#do acknowledge all their flaws. they are complicated human beings

[keshetchai]

I think a huge problem in internet Judaism (also sometimes irl!) discussions is often that we're so focused on fighting or pushing back on misconceptions, Christian normativity, and distorted Christian ideas about our theology — that sometimes in the pursuit of this, we forget to approach a more complicated internal reality, or we overlook parts of our own religion while trying to not assimilate.

Things like the Talmud talking about Yom Kippur being a happy day. A lot of folks were surprised and didn't know there's a huge tradition that YK is supposed to be a positive holiday and many Jews observe with joy. Then some folks went on to elaborate that if someone wished them a happy Yom Kippur and they were Jewish it was fine, but if they were gentiles who simply didn't know anything and didn't bother to learn, then they were annoyed by the lack of care re: cultural nuance or whatever.

But like...of all the annoying christian-normative bullshit that exists — someone trying to wish me a happy holiday on a holiday that is noted to be solemn AND positive, but not really knowing anything about my religion — that doesn't really make a list of things I have time to be mad about! Or even irked by!

There's a lot of ways in which people are shitty and careless or make it obvious they consider our non-christian holidays an annoying quirk they have to acknowledge, but "happy yom kippur!" Is not one of them. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I want other people to assume the best of me, even when I am the one who is socially awkward or ignorant, or stumbling around just trying to be an okay person. And sometimes I am the clueless one who has only a shallow understanding of someone's interior life/culture and I said/did nothing actually offensive but treated the situation the same way I treat similar ones in my own life because everyone has cultural blinders somewhere.

So sometimes, I have to look at other people doing The Thing and ask myself if it's at all malicious or harmful, and if it ISN'T, shouldn't I assume the best of another human bumbling around like I do all the time? "Hey thanks. Yeah I had a meaningful holiday."

Likewise, YES, we do have a history of wrestling with G-d and pushing back and asking questions and so on, but no, stiff-necked isn't wholly complimentary, it's...frequently the opposite of that. And the knee-jerk reaction is often to push back against Christianity and Islam vilifying Jews and their stubbornness/failures/wrongs in the Bible. Which is totally reasonable, there's a huge history of a theology of antisemitism and blaming there that impacts us today.

HOWEVER, we can push back against the antisemitic theologies and interpretations of these stories without necessarily having to recharacterize everything beyond recognition?

Yes, Abraham yelled at G-d that one time, and it was great. It may have even been a test of Abraham. Yes, Israel wrestles with G-d. Yes, the Jews in the desert complain to Moses they are dying of thirst and ask what was the point of leaving Egypt if they should only die while wandering instead?

Great. Love that. BUT ALSO: yes stiff-necked is not always a compliment. Yes, the Israelites struggled and made mistakes, and are utterly and painfully human just like people are today. Flawed. We are not so stiff-necked as to say we have not sinned!

Is anything as scary as a group that admits no flaws? No errors of judgment? Never questions themselves or learns from past mistakes? Idk to me, it's all very "with great responsibility comes great accountability, and power isn't the point here." Yes? If we take pride in the moments of arguing and the pushing back, then by that same token, we have to own the failings just as much to learn from. The relationship between G-d and Jews is a two way street.

It's not a failing to be an imperfect human, but it would be a failing to screw something up and then never admit it or keep doing it when you can change.

Idk I just...there's got to be ways we can dig into meaty and interesting stuff without having to constantly be like "just because some ancestors screwed up and G-d was angry at them doesn't mean you can say Jews lost the love of God and the covenant and were replaced you absolute weirdos."

[comradekatara]

I believe the way Sokka deals with his trauma oscillates between; my feelings aren't important, and there is no way anyone else feels like this.

There is also a middle ground where 'I wish someone could hug me so I could break down' but also, the feeling of 'I don't want anuyone to seem me like that' rolling around in his mind, and thus leading to suppress everything that he feels and believing he is doing great even though he is not.

What, no im not projecting my trauma to poor characters. I just resonate with sokka a little!

ok rn the film studies professor who lives in my head is yelling CHARACTERS DONT HAVE FEELINGS. obviously fandom as a discursive mode operates under a very different analytical framework but like. you get it.

anyway i reject this premise altogether because i don’t think sokka would ever think about anything in terms of feelings. if he has an emotion he must then explain that emotion as a thinking action or opinion. for example, he doesn’t say to yue, “i feel attracted to you,” he says, “i think you’re beautiful.” and to him, every action can be classified either as logical or illogical. so katara stealing from pirates is illogical because the benefits (katara getting back a piece of her culture that was stolen and studying it to better learn waterbending) do not outweigh the costs (being chased down and executed by pirates), but toph pulling scams is dangerous yet ultimately logical because the benefits (having more money for food and resources) do outweigh the costs (possibly getting caught if they’re not careful). and of course sokka rationalizes his own illogical actions through faulty logical reasoning, such as “i must sacrifice myself at the boiling rock because it’s my responsibility to fix this situation that i caused or die trying.” his logic is sometimes flawed or biased (as all human subjectivity is), but it’s think “i think this and therefore i must do this” rather “i feel this and therefore i must do this,” which is how katara largely operates, as someone who is also far more in touch with her own emotions (a skill sokka lacks to a truly atrocious extent). sokka cannot locate his own emotions because he would first have to acknowledge that he has emotions, which to him is a completely abhorrent thought, even though of course he very clearly does.

sokka definitely doesn’t want anyone to see him break down or be vulnerable in any capacity (he’s only vulnerable in front of zuko because he doesn’t care about zuko and assumes that both he and zuko will die soon anyway), and he’s normally resistant to hugs except for with his dad (although in the finale he does join their group hug and then hugs piandao later, so yay for growth). but it’s true that he keeps his trauma so bottled up that he basically just completely represses it. forgets his mother’s face as a way to cope with his grief. and also in sokka’s mind he literally thinks he’s normal. he thinks that everyone else is a freak and thank god he’s the most normal one here. so it’s not even that he’s like “my feelings aren’t important,” he’s like “feelings aren’t important.” and it’s not that he thinks “no one else feels like this,” he thinks “thank god i don’t have to feel all those messy complicated emotions that other humans do because i know how to completely detach myself from my emotions. it’s awesome how being less human means being less vulnerable. there are no downsides to this logic and it is very healthy.” not realizing that it’s like. actually a very harmful coping mechanism, and also that if anyone is capable of dehumanizing themselves to the point of objectivity (highly doubtful), he certainly hasn’t. but like. try telling him that.

#salt-popcorn #asks #sokka #analysis #i love you insane cognitive dissonance freak boy

[dear-evan-fansen]

So many criticisms of Dear Evan Hansen revolve around the show being messy/morally convoluted as if that was an overlooked flaw in the writing and not the whole point of the show.

Everything in Dear Evan Hansen is intentionally messy. Everything has two sides. Social media is a positive place where people can come together to make a difference AND it's a breeding ground for hate and vitriol. Evan is a deeply caring, empathetic person AND he does a horrible thing. Heidi is a dedicated, loving mother AND she works so hard that she never spends any time with her son. Connor is agressive, angry, violent, AND he is a depressed, lonely person, ostracized by his peers and longing for connection. Larry Murphy is a domineering authority figure who treats his son like a criminal AND he's a frustrated parent that wants to help Connor get better the only way he knows how. Evan's lies are harmful and manipulative AND they give a family that was tearing apart at the seams time to come together, reflect, and grieve.

All of these things can be true at the same time, and one doesn't have to overshadow or cancel out the other. In ignoring one to focus on the other, you're wilfully missing the point of the story. Real life is messy and complex, and that's exactly what the show is trying so hard to emulate. That's not bad writing, it's just being realistic.

Pasek and Paul said that in its earliest form, the show was meant to look at why people insert themselves into tragedy through a much more cynical lense, criticizing people like Evan. But somewhere in the writing process they found that it's not that simple, because people don't just do that shit for no reason, and it's naive to believe they would. Evan didn't do what he did to be popular or get a girlfriend or gaslight a grieving family. He did it because he saw a chance to help people who were hurting. In the process, he found connection that he had longed for his whole life, and allowed that to complicate things, making him a lot more reluctant to do the right thing and come clean. But the show makes it explicity clear that his initial intention was rooted in helping someone else, not himself. And as bad as it was, it did force the Murphys to come to terms with their loss instead of running away from it, to come together instead of drifting apart.

Yes, the morality of everything that happens in the show is deeply questionable, complex and muddy and that's the ENTIRE POINT. It doesn't mean the show is endorsing what Evan did. The vast majority of the fan base doesn't endorse what Evan did either. Most of us understand what that final scene in the orchard is getting at. It's not arguing that what Evan did was somehow morally correct, or handing him some magical "get out of jail free card". It's acknowledging ALL the consequences of his actions (good AND bad, the healing he brought about AND the hurt he caused) and letting us come to terms with that along with him and move forward. That scene encompasses one of the most important messages of the show: that doing something bad doesn't make you evil. One mistake doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life, and it doesn't make you less human, or any less deserving of growth and self acceptance.

#i'm sorry this is so long #i have so many thoughts about this show and i'm so tired of seeing it dragged through the mud #dear evan hansen #deh #ben platt #will roland #mike faist #connor murphy #laura dreyfuss #zoe murphy #heidi hansen #larry murphy #jared kleinman #alana beck

[itsclydebitches]

It astounds me that CRWBY can have the whole volume's 'character arc' resting on the idea that Ruby doesn't need to be perfect and that her friends aren't expecting her to be, only for her heroic entrance in the climax to be followed by her team mates basically going "If she wasn't perfect, we wouldn't follow her.". They've already failed to effectively establish a character arc and somehow STILL manage to undermine it.

Unfortunately, that's RWBY's go-to writing style: put forth a straightforward character arc, but then fail to consider how everything surrounding it may undermine that journey. RT seems to continually believe that The Message of the show is separate from everything else we see on screen, rather than realizing they're two sides of the same coin; a fictional series of evidence supporting a fictionalized argument. You can't have a character proclaim, "I've learned to be charitable!" and then show numerous scenes where they're being unnecessarily stingy. That's a head and a tails that simply don't fit.

Cat: You’re broken! You break everything you touch! I call Humans… weak! Confused! Incomplete! Weiss: No, you’re wrong. Yang: She’s never been any of those things. Blake: That’s why we follow her.

Unlike my above example though, RWBY is usually a bit more complicated. Here, the Cat tosses out accurate and inaccurate accusations, making it that much easier for viewers to simply ignore the ways in which this moment doesn't support Ruby's arc because look, some of what he's saying is nonsense. Personally, I disagree with "broken" and "incomplete"—especially with those two descriptors leveled partly at Yang—but confused? Frequently. Weak? Yes, that's a part of life; a challenge to overcome. Breaking everything they touch? Not everything, but a large part of Volume 9's reflection was supposedly them acknowledging how massively they messed up in Atlas. So... yeah. Things have been broken, on a literal and metaphorical level. Why would the heroes deny that in the final hour?

The purpose of Ruby's arc was meant to be accepting her flaws to the point where she can work to move past them. There's a fine line between acknowledging that people are imperfect while likewise acknowledging our responsibility to continually improve. It's not an excuse or a pessimistic declaration, yet Volume 9 started by denying the impact that their failure has had on others—Who cares that an entire Kingdom is gone? We tried our best and that's all that will ever matter!—and ends with the girls denying that those flaws exist at all. "You're wrong... She’s never been any of those things." Ruby has never been weak? Or confused? She's never fucked up? Huh, I thought this arc was explicitly showing how weak and confused and a failure she's been, to the point where those emotions drove her to a magical suicide. Worse than simply erasing Ruby's (already near non-existent) growth though, this moment—as you say, anon—suddenly paints Ruby as perfect when the whole POINT was for her to realize she didn't have to be. Her team turns her into an archetype on a pedestal, rather than a living, breathing, flawed person who needs support. Ruby is never confused. She's never weak. She's never lacked anything within her sense of identity. She's never made horrific mistakes. She is the PERFECT leader and that is why we follow her. Insert the implication here that a flawed Ruby would be abandoned by her team, AKA the very fear she expressed earlier that day:

Ruby from a few hours ago: "Why do I have to be the leader, anyway? Why do I always have to be the one to pick people up? What about me? ... Gotta find someone who isn't going to just screw everything up! Gotta stay positive, right? Smiles all around!"

RWBY is so frustrating because we have these scenes where multiple narrative problems are combining. I hate that they have Ruby complaining about being leader when she continually demanded that responsibility, to the point of actual Kingdom-wide destruction, and I hate that she's simultaneously right to be upset with how her team has been treating her. RWBY fails on both fronts by giving us a hero who is incapable of acknowledging her own screwups without making a whole production of it (Ruby's breakdown, though understandable, puts her in the position of a victim in need of comfort, rather than the responsible party who needs to own up to those mistakes) and it gives us a hero who expresses a need to be treated like a human being... only for her team to turn around and deny a large chunk of what makes her human.

None of which even gets into the iffy human/faunus dichotomy and how these definitions of humanity apply to Blake...

I love you just the way you are, says Summer, talking to a literal toddler who has not caused irreparable damage in a war. What about me? screams Ruby, someone who has made it all about her since she ignored Qrow's advice and ran after Cinder. We never expected her to be perfect, says Yang, and she's kinda right because the story has consistently shown Ruby demanding this responsibility, not having it placed on her shoulders. We follow Ruby because she's perfect, says the team, obliterating this Volume's arc that was already contradicting the rest of the series. This show is a MESS, says Clyde, banging her head against the metaphorical wall.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas #suicide tw

[bigskydreaming]

Media literacy lost the war when most people stopped trying to factor in an awareness that characters are fictional and can only make the choices their writer writes them making. At a certain point, character arcs NEED the acknowledgment that some times characters make terrible choices because the writing flat out demanded they make the worst choice possible in pursuit of Maximum Drama*, and there are only so many (actually insightful) conclusions you can make about a character when you're trying to make sense of why a character with a given set of priorities & existing characterization would have done something that completely undermines or contradicts everything else they've ever done....

And you refuse to factor in even the possibility** that the 'why' of the character reasoning there was that the character DIDN'T have any actual reason for what they did beyond Their Writer Made Them Do It.

Like. I'm just saying. Sometimes Bad Writing IS the answer. There is a certain self-defeating element to only ever engaging in media analysis that leads to the conclusion 'this character is short-sighted or inherently flawed or irrational' without ever allowing for the chance your analysis might instead lead to 'the writing choices attributed to this character are short-sighted or flawed or irrational.'

Sometimes you SHOULD be more mad at the writing than you are at the fictional characters because like. Yes, the Watsonian perspective is always worth engaging in on its own merits but that doesn't ever actually make the Doylist interpretation of the media IRRELEVANT or render it a non-factor in why various characters do certain things.

Both. Both is good.

* Like I literally maintain you can take just about any primetime show that's on the cancellation bubble and CHART how OOC the main cast gets about major plot points in correlation with the studio's desire to boost ratings. A lot of media that's created by committee in the sense of how even the best written shows have network interference to deal with, as higher-ups weigh in with what they think will give shows a ratings hike, like.....shows ARE influenced by the Hollywood maxims that the most dramatic choices are the best choices, storytelling wise. You flat out CAN'T make sense of a lot of mainstream shows' character choices while ignoring that these characters just do not have the freedom that even fanfic allows for - to make the choices that make the most sense for the character rather than to make the choices that appease drama & ratings obsessed studio execs.

** And I am not saying that it is not completely normal and human for people to do things that undermine or contradict their previous priorities or choices. People are complicated and hypocritical and that shit happens all the time. What I am saying is that its not always productive to just accept at face value every instance of a character making a terrible choice that doesn't seem like them & go 'well this is just an instance of a person being self-defeating or hypocritical'.... while leapfrogging solidly over even the possibility that this is an instance of a character being fictional and written by a writer who has Narrative Plans that extend beyond any single character and thus often times supersede (in the writer's eyes) the importance of being true to any single character's characterization.

[transhawks]

Yeah, so I bawled. I mean it was easier than legit fic-producing mental breakdowns I had circa 2020 when he killed Jin, but god....the anime did well, I think. I am glad the gravity of this moment, in my opinion one of the MAIN emotional zeniths of Boku no Hero, was acknowledged by the anime as important (when we had a Viz translator who couldn't understand why Horikoshi would name the volume containing this fight "One's Justice"). I've written a lot over the years about this fight, but I want people to remember that in many ways the fight was allegory for a lot of issues that make up the human condition. Keigo's utilitarianism vs deontological thinking. The notion of duty vs friendship. Humanity vs abstract ideals of community and what is good for it. Individualism vs collectivism. It's all in that fight.

The fight is first and foremost there to make us question the meaning of heroism. From the start, Jin, the League's "hope", and so human that his name literally means "Humanity", represents the way people react to hurt and kindness in others, and how often we pick our friends by those who pick us first. The other tragedy of Twice is how often the mentally ill feel grateful for the tiniest crumbs of humanity people show us, to the point the friendships become transactional. One of Jin's fatal flaws was never believing himself worthy of love and friendship when he was so capable of giving it and showing it to others.

Keigo represents sacrifice, duty, and repression of humanity. In growing up in the extremes he has (abusive, sheltered family disconnected from society, to homelessness, to being raised as a child soldier by a government), he has been taught to suppress and weaponize his natural instincts to save and help, and justifies actions he doesn't want to do with ideals of the greater good. Hawks wants to be a good person, and much like Jin, has a need to prove himself worthy to people who were "kind" to him because he was denied freely given love and kindness from birth. It's why there was no one victorious in this fight. Jin dies, and Hawks kills a part of himself and loses the limbs that made him "worthy" in the eyes of society. It's a complicated scene. A round of applause for the anime for bringing it to us.

#Hawks #takami keigo #bnha twice #bubaigawara jin

[stranger-rants]

I like the idea of Eddie as a character, and I like a lot of aspects of him, but he is in fact flawed. And the way some fans of his refuse to acknowledge his flaws makes me really annoyed. I can tell he was written purely to be likable even though I don’t feel that’s entirely earned. I like him, but the way he gets treated as this perfect character who can do no wrong just kind of puts me off of most works about him

I like Eddie, too, flaws and all as the person I think he was actually portrayed to be.

I don’t like who a lot of people think he is nor who The Duffers wanted him to be. I think he’s trying to be cool, sometimes. I think he’s annoying. I think he’s easily flustered, and very inexperienced. I think he’s immature and goofy. I think he cares a lot about what other people think, despite being seemingly non-conformist. He assumes people are judging him, and they are… so he leans into that. He is also, of course, making a living dealing drugs. All of these things can be considered flaws, but they also just make him human.

Instead of recognizing these things as flaws, Eddie is kind of… infantilized by the fandom. He gets the opposite treatment of Billy, who is adultified. Eddie isn’t obnoxious, he’s an adorable man-child who needs to be taught social cues. When Billy drinks, it’s written down on his “villain-wiki” as a crime, but Eddie is turned into a benevolent street pharmacist. Eddie is A Good Poor who deserves to be rescued from his poverty, but Billy should have just moved out if he didn’t like getting beat. Et cetera.

Also, don’t get me started on the Eddie is a real metal head debate. Eddie is an elitist. It’s one of his flaws, and it’s something that every nerdy guy I’ve ever known does. He grills Erica on her D&D knowledge and abilities which is just reminiscent of every test gatekeepers to nerdy things will give to you if you’re not white and/or male. All the characters I love have flaws. Eddie happens to be egotistical and up his own ass when it comes to his interests. If he didn’t care what people thought of him, he wouldn’t fiercely protect his interests like that.

It’s the way fans fueled by The Duffers have latched onto these things that really piss me off. The hypocrisy of it all. The way people outright say Eddie is good and Billy is bad as if you can neatly sort teenagers into this dichotomy. Billy was a jerk who had to grow up too fast and he was abused up until his death. Eddie was a loser who was always escaping from life’s challenges through comics and D&D and he was convinced the only way to be a hero was to get himself killed. Neither really deserved that treatment.

…but while Eddie gets to be happily incorporated into fandom without much controversy, Billy - six years in - is still treated as too flawed to exist in those same spaces. I would much rather read about Eddie being a complicated, messy character than see people treat him like a golden child who is so cool and so suave and everybody should love him and the people who don’t just don’t get it and yadda yadda. It’s just nerd boy wish fulfillment at that point, and that’s the only thing The Duffers are consistently good at portraying.

#asks #fandom critical #fandom wank #st critical

[ms-all-sunday]

ive personally gotten over the flaws in sanjis articulation and i understand what i think is the intent behind his character but i remember for like months past watching one piece originally i did not get it at all (i have a semi popular post about my friend getting him immediately while shading people who don't but that's me, i was that person) and i had to play around with interpretations of him to truly settle on what i think is concretely understanding him.

the reason, partially, for my original trepidation is twofold,

one, shonen does not have a good track record.

two, more personally, it's kind of insulting to the audience to expect this character who you've established has a relationship with women that has it's pros and cons (i always go back to the arlong park articulation of zoro respecting nami enough to see her as a threat and sanji because she's a woman, willing to look past what is obviously a mental breakdown from someone whos struggling. that was like the best articulation oda couldve done it all goes downhill from there) and like fully acknowledge inherently the social injustice that women face within that, while also doing the social injustice. it's hypocritical.*

ive taken to just categorically ignoring the pervert jokes and pretending we never progressed past pre ts sanjis jokes (which by the way and i say this with every spiteful bone in my entire body, were FUNNIER. it is such a fucking crime that sanji a character that had SO many consistently funny jokes because he is an hilarious comedy character, gets absolutely no funny jokes. the most recent funny joke he's had is egghead but before that it wasn't for years that he had a funny joke.) because the good thing and also the function of the sanji jokes especially as they relate to nami is that nami can and does cushion how creepy he comes off. they are in a weird consensual heterosexual chicken game and it says something about them that they treat eachother like this. unfortunately when you reduce sanjis jokes down to pervert anime jokes you also loose their back and forth which hurts namis characterization and as i've said before. the group dynamic is everything. you cannot hurt it it is sacred or one pieces quality declines (post timeskip)

*This is also a similar way that one piece as a story treats abuse more broadly. There's this thing that I call in my head "intent is effect" logic where basically if a character had good intent dot tm they're forgiven for abuse by the narrative and their abuse is played off as a joke (garp) or you're judge (the most evilest man on the planet which btw did you know all abusers are evil and not complicated human beings /s) (do NOT interpret me as saying this as a hashtag abuse apologist thing i will kill you. i am a persona 5 fan, ideologically.) i would pretty much definitively say that uh the same logic is applied to sanjis sexual assault/harassment jokes, as they are a type of abuse. and uh that's bad. it's shitty on all accounts for sure.

although im sure id become more fuelled by rage and question the stability of my own opinions if i watched the shittier parts of post TS again, I'll eventually get there in my rewatch don't worry.

#modposts #op #one piece #meta #black leg sanji #you see if someone asked me spefifically what my interpretation of sanji is id crumple #the reason id crumple is the way i interpret him is based on my own experiences with women and what having the types of emotional issues he #does looks like. i took what originally i resented for being a negative protrayal of an emotional issue i have to uh an articulation of #my own experiences. #unless you want to explictly base your sanji interpretation off of me. which fine okay do whatever im not the government #but i assume most people wouldnt want to. #to some degree every strawhat ive ever written is explictly based on myself thats just how i write characters #uh. just osdd things i guess #abuse tw

[a-queer-seminarian]

Oh, God. I just realized that the main obstacle to me getting ordained isn’t any of the many things I’ve been listing since graduating seminary in 2019.

It’s not that it’s too daunting to jump through all the hoops as a genderqueer, autistic person — though sure, that’s true enough. All the steps to ordination are designed to root out people like me — but I’ve already made it past most of them! And I’m lucky to have a CPM that is willing and even eager to ordain me!

It’s not my hesitation to formally enmesh myself into organized Christianity in this particular way — though again, that is part of it. There is part of me that winces at the thought of bearing a title that has done so much harm; but a larger part of me wants it, wants to reclaim it from that harm and use it for good. Likewise, I do enjoy my role on the periphery, and being able to hop around spiritual homes, and getting ordained could complicate that s bit, but I could make it work.

No. The main reason I’ve been dragging my heels after coming this far, and while having so many people in my corner: I don’t think I’m worthy.

I can’t imagine myself holding up the bread and wine and proclaiming it the body and blood of Christ and feeling like anything but a fraud. “Get away from the altar, who do you think you are!”

I can’t picture myself baptizing someone or declaring a couple married without feeling skeptical that it “counted.”

I can only imagine myself feeling like I’m playing pretend, dressing up as a priest when really I’m just…god, a silly little girl who has no right to wear a stole and claim to speak for God.

Ouch. The internalized misgendering is a punch in the gut — but that’s what’s in my brain.

The internalized ableism is also painfully clear in a way I can’t believe I’ve been repressing all this time: I’m almost 29 years old, but I feel like a little kid. I infantilize myself, all the time, because of how my autistic body moves and autistic mind thinks and the limitations of how much work I can make my autistic self do before I break down.

Regarding the feeling of not having a “right to speak for God”: The funny thing is my denomination doesn’t claim pastors “speak for God” except insofar as every human can! But my Catholic roots run deep, and not just into the nourishing stuff but the toxic stuff too. I’m acknowledging that more honestly lately since the whole Pentecost incident — that there are parts of my psyche that still haven’t unlearned the Catholic way of putting clergy on a pedestal. And of course I don’t measure up through that lens!

I don’t know how to unpack all this right now. I feel overwhelmed and startled that this has been stagnating here in my brain, weighing down my spirit, without me even realizing. Just naming it is a good start, but where do I go from here?

Whew. Holy crap. Even as I say that as if I want to untangle all this enough to finally get ordained, part of my brain rebels — “no, you’re right about being unworthy! You’re too childish, too unstable, too flawed! Don’t try to convince yourself otherwise!”

What a mess. When I was so sure I believed at a core level that pastors are not in some way “more holy” than anyone else; and also that there can and should and must be more than cishet abled men in clerical roles. How has all this crap been festering in my psyche this whole time??

I can’t help but laugh a little! How fascinating!

Lately I’ve been reflecting on and praying to Mary in her role as Untier of Knots. Well, Mother, here’s a whole tangled mess for you to help me pull apart! I certainly need the help.

#log #summer 2023 #internalized ableism :/ #internalized transphobia //

[jay-jp-art]

hey hey, do you mind sharing your akiyama headcanons? just saw ur tags talking abt how theyre dark and im very interested!!!! your fem ryuaki fuels me in ways i cannot describe and i havent even played dead souls FHKGJG and your tanimuras have my whole entire heart!!!

Oh wow first of all THANK YOU for the ask!! It's been only couple days since I've discovered I've had them disabled all this time so I'm very happy I noticed it before you found my blog (,:

I've already complained a bit on twt that when I've started to write down ryuaki headcanons, it prompted me to make a 35+ pages google doc with meta on both of them 😅 It pushed me to write more fun drafts tho, so all is well, but it won't fit in this post for sure ahbfght

But ofc, I will share a little about Shun specifically. (TW for implied SA)

Akiyama... I have complicated feelings about him, because on the one hand, he got betrayed by his closest people, lost all the standing in society and lived as a homeless person for a long time, and that's a big trauma to have. But on the other... He's got back up by a miracle, and now he's trying to recreate the miracle for others. He assumes the role of a judge for other people while himself being too young, too flawed, having black and white morals.

(In Y4 I downright despised Akiyama when he refused a loan to an abused woman on the basis that she didn't want to apply for sex work, but in the same substory gave some cringefail guy 4 chances to complete the test just because it was amusing.)

But I've just completed Y5, and it gave me lots of food for thought.

First of all, from what I see, Shun here was written (rewritten?) as a more sympathetic character. For example, now when it's implied that he's gonna make some woman "use her body" for the loan, it means he's sending her to work on the construction site. Well, alright. I'll take the bad taste joke over previous cases.

There's also an important quest when Akiyama meets his former boss, who not only initially fired him on false accusations, which started his downfall, but also married his ex-fiancée. And Akiyama finally admits that at first, he wanted to use his position as a loan shark to be selfish and to get revenge, but got disgusted with himself after seeing some humanity and principles in the former boss.

So, here finally comes self-awareness about his actions. Interesting tidbit.

Another big part of the character building we see now: when he is alone in Osaka, without Hana around, he's a complete mess. His new office is dirty, he barely eats some instant ramen and clearly just uses the place to escape Tokyo and the responsibilities he created himself. If in Y4 we saw him within his element, managing Elise and doing loan business (with a messy table because he's just soooo quirky and lazyyy \s), then in Y5 we get to see a bit of what's inside his head. And it's not pretty.

He's clearly distancing himself - from Hana and his new yakuza friends, because they have their own lives to care about. (Tanimura too mayhaps, but this is a separate friendship that I also like to talk about a lot)

Aaand he escapes to his ugly nook to have his ugly depressive thoughts. Can't let them witness it, can he? They'd lose all the respect for him.

At the same time, he throws himself into helping Haruka with passion, because that's the thing he actually cares about, for the first time in a couple years. (He also provides her with some much-needed parenting about the importance of being selfish, because, being raised by Kiryu, she's entirely too self-sacrificing.)

And suddenly - he's lively and energetic again, he's bouncing off other characters, he risks his life for what he deems right, he's helpful, organizing, charming. He's everywhere.

(But he's also afraid to acknowledge that he's got too close to people again. So he's ready to literally die for them and Haruka's dream, but avoids calling them friends, settling for "acquaintances")

Not much needed to imagine that, after everything settles down, he falls apart again. Because in his head he's never really needed or too important for the people around. They carry on with their life and plans. Such as Eri, Arai, Yasuko. Even Hana got fed up and left at some point, and has been keeping him at an arm's length since. (Good for her, that was unhealthy)

He's not only not that interesting, his trauma is "ugly" (by his self-admission). It's not heroic and it's very mundane. There's no clear villains to blame, like with Majima's torture in Y0.

It's just - waking up is hard. Akiyama can't see the point in much of what he's doing anymore. Money is just paper for him now, they might have bought him the freedom of choice, but somehow it didn't help. Even with all the financial help to struggling people he can't buy healing for himself. Most alive he felt actually was when he lost the money briefly in Y4 - it made him work to get them back again.

Now it gets a bit tricky, hence the TW.

I think that a lot of things about him actually make sense, if while living on the streets, he had it bad enough to the point of selling himself for food. Like, I don't want to make it into torture porn or downplay the traumatic experience of homelessness overall, but something for sure ruined him and his self-perception. That's why he's bouncing between playing a self-righteous entity and hating himself.

Aside from his crippling depression from all this being shunned deep inside and not addressed, there's the attitude about sex work I've mentioned he has in Y4. He is distancing himself from the situation yet again. A little bit of a trick to calm his mind: "If I treat it like every other job, it won't feel as dehumanizing applied to myself". And also: "Well, I was not above doing that! I was not too proud to do it! Why should anyone else be?"

Now, of course he doesn't want to subject his former boss (and, by extension, Eri) to the same hardships. Even though he is, actually, a bit of a cruel person.

So here's Akiyama in Y4-5. Not super pretty and kind of greasy, but nevertheless charming, gallant and crazy smart. Fighting and dancing and singing and networking equally well. VERY annoying, because he considers himself an expert in all things he read about even once (I also hc him eidetic memory, which makes it worse). And with every year getting more secluded and miserable.

That being said, fem ryuaki has slightly different tone even in all-fem AU because of gender expectations. Akiyama's upbringing for example.

I hc his parents seeing him as this very "proper" son, encouraging his risk-taking neurodivergent activity ONLY when it helped to build onto that image. They happily bragged about their son - with prestigious business degree, good banking job and pretty fiancée. But ofc, when it's all came crashing down, they didn't want to hear about him anymore. Nowadays they acknowledge his existance with some disdain, because they care about reputation more then about him or his wealth. And he has some "disgusting jobs, no respectable friends and no wife".

(It's all kinda complicated from both sides, mb I'll get deeper into it in fanfic that I'm writing)

(And forgive me for saying this, but fem Akiyama is more interesting for me to write in this narrative, because she needed to balance fitting "proper little quiet Japanese woman" with her loud banking career, and while she was always openly feminine, she was never proper or quiet "enough". And now she's "not enough" among actual living legends.)

Well, that's all I have to say for now!

I'm always open for further questions and discussions 😊

#jay's askbox #ryu ga gotoku #shun akiyama #headcanon #rgg meta #yakuza #akiyama shun

[oysters-aint-for-me]

(Tw fictional suicide) Omg fellow Good Place finale disliker? I don't like how it resolves literally every problem in the afterlife and gives the main characters anything they want for as long as they want it, up to and including inventing Suicide 2 in case they get bored of eternal happiness. It's an unsatisfying ending for me after so much of the show was about how human life is short and imperfect.

oooh my god like i said don't even get me STARTED on why i hated the good place finale EXCEPT I WILL

okay so like you said - i hated that the solution to the afterlife was literally just eternal bliss plus the Suicide 2 Electric Boogaloo Door. like. that solved no problems, really. people cannot live in eternal bliss without it become not blissful at some point. and the solution to that CAN'T just be "go through the suicide door!" because oh my god that is SO SIMPLE and also, like, would make the people left behind sad, which would mean life wasn't blissful for them anymore, making it no longer the good place, you know? like...life has to be a LITTLE hard in order for the moments of joy to be, well, enjoyable. i really believed that the writers knew this and that the solution to the good place wouldn't be just "heaven with the option to die at the end"

second of all they did NOTHING to revamp the points system. people "on earth" were judged by the exact same parameters that had been the problem in the first place. the points system was flawed. in SO MANY WAYS. and the show acknowledged those ways! and yet. it stayed exactly the same.

my third and biggest problem with the ending was the "series of trials" that they decided to put everyone through after their "first life" on earth. you know, like, someone would live on earth, die, and then their points would be their points. then that someone would be tested over and over and over again until they became a better person and got into the good place. i have several issues with that but for now i'll talk about just three

how fucked up is that?! think of all the times the main four humans learned that they were actually in the bad place, or actually being tested, or whatever. they were ALWAYS unhappy about it. OF COURSE. also - they almost always figured it out. so they're just expecting no one else to pick up on a scheme that someone picked up on ALMOST EVERY TIME in beta? with no improvements?

in one episode, in the middle of all the reboots, they're at mindy st. claire's medium place house after they've figured out (again) that they're actually being tortured and rebooted. chidi says to eleanor something like "this is an epistemological nightmare. we keep getting rebooted so we can't actually learn anything because we can't remember." AND YET THAT IS EXACTLY THE SOLUTION HE PROPOSES - the series of trials after death, the rebooting, all of it. and everyone agrees to it. they only add the caveat that people will be able to hear a "little voice" that tells them to do the right thing, and that "little voice" will learn over time - but that feels like a cop out. that doesn't actually help US HUMANS who are WATCHING THE SHOW improve

the solution doesn't fix anything on earth! everyone on earth can go on being an asshole or whatever, or trying to be good and ultimately failing, and the world will just keep getting worse, while people improve ONLY in the afterlife through their series of trials?! come ON. you're just making a million multiverses for each person that dies while completely ignoring what is happening on earth. the earth is unimportant in the good place finale. no one gets better there, no one learns. okay, fine, whatever, earth sucks - except earth is where the VIEWERS of the SHOW live, and we'd like to learn how to be good in a world that is increasingly too complicated to support being good, thank you very much.

i guess my thing is like, how does the ending help US? what does it teach US about doing good on earth, with all its confusion and complications? all it teaches us is to "listen to the little voice," but real ethics isn't as simple as that. REAL moral problems aren't as simple. i guess maybe i was expecting too much from a network sitcom, but i really felt like i'd been tricked or something. i thought i was watching something more intelligent than it really was.

#i just rewatched the good place too and my opinion has not changed #the show is fun until the fourth season #and the fourth season was exactly as disappointing as i remembered #tw suicide #asks #anonymous

[hamliet]

why did Justin fall for Brian?

Probably because Brian was unashamedly himself and provided him the first opportunity for Justin to be himself, out and open, not just in words but in action. He was gay, and Brian helped him express those desires without any shame or fear.

Justin was scared to come out. He hadn't even told Daphne. When he does later on, his father does reject him, and his mother, while she ends up being awesome, had some really flawed moments because she was human too. So, his fears weren't unfounded. I think it's pretty clear that he gets the idea that love is conditional long before his father told him not to come home if he was going to live a "disgusting lifestyle." He tells Brian that his mom said she wished she never had him in the shower in episode one, after all; whether or not Jennifer ever actually said that (because it's clearly not true), he certainly got that impression.

Justin expresses that he can't go home that first night and gets caught lying to Brian about his age. But, instead of kicking him out--which he'd have been in the right to do--Brian doesn't dump Justin on the curb. He takes him with him. Plus, Brian then takes care to give Justin a good first time--he wasn't just focusing on his own pleasure, on taking what he wanted, which is something that the penetrative partner in sex can do. He took care to make sure Justin enjoyed himself, and likely Justin hadn't previously had someone ensure that he was simply enjoying an aspect of life that a great deal of society at that time would look askance at.

Also, Brian (later in the series) tells Justin that it was obvious he was "fucking terrified" that first time, and that "we're all a little scared our first time." It's not that you shouldn't be afraid to be fully yourself, to go after what you want--it's just that it shouldn't stop you. He doesn't tell Justin that Justin shouldn't feel the way he feels--even when that feeling is fear. Instead, Brian acknowledges it and helps Justin do what he wants anyways. This stands in sharp contrast to, say, Ethan, who tells Justin not to be nervous or afraid whenever he is.

Despite coming across like a selfish asshole, Brian ironically listens to Justin that night. He names his kid what Justin suggested, slows down when he asks him to, and helps him relax. So in a basic sense, Brian acknowledges Justin's feelings and thoughts, and that helped him feel valued--even if Brian was literally only thinking of Justin as a one-night stand whose name he couldn't even remember.

Of course, Brian is not a simple character who is only a jerk, or even a character who just goes after what he wants (which Justin at first thinks he is, and then discovers he isn't). Brian is unashamedly himself only on one level. He actually hides his hurting self and what that vulnerable inner child wants (love and to live) deep inside.

I've said before and will say again that Justin upfront decided that he loved Brian because of what Brian represented to him (safety, pleasure, a lack of shame), and then spent the rest of the series learning what loving Brian actually meant as a parallel to learning to love himself. People are complicated. They fuck up. They are contradictory. But they are beautiful.

#ask hamliet #qaf #queer as folk us 2000 #queer as folk meta #qaf meta #britin #britin meta #brian kinney #justin taylor

[superectojazzmage]

Ahsoka Review

So far, this show is like a weird middle ground on the whole rollercoaster of quality that has been the Disney+ Star Wars shows. It’s nowhere near as fantastic as Mandalorian seasons 1 and 2, Bad Batch, and Andor. But it’s also not anywhere as godawful as Kenobi, Book of Boba Fett, and Mandalorian season 3 ended up being.

Acting is all over the place. On one end, you have Ray Stevenson (God rest his soul), Natasha Liu Bordizzo, Eman Esfandi, Diana Lee Inosanto, Clancy Brown, and David Tennant all giving great or at least good performances but occasionally hitting points where they’re clearly struggling to make their dialogue sound like actual human speech. On the other end you have Rosario Dawson talking like she’s either weirdly smug or on Valium with no in-between; my feelings on her as Ahsoka have definitely soured a lot as time goes on, she’s just so emotionless and robotic and when she isn’t doing that, she comes off as unlikably self-righteous. And then you have Mary Elizabeth Winstead really trying her best despite not being a great pick for Hera and Ivanna Sakhno who hasn’t really gotten much of anything to do so far.

Writing is even more hit and miss. One second, it’s perfectly serviceable, the next very clunky, but it’s never really as good as in most other Star Wars works. It’s a bit like the dialogue in the Prequels; more concerned with conveying exposition to the audience than sounding like natural conversation. Some of the character interactions work really well, some don’t. Some of the humor lands really great, some doesn’t.

Music is absolutely AMAZING. Kevin Kiner is a godsend.

Fight scenes are pretty good. Not groundbreaking but definitely enjoyable. Choreography is good and the characters usually actually feel like they’re trying to kill each other rather than getting way too showy like the Prequels could. Sabine and Shin’s dual definitely is going to awaken things in the lesbians.

The story succumbs to the “making things too complicated and messy and lore-breaking” flaw that the Sequels did. What is the point of this Star Map when the Imperial Remnant is already in contact with Thrawn? How is Thrawn in contact with the Remnant AT ALL given that he’s apparently in a different galaxy entirely? Why was the Map hidden away in an old Nightsister temple like it’d been there for centuries instead of being in Imperial Remnant custody and how did Morgan know it would lead to Thrawn? How did Nightsisters even get ahold of this thing? Who are these mysterious extragalactic beings? I’m sure some of these mysteries will be explained as we go, but I’m also kinda scared they WON’T be and I furthermore feel like the story is just throwing in unnecessary complications; literally why are we dropping the world-breaking bombshell of going to another galaxy instead of just having Thrawn be in the Unknown Regions like in Legends? The whole “bootstrapping a bunch of hyperdrives together” thing would actually kinda make sense if they were just going to the Unknown Regions, but another galaxy entirely?

”It’s not loyalty, it’s greed”. I see we will NOT be having any moral complexity in our Star Wars today. Especially hilarious because Ahsoka’s assessment there doesn’t even match the events onscreen at all and the situation actually portrayed feels very much like it should have depth to it, the show just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Disappointing, given how good of a job Andor and early Mandalorian did at depicting things in a nuanced light.

This show tips the New Republic from merely over-stretched, over-bureaucratic, and deeply flawed to downright criminally incompetent. It was one thing when Mando season 3 showed one or two Imperial spies subverting the broken system for their own ends. It’s another for this show to have AN ENTIRE MAJOR SHIPYARD be Imperial spies operating directly under the Republic’s nose. It’s like they’re trying to make us feel happy the First Order is gonna blow it up.

Pacing is… odd. It’s a very easygoing and slow story, which is very good as it gives the characters and events time needed to breathe, but there are times where it can feel like it’s really dragging out scenes that other stories would’ve sped through in the name of getting to the damn point.

Bizarrely, despite this being supposedly being Ahsoka’s show, every other character feels much more meaningful, likable, and pivotal to the narrative. Sabine is a great protagonist, Hera is still the Space Mom we know and love, Huyang is a fun sidekick, Baylen Skoll is really interesting as an antagonist, Thrawn and Ezra cast a palatable shadow over the plot without even directly appearing, and so on. Meanwhile Ahsoka feels like a prop.

Thank God Chopper is still committing war crimes.

The best way I can describe the plot so far is like it’s somehow simultaneously holding itself back and doing too much, if that makes sense. It’s jumping into territory that could easily hurt it and other works in the setting, but also seems too antsy to commit to doing something genuinely daring.

All in all, this is pretty much Rebels Season 5 but in live action, and it’s a very hit and miss affair. It’s enjoyable so far, but I’ll have to see what direction Filoni takes the subsequent episodes in before deciding whether or not this is a good series or goes in the “not my canon” trashcan.

#star wars #ahsoka #ahsoka series #ahsoka show #star wars ahsoka #ahsoka spoilers #sw ahsoka #star wars legends #star wars rebels #star wars the clone wars #the mandalorian #star wars expanded universe #dave filoni #star wars andor #andor #book of boba fett #kenobi series #kenobi show #the bad batch

[red-hood-vigilante]

Also speaking of the Trials, that moment when Dean brought up past mistakes from years ago that sam made that he should atone for in the church, good grief I know family ties can be complicated but there have been a few times when I really wanted sam to deck dean and just go on a vacation away from him, and this was one of those moments (one of many if I'm being honest)

It feels like Dean is always judging sam for past 'mistakes' and has never fully forgiven him even after he says that he has, but he has no issue moving past other people's transgressions. Like I don't agree that Sam is fully to blame for the apocalypse since the angels and demons AND dean had a hand in it but no one ever mentions anyone else, just the role sam played in it. I don't understand how anyone considers dean blameless for breaking the first seal, but then they put all the blame on sam for breaking the last seal as if he wasn't manipulated in to it (I don't know if cas ever apologised to sam for for his role in manipulating him but I really bloody hope so)

Dean eventually just came off as so self righteous and high and mighty that for the life of me I couldn't figure out why anyone even liked his character anymore, except for his looks. I imagine he does have some redeeming moments but not nearly enough to justify the writers turning spn into more about Dean than both brothers

omfg i will be aggravated about dean's "list of sam's wrongdoings" until the day i die 💀💀how did he say that with his chest and zero shame istg every single thing he pulled out of his ass were things that either a) weren't sam's fault because it was outside of his control b) something he was lied to about and/or manipulated into doing or c) a combination of the two

AND whenever sam's past is brought everybody conveniently leaves out the part about how he sent lucifer back to hell at the expense of himself to be tortured for all eternity and accepted this as punishment of simply existing as lucifer's vessel which was never a thing he could control to begin with!! angels flat out said multiple times that letting lucifer out of hell to fight adam was a plan they set in motion long long time ago

speaking of angels. castiel. my guy in a dirty trenchcoat. how are you gonna blame sam for making the wrong choices when you kept vital information under wraps for an entire year - information that would help sam make an informed decision

i think for dean, not many knew he broke the first seal, i think only sam and the angels knew + some demons but no human side characters, while sam breaking the final seal became pretty public knowledge through word of mouth after lucifer's release. in addition, sam being lucifer's vessel, being prophesized as the next boy king to rule hell and having demon blood in him made all the "good guys" despise him bc in the eyes of angels and many hunters, sam was closer to demon than human. to some degree, being on the outside here not knowing the full picture i get the fear and anger directed specifically at sam way more than dean but in that case, dean and castiel should've helped lift sam's spirits and ease his guilt by acknowledging their own part in lucifer's comeback, even when they too were manipulated and lied into doing it.

dean does indeed have his moments but they are unfortunately few and far between post-kripke and it's such a shame that they wrote dean the way they did bc the charm and core of the show is the complicated, flawed and dysfunctional yet compelling, believable and caring relationship between the brothers. writers post-kripke were so often close to saying something or having a breakthrough with dean and/or sam but somehow avoided that every time the opportunity arose, which is kinda impressive actually, and lost a lot of what made the characters and by extension the show so intriguing to begin with

#supernatural #iben spoke #dean critical #sam winchester #dean winchester

[cosmicjoke]

i wonder if you agree with me

but the relationship between levi and erwin seems kind of toxic to me

i feel like erwin saw levi mostly as a tool

i am not denyung they had a mutual trust between them, but i think it was levi who saw him more as a friend

erwin probably also saw him as a friend but i think levi was more of a tool to him

he seems to see everyone as such

I can see where your view would come from, for sure. I think, for a long time, Erwin basically had to lie to himself in order to keep operating, is the thing. Deep down, he knew the people around him were people, the people he was sending out their into the field and to their probable deaths. And so, in order to do his job, Erwin had to bury any sort of sentimental feeling he might have had, and operate with a dispassionate and removed attitude.

Out of everyone, his relationship with Levi is surely the most complicated. In many ways, in the beginning, Erwin DID use Levi. He manipulated and orchestrated an entire scenario which essentially ripped Levi and his family out of the only world they had ever known, and thrust them into a situation which ultimately lead to the deaths of Levi's best friends in Furlan and Isabel. And Erwin did all of this because he wanted Levi's strength, knowing it would bring him closer to his goal of finding out the truth about what lay beyond the walls. Taking all of that into consideration, I can definitely see why some people would view Erwin as being toxic for Levi.

The thing is, though, is that in the end, Erwin basically exposed his true self, when he confesses the truth behind his motivation, not being humanities victory, but his own desire to learn the truth, and the extreme guilt he's been carrying, how sick he's been made by the choices he's had to make in order to advance the cause, whether that be his own, personal goal, or that of the Survey Corps. And he chooses to confess these things to only one person, that person being Levi. To me, that speaks to a deep trust and bond that Erwin felt toward Levi, above probably anyone else. He trusted Levi to learn these less than admirable things about him and not reject him for it, and Levi proved himself worthy of that trust, because he doesn't reject Erwin. Instead, he stays by his side, and acknowledges Erwin as a great leader. I always say about Levi that he's the least judgemental character in AoT, and it's moments like this which I think stand as proof of that. Most people would have been appalled by Erwin's confession. They would have turned away from him, disgusted that the man they'd idolized turned out to just be a flawed and, in some ways, frail human being. They would have rejected him for disappointing them. But Levi didn't do that. He was angry, at first, of course. He felt hurt by it, and confused. But in the end, he accepted it, and remained loyal and retained his belief in Erwin as a leader. Erwin knew he could trust Levi with the dark truth, because he knew also that Levi was probably the most human out of all of them, the one with the biggest and most open heart. He knew Levi would understand.

And the thing too is, Levi kept that truth to himself. He held on to it, and didn't tell another living soul about what Erwin confessed to him, and in doing so, he took on the burden of other people's judgements, allowing them to believe he'd made a selfish choice by letting Erwin die, and choosing Armin to live. Levi knew Erwin was done, that he couldn't take any more of the burden of being the commander of the SC, and that, to go on for him would destroy him, and destroy his last minute redemption. Levi knew that, but nobody else knows that. They just saw Levi making a choice which they thought was purely personal, and they blamed him for the loss of the best commander they'd ever had. And Levi kept Erwin's secret, I think, to preserve Erwin's legacy, to protect his reputation and the respect people felt toward him. That's how good of a friend Levi is. He took on the burden of other people's judgment and disapproval to protect Erwin, and it's that quality in Levi, again, that non-judgemental quality, that Erwin trusted in, that allowed Erwin to finally reveal who he really was. It's in seeing the disapproval of other characters (and hell, even in the real world with some readers/viewers) for Levi's choice that really drives home just how right Erwin was to trust Levi and Levi alone with his secret. Levi was the only one who he knew wouldn't reject him for it. Everyone else was too caught up in their own, personal perception of right and wrong. Levi's never been like that. Levi's never presumed to tell anyone what's right and what's wrong. To condemn someone for being imperfect.

In the end, I think Erwin saw Levi as his best and, in some ways, only real friend. The only person he could really be himself around. So, to me, that proves Erwin didn't view Levi as only a tool. I think he knew and saw Levi as the most human person he'd ever met.

#Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith

[dykedragonrider]

Finished Halo 3 and that's just a good fucking game. Bittersweet in a nice way.

The Gravemind is such a sick antagonist. Much like Halo 2 a lot of this is just "this shit is cool" but again, it speaks in fucking rhymes! The temporary alliance with the Flood to stop the ignition because well, enemy of my enemy is *also* really cool because I feel like that moment sells the Gravemind's fatal flaw better than the logs did? It wants to survive at any cost, and that was a really good way to do the fear and desperation. The Elites have also become just. One of my favorite alien races? I feel like they're very easy to empathize with and there's a pretty nuanced relationship between them, the humans, and the Covenant? Arbiters being a way that their entire way of life and independence was subjugated by villifying revolutionaries to keep the masses under their thumb is both smart as shit and incredibly harrowing. Arbiter is really cool in particular given his complicated relationship and development, like. Guy's just working to do the best he can for people, and he acknowledges his past and it's not at all excused. "Were that it were so easy" is a really good note for him to end things off on on the note of his forgiveness, because I think that's a really good way to show just how mature he is, not that he needed to mature but it's a demonstration of that degree of life experience.

I think something I wasn't super into though was the terminals here. I liked them as the recordings they were in 1+2 and the difficulty lock is annoying. It might just be a me thing but I feel like looking things like this up always makes it harder for me to process the information within and like. I'm not good at shooter games, and Halo is not an easy game for me to play. I could grind it out but I'd feel like that's wasted time, it's just a shame bc 1+2 were good about their terminals!

I do really get why these are games my girlfriend wanted to show me because they're kinda campy, kinda silly, but with a lot of good and legitimately interesting ideas behind them. I'd appreciate more depth, but what's there is good enough and I think we weren't as hard into the "games as art" idea as we've been now, so that might explain why I feel like it's missing some, but again, what's there is good enough. It ends the series well, and I think the tragic yet hopeful ending works for something about space war that's been simmered in thousands of years of authoritarianism, lies, and people who did something unforgivable that they knew was that way.

#tsunny reviews #halo #i am now a certified gravemind simp