If I Should Stay
Part 1 | . . . | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Steve slides down the wall as soon as he’s in the bathroom, hands going to his hair, gripping hard as he tries to remember how to breathe.
“Steve?” Robin says. “The door’s locked, it’s just us. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Robs, I look at her and all I see is bullshit, and I know she’s got questions, and fuck, she probably thinks I’m cheating on her, which I’d never do, but she- and Jonathan-”
“Whoa,” Robin says, grabbing his hands. “Deep breaths, Steve-o, we’re gonna make it through this. I will absolutely flirt with Nancy if it helps on the accusation front. I told Eddie the kids like D&D, so hopefully…” she trails off, listening, and they both smirk when they hear Eddie, already in character. “That didn’t take long.”
“He’s a good guy,” Steve says. “And they’re good kids. Mostly.”
Robin snorts. “Mostly,” she agrees. “Listen, why don’t you break up with Nancy? Nothing else happens between the two of you, right? So we tell everyone what’s going on, you pull Nancy aside—I’ll come for moral support if you want—and explain what happens and tell her you can’t see her anymore.”
“You don’t think it’ll mess with the whole timeline thing?”
“Steve. Buddy. We’re telling a group of twelve-year-olds about something that happens four years in the future. The timeline’s well and truly fucked. You weren’t happy with her, not after Barb, right? Because the stories you told me painted you as being miserable.”
Steve sighs. Reclaims one of his hands to run it through his hair. “Yeah.”
“Okay then. And hey,” she says, moving to sit next to him. “Maybe if you break up with her now, you can do something about your crush on a certain someone.”
“Robs, c’mon,” he complains. “Even if I did, what happens after? When we go back to ‘87? Are there three years of memories I don’t have? Do we break up before you and I go back, and pick it up again four years later? And what if we fail and he dies anyways? What then, Robin?”
She leans her head on his shoulder with a sigh. “I dunno, Dingus. But hey, I’m here.”
He offers her a half-smile before laying his head on hers. “Yeah. You are.”
A knock on the door startles them. “Uh, Steve?” It’s Nancy. She sounds oddly apprehensive. “Eddie’s doing a great job at keeping the kids occupied, but we’d all like to know what’s going on.”
Steve sighs and pushes his face into Robin’s hair for a second before turning back to the door to answer. “Yeah. We’ll be right there.”
Nancy doesn’t answer. The first time around, it was something Steve had found endearing. She didn’t have time to waste on meaningless words. Now, it irks him a little bit.
“C’mon,” Robin says gently. “You can fall apart again after, but there’s no use catastrophizing over something that hasn’t happened yet.”
He quirks his mouth up at her. “Right, ‘cause you’ve never been dramatic a day in your life.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m a band kid, Steven, of course I’m dramatic.” She begins to smirk. “Besides, not like you mind when it’s-”
“Okay,” he says, but they’re both smiling as he unlocks the door.
They go downstairs and he smiles at the sight of everyone on the couch, enraptured, as Eddie’s crouched on the coffee table, eyes wide, monologuing. Steve casts his eyes around, taking everyone in, and starts to frown. “Where’s El?”
Nancy’s the first to break out of the reverie. She looks around, brows furrowed, then slaps at Mike’s arm until he slaps back. “What?”
“Where’s El?”
“She’s right- oh.” Saucer-wide eyes turn to Nancy. “I don’t know.”
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Headcanon: eddie loves jokingly flirting with robin because theyre both vehemently queer and obviously incompatible as a couple but that doesnt seem to stop people from falling for it EVERY TIME and thinking that theyre actually into each other. People, including steve.
Steve who doesnt pick up on it being a joke. Steve who is desperately trying to think of a way to get eddie to stop without outing robin or crushing eddies heart. Steve, who decides the best way forward is to defensively flirt back whenever eddie makes a pass at robin, feigning that he thought it was directed at him. Steve who doesnt pick up on it for months when eddie turns his attention from jokingly flirting to robin to actually unabashedly flirting with steve. Steve who finds himself reliving those conversations late at night while he lies in bed. Steve who suddenly seems to be attending dnd campeigns despite not understanding it at all. Steve who flirts with npc just so eddie will look at him with that wicked grin. Steve who stays back late to help clear up. Steve that ends up pinned against a dungy basement wall, lips locked with the boy hes been in love with for weeks.
Eddie, who fell just as hard, pissing himself because now he owes robin $5.
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This post is full angst, so be warned!!
"I don't understand," Eddie says.
Steve sits at their kitchen table, hands in fists and jaw clenched. He won't meet Eddie's eyes.
"You heard me."
"I--are you saying you don't want to be together anymore?" Steve doesn't answer, and Eddie can't bear it. "Steve. Is that what you're saying to me right now?
The hard line of Steve's jaw tenses further. "I don't know. I don't know if we want the same things anymore."
He shakes his head, tightening his lips around the furious words that want to spill out. "I want those things. You know I want them too. Nothing has changed for me."
Steve scoffs, turns his face away. "Kids, a dog, the white picket fence, that's not you, Eddie."
Eddie's mad that this is happening here, now, but this at least brings a sliver of understanding. "Is this about what your dad said last night? Because, bab--"
"That has nothing to do with this. I don't care--"
"You do care, Steve, don't lie. Not about this."
"He's a homophobic prick, it doesn't matter."
Eddie sinks to his knees in front of his boyfriend. "It matters, of course it does. He's your dad, the things he does hurt--"
"Is he wrong?" Steve snarls with a vehemence that has Eddie stumbling back. "You can't give me kids or stability or--or normalcy."
Angry tears threaten now, but he blinks them away, has to stay calm has to figure out how to make this right. "I'm trying to give us that life, sweetheart. I'm sorry it's not gonna happen overnight."
Steve shakes his head. "How can we have that when you're never home?"
Eddie lets out a noise that doesn't know if it's a laugh or a sob. "Are you serious? How can you--You can't just--You want to do this now?" He settles on, eyes flicking to where his suitcases and guitar are in a pile at the door. The clock audibly ticks down to when he needs to leave to meet the guys, to go on the tour that could change their lives.
"When else would we do it?" Steve asks, and there's suddenly fire in his voice, a blaze in his eyes.
Fury makes him shake enough that his teeth snap together. "I've been home for two weeks, Steve. We've had thirteen days to talk about this, and you pick an hour before I leave for three months?"
"You're always leaving, Eddie, that's the whole problem!"
"Yeah, so I can give you that life you're so desperate for! This is our ticket out of here."
"It's your ticket! It has nothing to do with me."
Eddie stands, so angry he thinks he might throw up. This isn't the first time they've had this fight, far from it, but they agreed--they agreed. "You said," Eddie's voice shakes. 'You said you wanted me to do this. That it was important to you. I told you what it would be like, that it would be hard, and you, you--" If he speaks anymore it will be a scream.
Steve is crying now, silent tears dashing down his face. "You know how many days you've been home in the last year, Ed?" He can't answer, hides his face in his hands. "One-hundred and fifteen. I might as well not even have a boyfriend, at this point."
"Don't say that," Eddie chokes. "Don't you dare. This is for you. For us."
"Nothing is for me!" Steve yells.
"Everything is!" Eddie shouts back. He's pulling at his shirt, like he's trying to bare his whole heart to the only man he's every loved. "Every song we record, every show we play, every tour we go on, is for you, Steve. Everything I do is for you!"
Silence rings through their kitchen, until Steve's soft, emotion broken voice, asks. "What if it's not enough?"
He does sob at that, can't hold in any longer. "Are you done with me?"
Steve doesn't answer, buries his face in his arms.
"Steve. Say it. Tell me we're over."
Still, Steve doesn't answer.
Eddie doesn't speak again. He crosses to the door, gathers his bags, his guitar, his keys and wallet. Doesn't bother to look back to where Steve sits, can't stand it, opens the front door.
It's the squeak of the hinges that finally drives Steve to speak. "Are you coming back?"
Eddie tilts his head, opens his mouth but closes it again before he says something he'll regret for the rest of his life.
He walks out, the door slamming into it's frame behind him.
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