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letterforyou1984 · 11 days

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Becky,

Im calling you Becky because I know how much you hate it. You died about seven years ago. I know it was after mom died, but I couldn’t give two shit about remembering anything more than that. You were a horrible, disgusting, and hateful person. The world is better off without you in it. It would have been better for everyone if you ceased to exist 40 years ago.

I have never met anyone as selfish, vindictive, and narcissistic as you. You would throw a toddler sized fit anytime the attention wasn’t on you and be damned anyone who didn’t agree with you.

I blocked out a lot of my interactions with you, but my earliest memory involving you was when I was around 10 years old and we were in Atlanta visiting Peg. You took my brother and I to run some errands and our dad gave us a couple of bucks to get snacks while we were out. We stopped at the grocery store and my brother and I were looking at candy by the register. You started demanding we use our money to buy something for you. I said no, that our dad gave us the money for ourselves and you had your own money. You started yelling about how we owed you for letting us come with you. I don’t remember the drive back to Pegs, but I remember hiding in the spare room between the bed and wall to eat my snack. You came in the room, closed the door, and stood there screaming at me about how selfish I was. My dad heard your screaming and burst into the room, told me to leave the room, closed the door behind me, went off on you, and a bit later you came out of the room crying. You left me alone the rest of the trip, but would say things under your breath any time I walked past you.

You always had something to say about my hair, my clothes, my weight, and they were always as mean and as hurtful as you could make them. Just being in the same room as me seemed to piss you off. But then for birthdays and Christmas’s you always had a handmade gift for me.

My next memory of you was in April 2005 when Peg died. You had flown home from whatever state you were living in at the time and stated demanding things of Pegs that you felt entitled to. You wanted her bed, but when you found out mom, Lea, and Lex had already decided the bed was going to be mine, you threw a fit and started yelling about how I didn’t need or deserve the b d. Something about Peg not liking me and she would have been so angry knowing the bed was going to be mine. The next day mom got a call about cops being at Pegs apartment, so we rushed over there to find you in handcuffs. I burst into laughter and mom went into big sister mode. After talked to everyone she came back over to where I was and told me it was all over a stupid flag Peg had. All three of you (Lea and Lex being the other two) wanted the flag, but your dumbass decided to try and fight Lea and Lex to get it and you shoved Lex into a bookcase so hard she hit her head. So Lea called the cops on you. Even the cop was pissed at you. They told mom he never wanted to hit someone as much as he wanted to hit you. That you wouldn’t stop yelling and crying trying to play the victim. He was actually disappointed that mom had talked Lex into not pressing charges on you, so he had to let you go. You left after the funeral, but not before you stole the urn with Pegs ashes in it.

I had very minimal contact with you until five years later. You were calling and talking to mom more frequently and kept asking mom to get me to talk to you. I refused for a while and I wish I had stuck to my guns on it. I was stupid and started talking to you a little. You (somehow) managers to get me to believe that you had changed and had been in therapy for a while, that you wanted to fix our relationship. I was so naïve that I believed you.

When I was trying to leave an abusive boyfriend you and mom talking me into moving to Arizona. To live with you, get back in my feet; go to college, start fresh. I agreed and moved out there at the end of August 2005. I got ONE good day with you and then 12 months of pure hell.

My second day there you got mad at me and threatened to kick me out, saying you didn’t care that you were the only one I knew in the entire state and laughed at me for not having a way home. You even locked me out of the house until I called mom and told her what you did. She then called you and made you let me back in the house. The abuse from you never stoped. It was every fucking day.

You would make fun of my weight (we wore the same size asshole). You would act like every step I took was causing an earthquake. You told me I was a horrible mom, was going to fuck yo my kid, and that you were going to petition for custody. I never knew what was going to set you off. One day I closed the door harder than you liked and that resulted in you following me through the house hurling insults at me. You even tried to force your way into my room. I had to lean against it with all my weight so you couldn’t get in.

You wanted me to get a part time job to “help out” with bills, but then refused to give me a ride to work if I made you mad. I later found out that you were essentially living in the house rent free because the landlord felt sorry for you. You stole money from me every time I got paid. When your car got repossessed you blamed it on me. You threw a board game across the room because you were losing. You threw a fit because I ate the last slice of pizza, screaming that you’re not allowed to eat and everyone was starving you. If you weren’t following me to yell at me you would be standing so close to me that I was getting spit on my face from your screaming. There was a day where you had been coming at me for hours and I couldn’t get away from you. I refused to give you the satisfaction of hitting you, so I kicked the dishwasher and accidentally broke two glass cups. You called the cops on me and laid it on so thick trying to get me arrested.

You had my mom convinced that I was being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. It wasn’t u til she and my daughter moved in four months after I did that she finally believed me. You were on your best behavior for 48 hours and turned demonic again. You had two more victims and one of them being an innocent 5 1/2 year old kid. You tried to control everything she did and would go ballistic when I would step in and put a stop to it.

For Christmas you got so upset with my daughter because she said she didn’t like something you got her, so you ripped it out of her hands. Then you started storming through the house, grabbing every gift you had hidden for her, and throwing it in a trash bag, all while screaming Christmas was cancelled because she was an ungrateful little brat and it was all my fault.

You had friends over for Easter and my daughter said something about not wanting to do an egg hunt. You got so angry with her you told your friends they needed to leave because she “just ruined Easter” by embarrassing you. You then proceeded to tell her she was grounded for a week. When my mom and I said she wasn’t you started yelling about how I was a bitch, she was spoiled, and could get away with murder.

One day when all of us were out and about you were sitting in the backseat with my daughter, you slapped her bare leg for saying the car was her Mamaws and not yours after she heard you make a comment about needing “your” car the next day. I heard the slap and it took every ounce of self control I had to not pull over on the side of the highway and leave you there. It was 115° and we were still a 20 minute drive away from the house.

My breaking point was when you got jealous that the three of us went out for the day without you, you you turned the ac off and left all the windows open all day to get the house as uncomfortably hot as you could. Mom had asthma and couldn’t breathe, so I turned the ac on while mom started closing windows. You stormed out of your room, stomping your feet the whole way, and turned the ac off and went behind mom opening the windows back up. All while screaming how we left you out of the trip on purpose and we should have woken you up since you were asleep when we left. Couldn’t believe the audacity we had going out without you. I turned the ac back on and you came running to turn it off again. You walked away and I turned the ac back on and went in my room. My daughter had gone into the bathroom, which was across from my room and right next to the thermostat. You came back to turn it back off, mom came and turned it back on. Mom walked away and you turned it back off and stood there with your hands over it. Mom walked back over, tried to move your hands, and you hip checked her so hard she stumbled backwards 10 feet and fell flat on her back. My kid witnessed the entire thing from the bathroom. I ran to check on mom, screamed that your ass was going to jail while I called the cops, grabbed my kid and ran her over to the neighbors. Thanks to AZ laws they would have had CPS take her if she was in the house when the cops got there for being in an unsafe house. Mom was taken to the hospital and you were arrested. As the cops were cuffing you you were sobbing and pleading with them to not arrest you and trying to convince them I was going to kill your dogs as soon as you were gone.

While at the hospital they helped us find a DV shelter to go to the next day. So we went home and started throwing all of our belongings into my room since it had a lock, to try and keep it safe until we could get a storage unit. As we were frantically packing everything up we noticed all of moms insulin was no longer in the fridge where it belonged. After an hour of searching where you could have hid it I found it in your bathroom, under the sink, and behind a bunch of stuff. The next morning as we were packing up the car you got dropped off my an officer after being released from jail. We didn’t notice you sneak in the house and start stealing things we hadn’t packed up yet. Anything that was worth money or you knew was sentimental to us. I started noticing things were going missing from the trunk of the car and found you hiding in the laundry room. You started laughing that you took the car keys and we couldn’t leave without them. You then locked the doors of the just and said we couldn’t leave, that if we left you would call the cops and tell them we were illegally driving with expired tags. So I called the cops instead. When the cops got there and heard from everyone they started going off on you, telling you that they could arrest you for kidnapping by stealing our car keys, locking the doors, and refusing to let us leave. You started going on and on about our expired tags and the officer said “I could not give two shits about their tabs being expired. They are fleeing for their safety, from you, and I will call every cop between here and where they are going to tell them to ignore the car when they see it.”

While we were gone you convinced all your friends and the neighbors that you were the victim and we were your abusers. You broke down the door to my bedroom and went through all of our stuff and stole even more things. You then hid all of our important papers. When it was time for court, even though it was between you and mom, your only focus was to make me look bad and get the judge to believe you were the real victim. Thankfully the judge saw through your shit and told you to stick to the agenda of the hearing or they were going to throw the book at you and give you the harshest punishment allowed.

You then spent the next YEAR trying to get our friends and family to find out where we were and to tell you when they found out. You found out when each of us moved back to Ohio and kept trying to get our addresses. You even went through our friends lists to message everyone asking for information on us.

But, thank the gods, and thanks to you always refusing to see a doctor, your body became filled with cancer and you died.

I fucking hate you and now you’re finally fucking dead.

May you be beaten and tormented by demons for all of eternity.

#healing #therapy #journal #mentalhealth #family

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astroyongie · 2 years

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Cix red flags, pls! 🙇‍♀️ Thank you!

CIX Red Flags

Note: please remember this is simply based on their astrological charts !

Unstable emotional

Has mood swings

During an argument he has the tendency to play victim

To blame himself

And it’s impossible to make him see reality of things

He would also act selfish about certain things

Sometimes good emotions are so intense he might be aggressive

Or overall uncontrolled

In love his red flags are being emotionally distant

Has a hard time showing his feelings

Might cheat

Seunghun

On arguments he is exactly like BX

Meaning he always blames himself and plays victim

And gets so far up his lies and mind that he can’t accept things

Even if he knows he isn’t right.

He would act pouty and distant

Hold grudges

A little bit to mistrustful and jealous too

In love he often forgets about his partner

Selfish side

Demands a lot as well

Emotionally sensitive

A little bit manipulative as well

Yonghee

He puts his work before his relationship

And his projects and goals will always come first

Hard time showing love

Emotionally he is get sensitive as well

And he can get self destructive

Manipulative tendencies

During arguments he stays silent

He nods and don’t communicate

Usually brushes it off

But he also has anger issues

So that’s why he prefers not to say anything

And just walk away from things

Bae

You never know about him

Sometimes he acts like you are the best thing on his life

Other times he ignores you

The No in between is hard

Emotionally he can be very egocentric

He thinks a lot about his own emotions and not enough about yours

Despite his good heart, it’s him first

Dramatic. Like a lot

During arguments he is so stubborn

It’s impossible to make him change his opinion

He just doesn’t care

Extremely possessive on his relationships

And he likes to be taken care of but lacks initiatives to take care of his partner

Hyunsuk

Emotionally speaking he is complicated

Loves you but doesn’t shows it

And he only believes on his own emotions

It’s hard to get inside his head

During arguments he always changes versions

You might think he lies

Or that he is simply trying to please you

Plus he acts recklessly

As if he didn’t care at all

Takes too many risks with your relationships without asking you first

As a lover he often thinks about himself more than about his partner

Puts his needs first

Very demanding

#cix #cix astrology #cix reactions #cix headcanons #cix imagines #cix scenarios #cix BX #cix seunghun #cix bae jinyoung #cix yonghee #cix hyunsuk

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ecargmura · 1 month

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Dog Signal Episode 20 Review + Final Thoughts - His Most Important Family In The World

The finale of Dog Signal is here and I am crying. Not only am I shedding tears from the emotional moments, but also from the fact the show ended. I did not expect this super obscure anime to become an instant top 10 anime of all time for me, but it did. I’m amazed.

Miyu reflects on his behavior towards Singe. He tells Niwa that he hated how his mother treated him in his childhood, yet he did the same thing with his dog. He also tells him that he worked hard for his family, but given that he was the breadwinner of his family, he felt like he had no purpose for existing until he met Singe. I feel really bad for Miyu because he was a victim of parentification. It also makes me hate his mom a lot too. Like, the audacity of her going to Proud Dog and attempting to bribe and demand Niwa into raising Miyu’s salary so that he could bring some home. What’s crazy is that this actually does happen in real life, especially in Asian culture. Sometimes, there are parents out there that will go to their adult child’s workplace and demand to give them a raise or better treatment. While some do it for their child’s benefit, some do it for their own selfish intentions. I’m glad that Niwa didn’t back down and chased her out with his bluntness. He may be cold and blunt, but at least he’s doing a good job of trying to get Miyu to stand on his own two feet and not coddle him all the time. He’s like a strict older brother towards him. Ritsuka says it best with how he’s always doing things for others, but never himself—as if he always puts himself last in order to appease others.

The fact that Miyu realizes his mistakes and goes to see Singe was super emotional (You can watch the clip by clicking the link). He believed he betrayed Singe, but when Niwa showed him that his dog is waiting for him, he rushed out and reunited with him. The way the opening song started playing during that moment made me cry. I am a huge sucker for dog stories and this is no exception. The way Singe still loves Miyu despite making him upset with his sudden change in behavior shows how unconditional a dog’s love is. I love that Singe is the reason why Miyu feels like he has purpose now. He starts from zero as he decides to become a dog training student once again. The ending seems to state that he’s both a dog trainer and a student. It’s nice that some clients like Eguchi, Miyake and Kadota want Miyu to still be an intern dog trainer as they think he’s a valuable asset. He is! If not for Miyu, Niwa wouldn’t get customers. Miyu is very important to Proud Dog!

The post-credit ending was super sweet. Since the manga is still on-going, the author Saya Miyauchi said on her Twitter that she wrote an anime-original ending, which is this. I do like seeing most of the Proud Dog clients gathering to go to the dog park accompanied by Ritsuka and Ema. We also see Shikishima and her dog Shizu passing by as well as Oyamada with Ribbon at the vet with Dr. Kubo. It’s so nice to see everyone having a fun time with their dogs. There’s also a little boy who’s interested in dogs but never touched one. I think he’s a manga character who appears later on, but I think the author inserted him into this ending for the heck of it. Hey, more dog lovers means more cuteness.

Final Thoughts

It’s unfortunate that this anime ended in 20 episodes, but it was the best thing I’ve watched in a long time. Like I said, it’s seriously a Top 10 anime of all time for me. Perhaps I’m just biased due to me being a dog lover.

The story is really good as it’s a simple one about bonding with an abandoned dog, but it’s also learning more about why dogs behave this way and why it’s mainly the owners’ fault for doing so. It’s very educational as it explains about dog behavior and actions very thoroughly. Since Miyauchi was originally a dog groomer before becoming a manga author, I can tell her knowledge for dog training is genuine. She even went out of her way to write her story in a way that the dogs actually behave like dogs and not personified versions usually seen in fictional media.

The characters are great. Miyu is a great protagonist as he is the inexperienced guy learning from the expert Niwa. He learns about all sorts of issues dogs can have when with problematic owners. Despite that, they have their own personalities and don’t feel too one-note. Ritsuka and Dr. Kubo are also good characters in their own right as they care about dogs and have unique personalities. All the clients and their dogs are very interesting because they all have names and different personalities as well as different dog breeds. I think that each issue each client brings is super interesting as it’s not always the same issue.

I think the opening and endings were adorable as heck. The dogs in the ending are actually the author’s. Her smaller poodle passed away last year, unfortunately, but she still has her standard poodle. They show up often on her social media account. The songs are addicting. I quite like listening to the opening whenever it starts!

The voice acting was superb! They got a cast of amazing voice actors from the main cast to the guest cast! I loved Suzumura’s performance in Episode 7 where he was going off on Fujiwara. Kensho Ono as Miyu was perfect as he did a great job of doing the boisterous side and the sweet sides. Yuko Kaida as Ritsuka was amazing, especially during Episode 17. I personally enjoyed KENN’s performance as Dr. Kubo because his debut episode made his character so kooky that it was hilarious. I do have to applaud the voice actors for the dogs! Anna Mugiho and Kenichiro Matsuda did amazing jobs as Singe and Ourson and other dogs in the show! I love that they actually make dog noises and not use the onomatopoeia words.

I think the biggest issue of this anime is the animation. Studio Fugaku is a relatively new studio and Dog Signal is one of their first anime adaptations. Some scenes in some episodes look rather off-putting, but I feel like it’s more budget issues? Despite the gripes, they did a good job with animating the dogs and the characters’ expressions.

Overall, this anime is super underrated and if I am able to grab a hold of the manga, I’ll buy the manga too. I think that anyone who likes dogs should give this a chance as it’s a lot better than you’d expect. It’s definitely a 9/10 anime for me.

#dog signal #Miyu samura #singe #Shinichiro niwa #ourson #Ritsuka Izumi #Suzunosuke Kubo #review #anime #anime review #ecargmura #arum journal #final thoughts

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rubbcrhosemoved · 10 months

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BARBIE WIRE

Name: Barbie Wire, Barb, Barbie, Barbie Doll Occupation: N.E.E.T. (currently), Drug lord (formerly), St. An's Hospital pharmacist (incognito), Circus performer (formerly) Location: Hell, Sloth Ring Age: Unknown (Appears to be early 30’s in Imp years) Species: Imp Gender: Female Height: 6'9” Family: Cash Buckzo (father), Unnamed mother, Blitzo (twin; brother), Loona (adoptive niece), Fizzarolli (friend) Voice Claim: Jinhee Joung

PERSONALITY

Small Disclaimer: The following is entirely canon divergent until I learn more about Fizzarolli and the show he’s from and or lore. Depending on what happens, this information may be subject to change but unlikely.

Barbie Wire is an egotistical, narcissistic, and manipulative woman. These are aspects that she’s learned over the years thanks to the upbringing of Cash, her father. Of course she wasn’t always like this. When she was younger she was a rather energic child, tending to lean more on the tomboy side of things considering she would play with both Blitzo, her brother, and Fizzarolli. Just like Blitzo she was forced to steal and take advantage of others for personal gain. At first she didn’t want to but over time she became more accepting of these things and even seem to enjoy it. It’s not much of a surprise that she started to do drugs and more self-destructive things when she grew to be a teenager. She went overboard one day and almost overdosed, but managed to survive. It was then she decided to go to rehab especially after everything that had happen between herself, Blitz and Fizzarolli. Once she got out, she decided to try and make a namesake for herself and cut Blitz out of her life for good.

She’s very quick to anger and tends to take her frustrations out in a violent manner, usually on things or others. She can have a bit of a temper and is rude, moreso just to keep others from getting too close and comfortable with her. Very much like her brother, she has very arrogant, selfish, dependent and demanding traits, and is easily triggered when things don't go her way. It annoys her sometimes especially when others compare her to Blitz. She doesn’t want to be like him or have anything to do with him anymore.

She is also cunning and seems to have a low opinion of humans, considering them to be easy to manipulate, as she can easily use her seductive feminine charms to woo her victims into doing her bidding. She seemingly seems content with how things are for her but deep down she knows that the destructive things she does isn’t good for her. Once it becomes a habit though, it is hard to stop.

#HEADCANON ➡#BARBIE WIRE ➡ Get my pretty name out of your mouth #I'll write her about and such later #I'm tired but also not tired

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lanaroslin · 8 months

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9 Life Lessons from Ayn Rand

Ayn Rand - American writer and philosopher. The founder of the philosophical system called "objectivism". She is known as the author of "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged".

Use reason in everything. "There are no evil thoughts except one; the refusal to think". One of the main pillars of objectivism is absolute reason. Just wishing for something to happen is not enough. Stop following such superstitions (religions, other unfounded beliefs) would make your life simpler, more rooted in reality and more successful.

Be selfish. "Man - every man - is an end in himself, not a means to the ends of others". There is no contradiction between following your interests and helping others. The problem is that we often act against our own interests and wishes. Stop sacrificing yourself for others if those activities are of no benefit for you; if you don't fell any pleasure in doing them.

Follow your own values. "Value presupposes a standard, a purpose and the necessity of action in the face of an alternative". Rational selfishness = your main duty should be towards yourself. The duty of a man is to do what he wishes as long as his wish does not depend primarily on other men; don't limit the freedom of others. You should not be condemned if you do nothing; you are not morally obliged in any way to save them. Whatever your moral values are, follow them in anything you do even when it is not always in your immediate self interest.

Don't play the victim. "Evil requires the sanction of the victim". You cannot demand others to give up their lives to make you happy; nor should one wish to sacrifice one's self for the happiness of others. It makes no sense to play victim to denigrate yourself on order to gain sympathy or love from others. What we expect from others influences how others respond to us. Don't stay stuck in a role given by others; don't offer the permission to anyone to make you feel isolated or feel like a victim.

Develop your self-esteem. The more we use reason in life, the more self-esteem we can have. When you don't have the courage to fight for what you want to achieve in life you will lose your self-esteem. First try building your confidence on rational grounds, by analyzing your skills first; accept yourself for who you are.

Be honest. "There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all". Honestly is the recognition of the fact that you cannot fake existence. To lie, in any form means to sell ourselves short. To avoid lying shouldn't be because you are afraid of punishment in the afterlife; it is so easy to lose ourselves, to sell ourselves. Our emotions are programmed by the way we reason, sometimes the way we reason is faulty = we need to analyze often the way we reason, the way we think. The white lie is a lie about a small or unimportant matter that someone tells to avoid hurting another person. Be honest and your life will become simpler, more authentic, the relationships with other people will improve.

Earn your money honourably. "The man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it". Ayn Rand viewed capitalism as the only political-economic system compatible with her philosophy; system based in respect for human beings as ends in themselves, not as means. Everyone should earn their money in an honorable way, we all need to give our moral respect to a society which was built across so many generations = work for companies and projects that we can be proud of, to pay our taxes and be a good citizens. Earn your money honorably and you will live an honorable life you can be proud of.

Never give up. "Don't even give up what you want in life. The struggle is worth it". We all have a hero inside us who is able to overcome any difficulty, we just have to trust that we can reach the world we desire through our own efforts. Think of the moment as a test that you need to pass.

Always keep growing. "What greater wealth is there than to own your life and to spend it on growing?". in order to avoid suffering in this constantly changing world, we need to constantly evolve, learn more about the right principles, upgrade our guidance system. We need to continue to grow in order to keep our mind and spirit fresh and healthy, and to fell that every day we are growing into better human beings.

youtube

#ayn rand #philosophy #Youtube

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aikoiya · 8 months

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So this is their profile. A TERF (You may know what that acronym means, but I don’t want to assume) is an acronym for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist. That, in my opinion, is nothing anyone with a mindful heart and compassion and empathy for people in general should ever strive to be. It’s not a nice thing to be, never has been.

Aikoiya: But, how do we know that they are explicitly transphobic & not just concerned for the erasure & marginalization of women? After all, have not women also been marginalized & oppressed? At what point does acceptance of others encroach upon one’s own rights?

I agree that the regular everyday trans individual should be treated with respect, but I also don’t believe that affirmation should come at the cost of other people’s safety or the erasure of their efforts. No matter what you do, there will always be rotten evil people out there in every category of people & safety should always come first. I’ve seen more supposedly trans individuals using such status to do some truly disgusting things than I want to believe.

There seems to be this general assumption that being trans somehow erases one’s biological sex or, at least, certain attributes of one’s biological sex. The truth of the matter is that it doesn’t. There will always be evidence of who they were & that’s true even of those not trans & simply wishing to live a new life. Some things just follow you forever & there’s nothing you can do about it. Should be simply ignore such things in regards to something that would be directly affected by them for the sake of feelings or should we treat the situation with nuance & care?

I, personally, think that there is an increasing issue in women’s sports of transwomen beating out biological women these days.

Consider Lia Thomas & Anne Andres.

https://www.outsports.com/trans/2022/3/1/22948400/transgender-trans-athlete-championship-national-world-title

However, I’ve heard little to no news of transmen demanding to be let into men’s spaces or to be a part of men’s sports. So why are transwoman so vocal about it?

For instance, take into account Quinn. Who is biologically female, but is both trans & non-binary, yet chooses to play on the women’s soccer team.

There’s also the issue of transwomen demanding to be put into women’s prisons. There have been claims of transwomen raping their inmates. Some even getting said victims pregnant. Should we still continue to allow transwomen into women’s prisons despite it possibly putting women in danger?

If so, then aren’t you putting the comfort of one criminal before the literal health & safety of another? And if you think these things aren’t happening, then you truly have an idealized idea of a singular group of individuals.

Just because someone is traumatized doesn’t mean they won’t visit similar trauma upon others. That’s the entire basic premise of abusive parenting, in that it is a cycle of pain that keeps going until someone decides to end it. Though, not everyone is going to decide to end it, some rather taking the easy route that makes them feel good in the moment.

Are trans individuals somehow immune to such tendencies simply by virtue of being trans?

Question is: Do you believe that being transgender automatically make someone incapable of any form of evil? Does it make them without any wickedness or selfishness or cruelty in their hearts simply because they are of a marginalized group?

For instance, Eli Erlick, has boasted openly, meaning that he admitted to it, about dealing cross-sex hormones, including puberty blockers, to kids. Yet, he has not been convicted. And if he were, do you suggest that he go to a male prison where there are convicted male rapists who would love nothing more than a new person to use however they wish, regardless of what his orientation is?

3 other questions: Do you believe there to be a biological difference between males & females? And if not, then why would people need to transition to begin with?

Also, do you consider gender a social construct & capable of change, while sex is biological & concrete, being incapable of true change? If so, why try to change something immutable for the sake of something mutable?

If you wish to hate & despise me for these thoughts, I will not blame you, but I try to see an argument from both sides & I can understand why some of the less radical of such individuals see things the way they do.

I only ask that you simply block me.

Just know that these thoughts do not come out of hatred, rather concern & a desire for safety for others.

#submission

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exploringme2022 · 11 months

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He is fucking lying peice of shit, he lies in every sentence to everyone, he potrays himself as a victim always literally always so everyone feels sorry for him, once again I got into same trap , even talking to him as stranger that he is the victim , everyone did wrong to him, he is very lonely and stuff, i start feeling sorry for him, like I did wrong to him, but the fact is he didn't realised his mistake a bit playing with 2 woman at a time, lying to 2 woman at a time, basically using 2 woman for his own thril, cheating on 2 women's, hurting me and started cheating on me in March, have no sympathy or empathy for me, whatever good i think of him is completely wrong, while he was feeling thrill he didn't have to hurt me, lie to me, or keep using me at my worst but he did, he didn't even keep my respect or dignity or consider me as human being, 5 years I was with him, and he didn't even care about me for a sec, he is fucking selfish person and always been, he always think of himself and has always been, why the fuck I have adjusted so much for him because I always felt sorry for the guy. He doesn't have money so can't go out, he doesn't want this so can't do this or that, why didn't I demand what I wanted... Well fuck off I was okay 😂😂, I was okay and alive without him and I will be okay and alive without him... But I will always regret that our paths has crossed and will always regret trusting you blindly, even though I told him i can't trust anyone again but he said he will never break my trust but he shattered, i regret trusting someone again, i don't care if someone loves me or not I need to find love within myself, I need to learn for not trusting anyone anymore or giving someone power to disturb my mental peace again, and I forgive myself for trusting him, or finding love where respect has not been served or the person who always lives in his past, and I don't want him anymore, first of all he didn't realised his mistake ulta he realised I don't deserve him😂😂, ok i seriously don't deserve this guy or any woman , who doesn't know how to respect woman, gf, sis or mother, second he still loves her like deep water as deep shit good for him he deserve e and he just did like and doesn't love me or miss me anymore and moved on, he still wants to spend time with her, well she is his karma, and he lives in past, he wants her more than me and he doesn't like to go out Netflix and chill or cooking at home, boring, no personal life, and he chooses pain over happiness and past over present... Bullshit, well he thought Anusha came to rescue but not again, because whoever comes in his life give him immense amount of love or anything he will die for that Randi only, so go deal with it , because this is the first someone showed you the mirror, and he thinks there are plenty of options out there easy to fall in love, then go find one or in your case go find someone ruin their life and again go fall in randi's trap or let someone use you... Well it was for fact that you don't deserve me and you never did, you don't deserve loyalty and honesty, you deserve a person who treats you like a shit.. good for you, and I am happy you are not part of my life anymore, talking to you as a stranger made me feel anxious, if I talk like shefali then i will have anxiety agains, i can't forget what I have been through, i accept all these things and let you go in peace,

I can't deny I loved you and cared for you, and you get what you deserve, and shall be able to pass this loneliness phase of yours, and I did what I had to do to save you from toxic situation that can cause your life, but you're life is not in my hand it's in hand of God, but I wish you to survive come out as stronger and good person and value what you have instead of running what is not worth your time and be happy and live your life again and be better version of yourself, i let you go in peace...and i wish our paths should never cross again, i hate it that someone whom I consider so much in my life and gave so much power turned out to be biggest lesson of my life..

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cheesywitcher · 1 year

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TW: Domestic violence.

Udalryk reminds me of a DV victim, someone who is constantly feeling guilt. Is demanded more of, more of, and if anything is done to try to remove that guilt, they are punished. Whether they did something bad or not, the abuser will use that against them. They will never let it go, they will always use it to drag them down.

THEN they will punish them for not doing the thing that was suggested in the first place. It’s truly a no win situation. I wish it was that easy to be tricked. Its interesting that even after Udalryk is free, he still feels empty. Because even DV victims can feel like that because that’s all they knew. Udalryk has felt this way for a long time. I wish it was that easy to trick an abuser away. Because abusers take everyone down with them. They will fight and fight. It’s nasty, they will drag you through the mud.

I’ve helped one friend, mainly gave him a soft landing after he got out of his bad relationship. He’s moving out next week. So I’m happy for that.

This is for my brother, he’s an antivaxxer, but the more and more I hear about it, I realize he’s stuck, he was told he couldn’t be selfish when not being able to go to see my other brother for one weekend. Dude works overnight (probably to get away from this, I know he’s no saint, but I think he feels stuck, and scared of what she’ll do) I know this type of abuser. I’ve been with someone like this too. He may believe the stuff about that antivax, he may not. But something about this feels wrong, and they used to be at everything, try to plan everything. Now they’re isolated, and she’s pulling him in. I have a plan, but it’s going to be tough.

Sorry for the rant, I do believe it, after playing this quest again, that’s how I see it now.

#Witcher 3 #Udalryk #domestic violence #TW #possesion #Cerys

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dathen · 3 years

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I know the show probably meant Annabelle’s assessment of Martin being manipulative to be taken at face value, but I have Very Strong Feelings about that kind of interpretation so am still clinging to my own.

Annabelle: You always managed to get what you wanted through shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.

But when did Martin “always get what he wanted”? Did he get the love of his mother, who never wanted to see his face even as she was dying? Did he get the respect of Jon (or any of the assistants, for that matter) in season 1 by playing up an awkward, stammering persona? Did he want Basira to write him off as “just uselessly standing around making tea”?

It’s kind of like Melanie’s “everyone keeps telling me I need to sympathize with Jon!!” rant--who is telling you that? Where are the examples?

What Martin did get was simply....not being noticed. A survival tactic. A very common survival tactic of chronic abuse victims like Martin. His s1-4 writing is some of my favorite of any character I’ve ever come across because of how precisely it mirrors someone who’s been raised in an abusive household and knows to avoid notice and keep his head down.

It’s a survival tactic that helped him with his mother, with Elias, and with Peter, but that worked against him in his interpersonal relationships. Jon started to notice Martin when Martin asserted himself and stopped taking Jon’s bullshit. People mainly took Martin seriously during his “go off” moments (for example, Tim following him into the tunnels). Every example we have of Martin actually getting something he wants with the people he actually likes involves him being blunt and direct. As the show continues and his character develops, he begins to assert himself more with those he cares about as a natural result of his growth.

But know what else is common for survivors of chronic abuse like Martin? The fear that your survival tactics make you manipulative, underhanded, and deceitful. This is an established psychological effect. You might grow up in a household where you don’t have the freedom to simply ask for something you need without being yelled at for being selfish, entitled, demanding. You come up with ways to hint at it, make the other person think it’s their idea to offer it. Then you head out into the world and interact with people who had the freedom to just say what they think, and realize they see you as passive-aggressive and sneaky. “Why don’t you just say what you think? Why don’t you just say what you need?” Because you’ve never had that luxury before, and it’s terrifying to try.

I choose to believe that it’s Martin’s fear of being manipulative towards people he cares about makes him appealing to the Web. We saw a glimpse of this fear in TMA 170, when confessing that he lied on his CV: “I mean I tried to be a good person, but we’re really up against it.” He feels like having to lie to survive makes him a bad person.

I would have loved if Annabelle had just flat-out said it was that fear that made Martin appealing, because the actual dialogue was frankly triggering, but why would she soothe a fear she finds so tasty? And of course Martin agrees, because it’s his fear in the first place. And then of course Elias had pulled the hackneyed old “you tricking me makes you the same as me” villain argument.

Unfortunately I feel it’s a bit too late for the show to contradict Annabelle on this, as much as I want it to. Maybe it was meant as a nod to the Web Martin theory without actually taking that direction, without considering the implications or build-up. Maybe it just has faith that we’ll read the three of them as unreliable narrators, not knowing how much of a long-running trope this is. I’m not holding my breath, but they can pry this interpretation from my cold dead hands.

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma spoilers #tma meta #abuse mention #I no longer write real meta it's all 'I know I'm wrong but I'm saying it anyway' from here on out

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rose-coloured-angel · 3 years

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Rewatching Steven Universe. Already commented my theory on a TikTok vid but might as well post it here.

Each of the Diamonds represent a different form of abuse.

Blue is emotional abuse (guilt tripping, crying to make others feel bad, making others cry, demanding apologies for "wrong" behaviour). This is emphasized by her powers, which are literally used to make others cry and feel as bad as she does.

Yellow is physical abuse (hitting, grabbing). This is pretty self evident, but definitely emphasized by her powers, which injure a gem to the point of poofing them. She is also the more violent/militant of the Diamonds.

White is mental abuse. This is often confused with emotional abuse, but is different. While emotional abuse can be manipulating someone's emotions, or guilt tripping, or making someone cry, mental abuse is abuse of the mental state. Gaslighting, playing mind games, manipulation. This is shown when White Diamond talks down to Steven (or "Pink") and accuses him of being selfish and manipulating people. She claims he is so good at it that he is somehow fooling himself, which is total garbage, but a mental abuser does that. They will convince you through mental manipulation that you are the bad guy.

Pink can represent a lot of things. Trauma, the result of abuse on a victim, generational trauma (she passed down her problems to Steven, without even meaning to). If she herself represents a form of a abuse, it may be neglect or abandonment. Neglect makes little sense, as she was shown as Rose Quartz to be a nurturing being (at least to plants and animals), but she was neglectful towards Volleyball (her pearl) and Spinel. She also abandoned Spinel, and some may argue she abandoned the other CG, Greg, and Steven (I would argue otherwise but that's just me).

Anyways, this was just an observational rant that probably no-one cares about in the year of our lord 2021, but i always think about it when i watch this show.

#steven universe #steven universe theory #diamonds #pink diamond #white diamond #yellow diamond #blue diamond #abuse mention #tw

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ficforthought · 3 years

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On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

#ficforthought speaks #sorry not sorry #i spent way too long on this #purging the poison

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wlw-lovestruck-fiction · 3 years

Note

A FMC x Lavinia hurt/comfort fic, where Lavinia comforts FMC or the other way around. I feel really lonely currently.. I'm going through a tough time and I kind of crave some comfort :/ Thank you and sorry for bothering you. Take care :3

Written by @blue-is-the-coolest-color

It felt good to be in the camper again. Between fluffy blankets and surrounded by random books Lavinia has picked up from libraries or bookstores that have interested her. It’s a strange collection, fairy tales and fiction, a few vegetarian cookbooks scattered about the small kitchen area, a few books about animals or fauna. A collection to capture Lavinia’s curiosities of this world.

Speak of the devil. Annisa had to move her arm quickly as the taller woman shifted next to her until she managed to snuggle up close against her, wrapping her arms around Annisa and placing her head on her chest. Annisa rolled her eyes affectionately as she put down the book she had been flipping through in favor of running her hands through Lavinia’s hair.

“You’re very affectionate tonight,” Annisa pointed out, though she really couldn’t blame Lavinia for a bit of clinginess. It had been weeks since they had been able to have a moment alone, but she could tell the ordeal with Rapunzel had caused something short of frustration to play on Lavinia. The girl was distant since she arrived at the camper, deep in thought at moments with her brows furrowed together and lips tight. Annisa had played it off as exhaustion after everything, but now she was a bit more worried as she felt Lavinia cuddle as close as possible.

“Thinking.”

“Ever articulate.”

Annisa teased as she started rubbing circles into Lavinia’s shoulder blades. Soothing the tension that stuck there and causing a soft sound very reminiscent of a purr to leave Lavinia’s lips. The two stayed like that for a moment before Lavinia gently pushed away until she was on her elbows hovering closely. Annisa could see the confusion and frustration in the other woman’s eyes as she waited patiently to see if Lavinia would deflect or if she would say what had been haunting her for the last hour and a half.

“Ranpuzel has killed innocent witches. Simply for being witches, and she wanted to kill me regardless of what it would do to the people of my kingdom. She even threatened the witchling, and yet-” Lavinia’s eyes narrowed slightly in a brief glare as if the reasoning of it pissed her off, “and your friends are really going to let all that go? Even though she’s proud of those she’s slain.”

Annisa listened patiently, not commenting as she felt Lavinia’s arms tense and relaxed with the statements, as if Lavinia was trying to keep from letting the anger consume her more than it has.

“We are not unalike.”

Lavinia admitted reluctantly, as if the statement was acid in her throat.

“We both grew up in less than ideal situations, used or thrown away, isolated, forced to struggle for years. We crawled out of it in different ways, killed people, did horrible things in the name of our own selfish justice or reasoned it in whatever way. We both-”

Lavinia trailed off hard and Annisa had to fight the urge to brush the long silver hair out of her face as it slipped from her shoulders. There’s a pain in Lavinia’s voice, on that Annisa hadn’t heard too often from the other girl before.

“Gothel,” Lavinia tried to articulate what she wanted to say, but it’s choked and Annisa feels her heart break at the sound.

“Lavinia,” Annisa pushed herself up a bit as Lavinia hastily rubbed at her eyes and tried to go back to how she was laying.

“Forget it, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not,” Annisa argued as she let her hands move to Lavinia’s face, trying to get the woman to look at her, “it’s hurting you, so it’s not nothing.”

Lavinia looked away, a bit of shame crossing her face.

“I was once a student of Gothel. There was a time, back when I was young, that I wanted to be strong and feared like her. Because then maybe I could hold on to the things that mattered to me, then maybe-” Lavinia’s eyes darkened and she tried to turn her head as to no look into Annisa’s eyes, but Annisa still saw the tears the threatened to spill over, “I was orphaned when I was very young, I couldn’t use magic, I was alone. Gothel had this power and I wanted her to teach me. She didn’t at first, but decided I was amusing and worth playing with. She’d send me on these ridiculous errands and I’d do an insane amount of magical research to try and convince her I was worth her time.

Then my magic appeared, my ice alignment made itself known and suddenly I was the only student Mother Gothel wanted to teach. She taught me spells she wouldn’t utter to the other witches in her coven. It felt like she had taken me under her wing. I would have done anything for her.”

Annisa listened quietly, horrified by the raw pain that had claimed Lavinia’s throat. She had known Rapunzel was a victim of Gothel, but hearing that Lavinia had also been a target caused her heart to ache for the woman in her arms.

“She told me about how she planned to kill the ice king and needed my help. I was important to this mission and she needed me to follow her orders to the T. I was so excited to help her, to make a real difference and to take down the Tyrant who abused his power and caused the mass slaughter of so many magical beings in the ice kingdom. The king liked to set up his own witch hunts where he’d release a witch he had captured into his private woods to hunt down and kill. Our plan was for me to get captured and to wait for Gothel who would come and stage a breakout. During the panic she would kill the king while I distracted all his guards with a permafrost spell I had read about in a book.

So I did my part, I let the king catch me and I lived in the dungeon underneath the castle. I waited for Gothel to appear. I waited weeks, starving in a dark wet cell. I was so hungry, I hadn’t felt hunger that strong since arriving at the orphanage. Eventually it was my turn to be hunted, and when they let me into those woods I decided I would kill the king myself. So I used an old spell Gothel had me test a while ago and I slaughtered almost all of the king’s men in the forest. And then I killed him and sat on the throne covered in blood and announced that the king had fallen.”

“Gothel had left, abandoned me there, then had the nerve to show up two weeks after my coronation and demand I give her magic in exchange for teaching me. We fought and I threw up the magical barrier around my kingdom using one of her spells for spite.”

“I guess that explains how you don’t age.” Annisa interrupted and then almost hit herself for such a sudden outburst, but Lavinia nodded.

“I don’t age because it’s the same spell Gothel uses to steal magic, only my people can refuse to give me their magic, they offer up their magic to keep the barriers around the kingdom, so I guess in a way I’m not giving them much of a choice.”

Lavinia sighed, balancing herself on one arm for a moment to run a hand through her hair.

“I let all my pain get the better of me, and I hurt more people because I was too afraid of losing my newfound power. I wanted to keep everything out, because that’s how everything could stay safe,” Lavinia shook her head, “I sound like a maniac.”

“Lavinia, it doesn’t matter what you did before, all that matters to me is that you’re trying to do better now,” Annisa flashed the other girl a soft smile, “what Gothel did to you was horrible, and you shouldn’t have had to suffer to feel like you weren’t alone.”

“But I always am, somehow.”

It’s so quiet and heartbreaking to hear Lavinia’s voice like this. Annisa’s smile dropped as she tried to process the hurt, pain, and anger flashing through Lavinia’s icy eyes.

“To have a chance like Rapunzel has been given. To actually be allowed to keep writing my story without having to hurt you more to do so. I’d have to bend over backwards to be given a quarter the chance at redemption that she’s been allowed after everything. Why? Because her story deemed her a hero despite her murders and crimes?”

Maybe weeks ago Annisa would have said something to defend Rapunzel, defend why she should be given chance after chance where Lavinia shouldn’t. Lavinia dropped her head back to her shoulder in frustration.

“...You’re mad because they won’t give you that chance,” Annisa commented as she wrapped her arms around Lavinia’s shoulders, keeping her in place when she felt her start to shift, “I didn’t think you cared so much about what they thought about you.”

“I don’t,” Lavinia grumbled into her shoulder, “but I know it would be easier for you if they trusted me to keep you safe at least. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to sneak around to see me.”

Annisa held the woman tighter, placing a firm kiss to her head as she felt her relax into her arms.

“They’re not all against you. Arin wants to give you a chance, and I could convince Oliver to as well. And you have me.”

“As long as I have you.”

Of course the melting queen would sneak in some sweet nothings while they layed there, Annisa couldn’t say she was surprised by the familiar affection in Lavinia’s voice.

“So you're using me as a pillow here all night? I’m supposed to be home.”

Lavinia smirked, wrapping her arms tighter.

“Stay, please?”

“Oh my,” Annisa pretended to swoon, batting her eyelashes, “did her majesty just say please? To little old me. What a blessing that has bestowed upon my unworthy ears!”

“Brat,” Lavinia laughed, a beautiful light sound that Annisa would kill to hear, “you’re not allowed to leave now, punishment for mouthing off to a queen.”

“You love when I mouth off to you.”

“Maybe.”

The smirk caused Annisa to blush, suggesting a far dirtier joke that Lavinia had opted out of saying.

“I wish I could stay here,” Annisa sighed as she looked up at the ceiling of the cabin, the little snowflake fairy lights making her smile, sinking her fingers into unbelievable soft silver hair as she felt Lavinia tilt to head, eyelashes brushing against Annisa’s neck in soft butterfly kisses, “I love being this close to you.”

Lavinia hummed her agreement as Annisa’s fingers scratched at her scalp and wandered through her hair.

“It’s certainly a treat, watching the Ice Queen melt just for me.”

“You’re the only person worth melting for.”

Annisa hated how her mind immediately flashed to a certain snowman character from a Disney movie. She couldn’t control the way the giggles shook her form. Lavinia propped herself up on her arm, trying to look bored but the soft look in her eyes betrayed her horribly as she watched Annisa laugh at a joke she didn’t understand.

“Remind me that I need you to watch a movie with me.”

Lavinia hummed and let her fingertips trace patterns into Annisa’s arm before bringing her hand up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss that caused Annisa to blush.

“Do you really have to leave now?”

“I guess I can spare five minutes.”

Five turned to an hour, but it wasn’t like Annisa was complaining.

#anonymous #answered #lovestruck #women of lovestruck #lovestruck fanfiction #lavinia le guin #lavinia x mc #eaa lavinia #ever after academy #eaa #woeful wednesday #soft angst #fluffy comfort

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marjansmarwani · 3 years

Text

I have no idea when this one will be done because I have been working on it for weeks and I keep thinking it is almost done and it never is. At this point that answer could be anywhere from tonight to a week from next Tuesday. You r guess is as good as mine. But! It will be done! And it is one of my last bthb squares, which is exciting!

-------

After TK got changed he made his way into the kitchen to find Paul, Mateo, Judd gathered around the counter. Paul seemed to be talking Mateo through whatever it was that he was cooking while Judd sat across from them with a mug of coffee and a grin. He slid onto the stool beside Judd with a nod to the older man as he watched his two friends at the stove.

“That’s enough flour,” Paul was telling Mateo who frowned at the pan in front of them.

“But I thought we wanted it to be thick?”

“We do,” Paul agreed patiently, “but that will happen with time as it cooks down. If you add too much now you’ll just end up with a floury sludge. You can always add more later if you need it.”

“What’s today’s lesson?” TK asked as he gratefully accepted the cup of coffee Judd handed him.

“Alfredo,” Paul said with a grin. “Probie asked for a good food to cook for a date, and who doesn’t love a good alfredo?”

“Oh?” TK asked, raising eyebrows in Mateo’s direction. “Is there someone you want to cook for? Have you been holding out on us, Probie?”

“No. It’s just good to know. You know, in case.”

TK glanced at Judd, “Does that sound like there might be someone to you?”

Judd grinned and was about to retort when Paul interrupted, “Leave him alone guys. Not all of us have been lucky enough to find our soulmates like you two. Some of us still need to play the game, which sometimes involves alfredo.”

Judd rolled his eyes but relented while TK cleared his throat.

“Speaking of Carlos,” he began, “he wanted me to remind you two to be careful.”

“Who, us?” Mateo asked in surprise as he gestured to himself and Paul. “Why?”

“Have you heard about all those kidnappings, Mateo?”

“Yeah,” he replied, expression puzzled.

“The victims are all…”

“Men in their twenties,” Paul finished, a look of grim understanding filling his expression.

“Yeah,” TK agreed. “He’s worried about you guys, so just keep an eye out for anything that looks weird.”

“What, not me?” Judd asked and TK threw him an unimpressed glance.

“Men in their twenties, Judd.”

“Are you saying no one would believe I’m in my twenties?” Judd demanded.

“Yes,” TK replied without hesitation.

Paul interrupted before Judd could reply, waving a placating hand at the older man.

“That’s all well and good,” he said, “and it’s not that we don’t appreciate it, but he does realize that describes him as well, right?”

“I reminded him,” TK assured him. “But honestly? I’m just worried about him in general.”

He looked down at the mug in his hands as the other three looked at him.

“What do you mean?” Judd asked in a tone full of concern, previous squabble instantly forgotten.

“He’s pushing himself so hard,” TK explained. “This case has been going on for months now, and over the past several weeks I feel like I’ve hardly seen him. Which sucks, yes. But I’m more concerned about the fact that we live together.”

“So if you’ve hardly seen him, he’s hardly been home,” Paul concluded.

TK nodded. “I understand why he’s so invested and I want to support him, I just don’t want him to push himself too far. And I don’t know how to tell him that without coming off as selfish.”

“It’s not selfish to want him to take care of himself,” Judd objected. “Carlos is a smart man, he’ll understand that. Besides, he loves you and he knows you love him. He’ll understand regardless.”

“I hope so,” TK replied. “But it’s hard to tell him to slow down when there is so much on the line.”

No one seemed to have a response to that so the group trailed off into silence until Paul glanced back down at the stove. He cursed and hit Mateo’s arm.

“You need to stir it, Probie! You’re not going to be winning any hearts with cement.”

#911 lone star #wip wednesday #just some firefam fluff #from the fic that won't die #my fic previews #scheduled

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haztory · 3 years

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬

--nanami kento x gn!reader; hurt, comfort, minor character death, established relationship, death from a disease

--summary: Death is part of the process, Nanami Kento learns early on. He's no stranger to it nor the quiet that follows it. But when it plagues you like this, he finds himself at a loss.

a/n: I don’t know where this came from. it just happened. have I mentioned I'm a huge nanami simp as well? something about capable men just gets to me hehe. anyways, enjoy!

i listened to ‘clouds’ by luke faulkner while writing this

(w.c. 2302)

Death is part of the process, Nanami Kento learns early on.

It’s not one he has to particularly enjoy, but it would be advantageous in the resting of his conscious to make peace with it. Rather than let death ruin the few hours of sleep he can manage a night, it’s significantly easier to never let it weigh too heavily on his mind, never let its stay linger for more than necessary in the space of his thoughts. His occupation demands a certain air of nonchalance from him, requires the detached, almost stoic acknowledgment of the situation. Eventually, familiarity will settle in the depth of his recollection and death becomes something one needn’t blink twice towards.

It’s not an aspect of the job he likes, per se, but it’s significantly better than the alternative. This seemingly apathetic conception of human life is unfortunately an evil requirement. Instead of festering over the lives he didn’t save, he can focus on the ones he has yet to protect. His slate may be tainted with copious amounts of red— inky, dark, bleeding red; the kind that looks black as it accumulates— but in true Kento fashion, he’ll wipe it clean. Gently, with a clean rag and with slow, circular motions, he’ll wash away the evidence of his failures with as much respect as he can, regardless of how exhausted he may be and how much easier it would be to just run his body, suit, and knife through the stream of water.

The victims may no longer be of this earth, but their last physical embodiment lay wickedly upon his person, his weapon, and his soul. Where he couldn’t save them, the least he can do is lay their last parts to rest with as much kindness as one can muster: with a slow wipe and a silent prayer.

Death is part of the process, but, if one allows it, it can also be the fuel towards excellence. A drive that settles in after the brief misfortune, kickstarting the desire for improvement; A need to do and be better. To work harder and save more people. But that’s all it must be. No residual guilt, no lasting regret, only fuel. That’s what Nanami Kento learns early on.

What he learns rather recently, though, is that death is much different when it’s inevitable.

When there is no amount of slashing, no amount of fighting, no amount of improved skills that can prevent it. Even worse, when you know it’s coming and preparation can do very little in settling the grief.

Death is part of the process, but how can one rationalize it when it doesn’t come from the immediate life or death situation he so often faces? When it doesn’t come from the hands of maniacal cursed spirits or the wickedness of greedy men, but instead, from the unforgiving nature of nature itself? How does one reconcile the inevitability of death when it happens to someone so young?

Cancer.

She was only eleven.

Death is part of the process, Kento used to think, but as he stands amongst the sea of black on this fitting day of grey, he can’t help but notice how incredibly unfair this all is. Her mother stands a few feet away, silent as they scatter her ashes by the river she used to play in as a child. She stands flanked on either side by loved ones, and yet, the abysmal look on her face betrays any ideal that she may be comforted by the closeness of others; Hardly even cognizant of the fact that they’re there. He’s seen that look before, once on himself.

It’s the face of vicissitude, the kind that casts someone past the rocks of sadness and out onto the sea of loneliness and despair. A place that no one can follow.

Spouses are called some variation of widow, children are called orphans. What does one call a parent who’s lost their child? No doubt the lack of a label only helps to contribute to the loneliness of it all. Suspended in pain without even the decency of a customary societal title attached to one’s name. Left with nothing but the echoing emptiness of a broken heart.

Grief personified. A hollow shell of a being. Just another person who lost someone they loved. Nothing more, nothing less.

Kento is used to death, but this? This has heartache weighing heavier on his shoulders than he’s used to, forcing his impeccably straight posture forward with a sag of tragedy. The silence of the fellow attendees forces him to maintain some morsel of composure, in fear of disturbing the serene devastation of it all that’s composed so fragilely. So delicate that even a sigh will break the glass of still anguish. As her ashes are scattered to the river and the priest begins the common prayer, the image of her weak smile in her last moments plays vividly behind Kento’s tinted glasses. He can hardly swallow the lump that tightens his throat.

He can hardly imagine how her mother feels. Can hardly imagine how you feel. She was your niece after all.

His eyes trail towards your figure. Standing to the right of your sister, dressed in the customary black, and hand held tightly in hers in solidarity of the magnitude of the loss. Kento didn’t mind standing towards the back, away from the bubble of intimacy that surrounded the two of you. It would’ve felt like an invasion of the sanctity of family to stand anywhere near. A foreigner, he’s always attributed himself to be whenever accompanied with your family— not out of their refusal to accommodate him, but rather his own voluntary maintenance of separation from their sphere of loving connection that was more or less absent from his own life— and any meager effort to share sentiments of sorrow would feel, more or less, inauthentic. At least at this moment.

So he waits, towards the back of the gathering. A far enough distance to ascertain his separation from the immediate family, but close enough to where, should you require him at any point, you need only turn around to seek him out. And he will come to you, as fast as his legs may go, regardless of the people that may be in the way. For his hand has been twitching this entire time with the need to physically comfort you and his eyes continuously dart back to your figure in watchful consideration.

The priest ends his prayer and the last of the ashes are sent off and silence once more encompasses the gathering. The aching kind, the one that wants to be disturbed so badly, but remains untouchable. The kind of agonizing mute that has surrounded his life since you received the fateful phone call a few days before.

Kento is no stranger to quiet. It’s his preferred method of life, not the kind of person to find delight in unnecessary, boastful noise, nor the kind to entertain it often. But this is the kind of quiet he finds greats distaste in. Especially since it’s deprived him of his favorite kind of din— yours.

The life that is so intricately intertwined with yours has held virtually no recognizable clamor in four days. No low chatter from the television, no raucous laughter induced from one of your social media apps, no prolonged discussion of each other’s days or interesting points of conversation. Only silence has filled every gap and crevice as you two packed bags and made arrangements to head to your hometown in preparation for the funeral. Lamenting silence filled the space as you sat side by side on the train towards your destination. Mournful silence encompassing the home of your sister upon your mutual entry into the area. Silence so thick yet so delicate, so long and so void that any attempt to dismantle it feels boilingly uncomfortable.

He doesn’t like the wall it has unintentionally placed between you two, wanting nothing more than to tear it down with his bare hands and have you back within the safety of his arms. But he knows better.

Death is part of the process, and he must let grief run its course. He’ll just remain in the shadows as a beam of support, intent to provide the space and time you need, but always keeping a trained eye on you.

That’s what love is, he supposes. It’s an odd thing to think, especially as solemness surrounds him as it does now. The drag of sadness competing with the surge of love that overwhelms his veins. It’s burning, and intense, and while his is mostly in consideration of you (as most things in his life nowadays are), it’s peculiarly indicative of the moment. Poetic, almost.

Bleeding affection borders this ceremony of gathered friends and family in a proper send-off, love encapsulated in the silent tears trailing down faces and memorialized in the air of stagnance. Pouring in every direction as they all gaze sadly at the traveling ashes of the young girl down the steady waters of the river.

It’s grief, yes, but also love, for what is grief but love with nowhere to go?

The ride home is like all the other days, incredibly hushed. Inaudible. He can barely hear your breaths. He wonders, and not for the first time, if when he dies, this is how you will grieve. In this tragic quiet, moving with such stillness that was he not watching, he wouldn’t know you moved at all. A vacant soul wandering just to survive. Jujutsu sorcerers unfairly make their peace with dying early on in their tenure, and maybe he’s committed you to a life of tragedy by involving himself so intimately with you.

When he dies, and he will— this life that he has chosen spares him no luxuries, not even false beliefs— he will condemn you to a brutal reality that he could have spared you from were he not so selfish. He hates seeing you like this. Hates it with every fiber of his being.

Death is a part of the process. He understands that. He just wishes it wasn’t so collateral. A prolonged state of your affliction that resulted from his hand would surely be a more painful fate than any gruesome death.

Your parent’s home is warm, in sharp contrast to the events of the day. And while they stayed with your sister, Kento insisted you return to your place of stay to wash and change if only to give you a moment alone; So he can check on you in the sanctity of privacy, grant you a brief respite from the unrelenting tide of sorrow, cherish you in these sparing instances that he can never take for granted.

You bathe alone, he gives you that. He makes tea the way your mother taught him how, even though you quite like the way he makes it and has it set on the table upon your return. Dressed in comfier attire and seated blankly at the table, he settles in beside you. His shoulder touching yours hoping to convey in this minute action that he’s here.

He doesn’t need the words to say it. Just his presence.

His hand too, as you settle your own silently in the space of his large one, gripping tightly onto the rough skin. He rubs his thumb along the back of your hand, bringing it to his lips as he placed two long kisses on its surface. You’ve made eye contact all day but this is the first time you’ve really looked at each other.

Where he can see the pain swimming in the pools of your irises behind the film of unshed tears and you can see the unrestrained sympathy and worry in his.

“She was eleven,” you whisper, unable to speak any louder.

He doesn’t say anything. There’s not much he can say, only press his lips harder to the back of your hand.

It’s the only moment you’ve had alone together since arriving, and while he was so desperate before to hear something, anything come from your mouth, he finds that the inactivity the fills space once more is rather appropriate. One that he doesn’t want to disturb. Not when there isn’t anything he can say that can heal this wound, nothing he can do except love and care for you when you’re too weak to do it yourself.

He places a hand behind your head, tilting you forward as he places his lips upon your forehead and smoothing the stray hairs that have displaced themselves from your formal hairdo. Fingers travel down the back of your neck and rub gentle circles on your shoulder, healing any aches with his touch.

“Drink,” he murmurs against your temple, and you do. A sign of progress that he relishes in. He’s more than eager to see the slow trek back to a state of normalcy, but he knows it’ll be different from here on out. There’s a hole in your heart and it will take a while to heal.

But he’ll be there. For as long as he can, whenever he can. Because that’s what love is.

Death is part of the process, but he finds it’s infinitely more manageable with you. He knows you feel the same way when at the end of the day as you lay side by side in the guest room of your parents’ home, you take comfort in the safety of his arms and finally, fill the air with something other than the prolonged silence and let him comfort you.

Death is part of the process, and he knows the inevitability of his own part in it. But in this moment with you, he’ll let himself indulge selfishly in your noise. It’s his favorite sound, after all.

end notes: come shoot me a message! i love hearing from yall.

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