#he most definitely has fucked

[afterhourwriting]

“Kyle’s so sweet, he doesn’t know what sex is!”

“He’s so itty bitty, he couldn’t be mean to you 🥺🥺”

WHAT ABOUT KYLE THAT IS THE MOST EXPERIENCED MAN IN TF141 RIGHT NEXT TO PRICE??

Kyle, who once he gets his fingers into your sopping wet cunt, can almost immediately find that little spot that can make your toes curl and your eyes roll back into your skull.

Kyle, that flips you every which way to find which position can make you cum the most and will make sure to remember those positions for next time.

KYLE, that enjoys watching the tears run down your face when his cock is repeatedly hitting the back of your throat as you take him in your mouth ‘like a good fuckin’ slag.’

WHAT ABOUT THAT? HUH?

Sorry, I’m just tired of pretending that Gaz doesn’t look like he absolutely gets bitches and is a fucking nerd when it comes to making sure that women are satisfied during sex.

That was all.

#call of duty #kyle gaz garrick #kyle is not a virgin i’m sorry #look at that man #he is not a virgin #he most definitely has fucked #gaz cod #gaz garrick #kyle garrick #gaz call of duty #kyle gaz smut #gaz smut

[lazycranberrydoodles]

english translation book 5 baby we are in the ‘people assuming kid form hua cheng is xie lian’s son’ era 🔥🔥🔥 / follow for more hualian silliness

#so the part of the book where kid hua cheng suddenly sits bolt upright #because he senses something in the room #and this 7 year old is just 👁️👁️ and radiating immense killing intent #hes so fucking funny 😭 #i love him being weird and strange and offputting #‘dianxia why does the high schooler that hangs around your house sometimes have glowing red eyes and know things he definitely shouldnt #and crush things into dust with his bare hands and seem to hate the sun an-‘ mind your own fucking business #drawing baby hc was so much fun i hope i do it again soon #the secret is that xie lian is JUST as deeply weird as his husband but in a less obvious and threatening manner. #guy who has to keep his internal monologue internal because he is thinking things like “wouldnt wanna get choked by those hands!” #out of every god character he is the one who seems to have changed the most from immortality #dying presumably hundreds of times and being alone for hundreds of years does something to your brain #“xiao hua why does your cultivator talk weird and wear the same clothes and eat the same food and-” HE IS AUTISTIC!!!! AND JADED BY THE #PASSAGE OF CENTURIES!!! YOULL NEVER KNOW WHICH IS WHICH!! #my art #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #art #tgcf meme #mxtx #天官赐福 #lmao #hob #heaven official's blessing #the people have spoken...

[sakuraluck]

this moment will never fail to make me feral bc he gave up!!! till, the boy who rebels even when all it does is get him hurt, the one who burns as brightly as the stars in the sky, the flame that lasted for almost two decades finally gave up!!! he snuffed out!! he closed him eyes and stopped fighting!! do you understand how devastating that is??

especially to ivan who idolizes and adores him for it?? who has only ever known till for his never-ending love and will that never falters? to see the man he loves broken down like this—a hurt that extends far beyond that of the physical body but to his soul— must’ve been terrible

and you can see it

ivan’s crumpling too. his mental state is on the verge of snapping too. his shoulders are dropped and his eyes are bloodshot.

till’s given up and ivan can see it and as his hands tighten around the other’s neck, a voice whispers what if you don’t let go?

because that’s what till wants right? he isn’t going to win against luka like this. he wants to die and no matter what ivan does, it’s not going to change that. so why not kill him?

that way they can die together.

wouldn’t that be wonderful?

ivan has always had a great potential for darkness and he holds it back most of the time, rarely ever letting it come to the surface. it wouldn’t be far off to assume this was one of those moments, where emotions are high and last minute regrets and wishes are surging forth—it isn’t far off to think there was a small part of him that was seriously contemplating throwing away his decision to sacrifice himself alone.

but then he gets shot in the chest, through the lungs, and the pain snaps him out of it. because this is it. this is the end. and he remembers why he’s doing this.

he remembers his desire to save till despite how foolish as it may be, how hypocritical it may be. the light reappears in his eyes and it’s ivan in love again. it’s ivan swelling with pure love, looking at till for last time.

it’s ivan doing the one thing he’s never been able to do:

it’s ivan letting go

#fuck the image limit #ivantill #alien stage #alien stage till #alien stage ivan #i think rather than the act of sacrificing himself its the acting of letting go of till that’s the most selfless thing ivan has ever done #i have more thoughts on this but more on that later #tl;dr ivan loves him so so much!!! #i don’t think he went into this thinking he’ll kill till but the thought definitely briefly crossed his mind #but love wins<3 doomed yaoi 4ever<3

[jedi-starbird]

A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:

Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."

Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)

"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."

"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."

Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'

"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"

"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."

He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."

"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"

As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.

"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."

"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."

"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."

I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.

Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.

I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.

Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.

Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)

Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!

Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.

#yes i will put jedi on social media into everything #i think early 20s menace obi wan with equally menace cody is so good #cody looks at this ginger twink and is like oh theres definitely something wrong with him but he amuses me so hes allowed to stay #cody: obi wan has 57 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces how can i not fuck him? #star wars #obi wan kenobi #feemor #codywan #commander cody #feemor and obi wan #jedi order #disaster lineage #star wars fic

[kiddokori]

his ass is NOT getting up for his 8am lecture

#skyward sword #loz #loz fanart #sksw link #sksw zelda #sksw fi #ill always come back to link ill never be free of him #i kinda wanted zelda to study history too because shes really into the history of skyloft/legends/etc in game #but maybe that can be a hobby maybe shes more into folktales and mythology than history #i also considered some type of math/stem for fi but idk history/linguistics fits her designed purpose of being a sortof messenger more #i think shes real good with numbers tho maybe she does math tutoring on the side #why are campus stairs always so fucking long theyre such a weird length you gotta fucking lunge every step #and doing that w a giant ass backpack and an artbag and a fucking can of gesso #in the summer. torture i think they were just trying to weed us out #you think art students have any core strength #thats why links so ripped he has to haul all that shit around all day #he definitely lives in a co ed dorm w zelda and they have the most fucked up evil (remlit) dorm cat #groose is there too i just dont have him pinned down sorry buddy #kiddokori

[introspectivememories]

me after scrolling through the strollonso tag for like 5 hours straight

#he definitely fucked that old man #i can't believe i've never seen the potential #mainly bc i really have no interest in lance stroll but im slowly starting to come around #pussy so good it has interpol's most wanted fernando alonso wrapped around your finger is crazyyy #also they're just cute together #'you're my fuckin hero'.... yeah they're fucking nasty #lance stroll #fernando alonso #strollonso #f1

[dunmeshiminimumwage]

back when i worked at [large chain coffee store], i tried to unionize my workplace. my manager sat me down and gave me a very guilt trip-y talk. lots of "but i thought we were a family :(" and "you don't *really* know what unionization does, do you?" i played dumb and managed to avoid being fired, but. chilchuck momence.

#mod chilchuck #i will say: i feel like chilchuck would be more adamant about forming a union given that he actually has done it #like. he has definitely received pushback for trying to form a union. even from other halflings (mickbell). #and i feel like he would know how to deal with it. #not to say that you didnt deal with your situation well. just that he had different priorities and wasnt at as much riskof losing his job(s) #given that he wasnt dealing with the fucked up job market we have right now. in which its dominated by very few companies. #diferent people are in different situations and sometimes you have to pick and choose you battles #which is why unionizing is so important. bc you dont always have to put yourself at risk to get better conditions #often times unions will have people who work the picket lines and lobbying etc. for better conditions. #working together makes us stronger. its not an individual's fight. its for all of us. #n e ways... that was long. #also. sorry for the late response to the ask. we (the blog) decided that it would be most fitting if i aswered this one. #and i was struggling to come up with a response. #(and having a severe episode of hypochondria) #dungeon meshi #chillchuck #laios #marcille #izutsumi

[clownprince]

i truly thought it couldn't get more insane than the last snyder interview segment i posted but he's proven me wrong once again. what the actual fuck

(source)

#if he was trying to make it a no homo thing with the whole “people mistake it for literal love” he failed MISERABLY #bc like. “it transcends the kind of definition for love that we have” #“religious and unequaled kind of devotion to someone else where you'll do anything it takes to make them a better version of themselves” #“he loves living in service of batman that way he loves being the thing that he thinks the city has made him into for batman” #yeah it would've been significantly LESS homoerotic to just say “joker wants batman to fuck him raw” #also. “i am the crazy girlfriend you love the most” #SNYDER. YOU CANT JSUT FUCKKIGN #AUAUUUUUUUU #i know this has some problematic implications all of dotf and endgame do lmfao but like. bro #batjokes #snyder you're going to be the fucking death of me #i have. a bunch of interview snippets i'm saving for. a bigger post #but this one and the last one were just. too fucking crazy #couldn't resist

[ashes-in-a-jar]

My feeling right now about the cast

#in some capacity #they all know something fucked up #but sam knows in the most clueless way #breaking it down. sam has seen shit he about the magnus institute he wants to understand because it haunts him #alice knows much more than she lets on. shes seen something within the government's office that fucked her up. #maybe one of her previous coworkers who got fucked up? maybe shes an insider for the group who has the man in black? hmmmm #lena is boss lady probably starkwall related. working beyond her work description. regarding cover ups? #gwen saw stuff her family was privvy to one way or another and wants that power #colin knows about the recordings. saw somw lines if code in the system that fucked him up. ate some keyboards at work idk #and celia? oh boy celia definitely works for aomething pn the putside and infiltrated the govt to gwt some inside stuff. #shes seen and knows it all... whether from tapes or its her she knows about the multiverse #tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers

[restistance]

Hannibal season three is making enemies out of my mother and I - she grows ever angrier at Hannibal (unfeeling psychopath incapable of love according to her) and is the most rampant Will Graham apologist you will ever meet; she is convinced that Will has not been accountable for his actions since meeting Hannibal, that he’s been brainwashed and basically forced to act as he does, and is in actuality an innocent victim 😭 every time we try talking about any of this, both of us get sulky lol

#truly this is the most tense we have ever been when watching something #i have put aside any and all morality and ethics for this show #they’re both pretty fucked up #but not incapable of emotions like my mother claims??? #have you seen the homosexual sulking hannibal has been doing for the past four episodes at least?? #he’s done all but said i love you will #and will is not the innocent puppy dog hugh dancy makes the viewer believe #though he does look like an innocent puppy dog tbh #he most definitely is not #hannibal nbc #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #secondo #antipasto #primavera #apertivo #contorno #dolce

[avspol]

occassionally i see people interpret polnareff as insecure..... dude he's arrogant as hell. none of that's a facade. he has brief moments of insecurity i imagine (points. hopeless romantic ) but for most part he just goes through life confidentially (incorrectly) believing that everyone thinks he's Attractive and Interesting and is In Love with him . he sucks

#he is NOT insecure about his appearance have you seeeen the show . #avdol i think is a very differentn story however. #this isnt to say polnareff has NO insecurities because the whole “everyone i love dies” is definitely enough to fuck up ones sense of self #but more. for the most part. his confidence is not an act he is just very self importantb. #izzy.txt

[evilkitten3]

team minato modern middle school au where kakashi is the annoying genius who skipped like two grades, rin somehow lives in a hospital (no one's sure which nurse/doctor is her parent but. it's one of them. right? it's gotta be. no way did a bunch of worked-half-to-death medical staff accidentally adopt a baby someone forgot about. definitely one of them is her parent. her birth certificate is around here somewhere i'm sure look i'll get back to you once my shift ends in six hours), and obito is the class clown who lives with his awful anarchist stoner grandpa and calls his house "the cave"

minato is a former student of kakashi's dad's friend and he's their carpool driver bc no way in hell would that man be allowed to teach in real life

#naruto #naruto shippuden #team minato #team seven #hatake kakashi #nohara rin #uchiha obito #uchiha madara #namikaze minato #hatake sakumo #jiraiya #nobody knows who kakashi's mother is. his dad isn't sure he has one. he doesn't know where the kid came from but. the dna tests are clear #obito thinks it's the science teacher. y'know the one with like a bajillion different weird animals. only in this case they are all snakes #kakashi thinks that's dumb bc mr orochimaru is definitely a man probably #also bc when he asked he just got creepy laughter and a lecture on how to clone humans #i'm not kidding about rin btw no one at the hospital has any fucking clue where she came from #none of them are going to be the first to admit it tho #they tried to run a paternity test for her but the only match in their system was a man named nohara isobu. who's been mia for like 30 year #and yes being raised by an ever-changing stream of people none of whom had enough time for her did mess rin up a bit #on the bright side. she is easily the most medically proficient seventh grader in the history of anything ever #and she'll have recommendations for days when she applies to medical school #gai and his dad are also there but they're pretty much the same

[ex0rin]

Frank Grillo | Fightworld Thailand: Fortunate Son

#i think this show might be altering my brain chemistry #frank grillo #fightworld #fightworld (2018) #cara gifs #frank grillo tag #this is most definitely a thirst post #honestly how dare he look this good #jesuschrist frank #i've never wanted to be punched in the face more in my life #the whole soaked in sweat and smiling thing has captivated me #also that tongue holy fuck #i might never be the same #also like... #catch me signing up for more kickboxing classes #heads up: i'm gonna repost this one A LOT #pls just throw me down some stairs

[vivitalks]

more adhd jason grace or die by my sword

#jason grace #heroes of olympus #pjo #riordanverse #is he a strong leader. yes. is he the most forgetful man you ever met. also yes #could he kill you with a lightning strike. yes. does he often get lost in his activity du jour and forget to sleep. ALSO YES #stuff #also side note - more dyslexic jason specifically struggling at chb #where everything is labeled in ancient greek for the greek demigods' ease of comprehension #this is a fic waiting to happen but like #jason being completely lost with every sign around camp because his latin wired brain can't read that shit #he doesnt say anything because he's like 'im the guest here i should just learn ancient greek' #easier said than done his brain Rebels against learning it he tries but none of it seems to stick #until someone notices how jason will just blank-stare the sign posted on the armory door that says 'closed for cleaning' #and it's written in english too but that doesn't help jason he's almost as bad at reading in english as he is in ancient greek #so he DEFINITELY cant read the smaller print that says 'do not enter under threat of being eaten by cleaning harpies' #and our man just walks right in and almost gets eaten lmao #and then nico or someone is like. hmm. has anyone considered that this roman dyslexic demigod just cant fucking read ancient greek lmao #cue a campwide project to add latin to all the signs #these tags are a runaway train i just want more adhd dyslexic jason grace that's all

[anaid-queen]

ok so

there's a million things to talk about in Blitzo's calendar

like the fact that he's still taking riding lessons ?? (i mean good for him!), his use of emojis, his drawing style (that isn't even just one style but, i suspect, just him trying his best at any point and that's it, we all should aspire to that tbh), him trying (failing?) to have specific "fuck days", who wrote (and/or who crossed out ?) "I ❤ Moxxie" on the right because that seems sus in every way, that tree (??), and of course, his dedication to having The Talk with Loona (by which i mean he procrastinated it for more than a week which is insanely relatable)

[i'd also talk about his full moon drawing but i'm already planning another post that will touch upon that so i'm leaving it out here]

but there is one thing in particular i am very curious about

and that is that "horse" (i assume it's supposed to be one bc 90% of all that he draws are dicks or horses (add guns and you'd have Blitzo in a nutshell but i digress)) in the bottom left corner

like....... is that supposed to be Stolas????

i mean. long neck? check. top hat? check. creepy mouth beak mouth? check. stars above him?? check.

like. like. fellas is it gay romantic hopeless casually transactional to draw your transactional fuckbuddy as something that's (to you) sacred / godly / perfect in every way??? like hello -

#sorry this post has definitely been made i know i'm super late to this fandom but FUCK IT. that drawing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm????? #stolitz #helluva boss #i'm so ready to let this show destroy me in the best way #Stolas' love for Blitzo is utterly obvious and only becoming more so and i love it to heaven and back but #searching for all the LITTLE CLUES how Blitzo feels (no matter how much he denies it - to himself most of all)??? #aaaaaaaaAAAHH I CANNOT STOP!!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

If you kill off Barnaby in the lights out au I WILL cry-

oh. no lmao Barnaby is safe! he makes it 100% No Question about that

#but! i will make sure hes Not happy about it! for a looooong while at least #ive said it before and ill say it again! #i need him alive to experience prolonged emotional torment! #hes one of my favs and so i will use him as a chew toy #at least he has his emotional support caterpillar. probably. maybe #like i mentioned im Reworking Some Things #so howdy's on thin fucking ice... #and im holding a hammer <3 #wh lights out au #rambles from the bog #lets see. who's definitely safe (from death)... #barnaby. sally. mmm... yeah that's it. those are the only guaranteed 'They Wont Die Ever' neighbors #im not gonna kill half the neighborhood #and im Definitely not gonna kill off most of em #and barnaby is exempt from both!! yippee yahoo!!!