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creedslove · 1 year

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DESERVE IT - PART THIRTEEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: some insight on your relationship with Javi, where everything is going perfectly, until his secret with Los Pepes is out

Warnings: fluff, but the like the level of fluff is too much it will probably make you OD on fluff, smut (nipple play, fingering, unprotected p in v, creampie), a little bit of dirty talk, mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy talk, a little bit of angst

A/N: besties... Where do I start? I don't even know, I've been writing this chapter for two days and it's made me feel so many things, I was so emotional and so into it, like i felt i was buried deep in the story because more than once I ended up writing my own name when I was talking about reader lmao, this has happened so many times during this story... Anyway, I'll continue my considerations on my second author's note at the end of this chapter so there won't be any spoilers, I just hope you guys enjoy this huge dose of domestic!Javi as much as I did 🩷

• PART ONE TO TWELVE ON MY MASTERLIST

6.3k words (I got carried away, sorry)

You felt yourself waking up slowly at the same time you tried focusing back into your sleep. You didn't want to wake up just yet, the blankets over your body felt so comfortably warm, the mattress underneath giving you the complete relaxation you craved as you buried your face in the pillow and tried returning to the dream you were having.

You didn't remember much about it, but you did remember you were in a big house, you didn't know where exactly, but at the same time everything seemed familiar.

You walked through the hallways of it, taking in all the details that were so different and yet so known to you, picture frames on the wall, that passed by as a blur though you had the feeling you'd seen them many times.

You followed your instincts, going down the hallway and finding the kitchen, immediately a small little girl rushed to you, hugging you as tight as she could and giggled "mommy!!!!" she squealed happily and pointed at the counter, where Javi was standing, placing the dough inside the small, star-shaped baking pans "daddy and I are making cookies!!!" The little girl you quickly learned was none other than your daughter informed you with the happiest smile on earth.

Javi smiled too, leaving the cookies on the counter and walked to you, kissing your lips gently and caressing your stomach, that much to your surprise was round with a baby bump "we missed you and our big boy too" he told you and held your hand, taking it to his mouth and pecking it as well, just as you could see a wedding band around your finger.

Your heart raced and you thought air was lacking from your lungs when you immediately got up and looked around, rubbing your eyes and looking for any traces of the scenario you were just experiencing.

You gasped as it had been such a real dream, but now that you realized you were finally awake, you could tell the images were already fading. Suddenly, the house didn't seem so familiar anymore, you didn't remember any longer what shape the cookies were, and the little girl's face was nothing but a fog, and god, it hurt because she was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. Your heart clenched at the realization she was just a product of your memory and you would never see her again. It was so upsetting to realize that and you wished you had the ability to draw, at least you could maybe try to get a picture of her pretty face. You were clueless to why that particular dream made such an impact on you, distractedly thinking of it as you jumped startled when you felt a hand brushing against your hair.

"You okay cariño?" Javi asked you, staring into your eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as you looked at him with the confused fog of sleep. You then nodded, smiling gently at him

"Yeah, I just had a weird dream, that's all…" you bit your lips and ran your hand through your messy hair before wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. You took a deep breath, inhaling Javi's post shaving cream's scent and closing your eyes at how warm he was against you. It always soothed you to have him so close to you.

Javi on the other hand didn't actually get why you were clinging so tight to him, you were whimpering in your sleep and he worried you were having nightmares about him. He knew how much you've been worrying about him and his connection with Los Pepes now that Pablo's situation was getting unbearable and he felt both guilty and concerned that he was putting you under unnecessary stress.

"It's okay princesa, I'm here… your breakfast is ready" he whispered to you and kissed your neck gently. He smiled at you, loving your sleepy face and cupping your cheek, you laughed softly

"You know what? I was just having a dream about a very domestic Javier Peña and now I wake up to you making me breakfast?" You raised your eyebrow and got off bed, stretching your body and not bothering getting dressed at all.

The way you moved your naked body caught Javier's attention immediately and whatever thought he might have had in his mind just disappeared and everything went blank. He didn't have any other reaction but get up and follow you, his hand on your hips as he tried pulling you to him,

"Don't be a bitch, mi amor, I always make you breakfast" he purred, kissing your shoulder but groaned as you got into the bathroom and locked the door. He sighed and went back to the kitchen table, knowing you would only return after your shower and much to his disappointment, fully clothed.

He poured himself a cup of coffee as he thought of the morning routine the two of you established. You had been officially dating for a little over a month now, after nearly a year of playing a cat and mouse game and Javi would be lying if he said that was the happiest he'd ever been. He just loved to have someone to come back home to, someone he could actually talk to, be affectionate with, someone who understood him and didn't demand things he couldn't give. It was different this time, all the times he'd been in a relationship he was often frustrated, or uncomfortable or feeling suffocated, but now? Javier Peña was a house cat who loved waking up early to make his girlfriend pancakes even if he pretended the pancakes were for him.

He just loved waking up to you all tangled around him, your smell on his sheets, his pillows, your hair all over his face, he didn't care. He liked waking up next to you, he liked seeing you smile at your breakfast plate ready for you, he liked how great you smelled after coming out of your shower, if there was something he didn't like, however, was how you teased him every single morning by leaving bed naked and walking past him, knowing how much he wanted to touch you, but then, you would leave your morning shower and sit right on his lap, and that could lead to many other things.

Even if the two of you would arrive late at work almost on a daily basis, it was still worthy. You hadn't actually announced your relationship to anyone, but people figured it out eventually, the first ones being obviously Connie and Murphy, and you actually liked it, especially after you and Connie started hanging out more when the boys were out at work, and that led the four of you to some double date nights, and it was nice. You liked that coziness of the situation, how the four of you could act like friends and forget about work while sharing a nice meal and some drinks.

And of course, that bitch you called Colleen walked on you and Javi making out during your lunch break and made it public to everyone else. At that point, Pablo Escobar himself probably knew you were banging each other.

What he didn't know - and no one, really did it - was that you and Javi weren't just banging. You were dating, for real, because you two were in love, you were in love for real but it was actually best no one cared for these details, it was none of their business at all, it was the part of your relationship that was only about you and Javi and you two were happy like that.

You finally exited the bathroom, only one of Javi's work shirts over your body. You loved how he eye fucked you whenever you wore any of his clothes.

You pretended you hadn't noticed it and walked to him, ignoring your own chair and sat on his lap

"Buenos días, agent Peña" you said and watched his frown. He wasn't agent Peña to you, he was Javi, your Javi. You pecked his lips and quickly sat straight, pulling your plate of pancakes and dug into it with a big bite.

Javi wasn't a great cook, in fact, he was terrible, but there was something about his morning pancakes you just loved. Nothing tasted better to you than them, just to think he made them for you, it was enough to make you drool for it.

His arms wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder as he sighed "do we really have to go to Murphy's tonight?" He mumbled and nuzzled your neck, making you squirm softly at the sudden shiver

"Yes Javi, I already told Connie we're going, besides, it's lasagna night and you know no one makes that better than I do…" you said and tilted your head to the side, so he could have better access to your neck.

You closed your eyes as his mustache tickled your skin, before his lips got closer and you whimper. Your hand went for the side of his head, fingers tangling into his hair as you pressed him against you a little more.

"Why? You don't wanna go?" You asked feeling suddenly so bothered to be still and moved your hips unconsciously. You felt him shrug against you

"I just wanted to stay with you tonight… but fine" he said in a low voice and then frowned "I can't fucking believe you took the shirt I was going to wear to work today! I gotta see Messina" he said though he felt a pit of guilt at that last part. It was a lie, he wasn't seeing Messina, he was going to see Judy, the head of Los Pepes, but he often hid that from you. He knew it made you anxious and worried, and he didn't want to ruin another day for you. Besides, he was sure nothing bad would happen, he would go over her place, listen to that bitch's claims and return to the office as if nothing had happened.

You chuckled and shrugged "well, your shirt was lying there, and you are shirtless now… I figured if you wanted to wear it, you should have claimed it first" you laughed.

His mind snapped back from the concern about his later meeting and smirked, you were such a little tease.

"Ay princesa, eres tan dulce…" he said as his hands went up and unbuttoned the shirt, one by one, opening them slowly and letting your breasts spill out of it "... Pero también eres mi puta" he whispered against your skin and quickly massaged your breasts. His fingers toyed with your nipples, pinching them gently as his big hand ran it's way down your stomach, obviously finding you completely bare.

"Fuck, Y/N… you didn't even bother putting on clothes… are you trying to kill me? Or is it just your way to beg me to fuck you, cariño? Uh? You like to be such a filthy slut for me, don't you? You like when people call you Javi's puta, don't you?" He whispered into your ear while you only whimpered.

His right hand found your warmth between your legs, cupping it softly, feeling as you parted your legs with no resistance so he could touch you. His left hand ran up again, wrapping around your neck, holding you in a firm grip

"Come on, use your words, I asked you a question.."

"Yes…" you whimpered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I like when people call me your puta, Javi…"

He only groaned into your ear, at the same time his hand sank deeper towards your core, being welcomed by your slippery slit, always so sinfully wet for him. Javi's long fingers parted your lips, the wetness already coating their tips as he moved them up and down, finding your clit and applying pressure to it. He could feel how your ass rubbed against his crotch, his shirt being barely able to cover it for you. His rough jeans burning softly, in a tempting torture, your body responding to his immediately, his touches always descending you to madness at how well he knew you, how well he could manipulate your pleasure. There was never a lover like Javier in your life, and there would be another one. Good thing you didn't plan on leaving him, because if you ever did, you knew you were doomed.

You threw your head back at the same time his fingers went further into your pussy hole, you gushed over his hand, feeling the pleasure build up, he could play you like a fucking doll, no wonder he called you muñequita, you were completely his to be played with and you loved it.

He removed his fingers off you, the disappointed whimper that came out of your lips was a lot louder than you intended, which made him chuckle.

His left hand went for your chin, holding it in place as you obediently opened your mouth to welcome his coated fingers. You sucked on them, licking them clean and watched as Javi finished unbuttoning the shirt, finally revealing your entire naked body "here's what we're gonna do, cariño, you'll be a good girl for me, got it? You'll lift your hips and you'll sit down on me nice and slowly, eating your breakfast while I'm shoved balls deep inside of you, got it amor? You know you can do it, mariposa…" he teased, helping you lift yourself up, waiting as Javi opened his jeans and freed his hard cock. Then, he helped you lower yourself on him, moaning at how your slippery walls clenched around his girth. You, on the other hand, called his name, every time he got inside of you, felt like the first time. You were so drunk in his cock, but it was more than that, you were drunk in love and you couldn't even hide.

You tried moving your hips, but his hands held you in place, not allowing you to make any moves. He meant it when he said you would have your breakfast while he was buried deep inside of you, however, you couldn't bring yourself to actually eat anything, not when you had that aching need of being touched, of bouncing up and down onto his cock, it was too much for you. You asked Javier for mercy, tried to explain how much you needed him, and though he tried not showing how his cock twitched each time you purposely clenched your cunt around him, he wanted you to be a good little puta for him.

Javi handed you some fruit he kept on the table though they were never eaten in the morning, but it didn't matter. He got some grapes, taking one to your mouth, your clit twitched at the same time he gently rubbed it against your lips, before finally allowing you to chew on the sweet grape. Repeating the steps with the remaining others he had in hands.

And only when you were finished with them, Javi's palms went for your hips, gripping them and helping you to move. Now, he was tired of waiting, he was twitching inside of you and he helped you up and down faster and faster, only stopping when you had come for him and he finally spilled his thick load deep inside of you.

You relaxed your back against his chest, feeling tired but happy, also very thankful to remember it was your day off. You had plans of maybe cleaning up the apartment a little bit, as you often spent more time at his place than yours, but after he rocked your little world during the most important meal of the day, you figured it wouldn't hurt to maybe go back to bed and take a quick nap. You just wished you could drag him back with you, you hated to have to say goodbye in the morning like that. Not when you wanted to rest your body against your boyfriend's and fall asleep in his arms.

"You're amazing, princesa" Javi praised you and once more sank his face into the crook of your neck. You still had him inside of you, though you could feel him softening. Javier inhaled your scent again, he never got enough of how good you smelled and if it were up to him, he would spend the rest of his day… no, the rest of his days like that.

And after that feverish, erotic need for each other, he was back to being your sweet Javi. This was another thing you loved about your relationship: the hunger you had for each other wasn't just sexual, though it represented a big part of it, the hunger you felt was physical, emotional and sentimental.

You smiled and turned your head to him, kissing his lips, your heart was nothing but a puddle of love at that moment.

Javi's hands went for your shoulders, sliding down the shirt off your body and helping you get up. As much as he hated it, it was time to go to work, so he had to face his morning torture, which was leave the safehouse you had built together and go outside and face reality. It just didn't feel worse because he knew that at the end of the day, you would be there, waiting for him.

You went to the bedroom and returned fully dressed, this time wearing your own clothes and smiled as he put on the shirt that just a few minutes before was still on your body. Javi could even pretend to be impatient about you stealing his clothes, but the moment he put his shirt on and saw it smelled just like you, he smiled. It was one good thing to get him through the day.

You walked Javi to the door and kissed his lips goodbye, reminding him you loved him and couldn't wait until he was safely back home.

You got under the blankets and sighed happily, thinking of your life and how good things were at that moment. A part of you was still skeptical, not believing things would work out for you and Javi, you sometimes worried he would grow tired of you, maybe he would fall into old habits, the temptation of having to get information from the women he often did, but you immediately shook these thoughts off and reminded yourself that wouldn't happen, because you trusted him, you showed him he was worth of love, he was worth of having a life with, that he was a good man, who deserved a partner to support and love him no matter what, and that man, in return, was at your feet. Connie's words, not yours.

But you felt it, you felt Javi cared about you, you felt he cherished you, he longed for you, you just felt he loved you, and that always made your heart flutter. You were lucky to have each other, no one believed Javier could have a connection with someone like he did with you, maybe, at some point after meeting him, you wouldn't have believed it either, but there you were, being his, just as he was yours.

You took his pillow and sniffed it, loving his to sink deep into his scent and smiled, you thought of the weird dream you had had, recognizing the elements of it, as everyday things you talked about. The place you were was clearly the ranch he lately had been telling you so much about. It was the place he was born and grew up, owned by his dad and some day in the future, it would be his. As far as Javier had told you, his dad didn't have a lot of money, but life was good in the ranch, and after he retired from the DEA, he would be able to provide you in case you didn't want to get a job.

You had jokingly discussed that, like you always did, like the very first time he suggested moving into the ranch and leaving Colombia behind. You sensed there was some truth to his words, but you didn't want to read too much into it, these were huge plans, and you were still pretty recent, even if you were so drunk in love.

He had talked about baby Peña a couple of times too, both times you two ended up laughing, as it was clearly just some amusing daydream, some inside joke that was part of your make-believe future together.

The only time this joke got a little out of hand was about after a month you two made it official and you had to leave your desk several times during the morning to throw up. You just couldn't keep anything inside, and during your lunch break, when you were sat at Javi's desk, sipping some water, looking pale and sweaty, Steve chuckled at the two of you "seems like baby Peña is on its way" he said and made both you and Javier stare at each other in shock and annoyance. You were nearly passing away out of dehydration and he was insinuating you were pregnant. Neither you or Javi said anything, but you could tell the nervousness in his actions. It hadn't even crossed your mind, and probably it hadn't crossed his either, you knew you weren't pregnant, it was just food poisoning, not your first in Colombia and definitely not your last one, but still, it felt like Murphy's comment threw some kind of tension towards the two of you.

That night, after Javi got tired of hearing you throw up to the tenth time, he drove you to the hospital, hating to see you sick. He had to wait by the reception and when you exited the doctor's office with a prescription, he raised his eyebrow.

"So… baby Peña?"

"Baby Peña happens to be last night's fish you insisted on having for lunch" you told him, showing him the prescription to the few meds the doctor recommended you.

The two of you laughed together, deep inside, you knew a baby wasn't exactly a possibility. Well, technically, it was. You were on birth control, but contraception could fail like anything else in the world, but at that moment it just felt like it wasn't a possibility, you two weren't there yet, you hadn't even discussed the possibility of getting there, but it didn't matter anymore, it had just been a misunderstanding.

Javier stared into your eyes for a while, he opened his mouth ready to say something, but he quickly changed his mind. He wanted to have said he would be by your side if you were actually pregnant, he wanted to have told you he would take care of you and your baby, but instead, he just rolled his eyes

"Steve's really a dick"

So that was why your dream puzzled you, even if the baby talk was present in your life, a baby was just a blurry idea, but seeing an actual child, a little girl and feeling her wrapping her little arms around you and calling you mommy, brought a warmth to your heart you just couldn't explain. It felt so honest, so beautiful and so pure. You figured it wouldn't hurt to just dream of it, no one needed to know about it, not even Javi, not now, it wasn't the right time.

You shot your eyes open when you were hit by the sudden realization of where you'd seen the pictures that appeared in your dream. If you remembered correctly, they were scattered on the walls of the hallway you walked through and you knew you had seen them before. They were all pictures of Javier's family. You knew he kept them in a box somewhere in his wardrobe, you'd seen them briefly when he was looking for some extra ammo for his gun but couldn't find exactly where they were. He didn't exactly show you the pictures but he didn't hide them either and a suffocating feeling of curiosity began growing in your chest. What if you got the box and watched the pictures? He wouldn't get upset, would he? Well, for starters, you didn't even need to tell him you went snooping through his stuff.

Sure, they were personal stuff and you would probably be upset if he did the same to you, but it was not like you were trying to find something to frame on him, or steal anything, you wanted to take a look at the pictures and that was all. After all, it was just a weird coincidence they happened to randomly appear in your dream.

You decided to just go for it, it wouldn't be too big of a deal, you would leave everything organized afterwards so if Javi needed to check anything there, he wouldn't even notice.

You got off bed, folding the blankets and leaving everything organized, just like you and your boyfriend liked it.

Boyfriend.

It still made you chuckle at times.

You didn't take much longer to find the box Javi kept his personal things, it was just in the bottom of the wardrobe, under a couple of folded bedspreads Javier had but usually never used. It wasn't a big box, but it was heavy and you would be lying if you said you weren't excited and curious to dig into Javier's memory box. Sitting comfortably on the floor, you crossed your legs and removed the lid, taking a peek inside and saw the many pictures you recognized from your dream.

You carefully took them and watched them, taking your time as you were so entertained by it. There were pictures of his father at his young age, his mom, whom he never spoke a lot about, but when he did, it was always with so much love and admiration. She was truly beautiful and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Javier had taken his mother's eyes.

A picture of them on their wedding day, another one where his dad had his hand around his wife's pregnant bump. And the next picture made you squeal out loud, you gushed and couldn't help but acting like a silly little girl when you saw a picture of baby Javier Peña. It was the original, naked bum, baby Peña! You thought you would die of love at the picture of Javi as a baby, he was so adorable and yes, he's always had the stray puppy's eyes. You were loving each passing second of that activity. You went through all the pictures of Javier's childhood, he was such a cute boy, his hair was a lot lighter back then, and his smile was always bright, funny to think he would become a grumpy DEA agent just a few decades later.

You saw some other pictures of his extended family and another one of his group of friends. You could tell it was his friend group from highschool, mostly because he had his arm wrapped around the waist of a blond beauty. You rolled your eyes at the realization it was Lorraine, probably from the time they still dated. You knew it was kind of stupid, but you still felt a sting of jealousy. You hadn't even met her, and if you did, you would probably sympathize with her, you two had been through very similar things in life and Javier had broken her heart in a horrible way. Even if he had apologized to her, after all the years, it was still a real bad situation. If you ever met her, chances were she would hate him for having Javier and not the other way around. Besides, Javi had left her at the altar, if he ever regretted breaking things up, he could have gone after her, but he didn't, he was with you, he just kept a picture of his friends, it wasn't like he kept a picture of his ex and himself.

You felt a little shy for being jealous for a moment as you put the photographs back in place when your hand accidentally hit a smaller box. You frowned curiously and took it realizing it was a jewelry box. You opened it and found a beautiful ring inside, the one you immediately recognized it as his mother's ring.

You knew he had inherited the ring so one day he would give it to the woman he loved and had plans to spend his life with. No wonder Lorraine got the ring when they got engaged, you remembered when Javi had a few drinks one night and told you between laughter she got so pissed off she refused to return him his mother's ring, and the only reason they managed to recover it was because Chucho had to personally go to her house and have an honest chat with her dad, who then, made her return the ring.

You didn't know Chucho trusted his son with the ring again and you didn't know he had brought it to Colombia.

Then suddenly, a thought occurred to you. Would you ever get his mother's ring?

You didn't know, but it was time you stopped snooping around his things, so you took one last time at the beautiful golden band, adorned with a gorgeou red gem. It was simple, but so heartfelt. You smiled at yourself and placed everything back into place.

•••

"Fuck this, I'm out!" Javier said angrily as he stared at Judy's cynical face. He was done working with those people, they were as bad as Pablo Escobar. They were a cartel, who brought as many problems as Escobar did, just because their power wasn't as extent as their common enemy, they were still criminals. They were a cartel, they produced, sold and profited from drugs, they killed people everyday, good and bad people and they only acted upon Pablo, because they wanted to take his place in the drug cartel chain. When you use a plague to exterminate another one, it doesn't mean they aren't plagues anymore.

Judy on the other hand just laughed as she nodded at her sicario, who immediately grabbed Javier and shoved it against the couch

"I think it's too late for that, what would people say if they knew a DEA agent had an agreement with Los Pepes? Do you think the american press would be pleased?" She asked calmly taking a sip of her drink and watching as Javier stared at her.

"Besides, we know you have a girlfriend, you make a cute couple, I'm sure you as an agent would do whatever it takes you to protect her, wouldn't you? Of course, Los Pepes would never do anything to her, but we can't assure Pablo's sicarios wouldn't… you know what I mean, Mr.Peña?"

Javi went pale at the mention of you, which didn't go unnoticed by Judy who chuckled and shook her head "I'm just joking, agent Peña, you know how family is important to me, and I would never risk anyone who matters to my alleys… as long as they remain my alleys" she said.

Javier understood it perfectly and calmed down, nodding at her as they continued their meeting. He wanted to grab his gun and shoot her in the face, he figured he would be able to take down the men in the room but then, it would only take the men who stood outside maybe thirty second or less before they could burst in and shoot him to death.

It wasn't worthy, he wanted to go home at night, he wanted to go home to you. He wanted to leave that place, go back home, find you and forget about the world, about everything else. He wanted to keep you safe, he wanted to hop on a plane with you, take you to Laredo and initiate his retiring plan, but he couldn't. He was too deep in it and could only hope Judy kept her mouth shut until they captured Escobar and Javi could find something else to do with his life.

He was just worn out, stress pouring through every single pore of his body and he just needed to get home to you, he needed you. Javi knew that was probably not healthy, not once in his life he had such a deep need for a woman, but he wasn't in the mood to fight that off. He groaned as he remembered you would have dinner at Steve's, checking his watch and seeing you were probably there yet, but at least that'd give him time to shower, cool down and try to get Judy and her threats out of his mind.

He walked into his building and distractedly looked for his keys in his jacket pocket. He knew they had to be there, but for whatever reason he was taking long to find them, he didn't see when Steve approached him and only felt when the other agent shoved him against the wall. Javier frowned pissed off and his first reaction was to fight back, even if it was his friend, he didn't hesitate before backhanding Steve just as hard "what the fuck man?" He groaned at the other agent.

"I should be the one asking you, Javi. What the actual fuck? You had a meeting with Judy Moncada?"

Steve saw the way Javi widened his eyes at his words and couldn't help but laugh at how stupid he looked

"You really thought you would be working with Los Pepes and no one would find out? You thought I wouldn't find out?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for Javier to get his key, so they could talk inside.

Steve sat through the whole explanation Javier gave him. It didn't matter if it made sense or if he seemed to be right at some level, he didn't agree with that. They'd been discussing the actions of the death squad through their latest meetings with the CIA and some people insisted the problem was getting bigger and bigger. He could tell Javi was in deep shit, the kind of shit he couldn't just break free, because if Los Pepes didn't try to kill him and that was a long shot, he would certainly face legal actions from the US government.

"What about Y/N? Does she know?" Steve asked and couldn't help but feel disappointed as his partner nodded, confirming the information "I bet she's fucking proud of you, Peña" he groaned, but Javier immediately frowned.

"You can bet your ass she's prouder of me than Connie is of you, at least Y/N doesn't run away when shit gets worse" he spat completely in the defensive and though Murphy's blood boiled, he knew it was a stupid idea to bring the misses into the fight. Both you and Connie were not to blame if both of them were a mess.

"You know, the girls are upstairs now, they're probably laughing as they share a bottle of wine and talking about our dicks or the fact we are both morons…" Steve said "just let's have dinner with them and pretend nothing happened and we deal with that in the morning" Steve sighed and stared at his partner until Javier nodded in agreement.

When you saw Steve entering the apartment alone, you frowned softly "where's Javi?" You tilted your head, curious to know why he wasn't there yet, and not hiding how eager you were to see him.

"He's showering, he should be here soon" he simply said and pecked Connie's lips.

You could tell something was bothering Murphy, but you didn't actually think it was your place to worry about that at all. Instead, you finished assembling the final layers of the lasagna before putting it in the oven.

Another ten minutes passed, before Javi finally walked through the door. He had just got off shower, you could tell by the way his hair was still humid. He glanced at Steve with certain anger, and you were sure something went on between them, bur before you could actually worry about it, Javier's arms immediately snaked around your waist, he placed a kiss to your neck, as you had your back to him, while you washed some dishes in the sink.

"I missed you princesa" he whispered against your ear and made your heart turn into a puddle of love. You had been away from him less than twenty four hours and yet, it felt too long.

You turned around and smiled big, the same smile that made Javier's poor heart skip a beat. Kissing him immediately as you wrapped your arms around his neck. If it were up to you, you would have just ditched dinner and went back to your place, or his place, or even his Jeep, you didn't care, so you could be just the two of you together.

But Olivia's soft tugs on your pants made you break the kiss. You looked down at her and chuckled as she extended her little arms to you so you gladly picked her up, nuzzling her cheek and making her giggle. She looked at Javier curiously and gripped his hand tight.

"See princess? That's uncle Javi!! Do you like him? He's handsome isn't he?" You cooed at her, who gave you both a sweet smile and continued holding his hand with her tiny one.

At that moment, nothing in the world disturbed Javier, no cartels, no violence, no uncertain future in your job due to his poor decisions, because all he could think of when he saw you holding that little princess in your arms, was the only thing he was sure, the only thing he was proud of and the only part of the future he knew it was certain: his future with you and the family you two you build together.

_____

A/N: okay besties, so I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because I honestly loved it! It was one of the chapters it felt like I was under a spell, everything was just flowing and I was so into the story, like my heart was melting and beating so fast just to imagine the scenes, it was like I could watch them before my eyes, I don't know how to explain but it felt special to me. I was also really dying for some domestic javi but i wasn't sure I was going to be able to write it, and then suddenly it all came to me. I just love how in love Javi is with reader, it soothes my heart. I like to see the strong bond they have and i just wish javier peña was real 😭 also, smut wasn't planned for this part at all, but it just felt so right, so erotic and so beautiful I had to add it to the story. I hope you all liked it and pls let me know what you besties think 🩷 💬

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 1 year

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Okay but the kiss prompts have me imagining a combo where one person is “maybe in another life” because they can’t hold back any longer but they don’t expect it to be reciprocal, and the other person is like “just fuck me already.”

I can definitely see it with Nathan!

Kiss Prompts!

Yooou got it!

It's not a decision that you've come to lightly. You love BlueBook—it was your first job just out of college, and has been an informative and rewarding workplace. You've gained a lot of experience; you've grown as a person; you've harbored a near-debilitating crush on your boss.

You're pretty sure you've hidden it well from Nathan. He's incredibly smart, very insightful, but he's never given you a second look—or even an inkling that he's known how you feel. You're certain that if he knew, he'd be a damnable tease about it.

Nathan just doesn't have it in himself to not be mean.

Take your resignation, for example. When you'd told him that you'd be leaving BlueBook, he'd grimaced for a half-second before brightening and smiling, teasing, "About fucking time—I've been dying to get rid of you. Whose processes are you going to slow down? Should've told me you were looking for a new place. I might've recommended who I wanted you to fuck over for me first."

You hadn't taken it personally. At least, you'd tried not to. You were certain he was just fucking with you.

Your suspicions are confirmed when you come into work on your last day to find a large floral arrangement sitting on your desk. You don't have time to ask who they're from before you hear the pop of a champagne bottle. You whirl around, spotting Nathan sitting on the couch in the far corner of your office.

"Nathan!" You practically screech. "It's nine in the morning!"

"It's 9:06," He corrects as he leans toward the coffee table where two champagne flutes are waiting. "Last day and you're fucking late."

"What are you gonna do, fire me?"

"Alright, smartass," Nathan chuckles. You shrug your bag off, taking a moment to admire the floral arrangement before you walk over to Nathan.

"Could've dressed more casually," He comments, openly looking over your body. "Been comfortable on your last day."

"I'm comfortable now." You lower yourself onto the couch beside Nathan, taking hold of one of the filled champagne flutes. "Did you just happen to be in town?"

"I'm here because one of my legacy engineers is leaving. Don't get a big head about it."

"Too late. My head's so big they're gonna have to take out a window to get me out of here."

Nathan chuckles, lightly knocking your glass against yours before you each take a sip. You lean back on your couch, nodding toward the flowers.

"You choose those?"

"I do my homework."

"I assume you went through my search history. That's practically cheating."

"You still have that rom-com bullshit idea of what's meaningful."

"I'm not saying they're not meaningful, I appreciate them. But it's not like you had to do any work, tease any information out of me."

"I don't have time to tease anything out of anybody, and I don't need to. That's a privilege of being me."

You snort, raising your glass and taking another swig before you slap his thigh. "Okay. Do whatever you're gonna do; I have shit to wrap up."

"Do it later."

"I'll do it now," You insist, pushing yourself off of the couch. "You're not my boss anymore."

You freeze as his fingers hook in the band of your pants.

"I'm your boss for the next eight hours. Sit down."

You hesitate, a thrill shuddering through you before you settle back down beside him.

"You'll have to turn in my shit if I'm late about it," You warn as Nathan removes his hand. You watch as he picks up the bottle and tops off your glass.

"I'll take care of it."

Your face warms, but you force yourself to roll your eyes.

"You're ridiculous. I hope you know that."

"That how you described me in your job interview?"

"What makes you think I described you?"

"They didn't ask why you're leaving your current position?"

"They did."

"So what'd you tell them?"

"That I felt like I'd reached my peak at this position and had more growing to do that I couldn't do here."

"Is that true?"

You hesitate, looking down into your glass.

"...A little."

"What about it isn't?"

Your mouth works worlessly for a moment before you sigh, shaking your head.

"I've been here a long time, Nathan."

"So have I."

"That's different. This is your baby—and I'm glad to have been in a part of it, but...But I need a change."

Nathan doesn't answer you for a long, testy moment. Then, he lightly clinks his glass against yours. You turn your head, watching him drain the glass before he clears his throat, setting the glass down.

"We're going to dinner tonight."

"Are we?" You laugh. "Since when?"

"Since I said we are. Go do what you need to do."

It's blunt, magnanimous—and impulsive in a way that you've never known Nathan to be.

"You turned in your laptop?"

"Yes."

"Work phone?"

"Of course," You scoff, "At 5 pm precisely. You're not getting me for unreturned tech. I'm not getting into a damn NDA breach. I'd be broke in a month if I had to deal with a lawsuit."

"A month? The hell have you been spending that six-figure salary of yours on? Strippers? Coke?"

"Rent and groceries." You look up from your desk, smiling as you find Nathan watching you. "Where are we going for dinner?"

"You tell me," He shrugs.

"I haven't really thought about it. I've been busy."

You plant your hands on your desk, biting your lip as you consider.

"Takeout? My place?" You offer.

"Perfect."

You can't stop looking at the flowers on your counter. They distract you every few moments, throughout dinner. You can't believe Nathan even bothered to check after your favorites—that he even bothered to come to see you out on your last day.

The thought warms you as you trail Nathan to the door that night, as you thank him again for all of his encouragement and expertise—

"Cut it out," He scoffs boredly, "You're going to make me cry."

"Oh, fuck off."

"That's more like it."

You shake your head, leaning in the doorway as Nathan stops just outside, turning to look at you.

"...I'd say I'll see you around, but you're so fucking reclusive, I'll probably never see you again." You try not to sound upset about it, even as you curl your arms across your chest.

It doesn't help this his agreement of, "Probably," Chases your comment.

"Well...Bye, then," You offer lamely. Nathan chuckles, stepping in with a murmur of, "Come on."

He doesn't have to do much urging, but you straighten up, leaning into the hug he gives. You curl your arms around his shoulders, smiling and pressing your face into his neck. He holds you closer than you expect, longer than you thought he would. You lean away finally, taking in his gaze.

You may as well take a chance.

Hell, you're never gonna see him again.

You just manage to lean in, to gently peck his lips. You're ready to draw back, to let him go, really let him go—

And then Nathan's hand curls around your nape, drawing you in. Your eyes widen in surprise, unable to help a slight, surprised hum as you return the kiss. Yo think it'll end there, but Nathan chases you with another kiss. His hands land on your hips, steering you back inside, and you squeak as you hear the door shut behind him.

"Nathan," You breathe, "What are you—I didn't think—"

"You usually don't."

"Fuck you—" You gasp as Nathan's hands slip down, smoothing over your suit pants and giving your ass a squeeze as he levels you with a lascivious grin.

"That's the idea."

#Nathan Bateman x Reader #Nathan Bateman x You #Nathan Bateman/Reader #Nathan Bateman/You #Nathan Bateman fic #Nathan Bateman imagine #asks #replies #anon #prompts

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sys-confessions · 1 month

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We have a violent alter and I (host) decided to talk to our therapist about him and she said to ignore him so I did for a while. I felt bad though and it didn’t stop the violent thoughts. I don’t know what to do because I know he’s just hurt and maybe even scared and it causes him to lash out but it also scares me that one day we won’t be able to stop him from doing something violent. To make matters worse he’s an introject (a fictive to be exact) and he’s stuck in the mindset he had in his source. He scares everyone including my boyfriend. If you have any advice I would appreciate it but if not that’s fine too. Just needed to get it out.

Hi anon! We definitely have some advice, though keep in mind that things might work very differently in your system compared to ours. I (host) will be answering you, as I coincidentally hold the charge to care for our "scary" persecutors, but also our littles (this will come up later).

This gets pretty long though, so I'll put everything under the cut.

First and foremost, I don't think ignoring your alter is a very good idea. I don't think it would lead to anything dangerous, but rather that it might simply be easier to acknowledge him than not.

You're already aware that he's scared and hurt, so that's a very good starting point. Having empathy for him is the most important thing right now, even if he might not respond to it in kind. Do not take it personally if he is mean or agressive to you, it's simply what he thinks will keep him safest.

Some of the best work we've had with persecutors stemmed from telling them that we would be there for them no matter what. They can scream, try to scare us off, or even threaten us, but at the end of the day, we will always be there for them. Partially because we're stuck in the same brain, to be honest. You don't really have a choice but to work together.

It might also be useful to analyze why he formed in the first place. What was your system feeling at the time and why did your brain believe that this alter could help/fit. This could give you a lot of insight as to how to care for them.

Now, why I spoke about my role as a caregiver for littles : simply put, caring for our "scary" persecutors is the same thing. Think of the way you might approach a child who is having big feelings (be it anxiety, sadness or anger). They're not equipped with how to deal with them properly just yet, they haven't had the time or experience to do so. Persecutors who lash out tend to have some very similar going on.

It's about being drowned in those feelings, not knowing how to deal with them, and thinking that becoming the thing that scares them most will give them control back. This can take many forms, and there's probably a better way to formulate this entire thing, but at the crux of it, it's what we've seen times and times again.

You have to meet them where they're at. It might get ugly, you might be hurt and then decide it's not worth the hard work. But I promise, it is. Some of our best protectors used to be "scary" persecutors. They used to scare me to the point that I did not even want to go in our headspace, but nowadays they're my best friends.

#system confession #cdd system #osddid #did osdd #traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #osdd system #anti endo #endo dni

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prototypelq · 20 days

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Pan thoughts because I am normal TM about him:

- Unless Grace shows her interest in him (aka romance route / Let's Dance), Pan is almost absent from the story.

He only appears twice - in the beginning, and at the end for the trial - cause that's a formal procedure all gods have to be present for. There are four optional encounters: if you come meet him before the Reliquary, he'll ask to complete a favour for Asterion, another encounter is handing in that the favour, Medusa encounter, plus the final meeting before the trial. Freddie is present with Grace for the most of the game, Apollo - has at least 6 encounters, even if you don't play the game with him (apartment, Underworld, Aphrodite's Party, Hades, Trial), Persephone - 3 encounters (Underworld, Hades, Trial). Back to Pan - none of the gods really speak about him. Except Persephone and Apollo, who are trying to both dismiss and point fingers at him at the beginning. After that, none of the gods ever mentions Pan again.

It's almost like he is very much an outsider among the pantheon, probably right until he needs a favour, or somebody needs his favours.

- It's kind of logical that Pan is the outsider in the pantheon, if you think about it thematically. All the other gods have clear niches they control and keep in order. Nature is anything But order, in fact, if nature is anything - it finds order only in constant struggle or the constant redefining of scale, in Change. So yeah, a god of Dis-order could very much be antithetical to other gods of Order. If Calliope was looking to shake things up, then he would certainly be one of her first choices for allies in her quest.

- This makes it easy to understand how exactly Pan got tangled up in the whole mess. He span his web of favours, which were all small little things (probably), but it caught a prey so big Pan was stunned so hard, his agency basically went out the window, until the case was closed.

- Okay, now for the particular lines in different versions of I Can Teach You (aka Lost Girls, Time To Shine and Morning Fades), if, For Some Reason you haven't finished the game yet - please do. It's short and definitely worth your time, cause it's amazing. also I really need to talk about this so Big Tangent Ahead

I'll do these song by song.

Morning Fades - It's in the name of the song - Pan is... pretty much the only god who reminds Grace she is or a strict timer. Every other god, by some reason or another - drags her into their own problems, which she helps to solve, and only after that can she make progress in the case. You know. While being sentenced to death in a week. Grace has to solve the problems these gods have been brewing in for, at least, decades AND prove her innocence, so her sentence to death can be prevented. Pan is the only one, who reminds Grace, multiple times, that 'Time's a wasting', she needs to hurry, and doesn't take any more of her time than he should.

Morning fades and the day wastes away, Grace You can't wait, Grace, don't delay

Another line, that gives us a very clear insight into Pan is this line right here:

This Freddie is a friend you can use, but this isn't playtime Time to choose

You get this line only in the purest form of Morning Fades (aka all blue), in which Pan leads unsure Grace along through the song, but Freddie is ignored and she does a final solo to try to get through to Grace. Pan sings those lines with remorse, he values the devotion Freddie demonstrates, even if he did call her Lost Girl a few times throughout the song. But despite his own lines - previously they were Time To Play, now that time is over, cause the song is over. This is the time to solve murder of a goddess, and while Pan does not like dividing the girls, he sees there is no place for Freddie in this adventure, and thinks that it would be too dangerous for her.

There will be more evidence of Pan's personal motivation later, I have only just remembered the Green version of Morning Fades, and it's very interesting. This is the song where Grace tries to follow Pan's advice and direction in her first steps, then gets carried away by the song and her bestie into their own fun musical, all while ignoring Pan.

You think you don't need me, just cause' you can't read me

This line is quite straightforward - Pan knows he is acting shady, but reinforces that his intentions are genuine, if only the girls could see through their first impression of him.

Time To Shine - now, this version is interesting, cause here we have Grace who is rebelling against every possible notion of control, or even help, and Pan loves this song anyway. This song proves that Pan was honestly just trying to help (and quieten the misguided guilt he feels), so as long as Grace can use her power and has a mind sharp enough to find the proof the needs - he is satisfied. And he really is! It's clear from the get-go that Grace is independent, clever and fiery enough to handle everything herself, so he rolls along with her, confident in her abilities.

Actually, in this version he is quieter than normal - he throws a line about Freddie, but otherwise between the first Time to Shine and the star scene chorus he keeps silent - Grace wants spotlight, so he steps aside to hear her out.

Yes! This is your time! Time to shine!

It's also fun that, in his first verse he always Grace to hurry up, here instead he is getting so excited about her number that he throws in

Yes, a solo! Go for it, we got time! (solo) Grace, you're starting to comprehend Let me show you more, or show me the door!

He sings that line very excitedly, which is very silly and fun xD. It is to be expected then, that Pan joins in Grace's final Time To Shine chorus almost instantly.

Lost Girls - this song is very interesting, cause in this version the girls are pretty much dismissing Pan completely, and fully give into the song, they get carried away to have their own fun musical number. This time Pan has to ground them back into reality - in other versions he gets excited over the number, well, not in this one. This Pan is grumpy - his advice is being dismissed, he is not taken seriously, and he cannot fully deliver the message he wants to convey, or the lesson he wants Grace to learn.

Grace: Lost girls, lost girls, you all love your lost girls, A rescue that you can take home Pan: I won't say you need saving, you're not drowning, you're waving

In this first Lost Girls verse he is still being playful, but even in the beginning he has to placate with both hands that he is not a danger and only wants to help. But if Grace keeps ignoring Pan's advice, he starts to get more serious.

You're lucky I got to you There's people who'll come for you I'm hurt you're making so much ado You're lost and I'm trying to help!

Okay so, knowing the events of the game, I can't be the only one thinking of Aphrodite here, right? That's my best guess as to what Pan is referring. The girls keep on getting carried away, and he has to just straight-up state he only wants to help.

Interesting, that even after being ignored and rightfully grumpy about that, Pan is still willing to join into the trio singing together. He's also delighted by that solo is particular xD

I never knew I had that in me!

Even after half a song, Freddie still keeps freaking out about the whole 'musical' thing, and to that Pan says, with a literal facepalm:

You don't understand Nothing for Grace will ever be the same!

If Grace goes for the full song here and green ending, then Grace and Eddie happily continue singing their troubles away, and at this, Pan really gets frustrated. So much so, that he goes plainspeak, even though the Green Lost Girls solo seems to be his favourite moment in any variation of I Can Teach you.

Really? Now you're just being silly Maybe the Muse isn't feeling the gravity? Or do you refuse and, like ostriches, happily stick your heads in the sand? Grace, I could be your right hand Freddie, you'd better leave her alone Let me do what I do, or she'll sink like a stone

The way Pan keeps on insisting so hard that Grace needs someone's guidance has me thinking that either there have been accidents with new idols, who were unable to control their powers properly before, or maybe it was his own personal struggle with control over the abilities, and he was wishing hard for someone's help at the time.

It's also weird that he keeps on pressing that Grace needs assistance here, even after she has choreographed an entire musical number right before his very eyes, all without a hitch, and she is clearly a natural. For some reason the way Grace and Freddie get so much carried away scares him particularly? Then again, in the Time to Shine versions Pan is perfectly fine with letting Grace do whatever she wants, because she demonstrated skill and independence. In this version, she demonstrates the same things, but uses them to have a song with her bestie, and This triggers Pan for a reason. Interesting.

Kind of a similar situation happens with Green version of Morning Fades, actually. The end of the song has Pan start the usual Morning Fades chorus, but then the girls come in and literally steal the spotlight from him, and this forces Pan into plainspeak.

Pan: You think I'm the danger? You have no idea. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to hide, But do we make merry or should you get ready? Finally grow up and take it outside. Grace: So wait, are you saying you won't work with Freddie? Pan: She couldn't be less qualified

A stark contrast to the original full-blue Morning Fades, where Pan regrets dividing the girls, isn't it.

So Pan has mentally allowed a very specific fun-zone, meaning this one musical number, which he is happy and excited to engage in, but he won't let the girls get carried away with their fun forever, and tries very hard to ground them back if they do.

#thank you for reading this #this has been sponsored by pan being pan #meaning utterly irresistible and insanely adorable #'no shining knight here im only here for the dance' (can you hear me crying)#what is that if not a proposal and Grace Accepts okay i cant have it any other way #but not before 1000000000 self-worth and therapy sessions okay pan my dear you can't call yourself tumor without repercussions #sorry not sorry for going crazy because of a fictional man #it will happen again #stray gods #stray gods pan #stray gods the roleplaying musical

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hetaologist · 2 months

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Waking Up in Las Vegas Pt. 1 (APH America x Fem! Reader)

Rating: SFW

Synopsis: You are a news reporter sent to Las Vegas to cover a story in the big city by your boss. America has been a secret long-term fan of your blogs until that one day you posted that juicy story about him ...

"Man, that was...quite the flight..." You said to yourself once you got out of the airplane. You walk through the gates and stop by baggage claim for your suitcase.

"HEY DUDE! Never thought I would find you here!" America yells from across the terminal. He was wearing a tie-dye red, white, and blue t-shirt, gray sweatpants, and his iconic pair of Crocs.

"Wait...are you...The United States of America?!" You questioned him. It was kinda of a surprise to see him there.

"Yes ma'am, that would be me~☆." He said while flashing his million dollar smile.

"Well...my god. Wha- how do you even know me in the first place?"

"Come on Dude, you're that reporter who runs a popular blog for that big news site, 'The Hawkeyes' !"

"I'm just surprised to see you here. Did you know I was coming to Las Vegas?" You were curious as to how America knew you were stationed in Vegas. That's when his face gets all peachy and sweaty.

"Oh!? Well...it's just a simple coincidence. Yeah, that's all~!" He said while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Really? Are you sure you're not stalking me?" As a slight smirk grows on your face.

"WAI- WHAT?! Dude, I TOTALLY wouldn't do that! That's like totally weird and creepy." He huffs and folds his arms. "Anyways...since we just so happen to be here at the same time and NOT because I was watching your social media or whatever, I wanted to talk to you about your recent report."

"Oh? Is that so, Mr. America? Which one do you want to talk about?"

"Hmph, how about I treat you to lunch first? Since there's a lot I want to say."

You think about it for a good minute. This discussion could add some valuable insight to your report. "Sure, I have plenty of time."

"Great! I'll take you to my favorite spot in this airport~!" America beamed.

He takes you over to a 1950's styled diner at the food court. "This place got some wicked burgers man." He sits you down at a booth and he sits right in front of you. The waitress comes by, hands both of you a menu, and takes your drink orders. Then America crosses his arms with a slight grin on his face. "So....Ms. Y/N, your report about me last week...."

"What about it, America?"

He takes a deep breath, "So, it seems like you have some...theories about me..."

The waitress hands us our drinks and takes our order. "Theories?" You smirked.

"Oh ho ho~! Don't play dumb with me Ms. Y/N. You posted about my "alleged" criminal track record online. You have theories linking me to these unsolved crimes. That's quite bold of you..." He says in a low-toned voice.

You started to feel the heat but kept your cool. "Hmm, what's wrong with that? I can write about whatever I want. After all, freedom of press~."

"True. However, not if it damages an innocent person's life. That my dear, is a suable offence." America says before drinking his super thick and rich cookies and cream milkshake.

That's when you could feel the heat rise above your neck and pool into your face. "I have proof..."

"Proof? I highly doubt that. You have no concrete proof of me committing these crimes, or any crime as a matter of fact." He leans back in his chair while placing his feet on the booth next to you.

"Hmm, so since we are here, let's clear things up. Shall we?" Your gaze pierces into his eyes.

He chuckled with delight. "Ah~, and if you find out that it's not true, you'll take down that post and post an apology. Deal?"

"Hmm...deal." You reached out your hand and shook hands with him.

The waitress quickly comes by with your food and America immediately picks up his big ass hamburger and takes a bite of it.

"So, Mr. Stars and Stripes...where do you want to start?"

With his mouth still full and chewing, he replies "Hmm... let's talk...about the...theory of...that LA highspeed...chase that...happened three...weeks ago..." He takes a big gulp of his milkshake.

#hetalia #aph america #hetalia america #hetalia fanfiction

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dameronology · 2 years

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angst prompt #3 with eddie please i am begging on my knees i will give you my first born

of course of course

eddie munson + ""i said i needed space! this is not space!"

You didn't like being away from Eddie.

Even more than that, you hated fighting with him.

Sometimes though, it was inevitable. Eddie went into every thing headfirst, with the assumed bravery of his Dungeons & Dragons alter-ego but very much with the common sense of his real world self. It was just that it was not much common sense; in fact, you weren't sure he had any at all. For a man who was oddly insightful at times, he could also be so fucking stupid. Saying and doing things that lacked any explanation - almost as though he had meant to say that one very specific thing to piss you off.

So...space. You'd asked for space after a big fight. There had been yelling and shouting and Eddie's trademark over-dramatically flailing arms. Most the time you loved how he put his all into everything, but being stood in the kitchen at 3AM being on the receiving end of said all was like a flashpoint moment for you. You needed to get away from him; from the trailer, from the fight, from your relationship. It was probably a product of spending every second of every day with him, barely leaving this place, that suddenly made you so desperate to get out.

"I need space," you'd said. "I just need to get away.:"

You'd promised to call him before leaving for Robin's house. You didn't know then that would be, but as soon as you left the house with your overnight bag you felt some sense of relief. Not necessarily at the idea of leaving Eddie, just more at the fact you could think clearer about the situation now. There was no doubt in your mind that you'd work things out but for now, you just needed to get away.

Twelve hours had passed, and you were sat in Robin's bathroom getting ready for work. You hated the early shift, and you hated even more that Eddie wasn't about to kiss you goodbye before you went, but you were so angry at him. Sleeping on it had only made things worst. Again, that was just another thing that would pass with time but the healthiest thing was to let yourself simmer.

You frowned when you heard a knock on the door - Robin's parents were out of town and there was no chance in hell that any of your other friends would be up at this time. Throwing your hairbrush to the side, you left the bathroom and headed downstairs.

Eddie Fucking Munson. Who else?

"Eddie!" you exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"You said you'd call and then you never did," he pouted.

"For fuck's sake!" you snapped. "It's been twelve hours!"

"Exactly!"

You took a deep breath. "I mean twelve hours is a short time, Ed."

"That's the longest we've been apart since we were sixteen-"

"- I said I needed space!" you cut him off. "This is not space!"

He frowned. "I have given you space."

"Not enough," you replied. "Go home, Eddie. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk, okay?"

"That's what I'm scared of," Eddie began. "What if you're never ready? What if you decide you like space and never want to come home? I really don't like being away from you."

You gave him a soft smile. "I can tell you now that none of that will happen. I love you, but right now I'm really fucking angry with you. I just need you to respect my boundaries for a few days and then we can talk."

"You promise?"

Sticking out your pinky finger, you nodded. "I promise."

#asks #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson x you #eddie munson reader insert #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things x you #stranger things reader insert #eddie munson #stranger things

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imminent-danger-came · 11 months

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Im asking cause i really like your theories - do you think theres a reason why peng is so focused on macaque? He talked to him first in 4x02, mentions him out of nowhere even when no one does, and even seems bitter when mentioning the hold wukong has on him. I joke he has an unrequited crush on macaque and hes pulling on his pigtails, but the fact lmk both made him have a big obsession with macaque and had him escape instead of just jailing him like yellowtusk, makes me feel theres a reason for it

There could easily be some jttw thing I don't know, or there could not, but I'll do my best to provide some insight based off of what we see in lmk!

So, I think Peng and Macaque quite simply just don't mesh. This is used as a way to highlight their differences, as well as set up the eventual fight between Macaque and Peng in 4x13. Peng dislikes the way Macaque goes about things, especially because Macaque prefers to be methodical and cautious while Peng loves to foolhardily fight:

Macaque: "Look Wukong—I get you're excited, I do! But crossing the jade emperor is going to have consequences- and you're not listening. *sigh*" Peng: "You always were the most cowardly of the bunch Macaque, slinking around in the shadows like a rodent—well I for one am done with squabbling for scraps!"

(4x02 New Adventures)

Sun Wukong: "Peng is the most dangerous foe any of you have ever faced—buuuuut, the only thing they care more about than fighting is self preservation." (4x12 The Plan Man)

These two characters are foils. Where Macaque has a difficult time leaving-

Peng: "The six-eared Macaque fighting side by side with his own replacements! Is there anything Wukong could do that would break his hold over you?" (4x13 Rip and Tear)

-Peng on the other hand runs the moment things turn south. They abandon their brothers, valuing their own life over anyone else's and making it clear that no one has a hold on them the same way people have a hold on Macaque. Macaque never wanted to reach for more, yet Peng is motivated by their lust for wealth and status. They're "done with squabbling for scraps" and are glad to say goodbye to Camel Ridge—or "this dump"—clearly focused on material things more than anything else.

Macaque: "No that's YOU! You're the one always running off! Looking for more power, more sources of immortality—you're the one who wouldn't quit while were were ahead! Not the great sage, he's got to drag EVERYONE else into his mess!" (4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

((I will say, however, I wonder why Peng chose to leave Heaven in the first place. Their motivations aren't as noble as Azure's and Yellowtusks'—what forced them out of their spot in the Celestial Court, if anything did?))

As for mentioning Macaque out of no where—I wouldn't say that's the case! Macaque was the last remaining member of the Brotherhood they had yet to cross paths with in 4x09, it makes perfect sense that Peng would bring him up while talking about reforging the Brotherhood after failing to win over DBK. Of course, Azure and Yellowtusk don't care—Macaque was basically the boyfriend Wukong kept bringing around that no one else liked.

Which...3x08 anyone?

Macaque: "*laughs* Together? Remind me again exactly what it is you contribute to the team? They seem to get on just fine without you! Don't take it personally Tang—your buddy Wukong values people by how useful they are to him. Take it from me as an...expert in what happens when you get too close to the king. Look out for number one, because if you don't? No one will." (3x08 Benched)

Another thing that piques my interest is Peng's choice to run, a cowardly choice, something that in another time they surely would have insulted Macaque for. ESPECIALLY because, Macaque is the one who instead makes the choice to stay in 4x13/4x13, helping to seal the Jade Emperor's power.

So ya. They foils.

Moving on, with the whole "Peng escaping rather than being imprisoned" plot point, I'd call attention to this 4x12 scene:

Peng: "Hm. I was expecting a little more pageantry while we were the ones running the show! Turns out Azure even trapped the cup bearers in the scroll. Pouring one's own drinks does tend to dampen the mood." Yellowtusk: "We are missing more than waitstaff brother—look around! This is not the change we dreampt of." Peng: "Oh, I don't know, a little bit of chaos might be good for the world!"

(4x12 The Plan Man)

Peng's specific use of the word chaos here leads me to believe that their going to somehow become involved with our who-done-it underworld plot. If Peng is one for chaos, and "the universe is perilously close to tipping into chaos", then it's 1+2. Now that Peng is free and Yellowtusk is imprisoned (very Macaque and SWK of them), I think it's quite possible Peng could work to free Yellowtusk next season, and Yellowtusk might downright refuse (very UNLIKE Macaque and SWK of them). Peng and Yellowtusk's motivations were extremely different since the beginning, and I think the rift between these two will be something explored down the line.

As for Peng and Macaque, I'm sure they'll get another confrontation! Something like Peng offering Macaque a "way out" from whatever our secret puppet-master has planning, and Macaque, in a beautiful choice of showing off his character development, chooses to instead stick it out with SWK and MK. It'll be something that highlights how much Macaque has developed and grown, while showing off Peng's vices.

#my personal interpretation is that Peng legitimately just hates Macaque's guts lmao #Maybe they're jealous of the devotion they see other people possess #Maybe they're just kinda an asshole #Either way they are a delight to watch #Very attached to my Macaque and Peng foils now anon thank you #One thing that get's me about Peng is their little ''Save your breath Azure'' in 4x08 #Like. DUDE. THAT SOUNDED SO SINCERE. WHAT ARE YOUR MOTIVATIONS. *shakes that bird*#anyways #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk peng #lmk macaque #lmk meta #lmk speculation #Always happy to think too hard about lego characters o7

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drivestraight · 2 months

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hi! i am writing a character study right now (for a completely different fandom) but ofc objects in mirror keeps coming to mind because your characterization was so amazing and on point. do you have any advice for character studies specifically? and also, how did you gain the inspo for the plot in objects in mirror? was it a planned out thing or was it more just like a few key bulletpoints and then you went from there? i would love to hear about it and i appreciate you and your writing endlessly!!!

thank you so much! i have a bit of a rambling answer so i'm putting it below the cut:

i guess for characterization, the way i try to approach it, is to just keep them as human as possible in a way? like i don't think anything i do is exceptional or novel at all, but the way i think about it is to think through interactions, and go through the whole "would he do that? would he say that? would any normal person do or say that? what would X's response to Y doing this be? what is X and Y's relationship like and how do i get that across?" and i guess a lot of that is having a grasp of the "source material," so like. all the little videos that give us insight onto what they're like - and obviously that has its limits. like we really only do see glimpses, and a big part of rpf is filling in the blanks in a compelling/reasonably realistic way, and that's all up to you.

like obviously you can't reflect reality but i think it just comes down to portraying the characters so that they don't feel, like, caricatures rather than characters. and since you're doing a character study i'd assume you're writing it in like, a racing setting - in cases like these i do feel like it's more restrictive/difficult to get characterization "right," as opposed to in an au, where the characterization can feel real and compelling despite being pretty different. and this isn't to say that there's one right way - not at all. but like. making it Feel right in in an f1 setting, i'd say, is a little more narrow. it all comes down to just being thoughtful, i guess?

i do get kind of picky lasjf;lsaflaskjdf like sometimes when i feel like people try to give, for example, max or charles nuance, they go so heavy on like self-pity and trauma and inferiority it's like - is this a character who is even at all compelling? if this guy thinks he's so shit at everything like what's the point...😭 (unless he's getting rawed as a solution. that's always okay)

it's that sort of thing i mean like. it doesn't have to be accurate (we have no idea of what that actually means), but like... i do think to some extent it's important that you put thought and care into how you are portraying someone and not go too far into one extreme rather than the other. People have nuance. they can want antithetical things. etc etc. so it's just having that in mind, i'd say.

but like. if i'm being honest. not to like invalidate everything i've said above. i don't really think about it That much?? i kind of like. i pick the person i'm writing in the pov of, and just try to put myself in their head (as much as that's possible lmao), and things kind of just go from there. like i think i think about characterization when i need to, but it's more nowadays wrapped into my writing process as a whole, rather than something i think about in isolation.

and obviously i don't think that my word is gospel. this is just how i try to think about things and if this doesn't gel with you, throw it away lksjfd;lksad i'm just one person on the internet writing rpf

WOW okay i rambled a lot. onto your second question.

objects in mirror was largely unplanned. i think i've explained the story a couple times on here, but i'll just do it again haha.

when i was writing on the limit, i just wanted to write a fic about 2 guys talking. i didn't even think about writing a romantic relationship for them (deep enough in my discord dms is me talking about how i will Never ever ever ship lestappen or any sports rpf ship because i thought it was cringe), nor did i go into it with the intention of having charles go to red bull. i kinda just wanted him and max to have a drink and talk. originally it was supposed to be at the FIA gala but then i changed it, etc etc, and then we got on the limit.

leave no space was also kind of unplanned. by that point i started getting into lestappen as a romantic ship so then i was like. i wanna write something. hmmm. and then i just started writing something lmao. i think about 90% of the fic was unplanned. just vibes. scene after scene depending on what i felt like writing. maybe a bullet point here and there.

all to play for however... like. i was so against writing it at first because i knew it would take a lot of planning and effort. but then as more time passed i caved because i was like - this part of the story needs to be written. so then i literally made this spreadsheet along with plans for each race. dkfja;lkdfjsa. really an endeavor of massive proportions it was like a 2 month writing affair which i rarely ever do...

i guess "sources" of inspiration were like. seb's 2013 campaign, multi-21, spain 2016, etc etc. like past racing incidents were fun to think about/helped give inspiration for some of the incidents and this fic. and i think that one time lewis drove into the wrong pitbox lmao. and i guess also the wikipedia article of alexander the great. and also this one dream i had about someone calling me in the morning that turned out to totally be fake. <3

anyway yeah. i hope i answered at least some of your questions 😭

#asks #writing meta #objects in mirror #fic asks

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lesbiansforboromir · 10 months

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SPOILERS FOR LOTRO's KING'S GONDOR AND THE NEW BOOK QUESTS BUT as always I have a gripe with the major storyline, which is this mirroring of Arwen and Vidumavi. I understand the point of it, to inspire this xenophobic backlash that drives people to look to the heirs of Castamir in the first place and give us a reason to go to Umbar and I also get that the whole concept of middle men vs high men vs men of darkness has been somewhat scrubbed from the game's concepts of race and racism but STILL I JUST... Gondor didn't disapprove of Vidumavi because she was nebulously 'foreign'!!!

She was of a 'lesser' race of men, the movement against her in Gondor was a eugenicist one, they did not want to 'soil' the line of the kings with lesser blood that might incur issues like smaller life spans. This was an upper class southern dunadain issue! And in-text, Tolkien says essentially 'no don't worry, dunadain blood is stronger so it didnt effect their lifespans', as if we need that reassurance! As if the concerns were justified and needed to be assuaged for us! And Arwen, being both an elf of royal descent and literally the niece of Numenor's founder, is just fundamentally not the same.

Eldarion and Eldacar are not in the same position of mixed 'lesser' blood, the introduction of Arwen into the King's line is meant to 'reinvigorate it', what is the beef that gondorians have for her? If the common gondorian populace was looking for a 'foreign' figure to insight their ire, then why isn't Aragorn himself a target? He is just as foreign as Arwen is, both geographically and racially. The rohirrim are a descent of Vidumavi's people, why isn't Eowyn an issue?

If we're going for a mistrust of elves as the root cause, well that's also an issue for me since Gondorians do not need to call upon xenophobic prejudice to have an issue with elves. Couldn't their worry be the precise opposite? It has been a long time since Gondor was a majority dunadain country, most if not all people are 'middle men' by SOME descent, and now here we are with a 'pure' dunadain king whom was born to an isolationist cult that spurned the company of the common folk and associated mostly with the high-beauty eldar.

What will these new rulers think about their subjects? How will this effect their politics, their plans? Aragorn is no Steward he has all the rights of a King including the DIVINE right, what will such a glut of power be used to do? And how will a previously-immortal queen relate to her very mortal subjects? These are all very pertinent questions, especially considering that Gondor was expecting Boromir 'the rohirrim are true and valiant, our allies' II to rule them once Denethor was gone. It's a big and unexpected shift towards Dunadain and elven supremacy for Gondor, would that not inspire political concern?

Like here;

Aithil mentions that an elven sense of superiority over humans is something she has encountered! Which could be a lie, if it wasn't for the player having been through in-game Lothlorien and witnessed the way elves treated Nona. So it just kind of feels like an a-historical loss to position Arwen as recieving the same animosity as Vidumavi, relegating it to undeserved bigotry when the issue of elven superiority is real and believed by many characters, including Aragorn himself! And also minimising the bigotry Vidumavi and her children suffered to just 'oh they just didn't like foreign people', there was a very specific reason they did not like her!! It frustrates me.

Though admittedly I understand LOTRO can't go too far into these issues, lest Aragorn's kingship begin to look a little less like a beautiful and noble thing that will bring peace and happiness to all middle earth. And in any case I want to go to Umbar so whatever it takes to get me there comrades, I'll kiss Aragorn on his dumbass baby head if I have too. BUT STILL!! I wish there had been some other way to do that.

#text post #lotro #lord of the rings online #erran vs tolkien #vidumavi #the lord of the rings online #king's gondor #the song of waves and wind #tolkien #umbar

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system-of-a-feather · 9 months

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Related to the last post, but as someone whose gone relatively far with DID recovery - DID recovery is a long journey and process with a long expected time needed to be in therapy to "recover" that sometimes is a life long thing - some people with DID will always be in therapy for their life

And at least from personal experience, that often is interpreted as "I will never be happy and I have to work extraordinarily hard to be ok in life, i have to get help all the time to get what others get without any help"

But with where I am at currently, I realize it is a lot less of "I am so broken I need years of treatment to look even remotely ok" and a lot more of "There is A LOT of things in my life that my past has made a mess of that I have grown used to and accustomed to living with, and because of that, there are SO many ways my life could improve and get better - of course it would take years to not only make my life okay but to make it Flourish."

Cause in the midst of the early stages of healing, all you want is for peace and for things to stop hurting and it can be very easy to perceive the healing journey as one of just trying to get back and "be okay" because that IS where you start

But what you are actually doing is often (save for the very earliest stages usually) not "making yourself okay" but identifying and finding things in your life that could improve your life and make it better for you.

Early on, finding those areas tend to be in places others never had to worry about and are heavily motivated by a need to not feel pain, but later on, it just becomes a deep skill and insight into "what things don't serve me and what things from my childhood and past have lead me into directions that don't make me happy or don't make me as happy as I want" which really is something the average person deals with as well around their young adult ages to their early (general) adulthood.

I was having trouble wording this part of the explanation, so I'll just embrace it being a bit not-flowing, but with DID and C-PTSD you start at a much much shittier starting point than the average person, and that sucks that FUCKING sucks, but it also leaves you to have MUCH MUCH MUCH more room for growth and improvement than the "average person". You start lower, but you can really experience so much more growth that will in turn form a basis for deep insight and overall happiness in life compared to those that didn't start on Hard Mode.

Either way, I'm loosing my flow of thought, so Ill just share a related section from A Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki that I really liked that relates to this:

In our scripture it is said that there are four kinds of horses -- an excellent one, and not so good ones, and bad horse. The best horse will run before it sees the shadow of the whip. That is the best one. The second one will run just before the whip reaches his skin. The third one will run when it feels pain on his body. The fourth one will run after the pain penetrates into the marrow of his bone. That is the worst one. When we hear this story, perhaps everyone wants to be a good horse -- the best horse. Even if it is impossible to be the best one we want to be the second best. That is quite usual understanding of horse. But actually when we sit you will understand whether we are the best horse or the not-so-good ones. Here we have some problem in understanding of Zen. Zen is not the practice to be the best horse. If you think so -- if you understand Zen as a kind of practice to be a best horse you will have a problem -- big problem. That is not the right understanding of Zen. Actually, if you practice right Zen, whether you are the best horse or worst one doesn't matter. That is not the point. If you think of the mercy of Buddha, what do you think the Buddha will feel? He will be more sympathetic with the worst one rather than with the best one. So if you have the right understanding of Zen, or deeper understanding, worst horse should be most valuable horse. And because of the imperfect character of ourselves we have to express our inmost feeling through our imperfect body and characters. Usually those who can sit physically perfect take more time to obtain the marrow of Zen -- the true taste of Zen -- actual feeling of Zen. Those who find a great difficulty in practice of Zen will find more meaning of Zen. So sometimes I think the best horse is the worst horse and the worst horse is the best one. Sometimes. If you study calligraphy, usually those who are not so clever will become best calligraphers, and those who are very clever at his hand will find great difficulty to attain excellent calligraphy. That is quite usual in our art and religion. So we cannot say, "He is good," or "he is bad." The posture we take is not the same. For someone it is impossible to take this posture. Even though he cannot take right posture he can practice Zen in its true sense. In our everyday life we are always ashamed of our self -- reflecting what we are doing. Some student wrote me saying, "You sent me a calendar, and I am trying to follow the good message of the calendar, and I find the calendar undaunted by failure." The calendar is a calendar of failure.

#alter: riku #buddhism #recovery #healing #zen buddhism #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #c-ptsd #ptsd

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brainrotallthewaydown1312 · 6 months

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I've been seeing a lot going around about the James Somerton thing, and i have a lot of my own... complicated feelings, but i want to throw my two cents at the conversation I'm seeing. I'm putting it under a cut because 1) this is longer than I meant it to be and 2) I don't like drama and this is about as close to drama posting I'll (hopefully) ever get.

I'm going to say up front, i never watched his stuff. video essays, especially about queer history and media representation, are my bread and butter. i listen to them actively all the time, but i put them on to do chores, or art, or go to sleep pretty much every day. but I never got into James Somerton. I've heard of him and seen his videos come up in my searches and recommend. and he's come on autoplay a few times. I've always skipped him though. I narrowly avoided the hole of misinformation I see so many of you crawling out of right now. and there is a part of me that wants to puff up my chest and gloat and do the "I knew all along" dance that so many people my age do with situations like this.

but first of all, that would be a lie. yes, I did avoid his videos, but he isn't the only essayist that has just not passed my personal vibe check. it would be satisfying to be able to say shit like 'i noticed his lies/theft long ago' or 'i just had a gut feeling' 'he seemed like a hack' but that just isn't it. I never gave him enough attention for any of that to be true because I just didn't vibe with him. maybe it was his delivery or his voice or the production of it, I don't know. but he is far from the only one who makes content in that category who I skip over for failed vibe checks. and while some of them might have something going on, I'm sure some of them are lovely intelligent people with their own insights who are 'unproblematic' to whatever definition we're supposed to be using. and I'm not ever going to be the one to figure out which is which on that list, because just like James I am not giving them the chance for me to figure it out. not vibing with everyone is a natural thing. and there doesn't always have to be some big reason or gut feeling behind it.

if I had paid him any attention, I also like to think I would have noticed some of the plagiarism. especially the Alex Avila videos he ripped because I've been watching Alex for years and I've seen all his videos but specifically the Merlin one many many times, and it was so deeply transparent in its theft. but I'll never know if I actually would have because if you're not looking for it, even when it's familiar, it isn't always easy to click together why that is. and while I do do due diligence on things before I repeat them or if I plan to use it for research, I'm not sitting and fact checking and source checking when I listen to essays before bed or if I'm crocheting on my couch. it's an easy trap to fall into. I know first hand because I used to watch iilluminatii.

I haven't watched her in a few months, and while I'd like to chalk that up to having spotted the plagiarism, it was when all that interchannel drama hit. I tried to do my normal due diligence. I looked into it to see who seemed to be in the wrong with it. I have a low tolerance for that shit, so it was very tiring and I admittedly didn't do as much as I should have. and some people during that did point out the plagiarism, but they came at it in a way that it didn't seem genuine and it felt like an exaggeration of their distaste for her. it was all said in that condescending 'i already didn't like her and you're dumb for not seeing the problem' voice. partly because I was already fatigued on the drama and partly because I had been watching for so long and she does talk about her sources below, I didn't look into it. that was around when I stopped, and when I did it was more from fatigue on trying to sort the drama and the allegations and all of that out. I just wanted a rest from it. so I just gave up. and I had been a little disillusioned by that but a part of me was still hit by seeing how egregious it was in hbomb's video. because how had I not noticed that?

which brings me back to James. even if I had 'just known,' or been a fan who was already disillusioned, or I had caught the plagiarism, none of that would be a constructive addition to the conversation everyone is having right now. I know that. I've seen it over and over again with various cancellations. and I am just now processing how it effected my ability to follow up on the iilluminatii allegations months ago. I had no excuse to be finding out about that with everyone else, I was recently researching that actively. but I was getting so tripped up in the hipster zoomer discourse that I wasn't able to actually do the research objectively and I just gave up. and I know I am far from the only one to experience this. turning a genuine problem like this into an interpersonal drama issue and gloating about how soon you noticed or how obvious it is or any of that devalues the entire conversation. it drives people away from the discussion and makes them feel worse than they need to.

there are big waves right now. people talking about plagiarism and how to find it. what the penalty should be. how to more accurately define it. there are people grieving the loss of a parasocial support they had. people making recommendations for replacements. people looking for those recommendations. people afraid to because they don't want to be tricked again. these are all important conversations, and many of them are difficult. but there are also people gloating about noticing it sooner. or not having watched him. or having eagle eyes for plagiarism. or whatever else. and that doesn't help anyone. like I said. I get the temptation. it feels good to squeak by without getting hit when someone like this does something big and bad. and it feels good to be ahead of the curve. but it doesn't help the people who are hurting. the people he stole from and the people he lied to are already processing that. they don't need to be talked down to. and it doesn't help the wider conversation that people are having about plagiarism. that conversation is moving forward and you are stuck arguing about what you knew when.

I guess my main point is this: it's a shitty situation all around. it has left so many victims in its wake. most obviously and directly the people he stole from, but also the people who trusted him who he lied to, and the people who his misinformation will affect even if they never heard of him. and there are a lot of people processing and hurting right now. and there are a lot of conversations happening about how this coming to light can help prevent it from continuing to happen at scales like this. and conversations about people making similar stuff themselves that is properly researched where any incorrect information is accidental and likely to be corrected. and if you have to weigh in to those, do so constructively. say what you need to about what he did or about what is being said, but don't turn it into a sleuthing competition or a party trick that you figured it out first. don't post about how heavy handed and egregious it was and how everyone had to have noticed. don't guilt and shame the people who are processing. find something positive to say. find something comforting to say. the situation is shitty enough without unnecessary negativity clogging everything up

#james somerton #hbomberguy #plagiarism #iiluminaughtii

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roo-bastmoon · 1 year

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Let's talk about Yoongi and Taeyang

youtube

My thoughts and impressions of this episode are below the cut to avoid spoilers for folks.

Okay so first of all, let's all agree that our Lil Meow Meow was going THROUGH IT. He started fanboying before he could even get to the introduction and he was consistently twitterpated throughout the entire show. Adorbs.

I won't recap everything, but a few things stood out to me as significant insights into character.

Taeyang mentioned he used to eat only one meal a day. (As someone recovering from disordered eating, I have VIEWS about this but let me hush up and stay on topic.) Then he said when he served in the military, he had to eat three meals a day and do physical labor, so he gained 10kgs (22lbs). Which by the way is still a healthy weight. And he said he had to "work hard" to lose it again. I hate this. I hope all our boys come back from their time in the military used to regular meals, regular sleeping hours, a regular BMI and stick to it. They will have the power to reshape the standards of the industry if they refuse to make themselves fit into a smaller space. Just my opinion and I doubt I'll be changing it any time ever.

Taeyang said Jimin re-recorded their song 15 times. As far as I know based on the documentaries and Masterclasses I've watched from other famous musicians, singers, and songwriters, studio time is precious, even if you own the studio. Recording is expensive. A great deal of time is spent after recording on mixing the best takes to get to one master track. But our Jimin seems to have wanted to get it perfect all in one. He really does hold himself to a standard higher than most Grammy winners; I'm not kidding.

Yoongi then of course praises Jimin for his work ethic. The praise, THE PRAISE, Y'ALL. I LIVE. Jimin keeps working even when he cramps up in pain, our dear artist... Remember when he couldn't go to Jin's birthday party because he was recovering from muscle cramps? We called it; it was because of choreo.

Interesting how in the same breath, Yoongi compared Jungkook's organic genius to Jimin's effortful genius. I'm a huge Jikook fan but I don't want to make this out to be a shipping moment, because honestly it's just about styles of approach to work. And this isn't the first time we've heard this about Jikook as a unit. We hear it from members, producers, friends, choreographers, collaborators...

Yoongi also is sure to rat Jimin out about how much he mimicked and idolized Taeyang as a teen and it's like... you're saying this while admitting to doing the exact same thing and knowing all his songs, but still, it's super sweet. It reminds me of when Yoongi admitted to writing fanfic, lol. Even better is how Taeyang mentions several times he knows all of BTS' work. That's a discography of 200+, my friends.

But seeing Yoongi praise both Jimin and Taeyang so highly makes me wish that this episode came out before VIBE released. Maybe his trusted perspective would have softened the resistance many people felt toward supporting the project.

Especially because Taeyang really comes across as a good guy. He seems humble, considerate, grounded, a team-player, sensible, deep-thinking, and kind. He also seems to be focused on being a family man, making good music, and becoming a role model for the next generation. Now yes, both times I've seen him this way, he's appearing on TV to promote his single. But as far as we can know a celebrity while they are in front of a hot camera, I feel like his character is genuine enough, and I trust the tannies when they say they ALL admire and respect him deeply.

BTS has been around in the industry long enough to know when people are full of shit. And yeah, there are some seriously problematic assholes in Big Bang. There were legit scandals involving drugs and sex trafficking. I won't be rushing out to consume their products. But they did play a part in shaping BTS and Taeyang shouldn't be painted with the same brush just because he landed in the same group. He seems like someone who might have matured out of a lot of mistakes, like appropriating hairstyles or speaking on subjects outside his lived experience. I'm willing to give him a chance, here, in 2023, to get it right.

I also appreciate how honest and vulnerable Yoongi was and continues to be the moment he gets a few drinks in him. Talking about being so nervous without his members for That, That that he wanted to throw up. Mentioning the fear and disappointment when news of their hiatus caused all hell to break loose. Stating openly and without any qualifiers that he loves his members. To me, this is healing.

Yoongi was also adorable as fuck, let's face it. Giggly, blushing, toe-tapping, squirming, gushing, flirting Min Yoongi managed to ask Taeyang if he could produce a song for him (as if anyone in the world would say no thanks). And Taeyang is like "come over to my house and eat dinner with Jimin, I'll cook kimchi jiggae for you guys."

Oh and by the way, Taeyang and Joon apparently go to dinner and hang out and go to museums? AND WE WOULD NEVER KNOW. Do you know why? Because unless they choose to share aspects of their personal lives with us, WE DON'T ACTUALLY SEE THE MAJORITY OF THEIR PERSONAL LIVES. So just because you don't see evidence of members hanging out doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Everyone needs to chill about this with regards to Jikook. They went to ground around the same time that bullshit insurance premiums "scandal" broke and they've been to ground since. That's all.

Side note: Considering the shitstorm online earlier this week because Taehyung followed T-Top for a few hours on Instagram, I'm wondering if 2023 is the year most of the tannies stick to work-only promotions for their social media. You get burned enough, there's no payoff in sharing your vulnerable sides with strangers. It's such a shame, because we had a window to their inner landscapes, a glimpse at their real personalities and their real lives, but ruiners ruin everything. So a special Fuck You to people sending them hate for following or working with people you don't like. Know your place as a fan. Feel free to protest with your pocketbook but don't you dare talk shit and spread hate.

I digress. Back to Suchwita.

Taeyang advised Yoongi to surround himself with good people (members, staff, friends)... people who can tell him no. They had a great talk about staying realistic and humble, reminding themselves all things come to an end, being normal and grounded.

THIS is what makes BTS so easy to champion. They are uniquely talented, clearly the most hardworking, and even have streaks of artistic genius. But they forever remain set in a beginner's mind. They are the top dogs in their industry with an underdog mindset. I love this about them enough to set alarms to vote for awards and buy multiple copies of their work so they chart. I, Roo, who has never been to a popular music concert in all her 43 years; never been a groupie of anyone; never owned a piece of merch--I want them to succeed because I know they will never take it for granted.

And they keep it simple, even when it comes to how they work. Now, as someone who writes for a living and does bullet journaling every day as part of my therapy, I cannot tell you how delighted I was to learn that Yoongi writes with a pen and Taeyang with a typewriter. I am exactly the same. There's something intimate about it. I type more than 95 words a minute for work but it's not the same when crafting something personal. I also write original works better away from a designated work space--it's too much pressure to sit in a sterile environment and try to create. Real, meaningful words come from real, messy, organic moments in life. I just loved this level of detail in their conversation.

All in all, this was just such a great episode. I feel like I got to know both men better, was shown real insight into their mindsets, learned about their lives and work, and so I felt excited about VIBE.

Speaking of VIBE, we still need lots more sales to help Jimin get to Hot 100. Please contact accounts on twitter to get a gift card, make another itunes or amazon account, and buy it again, if you cannot persuade others to buy-in. Jimin worked so hard and wanted this so badly. I'm deeply troubled that ARMY couldn't cough up a buck-twenty-nine for him. It's like With You all over again. Unacceptable.

We are up against Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Sam Smith. We need the sales to get the points. We have a day and a half to get it right. PLEASE buy it.

We also only need 1.2 million more views on YouTube to get it to 50 million in its first week, so please stream today and tomorrow!

youtube

Consider it practice for next month, when PJM1 drops. Because by all accounts--from everyone who has ever worked with Jimin--he deserves it.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Yours,

Roo

#yoongi #min yongi #taeyang #jimin #park jimin #jimin vibe #suchwita #jimin bts #yoongi bts #suga bts #jikook #Youtube

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