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twigg96 · 9 months

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Hello my sweet lovelies. I’ve been trying to write some more Daryl X Y/N and thought what better way to get started than doing the Fluffy and Naughty Alphabet HCs! 😊 so please enjoy the start to my little 52 HC journey!

Daryl Dixon’s Fluffy Hc Alphabet:

A - Attractive (what about their partner do they like most?)

Daryl loves a partner that cares a lot about other people. Those who put themselves before the betterment of the group are not people who Daryl can ever get along with. He finds kindness, compassion, honesty, and openness attractive in particular.

B - Banter (How do they tease each other? Is it always friendly/ flirtatious or does it turn nasty?)

Daryl doesn’t conventionally tease his partner. But in an unconventional world he thinks their version of teasing fits right in. Instead of the jovial picking other couples do, Daryl will often come over and say nothing but simply take a bite out of his partner’s food, smiling devilishly as he continues on his duties. While walking on patrol together, Daryl and his partner will go from walking hand in hand to playfully bumping each other to shoving each other off the path and into the plant life that lives along the side of the road. Neither partner can always read the other’s emotions so if Daryl is in a dark head space he will lash out if his partner tries to tease him. The same however can be said too for his partner.

C - Cute (Cuddles, Handholding, Sweet Touches, Caresses, Sneaky Moves)

Mr. Dixon is not into PDA. He doesn’t like people having the upper hand on him with information that could be used against him. Plus he’s really really busy a lot of the time. It’s not until the pair are alone either in the darkness of the night or shrouded in the forest that he allows himself to become more vulnerable. Taking his partner’s hand when there are no Walkers about he rubs his thumb over the back of their hand as he whispers plans about the day to come.

In the dead of night he’ll pull his lover close letting them cuddle close to his chest. He’d run his fingers through their hair. It would be a peaceful silence with a few shared kisses simply listening to their shared breaths and heartbeats. As sleep over takes them both and the last thing either of them hear is “I love you” from either partner.

But Daryl isn’t all innocent and shy all the time. Sometimes when things are good he’ll come around and smirk at his partner as they work. Walking up as they bed over he pinches their ass and covers their mouth telling them to meet him in the house in ten minutes.

D - Dates (What kind of dates do they like to take their partners on Are they creative with their date ideas?)

In the post apocalypse there isn’t really time for what we would consider real dates. There is no movie theater. No restaurants. No Pools. No beach. No hotels. Daryl couldn’t do the things he really desperately craved to do with his partner and it killed him. This topic has sparked more fights in your relationship than either of you would ever care to admit. Daryl wanted to provide for you and take you out on real dates. You however saw the sweet scenic bike rides you both took as date enough. His partner saw scouting ahead on a peaceful day as a date. Or even just doing nothing within the walls talking about everything. Eventually you both agree to disagree.

E - Eat (Do they have similar tastes in food or do they share food at the dinner table? I. E. Swapping the tomatoes on the burger for the pickles on their partner's chicken sandwich)

There is no room to be picky after the turn. With good food so scarce if someone didn’t like dinner that night they just didn’t eat. But Daryl hated it when his partner didn’t eat. So he went out of his way to find food they liked when dinner was something he knew they wouldn’t like. He’d offer them the stuff they like off his plate and took the food they didn’t like. No problems or fuss. He loved you.

F - Fire (What drives them the most in the relationship?)

Seeing you survive. Daryl couldn’t live with himself if he ever lost you. And he knew that it was unrealistic to try and expect that his partner would live well past when he would live. That he would die long before his partner and be waiting wherever it was on the other side for them. But it made him so sick thinking about the opposite so he simply did his best to keep you safe.

G - Generosity (How do they show their partner they care?)

Daryl was extremely caring in his love. He may not always show it or even say it but he is always thinking about his partner’s wellbeing. He looks for safer paths to take when they scout together, ones they can’t be ambushed on or that are easier to walk on. He always checks you over for cuts and bruises when he sees you before hugging you too tight or kissing you. He is on high alert outside of the camp at all times ready to protect. He gives his food to you when you need it.

H - Hot Head (Are they quick to anger? Are they spiteful in a fight? Will they say things they don't mean just to piss their partner off? Or are they easy going?)

Oh sweet lord. Yes. This man is a hot head. He is like a volcano. Full of anger and negative emotions that when placed under pressure will make him explode and cover other in the anger and negativity. But understand that this is a product of a horrifically broken home. He tries like hell to keep from erupting all over you. But sometimes it just happens and he never means for it to get as out of hand as it gets.

Daryl gets mean when he’s pissed. He gets nasty and spiteful. He will pull up shit from past fights just to fuel the fire of the argument and keep it going until he feels like you’re just as pissed off at him as he is at himself.

Whatever you do… do not give this man alcohol and expect him to be ok. He is an angry drunk and has no self control. He will get into an argument sometime into the night and it will be more than either of you can handle.

I - Interest (What are some of the interests they may share?)

Before the turn you both enjoyed bike rides and the occasional night out.

But now that the turn happened, you both like the time you spend together hunting and scouting. You both love providing for your camp. And you both still love riding.

J- Jealousy (Are they the Jealous type? How would they act if they were?)

Sweet God yes he’s very jealous! He trusts Rick more than anyone in the group but he looses his mind when you walk into Rick’s house alone to babysit Judith alone to just let the ex-cop sleep. One time when you all first moved to Alexandria a guy outside the walls approached you, Daryl, and Aaron asking if you wanted to go with two real men for a night of “fun”, Daryl beat him into a bloody pulp for thinking about it.

K- Kids (Do they want kids?)

Yes. If the world had never changed. If the dead never walked. He would give you all the children in the world, even though the thought of being a dad scared him more than anything. But now. He worried about the life his children would live. He worried for their safety. He wanted them so much but to put them through hell just because of his selfishness… he didn’t know if it was right.

L - Likes (Favorite things about relationship and partner)

Daryl loved waking up next to his partner each morning. He loved looking into his partner’s eyes and knowing that silent communication was all they needed. He loved the feel of their hand on his telling him it was ok. He loved knowing that without gaining to look you always had his back and he had yours. He loved feeling safe and secure for the first time in his life and he hoped with all he had he gave them the same feeling.

M- Marriage (Are they interested in getting married at all?)

At one point before the turn he actually bought a ring for his partner. He wanted to marry them and do the whole family thing. But once the turn happened that all got shoved onto the back burner. And while you and Daryl never really “got married” you both consider yourselves one step above boyfriend and girlfriend in this new life. Whatever that means to you both and no one opposed it.

N- No (Pet Peeves in a relationship)

Daryl refuses to tolerate a partner who intentionally hurts someone he loves. Betrayal is something he’d been through a lot in his life and he can’t imagine if his partner ever betrayed him.

Letting Daryl protect you is crucial. He can’t stand to loose you and if your constantly throwing yourself into harms way even when he advised you not to it will spark arguments

He must truly and fully trust his partner in their entirety. He wants full honesty from them. If they lie once he considers it a complete breach of trust and it will take a long time to heal that.

O - Orange (What color reminds them of their partner?)

Blue - he sees his partner as the color blue. They are truthful, merciful, loving, tranquil. They remind him of the sky on a clear day. They are calming and serine and they always manage to make him smile even when he wants to scream. He thought of you in his darkest times and felt the most free from all his problems.

P - Proposal (How would they or how did they propose?)

If Daryl would have gotten the chance he would have gotten down on one knee in your favorite spot after a long bike ride feeling you pressed up against his back.

But now it was in the Prison that you two talking jokingly about marriage. What it must have been like to do such a thing and have children. Daryl pulls an old ring on a chain out from behind his shirt. It’s aged. A little tarnished. He tells you about his failed plan. Smiling he tells you that he kept the ring as a piece of you to hold close you his heart.

Q - Queen (King) (What traits makes them a KING or a QUEEN?)

He is the ultimate King! Daryl goes out of his way to make sure that his partner is well taken care of and happy.

God forbid the day that the two of you are ever separated either by accident like at the Prison or by force. He will put his body through the ultimate test and hell in order to get back to you. Everything that stands in his way are simply obstacles to overcome. Day and night he will search until he finds you and if someone has you... god rest their soul.

He is always willing to share. Food, heat, shelter, water, medicine... whatever you need in order to survive.

Daryl can communicate with his partner with just a look. He loves them whole heartedly. He can just feel when something is wrong. It's like a sixth sense. No words are ever needed to be said. However he is always willing to listen if you need to talk.

Family is direly important to him. If you ever were to start one with him he would become all the more protective.

R - Rain (What was the most romantic gesture they have ever done for their partner?)

He made you a necklace...

The day that a good friend of yours turned...you were heartbroken and distraught. You refused to leave your cot in the prison for a full day. You had seen it before. You had even seen other friends turn and it affected you but never like this. Daryl hated seeing you like this. So taking a walk and giving you space he started looking. Looking for things that reminded him of you... Of brighter days. It was then he realized... that was exactly what you needed.

And so he started to look for things to brighten you. To make you smile. Things that reminded you of your lost friend based entirely off of stories you told of them. He found a shiny stone deep in a river bed recounting the tale you told him of the day you and your friend went tadpole hunting when you were young, splashing each other with the mud. A blueish black feather laid perfectly on a rock and reminded him of the myths his mother used to say about the crows and ravens bringing peace to those who grieve. A discarded bear tooth reminded him of the first time you had introduced him to your friend, the three of you hunting into the evening only to find a hare and two squirls.

Tying his treasures onto a long piece of twine he fashioned a necklace and brought it home to you placing it around your neck and telling you it would all be alright.

S- Smooches (Who gave the first kiss? When do they kiss their partner? How often do they kiss their partner?)

Having met Daryl before the turn, you both had more than your fair share of kisses. But your first one... well Daryl claims it was an accident. A heat of the moment reaction of passion.

Merle had been hounding you all day. He had known you were dating Daryl but to him it was just a word until he saw the proof. You were outside with Daryl at the time. Watching him work on Merle's POS truck when Merle came home from work on his bike. The older Dixon immediately swooped in and tried to get fresh. Playing grab ass and trying to get you to go inside with him. Daryl flipped his shit. Throwing the tools to the ground Daryl flew into a rage, pushing Merle away from you and into the house. He was still pacing for 20 minutes before you were able to get him to look at you. Before you could say anything he grabbed you by the hips and pulled you close, gripping your hair and kissing you deeply, muttering that you were his and his alone and if any man touched you like that again he'd cut their hand off. Needless to say he didn't get done with Merle's truck...

Now that the world is upside down Daryl tries to be more purposeful with his kisses, he wants them to mean something if they're the last they are ever to share as a couple. It was hard for his partner to understand at first... but he explained that he would hate it if he kissed his partner simply to end a fight no other meaning behind it and something happened. He wanted passion and romance behind his every action while they had the time.

T - Travel (Do they like to travel with their partner? Where do they dream of traveling to?)

God... does Daryl want to travel with his partner. He often dreams of the days before the turn. Dreams of taking you to far away places. Safe places. But the world is no longer that place... and so he tries to stay realistic in his waking life. Safety means stability. If he can have a stable life with you then he can start a family... He simply wants a safe stable place to settle... but he knows that may not always be possible. And so he roams looking for the perfect place for you both to live out your days.

U- Universal (How Public are they with their affection? Are they very open with PDA? Do they brag about their partner?)

Daryl is incredibly reserved. He always has been. He doesn't like the attention that PDA brings. He would much rather recede to the privacy of the forest or a darkened room/hallway than to make his move in front of the others. If Daryl was ever to talk about his personal life it would be to Carol (for advice and advice only about his partner's wellbeing) or Rick (To ask for dating advice/ and maybe to brag)

V- Valentines (First holiday together. How did they prepare? How did they celebrate?)

While holidays no longer exist and have no meaning after the turn, he often thinks to the only holiday he ever got to spend with his partner, properly.

It was Christmas. A holiday he and Merle had long since forgotten. One they had abandoned long before either of them were out of primary school but still knowledgeable enough to decipher that Santa Claus was a classist jackass. You had insisted they each give it a shot. For you. No religion involved just free shit. Daryl was hesitant. He didn't want to be disappointed again. Merle however was defensive. He wanted nothing to do with the holiday and often ridiculed the entire idea of it in it's entirety. But... the two relented after hearing that you would be cooking for them all weekend long. Merle complained and bitched the entire time you decked the halls of their trailer. "This sparkle shit better come out of my God damned carpets! I don't need ta find it in June!" You couldn't find a tree at a price any of you could afford but Daryl cut the biggest limb off a nearby pine and hoped it would be good enough. You were able to make stocking for each of the boys and on christmas eve you stuffed them with gifts and laid their presents under the makeshift tree. In the morning... they both stared at you nervous and akward. Like they both wanted to move and tear into shit but were scared they'd get in trouble. So you sat them down and handed them gifts. It wasn't much. You were working with a waiter's salary... but it was more meaningful to either of them than you ever knew. When Merle growled, embarrassed he didn't get you anything you simply said that spending the day with them meant more to you than any gift and you thought... for a second, that you watched both men's hearts grow three sizes that night.

W- Wicked (What do they do that purposely pushes their partner's buttons?)

Daryl will pull shit up from the past and use it against his partner to start a fight. He does this the most when he's feeling shitty about himself or a situation he's in and can't fix. He wants his partner to be just as upset and angry at him as he is with himself.

He has a really... really bad drinking problem. He is a mean drunk. If he wants he will find alcohol and drink in front of his partner knowing they hate it when he acts vindictive and hateful.

He gives the best silent treatment in the entire apocalypse. He could exist completely silent for literal weeks. (please do not mistake his need for space with the silent treatment. He gets over stimulated a lot and needs space)

Straight up disappears for days without ever telling his partner where he's going or when he'll be back. This gets worse after the Sanctuary.

Calls them pet names they despise (this is normally in retaliation to pet names they give him)

X- Xylophone (What song fits the relationship?)

Y- Yearning (When do they miss their partner the most? What do they do to placate themselves in the mean time?)

Daryl misses his partner so much when he's out on a run that lasts longer than a day. He worries about them constantly. If he can't bring them then he tries to bring a part of them, something to remind him of them. A trinket he can worry until he can get home. But if he can't or it's an emergency and he didn't have time. He always has a matching tattoo on his arm that you both got on your one year to remind him to come home to you...

Z- Zipper (Do they let their partner pick their outfits?)

If you find clothes that fit him out on runs he'll look at them and choose to wear them or not. Sometimes you bring home baby clothes to pick on him when he's being a big baby bitch. Other times you bring him clothes you know he's never going to wear just to fuck with him. He never says it out loud but he thinks this is funny.

#fluffy headcanons #fluffy headcannon alphabet #twd #the walking dead #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixion x reader #daryl x reader #twd daryl #daryl twd #daryl x you #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x y/n #daryl hc #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon x you #daryl dixon fluff #spotify

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my-sun-m00n-and-stars · 7 months

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Cad Bane NSFW Alphabet

In honor of my first kinktober, I'll post something I wrote up a few days ago.

Check out my Bane slowburn on AO3, linked on my pinned post.

F!Reader

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): Bane has never been an emotional, touchy-feely kind of guy. If you're a one night stand, he won't even sleep in the same room as you. He's got places to be, and sleeping next to a stranger is a prime way to get himself killed (he's not a very trusting guy). That being said, if you're a regular partner and have built up some trust, he'll help clean up the mess he made of you and share your bed. If he's in a committed relationship, he may permit cuddling on occasion (he's stealing your mammalian warmth).

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): A common answer people give to this one is his hands; his trigger fingers made his career. While I agree with this, I'd like to add up for consideration his fangs. I have noticed he likes to bare his teeth, and always has a toothpick in hand. This, combined with the fact that Duros don't typically have fangs, leads me to believe that he may like them for intimidation purposes, and also because they make him unique.

On a partner---tits. Simple as that. They're exotic, they're soft, and they're inviting. A novelty to a reptile.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): I have a headcanon that has to do with "scent-marking". Essentially, Duros males have strong pheromones in their cum that lingers on their partners, marking them with their scent to ward off other potential males. If Bane is in a committed relationship with you, he may want to "mark" you as his, whether it's cumming on your stomach, your ass, your face...whatever it takes to make the message clear to other males who get within smelling-distance: You're his.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): This is another common headcanon in the Bane fandom---he has a fetish for mammalian women. Humans, twi'leks, togruta, anything he can get his elongated hands on. For one, they seem to be the common standard of beauty in the galaxy. For another, as a reptile they have certain assets that intrigue him. They're warm to his cold, soft to his rough, curvy to his lanky. A good heat source for a cold-blooded man.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): Oh please. The real question is, which body count is higher? The amount of people he's slept with, or the amount of people he's killed? To elaborate more, I imagine that if he can't find a girl at the cantina to rent a room with, he's finding a hooker to pay. Either way, when he wants it, he gets it.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): Definitely doggy. It's easy, he's in control, and he can go as fast as he wants. Not to mention he gets a good view of your fine ass. It's also less intimate in a sense--he's not face to face. Less "love-making" banthashit, more fucking.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): In 99% of cases, he's serious. When he's horny, he's a predator on the hunt. It's almost like a bounty for him. That being said, if you two were in a committed relationship and were very comfortable with each other, I could see him loosening up a bit and having some fun, especially if alcohol is involved. He's not going to turn into a comedian, but he'll relax. But that would be very rare indeed.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): Obviously Bane has no hair, so I'll talk about hygiene instead. He strikes me as a bare-minimum kind of guy. He's got a bar of soap, toothbrush, and toothpaste tube in his knapsack, and that's it. That 18-in-1 soap was made for this man. However, he is clean and keeps himself presentable, including in his nether regions.

On his partner he doesn't much care for body hair either way. It's a bit of a novelty if it is there, but he appreciates the smoothness when it isn't. One thing he can't stand? Prickly. It irritates his skin. You either have to shave it all off or leave it fluffy.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): As I mentioned earlier, this man is not holding your hand and looking deeply into your eyes. He's there to fuck. Now if you're his girl, he'll treat you with a bit more deference. He'll make sure you're taken care of and that he's not too rough with you. But if you want anything slow or gentle, you're out of luck. You'd have to catch him in an extremely rare mood to be willing to try that kind of sex. It's vulnerable, and if there's one thing he hates, it's vulnerability.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily?): This man is Possessive with a capital 'P'. He's a control freak. Whether you find that toxic, hot, or both is up to you, but I believe it to be most realistic to how he is portrayed in canon. Even if he trusts you not to betray him, he doesn't trust other men. Especially in the circles he operates in. If you're out in public together in a seedy part of town, he's keeping an eye on you at all times. He may not like you wearing certain outfits if you look too good. He may 'teach you a few lessons' back in the bedroom if you piss him off too much by talking to other guys.

I see this as being his biggest red flag as a partner. But hey, if you've got rose-colored glasses...

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): Bane likes the chase--the hunt, so to speak. If he's in the right mood, and you're playing hard to get, he will eat that shit up. It's in his nature as a bounty hunter. He would never force himself on you--that would defeat the purpose. No, he has to win you over mentally and physically. It's much more satisfying to him. Play coy and watch how determined he can be.

*disclaimer* If it's obvious you're not into him, he won't waste his time.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): I'm going to disagree on other common headcanons with this one. I don't think he would enjoy doing the do in an alleyway or unsecure location as much as a room. He's a paranoid guy and would always have to watch his back, and he can't fully engross himself in his partner. But if you're indoors in a bedroom, it's easier for him to get into it. I also think he would get a kick out of doing it in the cockpit of his ship.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): As I said before, this man is a control freak. Any situation where he feels powerless makes him deeply uncomfortable. As such, subbing would not be on the table for him. He'll let you ride, but don't think for a second he's not the dominant one in the situation.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): If you play into the predator/prey dynamic, he will be on board. If you challenge his authority in any way, boner. Even if he just sees you being a badass, like shooting someone or punching someone, it will turn him on. Basically anything that makes him imagine what it would be like to butt heads with you and see who comes out on top (it's usually him).

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): In general he prefers to receive. Selfish man, selfish lover. However if he's really into you, he will eat you like a feast. Something about humans just tastes so sweet.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.): Fast and rough. No other explanation needed. These words pretty accurately sum him up.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): He loves a good quickie. Get in, get out, on to the next mission. That's how most of his encounters tend to go. But when he has the time, nothing can compare with a nice, long session on a bed.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He usually only experiments if it's his idea. He doesn't like unknown variables that are out of his control. But if he is not completely against the suggestion he hears, he may decide to give it a try.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): This man has a lot of experience. As a result, he has had practice with edging and building up his stamina. He can go for a long, long time. Depending on where in the star wars timeline you're looking at him, how many rounds he can go may be variable. In his younger years in the prequels? Several rounds. TBOBF? Maybe 2. Man is in his seventies. Give him a break.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): Bane wants to feel you in his hands and use his hands on you. Toys are too detached for him, and frankly threaten his ego. Although, the idea of tying you down and using a vibrator on you until you scream from overstimulation is something he has thought about on more than one occasion. But he'd rather bring you to that point himself through hard work rather than rely on a tool.

He has no qualms about bondage. He can and will use his cuffs on you, and he will tie your legs down too if you squirm too much.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): This man lives to tease you. He's a smug son-of-a-bitch and will degrade you. He'll mock you, toy with you, and make you beg.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): He's not loud, but he does make animalistic noises. Grunts and growls mostly, as well as the occasional dirty talk.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): Maybe once, if he really loves you deep down, he'll let you take charge for a night. Maybe once he'll let you show him how to be slow and gentle, how to make love. Maybe he'll claim he didn't care for it afterwards, but maybe, in the moment, his body was on fire.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): You know what they say about skinny guys, amirite? Big. His cock was designed for a duros female, not a human. it's very nearly incompatible anatomy, but you make it fit. It's ridged, with the tip being pointier than a human's.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): High. When he's on a job, he's locked in and won't be distracted with such things. But off the job? He's always DTF. If you live and travel with him, you're fucking at least three times per week, at the bare minimum.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): I headcanon that duros don't need as much sleep as humans do. He's last to fall asleep and first to wake. Depending on how much he likes you, he may or may not stick around until you wake up.

#cad bane #cad bane x reader #duros #star wars #bounty hunters

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pinktoonie · 1 year

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Haven't seen anyone talk about this so I will because to me it seems like the biggest obstacle in Rei and Kazuki's relationship and an important through line in the show.

Here comes a long, unpolished post.

As far as Miri goes, the family unit has been established and the two dads are settling in and relaxing into their roles almost a year into having Miri. Ep 7, 8, and 9 established that Kazuki, Rei, and Miri in that order respectively are in this family thing for life 100%.

But we still have 4 episodes left.

Obviously angst is coming, but along with that, Kazuki and Rei still need to address this barrier between them.

Listen to me. These lines from episode 3 have been nagging me since they were first said. They're IMPORTANT.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

The context here is Rei and Kazuki talking about their pasts. Whenever Kazuki brings up a tidbit about his past, Rei will agree if it also applies to him, but he will not elaborate, and Kazuki won't ask him to. Kazuki knows the gist about Rei's family. Who they are and what they do. He doesn't know how badly Rei was/is treated. He can see the scars. I doubt he's ever brought them up though.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

It's a constant in their relationship. But this lack of communication is problematic for two people who have decided to spend their lives together and raise a child.

Here's another example from episode 8

Rei here is bleeding from his forearm. The show even has him pose in a way to show us that it's clearly within Kazuki's line of sight.

But Kazuki doesn't ask. Because Rei wouldn't tell.

However concerned he may be, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't know where Rei was that night or why he's injured. He can assume it had something to do with his family, which should be worrying in itself. Kazuki is endlessly patient and understanding, but that's not fair to him.

The show even makes it a point to bring this issue up again in the same episode:

So where do we go from here?

There will need to be a moment in the show, where Kazuki WILL ask, and Rei WILL tell.

Or Rei will just open up on his own without prompting. What Rei will tell Kazuki, we don't know, but it'll be something that matters. Something important.

What could it be?

My predictions:

Rei opens up about his past abuse in detail to Kazuki to fully make him understand what his father is capable of (because of the upcoming danger)

Kazuki gives Rei some sort of ultimatum, which results in Rei admitting something, whether that's "I love you", "I need you", or some sort of confirmation that he has no intention of leaving Kazuki's side, not just Miri.

They just have a moment where they open up to each other just because they're simply changing and comfortable enough to talk about the past now. "You didnt matter much to me" is the closest we've gotten.

A "what are we?" convo.

Regardless of the reason, narratively it will have to happen before Rei and Kazuki can move forward with their relationship, whatever that entails. But this lack of communication and vulnerability with each other is what's holding them back.

Lastly, this may be completely unrelated because the show is set in Japan but still caught my eye.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

Sounds a hell of a lot like the old, "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the USA, which basically stated that non heterosexual members of the military must keep their damn mouth shut about their sexuality. No openly queer people.

Which if we apply it to Rei and Kazuki's unclear partnership... Fitting.

And also considering Rei's homophobic ass speech about carrying on the family and Kazuki sullying Rei's blood (which literally implies he thinks they're sleeping together because the only way to "sully blood" is through sexually transmitted infections), seems like the organization might've also had a sort of, don't ask don't tell policy.

I'm sure I've missed stuff, but these are the points that have been stuck in my brain. All in all, whatever this important thing that Rei will tell Kazuki is, it'll be the catalyst for taking their relationship to the next level of "partnership."

#buddy daddies #suwa rei #rei suwa #Kazurei #unasaka miri #Also please let them show some sort of physical affection toward each other after #Is a hug not reasonable and appeasing to everyone?#Doubt it'll get romantic since the title is called BUDDY and this is Japan and it's not a BL #I can dream though #Clown

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i-might-write · 1 year

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Kuchiki Byakuya: falling in love //part 2

Fandom: Bleach

Byakuya knew that due to his position in the clan, whoever he suddenly decided to spend time with would be closely monitored by the clan elders. They were a necessary structure within the clan, but one that required a reminder every now and then that they weren't omnipotent.

One such reminder came when Byakuya finally decided to inform them about stepping into a relationship with you.

They weren't the first to learn about this, they weren't even asked beforehand for their opinion and a formal blessing. The bubble of their ego burst in the most spectacular way. Looking at their faces in that moment, Byakuya felt incredible satisfaction - and wondered whether the ones turning the brightest purple would actually step down or drop dead.

They didn't, but their fury was immeasurable.

Byakuya has never enjoyed working alongside the elders, and preferred to have as little to do with them as possible. It had worked out decently well before, majorly because as a clan head and a squad captain the amount of power he had had been enough to get his way with the most important decisions.

You didn't have that kind of protection.

That's why Byakuya made sure you understood that a relationship with him would mean having to step onto the clan ground and sometimes deal with people unhappy that a person from the World of the Living of no position would become Byakuya's significant other.

It was important for Byakuya to make you understand all the consequences. By then, he had been in love with you for a while, and wanted you to make an informed decision. Even if it meant a possibility of your refusal.

Byakuya had spent the few days before that constantly worrying what your answer would be. He'd accept it anyway. He was not the person who'd force you into a relationship with him just to fulfill his own dream, but make you suffer in the process. Still, he worried.

An enormous weight was lifted off his shoulders when you agreed to a relationship with him. It was an almost visible thing and he couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief.

Now he only had to inform the elders.

He froze when one day, soon after that, you asked whether he wanted to make the elders froth at the mouth. Given how much he had to argue with them to accept and not attack you on the clan ground, your question had caught Byakuya's attention. A vengeful, smug part of him that was almost forgotten since he grew up, now stirred.

Byakuya almost had a heart attack himself when you proposed to move your sleeping arrangements to his personal chambers.

It was not what he expected. Or was mentally prepared for.

But it certainly had the right kind of effect.

He agreed when you explained that you mostly just wanted to be close to him and wouldn't force him into anything he wouldn't be comfortable with. Making the clan elders furious was a bonus point.

And that's how Byakuya ended up unable to sleep even deep into the night, laying on his bedsheets next to you.

You were true to your words, and the two of you spent a nice evening drinking tea and talking before exhaustion weighed down on you. You slept peacefully, tucked in tight in your own futon, and just like you promised, you didn't disturb Byakuya's peace at all.

Or at least that was the idea.

Byakuya couldn't help but stare at your peaceful face, barely visible from beneath the covers. Your hair surrounded it like a messy, unruly halo and every once in a while you muttered something quietly. He has never been happier.

He had barely slept that night, busy contemplating the way shadows brushed over your cheek as the clouds passed over the moon at the other side of the window. His heart was beating hard enough he worried he'd wake you up.

He'd insist that you kept your sleeping arrangements with him, even after your revenge reached the elders.

#byakuya kuchiki x reader #byakuya x reader #byakuya x you #kuchiki byakuya x reader #kuchiki byakuya x you #kuchiki byakuya imagine #bleach byakuya x reader #kuchiki byakuya #byakuya kuchikk #bleach #bleach byakuya #bleach imagine #bleach headcanons #byakuya kuchiki imagine

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twisted-whispers · 2 years

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Yandere!Idia Shroud Thought Dump #2

Part 1

Welcome back guys, gals and non-binary pals - today we continue this whirlwind of a yandere post that continues to plague me like a god projecting angry but beautiful fever-dreams onto their prophet.

While part 1 was semi-sorted to be kind of a story, these are random. If you want one expanded on just send an ask in with the short you want and I'll see how favorable I am with the inspiration gods.

(pic credit: click here)

Yandere!Idia finishing raid and immediately logging off, the bed dipping with his weight as he seamlessly slotted himself ontop of you, his head on your chest within seconds as he bemoans with relief how good it is to touch you again.

Yandere!Idia only letting you shower in his room, he doesn't trust people and he's just looking out for you - besides Ortho can clean your clothes before you're done!

Yandere!Idia being a degenerate and stealing your used undies to keep in his secret merch drawer, pulling them out as a stress relief when you're not around.

Yandere!Idia gifting you a tablet with his payment info on it so you can buy whatever you want whenever you want and he can see everything you do in real time. It's just so he can know you better, he just wants to take care of you! It's not like you have anyone in this world...

He will without a doubt withhold privileges if "he feels you're not putting enough effort into our relationship", he thinks you're a brat or you're not obsessing over him like he is with you.

Yandere!Idia secretly stalking you and using the shock function on the chip he implanted in you by so that you stop talking to other people. If anyone gets too close to you he activates it, the thrill of watching you grimace at the Vil, let alone watching the Queen of Pomefiore's expression falter was priceless. He doesn't mind you going outside and getting fresh air, but he doesn't want you getting dirty.

Nevermind the logical issue with shocking your soulmate, let alone policing their behavior - he starts tearing up when you're raising your voice and pleads between sobs for you to forgive him. You're his first everything and he's just so inexperienced, can you please have mercy?

While he hates you initiating public displays of affection - it throws him off his game, his mask slips and then everyone sees his hair flicker pink - he has no issue coming up behind you and slouching ontop of you when some normie is encroaching though. Think of him as your protection spell.

Yandere!Idia sputtering excuses as to why he can't take the (shock)collar off - Crewel and Rosehearts do it to students at NRC when they misbehave all the time, so why can't he do it to you when you're being a brat and not listening to him?

Yandere!Idia tracking down anything that relates to you returning home and stashing it deep within STYX archives. Even if you do find out what he's done what're you going to be able to do about it besides trust he'll help you? He'll just lead you right into your new home, gg.

Yandere!Idia making you sick on purpose so he can control your life. He really loves you so why don't you just let him prove himself by taking care of you? He's going to max his persuasive stat so you have to agree.

Yandere!Idia having an unusually passionate enthusiasm about handcuffs and bindings, taking more time than you think necessary to inspect how they look confining you. He really loves anything around your wrists and ankles, buying you an assortment of bracelets and necklaces in a minimalistic black, white, or silver.

He doesn't mind donning them for you, as it gives you a confidence he wouldn't see otherwise and he is going to tear down those defensive walls as soon as he learns your mechanics. You are his legendary, best in slot prize.

Yandere!Idia peacefully watching you when you sleep - glowing, calculating eyes flickering across and memorizing every detail of you before his day begins. He's almost finished with the 3D model he's been rendering but it's nothing compared to the real you.

Yandere!Idia being in a terrible headspace only for his anger to evaporate entirely when you hug him, your form fitting flawlessly against his in a way that has him breathless and hoping for once in his life that fate is real. Yandere!Idia wrapping you in his overly large jacket not only to gain affection points and be near you, but because when he has to lock you leave you in his room his coat becomes even more of a comfort when he has to go outside.

Yandere!Idia "borrowing" your hair ties as another comfort aid, as they're multi-taskers - holding hair, binding wrists, fidgeting with or keeping your scent.

Yandere!Idia who dedicates 15 minutes a day to practicing breathing exercises - after you chided him for chewing his sleeve/nails and offered your hand for him to play with instead. Anytime, you said with a perfect smile. His panic attack ruined that flash affection event but he won't ever let another opportunity pass by again.

Yandere!Idia who crowds you in his bed at night so you have to let him touch you - cold hands finding and pulling you close, with a grip that guarantees you can't slip away.

Yandere!Idia losing a match and in his crimson anger, franticly pulling you to him, making you sit on his lap while he cools down. Nevermind the growing welt - he's upset and needs you to comfort him so actually do a good job, 'kay?

Yandere!Idia taking your first kiss together seriously, researching endlessly before ordering your favorite fruit so that he can feed you mouth-to-mouth, regardless of your opinion on the matter. You can either do this the easy way and sit on his lap, or pick the hard route and he'll pin you to the bed to force-feed you - which is it?

Yandere!Idia bursting into tears after you refuse him something, because "your affection level is so low I kind of want to delete our save file", sulking, and not explaining - only you apologizing and complying will allow you back into Idia's good graces.

Yandere!Idia patting himself on the back for being such a good partner to you - when he found you unable to sleep, overthinking the possibility of not being able to go home - he comforted you and brought you calming tea, even catching you when the drugs kicked in. It's no problem for him to lay down with you all night, you can thank him later. This even gives him time to perfect his plan.

Yandere!Idia grimacing when you first show him any sort of affection or warmth because he knows he doesn't deserve anything of the sort for what he's doing...going to do you - taking away your choice to go back to your world, caging and isolating you - but the constant attention gets him too worked up to care, he needs this...needs you to live.

Yandere!Idia literally enraging if you ever get trolled or killed in a video game - the rival player getting rekt so many times they quit the game and you never see them online ever again.

Yandere!Idia becoming passive aggressive when you call him a friend or even boyfriend and not your soulmate like you really are, like fate decided for you, for us. If you forget that he's going to cry and you're going to have to explain to innocent, pure Ortho why you hurt his big brother so much.

Yandere!Idia just being a clingy, overly needy boyfriend soulmate to the point that it's a struggle just to go to the bathroom, let alone have some quiet time by yourself.

Yandere!Idia helping you grind in his favorite game, light headed from the sheer excitement of sharing this part of him with you. His patience is infinite - we can do whatever you want, I'll escort you anywhere.

Yandere!Idia fitting Ortho with a health monitor program for himself because he doesn't want to call on the family doctor so much as to garner attention from other humans. He uses it as a trial for the one he's going to code for you once he convinces you to put on this cute collar necklace he's gifting you!

#yandere idia shroud x reader #yandere #twst yandere #twisted wonderland #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud

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accio-victuuri · 10 months

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I don’t know if this is CPN but i am interested in all the astrology stuff when it comes to zz and wyb. so I understand if some people are not into that. During the roadshow, one of the people who attended is this 陶白白Sensei blogger ( with 18 million followers ) who posts about astrology. they describe for example what a certain zodiac sign is like and so on on their blog. they were invited to the event and was even asked to speak because WYB opened about how leo(s) like being praised. This person then described what a leo is ( intense people who will do what they set their mind to and sometimes even forget to eat or sleep. they don’t care if people laugh about them ) and people noticed how yibo was nodding along.

he agrees and seems like he knows how on point the description is for him and other leo(s). the blogger seems to think so too because of what he shared on his account.

now here comes the CPN part. Back in 9/16/2021, this blogger posted a reading about leo and libra and lots of the comments are about zz and wyb.

“Today I will talk about the pair of Leo and Libra.The short time it takes for the Leo-Libra pair to fall in love, and the heat. The sweetness of love will really far exceed everyone's imagination.”

the funny thing is his response to the people’s comments:

What's going on, every time I write this series, there will be comments. Isn't this the XX and XXX? Mysterious, after all Is it xxx and xxx??? It makes me want to knock.

( knock meaning, wants to know more about this cp for themselves. XX = XZ XXX = WYB )

So here’s some excerpts from that article. Actually, this post is just an excuse to feed my leo x libra compatibility agenda too 😂😂😂

This is pretty long but i love it. Lol. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Basically, as long as you look each other in the eye, even if you have only known each other for a week, as long as the Leo takes the initiative to express good feelings, Libra will give a response, as long as there is a response to make the Leo’s confidence increase, he will work harder to create romance.

Libra likes this feeling of being surrounded by love too much, and they will not think about the past, do not think about the future, and choose to be together when the emotional atmosphere is up.

Therefore, if you can be together quickly within a month or two of being together, if you almost feel more than a few months, that is really almost meaningful, and you will quickly calm down and feel inappropriate after being together.

To put it bluntly, as long as love makes both of them unable to recover their senses, their relationship will quickly heat up and enter a long period of love.

That is, as long as one party feels that it is not what they want, the relationship will always be stuck in that place without results.

Back to what I just said, enter the long period of love.

Why is it a long love period?

The most suitable point of Libra is actually complementarity, in intimate relationships, the lion is a person with a strong desire to express, and Libra is a person with a strong ability to appease.

The lion can find its own dependence on the other party in the process of expression, and Libra can find a sense of participation in the relationship from the time it confides in the opposite direction.

These two are people who hate hypocritical socialization, and the usual group of fox friends have long had enough, but they are too bored to participate in those time-wasting activities.

Now that someone who knows that he loves himself has appeared, he is willing to go home and call the other party for 3 hours, and he is not willing to go out and waste time and energy.

This kind of love will change the lifestyle of two people, and it will really directly become the most important part of the life of two people, and even the spiritual pillar.

To put it bluntly, lions have always been such people, but many people cannot meet the lion's longing and dependence on love, resulting in the lion himself being disappointed and does not want to rely too much on feelings.

But Libra is different, Libra really likes the feeling of having a person dependent on himself, he will not be bored or slack at all. He will answer calls as late as possible, how boring things he is willing to share, and how meaningless quarrels he will answer.

In fact, it is precisely because Libra is always righteous, he will pay special attention to the words spoken by the lion, even if the lion is guilty of deliberately looking for a sense of existence, Libra will patiently play with him.

What is this called?

In Internet parlance, this makes me understand your cute love, you understand my weirdness.

Some friends may start crying when they look at it, "It was true at the beginning, but then he changed, and the relationship between the two people deteriorated, and they couldn't go back." ”

Indeed, this is also the biggest contradiction between the feelings of these two people.

The problem now is that both of them have too much hope for this relationship and too strong a vision for the future.

In fact, these two people are very contradictory, the lion is fierce, Libra is more fierce than the lion, they often get unhappy because of a sentence that does not coincide, sulking.

But the vast majority of contradictions do not break out because they are bowing their heads for love to make way for love, not for each other.

Many times, they are angry and do not say, they are afraid of affecting their feelings, and this fear must be because two people have had an earth-shattering quarrel, so that both people are afraid of this scene again.

The key to the problem is here, these two people must really quarrel for no reason, such as today I called you you perfunctory me, tomorrow I sent you a message you did not reply in time, the day after tomorrow I asked you out to eat you said you have something, the day after tomorrow I lie down very bored you go out to play.

As long as one party is out of balance, he will suddenly burst out after chewing for a few days, and then attack the other party.

The lion is a man who cannot speak, and Libra is a man who says he will fight back.

Therefore, no matter who is looking for whose trouble, it will definitely break out into a "war".

As long as one of the two people has an unbalanced mentality, this "war" will break out regularly.

It is never because of what happened, but because of grievances.Passive people are wronged, and active people are even more wronged.

Once tired of the quarrel, the two people began to recover and think about why this relationship became like this, whether the two people are compatible, and whether there is a future, and the spiritual belief brought by the relationship will also collapse.

As I said earlier, when these two people are in love, they will leave their lives behind and start a new relationship life, when they try to return to their previous life and find that it will be easier and happier.

This relationship may never go back.

Because they have given too much in their relationship, when they start to care about who is right and who is wrong, and who pays more and who pays less, they will feel that both of them are emotional "victims".

They will feel that neither of them did anything wrong, it's the fault of their relationship, they are inappropriate people and shouldn't be together...

To be honest, I can only analyze these, and I can't help anyone.

When these two people fall in love, they will protect their exclusive feelings to the utmost, and they will not listen to outsiders at all...

The biggest problem is that they imagine their relationship too beautifully, and the blow of reality will make them suspect that their relationship has deteriorated.

Normal mind is very important, don't focus on how to keep two people from quarreling, this will only make both of them feel more wronged when there is a real quarrel.

The key to success is that after the quarrel is over, whether you can make three chapters calmly, and when you find that there is a gap between two people, whether you can go out for a walk and relax, then sit down and communicate calmly, and ease the grievances in each other's hearts.

Don't think that feelings should be sacred, so avoid talking about impurities in feelings! ! !

Only by cleaning out the impurities will the relationship last and then sublimate.

Persistence and belief are very important, and maintenance and communication are more important.

MY GOD. If this piece does not describe what we have seen and speculated about ZZ and WYB then I don’t know. It’s so clear why BXGs responded to it and how “accurate” it is. 😌😌😌

CPFs are thinking about this guy who attended the show and saw WYB, did he think about that article years ago? How people reacted to the Leo x Libra pair and he got interested with ZZ and WYB?

This also reminds me of the 95% compatibility reading.

Anyway, these boys and their love is truly favored by the Universe and even if there are obstacles, I believe they will stay together <3

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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landograndprix · 4 months

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I know there have been anons that view Lando and girlie’s relationship so far as just sexual, and I will agree that their txt are normally of a spicy variety but I would like to remind those anons that Lando so far in this relationship has been all about showing up. When girlie was sick, it was Lando that dropped what he was doing to make sure that both her and Z were taken care of. If you’re just interested in sleeping with someone (especially when you’re a f1 driver who could have any girl in a Monaco club) you don’t go through that trouble. When girlie was kicked out, Lando was the one that insisted on her staying at his place. He was out of town, no chance of anything happening. He who’s a high earning young good looking bachelor was more than happy to have his living room turned into a kids playground. He even insisted on it. He’s been the 1st to make sure that girlie is okay with all the flirty/spicy txt (love a consent king) that they’ve been sending and is quick to reassure her that he’s not just with her for the sex, he’s happy to just watch her work. I don’t think people are giving him enough credit, he knows that girlie was done wrong in her past relationship. He’s not expecting her to have no baggage, he’s working within what makes her comfortable and showing that unlike Charles he’s willing to show up for her. This seems very much as an actions speak louder than words moment. Charles was good about saying the right things, and he was even around in the short term; but I think Lando is trying to show both girlie, Z and the rest of the world that he’s around for the good, the bad and the ugly. Right now it seems that girlie is skittish, trying to protect her heart after Charles broke it, maybe even in denial about already being partially in love with Lando. I know Millie made the comment about “does Lando know this isn’t a relationship?” But I’d like to counter that with does girlie know this is a relationship, and that Lando is just letting her believe otherwise. I think that when she finally goes to him, and is willing to admit how she’s feel, there’s going to be this moment of “😐babe, ik 😊” from Lando. Not in an arrogant way, but in a babe you’ve been living in denial for a little bit; but that’s fine I knew for the both of us. Can also see him having a room set up for Z at his apartment, the whole place baby proofed and ready for their visits (and their move in). Absolutely love Millie, I know she jokes about girlie being her mom, but I really think she’ll do girlie a lot of good. To have a friend that really is a ride or die, completely willing to support you, even if they don’t necessarily agree with your choices is so freeing. Bonus points if she ends up with a driver. Would love to see her with Logan. The boy has alway struck me as an introvert, and his last year on the grid I didn’t see him really interact with anyone other than Alex. I would love to get to see Lando take Oscar under his wing, and then Logan b/c of girlie. I would love to see girlie put some of those maternal instincts into Oscar and Logan. Cause can you imagine poor Logan is being pestered into a relationship with Millie and then bullied (lovingly) on international tv by girlie? Forcing him to come to McLaren family dinners. Even when he insists that’s he’s not family. Oh damn this got away from me! Sorry, just love the fic and wanted someone to geek out with. 🧡🧡🧡

🪩

Oh I love the idea of lando just going with the flow and doing things in y/n her pace because he knows life is crazy enough for her and Z already and because he just really wants to be with both of them 🥺

I love the room set up by lando on his apartment for when they come over and now I can't stop thinking about little Z meeting lando his nieces 😭

I think Logan and Millie will be a perfect match! Logan and Oscar go way back too so it's one big family in the end, just imagining them around a big table in their massive french countryside garden having a bbq on a hot summer night 😭

And God, don't apologise, I love it when you guys talk about the fic 😭

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gingerylangylang1979 · 1 year

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Carmy, Sydney, and Marcus... Because We Will Never Shut Up About It.

Deep thoughts while waiting for the feeling to come back to my mouth after a dental procedure, so forgive me if this is all over the place:

The dynamics between Carmy, Sydney, and Marcus have sparked endless posts due to key scenes in E7 and E8. Most takes seem to be polarized to either sympathize with Carmy or sympathize with Sydney and Marcus. I’m here to say a binary view is a reductive take. I’m approaching this from a perspective of social consciousness, personal experience, and objectivity needed when creating meaningful commentary on media. Hell, I’m even going to say it’s crucial to analyzing culture in general. Ignoring these factors is much of the reason people fail in relating to each other and moving forward together from a place of understanding and commonality. I’m probably going to piss some people off with my points but please at least read to the end and then be pissed off all you want.

The usual opinions regarding these three tend to fall into two camps. One, Carmy failed and is a horrible boss and his white man pain does not excuse his behavior and Sydney and Marcus are at no fault and are trying to reach excellence, within a system that is not in their favor, without proper support. Two, Sydney and Marcus are totally to blame for what happened and Carmy deserved to snap and shouldn’t have apologized or accepted them back. Both opinions are usually presented simplistically, sometimes with a few more shades of nuance, but essentially this is the essence of what I’m seeing voiced. Strictly agreeing with one or the other is not accurate.

My conclusions from take one are that Sydney and Marcus are deserving of leadership that will foster and guide their development to a higher level but Carmy in his current state is incapable of giving them what they need. That doesn’t make him a monster, it makes him human, regardless if he is a white man in pain or not. I don’t know any man or woman in his situation that wouldn’t be struggling given his lived experience. I don’t know any human who is having panic attacks at the drop of a dime, is always on the verge of tears, is still freshly grieving, dissociates, and sleep cooks who would be able to give new employees their best and maintain composure at all times. It’s just not realistic. Just because someone has authority doesn’t mean they can deliver what is needed at all times.

Sydney and Marcus are both young Black professionals striving for more in Carmy’s kitchen under his uneasy authority. He isn’t looking at them as employees to mentor, he's looking at them as talented resources to help foster stability. That’s where he is at with them professionally. That’s all he has to give. It’s a case of bad timing, not a bad person. Sydney and Marcus were not getting the leadership they desperately needed and their lived experiences aren’t recognized but despite their lived experiences they would still be in the same scenario. Anybody coming into that kitchen would not be getting Carmy’s best. That sucks but it is what it is.

Much has been said about how we shouldn’t dismiss the relationship between Carmy and Sydney as mentor and mentee because she has stellar credentials, is a superb cook, is a capable leader (in ways Carmy fails), has business experience, and has saved The Beef many times. She is invaluable. So I agree that we shouldn’t just reduce her to a mentee in Carmy’s kitchen. But she did seek to work with him for a reason. She does think she can learn from him. So while she may not be super subordinate to him she herself acknowledges that she has something to gain from him. She told this to Richie in E2. She said they could ALL learn a lot from him. She wants to get to the level of perfection she reveres him for. He made the best dish she’s ever had. She is seeking something from him she didn’t get in her previous experiences, even as her own boss. That does not diminish her, that’s saying basically what her words and actions have shown us. Carmy gave her a title but he never outlined the dynamic and was wishy-washy. One minute she is “everything else” the next he’s “Yes, Cheffing” her. She was confused on where she stood at any time. When he gave feedback or tried to get her on point he never explained how or why. When he snapped at her about Tina’s insubordination I think he was trying to get her to see it didn’t matter, he wasn’t going to micromanage personal dynamics and she needed to steer the ship and do what needed to get service back on track. Instead of that he just barked. Instead of telling her what was up with the risotto and offering to workshop it with her, he was just dismissive and offered a wet eyed apology. He failed to communicate properly when she urgently needed it.

Marcus is totally new to elevated cuisine having worked at McDonald’s and his time at The Beef under Michael. Once he sees that Carmy and Sydney are coming from a whole other world he is intrigued and wants more. Moving from bread baking to becoming a real pastry chef is his vision. Another establishment may have gotten rid of him once they outsourced bread but he was kept on and given a new trajectory. He admirably catches a spark and runs with it. He starts putting in the work to immerse himself in fine patisserie knowledge and practice. Carmy does allow Marcus space to experiment. He does give Sydney authority to lead. But what he offers them is messy, undefined, and not fully realized because he isn’t capable and he is unaware of how this is being internalized by them.

Mentally, he doesn’t have the bandwidth and he also doesn’t have a healthy model to reference. We all know it takes a lot of work for someone abused to break the cycle of abuse. All he knows is his own experience. It’s easy to say okay dude, don’t do that but it's harder to just flick a switch and be different. It’s even harder when you are in your own crisis mode and are starting from fucked. Carmy’s trauma can’t just be switched off nor can his bad habits. He tries, he fails. It’s not an excuse but it is an explanation. He is a white man in pain but he’s also human. Sydney and Marcus happen to be at the receiving end. Not fair, but also not intentional. He knows he wants to do better, better just didn’t come fast enough.

My conclusions from take two are that Sydney and Marcus did make mistakes but they are not worthy of continued blame and Carmy should learn from his loss of control. Sydney totally deserves a pass. As mentioned, she came through for the team big time on numerous occasions. When she quit that’s when Carmy went into full meltdown. Him screaming wasn’t it, to me. Him losing it when she left was the full meltdown. He knows he needs her. She’s MVP. She was overworked, underpaid, harassed by Richie, and hazed. She could have and arguably should have quit many times. She could have gotten a job elsewhere but she chose to stay committed to The Beef until she couldn’t. She reached her breaking point and was like why am I putting up with this shit? I wouldn’t have, I would have been like see ya way before she did. She helped Carmy transform that place, as noted by Tina and Marcus, yet received very little in return. Maybe she abandoned the team but how many times did Carmy leave her in the lurch? Carmy messed up by not taking the minute he always asks her for and touching base about the tension over the review and making sure they were aligned on all points before launching a new service model. They could have done the run through she seemed to be asking for but he was full steam ahead and ignoring the issue.

Marcus is a slightly different story. No, I don’t think he deserves to be berated endlessly nor is he a lost cause but he does need to realize that while maybe making cakes and being on task E7 wouldn’t have fixed the shit show his repeated lack of listening to both Carmy and Sydney about staying on task was ignored. He did get space to do his thing all he was asked was to not get sidetracked. Carmy said he trusted him but he still didn’t listen. Carmy gave him a pep talk after he still didn’t listen and blew a fuse in the middle of a day that already started fucked. He still didn’t listen. The day they were starting a new service model and Carmy warned him to stay on task he still didn’t listen. When Sydney got onto him about it he still didn’t listen. That’s a lesson any employee needs to learn. I don’t care how talented and passionate you are what work place would allow you to just not listen after multiple reminders? You simply have to follow direction. Him not processing that is a huge flaw. The thing is a good, capable leader would take the time and work with him to establish a way to prioritize and create a development plan. They would see that he is going to sink if he doesn’t get that under control. It just wasn’t the time for that in the midst of all the chaos of getting The Beef solvable and Carmy wasn’t equipped to give that or recognize it was needed. What I do fault Carmy with is not taking control and realizing they couldn’t do the impossible in E7. He should have just stopped, regrouped, canceled the orders, and done a post-mortem on what went wrong. His blowup wasn’t just about the to-go’s or the review. He was holding it together, barely, for months and this was him finally blowing a fuse.

I think when some see the scene of Sydney and Marcus talking shit about Carmy they stay stuck on neither accepting blame. I took the scene as two young Black professionals bonding and talking shit because coworkers talk shit about their boss. As far as demanding apologies from Carmy or Sydney and Marcus, fine, sure, whatever. Carmy did apologize to both of them. Maybe it wasn’t as gushing and dramatic as some think he needs to be to atone. I dunno, I think it was okay for where we are in the story. Sydney and Marcus are still a bit bitter and cautious, as one would expect after being chastised in front of peers. I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to prostrate themselves to Carmy, someone they are still giving a bit of side eye to after he did humiliate them. They don’t fully understand what’s up with Carmy. He keeps things well guarded. When he opened up about Al-Anon Sydney, rightfully so, she said it was too personal. So he takes that as let me keep my shit to myself, like I always have, we ain’t that close, sorry. By the same token, Sydney and Marcus may not be at the point of being like hey, these are my experiences being Black in the workplace, thirsty for more, and feeling marginalized so I’m sensitive to x, y, z.

Everyone is in their own story and not fully transparent because they are all navigating how to exist together joyfully and productively. Nor is anyone a mind reader. But really, at the core all three of their needs and struggles are universal. Who hasn’t felt unsupported and taken for granted? Who hasn’t had to keep adulting when their world is crumbling? I think what’s needed more is a sit down between all of them to hash it out. What we got in E8 was venting from Sydney and Marcus and guilty resignation from Carmy. Not satisfying, but realistic. They have work to do as a team. They need love and forward positive movement more than they need some perceived deserved atonement. Words are easy and cheap. Anybody can say they sorry, what they actually gonna do?

My whole point is we need to look at all of them as just people. I’m not saying be blind to identity but at the core everyone’s arc could be anyone’s arc. All of their struggles are universal. I am a Black woman and I relate to all three of them for various reasons. Like Sydney, I have been the young Black girl thrust into leadership but not supported in growth. My authority has been questioned, I’ve been bullied, I’ve been given too much on my plate because I’m “so capable and being held to a higher standard.” Like Marcus, I’ve hyper fixated on a new passion to the point of obsession and had trouble figuring out how to maintain the baseline while chasing perfection. Like Carmy, I have depression and anxiety, had an addict family member who died suddenly (my mom, I didn’t go to the funeral either and had to go back home abruptly) yet still had to be the boss of a shit show while trying to heal, deal, not overshare, share, yet ask for a minute that was never given all at the same time.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I think everyone needs to look deeper if they seek to prioritize any of these character’s needs over another and be dismissive of anyone’s struggles. I think that’s what the show is kind of about. And maybe do the same thing with people IRL. Anything else is unproductive and unkind. There is not enough mercy, grace, empathy, and understanding.

Anyways, be blessed and Happy Holidays!

Edited to add: In no way am I dismissing the conscious or unconscious bias of some viewers who fail to empathize with Sydney and Marcus. I forgot to include that earlier. My point is conscious and unconscious bias can be at play with either take on the conflicts between these three characters.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #marcus the bear #jeremy allen white #ayo edebiri #lionel boyce

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rythyme · 7 months

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I don't think they were saying Boston was lying about wanting romantic exclusivity but not physical exclusivity. The fact that Nick said "I think you should roll alone" tells me more about Nick than Boston, namely that Nick thinks you can only have a relationship if you're monogamous in every way (because that's what he wants for himself). But I'm confident Boston would be great in an open relationship and he's going to New York so who's to say he won't find that there?

Within the context of the show, i.e. from a Watsonian perspective — yeah, I 100% agree. What Nick said is more of a reflection of him. He doesn't think what Boston is asking for is possible with anyone, not just specifically with himself. That's Nick's problem, not Boston's.

But thinking about the creators of the show and how they wrote that scene (i.e. from a Doylist perspective), I don't think they were making that distinction clear enough. As presented, it seems like we're supposed to think that Nick is right when he says those things. If that's not the case, then I think it was poor execution on the creators' part. The tone of that scene was not giving me a "Nick is in the wrong" vibe.

It also just seems like a weird place to take Nick's character arc? Nick's arc has been about exploring relationships and building his self worth, so it's strange for the culmination of all that to be a scene where we're supposed to think he's coming to the wrong conclusions. A more satisfying and natural conclusion to that arc would have been "I am monogamous and you're not. I can't change you, nor should I. We should break up. I wish you the best in your next relationship."

And to make it even more confusing, the show *does* reference characters in an open relationship. Boston is trying to sleep with a couple like that in episode one! We've also seen plenty of coupled characters kissing other people, even in this very episode. And Nick kissed Atom for christ's sake. I just can't wrap my head around this narrative choice.

Overall it just feels? Really weird to me?? What was the point? Why did Nick and Boston have a "forgiving each other" arc if they were just going to be rushed into this conclusion in the second half of the finale? It doesn't make sense to me!

My best guess is that this wasn't originally the planned ending for Nick and Boston. I'm not sure why it changed — maybe there was some meddling on the production/GMMTV side, or p'Jojo decided to pivot after seeing how much fans hated Boston? Either way, it feels disjointed and poorly executed in a show that otherwise does a pretty good job of building up to import character and relationship development moments.

#i don't know. i just don't feel like it was handled in a satisfying way #gotta update my yuletide letter and beg an anonymous writer to help me fix it #ofts #ask theo #lgbt drama #thai drama #only friends the series

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 1 year

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Well. I guess today is the day I post this.

Putting this all below a cut to spare your dashes.

This statement will seem dramatic. I apologize. I don't know any other way to put this.

For a long time, I've felt unsafe in this fandom as a bisexual person.

At some point we got a new wave of people in this fandom (I can't pinpoint when since I never know anything that goes on in this godforsaken cesspit), and we started to get a growing wave of people talking about Eddie as a gay man, rather than bisexual or queer or ambiguous/unlabeled in his sexuality.

It was something I could easily ignore at first. I didn't agree with it, but I rolled my eyes and kept on keepin' on. It didn't really affect me. I had my own little corner and that was that.

But as time has gone on, it's become so popular and pervasive that every time I turn around, I'm running into it. It seems to be (but might not be, I could be wrong) the more popular interpretation of Eddie.

For example, I got an ask at the beginning of February, asking me what was wrong with gay Eddie, since it seems to be the "general consensus." Additionally, there was a podcast episode an anthropology student made where the host said that they have also seen people have generally decided Eddie is gay, not bi or queer. I'm not the only one who's noticed this and decided this is the general/most popular opinion of the fandom.

And I'm here to say that it's unbelievably hurtful.

It's not a new thing for people to dismiss Shannon. And let me tell you, it brings me no joy to defend her. I deeply, deeply dislike her and always have. But I must, because whether I like her or not doesn't matter as much as her importance to Eddie and her role in his life. Not just as Christopher's mother, but as his first love and as his wife.

However, over the past year or so there's been a serious shift within the fandom to ignore or gloss over Shannon, and to paint Eddie as a gay man who has always been gay, and never been attracted to women, and never wanted to sleep with one. Even though, canonically, he and Shannon jumped right back into bed together and wouldn't stop fucking every time they met up, despite that choice being detrimental to their relationship and preventing them from discussing important things.

Eddie was so busy fucking his wife like a rabbit in springtime that he couldn't settle down and talk with her. He fucked her repeatedly even though he didn't fully trust her with their son anymore. If that's not thinking with your dick I don't know what is.

Eddie's grief over Shannon's loss and his complicated feelings about her (his love for her vs his anger at her choices vs his own poor self-esteem) haunted him throughout season three. It's why he joined the fight club. It haunts him in season four, when he chooses to date Ana to give Chris a substitute mother even though he is not yet ready to date/move on from Shannon.

Even if I put on my Buddie shipper goggles and say, "what about Buck?" I do not think it makes any sense whatsoever for Eddie to be aware of his feelings for Buck pre-shooting. I think that is the moment he realizes what his heart wants and where he's chosen to love again. Not before.

Bobby moving on with Athena does in no way erase his love for his previous wife, and he went through a process similar to Eddie - in fact that similarity is part of why Bobby sees so much of himself in Eddie and why he tries to give Eddie advice on the subject. But I have to wonder, if Bobby had dated Michael instead of Athena, if the fandom would react the same way they do with Eddie - if they would claim Bobby was gay the whole time, and never truly felt sexual attraction for his wife.

I know Shannon is a disliked character by and large (I'm one of the people who dislikes her) and that her relationship with Eddie was complicated. Eddie wasn't always happy in his relationship with her. But neither was Athena, and yet the fact she was once attracted to and in love with Michael is never questioned.

Eddie is simply not allowed nuance in his relationship with Shannon. He is not allowed (as Bobby and Athena are) to have a complicated relationship with his spouse or to move on with another character while not denying his previous attraction to her. Eddie's relationship with Shannon is reduced to something he did because he had to, without any genuine sexual attraction, and without any sexual enjoyment. He is allowed to love her, but to never have been in love with her.

Eddie's biggest arc and piece of character development for two whole seasons (seasons two and three, arguably parts of season four) are erased.

The underlying message, whether intended or not, is that they are erased because they do not matter. And they do not matter because if they did, Eddie would be bi, or queer, or anything except 100% homosexual. And that means that the underlying message is that being gay is more important, more valid, and better than bisexuality.

I'm not saying this message is intentional. Frankly I don't think it is. I'm saying it is there.

And of course, when others have pointed out that this is hurtful and erases a big part of Eddie's history, and that therefore makes them feel ignored and erased as a bisexual person, there's been hostility. Some of it's been openly hostile and frankly feels like fighting for the sake of fighting, the kind of self-righteous love of blood in the water that has kept me a lurker in fandoms for so long.

The more insidious hurt, for me, is the people who refuse to publicly support people who call out the biphobia. They say nothing when people talk about how they're attacked for pointing out the issues with gay!Eddie, or they support both gay!Eddie and bi!Eddie sides, depending on the time of day and who's saying it. It makes me distrusting of a lot of people who try to tell me they support me. How can I believe you when you turn around and agree with the people saying Eddie's gay? Reblogging posts and championing it?

At best it feels like being accidentally hurtful while supporting/being open to multiple headcanons. At worst it feels like lying to placate me.

I don't appreciate being placated.

Fandom can give a skewed perspective on things such as representation in media. I understand that many people who identify as 6 on the Kinsey Scale have struggled deeply with repression, self-loathing, ignorance, and compulsive heterosexuality. I understand wanting that representation, especially in an older character when it feels like a lot of our media is still about queer teenagers rather than queer adults (especially queer adults over the age of thirty). And so with many slash ships having to deal with the existence of opposite-sex love interests in the characters comprising that ship, bisexuality can feel like the norm when in reality, characters who are gay (whether they always knew it or discover it later) are still much more prevalent than bisexual characters in media.

For example, in Our Flag Means Death we have Stede. In IT, Richie is inferred to be gay rather than bi (god forbid they confirm Eddie K's gayness but that's another matter...) In fact, in 9-1-1 alone, we have Michael. There's also the matter of who gets to be gay and who gets to be bi. In Glee, for example, Santana is the one who gets the nuanced coming-out story with drama and depth. Brittany, her bisexual girlfriend, doesn't get nearly as much attention or thought, and off-screen cheats on Santana in a staggering moment of biphobia (a decision the likes of which Ryan Murphy is not-so-affectionately known for).

Yet from people who headcanon Eddie as gay I repeatedly see the rallying cry of "letting us have this," as if 'this' is something they never get, or get less than bisexual people. Again, I understand the way fandom might skew things. But we cannot allow the broken goggles of fandom to, in turn, blinker our reality of the media landscape. Bisexuality is still less represented, and the wounds of "oh being with X man is nothing like all those women I was with, this is special and real" are still fresh (looking at you, Destiel shippers circa 2009-2012).

In fact as I out myself here as uh one of those veterans, I implore people to understand how this was the norm for so, so many years. Fandom has a short memory, I get it. It's hard to keep track of everything. But this embrace of bisexuality is rather recent. You look around and you see, for example, people happily joking about Dean Winchester's bisexuality. That was not always the case. For a long time, it was about perpetuating biphobia and casual misogyny as shippers wrote meta and fic about how no woman could ever make him feel like Cas does.

*pause for war flashbacks*

This was not the only instance or fandom. But I don't have time to name all the examples. My point is that there is a false collective narrative. My point is that when you are hurt, and have struggled, it can be hard to see that others have also been hurt and have also struggled. My point is that there is a continued instinct to put a certain type of character in one box and another type of character in a different box, and to try and expand the boxes, or move one character to another, is treated as a personal attack rather than an expansion of our understanding and a dismantling of our stereotypes.

Why is it always the character who has a lot of sex and/or is super comfortable on the subject of sex, or is very casual about sex, who gets to be bi/pan/fluid in sexuality? Why are bi people never allowed to be reserved, or have only one or two partners in their life?

Why is the character who is casual (or seems like they will be casual) and relaxed about sexuality the one who is labeled bisexual? Why are bisexuals never allowed to have angst around their sexuality or come out later in life? Why is our pain, our internal struggle, never allowed to be discussed?

I'm not saying Buck should be viewed as gay. I think it's correct to talk about him as bi/pan/queer. But I do think it's fair to examine why Buck's relationship with Abby is viewed in its proper important context while Eddie's relationship with Shannon is diminished and ignored.

Buck gets to talk about Abby. He gets to have genuinely been in love with her. He gets to retain that piece of his character. Eddie does not. Eddie's relationship with Shannon ended up hurting him just as much as Buck's relationship with Abby, in fact even more so, and yet people handwave that away as compulsive heterosexuality (which is not restricted to gay people, by the way, bi people experience that as well) and act like he didn't actually fall in love with her and have repeated enthusiastic sex with her.

People love to tout Ana as proof that Eddie is gay, but it doesn't matter what your sexuality is - if you aren't attracted to someone and you don't want them touching you, then you don't want them touching you. If you don't want to have sex with someone, you don't want to have sex with someone. Your sexuality doesn't matter. Just because a man is straight doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all women. Just because a man is gay doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all men. Just because a person is bi doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone on the planet. And just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they have no libido or would never have sex at all for another reason (intimacy, fun, etc.). Sexual desire and drive are a very personal things, and both romantic and sexual attraction can play various roles or no role at all depending on the individual.

Eddie’s refusal to sleep with Ana or touch her is not a sign of him being gay as opposed to bi or queer or any other sexuality. It’s not a sign of any sexuality at all. It’s a sign that he was forcing himself into that relationship. He didn't want to be with Ana. He didn't love Ana. He didn't want to have sex with Ana.

Now, do I think how he broke up with her - his words about "the idea of us" - is insanely queer? Yes. Yes I do. And yes, for the record, I think that was deliberate on the part of the writers. But that simply says to me that he's queer. Not gay, not bi, not pan, not demi, not anything other than not straight.

To take that speech and those words and to say they could only possibly apply to a fully 100% gay man as opposed to anyone under the queer umbrella is hurtful. People's experiences as gay people are valid, and often, sadly, painful and just like Eddie's. But so are people's experiences as bi people, as pan people, as unlabeled people, as 'queer as in fuck you' people.

To wit: People ignore canonical evidence about Shannon, and claim canonical evidence about Ana as their own and no one else's, in order to support their interpretation of Eddie's sexuality.

That erases the rest of us.

I know that's hard to hear. I know that sounds like it comes with judgment. You are trying to speak your own truth, and you are identifying strongly with a character that you love, and it's hard to then hear that in doing those things, you are hurting or erasing others. I've had to hear that in my time, and I'm sure I'll have to hear it again, and it's never easy. But we must sit with this discomfort as our friend, not our foe, and use it to grow.

However, since fandom is our safe space, we often view anything and everything as a personal attack, and we often make judgments and interpretations based too strongly on our own experiences. Sometimes this is a good thing - I think the number of people who say Buck reminds them of their own ADHD are correct and that it adds great depth to his character. I'm glad Oliver has embraced it. I think the people who say Eddie speaks to their own demisexuality have a great point and I think it adds nuance to his character and behavior.

(In fact I also love trans!Buck headcanons! I think they're neat and I've read some fics I enjoyed that featured that.)

On the other hand, however, it often leads to people adding interpretations onto things that do not reflect canon or the actual character. They then view others pointing out the lack of support for this in canon, or the contradiction with canon, as a personal attack (looking at you, "Chim is abusive" people, go jump in a lake). It's hard to take that breath and recognize that not everything a character is or does or experiences is the same as what you are, or do, or have experienced. Especially when it touches on something as personal and important as our sexuality.

Because of this, I debated a long time on whether I should say something. I tried to identify the difference between what hurt me because it didn't line up with my thoughts and what hurt me because of actual stereotyping. I worked to make sure that this was more than simply taking an innocuous difference of opinion and twisting it into a personal attack.

Which brings me to why I say the word 'unsafe'. That seems like an extreme word. But I've seen people say that they "got a brain" and realized Eddie was gay, not bi. I've seen people take gifsets that mention Eddie being bi and tag them 'okay but I believe in gay!Eddie' or 'I'm a gay!Eddie truther'. I've seen people go out of their way in fics to mention Eddie disliking/being grossed out by female genitalia. I've seen fanartists put Eddie in gay colors/flags as opposed to bi/demi/etc colors/flags, on art that really didn't need it to convey the story - as if one cannot make a piece of art with Eddie on it without declaring one's opinion on his sexuality.

(Yes, I think there's a strong possibility that Eddie is demisexual. I wish people would embrace that idea more. Personally, I think he wouldn't label himself at all and simply say he was queer if asked. But given the discussion we're having right now on this post about gay/bi headcanons, I think it's clear a lot of people actually aren't as ready to embrace or consider minority sexualities as they might like to think.)

I repeat: this is not just happening on a person's own art or post or fanfic. People are reblogging posts, gifsets, and so on that mention bisexual Eddie and saying, okay but I see him as gay. They are not content to live and let live. They are actively saying they disagree. If you disagree, then why reblog the thing that talks about/mentions Eddie as bi? Why not simply leave it be?

I cannot overstate how hurtful this is; how much it feels like erasure, dismissal, and condescension.

You cannot tell me if that was something you saw about your gender, or sexuality, or so on, that you wouldn't begin to feel unsafe. That you wouldn't begin to question if you would be unheard, or dismissed, or viewed as less-than. Tell me you wouldn't start to wonder, if you were a character on a TV show, if people wouldn't erase your sexual and romantic history and ignore a big piece of yourself because certain sexualities just weren't good enough for them.

You cannot tell me that in seeing these things you wouldn't walk away with the idea that bisexuality (or other sexualities in general but bisexuality is the one brought up and to which being gay is compared in regards to Eddie) is viewed as lesser to these people, and to the community at large. You cannot tell me that some people are not internalizing this narrative, no matter what their own sexuality might be.

And, yes, reading that earlier paragraph you might say, "Mads, are you vagueing?" That is not my intention. I want to head off at the pass the rebuttal that this isn't happening. I want to cut off the demand for examples. However, I'm also not going to name names, because I don't wish to cause harm to people who I think, by and large, are well-meaning.

That's what I'm hoping is true, in writing this. That most of the people reading this, and pushing the Eddie-is-gay narrative, are well-meaning. "I'm bi myself!" many of you will say.

Yes, well. I'm a woman and I was perfectly capable of a lot of misogynistic thinking growing up, and I often fell into sexist stereotypes in my headcanons and writing and so on.

But I hope, since most of you are well-meaning, this post will instead cause you to think, and examine, and ponder.

I'm sure many people reading this are rolling their eyes and thinking, "what about the first rule of fandom? Ship and let ship? Kink tomato? Etc? Let people have different headcanons." I've certainly seen such flippant remarks from people before on this very subject in this fandom.

And the thing is, I have really tried to do that. I have tried to take it that way. But I think that it's also entirely fair for me to be hurt when a person's headcanon/interpretation ignores canon and erases a big part of a character's life and history.

I know, I know, we could get into a big philosophical discussion about how slash and femslash shipping by nature does something along those lines. But I feel that in the now-common interpretation of Eddie as gay, there is a pushing of stereotypes about both gay and bisexual people. There is a splitting of hairs on queerness. There is a subtext, whether acknowledged or not by those who push this interpretation, that being gay as opposed to a more fluid sexuality is more painful, more fraught, more challenging. That bisexuality, pansexuality, queerness as an umbrella term - those are less fraught and inherently easier. It's one of the pillars upon which exclusion in the queer community is based.

It also, generally, ignores the idea that one's sexuality can change over time. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe most people with the interpretation of Eddie as gay actually view him as being gay now and that's how he identifies now without erasing his canonical (and important) sexual and romantic attraction to Shannon. But that doesn't seem to be the case, and I certainly don't want to risk myself emotionally by trying to find out.

Not to mention that hey, when people are saying something is hurtful to them, seeing people make posts hand-waving and saying "get over yourselves, relax, take a chill pill" feels beyond condescending and dismissive.

I'd like to make it clear, I'm not asking for people to never write Eddie as gay, and that we should never see Eddie as gay again in this fandom, or that anyone who writes Eddie as gay should be dogpiled. I'm not the boss of anyone, I'm not the fandom police, I don't make the rules. But I think, when a certain behavior brings people pain - and more people than just myself, as I have learned in many private conversations - there comes a time when the least one can do is speak up about it.

Sometimes someone needs to be the one to stand up and say, "this hurts me. I am in pain, and this is why."

Again, especially when people are going out of their way to say "but I disagree, he's gay" on posts, gifsets, and so on mentioning Eddie having a different sexuality. You might feel this post is unnecessary. You might feel it's preachy. You might feel I should shut up and get off my high horse.

But the fact of the matter is when you come into someone's house tracking mud and they tell you to clean it up, you don't get to yell at them and claim they are trying to stop you from playing outside.

I kept my silence on this for a long time and part of that was I didn't want to police anyone. Now, however, we are at a point where people who think Eddie is gay are invading other people's spaces. It's not just that this headcanon is everywhere. It's not just that people are using such dismissive language when the possibility of Eddie liking women comes up. It is also that people are going out of their way to dismiss Eddie's bisexuality and argue that their interpretation is better on posts about Eddie being bi.

So frankly, I don't think anyone gets to walk away from this scoffing "don't like don't read" at me when nobody else around here is offering me that courtesy. If I could avoid reading it, I would. You came into my house, and the house of everyone else who makes a post, a fic, a gif, about Eddie being anything except a Kinsey 6.

Yes, reblogs are turned off for this. Anon is also turned off. You might say that's cutting off discussion, and you would be right. The blunt truth is I don't trust people online to respond with thoughtfulness, good faith, and care. I don't trust people to take their time and think before shooting off an emotional, defensive response. And I don't care to spend my time and energy educating people.

Maybe if I was a better person - a more social, more patient, and less private person - I would be the kind of person who would have the long hard discussions to educate and share my thoughts, to help you see my side. But that's not who I am, and I certainly don't owe it to anyone, not a single person here, to scrounge up my nonexistent trust and goodwill to have that discussion with you.

I've said my piece on this. I'm sure my tone seems harsh. The tone with which this is actually written is weariness, exhaustion, and, yes, nausea. It makes one sick and wears one down, to feel so on edge in a space and yet to try and ignore that to find joy anyway. Because I get a lot of joy in sharing my fics, and reblogging gifsets and meta, and I don't want to lose that joy.

But I suppose it needs to be said. I know others have said it, but I hope that I have said all this with enough calm and articulation that it will truly be understood, and it will not start drama or discourse, because that's not what I want. Truly. I spent enough of 2020 being dragged into one piece of bullshit drama after another. I'm not interested in wading back into that. I've kept pretty extreme radio silence for a reason.

My hope is simply for people to step back and take a long hard look at why they've decided one half of our ship is gay, and one half is bi, and what that might say about their subconscious stereotypes about gay and bi people.

If I've gotten you to do that, then this post is worth it.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I'm sure this would be a lot easier for people to read if I ended it with "and here's what to do moving forward." I think the desire to provide answers - for themselves and for others - is what drives people to make posts that condemn, or get aggressive, or seem to simply be out there to shut people up. People want to have a solution. They want the problem to go away.

I don't have a solution. I don't have answers for anyone. I truly wish I did. Part of why I've waited so long in posting this is trying to come up with a way to end this that would give people actionable steps. But at the end of the day, all I can really say is that I hope the people reading this will do some internal searching, and thoughtful discussion, and understand better the subconscious choices we make, the biases we hold, and how we can hurt people without meaning to.

I don't want apologies. I say that with love - I'm not looking for people to self-flagellate before me or make some kind of mea culpa post. I don't think that would help anything, and I don't think anyone owes that to me. Frankly I'm not interested in public discussion, and if there are posts others make about this, I don't want to see them.

You can make posts on your blog ranting about me (just please don't tag me, again, I don't want to see it). You can discuss this in your discord groups. You can vagueblog about me and chat about me in DMs. I don't care. I'd just like people to hear me say, "I am hurt, and you are hurting me, and I know it's not intentional, but this is why." Anything else is up to you. Any changes, in thought or behavior, are up to you. Probably nothing will change. But at least I've said something, and I've tried.

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you have a great day. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

#I am so sorry this turned into such a manifesto #I tried to keep it succinct while also covering every possible base #to avoid misinterpretation or unkindness #but I suppose at the end of the day I am a long-winded person #who tends to over-explain everything #hopefully that over-explaining has cut down on bad faith assumptions #but with this fandom who knows #I'll probably be off tumblr for a bit because my anxiety is through the roof posting this #mads rants

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renx01 · 11 days

Text

Playing along - part 3

Prompt: “Just play along, please” inspired this multiple part fic, in which agent Galahad and Kay are on a mission together in the French Alps. Here, they have to pretend to be a couple, despite the two of them being rivals and Kay always wanting to beat him at everything. Pairing: Harry Hart x Kingsman!Reader Fandom: Kingsman Tags/Warnings: fake dating, slowburn, rivals Word Count: 2045

Masterlist

That night you didn’t get much sleep. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, Harry’s words had hurt you to an extent. You respected him as an agent, and him not seeing you as an equal is quite frustrating. Still, you tried brushing it off and distracted yourself most of that night by reading up on some of Guillia and Angelo’s files until you eventually fell asleep.

The following morning you were awoken by the alarm you had set the night before. After snoozing it a couple of times, you decide it’s time to actually get up and ready. You make your bed and get dressed before laying out your weapons and supplies onto the bed. Assessing what you could possibly need, you put some things, such as your guns and extra ammunition, into your pockets while putting others away again. It’d probably be best to have breakfast before leaving for the mountains, so you put on your glasses and head to the kitchen. There, you’re greeted by Galahad, who is making himself breakfast. ‘Morning agent Kay.’ His voice sounds quite neutral, void of any emotion. ‘Morning agent Galahad.’ You reach past him into the fridge, grabbing some yoghurt before pouring it into a bowl and adding some fruit and granola. ‘Coffee?’ He asks you as you’re about to sit down. ‘Please.’ The hot beverage is presented to you a few minutes later. ‘Thank you.’ You say quietly before sipping some of it. Shortly thereafter, you’re virtually joined by Merlin, who has some new information to share with you regarding the couple you’d snapped a picture of last night. Apparently, the two people were some people who work within the organisation Guillia’s family runs, though they do not seem to be too important. What is most likely to be the case, according to Merlin, is that they’ve been tasked with keeping an eye on the two lovebirds. ‘I suggest we keep an eye out for them while on the mountain.’ Your suggestion is met positively by both men. ‘I suppose we should, we cannot risk breaking our cover.’ Galahad’s voice is quite serious. ‘About that.’ The Scotsman interrupts his train of thoughts. ‘I need the two of you to get along. You’re supposed to act like a couple and the most the two of you do is reluctantly hug or hold hands. I know the two of you have your rules, but do consider that not even kissing each other can be seen as quite odd by another couple.’ He sighs. ‘Of course this is something you’ll have to discuss and feel comfortable with, but please do think about it.’

Merlin leaves not too long after addressing the lack of affection the two of you show while in public. It is purely a work issue, yet it feels a bit personal due to what transpired the day before. Galahad does not apologise for his actions the previous day, but does agree with Merlin that the two of you should work on how convincing your relationship is to an outsider. ‘I think we should probably consider expanding what we’re comfortable with for this mission.’ You nod slowly. ‘What would that entail Galahad?’ ‘You know exactly what I mean, Kay.’ You roll your eyes. ‘Use your words Galahad, I need verbal confirmation.’ You say matter-of-factly and he groans. ‘I suppose we should consider kissing as one of the ways in which we show affection as a supposed couple while in public.’ A small smile forms on your lips at the awkward way in which he says this. ‘I agree, Merlin is probably right about how unnatural we look together while out in public.’

Not too long after you finish your breakfast, you leave for the mountains. The car ride wasn’t too bad. It’s still relatively calm, with the height of the season being about a month away. ‘The weather should be good today.’ You tell Harry as he parks your car. ‘That’s good.’ His eyes meet yours while turning off the engine. You flash a quick smile before turning and getting out of the car which is parked not too far from where the gondolas go up the mountain.

Shortly after you start getting ready, the other couple joins the two of you. ‘Good morning, Harry.’ Angelo turns to you. ‘Cam.’ He’s smiling when you look up as you’re doing up your shoes and you smile back. ‘Morning Angelo and Giulia.’ Both of them are wearing expensive ski gear that clearly is quite expensive. ‘Ready for today?’ The Italian man asks. ‘Quite,’ You get up. ‘I’m looking forward to what the parks have to offer.’ The four of you take the gondola up the mountain and start by touring some of the slopes you hadn’t taken the day prior. It was nice being shown around like this and the all around comfortable atmosphere helps you relax momentarily, though you’re always on your guard. When you arrive at your fourth lift of the day, Galahad and you finally sit next to one another, with Angelo and Giulia to his right. He slowly puts his arm around you and you lean your head onto his shoulder. When you look up, past him, you see the two Italians in a similar position. Underneath your ski mask, you smirk as you look back at the mountains in front of you. ‘Dear?’ You hum in response. ‘The view is beautiful, isn’t it?’ ‘It is.’ You feel him shift and press a kiss on the top of your head. This is nice. Yet you know for sure that this is all an act. The issues you had the previous day had made that very clear. So, you focus on having the exact same disposition; act happy and lovey dovey in front of others, but not in the slightest in private. The rest of the way up, you sit in silence, though it remains comfortable.

When you finally get out, it’s almost eleven-thirty. ‘Shall we head to one of the cabins for some food and drinks?’ Giulia asks as you stand on top of the slope you’re about to head down. ‘Sounds lovely.’ You see Galahad smile at her as he answers and you just nod in response. She heads down first, with Angelo and your supposed partner following shortly behind. You decide to wait a bit before you also head down, as you had noticed that they tend to go a bit slower than you personally enjoy. When you leave, you gracefully make your turns and quickly approach the others, eventually passing them, slowing down and playfully turning around to ski backwards for a bit. You wave at them and smile, your ski mask now stretched to sit beneath your chin. Angelo and Giulia enthusiastically wave back while Galahad just sighs. When you see his reaction, you turn back around and eventually come to a halt near the edge of the slope so the others can pass and lead the way. About fifteen minutes later, you reach the cabin Giulia’d told you about. There’s wooden tables and benches outside going all around the premises. Angelo takes the lead and talks to one of the waiters, who directs you to the other side of the building so you’ll have a view of the fun park. It isn’t too busy at this side and Angelo chooses a table in the sun. Once everyone sits down and takes off their jackets, the reason being that it’s quite warm so you don’t really need it when sitting in the sun, the waiter approaches your table and writes down what everyone would like to drink before handing everyone a menu. You talk amongst yourselves while you wait for your drinks and decide on what to eat. The atmosphere is quite relaxed. Galahad is the one who sits next to you, once again. It seems that he wants to stay close whenever he can. You suppose it’s to further drive home the fact that the two of you need to seem in love. He leans in, his lips brushing your ear. ‘What are you getting, darling?’ You blush but decide to ignore it. ‘I was thinking about getting the pasta, nothing special really.’ He hums in response. ‘Sounds lovely.’ It’s silent for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away. ‘I wanted to let you know that we’re being followed.’ You finally turn to face him. ‘Oh really?’ You smirk at him, trying to mask that you’re talking about a serious matter. ‘They’re sitting four tables behind us.’ You nod in response, still keeping up the act that he’s supposedly teasing you. Feeling his hand rest on your waist, you move to sit closer to him. Carefully, he leans forward and kisses you on the lips. It’s short but sweet and you feel butterflies in your stomach. Rather than dwelling on this fact, you turn back to Giulia and Angelo, to ask them about something. Still, your mind lingers and his touch does as well, his arm remaining around your waist.

Lunch went by without a hitch. The food was lovely and conversation flowed easily between the four of you. Angelo and you are now getting ready to go into the park, meanwhile Galahad and Giulia have just ordered a glass of wine for themselves. Once you’ve fastened your shoes again and put on your helmet, you stand up before zipping up your jacket and putting on your gloves. Galahad stands up with you and puts his hands on your hips. ‘Stay safe dear.’ He says before leaning in to give you a quick kiss. ‘Of course love.’ You smile, what you hope seems lovingly, at him. From the corner of your eye you see Angelo lean down and kiss Giulia passionately. The agent in front of you brings up his hand to cup your face before kissing you once again. He really was driving this “relationship” home, which you hadn’t really expected when you first discussed having to be more affectionate. He had seemed reluctant, but you suppose he’s proving the opposite is true.

Skiing down to where the park starts, you’re deciding what route to go. ‘I suggest we get warmed up and do a few runs before doing anything big air related.’ Angelo suggests. You nod. ‘Sounds good, lead the way.’ He skis down before jumping on some rails about halfway the slope. When he gets off, he does a 360. Following behind, you jump on the same rails, jumping off by doing a 180 and landing switch before turning back around. There’s a box on your right, so you do a box slide down it. Once you get off, you see there’s a small halfpipe which you speed towards, doing a safety grab during your jump. This is all still pretty basic stuff, but it does help you warm up quite well.

The two of you decide to do a few more of these runs before heading to the big air part of the park. When you stand at the top, you turn to where Harry and Giullia are sitting, waving at them. You see the other Kingsman agent gulp. You laugh a bit as you see him do so. Angelo waves at the two of them as well. ‘He’s not used to you doing this kind of stuff, is he?’ Continuing to look at the others in the distance, you answer. ‘I usually reserve this sort of stuff for the holidays I take with friends.’ That isn’t entirely a lie. When you were younger you used to do big air pretty often, but now it is indeed reserved for when you aren’t working, meaning that Harry isn’t used to it. ‘Harry dearest isn’t too big of a fan when it comes to this stuff, you know? He’d prefer it if I were to just keep both my feet on the ground when skiing.’ Your smile turns into a grin when you turn to Angelo. ‘That’s why I’m so happy you’ve invited us.’ He grins back enthusiastically. ‘I’m glad. It’s given me that same opportunity.’ The two of you laugh before directing your attention back to the half pipes in front of you, excited to see what this man has to show for himself.

#fanfic #ao3 writer #fanfiction #harry hart #harry hart imagine #no proofreading we die like men #harry hart reader insert #harry hart x reader #kingsman #kingsman imagine #kingsman reader insert #fanfic writing #writing #writers on tumblr #current hyperfixation

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ayyy-imma-ninja · 8 months

Note

I don’t care if it’s fucking called punishment for a reason and moon, I’m starting to hate you a lot for this overreaction and consistent denial of things. Do you wanna know something interesting within certain countries in Europe, it’s illegal to own one of any social creature because without interaction, social creatures will get depressed and will try to fucking kill themselves or will have a much shorter lives

Fairies seem to have a very similar cognitive abilities as humans, and I’m gonna tell you know some humans when forced into isolation. Try to fucking kill them selves, or go further in sane. What you’re not doing as a punishment it is torture. That makes you and every other fairy that’s pro, keeping him locked up forever without any social interaction horrible fairies!

So I don’t know what the fuck you’re going on about, but if you took a second actually listen to us and compare what we are saying to the outcome of what happened to fairies that have gone through and are going through his “punishment” I feel like you’d actually have a bit of empathy which you seem to be lacking right now. Jesus Christ. If you ever find my home, stay out of it because I don’t want you taking away any nightmares, or helping me sleep, I don’t want your brother anywhere near me if he’s just like you were thinking torture is an acceptable “punishment”

It’s not. Torture will never be an acceptable form of punishment, I’m sorry for being hard and very fucking aggressive with this, but it seems being aggressive is the only way that will get through your skull that maybe, isolating someone like this is horrid!

(by the way, humans have isolation cells for criminals that can’t be around other criminals, they still get social interaction though because we understand that without it everything it’s way worse.)

I'm going to break character and address this myself. With how aggressive this ask is, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to answer as one of the boys.

Yes. You are right. What Eclipse is going through is considered the very definition of torture, as punishment for the crime he's been accused of committing. In our world it is seen as cruel and unusual punishment, even inhuman to some. Everyone has different views and morals on that. Some hold to them, and some are willing to change their perspectives.

It's already been established that the laws of the Realm are different to the ones of our world. And in both, there are laws that not everyone likes but have to follow.

Sun has his views, that have yet to be seen. Moon has his views, which you all have seen. They both have these perspectives based off of what they know and have seen. Yet one thing that hasn't been revealed yet is their relationship with their former brother. What had led them to these views in the first place. No one except me and a handful of others know their past. The whole picture has not been revealed yet. There is a reason for that. There is a reason why they feel the way they do regarding this, and that will be explored soon.

You can agree or disagree with these views if you wish, you all have that right. Those are your morals.

But also, I feel the need to remind everyone-

this is a story.

I am glad it's gotten a lot of people invested, but please remember this is just me telling a story with characters I love with an AU I have made. Characters that all have different views about certain things that will likely clash with one another.

And I will clarify: my personal views on this subject are not reflected through the fairies, especially Moon. These differing and even questionable views are purely for intended for storytelling.

#answered ask #fairy au #dca fairy au

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sokayisaidiot · 9 months

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Star Wars Rebels and Ezrabine

Since I'm an amateur writer making an uneducated guess, I'd like to discuss relationships in the Star Wars universe. It's probably one of the touchiest subjects in this community, right after the debate over which trilogy was better (prequel or sequel), whether Jar Jar Binks was necessary, or if the politics are actually garbage.

To be more specific, I want to delve into the relationship between Ezra and Sabine from Star Wars Rebels. You might know them as Ezrabine or Sabezra. They're one of the hottest topics in pairings, right up there with Rey and Ben/Kylo. While the latter pair is something I deeply disapprove of, I'm neutrally conflicted about Sabezra.

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Before I dissect the relationship itself, I'd like to touch on three points that people often criticize or discuss. Please bear with me; I'm a bit sleep-deprived.

Ages:

Quoting from Quora: "Han's official year of birth is 'ca. 32 BBY,' which means he's anywhere from ten to thirteen years older than Leia." This suggests that the most iconic couple in Star Wars had a notably significant age gap. "Padmé was born in 46 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin), and Anakin's miraculous Force-created birth came in 41 BBY, so Padmé is five years older than him." Yet another iconic couple, with a substantial age difference. Hera and Kanan are yet another example, with Hera being four years older.

Headcanons:

I understand that people want Sabine to be a lesbian, and I can empathize with that desire. As a queer Star Wars fan myself, I comprehend the need for characters with similar journeys and identities. However, while having headcanons, it's crucial to remember that they are personal interpretations. They don't become canon for everyone just because you envision them that way. You're free to explore your own headcanons, and if others agree, that's even better. But ultimately, headcanon remains just that—headcanon.

For instance, my personal headcanon includes Ahsoka being aroace, or at the very least, completely asexual bisexual. And I believe Luke Skywalker isn't straight at all. I mean, have you seen the boots he wore for his own execution? Come on!

Relationships in Star Wars:

When we examine relationships in the Star Wars universe, we discover a wide array. These range from parent-child relationships, sibling bonds, adopted families, found families, to romantic love in various forms, ages, and situations. Tragedy often follows these relationships:

Ashoka and Anakin: Master and Padawan, Brother and Sister, Tragedy.

Obi-Wan and Satine: Jedi and Senator, Lovers, Tragedy.

Padme and Anakin: Senator and Jedi, Tragedy.

Kanan and Hera: Jedi and Rebel, Tragedy.

Yoda and Dooku: Master and Padawan, Tragedy.

This list goes on endlessly, and it's filled with sorrow.

Most of the significant Star Wars relationships are fraught with tragedy.

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The relationship within the Ghost crew can be described as follows: "The crew of the Ghost in Star Wars Rebels has always been a family. They aren't related by blood, and they didn't come from the same homeworlds, but they are bound together by a common cause, respect, trust, and love." This is how Amy Richau described them in an article on StarWars.com.

From what I've gathered, the found family dynamic within the Ghost crew evolves with each member.

Take Kanan, for example. While Hera is his girlfriend and wife, Chopper is a quirky, psychopathic pet, and Sabine is like a surrogate daughter, Kanan's relationship with Ezra is that of a Padawan and Master to the highest degree. A master plays a role akin to that of a father but maintains the mentorship for training and respect, which involves clear emotions but also a deeper line.

Hera takes on the role of a self-proclaimed mom, offering kindness in the harsh times of rebellion. Zeb is mostly like the older brother who spotted you as a newbie at school and decided to lend a helping hand, providing support and having your back.

What I'm trying to convey is that while the Ghost crew is undoubtedly a family under any circumstances, the relationship between Ezra and Sabine doesn't fit the sibling mold, especially not from Season 3 onward. There's a reason I believe Ezra still has feelings for Sabine, at least until the Ahsoka Episode 4 standpoint.

From Season 3 onward, we witness Ezra's transformation. He matures, learns, and fully embraces his role as a future Jedi. He's no longer the kid the crew rescued on that planet, nor does he try to flirt with Sabine like some awkward neighbor kid. He's become an integral part of their close-knit community.

He and Sabine are equals, and he's no longer the young person Sabine takes under her wing in an older sisterly manner. They fight as rebels together, as comrades in the same community. Perhaps they sense a familial bond through the crew, but no dialogue from either of them implies a sibling relationship. They haven't been written with sibling energy, unlike the dynamic between Ahsoka and Anakin or Leia and Luke in the 6th movie.

In Season 3, there are moments that could have established them as siblings to emphasize the family connection. Take, for instance, when Ezra meets Sabine's family during the Mandalorian arc, and he talks to Sabine's brother for the first time. Instead of introducing himself as Sabine's brother, it comes off more like a boy meeting his Gfs family.

There might be counterarguments, as in Season 4's beginning when Ezra and the other Mandalorians rescue Sabine's father. Ezra doesn't claim to be family; he implies that he isn’t in a romantic relationship with Sabine. However, the fact that Ezra never alludes to a sibling relationship is intriguing. The end of Rebels, where it's just between Ezra and Sabine, further adds complexity to the situation, with how he decides to confide in him and him only.

There may have been something in the works discussed in the directing room, but then why is there a sudden shift to a sibling relationship in Ahsoka? It's hard to believe that after not allowing Ezra to introduce himself as Sabine's brother, they now suddenly introduce that element again. There are some theories out there that could explain why Sabine scoffs instead of reacting fondly when he says he's her brother. It's all quite frustrating.

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While there's undoubtedly a sense of familial connection within the Ghost crew, the relationship between Sabine and Ezra has taken on a different dimension. It doesn't necessarily have to be romantic, as there are moments missing for that kind of build-up. Some scenes, the way they're animated, shot, or the dialogue they share, indicate a different dynamic.

But there's also no clear groundwork for a sibling relationship, and considering Star Wars' storytelling and penchant for twists, it wouldn't be surprising if it turned out to be a setup.

The divide within the fandom over the years has also made it challenging to establish this relationship. And keeping it ambiguous didn't help as we know how fandoms like to rip each other apart.

But in the end, it's a story. Let's stay calm, take a deep breath, and see how it unfolds. Let's keep the discussions civil and respect each other's viewpoints as we argue like pros!

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sequinsmile-x · 1 year

Text

Homesick

Emily is stuck at home, sick with the flu, and Aaron wants to be by her side.

-x-

A sick!fic, because it's the middle of the week and we all deserve it.

-x-

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: None!

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I don’t think this place has ever had quite this much paperwork,” Dave comments as he places a box full of files on the conference room table, “This is going to take hours.”

“That’s why we offered to help,” Aaron says, grabbing some of the files himself, “Otherwise it might take the locals until the trial to get all of this done.”

Even though they had solved the case, they had agreed to stay one more day. It was a small town and this was the first time anything like this had ever happened there. The local cops were underprepared to deal with a single murder, let alone the several that had happened in the last few weeks. The unsub had been transported to jail and the team were going to help with paperwork and dealing with the media.

For the first time in a long time, Aaron was desperate to get home and found himself disappointed that they had to stay. Emily had stayed at home, stuck in her apartment from the flu that she had picked up from Jack. He found himself missing her, unable to sleep without her curled up around him, without the soft sound of her breathing filling the room.

It had only been four months since they’d got together, a tentative request for a date turning into a kiss by her front door, but he couldn’t imagine his life without her.

“It’s quiet without Prentiss here,” Dave says as if he’d read Aaron’s mind, “I’d almost say peaceful if it weren’t for the serial killer we just arrested.” Aaron laughs, shaking his head as he places the file in his hand down on the table in front of them,

“I won’t tell her you said that, she’d kill you as soon as she gets better,” he replies, smiling as he imagines the exact expression that would flit across her face if he told her. How her eyes would get impossibly wider and her mouth would fall open slightly, beautiful even in her outrage.

“It’s nice to know you’d protect me from your girlfriend's wrath.”

Aaron smiles at him, “Well, it would cost the FBI a lot of money to replace you.”

Dave frowns, his eyebrows knitting together, “I remember you being a lot less cheerful before you and Emily got together,” he smiles wistfully, his eyes crinkling as he looks Aaron up and down, “She’s good for you. You’re good for each other.”

He can’t help but smile at his friend's words, at the happiness that spreads through his chest at the mention of the woman he loves and their relationship.

He felt lucky that he had fallen in love twice, and that both times they had been friends first. Haley had taught him that love he’d only ever read about in required reading in English class did exist, that people could be kind. Emily was teaching him that love after the most painful of losses is possible and that he deserved happiness even after everything he still blamed himself for.

Haley might have been his first love, but he’d known since the first time Emily kissed him that she’d be his last. She understood, and loved, who he was now. She loved every part of him, even the parts he didn’t like, and he did the same for her.

The guilt he’d been feeling since he left her on her couch three days ago, under a blanket he’d tucked around her with meds and snacks within reaching distance, goes from a simmer to a boil. Even though she’d insisted he still went to work, and then on the case, he hadn’t wanted to leave her behind. He couldn’t shake the idea that he was doing it wrong all over again, his past mistakes with Haley crawling up the back of his neck.

“You know…you could always head home tonight. Morgan and I could make sure everything is ok here,” Dave says, and Aaron looks up at him, tilting his head slightly in confusion, “You’ve checked your phone more in the last few days than I think I have ever seen you check it in the entire time I’ve known you,” his smile turns into a smirk, “It will only take a few hours to drive home. I think you need it more than she does.”

It’s all he’s wanted to do for days, but he falters. His responsibilities for his team, for the job that had cost him so much already, balanced against those for the woman he loves. After a few seconds, he looks at Dave again.

“Are you sure?”

Dave nods, taking the last of the files from Aaron, “Positive, plus, this way I win the bet,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “I said from the start you’d leave before the case was over.”

___

Emily groans as she shifts on the couch, her body aching as she tries to settle back down. She coughs and immediately winces, her ribs and chest sore from the repetition of it over the last few days.

She felt like shit.

She pulls the blanket tighter around herself and wipes at her nose with the sweater she was wearing, one that had once belonged to Aaron.

It smelled like him. Or at least, if she could smell anything right now she knows it would smell like him. She’d put it on almost as soon as he’d left for work a few days ago. Emily knew it was in her head, that it could even be the flu making her slightly delirious, but it felt warmer than any of her clothes. As if some of his relentless warmth, something she loved about him, had seeped into the material surrounding her. A little piece of him she could have whilst he was gone.

She knew he had to go, that he couldn’t just stay and look after her, but she missed him. She was sure her past self would have thought it was ridiculous, but she was used to spending most of her time with him. Used to waking up with him, used to reminding him to eat whilst he was working.

Used to being loved by him. A reassuring smile and a hug never too far away.

Her eyes are about to drift shut again, her seemingly ever-present exhaustion taking over, when she hears the scrape of a key in her front door, followed quickly by the door opening. She considers calling out and asking whoever was letting themselves in to kill her, and to make it quick, but she’s interrupted before she can speak.

“It’s just me, sweetheart.”

She sits up quickly, too quickly, and groans, her head throbbing as she looks at him, frowning as her eyes meet her boyfriend’s. He drops his go-bag by her front door before he moves further into her apartment, a soft smile on his face as he looks at her.

“Aaron?”

He smiles at her as he places a plastic bag with a container of soup in it on her kitchen counter. He has a quick look around at the pizza boxes and Chinese take-away containers amongst disposed of tissues and empty cough syrup bottles.

“Did you move at all whilst I was gone?”

She frowns at him, scrunching her nose up as she sniffs, “Don’t be mean to me I’m sick.”

Aaron chuckles and walks over to her, leaning over the back of the couch to kiss her forehead, grimacing when he feels the temperature of her skin. Her fever was better than it was a few days ago, but it was still there. He rounds the couch and joins her. She shifts her legs just enough for him to slip under them before she lays them over his lap. He studies her face carefully, her nose bright red and the rest of her skin paler than usual.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, her nose still clearly blocked and her voice ragged, “Pen called and said you guys were staying another night.”

“The team can handle it,” he says, tucking some hair that escaped the bun she’d thrown it into behind her ear, “I thought I’d come to see how you were doing.”

She rolls her eyes and ignores how it makes her head feel like it’s burning, “Aaron, honey, I’m fine. Work is important-”

“Not as important as you.”

She stares at him for a second, and she considers calling him ridiculous or making fun of him for being sentimental like she always did, but even in her flu-ridden state, she knows how much of an admittance this is for him. How big a deal it is that he left before a case was over, something she could never remember him doing before, for her. It didn’t take a profiler to see that he was trying. That he wanted to prove to himself that he could do better than he had in the past.

She makes a mental note to talk to him about it when she's better, to tell him that he doesn’t have to prove anything to her.

“I love you,” she says instead, secretly glad he’d driven all this way to see her, his presence enough by itself to make her feel better than she had in days.

“I love you too,” he replies, leaning in to kiss her forehead again, he smiles widely as he pulls back, “I left Morgan and Dave in charge and drove back. I brought you soup,” he says nodding towards the kitchen. He looks her up and down again, his eyes briefly fixed on a sweater he thought he’d lost, “Seriously though, have you moved at all since I left?” He asks, “I’m fairly sure you’re still wearing the same pyjamas under that sweater you stole.”

She ignores the comment about the sweater and groans, leaning her forehead against his shoulder, “I don’t have the energy to shower,” she complains, “Or move further than the front door to take in the food being delivered.”

Aaron pulls her closer and runs his hand up and down her back, “Why don’t we have a bath, I’ll help you wash your hair, and then I’ll heat up your dinner for you.”

“Huh,” she says, her face still pressing into him, “That’s exactly what the guy who delivered my pizza last night offered too.”

He pulls away from her, an outraged look on his face, “What?”

She laughs, her smile wide, “I’m kidding,” she continues to laugh and before he has a chance to react it quickly turns into a coughing fit. He rubs firm circles on her back and reaches for the glass of water on the coffee table.

“You’re ok, sweetheart,” he says, passing her the glass of water, “You’re ok.”

She takes a couple of small sips as her coughing fades and grimaces as she puts it down, “God, why do I still feel like shit.”

“You’re sick, Em,” he replies, offering her a half smile as she glares at him, “Even you can’t speed up getting over the flu.”

She hums and sniffs, wiping her nose on the sleeve of his sweater, “Well, your son is lucky he’s cute. Otherwise, I’d be having words with him.”

Aaron chuckles and puts his arm around her, all but gathering her into his arms, “Jack and I definitely owe you breakfast when you’re better.” She nods against him and snuggles in further, finally finding the comfort she’d been missing for days. He feels her get slightly heavier, and he gently shakes her, “Sweetheart, we should do what I said.”

“What?” She asks, looking up at him, her eyes narrowing in confusion, “What did you say?”

He clears his throat to stop himself from laughing at her, knowing that it wouldn’t go down well even when she was sick.

“Bath, hair wash, food, sleep. In that order,” he says, kissing her temple before he stands up offering her a hand, steadying her as she stands too. She leans against him, her face buried in his shirt.

“You’re mean.”

He does smile this time, and starts to lead her towards her bathroom, “You’ll feel better for it, I promise.”

She stops them, her hand on his bicep as she faces him, her eyes shining with love, “I always feel better when you’re around,” she says quietly, biting her lower lip to try and contain her smile.

It’s naked honesty, and he’s not sure she would have said it if she wasn’t sick, but it makes him smile. “I feel better when you’re around too.” He leans in to kiss her, but she pulls back her eyebrows furrowing.

“Honey, I’m sick,” she protests, and she grimaces a little, “And I also don’t entirely remember the last time I brushed my teeth.”

He shakes his head and leans in to stamp a kiss against her lips, smiling when their eyes meet again.

“Worth it.”

-x-

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littlewormgrant · 2 months

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The Magicians: When the Fire Goes Out

I realized, I don't think I've ever shared this old fic on here. It's my most liked and bookmarked fic on AO3. Has a special place in my heart as one of my favorites to write. I have the biggest soft spot for the lil family vibes that it had going on. AND IT HAS A SONG. So yeah, enjoy! 🔥

Pairing: Quentin Coldwater x Eliot Waugh (MxM)

Summary: Eliot stopped and scooped up the little boy to rest him on his hip in one arm. He was starting to get just a little too big for being carried and Eliot knew there would come a day they wouldn’t be able to pick him up anymore. But that day wasn’t going to be it. Explores the themes of grief, family dynamics, and healthy established relationships. 3.9k words / Canon Compliant / Mosaic Timeline

Get out on your own Be somebody now This came up out of nowhere Guess I gotta go Let’s cut to the chase Stuck in this place for good When I’m with you in here It doesn’t seem so bad Bon Voyage - Arbi, Koethe

---

Eliot should have been relieved to get through another winter in Fillory, the cold was particularly unbearable within their shanty little cabin, but nothing about this coming summer felt right without Arielle.

The community came together, a little more than a dozen people cuddled on logs near the fire in her memory, garnishing the flickered flames with items that held a personal connection to her. She’d passed unexpectedly and they’d held a memorial for her in the village just a few days after burying her.

For Eliot, his personal item to burn came in the form of a long decorative sash. He’d spent too many years arguing with Arielle over differing styles and attempting to impose their tastes over one another. It was their longest conflict.

Arielle had won, obviously, but not entirely because she’d gotten one over him by dying. They’d always joked that would have been the case, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth to think about. He’d genuinely started to like her style.

He thought about Margo constantly and what she might have said or done differently. No one could have ever replaced his Bambi. He missed her more than he’d ever say. But at least Arielle was a good person to be around. He felt he’d become a better person because of her, or at least one not so heavily reliant on alcohol or drugs. She’d been the one to teach him to sew and had shown him how to dye fabrics in colors not even Earth could recreate.

As thanks, he’d make her things she’d have no choice but to wear. Boasting about his taste in fashion and how perfectly it could have worked if they hadn’t been living in the backwards lands of Fillory. The sash had been one of the first things he’d made that she’d actually kept using. She’d told him it was so ugly that it somehow made it cute. He feigned offence and it became one of their longest-running jokes.

Quentin tossed a peach into the fire, it was the only other item he had on him. The other was a small teddy that Arielle had made while pregnant with their first. A little brown Cozy Horse, much too small to be the real deal but it was from one of her favorite Fillorian tales. Too valuable to burn.

The sleeping boy curled up in Q’s lap held the teddy in a vice grip. He hadn’t let it out of his sight ever since she’d gone.

“Why hadn’t more of the world known about her?” Q’s voice was low, too tired to cry anymore, but the raw pain of it was there all the same. Eliot was beside him. He’d been staring off into the fire and watching the fruit simmer and burn.

“I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t want that? Her world was always you and Ted.”

“And you,” Q corrected.

“And me,” he agreed.

Eliot looked back to him and reached out to stroke through the snoozing boy's hair. It was soft and pale in the low light of the flickering flames, as blonde as Arielle's had been. He couldn’t see them now, but he already knew if Ted opened his eyes he’d see splashes of her colors mixed in with those familiar browns.

This was going to be a harder life for the boy without his mother there. Eliot wished he could carry all that pain for him. Leave the burdens of the world on his own shoulders. The boy was too young to fully understand, but he’d soon come to learn she wasn’t coming back. Quentin brought him out of his thoughts when the silence was broken again.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without her El.”

“Take it one day at a time. Plus, you aren’t going to be doing this alone. Promise you’ll never be alone.”

Quentin leaned on him, Eliot pressed his cheek against the top of his head.

“I wish I could get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t think I want to.”

“Q, can I tell you a secret? For a while, all you’re going to do is float. You’re going to try and stay alive for something other than yourself. And those waves of grief and pain never stop coming, but somehow, you don’t really want them to. They’re a testament to all the love you’ve ever felt and can feel. This pain will pass and the edges of it won’t be as sharp each time it comes back.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Well you know me, I’m always right.”

“Not always.”

“Mhm. Okay, not always. Just most of the time.”

Eliot reached out to pat the top of his thigh. They pulled back and shared a sad smile. The conversation between them was overseen by the crackle of the fire raising up when another item was added by someone else. The others returned to their logs. Voices talking amongst each other, low and soft.

Eventually, they all left too. Leaving the quiet grieving family alone with the dying fire. The night was beautifully tragic. Eliot knew he’d always remember this moment, though he wished he wouldn’t. It was one of the more painful highlights of his life.

---

“Ted.” The voice patient but repeating the same thing for the millionth time that day was beginning to wear. Eliot glanced up from his spot in one corner of the mosaic and watched the young boy standing out past the treeline.

His stubborn little body barely visible past the wards and through the bramble and foliage. Quentin hadn’t moved, but he was watching the boy like a hawk.

“Hey, that’s too far and you know that. Stay where we can see you. It’ll be dark soon.”

“No!” Silence, Quentin gave him a second to think about it. Eliot raised an eyebrow and looked to Q, they knew what was coming. Ted was starting up again. “No dada, no!”

The little boy didn’t dare move from the spot he’d been caught in. Glued in place by his father's words. His grip tightened around the long stick he’d been holding, just so he could wave it aggressively in Quentin’s direction. The other arm wrapped protectively around a tattered brown Cozy Horse, holding it close to his chest. He let out a frustrated growl in the process.

Ted had been testing boundaries all day. Getting him to help or play near the tiles for the evening after an eventful dinner was next to impossible. No doubt going to bed would be the same. On days like this he’d get the passing thought of using his magic on him. Arielle would never have approved.

Eliot had watched the buildup happen all day, as much as it killed him not to intervene, he quietly watched on again. It was always a balance between who dealt with what. When Ted was first born Eliot didn’t have the slightest clue of what to do, but all that seemed to come so naturally for Quentin.

“I’m not going to ask again. Move back in the warded area by yourself or I’ll come get you.”

“No! I hate you! No! I wanna go see mama!”

Quentin let out a sigh and moved to get up. In the same moment, Teddy beelined off through the trees at full speed. Eliot shook his head and got up, shaking the dirt and dust from his favorite pillow. Q had already set off with speed into the treeline after the now-screeching toddler.

He moved to another corner of the mosaic where the sunset was always particularly beautiful, through the treeline only the sound of one very unhappy child could be heard. Eliot dropped his pillow beside the pile of others and dropped back down to make himself look busy.

It didn’t take long before a panting Quentin made it out the treeline victorious with a squirming red-faced boy fighting his arms. “NOOO” a sob pitched out loudly from the boy's tiny fighting lungs.

The stick was long gone but the horse remained flung about in his flailing little arms. Ted had decided to wake up and choose violence for the day. Absolutely nothing could please him. He got a pass, he was still trying to understand what his emotions meant. Eliot had been learning a whole lot more about that himself.

He could see Quentin's face a mixture of patience, pain, and grief. His eyes said it all, trying his best to stay silent about his own inner turmoil, but he was suffering all the same. Eliot waved Quentin over as he got closer. “Here. Bring him to sit by me. Go get some water and take five. The lamps will need lighting up soon.”

Quentin didn’t argue, though it was clear he was contemplating it. He looked defeated. Handling his own grief along with Ted’s outbursts had been wearing on him. He carried Ted over to sit in the pile of pillows by Eliot then turned to walk off towards the cabin. He could hear Q blow out a stream of air as he turned to leave, a hand rising to stroke his hair back. Eliot wished he could do more. One thing at a time.

The second Ted was placed down he tried to squirm away and go again. Eliot was faster, he’d already anticipated this movement. Hands around his small waist, he wrestled the boy back into the pillows.

”No papa!” sobbed out from the little boy, fresh tears replacing the anger, finding the moment had hit its breaking point for him. He buried his face into the dirty stuffed horse.

“Oh, come on kiddo. That was never going to work. Running away was my signature move.” None of those words meant anything to Ted. Eliot didn’t let up on his grip, not yet. “Listen, sometimes it can be a very good thing to run away from something, but right now it’s not a good idea. Show me you can sit beside me and I will let you go.”

It didn’t take long of Eliot holding him before Ted gave up fighting and grew impatient. Eliot loosened his grip as soon as he could. He didn’t want to be in his son's space while Ted was upset. The little boy puffed out loudly, body coiling away from Eliot, arms wiping his face then folding wrap around his face and knees in an effort to not look up at him.

Eliot sat back, he tried to show he was completely calm and in control. He waited for Ted to have that moment to himself, eyes going to the sunset to saviour the last of the setting sunlight through the trees.

The dirty brown horse hadn’t been let go, still crushed into the boy's lap. Eliot made a mental note to inspect the seams. It’d need repairing soon and he was dreading the potential headache it’d bring. He never could do the work quite as beautifully as Arielle once had. Maybe Quentin would be up for using his abilities instead.

When Ted came down from his mountain and slowly twisted back to look up Eliot, red puffy eyes still wet. In response, he smiled back reassuringly and reached out to stroke the wet from the boy’s face. His little one was engaging again, this was a good thing.

“See? You’re okay. I know you’re really mad right now and I would be too.”

He waited for a response, when there was none, Eliot leaned in and continued.

“Do you remember what I do when I get so mad?”

Ted shook his head. It wasn’t a fair question, Eliot had never so much as raised his voice around Ted. He held up his hand and wiggled his fingers patiently, bringing the boys attention to that.

Eliot promised himself he’d never be like his own father and he’d to date he’d stayed true to his word. Ted glanced down to his own hands, opening his palms across the mangled horse in his lap.

“How about we blow them out together? Maybe if you helped me we can get them down faster we could go do something else after. You ready?”

Eliot breathed in, making an exaggerated show of it with air filling up his cheeks, then waited for Ted to copy. After each slow exhale he’d fold a finger down. Ted genuinely just wanted to blow out the candles as fast as he possibly could. He was starting to blow a second time by the time Eliot was done with one exhale. It didn’t matter, the fact he was doing it at all was a step in the right direction.

By the end of it the young boy was still red-faced, but not quite so ready to explode. Eliot’s chest felt lighter and he knew Ted probably felt the effect too. They weren’t out of the woods by any means, but this was a start. Eliot placed his hand back down as his last finger closed.

“Did you get that nice feeling in your chest too? Means it’s working. So, what do you think happened that made you have to come sit here with papa?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. I forget sometimes too. I think it was because you went outside the warded area which isn’t safe. What do you think?”

“... but I didn’t want to be safe. I wanted to go see mama.”

“I know you want to be with mama, I miss her too. But going out into the woods isn’t a good idea and won’t make you closer to her. You want to know what I think will help?

“What?”

“We can miss someone and have them close to our heart. I could tell you my favorite stories of mama, or hum that song she always liked to do. Or we can just walk around the safe area and hold hands without talking. I don’t want you to feel more sad. What do you think?”

Ted sat there quietly, reasoning the pros and cons as far as his small developing mind could take them. Eliot was always surprised by how mature he’d been. Raised around only adults might have had that effect, or maybe it was being raised in Fillory. He couldn’t know for sure, he’d never experienced the hardships of kids before and didn’t really have any baseline to go off.

These newer outbursts Ted was having were always so sudden and explosive. Eliot could only hope this would get easier with time, for the sanity of all of them.

“Just walk papa? I don’t want to be more sad.”

“Alright little man. Whatever makes you happy and safe.”

Eliot got up first, hand offered out for the smaller person to reach for it. He held Ted’s hand as they walked out to the parameter of the wards. Each time Ted pointed to parts of the ward he knew, Eliot tried his best to explain why they’d added that, in a way Ted would understand. He never did, but he liked the pretty lights of it and listening to Eliot talk.

After a while, lanterns around the mosaic were lit by Quentin and their home looked like the most inviting spot for miles. Thankfully the wards they’d put up together should keep the worst at bay. Coming from the original falling apart shack it once was, they’d spent enough magic making it a home.

Q had a silent conversation with Eliot from across the yard before coming over to join the pair, checking to see if he was allowed or if Eliot would just shoo him off again. Ted was doing better. The coast was clear. Q smiled warily as he joined them.

Ted automatically held up his only free hand with Cozy Horse and looked sad when he couldn’t hold both that and his father. When Q got close enough, he took the horse from the small boy, then bent down to tuck it into Ted’s shirt so its head would poke out against his small neck. He took the free hand and used his other to ruffle the boy's hair when he stroked it. Straightening back up they began walking again.

The trio wandered aimlessly, attempting to talk about other things, anything to distract Ted, making him smile or laugh about something else. Showing him the world wasn’t always so damn tragic. Ted was pretty set in his thoughts, and it was hard to keep away from the harder-hitting questions. When no answer came from Quentin, Eliot stepped up and drew the boy's attention to him.

“What is dying?”

“Well, uh… Mama’s body stopped working when she got sick. She couldn’t eat, or play, or move her body anymore like we do.”

“But what if I get sick?”

“Everyone gets sick sometimes. I’m going to take care of you, and Dada will take care of you, and the doctors will take care of you too. You’ll be okay even if you get sick.”

“Does everyone die?”

“Eventually, yeah... everyone dies. But the bright side? Most people die when they are very, very old like Nana.”

Q tossed Eliot a look but Ted didn’t seem all that bothered. He was too caught up in his own head, just like someone else Eliot knew. His expression softened when Ted’s small voice spoke again.

“But not Mama. I miss her.”

“No, not Mama. I miss her too”

“Why is Dada’s face wet?”

“I think he’s just going to be doing that from now on, but that’s okay. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.”

“He’s crying? Why?”

“Dada’s crying because he’s very sad that Mama died. We all miss her very much. What do you think we could do when we see someone is sad?”

Ted offered no advice but immediately let go of Eliot and leaned in to try to hug Quentin. Eliot stopped and scooped up the little boy to rest him on his hip in one arm. He was starting to get just a little too big for being carried and Eliot knew there would come a day they wouldn’t be able to pick him up anymore. But that day wasn’t going to be it.

Getting closer to Quentin to side hug him. Q leaned his head in immediately to hide his face in the nook of Eliot’s neck and sniffled quietly. Ted leaned across Eliot to rest his head on his father. Q tried so hard to hide this side from Ted, Eliot wished he wouldn’t.

When Q pulled back and whispered his thanks, they began walking again. Eliot didn’t dare let him move back too far. Arm staying wrapped around his best friend, he pressed his cheek against his head and hummed that beautiful melody Arielle always used to do.

The small boy curled into the crook of Eliot’s neck where Q had been and hooked his little arms around his neck. It didn’t take long for the boy to doze off like that. They walked together in silence a little longer.

It was still too cold for him to sleep outside yet. Eliot knew they’d all be doing that once the temperatures were right for it. He eventually carried the sleeping boy back to the cabin. What looked tiny from the outside became a full spacious home on the inside thanks to years of refining their spellwork.

Tucking the small boy into his own bed, he carefully pulled Cozy Horse from the boy’s clothes and stashed it away into his back pocket. Once he was sure Ted wasn’t getting up again, he crept back out as quietly as he could to go find Quentin.

Quentin had been curled up on the bed-like bench outside. The campfire had been started back up and he seemed to be staring off into space. He hadn’t noticed Eliot approaching until he was moving past his line of vision. Q blinked back and looked up at him. Eliot took up space on the bed beside him, tugging at the blanket sprawled over the arm to cover their bodies against the cold. The nights weren’t warm enough yet, but it was still nice enough to be out there.

“He’s asleep.”

“Thanks. You were amazing today. I felt like a useless floundering fish.”

“C’mon now, give floundering fish some credit. They generally tend to mature into some of the most beautiful and powerful creatures. Plus, they taste delicious.” Eliot tried to tease, leaning in to nudge against his favorite person, wrapping him in for a much-needed cuddle under the blanket. “Some days are just going to be like that. You did exactly what you needed to get through it.”

“He’s asking to go be with her. That’s not normal. He’s just a kid.”

“Kid or not, he’s going to say and feel what he needs to say and feel. He lost someone important to him, just like you did.”

“I hate this. I don’t know the first thing about making any of it okay again.”

“Who says any of it needs to be okay? We just need to keep ourselves above water for a little while longer.”

“You seem to be handling all this way better than I ever could.”

“Just because I’m not hitting the booze anymore, or munching on all the psychedelic carrots I can get my hands on, doesn’t mean I’m handling it, Q. I’m a little numb to it all right now.”

“You’re better with Ted.”

“-And that’s because I’m a dispassionate cold-blooded lizard. Listen, him seeing you like this and showing him it’s okay to be upset is better than anything I can do. He has big feelings he doesn’t know how to deal with, much like someone else I know.”

“You’re far from being cold-blooded or dispassionate.”

“So we both agree I’m a lizard.”

He shifted his arm to retrieve the tattered and dirty Cozy Horse. Quentin sat up to watch and Eliot followed suit.

“I’d try sewing this but I’m lowkey terrified I’ll make it worse. Nobody wants an Ugly Horse.”

“Let me.”

He took it from him, hands gently inspecting the damaged toy. Cozy Horse came to life under Quentin’s touch, moving on its own accord as seams were repaired and holes patched themselves up. It was almost like it was brand new again, minus the lost stuffing and patches of fur. Eliot was enamoured by the sight. Watching something so broken be fixed back together like it was always the same could never get boring.

Eliot dipped in to kiss him softly against his lips the moment he knew Quentin could be distracted. Cozy Horse dropped down onto the blanket. Quentin hummed against the contact, hand reaching up to touch Eliot’s face. When they parted. Eliot nudged Q back down into the bed so that he could watch the stars above while Eliot kissed him in other places. He’d do anything to remind him he wasn’t alone. After their day, the contact was needed.

“See? You’re doing better than you know.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Just most of the time.”

“Eliot, shut up and kiss me again.”

---

I’m tired of this waiting And I am not alone Oh I’m burning up Saying what you will I’m not out of love I’m the captain of this sinking ship Please just get a grip I know it’s my fault But we’re not going down Bon Voyage - Arbi, Koethe

#eliot waugh #quentin coldwater #the magicians #mosaic timeline #queliot #the magicians fanfic #domestic fluff #established relationship #family feels #grief/mourning #peaches and plums #canon compliant #pov eliot waugh #hale appleman #jason ralph #Spotify

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