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theminecraftbee · 7 months

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There are several things Martyn realizes, all at once, when he opens his eyes:

He is dreaming.

It's one of those in-between dreams, the ones that aren't quite dreams.

He is sitting at a green felted table. It is sitting on a stage. The lighting is dim, and no one is watching, but out of the corner of his eye he can see the stagehands dressed in black, waiting.

He is not the only one sitting at the table. There is a Watcher, draped in purple. There is a Listener, draped in yellow. There is someone he recognizes in a red sweater. There is someone he thinks he should recognize, but can't quite, shuffling a deck of cards.

"Right. What's all this, then," he mutters.

We are playing blackjack, the Listener says.

We are deciding the rules, the Watcher says.

"It's not like we have anything better to do. Honestly, I'm glad you're here. Do you know how boring these guys are?" Grian says, and Martyn decides to quietly file Grian away as a dream-Grian, as opposed to real-life-Grian, so he doesn't go insane and/or stab him when he wakes up. He waits for the almost-familiar dealer to say something. He does not. After another few moments of awkward nonsense dream-silence, Martyn sighs and leans forward on the table.

"Sure, this might as well be happening," Martyn says. "Deal me in. How's the betting work, again?"

"You put your bet on the table. If you beat the dealer, you get to add it to the game," Grian explains. "If you don't beat the dealer, it takes it."

"Yeah, but like, that's abstract, isn't it? What does that mean, exactly, me losing what I bet if I don't beat the dealer," Martyn says.

Grian shrugs. "Don't ask me. To be honest, I'm hardly the storyteller you are."

"Me? Why are you acting like I have any control over these things when you're--"

Are you ready to play?

Martyn shuts up, looks at the Listener, and sighs. "Yeah, sure, I'm ready to play. Why not."

The dealer looks to its left. Grian sighs. "Why are you making me bet first. Again. We should rotate where we're sitting--fine, fine, I know it's an advantage because I'm the worst at this. Uh. Hm. No trading or giving away lives again. Not even as time or something. It makes the dynamics all weird, and I think we could use a nice straightforward death game next time."

(Martyn wants to roll his eyes. Nice and straightforward. Sure.)

The Watcher goes next. I would like there to be deep and wonderful bonds between the players. I would like those bonds to seem unbreakable.

"Coming from you, that's ominous," Martyn says.

Can I not just miss the alliances of the early days? the Watcher says.

"Never left the desert," Grian says, rolls his eyes, and looks at Martyn in commiseration. Martyn just stares back. So sue him, he's a bit more worried about this whole concept than an eye roll and a pithy phrase. Things Watchers want are rarely good.

When the bonds are enforced, they're less interesting, complains the Listener.

Martyn looks over sharply. Hey, wait, he thought--

I didn't say they had to be enforced by rule. I said they had to be deep. Encouraged, as opposed to discouraged.

Just saying. You'll never recapture Third Life.

Martyn swallows. His throat is dry. Weren't the Listeners supposed to be the good guys, here?

Besides, what I want is for each death to be meaningful again. They've felt too meaningless, lately, the Listener continues.

Martyn thinks the dealer raises an eyebrow, but it strikes him he's not exactly sure. Grian snorts. "Meaningful deaths. That's rich for you to say. I mean, I guess they're meaningful sometimes? I don't know, Martyn's the one who understands dramatic sacrifices, I just like killing things."

"Why do you keep on looking at me when you say those things," Martyn says.

"Look, you wouldn't be here if you weren't helping write," Grian says.

"What?" Martyn says.

We're here to play our cards for the story, the Watcher says. Aren't you also one of the authors?

"Me? What? No, I'm--what are you talking about," Martyn says.

Oh, well. I also hope your meaningful deaths make it in, the Watcher says the Listener.

Thanks, even if I disagree on the bonds, the Listener says.

"They hardly ever talk about real, concrete rules they want," complains Grian. "It's easier to understand the consequence if they bring up actual rules. Like boogeyman or no boogeyman."

"We're all just betting on cards!" Martyn says, throwing his hands up. "You're giving me a headache!"

It's your bet.

"Fine!" Martyn says. "Fine! You know what? Screw all of you. I hope this is the last one. I hope we never have to go back to that stupid death game. I hope it's miserable to watch or to listen to or to play and everyone just gives up. How's that for a bet?"

You're no fun.

Is that what you really want?

"Suit yourself," Grian says. "Honestly, if I still had that to bet, I guess I probably would."

"What do you mean, if you still had that to bet?"

"Well, I mean, that's not how blackjack works, is it? I don't just get back my in when I play it."

The dealer nods, and then silently, with a long bony hand, deals the cards.

Grian is dealt the four of diamonds. The Watcher is dealt the nine of spades. The Listener is dealt the five of clubs. Martyn is dealt a jack of spades. The dealer deals itself a seven of hearts. The dealer deals Grian a six of clubs--

"Hey, isn't that supposed to be face-down?" Martyn asks.

"Not here," Grian explains. "They're all face up so we can't touch the cards. So we don't have to. So we can't cheat."

"Who said anything about cheating?" Martyn says.

"Please," Grian says.

The dealer makes a hand motion. Martyn, grumpily, falls silent. He supposes they're playing by casino rules, then. He hasn't been in a casino since--he wouldn't know. Hard to remember anything that isn't this, isn't it? Isn't killing and dying and things out of his control and things very much in his control and, apparently, bizarre dream sequences designed to make him want to strangle Grian.

Anyway. Grian is dealt a six of clubs, giving him ten. The Watcher is given an eight of spades, giving it seventeen. The Listener is dealt a king of hearts, giving it fifteen. Martyn is given a six of clubs, giving him sixteen. The dealer deals its own second card face-down. Martyn stops to try to speak, and then shuts his mouth. Right. Dealer's advantage.

He stares at the numbers.

Grian sighs. "Well, I've got to double down, don't I? Fine. I want the whole 'red lives can kill' thing to be enforced somehow. I don't care how. There's my double down."

The dealer nods.

"Why would you want that," Martyn says blankly.

If we all win, that will be interesting with the bonds, the Watcher says mildly.

Grian shrugs. "I mean, we've enforced red names not befriending green names, but not the murder thing before. Figure we should switch up the game, right?"

"Why?" Martyn says again.

Well, it wouldn't do for it to be boring.

"No, not that. Just... isn't it easier to handle when the rules are laid out properly?"

Martyn throws his hands up, but stops arguing. The dealer gives Grian a face-down card. The dealer moves to the next party at the table.

The Watcher looks over at the dealer and makes a cutting-off motion. I stand.

The dealer moves on. Hit me, the Listener says, and is dealt the queen of diamonds. The Listener gestures to Martyn. It seems I bust. Pity. I suppose there will be no guarantee of meaning, then. Not what I'd prefer.

The dealer looks at Martyn. Martyn looks at the other hands. Martyn pauses.

"Wait, this is like, casino blackjack, yeah? I'm only playing against you, not the whole table?"

"Why would you be playing against us?" Grian says. "Writing's a collaborative process."

Martyn looks entreatingly at the Listener, but the Listener is a little too caught up in the bad hand it has been dealt. Martyn looks entreatingly at the Watcher, but the Watcher just looks somehow confused.

"I was under the impression that, I don't know, you all were adversarial."

Why? All we want is the same thing as you: the story to be told a certain way.

Martyn's not sure if he's furious or just numb.

"Fine. Got a sixteen, don't I? Hit me."

Two of spades.

He's furious. He wants to win against the dealer. He wants to win against everyone. He wants his idea to make it through. He has an eighteen, though. There are only two numbers in the deck that will not bust him, and he's no fool. Hitting on sixteen is a risk enough; if he wants his stupid bet of everything finally ending to make it through, he's got to hold here.

"I hold," he says through gritted teeth.

The dealer silently deals itself another card. A three of hearts. Distantly, Martyn's ears rush. He could have taken that. He could have taken the hit. He could have won. He could have had blackjack, and he doesn't know what the extra payout for blackjack even means in a game like this one, but he could have had it, and he held back, he didn't take the risk, he didn't--

The dealer flips up its cards. Seven, eight, three. Eighteen.

Martyn's heart pounds. A stand-off.

Grian flips up his own card and groans. It's a five of diamonds. "There goes that bet," he mutters.

The dealer makes a sweeping motion around the table. The Watcher smiles, a terrible, terrible thing. Martyn, all at once, realizes that he can't ask again. He can't say 'this is guaranteed to be the last one' again. He backs out of his chair. To the sides, he sees the stagehands change the lighting. A spotlight, on him and the dealer--

"That isn't fair," he says. "It's a tie. I should get my bet back, right? It's a tie!"

THAT IS WHERE WE DIFFER FROM THE HOUSES IN VEGAS, the dealer says, and Martyn's heart stops.

(The voice is familiar. Familiar, but he cannot place it.)

YOU SEE, IN THIS GAME, THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THING THAT HAS AN ADVANTAGE. ONE THING THE STORY IS ALWAYS PLAYING AGAINST. ONE THING, THAT INEVITABLY, AFTER LONG ENOUGH PLAYING, WILL WIN.

There, the dealer looks Martyn in the eyes, and Martyn, all at once, knows exactly what the dealer must be.

AND THAT IS ME.

Martyn stares Death in the eyes.

Then, in a cold sweat, Martyn wakes up.

He does not sleep again for a long time.

#trafficblr #martyn inthelittlewood #grian #the watchers #the listeners #a bee fic #this is me getting ALL OF MY MOST PRETENTIOUS URGES OUT before i go write more giftfic #literally all my most favoritest pretentious tropes. death personified. weird audience/writer avatar watchers and listeners. cards.#the series abstracted as a stage show. martyn being tired and confused.#really really ominous portents of the next game that hasn't actually happened yet #this is what self-indulgence looks like. if you're me.#there could not be. a more me fic.#anyway. ANYWAY. martyn doesn't understand why he's here. but why WOULDN'T he be here?#out of everyone in the series he's one of the ones who shapes the narrative the most after all

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neighborlystudios · 5 months

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・﹒・ stressed and...alone?

Summary: Jax comforting stressed reader headcanons!

Warnings: None

Pairing: Jax x GN!reader

▶ You had been in the hellscape that was the digital circus for an unknown amount of time, Caine didn't have the programming required to keep track of the real world

▶ However, long enough to have caught the eyes of a certain purple rabbit

▶ You two didn't really talk much since you thought he was quite rude and often played shitty pranks on you, but that didn't mean he never noticed when you started acting weird

▶ Caine's main goal was to keep everyone sane and alive, but some people simply can't take it anymore and abstracts

▶ Everything about the place was starting to get you and you tried to hide it, yet it wasn't well enough

▶ You were hiding out in your room when the door creeped open, revealing Jax staring at you with an unimpressed look on his face

▶ "Ya know, if you abstract, I'll have one less person to mess with"

▶ Was that really his way of consoling you?

▶ Scoffing, you roll your eyes and look the other way towards the wall, adjusting your position in the chair in front of your desk

▶ "Seriously, get out of this room. Caine has a new adventure and he wants you to join"

▶ "Are you sure this isn't some elaborate prank?"

▶ "I'm sure, now come on" it was only when he got closer he noticed the way your face was definitely not in a normal state

▶ "How do you ever get used to this place?" Your voice was shaky as you placed both hands over your head and leaned over on the table, not being able to understand how he hasn't gone mad yet

▶ "Honestly? I never did" he sounded...softer...less aggressive as he gently placed a hand on your back and started to rub circles

▶ "Is there even an adventure?" You were quiet, knowing that you had skipped out on the past few

▶ "No, everyone was worried about you, so they decided to let me check on you since I'm the only one able to get in your room since ya locked it" That's right, he mentioned in passing that he had keys to everywhere- unsure as to why but he just does

▶ You took a few deep breaths, starting to feel calmer just by his presence. Why was he being so kind? No words were spoken for a good while, causing Jax to sit on your bed next to you, letting you take your time

▶ He then broke the silence and explained that just learning to accept your fate here and making the best of it is the only way to survive

▶ "If I see you sulking here for long periods of time I will ask Caine to put time limits on how long you can stay here, got it?" He smirked, knowing that it would indeed happen

▶ "Fine..."

▶ "Now, Gangle misses you the most so you better go and see her" he stood up, waiting for you to join

▶ "Are you sure it wasn't you that missed me the most?"

#jax #tadc #jax x reader #the amazing digital circus #tadc jax #the amazing digital circus jax #tadc jax x reader

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isaut · 2 months

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rex tries, he really does.

it’s easier to form commentary about things he’s seen in real life— landscapes come easy. the sunlight and nightbreak are always accompanied by animals he’s never had the pleasure of seeing (animals flee during war).

his comments are filled with “really pretty” and “good lighting” and you hum and giggle and hold his hand.

it’s enough.

the hardest thing is abstract art. he’ll stand by your side in front of these pieces for hours, looking at shapes and canvases of only one color. he supposes it’s a feat that the brushstrokes are invisible (“remember how defined they were when we were looking at the impressionist paintings?”). he guesses it’s something like picasso even though you’ve told him time and again it’s not.

he doesn’t understand how you can spend so much time in front of a plain, red canvas. even after he’s read the little plaque to the side.

surely there are more landscapes to look at.

but rex is quiet. he stands next to you.

“mosset thought life had no meaning after he watched his planet fall into a war,” you say. you sound almost like you’re giving a tour, but softer. “he was a refugee to naboo— and ended up working for a painter stretching canvas. he didn’t understand why he had survived. art had no meaning to him anymore.”

rex doesn’t chime in that he doesn’t think this counts as art.

“anyways, when he set out to paint this it was as a meditative process. the paint is actually layers thick in different colors, and the canvas has been restretched multiple times. it’s rewoven in certain places to make it longer.”

rex supposes that’s interesting.

“either way. the end goal of the painting was to do what mosset thought he couldn’t do anymore: take up space.”

rex mulls over your explanation. he looks over the red canvas again, and can’t see any imperfections. there’s no clump of dried paint, no sew of canvas.

“what happened to mosset?” rex asks.

“he killed himself shortly after finishing the piece.”

“do you tell the patrons that?”

“absolutely. the painting carries on and takes up space for him even though he left this world believing he couldn’t. most patrons don’t care about this painting, though.”

“did you know him?”

you pause. “yeah. i met him once.”

rex nods. he does what you often do: tilt his head to side as he reexamines the painting. the context tugs on something deeper than his heartstrings.

“i think i get it,” rex murmurs.

you squeeze his hand and rest your head on his shoulder. “i thought you might.”

#captain rex x reader #wow…….. writing fanfic while drinking my morning coffee it’s BAD #by ophelia #library

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lynzishell · 5 months

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Prev // Next

Transcript:

Dawn: You’re here. Atlas: I’m here. I’m so sorry, Dawn. Dawn: Me too. Dawn reaches over to rest a hand on his shoulder. Atlas covers her hand with his, and they sit like this for a while, not saying anything.

Phoenix: Have you seen these yet? Asher: Not really. I saw a couple on Atlas’ computer when he first got home, but that’s it. Phoenix: I assume he told you what happened up there… with Dawn? Asher: Yeah.

Phoenix: How is he doing? I’ve been meaning to check in, but – Asher: Oh, no, you have enough on your plate. He’s doing okay though. Not sleeping well, but otherwise, okay. Phoenix: Nightmares? [Asher nods] Phoenix: Yeah. I remember those nightmares. Asher: What do you mean those nightmares?

Atlas: Hey, do you remember when we were kids, and we learned that some twins had their own language? Dawn: Oh my god, yes, and we tried to make our own. Atlas: Except we just made these weird random sounds and pretended to understand each other. Dawn can’t help but laugh when Atlas tries to imitate their old “language”.

Dawn: Oh, and we would pass each other notes in our secret code. Atlas: [laughing] There’s no way anyone was cracking that code! Dawn: That’s because there was no code! We’d just write symbols on paper and pass them back and forth [laughing] and I put so much effort into each one! Atlas: I know! There’d be thirty or forty intricate symbols on a piece of paper, never the same one twice. It was impressive, actually. Dawn: We thought we were so clever.

Phoenix hears muffled laughter coming from the bedroom and smiles at Asher.

Phoenix: He’s always going to be better at that than me, isn’t he? Cheering her up. Asher: [shrugs] Probably. But you knew to call him, and that’s not nothing. Phoenix: Maybe I should’ve called sooner. Asher: Eh, we’re here now. How are you doing? Phoenix: [exhales loudly] I don’t even know. I’ve been so focused on her.

[Asher nods quietly]

Phoenix: It’s weird. It feels like there’s something missing now. I mean, we’d planned on having a kid eventually, but it always felt like an abstract, far away thing. Like something we’d talk about in a few years or more. But now. It’s all I can think about. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more. Is that crazy?

Asher: Definitely not.

Phoenix: And now I’m worried that this was all too much for her. What if she doesn’t want to try again? What if it never happens, even if we do try? I don’t know…

Phoenix: I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Asher: Sounds like you’ve been needing to talk to someone. I don’t mind listening. Phoenix: Thanks. Normally, I’d go talk to Aurelio, but I haven’t wanted to leave. She was really starting to fucking scare me. Asher: She’ll be okay. Phoenix: [clears his throat] I hope so.

Atlas: I kept one, y’know. Dawn: You did not! Atlas: I did. You had doodled all around the edges, and clearly spent a lot of time on it. I don’t know, something about it felt important, like I needed to keep it, so I did. Dawn: Oh, I bet I know which one it was. Atlas: Yeah? I’ve always wondered, what does it say?

Dawn: Hold on let me see if I can remember it… [thinking]… Okay I got it, ready? Atlas: Yep. Dawn: It says, ‘Today I am sad / As long as you’re my brother / My heart will be glad.’

[Both laughing]

Atlas: Stop! You wrote me a haiku? Dawn: I tried. I counted and recounted the syllables so many times. Atlas: Dawn, that is so sweet! I’m keeping it forever.

Dawn: Aw, I’m glad you’re here. Atlas: Me too. Asher’s here too, and we brought his dog. Do you want to come out and say hi? Dawn: Yeah, I’d like that. Can you stay for dinner? Atlas: Sure. Gimme a hug first though. I’ve missed you.

Atlas: Listen to me. Don’t start shutting people out again, okay? Dawn: I know. I didn’t mean to. I just… I couldn’t stand to see the pain I’ve caused him. Atlas: You didn’t cause anything; it wasn’t your fault. And he needs you now just as much as you need him. Dawn: … Is he angry? Atlas: No, he’s just worried.

Atlas: It’s okay if you need time to grieve, but you’ve gotta eat. You have to take care of yourself. Dawn: I will. Atlas: Promise me. Dawn: I promise.

#ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 storytelling #sims 4 challenge #starsignchallenge #starsignlegacychallenge #gen1 aries #aries pt3 #phoenix realta #dawn stephens #atlas stephens #asher goode #jasper goode

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ms-awesome52 · 7 months

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I don't think Jax isn't as big of a jerk as he lets on

Spoilers for THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS! Pilot. It's on YouTube

I've watched Glitch's new pilot and find the character of Jax really interesting. He comes off as a major jerk, and he is, but I feel he cares a lot more and is kinder than he lets on. I'm going to go through his major moments and break down how many of them were kinder or more harmless than many assume.

1: Meeting/interacting with Pomni

When Pomni first joins the circus, it's obvious that she's confused and freaking out. Ragatha attempts to sugar-coat what's happening when Pomni asks about leaving. Jax rips the band-aid off and tells her that they can't leave. At that moment, Pomni is looking for answers, not comfort, and this may be my autism talking, but Jax's bluntness and ability to get straight to the point likely helped Pomni understand the situation and prosses her new reality much quicker than if they just let Ragatha tip-toe around the topic. Later when they're on their way to meet Kaufmo, Jax makes a joke about Pomni trying to pretend this was all a dream. Both of the previous times Pomni claimed it was a dream, he was the only one to react, and he did it in a way that made it obvious that he and the others knew it wasn't a dream, as to not give her false hope, while also not outright making fun of her. Another thing to point out is that Pomni never has a negative reaction to Jax. To a situation Jax pointed out? Yes. To Jax himself? No. While this isn't an indication of how Pomni feels about Jax, it does show that Jax's comments didn't hurt her.

2: His interactions with Zooble

Zooble and Jax seem to have the most similar mindset. When Jax says that they can't leave and stuff, they'll tell him to shut up and then confirm and/or agree with what he said. They're both sarcastic and don't want to bother with meaningless fluff, which is why they both avoid going on the Gloinks quest at first. They both know that the Gloinks aren't a threat and are just an inconvenience. I get major sibling energy from their dynamic.

3: His interactions with Kinger and Gangle

(These are some of the harder ones to explain but here we go) Kinger and Gangle are the least stable of the main cast as far as I can tell. Kinger is a anxious mess that has forgotten human social cues while Gangle's emotions are dictated by her masks, which are easy to break (Caine probably fixes them often since Gangle says that her comedy mask is broken again). Since he knows the Gloinks are harmless and that Zooble is in no real danger, he trusts the day's quest to them. When he learned that Kaufmo abstracted, he ran away to where they were. When there, he says that Kaufmo is fine (sarcastically, but they didn't pick up on that and I get the vide that he didn't expect them to) then he hears the abstracted Kaufmo and pushes them both into the Gloink hole and jumping in himself. He later confesses that he was only down there to avoid Kaufmo. I interpreted this as him being helpful because 1: he got both Kinger and Gangle to safety and 2: He did it without telling them because while Pomni needed his bluntness, they didn't and telling them straight up before it was truly necessary because they needed to finish the quest so Caine would be there to take care of Kaufmo. If they knew, they would have been to panicked to finish the quest and that would have been a much more dangerous situation.

4: His interactions with Ragatha

Ragatha is the character we see him mess with the most, but she and Zooble also are the characters that are able to handle his jabbing the best, which is likely why he focuses on them instead of those who would be more hurt by his words. When they learn that Kaufmo abstracted, he ran and left them behind, but I see no reason why he wouldn't assume they would run as well. I also get sibling vibes here.

5: His reactions/interactions with Caine and the world itself

Jax seems to be the human that understands how the Circus works the best. When Pomni shows up the first thing he mentions is that they're going to need to rework the theme song to work her in. He also understands the formula best, predicting a brand new adventure (implying that Caine reuses adventures sometimes, like replaying a level in a videogame). This is also the reason I think he knew to go finish the quest to bring Caine back. Another thing to consider is the fact that he has keys to everyone's room. How would he get his hands on those if he didn't understand the mechanics of the digital world? At the end he has a debate with Kinger about Kinger feeling the need to explain that they don't need to eat after Jax says that he's hungry.

TL:DR Jax is blunt when he needs to be, but also knows when to hide info, he only goes as far as he knows the others can handle and he understands the world enough to be able to get the others to a safe area if anything serious happens. (please note, I'm explaining, not excusing any of his behavior. There are many situations where I feel he does take it a bit to far)

#spoilers #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus spoilers #the amazing digital circus jax

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cogmented · 4 months

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how do you come up with your designs for mcyt’s? theyre so creative and cool so i thought id ask

THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION

now entering yap city tihs will be a long post

my steps are basically

voice

personality

og look of minecraft skin/branding

player movement

other ppls fanart (if any)

things that happened/cultural associations

i start with a bunch of random sketches to get the feel of the person.. that's why so many of my early posts were doodle pages. to me, character design is more based on what the person is like rather than what they look like. i think a lot of people do that

I do this with all of the above and shape language, but in bigger art pieces outside of lineups i also use color and perspective (as in youll see more of someone like spepticle in large, sweeping scenes while someone like zam in closed, heavily perspective-based ones) to indicate personality. ill change designs when suited for this too (spoke with or without a gas mask, vi with or without a mouth, etc etc)

my first iteration of lifesteal designs heavily relied on the look of the skins and were gradually tweaked over time. my most prominent example of this is my spoke design, so i'll use him at least once in the examples for continuous comparison.

i watch a couple of each person's videos first, understand their voice, personality, and what they do, then focus on them in other people's videos too to get a full story, their movement, and what others think of them (helps with personality and things we might not see). streams are the most helpful because they're less biased and you see so much more of their antics. huge stream fan.

i get into the how after this

this process doesnt go in order for some designs and others have a more prominent focus on particular parts of the process that override or effect other parts

Voice

starting off with not spoke here's a problem i encountered when designing wemmbu

I based him a lot off of spoke and ashswag due to not knowing much about him besides the fact that he schemes (spoke&ash-esque) and he doesn't move his character around too much when talking (ash behavior). he didn't match the left one because his voice doesn't have the dramatic, flamboyant fratboy flair that spoke has, so I shifted it to be more friendly yet still dangerous with curved square shapes rather than triangles. i made his scheming, diabolical nature more evident through his clothing that's pretty jester-like and sharp, but with a smoother middle that spoke doesn't have (and to match his eyes).

voice also impacts character height. i dont know how to describe this. mapicc and zam are similar heights because their voices are similar, same goes for parrot and vortex, but leo and vitalasy are close to the same height (due to vitalasy's huge fuckass ears) despite having wildly different voices, with leo's bold text voice and vitalasy's higher-pitched jumbled kinda speech they still take up the same "amount of space" in conversation. they stand out. and even though spoke's voice also stands out an incredible amount he is still only slightly taller than average. this is where personality overrides voice in my designs.

Personality

spoke is sharp in every sense of the word, but is also able to mold himself around to get what he needs.

my first attempt at him was pretty lackluster. i didn't know much of him at the time, only his wither video, and thus understood him mainly through his association with parrot. he seemed a lot more evil and more serious at first glance. like woah! fully fledged mouth and nose?! not anymore.

i cover certain expressive parts to also depict more of their personality in some abstract, holistic way. after watching streams and whatnot, spoke doesnt actually speak (excluding his random sounds and yips or whatever he does) too terribly much, except when the spotlight is on him or he's trying to get something. so, i tweaked his design to encompass that when i understood him better.

i take away his arms to allow his hands to stand out more (character movement thing, he moves around a lot when no one is paying attention to him, punches the air when ..not talking but making a point ig. he's a big fan of hovering menacingly), i give him a slinky-like outside skeletal structure to both capture his affinity for withers (i made him a wither thing because of the wither sounds in his video.. and the withers in general) and to give him the feeling of more freedom with his movement.

i also just really like gas masks so. basically, spoke is someone that hides away until he chooses to stand out. thank lord heaven he looks like some shadow creature.

later on i gave him more magenta highlights, especially in the wormhole era because 1. magenta wasnt heavily included in his rainbow look, making it stand out on his whole being, and 2. because magenta is really really cool and people should use it more.

og minecraft skin/branding

hi spokeis here. this will be quick because his branding is so heavy. lightning, rainbow, black. boom. character. withers and white eyes? easy. causes a lot of anarchy? again, lightning and withers.

planetlord on the other hand is someone i greatly differed from the og skin and branding. i saw the design in a vision idk. i shift his colors all the time in different pieces but i use more of his pfp colors now because there's too many purples in this world. his branding, personality, and voice all connect very well. a bit misleading, he's a bit of a weasel.

Movement

i never used to look into movement, but pvp styles and conversational movement of lifesteal is intriguing. unfortunately it was only something i started paying attention to during the end of s4 because vitalasy's movement was so interesting. he's a big fan of getting in people's faces.

ill be real, i didn't really notice spoke a lot during things because he was almost always never alone, and when he was it is always at a distance or you knew he had people to back him up.

spoke's movement isn't actually too abnormal. he's goal oriented and tends to always be doing something, and when he does he finds the most efficient way possible. pretty basic. his design choices are based mainly on voice and personality.

someone like mapicc on the other hand has very particular movement. he spins around people when fighting and gets right up in their face (in nethpot pvp mostly), so i made his clothing tighter to the skin with looser parts to accentuate that movement: practical clothing for close combat battles. it was also noticed (by the lord) that he tends to look straight forward instead of the slightly down that most players do.

zam fights differently, but i made him with the og branding (he's princezam) and what he does in mind. his body language in my art is more indicative of his personality.

Other people's fanart

shoutout the community, a notable amount of ideas were from the mid-late 2022 lifesteal community.

dog leowook and leather jacket mapicc were from gen, jackalope rek from aoi i think, "croptop" jacket spoke from saints-blade, snail terrain from navy-leader, tv ashswag from kish, sock puppet red definitely from someone i dont remember, 4 armed squiddo from seri, and old cartoon jaron was from bucket

Things that happened/istarted talking about cultural inspirations

spoke and his connection to godhood influenced his redesign greatly. this section affects what the character wears most of the time.

i give both spoke and vitalasy painted palms (alta) due to their connection with godhood and destruction, with spoke in particular reminding me a lot of Kali Ma, thus i gave him a skirt (due to nppp too). vitalasy's clothing is based on Indonesian cultural clothing. wemmbu's also takes inspiration from Indonesian and Bhutan cultural clothing.

indigenous cultures inspired some designs too (i do a lot of ethnographic anthropology work with some of the tribes i base the clothing off of), with woogie having Yupik and Inuit inspiration. polar bear = cold climate in my head. and leo has Haida and Yunnan (minority Chinese providence, not a tribe) inspiration.

bacon's... not bacon strip design's clothing was based on Bangladeshi clothing (im Bangladeshi, i also added alpona patterns to ash's design), nomadic cultures, and some german pilgrim thing?? idk not my best design. i specifically looked for nomadic inspiration because of his willingness to flee at any moment lol. i didnt do this for rek despite his fleeing reputation because i dont watch rek content too much and he already had hybrid traits that took care of that presentation.

poafa's design is a goat because of the medusa trials where he was used as a scapegoat. makes sense i think. his horns are from past associations with jepex that infected mapicc as well (devil trio s1). zam's design is very much from s3 empire and s4 castle.

planet's design changed slightly, mostly rounder shapes, but also the number of "spikes" on his scarf, now stuck at three because of 3ht.. and easier to draw than five. minutetech has a bow instead of a bowtie from jumper due to s5 happenings. the gem on his crown has wemmbu's highlights from his gem's main color.

roshambo's design was also heavily influenced by medusa where i gave him a snake body. in my art that depicts before medusa events he doesn't have the snake body, and same goes with before s4 spoke where i draw him with full pants. in some sketches ive depicted mapicc with a muzzle only after the destruction of s4 spawn due to quix's mapicc dog influence shoutout.

mapicc and ro have matching things that persist seasons (mapicc periwinkle collar, ro red painted ring finger... head finger?), as did subz and vitalasy with matching shoulder pads (beginning of s4 subz had a bandana and vitalasy had a bell that traded between them through artworks of mine) Vitalasy also gained sun and moon earrings. mid and 4c have matching hoods/cloaks ^_^ marriage or something.

hope this made sense and covered everything you could have ever wanted forever... feel free to ask me questions i love explaining processes

#cog talks #long post #anon #answered #design explanation

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illegiblewords · 4 months

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SOME ILLEGIBLE RAMBLES AND REFLECTIONS: MISSING WYLL

Jumping off my last analytical post for BG3, I actually do want to talk about Wyll a little. Wyll has been the companion I've had the trickiest time sorting thoughts out on. I do have thoughts on him, and frankly I want to invite people who are mainly Wyll fans to chime in if they have any observations that I might've missed! I don't know if this is the best way to explain it, but my perspective is if his story were a song I'd say he has the makings of a beautiful one--but there are notes missing. Notes that really, really should be there . I don't know why they aren't there, or if they've been hidden somewhere I haven't found yet.

As usual, longass discussion under the cut.

Here is my understanding of Wyll currently, without grabbing specific quotes.

Ulder Ravegard is his dad, who was a humble blacksmith who rose to nobility through some exceptional effort and personal achievement. Pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps sort of guy, takes pride in being compassionate and dealing with others in good faith. Raised Wyll not to consider himself better than anyone due to his status, but also seems to have imparted a lot of lawful good mentalities tbh. One thing that stood out a lot to me was a line Wyll said in Act III about how as a kid, he used to pretend to kill monsters in the park all the time. When he became an actual monster hunter as the Blade of Frontiers he had the disquieting realization that most monsters in reality are only people, just like him and his friends. This is interesting to me because it was NOT a lesson he got as a kid, and from how Ulder treats Wyll I don't think it's something Ulder is quite comfortable with himself. I'd go so far as to argue that, while Ulder's definition of 'good' is genuinely very good--it doesn't leave a lot of tolerance for anyone outside that. His compassion only goes so far and no farther. He's a little black-and-white in his thinking.

Side note: Wyll seems to treat being Blade of Frontiers like being a two-dimensional hero in a storybook at times. The Act III line where he admits it's all just messy people was so fucking interesting, and I wish there was more examination of the messy morality of trying to fight monsters or even understand what monsters are for him. Being good isn't easy or guaranteed and the most impressive title in the world doesn't prove you're actually a hero. Actions come before reputation.

Wyll was, according to the previous point, raised to be the embodiment of lawful good as Ulder saw it. Be selfless, don't indulge in finery or status, be noble, make sacrifices for the greater good. With that in-mind, I want to point out that for all Wyll doesn't like courtly life he loves to dance as something more aligned to that courtly lifestyle. It's one of the things he has left that continues to give him joy. It's an indulgence.

Wyll, as raised by Ulder, sacrifices his own well-being and future in his pact with Mizora to ensure no one else in Baldur's Gate came to harm. He was also bound in such a way that prevented him from explaining what happened or why. When Ulder saw his son return home with one eye, pacted to a devil, obviously in a lot of distress and struggling to explain something... Ulder's reaction wasn't to trust his son's morality or feel concern for him. Ulder decided to hurl out all history, all individual understanding of Wyll's character, and chuck Wyll out like he was a pure evil aligned monster and always had been. He just assumed Wyll was the embodiment of every selfish, depraved impulse he could imagine and a traitor to every cause he believed in. He also does not change his mind on this unless forcibly shown through the tadpole what actually transpired. He is not willing to listen or consider alternate perspectives, and I'd argue he loved his son as an abstract concept/extension of his own moral beliefs more than as his own person. (And as an aside: given how Ulder reacted to Wyll without even knowing his situation, do you think he would be ready to show compassion to someone like Astarion who has done horrific things to others under coercion?)

Note, Wyll never actually deals with previous point emotionally. He never allows himself to feel anger or grief over the way his own father treated him. He never lashes out at Ulder on his own behalf for not seeing him as a person, for not treating him as a person, for not loving him as a person or as his son. Ulder talks almost casually about having misjudged Wyll. 'Whoops my bad, I might be an asshole'. We're in a game where Astarion kills Cazador and just starts screaming and sobbing on his knees over everything that happened. Why isn't Wyll pissed off that everything he endured ALONE, the realization that his father never really saw or trusted him, was met with 'whoops'? Why isn't Ulder more horrified over what he did to Wyll? The fact that he isn't so much as in the same breath as other characters expressing anguish makes me think he still, STILL does not understand what he put Wyll through as his father. And Wyll having no reaction other than 'yay Dad likes me again :D' doesn't ring true imo. It's possible to love someone but be absolutely furious with or hurt by them. Mizora was not the only one who did Wyll dirty.

Wyll's pact with Mizora in the first place hinged on Wyll not trusting himself to keep Baldur's Gate safe from the cult of Tiamat AND Wyll not considering himself someone also worthy of protection too. Wyll is part of the tradition 'other people's suffering counts but not mine, I exist to be a shield for others'. I don't think Wyll has ever been taught he is also part of Baldur's Gate who should be kept safe. Self-sacrifice under those circumstances isn't an informed choice but like a self-destructive person offering their life up for cheap, when it isn't strictly necessary. First resort rather than last kinda deal.

Unless I've forgotten something, Wyll breaking his pact is framed not only by Mizora but the narrative as Wyll being selfish and deciding his father should die instead of keeping himself bound. The narrative itself doesn't really challenge this idea even if Wyll does successfully save Ulder unbound by his pact with Mizora. In my experience, out of all the cast members I think Wyll is the only one who is framed as possibly a worse person for opting out of the abusive relationship he's in. I really don't think he should be. Healthy selfishness (self-care, self-esteem) is not a bad thing. We have sayings about not setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm. I don't know why Wyll isn't given room to realize, discuss, and embrace this. In addition to everything else I've mentioned it kind of kills the shape of his character arc imo. Wyll starts off selfless to a fault. Having him remain selfless to a fault and continue making the same choices he did at the beginning sets him up for spiritual death as a character, which would make him staying pacted to Mizora fitting to articulate that concept in a way. He didn't 'sin' against or wrong other people to become a devil, but he absolutely 'sinned' against himself by allowing it to continue. It's total self-destruction and it's tragic. But when he breaks the cycle, in canon any degree of selfishness is still narratively condemned. He only gets "redeemed" if he saves Ulder, in the sense that he is still enforced as a selfless person/he is only so good as he is selfless. ADDITIONALLY! He's given a choice between protecting people as Archduke or protecting people as Blade of Avernus but there isn't actually a whole lot of discussion about Wyll's own happiness regardless of others. Wyll isn't given room to feel ugly emotions, anger on his own behalf, or basic self-preservation without the game itself side-eyeing him. Wyll should not have to be a "perfect" and selfless person to be a good and worthwhile person worth protecting.

Like... what bothers me, is that Wyll isn't given room to express or examine anything. He isn't allowed to feel conflicted or angry. He isn't allowed to want for himself. He isn't allowed to be furious with his father or to wonder if his anger at his father (who he still loves) fuels his desire to break his pact with Mizora or if it's just treating himself like he's worth something too. It kind of feels like the narrative itself is dehumanizing Wyll by denying him room to be selfish at all, even when he really needs to be. Even when it would give room for emotional and complex scenes that could resonate.

When I've thought about what kind of romantic partner would be most interesting for Wyll imo, what struck me was it should be someone who is selfish and actually encourages his selfishness a bit. Not in a corrupting way (even if he worries it might be at times) but someone who can encourage some balance in him and vice versa. I don't think Wyll works as a narrative tool to show how nice another character already is or be their trophy boyfriend. As a character, him being imperfect I think is intrinsically important to him feeling real. And guy really does deserve to feel real, you know?

It's been weird, since Wyll approaches some of my absolute favorite themes as a character for being a hero who needs to understand not being heroic all the time is okay/heroes need protecting too sometimes. But he doesn't really do anything with them currently as far as I'm aware. That's made it harder for me to engage with him. If his romance route touches on it more like then that's awesome. But I feel like if we could see full character arcs for other companions regardless of romance, it should be doable for Wyll too.

#final fantasy xiv screenshots #Wyll Ravengard #Blade of Frontiers #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 #bgiii

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rollinouttahere-writes · 1 year

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How about strawhats with a reader who has bad nightmares? It can be about anything (personal fears, past events or even just random spooky stuff). But tries to keep them private cause they think it’s embarrassing cause they’re on a ship with some of the strongest people they’ve met?

Platonic Yandere Straw Hats x GN!Reader

Good luck keeping that a secret with how nosy this whole crew is. You might be able to get away with it for like a week before you’re found out. That being said, they’re all very understanding. Of you having nightmares, at least. They think it’s kinda dumb that you would want to keep it a secret. What? You think only the strongest man in the world is allowed to have nightmares? That’s silly!

Luffy teases you the most about it, but it’s all lighthearted. You’re all friends, you should have said so sooner! He will pester you to tell him about your nightmares, and won’t take no for an answer. If they’re about your personal fears or are simply abstract nightmares, he’ll try to make light of them. Making jokes and bluntly pointing out how little sense they make, and promising that he’ll punch them if they do ever become realized. Even if that isn’t physically possible, it’s Luffy, he’ll find a way.

If these nightmares are about things that have happened to you before, that’s different. In the scenario where you went through something generally upsetting, he just kinda shrugs it off. It’s in the past, so you don’t need to worry about it anymore! Now if someone hurt you… Would you look at that, they suddenly need to make a detour to where that person lives. Not that they’re going to live for much longer.

Zoro isn’t great with this kind of stuff and is not the best person to go to. He’s probably why you were so hesitant to begin with, which does make him feel bad if it’s pointed out to him. It’s not like he looks down on you for having nightmares or being scared by them, he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. It’s not like a nightmare can physically hurt you, so it’s fine. Right? At least that’s what he believed until Nami and Sanji laid into him for being so dismissive.

After that, he tries to be a bit more empathetic. His attempts are so awkward that you can’t help but laugh. Finally, he thinks of something he can do! He asks what your nightmares are about, and provided that they are about something tangible, he’ll offer to cut them down for you. He’s a swordsman afterall, that’s what he does best! Even if you don’t want him to, he will. You just don’t know what’s good for you, so let him handle it.

Nami understands where you’re coming from and your point of view on this. She’s also prone to nightmares and prefers to keep them to herself, but now she feels bad about it. Would you be more willing to open up and share if she had done it before? She starts talking about her own nightmares with you, hoping that it’ll inspire you to do the same. If you don’t she gets irritated and low key offended. Why aren’t you talking to her? Don’t you trust her? She’s so nice to you!

You’re sleeping in her bed with her now, and it’s not an option. Nami is a light sleeper, so if you start tossing and turning or crying in your sleep, she will know. Rather than waking you up immediately, she simply watches for a while, hoping you’ll say something in your sleep that will tell her more about your nightmares. You better hope that any names uttered in your sleep are people you aren’t fond of.

Usopp acts like this is second nature to him. Of course you would come to him even if you didn’t for help! He defeated the god of nightmares once, and it looks like he’ll need to do so again! He’s admittedly baffled that you would try to keep your nightmares from him. For all his false bravado, he REALLY is not anywhere near being the strongest or bravest Straw Hat. Yet you thought HE would judge YOU for having nightmares? Are you okay? Did you hit your head?

His method for helping you is offering to stay up with you on nights where you’re wracked with nightmares. Whether that be hanging out in the crows nest to keep watch or working on something in his workshop together. If you choose to share what your nightmare was about, he’ll go on these long tangents about how he would deal with these nightmares and show them who’s boss! His ultimate goal here is to make you laugh, that’s the most that he believes he can do. Though if you do mention the nightmares being about someone, he’ll relay that information to someone more capable of handling it.

Sanji is one of the best people to go to about this, he’s so sweet. Even if you don’t approach him, he’s very observant (especially about you) so it’s only a matter of time before he clocks it. When it is out in the open, he goes all out. You’ve woken up in the middle of the night because of your nightmares? He’s already awake somehow and making you tea and snacks (this probably summons Luffy tbh). He will ask about the nature of those nightmares, but won’t push you to explain if you become visibly uncomfortable. Some things are best left in the past and he gets that. Though he will offer to kick anyone they could be about. He says it like a lighthearted joke, but it is not.

Outside of that, he offers to stay up with you on nights where you don’t want to sleep. Yes, he would prefer that you get a good night’s sleep, but he can understand that sometimes you just don’t want to after a particularly upsetting nightmare. What you two do at night is up to you. You guys can just sit around and talk, partake in a hobby of yours, or have a late night baking session. If you do want to sleep, or if you’ve stayed up too much for his personal liking so now he’s forcing you, he’ll offer to sleep in your bed with you. He doesn’t really sleep though, instead preferring to watch you sleep in case another nightmare rears its ugly head.

Chopper scolds you for keeping this from them. You’re missing out on valuable sleep! That isn’t good for you! That being said, he feels bad because he doesn’t really know what to do to fix this. There isn’t exactly a cure for nightmares, you know. Dreams in general are your brain’s way of dealing with the problems plaguing your mind, and nightmares are just an extreme form of that. You can’t control what your mind is going to try and cope with that night, and there is no treatment he can give you to make your mind cut it out.

The best that he, or anyone really, can do is get you to talk about it. If you talk about it when you’re awake, you might understand your problems well enough to not have nightmares about them. At least in theory. Even that isn’t a guarantee, much to Chopper’s chagrin. Worrying about you not getting adequate sleep keeps Chopper up at night, and he finds himself going to check on you a lot. Eventually, he decides to just sleep in your bed, hoping that having a friend around will help keep the nightmares away. If he finds out they’re about a particular person, he gets so upset as your doctor that he forgets his own fears and finds himself wanting to deal with them his damn self.

Robin feels really bad for you. She gets nightmares herself and probably finds out because she was already awake from her own. Figuring it’s best to suffer through this together, she’ll wake you up and coerce you into having a late night hang out with her. You two will be out on the deck talking about anything, not necessarily about your nightmares, just whatever comes to mind. She’ll also offer to read to you if you would be interested. That being said, she only stays lax about it if this happens once in a while. If you’re having them multiple times a week, that changes things. These are clearly bothering you way more than the average nightmare, so you can’t keep it to yourself. She’s not going to let you.

The questions and conversations get way more pointed, you won’t be able to avoid answering them without shutting down completely. Not that she’ll give you that option, she’s a very convincing woman. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself spilling your soul to her. She’ll talk you through it and give the best advice she can come up with. If she finds out someone is to blame for this, they’ll be dealt with swiftly, don’t worry your little head about it. :)

#one piece #one piece x reader #yandere one piece #one piece x y/n #one piece x you #platonic yandere #yandere #monkey d luffy #luffy #zoro roronoa #cat burglar nami #nami #usopp #sanji #black leg sanji #tony tony chopper #nico robin

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crooked-wasteland · 1 month

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Hazbin Hotel Live Blog: Welcome to Heaven

Coming back I found I did enjoy the last episode far more than I did the others. It obviously suffers from who the director is, but I could still see the more competent writer underneath certain portions of the episode. This one is written by Adam Stein who was credited for six episodes of Harley Quinn, a series I admittedly do not particularly care for. I wouldn’t consider the series bad and I enjoy scenes more than the whole, but its clear that Hazbin and much of Medrano’s writing ideas are in many ways ripped off from Harley Quinn far more than Bojack Horseman. To be frank, if Medrano had stuck her comparison to Harley Quinn, I doubt she would be criticized nearly as much as she is for her writing. I know, for myself, if she had compared her shows to Harley Quinn and never once breathed in the direction of Bojack Horseman, I wouldn’t have ever been motivated to even criticize this series. I think a comparison to Harley Quinn is fair, it is an objectively worse version of Harley Quinn, but it is better suited to the style and audience of that show far and above something of high art and value like Bojack. Harley Quinn is simply not my tastes, I wouldn’t say it’s bad, but even with a gun to my head I could never in good faith consider it good. It’s better than Hazbin and Helluva Boss, but its also a fairer comparison.

Vaggie adds “gah” to her line about being a liar in the most painful way. While they obviously paid Stephanie the most, they in no way paid her enough to care. It was physically written into the script and it highlights how little the actress actively participated in the series. She didn’t even try to make it sound natural, she doesn’t care for the character she is playing and she doesn’t care whether or not we know.

It makes no sense that Angel Dust is still working for Valentino. He could just stay in the hotel and ignore Val’s calls and texts like we have actively seen him do. So it’s like he hates working for Val, does so under duress and due to a contract on his soul, but Charlie is the princess of Hell whom Valentino openly stated he was threatened by and her hotel and patrons are under the protection of Lucifer who aligned himself with Charlie and her goals…. Just don’t go? There is Vaggie, Charlie, Lucifer and even Alastor who are more than capable of handling someone like Valentino on their own, let alone as a united front. Why is this still happening?

The physical comedy falls flat. Cheri grabs Sir Pentious’ hand and it cracks and is all mangled like it is broken, but he has zero response to it. The humor requires there to be a reaction to the level of violence displayed. Having not even a minor one means the sequence may as well not have happened, and it frankly feels like an excuse to just say Alex Brightman was in the episode and have him say as many lines as possible regardless of whether or not he should. I genuinely don’t understand why this character is even in Hell. Who is he as a person? Just why?

Sera says she only green-lit the exterminations so that Hell didn’t act up, and places the blame on Adam for Lucifer getting involved. But then she just… keeps letting Adam do what he’s doing, which is what caused her to feel threatened like this in the first place. So essentially “This is all your fault because of the things you’ve done. So keep doing them.” I don’t even get why Sera or any of Heaven feels this way about Hell. I assume Sera knows Charlie’s plans about redemption, but she seems threatened by it? When in reality treating Heaven like a prize for sinners seems like a logical way of cooperating with Hell and even maintaining civil relations.

Also, can I just point out how the character designs really fail to send any sort of message. Alastor, Niffty, Velvette, Carmella and her daughters, Rosie, and Mimzy are hyper humanoid demons in a Hell where non-human designs make up a majority of the cast and the distorted, abstract and animalistic designs in Hell make sense, whereas Heaven is mostly humanoid with random demonic designs walking around. It fails to send a message as well as just makes Heaven and Hell entirely the same. It fails to really sell the idea that Heaven is in any way better than Hell. Honestly, demons should have less human designs and appear more twisted and deformed. Heaven should have prioritized humanoid figures. Especially seeing as Medrano with a heritage in Latin America and Catholicism would know that the idea of Christianity she is supposedly criticizing emphasizes that humans were made “in the image” of god and angels. It also sets up an idea of one’s soul being cleansed by having this “godly” form. Mixing in furry designs at the same rate as Hell collapses any argument for media literacy or messaging being made.

Welcome to Heaven as a song is the best song of the show thus so far. It is the One Short Day of Hazbin, a vapid superficial scene-setting song that isn’t meant to further the characters, just the plot, and it actually succeeds. I’m not amazed by it, never would i play it for enjoyment reasons, but it works for the role it plays and is the only song that does so well.

Adam is telling Vaggie her own backstory, my favorite bad writing trope.

Additionally, I thought heavenly weapons were the only thing that could harm an angel. But Lute just rips off Vaggie’s wings with her bare hands. It really confuses the world when you don’t even keep to your own rules.

In the previous episode, Charlie says the hotel isn’t “working”, this episode has Adam demanding “evidence”. The lack of understanding what Charlie is looking for when she says Progress is never defined. On one hand she says Angel Dust is making progress, but just the last episode said that the hotel wasn’t actually helping anyone. Even at the start of the episode we don’t see any change in Angel Dust, just that he’s sad. He still swears performs sex work, is rude and crude, and at no point has his situation with drug addiction been addressed in any way. I can appreciate not wishing to say someone performing sex work is committing sin. As well as the implication that how one holds themself is unimportant to Heaven. But I think everyone can agree that drug addiction and abuse is harmful to those in the addiction and those who care for them. And also, it is extremely difficult to break. Drug addiction would be an excellent analogy for sin and breaking it would work as a parallel for redemption easily. So why is it the one thing you had going for you in way of themes and a show of progress and character growth we’ve never actually even addressed. In fact, Loser Baby enables the idea that Angel Dust’s use of drugs is fine because he’s a loser anyway. Just give up on yourself. So when this episode inevitably implies that Angel has actually been making progress on that front, it’ll make no sense.

That happened a whole lot sooner than I thought it would. And it being Husk saying he thought Angel was “Better than that” really does make his whole message in Loser Baby hypocritical. Him being the one to judge others on how they cope, offloading his hypocrisy on the excuse “I’m not trying to get to heaven”, but then still performs the emotionally abusive tactic of publicly and maliciously shaming is partner into a form of compliance. And this is the romantic relationship I’m supposed to be going nuts over? Even in the case where one can argue he is doing it from a place of concern, he has never once cared about Angel’s drug use in the series. It has never been mentioned in any detail of it being harmful. It is literally placed on the same level as his hypersexuality in the song Loser Baby, which we are supposed to wave away as not being harmful because he enjoys it. The line is he “samples” every sex toy and drug. This is just the Alastor must be lying because nothing makes sense argument, except its the world that doesn’t make sense and thus nothing can be trusted and the suspension of disbelief and the act of world building is inherently gone. This isn’t even a story at this point. It is merely a bunch of drawings doing things for nearly half an hour because time is money, and Medrano likes money.

I feel the setup isn’t too bad. It’s the story of Job, which, yes, you should use the material you are criticizing if you are actually seeking to criticize it (whether or not Medrano’s is even attempting a critique on Christianity is hugely up to debate, but that’s not for this kind of post). It’s Lucifer in the Bible coming to the court of god and saying he’s been on earth observing the humans. He claims humans would never worship god if not for god incentivizing them through blessings and so god is like, “bet, do your worst”. Except, in the Bible story it shows god’s callousness. He allows Job to suffer and gives permission to Lucifer to torture this faithful man, of which when Job laments, god chastises him for doubting. This removes the negative qualities of god from the story by just watching Angel Dust make his own decisions. Which works for the idea of free will, I suppose, but the idea of free will being imagination from the last episode to now just waiting for Angel Dust to choose to conform to an idea of morals takes away any meta critique on the nature of heaven. Just saying.

Still not a fan of how infantilized the show makes Niffty.

The scene with Angel standing up to Valentino was such an attempt at an emotional reaction, and in reality it only succeeds in tiptoeing the edge of emotional catharsis. It never gets to reach that point because we don’t actually see the way that Val and Angel interact most of the time. And I’ll just say it, the Poison sequence ruins this scene. It set up this idea that Angel Dust has complicated feelings for Valentino and in many ways their relationship is just as much an addiction as the drugs. But we never see the harmful side to Angel’s drug addiction and nor do we see his complicated feelings for Val break down as he grows closer to Husk. It is unearned. And then having Charlie point blank say why that scene exists for the narrative kills any and all investment. It was there just so Angel Dust can fit Adam’s checklist. So there is no authentic emotions attached to that scene from the ground up. It is a contrivance that feels almost hateful in its existence.

Why is Adam treated as Sera? Adam was the one who made the list, but Emily contributes it to Sera. Sera didn’t even know how a soul ends up in heaven, all she says is “he was the first human soul here”, meaning she defers to him to understand. To have her be the one saying not everything is written in ink, when she openly is the first one to say she hasn’t any idea, really confuses the lack of story you are trying to tell.

So, the whole series has now confirmed it has no clue how to tell a story. “If Hell is forever then Heaven must be a lie”, so the idea of moving between heaven and hell is not a concept. Someone from heaven cannot fall to hell and someone from hell cannot enter heaven, except they can. Vaggie. Her entire existence is proof that heaven isn’t forever, so why would Hell be? If anything, Vaggie should be a spark of hope for Charlie. Additionally, the threshold of whether souls can be redeemed has nothing to do with if they can or not. Rather, it ends the same way it began. No one is in control and no one has any power one way or the other. But Vaggie being in hell, despite being an angel, who was never held in a court to determine if she should fall or not and was deemed unholy by humans, not the council of angels, just brought this whole house of cards down. In fact, the person on trial should have been Vaggie, and in extension Lute. Who is Lute to have the right to make such a call compared to Emily? Why does no one bring up this discrepancy? And having Vaggie on trial instead of an ignorant Angel Dust being critiqued without his knowledge would have been a better vehicle for not just exploring Vaggie’s past, but also the ideas surrounding redemption and banishment and the values/hypocrisy of heaven. As it stands, this episode was a waste of everyone’s time.

Adam Stein brought nothing to the table, all the same issues in Medrano’s writing are present and played out here. Adam may as well be a ghost writer as he didn’t even attempt to bring any of his own strengths to the script. I can’t say I’m surprised at this, however. It is just Harley Quinn after all.

2/10

#vivziepop critical #vivienne medrano #vivziepop #spindlehorse critical #vivziepop criticism #spindlehorse criticism #hazbin critique #hazbin hotel liveblog #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel #hazbin criticism #adam stein #harley quinn

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liminalmemories21 · 18 days

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Fuck It Friday - S4 Interstitial Outtake

tagged @jesuisici33 (thank you!), and for @rmd-writes because she asked for the full AU version of TK and Carlos going up to New York for Passover in S4 (this was written before the episode where they discussed children, and then cut after because it got Joss'd for so many reasons). I think there's a small bit of dialogue at the end about missing Gwyn that still got rescued and reused in the posted story, albeit in a different place (and this is why I never delete anything and have hundreds of pages of cut material).

Tagging anyone else who has outtakes they want to share. Outtakes are the best part of the after movie experience.

Carlos has no baseline for what to expect from either New York, or from a Passover seder. He's seen New York in movies and TV shows obviously, and he's learned it more intimately from the stories that Owen and TK tell. They're not staying for that long on this trip, and they're going to a seder on Saturday and Easter lunch with Enzo's family on Sunday, but TK promises that he's taking him into real New York before they leave.

Enzo makes a face at TK. "Queens is real New York."

TK snags a piece of grape from Jonah's plate. "Debatable."

Enzo rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Snob."

TK shrugs and doesn't disagree, just leans in to whisper to Jonah. 'We'll take you with us, you're never too young for dim sum."

Carlos has even less idea what to expect from a seder. He's read about it, but that's abstract. They're going to a seder at friends of Gwyn and Enzo's, a family TK has known since childhood. He'd made a complicated face when Enzo had told them a few weeks ago, and said with trepidation. "Is Miriam going to be there?"

Enzo had laughed so hard down the phone that he'd dropped it. "She hasn't had a crush on you since she was 15, TK. I think you're safe."

"You're not the one she tried to hit on every holiday," TK says sourly.

Carlos does his best to keep a straight face. "How old were you?"

"A year older than her." TK grins suddenly. "To be fair, I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time at holiday dinners trying to awkwardly hit on her older brother, so you know."

"You did," Enzo says dryly. "Every adult in the room suffered from schadenfreude watching the three of you."

The seder is lovely, long, although not as long as he'd been vaguely worried it would be from some of the blogs he'd read online, and as far as he can tell MIriam doesn’t try and hit on anyone except her wife. He doesn't understand half of what's happening, but he nods at the right times, and takes the things that are handed to him, and piles his plate when they finally eat. Mostly he watches TK and Jonah, and soaks in how alike they look, and how natural TK looks holding Jonah in his lap when he falls asleep halfway through the seder. He has the same double vision he’d had at Hanukkah, of TK now with Jonah, and TK in the future sitting at a table with their children leading them through these same traditions.

Everyone tells stories about Gwen, and some about TK when he was younger, which make TK's cheeks burn red and bury his face in his hands. "You are not allowed to tell anyone at home any of this," he hisses at Carlos when the conversation ebbs at one point.

He grins and crosses his fingers and nods. "Absolutely."

TK narrows his eyes at him. "Just remember I talk to your sisters."

He nods seriously and then turns to Mrs. Fereira, “What was that you were saying about the play TK was in?” and dodges the pinch to his leg from TK.

Enzo vetoes making Jonah sit through two long religious events in two days, and they skip Easter mass on Sunday, but they do go out to Long Island for Easter lunch. He thinks Enzo might have preferred to skip that too, let Jonah nap rather than get overtired and overstimulated two days in a row, but apparently his mother was willing to let them skip mass, but lunch was non-negotiable.

Enzo looks at Carlos as they pull up to the house and says, "I apologize in advance for literally everything."

TK snorts and reaches for Carlos's hand. "I'm calling this payback for that first lunch at Tia Lucy's." Carlos considers that, and decides that's probably fair.

He gives up trying to remember anyone’s names or relationships about three people in. At some point he gets handed a plate piled with so much food that he thinks he’s not going to need to eat for a week after they leave. The woman sitting next to him snorts at the look on his face and volunteers her name, if not her place in the extended family, although he thinks she’s one of Enzo’s nieces. “I’m Emma. Sorry about the family.”

He smiles and takes a bite of the lamb and wonders who made it and if he can get the recipe. “Don’t worry. My family is a lot like this too.” It explains a lot about how easily TK had weathered that first lunch at Tia Lucy’s if he’s got this kind of experience under his belt.

She gives him an evaluating look, decides he’s telling the truth and says, “Well, in that case I guess apologies for taking you away from your family on Easter.”

He eyes the way TK has been suborned into a game of snakes and ladders by a group of kids, and the way Enzo’s alternately watching TK lose to a bunch of seven year olds, and keeping an eye on where Jonah’s trying to pet an elderly long suffering cat. “You’re not.”

She gives him a sharp look and then nods with satisfaction and offers. “Nonna practically adopted TK, you should probably expect an interrogation at some point.”

He tips his fork to her. “Thanks for the warning.”

She shrugs. “He looks happier than I think I’ve ever seen him, and Enzo likes you, so you’ll probably do just fine.”

He doesn’t get interrogated by Nonna Luisa exactly, but she does ask for a rundown of his family, and job, and prospects and then starts telling him stories about a younger TK, and Enzo, and Gwen, and he thinks that means he passed. TK seems to soak up the stories, even as Carlos can see how they weigh on him. He nudges his thigh next to TK, letting him borrow whatever strength he needs. TK reaches for his hand, thumb against his pulse point and draws him into the story that Enzo's sister is telling about the time Gwen tried to make lasagna.

"Wait," he says, "I didn't think your mother cooked."

Enzo's sister snorts at the same time TK does. "She really really didn't," TK confirms.

Enzo's sister's laughs so hard as she repeats the sequence of phone calls from Gwen that half the story gets lost, and Enzo comes over to investigate what's going on.

His mouth twists in a rueful grin when he hears. "She wouldn't even let me see what she'd made when I got home, took the trash out before I got there, and ordered Ethiopian from a place down the street. She said she loved me, but she was never doing that again and if that was a deal breaker I should pack my bags and leave now, like she somehow thought that I had missed that the two of you lived on take out, and whatever your babysitter made you in the afternoons."

TK grins, and it's only a little melancholy. "You spoiled us both when you moved in."

Enzo reaches out to ruffle his hair. "Well, I had to bribe you with something to let me stay."

Enzo has classes on Monday, but they're not leaving until Tuesday morning, and they take the time to go out to Gwen's grave. They take Jonah with them, and Carlos keeps an eye on him as he toddles around the cemetery while TK folds himself down next to the temporary marker. The unveiling will be in late July, and Carlos has already put in for vacation time to come up for it.

He takes a few steps away to give TK privacy to talk to Gwyn, and crouches to take the stick that Jonah solemnly hands him. He turns at TK's voice, raised just loud enough to carry.

"Hey, Jonah, come say hi to Mom."

He takes Jonah's hand to help guide him over to the grave, and then lets TK settle Jonah on his lap. Jonah squirms a little, and doesn't really understand what they're doing here, but he catches enough of TK's mood to settle for long enough to obediently say hello to Gwyn and Carlos feels his heart clench when Jonah offers TK a small rock he has clenched in his fist. He can see the tears on TK's lashes, but his voice is somehow steady when he tells Jonah, "That's perfect, honey. Do you want to put it on her grave?"

Jonah looks a little dubious, but puts it on the marker and then looks at TK for approval. TK kisses the top of his head. "It's a way for us to remember her," he explains to Jonah. He scrubs surreptitiously at his eyes and pushes himself up. He looks at Carlos. "You want to talk to her?"

He nods, and squeezes TK's hand as TK stoops to pick Jonah up and walks a little bit away for them to look at the buds on the fruit tree nearby. He sits on the ground in front of the grave, in the same place TK had. He's never really done this before, never really had anyone that close to him who's died. He feels a little awkward, but, "Hi Gwyn. Your son asked me to marry him, and it was the best day of my life. I know I screwed it up a little after that, but he's got more patience than most people give him credit for, and he's got so much patience with me even when I don't think I deserve it." He puts a hand on the ground. "I promise you, I am going to love him for the rest of my life, and I am going to try every single day to make him happy." His voice catches in his throat. "I wish you could be there, to dance at our wedding, and tell me you told me so, and make him laugh. But, even if you aren't there in person, I know that you will be there in TK, and in Jonah, and in the memory of every person you met and loved, and through me for him. And, I am so grateful for that. I don't think I have words for how grateful I am for him, and that you trusted me with him. I won't let you down, I promise.."

When he looks up, TK's watching him with a small tired smile. They go to lunch afterwards at the tiny dim sum shop on Spring Street, and they cut up a dumpling into little pieces and let Jonah gum at them. The owner remembers TK, and looks sincerely upset when he tells her that Gwyn passed, and brings them out a plate of bao they hadn't ordered, and when TK says thank you Carlos can hear the tears in his voice. "They were her favorite," TK says when they're alone. "I can't believe she remembered that."

When Carlos suggests they just go home after lunch TK only makes a token objection. "I was going to show you Manhattan."

He nudges TK towards the subway, and hopes he's remembered the right one. "We'll be up here a lot more times, you have years to show me New York. Right now I think we all need naps, and he nods at Jonah who's already conked out in his stroller.

TK's mouth twists with amusement. "I think I envy him a little."

They're playing blocks with Jonah when Enzo gets home that afternoon, and he makes a face as he sits down on the carpet with them. "I am too old for this." He points a finger at them, "Let this be a lesson, have your children when you're young. Or," he reaches out to cup the back of TK's neck, "acquire them when they're past the age of crawling on the carpet." TK grins and ducks his head, and offers Enzo a hand to lever him up off the carpet.

TK gets quieter the later in the evening it is, but it isn't until after they've put Jonah to bed that he says, "I really miss Mom."

Carlos curves a hand across his knee, anchoring him, and Enzo reaches out a hand to TK and holds it firm when TK takes it. "I know, kid. Me too. Every day."

When he comes back from brushing his teeth he finds TK standing in the bedroom, staring at the framed pictures on the dresser. It’s a timeline of TK as a kid, with Gwen, with Owen, with Enzo, in the middle of a pack of kids he thinks he recognizes as younger version of the people he met yesterday, a prom picture of TK with another boy in a tux, both of them looking gangly and awkward. He comes up behind TK, looping an arm around his waist and peering over his shoulder. “You were a cute kid.”

TK twists his neck to smile at him. “I think Enzo’s cherry picking the pictures. I know Mom and Dad showed you all the embarrassing ones, don’t lie.”

He grins. “Yeah, possibly.” He drops a kiss to the back of TK’s shoulder. “What are you thinking?”

TK sighs and traces a finger along the edge of a picture of him and Gwen at a restaurant somewhere, both of them grinning and laughing. “I keep thinking it’ll get easier, that some day it’ll feel like less of a shock to remember that she’s gone. But then Dad’ll say something and I’ll think I have to tell Mom that, or there’ll be something I want to ask her about, or something I want her to tell me how to do, and I’ll remember that I can’t and it’s like hearing Enzo say it for the first time all over again.”

He steps up closer behind TK, tucking his body closer. “It hasn’t even been a year yet, sweetheart. Give yourself time.”

“There was so long when I never imagined that I’d get married, not really. But Mom always thought I would.” He turns in Carlos’s arms to look at him. “She said she knew you were the one, even if we never got married that you were the one. She would have loved helping us plan the wedding.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow and says dryly, “Because what this wedding needs is more opinions.”

TK grins. “Yeah, but she would have fought with Dad, and it would have been epic and we could have done whatever and neither one of them would have noticed until it was too late.” He stops abruptly, swallowing hard, and Carlos can hear tears thick in his throat. “She’s never going to see me get married. She’s never going to meet her grandchildren.”

And Carlos aches for him, and folds him closer and lets him cry, and curls up with him in bed when TK will let him coax him under the covers.

TK hugs Jonah for a long time the next morning, until Jonah wriggles away, but comes back with a handful of acorns that he holds out to TK. TK looks at them bemused, and Enzo stifles a laugh. “He collects them. It’s an honor if he’s giving you one.” TK nods and takes his time picking one out and says thank you.

Enzo hugs him too, whispering something in his ear that makes TK hold on for a moment longer. And then Enzo hugs Carlos too. “Thank you for coming up.” He looks at where TK is squatting next to Jonah. “I always forget how much I miss him until I see him again.

“We’ll be back in July,” Carlos promises, “and then we’ll see you for the wedding.”

Enzo nods. “Gwyn really loved you. She was so sure that the two of you would end up married. I like to think that somewhere she’s gloating, and annoyed that she can’t make bank collecting on all the pots she had a finger in.”

Carlos laughs, and TK looks up, and then pushes himself up. “We need to leave, or we’re going to tempt fate getting to the airport on time.”

#tarlos #911 lonestar #S4 Interstitials #outttake

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tallerthantale · 2 months

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What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 9: They Know Not What They Do

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that can be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first two as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness.’ The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays buried outside that awareness, whatever arrangement best prevents a threat to Aziraphale’s sense of self and makes whatever he is inclined to do feel right.

While I have been going through the timeline, there have been a few points that have been put on hold, that I’ve promised I would circle back to later, because I needed to integrate a lot of information from different points on the timeline. Now is the time for that integration. I need to more seriously address the question of how Aziraphale can still believe angels are existentially good in the abstract, with all that he has seen them do, while also believing they are acting against the wishes of God.

If angels are good by definition and don’t have a choice in their moral alignment, how do they end up committing morally reprehensible acts? If Aziraphale uses his own continued ethereal status to prove to himself God is fine with his actions, wouldn’t that also prove God is fine with all of the other angels’ actions? Not exactly, and the reason takes us all the way back to the opening of Season 1. The first point I promised I would eventually get back to was a question:

What happens if Aziraphale thinks he isn’t supposed to know what God’s will is, because it’s not for him to understand, but he also thinks that he does know it? What are the consequences of having knowledge he isn’t supposed to have?

Responsibility.

I Slithered Here From Eden

The design of the universe (according to Aziraphale) is letting humans choose sides between good and evil. That is a choice that humans make, and celestial entities don’t. But at what point did humans get that choice?

They had to have knowledge of good and evil first. As far as philosophers tend to frame things, it’s only really free will if you know what you are doing with informed consent. By eating the apple, Eve and Adam gave that knowledge to humanity. Now that humanity has the knowledge of good and evil, they have the power to make a choice, and the responsibility to choose good.

One point I glossed over at my first look at Eden is that Aziraphale was on apple tree duty. He failed that mission in a big way. While there are fun speculations about Aziraphale being distracted by the sexy snek, I wonder if he had a hard time with the idea that knowledge of good and evil was bad. When discussing the human’s transgression, Aziraphale weakly says, “It must be bad… … otherwise you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.” It’s not a compelling argument as to why eating the apple was bad, and frankly, there isn’t one. The most compelling argument I could give is that lacking knowledge of good and evil shields people from responsibility to do good, and it might be kinder not to burden humanity with that responsibility. I think during their conversation at the wall, Aziraphale won’t see things that way because that would hit too close to home.

When Crowley encouraged Eve about the apple, Crowley was just looking to stir up trouble, and was surprised they were punished so harshly. From Crowley’s perspective, I would imagine the apple as a precursor to the real temptations. Crowley argues his points logically, he is not on the ineffability train. How do you make a logical argument about what is fair and reasonable to someone who has no concept of good and evil? You’d have to teach them about good and evil first. Crowley makes arguments that are built on meaningful concepts of right and wrong frequently. They are not alien to him.

When Aziraphale takes on the worldview that the universe is set up to allow humans to choose between good and evil, he is tacitly endorsing the idea that Eve and Adam eating the apple was part of the Ineffable Plan. This was originally Crowley’s idea, though it may have just been sarcastic. Aziraphale has taken it on for real. Now the humans are choosing good and evil.

'The Right Thing'

Aziraphale has asserted very confidently twice in the timeline that choosing is for humans. Not celestials, just humans. I’ve talked about how this is self serving for him, it means he is good by definition. It makes his place in the universe make sense, it gives him a sense of self and purpose. It also has major downsides, in that it makes him consider Crowley existentially evil independent of his character and actions, which makes a mess of how he treats Crowley. It also risks entrapping him into considering the other angels definitionally good, and believing that whatever they do is definitionally 'the right thing'. The instability of what Aziraphale believes situation to situation lets him spend most of his time avoiding the downsides of any particular belief system, he mostly pulls them into focus when they are useful, and forgets about them when they aren’t.

When I’ve brought up ‘choosing is for humans’ before I glossed over a key question. Why is choosing just for humans? Not in the sense of what motivates Aziraphale to believe that, what does he think the reason is? By the Edinburgh framing, why don’t celestials have the capacity to choose that humans have? The answer: they never ate the apple. They have no meaningful knowledge of good and evil. The institution of heaven is a rigid hierarchy. Angels and demons only know what they need to know to follow orders. They have no opinions on ethics or grounded morality. 'The right thing' is a term of art for the heavenly code of conduct. 'The wrong thing' is a term of art for the demonic code of conduct.

Something shifts in Aziraphale's relationship to humanity at Edinburgh as he is confronted several times over with scenarios he can't help but notice demonstrate that the normal day to day heavenly code of conduct, 'the right thing,' is absolutely not in keeping with what he would personally understand to be morally good. It was not a one off instance from God that could be a test, the issue was the system. He was forced to acknowledge Crowley knew what was morally right better than he did, and that he knows what is morally good better than the other angels do. Aziraphale's biggest leaps forward happen when he is forced to admit he does actually have an opinion that is his own.

I think for the audience, the absurdity of 'the right thing' and 'the wrong thing' being terms of art is most pronounced when demons are tasked with doing 'the wrong thing' because God represents Herself to will it. When Crowley 'destroys' Job's goats and children, his permit is signed by God. Crowley understands his assignment as given by God. Does that make it 'the right thing'? No, it's outsourced to hell because the aesthetics are wrong, and if it's been given to hell to do, that makes it 'the wrong thing' for Crowley to do it. Does that make it 'the right thing' for Crowley to refuse? No, because the code of conduct for the angels it to let it happen, and Crowley isn't an angel anyway. The correct thing for Crowley to do is 'the wrong thing,' that God want's him to do. (Aziraphale doesn't believe that is what God wants in that case, but he does believe that God generally wants demons to do demonic things.)

These terms have no relationship to what is actually morally good or bad. However, the knowledge from the apple does have that grounded relationship. Humans need that connection to have that real choice, and be accountable for that choice. Celestials are following orders, they aren't 'supposed' to be making choices, they are 'supposed' to do what they are told. Knowledge of actual good and actual evil has no value to their professional role. Aziraphale continues to think that ignorance is how things ought to work all the way to the 1800's, and even as he shifts to wanting the other angels to have the depth of that knowledge, he can plainly observe that they don't.

To be clear, this isn’t to say that celestials are not able to decide to do things, but rather that as Aziraphale sees it, their actions cannot be judged in a way that impacts their moral alignment. The angels aren't responsible for the misalignment of heaven because they don’t know any better. Their actions don’t make them less existentially good, because they are too ignorant to make informed choices. Same with the demons. I don’t think Aziraphale would consider any of them to have chosen evil, because they didn’t have knowledge. Fate put them in the evil role, and they do what they are told. Choosing sides is for the humans, and they are only able to do it because of their ability to know the difference between good and evil.

As we move past Edinburgh, Aziraphale understands that the angels, near universally, are maintaining a system that doesn't let humans choose freely thee way he would believe in, and thus they are maintaining a system that he believes isn't operating as God would want. As a practical matter of staffing, it would make a mess of things if She turned them all into demons.

Aziraphale can use his maintained ethereal status to prove to himself that he is on good terms with God, because he is the odd one out. If Aziraphale is in the wrong, and heaven has the right of it, it doesn't break the system to fell the weirdo angel going off on temptation missions as a treat and salivating over demon décolletage. If everyone else is wrong, the remedy for that has to be learning, growth, education, and training, not leaving Aziraphale as the last angel standing.

Unconditional Forgiveness

The second time Aziraphale argues choosing is for humans, it isn’t an argument about ability anymore. He wants all of the angels to join him in deciding not to choose a side, in taking a caretaker role over the system that lets the humans choose. He presents this plan to the archangels, offering them a way forward that would move them away from ignorant obedience and us vs them thinking, into a world of layers and depth.

They are not prepared to go along with Aziraphale on this, lacking his 6000 year long character arc of developing knowledge of ethical complexity. Uriel accuses Aziraphale of thinking too much. When Aziraphale shouts at the archangels on their way back to heaven, he calls them ‘bad angels’ in the tone someone would use to say 'bad dog.' It is an expression of them being ‘bad at being angels’ yes, but it is also an expression of their lack of depth, lack of thought, and lack of understanding. It is a condescending dismissiveness of their capacity to make valid decisions. I don’t think Aziraphale retains any animus towards them after the scene ends, because they don’t have enough knowledge to be accountable for their actions.

When Crowley confronts Gabriel in Season 2, he points out that Aziraphale wasn't there for his execution. He never witnessed Gabriel tell him to “shut his stupid face and die.” That's true, but I honestly don’t think it would make a difference to Aziraphale. Aziraphale also does not retain the resentment for Michael’s role in Crowley’s failed execution that Crowley has for Gabriel. I don’t think that comes from a lack of valuing Crowley, but instead speaks to Aziraphale’s unwillingness to apply accountability to celestial entities. Gabriel hasn’t eaten the apple. Michael hasn’t eaten the apple. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Automatically, no hesitation. Without knowledge of good and evil, they are not responsible.

But That's For Them

I have talked about how Aziraphale doesn’t believe everything he can believe at once, and his potential beliefs often contradict themselves. Aziraphale has a lot of shame and self doubt for someone with developed strategies on how to be certain his choices are good by definition. (Not an uncommon phenomenon IRL, but still an ironic one. People develop the strategies because they feel a need to have them.) He puts an enormous burden on himself to do the right thing, compared to the instant and absolute forgiveness he grants to the other angels. Aziraphale does gloss over his own mistakes, but not by forgiving himself. He does it by burying the shame out of his awareness because he can't forgive himself.

Over time Aziraphale has become more settled into comfortably believing that he can intuit God’s will in ways the other angels... I wouldn't say 'can't,' but at the very least, don't. Along with that comfort, he has developed his own senses of what is morally good, and morally bad, and those opinions diverge from how the concepts are framed by heaven and hell. He can also observe that the other angels have not developed these concepts. Gabriel has a preference for getting what he wants, Michael has a preference for order, and Uriel woke up this morning and chose violence. They have personalities, but no moral compass. Post Edinburgh Aziraphale typically considers himself to have knowledge of good and evil that the other angels do not have. Given that he is correct, I am willing to forgive him the arrogance.

Aziraphale understands that ‘wrong’ as defined by heaven has no substance. What he sometimes forgets is that he personally does have substance. It is uncomfortable for him to know that, because the weight of responsibility is tied to it. When he is told to do something he cannot do, or abide by something he cannot let stand, Aziraphale believes he has knowledge of good and evil, because he needs to own that knowledge to justify going against the party line. When it kicks in, he feels the weight of the responsibility to make the morally right choice, and he feels the horror of all the other angels being on board with the morally wrong one.

The moments where he goes against heaven and the rest of the angels because he thinks that he understands God’s will and that they don’t are not Aziraphale at his most self righteous. Quite the opposite, he usually seems hesitant and ashamed. He has knowledge of good and evil, but he doesn’t think he is supposed to have it. Most of the time he wishes that he didn’t. Aziraphale is very good at suppressing knowledge he wishes he didn’t have.

The evidence isn’t always visible, but Aziraphale has metaphorically eaten the apple. So has Crowley, although I don’t think Aziraphale believes Crowley was responsible for his fall. I think modern Aziraphale is fully onboard with the idea that God felled Crowley into a martyr as part of a larger plan. The other celestials haven’t eaten the apple. Yet. Saraqael and Muriel are probably on their way, but I don’t think Gabriel and Beelzebub are. They went AWOL for love, not for principles. For Crowley and Aziraphale, as grand as their love for each other is and has been, their principles always came first. That is what they love about each other.

To Shades of Grey

At Uz Crowley was a demon who goes along with hell as far as he can, and Aziraphale was an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can. To the extent that they experienced a choice, it was finding ways to be as conformist to their jobs as their principles would let them. Post agreement, they tend to stray as far as they can get away with. Their principles would allow them to be more conformist, they just don’t want to be. They aren't trading and gambling on their professional assignments at the Globe because Aziraphale got asked by Gabriel to allow an atrocity in the name of heaven, or because Crowley got tasked with killing children, it was because neither of them felt like bothering to ride a horse up to Scotland. There is no rock vs. hard place dilemma there.

At first Aziraphale hides behind believing that he is too definitionally good for doing Crowley's assignments to be 'choosing' anything, or creatively reframes his understanding of responsibility to not feel his actions are impacting the outcome. After the church bombing, something clicked when he allowed himself to know he was in love with a demon. He let himself know he was choosing to meaningfully stray from the expectations of what it supposedly means to be an angel.

In 1941, Aziraphale offered a toast “To Shades of Grey.” At this toast, Aziraphale let himself understand that he and Crowley do have a degree of choice, and the shades they each choose are not pure. The responsibility is something he really doesn’t want to engage with most of the time. The option is there though. If a decent set of situational beliefs can be cobbled together, Aziraphale can believe that he and Crowley are human aligned enough to choose a little, deciding to become a bit grey, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability that the other celestials don’t have.

I think the choice of their shades of grey needs to be understood relative to their respective defaults. Aziraphale represents a default white that decided to become light grey, and Crowley represents a default black that decided to become dark grey. We can understand this as Crowley preferring darker shades to Aziraphale, and while that is true, I think it is very misleading. Crowley is choosing the lightest shade of the options available to him, and Aziraphale is choosing the darkest shade of the options available to him. I don’t think that is lost on Aziraphale. It is one of the tragedies of their miscommunication that Aziraphale believes Crowley to be the better one, while consistently saying sentences a reasonable listener would assume mean the opposite.

To The World

The toast is offered by Crowley. Crowley, who argues with God over Her treatment of humanity. Crowley, who gave humanity knowledge of good and evil. Crowley, who paved the way for saving Job’s children. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to work to alleviate human suffering, and give a way 90 guineas. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale of the need for humans to have equal opportunity. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to try to derail the Great Plan. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to stand up to the Institution of Heaven. Crowley, who just before this toast predicted their peace wouldn’t last.

To the World. Their home together. Their future together. Their choice together. Their responsibility together. Aziraphale believes they are committed to defending the earth together. And, he believes that is what God wants them both to do.

Part 9/10

#good omens #good omens meta #go meta #ineffable spouses #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #what does aziraphale actually believe

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egg-emperor · 17 days

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Game canon Eggman is pure evil y'all, rest assured to my fellow evil Eggman enjoyers. He's never acted for any reason that wasn't fueled by his evil/selfish intentions. I've carefully analyzed him in all of his scenes for hours and hours for years and years. I don't need to theorize, speculate, or insist on personal interpretations to get to this conclusion because I specifically go by what the games tell and show me undeniably.

I analyze very literally, not abstract or based on how I feel about it, only literally what I can see and hear. I feel this avoids a lot of unnecessary confusion and complication and it can actually be this way and yet still have a lot of depth to it to explore despite this. I don't see appeal in straying too far with the what ifs rather than the literals that are deliberately blatantly presented because the former is when bias can seep in.

But I know some probably think, "If you think I'm biased because I don't like pure evil Eggman so I don't want to see him as such, why aren't you biased for not liking less than pure evil Eggman? What if you're just seeing what you want to see?" But with the way I only go by what's blatantly there to see and hear in the games themselves in bold explicit forms, I feel I avoid any chance of bias.

I don't like to admit this but when I was younger, I had some incorrect interpretations about Eggman. Yes, even me. XD I never thought he was this completely good and caring guy but I definitely didn't have the most accurate understanding of who he was, how he'd act in certain situations, and what he is or isn't likely to say or do. A lot of my own personal biases at the time were to blame.

Years of heavy studying and analysis got me to where I am now. And I realized he said or did the exact opposite in the games to what I thought he'd do or wrote in my silly private fanfics back then. So I started to look at him neutral and unbiased, without expecting or wanting anything specific and letting it influence my perception. Only exactly what I could hear him say and see him do instead.

I rebuilt my understanding into what it is now and ever since, it has stayed completely consistent. Every new piece of media just reaffirms it or gives me new stuff to add that tracks and doesn't contradict the old in the slightest. I'm still having new revelations, discoveries and eyes opened to new things about him but they only further prove, develop, and strengthen my understanding now.

This was all done by me just shutting off these biased parts of my mind and letting the game canon show me who he was, not by my own personal desires and influences. Then I realized I was such a big fan of what I understood him to be, all of my desires turned into loving game canon Eggman for exactly who he was and wanting him to stay the funny pure evil bastard he is. And he does! 💜

But yeah because of that, even though my old perception years ago certainly wasn't the same level as those that spread misinformation of him being way nicer, softer, and morally good than he is in the games, I know what it's like for bias to influence me in some ways. And those little things I believed then are far different from what I know now, so this isn't an example of me being biased lol

I'm very happy that I came to fully recognize, embrace, and appreciate his funny but very much pure evil self! And one of the main goals of my blog besides expressing my passion, is to help people learn more about him and understand him too because I swear, your enjoyment and appreciation of him can grow so much stronger when you do. I love when I'm told I've helped with that!

But if you really don't like that he's pure evil because it makes you uncomfortable, that's fine. But there's a difference between not wanting to see it because you don't like it and what happens in the games. And if you don't like game canon Eggman like that, I have a lot of respect for you if you admit that and just do something different in your fan stuff, without claiming it to be fact.

But game canon Eggman canonically being a funny silly but very evil and threatening bastard man personally fills me with immense joy and it's why I adore him so much. It's endless fun and entertainment! 🥰💜

#hope people don't take this the wrong way as telling people what to do. tried to make that clear at the end #and I'm trying to say that I almost understand the opposite perspective #just speaking my mind honestly as usual #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #sonic the hedgehog #my post #eggman is evil

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dandylovesturtles · 3 months

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pls talk to me about 100 Feet and a World Away Raph's recovery process, if he relapses sometimes or what it's like for him in general

Sure! This got long so I had to put it behind a read more lol

So keep in mind nothing about this part of the AU is intended to be realistic haha, in reality Raph would need years of multiple kinds of therapies, including behavioral therapy and speech therapy, to get anywhere near what you could consider recovered, but I'm fast tracking this because we want Raph to get his happy ending with everyone else!

Some content warnings here for depersonalization, dissociation, etc

During his captivity Raph has very few and fleeting moments of lucidity - even when he does manage to "surface," once he realizes what's happening and that he's alone he pretty much shuts down again immediately. This doesn't mean Raph is gone, though! He'll later say it was like he was underwater, able to hear and see things but always muffled, smeary, and understanding would slip through his grasp. When Raph sleeps, he often dreams of the things that have happened to him in abstract ways and uses this to process - something that he hates when he's still captive but which becomes invaluable once he's free and trying desperately to get back to his family.

Raph also isn't entirely alone in his head, at least not always! He gets a... visitor from time to time. This visitor does everything they can to help Raph in the time they can spend with him, and is the main reason why Raph hasn't completely lost touch with things like speech by the time he finally manages to regain lucidity.

Raph's recovery process is very, very slow. For the first few weeks he doesn't seem to entirely realize that he's been freed - it's only the smell of his family nearby, or the sounds of their voices, that keep him calm. He still acts very animalistic during that time and basically can't be left alone at all. All of the family is afraid that he may be beyond recovery (though they are still resolved to care for and love him no matter what), and they all have different reactions to this. For Splinter this is another heartbreak on top of a pile, and he has a tendency to overly baby Raph to the point that it feels more like how one would treat a pet at times, though he does constantly remind himself of his son's personhood to combat this instinct. Leo has known Raph is like this for a long time, but he's not dealing with anything well and he doesn't deal with this well, either - he's in mourning even though he refuses to say it. Mikey is openly optimistic that they'll get Raph back, but this also means he tends to get his hopes up about a new thing to try, and then gets disappointed when it doesn't work. Only Donnie seems completely unbothered by the "new Raph," and basically just talks to Raph like he does the others, and seems to enjoy having someone he can ramble to about science without end. Because of this, Raph bonds with Donnie the fastest, and when Raph finally manages to talk again, his first words are to Donnie.

Through his dreams, Raph comes to know that he's safe, and slowly the things around him start to get clearer. He starts to recognize his family members by sight as much as smell, he starts acting less and less animalistic and starts to manage basic tasks, like feeding himself with utensils. He starts talking in brief words and sentences, and his vocabulary builds rapidly with the help of his visitor and the dreams and Donnie talking to him endlessly. He also has brief periods of lucidity throughout this time, but to his frustration he can't quite hang on to them - like his muscles have to rebuild their strength to acknowledge reality.

Once he feels safe enough, Raph will finally manage a period of lucidity that lasts longer than a few minutes to an hour. There also may be some mystic stuff that happens in here to help him finally overcome his last mental blocks.

And then it's like he finally breaks the surface for real this time. He's not underwater anymore. He knows and understands everything around him. At least as well as his brothers do, anyway.

It takes him more time and stability to finally get back to a person who resembles the Raph we have in canon (though never quite the same), but he makes improvements all the time.

He does have relapses occasionally after this point, usually if he's left alone without any warning or if something severely startles him. If he doesn't get enough sleep or if he's sick or overwhelmed he can sometimes slip into more animalistic ways of acting, too. In those cases, the others just have to ground him, by talking to him and reminding him of where he is and what's going on until he feels safe enough to "surface" again. And eventually he learns new coping mechanisms and ways of feeling safe that don't necessitate completely dissociating from reality.

Thanks for the ask!

#100 feet and a world away #rottmnt #rise raph

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endiness · 9 months

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for people who actually care about basing their opinion off of all of the information instead of, idk, none or clickbaity article headlines... here is what tomasz baginski said in his interview when it comes to changing things from the books:

There is also the question of the recipient’s sensitivity. I often point this out to others [in the production team], such as how they simplify politics in the plot. We, Poles, see various political events differently because of our history and experiences. We see more nuances. Especially in the context of what is happening beyond our eastern border. We can recognize this gray area where various influences and powers flow. It is more understandable and transparent to us. For example, that this person is good and this one is bad, but also a little good, and here it’s rather gray and we understand why this good hero does some unpleasant things. We catch it in three seconds. I had the same perceptual block when I presented Hardkor 44 [a never-made variation on the Warsaw Uprising] abroad years ago and tried to explain: there was an uprising against Germany, but the Russians were across the river, and on the German side there were also soldiers from Hungary or Ukraine. For Americans, it was completely incomprehensible, too complicated, because they grew up in a different historical context, where everything was arranged: America is always good, the rest are the bad guys. And there are no complications. When a series is made for a huge mass of viewers, with different experiences, from different parts of the world, and a large part of them are Americans, these simplifications not only make sense, they are necessary. It’s painful for us, and for me too, but the higher level of nuance and complexity will have a smaller range, it won’t reach people. Sometimes it may go too far, but we have to make these decisions and accept them.

and here is the thing he said about tiktok in an interview over a year ago when talking about s2 because for some reason we're bringing this up:

BAGINSKI: I see the fastening of the processes Jacek Dukaj wrote about in his book – "Po piśmie" ("After the script"). We resign from cause-and-effect chains, from the linear narration. This book-like narration. When it comes to shows, the younger the public is, the logic of the plot is less significant.

INTERVIEWER: What is significant, then?

BAGINSKI: Just pure emotions. A bare emotional mix. Those people grow up on TikTok, Youtube, they jump from a video to video...

INTERVIEWER: You're talking to such person.

BAGINSKI: So, it's time to be serious: Dear children, what you do to yourself makes you less resilient for longer content, for long and complicated chains of cause an effect.

INTERVIEWER: You're talking about something else that's hidden between your words. What you mean is that you don't know how to make a show kids'd like to watch.

BAGINSKI: Generally, I try to know what people react to and like to watch. Long and complex narratives will remain, it'll be like a classic shelf in a bookstore. People will still read that, it will be popular at some point. But the edge of the mass audience is moving a bit into the a less linear narration, less cohesive one. I think it's inevitable. As reading is not natural for the human brain.

INTERVIEWER: Yep, you gotta learn it, it's hard.

BAGINSKI: Oh, in this sense, yes. You need a lot of effort to learn to recognise all these symbols. You probably don't remember that. If you're a genius, you read when you're 3. It's some big effort for your brain, moreover, it's not natural. The things we receive with our heads... There's nothing literary there. We have to learn literature. Learn to receive it and write it. It's like mathematics, a lot of abstract symbols you have to learn to recognise. People who understand it will remain, the people who work on narration, they have to work on texts. But, more and more people won't need it. Why write if I can record or say it? Why write if I can receive emotions in a different way. It's a controversial thesis. When Dukaj published it, there was a lot of arguments like: "But I still read! My friends, too!" However, we talk about trends in a scale.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, it's not about you or your friend.

BAGINSKI: We talk about global trends. The success of TikTok wouldn't be possible without that. It's happening. It's just easier to watch and click, watch another one, than read a book and follow all those twists and plots. We'll see how it goes. I think The Witcher is safe for now, there are still a few more years... Maybe it's because of the generation.

in either case, it’s pretty obvious he’s not blaming ~*~the fans~*~ for the changes the show made to the books but talking about how american/western media is made and younger audiences who grew up on social media in general.

#the witcher #tomasz baginski #tomek baginski #!txt: the witcher

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yaksha-lover · 5 months

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hellooo (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠* your writing complements hozier lyrics so well omg

this idea has been sitting in my brain since i read the sebek shrike fic, but idia and a scenario inspired by abstract (psychopomp)...

the singer's acceptance of the inevitability of death contrasted to his lover's empathy and want to comfort a soul that recently passed makes the brainrot go brrr

this is just. my favourite ask ever <33 hozier is inspo for sm that i write and i’ve been meaning to write something for unreal unearth for a while. i love your idea, it fits so well with idia

The death of his brother shattered any remaining ounce of optimism left in him, leaving Idia apathetic to everyone’s fates, including his own. It’s easier this way; to accept that the world is cruel and there is nothing that can be done to make things better. No use fighting or hoping or loving because nothing he does matters. He can’t change his past or his future, no matter how hard he wishes or prays to whatever higher power he can bring himself to believe in for even a moment.

Never hoping means never being disappointed. Never loving means never getting hurt. Idia’s been resigned to his solitude; why should he bother caring about anything when it will inevitably only bring about more suffering and despair? Why shouldn’t he shut himself away from the world, not giving himself the chance to hope and be hurt?

Why do you hope, in spite of everything?

You know it will die, and yet you cry. You know it will die, and yet you care. It doesn’t make sense to him- the raccoon’s fate is inevitable, and you know this.

Why are you upset, when this is the way of things; when you knew what would happen from the moment you encountered it suffering by the roadside?

Why waste your love on such a hopeless, pitiful creature? One with its fate sealed, no energy left to fight to change its future.

He’s stunned as he watches you remove your jacket to pick up the poor thing, cradling it in your lap as it shivers and heaves. You pay no mind to the dirt or blood it drags onto you.

You make no move to transport the dying creature; you know there’s nothing left to do but-

As Idia watches you stroke your fingers gently through the fur on its head, he’s reminded of when you’d comforted him through another bout of anxiety and spiralling about his future.

No matter how much he’d wished he could shut up, he couldn’t stop babbling to you about his inevitable fate - how it would make even the few things he cared about meaningless. How you would leave him, how your relationship was just him dragging you down and wasting your time. All the things he’d hoped to keep bottled up forever came gushing out.

You’d held him in silence, just as you did for the raccoon now. You’d scolded him for thinking you’d leave, but it wasn’t that sentiment which brought you to tears.

It was when you started admonishing him for saying your relationship could be a waste. He was shaken by the way the drops streamed down your cheeks, your voice remaining steady even as you told him that love was never a waste. That no matter what happened between you and him, that you would never regret loving him.

Just as Idia believes there’s no chance for him to change his future, he believes it was inevitable for him to fall in love with you. He wanted to fight it; not to care, especially about someone so different from him. Someone who still had hope, who challenged his apathy.

It’s hard for him to watch you get hurt by this creature, just as it’s hard for him to watch you get hurt by himself.

With its last bit of energy, the racoon lifts it’s head slightly to peer up at you. It no longer squirms or writhes in pain; there’s a sort of peace to the look in its eyes.

Idia understands the look. He’d felt it himself when you’d held him. You could do nothing to change anyone’s fate, and yet you still fought with everything you could to bring them comfort and make the inevitable as gentle as possible.

He doesn’t know why you care, but he can admit to himself that he’s glad that you do. When you entangle your hand into his, he knows things will not change, but having you by his side makes all the difference.

#partially inspired as well by the devilman crybaby scene #also hozier made my number 2 spot on wrapped this year (he should’ve been number 1 😔)#twst x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #twst #twisted wonderland

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