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lightneverfades · 3 years

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Tehee! The Frostiron Holiday Wishes challenge ❆ is officially closed for submissions, and OPEN FOR CLAIMS! 🎅🎄 (Wishlist)

Sorry for the delay in posting the wishlist! And thank you so much to everyone who’s submitted prompts! :D ♥ ♥ ♥

For those not aware of the challenge, you can see what it it’s all about in the original post here! :)

*** This post was last updated: 12/8/2020 ***

Rules for Claiming a ‘Wish’

❆ Artists can claim as many ‘wishes’ (idea/prompt) as they want and fill them (as all prompts are not designated to a specific artist)!

After you’ve picked up a ‘Wish’ to Fill

❆ Please be sure to contact me (lightneverfades) via message which one you chose! ❆ When you finish creating the artwork for the wish (ideally before Dec 24), please be sure to send me the art/fic/etc you’ve made! (If you need help sending it to me, let me know and I’ll help!) ❆ I know you might be excited, but the surprise is what makes this fun, so please keep your artwork a secret until Dec 24 & 25!

❆ On Dec 24 & 25 (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!) 🎅🎄, I will post a MASTER POST including links/photos/etc of all the artwork/completed fills received for the prompts below! :)

Types of Fills ✨

❆ Any type of fan works is allowed - That means fan fics, fan art (drawings, digital graphics), fan videos and fan mixes!

Note: *= Anything with this means I couldn’t directly tag the user’s name. (Please contact me and I will edit it so that it works!)

FAQ ✨

Q: Is there a word limit? A: Nope, there is no word limit! ;) Although it will be ideal if the fic in general is a complete work!

Without further ado, here are the wishes received for the challenge! ♥

Requester: @kimmycup Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Invasion fic where Tony figures out Loki was mind controlled before Loki does: "But I WAS in control. Thanos didn't control me like I did Clint." "Yeah sure. And if you wanted to take over the world, what would you do?" Loki spluttered, fully aware that plan was dumb. Still, he would KNOW if he were controlled... Right? "But I wasn't mind controlled! It was me!"

Requester: @kimmycup Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki in Tony's MIT sweatshirt.

Requester: @worstloki Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: nothing nsfw please >:) Wish (Prompt/Idea): Tony and Loki both having panic attacks at the same time. just make it wild. whatever the reasons are, maybe it's the same reason? maybe they have shared triggers? maybe it's separate reasons? maybe the other avengers are around and don't realize the incoming attacks and keep bringing up bad memories? maybe one of them notices the other is freaking out and defends them? maybe drags them away only to also start having a panic attack? whatever. they're both freaking out and just kinda do that. they then bond over it. (this can be crack or angsty I don't mind)

Requester: Nivael * Rating: E (Explicit) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): I’d always had that idea in my head, that Loki somehow took notice of Tony during the events of Thor 1, when he was on earth/watched Thor on earth.He fell in love with the mortal that was at the same time so different yet similar to him. So when he fell from the Rainbow bridge and into Thanos’ hands he planned to sabotage earths invasion from the very start to save Tony. Fast forward to at least after the end of Thor 2, (when Loki takes Odin’s place in the MCU) Loki escapes to earth after Thor thinks he’s been killed by the dark elves. He knows Thanos won’t rest until the infinity stones are his and the earth is still in danger. So he watches Tony to keep him save. With all the self hatred and lack of self esteem he harbors, he does not plan to actually act on his feelings, because he does not think he could be worthy of Tony. Plus, he invaded earth, caused lots of casualties, he’s an ugly Frost giant and the god of lies...so... yeah. He cannot think of one reason why Tony could be interested in him.But his feelings draw him to Stark and one day while following him, Loki gets careless and Tony discovers him. (Maybe Loki even discreetly intervenes a few times when Tony is in danger and Tony doesn’t notice until one day he does...?). So Stark confronts him and bit by bit (because Loki is not very cooperative and the least he wants is for Tony to discover his "ugly" emotional secret) he uncovers the truth about Thanos, the invasion and how Loki feels for him. I can imagine Loki to react ashamed, dismissive and maybe aggressive when Tony finally finds out. Tony, not being stupid, already suspected something to be fishy about the invasion. With how much Thor told him about Lokis wit and cleverness, he finds it hard to believe that Loki would make so many obvious mistakes. But now that he knows, all makes sense.Loki still watches over Tony, but keeps his distance. Until one day he saves Tonys life during a (random) attack and gets badly injured. With Lokis life on the line Stark realizes he has feelings for Loki and he takes him in to take care of his wounds. Healing takes some time so the two have plenty of time to get to know each other and deepen their feelings. Smut may follow :D (Oh... I am SO SORRY this became so much. God, it is too much, isn’t it? And sorry for my english o.o)

Requester: Nivael * Rating: E (Explicit) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki and Tony are in an established relationship. Things go great, but Loki is still unaccepting of his Jotun heritage and body. While Tony is completely fascinated by it, partly because Loki tries to hide it so hard. So he gets a fancy magical gadget from Strange (amulet, bracelet,...?) to be able to avoid frostbite so he can touch Loki even when he's in his Jotun form. Then there will be smut! :D

Requester: @brianadoesart Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): MERMAIDS. I like mermaids. Either a fic or art, but I just want more content of mer-Loki or mer-Tony. I always enjoy versions where Loki is an underwater prince who falls in love with a stupid human inventor by the name of Tony. He's never been 100% happy in the palace with Thor and the others, so he often would go to the shore to watch the humans. He sees Tony working on the beach one day and becomes interested in him from there on. Basically a little mermaid type thing... I am easy to please. I just like mermaids.

Requester: @brianadoesart Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): A.... Among Us au....... Impostor Loki protecting his crewmate friend Tony from the other impostors.... I..... Tony and Loki as Among Us beans...

Requester: @arandomsewer Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: Mentions of trauma and past abuse and racism, maybe sex? Just some drama and comfort Wish (Prompt/Idea): I just want him to live on and being supported by his Friends and his brother recognizing him, that's basically the prompt. Tho here's the details of the Idea I had: Loki is living at the tower with the others (of course) too proud to say out loud how much he likes life on earth... The usual.Something happens and suddenly the magic that made him look Asgardian is just not working anymore. Understandably, he freaks out. Im talking hides in his room, crying, anger, hate, on himself and others... The whole lot, he just throws a major fit.The others know him and kind of understand and are patient... But it’s not getting fixed. Days pass, and he's stuck like this. After a while Tony snaps him out of It, and he slowly calms down and starts learning to accept this side of himself. It’s specially strange to him how he can just walk in a room and no one treats him different. How the others are even fascinated by this form. I expect Thor being shocked and curious and snapped at and reminded how he (and his people on general) have been unfair to Loki... And of course, there's the romance with Tony, Who loves him in all his forms (and they fit together 'cause he's kinky and Loki a shapeshifter)Also imagine Loki being terrified of touching Tony and then finding out he's cold to the touch but not actually dangerous (my headcanon: he's the son of Hella. Half giant and half Asgardian, and the actual heir... But that's for another fic)

Requester: @brianadoesart Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Tony has been living alone for so long that Pepper and Rhodey decide to find him a roommate. They've tried living with him themselves, but they're both so busy it didn't really help Tony's loneliness. So they put out an ad for someone who specifically works from home. Choosing to keep it secret WHO they need a roommate for, they get some applicants, but not the crazy amount they normally would. Rhodey and Pepper go through all the applicants, even meet with them, and they choose a nice, smart author named Loki. He's the perfect candidate- he's even excited by the idea that his new roommate has no idea he's even GETTING a roommate. He finds it funny. They introduce Loki and Tony and sit back and watch everything unfold. Obviously it ends up with Tony and Loki falling for each other in the end, but seeing the shenanigans of them trying to cohabitate would be hilarious. Just watching them learn each other and begin to care about each other. I would like to see it.

Requester: @brianadoesart Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Cupcake shop au!!! One of our boys owns a cupcake shop and the other one is a FREQUENT visitor to said coffee shop. Lots of people think its because they have a sweet tooth, but they're just hopelessly in love with whichever one owns the shop.

Requester: @loufeysson Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Hi! my prompt is teenage Tony and android Loki in a futuristic universe (in the style of Black Mirror, maybe?) 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 Thank you!

Requester: @blancoluna Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: CRACK, haha Wish (Prompt/Idea): Basically Friga wonders where she went wrong, asks the Oracle and goes on a guilt trip realizing she messed up to Valhalla and back. The idea is, being a queen-godess of family, she should be able to do something about it, maybe traveling in time or something... And Loki's gonna need powerful allies and Friends, like the Avengers, for example Now the same, but with detail. This is the way I imagined It. Perhaps it’s too much drama? I just don't know how to tackle It or how to go from here:After everything that happened, Frigga wonders where she went wrong, not just with Loki, but with Thor who didn't appreciate his brother, Odín, who treated him unfairly and even the servants, Who didn't respect him.She wonders if she could have done anything, and the guilt wont let her sleep until she goes to the well of wisdom, the Oracle, to seek answers.She is warned the truth may be even more painful. She may not like the answer... But she goes in.It is way worse than she thought: in one second she is reminded of all the times she should have acted, and chose not to, and she sees how It affected her family.She could and should have done something, and she had plenty of time, but at every chance she chose not to. And its perhaps worse than what Odin did because she knew It was wrong but chose to do nothing about It.But even more: It is confirmed to her that not only Odín never gave Loki a chance: he didn't find him. He stole him from the temple where he was guarded. He is not just the son of Louffey, but also of Hella, and thus, the actual heir to the throne of Asgard.She was supposed to be the godess of family, and here she was, consumed by guilt and shame, by having followed blindly a King Who abused her children and betrayed his own heir, aside from many other crimes.But Frigga can't just spend the test of eternity crying. She must do something. She was raised by witches!!Will she manage to get her hands on the time Stone? Or Will she just travel to another dimension to warn a younger version of herself? Will this be the beginning of a new multiverse? The possibilities are endless, when the godess of family must avenge her child...But first: for him to have a better Life he would need support, allies... Friends. (Enter the Avengers)

Add-on: Frigga having this vision was just meant to be a one shot that would connect many different alternative stories, all with the 'what if Frigga did something for Loki' as a common base. All of them would be Frostiron 'cause I honestly believe they are just meant for one another! It is just so open to so many possibilities... That I never got to writing any of them.

One of the first ideas I had following this concept was of Frigga introducing Tony and Loki early on somehow: as kids they would be like 'imaginary friends' then Tony manages to contact him and they are webcam buds... As young adults, they would help each other go a different path than they did in other lives.... and when Loki needed help, he had allies to back him. (The Avengers, whom Tony may have introduced to him earlier)

Requester: @snarkyship Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Human/no powers AU. Sort-of-enemies to friends to lovers.Tony rents this house/bungalow by the sea for the summer, with a kind of private beach where there is also a cute gazebo. Only that the gazebo is exactly halfway with the other property (by some mistake?). And the tenant of the neighbour bungalow is Loki, who's not so keen on sharing. So Loki&Tony will start a "war" to gain possession of the gazebo, doing their worst using the excuse of "this is my half, I can use it as I want". ((Optional: there is a table right in the middle, so at the beginning they sit at their own side glaring at each other, before starting deploying more convoluted tactics)).Mischief after mischief, they will start to know each other and of course everything will end with one of them inviting the other to their half for a romantic dinner and they'll end up sharing more than the gazebo <3((I hope it's enough clear and but also not too detailed??))

Requester: @snarkyship Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Finally Tony has managed to locate Loki's whereabouts. And it turns out the godling lives in a pretty loft in Manhattan, with all the comforts and the most advanced midgardian technology ((lighting, temperature and everything controlled by a tablet - the Stark latest model!- , appliances linked to the wifi, and has that roomba a knife??)).Tony decides to have a little fun: who said Loki is the only one who can do a little mischief?? So he takes control over Loki's apartment hacking its system; he starts with some flickering lights, the roomba changing suddenly trajectory to stab him, then blasting music in the middle of the night and so on.And Loki would be so frustrated: at the beginning he thinks about some failure in the inferior midgardian technology, then he'll think to be under attack, but he can't feel any magic signature!! Maybe he'll freak out a little, because there is some kind of unknown entity??? ((And while he may be using all the technology without problems, it doesn't mean he fully understands its working)).Tony will have fun, but he also will discover some cute aspects of Loki's personality, like he sings to his plants and he likes to wear fuzzy socks ((ok it sounds voyeuristic, but Tony would respect part Loki's privacy, maybe he'll spy on him only when in the living room or kitchen)).((And maybe he would help Loki as well? Like, the godling had a nightmare after falling asleep on the couch, and Tony would gently woke him up with music))Loki will eventually understand that Stark, the most clever midgardian, was behind all of this, and well, he's the God of Mischief, he can appreciate a well planned trick. Time to return the favor ;)

Requester: @martiszcz Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Someone is trying to break them up by making Loki jealous, mentioning Tony's playboy years, talking about the time they slept with Tony, talking about how much time he spends with some friend (Pepper, Rhodey, I don't care who) but Loki doesn't react - they trust each other.

Requester: @shinindragon Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): The Avengers + Loki fight a villain. Loki uses a lot of his magic, eventually almost draining his energy completely when he protects Tony from getting hurt. When the battle is over, they return to the tower, all of them exhausted. Tony notices Loki doesn't look well, he asks if he's okay. Loki barely gets a word out before he collapses into Tony's arms, unconscious. Thor carries Loki to Tony's and his bedroom, explaining to Tony that he'll be alright, it's just exhaustion from an excessive use of magic. Tony stays with Loki, taking care of him. Fluff and with a sprinkle of angst.

Requester: @lightneverfades (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) or M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Detroit: Become Human AU - Young Tony Stark is neglected by his father, who is the CEO of CyberLife corporation. He craves for his attention and approval but doesn’t get it, causing him to become so bitter one day that he sneaks into one of the labs to sabotage whatever work he is doing. Tony comes across an abandoned RK800 model (also known as ‘Loki’), about to be taken apart for parts. He salvages the model before it gets destroyed, feeling sorry for this inanimate object that’s being thrown away so carelessly. He rebuilds Loki again in secret, and Loki becomes his friend through lonely times (Tony is there to help Loki understand humans, life, language, etc and Loki just keeps Tony company). Tragedy strikes the Stark family though, when his parents die in a car accident. Loki is there to help him and as Tony starts to grow up and become a man (he continues to fix Loki when he breaks down or updates him), Loki’s system starts to show signs similar to that of human emotions, although Tony is completely unaware of this. At a certain point though, Tony - in one of his bad moods - decides that he doesn’t need Loki anymore and shuts him down and puts him away in storage, resolving to move on with life without these ‘distractions’ to keep him company (image a scene where Tony is angry and throws that frustration and loneliness onto Loki, who tries to calm him down and sooth away his anxiety (’I understand you’) but Tony’s all (‘But you’re just a machine!’) and although Tony isn’t aware, Loki feels a spark of hurt, though even he can’t explain what this emotion means.) Years pass and eventually Tony forgets about Loki. He earns a name for himself, having taken over his father’s company (which still creates androids and in addition, creates weaponry of mass destruction as well). Obadiah is watching over Tony’s company (he is the one who ‘suggested’ he focus on building a name for himself and to shut out any ‘distractions’ that get in the way: namely Loki. Over the years, he saw how Tony interacted with the android and he had the uneasy sense that the android had matured into something more than its primary use. He considers Loki a threat). The events of Iron Man happen, with Tony being captured by the Ten Rings and then escaping. During his days confined at home to recover, he stumbles upon Loki and decides to reboot him again (partly out of guilt and partly because he’s lonely again). He finds comfort with Loki once more. Tony decides to crash the charity party by making an appearance with Loki as his ‘bodyguard’. Obadiah sees this and is not happy about this strange attachment Tony has over this android. Loki helps Tony build his first prototypes of the Iron Man suit, and they get to reacquaint themselves. One day, Loki sees on the news that there are a number of deviant android cases and is confused by what he sees, but it soon dawns on him that he might be feeling emotions for Tony, finally understanding the true meaning, especially when Tony is injured (while Loki is out on an errand) and Obadiah ambushes Tony by stealing the mini arc reactor in his chest. Shortly afterwards, to spite Tony, Obadiah hacks into Loki’s system and tries to eradicate the ‘deviancy’ he sensed in Loki years ago and turn the android against Tony (he tries to make Loki kill him). It doesn’t work - on the contrary, it finally frees Loki. Together, Tony and Loki go against Obadiah, who is intent on destroying them and taking over CyberLife corp.

Requester: @lightneverfades (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: Sickly, happy song cliches! xD Hah! Wish (Prompt/Idea): In which Tony or Loki (you can choose) is cursed by Amora to relive a week in which their lives suddenly become a musical and everyone around them spontaneously bursts into dance and song. (I have this image of Loki bursting into song about something ridiculous and Tony’s like, “What the HELL, what’s going on!”). This could either be enemies-to-lovers or it could start from them already being in a relationship. Bonus points if the Avengers team all burst into song together and there’s actually lyrics!! (Then I can actually make up a tune/sing it during the last month of 2020 so this year ends with rainbows and fluff and HAPPY FROSTIRON THOUGHTS! XD)

Requester: @lightneverfades (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) or M (Mature) Trigger warning: FLUFF OVERLOAD! <3 Mpreg (might not be everyone’s cup of tea) Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki has a kid with Tony (eeehehe, go all in with the loving and caring Tony fussing over his pregnant enemy-turned-boyfriend-turned-husband), calls her Morgan. Tony is obsessed with buying baby clothes for their daughter to the point where he has a closet dedicated to socks (lol he can’t get enough of small baby clothes and the potential to make his daughter look like a rainbow?!). Lol, I don’t even know! Just domestic bliss I guess! <3 Bonus points if Tony buys Christmas sweaters for his fam, including the Avengers, who dote on baby Morgan like their own (Thor with his anime eyes). Or even better, if baby Morgan grows up and plays little tricks on Uncle Thor and Loki and Tony chuckle in the background as Thor lets his niece do whatever she wants, cause he loves him too much to care, lol~

Requester: @lightneverfades (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: CRACK, haha Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki is a yoga instructor and one day Tony goes to one of his classes and finds out the best positions to ‘relax’ - body, mind and soul >:D. (I love puns, so go crazy hahaha!)

#frostiron #frostiron holiday wishes challenge #christmas #yayyyy #challenge #tony/loki #ironfrost #loki/tony #au #fanfic #prompts #fills #requests #so many cool ideas #i am shameless in that i have submitted four prompts to my own challenge lol but i am selfish hahaha

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taexual · 5 years

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HOLIC - 29 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angsty fluff

words: 6.6k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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You were right to think that no matter how many times you’d hear Jaebum play his song, you would always feel the most intense emotions that no human was supposed to feel all at once. You were aware now that it was your feelings for him that strengthened the effect his songs had on you and you still couldn’t help yourself but watch him in awe.

Jaebum hummed to himself when he toyed around with the song – and once accidentally raised the pitch so high, both of you have nearly gone deaf (which, of course, prompted you suggest he changed his psuedonym to deafsoul but Jaebum merely snorted, not appreciating the joke) – and just the sight of him with his eyes squeezed shut as he lost himself in the lyrics he’d written was enough for your chest to clench in pain. He was so devastatingly beautiful and so extraordinarily talented, it was simply unfair for you to sit so far away from him and simply watch as he reached over the equipment, lowering the bass on the sound speakers.

You found yourself wishing it was you he was reaching over to touch but, when Jaebum’s eyes landed on yours – he must have asked you something but you were too busy dying to have him close to you to hear what it was – you shook it all off and went back to the play-pretend the two of you offered each other, where you dismissed your previous kiss and completely ignored whatever feelings you may have had, carrying on with your lives instead.

“Huh?” you asked, confused.

“I asked for your opinion,” Jaebum replied, a good-natured – albeit a little teasing – smile on his face. “But you look bored.”

“I’m not bored,” you disagreed. Truly, you were the furthest thing from bored. “I was just a little distracted. By the song, I mean. It’s good! I told you, no matter what you do with it, it’s still going to be good.”

“Yeah, but which version of “good” is the best one?” he asked, bringing his hand through his hair and thus, tousling it to the point where he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and you weren’t sure if your lungs hadn’t suddenly collapsed at the sight.

“The first one,” you said, not having to think about this too much – which surprised Jaebum. “The very first one that Jackson played me.”

“Really? Why?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because that was the first time I heard your music. It was just special in that way, you know? I think I like that version the most.”

He wanted to say something but, all of a sudden, he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, you’d hear how fast his heart had started to beat at your words. He settled on nodding instead and then tried to conceal his softening gaze by looking away from you and then, surprising you by playing the original version of the song out loud.

Jaebum didn’t speak and instead allowed the music to fill the empty, throbbing space between the two of you. You both listened in silence, each lost in your own minds.

You didn’t know what Jaebum was thinking – you just hoped he wasn’t still nitpicking everything about the song – but your mind was occupied by the source of heaviness inside of your chest; coincidentally, the person, guilty of your simultaneously relieving as well as painfully difficult breathing, was sitting right in front of you.

It had been obvious to you – and to him, too, probably – that you were in love with him but it was suddenly terrifying to know that falling in love was not the end. It wasn’t the last stop in your bus of feelings-I-should-have-never-caught. Admitting to yourself that you’d fallen for him was merely one of the few stops along the way – as you’d come to realize with a terrified pang in your chest – because you knew that the more you were going to watch Jaebum, completely lost in his element, the harder you were going to fall for him.

You cleared your throat as an attempt to get rid of the prodding urge to open your mouth and finally let the words you’ve kept bottled up spill out in a stream of endless confessions until, finally, your chest wasn’t so full and heavy of this quiet, torturous love.

“How does it sound?” you asked weakly.

Jaebum sighed, leaning against his office chair and throwing his head back. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do.”

“So, how about you don’t do anything, then?”

He shook his head – or tried to without breaking his neck – and you were the one sighing this time.

“You’re changing all of these little things about the song,” you said, focusing all of your mind on the task at hand, “when the most important thing is the message. And you’re sending a powerful message here. A message about independence and complete control of your own life. And, unless you change the lyrics and record it all over again, the message won’t change.”

Jaebum lifted his head to look at you. “You think I should record it again?”

You groaned, wanting nothing more than to stand up, grab his shoulders and shake some knowledge into him.

“No. You’re missing my point,” you replied as patiently as you could manage. “The song is great. What you’re doing right now won’t make it any less or – frankly – any more great. You’ve done all you could do. You’ve achieved peak greatness.”

He snorted, sounding like a little child as he spoke, “you sound annoyed.”

“You sound sensitive,” you shot back.

“I—” he paused, intrigued by your sudden change of demeanor. “I am. You know I am.”

“Yeah, well, I told you, it’s tough love time,” you took a deep breath, “the song is great, Jaebum. I promise.”

An unexpected smile suddenly stretched across his features as he momentarily considered your words.

“I like the sound of that,” he muttered quietly then.

You raised your eyebrows. “The sound of me making promises about things I actually have no control of, and therefore, promises that don’t mean much?”

“No, your promises do mean much,” he shook his head and then looked right at you as he continued, “but I meant my name. You don’t say it enough.”

You didn’t know how or when that happened but Jaebum had somehow become the sole cause for every extra beat of your heart and every time he said something that made your heart race, you could almost see the effect it had on him. He was just responding to your flustered state but the sight of his grin widening was almost like a subtle way for him to let you know that he knew what his words did to you. And he loved it.

“Enough?” you repeated. The surprise of having heard this mixed with the already boiling feelings for him inside of your stomach all while you tried to keep your voice steady. “Is there a number of times I should be saying it?”

“If there is, you’re certainly not reaching it.”

Smiling now – and, consequently, making him smile too – you bit, “well, I apologize, Jaebum.”

He smirked. “There we go.”

You went on, not stopping now, “submit the song, Jaebum. It can’t get better than it is now.”

His satisfied expression suddenly turned into a thoughtful one as he exhaled, leaning back on the chair again. You watched his chest rise and fall a few times – a hypnotizing sight, truly – before he sat up properly and gave you a nod.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m going to quit altering it. It’s on you now if the song hasn’t reached its full potential.”

You gasped at the accusation. “Hey! That sounds an awful lot like blame shifting.”

Jaebum cocked his eyebrows. “Is there any blame to be shifted? Do you think the song could still be—”

“No,” you cut him off, standing up and approaching him in his seat. You thought you saw him swallow nervously when you reached him but you assumed you’d only imagined that as you leaned down after having placed your hands on his shoulders. This was it. He needed to hear what you were saying and not just listen, so you gave him a reassuring look and squeezed the space above his collarbones with your fingertips before repeating, “it’s good, Jaebum. The song is great. There is nothing else you can do now. Stop looking for reasons to postpone this and just do it.”

Swallowing once more – all while you tried desperately not to trace the movement of his Adam’s apple with your eyes – Jaebum spent another few moments just looking into your eyes, anticipating something. Eventually, he blinked – against his will, really, because he was convinced that every milisecond he’d spent not looking at you, when you were so close he could see every little line and wrinkle on your face, was a milisecond wasted – and exhaled slowly.

“You’re sick of this, aren’t you?” he asked then. You thought he was still joking around and you would have certainly teased him had you not stood close enough to him to see the vulnerability in his eyes. He’d tried to cover it each time he talked but you’ve left him no choice but to be honest when you’d moved closer.

“Of what?” you asked, not wanting to misunderstand something in a situation that—just like every other situation that involved Jaebum’s music—was so important.

“Of staying here with me while I go back and forth on my decision to send the song to my supervisors,” he replied but you were already shaking your head after hearing the first part of the sentence.

“I’m never sick,” you started and then inhaled before finishing, “of staying anywhere with you.”

It was the kind of moment where two people felt red lights and sirens going off inside of their chests. The kind of moment where not kissing felt like an abomination. Like a forceful refusal to follow the nature’s path.

You weren’t going to deviate from what the universe had intended as you felt your eyes shift to his lips and then realized that Jaebum had—tentatively—moved closer to you. It had to happen. You needed it to happen.

But, naturally, it did not as a loud and unexpected buzzing interrupted the moment, immediately breaking the spell.

Startled, you blinked and removed your hands from Jaebum’s shoulders before turning around to the source of the sound. It was your phone, vibrating wildly on the hardwood floors of the studio.

“You should—” Jaebum spoke up, the words getting stuck in his throat because he hadn’t yet managed to find a way to finish the sentence. What should you have done? Picked the phone up? Ignored it and turned back around to him so he could have kissed you and, most likely, thrown your relationship into an even bigger vortex of endless unresolved feelings? Neither of these outcomes seemed good enough and yet Jaebum sighed and decided, “you should probably get that.”

“Hmm,” a sigh passed your lips – the disappointment finding its way out of your chest – as you walked back to where you’d been sitting before and picked your phone up.

The caller’s ID just amplified your dismay.

“It’s Jiho,” you announced – not really thinking better – and turned around. “Probably calling to ask about the exhibition.”

Still overwhelmed from the moment the two of you had shared not too long ago, Jaebum didn’t have enough time to control his reflexive reaction at the mention of the photographer’s name and frowned.

“A-are you going to answer?” he asked, trying to play his sudden irritation off by looking away from you and refocusing his attention on his laptop.

You could tell he was hoping for the negative and, shamelessly, you gave him exactly that.

“No,” you said much to his relief. “He’s probably not even sure if I came or not, so he’s only calling to check.”

The scoff that passed Jaebum’s lips was supposed to showcase his disbelief as well as annoyance. “Do you think he’s called everyone he knows?”

“Honestly?” you waited until the phone stopped vibrating before you put it back down on the floor and turned around to continue, “yeah. I actually wouldn’t put it past him. Jiho is someone who cares about the public’s opinion of him a lot.”

Jaebum didn’t seem to think so as the same displeased expression remained on his otherwise stoic features. The special moment of magic between you and him had long passed and you sat back down on the settee, stretching your legs in front of you.

“Anyway,” you spoke then, “I’ll text him later to explain or something. Right now, I—”

“Why is it so necessary for you to explain every detail to him?” Jaebum asked, not really meaning to sound as accusing as he did.

“Because I think ghosting people is rude,” you replied, surprised to hear him even inquire about this.

“That’s not ghosting,” Jaebum disagreed. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“Well, he invited me to his exhibition and I didn’t show up,” you spoke. “So, actually, I do think I owe him an explanation.”

“You told him you weren’t going to be there anyway. How many times are you going to explain yourself to him?” Jaebum continued, lifting his eyes to meet yours. For the briefest of moments, he reminded you so much of the Jaebum you’d met when you first moved in with him – the cold, closed-off jackass with barely any consideration for other people’s feelings. You frowned, not understanding what had brought this façade back.

“I’m just trying to be polite,” you said, your arms crossed over your chest defensively. “I mean, I don’t find talking to him particularly enjoyable, either, but, technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“No?” something akin to a sneer was on his face now. “Just lead you on, then, but that’s not a big deal, right?”

Your frown deepened. “W-what—why are we arguing about this? No, hold on, let me rephrase that—what are we arguing about?”

“We’re not arguing,” he cut shortly, returning to his laptop and pressing a few buttons on it. “I’m just pointing out your inability to let certain things go.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I don’t understand why you’re holding onto him like that. You told me you don’t want anything to do with him, so why the hell are you even bothering—”

“Because I’m a decent human being,” you cut him off, forcing him to roll his eyes. “And, frankly, it’s not his fault I misunderstood him and—”

“It’s not your fault, either,” Jaebum snapped back, not looking at you. “And, personally, I would never want to keep a person like that in my life.”

“A person like what, exactly? He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

A moment of silence passed between you before Jaebum raised his head from the screen of his computer, his dejected expression registering in your mind and helping you realize what repeating the words you’ve said before made you sound like.

“You’re defending him?” he asked you in a hollow voice.

“I—” you started to say but the expectant look in his eyes made it difficult for you to decide what the right answer in this situation was. “I’m just saying… And, anyway, I’m not trying to keep him in my life. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing for whom?” Jaebum persisted, making you clench your jaw. “Because I don’t really think the right thing for you is to keep in touch with someone who only sees you as a social connection. As someone with a face that’s pretty enough to bring him attention. You’re, honestly, just a decoration to him.”

“A deco—” you stopped, not having thought of it that way. “T-that still doesn’t mean I should just ignore him.”

“Right. Sure. Carry on and let him treat you like one pretty little flower inside of his enormous vase.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Is there a hidden meaning? Are you subtly trying to call me names here?”

“I’m not trying anything,” he said. “But he’s clearly just trying to gather a collection of beautiful girls he can use to his advantage and if you think I’m ever going to condone that kind of behavior or support you condoning it, then I’m sorry, but you’re really fucking delusional.”

Suddenly feeling hurt, you swallowed slowly.

“And this is coming from someone who’s probably slept with half the women in the city,” you snapped back.

Jaebum’s eyes widened for just a moment before he regained his balance. “Right. Unlike your precious Jiho, though, I always made my intentions clear. Not one person out of the list of people I’ve slept with had ever thought something would grow out of that one-night-stand.”

You scoffed, too entangled in the whirlpool of emotions to control your mouth. “That’s what you think.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean that these are just your thoughts,” you snarled with a roll of your eyes. “You just think that these girls don’t care about seeing you again but it doesn’t mean that that’s the case.”

“No, I’ve always made it explicitly clear that we weren’t going to be seeing each other again.”

“How? By sleeping with them and then disappearing?”

“No. By using my words.”

“I don’t remember you using your words for that particular purpose with me.”

Silence again. The night at the bar – more than a month ago – had returned to both of your memories, frighteningly vivid. You realized at once that the only time you’ve ever mentioned your not-really-a-one-night-stand was after it’d happened and never in a way that obviously showcased your bitterness about the morning that had come after.

You’ve never talked about it after you two had allowed your friendship to develop and not even the kiss you’ve shared after having lived together for over a month could have provoked you to bring that night up out loud. But now that the memory was there, planted firmly inside of both of your minds at the same time, you realized that this was just one of many topics that the two of you had pushed under the rug and moved on.

“I—I didn’t think it was going to be just a one-night-stand with you,” Jaebum admitted with great difficulty.

“What?”

Another moment of silence followed as Jaebum attempted to gather his thoughts. Although, truth be told, you thought he wasn’t trying to find the right words at all; you thought he was trying to find a way to get out of this situation and change the topic so he wouldn’t have to explain what he’d just said.

But Jaebum continued, much to your surprise. And the words that he spoke sounded like they belonged in an alternate reality where you and him were actually in control of your decisions and weren’t just victims of irrational impulses brought on by your desperate wishes to have each other close.

“I thought it was going to be something more. I genuinely liked you,” he said, his eyes burning into yours with the same feverish rage – he was angry to have found himself admitting something he never thought he was going to be ready to admit – even if the words that passed his lips were soft. “But then you took me home and told me you were moving elsewhere. I was moving, too, at the time. I thought there was not a single chance in hell I was going to see you again because, fuck, what were the odds of us moving into the same neighborhood, let alone the same apartment? So, I dropped the hopes of us developing a relationship and focused on the moment. Fuck, I never imagined I’d see you again less than twenty-four hours later.”

Your first thought after hearing this was that Kiera had called this. She was the one who responded to your desperate text messages on the morning after Jaebum disappeared from your apartment and she was the one who had deduced that Jaebum was the boyfriend type, not the one-night-stand type. You thought she was talking out of her ass back then.

God, were you glad you were sitting down as you listened to him now.

“W-why—” you wanted to ask him so many things but, in the end, you only chose to focus on the most important one. “Why didn’t you say that before?”

He shook his head, almost smiling at the absurdity of your question. “After getting to know me so well, do you really expect me to just give you one reason?”

He was right.

There was Suji. There was his genuine inability to talk about his feelings. There was his pride which would have undoubtedly been injured had he confessed the truth immediately after seeing you again – he wasn’t the kind of person who opened his heart to someone if there was a risk of getting turned down. And, most importantly, there was the fact that the two of you were suddenly living together; and, no matter how ideal it seemed to share a living space with someone you had feelings for, it was, without a doubt, not the healthiest decision for most developing relationships. Yours, especially. People needed to be away from each other sometimes.

“Why didn’t you act like it, then?” you tried. “Why did you—you broke my bed, for fuck’s sake. What was the point of being such a huge asshole to me if—”

“We’d made a bet, there was no way I was going to lose.”

“Uh-huh. Why did you turn the hot water off, then?”

“You started that fight,” he pointed out. “I was just getting back at you for stealing my bed and then leaving my water bottles out in the sun.”

“I wouldn’t have done any of those things if you hadn’t broken my bed and then woken me up with the stupid blenders the next morning!”

“I only woke you up because—”

“Okay, fine!” you cut him off, noticing that the fight had headed in a different direction all of a sudden. “It still makes no sense.”

“What do you mean?”

You didn’t know what you meant because your brain had a hard time processing this new information. He’d just openly admitted that he was interested in a potential relationship with you and, as unlikely as that seemed, all you really wanted to know was if he had changed his mind now. You couldn’t make any assumptions about it based solely on his actions – because, excluding the kiss, everything else he did could have still been considered borderline friendly – but, God, you wanted to.

If you looked at the bigger picture instead of focusing on the separate details like the kiss, or his words each time you fought, then, yes, it would have seemed as though there was a chance that Jaebum had feelings for you and had not, in fact, changed his mind about wanting a relationship with you. You’ve considered this possibility before – and then successfully crashed your car into a roadside pole – but you’ve never really stopped and thought about it.

And now this realization – Jaebum, being genuinely interested in you romantically – hit you with a force so strong, you felt nervous shivers course up and down your body. But even as your mind turned into an endless stream of exclamation points – all of them screaming, “shit! Listen to that! He has feelings for you, too! He might even want to date you!” – you still remained doubtful because fuck, there was just no way this was your life now.

“I just—” you spoke again because Jaebum’s eyes were still on you, “you were so—it’s just not possible that you’ve actually considered—”

“It’s not possible?” he interrupted. “I don’t think that’s the word you were looking for. I think you just find it much easier and more convenient to believe that I’m an asshole than to realize that, hey, I have feelings, too.”

Your eyes narrowed. “That you try to hide so desperately.”

He listened to your snarky voice with a small smirk on his lips. “I’m not hiding them anymore, am I?”

Your heart might as well have worked as a substitute for a power plant because you were certain its rapid beating could have lit the whole continent up.

“What else are you going to tell me?” you said. “Is there another situation where I’ve misunderstood something because that’s, apparently, more convenient for me?”

“Well, Jiho—”

You groaned just at the sound of him mentioning his name again. “God, let’s not go back to him again.”

“I’m just saying,” he replied and then went back to typing on his laptop. This was, clearly, his way to avoid eye contact. “He’s a shady guy with some questionable morals.”

“He’s not shady,” you insisted. “And why do you keep acting like you know him so well?”

“Do you know him well?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Well, you know me well,” Jaebum stated, pausing to glance at you because he had a feeling you were going to have a hard time believing this, too. “And I don’t like him. And whenever I don’t like someone, it’s not without a reason.”

You scoffed. “Okay. So, you’re saying I should just trust your judgment?”

He threw his hands in the air, his eyes screaming ‘duh’ as he shouted, “yes!”

The exasperation in his voice washed off on you. “Alright, fine! I won’t text him anything then.”

“Fine!” Jaebum agreed, clapping his hands for more effect.

Continuing with the screaming, you demanded, “so, how about you actually go back to your song and just submit it now, for the love of God?!”

“I’ve already submitted it!”

“You—” you leaped to your feet, “y-you’ve already submitted it?”

“Oh, fuck,” Jaebum was suddenly in disbelief, too. His fingers had moved automatically – after typing the e-mail to his supervisors and attaching the .mp3 file, he must have pressed the ‘send’ button as a reflex while he was too busy talking to you. “I-I’ve submitted it. I’ve sent it. It’s done.”

Suddenly, the previous revelation didn’t mean as much as this did and you crossed the room in record speed, only stopping in front of Jaebum for one split second before throwing your arms around his neck in a congratulatory hug that took him off guard for just the quickest moment. He recovered from the surprise soon enough and you felt him exhale in relief against your hair as his arms found their way around your waist. The size difference when he was sitting down and you were towering over him – your legs locked between his thighs and your waist trapped in his arms – somehow made the hug feel more intimate

“I’m so happy to hear that,” you whispered into his shoulder. “They will love it.”

“God, I hope so,” his voice was so full emotion, it was almost impossible that these were just the feelings caused by the sudden possibility of getting his song played on the radio.

And maybe your hug wasn’t exacly just a display of joy because of that, either. Maybe it was a way to release the pent-up emotions without crossing any more lines that, you were sure, would have inflicted a full-on existential crisis upon you or, in a disastrous scenario, would have jeopardized everything you and Jaebum have worked on.

There was nothing you feared more than ruining what the two of you had now. You’ve just argued again – so much like in the so-called old days – but, you had to admit, it was different this time. It seemed more open now. More honest. More tender, even.

And then, as Jaebum stood up to hug you back properly, his warm embrace tightening – he showed no signs of letting you go now that you’ve made the first step and actually hugged him – you realized that perhaps, there wasn’t really a way to ruin this anymore. Perhaps you and him have already explored every possible outcome, walked on every edge, successfully crossed every bridge, and had come out standing. Perhaps, no matter what was thrown at you, you already had an arsenal of solutions ready to fight it with and win, against all odds.

Sighing in content, you snuggled your head into his shoulder – catching the subtle hitch in his breath after you did – and felt his hands gently caress your back in a comforting manner that seemed to remove every remaining ounce of worry from your body, even though it should have been you easing his stress about the song.

“Let’s go,” Jaebum whispered. “I’ve done all I could do here. Let’s go home now.”

You pulled away slightly to give him an agreeing nod and then tried to take a step away from him but he caught your hand in his, not letting you put too much distance between you two.

“Thank you,” he said when you raised your eyes to his to give him a questioning look. “For having enough patience to deal with me.”

It sounded like he wasn’t just thanking you for the long time it took him to finally send the song to his supervisors but, rather, for all that had gone down at the studio tonight and maybe even for all that had gone down in your relationship since you’ve met.

“You’re welcome,” you told him with a timid smile because he was still holding your hand and you weren’t able to find a different way to express your utter lack of anger towards anything he’d said or done today. Or any other day, in retrospective. He had you right in the palm of his hand – literally, at the moment – and you weren’t going to fight it. “Should we head out, then?”

“Mmhmm,” he nodded, closing his laptop and then picking it up with one hand because his other one was busy holding yours. “Let’s stop by the store on our way back, though. I feel like getting drunk tonight.”

Your smile widened at this proposition as the two of you headed for the door of the studio, hand-in-hand, as if that was the most usual thing you’ve ever done.

“Isn’t it too early to celebrate?” you asked, grabbing your phone on the way and then allowing Jaebum to walk you out and attempt to lock the door of the studio with one hand because he still refused to let you go.

“It’s not a celebration,” he replied. “I owe you.”

You shook your head as the two of you began to make your way down the hall and towards the elevator.

“You don’t owe me anything,” you said. “I don’t mind being here for you if you need me. And, if anything, it’s me who owes you for looking after me after the accident.”

“All the more reason to get drunk,” Jaebum said. “It’s been quite the week.”

Since both you and Jaebum had the kind of tolerance for alcohol that wasn’t bad per se but it wasn’t exactly outstanding either – it tended to give you the ability to say and do things you were going to regret later but it didn’t rob you of the ability to remember all those things the next day – the two of you had decided to take it easy after finishing a bottle – and a half, really – of wine.

You were both laying on the empty floor of your living room, the only light inside of your apartment coming from your laptop that you’d left on the kitchen counter, playing a random R&B playlist you’ve found on Spotify. It seemed to fit the mood very well but the dimly lit room and the abandoned glasses of wine between you provided you both with the exact kind of atmosphere you’d been hoping to avoid until you’ve managed to find a way to clear up what the state of your relationship was.

But now you were somewhat intoxicated and Jaebum’s eyes were glittering from the wine, and you didn’t really care what the two of you were to each other because, in this apartment, it didn’t really matter. You could have been anything you wanted to be. Friends, if you felt like it. Lovers, if you wanted. Enemies, if you tried.

“I’ve done my part of the deal,” Jaebum said suddenly, his dreamy gaze landing on you. “It’s your turn now.”

You turned your head to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“Your portfolio,” he explained. “You need to send it to the galleries of your choice. We’ve agreed we were both going to do this together.”

“Oh,” you looked back at the ceiling. “That’s right.”

“Come on, now,” he gathered himself up, sitting cross-legged next to you. It was obvious that you needed some encouragement “I did it. You can do it.”

You shook your head much to his displeasure.

“You spent a long time hesitating,” you reminded him. “It’s my turn.”

“Not a chance,” Jaebum disagreed. “Unlike me, you have no reasons to hesitate. Your work is great. Any gallery would be lucky to exhibit it.”

“You’re only saying that to be nice.”

“You know I’m not.”

He was right, you did know. Jaebum was never the type of person to lie just to please someone. And yet, even if it did fill your chest with indescribable warmth to know that he wasn’t being supportive because he felt like he owed you – he was being supportive because he genuinely wanted to be – you still couldn’t help your apprehension.

“Don’t do what I did,” Jaebum warned. “Because my version of tough love is far less lenient than yours.”

You raised your eyebrows at this. “Is it, now? I’m curious.”

“I’m afraid it includes some rather unorthodox methods,” he said, grinning now. “You don’t want to know.”

“I’m actually debating not sending my portfolio to anyone just to see what you mean,” you revealed, making him chuckle.

“That won’t do,” he said. “How about you just do it this time and let me show you what I mean some other time?”

Suddenly perking up at the sudden flirtatious undertone in his voice, you sat up, too. “What a tease.”

Jaebum’s eyes widened for just a moment, the sudden nickname igniting the excited fire in the pit of his stomach. He suddenly wasn’t sure what he was drunk on – the wine or the features of your face, illuminated only by the faint light of your laptop – as your witty responses continued to keep him on his toes.

“Not at all,” Jaebum said then, trying to keep his posture straight and hide the way you affected him. “I’m just trying to keep your life interesting.”

“As if it’s not interesting enough already,” you shot back, just playful enough not to sound angry but still somewhat bitter.

This further amused him. “Well, no need to thank me, then. I’m sure I’ve provided you with the missing light in your life.”

“Oh, you’re a light alright,” you said, nodding and trying to stand up – you stumbled a little, the intoxication complicating your maneuvering skills. “You certainly lit my world up in colors I’ve never seen before.”

He watched you cross the room to change the song without saying anything, considering your words.

“That—somehow, that didn’t sound like a compliment,” he spoke.

“It wasn’t supposed to be,” you said and then shot him a meaningful look over your shoulder. “It was an observation.”

It didn’t take Jaebum long to recall himself saying the exact same thing to you and he couldn’t help the smile on his face anymore.

“You’ll kill me one day,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Oh, definitely not,” you disagreed, turning around to look at him – since the light of your laptop was coming from behind you, all Jaebum could see was your silhouette and, even though he’s never thought the shape of someone’s body could hold so much power over him, he was slowly coming to realize just how much of his mind—and heart—you controlled – and then sighing. “You’ll kill me first.”

All he really wanted was to stand up, cross the room, and wrap his arms around you until your silhouette merged with his. He wanted to kiss you and remain in that position until the playlist you’ve put on finished. Until your laptop no longer provided any light and the two of you got lost in the darkness of your secret haven of unresolved tension and so so much longing.

But he picked up his glass of wine instead, finishing the remaining few drops inside of it. After having swallowed and caught sight of you returning to your previous position on the floor, Jaebum shook his head again. Your smell – even if you weren’t wearing any perfume – and your face – even if he couldn’t see it properly in the dark room – was causing every cell inside of him to short-circuit.

“What are we doing?” he asked you quietly, desperately resisting all of his impulses that ached to have you close.

“I don’t know,” you said, your eyes afraid to leave his. “I never know what I’m doing when I’m with you.”

He swallowed thickly, no longer tasting the wine on his tongue. “Are you okay with that?”

Bringing your tongue over your lips, you nodded with no hesitation whatsoever.

“Always,” you said.

“Can we…” Jaebum began, unsure if he should have finished the proposition and even more unsure if you’d have understood it even if he did finish it. He looked at you, however, and then he knew that the chances of you refusing him in that moment were so slim, they were virtually non-existent. You radiated all the same feelings he was fighting with inside of his own chest. “Can we blame it on the wine tomorrow?”

You’d stopped breathing long before he finished his question and you only managed to nod because it was a crucial move to make Jaebum get up from his position on the floor and kneel right in front of you instead, both of his hands on your face.

Unlike before in your room, where he seemed to hesitate briefly, this time Jaebum leaned in to kiss you without a single bit of unease in his eyes. And you kissed him back, allowing him to catch your lips between his and sigh softly once he felt your hands reach out to hold onto him.

Unlike before in your room, where he pulled away and realized that he’d just risked destroying your friendship, Jaebum did not pull away and pushed your lower lip with his instead, deepening the kiss and then bringing his tongue over yours until he heard you exhale shakily. The feeling of your kiss was so intense, he felt his chest explode but he’d have rather allowed your lips to end him for good than pulled away now.

You didn’t owe anyone any explanations – just yourselves. And, as of right now, you were fine with not having any excuses why the desperate need to be with each other constantly won over every other emotion inside of you and yet, neither of you dared to use any official labels to describe what you were to each other.

You’d stopped caring about every other matter and, for the first time in your life, you were completely fine with the uncertainty instead of actively seeking certainty because knowing the answers to your questions didn’t really matter when Jaebum was kissing you as if tomorrow was never going to come. As if, once he stopped, he was never going to be able to kiss you again.

Neither of you knew how many of these kisses you could steal before you had to stop yourselves and talk about this--and everything else--first but right now it didn’t seem like you’ve reached your limit yet. And if you have -- if this was truly the last chance for you to share a kiss -- then you’d have gladly spent the rest of your life kissing him to make sure this moment--this chance--never ended.

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bum-callout · 5 years

Text

the full regan tea!

i know this is long as HELL so there will be a tl;dr at the end for those who dont have the time to read it or just dont want to.

disclaimer 1: screenshots will be added to this as theyre located. a lot of this persons accounts/messages have been deleted, so some are hard to find, unfortunately.

disclaimer 2: no witch-hunting of this individual is encouraged. this is merely a warning to people who interact with them and something to document and fully address their lies over the past three or so years.

a little context:

this callout regards an individual who will be referred to as “regan” and they/them for the duration of this post to avoid confusion. a list of their known aliases is located here.

they currently go by alayne, and are most active on quotev, where their most recent urls are @jonestxwn (which is super disrespectful already lol) and @yearzer0. their old tumblr is @colacans, but if they have a new one, im unaware of it.

all victims names have been changed to preserve their privacy. here is a list of people mentioned:

gail: gail refers to the main victim of regans manipulation and their partner of several years. they started dating some time in 2015 or 2016. the broken heart emoji in some screenshots refers to gail. gails alters are also changed to “gail” for privacys sake.

jake: jake is another victim of regans, albeit a more minor one. jake met regan in 2015 and started dating them. jake is also often lied about as regan. the game controller emoji in some screenshots refers to jake.

skylar: ex-qpp/partner of regans. last testimonial is from them.

taylor: an ex friend of regans who theyd had various and sundry drama with over the 3 years of bs.

jay: an ex of regans that they parted on rough terms with.

any other censored names: people who i was sure would only be mentioned once.

gail and jake:

this is, without a doubt, the most important part of the callout, and unfortunately the part with the least viable screenshots, due to deletion of accounts/messages. gail has since deleted most of her messages from regan, but the ones that ive found/been given screenshots of are here (with gails explicit permission).

gail:

regan was incredibly shitty to gail during their 2-3 year relationship. i would go so far as to say regan was abusive. as will be seen in the actuallydivine section, regan blames a great deal of things on gail, and has never permanently taken the blame for anything in their rocky relationship; it has always, according to regan, been something wrong with gail.

here are some examples of regan exhibiting abusive behaviour (tormenting gail because its “funny”), admitting to their own shitty behaviour, and mentioning cheating on her. its interesting to note they were also dating jake at this time, but they cared about him so little they didnt even mention the effect cheating might have on him.

i find it interesting that regan admits to being shitty towards gail as far back as 2016, but has gone back to claiming they did nothing and that gail is the one at fault. perhaps it is a bit far to claim that regan is a pathological liar, but with their behaviour, i would not be entirely surprised.

another thing to mention regarding gail is that regan claimed gail pushed them into the habit of regan calling gail “daddy,” and then saying they were ace and it made them uncomfortable in the first place, when nothing could be farther from the truth. regan has publicly in front of their followers, almost 100% of whom were minors, talked about their R*PE KINK, and often called gail daddy unprompted on the feed and elsewhere. before anyone comes for me, im not claiming that they couldnt be asexual, but i am doubtful because of the fact theyve claimed that once or twice before and decided they werent, AND because of the fact they only used it to pin the blame on gail for this.

this doesnt even touch on the amount of times they threatened to kill themself.

jake:

regan and jakes relationship went as such: they met in 2015, when jake was 13 and regan was 16, and started dating. hopefully you can understand what is wrong with that, as a relationship with that age gap is ILLEGAL in every u.s. state. there was sexual conduct involved, making regan (arguably) a child predator. there is also a statement that regan dated another 13 year old when they were 17, but that is as yet unproven and the 13 year old in question is not contactable to confirm this. to the best of my knowledge, both of their current partners are also minors, despite the fact they are 19 as of october 2018.

regan was also extremely shitty to jake during this time, constantly “bullying” him (their own words) in a way that they found funny, but was clearly extremely upsetting to jake. they also pushed him aside for at least half of their relationship, as they were poly and their other partners (mostly gail) were more their focus.

above is a conversation between jake and regan. regan came to him and asked him “what [they] ever did to [him]” and after respondingg and explaining why exactly he had beef with them, he discovered that them saying they wanted “no drama” was absolutely bs, as they had been posting a psa trying to get he and gail deleted for no reason that same day. afterwards, regan messaged jake asking for a truce, which jake refused, as he was furious with them and felt that they were not in a position to ask for a truce when they were doing things like this just hours before.

misc:

this is mostly just them talking shit, but some of the stuff they say is clearly lies if you consider evidence. they constantly paint themself as the victim when they are a 19 year old abuser who takes advantage of people regularly.

(this last screenshot refers to jake changing his username to a pun based on the phrase “lies and slander”; its unclear whether regan sent this pretending to be someone else, or had someone they know send it.)

i think its also interesting to note that this screenshot and later ones where regan is friends with jake are taken merely a month apart, and then, two months later, theyre back on their bs. something about that seems super fake to me.

actuallydivine:

regardless of your opinion on actuallydivine, if you look at the lies section, you can see regan blaming gail for all their actuallydivine stuff and saying it was all a lie. yeah. bs.

mental illness:

i know this is a bit of a controversial subject, but a lot of stuff regan said/did concerning mental illness (ESPECIALLY involving their system/alters) was really shitty imo.

this is a good example of something shitty they did alter-wise. this was something they claimed OVER AND OVER AGAIN, saying shitty things they did were always their evil headmates, and constantly killing off and creating new headmates (that were mostly actually just them under a new name) as an excuse for their behaviour and a way to reset for being a shitty person.

heres them listing their mental illnesses. now, if you look in the lies section, regan says they faked their headmates (aka their osdd), so thats more proof theyre a liar. they also at one point bashed self-diagnosis, and yet they admit to self-diagnosing here. Hmm. something else to note is that in the first image, they seem to be claiming that their therapist diagnosed them, when diagnoses are made by psychiatrists, but that could be a simple oversight on their part.

lies:

self-explanatory, but this section is mostly regan saying or implying theyve changed and are now a better person.

as you can see in the above screenshots, all taken at different times in the last two years, theyve done this thing over and over and OVER where they claim theyve changed, theyre better, something has changed their view, and that is simply not the case, and never has been.

this last one is from this month (october 2018). sound familiar?

these arent so much blatant lies as it is implying theyre any different now. also, funny to acknowledge that 2015 them was a piece of shit, when they really dont act any different now.

some other ridiculous things they lied about:

their height, at least three separate times.

their zodiac sign.

killers:

regan is very much a ‘true crime’ kind of person, and i do, in some aspects, mean the fetishize-y kind. theyre borderline obsessed with serial killers, and have expressed sexual attraction for ted bundy. however, thats not the only true crime-related bullshit theyve pulled.

yeah. regans factkin with JIM JONES. and they made one of their urls “jonestxwn” like.. how disrespectful can you be? if they were a columbiner, i would not be surprised. for those who are not aware, jim jones is the cult leader who caused the jonestown massacre, which resulted in the death of 900+ people through mass suicide. its where the phrase “drinking the koolaid” comes from, as the poison was mixed with a koolaid-like product.

miscellaneous:

you thought regan could not be any more of a freak? you were wrong baybee!

even without context this is a gross thing to do. however, context makes this worse: the individual in question, while they were NOT a good person, was around jakes age, if not younger, meaning that they were at least 3 years younger than regan at the time, and were most likely probably 13-14, judging by the time period when regan was interacting with them, so regan was 3-4 years older than this individual when they manipulated and fake dated them.

just gross. its of note that regan turned 18 in 2017, so they were an adult or close to being an adult when they said this.

hmm. kind of fetishize-y, but not the worst thing ive seen from regan.

GROSS? stay away from children.

honestly this ones just funny all things considered.

this isnt the only time theyve referred to themself as a fujoshi, and some of those times were when they identified as female. yikes!

yet another one thats just funny. they are genuinely a narcissist, and regularly refer to themself as some kind of genius (not to mention their god complex, which THEY THEMSELF refer to as such).

another one like that mentioning their headmates and the fact they are, and i quote, “the smartest person alive.” come bless us mortals with your 300 iq, o god regan.

OK MR KING OF EVIL LMFAO.

they were also into ddlg but i have no screenshots of that, as after a certain period, they prefaced a lot of their posts with stuff like “hehe im not into ddlg but i sure love calling my partner daddy!” despite having said, and i quote, “ddlg is my main kink,” at one point.

another point against them, which i have proof for but didnt feel was relevant enough to this: they love tearzah, and claimed to have been in a relationship with them. although tearzah (and melanie martinez... AND reinagoth) are people who they are a massive hypocrite about, as they acknowledged they were shitty and refused to support them, and then, mere months later, decided “nevermind, dont care, i love them xoxo.”

testimonials:

this is fairly self-explanatory; its testimonials by anonymous people who interacted with regan in the past detailing what they know of them.

to add some extra context to the one directly above, this individual is younger than jake by a year.

more of these will be added as i receive more.

conclusion:

i apologize for getting kind of unprofessional at the end, but this is a subject im emotionally involved in. again, i DONT advocate witch-hunting of this individual. theyre a shitty person but harassing them will do nothing constructive.

spreading this would be appreciated, though, as this person is genuinely a danger to those around them and has continued to lie about gail and jake up until extremely recently, if they are not still doing so.

tl;dr:

regan is an abusive person who takes advantage of minors, blames the people they abuse, and constantly lies about everything they can, among a plethora of other shitty-but-less-unforgivable things.

#regan

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theydotheunpredictable · 5 years

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Anya, Please- Prologue

Pairing - LokixOC

Summary- Anya is known to bring the sun wherever she goes so she is not surprised when her father, a diplomat of Vanahiem, sends her to Asgard’s Summer Solstice celebrations in his place. But no one could have guessed the events that would be set into place by Anya’s arrival.

Starts off very friendship/fluffy but starts to get darker as the events of the film start to take place

A/N-This is a fic I have been working on for quite a while and I’m almost 20 chapters in on fanfiction.com, the link to the full story is posted at the bottom, but I recently started reading fics here on tumblr too and thought I would throw mine into the mix as well. I hope you enjoy!

This day was just like any other on Asgard, and no one could have possibly been aware that the minute events of today would impact the fate of the rest of one Asgardian's life. The sun shone high above the glistening city, making the golden buildings appear even more majestic than usual. Beneath the soaring towers the Asgardian warriors trained fiercely, overseen by huddles of fawning young women discussing which of the battling men would be their future husbands. The All Father sat high on his throne attending the day to day duties of a king, discussing with advisers and granting audience to those who requested it, whilst in the great hall the Queen was attending her own guests.

Queen Frigga quickly placed her book to the side as the doors to the hall opened and her guests were ushered in. A bright smile graced her beautiful face as a woman of equal beauty approached her. The two friends found themselves in a long embrace, silently making up for the years it had been since they had seen each other last.

"Queen Frigga, my dear, how are you?" The woman sighed as she pulled away.

"Please, Helena, there is no need to use my title, you are my oldest friend." Frigga replied squeezing her friend's hands. "Now tell me, how is Vanaheim fairing?"

"Oh very well indeed! My husband appears to be settling in to his new role in the government, and the city is thriving! Almost as thriving as Asgard one might say!" Helena gushed, the dazzling smile never leaving her face.

"That is very good to hear!" Frigga replied, "And how", she continued, "Is your little one doing?" The Queen now turned her attention to Helena's knees, setting her sights just next to her friend.

Cowering behind Helena was a small girl, who stood no taller than the woman's waist. Having not been particularly interested in her mother's conversation, she never really did understand the things adults talked of, her ice blue eyes, full of awe, had been surveying the grand hall carefully, taking in every detail. However, now aware that the conversation had been turned to her, the child slowly brought her attention back towards the women, waiting for her cue. Frigga knelt so that she was now eye level with the small girl. "Tell me Anya how are you?" Brushing one side of her silvery blond hair behind her ear, she looked up towards her mother, silently awaiting her encouragement.

"It's alright Anya." Helena answered her daughter's terrified look, encouraging her to speak. Looking back to the regal woman knelt in front of her, Anya bowed her head slightly and quietly answered. "I am well, thank you your highness."

Frigga laughed softly. "My gods they grow so quickly, I remember when she could barely walk." She exclaimed as she stood straight again.

As the two woman laughed and reminisced about the years gone by, the doors to the hall cracked open slightly as two boys, who had barely entered adolescence, peered in. The small girl, who had noticed the boys before the grown-ups, now hid herself further behind her mother's skirts, tugging at the fabric to convey a silent message. Stopping mid-sentence, the women also turned towards to door and Queen Frigga, quickly recognising the faces, invited her sons into the room to meet the visitors. "Thor, Loki, come say hello to our guests." The door was swiftly pushed open by the taller of the two boys, who quickly made his way across the room, leaving his dark haired brother to trail behind. Once both her sons had reached the ladies, Frigga continued her introduction: "Boys, you remember Lady Helena and her daughter Anya." The young princes bowed their heads respectfully and the elder of the boys looked up to Helena saying "Good afternoon Lady Helena, I hope your journey here was a pleasant one."

Helena turned to Frigga, clearly impressed by the politeness of her two sons. "My how they have grown! The last time we visited they were no taller than Anya, but now they are practically men!" At such a compliment Thor, who considered himself a man already, stood taller, pushing his chest out proudly, causing the two women chuckle softly. The younger prince, Loki, however merely smiled, he was somewhat distracted, his eyes fixed on the slither of silver hair that peaked out behind Lady Helena's skirts. Sensing where his gaze lay, Helena stepped to the side, which only caused Anya to retreat further. Being an only child, she had not been near many boys in her short years and princes, she felt, were rather intimidating boys to start with. Pulling her skirt tight, forcing Anya to come out of her hiding spot, Helena reassured her daughter once again. "Come now Anya, there is no need to be afraid, they will not bite. Say hello to the young princes."

Eyes downcast, Anya took a small step forward and whispered a meek "hello" towards the ground.

"Properly please Anya." Helena insisted softly

The young girl lifted her icy eyes, first resting them on the elder prince, however she quickly decided he was far too tall and therefore scary she quickly looked towards the young Prince Loki who, although still extremely tall in her eyes, seemed a lot less intimidating. His eyes were softer and more inviting, and there was a glint in them that drew her to him. He smiled at her softly, as if to reassure her that her mother was indeed correct, he would not bite. Finally after a deep breath she fulfilled Helena's wish. "Hello young princes. I hope you are well." Quickly looking up to her mother for approval, she swiftly took a few small steps backwards. After Helena had given her a small nod, Anya quickly retreated behind her mother's legs once more, earning a soft laugh from Frigga.

"We are both well Lady Anya, thank you for asking." Thor beamed at the young girl, bending down slightly so he was at her eye level. Being addressed by name gave Anya caused to squeak slightly and bundle her fists tightly in her mother's skirt once more. Thor chuckled softly, as his mother had done, and stood once again to his full height.

"My, Frigga, what polite young men you have raised! They shall find no trouble charming the ladies in years to come!" At the thought of women and wives both of the young boys pulled slight faces, but only enough so that they were seen by little Anya. For the first time since arriving in Asgard, Anya let out a small giggle, which was only heard by Loki. The Young Prince shot her a wide grin and a wink, which only caused her to smile more and finally set her at ease in the glistening city. Before Anya could make her way out from behind Helena's skirts her mother had reached down to take her hand.

"Boys, I believe Arild is waiting for you down in the training ring, you do not want to be late again now." Frigga reminded her sons.

"No of course not mother." Loki bowed his head at the women as a parting gesture. "Come along Thor, I'll race you!" The Young Prince laughed as he began to dash off.

"Now come along Anya, let us take a walk in the gardens." Helena said as she began to lead her daughter in the other direction. As the two mothers chatted freely, catching up on the years that had gone by, Anya looked back over her shoulder at the door the Young Princes had dashed out of and smiled widely to herself.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12552615/1/Anya-Please

#loki fanfic #loki #loki odinson #loki fan fiction #loki x oc #thor fanfiction #thor #fandral #marvel #marvel fanfiction #loki/oc

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ashalaughs · 3 years

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An Annotated List of Men’s Tinder Profiles part 11

1. My sense of humor is like 90% cocoa Ghiradelli chocolate: For the life of me, I cannot track this metaphor

2. Change bios like I change drawls: I know this is a typo but I love this idea that this guy is constantly changing up his accent.

3. Dance with girls. Wrestle with guys.: Is this a demand? A suggestion? A description?

4. Two legs two arms. Proportional.: This is…not a very informative profile.

5. Full name: Shelz.: It is not, you liar.

6. I ain’t cute but I’m not ugly either. Idk what I am. I’m funny though…and I got $40.:…Congratulations?

7. All you women are out of my league so I’m banking on an injury so I can be called up.: In this scenario, who has to get injured? Me or, like, a bunch of dudes?

8. Me, a rabbit, and a panda: cuddle one, hug one, kiss one?: This is an unbearably cutesy question. Anyway, lemme kiss that panda.

9. Snap: justaslave4u add me it’s a stupid username I know but it’s a reference to my past, feel free to ask: 1) You know you can change usernames, right? 2) were you previously Britney Spears?

10. Type of guy to ask if you believe in angels then wink then ride off on my skateboard before you can even blink kind of guy that make you wanna think: Is this a genre of man I’m supposed to be aware of?

11. Ps. Im not actually that old I say im 22 but im really 25.: If that confuses you, wait til you find out this guy’s profile says that he’s 33.

12. I Love to spend time with someone is alone.: I gotta say, this sends some mixed messages.

13. Looking for fun been in jail for 3 years: I’m not saying people who’ve been to jail shouldn’t date, but this is precisely the worst quantity of information to include

14. I don’t smoke, if u smoke be ready to teach me how to smoke coz I won’t let my wife die of cancer & make me a widower;we die 2gether: Demonstrating morbid sweetness and also a fundamental misunderstanding of how bodies work

15. I’m good at shots – vodka shots, back shots, photoshoots: You tried, I guess

16. Cons: If you disapprove I’ll still give you a nickname: What a strangely aggressive claim

17. Also I’m a registered flex offender: Gross!

18. What’s the most confusing day of the year?...............Father’s Day! Lmao. Smh. Bad joke!: Damn, this one is dark.

19. Not a fan of the world, it needs help. I hate society but unfortunately I’m tied to it and can’t leave.: Look, I’m not saying we don’t all feel this way sometimes, but this does make you sound like you are eventually going to invite me to join a doomsday cult.

20. I used to have trouble looking in the mirror when I woke up in the morning. Then all the mirrors started breaking when I looked at them, now life’s a lot easier.: What kind of Disney movie curse situation are you working with here, dude?

21. Searching hard for my tinderella to wreck her life…I’m a covid cop at the ski hill so I can only love u from 6 week away: Honestly that sounds like an agreeable distance.

22. Looking for someone easy to get along with, or hard to kill: If you are planning some kind of Mr. and Mrs. Smith situation, I really have to pass.

23. Super damaged And DESPISE online for 100 reasons But A good 420 buddy free on me and maybe part time roomie: I can’t tell if he’s offering to let someone move in with him or asking to move in with someone, but either way that’s a yikes from me, dawg.

24. I can’t thrive without a healthy dose of toxic chaos: Honesty is great but so is therapy

25. And I swear I can give you pain then you ever had: I mean, you don’t have to swear that? I would in fact prefer not?

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survivorreelsmagicwithin · 4 years

Text

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think! The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger. I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it. I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe. I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork. I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

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waitinginthedarke · 7 years

Text

Maybe Someday

A Kwon Jiyong Story

Summary: She was a rose, and he was the darkness that should have killed it…but when a rose is made of enough light to penetrate even the deepest darkness, sometimes the two are able to become one…

Genre: Fluff, Smut.

Part 2

‘-The comeback is provisionally scheduled for mid-January, but in terms of time it seems like the beginning of March will be more doable and convenient for everyone, and with the girls comeback in only a week it will give you plenty of time to polish the songs to your hearts content-‘

‘Can I go on holiday?’

Jiyong wasn’t paying enough attention to watch the way Yang sighs heavily and glares up at him from beneath his brows where he’d been reading from the schedule on his desk, leaning back in his chair with an expression of scorn as he regards the man lounged across the sofa across the room from him.

‘Have you been listening to what I’ve been saying at all?’ Yang asks frustratedly, taking in the way Jiyong opens his eyes and turns to look at him with a neutral expression, raising his eyebrows when he sees Yang staring at him reproachfully.

‘Of course I have. But I just wondered when I would be able to have a break?...you know, maybe pop over to Peru…possibly Europe…’

‘Jiyong, you don’t do holidays. The last time you went you failed to relax once and spent the whole time working-‘

‘Because that was a working holiday.’ Jiyong cuts the older man off boredly, giving him a look that revealed how tired Jiyong truly was, before he sat up and leant forward on his knees to rest his head in his hands.

‘Look. Jiyong. All you have to do is get past the album release, and the world tour, and then you’ll have at least a month of relaxation before enlistment-‘

‘That’s in November.’ Jiyong states annoyedly, seeing the impatient look Yang shoots him when he realizes he wasn’t focusing on what he should be focusing on, and instead of arguing further, he simply stands up and stretches languidly, before heading to the door.

‘Where are you going?’ Yang demands tiredly, not making a move as he watches Jiyong walk away, but simply watching him tiredly instead.

‘I have 50 billion meetings today, but none of them are in the studio, so since I figure we’re finished here, I’m going to squeeze in some time to look at one of my new tracks now if you don’t mind.’ Jiyong explains politely, turning to bow to Yang pointedly just before he got to the door, smiling at him mock politely, before slipping from the room before the chief executive could stop him... not that he ever tried to.

You smile happily down at the cup of caffeine filled goodness in your hands as you walk back down the corridor to the studio you’d been hibernating in since the night before, having taken a break to walk to the coffee shop across the road from the YG building, and feeling much better for it as you feel the liquid energy begin to disperse into your veins.

However, its just as you go to walk into your studio that you see his usual studio door lit up, signalling someone was inside, and after deliberating for a moment you pull your phone out of your pocket as you walk into your studio, setting your coffee down and typing out a text to send to him.

[Y/N: Are you in your studio? X]

[KJ: Depends, whose asking?]

[Y/N: Me? X]

[KJ: Doors open ;)]

You couldn’t help the butterflies that bombard your stomach at his response, just like they did every time you messaged him, biting your lips to try to restrain your smile, but failing miserably as you pick up your coffee once more and make your way to Jiyong’s studio, pausing at the door and knocking quietly, before opening it to peek inside, checking no-one was in the corridor behind you first.

‘Hey.’ You say quietly, smiling shyly as you slip through the door and close it behind you, finding him lounged in his desk chair, but he’s not focused on the various screens and sound desks in front of him, instead, he’s laid back with his eyes closed, and his arms crossed, a drawn expression on his face which is disturbed momentarily as he peeks an eye open to look at you.

‘Hey…come here.’ He mutters, his command making you smile in puzzlement as you follow it, shuffling over to see what he was doing, and placing your coffee on the table by the sofa on the way past, before coming to a stop beside him.

‘How come you’re in here? You usually don’t get into your studio until-‘

‘Beautiful, let me cuddle you.’ He cuts you off, sitting up suddenly and reaching out to grab your waist, pulling you onto his lap which causes you to become flustered as you worry that someone was going to walk in on you both, before you settle after a few moments, and let him pull you into him so that you could lay on his chest with his arm wrapped comfortably around you, his cheek pressed to your head.

‘Ji, whats wrong?’ you ask quietly after a few minutes, beginning to trace light patterns across the skin of his arm as you wait for his answer and trying not to get wholly consumed by the warmth and softness of him surrounding you.

‘Nothings wrong. …I’m just tired. …and I wanted to have a moment with my girlfriend…isn’t that-‘

‘JI!’ you reprimand him, the way he’d simply stated that one word out loud- that could get you both into serious trouble if anyone found out- having you momentarily freaking out, before he clutches you tightly against him once more, pressing a light kiss to your hair that cuts your complaint off into silence.

‘Babe, be quiet. We were having a moment.’ He mutters, his voice tired, his exhaustion being emphasized in his sigh, and so despite the way your body was freaking out about the way he was touching you so lovingly despite the potential that anyone could walk in on the two of you at any minute, you comply with his wishes and snuggle into his chest, timidly side-eyeing his neck for a few seconds, before stretching your lips up to press a kiss against his throat.

‘Mmmm, what was that for?’ he murmurs, eyes closed as he fights the sleepiness that had suddenly overtaken him with the feeling of happiness and safety he felt having you in his arms.

‘You seem tired.’ You mumble, your attention becoming increasingly consumed with the spot on his neck that you’d kissed as you begin to wonder what it would taste like today; what perfume he’d be wearing.

‘Mmh, early starts always get me.’ He explains, chuckling quietly, before there is a stagnant pause, and then: ‘It felt good.’

He always seemed to know when you needed a nudge.

You only hesitate for a moment, before shyly pressing your lips to his neck again, attempting to settle your racing heart as you linger there, before drawing in a quiet breath from his throat and parting your lips to stroke your tongue timidly across his skin, feeling his heartbeat faintly through the thin flesh, but hearing the satisfied sigh that escapes him as he loosens his grip on you so that you could readjust yourself slightly, leading you to be laid on top of him.

Today it was rich berries and liquorice, a hint of woodsmoke tantalizing your tastebuds as the aftertaste evolves into the sting of alcohol and chemicals, but the mix of fruit and candy alone has you going back for more, your hands gripping gently at his biceps as you lay open mouthed kisses across his neck. He appears to be so lost in your caresses, that its not until his phone is ringing, breaking up the quiet sounds of pants and barely there moans, that you realize you’d become a lot rougher in your ministrations, the sound making you jolt back on his lap to see that you’d littered his neck with small red marks that mingled among hues of purple.

‘Crap-‘

‘Hello?’

You quickly shut up when you realize he’d answered the phone, looking at his face and finding him watching you with eyes full of thoughts that seemed far from PC, but at that moment you were too busy biting your lip and gently grazing your fingertips across the marks you’d made, that you don’t realize just how excited he’d become.

‘I had half an hour spare, I’ll be there in 2 minutes- yes, im aware you hate it when I run off but I am still a person, I have rights- yeah….okay…sure…I’ll be there in a minute.’ He mutters, his voice losing enthusiasm as he hangs up the phone and glances up at you, before reaching up to pull gently at your lip with his thumb to get you to stop biting it.

‘I might have got a bit carried away.’ You murmur quietly before you could chicken out from telling him, still so scared that one day you’d put a foot too far out of line with him and he’d have a diva fit on you, but you knew that was just your fear of his superstar status.

‘I did notice you were rather into it.’ He mutters, smirking up at your half worried, half embarrassed expression and you go back to biting your lip as your mind races to think of some way to hide the marks.

‘Beautiful, you don’t have to worry- Wait! Where are you going?’ he calls when you scramble off of his lap, standing to chase after you, but stopping when you raise your hands to tell him to wait as you dart out the door to run to your studio before returning.

‘What are you-‘

‘Sit down.’ You command, your worry over him being late for whatever meeting he had making you climb back onto his lap and tilt his head to the side without a comment, before beginning to apply the concealer to his neck that you’d grabbed from your bag.

‘Are you putting make-up on me?’ he chuckles, his hands that had found their way to your hips kneading your sides happily as he allows you to paint his skin.

‘I don’t want people spreading rumors about you.’ You mutter as you concentrate, beginning to apply the foundation powder and being extra careful not to get any on his shirt.

‘One day im going to tell the world that you’re mine.’ He states definitely, his voice hard and you pause as you apply the final bit of powder, sighing as you sense his usual argument on the tip of his tongue, the foreboding in his words causing you to lean your forehead against his as you close your eyes.

‘One day…Everyone will know how much I love you.’ He whispers, knowing you were fully concentrating on him at this point, and the two of you share a moment as you silently battle with him, knowing he was thinking about all the arguments you’d had about not upsetting the fans…about not becoming a spectacle…about not breaking the company rules….about protecting you…

‘You have work to do.’ You mutter quickly before he could say anything else, bringing yourself out of the imagined utopia of being able to show everyone that he was yours and you were his, and quickly setting a kiss on his lips, before climbing off of his lap and heading to the door.

‘What about your coffee?’ he asks, voice somehow even more tired than before, and despite the battle within yourself not to turn and look at him, you still glance back at his warm brown eyes boring into you, his hand outstretched with your coffee cup clutched in it as he silently begged you not to leave, but you end up just smiling at him sadly.

‘Keep it. …you look like you need it more than me.’

(T.B.C)

#bigbang #bigbang fanfiction #bigbang scenarios #kwon jiyong #kwon jiyong fanfiction #bigbang gd #bigbang gd fanfiction #bigbang fluff #bigbang smut #bigbang gdragon #bigbang gdragon fanfiction #kwon jiyong fluff #jiyong fanfiction #jiyong fluff #jiyong smut #bigbang gdragon smut #gd scenario #gdragon scenario #maybe someday

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yuudetama · 7 years

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changkyun (monsta x) - "our flats are opposite each other..."; only if you have time, love! good luck i can't wait to read it :)

3:06 AM.Sent from: KihyunWhat are you still doing up?? Turn off your lights and go to sleep!!!

The notification flashes across your computer screen with a barely audible ping, but it’s enough to momentarily distract you from the paragraph you’ve been editing. Suppressing a yawn, you scan the contents of the threadbare message and roll your eyes as best as your heavy eyelids will allow. Go to sleep? That’s a bit on the rich side, coming from a guy who stays up every night of the week to indulge in his anime marathon sessions.

Ping. Another message from Kihyun, this time accompanied by a slew of emoticons that make you think the man has entirely too much fun abusing the instant messaging system.

3:07 AM.Sent from: KihyunI’m serious, I’ll go over there and tuck you in bed myself if I have to 😤😤😤💩

You send him a poop emoji in return before closing the chat window. Behind his exaggerated nagging and endless stream of messages he means well, you’re well aware of that. But what you’re also aware of is the fact that three in the morning is perhaps (or at least, in your opinion) the best time to write and breathe to life all of those untold stories waiting to blossom in your chest. Your literary creations, your life’s most gorgeous accomplishments (“you mean your porn fics?” Kihyun had snorted when you’d tried explaining this to him), they simply glowed with a magic that only 3 AM could bestow upon them.

Stretching your arms, you decide to treat yourself to a break and reenergize with a small dose of caffeine. The chapter you’d been so busily writing is nearly done, and you want to power through the last few pages before crashing for the night.

As you’re waiting for the water to come to a boil, you glance out the window to the house beside yours, where your best friend-slash-vigilant night guard lives with his roommate. Both of your kitchens face each other directly, which comes in handy when you want to say a quick hello during busy mornings or simply send an obscene hand gesture via cucumber stick.

As with yours, the lights in Kihyun’s house are still on, letting you know that the man has yet to relinquish to his need for sleep. But as you pour the steaming water into your instant brew mix, the person who suddenly appears at the window on the other side isn’t your emoji-abusing friend. Rather, it’s your emoji-abusing friend’s roommate, one Im Changkyun.

He nods when he spots you standing by the sink, and you nod back. It’s another late night for him, you guess, taking in the appearance of puffy eyes and headphones draped around his neck. As he had only moved in a mere two months prior, you have yet to have an actual conversation with the guy, but Kihyun drops the occasional breadcrumb about him when the two of you are together. Changkyun likes to compose his own songs, so he spends a lot of time holed up in his room. He’s a little quiet but he’s a good guy once you get to know him, your friend had said over lunch one day. Definitely never meet him, I don’t want you to defile his innocence with your nasty smut stories.

Changkyun leans against his counter as he waits for his own water to heat up. He takes in your appearance- disheveled hair, oversized reading glasses, the yawn that refuses to leave your lips even at the promise of fresh caffeine- and points at the imaginary watch on his wrist. Shouldn’t you be in bed?

What, and it’s alright for you to stay up? you shrug back.

He points to the ceiling. Roomie keeps crying for Neji to come back, he lets you know with a deadpan expression. Might as well use this time to compose until he quiets down.

Snorting, you take another sip of your hot drink. Changkyun notices the cloud of steam beginning to puff out of his kettle and turns the stove off. Cradling your own mug between your hands, you watch as he busies himself with assembling his beverage. It’s now become a routine, you muse to yourself, trailing your gaze over his mussed auburn locks, the little frown of concentration he wears as he stirs in the latte powder, to meet him at this time of night and share a silent chat over a cup of coffee. It had been purely accidental at first, with only a quick nod of the head and the occasional awkward wave being exchanged, but now, after two months of this purely nonverbal exchange, you’ve grown to look forward to these moments, to the time of 3 AM when it’s only you and the boy next door awake under the eye of the moon (and Kihyun too, you suppose, but he’s too busy watching Naruto at this time so it doesn’t really count).

The two of you quietly sip your drinks and exchange a few more looks through the window. When the last of your coffee has disappeared, you place it in the sink and give Changkyun a little wave. I’ll be going, then. Good luck with your new song.

He nods. Thanks. Good luck with your new story.

And then he does something that you hadn’t seen him do before: he holds out two fingers, making a victory sign, and points in the direction of his kitchen’s entranceway. He repeats this gesture a few more times, lips twitching slightly at your bemused expression, before setting down his mug and turning to leave the room.

It’s only after his kitchen grows dark that you finally realize what he had been trying to say.

If you’re free, let’s meet tomorrow at two. I think it’s about time I finally heard your voice in person.

// send me a prompt from here

#monsta x #monsta x scenarios #changkyun #changkyun scenarios #prompt: coffee #thank you for requesting him bby #I actually love mx #such lovable dorks #<3

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cometeclipse-crafts · 7 years

Text

There are a couple of you who have been following this story with the man, and so I finally wrote it all up so I can share it once, and then don’t have to individually type this behemoth several times. @sewluscious @im-not-great-at-making-up-names @uriellactaea

So. Things with Jordin.

It started back in March. I have known this guy through the Ren faire for a couple years. And he lives with Kyle and Blue, who are married (Blue is a woman). The three of them have a house together; I always wondered if they were in a poly relationship. I went out to Kyle’s birthday party, and we got to chatting there a little bit. The next day, he asks me out. At the time I was still stuck in the realization that I was probably asexual, and trying to figure out what that meant for me. So I turned him down, and explained why. He said that sex for him wasn’t as important as spending time with people he liked, so he left the coffee date open on the table, whenever I wanted to change my mind. We saw each other a few times after that, but never picked it up. (I did think he was cute and liked him just... not enough to get over my fears).

In June, he was vacationing in Europe, and I was seeing pictures of him frequently and realized that I did still like him, enough that I was willing to be brave and try dating him. So this time I asked him out. He said he would love to, but he was just getting back from Europe, so he would get a hold of me when things calm down. I waited to hear from him for almost 2 weeks, then he tells me that things got crazy busy for him, and would it be okay if we sorta waited till life calmed down. He said he thought he would want to ‘dedicate time’ to whatever was between us. I was disappointed but not overly so. I was just proud of myself for being brave, and frankly we were coming into the Ren faire season, which was why we were both super busy. So that ended there again.

Week before Ren faire, he is performing at the Highland Games, so I go to see him... and the games, but mostly him. He seems happy enough to see me, but not overly so. And there is a girl there who seems really interested in spending time with him. He definitely seemed more into her than me... so I thought, okay, well, that sucks, but he just isn’t interested anymore. First weekend of Ren faire passes, and same thing. Same girl there talking with him after hours. I was sitting in the group of seats in front of him, and I don’t think he even saw me. End of the night, and I was gonna leave, so I kinda interjected myself a little to give him a hug and say Hi, but then I continue on. I wasn’t going to throw myself at him, or pine or whatever. If he didn’t want to spend effort on me, I wasn’t going to waste away, lol. So, I thought friends, nothing more, he just wasn’t interested.

The next Monday, two days after that, he sends me this:

“ Hello. All that has been going on there is something that has been going through my head....You came up to me in the pub and you smiled....your smile made me happy. Yours is the only one that does that. I thought you should know”

So, obvious that is a bit of a warm, thrilling statement! But at this point, I am a bit warry. I don’t know if he is a ninja-slut, getting with girls whenever he can... but I also made it obvious to him that I am asexual, so that isn’t the reason right? So, warily, I start talking back with him:

“Me: :) that's nice to hear. You seemed busy, so I didn't want to butt in, but I did want to say hi

Jordin: Umm, I'm sorry, I'm not really sure how to say this without sounding weird but....you showed up and everyone else kinda went away. Is it too late for coffee?

Me: Lol, it sounds kinda like a line, but cute and no, not too late. I was also slammed earlier so it was a good call, but things are calming down now.

Jordin: I've grown quite weary of lines. What I AM aware of is who I hope to see and that you, and you're usually in slow motion....with theme music. But seriously, I think you're amazing and I would be a damn fool to not want to see you. If that makes sense. Are you available in the morning? Like tomorrow or some time this week?

Me: Hehe that's awesome. Unfortunately my job kinda sucks with its rigidity. I have no mornings available”

blah blah blah. So I was running by his house to pick up something from his male roommate the next day, randomly. So we said we would see each other then. I saw him on Tuesday, and they all invited me out to dinner. I don’t think Jordin told Kyle and Blue that he had asked me out, just the impression I got from it all. And during dinner, again, just didn’t feel like he was all that interested. But I just figured maybe he was playing it down from his roommates.

So, as far as I knew, we were still in this predate limbo thing, and I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week. Friday rolls around, and I go to the pub, and there he is, his arm around another girls waist. Cue sinking stomach and disappointment again. Spent a little time while there, ignored them as much as possible, but waved once. They end up sitting on a bench, facing each other, his legs over hers. Like... people were telling them to go get a room, they were so all over each other, although I don’t know if they ever kissed. So, I went to leave, and I had to pass by them. As I did, he called out my name and held out his arms for a hug... like... what? So I hugged him, her (I know who she is from faire and everything) and then leave. Thinking it was over, I felt played and hurt by it all. Next morning I woke up in a much calmer frame of mind. I think my feelings are/were completely valid, but I also didn’t have any claim on him. We hadn’t been on a date, and yes, I think it is kinda shitty for how warmly (dare I say romantically) he talked to me then was all over someone else. But... I don’t know, I was willing to see how it all went.

So next night, go to the after hours pub again, and he is there, not with some girl, just with Kyle and Blue. We kinda are around each other, but no one on one conversations. Then, without me asking, he tells me that the girl from Friday had asked Jordin to save her from an over-eager patron, and then found out they had similar religious upbringings and so spent the next two hours talking religion. Also, Blue was pissed at him for being all over this girl.

Now, I’m super confused. Was it a good thing or a bad thing that he volunteered this information without me asking? Did he want to set me at ease because he liked me and didn’t want me to get the wrong impression or because he is trying to keep all options open? Why would he tell me about Blue being pissed? He never told me he was in a poly relationship, which I think is something that he should have been very clear about from the very beginning... or was she for some reason pissed on my behalf? even though I didn’t think Jordin had told them that he had asked me out. So I left confused, cautiously optimistic. I sent him a text the next day, asking how the day went, he said “SO good,” and that was it. Sooooo, yeah, thoroughly confused.

When I still didn’t hear from him on Tuesday I sent him this: “ I am pretty awful at dating stuff... completely oblivious. So I am not really sure if you are trying to tell me you are not interested anymore. I have been getting a lot of mixed messages, and I am confused about what you want. “

To which he replies: “ Hehe that's fair, there was a lot of confusing things flying my way as well from Blue so.... honestly I need to get some answers before I can proceed in any direction as far as dating goes. Hope that made sense despite being pretty vague.”

So, at this point, kinda pissed. (Seriously? Hehe?) Cause... first of all, pretty sure this means you are poly, and never told me. And if you need to get some answers before you start dating, why did you ask me out THREE TIMES? Why didn’t you do that BEFORE all this?!?! So, I am pretty much done. Close the door, whatever. It wasn’t like we had even been on a date, and I had been through some serious highs and lows with him, and I am tired of being jerked around. So I sent this back ” I hope things get less confusing for you, whatever that may end up being. I'm just gonna keep being me, but I'm not really going to expect anything. Hope whatever your end works out to we can still be friends.”

Jordin: Absolutely!! I would definitely hope so “

And that was the end of it. I didn’t expect anything from him, it was done, I’m not going to wait for him.

I saw him on Saturday, gave him a hug, said hi, but wasn’t spending much effort to hang with him. 4 different times that night, line probably less than 45 minutes, he called me over to join his conversation. So... he is making it real hard to turn off the feelings, but unless there is some big changes, I’m just not going to let it go anywhere.

So yes, there is my novel length story of Jordin and my fleeting potential dating life... sigh. Stupid boys.

#men #not da

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ufuomaee · 5 years

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#EditorsPick on #GraceandTruth READER QUESTIONS: HE'S SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS. I'M SO CONFUSED. WHAT DO I DO? This account is a summary of an audio message from a Reader. Dear Ufuomaee I am a 300 level student, who has never been in love. I have had brief crushes, but nothing serious. I am a leader in my Campus fellowship, and I recently discovered that I have feelings for another leader there. We have been friends for a while. We talk and hold hands, and he's all lovey dovie with me, but he's never said anything to me about having feelings for me. However, when we are in fellowship together, he is stiff with me and ignores me. The other problem is there's another member of our fellowship who he seems to like. He uses her name as his password and her pictures are all over his phone. But he has never told me anything about her or their relationship. I am trying to grow my own relationship with God, but I find myself getting jealous when I see them together, and I don't like it. I don't know the girl or anything about her, but when I see her I'm not happy. I don't want to resent her, when she had done nothing wrong. I've asked God to take away my feelings for him, but He hasn't answered my prayer yet. I don't know what to do, because he is a major distraction, and I just want to grow in my faith. It is affecting my studies and my spiritual growth. I think about him a lot, but I don't think he feels the same thing, I don't know what he feels about her, and I want to stop feeling this way. What can I do? Please I need advise. Dear Reader, It seems you are already aware of the problems and the way you don't want to feel. Problem seems to be that you are waiting on God to take away the feelings... If you let go, your heart will or might break, but it will heal and you will move on. But you are the one hanging on, it seems... Read more at http://ufuomaee.blog/reader-questions-hes-sending-me-mixed-signals-and-im-so-confused-what-do-i-do/ or follow LINK IN BIO to Editor's Picks #Blogger #Relationships #Crush #ChristianDating #Lovelife https://www.instagram.com/p/BtFqsqXn4cy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u0nod5gjt8br

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arabellaflynn · 7 years

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I remember predicting when we moved into this place that I'd spend my bad days sitting in bed, staring out the window at Dorchester Bay. Right now I'm staring at where the bay would be, were it not for the intervening fog, but otherwise my guess seems to have been rather accurate. My left hip hurts. I'm not sure if it's something in the joint or in my lower back that's objecting, but it's doing so vociferously. It has the same peculiar electric quality as the moment you bash your funny bone, or bite down on tinfoil with a metal filling. It's not the dull throbbing red ache or the sharp stab of having actually injured myself; it's the pointless pain of a nerve that is holding a grudge over something, possibly something imaginary, and doesn't want to let go. It started before Arisia, but I had a show to do, so I ignored it until I noticed it was starting to make my gait go funny on stairs. Funny thing about neuropathic pain; even if it didn't begin with you actually injuring something, your body responds as if you had, by knotting the muscles around the sore spot in order to protect it. I wanted to put my foot sideways and tip my knee in so I could pull myself up stairs with my thigh rather than push from behind, even though that did nothing to change the way anything felt. Survival instincts are odd sometimes. In any case, walking cockeyed like that will eventually do real, tangible bad things to your knee. So I made myself locomote normally until I got home from work on Friday. I made sure I had nothing to do over the weekend. I think I had a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. And then for the next two and a half days, my meals consisted of tea and painkillers, because fuck me. Certain kinds of movement help, but shockingly enough, there is a limit to how much hula hooping I can do in one go. I don't know what it is, because I make myself stop at the end of the movie, but I assume this limit exists, especially when I'm getting most of my calories from instant Thai tea mix with "cream" (read: dried milk solids and non-dairy coffee creamer powder) and sugar (amazingly, real sugar). I've spent most of the rest of the time trying to pull my left knee over my right shoulder. Me being me, I am having an unreasonable amount of success at this, but can't get anything new to pop, so as soon as I let go it goes right back to hurting. People ask me, "How much does it hurt?" I don't know. More than 'ouchie' and less than 'I can't stand up'. The standard pain scale that runs from "happy face" to "crying frowny face" isn't very useful for chronic things. It's more good for acute pain of recent onset, where you can compare how much something hurts now to how much it didn't hurt before. If you were fine 48 hours ago and now you're doubled over and begging for a morphine smoothie, that's important diagnostic information. If it's hurt the same for a week and a half... maybe that's normal? Who knows? This is more useful. It ranks pain by how much it affects your ability to function, rather than how it 'feels'. This is something I can note intellectually even when my internal monologue is mainly reminders to smile at others, interspersed with a lot of free-floating, family-unfriendly words. I have a rule that says I am allowed to think whatever I want, as long as I behave like a civilized human being. I routinely do not notice how much something hurts until I realize that, while I've been physically negotiating the T like a normal member of the herd, I have been fantasizing about kidney-punching every. single. person. in front of me until the fucking crowd fucking moves fucking faster go just go what is the fucking matter with all of you JUST GO. According to that chart, I have learned how to compensate for up to about a 6.5. I don't know how seamless it is; I can't tell from inside, because it is an altered state of mind, and it's distracting when every other thought you have is ow fuck i want to go home. Probably if you knew me well you'd notice I wasn't the zippiest I've ever been, but for people who aren't accustomed to me and my big mouth, it would be undetectable. I hit 5 regularly, usually with musculoskeletal stuff that makes moving uncomfortable. I kept putting off a trip to the supermarket, because while walking down to the T stop would be moving and therefore better, exiting both the house and the station at the other end would involve stairs, and being on the train would mean sitting or standing still for a while, both of which made things much worse. I can do certain things up to about a 7, especially if nobody bugs me to take my hat or sunglasses off. (Those are usually either from migraines or eventually bring one on, so light is my mortal enemy.) I have to be given time to make a plan, and then allowed follow through on it without any interruptions or alterations. I don't have enough capacity to recalculate if something changes, or make any new decisions, however small. If you try to force me to do either of those things, I deadlock and fall apart. Being sick will also grind me down that far. I remember a time, years ago, when I had the honest-to-God flu, and a roommate who was trying to be nice asked me if I wanted her to leave the windows open or closed when she left for work. I hauled the blankets over my head and wailed at her not to make me responsible for the state of the windows. Around 8 is when I start bowing out of plans on the grounds that I am 'sick'. At that point I am not physically capable of giving a shit about consequences anymore, so I just send out cancellation messages and go to bed. You could set the house on fire around me and I'd just curl up tighter in bed and think 'huh. fire now. okay i guess'. A guy on reddit recently illustrated how depressed he'd been in the past with the story of how a guy with a gun jumped out at him one night and demanded his wallet, and he just said, "No." The mugger was very confused and eventually went away, but the point wasn't that he was stalwart or brave or fierce; it was just that was in such a state of shutdown that he had no feelings left one way or the other about being shot, and lacked the energy to be robbed properly. [I don't recall ever hitting 10, but I may have hit a 9 when I was five and broke my forearm. The part I do remember is that they kept giving me IM Demerol, and I kept telling them it wasn't doing anything. They finally topped me out and had to set the bone no matter what. I don't recall that specific chunk of the night, which is probably a thing my brain has done on purpose. I'm told I went dead white and nearly passed out. I definitely hit a 9 the time I cracked a molar and exposed a root, which was infected by the time I could afford to go to the dentist. It is the only time I have ever seriously considered banging my head against the floor until I passed out, because the initial bottle of Vicodin and the later bottle of Percocet did not work. I coped by sleeping as much as I could, titrating myself full of NSAIDs, and knocking back DXM until I was no longer aware of having teeth.] People also ask me why I keep doing stuff, if things hurt 'that much'. Firstly, define 'that much'. Nobody ever tells you when that is, or gives you any good criteria for deciding for yourself. If you're sitting down, it doesn't hurt 'that much' and you're a lazybones who should be working like everyone else. If you're still doing things, then it's your fault for not taking care of yourself by sitting down when it hurts 'that much'. I do it for the same reason I walked home last night festooned with four bags of groceries and two hula hoops, in sleet and wind gusts of up to 40mph: There isn't another option. I was at the T stop. I needed to be at home. So I walked. It was unpleasant. Lots of things are unpleasant. You learn very quickly that your feelings do not matter. The universe is a cold sociopathic kidnapper holding a gun to your head and telling you that you will do the thing or you don't get to survive. So you do the thing, and shut the fuck up about it before worse happens. If you're incapable of doing the thing, you might get mercy the first couple of times, but it's at the whim of your captor. Someday they're going to run out of whims. You trudge home in the sleet anyway, in case that that day isn't today. I hope that didn't sound inspirational. It wasn't meant to be. I am incredibly cranky right now, and that was meant to be an illustration of my current mood, and why I have given up and decided to just spend the day in bed crying. I do not do things while I am in pain because I am strong or courageous or whatever. Don't kid yourself. I do things under duress. from Blogger http://ift.tt/2juazKg via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

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