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iamshwee · 3 years

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SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide

I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

II. What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self.

Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.”

This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

III. What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves.

Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow.

There are no exceptions here.

The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.

This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self.

Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

· “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

· “I have never strayed.”

· “God is proud of me.”

· “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

· “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

· “I’m a role model.”

· “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

· “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.

V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:

“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

VI. What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom.

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

· Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

· Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

· Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

· Emotional and mental manipulation of others

· Greed and addictions

· Phobias and obsessive compulsions

· Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

· Intense anxiety

· Chronic psychosomatic illness

· Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

· Sexual perversion

· Narcissistically inflated ego

· Chaotic relationships with others

· Self-loathing

· Self-absorption

· Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.

VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.

Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1. Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2. Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

3. More confidence to be your authentic self

4. More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5. Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike

6. Enhanced creativity

7. Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8. Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

9. Improved physical and mental health

10. More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11. Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12. A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

· Have you practiced self-love yet?

o If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

· Are you prepared to make time?

o Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

· Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth?

o As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

· Seek to enter a calm and neutral space.

o It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

· Understand that you are not your thoughts.

o You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

· Practice self-compassion.

o It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

· Record everything you find.

o Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

XI. How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself. Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self. His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness. If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature. Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

· The Sorcerer/Alchemist

· The Dictator

· The Victim

· The Shadow Witch

· The Addict

· The Idiot

· The Trickster

· The Destroyer

· The Slave

· The Shadow Mother

· The Hag

· The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1. The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2. The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3. The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4. The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5. The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6. The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7. The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8. The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9. The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10. The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11. The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12. The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13. The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

XII. Shadow Work Q&A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

How to do shadow work?

There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.

XIII. Shadow Self -Test

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/

As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy

“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”

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twilight-town-zombies · 4 years

Note

For the ship thing. Axel and Isa. Somebodies and Hot Topic where it would differ

How do much do I ship it?: Never heard of it/ Notp / Dislike / used to ship / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / IS IT CANON YET?

2. What non sexual activities do they like to do together?

Somebodies:

When they were kiddos, Lea and Isa spent a lot of time outside of academy hours roaming around the city and trying to sneak into places they weren’t supposed to (Their loftiest goals being the clock tower and castle). They considered this more their ‘job’ than anything, though.

For fun, they played a lot of frisbee and tag with the other local hooligans or just with each other, which Isa preferred. They would read books and comics together late at night when Lea would sneak over to Isa’s house and often reenacted these and the stories their fathers told them on the beach or in the town square.

Sometimes Isa’s father would take them both out in his fishing boat. Isa would help, and Lea would also ‘help,’ which often involved fumbling bait and fish over the side. Other days, one of the bartenders, cooks, or servers at the Lea’s parent’s pub would take them under their wing for an evening and let them help add spices to dishes or collect bottle caps off the floor or wash tables, which would last until one of the customer’s complained or Lea’s parents caught sight of them and kicked them out.

In Somebodies, as young twenty-somethings, they spend most of their free time focusing on academy training and school, especially with Isa trying to steer Lea away from his delinquent friends and tendencies. Isa’s much more studious than Lea and helps him relearn material that he was too distracted to learn in class, and convinces him to take time to sit and focus on completing homework and readings.

They love to spar and work out together on a regular basis and often give each other advice or teach each other new techniques. They’re both competitive and have some unchecked aggression, so sparring is a good outlet, and it teaches them to give their all, while maintaining self-control, because they don’t want to hurt each other much, although a few bangs and bruises have always been forgivable, and they give each other a fair amount of medical care as well.

In their free time, Lea and Isa enjoy taking their dog Neptune on walks in the park or along the beach, going sailing, and playing frisbee for old time’s sake.

Some nights Lea helps Isa babysit his sisters and entertains them with wild anecdotes. They both appreciate how gentle each other can be with kids and animals. Other nights, Isa visits Lea while he’s bartending, and when Lea has time, they tell each other stories about their day, reminiscence and try to make each other laugh.

Hot Topic:

Axel and Saix have embraced island life in a big way. Whenever they can get away from work, they spend their free time on the beach, going on long walks or jogs, or surfing and playing frisbee or soccer with Xigbar and Demyx. (They played soccer together in high school for a while.) They enjoy being active and getting fresh air, and it’s been helpful for Saix’s mental health. They often go to the gym together, spot each other and give each other advice and encouragement.

When they need a night in, they enjoy cooking together and then Netflix and cuddle. Sometimes they watch terrible shows just to amuse each other making snide comments. They’re also very good at spending down time together, with Saix reading and Axel sketching tattoo designs, either on paper or on Saix’s skin.

When they want to go out, sometimes the pair of them will go to a club to dance and hang out exclusively with themselves (because if Saix loses sight of Axel for two seconds he will jump to conclusions and freak the fuck out). Though they don’t have a lot of time for it, they enjoy shopping for clothes together and have been known to spend literal hours in the fitting room, making each other try on a hundred different things.

(God, this is long. I will try to be shorter)

3. Who does chores around the house?

I would say in both stories, they try to split chore responsibilities evenly, because Isa doesn’t let Lea slack. Having a clean and organized house is incredibly important to Isa/Saix because it gives him a sense of security and control over his life. Lea/Axel is not a naturally neat person, and doesn’t entirely understand, but he recognizes how important it is to his boyfriend and tries to take his responsibilities seriously. HT Saix is a little more extreme with his organization than Isa is, (I think I mentioned an alphabetical spice rack?) so Axel has a harder time of it. Every now and then, Lea/Axel will get tired and forget to do something or leave his things lying around. Isa is more likely to shake his head and do it for Lea, while Saix is more likely to give Axel a lecture about his laziness.

4. Who’s the better cook?

Somebodies: Lea. He grew up watching cooks in his dad’s bar, he works in a pub, and he’s had to make a lot of his own food because his parents are pretty negligent. Also, he enjoys cooking and loves to try exotic foods, probably because there wasn’t always enough to go around and he occasionally had to accept food from whoever would give it to him. Isa’s mother does a lot of the cooking in his family and keeps recipes pretty simple. His father’s a fisherman so there’s a lot of seafood and bread, which are pretty much the only thing Isa feels comfortable making well. He tends to prioritize school over learning to cook and sometimes forgets to eat if Lea doesn’t remind him.

Hot Topic: Saix. Under the advice of his therapist, Saix tries to embrace the healthy body, healthy mind lifestyle and spends a lot of time learning to make healthy and delicious foods. He’s thinking about going vegan. He approaches cooking like something to be studied and perfected. Axel can cook fairly well too, and sometimes they cook together, though Saix can be bossy in the kitchen. Axel can’t entirely blame him though. Axel is more about tastiness than healthiness and tends to burn things or make them too salty or spicy.

5. Who’s the funniest drunk?

The funniest would probably be Lea/Axel when he’s a little buzzed, but mostly just up to his normal antics.

When Isa/Saix is drunk and in a good mood, he gets very affectionate and clingy with Lea/Axel and forgets to care how much he dislikes/is cautious of PDA, which their friends find both funny and a little sad. If he’s tired or stressed he tends to get broody and quiet, Isa more likely to get depressed or opinionated, Saix more likely to be jealous or hostile.

While Lea/Axel is funnier in general, and he’s more likely to make people laugh with his sense of humor, getting drunk actually tends to make him less funny, because he’s more likely to make jokes that are a little crueler, more personal, less tasteful, which he otherwise would have kept to himself, and Isa/Saix is less likely to keep him in check and more likely to get pissed about it.

6. Do they have kids?

Somebodies: No, just a dog that they are very devoted to. Lea and Isa would have liked to have adopted a kid or two in the future.

Hot Topic: No. They’ve been on and off again enough that the topic of having kids is kind of a vague and distant concept in their minds at this point in time. Saix especially wants to focus on getting himself into a better place before he even considers the idea. Axel prefers to hang out with other people’s kids so he can give them back after. He sometimes baby-sits his friend David’s niece, Lilo. He’s a little afraid he’d mess his own kids up.

7. Do they have any traditions?

Somebodies: They used to meet at the fountain in the local square to walk to school together every day. Even after their fake public break up, they still get together on special occasions, like birthdays, holidays, and graduations, and spend the whole day together, and they usually meet up in that same spot.

Hot Topic: Both Axel and Saix did not have great home lives growing up, so rather than going home for the holidays, they spend them together making their own traditions, inviting their friends over, or if they’re really just not in the mood, making them as low key as possible. They only decorate for Halloween. They are an order take-out on Christmas kind of couple. Although they would probably go surfing before-hand. Attempts to break from these into a more traditional holiday tends to cause discord.

8. What do they fight about?

Somebodies: Mainly, Lea’s bad habits, smoking, stealing that sort of deal. He has some friends like Elrena that poverty has pushed toward the criminal side, of life and Isa wants him to be successful. Every so often, they’ll fight about the uncertainty of their future. Lea wants to be on the Castle Guard, and Isa’s also considering it, but guards aren’t supposed to be in relationships, and they don’t actually have a plan to deal with that, nor are they able to sit down and talk about it without emotions running high.

Hot Topic: Commitment. Lea’s a bit of a flirt, and Isa’s childhood abuse has left him with an extreme sense of insecurity that manifests in his jealousy. So, Isa’s constantly questioning Lea’s commitment to him and relationships with other men and keeping tabs on him, and Lea’s questioning why the other areas of Isa’s life seem to be improving, but not Isa’s ability to let Lea be himself, spend time by himself, and make new friends.

9. What would they do if they found their pairing tag on tumblr? (If they have one)

Somebodies: Isa and Lea would be incredibly concerned with the extreme personality changes and murder they see in their futures. (And how the hell does that lead to domestic life with two teenagers? Or are they adults? Or are they preschoolers? Isa and Lea are barely not teenagers themselves, and are not feeling ready for this.)

Hot Topic: Saix is Concerned. Axel loves the murder and intrigue, he’s definitely going to spend hours clicking through fanart and fics and showing Saix highlights.

10. Who cried at the end of Marley and me?

(I’ve never seen Marley & Me, I’m just going to assume a very cute dog dies)

Somebodies: Isa’s reading Marley & Me out loud to Lea, who’s lounging on the floor in front of the fireplace, hugging Neptune. Lea’s eyes start getting misty and Isa’s voice breaks. Lea brings Neptune over to Isa, who is not full on crying, but maybe about to be. Group hug and they decide to take a break from the book and take Neptune outside to play for a while.

Hot Topic: Axel starts bitching about the ending as soon as he realizes what’s happening, but he gets quieter and quieter as the story plays out. Saix is holding him and rubbing his back and Axel thinks he’s doing okay and then abruptly Saix starts straight up sobbing into Axel’s shoulder, and Axel hushes and quiets him, and they make plans to go adopt a puppy the next day.

11. Who always wins at Mario kart?

Both: Axel is much more into video games than Saix is but Saix somehow always comes up from behind at the last minute and beats him in Mario Kart, no matter how many times they play.

12. One thing I like about this ship?

I love their history. They grew up together and know each other inside and out and have stood by each other through whatever life’s thrown at them. I like their personalities. I see them as two people with wildly different personalities who, nonetheless both understand and value the other person for and in spite of those differences. I like that they are both strong, loyal, and dedicated to what they believe in and care about to the point where they stand by each other when they lose their hearts and straight up commit murder because they want to be able to feel love for each other again. That’s fucking hard core. Oh that was like five things. Whoops.

13. One thing I don’t like about the ship?

Controversial take, I know, but I’m a huge Axel/Roxas fan, so I kind of prefer to see Lea/Isa and Axel/Saix as past tense, a couple that broke up because life threw too much at them and they betrayed each other, but have happily moved on and still mean the world to each other, just in a different way.

Sea Salt Fam: I don’t like that they’ve somehow become the Dads of the group? I always imagined them in their early twenties--at most--just a few years older than the rest of the group, so seeing them put in these parent roles, for Roxas and Xion, who tend to get treated like young children, (Daddy, braid my hair and read me a story is, like, not something any teenager has ever said), kind of weirds me out.

14. The song I would say fits them?

Somebodies: Mars (Sleeping at Last)

Hot Topic: Kills You Slowly (The Chainsmokers)

15. Another headcanon about the pairing? (Free space)

Somebodies: Isa and Lea have never officially told anyone in their families that they’re romantically involved, because they’re not supposed to be, but they are all perfectly well aware, and do not believe for a second that they broke up.

Hot Topic: Saix is hugely in love with Axel’s voice and guitar-playing, and even though seeing him at the front of a band makes him incredibly uncomfortable and Demyx drives Saix crazy, he’s trying really hard to be supportive of the whole endeavor and listens to the band’s EP on a regular basis.

#asks #kingdom hearts #saix #axel #lea #isa #akusai #leaisa #my writing #somebodies #the other day at hot topic #akuroku #twilight town zombies #adult language

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mxltifaves · 4 years

Text

The Story of Lizzie Salvatore Chapter 3

When we’re young we’re taught the distinction between a hero and a villain, good and evil, a savior and a lost cause. But what if the only real difference is just who’s telling the story? My name is Elizabeth Salvatore, when I was younger my parents Stefan and Caroline Salvatore opened this school to train and protect the new generation of supernaturals. The school behinds these gates protect the secrets of people like me. And tonight, under the light of the full moon, we will be opening our doors to someone new.

Her parents were currently on a mission to bring in a newly turned werewolf. She wanted to go with them but they had told her that she had to stay back. They did take Hope Mikaelson, she always hated that her parents chose Hope over her. She had gotten a text from her mom saying that they were on their way back. She also said to get Josie because they were giving a tour to the new student. She actually didn’t mind giving tours she got a chance to see if someone piqued her interest. She was in her room when she heard her a car pulling up to the front of the school. She quickly called Josie and made her way to greet the new students. When they got to the driveway, her parents, Hope and two new students got out of the car.

“Welcome to The Salvatore School. We’re your tour guides. I’m Lizzie, and this is Josie.” Lizzie said to the boys.

“Rafael why don’t you go ahead with the girls, while we talk to Landon,” Stefan said. The girls grabbed Rafael by one arm and started walking with him to show him around the school.

“Morning Hope,” Lizzie and Josie said

“Morning girls,” Hope said back

“More like despair,” Lizzie whispered into Rafael’s ear

“I heard that,” Hope said

“No, you didn’t,” Lizzie said back

“Didn’t have too,” Hope responded

“Elizabeth, behave,” Caroline said

“Love you, mom,” Lizzie said. The three of them made their way inside the school, to start the tour.

“Everybody gets along with everybody here, for the most part,” Josie said

“The wolves are pretty cliquey, they like to hang with their own,” Lizzie said

“In defiance of the school’s commitment of inclusiveness,” Josie said

“That is why we are giving you your tour. To give you a good witch/vampire welcome. Before your harrier brethren corrupt you.” Lizzie said smiling

“That is our librarian Mr. Williams. He’s subbing for our Chemistry of Magic teacher who accidentally incinerated himself.” Josie said pointing to one of the classrooms. Dorian was teaching them the values of pronunciation during spells.

“Come on we’ll show you the turret. It’s where the seniors go and smoke.” Lizzie said

“What do they smoke, eye of newt?” Rafael asked chuckling to himself.

“Weed,” Josie said simply at him. They walked around the school showing Rafael different parts of the school. They eventually made it to the field, where some of the students were playing.

“It’s called wickery. My parents invented it when I was ten. Their version is a little bit less aggressive than ours.” Lizzie said as Josie made his way to MG who was sitting on the bleachers.

“Giving up dibs on the new guy already?” MG said to Josie who was sitting next to him.

“It’s not a competition, plus I’m still nursing a wounded soul,” Josie said, she knew that Lizzie always had dibs on the new guys. Lizzie has been her best friend since they were four years old and nothing was getting in the way of that.

“Oh yea, Penelope Park,” MG said

“We don’t mention her name anymore remember?” Josie said looking at MG and he nodded in agreement

“Do you think he’ll go for her?” MG said. Ever since meeting Lizzie, he has had a crush on her, but she never saw him as more than a friend.

“Probably, they usually do,” Josie said looking at Rafael and Lizzie.

Lizzie didn’t know what to say to Rafael. She was impulsive so the first thing that popped in her head was what came out of her mouth.

“I heard about what happened with your girlfriend, I’m sorry about, what happened,” Lizzie said

“Thanks, I guess,” Rafael said, taken aback by the topic of his dead girlfriend.

“On the plus side, we’re all happy your single,” Lizzie said realizing she had said that out loud.

“Oh, god. That was my inside voice. I am so sorry. Guys like you make me nervous,” Lizzie said nervously

“Guys like me?” Rafael asked confused.

“Hot, angry, damaged,” Lizzie said

“Yeah well, I sorta made a point in my life of, uh, keeping clear of girls like you. So I guess, I’m going to go find Landon.” Rafael said getting up and leaving. Lizzie felt tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. She always said the wrong things.

The Docks

Stefan and Hope were at the docks training. Ever since Hope lost both of her parents Stefan tried to help let her anger out. She blamed herself for their deaths, and she was angry most of the time isolating herself from anyone. They were arguing about what he did to Landon. He had to lock him in the cellar because when they tried to compel him to forget the secrets of the school, but it didn’t work.

“You and Landon have a thing or something?” Stefan asked putting his hands up

“I don’t have things,” Hope said punching his hands

“Yes, I’m well aware of your quest to avoid all emotional intimacy. There was obviously something.” Stefan said

“I liked him. He’s normal.” Hope said

“Well let’s keep him that way. We survive here because we follow the rules. We can’t get sloppy about it,” Stefan said catching her hand before it could hit him.

“You and Caroline are the ones that are always telling me that I need to get out more,” Hope said grabbing a bottle of water.

“We tell you that you need to stop locking yourself in your dorm room and binge-watching Cutthroat Kitchen. I don’t tell you to go and fraternize with the locals.” Stefan said

“You know you can just be my headmaster, everything else isn’t in the job description,” Hope said

“Attempt to make an actual friend here and we’ll revaluate this relationship,” Stefan said.

“Mr. Salvatore? Clean up on aisle L” Josie said interrupting. Stefan knew what she meant. Lizzie was having one of her episodes. He made his way back inside to the kitchen to check up on Lizzie.

All Lizzie felt was anger boiling inside her. After what Rafael had said to her she felt a rage attack coming on, she went to the kitchen and let her anger out. She started screaming and using her magic to break anything that was in her path, plates crashed on the floor. It wasn’t a healthy way to let out her anger but it worked for her. She threw a kitchen knife across the room and into the door, then threw another knife but this one was headed for her father who was just entering the room, she was able to stop it before it hit him.

“Hi daddy,” Lizzie said putting her head down.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” Stefan said

“Everythings wrong,” Lizzie said

“Come one let’s got to your room, I’m going to help you clear your mind,” Stefan said, they made their way to Lizzie bedroom. After years of dealing with her episodes, Stefan had practice on how to calm her down. He grabbed a bowl that was used for meditation.

“Breath,” Stefan said, eyes closed, as he hit the edge of the bowl with his ring.

“Dad this is lame,” Lizzie said not wanting to it.

“Humor me,” Stefan said

“You know I could just whip up a remedy using herbs from the bio lab,” Lizzie said

“No, no magic. Your magic gets you into these things and I was your mind to get you out of them.” Stefan said Lizzie nodded in agreement.

“Dad, do you think I’m broken?” she asked

“Of course not, I think that with being a vampire and a witch it requires a lot of control, control you’re still learning,” Stefan said

“I just don’t ever want to hurt anyone,” Lizzie said softly

“I know that honey. That’s why your mother and I opened this school, to learn control, which is why I’m here now okay?” Stefan said

“I’m surprised that you have time, what with all of the private training lessons you’ve been doing with Hope Mikaelson,” Lizzie responded

“Maybe if you made friends, we could have a group training,” Stefan said

“I tried to be her friends, when I was 5, then when I was 9, and then again when I was 13. She never makes any effort.” Lizzie said

“She has lost a lot and you know that,” Stefan said

“Boo-hoo, everyone here has lost something, she doesn’t hold the patent for it,” Lizzie said

“Breath, breath,” Stefan said trying to get back to what they were doing. But once again they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Lizzie said, the door opened and it was Hope

“Speak of the actual devil,” she said softly

“Sorry to interrupt. Um...I’m feeling kinda restless, I kinda need a release,” Hope said

“Uh.. back acres, and stay away from the old mill. Heathens are having a party that Caroline is planning on busting in ten minutes.” Stefan said, Hope, nodded and left.

“I’m missing a party?” Lizzie asked in disbelief

Next Morning

Stefan had asked MG to compel Landon once again since it didn’t work the first time. They thought he had forgotten everything he saw but he hadn’t. In fact, he stole a knife from the memorial library. They didn’t know the origin of the knife but they did know that it was dangerous. Everything in the Memorial library had a connection to the supernatural.

Hope had to find Landon, for the first time since her parents died she opened herself to someone and they turned out to be a liar. She went to go find Lizzie to ask her for a favor.

“Hey Lizzie, I need your help,” Hope said

“With what?” Lizzie asked

“I need to find Landon, but it requires some black magic, can you help?” Hope asked

“Why would I help you?” Lizzie responded

“Because if Landon exposes this school, it ruins everything you’re parents have been building here,” Hope said

“Fine, let’s do it. But if my parents find out we did black magic, you’ll pay.” Lizzie said. Hope gathered the things she needed for the spell, they held hands and started performing the spell. “I got it, route 29,” Lizzie said

“Near the state line,” said Hope. All they saw was flashes of different things, but then they saw Landon holding the knife and it started to glow.

“For ten years we’ve gone undetected. Protecting you, protecting our secret has been our singular mission. Tonight I need your help to find Landon Kirby before he exposes us all.”

#Legacies #fanfic #lizzie saltzman #lizzie x sebastian #stefan salvatore #caroline forbes #josie saltzman #hope mikaelson #Steroline

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tiny-trex5 · 5 years

Text

Ah 1987...what a year

The Reagan administration coined the phrase ”this is your brain on drugs”

Gorbachev ”tore down the wall”

Water beds made up 22 percent of all mattress sales

The competitive world of party games changed with the invention of Jenga

Prozac hit pharmacies everywhere

Bill Cosby had a flawless reputation and the number one show

Cocaine was cool

But maybe the best thing to come out of 1987 was me. On a rainy Wednesday in early November I made my debut appearance into this world. According to my mom, I came in a bit hastily. Quickly, aggressively and without warning. This was definitely foreshadowing for the rest of my life.

As I sit here seven days out from my 32nd year, Running through my life memories, lessons, hardships and accomplishments I can't help but feel contemplative.

So naturally, like any elder millennial I turned to my trusty old friend the Internet for answers about life. After an exhaustive google search about what happens when you turn 32, I came up with nothing but comprehensive lists about 32 things to do before 32. Cute lists, thorough lists, lists that would make Oprah Whinfrey feel inadequate. Being comparative by nature I began measuring my own life achievements to those of these random internet drones.

I immediately felt contrition about how I have lived my life. How come I haven't traveled the globe or began training to climb Mount Everest? Why am I not married to my adorably ironic soulmate? I don't even eat a cruelty free vegan diet! The anxiety started to set in. Am I inferior because I don't have a college degree on my wall?

Luckily for me, I'm not one to wallow in my own self-loathing. For whatever reason I'm pretty self assured and I know who I am. I don't want to climb Mount Everest. That sounds awful. I would prefer to keep my fingers over losing them to frost bite.

. I've lived a messy life, I fall on my face a lot. I don't have a lot of tangible accomplishments. What I do have is a compassionate, humble, realistic, sometimes irreverent view of the world around me. So, instead of dwelling on what I haven't done I decided to make my own ”32” themed list.

32 years worth of random thoughts, musings and advice that has stuck in my head

32.) Empathy and sympathy are often confused but they are two very different things.

When someone is sympathetic to something it means they share the same feelings or have gone through the same thing. Sympathy can often be off-putting to the person on the receiving end. It can show up as ”one-upping” or trying to diminish someone's emotions about a certain situation. Empathy is when a person understands someone's emotions but doesn't necessarily share them. Empathy is a skill that needs to be practiced. It doesn't always come naturally to humans. It requires us to step outside of our own heads, ideas and opinions and really sit with someone in their pain. To truly be empathetic is a treasure and it will change the way you see the world.

31.) Human beings are resilient if they chose to be.

Humans are powerful. There is nothing in the world more motivating than watching another person come back from the bottom. I mean, did anyone else shed a tear when Tiger won the Masters?

30.) We are responsible for our reaction to life.

Bad things happen to good people. We are not responsible for (some) of the things that happen to us but we are responsible for our reaction to them.

29.) We create our experience.

If someone walks into work everyday and says to themselves it's going to be a miserable day...chances are it's going to be a miserable day.

28.) When something about another person really bothers us, most likely it's because we do the same thing.

Some shit is just annoying. Loud chewing, people who wear sunglasses inside etc...i'm not talking about that. I mean when someone has a behavior or character trait we can't stand it's because they are holding a symbolic mirror to us and something we don't like about ourselves. The first time I heard this I rolled my eyes. But then, I started to pay attention to when someone really got under my skin and low and behold this annoying piece of advice is true.

27.) Diet Coke is terrible for you and every time you drink one someone will let you know you're going to get cancer.

I drink a lot of diet coke. You know what else is terrible for you? Being judgemental.Leave me alone and drink your water.

26.) ”Regardless of the circumstances, You are completely capable of creating the life you want, so keep your head down and make your next move”-MHB

My dad told me that after I was fired from a career job. I will never, ever forget those words.

25.)A dysfunctional family is not a life sentence. Break your own cycle.

No one is perfect. You do better when you know better. A bad childhood can certainly affect our lives. Do whatever you need to do to heal from it, forgive the people involved and build a better life so history doesn't repeat itself.

24.) Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be.

Take time to reflect on your journey and how you got to whatever point you may be at. Learn from it, sit in it and appreciate how far you have come.

23.) Perfection is unattainable.

So stop striving for it. Strive to be healthy, strive to be comfortable in your own skin. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. find peace with who you already are and then make goals.

22.) it's okay to like things about yourself.

Women especially are terrible at accepting compliments. We tend to downplay them. It doesn't make you stuck up to enjoy parts of yourself.

21.) ”Always protect the friendship”-MHB

This is another gem from my dad. In a romantic relationship always, always protect the friendship you have with your partner. That is what will carry you through the bad times. Even if it doesn't work out.

20.) The best cat to own is one that doesn't use a litter box

Albert, you're the real MVP. Miss you.

19.) Time is a master healer.

Sometimes the only answer to great pain is time. Time softens the blow and cools the burn that grief brings to our lives. It has a magical way of erasing bad memories and replacing them with fondness.

18.) Love hard.

Tell people how you truly feel about them. Even if it leads to rejection. Don't punish new relationships because of things someone in your past did.

17.) Love and Attachment are two very different things.

Read that again. Attachment is unhealthy. It's an enmeshed relationship that will never meet your emotional needs and it ends in resentment.

16.) We are all born inherently good

The issue is that we were given free will. Use it wisely.

15.) Invest in a pair of black boots and a long cardigan

They look good with every thing

14.) Everyone owns a coordinating sweat suit

For the love of God do not wear it to the airport.

13.) No human can love you enough if you don't love yourself

You cannot expect someone to save you. It's not fair. If you don't love yourself there isn't enough human power on earth that will fill that void. Not a partner, not a child, not a parent. Trust me, I've tried.If you hate yourself deep down you don't believe that another human can love you. It leaves you wanting constant reassurance which is exhausting for the other person. Self-loathing cannot be fixed by external validation.

12.) Nobody ever wakes up after a night of staying sober wishing they would have had a drink.

Facts.

11.) Your job title is not your identity.

It's amazing to have a career that you are passionate about. Build a full life, so that if God forbid that job goes away you still know who you are.

10.) Be comfortable going to a restaurant to eat alone

It's always awkward the first-time. It is a huge self esteem boost to feel comfortable being with yourself.

9.) Take a lot of pictures.

Not selfies (those are great too). Take candid pictures. It gives you physical evidence of times in your life.

8.) Find a perfume and stick with it.

Human Beings will always remember how you smell. Make it a good one.

7.) Give genuine compliments.

Genuine is the key word here. If someone looks especially radiant, or has on a great outfit, tell them. You never know who needs to hear something

6.) Experiment with your look until you find your signature style.

Dress in a way that makes you feel good. It helps you carry yourself with confidence. I love clothes, they are my passion. I love when women find their own style and embrace it. Trends are great, but you don't have to follow them to a t. Unless that's your thing. Play with your clothes, it's fun.

5.) Write handwritten notes.

I love to write so this is important to me. It's always so meaningful to receive something handwritten.

4.) Be assertive, not aggressive.

Advocate for yourself and hold your ground, don't bully or instill fear in others to get your point across. No one will ever take you seriously if you just get angry and explode.

3.) Real growth starts when you get tired of your own shit.

I can personally attest to this. Nothing and I mean nothing motivates change like really stepping back and realizing your behavior is why and how you've gotten to the point in your life that you are at. Realizing that the same shitty coping mechanisms you have used your whole life may not be serving you anymore. My mom once said to me ”you complain that all these bad things keep happening to you, but what is the common denominator?” Me. I am the common denominator.

2.) It's okay to need help.

We can't always fix everything ourselves. The reason therapeutic environments exist is because there is a need. Whatever help may look like for you, it's okay to reach out and take it. For me, it came in the form of rehab. Not once, but a few times. I have a drinking problem and an eating disorder that I can't just will myself through. I need help. And that's okay. By taking help and services I found a community of people that are just like me. I found a place I belong and a safe area to walk through my issues. I have support and a network that pulls me through my darkest days.

Regret and shame will keep you sick.

This is a very emotional one for me. I have a crushing amount of regret about how I have shown up as a mother. It haunts me every moment of everyday. I have made a lot of mistakes. Living in shame has kept me in pain. It has kept me distant and in hiding. Regret has told me ”your daughter is better off without you”. And I listened. I built an emotional wall so high that now I don't know how to tear it down. Hiding in my shame has created mountains of problems that wouldn't be problems if I just would have faced my own situation. I don't know how to overcome these obstacles. I do know I love my child with every ounce of my soul. My fear is that she doesn't know that. So it's time to do things differently. To step into the light and heal not hide from choices I've made.

As I approach this new year of my life I won't feel bad for myself. No, I'm not where I thought I would be at 32 but I'm right where I need to be. And maybe that's the best place for me.

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gg-astrology · 6 years

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APINK: Sun and Moon (Brief)

💞Hello! I wanted to get this out bc I just watched APINK’s ‘I’m so sick’ MV and I am so absolutely happy the queens came back!! It’s been too long since I’ve seen their faces 💞

💕disclaimer: i’m no expert on astrology but these are my interpretations of the signs and how they’re working based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and studies in astrology, all interpretation and experiences within the realm is valid. However feel free to make your own post or skip if you strongly disagree. There might be inaccuracy and difference in opinions. But the point of this post is to relate, entertain and have a fun time. I’m hoping to validate people with similar experiences and get people excited about the girls+ astrology. Also, since we don’t know most of their birth times, I’m using the standard 12.00pm💕

Park Chorong

March 3, 1991 - (Chungcheongbuk-do, South Korea) Pisces Sun/Libra Moon

Our ‘country girl’ leader 💕

She has such a lovely harmonious sun/moon aura about her

With Pisces Sun natives, they often come across as a little more dreamy and whimsical than any other sign out there.

There’s a softness to their face and general aura that appeals others to them, combined with her Libra moon, her ‘harmonious’ quality is amplified and enhances her beauty into looking very ‘traditionally pretty’ which benefits her greatly in landing many lead roles in MV and acting drama roles.

Pisces sun natives are very adaptable, they’re often very open-mind and have a soft sensitive side to them. Sometimes it’s detrimental since it makes them more prone to crying in unexpected situation.

Since her Pisces sun is in 2nd Decan ruled by the Moon/Cancer- she is very in-tune to other people’s emotions and often absorbs them into herself, this is part of Pisces self-suffering nature and a habit they have to relearn not to do.

Her emotionally intuitive ability is also another factor why she’d landed so many roles, Pisces/Cancer combination allows her to often feel/empathize with her characters/roles and often-- embodies it while playing the scene.

Pisces natives are adept at self-expression, artistry and bringing imagination to reality. They’re often artists or performers of some kind, since they’re traditionally ruled by Neptune and they weave between the realms of imagination and reality more freely than any other signs.

Often times they’re very compassionate and sympathetic of others around them, they have a deep love for humanity but this can also turn into an unsatisfied yearning for love from the world as well.

It all hangs onto a balance for Pisces sun natives, especially with her Libra moon combination. In order to gain some resemblance of control over her life, she has to learn how to do this healthily.

With a Libra Moon, there’s a strong need for mental stimuli and intimacy, but at the same time independence and freedom. Since her Libra moon is in 2nd decan ruled by Uranus/Aquarius, her need for partnership in her life to enrich her emotional satisfaction is kept in a restricted balance for her need for independence and partnership as well.

She might typically restrain herself from being ‘too romantic’ or ‘too overly attached’ to others because of Aquarius’s influence, often preferring a partnership that might start off a bit cooler and more cautious at first, but she does expect some romantic gestures and to be treated romantically at the same time.

Often times, people with Libra moon might not say what they want or how they feel, but they would expect their partner to know through telepathy/pay attention to them. This can be a problem since they’re not communicating well enough. And other people can’t understand what they want sometimes. They have to learn how to verbalize their need and not feel personally offended when someone doesn’t understand where they’re coming from.

Chorong with her ego/sense of self (Pisces Sun/Cancer Decan) and her emotions (Libra Moon/Aquarius Decan) might tend to swap these two placements. Since air-moon can be harder to deal with on an emotional level, and her sun is influenced by Cancer/Moon-- she might’ve confused her ego/sense (Sun) of self for her emotions, and her emotional response (Libra) for her sense of self sometimes.

Be sure to really scrutinize this inside of herself and work to try and separate the two, because it might’ve benefit her short-term, but long-term it can lead to her lashing out to people for not understanding her when she doesn’t even understand herself. She can easily lose her sense of self this way, especially if she feels like she’s emotionally dissatisfied with something no matter what she does about it.

Having a Libra moon can be very beneficial for someone, especially in an artistry career. Since Libra is ruled by Venus, people with Libra moon has a keen sense and intuition for aesthetic and harmonious quality in their environment. They won’t stop until everything is to their satisfaction or ‘feels right’ for them-- they’re adept home makers and workers in fields such as design, fine art, make up artistry, culinary etc.

Yoon Bomi August 13 1993 (Suwon, South Korea) Leo Sun/Gemini Moon

Our mood maker Bomi, it’s no wonder she’s the mood maker with this placement!

With a Sun in Leo and Moon in Gemini there’s a need for performance and self-expression in entertaining people. There’s also a sense of accomplishment in connecting to others around her and learning/striving to grow bigger through her network and performances.

Leo Sun natives can be shy, but there’s a sense of honorability to them that’s ingrained in their self-confidence. They sway people through just being themselves, and often people look up to them and respect them for standing up for themselves/others no matter the circumstances.

Bomi’s Leo Sun is particularly fiery considering it’s co-ruled by Mars/Aries. Unlike typical Leo Sun natives, Bomi’s much quicker to react to situation and often uses her influences to help those around her as well. If something is not to her standard/wrong she’ll immediately bring it up to attention and confront the situation.

Aries decan doesn’t like leaving things to ‘later’ -- they’d rather confront it now and often instigate activities between people around them. They’re the type to see a messy situation and go ‘ok, let’s handle this’ and gather everyone around them to see how to solve the problem.

Especially with a Gemini moon co-ruled by Libra/Venus, there’s a love for harmony and team-work here. Bomi’s emotions depends on harmonious environment, if something is wrong like tension between the members or tension between the staff- she’s the type to gather everyone and try to listen to all sides to get the real story before solving it.

Gemini moons are communicative, and although they can have short attention span they are often very entertaining to be around. Combined with her Leo Sun who’s ego is fueled by being able to perform and express oneself on stage. Bomi can go very far in the variety field and I’m glad she got the opportunity to explore this route in her career.

Since her Moon is fueling her Sun, her ability to communicate rapidly with multiple groups of people and come across harmoniously (Venus influence) amplifies her self-confidence and sense of self-expression (Leo Sun) -- she can tend to be a bit more competitive because everything in her chart is so reactive.

When air fuels the fire, the flame rises higher until it burns something. Bomi has to watch out that her sense of self-confidence doesn’t switch from Leo/Sun to Mars/Aries and that she doesn’t overdo the very delicate balance between Venus/Mars she has going on right now since her emotional response/coming across well can’t save her every time when her sun is involved.

Gemini moons also have a sense of not exactly knowing who they are inside since they’re rapidly moving from one group to another all the time.

Their sense of emotions/self can be tied to their groups of friends and the ‘persona’ they project when in front of these friends. Although she has a pretty healthy Sun/Ego so she might know who she is, often she can change her temper/emotions from one group to another and others might feel that she doesn’t treat others equally sometimes.

It’s not a big deal, but she has to look out not to get defensive or aggressive when confronted/criticized for her integrity sometimes.

Sure, her Leo sun might save her but it’s her Gemini moon that’s causing the problem here. As long as she acknowledges this part inside of herself and tries to accept who she is inside whilst taking the criticism constructively, it’ll project outward in a calmer manner and she’ll stop ‘putting up faces’ in front of people all the time.

It’ll help lessen the load on herself and other’s alot, and it’ll allow her Venus-influence to work better for her as well.

Jung Hye Rim (Eunji) August 18 1993 (Busan, South Korea) Leo Sun/Leo Moon

Our Happy Virus whom we love uwu

She has an amazing Leo Sun AND Moon in 3rd Decan. God knows she probably fights with Bomi alot, since they’re so amazingly similar.

Since her Sun and Moon is ruled by Leo, her sense of self is exemplified, she feels the most comfortable on stage when she can perform and give it her best shot. Rather than just acting or varieties, Eunji truly loves performing and singing.

She’s highly competitive as well, since they’re co-ruled by Mars/Aries. There’s this childish energy about her that endears the other members to her, her sense of self is so expressive and full of confidence it’s impossible not to like her.

Since her sun is also in her moon, they’re intimately linked towards one another. Leo Moon can tend to be abit more reserved, and they show the lighter trait of Leo Suns.

They’re sensitive people, who often gets their feelings hurt when others close to them criticize their integrity and sense of self-expression. They just want to make other people happy, and when they can’t they’re much harder on themselves than they are on others.

Often prone to sulking or lashing out (Mars-influence) they’re often impatient people who would rather solve everything now rather than wait until later or give anyone the cold shoulder.

The really good thing about her is, she’s pretty straight forward. There’s no ulterior motives or dirty tricks with her, she gives it as it is and works hard to solve a situation. If she needs to do something, she’ll get it done.

Leos are hard worker, sure they like to play hard work hard, but ultimately they want recognition and joy through their endeavors. They want to share that joy with others around them, that’s why Eunji being able to perform on stage and succeeding as an idol is so so good to her.

It’s no wonder that she’s known as the Happy Virus because her Leos really do bring joy to others around her. She’s honorable, dependable and calming-- she won’t be prone to lashing out aggressively or hanging out with people who will ultimately deceive her.

Often times Leos have such a strong sense of honor and chivalry that it might intimidate those around them, sure they’re chill and very laid back to be around (all fire signs are) but they absolutely won’t stand for things they deem ‘bad’. If there’s a difference in opinion, they are extremely hard headed and often so self-assured they make the other person question themselves until they shift over to their side instead. (Fixed sign)

(her section is abit short because I’m saving up to do an overview on her later on! )

Son Naeun February 10, 1994 (Seoul, South Korea) Aquarius Sun/Aquarius Moon

Our Aquarius queen!

God her beauty is understated, even with all the gossip about plastic surgery going around, Naeun’s chart has always had that emphasis on Venusian quality tied to her sense of self, so whether she choose to do it or not, it’s completely benefiting her anyways and if it makes her feel more comfortable with herself? That’s great!

In fact let’s just chat about this controversy for a little bit. Naeun has her Aquarius sun in the 3rd decan which is ruled by Libra/Venus. Although she has a unique look about her, an independent and strong women who takes pride in her individuality and freedom of self-expression. She has a keen sense on style and aesthetic that fits her. She knows what’s good for her. And often times, it’s not going to follow the trend. If she did have plastic surgery, it would’ve been contemplated over many times. Because if there’s anything an Aquarius hates more than anything it’s following the trend and being stamped as looking the ‘same as everyone else’. Naeun choosing to do it, she would’ve had full control and artistic direction on what exactly she wants and how it’s going to enhance her. It would’ve been progressive, she took a trope of looking exactly alike and flipped it on it’s head. And the result? Well the public fucking loves it. No matter what kind of press is happening, Naeun’s decision (IF she did the plastic surgery at all-- which to be fair? it’s not a big deal?) ultimately resulted in multiple people falling head over heels for her. That’s some fucking strong Aquarius/Libra influence right there.

She knows herself so fucking well it’s amazing. Aquarius are progressive thinkers, and she shows this. Outdated ideas just doesn’t have a place in her life, and if she could have it her way, in no ones life at all.

She’s so freeing to be around because she just stick it to the patriarchy, personal or social conditioning is lost on her once she fully realized her Aquarius potential. She could be a beauty queen, but why would she put herself in the box when she can be so much more? Gosh, she’s part of the reason why Apink probably survived to this day honestly.

With her moon in observant, she’s really fucking smart. Especially since it’s working in tandem with Mercury/Gemini (2nd Decan) -- she can easily let her feelings/opinions be heard and accepted by a large variety of people.

Air moons needs a lot of mental stimuli, particularly inside of themselves (Aquarius Moon) and then from the people around them (Gemini Decan) it becomes a cycle that they use to inform their ideas. Instead of being more in-tune with her emotions, she tends to have a harder time even slowing down to think about how she feels at all.

Unlike Libra’s influence that often knows how they feel compared to Gemini/Aquarius counterpart, Naeun probably has to sit down and think about how she feels for a few days before she can even begin to properly form sentences to describe what it is she’s feeling if at all. It can be taxing for reactive signs like Eunji or emotional sign like Chorong to deal with this-- but since all the members have such strong Fire-Air going for them, it’s most likely that the mood of the team usually isn’t so dependent on heavier substantial emotional talks between the members.

It’s very action oriented, and socially oriented. She’s very good at getting people to help her or understand what she wants.

Naeun probably uses her Aquarius influence on alot of things, mostly Aquarius energy can be as determined as Eunji or Bomi. But unlike how competitive they are, Naeun’s Aquarius is so fixed and argumentative it probably won’t back down from an argument unless she really has to apologize.

Also Aquarians are so fucking intelligent. Naeun knowing Chinese and being able to land multiple roles in dramas and MVs isn’t a fluke or charm. It’s her intellect and coming across professionally (see: Hoseok, Seulgi).

She’s such a strong independent women inside, that people often underestimate her constantly. But she uses that vice to the best of her abilities and turn it around into being so impressed by her-- they had to hire her. She’s not a fool.

Kim Namjoo April 15, 1995 (Seoul, South Korea) Aries Sun/Libra Moon

My beautiful girl Namjoo 💞

God Namjoo calling herself ‘beyonce’ is such an Aries/Libra mood honestly.

Aries sun has this childish, youthful charm to them. They’re energizing to be around, even when they’re not doing anything at all. Often times they’re pretty laid back people around close friends/families, they love activities since it enriches their ego/life-- but they love doing activities with a group of close friends instead of larger associates.

Aries sun are so endearing because they’re so honest and forth-wright with you, if they think something is wrong they’ll say it. Often they’re very supportive and feels ‘fired up’ when they hear wrong-doings that happens to others around them.

Sure they can be abit ‘me’ centered, but it doesn’t harm anyone. In fact that’s how they come across as a bit ‘dramatic’ -- if you just let them be, they’ll eventually solve itself. With Namjoo being 2nd youngest, she probably takes this opportunity to use the ‘2nd youngest’ card on the unnies alot.

Namjoo’s Aries moon is tied to the 3rd decan which is ruled by Jupiter/Sagittarius. Most likely, her ‘tantrums’ have some limit to them. She can appear to be so wise and a stabilizing advice giver in private to the unnies.

Sagittarius influence makes the Aries energy calmer, it’s really good balance since Sagittarius are abit more introverted than Leos/Aries as well. She might be tired, a bit more light hearted, cracks jokes and enjoy calming time with the members alot more behind close doors.

Combined her Aries sun with her Libra moon, it’s no wonder she’s good at impersonation. Aries sun doesn’t have the same qualms or shyness that Leo possesses, they have no shame (Sagittarius decan) - in fact, her Libra moon is influenced by Aquarius which makes her want to stand out. Being able to do impersonations? No problems. Making a fool of herself? As long as it’s not at her expense (too badly) she’s fine with it too. She’s all in for the sake of entertainment, in and out of the industry honestly.

Having a Libra moon makes one really adaptable to others around them, honestly it’s kind of like Chorong but inverse? She’s sometimes confused about what she wants but she won’t push it on others. Outwardly she’s sure, calm and confident. She takes pride on her intellect and she’s not afraid to show it off (being more fluent in Chinese than even Naeun) but inside she might be abit more unsure of who she really is. Often times she’s most comfortable when someone is with her, likes hanging out in groups or other people-- her Sun is so healthy it balances her out pretty well.

Not really prone to thinking much about stuff? She’s made entirely out of Air and Fire placement that are healthy for her. She doesn’t really have anything much to worry about when push comes to shove-- she’ll come through it well enough with minimal burns too.

Oh Hayoung July 19 1996 (Seoul, South Korea) Cancer Sun/Virgo Moon

Our maknae of the group!

Ok so you know how she’s good at guessing/intuition? It’s because of her sun-- her Cancer Sun (Moon ruled) is influenced by Neptune/Pisces which have dominion over the subconscious/intuition.

It’s similar to Chorong, but Hayoung can show this better because of her Virgo moon. She knows herself and she knows how to showcase stuff about herself-- it feeds her self-confidence/ego better because she has streamlined communication between her head and her heart.

With Cancer Sun influenced by Neptune/Pisces, she feels the guess inside her soul sometimes. It becomes sort of a six sense, something she can feel palpably in her being instead of just ‘guessing’ or ‘feeling out’ the guess. This is because it’s in her sun, the core of her being, her hard wire. You sometimes don’t have to feel/know your sun to know it’s there, but ultimately it’s a part of you that makes you work like you.

Her mature appearance is all due to that Cancer/Virgo influence. If you think about it like this, her Cancer sun rules her face and her Virgo moon rules her eyes. Your sun/moon comes through on your face no matter what sign it’s in.

Cancers are nurturers of the zodiacs, they’re called ‘the mum’ because their sister sign Capricorn is ‘the dad’ -- it’s all gender-bull to be honest I don’t even like that stuff, but its based on the idea that Cancer rules the 4th house which talks about the home, family life and often childhood/mothers/women in our life. Hayoung has that feminine caring look about her, and her Virgo moon adds the maturity to her face.

With Virgo moons it can be one of the harder placement to have since earth-signs moon tends to take on their experience and show their age through whatever it is on their face. Capricorns often have that sober look in their face/eyes because of this. With Virgos-- they’re hard workers. They’ve been through alot, but ultimately they’re not downtrodden by the world yet. They’re mature and sophisticated women, they’re classy and simple-- an elegant classic. Combined with her Cancer appearance it makes her look like a reliable and older lady who has her life together.

This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. In fact, Virgo moons often have to face hardship on their own. Virgo wants to do good for the world, they’re a mercury sign and they’re more communicative than any other earth sign out there. Often times Hayoung probably brings up good practical solution, has alot more patience and listens to her unnies before suggesting a good solution to all their problems. She’s the ONLY person in the team who has an earth-sign in her Sun/Moon-- and that affects the overall dynamic and temperament of others a lot.

Since everyone else is either ruled by Air or Fire, having an earth moon can be slower moving and stabilizing for the whole team. The unnies probably adore her, because she has this sense of stability in her? It brings security and stead fastness, if someone (Naeun/Chorong) needs to be with someone she’ll be there. If someone needs someone to supervise them or check their ideas (Eunji/Bomi) she’s the person to go to. There’s something just so dependable in earth-sign moons it really helps settle the external environment around them.

With this said, it can be hard on the person who has the Virgo moon themselves. Virgos are notoriously self-decrepitating and harsh on themselves. If they feel like they aren’t accepted or validated by the world or people close to them, they become cripplingly vulnerable to themselves.

They often need to be reassured that they’re appreciated by others, that their work has paid off and that their efforts are working out the way they want it to work.

They’re tireless workers, and often times they won’t stop until they reach that emotional satisfaction where they’re like ‘ok now let’s see the results’-- they need it to be overwhelmingly positive.

She has to watch out not to overwork herself or place too much pressure on herself this way since it can do more harm than good. Moderation and regulation is the key here, as well as learning how to enjoy the lighter things in life -- her unnies can teach her that.

💞 Sorry this is short and not really?? detailed?? I know the quality has dropped a little these past few days but I promise I’ll get it back up again soon! I got this out super fast because I wanted to post the MV for them too! I think I’ll be doing things like this more, as in posting MV and then a post about the group’s astrology to help promote them. Their new song is a BOP and I love it! I have a few other things lined up right now. If you’re here for BTS -- I’ll probably be posting someone’s natal chart reading next so stay tuned for that! I also have a few Sun and Moons series to do as well as Irene’s overview post. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish them soon, but thanks for tuning in! 💞

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americasbesthair · 3 years

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Where to Buy the Best Hair Extensions

Buying good quality hair extensions can be extremely confusing, difficult and time consuming, and buying the wrong type or overly processed or treated hair can prove to be a very costly mistake.

With more and more women around the world loving and sometimes needing the help of extensions, I felt it more important than ever to explain the fundamentals, of buying quality hair extensions, to help women be more informed and able to understand the hair extensions industry, in order to make informative choices and to stop losing money and time on sub-standard hair extensions and or application methods.

Having great Hair extensions is incredible and can even be life changing one who has struggled with fine or limp locks or which simply doesn't grow long and luscious like they wish it would, hair extensions can offer the greatest solution to their hair woes.

I have first hand knowledge regarding all application methods, processing procedures and origins and after 14 years of being a senior extension artist and master trainer in all methods of attachment I would like to share with you the some in depth knowledge to help you purchase the extensions of your dreams, so you never have to worry about tangling, damage to your own hair or uncomfortable or even painful low quality hair extensions again!

So lets begin. I have broken this article into several key categories. Please read through the steps carefully. This will help to inform you and assist you with asking the correct questions when purchasing hair extensions from your dealer.

Learn about where your hair extensions REALLY come from!

CAN I VISIT THE SUPPLIER? Do you know much about your supplier/extension artist?

Are you really comfortable handing over hundreds of dollars to someone you "hope' will sell you a good product?

Please don't make the mistake of simply thinking that if you receive a sample of the Hair extensions it will mean you will be buying good hair in the future... many suppliers simply have a some good hair samples and then they send out bad hair after an order is made. You really need to see several packets first to ensure the hair will be high quality on a CONSISTENT basis... especially if you are going to buy it long term.

STEP 1

Can you visit the supplier?

Be sure your hair extensions provider/artist has an 'open door' policy. Even if they are too far away... to visit... do they allow the public to see the hair before they buy?

Can they show you the different type of hair before you buy it?

Do they have examples of non-remy and real remy hair to show you so you can be 100% sure the product they are selling is the real thing?

Yes I know all of this effort seems like a lot but it is important especially if you intend on purchasing or having hair extensions regularly.

If the provider hides behind a website... you can be pretty sure they also have something to hide

European and Russian grade hair

Growing hair for extensions is serious work. Some women and men who grow hair must follow a special diet to ensure that their hair will be healthy, well nourished and of the best quality.

STEP 2

What is the origin of the hair?

European and Russian grade hair can originate from any country where the desired hair structure can be collected. It is simply impossible for all of the European and Russian hair supplies to come from one or two regions for this reason the words European and Russian hair which may once upon a time have been more country exclusive is now a loose term for human hair that is compatible with the greater hair extensions industries consumers.

Most blond hair sold as extensions is extremely expensive and simply inaccessible due to rising demand in hair extensions in the resent years, therefore natural blonde hair extensions are very hard to come by, so one would have to assume that almost all hair sold in lighter shades will have some lightening and processing to reach the desired shade.

European hair comes in a host of textures, from straight, to wavy to curly. Because of the difference in texture, the hair is compatible with most people but may not work with other hair textures such as African or Asian.

European and Russian hair can come from almost any country where a finer cross section of hair is available for sale. Colours are generally medium brown to dark brown and will be dyes lighter if required. Human hair is far softer and healthier if it has not treated with aggressive acid bathes to shave back its cuticle.

Asian Hair

Asian hairs are normally thick, straight, and coarse. Because it is quite strong and straight it can be quite difficult to manage and get it to hold a style for this reason Asian hair can be stripped in an acid bath to make the cuticle smaller so the hair is finer... this however greatly damages the hair structure, requiring the need for silicone to coat the exposed cuticle. However once the silicone washes off after a few short washes the damaged cuticle is exposed again and the hair tangles, matts and loses its shine, soon after becoming impossible to manage and therefore requiring removal of the hair additions. As synthetic hair fibres are often manufactured in Asia we are finding the rise in heat resistant synthetic fibres being mixed with human hair... this is becoming a far greater practice than ever before resulting in matting and tangling and problems when trying to straighten the hair.

Indian Hair

Indian hair Pilgrims sacrifice their hair to the God Vishnu in a process called tonsuring. Their hair is then sorted, washed and dyed for marketing. Often times the people of India have no idea they have been tricked into donating their hair so it can be sold at a premium and then shipped off and sold to Western countries for the use of hair extensions. This has been the cause of some controversy, and many people now refuse to buy Indian hair based on ethical reasons.

Unfortunately due to the rising demand in human hair extensions Indian hair is often mixed with synthetic hair and/or animal hair during processing.

More and more often this is happening (as the documentary on "A current affair" ) outlined recently. Indian hair is becoming very difficult to buy with confidence as it often ends up tangling and matting due the hair being mixed with something else and or not being cuticle correct.

So where possible it is much better to buy 100% human European or Russian hair if you have a European texture.

If you are of Asian descent always choose 100% Asian hair which has not been processed - you will need to therefore ask for "virgin' Asian hair. You will notice the cuticle is quite thick and this means it is intact and has not been acid stripped.

If you are of Indian decent, please choose "virgin" Indian 100% remy hair, this hair will have the same texture as your own hair. You will need to be sure it has not been mixed with any foreign materials before purchase.

Step 3

Is the Hair Remy?

The next critical step in purchasing hair extensions is whether it is remy or not.

The first step in determining if Remy hair extensions are truly Remy, with cuticles and prepared root to tip, is to examine the roots, mid-shaft and ends of the hair fiber. It is fairly normal for cuticles to be missing or worn down near the ends of the hair strands, but thick and healthy near the roots.

You may be on a budget and think... well this hair is super cheap and probably isn't remy... but it should be OK... you will just brush it a bit more... right?... wrong!

Non-remy hair is a girls worst nightmare and something you NEVER want to deal with.

Initially before the silicone coating has worn off... you may find it easy to manage... but after a few washes the real state of the hair reveals itself. It will tangle and matt terribly!

After the silicone coating comes off you will NEVER be able to make it look nice... well maybe if you don't move an inch. As soon as there is any movement... it will catch like Velcro and become a knotty mess.

Now you understand you should never buy non-remy hair...

So it's easy... just ask for remy hair... right? Well unfortunately most of the hair extension sellers today, simply have NO IDEA what they are selling and have not themselves been directly involved in the complex hair trade world.

The seller often have little or no experience in hair extension care, application and processing methods and little knowledge of the true origin of theair itself.

Often untrained and inexperienced companies believe selling human hair is like any other product.

This could not be further from the truth! extensions are not like any other manufactured product... every head of hair is different and with the array of processing methods, origins of the hair in and of itself, the textures, lengths, grades and coloring methods..Hair extensions are an incredibly complicated and complex subject.

One would require many years of understanding of the compounding structures of human hair and of the world's hair trade itself to successfully ensure the human hair they sell is are soft, naturally shiny and ultimately provide a hassle free experience while installed within the recipients own hair.

For all the afore mentioned reasons, it is very important you find out how much experience your seller really has.

Unfortunately though, not very many companies sell 100% Remy hair extensions because it is not only expensive raw hair but very expensive to manufacture. Real remy hair extensions that are properly kept in the Remy state are also very expensive for the buyer and cannot be purchased cheaply. With the rise in competition within the industry, many sellers in their haste to offer the "cheapest" extensions, will secretly buy cheap, non-remy or mixed Indian or Chinese hair and forward it as a genuine high quality product on to the unknowing customer.

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evenstevensranked · 6 years

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#21: Season 2, Episode 15 - “Sibling Rivalry”

In an attempt to settle their never-ending rivalry, Ren and Louis compete on a ridiculous game show called “Sib Wars.” There’s also Ren/Bobby/Mandy drama on the side which is beyond juicy. Meanwhile, Donnie has a date with a French girl and has Nelson translate for him.

This one opens with Louis "Flossercising” -- A combination of flossing your teeth and exercising. Right off the bat, you know this episode is gonna be an outlandish one. He’s just chillin’, incorrectly lifting weights in a bathroom full of dental floss lol

How do you even buy that much dental floss? Also, I can’t deal with Shia’s face in this screenshot. ALSO, I’d like to talk to Sarah and Suzie and ask them what drugs they were on when they came up with “flossercising.”

Ren starts freaking out at Louis because she needs to get ready for a date with Bobby and he’s cramping her style. They chase each other into Donnie’s room where we see Donnie super focused on learning French. I love how he’s dressed in the stereotypical black and white striped mime shirt -- sitting in front of a pile of French books, Eiffel Tower statues and a bowl of french fries while doing so. As if it’s a freaking séance to reach the ghosts of French experts.

Cutting off his head was the only way I could get everything in the screenshot lol.

This scene is pretty funny. After Louis and Ren come running into his room, Donnie tells them to knock it off because he only has one day to learn French. “That’s realistic” Ren says so sarcastically, I crack up every time. This is also where Ren calls Louis “infuriating” and he tries to call her it as well, but butchers the word and says “In-flirt-in-ate-ter-ing.” I remember this being used on a few ads for the show back in the day. Just then, Donnie grabs a VHS tape, shows it to them very dramatically and says “You guys need to see this.” And Louis is all “What? You lifting weights in your bathing suit? We already saw that.” HAHA!!! I love how Donnie is so obliviously vain, it’s great. Imagine subjecting your brother and sister to that. He quickly picks up the VHS he meant to show them, which is an accidental taping of a show called “Sibling Sessions.”

This show within a show is so freaking hilarious. It’s like Dr. Phil if it were a show within a soap opera and filmed in a therapists office. The brother and sister (Kevin and Wendy) who appear on it are so lame and fake, it’s so good. The host makes Kevin apologize to Wendy and I died laughing.

“It’s nothing against you, Wendy! You’re the BEST! I guess the reason I act the way I do, is because of my own insecurities. Deep down... I’m just a loser.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. The acting is purposely incredibly bad here, almost like an infomercial -- which makes it even better. The kid looks like he’s about to burst out laughing when he says “I’m just a loser” lol.

Even Stevens seriously wins the award for Most Original Humor on Disney Channel. Ever. No other show has a strut quite like this one. I also thank god every day that ES didn’t have a laugh track. It simply doesn’t need one.

Ren thinks the show seems professional and is down for appearing on it. Louis, on the other hand, is vehemently against it -- Until the host announces that Kevin and Wendy will receive two tickets to Happy Mountain Amusement Park for being on the show, lol.

You just know this was an ad-lib, tbh. How does Shia even think of this stuff? What even is that facial expression? He’s too much...

I also just realized that Ren is definitely wearing the necklace Louis bought her in Swap.com. Ya know, the one she gave back to Ernie? Oops.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Ren is expecting it to be Bobby, but *dun dun dunnn* It’s Nelson. This marks the start of the DRAMA!!! Bobby sent Nelson as the bearer of bad news. He’s there to let Ren know Bobby had to cancel their date because he has work to do with his lab partner. Hummmmm... Ren is immediately suspicious. Clearly, she does not trust Bobby and this relationship ain’t healthy.

Somewhere around here, Donnie finds out that Nelson can speak French. So he asks him to translate on his upcoming date with some ~beautiful foreign exchange student.~ We also get the “HAAAAPPY MOUNTAIN! THE BIG OLD ROCK OF FUUUUUUN!” from Louis which is iconic. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that most of the things Shia does in this episode are ad-libs.

The next day at school, Ren happens to catch Bobby working with his lab partner... who he conveniently forgot to mention is Mandy “Always-Gets-Her-Man” Sanchez. RED FLAG!!! MAJOR RED FLAG.

When class lets out, there’s this awkward/passive-aggressive/mean girl moment between Ren and Mandy -- and it’s gold. Mandy says “Ren, love the lipstick! That color works so well on your THIN lips. :)” To which Ren responds, “You know? I wonder what it’d look like on a FAT LIP :)” hahahaha. Salty overload. Ren decides to privately confront Bobby about the situation after. Asking why he neglected to say that Mandy was his lab partner because Mandy is definitely into him, and he essentially tells her it’s all in her head. “Come on, it’s just Mandy. She flirts with everyone!” So, Ren convinces herself that she’s just overreacting. THIS IS SUCH A TEXTBOOK CASE OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP. You can clearly see that Ren is still suspicious though.. and it only gets worse when Bobby kisses her goodbye on the cheek instead of the lips. Oh, boy. Bobby sucks.

Ren and Louis go to an audition for “Sibling Sessions” but when they get there they see that the show has been rebranded as “Sib Wars” -- a competition show. Apparently the ratings were in the toilet. Can’t imagine why!!! Who wouldn’t want to watch a low-level, PBS knock-off of Dr. Phil?! The show is on the verge of being cancelled all together, unless they can find two bickering siblings to compete ASAP -- and Louis and Ren answer their prayers. They come barging in like two arguing tornados. I love their little fight here though, lol. Ren claims that Louis got ice cream in her hair and Louis says “Did it ever occur to you that YOUR hair got in MY ice cream? Did that enter your skull?!” He has a point. Ren obviously considers herself to be the superior sibling, so she has no doubt that she’ll win the cheesy competition. “I could even grow a mustache before you!” she threatens. And Louis comes back with one of my favorite burns everrrr: “You could. In fact, it’s coming in quite nicely!” HAHA. Shia and Christy go on to totally ad-lib a heated argument and I love it.

The host, David Blackburn, is so over the top with everything he does. On “Sibling Sessions” he was over the top melodramatic and on “Sib Wars” he’s over the top excited. It’s like he’s incapable of acting like a normal human. Normally, I cannot stand when shows go overboard with obnoxiousness.. but I can’t help but laugh at this guy. He starts wearing a cheap, short, dreads wig to try to seem more ~hip~ and young, (”Is my hair on straight?”) which is hilarious to me. And this dude delivers every single one of his lines with such a perfect balance of fake enthusiasm and the insecurity that comes along with trying way too hard to be cool. It just gets me for some reason, lol. I’m also almost positive that HE’S doing the voiceover announcing HIMSELF as “the handsome, the talented -- DAVID BLACKBURRRRRNNNN!” haha. I have to gif the footage of his introduction because it’s honestly so meme-worthy and hysterical imo:

If I had the power, I’d make nearly every other moment of every Even Stevens episode a popular meme. It’s beyond deserving... Yet, the only meme that’s come out of Even Stevens is Beans. Great. This show is truly one of the greatest, overlooked TV gems ever.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure the “TV G” was edited in for “Sib Wars” specifically. I don’t remember Even Stevens ever having a rating pop up like that before, so that’s pretty awesome lol. I’m not sure what part of this gif gets me the worst, though. When he flips his “hair” back, the zoom-out shot of him like “ :D ” or the “THAT’S ME!” It’s all brilliant. I’ve been laughing at this for 5 minutes straight.

The game show ends up being incredibly stupid with the dumbest questions and categories ever... So it’s basically tailor-made for Louis Stevens. Therefore, he literally leaves Ren in the dust -- 500 points to 0. There’s also a “Pudding Pit of Doom” round where yet another bad Louis stunt double flips into the vat:

I never noticed how many stunts happen on this show until now. This guy is obviously older and has a completely different build than Shia. They really don’t even try lol.

David Blackburn announces that Louis and Ren will return the next day for the “Ultimate Humiliation” round -- where they have 1 minute to totally mortify the other on public access television. Fun! Louis is scrambling to find some dirt on Ren, and he fails. The closest thing he gets is her “brushing her teeth inefficiently” on tape. This bit always stuck with me though!! He explains the footage to Twitty and says “Look at the technique. She’s doing that upward thing, you’re not supposed to be doing that! You’re supposed to do the little circles!” I think about this every single time I brush my teeth and have since always brushed in a circular motion lol.

The drama reaches the climax right about now when Louis and Twitty catch Bobby and Mandy walking down the hall together very flirtatiously. Their first thought is to start recording -- and boy did they end up capturing the most DRAMATIC TEEN DRAMA MOMENT THE SHOW HAS EVER SEEN:

Is this Even Stevens or Degrassi???

When I rewatched this episode for the first time in a few years, I was genuinely shocked. I knew Bobby was “cheating,” but I always remembered it as only flirting or a lingering hug. (Ya know... because Disney.) But, NOPE. It was an actual kiss on the lips. Bobby is a RAT and I never liked him. It’s really too bad they didn’t end the series with some comedic plot where Ren and Larry realize their feelings for each other because trust me..... the feelings are there. That’s way better content than Bobby freakin’ Deaver. HE WAS NEVER FOR YOU, REN!

Louis’ plan is to be a slimeball and use this footage in the Ultimate Humiliation round. That’s honestly so messed up, I can’t even fathom that idea. Imagine video of your significant other kissing some other person airing for everyone to see. Dang. I told you this was dramatic.

This subplot is really, really short. So I’ll wrap it up now as usual. It’s just Donnie on his date with Sandrine (played by Danica McKellar from The Wonder Years) with Nelson translating. Basically, Nelson’s allergies to everything flare up. He takes over the date and steals Sandrine’s attention away from Donnie. That’s it. There’s this one screenshot that’s pretty great without context tho:

Back to the main plot. Ren decided to use Louis’ nasty bed sheet as her way to humiliate him. I love how she titled the exhibit "Louis: An American Tragedy" lol:

When it’s Ren’s turn to sit in the hot seat, she takes a moment to give a shout out to Bobby. Saying how happy she is that they’re together and she hopes they can stay together. Of course. Meanwhile, Louis is standing there holding the VHS tape of Bobby cheating. It’s intense. Ultimately, Louis makes the right decision and doesn’t show the tape. He just gives up and says he didn’t come prepared with anything. I LOVE SEEING GOOD LITTLE BROTHER LOUIS, MAN!!! Ren is declared the winner.

Louis knows that Ren doesn’t deserve to continue to be lead on by Bobby. So at home that night, Louis simply gives Ren the tape. The footage is pretty self explanatory. It fades to a very dramatic shot of Ren breaking up with Bobby by giving him his letterman jacket back. I hate Bobby. He’s standing there all sad. Like... Come on, man. Don’t act like you're upset about what you did. You knew full well what you were doing.

Ren’s head to toe light blue ensemble is... something.

Ren thanks Louis for not showing the tape on TV and he says “Ren, you’re my sister. I wouldn’t do you like that.” MY HEART. That vibe changes quickly though when Louis asks if he can be her plus 1 to Happy Mountain lol.

And that’s it. The episode ends with Donnie watching the video of him lifting weights in his bathing suit. haha.

I really like this episode. It’s not one of my personal favorites, but this episode is most true to the series' premise. If you look at it literally, it’s the most "Even Stevens" episode ever tbh -- which is why it's higher on the list. I also just cannot get over the level of legit drama here with the Bobby/Mandy stuff! Crazy. Louis is a great brother here, too.. which is so amazing to see. There aren’t any giant laugh-out-loud moments, but the dialogue here is so snappy and smart. I found myself laughing quite a bit due to how great the writing is and the delivery from the cast all around. Everyone is on point here.

Thanks for reading!!

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#rank #even stevens #season 2 #louis stevens #shia labeouf #christy carlson romano #ren stevens #mandy sanchez #bobby deaver #nelson minkler #walter franks #old disney #nostalgia #zoog disney #tv review #tv shows #memes #ren and bobby #donnie stevens

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mordecaiiiiblog-blog · 7 years

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Astrology For Dummies 3!

This week we bring Astrology for Dummies #3. This week it’s a technical, in depth look at Astrology, the planets that govern the zodiacs and much more on the makes of the study, Astrology. Please read, and tell us what you think. We would love the feedback. In the past two weeks we have brought to you two articles on Astrology and understanding what makes for our behaviors in this forever changing social blast known as humanity.

Mars – Aries

Mars is the planet of energy, assertiveness and aggression. Its sign and house placement in the our lives show us how much we channel our energies. Often, our Sun sign energies will be aided in their expression by the direction shown by Mars in our Astrological: How we take action. How we express our anger. What drives us? Mars also relates to our sexuality.

Mars, along with the Sun, tells us a lot about our understanding of the male principal. What is our inner image of the male? Those with Mars strongly placed in their Astrological chart can be competitive without being argumentative and assertive without being aggressive. They are capable of taking effective action as soon as it is needed and can pace themselves so as to always have abundant energy.

Venus – Taurus & Libra

Venus is the planet which concerns our ability to love and relate with other people. She is associated with the need for harmony and the urge to share and co-operate with others. The sign and house placement have Venus in our Astrological birth chart shows us in which environment are we most likely to give and receive love: How we find it easiest to express emotion in our personal relationships. What kind of marriage partner are we attracted to? Venus also relates closely to our value system. The sign and house placement in our Astrological chart will tell us a great deal about what we attach most importance to. It also follows then, that Venus is connected with money and possessions.

Mercury – Gemini & Virgo

Mercury is the planet which rules everything that relates to our mental skills, intelligence and communicative powers. The mythological Mercury was the Messenger of the Gods. He also ruled commercial enterprises and - an interesting connection – he was the god of thieving. Most people would agree that advertisers and salesmen do not always behave honestly!

The sign position of Mercury in our Astrological birth chart will show how our thinking takes place and what kind of things we are likely to think about. It affects how we make decisions, how we communicate thoughts, ideas and concepts to others. The sign in which Mercury is placed affects what we actually notice and process and value and there is much truth in the saying 'As a man thinketh, swath he'. Thoughts and ideas have to come before experience. Thoughts are powerful and we must therefore be careful about what we are thinking. If our experiences tend to be negative, perhaps that is because our beliefs and thoughts are too.

The Moon – Cancer

In astrological interpretation, our Moon sign tells us everything we need to know about how we work on an emotional, intuitive level. The Moon describes our childhood, our roots and what helps us to feel safe. Our Moon sign shows us what will be our first, instinctive reaction to new events or people. The Moon tells us a great deal about our mother, or chief nurturing parent, and our domestic situation in childhood and in adult life. The sign in which the Moon is placed even tells us something about our food preferences.

The Sun – Leo

The Sun symbolizes our father image. Good aspects: we have integrated the masculine principle well because of our healthy relationship with our own father. Bad aspects: the Sun shows some difficulty with authority figures, the male principle and the expression of assertiveness, courage and strength.

Pluto – Scorpio

Pluto is the planet of the end and beginning, disintegration and regeneration. Pluto symbolizes the most unconscious part of ourselves and yet the most powerful drive within us. Whichever area of the Astrological birth chart this planet touches, it forces us to deal with crisis and if we co-operate with this enormous influence, personal growth can ensue. We must learn the lesson of letting go with Pluto.

Possessiveness and compulsion must give way to the acceptance of the need to relinquish old attitudes, emotions and possessions. Pluto moves very slowly, taking between twelve and thirty-one years to move through each sign. The sign in which Pluto is placed is very important generally but it is the house position and aspects which are crucial in the Astrological birth chart, though of course these are colored by the sign too. As Pluto moves through each sign, it brings out crucial and permanent changes in humanity's attitudes and experiences.

Jupiter – Sagittarius

Jupiter's position in the Astrological birth-chart shows us where we are most likely to possess a sense of optimism and confidence in life. This is where we have trust and faith and feel that we can fulfill all of life's promises. This is where we can take risks. As a result of our confident attitudes in this area of life, we are most likely to be successful where Jupiter touches our birth chart.

Saturn – Capricorn

The position of Saturn in the Astrological birth chart is one of the most important of all. The sign and ��house in which Saturn are found tell us about the frustrations and restrictions that the individual faces and also tell us a great deal about that individual's internal pain. Saturn tells us about what we fear most. He shows us what depresses us most and where we feel most inadequate in life.

Guilt and disappointment are often found where Saturn lurks too. What we must remember, however, is that the Saturn principle is very necessary for our growth. The pain and frustration push us on to greater achievements and allow us to grow in consciousness. Saturn's lessons can be hard but if we learn them well we can be capable of great achievements in the area of the Astrological birth chart which he touches.

The important thing with Saturn is to accept responsibility for our actions and our fate and understand the value of patience. Saturn's delays can lead us into a journey of self-discovery and a life-long process of education. The ensuing wisdom and self-discipline can bring us the sense of accomplishment we feel when we have created our own destiny through our own efforts.

Uranus – Aquarius

Uranus marks the area of the Astrological birth-chart where we are most in touch with our originality and independence. Uranus encourages us to rebel against what is and to forge a new path. We may do this regardless of what our families have encouraged us to believe or value and regardless of what elements of security we might lose in the process: Where we most desire to show our non-conformity. Where we are most likely experience changes in life.

As Uranus spends a seven year period of time in each sign, all those people born in one generation will have Uranus in the same sign. For this reason, the house position of Uranus is regarded as being more important than the sign position. Nevertheless, Uranus' movement through the signs tells us a great deal historically about the ways in which innovations and technological advances will occur.

Neptune – Pisces

Neptune symbolizes our ideals and shows us where we yearn for perfection and merging. Neptune heightens our perceptions, giving us the capacity for compassion and imagination. If Neptune is strong in the Astrological birth-chart, the individual will be highly creative, with a potential for self-sacrifice. Negatively, Neptune can lead an individual into deceptions and hypersensitivity.

Neptune is connected with our fantasies, with our dream world and therefore with drugs and alcohol, the theatre, music, television, films and theology & spirituality. Neptune is all that is mysterious in life. This planet can dissolve one reality and replace it with another taking us towards dissolution or allowing us to contact higher realms.

Next week it’s Astrology for Dummies #4. I thank you for the support, input and comments that you have giving me thus far. I appreciate it. Expect more from me as of next week, where I will bring you the last in my Astrology for Dummies series and more motivation, inspiration and self improvement.

*Astrology data by

Focus Multimedia Limited and

KOCH Media

#Astrology MordecaiIII

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thegreenwolf · 7 years

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Note: This post was originally published at my old Patheos blog. It is unfortunately still there despite my resignation and request that they delete all my content. I had a request from another writer to link to this post, though they didn’t want to use the Patheos link (thank you!) So I am republishing the content here, and will likely do that with a selection of my other Patheos posts. Enjoy!

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When someone gives something to us, it’s natural for us to want to return the favor. Reciprocity is part of being a complex social creature and part of the underpinnings of successful civilization. It’s no different in our spiritual paths. When the spirits, gods, nature gift us with knowledge, empowerment or even a good meal, we want to be able to say thank you in a formal manner.

This balance more important now than ever. For centuries we have done a lot of taking from nature and relatively little giving back. Of course, some things are hard to replace. We can’t exactly put oil back in the ground or easily remove the pollutants caused by its processing and burning. But it’s only been recently that we’ve made conscious efforts to replace at least some of what we take. In Oregon, for example, it’s been a law since 1972 that any landowner who cuts down trees for timber must plant more to replace them.

Still, the balance is far from equal. We still take far more than we give back, and what we do give is often tainted. Take food offerings, for example. It may seem pretty innocuous to make an extra plate of food after a ritual and leave it out “for the wildlife”. Some of what we eat is very bad for other species, though, and it doesn’t have to be the hyper-processed snack foods we favor. Onions are toxic for dogs and cats, and so any wandering domestic or feral animal would get sick if the dish you prepared contains even cooked onion. (Coyotes might also not fare so well.) Moreover, leaving food out teaches wild mammals to stop fearing humans and to become more aggressive in trying to get food from us. Predictably this leads to more animals having to be killed as nuisances or dangerous.

The source of the offering may also be suspect. Let’s say you want to leave a small quartz crystal next to a plant that you harvested leaves from for medicine. Where did the crystal come from, and how was it mined? What quality of life did the miner have and how much did they make for it? How many thousands of miles was the crystal shipped using fossil fuels? What offering did you make to the land the crystal was torn out of to say “thanks for the shiny rock”? And, finally, how exactly is the plant supposed to use a piece of quartz crystal when what it really needs is water and healthy soil?

We need to rethink the concept of offerings, and what we’re actually giving versus receiving. Are we giving back anything of actual value, or just contributing to more problems at home and abroad?

I’d like to offer some potential alternatives for those of us on a nature-based path. These are offerings that are more conscious of environmental impact and have a real, measurable effect on the land. (In my experience they also make the spirits of the land happier!)

–Take the time to really get to know the land you live on: How much do you know about your bioregion? What’s the geology that forms its foundation, and how does it affect the climate and weather? What animals, plants, fungi and other living beings share space with you there? What did it look like before large numbers of humans arrived? What did it look like 10,000 years ago? 100,000? 100 million?

Knowing these things helps you understand the intricacies of your bioregion and what it needs in order to be healthy. You may think that your area has a diversity of wildlife because you know a few species of bird in the area, but it may lack the necessary habitat to support more elusive animals. What happened to drive these other species away?

You may not be able to do anything about these bigger situations, but just being aware of and sensitive to them can be a great offering in and of itself. It shows you respect the land and the beings you share it with, and it helps push you out of the heavily anthropocentric mindset most humans have been running around with for too long.

–Offer your time: If you have the time and physical ability to do so, spend some time trying to improve the land around you. If there are local environmental or conservation groups working to remove invasive species and replace them with native ones, or monitor water and air quality, or other efforts toward habitat restoration and preservation, see what sorts of volunteer opportunities they have. Check the Citizen Science Alliance website to see if there are any nearby nature research projects you can help with. You can even do some self-directed projects, like keeping a particular park or stretch of stream litter-free.

Even if you don’t have the ability to do that sort of intensive outdoor work, consider contacting your elected officials about environmental issues in your area. The more you educate yourself about these issues, the more effective you can make your letters. You can even extend this communication to local business owners, encouraging them to implement sustainability efforts or transparency about pollutants in manufacturing activities.

Some of you may even have the opportunity to make your career more centered on nature. Degree programs in biology and other natural sciences offer the ability to do field research (though there can be competition for jobs and research opportunities!) Should you happen to be interested in law school, environmental law is a great way to utilize the legal system to hold polluters and other problematic entities accountable.

–Offer your money: You don’t have to tithe 10% of your income to your spiritual path, but even if you have just a few dollars extra, consider donating the funds to an environmental nonprofit that you trust. Local organizations are always looking for ways to pay for their projects, and this may be the best option if you’re trying to help your immediate bioregion. On the other hand, bigger organizations do a lot of valuable work ranging from buying up and protecting fragile ecosystems, to lobbying elected officials and convincing them to vote in favor of the environment.

Some utility companies are beginning to offer clean energy buy-in options to their customers, albeit at a little higher monthly rate. Instead of getting your electricity from coal, for example, you might be able to switch some or all of your electricity to wind or hydroelectric power. While these are not without their own problems, they’re an attempt to try to cut down on the reliance on fossil fuels. And the more people who demand cleaner energy, the more incentive there will be for companies to work out the flaws with wind, hydro, and other energy alternatives.

–Teach others: Social media has become a pretty significant powerhouse for activists of all sorts. You don’t have to be organizing marches against pollution, but you can use your social media network to share links about environmental issues. Don’t worry about making your contributions all news all the time, either. Even just passing on a few links in the middle of your usual roster of cat pictures, gripes about work, or “What I did this weekend” posts can make a big difference.

Looking back at the volunteering option for a moment, you might see if local organizations or national/state parks have opportunities for volunteer interpreters. These help visitors to parks and other wild places to learn more about the flora, fauna and other features of the land, and it’s a great way to inspire others to fall in love with your bioregion!

–Live more lightly on the planet: Look at your everyday life and see if there are ways you can live a greener life. This might involve spending a little more money to buy a couple of extra organic or pasture-raised food items, or toilet paper and paper towels made from recycled paper. Or it may mean switching over to public transit for your commute (which, by the way, makes for great reading time!) When you take a shower, catch the “warm-up” water in a bucket, and then use that to refill the toilet tank next time you flush. Use a 50-50 vinegar-water solution and some Bon Ami for house cleaning instead of harmful chemicals like bleach. Really, it all depends on what your financial and schedule situations are like, what resources are available to you, and what you can afford to change. Even if you just make one change a month, over time that all adds up.

And these offering ideas are just a few potential options. What else might you do to make effective offerings in a nature-based path?

Did you enjoy this post? Consider buying a copy of my book, Nature Spirituality From the Ground Up, which has more ideas and practices for getting closer to nature through your spiritual path!

#pagan #nature #spirituality #offerings #environment #mine

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quasip · 7 years

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Hi :) will you do DateSana for the meme? I really can't pick a number it will be super awesome if you can do them all. Thank you

Hello! I am so sorry this was so late. I still hope that you guys like this. I deleted and rewrote everything like three times and still I don’t know about it. I tried my best though, so there is that. Thanks again and here you go! Also, NSFWish stuff involving sex in here. Just as a warning.

1) Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

Masamune rocks the Ferris Wheel seat because he is A Shit. Yukimura is always scolding him when they are riding the Ferris Wheel because the operator told them not to rock the seat—stop it! They don’t go on Ferris Wheel’s very often because of this.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

MASAMUNE. Seriously, this dude is horny as heck. Even before he started actually having sex with Yukimura he had an intense relationship with his hand. When Yukimura does start to become comfortable with that stuff Masamune is always groping his butt or saying sexual things to him and Yukimura will go red and do one of two things. If it’s in the beginning of their relationship he will basically screech out admonishments to the amusement of all. If it’s later on, he might try and give as good as he gets.

Whatever Yukimura will agree too, Masamune will do enthusiastically. Yukimura wants to try alley sex--he’s cool with it. Bondage---awesome. Whatever. Masamune will also be the one to bring up the new kinky stuff and let Yukimura decide if they go for it or not. Masamune might be a horny devil, but he bullies no one for sex. No one.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

When he overcomes some of his hesitance with intimacy, Yukimura really loves taking baths together. It’s warm and relaxing and he likes the snuggling and scalp massages. Masamune, of course, tries to make it sexy, but it doesn’t much from Yukimura to have Masamune sinking back into the comfortable bath time.

There are also splash battles. You cannot tell me otherwise.

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Yukimura, believe it or not, is actually the one who walks around the house wearing very little. I mean think about in the show. Who’s the one always wearing full armor and who is the one who goes running about in an open jacket? He’s very comfortable with his body and comfortable with the bodies of those he trusts (as long as they are not overtly lewd about it)

Masamune doesn’t care that Yukimura will walk around naked or almost naked, but the other really needs to learn to cool it down when he notices Masamune’s got a hard on.

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Masamune. He likes leaving the screen door open and listening to the sounds of nature. It cools him down and lets him think over the argument. Also, he’s the one who’s most likely to leave the house after an argument so he would be stuck there anyway.

6) Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

Neither really. Masamune will take a picture of Yukimura if he looks stupid or is doing something embarrassing, but otherwise, they sort of just fall asleep, no pictures necessary.

7) Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

Yukimura is an open and honest guy. As soon as he got over his emotional constipation and actually realized what he was feeling, he would go proclaim it right away. To keep his feelings from the other would be dishonest! Masamune is a closed shell with emotional words; they need to be pried from him with either time or alcohol.

Yukimura is also the one who ends fights with “I love you” because Masamune is always so resistant to help, Yukimura wants to remind him that he loves him, that Masamune needs to stop being such a dick because they are in this together now.

8) Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?

Both of them. Masamune likes to wear Yukimura’s sweatshirts because they are always warm like they’ve just been in the dryer and Yukimura likes Masamune’s sweatshirts (even if they are a little short for him) because he likes how Masamune’s smells and wearing Masamune’s sweatshirt comforts and calms him.

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

Masamune has all the nightmares. It’s something he’s not proud of so he tries to stay quiet or, if Yukimura wakes up, to straight up lie about why he’s awake. Yukimura, in the beginning, tries to prod him into talking about it but later on knows that Masamune just needs someone to be there and so just cuddles up next to him, a silent reminder that he’s not alone.

Yukimura will wake Masamune up to tell him about an awesome dream, but Masamune will have none of that and growls at Yukimura that it’s “3 in the freakin’ morning, Red, wait until morning, God.”

10) Who is more likely to cheat?

Masamune. Both of them are loyal so I wouldn’t expect either one to cheat, but if someone does it’s Masamune. He is the one that would cheat because he feels trapped in the relationship or because he wants to prove he’s not “whipped”. Basically fuckboy behavior. He’d regret it instantly, but the damage would be done and Yukimura would be out of there and Sasuke would flippin’ kill him.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Masamune would tease Yukimura about it, but Yukimura would just look at him confused and go, “But, Masamune, we have been together for months” in a very serious tone of voice. Yukimura’s confusion just makes Masamune laugh.

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Masamune, but once it starts Yukimura is an enthusiastic participant. Yukimura is constantly trying to sneak tastes of Masamune’s cooking and Masamune throws something at him to keep him away. Of course, Yukimura’s not going to let that attack go so food goes flying and Kojuro and Sasuke return to find them wrestling on the floor amidst piles of flour, eggs, and other ingredients.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Masamune is the better singer and the only duets they do is in karaoke battles they have with their friends. They usually end up against Motochika and Ieyasu who are always up for friendly competition and Masamune and Yukimura beat them handily. Everyone else suffers because when these four sing, they do it with a horrifying amount of enthusiasm (and Yukimura’s enthusiastic singing can burst eardrums. Not that anyone would ruin his fun).

14) Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Yukimura initiates the hand holding. He likes the connection and it makes him feel loved and comfortable. Masamune will grab the butt and belt loops. The other gestures are much more aggressive and though Yukimura can be aggressive he would only do things like grab Masamune’s butt or pull him by his belt loops if provoked. Masamune does it because he likes feeling in control.

They’ll both wrap an arm around the other’s waist, especially if they’re feeling proud or jealous. It’s how they let other’s know that that’s their boyfriend.

15) Who likes writes the others name on their wrist?

Yukimura. He sort of learned from Sasuke to write notes on his wrist when he wanted to remember so he often writes reminders about Masamune (or things to remind Masamune of) on his skin. Masamune just uses his phone.

16) Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?

Masamune is seductive when drunk and it doesn’t take much to get him to that stage. (Un)fortunately, it also takes very little to move him past the drunk seductive stage to the non-coherent gurgling stage of drunkenness. Yukimura is a sleepy drunk and can often be found asleep in the oddest places when drunk.

As for who’s loudest in bed---Yukimura. It’s definitely Yukimura. Masamune’s favorite thing is to challenge Yukimura to be quiet during sex. Yukimura always loses, but in this he doesn’t mind losing as much.

17) Who is more protective?

Both of them. Seriously you mess with one of them you mess with the other. However, Masamune and Yukimura will not take kindly to the other person butting into their fight. They will more likely start arguing with each other and if the flirty bar patron or angry gang or whoever wants to actually step into that mess then the both of them are going to kick their ass.

In general, though, Masamune tends to be a little more overbearing because he’s lost so many loved ones and been surrounded by people he cannot trust that he is very protective of the ones he does love and trust.

18) Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Masamune talks to Yukimura. He talks about vulnerable things, soft things that he dare not say yet. Because those things could be used against him, have been used against him. At night, though, when no one is listening, he is free to unburden himself without fear.

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

Masamune always tries to take the driver’s seat, but he’s a really aggressive driver so Yukimura will often refuse to get into the car unless Masamune sits in the passenger seat. It’s a common fight between them that’s settled with rock-paper-scissors.

20) Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

They both do. When they are both healthy Yukimura falls asleep on Masamune, drooling and snoring because he likes to keep a good sleep schedule. So everytime they stay up late he’s the one that falls asleep on Masamune’s shoulder. Masamune snorts when he notices before gently carrying Yukimura to bed. When Masamune is sick (which is suprisingly often) he will cuddle up with Yukimura on the couch and watch crappy movies until he falls asleep and Yukimura tucks him into bed with his 20+ blankets because he is always cold.

21) Who cuts the others hair?

Masamune. He’s got an artistic flair that goes well with cutting hair. It’s a bit tricky at first because of his eye, but once he adjusts he’s snipping like the best of them. Since Yukimura likes getting his hair played with and Masamune likes playing with his hair this works out well for them.

22) Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

They both suck at it. Yukimura has literally no clue what he is doing and Masamune makes his sexts sound like the script to a very bad porno at the same time. After some time they can work out a decent enough sexting style for them.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

The one with low self-esteem in this is Masamune. While Yukimura might have occasional bouts of it (especially after a major argument) Masamune is the one that feels it most constantly. He’s used to not being good enough for people; for having to fight for affection or having people leave him. Yukimura declares his loyalty often, but it’s his actions that speak louder to Masamune. Yukimura staying by his side as an equal even after all the arguments and fights is how he knows this is real and forever.

Yukimura is the one who thinks he keeps messing up, or rather, he is the one to stop blaming the other person first. They are both stubborn and prideful and will both see the other’s fault in an argument, but Yukimura is the one who will see the other side first and so feels worse sooner. He’s usually the one to do the apologizing. They both have to assure the other that they are good enough, that their mistakes are not going to end their relationship.

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

Yukimura likes to dance when he’s doing chores. When Masamune shows up Yukimura coaxes him into joining; however, Masamune ends up leading because, though Yukimura loves to dance, he’s not all that good at it and Masamune likes his neck to not be snapped from being flung around like a sack.

Masamune is also the one who lifts Yukimura above the ground and kisses him, despite the fact that he is shorter than Yukimura because Yukimura gets really red and passionate when Masamune shows off his strength and Masamune loves it when he gets all fired up.

25) Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Masamune, but it’s more to rile Yukimura up then to make him laugh because Yukimura all blustery and blushy is one of the most adorable sights ever. He likes to wrap an arm around him and bring him closer while Yukimura berates him under his breath as he’s snuggling closer.

26) Who kissed first?

Yukimura actually! Masamune had been teasing and flirting with him incessantly and Yukimura knows that he’s only doing it to fluster him in front of everyone. So, he confronts him and Masamune is completely smug about it. He’s all sly grin and sharp eye and smug voice that asks can you not take it? Then what are you going to do about it, Red? There’s a challenge there, and we all know Yukimura never backs away from a challenge. So he kisses him. It’s quick and makes an ugly smacking noise but it’s a kiss. Yukimura opened his mouth to apologize, but then see’s Masamune as shocked and red-faced as he is and goes silent. It’s awkward for everyone.

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?

Masamune is both of them, though the water thing is just because he is a lazy jerk, and Yukimura is really obliging when he’s half asleep and Masamune says he would appreciate his awesome boyfriend doing this for him. He’s also the one who is up the latest and when he’s hungry he’s just too lazy to get food himself.

Yukimura sleeps like the dead though, so even if Masmaune bangs around downstairs he doesn’t tend to wake up.

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?

Masamune, but he is very shy about showing his poems to anyone. They are something very private, and he remembers showing some other boys his poetry and being made fun of so he keeps this hobby close to his chest. He might show Yukimura, one day, but not until they have been together a fairly long time.

If Yukimura did happen to discover them, Masamune would rip them from his hands, blush furiously, and say something like “Yeah, these are mine. Got something to say?” Yukimura would be enthusiastic in his praise even if he did apologize for intruding on Masamune’s privacy because he is just so thrilled. Masamune wrote these words, about him, he’s invigorated and grinning and so full of happiness his face is turning a bit red and Masamune can’t help but have a small smile of his own even if he is mortally embarrassed.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

If there are crazy stunts to be done they are going to be doing it together. Opening the door for the other? They are sprinting down the street to be the first one there. Bouquets? They are both going to try and get the biggest, most flamboyant bunch of flowers for the other. Seriously, they probably turn every grand gesture into a competition and poor Sasuke and/or Kojuro end up having to drive them to the emergency room while they go on about how cool that was and I totally won.

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

Masamune wears a monocle to read sometimes and is kinda self-conscious about it. Because one: he has enough eye problems and two: it’s a monocle. Yukimura thinks it looks kind of cool and will sometimes try it on himself. It keeps falling out, but Masamune doesn’t mind because it’s very cute.

#Anonymous #Sengoku Basara #Date Masamune #Sanada Yukimura #DateSana #Ship: A Fire in my Heart #Dear God #Why was this so difficult #I need to rewatch the show seriously #But yet stuck in Hamilton Hell #Ugh #Headcanon #Thanks again!#Hope you enjoy #Have a great night!

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whyismyhairsostaticyy · 5 years

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Where to Buy the Best Hair Extensions

What are the best hair extensions?

Why is my hair so staticy , difficult and time consuming, and buying the wrong type or overly processed or treated hair can prove to be a very costly mistake.

Learn about where your hair extensions REALLY come from!

CAN I VISIT THE SUPPLIER? Do you know much about your supplier/extension artist?

Are you really comfortable handing over hundreds of dollars to someone you "hope' will sell you a good product?

Please don't make the mistake of simply thinking that if you receive a sample of the hair it will mean you will be buying good hair in the future... many suppliers simply have a some good hair samples and then they send out bad hair after an order is made. You really need to see several packets first to ensure the hair will be high quality on a CONSISTENT basis... especially if you are going to buy it long term.

STEP 1

Can you visit the supplier?

Be sure your hair extensions provider/artist has an 'open door' policy. Even if they are too far away... to visit... do they allow the public to see the hair before they buy?

Can they show you the different type of hair before you buy it?

Do they have examples of non-remy and real remy hair to show you so you can be 100% sure the product they are selling is the real thing?

Yes I know all of this effort seems like a lot but it is important especially if you intend on purchasing or having hair extensions regularly.

If the provider hides behind a website... you can be pretty sure they also have something to hide

European and Russian grade hair

Growing hair for extensions is serious work. Some women and men who grow hair must follow a special diet to ensure that their hair will be healthy, well nourished and of the best quality.

STEP 2

What is the origin of the hair?

Asian Hair

Indian Hair

Unfortunately due to the rising demand in human hair extensions Indian hair is often mixed with synthetic hair and/or animal hair during processing.

So where possible it is much better to buy 100% human European or Russian hair if you have a European texture.

Step 3

Is the Hair Remy?

The next critical step in purchasing hair extensions is whether it is remy or not.

You may be on a budget and think... well this hair is super cheap and probably isn't remy... but it should be OK... you will just brush it a bit more... right?... wrong!

Non-remy hair is a girls worst nightmare and something you NEVER want to deal with.

Initially before the silicone coating has worn off... you may find it easy to manage... but after a few washes the real state of the hair reveals itself. It will tangle and matt terribly!

Now you understand you should never buy non-remy hair...

The seller often have little or no experience in hair extension care, application and processing methods and little knowledge of the true origin of theair itself.

Often untrained and inexperienced companies believe selling human hair is like any other product.

For all the afore mentioned reasons, it is very important you find out how much experience your seller really has.

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mindcoolness · 7 years

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Is Suppressing Emotions Bad For You? Jocko Willink Vs. Science

New Post has been published on http://www.mindcoolness.com/blog/suppressing-emotions-bad/

Is Suppressing Emotions Bad For You? Jocko Willink Vs. Science

Should a man suppress his emotions? More precisely, should he contract his (facial) muscles to avoid displaying an acute emotion he has judged as bad in order not to look hurt, angry, sad, afraid, excited, exhausted, disdainful, or intimidated?

Science Vs. Experience

According to the scientific literature, suppressing emotions is a maladaptive emotion regulation strategy. It is linked to anxiety and depression (Schäfer et al., 2017) and impairs well-being (John & Gross, 2004), cognitive functioning (Richards & Gross, 2000), and relationship formation (Butler et al, 2003). Emotion suppression diminishes our happiness, makes us forget what was actually going on while we were stifling our emotion, and causes troubles connecting with other people on an authentic emotional level.

Furthermore, emotion suppression a relatively ineffective emotion regulation strategy because it starts regulating the emotion when it is already in full effect, which requires a lot of effort and often sets in too late (Sheppes & Gross, 2011).

Have you ever tried to suppress your nervousness when you were really nervous? Emotion suppression upsets the body with a stress response (Gross, 1998), including increased activation in the amygdala and sympathetic nervous system (Cheng et al., 2009). This amplifies the emotional reaction. The more we fight being nervous, the more nervous we get.

Another major problem of emotion suppression is that it focuses the mind on a negative emotion. By suppressing a feeling of anger, we start worrying about feeling angry. This attaches us to the emotion and heats up our mind. In addition, we start tensing our muscles, which costs energy.

Still, there seems to be something valuable in stoically forcing the body to express rational pride rather than irrational emotions—staying cool in the face of adversity. A real man does not get angry and a real man does not cry, right? In the video below, Jocko Willink and Echo Charles discuss the warrior’s approach to emotional self-control.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG3rDKPN_ZY

God, I love this clip (pardon my emotional expression). Here are the key points:

Don’t express negative emotions by complaining or making excuses—it’s a weakness.

Separate your feelings from your behavior: act like a winner, no matter how you feel.

Don’t react emotionally and don’t let your emotions out on other people.

Don’t lay your cards on the table by letting other people see how you feel.

In cases of deep grief or severe trauma, you have to express your emotions to restore mental health.

In everyday life, stifle your emotions: by keeping them inside, you learn to manage them.

According to the scientific evidence, following this Machiavellian advice of not only verbal but also muscular emotion suppression can make us anxious and depressed. Moreover, does stifling our emotions not stifle us altogether? Does it not turn us into slaves of our frontal cortex, slaves of our overthinking mind, slaves of our self-inhibition?

For Jocko, the discipline to suppress emotions is a matter of freedom. But what about the courage to express emotions—is this not a form of freedom, too? Shouting out our hatred, punching out our anger, crying out our sadness, shaking out our fear, and dancing out our joy: some people experience emotional expression as supreme self-liberation.

Do Your True Will!

The Mindcoolness approach to emotion regulation is, as always, doing your True Will, which can mean one of three things:

Emotion suppression is one of your core values because you want to appear masculinely stoic at all costs. (Be aware that this may be an ego issue.)

Emotion expression is one of your core values because you want to appear uninhibitedly authentic at all costs. (Be aware that this may weaken your will.)

Emotion suppression/expression is merely a tool to do whatever is in line with your core values. (This is what I will discuss further below.)

Emotion suppression, even though not optimal for your bodymind health, can be useful in competitive situations: If you get knocked out in a fight because you showed pain or fear, you probably failed to do your True Will. If you lose a million dollars in a poker game because you showed excitement or worry, you probably failed to do your True Will. If you did not close a business deal because you showed anger or disdain, you probably failed to do your True Will.

Although stifling your emotions can be necessary in heated situations as a short-term solution to achieve your goal, other situations may afford you to express your emotions, say, by creatively expressing your inner life in an artistic way, by letting off steam on your heavy bag at home, or by being delighted to see your girl again after three months. However, only if your default first response is spontaneous emotion suppression can you choose whether ensuing suppression or expression is more useful—and more true to your will—in your specific situation.

Healthier Stifling

To suppress your emotions in a healthier manner, consider it a pragmatic self-control exercise, keep it brief, and bundle it with adaptive emotion regulation strategies: learn to accept whatever emotions come up, learn to reappraise emotional situations, and learn to redirect your attention to solving the problem at hand. Hardening yourself through deliberate exposure to emotionally challenging situations (facing fears, etc.) helps, too.

If you judge an emotion as bad, you can even learn to become aware of your judging consciousness and accept the judgment itself as a whim of your mind. And if you separate your feelings from your behavior to do what you truly want to do, you can learn to focus less on the emotions and more on what to do next—taking action trumps worrying about emotions.

If you find yourself in a situation where you must stifle your anger to complete your mission, consider that bottling up your anger for a while conserves it, which enables you to meditate on it later and to ultimately attain greater acceptance. You can tell yourself that it strengthens your emotional immune system, but ensure that your expressive stifling is deliberate, strategic, purposeful—not reactive, impulsive, compulsive.

Also, beware of stifling muscle contractions becoming habitual patterns of impulsive reaction, because chronic emotion suppression is both mentally and physically debilitating. The line between stoic self-mastery and neurotic self-inhibition is alarmingly thin.

Now, finally, does a real man cry? Only if he truly wants to; so probably not. But maybe his life has taught him that crying can be a valuable tool for self-liberation or for communicating empathy: who are we to judge if we do not know his True Will? And does a real man get angry? Only if he truly wants to; so probably not. But maybe his life has taught him that anger is a valuable tool for self-expression or asserting himself: who are we to judge if we do not know his True Will?

This was me some years ago—practicing catharsis, which I learned is better for boosting testosterone than for managing aggression.

The Studies

Butler EA, Egloff B, Wilhelm FH, Smith NC, Erickson EA, Gross JJ (2003). The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion 3(1), pp. 48-67, doi: 10.1037/1528-3542.3.1.48.

Cheng L, Yuan JJ, He YY, Li H (2009). Emotion Regulation Strategies: Cognitive Reappraisal Is More Effective than Expressive Suppression. Advances in Psychological Science 17(4), pp. 730-735, doi: N/A.

Gross JJ (1998). Antecedent- and response-focused emotion regulation: divergent consequences for experience, expression, and physiology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 74(1), pp. 224-237, doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.74.1.224.

John OP, Gross JJ (2004). Healthy and unhealthy emotion regulation: personality processes, individual differences, and life span development. Journal of Personality 72(6), pp. 1301-1333, doi: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00298.x.

Richards JM, Gross JJ (2000). Emotion regulation and memory: the cognitive costs of keeping one’s cool. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 79(3), pp. 410-424, doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.79.3.410.

Schäfer JÖ, Naumann E, Holmes EA, Tuschen-Caffier B, Samson AC (2017). Emotion Regulation Strategies in Depressive and Anxiety Symptoms in Youth: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Youth and Adolescence 46(2), pp. 261-276, doi: 10.1007/s10964-016-0585-0.

Sheppes G, Gross JJ (2011). Is timing everything? Temporal considerations in emotion regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Review 15(4), pp. 319-331, doi: 10.1177/1088868310395778.