Tumgik
#i already clean up after you and im the only reason this house isnt a fucking disaster
Tumblr media
parents when you have a life outside of doing chores for them and picking up their mess
#like wow so sorry that im working and classes just started#but no let me just go get YOUR meds cause you cant be piss bothered to leave the house yourself#i dont give a shit that your sick#you never care when i am and make me do shit anyway#i already clean up after you and im the only reason this house isnt a fucking disaster#on top of doing my own shit like working when im scheduled unlike you#and opening week of school means im trying to get in a new flow of things#but heaven for fucking bid that i dont wanna do a chore for you#why are YOU allowed to be depressed and stay in your room sick and out of work for legit 2 weeks at a time#but IM not allowed to take a day off when i tried to kill myself the night before#why do i have to be the strong one and keep going into work and keep up with classes on top of cleaning your mess#and why do you get mad when im in a pissy mood or cant do things for you when Im busy too#so fucking sorry that i have a life outside of you and want time to myself as well#go fuck yourself youre never going to know where i live when i move out and im never helping you clean your house again#calling me selfish because i dont wanna do something for you when im dealing with other shit#then fuck you i am going to be selfish you dont deserve my help if you dont care i have things to do outside of taking care of a pill junky#despite what you think i have empathy i just dont have empathy for you b/c you dont care about me outside of me being your child#the only reason you had me was to be your little servant anyway so fuck off im not doing that anymore
0 notes
feelo-fick · 5 months
Text
WELCOME TO PHIO'S EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT AU HOUR!!!
Tumblr media
"Oh, FINALLY, another visitor! It's so quiet in here, it's unnerving..."
This AU was meant to be posted on halloween but eh.... Happy Thanksgiving? HAHAHHA
still dont have a name for it, but basically, back in october i was suddenly hit with the need to have a halloween au, so now we have ghost-ified prismo and vampire/witch-ified scarab :D ( although didnt finish the scarab reference spread in time because uh, school and i lost motivation unfortunately )
au synopsis and rambling below the cut!!
the premise of this au is simple : scarab is a real estate agent whos known for his manners ( never barges in, always waits to be invited! though it is a little weird how he keeps asking to be let inside even if they already agreed that he was going to come over... ) and efficiency at his job - that is, convincing people to buy high-end housing for a good price. although his social skills need some... work, his ability to persuade people isnt something to be laughed at.
unfortunately for him, persuading the higher-ups is a completely different story - which he learned the hard way after flunking something big for the company. they dont choose to fire him, no. instead, they put him through a trial, assigning him to sell their most unprofitable property : the mansion in a small town locally known for being haunted by an "evil spirit". if scarab manages to sell it (for good profit) within six months, he is excused and is able to go on with his job. if not... well, best not to think about it, yes? after all, he'll succeed with ease - all he has to do is dispel any worries about some fake "ghost" that only exists as a result of filthy rumors. maybe clean up the place. not too hard, right?
meanwhile, stuck inside said mansion is an extremely bored prismo. hes been hangin around this place for like... how many years now? forty? a hundred? meh, all the same, lately the place has been quieter than usual. i mean- of course people dont just walk into a creepy mansion every day, but there would usually be at least a few bold kids or vloggers coming in now and then for him to entertain but even then they wouldn't stay long ( for obvious reasons ). and now, just some unbound spirits or dumb animals would pass by and thats about it. a guy can only entertain himself for so long, yknow?
that is, until today. when some posh-looking business man entered the premises and started snooping around ( whats the deal with that, by the way?? ). must be prismo's lucky day!! this is the perfect chance to pull out all the stops and play the FUNNIEST prank ever! hah!
... oh. looks like things've gotten a little out of hand.
WOOT WOOT WOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!! im so so happy to finish this because ohhhhh my god this has taken ages for no reason other than the fact that ive been really dragging myself to make presentable art JSNDJSJXNSJX.... i realize that i have never worked in real estate ( or at all ) which means i have probably fucked something up but uhh um ill deal with the backlash later :"D im also realizing how many odd unanswered bits and bobs this au is going to have in the future, which... i am ignoring for the most part for now, but there are SOME things that i DO have figured out like ghost lore... but thats for another time, for now i leave you with this >:)
230 notes · View notes
milknhonies · 2 months
Text
Please someone lobotomise me. I don't want to have big human thoughts. I'm done. Just put me in a care home and let me go through dementia as I enjoy puzzles all day. I'd rather be at peace and forget things than have to continue feeling like I'm constantly drowning.
I hate myself and I hate that I struggle to fit into society.
I just want to be loved and I thought I'd be married with kids by now (yes I'm only 22 but I'm a Christian virgin who struggles with the physical feelings of being comfortable with sex other than the smut I write and read.)
I thought men were real- I thought men were romantic and worshipped women. I didn't realise how objectified and then shamed we are by men who behave like animals.
I don't want to work and I think that's a massive reason I'm having such a bad breakdown. I want to be a Pilates wife. I want to be at home baking and cooking and meal planning and loving a husband. I want to mend his work uniform and sit and rub his feet while he oats my head and tells me I'm his angel.
I don't want to work in disability care where my tolerance is so minimal to loud, overstimulated (overstimulating for me) aggressive clients. Or work with babies that scream and cry and hit along with angry parents that yell at you the moment something goes wrong. I wish job employment agencies would stop trying to pressure me into these roles. I KNOW THEYRE UNDERSTAFFED ALREADY SO IM NOT RIDING A SINKING BOAT- no THANKS
I just want my dad. I just want to go home. I just want to be 6 years old. I want to go to preschook again and do painting.
I don't want to work from 5pm-5am and walking Brisbane streets at night all alone going from one cleaning place to another just for one client to write passive aggressive comments in the Communication booklet and my boss to start telling other co-workers that I'm having meltdowns and I'm high maintenance.
I'm autistic and I just want to be treated like a toddler or a dog because that's kinder than what's happening now.
I just want a husband to look after me and protect me.
I want to just make cute little videos and not have to worry my pretty head about money.
I DONT WANT designer bags or clothes. I just want to have a house I'm allowed to decorate and make dresses or bake for church. And a husband who comes from work and pats my head and tells me I'm a good girl. At this rate I don't even care if he's fucking a receptionist on the side.
I get it how these are such white woman tears. But fuck I think every woman should have this dream off they WANT without any shame.
I know it's a "grow up this is reality, you're describing something that doesn't exist." WHY CANT IT EXIST. FUCK.
I don't blame feminism. Feminism is amazing and I love her.
I blame classism.
People can't survive on just single home incomes anymore and that's fucked up to me.
"but women had jobs too you're just describing the rich wom-"
Women with jobs were mostly young single women waiting to get married or women who never wanted to get married but needed a liveable income. YES some entire families worked to survive poverty back in the day, I wont disregard that, but FUCK
you would think being so advanced as we are considering we mass produce via machine etc, human life would be "easier" BUT IT ISNT.
And I'm TIRED. I really am. I've been depressed since the day I was born but because it's so normal to me I forget how depressed I am and then feel bad when I burn the fuck out.
10 notes · View notes
ask-october-fox · 3 years
Photo
Tumblr media
Well well well.. if it isnt the consequences of my own actions. More under the cut!
This is going to be very long so I apologize.   So uh...I think its about time I say something about this.. I really thought I wouldnt have to but it seems its about time I come clean about why there is a major lack of ‘actual’ updates from me this year. NGL I thought I could just ignore this and get through this month without much fuss but as the past few days have proven anything, that would be a lie. So to put this bluntly. I am in a lot of pain. And I have been for a while now but its only gotten really bad in the last month. Like everyone else in the world, I have a lot of wrist/hand problems due to my job. About 2 years ago I had gotten a real bad pain in my left elbow and went to the doctor after a couple months to see if something was wrong. The Doctor couldnt really find anything wrong, and sent me home with some meds that really didnt help. Over time the pain came and went and I worked with it, just powering through and getting over it. I have tried just about everything: meds, warm water, cold water, massages, resting, creams/lotions and anything else I could think of. Over time that pain spread to my shoulder and to my wrist and hand. Again, some days werent so bad so I just continued on as normal.  This past September was.... rough. After being hit head on by Hurricane Ida and losing power for about a week and pretty much melting in my own house, already killed a lot of my motivation for this blog, but it was when I tried to get back to work things got bad. The pain in my left arm is.... almost unbearable some days. I can usually get about 2-4 hours of work time in before it starts to hurt and anything after that becomes far too distracting and I cant focus. I went to the Doctor on the 2nd of this month and even she seemed confused on what the actual problem might be, so she is sending me to a specialist but the earliest they can see me isnt until the 20th. This has become very... very frustrating. I want to do this blog, I want to answer your questions, but I physically cant. And it pains me more to know that I cant bc this blog ONLY runs for this month, I feel like there isnt much of an excuse for me to not have content for you all. Hence why most of my stuff has been pictures or misc things. The “quick replies” arent too bad since I can usually doodle up a little reaction image in about 10-15 min or reuse past ones, but to do my longer replies it starts to be a little much. Now I also wasnt kidding when I said I was busy too, that part is very true, but this is actually the main reason why there hasnt been a lot of art this year and may not be. Im at my wits end, im not too sure what else to do, and at this point im more just mad at myself for not being better prepared. I DO have things to post and I have some great stuff im excited to share with you all but as far as replies go.. I might be able to do like...1 a week or something. You all come back here each year and I feel so awful to have so little to show you this time around. I know this cant be helped and im sure that people are much more understanding than I keep thinking they are. But its just been weighing on me more and more and just needed to be open about this. I am hoping that next year will be better and that I will be more prepared, but for now... this may be the best I can do. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for still coming here and keeping me company and enjoying my short time here. You all are the reason I keep coming back too after all! Well this ended up being a bit wordy, huh? Haha~ If you read through all of that, I appreciate it greatly! 🦊🕯
101 notes · View notes
minahoeshi · 3 years
Text
you were loved the most of all.
Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst
summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?
Tumblr media
Chapter 1 of 2
Chapter 2 of 2
He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)
So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.
But you break anyway.
It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.
“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.
He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”
He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”
This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.
“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”
“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.
Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.
It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.
You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.
"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.
"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"
Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.
But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.
Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.
--
You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?
But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.
Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.
Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.
You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"
You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.
You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.
Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.
He wants to sink into his bed.
There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."
There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.
You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.
But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?
a/n
chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)
also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!
174 notes · View notes
daddy-daichis · 3 years
Text
Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)
The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.
HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani
BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks
JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei
Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K
So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol
As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.
Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.
Atsumu - PLEASE, YES
we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.
Daichi - YES
All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.
Issei - YES
Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)
Bokuto - YES
Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.
Hinata - most likely yes
Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...
 Kyoutani - Hard YES
I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 
Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE
if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 
Denki - GOD YES
I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.
 Hawks - Probably
So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  
Sukuna - A hesitant yes
so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 
Mei Mei - god yessssss..
Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.
 Kagami - YES
my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 
 Levi - Yes
I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 
Jean - big yes
This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 
Mikoto - No? But maybe...
I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....
............................................................................................
ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 
This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 
13 notes · View notes
Text
Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes
Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!
1. Theres something we need to adress first
Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".
Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.
And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.
Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)
In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.
In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.
Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.
In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).
Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.
After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?
However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????
So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.
2. Themes of the Early Series'
First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.
For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.
The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.
Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.
I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.
In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"
They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.
Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:
3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?
Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.
Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.
Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!
I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.
My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?
Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.
Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.
What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!
But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.
What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.
Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.
What would be the most heroic thing to do?
A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion
B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians
C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else
Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!
And I just
This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.
I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence
4. Very briefly touching on friendship
The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.
5. Some closing words
Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.
Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).
Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!
2 notes · View notes
theofficeimagines · 4 years
Text
guilty pleasure
Pairing: Ryan Howard/fem reader
  Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, reader and ryan dont really like each other lmao, strong language, mentions of pee but this isnt a piss kink fic i promise
  Word count: 2344
  a/n: this happened in a dream and i dont know how to deal w it so i wrote it out and then i found your blog so im sending it to you anonymously ksdhfkdsjfgh ive never read or written the office fanfiction before i dont know why my brain did this
-
  Kelly was invited to a frat party by a friend and naturally begged Ryan to come with. He didn’t seem keen on it, bored as usual with any plans Kelly tried to make to draw him back into a committed relationship, until you walked in on Kelly tugging at Ryan’s arm in the kitchen and she shifted her attention to inquire you. Ryan eyed you silently throughout the exchange. You told her that sure, you’d be there, and smiled. Ryan turned and watched as you left and you heard him suddenly exclaim “Ow!” as Kelly punched him.
  “Why don’t you leave her alone, you know she doesn’t like you.” Kelly grumbled.
  “Yeah, whatever, Kelly, I’ll come to your stupid party.” He replied, clearly not hearing what she’d actually said.
  You knew Ryan had a thing for you. He stares without restraint and always makes suggestive comments whenever he catches you when Kelly isn’t trailing his heels. The first time he tried flirting with you was in the presence of Pam, whom you’d immediately hit it off with. You looked at her, eyebrows raised, when he left, and she rolled her eyes.
  “Don’t worry about him, he does this to every new girl in the office that hasn’t broken thirty yet.” She said, giving you a warm smile.
  Sure, he was kind of cute, but maybe if he wasn’t so god damn pretentious you’d at least try and properly befriend him. But tormenting him with his own lust while keeping him at an arm’s length away was more fun. You didn’t like the way he treated Kelly and you wished she’d wisen up and drop him, but she seemed too far gone in her idolization to be reasoned with. So you didn’t exactly feel bad flirting back and then leaving him high and dry whenever he got particularly irritating. Someone had to have some control over his sexual impulses.
  But you’d never been to a non-office party with him before and couldn’t wait to see what he’d do to try and get your attention.
  You didn’t expect much in the way of formality from a frat party, so you showed up simply in your favorite jeans and the first clean casual shirt you spotted. You were never a makeup person and didn’t intend on starting now.
  By the time you got there, you really had to pee. You cursed yourself for drinking so much highly caffeinated name-brand soda throughout the day and not bothering to use the bathroom before leaving the house.
  You weren’t surprised to walk in and immediately find Ryan chatting up some random girls about how he was the youngest VP in Dunder Mifflin history and now how he’s some pseudo deep artist because “it didn’t really suit me.” He pretended he didn’t notice you come in and cleared his throat, suddenly overtaken by “um, uh.” He quickly recovered and continued his yapping, scooting closer to one of the girls to brush her hair out of her face and over her ear.
  Unimpressed, you sauntered over and placed your hand on his shoulder. “The real reason he isn’t VP anymore is because he got fired and arrested for committing fraud.” You said to the girls with a smile, kissed his cheek, and walked away to find the bathroom.
  Ryan stared at you, mouth agape. You heard the girls laughing despite the loud music and one of them said, “Wait, you got arrested?” incredulously.
  You were maybe ten steps away when Ryan finally snapped back to reality and shouted, “Hey!”
  You ignored him, shouldering past some sweaty, already drunk frat boys to get further into the house, toward where you assumed a bathroom might be.
  He followed and hollered, “Hey, (Y/N), what the fuck!”
  You finally stopped and turned on your heel as you heard your name. He seemed surprised and paused, causing you to cross your arms and look at him expectantly.
  “Why’d you do that? I was totally gonna lay one of those girls tonight!” He said in that classic Ryan Howard exasperated whine.
  Raising your brows, you scoffed and sounded a sarcastic, “Uh-huh.” before beginning to turn away again.
  “Hey,” he started and you sighed and turned back, “- I know you’re too stuck up and too deep into the feminist movement to sleep with me, but at least you could let me get on with other girls!”
  You laughed. “Ryan, your shit doesn’t work on me. I know you only came because I did and you were only talking to those girls to make me jealous.”
  “Fine, whatever, I give up.” He responded by throwing up his hands.
  “Really? That easy? After all this time?”
  “Yeah, if you’re playing hard to get, you’re playing too hard to get because I’m tired of this.” He seemed genuine for the first time in his entire life and you felt a small pang of disappointment in your chest. You enjoyed messing with him, and who knows, maybe one day you’d finally give him what he wanted.
  “Alright, hun, good luck with that.” Your tone was sarcastic as you patted the side of his arm. He glared at you and you turned away to continue on your quest for a bathroom. Any bathroom.
  The house was much larger than it looked. Or at least it seemed that way with so many people swarming in it, moving freely from room to room, the only rooms with closed doors barely contained the moans of frisky college kids. You hadn’t dared open any of them, not wishing to see something you might regret. You were about to give up and leave when you found Kelly.
  “Hey Kelly, where’s the bathroom?” You grabbed her arm to get her attention.
  “Whaaaaaa? I can’t hear you man!” She slurred. She was drunk. “The music’s sooooo loud!” She doubled over giggling.
  “The bathroom. Where is it?” You said louder.
  “Oh it’s ummm…. It’s uhhh…. This is a frat house, man! Just go whenever you want!” Kelly danced as she gave you her unhelpful advice.
  You sighed heavily, your bladder not enjoying the movement from being jostled about by wasted party-goers. You continued your way through the house when you spotted Ryan again. He was chatting up the girl whose hair he’d been playing with earlier. Something inside you snapped, you actually became jealous despite yourself, and you marched over.
  Grabbing Ryan hard by the arm, you pulled him away roughly as he hollered at you what your problem was.
  “Take me to the bathroom.” You demanded.
  When he saw the look in your eye, realization dawned on his face and he said, “Look, (Y/N), if this is another one of your games -”
  Despite your better judgement, you grabbed his face and kissed him ferociously. “Take me to the bathroom.” You commanded once again.
  This time he simply nodded and lead you by the hand through the crowded building.
  Upon finding an empty restroom, you whispered to yourself, “Thank God,” and began to enter when you realized Ryan was following closely behind you. You quickly turned and pushed him out, saying, “Wait, I actually have to pee.” and shut the door in his face.
  Having finally drained your bladder and washed your hands, you swung open the door to find Ryan still standing directly outside it. You grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the room, slamming the door shut and locking it and placing another hard kiss on his lips. He kissed back, almost angrily; your teeth gnashing one another’s. You didn’t know what had gotten into you, you didn’t know why you wanted this so suddenly, but you wanted it now and you wanted it bad. And you could tell he did too.
  Pulling away for air, Ryan gasped, “So we’re really doing this, huh?”
  “Shut up.” You snapped, untucking his shirt because of course it was tucked in, and grabbing him by the back of the head to pull him in once again. He made you so fucking angry, he was so annoying and manipulative - maybe you just needed to get this frustration out of your system by taking it out with none other than Ryan’s own body. You tugged at his hair, nails digging lightly into his scalp, as his hands ran up your shirt, setting your skin on fire.
  His mouth moved to your jaw and he backed you up towards the counter. “Feisty, huh?” He mumbled against your skin, his breath making you shiver.
  “God, you are so annoying.” You gasped as he moved to kiss down your neck, biting hard at your flesh.
  “I wouldn’t have to be so annoying if you weren’t such a bitch.” He said into your ear.
  You growled, grabbing his face to kiss him again, this time biting down on his bottom lip and sucking on it, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat and he smacked and squeezed your ass. You felt wild, feral - you hated it when men called you a bitch. But when Ryan did it, it made you wanna fuck him harder.
  He grabbed your thighs and pulled away just enough to say, “Jump,” across your lips. You obliged and he helped you unto the counter; whatever was on it before you clattering to the floor and into the adjacent sink. He tugged your shirt over your head and you began to unbutton his. His mouth and teeth back on your neck and jaw, his hands roughly grabbing at the bare skin of your torso, you fumbled feverishly with his stupid button-up. You caved and tore open the shirt, the buttons popping surprisingly easily from their stitches.
  “Hey -” Ryan began to protest, but you quickly cut him off.
  “Don’t call me a bitch.”
  He shrugged off the shirt and you took the chance to get rid of your bra. Ryan hissed at the sight of your breasts and didn’t hesitate to grab them. Heat pooled in your belly and you ran your nails down his chest, his abs, his hips…. And you began to pull apart his belt. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your breasts as you impatiently tugged at his jeans.
  “Jesus, just fuck me already, Ryan!” You whined, and he finally got the hint to push down his jeans and pull off yours as you braced against the counter to lift your butt. He pulled down your painties along with your jeans and you shimmied your feet out of them, Ryan wasting no time to take off his boxers.
  He took his hardened length into his hand and began pumping it in his fist, grabbing your chin to kiss you roughly. You spread your legs, scooting toward the edge of the counter to encourage him to finally start fucking you. He rubbed the head of his dick up and down your slit, spreading your wetness.
  “You ready for this?” Ryan questioned.
  “Fuck me.” You answered simply.
  Ryan didn’t need anymore convincing. He grabbed your hips and thrust hard inside you and you let out a loud whimper. He didn’t bother allowing you to adjust to his size, instead setting a brutal pace that turned you on even more. You hooked your arms under his shoulders and dug your nails into his skin, pulling down his back and back up again and buried your face into his shoulder. He moaned, grabbing your throat and pushing you back, forcing you to watch as he fucked you senseless. He watched as your breasts bounced with his movement and used his other hand to rub your clit.
  You were a fucking mess, moaning and whining as he pulled you back forward and trapped your body against his so he could rut into you harder, his fingers hard on your clit.
  “Oh fuck!” You cried, nails digging back into his shoulders. The fact that you knew you shouldn’t be doing this, the way he was grabbing you and biting you and kissing you, the rough and painful way he handled you, the fact that you were in a stranger’s house, only turned you on even more. You ground your hips desperately against his and wrapped your legs around his waist and he moaned, his fingers bruising your sides.
  Ryan grabbed your face with one hand, forcing you to look at him, and he groaned, “You gonna cum for me, baby?”
  You whimpered. “I’m not your baby.” You responded indignantly.
  He grabbed your thigh with his other hand, pulled it further up his torso and hooked it over his elbow, spreading you wider and pounding you harder. You cried out, clenching around him, that heat in your belly feeling insatiable.
  His fingers came back down on your clit and you held onto his shoulders for dear life.
  “God, you feel so fucking good.” He moaned.
  The two of you were slick with sweat, the room filled with animalistic noises and the sound of your skin smacking together. The coil in your belly felt just about ready to snap, all you were capable of was repeating varients of, “Oh God, oh fuck, oh shit,” and releasing the most wanton moans and whines. You could feel Ryan was close too, his breathing ragged and his thrusts becoming more erratic.
  It wasn’t until Ryan buried his hand into your hair and pulled, hard, that your orgasm shook your body and you screamed. Warmth spread all throughout your body as you came, and you clutched and clawed at Ryan for support. You heard him grumble something like, “So fucking hot,” as he rode out your high.
  Soon enough, he buried himself deep inside you and came, biting into neck and sucking hard, sure to leave a nice bruise. He pulled back and grabbed your face to kiss you, softer this time.
  The two of you stayed pressed against each other for a few moments, trying to catch your breath, before Ryan pulled out of you and you released your iron-clad grip on him.
  “Did we just hatefuck?” Ryan asked.
  “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” You breathed.
160 notes · View notes
cybernightwanderer · 3 years
Text
Off-radar until she had to declare ownership again.
Since the fight the other day, i have been avoiding my mom. My mental health has been getting worse and worse, and yesterday i finally noticed.
I have been sleeping almost 15  hours a day, i wake up so sore and in such pain, my head hurts, my body aches and twitches. My leggs seem out of control. I have no will, and no matter how much i sleep, i still cant get out of my bed. My sleeping schedules have been a mess, it gets changed, i fix it, two days later is back to switched and so on. Im angrier, more distant, less “here”, not even on my own head. Feels like im disapearing. I spend my nights crying, i dont even know why i am crying, i just know it hurts. The days seem longer, every two days seems like one mashed up together, i completly lost track of time. I dont remenber the last time i ate proper food, i have been drinking a glass of milk here and there just to keep hunger at bay. Its my breakfast and my dinner. I cant bring myself to cross paths with her, so i just stay in my room. And luckly she has barely pulled much talk, sometimes she tries to pull a fight but i just ignore and walk away back into my room, other times she plays nice and tries to pull normal conversations, but im just so tired i dont even dare to say anything. I know her too well, and im done fooling myself. If she wants to keep abusing me, then im like just go ahead, but im not gonna forgive and forget and play nice anymore, just do what you want. Yesterday she bursted into my room, telling me to go eat, and i told her i already eaten, she started complaining to a point she started yelling just because i wouldnt even reply to her, or because ive just been drinking milk. She has been insisting day yes and do no for me to eat her food, but im just too scared to, because i know what comes next. I have cans and rice in my room , i just cant make food when shes there, and i cant make food  during the night, so im just stuck with milk. A few days ago she asked me to help her go buy groceries, and i explained to her that my sleeping schedule was messed up so i couldnt really go, but when i get up i would get the things she couldnt carry from the car. She grunted at me and said “ fine ill do it myself then “, later on when i woke up she burst into my room , ordering me to do a bunch of chores and all that. And so i did, i barely said a word, i just did it yet she still found reasons to complain, then i went back into my room. A few days pass, today at 6 am, she enters my room without knocking or permission as usual and asked me to go grocery shopping with her because she couldnt carry everything alone. So i told her, i am almost going to bed, but you can leave the dry things in the car and as soon as i get up , ill get everything, bring what you can carry home or the fresh things and ill get the rest. She looked at me in the eyes and started to show her angry expression. Repeating to me that she needs me to go because she isnt gonna take the car, she will go by foot after her jog and she wont have enough strengh to carry everything she wants to carry. And i told her why doenst she go by car? and leave it in the car for me to bring. She turned her back on me without saying a word, so i went back to my room and i closed the door. I didnt even have time to turn around and she calls me again, i open the door and she insists. “I dont want to go by car, and i cant carry everything so i need you to come with me.” And i explained again that i couldnt because i was really sleepy, and my head really hurt. She started complaining and turned around again, while yelling “ ill do it myself then “. Note : this woman can beat the living shit out of a grown adult, can go jogg for one hour and a half, and carry her own grocery baggs. However sometimes yells at me just to carry ONE BAG that only has vegetables and its the weight of one litter of milk only. All my life she used me as a weight carrying dunkey, my back started to get damaged because of that, a small kidd carrying full baggs of grocery shopping 4 times her weight, while she sat at the tv watching her shit and eating. Today my back is beyond repair, and i can barely carry the weight of my own body without getting horrible strikes of pain  that incapacitate me from even moving for the rest of the day. And honestly the fridge was full of food, the freezer too, i havent been eating, what is she going to restock? Shes just feeding herself. She just needed to buy veggies and fruit, and that honestly is just ONE bag. Fast forward, i fell asleep around 13pm and woke up at 8 pm. As soon as i get of my room with the intentions of “eating breakfast” she turns to me and starts questioning if i eaten and if i was going to eat. I told her i was on my way to. She then says “ im gonna make stew, dont you want to make some rice?” I explain to her “ no , because im gonna eat my breakfast now “ She then replies “ yeah i dont care, your gonna make rice now , you dont wanna eat fine but your gonna make for me then” i just stood there looking at her, she then with a more agressive tone “ go wash your hands and make that rice right now” I went to the bathroom, i was mad asf, humiliated. I was going to the kitchen and she yelled “ go make the rice now “ So i replied to her “ yes boss, yes owner “ She started yelling all ofended “ its your duty to -” to wich i cut her off and told her “ why are you complaining , thats what you are, you treat me like a dog, so you’re my owner apparently “ She started ranting and ranting, and i just told her i was doing what she wanted, she shouldnt even be complaining. Then she started laughing and just going like “ you’re so spoiled, you’re a brat, your there pouting so shamefull “ “ and while you’re at that wash my carpet, you shouldve done it weeks ago “ Note : HER CARPET, HER FOOD. A full grown ass woman, cant do her own things, and im the spoiled and brat... She started to continue to try yelling at me, and i  just yelled until she shut up. And apparently reapeating “ im doing what you ordered me to do , why are you still complaining, you should be happy , im doing your things for you “ She eventually shut up. But as soons as im done with everything, i went back into my room without eating anything, i layed back on my bed, and just layed there, defeated, humiliated, crying. My body is not mine, my will is not mine. She then called her friend to talk trash about me on how spoiled i am right outside my door, how ungratefull i am and what a brat i am, and how she does everything for me. What? letting me stay in a room i pay and have payed every since i got my first job? while my two older brothers never did? letting me stay in a house where i clean what i use? where i buy my own food and things? where i just stay in my roon and barely leave so she doesnt get bothered? WOW so amazing, what a hero. The holy mother.
2 notes · View notes
allaleesha · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated"
I really need to stop referencing songs.
Warning.
Contains blood & is a lengthy story.
Some of details are hazy or completely forgotten also.
It was an extremely traumatic experience.
Me:
"Get up. I need an ambulance!!!"
JV:
"I can drive you to the hospital quicker than an ambulance can get here"
I won't disclose how long it took JV to drive from our house to the nearest hospital, but yes he was correct.
Lights were left on, doors left open. Im surprised none of the neigbours noticed.
LLETZ discuss what happened a few hours prior...
I'd visited the after hours GP service after my bleeding increased. 
JV had come to work to have his teeth cleaned. I went to the toilet half hour prior to leaving work and by the time I had arrived home I had gone through the pad I was wearing.
When we arrived about 7pm at GP access, I could feel myself bleeding. I couldnt even concertrate enough to give the nurse my correct details, for some reason I tried to give her my mums mobile number instead of my own. JV had to take over and help.
The GP I saw actually happened to be a patient at work and recognised my face.
She examined me and saw that I was bleeding but I seemed to be clotting which was good.
She knew the surgeon who performed my surgery and phoned him personally to advise and discuss my case.
My surgeon thought it was some sort of infection so advised to start me on a course of antibiotics and to phone his rooms first thing in the morning to make a review appointment.
This put my mind at ease.
The GP phoned the local hospital to gain advice on the best antibiotics to give and to alert them that if my bleeding increased I had been advise to present to the emergency department.
I was given antibiotics and was told to go home, rest up and phone the surgeon tomorrow.
I felt a little bit more reassured.
I went home, anxious but knew it would all be sorted tomorrow.
Close to 12am I woke up, heart rate through the roof, sweating. 
I had only been asleep for maybe an hour but I knew something was wrong.
The only way I can describe it was like alarm bells in my body.
I went to go to the toilet but when I stood up I immediately felt something “let go”. Id started to hemorrhage.
I screamed at JV to wake up - he is the world heaviest sleeper.
For someone who is pretty neat, the first time since living where we are I had left a towel on the floor at the foot of the bed. THANK FUCK.
I placed the towel in between my legs, laid myself on the floor and kept screaming at JV I needed an ambulance.
He had by this stage chucked some clothes on and was yelling back at me to get in the car, he knew where we live the nearest ambulance station was around 10 minutes away. Reluctantly I agreed.
I called the ED as we drove out of the driveway and calmly explained what was happening and we were on our way.
I asked JV to talk to me the entire way and not to stop. I can only describe the feeling as tired but I knew I was on the brink of passing out. I told him to ask me what I saw, what my name was, how I was feeling, just anything that would keep me with it.
We arrived at the hospital and the surprise we were already there was apparent.
I dont think they really believed the panic. I was placed in a single room and awaited to be seen a Doctor. The blood just continued to pool around me. Almost 2 hours later a male Doctor came in to assess me.
JV had to step out, he isnt the best with blood or needles.
Between the surprise on the Doctors face and hearing the blood coming out of me... I was began to think I might die.
He tried to stop the bleeding as best he could with gauze and immediately called for the resident gynecologist to come down.
She was delivering a baby - emergency cesarean, so I did have to wait a little bit for her.
When she came down I was busting to wee. That’s all I could think about. 
She helped me go to the toilet in a bed pan and between the blood, clots and wee practically overflowed it. 
I know it sounds stupid with the weight of the situation but also I just wanted to get out of my clothes - they were covered in blood and I was very agitated.
By this stage I was on the borderline for a blood transfusion (I am so thankful for blood donors and had previously donated blood). The Gynecologist called for her intern gyno to come down to assist.
There were no available operating theaters so it was perform what was needed in the ER to stem the bleeding or wait for a OR which could exacerbate my condition.
Things got a little hazy here and I was in the mindset of just save my life.
I was treated with silver nitrate, stitched in several places and packed vaginally with gauze to hold pressure on my cervix/LLETZ procedure site.
She placed a catheter in also as I wouldn't be moving for about 24 hours for any reason.
I was a little uncomfortable after all of this but so thankful I was in the right place to get the care I needed.
I was admitted to the ward at about 6am.
I sent JV straight home to rest and also call the family and let them know what had happened.
They advised me it would be a minimum 24-48 hour admission.
I spent the day resting and managed to eat a little bit of food. I felt a lot of pressure not so much pain as such.
I also forgot to mention earlier I had lost 5kg in 6 days... a sign my body was in distress.
The next day the packing was removed and very minimum to nil blood was noted.
I was anxious but they were more than happy to send me home to recover fully.
A week off work and some bed rest.
Little did we know...
This was only hospital visit number 1...
7 notes · View notes
Text
Drawn Together: Chapter 13
!!WARNING!! This chapter includes slurs and homophobia, please proceed with caution.
Artisloveandlife: Ludwig I have a question Artisloveandlife: Do zombies get smarter after they eat a human brain?
Feliciano had no idea why he was asking that kind of question to a person he met yesterday. He has been cleaning the kitchen, as one does, when it suddenly popped into his head.
'Well, nothing in my life makes sense anymore so it's fine.' He thought, but quickly snapped out of his daze as Antonio entered with Lovino.
"I can't believe you got Feli to clean up the kitchen. This day is going down in history!" Lovino said, throwing his arms in the air as if he was thanking God for this blessing.
Antonio kissed his cheek. "He's doing a very good job at it, be nicer to him." Lovino almost chocked at that comment.
Feliciano chose not to comment anything on it and instead handed Lovino a deck brush, daring to suggest his brother actually does some work. "You're always telling me to be useful, set me a good example." He smiled before receiving a smack to his shoulder. "Ow!"
"Sassy bastard!" Lovino said, but grabbed the brush anyway. If Feliciano wants him to work, he's going to work and he'll work better than anyone.
That being said, it took him less than a minute to give up and pass the brush to Romeo, who had the unfortunate luck to show up in a very unfortunate moment. "Nonno'll be here any second and you're much faster than me." Is the reasoning Romeo got behind this sudden job. This meant that everyone, aside from Lovino, had something to do.
It was around 9 p. m. when they were finished with the chores, and just on time it seems.
"My boys! Where are you? Come greet your old grandpa!" A deep melodic voice sounded off from the hall, just as the three of them sat down. The youngest two were, naturally, the first to sprint towards their grandpa. He couldn't lift them up as he used to, but it didn't bother them much.
"Nonno!" Feliciano squeeled, glad to have him home finally.
"How was the trip, Nonno? Did you bring us presents?" Romeo asked, cuddling close to the old man still breathing with life.
"Meo, that's rude." Feliciano remarked.
"I did ask how the trip went first." Romeo defended.
Their grandpa just laughed the whole thing off, glad that his boys never change. His eyes scanned around for Lovino, finding him standing by the doorframe, looking quite uncertain. He smiled to his eldest grandson before turning his attention back to the two in front of him. "Now, now. Don't fight over such silly things. Of course I brought presents for my lovely boys."
Both Romeo's and Feliciano's eyes glowed, going back to hug their grandpa much stronger this time, just as Feliciano felt his phone vibrate, reminding him of the happiness of this moment. They finally let their grandpa free to check for presents.
"Welcome home, Mr. Vargas." Antonio greeted, joining Lovino by the doorframe.
"Oh, Toni. I didn't know you are here as well. And cut the formality already, just call me Grandpa Rome." Grandpa Rome said, shaking Antonio's hand and patting him on the shoulder, before turning his attention to Lovino. "Lovi, my beautiful boy, come give your grandpa a hug." He said and pulled the reluctant Lovino in for a hug. "You look worried, did the dinner come out bad? You know your grandpa will eat anything you boys make, isn't that right?"
Lovino laughed. He needed that, even if that wasn't what has been bothering him. "Yeah... You always ate our weird shit." He said.
"That's right." Grandpa Rome smiled. "Now chin up and fix your language, my boy." And the three of them left for the kitchen.
Grandpa Rome told them all kinds of stories on the dinner table, entertaining them as they ate, but Feliciano could sense a weird vibe from Lovino. The one he usually felt just as Lovino was about to break down and cry. And he wasn't the only one who could feel it. Antonio had been secretly holding Lovino's hand underneath the table this whole time.
"You know, you wouldn't believe how full of faggots Europe is." Grandpa Rome said, startling the four of them. "At this point, you can't even walk down the street without running into one of them."
Feliciano's eyes immediately raced towards Lovino. Lovino just looked down at his plate, silently begging his grandpa to stop. It was all so wrong. Even Romeo sensed something wasn't quite right and he had no idea what was going on. Silence fell upon them.
Antonio chose to break it first. "You know Mr. Vargas, that's not really a nice word." He looked unsure, the moment those words left his mouth he regretted them.
Grandpa Rome gave him a side eye and Feliciano knew it was all going to go downhill from now on, yet he spoke. "Toni's right. We're all human and we should be respectful of each other." Feliciano wasn't known for his courage much, but this was different. This was about his brother.
Grandpa Rome kept quiet, taking a few bites of his dinner before so obviously deciding he didn't like it anymore. "Is there something you want to tell me, Feli?" He finally spoke, his words harsh and crushing Lovino's heart.
Feliciano just shook his head, offering one final glance towards Lovino before he let his head fall down to look at his hands. He shouldn't have done that, because as soon as he looked at Lovino, Grandpa Rome noticed. Romeo really wanted to excuse himself by this point.
As he felt deep chocolate brown eyes staring deeply into his soul, Lovino looked back at them, tears already welling up in his hazel eyes. Can this be over already? He stared into his grandpa's eyes for what felt like ages, before Grandpa Rome spoke. "And you, Lovi? What do you have with the faggots?"
Lovino doesn't break the eye contact, but it was Antonio who answered. "We're together. Me and Lovi, we're dating." Lovino wasted no time in running away from the table. The secret was out, his life was over.
Grandpa Rome stared at Antonio in a way that made Feliciano and Romeo want to sink further down in their seats. Their grandpa never looked at anyone like that. "My own grandson..."  Grandpa Rome said in utter disbelief before getting up and walking towards Antonio who stood up. "I expected more from him. I expected more from you, Antonio." His voice was coated in disgust.
Antonio kept his stare firm on Grandpa Rome's eyes, his face serious. "Then you shouldn't have made him so perfect." Antonio said calmly, but he was more afraid than ever before.
Feliciano clutched his phone, hoping Lovino or Ludwig or Elizabeta or anyone would send him a text to let him know everything will be fine. Because right now, everything wasn't fine. Romeo held Feliciano's yellow sweater, hoping the same as he drew himself closer to his brother.
"Get out." Grandpa Rome said. "Get out and don't you dare come back to this house again, Antonio!" He shoved Antonio aside and left the kitchen, the three of them hoping he wouldn't go find Lovino.
Feliciano tore away from Romeo, running towards Antonio for a hug. His heart was breaking as he felt Antonio tremble under his arms, but he still lifted his hands to pet Feliciano's brown hair.
"I'm sorry, Toni." Feliciano whispered. Romeo left his seat to join the hug. "I'm really sorry." Feliciano said.
Antonio smiled, his eyes betraying his real emotion, but refused to let Feliciano and Romeo see them. He had to keep his tears for himself. "Take good care of him for me, will you both?" He asked.
They both nodded and Antonio broke the hug, making his way out of the house. As he did, he stopped and looked up towards Lovino's room, no doubt thinking that's where Lovino most likely run off to. He whispered something before leaving, not looking back. Feliciano could swear on his entire art career that Antonio's final words before leaving were directed towards Lovino. A silent 'I love you.'
Feliciano and Romeo cuddled up on the couch. They could only wait now for either Lovino or Grandpa Rome to come back down now.
"I had no idea..." Romeo whispered.
Feliciano nodded. "I found out accidentally. It wasn't supposed to come out like this." He said. "Sorry for not telling you, Lovi told me to keep it quiet."
"I get it." Romeo wiped at something close to his eye and Feliciano begged the world it wasn't a tear. "This is a bad place for being gay. If it was elsewhere in the world, I would have thrown a coming out party."
Feliciano laughed. "If it was elsewhere, we'd get to watch Lovi get so drunk we'd have to carry him back to his room."
"He'd be less grumpy too."
"That's Lovi, he's always grumpy." Feliciano said, dwelling deep into his thoughts. "Now that you mention it, he seemed a lot more happier these past few days that he spent with Toni."
Romeo was silent.
"I wish they could be happy forever." Feliciano commented, finally allowing himself to cry. Oh, how he needed to cry.
After a while, Romeo had enough of waiting and went up to his room to get his mind off everything that happened that night. Feliciano completely understood, he wanted to run away to his room as well, but doing that would only make Grandpa Rome angrier. At least his battery wasn't completely drained.
For the first time that night, Feliciano read Ludwig's message.
Lutzie71: Logically yes, but in practice no.
Artisloveandlife: Hahahahahahah Artisloveandlife: Thanks i needed that
It was well past midnight, Feliciano didn't expect a response from Ludwig anytime soon, but once he started climbing the stairs back to his room, his phone vibrated.
Lutzie71: I hope you are alright, whatever it is.
Somehow, those few words from a stranger meant more to Feliciano than anything his closest friends ever said to him. It could be that the situation was really tough and he needed some assurance, or he just didn't have friends who cared much. It didn't matter, he just needed those words.
Artisloveandlife: Thank you Artisloveandlife: Im alright but my brother isnt Artisloveandlife: And i want to help but i dont know how
Lutzie71: Sometimes just being by their side is enough Lutzie71: My brother used to read to me whenever I upset Lutzie71: Maybe something similar could help
Artisloveandlife: Id sneak into his bedroom when i had nightmares and sleep with him Artisloveandlife: Hed be mad at me but then he would tell me that its all going to be okay and that he ll protect me
Lutzie71: Maybe this time you should be the one to protect him
Artisloveandlife: Thank you Ludwig Artisloveandlife: Also sorry for not answering for a while  Artisloveandlife: We ve been cleaning all day and then the whole thing with my brother happened it was a crazy day
Lutzie71: It is alright Lutzie71: I don't mind waiting
Artisloveandlife: You didnt stay glued to the phone all this tine waiting for my reply did you ??
Lutzie71: You can't prove anything
Artisloveandlife: Your so cute Artisloveandlife: You re*
Lutzie71: You learn quickly
Artisloveandlife: I was a str8 A student Artisloveandlife: Jk i failed math Artisloveandlife: But i lived
Lutzie71: Yes life is important, but do you know what else is important?
Artisloveandlife: What
Lutzie71: Knowing the quadratic formula
Artisloveandlife: Meanie Artisloveandlife: Im an artist its all about the feeling not finding x Artisloveandlife: Ive been single since birth i dont even have an x
Lutzie71: Poor you Lutzie71: Although I must admit my dating skills aren't exactly the best either
Artisloveandlife: Forever alone club
Lutzie71: Indeed
Artisloveandlife: My battery is about to die so i guess this is goodbye for now Artisloveandlife: Ill go and try to take care of my brother but i doubt ill be successful Artisloveandlife: Ttyl Ludwig
Lutzie71: Will you ever tell me what it means? Lutzie71: Best of luck to you and your brother
Artisloveandlife: What ??
Lutzie71: What does ttyl mean?
Artisloveandlife: Talk to you later
Lutzie71: Well... that makes sense Lutzie71: Ttyl, goodnight Feliciano
Artisloveandlife: Nighty night Ludwig
As soon as he sent that message, his battery died. Sighing, Feliciano climbed up the stairs to Lovino's room.
Lovino's and Romeo's rooms were both on the 3rd floor, above Grandpa Rome's room and a guest room. The good thing was that each floor also had their own toilet, so there was no need for a race to who needs it the most. What was specific to the 3rd floor was that it was the only one with the bathtub.
Lovino's room was on the right side of the hall, directly above Grandpa Rome's room, so Feliciano suspected that Lovino wouldn't cry too loud and anger Grandpa even more. Feliciano also didn't believe that Grandpa hated non-straight people, he must have been feeling just a bit under the weather and this would all be settled properly soon. He hoped it to be true.
Feliciano slowly entered Lovino's room. "Lovi? Are you asleep?" He whispered.
Lovino just shuffled around in his bed, hiding his face away with the pillow and his back turned to Feliciano. Feliciano entered the room and crawled into Lovino's bed. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" Feliciano asked.
"Sure..." Came a soft answer, Lovino's voice numb from crying.
"Thanks." Feliciano cuddled close to his brother, just like they used to be back in the day. "Hey Lovi?" He called after a few minutes.
"Hm?" Lovino answered.
"I made a new friend."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm. Do you remember Lizzie from Middle school?"
"The one who used to do your biology homework?"
"Yes! That's her." Feliciano laughed at the memory. "She got married, you know. And she introduced me to her husband's cousin."
"Okay." Lovino said.
"He liked my art that I made for that book, but you know what?"
"What?"
"He's Ludwig. He's the author of the book. And he's my friend."
Silence.
"Why are you telling me this? You know I hate Germans." Lovino asked, turning around to face his brother, his eyes were red from the tears.
"I know. And I thought that if I told you that, you would focus more on your hatred towards them and the pain from the dinner will go away." Feliciano answered.
Lovino was silent yet again. He really did need to focus on something else and not that dreadful dinner. It was just so hard knowing that, after tonight, he couldn't see his beloved for who knows how long.
"Let's just sleep, Feli. No Germans, no dinners, just sleep." Lovino finally said, turning around once again and falling asleep as if he was dying.
Feliciano followed suit, but in the final moments before drifting away to sleep, his mind raced towards Ludwig's words to him. Unlike his brother, Feliciano fell asleep with a smile.
The next few days were extremely heavy on the Vargas family. Romeo would often run off somewhere, anywhere just to be away from the house. Grandpa Rome and Lovino refused to talk to each other face to face, with Lovino barely ever leaving his room. Any kind of communication was passed around through Feliciano, and Feliciano had a short living memory, meaning that most of the information trusted upon him to deliver was forgotten.
When he wasn't serving as carrier pigeon to his grandpa and brother, Feliciano entertained himself by talking to Ludwig. It was all still very casual; a few weather comparisons, talking about books and stuff like that. Occasionally, however, Feliciano would send Ludwig something which the former swore made the latter hate and love him at the same time.
Artisloveandlife: So if i were to duplicate myself would the other me get all the information i am getting or do i need to pass it in some way Artisloveandlife: Like if i learned that the chicken came before the egg would the other me know it instantly or do i need to teach them
Lutzie71: You would probably have to teach them Lutzie71: Also egg should come first considering that many species before chickens used eggs for their offspring
Artisloveandlife: How ??
Lutzie71: Well dinosaurs were hatched from eggs and, through evolution, a chicken was born
Artisloveandlife: But what about the chicken egg ??
Lutzie71: Well, with every new species new genes were developed and passed down, but theory egg is always first
Artisloveandlife: But who laid the egg ??
Lutzie71: A T-Rex
Artisloveandlife: Oh
There were other occasions when Feliciano would get too philosophical and Ludwig played along.
Artisloveandlife: I dont understand why we have arms Artisloveandlife: I mean i get it for grabbing stuff and all but Artisloveandlife: Why couldnt it have been something completely else
Lutzie71: Probably because arms were the easiest to develop Lutzie71: They are just upper legs
Artisloveandlife: Oh Artisloveandlife: Why do we have feelings
Lutzie71: Well, what you call feelings might not be feelings at all but emotions Lutzie71: Emotions come from your brain and they stir up some hormones you mistake for feelings Lutzie71: Or it could be nerves like when you touch something cold you would feel cold
Artisloveandlife: So we re kinda like robots
Lutzie71: Yes and no Lutzie71: Robots don't need emotions
Sometimes, they just talked for hours, until one of them fell asleep or their battery died.
Artisloveandlife: Ludwig what kind of movies do you like Artisloveandlife: Im looking for something to watch
Lutzie71: I don't really watch movies, but I like historical dramas Lutzie71: I guess the best example for that would be Saving Private Ryan
Artisloveandlife: Oh i like that genre too Artisloveandlife: I like romance and comedy the most but not really romcoms Artisloveandlife: And my fave historical movie is national treasure
Lutzie71: Can that even be considered a historical movie
Artisloveandlife: Ofc it can Artisloveandlife: I passed my american history exam because of that movie
Lutzie71: First part or the second part?
Artisloveandlife: Theres a 2nd part ??? Artisloveandlife: Wth ive never seen it Artisloveandlife: Now i know what to watch tnx
Lutzie71: I should probably rewatch it as well I've forgotten most of the plot
Artisloveandlife: We could watch it together Artisloveandlife: I think thered an app that lets you watch movies and talk to each othrr
Lutzie71: Are you alright?
Artisloveandlife: Yeah why
Lutzie71: You had a lot of mistakes
Artisloveandlife: Oh that  Artisloveandlife: I have big fingers and no autocorrect
Lutzie71: I see Lutzie71: About the app, why don't we just use Skype or other methods Lutzie71: I have never heard of the app that lets you watch movies and talk at the same time
Artisloveandlife: There should be some on app store as far as i know Artisloveandlife: Gotta go now its pigeon time Artisloveandlife: Ttyl Ludwig
Lutzie71: Skree skree Feliciano
That day the tension between his family was at it's peak. It was time for Grandpa Rome to leave again, this time for France, and he still hasn't made peace with Lovino.
"Nonno, you're not going to change anything by not accepting him. He's still going to love Toni." Feliciano tried to convince his grandpa for who knows what time this week. "Just get over it and let him be happy."
"You don't understand it, Feli." Grandpa Rome slapped his fist on the suitcase. "It's unnatural. It's dangerous. And he just can't be happy like that."
Feliciano sighed. "Why do you think that? Why can't he be happy? You haven't seen him with Toni the way I did." He wiped at the tear threatening to fall from his brown eyes. "I haven't seen him that happy since I finished High school. Nonno, please, just let him have that."
"He could get hurt, Feliciano! And neither you nor he understand that!"
"He could only get hurt if he's alone!" Feliciano yelled. "And right now that's exactly what he is. He's alone and hurting and Toni understands and cares for him. Lovi needs him, Nonno. No matter what anyone of us believes in."
"It's wrong, Feliciano!"
"Even if it was, what you're doing is wrong too!"
Silence fell upon them. Feliciano took it as an opportunity to calm down and breathe. He hated fighting, even if it was necessary. He just wanted everyone to accept and love each other, even if they didn't understand each other. "It's not all black and white, Nonno, and for Lovi being gay is completely white. Don't be that black spot that ruins everything. Lovi is still painting his life, staining it..." He whispered. "Staining it would ruin everything. And no one wants that."
Grandpa Rome kept quiet. Feliciano continued. "Do some research, Nonno. You don't have to understand it, but if you love Lovi, tell him. Accept him and learn because you love him and you want to protect him." After that, Feliciano left Grandpa Rome standing over his suitcase in his room.
Lovino never came downstairs to say goodbye to his grandpa. No one blamed him, this was one hell of a week and everyone wanted things to go back to normal. Romeo and Feliciano parted with Grandpa Rome, but before Feliciano could return to the house, Grandpa Rome placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Tell Lovino that I love him for me." Grandpa Rome said and Feliciano nodded. "And tell Toni he can come and visit, but I want him out of the house by 9 p.m." Feliciano's smile grew as he said that, nodding much more intense than before. This was progress.
Grandpa Rome left after that and Feliciano happily returned to the house, immediately racing towards Lovino's room to pass him the news.
Artisloveandlife: I DID IT!!!
14 notes · View notes
hey-hamlet · 5 years
Text
BNHA AU Ideas : The villain’s little hero
Also on AO3! 
TL;DR:  All Might, Japan's number 1 villain has a successor. The problem? His successor is a hero hopeful. All Might will stop at nothing to make sure his kid gets to live his dream.
au where all might is a villain raising izuku to be a hero!
quirkless izuku, his backstory is mostly the same
all might decided that hero work had too much red tape. if he was going to take down afo, he needed the freedom to do whatever he had to and he wasnt getting that working within the law
so hes a,,, viilllaaaiinnn?? like. stain. but less murdery, would also save civilians if they were in danger
he has 0 qualms about crippling fake heroes but hes not a fan of murder
nighteye is still his sidekick, he doesnt use his quirk on allmight bc all might h a t e s it
hes kinda on board with "the future is only set in stone because you've seen it now" so he wants the freedom to break fate. but its very useful to get info, so nighteye just uses it on other people
hero to the people villain to literally everyone else
allmights villain costume is reallll similar to his hero costume. just less eye bleeding
he has longer grey hair too.
all mights bronze age costume is basically his villain costume thanks for listening
david shield is still in this story
david agrees w all might and like,,, sneaks him stuff on the downlow
all might told him ab. his quirk because who on earth is gonna believe that one america man about japans worst supervillain?
also melissa is a Soft Young Woman and she is all mights favourite person on this fucking planet until he meets izuku
all might went to ua, only defected after completing his hero training because he wanted to be trained by the people he was going to screw over
izuku has always kinda been a big fan of all might. not openly because hes legally a villain and very much paints himself as one, but his quirk is one of the most amazing things izuku has ever seen
when he looks closer, all might has never let a civilian get hurt once hes been on scene. hes taken hits to protect housing, hes pulled heroes from the line of fire
izuku watches his sports festivals and wonders why? why did all might, the man who happily told the world he'd stop at nothing to keep them safe, suddenly flip sides like that for no reason?
izuku doesnt buy it
izuku's big yellow backpack is a big red one in this universe, hes had it so long its gone pink but he still loves it
the sludge villain
all might saves him and izuku is crying. allmight thinks its because hes scared but izuku just turns to him with this big weepy eye smile and gives him the most genuine thanks he thinks hes ever been given
(its honestly the shock of that that makes him deflate into small might, which has izuku scrambling to find tissues and called an ambulance before he thinks better of calling emergency services for All Might)
izuku is like "Im SO SORRY SIR ARE YOU oK"
and all might is like ",,, b  oy"
izuku softly asking
"can,, can i still be someone with out a quirk? can i still make a difference?"
all might doesnt get the chance to anser because there is a massive explosion in the distance
its bakugo!! hes dying
the sludge villain got away bc izuku and all might were chatting a little
izuku hears it and he feels this terrible realization, because its probably not bakugo? but its definitely bakugo because izuku's life is falling to pieces
he sprints towards him and katsuki will n e v e r admit it but he feels hope in that moment because some one is trying to help. even if its just izuku, he wasnt totally left for dead
all might sees this tiny, nervous, quirkless kid run straight up to a villain that almost killed him seconds before to save someone what looks like they'd rather die
and he thinks
"no one deserves one for all more than him"
and allmight, the most wanted villain in japan, maybe the world, jumps in
the heroes look at him and they are scared. if they couldnt take the sludge villain, what is all might going to do to them? but the scariest man in japan, the person parents tell their kids about to stop them from going out at night, blows the sludge villain to tiny pieces and carefully, gently, places the two boys by the heroes
before he vanishes before they can call for backup or even ask why
izuku gets yelled at by the heroes because the heroes are scared and angry they couldnt stop either of the villains and izuku is so overwhelmed that hes crying and he can hardly breathe
bakugo doesnt even yell at him because hes so dazed about everything that happened and he cant make himself yell at this sobbing kid that used to be his friend
(bakugo is holding izukus hand like hes going to crush it but its the only thing keeping izuku present)
izuku is walking home and hes still hicuping and crying because he almost died and the heroes hate him and he feels a hand on his shoulder, and a soft :"its ok now my boy"
he knows its all might but he cant help but hide his face in his shirt and sob
all might gets down so he can look izuku in the eye
"you asked me if you could be someone with out a quirk and i didnt get the chance to answer. my answer? you already are someone. you are someone that inspired me, a villain, to save the day. you are going to be amazing"
and looks him dead in the eye "you'll do amazing things, even with out a quirk. but, you of all people deserve one, and no matter what you chose to do with it, it can be yours. hero, villain or someone in between"
izuku looks at this villain
this painfully thin villain, who just saved his life and who has unimaginable strength
and he throws his arms around his waist and sobs
inko isnt a great mum in this au and she likes to basically pretend izuku doesnt exist
izuku trains a lot and has to make his own food bc his mum just ignores him
he sneaks out at night to clear trash and sneaks back in before dawn to clean the sand from his hair
he smells like saltwater and rust, and he hasnt slept more than 4 hours a night in weeks and katsuki is worried
all might sees him crumbling with a smile stuck on his face and he wants to stop him from self-destructing, but the kid will never learn his lesson until he feels his body give up under what hes doing to it. if all might steps in he'll do it again and again until no one stops him and hes never learnt his limit.
so he waits and he watches while he pretends he cant see the bags under his eyes and pretends that everytime izuku sways on his feet he doesnt feel a jolt of deep panic
did he do this? if he the reason izuku looks like hes falling apart before his eyes?
the kid passes the fuck out and all might tells him off in a soft dad way and izuku cries bc why does this villain care more than his mum does
and all might catches the end of that little mumble, and feels terrible so he pretends he didnt hear and takes him for lunch
they go to a cafe and all might buys izuku the cutest slice of cake and a big ass bowl of katsudon and some fancy fucking tea and covers the kids eyes every time he tries to look at the prices
izuku looks at all might and asks
"are you buying me katsudon with crime money"
and all might looks sheepish and izuku giggles like an idiot and says "dont tell me ill feel bad!!!"
all might grins bc this kid is honestly the only reason he hasnt stabbed a pro hero in a few months bc hes so fucking sweet
he has to carry izuku half the way home bc the kid could barely lift his chopsticks and almost fell asleep in the booth after he finished eating
and allmight, skinny and kinda scary is giving his 15 year old a piggy back and someone says "you're such a good dad!" and he almost coughs up his last lung
izuku mumbles sleepily and hes has the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling and hes going to yell bc hes All Might the No. 1 Villain and this fucking kid is drooling on his sweater but he would die for him
some random stranger on the street commenting on how it was rly fortunate that izuku inherited his adorable smile from his father
all might, abt to burst into tears: whack
allmight is easily flustered even when hes killed a man
he comes home and inko isnt there so he has to like, wake up izuku to get him to open the door and he feels bad bc izuku is a Sleepy Man
izuku mumbles that he cant ever tell if shes at home or not because nothing changes and all might feels a wave of "wait my son isnt being parented enough"
so he makes izuku a cup of tea and tucks him into bed after he has a shower because izuku is His Son Now Inko
hes like
sitting in the living room reading the paper and he hears inko's car and hes like ",,, fuck it im walking out the front door im no coward"
she doesnt even notice and hes going to scream because does she have a brain
inko, spaced out, tired and terrible: oh is the tall man here for izuku :))) thats great :)))
all might is screaming bc"" do you get let weird men into see your tiny son>???? what the fuck???
hes so small inko??? and you?? let random men in?????
all might would yeet her into the sun if he could but his boy needs an actual family member to make going to ua easier
inko is kinda mentally ill. she is depressed and often forgets she has izuku. like shes not always being terrible she just sometimes forget to do basic things
one time she locked izuku out of the house for 10 hours and he had to sleep next to the front door
one month she didnt buy any food so by the end of it he was starving and out of his own money and there was n o t h i n g in the house, but inko would go out to eat every night and lunch and not take her son
allmight is upset bc izuku didnt tell him but izuku is embarrassed. embarrassed that he was forgotten by his own mum, that he couldnt do anything to help her or himself and honestly mad he was so hungry all might noticed bc he didnt want to bug him
it was getting to the point that katsuki actually slipped some change into his bag with a candy bar
436 notes · View notes
shawnpetermuffins · 5 years
Text
I Miss You
A/n: I hope this is good because I put this off for so long wanting to do it justice. And this is based very loosely off I Miss you.
Summary: you two broke up recently, and it's not sitting well with Shawn, even though he's the reason you broke up.
Requested by @it-isnt-in-myy-blood: Hi, I recently listened to the song 'I Miss you' (Clean Bandit, Julia Michaels). Maybe you could write a fic based on the song, angsty but with a fluff ending? Thank you... ❤️
***
Kinda_yourname
Tumblr media Tumblr media
2,158 likes
Kinda_yourname Cabo sunsets >>>> anything else
It may have only been a week, but I'm missing it here! 😭
Comments have been disabled.
I shut my phone off and toss it to the end of the bed. I should have been with her on that trip, but tour got in the way. I got in the way. It's crazy to think that if you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said that my girlfriend and I could overcome any obstacle thrown at us. But ask me again a week later, and I would tell you I was wrong. That being away from her for months at a time was too much for me and I broke it off because I thought it would be what was best for both of us in the end.
Now ask me if I still believe that.
I don't.
I haven't told anyone about us yet. I mean, everyone probably suspects because there haven't been Amy preshow FaceTime calls for good luck, and I'm not texting like a madman during dinner or when we're on our way to the venues. And I know she hasn't said anything to anyone either. How? Because for one, she hasn't blocked me on any social media - I know, I've checked at least ten times just within the last two hours. And two, she hasn't deleted the three pictures of us that she has on her Instagram. They're still there for everyone to see, me included.
Now my fingers are hovering over the keyboard and I'm staring at her name on my phone which is still My Love 😍, and I'll probably never change it. Because she is my love, and to strip her of that title because I'm an idiot just isn't fair.
Hey... I miss you
I type and backspace and type and backspace at least ten times. Because I want to text her. I want so badly to text her, but what if she doesn't want to hear from me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to. I was the worst. Breaking up with her over the phone, no less because I was hurting being away from her. Never once did it occur to me that, yeah, she was hurting too. Or maybe she's with someone else. Maybe she's found somebody new. I want her happy, sure. But I selfishly still want to be the one that makes her happy.
Y/n I miss you.
I delete it one last time and open my photo gallery. I have an album saved for photos of us. Photos that I never got to post because she wanted to keep us as private as possible without being a secret. Which is why both of us only have 3 photos of each other on our Instagram. One for our six months, a year, and a year and a half. Two more months and we would have had a fourth picture.
I'm swiping through the photos landing on one I took of her when we were flying back to Canada after our first trip together. We're on a private jet because this was before we went public with our relationship. Andrew made sure that we weren't seen together in the airport or anything. She's sitting in the seat across the aisle from me, legs up to her chest, earphones in, head resting on her knees as she smiles brightly at me. There's another one of us curled up together on this tiny chair in a green room in the UK that Andrew sent me. She's literally curled into a ball on my lap, sleeping peacefully and my legs are spread in front of me, arms wrapped tightly around her body, head resting against the back of the seat.
The next one Brian took. We were at my place for a very impromptu new years party. It was just gonna be me and y/n, but she insisted we invite the guys over. And we did. It was one of the best nights of my life. We're watching the ball drop, with her in my lap, arm around my shoulder. I have one arm behind her back, the other on her thigh. I think Brian knew something was going to happen because at ten seconds to midnight he pulled his phone out and captured out first new years kiss. She's holding my face and I'm practically leaning her back against the couch. It looks like I'm seconds away from crawling on top of her, and it be honest, I probably was. She's just too perfect for me to resist.
Then there's one that Josiah took of us just a few months ago at the studio house. I had y/n on the kitchen counter, she was in these jean shorts that I loved her in and a button up that she'd stolen from my suitcase. Not that I was complaining. It looked far better on her than it did on me. I stood between her legs, my hands on her sides, slipping under the shirt a little bit, leaning her hips exposed. Not that either of u cared with her fingers threaded in my hair as casually as they were. My face is blocked by her figure, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I was smiling entirely too wide standing between her legs.
The video that follows knocks the breath out of me. She giggling like crazy, but the camera isn't on her, it's on me. On my back, more specifically. She laughs even more when I wince at the feel of her fingers on my red, raw skin that is now home of her fingernail scratches.
"Baby? What happened to your back?" She asked, amused.
"Don't know," I said, turning to face her, my cheeks still holding a slight blush. "But I think the real question is, what happened to your neck, missy?" I pluck the phone from her hands and turn the camera to her where she's trying to cover her face. I manage, however, to take her hands in my free one and the camera focuses on the flourishing bruises that litter her beautiful neck, my favorite place to rest my head.
I close my eyes, the memory of that night filling my mind. Watching her come down from her high, my face still buried between her legs. The weight and cold touch of her hands as she pulled me up to her, into her, because she needed me closer. I can hear myself murmuring the words 'I love you' all over her skin, still remember the way her back arched when I hit the right spot again and again and her finger ran down my back over and over, once more and she probably would have drawn blood. And I may not be home, but I can smell her on the sheets, that constant aroma of warm vanilla penetrating my nostrils. God, do I miss her.
I'm only making it worse for myself by doing this, I know that. But I should feel bad. I lost the greatest thing in my life and I didn't need to. So I got back to our messages, but instead of going to type a new one, I scroll through, reading through our old texts. There's countless paragraphs of us professing our love for each other. Lots of random pictures sent, most from my side. There's conversations about getting a home together, and a dog. And her telling me how much she loves my family and me telling her how much they love her, how much they ask about her. It's all hitting me too hard right now.
And it doesn't help that im literally sobbing at 2 in the morning, in Paris. The city of love. The place she told me was her favorite trip to ever take with me. Where we stood atop the eiffle tower and I gave her a promise ring, a ring that said I would love her and keep her forever. A promise ring that was now probably in the ocean in Cabo because I tore us apart so easily.
I sit up suddenly, struggling to catch my breath. It takes a few minutes, but I'm able to pull myself out of this empty bed that would only be comfortable with y/n laying next to me. I'm scrambling through the room, picking up the pair of jeans I threw off my body earlier and slipping back into them. I find a torn work out shirt in the bottom of my back and push my head and arms through before throwing my youth hoodie over my already overheated upper body. My passport is sitting in my guitar case, and I grab both things without a second thought. My suitcase trailing behind me.
It's difficult booking a flight and carrying a suitcase and guitar all at once, but I get along just well enough and adjust myself in the lobby while I wait for a taxi. I don't text Andrew until I've made it to the airport and am in my seat on the plane, ready for take off.
Emergency... had to fly home. Promise to make it back in time for the Paris show.
And I turn my phone off before he can text or call me back. Because there isn't a damn thing that he could say that would keep me there in a city that's meant for lovers, when my lover is across the world instead of laying in my arms the way she should be.
I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know there is someone out there who is better for her. Someone who isn't constantly on the move. Someone who can come home to her every night and help her make dinner. Someone who can cuddle her until she falls asleep when she's having a particularly bad day. I know there's someone who can do those things.
But I also know that he won't love her the way I do. He won't know all the little things that I do. Like how she only uses a blue toothbrush. Always has. And he won't notice the tiny scar that she has on her right middle finger from when we tried to make dinner together one night and she cut herself. He probably won't know that she wakes up at 3:34 every single night, because she hasn't been able to sleep fully and soundly through the night since she was four years old. And he'll mess up the way she likes her tea, using tea bags instead of leaves. (She like the herbal taste that you get when you use the leaves. And she likes when you do two scoops of them, and two scoops of sugar, but just cane sugar, the rock sugar makes it too earthy. And of course, she drinks it on ice because she hates burning her tongue with hot drinks.)
I'm thinking way too much as I get off the plane, reluctantly turning my phone back on only to see texts from just about everyone I know. They're all asking where I am, but I ignore them, because what I'm about to do is far more important than anything they threaten me with. I have to make things right.
Standing in front of this door that I've stood in front of hundreds of times should make me feel at ease. Remembering all the times I had her pressed against the other side of the door because I just couldn't wait to have her all to myself. But if anything, it's making me more nervous. So nervous that my hands are shaking, palms sweating, my breathing is jagged and I know if I don't knock right now I might never get the chance again and I can't lose her for real this time. So without giving myself the chance to rethink, I knock on the door three times and I wait, handing in the pocket of my hoodie.
I wait a solid thirty seconds, which feel like an eternity, before the door finally opens and I see my beautiful girl. Her face is bare, hair only halfway straightened, and she's in those shorts I love and my old Led Zepplin t-shirt.
"Shawn," my name still sounds like heaven spilling from her lips. "What are you doing here?" She crosses and then uncrosses her arms, shifting her weight from one leg to the other before standing completely straight.
I didn't even realize I was crying until I sniffled and heard my voice crack with just three words, "I miss you."
"Shawn," she shook her head.
"I tried not to," I insisted, still standing like a fool on her door step. "I swear I did. But I couldn't stop. I looked through all our pictures and texts, and I couldn't stop myself from missing you. And I know I have no right to because I broke things off. But I was in Paris and I was miserable because Paris was your favorite place, and that was where I promised to love you forever, and I'm still keeping that promise. I was an idiot," I continue to ramble. "If there's a better word for that, then I'm that too, because I thought it would be easier if I broke things off. This tour was going to be so long and to go that long without each other, I was scared that it wouldn't be enough for you. But it's not what I wanted, y/n. It's not, and I just-"
"Shawn, stop."
I shut my mouth instantly, ready for her to tell me to leave. But what she does instead throws me completely off guard. She pulls me into the apartment and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head deep in my chest.
"I miss you, too." She mumbles and I exhale slowly, only to inhale that scent that I love so much. The scent that is naturally her. She starts to pull away, and even though I don't want her to, I let her but she only leans back enough to take my face in her hands and before I even have time to blink, her soft lips are on mine and I'm whole again.
She's mine again and I'm never letting her go.
***
Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel
This took me longer to write than it should have, but I kinda really like it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you Wednesday for more content! 💙
Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!
233 notes · View notes
everyman0 · 5 years
Text
A PALE BLUE GHOST
over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.
going back outside was a mistake.
i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall. 
it was jeff. sort of.
when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.
i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"
jeff seems to come alive then.
"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."
fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.
"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were. 
jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."
i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.
i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"
"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it. 
"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."
"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.
"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."
"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"
i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:
"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."
"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"
i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."
"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.
so i ask, "and why is that?"
jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.
i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."
jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."
ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.
i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."
jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."
i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.
"i was just trying to protect him." 
"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."
"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.
"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.
it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.
i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.
i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"
jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.
"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."
i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.
"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"
"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"
ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.
i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."
jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."
i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.
i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.
so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.
it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.
"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."
and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.
jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"that choice isn't mine to make."
and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.
and then i went home.
>>
19 notes · View notes
ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years
Text
a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:
name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity
im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 
i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)
whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)
ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS
i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 
the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 
im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 
i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 
i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.
talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)
every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 
one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)
theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 
he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.
i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 
im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 
hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.
ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.
the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 
he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 
THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY
3 notes · View notes
sikereviewdotcom · 4 years
Text
wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review
ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada
Tumblr media
then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-
unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho
Tumblr media
our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on  a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense
Tumblr media
wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs
Tumblr media Tumblr media
btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her
Tumblr media
its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch
so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball
next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and
Tumblr media
happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling 
not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan
w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged  there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick
Tumblr media
good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass
Tumblr media
theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here
Tumblr media
rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes
Tumblr media
its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:
Tumblr media
spoiler alert: he does it and
Tumblr media
im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no
so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man
Tumblr media
i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date
in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?
anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time
rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood 
jk 
tg, out
3 notes · View notes