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somnambulants · 3 years

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Can i request readerxnatasha first time? All good if you don't write smut though xx

she’s the sunset in the west

word count: 1.7K notes: i kinda combined this with another prompt: "intertwining your hands with your lover while making love" bc im feeling v soft today lmao hope you enjoy! warnings: allusions to lack of bodily autonomy/coerced interactions.

minors pls don’t interact! 18+ only!

Sex has always been a weapon for her.

Natasha knows she can get whatever she wants from whoever she wants if she just flaunts herself in front of them enough to get their attention. She’s not naïve; her whole life has been set up for her to use her body to get what she wants.

It’s something they teach you in the red room from the time you can walk: your body is your biggest weapon. No one will anticipate you coming.

And it’s true.

No one ever sees her coming.

Natasha has walked into many rooms and turned many heads and managed to take out multiple targets with all eyes on her and without anyone batting those eyes because they were so distracted by her.

It’s where the term black widow comes from. You see her but you don’t see her.

And that’s how she lives her life, with people seeing her but not seeing her. It’s what makes her such a good spy; such a good assassin. People might know she’s dangerous from the second they see her but they’ll be dead and she’ll be long gone before they realise exactly just how dangerous.

No one seems to see through it.

Until she meets you.

You, who met her while she was half naked and soaking wet, everything on display, after a mission had gone slightly wrong and didn’t even blink twice as you shrugged off your own jacket and handed it to her with a kind smile while some of her own teammates struggled to keep their eyes to themselves.

She’s pretty sure she fell in love with you right then and there, with your eyes on the ground, pointedly averted, a faint pink flush staining both of your cheeks and crawling down your neck.

Your relationship with Natasha is great. Amazing, in fact. You don’t think you could ask for better or more.

There’s just one thing really.

Sometimes you don’t feel like she’s really there when you’re being intimate. In the moment. Sometimes it’s as though she’s going through the motions and just doing what she feels needs to be done. Or what she thinks you want her to do.

Like right now.

She’s kissing you like she’s on autopilot. You love kissing her and you’re enjoying it, no doubt about that, as you sit splayed across her lap with her arms around you like a cage.

You love it. And her.

It just doesn’t feel quite right.

You know, subconsciously, there must be a reason you’ve been dating for all these months and haven’t had sex yet. You know Natasha has had a lot of sex and you’re not exactly inexperienced yourself in that department.

And yet, every time you get close, she’ll suddenly push you away and make an excuse to leave.

You know there must be a reason. You just don’t know why or how to broach the subject with her.

Or you thought you didn’t.

“Why don’t you want to have sex?”

You don’t mean for it to slip out and you cover your mouth as soon as it does, but the damage is already done.

Below you, Natasha, hands still on your waist – at a perfectly decent height, as though she thinks your parents might walk in and catch you at any second – freezes and looks at you with wide eyes.

“I – I do,” she says after a second, stuttering a little over her words. It would be amusing in any other circumstance to see Natasha Romanoff, the most unflappable person you’ve ever met in your life, struggling for words.

You stare at her until she swallows and looks away from you. “I do,” she repeats, quiet in a way that is distinctly non-Natasha like. “I’m just not used to this.”

It doesn’t make sense to you, what she’s saying but you stay quiet, sensing she’s building up to something and not wanting to interrupt her when it seems like she’s opening up to you about something important.

“I don’t know how to do …,” she waves a hand in between you wordlessly. You know you must look as confused as you feel because she lets out a huff of frustration. “I don’t know. This –It’s hard. For me. To do this with someone I care about.”

She looks so defeated as the words leave her mouth. You suck in a breath as realisation starts to sink in, feeling nauseous at the implication you’re getting from what she’s just said.

“We don’t have to do anything, Nat, ” you say quietly, tilting your head so she has to look at you as you speak. “Not now. Not ever…. if that’s not something you want. I’m sorry if I --”

“No! No!” she interrupts. She seems to have pinpointed where your thoughts have gone and she leans in, looking at you seriously. “No. Of course I want to. I just don’t know how…I’m used to..”

She doesn’t have to finish. You know exactly what she means and for a second, you’re overcome with such vibrant anger at the thought that no one has ever treated her the way she deserves.

You want to make sure she never feels like that again.

“Okay,” you say slowly, as a plan formulates in your head. You’re not sure if it’s the right thing to do but Natasha is looking at you uncertainly, like she thinks you’re going to up and run at any minute so you have to act fast. “Okay, if you’re sure. Can I try something? Please?”

Still looking uncertain, Natasha nods straight away. You lean in to kiss her gently and she immediately reciprocates, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss as though you’ll pull away at any moment.

After you break the kiss, you slide off her lap and then off the couch all together, kneeling down so you’re in front of her.

There’s confusion in her eyes as you do but you don’t address it until you’re settled.

You place your hands on her thighs. “Tell me to stop, okay?” The if you’re uncomfortable goes unsaid but you know she must be able to see it written across your face because she nods, biting her lip.

Hands still on her thighs, you kiss every spot you can reach and are delighted as she lets out a little laugh.

Encouraged, you continue until you reach her thighs.

Watching her carefully, you shift, helping her out of her underwear and pulling it down her legs. As you do, she looks back at you evenly, a little smile now playing around the corners of her mouth.

Internally, you breathe a sigh of relief. This was the right move then. You’re sure of it now.

This is the most relaxed you’ve seen her like this, you think. You hate that you hadn’t noticed any of this earlier.

But at least, you can do your best from now on by knowing what to look for.

You move your hands, and seeming to read your mind, she meets you in the middle, letting you intertwine your fingers on either side of her thighs as you rest your head on her stomach, watching her for any signs that she isn’t as comfortable with this as she seems. “Okay?”

You can’t see anything in her eyes to indicate it isn’t but still, you wait until she nods, giving you the green light.

“Yeah,” she says, as you lean back down. Her hips buck a little at the first touch of your tongue against her and she lets out a little breath, biting her lip as she looks at you with darkened eyes: “Yes.”

You continue, encouraged by her little moans and sounds that she makes no attempt to stifle, wasting little time detaching one of your hands to press a finger into her and inhaling sharply as you feel how wet she is around you.

Your actions are rewarded with a moan that quicky turns into a high-pitched gasp as you add another finger quickly after.

You thrust into her, picking up speed as she moans, shoving her hips onto your fingers eagerly in a plaintive request for more. She gets louder as you add a third and you feel her stretch around you. Louder still, when you brush over her clit with your thumb.

“Okay?” you ask again, a little teasingly. No doubt hearing it, she glares down at you but can’t quite hide the smile on her face, pushing her hips up to meet your fingers.

The smile quickly crumbles in favor of a small cry as you thrust into her harder. Her eyes flutter a little and she bites down on her lower lip. “So okay.”

With your fingers now inside her, you turn your attention to her clit, laving your tongue with it and trying not to grin when she cries out, squeezing you so tightly it’s hard for you to keep going at the pace you are.

She squeezes your hand, digging her nails into your skin as her thighs lock around your head and keep you in place.

In response, you double your efforts and are rewarded as she starts to fall apart above you.

There’s blissful white noise in your head as she arches her back with a moan – filthier and louder than the rest, as she comes -- cutting off your air supply entirely to the point that you wouldn’t be surprised if you blacked out.

You wouldn’t mind. In fact, you think this would be the best possible way to go.

When she finally releases you, you stay where you are, ignoring the cramp in your legs and rest your head on her stomach again, gazing up at her as she comes down, still twitching occasionally.

She runs her free hand through your hair rhythmically as her chest rises and falls, trying to catch her breath.

She looks like, for lack of better words, a mess. Hair sticking to her neck, cheeks flushed. She’s still wearing her bra, but the straps are now falling down, off her shoulders.

You think you probably don’t look any better yourself.

She’s so beautiful you think you could stare at her for the rest of your life and not get bored.

You squeeze the hand you’re still holding and her eyes flutter open, meeting yours immediately. “All good?” you ask softly.

She lets out an incredulous sounding little huff, pulling you up so you’re in her lap and she can kiss you.

You moan as she licks the taste of herself off your lips.

“Very much good,” she says, playfully, when you pull apart to breathe for a second.

She kisses you again, deeper and more intensely before shoving you away and reversing your positions. “Your turn.”

#natasha romanoff x reader

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swaps55 · 3 years

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Here we fucking go.

We have a glorious moment, one of the best of the trilogy. Anderson dies, and Shepard has to get up.

What do you need me to do.

No protests. No arguments. There is only the mission, and Shepard isn’t done. It’s the very essence of Shepard, the heart and soul of what makes them such a magic character.

And we follow up that moment with this bullshit.

I’ll take this moment to remind folks that in the original, vanilla ending, there was no explanation of the reaper origins. Shepard couldn’t ask questions. There was just, HEY. Pick a color.

So to my jaded self, the Extended Cut and Leviathan are merely attempts to sleep in the bed they made.

The biggest mistake BioWare made was attempting to explain the reapers. They are supposed to be unknowable. Beyond our comprehension. Yet here, in the final moments, they are distilled into something completely knowable and understandable, at the expense of everything the trilogy spent three years building.

“The reapers are not at war with you.”

Yeah, except you gave Harbinger understandable motivations, an ego, an obsession with a tiny organic, and a vendetta. You made the impersonal Cthulhu monster something with a very personal agenda. Those two ideologies are in direct conflict with each other.

“Who designed the Crucible?”

“You don’t know them, and there is no time to explain.”

WHEN THE FATE OF THE GALAXY HINGES ON IT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE TIME. Honest to god, this translates to, “we dunno, fuck off.”

Now onto the color coded choices. I’ll further point out the reminder that the vanilla ending included no voice over, no slideshow depicting the outcome and consequences, no memorial for Shepard. It was literally exploding relays in three different colors, with no other differences between them. At all.

The Extended Cut is a direct response to the uproar, which included the following:

“The relays exploded. Everyone’s dead.” BioWare, astonished at this assumption, somehow forgot they put out a DLC that makes it explicitly clear that destroying a relay releases a titanic source of energy that would wipe out a system. So Extended Cut? Comes out and says, “everything that was broken can be fixed.” No why, no how. You have a decimated galactic economy, the bulk of half a dozen armies stranded in a single system, and the codex clearly states we do not know what kind of material the relays or the Citadel are made from. So...how do we fix all of these things in the next few lifetimes? Fuck you, that’s how.

“...how the hell did my love interest get on the Normandy??” Because in vanilla, there is no goodbye scene. Shepard runs to the beam, never looks back, gets blown up, then stumbles to the beam. There is no injured squad mates, no evac, no tender goodbye. One second they’re there, the next they’re exiting the Normandy on Lame Jungle Planet. Which is why Harbinger so patiently waits for Shepard’s ship to come take the wounded love interest away, because we had to have some reason for them to wind up on the ship, and there isn’t a way to do it that makes sense, so have a tender goodbye and don’t think about the fact that the Normandy apparently could have just dropped you right off at the front door and saved everyone a lot of time and trouble.

“Why did the Normandy flee?” In vanilla, there was only the cutscene of Joker frantically mashing buttons while consoles exploded around him, with a swelling instrumental cacophony that ended with a discordant shriek, suggesting total disaster. When I first played it, I somehow thought, to my horror, that I’d killed Joker. And guess what? Joker and your love interest exiting the Normandy on Lame Jungle Planet is just where the game ended. That music is the credits music. That’s where the journey stopped. Not ended. Stopped. The only other scrap was the voiceover by Buzz Aldrin and a pop up saying, ‘you did it! buy our DLC.’ So the Extended Cut added a cry from Hackett to run from the Crucible, though there’s still no reason given for why, aside from ‘energy is bad for technology,�� and apparently the Normandy is the only ship that somehow winds up stranded on Lame Jungle Planet.

If the Crucible was essentially just a giant EMP that nukes all technology, then everyone is basically fucked, and how do you ‘outrun it,’ since it goes everywhere??

Fuck you, that’s how.

The choices themselves can fuck themselves, too. Attaching strings to the trilogy-spanning goal of destroying the reapers is a cheap bait and switch. A human being somehow being turned into an immortal vessel to puppet the immortal machines is a complete disaster waiting to happen. Human minds aren’t meant for that, and we’re given no context or information on how that’s supposed to function.

And Synthesis? You’re asking one person to directly violate the bodily autonomy of every single being in the galaxy? With zero explanation given for what that means other than a few utterly abstract sentences, how it works, what it changes, and what the consequences will be, good or bad? Fuck right off.

Is my interpretation of the endings completely and forever impacted by experiencing the vanilla ending after playing ME1 when it launched in 2007 and waiting five years for the finale? Yes. I won’t even pretend that I can take an unbiased look at Extended Cut, because all I can see is how blatantly and poorly it tried to respond to the backlash.

Beyond the incompressible narrative choices, the plot holes, the confusion, etc., the worst sin the original ending made was not giving the player an emotional release. There was no closure. No end. It just stopped. That haunted me. It sounds stupid to say I lost sleep over the ending of a video game. It sounds melodramatic and entitled and obnoxious. But I did. This world and these characters meant everything. I’d like to think that after having lived through a pandemic, it’s a little easier to understand why the fictional places we escape to so we can forget about the real world feel like a lifeline. It may be stupid that a video game means this much to me. But it does. And I have never gotten over how that ending made me feel, and I have never forgiven it.

The only thing the Extended Cut does is provide an emotional release, in the form of goodbyes to your love interest, an ending slideshow, and a voiceover telling you all the ways the galaxy isn’t actually fucked, even though it is. For a lot of people that’s enough, and that’s a good thing. Emotional release is a big deal. Even if the ending isn’t satisfying, having somewhere to put your emotions makes it a lot easier to swallow.

This is the first time I have experienced the ‘true’ ending since EC came out in 2012, and now that I have the achievement for finishing the game, I never intend to do it again.

I’m going to go boot up the Citadel DLC, which is the love letter send off the trilogy deserved, and what BioWare was capable of giving us all along.

They just...didn’t.

#tow cables on the citadel #in which i am angry and emotional and crying and in general a disaster of a human #apologies for the typos #of which i am sure there are many #i just can't bring myself to reread it

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casually-slips-into-coma · 3 years

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An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher

Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.

I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.

Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.

Why Make Debbie Queer?

The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.

From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.

This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.

I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.

1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.

2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.

Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality

One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.

Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).

This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go.

You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.

Debbie as The White Feminist

Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.

For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic.

There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.

Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.

When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.

Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.

This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.

(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)

Blame the writers

The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.

This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.

Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao

#shameless #debbie gallagher #sandy milkovich #lesbian #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #terrible queer rep

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toaarcan · 3 years

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I’ve realised that I’m kinda... still not over V8C14.

Like... it’s the first time in a long while that I’ve felt... actively disappointed by the show. Like the last time was probably V4, which is a good while ago now, and it sucks because the rest of V8 is so good. For most of the volume, CRWBY were firing on all cylinders, and then in the last episode and a half they just... beefed it.

V8C13 has its upshots, but C14 just... isn’t good, and I think that’s because none of it feels really earned.

Cinder... is a mess. She really is. CRWBY can’t really seem to decide whether she’s a villain protagonist that we should be able to draw catharsis from, or if she’s just the fucking worst. We get given the whole sympathetic backstory reel, and it had me going for a couple of days but none of it really justifies the amount of murder and the sheer delight she takes in it. I think her winning was meant to be kind of a “Yes, slay queen” moment and it really didn’t land for me, largely because, well.. her character development and the steps she takes to grow from it just don’t add up.

Like, the idea they’re going for is that, after three volumes of using her powers like a cudgel, and basically just running into fights and blowing things up with her flamethrower-hands, Cinder wises up and starts playing to her strengths again, wielding her powers and her brain in equal measure.

RWBY’s no stranger to this, it did the same thing with Weiss in V5-7, having her unlock her summoning and then start relying on it entirely in fights, leading to her near-death in V5, after which she properly worked it into her existing combat style.

Unfortunately, the V8 finale is written in such a way that Cinder’s smartest possible option is to just run in and blow things up with her flamethrower-hands. The use of fear that was key to her V3 strategy... basically all fell on Watts choosing the right time to cut off Jaune’s broadcast to cause the most confusion, and then it was right back to the Leeroy Jenkins playbook for Cinder. She actually played smarter in V5, when she was supposed to be at the nadir for her reliance on power above all else, planning to isolate her target and a single ally, and then steal the powers there.

And it’s not like she outplanned the heroes at all. They just kinda forget that she’s out there and might be a problem, while she gets to know their exact plan and how it’s going to work, basically because Neo turned out to be way more basic and single-minded than I gave her credit for.

(That’s another thing, I expected Neo to be kind of a wild-card in all this but nope, she was fully loyal to Cinder besides some snark, which was just so boring)

What’s supposed to be Cinder’s big moment of getting her mojo back feels mostly identical to the way she’s been acting since V4 ended, but this time it works because she read the script and the heroes forgot she existed.

I’ve said it before, but nothing sums up Cinder better than the fact that she got her hands on an all-powerful artefact of creation, which she could use to make just about anything... and she used it to make fire.

But then the thing that really settles it for me is Penny dying. I could’ve taken Cinder’s plot-mandated victory a lot better if they hadn’t packaged it in with Penny dying and just... torpedoing two volumes of character development.

I’ve seen people wildly speculating that Penny’s going to return from the dead for a second time somehow, and I almost believe it, what with Pietro having one more resurrection in him, but what’s telling is that the belief that Penny will be brought back isn’t based on foreshadowing, but the thought that, with all the time spent on her arc and the ideals and thoughts put into it, it would be at best dodgy writing, and at worst, outright antithetical to the show’s themes, if she really did stay dead.

It’s not “Penny will come back because this hints at it”, it’s “Penny will come back because killing her for real would be bad writing”.

And the thing is... they’re kinda right?

Like, we’re shown that Penny has been enduring dehumanisation from Jimmy Copperdong even before he leapt off the slippery slope and became a full-blown fascist. Everyone around her in the Atlas military, apart from Winter, views her as a machine, and not a person. She’s not allowed friends, or time to herself. Even becoming the Winter Maiden isn’t enough to convince anyone outside of Winter, Pietro, and the protagonist gang that she’s a person. Then when she turns against him, Brassdick pulls Watts out of jail to hack her, violating her bodily autonomy in a way that forces her to attack her friends, causes her serious injuries, and will eventually cause her to die, and the only thing she can think of to escape is to willingly die and chose her successor as the Winter Maiden. Her friends talk her out of this, and manage to put together a whole plan that will free her from Tintodger’s claws and allow her to live freely, but will in turn put them on an even tighter time limit to save the people of Mantle and Atlas... and it’s all looking good... and then it all gets fucked up so Cinder can have a win.

Like the turnaround between “Suicide and choosing your successor is not the answer” to “Actually suicide and choosing your successor is the answer” is like... two episodes. 30-40 minutes. I’m watching Penny ask Jaune to stab her and I’m like “Didn’t we just spend an episode and a half on dismissing this as an idea and finding a different option?”

In this show that’s supposedly “hopepunk,” Penny’s story ends with her being mortally wounded for trying to protect her friends from Smirks McFlamethrower, and choosing to die being her big act of freedom. Which is just outright depressing.

And it’s not as though CRWBY decided they couldn’t have a Maiden among the heroes, or they needed that useless goddamn Stretch Grimmstrong arm to work for once in its life (That thing is 0/3 against Maidens) and give Cinder the powers, because the powers went to Winter anyway.

I want to stress that I’m not normally anywhere near this down on RWBY’s writing. I generally really like the show. V7 was great. V6 was bloody brilliant, and it was the point where I started liking RWBY more than RvB. And most of V8 was on-track to becoming my second-favourite volume, and then it did that. This isn’t meant to be a RWDE thing or anything to do with those dipshits that hatewatch the show for some fucking reason. If I didn’t like the show, especially the past few volumes, I wouldn’t be nearly this ticked off by V8C14. So if you’re about to go “Hur-hur the whole show’s like that”, please fuck off. I guess I just wanted to vent a little about this.

I am looking forward to V9, though. Afterlife shenanigans should be fun, and the fact that RWBYJ are in a different dimension entirely to Cinder means the writing quality will skyrocket compared to the end of V8.

#RWBY #RWBY V8 #Griping I guess #CW: Suicide #TW: Suicide

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and-stir-the-stars · 2 years

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Today for spnmu, we're talking sea angels, because @sunriseat9am sent me an ask about them forever ago and I only gave them a half-answer and a promise that I'd get back to them on it later, and then I literally never did. Whoops. After giving this little guy some thought today, I've decided that sea angels remind me most of Sam Winchester.

Sea angels tend to evolve parallel to their major prey, the sea butterfly, which is one of the reasons sea angels are so small in size. The sea butterfly also happens to be one of the sea angel's close relatives, which means sea angels kill and eat their close relatives despite how divine they seem on the surface. Sam Winchester is a canon psychic, and a lot of fanon depicts Sam as being a witch or taking the time to fully develop his psychic powers. This makes Sam a form of non-human, and despite his non-human and extremely empathetic nature, he, like the sea angel, has a willingness to hunt other non-humans that can be seen as a form of betrayal and murder of your own kind. Also like sea angels, the way hunters live their ways is largely determined by the prey that they hunt, so hunters evolve parallel to their prey, too.

Sea angels are a form of sea snail that go through a metamorphosis where they shed their shells, and this decision to remove their shells reminds me of Sam deciding to leave his roots behind, pre-series. Not a perfect fit because Sam's roots (aka John and Dean) leave him behind more than he leaves them (reference: the "Dad was the one who told me never to come back" line"), but still worth noting imo.

These marine animals also tend to live in colder waters, which seems fitting for Sam: the one true vessel of the archangel that burns cold.

Speaking of being a vessel, sea angels are capable of producing a chemical defense that keeps predators away. Amphipods sometimes "kidnap" sea angels against their will, carrying the sea angels on their backs so they can use sea angels for this chemical defense. Sea angels reflect Sam's problems having his bodily autonomy violated for the benefit of others.

Another reason why I associate these guys with Sam is their wing-like appendages. Sea snails are supposed to have appendages called a "foot," but with sea angels, this appendage has evolved to look like wings. This evolution from feet to wings seems extremely symbolic of a lowly mortal wanting to be something divine. Sam wants this more than most; he's desperate to prove himself Good, but Sam never feels worthy enough. Now, I'd like to draw your attention to the two horn-like appendages on the sea angel's head. These appendages are used for dragging sea butterflies out of their shells while feeding. For some reason, this reminds me of Sam drinking demon blood; after all, isn't the Boy With the Demon Blood drinking the blood of demons just another form of cannibalism? Sam wants to be something good, but he still feels like he can't leave behind the more freakish and hellish parts of himself, so in the end, he ends up little more than a grotesque amalgamation of the heavenly and the hellish: of angel wings and elegant movement, but also of demonic horns and a cannibalistic nature.

A small note while we're talking about demon blood: sea angels are well-known for the way they mate. From the outside, two sea angels have a mating ritual that seems elegant, almost like a dance. What's really happening, though, is that the sea angels are attaching to each other in a way that will leave them physically scarred when they finally detach. Plus, sea angels sometimes hunt while they're mating. All of this just gives me Samruby vibes, tbh.

And, finally, sea angels have transparent skin. In general, I think Sam tends to be extremely open about his intentions, values, goals, and emotions. Most of the confusion about these things tend to rise up when other characters project their own assumptions about Sam onto him, instead of actually seeing what Sam's actually trying to say/show.

#spnmu #listen. hear me out.#marine universe monday #i'm probably too lazy to do it every week but. ya know. the option is out there #spn #sam winchester

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calpalsworld · 3 years

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Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

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stevetonygames · 4 years

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Spotlight Post: Canon Soulmate Bonds

Yooo, this is a blog takeover, Mizzy here, ready to champion one of my favourite fictional causes: canonical soulbonds in the Marvel universe.

We all love a good soulbond fic. Words on your body, names on your wrist, red string of fate...so many glorious versions, and all of them *completely awesome*. The problem sometimes with starting a soulbond fic, though, can be all the worldbuilding required to make it work. But what if I was to tell you that no worldbuilding was necessary? That you could technically write a soulbond fic without having to set it in an Alternate Universe? What if you could set your soulbond fic *directly in main canon?*

Marvel 616 delivers you a canonical soulbond mechanic… not once… but at least *twice*. There could be more. There’s a lot of comics to go through and I’m only smol. But here’s the two I know about and I’m here to introduce you to today. :)

The was a ripple of mild confusion around fandom when Kevin Feige announced that the Eternals were getting a title movie in the next phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Created by Jack Kirby in the 1970s, in a wild combination of mythological fascination and spite at DC comics for not letting him finish his New Gods saga, the Eternals were an offshoot of humanity, created by the Celestials for humanity’s protection; this reason for their existence would lead them into their ongoing conflict against the deadly Deviants. There have been a few Eternals runs (notably one run by Neil Gaiman, which did not serve to bring the Eternals the commercial success Marvel was searching for with the title, that nevertheless remains the most fun and accessible Eternals volume), but they’ve not yet really reached wide-reaching traction among even the most die-hard comic fans. The MCU might change that, and here’s hoping, because I love these nearly-immortal idiots, and I’m hoping not to be alone in that for much longer. :D

But even my Eternals-happy soul has to admit, Eternals canon for the most part is dense and can be convoluted, and the spellings—both of their character names and one of the main fun parts of their existence, the Mahd W’yry—are enough to give one a headache. The idea of the Eternals is that they’re long-lived and have interacted with human history over the years in various impactful ways. You might think at first glance that you’ve never heard of the Eternals Sersi, Ikaris, Makkari, but I think you wouldn’t find Circe, Icarus, or Mercury unfamiliar names.

The Mahd W’yry is a symptom of the Eternals being so long-living. In order to stop them going insane, the Eternals have to bond into something known as the Uni-Mind, which basically squishes all their consciousnesses together into one, where they can share memories and blend temporarily into one mind. Regularly bonding into the Uni-Mind allows them to stave off the Mahd W’yry. (Yep, that’s just a headache-inducing spelling of ‘mad worry’, we know.)

Anyway, did you need to know all this? Eh, maybe, a little bit of canned backstory is always handy for you to briefly glance over and promptly forget. Because along with some dense mythological adventures, some glorious angsting across beautiful landscapes, and that ability to turn into a big massive floating brain, the Eternals also gave us a beautiful gift:

The Gann Josin.

In Avengers #361, Ikaris comes down to Earth and decides that Sersi needs to be bonded to Dane Whitman, an Avenger who canonically didn’t have any powers, he was just a *really good guy*, destined for tragedy. Honestly. That’s his bio. Really good guy. Destined for tragedy. The character creation in the 90s was peak talent. Dane, sadly, was in love with another woman, but did this matter to Ikaris? No. Apparently the Eternals don’t know about the dangers of letting himbos like Ikaris have life-changing powers, like the ability to create the Uni-Mind.

Because the power to control the Uni-Mind also gives an Eternal the power to form a Gann Josin bond. And that’s what Ikaris does in Avengers #361—he forces a Gann Josin bond on Eternal Sersi and tragic human Avenger Dane Whitman.

Gann Josin (sometimes Gan-Josin because what is spelling continuity in Marvel comics) is both the name of the bond, and the title given to an Eternal and their chosen life-mate. It has a bunch of cool side effects. Both Gann Josins get glowing full-red eyes. It’s a really intimate tiny form of the Uni-Mind (without the part where you become a big floating brain), and creates a small scale mental union. The Gann Josin bond makes the Eternal and their partner lifelong soulmates. As the bond progresses, it creates a telepathic/empathic bond that strengthens in time. According to the Eternal Sprite, humans are rarely chosen by Eternals for the Gann Josin.

Now, Dane Whitman does manage to break the Gann Josin several issues later. But… it’s not easy. It’s rare. When Dane manages it, it is called an “astounding act.” It’s pretty dang hard, in other words. There’s every chance your chosen Gann Josins won’t have the mental fortitude of Dane Whitman to break it. (Although, we’re talking about Steve and Tony, and are there any bigger stubborn idiots in the universe? Probably not.)

But Mizzy, I hear you saying. I don’t want to write about Ikaris, even if he is a party king and that sounds pretty nifty. I don’t know anything about the Eternals and I don’t want to go down that gnarly rabbit hole.

That’s totes fine, my friend. I am here to save you. Because in very recent canon, during Jason Aaron’s turn at the helm, the Eternals are all dead. Very dead. That whole Mahd W’yry thing got ‘em, it got ‘em good. But before Ikaris died, he granted his Uni-Mind power to someone we all know and love.

Yep. Tony Stark. Tony Stark currently has the power of the Uni-Mind.

Which means that Tony Stark can now Gann Josin people.

In Avengers #361, Ikaris performs the Gann Josin by basically just pointing his hands at Sersi and Dane and some light goes WHEEEEEEE!! in their direction, and bam, this rare and special bond is done. And Tony Stark can do that now. To anyone! Unfortunately Ikaris is dead and didn’t leave Tony with an instruction manual. But the point is, he *can*. You can make up all sorts of fun things with this canonical fact (or write your own version because lbr Canon Is Dead; Long Live Canon.)

There are so many possibilities. Does Tony deliberately learn how to use it so he can bond himself to Steve? Does Tony *need* to be able to hear Steve’s thoughts (to thwart some bad guys) and thus end up soulbonded forever to Steve in result? Is Tony’s power activating at random because he can’t control it, and he ends up soulbonding everyone around him? Does he just subconsciously bond himself to Steve without consciously meaning to? Do Tony or Steve want to try it for science?

Gosh, I love comics.

But WAIT. There’s MORE.

It’s not just 1990s comics going ham on the soulbond idea. No, we got some *this year*. Canonical soulbonding? TWICE? In one universe? Two different kinds??

And this time, it’s not in a D-list Marvel title. We’re up the ranks to the big leagues this time, folx, with a brief trek to the world of the Fantastic Four.

In Fantastic Four (Vol. 6) #15, we’re introduced to a Spyre citizen called Sky, a winged team member of the Unparalleled (more cosmic-powered superheroes), who work under The Overseer. (The Overseer, in a burst of beautiful retcon in the way Marvel comics keeps doing to us, is apparently the entity who is responsible for giving the F4 their powers. Huh. The more you know.)

On the planet Spyre, all children are brought before something called The Great Eye. This measures them against the radiation signature of everyone on the planet, divining who their perfect match is.

Sky looked into The Great Eye, only to find out her match was Johnny Storm, who was 44 light-years away at the time. Long-distance relationships can be tough. Anyway, plot happens, the F4 get stuck on Spyre, get told they can’t leave, and Sky tells Johnny Storm that she is his soulmate. Oh, and she attached a soul binding onto him while he slept. Neat, huh, all the bodily autonomy people get in this universe before being force soulbond to people? So neat, much consent, wow.

Johnny feels a connection to Sky, which is supposed to let us know this lack of choice is a good thing I guess. The Overseer wants Sky to renounce Johnny and crush the F4 which obv doesn’t happen, so of course she leaves The Unparalleled and skips off to Earth to be with Johnny.

Who knows how this relationship is gonna last. I mean, you can look at the rest of Johnny’s relationship history and have a good guess. Who knows. Anyway, Reed and Sue are each other's soulmate, and also share a “Soul Binding”, so there’s some canonical proof right there that maybe this system has some validity going for it.

The soulbond for this form takes the form of a golden bracelet worn on the upper arm, that Sky explains her people call a “Soul Binding”; it represents them as being soul-mates. This bracelet can only be removed by your soulmate. This soulbond doesn’t seem to come with any extra powers, it’s just to show that The Great Eye has measured their radiation signature and declared them a match that is supposed to mean they’re perfectly compatible in every way: spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I don’t know about you, but I have a pretty good feeling that Steve and Tony might just have matching radiation signatures… Or what if Steve and Tony have perfect matching signatures….with other people? (Someone else on Spyre believes Sky is *their* perfect match, after all!) What if Steve has feelings for Iron Man, but he’s a perfect match with Tony Stark? I feel faint already just thinking about it.

So here you go. Two canonical types of soulbonds for your fannish consideration. Feel free to ask me questions! You can find me on tumblr (@mizzy2k) or on discord (addy#0908).

#stevetonygames #mod post #spotlight post #soulmates

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ryosei-hime · 3 years

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Sex and Therapy : The Safe Word

Concord learns a bit more about Fizz’s history. Rape is discussed in this chapter. I also attempt to show Concord actually having a life outside of his apartment. : P Also available on AO3.

Concord had a hard time concentrating at work the next day, knowing Fizz waited for him at home. He did his best to pay attention to his clients but, between them, his receptionist could catch him staring off into the distance with a silly grin.

“Sir, are you okay?”

Concord blushed and tried to pull his professional demeanor back together before turning his chair to face her fully.

“Yes, of course, Lannah.”

She lowered her spectacles and raised her eyebrows at him as she placed some papers on his desk.

“I’m fine,” he stated again in a warning tone.

She sighed as she set her glasses up to rest in front of her black and white horns, dropping the professional facade Concord liked to insist upon.

“I’ve never seen you make more than three facial expressions in all the time I’ve worked for you, Concord. What’s got you so excited?”

“It’s nothing.” He rearranged a few random items on his desk. “Has my three o’ clock arrived.”

“Canceled.” She gave him a smug look. “Looks like you have some time to talk.”

“It’s very unprofessional to engage in these sorts of conversations with employees.”

She gasped and hopped up to sit on his desk.

“These kinds of conversations? Do you have a date?”

Concord cursed his big mouth once more. Of course he used the same phrasing he’d used to try to curtail her oversharing with patients about her personal life.

“In...a way. I suppose. But again, it’s not appropriate workplace conversation.”

“Sir, I’ve worked for you for six years. You have never smiled the way you’ve been smiling today. I gotta know!”

Concord found himself being shaken by the shoulders.

“Okay, Lannah! Please, control yourself.”

She released him and wiggled excitedly as Concord eyed her like a live grenade.

“Who is it? What are they like? How’d you meet?”

“I...I’d rather not say too much. But I will gladly tell you he’s very out of my league in terms of physical appearance.”

“He’s hot?”

Concord lost his professional mask, giddiness taking over as he reacted to Lannah’s energy.

“He’s so hot, and so tall!”

“Picture! Picture!”

“I’m afraid I don’t have one.”

“Then what’s your favorite part of him?”

“His eyes. They captivate me.” Concord looked a little bashful as he recalled the way Fizz’s eyes shone in the darkness of the closet.

“Aww. That’s so sweet. I’m so happy for you, sir. I’ve been worried about you. Couple more years and I would have had to ask you out myself.”

Concord’s gave her a deadpan look.

“Really, Lannah?”

She laughed and poked him on his forehead.

“Hey, you’re cute enough for a pity date.”

“Sadly, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly. He did have to deal with Lannah giggling at him from time to time if she caught him smiling to himself. But he combated his embarrassment at being caught expressing happiness by reminding himself she was actually happy for him not laughing at him.

When Concord finally arrived home, he braced himself to be swept off his feet. But Fizz wasn’t waiting for him at the door like an excited puppy like he expected. That didn’t slow him down. He hucked his briefcase without looking to see where it landed, too busy struggling out of his sweater as he stumbled across the room.

“Fizz! I’m home!”

“I’m waiting!” he called back.

Concord finished fighting his way out of his sweater and followed the voice to his room. He found Fizz with his hands above his head, tied to the headboard as he reclined against a pile of pillows. His pose made Concord think of some romance novel covers he’d seen, long legs curled in a way that accentuated the hips, chest thrust forward a bit. Concord’s body reacted as intended, but his mind still got fixated on what should have been an irrelevant fact at this point.

“How did you tie yourself up?”

Fizz responded by sticking his long tongue out with a wink and that got him moving. He laughed as Concord scrambled up to him. He took Fizz’s face in his hands and their lips met, desperate and messy, only parting for moments so Concord could breathe. He finally had to lean back and Fizz followed those lips as far as he could, pulling on the ropes binding him.

He fell back against the pillows and stared up at Concord, a demure expression on his face as he rolled his hips to part his legs.

“I’m all yours. What’ll you do with me?”

Concord blushed more for the position he found himself in than anything. He hadn’t planned on taking charge. If he’d known, he’d have spent all day obsessing about it. What would he do? Why did he have to be so awkward? He couldn’t compare to what Fizz did for him.

He had to follow his instincts, Satan help him. He felt his body moving forward, hand sliding up Fizz’s thigh as he leaned up to kiss him again. Softer this time, less desperate as their tongues met and felt each other out. Concord opened his eyes as he pulled away, meeting Fizz’s.

“You have the most beautiful eyes.”

He hadn’t even thought before saying it and would have kicked himself if he weren’t so lost in them. Fizz looked amused.

“You’re such a softie. Did I even need to come up with a safe word?”

Concord felt a bit embarrassed for a moment. He’d said too much. He felt like hiding before the other half of what Fizz said clicked. He looked confused.

“Wait. You can’t use the one I use?”

“Not unless you want me to go rag doll on you, baby. Or are you into that?”

Concord ignored his attempts to keep things rolling.

“That works even when you say it?” Concord’s wheels turned slowly. “But that means….if you can’t…”

Concord reached up and started pulling at the ropes around Fizz’s wrists.

“I like to show off and all. But that was actually very hard to do on my own, you know.”

Concord ignored him again, wanting him to be completely free before he started talking. He straddled him as the ropes fell away and intended to look him in the eye, but he couldn’t. He kept his head down, tears stinging the corners of his eyes.

“Fizz. Your previous owner made it so you couldn’t tell them to….to cease their actions without….terminating your own functioning?”

“He didn’t like to be told what to do,” Fizz responded coldly.

“He raped you.”

“I don’t have bodily autonomy. Legally, he was within his rights.”

Concord looked up suddenly and took Fizz’s face in shaky hands, tears trailing down his cheeks.

“Fuck legality! Fizz. Who was he? What’s his name?”

“I can’t tell you. Confidentiality policies.”

“Could we get Cog to override that?”

“It’s part of my core programming.” Fizz’s voice suddenly took on a tinny sound. “It is inadvisable to tamper with core Fizzarolli programming. Tampering with core programming will void your warranty. Mammon is not responsible for dismemberment or death once the warranty is void.”

“Maybe we can….find a loophole?”

Concord’s eyes were scanning the air for answers now, frantic.

“Concord.” Fizz took his hands from his face. “Don’t.”

Concord looked at him and Fizz wiped away some of the tears on his cheeks. He stared into his eyes pointedly and Concord looked away. He wrapped his arms around Fizz’s neck and leaned into him for a hug. His voice came out a sad and desperate muffle.

“But he raped you.”

Fizz’s arms came up around him, tightening as he leaned his head against Concord’s.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess he did. But I’m here with you now.”

He sounded as if he were only just accepting that word could apply to him. Rage wormed its way into Concord’s heart. It burrowed into the center and made a nest. Fizz couldn’t tell him who he was. But Concord would find him somehow. He’d find him and he’d kill him.

“You’ll always be safe with me. I promise.”

Fizz kissed his horn, rubbing his back.

“I know, baby.”

Concord pulled back after a bit and wiped at his eyes.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be having to comfort me.”

“So, why don’t you comfort me now?” he suggested with a grin.

“We need to call Cog to turn this safe word off before we do anything.”

“You mean change it.”

“No. We can use safe words without them literally turning you off. I trust you to pause on your own when I ask. Why didn’t I realize it could be turned off before?”

“It can’t. It’s a safety protocol. There has to be a failsafe word. It’s part of the core programming.”

“Then we’ll change it to something ridiculous that I’ll never be able to pronounce.”

“Concord. Do I get to have a say on this one?”

“Of course. But why would you want to keep it?”

“The safe word isn’t bad. What he did with it was. What if something goes wrong with my programming? I could hurt you. I need to know you can shut me down. Let me have this.”

“...I don’t have to let you.” Concord was a little embarrassed he’d gone off and forgotten to take Fizz’s feelings into consideration. “It’s your decision.”

Fizz slipped a hand behind his head and hooked it around a horn, pulling Concord’s face up to his.

“Then let’s just wait to call Cog. I promised you a lot of things yesterday. And I really want to give them to you.”

Concord wanted to check with him that he really wanted to continue after such a sensitive subject, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t try to be Fizz’s therapist. And that was a very therapist thing to ask. Right now he had to trust Fizz knew what he needed. So, he smiled for him and brushed his cheek with a thumb.

“Then take me. I’m yours.”

He leaned up to kiss Fizz softly, but Fizz didn’t let him pull away, pushing more passion into it. He released his horn and donned his demure look again.

“But first, let me be yours. Show me that strength in softness you talked about.”

Concord laughed a little and felt some of the pressure relieved. He didn’t have to live up to Fizz. He could just be himself and Fizz would at the very least find it adorable or quaint. Maybe that was okay. As long as he brought Fizz any kind of joy.

As long as he made him forget for even a moment.

#Helluva Boss #RoboFizz #RoboFizz Helluva Boss #Robo Fizz #Robo Fizz Helluva Boss #my fanfics #stuffididmyself

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enigmaticxbee · 4 years

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✖️✖️✖️ 5x14 The Red and the Black

The one where... Scully undergoes hypnosis to remember what happened at the dam. Part 2 of 2.

Tagline: Resist or Serve

Best: Mulder gently brushing the hair back from her face and Scully sleepily responding what time is it? like it’s completely normal to be woken up that way by him. Mulder sitting on her hospital bed, so happy she’s ok that he laughs in relief. Scully’s confusion and fear over her missing memory. It’s a great scene.

Worst: CSM is still alive... Also that orgasmic hypnosis scene is hard to watch. It makes me very uncomfortable - maybe it’s supposed to? - but it’s a lot.

✔️ Flashlights

✔️ Woods

❌ Slideshow

❌ Autopsy

✔️ Evidence Disappears

✔️ Scully Misses It (I mean, she was there - she just conveniently can’t remember it)

✔️ Mulder Ditch

❌ Sunflower Seeds

❌ Voiceover

❌ Catch Phrase

❌ Scully is a Medical Doctor

❌ Mulder is Spooky

❌ Scuuullllaaaaayy! Muullllderrrr!

❌ Fox/Dana

✔️ Inappropriate Touching (that I am here for) - handholding, so much handholding

❌ Casual Scully

❌ Casual Mulder

✔️ Trench Coats

✔️ Bad Tie Watch

❌ Glasses Watch

✔️ Taking! It! Personally!: Scully & Mulder

50 States: West Virginia x6, Pennsylvania x14 & DC x44 (35/50)

Investigate: Together & Apart

Solve Rate: 60%

✔️ Bechdel Test: No conversation between women

MSR: 🐝🐝🐝

Goriness: 👽👽

Creepiness: 👽👽

Humor: 👽

Rewatch Thoughts:

I’ve been puzzling over their conversation in the second hospital scene. It feels significant - they’re talking about the chip and what it means! and why Scully joined Mulder on his quest for the Truth - but I can’t quite parse what Scully is saying. Mulder: ... it all points to that chip. The truth I’ve been searching for? That truth is in you. Scully: Mulder, when I met you five years ago... I didn’t believe you, but I followed you, on nothing more than your faith that the truth was out there, based... on your memories that your sister had been taken from you... Mulder: I don’t trust those memories now. Scully: Well, whether you trust them or not they’ve led you here. And me. But I have no memories to either trust or distrust, and if you ask me to follow you again... without those memories, I can’t. I won’t. Mulder: If I could give you those memories, if I could prove that I was right and that what I believed for so long was wrong... Scully: Is that what you really want?

I think what’s going on is that Scully fell for Mulder because of his passion and faith, and that she can’t continue on like this with this cynical, hopeless version of him. I was having trouble because she says that his belief in his memories of Samantha’s abduction led them here, to Scully in a hospital bed with a chip in her neck that can control her with no memory of what happened. Which is pretty bad, and sounds like a sunk costs issue for her to want Mulder to keep blindly believing and continuing on that path. But Scully has always maintained that she wouldn’t change a day. And based on what happens later in the episode, I think Scully is feeling more open to extreme possibilities of what happened to her, and she doesn’t want Mulder to give up.

It bothers me that Scully’s chip and loss of bodily and mental autonomy becomes all about Mulder and his quest. Maybe I’m just not understanding the intent of this scene, but I don’t think there’s enough focus on the impact on Scully. Even after she “recovers” her memories through hypnosis it’s all about whether it’s aliens or not. Either way Scully is fucked. I mean, I think it’s there in GA’s acting all episode, it’s just not there in the writing.

Mulder must be like god dammit, I shout about aliens for 5 years and then the moment I come around to their rational point of view both Scully and Skinner tell me the more plausible explanation is extraterrestrial?! WTF?

Ok, great Krycek scene. Holding Mulder at gunpoint, warning him about alien colonization and telling him to help the alien resistance - with like zero practical information of how to do so - then kissing him and peacing out? Chef’s kiss.

It really makes me mad that - as far as I remember - the show never does anything else with Scully’s chip. It’s mentioned in season 7’s En Ami. And there’s conjecture/headcanon about its role in her pregnancy. But the threat of being controlled, or even just monitored/tracked is never followed through on. Wasted opportunity. If I was Scully that’s all I’d be able to think about.

Episode-Related Fanfic Recs:

Apocalyptic Poet by Linda Bower - Mulder and Scully struggle to get back on the same page. Great emotional, angsty sex. (On Gossamer so if link doesn’t work you can search for it there.)

Just Go to the Graveyard and Ask Around by Sab - Oof, this deals with the aftermath of this case and angsty, disaffected Mulder in such a wonderful way. The ending made me tear up and smile. Read this!

#xf rewatch #xf fanart #the x files #the xfiles #thexfiles #xf #txf #xf mytharc #i want to believe #truth is out there #xf review #msr #fic recs #5x14 #the red and the black

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myfandomrambles · 4 years

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Adora, Catra & Trauma (pt 4)

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

Full Show

An Analysis of the way Catra & Adora are affected by their respective traumatic experiences.

Identity Formation and Core Beliefs

Adora

Adora’s core beliefs are centred around the world being unsafe and the idea that making it safe is her responsibility. This is due to her disorganized attachment born from childhood abuse and trauma. Her cognition is anchored to these ideas and the ability to detach herself from this deep responsibility is lacking. Core beliefs of instability and lack of safety leave Adora with underlying anxiety and dysregulation.

Adora’s sense of self generally just never fully formed, it’s destabilised, detached and dependent. Along with this she lacks full autonomy and has deep codependency on others for any continuity of self. Adora also has very little self-worth not attached to her ability to succeed in being a hero to others, which causes her to objectify herself. Her thoughts often become wrapped around helping others and a drive to always “fix it”. This leaves her with little sense of self and tendencies to give to much of herself to others to the point of self-harm.

In season one we see how she switched from having her sense of self is based on being Force Captain to being based around being a good enough She Ra in Sword pt 1/2 (1x01-2). When Adora is scared she automatically runs her belief of the world as unsafe and unstable activated. This fear causes her to go to Madame Razz, someone she doesn’t even know, to ask for help not just practically but is begging to know who she is now that she is She Ra. (Razz, 1x03)

In Flowers For She Ra (1x04) Adora's identity issues and self-doubt are triggered by the behaviour of the residents of Perfuma's kingdom. Adora is scared to live up to being the She Ra of the past and doesn’t want to show her face as Adora believes herself to not be enough.

During No Princes Left Behind (1x09) and The Beacon (1x10), we see how Adora has structured her sense of self as being a hero and giving herself to others. She is filled with guilt and confusion, the core structures she built her world around is damaged when she can not successfully play her role of being an object used by others.

In Promise (1x11) we see how this concept started in her childhood having been set up to have to act like the protector to others to not lose those she loves and to not lose the attention of her mother. The core beliefs of the world being fundamentally unsafe were set up by the violence of her mother and the focus on war. The memories show that her identity was driven by her connections to others and how hard Adora worked to gain any self-esteem. Her need to be a hero is also present in how she did act as the protector for Catra as a child multiple times and continues to want to be the hero to Catra now though not always conscious.

We also see the current dilemma she has in this fight being torn between the idea of becoming She Ra and her attachment to Catra and her past. This is partially born from manipulations past and present which adds layers to her identity issues going forward. Adora doesn’t know what she wants and can’t balance her love of Catra with her newly constructed self as She Ra. I think we can also infer she is also torn in a more normal sense between her new friends and her old ones.

With Light Hope we see her begging for answers as to how to fix it and how to save Glimmer, which she blames herself for. This guilt is exacerbated by the guilt that was built into her schemas from childhood. Adora’s need to fix it, guilt and fear become manipulated by Light Hope who tries to convince her to cut herself off from her friends to save them. Adora rejects some of the self-isolation but is still basing her core belief of self on She Ra missing part of Swift Wind’s comment about her friends being there not because she’s She Ra, but because they care deeply for Adora as a whole person. An issue of basing worth of being useful to others that is deeply part of Adora’s identity. (Light Hope 1x12)

In The Battle of Bright Moon (1x13) we see Adora both separate her selfhood from She Ra making a dissociated self-concept but also put her value on rather she could save everyone on her own.

Adora: I don't want you risking yourselves.

She-Ra can do this alone. This is what she's for.

Bow: Not even She-Ra can take out

an army on her own.

Adora: Then what good is she?

Throughout Ties That Bind (2x02), we see Adora struggle with feeling like she is worthwhile and feels the need to prove that she can be a better She Ra then Mara. Adora’s identity and self-esteem and schemas are tied up with being She Ra and being the proper person others need. Feelings of deep confusion and guilt as well drive obsessive behaviours throughout her attempts to fix the tower. She gains a bond with Swift Wind through this crisis which serves her well going forward, another moment where being able to connect with others grounds Adora.

During roll with it Adora’s hypervigilance, panic, control issues are triggered when her core belief of the world being unsafe and dangerous are activated. Her Identity is tied up with this fear and hypervigilance, making the dysregulation run very deep. (Roll With It 2x04 )

During The Price of Power (3x01) t he identity Adora had tried to build up throughout season 1 & 2 and some of the stability she had gained is broken down when she learns about her history and her status as a First One. While she had never learned to separate herself from how she can serve others, this revelation still breaks a degree of stability of her connection to others. We see her bolt and look for answers from Light Hope to re-ground herself and try and lessen the dislocation and dissociation of her identity.

Adora gains some distance and boundary in her self concept in her interaction with Catra in (Portal 3x06)

Catra: Let’ face it all of this is your fault. If you hadn’t gotten captured your sword wouldn’t have opened the portal. If you hadn’t gotten the sword and been the world’s worst She Ra, None of this would have happened. Admit it Adora, the world would still be standing if you had never come through that portal in the first place. You made me this. You took everything from me. You broke the world and it is all your fault.

Adora: No it’s not. I didn’t make you pull the switch. I didn’t make you do anything. I didn’t break the world, but I am gonna fix it. And you, you made your choice. Now live with it.

However, this gained boundary from Catra is paired with a reinforcement of Adora having to be the saviour of others and to protect others. It also lines up with her need to follow her density to build a structure of self and try and soothe her deep fears.

Angella: And you’ll come back too right? [From removing the sword to save the dimension]

Adora: I have to do this. It’s my destiny.

Angella: Oh, Adora, no. This is not it.

Adora: But...this is the only way to fix things.

.-----

Angella: You inspired us. You inspired me. Not because it was your destiny, but because you never let fear stop you. And now I choose to be brave.

Adora: No your majesty. Angella.

Angella: Take care of each other. (Portal 3x06)

[In this scene we see Angella gives Adora kind physical contact, something powerful for Adora from a guiding and maternal figure. Adora has to watch Angella die, a re-traumatizing event]

This interaction is a similar situation to what we see at the end of the show with The Heart. We see how Adora acts self-sacrificial to suicidal when giving the idea she must fulfil the needs of others. This event compounds how she sees herself as a hero and martyr, an issue that lasts. It’ also important to note how Adora turns Angella words of “take care of each other” to “take care of you [Glimmer ]”(The Coronation 4x01)

Adora continues to struggle with her identity due to her history and her attachment of identity to her status as She Ra and a hero. Her continued habit of trying to give more than she has to others gives her a lot of stress (season 3-4). Adora also tries to get answers from Light Hope on this issue and with questions about the weapon Mara had and what She Ra means. Adora never fully gets these answers (Protocol 4x05).

Adora also seeks answers from Mara. Adora has attached her identity to Mara making this deeply core to how she handles the stressors of her life. This attachment starts with her understanding of Mara as someone she needs to be better then and transitions to someone she has to carry on the legacy of. This displays how she attaches her identity to others, which started with Shadow Weaver & Catra, and how she lacks a core self so she is structuring everything from the ground up. (Seasons 2-5)

Adora seeks answers during her struggle with how to save others from the heart and Light Hope from Madame Razz (Hero 4x09). Her identity constructed Adora being a hero and her connection to She Ra as the saviour of Etheria is part of what disrupts Adora’s relationship to Glimmer (Fractures 4x10). A feeling of not being able to live up to what She Ra needs to be and how to be this hero is brought out by the influence of the degraded tech on Best Island. Fears of not being enough some of her strongest fears and stressors (Beast Island 4x11).

Her fight against The Heart in Destiny pt 1/2 (4x12-13) is driven by this need to break her identity from being the one who would hurt Etheria. These actions shatter her status as She Ra for a period of time something that causes Adora severe distress. This loss of being the most heroic of her group causes her to be too rash and causes herself bodily and mental distress (Hore Prime & Launch 5x01-2).

When Adora regains her ability to be She-Ra she accepts this back strongly working to be able to access her again. We see a lot here of how she is both attached to being She Ra as part of who she has to be to save others but also sets this part of her apart from her. Holding She-Ra as a dissociated part of self, I believe this is due to seeing herself as not fully worthy of being She-Ra. Adora internalised how others originally separated herself as former horde member from being the proper hero of Etheria. (Stranded, Save The Cat, Taking Control, Return to the Fright Zone 5x04-6, 5x10).

When Adora learns that she might have to give up her life Adora is willing to accept this. This is based on her tendency to place her worth on being able to serve others. Her identity disruption causes her to put herself through stresses and fail to be able to see her wants. We see Catra notice this in the end and try to get Adora to see this, Glimmer and Bow try and at least get her to not give in to dying and Shadow Weaver continues to reinforce this behaviour and schema. Her ability to give herself fully over to saving others and rejection of what she wants and needs in life colours her ability to save others. Her willingness to give herself over and structure identity on this pushes her to save others; it also deeply weakens her. (Failsafe, 5x11)

We see Adora breakdown and turn to something very close to suicidal her identity shattered and becoming warped with a dysregulated state and confused objectification. A battle of autonomy and self versus objectification is seen in Adora’s conversation with herself in the form of Mara.

Adora: I’m going to save Etheria, no matter what it takes. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain, I promise.

Mara: But at what cost? I never wanted to die. I sacrificed myself so you would never have to. Why are you doing this Adora?

Adora: It’s better this way. My friends will be safe. They’ll be happy.

Mara: And you? What do you want when this is all over.

Adora: I...It doesn’t matter. I’m She-Ra. This is what I'm supposed to do.

Mara: You are worth more than what you can give to other people. You deserve love too. (Heart pt 1, 5x12)

The question of what she wants is a version of the question Catra has been asking and the ideas of her having love is what her friends have been trying to tell her. However, she can not ground herself in these ideas and is too scared and hurt to be able to see this at the time.

Her core belief of having to earn love and lining her identity outside sources almost gives the planet to Horde Prime. Catra and Adora lose their mother at this point and this along with Adora trying to force Catra away weaken Adora further.

Being able to see her future and ground herself to Catra's love gives her the will to push against Horde Prime. This is hard due to Adora being unable to see the future as safe from her core belief that the world is scary, but Catra can finally pull Adora back their attachment and love being strong. Only the ability to imagine herself as worthwhile and believing Catra loves her gives her the strength to save the planet. (Heart pt 2, 5x13)

A keynote throughout the series is that Adora is most able to ground, build her self concept, shift negative schemas and break her dissociated self-concept when she connects with others. Her connection to others also serves her in health overall and pushes against her tendency to deal with anxiety, depression and dissociation. And when the opposite happens and she loses her healthy attachment to others all of her symptoms of trauma worsen and her ability to make healthy decisions suffers. (In the Shadows of Mystacor, The Battle of Brightmoon, Ties That Bind, Roll With It, Pulse, Protocol, Mer-Mysteries, Boy’s Night Out, Hero, Fractures, Horde Prime, Launch, Stranded, Save The Cat, Failsafe, Heart pt 1/2, 1x07, 1x13, 2x02, 2x04, 4x04-10, 5x01-2, 5x04-5, 5x11-12)

Catra

Catra’s identity issues and negative core beliefs stem from her childhood of abuse and trauma. These identity issues and core beliefs include; being second best, of the word being scary, of her worth being based in others, of punishment being inevitable and life being unfair. Her survival instincts tend towards copying abusive behaviours instead of forming healthy attachments. Catra also struggles to not internalize what others think she ought to be even when she plays the rebel.

Catra’s Beliefs of the world as unsafe and self-concept are primarily based on Adora & Shadow Weaver’s perception of her. However, others like the cadets and Hordak’s opinions also affect her self concept. ( Sword pt 1/2, Razz, The frozen Forest, Signals, Light Spinner, Reunion, 1x02-3, 2x01, 2x03, 2x06-7) We can see the start of these structures in what Shadow Weaver tells Catra about her worth in their childhood.

Shadow Weaver: You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Promise (1x11)

This set’s her very worth as a person in the way Adora’s was “fond of you [catra]”. We can see how Catra internalised this view and continues to believe this throughout her life. (Remember, The Portal, Princess Prom, Princess Scorpia 1x08, 3x05-6, 4x06). she believes that her self worth and worthiness to even live is based on rather Adora wants her or not (Corridors, Save The Cat, Taking Control, Failsafe & Heart pt 1, 5x03, 5x05-6& 5x11-12)

Catra also bases a great deal of her self worth for much of her life on Shadow Weaver’s ability to value her. Catra is deeply hurt that her mother never really cared for her. And tends to fight between believing that she needs Shadow Weaver and doesn’t need her all at the same time. But either way her self worth is based in Shadow Weaver. (Razz, The Beacon, Light Hope, The Battle of Bright Moon, signals, Light Spinner, Reunion, Once Upon a Time in The Crimson Waste, Failsafe, 1x01-13, 2x03, 2x06, 3x03, 3x06-7,5x11)

A belief of value as based on power and how much control she can have permeates her actions. She views the world as a power struggle and this affects her ability to see herself holistically. The only thing that starts to matter is how much power she can have. This is due to living in a culture that is built on fear. If Catra shows weakness she fears not only losing her sense of self but also of being hurt. Her schemas of fear permeate all of her actions and perceptions. (Promise, Light Hope, Light Spinner, Signals, Reunion, Once Upon a Time in the Waste, Moment of Truth, Princess Scorpia, Boys' Night Out, Fractures, Destiny pt1&2, Horde Prime, & Launch, 1x11-12, 2x03, 2x06-7, 3x03-4, 4x06, 4x08, 4x10-13, & 5x01-2)

Along with the core belief of the world being unsafe and afraid she also carries the belief that the best option is to be cruel back. If the world is going to constantly hurt her then she ought to hurt the world back. She is scared and angry and has internalized the feelings of terror, anger, hurt confusion and loss as who she is not emotions she has. This is worsened by her dysregulation. Catra’s struggles with depression also reinforce her negative beliefs of worthlessness and abandonment. (The Beacon, Promise, Light Hope, The Ties That Bind, Signals, White Out, Light Spinner, Reunion, The Price of Power, Once Upon A Time In The Crimson Waste, Moment of Truth, Remember The Portal, The Coronation, Pulse, Princess Scorpia, Boy’s Night Out, Fractures, & Destiny 1/2, 1x10-12, 2x02-3, 2x05-7, 3x01, 2x03,6, 4x01, 4x04, 4x06, 4x08, & 4x10, 4x12-13)

Catra’s locus of control is malformed, she views herself as lacking much ability to effects everything and sees the world as persecutory towards her. One key moment is during the portal arc. We see it in Once Upon A Time in The Crimson Waste (3x03) when she learns what shadow weaver did, she blames Adora telling her that everything is because of her. During their battle in the collapsing dimension, Catra tells Adora that it is all her fault and that Adora made her into this version of a person, struggling angry person who wants to hurt herself and others.

But interestingly this moment that is the height of Catra’s struggle with viewing the world as out of her control, persecutory and without any locus of control is challenged by Adora.

Adora: No it’s not. I didn’t make you pull the switch. I didn’t make you do anything. I didn’t break the world, but I am gonna fix it. And you, you made your choice. Now live with it. (The Portal 3x06).

[This conversation is accompanied by Catra assaulting Adora, a show of violence and power even as she renounces her responsibility of the catastrophe but Adora turns this around landing a knockout blow on Catra.]

Throughout season four we mostly see Catra basing her self concept and self-worth on her ability to complete the mission she set for herself. She is seeing herself as the abuser that Shadow Weaver wanted her to be. While she has gained a sense that she can truly impact the world and the confidence to stand up to Hordak she has completely walled herself off. Her connection to Scorpia, a grounding force has been destroyed. This loss worsens her anxiety, paranoia and depression. She is paranoid about how others see her while degrading them which worsens their opinions of her. She is still wanting to be strong and still has the schema of the world as a dangerous place as well as that she ought to be cruel back. (The Coronation, The Valley of the Lost, Flutternia, Pulse, Protocol, Princess Scorpia, Boys' Night Out, Fractures, Destiny pt 1 4x01-6, 4x08, 4x10, 4x12)

However, we do start to see her struggle with the actions she has taken dealing with, guilt, depression and flashbacks. The triggers of abandonment and stress cause her to suffer from enacted implicit memories of complete paranoia. This suffering has her falling apart. (Flutternia & Boys' Night Out 4x03 & 4x08)

We see her sense of self shatter almost completely under the weight of failure, depression, rage and pressure from the actions of Hordak and Double Trouble in Destiny pt 2 (4x13).

Double Trouble: ...I finally figured out your character. You try so hard to play the big, bad villain, but your heart’s never been in it, has it?

Catra: What--? What are you? Stop. Stop it.

Double Trouble: People have hurt you, haven’t they? They didn’t believe in you. They didn’t trust you. Didn’t Need you. Left You. But did you ever stop to think maybe they’re not the problem? It’s you. You drive them away wildcat.

Catra: Why are you doing this?

Double Trouble: It’s for your own good, darling. We both know this is never what you really wanted.

[Double trouble invades Catra’s personal space and uses their shapeshifting skills to make their words even more destabilizing for Catra]

This interaction with Double Trouble along with the invasion of Horde Prime breaks down Catra and allows her to start rethinking what it is she wants [something she asks of Adora to help her later]. However, it also worsens her depression and has her starting to outwardly believe she is broken and worthless. We do see her natural survival instincts kick in and she continues to try to play the villain but it is never something she can stick to. Catra is afraid and confused and doesn’t want to be dragged around. Her ability to bond with Glimmer shows she still can form an attachment to others and a sign that she cares about Etheria and Adora. (Horde Prime & Launch 5x1-2)

Next, we see Horde Prime try to use Catra’s survival instincts against her, pulling on the strings of pain to attempt to get her to give him the information she wants. He uses her leftover connection to Hordak and the threat of physical and spiritual assault to reinforce this survival instinct. Glimmer latches on to Catra’s attachment to Adora and confusion to help get her to make the proper decision asking her

Glimmer: Please Catra, Do one good thing in your life

Catra’s C-PTSD symptoms are triggered badly during this episode as well. She has multiple vivid memories and flashbacks and we see her flipping between multiple arousal states. The first memory scene starts with the aftermath of Catra hitting Lonnie and Adora trying to get her to explain why and apologize offering to protect her. When Adora asks her to apologise triggers her attack response and she scratches Adora’s face. We see a second memory that offers us an insight into the enmeshment between Adora and Catra along with how and why she gained the feeling of never saying sorry.

Adora: It’s [dinner] the grey kind tonight. I know it’s your favorite.

Catra: What are you doing?

Adora: Well if you're missing dinner, then I am, too.

Catra: Just go! Eat with your new best friend, Lonnie!

Adora: Is that why you hit her?

Catra: I know you like her better than me. You’re supposed to be my friend.

Adora: I am your friend, Catra. I’m always going to be your friend. --- You should say sorry to Lonnie. And then we can all be friends.

Catra: [grunting] No.

Adora: Come on, Catra.

Catra: I’ll never say sorry to anybody, ever.

[We see Catra start by getting a protective stance. When Adora tries to approach at first catra pushes her away with her body showing extreme fear. Then as Adora offers comfort we see Catra’s approach memories activate and she snuggles up to Adora. But when she is suggested to apologize and share the attachment and friendship of Adora her fight response kicks in pushing her friends over and running away]

This memory shows that as a child saying sorry already triggered anger and fear in her. Something that we can connect to shying away from attachment and finding admitting fault and weakness scary. Her protective anger is present as well as seeing all of this relational rupture with Adora based in fear of abandonment and loss of Adora. This memory triggers flashbacks in Catra and the past bleeding to the present. Adora’s friendship has her remember her promise to it always being “me and you” and she realises her lack of saying sorry has always been protective, and a cause of problems.

Then Catra makes one of her most important decisions and a huge change in how she perceives herself and interacts with others choosing to save Glimmer, apologizing to Adora and offering herself up for assault, abuse or murder. (Corridors 5x03)

Catra is spiritually and physically abused by Horde prime and her mind is violated. This offers a huge shift in her identity. Catra’s deep self-belief of worthlessness and weak identity is what Horde Prime uses to try and have her believe she wanted the assault and manipulate Adora. However, she pushes back through with Adora’s help (Save The Cat, 5x05).

Following this Catra protective states of self try to rear their head as her fear of the world and worthlessness has been bolstered and her identity weakened. Adora’s boundaries and kindness, however, remind her why she wanted to shift to vulnerability and having an identity-based in connection and self-worth. She opens up to Adora and her stable identity is reinforced so is an outlook of being there for others versus acting as the abuser she was taught to be. (Taking Control, Shot in the Dark, An Ill Wind, & Return to the Fright Zone, 5x06, 5x08-10)

During Failsafe (5x11) we see her be able to remember that question of what do you want trying to get Adora to see it, but her thoughts of being fundamentally unwanted and worthlessness still get in the way of her being connected to Adora and others. Her connection to Adora and ability to question what she wants and how her identity and needs matter can break through Adora’s dissociated objectified self and suicidal thoughts and save everything with their attachment and love. (Heart pt 1/2 5x12-13)

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tussive · 4 years

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I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and some of them are touchy and I know many of my followers are trans. I've never really spoken about most of this publicly, but I was just discussing this type of thing with @fresholivesfromtheolivebar and I thought having a place to organize my thoughts and get them out in a hopefully not too rambly/weird and mostly cohesive post.

I used to identify agender/non-binary for a period of time. I've never identified as "male." I don't understand men. I don't get men. They talk to me and it's like their way of thinking is completely foreign to me. That isn't to say I'm not male. I am very much male. I was raised male. I am seen as male. I have been conditioned as a male (possibly a faggy male lol) my entire life, including now, and that undoubtably affects how I perceive life and shapes my personality. I've always mostly had women as friends, male friends generally I lost interest in talking to quickly, and I don't typically udnerstand their line of thinking/reasoning to begin with.

That's Colette quote sums it up really well for me. "“I have nothing to say to men and never had. Judging from the little time I’ve spent with them, their usual conversation is sickening. Besides, they bore me. I believe,” he hesitated, then concluded, “I believe I don’t understand men.”"

I have several male internet friends, but none who I'm especially close to. We all go months without talking sometimes, but I do enjoy speaking with them over shared interests. William is the exception, but we have discussed these things at lengths and he feels almost (or maybe entirely) the same way as I do. He doesn't really consider himsself "male" either.

I didn't like agender or non-binary or genderfluid or any of that, because I feel like they carry their own impressions that I didn't feel fit me. When I was younger, I experienced a great deal of gender dysphoria. I wanted to be born a girl. Probably because I always got along better with the other girls school. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and her female friends. My step-grandfather was in my life heavily and I loved him dearly, but I never connected with him on the same level I did with my grandmother.

I thought I may be trans when I was younger. I looked into things, explored options, spoke with trans women and many of them were very pushy about transitioning. I was under 18 at the time and one person actually threatened me with calling CPS, lying and saying I was abused, so I could go live with another family and could "be who I really was."

That experience put me off becoming trans a lot, if I'm being totally honest. But also around that time I was questioning gender roles to to begin with. Why are certain traits, behaviors and interests considered "female" and others are considered "male." It didn't make sense to me. So I just said fuck you to gender roles and started doing whatever I wanted and my gender dysphoria went away. I still have aspects of my body I don't like and wish were different, but I think that's literally every human. Mine may be based around my sex to a degree and wishing I looked more feminine, but the core of the problem is the same.

I went by non-binary/agender for a while, but I didn't really love those because I felt like they came with their own implications, so I stil just called myself a male and would say like "male, kind of" or something when someone asked lol. I generally say I'm straight, but I do find males to be sexually attractive, but I've never met a man who I was able to connect with emotionally on any level even close to resembling romantic attraction. William is my only close male friend and I love him like a brother, not someone I want to put my dick into. I know going by like "newer" more specific terms, I'd probably be like "agender/non-binary demisexual heteroromantic." But I just feel like that is dumb. I don't think a label needs to perfectly describe you, just give people a rough idea, personally.

And like, I love trans people. Let me say here, I do not view any issue with trans people and if they feel transitioning is their best shot at happiness, they should go that. I am 100% believe in full bodily autonomy, you should be allowed to do anything with it that doesn't hurt someone. I do think a minority of people have taken things with it too far and have started trying to "cancel" anyone who doesn't perfectly all in line with their idealogy, but the majority of trans people I've meant online and in person are not that, they just want to be happy in their own body.

That being sad, I do think a lot of "TERF" arguments are valid. I think having spaces specifically for AFAB people is a good thing. Being born male or female and raised and conditioned that way within a society WILL affect who you are as an adult, even if you were trans then and just didn't really realize it yet. I like the "3rd gender neutral" bathroom idea, but I think it should go a step further. Eliminate all multi stall bathrooms. Every bathroom should be a single bathroom that anyone can use, regardless of sex or gender identity.

That all said, I view trans women as women. And the above points aren't really fair to them,* I agree totally. Like that is genuinely so shitty and my heart breaks for trans people who suffer through as much as they do. It's not fair that it happens. (Unfortunately a lot of things aren't fair. Which doesn't mean "SUCK IT UP PUMPKIN" it just means shit is going to suck a lot and learning to roll with it is the best way to have any kind of peace of mind imo. But I fully empathize. I am no familiar with gender dysphoria. And I still wish I was born female.

I just don't think transitioning is right for me because there's NOTHING that stops me from doing whatever I wanna do, wearing whatever I wanna wear, talking how I want to talk, etc as a male that I wouldn't be able to do. So it doesn't matter all that much. If other people want to transition, I fully support them and I think it should be easier for people to do so.

I love trans people, not to pull the "I even have some [x] friends!" card but basically every person I talk to regularly is a woman or trans/nb/queen/etc. I do what I can to support them whenever I can.

I know some of what I said here probably comes across TERF-y, or whatever the male equivalent of that would be. I don't claim that term, but I've been called it by random trans people online like hundreds of times.

If you feel like I'm a TERF or hate trans people or don't respect you or what you go through, by all means block/unfollow/message me to d iscuss it further. If you unfollow, I get it, you won't offend me or anything. Most of this is just me working out/posting my gender identity again because I feel good about it now really. The trans stuff is just like there to try to add context of why I don't call myself trans.

(Kinda sidenote: honestly I've been calling myself "queer" more and more. It's vague and doesn't give any specific impression other than "not cis opposite attracted person" and I think that's a good way to describe myself lol.)

Sorry this is long, sorry if this is confusing, I didn't proofread at all and sorry if this upsets you. I'm happy to talk with you if you are upset about anything or if you just want nothing to do with someone like me, that's totally fine!

Anyway, if you read all of this, I tank you. I know it's way too long but I just had some thoughts and feelings I felt relevant to things today and wanted to get them out.

Love you. <3 Marcus

#gender identity #trans issues #hope this isn't a huge fucking mistake lol

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trans-advice · 4 years

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Hey, for the past 5 or so years I have privately identified as nonbinary or not conforming to any gender, and even recently requested that my boss and coworkers use they/them pronouns. About a month ago I stumbled across a "gender critical" blog and started reading it. I know it's a bad idea to engage with trolls, especially when it will impact your sense of self, but I felt restless that my existence was being debated and wanted to hear the other side. Now I am feeling confused (1 o 2 asks)

I’m feeling confused and gross, wondering if all this time I have been actually working against my own feminist beliefs, or if I’m just being naive and getting indoctrinated. Like,I worry about me being a female who simply didn’t subscribe to gender stereotypes, tricking myself into thinking I"wasn’t like the other girls". I have also been wondering about what it means to identify into an oppressed group, and why we can’t talk about it without being dismissed as a dumb TERF. (1 o 2 asks) Thx

— Eve: CW: long post, possibly rambley, could’ve used better editing, transphobia, “gender critical”, recuperation, discussion of “terf” politics, recuperation of liberation movements, politics, oppression, rape culture, anti-fascist, anti-capitalist,

So basically I have tried for almost 4 weeks to write a response detailing this stuff. however it’s gotten too unwieldy. i tried to condense it, but this was as close as i got. it’s practically like 3 drafts back to back. I couldn’t figure out the differences & when i saw similarities it seemed significantly different enough. so I’m not editing any further. here’s a mindvomit. i wish i had this more polished but I can’t do that & i didn’t get a response.

however I’m going to make a history book recommendation, a referral to gendercensus2020, and i need to emphasize that these are much more like personal beliefs & not generally the tone of this blog which aims to give advice & positivity, while this is inherently political, the good bad & ugly. and there are trans people of various persuasions so I don’t want alienate them. i dissecting some ideologies that are transphobic, how they became that, how they got recuperated, and how you can find the same concerns being addressed. I’m answering this because it totally makes sense to me that this is asked in good faith & I want to respect your concerns & show that there are better methods of liberation activism that are trans affirmative, or at least must become & develop into such.

So I’m going to recommend the book “Transgender History (Second Edition)” by Susan Stryker, which I have put on our blog’s google drive account, so hence a link. It goes into the historic common ground between the feminists & LGBT+ peoples. It also gets into historic movements. And on top of that, the first chapter is literally a list of terminology deconstructing gender, which is also helpful for analyzing topics feminism analyzes..

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1IvCwNvCJ_EiDmOer4zS8SbFGz4m-WDJ1

another thing you need to know regarding the label lesbian back in the day is that it was a catchall for any woman who didn’t have sex with men. now granted, this was a cisnormative understanding, but basically lesbians included celibate women, asexual women, and of course bisexual women in addition to gay women.

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money to have sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (granted, communities cannot be monoliths if they want to be ecosystems, like any movement label there are different interpretations made by members of it, and therefore there are some strands that uphold a homonormative appreciation for conversion therapy. perhaps a middle ground for understanding how that happened is that joke about macho sexuality purity “if a man masturbates with his hand, he’s using a man’s hand to get off, then it’s gay.” granted, there was of course a political/economic reason to this, but still, it seems in terms of history that this joke was considered actually legitimate.)

“lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included ace, celibate & gynephiliac women. part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married which I’ll detail a few paragraphs from now. (while this next thought could be incorrect because I did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, I think the vestiges of those economic pressures are basically the gist of “comphet”.) the goal of political lesbian as well as lesbian separatism was to build an economy/get money that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, via marriage, pregnancy etc. so basically in an effort to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

however these networks ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. it makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210] >

birth control helped to liberate women & that accommodation/handicap for reproductive health disabilities (disability is merely inability to do something that’s Normative. so if having a uterus, pregnancy/menstruation/having breasts etc aren’t considered normal, which is especially common in a patriarchal society for these examples, then it’s disability.) It should be said that due to the desire for bodily autonomy to regulate our own body parts, as well as a desire to manage our fertility & sterilization, the transgender movement has a lot in common with feminism’s female-as-disability movement.)

it should also be noted that before the medical transitioning became accessible that us trans people relied a lot more on social transitioning than medical transitioning. it should also be mentioned that the medical procedures are available & used by cisgender people too.

that being said, since both cis females & transgender women were denied birth control etc, there was a very intense fear of impregnation happening & trans women going back in the closet not only to get money under patriarchy but also because life raising a kid is hard. like if you’ve ever seen “the stepford wives” & look at how the ally husband betrays his feminist wife, then that should clue us into how a lack of birth control scared us.

the problem with the school of feminism that emphasizes physiological sex over gender identity (in order to deny the existence of trans people with female-organs or not) is that it doesn’t account for birth control & how that’s affected the landscape, the economy etc, the revolutionary impact of birth control basically. it also ignores that trans people & cis women feminists have the same goals when it comes to getting freedoms about reproductive rights & bodily autonomy. therefore it ends up being transphobic & wanting to run back into the times when we didn’t have abortion access because they want to hurt us.

That being said though, we need to have birth control & more in order to help liberate trans people too, so if somewhere doesn’t have birth control, then we’re not doing well either because it’d pay a lot more to be transphobic (which of course it doesn’t now when we have birth control & various medical & other technologies). i think what I’m trying to say is that similar to disability accomodations clashing with each other, if we of the women’s liberation, the trans liberation, and the gay & lesbian liberation, and the bisexual & ace liberation get stranded then we’re all doomed. granted we might be doing that due to defensiveness with hostility similar to how in the 1980s feminism got very conservative in USA & how some transgender people get spared in systems with strict gender conformity & anticolonialist values, it’d be wrong to say that all our liberations are in conflict with each other. they can be mishandled, but ultimately, safety still tends to favor cisheteropatriarchal people. internalized patriarchal thinking is like internalized queerphobia, and so forth.

I want to emphasize that it is relatively easy for transgender people especially nonbinary people to find gender critical discourse somewhat appealing. Here’s why: TERFs & Gender Critical discourse is agender-normative disability discourse regarding reproductive health & other AFAB organs. (a disability is being unable to do things that society considers normative. so if you can’t drive & your locale de facto requires it, then that’s a disability. also in usa you’ll find that pregnancy & disability are the main things welfare programs prioritize. a pregnancy can be harmful, but can be easier with the right monitoring etc. which again is the same with disability.)

the problem though is that they then insist on misgendering you as one of the binary genders based on objectification of your body (specifically, “morphology”). point being, because you feel dysphoric over being misgendered as something nonbinary as being mislabeled as cisgender, this implies that you are indeed transgender.

https://gendercensus.com/post/612238605773111296/the-gender-census-2020-is-now-open

—

Now to be clear, there are historical economic considerations that made the decisions to specialize on the intersectionality of cisgender AFABs, but the economy & technology has changed. Basically marriage back in the day was economically necessary because there was effectively no birth control available. Therefore, to get child support etc, required getting the father to pay the consequences. However, marriage was very much a chattel property institution, marital rape was still legal, and women couldn’t get credit etc in our own names.

At the same time, similar to birth control being unavailable, hormones & other procedures for medically transitioning trans people were unavailable as well, which meant social transitioning & wardrobe etc were the main methods of affirming our gender. however, we sometimes got lucky & had a doctor write us a note affirming our gender & sometimes we got even luckier & govts accepted this. this however required getting labelled sick & begging doctors to give us treatment & getting money for this since insurance companies etc still discriminated against transgender people even when we agreed to have our gender identity situation labelled as sick & medically necessary. (similarly insurance companies still refuse to cover abortions & so do some doctors & hospitals.)

So this meant that AFABs were concerned about getting hijacked via impregnation. Because of the patriarchal economics of the whole thing, people were afraid of “the stepford wives” repeating itself in their own lives, where the mind can only handle what the ass can stand would mean trans women would go back into the closet.

Granted, that’s a bit misrepresentative of trans women & trans people because trans people & cis women who can get pregnant do have a lot more in common. we take the same meds, go to the same clinics, menopause etc gets taken due to distress over how our bodies work, etc. then again, how would trans AMAB people have gotten the money for child support?

historically & still to this day we basically had to beg doctors for the ability to get hormones to get a surgery to get a gender marker change & so on, which granted, what we trans people had available to us varied from locale to locale because it required collaborations of trans people, doctors, and the local govts & especially their police stations. again, before roe v wade abortion providers were super underground & secretive & there were specialized units at police stations for hunting down patients & providers under the charge of “murder”. it’s the same dynamics.

seriously trans people & people with bodies that can get pregnant, menstruate, menopause, etc, we go to the same clinics! women’s health clinics take trans patients, planned parenthood takes trans patients, do i need to go any further on how trans people & feminists have the same interests regarding reproductive health?

—

as for political lesbianism:

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money before having sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (i’m not sure what the conditions were like surrounding not piv sex among the straights, and therefore what the likelihood of avoiding piv sex was. I do know that rape culture was much more heavily normalized than it is now.)

“Lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included: - ace, - celibate - bisexual - gay women. Part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married, (while this next statement could be incorrect because i did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, i think the vestiges of those economic pressures such as weddings are basically the gist of “comphet”.)

The goal of Political Lesbianism as well as Lesbian Separatism was to build an economy that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, such as that of marriage, pregnancy etc. In efforts to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

However these networks, (partly due to lacking radicalization) ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. It makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> “The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210]”

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youveneverbeenalone · 5 years

Text

Inktober for Writers/Fictober:

Day 30- Secret (Darejones)

Hello again, fam. Are you ready for the second to last installment of this project I took on a year ago and which took on a life of its own, but which has brought me such joy in the end? I think I am.

Today’s prompt, Secret, turned into one of my favorites. Maybe even my very favorite. It started as a crack idea that I barely started writing last year, but then I sat down and thought about it for a minute and realized ... I might be on to something. But then I took longer than I meant to in getting everything about it just right. I think it was worth it, though. I’m pretty proud of this one. I hope you like it.

Now, fair disclosure (and cw: sexual assault - not in the fic but in this paragraph): parts of what I write for Jessica are what I’d call ... autobiographically-adjacent. My story is different than hers in many ways (obviously) but there are still many similarities. That’s a big part of why I love her as a character so much and why I enjoy writing her. So occasionally I borrow inspiration from my own life and find a way to fit it into Jessica’s that will still make sense for her character and within her world. I try to do this with mostly little things. Details that the show never gets to or thinks to touch on. But I try not to do it with anything that would change the shape of her actual story. I never want to add something that doesn’t fit or seems out of character. Hopefully that’s not what’s happening here. Anyway, I may never have been experimented on and turned into a superhero, but I (like too many others) have been manipulated and experienced sexual violence against my will and one of the ways I chose to cope with that violation and reclaim my bodily autonomy was how Jessica chooses to in this one shot. So the idea didn’t just come from nowhere.

Anyway, this piece fits with the general timeline I was creating with the other Inktober for Writers oneshots from last year, right after they first get together. Like immediately after, in the morning.

To refresh your memory and/or to catch up, here are the preceding 29 days on AO3 (tumblr links are being fussy rn). Give me your thoughts if you’re so inclined. I’d enjoy hearing them if you’re interested in sharing. And again - thank you, with every fiber of my being for reading! You’re all the best!

Day 30 - Secret

When he happens to notice this new, secret bit of information about her is as much of a surprise as the discovery itself, because he is not typically one to miss such details, though he’ll chalk most of that up to the fact that the first time he was introduced to that patch of her skin, he was a little preoccupied. But when they’re getting up and around the next morning, he’s free of distractions as he happens upon it again.

It happens the morning after - after they spend the night together for the first time - when he offers to make her breakfast, having woken her gently with kisses, soft touches to her face, and general adoration that she pretends to despise but he can tell she actually loves. She grunts a begrudging affirmative, still groggy and very put out to be awake before 10 am, but gets up and puts on her underwear and t-shirt as he pulls on pajama pants and a t-shirt of his own. Next she finds her jeans and moves to step in them, but in her still half-asleep state, her foot catches in the fabric, and she starts to fall.

He’s behind her in seconds, pulling her up with one hand grabbing her hip and the other at her shoulder to steady her, a smirk on his face. But his expression immediately morphs into one of confusion.

“Wait, is that a tattoo?” The hand holding her hip now traces the skin slightly to the right of her left hip bone where a circular tattoo, about the size of a plum is inked into her skin.

She heaves a big sigh and fights a losing battle with a blush, rolling her head to angle away from him. “I was wondering if you were going to notice that.”

He chuckles softly. “Forgive me if my attention was diverted last night when I might have had the chance to notice it. I would hope my efforts were appreciated and that the oversight could be forgiven,” he says with a sly grin as he leans in and kisses her neck where she’s exposed it for him.

She shivers and he notices her pulse spike. The shiver seems like an indicator that she enjoyed the gesture, but he can’t quite parse if it’s the good kind of pulse spike or not as her adrenaline spikes as well. But then she turns in his hold so that they’re face-to-face, and he makes a mental note to avoid her neck from behind until they’ve had a conversation about it, just to be sure. She doesn’t seem too upset, though, and links her hands around his neck.

“I probably don’t want to know the answer to this question, but how can you tell?”

He settles his hands on her hips and shrugs. “It has to do with the … density of the skin in that area, for lack of a better word. I can feel the ink sitting in the dermis layer.”

“Yeah, that’s not creepy and simultaneously gross at all.”

He just smirks at her. “May I?”

“Fine,” she huffs.

With gentle, teasing fingers, he resumes his tracing of the outline of the shape with a quiet intensity. He pretends not to notice her sharp intake of breath or rapidly increasing pulse as he does. Instead, he narrates what he finds.

“So it’s a smiley face. But a … dead one? Like, with ex-ed out eyes?”

She huffs an exasperated sigh at him, but it sounds like she’s holding back a bit of a chuckle. “It’s the Nirvana logo, dumbass.”

Matt closes his eyes and inclines his head a few degrees, appropriately chagrined even if it’s not technically realistic for him to have known that. He wasn’t really a fan of grunge before the accident.

“Right. Sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.”

She bites her lip and rolls her eyes at him, still fighting a laugh. “I guess you’re forgiven.”

He puts a hand to his chest, voice feigning shock. “I’m touched by your magnanimity.”

At this, Jessica playfully punches him in the shoulder.

A beat passes as he begins re-tracing the outline of the shape on her soft skin, mesmerized by this new discovery. His voice is quiet when he finally works up the courage to ask the question that is suddenly burning a hole through the center of his brain.

“What made you decide to get it?”

She doesn’t seem to understand the sincerity of his interest and shrugs. “I don’t know. Why does any young idiot get a tattoo? I had just turned eighteen and was desperate to do anything that would prove my independence to any and everyone who would listen. Plus, I might have been a little drunk. And I, uhhh … nevermind.”

Matt cocks his head at the way that she begins to trail off, as though editing herself before sharing something too … well, he’s not quite sure what. But he has a suspicion.

“What?”

“Do you not know what ‘nevermind’ means?”

And the flinty edge that is now creeping into her tone does nothing to dissuade him of said suspicion. He runs a few contingencies in his head about how to proceed before making a calculated choice to respond with sarcasm.

“Oh, wait … I do know this one! It’s the name of a Nirvana album?”

“Cute,” she huffs with a halfhearted sneer of a smile. But it’s not too far off of the mark for what he was expecting in response, and it’s less of a shutdown than she could have given him, so he looks at the floor as he pushes her just a little harder.

“Thanks. But, it just seemed like you were thinking really hard about something before you changed your mind. And it just seemed like it was somewhat significant. Now, you don’t have to tell me; you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But you also don’t have to not tell me something just because it is significant. I don’t scare that easy, Jones. I’m Daredevil, remember?”

She shakes her head and scoffs at him. “I don’t — I mean, look, I just … ughhh. Fine. It’s just that … even though I wasn’t really consciously thinking it, looking back, it was something I wanted to do for myself. To myself. To show that even though those bastards at IGH had done whatever the fuck they’d done to me, my body was still mine and I got to decide my fate. Including choosing to get a shitty Nirvana tattoo on my hip.”

She’s deflated by the end - as though the disclosure took an inordinate amount of energy from her - posture sagging and looking down and away from him.

Matt blinks at her. “Wow, Jess. That is … surprisingly insightful. And it makes a lot of sense, actually. Thank you for telling me that. Truly.” He brings a gentle hand up to cup her face and lifts her chin, as if to make eye contact with her and emphasize his words.

“Yeah, well, congratulations. You know all my secrets now,” she says in a flat voice.

He struggles and fails to suppress a chuckle, because the idea strikes him as patently ridiculous. Someone as complex and complicated and intelligent and interesting as Jessica Jones is bound to have more secrets than a Nirvana tattoo. Surely.

“Somehow I doubt that,” he says in an arch tone.

But she doesn’t chuckle back or even huff a laugh under her breath at him. Instead she pushes hard against his chest, effectively breaking out of his hold, and smacks him in the arm with a surprising amount of force.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks, very confused at her sudden change in mood.

“That wasn’t supposed to be funny, asshole. But believe me, I’m thrilled to know this is just a big joke to you. That I’m a joke to you.” She storms off, out of his bedroom and into the living room.

Matt hurries after her, his mind reeling and anxiety coursing through his veins. He’s never made such a terrible miscalculation in how she’d respond to his sarcasm, but he supposes it was bound to happen eventually. He just wishes it wasn’t in response to such a fragile moment that he unintentionally stomped all over.

“No! Jess. Never. You’re the furthest thing from a joke to me. I swear. I-I’m sorry. You’re right. That was … very unfair of me. Please forgive me for being so flippant. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or invalidate what you were trying to share with me. I’m sorry.”

A quick scan reveals she’s not particularly moved by his words, standing still and silent, arms crossed tight over her chest, as she stares out of his apartment window into the distance.

He runs a nervous hand through his hair and walks a few cautious steps toward the next window over, but she gives no sign that she acknowledges him. Heaving a heavy sigh, he leans back against the brick wall in between the windows and looks down, addressing his feet as much as he’s addressing her.

“I just meant that there’s so much more to you, so much more than what you present to the world. And I see that. Just as I see why you keep it locked away. You’d be crazy not to. Or at least a glutton for punishment with no survival instinct. But you’re neither of those things. You’re beautifully complex and complicated and messy and I love you for it. For all of it. But please believe me when I say I’m not scared of it. I’m not scared of you or of any possible secret you may have. I meant it when I said you never have to tell me anything, but you always can if you want to or if you need someone to talk to. About whatever.”

She answers him in the form of a heavy sigh as she shifts her weight, leaning into her opposite hip. But she still says nothing, staring blankly out at the city below.

Matt sighs in frustration before making himself take a step back to reassess. He’s pretty sure she’s listening - if not, she would have just left. She had every opportunity to. And he’s seen her leave for much less in the past. So he can’t give up yet. Matt licks his lips as he tries his last remaining strategy, edging ever so carefully closer to her as he speaks.

“Not gonna argue - I totally deserve the silent treatment, but that’s gonna make today pretty miserable for me. So is there anything I could do to make it up to you? Or to show you how sorry I am? I mean, I was already going to make breakfast, but at this point, maybe you’d like it in bed?”

She still refuses to look at him, but she turns from looking out the window to looking down at the floor as she leans her left side against the brick wall in between the windows.

Matt considers this progress and continues edging toward her and offering suggestions for how he could pay his penance.

“Or maybe some old fashioned groveling would help?”

Jessica rolls her eyes at that, and Matt smirks at the fact that he seems to be winning her over, slowly but surely.

“Or maybe … I could get a matching tattoo?”

She bites her lip at that, no doubt to keep from smirking at him. But he’s not about to let her get away with that.

“Is that it? Oh, I think that’s it. But where do you think would be best? Here?”

He holds up his arm, flexing his bicep, and though she can’t help but look at him now, she’s doing her damnedest not to smile. But Matt is nothing if not persistent.

“Or maybe here?” he asks, gesturing with his left hand to his right shoulder blade as he turns around and pulls his t-shirt over his head.

Casually, he drops the shirt to the floor, and as it falls, Jessica’s pulse begins to rise. Matt turns back around to face her and edges one last step toward her, stopping just short of arms-length apart.

He slides a finger under the waistband of his pajama pants and lowers them just far enough to expose his own left hip. “Or what about here? Then we can really match.”

Finally losing the battle against her will, Jessica scoffs at him as a tiny smirk breaks across her scowling face. “Idiot,” she says, though with decidedly less acid in her voice than a few moments ago.

“But I’m your idiot,” he says, as he moves slowly back into her space, allowing her the chance to turn away. When she doesn’t, he settles his hands around her waist and leans his forehead forward to touch hers, ever so gently.

“You’d better be,” she huffs with an exaggerated pout. But then she softens, and he watches, perplexed and absolutely elated, as she curls into him, resting her head on his right shoulder and tracing mindless patterns over the planes of his chest.

A sun-bright grin starts to break across his face, but he turns and presses a soft kiss into her hair to keep it from blinding her. This is a rare display of vulnerability from her and he doesn’t want to spook her or ruin the moment. Instead he responds in a tone with which he assumes she’ll be more comfortable.

“The infamous Jessica Jones showing some amount of affection?! What will people say if they find out?”

She pushes back far enough to give him a look, but it lacks the full threat of which she is capable. “You better not go around ruining my image, Murdock. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

She leans back against his chest, one hand wrapped around his neck while the other settles over his heart, beating steadily - if a little more rapidly at her close proximity.

Matt wouldn’t be able to stifle the magnitude of his smile this time, even if he tried. So he doesn’t.

“Your secret’s safe with me, Jones. All of them.” His hand returns to her hip and ever so lightly traces the outline of her tattoo as he speaks. “I promise.”

A beat passes as the tension between them swells, and Matt listens as Jessica’s heart once again begins to race. And then she’s surging forward, pressing her lips to his, and wrapping her arms around him with a resolution that makes Matt’s blood sing. But not just in a physical way.

Because the way she is reaching for him now feels different. More sure. More comfortable. Like he’s passed some kind of a test, or made it through some trial and proved his worth. Like he’s earned another clue to help him solve puzzle that is Jessica Jones. He understands that as of this moment, he has been let into her world in a way that few (if any) ever have. And he vows never to betray the trust or the gift she has given him in sharing these secret parts of herself with him.

He pulls her in like a lifeline and kisses her right back, sure hands settling at the small of her back and the base of her throat like anchor points, holding her to him. In doing so, he hopes that he has successfully communicated his promise to her. And if the look she gives him as she takes his hand and turns back to his bedroom after they part for breath - chests heaving in tandem - is any indication, he’s guessing she’s got some idea.

—

By the time they actually make it to the kitchen to start working on breakfast, it’s closer to noon than to a respectable breakfast hour, but Matt can’t honestly say he minds. In fact, he thinks that by being with Jessica, he may come to develop a new appreciation for the existence of brunch.

————-

P.S. If anyone is curious (and because I enjoy showing it off) - here’s my version of reclaiming my bodily autonomy by getting a tea saucer sized tattoo between my shoulder blades. So totally worth it.

#inktober for writers #fictober #my fic #a prompt a day #darejones #mess #messica #matt murdock/jessica jones #matt x jessica #mattjess #matt murdock x jessica jones #jessica x matt

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pack-the-pack · 6 years

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Hey! I'm pretty new to the omegaverse and just had a question. What happens if an alpha bites/marks an omega against their will?

Harô there, anon. And welcome to the dumpster fire that is ABO lol. As for your question: Well, I think it depends on some factors. Let me explain. When an Alpha bites an Omega that is known as a claim mark. So as the name implies, by biting on an Omega’s scent glands what the Alpha is doing is claiming them as their Omega. Usually this is all fine and dandy, but since your question is not about those, here are the possibilities:

The Omega will be tied biologically to the Alpha for an undetermined ammount of time.

I say undetermined because that depends for how long the Alpha bit into their glands, if the Omega has or hasn’t been bitten before by another Alpha, Beta or Omega, and if the Omega is already mated or not. See, when an Alpha and an Omega bite each other what they’re doing is introducing a set of proteins to their mate’s body through their saliva. Which will in turn mingle with their own proteins/natural scent and signals to their brains that this is their mate. Their brain then signals to the pituitary gland that they must start producing a scent that incorporates this new protein as part of their own new scent. This is why one’s scent changes when they mate with one another.

What this does is making your body create a sort of “addiction” in this new protein your mate has. Thus, why one craves for their mate’s scent when in distress. One starts to see said scent as essential for their survival and well-being. When only one of the two people involved has said arrangement, that causes an imbalance in the power dynamics between the two. An Omega (or Alpha) that is bitten against their will, will be held captive of this unfortunate fate. Having their bodies depending on the other person’s scent and presence without having the reciprocity of the act.

The Omega (or Alpha/Beta) will feel incredibly insecure. They smell like the Alpha but the Alpha doesn’t smell like them. It is a sign of rejection. And for an Omega to be rejected by their mate is a serious detriment for their quality of life and mental state. Thus, why mating it is not taken lightly by people (at least in my verse). It is something that must be made with mutual understanding and consent, because it’s not just a bite mark on one’s neck. It is something that will interfere with the way your body responds to the world and the way your mind works on itself.

To bite someone (regardless of dynamics) unwillingly is a serious crime and carries terrible consequences. From more than 30 years in prison to life imprisonment. Some people in-universe would be even capable of arguing that mating is an immoral act on itself because of its intrusive nature (But that is an argument for another time).

Regardless of any factor previously mentioned at the beginning, I think that anyone that is bitten will be temporarily addicted to the perpetrator’s presence. Which doesn’t mean that they are enslaved to the thought or that they’ll live every minute of every hour only craving that. That’s not what I mean at all. It means that they’ll still be operating as their normal self, but deep down their body is calling for something else, something missing. Even more so whenever they are faced with a particularly devastating or challenging situation. But honestly speaking I think that this extreme dependence would not exist in 99% of mated couples and here’s why.

“Since mating works like a “drug dependency” One just craves more of it the more they become immune to its previous effect”.

The Ammount of bites one receives and how long they are attached DOES matter.

Much like smoking a cigarette once doesn’t make you a smoker, being bitten once by one person doesn’t make you chained to her forever. If I recall correctly I read in a fanfiction (Dirty Little Secret, I think), how forced biting could affect an Omega when done for extended periods of time. There the bites were inflicted on an unmarked, unmated, young and scared Omega through the period of several weeks. This created an addiction that permanently linked the Omega to the Alpha. When he was finally rescued, the bond was already made and reinforced so many times that even intense rehab and neglect of the substance didn’t really make it go away. His mind was no longer clouded by the excessive ammount of “substance” within his body that made him crave for the horrible Alpha that had done that to him and he had regained his autonomy in every way possible at principle. All except for his bodily one. At least not entirely.

That is because his circumstances were incredibly unfortunate and much easier to take advantage of. He had just recently presented, which made his body unbalanced with all the new changes, making it easier to temper with and to tarnish. He was not mated, which means he had not yet created a romantic association within his brain with another Alpha, Beta or Omega yet. In addition, he was unmarked, which ment his body had never been introduced to said procedure before. His body and mind were a blank canvas yet to be filled with various experiences and slowly develop into its own behaviour. However, this was stripped from him the moment someone pumped his veins full with unwarranted excessive amounts of Alpha juice.

The “solution”, was simply intense rehab and keeping the Omega away from said person as best as they could. But the damage had already been done, and he remained unmated. The fact that his body needed to be claimed again when in intense distress didn’t change. Thus, the only other Alpha in his life took upon himself and started to bite him instead whenever the Omega was in an intense state of depravation and emotional recklessness. This brought upon many problems. This not only didn’t fix the problem by simply replacing Alpha 1 for Alpha 2, it also made it that everytime the Alpha bit him to give him relief, he was only reinforcing the idea in the Omega’s mind that they were mates. Which they weren’t (at that point at the story at least). So there was no real “solution”. It ended up being a “the lesser of two evils” situation.

It’s also worth noting that this is an extreme case. The worse of all bad scenarios. In which there is no real solution other than replace one addiction for another. For most other people that pass through this and don’t fit these circumstances, the dependency is not as bad. It will vary in intensity from person to person depending on their age and when they presented, if they already have a lot of social links with other Alphas or not, if they are mated, if they were bitten before, etc. So I’m confident in saying that even if a person was bitten unwillingly by someone, through rehab, therapy and allowing their bodies to heal on their own and with the help of their significant others the effect is not permanent.

And after they are clean and the mark has completely vanish they will no longer be dependent of the perpetrator. There’s a catch though. Their scent will be permanently changed. Much like mated people don’t go back to their original scent entirely even after their own claim marks had vanished, a person that was unwillingly bitten won’t either. Their bodies already assimilated the substance as their own. And although it becomes weaker with time, it will never vanish entirely. Like a somber, invisible scar that they cannot get rid of.

The only way of doing so is having another person claim you again. Much like the previous example I gave, that will gradually “overwrite” the scent of the other Alpha. Your body will learn to crave something else and to produce something more effective than the previous “claimer” had given you. Something fresher and that makes you happier.

Treatments and living unmated but dependent.

I do think however that one can have a fulfilling life without having a need to mate or to be bitten ever again. Say that in your verse you din’t want the solution to be replacing A with B. Then fine, why not replace A with B to Z? I’m fairly certain that medical care could come up with either a donation system or a synthetic replacement. In the case of the latter, you’d have the addiction fulfilled without being dependent of a single person, becayse your body doesn’t even have time to create an addiction with the new Alpha before you introduce it to another one. And in the second you don’t even need and actual Alpha to fulfil said addiction. The synthetic can do it on it’s own. Obviously the outcome would depend on which one you’d respond better to. Nevertheless, the important thing to keep in mind is that, like this, this terrible incident would not mean one’s entire life would change because of it. They can still live peacefully with all their autonomy and with barely any meltdowns until they found someone go take the wheel. And if that person never came, they’d be fine too.

I think that as tragic as all of this sounds, it is not the end for anyone. One could still have options and you could still be happy. No claim mark in the world can keep that away from those who are willing to overcome such ugly realities and strive for a better future.

Holy fuck this was long >.> I’m sorry for rambling for so long. I hope I didn’t lost you half way through this mess. I also apologize if I got any biological fact wrong or if my writing is confusing. I was tired when I answered this. But I did my best to correct all the mistakes I could spot on a second read. I really hope this clarified all doubts you could have.

And remember this is just my verse, you can have this sort of thing happen however you want in your verse. There are no wrong interpretations. I did enjoy answering this though. So thank you very much for the ask ^^.

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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 5 years

Text

a good man goes to war

so, in lieu of doing a big long multi-paragraph essay about what was good and bad about “A Good Man Goes To War” I’m just going to bullet point it.

I have....a Lot of thoughts about this episode

the good:

The Last Centurion “I have a message and a question”. The framing of all of this was spectacular. Also, who knows what with the rebooting of the universe, but I’d love it if the Last Centurion was still a legend. I think Amy implies that he still is, which...frankly doesn’t make sense, but Hey! Moffat. Nothing’s going to make sense so I’ll take the fun stuff.

Rory the Roman in general is pretty cool. I mean, I love Rory. Also, now I’m thinking that he’s the one who taught Amy to use swords, since she seems to know what she’s doing in the pirate episode? Unless she was just taking fencing on her own who knows. (i love the headcanon that Rory worshiped/still prays to Fortuna occasionally)

Madam Vastra and Jenny! they might not be as well written as they should be in later episodes, but this introduction to them is fab

“A Sontaran nurse?” God. THAT is great. to be on a field of battle but unable to participate? I can unreservedly say that’s brilliant. Strax is great, like even his bedside manner is good but also keeping in character with a Sontaran soldier?

The light in River’s eyes when she tells her pops it’s her birthday, before she knows it’s Demon’s Run. She’s just!!! A kid!! excited to see her parent!!! not that we know that, of course, but still. This is one of those episodes where Alex Kingston’s talent really shines through.

sidenote: this is one of the few (only?) River episodes I can think of that didn’t revolve around her romantic relationship with the Doctor, and frames her more with Rory and Amy, which is fantastic. You can tell she’s remembering all those times she cried for her mummy and daddy and all she had was Kovarian but now she gets her parents and it’s. Good but awful.

and then the way her face falls when Rory says “they’ve taken Amy and our baby” like!! That’s her mom and River knows what comes next, her fucking terrible childhood and she just maybe wants her dad now?

“this is the day he finds out who I am” which is why River can’t be there til the end...I’m assuming this is because Moffat is finally observing the basic rules of not interacting with your own time stream (a rule which apparently doesn't apply to Amy?)

the prayer leaf is lovely

“don’t slump, it’s bad for your spine,” Says the Sontaran nurse, whilst holding a gun on you. bless

“good men have no rules. this is not the day to find out why i have so many.” this is a much more sinister version of the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, who says that since he hasn’t a heart he must take care to never harm anything or hurt anyone because he wouldn’t feel remorse. I do like this. The Doctor isn’t always Good. The Doctor sometimes has to try very hard to be good, and I’m all right with that

Rory and Amy crying at each other. Nurse Rory checking his daughter to make sure she’s okay

(”let the others die first” is funny, very Amy, and seems like a believable response to everything Amy’s been through)

Honestly....the caliber of acting in this episode is off the charts, particularly in the last ten minutes and specifically with Karen and Arthur. Amy and Rory’s devastation and then numbness is just heartbreaking. And the way they’re almost disgusted with the Doctor--he told them to trust him, and look what happened

The moment with Rory and Strax is just great. Honestly, this episode has a lot of good emotionally-vulnerable-but-not-letting-it-slow-him-down moments for Rory

this is one of the first times the Doctor says he’s so sorry, and you can tell--you can just tell that for Amy, sorry isn’t enough

the bad:

the slightly ambiguous opening where you’re like “ohhhhhh DAMN the baby is the Doctor’s” like. that’s unnecessary.

the headless monks--mostly just the forced volunteering of personnel to join a religious order. paired with the rampant loss of bodily autonomy in this collection of episodes, a gay man being forced into religious reconditioning and bodily harm is...not great. might not be as noticeable in a different context but in this episode? yeah. not good

“the Doctor’s darkest hour” ok so....Moffat just really ignores the Waters of Mars. I remember him downplaying Ten’s struggles in the 50th as well. Am I arguing that this is not a truly terrible moment for the Doctor? No. But he’s not threatening to become the literal worst version of himself by making himself a god, so.

“this is the day he finds out who I am” also goes here because...did he know who she was when he took her ice skating earlier? I get so confused about when the Doctor knows things and how River knows if he knows and if they know that’s great, but I, as a viewer, would also like to know

the headless monks have robes and laser swords so...they’re sith. they’re literally just headless Sith Lords

this is, I think, the first time we’ve seen the Doctor this cruel to his enemies? We’ve seen hints of it, certainly, with Ten and Harriet Jones and Ten and the spider star lady, but this is, as i’ve said before, a different temperature. Where Ten’s anger was fire, Eleven’s is ice

Amy and Rory haven’t see each other in almost a year....let them hug

ok so...I remember when Martha was cloned, and the clone smelled bad? and the the Doctor smells Melody and Amy...you’d think something like that would. you know, mean something.

ok, props to the show for reminding us that the Time Lords only became such after millions of years of exposure to the untempered schism, and Madam Vastra brings up good points about how that would affect humans during conception, but like...it’s still a bit eh. Melody being conceived next to the Time Vortex suddenly makes her a Time Lord, or at least mostly-Gallifreyan? Okay, then, so Rose, in swallowing the Time Vortex, is definitely capable of regeneration and Idris might have been if her body had survived. Thanks for the new canon, Moff!

I’d honestly buy Melody being a Time Baby if she’d developed in utero on the TARDIS. More exposure to the vortex. But the implication is basically that they waited for Amy to get pregnant and then immediately kidnapped her. Which also means they were scanning her, waiting for her to get pregnant. Gross.

the moment the Doctor looks at River, realizing who she is is wonderful, it’s heartwarming, but it’s also, for me, undermined by the fact that he’s not just...happy to meet his best friends child, but that she’s his sort-of-girlfriend?

the absolutely appalling:

Amy is a literal hostage of a group of people who literally just wanted her for her babymaking abilities

repeated use of “guys” by a military commander addressing his troops

The Doctor not remembering Lorna. Bullshit. I suppose this could feed into a greater narrative about how unconcerned the Doctor is with Little People, idk, but it seems fairly out of tune for the Doctor as a whole

The Doctor’s reaction to finding out Melody is River is, to me, weird. Like, when you find out you’ve been dating/making out/??? with your best friend’s kid, wouldn’t that give you pause? For just a moment?

“I know where to find your daughter, and on my life she will be safe.” Unless he’s talking about adult River in the Stormcage, this makes me incredibly angry. because the next thing we find out is that the Doctor didn’t find her, didn’t make sure she was safe because she was being brainwashed into a child assassin. Again, like with Ganger!Amy, if he knew but didn’t do anything, that’s not okay. that’s worse.

River says he finds her and keeps her safe but....when? I mean, isn’t the ideal time for that before she tries to kill you and gets jailed for it????

he then just leaves his incredibly traumatized best friend all alone in the place she was held hostage, leaving her grown daughter to explain that she’s Amy’s baby....jerk move

also, he supposedly leaves to find River, doesn’t reach out to Amy and Rory, and still doesn’t find River. You can talk, if you want, about how he can’t change his past or River’s past or timelines or what-have-you, except that this is the Doctor and these are his friends, and the only reason Amy and Rory don’t get to raise her is so that she can wind up dating and marrying the Doctor and maybe it’s somehow less weird if he’s not in her life when she’s a child?

There’s really no reason for the Doctor to not be able to rescue River

Except, of course, the idea that what makes a female character “strong” is how much you can make them suffer and still live, I suppose

the surprisingly great:

when River is dressing down the Doctor about what he does, about how he instills fear in people and then those people banded together and kidnapped a child that they’d turn into a weapon just to defeat him, I had the unexpected reaction of DRAG HIM BABE.

because the Doctor only knowing what he knows, he’s right to be angry at this person who he asked for help and who did not give it

but River is also very much in the right since she was kidnapped, brainwashed, probably emotionally abused because people were afraid of him and wanted to kill him. She’s right because he promises her parent’s that she’ll be fine, and yet. And yet she still goes through all of that. She still misses out on being raised in a loving home, surrounded by people who care for her

so yeah

DRAG HIS ASS, RIVER

the music. not surprising, but still fantastic. River’s theme is beautiful and haunting and still my fave

#dw rw #rant #anti moffat #doctor who #i am MAD #also: once again typos while on muscle relaxer

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