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imonthinice · 3 years

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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy.

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’ competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

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For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

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Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

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potteresque-ire · 3 years

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Chinese Central Television (CCTV) Reporting on Homosexuality: 2005-2017

CCTV is the state-controlled broadcaster of China, and its reporting on sociopolitical issues is often seen as reflecting the stance of the regime. I found this link (in Chinese) that marks the major milestones in how the station has chosen to report Chinese LGBT+ issues between 2005 and 2017. As this was published on the Chinese equivalent of Quora, I cannot vouch for its completeness, but the items on it do match existing news reports (which I’ll link below) and I believe this timeline may also be of interest to some.

I’ve jotted down some key points under the cut. As usual, this is an ongoing lesson for me as well, and so, please feel free to jump in, add more things and point out mistakes!

(TL;DR: Things looked upward until 2013. Then, in 2017, things took a rapid turn downhill...)

BACKGROUND — Prior to 2005 : * 1997: China de-criminalized homosexuality, which used to fall under the umbrella of “hooliganism”. * 2001: China removed homosexuality from the list of mental disorders in Chinese Classification and Diagnostic Criteria of Mental Disorders (Chinese equivalent of DSM). However, homosexuals are still judged to be requiring psychiatric help. 2005: For the first time, CCTV investigated the lives of gays in China -- in the context of a budding AIDS crisis. This was the first time this up-to-10 million strong minority group found itself in the spotlight. I found a link (with English subtitles!) here of one of the shows, <<新聞調查·以生命的名義>>. The host was Chai Jing (柴靜), a well-known investigative reporter who would, in 2015, make an independent documentary about China’s pollution problem, Under the Dome, that would subsequently get banned.

youtube

Some things to notice in this investigative report: 1) The high % of gay men who got married (90%). 2) How the show thoroughly omitted Communist China’s role in demonising homosexuality. 3) This memorable quote by the first AIDS-prevention specialist in China, Professor Zhang Beichuan (張北川), after being asked why Chinese society still viewed homosexuality as “abnormal”:

因為他們（違？）背了一種很落後的認識。這種落後的認識就是說，性應該服從於生育。把無知當作純潔。把愚昧當作德行。把偏見當作原則。

“Because they have this very backward belief, that sex is to serve reproduction. People take ignorance as innocence, foolish as purity, and prejudice as principle.”

4. Chongqing, being the test spot for the AIDS prevention program.

The tone of these shows towards homosexuality was positive.

2009:

On 11/29/2009, CCTV news reported that the city government of Dali, Yunan offered 120,000 RMB (~15,000 USD at today’s exchange rate) in funding to open a gay bar. The bar was to offer sex education and free condoms, and be staffed with volunteers from a local NGO that worked to prevent AIDS. The host called for attention towards the prejudice and unfair treatment of gays.

(The bar failed to open on its official opening date, December 1st -- World AIDS Day. The day after the newscast, the doctor who founded the bar, Zhang Jianbo, was taken away by officials. His hospital was inundated by calls. The rest of the volunteers were asked to leave the bar, and to never disclose the address of the bar again. They were reportedly assumed gay and harassed. The next day, Dr Zhang was quoted that the bar had stayed empty as potential customers refused to show up due to media scrunity. The bar finally opened on 12/20/2009).

2011: On 06/29/2011, after New York State legalised gay marriage, the actress Lv Liping (呂麗萍), a born-again Christian (note: China’s Christianity is state-controlled), caused a controversy on Weibo by quoting a New York pastor and calling homosexuality “a shame” and “a sin”.

The surprise came when a well-respected news magazine on CCTV, 24 hours, defended LGBT+ groups openly and in no-uncertain terms, demanding the actress to self-reflect and asking for an end to the prejudice. Here’s the quote from the host, Xiu Qiming (邱啟明):

“我想，作为一个社会名人，有影响力的名人，自己应该反思或者反省一下。我们尊重名人本人的信仰，甚至我们也允许他们对事物有自己独特的看法，但是，这并不等于去认同一个具有社会影响力的公众人物可以如此公开地对一个在中国社会还有些特殊的群体去表达你的歧视。不用回避，在我们身边有一部分人的取向和大多数人是不同的，但是，他们也在为这个社会辛勤地付出着。同性恋者和我们一样，都拥有在这个社会当中生存和发展的权利，并且这样的权利不应该受到哪怕是观念上的侵犯。我们想对同性恋人群说一声，套用一句我们非常熟悉的话，‘我可以不认同你生活的方式，但我愿意捍卫你不同于我的生活的权利。’”

“I believe, as a famous, influential person (referring to Lv), one should contemplate or self-reflect for a moment. We respect the religious beliefs of famous people, we even allow them to have unique views on matters. However, that doesn’t mean we agree with an influential public figure so publicly expressing their discrimination against a group that has remained somewhat special in Chinese society. There’s no need to avoid this topic -- there exist some people around us whose orientation differs from most people. But they’re also diligently contributing to this society. Homosexuals are like us; they have the same rights to live and thrive in this society. They also have the right to not be assaulted, even if it’s just by opinions. We’d like to say to homosexuals this phrase we know so well, “I may not agree with the way you live, but I’m willing to defend your right to live a different life from mine.”

This one-minute clip was considered highly significant for LGBT+ rights in China.

2013: On 05/17/2013, CCTV news posted on its official Weibo about the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. It ends with “放下偏見和敵意，你我做得到!" （”Put down your prejudice and animosity, you and I can do it!”)

2017:

[Not CCTV related, but worth mentioning. On 05/26/2017, two days after Taiwan legalized same-sex marriage, Chinese authorities shut down the lesbian social media platform, Rela.]

On 06/24/2017, a lesbian musician from Hong Kong, Ellen Loo (盧凱彤), thanked her partner in a Taiwan awards show. Her segment was blacked out in China’s broadcast.

On 06/30/2017, also the day German parliament legalized same-sex marriage, the censorship board updated its 2012 guidances for web-based audio-visual programmes and caused an uproar in the LGBT+ community:

“而《通则》中明确，网络视听节目中含有下列内容或情节的，应予以剪截、删除后播出；问题严重的，整个节目不得播出，具体包括：... — 渲染淫秽色情和庸俗低级趣味的，包括具体展现卖淫、嫖娼、淫乱、强奸、自慰等情节；表现和展示非正常的性关系、性行为，如乱伦、同性恋、性变态、性侵犯、性虐待及性暴力等；展示和宣扬不健康的婚恋观和婚恋状态，如婚外恋、一夜情、性自由、换妻等“

“And the guidances state clearly, that the following content or plotline in any web-based audio-visual programmes should be edited or deleted before broadcasting; those with serious issues, the whole programme will not be allowed to broadcast. They include: ...

— Advocation of pornography or cheap humour; including specific displays of prostitution, promiscuity, rape, masturbation; displays of abnormal sexual relationships and behaviour, including incest, homosexuality, sexual perversion, sexual harassment, sexual abuse and violence; displays and preaching of unhealthy views and conditions regarding marriage, such as extramarital affairs, one night stand, sexual freedom, wife swaps etc.”

LGBT+ rights advocates, unhappy with queer relationships denoted as “abnormal”, demanded an explanation from the censorship board. The request was denied.

On 07/24/2017, Professor Li Yinhe (李銀河), sociologist, partner of a transgender man and an outspoken advocate for LGBT+, was silenced (禁言； the same term as the “magic” LWJ used on WWX to silence him) for 3 months.

[Bonus: Here’s a photo reportedly taken in Chongqing on 07/01/2017, the day after the new censorship regulations were introduced (source):]]

#pie metas #bjyx #yizhan #pie learns c-poli

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tigerkirby215 · 3 years

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Building Hank before Consternation (Madness Combat build errata)

(Artwork by OctoCryptik on Newgrounds.)

My initial build for Hank, while effective at capturing all of Hank’s abilities (and a good build in its own right imo) is... quite messy, admittedly. There’s a very big shift in Hank’s abilities after his death in Madness 7 and revival in Madness 9 and while I tried to capture the pre-revival Hank as much as possible in my build there’s no way to take the Armorer subclass without immediately buying into the flavor.

Truthfully if I were to play Hank in a campaign with as much accuracy and representation as possible I’d consider Madness 7 Hank and Madness 9 Hank as two different characters (same name different build) with the revival machine essentially being a way to bring back an old character after their death and swap their build. (Hell you could even play Deimos until reviving Hank.)

I think that if you want to play a post-Madness 9 Hank then the original build I made is quite good but to play a pre-Madness 7 Hank I’d give him wildly different abilities. So here’s another build that won’t be made as detailed as my usual ones but will still give a level by level analysis of how to build Hank... again!

GOALS

I still basically want a build that can use all weapons and is really good at using them. I also still want some stealth abilities.

RACE

Still a Variant Human, with +1 in DEX and CON. Take whatever language you want and the Medicine skill to patch yourself up.

For your feat talk to your DM about getting a Repeating Hand Crossbow or otherwise being able to ignore the loading property on a Hand Crossbow. If they’re willing to give you a handgun (or let you ignore the Loading property via the Gunner feat) grab the Gunner feat for obvious reasons. However if they’re not willing to let you use a Hand Crossbow without having to reload it I’d suggest the Sharpshooter feat instead.

Why aren’t we taking Crossbow Expert? Well you won’t be able to use the Bonus Action much for reasons that will be illustrated in the build. Other than that you don’t need the ability to shoot in melee range (you’ll have weapons and your fists) which means the only ability of value you’d get from Crossbow Expert is the ability to ignore the Loading property, which isn’t worth losing a potential ASI. Better to grab Sharpshooter early and use something other than a Hand Crossbow.

ABILITY SCORES

Hello Standard Array my old friend! Since this build isn’t nearly as MAD (ironic) you can afford to go for Standard Array! But of course feel free to roll for stats if you so desire or use point buy.

15; DEXTERITY - You’re still going to be focusing on guns, and you’ll be able to use your DEX for a lot more weapons in this build.

14; WISDOM - Still used for Perception and Survival, and is far more useful for this build than the other one.

13; CONSTITUTION - It’s good to not die and you don’t need the other stats as much.

12; STRENGTH - In case you grab a Strength weapon you aren’t proficient in.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Strength felt more important than Intelligence.

8; CHARISMA - You’re still a psychopathic mass-murderer.

BACKGROUND

Same background as last time: Criminal with Intimidation, Slight of Hand, and Land Vehicle proficiency.

Apparently if you don’t have Thieves’ Tools proficiency (from Artificer lol) you get it from the Criminal background? That works really well for us too.

(Artwork by DonCroco on Newgrounds.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Starting off as a Monk so you can actually throw a punch and dodge attacks while actually unarmored. Take proficiency with Acrobatics and Stealth (why the hell do Monks get Stealth proficiency?) and Smith’s Tools, under the context that they’re gunsmith tools.

The fun thing about Monk is that simple weapons honestly cover most of Hank's weapons (club, quarterstaff, hand axe, etc) so you can use most of them with DEX thanks to Martial Arts.

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get second level Monks stuff. Told you this build would be a lot more basic than usual. Dedicated Weapon from Tasha’s will let you add more weapons to your repertoire, along with your subclass.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

Go Kensei because that’s the weapon Monk. Take either tool that you want (doesn’t really matter), a Battleaxe (reflavored as the stop sign Hank used to kill Tricky in Madness Combat 3), and either a Hand Crossbow (reflavored Pistol) or an actual pistol if your DM allows it.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an ASI: increase your DEX by 2 as that's your main stat.

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack. Also Stunning Strike and stuff, but we’re here for Extra Attack. Remember that you can’t attack twice with a Hand Crossbow without Crossbow Expert, because it’s a crossbow.

LEVEL 6 - MONK 6

6th level Monks get Ki-Empowered Strikes and One with the Blade to bypass Magic Resistance mainly. Deft Strikes also lets you aim for the head.

You can also get another Kensei weapon: grab the Longbow (finally) which will be reflavored as all your rifles... unless you can actually grab a gun.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 1

Hope you didn’t think this would be straight Monk. Grab Perception proficiency from multiclassing and Acrobatics Expertise from Deft Explorer, along with two languages. Also grab Favored Foe to aim for the head, because Favored Enemy is meh (can’t choose more than two types of humanoids which is basically all you fight) and you can actually afford to concentrate on Favored Foe... Even if the damage is bad.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get their Fighting Style: yeah go for Archery because that fits the best. Dueling also works if you opt to play with gun and sword (or more realistically gun and knife.)

You also get Spellcasting: yeah take Hunter’s Mark lol Favored Foe is bad. Other than that? I dunno take Cure Wounds to bandage yourself up in a pinch?

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers get to choose their archetype and it’s me ya boii Gloom Stalker. Same stuff as last time: be better at hiding, get darkvision, get ambushing powers, get Disguise Self as an innate spell.

Also go for Primal Awareness because Primeval Awareness is still bad and Speak with Animals is genuinely more useful. You also get another spell: take like Jump idk all I really want is Hunter’s Mark.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get another Ability Score Improvement: time to cap that Dexterity!

LEVEL 11 - MONK 7

So like, every level after this is Monk lol. 7th level Monks can dodge rockets with Evasion.

LEVEL 12 - MONK 8

More ASIs: go for Wisdom now because your Dexterity is maxed out, and Wisdom boosts your skills as well as your AC.

LEVEL 13 - MONK 9

Use the improbability drive to walk on walls and water!

LEVEL 14 - MONK 10

Become immune to disease! Probably a bit late for that but still cool!

LEVEL 15 - MONK 11

You can use Sharpen the Blade to turn your weapon into a +1, +2 or +3 weapon by spending Ki now which is pretty nuts. You can also pick another Kensei Weapon like a Longsword (as seen in Madness Combat 5.)

LEVEL 16 - MONK 12

Wisdom.

LEVEL 17 - MONK 13

Lol like you’re going to be the one talking with your 8 in Charisma.

LEVEL 18 - MONK 14

Here’s the big one: enjoy proficiency in all Saving Throws!

LEVEL 19 - MONK 15

You can’t age, much like Newgrounds. Everything there is fresh to this day, just waiting to be revived.

LEVEL 20 - MONK 16

Just cap your Wisdom as your capstone.

You’re probably wondering why I didn’t take Tavern Brawler: the only improvised weapons Hank really uses are a metal pipe (Madness 4, 6, and 7) and a dude’s head once in Madness Combat 6. Truthfully I’d consider a pipe a glorified Quarterstaff and you’re not going to be ripping people’s heads off in D&D combat. Yes one could argue that the stop sign is technically an Improvised Weapon but both you and Tricky have used it so much it’s essentially become a proper martial weapon for both of you.

Ultimately improvised weapons come up so rarely in 5e combat it’s not worth taking a feat for it. We took it in the original build mainly to get Unarmed strike damage, and being able to beat a man with another man’s head was an added bonus.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

This build is far more focused than the original one, with far fewer dud levels. It lets you become a slaughterhouse fast and is honestly far more proficient with weapons than the original build. You also get 20 AC and +10 to initiative thanks to Gloomstalker, which is cool.

CONS

You don’t get god tier stats like with Artificer, but Artificer kinda cheats tbf. You also don’t have as much spellcasting, and while Hunter’s Mark will carry you far you won’t be able to use it all the time. By far the biggest problem is the limited resources of this build however: limited Ki, limited ammo for your ranged weapons (assuming you don’t get a Repeating Weapon), and notably you can only attack once with a Hand Crossbow if you choose to use one. This build would be really good with an Artificer ally to give you a Repeating Hand Crossbow, or a cool DM who lets you ignore the Loading property for the sake of aesthetic. But I mean you can also use a boomerang or darts or something tbh.

So thank you for joining me for this simultaneously detailed and simplified errata. I hope you can navigate the Monk class without me detailing everything to you!

(Artwork by Neentandoo on Newgrounds.)

#dnd #dnd 5e #dnd build #dnd guide #errata #Madness Combat #Madness Combat Hank #madness hank #Hank J. Wimbleton #dnd monk #dnd ranger #Newgrounds #tiky

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sirspud · 3 years

Text

A continuation from this. Again, long one, click the read more thing.

Also, if you want to read these guys going through an adventure, see this post.

Louie, the Charmer

Age: 17; Height and Weight: 5' 8", 160 lbs.

Race: Duck; Class and Level: Rogue 1 (0 xp)

Str 10, Dex 14, Con 9, Int 15, Wis 9, Cha 16

Alignment: Neutral Good; Deity: None.

So, Louie's a rogue. Obviously. Of all the McDuck kids, Louie's class is the easiest to figure out. A smooth-talker and quick-thinker, Louie does his best to stray away from the more combat-oriented side of things, instead focusing on building his array of skills to get the party where they need to be.

Louie learned how to be sneaky during one of the family's poorer times in life, forced to steal food from the lovely baker down the road because Donald couldn't afford food. With a vast array of skills under his belt, Louie can wriggle his way out of anything, with the possible exception of a gelatinous cube.

He's also not bad with a bow. He picked up a few skills from one of those travelling rangers around the countryside, though he has no intention of killing anything with it. He just thinks that being able to compete in archery competitions will earn a neat sum of gold.

Class Features: As a rogue, Louie gets two significant features. Sneak attack lets him deal extra damage to unaware, unsteady or flanked foes, since he can pinpoint their weak points while they're distracted. He also gains trapfinding, which grants him a bonus on checks to find and disable traps, and it allows him to disable normally invincible magic traps.

Feats and Skills: Louie is a conniver, a con-man, and so naturally his 1st-level feat is Deceitful, which gives him +2 on Bluff and Disguise checks. With his bonus feat, granted by his race, he chooses Dodge to let him avoid attacks just that bit more easily.

Now, rogues get a frankly ridiculous number of skill ranks. He gets 8 ranks from his class alone, plus 2 from high Intelligence, plus 1 from his race, plus 1 more from his favoured class bonus. And while I could list each individual skill and the rationale behind it, I'd rather just give you a list:

Appraise +6, Bluff +9, Diplomacy +7. Disable Device +7, Disguise +9, Intimidate +7, Knowledge (dungeoneering, local) +7, Perception +3, Sense Motive +3, Sleight of Hand +6, Stealth +6.

(phew)

Equipment: Louie's weapon includes a dagger (pretty sure that comes standard when you pick the rogue class), a club, and a shortbow with 20 arrows. He wears a suit of leather armour, giving him AC 15, upon the belt of which is a bag of caltrops. In his backpack is a bell, a crowbar, a set of thieves tools, merchant's scales, and a days' worth of rations. He has 38 gold and 3 silver coins.

He also has a flask of alchemist's fire.

Nobody knows he has it.

Webby, the Warrior

Age: 17; Height and Weight: 5' 10", 175 lbs.

Race: Duck; Class and Level: Barbarian 1 (0 xp)

Str 16, Dex 14, Con 13, Int 13, Wis 11, Cha 8

Alignment: Chaotic Good; Deity: None.

This is another choice that might turn a few heads. Surely Webby would be better as a monk, I hear you ask? And yes, she would, but again, Pathfinder. In Pathfinder, monks have to be Lawful. And there is nothing Lawful about Webby.

Her granny, however, is. A retired monk, Ms Beakley has her hands full trying to raise Webby as an orphan. Getting her to exhaust her seemingly limitless energy in helping the local woodcutters can't do much more than temporarily put a damper on it. So when an opportunity arises to give her a taste of adventure and maybe give her something productive to do, she jumps on it - but not without proper cautioning.

Webby's "rage" in this context is more of her taking control of her natural excitability and channelling it into raw determined might. Her endless enthusiasm still gets her into trouble in times, and she is particularly disliked by the local hedge wizard, who treats her like a nuisance.

Class Features: Webby's level in barbarian grants her the rage ability - for up to 5 rounds each day, Webby can fly into a frenzy, increasing her Strength and Constitution at the cost of reduced defence. She also has fast movement, increasing her base speed to 40 feet.

Feats and Skills: Webby's 1st-level feat is Power Attack, which allows her to make deadly, but inaccurate melee attacks. Her bonus feat from her duck ancestry is Skill Focus, granting her a +3 bonus to Acrobatics, like Dewey.

Webby has 6 skill ranks to play with - 4 from her class, 1 from Intelligence and 1 from her race. She puts ranks into Acrobatics and Climb, being a manoeuvrable opponent in battle. She has ranks in Intimidate, though her intimidation attempts are often accidental. She also has rudimentary knowledge in myth and history, reflected by ranks in Knowledge. Finally, she puts a skill rank into Perception, giving her the following array of skills:

Acrobatics +9, Climb +7. Intimidate +3, Knowledge (history, religion) +2, Perception +4.

Equipment: Webby's main (and only) weapon is a gigantic greatsword, wielded in both hands to destructive effect. She wears hide armour, giving her AC 16. Within her backpack is a bedroll, a torch, a days' worth of food, a flask of acid (even she's not sure where she got it from) and, most notably of all, a grappling hook. She has 26 gold, 3 silver and 9 copper coins.

#ducktales 2017 #dnd #d&d #pathfinder #webby #webby vanderquack #louie #louie duck #barbarian #rogue #donald #donald duck #mrs beakley #bentina beakley #ducktales

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cocoartistwrites · 3 years

Text

First Lines Meme

I was tagged by @livlepretre

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!)

See if there are any patterns.

Choose your favourite opening lines. Then tag 10 authors!

Original:

1 Fudge Theory

It’s the best paper she’s marked all term, with a fluent argument, comprehensive research, and forceful writing.

2 unnamed Fudge sequel (wip)

Nathaniel Harrington Cole III walks into her office with a smirk.

I really like this one.

3 The Beeches (wip that should already be a novel by now but instead i’m writing fanfics fml) This is my favourite.

The weather was beautiful and London was boring and Ada was going home.

4 The Merry Widow (original - if you can call it that, it's essentially Heyer fanfic - regency romance WIP)

“What a ramshackle arrangement,” my lord muttered to his lawyer as he scanned the letter.

5 untitled idea I vaguely started while on a walk last week

The only entrance to her house is up a spiral staircase on the outside of the building, five storeys high.

6 rapunzel dark academia retelling i haven't worked on for a year

The tower room is dark at the best of times.

fanfic:

7 aberration

Albus Dumbledore is unsettled.

8 unsphere the stars <3 <3 <3

Hermione Granger vanished from the sitting room of The Burrow during her twentieth birthday party leaving a pile of crumpled blue tissue paper and a note where her feet had been a fraction of a second before.

9 untitled eighth year dramione wip i will likely never publish or write unelss you bully me, which you will now i've put it into the world

It starts on the Hogwarts Express.

these next ones date from the period when i think i started working out how to write:

10 How the Mighty Fall

Had they stayed, all but poor Neville Longbottom, they would have seen a body hurled out of the Veil.

this one is doing the most!! well done to this one.

11 Crookscrux

Tom glared at Crookshanks. Crookshanks glared back.

i cheated here and put two but it’s worth it

12 Big Head Boy

Percy is the third person in his embarrassingly enormous, embarrassingly left-wing family to go to Oxford.

13 catastropic

Sirius pushed past some chinless moron on his way upstairs.

14 fait accompli

Hermione loved Harry and Ron.

the worst one out of context tbh

15 Daddy Issues

Harry Potter's engagement party wasn't quite the glamorous affair the papers had been predicting - not that they were invited to witness it.

16 Salvaged

Exams were over, and Hermione Granger had pinned her Head Girl badge to her robes for the last time.

17 Forever Means Forever

Soul bonded. She glared across the scuffed table at him.

18 Poised

The old man - the Dumbledore - stood and welcomed them to the enormous, hideous, freezing castle.

20 The Wanderer

They'd found him by the lake in the aftermath of a terrible battle, they tell him, and despite their strange inflections he understands their language perfectly.

ok some teenage ones as a bonus now y i k e s but good 2 compare

Draco's Nasty Surprise

Several months in the sun can bring a dulling of sense and logic, and it was perhaps for that reason that Draco Malfoy didn't owl ahead to the Manor to announce his arrival.

[[I hate this one it's so overwritten you can tell it is a work from my Youth]]

Sleeping with the Enemy

Draco Malfoy eyed Weasley from across the Great Hall, idly wondering if the freckled moron could be more blatant in his drooling over Granger.

[[this is also JUVENILIA]]

Cor Leonis

Hermione wondered what Ron was talking about across the table.

Kairos

He watched her as she sat with her little friends, delicately eating her cheesecake.

dying that three of my teenage stories start with people sitting and looking at other people at tables

I think the main pattern I can see is that I usually launch you straight in while also setting a bit of a Mood? Any thoughts??

I tag: @colubrina @provocative-envy @olivieblake @justcourbeau @gueneviere-fics @kiwiambrosia @fairfortune @sallyjavery @batmansymbol @frak-all but don’t feel you have to if you are not in the mood to consider The Body of Works

#about me #tag game #writing games #writing tag #my writing

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waveridden · 3 years

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ok here we go. here is my list of top 20 taylor swift songs

20. our song (self-titled) - honestly what a classic i heard this song when i was nine years old and it became a part of my dna

19. the lakes (folklore) - i want to watch the wisteria grow over my bare feet cause i haven’t moved in years................

18. marjorie (evermore) - made me cry the first time i heard it and i love the refrain of “what die didn’t stay dead” as being both horribly sad and hugely uplifting

17. lover (lover) - one of my favorite videos on the internet is country singer keith urban doing an impromptu cover of this at a state fair because he loved it so much and that kind of speaks to what i think is so amazing about this song? it’s just like. it’s about loving someone and wanting a life with them forever. love that

16. last kiss (speak now) - so iiiiii watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep and iiiiiii feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe... like legitimately this is ranked so high just because i love the bridge

15. long live (speak now) - makes me want to fight a dragon or go to a walmart at 1am, either way wearing a giant flannel and surrounded by friends. that’s the mood

14. gold rush (evermore) - i just love the production on the song. it’s so glittery and strange and good. i love it so much that i will forgive the frankly very bad line “your hair falling into place like dominos”

13. cornelia street (lover) - falls into one of my favorite genres of love song, which is “everything is so precarious but that doesn’t mean it’s not good right now” and i think so often about “hope i never lose you hope it never ends”

12. the 1 (folklore) - but we were something don’t you think so... just like a really good song and ALSO the best possible opening track for this album? i’m not considering most of these in the context of The Albums They’re On but i distinctly remember hitting play on folklore and being like. oh!! oh this is the vibe? this is the vibe!! and that’s impressive

11. no body, no crime (evermore) - if i’ve said it once i’ve said it a thousand times. i will do a blood sacrifice for a country taylor album in 2022

10. cardigan (folklore) - the production is so good the bridge is so good the last chorus is so good it’s just like. a great fucking song dude

9. blank space (1989) - genuinely just like a good fucking song. campy and fun and so slick and good to listen to

8. out of the woods (1989) - the production is GORGEOUS i love the drums? like when i think of this song i think of drums and also “when the sun came up i was looking at you / you were looking at me”

7. the archer (lover) - ALL THE KING’S HORSES ALL THE KING’S MEN COULDN’T PUT ME TOGETHER AGAIN CAUSE ALL OF MY ENEMIES STARTED OUT FRIENDS HELP ME HOLD ONTO YOU

6. new year’s day (reputation) - first of all i love the imagery here? the idea of like. i want your midnights but i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year’s day. is just so simple and sweet and good. and second of all i think so often about the line “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere” like. oof. thank you

5. new romantics (1989) - you know those songs that make you want to have a teen movie montage where you’re jumping on your bed singing into a hairbrush? that’s what this song is for me

4. state of grace (red) - these are the hands of fate... you’re my achilles heel... this is the golden age of something good and right and real... (another one that is a VERY GOOD opening track)

3. delicate (reputation) - this song went from one i did not care about at all to one i just ADORE like the vocal effects are good i like the chorus a lot and i kinda just like. relate. yknow?

2. clean (1989) - a really good closing track (not counting bonus tracks) like the simple idea of renewal... of finally feeling like yourself again... just really nice

1. cruel summer (lover) - pop anthem, PERIOD. for whatever it’s worth i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard..............

(also last bonus fact: this list has songs from every taylor swift album except for fearless, her second album. but my favorite song off of fearless is you’re not sorry)

#waveridden.txt #tswift tag #this was a fun thing to do instead of. you know. the ask prompts i haven't done yet #also everything you need to know about me is that this list has 4 songs from 1989 and 4 songs from lover. that's MY vibe

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quillyfied · 5 years

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Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 2

Part 2 is here!

99 titles this time because I have no self-control, once again separated into different categories: Jaunts through History/Canon, South Downs, Post-Apocalypse, Bus Ride/Night Before/Heaven and Hell, AU/UA, Soft, Before (a new category exclusive to this list, about Heaven before and during the War), Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings, Bonus, and H/C /Whump/BAMF. Warnings for gore and explicit material present where applicable.

Enjoy these as I have, because they’re all worth savoring!

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF A LINK IS BROKEN OR IF I MISATTRIBUTED SOMETHING.

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. Paperwork – Mirach (T, the one where Aziraphale is filling out forms for a new corporation and is idly flashing back to the reasons for his discorporation. It has a lot to do with Crowley. This one is so sweet and heartfelt, and also has a surprise at the end that gave me a good chuckle.)

2. A Dozen Red Roses for My Darling – @raiining (G, the one where Crowley finds himself in a bit of a pickle while doing a miracle for Aziraphale. This one has the funniest summary and I don’t even know why it’s so funny to me. It’s even better that it’s a Regency story, and the underlying tension between Crowley and Aziraphale is so good. Simple and sweet.)

3. When the lights go out (run away with me) – strawberriesandtophats (T, the one where Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis skip out for the night. Has a gorgeous little rendezvous between the two of them, and a wonderful second chapter where they find Warlock again. Entirely too beautiful. All the emotions.)

4. older now, and the light is dim – WISHBONE (NR, the one where Aziraphale walks in on Crowley holding baby Warlock and both he and my heart go entirely to pieces. Based on that one gingerhaole fanart, it captures the quiet tenderness of the art perfectly, and then beyond—Crowley goes a little protective at one point and then Aziraphale is introspective and it’s GOOD.)

5. It begins, as it will end, in a garden – @tenoko1 (G, the one where it’s the cold open but with a recurring theme of flowers woven in. This one has fluctuating gender presentations and Crowley and Aziraphale discorporating each other and one utterly perfect moment where Aziraphale tries to kill Crowley and can’t make herself do it, and it is all Too Soft and Too Beautiful for words.)

6. A House in the Country – @theoldaquarian (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale take a vacation in an abandoned house in the Lake District for a summer. It’s beautiful and there’s pining and there might be thirty-six rooms in this place but it’s nicer to spend time together, dangit. Understated and quiet and perfect.)

7. The Gospel of Crowley – gutterandthestars (T, the one where Crowley gets on with tempting Christ and in true Crowley fashion it backfires on him. Jesus has the BEST characterization, he and Crowley have wonderful banter, and the whole thing is poignant and hilarious. Loved it from start to finish.)

8. build me a city, call it jerusalem – @gyzym (T, the one where Crowley considers Right and Wrong. Book-verse. Jumps around in history and is one of those really esoteric, artistic pieces that makes you stop and think about what you just read. Absolutely gorgeous.)

9. Solitarius – @popcornpowergoddess (G, the one where Crowley blesses an old cottage and is sad. This one blew my mind when I read the author is fifteen, because WOW they are going places if they’re already this good. The work is heartbreaking and a little funny and so, so visually appealing. A real treat for the brain.)

10. Sawdust of Words – @aethelflaedladyofmercia (G and T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship and the Ineffable Plan get looked at from another angle. This series is already gonna rip me to pieces—Early Days had the most gorgeous and DIFFERENT storyline for Aziraphale post-Adam and Eve getting cast out, and it has him and Crowley actually arguing and being contentious at first in their relationship, it’s so good, especially when they start to try and work it out. Obedience hurt me in ways I did not ask for. The stories jump around in the timeline and it’s all so GOOD, I’m READY for more!)

11. An Angel who did not so much Fall In Love as Settle Into It Gradually – @theladyzephyr (G, the one where it’s exactly what it says on the tin. Jumps through history and has precious tender moments and less-than-tender moments all jumbled up in there, you can really feel with Aziraphale where he starts to lose the fight against his feelings. Just fantastic.)

12. Inauspicious (But Not Impossible) – @thetunewillcome (M, the one where there’s a kiss in 1945 and immediate consequences, and Aziraphale contemplates Romeo and Juliet. IMO doesn’t deserve the M rating, the kissing and the snogging are both pretty innocuous. The pining is real and delicious and painful, and the ways Heaven and Hell choose to remind their agents of what happens to traitors is Awful. Nothing gory, just sad. But it ends so much happier.)

13. and you can say that my hair’s a disgrace – @phoenix-soar (T, the one that’s an ode to Crowley’s hair throughout the years, and excuses for Aziraphale to touch it. Intimate, romantic, intensely emotional, just a real treat of a fic. Aziraphale loves Crowley and his hair so much.)

14. As Yearning Lips to Unyielding Stone – SanSanFanFan (G, the one where Crowley gets maudlin over a statue that looks like Aziraphale. Oh my gosh, you guys. You guys, the PINING. The YEARNING. The LONGING. It’s exquisite and painful and a work of art in and of itself. I have a soft spot for period fics, especially Italian Renaissance, for some reason, and THIS is one of the best.)

15. What’s Done In the Dark – @charmingpplincardigans (T, the one where Crowley literally glows with love and HOLY CRAP ON A STICK, Y’ALL, this one is an epic. It’s as much a story about growth as it is about love, and it’s so, so satisfying to watch Crowley go through this journey. I don’t have the words, just know that it’s one of those fics you can’t pass up. A+++++++)

16. Hot Days, Mad Blood – noodlefrog (T, the one where Aziraphale teaches Crowley how to duel, or he will in future chapters. This is a brand-spanking-new one that is gonna be so much fun to watch update. Italian Renaissance! Swordplay! Crowley being a smitten idiot! Aziraphale being competent! It’s gonna be so good y’all.)

SOUTH DOWNS

17. make your good love known to me (or just tell me about your day) – Sky_Stars_Sea (G, the one where Crowley is adjusting to living with Aziraphale. Has a beautiful sensory experience running throughout, and Crowley being so vulnerable it physically hurts. Beautiful, beautiful story.)

18. The Cottage at the End of the Lane – Angelina_Aintithenniel (T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale have to defend what’s theirs. I have never screamed at my computer so much while reading a fic series, mostly along the lines of “LEAVE THEM AND THEIR HOUSE ALONE,” because this series is the Madoka Magica of fics: cute and fluffy casing, unexpectedly wild, angsty, action-packed innards. I adore this whole series. It makes me FEEL things.)

19. in my darkness I remember – @anthxnyjcrxwley (T, the one where it’s a soft, quiet night in the South Downs. A straight shot of fluff right to the heart, friendos, nothing more, nothing less. Stuff a mattress with this fic and say goodbye to any and all worldy pains.)

20. there’s no kingdom to come – killingthemoon (T, the one where Crowley slips off to fix up the cottage before springing it on Aziraphale. Tender, sweet, has a gorgeous ending scene that’s lots of fun and lots of shouting at the sky.)

21. A Heaven More Like This – miladyshakespeare (T, the one where it’s a Welsh cottage this time, cycling through a year. Such a beautiful piece of longing and uncertainty as Crowley and Aziraphale circle each other, a lot of quiet themes about letting yourself be cared for and letting yourself care, and also there’s a cat.)

22. The Legend of Devil’s Dyke – @sameoldsorceress (M, the one that’s a retelling of a popular South Downs local legend. Not sure at all why this one is rated M but it might be the gratuitous use of the word “cocks”, though in context it’s not filthy at all. This one is FUN, y’all, and I agree with the sentiment of the Tumblr post that inspired the fic, there need to be more fics featuring local South Downs legends.)

POST-APOCALYPSE

23. Slow – @theirdarkreturning (T, the one where the Antichrist makes some assumptions when he puts the world back together. Scores points for being very Jewish and playing right into the classic nigh-Shakespearean trope of miscommunication. Hilarious and sweet also the one where God signs the marriage certificate.)

24. Binary Stars – samael_the_scrivener (T, the one where Crowley has an emotional breakdown and Aziraphale does his best to make it right. Heavily emotional and angsty, nearly had me in tears right along with Crowley, and Aziraphale’s portion doesn’t back down from the tone, they have to fight tooth and nail through the emotional blockage to get to understanding and it’s positively sublime.)

25. If We’ve Got Nothing (We’ve Got Us) – @kedreeva (G, the one where everyone ends up where they’re meant to be. A gorgeous story about found family and working through differences and—eventually—God’s Ineffable Plan possibly coming to full fruition. I don’t wanna spoil too much, it’s best experienced blind.)

26. The Ludicrous and Many Disasters of Mister A.Z. Fell, Houseplant – @souljellied (T, the one where it is also exactly what it says on the tin and is exactly as ridiculous as you’d hope. With an unexpected but not unwelcome dash of angst, to boot. Crowley doesn’t take too well to being unable to immediately find Aziraphale, after all. Aziraphale is mostly wondering how to get out of this mess.)

27. In the (Second) Beginning – cherryfeather (M, the one where they have an inevitable conversation after the Ritz. Doesn’t really need the M rating since the smooching is intense but not graphic, and has the single greatest scene of Aziraphale reminding Crowley he’s a sensualist of ALL TIME. Fabulous work, very formative for me tbh.)

28. all I need, darling, is a life in your shape – @mortuarybees (G, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley need some convincing in the form of their well-meaning friends putting them in a room with one bed. The pining is delicious and piping hot, friends, and then suddenly oh my GoSatSomebody, they were roommates. A great little number with a beautiful confession scene.)

29. corrections – @0nelater (T, the one where Crowley is having a slow, melting come-apart about his feelings. Lots of Crowley being, in his own words, a basket case, and having a fundamental misunderstanding of how angels sensing love works, and how those two concepts are resolved. Has beautiful color symbolism and fun meta throughout.)

30. dearly beloved – @dissatisfied-starlight (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale get married, despite the universe’s best efforts, it seems. Hilarious and sweet and surprising! Not to spoil anything, but also has the best Beelzebub characterization as a nice little cherry on top.)

31. A Buried and Burning Flame – Lissomedi (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale visit an art museum and happen upon a disturbingly accurate and intimate depiction of themselves. Lots of Crowley pining and then being miserable, lots of Aziraphale being confused and then exasperated. So cute and sweet.)

32. The Long Game – sir_not_appearing_in_this_archive (G, the one that’s an adventure romp with proper twists and pining and saving the world. I love the spirit of this one, and the various inconveniences the cast have to overcome to stay out of Heaven and Hell’s radar. The building action right before the climax of the plot is heart-stopping, and the resolution is suitably satisfying. Was a fun way to spend a late night, for sure.)

33. in which labels are finnicky things – REVVIII (T, the one where Aziraphale is trying to figure out the perimeters of their relationship post-Apocalypse. He tries so hard, does his research, but honestly, nothing is gonna do it like talking to Crowley about it openly, which is, of course, not his first course of action. Very cute, especially when he’s trying to suss out what friends with benefits are.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

34. if you wanna be alone, come with me – mygalfriday (G, the one where they can’t even make it into Crowley’s flat before it all comes spilling out. Short and sweet shot of fluff, just a perfect little sip of serotonin.)

35. The Things We Did and Didn’t Do – @dietraumerei (G, the one where they finally get their act together and defeat Heaven and Hell with the power of LOVE. Such tender, very emotion. Wow.)

36. Too Generous – rfsmiley (T, the one where That One Line, you know the one, from Pride and Prejudice serves as the inspiration. There’s some sneaky shirt-opening and it’s both hot and kinda funny. The very definition of “enthusiastic consent.”)

37. Exit Interview – Pygmy Puff (G, the one where Crowley has to survive a round of paperwork in order to get out of Heaven in Aziraphale’s body. This one went in a completely unexpected direction. I was ready for a humorous romp through Heaven’s bureaucracy. I got so much more than I was bargaining for. Read it, it’s ridiculous in all the best ways and surprisingly dangerous.)

AU/UA

38. An Honest Surrender – @kedreeva (T, the one where their plan to fool Heaven and Hell is a little different. Y’all might already know this one as the Angel Marriage fic, but for those who don’t, imagine “marriage” as we know it and then throw that concept out the window, because what happens is too weird and beautiful for words. My words, anyway.)

39. Mr. Fell – @amarguerite (T, the one that’s a reverse AU where Aziraphale is a Victorian dandy frat boy party-thrower who used to date Satan and talks about it constantly, and Crowley is Heaven’s perfect little soldier and all the PTSD that comes with. Tons of heart and originality already, though it’s still early in the fic, and a truly special dynamic between Aziraphale and Crowley. Also Aziraphale accidentally causes Original Sin by inventing brunch and if that doesn’t get you to read, nothing will.)

40. Keep Getting Stranger (I Do) – @callipygiangoldfish (T, the one that’s a Howl’s Moving Castle AU, patterned more after the book than the movie. It’s a wonderful little adventure about accepting yourself and the side-dish of falling in love is SCRUMPTIOUS.)

41. By the Light of My Stars – @theladydrgn (T, the one where Crowley was Raphael and in love with Aziraphale and that bit doesn’t change, at least. Has probably my favorite tag used in any fic ever of all time, I’ll see if you can spot it. Protective Crowley for MILES and MILES in this one, what he does to a demon that threatens Aziraphale is pure poetry. Going in a promising direction for sure!)

42. flammam gladii hinc – @wildenessat221b (G, the series where Crowley was Raphael and wiped Aziraphale’s memory to protect him. Has the BEST backstory for the flaming sword, of all things, and a bittersweet story throughout. Told in terms of [redacted] so it’s got a bit of mystery to it but not much. Somehow that makes it sadder.)

43. Bring Out Your Dead – metallic_sweet (T, the one where Crowley is Raphael and a healer no matter what Heaven tries to get him to do. A reverse AU where Aziraphale is a shark, of all things, and a warrior with a supernaturally bad sense of direction trying his best. It’s a refreshing change of pace in both reverse AUs and Raphael AUs; Crowley is still gruff and Aziraphale is still sweet and it’s perfect.)

44. Something to do with these sacred words – @thehumantrampoline (T, the one where Crowley confesses early and often. It’s both lovely and sad, in a way, for Crowley to be so open about his feelings so much without Aziraphale doing much about it besides panic internally, but the ending is sweet, very much so.)

45. reckless and wild and stricken – @weatheredlaw (T, the one where Armageddon happens again and this time it’s a true post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario. Weatheredlaw is famous for having fics that just tear at the heartstrings, and this one’s no different. It’s tender and it’s sad and it’s desperate and it HAUNTS ME.)

46. A price to pay – @aerococonut (T, the one where performing miracles costs Crowley something. A lovely look at the technicalities of Crowley—and Aziraphale, mind—doing something they aren’t made for, and the ways it changes them. Fans of fics about chronic pain, this is the one.)

47. Soulmates – GoodandIneffable (G, the one where your lies put marks on your soulmate’s body, and Aziraphale and Crowley are soulmates. This is one I wish had at least a 3k-word expansion, because the concept is gorgeous and Crowley’s realization at what it truly means to be Aziraphale’s soulmate is staggering. Short, but worth it.)

48. i love(d) you – extraordinarilyextreme (G, the one that’s a Star Wars AU and it WRECKED ME. Force-bonds, love, betrayal, forgiveness, AUGH. It’s too much. I love it. Also Padawans Warlock and Adam ftw.)

49. The Book of Aziraphale – @gigglesnortbangdead (T, the one where Aziraphale wrote poetry he never intended to make public, and naturally it goes public. This had the potential to be silly or sweet and wound up directly in poignant instead; Aziraphale takes a decidedly self-loathing approach with a lot of his poetry and it’s amazing to watch him work through his feelings about himself and about Crowley.)

50. Of Celestial Sonnets and Pitiable Poets – trieduntrue (T, the one where Crowley wrote poetry he never intended to make public and then Hell finds it. So naturally, to save his skin, he has it printed and distributed under the guise of “spreading sin.” Then he writes and publishes a second one completely drunk. This one is pure silliness and Crowley schadenfreude; it really plays up the beloved device of “everything Crowley does backfires on him somehow” in the most lighthearted way.)

51. The Healer and the Lover – Nnm (T and G, the series where Aziraphale’s name means “of Raphael” and that’s who Crowley used to be, and there’s a lot of complicated feelings involved. Really emotionally complex and interesting take on the Raphael AU, one I’ve come back to a lot because it’s so compelling.)

52. Tracing The Stars On Your Skin – PunJedi (T, the one where Crowley’s freckles used to be stars. Achingly sweet and sad, goes through each constellation Crowley made and has a story for it. The end is just gorgeous, really emotional and sweet.)

53. On the Matter of Touch – @somedrunkpirate (T, the one where Aziraphale is flooded with the emotions of the ones he touches, and Crowley is a touch-starved lovesick sad sap. Incredibly tender and emotional, lots about boundaries and communication and the Mortifying Ordeal of letting yourself care and be cared for.)

SOFT

54. keep me close – @saints-and-demons-preserve-us (G, the one where Aziraphale accidentally discovers that Crowley does local theatre. It’s so funny and sweet and full of longing and excellent Broadway tunes, and also Aziraphale is The Most Awkward and it’s gratifying af.)

55. i keep a window for you (it’s always open) – @campgender (T, the one where they quote Romeo and Juliet a lot. It’s beautiful and romantic and Shakespeare always deserves appreciation. The lines that are picked out are especially gorgeous in the context of the fic.)

56. Hunter’s Heart, Hunter’s Mouth – kashiichan (T, the series where Aziraphale romances Crowley with poetry. I’m new here so I don’t quite understand the Gomens fandom’s immortal love of Richard Siken, but I can darn well appreciate good poetry, especially when it’s couched in tender touches and overwhelming feels.)

57. Fools in Love – @theres-a-goldensky (T and M, the series where this is absolutely true. The first is a frankly hilarious jaunt at Aziraphale trying different hobbies and dragging Crowley into them, the second is Aziraphale not realizing he’s projecting his own longing for Crowley onto everyone around him and then getting jealous of his own warped perceptions. M rating is more for lascivious intent and verbiage than actual smut, and what an intent it is XD)

58. To Trust in One Another – bluespring864 (T, the one where Aziraphale is haunted by something insensitive he once said to Crowley. Do you enjoy pining that builds until it breaks every dam in the universe? Do you enjoy self-flagellating for something dumb you said once? Welcome to paradise, friends, a sweet, adorable paradise.)

59. Best Not To Dwell On It – @saaliyah (G, the one where they make out in a linen closet sometime in the early 1800s. Short, simple, sweet, and making out in a linen closet, what more do you thirsty lovies need XD)

60. Something So Precious – @freyjawriter24 (G, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley are adopted by two separate groups of old ladies who take it upon themselves to matchmake, as groups of old ladies are wont to do. Too adorable for words, will cause literal discorporation.)

61. Birds of a Feather – @idiopathicsmile (T, the one where Aziraphale is nesting and Crowley doesn’t get it. Another one of those classic miscommunication fics where everything is awful until they finally get on the same page, and then it’s wonderful. Also the thought of Aziraphale in particular feathering his nest with things he and Crowley both like is the sweetest mental image of all time.)

62. Just Hold On Tight – @books-n-bentleys (G, the one where communication is key to every relationship. Love languages are a thing and making sure you and your partner come to an understanding about them is important; see this fic for why this is a really good idea. Because every relationship deserves tenderness and understanding and the correct level of schmoop.)

63. Braving Those Angry Skies – ladymerlot (T, the one where Crowley nearly kills himself saving Aziraphale from Nazis. Crowley is so perfectly in character throughout it’s almost funny even when it isn’t (maybe especially when it isn’t). A prime example of my favorite Gomens fic trope to date. I know I don’t have a lot of variance in my adjectives but you guys TENDER. ROMANTIC. SWEET. IT’S ALL OF THEM.)

64. Moral Arguments – WhiteQueenWrites (T, the one where Crowley and the gang help a woman get revenge on her truly horrible ex. This one is FUN, there’s no other way to say it. It’s cathartic and satisfying and is one of those fics I wish was a cheesy movie I could watch while eating disgusting amounts of popcorn.)

65. get religion quick (cause you’re looking divine) – @brinnanza (G, the one where Aziraphale is convinced Crowley doesn’t love him back and it’s fine. Cute and emotional and must absolutely be read with its counterpart below. This one first, that’s why it’s listed first; they aren’t related in the way that they’re the same scene from different perspectives, they’re just similar situations with the roles swapped, and it’s so worth reading, these idiots I swear 2 Someone.)

66. you play with my feelings (right from the start) – @penrosesun (G, the one where Crowley is convinced Aziraphale doesn’t love him back and it’s fine. Hilarious and emotional and must absolutely be read with its counterpart above. Really illustrates how two smart people can completely miss the point for THOUSANDS OF YEARS.)

67. Worth Any Price – @sameoldsorceress (T, the one where Crowley sets up a kissing booth. You guys I was ready for fun shenanigans involving Crowley kissing the general public and maybe Aziraphale getting a little bothered under the collar. I was not expecting the FEELS. The PLOT. The UNEXPECTED PUNCH TO THE GUT. Absolutely an underrated treasure in this fandom, needs to be talked of often.)

68. Bodies of Change – @dietraumerei (G, the one where Aziraphale has new clothes. This one plays right into my Fashion itch and it’s wonderful and body-positive and so, so sweet. Crowley is so smitten with his angel.)

69. i did not know ‘twas love i gave – miribees (T, the one where Aziraphale makes Crowley a mixtape. This one is unexpectedly bittersweet and tender, with Crowley and Aziraphale in a fight for a good chunk of the fic, but it’s the apology and the making up that’s sweetest, of course.)

70. World Cold, Aziraphale Warm – maddiemaynot (NR, the one where Crowley is trying his best, okay. It’s unbearably romantic how much they love each other, how they slide into soft intimacy in fits and starts. Also has quite possibly the most disastrous date in history, but it’s the thought that counts.)

BEFORE

71. Fractured Heart – @asparklethatisblue (T, the one that’s gonna murder me with Aziraphale’s feels. The premise is that angels can be physically broken by strong emotion, and what’s stronger than the grief of losing a loved one to the Rebellion? Also dealing with Aziraphale’s feelings for Crowley getting tangled up in his feelings for his lost heavenly love, and it’s DELICIOUS.)

72. ask, and ye shall receive – @ariaste (G, the one where Crawly gets exactly what he’s asking for. Very much has the feel of my something-great grandpa, who once told a man “Go ahead, shoot me!” and was obliged. Hilarious and sweet, you can FEEL God’s smugness throughout the entire fic.)

73. what wound did ever heal – HallsofStone2941 (M, the one where Aziraphale is wounded in the War in Heaven and carries it with him. Rated M for one line involving sexytimes that truly isn’t that bad at all. Aziraphale is just so good and brave and Aziraphale about it all, A+++ characterization.)

74. Falling – @differentjasper (T, the one where the War in Heaven changed a lot of things. Read this if you want to picture little baby angel Aziraphale and Crowley and then get EMOTIONALLY WRECKED about them. I kinda wanted to rip my own heart out just to stop it from hurting so much while reading it.)

TOUCH-STARVED/BODY WORSHIP/WINGS

75. Uncaffeinated Decisions – @suntosirius (T, the one where Aziraphale is insecure and Crowley is sleepy. Utterly heart-rending in the best way; reading Crowley being so loving of Aziraphale’s body was extremely cathartic and satisfying, and continues to deliver every re-read.)

76. And So He Bringeth Them Unto the Haven – @je-suis-em-jee (T, the one where they’re both so touch-starved it’s obscene. Pitch-perfect romance and intimacy, I could feel the affection and love in my very bones.)

77. All that’s been shown to me (Sunlight) – WillowRoseBrook (T, the one where Aziraphale needs some convincing that being soft is good. I’m especially weak for softness being praised, so this one hit me like a nail between the eyes. Intense, passionate, and intimate. Deffo got that praise kink going, too.)

78. These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruins – @istezada (NR, the one with vague D/s themes as Crowley and Aziraphale work through their traumas together. Has wing grooming and praising and misunderstandings and communication, oh my. A veritable piñata of feels.)

79. Long For the Touch of Your Hand – sara_wolfe (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale Did the Do in ancient Athens and predictably never touched again because Miscommunication. Oh, y’all, so mournful and uncertain, so desperate and sweet! My skin literally ached the first time I read this, it was the best.)

80. I Love My Lover With A-- – DictionaryWrites2 (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale have a game that involves kissing and adjectives. Book-verse, one of those curious fics where you’re both drowning in feels and learning something. Sensual in all the best ways and so achingly loving.)

81. Untouched – @etaleah (T, the one that RIPPED MY HEART FROM MY CHEST WITHIN THE FIRST COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS OR LESS. And then CONTINUED TO PUMMEL ME INTO THE GROUND FOR THREE THOUSAND WORDS. Crowley is so painfully touch-starved it kicked my own touch-starvedness into overdrive. Will take your emotions and leave them bleeding and broken before carefully bandaging them up and giving them a snuggle.)

82. a garden all their own – @letmetemptyou (T, the one where Crowley gets some much-needed TLC as he starts to process the day of Armageddon. Plaintive, poignant, and deeply emotional. Absolutely wrecked me.)

BONUS

83. High Risk, No Reward – @asideofourown (T, the one where idiots try to rob the bookshop. BAMF Aziraphale and hapless mortals, it doesn’t get any better than this.)

84. Asportation – @mazarin221b (T, the one where Aziraphale gets kidnapped and gets the best of his kidnappers. Or, rather, brings out the best in his kidnappers. Such a delightful way for Aziraphale to deal with the people who tried to put him up for ransom, the whole thing is utterly charming.)

85. A Button to Lurk – @reidluver (T, a quiet and mournful look at a possible spin on Michael and Hastur’s relationships with Ligur, and what’s left after Armageddon. Took me completely by surprise. Understated, powerful, and dignified, if you can believe it. Of course it is, it’s Michael.)

86. And So They Grew Better – JiMoriartea (NR, the one that’s about the plants! Basically has canon from the perspective of the unfortunate little plant that gets singled out for having a leaf spot. She is a delight and I’m so proud of her, and can’t wait to see her completely miss the point of future events XD)

87. Secret Agent Man – @theaceace (G, the one from the perspective of an actual secret agent who doesn’t think Crowley and Aziraphale are very good at their jobs. Baffling and hilarious and wonderful in every way.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

88. The Point of You and Me – Rizandace (T, the one where you think everything is gonna be fine and then Gabriel happens. The danger is real. The emotions are real. The heart-stopping was figurative but felt pretty real at the time, tbh. Prepare to get punched in the face with your feelings.)

89. (Don’t) Say My Name – @cosmicocelot (M, the one where Crowley gets summoned by a not-nice person. M for torture. A classic search-and-rescue and it’s the best OH SNAP moment when Aziraphale finally catches up. Woof.)

90. Something Wicked – @thepaisleyelf (M, the one where Aziraphale gets summoned by a not-nice person. M for torture, though it’s supernatural and not exactly graphic. This one is an intense and wild adventure, y’all, that morphs straight into intense and desperate attempts at care and healing. The whole thing is a tender love story wrapped in a Victorian supernatural candy coating and it SLAPS.)

91. Every Demon Wants his Pound of Flesh – @dolphin-bouillabaisse (T, the one where Hastur is stalking Crowley. If hurt!Crowley trying to be brave and not let anyone know he’s hurting and bamf!Aziraphale taking care of business once he finally figures it out is your flavor, then welcome to Flavor Town, because this one is juicy. Was not at ALL expecting the ending, it’s delicious and vindictive.)

92. And we could feel, (none of it) – @clankclunk (G, the one where Aziraphale comes to grips with how Crowley knows to save him and the implications of that. Aziraphale’s entire emotional journey through this fic is so heartbreaking. But the conclusion is the exact counterbalance of healing and sweetness needed. Also Heaven is full of dicks but we knew that (except Aziraphale didn’t but that’s the point of this fic, now go read it).)

93. the wonder that keeps the stars apart – Nilmiel (G, the one where, fourteen hours after he gets the holy water, Crowley immediately has an Incident. Painful and emotional and intensely sweet. The second chapter has the best closure, even though it happens post-Armageddon’t.)

94. goodnight sweet prince (and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest) – @xoxoemynn (T, the one where Crowley needs a nap. Told throughout like a bedtime story in between the narrative and it’s such a charming effect, watching Crowley succumb to his exhaustion and Aziraphale take care of him.)

95. Fragments of Life – TheGirlWithBrightEyes (G, T, M, the series where Crowley has PTSD and anxiety, and Aziraphale adjusts. This series is a heartbreaking one and doesn’t shy away from the ugly parts of neurodivergence, but as much pain as there is, there is an equal and even greater amount of comfort and positive reinforcement. The single M is for a fic that toes the line of smut but doesn’t actually go over. Feels as cathartic as a good long cry.)

96. A Choiceless Hope In Grief – @thealphaaxolotl (NR, the one inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice. Featuring Crowley trapped in Tartarus and Aziraphale being more determined than Heaven and Hell combined to save him. One of those stories that drags you through the dark but doesn’t leave you there—at least, not alone, not without comfort.)

97. November Rain – FeatherBlack (T, the one where Crowley has a very bad time dealing with his emotions and Aziraphale is very bad at communicating. Visceral and emotional and raw and difficult to read at times with how miserable everyone is, but it does get better. It does definitely get better.)

98. Within These Walls – Elvendork (G and T, the series that you think is gonna be a fluffy “Greatest Showman” song-inspired jaunt but then comes out of left field with a sucker punch straight to the throat. Touching and thrilling and who invited Gabriel and Sandalphon, because I sure didn’t.)

99. Sticks and Stones – Kaz_Langston (T, the one where Aziraphale develops disordered eating because Gabriel is a dick. This one hurt so much, Aziraphale does not deserve what happens to him, but he does deserve the love and care Crowley gives him as a result.)

#good omens #good omens fic recs #mega gomens fic rec list #there might be one more after this #and then regular-sized fic rec lists i promise #a reasonable amount of recs #bless your soul if you actually read all of this

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rasmussandont · 5 years

Text

Notes for Chapter 12 & 13

- I kept saying I was closer and closer to finishing this fic (like, you know, a liar), but it got longer and longer. The last two chapters ended up being over 5K and 6K words respectively. .-.

- Please don't fact check the way I tried to characterize the Hockey Ultimate mode on NHL 17.

- The goal in the St. Pats jersey against the Blackhawks. I made the desription a little more ~dramatic because that play happened fast. I wanted them to make up by the time this game happens bec of this gifset and that took some doing y'all.

- Full disclosure: If I was able to finish this fic like, three or four months earlier, this scene with Babs would've been a lot different, but we're kind of in a fight right now and this was hard lmao. I originally outlined this scene during the 2017-2018 season, and was meant to show a warmer(?) interaction between them. I've struggled throughout with how much like current rl events should color the story, and it sort of became a moot point during the holdout when some of the angst I wanted to incorporate AS A WORK OF FICTION kind of dovetailed with reality there a little.

- Auston Matthews, hater of horror movies, liker of The Office.

- Auston's skating coach referenced here is Boris Dorozhenko.

- Anecdote about takeout and the Auston quote was slightly modified from this article.

- I tried to mirror the post-loss scene with the first time they sleep together in Chapter 3, partly to tie the story together, but also because I didn't want the thesis of this last section to be that "sex messes things up" or something similar. For me, the issues with their personalities and the emotional changes that they needed to undergo have existed outside of the context of their hookup, and would've still cropped up and complicated their relationship if they got together differently. It would've just been less dramatique than this, probably. I also wanted to convey that seeking comfort from sex isn't necessarily bad, as long as you don't do it out self-destructive tendencies, if that makes sense?

- I streamlined the Spotify playlist that I looped while making this fic to be more cohesive. The songs that I sort of looped for a while there was Moses Sumney's "Worth It," Taylor Swift's "Delicate," TV on the Radio's "Ambulance," TV Carpio's "I Want to Hold Your Hand," and Kesha's "Finding You." Yes, the last sentence of that St. Pats scene was inspired by the Kesha song. I also wore out the Original Cast Album of Waitress lol. I wore out “She Used to Be Mine“ when I was writing Willy’s self-hating introspection and I’m not ashamed of it.

- Thank you so much to everyone who went on this ride with me in its various stages, especially to Katrina, Helen, Brooklyn and Abby who pre-read parts of the fic when I was being extra whiny. I've literally never written any work of fiction longer than 20k before this and it was Something Else.Thank you for all the messages and comments and kudos!! If you have any more questions/comments feel free to send me a message here but I'm much more active on Twitter. Find me at worthhellabucks (public and screaming about the Leafs) and pandapoleon (private and a lot more fannish/shippy).

- I might post some bonus stuff here, including Auston related things but don’t hold your breath guys because it’s a mess right now lmao. I do appreciate everyone for saying that they wanted to know how the whole story unfolded from Auston’s perspective.

#fic notes

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theliberaltony · 5 years

Link

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

No matter who wins the 2020 presidential election, they won’t be able to get much done if their party doesn’t also win the Senate. Historically, the presidential election results in a given state have tracked closely with the Senate outcome there, and the two are only coming into closer alignment (in 2016, for example, the presidential and Senate outcome was the same in every state). But partisanship isn’t the only factor in Senate races (yet); a senator’s popularity can still make a difference. That’s why, today, we’re unveiling a metric of a senator’s political standing that takes both partisanship and popularity into account.

With the help of Morning Consult, which polls the approval ratings of U.S. senators every quarter, we’ve created a statistic that I’m playfully calling Popularity Above Replacement Senator (PARS). It’s based on the same premise as my Popularity Above Replacement Governor (PARG) statistic1 — that it’s a good idea to think about politicians’ popularity in the context of their states’ partisanship. PARS, like PARG, is calculated by measuring the distance between a politician’s net approval rating (approval rating minus disapproval rating) in her state and the state’s partisan lean (how much more Republican- or Democratic-leaning it is than the country as a whole).2 Take West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin as an example. According to the latest Morning Consult poll, which covered the first three months of 2019, Manchin had a +5 net approval rating. That may not look like anything special, but it’s actually quite impressive because Manchin is a Democrat in one of the reddest states in the nation (R+30). Accordingly, he leads all senators with a +35 PARS.

Introducing ‘Popularity Above Replacement Senator’ scores

Senators’ net approval ratings for the first three months of 2019 relative to the partisan leans* of their states

Senator State Name Party Net Approval State Partisan Lean PARS WV Joe Manchin D +5 R+30 +35 AL Doug Jones D +6 R+27 +33 MN Amy Klobuchar D +32 D+2 +30 MT Jon Tester D +12 R+18 +30 ME Angus King I +30 D+5 +25 OH Sherrod Brown D +17 R+7 +24 NH Jeanne Shaheen D +21 R+2 +23 AZ Kyrsten Sinema D +12 R+9 +21 VA Mark Warner D +19 EVEN +19 NH Maggie Hassan D +17 R+2 +19 ME Susan Collins R +13 D+5 +18 PA Bob Casey D +15 R+1 +16 MN Tina Smith D +18 D+2 +16 WI Tammy Baldwin D +14 R+1 +15 OR Ron Wyden D +24 D+9 +15 VA Tim Kaine D +13 EVEN +13 SC Tim Scott R +30 R+17 +13 MI Debbie Stabenow D +13 D+1 +12 GA David Perdue R +22 R+12 +10 DE Chris Coons D +23 D+14 +9 OR Jeff Merkley D +18 D+9 +9 MI Gary Peters D +10 D+1 +9 CO Michael Bennet D +10 D+1 +9 NV Jacky Rosen D +7 R+1 +8 NV Catherine Cortez Masto D +7 R+1 +8 LA John Kennedy R +25 R+17 +8 DE Tom Carper D +21 D+14 +7 WA Maria Cantwell D +19 D+12 +7 VT Patrick Leahy D +31 D+24 +7 VT Bernie Sanders I +31 D+24 +7 WA Patty Murray D +18 D+12 +6 GA Johnny Isakson R +18 R+12 +6 CT Chris Murphy D +17 D+11 +6 LA Bill Cassidy R +23 R+17 +6 MD Ben Cardin D +28 D+23 +5 FL Marco Rubio R +10 R+5 +5 WI Ron Johnson R +6 R+1 +5 SC Lindsey Graham R +21 R+17 +4 PA Pat Toomey R +5 R+1 +4 NC Richard Burr R +8 R+5 +3 OH Rob Portman R +10 R+7 +3 MS Roger Wicker R +18 R+15 +3 MD Chris Van Hollen D +25 D+23 +2 NM Tom Udall D +9 D+7 +2 FL Rick Scott R +7 R+5 +2 CO Cory Gardner R 0 D+1 +1 NM Martin Heinrich D +8 D+7 +1 TX John Cornyn R +17 R+17 0 ND John Hoeven R +33 R+33 0 NJ Cory Booker D +13 D+13 0 MA Ed Markey D +29 D+29 0 CT Richard Blumenthal D +10 D+11 -1 NE Ben Sasse R +23 R+24 -1 IL Tammy Duckworth D +11 D+13 -2 SD Mike Rounds R +28 R+31 -3 IA Joni Ernst R +3 R+6 -3 IA Chuck Grassley R +3 R+6 -3 NC Thom Tillis R +2 R+5 -3 AR John Boozman R +21 R+24 -3 RI Jack Reed D +22 D+26 -4 TX Ted Cruz R +13 R+17 -4 IN Todd Young R +14 R+18 -4 MT Steve Daines R +13 R+18 -5 IN Mike Braun R +13 R+18 -5 AR Tom Cotton R +19 R+24 -5 AL Richard Shelby R +21 R+27 -6 SD John Thune R +24 R+31 -7 HI Brian Schatz D +28 D+36 -8 AK Lisa Murkowski R +6 R+15 -9 AK Dan Sullivan R +6 R+15 -9 NY Kirsten Gillibrand D +13 D+22 -9 AZ Martha McSally R 0 R+9 -9 IL Dick Durbin D +3 D+13 -10 NY Chuck Schumer D +12 D+22 -10 UT Mitt Romney R +21 R+31 -10 CA Kamala Harris D +13 D+24 -11 MO Josh Hawley R +7 R+19 -12 NE Deb Fischer R +12 R+24 -12 WV Shelley Moore Capito R +18 R+30 -12 KS Jerry Moran R +10 R+23 -13 UT Mike Lee R +17 R+31 -14 MS Cindy Hyde-Smith R +1 R+15 -14 RI Sheldon Whitehouse D +11 D+26 -15 ID Mike Crapo R +20 R+35 -15 ID Jim Risch R +20 R+35 -15 TN Lamar Alexander R +13 R+28 -15 CA Dianne Feinstein D +8 D+24 -16 MO Roy Blunt R +3 R+19 -16 TN Marsha Blackburn R +10 R+28 -18 WY Mike Enzi R +29 R+47 -18 WY John Barrasso R +29 R+47 -18 OK James Lankford R +15 R+34 -19 MA Elizabeth Warren D +9 D+29 -20 KY Rand Paul R +2 R+23 -21 OK Jim Inhofe R +12 R+34 -22 HI Mazie Hirono D +14 D+36 -22 KS Pat Roberts R 0 R+23 -23 NJ Bob Menendez D -10 D+13 -23 ND Kevin Cramer R +8 R+33 -25 KY Mitch McConnell R -13 R+23 -36

A Democratic senator with a net approval of +2 in an R+7 state has a PARS of +9 (2+7 = 9). If the same state had a Republican senator with the same approval rating, the PARS would be -5 (2-7= -5).

Independent Sens. Angus King and Bernie Sanders are considered Democrats for these calculations.

Shaded rows denote senators whose seats are up in 2020, excluding those senators who are not seeking reelection.

* Partisan lean is the average difference between how a state votes and how the country votes overall, with 2016 presidential election results weighted at 50 percent, 2012 presidential election results weighted at 25 percent and results from elections for the state legislature weighted at 25 percent. The partisan leans in this article were calculated before the 2018 elections; we haven’t calculated FiveThirtyEight partisan leans that incorporate the midterm results yet.

Sources: Morning Consult, media reports

Like we did for PARG, we can use PARS as a tool to assess the 2020 Senate elections — specifically, to give us clues about which of the senators whose seats are up in 2020 might be poised to over- or underperform their party’s presidential ticket.

That conversation starts with Sen. Doug Jones, who comes in at No. 2 in PARS with a score of +33. Jones is a Democratic senator in R+27 Alabama, so he’s fighting an uphill battle. And if he is able to maintain a positive net approval rating (it’s +6 currently), that will be a sign of life for his candidacy.

Republican Sen. Susan Collins is another senator who hopes to overcome the partisan lean of her state (Maine is 5 points more Democratic-leaning than the nation) to win reelection. Her net approval rating in the Morning Consult poll has been on the decline over the past two years, but she still has a solid +13 net approval rating. The question is whether the results in 2020 will be closer to her net approval rating or Maine’s light-blue partisanship; splitting the difference yields a race that leans (or tilts) Republican, which is exactly where major election handicappers have it.

Similarly, if you were to look at state partisanship alone, you might assume that Democratic Sens. Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire, Mark Warner of Virginia and Tina Smith of Minnesota are electorally vulnerable. But PARS reveals why the handicappers aren’t so sure. They all sit in closely divided states (from R+2 for New Hampshire to D+2 for Minnesota), yes, but they are all also quite popular. Shaheen has a +21 net approval rating, Warner has a +19 net approval rating and Smith has a +18 net approval rating.

Unlike this trio, there are some senators whose electoral fates probably do hinge on the presidential race. Those include Republican Sens. Cory Gardner of Colorado, Joni Ernst of Iowa, Thom Tillis of North Carolina and John Cornyn of Texas. Each has a PARS between +1 and -3, indicating that their net approval rating is in line with their states’ partisan lean. If the Democratic presidential nominee carries their states (admittedly, this will be easier for Colorado than for Texas), the party may get a Senate seat as a bonus.

Finally, the senator who ranks last in PARS is also up for reelection in 2020, and it’s a big name: Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. McConnell manages just a -13 net approval rating despite inhabiting an R+23 state. It’s not crazy to think he could be vulnerable in 2020. Democrats are reportedly trying to recruit former Marine fighter pilot Amy McGrath, who raised $8.6 million for an unsuccessful 2018 congressional bid, to run against him. But it’s worth remembering that Lucy has held this football in front of Democrats before. In 2014, McConnell also had popularity problems, and Democrats thought they had a top candidate to challenge him in Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes. McConnell beat Grimes 56 percent to 41 percent.

Check out all the polls we’ve been collecting ahead of the 2020 elections.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Nathaniel Rakich

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tomoawards · 5 years

Text

The Tomo Awards 2018

Hi, welcome to The Tomo Awards 2018, baybee. Before I even get started, I just want to say that we are currently in a musical rennaissance, like an absolute golden age, and there are so many albums I wanted to put here but it was just too hard to pick because the current top 18 is just too solid and hard to pick through.

The header title of each album next to their respective number ranking on this list is a hyperlink to the album of Spotify. There will also be some links occasionally throughout the rest of this post for reference’s sake.

This is a link to the official Tomo Awards Spotify playlist of my favorite songs of 2018, in a general favorite to least favorite order. Over 10 hours of music.

Now let's talk about the albums, can we talk about the albums, please guys I've been dying to talk about the albums with you all year:

#18. Denzel Curry - TA13OO

I initially turned my eye to Denzel Curry, not because of his ties to a certain other artist who is finally dead and I won't mention by name, but because he seemed to have been another boring SoundCloud rapper from the outside. The fact of the matter however, is that that label couldn't be further from wrong. Denzel Curry's third and best album to date, TA13OO, is at its core, a commentary of SoundCloud rap culture and all of the vices it carries with it, as well as of life as a black person in America, on top of being a loose concept album, split into three acts: Light, Gray, and Dark, each of which has its own incredible and similar album cover, with the Dark cover often being used as the main one. And while the three sides of the album don't always correlate with the feel of the music itself, it does add a great way to break this already short enough album up into smaller and easier to chew pieces.

While having come up from SoundCloud himself, as well as being a XXL Freshman in 2016, Denzel's sound here is completely different than the scene he came out of, and there isn't a stuttering 808 hihat to be heard until the very last song of the Light side, Sumo, which could easily be a Lil Pump song; and that kind of juxtaposition is exactly the point - it's a caricature of SoundCloud rap, a critical analysis of it, while still finding a way to respect and understand it.

While only sitting at an easy 43 minutes, it's still a three-sided album, so I think it's only fair to give a highlight from each side. The first song and title track TABOO is easily the most essential track on the Light side of the album, while SIRENS featuring JID (who also dropped an incredible album this year) is a huge highlight of the Gray side. VENGEANCE is the biggest highlight of the Dark side, capturing the mood that the Dark concept shows on the album cover perfectly, featuring violently shouted and screamed verses from JPEGMAFIA and ZillaKami, before fading out into a soft and contrasting outro.

Finish 'em, 'Zel.

#17. Behemoth - I Loved You At Your Darkest

Very few bands have a career as enigmatic of a career as Behemoth; the closest comparison I can even think of is The Beach Boys, because it took them both over ten albums to make their magnum opus. When Behemoth released their most acclaimed work in 2014, their tenth album The Satanist, many had declared it to be one of if not the greatest black metal album ever made. The expectations for a true proper followup was almost impossible to hide, and they had even thrown around the idea that they'd never make another album again. So when they finally announced that a follow-up would be coming this year, the pressure was on.

I still don't think it will be possible for them to top The Satanist, but they closest they could do is at the very least match it, and that's just what they've done with I Loved You At Your Darkest. If anything, this album is just as solid as The Satanist was, and if this came first and The Satanist came second, I think the scores would flip, and this one would be the one with all the acclaim; it's hard to truly meet expectations and wow for a second time in a row, but Behemoth really did the absolute most they possibly could to fulfill those expectations. I Loved You At Your Darkest is truly the dark album its title suggest it would be, featuring the same minor guitar riffs that morph into complex harmonic structures with children's choirs and horn sections to back it all up at its highest peaks. This is another album for the history books.

The biggest points of interest on the standard edition of the album itself is the three-song stretch towards the beginning, starting with God=Dog into Ecclesia Diabolica Catholica, and pouring out into Bartzabel. It is, however, an unfortunate fact that the best song on the entire album, O Pentagram Ignis, was left off the full album and instead made a bonus track on the Japanese CD edition of the album.

#16. Asian Kung-Fu Generation - Hometown

Every single time Weezer drops a new album, fans complain, even if it's just by placebo. But whenever a Weezer fan complains, I'm always the first one to point out that Asian Kung-Fu Generation have been making the albums that Weezer fans want for the better part of the last 15 odd years.

Not only have Asian Kung-Fu Generation done that again with Hometown and the accompanying Can't Sleep EP that came out the same day, the album actually features co-writing credits from Rivers Cuomo himself, and it shines through as obvious as ever in songs like Circus and Dancing Girl, both of which respectively sound like the Blue Album and Pinkerton cuts.

Fuck your language barrier. Asian Kung-Fu Generation have made what people wanted The Green Album and every follow-up to be nine times already, and y'all still haven't noticed. All I know is if I hear even one of you jackasses complain when Weezer drops the Black Album early next year, I'm gonna fucking slap you in the face nine times over again with a physical vinyl pressing of every AKFG album from 2003's Kimi Tsunagi 5 M all the way up to this year's Hometown.

The biggest points of interest here are the cuts UCLA which sounds almost like a spiritual followup to the song "E" from their first album, as well as Dancing Girl, which again sounds like it would fit right into Weezer's Pinkerton save for the language difference.

#15. Wednesday Campanella - Galapagos

In the time since My Bloody Valentine, a completely unrelated band outside of this time comparison, have taken to follow-up their 2013 album MBV with even one EP that they've promised to drop the last two years in a row, Wednesday Campanella have had their entire and absolutely colossal career laid out.

Being one of the most artsy, eclectic, and just hard to pin bands in recent music from anywhere in the entire world, it's hard to even figure out what their thought processes is when defining their releases. Their two debut EPs both vary greatly in size - Norway No Mori is a mere 3 songs long, while Crawl To Sakaagari is 9 songs. Comparatively, last year's SUPERMAN, which was labeled an album, was 10 songs long. This year's Galapagos was 8, 9 if you include the cut single Gala as a bonus track like I did, but it's also still technically considered an EP. Meanwhile their 7 song "UMA" project is considered a mini-album. So fuck it, Galapagos counts as an album for this year.

On to it now, Galapagos was a hard record to stomach at first, if not solely by comparison to their previous...I don't know how many records, actually. Every record by them has always been different, sharing only one similarity - the eccentric artsiness that's so well associated with lead singer KOM_I at this point. What differentiates Galapagos the most however, is just how chill it is compared to their previous work, which is what made this a hard listen compared to last year's ball of high electric energy, SUPERMAN.

But what they delivered this year is no less worthy than any of their previous works, still utilizing the best production in the game right now, still being every bit as innovative as Yasutaka Nakata probably still wishes he could be.

The album opener, The Bamboo Princess, is the perfect starter, beginning with a slow and exotic opening melody, exploding into this huge orchestral and electronic hybrid drop. Melos is the other huge high point here, featuring a tight looping drum beat before building up with a watery, hypnotic pre-chorus, and exploding into the biggest hook on the album.

#14. Perfume - Future Pop

Before anything else, I'd like to pose this question: Yasutaka Nakata, what the fuck are you doing? It's a blessing every time we get a new Perfume album, but it's also a blessing that this album even grew on me enough to make it on my list, because it was a very rough first listen and an even rougher rollout - this is a 12 song, 42 minute album, however the amount of actual new music on here equals four songs and roughly 14 minutes. That's actually 2/3s of the album that we have already heard before it even came out. This is of course, not counting the joke of an "intro" song "Start-Up", which, as an instrumental 50 second intro, isn't really a song. But despite being Perfume’s worst album to date, Future Pop is still worth your time and adoration, as Perfume as a band still stands as one of the most incredible achievements in modern music.

So what did Future Pop do right? Well, it’s best to start with some context: the genre of future bass was born and died in 2014; nothing new has been done with it in 2018 that wasn't already done in 2014, not even what Perfume did here with Future Pop. The reason this happened is solely because the genre of future bass has found some mainstream (as far as “mainstream” goes for electronic sub-genres) success in Japan only just this year; despite not having anything new done with it, the genre that’s partially inspired by Japan, has only just found its way into the country itself. Funny how it do be like that sometimes.

But as far as future bass as a genre goes, we've heard it all before. So what makes Future Pop endearing enough to creep onto this list after such an initially awful first impression?

At it's core, it is still very much Perfume. Yasutaka Nakata, although lacking more self-awareness than ever, is still behind the wheel, and his production is still sparkly, hopeful, and clean as anything you've ever heard. Despite the genre changes, his chord choices and a good amount of his songwriting are still reminiscent of even Perfume's best material, aside from the unfortunate few songs which only have instrumental future bass choruses with ad-libs serving as the only vocal parts; what a great hook, am I right fellas?. Future Pop admittedly could fortunately have been so much worse, however. It also could have been much, much better. If anything, Future Pop has officially made JPN no longer considered the band's worst album.

Songs like Chorairin, Tenku, and Tiny Baby hark back to the heyday of classic Yasutaka Nakata production, whereas songs like Let Me Know and Everyday feel just short of being generic, and the presence of FUSION is elusive to my last two brain cells that remain after the rest of them died trying to figure out why the fuck this song even exists on the album in the first place.

Tokyo Girl and Houseki No Ame, the first single and its respective B-side, both already show their age and lack of place in the album’s main genre styling of “future pop”, sounding more like Cosmic Explorer leftovers than future bass bangers. Mugen Mirai and If You Wanna, however, happen to be the two greatest future bass songs ever recorded, with the latter feeling much too short and leaving listeners wanting more, a theme present through the album’s literal 13 minutes of new music in its 44 minute running time. Did I mention that yet? I’m sure I did, but there’s no amount of times I could repeat that to real drive home the fact that Yasutaka Nakata actually thought it was okay to release 13 minutes of new music and have the nerve to call it a “new” album.

The biggest highlights here are Mugen Mirai (無限未来) which despite the future bass goes so unbelievably hard and also Tiny Baby which happens to be one of my favorite songs in their entire catalogue now and I wish every song on this album sounded like it. The titular Future Pop being their second dive into DnB music is a pretty good one at that, with the first DnB song in their catalogue being Point from their 2013 album Level3.

At the end of the day however, this is new Perfume music, and I will always find a way to love new Perfume music no matter what.

“I feel so happy.”

#13. Rosalía - El Mal Querer

Where do I even start with this? Rosalía did something fucking magic here. Combining elements of both flamenco pop as well as a very slight trap influence, Rosalia and co-producer El Guincho are completely next level in every way. Straight out of Spain, Rosalía picked up traction last year with her debut album Los Angeles, and is already back this year following it up with the absolutely brilliant concept album El Mal Querer.

Opening with the moody #1 hit Malamente, brilliantly and minimally produced, the album's tone is set almost immediately. It's both sassy and modest, both maximalist and minimalist. If you're not familiar with the melodic work of Spanish music, the harmonic structure of this album might be jarring and almost entirely new to you. But if you know what you're going to get yourself into, this is going to be one of the most incredible musical experiences you'll hear all year.

The opening track Malamente is of course a huge highlight, but Pienso En Tu Mira is the most standout track here, combining a huge presence of modern R&B-trap in its production and melody with the flamenco stylings of Rosalía’s native Spain.

#12. SOPHIE - Oil Of Every Pearl's Uninsides

Despite losing a lot of its underground steam as well as its cult status in favor of transparency and visibility (which is in no way a bad thing), the PC Music label and associated genre have finally reached their promised potential they showed in the earl 2010s, with records like UMRU's Search Result, last year's POP 2 by Charli XCX, and SOPHIE's "proper" debut album this year. And with Hannah Diamond's debut album Reflections finally releasing early next year, it seems like PC Music's time to truly shine has finally arrived.

Oil Of Every Pearl's Uninsides, which I'll just call "Oil" from here on out, is equal parts breathtaking, uncomfortable, and mysterious. Oil features the kind of absurdist, abstract production SOPHIE came up on, but with a level of polish and palatability that she's never had before. While her original "compilation album”, PRODUCT (which I’m only just now finding out has been relabeled as a “compilation” [Edit: it’s not even officially an album on Spotify, it’s there as an official playlist of the singles that made the album up]), may have sounded like what abstract art looks like, Oil sounds like what a beautiful, colorful, absurdist painting looks like. It’s like Banksy vs. da Vinci, there’s just no comparing.

This is the kind of music that could come to life as a monster. On my first listen, I wouldn't have even flinched if I saw the cones of my stereo bulging as some kind of monster was trying to burst its way out like some kind of scene straight from Stranger Things. This music sounds like that, like something is going to physically break its way out of your speakers. This is the kind of music that I want people who don't believe in the power and capability of electronic music to hear, because it proves something important: those "lifeless" computers, synthesizers, and drum machines can create an absolute hellscape that most guitar players simply aren't capable of or creative enough to make with just a guitar.

The biggest highlights here are Ponyboy, which sounds like the music itself is trying to actually murder you by pounding you against a concrete floor at a rave, and Is It Cold In The Water, which sounds like somebody is trying to murder you by drowning you in a cave.

#11. Daughters - You Won't Get What You Want

What the fuck even is this album. I heard someone say that singer Alexis Marshall sounds like Elvis being forced to sing while being tortured. Musically, Daughters could almost be likened to Nine Inch Nails, but far more raw and more conventional. I really didn't know what to expect when I saw this pop up on Kingdom Leaks weeks before its release, but the artwork looked immediately iconic and it didn't have a pretentious genre tag, so I decided to just give it a go with no expectations.

And that's the best way to go into this. Just know that it's dark, and it might make you feel uncomfortable to the point of anxiety. I'm not even going to say anything else about it. Just go and listen to this, because it is a perfect, beautiful, dark, twisted masterpiece of an album.

Satan In The Wait is the highlight here, for me. It just captures the entire mood of the album. Go get on that.

#10. Band-Maid - WORLD DOMINATION

I'd like to start this off by wholeheartedly apologizing to Band-Maid for how much I've made fun of them and their fans in the past. I'd like to ammend this by saying I do not apologize to their Asian-fetishizing white people fanbase - you're all still creepy, cringey, disgusting little neckbeards.

This really came to me as a surprise. I have ruthlessly made fun of Band-Maid in the past. Like a lot. Despite still enjoying Maid In Japan a lot, which you will get roasted on their subreddit for even saying anything positive about even though it is their second best album next to this one, this one really caught me off guard. And while their first album has a lot of pop centric songwriting, they traded that off on the three records that followed by going super hard and edgy, almost to comedic effect as a way of trying to win over neckbeards who heard a Babymetal and think that you "have to play your own music to be good".

But World Domination does an unbelievable job at combining that hard edge with incredibly catchy pop songwriting, creating a really enjoyable heavy guitar pop experience that I haven't really heard out of Japan since the first BiSH album. Seiko Oomori tried to do similar this year but completely failed at making it stand out to an album like this in the same year, as well as her own past crowning achievements like last year's masterpiece kitixxxgaia.

Anyways, Domination is one of the best songs of the year with a chorus that makes me want to like punch of a fucking window or something, and Anemone is this super emotional pseudo-acoustic banger that will probably make you cry from its chord progression alone.

Band-Maid: I apologize. Band-Maid fans: fuck you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#9. Kero Kero Bonito - Time n Place

Not unlike Band-Maid at all...how the fuck did Kero Kero Bonito of all bands manage to make an album this good after years of embarrassment? Now I've been into KKB for years, since the original Intro Bonito mixtape dropped. Sarah was a part of the same online weeb community I used to be a part of. Everybody pretended to like KKB because they were about the only other weeb music group besides Slime Girls that showed some potential to break through into the actual music world.

But trading in those sick beats for conventional instruments, while not something I'd ever really endorse because guitars don't automatically make music good, dad, happened to be the best thing they could have done. KKB is a real band here now, and their experimental punk, tweed-pop, noise, J-pop, whatever, songwriting on this album makes it an absolute pleasure to listen to. It also doesn't help that Sarah doesn't sing even a word in her awful native Japanese.

Jolly good show, KKB. The second and third songs Time Today and Only Acting are an immediate attention-holder for the rest of the album and absolute show-stoppers.

#8. cacophony - Harmony

Completely out of left field, and off the suggestion of a friend of mine, who I know for a fact that when he speaks highly of something, it's worth that hype. I initially put this suggestion on the backburner until he came back to tell me that this album is on the level of Ringo Sheena's masterpiece Kalk Zamen Kuri No Hana, which still stands in my opinion as one of the top five greatest albums of all time. That's when I cleared my plate and sat down with this.

Cacophony is an artist from South Korea who is still criminally unheard of, especially after an album as personal and breathtaking as this. While I don't think this will ever be the legendary masterpiece that the Ringo Sheena album is, it truly does share a very similar, dark, and personal vibe. Inspired by the unfortunate passing of her mother, Harmony (known as Hwa in Korean) is a dark introspection into Cacophony's grief, and that feeling alone is presented in its gritty but relaxed production as well as her violently powerful vocal delivery.

You don't need to know a word she's saying here; I for sure don't speak Korean or even the occasional French that these songs are in, but the emotions conveyed here transcend any language. It's a dark album, and you genuinely may walk away from this in a bad mood, but it's an album any music lover simply can't miss, so maybe bring your serotonin along with you.

The biggest highlights here are In The End, a strong track with the most emotionally vulnerable and powerful vocal performance of the entire year, and Sick Boy a violent and brooding song that almost feels like it's dragging its own coffin behind it.

#7. Lucie,Too - LUCKY

Lucie,Too shouldn't be as good as they are. By every rule of music theory, absolutely nothing about this should be as fun and investing as it is. Lucie,Too makes the kind of music that every American band like Cayetana and Soccer Mommy wishes they were making. They're making some pretty decent waves, for a relatively tiny band from a town like Utsunomiya, even in the western world.

Lucie,Too is to the point if anything else. Their songs are short and get right to the good stuff. LUCKY, their most-watched song on YouTube, sits at only a minute and a half long; but don't think this is a punk band anything. The song sits at a really easy 93 beats per minute at double-time and just breezes along at its own pace. Most of their songs follow this mellow, flowing tempo, and feature really honest and genuine production - nothing too raw, but not over-polished either. Nothing about Lucie,Too should be as good as it is, but there's just a simplicity and raw honesty to their music that I haven't really heard from much other guitar music recently.

They also dropped a new EP called "exlover" in November that features one of my top three songs of the year, Saigo No Hi, which means The Last Day.

Anyways, the biggest highlight here is probably Siesta and the title track LUCKY, but honestly, the whole thing is short enough to be one highlight in its own right.

#6. KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KIDS SEE GHOSTS

Yeah, Kanye lost his mind, but that's all over the news so you can hear about that somewhere else some other time. Right here and now though, we're here to talk about how mans Kanye still makes some of the most fire music in the game, and this is the worthy successor to every album he's made in the past that Ye just wasn't, despite the fact that I still like Ye a lot more than everyone else seems to, but let's not digress and just get right into it.

Welcome To Heartbreak is my favorite song on 808s, Gorgeous is my favorite song on Dark Fantasy, and Father Stretch My Hands Part 1 is my favorite song on Pablo. So why wasn't I one of the people who was excited for this destined Kanye x Kid Cudi collab album for years and years like everyone else? I guess I just never made the connection, because this is genuinely the exact perfect step forward that Kanye's perfect discography deserves. It's just unbelievable that at such a shaky and tender time for him, he's still capable of making something brilliant.

I admittedly didn't care for this one on my first listen at all. Then I listened a second time and it clicked immediately; this album is as colorful as the Takashi Murakami artwork on the cover, it's as haunting as the ghosts painted on it, it's as psychedelic and moody as you'd expect anything Cudi doing, and it's as brilliantly produced as you'd expect anything Kanye doing.

At only 7 songs and short of 24 minutes, this album is digestible enough to listen to in one quick sitting and easy enough to be one big highlight. But as far as individual songs here, Freeee (Ghost Town Part 2) (best paired with Ghost Town Part 1 from Kanye's 'Ye' album that came out the week prior) is phenomenal, but the biggest highlight to me is Cudi Montage, which features a guitar riff that's immediately obvious as being played by the late Kurt Cobain himself, and eventually evolves into this huge harmonizing climax that's completely unmatched to anything else in the five album Wyoming Sessions that Kanye did this year.

#5. Vince Staples - FM!

Vince Staples is the best rapper alive. There is a tie for first place, but just know he is the one tying for it and the other best rapper alive will be further down this list.

Just right down to it, FM! is hard, and it's short. Continuing along with The Year Of The Short Album, FM! stands at only 26 minutes long, 11 tracks long, 3 of which are small skits; Vince himself actually laughed at the fact that the industry even bothered to call it an album, seeing as the album is just a minute short of being as long as 2016's Prima Donna EP.

There's nothing here as innovative and forward as Big Fish Theory, but that doesn't even matter here. What's special about FM! is that Vince almost seems to be having fun here, at least on the surface. Dive a little deeper into the lyrics, and you'll see that Vince is just as nihilistic and political as ever.

Thematically, the album is presented as a sort of short radio program, featuring DJ skits between songs and previews for other artists like Tyga and Earl Sweatshirt's new music. The beats are hard and pretty standard, but capture the exact amount of discomfort Vince's debut Summertime '06 delivered.

Outside and FUN! are the bangers here to really keep your ears on.

#4. Noname - Room 25

Noname is also the best rapper alive. Y'all have been ignoring her for too long. There, I said it. There is a tie between her and Vince Staples for best rapper alive title. Following up her brilliant 2016 mixtape Telefone, Room 25 is a much darker and more nihilistic approach to the familiar Chicago sound that her and the rest of her hometown borrowed from the old Kanye.

In an industry where Nicki and Cardi B are at the top despite how problematic and lackluster they've proven themselves to be both musically and lyrically, Noname immediately addresses the game's attitude towards women summed up with the simple one liner:

"And y'all still thought a bitch couldn't rap huh?"

Tackling issues like the sexism not only faced by women in the real world, but also within the industry she is a part of, as well as the black experience in America, Noname really comes through on the honest front here delivering bars that artists like Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole probably wish their labels would let them say.

Prayer Song and Self are the real winners here. Just...please go listen.

[ALBUM COVER REDACTED because Noname said she would be having a new album cover created after sexual abuse allegations came after the artist of the original album cover.]

#3. Haru Nemuri - Haru To Shura

I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I am part of the catalyst to Haru Nemuri's western success. It was I who told Anthony Fantano about her. She is now one of the most streamed Japanese artists (IIRC, don’t quote me on that) on Spotify because of his review. If only that melonheaded fuck understood just the level of influence his platform has to give incredible foreign artists the attention they deserve. Ash, my friend and J-music plug, from Arama, shared her with me much earlier this year, and after Haru To Shura came out, I slipped that and LOONA yyxy to Fantano. But enough about melons.

Haru To Shura is a masterpiece. There's no possible way for someone to describe this album to someone who only listens to western music, and that description alone should interest you. To those who have heard music outside of the western hemisphere, this album almost sounds like what Shinsei Kamattechan would sound like if Seiko Oomori were singing instead of Noko. Which is a great comparison, because both Seiko and Noko have been known to collaborate with Haru recently.

This album is raw and abrasive, but it's also strangely beautiful and avant-garde. Haru likes to call herself a "poetry rapper", who raps, hastily monologues to herself, sings, and screams over disgusting and dreamy shoegazey punk music. I like to think of Haru Nemuri as the next in the lineage of out-of-step women in J-pop, the line of which starts with Jun Togawa and follows Ringo Sheena and Seiko Oomori all the way up to Haru.

Sekai wo Torikaeshite Okure is the song that really made me pay attention, and I'd like to hope it'll be that for you too, so go peep that one first if you're remotely interested. And if you're not - have fun living your whole life without this perfect gamechanger of an album

It’s also worth noting she dropped a fucking amazing EP this year called Kick In The World, featuring its title track, an acoustic version, with four asbolutely batshit remixes of the title song sandwiched in-between them. This song was a leftover from the album that she said would have bloated down the tracklist. Finally an artist who has the self-awareness to cut music in favor of the listening experience. Can’t say the same about Drake.

#2. YESEO - Damn Rules

I don't really know where to even start with this one. I've always considered Neon Bunny, Aseul, and YESEO to be the holy trinity of Korean indie electronic music, and while Neon Bunny's Stay Gold might still be one of my favorite albums ever made, Damn Rules proves that the Korea might have a new underground queen.

YESEO came out of nowhere only two odd years ago, and to say she hasn't had a prolific career in that short time would be insulting; in 2016 and 2017 alone she dropped two mini-albums, an EP, a ton of assorted singles, covers, a feature on I.M (of Monsta X fame)'s mixtape, songs for K-drama soundtracks, and a single with SM Entertainment. But all of that was smooth trap and EDM-infused R&B.

What sets Damn Rules apart from not just the competition, but her own past self, is that it's hard; like really fucking hard, and it's dystopian futuristic sounding. Like, this is what the Cyberpunk 2077 soundtrack should sound like, not some 2000s white people-ass Jack White-ass blues rock bullshit.

The lead single Bitches Rule still stands as one of if not my favorite song of the year. It's gritty, horny, and sounds like a deep cut from the musical landscape of 3018, and that's a theme that continues throughout every song on the album. Even the instrumental track Mess, despite its future bass-driven hook still manages to impress in a way that future bass hasn't since its peak in 2014.

The fact that Damn Rules doesn't have the streaming numbers that last year's Million Things does should honestly be an intergalactic war crime.

This is gonna be one of those albums that people are gonna look back at years from now and go "yeah, that was really something else", regardless of what she does next.

The biggest highlights here are of course the lead single Bitches Rule, the hypnotic electro-trap song Cigarette Light, and the club banger Honey Don't Kill My Vibe, which sounds nothing like the Kendrick song it gets its name from.

#1. Travis Scott - ASTROWORLD

2019 kids will never know what it was like to bombard Travis Scott with memes that say something along the lines of "drop Astroworld right now" every time he tweeted. Let me preface all of this by saying I waited for Astroworld longer than you did. I have been listening to La Flame since the Days Before Rodeo days. I pushed Rodeo on all of my friends who liked hip-hop since the day it came out and all y'all ignored me until Astroworld. Y'all still think Birds is bad. Birds is good; it's better than Owl Pharaoh. It's better than Huncho Jack. Granted, anything is. But Astroworld is as good as Rodeo.

Astroworld is the sequel the real ragers have been waiting for. I'll admit, I was worried after Butterfly Effect, Huncho Jack, Watch, and all of his other recent features save for a few quality ones; I was worried that that generic Butterfly Effect flow would predominate Astroworld. But save for a few small hiccups which honestly don't matter in the grand scheme of things, Astroworld completely delivers on all fronts and defies the expectations he set on himself. It is not just a rollercoaster ride, it is a front to back day out at an interstellar theme park.

Sicko Mode actually sounds like you're on a rollercoaster, with the stuttering snare drops before the beat switch taking the place of a rickety chain pulling you up the hill before Drake pushes you off downhill into four loops or something. Astrothunder actually sounds like you're floating through space under a meteor shower. Coffee Bean actually sounds like you're walking back through the park at the end of the day. Thematically, Astroworld is a masterpiece. Musically, it's two levels above anybody and everybody else in the game.

Astroworld is one of the truly rare cases where something so mainstream with such a large mass appeal normally wouldn't be, and that alone makes it so worth the hype. Very rarely do you see an album so innovative and musically brilliant manage to break the top 10, let alone come out as the number one album of the year. Just like when Frank Ocean's Blonde was snubbed for its Grammy despite overwhelming success and critical acclaim, Astroworld too has been snubbed for its well-deserved Grammy over Drake's piss-poor, lukewarmly received Scorpion.

Songs like Skeletons, Astrothunder, and Can't Say shouldn't even be considered rap songs, because hip-hop is only a surface element here. A song like Sicko Mode, with three beat switch-ups, the first of which happens right as the song starts to take off before cutting itself short, with nothing resembling a hook or any traditional pop song structure, shouldn't even be the #1 radio hit that it is, but it just is. This is the rare example of something that in no way should be mainstream but is and 100% deserves to be. It's the kind of genius that can be appreciated on both the surfacelevel as a casual listener, but also for people have a finer knowledge of music to dive deeper in with.

In a world where each of the Migos, Lil Yachty, Drake, Tory Lanez, and RaeSremmurd are dropping 20+ song albums with almost all filler and little to no killer, it's a breath of fresh air to see an album as long as Astroworld filled with nothing but highlights.

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Tip Sheet For Protecting Your Online Security In The Present And 2030

By 2030 it will be increasingly easier to gain access to others social media platforms. It is important to know the steps to take to prevent this from happening. Here are 18 key ways to protect your social media now so in the future you will be more secure.

1. Close the accounts you are not using

Here’s what happens to your old, unused accounts on the web: They get hacked and sometimes they lead the way to the more valuable accounts that you really do care about, so it makes sense to keep the number of accounts you’re using down to a minimum. As an added bonus it means you’ve got fewer usernames and passwords to worry about.

2. Set up a password manager

Speaking of usernames and passwords, there are apps that can help out here. Not only do password managers like 1Password or LastPass manage all of your various login credentials for you, they can also generate ultra-secure passwords, saving you from having to remember lots of different ones or resorting to using the same one for everything.

3. Add two-factor verification

We’ve been banging the two-factor verification drum for a while now, and you can set it up on most online accounts, including ones for Apple, Google and Microsoft. It means even if someone gets ahold of your username and password, they won’t be able to log into your account on a new device without an extra code delivered over SMS or through an app. Which means they’ll need physical access to your devices.

4. Protect your password resets

How easy is it for someone to reset your passwords? If one of your email addresses gets compromised, your social networks could be next, but there are ways to stop this—like checking the Require personal information to reset my password tick box in Settings on Twitter (under the Account tab), and ensuring your “secret questions” are strong ones.

5. Check your account activity

Many of your online accounts let you check up on recent activity—you can head to this page for Facebook and this page for Google, for example—and it’s worth doing this regularly to make sure nothing seems amiss. You can typically log out of all sessions but the current one, and revoke account authorizations for any devices you don’t recognize.

6. Delete third-party account connections

There’s nothing inherently wrong with letting other apps and services connect to your Facebook and Twitter, but you should keep these connections to a minimum and remove any you’re not using, to block off any potential avenues for hackers to use. You can easily manage your connected apps online for your Google, Twitter and Facebook accounts.

7. Keep your software updated

Many a vulnerability comes through outdated software, so you should always make sure your operating systems and browsers are right up to date to keep your computer secure and by extension the online accounts you access through them. Thankfully, most software packages now auto-update seamlessly enough, so it’s not difficult to stay up to date.

8. Trust no one

You’ll hear this mantra a lot if you watch X-Files, and it’s one you should repeat to yourself whenever you receive an email or social media message with dubious contents. Beware of following links without any context and be aware that phishing scams continue to get smarter and trickier to spot.

9. Get extra help

Unless you install something really sketchy and terrible, antivirus programs and other bits of security software can’t do any harm and may well do a lot of good—like guarding against the phishing attacks we’ve just mentioned. There are plenty of good free and paid-for security packages out there for whatever devices you happen to be using.

10. Specify your trusted contacts

If someone should boot you out of your Facebook account, you can get your friends to let you back in, as long as you tell Facebook who you trust beforehand—go to Security in Settings to set this up. It’s simple but effective: Facebook sends your friends one-off codes you can use to regain access, codes which they’re told to only pass on to you.

11. Change your passwords regularly

If you’ve got a password manager set up (see above) then this might be taken care of for you but whatever your situation you should be changing your passwords on a regular basis, and we do mean all of them. You’ve then got much less to worry about should a big batch of them become available to hackers, because you’ll likely have changed yours.

12. Use a secret email address

If someone knows your email address, they’re halfway to knowing how to log into your accounts—and these days it’s not that difficult to find out someone’s email address. Setting up a private email address (that doesn’t really relate to your name) solely for logging into your social media accounts is another way of keeping them more secure.

13. Do you know where your phone is?

Our mobile phones are gateways to many an online account so you need to keep them well protected. That involves both setting up remote wipe capabilities for if your device gets lost (see the instructions for iOS and Android), and making sure your devices are completely and securely wiped should you be selling them or passing them on.

14. Stay informed

One of the easiest but most effective ways of keeping your accounts secure is just to keep up with the tech news—something we can help with. If you know about the latest threats and breaches, and how to deal with them, you won’t be caught out. Of course, keeping your active accounts down to a minimum (see the first point) is going to help here too.

15. Install a VPN

We’ve written before about staying safe on public Wi-Fi and if you spend a lot of time in coffee shops or at hotels then the investment in a solid VPN application is well worth it. As well as letting you spoof your location if you need to, it also adds an extra layer of security to the data you’re sending and receiving, making it harder for anyone else to listen in.

16. Add PIN code protection

A PIN code or password login on your phone or laptop is all that stands in the way of passing strangers and your online accounts, so make sure there’s one in place. Whether your devices offer password protection, or fingerprint ID sensing, or facial recognition, or iris scanning, make sure there’s something there that stops other people from logging in.

17. Keep your accounts to yourself

On a related note, it’s well worth setting up your own account on your computer or your browser or your tablet to keep other people away from your important accounts. We’re not saying your toddler or your housemate is actively trying to hack into your Facebook but from a security perspective, it’s always best to limit access as much as possible.

18. Watch what you share online

Your accounts are only as secure as the weakest links protecting them—and those links often involve someone impersonating you. Make sure personal details that can be used to verify your identity, like your home address, your birthday, or even what soccer team you support (is that your “secret security question”?) aren’t all over your social media profiles.

(Fieldguide.gizmodo.com, 2017)

I found this tip sheet to be so helpful. I learned a few extra tips that I did not know before. This is incredibly important to know and to keep up with especially with the way technology is going towards in the future. These tips will be great in the present and great to use in 2030.

By: Adrianna Dick

Fieldguide.gizmodo.com. (2017). [online] Available at: https://fieldguide.gizmodo.com/18-ways-to-make-your-online-accounts-more-secure-1793250264 [Accessed 22 Apr. 2018].

#2030 #securityin2030 #tipsheet #tipsheet2030

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