#I guess. im not going to lie I feel very fucking defeated. I got told I would get an email from a place I applied to tonight. I will give

[theood]

I've been making so many adult phone calls recently and now Im playing will my doctor fill my t prescription, they haven't gotten back to me I've been off T since the day after my one month mark, they needed PA for my insurance to cover it, "we'll get back to you in one to two business days" it's been much longer, the pharmacy wont tell me when PA is required leaving me to wait longer, I still don't have a job, I have to call my doctor tomorrow to ask whats going on. If I get told anything with my insurance is fucky, that the PA didn't go through, I have to pay out of pocket I can't afford my T. I was so fucking happy to start it, I was over the moon I FELT happier, I was so excited to wake up every day, I haven't felt like that in so long and it all got torn from under me and I am trying to hard to stay positive and that it will all be okay because it HAS to be okay because I chose to live, because I chose to keep going, because I want to be alive, but all of this really takes it toll and I am just tired. I am so tired of being the adult. I've been playing adult for so long I want to step back and I cant and I have to keep going because that's just life and I just want one stable thing again

I want to be on T again. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I chose to be happy why is that so hard too keep

#elias.zip #I guess. im not going to lie I feel very fucking defeated. I got told I would get an email from a place I applied to tonight. I will give #her a couple days bfore I try calling again and hope they don't blacklist me. Im going to ask to switch to shots because I cant keep doing #this PA stuff. I cant. i just want to get my T at reasonable times and have it when I need it. Why does everyone else get to have it no pr #oblem and I dont? I am doinf my best to stay positive I am trying to change how I let my internal dialogue talk but man it feels so fucking #right to me that I should just give up. Starting T was a joke. Im never getting on it again. I'll be 30 and no ones going to know Elias be #cause he doesnt exist and im never going to hear my name said and I was never meant to be happy and I will rot in my room just like I did #when I was younger and I never really left my childhood home. and I never grew up #and tomorrow im going to get up and make another adult phonecall and ask nicely about my prescription and if I can switch or if switching #would negate the PA request I am not told about and I will have to scrounge for money and save every penny and tell the voices #thank you for helping and hang up and go on with my day where I do nothing because I am nothing and then I will smile at everyone and #say I love you #I dont even have any money for shots or for needles. sure my insurance says they cover shots and shots usually provide less trouble but w #hat about the needles. the disposal. a safe place to put those. i cant ask my mom and dad. im alone in this. i cant pay anyone back. no #place wants a deadbeat as a hire and thats all I am to any job no matter how hopeful I come in. no one wants to work with me. no one wants #to train me. my teacher was right on how I was going to grow up. #and yet. again. tomorrow im going to wake up and go 'this is fine' and im going to call and act like everything is ok and assure myself its #ok because it has to be. if I tell myself that enough it has to be true. thats how it works #fake it till you make it and all that #just. man all the adults in my life were right about me lol

[whitelacepants]

Title: Saturated and Inflated

Word count: 1,017

Pairing: Percy/Nico, kinda

Summary: Nico doesn't think Annabeth is a good partner, so he calls her out on it.

ahhhh i finally did it! so this is my little fic thing, i hope you guys like it. i know it's bad, this is the first thing i've written in like 6 years, but pls be nice >_<

for background, nico just tried to off himself but failed, that's why everyone's there in his cabin, and that's why nico confronts annabeth about her behavior, bc he doesn't think he's gonna be around much longer to see the fall out. it's from nico's pov so the italics are his thoughts. this takes place like, 3 years after the earth war, trials of apollo doesnt exist :)

okie dokie, happy reading, let me know what you think ;3

(edit: i just realized the fuckin ages are off in this part ohmygAWD they're supposed to be like 19-21 throughout the whole thing, im sorry i cant do math 😭)

__________

"Has she ever once told you that you were intelligent?" 

The room stills.

I'm gonna die soon anyways so I may as well rock the boat.

"What?" Percy asks.

Will sat a little ways away from Nico on his bed, Percy, Annabeth, Jason, and Piper huddled in front of him on the floor. Piper holds onto Jason's arm like a lifeline while Jason tries his best to remain calm, keeping his face neutral. Confused, Percy takes a breath in to respond, but of course Annabeth has to butt in, because apparently Percy can't think for himself now-

"Nico, what are you talking about? Of course I've mentioned it before-"

"I wasn't asking you." Nico says with a hard edge to his voice. She pauses, her mouth open in shock, before abruptly clicking her mouth shut. Piper and Jason stare on in silence.

He turns his attention back to Percy.

"Percy." Nico pleads quietly. The boy in question had been staring at the floor in front of him with a far away look, presumably trying to remember something that might help his girlfriend's case. Upon further inspection, he looked less "far away" and more...conflicted. Finally, he lifts his head to look into Nico's eyes.

"No. No, she's never...no."

Ah, that's what I thought.

"Has she ever told you that you were pretty?"

Percy startles at the question.

"Pretty?" He asks, as if Nico was insane for even implying that that was something he could actually be, and shakes his head.

"No, no one's ever...called me pretty before."

An absolute shame. It's been 7 years and he's still as stunning as the day i saw him.

Nico looks Percy in his eyes and says,"I'd call you pretty everyday if I could. I'd tell you that you were intelligent everyday until you believed it. Until you could say it yourself," Nico says longingly, slightly desperate but mostly just defeated. The group stares at him in shock. Makes sense. He's not really one to pour his heart out like this, but he may as well keep going. What's he got to lose? Looking down at his hands clenched in the bedsheets in front of him, he continues.

"You don't value him."

Annabeth bristles. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Nico responds in a clipped tone, glaring at her. "You know, for an Athena kid, you're really fucking dense. You don't value him. You treat Percy like he's the bane of your existence and call it "feminism" instead of what it actually is. It's borderline fucking abusive." He ignores the angry scoff Annabeth throws his way and keeps going, her annoyance egging him on. "We all know he was a replacement for Luke anyways, it's not like you hide it very well. That being said, you can't expect him to act like somebody else and then turn around and reprimand him for being his own person." He steels himself. "I know what happened in Tartarus a couple years ago."

"What?" Percy asks in a strained voice.

"Yeah, I found out a couple months after the war was over."

"How did you find out?"

Maybe I'll tell him eventually but. Not today.

"It's not important. I saw the way she used to look at you, and I see the way she looks at you now. It's different than before, more cautious, more...calculated." 

Holy fuck.

He looks up directly into Annabeth's eyes, hit with a realization.

"You're waiting for him to turn on you, just like Luke did, aren't you? That's why you keep him on such a short leash."

She snaps.

"You have no clue what you're fucking talking about!" She stands up, looking ready to fight. Percy holds her back by her arm.

"Oh, I don't?!"

"No, Percy is perfectly fine with me!"

"Annie-" Percy starts.

"Annabeth, he can not breathe with you! Can't you see that?!"

"Nico-" he tries again, but to no avail.

Piper's grip on Jason becomes a little tighter and he reciprocates the action. Will's got his own arms wrapped around himself.

"Fuck, he would do anything for you, and you're taking advantage of that! You call him a stupid fucking nickname and plan out the rest of his life for him knowing good and gods damned well that he's not gonna say anything about it because he wants to keep you happy!" he shouts, starting to feel light headed, his vision getting spotty.

She responds with a hard edge to her voice,"At least I'm not hopelessly in love with a guy that will never give a shit about me."

"Alright, that's enough!" Percy screams. It takes Nico a second to realize that he's shivering. They all are, except for him.

I lost control again. Fuck.

"We're all here today because we want to keep Nico alive, making him scream and cry until he passes out isn't gonna help," Percy says, desperation leaking into his voice. He pulls Annabeth's arm and she sits, albeit reluctantly.

"I'm not-" but when Nico brings a hand up to wipe his face, he's surprised to find that it comes away wet. 

"Oh."

Well that's embarrassing. But I guess it doesn't matter now.

He sniffs at the snot threatening to run from his nose as he swipes at his face with his hands, wiping the fallen tears away. He then presses his palms into his eye sockets, willing the fresh tears to stay put. When he pulls his hands away, his skin colors from irritation and the bags under his eyes are more prominent. He's exhausted, and he says as much.

"I'm going to sleep. Sorry about the temperature change." He apologizes, and moves to lie under his covers, stopping propped up on one elbow. Looking at the floor, he lets out a sigh.

"Hey, Percy?"

"Yeah?"

Nico's hands clench where he's holding his sheets.

"You're one of the smartest and most beautiful people I've ever met." He says in a soft voice, then louder,"And, in regards to the Tartarus thing, I'm here if you ever wanna talk about it with someone who actually understands." He finally looks up at Percy. Percy stares at him for a moment before nodding with an affirmative hum. 

With that, he turns toward the wall and fully lays down, throwing the blanket over his head.

____________

part 2

#how we feelin out there tonight? 👀 #nico di angelo #anti percabeth #percy jackson #pjo #pjo fic #tw sui mention

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 3

Alternatively, Leah misses daddy Plo, gets annoyed by droids and is thoroughly entertained by Jar Jar Binks while simultaneously simping for Padme.

TA~DA! Welcome to part 3 of the reacts series, where we cover episodes 6, 7 and 8! I won’t lie to you, I actually found episode 6 really boring, 7 was less boring and 8 was maybe a little bit funny and I lowkey enjoyed it so much. So yeah, the first two reacts are kinda boring because I was super bored, but 8 is kinda funny. As usual, major spoilers for season 1 of the clone wars.

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5

So, lets do thissssss!

Tags (as always, let me know if you want a tag!): @acciokenobi​ @roseofalderaan​ @catsnkooks​ @peacelandbread​ @littlevodika​ @icedcoffeeandgays​ @captainrexstan​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @mcu-padawan​ @onabouteverything​ @fractiouskat​

Episode 6: Downfall of a Droid

Notes: since writing these, I’ve discovered that I am 100% without a doubt very much a simp for Plo Koon and it shows.

> Pre-warning, I’m writing this on paper and on the train, so there may be slightly less thots thoughts in this one

> “Suffering serious defeats by Grievous”??????? All we’ve seen for 5 episodes now is Grievous lose????????

> Yeah Anakin! You should listen to Ahsoka!

>> (you need to trust my babey)

> Where the fuck is Plo when you need him? I WANNA SEE HIM

> Maybe that image will tide me over? (we all know it wont but that’s off topic)

> Oh for fucks sake I’ve had enough of Grievous

> YEAH R2, WE ALL KNOW YOURE THE ONLY REASON ANAKIN IS ALIVE!

> “this is too easy” oooohhhhh boy, you say that now......

*Grievous ditches his ship*

> ✨ disappointed, but not surprised ✨

> THERE IT IS!!!!! “I got a bad feeling about this” - bringing the total count so far to 2

> W H A T

>> R2D2?????????????????????????

>>> EXCUSE ME WTF?!?!?!?! DID THEY JUST - R2D2 NO!

> OBI WAN HOW DARE YOU R2D2 IS NOT REPLACEABLE

>> This is one of the few times I am more annoyed with Obi-wan than I am horny for him

>>> Wait no scratch that - i just looked at his face again 💖💖💖💖

> I miss Plo already, can he come back now?

> Oh Ahsoka, you’re so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

> omg Goldie???? I LOVE IT he’s kinda adorable

> ooooohhh boy R2 is going to be on that dodgy ass ship isnt he?

> hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah

>> fart humour, i love it!

> Unique items, huh

> OH SHIT THATS THE TYPE OF DROID FROM THE MANDALORIAN

>> just thinking about the mandalorian reminds me of the new armour/helmet kink i discovered I had and how much i love pedro pascal

> Goddammit R3. oh shit oh shit bad droids BAD DROIDS

> is R2 just a really good droid? or do all of them make this many mistakes???

> hahahaha ‘gramps’, Ahsoka he’s literally only 5/6 years older than you

> *GASP* Anakin, he’s not a lightswitch!

> Oh shit, R2 was on the ship!

>> HA HA I WAS RIGHT

> fuck fuck Grievous no dont take R2 bad droid

> okay, I love obi-wan but he’s being a little harsh

>> mild turn-on but ok 👀👀

> aaaawwww the little stomping when he’s excited

> Do we get to see R2 do a mad escape?

>> WE DO!

> oh no, R2 you were so close

> tracking beacon?! R3, what’re you doing?!

> sorry anakin, they definitely saw it

> R3 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE HYPERDRIVE TOO?

> YEAH AHSOKA, YOU SAVE ANAKIN’S BUTT

> You, know, I’m starting to wonder if R3 is doing all this deliberately??

> lowkey, I want to tally the amount of droids grievous hurts/destroys

> well, i want R2 back in the next episode, please and thank you.

Episode 7: Duel of the Droids

> Okay, all I want is for Anakin to hurry up and find R2, because I want this arc to be over

> I’m going to keep this reacts fairly short because I’m a little bit bored

> All I want is more Plo content, is that too much to ask???????

>> If you can’t tell I have a thing for Plo Koon and I officially joined the simp club for him.

> This trandoshan guy is just.... bleh 🤢

* insert gross shiver* 

> YEAH R2 YOURE DOING SO WELL! HOLY SHIT GO R2D2!!!!

> I said it in part 1, and I’ll say it again, R2′s whirring is a mood

> Okay so fucking R3 just turned R2 down, so I am definitely starting to think this is deliberate?

>> HOLY FUCK I JUST REALISED A THING! DUEL OF THE DROIDS???????? R3 VS R2??????????????????

> ANAKIN IGNORE OBI-WAN LIKE USUAL, YOU GO AND SAVE R2 OK?!

> Rex’s expression when he’s told to carry R3 is comedy gold by the way

> Oh please Captain, kindly fuck me

> FUCK YEAH AHSOKA!

> *sighs* Oh the droid humour

> I mean, it is a type of head adjustment I guess 🤷‍♀️

> ...

>> Did you seriously think grievous, being the slimy bastard he is, wasn’t going to kill you?????

> OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT FUCK R3 MAN

> AHSOKA KICK GRIEVOUS’ BIN CHICKEN LOOKI- oh no she was thrown into a wall, never-mind.

> R2 YES ZAP THAT GODDAMN DROID AND SAVE ANAKIN

> oh this is awkward, I love how R2 is insulted that he got R3 hahahahahahahha

> YES AHSOKA YOURE RIGHT, HE IS A STUBBY LITTLE BACKSTABER

> okay the most interesting point of this episode is ahsoka is escaping grievous

> OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT AGAIN?! R2 AND R3 ARE DUELLING!!!! I CAN SEE THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT LIKE A JEDI

> THATS RIGHT BITCH R2D2 IS BETTER

> anakin looking out for R2 is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen

> ngl, i had a small degree of satisfaction when I saw R3 get smashed to bits

> “oh anakin... one day” obi-wan is a mood

> oh thank god its over, alright what’s up next?

Episode 8: Bombad Jedi

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH DOES THIS ONE HAVE JAR JAR IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

> please tell me it has jar jar in it, then it will surely be funnier than the last 2 eps

> OH SHIT THIS EPISODE HAS PADME TOO IM SO HAPPY YAY

> oh in the white outfit too, i love this woman so much

> I’m going to put a photo hear so you can appreciate it too

> My horny bisexual senses are tingling

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA IM ALREADY LAUGHING AT THE STUPID FROG

>> *for context he already fucked up once and we are 1 minute and 15 seconds into the episode

> she has a point though, C3PO does usually get into trouble

> oh boy, he sounds mad.... I’m getting a sinking feeling about this

> oh no

>> ah shit he’s gone and joined the separatists

> YOU DONT GET THE RIGHT TO CALL HER SWEET YOU TRAITOR

> I am much more entertained nonetheless by this episode

> wait so they fart insults???? it sounds like a fart and i giggled a little

> Oh and now jar jar’s trying to talk to them

> HAHAHAHAH C3 always gets shit thrown at him or shot at, whenever he’s in an episode I get a little bit happy 

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH ITS A FUCKING MAGNET OH C3 YOU POOR DROID

> why does he automatically jump to jar jar’s been killed oh my god so little faith like its a swamp planet???? and jar jar comes from a swamp planet????? of course he gone survive falling into water????

> buta mesa sav-ed you? i love this stupid creature oh my god hahahahaha

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE JEDI CLOAK OMG

>> definitely 100% anakins, and I love the Padme has the equivalent of one of his hoodies

>>> I want one too

> ooooohhhh this is not going to go well

> oh boy

> I’m guessing this is where the bombad jedi comes from?

> DARTH JAR JAR

>> I am so sorry no its not mine, but I have no idea who’s it is

> wheresa jedi? OH MESA JEDI?

> have you guys seen zootopia? specifically where they trigger a ‘howl’ with the wolves??? Thats what I headcanon the droids are like with ‘roger roger’

> DAMN PADME THATS SOME MADASS CORE STRENGTH

>> crush me with those muscles please

> “There’s no jedi in here, wait there’s no prisoner in here!” hahahahahahahahah

> One day I’m going to have to do a little audio recording so you all know what sound I make whenever I’ve written hahahahahaha

> FUCK YEAH PADME SLAY THOSE DROIDS

> “I’m afraid the ship has been destroyed.” 

>> “Battle droids?” *shakes head*

>>> “... Jar Jar?”

>>>> “Jar Jar.”

> obviously Padme was right, she usually is

> oh boy Jar Jar is your only hope? you’re in for a shock buddy

> Padme is an excellent shot by the way

> OH MY GOD IT ATE HIM TO PROTECT HIM THATS SO SWEET

> “I think Jar Jar’s dead.” “Oh again?” goddamn it C3PO

> YEAH SLUG CREATURE THING GOOD JOB!

> ...

> excuse me????

> WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND HERE I WAS HATING ON UNCLE ANO WHEN HE IS STILL IN THE REPUBLIC

> okay he has my forgiveness now :))))))

alright, I enjoyed episode 8, 6 and 7 were a little lackluster, but I did like 8 a lot actually, more than I thought I would 

anyways, see you next time for 9, 10 and 11!! (I’m pretty sure I saw ventress and kit fisto in the title image, so be prepared for major ass thots because i am very heavily attracted to one (1) assassin and one (1) fish man)

#star wars #the clone wars #clone wars anakin #star wars the clone wars #tcw #tcw spoilers #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #jar jar binks #padme amidala #c3po #The Clone Wars Reacts #season 1 #anidala #r2d2 #r3s6 #kit fisto #captain rex #darth jar jar

[gingrrfrog]

these nights (4)

word count: 5.6k :/ kinda long sry

warnings: angst

summary: jeno, yejin, and jaemin were a team. they told each other everything, they trusted each other. jaemin nor jeno would lie, right? right?

a/n: hi idk how many of u like this but since the c*ronavirus has me locked inside my house im just gonna write until this is over :/ hehe enjoy also here’s a masterlist I concocted just for timeline purposes :] 

After an hour of chatting, Jihyun finally decided that she was hungry. They both argued over who should cook, Jihyun’s reasoning being for coming over unannounced while Yejin’s reasoning was that Jihyun was the guest—and she would be a horrible host if she made her cook. The bickering ended instead with her calling her sous chef, Taeyong, secretly while Yejin was in the bathroom. Yejin begged, the last thing she wanted to be was a nuisance during but Jihyun only assured her by informing her that Taeyong lived in this same building, asking a small favor before ordering him to shut the restaurant down due to the snow outside.

“You really didn’t have to do that, Unnie. I really could’ve made us something to eat.”

“And I’m telling you that Taeyong owes me a few favors anyway! Plus, it’s not like he’s far from where you live and he lives right upstairs. I promise you it’s fine.”

Yejin sighed heavily, “you’re unbelievable.”

“Believe it or not, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”

Yejin could only laugh as they continued to talk. Yejin opted to sit on the floor criss-crossed as they talked about littler happenings in Jihyun’s pregnancy. Yejin looked at the coffee table while she spoke, noticing a few incriminating photos from the night before, haphazardly shoved under magazines.

Fuck you, Na Jaemin. She hissed to herself. After this, she was never letting Jaemin clean anything. It’s almost as if he planned this. Just then, Jihyun reached over to take the magazine after noticing Yejin’s attention was on the magazine.

“Is there something on the magazine? Oh pictures! Oh—pictures—“

Yejin could do nothing but watch in horror as Jihyun stared at the polaroid in her hands. It was almost like staring at a car crash, she wanted more than anything to look away, but the picture of Jeno’s dick in her hand almost demanded her attention.

“Holy shit, is this Jeno?”

Yejin blanched, her hands catching her hand in pure, unadulterated embarrassment. If she could call Jaemin right now she would scream his ear off, “I am so fucking sorry.”

“No it’s—“ Jihyun tried her best to stifle a laugh as she placed the polaroid back on the coffee table. “It’s…reassuring to know that Jaehyun and I aren’t the only one who do this.”

“But you and Jaehyun oppa don’t keep the photos stupidly hidden under a magazine,” Yejin groaned, her head still hiding in her hands. “I’m going to fucking kill Jaemin.”

“That’s very true. If anyone saw me naked Jaehyun would skin them alive from pure jealousy,” Jihyun failed to hold her giggles back any longer, pulling at Yejin’s arm. “Don’t be embarrassed! I’m not embarrassed! Shocked, maybe, but it’s healthy!”

“You have an amazing body—“ Jihyun mentioned, laughing harder when Yejin screamed out in pain, covering her ears from anymore bullying.

“I need to see your naked pictures now, then,” Yejin said out of nowhere. “There’s no way I can go through this embarrassment on my own.”

“First of all, I have nothing to embarrassed about. Secondly, Jaehyun has them under lock and key, I don’t even get to see them.”

Yejin blinked, “he keeps your photos under lock and key?”

“Ah, well, the disgusting ones are on an old phone, but there’s more to the old phone that made Jaehyun lock it up. It’s not just my asshole on display. However, if you want a conception story for this,” Jihyun pointed to her belly, “there’s an hour long video on that phone.”

“Oh, Jesus, gross,” Yejin meant to say internally, but it came out as a whisper as Jihyun threw a pillow at her.

“Gross?!”

“I don’t really want to think about Jaehyun oppa that way! It’s weird,” she mumbled. “As beautiful as you are together, he’s not my type.”

“What is your type then?” Jihyun asked, taking another pillow under her chin, “dopey eyed and nagging?”

Yejin snorted, “yeah, actually.”

“And you couldn’t find it in one so you gathered two?”

“Jaemin wasn’t planned, it just kind of happened.”

“I’ve heard that one,” Jihyun grinned, running her hand over her stomach, causing Yejin to laugh.

“I’m serious! I thought he hated me at first, Jaemin. He only glared at me for the first two weeks, but he had to get used to me. Jeno was the only person I knew in Korea when I got here, and I followed him almost everywhere. Jaemin had the key code to our apartment then, and I was always there when Jeno wasn’t, and he kind of had to settle for me until Jeno got home from wherever he was.”

“Jaemin has always been like that as a kid, especially if it was towards Jeno.” Jihyun took the time to reminisce of Jeno and Jaemin when they were younger, always offering fleeting touches whenever they were around or always searching for the others hand when they were far. “Jaemin is possessive, just like Jaehyun, but he likes to pretend he isn’t.”

“What about Jeno, then? What was he like as a kid?”

“You’re going to hate this, but Jeno was a normal kid. He played video games after school, he ate played outside with Jaemin or whatever friend he had at the time, and then he went home. There really isn’t a difference from the Jeno you’re seeing now and the Jeno then.”

“Can I ask you something?” Yejin sat up on the couch, next to Jihyun’s head as she peered up at her. “I guess I’m just a little confused, and I know that this all works with families and stuff, but did you really grow up with Jaehyun and his brothers?”

“I did. I mentioned that I was always with my dad during his jobs, and he was Jaehyun’s dad second-in-command at the time. I was always at their house, playing video games with Jaehyun because he couldn’t go outside a lot because he got sick easily. I played with Jaemin when he got older and I babysat Jisung when he was born. Jaehyun and I grew up together but we didn’t realize we had feelings for each other until we were fifteen…”

“Well, I didn’t realize I had feelings for him until I was fifteen. Jaehyun said he always knew, but I think he’s a liar.” Jihyun laughed.

Yejin smiled fondly, “that’s…kind of amazing. It all makes sense now, I guess, but what about Jeno?”

Jihyun hummed slightly to herself, “Jeno’s family…it’s a little difficult, I’m sure you gathered that already. Jeno’s dad died pretty young, and Jeno’s mom left after that but you know all about his sister.”

Yejin blinked. She racked in her brain for a mention of a sister—Jeno had mentioned his parents several times, about how his father died and his mother left, this was knowledge she had gathered from Jaemin. But a sister? Jeno nor Jaemin mentioned a sister.

Jihyun looked up from her hands to see Yejin contemplating and trying to remember. Jihyun bit her lip and sat up quickly, her head spinning.

“Jeno…Jeno hasn’t told you about her?”

“I mean no but maybe he forgot—or maybe we never got to it or maybe…” Yejin admitted defeat as she realized that Jeno never mentioned his sister and perhaps never made any plans to do so. Jihyun offered an awkward grimace.

Jihyun pondered for a moment, wondering how much she could say without offending the walls Jeno very obviously built. Should Jeno decide to tear the walls himself was one thing, however, it was not up to Jihyun to determine when and how. But, considering the hurt behind Yejin’s eyes, she gathered that it was now the time to play damage control.

“Please don’t be mad that he never told you. Jeno…he likes to be happy. He likes to feel loved and surrounded by the ones he loves—so please be understanding as to why he never told you. I don’t think he ever wanted to remember.”

“Jeno’s sister was my best friend in school. Like Jaehyun, we grew up together too and I considered her my older sister too. We were a set—Johnny oppa and Jieun unnie, Jaehyun and I. When I wasn’t at Jaehyun’s house, I was at their house after school while Jeno was always asking if Jaemin was with me. Jaemin was always attached to my hip at the time, so I guess that’s how Jeno and Jaemin got to be as close as they were.”

“Sorry, I just—“ Yejin shook her head as she tried to digest new information. Five years together and Jeno never gave a hint to a sibling. That being said, this opened a new family tree, one that was huge. “Jeno’s sister, Jieun unnie was with Johnny. Johnny’s first wife died before I got here, so that means Johnny—“

“Is Jeno’s brother in law? Yeah.”

“Then, all of Johnny’s kids are his nieces and nephews?”

Jihyun gave a sheepish smile, “…yeah.”

Yejin let her head fall against the couch, her hands on her face once again as she gripped her scalp, “what the fuck. What the fuck, Lee Jeno?!”

“This isn’t going well, is it?” Jihyun asked, her bottom lip in between her teeth as Yejin reappeared from her hands.

“What happened? Why isn’t she around what the fuck! Why didn’t Jeno tell me anything?!”

“It’s not his fault!” Jihyun quickly tried to explain. “A lot... a lot happened before you got here, Yejin. Jaehyun’s dad died earlier than we thought, alliances that we had were broken at Jaehyun’s sudden inheritance, it was a war we weren’t even slightly ready for.”

“What happened to Jeno’s sister?” Yejin asked again, noticing that Jihyun was trying to divert the conversation. Once the latter realized she had failed, she scooted closer to Yejin, taking her hands in her own and she stared at her with urgency.

“There’s only so much I can tell you, Yejin. Please understand, I was never supposed to tell you about Jieun unnie, that’s above my role. All I can tell you is that once we found out Johnny was a target, he took great care in making sure that she was safe. She took the wrong car that morning, and what was meant for Johnny landed on Jieun unnie.”

Guilt fueled in Yejin’s stomach as she realized she had pressed too hard, watching as Jihyun’s eyes watered at the memory she just barely managed to heal—only for Yejin to come and pick at the wound.

“Jeno lost everything after that. He wasn’t the same, nobody was. He left the day after the funeral and we didn’t know where he was, we looked all over Asia but we never thought he’d be in the states,” Jihyun explained quietly. “Before we could tell him to come back, he came back on his own...with you.”

“That...could be some explanation as to why Jaemin glared at you when you first came up. He was trying to protect Jeno from anything that could hurt him.”

“Jaemin thought i was going to hurt him?”

“...we all did,” Jihyun admitted. “I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thankfully it worked out for this long, but it took me a long time to get me to convince Jaehyun and Johnny oppa that you weren’t going to hurt Jeno. Meanwhile, you took care of Jaemin on your own.”

Yejin huffed, eyes pooling almost instantly as she crashed into Jihyun’s arms, “thank you for trusting me. I love Jeno, more than anything— I would never hurt him.”

She could feel Jihyun’s smile as she wrapped her arms around her body, patting her back, “I know. You don’t have to thank me, if anything, I should be thanking you. I was scared that Jeno would be broken the rest of his life, but you came and it looked like he got better...even now though, I can see that it still hurts him.”

“Regardless, I’m grateful that you were there, and although you had to find out in the most fucked up way, you never asking questions led Jeno to love and appreciate you more.”

“Does that mean that I should never bring this up?”

Jihyun sighed, “that’s a tricky question. I’m not in the position to say because it’s not my relationship and I know you’ll be opening a traumatic can of worms if you do.”

“Should I run it past Jaemin?”

“That might be your safest bet, but you’re not entirely safe from his defensiveness either, fair warning.”

Yejin sighed, still wrapped in Jihyun’s arms as she felt another member begin to squirm against her arm.

“Oh—someone’s awake.”

“She has really good timing.” Yejin mentioned quietly, lifting herself up from her Jihyun’s hold.

“She’s good at that,” Jihyun smiled gently.

Yejin took the time to lay down, watching Jihyun’s stomach stretch and pull as her baby practiced what seemed like yoga inside her. Yejin has never had information overload, but if she did, she imagined this is what it was like. Jihyun took her turn to sit on the floor then, resting her arms on the couch with her head resting against them as she carefully studied Yejin’s face.

“Talk to me, Angel.”

“I’m...just trying to process, I guess.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve never said anything, this is my fault—“

“No, it’s not. I’m not blaming anyone but I’m definitely...upset that no one told me anything until now.” Yejin played with the frayed ends of the pillow she was laying on, staring blankly at the floor. “Jeno is the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, Jaemin too, so how long were they planning on keeping this from me?”

“We all have our demons, Yejin.”

“But we also have people that help us fight them. I just don’t.. I don’t understand.”

“Is there anything you’ve never told Jeno?”

“I mean, I try to be as transparent as I can with him, because I expect the same thing but—“

“—you said try?”

Yejin chewed at her cheek, “maybe I’ve kept things from Jeno and Jaem too, but it still doesn’t reach missing sibling and family information level.”

“Like?”

“Like...I don’t know! Nothing important! Little things!”

“That’s subjective.”

Yejin huffed in disbelief, “I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work on me, Jihyun unnie.”

“I’m not telling you to not be mad at Jeno. I’m just telling you, try to see why he hid it in the first place.”

Yejin grimaced, sitting back up and noticing that her stomach was fully growling at this point. It took a few more seconds for the door bell to ring, Jihyun turning her neck and chuckling to herself quietly.

“Looks like Taeyong oppa also has good timing.”

Yejin helped Jihyun get up from the floor to open the door. Yejin would only be around to thank Taeyong for coming all this way, to which she already had the entire conversation scripted in her head. Taeyong would say it was no problem and that he would do anything for Jihyun, while Jihyun would kiss him goodbye before Doyoung killed her for keeping him from his boyfriend.

The conversation went almost identically in real life, with the exception that Taeyong playfully whined from being discharged from work before greeting Yejin and kissing Jihyun goodbye.

“Let’s eat, hm? everything is better after a good meal.” Jihyun tried her best to comfort while Yejin gave her dull smiles and nods of affirmation.

Maybe this is the feeling of uncertainty and fear she was feeling the morning?

Jaemin 

Sometimes Jaemin wished he didn’t have the job he did. It was nothing against his brother, everything he started and created, and he definitely didn’t feel this disdain because of the danger that came with it. If anything, he wished he were a little further along, near Jeno’s league, doing things like staking out and shooting things…and…well…just doing the cool things that wise guys did.

But Jaemin? Jaemin is nothing but a dirty accountant and that bored him. He doesn’t understand completely why he’s here, sitting in the room along with his brother and Johnny, listening to them vent and scream to the other people on the phone about why a certain action is reckless and why Kun isn’t allowed to do x,y,z.

This is so fucking boring, and Jaemin is barely allowed to go out to take a piss.

During these times, Jaemin would usually entertain himself with Jihyun if she was home, taking time to bond with his soon-to-be sister and take advantage of her cooking, but Jihyun was over with Yejin doing God knows what and probably having ten times more fun than him.  Jaemin holds back a groan before Jaehyun gives him a look.

“Jaemin?”

“Yes hyung?”

“Have you gotten a call from anyone yet?”

“Nope, it’s almost like you forgot to pay the phone bill or something.”

Jaehyun smirked before going back to his call, “no—no Kun hyung, I’m not yelling at you, I just want an explanation…”

Jaemin cleared his throat as he heard the phone ring, noticing that Mark’s number was on. He answered it quickly, eager to talk to anyone that wasn’t himself.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Hey, Jaemin, I thought I called Jaehyun hyung’s line sorry—“

“Please don’t hang up,” Jaemin cried quietly. “If I have to listen to myself think one more time I’m going to kill myself.”

Mark laughed on the other line, bright and annoying as it always was, “well Jaem! I don’t really have anything to tell you really, but I can think of someone who does.”

Jaemin perked up on the other side of the phone as there was silence, a few shuffles, and then a familiar voice on the line, “Hello?”

“Hey stud,” Jaemin grinned.

Jeno scoffed on the other line and he could almost imagine the roll of his eyes, “behave—Mark hyung is right here.”

“It’s not like he can hear me, you’re the one making a big deal,” Jaemin defended. “How are you? Everything okay?”

Jeno hummed, “yeah. It’s pretty boring right now. The suspected building is an orphanage—we really aren’t seeing anything but a whole bunch of kids.”

Jaemin narrowed his eyes, “you think they’re doing work in an orphanage?”

“I’m not sure, I guess that’s what we’re here to find out. But what better way to recruit than build a false sense of family with illicit business.”

“You’re the one to talk.”

Jeno chuckled, “I know. Anyway, the phone service here is suspicious and goes in and out every two hours. It might be really hard for me to call Yejinie later…do you think you could tell her?”

“Of course. She might cry.”

Jeno whined, “why would you tell me that? I’m going to feel awful all day.”

“I’m kidding. Odds are she’s going to be pretty disappointed but I honestly doubt that she’ll cry about it—not over the phone at least.”

“Just tell her I love her and that I’m sorry. I’ll call her as soon as I can.”

“I’ll pass it along.”

“Thank you. And Jaem?”

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”

Jaemin’s ears burned before he could laugh and react, “I love you. Don’t forget to call.”

“I won’t. I’m nearing the end of the hour, service is about to shut off again.”

“Okay, okay—I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Jaemin hung up the phone at the same time Jaehyun and Johnny had, both with grave looks on their faces. Jaehyun was the first to exhale and rub his face harshly before pulling it back, staring at the phone in front of him.

“I can’t wait til this blows over,” Jaehyun groaned.

“It’s only two more days, we should be good,” Johnny cleared his throat. He looked over at Jaemin and cocked his head, “did Jeno tell you anything?”

“How did you know I was talking to Jeno?”

“Do you usually tell anyone else you love them?”

Jaemin snorted and recounted the quick information he was told from his boyfriend, not long before Jaehyun nodded.

“It’s the same thing Mark just told me,” Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair before glancing over at Johnny. “Hyung, what if we got this all wrong?”

Johnny shook his head, “it’s only 6:30. We don’t have the slightest idea as to what they do at night, and if we got it all wrong then we keep looking. That’s all.”

Jaehyun stood up from his chair and stretched his neck, “I’m going to take a break. Take one if you all need one.”

Without another word, Jaehyun exited the room as Jaemin watched Johnny sink in his chair further.

“Hyung,” he started, carefully. “Do you think we have it all wrong?”

Johnny used his knuckles to rub the underside of his chin, scratching at the prickly hairs that were forming as he stared at the wall mindlessly, “I don’t have a clue, Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s jaw tensed before staring at Johnny for a few moments, not long before he decided to take a break and call Yejin now that he had the change.

The call went as he expected, she was delighted to hear from him and disappointed to find out she wouldn’t be hearing from Jeno tonight. He had asked how it was going between the two of them, both Jihyun and the baby and Yejin recounted that it was going great, and that it felt nice to have someone around the two days that neither he or Jeno would be around. They chatted very little, as Jaehyun reentered the meeting room before Jaemin did, prompting him to end the call a little earlier than he would’ve liked.

So then, the cycle continued. Jaemin continued to stare at his phone in silence as Johnny and Jaehyun returned to arguing with whomever was on the phone at that time. Jaemin couldn’t begin to think how people in office jobs could do this—quite honestly, it made him sick to his stomach. Regardless, noon came around quicker than he thought it would, and they had delivered Chinese food considering his brother was being stingy with the food in the fridge. Hour passed quicker after lunch as they were allowed another break, but Jaemin took advantage of this to take a nap, falling asleep on the meeting room couch before being woken up two hours later, graciously as Jaehyun had let him sleep in.

Jaemin peeked at his brother through his eyelashes, watching as he discussed quietly with Johnny over the plan time and time again, feeling sick to his stomach as he felt a wave of deja vu hit him like a truck. Jaemin, when he was younger and before Jisung was born, was often attached to his father and always sat around in his office despite his father lecturing him on secrecy. Granted, at the time, Jaemin didn’t know anything that his father did, nor did he care, he just remembered sitting on the couch playing on whatever handheld device he had while he argued with his right hand man, who was then Jihyun’s father.

Jaehyun now looked almost identical to their father in his earlier years. The same frown, the same hand on his chin whenever he was thinking…even the way he stood over the phone to speak into it was the same, as well as the same curses and swears their father used to say. Jaemin closed his eyes all the way and pretended, just for a moment, that he was the same 8 year old boy taking a nap on the dusty worn out couch, hiding from his eccentric mother only for a second’s worth of silence. It didn’t work, however, as he heard his landline ring, and he was rushed out of his daydream.

He noticed it was later now, closer to dinner time as he reached to answer the phone. The number was Mark’s again, and he answered swiftly only to hear him cut off just when Mark answered hello.

“That phone cut off is a bitch,” Jaemin groaned, still somewhat bleary eyes and cranky. “How are we supposed to call them if someone over there is cutting off the phone lines every two to three hours?!”

“That’s what we were talking about just now,” Jaehyun sighed. “I feel like we have the right place, they aren’t cutting phone lines for no reason, much less a good one, so the orphanage has to be a front.”

“Unless they’re trying to save money?” Johnny pressed.

Jaehyun shook his head, “an orphanage? Cutting off service? Hyung, the orphanage should be the first place that has phone service, delivery calls, emergency calls, calls from adoptions agencies. There’s no reason why those phones shouldn’t and wouldn’t be ringing off the wall.”

“That’s what you would think.”

Jaehyun blew a short breath out of his nose before rubbing his chin, “yeah. That is what I would think.”

Soon after, dinner time came along but neither party was hungry enough to eat—just from the sheer anxiety from Mark’s incomplete call. More so because it’s been two hours, and he has yet to call again. A clean-up operation rarely goes wrong, especially if Mark and Jeno are behind it, but Jaemin still can’t help to feel a sense of unnerving fear to him, one that threatens the lunch in his stomach.

Ten pm and Johnny had left to his room, Jaehyun and Jaemin being the only two in the rooms, both waiting for someone to say something. After a few minutes, Jaehyun turned to Jaemin and gave him an awkward smile.

“You can go to bed, Jaem. I’ll probably be up late anyway.”

“I think I’ll stay here for a little bit, if that’s okay,” Jaemin returned the smile before Yejin came to mind. “But, I’ll take a break real quick. If that’s okay.”

Jaehyun nodded, “of course.”

Jaemin got up from his seat, freezing once he heard Jaehyun clear his throat, “hey, Jaemin? You don’t have to but—“

“Yeah, I’ll ask about Jihyun noona.” Jaemin smiled widely, relief washing over Jaehyun as he gave him a genuine smile this time.

“Thank you.”

Jaemin left the room for a bit of privacy, opting for the smaller meeting room and taking a seat in one of the armchairs. After a single dial tone, Yejin answered almost immediately.

“Jaem?”

“Hi Angel,” Jaemin smiled, fatigue flowing out of his fingertips as his heart beats happily. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Jihyun unnie went to bed kind of early, about an hour ago.”

“Jaehyun hyung asked me to check on her, is she okay?”

“You won’t believe it but she’s given birth and the baby has taken it’s first steps.”

Jaemin laughed, “you’re lucky I’m not my brother, I wouldn’t have found it remotely funny.”

“I wouldn’t dream of saying any of this to your brother in the first place,” Yejin laughed. “How are you, baby? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is okay here. I slept for a while so time went a lot faster,” Jaemin reassured, “it really is the most boring fucking job in the world. It’s like a call center but for illegal things.”

Yejin giggled, “when we’re old we can go to a farm. You, me, and Jeno raising chickens.”

“That’s all I want, let’s buy a farm house right now.”

“God no, if I’m around a farm I’ll kill myself.”

Jaemin grinned and played with the hem of his shirt, taking the time to listen to Yejin’s soft sighs before she continued, “have you heard from Jeno?”

“I haven’t. I’m sorry, baby. When he called the line went flat and I wasn’t able to talk to him.”

“oh. okay.”

“I’m sure I’ll talk to him tomorrow morning. He’s leaving the site tonight for another one, hopefully this one has better reception and I won’t have to play messenger.”  

“Hopefully. It feels weird not having either of you here, it’s too quiet—more so now that Jihyun unnie went to sleep.”

“I told you you’d miss us when we’re not around.”

“How was I supposed to know I’d miss your annoying whining?”

“You’re supposed to miss me, every single waking moment of your life.”

“You’re psychotic,”

“Psychotically in love…with you,” Jaemin cooed, laughing wholeheartedly when he heard her gag over the phone.

“Just now I was beginning to think I believed Jihyun unnie when she said Jaehyun oppa gave you a run for your money in affection. But you really are disgusting,“

“Babe he really does give me a run for my money,” Jaemin grinned. “It’s actually disgusting.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,”

“Yeah right, over his dead body. Major tsundere—maybe even abusive.”

“Now you’re just being an asshole—“

Jaemin jumped at the sound of the door swinging open, his brother shoving his coat on as he gave Jaemin a frantic look. “We have to go. Now.”

“What—?”

“Now, Jaemin!”

Jaemin scurried on his feet, “Yejin? Baby? I’ve got to go, okay? I’ll call you in a little.”

“Jaemin? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“I uh,” he cleared his throat and ran to grab his jacket before shoving it on with his phone pressed between his cheek and shoulder. “I don’t know yet, angel. I’m sorry. I’ll call you.”

“O-okay. Be safe, I love you.”

“I love you, sweetheart. So much.” Jaemin blew a kiss into the receiver before hanging up, shoving the device in his pocket as he caught the gun Jaehyun tossed him midair. Johnny had already started the car outside as he was being led inside.

“Hyung, what the fuck is going on?” He asked after settling in his seat.

“Mark called. He told me Jeno was bringing the car around when they flipped the car over.”

Jaemin felt his heart fall to his feet and the bile rise in his throat, “what? What do you mean? Who’s they? Is Jeno okay? Is he still there?”

“We don’t know. I don’t know anything.” Jaehyun admitted quietly.

Jaemin clenched his jaw, “what do you mean you don’t fucking know anything?”

“He’s at the hospital, unresponsive.” Johnny added sourly. “Your brother didn’t want to tell you that bit.”

Jaemin’s breath is shallow as he glared at Johnny through the rearview mirror, somehow also begging him to tell him that this was some kind of sick fucking joke. Jaemin tried to regulate his breathing until he got to the hospital, Johnny dropping both Jaehyun and Jaemin at the doors.

Jaemin pushed through people, causing his older brother to apologize for his behavior despite Jaehyun calling out for him to wait for him. He reached the reception desk and demanded for Lee Jeno’s room, only to make the nurse behind the desk stare at him in confusion.

“Are you fucking deaf? Lee. Je. No. Do I have to spell it out—?”

“Jaemin, take a seat,” Jaehyun suddenly said behind him, taking his arm and gently nudging him to the side before Jaemin snatched his arm out of his hold.

“No.This is all your fault, this would’ve never happened if-“

“Excuse me,” said Jaehyun suddenly, giving the receptionist a smile before bowing. He took Jaemin’s arm again, this time much harder as he pulled him in an empty hallway.

“Is that how you speak to someone who is trying to help you?” Jaehyun seethed quietly, glaring at his youngest brother as his grip tightened around his arm.

Jaemin’s jaw was set as he glared at his brother in return, tears filling his eyes as he refused to reply.

“Speak.” He growled, “you had no problem speaking up when you were in front of the nurse and you will do the same now if you had something worthwhile to say.”

Jaemin remained silent as Jaehyun let go of his arm, “that’s what I fucking thought. I give you a lot of slack because you’re my brother Jaemin, but don’t disrespect me again. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, hyung.” Jaemin spat, his eyes now on the floor as he watched a tear fall onto his shoe.

“You will stay here, I will go speak to the receptionist. If you make another scene, so help me God, Jaemin I will fuck you up myself. Do I make myself clear?”

Jaemin nodded, falling against the wall as he slowly slid down while bystanders walk past him.

He felt as if he had been staring at the wall for hours until he heard a familiar voice next to him. He looked up to see Mark with a grim look on his face. Jaemin stood up and Mark didn’t waste any time in taking his hands and bowing deeply. He was saying something but even then he could pinpoint what the words were.

“…so sorry, Jaem. It should’ve been me, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be like that, hyung,” Jaemin felt like he was speaking underwater, too calm and too distant. “I’d feel just as awful if it were you.”

“He’s okay, though.” Mark continued. Jaemin must’ve not been speaking this entire time. “He’s concussed, real bad. A lot of broken bones, but he’ll be out of surgery soon. He’s alive, Jaem.”

“Where is he?” Jaemin barely got out, surprising Mark.

“In surgery still, it’ll be a few more hours, but we can go to the waiting room,” Mark wrapped an am around Jaemin’s shoulder. “Do you want to call Yejin?”

Jaemin shook his head, looking at the time on his wrist before looking back at Mark, “no. She should get some rest, I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? She’s probably worried right now.”

“She won’t sleep if I tell her tonight, it’s best if we wait until morning.”

Mark grimaced before nodding, leading Jaemin into the waiting room where Jaehyun and Johnny sat on the opposite side. Jaemin made sure he didn’t sit down until he glared at his brother once more, listening to Mark give him his entire story. 

previous

next

masterlist

#nct mafia #nct mafia au #na jaemin #jaemin #lee jeno #jeno #jung jaehyun #jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream #nct 127 #jaemin smut #jaemin scenario #jaemin fluff #jeno scenario #jeno fluff #jeno smut #jaehyun mafia #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #holy shit this is too many tags for comfort there has to be another way #anywa #god my brain hurts #hhh

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

here we are, folks, mama's gonna write another one of these things so sit down and enjoy some post-hoco peter starts to fall for mj shits

sigh why do i even bother

Caught Stealing

Peter likes to think he's been doing pretty good at this whole superhero thing for quite a while now; saving people, giving directions, catching thieves. Things have been going pretty great.

But the one thief he didn't expect to show up on his radar was one that didn't even show up when he was in spidey-mode, oh no, this one showed up when he was regular ol' peter parker for crying out loud. Just one day at another one of these acadec meetings, Peter Parker saw MJ try to steal a glance at him while he was on a call with Happy, and his brain was left on buffer for the rest of the call, the meeting, and pretty much the entire week after.

"Hey, Ned, hav you ever seen MJ like... look at me?" Peter asks Ned in the cafeteria while MJ wasn't there yet (he's brave enough to go through flames with a broken leg to save Liz's supervillain dad but hell if he's brave enough to talk about a potential crush just mere feet near said crush).

"Yes," answered Ned without even looking, and just continued eating his tuna sandwich lunch.

"What!?" Peter exclaims slightly loudly making him take a look around him to see if anyone (MJ) might have noticed. To his relief, no one did what with all the conversations happening in the cafeteria and MJ still wasn't there. "When were you going to tell me?"

Ned swallows the bite he just took, "I thought you did know."

"Well, clearly I didn't. I've been pretty busy with ~something~ as you know."

"Pfftt yeah and you were also crushing pretty hard on Liz if I can also recall."

"Okay, okay fine whatever, we've already established I've been busy. I just- how long have you known? Or how long have you noticed it was going on?"

"You seriously haven't noticed?" Ned asks genuinely a bit shocked that Peter didn't know.

"Dude, I'm telling you I haven't-" Peter repeats for the nth time, frustrated he still doesn't know how long this has been going on. "How long?"

Ned lets out a chuckle of disbelief, "Pretty much since halfway through freshman year, bro. Wow, I can't believe you really haven't noticed. Some Peter-tingle you've got there."

Peter lets out a huff of frustration, "It doesn't work that way. And ugh can you please not call it the Peter-tingle? I already get enough of that from Aunt May."

Ned turns his hands up in defeat and just proceeds to continue eating his lunch again.

"I can't believe this, has it really been going on for that-"

"Hey, losers," MJ greets to their table, finally showing up to their usual spot.

"MJ!" Peter almost shouts from shock. Man, Ned might be right, his (ugh) Peter-tingle just wasn't working right now.

MJ snorts from Peter's reaction, "Yes, Peter, it is me, MJ, the girl who's been sitting next to you guys for the better part of a year now,' MJ mock explains. "You doing okay there, Pete?" MJ asks finally taking a seat.

"Yeah, yeah, just a bit jumpy, I guess..."

"Alright, whatever. What can't you believe has been going on for that long?"

"What?"

"When I got here, you were saying you can't believe it's been going on for that long. What has?"

Peter looks to Ned in a panic and he blurts out "Spiders!" in response, making Peter face palm himself on the table.

"Spiders?" MJ still asks, being what Ned said did nothing to explain anything.

"Yeah... Peter's had this really intense phobia of them ever since we went on that fieldtrip. He accidentally slipped in the bathroom this morning cause he saw a spider and he couldn't believe he still hasn't gotten over his phobia," Ned explains lies so casually, but by the end of it sighs and gives Peter a not really that subtle thumbs up.

Peter on the other hand is semi-frustrated over having to lie to MJ about TWO things in his life now and the fact that his best friend just made him seem like a scaredy cat that actually slips in the bathroom from seeing a spider. His frustration doesn't last though cause he's just waiting to see if MJ actually buys Ned's load of spider phobia bs.

"Oh, okay-" MJ thinks about how they were probably talking about spider-man things before she came but decides to just go along with their excuse and thinks about a possible cause of the phobia on the very highly unlikely (at least in her opinion) chance that Ned was actually telling the truth, remembering Peter's uncle dying just a few weeks after the fieldtrip and feeling bad for Pete so she offers up a solution or maybe just something to comfort him.

"You know, they say that to get rid of a phobia, exposure therapy works, so maybe it'll make you feel better to know that humans swallow up to like 10 spiders in an entire year," MJ jokes a bit awkwardly and pointedly that she just proceeded to eat her meal after finishing her sentence.

It makes Peter chuckle for a bit though so MJ releases that breath she didn't know she was holding and continues to avert her eyes to her meal and just continue eating.

"Wow, MJ yeah sure, nothing'll make me feel better like knowing there's probably like hundreds of tiny spiders inside me right now," Peter remarks sarcastically making MJ laugh as he fake shivers.

"Glad I could help," MJ winks and then averts her eyes again to get her book so she could read while eating, signalling she was ready for this convo to end (she wasn't going to be able to talk after what she can't believe she just did).

And Peter's kinda glad she does end it because holy sh- did, did MJ really just wink at him right now? Did that just happen?

Peter looks to Ned for confirmation who could only shrug in response being just as unsure about what to make of it as well.

Wondering what the hell just happened is the last thought circling inside Peter's brain while Ned just changes the subject to something else that didn't even register to Peter.

MJ may actually ACTUALLY like him, and Peter doesn't have a single clue what to do about it.

Nothing as it turns out, cause as the rest of the week passes without fanfare, it seems like Peter's finally regaining his sanity again as he thinks that maybe MJ looking at him was just MJ being MJ and he goes back to thinking of MJ as his friend and not the smart funny pretty girl who might have a crush on him, which she doesn't.

Until, yet again, Happy interrupts Peter at this week's acadec meeting and he steps outside to take the call.

"What, Happy? I told you I was busy during saturdays with acadec, what do you want?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was talking to Mr. Bigshot here. You know, I started on Stark Industries as a dri-"

And with that, Peter just proceeded to wince and hit himself with his phone, knowing he just made this phone call twice as long as what it probably would have been. He starts to just block out what Happy is saying and takes a peek at what he's missing at acadec.

Flash is asleep at the sidelines, must have been that party Peter saw he was having posted and streamed all over social media, it was so annoying. Ned, Cindy, Sally, and Abe were all on a roll tossing out answers back to back, Eddie was blanking and swearing the answer was at the tip of his tongue, and MJ as usual, was running the drills.

Yet again, Peter was thinking about how wonky his brain must have been to actually think that MJ, don't give an f what anyone thinks acadec team cap MJ, actually liked him.

But it seemed Peter must have been staring for too long because MJ noticed and glanced at him too, making Peter panic and immediately avert his eyes to a different direction, any direction at that. God, why was he this awkward?

But god help Peter Parker who must just be an awkwardness masochist because he couldn't help but just sneak a peek once again, only to see MJ was still looking at him and he must have had some ridiculous shocked expression on his face because the slightest grin started to appear on MJ's face and she looked away with almost- was that- A BLUSH?? a blushing expression on her face??? did that? she just? whattttt????

But before Peter could even get himself together, MJ looked back at him again only to grin over the fact Peter was still looking at her and roll her eyes over how ridiculous this wordless convo they were having across the room was, that she just snickered and gave a silent hi and subtle wave hidden from their team mates just below the podium.

Peter found himself grinning like an idiot too and could only give one awestruck wave which made MJ snicker and avert her eyes back to their team mates with a barely noticable flush on her face and a blink and you'll miss it, moment where MJ had to think about what she was saying before she and Peter began this cutely wordless reparte across the room.

MJ had to think about what she was going to say. Cool, suave, witty retorts and comebacks MJ seemed to have a moment of speechlessness.

okay.

And so as Peter could only hear a faint "Peter? Peter, are you still listening to me?" from his phone, he knew that he was absolutely, one hundred percent without a single doubt in his mind, truly, and utterly, fucked.

Maybe MJ wasn't the only one who had a crush.

heeyy yooeesss i missed writing mah anxious boi's pov yallssss. i miss writing for them in general huhu. also im probs gonna write a bunch more of these how they fell for each other fics cus i think this version of em/phase of their relationship is pretty underrated hehe

plus i still cant get over ffh pj disapproval so fine i'll just write the middle man fics myself then. it's just so easy to see how pete could fall for mj, i just cant

toot toot and i hope yalls enjoyed dis folks. it's good to be back. rlly missed em, ya know?

#spideychelle #<3 #peter parker #michelle jones #spideychelle is canon bitches #spideychelle is canon

[kitsunes-hut-of-fics]

"sHUT YOUR, fUCKING MOUTH"

Hal immediately stopped talking, turning to him. He thinks back to what Dirk had told him about Tavros all those weeks ago, and the picture he painted of Tavros definitely wasn't this. But, over time he's found that this, in fact, is how Tavros is.

"Excuse me?" He asked the troll, raising an eyebrow "I'm speaking factually"

"nO, uH, iTS WRONG. yOU'RE WRONG, bITCH." Tav began, his stutter almost making it sound childish, making Hal stifle a laugh "sNAKES ARE, vERY MUCH BABIES AND NOT, rUDE!"

"How would you know?" Hal questioned curiously, making Tavros grin, blank eyes suddenly filled with excitement. Was this his plan all along?

"i UH, cAN TALK TO ANIMALS. sINCE IM A UH, bRONZE?" Hal cocked his head, putting a finger under his own chin

"Is that so? Prove it."

Tavros nodded, and within a few minutes, a small garden snake began to crawl up his leg, something expected of sitting on the ground in a garden, But Hal chalked it up to well, Tavros called him over. This was confirmed when Tavros picked him up and held him to his face

"hEY THERE. wHATS YOUR NAME?"

"That's pretty childi--"

"hIS NAME IS, lEAF. hE SAYS UH, iTS BECAUSE HE LIKES, lEAVES THE MOST."

Hal blinked a bit, surprised. He could brush it off as him simply having a pet snake he wasn't aware of, but something about him told Hal he wouldn't lie. So, he watched as the snake slithered around Tavros' shoulders, even going up the back of his head.

"He's--"

"i KNOW," Tavros cut him off, letting the snake go around his horn, smiling as he did so. Hal leaned back, supporting himself with his hands as he watched "Huh. Guess I was wrong." He said, finally admitting defeat. He'd usually put up a fight about being right, but Tav looked so happy, he couldn't do it.

Soon, the troll held his hand to the snake, then reached his hand out to Hal, offering him the snake. This startled Hal, hey, he wasn't expecting it!

"Woah, hey,"

"hE WANTS TO, sAY HI!" Tav said happily, Hal gulping as he watched, Jumping when he saw the snake slither closer. This in return spooked the snake, making him flail before falling to the ground, slithering away as Tav began patting the ground to find him.

"Sorry, Tav, Didn't mean to scare him away!" Hal immediately began apologizing, even if it was out of character for him, he felt the need to. Tavros just smiled up to him, leaning on his side slightly to get comfortable again "iTS FINE! yOU WERE, uH, sCARED. nO HARD FEELINGS! dID HE BITE YOU OR ANYTHING, oR ARE YOU JUST SPOOKED?"

Suddenly, Hal got an idea, smirking slightly. "Actually, yeah...on my hand" he said, holding it up to show him the nonexistent bite mark "You might have to kiss it better."

"tHAT WON'T WORK, tO HEAL--"

"Not the point." Hal said, smirking more as Tavros took his hand in his own clawed hand, and kissed it.

"aNYWHERE ELSE?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he smiled a bit

"Yep." Hal pointed to his lips, and within monents, Tavros' lips were on the Almost-Human Androids, planning on kissing them till they hurt.

Then, he'd plan to kiss that better.

#hs tavros #homestuck tavros #tavros nitram #tavros #homestuck tavros nitram #hs tavros nitram #hal #haltav #tavhal #autoresponder hal #lil hal #hs hal #homestuck hal #homestuck

[thewhumperinwhite]

FBI AU: Painkillers

Reasonable Question: hey Beau, where tf are your other wips right now why are you only posting this one? Answer: I have homework, and this is the only one I have pre-written :-)

@whumpitywhumpwhump bc ur comments are the only thing keeping me going at this stage lmao

TW for: explicitly referenced noncon, drugs, referenced domestic abuse, Various Medical Things, Cops

They want to take Simon off the case, which is actually kind of--fine with him at this point. The downside is that it takes some wrangling to get him in to see the kid when he wakes up, but Simon’s been working for the Bureau for long enough that when the people in charge see the look on his face, they let him through, even if they’re not sure they should.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting. Rona said the kid was lucid, but to be honest it seems like too much to hope for. He certainly isn’t expecting him to turn away from the Agent taking his statement to look at him with surprised recognition and rasp, “Hey, you’re not dead.”

Simon stares at him, aware that the duty officer--it’s Gus Chase, he realizes with the very small part of his brain not occupied with complete astonishment--is staring between him and the kid, startled.

“You--remember me?” Simon says, alarmed; the best case scenario would be that the kid remembers as little as possible, though maybe not for the case.

Heinrich Arthur Lange nods, a slight movement but still kind of mind-blowing; he’s limp against the pillow but the bed is angled upward and apparently his statement is making enough sense that Gus is taking it down, though he looks kind of green, poor guy.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he says, mostly to Gus, who shakes his head.

“A break might be good for both of us,” Gus says in his soft voice, and makes kind of a hasty exit.

“He seems nice,” Heinrich Arthur Lange says to Simon. His voice is a little mushy, because of how fucked up his lips are, but he doesn’t sound like he’s had a stroke.

Simon sits down. He isn’t sure he can talk yet.

“Tenor had a gun,” Heinrich Arthur Lange says, still sounding like the only obstacle to his speaking clearly is his torn-up mouth. “I figured he’d shot you.”

Simon shakes his head. Then he remembers that Tenor Bradshaw did, actually, shoot him, and he tries to clear the weird lump in his throat, though he doesn’t quite succeed. “He missed,” he rasps.

Heinrich Lange huffs faintly, and after a second Simon realizes to his complete bewilderment that he’s laughing. “Lucky,” he says.

“Lange,” Simon says, and the kid’s exposed eye flashes.

“Art,” he corrects immediately. Simon blinks. That name hadn’t occurred to him, though he realizes he doesn’t know where a person could go with “Heinrich.”

“Art,” Simon says, then has to stop to figure out what comes next. “You seem--you feel okay?”

Art makes that little airless huffing sound again; laughter when your throat and lips are swollen, Simon guesses. “I’m fucking blazed, pretty sure,” he says, almost conspiratorially.

It startles Simon into a smile, though it feels strange on his face. “I guess you must be. You should be hurting like hell, kid.”

Art glances down at himself; his arm is still in its sling and his leg is elevated so it doesn’t shift. “Yeah,” he says, like none of that is distressing at all. “I hear you got ‘im, though, so. Not that big a deal. And--is Tenor dead?”

Simon nods eagerly, since the kid sounds like it’s good news; it is good news.

Art smiles crookedly; it looks small and out of place under the cannula in his nose and Simon’s heart does a weird squeezing thing in his chest. “Nice,” Art says, and his hand twitches unbelievably into probably the best thumbs-up he can manage, though it seems to be a mistake. “Ouch,” he says, wincing and spreading his hand back out slowly. “He was a fucking creep. He got harder every time I screamed. Hope it hurt.” He says this without any change of expression. “Did he break my hip?”

Simon, who is beginning to feel like he’s having an out-of-body experience, nods helplessly.

“Bastard,” Art says calmly. “Hey, what’s your name, again?”

“Simon,” Simon says with numb lips. “Blake.”

“Cool. Did you kill him?” Art looks at him guilelessly, though the question makes all the air rush out of Simon’s lungs. He knows he must make some kind of face, though Art doesn’t seem to notice. Finally he forces himself to shake his head.

“My partner,” he croaks.

“Cool,” Art says again, almost grinning. “I don’t remember him.”

“Her,” Simon corrects without thinking. Then, still not thinking, he asks, “What do you remember, Art?”

Art looks up at the ceiling, thoughtfully. “I remember most of it, I’m pretty sure. You can ask your buddy, I think I got to the part where they kidnapped us already. He said I could see Karim once I gave my statement.” Art looks over at him, and Simon wrestles his face back under control. “He’s okay, right?” Art asks easily, he clearly already knows the answer, so he isn’t put off by the jerkiness of Simon’s nod. He relaxes back against the pillows, smiling dreamily up at the ceiling. 

“That’s so great,” Art said. “I’m so glad it worked.”

“What worked, Art?” Simon says, his voice sounding weirdly quiet over the sick pounding of his heart in his ears.

“He was in a cult, y’know,” Art says. “He didn’t know he was in a cult. He didn’t believe me when I told him, but he was starting to when they killed me--when they tried to kill me, I guess.” He frowns thoughtfully. “I wonder if Micah meant to do that. If he didn’t kill me on purpose. I guess he might have wanted to keep fucking me,” Art says, like it doesn’t mean anything. Simon puts his hand over his mouth, trying to breathe through his nose; he feels a sudden deep sympathy for Karim Mun, puking all over his hospital sheets; Micah Trent nearly tore this boy in half.

Art must see the movement of Simon’s hand out of the corner of his eye; he turns to look at him curiously. Simon drops his hand and tries to force his face back to something neutral but he can see Art’s expression morph very slowly from mild confusion to something else, like he’s thinking very hard.

“You all know who I am,” Art says slowly, like he’s putting puzzle pieces together through all the painkillers he’s on. Simon nods, since they do, and Art looks at him, his one visible eye clearing, like he’s actually seeing Simon for the first time.

“Don’t let my father in,” he says, his voice very serious. “I don’t want to see him. Don’t let him in here.”

“What?” Simon says helplessly. He can hear voices outside; Art hasn’t been awake very long, in addition to the various agencies that need his statement there have to be nurses and doctors he needs to talk to, and several of them are coming through the door, but Art is looking at him, and Simon leans in close to hear what he has to say before a dozen more important people shuffle him out of the room.

“Simon,” Art says quietly, while the doctor taps Simon on the shoulder. “He killed my brother.”

----

Rona Cowl rarely looks impressed, but after Simon waves the file around in front of her and rants for fifteen minutes, she looks even more unimpressed than usual.

“I know how it sounds,” he tells her, deflating slightly.

“Uh huh,” Rona says. She’s slouching back in a waiting room chair with her arms crossed, the picture of unconcern. “Blake, when was the last time you left this hospital?”

“I’m not cleared to leave yet.”

“Right,” Rona says, drawing the word out in a way that makes Simon’s cheeks heat immediately. “Can I ask how you got that file, then?”

He got it from the police captain, who’s never worked with the FBI before and looked at his arm sling with something pretty near hero worship, and gave him the file on Michael Lange’s accidental death almost before he was done asking. “Doesn’t matter where I got it,” Simon says, and winces inwardly, since that’s worse than making up a lie.

Rona sighs and rubs at her temple, the closest she ever comes to admitting she’s tired. Simon remembers with a touch of guilt that she’s essentially running the case by herself since he’s out of commission.

“Simon,” Rona says, which is a bad start; using his first name is a cheap trick and Rona Cowl rarely resorts to cheap tricks. “Heinrich Lange is a republican senator.” Simon glowers, getting ready to argue any assertion that that makes him immune to scrutiny, but Rona goes on, “I’m totally ready to believe he’s an abusive prick. I’m pretty near ready to believe he’s a murderer. You know what I know for a fact he’s not, though?”

Simon glares at her, since he doesn’t have an answer.

“He’s not a cult leader. He’s not on the Most Wanted list. And he’s not my case right now.”

Simon knows she’s right, which immediately makes him angrier. “Rona, Art was--”

“Simon,” Rona says, sitting up, and really looks at him, in a way she rarely looks at anyone, no mocking in her eyes. “Heinrich Lange didn’t put his son in that hospital bed. Micah Trent did. And he’s got the money to hire lawyers bloodthirsty enough to take any distraction they can and open his cell door with it. You fucking know that.”

Simon does know it. He doesn’t drop Rona’s gaze, though. “Rona,” he says, almost desperate for her to understand. “Art knows that. But he didn’t ask me to keep Micah Trent out of his hospital room. He asked about his father.”

Rona shakes her head, though she looks a bit uncomfortable. “He knows we’ve got Trent in custody. He doesn’t need to tell us to keep him out.”

Simon sighs, runs his hand through his hair. He knows it’s more than that, but he doesn’t have any way to explain it to Rona other than to say he can feel it, and there’s no phrase Rona hates more than that one. “Fine,” he says, defeated, and tosses the file onto Rona’s lap. “I get it. One case at a time. You’re on door duty, though, if I’m not there.” He looks at her, makes her meet his eyes so she’ll know he’s deadly serious. “I don’t want Senator Lange within a mile of that hospital room. You didn’t hear him say it.”

Rona looks at him for a second, and then sighs and waves her hand. “Alright, alright, I hear you. I’ll keep an eye out.”

#FBI au #whump #original whump #hospital whump #painkillers #drugged whumpee #(art is a lot more open than he would normally be bc he's fucking High As A Kite) #referenced noncon #aftermath of noncon #domestic abuse whump

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 20

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- nothing really happened in this either? but he’s really thinking tho? next chapter more stuff will happen i promise :) idk when itll be posted because i work the next 4 days but ill try to take some time to work on it.

- thank you so so so so much for everyone who reads this and especially those who comment. honestly it means so much, you guys make me smile. you make me want to update more and faster. so thank you. thank you so so much <33

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 20 : His chapter

NIALL

When Olivia left, I waited for Maya to show up. I decided to invite her home but as I was waiting for her, I changed my mind and decided that maybe it was a mistake. I didn't want to give her the wrong impression and I also didn't want to be stuck with her. It was too late though and the more I thought about what she had done, the angrier I was getting. When the doorbell rang, I literally jumped off my couch and ran to the door.

There she was, on my porch, with a large smile gracing her lips, and it made me realize I would literally have to break her heart. I breathed in and sent her a polite smile before moving out of her way.

"Come in." I simply said as she walked inside.

Her eyes lingered on all the bags still laying in the lobby and I noticed she frowned but I just closed the door and walked past her to reach the living room. I moved my hand to show her the couch and I waited until she was sitting down to take a seat on an other couch but still close to her. We remained silent for a few minutes and I looked at her as her eyes roamed around the room.

"Where is she?" she asked without looking at me.

"Who?" I frowned.

"Olivia."

I felt surprised that she asked but I didn't know what to answer. Was that a question I was required to answer?  I shook my head slightly but she finally turned back to look at me, sending me a weird look. She looked a mix of pissed and hurt and I was not sure I really understood her reaction until she talked again.

"Before we left, you told me you wanted to be alone." she added, explaining her question. "But her stuff is in the lobby. Why did you lie to me, Niall?"

I was flabbergasted by her reaction and at the same time, I was getting pissed. I didn't understand exactly what gave her the right to act possessively with me but I was clearly beyond annoyed.

"That's why I asked you to come here."

"So you're breaking up with me? For her?"

I made a grimace and shook my head.

"Wait, what?"

i didn't understand how she came up to that conclusion and I frowned more, trying to remember the conversations we had had in the past few days. I didn't remember that seeing a girl would bring all of these problems but I knew it did. It reminded me most of the girls I used to date before and how hard it was every single time because of the friendship I had with Olivia. I used to get so many questions, get into so many arguments... I knew it would be different if my best friend was a guy but that fact that she was a girl made all of my relationships so fucking complicated.  The only exceptions were girls like Heidi, who didn't see any competition when they looked at my best friend. Perhaps that was why she was the only one I still had something going on with.

"You said you didn't feel like hanging out, yet you're hanging out with her." she repeated. "She's not only your best friend, right? She's not really dating Harry?"

I took a big breath and brought my hands to my face before rubbing my eyes. I was so tired of people expecting Liv and I to be in love, so tired to have everyone telling me how I supposedly feel, so fucking tired to argue and fight about it... I was not in the mood to repeat over and over again that we were just friends and that it wasn't anyone's place to decide for us what our relationship consisted of. Plus, I was already mad at Maya for that stupid picture she posted online and that was the only thing I wanted to address at this moment.

"I am not dating Liv, she's my best friend. You know that."

"Yea, I know that the first time we almost had sex, you left when I was half naked to go take care of her. I know that you and her are close, maybe even too close, for friends. And I know that earlier you told me you didn't want to be around people yet you invited her here."

The memory of that time, a few months ago, when we almost fucked, came back to my mind. I swallowed hard at how wrong it sounded the way she just explained it and I knew I should feel guilty but I didn't. I was fine with leaving her there and yes, maybe I had just changed my mind about wanting to have sex with her but everyone makes mistakes, right? At that moment, leaving seemed like the best solution and I couldn't pretend that running away didn’t seem like a great solution to escape this ridiculous discussion, too.

"I didn't ask you to come here to talk about Olivia!"

"I don't care, Niall, I came here to make love, but clearly now i'm not in the mood anymore."

She inhaled angrily and got up, making me do the same quickly.

"I didn't invite you here to fuck, Maya!" I let out a bit too loud. "I asked you to come here about this!"

Roughly, I brought my phone closer to her face where the picture of us was posted. Her gaze moved from mine and down to the screen of my phone before her face softened slightly, turning into a guilty look.

"I thought we were dating." she explained so low I barely heard.

Her words made me even angrier than I already was and I swallowed hard all the rude words I wanted to tell her. I was not an angry person normally but in the past few days, it seemed like everything annoyed me and I became way more impulsive than my personality normally shows.

"You know damn well we're not dating, Maya." I let out in a lower tone, trying not to sound too mad. "I said I wanted to try. I said we'd start with a date."

"We kissed, too. And held hands... I thought-"

"I know." I cut her quickly, watching her facial expression turn into sadness. What was it with me, recently? Why did I hurt everyone? "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but you need to delete this picture."

She scoffed and shook her head, avoiding my eyes and I could feel the pain emanating from her body, making my anger decline slightly. I didn't want to hurt her but at the same time, we really needed to make things clear about how we felt and what we expected from this relationship.

"Do you know how many times this picture has been liked, Niall?"

I sighed loud and rubbed my eyes again, letting out a short groan. I didn't know but I could certainly take a good guess. I was also aware that someone probably took a screenshot of it in the next few seconds after it was posted. I hadn't taken the time to look at the comments but I could bet there were many and I wasn't too sure I wanted to read.

"Take the picture off." I asked again, feeling defeated. "Or at least, change the damn caption, Maya."

It took her a while but eventually, she rolled her eyes and took her phone in her purse. I waited impatiently as she typed on her phone and with a sigh, she looked up at me.

"I deleted it."

"Thank you."

I was not sure why but it felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders and I closed my eyes. I felt lighter, like half the stress I had had just disappeared. My whole body relaxed and it's when I realized how tensed I had been. When I opened my eyes again, Maya was throwing back her phone in her purse, making sure our eyes didn't meet.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I just asked in a calmer way as she shook her head.

"Not now, Niall." she admitted, passing a hand in her hair nervously. "I need time."

"I think we need to clear up what this relationship is exactly." I insisted.

This time, she looked up right in my eyes and I knew that if looks could kill, i'd be a dead man. As I stared back at her, I realized that all these problems and fights were definitely not worth the relationship we could have and the thought made me feel guilty as shit. She stood there in front of me, extra gorgeous and fucking sexy, and I couldn't feel an ounce of regret at the thought of stopping things with her immediately. Even the way she was angrily looking at me should have been some sort of a turn on but I felt nothing and I had no idea why.

"We don't need to clear up anything, Niall." she let out harshly, putting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "You were very fucking clear."

We stared at each other in silence for about a minute and I knew that her irritated expression hid something else, I could read it in her eyes. She expected me to say something, beg her to stay, tell her I have feelings for her... I knew it. I just didn't want to say these things and lie to her. For a few seconds, I saw sadness in her eyes but she quickly shook her head and pressed her lips together.

"Goodbye, Niall Horan."

I was almost expecting her to add something like 'I hope your dick gets bitten off by a wild animal’ but she just walked past me quickly as I stood there motionless and powerless to the whole situation. Did we just 'break up'? How can you break up with someone you weren't even dating? I shook my head to get out of my thoughts and ran behind her until the front door.

"I'm sorry!" I let out. "Are you still in for that double date?"

She stopped dead in her track and stayed without moving for a while, her back facing me, as i held the side of the door, keeping it ajar. She seemed to hesitate as I asked myself internally why the hell I had just asked that. It's not that I didn't want to try with her, it's just that clearly, we were on a different page. She wanted something steady and I just wanted to have fun.

She finally turned around slowly and I raised my eyebrows.

"!'m sure Liv and Harry are still up for it." I let out, shrugging one of my shoulders.

"But she-"

"She's my best friend." I explained a bit louder, cutting her. "Just my best friend."

I watched as her shoulders fell and she closed her eyes with a sigh. I was not sure why she wanted to try again, or why I even proposed it to her but I felt bad for hurting her and I didn't know how to make things better. The small smile she sent me proved that I did the right thing.

"Alright, call me."

The left corner of my lips raised up and I nodded.

"Sure will." I promised with a small wave.

I was a bit surprised when she blew me a kiss but I sent her a bigger smile and waited until she got in her car and drove away to get back inside and close the door behind me. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes and leaning against the door before sighing loud. Once again, I felt like I took a wrong decision but if i wanted to be honest, it felt like a recurrent thing these day. I was trying to make Maya happy, to respect Harry and Liv's relationship, to convince everyone that Liv was just my friend and to keep all my bitter remarks to myself. I hit my head gently against the door a few times and groaned, searching for my phone in my pocket.

'I'm done. Come by whenever you want.'

I quickly hit send, not really expecting my best friend to run by my side unless it didn't go well with Harry but I still waited a few minutes against the door, trying to convince myself to move. I ended up back on the couch, laying down, scrolling through social medias when I really shouldn't. I wanted to know who had seen the picture Maya had posted and what everyone was saying but at the same time, I didn't want to.

I went back to the picture Harry had posted on instagram and my eyes caught the name of my best friend in the comments. I couldn't stop myself from reading what people had written and I felt my heart twist in my chest. I was not the kind of person to let what people say affect me but some of these comments could really put me in a bad mood, sometimes.

'Harry is dating Olivia????'

'!!!!! look how he's nuzzling her hair !!!'

'this makes me want to puke'

'I ship it!'

'I was so sure she and Niall would end up dating why is she with Harry and why is Niall with that girl?'

'IS HE DATING HER??? IS SHE A MODEL?'

'OMFG SHE'S SO PRETTY!'

'he's hot and she's hot'

'wow big surprise he's now dating a model 🙄 so predictable'

'i hope she dies'

'you guys need glasses that girl is fucking ugly'

'😭😭😭😭'

'Niall and Olivia are literally my OTP this is so fucking sad'

I blinked a few times, staring at the last comment and decided to open google to search for that term I didn't understand. Most of the reactions were not surprising but the comments about my best friend and I made my heart sink in my chest. Clearly, we were doing something wrong if everyone, including people who didn't know us, thought we had feelings for each other.

"One true pairing." I read outloud.

It took me a few seconds to realize what it meant and I cursed low, shaking my head with a sigh. After all this time being friends with Olivia, we had some random people wishing -and expecting!- us to end up together. I placed my phone on my chest and closed my eyes, trying to think of which comments seemed more off to me. The ones about me dating Maya, or the ones about me being meant to be with Liv.

I let my mind wander on some of the memories we had and it made me smile. I couldn't deny that we had amazing chemistry and that we understood each other like no one else did but at the same time, isn't it a fun part of starting a relationship? Getting to know each other? There were definitely some things I didn't know about her but I knew a whole lot and I was wondering if it would make things boring or monotone to date my best friend. There was one thing I didn't know about her but just thinking about it reminded me of my dream and I closed my eyes even tighter, trying to get rid of the images flooding my brain. There was also that time when I caught her masturbating a few days ago that seemed to appear in my mind randomly and although I had found it funny at first, now I couldn't help but wonder why the hell I remembered it so clearly and intensely.

I felt myself get harder in my pants and groaned, annoyed by how easily I was turned on. It was not like me to get hard with random thoughts, especially not about my best friend, and I sighed, passing my hand in my hair, irritated by my own behavior. I heard the doorbell ring and with a lot of effort, I jumped off the couch and walked to the door.

My heart jumped in my chest when my best friend's smiling face appeared behind it and I didn't know why. After all, I did expect her, but maybe the fact that I had been thinking about her naked only a few seconds before she got here was embarrassing me slightly.

"Oh, hey."

Her smile fell a bit and she scoffed, pushing my shoulder jokingly.

"You're the one who told me to come back here." she explained, raising her eyebrows. "I can leave if you want."

"No, no it's not you." I groaned. "Wasn't pleasant with Maya, t's'all."

I saw her frown but she took a step inside and I sighed again, turning around and walking back to the living room. I lied back down and closed my eyes again but I felt her push my legs to sit next to me.

"You're a paiiiiin in my ass." I let out dramatically but jokingly.

"But you wouldn't be happy without me."

"That's right." I confessed with a sigh, searching for her arm and pulling on it when I finally found it. "Come here."

I felt half her body laying on mine and she moved, trying to find a better way to lay with me. She ended up holding herself on my stomach and I groaned again when she hurt me a bit.

"Ouch?"

"Sorry!"

She ended up laying on her side next to me, her arm around my chest and mine around her shoulders. We remained like that for a few minutes until she finally talked.

"Is it weird that we cuddle like that?"

It took me a few seconds to understand what she said but I finally opened my eyes and turned her way, my face in her hair and a lock of it sticking to my lips. I didn't want to answer because I didn't know what to answer. I wanted to say no, and if she had asked me that a few months before, that would have been my answer. But now, everyone seemed to say that things had changed and that our friendship was not normal. Some people even wanted us to be together, which was a new thing for me and kind of hard to assimilate. I was not lying to myself and I had no idea why everyone thought so. I had a few moments of weakness where I actually lusted my best friend, big deal.

"We've always cuddled like that." I just replied, pointing out the obvious.

She looked up in my eyes and I sent her a smile. I was not sure if it was fake or not but she answered it and after a while, I tapped her arm a few times and sat up.

"Come on, I'll prepare some food for us, what do you say?"

She followed me to the kitchen and reached for the fridge, opening it and bending down to take a look inside. My eyes fluttered close and I groaned again at the sight, deciding I had been abstinent for way too long if I was about to think about sex every single time my best friend was bending down. I couldn't get hard whenever I saw some skin, I was not 16 anymore, and the whole thing sounded so juvenile that I was starting to be mad at myself.

"Pancakes night." I just said, trying to think about something else than how horny I was.

She giggled and I opened my eyes again, noticing she was holding the milk and flour in her hands. I smiled back and shrugged, not really surprised we had thought about the same thing. We started preparing everything and without any surprise again, she dropped an egg on the floor and spilled floor over it. I hated messes, that was a fact, but watching her face all white with powder as she tried to clean her mess was more endearing that I could admit.

"You're such a clumsy ass." I chuckled, bending down to help her.

"Yea, and you're an asshole." she joked, avoiding my eyes as she used a paper towel to clean the egg. It escaped her fingers and she cursed in a whisper.

"Actually, Maya said-"

"Maya can go fuck herself."

We both stopped moving at the same time, startled by her harsh words and I moved my head up very slowly to look at her. Her lips were parted and I could even swear I saw her bottom one shake slightly.

"I mean..."

Her words lingered in the air, turning the atmosphere upside down until she sighed and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I know you and her have something going on but I just, I don't know. She gives me a bad vibe."

I raised my eyebrows in shock realizing she felt for my sort-of relationship exactly what I felt for her sort-of relationship. It was weird and sad at the same time, especially that we both seemed to enjoy each other's company more.

"You and Harry give me a bad vibe too."

She looked up and her eyes met mine. I didn't know why my heart jumped in my chest again but it did and I just accepted it.

"I know."

We stayed motionless for a while but eventually, we finished cleaning and kept on cooking in silence. It's only when we sat at the table to eat that I dared to look at her. She was sitting besides me and I poured some syrup on my pancakes as she was grabbing the butter, spreading some on hers. She looked sad and I hated it. All I wanted was to see her smile again. i dipped one of my fingers in the syrup and quickly wiped it on her cheek. She held her breath as I started laughing and she finally turned to me, sending me angry eyes. I knew she wasn't really mad but the sight was hilarious and I laughed again.

"Oh hey, Liv, you’ve got something on your cheek." I chuckled, getting up. "Let me help you with it."

Quickly to make sure she didn't have time to react, I bent down and licked her cheek, making her scream in a high-pitched voice. I burst into laughter again as she rubbed her hand on her cheek. I let myself fall on my chair again and when I opened my eyes, she was smiling widely at me.

"Just for that smile, it was worth it."

Her eyes softened and her smile turned into a fond one. At that exact moment, I would have given anything to find out what was going on in her head but I just reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers.

"Come on, eat." I proposed, moving my chin her way.

She reached for the bottle of syrup and put it out of my reach, making me laugh again. I didn't want to hear about what happened between Harry and her, and I didn't want to tell her about Maya and I's conversation. All I wanted was to spend time with her, pretending no one else was important. I just wanted to pretend things were exactly the way they were a few months ago because If I wanted to be honest, that's precisely how I thought things should be: me, her, and no one else.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfictions #my fanfics #amc #hope this chapter isnt too bad?

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1 #anime #recap #comedy

[angelicrome]

history repeats itself ✦ c.h

This is a part 2 of TEMPER, but y’all can still read it. 

✽ requests or just feedback - masterlist

pairing: calum hood x reader

warning: no. read it. enjoy it. look forward to part 3. that’s an order. 

author’s note: this is a part 2 of temper, folks, but you can just read the resume if y’all don’t want to read the first part because this is SO much better. 

✽ RESUME: Calum finally convinced his best friend to go to a party even though she really did not want to. At the party, Y/N tries to kiss Luke but gets rejected. She becomes frustrated because she is in love with Calum and he has a girlfriend. She tells Luke that - but he tells her that he doesn’t anymore. She downs a few shots of strong alcohol before Calum comes up to her and says that they ‘need to talk’. And that's what you missed you GLEE. (im so sorry i couldn’t stop myself). 

≠

The cold was biting your nose. You actually had no idea what time it was - it could be late evening or early morning to you, it felt the same. Your eyes were hazy, your body was drained and it felt like your brain was going to explode. The last couple of hours played on repeat inside your mind. You tried to kiss Luke, for goodness sake.

You could hear the music from inside and could almost feel the bass and the rhythm which calmed you down a bit, even though you were in the middle of panicking. Calum somehow convinced the bartender to use the red backdoor - that was so heavy you were sure it was made of stone - to get a little space because the front door was packed with people in front of it. And both you and Calum could use some fresh air. The bartender let you out to a beautiful little spot outside and gave you a beer each on the way out. Honestly, he was the best bartender you’ve ever met. And he was kind of handsome - maybe he was the just the right way to get over Calum.

You crossed your arms, not because you were mad or sad, just because it was cold and your cheap leather jacket really didn’t do much to keep the cold away from you.

“It’s getting colder,” you laughed nervously because you didn't know what to say. The silence between you and Calum was awful, it was just in the air and poking at you. You couldn’t read his face at all.

“Yeah,” He mumbled, chugging a bit on the beer. You were sitting around a broken, round table that looked like it came from an old diner and on some old garden chairs. You imagined that it was here the employees would take a break, get some water before they would have to handle all of the drunk people inside of the club. You looked straight into his face as he purposely looked away from you. His cheeks were flustered and redder than usual.

“Okay, listen, you can’t just take me out here and say that we need to talk and then just not talk to me.” You raised your voice a little bit but regretted it as soon as he looked at the grown, his lips trembling - you couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sorrow.

“You kissed Luke.” His lips were without a doubt trembling because of anger. His face was red and his eyes were filled with some kind of darkness. 

“I tried to, but I got rejected.”

“That doesn’t matter.” He stood up from the chair with power, making it peep a little and you were sure that it was going to break if he sat down again. He held the beer in his hand so tight that the glass might actually break from his grip.

“He didn’t kiss me back.” You crossed your legs and leaned back in the chair, your head tilting slightly and a frown appearing on your lips. It was none of his business. “Why do you even care?”

“Because…” He stretched the word, not knowing what to say. You got curious and mad and was just waiting for him to say the right thing.

“What?” You snapped. “Why do you care? Huh, Calum!”

“Because it's so-not-like-you to do that kind of thing!” He was waving his hands all around the place. “Something is wrong, Y/N, and I know that, because you would not kiss Luke unless you were sad or whatever!”

You stood up in anger, making your chair fall backwards. “Sad? You think I’m fucking sad! No, listen to me you, big fucking man-child, I am not sad.” Tears started welling up in your eyes, which actually just made you look sad. You took three steps to get closer to Calum. The beat of the club had died out and all you could feel, all you could hear was the beat of your own heart as you yelled at your best friend and Calum’s heavy panting.

“Then what? You won’t tell me, am I just supposed to guess? You think I’m suddenly a mind reader, Y/N?”

A devilish grin spread on your face. “Fuck you.” You sang the words and you could feel a single tear running down your cheek, but you just neglected it. You let Calum see how broken and mad you were, how irritated he had made you. “Fuck you, Calum, and your double standards! You want me to tell you something when you won’t even tell me anything anymore!”

“What are you talking about?” His voice was a small, irritated whisper and he closed his eyes shortly as you were standing there, beer in your hand and with a boiling red face. He didn’t want you to feel this way and you knew that.

“Luke had to tell me. That you and that girlfriend broke up. So ex-girlfriend now.” You crossed your arms and stared at him, trying the best not to sound petty. It was barely a day since the two broke up and he hadn’t gotten around to tell you yet. It was a shitty reason to be mad and it was definitely not the real reason why you were mad. 

“Are you fucking joking?” He laughed, his arms dangling around his body as he turned to the side and put the beer on the ground. He stayed there, squatting and pulled out a cigarette. The silence was among the two of you as he exhaled and inhaled, smoking in and out. The smoke looked pretty when it was hit by the right lighting of the moon.

“No.” He then said quietly and you weren’t sure what to responds. His face was away from you, all you could see was his black locks and he gave up on the squatting to stand up again, keeping your eyes locked. “You not mad about me not telling you.”

“Why not?” You felt defeated. He saw right through you.

“Because you’re not such a drama queen. You’re usually… undramatic.” You raised your eyebrow at him. “Okay, maybe not undramatic to all, but to me you are. You’ve never started a fight with me before.”

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. You just stood completely still as Calum took another inhale. You hated smoking, but it felt wrong to point it out at that moment.

“You stopped calling me, okay. That’s why I knew something was wrong.” Calum mumbled as he blew the smoke out. Ugh, the smell of nicotine made you want to puke. “I miss you.” He muttered. 

You stood five meters apart from each other. He looked so relaxed and in control and you looked so tense and angry. Like a ticking bomb - and he was doing his best to defuse you.

“I just want to talk to you again.” He murmured with the cigarette in between his lips. It disgusted you that you still wanted to kiss him so badly, even with a cigarette in his mouth.

“There’s no easy way to explain it.” You said with a sigh, knowing there were two possibilities now. Could you even explain how much you loved him to him or should you just keep it the way things were? Tell him that you just missed your best friend, too.

“Try your best. You’re better with words than I am.” Calum smirked and sat down with the old table you had been sitting around at first. That was a lie, you thought to yourself. Calum had a way around words, making the most beautiful sentences sound so effortlessly and the most simple sentences sound so well-thought. You would just ramble when you were talking.

You lifted your chair up because you had furiously tipped it over. You sat down and it felt quiet and peaceful looking into Calum’s eyes. Like silence before the storm. The smell of nicotine and alcohol filled the air and the sound of loud music and thumping people sounded in your ears. The moons shined down on the small diner table, reflecting the light in Calum’s eyes.

“Remember in high school where we didn’t really talk that much? Because you were in love with me and you were scared that if you told me, our friendship would just crumble?” You managed to say through your stuttering and Calum nodded, his eyes empty. The thought of you liking him was already planted in his brain and you couldn’t read his face  - did he like the thought or did he hate it? “Well, history repeats itself,” you chuckled and bit your bottom lip.

Silence, yet another time, hit the two of you. This time it was awkward and painful and long. Did he understand what you had just told him? You put your elbows on the table and hid your face as it was getting a bright-red colour. You could feel the embarrassment to your core.

“Say something, say something, say something.” You whispered in your hands, not sure if he heard it or not. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, like saying those words out loud had pushed all the air out of your lungs. 

“Just... let me get this right,” Calum began slowly with a foggy gaze and you looked up with a sob, still leaning your head on your hands. His mouth seemed to form an O, even when he was talking. “You are, right now, in love with me, currently.” He stumbled over his words in shock. 

You took a deep inhale and sighed very loudly. “Yes.” You leaned back in the chair and nodded. It all seemed so awkward and wrong. This was not the way it was supposed to go. Where was the big swooping kiss you had dreamt of? The truth was, and you knew it deep inside, he didn’t feel the same and that big swooping kiss would never come.

“Well, fuck me.” He said, his eyes almost popping out of his head. “You can’t just tell me that after I just got out of a relationship, yo. Like that’s just-“

“Wrong? Awful? Painful?”

“Bad timing,” Calum said, taking a deep inhale of the cigarette he had been holding on pause for a time. “I can’t even think straight right now.”  

Your heart was pounding and you gasped for air as you were about to say something before Calum cut you off.

“They’re playing Moving Along,” Calum said and pointed to the club. “Maybe we should go inside.”

“Yeah, maybe.” A frown formed on your face and tears started welling up in your eyes. You wanted to throw up, then you wanted to cry your heart out and then take five more shots. Calum stood up and stubbed the cigarette out on the ground. You could feel the actual heartache as he opened the heavy back door and the music got louder and more detailed.

“You coming?” He asked, his voice so quiet and deep yet it had such a big impact on you. It hurt like hell, his voice saying that in such a tone. And the lyric was just too close to home.

Is it wrong if I tell you that I love ya?

Even though I'd never do it when I'm sober

Is it wrong? So wrong

“Yeah,” You got up and followed him inside.

As you got inside, you caught Ashton’s eye and even though he was on the dance floor, singing his heart out to his own song, his happy-face faded as he saw your expression.

You ok? He mimed as he watched how Calum slowly made it to the bar to get a drink for the two of you. You nodded as an answer and let him go back to his happy drunk dancing. You didn’t want to ruin his moment nor his whole night. 

The club was a pretty simple club and seemed small and way too crowded. The flashing lights barely lit up the room which gave it a creepy vibe. Calum handed you a margarita, one of your favourite drink and took a sip of his own whiskey. Calum usually didn’t drink whiskey unless he was in need of a break - maybe that was exactly why he drank it right now. It was all too much for him, you thought. You shouldn’t have told him. 

You didn’t say anything to each other. Even though you felt a striking agony because you just got rejected by, what you thought was, the love of your life, you also felt relieved and light. Your darkest secret just got told to the one person who shouldn’t know about it and it felt like the stone shield - that had been over your heart for so long - just disappeared. You felt so tired and relaxed that you were scared you were just gonna pass out right in the middle of the club.

And exactly as you thought that the flashing lights became slurred and your legs got weaker. Dots started appearing instead of your regular sight, your head got really heavy and sudden nausea formed in your stomach. You tapped Calum on his shoulder to tell him that you were feeling sick, but before you knew of it you passed out on the dirty club floor. The last thing you heard was. Calum’s “Fuck, I did this” and then your body and head went completely numb.

longer author’s note: so, yes, there will be a part 3, i think. i don’t think i’ll make it a series because that’s too much commitment, but a three-part-series i can overcome that - especially when two out of three parts are already written. so look forward to the next part and ye, tell me your thoughts about this one :)))

request here - any fandom will do :)

masterlist here

<33

#5sos imagine #calum hood imagine #luke hemmings imagine #michael clifford imagine #ashton irwin imagine #5sos writing #5sos preference #calum hood imagines #5sos angst #5sos smut #calum hood smut #calum imagine #calum imagines #calum hood angst #calum hood fluff #calum hood writing #5sos fluff #5sos fic #5sos fam #5sos masterlist #5sos calum #5 seconds of summer #5sos requests #5sos one shot #calum hood one shot #calum hood fanfiction #5sos preferences #5sos fanfic #5sos au #5sos drabble

[softforimjaebum]

six words

Im Jaebum x Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary:  Six words, exactly a year ago, had changed your life and now six words were changing your life again.

Genre: Angst

Author’s Note: Firstly, I don’t know why I am doing this, whether this is a one shot or if I want to continue with it, but here it is anyway. Secondly, @greasygyeom started doing playlists with her work, and while I love the idea I suck at making playlist...However, this entire fic was inspired by songs, so I only figured it was right to borrow Greasy’s idea for a playlist. 

Playlist: l o s i n g  p e t u n i a s

Enjoy! <3

Six words, exactly a year ago, had changed your life.

“Will you go out with me?” he had asked, a sheepishly cute smile on his face.

He knew he should have done this months ago, probably the night you had cried into his chest confessing your worries to him, or the morning you brought him coffee to his dorm because you knew he was all alone in his dorm and he had worked late into the night, or during the late night ice cream run after your date went horribly.

There were so many opportunities he had wasted, so much time he had wasted overthinking this when all this while he could've had you all to himself. But he was asking you out now, and he told himself that is better than never asking you out. Seconds felt like hours to him, he swore his heart would give out if you didn't say something.

You couldn't believe your ears, was Im Jaebum asking you out? Had he finally made up his mind to be open about his feelings for you instead of trying (and failing horribly if he asked you) to conceal them?

Of course you had said yes; you would be crazy to say no to dating someone who had come to be your best friend in this foreign land.

And a year later, six words were changing your life again.

“I don't wanna do this anymore”

This time he didn't look at you in the eyes, just kept his eyes focused on a vague place on your face.

You could tell he had been holding onto that feeling too, just like he had been holding onto his feelings for you before you started going out.

It started out with the small things, his body being strung too tight when you touched him. Then his kisses didn't feel like his, his lips telling a very different story than the one he was trying so hard to sell. Then it was the forgotten promises of date nights and standing you up for plans made in advance. It was all so unlike him. It was like you had lost the Jaebum you had come to love somewhere in your mind.

You had known for the last couple of months. The late nights at the studio, the sudden getting in shape, the lipstick stain on his white shirt, the one you loved to lounge around your living room in, the vanilla sex.

But you wanted to hear it- no, you needed to hear it.

Because your mind was a class apart in living inside a bubble, a safe and sound and loving bubble where everything was still just fine between the two of you.

“Why?”

Your question was simple, and he knew what you wanted - needed to hear.

You wanted him to tell you how he had been messing around with another girl, a friend of his friend. You wanted him to confess to cheating on you, to tell you how the late nights at the studio were only half a lie, that she was always there on those late nights, to tell you that the lipstick stain you found on his shirt wasn't from his stylist noona but from her, to tell you how she had been in your bed; he knew you wanted to know everything.

Because without everything, you would always keep giving him chance after chance, you would be there for him like you always had been. He knew the girl in front of him was too stubborn to give up on him.

And that is why he had to tell you every vile detail he would much rather prefer leaving out so that you could at least move on, so you never let anyone hurt you like he had hurt you.

But he couldn't tell you that the first time he woke up and saw her in the bed that you and him had bought together he threw up after she left, because he was sick to his stomach of his own actions. He was a vile fucking human being. How could he have brought her to a home that he had built piece by piece with you?

He couldn't tell you how she made him feel absolute nothing, and how you made him feel a little too much. Like he was in a free fall. He loved you and it terrified him, but none of that was an excuse for him to go seek temporary love from another when he had you right there.

He wanted you to be disgusted with him, just as he was with himself.

And yet he couldn't get those words out of his mouth.

I cheated on you

“You know why. Let's not pretend you that you don’t”

“I don't” you replied, and he felt like a hot iron was being pushed through his body.

How did he look into your eyes, and tell you that he broke your trust? How could he inflict the pain of losing you forever on himself?

But he knew that was the only way you would give up on him.

“I cheated on you- in fact, I have been cheating for the last couple of months”

“And what’s new about that baby?”

You tried to hide the spiteful tone to that word, but Jaebum heard it clear as a day. It would ring in his ears for months to come. But what was worse that you weren't satisfied with just his admission.

He tried to read you, he was always so good at that. But you had your walls up so high even he couldn't see what you were really feeling.

Had you really just accepted that he strayed from you and made your peace with it, just for the sake of not leaving him? And even if you were okay with that, he wasn't. He wasn't allowed to have you, not anymore, not since he touched another girl the way he touched you.

“What do you mean? Why aren't you angry?”

“I mean that was the information I already knew. But my question wasn't about that Jaebum. My question was why did you decide on this now?”

“Because I can't keep lying to you like this goddamnit!”

He was angry for you, at you…but most of all at himself.

What had he pushed you into? How had he allowed you to live with a man like himself? How had he allowed you to make peace with his cheating?

“You seemed to have no problem doing it all this while? I even stopped asking you about your whereabouts too much. So why can't it just go on as usual?”

For a moment he wanted to believe that you were asking this because you wondered if he fell for that girl instead and wanted to be with her; but the defeat in your voice was loud in the silence of your home.

You were numb, somehow you had been expecting this talk for weeks now. But when it was happening right in front of you, you well and truly felt the betrayal of his actions. You were hurting so bad it felt like your heart would give out.

And you were vindictive. Why should you be the only one feeling this pain? Especially when this wasn't even a consequence of your own actions. You wanted him to hurt just as badly as you were.

You kept your body relaxed, unable to stop yourself from pretending that his disloyalty stopped affecting you, pretending that you made peace with it. You could sense his confusion, his guilt at the words he heard you say and the way he heard you say them.

You let out a dry chuckle, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Tell me Jaebum, have you had enough fun with that whore yet or do I need to look the other way a little while longer? Have you been getting enough time with her or should I stop coming by the studio completely?” You paused for a second, “I reduced it anyway. It wouldn't be such a squeeze to stop it entirely”

He could feel the poison in your voice, dripping the venom onto the couch that the two of you often cuddled in. And he felt it burn him, he didn't know anyone's words could.

He was pleading with you to stop, because as bad as it was to hear himself confessing his deeds, it was worse to hear it from you. It was even worse to hear you thinking out loud about ways to overlook it.

“Please, Petunia”

Petunia. There was that nickname that no one understood the sense behind; and if you were honest, you didn't either. One day, about three months into dating you he found out about it, and he never forgot. He found it endearing, and ever since then, you were his petunia. 

There were only two other people who called you that, and suddenly, you missed them a lot more than you would care to admit in your current position.

“Please what baby? Is there even more you would like me to do? Does she want to wear your clothes out like I like to?”

“We could do something about that” you thought out loud. “Or maybe I should just take a vacation trip so you can be around her a little more freely?”

He had had enough of you putting yourself through this misery. He knew you well enough to know this was hurting you just as badly as it was hurting him, and he had had just about enough of being the reason for your pain.

And this was knowing he was going to be continue to be the reason for your pain for a while to come. The kind of scars he had given you didn't go away so easy.

“I fucked her in our bed”

And just like that, all the vindictive feeling in you was gone. 6 words, more like a sucker punch right to your gut.

He could see your entire demeanour change the moment he said those words, words that felt like poison he was spewing at himself more so than you. Your body wasn't so relaxed and fluid anymore; suddenly the puppet strings were pulled, your back was straighter, lips pressed together a little tighter; he had won.

You couldn't find your voice to say a single word more to him, you quietly got up and went inside the bedroom, your shared bedroom, the very bedroom he had just confessed to fucking another girl in.

You could almost throw up seeing that bed in front of your eyes now. God knows how long you have been sleeping in the same bed he fucked her in.

While you had guessed he was cheating on you, the thought of him ever bringing her into the home the two of you had built for yourselves never occurred to you.

You gathered the more important things you could think of in the suitcase under your bed, collected your chargers from the bed side tables, packed the essential bathroom and makeup supplies. It was almost methodical, perhaps somewhere in your mind you had been preparing for this.

Jaebum wanted to crash and burn and cry and beg you to not leave him. He wanted to beg for another chance, for you to trust him just once, for you to believe that he wasn't a lost cause once again, just like you had believed before. He wanted to beg for your hope for him.

But he stayed glued to his spot, knowing that this decision was your own to make. Because if he begged, you would stay. And you would do whatever it took to regain your hope for him. And he knew he didn't deserve any part you, he knew he didn't deserve your love in the least; and more so than anything you didn't deserve a disgusting man like him.

And so he stayed in his place all the while you were inside the bedroom. And he stayed where he was when he heard you dragging what he guessed to be a suitcase down the stairs, and he refused to look at you, eyes glued to the floor beneath him, when you opened the main door to your house and left, letting the door shut by itself behind you.

He had indeed won. He fucked up the only relationship he could see himself being in for the rest of his life.

He had lost the only girl whose trust and belief mattered, all thanks to his own doings.

He had lost the love of his life, he had lost his Petunia.

#jaebum #jaebum angst #jaebum scenarios #jaebum imagines #im jaebum #im jaebum angst #im jaebum scenarios #im jaebum imagines #jb #jb angst #got7 #got7 angst #jaebum fanfic #im jaebum fanfic #jb fanfic #got7 fanfic #fanfiction #jaebum smut #im jaebum smut #*

[runwiththieves-blog]

I’M GONNA DO A QUICK LIL INTRODUCTION HERE SISTERS! bc i’m lame and new!!! well i’m not new to the fandom etc but this is a fresh blog and this is the first time i’ve ever posted my writings anywhere for the general public (who happens to be searching for harry styles smut) can read it and I’M GEEKIN TBQH!! anyway, hi hello – i have a name, but im gonna let u guys call me T, even tho my name starts w H. H would get too confusing should this work out the way i’m hoping it will! so i’m T. and i like writing and harry styles and so i thought i, along with everyone i scream about H to in the wee hours of the night, would probably find it beneficial if i had blog where i could do that and ppl who actually want to read about how i want him to spit in my mouth! i’ve been a silent lurker of the tags for awhile now (shoutout to @stylesunchained, @permanentcross, @jawllines, @canistay-haz for the inspo behind me finally making this godforsaken blog) (please be my friend) (i’m very intimidated by all of u). so yeah i hope this works out, and if not then it was fun to share this little bit of a something with all of u! and if it does then i’ll likely post a pt 2 to this!  if u like it like/reblog if ur into the kinda thing ig :) also my praise kink is jsut as alive as harrys and my ask box is always open to discuss either one <3

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front ‘f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

or

Harry’s your best friend and then you realize a lot of things, mostly that you’re an idiot

7k+, smut, overuse of the word ‘because’

It’s when you’re sitting on the couch next to him that you have your ’oh god’ moment where you realize that you’re actually really into him.

Harry hasn’t done anything to provoke this. He’s literally just sitting there, being his angel-like self because he can’t help it, it’s just who he is and you’ve accepted that. He’s beautiful and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you can feel it down to your toes when you look over to him and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest because he’s already looking at you, like he knows.

“’S wrong, pet? Not in the mood t'cuddle w'me today?” His voice suddenly breaks the comfortable silence you had fallen into, and you feel yourself flush down to your chest because this is Harry calling you out for being weird with him. You’re pretty sure there’s supposed to be at least a three month pining window before he starts to notice.

He’s Harry, though — not megastar Harry Styles, or the Harry his fans have dreamed up in their fantasy worlds where he takes them on luxury getaways whenever he has downtime (you guess they have no idea that he would rather watch romantic comedies and drink wine on the comfort of his own couch). To you, he’s the Harry who held your hair back while you threw up the first night you met at one of Nick’s parties. He’s the Harry who then proceeded to make his home, whenever he got to hangout with Nick and the rest of his friends, right beside you. He’s the Harry who insists that you sleep in his bed with him whenever you’ve had a bit too much to drink (and when you haven’t), instead of crashing on the couch (there are a gazillion fully furnished bedrooms in his house, you’d never have to crash on the couch, but you always crawl into bed with him instead of pointing that out). He’s the Harry who sort of just wiggled his way into your life and heart four years ago and forced you to be his best mate, whether you liked it or not, because he liked you.

So of course he notices when something is off with you. He always has, so you’re not entirely sure why you thought he wouldn’t notice when you went dead silent and put three miles between the two of you, when you had just been curled up against him like you always were on nights like this (and nights not like this, just kind of whenever the two of you were in the general vicinity of each other).

“Jus’ getting t'be a bit sleepy, I think. Think ’m gonna call it a night soon,” you say, and then you spare a glance to the clock on the wall, and it’s barely half ten, and Harry knew damn well that you almost never fell asleep before midnight, and if you did you’d wake up at three in the morning unable to get back to sleep.

The lie seems to do it’s job, though, because he doesn’t press you for further explanation, despite the fact that he’s looking at you in a way that lets you know he knows you’re bullshitting him and he’s bound to find out whatever it is that’s clearly bothering you. It almost feels like a challenge, but you know that this isn’t a game, and Harry gaining knowledge of your newest revelation would change everything, and probably not for the better.

It’s when you’re putting your answer into action that he presses further, because you’re grabbing for your keys, instead of announcing that you’re going to sleep with a kiss to his cheek, or wherever you can reach, and heading up the stairs to his bedroom. “Y'not staying?” He questions, and he’s got a pointed look about his face, and he really looks genuinely concerned, because you’ve never not stayed after a night like this. “’M supposed to meet m'mum for brunch,” you say, and you know it’s a lame excuse, because you’ve stayed over at Harry’s and went to work the next day with no problem. It also doesn’t help that he knows there’s no way your mum isn’t in town, because she would have texted him and made dinner plans a week in advance. They were close like that and you momentarily hate them for it.

He’s looking you over from where he sits and you don’t know if you’ve ever felt more small or intimidated in your life, and all he’s done is look at you. That’s all he’s done all night, really, and you feel like you’re about to claw your way out of your own skin because of it.

The three month pining window would kill you, probably, so scratch that.

“Has anyone ever told you what an awful liar you are? I mean, I know I haven’t, but that’s because you’ve never lied t'me,” he says, and the words send chills all over you skin, because you’ve been maybe not necessarily caught, but he knows there’s something going on, and you don’t know how to get yourself out of this one.

“I’ll cancel,” you finally tell him, accepting defeat, but not admitting to the lie. The fact that there is nothing to cancel isn’t something either of you bring up, even though you both know it.

“Wanna tell me why you’ve been a mile away fr’m me all night, while we’re at it?” He murmurs, and you just shake your head, setting your keys back down on the coffee table and fitting yourself into Harry’s side. “I just didn’t want t'bother you, s'all. You’ve had people all over you for a month now, w'your album 'nd all. Wanted t'give you your space,” you explain, even though you know he’ll see right through that excuse, too, if he really thinks about it, but it’s not nearly as opaque as the brunch thing.

It’s when he calls her cute and tucks her head under his chin that she knows she’s in the clear, for now at least, and she smiles silently. 

—–

You’re in his dressing room helping him get ready for one of his secret shows when it happens again.

It’s nothing different from what you’re usually doing when you get to go to one of his shows, even did it the last couple of years that One Direction toured. You’ve seen all his bits and helped him cover each and every part of them at some point or another, so seeing him without clothes has never had a very strong effect on you (okay, well it did, because you’re human and you’re not blind to the fact that Harry’s gorgeous, but you did a damn good job of hiding it).

And he’s not even naked now, not really — he’s wearing a pair of black boxer briefs, and he’s got his shirt covering his arms, and you’re standing in front of him buttoning (and smirking up at him when he unbuttons one more of the top buttons, even though you know not to even try to start at the top and fix him up proper) from top to bottom, like you always do. It’s become something you just do, no questions asked and for no real reason, because Harry is perfectly capable of buttoning his own shirt. You just like to do it, you suppose, and he’s never had a complaint.

Your fingertips drag across his lower abdomen by accident, before you’ve finished, though, and you swear you feel like your entire body’s on fire, and he hasn’t even touched you.

“I like this shirt,” you tell him as you drag your hands over the fabric covering his tattooed chest to smooth it out. You don’t even know why you said it, it’s like you were trying to distract him from the much more intimate, in your head at least, touch before, even though he probably didn’t even notice or think anything of it if he did.

“’S the ruffles, innit? Makes all the girls wild f'me,” he says, and you know he’s teasing, but his smirk lets you believe for just a moment that he’s flirting with you.

He’s not. It’s something you decide quite easily for the both of you, because it’s easier to shut your brain down that way than let it wonder if, maybe, possibly, he might be feeling everything that you are. You’re a very humble and grounded person, and ironically enough, you pride yourself in being just that. You wouldn’t dare let yourself believe that Harry Styles would ever have any romantic interest in you.

“’S too bad I only care that this one’s wild about it,” he says, kissing your cheek, but it’s so close to your lips, just barely brushing against the corner of your mouth, that you feel dizzy from more than just his statement.

Well. Maybe that changes things little bit.

Because you’re the only one in the room with him, so it’s not like there’s some other girl lurking in the shadows that you didn’t know about. Also, he almost kissed you. Like, really kissed you. Mouth to mouth. Does he know he almost did that? Does he know that you feel like you’re going to pass out the more you think about it? Also, what does that even mean? Why does he only care that you’re 'wild’ about him? There are so many questions and you feel like you’re going to start screaming any second, so you decide a shot of tequila is the best option right now.

–

You’re standing at the side of stage when you realize there’s no coming back from this.

He’s performing 'Woman’ and you don’t think you’ve ever witnessed anything as provocative as this. He’s really into the song, is the thing, and you’re certain he could tell any girl in the building to drop her panties for him, and they would in a heartbeat. You’ll pretend that you aren’t part of that group.

Until he’s looking to the side of the stage, like he’s looking for someone, and once his gaze finds yours and stays there, you realize it’s you that he was looking for.

And oh. Oh.

You are definitely, undeniably part of the Drop-Your-Panties-For-Harry-Styles group. Very much so, indeed. 

He’s got the microphone stand between his legs and he’s practically grinding against it as he just stares at you — he’s been doing that a lot lately, and that’s another one of the many realizations you’ve had in the past week with Harry.

You swear you nearly pass out when he sings the line ’you flower, you feast,’ with the biggest smirk you’ve ever seen before he’s looking back towards the crowd.

And then you have to go. You have to leave and go to his dressing room for the rest of the song, at the very least, because you’re so fucking confused. Where did all of this even come from? Why is he suddenly acting as if he just can’t resist you anymore, like he’s been longing for you this whole time. Was he just lonely? Horny and unwilling to put any effort into finding someone to get his fix with? Was it just a joke? Because the ache in your heart and between your legs was no joke.

You consider leaving the entire establishment when you hear the beginning chords of the last song on the setlist, so that you don’t have to face him afterwards, but instead you find your way back to the side of the stage and watch proudly as your best friend absolutely rips this crowd apart with his talent. You want to cry sometimes because you’re so proud of Harry, you really do. You think you probably will when he heads off on his first headlining tour in a few months. Cry because you’re proud, but also because you’ll be without him for the majority of those three months. The thought tugs at something in your chest, probably your heart, and it makes your eyes sting just for a second, until you’ve pushed the tears off for the moment.

For now, you’re watching on with a smile you just can’t help as he belts out the last few lines of 'Sign of the Times,’ and you want to join in, but you’d die if his microphone were to pick up your awful howling, as well. So, you wait for the end, and then you cheer and scream with the rest of the crowd in front of him. You notice that he spares a glance back at you, and you send him a nod back as you continue your cheering, watching as he practically personally thanks each and every fan in the crowd until the stage has gone dark and the lights in the main establishment have come up, and everyone’s pushing and shoving their way out.

You’re grinning because the star of the whole goddamn show is walking over to you before he is anyone else, and you’re beaming as you wrap your arms around his neck. “You were fucking incredible,” you tell him against his neck, and you take the kiss to the top of your head as an acceptable way to say 'thank you.’

–

It’s when the two of you are back in his dressing room that you feel the tension build again, and you swallow the lump in your throat as you replay his question over and over again: “Where did you go after 'Woman?’”

You want to scream, shout, throw things; not because you’re angry, but because when the hell did Harry get so confrontational? Or was it just something he was doing because you were being noticeably weird with him?You don’t like it at all, despite the fact that you’re always telling him he needs to speak up more. You never meant with you. 

“Had to use the loo,” is the answer you give him, and he cocks an eyebrow at you not a moment after you’ve spoken.

“You feelin’ okay, then? You were gone for four songs after that, and I talk a lot,” he says, and it’s so matter-of-fact that you know he sees right through you, just like he had the other night when you told him you were going to brunch with your mum.

When you don’t say anything for a minute, he presses on, stepping closer to you. “I don’t understand what you’re tryin’ so hard t'hide from me, babe. First the other night, now this — what’s going on?” He questions, and his stare is intense, and it wouldn’t be if were anyone else, but as always, he’s Harry.

“I’m fine, H, just have a lot on m'mind,” you try, feeling absolutely defeated, because try as you might, it really is impossible to lie to Harry, especially when he’s looking at you the way he is. He knows something is up, because you’ve never hidden anything from him. He knew your deepest, darkest secrets three days into your friendship. He knows more about you than any of your exes ever have, and you think that could be part of what scares you so much about him. You feel like if he ever finds out, the chances of you losing him are far greater, and the idea puts a pain in your chest, because what would you ever do without Harry?

You can’t help but miserably stutter and stumble over your words when he asks you who you’ve been thinking about, rather than what, but what catches you even more off guard is him stepping until he’s nearly got you pinned against the wall of his dressing room, and you’re breathing is heavy as you stare up at this beautiful, sweaty boy who just wants to know why you’ve been treating him so differently.

“You’re all I’ve been thinkin’ about, 'f that’s any sort of encouragement,” he tells you, and you want to speak, you do — you want to say something, fucking anything, but you’re frozen and your heart is about to beat right out of your chest.

“You don’t mean that,” is what you say, for whatever reason, and you feel awful as soon as you see the way Harry’s eyebrows furrow and his lips form into a tight line, but he’s not moving away from you at all. If it were possible, you feel like you’re drowning in him even more so.

“I — of course I fucking mean it,” he argues, his eyes unmoving from yours. “I can’t believe you’d fucking say that. Have you not noticed that I spend every bit of free time I have with you? You’re the first and last person I talk to every morning and every night, and the first person I run to when I have news, 'r just something to say. You’re the first person out of everyone I know that I run to after I come off stage — of-fucking-course you’re all I think about,” he says, and although his words are nice and make you feel all warm inside, he sounds angry, and that scares you, because Harry’s never been actually angry with you.

“Harry, I — I’m sorry,” you say, and your voice is nearly a whisper and you feel like crying, because he was honest with you, and you all but said you didn’t believe him, and honestly, how could you be such an idiot? You’ve got the most beautiful man in the world standing in front of you, telling you you’re all he thinks about, and you tell him he doesn’t mean it — who does that?

“I really — I’m so sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just — it’s kinda’ hard t'believe, innit? That the person you’ve got feelings for has them for you, too?” And you realize there really is no going back after you’ve said that out loud, but hopefully it could fix what’s just happened here if he knows the only reason you said it is because it’s just a tad bit unbelievable.

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front 'f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

–

At least, you thought you were dead because you’re pretty certain Harry’s pillowy soft lips are what Heaven is made out of, and if you were experiencing those, you had to be dead, right?

Except now, he’s got you in the back of a car, and his hand is sliding up your thigh, beneath your skirt, and it’s then, with his lips on yours, that it happens again.

You realize that he’s probably not going to be able to come back from this, either. You don’t know when it happened, or why it seems that you both had the realization that you’re fucking mad about each other at the exact same time (not that it isn’t convenient, it’s just strange), but you’re here with him and it feels like he’s using his mouth to promise a lot more than just a few heated kisses.

You pray that this isn’t just some dare, or an adrenaline thing, because you’d have to be blind or just not paying attention to not see that Harry gets hard each and every time he performs to a crowd. Like, fully erect, you’d noticed, and of course you had always teased him for his evident praise kink (’even the twitter fans know, Harry, it’s not a secret’).

But from the way he’s pulling away to whisper praises in your own ear, about how badly he wants you and all that he wants to do to you, how long he’s wanted to do these things to you, you’re starting to realize that this is very real and you aren’t being fucked with at all.

Well, you will be, hopefully, but in an entirely different sense of the word.

You’ve somehow found your way onto Harry’s lap now, because apparently the silently pining over each other thing did a bang up job of sexually frustrating both of you, so you jumped at the opportunity. If you died in a car accident on the lap of Harry Styles with his tongue down your throat, so be it.

–

It’s only five minutes later when you realize you’ve pulled into the driveway, but it feels like it’s been hours, and your lipstick has gone to hell already, and your shirt is hanging off your shoulders, and so is Harry’s because as it turns out: you’re just as good at unbuttoning his shirts as you are at buttoning them.

Despite your messy states, you both thank the driver as you exit the vehicle, and the rush to get to his front door would be funny to absolutely anyone else, but you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to get into bed with someone. Hell, he could get the door opened, closed, and locked again and take you in the corridor and you wouldn’t care. You don’t need a bed, you need his cock. And then you wonder when your self conscious started talking like a porn star.

“Are you goin’ to laugh a'me 'f I try t'dirty talk you?” He asks, and it’s a ridiculous question, because he has no idea how much you’ve fantasized about being the one he’s whispering filth to. “Absolutely not,” is of course your answer, and it’s breathless and you’ve already let your shirt hit the floor, and you’re dropping your skirt at the bottom of the stairs, leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties, which are totally cotton and not matching and not sexy at all, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, because he’s pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and is picking you up to carry you up the stairs a second later.

“Take me t'bed, please,” you murmur in his ear, kissing along his jaw with your arms and legs wrapped tight around him. Everything about this is so, so, so urgent and is happening so fast, and you wish you could slow it down, even if only for a second, because it’s all so much, but it’s not enough at the same time. And you kind of want it to be perfect and remember every little thing, as cheesy as that really is.

He’s got you on his bed in no time, though, and you’re practically shaking, because that’s when it happens again. That’s when you realize this is really about to happen. You’re about to fuck your best friend, and the thought should be terrifying, if for no other reason than all that you’re risking in doing so, but you’re smiling up at him as you grasp the nape of his neck and pull him down towards you so that he’s fitting between your legs and his lips are back on yours for the first time since you got out of the car. “Want you,” you whisper against his mouth, and you realize when you press up against him that there’s no foreplay even needed, because you’re already soaked through the fabric of your panties, and you can still feel where he’s been hard since he left the stage tonight.

“’S that — do you want that?” You ask, and it’s sudden and probably sounds ridiculous, considering the situation you’re currently in, but you think it’s an important question to ask. “This, I mean. Me,” you clarify, blinking up at him, and you doubt seriously that he thinks your awkward quirkiness is cute at all right now, no matter how many times he’s implied how adorable you are because of it.

“You’re the most ridiculous person I know,” is his answer, and you’re starting to think you’ve heard more insults tonight than compliments, which is weird because you always thought Harry would be the type to tell you that you’re beautiful and kiss every inch of your skin. Turns out, he’s still just as good at picking at you even when he’s got you pinned to his bed and your lips swollen from kissing him so much. “Yes, I want that. This. You,” he says after a moment, and you’re blushing as he repeats your own words back to you in confirmation.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” is the next thing out of your mouth, because apparently filters don’t exist anymore, and he shrugs before shaking his head. “Was hoping t'get my mouth on you first, actually,” he tells you, licking over his lips, and you’d swear it was for dramatic effect, but it was also really ridiculously hot, so you can’t even be mad at him for being a walking cliché.

As much as you want to argue with that, because you want him inside of you now (and you also argue with him about whatever it is he wants to do before you eventually give up and do it), he’s looking at you like he might die if he doesn’t have his mouth on your cunt in the next two minutes. How could you deny him, really? It’d be wrong and unjust. 

Or: you really want his mouth on you, too, but you’re willing to let Harry seem more desperate to please you than you are desperate for him to eat you out, even though you’re certain that’s not the truth by any small means.

You don’t know when he took his pants off or your underwear, you must have missed it, unfortunately, but you’re watching him as he kisses over your thighs, and you feel sort of like you just got to fast forward to the good part. It’s when he licks over you completely and presses harder on the upstroke against your clit that you know that’s what happened.

You don’t know if you moan or if you scream, because you’ve tuned everything that isn’t Harry’s mouth on you and the little noises he makes against you all the way out, and you feel a little bit like you’re floating as he sucks at your clit, and your hands had flown to his hair the second he’d started that.

“Fuck, Harry, please,” you whine, and you don’t even know what you’re asking for, but you know you need more of anything he’s willing to give you. “Taste so good, baby. ’S it feel as good as y'taste?” He murmurs against you, and his voice vibrating against you may be hotter than anything you could possibly think up for him to do to you — and you’ve thought of a lot. All you can do is nod and give his hair a tug, grinding up against his mouth, and you wonder if he notices that you’re practically riding his face while he fucks his tongue into you, licking in and around your entrance, and you could cry from how good he’s making you feel. But also because it’s Harry who is doing this to you.

It’s the Harry who would rather stay in and cuddle with you than go to a party packed with A-listers. It’s Harry, whose preferred method of clearing out a cake batter bowl before putting it in the dishwasher, is the the two of you licking it clean. Harry, who would do anything and everything for you, and never make you feel like it was anything less than what he wanted to do. It’s Harry, and he’s told you a million times how much he loves you, and even if you roll your eyes at the sentiment from time to time, you know he means it, and you always say it back.

“Harry,” you say, looking down to him and the pleasure is almost overwhelming, so it pains you to make him stop, but you just want to be as close to him as humanly possible. He can devour your cunt afterwards, or later, or something. You’ll fit him into your schedule. “I — Harry, up. Come back up here, please,” and your voice is cracking, so you swallow as you look down at him, and you don’t know why you’re near tears, but you definitely are, can feel them welling in your eyes.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?” He whispers, holding you by your wrists, his thumbs gliding against the skin soothingly. “Why’re you cryin’, sweetheart? Talk t'me, please,” he murmurs, and he sounds so panicked, and it makes you feel bad because how could he ever think he’s done something wrong? This perfect, wonderful, amazing man hovering over you is clearly unaware of how fantastic he truly is. He’s looking at you with concern in his eyes, and you know he wants to comfort you, especially when you feel the warm tears trickling down your cheeks, because it’s Harry, and he won’t leave your side for hours if he ever catches you crying. Which, you don’t mind so much. But you know he needs his answer now, or he’s going to end up thinking he’s done something wrong, or to hurt you, and it’ll all be over, and you refuse to let that happen.

“No, no, no — ’m fine. Perfect, actually, just — I love you, ’s all,” is what you say, and you give him a watery smile, even when your voice gets a bit quieter and doesn’t sound nearly as rushed there at the end, because you know he knows that, especially now. There’s no way he could ever doubt it, you don’t think. He lets out a throaty laugh as he pushes his hair back where it’s fallen against his forehead, his hands dropping down to yours, holding them tightly as he leans down to kiss you for maybe the hundredth time since you first started about an hour ago, even though it feels like it’s been a lifetime. “I love you, too, you silly girl,” he assures, kissing you once again.

“No, Harry — I mean I really love you,” you murmur, breaking the kiss for a second just to say that, because you need him to know that it’s not just something you’re saying, or even being said in the same sense as you’ve always told each other. He’s looking at you with an amused expression and shaking his head, but in the fond way that doesn’t hurt your feelings. “That’s what I’ve always meant, Y/N,” he confesses, and it hits you like a ton of bricks, because it really feels like everything suddenly makes sense and all is right in the world, a love song is playing in the distance (and it’s not just in your head, so you must have missed when he turned that on, too), all the dumb things that are said in books and movies are happening to you, and you want to appreciate the moment for what it is, but you’re also going to scream if he doesn’t fuck you into his mattress soon. There’s time for talking later.

“Please, please, please fuck me. Now. Please,” and you don’t realize you’re begging for him until you’re begging for him, and it has you blushing down to your chest. “Haven’t even gotten m'dick out yet, 'nd you’re already beggin’ f'me? Love me that much?” He teases, because of course he does, but you look up at him with a new sort of determination your eyes.

You’ve got your hand on the bulge of his briefs not a second later, working over him through the fabric, and it makes your legs spread instinctively when you feel the patch of wet where the head of his cock is pressed against the fabric. It’s then that you decide you’ve had enough, and you’re doing your damnedest to try and push his boxers down. You eventually give up and he laughs and stands to tug them the rest of the way down, and it almost sounds animated, the way you gasp when you see him bare, hard, and leaking for you.

It’s not that you didn’t know Harry was a monster — he’s woken up with enough morning wood pressed against your ass and your thigh for you to be more than completely aware of just what you’re getting yourself into (or what’s getting into you, actually). But knowing it’s all for you and because of you that he’s this hard is a lot to take in.

“Y'still wan’ me?” The question catches you off guard, but you nod almost too enthusiastically for it to be anything other than embarrassing. “Tell me,” is the next thing he says, and your eyebrows knit together in obvious confusion, but your features soften as he lays you back against the bed again and offers more information on what he’s wanting from you exactly. “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside your wet cunt,” he says, and it makes you bite your lip to keep from moaning, just because Harry’s filthy, as it turns out, and your thighs are glistening with how wet you are from it all. “Want it so bad, Harry. Want — wanna’ feel you, please, all of you, every goddamn inch of your cock. Wan’ you t'fuck me until I can’t take anymore,” you whisper, and it seems to have done the trick, because the head of his cock catches on your entrance where he’s sliding between your folds, and you can feel him start to press inside of you.

You really think you could blackout when you feel the whole of him settled snugly inside of you, but it’s not until he starts to move that you have dig your nails into his shoulders and drag them down his back as he fucks back into you. “Fuck me,” you moan, your head tossed back and your hips grinding up against his. It feels so good, is the thing — he’s so big, not just his cock, but everywhere, and he’s got you pinned to the mattress as he drives into you somewhat relentlessly, and he’s stretching you so wonderfully, because he’s thick, too, and it hurts in the best kind of way.

“Wanna’ ride you.” The words leave your lips before you’ve given them permission, but Harry’s smirking at you wickedly, so clearly he’s on board with the idea. You know he is when he’s pulled out of you (and you want to die because of that) and he’s got you on top of himself now and is unhooking your bra. “Feel like I owe your tits a personal apology for not paying attention t'them sooner,” he tells you, and you lean down to kiss his stupid mouth, rocking back over his cock. You tease him like that for a long minute, just grinding against him and feeling him against you, before you’ve decided that you quite miss the feeling of him inside of you.

You start to tell him that, but then it hits you that you’ve got the power now, so you take him into your hand after that, lining him up, and you sink down on him slowly, smiling into the kiss you’re giving him, because you can’t even begin to count the number of times you’ve dreamed of this moment exactly. It feels so good to be fucking yourself on Harry’s cock, and you don’t pass up the opportunity to tell him that this time. It makes him groan as he stares up at where you’re properly bouncing on him, and you notice when his eyes drop down to watch where he’s fucking in and out of your pussy, and you swear you feel him twitch inside of you at the sight. “Takin’ me so well,” he praises, and apparently you’ve got a bit of a praise kink, as well, and you throw your head back when you feel him begin to thrust up into you, the head of him nudging against your most sensitive part each time. “Harry, fuck,” you breathe, your fingers curling and nails digging into his chest.

You’re so torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to hear everything he has to say, that you’ve settled for just kissing his neck and his jaw, leaving a lovebite or two in your wake, listening while he tells you how beautiful you are (you were right, he is into that), how good you feel, how you’re going to make him cum, and God — you hadn’t even allowed the reality of that sink in yet. Through all of this, you had completely forgotten that you had a goal, something you wanted to accomplish, because all you’ve wanted is to be as close as possible to him this whole time.

Now, however, you really want to make him cum, and you want it inside you (you’re very much on birth control and if you were to get pregnant, having a baby with Harry wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he wouldn’t be the first former member of One Direction to become a father). “Want you t'cum inside me, yeah? Fill me up,” you tell him, and you feel it when his grip on your hips tightens and he helps you fuck yourself over him faster. “Not until you cum on my cock,” he replies, and you clench around him at that, fucking down harder each time. “Need y'to touch me,” you whisper, grabbing for his wrist and guiding his hand towards your clit, “here.”

Your moans get louder the second he presses the pads of his fingers to your clit, rocking your hips harder, with more determination to get off. “I wanna cum,” you whine, and you want it so bad, now that you’ve remembered that’s part of all of this, that you could cry. You were a bit spoiled when it comes to getting your with Harry, you could say, because his fingers are quick and just right on your little bundle of nerves, rubbing in tight circles and applying just enough pressure. “Know y'wanna cum, baby. Wan’ y'to. Wanna feel y'squeezin’ me,” he murmurs, his teeth grazing over your ear. “Can y'do that f'me, angel? Come for me,” he continues, but his voice is so low and he sounds just as wrecked as you feel, and you can feel his lips brushing your skin as he speaks.

And then you’re pretty fucking sure you did, in fact, die this time.

Everything goes black, your lips parted in a silent scream, but not because you’re not trying, but everything feels too fucking good and you can’t even make a sound, aside from the pathetic sobs you’re letting out into his shoulders. You can feel your cunt pulsing around him, your clit throbbing beneath his fingers, and you’re sure he’s drenched with you, but it evens out because you feel him releasing inside you not even a minute later.

This time you moan his name, grinding yourself on his cock while he empties himself inside of you, fucking him through his orgasm, despite how tired and sensitive you are, praising him and thanking him with each and every movement, milking him for all he’s worth as you listen intently to the string of curses and your name falling from his lips.

You feel him dripping down your thighs the moment you slide off of his cock, but you only move to straddle the lower part of his torso, making a mess of his abs, and you can’t begin to explain how little care about that when you lean down to kiss him. “Thank you,” you whisper, and you don’t know why you say it, but it feels like something that needs to be said, because you are thankful for everything that’s just happened.

“I love you,” is his response, a smile tugging the corners of his lips up, and you can’t help but kiss him again. “For how long?” You question, and you’re about to explain what you mean, because you just want to know how long he’s known he loved you, like this, but he answers you with “probably forever” before you can elaborate, and it makes your heart skip a beat. He’s decided to answer the question in the ‘how long are you going to love me’ sense, you realize.

You blink down at him, like you’re surprised, but he’s just wearing his signature smirk and you feel a bit lightheaded. He seems so sure of everything he’s told you in the last day or so, and it’s so scary, but it makes you wonder how long he’s felt this way and how he figured out that you finally realized that you felt this way, too. Was he sitting on the couch beside you, staring at you instead of paying attention to The Great British Bake Off, too?

“How’d you figure out that I was just cranky ‘cos I realized ‘m in love w’you?” Is the next question you ask, and he shrugs, staring up at you and letting his fingertips drifts over your skin. “Jus’ know you, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “‘Nd I remembered how red y’had gotten when y’mum told y’that we’d end up t’gether, ‘nd then y’started tryin’ t’push me away, ‘nd I knew you’d realized she was right. Plus, I did the same bit t’you when I realized. Remember when I’d hardly talk t’ya’ when I was in Jamaica? Wasn’t just ‘cos I needed t’focus on m’album,” he explains, and you laugh, because everything really does make sense now. 

You’re laying down beside him, curled into his side in what has always been your favorite position when you speak again. “I love you, too,“ you nearly whisper, and you’ve got a smile curling your lips, your hand wrapped around his wrist and your other arm slung over his chest where you’re resting your chin to look up at him. “Probably forever.”

#harry smut #harry styles smut #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #if u like this please tell me i need validation #mw #that's my tag :)

[ourwingsofwarriors]

Just For a Moment -Final-

Characters: Hanji Zoe, Levi Ackermann, Erwin Smith, OC Genre: Romance, Action, Fantasy Pairing: LeviHan, Eruhan Rated: M for MMMMM

Chapter one Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six

Mornings came, I didn’t want to wake. Evenings came, I laid there, silent. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to speak to anyone, I just wanted to be left alone… even just for a moment. There was always a constant knock on my door, the corps expecting me to take on the role of commander. My eye, I was in pain… I couldn’t open it. It throbbed in agonising pain when it did. Now I knew just a little of what Erwin must of felt. My heart longed just to hear his voice again, what I would've done to hear his stupid jokes when we drank tea… what I would've done to just see his eyes again… But he wasn’t coming back.

My body felt numb, even though we had sealed wall Maria, I still felt like it was a huge defeat for us, we lost so many of our comrades and there was no going back, and how many people would continue to join the ranks? With the news of what had happened… the suicide mission led by Erwin, all the new recruits… dead apart from one. How many more people would die for this? For us? Erwin put down his life for Levi to kill the beast titan yet we couldn’t even do that! We lost Reiner through my stupidity, I should've killed him when I had the chance. But I let him get away.

The shock of grief had paralyzed me. Levi had left me be, only to bring food to my door, which would remain untouched. He knew the door wasn’t locked but still, he remained on the other side of the door. I longed for his touch against my skin, but I hated the idea of him feeling pity for me, because of my eye… Erwin… Moblit. My body longed for the same feeling I felt the night me and Levi connected, the night I saw Erwin alive again, from the cart. But nothing was going to bring that back now… I was numb.. Empty. I had nothing left now.

Then I realised, in this fleeting moment of life, Erwin would be doing his duty, if it had been Levi or myself… yet here I was. Unable to move from my bed, unwilling to speak to anyone. I was weak, and I was not anything like Erwin.. How could I be the commander? I held my hand against my heart.

“Why…” I muttered to myself “Why did you leave” I felt myself welling up again, but I stopped myself, how many tears would I shed before I felt okay again? Because I felt like I had cried till the storms were dry. If just for a moment I could've stopped him, told him to stay here.. Maybe it would've been different. But in that moment would of someone else lost their life?

And in this moment the door opened very slightly. Before I saw someone peek in ever so slightly… It was Levi..

“I’m sorry Hanji… I couldn’t bare to wait any longer” his eyes were dark, his skin rough… stubble covered his chin. He had been waiting? For me? “I couldn’t let you rot away in here any longer” he sighed, he walked in and closed the door, before walking towards the bed and sitting by my knees, which I held to my chest. “Hanji… you know he wouldn’t of wanted you to be like this…” He placed his hand ever so gently on my knee. I looked up at him, then pushed my head back into the rough blood stained pillow. “Hanji… say something… please” I know what he was feeling… like this was all his fault.

Then I remembered all those moments, even when we had lost our friends and comrades, under the fire we were brave. We would share memories, hopes and dreams. Even now, there was a need for that in my life, I felt like without that motivation, knowing what we all wanted to fight for.. Erwin wanted so badly to prove his dad's theories right… and see that basement.. But now it was up to me to fulfill his wishes. I remembered those times and a slight smile touched my lips. We would just stupidly drunk and end up on the mess hall floor asleep. One by one we would wake up and have to step over everyone's bodies to get to our own room… I always managed to fly there… but I think I knew.. Who carried me, it had been Erwin. I couldn’t let the loss of Erwin kill me too… not yet. I will see him again in hell. Levi looked down at the floor and in that moment I knew … Levi was feeling this pain too.

Levi would only follow Erwin.. And trusted him with everything. How could I be so selfish when Levi was suffering too… I wanted to slap myself for being so cruel.

“Levi” I said… I took his hand. He looked to me “how are you feeling?” I asked

“I’m okay” He replied “No… don’t lie this time”

“I … hate myself…” he sighed “I could've saved him” He looked to me “I could of right?” “No… None of us could of..” I remembered the moment Levi could've saved him, but chose Armin over him. But arguing that case with Levi would be childish, he wanted Erwin to live too.

“But…” I saw a tear fall from Levis eye. “It’s time for you now…” He wiped the tear away “Hm?” “Commander..” “Don’t.. Call me that…” I sighed “I’m not ready” “But shitty….” He paused he didn’t finished calling me by my nickname… I guess he realised that was the end of it… even four eyes. I was eyeless. “Im sorry” “Stop apologizing!” I shouted “what is saying sorry going to do Levi!” “I can’t… I wasn’t even near you when Bertolt changed, you could of died and I wasn’t there to protect you”” “Moblit died saving me, do you really think I would've let you save me if I knew what would've happened?” I sighed “there is no point in arguing about this… It happened there is no going back” Levi cupped my face, leaning in to kiss my forehead “I am just… I am happy you are still here” “You too…” I muttered as I took his hand and kept it there on my cheek “But look at me” “What about you?” “My eye”

“Doesn’t change how I see you” Levi said again. He pulled me in closer, kissing me. “Erwin would of agreed” he smiled. “We can’t be sad… for his sake, we must keep living…” “I agree…” “And you know… he said… that if anyone was to be with you, that wasn’t him… I would be the only one who he would approve of..” He sighed “I thought you would like to know that”

“Now, lets just you dressed” he smiled.

A went into the washroom and I heard the sound of running water, he came back through, his shirt now off, he nearly placed it at my desk. I looked up at him “tch” he smirked “come on, you stink” He laughed slightly. I got up and followed him through to the washroom. I looked at him as he closed the door, it was steaming up in here, he pulled me close and unbuttoned my shirt, gently taking it off, his fingers felt like feathers brushing against my skin. He unbuttoned my trousers, before they fell to my ankles. Leaving me in just my underwear now. Levi himself undressed, leaving his clothes in a neat pile on the floor meanwhile mine were scattered everywhere. I slipped my bra off, followed by my pants, his boxers also made their way to the floor.

We slipped into the hot bath, the two of us looked at each other. Letting our bodies adjust to the heat of the water. Then Levi turned me around and pressed me against him. “You know last time you weren’t even aware of what I did” He hummed into my ear. He pulled up the soap and started to rub it against me “Weren’t you curious?” His arms pressed me closer to him, my head on his shoulder, my back pressed against his chest.

“Oh god…” I whined “Levi..” I tensed up as his hands cupped and pawed at my breasts. I arched my back, feeling his member pressing against my butt. “Levi..”

One of his hands moved down towards my centre. He bit at my neck, he pushed on me, twirling his finger, making me start to feel heated. His finger slipped inside of me, before pushing another finger in. He started to pick up the pace, I grasped onto the sides of the bath as he made me sweat. “Levi” I moaned out as he kept biting at me, fingering me.. Making me feel like a goddess. My heart was bursting with emotions and it was sending me into overdrive.

I thought of spending my life with this man, and it gave me hope for a future. Levi made me feel so safe in his arms and he knew how to make me feel like I was worth more than just another recruit in the Survey Corps.

I turned around as he broke free from me and I looked at him, the water was low, like Levi had planned this out. I went towards him, straddling him, taking the soap from the side and washed his firm tight abs which I could've never imagined seeing. He looked at me, deep into my eyes.

“Tch..” he smirked again and I kissed him, pulling my hips up to him, before slowly griding him, teasing him, not allowing him to be in complete control. He tried to push me down onto him, however I wouldn’t allow it, I kept teasing and I could see in Levis face he wanted more.

I took his member by the hand and started pumping his member up and down, he tensed up and smirked, he pushed up with my hand, but this wasn’t it, he wanted in, he wanted me completely but I wasn’t going to give it to him easily. “Hanji… I swear” He muttered into my ear, and as I heard his whines I pushed down, his large throbbing member entering me, he let out a gasp and pulled me closer, his mouth all over me.

Our bodies were perfect in unison, our teamwork, our passion for each other, drove our sex to be incredible, like ecstasy he made my core numb and throb. The water created waves with our movement, as I rode Levi completely, making him feel good, making him want me more, I let out a soft moan and he grabbed my breasts, his other hand wrapped around me. His lips on mine, not telling me go. “Fuck” He started to thrust up and harder with me, the water splashing over the sides. My nails dug into his back slightly as I felt myself coming to my end, his tender touch made me go crazy and I felt myself climaxing as Levi released his seed into me, I felt his hotness fill me. He pulled me closed and kissed me deeply. “We should go..” Levi said “everyone was worried…” He pulled me into his arms and I rubbed his chest,

“I guess…” I sighed “For them.. Not me”

Levi lead me in front of everyone in the mess hall, everyone stood up to look at me, 3 days had past and this was the first time I was appearing. In my black jacket, Levi next to me. “Everyone..” Levi said “We have something to say..” He pushed me forward in front of everyone, and stood behind me, he didn’t leave my side.

“Hello everyone..” I stood in front of everyone, where Erwin use to stand, it was now just me and Levi “I am sorry I wasn’t with you all through these hard days… But for once I found myself struggling to find a way to say what I want to. This battle we have just seen, the battle we won.. Wasn’t an easy one. We lost many people, our friends… our comrades. People you may not of even spoken to or known their names. We can not forget them, we can not let their deaths be in vain, not this time.” I looked to Levi “No one's deaths were in vain. We all lost something on this day. I have to thank everyone, thank everyone for their commitment, for their sacrifice. All of you will be honoured.”

I paused for a moment, I looked up and looked at everyone's faces. “And Erwin Smith, we may of lost him, but please… Follow me as your new commander. I will never replace him, I will never be Erwin… but I will try my best to guide you to victory. We have to continue fighting for our dreams, for a future beyond the wall. We will continue the battle...and I promise you I will be by your side”

“And I will be with you… until my final breath” Levi whispered in my ear.

#Levihan #hanji x levi #levi x hange #eruhan #hanji zoe #hange zoe #levi ackerman #Levi #erwin smith #AOT #SNK #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Fanfiction #anime #manga #love #writing #just for a moment

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 2) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

SEB

I'll be happy if I never have to see another fucking Robot Unicorn for the rest of my life...

NICHOLAS

Hey guys! So I am going to send it here so it's easier, but I already LOVE my tribe! Everyone is so sweet and easy to talk to (something that isn't always the case in these games). I am really trying to be super active and friendly and supportive towards people so that they feel like they should keep me around,,,, and i think it's working well since I got added to that fun alliance! I'm working hard for this reward challenge so I can prove my worth to all of these people on my tribe! That's about it for now! xoxoxoxo Nicholas

AMANDA

OK i have found that i hate this unicorn game. Like HATE IT.  I am so over it. everyone seems cool so far. there is some people that i am already kind of nervous  about because they just seem like they are already trying to play games and stuff. IDK but they just have me on edge but oh well. I think i am going to try to become close with them but idk i don't really want to be close with hem bc i don't trust them.

JARED

Honestly I am PISSED I was not put with Daniella or Trysten, and I’m stuck with the damn furry! But this will not bring me down, I am here to WIN and I will do whatever it takes to do that. Right now my goal is to just be social and try my best to talk to everyone, because god knows I do not want to be the first one voted out!

CHRISSA

we won that reward which is cool there's a reason i like that game, I hope we win immunity too so nervous still. I am hoping i am safe if we don't win either though. Voting if we had to, would be so hard.

ELENA

I am so happy that we won reward! I am a little bit confused about what exactly they are able to do at "the summit" but hopefully Dani and Darian will share with us when they get back! So far as tribe relations go, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but I have made a couple of friends it seems in Seb and Darian. I hope to speak with everyone at least once before Immunity challenge is over.

DANI

I WANTED THAT GODDAMN IDOL CLUE! ME! I did! But my freaking Papa Jabari or whatever that dish was called didn't have jack SHIT! Grrrr.... I Didnt even eat that shit it tasted like acc trash! So I'm starving and now I'm stuck on a fucking mountain peak with a furry, someone who plays the victim all the time, a photographer piece of shit who I'm targeting, and a few other assclowns I haven't had the privilege of conversing with. GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

MATT

My lord Seamus got angry over something I called toast. I need to do that more *eyes emoji*

CHRISSA

flag challenges are ugly but I am here for it and the summit twist is cool that's all

JARED

Honestly, I’m mad.  I wanted to go to the summit because I wanted to talk to Daniella… *starts sobbing* I just feel so ALONE! It’s not fair….

TRYSTEN

I'm not going to lie. I feel defeated a little. I just feel like the weakest link, and I'm not going to be surprised if they vote me out.

KENDALL

Okay I just found out newlyf's name, it's Ally. I was right the first time, which is weird because I am usually never right at all. So chances are we are in the Matrix, sorry to shatter your fragile reality :/. Now on to more substantial things: 1. The Reward Challenge Yeah fuck that challenge man. I'm not going to lie, for the first ten minutes it was sort of fun. I like addicting things and the music was pretty good but everything went down hill and it went down hill fast. I still have the bloody song stuck in my head. :( 2. Summit Interesting concept and I like the idea of having an excuse for not being as social. Unfortunately I couldn't jump at the opportunity because that would be stupid. It would put a target on my back if I did, as the possibility of me having an idol would increase. Plus the odds of someone from my group going was very high considering we make up 4/7. And low and behold I was right. Two of the people I trust the most went to the Summit and I got to keep my hands clean. I guess this also means that the idol thing was fake which leads me to say, really guys, really? I stressed out about this.  3. The Immunity Challenge Flag making challenge, I volunteered because nobody else knew how to use photoshop and I am really good at drawing. I'm no Picasso (early Picasso, not late Picasso, I could do that shit) but I think it will work. Not to mention I hate relying on other people because people are gross and that I need to prove myself of some use. If I'm not careful, they'll catch on that I am virtually worthless in most scenarios. Like I wouldn't even be good bait for the wild animals, I taste too much like arsenic.  Anyway that's all folks, I'll be back with more scheming, paranoid ramblings and zombies. Well, maybe not those first two.   

DARIAN

SHIT HIT THE FAN kinda. I got an idol on my first try today. But it wasn't for my tribe... I know..Im sooooo lucky that I find someone else idol. So I was than told that I had 45 min to decide who I was going to give it to. Instantly I had two ideas in my head Keyonjay or Ally. Keyonjay- He clearly is decent in challenges and would be a string partner to attempt to align myself with. He has also agreed that if he finds my idol that he will give it to me. So theres a win win there for me.. maybe Ally- She did really bad in the first challenge and that honestly puts a huge target on her back because she is the easy vote. The team stays strong and no one gets butt hurt. But if she has the idol she can make a move and take out a big player EARLY... Like Keyonjay hahaha. After talking it out with keyonjay and getting his opinions and than a little self reflection I decided to give Keyonjay the idol in hopes that he could be the one to find my idol and maybe even become a strong alliance member!! Ahhhh so stressed!!!!

KEYONJAY

Okay so a couple things. I got the best score on the first challenge out of pure luck. Like just somehow I literally got to like 55k on level two when the previous times i played i couldn't get over 10k on all three levels. Unfortunately we still didn't win which fucking sucks because I didn't wanna go to the goddamn summit at all, but the other tribe chose me because i got the best score apparently. Didn't really wanna be away from my tribe for anything to change with my alliances, and really didn't wanna be put in a position that complicates my game. Ofc immediately that changes because Darian just gave me an idol. like dsfsdsf wtf. I just met the kid. It's really nice though and obviously from my last game I see that you can't abuse people's kindness like that so I'm not gonna use it against him or anything or brag and call him dumb (I'm sorry Mitchy D:) but this definitely complicates things because if I had an idol, I'd rather be the only person that knows about it and now I have to contend with the fact that this idol is basically mine AND Darian's and I have to use it in a way that benefits both of us or risk a pissed off juror. God. DONT GIVE ME IDOLS! I DONT WANT THEM! THEY COMPLICATE THINGS! He wants me to use it on Ally if my tribe loses the first immunity, but hopefully I can protect her and make that not happen regardless, or we can win, which I doubt since it's a flag challenge and I fucking suck at these.

ACE

Alright we got 2nd on the challenge which is decent. And then the next chall is a flag making competition and considering Kendall and Jared know of my abilities hopefully they can leave it up to me. I'm gonna make a wicked gif. Anyways the Summit twist is kinda cool, I got food that gave me an idol clue but it at least told me where NOT to look. I'm probably gonna stick to mountainside since random.org told me to. The Summit is Me and Keyonjay, Matt, Darian, Dani, and Johnny. I already know Dani and Matt, Darian talked with me a bit and they seem alright. They use phone emojis a lot and Im not use to seein those on my computer so its weird a bittttt! Johnny isn't online yet so idk about them just yet. Before I left Jared wanted me to talk to Keyonjay about making an alliance with them. When I heard keyonjay would be at Summit I decided to volunteer myself so I could get the question in. Keyonjay said they were ok with Jared and wanted him to join the alliance with Kendall and Nicholas... uhh no I think we just meant something between us 3 we don't need that big of an alliance even though our tribe is amazing and we'll probably barely lose anybody =') Also Kendall and I sorta already settled Jared as our possible first tribe boot so that'd just make things a bit harder maybe? WHo's even left? Ally and Amanda... that's it rofl also I don't think Ally is Mega anymore lol delete it

JOHNNY

Since joining the game, I’ve found it really difficult to legitimately communicate with people. I can’t help but think a lot of these people are dweebs, who just sit behind the computer all day blogging on tumblr and obsessing over Survivor games online I’m sure, and there’s no way I can compete with no lifes who do nothing but scratch their ballsacks all day. Any who, I do kinda know Dani, who is in the Summit with me right now, and i recognize Jared from a few other games I’ve played, but I’ve yet to approach him yet about the game, but I’m glad I have that in my back pocket. I’ve really gotta start forming some bonds with people, because the conversations I’m having with most of these people are not strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these try hard motherfuckers already have a majority alliance, but all I can do is contribute in challenges and hope for the best since my social game isn’t going to be too strong this early on. I’ve made a bond with Crimson on my team because we have a mutual friend, so hopefully that can take me a long way for now. My plan is to just bond with Matt since he’s the only one from my tribe I can talk to, maybe strike a deal, let him think he can do anything with me in this game, when tbh I’ll probably slit his neck soon enough anyways

tbh I get the very scary feeling that a lot of people know each other in this game, and I honestly don’t have anyone in this game that I can truly rely on like some do, and I’m never going to know who is friends with who. Now I know what it feels like to kinda be a newb in the games I play when I just target the people I don’t know… Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine here

DANI

Darian is getting on my nerves so badly. Like ugh, shut up for like two seconds nobody cares if you're a photographer. 

So Darian's dumbass comes up to me saying Carson/Julia have an idol in the game. Do I believe him? Yeah. Do I not wanna believe him? Yeah... But that's just how the game works. Oh how I wish I had that idol... *licks lips* Oh the things I would do to it... Grrr....

CARSON

Ok so I'm pretty sure Darian just exposed that he has the idol by trying to give me a fake clue. On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > I got a clue to an idol On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > It wasn't much but it's something On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > omg On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Don't search the Forrest On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Or the mountainside On 1/4/17, at 7:27 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > I guess that can be kind of helpful lol So apparently you get clues to the idol at the Summit. Hell, there could even be an idol at the Summit. But regardless he got a clue... but he should have quoted it if it was real. Plus I went to the mountainside already and got THIS: On 1/3/17, at 9:24 PM, carson (tibet host) wrote: > You come to the spot where an idol looks to have been hidden, but there's nothing here! https://media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif He told me not to go to the mountainside because he already went there and got it and he didn't want me to find out its gone! And I guess its safe to say he's working with Dani now, who I also wanted to work with. I would go to her about it, but idk if she'd leak to Darian that I'm onto him. Right now, I'm just going to lay low with this until I need to use it. It sounds to me like Dani, Seb and Elena already know each other, and if Darian goes with them, they'll have majority. I wanted to work with Julia (and by extension Chrissa), but idk if it'll work out. Once again, I don't want to pry at all because no one really has a target yet. There isn't an easy first boot, so one slip up could cost me the game. OK THE PLOT JUST THICKENED Apparently, the Namtso idol is gone... which means all the tribes are searching the same area. So maybe Darian doesn't have it... but he could be protecting someone that does. I mean he's probably in cahoots with the ppl at the summit, And we can find the other tribe's idols. I'm so fucking shook.

JULIA RAE

ok so right now i dont know what im doing bc i dont really play survivor ,,, but i think im doing alright. i talked to everyone and i rly like carson and darian but that just my opinion! also darian told me that he'd be willing to get rid of seb if it came down to it ,,,, which is ok with me idk that dude and he kinda weird ngl! hopefully we win immunity bc if we dont idk what to do!! hehe love survivor!!

TRYSTEN

Holy Shit! I fucking did not expect us to get first, but thank yoouuu Johnny! *blows a kiss to the camera* moi!

CHRISSA

I am so glad we are not going to tribal, fuck the people who said those things lol just kidding it's their opinion honestly we just don't know who will judge and what they will like. it sucks.

DANI

I feel good I feel nice I've never felt so Satisfied I'm in love I'm alive Intoxicated Flying high It feels like a dream When you touch me tenderly I don't know if it's real But I like the way I feel Inside

DARIAN

Yasss we won immunity! No tribal! Which is great because no one really is on the outs rn so no one can really be an easy vote and that's scary! But I don't have to worry about that so yay!

KEYONJAY

So we lost the first immunity challenge and this really sucks, but luckily I'm in the majority alliance and then we kinda have Jared as an extra number even though he's not really IN the alliance or the alliance chat. I still have my idol that nobody knows about so I could make some kind of move if I wanted. Darian wanted me to use it to "take out a power-player" but I'm like, not gonna do that. It's WAY too early to make a big move like that and it would be completely illogical and senseless. It's better to just go with the numbers right now and not rock the boat. Plus I don't really see anyone on our tribe as a power-player necessarily. Kendall is definitely the leader of our alliance but I wanted it that way so I can continue flying UTR and focus on my social game. Now to see who will be the first to go from our tribe. :( Sucks because I really like everybody.

MATT

Well damn. Johnny is actually the MVP for this one. We can literally just relax and pretend like we give a shit about who's leaving only because it's none of us lmao.

ACE

I'm sad we lost, I like everybody on this tribe. I don't feel like bringing Jared down just yet, I brought up that Ally had the lowest score on the Reward challenge so we could possibly just go with her. Everyone in the Mofos alliance said they wanna keep me and Kendall for doing good work in the challenge but we'll see about that. I think I'm good with mostly everybody except for Amanda and Ally. I just spoke to Amanda and she said she'll vote Ally bc they haven't spoken at allll. Amanda doesn't seem to be in any alliance whatsoever. Kendall is a strong leader in the Mofos and I like that she's more leading than I am even tho I'm the one who suggested Ally. Hopefully that'll keep the target more on her than me later on in the game. Kendall just told me Keyonjay gave her an idol clue and it's the same one I got. So that didn't help any. I guess I gotta continue filling up that mountainside grid.

ELENA

I am so happy that we aren't going to Tribal Council because I really like everyone on our tribe right now! It will be sad if we lose any time soon because they are all just very nice and interesting people. I am so greatful for Carson for doing the most of the work on the flag, I do wish he had somehow incorporated the Yaks since I did the research on Tibet, it felt like my idea was ignored a little bit. But what matters the most is that it was a very good outcome! I can't wait for the next challenge!!

KENDALL

Welp, I might have fucked myself. Why did I volunteer? Why did I think that combining two mediums is a good idea? Dear lord, what have I done? Well anyway, here's a quick recap: Ace and Keyonjay went to the summit and when they came back Keyonjay told me he had an idol clue. He gave it to me because he really didn't want an idol, apparently they are more trouble than there worth. Ace didn't tell me anything about the summit and only talked about making the flag. She only brought it up when I revealed my idol clue. This proves to me that my loyalties should lie more with Keyonjay than Ace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway after we lost the challenge I typed in the alliance chat "well at least we know it's either me or Ace". I meant it as a joke but they freaked out and thought I was pulling a Zane. I managed to clear up the misconception but I am still not sure if they still doubt me. In order to repair some sort of relationship with her, I showed Ace the idol clue which was the same clue she got. And now I'm nervous maybe she will show receipts of the conversation to Keyonjay and shift the target on to me. It wouldn't be too difficult, I'm a bit of an unusual person to talk to and I mostly hogged the challenge that we failed. Though chances are I'm being irrational so I'm not going to risk it. If I do start panicking and try to get my alliance mates out, I'll end up putting the target on my back that I've been trying to avoid. God I hate feeling fear, it's very gross. Well, all feelings are gross... it's just this one is inconveniencing me the most currently.

#wostibet #confessionals