#gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

Rules for the Wayne Galas

If I have to be there, then so do you.

No knives, guns, or any sort of explosives.

Green hair is no longer an excuse to skip the galas.

No gymnastic displays.

No dead jokes.

You're strictly forbidden from trying to set anyone up for an arranged marriage.

Talking to the press is not allowed either.

No sneaking animals.

No Kryptonians.

Nor anyone from the Arrows.

Former villains or anti-heroes as a plus one are also not permitted (except for Selina).

Avoid the blue/red/yellow color combination.

Marxist quotes are completely forbidden.

No drink spiking.

Especially not with cheap alcohol.

Hiding in the panic room is also not permitted.

#jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #dick grayson #batboys #stephanie brown #batfamily #batman #bruce wayne #gothamnit #galas #barbara gordon #cassandra cain

[p1nkshield]

The brain worm head cannon of Batman being able to carry all of his adult children in case of emergencies is incredibly amusing to me still and I want to show you why.

Imagine being a Gothamnite walking around at night and you just see Batman absolutely MACKING IT with Nightwing in his arms.

Has Batman kidnapped Nightwing? Will Nightwing be okay? IS NIGHTWING OKAY?

and then you hear “pUt mE DoWn B, ITs jUsT a sTab wOuNd I’m FINE!”

“Stop squirming.”

The Gothamnite realizes this is just vigilante parenting.

Bruce knows that his kids take after him in his self destructive habits so he has to physically remove them if they need to leave a fight.

It just so happens that the easiest way to do that is to yoink and skiddadle.

The absurdity of that image just amuses me

#Bruce hates when Clark does this to him but he does it to every single robin forever #dick grayson #batfam #bruce wayne #nightwing #batman #incorrect batfamily quotes #the Gotham experience

[a-marlene-s]

Can you do an au where Mari is an exchange student (Sabine and Tom are her host family) where she's a gothamite, and just deals with the akumas because this really isn't anything new (check out @hashtagonlyingotham for a total mood)

Had a bit trouble understanding the question... is she Ladybug in this?

Eh, either way, I'm making this into a twin au.

PV: Bridgette and Felix are in this as Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Marinette is the very "I've dealt with worse in Gotham, don't care about Akumas" gothamnite.

Adrien just got back from a long term vacation and is now living with his cousin and aunt. (Vacation is just a cover up while his aunt battles in custody court for Adrien.)

Marinette simply walks by the Akuma. Does the phase... not today, come to mind?

It comes to mind all the damn time.

Everyone watches in both mild horror or mild interest on how Marinette could simply walk pass an Akuma and not give a damn.

"Please, the Joker is far more terrifying than.... this thing." "Hey! That hurts my feelings!" "Next time, don't make the Joker look... fashionable. God... I need to wash out my mouth now."

#au #ml

[awkwardbluefish]

Cake to the Hood

A/n - Happy Birthday Jason Todd!

Warning: Swearing

—

“Okay, what the hell was that for?” Jason demands, voice going from electronic to his familiar Gothamnite drawl as fingers catch on the latch and pull the hood off. He had just cleaned it yesterday damnit, a whole damn hour getting rid of boot marks and muck off the surface and then dickface throws a fuckin’ cake at it! He was so dead once Jason wiped the white frosting off it.

Dick merely cackles, falling through Jason’s window like a bloody pretzel and crashing into Jason’s ankles. He’s tempted to stomp on his head but then he’d have to clean his boots too and he isn’t about to force more labour onto himself even if it was technically Dick’s fault.

Only when he manages to stop laughing like a hyena and slapping cream carpeted floor like a seal, does Dick finally answer. The bastard. “Guess!” He chirps, rolling onto his back so he can successfully pull off the domino still attached to his cheek bones.

Jason sends him a scowl, dropping the cake ridden hood at his brothers face and lips twitching down further when the bastard merely catches it. Dick sends him a grin, hugging the helmet to his chest like some form of a teddy bear, smearing frothy icing on biceps. The fucker was way too cheerful for a black eye and a bruising cheek. Vaguely he wonders if he could get away with giving the bastard matching panda eyes. Now that would be good payback.

He’s done many things to deserve revenge, but a cake being thrown at him? That was just plain weird. He’s broken bones, teased the younger brats mercilessly. He’s also ate all of Dick’s cereal out of pure spite yesterday. Even the lucky charms. Jason hates lucky charms. He doesn’t think Dick knows that just yet though. “Payback for eating your freakishly large cereal collection.”

Dick goes eerily still and Jason is most probably going to die, again, but it was worth it for his reaction. Slowly Dick stretches to a stand, no longer hugging the hood and appearing to hold it as a potentially flying projectile instead. Ocean blue eyes glare into forest green and Jason genuinely feels a stab of fear flow through his veins.

“Your lucky today is special. Really lucky.” If this is how Nightwing becomes a villain Jason wants credit.

He blinks as Dick does a 180 with a shake of his head and is suddenly grinning, tossing him back his hood. He’ll need to vacuum later; the sprinkles have gotten everywhere. He huffs, snatches the oiled rag hanging by the window. It was a handy place to keep it, surprisingly.

“So ya throw a perfectly edible cake at my helmet that I could’ve eaten? Ya fuckin’ serious right now? Could’ve just told me to take it off, at least I’d actually get ta fuckin’ eat it then.” Jason grumbles, scrubbing at the frosting stuck in the little nooks of the scratches and the camouflaged kinks on the side. “What’s so special that you had to throw a fuckin’ cake at me in three in the morning’ anyway? Jesus bigwing.”

With as much of the cake scraped off as possible, he decides chucking the oil ridden rag at the idiot in front of him is the next best action. Again, infuriatingly, Dick catches it with a small grin that was slightly bemused. What wasn’t Jason getting now?

“Really?” Dick asks, looking fondly exasperated. Gross. Jason gives him a look and Dickface looks absolutely delighted. Jason’s too late to abort the mission. “Oh my god, you’re just like Babybird!” He exclaims, squealing and flapping his arms up and down. Jason blinks.

“And how am I like that caffeine addict exactly?” Jason demands, gently laying his hood on the coffee table beside his couch. It’s the top floor. No one would see.

“Timmy always forgets his birthdays.” Dick teases and Jason blinks. That’s not what he was expecting.

“It is not my birthday.” Jason states simply.

Dick shakes his head, biting his bottom lip with his teeth to supress the obnoxious grin. “It’s definitely your birthday.”

“Give me a calendar.” Jason demands, he’s tired and he smells like cake and smoke. He needs a shower. He just needs to prove the fucker wrong and he can finally go get some well needed asleep.

Dick happily complies, messing with his gauntlet. A second later and a blue holographic screen lights up the tiny apartment. Hadn’t they switched the lights on? Considering they were still two centimetres from the open window pumping chemical fumes into his tiny safehouse, Jason would take that as a no.

“It’s not and I will prove it to you,” Jason mumbles, eyeing the screen. He blinks. “Oh. Never mind. Happy Birthday to me.”

A wheeze of air escapes his older brothers’ lips, stomach tensing with strain before bubbles of laughter tears through the air. Jason’s stomach coils with warmth before ice carves its way through his veins. With a flick, the lights are on. Dick and Jason hadn’t moved though, someone was in his house. Fuck he was getting rusty. A warm palm cups the back of his neck, puffs of air brushing against a brown jacket as warm laughter and chatter arises from behind them. He resists rolling his eyes, instead hip bumping the laughing form away to turn and greet his guests. A head is quickly dug its way between his shoulder blades as Dick absolutely fails to get himself together.

Damian is sitting on the back of the lime green couch, a frown on his lips but the furrowed brow crinkled in amusement gives him away. Stephanie is cackling, her shoulders shaking in mirth, white pearly teeth stained orange with the cheezles between her lips. Barbara’s emerald eyes catch on his forest green ones, a smile pulling at glossed lips while pulling a striped plastic bag onto her lap. Cass makes the first move though, gracefully leveling herself to her feet from the crisscrossed form on the carpet, a warm arm wrapping around his waist as another pushes their older brother away. Soft lips press against his cheek, completely ignoring the stubble lingering there from yesterdays’ shave. Jason rakes his hand through the charcoal hair, belly rumbling with a chuckle or two as she leans into the touch.

“Did the stakeout mess with your head that much?” Tim asks and Jason scowls at the boy nestled on his beanbag, Alfred’s cotton stitched blanket woven over bony shoulders. How hadn’t he heard the babybird? Beanbags are far from quiet after all. If anyone asks, he blames the non-existent cake crammed in his ears.

“Don’t be mean to the birthday boy!” Dick butts in, expertly dodging around Cass’ frame to snap on a party hat on Jason’s head. At least it isn’t black, he decides as the neon green seems to glow in the dim lighting. Tim rolls his eyes, lips pulling up with that rare small smile of his. Jason doesn’t smile back, but it’s a close thing.

“Yeah,” Jason puffs out his chest with a smirk, “don’t mess with the birthday boy.”

Cassandra squeezes his waist as Damian groans and rolls his eyes. The boy lets gravity take him, falling forward onto the cushions below, limbs bouncing with the impact. Robins, dramatic little birds. Jason would know. Stephanie snickers, stuffing one more sugar coated junk into her mouth before full on prancing the one metre to poke and prod at the boy.

“I hate you.” Tim decides, no heat behind his words. Jason detangles himself from Cass hug, placing a chaste kiss to her forehead before striding over to plonk himself onto the boy, grinning with his teeth at the distressed noise the boy manages to squeak out in a gasping breath. Jason merely smirks as fingers dig into his jacket, palms pushing against back muscles. They both now if Tim really didn’t want to be sat on, he wouldn’t be.

Ding.

Dick pauses messing about with placing plastic cups and parcels on the coffee table, straitening up with a grin. Jason watches bemused, wiggling to get comfortable on Tim’s stomach as Dick yanks the door open, basically throwing Duke inside. Alfred and Bruce stride in much more gracefully, a small smile on both of their lips.

“Happy birthday, Master Jason.” Alfred says, two bulging plastic bags placed gently by Barbara’s feet near the coffee table. Jason ducks, smiling to himself at the mans fond expression. Alfred simply smiles at the top of his head and Jason feels no guilt wiggling forcefully down onto the laughing boy underneath him. It was his birthday and yet these shits were taking the micky out of him. The bastards, Jason thinks fondly. A cool hand pats his cheek and Jason stops his withering, pausing to grin at his grandfather and to accept the kiss to his hairline.

Bruce pats Alfred’s shoulder in passing, raising a brow at Tim’s undignified squawk as Jason digs an elbow to his side. He doesn’t say anything though, a smile teasing at his lips. Jason hears Bruce’s knees crack before seeing the older man kneeling. A hand brushes through his locks, blunt nails scratching at his scalp.

“Happy birthday, chum.” Bruce murmurs and his voice is so soft, so fond that Jason doesn’t really know what to do. When all else fails diversion is the next best step. He is not dealing with mushy feelings right now.

“Look, all of this is nice and all but if anyone throws a perfectly edible cake at me again, I will become a cannibal so I can eat something.”

#tim drake #dick grayson #dc #jason todd #damian wayne #batfamily #bruce wayne #cassandra cain #duke thomas #stephanie brown #barbara gordon #alfred pennyworth #my writing #mine

[batfamstan4life]

*In Batcave having a meeting*

Jason: *opens box of thin mints and starts eating them*

Bruce: Jason are you going to give those out equally to everyone?

Jason: THAT'S COMMUNISIM!!! I SIR AM AN GOTHAMNITE! I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!!!!!

#batman #batfam #dc #dc universe #dc comics #jason todd #batfamily #bat family #robin #bruce wayne #red hood

[incorrectgrayson-toddquotes]

Random Question

Are Gotham citizens called... Gothamnites? I seemed to see it somewhere but I'm not really sure.

#not quotes

[waynefamilyreactions]

As Told By The Gotham Citizens

#jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #batfamily #bruce wayne #batboys #tweetlikeabatbrat #only in gotham #gothamit #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

Things said by the batfamily during a commercial flight.

“What do you mean you don’t have enough first class seats ma’am?”

“You’re flying Economy, brat, you’re the one with the shortest legs”

“No way, Todd, last time I checked the legally dead can’t fly”

“Extra cost for overweight luggage? Since when?”

“Bet you 20 bucks Jason gets stopped by security”

“No sir, I swear I don’t have any sharps or firearms within my person”

“No sir, that’s not meth it’s purple food colouring”

“I swear I am not related to any of them”

“4 dollars for a bottle of water? Fuck no, drink from the water faucet”

“Where’s Dick? Our zone just got called,”

“Where do you think? Getting skin care airport size products at Duty Free”

“Has anybody seen Duke?”

“He’s getting a massage”

“Listen here everyone, I am boarding that plane with or without you,”

“I call dibs on sitting next to Alfred,”

“Absolutely no. I am sitting next to Alfred, or else you’re all grounded”

“Why is Tim not waking up? We’re boarding soon”

“He knocked himself out with melatodine gummies”

“Master Jason, please don’t draw on your brother’s face while he’s unconscious”

“It’s our chance, let’s ditch Drake for real”

“Shit i can’t find my passport”

“I can lend you one of mine. I’ve got Ireland, UK, Spain, Singapore, Russian, and North Korea’s”

“How in the hell you got a North Korean passport?”

“Are you wearing red hair in your Irish passport?”

“Can you believe it? They have 100 ml Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair!”

“This salad is disgusting, Father, i can’t eat this”

“Then don’t eat”

“I’ll stab you Drake i swear”

“How did you slipped a knife through security?”

“Only a knife? What an Amateur”

#batfamily headcanons #batfamily #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batman #batboys #duke thomas #stephanie brown #only in gotham #gothamit #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

*Full blown-out fistfight in the middle of the movie theatre*

“We’re watching Oppenheimer, brat,”

“Fuck you Todd, Barbie has to be first, back me up Grayson”

“Language, Damian”

“Who says that?”

“Common knowledge, Timmy,”

“You don’t have to watch both movies on the same day, children,”

“Oh my god, who invited him?”

“He has the theatre’s VIP card”

“I thought Jason knew all the PINs for Bruce’s credit cards”

��Are those the Wayne children?”

“The real question is, Is Bruce Wayne actually wearing pink or am I imagining things?”

“Setph, Cass, come on, we’re ditching this losers”

“No, wait for me. Please. Please”

“Thomas, you disgusting traitor,”

#jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #batman #batfamily #bruce wayne #batboys #stephanie brown #gothamnit #cassandra cain #duke thomas #only in gotham #gothamit #barbara gordon

[waynefamilyreactions]

"Grayson, why is there an 'X' instead of the bird for Twitter's logo app? I hate it,"

"Great, Lex Luthor just got accepted back on Twitter,"

"Father, you have to do something"

"I can't believe I am saying this but the brat is right"

"Mind repeating that, Replacement? And look at the camera"

"Hashtag bring the bird back"

#batman #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #batfamily #bruce wayne #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

Playing the Guess Who Game - Batfam Edition (+ Alfred)

Tim: Is your character mentally stable?

Damian: No.

Tim: *Lowers Duke’s and Alfred’s characters down leaving the rest up*

#damian wayne #tim drake #batfamily headcanons #batfam #batfamily #only in gotham #gothamit #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

New to Gotham? A useful friendly guide for the newbies at Gotham.

There's never a boring day in Gotham City.

The best view of the city is from the Wayne Enterprises rooftop. Entrance is for free during the weekend.

Came to Gotham as a tourist? First things first: why?

Red-lights and traffic rules are more of a suggestion.

If you're not from Gotham, and unless you have very good reflexes, avoid driving in the city and a very likely trip to the ER.

On the bright side, chances of bumping into the Waynes at the ER are high.

Sign our Changeorg petition for the making of 'Keeping up with the Waynes'. Don't question it, just sign it.

In Gotham, the 'It' movie (2017) is rated as A+ and classified as an educational documentary.

Although sort of infamous, and for some reason considered a Gotham attraction, 'Crime Alley' is literally an Alley of Crime. It should go without saying that visiting is NOT advised.

Metropolis might be safer and sunnier, but we got style.

Always look both ways before crossing a street even if its a One-Way street.

If still in school, don't make fun of the smart kids in your class, they are the most likely to answer a Riddler's Riddle and save you all.

Don't be surprised if your therapist turns out to be one of the Gotham's most wanted.

Improved universal antidote formula for laughing-gas and poison-ivy's pheromones (previous to august of this year) can be acquired for free at any Gotham Hospital.

Best coffee shop is the family-owned business on the corner of the ninth avenue at Old Gotham District. Rated as top 1 by Red-Robin and also positively reviewed by Wayne member Tim Drake.

Fan of art and animal-lover? There are a couple of handmade paintings by Damian Wayne that could be acquired at Gotham's Gallery. All earnings go to Gotham's animal rescue centers.

Most of the famous Gotham criminals are all professionals despite their funny names, do not underestimate them.

Think you're tough? Think again.

Have fun and enjoy your time in Gotham. It's kinda nice once you get used to it.

#only in gotham #gothamit #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

Bruce Wayne's list of Rules for Halloween Season

KINDA LATE BUT HERE IT IS!

NO JOKER COSTUMES allowed for Halloween. This shouldn't even be a rule.

No green hair either.

Keep On Brand. No Superfamily costumes allowed.

No Green Arrow costumes.

Keep the candy away from Dick at all times.

Jason must be supervised at all times during trick or treat-ing.

Damian must go trick or treating.

No Halloween parties in the batcave.

Do not ask for pictures with citizens dressed as your respective vigilante personas.

Do not bring said citizens to the batmobile or batcave either.

Giving out vodka shots to the adults during trick and treat is not permitted.

As stated above it is Halloween season. No Christmas songs or decoration allowed until after December first.

Do not start a Batfamily costume competition.

Do not sign up to Batfamily costume competitions either.

Do not let Jason fight fake Red Hoods for whose costume is better.

Same rule applies to Tim Drake.

Jason is not allowed to interact with trick or treat kids.

Pumpkin crafting decorations must be kept at PG-13 rating.

No pumpkin on the carpets.

Keep the candy away from Stephanie at all times.

Disco Nightwing costume is forbidden.

No Halloween movies in the batcomputer.

Pumpkin spice lattes limited to two per week.

#Late #Halloween #Batfamily #Rules #Gotham #Only in gotham #gothamit #Gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

#damian wayne #tim drake #jason todd #only in gotham #gothamnit #gothamit #tweetlikeabatbrat #batfamily

[waynefamilyreactions]

Forgotten (or blatantly ignored) list of Wayne Family Rules for proper handling of social media - By Lucius Fox.

Make sure you're wearing clothes in your profile pictures.

Refrain from posting anything at all if you are sleep deprived.

Refrain from posting anything at all if you are drunk.

Ideally, just refrain from posting anything at all.

Make sure you're not posting anything related to vigilantism from your personal account and viceversa.

No inappropriate pictures of other family members.

No inappropriate pictures of other superheroes.

Asking for embarrassing pictures of other family members or fellow superheroes from citizens is not allowed.

No jokes about death.

No tweets about death threats directed to other family members.

No cussing.

Remember, once posted, always posted.

No obvious mockery towards Lex Luthor or other controversial people.

Twitter is not meant for therapy.

Limit the instagram posts of purple-food to less than ten a day.

Limit the instagram posts of cats to less than ten a day.

Limit the instagram posts of coffee mugs to less than ten a day.

No hacking of the accounts of controversial people just for fun

Think twice –no, three times– before posting.

Family issues should stay private.

No more Be Reals from the ER. Family services start to get suspicious.

No more Be Reals from the GPD.

No more Be Reals. Period.

Refrain from mocking Metropolis citizens' intelligence or observational skills.

Further points to be included.

#batman #batfamily #only in gotham #gothamit #gothamnit

[waynefamilyreactions]

#only in gotham #batfamily #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #jason todd #superman #gothamit #gothamnit