#fake it till you make it and all that

[theood]

I've been making so many adult phone calls recently and now Im playing will my doctor fill my t prescription, they haven't gotten back to me I've been off T since the day after my one month mark, they needed PA for my insurance to cover it, "we'll get back to you in one to two business days" it's been much longer, the pharmacy wont tell me when PA is required leaving me to wait longer, I still don't have a job, I have to call my doctor tomorrow to ask whats going on. If I get told anything with my insurance is fucky, that the PA didn't go through, I have to pay out of pocket I can't afford my T. I was so fucking happy to start it, I was over the moon I FELT happier, I was so excited to wake up every day, I haven't felt like that in so long and it all got torn from under me and I am trying to hard to stay positive and that it will all be okay because it HAS to be okay because I chose to live, because I chose to keep going, because I want to be alive, but all of this really takes it toll and I am just tired. I am so tired of being the adult. I've been playing adult for so long I want to step back and I cant and I have to keep going because that's just life and I just want one stable thing again

I want to be on T again. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I chose to be happy why is that so hard too keep

#elias.zip #I guess. im not going to lie I feel very fucking defeated. I got told I would get an email from a place I applied to tonight. I will give #her a couple days bfore I try calling again and hope they don't blacklist me. Im going to ask to switch to shots because I cant keep doing #this PA stuff. I cant. i just want to get my T at reasonable times and have it when I need it. Why does everyone else get to have it no pr #oblem and I dont? I am doinf my best to stay positive I am trying to change how I let my internal dialogue talk but man it feels so fucking #right to me that I should just give up. Starting T was a joke. Im never getting on it again. I'll be 30 and no ones going to know Elias be #cause he doesnt exist and im never going to hear my name said and I was never meant to be happy and I will rot in my room just like I did #when I was younger and I never really left my childhood home. and I never grew up #and tomorrow im going to get up and make another adult phonecall and ask nicely about my prescription and if I can switch or if switching #would negate the PA request I am not told about and I will have to scrounge for money and save every penny and tell the voices #thank you for helping and hang up and go on with my day where I do nothing because I am nothing and then I will smile at everyone and #say I love you #I dont even have any money for shots or for needles. sure my insurance says they cover shots and shots usually provide less trouble but w #hat about the needles. the disposal. a safe place to put those. i cant ask my mom and dad. im alone in this. i cant pay anyone back. no #place wants a deadbeat as a hire and thats all I am to any job no matter how hopeful I come in. no one wants to work with me. no one wants #to train me. my teacher was right on how I was going to grow up. #and yet. again. tomorrow im going to wake up and go 'this is fine' and im going to call and act like everything is ok and assure myself its #ok because it has to be. if I tell myself that enough it has to be true. thats how it works #fake it till you make it and all that #just. man all the adults in my life were right about me lol

[bibiblocksberg1234]

I think this might have been the fakest we’ve ever seen Dazai. The voice actor did a great job, it sounded like he was trying to be his usual silly self but you could hear how he was close to crying.

#like even if there was a way for chuuya to survive and he was aware of it #he was drowning his partner #hard to believe but he is human after all #he sounded way too cheerful in this scene #it was so obvious he was fake-it-till-you-make-it-ing #bungou stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bsd anime #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #soukoku #bsd season 5 #bsd season five #bsd season 5 episode 8 #bsd chapter 101

[garbagechocolate]

*cracks knuckles.* hello there. tis i, mystery mutual

I would send without anon but… I’m a coward. forever and always </3

I’ve seen through your posts that recently, you haven’t been doing the best (it’s normal, that happens, I’ve felt the same), and I’ve been thinking on and off about another /pos attack. (idk whether or not you want my two cents. if not you can delete this)

as someone who has a horrendous sleep schedule, sleep. hypocritical of me? honestly yeah... but better sleep can help with your mood/ feeling down. better sleep does a lot of things. also, take a break! time for yourself offline! it doesn’t have to be a super long, several month hiatus (unless you want to do so), but even a few minutes offline can help. social media is stupid and stressful, but nature is cool. I am a professional nature appreciator. you can trust me on this one

additionally, as a appreciator of your art (not a professional, but we’re getting there) don’t stress yourself out over your stuff! you do not owe your followers! maybe I’m a little biased (I am very biased) but I think your silly doodles are very neat. anyone who doesn’t think so is a fake fan /j

drink water (sip sip), stretch regularly while drawing/ on the computer. do not be like me. or else /lh

(this long, rambly ask was less of a /pos attack and more me going TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 🫵)

have a good day/night. I should probably go to bed

ANON I JUST

You made me CRY what is WRONG WITH YOU /lh

Thank you I just

I'm not really good with words so that's all I can really say

#trashlate #ask #anon #WAHHHHHHH #text post #textpost #i haven't been doing very well at all really but i've been tryna keep it relatively positive #fake it till you make it right? #but god reading this just hit me straight in the feels #queue

[beargyufairy]

Cause I’m a real tough kid

I can handle my shit

#I can do it with a broken heart #fairy tail #lucy heartfilia #lucy deserves better #ttpd #the tortured poets department #cause I’m a real tough kid #I can handle my shit #fake it till you make it #lights camera bitch smile #fairy tail lucy #nalu #alls well that ends well #good things take time #smile through the pain #smile

[compacflt]

my apologies if this is too simple or juvenile or personal a question but HOW did you become such a proficient writer? and do you have any tips or pointers to keep in mind? i know you must do a lot of reading and a lot of writing, but your skill is just incredible to me. your prose!! your cadence!! when we get around to talking about it is genuinely one of the best things i've ever read and i'd eat it if i could!!!

this ask was so sweet thank you!! rly made my day when i needed a boost. Hope you don’t mind i took a couple days to think about it cause no one’s ever asked me for writing advice before

idk how i became a “proficient” writer bc I really don’t write that much. something about my fic gave me brainworms and i went into overdrive but that’s…not my usual MO. which is why it’s weird for me too. admittedly i am studying english/creative writing as my second major at uni, but i haven’t learned anything in any of my classes you couldn’t learn by just reading and writing on your own. honestly i should’ve stuck with my IR major instead, i find structured cw classes a complete waste of time. but here are some little tips i thought of that would’ve helped ME:

This is more a “do as I say not as I do” because I’m really bad at habits like this, but keep a diary. You can write about the big events (went to the store, did homework, got laid etc.) but that’s boring—focus on the details (watched someone at west side market throw a glass bottle of olives at a rat, broke a pen and permanently stained my dorm desk and won’t get my deposit back which pissed me off because I move out in a week, this guy’s breath smelled like lemon pledge and it made me wonder if he drank window cleaner before kissing me etc.). Real life is really interesting! How can you write about interesting real life in an interesting way? It’s a good way to practice. You don’t have to do a big reflection at the end of the day or anything. It’s okay to jot down something you saw & then immediately forget about it. It’s the act of figuring out how to translate life into words that’s important

If you type, learn how to type FAST. This is just my experience, but I think typing faster makes your cadence, clause length, dialogue, IDEAS flow better/more naturally. We think in words/sentences, not letters.

This is a super lame tip that’ll make you roll your eyes, but read poetry. Poetry is all about how words/ideas/images sound and interact with each other. Don’t get hung up on one poet—im not really recommending any for precisely this reason—read poetry you love (for me, Ada Limón, Jack Kerouac, Frank O’Hara, ghazals etc) AND read poetry you hate (for me, Rupi Kaur, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, etc)! Read all genres you can get your hands on. (I think there are like “great poetry anthologies” you can find for free online if u don’t know where to start. Also you can’t go wrong with subscribing to/reading a variety magazine like the NYer. It’s pretentious but it exposes you to all kinds of weird topics, ways of writing about them, etc.) Figure out how certain combinations of words and punctuations make you FEEL, and why, and why the writer chose (or not) to make you feel that way. Figure out which literary sounds you like and which ones you don’t. For me, i figured out that I REALLY like alliteration, comma splices, zeugmas, the rule of three, and

“he’s [verb]ing again… yeah compacflt’s characters are [verb]ing again… big shocker”

If you have an idea for a piece, figure out what it is you really want to get out of it—to say something? to experiment with a different style? to see your fav characters do something? to have fun?—and then figure out how, on a technical level, you should write to match that goal (this is where the poetry training comes in handy). If you’re just writing to have fun, don’t listen to any writing advice (incl. mine), because most of it is bullshit and over-generalized and will make you feel bad about yourself. Just take the advice that you think will work for what YOURE trying to write.

But if you’re writing to explore some political idea, then you should think about HOW to best write about that idea. What would be a convincing story/allegory/scene to engage with this idea vs. not convincing. I talk on this blog all the time about how disappointed I am that my very-adult-grown-up attempt to deal with the dynamic of “immovable internalized homophobia vs unstoppable falling in love anyway” is rendered a little childish/immature by some pretty unconvincing plot points like the characters buying a house together—I really should have considered how that plot point would interact with the characterizations I’d built already (hint: poorly). You can think of writing as kind of a military structure if that helps—you have strategy on the overarching campaign (plot/character growth/allegory/theme) level, the battle (scene that advances the above) level, and the tactical (sentence-level construction/syntax/wording) level. They all have to work together. If a scene is failing to properly engage with the idea you’re trying to convey, you’re losing a battle that will weaken the overarching campaign. Same thing if you choose a weird word in a sentence/write in a style or tone that’s weirdly out of place with your idea—it makes your engagement with the theme/idea less convincing. just try to be purposeful and consider your strategy on all levels of your work as you’re writing it!! At the very least it’ll make editing easier lol.

But then again when I read my own writing from just a couple months ago I cringe out of my skin, so like—just also accept that it’s a process and we’re all just making it up as we go along. Be proud of being embarrassed of your old work, because it means you’re growing. Own that shit. When I finished writing WWGATTAI i thought it was the best thing I’d ever written, and maybe it was. But since the day I finished working on it, it’s the worst thing I’ve written since then. That’s a great feeling. Not to be like writing grindset obviously bc it’s supposed to be fun—but if what you want is to get better at writing, the strategy is to WRITE a whole bunch of shit, and then own your embarrassment about how much you’ve grown since you started. And know you’re still always growing and learning. there should never be any “goals” where skills are concerned 👍🏽

#fake it till u make it #the good part about fiction is all you’re really doing is makin shit up #no rules!!! #fiction is just trying to sell a lie right #so it’s all on a sliding scale of convincability (at least that’s how i judge fiction) #and figuring out how to convince people of your lie is where the art is #anyway. #not top gun #asks #writing tips #idk how to tag this #also i love ao3 because trying to get published traditionally genuinely made me hate writing/MY writing #i have indeed had the cliche 100+ form rejection letters experience #unfortunately writing is also one of those things where you can see it as a competition so easily #(admittedly a small part of why i don’t read other TG fics—i don’t wanna read people doing it better than me😭) #BUT you tailor your experience to have a healthy life. it’s not a competition if you don’t make it one. put yourself first

[casuallivi]

It wasn't her will to change, but change she did. Changed. The warm maternal amniotic fluid replaced by cold motherless water. Death and rebirth, they say. To her, just death. Dead, dead, dead. It's okay. She's okay. Pretending to be. She hides in plain sight. Colorful aprons and flowers in her hair to keep the darkness inside. Her mask slips an inch. Panic, panic, panic. She pushes it back up, desperately glancing at her surroundings. No one. A sigh of relief. There's never someone. Lips quiver with sadness. She checks anyways, twisted hope that should not be cultivated sprouting like weed. Hope is a lethal thing to cultivate in the heart of a captive. She knows there's no happy ending in her path. The sun raises, the sun sets. She eat, cook, clean, plant, nurse, help, feel; no sleep, never sleep. She cry, she hurt, she die. Die, die, die. Everyday she dies a little bit more. Everyday she's a little bit less. All day she's nothing at all, a shell for otherly sounds and images that refuse to unfog; when they do, she wish they didn't. There's no escaping this hell, for she's her own cage, bones in the place of bars; a prison of bones, flesh and blood. Always blood, dripping down the walls, splayed on the ground, spilled in battle, spilled in childbirth, spilled in celebration , spilled in mourning. Blink once and you are gone, blink twice and you are back. Lucidity isn't a luxury she can afford for long periods. Blink once and you are here, blink twice and you are not. Patterns are trickery. A dagger in hand and she takes a life. Blood in her hands too. Tainted, violent, murder. To protect, it was. Murder all the same. Murder, murder, murder, the hands chant caressing her body. He sings to her every night; her maker, her warden, her lover, her villain. "I love you", one whispers. "I don't want it", snarls the other. I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't it. I. don't. want. you. Not you. Never you. "You're my mate." Mistake, mistake, mistake. "What can I get you Elain?" Silence. Peace and quiet. "Sunshine." A scream builds in her lungs. A bird soars in the sky, wings spread to keep it airborne. Freedom. Eyes in the sky and not wandering in between worlds. Freedom. Will it ever come to her?

Elain Week March 2023. Day 7. Free Day.@elainweekofficial

#elain archeron #elain acotar #elain #pro elain #rambling #imagining the whirlwind in her head #the constant desperation to be ok #feel ok #so she pretends #fake it till you make it #in the hopes one day you'll forget you are faking #hoping your lie turns to reality #thinking about her #everyday all day #my writing #moodboard #elainsweekmarch2023

[widevibratobitch]

lmao it's not even funny how ridiculously easy this exam was. i love oral exams. im a master of manipulation. you WILL listen to me talk about mozart whether the subject warrants it or not. and you WILL enjoy it.

#she literally interrupted me mid-sentence saying 'i can see you know what you're talking about that's it you can go haha' #and i begged her to let me talk about schumann and she was like 'no no haha i can tell you know it all go go' #i didn't jsgssksbsjdhddj but im really good at being funny and sillayyyy #even in the midst of spiraling into the worst depressive episode ive had in a few years #and people are eating it up babyyy #i literally havent showed my face in this woman's class in almost two months and she just let me pass with the best possible grade #after basically saying herself half the shit *i* was supposed to tell her im obsessed with this woman #my god. this is the one thing im really glad i inherited from my mother. tho ofc ill never quite reach her level. #fake it till you make it babeyyyyyy

[videoviolence]

pvt. hudson from aliens is the saddest & most tragic character in Aliens disguised as comedic relief & quote-bait . I will stand my ground on this .

#it makes my fucking heart hurt . #his death has zero pay off . its so heartwrenching #little detail: you can see a calendar drawn on the side of his helmet with the days checked off . #not to mention all that fake safety macho act shedding the moment anything bad happens . #<- he wanted to go home so bad . He was counting down the days till discharge . and he died scared . he didnt get to be the triumphant hero #sorry that I care so much about a side character and my chosen name is completely unrelated . Btw #hudson.txt #aliens 1986 #aliens

[makeitlookdecent]

you ever had a class with that one person who's always sleeping, not paying attention, never in class but they are still somehow passing with (almost) flying colors? teacher calls on them while they sleep in class to have a 'gotcha' moment?? but they still answer the question flawlessly???

thats him.

#puyo puyo #puyo klug #puyo lidelle #puyo amitie #puyo sig #now i just gotta do raffina to complete the fever gang! #pretty simple design since i figured he'd value comfort over being prim now #but!! he still has a (technically) perfect record in school! even homework! he is still a very proud student after all #klug is still a klugsten #tho his participation grade is //wiggles hand// #also its been forever since i tried the puyo/20th/quest style i forgot how to do it #oh but not to reduce Sig to just sleeping! i know he's more than that #its just i was trying to make klug laid back but still basically smart #and was reminded of a type of kid back in class (i was said kid in elem school) #(after elem school? couldnt be me i got so lost lol) #anyway i thought it would be funny #and i gave Lidelle klugs smartass-ness but in a more fake it till you make it way #she challenges klug cause he seemed like easy pickings but he Was Not(tm)

[mishy-mashy]

I think it's a funny detail that Joshua is older than Subaru. Also, a big "huh?" over Joshua for gaslighting himself so much into liking Julius that it's literally his whole personality

Imagine hating your brother and deciding to have a complex over him for WHATEVER REASON and it sticks.

He is now a brocon. Lost soul if he were awake while Julius's Name is eaten. Secretly hates Julius for throwing his apple away. But he will take the mere mention of "brother" and NYOOM

Joshua GASLIT HIMSELF into literal oblivion, especially if he wakes up

He's a strange boy, is all

#i always write Joshua as comic relief... because he is #FAKE IT TILL YA MAKE IT BOIS #on the note of Julius's name- I think the reason he's not like Joshua's state is because he had a different name as a commoner #so technically Juukulius is right... but it's also /not/ #(i always have trouble with apostrophes in the tags but IT WORKS IF IT'S AUTO-CORRECT?) #i assume Joshua wouldnt have known Julius's og last name then if the Gluttonies didnt know it from Joshua's memories #since joshua got eaten first #spoilers #joshua juukulius #julius juukulius #my thoughts #i think the juukulius kids are actually just idiots with purple hair going between /I'm so cool you all can't understand me/ and #/please be my friend/ #does it openly say Joshua hates Julius? no. but do I believe it because of all the implicit details? YES. #q&as give nice detail #-Joshua's pride in his big brother is a deception- HMMM? #(still dunno about quotation marks tho) #re zero #rezero #re:zero #i just think Julius had a different last name as a commoner but i dont know if the topic has ever been really touched on #WAIT IT DOES SAY HE HATES HIM ONCE— #-Nii-chan threw away the apple. That's why we hate Nii-chan- or something but THERE

[philsmeatylegss]

“Parasocial relationships are bad” “it’s not creators’ responsibility to cater to your feelings”

I genuinely am still heartbroken three years later about finding out what an awful human Shane Dawson was and is and I truly still feel angry and betrayed by him and I don’t give a shit if it is parasocial.

#yes it’s not their responsibility but shane made an effort to connect with depressed fans and fans with EDs and was a role model #and he took our naivety from being fucking 14 and abused it #I felt truly understood by him and he gave me hope that it was going to get better #I don’t give a shit if it’s my fault for being emotionally attached #I was fucking 12-15 #his personality is all fake if you watch his videos now #(I watch them through Jake Doolittle who makes fun of it and helps me not give shane a view) #he makes fun of being cancelled he didn’t learn a single fucking thing #and in just a few days I watched one of my role models be revealed to have such a sick and twisted past that he never took responsibility #for and continued to profit off it until he was called out #he catered to vulnerable children he called himself the uncle of youtube #to have that history and not learning from it yet still portraying yourself as this wise gentle father figure to vulnerable kids is fucking #evil #yes it’s not his fault I had such a one sided relationship #but you can’t tell me he didn’t feed into relationships like the one I had when I was 14 #he interacted with the phandom for fucking views and to get the phandom on his side #phandom at this time was an average age of 12-16 #he knew what he was doing and I hate him till this day for it #rae’s rambles

[christinered]

You know that "Fake it till you make it " mantra?

Will that work if I fake being A Master Jedi?

I hope so. If only. If only.

~Red

#christinered #sub for dom domme for all #wisdom of a redhead #aggressive redhead #wiseass smartass badass #redheaded warrior #curvy bouncy redhead #jedi knight #master jedi #lightsaber #if only if only if only #fake it till you make it #strong redhead

[yappacadaver]

im really in my doomer shit today like damn. no hope no future huh. damn.

#like i swear to god i told so many adult authority figures that i didn't understand working i dont want a job i'll never be happy with a job #and every single one of those stupid motherfuckers told me i'd grow out of it and everything would be fine and fake it till you make it hah #well i faked it into several suicide attempts multiple breakdowns and a handful of addictions #and like 10 different jobs yea but all of them felt like literal actual torture #like im either miserable and want to die because i have no money (no food medicine rent or u know anything else that brings enrichment.) #or im miserable and want to die because i have no time and my body is being broken tf down and im constantly stressed and triggered tf out

[bbqhooligan]

i was so over Noragami but goddamn i keep going back to how Kazuma fucking kills people and tortures people and controls, subjugates, dominates people and he DESIRES his god and he can do all that without them being sins because he's fully convinced in his actions being justified and his insane love for his god overcomes all, gods can do wrong? KAZUMA can do no wrong by the power of his own will. god bless.

#mypost #DO I MISREMEMBER OR DID HE LIKE. NEVER STING BISHAMON. #i could be all wrong tho haha lol. its just a sexy image to believe in so i will keep believing it kazuma style 👍 #fake it till you make it extreme edition: believe you can do wrong until you cross the threshold of gods laws and youre in the clear #then you can do all wrongs and they wont be wrong: KAZUMA STYLE! #kazuma #noragami #idek man i wont rewatch it cuz hiyori stuff makes me uncomfortable #but whatever bishamon-kazuma had going on was sexy as hell #YOURE mine NO Y O U R E --Mine-- nO YOU- #in endless succession #bishamons like YOU the human the instrument are actually mine i gave your fuckin name <3 #kazumas like ahaha thanks btw i cherish that and cherish you so bad i made you into the biggest god and i possessively own you <3 #bishamons like ITS ME who should be protecting YOU cuz im a god hope you understand xoxo #kazumas like HAH love that for you queen but 1-im not worthy of your affection and 2-ill literally [REDACTED] to protect you #bishamons been frustrated flustered by his DARING to imply hes there to protect her since day 1!!!! when it was just the two them #and kazumas been devoted to fault (makes him insane) since day 1!!!!

[deathshallbenomore]

@ people staring at me and my pink floral trousers: you can only WISH you were as cool as me xoxo

#it’s all part of my fake it till you make it communication strategy #also: mi sa che do nell’occhio. but to continue

[serkonans]

really like eye-opening moment at my haircut today where I went in and told the stylist just do whatever she wanted bc I've been bored of having the same hair for like 5 years lol. and she was talking through her idea (I have like a pseudo-mullet thing happening now which is very fun) and she was like "I feel like it would rly fit the cool guy vibe you have with your clothes"

and I was so taken aback bc I have it in my head that I'm super plain and boring to the point of like. I was dreading this haircut bc hairstylists always want to talk and I feel like they judge me for not having an interesting life and it was so like. literally no one knows I think i'm boring unless I tell them.... I can just present myself like I'm cool and interesting and people will just. agree with me.

#i get this is like a variation of fake it till you make it but it has never occurred to me before. #also you know a haircut is good when you come home and start doing a fashion show w all the things you own but never wear #oisín.txt