#good omens: and here are the four horsemen of the apocalypse

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Mr Gaiman! What do you think of Good Omens being rewritten from a Jewish perspective instead of a Christian one? (not for profit or anything just a fun idea to explore the theological differences through a work I adore)

If by "a Jewish Perspective" you mean, not using any material from the New Testament, you'd need to tell a very alternate universe version in your version of the story. Demons (and dybbuks) would exist, although there are different Jewish traditions about what they are -- but the concept of Fallen Angels isn't ever part of the story, so the Crowley and Aziraphale story might be a little harder to pull off. You'd lose the Four Horsemen, of course.

Here's a lovely article on Demonology from a Jewish perspective over the centuries: https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/demons-and-demonology

You still have the apocalypse, of course (lots of lovely apocalypses predicted) but they tend to tie in to messianism. So you'd probably have Crowley and Aziraphale working to stop the Messiah from turning up and ending the world.

(Here's a great set of essays on Jewish Apocalypses: https://www.associationforjewishstudies.org/docs/default-source/ajs-perspectives/ajsp12fa.pdf?sfvrsn=17fadb06_2)

It's not really theological differences, though. Both Good Omens and your hypothetically More Jewish version would primarily be leaning into cultural myths and stories and stuff that aren't anywhere in the Bible anyway.

(And the original Good Omens was at least half-written from a Jewish perspective: mine.)

[cosmerelists]

The Other Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse But Make It Cosmere

As requested by @round-hatches-are-terrifying. :)

In the Good Omens novel, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (War, Famine, Pollution, and Death), who are bikers, are followed by four other biker dudes who chose their own names to be, uh, equally ominous:

Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Really Cool People, and Treading In Dogshit (formerly All Foreigners Especially The French, formerly Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping, never actually No Alcohol Lager, briefly Embarrassing Personal Problems, and finally People Covered in Fish)

So let's say we had other Horsemen on various Cosmere planets. What would they be named?

1. Roshar (Stormlight Archive)

The Main Horsemen: War, Famine, Desolation, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Man-Eating Giant Crabs, Running Out Of Stormlight Right In The Middle of the Weeping, Ill-Conceived Boons, and Reified Gender Norms (formerly Men Reading, formerly Predicting the Future But Not Like Storm Wardens Do Because That's Just Math Basically, briefly just Predicting the Future)

2. Scadrial (Era 1) (Mistborn)

The Main Horsemen: Famine, Pestilence, Ash, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Child Abuse, Dangerous Piercings, Trying to Keep Literally Anything Clean, and Getting Hit in The Head With A Coin Like Every Night Because of Those Blasted Mistborn Flying About Everywhere

3. Scadrial (Era 2) (Mistborn)

The Main Horsemen: War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Social Unrest, Rich Bastards, ACAB, and Getting Hit in The Head With A Coin Like Every Night Because of Those Blasted Coinshots Flying About Everywhere

4. Nalthis (Warbreaker)

The Main Horsemen: War, Famine, Death, and Second Death

The Other Horsemen: Undead Squirrel Attacks, Being Out of Breath, The Haunting Realization that the Gods Who Live Among Us Are Actually Pretty Daft, and All Foreigners But Especially the Idrians

5. Threnody (Shadows for Silence)

The Main Horsemen: Fire, Blood, Running, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Fortfolk-Acting-Too-Big-For-Their-Britches, Withering-That-Does-Not-Kill-You-But-Does-Make-Life-Just-That-Much-Harder-Forever, Ghost-Grandmother, and Adonalsium-May-Remember-Our-Plight-Eventually-But-For-Now-It-Is-Pretty-Bleak-Out-Here-Guys

6. Komashi (Yumi and the Nightmare Painter)

The Main Horsemen: Nightmares, Famine, Pestilence, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Artist's Block, Being Straight on a Planet Where Even the Lighting is Bisexual, AI Art, and A Stiff Breeze Coming At Exactly The Wrong Time Noooo My Rock Stacks

7. First of the Sun (Sixth of Dusk)

The Main Horsemen: Bad Death, Worst Death, Quick Death, and Slow Death

The Other Horsemen: Mainlanders, Mainlander Capitalism, Kids These Days, and Suspicious Invaders (?) From Outer Space

8. Sel (Elantris)

The Main Horsemen: War, Famine, the Shaod, and Death

The Other Horsemen: Aggressive Proselytizers, Stubbing your Toe, People Who Do Not Accept The Word of Shu-Dereth And So Seal For Themselves Their Own Inevitable Doom, and I'm With The First Guy Who Said Proselytizers (formerly People Covered in Slime)

#cosmere #cosmerelists #Stormlight Archive #Mistborn #Warbreaker #Elantris #Yumi and the Nightmare Painter #Sixth of Dusk #Shadows for Silence

[ineffable-suffering]

The Curious Incident of The Flaming Sword in Good Omens

Just like so many other Good Omens red herrings, hints and *Aziraphale voice* clues, the question of 'What the fuck ist the deal with Aziraphale's flaming sword' has been absolutely tormenting my mind ever since S1 dropped all those years ago.

And while many of my other questions about S2 (like 'What the fuck is the deal with the Eccles cakes' or 'Who the fuck made the Gabriel statue') remain unanswered and could, possibly, just not matter at all and I should just get the fuck over them– the unsolved case of Aziraphale's flaming sword in S1 has always seemed like a weirdly important blind spot to me.

So, in an attempt to finally solve this knot in my brain, I made a timeline for the bloody Flaming Sword because what else would I spend my Friday evening on. Here goes nothing, I thought:

Aziraphale gets issued the sword by Heaven to guard the Garden of Eden in 4004 BC, and gives it away to the humans.

God asks him about it right after they humans have left Eden, Aziraphale lies to her and before even finishing speaking, God just loggs off and doesn't seem to care anymore.

The sword seems to be lost for the next 6000 years to follow and, once again, no one really cares.

The first time we see it again is when the International Express Man delivers it to War in the present day.

The next time we see it after that, is when Pepper effectively kicks war in the shin, makes her drop the sword and proceeds to anihilate her with it.

Brian and Wensleydale do the same to Famine and Pollution.

Aziraphale then wields the sword once more, despite never having to really use it (but hey, it looks capital-B Badass).

Lastly, our Holy Delivery Guy then picks up the sword together with the other (now deceased?) Horsmen's artefacts and they once again vanish.

Needless to say, I found myself nothing the wiser after making this timeline. It seemed completely useless. I still had no idea why the sword even existed and why they kept making such a big fucking fuss about it all throughout Season 1. So, I decided to make another list, this time with all the random ass questions I had about this random ass sword:

Why was it issued to Aziraphale in the first place? Since when does an angel need a random flaming weapon to protect two (2) humans that are already being guarded by a hundred-meter-high wall, when he could very well just miracle away any and every threat to both himself and them?

Was he given the sword to defend himself against demons? If so, why would they give him a burning blade instead of, for example, a Supersoaker full of Holy Water? (Sure, I'm fairly certain Supersoakers hadn't been invented yet, but you catch my drift)

Is the sword actually burning with hellfire? If so, it would a) still be a pretty useless weapon against demons, but also b) possibly explain why Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale were able to kill or at least temporarily get rid of three of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (who, be they whatever they actually are, surely count as some sort of immortal entities just like angels and demons do)

Did the sword actually kill War, Pollution and Famine? After all, the World as we knew it did get reinstated by Adam again once they managed to stop Armageddon. Does that mean that the three Horsemen were revived again too? Unless Season 2 takes place in a war-less, pollution-less and famine-less world, they must have somehow made their return (or never really died in the first place)

Where. The Fuck. Is. The Sword. Now? And why does it bother me so much???????

Alas, just like so many other questions, these too seemed to remain unsolved. And since the fucking sword didn't make a comeback in S2, I guessed that it probably just wasn't more than ... well, a randomly flaming, randomly misplaced, randomly unexplained Flaming Sword.

Nothing more than a plot device.

Hmm, right. A ... plot device.

Hang on. (And that's when it finally hit me.)

It's a fucking plot device.

Most authors and consumers of media are familiar with the use of plot devices in story telling. However, I personally had only every seen characters be used as such, to merely bring an important point across or further underline or advance a story's or main character's development or plot.

It wasn't until I was about to simply give up because I couldn't see my way out of the seemingly unlimited sword-related questions anymore, that I realized: There are no answers to those questions. Just like there are no deeper meanings to any other plot devices. Their sole purpose it so shine some light onto another, more important thing, story or character.

And in this case, that character is Aziraphale. Or more so Aziraphale's choices and his relationship with and belief in God and Heaven. The Flaming Sword (or more so Aziraphale's giving-away of it) is the first way of showing us that Aziraphale:

doesn't always aka pretty much never obey God's will (even all the way back in The Beginning),

will lie to God about disobeying Her

and possibly, just like Crowley joked about, was the one who by trying to do a Good Thing, accidentally gave away something that would later somehow become a literal War weapon, lmao

It also tells us that:

God apparently doesn't always care or cast them out of Heaven when an angel actively disobeys and lies to Her. Or, for all we know, Aziraphale giving the sword away and not admitting to it was somehow part of Her Ineffable Plan anyway.

Heaven is apparently absolutely useless at keeping track of its very few ethereal belongings. That's what you get for outsourcing work, you capitalists.

Right at The End, the sword returns to its owner who had it right in The Beginning too: Aziraphale. And not just that: It actually ends up saving the humans. For the second time. First all the way back in Eden, when it was just Adam and Eve. And now, 6000 years later, at what would have been the end of the World. Very poetic, *wipes away tear*

So yeah, there you go. That's the big revelation I have come to. Would I have preferred to uncover yet another sneaky Gaimanian easter egg just so I could wave it in your face like some sort of a puzzle solved at a scavenger hunt?

Sure.

But hey, sometimes flaming sword plot devices are just that. And I'll make my peace (or War?) with it.

#good omens #good omens s1 #gos1 #aziraphale #the flaming sword #this has been haunting me for years #because im insane in the membrane #alas i solved it #or something like that #my own meta

[willowmaidsworld]

Good Omens s3 clue

I realised I never posted this, although I made it ages ago! So here y'all go!

This is going to be long, and I hope it will make sense. Please bear with me to the end, I will eventually get to the Judgement Day, Armageddon, Death (and four horsemen of Apocalypse) and I will mention goats.

I noticed this tiny clue when watching s2ep3. Aziraphale drives to Edinburgh and the Bentley plays classical music. But not just any classical music – it’s Danse Macabre by Camill Saint-Saëns.

I am a musician and I've played this piece in the past, so I knew there was a lot of symbolism to uncover. And that thing is deeper than I thought. I will be speaking about some music theory, but I will try to make it as understandable as possible. 

I think it would be best, if you listened to Danse Macabre: https://youtu.be/…zrJ 

I would like to speak once more about the scene in which Danse macabre appears. Aziraphale is driving to Edinburgh in now a yellow Bentley, and he even has his "car sweets". He is quite satisfied. And he plays this, certainly dark-themed, music. It is a major contrast. 

Danse Macabre, "the dance of death" is a memento mori. Memento mori is a theme we see in art, and it originated in medieval times as reaction to the plague. It should remind us of our own mortality. “Memento mori” literary translates as "remember death". And mark my words, do remember death!

The composition uses tritones, a special kind of a music interval. (Interval is the tonal distance between two tones, you can play the tones together and/or separate.) Tritone is seemingly dissonant because it uses seemingly inharmonious tones. (You can hear tritones just at the beginning, the violins play it.) Because of its dissonance it was called "the devil in music" and was considered forbidden and associated with Hell/demons/death.

Since the music piece and the poem is based on the theme of Memento mori, I had to look into it as well. Turns out Danse Macabre was inspired by a poem by Henry Cazalis. Here is the poem: https://oxfordsong.org/…bre Memento mori doesn't only remind us of death and our mortality, it also reminds us, that everyone's equal in death. Henry Cazalis, the poet, writes: Long live death and equality! The poem is called, of course, Danse Macabre, but I found that it is also called Égalité - Fraternité (when reading stuff about it in French). This is a reference to the French revolution motto: Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité (Liberty, Equality, Brotherhood), but Liberty is missing. Is there then no Liberty in death and we are all doomed to obey someone's will, The Ineffable plan? (Good Omens book and season one also deals with topics of free will, look at Crowley and Anathema. She has been doing only the things her dead ancestor told her to do, she overcomes it in the end. I think it nicely illustrates the problematic of a free will. And Crowley values free will a lot.)

Memento mori says one thing - remember death, no one can outrun it. And there I would like to get back to season 1, because who else we meet here than Death itself.

Death is one of the Four Bikers/Riders/Horsemen of Apocalypse. But I always thought Death has a higher rank than the others. If you think of it, War, Pollution and Famine all lead to one thing- to Death. Why would you need all three then? Isn't Death qualified enough to do its job? Also, rewatch the scene where Adam and his friends battle them! War, Pollution and Famine all get destroyed by the flaming sword. But not Death- it spreads its wings and says (quote from the book): "You cannot destroy me. That would destroy the world." And later he adds that they are never far away. And he flies of. He isn't destroyed.

Death didn't appear in season two and I think people are starting to forget it, but Memento mori! Remember Death!

I would also like to remark that Neil Gaiman says the whole story is plotted out and that he has done this with Terry Pratchett. In every Discworld series book (the magnum opus of Sir Terry Pratchett), apart from two or three, there is the character of Death. And I think it would make sense that Death would appear in Good Omens as well, after all, it is also Pratchett's book. I think we might see Death returning in season three, because the Day of Wrath/Last Judgement/Armageddon is coming. And this music piece could serve as a literal memento mori - remember Death, it has not exited the scene yet. (A lot of Pratchett's humour is based on puns, and this seems like a joke/plot twist he would try to use. It's my personal opinion based on how I know his style from his books.) 

And what's next? Armageddon is coming, the Day of Wrath is here! Both sides are pretty eager to do this ending-of-the-world thing and after all, it's what they have been trying to start from the begging of the show. It was delayed by Gabriel's "disappearance", but things are now getting into motion, I think. 

But back to the Danse macabre, because it (surprise surprise!) has quite some things to do with the Judgement Day. In the middle of the composition Cammille Saint-Saëns uses a musical theme from a different work, a Gregorian chant called Deis irae ("Day of Wrath").

Here is a link to Wikipedia page about the chant, you can listen to it there. (I didn't find any recording on YouTube, only other musicians using the quite popular words of the chant and not the actual music.) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/…rae 

About the chant itself. It is written from the point of view of a sinner/normal person, and it describes how the Last Judgement shall be. Before dealing with the themes of the chant itself, I would like to say, that Saint-Saëns has used the Deis irae in a major key. Allow me to do a quick music theory intermission.

You can play in two keys, major and minor. These are, if I oversimplify things, sets of notes with different intervals. The melody, played one tone at a time, can be used in both major and minor key. The melody isn't the thing that determines the key of the song, the tones played with it do. And depends on what tones you use, you either get major or minor. Major is (in western culture) associated with happiness and good things, while minor with sadness. (It's not always like that, but for the sake of understanding we are going to pretend it is.) Now, the Deis irae is usually written in the sad minor key. Saint-Saëns decided to use the happy major key with this depressing chant, once again creating contrast. I'm stumbling over contrasts more than usually, so this may be important. End of the intermission. 

In the third and fourth strophe of Deis irae, it's described how the sound of a trumpet will sound everywhere and the Death will resurrect all dead creations to be brought to the Judge. (Death is back again and resurrecting, that sounds familiar, where have we seen that before?)

In the fifteenth strophe, the writer, a sinner, prays for this: Put me with the sheep and separate me from the goats, guide me to the right side! Goats again, there they are! This strophe of course references the chapter 25 in the Gospel of Matthew, the Separation of sheep and goats. Sheep go to the right and goats to the left. I think the side symbolism is pretty clear in Good Omens. Right is the righteous side and left is the sign of sin. And we also know how Crowley cares about the goats. There is also the Jewish tradition of scapegoat. Either way, goats are connected to Crowley, their symbolism of being “on the left side” is clear. This interesting bit can play part in Armageddon.

In the fifth strophe of Deis irae the Book, that is exactly and perfectly worded and that will judge all world, appears. And this book is no other than The Book of Life.

We know about Book of Life from the season 2, Micheal threatens to force "extreme sanctions" (erasing them form the Book) upon anyone who knows about Gabriel. 

Enter a fan theory I read: Nor Heaven or Hell actually have the Book of Life, we never see it on screen. This was mentioned in a tumblr post, and I will probably never be able to dig it up from the depths of the internet, so remember this is not my theory. (Although I find it very interesting.) The post continues and remarks, that when Crowley in the first episode of the second season learns about the Book and the "extreme sanctions" from Beelzebub, he doesn't bat an eye. He is pretty calm and doesn't seem surprised. (He literary says: "That will teach them a lesson", man, we're talking about being wiped from the earth's surface completely!) The writer of the post thinks, this is because Crowley knows that Heaven doesn't have the book and he knows where it is. The writer claims, it was Crowley, who took it as a little souvenir before his Fall, and later has hidden it in Aziraphale's bookshop. ('Cause one single book will definitely stay hidden in all those piles of old books.)

I think this is really interesting because of Crowley’s reaction. He knows what Aziraphale is risking, and he loves that angel, yet he seems so calm. When the bookshop burned down in the fifth episode of season one and Crowley thought Aziraphale died, he went feral: he was angry and furious, and he was destroyed by the fact that he has lost Aziraphale. He mourns and gets drunk. Nothing of this happens in season two! 

So, what are my thoughts on season three? It will get really dark and serious, the Armageddon is coming, after all. I think we will see Death return and the Book of Life will appear. The goats may not be used literally, like on screen, but I think we will get some metaphors.

In all of this, I tried to say one thing. All of the cards are laid out, we have all of the clues. It would be pretty cheap trick to use some ineffable "deus ex machina", that's not Gaiman's and Pratchett's style.

I think everything is now foreshadowed; we have been given all the information. We just haven't made the links in-between. Given the uproar the second season has caused, I think people are forgetting the first season a bit. But it must end with what it started with.

I think we should look at both seasons equally and try to pick up as much as we can, after all the third season will not be based solely on the season two...

We have all the clues, now it's Neil Gaiman who plays an ineffable game of his own devising, a poker that nobody has the rules for and the dealer, Neil himself, is smiling all the time. Ineffable, indeed. If you ask me, he's enjoying it bloody-well.

#good omens #neil gaiman #s3 speculation #good omens clues #good omens meta #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #good omens fandom #go 2 #david tennant #micheal sheen #good ineffable omens #ineffable fandom

[tranquilitybasehotelcasino]

ok so which killjoys correspond to which four horsemen of the apocalypse though. inquiring minds (me, who knows not a thing about these insane californian teenagers but likes it when characters represent/correspond to things and concepts) Want To Know

it's like good omens in here

#my art #mcr #kobra kid #party poison #fun ghoul #jet star #danger days #ask to tag. i know kobra kid's and fun ghoul's are kind of gross

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

sometimes i think about the fact that thru u (and rather indirectly through myself) i’m technically only one degree of separation from the actual real neil gaiman. my eleventh grade english teacher would be fangirling so bad right now. but he hasn’t answered any of my emails in the past two months so i fear the 7th graders may have eaten him.

anyway. that’s not at all the point of this.

the point is. my point. is. i read good omens five days before you somehow got stuck in this fandom. i have also never watched the tv show. who the heck is this muriel. why is there ice cream. what is going on. where are my four other horsemen off the apocalypse.

anyway. in summary. hello from the direct opposite but parallel half of the fandom. it’s been a doozy trying to keep up with things and maybe maybe maybe i’ll finally cave and watch the show. until then-

“actually, it was bloody beautiful.”

Hello anon maggot! Well, yes, I suppose that is true...? I remember back in the middle of Jan one of my mutuals said they were mutuals-in-law now with Neil. I'm afraid I have no bloody clue about how mutual culture actually works on tumblr.

I've nearly been two months on here now, but my, uh, vaguely downwards saunter on this hellsite doesn't seem to be the norm. Add to that the fact that during my first summaries of Good Omens, during the first week of Jan, I was questioning whether Neil was fictional or not.

Yeaaaaaah my life's always kinda strange I've learned to roll with it by now. I hope your (former?) English teacher has not, in fact, been eaten by 7th graders. Unless he was a tool, in which case, I hope they feasted on his mortal frame. I'm hoping that since he's a Neil fan he was not a tool and has not been consumed for sustenance by 12 year olds.

The ice cream is a brief scene in the first season, it's an easter egg for the plotline of Sadie and Dottie's whirlwind romance in season 2. I don't think that was included in the book, probably not, because they're actually a nod to characters in one of Terry Pratchett's novels I believe. Their romance is honestly the cutest, to the point that Neil resorted to using ridiculous plot threads of them to ward off people asking for S3 spoilers. But their canon romance, I mean, it's just insane. Muriel is an angel in season 2, they officiate the Sadie-Dottie union. I think they're a scrivener.

Absolutely bloody watch the show it's amazing. Really. It broke me and healed me in the best way and I need to rewatch the first season without the chaos of being newly kidnapped.

Hello to your side of the fandom from the dubiously elected official good omens mascot!! I'm terrified of reading the book because of how every time I see Crowley's name I get emotional, so it's currently sitting by me on my desk till I gain some pretence of stability (it's not possible for show fans to ever have real stability).

#good omens mascot #good omens #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #maggots #good omens fandom #crowley #aziraphale #lgbtqia #neil gaiman #aziracrow #good omens book #the nice and accurate prophecies of agnes nutter #book omens #gnu terry pratchett #ineffable brainrot #sadie and dottie #muriel #ineffable husbands #gomens #anthony j crowley #ineffable lovers #good omens brainrot #special spoilers

[o-uncle-newt]

I'm not going to reblog Neil Gaiman's thing about how S2's episodes "don't have any fat on them" but I DO have some (spoilery) reactions to that below the cut-

OK so I already did another post here where I gave my impressions of the writing- but Gaiman mentioning this actually reminded me of something that I didn't put in there at all but kind of wish I had.

Because honestly, I don't think that the episodes not having any fat on them is a good thing.

Here's the thing- Good Omens, the book and the first season of the TV show, is a bunch of set pieces that loosely come together into a plot. The TV show less so, maybe- there's more of an effort to create a narrative- but fundamentally it's a bunch of ridiculous stuff all strung together to create the Apocalypse. (Like, there's a reason why book fans were so upset when the Four Other Horsemen of the Apocalypse didn't show up in the show- they did literally nothing for the plot but they were absolutely hilarious.)

So far, in the first 2 episodes of S2, I have to agree with Gaiman that there's no fat on them. And I think that's one of the things that kind of threw me. EVERYTHING that has happened thus far has felt like it's something that's probably going to lead to something else, like it's connective tissue for the upcoming story that will presumably make more sense later- and while there's plenty of entertainment and humor and sweetness, it's all to the point. You have to be paying attention, you have to take everything seriously (even if it's something that by rights feels inherently unserious) because it could matter later.

In S1, you didn't have to think too carefully about why a telemarketer is being eaten by maggots or even why there's still a witchfinder in the 21st century (for the show) because fundamentally it doesn't REALLY matter. Something will all come together at the end and in the meantime you can just enjoy it in the spirit in which it's given, which is of course an insane one. Each scene is just fun on its own. (I think this is in some ways truer in the book than the show- there were a lot of these scenes that I don't think worked on the show- but that was more about the execution than the concept.)

The fat in S1 was the good part, really. The plot wasn't all that important- it was all the moments along the way.

The closest thing to fat (to continue to use the metaphor) in S2, so far, is the minisode. It's the only thing where it doesn't necessarily feel like you'll be tested on it later. And it's also easily the best part of those episodes! You can just watch it and take all the ridiculousness for granted because it doesn't really matter. It's there to draw out the characters, it's there to give the world more color, and it's there to entertain.

Not that S2 isn't also there to entertain- it very much is, but it doesn't really have time to. It can be silly and random in the way that the book and S1 are, but instead of those being random throwaway moments (like Newt blacking out all of Dorking in the book- which signifies that his tech-unsavviness may be relevant to the plot later but is really mostly just there to entertain because it's so out-there), they are intrinsically tied into whatever the plot will turn out to be. That's really clear, even though we don't actually know yet exactly what the plot is going to be! The leanness of the plot is immediately evident.

I think, so far, that the main negative consequence is that it makes it so much harder to suspend disbelief. When you have a ridiculous moment in a throwaway scene, that's worldbuilding- it shows that this is the kind of world where ridiculous things happen, and then when a particular ridiculous moment ends up being important to the plot, that's fine because it's part of a whole constellation of ridiculous things in this ridiculous world- they've already deconstructed our sense of disbelief. When all you're getting is plot, when something a bit crazy happens you're like "oh, hang on, that doesn't make sense, that's a bit farfetched."

I think that that's one of the things that, so far, is giving "fanfic vibes" to the first two episodes. Maggie and Nina get locked into the cafe? In their first episode?! When we know that they're going to get together?!?! That's ridiculous. In the book and to a lesser degree S1, where like five other ridiculous things would have already happened that aren't heavily signaled to be important to the plot (Gabriel doesn't count because we know he's important to the plot too), this would just be one more ridiculous thing. In S2, it feels like something we need to suspend disbelief for because we haven't really had it suspended for us yet.

Everything I write about Good Omens here is going to come down to John Finnemore in the end because I can't help myself lol, but honestly, my first thought was "well he's really into plotting, so maybe this is part of that." But- he's also done nine and a bit seasons of a sketch show. While he was writing this he was also writing a season of JFSP (the sublime S9) where there was very minimal plot but everything was propelled by character building sketches, very much in the spirit of Good Omens. He knows exactly the power of random ridiculous moments to build the world and explain its ludicrousness. When him being a writer was announced, I saw so many people say "he's definitely got a bonkers enough brain to do this" except that it turns out that, while true, his bonkers sketch-writing brain doesn't really have a lot to do here.

That, plus the fact that I'd be really surprised from everything that I've heard over the last 2ish years if Gaiman wasn't the first and final voice behind everything written for this season, leads me to the conclusion that the issue might just be that S2 may be, as a group effort, over-plotted for its length. There's little room to breathe and live in the world. There are barely any humans, and as such there's not much time to remember that the story is set in a world where humans matter, which, as I pointed out in my previous post, is something that was really important in Good Omens the book and S1. It just doesn't have any fat.

Now- I should be clear- as I said with the other post, it is way too early to tell if GO2 is good or not, because all of the stuff in E1-2 was clearly building up to other things that haven't happened yet. I actually think S2 probably will be good. The above may not be "issues" per se. But I do think that talking about the original Good Omens like the "fat" is the problem kind of misses the point of why so many people liked it- and leaves GO2 with a pretty big burden to overcome in order to convince viewers that it is a continuation of the same world and same story they loved in S1.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #gos2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #john finnemore #john finnemore's souvenir programme #jfsp s9 #because I can't help myself

[the-woild-is-ye-erster]

Okay this may be my hottest take ever but I… bear with me… dislike how popular Ineffable Husbands is. Let me explain. Good Omens has been an incredibly important book for me since the first time I opened it at 11 years old. It’s shaped everything from my writing style to my views on society and the world. It’s safe to say I’ve read this book 8 times at least.

Season 1, also very dear to me. I loved seeing these characters on screen and although some parts were different or cut, everyone worked so hard in their roles that it brought the book to life.

Now, here’s where I get lost. Good Omens is a story about the end of the world, and while yes its “main” characters are an angel and a demon who are very fond of the world and each other, the simple fact is that they aren’t what’s important about the story. They are fun and deep and amazing characters, but so are The Them, and Anathema and Newt, and Agnes Nutter, and Shadwell and Madam Tracy, and Warlock, and the four horsemen (and other four horsemen)/ bikers of the apocalypse, and that one televangelist that lives rent free in my head, and that guy who sees the trees take over the city and R. P. Tyler and everyone else.

They make the story. They are the humans— sans the four bikers—, and this gets lost in the fandom and, dare I say it, season two. I will say right now that I adore season 2, it’s what I’ve waited 4 years for and I would never ever criticize Neil Gaiman as I am definitely not qualified enough for that.

But.

Season 2 makes it all about Aziraphale and Crowley. It loses the message of the book and becomes almost a sort of rom com (for all our yelling and heartbreak and accusations of liar, Neil was right. It is quiet, gentle, and romantic). This is not inherently bad at all, but to me, it’s not Good Omens. It’s not the same. Crowley and Aziraphale were never my favorites, they were never where the meat of the story is at, so that’s where my point comes from I guess.

I am so glad we have representation like them. Middle aged queer people who have god knows what gender fuckery going on. But, sometimes I wish we talked about anything other than them. I wish I could find thoughtful analysis and writing and art just about the book (and even the show) that wasn’t simply “Crowley and Azirapahle aren’t together and they’re sad but then they are and now they’re happy.”

I don’t want anyone to read this and think I don’t like the ship, I love it, it was my first ship. But, sometimes, I just wish Good Omens hadn’t turned into a romance. I wish it was still the delightfully funny and childishly dark story that made me think, for the first time, writing was something I wanted to do. Because it was more than just a story, it was an idea.

TLDR: I love Ineffable Husbands, but I wish the fandom could talk about literally anything else for a change

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens meta #maybe #this is probably controversial #Crowley #aziraphale #I know I’m just being picky #but I want more than just our favorite angel and demon #I want Good Omens to mean something more than just a romance show #ineffable husbands #hopefully this doesn’t upset anyone #and makes sense #I just needed to get my thoughts out there #and if anyone finds this with the same ideas as me #please direct me to the corner of the internet where you came from #I’m not reading this again so if there’s spelling mistakes no there’s not

[builtintripping]

so as i was brainstorming for my reverse omens au because i also want to switch the other characters, i thought who would the antichrist be? who does adam switch with? we know that the them are parallel to the four horsemen of the apocalypse, so i have the biggest brain blast...

so even before this april fools post was made, i had been reading terry pratchett's novel, mort!! the synopsis is almost the same as what's written here, (plus death has the same desc on mort and good omens as having sparkling blue eyes) and since more people are now aware that this novel exists, i've figured i finally reveal who death/the anti-christ is in my reverse omens au!!

he's not the exact same character from the book, rather an au version of him if he was in a good omens plot (and aged down to 11)!! also he's childhood buddies with human versions of war (scarlett), famine (raven), and pollution (chalky)! i haven't drawn them much yet, but i got too excited to show some mort concept art!! 🕺

looking forward to doodling more of the sillies 🤭

#good omens #mort #terry pratchett #bad coincidences #good omens reverse au #reverse omens #go #gomens #anti-christ mort #good omens au #the them #my art #fanart #doodles #discworld

[kchasm]

Ryu Number Chart Update: Darksiders

Here's a potential puzzler for you. Is Death death? (Stick with me for a moment here, okay?)

For some context, in the Darksiders franchise, Death—one of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—is a major character. Most media where the Horsemen are a Thing tend to have Death (the horsemen) be the same character as the general personification of death, just specifically doing the Horseman thing at the moment. Good Omens goes with this interpretation, if I remember Good Omens right, which I very much might not. It's been a while.

In Darksiders, however, the Four Horsemen are, uh, cosmologically complicated. Specifically, they're Nephilim—fusions of demons and angels yes I know that's not what nephilim are supposed to be I didn't make this game—who rebelled against the Charred Council (a mysterious body who nebulously keep the balance somehow; it's really not clear) and were in turn eradicated by the only four nephilim who sided with the Council. These four became the Horsemen, and were subsequently sent out as the Council's underlings whenever a Real Big Issue required that sort of response. In the four games in the Darksiders series, there's approximately one line that could maybe with some creativity and also if you looked at it sideways be interpreted as the Horseman Death being also Death in general, but... Nah, I dunno, man.

Anyway, that's why "Death/Grim Reaper" and "Death (Horseman)" now have their own respective points in The Chart. Don't at me.

Not being able to use the Grim Reaper skin from Minecraft to hop between Ryu and whichever Darksiders character you want is a bummer, admittedly.

Luckily, Lilith is a Marvel character.

(That's her in the background. That's her at the bar. Side. Losing her religion.)

Funny thing—Usiel (often seen spelled "Uziel" or "Uzziel") is usually depicted as either a fallen angel, or a demon. There are a few sources that put him on the side of being a good'un, though, so this portrayal is cromulent enough. I mean, as cromulent as anything from Darksiders can be in relation to varying and contradictory Judeo-Christian tradition.

(Per game lore, a bunch of pseudo-Celtic-Norsey Old Ones are hanging out in a side dimension or something. I dunno, man. Darksiders II was weird.)

Lilith appears in Darksiders II and Darksiders III, which is nice if you're trying to reach a character from Darksiders II and Darksiders III, but less so if you're working with the original Darksiders or Darksiders Genesis.

That's alright, though. Turns out the Four Horsemen are up and summonable in Scribblenauts Unlimited:

... Y'know, I really do think there ought to be a quicker path to Azrael that exists somewhere in the Wide Wide World Of Video Games, but if there is, it's not on The Chart at the moment, so it doesn't exist. Don't at me.

Or actually, do at me. Then I can put that game on The Chart, too, if it doesn't give my arbitrary taxonomy a tummyache.

Incidentally, because I read up on angels a whole lot going through these games and if I can't Show My Work on my own blog where else am I gonna do it: Here's a Thing.

"Now, hold on a tick," I hear you say. "What are Moloch, Astarte, and Dagon doing in this game as Lucifer's mooks? Astarte wasn't a demon; she was a goddess in Ancient Near East religion, sometimes considered the equivalent of Ishtar! And Dagon wasn't a demon; he was an ancient Syrian god of prosperity! And Moloch... well, actually, nowadays people don't think Moloch was even a Thing, but he was traditionally interpreted to be a Canaanite god associated with child sacrifice! Excuse the pun, but what the Hell's going on?"

You might assume that some Final-Fantasy-style hinkiness is afoot—that the creators of Darksiders Genesis named their characters after mythological figures that are thematically similar but ultimately unrelated (go on, try to convince me that any incarnation of Final Fantasy's Leviathan is the same one from the Book of Job) (Please do not actually do this)—but it turns out we can heap the blame on one dude in particular: John Milton.

That's right, it's all Paradise Lost's fault. Turns out that according to Miltonic lore, Moloch, Astarte, and Dagon were originally angels, but then joined with Satan in his rebellion, fell, and subsequently played as gods to deceive mankind. Now, is it a little iffy that Milton took a bunch of non-Christian deities and went "yeah, these were demons all along"?

Most def. He was following in well-established Christian tradition, though. Ba'al-Zebub was a deity of the Philistines, while Belphegor comes from the deity worshipped by Moabites at the mountain peak of Peor, biblically referred to as "Ba'al-pe'or." Astaroth is another one that comes from Astarte. And of course, the less said about Baphomet, the better.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that no, I'm not counting this Dagon as the Syrian one. Or the Lovecraftian one, for that matter.

Don't at me.

#ryu number #darksiders #darksiders: warmastered edition #darksiders ii #darksiders ii: deathinitive edition #darksiders iii #darksiders genesis #ryu #ultimate marvel vs. capcom 3 #lilith #usiel #super smash bros. ultimate #mario #scribblenauts unlimited #scribblenauts unlimited (wii u ver.) #war #azrael #belial #moloch (paradise lost) #astarte (paradise lost) #dagon (paradise lost)

[captainvulcant]

Communication and Escape Velocity - Couples in Good Omens Season 2

Something that I really love about Good Omens is all the little ways in which things are balanced (light and dark, good and evil, young and old, etc), and mirrored (various couples vs each other, the Them vs the four horsemen of the apocalypse etc). As someone who likes both symmetry and metaphors this is very satisfying, and I love that we see it in season 2 also with the three main couples portrayed.

What I find super interesting though is the differences in each relationship, particularly with regards to the speed the relationship progresses at, and the amount of communication between the partners.

First we have the newest couple: Maggie and Nina

I don't think we're told exactly how long they've known each other, but certainly their relationship as anything other than people who work on the same street is new. Throughout the 6 episodes their relationship progresses the fastest, from acquaintences to acknowledging their feelings for each other. They also have the most open and frank communication of all three couples (even when they are disagreeing their communication is proactive and they both understand what the other is trying to say), and though they don't end up together their resolution is still satisfying because you know that this was the right decisions for them in that moment, reached together through good communication and good decisions.

Communication 9/10 | Speed 8/10 (8 rather than 9 simply because they also put the breaks on their relationship)

Next we have Gabriel and Beelzebub

If we assume this takes place four years after the first series then Gabriel and Beelzebub have been meeting up for that whole time and their feelings have developed in this period. They've also gone from enemies on opposite sides of a celestial war to leaving everything behind for each other. For humans this would be a reasonably normal timeframe for this kind of change. For beings as old as these two this is like getting the bullet train vs going via donkey.

When their relationship starts they're not open in their conversation, but as it progresses they start to be more honest with each other and their communication improves. They realise that they both have a lot in common and that neither of them wants the war to go ahead. They realise their feelings for each other and make a mutual decision to leave for a new life together.

Communication 7/10 | Speed 7/10

And then finally we come to Aziraphale and Crowley

Their relationship has been building for the past 6000 years. It is the slowest of slow burns, but much of that is because their communication is not in harmony. We the audience knows they're in love, random strangers they pick up in cars know, people serving them coffee know. And they know, or at least each knows they love the other. But, unlike the previous two couples, this is not communicated well between Aziraphale and Crowley. In fact, the couple with the best communication even tells them this

They had to invent an apology dance because they're so bad at talking (ok, admittedly this is my interpretation, and it is hilarious, but I do think there is something to Aziraphale and Crowley's invention of so many rules and habits and routines with regards to each other. It's like dancing - they like to follow a certain series of familiar steps because it gives them a safe framework to work within when it comes to each other. This is also shown in their formulaic approaches to getting Nina and Maggie to fall in love).

But this results in a situation where, when they do communicate, they often say things they don't mean

or say things to obfuscate what they do

That isn't to say they haven't made progress from season 1, they definitely have. But the other two couples are there to hold a mirror up to Crowley and Aziraphale and say, look here's what can happen if you would just be honest with each other. Instead, Aziraphale and Crowley tend to assume what the other means in any conversation and usually get it wrong (hinted at in their conversation about Gabriel at the beginning of the series and then clearly shown in that disaster of a conversation at the end).

Instead they give each other gifts and quality time and use physical actions to try and express what they can't communicate well in words

Communicating might not solve everything and make things simple and easy (Maggie and Nina), it might create more problems and cause a series of ridiculous events (Gabriel and Beelzebub), but, as we have seen, when these two are alligned in their communication and thinking and goals they can create miracles of such magnitude it sets off alarms in heaven.

Communication 2/10 | Speed (Pre Season 1) 1/10, (Post Season 1) 4/10

#good omens season 2 #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 spoilers #mpost

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 5 Transcript: Neil Gaiman, You Have Such a Limited View of Gender

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 5: “The Doomsday Option.”

G: Yep. This episode. Lots, lots, lots of buildup. I think it was last episode when I said, "Oh, it's curious that the Apocalypse is going to happen and I bet it's going to be short as hell, and yet we have two episodes left." And now I'm like, "Yeah, we have two episodes left." 'Cause this episode is so- Well, I would say it's nothing. A lot of things happen. But a lot of things also don't happen.

C: I would call it so nothing. I think this is all necessary for the sake of like, building suspense, but there's nothing to discuss for most of it.

G: Yeah. But the things that we do want to discuss, I feel like we will discuss.

C: Yeah, yeah. So like, first ten minutes of the episode, discuss. Rest? I don't know. [G laughs] People are driving places.

G: Who GAF?

C: Who GAF? Also, I'd say that every part of it that's not about building up suspense is about making jokes that are unfunny, partly because I've already seen the jokes, and partly because I just think it's like, millennial humor at the best for most of the show. So yeah.

G: You know what's fascinating, the first time I watched this, I was so entranced, and like, my heart was beating so fast, and I don't know. I was just really into it. And then the second time I watched it, which is this morning, like, I felt a lot for the scenes that, you know, one would feel a lot about. But the rest, I was like, "Who even give a shit?" Like, I don't want to see Shadwell in any way, shape, or form. [C laughs] Why is he here?

C: For fucking real. During my notes rewatch of this, I definitely felt the urge to play 2048 during it [G laughs] in a way that I haven't for any of the Gomens rewatch so far You wanna hit us with the synopsis?

G: Of course, which is a synopsis that we did not do [laughs] in Episode 4. For episode 5, it's "Adam and Them, Crowley, Aziraphale, Shadwell, Tracy, Newton, Anathema, and the Four Horsemen all converge on Tadfield to play their parts in Armageddon."

C: And I suppose they do.

C: Bit misleading, I feel. I mean they do, but like- Yeah, I suppose so.

C: [laughing] Did you want the summary to just be, "First, 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen plays. [G laughs] Then, 'Somebody to Love' plays," and then the rest of the synopsis?

G: For real! Have we considered that he took the book, and it's a souvenir? Have we considered that?!

C: Yeah. We've considered it. It's considered.

G: And we have considered it. Well, we shall start the episode. But before we actually do start the episode, I wanna tell you guys about [laughing] my experience of watching this episode the first time. So me and Crystal are still on the call, and I was like, "You know, Crystal, I understand that every time after we record, we talk about their lives and what's been going on with our weeks, [C laughing] and how, you know, everything is going on."

C: "But this time, I don't GAF."

G: "I do not give a shit about what you watched and what you learned, and blah blah blah! I want to watch Season 1, Episode 5 of Good Omens." So I did while Crystal was still on the call, and literally, it took me, I feel like, ten minutes to even press play because every time I play and I hear the opening notes of "You're My Best Friend," I just pause and start screaming so loud and so raw [C laughing] and like, going like, "I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!"

C: There was a lot of that.

G: And then I'll hype myself up eventually and be like- I'll be like, "No, I cant do it. Let's press play," and then I press play, and I go, "I can't do it!" So yeah, that was the state of mind I was in the first time I watched it. My god.

C: Yeah. The state of your head. He was your best friend.

G: He was my best friend, and, you know what? They were best friends.

C: And they still are, so, win. We open on- [laughing] Oh, god! Now it's affecting meee! [screams]

G: I can't do it!

C: Anyway. [screams] Okay. Okay. So it's an overhead shot of the Bentley driving through London to Soho, and like, "You're My Best Friend" by Queen is playing, right? But specifically, it opens on the- [screams] Okay. It opens on the lyrics- Well, the verse that goes like, "Ooh, you make me live / Whenever this is cruel to me / [both] I need you to help me forgive." Hello? Hello??

G: Is anyone else-? You know, they really do the budget with the Queen music this episode.

C: Oh, yeah, no, there's like, 4? 5? 5 of them?

G: I think there's- Wait, it's this one, "Somebody to Love-"

C: "Another One Bites the Dust-"

G: "I Love My Car" or "I'm in Love With My Car."

C: Oh, yeah, no, you're right. "I'm in Love With My Car," "Another One Bites the Dust-"

G: Bohemian!

C: "Bohemian Rhapsody," and "We Will Rock You." So yeah, 6.

G: Wait, when's the "We Will Rock You"? Oh, when he was asking for directions. Was it?

C: Yeah. From RP Tyler.

G: Yeah. My god, I love the part with the "Another One Bites the Dust" so much. I love it so much. So important to me. Well, anyway, so that happens.

C: Anyway! So that's playing. Right.

G: Also, I love the way that they do the music here because it is diagetic. I mean, it's supposed to be playing in the car, right? 'Cause he gets out of the car, it stops. And then goes into the shop, it starts again but as a record playing. And it's like, what? Did Crowley just go like, "You know what? [C laughing] You know what's the perfect soundtrack for this moment? 'You Are My Best Friend,' by Queen." And it's like, okay. Sure. Sure, buddy.

C: Yeah. Goddd. [both laughing] Anyway!

G: We need to get through this scene.

C: We've talked about forgiveness being a thing that Aziraphale says in the last two episodes. So yeah. Great choice of the verse to have on. And like, Aziraphale is gone, but Crowley doesn't know yet, but I do think that Crowley- Does Crowley know- Is there a way that Crowley can sense his presence? 'Cause, okay, Crowley's like, definitely got a very grim set to their mouth right now, and I think part of that is just Hastur tipping him off that Hell is aware that he and Aziraphale are allied, but, like, when he goes to the shop, he does not bother looking around very much before he declares that he can't find Aziraphale. So like, is there like, a sense of like, fellow celestial or occult being in the area that they have or? Eh. Whatever. Who knows?

G: Damn. I mean, if that's true, I'm sure they utilize that to hell and back in fanfiction. Good for everyone.

C: Oh, yeah. Yeah. [G laughs]

G: Also because when, you know, Crowley gets to the shop, there's like, "[gasps] Oh my god, it's burning!" you know. There's none of us. It's like, "Well, I'm gonna get out of the car. Gonna get in."

C: That's true. The script describes her expression as- It says, "Crowley is driving towards us, and he's angry, and he's scared, but he's Crowley, so he's trying as hard as he can to play it cool." So maybe it is a "Oh my god, it's burning!" but it's Crowley, so he's trying as hard as he can to play it cool.

G: Oh my god.

C: Yeah. While he's there, he's calling Aziraphale, and there's only three buttons that are pressed, so I'm assuming it's like, recent calls -> Aziraphale -> and then the call button. So that's nice.

G: We are so normal. [laughing]

C: It's- [laughing] They put the sounds of the buttons of the phone being pressed.

G: I can't believe you just said, "Crowley just clicked the phone three times, so that means recent calls." I support that.

C: It could also- Okay, it's that, or it's speed dial, right? In which case the buttons are like, phone app -> the one number that gets to Aziraphale -> and then call, which I also like.

G: Do you think they're each others emergency contact? Is that even a thing? Do you think that's a thing for them? Do they have emergency contacts?

C: If they are in a situation that they consider an emergency, I think having the other one there is the worst thing that could possibly happen-

G: That's true.

C: - given the state of the emergency or whatever it would be, so no, I think they just have each other on speed dial. Or, I mean, Aziraphale wouldn't because he doesn't own a cell phone, so it's just Crowley. What do you think his contact picture for Aziraphale is?

G: Crowley?

C: Yeah.

G: Well, we see it. It's like, a fire thing. That's why I asked you when I was watching, and you were like, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

C: Wait, it's fire? The photo for Aziraphale is just fire? What does that mean?

G: I'm going to send you a screencap of the scene.

C: Are you sure that's not just like, a general background?

G: No, it's not. Because it says "Aziraphale." Here, I'll send it to you. This is it.

C: Wait, that's not- When you call someone, their profile picture isn't the entire background of your call, is it? [both] I don't have an iPhone. Is that how it works?

G: I don't have an iPhone either.

C: I think that's just like, a general background. I don't think that that is the profile.

G: No, I think it is.

C: Really? Wait, whenever you call someone on your iPhone, their profile picture is just like, a giant your entire screen thing that you just have to look at that's obscured by the mute and keypad and such buttons? [G laughing]

G: I think it may be!

C: That sounds horrible! How is anyone supposed to cheat on their wife under these circumstances?

G: Maybe it's like, a magic contact photo that's like- Maybe that's why Crowley isn't surprised when they show up, and the thing is on fire because it's like, the contact phone is on fire, and maybe it like, changes to according to Aziraphale's or the bookshop's status.

C: Maybe?

G: Is that so corny?

C: I don't think that that's his profile picture for Aziraphale. Why would it be? It could- maybe it's default? Hi. Someone with an iPhone, please let us know- When you call someone, when the phone app is open, is the background of the call the contact photo you have of them? Let us know.

Anyway. So he pulls up, right? And while he's driving, we get the rest of the verse, like, "Ooh, you make me live now, honey / Ooh, you make me live," and then there's dialogue next, so it cuts out the "You're the first one / When things turn out bad" 'verse, which could mean nothing, [G laughs] but also means everything to me. And then the dialogue ends, and it cuts back in on, "You know I'll never be lonely / You're my only one / and I love the things," and then it cuts out again, which could also mean nothing, [G laughs] but also mean everything to me. So yeah, she gets out of the car. The firefighter's like, "Do you own this place?" And she goes, "Do I look like I run a bookshop?" and then just rushes inside. [overlapping] Snaps. Door opens, goes back in, snaps the door closed, which seems like a terrible idea for if there's like, a fire, but, like, I guess they just wanted privacy.

G: Yes. Not only is it a terrible idea, but they actually did this. Like, they- I watched the-

C: Yeah, they forced David Tennant to go inside a burning building and then-

G: [overlapping] - closed the door on him.

C: And then get hit with a hose! To the ground! [both laughing] Wearing his sunglasses and his contacts so he can't see a single thing inside a smoky building that's for real burning to the ground!

G: I love how Neil Gaiman was like, "He needs to be inside, and he needs to be burning, and if David Tennant dies, then so be it." Like, I respect that.

C: And it's not even like, "This is the last scene that we'll ever film, so it's okay 9f he dies right now," [G laughs] 'cause the last scene they ever filmed was 1941. Did you know that?

G: Oh, no, I did not know that.

C: Fun fact.

G: Why is that making me feel an emotion? [laughs]

C: 'Cause it's an important scene and it's like, the fact that the culmination of all of Aziraphale's love happens, like, I guess, in Michael's Sheen's face [both laugh] at the end of the rest of it feels like something, even though he's a professional actor so it doesn't actually matter. But anyway, yeah, no, he fully could have killed, like, darling of the Internet, of the stage and screen David Tennant. And, well. I just don't get why- I mean, I know why they burned the entire bookshop down. It's because they thought they weren't gonna make Season 2, and it like, would have been hard to CGI it to look nice, 'cause the CGI in Good Omens looks like shit all the time. But like, wow! Anyway, yep. David Tennant could have died. Didn't. Thanks, man.

Crowley goes inside, and, I mean, he starts screaming and shouting.

G: "Aziraphale!" C: And I can't do it justice. Grey, you wanna try the voice?

G: [laughs] No, I do not. [C laughs]

G: Yells Aziraphale's name a lot. "Where the Heaven are you, you idiot?" And then, "For God- for Satan- for somebody's sake, where are you?" And then, yeah, it's fire all around. Sort of just standing in the middle of the first room of the bookstore, like, looking around frantically and shouting to the sky, and like, not a lot of actual searching due to all the fire and how David Tennant is not immune to flame. [G laughs] And then there's like, a fire hose, and it hits Crowley like, directly in the chest. And she falls to the ground, and there's like, this music that plays that like, goes like, "ah" and like, also "ooh." You know the kind of music that goes "ah" and also "ooh." It's like, think Our Flag Means Death, like, Episode 3 ending, except like, I guess, sadder due to how it's not about meeting the love of your life. The sunglasses get knocked off, and we see their eyes. And it's like, usually, Crowley always has  the yellow eyes. But sometimes it's just like a human-sized iris, and then it's like, yellow, and like, the pupils are sort of normal. And then, like, in other moments, it's like, just the entire eye is yellow, and the pupils are like, slitted, and that is the type of eyes that she has right now. He goes, [both] "You've gone." in the most defeated and in pain voice. And then, he goes, "Somebody killed my best friend." Hello?? Is anyone here? Can anyone hear me?! [G laughs] God- I- And this is the first time that he says it, and I think it might be the first time he, like, ever says it, regardless of whether or not we see it.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be.

G: 'Cause I feel like Crowley would never tell Aziraphale, "You're my best friend".

C: Oh, no.

G: Not directly, of course. And like, Crowley, doesn't talk to anyone about Aziraphale.

C: Yeah, like, he can't. I mean, it's possible that there's like, some people that he talks to about it like, vaguely. I don't know. I feel like it would feel like too much to say out loud, so he wouldn't.

G: She's so mad, so mad, calling whoever is listening "bastards."

C: Yeah, yelling, "Bastards! All of you!" Which, I love that "bastards" is the swear word that Aziraphale wouldn't say last episode, and now Crowley is saying it. Like, yeah, what if they were familiar like my mirror years ago? And okay, what do you think Crowley means by killed? Obviously, discorporated would not have the same effect, but like, does he think that Aziraphale’s fully demon/holy water gone?

G: I think so. Gone. Dead. Yeah.

C: Great.

G: I mean, 'cause- Do we know? Can you just fucking tell me? Like, do we know any way that angels can be killed?

C: Hellfire.

G: Can you repeat that?

C: Hellfire.

G: Hellfire?

C: Yeah.

G: Well, of course he thinks that he's dead! It's on fire!

C: Well, wouldn't he be able to sense the difference between Hellfire and regular fire?

G: I don't know! What's the difference between holy water and non-holy water to someone who's not gonna be killed by it?

C: Fair. Well. Yeah. No wonder. Ahhh.

G: Oh my god! This is suddenly so much more painful! Sorry. [both laugh] There is like- I don't think there is any like, rationally sound way to think that Aziraphale isn't dead in this scene for Crowley.

C: Yeah.

G: We just heard Hastur say, "You and your best friend are in trouble." And then she gets here, and it's on fire, and apparently, Hellfire can kill angels.

C: Yup. Mm-hm. It sure can. [G laughs] Great. Great. I love- I love scenes in media.

G: [laughing] Is anybody else so miserable? [both laughing] We need to get past this scene and some point.

C: Yeah, um, okay, so, I mean, well, Grey, you were incredibly devastated when you heard about this scene last week. Did it live up to expectations?

G: I think so. I think it did.

C: Okay. I could have done with a bit more wailing, but I understand that it's not actually about them.

G: I mean, there were two songs that I knew was going to come up. So it's this one, and then I knew that this was the context. And I knew that "Somebody to Love" was gonna play at some point in the series, but not when, so I didn't know it was this episode. When it did play, I was like, "It's so corny, you guys. It's so corny." [laughing]

C: It is. It's so corny.

G: But the thing is like, it's so corny, and if it was any other show, any other anything, I would be like, "God. That is so corny." But like, in that moment, I was so- They have gotten me so bad. Just like what you said when I told you that I love "We Go Together" by Tennant and Tate in the Much Ado About Nothing bonus clip or bonus song. [C laughs] You were like, "Only a person who have been gotten so bad will say that," and I feel like only a person who have been gotten so bad will say that the "Somebody to Love" music cue is good. And you know what? They fucking got me.

C: Yeah. They sure did. So we end on just like, a shot of Crowley's, like, devastated face, while, like, she's still flat on her ass in the middle of a burning bookshop. And it sort of fades into Adam being creepy.

G: Noo, you didn't even mention the fucking book of prophecies!

C: Oh, yeah! I guess that matters something. Yeah. Right. He notices that the Agnes- The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter is like, on the floor, like, miraculously unburnt, and picks it up.

G: Yeah. Souvenir! The way- Can I just say, the way they say it later, right? "I took it. Souvenir!" And it's like, "This is the one thing that's left," and, I don't know, it's such a fucking- I don't know what the word is. Like, saccharine thing to do? Like, maudlin? What's the other word? It comes from such a place of like, sentimentality, that's it. Like, the world is going to end in maybe a day, maybe a couple of hours even, and the bookshop is burned down, Aziraphale is gone for good. "I'll just take this one book that's been that hasn't been burnt yet, and it will be the only memory I have this place of this angel." And it's like, "Okay. Slay!"

C: I didn't bother noting- when Crowley takes it out, where does he take it out from?

G: On the floor. It's on the floor.

C: He has to reach down to the entire ground to get it?

G: They're seated on the floor. They're on the floor because of the hose.

C: Oh, no, no, no, no! I meant when- in the pub.

G: Ah, in the pub. It was like, right beside him, I think.

C: Wait, [laughing] I actually want to check.

G: Okay. Well, let's watch it. I'm not complaining. [both laughing] Live reaction.

C: It seems to be resting either on the seat beside her or like, on her thigh, basically, as she's sitting.

G: No, it's on his lap! It's on his fucking lap! [laughing]

C: Yeah, okay. Cool. Cool. Great. I love television. [G laughing] God. The enthusiasm drop as soon as that scene ends and we just have to do the rest of the plot is gonna be crazy.

G: I mean, I really like their last interaction this episode. "Leave it to me."

-

C: Okay, so, Adam's going further evil mode, and his eyes are red, and they're not- Would you call these well-edited? I don't think I would.

G: It's not. The thing about Good Omens is when they do practical effects, they do it pretty magnificently.

C: Yeah. Crowley's eyes look great.

G: But all the CGI is so bad.

C: I mean, I get if the child actor can't really act with red contact lenses in, and also, you want more of a glowing effect and whatever, but like, wow! This looks ugly as shit. He's just telling everyone that blah blah blah, "It's a bad world. We can fix it. And doesn't matter that you three aren't my friends, 'cause I have better friends, and they're coming here, and we're gonna make everything better." And then we get the theme song.

-

G: So we are back in the bookshop and Crowley- There's this really dramatic pause where it's like, Crowley's just standing there- [laughs]

C: Yeah, in the doorway, like, wreathed in flame.

G: And God goes like, "Crowley had lost the Aziraphale, and the world was ending in a few hours. He was in Hell's bad books, not that Hell has any other kind." And music cue drops.

C: Yeah. I will say a lot of the God narration this episode feels completely useless.

G: Yes, like, why?

C: Some of it's not even in the book. Like, what are we even doing here? Like, I know all those things. I just saw those things happen.

G: Does this happen in the book?

C: Does what happen in the book?

G: You told me a couple eps ago that the TV show kind of diverges

C: I'd say Episode 3 is the largest divergence.

G: Oh, so like, here, it's like, fine.

C: Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, there's the burning bookshop and the screaming and the getting hit with a hose and being on all fours, hissing, covered in soot. Yeah.

G: God, he needed to be on all fours, hissing, for fucking real. [C laughs]

C: Aziraphale needs to come back so we can walk Crowley around Soho on a leash. Who said that? [both laughing] Anyway! I'll be more respectful to the poor widower. Let's continue.

G: Okay, let's. But no, the music cue drops, and it's "Somebody to Love," but specifically the part where it's like, [singing] "Find me somebody to-" Yeah, so it's the end of the song

C: And yeah, it's soo-

G: It's so corny.

C: Yeah, but it also- it's so good. [G laughs] God!

G: It's pretty good! This portion of the episode is gonna be so unbearable, we're just giggling and twirling our hair. [C giggles]

C: Yeah, the way it goes from the- like, last line of "You're My Best Friend" that we hear is like, the verse about how you'll never be lonely, etc etc, and then it goes right to here, and then, just like, the general vibes of the songs as well, where like, "Somebody to Love" is like, "I am so weary on my feet and desperate, and I just need somebody right now" is- yeah, yeah, that sure is what has been happening. At least, I know both of them are love songs, but I feel just like, if you just looked at the titles, and you looked at that progression of the titles you'd be like, "Oh, this is when Crowley realizes."

G: Do you agree with that? I don't think it is.

C: I don't think it is, but it is something you could think about.

G: It sure is something! Well, Crowley heads out, and you know, wearing the broken glasses, and then when they step out, they remove the glasses, and the song's still playing all throughout this, and they do like, a little bit of like, "I should litter. Should I litter? I'm a demon, I probably should. What the hell."

C: Yeah. “Nobody's keeping score anymore.”

G: And then she gets into the car, and [laughs] This- the- the- the face that is made in this car scene, it fucking gets to me. It's like, this, like, face of just complete like, shock and like, he's just so kind of disoriented and shocked. And he reaches into the compartment, the glove compartment, and we see that there's so many pairs of glasses there.

C: Yeah, there's like, twenty identical sunglasses in there.

G: And then he picks one up. Puts it on.

C: Yeah, uses his teeth to open the- what do you call the sides of glasses?

G: The stems.

C: Really? Okay

G: I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. No, but it's like the scene goes from Crowley looking disoriented and so so so so out of it due to being so upset to like, kind of like, this anger. And then that's why, when we get to the next scene, and it's like, him crying and lamenting, I was actually quite surprised. I thought it will continue on with the anger thing, and then, when it didn't, I was like, "Ooh. Ooh!"

C: I guess, I don't know, script book fun fact is that there was supposed to be like, sort of like, a big crowd of firemen and policemen outside, and, like, the taking off the sunglasses was like a "he looks at a cop with his snake eyes because he doesn't give a shit about hiding it any more" sort of thing. Yeah, he's just being very messy in front of a large crowd of people on the script, which, I mean pretty fun. Sorry, Crowley.

G: Yeah, sorry Crowley. And we proceed to a person that I do not care for whatsoever, and it's Shadwell. He is shocked, upset, etc, about the demonic possession exorcism thing.

C: He rings the doorbell with his elbow because he's afraid of his thumb. I thought that was fun.

G: Yes, but, you know.

C: Yeah, it's Shadwell.

G: I hate him, so, not funnay! And it isn't. Madame Tracy opens the door, and she guides him to her bedroom.

C: Yeah, or I don't know she sleeps in the same room that she does sex work in, but it's a bedroom.

G: Yeah, in a bedroom. And Shadwell goes to sleep. [both laugh] This is such a no summary summary. But yeah, that's basically what happens. Who give a shit? The important thing here is that Shadwell is in that place when he gets up later.

C: Yeah, he picks up like a pink flogger thing, and he is like, "Oh my god! Where am I?" And then there's the sound of a whip snapping that is the transition to Heaven.

G: To Aziraphale, yeah..

C: Does the set design of the room matter at all? Like, it's all pink and like, the bed is covered and stuffed animals, which, sure, fun, I guess.

G: Why not?

-

G: So we go to Aziraphale in Heaven, and he has a completely- not completely, I guess, but he has a different outfit. They removed all the tartan.

C: Yeah, it's the same outfit, but everything is completely white, and he looks so washed out and horrible.

G: Yeah. Yeah! And I quite like that detail 'cause- are we supposed to think that, like, those are the ones that are more attached to his corporation? So like, because they're physical, when he got discorporated, those cease to exist? I mean, that can be one way to look at it, but another way to look at it is like, you know, when you go to Heaven, they purposefully wash you out of your personality traits or whatnot.

C: Yeah, but when he's reporting in Heaven in Episode 1, he still his regular clothes, right?

G: Yeah. But this is different. This is different.

C: That's true, because this is not his body.

G: Yeah. Anyway, so that's all for the outfit situation.

C: The quartermaster angel is unfortunately played by the guy who played Anderson in BBC Sherlock, and unfortunately, I do recognize him immediately.

G: I don't even know who the fuck Anderson is, and I think I watched every single episode of that show.

C: He's like, one of the detectives that's like, mean to Sherlock, and it's supposed to prove how everyone who disagrees with Sherlock is a stupid poo-poo head.

G: Is soo schewpid.

C: Sure. Just like that.

G: And he is there, and he is upset that Aziraphale is late. Gives Aziraphale some clothes to change into.

C: At least he's got a great facial hair.

G: Yeah, the sideburns are fun.

C: His beard is in like, a bunch of like, pieces that are sort of like, sticking out. And all the angels, their battle outfits are kilts.

G: Pretty good. And, you know, Aziraphale is kind of doing the whole like, "Oh, I didn't mean to go here yet. I still have to do stuff downstairs." But the quartermaster is all, "Well, you have a whole platoon waiting for you." Which is fun! I think that's fun. Principality, Angel of the Eastern Gate. Principality is like, that's an actual word, right? Like, that's an actual angel classification? C: Yeah. Uh-huh. But Neil Gaiman does not really subscribe to any particular angel hierarchy. Like, I think there's one hierarchy where principalities are like, above archangels, but like, obviously, that's not what he's going for.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. This guy is like, "Wait, your name's Aziraphale? I think we gave you something. You were issued with-" And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I was issued with a flaming sword, but, you know, it's not my fault." [laughs]

C: "She was having a very bad day!"

G: And she was! Apparently, that's not what the quartermaster is asking, and in fact, he is asking where Aziraphale's body is. We see that Aziraphale looks at his hand, and it's like, transparent-ish. He's like, "Oh, I got discorporated because I wasn't ready when I hopped into the transportation portal." And I think at some point you said we are to assume that Aziraphale [overlapping] has never been discorporated once, and we hear it here. The body is 6000 years old.

C: Yeah, that makes me very emotional. He's had it for 6000 years! And he's been careful about it. I mean, not that careful, but Crowley saves his ass when he's not that careful about it, I guess.

G: Quartermaster's really pissed and calls him like, "You are a pathetic excuse for an angel!" And Aziraphale- I'm so proud of him for this.

C: I know!!!

G: 'Cause, you know, every single time you see him up in Heaven, he is so- Like, you know, with the Tadfield thing, right? Like, he was going to tell Heaven exactly what he wanted to tell them, like, he was preparing for it, and then when he gets to Heaven, it just goes to complete shit because he can't commit to being that assertive or speaking his mind as clearly as he has planned to. But here, he just straight up goes, "Well, I guess I am a pathetic excuse for an angel because I have no intention of [both] fighting in any war." It's so important to me.

C: Yeah, I'm so proud of him!

G: I am proud of him.

C: And  the way that, like, he starts like, "I suppose I am, really," like, a little bit sad, but then, like, musters himself up, and then is just like, fully determined and with it on the "I have no intention of fighting in any war." Proud of him.

G: The quartermaster's still going like, "Yeah, just fucking get into place, and I won't say anything about anything and the sword and the body." Aziraphale just goes, "I will return, no matter what." When told that this is ridiculous because he doesn't have a body, the quartermaster goes, "You can't possess, like, people," and Aziraphale goes, "Demons can." [C screams] And, you know, they're made of the same stock. So I suppose if he tried hard enough, he can possess people. I thought this was an interesting conversation, especially because later on, there's, you know, the conversation with Crowley, where they go- was that "probably explode"? What's that? [overlapping] "Pity I can't inhabit yours."

C: Yeah. "Angel, demon, probably explode."

G: [laughs] They need to have one body. Wait, can I say this? I can. I don't know why I'm so shy. They should have possession sex. Definitely.

C: Oh, yeah. Many people on the internet agree with this statement.

G: They should. They can, should, and must. Anyway, Aziraphale goes near the earth, the giant globe in the center of the empty room, and he goes like, "Oh, how do I get this thing to be?" And while the quartermaster is going like, "Get away from it!" he taps it.

C: He taps the UK specifically, I think he's aiming for London or whatever.

G: And he goes, "I'll figure it out as I go," which did make me emo, because they're making it up as they go! [laughs]

C: Oh. Who give a shit about Supernatural?

G: No, but I like the idea of it, you know. They're both angels, and they're both making it up as they go.

C: I'm very, very, very, very proud of him. I hope nothing in Season 2 [G laughs] does anything about this arc without explaining why that happened. Oh, right, and there's the stupid fucking editing on the quartermaster yelling at the other angels, "What are you looking at? Don't you know there's a war on?" but it's like, just his mouth on "Don't you know there's a war on." Weird stuff. Don't think it it did the thing it wanted to do.

We get back to Adam, and it's just the same thing. He's being creepy at them, saying that everything is great, they're gonna restart everything. The kids are crying. and he's telling them to say something, but they can't, because he took their mouths away, and then he says, like, "You have to smile, I can make it happen." And then their mouths come back and they get pulled up in these very straining-the-face smiles. Etc.

Now, we return to Newt and Anathema, and it's so horrible, this life that we live. But this is the aftermath of their having sex.

G: Boo! I hate him so much!

C: And Newt's saying, "That was so great, and also, it was my first time!"

G: I hate him soo much!

C: And Anathema's getting dressed, and she says, "I'd never have known!" in like, a somewhat nice voice, but not that nice. But, you know, this does give me solace because the way she says that implies that it wasn't her first time, which means that she wasn't saving herself for random guy in a prophecy, so maybe she did experiment with girls in college, thank goodness, but she just hasn't fully embraced how she's an aro lesbian yet because of the prophecy. But you know what? She has time. I believe in her. All we have to do is kill Newt first. [G laughs]

G: We need to kill him, no matter what.

C: Yeah, no matter what. Speaking of experimenting with girls in college, they don't mention in the show that she has a PhD at age 19!

G: Aww. Well, that's so sad! Why did they not mention it?

C: Yeah, this is misogyny. Well, I mean, I think the PhD thing was mostly so they could do a bit in the book where it's like, "Oh, the device was actually named after my ancestor, Godfrey Device, who invented a blah blah blah, and my PhD was on inventors that don't really get credit," blah blah blah, but yeah. Whatever. It's cool that she has a PhD at age 19, and it doesn't make her overpowered or whatever. Just mention that she has a PhD! The whole scene, Newt is just like, "Wow, sex is so good. Let's do it again." Blah blah blah.

G: Like, the world is ending, bro!

C: Yeah, Anathema's just like, getting dressed and focused. And like, she's not into him! She isn't!

G: She is not. She's not!

C: Does Neil Gaiman think this is what women act like when they're into you? 'Cause like, it's not. Due to how she's not into him.

G: And like, let's even remove the question of like, "Is she into him or not?" Like, she obviously is not into the idea of having sex right now, you know? She's dressing up, dude! Like, get the fuck out of here. I hate him so much, and I know he brings up some nice points about free will or whatever the fuck, [C laughing] but, like, there are other people who make such amazing points as well, and I don't need him, and I want him to die. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. The matter-of-fact way in which she's getting dressed afterwards and like, not lingering in it at all, it just feels like she was like, "This is something I have to cross off the list 'cause it's on the prophecies."

G: Yeah, like get it over with.

C: None of it's like, "This is something that I really would engage in if it wasn't for the prophecy." And that makes me so sad! Newt's like, "Can we do it again because the world's ending?" Like, does not give a shit about stopping Adam. And Anathema says that Agnes said that they only did it once, and there's like, a joke about a prophecy where she says Newt has a big ol' swangin' dick.

G: I'll bite it off.

C: Huh?

G: [laughs] I said I'll bite it off. [both laughing]

C: And you will to the dick apply pepper spray?

G: Yeah, I will apply pepper spray on it.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Anathema says she doesn't know if she's actually supposed to stop Adam, because Agnes doesn't tell them to, and she can't find the right card with instructions. And this is when Newt does the whole like, "What do you mean? Don't you ever just do things for yourself and see how they turn out?" And Anathema's like, "No, not important things. And also we only have like, an hour left in the entire world, so we gotta go." And Newt says, "You can't let a 400-year-old witch tell you what to do." And Anathema says, "I've spent my whole life trying to figure out what Agnes wanted me to do, and she's never failed me. Sometimes, I fail her." Which, a good line. I liked that line. It makes me wonder what "Sometimes, I fail her," like, means, the extent of it. Like, did Anathema have a teenage angst phase when she was like, "I can't do this anymore. Why did my parents name me this? Why is this happening? I'm just like, taking the car and running away." And then, like, somehow, just, things keep happening that line up with prophecies or things keep happening that stop her from going, and she's just like, crying in the car, defeated, listening to whatever angsty teens at the time listened to? Like, tell me more! Tell me more! Last episode, she said that the prophecies usually have a frequency of once a month, like, that does not give you any time to live your own life.

G: Yeah.

C: Sorry, Anathema.

-

G: Okay. So now we go to Crowley who is, in fact, in a bar, getting piss-drunk. He starts talking about the Fall, which is such an interesting choice of topic here. Don't you think so? Here she is, last day of the world, whatnot, best friend just died, etc etc. The thing he's lamenting about is the Falling. Why do you think that is?

C: Yeah. it's hard for me to say just because I find no particular interest in narratives about Crowley regretting, like, hating himself for being a demon or whatever.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think he does. But I think that that the Fall was probably the first moment when he realized that the universe wasn't-

G: Fair?

C: - that there was no justice in the universe or that his idea of justice was not God's. So I guess this makes sense as a like, "The world is so horrible. Curse everyone. I hate everything so much." Like, it would maybe bring you back to the moment when you lost faith.

G: Mm, yeah, okay. Well, what he's saying here is like- Well, before we go into what he's saying here, let's get into how she's saying it, which is, crying. Like, voice is hoarse due to all the crying. And that is so important to me! So important to me!

C: It's so good.

G: So good. I do wonder how- How is this done?

C: Like, acting-wise?

G: Yeah. Do you know?

C: I don't know. He's a very talented voice actor. On Ducktales, even. He can do whatever. [both laugh]

G: This is true! As spoken like someone who truly did watch Ducktales on the plane [C laughing] to hear David Tennant's voice.

Crowley is crying. This is the part where he starts talking and it's that "I never asked to be a demon. Minding my own business one day, and then, lookie here!" I love that part so much. "It's Lucifer and the guys!" [both laughing]

C: God, they're so cute.

G: They go like, "The food hasn't been that good lately."

C: It's also "I didn't have anything on for the rest of that afternoon."

G: "And the next thing I know, I'm doing a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulfur."

C: Which, I guess, if this isn't exaggeration, like, confirms that the Fall is physical and painful. That's fun.

G: Physical and painful. And also, like, you know, sauntered vaguely downwards, hang around with the wrong people. Sorry, Crowley. Although, I don't know.

C: I think that it would have happened regardless.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't think it's like, "Crowley didn't deserve to Fall as much as the other demons did." I think all of them Fell for unjust reasons.

G: Yeah. Crowley is just there, and, you know, still doing the whole like, crying thing when they see some semblance of Aziraphale. We see it through the reflection in the sunglasses. And Crowley, in the most the voice ever, goes, “Aziraphale?” [laughs] I cannot-

C: It's sickening, it's soo. Like, the voice itself is reaching forward with a hand. It has a hand, and it is grabbing.

G: And then, you know, Crowley is like, "Is that you?" Aziraphale is so cute, sitting there, going, like, "Good question. Not certain. I've never done this before. Can you hear me?" And, you know, Crowley just accepts this immediately, that Aziraphale is here, and it's like-

C: Don't they also do a fun thing where, when they first see him, they lift up their sunglasses to check, and then they like, just let go, and the sunglasses fall back over their eyes?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. After they establish that, you know, "I can hear you," blah blah blah, the first thing Aziraphale asks is, "Did you go to Alpha Centauri?" [C screams] And Crowley goes, "No. I changed my mind. Stuff happened. I lost my best friend." [C screams]

C: And the way- the way she says it. It's like, the whole time it's like, she's trying to hold back tears, and the "I lost my best friend" comes out on a sob. Like [laughs], hello? Also, I think it's just the fact that I'm assuming this is the first place Aziraphale manifested after tapping the globe, right? Because, like, he doesn't even know if Crowley's in London, currently, right? Like he's looking around. He's like, "Does Alpha Centauri just look a lot like a pub in London? Or like, where are we right now?" So like, he was thinking very hard that he needed to get back to Crowley. And that's like, where he ended up. Like, "I tapped the Earth to go to the Earth, but like, I know that I would probably just go to wherever you are, which may not be the Earth."

G: Yeah. Crazy!

C: Crazy!

G: Anyway [laughs], Aziraphale's response to this is a bit of silence, and then, "I'm so sorry to hear it." And, you know, the vibe is very much like, "Chop-chop. I'm so sorry that you're so miserable because you thought I was dead, and also, you called me your best friend! But also, there's so many things that's happening, and so many things that we need to do," and there is, in fact, a lot of things that they need to do. And so Aziraphale proceeds. Says that "Crowley, I need to get back to the bookshop, and I need you to look for a book." Crowley just goes like, "Oh, yeah, your bookshop's gone. I'm so sorry. It burned own."

C: He also rests his, like, cheek on his hand when he's saying it.

G: Yeah! His hand! Yeah. And Aziraphale is like, so quiet and just goes, “All of it?”

C: Yeah.

G: Crowley is like, "Y- y- yeah, wh- what's the book?" And Aziraphale says, "Oh, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of-" and then Crowley cuts him off and goes, "Agnes Nutter! Yes, I took it! Look!" And then gets the book from his lap, points it up, and starts pointing at it like a little kid, and goes, "Look! Souvenir!" [C screams] I'm going to asplode and die, as you like to say.

C: There's a voice crack on "Agnes Nutter!" that is so important to me.

G: Yeah. He took it! [both] Souvenir! Souve-fucking-nir.

C: Like, they were just gonna hug it as the world ended? Like, that was the plan?

G: [laughing] Yeah.

C: What if we all just died?

G: Aziraphale goes like, "Look inside. I made all the notes. Everything is in there. I worked it all out." Crowley is, you know, looking at the notes, and goes, "Where are you? [overlapping] Wherever you are, I'll come to you." You know, they have the discorporation talk. Aziraphale just goes like, "Oh, I'll meet you at Tadfield Air Base. The world is ending, and that's where it's all going to happen." And that he will be there too, he just needs to find a body. And then, like, I actually don't know how to take the next thing Crowley says.

C: Oh, I know. It made me confused, but no, it's just because Aziraphale goes, “I just need to find a receptive body. Harder than you'd think." Crowley's "I'm not going to go there" is like, [laughs] "I'm not gonna make a sex joke in this circumstance."

G: I mean, that's what I assumed after thinking about it a little bit, but like, it felt very much out of place any way that you think of it.

C: Yeah, no, but it the script also confirms that that's what it was.

G: That's so funny, then, because, like, Aziraphale says this, and Crowley's first thought is, [laughs] "I'm not going to say a sex joke," and then the first thing Aziraphale says is [C laughing], "It's so bad that I can't inhabit your body." And, like, Crowley just goes, "Ooh." "Angel and demon. Probably explode." Literally-

C: I mean... I mean, maybe they would.

G: They would explode. Or asplode, as you like to say so much. You know, I've taken into saying "asplode and die" also.

C: It's a pretty good phrase. Asplode and die!

G: It's pretty good. It ends with Aziraphale disappearing back into the void or whatnot. Before he disappears, he goes, "I'll meet you in Tadfield, but we're both gonna have to get a bit of a wiggle-on!" And Crowley just goes like, "What?" And Aziraphale repeats himself, like, "Tadfield Air Base," but Crowley is just like, "Yeah, but like, wiggle-on?" But, you know, Aziraphale has disappeared, and Crowley, like, throws his arms up in a like, "What?" way. I think it's cute. This scene truly is a scene of all time.

-

C: Saur Madame Tracy is about to start a seance with like, three people.

G: This scene is so long for no reason.

C: Well, we're cutting to the Horsemen right after that, but you mean the seance scene is so long for no reason?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, a lot of this episode, like I said, is just a vehicle to deliver jokes that I never really found that funny.

G: Yeah, me too, I suppose.

C: Miranda Richardson's a great actress and like, she can do it, and she is doing it. But like, it's just not really my thing. So we now see the Four Horsemen convening in a cafe in the UK. You know, Famine goes through customs. Red/War orders four cups of tea, one of them black, and a cheese sandwich. And I think the one of the most annoying things this episode are all the like, just the quips about how the world's gonna end. Like, I know. I'm aware. Like, the waitress is like, "It's hell out there." And War is like, "No, not yet." Like, okay? Like, I know. I'm aware. War and Famine meet up and talk a bit about how it's crazy they've been waiting for so long, and wow, it's only a hundred miles away? Like, it feels like it should have been a bigger deal. Pollution also comes in. I think they're generally like, quite friendly with each other. Last episode, you said you were curious about what they would be like together.

G: Yeah. I mean, it's something, I guess, but I don't know. Towards the end, they do a bit more about this where it's like, War is like, "You know, the war and the nuclear blah blah," and then Pollution going, "But it's not just like that. It's also like, chemicals, whatever." [laughing] And then Famine’s just there, going, "And then there will be winter, and people will be hungry," and it's soo stupid! But yeah. I mean, I think it's fine. I like that they're friendly, I guess.

C: Yeah, I mean, I like their biker outfits, and I like that they all have their own motorcycles, and they're like, styled after them, and that Death’s has like, a ribcage.

G: My favorite look is Famine, I would say. Such a beautiful motorcycle.

C: Yeah. So they're like, “Oh, where's Death?” And then there's been someone like, playing like, this game on a trivia machine the whole time, and this person gets up, and that's him. And they've been all like, friendly and casual with each other, but like, with Death, like, it's clear that he's the leader, and they're all being very reverent. Like, Famine calls him "my lord." They're like, "Okay. Time to ride." And then we return to Madame Tracy's. It's just like, her being a fake psychic and it supposedly being funny. She goes under, but like, it's just like, her sticking her tongue out and moving her head a bit, and connects with her spirit guide, which is a little Irish girl who died at age 9 in 1746. Okay. So the thing about this is that, in the book, her spirit Guide is Geronimo, like, the historical figure, and she's very- she's quite racist about it. She does an accent and bad English for it, and she also says a slur.

G: I don't know who Geronimo is.

C: Oh, he was like, an indigenous American. He was a leader from the Apache people. So yeah. And I was like, "Okay, well." And I think this thing with Colleen O'Leary, like, she is doing some Irish stereotypes, but it's like, it's not as bad, I would say. Like, she does say "begorrah" as Colleen, and apparently that's just like, a word that people say to like, make someone seem more Irish, so yeah, she's doing Irish stereotypes and stuff. So I was like, "Well, I guess it's nice that Neil Gaiman learned," and then I look in the scriptbook, and it says, "In the book, we have Geronimo as her fake spirit guide. I'd like a female voice as it makes the Aziraphale stuff better." So. [laughing] That was the only reason you switched it? [G laughing] That was it, Neil Gaiman? I wanted to give you, like, a singular point, and you spat on it! Some people never learn. They don't learn anything ever.

This is like, barely related, but like, recently, someone on the Tumblr asked him, "Hey, like, do you regret like, a joke you had in the book where you call Crowley's computer 'having the intelligence of an r-slur ant'?" And he was like, "Well, no." I mean, to give him credit, it was more like, "I definitely wouldn't write it today, but it meant something different back then, and it wasn't offensive back then, and I'm now used to the fact that anything I write today will make me seem like a monster in 2060." Like, I don't- Okay, like, the measure of what is offensive or not, I guess, depends on who is in power, like, I don't think that- I think that using- like, even if you were like, "I meant it in the medical way," like, it's still bad to like, say "something is as stupid as a person with an intellectual ability-" "an ant with an intellectual disability." So like, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, so, you know, that's Neil Gaiman for ya.

G: I mean, I want to be clear that like, perhaps even two weeks ago, whenever Crystal was like, "Oh, I hate Neil Gaiman so much it's unreal," I was like, "That's probably for the best." [C laughs] But like, I never really thought about it 'cause I have never read anything that Neil Gaiman has ever said online. Like, I don't know this man at all. Recently [C laughs], I came across some choice Tweets from this man.

C: "I came across"- Midway through watching this episode, during the "the Southern pansy" scene, I got so mad that I went and like, scrubbed back through like, all the Tweets that he's made that have made me angry about him saying that they weren't gay and like, made a little collage on my Google Docs of them and then sent Grey a screenshot.

G: My god, this guy's unbearable! [C laughs] Yeah. I stand by what Crystal said last episode that Neil Gaiman should-

C: Bleeep!

G: But yeah. [both yeah] Bleep! And he should!

C: And he will! Thanks, Will Wood.

G: [laughing] Thanks, Will Wood.

C: Do we explain that? Yeah, Will Wood just has a song called "Memento Mori," and one of the lines in it that repeats a lot is like, what is it? [both] "One day, you're going to die."

G: Yeah. And every time we say, "Oh, I want blank to die, and he will," "Thanks, Will Wood" is what we say. Thanks, Will Wood!

C: Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Will Wood!

So there's just like, bits about how she's a fake psychic. Like, she asks Mr. Scroggie, "Oh, there's a spirit asking for you. Have you ever known anyone named John? Or Tom? Or Steve? Or Dave?" And then the one Dave he knows is alive, so it's very confusing that he's talking from beyond the veil, etc. And Mrs. Ormorod wants to talk to her husband, Ron. And then something comes through, and it's like, I don't know. Just a lot of physical comedy bits. There's like, elephant sounds, and she pants like a dog, and there's like, horn instruments-

G: Farting-

C: - and blah blah blah. And then finally, Aziraphale gets through. And the woman, Mrs. Ormorod, asks, "Hey, is that Ron?"

G: It's Michael Sheen voice.

C: Yeah, it's Michael Sheen voice. He got ADR-ed in. And yeah, she's still insisting that she has to talk to Ron, so he puts Ron through, and I guess this is the only thing we learn about the afterlife for humans. Ron seems very unhappy.

G: Is cold.

C: It's very cold here. He's shivering. I mean, basically, it's just like, she's annoying and talks a lot and is also racist 'cause she's complaining about how her daughter served Korean food at her wedding. The thing that she's saying in the book is, let's see. "Now Ron, you remember, our Eric's littlest, Sybilla, well you wouldn't recognize her now, she's taken up macrame, and our Letitia, you know, our Karen's oldest, she's become a lesbian but that's all right these days and is doing a dissertation on the films of Sergio Leone as seen from a feminist perspective." [G laughs] I don't think- was she racist in the- I don't think she was racist in the book, but I guess Neil Gaiman was like, "Let's swap out the 'Let's swap out the "she's a lesbian, but that's alright these days" with Korean food.'" [laughs] Alright, whatever. I don't know how to make a kimchi and pussy-eating joke, but someone do it for me.

G: Jessi has done it. At some point in a song, Jessi goes, "My kimchi so delicious, need a Michelin," but the dance is like, "It's pussy."

C: Fuck yeah. [laughs] So anyway, basically, he's like, "Blah blah blah, you never let me talk when we were married, so now there's only one thing I wanna say to you, and it's 'Shut up!'" And it's very loud yelling shit, and there's lightning going off blah blah blah. Who give a shit. Aziraphale comes back and Tracy kicks everybody out. And then we go to her making some tea, two cups of tea. So she looks in the mirror, and it's Aziraphale! And he gives her a little wave, and he's so cute.

G: Yeah, this scene. I love it so much. I think constantly about- I don't know, actually, if I've mentioned it in the podcast. I've mentioned it to Crystal, definitely. But one time I was watching a Michael Sheen interview, and somebody commented, "One thing about Michael Sheen is he's so good at playing gay." [both laugh]

C: And he is.

G: And I think about it constantly. And he is! And recently, I sent a Crystal- "I sent a Crystal." [C laughs] I sent Crystal a video that somebody made on the Twitters where, like, they compiled all of Michael Sheen's like, film credits, a scene from every single thing he's been on.

C: But like a two-second clip from each one.

G: And like, what Crystal said was like, it literally is like, "He plays a gay character here. He plays a gay character in this one. And then all the rest are like, boring, boring, boring guy. Boring. Boring guy. Boring guy. Most charismatic, charming, gay man alive. Boring, boring, boring." And it literally is like that.

C: Yeah, it really is.

G: He is so good at playing gay. Good for him.

C: Good for him.

G: When I said this, my next thought was "Mark Gatiss could never," and you know what? [laughs]

C: Yeah, Mark Gatiss really could never.

G: Is that so mean? Is that so mean? He is actually gay.

C: He is actually gay, yes. He also wrote BBC Sherlock. You can say whatever you want about him. [G laughs]

G: You know, recently- Again, I've mentioned this to you. I have no recollection whether it was mentioned in the podcast. But sometime when we started watching Good Omens, I had to watch an episode of Vicious for one of my literature classes. And I didn't know what Vicious was or was about or anything when I watched it. But it starts with this guy talking, and he is like, you know, flamboyant, effeminate, all that. And then I think to myself, "Wait.

Aziraphale acts like this. Is Aziraphale even gay, or do British men really just act like this?" [C laughing] And then another guy shows up, and it's Ian McKellen, and he acts that way, too. And I'm like, "Wow, maybe British men really are just like this all the time." [both laughing] And turns out, Vicious is about, like, these two old gay queens and like, their life. Like, they are gay. And like, Aziraphale is gay. That's my point. He is the Southern pansy.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

-

G: So Crowley is now in a traffic jam inside of London. And, oh yeah, "Another One Bites the Dust" is playing, kind of in the radio, and then, you know, at choice opportunities in the story, it gets louder and louder and all that. And Crowley's wondering like, "Oh, why is this all happening to me? It's so miserable." And then there's like, a voice, maybe a memory.

C: He's remembering Satan, yeah.

G: Yeah. Crowley remembers Satan from Episode 1 saying, "Oh, what you did with M25 the is a stroke of demonic genius, darling." He realizes that the reason why everything is so traffic is because back in the 70s, Crowley had a very big hand in making the M25. I love this so much. He really was like, "You know what? I'm going to be an architect for the 70s." And they were! So we cut to like, Hell back in the seventies, and you see Crowley-

C: The disco outfit.

G: - same look as the "head of a pin" outfit, yeah. So it's like mustache, long 70s hair, super fun.

C: And all the demons look exactly the same as they've always been.

G: Yes. And the three demons there that we recognize is Hastur, Ligur, and [both] Beelzebub. That's Beelzebub, right? Crowley is going, "So, thanks to three computer hacks, selected bribery," and then, like, a little bit under the breath, going, "and me moving some markers across a field one night," the M25 London Motorway-

C: [laughing] Yeah, we see the flashback of her moving the markers, and it's so fun. And they're wearing the jacket that they wear in the deleted scene with the rats.

G: Yeah! The orange one.

C: So this is just their- I think people call this their "fucking shit up" outfit or their "fucking shit up" jacket.

G: For real. Anyway, the M25, which was supposed to look like, a normal orbital motorway has been turned into the dread Odegra, which means [both] "Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds" in the language of the dark priesthood of ancient Mu. And then she goes, "Can I get a [both] wahoo?" And "Can I hear a wahoo?" is just constantly in my head. Can she literally get a wahoo?

C: Exactly.

G: And, you know, Hastur in the back just raises his hand like, everybody is looking at Crowley like he is the stupidest demon ever.

C: Yeah, everyone boos him at "Can I get the wahoo?"

G: Yeah. [laughs] "Can I hear a wahoo?" and it's just people going, [both] "Booo." Yeah, but, you know, Crowley cannot be shamed into being ashamed of this very wonderful fucking- I cannot place my words, but, you know, he's not- he's not ashamed. He goes like, "Well, you know, once it's built, so many people will just be so mildly annoyed that they're going to be water on a prayer wheel, grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil." And then finally, Crowley calls on Hastur, and Hastur's question is, [both] "What's a computer?" I love it. And also, throughout this scene, "Another One Bites the Dust" is playing. It's honestly like, the most natural music cue here, I feel. 'Cause like, the best friend one, on the nose, and like, the we have talked about how corny "Somebody to Love" is. And even the ones later seem, at that point, you're like, "Ah, they're really expending the budget on this one." Yeah. [both laugh] They want to spend money so bad it's unreal. But this one, it's like, "Oh, yeah. Hell yeah."

Back in Madame Tracy's place, we see- what the fuck is his name? [both] Shadwell waking up.

C: Book fact is that during the sleep, Shadwell is supposed to have a nightmare about Agnes Nutter's burning where he suddenly realizes how horrible it is to like, die by fire and like, it's supposed to kick off him like, starting to feel bad about being a witchfinder, but that doesn't happen here.

G: Yeah, it doesn't happen. Is it because they wanted to do the joke about like, Adam being a witch?

C: Oh, no, I mean, he still does all the same things, but- I don't know. I guess they just probably thought it wasn't that important?

G: But why? I mean, we don't give a shit about Shadwell, so it's fine.

C: Yeah, it is.

G: Yeah. Shadwell just wakes up, and hears, in the other room, Madame Tracy talking. And then suddenly, the voice changes, and it's Aziraphale going, "Oh, given the circumstances, we need to be extremely flexible."

C: Yup.

G: And Shadwell gets upset at this, storms into the room, but there's just, you know, Madame Tracy in there, and he's goes, "Where is he? Some Southern pansy. I heard him making lewd suggestions." And then Madame Tracy turns around, and her voice changes to Aziraphale's. And Aziraphale goes, [overlapping] "Not just a Southern Pansy, Sergeant. The Southern pansy."

C: He- [laughs] if he's not gay- [G laughing] I-

G: Aziraphale literally goes, "I'm a Southern pansy!" and people are still like, "But he cannot be gay because he's not a man!"

C: People as in Neil Gaiman!

G: You guys have such a limited view of gender!

C: You have such a limited view of gender! [G laughs] It's- I don't. I don't get it. "Not just"- okay, if he was like, "Not a Southern pansy, the Southern pansy" maybe it's like, no, I'm not a Southern pansy, but I'm like, the person you refer to as the Southern pansy. But it's not- "Not just." So he's like- I like- wh- hm? Why- why would he say that if he was not gay? Why would he say it?

G: [laughs] And the thing is like, when I watched this, the first time, that thought did not even cross my mind that this is like- because, like, I don't know. I just like, in my head, Aziraphale is out proudly as a gay man. Like, no question in my head.

C: Yeah! And he is!

G: It's only when Crystal sent me Neil Gaiman's Tweets that I was like, "Wait. What is wrong with Neil Gaiman?" [laughs] And you know what? What is wrong with him.

C: This is in the book, too! What? What does it mean?

G: I do not think a single person who knows what the word "pansy" implies would even think for a second that this is not Aziraphale just being like, "Yeah. Gay as hell."

C: Yeah. What? What? [screams]

G: Yeah.

C: I thought about the scene. I went for a half hour walk, not because of the scene, but I was like, talking about it out loud to myself during that, and then I came back, and then I reread the Tweets, and then I like, DMed Danica for like, an hour about how much I hated Neil Gaiman. [laughs]

Let's see. Which Tweet like- "According to the book, angels and demons are sexless. They don't have genders. I've been very happy to describe it as a love story, because that's what I wrote. I'm not going to describe them as gay men, because whatever they are, they aren't that." Okay, like, okay. [G laughs] That's what you wro-

G: [laughing] You have such a limited view of gender!

C: You wrote [laughing] that Aziraphale said that he was gay, though. Like, the thing that you wrote was Aziraphale saying he was gay. Like, I feel like bringing up Misha Collins [both laugh]- it reduces how Aziraphale said he was gay, but it really does feel like that one ask someone got, like, after Misha Collins uncame out, and someone got an ask that was like, "Oh man, you guys like, jump on everything. Like, what did he even say to make you think he was bisexual?" [G laughing] and the person replied, "He said that he was bisexual." [both laughing] Like, Neil Gaiman's out here like, "What did Aziraphale even say to make you think he was gay?" He said he was gay. [both laughing] That's what he did. He said that he was gay.

G: [laughing] He literally said it, though.

C: And later he says, "Yes, I have the audacity as co-author to say that people see Aziraphale as a gay man and he's not. He's an angel."

G: What does that mean, Neil Gaiman??

C: "The Crowley/Aziraphale relationship doesn't become straight when Aziraphale is Madame Tracy's body, or Crowley's a nanny either. But your headcanon IS valid. For you."

G: God.

C: I mean, yeah, there's another one that's not as relevant, where he just says that "I wouldn't exclude the ideas that they are ace or aromantic or trans." If they- if angels are sexless, and that's why they can't be gay, how can they be trans, Neil Gaiman?

G: [laughing] How can they be trans, Neil Gaiman?

C: [laughing] The only way in which they can be trans is that they choose a gender, and if they choose a gender, and that gender is potentially man, and apparently, you have to be a man to be gay, then maybe, that means that they are gay. And okay, but later, you know, he makes up for it because this is what- This is what precedes the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet. Remember the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet that I told you about?

G: [laughs] Yes. Yes.

C: Yeah. Let me find the the "trans in the Tumblr sense" Tweet. Someone asks about this, right? And he goes, "Trans in the sense I've seen people discussing it on Tumblr that they, particularly Crowley, have reinvented themselves, transitioned from one identity or state of being to another." From what? [laughing] From angel to demon? From what? [both laughing] What do you mean, trans in the Tumblr sense, Neil Gaiman?

G: When Crowley turned from fucking-

C: A snake to a person?

G: - normal sized, normal human sized to the size of an electron [C laughing], that's Crowley being transgender.

C: [laughing] In the sense that he's seen on Tumblr. [G laughing, C screams]

G: [laughing] It's so stupid. I hope Neil Gaiman dies.

C: I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm glad that he did say they ace or aromantic, like, that's fun, but like, I think the thing about all of this is that if he was like, "I'm just gonna write characters who are like, in general queer," which, like, he has used to describe their relationship, which would imply that it describes them, why wouldn't - Like, okay, for example, the Portland Place scene, if you wanted to be a little more accurate to the times, like, there'd be people in drag, and probably like, some of them, even if they wouldn't have called themselves that at the time would be like, trans women, and like, probably some of them would be ace as well and things like, that. But like, he specifically was just like, "These are a bunch of men played by cis man actors wearing suits." You know, if he was like, "Aziraphale's just generally queer," like, why would the only times he associates Aziraphale with queerness be like, specifically about him being a gay man, or like, him, like, connecting with gay men? This isn't even like, a debate argument. It's like, a "Okay, if that was your intention, you should have showed him hanging out with more trans people or something." If that was your intention, you did a bad job at portraying that intention. I would love if Aziraphale was shown to be canonically nonbinary in the show if that's what you're going for, and you're like, "He wouldn't identify as gay because, like, his nonbinariness is important to him, and like, part of that is like, not identifying as gay." Great. Okay. Why not have him find community amongst trans people instead of just having him like, at the Hundred Guineas Club, and then [laughing] calling himself a gay man on screen?

G: Also, like, I hate so much that he was like, "He's not a gay man." That he says, "People see Aziraphale as a gay man, and he's not. [both] He's an angel." What does that even mean? What does that mean?

C: I mean, by that, I think he just means "Angels are inherently sexless," but like it feels weird. Because, like, it makes it like, later, when he says that they could be like, aromantic or ace, which, again, great. Love that. So it's not a "They wouldn't use any modern human labels for their sexuality." It's just like, "They wouldn't be gay? men? 'cause they're sexless." I don't- it's confusing. I'm confused.

G: You have such a limited view of gender, Neil Gaiman.

C: He really really does. He really does.

G: I hate that we keep on quoting that fucking TikTok [C laughs] that uses that as a funny thing, but like, [laughing] literally, he has such a limited view of gender!

C: Yeah, like it's not supposed to be taken seriously. [laughing] It's about how Taylor Swift fucking a man can be a lesbian act, is like, what that TikTok is saying with that sentence [G laughing], but.

G: But he does, though!

C: Ugh. Man. Man. Also, I think recently, I have more into Aziraphale being ace, but like, he can be both! Like, both of things can be true, but Neil Gaiman's like, "No. Uh-uh. No way."

G: Also, like, specifically, last episode you told- you said, like, after you went onto the rant, and you went like, "None of this matters in real life," and blah blah blah, and the thing is, none of it matters in real life because we don't actually like, have angels and demons walking around us, [C laughing] being queer and like, using gay and blah blah blah. But like, I hate Neil Gaiman so much it's unreal-

C: [laughing] And it's affecting my life.

G: - and that matters to me in my life. [both laughing] So yeah.

C: Yeah. [laughing] If you didn't want him to be gay, you shouldn't have written him to be gay. That's what I think. Yeah. "But your headcanon IS valid. For you." I just- the way that he goes back and forth between like, "Oh, the only thing that's canon is the thing that happens on the show, and also book canon and show canon are removed from each other," but, like, he'll also just be on the Internet telling everyone their headcanons are wrong [G laughing] because he has the audacity as co-author-

G: Fuck off!

C: Yeah.

G: Log out, Neil Gaiman! Fucking log out.

C: [laughs] Like, I know that I should also take this advice, [G laughs] but like, he's put me in a Saw trap designed for me specifically, and I will never leave. I will never cut that limb off.

G: Well, basically, after that, Madame Tracy just explains to Shadwell that like, "No, Mr. Aziraphale says that kingdom come is happening, and, you know, apocalypse, blah blah blah. Let's go talk about it." Now we go to Adam.

-

C: Well, we go to God narrating and saying that Adam has started shaping reality, and the way he's started shaping reality in ways that not even Crowley had expected is that people on the start just chanting, "Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds, again and again." And then the M25 catches on fire.

G: And then they asplode and die.

C: They all asplode and die. This is like, thousands of people who just died here, right? RIP.

G: Yeah. But I am to believe that Adam brings back everyone, like, from before the all the shenanigans happen by the end of next episode? So these people will come alive.

C: Do you think he brings Ligur back?

G: Oh, interesting. Perhaps so.

C: Perhaps so.

G: Ligur and Hastur? They'll be alive.

C: Perhaps so. I mean, Hastur is alive. You just saw him. Oh, well, he got discorporated?

G: Yeah, but he died? Oh, yeah, that's true.

C: It wasn't holy water. He just got discorporated.

G: Because the way I know this is because I googled the Bentley, and it said that Adam brings back the Bentley when he brings back the world as it is. So you know, I'm assuming  that involves everyone. But if it just involves like, the people around him at that given moment, [laughs] that would sucks so bad.

C: It would suck pretty bad. I would assume those people come back.

G: Yeah. I'm assuming that's also how the bookshop comes back.

C: Yeah, God says, you know, "The M25, a burning, magical ring of fire surrounding London. Nobody was getting in or out. Crowley had made it. Now, Crowley was trapped inside it." And Crowley sees this. Hot happy about it. Goes, "Okay, well, this is my fault, but like, come on, Tadfield, Tadfield, Tadfield!" And then he pulls over onto the shoulder and starts driving. And here is where I'm going to read page a 170 of my PDF of Good Omens out loud.

So basically, I did not-

G: Oh my god, this is the optimistic part?

C: Yeah, okay. I didn't say anything about how book Crowley would fucking never get drunk in a pub instead of like, being determined. Book Crowley never even wanted to run away to Alpha Centauri. That was something that shit movie script Crowley wanted to do in yeah, in the bad movie script where Crowley's like, a terrible person who hates Earth the entire time-

G: "I don't care about Earth," yeah.

C: - and calls Aziraphale too stupid to live. [G laughing] So book Crowley, imagine, never asked to run away, just like, went home, got the call about Hell, did the holy water thing, ran to Aziraphale’s, saw the bookshop burning, and then got in his car and went, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. So.

"He'd taken the opportunity to reread Aziraphale's notes, and to thumb through Agnes Nutter's prophecies, and to do some serious thinking. His conclusions could be summarized as follows: 1) Armageddon was under way. 2) There was nothing Crowley could do about this. 3) It was going to happen in Tadfield. Or to begin there, at any rate. After that it was going to happen everywhere.

4) Crowley was in Hell's bad books. [Not that Hell has any other kind.]

5) Aziraphale was-as far as could be estimated-out of the equation. 6) All was black, gloomy and awful. There was no light at the end of the tunnel-or if there was, it was an oncoming train. 7) He might just as well find a nice little restaurant and get completely and utterly pissed out of his mind while he waited for the world to end. 8) And yet . . . And that was where it all fell apart. [G sighs] Because, underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist. If there was one rock-hard certainty that had sustained him through the bad times--he thought briefly of the fourteenth century--then it was utter surety that he would come out on top; that the universe would look after him. Okay, so Hell was down on him. So the world was ending. So the Cold War was over and the Great War was starting for real. So the odds against him were higher than a vanload of hippies on a blotterful of Owlsley's Old Original. There was still a chance. It was all a matter of being in the right place at the right time. The right place was Tadfield. He was certain of that; partly from the book, partly from some other sense: in Crowley's mental map of the world, Tadfield was throbbing like a migraine. The right time was getting there before the end of the world. He checked his watch. He had two hours to get to Tadfield, although probably even the normal passage of Time was pretty shaky by now. Crowley tossed the book into the passenger seat. Desperate times, desperate measures: he had maintained the Bentley without a scratch for sixty years. What the hell. He reversed suddenly, causing severe damage to the front of the red Renault 5 behind him, and drove up onto the pavement. He turned on his lights, and sounded his horn. That should give any pedestrians sufficient warning that he was coming. And if they couldn't get out of the way . . . well, it'd all be the same in a couple of hours. Maybe. Probably. "Heigh ho," said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway." Ahh! That's my guy!

G: Good Lord. Good Lord.

C: That's my fucking guy. Book Crowley would neever. But, you know, I think show Crowley's getting close to there. So, thanks show Crowley.

G: I like that so much better.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: I understand that "I lost my best friend," blah blah blah. [both laughing]

C: Right after you were like, screaming, crying about it half an hour ago? [G laughs] But yes.

G: I like this better. I mean, could have stayed exactly the same, you know. Like, prior to this, everything could have stayed exactly the same. Crowley wanted to run away, blah blah blah. Aziraphale dies. Just take out the pub scene.

C: Yeah. Just the fact that that he was going to sit there and die until Aziraphale was like, "Hey, can you go to Tadfield?" And like, maybe it's just 'cause Crowley didn't have a next step because Aziraphale wouldn't tell him, but like, she knows that Tadfield is where the Antichrist was born, like, and they sent Shadwell there. Like, it's not a huge leap to just go there. Yeah, it is just like, "Aziraphale died, so now I will die also." Like, come on! Come on. Yeah.

G: Yeah. Like, you know, if, you know, if Aziraphale died for this, might as well, you know?

C: Yeah. If you need to make her motivations so Aziraphale-centered because you decide that you were writing a love story, and that made you slightly worse at writing, and more prone to character slander [G laughs], then, I don't know. At least do it as like a "This is what he was fighting for, and thus I will also" thing. Ugh. Ya. And okay, the worst part of it was that the pub scene was originally written to be in St. James's Park, and there wasn't gonna be any alcohol, and Aziraphale was gonna appear as like, a reflection on the water. I feel like the presence of the alcohol makes it so much clearer that it's a giving up thing. Like, if Crowley was just in the park, looking at the water, it could just be like, mourning-

G: Trying to think, yeah.

C: Trying to think, right? Yeah. So like, apparently, but then it was like, Oh, apparently, they couldn't film in St. James's Park at night or whatever was the situation. So then he tried to rewrite it to be in a cafe, but they couldn't get a cafe location to film in. [G laughs] So then he switched it to a pub. So like, there were two iterations of this where Crowley had not basically completely given up, and then, just because of like, logistics, it came out this way. And that's unfortunate to me.

G: Good fucking lord. [laughs] Why did you not send this to me prior to recording?

C: I wanted to hear your live reaction, I guess. [G laughs]

G: I suppose so! Well.

C: I mean, it's the same way I didn't talk about- Well, did you already know about the 1885 Criminal Law Amendment thing?

G: No. When I started crying last episode? [laughs] I know!

C: Yeah, I also didn't tell you about that one 'cause I was like, "I wanna hear Grey's live reaction to this fun little historical fact."

-

G: So we go to this girl who works at a call center for this insurance company or something, and she, like, you know, keeps on calling people, and they keep on hanging up on her until eventually she ends up calling Anthony Cowwley. And, you know, she calls and goes, "Hello, Mr. Cowwley. We're calling about an accident you had." And then the voice that responds is, in fact, not Crowley. It's Hastur. And Hastur is going like, "Oh, it wasn't an accident, Lisa," and this girl, Lisa, starts being afraid, 'cause how does this guy know my name? And Hastur just goes like, "Oh, I should thank you personally for setting me free and meet your friends," and she, very afraid, goes, "I'm hanging up now." But Hastur goes, "It's too late." And then a little maggot comes out of her mic, and then just, maggot fills up the entire place. When that's all over, all of them like, get swallowed up into Hastur, who's there, and like, we see skeletons in the back. He ate up every fucking body in this room. I love this! It's nice to see some demonic evil.

C: Yeah. Pretty gnarly.

G: Hastur, you know, funny guy. Demon when it counts. Good for him.

C: Yeah.

G: And then we go back to Sergeant Shadwell and the gang. I don't know why I word it like that. It's supposed to be Aziraphale and the gang. But they're talking about the Antichrist, and Aziraphale is like, "We need to kill the Antichrist, and we need you, Shadwell, to do it!"

C: Yeah. It's nice that he's finally like, "Well, I'm not gonna kill a kid, and I'm not gonna make Crowley kill a kid. That was an overstep. This guy seems like he'd be down for it, though." both laugh]

G: God. Shadwell is a bit apprehensive, due to the never having killed anyone before thing. But eventually, Aziraphale is able to convince him and asks if he has weapons.

C: Aziraphale's convinced him by saying that the Antichrist is a witch, and that he's just covered in nipples.

G: My god!

C: And in the script but not in the show, it says that Aziraphale is crossing his fingers under the table as he does this, which is [both laugh], you know, the thing you do to cancel out the fact you're lying.

G: That is so cute.

C: Which I think is so cute. This is the part where in the book, Aziraphale tells Shadwell, like, "'The Antichrist is more than just a witch. He's the witch. He's just about as witchy as you can get.' 'Would he be harder to get rid of than, say, a demon?' asked Shadwell, who had begun to brighten. 'Not much more,' said Aziraphale, who had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn't it getting late? And Crowley had always got the hint." Ah!

G: They literally hang out like, weekly for that to even be a thing

C: Exactly! Exactly. They really do. And, like, Crowley, usually tries to hang out longer, which is very cute.

G: But he always takes the hint!

C: Yeah. He does. He does always take the hint.

G: That's so- [laughs] You know, this week I have become more fond of Crowley than I have ever been throughout watching Good Omens.

C: Yeah. You sent me just "CROWLEYYY" in caps a lot. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I don't know. It's because of that damn fucking AMV that I watched that like, I came across on YouTube shorts.

C: Which one?

G: The "Enchanted." I mentioned it last episode, too.

C: Yeah, you mentioned it last episode. I, honestly, you sent it to me and I watched it but I didn't pay that much attention to it because I just hate when videos crop that way.

G: It made me so sad. Like, I just, I don't know. The pining shit really gets to me, I guess. How is he even able to handle it? I cannot imagine. Like, imagine the only person, only person in your life who has been around as long as you are, like, who you know will be around- Like, you know what I mean? 'Cause like, I'm sure they've had human friends, you know, like he had Leonardo da Vinci. And well, were they friends? You said they were 'cause like, he was talking to Crowley about the painting.

C: Yeah. They were getting drunk together.

G: And, you know, Aziraphale had like, fucking Nostradamus and the people in the clubs and stuff. Yeah. And the thing is like, I'm sure those are genuine connections, blah blah blah. [C laughs] But like, when, you know, those are short bursts of time that you're with those people, and you're always aware that they're going to be gone and you're going to be here forever and ever way after them. And of course there's so many things you can tell them also. So like, by virtue of that, of being a demon and an angel on earth, and also by virtue of the Agreement, like, Crowley and Aziraphale really only have each other. And it makes me so miserable that Crowley is here, and it's like, "This is the only person I can pretty much tell everything to," this one person that you have in your life that theoretically, you can tell everything to, and you also still need to do this fucking dance of like, plausible deniability. [laughs] It makes me feel sick to think about it! Wouldn't it be so lonely? Crowley, weren't you so lonely?

C: Yeah, I know I'm usually Team Crowley, but Aziraphale does have to do the same thing. It is similarly as hard. I feel like he has to do even more of the same thing because he feels that Heaven is watching him a lot more than Crowley thinks that Hell is watching her.

G: No, but I mean, yes, I agree, but like, I guess in my perspective, Aziraphale seems to be better at deluding himself.

C: Yeah, is in so much denial that it doesn't- it's not a sharp pain.

G: Yes. I mean, I've said this to Crystal. Okay, we have gone on so many tangents in this episode. But whatever. Like, in the third episode, what, during the Rome scene, I told Crystal in our DMs, that like, "This reminds me so much of like, that scene in Giovanni's Room where they met in the bar." And like, not even like, sincerely. it's just whenever there's a cute meeting scene in like, some bar setup, the first thing that I think of and like, me and Crystal's shorthand - is that a term? - Like, me, and Crystal's shorthand for when I think, "Oh, this is so sweet" is "This is just like David and Giovanni in the bar." [C laughs] Like, that's just what I say, right?

C: Healthy.

G: So like, when I said that, it wasn't even a sincere thing. It wasn't like, "I'm literally legitimately going, 'This is just like David and Giovanni.'" It's just like, "Oh, it's a cute bar scene," you know. And then, like, I thought about Aziraphale and Crowley some more, and I'm like- I mean, for those who are unfamiliar, Giovanni's Room, beautiful novel by James Baldwin. Talks about many things, as many novels do, but something that I really like about it is how it talks about how what happens when you just don't allow yourself to love sincerely and you don't allow yourself the liberty to feel those feelings, and what it does to you, and what it does to the people around you. And I guess I see Aziraphale as that. As like, the one who has to be like, "Oh, but I'm not of liberty to feel this way." And Crowley feels more of the, you know, collateral damage. I guess to me. To be fair, I've only watched Season 1 up to Season 1, Episode 5, and this is all just happening in my imagination. But do you understand what I'm trying to say?

C: Yeah, yeah. I do.

G: Good fucking lord. How did Crowley do it? How'd you do it, Crowley? How'd you do it? Ah!

C: I think the love built gradually. They were able to like, have breakups and not see each other for thousands of years.

G: That's true!

C: And I don't think that it was like, sickening pining the whole time or whatever the fuck.

G: Yeah. But like, I mean, just think about like, asking someone, "Run away with me" and them just being like, "No. No," like, I don't know. I think about it so much.

C: Yeah, it is a lot. It is very- yeah, "Everything's on the line. I am showing you everything. Like, come on, please." And like, yeah.

G: It's like, you know, like, Crowley's there, like, holding Aziraphale by the shoulder and he's like, "Just- just-" And then Aziraphale, like, the whole time, just being like, "No."

C: Yeah.

G: Horrible. Horrible time.

C: Horrible time.

G: Well, anyway, [laughs] they get the gun. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. Shadwell brings out a bigass gun.

C: Shadwell is getting ready to kill Shinzo Abe. [G laughs]

G: Literally.

C: It's very much a doohickey. It's a steampunk doohickey. Also, I never got why this joke survives to the show where Shadwell's like, "It can shoot silver bullets," and Aziraphale’s like, "That's for werewolves." That would work on a person too! [G laughing]

G: Just like in Supernatural. [both laughing]

C: But yeah, he decides that he's gonna load it with bricks and kill Adam with bricks, and [laughs] I think that's beautiful.

G: I did some predictions last episode or I don't know which episode it was, but I said that I think Aziraphale will kill this kid.

C: And by kill you mean shoot, yeah.

G: And like, shoot the kid and stuff. Like, the kid won't die, but Aziraphale will try to do it. I think it would be so funny if he like, does shoot Adam, but like, it's not a bullet, it's a fucking brick, [C laughing] so it's just like, "Ow! Owie! Ouch! Yeowch!"

-

C: So we return to Crowley driving. In a fire, same bad situation. In the book, she had to drive across the River Thames in order to get here, but I think that this did not have to happen to her here. He's rummaging through The Nice and Accurate Prophecies in order to see if there's some kind of a prediction that can help.

G: They go, "Why isn't there an index?" which I thought was so cute because the day before I watched this, I did spend so much time in an index of a book being like, "Why isn't this word in the index?" [laughs] So when Crowley goes, "Why isn't there an index?" I was like, "He's just like me for real."

C: Yeah. Sure is. So someone reaches across the seat next to him, takes off his sunglasses and snaps them in half, and it is Hastur. He says, you know, "You'll never escape London. Nothing can. There's nowhere to run." And "Hell will not forget. Hell will not forgive. You're like, done. Everything's over. You're not gonna get across that." Crowley puts on a Mozart CD that has been in here for less than a fortnight, I suppose, because it remains Mozart. And I think the idea is that the two week mark hits when he's driving across, so it turns into Queen.

G: [laughs] That's so fun.

C: Yeah. He goes, "Let's find out."

G: And then all of Hastur's, like, bravado just completely falls out, and it's like, "Wh- wh- wh-what's happening? Stop this! Stop doing this!" and I think it's so- like, you said last episode that Hastur's actor is so wonderful, but like, he really is. Hastur is so so fun. Crowley starts talking, very spitefully, very- 'cause I mean, pretty much this entire episode so far, we haven't seen Crowley do the voices, or, you know, the fun talky Crowley things because, you know, so many things are happening. She's miserable, she's cryingm she's on fire, whatever. But now, our Crowley is back, and he goes, "You know, the thing I like the best about time is that every day it takes us away from the fourteenth century. [C laughing] I really didn't like the fourteenth century." And it is soo fun. So fun, so wonderful. Hated fourteenth century so much.

C: It really is. I think the generally accepted headcanon is that's because when the Black Death happened in Europe.

G: Ah. So everybody fucking died. Yeah, that's reasonable.

C: Everyone in Europe fucking died. I feel like everyone else was doing alright?

G: Caravaggio's father, and like, pretty much every male figure in his life died when he was like, five from the Black Death, and that's why he had to move back to Caravaggio from Milan. Fun fact! [C laughs] Like, also the historian, Alexander Graham Dixon, kind of like, points out, 'cause like, you know, Caravaggio, known homosexual. No, not so known. I don't know. He's probably bisexual, I don't know. But, like, 'cause many historians prior would be like, "Oh, why is Caravaggio so fucked in the head?" And then, you know, they'll be like, "Oh, it's because he's gay." [both laugh] And like, basically Alexander Graham Dixon goes, "Probably not that. Probably because everybody in his life fucking died when he was five, so." [C laughing] Fun fact!

C: Yeah, that sounds about right.

G: Yeah, hated the fucking fourteenth century. And he's like, just talking up people. He's like, "Ah, people are so clever. They invented cars. They didn't have cars in the fourteenth century." [C laughs] And then, like, beside him, Hastur is just freaking the fuck out because they are now in the fire, like, Crowley is just driving right into the M25,

C: Well, "I'm in Love with My Car" starts playing.

G: Oh, yeah. And [both] Hastur discorporates. But Crowley? Going strong. Going strong, baby. And the explanation given here is that Crowley is currently imagining the car to be just fine and fully functional, despite all the burning everything. And yeah. So, power of the mind, baby! Power of the positive thinking. [both laugh]

C: Yeah. He says, "You are my car. I've had you from new. You are not going to burn." Which is so- I think people have paralleled Aziraphale having his body for 6000 years with Crowley having the Bentley from scratch. And yeah. It's fun. It's fun stuff.

G: I mean, also, you know, we talked extensively in Ep 2 about the plants and stuff, but like, this, pretty- like, it makes sense. This, how Crowley talks to the cars, how he talks to plants, like, good for him.

C: Good for him. Oh, also, like, you know, the eyes. Like, when Hastur first appears, they're like, you know, circle of yellow and white around, and now they're completely yellow again.

G: Yeah, covering the entire eye socket.

C: Yeah, the idea is that he always has to use a little bit of effort to like, keep the yellow within like, a circle iris, and then when he's focusing on other things, it just goes full yellow mode or?

G: You know what? I'm gonna look up "snake eyes how does it work." Maybe it's just, what do you call it when, you know, your eyes do the expanding thing to get more like-

C: Dilating?

G: Yes, maybe it's just doing that.

C: And that includes the iris changing.?

G: No, that's why I'm Googling "how do snake eyes work." Are you sure not a single person has done this analysis?

C: Probably. I just don't remember.

G: I don't think it works like that. Don't think it works like that. It's just a fun visual to have.

C: Yeah, and it makes him look more stressed or whatever.

G: Also, you know what? I was looking at my cat Sumo the other day, and Sumo has pretty much the same color eyes as Crowley, and now, every time I looked at Crowley's eyes, I'm like, "Oh my god! Just like my cat Sumo!"

C: Literally.

G: I think Crowley may well be a cat named Sumo. [C laughs]

C: So we cut to outside, the other end of the M25, and there's like, traffic cops, traffic people, something, there. And they're like, "Nothing's gonna make it through!" and then the Bentley comes charging through the ring of fire, and Crowley zooms past them and waves!

G: Looks ecstatic, too.

C: Yeah, yeah. Having a great time.

G: I mean, it's just so fun to see Crowley from here on out this episode because since Episode 3, I suppose, Crowley has kind of lost a bit of the, you know, cool swagger that she usually possesses, due to all the stress that is on her shoulders. But now, I feel like, I don't know, he's realizing that like, "Maybe it will work out!" or like, just putting his mind into it as like, "Well, it better!" like, how he thinks of the car as like, "You will not fail me." and now she's also thinking like, "This world will not fail me." And that, you know, fun, cool swagger is back, and I enjoy it so much.

C: Yeah. And also, didn't- she said before driving into the fire, "If you're gonna go, go with style." So I think that's part of it too.

G: Yeah! Maybe so.

C: "Well, and even if it doesn't work out, at least I'll look hot as hell doing it."

-

C: We've returned to Adam, and the Them. He's starting to feel a little bad about taking away their voices, but he still like, shoots up really high into the air above all the trees and shouts for the Four Horsemen to come to him. He tells all his friends that they're gonna have a great time because he's gonna let them rule the world, and he divides up the continents between all of them, and he does so so that everyone else gets all of the world. Pepper, who's had her voice returned her, goes quite scathingly, "But what about you, Adam? What bit are you going to have?" And he says like, "Well, I'll just be here. Same as always. And I don't want to go anywhere else." But the kids are like, "Well, this is also our Hogback Wood, and we don't want to go anywhere." And Adam starts pressing them more. Pepper goes like, "Oh, like, if we don't do what you say, like, where are you going to do? Like, we already are frozen here. We can't leave." And Wensley goes, "Actually, he could kill us." Adam reacts to this in a bit of like, a "Huh? What?" way but like, it's not enough yet. And he goes, "Okay, you know, I've unfrozen you. You can go wherever you want. You can talk. Go ahead, whatever. I don't care." All the kids leave, and Dog leaves with them. Adam starts floating after them, and they keep telling him like, "Hey, go away. Like, we're not your friends anymore. We don't like you." The voices are trying to tell him to let them go and that it doesn't matter, but no, he continues chasing them. He's very angry because he wants Dog back. Pepper goes, you know, "He's not your dog. He's his own dog, and I don't think he likes you anymore." Wensley says the first sentence the character's ever said without "actually" preceding it, which is, "You're really scary, and you aren't our friend." Which, good for him.

G: Wait, what do you mean the the first- what?

C: Haven't you noticed Wensley's, like, verbal tic is that he says "actually" in all of his sentences.

G: Ah. I didn't notice.

C: Like, when all of them are going, he's the one who goes like, "Actually, yes. I'm like, leaving also." So this is like, the first time that he hasn't done it. Brian gets to make a good point that "Oh, you're just gonna destroy the entire world because some adults fucked it up? Like, that's a reason to fix it, not destroy it." The power of rejection saves the day.

G: Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I said Episode 1, right, like, power of friendship- or episode whatever- "power of friendship will save the day." But really it's- I mean, when I was thinking that, I was thinking, "Oh, Adam's friends and family and whatnot will love him so much."

C: "Oh, we love you. We accept  you."

G: "Please be not a bad person." Not "We accept you," but, like, you know, "We know you're better than this" or whatever. But like, really, it's them being like, "Well, you're horrible for this!" [C laughs] and Adam- it's not that they love Adam so much that Adam decides to be better. It's that Adam loves them so much he decides to be better, which I quite like! I guess.

C: Yeah. I agree. It's more interesting than the other way around.

G: Yeah, I like the line when they're going, "We aren't your friends anymore," and Adam goes like, "I don't care!" Like, when they go, "We don't like you," Adam goes, "I don't care," being like, "Well, I mean, you could still not like and still be here," which I thought was so extremely funny. Go Adam. But yeah. Power of rejection saves the day.

C: Slay. Yeah. So he flies into the sky and let's out a really loud [G laughs] scream that- I don't think it works as well as it should, but, you know, whatever.

G: It was kind of goofy.

C: Yeah, there's a whole- there's a bunch of flashes of scenes from his life in the background, and it ends with his mom, saying hi to him when he first appeared in the convent. And then he passes out. He falls down. He passes out on the ground. He looks very normal again.

G: Speaking normally, etc.

C: Yeah. And he wakes up. And I think it's very fun that Brian has a cricket bat, like, raised, ready to knock him out again. But Adam goes, "I- sorry. I don't think I was thinking straight. But I am now." He goes like, "I don't know what I've started exactly, but we have to stop it. We have to- Yeah." And they head back into the village, and he tells them to get their bicycles, meet back here in five minutes. And then, ugh, this part's fucking annoying. Like, they ask Adam like, "Where are we going? Where are we going?" And he just like, walks straight ahead, not looking at them like, [dramatically] "The end of the world. It's not far." Like, first off, trailer line. Trailer line. Secondly, like, what you need to be doing right now is reestablishing like, trust with your friends, and that means you don't say ominous trailer line shit when they ask to be included in your plans.

G: Yeah. I also quite like that Dog hates him too.

C: Oh, yeah. [laughs] He hates his ass.

G: The fucking hellhound was like, "It's too much, you guys." [laughs] And I respect that.

C: There's a line in the book where the hellhound's thinking about returning to Hell and how like, he's gonna miss out on all these fun smells and stuff on Earth, and then it says, "And there were no bitches in Hell either." [both laughing]

G: No bitches.

C: Crazy thing to say. But I mean, I suppose there aren't.

G: Shall we talk about here about like, what you were trying to talk about last episode of what is the political whatever whatever of Adam?

C: Yeah, sure.

G: You know, the thesis statement is really what Brian said of like, just because some people have fucked things up does not mean that you have to destroy it. It just means you have to work on fixing it. does that correlate with what you were saying last episode of "Why is it conspiracy theories?" I don't know.

C: Yeah, shouldn't it be like, the truth that makes him upest.

G: Yeah, this episode feels so far removed from last episode. Don't you feel?

C: Yeah, it does.

G: Like, whatever they were trying to do with Adam feel so different from here and now.

C: It's confusing!

G: I think maybe it's just not written well. [laughs] Have we considered?

C: I think maybe it's not written well. Had 30 years to revise it and still wasn't written that well, this part.

-

G: So from here on out, we're going to divide the scenes into like, how each party gets to Tadfield. So first the first party to get to Tadfield is the Horsemen. So, you know, we see them riding their bikes, and they end up in Tadfield, and they meet RP Tyler who they asked for directions to the air base, and, you know, they say like, "Oh, the sign must have been blown off, or whatnot." And RP Typer upon - also, why are we supposed to know RP Tyler's name? I think I've seen this guy before talking to Anathema?

C: He introduces himself as neighborhood watch to Anathema last episode or the episode before that.

G: Like, why do you know? Why do you care?

C: Oh, why do I care? Me, specifically?

G: Book? Yeah, yeah.

C: Oh, yeah. I guess he talks a bit more in the book. But he has a name. So I know it.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. Well, you know, they just ask, and it's like a funny bit where RP Tyler sees all these, you know, all these people, and just starts talking like a normal, you know, villager who's like, "Oh, it's this way and that way. Go there, but don't go too far," and stuff like, that, and Famine does a joke of like, "Oh, I don't think I got all that," but Death, who's very serious, just says, "I got it!" and then proceeds. And then, you know, they arrive at the airbase, and there's a soldier over there, and the soldier will meet every single one of these characters. They decide that to get inside they will pretend to be American officers or whatnot. So they get there, they show their ID, and they are let into the air base. Once they get there, we figure out that what they're trying to do is turn on all of the fucking nuclear warheads all over the world.

C: It's very confusing the way it's narrated. God literally says the sentence, "They are taking control of the electricity. [both] All of it." Okay? It's not the electricity that changes what happens on the computer. Like, that's the computer's internal architecture Like, the power source does not do anything.

G: While this was happening, we see all of the light in the world turn off, so like, they're taking control of the electricity of the world-

C: But they're also doing a completely unrelated thing?

G: Yeah.

C: Cool.

G: Yeah. And, you know, when they get into the computer room, there's a bunch of soldiers there, and a guy like, asks for a screwdriver. Death gives the guy a screwdriver, and then, like, they notice that, "Oh, what the fuck are these weird people here?" and then everybody collapses to the ground, which is a parallel to something that happens later with Adam. They have like, conversations about like, how War is like, "Oh, the world will be at war." [C laughs] And then, you know, Pollution was like, "Not only like, war war, but also like, chemical warfare," whatever. And then Famine’s like, “And people will also be hungry.” [C laughing] So stupid!

C: The stupidest line, I think, is when he goes, “No more chickens.”

G: Yeah, like, okay! Whatever. And then we have all over the world like, I think what they show is the US and Russia, right? Specifically? All of their nuclear weapons being turned on, activated, and about to shoot out and kill everyone and everyone else.

C: The next people to get there are Anewthema. So basically, Newt says, "If we just pick a random prophecy, it should help us find where to go." And the one that they pick out says something about like, "a place where the metal bird lands no more" or whatever the fuck. and they realize that it has to be at Tadfield Airbase, and that the communication stuff in there can be used for evil. Yeah. Also, I guess at this point I looked up like, US military bases overseas, 'cause I know there were some in the Philippines, and I know from here that there are some in the UK, but apparently, there's 85 countries that contain US military bases outside of the US. There's only 20 countries in the whole Wikipedia page that have foreign military bases- or like, have military bases located overseas, and, like, the US has them in 85 countries. The one with the second most countries to that is the UK with 32. So like, the US really, really loves having military bases in other countries.

They drive over to the air base and they circle around behind it. Newt's freaking out about how he's going to get shot, jailed, and waterboarded by the soldiers there. And the prophecy that leads them forward says, "Behind the eagle's nest, a great ash hath fallen," and yeah, an ash tree fell over and like, knocked out part of the fence. So they get in through there. In the book, they still did run across a few guards, but, you know, I'm glad that they didn't here 'cause, okay, the two places where they run across guards- First one, they run into one that, like, Anathema knows because she like, met him at the pub or something earlier, and it goes, "A guard was sitting on it, smoking a cigarette. He was black. Newt always felt guilty in the presence of black Americans in case they blamed him for 200 years of slave trading." And then the other thing that happens with a different guard is that Newt tries to use his witchfinder ID to try to get in, to be like, "I'm part of an army." And remember how, when Anathema saw his ID earlier, she was like, "Oh, it says that you should be able to get all the dry kindling that you ask for." So the point that was to set up a joke with the other definition of the word "faggot."

G: [laughing] Oh my god.

C: It goes, "Finally, the guard's probing intellect found a word he thought he recognized. 'What's this here?' he said suspiciously, 'About us got to give you faggots?' 'Oh, we have to have them,' said Newt. 'We burn them.' 'Say what?' 'We burn them.' The guard's face broadened into a grin. [G laughing] And they told him England was soft. 'Right on!' he said." [screams]

G: Okay. [laughing] What is this?

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Well, I mean, it is British. It is British. So I don't know.

C: No, I mean, the British use is like, for cigarettes. Like, I think the joke is just that the Witchfinders Army is so old that it uses outdated language about dry kindling. But I just- you can't- You can't keep doing this in your book, Neil Gaiman and then refusing to let anyone be actually gay! Except for, I guess, the daughter or granddaughter of Mrs. Ormorod who's a lesbian but that's alright these days. At least he took it out. But it was in the radio show

G: [laughs] In 2015, baby.

C: Yeah, yeah. Last time I said that "faggot" was in the radio show, they didn't have the birthday- the birthday scene. They had this scene for their honorary f-slur scene of the radio show.

And then they start heading inside. Newt says like, some dumb thing about how like, "Oh, like, good job, Dick Turpin," and Anathema's like, "You really do call your car that. I bet you're hoping one day someone's gonna ask you why!" And she steps closer, and then she does not ask him why, so at least there's that. And she starts like, moving forward with determination, and the script describes her as like, "This is like, the witchiest that she has to get." She points out the direction for them to go, and she says she knows, "Because everything in my life, everything Agnes wrote down on that book 400 years ago. Everything is all leading me here. Now. With you. I know." I'm not really clear where they're going with Anathema and fate in this episode, but I guess it's mostly just for plot.

G: I don't think they will be focusing on Anathema a lot next episode. I hope they do a little bit. I a little bit doubt it, but I don't know. I guess I'll wait next episode to figure out what the hell they're trying to do with her and fate.

C: Yeah.

-

G: Well, the next party to arrive is Aziraphale who is, you know, in Madame Tracy and Shadwell. And the way they do this is they ride a motorcycle that is so slow it's unreal,

and, you know, Aziraphale's like, "Hey, can we get this on a little faster?" And, you know, Madame Tracy is like, "Only a miracle will get us to ten miles per hour!" or whatever. And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, yes! A miracle." So basically, he miracles them to fly to the air base.

C: Yeah. But he still uses his turn signal.

G: Yeah, so cute.

C: Yeah, he needs to pull into the driveway of his and Crowley's Southwestern ranch-style house on a new Kawasaki. [G exclaims] Did I take your joke?

G: I mean, you didn't take my joke because I wasn't gonna mention it because, you know, it's a different vibe, and I was like, "I do sincerely believe that he should, very much so, roar into the driveway of their Southwestern ranch-style house in a new Kawasaki, [overlapping] all yellow and background, fresh out of the showroom!" [both] Yeah.

C: When you were first discussing this song for them, and you were like, "And then Crowley's on the Kawasaki," and I'm like, "No, I think it would be Aziraphale." And you were like, "Really? But I feel- Wouldn't he be too scared? 'Cause it'd go too fast?"

G: Yeah 'cause I said- I told you, Crystal, like, "Oh, but Aziraphale's gonna be a bit scared to ride a motorcycle, do you think?" And you were like, "Well, he can miraculously elevate it a little bit." [C laughs] And I was like, "Okay, I'll take it. Aziraphale will roar into the driveway of their Southwestern ranch-style house on a new Kawasaki, all yellow and black, fresh out of the showroom." Also, I just love that fucking visual of the second verse of that song on them so bad.

C: Which part? The warm desert air part?

G: The "I hop on back of the bike, wrap my arms around you, and I sank my face into your hair, and then I inhaled as deeply as I possibly could take, and you were sweet and delicious, like the warm desert air"! God, is anybody else longing for, dot dot dot?

C: [laughs] Sure, man.

G: Watching- honestly, like, recently, watching Good Omens, watching Much Ado About Nothing- I watched When Harry Met Sally earlier today-

C: You rewatched it, yeah.

G: I don't know. It's ruining my life a little bit.

C: It really does give you unrealistic expectations about love. [G laughs]

G: Yes. Well, anyway, they arrive there, and then, you know, the guard won't let them in, and then we'll get to what happens next when Crystal talks about how Crowley gets there.

-

C: Yeah. So we have Crowley and he comes in on “We Will Rock You” by Queen. Her car's on fire, and RP Tyler is there, and Crowley is like, "Hey, can I- How's it goin'? Can I get some directions? 'Cause I think maybe a signpost blew down or something."

G: I have a question. Aside from Mary Loquacious, who does know who Crowley is, have we ever seen Crowley speak to a human being?

C: Well, he talked to the bartender earlier?

G: Not really. This is the first time he has an actual conversation with a human being, right?

C: Maybe.

G: Yeah. Have we seen Aziraphale? Well, with Madame Tracy, I suppose, and Shadwell.

C: Oh, well, Crowley has a conversation with Shadwell. He has a conversation with all those people in Soho.

G: Oh yeah! Huh. I don't know. I was just wondering, because, like, I feel like, in this scene, he is so polite. So polite.

C: Oh, yes.

G: I'd see him on the street. He'd ask me, "Hey, do you know where the thing is?" And I would be so charmed by this polite young man [C laughing] who is 40 or 50 years old. You know?

C: No, absolutely.

G: I don't know. So wonderful.

C: Yeah, no. He goes, "Excuse me. Sorry to bother you."

G: Yeah! And his car is on fire.

C: He is burning, his eyes are snake eyes, and he's like, "I've gotten a little bit lost. Do you know where Tadfield Airbase is?" They do like, a freeze frame humor moment where it's like, RP Tyler just wants to yell, "Your car is on fire," but he can't, because it'd be awkward, because obviously Crowley knows, so gives her directions. And it keeps going back and forth about how much he just wants to say, "Your car is on fire." And Crowley goes like, “Right. Got it. Terrific.” which is so cute, and starts heading out. RP Tyler goes, "Young man?" And Crowley goes, “Yes.” and then backs off and goes, "Very unusual weather for the time of year." Crowley goes, "I'm afraid I hadn't noticed." And then, finally, RP Tyler yells after him, "That's probably because your stupid car is on fire!" Ah. Crowley's so cute. Crowley's so so so so cute.

G: I am of the belief that they will be talking to more humans next season due to the lesbian fanfiction. The shipper lesbians.

C: I hate Neil Gaiman. I hate, hate, hate Neil Gaiman.

Basically, at the air base, did you already talk about how the guard wouldn't let Madame Tracy and Shadwell in? The guard isn't letting them in. Aziraphale and Madame Tracy are interrupting each other like, and not helping. And then the Bentley pulls around the corner, on fire. [G screams] "Bohemian Rhapsody" is blaring, and it's the "So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye" part, and Crowley comes out and goes, "You wouldn't get that sort of performance out of a modern car." She is a bit more of a loser failgirl in the script. She's supposed to fall down when she gets out and then have to get up again. But here, he's just like, cool. Aziraphale's voice is sort of shaky/hopeful/happy when he goes like, "Crowley?" And Crowley goes, “Hey, Aziraphale. I see you found a ride. Nice dress. Suits you.” [G screams] And Aziraphale's quite flattered. He does like a "Ah!" I couldn't tell if it was Aziraphale voice or Madame Tracy voice? I think it was Aziraphale voice.

G: No, it was Aziraphale voice, yeah.

C: God bless! Aziraphale goes, "This young man won't let us in."

G: And then Crowley just, like, super cool swag guy, just like, turns and goes, "Leave it to me." [C laughs] And then they go to the guard and goes, "Army human." [both laughing] "Army human, my friend and I have come a long way," and then, you know. Adam and the Them show up. We like, skipped a scene with Adam and friends where they like, are talking to RP Tyler, too. It doesn't matter. But, you know, it happens.

C: Yeah. The whole, "Oh, we're going to the air base, if that's all right with you. We wouldn't go to the air base if it wasn't all right with you." Just them snarking off at him, 'cause he's being annoying. They get the gate open through the power of Adam's mind and ride in with their bikes. Speaking of bikes, did you notice that Adam has a bike with a basket and he has put Dog inside the basket.

G: Yeah, Dog. Dog's in it. Yeah!

C: Yeah, which is very cute. And then we see Pepper’s bike, and it doesn't have a basket. And you recall in Episode 1 when she was complaining about how she got a bike, and it was a girl's bike with a basket, and she hated it. So I guess the implication is that they swapped bikes, which is nice.

G: Ooh! Yeah. That's sweet! I like that.

G: Adam is now inside the base, and they're just- all four of them are just standing in front of the building where the- what's that? Where the grownups - where the Horsemen are. And like, there's some choice imagery with the bikes and the parking where it's like, "Oh, they parked like, the same way the Horsemen parked," and all that, and it's, you know, it's like, "Horsemen are on motorbikes, and they're on bike bikes." There's, you know, Adam's there, and they're all looking up at the thing, and Pepper asks, like, "Do you know these people? Are they grownups?" And Adam just goes, "Yeah, they're grownups," which I find- I don't know. I like that question. "Are they grownups?" And they are. So suddenly, a bunch of military personnel come out and are like, pointing guns at these kids and asking them what the hell they're thinking, this is military property. And Adam just goes, “I think you all need to go to sleep now.” They all collapse on the floor, which, as I've said earlier, is a parallel to the whole Death making everyone die. Adam shouts, “I'm here!” and the Horsemen, you know, go, “Oh, he's here! Everything ends now. Time is over.”

C: Yup. And that's episode.

G: That's the end of the episode.

-

G: When it ended, I felt the same way I felt when I watched- what is it? Across the Spider-Verse? 'Cause like, for some reason, I didn't realize that it wasn't gonna start this episode. I was like, "It's just gonna keep on going. And then the Apocalypse is gonna happen." And then I was like, "Oh no! I have to wait a week!" So horrible.

C: Yeah. Yeah. But as soon as we hang up, you can watch it.

G: Yes, we can. I can. Is it gonna be horrible? I don't think it's gonna be horrible. I don't think it would have made you feel, you know, the feelings that you felt if it was horrible.

C: I would say, there was not gonna be a Season 2, so it concludes as its own story.

G: It wraps up. My god. I'm looking at the episode list right now, like, I can click on it right now, and it will start. But alas! I am, instead, staring at Michael Sheen and David Tennant's face on the poster.

C: Yeah. Alright. What'd you think about this episode?

G: Boring! Except when it's not.

C: Yeah. Boring. I called it a nothing episode, and it sort of is.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be. Are we doing gayest moment?

G: We're gonna go gayest moment?

C: Sure. Gayest moment?

G: I don't know.

C: The whole pop scene did happen.

G: Yeah, I guess so. I think maybe- I mean, the music cue of "Somebody to Love."

C: Oh, yes.

G: It is. It is. It's the corniest, tackiest, gayest thing to happen this episode. [C laughs]

C: Sure is. I think I really like the music cue when Crowley got hit with that hose. Yeah, I feel like it is very clearly the like, "All is lost" blah blah blah sort of thing. And it's 'cause they're in wuv.

G: Yeah. Most transgender moment. It's weird, because Aziraphale possesses a woman this episode-

C: And it's not trans at all. Not at all, yeah. Zero.

G: - but I don't feel like that is. [laughs] "Trans in the Tumblr sense." Jesus Christ.

C: [laughing] Shut up!

G: You know what? The M25 was transgender in the Tumblr sense. [C laughing]

C: It transformed from being not on fire to on fire. [both laughing]

G: The M25 was transgender for not being the Odegra in the first draft, [C laughing] and then being the Odegra when it was finally built.

C: Literally. I think Crowley was very trans for driving across the M25 while on fire and holding everything together with the power of his imagination. I don't have a reason. I just think it was really trans of him.

G: Yeah. I think Crowley going, "Leave it to me" was very transgender, too.

C: Real.

G: Predictions!

C: Yeah, the last shot you have. Any new ones? Any ones you want to take back or revise?

G: No, I still want Aziraphale to shoot that kid so bad.

C: With a brick, even

G: With a brick! Yeah. In the in the page where I watch- [laughs] In the completely legal site where I watch Good Omens, there's a cast list, and the cast list goes like this: “Michael Sheen, David Tennant, John Hamm, Michael McKean, Benedict Cumberbatch.”

C: Why is he that high up?

G: I don't know. I don't know who Michael McKean is.

C: Oh, he played Shadwell.

G: I know the first three, and then Michael Mckean. And then I was like, "Benedict Cumberbatch. What role does he play?" And I asked Crystal this, and Crystal just goes, "Uh, he doesn't show up yet." And I was like, "Is he gonna be Satan?" And Crystal goes, "Uhh," [C laughs] so yeah, I think Benedict Cumberbatch is gonna be Satan so bad it's unreal. That's my only prediction.

C: Yeah.

G: Well, I guess also that Satan will show up. Which, I mean, yeah. What else can I predict? I don't know. They're gonna be- I mean, it's gonna end with a- What's the bird that you keep on fucking talking about?

C: The nightingale.

G: The nightingale. It's gonna end with a scene where there are nightingales singing or whatever, which I assume is a good memory, because Crowley brings it up [C hissing] when they have divorce, so.

C: Yeah. Well. Great.

G: [laughs] Those are my predictions.

C: Personal rating? 6 out of 10. 5.5? 6?

G: 7.

C: 5.5? Don't know.

G: I'll go with 6. I'll go with 6.

C: Yeah, I mean- no, I need to leave the 5s and under for for Season 2. 6!

-

C: That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about Season 1, Episode 6: "The First Day of the Rest of Their Lives"? Did I get that one?

G: No, it's "The Very Last Day."

C: Sorry, "The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives."

G: Which is an interesting title.

C: Yeah.

C: Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: Follow us on social media! We interact through the accounts set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So catch us on Tumblr. We are at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and email us at [email protected]. I would like to say that we have been receiving quite a lot of asks and emails and stuff-

C: It makes me very happy.

G: - and it's so wonderful. Makes us so happy. Thank you so much for listening to us and for interacting with us on our social medias.

C: Yeah. And thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! Bye!

G: Bye!

[theme song]

-

G: Wait, I'm going to finish this congee that I'm eating.

C: Slay.

G: You know, this congee has century egg.

C: Oh hell yeah! Wait, does it also have like, pork in it?

G: No, mushrooms. Mushrooms and century egg.

C: Okay. Good combo.

G: Century egg is so wonderful. I watched a video once of like, American guys, like white guys, eating it, and they were like, “Eugh!” And I was like, “You will never understand the bond between me and century eggs!” [C laughing]

C: For fucking real.

-

[beep]

C: They let him be Scottish! [G laughing] It's a rare treat.

G: Like, your only two choices are Much Ado About Nothing (2011), or Ducktales. [C laughing] What other pieces of media is David Tennant Scottish in.

C: I think he's Scottish in Broadchurch.

G: Broadchurch. I've been meaning to watch it, but probably not.

C: Eh. I mean, it is a cop show.

G: Is that it?

C: Oh, I mean, I've not touched the majority of his repertoire, so I wouldn't know.

G: Yeah, that's true. Scrolling through the David Tennant IMDb or whatnot, the thing that I found most fascinating is that he's in the Adele Night to Remember movie concert-

C: Yes! As an audience member.

G: [both laughing] As an audience member of the Adele concert, and I love it so so much.

C: Well, maybe he’s Scottish in the Love’s Labour’s Lost that’s in a fucking archive in London, and one day I will go there, and I will take it for the world to be able to see. 

G: You guys will not believe the amount of like, me asking people to email libraries [both laughing] to get specific archived David Tennant footages of plays.

C: And the David Tennant Romeo & Juliet. Please! If anyone-

G: Can you just fucking give it to us, you guys?

C: If anyone's an employee of- I forgot the library.

G: The British something something library.

C: But whatever archive holds everything that the Royal Shakespeare Company films like, for, their own personal keeping. If you just wanna leak that over my way, [G laughs] I'm- I'm here.

G: If you want to send it to us through email at [email protected], we would be very happy.

C: Yeah! Yeah. Just a thought.

#transcript #rubbishpod

[a-typical]

The first song concluded, and Marvin walked in front of the cameras and raised his arms modestly for silence. In the control booth, the engineer turned down the Applause track.

“Brothers and sisters, thank you, thank you, wasn’t that beautiful? And remember, you can hear that song and others just as edifyin’ on Jesus Is My Buddy, just phone 1-800-CASH and pledge your donation now.

“Brothers and sisters, I’ve got a message for you all, an urgent message from our Lord, for you all, man and woman and little babes, friends, let me tell you about the Apocalypse. It’s all there in your Bible, in the Revelation our Lord gave Saint John on Patmos, and in the Book of Daniel. The Lord always gives it to you straight, friends—your future. So what’s goin’ to happen?

“War. Plague. Famine. Death. Rivers urv blurd. Great earthquakes.

Nukyeler missiles. Horrible times are comin’, brothers and sisters. And there’s only one way to avoid ’em.

“Before the Destruction comes—before the four horsemen of the apocalypse ride out—before the nukerler missles rain down on the unbelievers—there will come The Rapture.

“What’s the Rapture? I hear you cry.

“When the Rapture comes, brothers and sisters, all the True Believers will be swept up in the air—it don’t mind what you’re doin’, you could be in the bath, you could be at work, you could be drivin’ your car, or just sittin’ at home readin’ your Bible. Suddenly you’ll be up there in the air, in perfect and incorruptible bodies. And you’ll be up in the air, lookin’ down at the world as the years of destruction arrive. Only the faithful will be saved, only those of you who have been born again will avoid the pain and the death and the horror and the burnin’. Then will come the great war between Heaven and Hell, and Heaven will destroy the forces of Hell, and God shall wipe away the tears of the sufferin’, and there shall be no more death, or sorrow, or cryin’, or pain, and he shall rayon in glory for ever and ever—”

He stopped, suddenly.

“Well, nice try,” he said, in a completely different voice, “only it won’t be like that at all. Not really.

“I mean, you’re right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff—well, if you could see them all in Heaven—serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league of us, flaming swords, all that, well, what I’m trying to say is who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them?

If that’s your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.

“And as for that stuff about Heaven inevitably winning … Well, to be honest, if it were that cut and dried, there wouldn’t be a Celestial War in the first place, would there? It’s propaganda. Pure and simple. We’ve got no more than a fifty percent chance of coming out on top. You might just as well send money to a Satanist hotline to cover your bets, although to be frank when the fire falls and the seas of blood rise you lot are all going to be civilian casualties either way. Between our war and your war, they’re going to kill everyone and let God sort it out—right?

“Anyway, sorry to stand here wittering, I’ve just a quick question—

where am I?”

Marvin O. Bagman was gradually going purple.

“It’s the devil! Lord protect me! The devil is speakin’ through me!” he erupted, and interrupted himself, “Oh no, quite the opposite in fact. I’m an angel. Ah. This has to be America, doesn’t it? So sorry, can’t stay … ”

Good Omens — Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman

#Good Omens #Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter Witch #Terry Pratchett #Neil Gaiman #books #quote #reading #bookblr #bibliophile #bookworm #currently reading #booklr #atypicalreads #1990s #90s #satan #End Times #Aziraphale #Crowley #fiction

[oldstorynewart]

Of Angels, Demons, and Unlikely Kinship

In the beginning, I dwelt the gardens of a Protestant primary school.

My mother served me apples, however, and having received such human upbringing I never did devote myself to the Lord. I just couldn’t grasp how God could create something so delightfully flawed as humanity only to judge it for being its perfectly imperfect self. Sauntering vaguely downwards on the wings of the atheist exodus, I took refuge in the wonderful worlds of Greek and Norse mythology. I never doubted the non-existence of those deities, and found the definite truth of their fiction to be much more compelling than the possible fiction of Biblical truth. That made me wonder: would the Biblical stories that befell me as a child be just as worthwhile if I treated them as myth? Good Omens – the 1990 novel written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman – taught me the answer to that question is an absolute, religiously capitalized ‘Yes’. Through a comic reimagining of the Christian canon, Pratchett and Gaiman preach the tales that raised me are still – in the words of the demon Crowley – flaming like anything. 

Good Omens follows the angel Aziraphale and the demon Crowley, the respective representatives of Heaven and Hell on Earth. Throughout the centuries these entities have grown rather fond their home (and of each other, although they’d rather not confess to that). When Crowley is asked to deliver an infant Antichrist to an order of satanic nuns he is far from ecstatic, because this child’s arrival marks the beginning of the end of the world. Hoping to prevent him from causing Armageddon, demon and angel join forces to raise Satan’s son as ethically neutral as possible. Through a poetically human error, the two lose sight of the Adversary and they embark on a wild quest to find the hellish Prince in hopes of canceling the apocalypse. The child – whose name is Adam – has been raised by regular people in the town of Tadfield, England, and finds himself rather confused when he gains the power to alter reality in any way he wishes. Crowley, Aziraphale, and Adam are joined by a wild dramatis personae that includes witches and witch hunters, horsepersons, hellhounds, and Hells Angels, as well as a full chorus of Atlanteans, Americans, and Aliens.

Although the book takes its liberties in adapting the Biblical canon, it does include many of the aspects of the ‘real’ Armageddon. It is said the final battle between Heaven and Hell will take place here, which will be satanic in origin. The Antichrist is said to deny the Father and the Son, and he will be accompanied by the four horsemen of the Apocalypse – War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. All of these are present in Good Omens – although the novel claims Pollution took the place of Pestilence after the invention of penicillin. It's said the kings of the East will march to battle against the kingdom of the Antichrist (Aziraphale is the angel of the Eastern Gate), and in the end the Lord will prevail. In a way, the Lord does prevail at the end of the story. Adam has to choose between his devilish destiny and the love of his friends, and he – having been raised on human kindness – chooses love. He ends Armageddon by altering reality so that Satan was never his father (a clever play on ‘denying the Father’), and in this way love prevails. If anything, the novel preaches that no one is inherently good or evil, and that love is stronger than hatred. And isn’t that what God is all about?

With Good Omens, Pratchett and Gaiman question many aspects about the Biblical worldview, including free will, the nature-nurture debate in relation to good and evil, and the utility of dichotomous thinking. In line with their gospel, the two authors avoid taking sides in these debates through a simple trick: with every question Crowley asks, Aziraphale answers that God’s Great Plan is ineffable. In other words, anything that happens in the story might have been intended all along, and none of us readers – whether we be Christian or not – can ever argue against God’s logic. The book does a miraculous job at questioning the Biblical canon in a playful and lighthearted way, and it invites us to do the same. In this way, the novel does exactly what I needed it to do: it makes the stories that raised me fun again, and it dares us to believe love will indeed be victorious. It mythicizes the Bible, and in this safe space of fiction we might just get the revelation that eating an apple every now and then is perhaps not such a bad thing.  

[dionysia-does-stories]

Chaoses Crash Together

Cringetober 2023, Day 9: Rarepair.

On AO3

Rating T - 855 words - Good Omens - Famine/War

Summary: Famine starts the French Revolution because he misses War.

1789, France

Famine felt like he had been here for ages. He was chipping away at this country, but it was slow going. He’d made the harvests sparse. He hadn’t been able to kill them entirely but the yield was not enough to fill every (or even most) stomachs in the country. In combination with the convoluted and cruel tax structure, there was no money to buy what little food was produced.

That’s what drew him here. You could starve any old swath of land. Most of the time all he got for his trouble was a weak, helpless populace. Usually some terrible tyrant took them to the slaughter and it was all over before it started.

But when he’d walked through this kingdom he’d felt the boiling rage. Barely controlled hatred writhed through the streets. These people had divided themselves into three classes with the bulk of the labor being done by the largest group with the smallest say in the government. The lowly feudal peasant, oppressed everywhere but here they were ready to take their power back. As the economy slowed down there was less and less reason to be docile, to be submissive.

France was a powder keg that Famine lit with the great fire of hunger.

Famine had assumed the name Ronce Noircir and taken on a role as <i> un noblesse de robe <i> and gotten very involved with the local governments. There were already strong conservative values dominating lawmaking. It was easy to convince them that restructuring how agriculture was taxed would be the end of France as they knew it.

So, the people starved. 

Ronce Noircir looked the part of an elegant nobleman. He was sharply dressed and well groomed. He was hopeful that tonight was the night when all his small machinations finally paid off. 

He walked toward the center of Paris. Around him there were riots. There was anger. But there wasn’t quite—The Bastille caught fire.

Something shifted in the air. She was here.

He stood still, breathing in the change to atmosphere. The oxygen molecules hung heavy in the air. A kind of bloodlust dragging them down.

He heard the click, click, click of her shoes. There was a skip to her step as she made her way down the road. She was dressed for a mad revel of party, as though the flames behind her were better than the finest festivities Versailles itself could offer.

“My love,” she called and something in him clicked into place as it only did when they were together.

He reached out a hand. “I’ve missed you.”

“Did you do this all for me? This is spectacular, but I can tell it comes from a place of hunger.”

She was openly impressed and he bowed his head to hide his embarrassment. They were meant to be together. They were two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. But in the time between the beginning of the plan and when the anti-christ finally came to Earth, they were supposed to be separate. He should be terrorizing one place and she another.

They had figured out long ago that often famine led to war and war led to famine. And in the in between moments where chaoses crashed together into a a cacophony of human torment, they could be together.

“I missed you,” he told her.

She reached out to him, wrapping him in her arms and pulling him into a dance with no music.

“I will need a name.” She whirled herself around, dragging him along.

She was a devilishly happy creature. So completely in the current moment. So free and wild.

She always said, <i> ‘you know it’s a war when the old world is burning. And for a terrible fluttering moment you think the new world will be better.’ <i>

Famine threw himself into the dance. “My cover identity has a fake wife, Vermeil. You could be her.”

“I would poke fun at you for planning ahead,” she said, “but we both know that’s my favorite of your traits.”

“We could be here for years,” he said.

“Playing house,” she added.

There was an explosion in the distance.

Famine looked to the horizon, orange with fire and loud with screams. “Will there be anything left of that building when they’re done?”

“No,” War said, her tone colored by excitement. “They’re going to rip it apart brick by brick. They’re going to remember tonight forever. This one is going to be some of the best years of our lives.”

She kissed him, slow and hungry. She wondered sometimes if the aching empty starvation she felt when she was away from him was because of his abilities. He was Famine after all. But she had read enough poetry and had seen enough war to know that even humans felt like this.

In the centuries that followed, she remembered how deftly she and Famine had woven their powers together. Creating a war fueled by hunger. She thought fondly on it every time she heard someone say ‘Let them eat cake’, an endless echo of the power of their union.

#good omens fan fiction #fan fiction #good omens #famine/war #famine #war #French revolution #cringetober 2023 #day 9 #rarepair

[finleycannotdraw]

Realized I’ve never drawn Pollution before. Had to do something about that.

#good omens #my art #fanart #finley cannot draw #good omens pollution #pollution #hhhh #ok fuckin hell pollution did not have to be this gorgeous #good omens: and here are the four horsemen of the apocalypse #fans: *simp* #it’s me I’m fans #finley cannot tag #digital art #never drawn them before #we love a non-binary immortal destructive being #an absolute icon