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chiyoso · 5 months

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UNDENIED SATISFACTION

g. impact — neuvillette fluff oneshot.

▶SYPNOSIS. after the melusine threats came to a satisfactory conclusion, the iudex became overwhelmed with positive feelings, having you being a reason for one.

▶CONTENT. takes place after neuvillette's story quest, spoiler free, female reader, fluff, no usage of y/n, maybe suggestive, neuvillette crushing on you making him have an existential crisis, reader is a goddamn teasing bastard

“melusines, are such beautiful creatures.”

“...miss kiara, was it?” you call out to the pink melusine, low with admiration.

“that- that's right! you know, you were absolutely close to quoting the iudex just now!” though shy and hesitant, she'd accept your invitation, giving you trust by placing her paw upon your palm.

the iudex huh? “is that right?” the pink melusine's spirits went and above, just inching closer to your welcoming nature, familiar, inviting and familial.

“then, he would already, no doubt be most fond of lovely beings such as you.”

“that would be correct,” deep. you thought upon hearing the voice that answered for the melusine.

you turn towards your shoulder, looking past to see what you had expected to have bland, dark and judge-like qualities, but he was more beautiful than what your mind had conjured.

so dignified, reserved, an elegance you don't see often in high-octane courts, or rather—for where you were hailed from. “ah, and you must be...”

“the subject of your discussion,” he'd answer as you were standing up, turning completely to his direction, letting go of the melusine's paw.

“the chief justice, the court judge of fontai...” his voice trails off, noticing himself about to ramble about while taking in your soft expression.

“forgive me, though given many titles by the people of this land, it would be most natural if you were to addressed me by the name i am known widely for,” so well spoken too.

you closed your eyes briefly, processing the sound that accompanied his words. it was nothing but pleasing to the ears, the same could go for his aesthetics, pleasant, too pleasant for the eyes to witness.

“it's my first,” you take his attention, stealing his glance from the melusine. “to see the iudex personally, and up close to be precise,” the iudex cannot make do with that vague statement, and it was a great pet peeve of his, not able to discern things if vague comments such as this were passed to him with a negative, or positive light.

“ah, so you already know of m—”

you bend a knee slightly, placing a hand towards the center of your chest, lowering your head, with a smile, and with only that, you would capture multiple attention, the hearts and minds of those around the fountaine of lucine.

and if he was able to, let him be apart of the said crowd. stirred with confusion, a steady beat that began to form a rhythm in his chest.

an outsider, both you and him. one was masked, hiding a primordial identity, and the other was presumably new to this land, foreign to dramatic concepts, views and hightened agriculture.

it was a long, long existence. a witness to countless of things, receive endless of things, but never, not once receive this form of respect, this, this very gesture of absolute high regard.

he was no archon, but you would deviate your self preservation to treat him as such?

“please, stand tall,” it was unlike him. you heard a dust of anxiousness, panic, and if this was disarm tactic, to let his guard down, it would be most very effective had it been a different situation.

“there is... absolutely no need of heavy formalities, be most assured, i'm not one to be receiving such a form of praise. the hydro archon, she, herself would be very pleased t—”

“the hydro archon...” you interrupt, now tilting your head up. your gaze, mirroring those that you see in fontaine's citizens, an unfiltered, open reverence only he can witness from afar.

seen only towards focalors.

“the begs a needed question then,” you sigh, eyes narrowed with a subtle disbelief.

“what makes you any lesser or any different than these archons, monsieur neuvillette?” you lower your head again, towards the pavement.

“you judge atrocities, bring out injustice in the form of words, a justice that only resorts to extreme measures if requirements are met—”

“—and unlike a few factions, nations, you continue to progress and maintain order, ordainding the pre-ordained,”

“your order brings out justice in the form of performances, inciting no wars, a form of execution, not by blade—but with immovable conviction,”

“relaying each syllable, sentence, coherent with a pre-determined decision through every, life changing verdict,” you stand up this time, now slowly returning your gaze back up to his, gleaming and determined.

two words of which he will use for the eyes that peer onto his, appraising him, his occupation, his actions that he has continuously, like a ritual, doubted throughout the ages of his longevity.

what is the iudex able to do at the current?

you shower him with words that are hidden as praise, compliments concealed in truths, speaking in familiar terms that reminded him of how a certain individual in the fortress of meropide came to berate—or rather eased his history with.

but to those who are well versed in discerning, to deconstruct letters that form sentences of positive and negative, your truths seemed as if you were declaring, profressing, relaying each act of truth with a voice, identified with nothing but affection.

to who were listening in silence, anyways.

but you would be most in luck, the iudex, being one of many intelligences, his knowledge in emotions, mental subjects, he wouldn't confess that his intellect on matters such as this one, would be on par to his refined, pre-historical wisdom.

and all the great iudex could do was process, process and process, think, think and think, thinking about your words accompanied with a certain tone he hasn't heard from, and processing the feelings of what lies within his mortal body.

“and so i ask again, what makes a difference wi—”

“—the difference... the difference would be,” he tries to interrupt the moment your mouth opens to speak again.

“the answer to your... question,” he hesitates, taking a brief glance towards the sky.

it was thundering.

just like something else underneath his chest.

neuvillette closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, then shortly returning his gaze towards yours, yours that were provoking, just daring him to try to refute your truthful statements.

honest, beautiful statements, the beautiful part he wanted to deny, deny and deny. “i am the chief justice of fontaine, i uphold law, i bring out what is necessary to the land of justice, to lay out the hydro archon's wishes, furina's ideals, it is only—”

“—your duty.” he would straighten himself, a slight disorientation to his pupils from you finishing his sentence. he will never, ever understand how humans are able to anticipate his words, and he will only hope that one day, he will be able to.

“oh, what things have you witness and heard from those that stir around you,” you say softly, with pity, moving towards the silent, little melusine once again, kneeling down as you lay your affections towards the creature, gently taking her paw, having her react positively, child-like.

“what things have you received, to the point where you deny you such deserving words,” the melusine perks up, her eyes glittering, excited towards you. “right!? monsieur neuvillette is so very highly regarded to us melusines!! it is truly absurb for him to not acknowledge our praise!!”

“shh, the iudex stands tall beside us, miss kiara.”

“oh,” you giggle to her sheepish demeanor, cooing her to reassurance, tending, motherly.

neuvillette, silent, glances down to the sight of mortal, and creature. you interacting with the little melusine, addressing her as equal, appreciating the creature's existence with little actions of affections, be it holding both of her hands, the way your eyes sparkle with fascination, sincerity.

“no no, i'm sure the chief justice won't put you in trial because of that,” you whisper, continuing to giggle, cupping the little melusine's furred cheeks.

“but- but i called him absurb!”

“hmm, should i also call him as such to accompany with you?” her eyes glisten with hope, the melusine lunging her little self forwards and tackling you in an embrace, muffling her soft wailing against your chest.

what was it. what is it.

what was the feeling inside his chest.

he didn't hate the feeling, but it wasn't exactly welcomed either. it was a feeling, similar to how you give a little infant the act of shock and joy by playing peek-a-boo with them, or having a sumeru citizen be invited and accepted into the akademiya with unbridled relief, and acceptance.

and all would be accompanied by confusion and fear, like stepping into a new continent, filled with unknown and uncertainty.

neuvillette, reserved, judgemental, and unapproachable. to the naked eye, he is obscure as he is enigmatic, and to the ones that have grown familiar with him outside being a court judge, it was his natural state of self, and it was his job to condemn, for he is judgement himself.

so the contradictions lie within him, feeling this way, letting a strange, external emotion he wasn't accustomed with, threaten his security, just gnawing at the depths towards his vulnerability.

after all, how could he?

how could he ignore pleasant feeling anyways?

the melusine takes a little peep past your shoulder, towards the iudex, and her eyes would widen slightly, witnessing the color of her own fur, mixed in with the fair radiance of his skin.

“t-the iudex,” a small, questioning 'hm?' you replied with, pulling back slightly, seeing the melusine have a constrasting reaction towards something.

your attention would follow where her own went, looking over your shoulder to an unexpected sight. your curious eyes settled quickly over his facial features, the expression he was giving the both of you.

a stoic expression, but with lips slightly parted, trembling, wanting to be pursed and closed, and peculiar, his eyes bore the same direction to yours but it was absent, lost in his own mind, disarrayed with current-like thoughts.

“he- he's coming up with a fever!!” the melusine squeals, assuming, latching onto your leg with you already stood up, and you were correct.

his gaze would remain lowered, unmoving, but what was most endearing was that color that suited his delicate features.

a fever? “monsieur... neuvillette?” curious, you bend your torso and knees down slightly, looking up to him, a hand swiftly moving the strands of hair to the back of your ear, just tugging it behind.

then the glint in his eyes return from the movement the met his sights, his irises, swiftly taking in a sudden display of your physiq—your eyes.

“i'm- ah,” he coughs into his fist, letting his hand prolong over a part of his face, keeping his blush at bay, attempting to regain composure.

“my sincerest, most wholehearted apologies, to the both of you for my behavior,” you straighten your back, hearing his reply, a hand moving down towards the back of the melusine's head, just easing her.

“don't be, i have that effect on people,” you said eerily, amused, and you don't think it was a fever causing that pretty blush over him right now.

“h-huh?” the melusine looks up to you, confused, mirroring neuvillette's expression as well.

“pay no mind,” you interrupt, glancing briefly between the two, before focusing the the iudex before you.

“are you alright, monsieur neuvillette?” you tilt your chin up only slightly, eyes squinted to his direction, giving him a smile, just giving it your all for it not to curl upwards and become wider, smug like how you were feeling right now.

you just couldn't just let him process anything.

the hydro dragon sovereign, attempting to adjust to your speech patterns, dealing with the certain tone of voice you carried along with that expression of yours, trying to process each word with that came from your mouth.

it was overwhelming, and it was good kind.

“...i will be,” he have to be. he answers after a few moments of silent observation, having trouble keeping his irises still for you.

“mhm?”

...what do you mean, 'mhm'?

did you want him to say more? did you need a longer response? were you expecting more? what were you thinking? why did you suddenly become so much more prettier than you were previously?

what was it that made your gesture of respect more attractive? what was it that was making him eager to receive more from you praise from you?

it was no different to a bow. it was no different to something that was considered as respectful towards a reverent being, but considering your tone, your body language, your demeanor?

he won't allow himself to meet your gaze again.

he can't—because when his eyes reach yours, disorder thrives, increasing his jumbled thoughts, disturbing whatever he was about to say.

disorder being the very thing that he tries with absolutely hardship to avoid for the people of fontaine, for focalors, and soon he would find himself wanting to be in said order. an inevitable order that he will continue to maintain.

at the least right now—attempt to anyways.

“pretty little melusine,” you turn your head, down towards the pink creature, your hand finding solace in her hair of fluff. “ah, y-yes my lady?”

“i'm more than sure that the great chief justice would pardon your comment once you return to your duties,” you catch the brief contact of his eyes from your peripheral upon mention of him again.

“miss kiara, ever so diligent, dutiful, and so high in spirits, why would the monsieur neuvillette offer you an unjust sentence—” your hands move, raising the pink melusine towards the sky, causing her to yelp, a soft giggling following after suit.

“—when the iudex has nothing but love in his eyes for your kind,” his eyes softened at the sight, having you so bliss and carefree, towards something he has strived to honor and protect for several hundred years.

love, was it?

love. is that what he was feeling?

yes? no? was it love? can you call it love? is it related to it? is he capable of something that only strengthens his complexity? he, being an existence already with labored with mystery.

“i- well, you're right—but!” the pink melusine flails in your grasp, squirming to be put down from the growing embarassment she began to have.

“he is still the chief! the iudex!” that's right.

“it- it is only right if i receive the equal amount of justice, calling him a name unbefitting of someone of high status! it is disrespect! it is—”

unbecoming. incomprehensible. complicated.

“—not an issue, nor it is within the scriptures of law, and written code of conduct,” neuvillette takes a step or two forwards to the both of you, a faint, tempted smile almost visible, just teasing the corners of his lips.

“it... is not a crime to formulate an opinion,”

but so are humans, being unable to completely understand themselves.

just like his circumstances.

“miss kiara, let it be known, that no very corners of this land, will ever restrict you and others from expressing thought, the very thing that binds the mortality together, being an aboriginal foundation of... understanding towards one another,” you see a glimmer in his eyes, his stoicism accompanied with a subtle fondness.

“that would be the very definition of unjust itself, something i, the iudex of fontaine, the usurper of order—will not tolerate and stand watch with irreverence,” the melusine grows silent along with you, placing her down carefully, growing steady in her footing.

“you are wonderful,” you break the brief silence with an adoring sigh, soft and tender, causing a minor shudder to the complimented iudex, as if he was experiencing thought and behavioral patterns similarly like a revelation, a discovery.

wonderful.

wonderful? for doing his measly duties? for giving structure to the deconstructed? for pursuing a system of commandments that are naturally acquainted for, in a world where it is needed?

can someone, anyone really call duty, wonderful?

having what was natural for him, being percevied as something close to beauty, and borrowing the pink melusine's words, he would find it absurb.

it was only his duty, he is undeserving, he is only nothing but—“shining,” you add, catching his attention once more.

shining. “...with all due possible and greatest respect, it is only a duty that allows—”

“—let me, allow myself to make this as... monosyllabic as possible,” you interrupt, now striding to him, the sounds of your footing making each thock while you encircle the iudex slowly.

“i do not foster much care, in whatever trifling, innermost matter you have, brewing from within that... well-cared pretty face of yours,” you sigh, stopping just behind the iudex, allowing him to subtly look over his shoulder towards you.

you say that, but you would be lying to yourself if you didn't care completely, seeing that slight disoriented shift, notable in his brows.

“but most beloved chief justice, take into precise consideration, that denying another's thoughts is... close to averting your gaze, feigning ignorance to someone's testimony of you,”

he turns around. panic, panic and panic. “what—”

“i jest,” you clasp your hands together to the side of your face in an instant, humming in delight.

“hmhm, i exaggerate, monsieur neuvillette,” you take in his turbulent expressions with delight, ranging from panicked, to troubled, to confusion?

was it contempt? was it hassling to him? did he not know what to make do of this behavior you were introducing to him?

“pft- i'm sorry—archons pardon my lack of etiquette,” you stifle your soft chuckling with your knuckle over your lips.

“you are as firm as the pillars that holds over multiple architectures within fontaine, it's—”

“it's...” huh? your hearty laughter dies down, both lids parting wide as you witness the iudex's facial features.

“ah,” the word escapes from you from observation of the iudex, his cheeks once again, imitating the color of the melusine, a color more passionate than before, a half-opened gaze struggling to maintain the mutuality of eye contact, having a gloved hand move, knuckles pressed against most of his lips.

with irony, what surprised you was not the unmistakable presence of the red in his face, nor the rattle in his composure—no, it was the the fact that you began to mirror him immediately.

he looked so, so beautiful. and it was enough to shake your core, bringing two hands to your chest, cradling the quickening thump in the center. “i-...” you tease too much, and it was no surprise it would backfire, eventually.

the pink melusine glances between the two of you with great confusion, a worry quickly plaguing her. “this... this fever is contagious!” she blurts out, just loud enough for the people in the sidelines, stirring as slight commotion.

also just enough to snap the both of you back to reality. “no- no, no no,” you say with urgency, kneeling to the pink melusine.

“miss- miss kiara, i think it'd be best if i give the iudex my regards and take my leave,”

the iudex clears his throat, looking away, avoiding your direction—which only results to letting his flushed cheeks, ears, become more visible to you.

it was so red. such a pretty color.

“i hope,” he returns his gaze to yours again, letting you see that polite, yet lively smile, it being the cherry on top to his expression.

“you enjoy your stay within fontaine, my lady,” his simplicity attracts you again, letting you slowly connect your views together again.

“and i am...—thank you, for such kind, and generous words, i would be untruthful, deceiving if i said i didn't quite enjoy your sincerity for me, letting me sit on your throne of recognition, being held in such high, high esteem to you,”

“...is that your way of saying that you wish to hear more from me, monsieur neuvillette?”

“mh,” the lump in his throat doesn't allow him to utter anything in reply, eyes widening in reaction to that tone of teasing again.

you stand up, facing towards him completely once more, your eyes gleaming in delight.

“i would love nothing more.”

after seeing the word building of his story quest, i just hope i delivered the same vibes/speech patterns neuvillette has in this fic...—also yes i was throwing shade abt inazuma war ehe.

reblogs help my audience reach, thank you. dont look at tags.

ⓘ taglist (open) @v3lv3tf0x @wanderingconstellations @ainescribe @teapartyspilled @hitomisuzuya @deathstarlovecraft @sleep-deprivedracoon @ciarchivez @damslettx @serenitiiy @k1an4a @pixieskie @scara6

#▶PLAY: chiyosohub.com #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact fluff #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #genshin fluff #monsieur neuvillette #genshin neuvillette #neuvillette #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #neuvillette fluff #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #i fucking love neuvillette so much i want him to lay his eggs onto me and make me a mother of however many children his wishes me to have #please i just know his cock grows bigger when he decides to enhance into a more dragon-like form but still remaining human ugh fuck #pink rosey tip that meshes into his skin color. just throbbing with veins. the same veins flushed in pink because of the overwhelming lust #i should make a smut about him next im getting horny for him #okay i did warn u to not look at the tags 🧍🏻‍♀️#hnn i just love writing motherly/teasing readers. begs the question as to why im not like this irl (MY FLIRTING POTENTIAL THOUGH)#dammit and my mom asked if she could read any of my stories- and i was gonna send her this one BUT THE SUGGESTIVE THEMES??? HELL NO 👁️👁️🔫#...god i fucking love neuvillette so much this was basically just how i feel about him #did i mention i have his c1 and plan to c6 him in his next rerun (IM KINDA F2P BTW) by kinda i mean i bought only 1 welkin in 2-3 years onl #also i didn't know how to end the story (so someone suggest so i can edit it ≥wÓ🤌)

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ten-simm · 6 months

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"I wonder what I'd be without you"

#just wanted to emphasize the Master's expressions here #the biggest 'his gaze softened' to have ever 'his gaze softened'-ed #you can see him going from confused to the moment when he's finally touched with realization by ten's word with the eyebrow raise #and how he's visibly holding back the tears and simply can't contain a smile that only grows bigger #and the way he looks at then by the end really has a mix of emotions but for me it screams longing #because with the way he says “yeah” and his thoughtful expression at the beginning he very likely was reminiscing their memories together #and he comes to realization that yeah. what were they without each other.#or you can say that he just finally felt touched that ten isn't willing to let go of the 2 of them together after everything the master did #considering this was the first time we saw him in a moment of vulnerability. he was scared even #he opened himself very briefly for the first time and ten still showed compassion towards him #okay this got way longer that I thought but I think a LOT was spoken here even with no words #a big applause to john simm's facial acting here of course #thoschei #tensimm #best enemies #doctor who #tenth doctor #10th doctor #simm!master

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doobea · 5 months

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a lil peek inside my head from the last 48 hours

#doobea talks °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･#ignore if u want #he squeeze the shit out of the plushie he got me </3 #his lil headband and apron when he cooking...#wished his hair wasn't half his height but thats okay hes still very beautiful to me #got his ass looking like gon when he reached full nen potential #BAROUUUUU im gonna write up something good for you in the near future #and yes itll be based off my selfship duh #tattoo artist!barou x corporate worker!reader #he'll be all grumpy and looks down on stuffy business ppl and poor reader doesnt know what direction shes going thru in life #he'll hate how selfless and gullible she is w the real world #but will grow to be her protector while she smooths his rough edges #also... she'll become bffs to his little sisters too #thinking abt making her a part time tutor to his sisters... and he wont know until he picks them up one day #ooh and pudding shop runs hehe...#ill make him drink the pudding they put in boba drinks that shit is soo good #damn there goes half of my draft outline #my cancer king <3 so crabby

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hythlodaes · 2 months

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there are places i'll remember all my life,

+ closeup of bb emile and his dad below the cut :')

#i was thinking about how to tell this visually and then broke my whole heart #but he heals !! he comes home and finds peace in it!!!#BUT HE WAS SO TINY #and he looks so much like his dad when he grows up..... im okay .....#so much emile posting lately sowwy i'm obsessed with him #ffxiv #oc: emile jenidaut #i....still dont have a name for his dad #TBD :o)

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carefulfears · 9 months

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top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD'#but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that.#and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will.#and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone.#and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief.#then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that.#asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

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realmothchu · 7 months

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not enough married dinluke fics to my liking

#don’t get me wrong the pining is great i love it but #i also want to see how they navigate their relationship along with their growing number of personal responsibilities #(yes din is still mand’alor to me okay)#how do their friends and family react to the marriage?#does din’s voice swell with pride when he refers to luke as his riduur? does luke sense that pride through the force and smile to himself?#are they more protective of each other?#are they more involved in each other’s cultures?#what do they fight about? who gets jealous?#THERES SO MUCH TO EXPLORE U GUYS #anyway i need fic recs please and thank u #star wars #dinluke #otp

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asleepinawell · 1 year

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if hyth had been an ascian he would have greatly benefited everyone on all sides because he'd have been 100% onto fandaniel's bullshit early on and just have calmly murdered him without a word said

elidibus: where's fandaniel

hyth: he was planning to kill zodiark and restart the final days so I fed him to a morbol

elidibus: what

hyth: what

#one manipulative little shit recognizes another yah know #elidibus texting emet: we need to talk about hythlodaeus he made nabriales cry again last week #emet: (read at 3:34pm)#I have a growing list of evil ascian hyth headcanons #I have a hard time imagining him as an ascian the way the others were but it's still really funny to try #like in the scenario where emet is alive as well #I honestly think things might have gone better for everyone in that case but it's fun to imagine if they didn't #ffxiv #ffxivmp #mp #hythlodaeus #my other big headcanon for this is he would have made garlemald TOO efficient #spymaster shit #embedded spies in all foreign governments; political assassinations; wol taken out in a dark alley after ifrit #probably making deals with the syndicate (while manipulating them)#emet would have to be like okay you need to ramp this down by like 80% we need garlemald to suck actually

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miutonium · 9 months

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How to make your rectangle boyfriend turn red 🥰

Also plugging my comms info here heehee

#blooshtonium 🥰🥰🥰#also hsjsjaoak listen this is just a hc but sjduakak I always hc like Utonium has a crush on Bellum when he was growing up #and then whenever he has to deal with the Mayor or discussing about the girl's superhero relatedwork to the office he has to talk to Bellum #and still lowkey has jusg a tiny bit of feelings towards her especially when she is so much beautiful and taller than him as an adult #but like he always feel like he is so out of league with Bellum #okay but anyway when he sees Chloe in Bellum's work dress he just lowkey gets turn on for some reason like djdjwsljdpasndjeksola-#hessecretly happy he gets to fulfil his fantasy to see Chloe in Bellum's clothes lol #anyway this is so fun to draw cuz i dont have to use too much texture #and also like i dont have to do too much details on the shadow #asukart #selfship #ppg professor #professor utonium #selfshipping #selfship art #self insert art #self insert oc #self insert community #oc x canon #selfship community #selfshipping community #selfshipping art

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the-cookie-of-doom · 6 months

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My entire day is just. Studying child development. And I don't like it (it's complicated) but it's making me really want to write a kid!fic?

Look, watching that one episode of Ingredients Did Something To Me, okay??

After some youthful indiscretions when he's a teenager, Kim get's a girl pregnant. Korn finds out and makes the problem go away. Kim might not find out at all, until years later, when the girl - now a woman - presents him with a toddler and tells him it's his. And Kim is shocked to hell, but if nothing else, he's loyal to his family, and holy shit this child is his family.

Or maybe Korn deals with the problem in a different way. He's not averse to raising bodyguards, Kim says as much himself. He could easily take care of the mother (either paying her off, attic-wifing her, or killing her), with the intention of raising his grandson to be the next heir after Kinn. He knows the chances of getting a child out of Kinn are slim to none. Now he won't have to worry about that. He has a grandchild that he can raise in his own image, in secret.

This is going to get long so I'm going to continue under a cut

However it happens, Kim eventually finds out, and like hell he's going to let anyone keep him from his child. It will take him a while to get used to the idea, to lean into fatherhood, but he's not going to let his own father raise his child to be a killer. Kim sees a chance to break his generational trauma and he takes it with both hands and runs.

Kim has no idea how to be a father. He didn't have a good role model. He know show he's raised, and he knows he won't be the same, so he just. Tries to do the opposite of whatever he went through as a kid. (He's probably the overly-permissive type, but that won't be a problem until later.)

Kim also doesn't have time to be a father. He's in his last year of university, he has a career to manage. Korn of course offers to help - with Kinn running the family now, he can play the part of doting grandpa, but Kim refuses. Hires a nanny (maybe the one that took care of him as a child, the only one he trusts with his own) to help him figure this all out.

The official story, as far as WiK goes, to protect his clean image, is that the toddler is his baby brother. WiK is seen as the sweet, doting older brother when they're seen in public together (which he tries to make sure isn't often, but he's not going to raise his kid in a box, fuck that). It melts the hearts of all his fans, and no one knows he was a teen parent, a terrible role model, someone to scorn.

At some point in their interactions, Kim lets it slip that he has two brothers, and Chay is confused. He knows about the toddler, but Kim mentioned two older brothers? So doesn't that mean he has three?

Eventually Kim introduces Chay to his kid, and Chay isn't stupid. He was raised by his own brother, he knows what that looks like, and it's not what he sees now. His suspicions are confirmed the first time Kim lets him into his apartment. He tries to hide all of the baby things, but Chay snoops a little bit. Finds a child's room behind a door that should have been locked. He confronts Kim, very gently, with the truth. He doesn't judge. He sad that Kim feels the need to hide, even from him, but he understands.

He also thinks the image of Kim with his son is so much cuter than the idea of him with a baby brother.

Kim lets himself be a little reckless, lets Chay spend more time with him and his son, and it hurts how easily Chay takes to him. Like they're a little family of their own. But it's not real.

The first time Kim lets - no, specifically asks - Chay to babysit, because he has no one else, his nanny is sick, and there's no one else he trusts with his son (which is a shock for both of them on it's own), leads to a dramatic shift in their relationship. Kim can't keep pretending this is just a friendship of convenience. He trusts Chay, maybe more than he should, but he can't deny it.

It's going to make the breakup so much harder, because his son is old enough to love Chay, to miss him, to ask where he is when he stops coming over, and Kim doesn't have a good enough answer. Is barely holding himself together, without the added pain of consoling his heartbroken child, crying for Chay to come home while Kim has to keep himself from doing the same.

TBH, the kid is probably how they reconcile. Next time SomethingTM happens and Kim doesn't have anyone to watch him, his first instinct is to call Chay. But he's not allowed to do that anymore. So he drops the boy off with Uncle Tankhun (and is barely able to make him leave that horrible house with his child inside, but Khun is fierce, he'll protect him) and at some point Chay comes to see Khun, and finds him playing with the kid who missed Chay so much, and he knows he should leave, but when he tries the kid cries until he throws up (it's gross, but it's also sweet, but it's also so, so heartbreaking) and Chay just. Can't. Kim might hate him for it, but he can't break that little baby's heart all over again.

After, both Tankhun and the kid demand regular visits. (Khun knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah he loves his nephew, the kid is in that excited dress-up stage and lets Khun treat him like a little doll, but he also thinks Kim is an idiot and needs to start talking to Chay again, and if this is what happens, then so be it).

Little kiddo excited tells Chay about anything and everything, and then does the same to Kim, telling him about his day, all the fun things he did with Uncle Khun and Uncle Chay, and. It hurts. Kim was not at all prepared for how much it hurts.

It continues this way for a while, with the kid an unintentional carrier pigeon between Kim and Chay, sharing aspects of their lives to each other. They never cross paths because Chay always makes sure he's not there when Kim drops him off or picks him up.

Until one day he is. Kim was late (his latest mission was particularly bloody, he had to take extra time to get himself cleaned up and put back together, he won't let his son be exposed to this part of his life) and his son is inconsolable. Chay is trying his best. Just got him to sleep in his lap when Kim finally drags himself, looking fierce until his eyes fall on his son in the arms of the man he loves, and he softens, and Chay sees it, and. They really need to talk.

But kiddo is still sleeping, and Kim doesn't want to wake him up just yet, so he just. Sits down. Looking at him because he can't look at Chay, and Chay tells him how worried kiddo was (doesn't say how worried he was, too), and how he's been fussy all night. Kim lets it slip how much kiddo missed Chay/looks forward to seeing him now (doesn't say how much he missed Chay, and always hopes for a glimpse of him, always disappointed when he isn't there)

They have a lot to work through, but it's impossible to fight with the kiddo sleeping in Chay's lap, so they're forced to be adults about it. Talking quietly, with Kim admitting to things he never thought he'd be able to say out loud. Does say how much he missed Chay, and how he never should have left Chay alone, and how he never should have let Chay think he never loved him, because he did, so much he saw a future with Chay that scared him, and he ran, because he couldn't bear it if Chay left him first, better to break his own heart

Chay forgives him. They don't get together immediately because forgiveness isn't the same as acceptance, and they still have things they need to work through. But he stops avoiding Kim, and sometimes Kim calls him instead of Khun when he needs an impromptu baby sitter, and slowly, that little family that Kim never let himself dream about starts to take form in front of his eyes, and he wonders how he could have ever let himself run away from this.

#cookie speaks #cookie writes #kimchay #kid!fic #Porsche becomes the MOST doting uncle as soon as Chay gives the all clear #Kinn kind of avoids the kiddo bc he has no idea what to do with kids and also doesn't know if Kim would approve?#their relationship is still strained #and kinn is awkward #but oh boy Porsche is a MONSTER #he's going to spoil that boy rotten #Chay is going to give him so much hell for it #but he gets it #Porsche couldn't afford to spoil him when they were growing up (even though he always tried)#i just #i Do Not want kids but I have FEELS okay #this is going to be the most loved child in the world #surrounded by incredibly traumatized and love-starved adults that will do anything and everything #to make sure he has the best life possible #i might write this #new comfort fic alert

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