#holiday trauma

[subsystems]

Sending support to every survivor who is triggered by Halloween or similar holidays this season. Take care of yourselves. 💚

#sunflower posts #trauma support #actuallyptsd #actuallydid #actuallydissociative #actuallytraumagenic #actuallytraumatized #holiday trauma #Halloween tw

[vineyrose]

I think that Jazz would have a deep-seated hatred for Christmas like Danny has, but she hides it much better as it's one of the many feelings she hides for her family's sake.

#danny phantom #jazz fenton #hiding feelings #holiday trauma #fenton family #fenton parents #danny fenton #christmas

[thedragonsmaug]

Shoutout to all my girls, gays, and theys with holiday trauma, we be going through it rn

#trauma #Smaug talks #holiday trauma

[thanksitsatraumaresponse]

I hate the holidays. And I’m pretty sure they hate me back.

Growing up in the house I did, the holidays were a time for “family”. We had Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Easter as our big 4 we would have people over for.

Do not get me wrong, as far as presents go, I was always well cared for. Always fed. Had clothes on my back.

But there was never peace. I was either the pun of a joke or a target for being lashed out at. And the words were never pretty.

C-PTSD does not allow me to ignore the fact that those things happened during the holidays. I feel like a deer in fucking headlights at the thought of attending an actual family function. Because family functions were the equivalent of having splinters shoved under my nails as a teenager.

My brain won’t let my body forget these things because it needs to protect me at all costs. It associates holidays with torture. In conclusion- my brain feels “happiness” from the holidays and signals my body to feel like I’m being hunted for sport because it’s the holidays… this happiness and joy won’t last long. Fear lives where happiness does in my brain.

I have no contact with my father & stepmother. I recently saw a picture of my father and he looked so much older than when I saw him last. I have been crying everyday since.

I see my boyfriend with his family, his dad, and I so desperately wish I knew this feeling. I wish my dad would hug me and get to know me as the person I’m becoming.

And as I wish for these things, I’m hit with the memories of the verbal beatings I took from my stepmother. How I was called fat and lazy and ugly and worthless. Told I was a mistake. And how he sat in his recliner, and never lifted a finger or made a peep to defend me because he didn’t want the beating turned on him. And then I’m angry and sad and confused and ashamed. Now I’m overstimulated. When my bf says something that’s too similar to a memory I flip my switch, making a big deal of nothing and starting a fight because I can’t control the fact that I am terrified.

And although my rational brain knows there is NO DANGER my CNS don’t give 2 fucks. It says we are NOT doing this again. There’s no explaining anything to me. In that moment, there is danger and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise because I know how the story ends… or at least that’s what my CNS says.

Now I’m in the car apologizing and crying because I’m scared my boyfriend hates me. He’s going to find someone who isn’t broken and want them and not me— please note, my boyfriend is a great man and would never do those things and has never had any transgressions against him— but my CNS doesn’t want to hear it. *Cue in daddy issues with a steaming pile of relationship trauma on the side*

If you have C-PTSD, please please PLEASE give yourself some grace to feel your emotions, but also be aware of when you do something unkind because of your triggers. We are not perfect nor do we strive to be, but always hold yourself accountable.

For those who love someone with C-PTSD please be patient with us. The holiday season has been a source of trauma for most of us, so we are not necessarily going to be the jolliest. Please make every effort to include us. Please make every effort to listen to us and let us let it out. Make us feel safe because we are only doing this because we feel scared that the happiness we are experiencing will be snatched out from under us.

For me happiness is the soft hands I feel right before fear starts to choke me.

#cptsd survivor #cptsd recovery #actually cptsd #cptsd healing #living with cptsd #trauma survivor #childhood trauma #mental health #mental health matters #mental heath awareness #holiday trauma #mental health issues

[armadillidium-vulgar]

Christmas is a time of great trauma for me. If you also experience this and are Going Through It, I see you, I love you, it will be over soon. Take a deep breath and be gentle with yourself in the coming days.

You are enough. You are wonderful. You’re going to do great things next year.

#christmas #christmas trauma #ptsd #trauma #holiday trauma

[raincamp]

12 25 23

i hate holidays

maybe its the trauma talking, but for a while now they've been dreaded instead of enjoyed.

since i moved out i had the choice of who to spend it with. i could spend it with my family. or my roommate's family. or alone by myself.

i chose to go home and spend it with my family like i usually do. as much as i hate it. this year felt different. i was hopeful maybe it would change.

maybe i shouldve just gone for a few days instead of the week. i was fighting off mild alcohol withdrawal for the first part of the week. and cravings once that eventually went away.

i didnt have an actual place to stay. my bedroom was taken by my brother so i didnt have a bed. i slept on a cold leather couch. not only that but i was set up in the room in the direct center of an open concept house. my sensory issues made me want to rip my ears and skin off by the end of the second day.

christmas eve i tried to enjoy everything but i just couldn't. i just felt so overwhelmed, anxious, like i was going to have a meltdown the whole time. and when i got back to my parents house i started having emotional flashbacks.

i hate it, i hate that my family didnt even do anything this year and im still fucking not able to handle it. im still so emotional and broken about literally just being around them for an extended period of time.

i ended up just driving back to my apartment and im spending Christmas alone. i decided it was the best out of my options. being at home made me feel like shit, unsafe, emotional, uncomfortable. i didnt want to ruin my roommate's time with his family. so. at least i feel safe here in my apartment. and i have my alcohol and my cat. and my bed.

i still feel like shit but less so than i did a few hours ago.

#tumblr diary #holiday trauma #cptsd

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I wish parents would just fucking stay together I wish holidays felt like holidays I wish they weren’t so full of shity memories I wish I didn’t have to choose which parent is gonna be the favorite this time for every fucking holiday I wish the amount of time spent with people I love didn’t always have to be half of what it could be I wish people could just fucking get along and love each other. So autistic of me, I guess, to think people should just do what tf they say they’re gonna do….But whatever it’s fine totally have a kid and then split up it’s nbd totally cool great brilliant /s

#audhd #adverse childhood experiences #adhd autistic #autistic rant #mental health rant #late diagnosed autistic #neurodiversity #holiday trauma #cptsd #did osdd #bpd #children of divorce #divorced parents #family trauma #parental trauma

[mosaic-system]

Anyone know how to cope with the holidays coming up/traumaverseries surrounding Christmas???

The music and decor is everywhere and we aren’t doing well

#actuallydid #did #actually multiple #cptsd #ptsd #traumaversary #holiday trauma #mosaic ramblings #mosaic asking advice

[dragonwithdid]

Is it truly normal to get allergens gifted ? Like nut chocolate when the person clearly knows that the recipient is allergic? Am I the only one who thinks that this is upsetting ?

#allergy #food #abuse #? #ptsd #food trauma #holiday trauma #tw food #allergies #Like I get food gifted all the time with nuts or milks #its the 6th and in Germany you get candy in your boot #I live in the system and they insist that I get a baggy but i can just give it away immidiatly #like I hope my doorway stays empty I cant deal with that another time

[nnms-mlnel]

I miss my mom. I’m scared to go through Christmas and not get a call from her. She’s not dead, but she’s gone. My oldest came out as [redacted] and my parents are extremely fundamentalist. I told my mom gently, with no ultimatums, no threats, no take-it-or-leave-its, because I knew she loved her grandchildren, and I knew she’d always want to be in their lives and celebrate them. I knew it would be difficult, for them to accept and celebrate her; but honest to god, as factual and tangible as skin and rock and water, I knew they would find a way to still rejoice in her joy and lift her up in her truth, because their love for my children was greater than any silly little fluid thing like sexuality and gender identity, and her love would be strong enough to move her to change how she sees the queer community. I was wrong.

I gave her nearly a year, before I brought it back up. We live across the world from each other, so in periodic text messages and phone calls, she was able to avoid addressing it. I only brought it up at this point, after she reposted an article, with a comment that disparaged the community my daughter now identifies with. I asked why she felt that way, knowing what she knows about her granddaughter. With her answer, the realness of the love I thought she had evaporated. “Having the rug pulled from under me” doesn’t explain it well enough; something in my mind cracked. It felt as though the ground I was standing on was a coping illusion, and the reality I shocked myself back into was that I was spinning untethered into the black dark of space, alone.

I know that’s dramatic, but there’s a lot of history here, too. Through this interaction, I learned my mom spent the almost-year in her own turmoil, receiving my child’s new identity as an act of aggression against her specifically, and her faith. She let these feelings mature and develop until she had solidified in her mind that I must be a manipulative, demanding, vengeful woman. I require complete submission and acceptance, or I withhold my love. That must be it, because plenty of families disagree on politics and religion, and get on just fine. So it must be me. Except that.

My mother has made a legacy of abandoning family when things get hard. She did it to me when I announced my divorce (that we didn’t end up going through with.) She did it first, when I started seeing a therapist. She did it to my dad’s entire family, when I was a child, over disagreements with LGBT+ acceptance. She did it Thanksgiving of 2005, with her own family. She cuts people off all the time, and to this day, has no idea how to exist in a state of compromise and mutual respect and love. “Agree to disagree” doesn’t mean the same to her as everyone else. The reality is, her faith is only worth the effort and sacrifice, if my children and I go to hell, and that’s a reality that she will never be able to just ignore. I certainly can’t ignore it. How do I break bread with people that, in effect, need my child to go to hell? Whether it exists or not, that’s her truth, and that’s what matters. I can’t. She had so long, to ask questions, read, seek out good sources that could marry her faith with my child’s lifestyle, and instead she twisted the narrative to center her own pain. I don’t know what to do with that.

And so I’m here, mourning the loss of a relationship I made up. Dreading the holidays, when my kids will finally ask, “hey is grandma and grandpa going to call again?” and I’ll have to tell them no. I hate this so much. It shouldn’t be like this. How can someone talk about love so much, for so many years, and have no idea how to practice it. I don’t understand.

#christmas #family trauma #mom trauma #holiday trauma #lgbtqplus #family problems #just venting #sad thoughts #lonely

[learningfromlosing]

Merry Christmas estranged family, merry Christmas mother who literally told me to die, merry Christmas sister in law I definitely wouldn't have given the number she texted me unsolicited pictures of my brothers kids on, merry Christmas brother who continued the tradition of shotgun weddings and didn't invite me but is now intrestingly trying to reach out to me to show off his kid, merry Christmas grandfather who I saw myself in as the black sheep and totaly thrown away by this horrid family I try so hard to rip myself from every year; I so miss you on this holiday where no one has mentioned you at all despite the continuous pleas that we are still a family. Merry Christmas to the unwanted families, the people trying to run away from them, and those who are still wondering why their family won't respond to them. Merry christmas to all. And hopefully a happier new year.

#estranged #estranged family #estranged family on Christmas #agoraphobic #family trauma #holiday trauma #holidays alone

[fatrocka64]

Christmas with the furry fandom ground rules for 2022

1. Don't celebrate Christmas with my family due to past trauma.

2. Only celebrate Christmas with the furry fandom online no exceptions

3. Make a special card for someone who hates Furries so that way they'll remember that it's my fault for joining

4. Make sure that you cancel any family quality time so I don't disappoint them with my obsession

5. Only purchase furry fandom related merchandise if available as a present for myself because no family members will get me anything in relation to Furry merchandise

6. Dinners and desserts will be paid for with my money only

7. If I am allowed to participate in the event. Midwest Furfest is the best luck with celebrating Christmas with any Furry

8. Only celebrate with my family if they invite me for a family discussion about the furry fandom..

I'm only celebrating Christmas with furries due to what happened with the summer.

And it would've been better if I can go ahead with this obsession with furries I've been having since 2016...

If any rules are broken then it's hospital trip on Christmas Eve

#ground rules #christmas #furry community #furry fandom #childhood ruined #childhood trauma #past mistakes #potentially triggering #holiday trauma #Christmas trauma #Christmas is cancelled

[cerberus-screams]

time doesn't forget, and neither does my subconscious.

you dont deserve today.

#. me #actually ptsd #vent post #holiday trauma #trauma survivor #actually traumatized

[spilledparchment]

Holiday trauma flare ups be like:

From Hbomberguy's The War on Christmas: A Measured Response

#ptsd #holiday trauma #trauma #christmas ptsd #christmas trauma

[anonymouspoetry47]

“This morning you told me you loved me

And of course, I said it back

I get a call from my mom askin’,

Why wouldn’t you wanna come home?

I shouldn’t have had a breakdown over going home for the holidays.

You called me

And you didn’t tell me you loved me back

So I drank a couple cokes in a gay bar,

Shot the white pool ball at the sobs to keep ‘em at bay

‘Cause you said “we’re on break”,

And didn’t say you’d be back.”

~ A.P.

#anonymous poetry #poetry #Christmas trauma #holiday trauma #Thanksgiving trauma #yay

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons