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cyhyr · 11 months

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There's Happiness Here, Chapter Three

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/OFM, Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Minor or Background Relationship(s)

WC: ~8935

Warnings: Choose Not to Warn (Because I don’t know yet what I will need to warn for)

Additional Tags: One Night Stands, Accidental Pregnancy, Identity Issues, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Unrequited Crush, Co-Parenting, Hatake Kakashi is Not Okay, but he’s doing his best, Cheating, Minor Character Death, Endgame KakaIru, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Hatake Kakashi-centric, One-Sided Relationship

A/N: I'm Alive! It only took mentally checking out of my job and deciding that work is the ideal place to write to get me to finish this chapter lol I didn't achieve everything I wanted to cover in this chapter, but it was already getting so long so I decided to stop and save it for the next one. Hopefully Chapter Four won't take (checks when I last updated) seven months to finish.

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Kakashi paces around the nursery, bouncing his son gently in his arms and patting his back. Ren grizzles tiredly, but Kakashi shushes him and tries some more to get the little boy to settle. He glances at the clock; just about one o’clock in the morning. Kakashi’s no stranger to sleep deprivation, but there’s something different about this kind of situation, of knowing that there’s every chance that Ren could sleep for only ten or twenty minutes before waking up again.

That’s what the books say, at least. It hasn’t happened yet. Actually, Ren has been very good about sleeping between two and three hours at a time, which is what the doctor said was right on target for a three-week-old infant.

Ren finally closes his eyes and gives one last sleepy whimper, and then Kakashi feels his body go lax in his arms. He doesn’t stop pacing for another five minutes or so, before going over to the crib and gently laying the baby down. He stays leaning against the crib rail for a few moments longer, watching his son sleep in the deep hours of the night.

Getting to experience this little miracle is worth the sleeplessness. He only wishes Minato, Rin, Obito, or even his father could be here with him.

“Kakashi-kun?”

“Yes?”

“Ren needs his diapers washed. I’ll fold and put them away, but could you…?”

Kakashi nods. “Does he have any clean ones left? Is it an emergency?”

Shizukana hums. “I think he’s down to four clean ones.”

He goes and gets started right away. If Ren does one thing well at nearly two months old, it’s soil his diapers. They go through clean ones so quickly, Kakashi has almost considered purchasing more for the changing table. Shizukana tells him not to, though, that he won’t need as many changes as he gets older and so the extra diapers will be a waste.

Regardless, he is pre-washing shit off of the dirty diapers in the bathroom when he hears Ren wake up crying in the nursery. He nearly drops what he’s doing and goes to his son when he hears Shizukana coming up the stairs, saying, “I’ve got him!”

He relaxes and goes back to the pile of diapers.

Shizukana told him to go and take some time out of the house, and so Kakashi is sitting on a tree branch in the park waiting for the three hours that she asked for to pass so he can go home and play with Ren again. He’s finally getting to the point where he can interact with toys and books, albeit slowly, and Kakashi finds himself delighted by each new discovery his son makes.

He’s been staring at the same page in his book for almost half an hour when Iruka happens to wander by and slump down onto the bench just below his branch. What a happy coincidence—

Except, Iruka doesn’t look particularly happy at all.

“Yo, Sensei,” Kakashi says, hopping down to stand in front of Iruka. Somehow, he manages to startle Iruka, making him jump just the tiniest bit before sighing.

“Kakashi-san, I didn’t see you,” he says. “I’m sorry. Are you having some baby-free time?”

Kakashi chuckles and shrugs. “At the demands of my co-parent, yes. She said I was hovering, that she wanted some time with just her and Ren.”

Iruka cracks a smile. “Somehow, I can see you being the hovering type.”

“I will take that as a compliment,” Kakashi grins. He watches as Iruka’s smile slowly fades and he becomes more thoughtful, staring at the ground between them. “Is something troubling you, Iruka?”

“Oh! No, nothing you need to concern yourself with!” Iruka waves his hands frantically. “I’m just thinking, and it’s a bit heavy, but really, I’ll figure it out.”

Kakashi hums. “If your thoughts are heavy, it’s best to let someone else help with them. If you feel like talking, I’ll listen.” He sits beside Iruka and stretches his arm out along the back of the bench, and if that happens to put his hand within reach of Iruka’s nape, well… that certainly wasn’t his intention. He sits there and waits until Iruka decides whether or not to say anything.

And eventually, he lets it all out.

Gods, has it really been that long? Is Naruto already eight years old, that Iruka would have him in his Academy class? Minato and Kushina have really been gone for eight years.

And Iruka doesn’t want to teach the jinchūriki. He’s having a hard time separating the boy from the Fox. He’s trying, he’s trying so hard, to look at his student and see anything other than the creature that killed his parents, among so many others…

“I don’t think I can do it,” Iruka sighs. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be a teacher after all. Mizuki was right—”

“I think, of everyone in this Village, if anyone can reach Naruto, it’s you.” Kakashi sighs, wishing things were different, that Yondaime hadn’t died, that Kushina hadn’t lost control of the Kyūbi, that Sandaime hadn’t put a taboo on speaking about the circumstances of Naruto’s birth. “Actually, if anyone’s to reach Naruto, I really, truly hope that it’s you.”

“What—Why?!”

“Because you’re kind. And, gods, does he need that kindness, after the hate the Village has raised him with.”

Iruka turns to face him, slack-jawed and incredulous, and Kakashi gives him a soft smile in return.

“You would be good for each other, I think.” Kakashi feels a wave of melancholy as he continues, “if he’s anything like his parents, I think you could truly help him in so many ways. And don’t think I don’t notice that you need someone to dote upon.”

Iruka scoffs, but it turns into a laugh. “‘Dote’? Really? I have Mizuki, y’know—”

Kakashi shrugs. “And yet, my point stands.”

They sit together quietly for a little while, until Iruka sighs and stands up. “Thanks, Kakashi. I… I still don’t feel particularly ready to teach him, or to be around him, but I will do my best to try.”

“By even trying, you’re already doing better than the majority of the Village,” Kakashi murmurs. “I need to get home. My three hours away are almost up.”

Ren’s favorite place to fall asleep is on Shizukana’s chest, specifically when she’s rocking him in the nursery with the curtains closed. After the first feed of the day, some tummy time—as Shizukana calls it—and a chance to stop and slowly move through a board book so that Ren can truly take in and look at the pictures, she and Ren tend to rock and rock and rock. One of Kakashi’s favorite places is the doorway of the nursery, just to watch her and Ren rocking. He leans on the doorframe and smiles as she sings to him, some kind of lullaby that he doesn’t recognize.

Then again, Sakumo wasn’t the type to sing to Kakashi, nor was Kakashi the type to sit still and let himself be lulled in such a way.

She smiles back at him from across the room and pauses in her song. She wouldn’t do that if Ren weren’t already asleep. Kakashi watches her shuffle him in her arms so that her hand is free to sign, “Need rest. Can you take a watch?”

Kakashi nods and signs back, “Want me to take him?”

Shizukana shakes her head, and stands up, moving to lay Ren down in the crib. He continues to watch them both while she strokes his face a little bit to get him to settle back down, and then moves aside so that she can leave the room and close the door behind her. Kakashi stops it from fully closing, so that he can better hear when Ren wakes up.

She whispers, “He’s been up since three-thirty this morning.”

Kakashi winces. Infants shouldn’t be awake for more than six hours, let alone closer to ten. “I’m sorry,” he matches her volume. “I’ll wake you for dinner?”

“Yes, please. Thank you, Kakashi-kun,” she says, and leans up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

He lets her, doesn’t flinch away. It doesn’t bother him like it would have a few months ago.

The summer ends and Kakashi has to return to active duty. He spends his last night off-duty holding and rocking Ren as much as possible; Shizukana smiles at them from the door whenever she passes by, and doesn’t once stop him from doting on his son or ask him to let her hold him instead. Kakashi passes him off only a couple times throughout the day, either to eat or use the restroom, but other than that he spends the whole day with Ren, memorizing his weight and his giggle. He reads story after story, plays with each and every rattle and twisting toy they have.

It’s not enough.

Four months is not enough time to have with his son.

The summons come early the next morning, before dawn, and Kakashi is pleased that the operative taps lightly on the window of the nursery, where he is standing over his son’s crib watching him sleep. He waves the operative inside, and they carefully lift the window and creep in to stand beside him. Weasel slowly takes off his mask and smiles down at Ren.

Kakashi whispers, “Do you like children, Itachi-kun?”

Itachi nods. “I remember when my brother was this small, taichou. I hope, someday, I can also have a son as sweet as yours.”

He preens inwardly, and then steps back from the crib. “You have orders?”

“Yes,” Itachi puts his mask back on, and Weasel continues. “A Meet and Greet with Ishigakure. We’re to meet atop the Hokage Tower at 0600 for further instruction.”

Kakashi hums his understanding. “Let me gear up and let Shizukana know I’ll be gone. Do we have a time estimate?”

“No, taichou.”

Ah, well. Kakashi waves Weasel away, back out the window, and goes to put on his ANBU armor. He peeks in on Shizukana, sleeping peacefully in her own room, and decides to instead leave her a note on her nightstand.

And before he leaves, he leans over the side of the crib and pulls down his mask, giving Ren a quick kiss on his little forehead. “Be good for your mother, please,” he whispers, and then he steps out through the window and runs to the Tower to meet his team.

For the first time since entering ANBU, Kakashi proceeds through the mission with a healthy measure of caution. Of course he looks out for his subordinate, but this time he also doesn’t take any unnecessary risks himself.

Anytime he thinks about doing something remotely reckless, he remembers his son waiting for him at home, and it quells the urge immediately.

The mission is completed, and he and Weasel head home.

He enters back into mission rotation, retains a team he hand-selects who all work well together. When he’s in the Village, he trains with his team on twelve-hour shifts, and the rest of the time he spends at home watching Ren grow.

When he’s in the field, Hound takes charge of the team and commands them with a firm hand. After three months back in rotation, not one single person from Team Hound has suffered a major injury. Minor scrapes and bruises are healed easily with standard-issue balms and chakra-infused bandages, and only once did Owl get hurt badly enough to warrant a night’s rest on the trail home, but she was fine by morning with Otter’s medical expertise.

Kakashi reminds his team, every time they go out into the field, to remain vigilant; that just because they’ve had a good streak, doesn’t mean their luck won’t spontaneously run out. They all understand how serious he is about this, and the only one who will even slightly joke about being reckless is Otter.

Cat is very quick to nudge Otter with his elbow to have them be quiet, to save their jokes for the trail.

The first flurries of winter have dusted the ground outside when Kakashi comes home from another mission. He slides in through his own bedroom window, removes his armor and locks away his weaponry, and then grabs a towel to go and shower off the grime of travel. Normally he would do this at the ANBU barracks, but today he’s just sweaty, as his mission had been simple reconnaissance and he hadn’t battled anyone at all.

He barely makes it to the bathroom, though, before hearing Shizukana call out to him from the nursery. “Kakashi-kun? Are you home?”

He sighs. “Yes, I’m going to shower and then I’ll check in with Ren.”

She squeals, and the door flings open. She lights up when she sees him, and his stomach drops to notice it; but she goes on and says, “Come here first, please! It’s important, I promise, and you don’t wanna miss it!”

Kakashi follows her back into the nursery, feeling like she might be overreacting—

Ren is sitting on the floor beside the crib, kicking at a small pile of toys around him and blowing bubbles. He looks up when Shizukana and Kakashi enter the room and smiles like the sun is out, then turns around and grabs onto the crib, pulls himself up onto his feet, and then tries to take an independent step towards them both.

Shizukana cries and coos, “Oh! His first steps! I just wanted to show you that he was beginning to cruise!”

Kakashi watches his son take one step, then two, and then fall forward flat on his face. Neither he nor Shizukana are close enough to catch him, nor do they react in time to stop it from happening. Ren lifts his little head and wails, and Shizukana immediately goes to pick him up and comfort him, rubbing his nose and face and making shushing noises to try and calm him down. Kakashi, instead, remains still.

His son just walked. At… eight months? It feels too early. His son was born only eight months ago. Surely he’s still too little to be walking, yet!

“Kakashi-kun!”

“Yes?”

Shizukana sighs. “He took a hard fall. I have to take him to the hospital to get checked over. Could you hold him for a minute while I get changed?”

Kakashi takes his son, and then says, “No need.” He steps over to the window, opens it, and makes Otter’s call whistle. He steps back a bit, just in time for Otter to flicker into place at their windowsill. Shizukana gasps, startled, but Kakashi gives her little attention and motions for Otter to come inside.

“Aww,” Otter says, slipping through the window. “Is this little Ren? He’s got a pair of lungs on him, huh?”

“He took a tumble and landed on his face. Could you give him a once-over, please?”

Otter nods. “Sure, sure. Babies aren’t my thing, usually, but anything for this little one.” Otter hovers a glowing green palm over Ren’s face and throat, using their other hand to lift up their mask so that Ren can see their face. They grin down at the baby, and ask Kakashi, “How’d he fall?”

“He was trying to walk and tripped.”

“Oh? Walking doesn’t usually start until eleven months. I thought the Hatake baby was about eight or nine…?”

“Eight. And yes, that’s what I thought as well.”

“Well, he is certainly Hatake,” Otter chuckles. Ren’s cries die down until he is only barely sniffling, and then Otter says, “There you go, Ren-kun! All better! You did so well!”

“Any breaks?”

“Nah, just a little bump on his nose,” Otter says, poking Ren on the very tip of his nose and making the little boy giggle through his drying tears. “It likely just startled him more than anything. Although, seriously, with babies you can never be too careful. If he had fallen backwards, definitely call any medic on duty, not just me, okay? That can get real serious real quick. But this time, his little tiny hands likely slowed his fall just enough that he didn’t get injured,” Otter finishes, reaching for and lightly grabbing Ren’s hands and waving them in time as they spoke. Ren giggles some more.

Otter steps back with a smile. “I gotta get back on my patrol. See ya, taichou.”

Kakashi nods. “Thank you, Otter.”

They replace the mask over their face and slide back out into the Village.

Shizukana, at the door, seems to finally unclench. “What the fuck was that?!”

Kakashi blinks at her and asks, “What was what?”

“That—you—you can’t just—!” She groans and stomps across the room and takes Ren from his arms, fussing over him and curling herself around him. “Does that ANBU even know how to treat children? Does she—”

“They,” Kakashi instantly corrects her.

“—have any experience with children?! How can we trust her diagnosis and—”

“Their.”

Shizukana scowls. “Stop interrupting me!”

“Stop misgendering them,” Kakashi says firmly. “Otter—Awaki Rakko is their name—is a medic on my team. They’re one of the most accomplished medics of our generation, and yes, they do have experience with children, as they have three much younger siblings. You have knowingly trusted them with my life for months now, I should think that we can trust them with Ren’s face in a moment such as this.”

Shizukana’s scowl deepens. “You can’t make those kinds of decisions unilaterally without discussing them with me first,” she says lowly. “This is my son, and I—”

“He is our son,” Kakashi corrects her again, “and I have just as much say in his healthcare as you do. I trust Otter inexplicably, and I should hope that you could extend that trust to me if not to them.”

Ren sucks on his thumb, leaning on Shizukana’s shoulder. Kakashi waits for the tension to ease, secure in his stance that he did the right thing for Ren.

She eventually sighs. “She—Sorry, they just startled me, I think. And… I’m sorry, Kakashi-kun, but I grew up very sheltered. Rakko-chan is a friend of yours?”

He frowns. “In a sense, yes. Rakko is a trusted ally. Any of the ANBU are, but particularly those on my own squad have a loyalty to me, personally. I’ve worked with Rakko for a couple of years now, and I would trust them not only with my own life—which I have, on multiple occasions—but with yours and Ren’s lives as well.”

“Then… okay. I’ll… I’ll try to do better by th-them. For you, Kakashi-kun.”

Kakashi nods. As long as she can try, for Ren’s sake, he’ll accept it. He ruffles Ren’s hair as he passes them to go and finally take his shower.

Kakashi stops counting the months as part of the year, but as pieces of Ren’s life that have passed. Ren is nine months old, and that means it’s almost March. He’s so small, and yet he manages to get into everything that isn’t locked away or put up high. Kakashi consults with Shikaku on what to do to stop Ren from getting at something that could hurt him, but the older man just chuckles.

“Kakashi, if a baby wants to get something, only their height and physicality will stop them. You can’t reason with a baby. Save that sort of thing for when he’s two or three and can understand the concept of no.”

He spends a weekend with Shizukana Ren-proofing their house, particularly the living room, nursery, and kitchen, where Ren spends the majority of his time. He’s fairly certain it’s not perfect, but he gets down on his hands and knees and crawls around at Ren’s height to see what else they could do to prevent their son from getting into trouble once he decides to try walking again.

Shizukana is happy with their work, and makes a nice dinner for them to share. They trade off turns feeding Ren, back and forth until more rice is in his stomach than is in his hair. Kakashi offers to clean up from dinner if Shizukana would like to give Ren a bath and get him ready for bed.

“Thank you, Kakashi-kun,” she smiles. “Would you like to join us for a story in a little while?”

He hesitates. Listening to a children’s story sounds awful, to be honest, but if it gives him more time with Ren… “That sounds fine. I’ll be upstairs in fifteen minutes.” “Perfect!” She gathers the sticky, rice-covered baby, and leans up to kiss Kakashi on the cheek. He lets her, again, but doesn’t let her linger like she clearly wants to.

He makes quick work of the kitchen and dishes, sweeps and mops the floor underneath Ren’s chair, all the while listening to Ren’s sweet laughter echoing from the bathroom just above him. Gods, he loves this boy with everything he is, but he just… he can’t find that same affection for Shizukana.

He’s not stupid. He knows that she’s infatuated with him, that their living together fulfills a fantasy in her mind. At some point he needs to sit down with her and reiterate that they are co-parents and roommates, nothing more. And this talk needs to happen sooner rather than later, before she forces his hand in such a way that ends up with her hurt. He likes having her here; the company is, strangely, nice, and it’s much easier to protect both his son and his son’s mother when they live in the same house as Kakashi.

He turns the water off and puts the last dish on the rack to dry, and is heading upstairs just as Shizukana is calling down to him that they’re ready for storytime.

Kakashi turns into the nursery and grins as Ren crawls over to him and uses his trousers to pull himself up to standing. He uses one hand to hold on and with the other makes a grabbing motion upwards and a giggle-grunt-cry. Kakashi leans down and picks Ren up, sighing as his son snuggles into his neck and coos at him. He sits down on the floor in front of Shizukana’s rocking chair, and places Ren on his lap so they can both listen to the story.

Ren is very good at sitting still for stories, especially when he lets Ren hold onto one of his fingers and chew on another. He’s starting to cut teeth, which is good for his development but must be hell on Shizukana’s attempts to continue to breastfeed him. How long does a baby need breastmilk, anyway? He’s already eating solids and drinking watered down juice with meals.

Shizukana makes odd sounds that have Ren giggling, moves the book around from side to side and up and down to have him follow it, all the while reading the book upside-down and backwards so that Ren can see the pictures the whole time. Kakashi does his best to follow her lead and also interact with him in the same way, leaning him to each side and bouncing him in his lap in time to the rhythm of the words. Ren seems to enjoy his efforts, and Shizukana grins at him from above the book.

“The end! Okay Little Man, time for bed!”

Ren flops around and giggles as he tries to “hide” under Kakashi’s arm. He and Shizukana play peek-a-boo around Kakashi’s limb for a minute or so until she scoops him up out of Kakashi’s lap and nuzzles him. Kakashi stands up and waits for her to place Ren in his crib, and then he leans over and runs his fingers through his son’s hair.

“Good night, Ren,” he says softly.

Ren babbles back at him. There are no discernable words yet, but it can’t be long, now… right?

Kakashi blinks at his assignment for the day, and looks up at Hawk for clarification. “What is this about?”

Hawk shrugs. “The jinchūriki has a new adult he’s latched onto, and Umino doesn’t seem to mind. Hell, from what I’ve seen, he’s encouraging it.”

“And we don’t trust Umino to keep himself safe?”

“Umino’s a chūnin,” he scoffs. “And not even an active duty one at that. Heard he was too soft for missions.”

Kakashi frowns. Iruka has his faults, but Sandaime has since entrusted a class of students to him, and the Village’s children are its prized possession. Sure, the Academy is staffed with chūnin, but they’re all very skilled chūnin; a few in particular he’s run missions with as ANBU alternates. The chūnin of the Academy are those who could test for tokujō or jōnin, but refuse to do so; either because they enjoy teaching or because Sandaime knows that if they were to rank up the Village would place them in the field, away from where they are most useful.

He leaves his gear and mask in his locker and heads out in his jōnin uniform. There’s every chance that Iruka already knows that he has a revolving guard, but if Kakashi has to spend the next twelve hours around him, he’d rather Iruka be fully aware of it. He makes his way across the Village quickly, landing silently on Iruka’s balcony at precisely 0630 for the hand-off. Kakashi nods and waves to Cobra up in the trees overlooking the building, and then walks around to the front door and knocks.

Through the door, he hears some grumbling and stumbling, and a very faint, “Naruto, stop leaving your stuff in the hall!” He can’t help the grin that comes with the understanding behind that statement, and is still smiling faintly when Iruka opens the door.

“Oh, Kakashi-san,” he says, startled. “It’s a bit early for a visit.”

Kakashi’s smile falters. “Is your heat not working?”

“Huh?” Iruka fiddles with the sleeves on his shirt. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I haven’t changed yet, actually, and I just like to sleep warmly. Is there something I can help you with?”

Kakashi shrugs. “I’m actually your guard for today.”

Iruka sighs. “Ah.” He steps aside to let Kakashi in, and more quietly continues, “the other ANBU are really good at what they do, truly, I just—”

“You’ve been vigilant,” Kakashi says. “It’s perfectly fine. We don’t tend to hide inside the Village, so that the citizens know what we look like and can tell the difference between an enemy and friendly ANBU.” Iruka’s apartment is cozy, lived-in and slightly chaotic in a way that suggests a child lives here.

“Right. Um, do you need anything from me today, or just…?”

“You can go about your normal routine,” Kakashi says. “I just felt odd tailing a friend for twelve hours without at least telling you that I’ll be doing so. If you’d rather I leave you alone, I can absolutely do that instead—”

“Oh, it’s fine! Whatever works best for you!” Iruka grins. “Ah, make yourself comfortable, I need to finish getting ready. And getting Naruto ready,” he adds as an afterthought, walking down the hallway to the bedrooms. He gives the second bedroom door a knock as he passes it, and then disappears into the main bedroom.

Kakashi takes the chance to look around a bit more. There’s a bookshelf of old scrolls and texts along one wall, and beside it another bookshelf of casual reading books and fiction novels, some of which he recognizes. He takes one of the scrolls off of the shelf and tries to unroll it, but it’s sealed tight and keyed to a specific chakra flow. Curious, he thinks, as he sets it back in its place.

The casual books are of a wider variety, ranging from simplistic children’s stories at the bottom of the shelf, to a small collection of non-fiction cooking and gardening books around waist-height, and at the very top Kakashi finds two pristine adult novels—Icha Icha Innocence, and the other of a similar genre, but from a different author. Kakashi flicks through Icha Icha Innocence, but the spine is stiff and the pages are still thick and stick together a bit. Iruka has never read it, which is fine because he really should read the other two in the series first.

“Iruka-sensei says those books aren’t for company.”

He turns and blinks hard. Gods, but Naruto looks so much like Minato, and yet he has that sweetness to his face that Kushina always had. The boy stands at the cusp of the hallway and the living room, scowling with his hands on his hips; in this way, he almost looks like Iruka, trying to be stern. Kakashi has to remind himself not to laugh.

The book goes back up on the shelf. “Certainly not for children,” Kakashi agrees.

“Who’re you?” Naruto asks.

“A friend of your sensei’s.”

“Why are you here so early?”

“Visiting with a friend and making plans for the day.”

He narrows his eyes. “Why do you smell like dog?”

Kakashi chuckles. “You can smell me from across the room? I’m impressed.”

Naruto opens his mouth to ask something else, but from down the hall Iruka calls, “Naruto, stop bothering Kakashi and go make yourself breakfast.” He grumbles a bit, but trudges off to the kitchen anyway. Iruka emerges from his bedroom, and Kakashi catches a glimpse of another figure rummaging around in the room before the door closes behind him.

Ah, yes; the boyfriend. Tanaka Mizuki. There are some… interesting theories, within the daily guard reports, regarding Iruka’s long-term boyfriend. Kakashi’s in no position to speculate, today, though.

Iruka grins as he passes, still tying up his hair as he walks to the kitchen. “Would you like breakfast as well, Kakashi-san?”

“No, thank you. I have to remain alert in case of emergency,” he explains quietly, so as not to disturb Naruto. Although, with the gusto and decibel that Naruto eats, it’s unlikely he would hear anything unless it’s shouted directly into his ears. He stands guard by the window while Iruka grabs himself something to eat, and stiffens when he hears footsteps coming down the hallway from the bedroom—

And then he remembers to relax, that he’s to respond to threats from outside the home, threats that could ultimately harm Naruto. Unless Mizuki makes a move against the jinchūriki, or Iruka makes a formal report, he’s well within his rights to do whatever he’d like behind closed doors.

Mizuki stops in the doorway of the kitchen and gives Kakashi a nasty look—curled lip, narrowed eyes, twitched hands and stiffened shoulders. He makes his way over to Iruka and wraps his arms around his waist from behind. Kakashi picks up the whisper Mizuki hisses into Iruka’s ear with a little bit of chakra flow to enhance his own hearing; “What the fuck is Hatake doing here?”

Iruka answers back softly, “Naruto needs a guard. Please don’t do anything rash.”

“I’ll do what I like,” Mizuki murmurs, and nips Iruka’s ear. Kakashi groans inwardly and turns aside, turning his gaze back to Naruto.

Iruka weaves his way out of Mizuki’s arms and asks Naruto, “Are you ready to go?”

Naruto nods and runs off down the hall, and comes back quickly with a small backpack on his shoulders. “Ready!”

Mizuki spins Iruka around and kisses him, and Kakashi herds Naruto out of the room and shoos him to the genkan to put his sandals on. He stays just outside the kitchen so he can still respond to any emergencies, but his stomach turns to hear Mizuki and Iruka making out less than three meters away. It’s awful, but it’s part of the job. Maybe something will attack and Kakashi can get Iruka and Naruto out and leave Mizuki to it.

They eventually leave, and Kakashi walks beside Iruka as Naruto runs ahead through the streets happily. He says nothing else to Iruka the whole way to the Academy, but cannot help his smile whenever Iruka calls out, “Naruto, too far,” or, “Naruto, back here please.” It’s how he imagines Minato would have spoken to the boy, and he’s glad that Iruka managed to open his heart in this way.

Kakashi can’t help but notice how well Ren cruises around his nursery, walking on steady, firm feet and strong legs. And yet, his son refuses to try to walk on his own again.

He’ll cry and reach for his parents, begging to be carried everywhere. Shizukana coddles him, of course; Kakashi is certain she doesn’t notice that Ren is perfectly able to walk, he just seems to not want to. Not that Kakashi himself is complaining, either.

Anything to give him an excuse to cuddle his son is a good thing. He might find himself concerned with Ren’s development if this persists, but the way that Ren gives him sloppy kisses on his cheek and neck after he picks him up can’t be a bad thing for now.

Kakashi is asleep in the nursery, his arm hanging over the side of Ren’s crib and his hand laying atop his son’s tiny back. He’s been drooling on his arm for some time, his mask pooled around his throat with his face turned away from the window. It’s certainly not a comfortable position to sleep in, but better than not sleeping at all due to a screaming, crying baby.

He snaps to instant alertness at the warming of his ANBU tattoo on his arm. A quick glance out the window shows shadows leaping across the rooftops in the barest light of early morning; hell, most people would still consider this nighttime. All of them are heading towards the same place—the Uchiha Compound.

Kakashi’s not allowed there. The Uchiha were gracious enough to let him keep Obito’s eye, but refused further contact or training in its usage.

The tattoo begins to burn, and the Village’s chakra alarms trigger. Konoha is locked down.

Kakashi scoops up Ren as carefully as he can, swaddling him as he walks down the hall to Shizukana’s room. She’s awake now and mostly alert, woken by the chakra alarms. “Kakashi—”

He places Ren into her arms. “Downstairs, now.”

“What’s going on?”

“I have to go, and you need to stay,” Kakashi says as he makes hand-seals and summons his pack. The dogs appear alert and ready for orders, immediately reading Kakashi’s emotional state and how agitated his chakra is. He sends Urushi and Guruko upstairs to gather his gear, Akino and Shiba to go ahead and report in for him, and Uhei and Bull outside to patrol the fenceline.

“Pakkun, Bisuke, you two will stay with Shizukana and keep her and Ren safe,” Kakashi says, lifting up a trapdoor in the kitchen. Bisuke hops down first and sniffs around, and Kakashi looks at her expectantly.

She shakes her head. “When did you have that installed?”

“Not important right now,” he says. “Please, something attacked a clan tonight. I have to go. Go down there, stay hidden and stay safe, until I come back or I send someone to collect you.”

“I could just go to my parent’s!”

“Shizukana,” Kakashi snaps. “This is not a time to argue. Ren is a clan child. A clan was attacked. I will explain anything you wish to ask of me, later. But please, for now, I need you to simply do as I say and protect our child.”

She hangs her head and noses at Ren’s hair. The baby is still sleeping. “How.. will I know it is you? Or someone you’ve sent?”

Kakashi thinks, and then whispers in her ear, barely speaking at all, “The password is Whirlpool.”

Shizukana nods, kisses his cheek, and then carefully hops down into the hole, using chakra to cushion her landing so that Ren wouldn’t wake. Pakkun nods to him, and then follows her down. Kakashi waits until they have a lamp turned on, and then closes the trapdoor and covers it with the mats. Turning around, Urushi and Guruko stand at attention in the doorway to the kitchen with all of his ANBU gear, and he’s quick to change and equip himself properly, rote and habit pushing him through where his hands want to stop and shake.

He doesn’t want to leave Ren.

Ren is as well-protected as he can be.

And yet, he doesn’t want to leave Ren.

But he has a duty to the Village.

“Ready, Boss?” Guruko asks.

Kakashi hesitates once more. “Urushi, stay behind and guard the house with Bull and Uhei. Guruko, with me.”

Then, he bolts off into the dawn to learn what happened to the Uchiha.

The Village remains quiet and on lockdown for almost a month following the Massacre, with only select teams being allowed to leave and come back. Kakashi’s squad is on Bunk, as Itachi was part of his squad, and so his whole squad is under investigation while each member is individually vetted and cleared for duty. Kakashi volunteers to undergo Yamanaka interference first, as the squad Captain, and ends up bedridden for the following day and a half to recover from the interrogation.

Inoichi is good at what he does, but he’s certainly not gentle.

It’s while he’s resting and recovering, and stuck at home for the month, that Shizukana decides to put Ren on more and more solids and to supplement with formula and milk instead of breastfeeding. Kakashi asks her once, and she blushes and says, “Well, I know that breastfeeding is supposed to help you… y’know, lose the baby weight, but I need to be able to start getting back into fighting shape! And I can’t do that with, um,” she grabs her chest and shrugs, giggling lightly.

Kakashi then blushes lightly, nods, and leaves her to it. Ren is close to a year old now, and it’s almost time that he’s weaned anyway.

The Hokage calls for him one day, and he sighs and contemplates getting geared up in ANBU armor before going if only so he doesn’t have to come home before leaving again. In the end, though, he simply leaves in his regular jōnin uniform, because he wants the excuse to return home and see Ren again before going out.

Sandaime is on the roof of the Tower when he gets there, smoking his pipe and looking out over the Village. “Come, beside me, Kakashi.”

Kakashi comes to stand almost beside him, although he does maintain a respectful distance and a step behind. But Sandaime waves him forward, “Closer, closer. This talk is nothing bad, I assure you.”

He clamps down on his chakra, ready to spike in his anxiety, and steps forward to stand beside Sandaime.

“I’ve been Hokage for a long time now, Kakashi. And I’ve seen many things, heard many different pleas from friends and family members of my ninja. Yet, what I was asked today is something different from much of what I’ve experienced.”

Kakashi stands still, waiting for the old man to go on, because he knows he will, eventually. Indeed, he needed to only stop for a puff of his pipe before he continues, “My son, Asuma, and two of his friends, Gai and Kurenai, came before me today, on your behalf. They have pleaded with me to remove you from ANBU.”

Silently, Kakashi berates his friends for getting involved. What could they say to Sandaime to convince him that Kakashi himself couldn’t—?

“They say that, if Itachi couldn’t make it in ANBU for a year without breaking, what’s to stop you from breaking soon, too? Gai reminded me that you’ve been a part of ANBU for almost ten years now. Is that correct?”

“Yes, Sandaime.”

“A decade of experience within the Ops, that cannot just be thrown away,” he says. Another pause to smoke. “I have reconvened with the other Elders on my council. They also agree that removing you from your post would be a detriment to our Village.”

“I understand.”

“And yet, there is an Uchiha boy who lives. The jinchūriki will need guidance and control. And you are our only active shinobi who still has the sharingan.”

“I… no longer understand,” Kakashi says slowly.

“Naruto and Sasuke are eight years old now. In four years, they will likely be genin.” Sandaime turns to look at him. “In four years, the council has agreed that you will take the two of them, plus whichever third student will fit best on their team, and become their jōnin sensei. Until then, you will continue to serve in ANBU. The last year before you leave the Ops, you will take teaching classes to learn to be an effective teacher.”

Kakashi’s mouth goes dry. A… teacher? Him?

Four Years?!

“This is your new mission. Do you accept it, as part of your duty to Konohagakure?”

Ren will be five years old. How much will he miss by then? But then… Ren will only be five years old. He’ll have so much more time—as a jōnin sensei, he can stay in the Village for much longer, training his team. Teaching them. He will be home with Ren to watch him grow up. It… it’s what he’d initially wanted.

But not for Four Years.

“I accept. Thank you, Sandaime.”

Step-Push, Step-Push, the wind glides past his ears and stings, bright and cold, against his open eye. He can hear Cat, Owl, and Otter in formation behind him, following his steps to minimize footprints. They may not be able to trick the best chakra sensors out there, but they can at least keep mundane methods of tracking from working so well.

They’re so far north, there’s still snow on the branches in early May.

And gods, it’s May. Kakashi has mere weeks to finish this mission and return home or else he’ll miss his son’s first birthday. He wasn’t stupid enough to promise Shizukana that he’d be back for it, but he wants to see his son spit all over his cake, make a mess of himself trying to eat it, run around with a silly hat on or maybe a sweet onesie that declares him the birthday boy.

He stops. His squad stops in the trees behind him. Cat comes to his right side.

“Our mark is in that village,” Kakashi murmurs. “Orders are to take him alive. Scroll-seal as needed, he’ll live through transit.”

Cat nods and signs back to Owl and Otter, and then leads Owl off to one side of the village while Kakashi and Otter go the other way. They both maintain their distance from the building where their mark supposedly frequents, where Owl and Cat went to, and keep watch from there.

Of course, no watch with Otter is complete without a horribly invasive question. They nudge him lightly and ask, “Did she get the shot like she said she would?”

Kakashi feels his face flush under his mask. “She takes a pill every morning. I checked the package, and it is signed and legitimate.”

Otter tsks. “Shots are better, especially if she plans on going back on active duty.”

“I’m not sure if she does,” Kakashi muses. Owl swoops into the top-most window, and Cat follows. “At least not until he’s older.”

“That’s fair, I guess. Personally, I like the shot. But I also don’t want kids,” they say much quieter, barely a whisper. “Not that I’ll have to worry about it, but… shit happens.”

Kakashi tilts his head aside a little at Otter, hoping for a further explanation, but they’re not forthcoming on any more details. And he won’t push. They’ll tell him if they feel ready. They both go back to studying the village’s rooftops, waiting for Owl’s and Cat’s silhouettes to grace the skyline. It’s an anxious few minutes, made worse by Otter nearly vibrating in place beside him, but he recognizes Cat’s spiky hair pop up, followed by Owl’s flowing ponytail, and they both begin to flicker over to the rendezvous point. Kakashi taps Otter’s elbow to signal that they’re leaving, too, and they all clear out of this cold village.

Cat confirms that they got the mark. Otter fusses over whether either of them need healing, which both Cat and Owl deny.

“Owl took a kunai to the shoulder, but her armor blocked most of the blow,” Cat explains. “We’re fine, and should get going. It took us nearly a week to get up here, and if we’re lucky, a week to get back.”

Owl nods. “This way, Hound won’t miss his little boy’s birthday!”

Kakashi winces. “Not here, and not too loud outside the Village.” He continues, signing, Secret.

Owl signs back an apology, and the squad takes to the trees once more. Kakashi lets Cat take the lead for now, and instead follows up at the rear until they leave the snow and cold.

Kakashi enters the house through his bedroom window, as is his routine. He will do whatever it takes to avoid having Ren ever seeing him in his ANBU gear, for the rest of his time in the Ops. That sort of fear is not something he ever wants to see on his own son’s face, and certainly not directed at himself. After he’s showered and changed and feels human again, he slinks out into the house and down the stairs where he can hear Shizukana and her parents chatting in the living room.

He’s still not exactly on great terms with Kame Kousuke and his wife, Nao. But they visit at least once a week, he knows, and Ren adores them. He has to develop some sort of relationship with them eventually. They are, afterall, his child’s only grandparents.

“Oh! Kakashi-kun! You’re home early,” Shizukana gasps with a smile, standing up and leaving the kotatsu to come to the doorway and greet him. “I thought your mission was—”

“S-rank, Shizu-san,” Kakashi reminds her. “The details of which are still not to be discussed around those without the proper clearance. Yes, even a timeline.” He bows respectfully to both Kousuke and Nao, and greets them individually. They only give him a frown and a nod of acknowledgement back, but it’s more than he was honestly expecting.

“Sorry, Kakashi-kun,” Shizukana says. “But really, it’s just my parents. They would never—”

He holds up his hand. “You have no idea the kinds of things people will say when under torture, and I pray to each of the gods that Ren’s grandparents never have to find out their own limits. There is nothing else to discuss, S-rank details are confidential for a reason and I’m sure O-jiisan can appreciate that.”

He glances over to the two parents, and sees, for the first time, the barest hint of a smile in Kousuke’s eyes, even if it doesn’t show on his mouth. Shizukana, however, crosses her arms and huffs. Kakashi sighs and pulls her in for a hug to placate her.

“Where’s Ren?”

“Oh,” she smiles, leaning into his side and pulling him around the kotatsu. “Come here, right there, that’s it.”

Around the other side, playing with blocks at Nao’s side, Ren was just hidden by his grandmother’s profile. Shizukana gets their son’s attention. She turns him around and points to Kakashi, and Ren’s face lights up in a bright grin.

And then he stands.

And he walks. Confidently, strong legs and arms up for balance, feet tap-tap-tapping on the mats as he giggles across the length of the room. Kakashi feels like this moment goes on forever before he crouches down in time to pick up his son and swing him into the air, spinning and cooing.

“What a big, strong boy! Look at you go, how long has he been walking like that?” Kakashi exclaims.

Shizukana giggles. “He’s been practicing for about a month, but I think he wanted to wait until he was sure of himself before he really tried again. He walked over to greet my parents this morning when they came over, and so I was really hoping that he’d do it again for you.”

“A month?” Kakashi asks, his happiness scattering a bit. He’s only been on this mission for two weeks. And before that, his Squad was still on lockdown. How did he miss this?

Nao nods. “You have a strong son there, Hatake. Yearlings don’t tend to walk so confidently, not in my experience.”

“He has another trick up his tiny sleeve that he’s been working on,” Shizukana says excitedly. She holds out her arms and Kakashi passes Ren over to her. They sit back down at the kotatsu, and Shizukana holds up a piece of fruit for Ren to take. “Ren, what is it?”

“Foo!!”

Kousuke chuckles, “He’ll need to work on his diction, but he certainly has the spirit.”

Kakashi looks on in wonder. “Talking, too? What other words does he know?”

Shizukana grins so wide and takes Ren’s hand. “Ren, who’s that?” she asks, pointing across the table.

Ren looks up from his fruit, smiles at Nao, and says, “Baa!”

All four adults coo and sigh. Shizukana points to Kousuke next and asks, “Who’s that?”

“Jii!”

Kousuke chuckles. “That’s Jii-chan to you, mister.”

Shizukana then turns Ren around and Ren’s smile grows ever bigger. He’s caught onto the game and leans forward to plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek, and says, “Mama!”

“That’s right, sweetie! So smart, Ren!”

Kakashi can’t help but feel left out, but he doesn’t want to push it. If Ren doesn’t have a word for him yet, it’s his own fault for not being here. But Ren turns to Kakashi, crawls across Shizukana’s lap and into his own, and bounces on his thighs while giggling for a moment and then puts his tiny palm on Kakashi’s cheek.

“Kaka!”

His heart drops. He’s away so much that his son knows him only by his name.

The joyous mood in the room sours, to the point where Kakashi himself can feel it. He keeps playing with Ren while Kousuke and Nao make their excuses to leave and Shizukana sees them to the door. He can hear them whispering harshly to each other, and if he would bother to enhance his hearing with a bit of chakra he could probably make out what’s being said. But they wouldn’t be whispering if they wanted Kakashi to hear them, and so he’ll give them their privacy.

Shizukana eventually comes back into the living room and sits down beside him, and he lets her take Ren and put him back with his toys for a while.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t realize that he had picked up on my calling you Kakashi all the time.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry I’m not home more often to correct the situation.”

Her face crumples and she crosses her arms like she’s about to say something that’s going to make Kakashi feel worse about this situation, and he doesn’t need that right now, not after coming off a mission.

“I need you to try and curb this quickly, before Ren calls me that in public. Please.”

“If you could just get a village-bound—”

“Shizukana,” Kakashi stops her, “I told you already. I have four years, and then I will be mostly homebound. Until then, the Hokage will not let me leave ANBU. Stop asking me to abandon my duty to our Village.” He sighs and continues, “Regardless, we both know that it will mean more coming from you than from me. You’re his mother, and he’ll take his cues from you. Please, I need your help with this.”

Still pouting, she turns her face away from him. He can see her shoulders draw up to her ears, one of her tells that she’s upset. He tried to soften the snap with a compliment on her role as Ren’s mother, because she is a fantastic parent to their son, but she has to drop this issue about him getting a different assignment. Four years.

He tries a different approach. “Please,” he asks quietly. “Imagine if he’d called you Shizu instead of Mama.”

She stiffens and turns halfway back to look at him through her bangs. “That does sound awful,” she whispers.

He nods. “If it had happened, I would have called you mama, for him, every day for the rest of our lives if that’s what it took for him to change his language. Please, can you give me the same grace?”

She leans up against his shoulder, and Kakashi wraps his arms around her. Another one of her tells—this one, however, is a sort of apology. “There’s no guarantee,” she says. “Oftentimes, when a baby decides a word means something, getting them to change it is like moving a mountain.”

Kakashi sighs against her temple and says, “That you’ll try and give it your best attempt is all I ask.”

Ren sees his parents snuggling together beside the kotatsu and toddles over to them, falling into Shizukana’s lap and snuggling, too. Kakashi gathers them both in his arms and sighs, because if having Ren means having Shizukana, then he can admit it’s not a terrible package. He certainly wouldn’t have been able to do this parenting thing on his own. Ren would have been taken as a ward of the Village, and Kakashi would have been lucky to see him once a month.

This arrangement comes with its own challenges, of course. Shizukana is infatuated with him and he still doesn’t get to see Ren as often as he’d like. And then, of course, there’s the hopeless crush he’s nursing on a certain sensei…

But here, with Ren giggling in Shizukana’s arms, getting raspberries blown on his cheeks, and Shizukana’s own warm weight against his side… he could be happy here anyway.

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Tips appreciated 💛

#my writing #hatake kakashi #kakashi/ofc #kakairu #umino iruka #kid fic

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this-is-my-canon · 2 years

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NARUTO FANFICS:

*fics in green are ongoing/incomplete

KakaSaku-

A Song of Lightning and Blossoms: He only wanted to honor and remember the people he loved and lost. She only wanted to marry for love. The kingdom had different plans for them. By the time they realized how deep they were in the game, at least they had each other.

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch9, Office Meeting (KakaSakuYama): When Sakura barges into the hokage’s office with a grievance, she stumbles onto discovering a secret of Kakashi’s, but she has a secret of her own to reveal. By the time they’ve had a private meeting about this, Sakura walks out of that office with Kakashi and Yamato shouldering less grievances, more secrets.

S-KRA: No matter how much Kakashi tries, he can’t dodge his best friend’s relentless efforts to pull him out of his depression and help him move on from the past. When Guy’s latest surprise for him results in a trendy new artificial human unit crashing into Kakashi’s home and his life, Kakashi is so thrown out of balance by S-KRA’s affects on him that he doesn’t even have time to consider whether he affects her. Fic inspired by the TV series, Humans

You Think You Know Someone…(KakaSakuIno): Just when Ino feels comfortable with Sakura’s relationship with her boyfriend, she realizes she shouldn’t have let her guard down. One night changes everything and awakens feelings none of them recognized before. What started as a single act lets their dynamic take new form. Letting her guard down may be the best thing Ino ever did.

Stay: Sakura knows why Kakashi runs away. After all, she’s been hurt, too. She sees the need he has. She enjoys fulfilling it. This can’t be anything more for him right now. Sakura understands that. All she wants is for him to stay.

Meet Your Maker (KakaSakuGen): Genma knew about vampires. He didn’t know he’d meet one when he was down and out. He certainly couldn’t have anticipated the thrilling night he was in for after it - and all the nights to come.

Kill for Me: “I’d die before I let anything happen to you, Sakura.”

Sakura reaches forward, stroking the wet, matted strands off Kakashi’s dewy forehead. “Don’t die for me, oyabun. Killing for me is enough.”

(Yakuza AU)

through violence: Amazon women came to exist and conquer through a love of violence. Through a love of violence, the God of War came to steal the heart of the Amazon queen.

KakaYama-

I’m Not Where You Left Me: Emotional vulnerability with Kakashi Hatake is a dangerous thread Tenzo should’ve known not to pull. He’s learned his lesson and won’t make the same mistake again - until there’s Team 7, a new identity, and a very different Kakashi than the broken young man Yamato remembers.

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch4, We’ll Weather It Together: Team Kakashi is forced to take shelter when a thunderstorm interrupts their return home from their latest mission. Fortunately, Yamato can provide that shelter. But little does he know, Kakashi has ulterior motives and plans to turn this storm to his advantage.

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch9, Office Meeting (KakaSakuYama, linked above)

How We Get to the End (KakaObiYama): Kakashi is hokage. Yamato is by his side enjoying well-deserved peace in the wake of the Fourth Great Ninja War. Obito is not dead. Now that Kakashi’s old teammate has returned to the Hidden Leaf, feelings thought to be buried along with him are exhumed. Kakashi’s are far more favorable than Yamato’s. Once Obito’s come into play, their paths to happiness become entangled like a nest of thread they can only unravel by weaving through each other.

Get Off: When school lets out, all Kakashi wants to do is be left alone. His coworkers have other plans. After a missed opportunity Friday night, he finds a surprise waiting for him in class the next schoolweek.

Yamato: Tenzo has a secret meeting with his Yakuza contact in a soap land.

Eclipse (KakaObiRinYama, linked below)

KakaObi-

pour me your last drops (KakaObiRin): When Rin moves in with Kakashi, Obito’s last-ditch effort to confess his feelings to her results in more consequences and untapped desires than anyone anticipated.

To Reach This Point (KakaObiRin): After Obito died, Rin found a way to Kakashi’s heart. After Obito came back alive, she realized she still had his heart and didn’t want to let it go. After years of turmoil, she realized she wasn’t the only one enduring this struggle. The solution was easy - for her. The boys, with all their stubbornness, required some coaxing to admit what they all had right in front of them.

How We Get to the End (KakaObiYama, linked above)

wake up and smell the coffee (KakaObiRin): Kakashi, Obito and Rin navigate through the trials and tribulations of working their polyamorous lifestyle into the modern world in which they live.

Point of No Return (and never wanting to change a thing) (KakaObi w/established KakaObiRin): Obito finds himself yearning at one of the rare times both of his partners are nowhere to be found. Thankfully, someone arrives home early. But he has his own idea of fulfilling Obito’s desires. Then someone else arrives home early. In the end, Obito has no complaints.

A Good Old Konoha Orgy: “If we’re going out, we need to go out with a bang. A party that’s so monumental, none of the others can match it.”

“A bang…” Kakashi flipped through his book, and Obito was ready to clobber him when Kakashi’s eyes lit on the page, his brows perking. “Orgy.”

Obito choked. “E-excuse me?”

Kakashi met his gaze evenly. “That’s what happens in the finale of Makeout Paradise. Obito, it’s a phenomenal ending.” (inspired by the movie, A Good Old Fashioned Orgy)

All’s Fair in the Line of Duty: Obito’s undercover mission is derailed when an old associate appears in a most inconvenient way, until Obito uses the unexpected appearance to his advantage

Our Destination (KakaObiRin): Rin, Obito, and Kakashi are taking off on a road trip. On the road, they solidify their relationship...and put it to the test. More important than their destination are the experiences they share along the way.

The Hatake Grift (KakaObiRin): Kakashi Hatake is a billionaire who gained access to his trust fund at a young age due to unfortunate circumstances. Rin Nohara and Obito Uchiha plan to gain access to it through an entirely different method.

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch10, Impasse: After being sucked into kamui together, while there’s a war going on in the dimension they just left, Obito and Kakashi’s one-on-one encounter goes differently than they could have ever imagined. Some things change. Some things stay the same.

A Masterful Case of Fiction: When Kakashi and his partner are assigned to investigate the murder of a college professor, their prime suspect turns out to be a hard case that just might be the death of Kakashi if he doesn’t solve this murder first.

Eclipse (KakaObiRinYama): An intimate poker night at the apartment gets derailed when Tenzo’s struggles with dating strike Kakashi with inspiration. His motivation is just as charitable as it is selfish, but Kakashi’s aim is to help his ex get his sex life back on track.

He, Obito, and Rin all really, really want to help.

KakaTsu-

welcome to my cage: On the eve of his swearing in as Hokage, Kakashi doesn’t feel prepared for what comes next. Knowing his struggle, his predecessor steps up to ease him into his transition in a way that has mutual benefits.

KakaRin-

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch1, Sit and Stay: With their ANBU mission halted due to unexpected weather, Kakashi and Rin find a way to keep each other warm while weathering the storm in a cold, dark hideout.

Cold Brew: Serving coffee to Madara’s coffeehouse patrons pays the bills while Rin works her way through nursing school. Her boss thinks she’s dead weight. Her coworkers are chaotic. But beyond that, Rin likes the atmosphere and she enjoys catching glimpses into her customers‘ lives. Especially when it comes to the guy who always orders the cold brew.

pour me your last drops (KakaObiRin, linked above)

To Reach This Point (KakaObiRin, linked above)

wake up and smell the coffee (KakaObiRin, linked above)

Our Destination (KakaObiRin, linked above)

The Hatake Grift (KakaObiRin, linked above)

Eclipse (KakaObiRinYama, linked above)

Starting Point: After Kannabi Bridge, Rin and Kakashi are left to pick up the pieces, carrying on without Obito. Filling the gaping hole he left behind is not as easily done as it should seem. It takes time, but eventually they have to start to heal.

SakuIno-

You Think You Know Someone…(KakaSakuIno, linked above)

Twelve Months of Sexy Ninjas, ch2, Sweeter: When Ino walks through the door to meet Sakura after her return from a long, exhausting mission, she expects her to put out a little more energy. But it won’t go without reward.

Attempt to Rearrange with You: “Maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

Ino shrugs shyly, flicking her bangs out of her face to give Sakura a coy smile. “I’ve been thinking…maybe we should both take a break from chasing men.”

“Oh yeah? And do what?”

“Think about it,” Ino says as she licks her glossy lips.

KakaMei-

Mei’s Board Room: Negotiations take on a whole new meaning when the Mizu Industries board room is ambushed by the Yakuza. Negotiations take on a whole new meaning when the CEO is left alone with Kakashi.

Blackmail: If Ao hadn’t overbooked her with meetings, Mei might’ve paid more notice to the next name scrawled on her list before she’d allowed the Yakuza to walk through her door.

KakaKushi-

Hardest Thing: Kushina has made mistakes she needs to correct. But how can she call something that was so beautiful a mistake? How can she justify leaving such a source of her happiness behind? Moving on from Kakashi will be the hardest thing she’s ever done.

ItaKarin-

Take What You Want: Karin thinks she wants Sasuke. She hopes he wants her.

That is, until his older brother appears, already knowing what he wants.

#Naruto #KakaYama #KakaObi #KakaRin #KakaSaku #Naruto fanfics #not sfw links

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beneathstarryskies · 2 years

Text

Alone With You (ANBU!Kakashi x Reader)

Word Count: 3,502

Summary: To everyone else he was "friend-killer Kakashi," but to you he was a lonely man in need of tenderness.

Warnings: fem!reader, oral (f recieving), angst, blood, hospitals

Kakashi doesn’t talk anymore. You miss him, although you doubt he remembers you from your days at the academy. You were a little younger, but you adored him. Even now you can’t help admiring him even if he hardly looks in your direction. He’s like a shadow, walking down the street in his ANBU uniform avoiding any attempt at friendliness. It suits most of your peers just fine. They dodge him just as much as he does them. Uneasy glances shoot into his back.

“Friend killer,” they whisper.

“Cold-hearted Kakashi,” they accuse.

Kakashi pretends not to hear. Your heart breaks every time. He’s a reminder of the tragedy one faces as a shinobi.

They don’t see Kakashi in the same way you do. They don’t see the Kakashi who quietly visits the graves of Obito, Rin, and Minato and whispers to them when he thinks nobody else is around. When he noticed you there, he apologized before sneaking off.

They don’t know that when one of his comrades is injured, he comes to the hospital to ask if they’ll be okay before asking you not to mention that he was there.

“He’s like a ghost,” Kurenai says one day as the two of you sit at the tea shop with Asuma and Guy.

The three of them watch Kakashi walk down the street with a bag of groceries. Guy tried to offer him a seat, but he hadn’t even acknowledged the offer. You look away from him, staring into your tea until the rest of the group finally turns back to their own.

“Does he even talk to anyone?” Asuma asks before taking a drag off his cigarette.

Everyone shrugs and you stay quiet. Despite the overall brevity of your interactions with Kakashi, you feel like you owe him privacy. So, you hold the secrets you know close to your chest.

Kakashi carries the burdens of everything he’s lost on slumped shoulders. The weight is too much for one person to bear on their own, but he doesn’t ask for help.

Even when he’s carried into the hospital by a masked ANBU a couple of nights later. If it wasn’t for that familiar mess of silver hair, you wouldn’t have known it was him behind that dog mask.

“I’m fine, Tenzo,” Kakashi mumbles despite the bloodstain steadily growing on his gray armor.

You’re the one on duty that night. The cat-masked ANBU shinobi carries him to an empty bed and watches carefully as you unfasten the gray vest and peel it off of Kakashi. By the time you’re able to get it off, Kakashi is dazed from blood loss. You set it to the side before pushing his black shirt up so you can inspect the wound. It is bad. A clean stab wound through his back, all the way through his abdomen.

“I’m afraid you’re not fine, Kakashi,” you say quietly, but he’s already passed out.

You begin infusing chakra into your palms. Green energy erupts over your hands before you bring them to his abdomen. You manage to stop the bleeding before having to stop and repair all of the internal damage before you have to stop.

“He’ll have to stay overnight,” you explain to the one he called Tenzo. “Maybe longer.”

“Will he be okay?” Tenzo asks.

“Yeah. I stopped the bleeding, but it will take a bit longer for me to completely heal the wound.”

You take a moment to catch your breath after Tenzo leaves. Then you go to get some bandages out of the cabinet before getting a bowl of warm water and a cloth.

“How’d I get here?”

A small, surprised squeak leaves you when you hear his voice. When you turn to him again, you see the dog mask has been removed. He lets it fall to the floor as he waits for you to answer.

“You don’t remember?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be asking.”

You feel your cheeks burning as you bring the tray across the room. You set it on the table before wringing out the cloth.

“One of your comrades brought you in,” you explain. “Tenzo?”

You sit on the edge of the bed and carefully clean the blood off his pale skin. His eyes linger on your face for a moment as you tend to him. He’s quick to look away when your gaze meets his. You smile softly before getting a dry towel to pat him dry, then you set about putting ointment on his wound.

“It was pretty bad,” you explain. “I’ll have to treat it a couple more times before it’s fully healed.”

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“Don’t thank me yet,” you smirk softly before helping him sit up so you can wrap a bandage around him.

Once you’re finished, you clean up a bit around the bed. Kakashi continues to watch you as he lays back against the bed.

“I’ve got to check up on some other patients,” you say finally. “Do you need anything?”

“No. I’m just tired,” Kakashi sighs.

“Okay, get some rest. I’ll come back later.”

“Thank you, y/n,” his voice is barely a whisper as you walk out of the room.

Over the next couple of days, you treat Kakashi’s wounds. He doesn’t speak much throughout your time together, mostly polite exchanges. Then, one morning you go to check on him and he’s gone. In your mind, this was the end of your brief acquaintance. You went on about your life like normal, keeping quiet about having taken care of him even when he became the topic of conversation at the tea shop. When you saw him around the village, you’d smile softly like you always did but he never said a word.

Weeks passed as they always had.

One night you’re in your room, sitting on the bed reading a book when there’s a knock on your window. You jolt at the sudden sound, but when you look up that familiar dog mask is staring back at you. Your heart races as you set the book aside, trying to catch your breath from being startled before going to the window. You open it up with a thousand questions rolling through your mind.

“Kakashi, what are you-”

He’s crawling through the open window before you can finish your question. You step back, a little nervous about what’s going on. He takes the mask off and sets it on the nightstand. His brows are furrowed and he shoves his hands in his pockets as he leans against the wall.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he says finally.

“Really?”

He struggles for a moment to get his thoughts together, and you’re left wondering if he’d come here just to say that. He hadn’t expected to come inside and immediately confess that way. Something about you makes his defenses slip just a bit. He craves to unburden himself from loneliness.

“I know what they say about me.”

You look down at the floor, knowing there’s no reason to pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. You sit on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t say it though,” he kneels in front of you. His hand soothes slowly up your leg. “Why don’t you?”

“Because I don’t think it’s true.”

He reaches to slide the black mask off his face, and your breath hitches when you see his face for the first time. You reach out to spread your palm across his cheek, for a brief moment he pulls away. Then, his face softens and he leans into the touch. Your thumb drags across his cheekbone and you smile sweetly before leaning down to kiss his forehead. It feels nice to be close to him this way.

“Can I kiss you?”

The question falls from your lips before you even realize it was on your tongue. Your cheeks burn and you quickly look away from him. Kakashi is rising to his feet and bringing you with him before you have time to sink into your embarrassment too much. His long fingers curl around your chin and he turns your face back to him. His lips are soft, barely a whisper over yours. You sink into him, deepening the kiss as your hands move to curl in his hair.

Kakashi grows eager with his touches. He whines as your tongue softly prods against his bottom lip, and he wonders if he parts his lips too quickly. If in that one instant you could sense how absolutely desperate he is for you to touch him and taste him and let your affection curl underneath his skin to warm him up. His hands move from your face to your sides and he pulls you in as close as he can. His gloved hands move across your skin.

“Just a moment,” he mutters as he pulls away again. You watch as he tugs his gloves off and sets them on the nightstand beside his ANBU mask. It’s almost electric when his bare hands return to your body. They’re warm and surprisingly soft as he drags his palms across your waist.

He moves you carefully towards the bed and lays you down. There’s a new certainty to his moves as he slots himself between your thighs. His fingers curl around the waistband of your pajama pants.

“May I?”

You nod slowly and Kakashi frowns, “I need to hear you say it.”

Your legs shift nervously, “Yes, please.”

“Good girl,” he whispers before sliding your pants and panties down your legs.

Your chest rises and falls rapidly as his hands soothe over your thighs. He kneads your skin gently then his lips press against your thigh. You let out a soft moan as he moves lower and lower, his breath brushes against your wet pussy. His hands move to grab your hips and he pulls you closer.

“Can I taste you?”

“Yes,” you whine.

That’s all Kakashi needs to sink between your thighs. His tongue drags slowly between your folds, and he moans at the taste of your arousal. He can’t hold back from lapping at you eagerly. Soft, desperate moans leave his lips the more he pleasures your aching cunt. Every little squeak of delight and gentle tug at his hair is like a gift from the gods, given to him by the delightfully beautiful woman laid out before him.

“Kakashi, please,” you whine softly.

He doesn’t dare leave your pussy to respond. Instead, he grunts against your pussy, and his fingers come to your hole. He sinks them into you slowly, curling them against your pillowy sweet spot deep inside of you. Your toes curl as waves of warm pleasure build up inside of you, heightening with every flick of his tongue. You cry out his name when the dam breaks. Your back arches against the bed as that sweet, tingling warmth spreads over your skin. The tips of your fingers feel electric as they drag along his scalp.

“Don’t stop, Kakashi,” you plead.

And he doesn’t. Kakashi stays buried between your thighs, drawing out wave after delicious wave of pleasure until you can’t take anymore. Your eyes are heavy and your thighs are sticky when he finally pulls away from you. It could’ve been minutes or hours for all you know. He pulls the blankets over your body before kissing you softly. Your hands reach lazily for the button of his pants, but he grabs your wrists.

“Not yet.”

You whine, but it doesn’t take long for him to coax you into relaxing again. Kakashi leaves after you’ve fallen asleep. He feels satisfied with knowing he’s brought something besides violence to this world. Your kindness to him resulted in kind rewards for yourself, and he feels strangely vindicated. He thinks about it long after he’s settled into his apartment for the night. The taste of your arousal lingers on his lips, and when he closes his eyes he can almost imagine he’s still tasting you. Instead of falling asleep to the memories of those he’s lost, he thinks of you.

You don’t see Kakashi for a few weeks. Not even skulking around the village like a slumped shadow. You keep that night a secret, just as you’ve kept your other interactions with Kakashi a secret. You think of him often, wondering if he’ll come around again. He doesn’t, not for a long time. It makes you sad to think he wouldn’t come back to you, even though he seemed so passionate that night when he came through your window.

As time continues to pass, you try to push it out of your mind. You go about life as normal, and eventually, you start to feel like maybe you dreamed the whole thing. It’s sad in a way to think the whole experience will eventually fade from your memory. One day the memory of his soft lips on your skin won’t make the spots he kissed burn, because you won’t even be able to recall the exact way he explored you.

There’s a light layer of snow on the ground when you finally see him again. Most people stayed hidden all winter, waiting for spring to come. The cold didn’t seem to bother Kakashi as it did you. You’re wrapped up in your winter coat, bustling home as quickly as you can when you spot him stretched out on a bench reading. The sight of him stops you in your tracks so quickly you nearly slip, narrowly avoiding a fall by holding onto a lamp post.

For a moment you consider going on about your night. Until you saw him, all you wanted to do was go home to your warm apartment. Instead, your feet carry you across the street, and you don’t know what you’re going to do until you’re standing in front of the bench with your arms crossed. You don’t know if Kakashi genuinely doesn’t notice you, or if he’s ignoring you on purpose. Either way, you reach out to pluck the book from his hands.

“Hey, what do you think-” he trails off when he sees you. His cheeks burn under his mask as you hold the book behind your back. Even though he can see the flurry of emotions in your eyes, he feels warm when he realizes you’ve kept your thumb flat on the page as to not lose his place.

“You know, when someone sneaks into my apartment and goes down on me I at least expect a thank you card.”

“Hm, I think I’m the one who should’ve expected a thank you card,” he sits up on the bench and stretches out his long legs. “Besides, how people do you have crawling through your window?”

Your cheeks burn as you look down at your feet, “Only one. I’d been hoping for a repeat visit.”

Kakashi isn’t sure what to say. The truth is that he’s been out of the village mostly, with only a day or two home at a time between missions. He’s thought about you every day. Imagining what it would be like to crawl in your window and take things even further has been one of the few glimmers of enjoyment he’s had. After all this time, he’d expected you to be upset for his lack of contact since then. He hadn’t been expecting that you would want him again, especially not now. He swallows hard in a vain attempt to soothe his throat which suddenly seems uncomfortably dry.

“Perhaps that could be arranged,” he says finally.

“If you walk me home, you can use the front door this time instead.”

“You have to give me my book.”

You hold it up, noticing for the first time that it’s Icha Icha, “Oh this book? You want it back?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, then come get it.”

You take off walking towards your apartment. It takes Kakashi a moment to wrap his head around what happened. He’d seen your kindness, passion, and warmth. Never has he seen this playful side of you, and he’s even more enamored. He quickly follows behind you. His long legs easily catch up with your shorter gait. He’s so quiet that you don’t realize he’s gained on you until his arm is wrapping around you to attempt to grab his book. You quickly turn away so the book is just out of his reach.

“Oh, this is how you want to play?”

You giggle as you turn to walk backward, the book safely tucked behind your back. You can’t keep it up for long before having to look back to make sure you’re not going to run into anything. In the brief moment, you’re looking away from him, Kakashi seizes your waist and pulls you close. His mask-covered lips are close to yours and you’re so lost in the intense gaze that he manages to reach behind you to grab the book.

You pout as he takes a step back and places a bookmark on the page. The book snaps shut and even though his mask is over his face you know he’s smiling. You gently shove him with a small laugh.

“Playing dirty, hm?”

“I haven’t started playing dirty yet.”

You lean up on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek, “Me neither.”

If Kakashi had any doubts about following you back to your apartment, they’re dispelled as soon as your lips brush against his cheek. In an instant he’s leaning into the warm gesture, his hand coming to rest on the small of your back. Kakashi regrets every single moment he’s spent away from you. He’s still a little dumbstruck when you pull out of his grasp, your hand fitting perfectly in his as you start leading him down the street.

Your apartment is a welcome reprieve from the winter night. You flick the lights on before dropping your bag by the door. Kakashi politely kicks his shoes off and follows you into the living room. You turn on a lamp before peeling off your coat and dropping it lazily onto one of the chairs. You’ve barely managed to think of what to do next when Kakashi’s hands are on your waist and you’re being spun around to face him.

“When did you pull your mask down?” you ask before he leans in to kiss you.

It’s hungry and eager. His teeth clash with yours before you feel his warm tongue sliding into your mouth. Your knees are weak from the sudden display of passion. Trembling fingers tangle in his snow-white locks. His hand moves to rest at the base of your back, pulling you closer so your hips knock against his. You’re drunk on his kiss by the time he pulls away. A wicked smile tugs on his lips and lights up his eyes before he dips in to kiss you again. You barely register being picked up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist before he starts carrying you towards the bedroom.

The kiss breaks for a moment as your back hits the bed, and Kakashi is hovering over you. His cheeks are flushed with arousal as his hips press forward so his clothed cock rubs against your mound. His lips eagerly find yours again, catching your soft moans in a deep kiss. Your hips drag against his. You know logically you should be angry with him for ghosting you. When his long fingers start dragging over your neck, the thought is swept away. He starts unbuttoning your shirt and he pulls out of this kiss to take in every inch of soft, warm skin slowly revealed to him.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs as he finally gets your shirt completely open.

Soft words make you weak for him, but you don’t care. You wouldn’t kick him out now even if you wanted to. He kneads gently at your tits through your bra before guiding you to sit up so he can properly remove your shirt then he reaches around to unfasten your bra.

“Wait,” the bra is still hanging limply over your shoulders when you place your hand in the middle of Kakashi’s chest to push him away.

“What is it?” he asks softly.

“It’s not going to be like last time, right?”

His brows furrow, “Well, I was planning to go further this time.”

“Not that,” you sigh as your shoulders slump, “I meant afterward.”

Kakashi leans back on his knees as he looks you over. He knew leaving as he did likely wasn’t the most romantic thing for him to do, but he was due to leave for a mission early the next morning. Still, he doesn’t have an excuse for avoiding you like he did except he wasn’t sure how to handle the emotions swelling inside of him. He’s been so lonely for far too long. He feels a tug of guilt in his chest when he realizes how much it hurt you.

“It won’t be like that,” he whispers.

His words trail off into a soft kiss. A silent promise that this time he’ll stay.

#kakashi hatake x reader #hatake kakashi #kakashi x reader #anbu kakashi #anbu!kakashi #anbu!kakashi xreader #kakashi hatake

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actuallysaiyan · 3 years

Text

Hello It’s Me(Kakashi Hatake x Reader)

Word count: 1,072

Pairings: Kakashi Hatake x Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, mentions of sex, alcohol, depression, some fluff

Summary: Reader has been alone most of their life, and while they lost everyone they loved dearly, Kakashi has been there for them for as long as they remembered. Maybe, just maybe, they could eventually overcome their sadness and become lovers.

You were no stranger to heartbreak and pain. In fact, you almost relished in it because you thought it was the only thing in your life that was constant. It started with your parents dying when you were really young, and that left you all alone. You weren’t part of a big clan and most of the people who you were related to stayed away from you. Everyone thought you were cursed or something seeing as most of the people around you kept dying.

The only good thing in your life ended up being Obito, Rin and Kakashi. The three shinobi from Team Minato. While Minato wasn’t your sensei, you stayed close to all of them. As time went on, you found yourself falling in love with Obito. You couldn’t help it, he showed you such kindness and compassion that you hadn’t seen in so long.

So when Rin and Kakashi returned to the village without Obito, you considered maybe he was only trailing behind. You didn’t want to consider the worst and that he was dead or lost. You wanted him to show up and make you smile. You wanted him to come kiss you and tell you everything would be alright.

But when you saw Kakashi with a Sharingan, you knew Obito was no longer alive. You threw yourself to your knees, wailing and screaming. Your heart was broken and there was just no way you could be consoled. Kakashi and Rin tried everything, but eventually they had given up and just led you away so you could have some privacy.

Rin tried to tell you that Obito died valiantly, saving both of them, but you didn’t want to hear it. Kakashi tried to tell you that Obito’s last words to them was to tell you that he loves you. It broke your heart even more knowing that he was thinking of you right before he died. Kakashi wanted to give you the Sharingan, but you refused. Obito had given it to Kakashi, and you wouldn’t take that from him.

Years went by and your heart grew colder and colder. When Rin and Minato died, Kakashi became cold as well. You both ended up joining the ANBU; Kakashi at the request of Minato, and you at the request of your former sensei. It wasn’t easy at first, but you took to it like a moth takes to a flame. It calmed the troubles in your heart a little, but you still had nightmares every night of Obito.

Kakashi was hurting too, and it didn’t take long before you two decided to confide in each other. Kakashi would tell you how he felt guilty about how Rin died and how he wished he could go back and save Obito and Minato. You would tell him how you wished you could save your family and Obito. Both of you would drink until you would black out, only to wake up the next day and get right back to work in the ANBU.

It’s only when you both became adults that something changed between you two. Your heart would never forget Obito, but Kakashi was someone you could always count on. He would often come over and spend the night with you, making you forget all your pain.

The first night he made love to you, you could feel your heart heal a little. You thought maybe he felt the same way, and your assumptions were proven to be right when Kakashi let it slip during sex that he loved you. It hurt you so badly, because it brought back so many memories of Obito.

“Kashi, please…” you plead. He frowned at you, turning away from you ashamed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, it just slipped in the heat of the moment.”

You placed your hand on his shoulder, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. He seemed to calm down after that.

“I better go.” He said, getting dressed.

You sat on the bed, not sure how to react. You wanted to chase after him, but you knew it would be tough to reassure him. You were both hurting so badly, and you needed each other. You just didn’t know if you could be in a relationship, and especially not with each other.

A few nights passed, and you waited on him desperately. You wanted the skin on skin contact and the affection. You felt full and happy with him thrusting deep within you. You loved the way he smelled and how good it felt when he kissed you deeply.

There was a knock at your door, and you rushed over to open it. Kakashi stood there, his arms crossed and looking very nonchalant. You bit back a laugh, but instead you allowed him to come in. Something about him had changed, but you wanted to let him come to terms with telling you what was on his mind before you prodded him.

“Listen, what I said the other night…” Kakashi started, but you cut him off with a chaste kiss.

“Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t have to mean anything at all, if you don’t want it to.” You tried to get him away from these thoughts, but he wasn’t having it.

“I want it to mean something. You deserve love, and I deserve love. We don’t need to be these broken people anymore.” Kakashi confessed, and you felt your heart race.

“What do you mean? Doesn’t the memory of Obito or Rin mean anything to you?” You felt a little hurt, but you wanted to hear him out.

“It will always mean everything to me, but we are both here and now. If you don’t want to be my lover, that’s okay...but just know that I never want you to change and I always want to be there for you.” Kakashi explained.

“Oh, Kashi...you really mean that?” you asked him, hoping he’ll confirm it.

He leaned in to kiss you passionately, his hands rubbing up and down your body with care. If you couldn’t be lovers right now, then you didn’t mind having him around. He could come over and make you smile...stay the night if you think he should. And maybe one day, you could be lovers.

You heart ached a little less that day, and you let it slip during sex that you loved him too. You didn’t dream of Obito anymore.

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kakashiswilloffire · 3 years

Text

Orange Sherbet

ao3 link

tw: suicide attempt, overdose, painkillers, mentions of self harm

words: 3.5k

He was a drain on Gai.

His students didn’t need him—they’d surpass him soon enough.

There were still villagers who called him Friend-Killer Kakashi.

He still saw faces every time he laid down to sleep.

He felt Rin’s blood splash onto his chest every time he used the Chidori.

He couldn’t help Itachi.

He couldn’t help anyone.

Sometimes he understood what must’ve gone through his father’s head.

Sometimes, the corner store doesn’t have orange sherbet.

Kakashi is suicidal and we hope Gai can help.

If there was orange sherbet at the convenience store on the way home, he’d stay alive. They always had pints of ice creams and other frozen treats—it was something he had promised to treat himself to when he felt this way. They had made him write down all these promises during his last few mental health sessions with various Yamanakas, listing three people he could talk to when he felt lonely, three distractions he could use to keep himself sane for a few minutes longer, three reasons to stay alive. When he felt like he couldn’t stand to live another day, he had to summon Pakkun, read Icha Icha, and eat something special and different. Pakkun was still recovering from their last rough battle together. He had read each volume of Icha Icha so many times they risked falling apart upon his next touch. So orange sherbet it was.

He’d never cared much for sweets, of course. But there was something nostalgic about orange sherbet, it wasn’t quite as punch-in-the-face sugary as ice cream, but still gave a slight buzz and coated his tongue. In the back of his mind, he remembered his father—or was it Minato?—buying a pint for each of them and snagging two disposable spoons so they could enjoy them as they walked back from the training grounds. Or was it three pints with Rin and Obito after difficult missions? Something Gai or Tenzou insisted on buying for his birthday one year? Everything blurred in his mind, unable to clearly break each memory apart to see it again.

He pushed open the door, hearing the dull chime of bells as it swung forward to let him into the packed corner shop. He made his way to the freezer without taking in any of the other colors, sights, or smells around him. He remembered his goal. One pint of orange sherbet. Buy one, eat it, and try life again tomorrow.

The freezer door was coated in a light fog, but he was in no hurry to see through it. It was just him and the shopkeep cashing out an older civilian woman. He skimmed his eyes across the rows, looking for the familiar orange carton.

Where was it?

He tried again, looking more carefully at each row, all the way across, then moving down to the next systematically. His heart rate jumped roughly 15 more beats per minute.

They always have it.

He opened the door, searching furiously with his eyes now that there was no frost in his way. He knelt to the ground, checking the bottom rows thoroughly.

It has to be here.

He glanced at the shopkeep, bagging the woman’s groceries as she talked animatedly about something he didn’t care enough to make out. He slid his headband up a couple of inches, barely exposing the crimson eye hidden beneath. With as much chakra as he dared use given his current state, he searched the frozen rack again.

Every flavor of ice cream he could think of, and a least a dozen more he would never consider. And toward the bottom, there was lime, lemon, and raspberry,

No orange sherbet.

He wasn’t sure how long he remained squatted down with the freezer door open, focused on the empty slot where it should be. The shopkeep, now with no other customers, cleared his throat loudly and gestured for Kakashi to shut the door. He blinked twice, then rose, hearing the door seal as he returned to his feet.

“Anything I can help you with?”

Kakashi blinked, again. There was all this noise roaring in his head, and he felt flushed. After a beat too long, he understood what had been asked and shook his head.

“No, ah… Thank you.”

He nodded and quickly ducked out of the store.

That was it. He had to write down three reasons. Reason one was currently out of commission because of him. Reason two had been violently abused so that he had something to do with his hands when he was so full of fire and anxiety that if he wasn’t holding something he’d— well, whatever came easiest or first. Digging his nails into his arms, forming tiny red divots. Scratching until the skin was raw and angry. Slamming fists into his thighs. Step one was always untying his kunai pouch and letting it fall. He’d learned that early on.

Reason number three to stay alive, and the agreement he’d made with himself today, was the convenience of dropping by the store for a small treat. Without that, he wasn’t sure how to proceed.

Walking back to his apartment, he thought about the previous weeks. Those promises had all begun the same way, but ended in a different direction. The format was simple: if blank, then I won’t kill myself today. He used to use a similar format: I can’t kill myself until blank. The problem with that was dreaming far enough ahead to find a goal worth the pain, effort, and time, and also, what to do when the goal was met. You can’t kill yourself until you make chunin. You can’t kill yourself until you complete an A rank mission. You can’t kill yourself until you make jonin. You can’t kill yourself until… what? Until I come back from a mission with no casualties? Until I can become close to someone without them dying in front of me? It spiraled too quickly to come back from.

The simpler way to go about it was short-term goals. Can’t kill yourself till after dinner. Then you’ve gotta brush your teeth. Then read a chapter of a book, or two. Then you’re tired, and you can sleep until the alarm wakes you far earlier than the sun would, and you live until you feel like you can’t again. But even that had its downfalls—if you can’t be bothered to brush your teeth tonight, you’ve gotta find something to keep going.

It had been Gai who suggested rephrasing the prompt to its latest version. On a day I challenge you, Rival, you can’t end the passion of youth! The challenges had been almost daily for a couple of months after that, until Gai had left for an extended mission and Kakashi had been thoroughly encouraged to stay a similar amount of time in the Yamanaka’s care. He’d begrudgingly admitted later that both of those developments had helped, and it had been a few years since his last bout with depression like this.

But it had been like this for a few months now, and the clouds fuzzing over his mind didn’t seem to be letting up. So he revisited some old advice. If it doesn’t rain on the way home, he’d stay alive. The sky remained cloudless. If Naruto pulled something stupid during training, he’d stay alive. It only took fifteen minutes before Sakura started yelling at him. If there was orange sherbet in the corner store—But there wasn’t.

Somehow, he made it inside his apartment, not quite recalling the rest of the walk through the dull ache behind his eyes. He slipped his unzipped vest off his shoulders, not noticing it hit the floor. Routine dictated that next was the kunai pouch, then the bandages, then—

He was sitting on the floor and wasn’t sure how he got there. Sitting was a generous term, he supposed, as his legs were fully outstretched and he was propped on one forearm with his head against the wall. His eyes slowly screwed tight as the dull ache sharpened briefly, then the static between his ears picked up in volume. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and gradually got back to his feet, stumbling into the living room.

He slumped across the couch, staring at the ceiling. He remembered the routine, drilling itself into his head. His vest was off, he needed to remove the kunai pouch, then the bandages, then the shoes, and put all of that away before removing the rest of his clothing to take a shower. After that was dinner, then two hours of free time to fill with whatever he was capable of, then bed. Lately the free time had been compromised of staring at the pile of clean laundry on the chair opposite him that had needed to be put away since Wednesday. He knew the routine. He decided to get a jump start on free time anyway.

He began counting all of the socks he could see sticking out of the collection of clothes. Organization and listing had always helped situate his mind and get him back on track. After ten or so minutes, he was finally able to unstrap the kunai pouch, tossing it across the room, taking care to not pay attention where it landed. There had been a week where Kakashi didn’t even carry the bag because Gai had taken it and every sharp object he could find in the apartment under the pretense of helping him hone his taijutsu by not relying on weapons. He had been content to let Gai keep the explanation at that. That might be something to revisit soon.

No. Gai had already done more than enough for him.

Kakashi found himself standing in his small bathroom. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d been in the living room, but he was now free of his bandages and shoes. He shrugged, reaching behind his head to untie his headband. Somehow, it had gotten knotted worse than usual and a section of his hair was caught in it. He yanked viciously at it, breathing in through gritted teeth at the sting then feeling himself relax ever so slightly. Forgoing undoing the knot, he slid it along the trapped segment of hair until the headband came free. That made it on to the counter. That never saw the floor, unlike every other part of his wardrobe had

.Next to the headband on the counter was a scattered collection of varying sizes of orange plastic bottles with thick white caps. The clinical labels all had his name, and the names of various antidepressants and antianxiety medications, as well as several painkillers and muscle relaxants and some antibiotic from the mission a couple years back where everyone returned miserably ill. Most of the bottles were empty, and he had held on to them meaning to get them refilled. He always had good intentions, but there was so many things to do in a day, and he ran out of energy usually three or four items into his list.

The one thing he could always count of having around, though, was some kind of pain relief.

Missions were hard, somehow harder now than ever with him as a jonin leader. He still had teammates, but they relied fully on him to take the brunt of every attack and to protect them at all costs. He couldn’t blame them, of course. They were children. He wanted nothing more than for them to be children and not suffer the same losses he had.

Still, he was sure to return from every mission above a D rank with at least a few nasty bruises. And any time Gai could rope him into a training session, he knew he’d come home needing ice packs and the heating pad and whatever else he could get to be able to train with his team the next morning.

And that was how he found himself glaring into the mirror, the bottle of white tablets shaking in his fist.

He was certainly in pain, that couldn’t be argued.

But how many to take?

No orange sherbet.

He shook his head vigorously again, walking back into the living room and falling onto the couch. He focused on a mark on the ceiling, breathing faster than he understood why while his vision started swimming.

There wasn’t orange sherbet.

He was a drain on Gai.

His students didn’t need him—they’d surpass him soon enough.

There were still villagers who called him Friend-Killer Kakashi,

He still saw faces every time he laid down to sleep.

He felt Rin’s blood splash onto his chest every time he used the Chidori,

Sometimes he understood what must’ve gone through his father’s head.

He couldn’t help Itachi

He couldn’t help anyone,

Sometimes, the corner store doesn’t have orange sherbet.

Sometimes, the little orange bottle that rattles doesn’t rattle any more.

He was in the kitchen, water dripping off his face and hands as he panted over the sink. How did he get here? He swallowed hard, his mouth somehow still dry, and turned the water off. The prescription bottle was laying on the floor. Then so was he. Against the cold tile, he was able to relax just a bit again.

It’d be over soon. He wouldn’t hurt anyone else ever again.

His thoughts became harder to string along, but that didn’t bother him. The thoughts he could connect didn’t sting as much as they usually did. It might be nice to put away that laundry, actually.

Every muscle was heavy. There was so much weight on him, and he couldn’t move. How much time had passed? He thought his heart was starting to race, and wondered if he was having second thoughts. But he couldn’t feel the ground beneath him any longer. He struggled for hours, days, to move his index finger to trace the hem of his shirt over and over. Could he feel it? Was he moving?

He rolled to his side, slowly bringing his knees up to prepare to stand. But his body didn’t move. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He couldn’t? His… It was his body. But? Was he? Could move? …Him?

Several centuries had passed before he heard the key in the door, and the door had already been sealed shut before he understood what the noise was.

“Ka-KASHI! In celebration of your return home from your latest mission, I made sure to grab a treat. Do you remember when you left the ANBU and we went to the corner store together? What a celebration to end all celebrations that day was! I was sure to grab the finest, most youthful of every snack—orange sherbet!”

***

Gai held the thin plastic bag up triumphantly, two pints rolling against each other. Normally he would have also grabbed spoons, but assuming Kakashi would be home, he was sure he could find two spoons somewhere in the apartment, even if he had to wash every dish himself.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed to him that Kakashi was on a downswing lately, but he’d always been the counter to balance his own exuberance, and he had complete confidence that they would move past this, too.

He nudged the flak vest that was crumpled on the ground at his feet. Kakashi must’ve been itching to take it off to have removed it the second he got inside. But why wouldn’t he have hung it up, or placed it at least near the hamper? This wasn’t part of the routine. Had he been badly injured on this last mission?

That must be it. He would have come home, shed his clothing, and jumped in the shower to clean his wounds and begin loosening his muscles. Much to Gai’s dismay, Kakashi seemed to be magnetically repelled from hospitals, preferring to treat his wounds himself as long as he could walk. So he must have some sort of torso injury, maybe bruised ribs or a minor stab wound, and he was surely tending to it quietly deeper inside the apartment.

The laundry he had helped Kakashi wash last week was still in the soft, cushioned chair in the dim living room. That wasn’t too surprising, he knew that was the first thing Kakashi would let fall by the wayside if something wasn’t going to get done. As long as the clothes were clean, he could wear them, even if they hadn’t been neatly hung, and that was something Gai could live with.

What he did not appreciate the sight of, however, was the kunai pouch halfway under the end table near the entry way. With such an inconvenient location, Kakashi surely must have made an effort to lose the bag and the knives it contained. He felt his heart swell with pride that Kakashi had the forethought to disregard the bag, but his heart deflated just as quickly with the knowledge that Kakashi felt it necessary to do so.

As he continued into the apartment, he called out his rival’s name once or twice. He must be home. The barrier seals hadn’t been placed over the front door, which means he either was here, or kidnapped from here, and the building still existed, so he must not have been kidnapped. So where was he?

Conscious of the rapidly melting sherbet in his hand, he turned down the hallway to the kitchen to leave the bad in the freezer while he helped Kakashi, presumably in the bedroom, bandage his wounds.

As he rounded the corner, flipping on the lights as he went, he heard a small groan. Nothing at eye level. Cautiously stepping forward, his foot sent a small orange plastic bottle skittering across the tiles.

Gai was barely aware of the sherbet hitting the ground.

Kakashi looked terrible. It was not particularly strange to find him lying on the ground, but there was absolutely no color in his face. Both of his eyes were lazily opened, and neither focused on Gai’s as he kneeled down to check his vitals. His breathing was shallow and his heart rate garbage.

“What did you DO?”

Gai yanked Kakashi up into a sitting position, grabbing for the prescription bottle. Depending on what it said, maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe he’d been poisoned. Maybe even food poisoning. But the signs of an opiate overdose matched the label printed in cruelly clinical terms and he crushed the plastic in his fist. Kakashi needed to get to a hospital, and he needed to get there immediately.

He gathered his rival in his arms, not noticing his weight nearly as much as he noticed how limp he was, making no effort to not be ragdolled around. As he stood up, he took stock again of Kakashi’s breathing—shallower than a moment ago. After a second’s hesitation, he reached for the edge of his mask and yanked it down under his chin, hoping the direct access of air to his lips and nose might help. His lips had some color in them still, and he looked away, trying to respect the privacy of the man who he would kill as soon as he was saved.

***

Some time in the next twenty-four hours, Kakashi’s eyes opened. When they did, blinded by the light and surrounded by medical whites, he was shocked to find himself actually in heaven. What brought him back to earth was Gai, unceremoniously slapping his shoulder.

“What, my dear, dear rival, were you thinking?” he said, thankfully not as loudly as he could have.

Kakashi was at a loss. There were dozens, hundreds of thoughts racing through his head, but they all seemed password-protected and he didn’t have administrative access. He could barely open his mouth, covered by a thin towel, let alone form an explanation that would have made any sense to Gai.

Instead, he surprised himself by feeling the towel suddenly go cold and cling to his skin.

Gai panicked for a moment at the sight of Kakashi’s tears, then took a deep breath and slid forward to the edge of his chair. He brushed a warm, calloused thumb across his rival’s face.

“I know you’re in pain. I do. I don’t understand it, but I believe that you’re in pain and we’re going to help you get better.” He took a shuddering breath, noting that it was thicker with emotion than he had anticipated. “I don’t know what the future is going to hold for us, but the passion of our youth, and especially of your youth, Kakashi, is not close to over. So, whatever it takes, whatever the Yamanakas advise and whatever you need, we’ll make it happen. I love you, and you’re not going anywhere.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened, and Gai became aware that he had opened his Sharingan at some point to record this moment in his memory. He swallowed, feeling his throat begin to ache.

“I love you.”

Kakashi’s tears began falling in a steady stream, and Gai remained exactly where he was, brushing soft, silver hair off of his rival’s forehead. After a moment, he leaned further forward and pressed his forehead against the space he had just cleared.

In a small, scratchy voice he had not heard from the man laying before him ever in the past, he heard a whisper that nearly broke his heart.

“I love you too.”

#first fic ive written in years #hope its any good #pls let me know what you think #kakagai #kakashi hakate #kakashi x gai #kakashi angst

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sunnywritesstuff34 · 3 years

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Illusions

(Yayyyy. Another one. It’s been a while, sorry. just wanna preface this by saying that like... I usually don’t really give a shit about Obito, but I figured this was a natural progression of the story and I kinda wanted to try and dive into Obito’s psyche a little so. here we go. tell me what you think. @ghostjellyfishheart here’s the next chapter lol. pls mind the tw’s)

TW and CW for: MAJOR UNREALITY, seriously stay safe, Obito is kinda spiraling a lot, grieving, struggling with morality, drinking, alcohol, less then stellar coping mechanisms of all kinds, don’t do this kids, child death, ghost child, dead kid, you don’t like... see her die but Rin is very much not alive, references to suicide, implied suicide, the uchiha massacre is its own warning, murder, its bad. its just. its just bad. did I mention unreality? a lot of that, death of a family member, obito is having a hard time with feelings, probably dis@ssociation, pretentious symbolism, scratch that, definitely dis@ssociation

Obito Uchiha is upset.

And that is, frankly, ridiculous. Obito does not get upset. What does upset even mean? Is he sad? Mourning, perhaps? Or is he just worried? Either way, its borderline impossible. He shouldn’t be feeling anything. Obito doesn’t feel anything. Sure, he plays at it, when he’s Tobi. He feigns and pretends, he’s good at that. That is what he is, that is all he is. To Itachi, he is Madara. To Konan and Nagito, he is Obito. To everyone else, he is Tobi. Obito has taken on mask after mask after mask on in his life, both figuratively and literally. Sometimes he doesn't know where Obito ends and another begins. Obito does not feel anything, not for anyone that isn't Rin. Never for anyone that isn't Rin, and he left her behind a long time ago. And yet this boy, this child, has him reeling somehow. Has him… well, like before, the only word he can use is upset. He is rattled. And it has been so long, so long since he’s felt anything at all, that he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to fix it. He kept seeing Sasuke in his head, kept remembering memories from years ago when he thought about the kid being gone forever. He remembered the first few years Itachi brought Sasuke to the compound, he remembered spontaneously discovering his obsession with tomatoes by accident with Kisame (who would not stop laughing. He had just never seen anybody. Put an entire tomato in their mouth. And Sasuke did it like it was the most natural thing in the world! Kisame wouldn't shut up about it for at least a week). He remembered helping the boy train with his newly forged chokuto, he remembered the grim determination towards his family and how much it reminded Obito of himself, he remembered all of it. And none of that should have mattered, because it wasn't real. None of it was real, the next world would be. The next world with Rin and Kakashi and Minato-sensei still alive, a world without… without Sasuke. Or any of the other Akatsuki. And that was what he wanted. He was sure that was what he wanted. Only in his room could he show the weakness tightly coiled in his stomach. But there was a knock on his door and it made him straighten up, instantly putting the mask that he just took off back on his face. He walked to the door and opened it, only to find the older Uchiha brother staring back at him. Obito blinked.

“Itachi-san. What are you… what are you doing here? I- uh… come in.” Obito and Itachi sat down at the small table in Obito’s room and stared at each other awkwardly. “So… how can I help you?” Obito tried to ask, unsure of whether to say it like Tobi or just let his guard down and talk like himself (whoever that was). Itachi cleared his throat.

“You are the only person in this godforsaken place that has sake that's worth a damn,” Itachi explained calmly. He looked away. “It has… been a long week.” Obito could tell the truth in that statement just from his cousin’s voice. Itachi sounded exhausted, and the perpetual mask of indifference had begun to slip when his little brother went missing. The two of them looked at each other and came to an understanding. For the next few minutes, there was no talking. Obito grabbed some glasses and poured his strongest sake out for the both of them, and they drank in silence. They only actually picked up a conversation once they were both drunk enough for the awkwardness to melt away.

“He’s likely not dead,” Obito commented bluntly. Itachi only sighed.

“If he is, I have no idea what I'd do,” Itachi grumbled casually, like it was an ordinary thing to say. “Certainly wouldn't stick around here. Probably follow in Shisui’s footsteps.” Obito only nodded, knowing better than to pry on that particular bit of insight into Itachi’s life. They were silent for a few more minutes before Obito spoke again.

“The massacre,” Obito started. “I was long gone by the time it happened. What… are you and Sasuke really the only survivors as the rumors say?” Itachi nodded, throwing back another glass. Obito thought about that bitterly, about his grandmother who wouldn't have been spared. Itachi sighed.

“Right. I've never really talked about this with anyone, and Sasuke and I don't speak about it much. You know how sharingan awakening works, yes?” Obito nodded, mind involuntarily flashing to his own experience.

“Well I made some genuine friends on my genin team. It was the first time I ever had any friends.” Obito closed his eyes and took another sip. Friends, sharingan awakening. Being crushed under a boulder with your crying teammates looming over you. Thinking, no, don't cry, it doesn't hurt. It really doesn't hurt. I can't feel anything, please don't cry. Watching a particular white haired individual (a traitor, that traitor) desperately try to save you. Losing a part of yourself, a part of yourself you didn't even know you had, and giving it to someone else. Forever living with that, knowing that your other eye is somewhere, because you can still feel it, but not knowing much else. The aching absence that grows from that. He opened his eyes again. “I watched them die, right in front of my eyes. That awakened my Sharingan, and when I went home, my father congratulated me. He congratulated me. It was a nightmare and he was proud. I don't know, that always stuck with me. But anyway,” Itachi paused to drink more sake as the room spun. “Sasuke’s eyes woke during the massacre. I didn't get there in time. He watched our parents die, managed to hide in the closet and keep quiet the whole time so they didn't find him. I got there in time to stop them from killing him, and realized his sharingan had awakened because of everything. I wasn't able to save anyone, but I was able to save him, and that's all that matters.”

“I understand,” Obito replied evenly. “I know what it's like to be too late.”

Itachi’s eyes slid over to him. “Yeah well… whatever. The Uchiha had been planning a coup for a while. Danzo, he gave me a choice. Either kill everyone myself and have Sasuke be spared to live happily in the village. Or, to let them kill everyone, Sasuke included. I didn't… I refused either option and tried to get there but I was too late. They killed everyone in one night, a bunch of Anbu who were deployed for the massacre. Like I said, Sasuke managed to hide. I knew that Danzo would be after us, so I grabbed Sasuke and we got the hell out of dodge. He didn't speak for months afterwards. Not a single word, other than screaming during his nightmares. It was probably a little selfish, but I… I missed him. There was no more ‘Itachi, look at the score I got at the academy!’ or ‘Itachi look, look I learned a new move!’ There was just… nothing. He was so vacant. If he's dead- if he’s dead after everything we’ve been through, I don't- I have no idea what I'll do. We have to find him, and we have to kill the people who took him away from us. We have to.” I know, he wanted to shout. I know, I feel the same way, but I don't know why! Itachi left not long after that, stumbled back to his room, and Obito fell asleep in his armchair. That night he had a dream, a dream of Rin. it had been years since he dreamed of her, usually they were memories and bits and pieces, but this was different. He opened his eyes in his dream to a dark plane filled with ink, darkness stretching in every direction. It was a frequent setting he found himself in, usually the dream would be about him sinking into the oily substance until he couldn't breath. But this time it was low enough to wade in, his feet touching the ground, whatever that was. In the middle of the expanse, there was a bone white skeleton of some creature he didn't recognize, and Rin. He staggered towards her, and she hugged him without a word. In dreams like this he was always covered in blood, the Obito from years past. But now he was just him, and he was maskless.

“Just what have you gotten yourself into now, Obito?” she asked, and it sounded just like her. It wasn't her, he was fairly sure of that, he was dreaming for god’s sake, but it sounded like her. It seemed like her, and that was enough. “It's okay to be worried about the kid,” she said, running fingers through his hair while he tried to calm his breathing.

“It's not real,” he managed hoarsely. “None of it. Nothing in this world is real, I shouldn't feel anything. So why… Why do I…”

“Does it matter if it's real?” she asked. “It feels real. Maybe it is, Obito.”

“Obito is dead,” he whispered. “At least the one you knew- Obito doesn't exist anymore.” Rin only shook her head, looking past him at nothing at all and smiling sadly.

“I don't believe you,” she said evenly. “You're still Obito. No matter how many names you take or how many masks you wear, I know who you are. And I think you do too.”

“It's not real,” he tried again, weakly.

“If it's not real, then why do you help Konan with the dishes? If it's not real, then why do you want to save Itachi’s brother so badly? Why do you make plans for Nagato’s dream in the supposed next world when you don't have to? Why do you stick around Deidara to make sure he doesn't get killed? Why do you help Sasori with his puppets? Why, Obito?”

“I can't be Obito,” he muttered quietly. “He’s dead. He died with you.”

“He is right here. He is sitting here with me. You're still you. You'll always be you.”

“B-But…. But Madara-”

“Madara is dead,” she said with finality, shaking her head. “Madara is a dead man now. You are the only thing that can bring him back, and you have a choice.”

“I've never had a choice.”

“You do now. Madara isn't here.”

“This is all just an illusion.” She smiled sadly.

“I'm an illusion, Obito. Your world is not.”

His dream didn't fade out from there. One second he was sitting in a dark dreamscape with his dead friend, and the next he was in the Akatsuki lair, laying in an armchair, sitting up and gasping for breath. His back hurt and his neck was aching from the weird position he dozed off in, and Obito could already feel the nausea of an inevitable hangover coming on. Still, he sat up properly, stretching his neck and running a hand through his short hair. Itachi was probably passed out in his room or throwing up already, and Obito had a hunch that he’d be feeling the same way pretty soon. He looked down at the floor and forced his eyes to focus. He didn't have time for a drunken hallucination within a drunken hallucination. But when he turned his head, he felt himself recoil and raise his hands to his face. The orange plastic from the ground winked back at him. Obito had taken his mask off. And now it was cracked.

#yeahhhh #lol anyway #was this short?#maybe #Obito knew most of those details about the massacre #obito #obito uchiha #uchiha massacre #akatsuki #kisame #Sasuke Uchiha #itachi uchiha #uchiha itachi #naruto #naruto fanfiction #naruto fanfic #naruto au #unreality tw #madara uchiha

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gravityunforgiven · 3 years

Text

Right Where You Left Me (Kakashi x OC)

Pairings: Kakashi x OC, Jiraiya x Tsunade, Dan x Tsunade

Synopsis:

She was the daughter of a Legendary Sannin, He, a son of a disgraced shinobi. Fate brought them together but life tore them apart. Will they be able to take control of their destinies and find their way back to each other?

...Or will they be another victim of the cruel shinobi world they are both a part of?

Chapter Three

She was barely three when their paths first met. She had his attention for about ten minutes then that was it for the first meeting. It was because of her age and her last name. The Senju clan, nowadays, was only seen or heard in their history textbooks. Now there was one standing right infront of the class.

This is new. He remembered thinking.

They never really interacted because he was a chūnin a week later. She didn’t really notice his departure either. All she knew was the. class celebrated for something and the boy with the scarf was gone.

She stayed in the academy until she was six. She was hardly at school in her first year and the teachers didn’t question it. She was still young after all. She can take her time. She spent most of her days that year in the Medical Division of Konohagakure. She can learn ninjutsu from a lot of people but there was only one person to learn medical ninjutsu from.

Their paths crossed again when she was nine. Her mother just left. Jiraiya was knee-deep in his travels and she was stayed with her master, Inoichi Yamanka, before she moved to her own apartment. The Senju compound was too big for to live in alone.

Minato was teaching her a jutsu when the team he was leading arrived. This time he was able to introduce himself.

“Kakashi Hatake.” He said, almost too impatiently.

“Nice too meet you.” She replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She stayed with them for the rest of the afternoon then tagged along for a couple of B-Rank missions. They never talked more than what was needed. Rin became good friends with her. Obito was amused to see the girls braiding each other’s hair.

Minato, along with Inoichi Yamanaka, took her under their wing. They said she was special.

More than me? He so carelessly thought back then.

He wouldn’t realize until years later that she was so unique she became dispensable.

Because of her training with Minato, Akira became close to his-then girlfriend, Kushina. Kakashi saw how close they became they were almost like sisters.

Akira became a permanent figure in Kakashi’s life. They mostly ignored each other’s presence but he got so used to seeing her in the takoyaki shop he half-expected her to be there everytime he walked by. She wasn’t always with friends, most of the time she ate there on her own, in the same spot every single time.

That was until Team Minato was pulled into a mission. When they came back, she was nowhere to be found. At first no one was really bothered. After all, they were all shinobis and when duty calls, they go. But then weeks turned into months and still not even Akira’s shadow was seen. Rumors began spreading in the ranks about her whereabouts. Some says she was in a long term mission in the Land of Rains, others say she was captured and was being held and even Kurenai, who was like her older sister, together with the rest of their batch had no idea where she was or if she was in a mission. He heard Asuma talking about how he asked the Third Hokage about Akira, however, much to their dismay, his lips remained shut and he simply dismissed his son from his office.

Finally, Rin gathered her courage and asked their own sense if he knew anything about this. Minato fought with himself for a while. It was classified information but seeing the look from his students even Kakashi was enough him to give in. He made them swore to never breathe a word of what he was about to say.

“She joined the ANBU Black Ops.” Rin gasped. Obito’s jaw hung wide open. Kakashi who always seemed to be unfazed struggled to keep his cold composture together. They didn’t see that coming. Not in a million years. Kakashi remembered how her name was so fitting for her. She was always so...bright. She was like the sun on a beautiful day. Wherever you go, or whoever you are she will always graze you with her presence like the rays of a sunlight. She lacked the darkness necessary to be an ANBU. She was the complete opposite of those people.

“The Third Hokage allowed it?” Obito asked. Lord Third treated Akira like his very own grand-daughter. After all, she was the daughter of one of his legendary students. It was only fitting that he looed after all while her mother was unavailable.

“ No. He didn’t.” Minato replied.

“ She joined The Foundation.”

—————

He didn’t see her again until Rin’s death. Once, he had asked Minato why Akira was always sent on dangerous missions. Missions they usually were not allowed to do until they were further into their career. This took Minato by surprise. He didn’t know Kakashi had been observing the girl since he usually ignored her presence and vice-versa. The time the two would acknowledge each other is through their relentless bickering due to the fact that no one wants to admit they’re wrong and often times than not, it ends in a full-blown fight between the two prodigies.

Minato eyed the silver-haired ninja. He was usually not bothered by anything that doesn’t have to do with abiding with the rules but the look on his face was clear enough for Minato to realize that this was not the case.

“Being unique isn’t always good.” Minato started.

“You know she uses Wood Release right?”

Kakashi silently nodded. That was common knowledge in the village. Even in the neigboring lands, her reputation preceded her.

“Villages seek power to protect their lands. Right now, Akira is one of the greatest threats to their lands that’s why we train her as hard as we possibly can. A lot of people wants to hurt her and use her for their own good. They want to use one of our own against us.” He remembered Minato saying.

During Rin’s funeral, he caught only a glimpse of her from where he stood by the trees. She was at the back despite being a close friend of Rin’s. She stood silently and kept her eyes firmly on the floor. Kakashi wouldn’t have recognized her if it weren’t for her golden hair that stood out among the sea of dark colored heads. She’s so different. Everything’s changed so much. After a few hi’s and hello’s, she was once again gone. But despite the dark hole Kakashi fell into, for some reason, the girl with the blonde hair never completely left the his mind.

—————

The first time she actually talked to him first, he just joined the ANBU under the Fourth Hokage’s Command.

“I guess we’re teammates now.’ She said removing a wolf-shaped mask. He looked up from the bench he was sitting on in the locker rooms.

A grin was plastered on her face.He immediately recognized her voice though it’s been years since he last heard it. She was twelve and he was just about to turn fourteen that day. But they were so much older and wiser than the kids their age. They had witnessed so many deaths to be called children.

It was the burden of being one of a kind.

They now worked often with each other since they are now both under the Hokage’s command. Gone were the days of bickering and throwing insults at each other. He now knew the burden of being an ANBU. He wondered how much worse she had to do while under Lord Danzo’s command. How many had she killed? Can she even count it at this point?

Minato, after being named Hokage, recruited Akira back from The Foundation to his own a little too quickly than the elders were comfortable with. But the Yondaime Hokage was adamant to have Akira back on his care knowing how much the irreversible damage The Foundation can cause to a person.

Even now, the changes in Akira’s disposition was easily seen by those who knew her before her time in the Root. She still smiled and laughed like she did before but her eyes no longer had the same shine they had before. She tried to hide it. But Kakashi wasn’t so easily fooled. She was just glad he never said a single word about it.

Kakashi and Akira were placed on different teams. She was already leading a group of three people twice her size when he joined but every now and then, when the circumstances call for it, they will be paired together. An unspoken rule was formed between the two. As the only living members of Team Minato (though she tagged along for only a couple of missions) they were to protect each other as best they can.

Though she didn’t need much protection, Kakashi kept an eye on her for old times sake. Just like a few years earlier, they didn’t really talked much during their time in the ANBU. He was too busy wallowing in his guilt and she was kind enough to leave him in in his own knowing it was what he wanted but not exactly what he needed. All she could do was keep an eye on him and make sure he knows that she was there if he needed her.

Their relationship didn’t change from what it was during the time of Team Minato but this time, they treated each other with the utmost respect. They were comrades now. Though the rules of the ANBU stated that the mission comes first, they both knew they had each other’s back. After all, among their classmates, the two of them are the only ones who understood the loneliness of being an ANBU.

Of being truly and utterly alone.

—————

He knew she was brave. She had proven it time and time again. He had seen it from their time together when they were younger, they had heard stories from the older shinobis who had worked with her, and he saw it again every time they were paired in a mission. There was no question that she was brave but that night during the Kyūubi Attack, he was almost certain she too was looking for an easy way to just die. He had a good reason. Unlike her, he was dispensable. He had no one. All he had was the nightmares that haunt him at night. The faces of his fallen teammates and the cold body of his father playing again and again like a broken record every time he closes his eyes. That was all he had. If he dies, people would mourn, yes, but they would move on and go about their life. They would eventually forget and he would always remain the ninja who killed his friend to others.

He had no real purpose. He doesn’t have anyone left to protect. Or to live for.

She was different. She was loved by everyone. She was alone most of the time but she still had Jiraiya who comes and visit every now and then. She had a purpose. She had a reason to live.

Or so he thought.

They were placed inside a barrier the night of the Nine-Tails Attack. The elders said it wasn’t their fight. They have to sit this one out so they could live another day.

Kakashi looked around the group that they have formed. Most of his former classmates were on the front of the pack together with a few other shinobis their age but as he scanned the crowd, he quickly realized Akira was not among them.

He knew she took her first day off in months today. She had deliberately worked during her time off in order to gain more experience and training. Kakashi always thought how Akira seemed to always seem to act as if she was running out of time and how she wouldn’t take rest until she was forced to by the injuries she acquired during her missions.

This time was no different. She came back from a mission in the Land of Lighting only a couple of days ago and if it wasn’t for the direct order from the Hokage to take a break, she would have been out for another one by this time. He was unusually aware that she was hardly in the village these days.

It was a few minutes later when Akira’s figure emerged from the woods. She stopped dead at her tracks halfway into the clearing. A look of confusion was visible on her face as she scanned the scene ahead of her. What the hell?

Kakashi watched as Akira stopped dead in her tracks and stiffened as she took in the scene in front of her. For a moment, their eyes met and almost instantly, the look of confusion was gone in her face replaced with outrage.

She shoved the two jonins on her either side then she was on the run back to the village. Her path was quickly blocked by more leaf shinobis assigned to keep the younger ninjas safe.

“Lady Akira, please.” Shinku Yuhi, Kurenai’s father, pleaded.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” She spatted back. Her eyes were full of rage. This isn’t where she’s supposed to be. She should be where the fighting is, not kept away from it. This isn’t what she’s been training for.

“We’re just followi-“ He wasn’t able to finish his sentence because Akira was on him. pinning him down with earth style.

Kakashi and the rest of the group inside the barrier couldn’t do anything but watch as Akira battled five jōnins at once. Their mouths hung wide open as they saw firsthand Akira’s proficiency in using the wood style. The group, excluding Kakashi, had never seen someone use wood style in person. Despite the common knowledge that Akira was a wood style user, she only uses it as a last resort knowing that it would only gain more unwanted attention in terms of her capabilities. She usually relies on other nature transformations as much as she can.

This was the first time for most of the people in the clearing see someone use wood style and handle it with such finesse and ease as well. They thought that her skills was on full display that night but Kakashi knew how much she was trying to hold back. He knew she would have defeated them if she wasn’t being as cautious as she is in making sure to not harm any of her comrades and if she wasn’t still recovering from her recent injuries.

Eventually, Akira was outnumbered by the seven jōnins who fought with her and they tackled her to the ground. Her cheek pressed on the dirt as they tied her hands behind her back and made sure she could not weave any more signs.

She could see her classmates staring at her in shock. They haven’t really seen her in action as she didn’t officially join any team after graduation. They had no idea what she can do. Or what I’ve done.

Once she was in the barrier Kurenai quickly untied the younger girl’s hand. Akira was still half a foot shorter than herself but she seemed so much older already.

Akira relentlessly pounded on the barrier. Her right hand was still bandaged but her hits did not falter.

“Listen, I know you have your orders but it doesn’t include me! I can help capture the nine tails with wood style! Don’t you understand that?!” She was practically screaming at her superiors standing only a fees feet away. She was trained to fight. To save the village. To not let anyone get hurt, to help the Hokage the best she can. That was what they drilled into her brain growing up. There was a reason she had all these abilities and she should use to help others. Being stuck inside a barrier wasn’t part of any plan.

“Lord Third specifically mentioned you, Akira.” Shinku replied. Akira was confused. She was the protector not the one who needed protecting. She would gladly lay her life for the billage but now, they’re asking her to sit back and watch the village burn just so she could remain safe?

“Akira, stop.” Kurenai was barely able to grab her arm mid-punch to keep it from colliding with the barrier once again.

“Damn it!” She gave the barrier once last hit and turned around. She didn’t saw it but the rest did as the barrier flickered and for a moment, a crack appeared from where punched the barrier.

Her abilities were one thing, her raw power were another.

“Just calm down, will you?” Kurenai was on Akira’s heels as she made her way to the back.

“Lord Third must have a reason of he wanted you here, Akira.” Gai chirped in attempt to help Kurenai calm the still seething Akira.

“Orders are orders, Akira. We can’t do anything about that.” Kakashi says. He wanted to fight as bad as she does. He knew Minato was out there fighting the kyūubi and having them in the field would be a great help for the village. Kakashi secretly hoped Akira could somehow break them out of this bubble so they could fulfill their duties instead of being forced to watch as the nine-tails burn their village just because they were not old enough.

“You know I don’t care about orders, Kakashi.”She snapped right back at him. She followed orders because it was the right thing to do, but unlike him, she had no problem on breaking it when push comes to shove.

Akira had already decided what she needed to do when Kurenai noticed. “No,no. Don’t even think about it.” Kurenai had grabbed Akira’s arm and gave her a stern look. She can’t do this.

“You can die.” Akira didn’t need any reminder. She was aware of the risks she as taking but she couldn’t care less about that right now. There were just some things that had to be done no matter what the consequences were.

“Only one way to know.” She said, already performing the hand signs for the jutsu. She’ll deal with the consequences for her action later, for now, she’ll do what she knows is right.

“Ghost Transformation Jutsu!” Akira’s body fell on the ground as her soul ascended. She was engulfed in a white glow as the others watched in awe. She didn’t waste any more time and disappeared in the sky like a shooting star to the direction of their village. She didn’t know if she can comeback to her body as she hadn’t mastered the jutsu yet and Inoichi had strongly discouraged in practicing without his guidance. She still haven’t got the right skill and the possibility of her being stuck in this form until her death was much greater than she would like to admit.

Kurenai watched as the girl’s body fell onto the ground as her soul left her body and into the night. She barely caught Akira’s head before her body collided on the soil. She was well-aware of the fact that Inoichi had barred Akira in practicing this jutsu without his guidance proving that the jutsu was more dangerous than what Akira could handle at the moment. It was no simple technique that could be undone in a matter of days. They were talking about life and death on this one.

The people outside the barrier were also alarmed of the what Akira had done. They were former comrades with her father, Dan, and they were well aware of the implications that came in using this jutsu. Even with Akira’s huge chakra reserves, she could still potentially ran out of it if she wasn’t careful of her actions.

They soon realized Akira was not being careful at all as blood soaked through her shirt and the land beneath her darkened from the massive amount of blood leaving her body.

No one knew what happened but a loud explosion was heard from where they were and the next thing they knew, Akira was just bleeding on the ground.

Kakashi was quick to react and firmly pressed his hands on Akira’s wounds on her midsection. There was just so much blood oozing out of her wound despite the pressure Kakashi was putting on. Kurenai was nearly in tears as she held the smaller girl’s head in her lap.

“It’s the jutsu.” Kurenai said when Kakashi’s clearly worried eye met hers. “Whatever happens to her soul also happens to her body.”

She was unconscious for two weeks. People wondered if another name was to be added in the already long list of the people who lost their lives that night.

What happened with her, the Third Hokage was the only one alive who knows.

Next Up: LOTS of Kakashi fluff.

Ask or Reblog for a tag!

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power-of-plot · 3 years

Note

Hi it's me again! May I request a hcs for Kakashi, Jiraiya and Naruto react to their s/o who didn't come back from the mission?

I love you but i hate you. -SIPS TEA-

Warnings: Angst. Death. Suggestive themes-alcohol. Like one cussing word.

N A R U T O

At first, he is furious though he doesn’t know if at the world of himself, the one who caused it or the one who could’ve kept the tragedy from happening, he gets trapped in loop of thinking what if he could’ve done this or that then make the regret stronger by remembering he didn’t do anything.

He was aware you weren’t weak and you could deal with things on your own still he can’t help but think a single time he was more insistent with joining you on the mission could’ve made a difference.

Ramen doesn’t taste the same for several days, it’s not broth from the gods anymore but boiling water with dough and condiments in it, even the food reminds him of you, he cried several times to his ramen remembering the time he’d bring you to Ichiraku or give you his special edition ramen.

This also makes him think about Sasuke, everyday he was exposed to a danger that could take his life, yes he did it willingly but he lost the way thanks to his hatred and dispair clouding his judgment, he had to save him.. if only he was able to.

He thought all his tears have dried to the day of the funeral, little did he know the double of what he shed before would burst out at the sight of the gravestone, all the people around flinched at the sudden sound of his weep.

After that, he is way more protective with the people around him as much as he can, each succes or victory lifts him up to the sky but each failure slams him to the groud, it takes a while before he process things the way he used to.

He visits almost daily, taking breaks of one or two days, and brings fine white flowers always saying hello and goodbye, maybe just trying to make himself think someone is listening.

J I R A I Y A

After so many unexpected losses he blames himself, after losing people throught his life so many times he should’ve gotten used to it but this must be of the most painful ones yet.

He had learnt to let go of his uncorresponded love for both’s good, he was finally experiencing the love he longed for after so long just to see it slipping like water through his fingers, it was beyond his reach to do anything.

Tsunade, as the Hokage was the one to tell him. That day was the second time she witnessed him losing control of his tears, the first one being after he found out the Rain orphans have died in the war. The look on his eyes changed completely, his gaze stopped being up in the sky and there were no clumsy steps or any words as he left the office.

At home alone he wants to scream his lungs out in insults and push everything on sight to the floor but as he was about to release the words his teeth gritted prisioning the cursing, his fingers froze in place when they were about to touch any object. He simply fell down as tears subsided.

Each time he looks at Naruto, Tsunade or Kakashi he feels afraid inside, of not doing anything about it or being the cause they end up getting hurt or worse, specially for the ones he had trained, what if all this time it’s not a coincidence but his wrongs what caused the death of those innocent people-

His magazines stay in the same place for more than a week, so does his pen, he stopped showing up in the Hokage office and the hot springs, all the way until the funeral. The Jiraiya of that day was different, his hair didn’t look as treated as usual, his glance was dull and tired, his words reduced to the minimum.

The day after he drinks sake until everything seems to spin around at home, not in a restaurant where he usually would, this wasn’t a careless way of having fun and killing time.. it was a quick escape borrowing the relief of the next day, if there even was.

K A K A S H I

He has to remind himself he was prepared if the day ever came, as shinobi death was part of their everyday rutine, there always was the chance each mission could be the last one. Even aware of this fact, why didn’t he do more when you left for that mission?

Looking at it on a rational way, the most optimum option was to stay away from thinking about it more than he already had, even before it happened it already was like a memory rather than a thought but wouldn’t that turn him into a heartless man? He was struggling with the same shit again, to follow the rules or not.. for his sake-

He remembers the day Obito died, he wishes it had been him who got crushed by the debris instead, Rin and Obito would be together, you would have met someone better..

His pervy novels feel meaningless, there was no heart attacks out of mistakenly thinking you had found his books, no use of willpower to not blush infront of you while reading, it all was gone forever. What was the point of reading those books again anyway.

He was completely silent during the funeral, he stayed there staring at the grave even after everyone had left, each of them felt bad of leaving him there but no one was able to move him. His feet were glued to the grass.

It was a desolating sight, the jounin unbothered by the strong rain or scorching sun with his eye fixed on the ground, if any tears formed they would never fall as the fabric of his mask would absorb it. Is this how his father felt with his mother and.. himself?

I need a tissue ;-; ... Requests are now closed!

#that's all #thanks for the ask!#naruto headcanons #naruto x reader #this hurt #i'm serious #stop making me sad #srry this took too long #naruto angst #k done

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depressedhatakekakashi · 2 years

Note

On a more fluffy(-ish) note, Gai and Rin absolutely fussing the hell over Kakashi after he's back

Gai wasn't there to experience the news live, but Rin was so distress when she told him what happened and now Kakashi's punishment is that they're gonna stick to his side like annoying little things until Kakashi understands how much it would have broke them if he had stayed dead

(And let's not start on those three after Gai uses all the gates during the war-)

Gai and Rin are doing everything that they can to make sure nothing happens to Kakashi again. It doesn’t matter what foes they have to face, they’re keeping him alive

I think that might even be a breaking point fir the relationship (in a good way) where everything was platonic with a but of fun, but now Gai and Rin know without a doubt that Kakashi is just as important to them as each other (which they always knew but in a romantic sense now)

Kakashi and Rin would also do the same to Gai after the war. Kakashi’s the moral support going to all the physicsl therapy sessions that he can between Hokage duties, and Rin’s the doctor who’s aiding him through every step (though she’s not the doctor actually healing him/telling him about his injuries and what he has to do)

Rin and Kakashi even have a long conversation about Gai’s leg after getting the news and it’s Rin who convinces him that getting it amputated and trying a prosthetic might be the better choice for him. They have to go through a few trial runs, but they end up finding the perfect prosthetic after a while and it helps Gai move around a bit more freely. He still has the phantom pains from where his leg was broken, and struggles a lot with the loss of his leg, but he agrees it’s better for him and what he wants to do in his life.

#KakagaiRin

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cyhyr · 3 years

Text

Whumpmas In July: Closure

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: E

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka

WC: ~3950

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Wakes & Funerals, Angst, fluff, smut, blow jobs, hand jobs, moving in together

A/N: BUT LIKE THIS IS JUST P0RN WITH *~*FEELINGS*~*

Conclusion, Starting from "Sleep"

Read After “Hope”

For @whumpmasinjuly prompt list

Read on The Archive

Kakashi sits on the edge of the bed and watches Iruka dress. Black on black on black formalwear; he’s dressed similarly. Iruka is fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt, watching himself in the mirror that hangs on the closet door. His hair is still loose, slightly damp at the ends from his shower and curling at his shoulders. It’ll straighten as it dries, Kakashi knows.

“Love.”

Iruka drops his hands. He’s been fumbling the same button for a few seconds.

Kakashi stands and crosses the room. He reaches around Iruka, drawing his back to his chest, and finishes the line of the shirt. With gentle coaxing, he turns Iruka around and then pulls him back into a tight hug.

“We don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

Iruka rests his forehead on Kakashi’s shoulder, his hands light on his waist. “No one else will,” he says quietly.

“That doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility.”

“What am I supposed to do? Just let his spirit float aimlessly?”

Kakashi doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know how. He just holds Iruka tighter.

“I need this,” Iruka murmurs. “I need to do this.”

“Alright,” Kakashi kisses his hairline. “Alright.”

He stays at the edge of the cemetery, watching Iruka and the priest speak. He’s too far away to hear. He doesn’t care.

The fuck died a traitor to the village, a rapist and an abuser to the end.

All around this cemetery are the ancestors of civilian families who have lived in Konoha and the Land of Fire for decades, centuries. This… he doesn’t deserve to share the same space as them.

But.

Iruka fought for it. He petitioned Tsunade, and spoke to the priests, and arranged for as many of the funeral rites as he could reasonably be allowed. Mizuki’s name won’t go on the Stone, nor was he allowed to be enshrined in the cemetery with other fallen shinobi. And Iruka was… he accepted the terms.

So this morning they picked up Mizuki’s ashes and bones.

And now they’re here, with incense and candles and one lone white chrysanthemum in Iruka’s fingers. When they’d gotten here, the priest had asked if they wanted to wait for anyone else, but Iruka had sadly murmured to just get it over with. No one else was coming. Iruka had sent out notices to their classmates, old coworkers, the woman that Mizuki had after Iruka; no one had responded.

Kakashi had held Iruka through the disappointment last night. Iruka had hoped that the woman, Tsubaki, would at least show. But yesterday was just like today; nothing and no one else.

So he watches. The incense is lit and prayers are said, the bones and ashes are laid before the gravestone, covered with the wooden marker and one of the few photographs Iruka still has of Mizuki, one taken back when they both had finally completed their first year of teaching.

“This one,” he had said, picking it out of the album. He had put his fingertip lovingly over Mizuki’s face and held back tears, continuing, “We. We were happy, then… I think. Maybe it wasn’t real, but it felt—right.”

Finally the priest finishes the prayers and rites, and the ashes and bones are buried, the marker placed. The priest seems to offer Iruka their condolences one last time, and then leaves. Kakashi holds up a hand to stop them as they approach, and takes out a heavy envelope from his inner jacket pocket. With a slight bow he offers the envelope to the priest, and they accept it silently.

Iruka had told him he could cover the expenses for the service.

Kakashi needs to do this for him, though. It’s all he can do now, really.

Because he’s trying. He’s trying to be objective at least. But this dick abused his lover for years, conditioned him into acting certain ways under stress; and now Iruka takes a small cocktail of medication everyday to keep himself stable. And he can’t forget that, let alone forgive. He won’t.

He’s glad Mizuki’s dead. And also, he’s of the opinion that Mizuki doesn’t deserve the same rites that the dead typically receive. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with the same dignity that everyone else is—Minato-sensei, Obito, Rin.

(Not his father. He. He never did this for Sakumo. He was too young, in too much pain, and the village was all too pleased to see Sakumo gone. He regrets that now, but he can’t… well. The bones and ashes are still in the family shrine. Maybe…)

So instead he pays for the service, and for the cremation, and for the burial, and includes a significant donation to inspire the priests to come by and pray over Mizuki’s grave for the next year or so. Because that’s what Iruka would want. He would want someone to help this poor fuck, even if it couldn’t be himself.

Kakashi wonders if Mizuki knew how lucky he was, to have the devotion of the one person in the entire village—likely the entire world—who knows only how to see the good in people. He wonders if Mizuki knows now how lucky he is, that even though Iruka killed him, even though Mizuki raped him and beat him and brutalized him… Iruka is here, when no one else would step up, praying over his ashes for his soul to find peace.

Because—and it hurts to admit it—Iruka loved him.

Iruka smiles and the sun comes out; Iruka leans on Kakashi and the south winds warm him from the inside out; Iruka kisses him and it’s a revelation. And it’s his capacity to love, and especially to love broken people, that’s given Kakashi the chance to have this. Not his humanity—though that is such a bonus—but this unending fount of love Iruka seems to be made of; that’s his strength.

It’s also his most dire weakness. And Mizuki took advantage of that. He took all the love Iruka gave him and twisted it into something dark and bitter. But instead of running or fighting like any other shinobi should have, Iruka’s response was simply to love Mizuki harder. Maybe they drove each other to the heights of insanity they eventually reached.

Kakashi will never know. And after today he won’t care.

He enters the cemetery to go and stand silently beside Iruka, still praying. Eventually, Iruka picks up his head and leans against Kakashi’s thigh.

“It wasn’t all bad, y’know,” Iruka mutters.

Kakashi doesn’t respond, only carefully places his hand on Iruka’s hair and petting gently.

“After the Kyūbi attack, we roomed together until we graduated from the Academy,” Iruka says. “Sometimes the heat would go out and he would come and huddle with me with all the extra blankets we had.”

He was probably just cold too.

“He stayed up all night with me to practice the clone jutsu before our final test, so we could graduate together.”

He was using your natural ability to teach to learn a last-minute technique.

“He taught Naruto how to roll omelets. That was. That was a nice morning.”

He… hmm.

“He wasn’t always a monster,” Iruka sniffles. “I… He was there, Kakashi.”

“I know, Love.”

“I never wanted this.”

“I know.”

“I thought… For so long, I thought we would be together forever. He was everything. And it was… it was okay. I didn’t know it could be any different.” Iruka looks up at him, tears stuck in his eyes. “He had it easy, didn’t he? I forgave everything he did to me.”

“But he took you for granted.”

“What he did was underestimate my protectiveness,” Iruka sighs. “Both times. It ended our relationship, and then it ended his life.”

They stay in the cemetery for a long time. Kakashi listens to Iruka tell him stories about Mizuki the boyfriend and tries to meld that with his own memories of Mizuki the abuser. When they leave, Iruka drops the chrysanthemum on top of the marker with a finality that screams where the rest of the cemetery is silent.

They go home later, and Iruka stops on the sidewalk looking at his house while Kakashi pushes the fence open and starts down the path to the front door. His black jacket is slung over his shoulder, and the sunset warms his skin and casts a reddish-orange glow onto his pale skin. He stops and turns, one foot propped on the second step up to the porch, and smiles back at Iruka.

That Iruka can tell he’s smiling with three-quarters of his face covered and three meters of space between them… Iruka realizes he’s so far gone on this man. He has been for months.

But Kakashi looks so perfect, waiting for him outside the house.

“Coming, Love?”

Iruka flushes, scratches at his scar, and walks up the path. When he’s close enough to Kakashi, he murmurs, “Hopefully later,” and passes on to the door to unlock it and release the wards. He leads the way inside and looks back over his shoulder to see Kakashi looking at his ass hungrily, still standing in the same spot and position he’d been when Iruka had passed him.

He grins. “Coming, Love?”

Kakashi looks up at him and whines, “Don’t tease.”

Iruka laughs. He turns and goes inside, leaving the door open for Kakashi to follow him. He tosses his keys onto the table in the genkan and begins toeing off his shoes.

Kakashi comes and stands behind him, putting his nose right in Iruka’s hair behind his ear. “Love you,” he mutters.

“Love you too,” Iruka responds. He twists and kisses Kakashi on the cheek, still masked.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Not hungry,” Iruka says. He finishes getting his shoes off and steps out of the genkan. He holds out his hands for Kakashi to take, and grins when he has Kakashi close again, now in the living room. “Though, if you’re on the menu…”

Kakashi takes down his mask, groaning deep in his chest. “I thought you said no Icha Icha lines.” He slips his arms around Iruka’s neck while Iruka’s hands go to Kakashi’s hips.

Iruka leans in slowly. “Are you really complaining?”

“No. No, gods, no. Please kiss me.”

Iruka deliberately kisses Kakashi on the corner of his mouth. And when Kakashi tries to turn into the kiss, he trails kisses away from Kakashi’s lips, across his jaw and down his neck.

“Iruka—!” Kakashi whines.

He walks them back to the couch, licking at Kakashi’s neck the whole while. He sits down and Kakashi falls after him, straddling his lap and cupping his face.

“It’s okay? Can I—?”

“Kakashi, please keep kissing m—”

He does. He dives in and coaxes Iruka’s lips apart so their tongues can glide together. All the while his hips are slowly rocking against Iruka’s; he grabs Kakashi low on his hips and urges him to grind faster.

“You and your—oh, gods—fucking suit,” Kakashi pants into his mouth. “Gorgeous. Godsdamned gorgeous in this.”

Iruka tips his head back and lets Kakashi kiss and lick down his neck. Fingers grapple at his tie and collar, fumble with his shirt. Iruka’s own hands squeeze Kakashi’s ass, full and warm in his palms.

“Want you,” Kakashi murmurs against his throat. “Want. I want to see you come. Can I do that for you tonight? Please, please let me make you come.”

Iruka pushes Kakashi’s head up with two fingers under his chin and kisses him. Kakashi’s hands stop their pursuit of stripping him out of his shirt and instead cup Iruka’s face, still muttering please, please, please, all the while rocking and grinding in Iruka’s lap and—

And—

Oh, how’s he supposed to say no to that?

“Okay,” Iruka kisses him. “Um. Okay. Just. I don’t…”

And then Kakashi says, "I want you to fuck me."

And something in Iruka stops.

“Want to—hmm—feel you move in me,” Kakashi rambles. He continues unbuttoning Iruka’s shirt, exposing more and more bronze skin. Iruka's chest is broad and muscled and perfect, just like the rest of him, and Kakashi slips off of his lap to settle on his knees between Iruka’s thighs; he leans in and laps at Iruka’s clavicle, down his sternum, drifts aside to catch a nipple in his teeth. Iruka’s soft hum and fingers in his hair tell him he’s doing good so he flicks his tongue against the bud between his teeth. His own eye rolls back to hear Iruka’s cry of pleasure.

Down further, he keeps undoing buttons and parting fabric. He lays kisses all over Iruka’s belly, cups his erection through his pants, and glances up at Iruka before he goes for his belt and trousers.

“Please.”

“What—um—what are you…?” Iruka can’t seem to get the words out, but his chest is heaving with his breath and the flush on his cheeks is staining his flesh all the way down his neck. He’s-he’s beautiful.

“I. I really want to suck you off,” Kakashi says. “And then, if you’re up for round two, I want you inside me.”

Iruka takes his cheek in hand and smiles and says, “We can. We can definitely try that.”

“I love you.”

Iruka kisses him again, soft and sweet. “Love you too. But let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Kakashi can agree with that. He stands up and pulls Iruka along by the hands. He’s giddy and excited—almost as much as when Iruka lets him eat him out, but this excitement has the twinge of newness to it. He’s wanted to get Iruka’s cock in his mouth since the first time they had gone to bed together, and now, finally, he’s getting it.

He’s a bit lightheaded by the prospect, if he’s honest.

Once they’re in the bedroom, Iruka begins unbuttoning Kakashi’s shirt, while Kakashi plays with Iruka’s buckle. Iruka moves to the cuff buttons at each wrist, and then returns to Kakashi’s chest to part the fabric and slide his palms over his undershirt and up to his shoulders. He pushes the shirt off and pulls it down his arms, dragging his palms and fingertips along his pale skin and raised scars. The shirt is tossed and Iruka returns to the undershirt, lifting slowly from the bottom and smirking at how Kakashi’s abs jump at his touch.

The undershirt and mask join the shirt on the floor, and Iruka goes for Kakashi’s belt, but is halted by his own belt and trousers being undone. Kakashi let Iruka have his bit of fun; but he’s really got to get that cock in his mouth.

“I love you,” he murmurs again. He leans in and kisses Iruka’s cheek, down to his jaw and back to his lips; traces his ribs with his fingers and groans at the dips of muscle definition on his abdomen. “You’re perfect, and I love you.”

Iruka’s panting lightly, his eyes closed and his lips shiny with spit—his or Kakashi’s, who’s keeping track anymore? Kakashi swallows the whimpering moan he pulls from Iruka’s throat as he finishes stripping both of them, their clothing a pile of fabric on the floor.

He urges Iruka to lay down on the bed, takes hold of his underwear once he’s prone, and asks again, “Is this alright?”

Iruka’s response is to raise his hips and tip his head to the side. He has a wet, red mark on his neck that may bruise by morning if Kakashi’s not careful.

He slips the last bit of fabric off and throws it aside. Iruka’s cock, hard and reddened, bobs onto his belly and smears precome across his skin. He blushes furiously, and it’s perfect.

Kakashi crawls onto the bed, spreading Iruka’s legs and settling himself between thick muscular thighs. First he kisses the soft, darker skin of his inner thighs, then trails his nose up through the thatch of hair around the base of his cock. He darts out his tongue to taste and relishes the whimper he receives. One hand joins his mouth in worship, gently cradling the thick cock while his tongue licks all around the base.

“K’shi. Love.”

The most subtle of shifts has him positioned above the head of Iruka’s cock. He licks up a bead of precome at the tip, closing his eyes to savor it. Continuing to cradle this precious member in one hand, he begins to press open-mouth kisses all along the shaft. His thumb caresses the tip and spreads the precome that keeps leaking.

Then Kakashi licks a wide stripe up the underside, base to tip, and sucks the head into his mouth—

And Iruka sobs.

Kakashi lifts his head, letting Iruka slip from his mouth but still holding him in one hand, and checks in—”Iruka?”

“Don’t stop,” Iruka whimpers. “Please. Please don’t stop.”

Relieved, Kakashi kisses his navel, his hips; strokes his cock with a slow, steady palm; and only when he hears Iruka cry out again—

“Gods among us, Kakashi, please!”

—does he slip his lips back over his head and take Iruka as far into his mouth as he can. He’s not long, but he’s thick and Kakashi’s jaw aches to hold him on his tongue; a slow breath out has Kakashi sliding the very tip of Iruka’s cock down his throat and relishing the fresh, louder cry he receives for the motion. He can hold Iruka in his throat for twenty-four seconds before needing to pull back. He’s not like Iruka, with no gag reflex and a penchant for swallowing long cocks and holding them in his throat. He bobs his head, drooling over the thick shaft and moaning at the taste of more precome in the back of his mouth.

Kakashi had been braced on his elbow, holding Iruka’s hip with a careful grip. But now he shifts, settles his weight more on his knees, places his forearms on Iruka’s spread thighs. He continues holding Iruka’s cock with one hand, stroking where his mouth can’t reach and keeping him from jerking up into Kakashi’s throat. With his newly freed hand, though, he cups Iruka’s balls and presses his thumb just barely against Iruka’s hole.

“Love you, love you, oh-oh-ahh, so g-good, K’shi, fuck.”

That’s it. That’s it, Love.

He lets Iruka thrust into his mouth just the barest amount, knowing unfortunately that he’ll choke if he lets Iruka take what he wants but also. Also, gods, Iruka is panting and moaning and it’s driving Kakashi higher and higher.

“Want. Oh. Kakashi, Love, wanna come with you,” Iruka taps at his shoulder, “Please, please come up here and kiss me.”

He lets Iruka go, swallows the last bitter traces of precome on his tongue, and crawls up Iruka’s body. Iruka takes him by the face and pulls him the rest of the way to his mouth, kissing and nipping at his lips and groaning all the while.

“Why,” Iruka mutters into his mouth,”are you still wearing your underwear?”

“Good question.” Kakashi licks into his mouth and continues kissing him, fingers his nipples, rocks their hips together—

“Off. Get them off,” Iruka whines.

“But then I’d have to stop touching you.”

“You can take three seconds to strip.”

Kakashi sits back and shoves his underwear down his thighs. The cool air on his dick is a shock, but not as much as watching Iruka reach for his own cock and begin to touch himself.

Kakashi stops to watch.

His fingertips glide along the underside, up and down and up and—they stop and Iruka takes himself in a light grip, swirling his thumb against the tip while his other hand drifts to his chest to pinch and tweak at his own nipple.

Iruka licks his lips, moans brokenly, and says, “Are you going to make me do this myself, or are we doing this together?”

He fumbles the rest of the way out of his underwear, saying, “I. Well.” He settles back, kneeling between Iruka’s thighs and watching his hand move and his chest heave. “Gods, Iruka, I could come from this.”

“Watching me?”

“You have no idea. How godsdamn sexy you are right now.”

Iruka’s blush is sweet and gorgeous.

“Want us,” he pants. “Want you.”

Kakashi leans back down and kisses him, deep and lovingly, pressing their bodies together, hips to navel to chest. Iruka’s arms encircle his neck and keep him close, keep them kissing. He reaches between them for Iruka’s cock and takes him in hand again, pumping his hand carefully.

Iruka shakes his head. “Together, Kakashi, please.”

He shivers. “I won’t last,” he murmurs.

“Don’t care. Wanna feel you.”

So Kakashi leans up on his elbow, adjusts his hips and pushes his own cock alongside Iruka’s into the circle of his hand and they both sigh and moan and Iruka begs him to move—

“K’shi, please, please, I’m so close, just—little more, please!”

Kakashi ruts, smoothing precome along their cocks with his palm and easing the friction. Iruka’s leaking steadily but Kakashi’s pulsing, damp squirts from his tip with each thrust. His eyes are shut tight and his lips are parted and kiss-bruised.

“You. You’re so beautiful,” Kakashi whispers.

And Iruka comes. Splashes of come slip over his hand, pooling on his stomach and chest. Kakashi stills his hand to feel the pulse of Iruka’s cock against his own and it’s glorious. His jaw drops in an almost silent cry, interrupted only by soft Ah-ah-ahh as he pants. And when he starts to come down, Iruka moans and gasps, “So good K’shi,” and then.

And then he opens his eyes, just the barest amount, and says, “You too. Come for me, Love.”

Like he could resist. Kakashi’s hand doesn’t even move again, still gently holding them both; he comes on command, adding to the mess on Iruka’s belly as his hips rut against Iruka’s.

His mouth is dry and his throat aches when he comes back to himself. Iruka is holding him against his chest, the mess mostly wiped away by a corner of the blanket. Kakashi nuzzles into Iruka’s neck, breathes him in, and relishes the soft touches to his back and arms.

“Move in with me.”

Kakashi opens his eye and picks up his head. Iruka is staring at the ceiling, like he’s not sure how Kakashi's going to respond.

As if there’s any other response he could give.

“Alright.”

“I just thought, y’know, you’re here all the time anyway, and I miss you when—” Iruka looks down at Kakashi and furrows his brow, saying, “Wait. Alright?”

Kakashi smiles. “Alright.”

“You. You’ll live here. With me.”

“I would love to.”

Iruka frowns, turning his gaze away from him and instead to the wall. “I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“I’m realizing that,” Kakashi chuckles.

“I expected to have to convince you.”

“Convince me? To live with the love of my life? To live with the man who makes me bad omelettes but perfect pancakes? To live with you, who makes sure my weapons are sharp and designs seals and tags specifically for my use?”

“Kakashi…”

“I’d get to live with the same man who opened up his heart and his home to my sensei’s son, who the rest of the village had turned their back on, and showed him what love is with no desire for reciprocation or payment. You just. Did.”

“Gods, love, stop.”

Kakashi does. Because that word is important and he won’t tarnish it by disrespecting it. But he could go on. And on. And on.

But Iruka smiles and kisses him again and says, “Okay. We’ll get you moved in tomorrow?”

Because it’s getting late.

And he’s home.

#whumpmasinjuly #final prompt #umino iruka #hatake kakashi #kakairu #my writing

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eat0crow · 3 years

Text

Not So Dead

Summary: Kakashi’s regretted a lot of things in his life. More than he can ever hope to put a number on. He never imagined not being more philosophical would make its way onto the list.

Notes: Written for @amusl02 as part of the @akatsuki-gift-exchange. I”m so sorry this is late!

You siad you wanted angst so I tried to be emo about it :D

_____

Kakashi’s never cared enough to worry about whatever bastardization of the afterlife his soul would end up in.

Most shinobi’s don’t as a general rule. How can they when they stain their hands with enough blood to fill hundreds of small basins for a paycheck? Sure, there’s a few like the Hyuga and the Uchiha, whose clan lore glamorizes battle so much they have a clear picture of their soul’s destination. But the general population of nins are more than happy with understanding that wherever their souls go...it can’t be anywhere good, and leaving it at that.

Avoiding the afterlife is a much more pressing, present, concern.

But fuck if the information wouldn’t come in handy right about now. He’s regretted a lot of things in his life. More than he can ever hope to put a number on. He never imagined not being more philosophical would make its way onto the list.

He should have listened to Sasuke when he’d had been explaining, in excruciating detail, to Naruto and Sakura just where the departed go, last night when they set up camp. He would have, but the temptation to remind Sasuke that technically, he was oversharing clan secrets, had been at the tip of his tongue and—

Seeing Sasuke start to open up, even if it was over something morose like death, with progress that was downright groundbreaking for him, kept Kakashi from saying anything. He’d never heard the boy talk even a third as much. So what was the harm in him giving away lore.

Sasuke is the clan, it’s his right to decide what gets guarded fiercely and what gets given away freely.

Tuning the kids conversation out, while immediately satisfying, evidently, had been a mistake. Because Kakashi has no fucking clue where he is. Probably not hell? He feels like his soul would be a lot more tormented than it is right now, if it was. Definity not heaven. Not ever heaven. Not after Rin. Or Obito. Or Kushina. Or Minato. Or—

All he knows for a fact is that he isn’t alive anymore. He can’t be. And it’s not the darkness that’s telling him that, not the nothingness or the weightlessness or the cold that seeps into his bones and bites at him harder than the chakra exhaustion that knocked him out had.

No, it’s none of that.

No.

It’s Obito that lets him know that he’s no longer part of the world of the living.

Obito, who’s older than he was the last time Kakashi saw him, who’s his age, which makes sense and doesn’t at the same time. Death, he supposes, gets to make its own set of rules. Whatever they are, aren’t nearly as important as the fact that Obito is here.

Not as the boy Kakashi remembers, who’d been sunshine and summer, warm smiles and endless hope. Or even as any of the variants he’s spent years creating as the answers to half his ‘what ifs’.

No, he’s here and all hard edges. Mangled and torn and cold and so much more beautiful in that he exists. That he’s in front of him. Kakashi has missed him, more with every precious person he’s lost, and the longer he’s lived. Seeing him with his arms crossed, with an orange, swirled mask dangling from his side that screams Naruto, is like stepping back in time. He feels like a genin. Albeit one with slightly more trauma, not to say he didn't already have his fair share than.

The glare on his face is like none of the expressions Kakashi can remember from his friend, but exactly what he always imagined when thinking about them meeting again in the next life. It causes a weird sense of validation to flood him. How could any of the people Kakashi failed possibly do anything but hate him?

Saving Kakashi was the last thing Obito had done, and for what? Him to turn around and kill Rin? For him to shove his hand through her chest and carve out her heart with lightning? Obito loved Rin, in every way he couldn’t. Didn’t want to, for that matter. Kakashi was happy to let her love him, if it meant she was happy and stayed in his life. Existing in her life, being her friend, was enough—all he was capable of.

Rin, was a butterfly. She was always destined to outgrow him once she found someone who loved her back, in the way she wanted and not just in the ways he could manage. She deserved to. Rin was amazing and wonderful and worth so much more than team seven.

He’d have been more than happy to let her fly away, if fate hadn’t been a bitch that decided thirteen was old enough for her to die.

“Bakakashi.” There’s a warning in Obito’s voice, his eyes are murderous, and it goes against every single one of Kakashi’s instincts to stay where he is. Not that he thinks he can move much. Apparently dying doesn’t come with a healing session, he still has all his injuries, and he feels just as drained as he did in Wave.

“Obito,” he finally says, he’s doing nothing to disguise any of the complicated knot of emotion that’s had more than a decade to tangle up from his voice. Maybe Obito will hear it and be able to understand them more than Kakashi himself does.

All he knows is that he’s feeling something.

Whether it’s a good something remains to be seen.

Though, he doubts that he can be part of any something that’s good.

Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, they’re proof of that. He’d worried so much about them getting to keep their childhoods, he hadn’t actually prepared them for the reality of shinobi life. Despite team 7’s history of cursed C ranks, he’d let them take this mission with nothing more than academy skills and D ranks under their belts. Fuck.

And now he’d gone and died on them. He’d left them behind in the middle of Wave with no one.

Desperately, he hopes they have the common sense to terminate their mission and return to the village.

Realistically he very much doubts they do.

“Pay attention to me, God damn it,” Obito hisses at him, voice sharp-edged and dripping with venom. He’s standing at Kakashi’s feet, kunai angled toward his throat. When did he get there? It’s hard to focus in wherever the fuck they are. “I guess some things never change, huh?”

“That’s not true,” he answers, he can’t stop himself. It’s Obito. No amount of post mortem introspection is going to prevent him from being at least a little bit of a bastard to him. “I’m taller than you now.”

Obito’s breath catches. He freezes, goes impossibly still, his fingers curling around the hilt of his knife so tightly his arm shakes. “You don’t get it, do you?” That’s not his angry tone. No, Obito's beyond that. This is his furious one. The one Kakashi never actually heard but always assumed he had. “Unbelievable. Fifteen years. After fifteen fucking years, here I am, a living corpse standing over you with a knife to your god damned throat and you still won’t take me seriously.”

“That’s not true,” Kakashi says, only, his words come out thick, slurred together around his tongue and the black spots thickening in his vision. “I always pay attention to you.”

How could he not?

Above him, Obito looks seconds away from dismembering him. He says...something. All Kakashi can hear is the rush of blood in his ears. Whatever cutting remark that Obito has to say—that Kakashi deserves to hear—is lost over the sound of his breathing.

He doesn’t want to pass out. Not when he’s just gotten Obito back and there’s a good chance he’ll wake up somewhere else, alone. He doesn’t know how this whole afterlife thing works. He’s terrified that if he closes his eyes, he won’t have the chance to find out.

It doesn’t seem to be up to him, though. The darkness keeps slipping into his vision, the cotton clouding his brain getting thicker with every second he forces himself to stay conscious.

The last thing he sees before he's swept away in the waves of chakra exhaustion is Obito’s face, hovering inches from his own with something that might have been concern flashing across it.

Kakashi’s next return to the land of the not so living (purgatory?), is a bit easier. There’s less of the bone-deep cold from before and more of the floating sensation. Like he’s stuck somewhere with just enough gravity to keep him steady in one place. He doesn’t hurt as badly, the only aches he feels are the ones he’s always had. It would be stranger for him to wake up with them gone, so he counts himself fully healed.

He pushes himself up into a sitting position, his muscles stiff and protesting even with the simple movement. His side is tender, but, considering Kakashi remembers his ribs being broken by that fucking overgrown sword, it’s nothing more than an inconvenience.

“It’s not the same if you roll over and die,” a quiet voice says, off to his left. Kakashi blinks, his mask is gone, so is his hitai-ate. All he can do is run his hands over his face and blink the last bits of sleep from his vision. Obito’s breath doesn’t catch when he turns to look at him, which makes sense, assuming he was the one to take his mask off in the first place. And really, who else is there to do it? “I have to be the one to kill you.”

“Sorry,” he manages after what feels like a small eternity. His brain hasn’t caught up with his tongue just yet. “You can. If you want to.”

Keeping his shoulders intentionally relaxed, his movements loose and lazy in a way that takes effort, Kakashi reaches toward his thigh, grabbing the tanto still strapped there. For a moment he weights the blade in his hand. It's standard issue, the same one given out to all jounin. Nothing remarkable about it.

Handle out, he offers it up to Obito.

And Obito stares, for a long endless moment that stretches into the next. Around them the landscape echoes the tension in his shoulders, the dark grey nothing rising up into jagged peaks, sharpening with every fraction of tension that makes its way into his frame. “Just like that. After everything, you’re not going to fight back?”

“I would,” Kakashi says, looking away first. “If it was anyone else.”

“Then why?” Obito asks, searching.

Kakashi cuts him off before he can continue. “Because you deserve to. Obito, I’m the reason you died, if anyone has the right to run a blade through me it’s you.”

Long, spindly fingers curl around the handle of the blade, and even though they don’t touch his skin, Kakashi can feel the phantom sensations of them across his hand. “I’m not killing you for me, dumbass.”

Kakashi swallows hard around the lump in his throat. He still doesn’t turn to face him. It’s weird seeing Obito with only a single Sharingan flashing red in his face. In a way, it’s a bit like seeing his own reflection mirrored back to him, and Kakashi has never been good with looking at his own face. “I know, and if Rin or Minato or Kushina was here I would let them kill me, too. But they’re not.”

“So what,” Obito scoffs, harsh and cruel as he throws the tanto sheath. “I’m the consolation prize? A get out of jail free card? I’m here so I might as well absolve you of your guilt like a convenient little escape-goat, is that right? Do you even care?”

Obito laughs. It sounds like a sob. Like something wretched from a wounded animal that’s hurting and has been hurting for so long it’s forgotten how to feel any differently. Kakashi hates that sound, he really really hates it.

Before he can help himself, Kakashi turns, grabbing the hand not clutching the blade between them in a white-knuckled grip that looks painful, and pulls. The tanto goes chattering forward and Obito is mashed against him into something that might resemble a hug and what feels more like a lifeline.

“Of course I care,” Kakashi says into the crown of Obito's hair. He smells like clay and metal and something not quite natural that doesn’t matter nearly as much as his warmth against his chest. “You’re not an escape-goat Obito. You’re the one I owe the most to. I’m sorry I couldn’t find some way to make it up to you before I died and ended up here.”

Against him, Obito stiffens further, pushing away with bony elbows that dig into his stomach until clawed fingers make their way into the skin of his shoulders. Obito holds himself there, arms-length away and propped up enough for Kakashi to have to crane his neck to make eye contact. “Wait. What? Kakashi, where the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” Kakashi says, doing his best to make his voice come out breezily. “I don’t know anything about the afterlife”s geography.”

Obito pinches his side, hard. “You’re not—Bakakashi—I’m not dead. Neither are you.”

“Wait, what?”

“How you—this whole time you thought you were dead?” Obito shakes him, throwing his whole body weight into moving Kakashi’s upper torso. “You were going to let me kill you a second ago!”

“In the metaphorical sense.” Kakashi raises an eyebrow at him, the confused look on his face natural with not even a bit of exaggeration. “I figured after you got your justice, I’d move on to whatever hell comes next.”

“You were bleeding when you came here. You’re sitting in a patch of dried blood right now.”

“I haven’t died before, I don’t know how death works.” Kakashi shrugs.

For all he knows the afterlife could just be a really bland version of...well life.

Maybe if he wasn’t recovering from the after-effects of what he now knows for a fact had originally been a concussion, he’d be a lot more suspicious. Probably not though, because even without the head injury he’d have a lap full of Obito and there is absolutely no way he could be skeptical about his living or dead status with his arms around the ghost of a boy he watched die.

“My heart's beating, you idiot.” Obito protests, reaching down and placing Kakashi’s palm flat against his chest. On reflex, Kakashi tries to jerk it away, the only time he ever touches anyone's chest is when he’s tasked with carving out their heart. Obito’s grip is crushing, though. He holds his hand there firmly in place, not allowing even a fraction of give. “Don’t you think It would be a lot more still if I was a ghost.”

Kakashi wants to say he doesn’t know. Wants to point out that he can’t feel Obito’s heartbeat through the overwhelming panic that's nipping across Kakashi’s skin—and fuck, if he didn’t already have enough triggers, he should have expected to have a little trauma surrounding this. He can’t get the words out of his throat, though. Not through his breathing, that’s coming out in harsh pants. Not over the panic attack that had no business ruining this and is a good chunk of time past due.

For his part, Obito just watches him through it. Immovable as he keeps his grip welded around Kakashi’s wrist.

Eventually, after however long time takes to move here, he forces his mind to steady itself and compartmentalize this into the little boxes in the far-off corners labeled do not revisit. When he finally does feel, not okay, he’s too shaky for okay, but solid, he makes the effort to feel what Obito’s trying to show him.

When he does, he’s met with the steady thump of a heart beating under his hand. It feels like a bird, beating its wings—and that’s enough of the fragile animal metaphors for today, thank you very much. “Oh. Oh you’re real.”

Obito blinks at him, and the final bits of anger that have steadily been falling away, drains out of him. “Yeah,” Obito breathes, letting go of Kakashi’s hand, finally, and slumping forward, back into his arms. “Yeah, Kakashi, I’m real.”

“You’re alive,” Kakashi whispers. His grip must be painful, but he can’t stop himself from tightening his hold. Afraid that Obito will slip away as some figment of his imagination the second he eases up. “You’re alive.”

“Come on now,” Obito huffs. Something hot makes its way to the crook of Kakashi’s neck. He can’t be bothered to check and see which one of them is crying. “You didn’t think I’d actually let Iwa kill me, did you?”

Yes.

Yes, Kakashi very much did. If he had suspected for even a second that Obito was still out there, somewhere, alive and whole, he would have hunted him down with enough vigor to make his ninken jealous.

But saying that feels cheap when actions speak louder than words and enough time has passed for anything along that vein to ring as hollow platitudes.

Kakashi thinks Obito expects him to get angry at him, to demand to know where he’s been for the last fifteen years. Don’t get him wrong, Kakashi wants to know, he really desperately does. But the answer isn’t nearly as important as the fact that Obito is alive and whole and with him, so instead he settles on asking, “Where is here, then.”

Obito lets out a breath, slumping impossibly more against him. “This is a part of Kamui. Somehow when you exhausted yourself, you managed to find your way into the pocket dimension created by the Sharingan. Since we share the same set, we can access the same place. You’re lucky I was already here. You really would have been dead if I wasn’t.”

“Oh,” Kakashi says, simply. He supposes, in a way it makes sense. Their Mangekyou can banish objects, it has to have a place to send them to. Maybe he caught himself in the reflection of Zabuza’s water prison.

Kaskshi closes his eyes, content to just hold Obito there. It’s not like he’s gotten the chance to be close to anyone recently, physically or otherwise. So while he’s hyper aware of every inch of skin Obito is touching, it feels good. In a reassuring, alive, kind of way.

They lapse into a comfortable silence, the only sounds around being their combined breathing which quickly takes the place of white noise.

Obito’s the one to break it, turning his face against Kakashi’s chest and looking up. “Hey, Bakakashi, if I asked to kill you right now, would you let me?” His voice is soft without the venom in it, with nothing to hide the uncertainty.”

Kakashi doesn’t have to think about his answer before he responds, “Yes.”

He’s not his father, he’s not about to throw himself down on his own blade just to run from his ghosts. But, he thinks if one of his ghosts, the one that’s not quite dead yet, wants him to be, that’s okay. It’s different.

“You’d really give me your life, just like that?”

“Just like that,” Kakashi agrees, because it really is that simple. For him at least.

He hopes though, that Obito will want to wait just a little bit longer to kill him. Kakashi’s waited so long to see him again, he’d hate to have to wait until the end of Obito’s life to do it. Though, that would be fitting, in an ironic sort of way.

“In that case,” Obito starts, moving to stand up. Kakashi helps him the best he can, supporting him with a gentle hand against his back even if he misses the warmth instantly. “Will you come with me?”

Part of Kakashi wants to ask Obito what he means, won’t he come back with him? Back to the village, to Konoha and….and a stone carved with the name of almost everyone that made the place a home.

A large part of Kakashi, the part that makes him bite his tongue, reminds him that Obito’s had fifteen years to make his way back to the leaf. Back to him. If he was going to return to the village it would have happened by now. No. If they’re going anywhere it’s going to be on Obito’s terms.

This time it’s Kakashi’s turn to chase after him.

So he doesn’t have to think about it before responding, “Okay.” The only thing truly holding him back is….Naruto, who won’t get another instructor who will look at him as anything but a monster and fuck, he can’t abandon him again, not after finally being allowed to see him. And Sakura who’s going to be flushed out as a paper nin, which is a complete waste of her potential. And Sasuke, who’s going to be snatched up by Danzo’s grimy hands the second he comes back to the village with no one to keep him in the light and away from the shadows and— “But I have some kids I need to pick up first.”

#naruto #crow writes #obito uchiha #kakashi hatake #kakaobi #kakashi x obito #akatsuki gift exchange

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naruto-littlespace · 3 years

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Akatsuki Littlespace Headcanons

I could and probably will write more, but I don’t feel like it right now, so here’s this.

Disclaimer 1: Littlespace, in the AU and in real life, is a coping mechanism for everything from everyday stressors to psychological disorders like PTSD. If you sexualize littlespace do not interact with this AU or me, I will block you.

Disclaimer 2: Littlespace in this post is slightly different from in real life, magic-ed up in a similar way to how ninjas are magic-ed up in the Naruto universe. Chakra-using littles actually revert to the size they were when they were their little ages, although they retain any bodily changes since then (little Kakuzu still has stitches, little Deidara would have hand mouths.) The exception of course is Sasori, whose body is manmade and doesn’t change. People also do not necessarily remember their big lives when they slip into littlespace, sometimes becoming confused about where they are and who they’re with. They will sometimes be confused about what time period they’re in as well, believing things to have happened that hadn’t happened yet in their little age but were far in the past in their adult age.

This isn’t how I’m going to treat littlespace w/ Naruto characters all the time on this account btw, it’s just an idea I’ve been playing around with, like the psychological defense of reverting to a childlike state inadvertently triggers a transformation jutsu to match.

Nagato:

Little age pre Yahiko’s death was 6-7, post is 2-4

Started regressing shortly after the formation of the original Akatsuki. She and Yahiko had to do research to figure out why their teenage friend had suddenly turned into a child, but after they learned they took care of him: treated him like a child, bought him kids books from the local thrift shop, tucked him into bed. He called them uncle and auntie.

He would stay in littlespace for a surprisingly long amount of time, for 4-6 hours on days between missions.

After Yahiko’s death he spent many days in a row regressed to age two. Konan scrambled to take care of him and handle her own grieving. After that was over he promised her she wouldn’t have to take care of him again.

Nowadays of course she still takes care of him when he regresses, but he tries to force himself out of it if he begins to.

He still has board books and stuffies, so if he does fully regress he’ll have one of his pein bodies bring them to him.

Being ~3 he doesn’t have the mental capacity to control all the Peins, so they just kind of idle for awhile.

Konan:

Little age is 3-5

Pre modern Akatsuki she didn’t like regressing at all and only did it involuntarily. She would handle it by either walking it off or reading Nagato’s board books by herself.

This continued pretty much until she started becoming friends with Kakuzu, who openly admitted he was a little (he thought she should know, in case it ended up delaying his missions--it was mostly so she would stick up for him to Pein. No, he wasn’t hunting bounties, there’s a perfectly logical explanation--)

So she had a bad day while she and Kakuzu were at the same base and went ‘can you please deal with me for a couple of minutes’ and he was like ‘ofc’ so she sat down in front of him and shrank down to a little girl and started crying. He picked her up and bounced her on his knee until she calmed down. She ended up staying little for a couple of hours because Kakuzu took her out of the office and telling her stories about his childhood while they prepared dinner.

Kisame becomes her caretaker too when the three of them start dating.

Sometimes she starts crying inconsolably about something she won’t talk about other than someone leaving her and something being unfair. Pein showed up during this one time and said he knew what she was talking about and it was none of her cgs’ concern which ofc made them concerned but they haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her about it.

Itachi:

Little age is 2-4 but since her chakra is often very low so she doesn’t always physically become that tiny.

She didn’t regress until after she joined the Akatsuki, but when she did Kisame wasn’t surprised. He reintroduced himself as her babysitter, slipped her a lollipop and took her to a library to pick out some kids books.

Loves to be pampered. Oh god it’s the only time she can relax at all

Wears reading glasses because they can’t get her in to an eye doctor appointment

She’s trans in this au because I say so

Likes playing with weasel and crow toys, esp when her caretaker (usually Kisame, Konan and Kakuzu as well when they’re around) plays the weasel and she’s the crow. She’ll tell stories where they go out to the woods to train or just hang out.

She loves to sit in laps <3

She eats a lot more in littlespace than out so whoever’s feeding her makes lots of food. For her to grow big and strong u know

Kisame:

Little age 0. He is just baby

Being reminded of the bloody mist triggers his littlespace, though he has to be in a bad headspace in the first place. It really does not happen often.

Post Akatsuki the first time he slipped was after he, Kakuzu and Konan started dating. Kakuzu woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of crying and woke Konan up immediately afterwards because holy sh*t there’s a baby in our bed!!

It was Kisame. Kakuzu picked him up and rocked him back to sleep. Konan asked how he was so good with kids and he was like ‘oh I had a baby once.’ She does not ask him to elaborate. Kisame wakes up as an adult the next morning.

They keep a container of powder formula for him if he regresses but won’t get him a pacifier because they’re afraid he’d bite off and choke on the teat. They have bottles but Kakuzu makes the nipples for them out of one of his threads on the spot bc he’d bite through literally everything else with his tiny demon teeth.

Sasori:

Little age is unclear (unlike some of the others, he’s never said it.)

Signs he’s in littlespace: stops talking, stops walking if he can afford it, walks unsteadily and a little bowlegged if he can’t. Stops using ninjutsu and if he’s near a kitchen he might try to eat despite not having a digestive system anymore. Has been known to ask where Granny Chiyo is. The answer is ‘back home.’

Deidara got him a pacifier and a coloring book. He does use them but not when anyone else is watching, not even Deidara.

He is a bit upset when he’s reminded that his body is wooden. He would like to feel things please. But he learns to just enjoy the sensation of squishing a stuffie and his jaw chewing on a paci.

Deidara:

Not actually a little. He just hasn’t gone through sh*t like the rest of the Akatsuki have, and has coping mechanisms for when he is having a bad time.

He caretakes for Konan when her boys aren’t around and for Sasori if he’ll let him.

Hidan told him about littles after Kakuzu regressed in front of him and thought Deidara might need to know because of how much baggage Sasori has (he doesn’t know what it is but he can smell drama)

So he looked out for Sasori becoming a kid and learned instead to look for him not acting like an adult. He walked out of Hiruko and tried to eat in front of him and Deidara had to tell him he couldn’t have a strawberry because it was bad for his health and not because it would probably make his insides mold. It’s weird but Deidara is also weird and he makes it work.

Kakuzu:

Little age is 9-10

Post Akatsuki the first time he regressed was in front of Hidan in the middle of the woods. He didn’t recognize him and immediately tried to run and then beat him up when he chased him. Hidan had to think fast and tell him he was his new neighbor and pretend to be taking him home. The next time he was babysitting.

Sometimes asks where his husband is. The first time Hidan heard this his response was ‘what the f*ck’ and Kakuzu told him that was a bad word.

Enjoyed activities include reading, sparring, and to the surprise of some, hunting. He’s not bad w/ a bow and arrow.

The best way to keep him in/make him feel comfy in littlespace is to make him a meal. U can let him help to the extent that he sets the table or pours the drinks or smth (because he will ask) but take care of the food for him, because he hasn’t had someone else handle that for him in a long time.

Regressing isn’t necessarily a common thing for him to do but he’s one of the only ones whose regression can be triggered by physical pain as well as emotional. He can usually harden his skin to block attacks but if he doesn’t in time he may turn into a ten year old. It actually can surprise an opponent enough for Hidan to be able to take them out.

Hidan:

Not a little either.

Knew about littles bc there was an old man in his village who had ptsd from some long forgotten war and sometimes turned into a six year old.

Caretakes for Kakuzu pretty exclusively, unless Kakuzu is big and taking care of someone else, in which case he’ll help out if he’s feeling nice at the time. Itachi is actually his favorite to take care of because Itachi is a very manageable child.

Obito:

Little age varies wildly from about 1-11. He blocks his physical regression because he regresses Often and doesn’t want to blow his Madara cover.

He has been regressing since p much immediately after he got crushed. Madara was really having none of it and went from patiently waiting for him to become ‘big’ again to pretending it wasn’t happening, forcing Obito back into a uh. ‘’Normal’’’’ headspace

The Tobi act is actually covering his littlespace though when he’s an adult he has no idea how to realistically act like a kid so when he’s actually a kid it’s kind of jarring for all involved

When he’s a baby he just screams. Not really crying in distress but screaming because he can

He’s so eager for attention. Please talk to him! Play toys with him!!! Read a book, eat dango, run around outside, catch bugs, train!!!

Never mentions Kakashi or Rin but sometimes will mention his grandma or Lord Fourth as if he is the current Hokage

#akatsuki #naruto au #sfw littlespace #sfw agere #god this is so half thought out #i had titled this an au at first but then i made it head canons bc it wasn't really an au. and now the chakra parts kind of don't make sense #but i am tired. and starved for attention and ready to be done. so here we are #beas please

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