#i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it'' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thistlecrimes · 5 months

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Things I've learned from getting covid for the first time in 2023

I wear an N95 in public spaces and I've managed to dodge it for a long time, but I finally got covid for the first time (to my knowledge) in mid-late November 2023. It was a weird experience especially because I feel like it used to be something everyone was talking about and sharing info on, so getting it for the first time now (when people generally seem averse to talking about covid) I found I needed to seek out a lot of info because I wasn't sure what to do. I put so much effort into prevention, I knew less about what to do when you have it. I'm experiencing a rebound right now so I'm currently isolating. So, I'm making a post in the hopes that if you get covid (it's pretty goddamn hard to avoid right now) this info will be helpful for you. It's a couple things I already knew and several things I learned. One part of it is based on my experience in Minnesota but some other states may have similar programs.

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The World Health Organization states you should isolate for 10 days from first having symptoms plus 3 days after the end of symptoms.

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At the time of my writing this post, in Minnesota, we have a test to treat program where you can call, report the result of your rapid test (no photo necessary) and be prescribed paxlovid over the phone to pick up from your pharmacy or have delivered to you. It is free and you do not need to have insurance. I found it by googling "Minnesota Test to Treat Covid"

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Paxlovid decreases the risk of hospitalization and death, but it's also been shown to decrease the risk of Long Covid. Long Covid can occur even from mild or asymptomatic infections.

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Covid rebound commonly occurs 2-8 days after apparent recovery. While many people associate Paxlovid with covid rebound, researchers say there is no strong evidence that Paxlovid causes covid rebound, and rebounds occur in infections that were not treated with Paxlovid as well. I knew rebounds could happen but did not know it could take 8 days. I had mine on day 7 and was completely surprised by it.

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If you start experiencing new symptoms or test positive again, the CDC states that you should start your isolation period again at day zero. Covid rebound is still contagious. Personally I'd suggest wearing a high quality respirator around folks for an additional 8-9 days after you start to test negative in case of a rebound.

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Positive results on a rapid test can be very faint, but even a very faint line is positive result. Make sure to look at your rapid test result under strong lighting. Also, false negatives are not uncommon. If you have symptoms but test negative taking multiple tests and trying different brands if you have them are not bad ideas. My ihealth tests picked up my covid, my binax now tests did not.

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EDIT: I'd highly suggest spending time with friends online if you can, I previously had a link to the NAMI warmline directory in this post but I've since been informed that NAMI is very much funded by pharmaceutical companies and lobbies for policies that take autonomy away from disabled folks, so I've taken that off of here! Sorry, I had no idea, the People's CDC listed them as a resource so I just assumed they were legit! Feel free to reply/reblog this with other warmlines/support resources if you know of them! And please reblog this version!

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I know that there is so much we can't control as individuals right now, and that's frightening. All we can do is try our best to reduce harm and to care for each other. I hope this info will be able to help folks.

#covid #covid 19 #harm reduction #apparently only 16% of Americans even got their booster #it's wild out there #which makes sense because our public health messaging has been super unhelpful and intentionally shifted the burden #of infection control onto individuals to avoid us holding them accountable because it's politically and economically inconvenient to them

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sanzaibian · 2 months

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I should have known better.

You know, those highschool cliques ? The jocks, the nerds, the goths and all... Well, even though nowadays they might not be as clear-cut as they once were, I can assure you that they still existed.

You see, I'm a nerd. But when I say nerd, I mean nerd. Like the whole socially awkward, scrawny and ugly kind of nerd. Also the nasally always-right nerd with top notch marks that reminds the teacher he made a mistake kind of nerd. And also the loves DnD, fantasy and niche interests kind of nerd... well, you get what I mean.

Me being such a caricature meant that I was endlessly teased at school, and was senselessly bullied by the jocks. You know, these hot guys with always a girl in their pants, with big muscles and an obsession with looking good.

I hated it, I hated them, and suffered silently through highschool, until I finally saw the other side when I finally went to university. Although my first years were a bit messed up by Covid, when I was in the building actually studying applied chemistry, I finally wasn't bothered. No one was there to tease me, to bully me or anything else. I could finally live in the class without being bothered !

But, in my third year, Ethan, a guy looking like one of those jocks of old switched courses and came in my class.

I was shocked ! These guys are only good for being hot, playing sports, and entering hot girls' pants ! Not for doing some actual intelligent things like applied chemistry !

But he was even more annoying, that Ethan guy. Because he did not only take the courses I took. No, in fact, he was getting better grades than me. He's so good with polymers that he is the one who asks all the questions and corrects the teacher, not me !

So I tried to avoid him as much as I could. Even when he tried to befriend me, I just scoffed at him, sometimes even mumbling that he should go back to the football stadium. I also talked to the few acquaintances that I had made through awkward bumbling at how I felt he was dumb, and perhaps was only extorting some poor nerds for information to regurgitate in class.

And, one day, at lunch, I just had enough. Ethan and the polymer teacher had an intense debate just before the end of the class, a debate that I couldn't follow. My ego was struck, to the point that I just poured my heart out to the poor people sitting with me. I was seeing red, that day, and nothing could have stopped me... not even the fact that Ethan was there a few tables next to me.

I've since then heard that Ethan was very upset after my tirade, as he is always thought to be dumb due to his interest in being in shape and stylish, while at the same time, I was coming back home all happy to finally have given people a piece of my mind.

However, when I woke back up, I felt weird. I felt heavier, less agile and especially more groggy. As if I just couldn’t quite get up. There was also something cold on my chest that I couldn’t quite identify…

So I did the only logical thing and went to the bathroom to wash my face and properly wake up. But when I saw the mirror, I think what I saw woke me up immediately.

The man behind the mirror was not me. It was a jock – a hot one at that – with big muscles, trendy hair, chiseled face and multiple jewelry. Yet, there were still a few things that signaled me I was looking at myself : the jet black hair, the tan skin, the brown eyes and especially those small pimples on my right cheek and on my right… I guess I can call it pec, now.

I stayed in front of the mirror for quite a while, looking at each corner of my reflection. I couldn’t believe it, and after a long while, decided to just eat breakfast and forget everything that happened. It just isn’t possible.

But when I was going to my kitchen I couldn’t stop being reminded of how I changed. From my heavy step to the sound of my new necklace, and from the pecs I saw in the corner of my eyes to the weird feeling I still felt in my head. When finally reaching it, I was surprised when I didn’t go for my usual biscuits but rather for an apple… I must eat healthily, after all !

After finishing eating breakfast, I went to my closet, and rather than going for the button-up I usually wore, I went for a simple white t-shirt, and went for a jacket that I didn’t feel like closing, in addition to my usual jeans – all suspiciously fitting me well.

And with that, I went to university, set on finding who did that to me.

When I arrived, the weird feeling in my head hadn’t lifted, though I was dead set in finding who was responsible. So dead set that I didn’t notice people turning their head at my arrival. Nor my backpack shifting to only being carried by one shoulder.

After a while, I saw my class, and approached them with heavy gait, swinging my torso with every step like a typical jock. However, curses befell upon me when I opened my mouth and greeted my classmate.

“Yo, bro ! Doin’ good ? I just wanted to ask, bro, anything weird happened since yesterday ?”

I was shocked at how I said that, so much that I covered my mouth with my hand. My classmate was similarly shocked, and only shook her head negatively before excusing herself. Why did she flee like that ?

I clicked my tongue before looking at myself. How had this happened ? Why am I doing weird things ? Why am I talking weirdly ? I can think the sophisticated thoughts, yet when I voice them, they are filtered through bro-speech !

As I was melting down, none other than Ethan came in, smiling. Of course it was him, I shouldn’t have given the benefit of the doubt to him ! I have been only graceful and nice to him, and this is how he repays me ? By turning me into this… hot monstrosity ?

As the anger was rising, Ethan lead me to the bathroom, and there explained himself.

“You know, Juan, you’ve been insufferable ever since we started that semester. Always distrusting me, and making others distrust me. I’ve never know why you were always so angry at me, while you treated others with respect… that is, until you went on a rant yesterday.

- You fucker ! Turn me back right now, or you’ll wish you’ve never been born, you son of bitch !” I didn’t quite expect to be this foul-mouthed…

- Hahaha ! No, I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s already so unexpected that my prayers were answered to, so you turning back ? No can do !

- Bro that’s not fair, I wasn’t bad to you, man ! You were the one being rude on my turf, bruh !

- So funny ! You now sound like one stereotypical jock in addition to looking like one ! I’m sorry, Juan, but nobody will ever take you seriously in a conference If you talk to them like that !” he laughs.

- Bro, just turn me back… I promise I won’t continue, man !

- What didn’t you understand in ‘No can do’, Juan ? the ‘no’ ?”

I roll my eyes, but he’s right… God that fucking angers me. I want to strangle that piece of shit !

“So, Juan, I guess, see you in class, if you even dare enter it…”

On that, he left. That day, I didn’t go to class, spending my time looking for information on what made me turn like that, until, like clockwork, at 5 PM I felt like I needed to go to the gym…

After a few days of searching and not finding anything at all, I decided to abandon the quest to find myself back and to rather learn to live with this new body. With Ethan stubbornly refusing to tell me how he did it and with my searches on internet only yielding weird fetish pages, I knew it was desperate...

I’ve since started to learn to cope with my strange occurrence, though it has absolutely wrecked my life. After having debated a while with the administration to prove I’m myself, I find my grades slipping, especially due to my newfound rudeness that mess up every single oral exam…

But at least, I’m hot now…

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Hello, thank you for reading my small story, I hope it wasn't too bad !

Please do not hesitate to give me feedback - especially as it is the first real time I'm writing fiction in english ^^'

#male transformation #male tf #nerd to jock #jock tf #transformation #tf story

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

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another reason i'm happy for chap 2 is bts destroying all the narratives about them and women bpp. in the wild days of ✨discourse ✨ on tumblr, thank you for being the voice of reason. before i'd see people say bts avoids women because of armys, bts never works with women, bts hates women, bts has weird relationship with women, the relationships is weird because of armys. but what happened? rm worked with soyoon and now armys are listening to her music, became her fans, respecting her. jimin danced with women and nobody died. his female dancers are loved in fandom. suga has been working with women for a decade and the fandom never cared. all those bts - women theories and discourses just look so stupid now.

the same with the discourses about bts relating to other idols in hybe and general kpop. before covid bts played with txt and after covid in chap 2, bts returns playing with txt as their idol and comeback activities return to full. like normal like was always expected.

bpp my question is, where did these theories even come from?

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Hi Anon,

It's funny, isn't it? I mean, on one hand there's always a faction of the fandom that believes the members belong to them and cannot date anyone (male or female), just as there is in every other k-pop fandom. But as you said, the talking points in certain k-pop spaces about ARMY's overall response to BTS working with women, being around women, having friendships with women, especially in contrast with how BTS relates to ARMY, has zero basis in reality.

Outside of the usual fandom tone-policing and checking y/n shippers (and taekookers), the whole idea of BTS - women - ARMY as a whole having any sort of weird relationship is a very recent thing too, because this is not a talking point I saw anywhere in the fandom before 2020. Going by some forums I was in at the time, I suspect this particular 'concern' was started by fans of other k-pop groups in 2020 and I'll just leave it at that. Like I vividly recall a Taemin stan telling me without preamble to wake up to the fact BTS is "kept away" from women. With BTS's long history of working with and interacting with women whether or not ARMY was in the picture, none of those theories made any sense to me.

It's such an odd thing to even debate or discuss given everyone can see with their own eyes how that dynamic has played out for the last 10 years. There's no conspiracy or anything to even theorize about, far as I'm concerned, because many of their female friendships and work relationships are well known.

Nobody lost their shit when Ryujin was spending time with BTS, when she filmed the reel with BTS, and afterwards when she talked about working with them. And I can list off 10 other women (at least) who this is true for too.

I hear you too about BTS working with other idols especially within HYBE. It's true that while touring in 2019 BTS was very busy and appeared 'removed' from TXT who where just ramping up, and that since 2015 BTS had focused more on curating their own content/variety shows given they'd been repeatedly disrespected and blackballed by the Korean media establishment. But they still interacted with other idols and after they clarified their plans for Chapter 2, just continued as expected. But somehow, the talking point of BTS feeling 'too proud' to interact with the rest of k-pop (by k-pop stans), that too took on a life of its own, and was made to seem more nefarious than it actually was. I still find a bit amusing tbh.

I think one reason these sorts of theories about BTS and the most innocuous things get obsessed over as fact by k-pop stans, is because for a group like BTS, those people have nothing else to say. There's very little you can actually hold against a group like BTS. And I'm not saying that just because I'm a fan. The fact is with the history most k-pop groups have, very few of them could last anytime at all in BTS's position with the amount of scrutiny on the group.

A second reason is k-pop fans relying on pre-conceived notions about a group they don't like, and then applying the worst examples of issues they've seen in their own or other k-pop fandoms, to BTS and ARMY regardless of whether it applies. For example, VIXX is in the news lately because a member worked with a broker to dodge military service in Korea, but before now that group was notorious for some of the most disturbing kinds of fan-service I've ever seen in k-pop.

Exhibits:

A female fan giving Hakyeon her thong to sign

(A lot of k-pop stans back then and today think this is cute, but imagine for a second if this was a BTS member and ARMY lmao)

The group members designing thongs and other lingerie for their female fans

(I mean, I can see how this could be a flex but imagine for one sec if this was in BTS's history)

And there's the group including a BDSM contract for their fans in their album

(Almost 10 years later and I still don't know what to say...)

Another example is members of Shinee saying point blank they can't talk about their dating life because their fans have told them they don't like it.

I mean, imagine if BTS did any of that today. Heck imagine if they did that years ago. K-pop stans are still making them pay dividends for War of Hormone and mixtape lyrics from 2015, even after a Women Studies professor vets their work, even after HYBE has female CEOs for their sub-labels, and even after on Blind in Korea female workers say HYBE is the best company in the entertainment sector to work for.

A lot of the talking points, criticism, or discourse around BTS sounds bonkers, especially if you know what else is going on in the industry, what other groups are doing or have done with nary a mention from the wider k-pop fandom.

It reminds me of how Jimin was getting flamed for missed insurance payments because someone stole his mail, while during the same day the news broke, Yang Hyun-suk (the guy who manages BlackPink and is debuting Baby Monster this summer) was in court after a former female trainee in his company claimed he threatened to kill her, gave her drugs, and pimped her out. If you took a look at the trending k-pop pages on Twitter or k-forums, you'd think Jimin was the one facing a sentence and not the guy that remains at the helm of YG.

Because as I keep saying, for many k-pop stans, the underlying issues are less important than who those issues are about. Apply the same thinking to the theories you see about BTS and women.

Even in the case of outright dating rumors in the past 10 years, the fandom didn't collectively lose their shit. Jennie's case being the exception because she had the double misfortune of triggering the most unhinged side of the fandom (taekookers) and belonging to a group whose fandom has some of the most extreme rivalries with ARMY, and so many from her fandom worked to disprove it as virulently as taekookers did. I consider Jennie an anomaly for that reason because there have been several examples over the years when nobody cared. For example when the dating rumors of Jimin with Seulgi from Red Velvet happened, the most people did was speculate and move on...

I've rambled lol, but anyway, what I mean to say is that agree with you Anon.

#bts #kpop #bts and women #fandom behaviour #kpop fandom #bts army #bts fandom #Bangtan #K-pop #fandom discourse

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witchgreen6 · 9 months

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Saw the Bishagate video for the 1st time & I think he knew exactly what he was saying...

I am a late comer to Supernatural & all the behind the scene 'drama'. Having read about 'Bishagate' on Tumblr, I was curious to see the actual video where Misha makes his infamous 'I am all 3 statement'. I was expecting it to show him stumbling over his words & blurting out 'bisexual' by mistake (when in fact he meant to use a word such as 'ambivert'). But the video shows that this was no 'misspeaking'! he purposely uses the word 'bisexual' then pauses for effect to give the audience time to catch up with what he has just said, he looks a bit nervous and seems to be breathing heavily the smiles then says 'I am all 3''. He then uses the term bisexual AGAIN shortly after and says that it would have been weird of him to ask the audience about how many of them were bisexual from the start so he (bizarrely) chose to start with asking them about being introvert/extrovert... I mean WTF? how did so many people in the fandom/media actually believe & accept for a second his explanation that this was 'accidental' slip of the tongue, that things were 'out of context' and that he never meant to use the term 'bisexual'. He absolutely used bisexual on purpose and knew exactly what he was saying... So the only explanations I can think of for this mess is that he ever thought it was ''funny'' to pretend to be/joke about being bisexual to get some attention/publicity which is rather crappy (I am queer & I really don't appreciate that type of 'jokes') or he really meant what he said and for whatever reason decided to get back in the closet. Neither options are actually showing him in a great light & I find all this rather disappointing. I will continue to love the Castiel character but being asked to swallow this nonsense by the actor who plays him is not happening because it defies all logic when you watch the actual footage. The statement that Misha then put out on social media is also problematic because it starts with a claim that is simply not true: ''My clumsy intention was to wave off actually discussing my sexuality''. Again the video footage contradicts this. A fan asked a question about the Covid lockdowns and what Misha had learned about himself during that period which leads him to saying he discovered he was more of an extrovert than he thought. The fan's question made no reference to sexuality. Misha brings up bisexuality out of the blue, you can even hear someone in the audience say 'where did that come from?'. So if a statement starts with a lie, it is hard to then read anything else that it contains as truthful. Celebrities, like anyone else, don't owe others details about their sexuality but they do have a responsibility not to appropriate queerness as a marketing tool if they are not queer or to treat it as a joke. SPN has a long history of queer baiting and Misha should know better than to continue that sorry tradition. On the other hand if the reason for this mess was that he felt uncomfortable with the attention he received and decided to backtrack then that's incredibly sad. I also think that him claiming the network asked him to continue to pretend to be bi is misleading: instead it is very likely that their PR people pointed out that he had dug a rather large hole for himself and that the best way was to keep quiet, let the media interest die down & decline to comment further on his sexuality from then on. Because there was no way PR-wise that Misha could avoid a negative backlash if he had to admit that this was yet another queer-baiting stunt from him/he thought that joking about being bisexual was appropriate. This would also have brought the SPN existing queer baiting/homophobia issues under the spotlight and bring in more bad publicity for the network. To conclude I wish I had just continued to enjoy Supernatural, flawed, geeky but still funny & often moving, rather than look into the behind the scene (the conventions drama, the questionable behaviour/statements made by some of the actors) because it coloured the show negatively for me after that.

#mishacollins #bishagate #supernatural #liarliarpantsonfire #queer #queerbaiting #spn #castiel

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airyairyaucontraire · 1 year

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Ever get your period a day or two before a trip and wish you could just shove the vacuum cleaner up there and get it all out in one go and not have to deal with that nonsense away from home and your own washing machine and so forth?

Look, I have to say I am not unappreciative for my good fortune in assorted ways but 2023 needs to pull its fucking socks up. First we spent the first week of the new year with COVID-19 cutting a swath through the household. My dad tested positive on New Year’s Day, his actual birthday. Long-time tumblies will be aware that my dad is a man of multifarious shortcomings but I really don’t think he altogether deserved that. So we’ve spent the week in semi-isolation with the weird feature that as the only adult who didn’t seem to get it, it’s like I’ve been quarantined in my room. (Tested negative daily the entire time, a rare feat for my generally very basic immune system.) There is nowhere to sit except the bed so I’ve basically been bedridden, while ACTUALLY PERFECTLY HEALTHY but endeavouring to avoid my closest relatives’ plague, and I’ve managed to fuck up the traitor muscle on the left side of my shoulder/neck/back axis due to inactivity/odd positions. The best thing that’s happened the entire fucking week is Little Nephew and I went out with masks on to buy Red Niece a new raincoat (Green Niece fits and loves his old raincoat but there’s only one of it) and had ice-cream/a milkshake before we went home, that was the fucking highlight. (Green Niece’s raincoat has a pattern of sharks. Red Niece’s raincoat has a pattern of butterflies and that is exactly what they are like as people.)

(It’s so interesting yet also sad to consider how different Little Nephew’s stillborn twin Harrison would have been from him, had he lived. I sometimes imagine two copies of Little Nephew scampering around here, but Harrison being as different from him as Red is from Green. I wish I could have known him and seen his individual ways. However, I also think “Christ Almighty, two sets of them would break us,” so it’s a bit of a thing all in all and I don’t share that thought with him or my sister obviously.)

My Red Niece comes to see me every day to demand an extremely specific My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic picture be printed off to be stuck to cardboard and cut out for her to play with rather than my sister having to source and purchase MULTIPLE discontinued toys from an earlier generation, and quite frankly even the current generation is not easy to find in New Zealand stores! We have been carefully preparing her psychologically for the fact that there is no printer at the beach house we’re going to for five days next week and she will have to make do with the ponies she’s got. I probably need to put in more time on this but it makes me a bit sad that other than describing the pictures she wants, she doesn’t really discuss FiM with me and as you know, I’ve got thoughts. And a purple wig I’ve worn to cosplay Human Rarity. I wonder where that is, or if I got rid of it in a fit of “The world has changed and this is never going to be my life again”? Because it was a cute wig and we’d make a swell Rarity and Sweetie Bell.

I’m sorry, you know I love Rarity (sobbing) so much

Also, am experimenting on myself and discovered that, per the neurologist’s suggestion, alcohol does reduce my leg tremor problem! Of course it also renders me unfit to drive and possibly to work, but that’s interesting to know, isn’t it!

And the weather’s been verily shit, so rainy, and forecast for rain every bloody day but one in the location we’re going to. There’s always hope for it to be nicer than forecast, I’ve certainly experienced that at times, but still, 2023, get your fucking act together! This is not good enough! You are going to be the Year of the Rabbit soon! Is this good enough for Sailor Moon? No! It is not!

And Little Nephew is having some manner of pre-pubescent hormonal surge that is apparently pretty common in eight-year-old lads and is on an emotional roller coaster which at times renders him dia-bleeding-bolical, my God, the fucking DRAMA

And I’ve just started my period and we’re going away the day after tomorrow

And I would just very much like 2023 to get its fucking shit together because it’s not easy for anyone but WE ARE BLOODY WELL TRYING

#life with airy #oh and kevin bloody mccarthy got elected speaker finally #what’s it like to know you are absolutely bottom of the dogshit barrel but you finally dragged your lousy carcass over the line kev

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roo-bastmoon · 2 years

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You are slowly slowly turning again like other jkkrs here. You are well reasonable some weeks ago. But now my question to you is...do you feel it's strange or not that jk hanging out alone or with other people on the same day jimin came back after 2 weeks and after that too he seen for lunch alone? If they are actually a couple...don't you think any couple surely spend their time together if one partner comes back after so many days? Isn't it weird? From past year... there just so many things which continuously indicating atleast a gap in their relationship. It seems like now normal friendship and nothing beyond that. Jimin was the last one to know about floods too...you can't compare a romantic long term healthy love relationship to some normal friendship by saying his friends didn't tell him either. I admire u more seriously when u talk about facts some weeks ago but now u again seems like really trying to like... forcing urself to believe in jikook romantically. You are talking about negative points too about them openly before...and i admired u for that but now u seems changed. But still....ur thoughts on my question above???

Dear Slowly Turning,

Exchanges like this are getting exhausting because I consistently say the same things over and over, and folks keep dismissing my points because it’s not what they want to hear.

If it seems like I’m slowly becoming like other Jikook fans, it’s because I’m slowly growing from a baby Army into a more seasoned Jikooker. And when older Army tell me it takes time to know where Jikook are at with each other, I’m starting to see they have a good point.

You say that Jungkook didn’t speak to Jimin while he was in Los Angeles. How do you know?

How do you know they never communicated?

Because Jimin didn’t know how severe the weather was in Seoul? He was 16 hours behind, totally focused on his work. NO ONE told Park Jimin about the flooding, not the staff with him in LA, not his collaborators in LA, not his family in Busan, nor his company in Seoul, not his news apps, and apparently not his members. Either no one spoke to him, OR he just didn’t check his phone for a while because he had his head down, trying to make a fantastic solo album. He was ONE DAY behind knowing about the extent of the flooding. That’s not evidence that he and Jungkook are not romantic. That's evidence he was preoccupied.

How do you KNOW in all that time, he and JK didn’t text or chat about other things even once?

Then you say JK went to lunch on the day Jimin arrived home, so they didn’t see each other. How do you know?

How do you know they didn’t see each other?

How do you know JK’s autograph was posted on the very same day he went to the restaurant? (Or that the photo with the fan in the street was posted in real time? Sometimes folks hold that stuff back to avoid them getting swarmed.) How do you know JK didn’t see Jimin before or after these things happened? How do you know they didn’t make plans to hang out several days later, when Jimin was no longer exhausted or could be sure he didn’t bring back COVID again?

And let’s imagine they DIDN'T talk much or immediately hang out—why does that negate what seems like years of a loving relationship? They are busy; they are allowed to do things on their own without it meaning they don't love one another.

How can you say you KNOW there’s a gap between them, when you aren’t privy to all the details of their days?

Look, it’s not unreasonable to say: “I haven’t seen any evidence of Jimin and Jungkook hanging out 1:1 in their personal time for a while now, so I conclude that they MIGHT NOT BE as close as before and probably aren’t dating.”

That is not unreasonable, because that is based on the data you have right now. It is your HYPOTHESIS.

But the data you have right now is of such a limited sample size, I really have to wonder if it’s enough to draw any valid CONCLUSIONS.

I haven’t seen photos of the inside of Jimin’s home, nor of him hanging out with non-famous friends, nor of him talking to his family, nor of him preparing for the Busan expo concert.

It’s reasonable to assume that Jimin likely has a home, and sees friends, and checks in with his family, and is working on upcoming performances—but he hasn’t spoken about it and I’ve seen no photos or videos about any of that.

It would be premature for me to say that because I haven’t seen it, it doesn’t exist.

To give some examples, I had no clue Jimin was working on English lessons until he said it in the walnut Vlive. I didn’t know that Jimin was dealing with his insurance premiums issue for months. I had no idea he commissioned a billboard sign for Sungwoon’s birthday and then showed up at his house and dragged the poor guy to go see it until Sungwoon told us. I never would have known Jikook went out on White Day if fan photos hadn’t leaked. I didn’t know Jungkook and Jimin hung out after quarantine during the Grammys until Jungkook said on his Instagram “Have I seen Jiminie? OF COURSE! I ran to his room. 'JUNGKOOK-AH!'” *mimicking embracing* I hadn’t the smallest notion that Jimin recently had his wisdom teeth out until he mentioned it in his Vlog. I didn't know if JK liked the song With You for months until he sang it on HIS Vlog.

Jimin and Jungkook don’t post selcas together (though sometimes they are in the background of each other’s concert-related photos) and they don’t talk about every single time they hang out. Because despite what the cult is desperate to believe, their relationship is not just for the cameras. Sometimes we find out about ice skating and escape rooms and shopping and traveling with friends and mom’s kimchi and Bam sleeping in Jimin’s elbow and watching Marvel movies or anime or K-dramas together… long, long after it took place.

Jimin is playing it way close to the vest these days—far more than he did prior to the pandemic, that’s for sure. It’s not reaching to say we are getting carefully curated content when it comes to Park Jimin.

Listen, if my registered mail were tampered with not once but FOUR times… and photos of that mail with my exact home address and government-issued ID number were posted online so I could get stalked… and my home was “seized” by the government… and news of this “shame” was carefully held back to hit the press on the SAME DAY my first OST dropped… I’d look at all that sabotage, likely from an inside source, and I’d think twice about my closeted homosexual relationship in a conservative country that was debating the terms of my mandatory military service where gay sex acts can land me in prison… and at the very least, I’d cool it on the PDA. I’d share a lot less of myself and my lover.

If it were me, personally? I might go so far as to say, “I love you with all my heart, Jungkook, but until we are out of the military and done with our idol careers, I’m not dating you or anyone. The potential for blackmail and harassment is just too high. Let’s just be good friends.”

And making that call would be absolutely tragic, but not irresponsible or out of the blue. So yeah, it’s possible they are just friends now. Absolutely possible.

Do I think Jimin and Jungkook are dating? I genuinely do not know. I HOPE so. But hoping is not knowing.

We’re SEEING less touching, less compliments, less staring, less evidence of hanging out one-on-one since Vegas. (I would argue that we might be being shown less by design because Jimin’s “scandal” broke after Vegas.) So no one in good faith can say they are 100% sure they are together right at this moment.

But we also aren’t seeing any anger, awkwardness, stiltedness, sulkiness, disdain, or dismissal between then, nor tension among the group with regard to them. So we can’t say it’s likely they broke up, either.

My stance is “Let’s wait and see some more.” I need more content; I need to see the vibes consistently over time. (I reserve the right to change my stance at any time with new evidence.)

It’s okay if my stance is not your stance. If you’re in a rush to pronounce the Jikook ship is sunk, I’m not out to convert you to my way of thinking. You don’t need to walk by faith instead of sight; it would be unfair to ask that of you. I will still be civil with you, so long as you’re respectful of all members and other fans.

In fact, I appreciate perspectives that are very different from mine, because it helps me refine my own way of thinking by challenging any biases I might have. So long as the tone is respectful, we can talk about anything.

But please hear me when I tell you honestly where my head is at:

What I sense now between Jimin and Jungkook is affection, warmth, comfort, familiarity. I am not seeing much of boyfriend vibes, sexual attraction, pining, or deep intimate knowledge of each other’s day to day. I’m not seeing it, maybe because I need a bigger sample size. Sometimes we get evidence months or years later, and not directly from them, either.

There were people who were convinced Jikook broke up in 2020, only to find a bunch of cute moments in Memories a year later. As older Army keep reminding me: IT TAKES TIME TO GET A CLEAR PICTURE.

So please stop pressuring me to “see the light.” I really don’t care if you respect my opinions or admire my blog—I’m not out to please you, or anyone (even myself). I promise to always give an honest account of my fan experience and to discuss my ideas in good faith. But what impresses other people doesn’t factor into my choices one whit.

In the end, it’s Jimin and Jungkook's relationship. They have a right to guard it or flaunt it however they like. I have always been in love with their love, but it’s not my place to make demands on them to act a certain way just for my enjoyment or reassurance.

I hope Jimin and Jungkook are together—and if they are not, I hope they are at least happy and fulfilled creatively. I will always support them and all of BTS no matter what.

Now, this has to be the last time we go 'round about this. If you keep insisting that the flood or eating out separately means Jikook can’t be together, I’ll just delete your asks and block you. I hate to do that, but this cyclical argument is not productive.

In fact, it’s getting toxic. It’s almost like you’ve got a solo or Taekooker agenda or something. I’m not sure why you’re so dogged about the idea that Jikook just can’t be together.

So, from here on out, I won’t be typing up three pages of refuting perspective.

If you don’t believe in Jikook, that’s 100% fine by me. It truly, truly is fine by me. I really have nothing to prove, here.

But I’m reserving judgement, and you’re just going to have to make peace with that. I promise to let you know if I ever feel like I have enough data to make a call either way.

Meanwhile, go in peace and have this cute compilation of Jikookery to take with you:

Extremely tired but trying to kindly be yours,

Roo

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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Me: I need to start living more in the real world. This escapist comedy stuff that got me through the last couple of years during COVID was very good as it gave me something to feel connected to when I had nothing else, but I need to try to balance that. Not let go of it completely. Just avoid being so focused on it mentally, so I can have more room for other things. The transition back to real life is hard, and in many ways that because of changed circumstances and other things outside my control, but when I find those changes confusing and difficult, it’s too easy for me to retreat to the same escapist stuff instead of dealing with it. In fact, as the expectation that I get back into dealing with the real world has gotten stronger in recent months, I’ve retreated further into it. Getting more interested in specific stuff that happened years ago, because it’s chronologically further away than a panel show that aired last week, and it’s culturally further away from the more mainstream stuff. It’s even more escapist. I need to try to stay out of the rabbit holes and engage with the world.

Me, at 9:45 PM on a Wednesday night: Okay, I’m pretty sure the bootleg recordings I want cannot be found in this thread. In this thread from 2007, which is about 1/3 people sharing recordings they’ve made off the radio or at live shows, 1/3 people slut shaming Daniel Kitson over a rumour that he may have slept with a female fan or two, and 1/3 people arguing over whether they should lose respect for Kitson because he likes Josie Long and she’s the worst. Or at least, it was about equal parts those things, though now they’re starting to develop a side argument about whether Josie Long winning an award is the death knell for the entire comedy industry, or whether she’s just a normal level of shit comedian. Including someone who wrote a four-paragraph defense of why calling her fat is intellectually justified artistic criticism. And someone else says this thread is supposed to be for posting Daniel Kitson recordings so stop derailing it to be about how much we all fucking hate this one of the like four female comedians who were known in 2007, and does anyone have that radio thing he did last night? And then someone does post a link to a recording, and I click again, and of course the file is not there. None of the fucking files are there. But if I keep reading through this absolute shitshow of a thread, maybe the next one will be. Oh look, someone just connected the speculation about Kitson's sex life to the discussions of what they should think about him liking Josie Long, God, I'm going to need a shower to clean off the level of gutter I'm wading through just for the unlikely chance that anyone has posted a file on a platform that would preserve it for 15 years. Having said that, I will hypocriticly forgive every one of these weird misogynistic gossip mongers if it does turn out that one of them can help me out with this.

This is what you're making me do, Kitson. By not just putting more of your archives up on the internet where they're easy to find and pay for, you're forcing me to read this. I know you have everything recorded, but if you'd rather I get the recordings from some asshole with thoughts about what would be the only reason you'd hang out with a [insert something misogynistic here, I agree with you that "cunt" is not an inherently misogynistic slur, but it is the way they fucking use it] like Josie Long, then that's on you.

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nkhrchuwuya · 2 years

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✨ Hi Cee!! Massive congratulations to the 500 milestone!! A little sharing, but ive been around here since January, and I have to say, your fics we're one of the things I held onto when I caught covid 🥺 your presence and works in this site is always a joy to have. Congrats again!! Much love~

If it's okay, I'd like to join your event! I'm a female, she/her pronouns. I can be extroverted if the environment Im in requires of it, but otherwise Im pretty quiet most of the time. I do like talking to people though, as long as they approach me first! I also like admiring people from afar since Im very bad at approaching strangers. Im generally friendly but I have very few friends I trust with my life. I have a tendency to accept too much responsibilities and i like looking after people! Its like Im introverted until someone more quiet comes around, then suddenly Im the mom friend 🙈 That said, people dont often look after me, but I really love it when they do, and people don't realize it often ig 👉👈 im a bit of an empath so im prone to getting emotionally drained sometimes, but its not like i avoid people's moods. I also have a pretty sharp tongue and a knack for dressing up, and also big on physical touch. That's about it, thank you in advance! Hugs and more power 💥

hey hey oh my gosh! nice to finally talk to you like this! thank you so much for your support all this time 🥺 i hope you're doing alright now and covid didn't leave any bad symptoms on you! also sending lots of hugs to you, thank you again for sticking around!

here are your headcanons, i hope they're to your liking!

chuuya first meets your extroverted side, and somehow he has this inkling that this isn't how you usually are. in the middle of a loud party, he asks if you'd like to talk somewhere a little quieter. at first you're apprehensive, but he turns out to be quite the gentleman!

he takes his time with you, by which i mean he really gets to know you better before he makes any moves on you. he's a delight as a friend (if, at least, you're into the more aggressive types of friends who will bite someone's neck if they so much as look weird at you), and the falling will be slow but ever so steady :')

now that you're together... hear me out, but people watching. you know those few minutes after a heavy meal where you could get up already but you'd rather sit a little bit and maybe chat as you let the food settle in your stomach? those are spent people watching with chuuya. he just adores your keen eye at noticing little things strangers do/carry with them, especially if you find something interesting to fixate on. (translated, this means, he loves watching you watch other people with a concentrated gaze because you look super adorable.)

you will worry your guts out over chuuya a lot of times. that's really what's part of the contract when you got into a relationship with someone from the port mafia. there are unanswered phone calls, waking up in the middle of the night alone in bed, dinners going cold. but you trust every time that he will come home... and he always does :)

that said, chuuya also is concerned about you taking on too many responsibilities, whether that's academically or in your work or even with your friends. as much as possible he will try to help you with them, or if not that, then help you say no to them, or even how to back out of them when necessary. he always stresses that you have to put you first and if it'll take him 10,000 times of saying it for it to get through your head then he will do it.

loves it when you dress up for him. he's got a sharp eye for fashion as well but of course he'd rather see what you'd make up for yourself. he always has comments if ever you want them, and he phrases them in such a way that it's not offensive. will also drag you to the most designer boutique kind of places if those are where your inspiration lies.

your sharp tongue is a wonder for him, actually! if you can use it for banter then even better. he just prefers someone who can be direct with him, even if sometimes it will take him off guard, especially the first few times if you're not like that from the start.

loads! of! cuddles! especially when he learns you have at hing for physical touch? he's always been a snuggler but now he's extra at it. a hand on your waist while you're cooking. arm tangled around yours while walking in the mall. gods, even just your pinkies touching when the heat of the summer is too much. whenever he can, chuuya has a hand on you.

the thing about being a couple now with chuuya is that he will love so much that you've let him into your small circle of people close to you, and he will never take that opportunity for granted. he is in no way perfect, and he will make mistakes and hurt your feelings, but he will do the best he can to be everything you could ask for him to be, as long as you promise to stay by his side.

#rirk-ke #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

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rivertalesien · 2 years

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Some thoughts, post-Covid, present-long-Covid.

*The constant exhaustion is real. Never known anything quite like it. Sit up, do a chore, have to sit back down. Just feels like weights are being added to my body every day.

*No hunger. Have had zero interest in food. Only eat because I have to. **Could be depression-related, but this feels way different.

*Not really sure if it's "brain fog" but forgetting words, like basic words for basic everyday things is very real. Not remembering names of famous people, even when looking at their picture or a video of them. Have to write down every reminder for something. Forgetting conversations, even if they just happened.

*Cold-like symptoms lasted a month or so, still congested a lot, still have trouble noticing certain smells. It has to be very strong (like bleach).

*Irregular heartbeats and headaches. Probably the most stressful symptoms as they happen just entirely out of the blue. Sometimes the weird heartbeats lead to bad coughing jags and breathlessness for a few minutes (though I've no idea if that's more from anxiety).

*Body heat regulation. This is a really weird one. Constantly warm (though not feverish), never seem to cool down unless outside. Will wake up soaked in sweat. Like, have-to-change-now level of soaked.

Took me an hour to type this out.

Maybe none of this sounds bad to you, or maybe it sounds manageable. I'm not finding it that way.

Please wear a mask, get vaxxed/boosted, avoid large indoor gatherings if you can.

And contact your reps and the White House and encourage them to follow the advice of the hundreds of public health officials who are despondent over putting economy and profiteering first. Mitigation measures should be in place everywhere. Covid isn't going away.

#personal #long covid #covid 19

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gabbagepatch · 2 months

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Gonna try to act like I'm normal for a sec and talk about my experience getting accommodations for my hearing loss this semester.

I've had severe tinnitus since January after a mild COVID infection. The accompanying symptoms are unilateral hearing loss, episodes of intense vertigo, degradation of my balance, and of course constant tinnitus. This illness is a bit of a chicken or the egg scenario, and these symptoms can vary heavily day-to-day.

As someone who used a wheelchair and cane for approximately two years from 2016-2018 I was already familiar to the rigmarole of getting accommodations from an educational institution. I've also had experience with chronic pain so I was more prepared than some others for a sudden illness that impacts my daily life.

Once I realized that the first-line treatment wasn't successful I got to work immediately with my college's disability office. I am not the bitch who's gonna wait to get the stuff I need. I care too much about my education to suffer needlessly when I know this illness isn't going away for a while.

I cannot stress this enough! Do not wait for it to get worse, you do not need to deny yourself accommodations because it isn't "as bad as it could be" yet! Worst case scenario is that you get accommodations and didn't need them as long as you thought.

I visited the website and was very disappointed that the resources were confusing and limited. It seemed to me that there was an unstated assumption that the person needing the forms was a new student, so the things I needed were buried in new student paperwork that didn't apply to me. It also was not easy to find their policies on applications submitted outside of enrollment, and I was applying mid-semester. I called the line for the disability office, but the number was either outdated or they were closed at 1pm on a Wednesday. I was very frustrated initially. This might just be me but I'm of the opinion that important resources like this should be easy to find regardless of circumstance and that the people you need to reach for questions should be available during normal hours, but whatevs.

I ended up emailing the head of the disability office informing her of a lack of phone response, a small blurb about my situation, and the questions I was looking for answers to. Despite my issues with the website she called me within the hour of my email. If this lovely woman could call me immediately after I sent an email why couldn't I reach someone over the phone? I thought that was weird, but she was super helpful nonetheless so I can't be too annoyed. She explained the process and it was actually pretty simple, but you'd never know it from their webpage.

For me, my college required my primary care provider to fill out a short form, one page front and back. It had simple questions about what abilities were affected and how severely; plus a simple consent portion authorizing my school to receive that medical information. I recommend filling this out before the appointment with your provider, because it saves time. I filled out the legal portion but didn't do the assessment ahead of time. It worked out because during this appointment my hearing turned out to be worse than I thought, so hearing impairment was rated "severe" and not "moderate" as I had assumed. Afterwards it was easy to scan and email to the disability office. My school's email system is secure so I was not worried about sending such things over email, but use your best judgement.

I had thoughts that I was "jumping the gun" a little, but was able to push that aside. It's basically impossible to avoid self-doubt as someone with a disability or illness. The world is full of inspiration porn and there will always be people who judge you for not trying hard enough. The idea that accommodations should be a last resort after tireless effort to "overcome" your disability is total bullshit, but you didn't need me to tell you that.

There was also a small worry that it would be read as manipulative or arrogant to request accommodations so soon after my illness began. I also had to push this aside. Many abled people expect accommodations to be requested meekly, and look down on those who are confident in their own limitations. Often being too sure of yourself and your needs is taken as a sign you're taking advantage of the institution. Once again, total bullshit. You don't owe anyone a performance of shame and apprehension.

Back to the process. Once she received the paperwork everything was basically out of my hands. My professors were notified of the accommodations I requested and I was able to begin implementing them smoothly during class. Of course my accommodations are not as involved as others may be. I requested to record my lectures and sit in areas best suited to my hearing, these are generally very easy for professors to accommodate. My balance issues are another matter, but I'm not in classes that require lifting or bending so it hasn't come up.

I have to say my experience with college if much better than public school so far. I think it's a lot easier for k-12 to get away with shitty behavior than college professors, but that's just my personal experience. I got a lot of grief for my past disability in school than now. The day before I was pulled out of public school the school nurse told me she "didn't have time for this" when I nearly passed out! I think the semi-professional setting/attitude of college encourages a more "HR friendly" response to stuff like this, but I've heard enough horror stories to know that no institution is immune to ableism.

Overall I'm pretty happy with my experience so far, and I feel like my college is doing a pretty good job in my case. I'm just happy that my education doesn't seem like it's going to be another stressor. I've got enough on my plate dealing with appointments, PT, and tests so I really appreciate that my college was responsive and understanding.

#life update #disabled #disability #physical disability #college #student #student life #hard of hearing #hearing loss #hearing impaired #accomodation #meniere's disease #SSHL

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senadimell · 2 years

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monkeypox

Shoutout to the lady in the grocery store who stopped me from getting a cart and brought over a sanitizing wipe while telling me “you don’t want to get monkeypox!”

She initially triggered my freeze-up “oh no I’ve committed some unknown horrible social crime” response when I she first got my attention before I heard what she had to say, but she wasn’t judgemental or mean and I just really appreciate the fact that she brought over the sanitizing wipe herself rather than just calling me out or criticizing me, because she made it clear that she wasn’t singling me out, she was just looking out for me because she considered me, the random stranger at the grocery store, to be part of the community, and we were all in this together.

And I did need to hear it, you know? I’m really picky about hand stuff so I don’t usually use hand sanitizer for sensory reasons unless I have to, and with COVID, fomites (e.g. surfaces like door handles or shopping carts) weren’t really a major vector of infection, so I developed a skepticism towards places that were all about sanitizing surfaces without acknowledging that it was really air and proximity that was the problem. It didn’t really matter how often you sanitized restaurant tables when there were people breathing, eating, and talking without masks.

But monkey pox isn’t COVID. It spreads primarily by touch, and fomites are a bigger deal, though it’s still probably clothes and direct contact you should look out for. So yeah, I probably did need to sanitize the shopping cart, or at the very least ditch the mindset that this virus isn’t serious enough to merit behavioral change. But I didn’t know that because I haven’t been taking monkeypox seriously and didn’t research it. It seemed exotic and rare and not very important, kinda like the ebola scare in the US. But this isn’t Ebola—it’s already here in the thousands and it’s spreading and it would sure be nice to nip it in the bud rather than do a whole COVID repeat, right? It’s its own kind of nasty, and you can expect to lose 2-4 weeks minimum while dealing with annoying, painful, scarring pox, not to mention any unknown long-term side affects because viruses are really weird.

So stay safe, y’all.

https://www.cdc.gov/poxvirus/monkeypox/symptoms.html

https://www.cdc.gov/poxvirus/monkeypox/prevention/protect-yourself.html

1. Avoid close, skin-to-skin contact with people who have a rash that looks like monkeypox.

Do not touch the rash or scabs of a person with monkeypox.

Do not kiss, hug, cuddle or have sex with someone with monkeypox.

2. Avoid contact with objects and materials that a person with monkeypox has used.

Do not share eating utensils or cups with a person with monkeypox.

Do not handle or touch the bedding, towels, or clothing of a person with monkeypox.

3. Wash your hands often.

Wash your hands often with soap and water or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer, especially before eating or touching your face and after you use the bathroom.

https://www.cdc.gov/poxvirus/monkeypox/vaccines.html

https://www.cdc.gov/poxvirus/monkeypox/if-you-are-sick.html

youtube

#monkeypox #psa

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aoitrinity · 3 years

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Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it.

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in.

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length.

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages.

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money.

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments.

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve.

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

#supernatural season 15 #spn finale #speculation #destiel #destielgate #the ending was not the ending #fuck the cw #trust the story #we were robbed

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Hey, I have kind of hc'ed myself into a corner. I'm working on a oneshot based on someone else's art, which takes place at an office christmas party. Somewhere along the way I started hc'ing one of the chars as jewish tho. I went through your tags and it appears to me that it wouldn't actually be a problem for him to be at the party, as long as it's not overly religious? (Which it isn't. It's just a "christmas party" because of christian culture.) My main question is now, what would be good, small ways to keep the character noticeably jewish, esp in a relatively short story? My thoughts so far were that he'd probably object to someone putting a santa hat on him? And/or his colleagues might thank him for taking some extra shifts during christmas itself so they can stay home (in exchange for covering shifts for him during Chanukah? I know it's not a major holiday but around the same time so an exchange would make sense?) Mostly I'm just looking for every-day details, maybe something you guys would like to see more of? Thanks in advance!

Jewish character attending office Christmas party, also Chanukah

I like thanking him for working on Christmas — but working for him "on Chanukah" really doesn't make a whole lot of sense because you wouldn't be missing work. Recognition of the holiday is done mostly through lighting candles at night. If you want the exchange to be fair, they could always have traded just for him traveling at a different time — like oh, thanks for working for us on Christmas, now I'll work for you the following Tuesday — a day off is a day off.

Mileage may vary on the Santa hat. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with someone putting that on my head if I was already at a Christmas party but someone else might, so I'm curious what our Jewish followers will say about this in the notes.

He can maybe bring something traditional like rugelach or babka as his contribution to the party's dessert potluck... or if you want something specifically seasonal, jelly donuts (which are a Chanukah thing for some people.)

--Shira

I'll start with a caveat I've made before: Jewish people are varied. Our practices, views, and choices are manifold.

All of that being said, there's no way I would go to a Christmas party. I know what you mean when you describe the party as not being overly religious but "Christmas because of Christian culture." From where I'm sitting though, you can take the Jesus out of it, but it's still a Christian holiday, Santa, trees with lights, caroling, Christmas music (even the heaps of songs written by Jewish people) are all still Christian culture. Christian being the operative word, and with my operative word being Jewish.

Now, let’s say I went to a secular, winter-party. We'll imagine that there are no decorated trees, no gifts being given, just snowflake decor and mulled wine. If someone at that party (or any other), who knew that I'm Jewish, tried to put a Santa hat on my head, I would be immediately arguing with my fullest, deepest voice. Christmas is pervasive, it's music in the stores, lights on every street, public buildings closed, and everyone wishing you a "Merry Christmas," and then angry when you smile and say "thank you, but I celebrate Chanukah!" Even if you use your cheeriest voice, and your happiest smile. It's great that other people are so excited, and happy at the time, but it can be exhausting to have to be constantly reminded that I am largely forgotten, and when I am remembered, I'm expected to assimilate. Why would I put myself through an extra portion of that?

I don't mind one, or two examples of stories where Jewish people go and participate in Christian holidays, plenty of us do! But it's all the time, in books, tv, movies, comics... I'm exhausted by the premise, and frustrated as the overabundance of that particular story contributes to the broader culture's expectation that I should be willing to be culturally Christian for a night, a week, a month, or more.

-- Dierdra

Like Dierdra, I have largely stopped going to these, but I would reiterate that there are many reasons why people would go. For example, being Orthodox, it’s hard enough not being able to join colleagues for drinks on Friday night or dig in when a manager takes pity on us and orders pizza. I don’t want to be that Jewish girl who never gets involved.

With this in mind, I would avoid using refusal to take part, or even getting annoyed at being forced to take part like with the Santa hat, as the parameters that define your character’s Jewishness. Especially at Christmas, where there’s already the common assumption that only the biggest killjoys refuse to celebrate.

Because of the seasonal aspect, this is one of the few times that I actually would consider Channukah to be one of your best options for introducing Jewish identity. Pre-Covid, I would often bring a dreidel and a box of chocolates to my very non-Jewish office during Channukah, and anyone who wanted could play with me at lunchtime. There’s no reason this couldn’t be taking place at a Christmas party, since it’s a very simple game to learn and most people find it fun the first few times. If you can, try slipping into the dialogue that this isn’t the only holiday the character celebrates though, since we are very tired of seeing that.

If you’re confident in your ability to write microaggressions, you could also create one or two uncomfortable moments for the character, because when people get drunk they often ask really weird questions about your religion and culture. For example, I was once at a work party where someone managed to get out of me (despite my attempts to dodge his invasive questions) that I was Jewish, and he immediately asked me why all the Jews in a particular ultra-Orthodox neighbourhood drove similar cars. The same night, my boss’s boss told me three times that he had loved going to Israel as a kid and thought of it as Christian Disney Land. You don’t have to get into microaggressions if this is just supposed to be a short, festive story, but I think it would feel very real and refreshing for a lot of Jewish people to see those experiences validated.

Other than that, I also like Shira’s suggestion of bringing Jewish food. I’ve turned up to many a ‘winter holiday’ party with latkes, even if I was the only Jewish person there. Covering Christmas day and getting a day back later is also very common, although I agree with Shira this wouldn’t be for observance of Channukah. It would either be a random day in the near future, or saved up for Passover, which is the next holiday requiring time off work.

- Shoshi

#daughterofhecata #asks #jewish #christmas #chanukah #religion #characters

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txbbo · 3 years

Text

I've been debating making this because this is definitely not what my blog is known for and I was worried that people wouldn't want to see it, but with the amount of shit im seeing on twitter it's compelled me to make this because I'm so frustrated.

I feel like I could make 100 posts about 'Cancel Culture' and it wouldn't be enough, so I'm just going to focus on what caused me to write this tonight - the Tommy situation. *Warning for a VERY long post below*

To be clear, Tommy has been in 'hot water' on twitter for the past couple weeks, roughly starting with the KSI collaboration where he made a joke about dream stans.

Last week, when the SBI 'exposing account' got made and twitter hyped it up, someone made a Tommy account and made a thread of things he needed to be '''educated''' on: https://twitter.com/idktommyinnit/status/1379158964148002821?s=20

I'll let you read it for yourself (and come to your own conclusion) but to me.... half of this stuff does not require a twitter thread? Breaking it down accusation by accusation:

1) 'The Mexican accent' - the clips show he is clearly only doing it when copying big Q (who famously exaggerates his own accent) and there is zero malicious intent (Big Q is also IN the 3 clips mentioned in the thread, and obviously didn't tell Tommy it was offensive). There's debates in the comments from people who think it is offensive and people who don't, so I'm not trying to pick a side. To avoid accidentally offending anyone, maybe it is best for him to stop, but the way twitter acts as if he was purposefully doing this to offend people is just not true.

2- 'Making a slave joke' - Even saying that feels wrong, because it suggests Tommy is doing something awful. Instead, they are referring to the 'bit' that Tommy, Techno, Tubbo and Ant were involved in, when Tommy and Techno took Tubbo and Ant as their slave. People are taking this vod and using it to accuse Tommy of being insensitive to Black people, but I think people are just assuming the worst. Slavery existed long before the transatlantic slave trade and still exists today. This is a role-play server - Tommy 'forced' Ant to work for him and used the word slave, which to me is exactly what was happening? People 'murder' others on the SMP, people 'kidnap' on the SMP, people are 'terrorists' on the SMP, and all happen without issue. To add, Ant is a WHITE man. Tommy taking a WHITE man as a slave is not something uber problematic.

3- 'His reply to Techno's 'murder is bad' tweet'. - I get people saying that Techno's initial tweet was insensitive, but saying Tommy's agreement to this from almost over a year ago is something notable and worth addressing is just super nitpicky and is clearly only in there to pad out the thread. It also makes me wonder what other CC's interacted with it and if THEY should be cancelled too (according to twitter).

4 - 'The saying slurs' tweet / jokes about 'whats the worst word you know' - This one I can kinda see how people might not like it. However, it's clearly a 'poke' at his friends, making them seem like bad people. To me, its in the same vein as 'Tubbo is a Tory' or when Tubbo shoots back that 'Tommy is a Nigel Farage fan'. They're obviously not, but its making fun of your friends by saying they are, and mockingly making them out out to be bad people.

5- 'Covid jokes' - People are taking jokes he made about him 'having covid' and saying he shouldn't joke about this, even going as far to linking it to asian hate crimes. I don't even know how to explain that that this is just? not a 'cancellable offence'? I'm sorry but if I hear anyone in my family coughing I make a little joke that 'they better not have covid' and I know other people do. I have someone in my family who is extremely vulnerable to Covid and if they caught it, would quite literally die, but I can understand that jokes like these are harmless. The whole internet had a running joke that we were in a 'panoramic' or 'Panera' or 'insert any word that sounds like pandemic.

This thread got a lot of attention and anything he tweeted afterwards was spammed with the link and there were so many people upset that he hadn't addressed it. I saw so many people say how 'upset' and 'disappointed' they were in him.

Going on to today, this happened: https://twitter.com/khasiid/status/1380611890104139776?s=20

I get it, it looks bad. But for context (which the tweet doesn't give), the reply was only up for less than a minute. It was obvious to me, even BEFORE Tommy addressed it in his stream (clip here: https://twitter.com/cowrpse/status/1380640046202593283?s=20 ) that it was a mistake. In the clip, he clearly acknowledges his mistake and seems embarrassed. To me, this situation should just be laid to rest because a mistake does not need this much attention, but twitter disagrees.

In case it wasn't obvious by now, the tide is turning against Tommy and people are less willing to ignore genuine mistakes and assume the worst.

Today, during his birthday stream people were clearly already waiting for him to mess up. Around half way through, he started saying 'finna' out of context and Tubbo joined in. This led to tons of tweets telling him he was misusing AAVE, and while there were plenty of people willing to be patient and educate, there were also people seeing this as an example of him being a 'bad person' and someone who should be 'without a platform'. I think people forget that not everyone has the same internet upbringing as they do. In general, I think its noted that the misuse of AAVE is something that has just recently been brought to attention. I learned about it through tiktok and stan twitter, and I don't think it's unimaginable that a British 17 year old boy (who is not active on either) has never heard of 'African American Vernacular English'.

Just for a fuller picture, today has also brought about another 'criticism' that I just had to address.

1) 'Tommy made a KKK joke' - Like the 'slavery' point, saying this is extremely misleading. It makes people think the worst. Here's the clip: https://twitter.com/ghostburz/status/1380673589612011522?s=20

Here, Tommy and Tubbo are both joking about Tubbo's 'bit' of naming his alt streams 'aaaaaaaaaa', 'bbbbbbb', 'cccccc', etc and how it would've been bad if it was 'kkkkkkkk' (for obvious reasons). That is literally it. It is a less than 20 second clip. Acknowledging that people woulda thought about the 'KKK' is not him 'not understanding Black issues', its a throwaway joke about the obvious.

Lastly, someone on twitter has made a tommyinnit (address asap) doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tZEZtBzikS-EYYkssfFtwVOoFqOwCK0zhStLe6H1wCc/edit

I've basically already covered everything in this document, but I wanted to mention how extremely 'guilt trippy' the whole thing is. I struggled to come up with the perfect word for the situation, and I am open to hearing other peoples opinion, but as I have mentioned none of these things Tommy has been accused of were done with malicious intent, and some I believe don't even need addressed at all.

'slavery is a source of astronomical trauma for black people, and isn’t something to be taken lightly if you’re to look into the horrors of the slave trade."

and "Oftentimes they are the last words we hear before we die and it really is not Tommy’s place to joke about words that affect us so negatively."

Are extremely emotional words for a 17-year-old boy to hear on his birthday, for stuff that I believe has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.

I really feel bad for him, because such a large proportion of twitter (which ofc is the loudest side of the fanbase) is angry at him and is demanding (as the document says) ''either a stream or twitter thread/twitlonger to addressing this' and 'a long and serious apology instead of a short statement pre-stream'.

We all know how twitter works, and unless his apology is perfect (which to me means apologising for stuff that he should't have to, as explained in the thread), twitter will continue with this weird hyper focus on everything he does, and it's not going to end well.

Twitter's mentality of 'putting everything this person has done that could ever be considered problematic' into one neat little thread is so unhelpful and counter intuitive. I got overwhelmed reading some of the stuff people were saying about him, I can't imagine how he feels.

I feel like I have more to say but at risk of writing an essay longer than my actual work I have to do, I'm going to end here.

#this was incredibly cathartic to write #turns out im not just a c! Tommy apologist LMAO #tommyinnit #dream smp #tommyinnit neg #tommyinnit critical #tommyinnit crit #Tommy crit #Tommy neg #twitter neg #cancel culture #mcyt crit #mcytwt crit

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dvesbackup1 · 3 years

Text

we found love ✧ joel farabee

@butgilinsky i hope u like this!

word count: 2.6k+

joel farabee x f!reader

warnings: alcohol use, fluff, swearing, yet another friends to lovers trope with beezy (sorry)

*covid doesn’t exist in this story*

3 times joel failed to communicate his feelings, and the one time he finally did.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

you were standing at the kitchen island in your shared apartment, turning the pages of a cook book you had yet to put to use. a few feet in front of you, your best friend samara and her boyfriend, nolan, were bundled up on your living room couch. you were happy for her, truly, but you could only take so much of the third-wheeling. you had everything you could possibly need, a roof over your head, a stable friend group, and you were happy. your tried your best not to complain but seeing samara glow in a different way, left you wondering what it was like to be in her position.

one

“nolan said we’re sitting with the other wives and girlfriends tonight.” samara beamed at her phone, as the both of you walked into the arena.

“isn’t it kind of weird for me to sit with them when i’m not dating any of the players?” you played with the hemming of your black sweater, avoiding eye contact with samara because you knew exactly what she was going to say.

“well, you could be, but you and farabee keep beating around the bush.” she stated matter-of-factly, pushing the door open to the private seating area, and greeting the girls already sitting down. this wasn’t necessarily not true, you had feelings for the young player and it wasn’t a secret, at least not to nolan and the wags. but the both of you pretty much made no effort to change that, leaving no room to conclude the obvious feelings that were definitely not one sided.

“mara, i don’t know what to do about that. i’ve tried talking to him and it’s just awkward. maybe we aren’t compatible as people.”

“y/n! that is bullshit, you know it. he’s a blushing mess whenever you’re around. maybe i can get nolan to talk to him?” you rapidly shook your head, envisioning the scenarios of all the what if’s.

before you could protest ryanne interrupted your thought, “there’s a get together this weekend at our house! maybe joel will invite you.”

more girls in the back shared their agreements, and you finally spoke up. “yeah, i mean that’s not an awful idea.”

samara squeezed your hands with excitement, bouncing up and down on her seat. you faked a bright smile, that masked your anxiety, and tried to think out a possible outcome that didn’t end in total failure.

the game flew by quicker than you anticipated, and the flyers took a close victory against the bruins. as all of you made your way down the tunnel, you caught a glimpse of farabee’s exposed chest and sweaty hair. your eyes raked down, watching his chest rise and fall in a more rapid and consistent rate, due to his shift ending not too long before. as your eyes made their way up to his face again, his own brown eyes were level with yours. embarrassment flooded your body, you quickly diverted your eyes over to samara who was no longer where she stood before. “nolan said a lot of people are bringing a plus one to ryanne and claude’s get together.”

“so basically you’re saying you don’t want to take me?” you teased her, a grin spreading across your face.

“no, i am saying joel should take you though.”

“yeah, we’ll see about that.” you stated doubtedly, allowing her to know she shouldn’t get her hopes up.

she rolled her eyes playfully in disagreement, before nudging your arm. “oh! speak of the devil and he shall appear. hey joel!” you flash joel a smile which he reciprocates, and the eye contact lingers for a little longer than it should. sensing the tension, she spoke up again, “well anyways, joel are you bringing anyone to the get together this weekend?”

you look at joel with hopeful eyes, dreading his response. he hesitates before finally responding, “uh no, i’m not going with anyone.” you moved your eyes to samara, with a look of disappointment.

“not going with anyone either.” you finally blurted, definitely not thinking before you spoke. joel opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by kevin pulling him into a celebratory hug.

the cold wind of february chilled your body, as you and samara walked out of the arena. you rubbed your arms for warmth, before opening her passenger door. “please don’t lose hope, i think he’s just shy.” she spoke reassuringly, which she was something she was extremely good at. you and samara were opposites in many aspects which led to a great friendship. she was extroverted and you were introverted. she helped break you out of your shell when you really needed it, which was something your parents had been grateful for. you knew she was trying to be helpful, so you tried your best to give it a chance.

you adjusted yourself in the seat, and began turning on the aux, “i won’t.”

two

you ran your fingers along the seam of your dress that hugged your body, twisting around in front of the mirror to see all angles. samara had informed you almost a few minutes before that this was no longer a get together and more of a party. you were originally going to wear jeans, but after seeing samara completely dressed up, you felt the obligation to do the same. taking one last look at the mirror, you messed with your hair, grabbed a sweater, and pulled the dress down to fit correctly.

“woahh, look at you! forget nolan, we might have to stay in tonight.”

“hey! i’m sitting right here.”

“is joel bringing anyone?” you were almost embarrassed to ask, but you couldn’t help yourself.

“no, he’s not bringing anyone.”

“didn’t joel tell you he wasn’t bringing anyone?” samara’s heels clacked on the wooden floor, as she joined in the conversation.

“yes but-“

“nope, i’m tired of the two of you running in circles. he’s not bringing anyone because he likes you!”

nolan hummed in agreement, making you shoot him a glare.

the sky had completely turned dark. it was well past nine pm and you rested your head on the back seat window. anxiousness swelled in your belly, and nolan’s playlist could be heard in the background. the ride to the giroux’ was faster than you had wished, you reluctantly helped yourself out of the car. you walked silently behind samara and nolan, listening to your shoes scuff the pavement. as nolan opened the front door, welcoming voices were heard from inside.

“i’m so glad you made it! drinks are in the kitchen.” ryanne pulled you into a tight hug and offered you a smile. as if she read your mind she spoke again, “joel’s not here yet.”

a sigh of relief escaped your lips, that received a chuckle from her as well. you made your way over to tk and kevin, who had clearly gotten to the drinks already.

“don’t mind them, already on their bullshit.” karly rolled her eyes from beside you, filling up her wine glass.

the smile on your face quickly dropped as tk and kevin pointed out joel’s entrance.

“beezer, get over here. we’re playing truth or dare.”

“is that really necessary? kevin, aren’t you 30?” you whisper yelled, even though joel was too far away to hear you.

“hey! i’m 28.” he pretended to be hurt, lightly shoving your shoulder.

their obnoxious game of truth or dare went on for about 15 minutes, from asking couples questions that should’ve remained personal, and embarrassing some of their teammates. you were taking your first sip of your wine, when tk finally spoke up. “hey, joel hasn’t gone yet right?”

“oh it’s fine, i’m not playing.”

“aw no i insist. joel, truth or dare?”

he thought for a minute, “alright fine, dare.”

tk and kevin began whispering to eachother, like children telling secrets. your heart was racing as you scanned the room for samara, who was nowhere to be found. a lump formed in your throat, her absence grew to make you slightly uncomfortable. you almost got up to look for her when kevin and tk finally came up with their dare.

“we dare you, to kiss y/n.” travis and kevin drunkenly giggled. you came to the conclusion they most likely knew about the lingering feelings you had for joel. as you pushed your annoyance aside, you tried to remember that they were intoxicated, they weren’t trying to hurt your feelings. your eyes wandered over to joel, who was leaning up against the cold fridge. a smirk was plastered on his face, and he was shaking his head.

“no, i’m not gonna do that.” his eyes glanced up to you, and the smirk fell as soon as he saw your facial expression.

“excuse me, i’m going to find samara.”

three

here you were, standing in the corner of yet another house party, nursing a glass of rum and coke. the warm, tingly feeling had taken over your body, allowing you to finally relax. considering the events of the last party, you needed it. your eyes made their rounds around the room, samara was snug in nolan’s arm, you could hear her laugh over the noise of the party. tk and kevin were drinking, again, and a group of people were playing beer pong. you spotted joel, who looked like he was doing the same thing as you. back pressed up against the wall, taking slow sips of his beer. you gulped, watching him bring his glass to his lips. he looked good to say the least, he was only wearing a tee shirt and jeans, but the backwards hat was getting to you. especially because you were drunk. you almost laughed to yourself, shaking your head lightly and making your way down the hall. making a wrong turn, you quickly tried to remember your way to the bathroom. as you turned the corner, your body was knocked into someone’s broad chest. a cold liquid splashed onto your top, and the scent of beer filled the air. you recognized joel’s shirt that was decorated with a gold chain, before your eyes trailed up to his.

“shit, i’m so sorry.”

“no worries. i should’ve been watching where i was going.”

“here i’ll help you get cleaned up.” joel led you into the restroom which was two doors behind where you originally stood. dumbass, you thought. you sat down on the edge of the tub, taking the towel from him and slowly attempting to clean yourself up. your hands moved slowly from the alcohol in your system.

“here i gotcha.” he knelt in front of you, gently taking the towel and beginning to dry you himself.

“i’m gonna need a new shirt. i smell like beer.” you sighed.

joel laughed, “i don’t have anything with me besides the shirt i have on.”

“well i certainly wouldn’t mind.” your words came out before you could think, they were slightly slurred but not enough for him to not understand you. you cussed at yourself mentally, scanning his face for some sort of reassurance. joel only laughed again, getting a new towel from the cabinet behind him.

as joel cleaned you up, your thoughts became distracted. his touch was soft enough to send shivers down your spine, and fasten your heartbeat. you had only dreamt about the day your would be so close to him. this is how it should be. your feelings for him over the course of the past few months had quickly intensified. you examined the features on his face. from the stubble on his chin, to the curvature of his eyebrows. “you’re really pretty.” you huffed out, not even caring that the alcohol was talking.

“i think that’s as dry as we’re going to get it.” he stood back up and cleared his throat, obviously avoiding your last statement. you mumbled a ‘yeah’, disappointed in his lack of enthusiasm.

“do you need anything before i-“

“no i’m fine. thank you, joel.” you cut him off, feeling the tears swell around your eyes. they had gotten to the point where they were too watered to just flush away, letting them fall down your cheek as you walked into the hallway.

+ one

valentine’s day was a holiday you didn’t care much for. most likely because none of your significant others ever got you something worth remembering. or even bothered to make the day itself worth remembering, nevermind celebrating. you sat in your bedroom, as kali uchis played on your record player. your head swayed to the music, and you turned the page of your book. a soft knock was heard on your door, and samara’s head popped in.

“happy galentine’s, bestie.” she excitedly pulled a box of chocolates and a small teddy bear from behind her back. a card was taped to the bears hands, and a pink ribbon loosely around its neck.

“you’re so sweet, i love you.” you pulled her into a tight hug, swaying her a little before placing your gifts on your bed. “since you’re probably getting something from nolan, i got you something small.” you handed her a pouch of her favorite candy along with a framed polaroid of the two of you at the beach. a big smile was stretched across you and samara’s cheeks, and your arms were thrown around her securely. the both of you reminisced on the memory before hugging once again.

“i’m probably not coming home tonight.” she said, muffled against your hair.

“no need to rub it in.”

“i left dinner in the fridge. all you have to do is heat it up.”

“you’re the best.” you beamed, before she left your bedroom.

you found yourself on the living room couch covered in blankets. a spoonful of ice cream entered your mouth while you rewatched your favorite show. you reached for your phone on the table when a few knocks were heard on the front door to your apartment. your eyebrows furrowed, before opening to door to see joel anxiously standing in front of you with a bouquet of assorted flowers in his hands.

“hey.”

“hi? what are you doing here?” joel was the last person you expected to show up at your door. you hadn’t seen him in a week or so, but after the drunken incident, you definitely didnt expect to hear from him again.

“can i come in?” you ushered him in, and he stood up against the kitchen island. “i just wanted to explain myself.” you didn’t say anything, you raised your eyebrows letting him know to continue. “i’m sorry about the party, both of them. i should’ve just been honest from the start. i’m sorry for not being straight with you. you don’t deserve that.”

you were speechless, thoughts were flowing through your mind but no sentences were forming. you just didn’t know what to make of it. “how did you know i liked roses?” you finally spoke up, taking them from his hands and searching for a vase in the closet.

he sighed in relief and tapped his fingers on the counter, “i asked samara, i figured she would know best.”

“she definitely does.” the both of you stood in silence for a few minutes. exchanging glances here and there. you eyed the flowers that you set in the vase, you couldn’t help but think it was sweet. and the fact he asked samara what kind you liked made you want to throw your arms around him and pepper him in kisses. “thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.”

he stood up and made his way over to you. “look i’ve given you every reason to believe otherwise, but i really like you. and if you’d let me, i’d like to take you out today. i promise it’ll be worth it.” you pondered your reply but soon mumbled your approval, too focused on how close his face was to yours. his arm slipped around your lower back, pulling you into him. “if you don’t mind, i’ll make up for that dare.”

“let me think about it.” a smirk grew amongst his lips as he connected them to yours. butterflies invaded your abdomen instantly, and all you could think was this is how it should be.

#joel farabee imagine #joel farabee #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #happy valentine’s day!!#hope u all have a great day #nhl imagines #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction

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