supplied" implies that the insult was thought automatically and without Guðvarr's conscious input. Granted, my examples are shit, but I'm also not a published novelist or a writer. But if we are to use dialogue tags here, they should either add tone or add context; otherwise, 'he thought' is a waste of words. A reviewer on Goodreads did point out that Gwynne tends to overuse dialogue tags and I do agree. It is rather choppy and not really insightful when it comes to the tone or how the characters act, giving the dialogue a flat affect.

Worst thing is, Gwynne does drop the 'thought' dialogue tag further down this page, so I don't understand why he'd keep it here.

pg. 104 Ah, another instance where Gwynne reuses the same/very similar phrase very close together. This time it's "bound wrists and ankles". In the same paragraph no less…. divided by a whole one line…

How did Vol speak with such clarity if there was a gag in her mouth? Sólín gets "aksentéd dialogue" because she lost some front teeth but Vol just speaks perfectly well through either a rag or something else stuffed into her mouth? Nuh-uh.

pg. 105 They have the concept of hell? I mean, we didn't really hear about the afterlife these people believed in besides the Soul Road, but I find it strange that Gwynne didn't say 'Hel' or use a variation of any of the other underworlds that can be found in Norse mythos. It does feel like an oversight frankly. Also, "she-bitch" is redundant, since 'bitch' is already female by default, on account on being a female dog. "She-bitch" makes no sense; a 'she-devil' would have worked fine in this sentence, which makes me wonder if the original sentence was 'A she-devil from hell' that got clocked as too modern or unfitting for the setting, so someone during editing changed 'devil' to 'bitch', without taking the stupidity of 'she-bitch' into account.

Is Guðvarr a good man? No. Is he even all that complex? No. But somehow, he is more enjoyable to read than Elvar. Wow. I dreaded this chapter for nothing.

CHAPTER 13 | VARG So much leaping and howling. Are there really no other words you could have used?? Like 'Varg scrambled to his feet' or 'his blood boiled, a deep, beastly hiss in his ears' (which isn't even all that good) or 'Varg's blood gurgled in his veins, as though shaken by a wolf's growl'. Is that a little cheesy? Sure. But so's all the howling.

I don't know why exactly, but this chapter has been rather meh to me. Not necessarily bad, but lacking the charm that Varg's chapters are usually imbued with. It might be because of the action scene that took up most of it; though I did like the detail with the helmet strap being messed up again. It wasn't all that funny, but it did put a smile on my face.

CHAPTER 14 | BIÓRR pg. 120 Inconsistent hyphenation strikes again…

Also, again, because of who Elvar is as a character, I simply do not see why Biórr would fall in love with her, or care. Like he says, she was happy to live a slaver's life, and while he doesn't know what Elvar is doing now, there wasn't anything really worth liking about her before she became a typical conservative slave-owner. Biórr feeling regret or any emotional attachment to her honestly cheapens his character for me; I was in Elvar's head and there is fuckall going on there. What does he see in her? I feel like Gwynne wrote himself into a corner here a little. It's distracting that Biórr is longing after a cardboard-cutout of a slaver, but Gwynne also cannot really have Biórr thinking about what he likes about Elvar. It would give context to why he likes her, sure, but it also would distract even more from the story, and make Biórr seem weaker-willed than he already appears to me. Writing Biórr this way is a lose-lose situation in my eyes; Gwynne could have written a significantly more compelling character if Biórr truly was removed from the Battle-Grim on an emotional level. Gwynne already is competently writing Guðvarr (somehow???) so I think it would have maybe worked with Biórr.

I have to admit to a fault of mine in understanding the last chapter from Biórr's perspective, I think? I have thought that, at the beginning of Chapter 9, we have already crossed the Isbrún Bridge and left that region of Vigrið, mostly because of how time supposedly had passed. And I thought at the end of Chapter 9 that we were returning in direction of Oskutreð to kill Ulfrir immediately. But apparently not? I'm somewhat tempted to blame the text for being written awkwardly enough to lead me to that conclusion, but I think in this case I'm the idiot who just didn't understand. I'm taking the L on this one.

CHAPTER 15 | ORKA pg. 131 I do rather like the bit with Lif and Vesli. Lif has a solid characterization that goes really well with his background. Solid guy.

Although the prose with "a soft, sucking sound" was a rather awkward. The more I pay attention to Gwynne's writing the more I notice just how weak it sometimes can be. It's not the best to read, and it's not really imaginative. For example, in Varg's chapter, when they go into the meadow and there's sheep running, I would have loved for the environment to be better described. There isn't any atmosphere, any mood, any sense of the world or what it looks like; just character x and y doing things and events happening around them. Combined with the writing style, it doesn't paint the picture of a living world, nor is it particularly immersive. This book is already chunky and honestly maybe even clunky, and I do not believe the story necessitates the length.

CHAPTER 16 | GUÐVARR pg. 138 Ah, would yoou look at that? This ties perfectly into my point on the prose not being the best. We didn't need to be told that Guðvarr thought the italicized phrase and refrained from speaking it; one would imply the other. A better-flowing sentence would be "Guðvarr thought to himself, knowing better than to anger the hard-looking man with cold eyes and scarred hands."

pg. 140 The dialogue tags strike again. Too much 'said', too many tags in general. Also, instead of doing the stupid "'With my life,' Guðvarr said. Never with my life, he thought." why not just have it be "'With my life,' Guðvarr lied easily." If the dialogue tags weren't used so abundantly and awkwardly, then the original version would have worked; but because the dialogue tags already feel cluttered and clunky, this type of 'he said, he thought' combo is a little grating.

pg. 141 I. Don't know how I feel about the people of color in this world apparently being Slavic? Like I thought that they were described as 'darker-skinned' because they were tanned, their climate warmer, since there is much sun in the Balkans and Central Europe. But. 'Crow-black'? Not to mention the way their hairstyles to seem to me to be inspired by Manchurian queue (since the Cossack oseledets isn't braided like described in this book). This hodge-podge does make me rather uncomfortable. Like, if you are including people of color and want to give them "ethnic" names different from the "ethnic" names of Vigrið's people, then use the languages of the people that you based the aesthetics of the culture from, instead of pasting another ethnic group's culture on top?

pg. 143 Hmmm… I think that's a little redundant. There is already a clear implication that Guðvarr does not care what happens to the others as long as he's safe, considering he is "relieved that it wasn't him" who was to follow the Galdurfolk into the tower. I think that thought could have been shortened to "Or perhaps it won't, but truth be told I don't really care" without losing anything. In fact I think it would be clearer/less repetitive.

pg. 144 Damn. Did Guðvarr and Vafri fuck??? Poor girl.

Also, why write that sentence like that? Just ssay "The female Úlfhéðnar stepped closer to Skalk" instead of dividing it so awkwardly. It's such stilted prose.

pg. 145 Honestly, with how much attention Gwynne tends to pay to the every-day disgusts of medieval life, I'd have expected him to actually talk, or at least mention, the air being hard to breathe in Queen Helka's chamber, since the smoke from the torches cannot escape on account of the room being windowless. I'm actually a little hung up on that detail now. How are people there breathing?

CHAPTER 17 | ELVAR Elvar, how are you more frustrating and disgusting than Guðvarr?

I really don't want Elvar to take Agnar's place as the leader of the Battle-Grim. Without Grend her ass would be grass many times over; her achievements hardly feel hers when she'd been dead without an oathsworn protector to save her.

Also, the gods don't really have the presence of gods. It's part of them constantly transforming, for one, plus with how easy they are to resurrect and tame. Why is resurrection so easy, anyway? Why isn't there a bigger struggle, a greater sacrifice necessary? Why is magic just so easy?

pg. 159 Well, Elvar is not really proving Huld wrong with that petty ass attitude. I can see Gwynne trying to add depth to Elvar's character but that is in many ways too little too late. This growth, this depth, should have been present and explored in the first book, especially when the Battle-Grim were in Snakavik, where Elvar and her father could have talked, where Elvar could have proved better than Thorun, where Elvar should have been brimming with emotion and anger and rage and be constantly reminded of her past. But she wasn't. She was swaying and weak and considering returning until somebody else had to tell her that her father, whom she knew was a conniving and manipulative ass, was probably not being genuine in his offer. She also should have seen him handing her a warband just like that as an insult! He had not seen her in action, he knew nothing of her reputation; he just saw her with the Battle-Grim and leveraged her past and current desires against her. She should have been livid. She wasn't. She was tempted. And nothing happened between then and now to make her grow and suddenly gain this depth. This is an inept handling of her character. It reads more like a reaction to the poor reception Elvar's character got.

Frankly, if the first book had been a meal, Elvar would have been a medium-cooked, unseasoned chicken. Her portrayal in THOTG is the equivalent of being given a spoonful of salt and pepper after one already had been forcibly fed said chicken.

CHAPTER 18 | ORKA The banter is fine. Not the best, but fine, not as comedic to me as to the characters, which is alright. But god, the length of that sentence as Orka and Ingmar fought on pg. 168… no thank you. I did toy around with adding periods into it and frankly, it got better. Some 'ands' and -ing verbs can be removed or swapped out, keeping the speed of the action but making the passage less exhausting to read.

CHAPTER 19 | VARG Well, Varg, I hope you get to live up to that promise, and fuck Elvar the hell up if y'all ever meet.

CHAPTER 20 | ORKA Why are the brynjas always splitting and falling apart. No matter how well made they supposedly are, they literally never seem to offer any protection. Also, since most if not all Raven-Feeders proper are Tainted, why the fuck is it so easy for Vesli and Lif to kill one? We keep being told that the Raven-Feeders are a great danger, but on-page they are weak, constantly dying in greater numbers to lesser combatants. They feel like a joke; not like anything actually scary. It's difficult to take them seriously, and as such I don't really care when they appear on page. I feel no fear, no sympathy, don't see the stakes in the fights against them.

Also, the word 'land' exists. The word 'crash' exists. There is enough modern language that there is no need to use 'alighted' every single goddamn time Vesli or Spert land somewhere. It's repetitive and distracting with its frequency. It also lacks any mood or gesture. Do they land softly? Do they crash into bodies in a battle? Do they drop on the ground gracelessly? Everything is written so flatly, including much of the dialogue, which isn't even punctuated correctly. I feel like this book needed one more round of edits at least to make sure the grammar and punctuation were decent, the language more varied and captivating.

CHAPTER 21 | GUÐVARR pg. 186 Yeah, this really needed another editor just to check over the formatting and punctuation. There is a misplaced comma outside of the quotation marks during a dialogue. The flat affect is also at its highest hear. Everyone's bellowing and yelling and shouting, but there are no explanation points, creating a dissonance between the tone and mood of the dialogue and the dialogue tags themselves. It's rather unfortunate that the prose--surrounding the dialogue especially--is so weak here.

pg. 193 "palpable, like a physical thing" ah, yes, what wonderful prose; definitely not at all redundant and repetitive. Why is the writing so unimaginative ToT I'm fucking weeping. What is this??

CHAPTER 22 | ORKA Literally what is the reason for Vesli/Spert's dialogue being italicized only sometimes. Why is that not consistent.

pg. 200 If Myrk is smirking as she speaks, then there is no need to end that paragraph with "Another smile." since she is presumably smiling throughout the dialogue. It's so unnecessary. Likewise, there was no need to specify that Myrk was the one speaking. If Gwynne had used any other dialogue tag besides 'said', then perhaps that choice would have been justifiable. Maybe he wanted to add mood, establish tone… but no. 'said' is used, which is unnecessary and redundant here. As am I, with how often I repeat that something is redundant, but that is a testament to the lack of technical skill displayed in this prose.

CHAPTER 23 | GUÐVARR pg. 206 Too much 'follow'. I get what Gwynne wanted to achieve on some level, but it doesn't sound as good on the page as one might have hoped. It'd have been more fitting with a description of distance, giving us a mood and visual.

"Guðvarr followed, Yrsa close at his heels." this feels oppressive, like Yrsa is hounding Guðvarr, cutting off any escape with her body, not giving him a chance; an intimidation tactic.

"Guðvarr followed, Yrsa marching three steps behind." professional, at a distance, a cold disregard and hatred towards Guðvarr; or hinting at some different duty, perhaps there to stop Guðvarr from running away. I just think these two options would have been much evocative than "Guðvarr followed, and Yrsa followed him." Like, I get it, but getting it isn't good enough to excuse that flatness.

pg. 207 "Skálds" are capitalized, for some reason. That wasn't the case in the previous book at all, nor really in this book before now. The more I read the more does this book feel like an unpolished product. It really needed an outsider's eyes to catch on the formatting issues and the weird inconsistency going on.

pg. 208 "He felt Yrsa's presence behind him." "Guðvarr gulped, tried to take a step back, but Yrsa's solid presence was a wall behind him." "Guðvarr followed, a little reluctantly, but Yrsa's presence behind him felt like an unseen hand, pushing him on." In case you didn't get it, Yrsa's presence was behind him. Behind him was Yrsa's presence. Yrsa's presence behind him was. Yrsa's pres-

I stand corrected. My initial impression that Guðvarr was capable of self-reflection and had any cunning about him was entirely unfounded.

CHAPTER 24 | VARG See, because of how minimally the book is written, I cannot tell if the confusing description at the end is supposed to be this way for storytelling and mood purposes or if that's just how Gwynne would have written it regardless.

CHAPTER 25 | GUÐVARR The first fight scene I enjoyed! The writing really flowed well and didn't feel as repetitive as in other battles. There was this sense of swiftness and brutality, without anything being confusing. There was such clarity to the prose that I really could picture Taras the Bull on fire, the hole in the wall, the warriors piling in, Skalk's apprentices falling, and so on. I enjoyed the eagle's presence and the payoff to the focus on it the previous chapter. It was actually decently well masked what with the other monsters and critters around, but it was given enough special attention that I knew to expect something. Overall, this was truly a great moment and a fun segment to read.

It was fun to see the Iskidan people get proactive. They certainly have a lot of skill. I don't really care for the way Gwynne is portraying and focusing on Guðvarr's bodily fluids and reactions, but eh, mileage may vary. The way we saw Jökul's death from Guðvarr's point of view though… I actually really love this choice. Love to see how easy it was to recognize the characters, more by their weapons than appearance, but at least I knew who was getting their brains burst open with their own weapon. I cannot wait until Guðvarr finally dies…

CHAPTER 26 | VARG pg. 238 Not gonna lie, I did not actually remember or read who's descendant Æsa was, but I did remember that Fjalla the Mountain Goat was a god, so that… was not hard to understand. On one hand, the simile makes sense. Mountain goats are good at scaling mountains and cliffs. On the other… I dunno. I think I'm just not enjoying myself to the point where even fun prose and hints like this don't land well. I'm not saying this is bad, by the way; that's actually a fun way to work Æsa's divine ancestry into the descriptions! It's fitting and all. I just didn't care for it. Which sucks so much when I know it's actually competently done.

pg. 240 Another misnamed character moment. Instead of Svik and Æsa coming to Varg after he called them, it is apparently Varg that comes to himself with Æsa.

pg. 245 Oh, I absolutely love Einar getting bit in the leg! The fact two Úlfhéðnar tried to sink their teeth into him and only Varg succeeded is just chef's kiss. Love the reference/callback. I also think that if Varg's sister was alive (and who knows, mayhaps she is…) this would be a wonderful way of introducing her. The italicization of Úlfhéðnar is grating when the word is used so many times on the page though.

pg. 246 Damn. I really love the way Gwynne writes Varg figuring out and seeing that his ear was bitten off. I can't articulate why exactly, but there is a comedic timing to it; the slow realization of something being off, the snap to the Úlfhéðnar, the one-liner… I love it. It's so fun.

CHAPTER 27 | GUÐVARR Why is Guðvarr so important to Gwynne. A couple of chapters here and there, like with Biórr would have been fine, but the more I see this man, the more page time he consumes, the more I despise reading from his point of view. I enjoyed the first few chapters, was even pleasantly surprised; but Gwynne's presentation of Guðvarr is getting tired. I have the unfortunate feeling that Guðvarr is never really going to get resolved satisfactorily. There's just something about him that makes me think Gwynne will focus on Guðvarr long after the niðing drengr has overstayed his welcome, to such a degree where whatever is coming for him will feel like it's come too late narratively to feel cathartic in any way.

pg. 250 I am begging Gwynne to stop mentioning Guðvarr pissing and/or shitting himself every single godsdamned chapter. It's not even adding to Guðvarr's sorry, pitiful, pathetic characterization at this point. It's just another one of Gwynne's weird fixations, like testicles in the first book. It is not making any meaningful impact when it's used with such frequency; it grows annoying, borderline childish and immature. Much like Guðvarr's POV chapters turning into something grating, some of the "jokes" and "running gags", especially those related to Guðvarr, are being overused.

CHAPTER 28 | ELVAR Damn. Am I counting right it has been 11 chapters since we last saw her?

Also, the opening to this chapter is a little confusing but did not really have to be that way. We could have played catch-up with what had been going on with the Battle-Grim first, describing the camp, and then have Elvar go to Uspa; it would have flowed better and made more sense. Like, it's so weird that Elvar wakes Uspa up just to say "my thanks". Thanks for what? I'd be great to see the thought process there, see why it's being said. This isn't a strong start, to be honest.

pg. 259 Again, where was this characterization last book? Elvar has not done any deep thinking or reflection upon herself, her father, or anything from what the audience has been shown, nor was any of this part of her motivation last book. Where did this sudden spark of complexity come from? Elvar didn't even reject her father's offering because it had been an insult; she had refused it because Hrung told her "a wolf cannot become a lamb" and she realized her father was likely being facetious and trying to manipulate her! It wasn't about her reputation and earning her fame back then!

pg. 260 That prose would have been better if it was like this instead: "Elvar nodded, and as she listened, her hand wrapped around her sword hilt. She drew it a short way, checked that the blade was not sticking, and let it slide back down."

"Elvar nodded, as she listened her hand wrapping around her sword hilt, drawing it a short way, checking the blade was not sticking, then let it slide back down."

pg. 263 That. Actually pissed me off. On pg.259 we have the text saying "her injured shoulder". If that hadn't been there, then this would have made sense, and justified the strange opening of the chapter. I still don't think it had to start the way it did; Elvar could have, in her narration, be vague about the interaction, only putting "my thanks" into proper dialogue. Regardless, the fact that Elvar herself (since, while this is 3rd person POV, it is limited and thus the world is viewed through Elvar) refers to her shoulder as "injured" is deceptive. Did I pick up on the lack of pain? Yes. Did I assume it was done for brevity's and clarity's sake because of the line on pg.259? Also yes.

Worse yet, because of all the mistakes and awkward phrasing in this book I cannot even tell if Gwynne meant for that to be there, or if the "injured shoulder" was included in the text by accident. If it was purposeful, then it was deceptive, and frankly I hate the fact Gwynne resorted to outright lying to the audience here. I also personally do not find this particular scene to be interesting beyond the frustration it caused. I had hoped Huld would win when the holmganga was officially happening, but knew at once there were no stakes in this situation because it was "to the death".

I'd have preferred if Elvar didn't kill Huld; instead maybe forced her out of the holmganga spear-square, make her feel like a true leader. It had been noted that every good warrior counts. It should have been Elvar's priority to ensure that. But noooo. There is nothing cunning about her; not even the shallowest puzzle. At least Guðvarr is trying to manipulate people and get out of the shite he gets himself into, which shows at least some conniving, if not intelligence. Elvar doesn't even have that. It's hard to appreciate her healing her shoulder and creating an advantage out of it when the reader is lied to this way.

Okay, I am being facetious and purposefully exaggerating. Elvar's trick with the shoulder is smart though strangely conveniently timed. However, there is nothing about Elvar to like, nothing to be enjoyed about her. Even with the newer depth of her motivation with her father, she does not have any appeal for me and continues to be a weak character. If Elvar was smart and skilled enough to both win the holmganga and ensure Huld survives it, showing that she is serious about the quest to save Bjarn and cares for the Battle-Grim, I could have at least appreciated her as a leader. But Elvar doesn't show any true regard for the Battle-Grim around her, doesn't think about the future, their future, does not have the makings of a leader, which could have been her thing. It could have been her appeal. She is a shit person, a slaver, but she loves her fellow battle-brothers and battle-sisters, and she will keep them alive with brains and brawn at any cost, even when feuding with them. But this holmganga squanders that possibility, that complexity and appeal; and for what? Elvar could still have pulled the shoulder-trick to force Huld out of bounds and win.

Besides, why the hell did Elvar wait so fucking long before getting it healed? Uspa didn't seem tired or tuckered out by reviving a dead god at all; why wouldn't Elvar get herself up to fighting speed earlier, especially since she knew there would be difficult encounters ahead (such as the tennúr)? It feels like Gwynne just came up with this oh-so-very-cool idea for a scene and stuck with it even when it doesn't make much sense on this level.

I also think it's both funny and depressing that my first thought when reading this chapter was "oh god, another shit order of events" rather than "hmm, mysterious". Gwynne has failed to make logical progressions and sensible prose before (see: Orka's first chapter) so if something is worded vaguely I just assume it's another case of inept writing rather than a meaningful choice.

pg. 264 Misplaced quotation mark in Sighvat's dialogue.

I also don't really like the fact Ulfrir smiles at Elvar here. There is too much congeniality between Elvar and Ulfrir; I would have much rather the god not make any expression. After all, Elvar has enslaved him. This honestly adds to the lack of grandeur the gods possess. Skuld, Ulfrir, and Lik-Rifa both just… don't feel like much. The reader can see right through Lik-Rifa, and her threats are ultimately banal, lacking the 'deep-cunning' necessary to make her feel like a grand villain. The Raven-Feeders come off as pathetic and I cannot see them as ever having posed any legitimate threat. I would have loved if Gwynne actually made Lik-Rifa a loving, genuinely caring individual with extremist views, who would be kind to her followers, show understanding and sympathy, make her promises full of conviction. It would have been such a beautiful thing to witness a loving corpse-eating, starving, malnourished dragon god who, for all her flaws, truly loves her children, who have slaved over her freedom for centuries. It would have been so painful for Biórr and maybe others to realize that Lik-Rifa, as much as she loves them, is flawed and will not make the world better.

I can imagine a heartfelt, emotional, gut-wrenching scene of the Raven-Feeders, or perhaps just Biórr, taking part in the last stand against Lik-Rifa, crying because they truly love her: I want Lik-Rifa to be unwilling to fight and hurt her children, begging them to stop, asking why they've turned on her, and maybe have her kill Ilska and Drekr or someone, any dragonborn, and I want her to stop and take in that she killed her own child, and I want her to howl in despair and stop fighting back, letting herself be killed by her children; because now she is no better than Snaka.

Epicness of violence can only get this story so far when I don't like the characters. When there's no emotion to be felt or had. I'm quite pessimistic about the fact that, with the story as-written, Gwynne will not be able to top my emotional investment in a half-baked scene that doesn't exist in any tangible or meaningful way.

#john gwynne #the gnat doth read #the hunger of the gods #the length of this is embarrassing (it's 4.8k words...)#nobody read this #i despise elvar and chapter 28 can you tell #gudvarr is a strong contestant for the most despicable character #to be honest if he was more scarce then his chapters could be a fun romp through his horrid little head #but he is. way too much. everywhere #varg my beloved as always #there was so little orka i think!!! elvar i can do without but orka...

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publicstar0356 · 10 months

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I shall begin an all-new, all-homo blog! (I'm definitely not like 10 years behind on starting a blog lol).

I shall dub it JustSomeDude™! (I was gonna make it "Just Some Dude™", but when you Google that name you get a DeviantArt account that posts fat fetish art💀💀💀)

I talk about random bullshit here, basically whatever topic I feel like enlightening the masses about that particular day. And of course, because I am the most interesting man on earth, I'll also talk a lot about my life. You will listen to my whining, you will read my page, and you will consume product! Buy my merch!!!!!

Anyways, the inaugural installment of JustSomeDude™ focuses around the single most engaging, interesting topic of all the universes; The Big Sad.

Yep, I'm sad. Got broken up with by the woman I thought was The One, turned out she was the ½. Shit sucks bro. So please, all none of you reading this, beam to me your validation! Praise me this exact instant! I need all the shallow reinforcement I can get!

Ok, to drop the funni haha act for a sec and hit upon a more vulnerable note,a less funni, it truly is devastating to me. She was my first true love, I earnestly thought I would spend my life with her. Obviously, didn't play out that way lol.

It's been 2 weeks now. You'd think time would dull the pain, and what do you know? You'd be right. It's not nearly as bad as it was initially, yet I feel an agonizing emptiness inside my Self. I have navigated beyond grief over the idea of the relationship. I miss her and her specifically, not just the concept of having a girlfriend.

Truly and honestly, I have never had anyone else in my life comparable to her. I shared an intimacy with her that is beyond pre-relationship-me's comprehension. Obviously, having someone to do the sex with was cool and all, but beyond bodily pleasure, I miss her presence. I miss spending time with her, kissing and holding her in my arms, miss having my best friend, closest confidant, and favorite person all wrapped into one. I could go on an unbearably sappy rant about all the things I miss about her, like her freckles, beautiful brown eyes, her smile, her b- Wait a fucking second, I did again! Fuck!!!

Anyways, sorry about that. Just had to put my emotional side back where it belongs (locked and starving in my basement, right next to the 14 children).

Anyways, haha funni! Wanna hear a joke? My life! All you have to do is self deprecate to hide the pain! Afterall, if you refuse to acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. Much like Santa Claus, and the Federal Reserve.

I don't have a good seque into concluding this smattering of words, so I'm going to cheat and lampshade it. Am I being ironic? Am I using satire? Am I just being lazy? Yes.

Boom, instant segue. Basically, I will regularly add to this blog whenever I have something I feel like I need to express. I've found that expressing my emotions helps expel them, or otherwise they're remain entombed within my vessel, blighting the miniature clown people who pilot my body. I hope that people will read this, but honestly I just don't know. If a lot of people read this (which for clarification's sake, I absolutely don't expect to happen), I will be much more active and put significantly more effort into increasing the quality of my writing. I'm very good at revising my own work and drastically improving it, but it takes a whole lot of time, effort, and work. Anyways like, subscribe, and ring that be- wait, I'm a blog shill, not a YouTube shill. Fuck!

#writing #blog #random #writers on tumblr

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fangirlies · 1 year

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Bestie, I would be so unstoppable with French and Spanish, the world isn't ready (insert that interview with tom holland speaking Spanish here. That'd be me lmao)...

That's true!! I had a history tutor - one of my favourite teachers honestly (what a shame she wasn't at my school) and she is a person fitting for this job. She made me love history and not dread lessons with her. She loves her job and her children so much and het students love her too. Although juggling it all is hard and doesn't get that much money (which is another topic that frustrates me to infinity), but every time she says that it's all worth it and she wouldn't change anything. She really set a standard for a good teacher to me.

JG TWJRWJQRJARUTAJWTI NAAAAUR YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SAD I'M THAT SOMEBODY'S MIND WAS SEXIER THAN MINE😭😭😭 I wish it was me... big kudos to that person, but I'm still sad I didn't come up with it... I let it slide though, other people deserve to have their 'sexy mind' moments to😟💅 I don't know how I didn't think of raven... SEE THAT'S WHY IT'S AWESOME FOR YOU TO REBLOG YOUR WORKS!! Well, you did quite a good job with hair dye hahaha. The chaos and excitement coupled with fear of it all really hit the spot💀

Hmmm, I didn't expect the question to redirect at me and now I have to think hard... honestly I would probably go with angst that in the end turns into fluff. I like to suffer a bit... there's just this bittersweet burning that lingers in my chest that gets me, but happy end is a must. Also just fluff in general. I love these domestic and comfy things between characters that also make my heart ache. Something about vulnerability and intimacy shared between lovers burns me from the inside out. I would love to see more silly content with xavi on it, because smut really devoured his tag (don't judge, completely understand and consume). So in the end it's all coming to projecting, yeah...

- elliot anon

Us jumping from one topic to another is hilarious to me. You’d be too powerful if you knew both.

OMG being a history teacher is such a dream!! I’m glad you got to experience an educator who truly gives their all to what they do! We all need at least one in our lives, I feel like they change our lives in the smallest of ways. I still remember my kindergarten teacher & the activities she had us do. I follow her on Instagram and everything lol.

LMAOOO it would’ve been entirely too funny. You would’ve been the only one keeping the fangirlies account running 💀 everyone who leaves a request in my inbox has a sexy mind, no doubt about it! I’m glad I reblogged it and it caught your attention.

I giggled at “ I like to suffer a bit” don’t we all bestie? I felt that. I honestly need to add to my angst list to show I’m a woman of many talents. It’s so true what you said though, there’s something so beautiful about writing/reading those everyday, wholesome errands like dying your hair or taking care of when you’re sick. Ugh. I’ll eat any amount of smut up though, but you’re right it did take over his tag. I feel like 70% of fanfics will involve some kind of smut 😬 I guess this is my outlet. The place I write things I’m afraid I’ll never get to experience lolienjoyhurtingmyownfeelingslol

#fangirliestalk #Elliot anon talks

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catgirl-brain · 3 years

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[ENG] Another Night - Kazui Mukuhara Voice Drama

Aand... it's been forever since this came out... I had a lot of trouble deciphering what Kazui was trying to say in some portions, so please take this translation with a grain of salt... It's super rough at some parts, sorry!

Kazui: Alright then… Let’s see how this turns out.

(door swings open)

Es: Sorry for the wait,

(door shuts)

Es: Prisoner number 7, Kazui.

Kazui: Excuse me,

(restrains Es)

Es: W-what!?

Kazui: Sorry, give me a second to be ridiculous here.

Es: (struggling) You…! That’s rude!

Kazui: Now, now… I won’t hurt you, so don’t be afraid…

Kazui: Huh..?

Es: (breaks free and gasps)

Kazui: What’s this…? I’ve suddenly lost my strength…

Es: (heavy breathing) Prisoner number 7, Kazui! Do you have any idea what you’ve just done!? You’ve just committed a serious crime.

Kazui: (hums)

Es: Hey! Are you listening to me, Kazui!?

Kazui: Prison guard-kun fought me when I squeezed them… That’s not the image I got from Futa’s account. I thought you’d overpower me,

Es: Huh?

Kazui: but you tried to get out as soon as I started, and - “What’s this?” I suddenly lost control of my own body.

Es: (huffs) I don’t know all the details either, I just know that a prisoner can’t attack the guard.

Kazui: I see… (laughs) But it’s not like a magic barrier- An old man like me wouldn’t be able to handle that… (As an old man, that helps) Still, in terms of reality… it feels a bit like it was hypnosis.

Es: Hey! I don’t care about that!

Kazui: Hm?

Es: Sit down there, Kazui!

Kazui: (chuckles) Ok, ok.

Es: The manner of these prisoners towards their prison guard... Don’t treat me as if I’m a kid, but that behavior is uncalled for... I'm not going to forgive you (for treating me like that), what do you have to say for yourself?

Kazui: Hmm…

Kazui: (claps) Sorry!

Es: Huh?

Kazui: Really- sorry, sorry! I was worried I’d get injured by you, Prison guard-kun. From now on I’ll try to get information safely. Depending on who they are, everyone has their own method of gathering information.

Es: Huh?

Kazui: I’m an anxious old man, so I just needed to verify if Prison guard-kun was armed or not.

Es: You...To do that sort of thing to me…

Kazui: Mm? I thought it would be fine, but I suppose it wasn’t.

Es: Oh? But I didn't like it.

Kazui: Oh, no no, I don’t mean to offend you. Well, it’s no problem, if we can’t attack you, you can’t attack us, either.

Es: Hmm? (approaches him)

Kazui: What are you doing?

Es: (slaps him)

Kazui: T...that hurts….!

Es: Hey, what’s wrong? I was able to attack you?

Kazui: That was uncalled for-!.. Even so... that seems to be true…

Es: What, should I have said that earlier? Should slap you again to see if it works that time?

Kazui: Aw, I get it! I’ll be patient… (clears throat) I suppose the guard has decided the situation… We’re just scared of unfamiliar situations, don't you hate it - not knowing things?

Kazui: If I can’t expect it, it could hurt me. Even if not, it's better to see first. There’s always something dangerous. And what’s more, from the beginning of this session, you seem unfazed by this “mechanism”- somewhere, it sounds like pieces of something are moving. (??)

Es: What are you trying to say?

Kazui: In other words, we’re divided into the positions of Guard and Prisoner. We’re both trying to glean the information we lack.

Kazui: I think it’s “fair” in that sense.

Es: Me and you guys… we’re “fair”?

Kazui: Well, that’s my guess. I was hoping that Prison guard-kun would agree with me if I decided it was okay.

Es: Hmm… but you’re such a chatty man.

Kazui: (laughs) That’s true (laughs) I’m worried all the time, this old man’s no good.

Es: Well, what you’re saying is pretty interesting. It’s true; at some times I don’t even know everything about MILGRAM.

Kazui: (affirmative hum)

Es: But! I am the Prison Guard of MILGRAM, and you’re a prisoner, that much is true.

Kazui: (hum)

Es: That’s the most important thing here. Now then, Prisoner number 7, Kazui. Let’s get started.

Kazui: Alright, very professional aren’t we? (laughs) Well, let me introduce myself. I like this too. This isn’t my first time introducing myself to you.

Kazui: Once again, it’s Mukuhara Kazui, age 39. Nice to meet you, Prison guard-kun.

Es: Hm. You guys are all murderous prisoners. Kazui, you shouldn’t be so cheerful.

Kazui: Murderous... is that it? Well, you’re not wrong there.

Es: Mm? Confess it then.

Kazui: Confess.. At the very least, I believe I’m a murderer. I admit that. I don’t know if that’s a good way to put it.

Es: A good way to put it…?

Kazui: And that’s all there is, for the most part. To me, there should be no murderers aside from me. (??????????????????????????????????????)

Es: What do you mean?

Kazui: For example, for what reason are you gathering us murderers here? That’s something a crazy person would do. Is there a better word other than “murderer”? The term is too broad.

Es: Hey, Kazui. This isn’t the time to be asking questions.

Kazui: And I’m not recognizable as a murderer, unless you know my crime. Why the hell are we even on trial? It doesn’t make sense.

Es: I don’t give a damn about all that. I am the one who will decide whether to forgive you or not.

Kazui: Oh, is that so? Even though I don’t know who you’re working for?

Es: They’re fluffy. And if there's a problem, they’ll show up.

Kazui: Hm..? It’s something like that..?

Es: Stop acting like a detective, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: Okay, okay.

Es: (sighs) Kazui. How do you feel about the other prisoners?

Kazui: Oh, that’s a good one. Don’t worry, everyone is well and friendly. The younger ones often get stressed, but there seems to be a good balance.

Es: That answer would be the same no matter who you ask. Don’t worry about conflicts between prisoners.

Kazui: Isn’t that what’s happening right now? I don’t really know what’s in my head, and you don’t know what life is like outside of here (???)

Es: Hm?

Kazui: There's an air of good feelings around the prison. I would be okay with living here forever. Why have you prepared such an environment..?

Es: Hey! Stop trying to get the conversation off track!

Kazui: (laughs) I got caught. Forgive me, alright? I’m an old man, I can’t help teasing kids like you- I have to be a little mischievous.

Es: You’re the same as Shidou. I hate it. I swear, does every adult act this way?

Kazui: (laughs) Did Shidou-kun also do that? He’s really calm, isn’t he? Can’t take that one sitting down.

Es: Are you different? You seem just as childish.

Kazui: Mmm… Does it seem that way? That’s good.

Es: What’s good about that? I don’t get this.

Es: This is a place where your consciousness will reveal itself (?) calculated by the impressions from others, but they can easily lie.

Kazui: This is, this is… You’re pretty tough. (laughs) But you’re not showing your true self, and neither am I.

Es: Hm…

Kazui: But, I’m older, so I have to take more responsibility/I need to try harder when I’m around kids like you. I’m an old man, so I need to keep a smile on my face while hiding my fangs.. Even if you are young.

Es: I see..

Kazui: You can tell I’m lying… Well, that may be the case. Unfortunately for you adults are very good at lying.

Es: Adults, huh?

Kazui: You’ll be stumped(?). Although, maybe you have some mysterious power...

Es: (cute laugh) Hey, Kazui…

Kazui: Yeah?

Es: That’s exactly it.

Kazui: Eh?

Es: I see your weakness. I can look inside you and unravel the sounds of your heart… What’s more, that adult technique. (??)

Kazui: (laughing) What? What’s that supposed to mean?

Es: Stop laughing, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: (oh hoho…) Oi, oi, What on Earth is going on here….

Es: Are you a sweet-natured man who takes his losses well? Or are you really someone else?

Kazui: (hums)

Es: I’m looking forward to seeing it… Is it possible to hide anything from it? (‘it’ being the MILGRAM machine that produces the songs). I see now...

Es: In time, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll see the vulnerabilities in the lies of a murderer.. Though I’ve already seen through it a while ago.

Kazui: So… You’re going to do all that?

Es: What do you think?

Kazui: Well, it’s not so bad… sounds just like an adult, doesn’t it?

Es: (laughs) Being an adult, huh… Don’t use that as an excuse for you behavior, coward*

Kazui: (offended sound)

Es: In this place, it doesn’t matter whether you’re an adult or a child. MILGRAM forces you to stare deep into yourself, and you can’t escape.

Kazui: I…. see. I don’t care about this place of yours, and it hasn’t even scratched my surface. I just want to be stronger than it. (?)

Kazui: Of course, I’ve killed, and now I have no reservations about breaking any other laws. It’s different… I wonder if I’m in trouble. Nothing has changed, but I don’t know how to feel. Don’t talk to me like you know what I’m feeling, kid.

Es: (offended noise)...

Es: Welcome, Mukuhara Kazui. I feel like we’ve met before… It's nice to meet you. I am Es, the prison guard of MILGRAM.

Kazui: (exhales, chuckles) Starting again, huh? Well, you won't regret it, that kind of relationship would be painful,

Es: That’s alright, isn’t it? Causing you pain is my job.

Kazui: Mm, you’re a pro.

Es: Surely, as just a regular human being, you can’t be totally prepared for this.

(Bell rings, machinery starts whirring)

Kazui: What’s this?

Es: It’s time for your cross-examination. You’ll face your regrets from now on.

Kazui: (sighs) Someone help… this is too much for me…

Es: That’s right, Kazui… show me your true feelings.

Kazui: Ahaha… Well, I’m embarrassed to concede to a child and say all that…

Es: Don’t worry. I’m going to know your soul from now on.

Kazui: Finding the truth of my inner feelings, huh? Alright.

Es: That’s right.

Kazui: Ah… oh, Prison guard-kun?

Es: What is it?

Kazui: This personality of mine… I’ve developed it from living in the world. Could you tell me about your own experiences? It’s a little annoying to have such a one-sided relationship, isn't it?

Es: I’m not interested in myself.

Kazui: That’s a lot of new information to add to the situation… I… I hide my own sins behind a delusion… I don’t know what you will see when it’s opened.

Es: Kazui…

Kazui: How’s that? Can you see how fickle adults are?

Es: Shut up. You’re the one who’s fickle.

Kazui: (laughs) Tough, isn't it? But is it the end?

Es: Prisoner #7, Kazui. Now, sing your sins.

#MILGRAM #voice drama #ミルグラム

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