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watercolor-hearts · 4 months

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can you write a carlando hurt/comfort And fluff fic where carlos feels undeserving of lando and he comforts him? maybe something along the lines of them having to hide/not being out of the closet and carlos feels guilty because lando deserves to live carefree? or maybe carlos contractually needs to have a "beard" and feels guilty about being in public with a woman and feels its unfair on lando? whatever you feel like writing, id just love to read some carlando where carlos is the one needing comfort because hes always portrayed as the strong one :)

Hi 😊 Sorry for the long wait, the story is finally here. I tried to include everything in it you wrote in your ask. I hope you'll like it. 😊

Carlos/Lando • 1943 words • emotional hurt/comfort • non-sexual bathing together • hugs • cuddling & snuggling • Ao3 link

Lando didn’t know what happened, he only knew that Carlos wasn’t okay. He wasn’t smiling when he greeted Lando after arriving home, the kiss he gave him wasn’t like the others, and the hug... That was when it had become clear to Lando that something was going on; when he felt Carlos’ ragged breathing on his back as his boyfriend hugged him from behind. It felt like Carlos was about to cry, or had just finished crying.

“Hey,” Lando turned around to face Carlos, not letting go of him without observing his face to see if there were any signs of tears. Fortunately, there weren't any, but his face wasn’t as soft as usual, which concerned Lando. “Are you alright?”

“I love you so much,” Carlos murmured, purposefully not answering Lando’s question, “You know that, yes?” he asked, clinging to Lando, his face buried into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, letting the scent of Lando’s soft skin calm him down.

This day’s been long and he needed Lando. He just wanted to hold him and be close to him, never letting him go. He just wanted to imagine a life where they could be together freely. A life where nobody cares about who’s with whom.

Lando pressed a soft kiss on Carlos’ neck, “I know, you muppet, and I love you too. What about a bath? You look like you need it.”

“Sounds amazing.”

“Then I’m gonna prep it for you, just give me a few minutes.”

“Don’t go yet,” Carlos asked, hugging Lando tighter, “I need… Just another second.”

“I’m here,” Lando whispered, moving his hand up and down on Carlos’s back to ease the tension in his body, “But if you let me draw a bath I can make you feel better. Wash your hair, massage your shoulders, anything you want. Or you can just… Lean on me, close your eyes, and tell me what’s on your mind. And then we can cuddle in bed. You can be the little spoon.”

“I don’t even deserve you…”

“Don’t say that,” Lando asked, “You’re just having a bad day and I’m here for you just like you’re here for me when I’m having a bad day.”

Carlos sighed, slowly letting Lando go to prepare the bath, following him to the bathroom, “I didn’t think it was going to be this bad. This whole thing with the new contract and with this… Fake girlfriend. It’s… harder than I imagined when we were first talking about it.”

“Did you have your first meeting today?” Lando asked while turning on the tap to fill the bathtub.

“Yes,” Carlos nodded, “She’s… Not that bad. I mean she’s nice. But I’m… It’s just… Doesn’t feel right. I know it’s just a job for her, she gets money for it but I… I don’t know if it was a good idea to sign the new contract and have a fake girlfriend just because they wouldn’t have given me a new contract without it. I want this with Ferrari. The championship win. Ferrari is the team. Everybody’s dream. But I… I’m not sure if it’s worth it if they don’t respect me. If they cannot accept who I am. I know that for Ferrari the image is very important but it’s important to me too. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to… Deny the existence of our relationship. I don’t want to lose you because of this shitty game Ferrari makes me play just because I’m into men too and I live with a man and if people knew it, it would be bad for Ferrari’s image because it has to be immaculate, and being bisexual or gay or whatever that’s not straight doesn’t fit in because it’s not normal and clean like being cisgender and straight. We’re still here. Even in the 21st century. I want to fit in, Lando. I want to fit in because I want to be world champion and I want to do it with Ferrari but—”

“Carlos, love,” Lando said after turning off the tap, and grabbing Carlos’ hand to get him out of this half-venting, half-panicking situation, “We’re gonna take a deep breath now, okay? You can continue after that, I just want you to take a little break to breathe,” Lando explained while looking straight into Carlos’ eyes to make sure he understood it. When Carlos nodded, Lando guided him through a breathing exercise, slowly and patiently, to make sure he really helped with it.

“Sorry for the venting,” Carlos apologized, running his hand through his hair, “I… I needed it. It’s better now.”

“It’s okay,” Lando smiled softly, “The water’s ready, time to undress and get in the tub.”

“Thank you,” Carlos smiled, and took off his t-shirt and then everything else while Lando did the same, and then tossed their clothes into the laundry basket.

They both sat in the bathtub, facing the same direction, Lando at the end, Carlos in front of him, leaning on him with closed eyes while Lando covered him with bubbles. The soft lavender scent around them has helped them to completely calm down and relax.

“How can I help you, love?” Lando asked after a while, “What could help in this situation?”

Carlos sighed and opened his eyes, “I don’t know, cariño. I just… I don’t want you to feel like I don’t love you or that I want to hide you. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I’m mad at myself for getting into this fake girlfriend situation. You deserve better than me. You’re always here for me, supporting me even when you have to hurt yourself with it…”

“I don’t hurt—”

“You said I should sign the contract if I really want to continue with Ferrari, even though you knew that there’s this fake girlfriend thing and that I have to do things with her you always dream about doing with me. Going on dates, having dinners in restaurants, walking on the streets hand in hand, being a couple. That’s your dream. And still, you said that if trying it one more time with Ferrari is what my heart really wants, then sign that contract and pretend to be the boyfriend of that girl because you’ve put my happiness over yours. You said that you’d wait for me as long as you need to. But… But this is not what you deserve, Lando. You don’t deserve to be in the closet because of me and my stupid dreams and the stupid rules of my team. You… You should be free. You should have a boyfriend you can hold hands with, you should have a boyfriend that’s not as stupid as I am. You should… You should be smarter and choose someone else you can be happy and free with.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Lando sounded more serious than he usually is, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Carlos Sainz. You know why I’m doing this?” he asked, glad that Carlos couldn’t turn around to see his face, the tears in his eyes, “I’m doing this because I love you. Because you’re the only one I want to be with and if it means that I have to continue being in the closet for a few more years then I’ll continue being there. I’ll continue breaking my own heart with the thought of that girl getting to do almost everything I dream of with you because I do believe that one day we’ll be free and I’ll get to do it too. And I also hope that signing with that red team again will bring you the result you deserve because you deserve to be on the top and you’re capable of it and it’s not a question for me to support you, Carlos. It was never a question. Because I love you and love sometimes hurts but I do believe in a happy ending. If at the end of the day, I’m the one you come home to and I’m the one you say I love you to, then it’s all worth it. It’s all worth it because I love you way too much to give our relationship up,” Lando’s voice became thin, his throat almost too tight to say the last sentence he wanted to, “I won’t give up on you, I won’t give up on us.”

“I wish I could hug you now,” Carlos said, lifting Lando's hand up to his mouth to kiss it and then put it on his chest, right over his heart, “Please don’t cry because if you cry I’ll cry too. I… I really need to look at you because this feels so strange – talking to you while not looking at you.”

Carlos got up and turned around to be able to look at Lando. It wasn’t the most comfortable position for them to sit at the two ends of the tub but that didn’t really matter.

“I’m so grateful to have you, Lando,” Carlos extended his hands to hold Lando’s, “I might not always use the right words but I love you and I’m grateful for you, for your support. I promise you that when this fake girlfriend thing is over, you’ll get to have the full boyfriend experience. Everything you’ve been dreaming of you’ll get to experience. I promise you. Right here, right now.”

“What matters is that you’re here and you love me and… you get this silly sappy sometimes and we sometimes get a bit angry at each other and say things we don’t want to but at the end of the day we go to bed in peace and cuddle each other and sleep peacefully. This is what I love in our relationship. It’s not perfect, it’s difficult sometimes but we can communicate and talk about our feelings, and I think this is really important.”

“It is, sí” Carlos agreed, “Now come here, I want to kiss you.”

***

After washing and drying Carlos’ hair, Carlos and Lando could finally go to bed and cuddle just as Lando had promised to Carlos – Carlos being the little spoon and Lando being the big one, holding him safe and secure with his chest pressed to Carlos’ back and hand over Carlos’ body, his boyfriend holding it to his chest.

“I just…” Carlos started after a few minutes of silence, “I just really hope that this fake girlfriend thing won’t destroy us. I don’t want it, pretending I love her, spending time with her and things like that. I want to be with you…”

“It won’t be easy but we’ll survive,” Lando whispered, “We’ll see how your season goes and if the car isn’t as good as you expected it to be, then we’ll think about what to do next. There’s that one team waiting for you after this contract ends, but I’m sure they wouldn’t say no if they’ve got you sooner. I’m not saying I want you to leave Ferrari, I just want you to have good mental health because that’s one of the most important things. And maybe the team that once seemed to be perfect isn’t the best one for you anymore. Because if they don’t accept you and they try to push you into doing things you don’t want to, making your mental health worse, then your goals aren’t the same anymore.”

“You’re right,” Carlos nodded, pulling Lando’s hand to his mouth and giving him a good night kiss, “We’ll see what the future brings. I’ve let it all out, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Right now the only thing I care about is you.”

#carlando #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 #my writing #anonymous asks

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fuwaprince · 6 months

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And now I will admit to war crimes 🪴

Jk, just talking about my life for a sec. Sorry I'm boringggg

I need to sneak out to smoke a cigarette but everybody here is awake (boo) and I can't get myself to be seen by them!!!! They'd be mean if they saw me like this -____- As in unbrushed hair, sleepy eyes, not completely dripping in sweat from dusting their house that I live in the corner of... all too unworked and LAZY despite me staying on campus from noon to midnight doing my final project and waking up to continue stressful amounts of hw. This "relaxation" that appears unearned is undeserved according to their monopolistic observation (an actual gif my response to their policing attempts below)

Anyways I would just really like a cigarette in peace and these people will not let me have it so I'm considering inventing teleportation or just jumping out of my window like a maniac (I can land on all fours like a cat if I try really hard). Yes, that's desperate, AND?

Last night I also went to an award ceremony for some honor society which was way more fun than I thought it would be btw. My friend was the one who earned the award but I showed up for moral support!!! :') They had deep fried mac and cheese bits for vegetarians which felt strange, but I liked it and took a plate of it with me for another friend who was getting off work and missed the event

Stalker guy who is obsessive over his crush on me popped up 3 different times throughout the fucking entirety of me filming with my classmates (even they noticed his creepiness and pointed it out) and I eventually freaked him back out by following him to the restroom and demanding what the fuck he was doing on campus (to which he admitted he wanted to check on me which sounds considerate but no no no its creepy ... he will not even say a word and just stare until I choose to acknowledge him or not and I am tempted to choose the violent approach of smacking his skull so hard against a ceramic sink that the sink breaks).

Idk if anybody noticed but I didn't have to ask for rent help this month btw and I'm feeling so so so proud of that. Yay ✨ Broken laptop situation is also fixed. I'm not starving. Yeah, my room is still a biohazard to live in and people treat me like trash... But!!!! Not everybody! My friends give me hugs at the end of hard school days and I'm lucky to have a few cigarettes on me (I know, bad for my health.... But as Caro Emerald sings, "They say there's not much difference between a good man and a long drag from a cigarette. Sometimes you feel it, sometimes you don't. And sometimes you need it, and sometimes you don't").

I'm enjoying the silver linings.

I cry a lot but I've also smiled a lot too and been able to return some kindness to friends who needed it.

I visited that Japanese shop yesterday and the sweet lady gave me free sweets again. This time she literally pet my head before letting me go home and I blushed so hard. I don't even know her name but the small amount of physical touch from her was nice :') much needed... I feel like a stray cat that always walks in and she's so nice, treating me like I'm not a bother and giving me treats plus pets

Hmmmm, what else? I don't know what else I can share but I'm just in a sharing kind of mood rn. I'm going to try sneaking downstairs without offending anybody here with my disgusting state (no I am not actually disgusting but these people will shamelessly say so and shame me... :P whatever... Their leftovers are still in the fridge and I'm not saying shit but if I did that they would call me gross after it being over a week).

Oh I also I named my new laptop iPhonesSuck so now whenever I hop on their network, they can stalk that and get reminded that I hate them as iPhone supporters. I love the direction I'm going in.

Omg and before I forget!!! Just in case anybody surveiling me over their wifi wants some ultra rare photo evidence to gossip about, here:

Eat my lawn gnome cakes, cocksuckers >:P find something better to do with your lame ass life

Everybody else gets hugs and giant chocolate chip cookies that I stole from the banquet

💖 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 💖 please take one!!!!!

Have a good day and thank you for reading. And as always, thank you for supporting me friends 💕🙏 I love you. We're almost through 2023!

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mobagehelllocal · 3 years

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“lucky ending” extra notes i & iii

Hi, I said I would do it but then I released ver i so long ago that I felt I shouldn't do this unless I had another version out at least so yay! finally! ... I'll add ver ii here when I get around to writing it... *shifty eyes* So as usual, this is just my thought process and ideas while writing lol.

*please do not read if you haven’t read “lucky ending” ver i (dorm leaders) & ver iii (rook & lilia).

It was inspired by an anon ask and the button tradition from Japanese schools.

The anon ask went like this: First at all, I like do much your writing and I hope you are doing well. Second, I was wondering what would happen if the MC (Fem!s/o I guess) decided to not go back to her world, like she decide stay with her villain? Can you do make headcanons of this for the dorm leaders? Thank you very much. – from Anonymous

The button tradition, as narrated by the first years, is done when one person confesses and the other responds by giving them the button closest to their heart. In most Japanese uniforms it’s the second uniform, but in Twisted Wonderland--I looked at the ceremonial robes and the closest button should be the fifth. Maybe. I could be wrong.

The songs I listened to while writing this!

The original dorm leaders (and Rook) was written while listening to “Lucky Ending”, the ending theme of Fruits Basket. The English lyrics (translated by otenkiame!) are:

“Change is important. I want to do it well,/ but I wanna cry. It's still bad. I wanna cry”

“The word "goodbye" has disappeared completely from this world/ All that remains is me fooling around next to you/A day you don't laugh won't come anymore”

“I've understood it since being here/ These feelings of wanting to protect you aren't a misunderstanding/ If we can call what connects us bonds,/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Even if in a different world, it'll never be different/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Don't change, ever/ Stay here, stay here”

I think it’s obvious why I chose to use this as the title of the series. It’s a story about change but it’s also a story about the things you don’t want to change... And I think it’s not wrong to want to hold onto things.

I also listened to the same playlist that I listened to while writing “wendy?” “hello peter pan”:

“Can’t help falling in love” cover by Annapantsu, “If you’re not the one” by David Beddingfield, “Who Knew” by P!nk and “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift.

For Lilia in particular, I was listening to three Beauty and the Beast songs on loop. “Evermore” by Josh Groban, “Days in the Sun” by the live action cast and, of course--”How does a moment last forever” by Celine Dion.

“How does a moment last forever?/ How can a story never die?/ It is love we must hold onto/ Never easy, but we try/ Sometimes our happiness is captured/ Somehow, our time and place stand still/ Love lives on inside our hearts and always will”

Also for Lilia, Tolerate It by Taylor Swift.

“You're so much older and wiser and I/ I wait by the door like I'm just a kid”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life”

Malleus was definitely the first piece finished. Closely followed by Vil’s. I believe there was a gap inbetween them before I did the others? I wrote bits and pieces of Leona, Idia, Kalim and Azul’s. I think I finished Leona, Idia, Kalim then Riddle because I distinctly remember saving Azul for last.

One of the most important things for me, is that each story stands distinct of each other. So I gave myself a really hard time trying to figure out how each one uniquely belonged to each of the characters.

For the Prologue... I think because it’s set at the graduation of certain characters, I used that to my advantage and implied the stronger bonds between the Yuu!Reader and the entirety of the cast. Because a lot of time has passed and I feel like--regardless of what other people believe, bonds will be made and relationships will have strengthened enough for it to happen.

Riddle is honestly another really difficult character for me to write. I generally do love him and I enjoy his story, but something about him is difficult and I’m not sure why.

I think a part of me is also really miffed because from Heartslabyul-Savanaclaw, you could feel that Riddle really cared for Yuu on some level but then he just straight up disappears come Octavinelle chapter. I feel like there was potential to develop their relationship even more.

He WENT UP AND TIED YOUR RIBBON I REMEMBER I WENT DOKI DOKI OVER THAT.

I feel like because I’ve established that it’s a Yuu!Reader, it’s impossible for this story to not include both Ace and Deuce. So of course they featured in really big roles for this one, being responsible for telling Riddle the story.

I have to thank my friend, Mes, for bouncing ideas with me. They were the one who suggested what I could do with Riddle’s story by having ADeuce play such a big part!

I also tried my hardest to include Trey and Cater, and I’m pretty happy with their cameo. In a way, they definitely helped Riddle figure out his own feelings for you.

My favourite lines are: “I think you earned that much. I don’t believe anyone’s ever been in your situation before so—there’s no right or wrong about what you’re doing. It’s all about what you want to do.”

I wish someone would tell this to Yuu in general though. They’re the only one who has ever been in their situation (to our knowledge at least) and like... they’re definitely allowed to be even more selfish.

Leona is someone who I used to dislike a lot. I never hid that. It’s primarily because of how disappointed I am in the story of Savanaclaw probably. But like, I was always concerned about writing him properly because I thought that it was only right that I did right by him, because there would be people reading these stories who loved him. And I felt like I had to do right by that love.

I think... it’s wrong to believe that characters... villains... cannot fall in love or “won’t fall in love.” I think it’s wrong also to think that “people don’t change for love.”

In fact, people do change. You definitely shouldn’t change yourself to be loved, but... people change all the time to be their “better” selves. So whose to say that a good person, who you love, will not make you want to improve yourself? Isn’t that what we want when we meet people? To fall in love with someone who will ultimately make you better and never worse.

Or so that’s how I try to write the Twisted characters when they fall in love... With an understanding that “morally” the person they are falling for is “kind” and “good” and how a part of them might just want to be better just for that person. (Especially Leona and Azul). They don’t necessarily have to be nice to everyone, but if they can be better for one person... We stan healthy character growth.

But yeah, Leona is driven by understanding that he’s a very selfish person. But that he’s also very unfortunate and he doesn’t want tie you with someone who, he thinks, is actually worthless. He probably, deeply, thinks you deserve more.

Though his selfishness eventually wins out and well... Won’t you forgive him for it? :) For tying you down to this worthless second prince?

I think his own self-awareness does make him try harder. Not for everyone or everything... but for you. Just for you. I think that would be Leona’s love language--spending time with you, trying for you.

He’d appreciate if you didn’t call him out on it though, that would be very embarrassing.

Looking back, I’m surprised that it was the only version where none of the other boys from his dorm showed up lol. Which means Ruggie is the sole character who has yet to appear in the “lucky ending” series, huh.

My favourite lines from his story that still leaves me breathless and patting my past self in the back: ““I’m home—” you said—even if a part of you felt that home should have been two green eyes, a cocky smirk, and a warm patch of sunlight on the grassy ground.”

Like honestly, what was I on? Who was she?

Azul is, like Leona, someone who is so keenly aware of the things he’s lacking. In fact, he’s someone who thinks he’s lacking when he’s probably perfect in some aspects. He might act proud but a part of him--I think--thinks its not enough. It’s never enough. He can certainly do better still.

In that light, it’s why he thinks he’s undeserving of a partner. Especially one who is “kind” and “understanding.” While ultimately, Azul deserves people in his life who are that and “accepting” of him--I think he still thinks he doesn’t.

And thats why he lets go of the Yuu!Reader. It’s why he doesn’t “chase” after her like Leona did.

It’s because he’s selfish, because he wants her--that he forces himself to let go.

Azul needs someone who’ll tell him that he is worth something and that he’s definitely worth the effort. So please praise him a lot until he’s crying in happiness. I’m sure it’s the one thing he’s always wanted to hear from people around him.

Also my Poly!Octavinelle Agenda has never died and I am pleased Past!Ai got away with so much Poly!Octa hints in this story lol. But honestly, regardless of wht Octavinelle says... god, you can tell they genuinely care about each other.

I recently rewatched Octavinelle’s chapter and... by god, the amount of things I missed out on first watch. Jade’s concern when he realized Azul wanted to get rid of that photo... The fact Floyd was so willing to drop the fight to return to Azul too... Anyways, Poly!Octa Agenda for life.

Favourite lines: “Azul’s pathetic whimpers turned into guttural sobs. His fingers spread to cover his eyes—and his glasses slid off his face, down to his lap and then to the ground—at his actions. His whole body shook as he cried his heart out.”

It’s not as poetic as a lot of my other favourites, but for some reason these lines always get me when I reread them. There’s something so visceral about it.

Azul’s piece is probably the least visually stimulating out of all these stories? His was so emotionally driven compared to the others and I worried a lot about that.

I think I remember I was crying so badly as I was writing this.

Kalim is really hard for me because I feel like I struggle a lot with finding conflict in his character? He’s such a genuinely nice person, I find it hard to believe that the Yuu!Reader would feel alienated from him or something. So I brought in “environment” to get in the way.

My use of celestial imagery for Kalim is because of the Scarabia trailer! I really loved how it put Kalim as the sun and Jamil as the moon. I definitely will take advantage of that when I get around to writing for Jamil.

So because I wanted to use the sun, I chose to use the idea of comets for Kalim? I think I remember something about how meteors are drawn to the gravitation pull of the sun and can “escape” it or “be destroyed” by it. Haha, hot.

Jamil is someone who ultimately cares about Kalim too and I had fun writing his banter with the Yuu!Reader. I think I wanted to decribe the shadows licking his face reminscent to the marks from his Overblot but... I felt like doing that would give Jamil too much focus so I ultimately decided against it.

It would’ve been hot though.

Oh yes, one thing I wanted to talk about is Kalim’s rushed proposal. I remember people talking about it in the tags, comments... even in asks at that time. The reason he does it is because he’s someone who didn’t realize his feelings until you spelled out your own. It was a sort of: “Oh. Right. That is the word I’d use to describe my feelings.”

My favourite lines from his story is: “How does one bid goodbye to the sun?” and “No one ever willingly bids goodbye to the sun.They spend the rest of their lives trying to find the right way back to it.”

My god, who was this genius.

Vil is probably the most visually stunning out of all these stories. I feel like my stories go from super vivid imagery and setting to just complete emotional disasters lol. (Vil being the former and Azul’s being the latter... not that it’s bad, it actually suits the characters).

Oh man, I remember thinking that Vil is such a hard character to write because we don’t know what his motivation for perfection is. All we knows is that he wants to be the best but, why?

It’s like, for example, Idia. His motivations could be otaku-related. He doesn’t want to go to class because he’d rather go play or something. That sounds in character--but Vil was so hard because he wanted perfection.

But we already see him as such a perfect character, so what else did he need to be even more perfect? In that light, Chapter 5 did a really good job on presenting Vil’s motivations.

But honestly, I think I can comfortably say that the Vil I’ve written so far is pretty accurate? To his character. I’m really grateful I read his chat lines because his comment about intelligence really got me thinking about his possible motivations. It made it really easy to understand that Vil wasn’t like majority of the real world’s influencers.

One other thing that I was really happy about with his story is the use of the flower language. It’s something I hope I can use more because it’s so beautiful.

Oh! And the roses the Yuu!Reader talks about are double delight roses. They are specifically bred to have two colors--yellow in the center and pink on the outside. I thought it fitting that the Yuu!Reader breed special roses for Vil.

They can be called... err... Vil Roses?

My favourite lines from his story is: ““My happiness will not be dictated by others—no, Vil Schoenheit is a person who will grasp happiness with his own hands.” [...] “I’m giving you this button because I’ve already found happiness by your side.””

This line was actually inspired by Zelda C.W.’s MYth series. Specifically Hera’s story, Will.

Idia ...for him, I somehow had a very hard time imagining him trying to tell the reader to stay. Like that didn’t compute for me? I felt like his version was better approached in a more comedic light somehow.

I also felt that it would be cuter if the Yuu!Reader had already chosen to stay and Idia would need to hastily retrack his confession... Unfortunately, Yuu!Reader won’t let him.

Honestly looking back on it, I wonder how much of Chapter 6 is going to make me scream and want to rewrite Idia’s part?

My favourite lines from his story is: “He was never particularly good at lying—nor was he good at keeping secrets from you. You were a person he considered a dear friend—and he was always the type of person who ended up spilling everything to you. He liked being able to talk about the things he enjoyed—he liked that he had found someone who wanted to hear him out.”

A lot of my interpretation for Idia is closely linked to personal experience as an anime, manga and gaming fan. It was just a couple of years ago where people would actually be bullied for liking these things--but nowadays its become a norm. It’s... stunning actually but it makes me happy to know that maybe nobody will be judged for loving anime.

That being said, Idia’s longing to find someone he can talk to is something I really relate too--back then, it was so difficult to find someone to talk to about my interests... So I interpreted Idia as much the same. That what he enjoys about the Yuu!Reader is their ability to simply sit and listen to him talk.

Malleus... man, recently I’ve been starting to fall in love with him all over again. He was my first oshi ever... Anyways, moving on. You think I’ve talked enough about immortal x mortal but nope, we are not done. I love this theme in general, romantic or platonic.

I will never shut up about it you can’t make me.

Sebek having a good enough friendship with Yuu!Reader is such a delicious concept. Like mutual respect and Sebek understanding that Yuu!Reader gives Malleus a different type of companionship that Sebek, Silver or Lilia couldn’t...

And also, ultimately, Sebek and Yuu!Reader do love Malleus. In different ways, but I like the thought of Sebek respecting that and respecting the Yuu!Reader.

Me realizing just now that Silver joins Ruggie in the: “has never appeared in a lucky ending fic club.”... Sorry Silver, I swear soon. Once we get more content on you.

Celestial themes for Malleus are primarily, again, because he only ever seemed to meet you at night. And I thought it would be wonderful, if you were a bright spark to him.

Favourite lines are definitely: “Oh, bright light… I would prefer to live the rest of your life by your side… rather than spend centuries contemplating what it could have felt… to hold you in my arms.”

I am, always, going to be such a big sucker for the idea of immortals constantly remembering and loving mortals. Always holding them close in their memories, because in that way--their lovers have become immortal with them.

I also like to imagine that he eventually figures out a way to connect your worlds together so you can still talk to your friends and family from that world. He is one of the most powerful magicians around, I’m sure its possible.

Rook was honestly the most difficult piece for me to write because he’s so hard(?) for me to understand. He’s a mess of contradictions honestly and I... guess I’m excited to see what he’ll do come Chapter 6.

I actually rewrote his story so much. I got about 500 words with a different idea/plot in mind before deleting that completely and restarting from scratch.

I feel like Rook is someone who talks big and talks about love without actually knowing what it truly might feel like. He’s someone who doesn’t understand it and ends up mistaking it for his fascination.

Aside from me enjoying inserting other characters from the same dorm as much as possible, I felt that Vil was the perfect person to snap some sense into Rook.

Epel’s appearance there is basically to reflect how much I really hope the first year kids get really close to one another.

Rook is also someone who I think, doesn’t try to explain himself too much. He’s someone who I think talks a lot, but if people don’t understand him then he doesn’t need to be understood? That’s my impression. Lol, when “lucky ending” became a character study.

I also really loved the idea that Rook was fine with people running from him--to him that makes it all the more thrilling. But then you start running away from him and that just ends up making dread pool in his stomach.

My favourite lines from his story: “‘When something ends, it must be sad. So, tell me then, how an ending could be so beautiful?’ [...] .‘But there was one ending that was beautiful, non?’ [...] ‘That’s right. ‘They lived happily ever after’—are those not the words that define a beautiful ending?’”

I used the dusk metaphor for Rook. My idea is that he starts seeing dusk as an ending and how he can’t fathom how any “ending” is beautiful. When a story ends, it’s not beautiful to him, humu. But when that ending is the happily ever after then... That makes all the difference.

Lilia was actually easier than Rook’s but also fairly difficult. I had written the middle of Lilia’s piece while stumped on Rook’s actually. Lilia’s was probably easier because I love the idea of immortals and mortals.

I don’t really like the idea of mortals becoming immortals. Like, yes, it’s certainly sweet and spending eternity with a one true love is definitely the best possible ending but... I think there’s so much weight in an immortal choosing to love a mortal while knowing that they will ultimately lose them.

The biggest theme for Lilia is definitely time.

Thinking about it now... There’s been a lot of things in real life that’s just... Made me think about how we have less time than we actually think we have. And I think I ended up channeling that through Lilia... Though I feel like it is ultimately things Lilia would think about though.

The most important imagery would probably be the stars.

I honestly wanted to avoid it because I used celestial imagery for both Kalim and Malleus but the words just flowed out in a way that I felt that I couldn’t replace. So I went with it.

Lilia is no stranger to loneliness. One of the reasons he feels less alone is because he has family now and he doesn’t want to rob you of that. Family is so important to him because they are people who are meant to be with you--they are people who will make you less lonely--or so thats how I think? he thinks.

My favourite lines from his story: “He would relish in the way—You made the world pause. You made a moment extend into an eternity. You made an immortal crave just a little more time.”

I’m so immensely proud of this one? I don’t really have much else to say. There’s something so raw about it that I love. Also the part where it continues on to say that “Because there is never enough time.”

Me realizing my extra notes is just half me simping over these characters, half sharing headcanons, have actually giving good advice? perspective?, half song lyrics, half character study/analysis?

“lucky ending” is about change. Whether we want them to happen or not it’s... the human condition to change. For better or worse, we change--day by day. I think we all operate under a small panic about how everyday things are changing...

But “lucky ending” is also about the things that don’t change. Won’t change. Will never change. The things worth holding onto, the thing worth fighting for... or so I’d like to think.

#aimuses #ainotes #ai lucky series #twst #twisted wonderland #its 6 AM HEEHOOO

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gamerwoo · 3 years

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[Tales from the Pack] Hansol: Fire and Ice (Part Eleven)

Characters: Hansol x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff, a lil bit of angst

Word count: 1,942

Summary: You’ve always been one to let your emotions get the best of you – your power reflects that – and you’ve never been good at expressing them. That’s why you always thought you’d be awful with a mate, but you never thought things would be this awful.

a/n: things in bold are in english

Previous | Next | Fire and Ice Masterlist

A few days had gone by since Hansol told the pack you were most likely staying for good. Of course you were still grieving and depressed, but nobody in Seungcheol’s pack ever looked at you weird, bothered you, or pressured you to do anything. They gave you your space, occasionally asked if you needed anything, and left it at that. If they hated you for how you treated Hansol or not, they decided to either not show it or just stay away from you, and you didn’t mind either option.

You also found yourself spending even more time with Hansol than you normally would. You didn’t see a point in leaving the house to avoid your mate, so you’d stay in his bedroom and just talk with each other most of the day. Of course, Hansol made sure you ate at least three meals a day, but he didn’t really force you to do much else. You appreciated that, and you found yourself quickly becoming more and more comfortable with him, even if it had only been a handful of days.

Hansol wasn’t blind to this change in you, either. He figured it was because there was no hostility or negativity around you. You were able to do things on your own without feeling nervous or pressured, and it was a nice thing for him to witness. It made him happy to see you start feeling better, especially so quickly. Yes, he knew you were still upset, but you were starting to show and express that better, too. There were no negative feelings around to fuel the ones you already felt because of your brother and what happened with your old pack.

“This still looks like shit,” you sighed, checking your mate’s back. You frowned as you looked at the silver veins buried in his skin from the net that encased him before, and it reminded you that Joshua was also not in the best shape anymore -- at least, that’s what Hansol told you. “Doesn’t it hurt a lot?”

“It’s fine,” he chuckled, looking over his shoulder to offer you a reassuring smile. “You’re starting to worry about me too much.”

You looked at him shyly, “I-is that bad…?”

He shook his head, turning his body to face you, “Not at all.”

As you watched Hansol look at you fondly, he realized he couldn’t read your expression at all. Normally, he always somehow could tell what you were feeling, but he’d never really seen this look in your eyes before. He didn’t even know how to describe it.

“How do you feel right now?” he wondered in a soft tone.

It wasn’t an odd question for him to ask, as he always wondered how you felt. Not only did it help him better understand how to act and comfort you, but it made you learn to express your emotions better. It benefited both of you.

You thought about it for a moment before nodding slowly, “I feel…good.”

His face broke out into a smile, “That’s good! Why do you feel good?”

“I don’t feel…” you hummed softly as you tried to think of just how to explain your thoughts, your hands moving to grab one of Hansol’s and play with it, “like I’m…what’s the word? …Burdening anybody, I guess? I can’t remember the word in English.”

“Did you feel like that with your pack?” he frowned a bit, glancing down at his large hand in yours before his eyes looked back up to study your face.

You nodded, “Because I kept doing things they didn’t like and acting a way they didn’t like. Then I stayed with Baekhyun for a little bit but I felt like an issue for him, too. I mean, I know a lot of your pack doesn’t like me right now, either, but--”

“Hey, that’s not true.”

“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but it is true,” you let out a sad chuckle. Then you let out a sigh and continued, “I know I owe them an apology, too, but you know how I am – I don’t know how to apologize to them. I’m too afraid to even look at half of them.”

“…Jihoon?” Hansol guessed.

“God, especially Jihoon – and Joshua, honestly.”

Hansol laughed, shaking his head, “Yeah, Josh is a little…yeah.”

“Grumpy,” you stated, not remembering the English word for ‘grumpy’, either. Your brain was just feeling a little scattered.

“Grumpier than even you.”

You rolled your eyes, but a smile formed on your face as Hansol giggled and leaned forward, pulling his hand away to wrap his arms around you. You’d become a lot more open to his hugs and cuddles, which he greatly enjoyed since he could now pull you in between his legs and hold you there for hours while the two of you talked. He took advantage of it all the time – like now.

“I love your grumpiness,” he promised, holding you in his lap and resting his cheek against the top of your head, your curly hair tickling his nose.

“I'm not grumpy,” you corrected with a pout, “I’m just a bi–”

“Ah,” Hansol put a hand over your mouth, looking down at you with a soft but stern look, “what did I tell you about putting yourself down?”

Hansol was very adamant about helping you get better, and he insisted that dwelling on the past and talking about how awful you used to be toward him wouldn’t help. He now always cut you off before you could say anything mean about yourself, and wouldn’t accept anything less than you giving yourself some slack.

You looked up at him with a sigh, “You’re way too sweet to me.”

“No I’m not,” he said, shaking his head. “You deserve the patience.”

You and Hansol had this moment where you just stared at each other, looking into the other’s eyes. You could see all the fondness in the world in his eyes, and it made your heart clench because you didn’t deserve any of it, but you knew he wouldn’t accept you thinking you were undeserving of it.

Then you realized just how close your faces were to each other. You could smell his minty toothpaste as his breath softly hit your face, and you found your eyes drifting down to his lips that were a little chapped, but you still just had this strong urge to kiss them nonetheless. You were overwhelmed with this urge, so much so that you felt like if you didn’t just kiss him, you’d die. You weren’t really sure how to go about it, but you also knew Hansol would never make the first move because he was afraid of overstepping your boundaries.

Slowly and almost hesitantly, you brought your hand up to cup his cheek. You practically gulped as you leaned your chin up and just barely pressed your lips to his, letting your eyes flutter closed as you felt tingles where your skin met his.

Hansol was already relaxed into your touch before you kissed him. His heart was beating so quickly which was a stark contrast to his relaxed body. His arms stayed around you, but he didn’t make any moves to pull you closer or make any moves that might make you uncomfortable. Instead, he stayed where he was, but he wasn’t stiff about it.

You left your lips there for what felt like forever, not wanting to pull away, but also not wanting to take things further. You finally pulled away slowly – Hansol counted four seconds in his head, and those were the best four seconds of his life – only to have your entire face heat up when you saw Hansol��s gummy smile much wider than you’d ever seen.

“What was that for?” he giggled softly as you hid your blushing face in his neck.

You could’ve listed all the reasons, and you were fully prepared to. How patient he was, how he never gave up on you, his kind nature, how much he cared about not only you but everybody around him – literally every single thing about Hansol. But you realize that really, all of that boiled down to one thing. One thing that you’d already known since first laying eyes on him, but had been pushing back because you thought you hated him. One thing that you’d slowly but surely been coming to accept.

Too shy to say it while looking at him, your voice was muffled by his skin, but he still heard your words.

“Because I love you.”

You could feel the happy purrs that emitted from your mate’s chest, causing vibrations against your own chest that was against his, but you could also hear them loud and clear, which made you laugh.

Hansol’s arms tightened around you, unable to even explain how happy he was in that moment. This was a big step for you and it definitely meant things were getting better. You may not have been over what happened to Jiung, and you may still have your bad days, but you were moving forward in the right direction, and it was all he could ever hope for.

“I love you, _____,” he told you proudly, leaning his head down to coax you out of your hiding spot to look at him. When you did, he smiled wider when your eyes met. “I always have, and I always will.”

You were awoken in the middle of the night by a loud shriek that felt like it was stabbing your eardrums with a fiery blade. You didn’t even have time to think about what Eunjin was doing – probably trying to hear the voices again – as you shot up in bed and doubled over, clamping your hands over your ears. You opened one eye to look at your mate, but you saw he was still just a lump under the blankets, completely frozen.

Your heart stopped.

“Hansol?” you asked as you removed your hands from your ears despite the pain of the noise, pulling the covers back. “H-Hansol…?”

You saw Hansol curled up and pressing one hand to one of his ears, the other pressed into the pillow. He peeked his eyes open to look at you with a mixture of pain and curiosity. You let out a sigh of relief as you shook your head and pressed your hands back to your ears as you waited for the sharp noise to stop.

It took a moment for the scream to die down, but you were finally able to put your hands down and let your body relax.

“What?” Hansol asked, releasing his ear and sitting up, rubbing your back soothingly.

“God, I thought you died!” you burst.

He coughed out a laugh, “What?”

“Eunjin screamed, and you weren’t moving like a normal person would’ve if their ears were bleeding!”

“Why would I be dead?”

“Because your back is still full of silver, you numskull!”

You heard a bang on the other side of the wall telling you to keep it down. Hansol chuckled, putting a finger to his lips as he looked at you.

You sighed, lowering your voice, “Hansol, you need to go get it fixed soon.”

“I will, I will” he promised, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “Josh and I will go together.”

The two of you laid back down, curling up under the covers. You let Hansol drape an arm over you, watching as his eyes closed.

“I love you,” he said softly.

As you closed your eyes and nuzzled a bit closer to him, you mumbled, “I love you.”

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visualkei-and-darkacademia · 3 years

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Social Anxiety and Maladaptive Daydreaming

Hi guys....

Probably nobody's going to read this, but I kinda needed to write this down and I thought "well, Tumblr is somewhere nice that nobody I know use so...."

Recently I've been struggling with social anxiety and maladaptive daydreaming... And it's awful, specially when my parents don't understand all these kind of things...

I've always been a really shy person and an introvert, but with all this quarantine going on and all the situation of covid in my country, I was locked inside my house for a year and now I live in my college dorms, which is a lot to me... Interacting with people and sharing room with other two girls, specially that they're really different than me, is really complicated... I had two really bad panic attacks this year while trying to interact with people and it crushes me, 'cause I still didn't find out a good technique for me to calm down, I still don't know if I can or can't let people help me calm down, if I need some kind of breathing pattern or stuff like that, I read a lot about it but I still have no answers...

Also, I have a hyper fixation on books and fictional characters, that's where maladaptive daydreaming comes in... I see my favorite characters and I interact with them, having real and deep emotions with the situations that I create in my mind... I'm addicted to books and my chaplain asked me to stop reading 'till December, which I know is gonna be hard for me but still I'm willing to try, but the thing is my parents, specially my mom, think that that's bullshit and that I'm actually addicted to anime, which is my only source of recreation and I really just watch them for fun, because it's something that bring me joy and not something that I use as a distraction from my problems and a escape from reality...

And honestly, I have four really good friends that care deeply about me and try their best helping me out.. Which is something great and I'm forever grateful to them, but I feel like I'm a burden to them and I feel like they have so many other things to do than help that I'm afraid I might push them away not wanting to bother them and felling undeserving and unworthy of care and help...

My chaplain is helping me a lot, and she's an amazing person, I trust her with my life! She wants me to tell my parents about the things I'm going trough, but I'm too scared... My parents don't trust psychological stuff and they say that everybody want to have a psychological problem but don't want to seek out for help and change... So it's really complicated to me, specially when I know already that I'm judged by them and I fell like they won't support me... My brother is really sweet to me, he understands what I'm going trough and tries his best on helping me out, he wants me to tell my parents and he thinks they'll somehow support me in a certain way... But I don't fell safe about it....

I just wanna disappear honestly... I wish my mind would stop overthinking every single thing and I wish things were easier... But I know that's not the reality...

I just hope people who struggle with the same things as I, have support from their loved ones and find a healthy way to deal with all of these...

Thank you for whoever reads this...

#social anxiety #maladaptive daydreaming #anxitey #mental illness

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hellpark · 4 years

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GREGORY: I don’t quite like the wording of these questions I’m reading in Craig’s little virtual post box.

GREGORY: But lest he tries to foolishly answer questions not best suited for him, I will step in I suppose.

GREGORY: It’s clear he’s made a fine job of telling you all about my friends and I.

GREGORY: Or, quite possibly the very narrow light of which he’s seen us in at least.

GREGORY: Which is to say, he’s probably described us all rather poorly.

GREGORY: It is true, both Pip and Thomas both are nothing but kindhearted individuals.

GREGORY: Both have had their share of bullying, misfortune, and untimely deaths.

GREGORY: I’d say Pip’s I can relate to more, but Thomas’ just upsets me a great deal.

GREGORY: Not to rank either of their tribulations, I just believe I have a better grasp of exactly why Pip didn’t end up in heaven.

GREGORY: He’s had eight years to explain it to me, after all.

GREGORY: And so I will attempt to explain it to you all though what he has told me over the years.

GREGORY: They both deserve to have their stories told the correct way, and not however it would have been explained by the doltish owner of this weblog.

GREGORY: To start, I believe Pip started up in heaven.

GREGORY: Though, he never made it through the pearly gates, which is what truly grants you a pleasant and bright eternal afterlife.

GREGORY: Once you make it through that barrier, the only way you’re doomed is if you cause religious mishap, or truly gain some sort of evil intent.

GREGORY: Of course, this is only the Christian afterlife we’re speaking of.

GREGORY: And seeing that I’m possibly talking to possibly a baker’s dozen of strangers over the internet right now, I’d like to state that I have no outer knowledge of the afterlives of any religion other than my own.

GREGORY: I can say with certainty that a Christian hell is not the greatest source of outside knowledge, as much as it has progressed down there.

GREGORY: I feel as though these stories would be entirely different if the two had been risen under different minded households, so please spare some judgement on my part if this seems rather one sided of me to speak of.

GREGORY: So again, I am sharing only what I’ve been told of, and under a Christian mindset.

GREGORY: My intent is not to nullify any other afterlife, only to elaborate on my friends and I’s.

GREGORY: ...

GREGORY: I honestly forgot where I was.

GREGORY: ...Ah, yes.

GREGORY: Pip’s hellish status.

GREGORY: As I stated, once you make it through those heavenly gates, you’re officially a resident of the eternal life in the sky.

GREGORY: Normally, unless you are turned away for sneaky wrongdoings not seen through the watchful eyes of heaven, there is no issue getting in.

GREGORY: And for someone like Pip, the prior shouldn’t ever have been an issue.

GREGORY: All the time I’ve ever known of him-- through life and death-- is that he is kind, generous, and rarely wears a frown.

GREGORY: He gives his pleases and thanks, and he rarely acts unjust.

GREGORY: From the times he’s told me that he has, even those instances sound rather just.

GREGORY: My time knowing him alive wasn’t all too long, but a year or so before he had gone missing, never to be seen again.

GREGORY: He doesn’t like to talk about his own death very much, but from what I can tell it was certainly during a time of travesty.

GREGORY: And during such times, the gates can get overwhelmed and swollen with other unfortunate cases.

GREGORY: Certainly, everybody at their untimely death could not wait to see their afterlife.

GREGORY: Some sorrowful, some full of hope that the worst of it all was over.

GREGORY: From how he described it, Pip was more on the latter side of the crowd.

GREGORY: And so imagine...

GREGORY: When you think it’s all over.

GREGORY: When you think life has finally given you a break, and you’re able to move onto a better one...

GREGORY: That even up in heaven, there’s still nobody that cares enough about you.

GREGORY: A simple break in the clouds due to deceased overpopulation.

GREGORY: Nobody turns their heads.

GREGORY: Nobody thinks to look behind them and see what they’ve been ever so gently pushing back over their greed of a happy afterlife.

GREGORY: And greed is a sin, mind you.

GREGORY: So they just continue to shuffle their feet and wait for their now undeserved turn into heaven.

GREGORY: And the wings you sprout after death are there for your tiring travel upwards.

GREGORY: It’s an exhausting journey to heaven, your new wings wont fly you a second time until you’ve reached your destination completely.

GREGORY: So if you’re denied entry before you can make it through, there’s no real way to fly back up until it’s far too late.

GREGORY: In life, Pip was never destined to go to hell.

GREGORY: In death, he still was not destined to go to hell.

GREGORY: But look at where the carelessness of others have brought him.

GREGORY: Where life can be cruel, death can be just as much so.

GREGORY: ...Though...

GREGORY: Sometimes, while life and death may both sow their unjust seeds... a lot of what normally decides where you end up is your own actions in life, of course.

GREGORY: Thomas of course was nothing but a sweetheart.

GREGORY: From what he’s told me, though he couldn’t go to a church publicly due to his developed anxiety over his Tourette’s, he always made up for it by watching church service with his mother at home.

GREGORY: Every single Sunday, he told me.

GREGORY: Though like some people, especially in more depressing periods of their life, he began to question his faith.

GREGORY: There came a point where he didn’t know what he should truly believe in.

GREGORY: He never did anything wrong, as he always listened and obeyed the strict followings of Catholicism.

GREGORY: And though he was many things most extreme Christians would call sinful, he still would choose to believe, all that time.

GREGORY: In the end, none of what he was would have ever sent him to hell.

GREGORY: He truly is just too innocent and nice of a person.

GREGORY: Though sometimes, after traumatic experiences in life, it can kick your belief system like a switch.

GREGORY: After loss, it can be hard to believe.

GREGORY: And apparently loss for Thomas meant cutting out an entire part of his life that he had believed for fifteen years beforehand.

GREGORY: “How can you believe in a god if it feels like you’re only on Earth to suffer?”

GREGORY: It truly hurt my heart to hear him tell me the way he felt.

GREGORY: But in the end, it made sense why he was in hell.

GREGORY: Attaching yourself to faith for so long, believing in a god, then ditching a life worth’s of devotion in an instant.

GREGORY: That’s what truly damned him to hell.

GREGORY: In the end it was only that loss of faith that flipped his destiny upside down.

GREGORY: For a while, he was in such a state of grieving, you knew you were still in hell.

GREGORY: Hell isn’t what he believed it to be anymore, of course.

GREGORY: Most of us had grown used to it, and even enjoyed the new era we were living in.

GREGORY: But it still stung for him.

GREGORY: Only in hell could you still hear the wallowing of the afterlife.

GREGORY: And of course, he only blamed himself.

GREGORY: He did two things that society said would damn him to hell.

GREGORY: But only one of them was what really did it.

GREGORY: Of course he didn’t realise this.

GREGORY: He sobbed for what felt like weeks, because he thought that the way he died... was what sent him here.

GREGORY: We would constantly reassure him that the means of his death did not attribute to his afterlife.

GREGORY: We even had him talk to the Devil himself-- of which we’re fortunate friends of.

GREGORY: He, too, could only assure Thomas that it was not the way he died, but the way he chose to squander his faith.

GREGORY: It’s a harsh reality, and it’s unclear if he grasps it fully, even after a full year and a half.

GREGORY: I’ve always thought that if he had someone in life to help steer him in a better direction, he wouldn’t have gone out the way he did, nor would he have been sent to hell.

GREGORY: His ex certainly never did any good for him.

GREGORY: Even if Thomas claims his ex was the best thing in his life.

GREGORY: How could someone like that be the best thing in your life if they let you fall this far down a rabbit hole?

GREGORY: Thomas truly is as ignorant as he is pitiful.

GREGORY: We’re full of experiences that Stan and his friends would never, ever grasp.

GREGORY: I can’t believe this is a question that needed to be elaborated upon.

GREGORY: But if I’m not answering them, that fool of a man Craig would be instead.

GREGORY: I’m sure he’d paint Pip and Thomas both as monsters here.

GREGORY: But I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.

#south park #sp thomas #gregory of yardale #pip pirrup #tweek tweak #damien thorn #hellpark

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themonkeycabal · 3 years

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WandaVision Episode 9 Spoilers

I can't believe we're already at the finale.

This has been better than I expected, though I didn't have any particular expectations one way or the other. I had hoped it would be bonkers, and it's had its moments, but I didn't expect it to be breaking my heart. I'm glad Wanda (and Elizabeth Olsen) got this moment to shine. It was very well done, and it's been nice to have fun with a Marvel property again. It's been a little while.

My wishlist for this episode is simply that somebody, anybody punch Acting Director Dick square in the face. And also that Jimmy Woo arrests him. A lot.

Other than that, I don't know what to expect, or how they wrap this up in 30 minutes.

Previously on: Wanda finally earned the name Scarlet Witch after Agatha made her relive the worst moments of her life. Harsh, Agatha. Vision uttered a line that launched a thousand gif sets. And Hayward revealed his genius masterplan which is a reactivated Vision, devoid of color and powered by the energy bleeding from Wanda's hex. I'm sure that will go swimmingly for him.

Let's see how this all ends.

Agatha still has magical tethers around Billy and Tommy's necks, which obviously Wanda doesn't like. Agatha gives the boys a tug, knocking them back, and Wanda lets loose, walloping Agatha. The boys are now free, but Wanda tells them to go to their room. They object, she insists, Tommy grabs Billy and they zoom off. Wanda hits Agatha again with a hex, but Agatha sort of collects it into a little glowy ball in her hand. Oops.

"I take power from the undeserving. It's kinda my thing."

Wanda notices her hand turning gray and gnarly — the look of somebody about to be magically mummified. Agatha hits her with a hex and taunts her some more.

"You're clearly in over your little, red head, so why don't you surrender your magic to someone who knows what to do with it?" Agatha, you're pushing your luck. "I'll let you keep this pathetic corner of the world all to yourself. What do you say?"

Wanda says she will throw a car right at your face, Agatha. I laughed. Didn't see that coming, did you? Knocked Agatha right out of her boots.

As Wanda is investigating, Director Dick's white Vision floats down behind her. He's creepy looking.

Wanda walks over to him, staring at him. "Is it really you?"

He puts his hands on her face, all gentle like, but it's a lie. He starts to squeeze. "And I was told you were powerful."

Gross, AD Dick. I hope you get stepped on by Ant-Man when he's being Giant-Man.

Sitcom World Vision (hereafter just plain old Vision) makes a timely reappearance, and takes out Not!Vision. He wants to know where the boys are, Wanda assures him they're safe, and she apologizes for everything and that she should have told him what was happening, "the moment I realized what I'd done". Poor Wanda. He tells her it's alright. She says she can fix it. Not!Vision climbs out of the burning remains of a camper.

Agatha reappears to note the awkwardness of the situation. She asks Wanda who she's going to choose, the ex or the boyfriend. What happens when Wanda hits you with more power than you can contain, Agatha?

Wanda tells Vision "this is our home." He agrees, "then let's fight for it." I hope for the best for you two crazy kids! Marvel has a dicey record on happy endings, though. Sorry!

Vision takes off towards Not!Vision again. Agatha flies off, too, and Wanda follows.

Across the street Monica is pounding on a window, calling for Wanda. Fietro, lounging with a guitar in his … stoner den?, tells her nobody can hear her. Can we talk about how Monica's SWORD uniform looks like ST:Next Gen unis? I can't stop seeing it and it's distracting. Anyway, she tries to escape, but, Fietro is still all fast and stuff, so she's thwarted.

In the sky, Vision and Not!Vision battle. Not!Vision says Wanda must be neutralized and Vision must be destroyed. Hmm. Not!Vision tries to rip out the stone in Vision's forehead but Vision goes intangible. More fighting with intangibleness. It's pretty cool.

Outside Westview, AD Dick is feeling cocky as he watches both Visions on tracking monitors. I loathe him so much. Jimmy Woo is brought in handcuffed by a pair of SWORD goons. I'm sorry, who the f is SWORD? Like, they have arrest powers now? Dick says "hey, it's my favorite member of the Bureau." New wishlist: everybody gets to take turns punching AD Dick in the face.

Dick asks his minion to reconfirm mission objectives while Jimmy listens carefully, mentally noting each and every violation of federal law and the Sokovia Accords.

The minion says she can't get through to not!Vision, his system is overloaded. A cellphone rings on a desk nearby and Jimmy eyes it, then tells Hayward that he'll never be able to cover up these shenanigans.

While Dick is busy boasting and the SWORD goons are doing everything but paying attention to their prisoner (in my head all the SWORD goons applied to SHIELD but Maria Hill laughed at each and every one of their applications and then called Pepper to laugh some more and then texted choice bits to May tagging them "RE: LOL"), Jimmy eases over and grabs the phone.

"Wanda canceled her show,” Dick says with the sort of confidence only an enormous prick can muster, “so there's no footage proving there was ever more than one Vision."

Jimmy points out that that is dumb, because there is other footage, from SWORD HQ and stuff, and probably evidence of tampering. He casually sits on a table, shaking his head, like he's just so disappointed (i'm hoping he's somehow managed to use the phone to record the monolog-ing) .

Dick is still too far up his own ass to notice Jimmy being sneaky. "No one's going to care once I've eliminated Wanda Maximoff. They'll believe that the Vision that emerges from the Westview rubble is the one she illegally tried to bring back to life."

Wait, bringing him back to life is illegal? You're full of shit, Dick. And also, an extremely terrible person, who will destroy a whole town for … something? A Vision weapon? Who are you fighting, Dick? BTW, I award him no sympathy points for surviving in the post-Snap world. So if he's been scarred by that or whatever, I don't care. Trauma doesn't excuse murdery megalomania. As has been said before: Cool motive, still murder. I hope Vision intangibles him into a lamp post that gets peed on every day by a parade of small dogs.

"They'll thank me for recovering such a valuable asset. You could be part of that victory, Jimmy. If only you had a little more … vision" says the smug prick who is asking for it. And by it I mean something both terrible and humiliating to happen to him asap.

Jimmy fake laughs back. "That's a good one, Hayward. Okay, I'm convinced. The trouble is my friends at Quantico will probably have something to say about your plan. When they arrive. Inside the hour." heh.

Oh, poor Dick doesn't like being mocked back. He tells his brain-dead goons to remove Jimmy. The goons throw Jimmy into a … stack of hay? In a fenced in cage thing? As you have on your pop-up military facility. Where he sets to work removing his handcuffs with a clip he also stole, because Jimmy Woo is cool like that. Close Up Magic! See the things you can learn from criminals. "Flourish" lol.

He calls his friends at Quantico. "I was hoping you could get here … inside the hour?"

Back in Westview. Wanda is looking for Agatha while the town goes about its business. Weirdo delivery guy drives by "Don't shoot. I'm just the messenger. ha ha."

Then she gets hit in the back by a purple hex. Ouch. She has hit the pavement hard kind of a lot in this episode already. That hurts, my dudes, I know this from personal falling down experience. Wanda's hand, by the way, is still looking ashy and not very healthy.

Agatha taunts her from a rooftop. "Did you know there's an entire chapter devoted to you in the Darkhold." How could she know that, Agatha? Also, boo the Darkhold. That bit of nastiness led to the Framework, and I'm still a little scarred by that myself. "That's the book of the damned," says the witch standing in front of a billboard for "Squeaky Shine" lol.

Agatha produces the Darkhold and recites from it, "The Scarlet Witch is not born, she is forged. She has no coven, nor need for incantation." Wanda insists she isn't a witch, nobody taught her magic.

Agatha continues, "Your power exceeds that of the Sorcerer Supreme" Steven Strange will like that. Not much. He's so twitchy about things like that. "It's your destiny to destroy the world." Always with the destinies. FREE WILL FOREVAH!

Wanda insists she's not the Scarlet Witch thingy. Agatha says "oh really?" and uses her mojo on Emma Caulfield. Hi Emma Caulfield! She seems to be 'awake' and introduces herself to Wanda (who knew her as Dottie) "My name is Sarah. I have a daughter, she's 8, maybe she could be friends with your boys. If you like that storyline. Or the school bully, even. Really anything, if you could just let her out of her room. If I could just hold her." Wow, ouch.

Speaking of free will or the lack of, Wanda accuses Agatha of doing this, but Agatha says "She's your meat puppet. I just cut her strings." Poor Wanda. And now Agatha wakes up the whole town, who all head towards Wanda.

And we cut to Fietro's den of manchildness. Monica asks what that place is, but come on Monica, it's clearly a den of manchildness. Fietro is making himself a smoothie and explaining the purpose of a mancave — chillaxing.

Monica ignores him and rifles through his bills and whatnot. She finds a headshot of Fietro with the name "Ralph Bohner" underneath. Because, people just keep their headshots lying around willynilly. Wait, are we saying Ralph is an actor? Lol.

Fietro meanwhile is planning for a Steven Segal marathon — my dad and I watched all of those movies and for the life of me I could not tell you why. We didn't *like* them. I mean, mostly we laughed, but still. Why?

Anyway, Monica is trying to solve the mystery of Fietro. It's not Agatha's house (obviously) it's Fietro's (Ralph). He's an ass and asks if she wants to fight some more, so she flips him over her shoulder and pins him down, trying to figure out how Agatha is controlling him. With her new glowy eyes, she notices the bead necklace he's wearing sparkles in a magically way. She rips it off and Fietro becomes Ralph.

Elsewhere the Visions are still battling in the sky and the boys are watching from their bedroom. They lose sight of dad, but Billy gets a vision of mom in trouble in the town square. He and Tommy run off.

The townsfolk are confused and scared. Wanda tells them they're all going to be fine. "When you let us sleep, we have your nightmares." Ouch. Wanda insists she kept them safe. Wanda, sweetie, you're very far in over your head.

"You feel, you feel at peace," she tells them, kind of hoping that works. It doesn’t. "We feel your pain." "Your grief is poisoning us." "Please let us go." This is an awful thing to do to Wanda, Marvel!

It escalates with all those voices begging her to free them and she screams, grabbing her head, and when she does that, red light appears around the throats of the townies, silencing them, choking them. Wanda realizes and puts her glowy hands up "stop, stop, I'm sorry", releasing them all.

"If you won't let us go, let us die." Wanda promises to let them go. Agatha wonders what's stopping her from actually doing it.

"Heroes don't torture people." Agatha's a very sink-or-swim kind of teacher.

That does the trick and Wanda throws her arms back and yells to the sky, releasing her power up at the hex surrounding the town. "Go, all of you. Now, go." The people run and the town flickers through the eras and the barrier starts to fall.

Outside, Director Dick tells his morons "this is it, we're going in!"

The Visions keep on battling, but as the barrier falls, Vision starts to falter himself. I was afraid of that.

The Morons roll in with their big trucks and big guns because … reasons. I have a very low opinion of SWORD. Maria Rambeau's agency deserves better than this shitshow.

Vision falls and it looks like bits of him are chipping off. He hits the ground hard, he gets up, but he's glitching, too, falling apart as Wanda takes down her spell. He reaches for her. The boys appear now, too, screaming for mom, but they seem to be flickering as well, flying apart in pixelly pieces. Poor Wanda.

Agatha says "Now do you see? You tied your family to this twisted world and now one can't exist without the other." This is terrible. "Save Westview or save your family." TERRIBLE.

Wanda pulls the hex into herself again, recreating the barrier. The kids and Vision recover and run to her. Outside, as the hex closes, Jimmy Woo is, yet again, left to stare at the barrier, cut off from the fun inside. Poor guy, lol. But, his FBI buddies are arriving, so at least he won't get lonely.

Agatha throws a hex at Wanda and Wanda throws up a shield to protect her family. Which Agatha starts to draw towards herself like the magic vampire she is. Greedy Agatha. Wanda's arms are all gray. And SWORD rolls into town square, because that's what this confrontation needed — these dipshits.

Anyway, the Family stands ready to face Director Dick and his morons, in a quality recreation of the Incredibles family pose. "Listen boys, your mother and I never really prepared you for this," dad says. Because your boys are like three days old, Vision, it's okay. "But you were born for it," Wanda assures them very fiercely. Get 'em, sister!

As they square off, Vision's like "oh crap, it's the other me, back in a mo'" and flies off to tackle Not!Vision who's trying to sneak up behind them.

They destroy the town library and Vision wants to know why Not!Vision gotta be like that. "My programming directive is to destroy the Vision."

Ha ha, says Vision, a loophole. "But, I'm not the true Vision, only a conditional Vision."

Hmmm, says Not!Vision, and they stop fighting, "I request elaboration". Hey, Vision, move into Not!Vision's body and you can be true Vision again! Problem solved, my work here is done.

Back to the street where we find Dick and his Morons and Agatha who is not making this situation at all better. The morons point their guns at Agatha who magics them up off the ground like thirty feet in the air, "Same story, different century. There will always be torches and pitchforks for ladies like us, Wanda." I'm not going to say you're wrong, Agatha, and God knows these SWORD morons are morons, but you're also a pain in the ass. So …

Anyway, then Agatha drops them and Wanda reaches out to catch them. But once caught, she does let them drop the last five or six feet. They'll be fine, but also they deserved it, so I laughed.

"Boys, handle the military. Mommy will be right back." They're my new favorite family.

Wanda flies up to tangle with Agatha and Agatha is super ready except … Wanda throws a curveball and disappears. Suck it Agatha.

Down on the ground the SWORD morons continue to cover themselves in glory and point their guns at CHILDREN. I don't care if they're powered children, you know what I'd like, I'd like if one of the morons would just be like "um, but … they're kids and how about no? I'm going to get Jimmy Woo! He'll know what to do. Don't try and stop me!" That doesn't happen.

Billy freezes the soldiers in place and Tommy super speeds by and steals their guns and hats. AD Dick, being the absolutely loathsome, vile, lower-than-a-maggot, piece of shit that he is, gets out of his humvee and shoots at the CHILDREN.

Monica, who has just arrived to the party, runs and throws herself between Dick and the boys, taking the bullets meant for them. Her new powers render her sort of … I don't even know. Not quite intangible, but she kind of looks like a ballistics gel dummy and the bullets go through her but they slow down a lot as they pass and then just sort of fall on the ground. Dick, crossing the line into pure evil, fires again, the bullet misses Monica and heads towards Billy, who just raises his hand and stops it with his power then he grins at Monica.

"Nice tricks," she tells him.

"I like yours, too," he says.

Dick tries to fire AGAIN! But he's out of bullets. He only had four? Or maybe his gun jammed. Anyway, like the brave man he is, he runs to the humvee, gets in, reverses at speed, stops and looks like he's going to put it in gear and drive at them because the dude is unhinged. But! Lo! It's Darcy and the funnel cake truck, that is apparently built like a tank, though come to think of it, it probably was an armored vehicle in the real world.

Anyway, she t-bones Dick's vehicle, thwarting his evility for the moment. "Have fun in prison." Lol

Back to the Visions. They're having a philosophical debate. "You are familiar with the thought experiment "The Ship of Theseus" in the field of identity metaphysics," Vision prompts Not!Vision.

"Naturally." And Not!Vision helpfully spells it out for us. "The ship of Theseus is in a museum. Over time its planks of wood rot and are replaced with new planks. When no original planks remain, is it still the ship of Theseus?"

Vision presses his advantage, "Secondly. If those removed planks are restored and reassembled, free of the rot, is that the ship of Theseus?"

To sum up, neither is the true Vision, both are the true Vision.

"But I do not have the mind stone," says not!Vision.

"And I do not have one single ounce of original material," replies Vision. "Perhaps the rot is the memories. The wear and tear are the voyages. The wood touched by Theseus himself."

Not!Vision says he doesn't have the memories, though, but Vision insists he does, the data is still there, hidden. Not!Vision says nah, Vision must be the true Vision because he believes himself to be. But, Vision says that's not true anymore, he plays the reverse card, "upon meeting you, I have been disabused of that notion." This is the most philosophy nerd game of 'not it' ever.

Vision continues to try to get at Not!Vision's memories. "As a carbon-based synthazoid, your memory storage is not so easily wiped. May I?" Not!Vision allows Vision to touch the glowy bit where the memory stone used to be, and Not!Vision is flooded with Vision's memories. Not!Vision's eyes go … normal, I guess you'd say, no longer robot-like and glowy.

"I am Vision" he says and flies off. It was a lot to take in, I guess. He needs a little me-time.

I guess we're going to have to go back to calling Vision Sitcom!Vision, anyway, he goes outside and the boys run over to him and there's hugging and stuff.

Agatha stalks them from the rooftop, but it seems she might have forgotten Wanda for a second, because Wanda appears behind her and does that thing she does where she makes you see your worst fear. Enjoy that, Agatha!

Agatha sees herself bound to the stake in the woods again. Her coven dead. Wanda is there in the vision, too. "You see the difference between you and me, is that you did this on purpose."

The coven rise from the dead and shuffle to her while Agatha begs for it to stop. But, then Agatha gets control of herself, I guess, and the undead mummy witches start saying Wanda's name and pointing at her. You're just no fun at all, Agatha.

Now the coven ties Wanda to the stake. "You can't win, Wanda. Power isn't your problem; it's knowledge." That is, actually, very true. Wanda's Scarlet Witch headpiece appears on her all magical-like, marking her as the Scarlet Witch of myth, I suppose.

"Give me your power, and I will correct the flaws in your original spell. And you and your family and the people of Westview can all live together in peace."

If Agatha is so smart, why doesn't she just take Wanda's power, hmm?

"And no one will ever have to feel this pain again. Not even you," Agatha tries cajoling, but that was the wrong tack to take. Wanda gives her the head tilt of imminent ass-kicking, and her powers explode outward, flinging way the weird creepy coven of zombie mummies. Then Wanda knocks them both back into Westview.

She starts hammering Agatha with her powers. "Take it, I don't want it." Vision tries to fly up to help her, but she blocks him with a spell.

Witch fight in the clouds. Every time Wanda misses Agatha, her hexes hit the shield. Outside Jimmy Woo looks on, concerned.

"There's more," Agatha says, "I want it all." Wanda's looking a little mummified, but she's still flinging hexes left and right while Agatha cackles evilly. Eventually Wanda runs out of steam and just sort of hovers there.

"About our deal. Once case, a spell can never be changed." You're terrible, Agatha. Very cruel. "This world will always be broken. Just. Like. You." Low, Agatha. Lower than dirt

Agatha gathers herself and tries to hit out at Wanda with all that yummy power but it just fizzles. Nothing happens. Oh noes, Agatha, what's wrong?

Wanda starts looking like her normal self again and behind her glows a giant rune. Oh, dear, Agatha, you taught Wanda something. When she was missing Agatha and hitting the shield all those times, she was actually casting runes. LOL to you.

The sky is angry and red and stormy. Monica, Vision, and the boys look on.

"In a given space," Wanda says, "only the witch who cast them [runes] can use her magic. Thanks for the lesson, but, I don't need you to tell me who I am."

The Scarlet Witch headpiece reappears and now Agatha has her a fright. I like you Agatha, you're rotten in fun way, but you took it too far, sister. Wanda takes her power back with prejudice and she is transformed into the Scarlet Witch. Updated version of the classic costume. Nice, I like it.

"Oh god," Agatha gasps, "You don't know what you've done." Wanda drops her on the ground more gently than she deserved.

Agatha asks if Wanda's going to lock her up somewhere. And Wanda says, yeah, here in lovely Westview. "I'll give you the role you chose; the nosy neighbor."

"You have no idea what you've unleashed. You're gonna need me." "If I do, I know where to find you." lol

And Wanda turns Agatha back into Agnes. "Hiya, hon. Say, that some kind of getup you're wearing. Did I leave the oven on, or is that just you, hot stuff."

Wanda says goodbye and walks over to her family, kissing her boys.

Vision says their dream home has turned into a fixer-upper. "I know you'll set everything right. Just not for us."

"No," Wanda agrees because Marvel likes to hurt us all. "Not for us."

Monica kind of bounces on her toes, trying to get Wanda's attention, but probably also not entirely wanting Wanda's attention. Wanda gives her a hesitant nod as she and Vision leave with the boys.

The field around town starts to shrink, the circus turns back into the SWORD base.

They get home and tuck the boys into bed.

"Big day today," Vision says. "Your mother and I … are very proud of you both."

"Very proud," Wanda agrees. "You know, a family is forever. We could never truly leave each other, even if we tried. You know that right?"

They kiss their boys goodnight. Outside the window, the field flickers and fails. "Boys, thanks for choosing me to be your mom."

The town of Westview returns to its sad old self, street by street. Wanda turns out the lights in their home.

But, Vision turns one back on. "Oh, I read somewhere, that it's bad luck to say goodbye in the dark." "No, you didn't." You guys are killing me.

Why did this have to be so good and sad?

And finally the collapsing field reaches their street, they watch it coming.

"Wanda, I know we can't stay like this, but before I go, I feel I must know, what am I?"

She touches his face. "You, Vision, are the piece of the mind stone that lives in me. You are a body of wires and blood and bone that I created. You are my sadness and my hope, but mostly you're my love." Stupid show, my screen went blurry there for a second.

Vision cries a bit, they both are a little astonished by the tear.

"I have been a voice with no body, a body but not human. And now, a memory, made real. Who knows what I might be next." Aww, Vision, I love you.

Here comes the field.

"We have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason—" "We'll say hello again." STUPID SHOW why do you have to make me feel things?

The field collapses and everything is stripped back into nothing. "So long, darling." And Wanda stands in the empty lot, in the foundations of the home that never was.

She walks away again. Poor Wanda. And back into town. The people look at her, they don't seem happy. I don't know why she chose to do that, she does have a car. Ah, she's going to talk to Monica.

"They'll never know what you sacrificed for them," Monica says. "It wouldn't change how they see me," Wanda tells her. "And you? You don't … you don't hate me?" "Given the chance, and given your power, I'd bring my mom back. You know I would." "I'm sorry, for all the pain I caused."

Wanda promises to figure out her power and then files off. The End.

Heartbreaking. Good, but heartbreaking.

Mid-credits scene. Jimmy Woo is large and in charge. He's setting up the incident response in town, ordering folks around (in his good natured way).

Jimmy spots his friend. "Monica!" "Authority looks good on you, Jimmy." "Where's Darcy?" "Something about ‘debriefs are for the weak’?" lol "But we can thank her for that."

And down the street AD Dick is being arrested. Nobody punched him in the face. I'm sad. Darcy came closest, I guess. What with hitting him with the very large truck. It will have to do.

Monica is summoned to the theater by another agent. Hmm nobody there. The agent follows. "I was sent by an old friend of your mother's." And the agent is a Skrull. "He heard you'd been grounded. He'd like to meet with you."

"Where?"

The Skrull points up.

What was Fury's Skrull buddy's name? I don't recall. I didn't actually like the Captain Marvel movie. I felt like they told it backwards, and also they should have just cast a younger actor to play young Nick Fury. That bugged me. And I wanted more of Annette Benning’s character. Anyway … I guess we know where we’ll see Monica again.

Well, that was fun. Like I said, I'm not sure what I expected from this series, just that it be some degree of fun, I guess. But it was much better than whatever I had half-envisaged. AND SADDER, MARVEL.

Thank goodness for the multi-verse. I'm sure we'll see some version of the boys again. And also Not!Vision, who is probably also Vision at this point, knocking around the world, trying to find himself. Talk about identity crisis. I feel you, brother. Stay safe, get plenty of whatever passes for rest for you!

See you guys in a couple of weeks for Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I WANT NO TEARS FROM THAT ONE! Unless it's tears of laughter.

ETA: FOR THE SECOND POST CREDITS SCENE THAT I MISSED. Stupid Marvel hiding things from me. Thank you, @beelzebufo

Mountains, a mountain lake, a place I’d like to be right now. Wanda sits on the porch of her lonely little cabin. The tea kettle whistles and she goes inside. There’s a rattling and whispering from the other room, where the astral projection(?) of the Scarlet Witch reads the Darkhold and her children call for her. I don’t know, Wanda, seems dicey, that’s not a very nice book.

FOR REAL THE END THIS TIME

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision liveblog #long post

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sonic-wildfire · 3 years

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Emotion Sickness: Diary Entries from Shadow the Hedgehog (Part 1)

Select entries from Shadow’s diary were found and compiled by Sonic (with Shadow’s permission) as an homage to both Shadow’s development and their relationship together. The entries were made between March 2009 and October 2013. This part of the compilation contains the entries made between March 2009 and December 2010.

10:53 PM - 4 March 2009

Hmph. Another day behind me. I crossed paths with Sonic today and he offered to have lunch with me. The request was somewhat flattering, but I turned it down. I don’t really need to eat.

Why is Sonic always so nice to me? It’s a liability to be within ten feet of him at this point, considering how much trouble he gets into. Whatever. I’m better by myself anyway.

5:02 PM - 19 July 2009

Amy visited me today and said she was here on Sonic’s behalf. Don’t know why, but she wanted me to know Sonic was offering to have me over at his place.

Sonic has a permanent home? Who knew?

I thought about it for a bit, but I declined. Again, I don’t understand why Sonic continues to do nice things for me even though I’m the most miserable being on the planet. It’s not that I hate them or anything, but I just can’t get close to anybody else. What if they reject me? What if...

Forget it.

I can’t think about this stuff. I’m going to take a nap. My thoughts are the last thing I need to be with right now.

6:46 PM - 30 November 2009

Wouldn’t you know it, that stubborn blue hedgehog turned up at my door today and again asked me to spend time with him. I was about to just tell him to piss off, but something about this interaction was different. I don’t know what, why, or how, but... it actually sounded appealing this time?

Very hesitantly, I said I’d think about it but don’t expect me to take you up on the offer. He just smiled, said okay, and left.

Maybe I should at least try to be somewhat charitable for once. I called up Rouge and told her about what had happened and she just teased me over it before hanging up. You know, typical Rouge.

But she did tell me that it was ultimately my decision to make.

Hm. I think I might go after all.

12:25 PM - 2 December 2009

Just got back from having breakfast with Sonic. He was actually surprised I showed up. Honestly? I was surprised, too.

I didn’t talk too much, but Sonic... oh boy, Sonic. It’s like he never ran out of things to talk about. He’s smiling the entire time he’s with me, too. It was almost alluring just how much his bright demeanor contrasted with my moody self.

One of the things Sonic talked about was his friends. I was fully ready to just stop him right then and there (it rubs me the wrong way when anybody mentions friendship), but then he told me I was a “good friend” to him.

I asked him if he was serious. Sonic said yes.

In retrospect, it was certainly more eventful than most days. Perhaps little meetups like this would be healthier for me if I did them every once in a while.

3:59 AM - 28 May 2010

I can’t rest. I keep thinking about Sonic.

We’ve been meeting occasionally like I said I should. The longer I’m with Sonic, the more I begin to see in him what I could’ve been.

He’s a caring, generous man with everything going for him. People like him. He has a purpose in life. He’s coolheaded, rational, and valuable to society.

So why on Earth would Sonic be spending time with me, a reprehensibly depressed alien who is so completely worthless and undeserving of care? How could he possibly like me when I don’t even like myself?

I’m tired and tears are pricking at the corners of my eyes. I need to talk to someone in the morning.

1:51 AM - 29 May 2010

I called Rouge and told her about last night. She wasn’t very vocal, but she did offer a little encouragement. She said I don’t get enough sleep and that a little bit of rest would put me at ease for a bit. But I’m still on edge. What does Sonic see in me that I don’t? Or am I just overthinking this? My thoughts are erratic right now, so I’m sorry to anyone reading if this doesn’t make sense.

Ugh.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes already.

I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic.

Who would ever want to spend time with someone like me?

All I do is brood in the corner of the room all day and be an asshole to everybody. I don’t understand how anybody could be tolerant of me, much less a “friend.”

Yet... I’m still drawn to Sonic. For whatever reason, he’s just so inviting. He’s nice. Too nice.

11:32 AM - 8 August 2010

Over the past few months, Sonic and I have been visiting each other more often, and not much has changed.

From me, at least.

Sonic has been growing even kinder towards me than before. Sometimes, he’ll give me small gifts like a scarf. Other times, he’ll ask me about myself. If I were ready, I would’ve just spilled my true feelings about myself right then and there.

But I wasn’t ready. So I just talked about the very few things I did find enjoyment in. Gardening, space, and Chao. I begged him to never tell anybody about what I said to him, and he looked at me like I had three heads but vowed to keep it a secret anyway.

I just don’t know. Sonic’s a good guy, but... I can’t bring myself to be friendly with him. If I start growing close with people, they’ll just die or leave me and I’ll be heartbroken again just like last time. I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.

I appear tough on the outside. But the truth is, I’m always on the verge of breaking down. My mental state is so volatile and virtually uncontrollable.

Chaos damn it, just get out of my head already!

3:40 PM - 23 December 2010

The holiday season. A time for joy, reminiscing on the past, looking forward to the new year, and exchanging gifts.

For everybody else, that is.

Ever since I came here, I’ve spent every Christmas alone.

All the others have a big gathering at Sonic’s house, having a good time (allegedly). I was never interested in these and I always declined every single invitation I got from Sonic. Yet, like clockwork, he still sends me one every year. Maybe hoping that I’ll change my mind one year.

After a lot of self-reflection over the past year, though, I’m not sure how much more invitations I can reject before Sonic gives up trying.

I crumble in social situations. Interacting with anybody other than Rouge, Omega, or Sonic for more than ten seconds takes an insane amount of willpower.

Something has to give. Either I go for once or they stop trying.

12:48 AM - 24 December 2010

I’ve decided I need to go. Maybe bring one of my Chao if things go wrong. I’m not necessarily doing this because I want to go. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t go because at least I know things can’t go wrong if I’m by myself.

But I can’t stop thinking about Sonic and his friends. It drives me crazy.

9:21 PM - 24 December 2010

Party’s tomorrow. Note to self: don’t fuck this up.

11:17 PM - 26 December 2010

How quickly things can change has always amazed me. Tonight proved that.

Everybody was really surprised to see me showing up, but they said they were all grateful I showed up. Sonic, of course, was the first to welcome me, giving me a hug that admittedly felt like a breath of fresh air after so much time alone. Then again, I have a reputation so I needed to act like he was crushing me to death.

I didn’t spend much time talking with other people, though I did exchange some small talk with Rouge. The usual.

As the party grew longer, I found myself being... complimented by others?

Knuckles said he hoped I was “doing well.” Cream gave me a single flower while wishing me a merry Christmas. Tails shyly waved at me (I put on a smile and waved back). Omega said I was “one of the only creatures made of flesh” he trusted.

I’m sorry. Did these people forget who they were talking to?

Dinner was fine, though I was particularly eager about the sweets. Oh, right, I forgot to mention I have a knack for candy. The more you know.

Of course, then it was time for gifts. I swear you could fill the Grand Canyon with the sheer amount of presents under the tree. I guessed that roughly three of those were for me, ready to be mailed to me if I didn’t show up.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw eight presents being dropped into my lap and all of them reading “To: Shadow.”

We all took turns opening our presents. I had two presents from Amy (a coffee mug and a Chao toy), one present from Espio (a kunai), one present from Tails (a bag of coffee beans), one present from Knuckles (a Kill la Kill DVD) and... three presents from Sonic?!

The first one was classic Sonic stuff. A sweater with the word “faker” sewed on the chest. He thought that one was really funny. I didn’t really care.

The second one was more genuine. A pair of rocket boosters for my shoes. My old ones are just about dead, so this was welcome.

The third one... subverted all expectation. It was a small box that contained a piece of paper. It read:

“Dear Shadow, stay after the party and meet me upstairs when the others leave. Signed, Sonic.”

The others were curious about what Sonic meant by this. Silver joked that I was being sent to the principal’s office.

Eventually, the party came to a close and people left. I went upstairs as Sonic had told me, and there he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I sat down and asked him what he wanted me for, half-expecting something stupid.

“I understand you haven’t had the easiest life...”

I instantly got up to leave. No way I was sticking around to hear this again.

But Sonic grabbed my arm and yanked me back to the bed, his face now spelling genuine concern.

“...I know you mean well. Sometimes, you do things that we think are dumb but actually turn out to be smart. Other times, you just do dumb stuff. But that’s not the point. The point is, I want you to know that I’m still here for you. I can tell you’re bothered by your thoughts. But the bottom line is that I, and we, care about you. We love you, Shadow. I love you. Please don’t think you’re not worthy of being cared about. We have our ups and downs, but we always work it out eventually, right? I know your thought process works differently than mine. That does not make you any less deserving of respect. My greatest wish is that you would love yourself as much as we love you.”

I was stunned. That bastard. Quickly losing my composure, I began blubbering about how I couldn’t stand the thought of getting close to someone just to lose them again. How I’m so terrified that I will just be manipulated and used by people pretending to be my “friend.”

Sonic told me that he would never go away and that he would never “use” me.

Fuck. Fuck.

Sonic embraced me and I’m embarrassed to admit that I began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around him. I swore to myself that I’d never show any kind of weakness around them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he told me. “Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m here now. I’m here.”

“And I always will be. That’s a promise.”

#sth #Sonic the Hedgehog #Shadow the Hedgehog #Sonadow #Shasoni #Sonic Fanfiction #Fanfiction

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

Note

I always got the impression that during Zen breakups, Donna more sided with Hyde than Jackie. What do you think?

Donna is often seen through an undeserved negative lens by a portion of T7S fans. Contradictions in her characterization do exist, thanks to inconsistent writing. But when her behavior, dialogue, and choices are examined closely, her true character is revealed. I do this in the metas linked below.

In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts).

In Defense of Donna: Supplemental

In Defense of Donna (Yet Again) in Her Relationship with Eric

Was Donna Mean to Jackie from Throughout Their Relationship?

Analyzing the facts burns away the foundation on which the biases about and misinterpretations of Donna’s character are built. After the cut, I discuss in detail her reactions to Jackie and Hyde’s breakups. She’s a far better person, and friend to Jackie, than is often recognized.

Jackie and Hyde’s first breakup occurs in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” (5x14), after Jackie shouts, “Get off my boyfriend!” to Annette about Kelso in the previous episode. Below is Donna and Jackie’s first discussion about it.

Donna: So, have you talked to Hyde about the whole, “Get off my boyfriend,” disaster? Jackie: No! And why is everyone making such a big deal about it? It's like every time I walk into a room, people look at me funny. Donna, how do you deal with it? Donna: Jackie, the reason people are making a big deal about it is because it sounds like you still have feelings for Kelso. Jackie: Well, I don't. I think the only reason I said it was because I was having an allergic reaction to the Formans' cheap, generic soda.

Here, Donna is being supportive of both Hyde and Jackie. She cares about them and their relationship. Jackie, however, has a tendency toward denial and self-delusion, which Donna has experienced extensively. She wants Jackie to be honest with herself, face reality, and not put herself or Hyde through the pain she went through with Kelso during seasons 1-4.

The next time in the episode Donna talks about this situation is with Annette at The Hub.

Annette: Guys, I really think there's some unfinished business between Michael and Jackie. When they were together, did she make him happy? Donna: Well, she totally dominated him and made him feel bad about himself. Annette: I guess what I'm really asking is, was she ever fat or anything?

Donna’s assessment isn’t accurate and nowhere near complete. This is not the fault of Donna but the writers, whose take on Jackie and Kelso is made clear in “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26). Despite the few concessions the writers make during Jackie and Kelso’s exchange that give Jackie some sympathy, the onus for the toxicity of their relationship is put on Jackie. New “facts” that are never mentioned or shown in the series before this episode are introduced so that Kelso can give Jackie the responsibility for his cheating and the audience will agree with him, at least in part.

Donna’s assessment of Jackie and Kelso’s relationship in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” reflects the point of view given in “Everybody Loves Casey”. What actually occurs during seasons 1-4 contradicts this assessment. Jackie encourages Kelso and bolsters his self-esteem (see “The Forgotten Son” [4x09] for one of many examples). She buys him so many presents that he owes her $8,265 in 1977 (see “Baby Fever” [3x07)], which is the equivalent to $35,525 today (due to inflation).

Yes, Jackie also berates him, but she most often does so when he mistreats her by lying, cheating, and generally disrespecting her. She also tries to control him in certain situations, like how many of her stuffed animals she’ll keep in his van or refusing to break up with him when he asks to in “Red’s Last Day” (2x02).

But the so-called total domination Donna claims Jackie had over Kelso is false. If it were true, Kelso never would’ve cheated on her with Pam Macy, Laurie, a girl from Sacred Heart. He wouldn’t have avoided her for a week after the first time they have sex or treat her like a servant once he gets in contact with her again. He wouldn’t have ignored her many nos about having sex until she’s exhausted by his relentlessness and given into what he wants. The list goes on.

The point, though, is that real!Donna would not have said Jackie “totally dominated [Kelso] and made him feel bad about himself.” Real!Donna -- who’d tried to get Jackie to break up with cheating Kelso then stay broken up with him -- would have said that Jackie and Kelso made each other miserable and that it wasn’t a healthy relationship for either of them. This assessment would have given Annette, a virtual stranger, enough information without betraying Jackie’s privacy.

Jackie enters The Hub soon after this conversation.

Jackie: Donna, Steven broke up with me. Donna: Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry.

Donna is sincere in her compassion. She doesn’t say, “You deserved it,” or, “What did you expect?” Her friend is hurting, and Donna feels for her.

This is the last interaction between Donna and Jackie before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in this episode. Donna’s empathy is obviously for Jackie. We get no scenes between Donna and Hyde or dialogue from Donna that shows she believes Hyde is in the right for breaking up with her. She just wants Jackie to recognize why Hyde might feel hurt by Jackie calling Kelso her boyfriend.

Jackie and Hyde’s next breakup happens in “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” (5x23). Kelso tells Donna about Hyde sleeping with the nurse.

Kelso: [Hyde] doesn’t know it but I saw him kissing this lady at the hotel. Donna: Oh, my God, that’s horrible. Kelso: I wanna do the right thing, right? So I’m thinking that I’ll just tell Jackie, and then she’ll feel really bad. Then I’ll console her, and -- presto! -- we’re making out topless! Donna: No, Kelso! The thing to do is to tell Hyde that you know and then give him a chance to tell Jackie.

Again, Donna is concerned for the well-being of both Jackie and Hyde and their relationship. She cares about both of them, but Hyde’s behavior / choice is likely incomprehensible to her at this point.

Once Jackie breaks up with Hyde and the full truth is out, Hyde calls Jackie at Donna’s. Donna wants Jackie to talk to him, but Jackie hangs up the phone, and Donna pleads Hyde’s case

Donna: I think this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Hyde didn’t know what was going on. Jackie: I know, okay? But after Michael, I promised myself that I would never be with another boy who cheated on me. Donna: But Hyde’s so good for you. Since you started dating him you’ve completely stopped quoting Nancy Drew.

Donna’s point of view, again, reflects the writers’ -- that Hyde’s transgression is a “stupid, one-time thing.” If Hyde had actually been written as real!Hyde during this episode and arc (after sleeping with the nurse), he would’ve put Jackie’s pain and feelings ahead of his own, shown true and lasting contrition along with self-awareness, and not expect forgiveness.

Donna’s argument would be much stronger if Hyde hadn’t displayed similar behavior to Kelso’s in season 2 (e.g., acting entitled to Jackie’s forgiveness and growing hostile toward her when he doesn’t get it in his desired time frame). Hyde’s relationship with Jackie does inspire her to grow and change, but that doesn’t negate his betrayal of her -- or vice versa.

Donna needed to give Jackie empathy in this moment rather than try to fix what Hyde had broken, but she does so right after Jackie rejects Donna’s argument to give Hyde a chance. Jackie cries on her shoulder, and Donna holds her during it.

Before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in “Join Together” (6x02), Donna continues to point out the positive effect Jackie’s relationship with Hyde had on Jackie. She’s neither Team Jackie nor Team Hyde. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She’s supportive of and compassionate toward Jackie while also maintaining faith in Hyde’s innate goodness.

Donna believes that Hyde, at his core, isn’t a cheater. That he isn’t Kelso, but this doesn’t excuse Hyde’s transgression. What’s missing during this breakup arc is a scene where Donna confronts Hyde about what he did, why he chose to act out instead of talk to Jackie, and where she tells him he has to own his crap. This would have connected nicely story-wise (or grown out of) the lessons she should have learned with Eric in season 5 had the show not rushed into their engagement arc.

Donna could have brought up Hyde’s childhood, the source of his deep fear of abandonment, and how he allowed this fear to seep into his relationship with Jackie. Hyde, then, might have admitted he’d fallen for Jackie when she’d chased him back in season 3 and felt betrayed by her ultimately rejecting him for Kelso.

Hyde: I guess that crap came up again when she became my girlfriend. Part of me always believed she’d always go back to him.

Unfortunately, the writers didn’t make these story and character connections, and the characterization and story suffered because of it.

During Jackie and Hyde’s season 7 breakups, Donna behaves similarly as described above. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She supports both her friends and believes they’re happiest (and best) when together. She brings Jackie to her martial arts class to get out her rage at Hyde in a healthy way. She consistently teases Hyde about his love for Jackie so he won’t deny it to himself or quit fighting for it. She’s always got a hug for Jackie when she needs it, and she calls Hyde on his B.S. (finally) in season 7.

So, no, Donna doesn’t side more with Hyde over Jackie after their breakups. She an equal friend to both of them, despite the flaws in the writing.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Donna Pinciotti #Jackie x Hyde #Jackie Burkhart #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Essay #Meta

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radishaur · 4 years

Note

hi, i love how you write and i was wondering if i could request a zuko imagine with prompts 23 and 87 from the make a reader swoon list? maybe reader has had her heart broken before so she's hesitant about believing zuko or something like that?

Ah, to be Y/N, having Zuko comfort you and attend to your needs. I love this idea! I hope you like how it turns out. For those who haven’t read the prompt list here they are. #23: I fell for you without even knowing it and, jesus, does it hurt that you can’t see it” and #87: “Don’t tell me you love me unless you mean it”.

- Zoe

•••

Breaking The Rules (Zuko x Reader)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst

Part: 1/1

Summary: See Request

•••

Heartbreak can make you do stupid things. It turns you into an empty shell of the person you used to be. Each person you let in takes a piece of you that you never get back. That’s why love is for the blind. Those who will happily open themselves up to the pain of abandonment and heartache.

I wasn’t one of those people anymore.

Ever since my ex broke my heart, I had created a set of rules to follow. They were simple and straightforward, designed to make sure I never repeat my mistakes again.

Little did I know, Zuko would soon have me breaking every single one.

•••

Rule #1: Don’t talk about yourself

The Western Air Temple was quiet as everybody slept. The soft sounds of snoring filled the air but otherwise there wasn’t a sound to be heard. I sighed, getting up and deciding to go somewhere else.

I decided to go for a walk. I walked up the stairs of the temple and began walking through the forest. I had only gotten a few feet away before I heard rustling.

I turned cautiously to the area the noise came from and got into a fighting position.

“Hello?” I called out.

There was a bit more rustling before Zuko popped out from behind the trees. I sighed and dropped my fighting stance.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized awkwardly.

“It’s ok,” I said.

He stood awkwardly for a few seconds, shuffling around on his feet as if debating wether to stay or not. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me hopefully.

“Mind if I walk with you?” he asked.

I shook my head no, not trusting my voice to work properly. I was still cautious of him, after all he did chase us across the world, but he just had a way of making me drop my guard.

Frankly, that scared me. It should have been the reason I said that I do mind and sent him on his way. But, of course I didn’t. I simply nodded and walked beside him.

“Couldn’t aleep?” he asked softly.

“Not really,” I replied, a sigh escaping me as I did.

I had always had trouble falling asleep. I was a night person so my mind just loved to keep me awake.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

The air was thick with a tension I didn’t know could exist. I desperately wanted to be back down in the temple so that I could avoid having a conversation with him. I needed to stay neutral about him.

“So, where are you from?” he inquired, looking at me from the side as he did.

I stayed silent, meeting his gaze with an apprehensive look.

“I just don’t remember seeing you in the group until a few months in,” he elaborated.

I pursed my lips and looked ahead, determining how much was too much. I would be walking a thin line by answering, but it would be kind of awkward for me to stay silent the entire walk.

“Right,” Zuko mumbled, mostly to himself, “I guess I probably should have assumed you still hate me.”

I felt a small part of my heart ache. The group had been giving him a hard time since joining, not that I blame them, but I also felt somewhat bad. I mean, he did seem like he was trying. I sighed.

“I’m from the Fire Nation originally, but I joined the group in Omashu,” I explained.

Zuko smiled slightly at my answer. I’m sure it felt nice for him to know he wasn’t the only Fire Nation one in the group.

“Can you firebend?” he asked excitedly.

I couldn’t stop the small smile that broke out on my face at his excitement.

“Yes, but I wasn’t allowed to train so I never use it to fight. I use throwing daggers for that,” I explained, lighting a small fire in my hand as I spoke before putting it out.

“Maybe I could teach you. Aang is still doing the basics so it wouldn’t be hard to add you into the mix,” he offered.

I hesistated. I really would like to learn how to firebend properly, but it would mean spending more and more time with him. Shirtless.

Eventually, my desire to learn won out.

“I would love that,” I answered with a smile.

•••

Rule #2: Never admit you have feelings

The Fire Nation emblem was unmistakable. The airships that surrounded us were definitely not friendly. Azula stood inside one of the ships and taunted Zuko.

I knew what he was about to do. He was going to be an idiot and fight her alone. She was getting under his skin and I knew as soon as he started running that I couldn’t stop him.

The Gaang rushed onto Appa and began flying through the sky, avoiding the ship’s attacks as we did. I kept my eye on Zuko the entire time. He was holding his own pretty well, but Azula was a formidable appontent.

“We’ve got to grab Zuko and get out of here,” Katara exclaimed.

“I know, but how? He’s standing right next to Azula!” Sokka said.

I turned to look back at Zuko just in time to see him hurtling off the ship and down into the abyss below.

“Zuko, no!” I screamed.

The Gaang watched in horror as Zuko began to fall. His own expression of horror etched itself into my mind. He was going to die.

Appa flew furiously through the air until we were swooping underneath Zuko. Katara managed to grab him hand and yank him down into the basket. I unknowingly let out a sigh of relief.

We flew to a new campsite far enough away from the temple and began to set up camp. I was sent to collect firewood, which left me plenty of time alone with my thoughts.

I had thought for sure that Zuko was going to die. The heart wrenching feeling in my chest as I watched him falling was unmistakable. I felt a nervous pit begin to form in my stomach.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt why I was so scared when he was falling. I knew why that feeling of relief that washed over me when Zuko was safe was also accompanied by a warm feeling in my stomach.

“I like Zuko,” I whispered, burying my face in my hands.

•••

Rule #3: Avoid physical affection

Zuko was right: the Ember Island players butchered every play. This one especially.

In hindsight, going to see a play about ourselves written by someone from the Fire Nation wasn’t a great idea. Everybody was in a bad mood, but especially Zuko.

I caught him wallowing out on the porch when I went to grab a midnight snack. I wondered wether to leave him alone or check on him. We had grown to be close friends since he joined us and I felt guilty about the idea of leaving him alone.

“Hey,” I said as I sat beside him, “Are you ok?”

He looked over to me with a sad smile before looking back out at the ocean.

“Yea, I’m ok. I just really didn’t like the play,” he sighed, bringing his knees up and hugging them to his chest.

“I didn’t like it either,” I admitted.

Particularly, I didn’t like the implied romance between Zuko and Katara. But of course, I didn’t say that.

“It just took every mistake I’ve ever made and threw it back in my face. It made me realize how undeserving I am of everyone’s forgiveness,” he explained, the same sad smile on his face as he spoke.

I hesistated. Normally, this is the point where I would wrap them in a hug and give a huge speech about how valued they are. I wanted to do that so badly right now, but the little voice in the back of my head that screamed no made me weary.

I settled for putting my hand on his shoulder and giving him a reassuring smile.

“You’re a good person, Zuko. Even good people make mistakes,” I said.

I stood up after a few moment of silence and began to walk away.

“Wait!” he exclaimed, grabbing my wrist as he scrambled to his feet.

I stood frozen to the spot, a look of shock and apprehension on my face as I wondered what he was doing. My skin tingled at the contact and sent a swarm of butterflies off in my chest.

I was about to say something before I felt Zuko wrap his arms around me. I hesitated for only a moment before returning it. He was incredibly warm and I found myself melting into him with every passing moment.

“Thank you,” he whispered, sending a shiver down my spine.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, my voice barely audible.

•••

Rule #4: Never be emotionally vulnerable

Zuko’s battle with Azula had not gone to plan, but he had still won. Today, he was getting crowned as Fire Lord and I couldn’t have been happier for him.

I went to go see him before the ceremony and found him struggling to get into his clothes. I giggled slightly which caught his attention.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed happily.

I hadn’t been able to see him since he left at the White Lotus camp. I glanced at the bandages wrapped around his chest and walked closer to him. I helped him pull his sleeve onto his arm as he smiled.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” I admitted softly.

“Same here. I heard you took some nasty hits,” he said, looking down to where my own bandages were wrapped.

“All for the good of the nation,” I replied, a joking smile on my face.

He laughed slightly before hugging me. At this point, I was no longer surprised when he did, but I still got just a flustered. I let myself enjoy the warmth of his embrace a little longer before pulling away.

“I’m glad you came to see me,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his good arm before adding, “I actually wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh?” I asked in surprise.

“I wanted to say something before I left to fight Azula, but I kind of chickened out. And then I almost died and realized I just needed to come out and say it,” he explained, taking a step closer to me.

My breath hitched as my eyes met his. They were so beautiful and more filled with emotion than I had ever seen before.

“Y/N, I really like you. I’ve had a crush you on pretty much since the beginning, actually,” he admitted, chuckling slightly as he looked to the side.

My heart dropped in my chest. Part of me was over the moon elated at the fact that he returned my feelings and the other half of me was too scared to say it back.

“W-Why?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“Why? Because you’re insanely beautiful and smart and funny and supportive. You believed in me when I didn’t and you make me a better person,” he said, a breathy laugh leaving his voice as he spoke.

I shook my head. I couldn’t believe it. It had to be some kind of joke.

“That’s not true,” I said quietly, beginning to step back from him as I did.

Zuko stepped forward again and took my hand in his. I met his gaze with tears in my eyes.

“It is true. I didn’t know until a little while ago, but it’s true. I fell for you without even knowing it and, Agni, does it hurt that you can’t see it,” he said.

“I...,” I began, my voice cracking with all the emotions I was feeling.

“It’s ok. I figured you probably wouldn’t feel the same,” he sighed, stepping back before saying, “I just wanted you to know.”

Seeing the heartbreak in his eyes only made mine worse. I took a deep breath.

“That’s not it. I....,” I trailed off, my confidence faltering slightly as he looked at me.

I ran a hand through my hair nervously before crossing my arms over my chest. Zuko simply watched me patiently, waiting for me to finish.

“I do like you. A lot. I’m just scared,” I admitted.

“Scared I’ll bertray you like I did the others,” he said softly.

“No! No, this has nothing to do with you,” I assured him quickly, desperate to stop him from going down that train of thought again, “I just...my ex really hurt me and I’m afraid of trusting someone that much again.”

Zuko stayed still for a moment before pulling me into a hug. I immediately began to cry as he held me, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

“I don’t know what your ex did, but I promise you this isn’t a joke. I’m so head over heels for you, Y/N. Even the Gaang can back me up,” he assured me, his arms tightening around me slightly.

I took a deep shaky breath before pulling back slightly. I felt the nervous pit in my stomach once more, but in that moment I wanted to ignore the rules. I leaned up and kissed him.

It was soft and nurturing and so very different from how my ex and I used to kiss. Zuko kisses me like I was a treasure he never wanted to lose. Like I was the air he needed to breath. It sent a warm feeling across my entire body.

“Does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” he mumbled into my lips.

I cracked a small smile before responding. I ignored the voice in my head that told me to run away.

“Yes.”

•••

Rule #5: Never say I love you. Ever.

Things with Zuko have been going great. I had been dating him for a few months and even with him being Fire Lord, he always made time for me. Wether it was small breaks in the garden to impromptu lunches, he always managed to fit me into his busy schedule.

Today, it was early morning tea. The morning was still bright and the tea I held on a tray as I walked towards his room left tiny curls of steam billowing behind me. I didn’t bother to knock before opening the door, but apparently I should have.

Inside, there was Mai. Kissing Zuko.

I felt the tray slip from your hands and crash onto the floor. Zuko shoved Mai off of himself as the tray fell and then looked to the doorway when he heard the crash. His expression of anger dropped when he saw me standing there.

“Y/N, wait!” he exclaimed, his expression of horror clear as day.

I ran out of the room. I didn’t even know where I was running, I just let my feet take me wherever they wanted. I knew I had been stupid to trust him. I felt my breathing become shallower as I ran and the panicked feeling in my chest grew as well.

I finally stopped in the garden by the turtle duck pond and cursed myself inside. Of course I had come here. This used to be Zuko and I’s stress free spot. I felt myself struggling to breath as I let my tears fall.

“Y/N, let me explain.”

I turned to see Zuko standing a few feet behind me. I hadn’t even heard him walking towards me. I turned back around and began furiously wiping my tears away.

“Go away, Zuko. I have no interest in hearing what you have to say,” I spat.

“Y/N, please. She kissed me out of nowhere. I didn’t kiss her back. You just happened to walk in at the wrong time,” he pleaded, taking a step closer towards me.

I scoffed before turning around and glaring at him angrily.

“I don’t believe you,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Y/N, I would never cheat on you. You’re the most important person in the entire world to me. I don’t love Mai, I love-“

“Stop! Stop it.”

My scream cut him off and sent the atmosphere into one of tense silence. My tears had begun falling once more. I didn’t want him to finish. I couldn’t hear him finish.

“Don’t tell me you love me unless you mean it,” I said quietly, my voice wavering.

“I do mean it,” he said, running a hand through his hair as he spoke, “I mean, this isn’t by any means how I was planning on telling you, but it’s true. I love you, Y/N.”

I met his amber eyes and felt a piece of my heart shatter. He had real genuine pain in his eyes, like he was begging me to believe him. I wanted to. I wanted to believe so badly.

“How can you expect me to trust you?” I choked out, wiping my tears away once more.

“Because I’m not your ex. I’m your loving boyfriend who wants to spend the rest of his life treating you with the love and respect you deserve,” he answered, taking another careful step forward.

I let out a shaky sigh and balled my fists. I forced myself to shut my eyes and look down at my feet. I felt tears building up once more as I fought with myself about what to do. I wanted to believe him because I did trust him. But, that tiny voice was still screaming at me to run.

I wanted to say it back. I wanted to admit that I did love him. But I knew that once I said it there would be no going back. I would be sending myself down the very path my rules were set to keep me from.

I felt Zuko’s arms wrap around me and realized I had begun to sob. My hands were at my mouth to muffle the sounds and I could feel Zuko’s hand rubbing circles onto my back. I latched onto him and cried.

“Shhh. Shhh. It’s ok. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so so sorry,” he whispered soothingly into my ear to calm me down.

He knew I was fighting a battle within myself. Even without me having to tell him, he knew. Maybe it was because he knew the signs of what he had gone through himself or maybe it was because he knew me so well. Probably both.

I found myself melting once more into his soothing embrace and I allowed my sobs to die down. Zuko never loosened his hold on me or stopped comforting me. I felt the familiar warmth I felt when I was around him return.

“I love you too,” I said, my voice cracking as I did.

I heard Zuko laugh and pulled away to see that he had also been crying. I wiped his tears away and pulled him into a kiss. He kissed me again and again and again, smiled wider after each one.

I pulled away from his to give him a stern look. His smile faltered for a moment, scared of what I was going to say.

“I’m still mad at you though. I don’t want Mai anywhere near you alone again,” I huffed.

“Deal. You don’t even have to ask again. I’m all yours, Y/N. I promise,” he responded immediately, his smile returning.

Satisfied with his answer, I hooked his arm with mine and began leading him to the kitchen.

“Let’s go make some more tea. I could use some after all that,” I joked.

I heard him laugh and press a kiss to the top of my head as we began to walk.

“I’m so in love with you, Y/N.”

“I know.”

#zuko #prince zuko fanfic #prince zuko fanfiction #prince zuko fic #zuko imagine #zuko x reader #prince zuko #prince zuko x reader

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shinneth · 4 years

Note

Spill the tea on Stevinel (just because I saw one for conniverse) And yes, I'm not on Anonymous. Because I'm a proud stevinel shipper and no one's going to stop me from loving it, also your blog is cool

And you know what? That’s the right attitude to have! People should be free to express what they ship without shielding themselves with anonymity. I don’t blame the people that do these days - antis are fucking dangerous people - but goddamn, people. It’s fiction.

So I commend you for shipping Stevinel openly and proudly! Hard to believe it’s actually considered a bold and brave move just to be open and honest about harmless preferences these days.

That said, I’m sorry it took so long to get to this. I felt you deserved an epic, given how unexpectedly successful my tirade on why Connverse is a shit ship with an undeserved golden reputation was...

But the truth is, even though I’m very much a Stevinel shipper, it’s definitely not my OTP.

And it’s very tricky for me to figure out how to spill the tea on Stevinel in a way that’s distinct from me doing the same with Stevidot.

Because, well, let’s face it: these two ships, beyond being very similar in nature, have also endured identical hardships from the fandom.

All the death threats Stevinel fans get from the raging antis for daring to ship something so “problematic/immoral/wrong/not Connverse”?

Stevidot fans have been treated that exact same way for years. And still are. For the exact same reasons.

Both Stevinel and Stevidot shippers are valid, but the fandom constantly turns a blind eye to Rebecca Sugar’s husband who also worked on the show outright saying gem x human ships are FAIR GAME.

And also turn a blind eye to the recent interview where Sugar herself stated that the gems are more like AI - a conclusion I and many others deduced ages ago just by how gems are portrayed in the show.

But by god, they’ll hang on Matt Burnett’s word that “grown gems” are a thing even though canon itself explicitly states that GEMS DON’T GROW.

Just like how despite Maya Petersen outright admitting that Aroace!Peridot is just her headcanon, people treat it like the fucking gospel now.

(no offense to anyone who’s committed to that particular headcanon - I just don’t really see it with Peridot in particular and it’s really fucking stupid to claim it’s 100% canon when the source herself explicitly said it wasn’t)

Well, it’s canon that Spinel kissed Steven and he didn’t turn into dust. And Steven was already well on his way down the path of self-destruction at this point in time; he would’ve gone monster whether this happened or not.

Also, how often does a character get the “heart eyes” expression for just a platonic love?

If there was ever a scene where Connie or Steven had heart eyes, no doubt most of the pricks would scream “YES!!!! UNDENIABLE PROOF THAT THEY’RE IN LOVE!!!”

But when it’s Spinel, suddenly it doesn’t count? Really?

How convenient.

There’s also the stupid idiots who saw the conceptual development of Spinel in that movie artbook and saw some vague color keys during a conceptual stage and claimed that Spinel was “family” to Steven - which of course must mean “related” and therefore must make Stevinel an incestuous relationship!

Which is bull. Also shit. It’s already common knowledge that gems don’t work that way. She was the designated playmate for Steven’s mother. Nothing more.

Of course, most gems who come in Steven’s orbit end up being sort of a family to him.

But everyone seems to have this impression that a gem being part of Steven’s family means they become additional surrogate mom figures.

And yeah no, that’s dumb and wrong. Garnet and Pearl are really the only ones I’d consider actual “mom figures”. Amethyst’s more of a big sister. Everyone else can vary depending on perspective, but I’ve never seen any of the other gems as anything close to a motherly figure for Steven. Any time I see shit about Lapis or Peridot being regarded as “gem moms” to Steven, I laugh my ass off. They are so not moms or any kind of authoritative figure for Steven. Bismuth at best is more of the fun-loving aunt.

There are more roles in a family than just a paternal/maternal substitute. In fact, I believe Steven has considered Connie to be part of his family well before they hooked up in canon.

(as a side-note, I love how people who are allegedly SO squicked out by age gap ships totally pardon Connverse - you guys realize Connie was 14 in Future, right? Possibly 15 depending on the time scale? There’s gonna be a point in the relative near future where Steven is 18 and Connie isn’t - why don’t I hear you assholes angst about that “atrocity”, huh?)

I honestly do consider the CG B-Team as part of Steven’s family, but more in a loose sense. But by that same token, I consider Connie as part of the family in a similar manner.

Especially since Spinel was shoved off to live with the Diamonds after the movie - and the Diamonds themselves have a very fucked-up relationship among themselves to the point where I honestly hesitate to put a familial label on it at all - it’s extra stupid to try and paint Stevinel as something with incestuous overtones when it clearly doesn’t.

Spinel does happen to be a perfect representative of how full of shit antis are about age gaps, though.

While Peridot’s age has always been left vague, we know she can’t be 5K or older due to being an Era 2 gem. Due to her utter lack of knowledge of Era 1 events (or being completely sold on the Diamonds’ propaganda) and her general inexperience with her own equipment - as well as her ability to quickly adapt to Earth - I always headcanoned Peridot as being especially young. Like, younger-than-Steven young.

Mostly because Peri’s attitude reeks of Gen Z - also because it’d be nice for a change to have a gem who isn’t thousands of years old like literally every other noteworthy gem in the show. We need a representative of gemkind who hasn’t been around for ages.

Of course, Spinel’s backstory proves that even if they went the boring route and made Peridot thousands of years old just like everybody else, it wouldn’t really mean much of anything. She’d be no less of a valid romantic option for Steven regardless of age.

Spinel is several thousands of years old, and the movie explicitly shows us what exactly that amounts to for a gem.

As I mentioned earlier, Sugar sees the gems more like AI. Spinel remaining in one spot for several millennnia, not moving an inch, not speaking to anyone, not seeing anything other than a gradually-deteriorating garden... yeah, and somehow, despite all that, Spinel’s still very childlike per her design. She had literally no room to mature or accrue life experience: Pink Diamond basically hit the pause button on her entire life.

Even though she’s several thousands of years old, through no fault of her own, Spinel’s mindset remained unchanged. It wasn’t until Steven inadvertently came into her life that she became twisted - understandably so after finally realizing she’d been abandoned by Pink.

But she still didn’t completely lose her true self. Spinel realized on her own that Steven didn’t deserve to suffer just because his mom was a negligent asshole. She also came to understand on her own that unlike Pink, Steven truly cared for her no matter what shit she threw his way.

Steven could give Spinel the care and attention she always deserved; something Pink totally denied her while deceiving her into wasting away with her abandoned playground. He could be the one to give Spinel the love she always deserved but was either denied or manipulated into believing she got.

Honestly, this is more than enough to warrant building something more between these two.

The age gap is irrelevant. The two have chemistry. They aren’t related.

(and honestly, this is fiction - these details are largely irrelevant in fiction anyway. I’m only bringing it up because it doesn’t take much research to find that every label the antis put on Stevinel is complete inaccurate Diamond propaganda bullshit)

Stevinel is FINE. Let people ship it if they want to!

Um... is that good enough?

Honestly, I’m not gonna lie: Stevinel’s pretty goddamned popular; so much that I’m a bit jealous of it. I enjoy the ship a lot, but I’ve been keeping it at arms-length all this time. I’m looking forward to when I can write my own brand of Stevinel interaction when I get to introduce her in my series, but that’s still a while to go.

Also, there’s almost zero Peridot/Spinel material, let alone my Peridot/Steven/Spinel OT3. And Stevidot material is still hard to come by; I’m noticing Stevinel’s still quite a bit easier to find by comparison.

So in a way, I feel many other unpopular ships deserve some tea-spilling sooner than Stevinel because Stevinel at least still has a sizable fanbase. Same can’t really be said for a lot of similar ships here...

A lot of this can apply to other Steven x gem ships, honestly.

But I guess I haven’t been showing Stevinel much proper love due to my devotion to my superior SU-AU. I can only hope I can soon reach a point where I can have GA Spinel react to Steven, since their dynamic will be significantly different.

(and then one day I’ll finally make the Peridot/Steven/Spinel OT3 fic!!)

Until then, I can only hope I did Stevinel some justice here!

#answered asks #ryan-spinel #stevinel #stevidot #steven universe #spinel #su spinel #shipping #spill the tea #peridot #su peridot

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soulwillower · 4 years

Text

isn’t this easy?• bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader)

warnings: swearing, some angst, fluff, poorly written, unedited!!!

... idk what this is

[losers + reader are aged up to high school in this.]

2.2k words

♡

bill’s eye rolls were getting increasingly more aggressive and painful to watch as you and the losers sit in the clubhouse, silently eyeing the boy as he leans against a pole with his phone to his ear. on the other line, an upset voice spits words like “insensitive,” “asshole,” “stupid,” and “embarrassing” but bill says nothing back, sighs emitting slowly from worried down lips with a pained and embarrassed look.

bill was broke, and not in an economic sense as much as in his relationship. he’d never admit it to you up front, but he told eddie and ben three days ago that his girlfriend was taking so much more than she was giving. and its killing him.

its not like none of you noticed, it’s just that he’s still with her despite that that hurts you.

you cant help the twinge of anger that lights a fire deep within you; you open your mouth to question the berating insults that were just flying through his phone from the girls that was supposed to love him.

richie asks before you have a chance. “whats got your girl’s panties in such a twist, big bill?” mike chuckles and okay, not exactly the words you would have chosen, but the grimace and shrug bill responds with suggests the job was done either way.

“e-earlier today i m-made a thats wh-what she said j-joke.”

you blink and share a look with eddie before looking back in shock to bill. “and thats all? you got all of that just from a joke? what, was it bad?”

he shakes his head, “i th-thought it was funny. she and her boring flathead f-friends didnt. i’m in the d-doghouse, now.”

it’s quiet then, because all seven of you - and possibly bill himself - were all thinking it, but not even you or richie were bold enough to just say it. plus, bill could never betray the treatment that he’s always known, and it's killing you to watch him wilt under this girl. he gets this treatment from his parents and now his girlfriend, too. it hurts you everywhere.

and in the silence of the group, the sarcastic 'cheers' gesture that bill makes with his can of soda is a sad reminder that he’s going to stay true to the golden core that once defined a now-dying infatuation.

but you’re fairly certain that golden core started rotting the moment they’d met.

sometimes, when bill gets flashbacks or around the certain times that he cant help but stare forlornly at the empty room across his hall, he would call her.

she didn't get it, of course she didn't. she tried to help him the first few times, like a decent girlfriend - really, the bare minimum - but it got hard for her. or she didn't want that part of bill.

she only wanted the ‘good parts,’ you’d heard. but that doesn't make sense, because every part of bill is a good part.

she doesn't get him, she doesn't understand the depths of trauma and hurt that swirls slowly below the depths of his 6’1 frame - behind his smiles, his leadership, his kindness, cheer, and unsullied bravery and intuition.

the losers get it, you get it. because you were there along with him the whole time and though still none of you want to outright address it for fear of getting violently sick as you recall memories.

but you and bill can talk about it in a way that’s accessible for the two of you and it’s typically stuff that makes you laugh or makes you uncomfortable upon reflection, the fuzzy memories that get harder to recall the older you grow.

and because of that, more often than not you’ll get a text and then sit in your car down the block until you see her leave his house before sneaking to his room to comfort him and brush tears off his cheeks that roll down from both the petrifying fear of repressed memories along with the stinging pains of rejection from his disdainful girlfriend.

it was heartbreaking.

during those nights he tells you that he doesn't deserve someone like you and you think that’s absurd. but he also tells you how nice it is that you make him laugh when he knows he’s about to cry, and how you know exactly how he feels when those intrusive feelings get in the way and its almost too much. he says he loves you, and when you say it back it’s with a stabbing pain through your heart. because he loves you, but not in the same way.

and sure, you dream of the day where bill wakes up and realizes that holy shit, you’ve been in front of him the whole time. but even that isn’t as important as your longing for bill to wake up and see that he just deserves better than her.

you could give that to him, but even so, he just needs to get out of her talons because they were ripping him apart.

and when it had been a few days since you'd last gotten to see bill, you decided you needed to check in on him. out of childhood habit, you walked through the backyard and went to knock on the back door. but his figure is already there and before your fist can make a sound, the door slides open. “oh, hi.” you say, eyes wide, fist hovering above the empty space that once was bill’s sliding door.

bills green eyes swim with happiness and he gives you a tired smile, stepping out with you and giving you another glimmer of hope. “h-hey y/n, wh-what’s up?” he asks you, following you without question. you shrug, “wanted to go to the park. need to get away.” you explain, leaving out the 'you' at the beginning of your last sentence. he gives a blinding smile as he’s helping to lift you over his back fence. “g-good, i’ve been missing my g-girl lately.”

you think about those words the whole way to the park and they still make you smile as your legs brush against each other on the park bench. you can't help but watch him as he talks. the way his lips form words as he tries to force them out of his mouth, the embarrassed blush totally absent from his cheeks now that his girlfriend isn't around. he told you once with a grimace that she doesn't always love when he stutters.

you do, of course. you always love everything about bill.

and minutes later, when you crack a lewd joke, he looks shocked and unsurprised all at once that you can't help your stare as his green eyes flick around, checking if any kids at the park heard before looking to you. he tips his head back with a bright laugh, the melodic sound coaxing a laugh of your own from your lips. his arm casually comes to rest against the back of the bench as laughs still bubble from his cherry lips, his red hair glinting in the sun.

he looks at you and for the first time in months, he looks completely relaxed. “y/n!” he says, halfway between amusement and chastising, his lips still smiling. you smile back at him, holding his soft gaze as he shakes his head softly.

isnt this so easy?

you wonder briefly why it isnt easy like this with him and her.

because you just don’t get it. bill’s the kind of boy that everybody loves - very few people dislike him and if you discredit the psychopaths or lunatics that this town is riddled with, the people left are far and few between.

his girlfriend dislikes him now, though, and he dislikes her. but hes too nice to see that, because he just wants everyone around him to be happy even if its at his own expense.

and then two weeks after their phone call in the clubhouse, he showed up at your door with short breaths, stuttering words, and tears swimming in his eyes. it was one in the morning and he looked almost as bad as you’d seen him since that one summer back in middle school.

and when you were up in your room, he told you all about their breakup and how that itself didnt hurt, but what was killing him was how foolish he’d been to keep on dating a girl who didnt show him the kind of love he wanted.

he started to say something else, but stopped and you didn’t bring it up, as much as you wanted to.

bill was sleeping on rocks at home, spending sleepless nights thinking about where they’d stepped and the entire mess that had thankfully ended tonight. but he couldn’t sleep well and the evidence was right under his eyes.

so you’d let him stay with you, and he insisted on sleeping on the floor but you thought that was nonsense. he curled up with you on the bed and it was the best sleep the two of you ever had.

then it happened again a couple weeks after their break up. bill had run up to your front door and pounded on it until you begrudgingly answered. he'd woken you up, because it was seven in the morning and you gape at him - he looks like he's been up all night. "bill-" you start but he starts stuttering, talking a mile a minute as if he has to say something now or else he never could again.

the feeling of an empty pit in your stomach that wishes for a splash of light starts to grow as he looks at you almost warily. "y-y/n, i have to- just listen, p-please, because i n-need to a-ask you..."

you wait patiently, terrified because he looks like he might be sick, but he starts anyways. “y/n. you u-understand me, you always h-have...” he looks very anxious, and bill is rarely anxious so you start to panic. his next words are shocking.

“y/n, are y-you... are you in l-love with me?” he asks, and the air leaves your lungs. he’s watching you, looking torn, and it breaks your heart. it looks like he’s in pain and he looks so lost. you nod slowly, shrugging. “yeah, bill. i just- i cant help it.” you say, feeling defeated and somehow elated by your admission.

his eyes well with tears and he shakes his head. “im so s-s-sorry.” he whispers, voice cracking. it kills you. “i’m s-sorry, f-fuck.”

you’re scared and confused and deeply sorrowful as his words leave his lips. just because he doesn't love you back doesn't mean he has to be sorry about it at all.

it hurts you to think that a boy who gives so much love for everyone can be so lost and unsure with himself, feeling so undeserving of real love. “y-y/n, i'm s- i didnt kn-know. i d-didnt know, i'm so s-sorry.”

he's hysteric and your heart hurts as you realize he's sorry that you had to see him with his ex all the time and you shake your head. you’ve never seen bill like this before.

“bill, it's okay, i just want you to be happy, that’s all. i don't need you to- we dont have to-“

“-i don’t want to f-f-fuck it up w-with you, too. i’m s-scared.” he says softly, eyes bright and teary like summer grass after a long rain. his hands are shaking as he lifts them to rub at his tired eyes, lip quivering.

the world spins for both of you as you tentatively walk forward, grabbing his cheeks softly. theyre warm under your touch and when he looks down at you, the spinning stops.

“why do you think you could ever fuck it up with me?” you ask softly, genuinely curious as your heartbeat thumps against your chest. his eyes are closed, in either fear or regret.

“you couldn’t if you tried. i love ‘thats what she said’ jokes.” you say teasingly.

bill laughs wetly, his cheeks slightly squishing as his wide smile is obstructed by your soft hands. “i love y-you.” he says, eyes opening to stare at you seriously. you raise your eyes, surprised and elated at his words.

“you do?” you ask dumbly, hands falling from his face to his shoulders to steady yourself. “y-yeah, i do. i think i have for a r-really long t-time.” he says sheepishly with a smile.

you can’t help but let out a relieved laugh, your shoulders relaxing as he grins down at you with a look full of nothing but love.

“can i k-kiss you?” he whispers, hands sneaking to your cheek and neck. “please.” you say just as quietly, unable to wipe the smile from your face.

when he closes the gap, he tastes like salt but he kisses you softly with more intent and feeling than you ever thought possible.

his hands are gentle and rough all the same, kissing with wild fire and with calm waters. you feel pinned to earth and up in the clouds, his lips on yours and tongue swiping gently in your mouth. he’s smiling into your mouth, laughing gently with love as he pulls you closer, arms wrapping tightly around your middle.

the darkness that ached for the splash of light within you is completely gone now, replaced with glowing love, admiration for the boy that you’ve loved since middle school.

he belongs with you.

#bill denbrough x reader #losers club x reader #losers x reader

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years

Text

Give them what they want ch. 2

Jordan leaned against the gym lockers as she admired the swim team leaving the pool from their meet especially a cute boy that she suspected to be the son of Merida considering his wild curly red hair.

”Hey" Dina poked her side, "What are you looking at?" "Him" Jordan pointed at the red head and Dina mock-gasped "Are you trying to make your girlfriend jealous?"

"Girlfriend?" Jordan stuttered uncertainly. Ever since her break up with Pierce she had been determined to move on. Aziz kept telling her it was a bad idea to repress the event like it never happened.

But Jordan knew she was right. She had to deal that those kind of things would always happen to her so she might as well continue on with her life. After all her parents were able to do that just fine after centuries of abusive masters.

So she just tried to keep her mind occupied enough as not to let unsavory thoughts remind her. And that included dating. Few dates here and there, one night stands at the most. Then she met Dina.

Dina was bubbly and fun, a nymph and follower of Dionysus whose partying had disturbing similarities to her parents. (Not that she wanted to explore any more of that. She would leave those complexes to Oedipus.)

Her go with the flow attitude was so refreshing compared to the other classmates who were so concerned with their reputation. Royal or popularity-wise. So far, Dina had been casual during their dates so for her to mention that she was her girlfriend all of a sudden was surprising.

"Did I stutter?" Dina laughed, "I want you all to myself, babe."

"O-okay" Jordan pressed a kiss to her cheek. "So do you wanna go out tonight? I was thinking going to this new club run by Calix. You know, Circe's son. He said he would get us into the VIP room."

"Sure" Dina twirled a strand of her purple hair, "You know that dress you gave me yesterday would look so good on the dance floor."

Jordan bit her lip to keep from grimacing. As sweet as Dina was, she was about as subtle as a brick to the head in what she wanted. When Jordan had asked her out she saw Dina's eyes light up with the all so familiar gleam of a person that won the lottery and was thinking of all the things she could buy.

All through their date Dina kept mentioning how "cool" it would be to have her genie powers. Hinting at things she would like but didn't have money to buy. How nice Jordan was, that she was probably so generous.

Usually Jordan would have shut those hints down right away and ditch her date but that day she was tired of it. She was tired of fighting with people about getting wishes. Making a scene as she explained why she hated being objectified and how used she felt while the other person just yelled at how selfish she was. She was tired of people's nice acts stopping in a second flat when she refused. So she granted her wish. And the wish after that.

And the wish after that.

Okay, Dina may not be dating her because she had actual feelings or any interest of starting a romantic attraction. She wanted wishes like everybody else. But Jordan reasoned to herself it was better this way. She didn't have to have any high expectations or heartbreak that Dina only was sticking around for more wishes.

She knew what Dina really wanted and she was fine with it. In return she got some semblance of romance as Dina pretended she was dating her for any reason but wishes. She just gave the wish quickly and moved on.

"But.." Dina started "I was thinking I would look really cute in that kind of dress only in teal and possibly while in a limo. I mean I just got my license and I would really love to drive a limo first."

"Done" Jordan said quickly trying to make the whole talk of the wish of the day go as fast as possible. "I'll see you at your dorm later."

"You are the best girlfriend ever!" Dina squealed, kissing her passionately on the lips. Jordan gave a thin smile in return. Dina, she tried. She tried to play off hee wishes as nothing and then would start piling on the compliments and affection the rest of the day. Jordan secretly hated it. It was so fake. It made her feel cheap and undeserving.

"Jordan don't overthink it. Just let her do it." She told herself as Dina strutted away.

Sometimes it was okay when Dina did that even though she tried waaay too hard. The focus was always on how generous she was with her wishes, that she "spoiled" her, she was too good. If Jordan had a wish, she would wish that Dina's compliments would be based on something like her personality, maybe how hot she was. Yeah, how attractive she was, that would be nice.

"Jordan?" She heard the familiar huse, slightly nervous tone of Jane.

"Yeah" Jordan snapped out of her mental reverie.

"I saw what you did for Dina. Why?" Jane sidled closer to her so the few left in the deserted gym hallway would hear. Not that they would bother. If wishes and magic weren't being offered, students generally tend to ignore them.

Jordan decided to go for the usual direct approched. She didn't usually sugar-coat things but with Jae she was more honest than usual. At least she didn't have to lie through her teeth about how totally fine she was with the magic ban. Besides Jane had a way that seemed to see through your soul or at least pester you until she heard the truth. "She's dating me for wishes. I give them to her. Then she tells me how amazing and great I am."

Jane looked absolutely befuddled at her blunt answer. "But but you always said you hated that. People dating you for wishes I mean."

"Yeah, I still do." Jordan said simply, "But I can't stop that. So I decided to go with it. I mean at least I have the choice of who I give wishes too."

"But..but that's so unfulfilling." Jane murmered

Jordan was surprised that Jane hit what she had been feeling on the spot. She had been feeling unfulfilled. All the bitterness and hatred she felt with her failed relationships had transferred to this relationship. Instead of hating herself for being stupid enough to believe someone would date her for her. She hated herself for giving in juse so she could be "loved."

"Sometimes but you know, we do have some nice moments." Which was true. In between the complimenting for wishes, and giving wishes they did have fun together. They did danced and partied and acted like a couple before the moment was ruined by Dina's sudden need for a wish.

"You don't need a relationship to be happy. Especially since you don't even have feelings for each other." Jane said

"I know that. I know that I should live myself and be happy. But you of all people should know how hard it is to take your mom's advice to heart." Jane shrank a little and blushed in remembrance of her actions during Coronation.

Jordan crossed her arms, thinking to herself. It was hard to be happy with her when she sometimes wondered if the fact no one seemed to see past her powers was that there was nothing there. She was nothing special or pretty or interesting. Maybe even a horrible person. A horrible, slefish, bitchy person no would hang out with. That her powers were the only thing at all redeeming of her. That kept people from shunning her or from snubbing her. That maybe..she dared to think that even her own adopted family kept her around as an friend for just that reason.

"And I don't need a friendship to be happy either. It should all be myself. But know what? I want someone else. I actually want to have that fairy tale romance that this whole place I built on with dreams and rainbows but I know I will never have it. So Dina and I may not love each other. She may be totally usng me but at least in the way she is using me I can pretend she likes me."

"But" Jane stammered

"Yes pretend. In reality I will never get it but at least if I let my mind drift I can pretend that she actually means what she is saying. Pretend she loves me. It's just so simple. It is so small. Everyone seems to have it but me."

"You can't substitute reality." Jane protested, eve the voice of reason.

"Jane, why are you being so unreasonable about this? Let me be! Let me be in my lying illusional bubble of happiness and pretend." Jordan hissed "Let me be happy for once."

"Jordan I don't think this will help at all in the long run. You'll just be unhappy and bitter."

"I'm already unhappy and bitter!" She snapped "I've stopped being truely content a long time ago. It's all lies but trust me, it is better."

"Nothing could be better than this. I understand what it's like that no one seems to see you beyond.." Jane began but Jordan put a hand up to interrupt her.

"You. Don't. Understand." Jordan annunciated, a habit when seething. "You barely knew or used you your powers since the VKs came. I've been dealing with this my whole life. And I am going to deal with it for the rest of eternity. We are not at all on the same level. You never will understand what it feels like when everyone asks for a wish before asking my name. You will never understand the pain of people insulting and rejecting and abandoning you at every turn that I don't give them what they want.“

“You don't understand how much I hate myself for giving in. How much I hate being needy enough to want to be complimented and kissed. You don't understand the exhaustion that no matter what other accomplishments I do no will see past my powers. And you especially don't understand the nightmares and the pain of someone using your own powers against you. And you should pray that you never will because I will tell you. It feels like they are trying to rip out your powers and mesh them for their own use. You will never feel that utter despair and brokenness and know that it will not be the only or the last time you'll feel it. Nor the haunting thoughts of when and who might do it next.”

So my reality is bitter. My reality is unhappy. I know my relationship is a utter lie. That it will be short and end with another one testifying my selfishness and how unreasonable I am about one simple wish. Those "teensy weensy" wishes that just only further prove that I am nothing. I'm just an wishing credit card to be desired and objectified. I'm not human. I don't have feelings."

"Jordan.. I.. maybe you should talk to.." Jane attempted to say something else. Perhaps take her to the guidance counselor or her mom.

"Spare me. I'm fully aware of what's happening and the state of our relationship and my own desperation. Don't pity me. And don't bother trying to fix it. There is no use. Accept it. I have."

All there was left to do was listen to Dina's sweet nothings and pretend that there was a possibility for her to live happily ever after.

#disney descendants #jane #daughter of fairy godmother #jordan #my fanfic #my fanfiction #give them what they want #chapter two

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