#i have exactly Two posts left in the queue

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when the art block hitteth

#it hitteth HARD #its worse when its the type of art block where #not only do you Not Have Ideas but Nothing You Attempt Looks Right #and scribbling feels Awkward and Unpleasant #i have exactly Two posts left in the queue #its been an honor drawing for yall🫡 #if youll excuse me im going to go Scream At The Sky #I KNEW I HAD IT TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG. IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME #wait but perhaps... perhaps this means ill be able to write now #am i experiencing another trade-off #i would Like to write #but then again i like scribbling more. id rather draw #looks like i dont have a mcfuckin choice tho!!! ahaha this is fine!!! #absolutely unprompted #i felt it creeping up last night but i refused to acknowledge it #well Now Its Here and its Very Unpleasant #howling wailing baying at the moon etc etc #im so mad rn. all i want is to doodle #maybe... maybe ill write something Original for once. #or write for my flight rising dragons. who knows #gonna go watch spiderverse and we'll see if that knocks anything loose in my brain

[thetriumphantpanda]

Delicate - Chapter Two: Maroon

3.7k / pairing: joel miller x f!reader

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

summary: despite some last minute reservations about meeting Joel, you throw yourself into the date, but it doesn't go according to plan.

A/N: Ahhhhh oh my God - @hellishjoel and I are so excited to bring you the second chapter of Delicate! We're having the best time with this little pairing already and we hope they manage to worm their way into your hearts just like they have with us! We're taking turns in posting the chapters of this - so please make sure you're following both of us to keep up to date!

warnings: mentions of being a single parents, rom-com vibes, foul language, a bestie who is nothing but trouble, Joel being terrible at dating in general, a lil smattering of angst, mentions of food & alcohol consumption.

There’s a flow of peace that settles across you when the door to Noah’s room clicks shut. You love him, he’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and he keeps you afloat every day, but these moments, when he’s finally asleep and you can stop thinking for a minute, are the moments you crave each day. 

You settle down on the couch, mug of tea in hand, with the TV playing quietly, just for background noise more than anything, as you pick up your phone for the first time that evening. There’s a few emails, mainly about shopping sales and holidays that you think you should book but never do - those are quickly deleted to stop any temptation of spending money on something that isn’t essential. There are a few messages from your mom, just confirming that she’ll pick Noah up from school tomorrow, what she’s planned for them to do and what she’ll feed him. You shoot a message off in reply that it all sounds good and that he’s excited for some quality time with his grandparents, because it’s true, and then you set your phone down on the coffee table and try to ignore it for a while. 

You finish your tea and queue up a few episodes of a show you’ve been meaning to catch up on - something mindless that people at work always seem to talk about. So mindless that it actually sends you to sleep. You wake with a jolt a few hours later. The house is still quiet, which means Noah hasn’t decided he’s still got too much energy and needs to burn it off by jumping on the bed or pulling some of his toys out. You sigh, checking the time to see it’s almost midnight. 

You gather your stuff, put the mug in the sink to deal with in the morning before trudging up to bed. There’s a moment at the top of the stairs, where you think it would be so easy to flop down on the bed and forgo the rest of your responsibilities, but you’ve got your mother’s voice in the back of your mind, something about wrinkles and pores and how bad it is to sleep in your makeup, so you turn left into the bathroom, cover your skin in serums and creams and then finally, just after midnight, you fall into bed. 

Knowing it’s bad to look at your phone this late at night, once you’ve set your alarm, you click open the godforsaken Hinge app that Dixie had insisted on setting you up on. So far, after six months, you’d been on a fair few first dates, three second dates and had a God awful one night stand, but nothing had been sticking, no-one seemed to be exactly what you were looking for. You’d promised her that you’d try though, so as had become a nightly ritual for you, you set about giving away your daily likes, not really paying a huge amount of attention until he pops up for you. Joel. 45. From his first profile picture, the exact kind of man you’d been searching for. Rugged, handsome, 

Of the few photos he had on his profile, he was often donning a flannel or a simple short-sleeved shirt that curved around his biceps and broad shoulders. He always wore the same tilted smile, with dazzling eyes and dark hair with licks of silver. He was a handsome lumberjack of sorts. 

He looked to be an outdoorsman, at least two of Joel’s pictures were of him hiking a trail accompanied by a young girl, surrounded by greenery and tall rocks with the sunshine peeking through the branches. His face was glowing and tan from the light, his handsomeness so natural. Beautiful, even. 

Joel’s “Typical Sunday” consisted of a black coffee in the morning, followed by making burgers on the grill for him and his family before settling down to watch a Dallas Cowboys football game. That was a typical Sunday for a man, but it showed how he liked to unwind and that he was a family man. 

First, the mention of a family, plus that beautiful young woman in almost all of Joel’s pictures - a daughter, perhaps? Older than your own boy by quite a few years. He must have been on the younger side of having children if any of these assumptions were even correct. But there was something about knowing he also had a baby to be thinking of felt familiar, comforting, as they would always come first. 

 And it turns out that talking to him is pretty easy too. He’s charming, a slight insomniac like you, and from what you can tell from the slight back and forth you managed to have before you go to sleep, able to flirt a little with you too. It’s why when he asks to take you out you say yes without hesitation, it could be fun, he could be the one, who knows? 

Mornings are always chaos. Half-eaten bowls of cereal on the table, a mug of coffee made with the best of intentions but sat to go cold, a rush of getting Noah dressed and in the car with everything he needed for school and then the annoyance of getting stuck in traffic on the way to drop him off, all coalesce to make you stressed as you help Noah out of the backseat. 

“Remember granny is picking you up this afternoon okay?” You ask, bending down to kiss his cheek as he fiddles with the straps of his backpack. 

“I know, mom.” He groans, using the back of his hand to wipe the kiss off his cheek. 

You smile, ruffle his hair a bit, because no matter how much he might protest, he will always be your baby, “Behave for her, okay?” You warn lightly with a smile, “She’ll bring you back home tomorrow.” 

Noah spots some of his friends across the playground and steps around you to make his way into school. You turn, hold your hand up in a wave and shout at him to have a good day. Noah turns, walking backwards to look at you, waving right back. 

“Have a good day, mom!” 

Underneath the way he’s growing up, he’s still the sweet little boy you knew you could raise on your own. You sit back in your car, picking your phone up to make sure you’ve got enough time to go to the store and stock up on some groceries, when you notice a notification from Hinge. It’s Joel. 

Just checking you’re still okay for tonight? 

For some reason, you sit and stare at it for a few minutes, fingers itching to type something, to confirm, but there’s that usual seed of doubt that appears after all this time that makes you want to tell him something’s come up, you’ll have to reschedule. After months and months of trying to find someone, to failed first date after failed first date, you wonder if it really is worth it, no matter how good of a match Joel Miller seems on paper. Is he really going to be worth getting dressed up for? You sigh, type out your usual message of I’m sorry, I think I might have to reschedule, when the screen is filled with the face of your best friend, trying to call you. 

“Hello?” 

“Hello sexy mama!” Dixie’s voice immediately soothes you, “How are you this fine morning?” 

“I’m okay,” You speak softly, plugging the phone into the car so you can speak to her as you drive, “Just dropped Noah off at school.” 

“How is my favourite man?” She asks. 

“Yeah, he’s good, he’s staying with my mom tonight so I think he’s just pleased to be away from me for a while.” 

“It’s like the universe read my mind!” Dixie exclaims on the other end of the phone, “Do you want to go out and get wine drunk tonight?” 

You stutter for a second, because you could, you could cancel with Joel, go out and drink cheap wine and dance with your friend, but before you can say anything, Dixie picks up on your hesitation. 

“OH MY GOD!” She all but screeches, “Do you have a hot date tonight?!” 

You grumble a little, because how is she always so attuned to you like this? 

“Yeah, although I don’t know if I’m gonna go.” 

“Why not?” 

You sigh again, “I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore?” You offer. 

“Girl, get outta here with that attitude!” She chastises, “Is he hot?” 

You grumble a little again, but you can’t deny it, Joel is hot, “Yes.” 

“Well then,” You can hear her clap her hands in the background, clearly having you on speaker so she can go about her business, “If he’s hot, then there’s no harm in it, forget me and my wine, go out, drink wine with your hot mystery stranger and get fucked, girl!” 

“Dixie!” You screech, “I’m not fucking him.” 

“Whatever you say, girl!” She shouts down the phone, “If you cancel, I’m kicking your ass, okay?” You sigh, once again, something you’re getting more and more used to these days, “Have fun and be safe!” 

And then all you can hear is the dial tone from where she’s hung up on you. You think about it all the way around the grocery store, she wouldn’t know if you did cancel, would she? But you’ve known her long enough to know she’d sniff a lie out of you in seconds. So, when you settle down at your desk, you pull out your phone and send Joel a reply to confirm the plans you made last night, and then spend the rest of the work day trying not to work yourself up about the whole thing. 

You don’t think that the anxiety of waiting for a date to show up will ever get easier. Stood just inside the doorway of the restaurant Joel had chosen, you’re chewing at the skin around your thumbnail. Did you dress right? Do you look okay? When he turns up will he look like his pictures or not? Will he lean in for a kiss on the cheek? Do you give him a hug? You’d like to think of yourself as a seasoned pro at this now, but those first few awkward moments always made you anxious - there was no second chance at first impressions. 

You needn’t have worried about Joel though. When the door opens and he stands in front of you, he is exactly the man you’d studied on that app. Taller than you, broad and big. Scruff, peppered with gray across his face, though it’s neatly kept, just like this hair, although more unruly, it’s still peppered with grays and it suits him. He’s wearing dark jeans, and a flannel that you think must be saved for best. You step closer, open your arms. Joel leans down, and does indeed press a kiss to your cheek, one of his wide palms pressed lightly on your lower back as he hugs you back a little. 

“Nice to meet you, Joel.” You smile when he pulls away. 

“You too, ma’am.” He smiles back at you, and you can tell he’s nervous. 

“What have I told you about that?” You tease as you step towards the hostess, Joel giving her his name, you hope the slight teasing will put him at ease, you remember just what it was like when you started dating for the first time, and as much as you want to have a good time, you want to make sure Joel is having a good time too. 

She picks up two menus, leads the two of you to a table at the edge of the restaurant. Joel pulls your chair out for you, pushing it gently under you as you sit down. The light is low, and there’s a thrum of chatter across the whole restaurant as you open the menu, glancing your eyes over the choices. 

“Do you want to share a bottle of wine?” You ask, finger skimming the list of wines available. 

Joel nods, “Sure thing, darlin’.” 

You smile, looking down at the menu, deciding you much prefer darling to ma’am, especially in that sweet southern drawl of his. When the waitress returns, you both order food and a bottle of wine, which is quickly brought to the table, uncorked, with the dark red liquid poured into two glasses. The waitress leaves the bottle on the table as you raise your glass, Joel following suit, clinking them together before you take a sip. 

You’re watching as he does the same, a smaller sip than you, and then watch as his nose crinkles and he coughs a little. It makes you laugh, putting your glass down to cover your mouth a little. 

“Dunno why I said yes,” He shakes his head, “Fuckin’ hate wine.” 

You can’t help but properly laugh now, hoping that it puts him a little at ease. You reach over the table, lay your hand on his wrist just a touch, “What would you prefer to drink?” 

You don’t miss the way he subtly drags his wrist back from your touch, covering it by scratching at the skin on the side of his hand, but you don’t let it bother you. You’re a touchy person, it’s what makes you feel at ease mostly, but that doesn’t mean it works for Joel, so you fold your hands back in your lap. 

“Usually beer,” He mumbles, flagging down the waitress as she walks past to ask for just that, “Or whiskey.” 

“I don’t mind a beer,” You offer, trying to make light conversation, “But whiskey makes my throat burn.” 

He doesn’t offer much of a reply apart from a short hum from his mouth, his attention moving from you to the room around you, letting the table fall into silence. You look down at your lap, trying to think of things to say whilst you wait for your food. 

“So, Sarah, right?” You ask after his daughter, it’s something the two of you have in common at least, “You must be super proud of her, medical school is incredible.” 

“Yeah,” He says simply, “She’s a very smart girl.” 

You expect him to ask after Noah, ask him a little about what he’s like, maybe what his favourite subjects are at school or whether he’s in any sports clubs or anything, but he doesn’t offer anything else to you, doesn’t ask any questions. 

There’s a lull in the conversation, saved by the waitress dropping your meals in front of you, fresh tomato pasta with chicken for you and steak and mashed potatoes with asparagus for Joel. You swirl your fork through the pasta, scooping some into your mouth as Joel cuts into his steak. Your eyes are trained on him, watching how he eats - it’s one of your big tests, table manners, and to be fair to him, he passes with flying colours - sure he eats a bit fast, but it’s nothing off-putting, and he seems to be able to use a knife and fork properly and chew with his mouth closed, which is a far cry from the last person you’d been out with. 

“You look really good tonight,” You offer, setting your fork down for a moment, “The flannel is very Texas.” 

You think in the dim light you can see him flush a little, and you’ve not said anything that isn’t true, he does look good. Fucking great actually. Joel finishes swallowing, takes a swig of his beer. 

“Thank you,” He tips his head towards you, “You look nice too,” He brings his hand up to his face to motion, “Rosy cheeks.” 

You try not to let your disappointment show, it is a compliment after all, so you put all your focus back down into your meal, the two of you finishing your food in a rather awkward silence - you willing Joel to ask you something, to start a conversation, anything really. You watch as Joel pushes the asparagus around his plate after eating two of the spears, finishing off his steak and potatoes but leaving the rest of the greens. 

When the waitress comes back to clear your plates, she asks if you’d like the dessert menu. You look to Joel, who tips his head in a way to say it’s up to you, but this has quite possibly been the most excruciating few hours of your life, so you drain your glass of wine, tip the last of the bottle into the glass and sit to wait for the bill. 

“Listen,” Joel starts, dragging your attention from the bottom of your glass to him, a look of slight regret on his face, “I ain’t too good at all this,” He tries to explain, “It’s been a long time and I’m a little rusty.” 

You kind of want to wring his ass for it a little, but underneath his apparent disinterest, you can still see the nerves of the guy who first walked through the door, and you get it, you think you’d been similar when you first started dating again, but you don’t think you’d completely lost the ability to think of a single question. 

Joel insists on paying the bill and you don’t fight him for the privilege of splitting it - you think it might upset some of that southern chivalry he has and for someone else they’ll love that. It’s a silent affair as you both stand up, gather your things. 

“How are you getting home?” Joel asks, holding the front door open for you. 

“I can just grab a cab,” You smile, “How about you?” 

He points to a truck, “Only had one so I can drive home,” He explains, “Do you mind if I wait with you for your cab?” He asks, “I’d feel better knowing you get in one safe.” 

“Of course,” You smile, “The hostess called one for me, so it shouldn’t be long.” 

There’s another lull in conversation, thankfully your cab arrives quickly, saving the silence from falling into awkwardness again. Joel beats you to the door, opening it for you. 

“I would say it’s been nice meeting you,” He speaks, “But I feel like I made this real difficult, and I’m sorry for that.” 

Going to step into the cab, you stop, leaning down to put your bag in the back seat, pausing a little before you turn back around to him, meeting his eyes. They’re striking, dark brown and beautiful, and trying to tell you just how much he knows he’s messed up. It makes your heart sink because you feel that sadness too, knowing he had so much promise, that he understood you in a way you thought other people didn’t, without even needing to talk to you, he’s a single parent, he gets it, like other people don’t. It frustrates you, makes your breath catch in your throat and your eyes glass over. 

You bring a comforting hand to his shoulder, “It’s okay,” You add a smile at the end, “It takes some time to get used to this all again, I was the same,” You look down at your shoes,  “It’ll get easier each time you do it, I promise.” 

His head dips, regret flashed across his face, like he wishes he could go back and do it all over but better this time. 

“M’sorry, again,” His tone is low, morose even, then he dips, presses a soft kiss to your cheek, “Get home safe.” 

You flop down on your bed, hand running over your face, wondering at what point it had gone wrong. He’d had so much potential, had seemed like he could be so right for you, so what went wrong? 

No sooner have you sent the ‘home safe’ message to Dixie, do you feel the soft vibrating of your phone. You answer, put the phone on loudspeaker and set it by your head. 

“So, how did it go?” 

You groan, “He had so much potential Dix,” You let out a pained noise, “I don’t know where it went wrong?!” 

“Oh honey,” She coos down the phone, aware more than anyone how much you wanted to be done with dating and finally have someone you could spend time with, “What happened?” 

“I don’t even know!” You exclaim, “Like, I could tell he was nervous, and this was his first date in years, but it was like he’d never spoken to a woman in his life, it was so hard!” 

You can hear her sucking on her teeth on the other end of the phone, “Are you being too hard on him?” She asks, “You always say the cocky men are no good because they’re rehearsed, maybe he just needs time to warm up?” 

“Dixie, I’d need a flamethrower to warm him up!” 

That gets a giggle out of her, “Mama, listen to me,” She goes into serious mode now, “Not everyone is as seasoned as you at this, and if this was his first date in years and he comes face to face with you? Of course he’s going to be nervous, you can’t write him off just for that honey.” 

That’s when your truth really hits out, “But what if I spend all that time warming him up and it’s a waste of time? He could turn out to be no good for me and then I’ve wasted so much time instead of trying to find the right person.” 

“Honey, respectfully, you’re forty, not at the end of your life, I promise that maybe spending some time trying to unravel someone a little instead of writing them off immediately might actually be worth it.” 

“I don’t know, Dix…” You trail off. 

“Just sleep on it, okay?” She offers, “See how you feel when you wake up before you send him the ‘thanks but no thanks’ message.” 

“Okay, I promise.” 

The two of your say goodbye to each other, you stay led on the bed for a while before you push yourself up, plug your phone into the charger, noticing the notification from Hinge when your screen lights up. You can see it’s Joel’s name that sits on the front screen. You sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed, weighing up whether to read it or not. Deciding that if you do read it, you’re likely to make a decision against what Dixie told you, so you leave the notification sitting there, get yourself ready for bed and then will yourself to sleep without going over every second of the date wondering what you could have done differently.

#Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #Joel Miller #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller fanfiction #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller fluff #Joel Miller angst #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fic #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou smut #that last of us smut #Pedro pascal #Joel Miller Pedro pascal #Joel Miller tlou #Joel the last of us #joel miller the last of us #Joel tlou

[honeygrahambitch]

Will grabbed a bottle of soy sauce and two ginger roots like Hannibal had asked him and lined up in the queue.

He had to go to the asian store to grab some emergency items which Hannibal needed urgently for dinner so of course he had asked Will to get them. He would have gone himself but he needed to take care of the rest of the food which was still cooking.

Will was not thrilled by the idea. They had been busy with a nasty murder last night and he thought he would be able to sleep during the whole afternoon. But those plans had been shattered when Hannibal had walked into the doorframe of their bedroom with a serious look on his face.

Will had been worried at first but the sentence which came next made him lift an eyebrow.

"I am in urgent need of soy sauce and ginger, Will."

So that was the reason why he was now waiting in the queue. There was just one cash register and she was quite slow.

Two young girls were sitting in line in front of Will, gossiping about "some hot dude at school". He was cranky anyway, the loud chatter and giggles only pissed him off more.

"No, no, no, he doesn't have a girlfriend. He is flirting with the whole school. Especially with the freshmen." One of them said and laughed loudly.

"I'm pretty sure he has. He posted a picture of himself and a pretty girl. Older than us though." The other one replied skeptically.

"Oh, shut up, Beverly, don't ruin my day!"

Will could not hear the rest of the conversation. His mind went blank as soon as he heard the name.

Her severed body flashed before his eyes and then their last conversation. He had replayed it in his mind for many times. It was the crime Hannibal had commited but her blood was not on his hands. It was on Will's.

"Sir?"

He had zoned out so deeply that he didn't realize he was right in front of the cashier. He mechanically paid for everything and left the store.

As soon as he got outside, his mind went back to the crime scene. To him, it had been one of the worst crimes Hannibal had ever committed. Right next to Abigail's. He had taken a good friend away from him.

She had been the only one ready to risk her job and life in order to look for evidence for him. Because he had kept pushing her. He had insisted and insisted until he had killed her. He felt something between rage and deep sadness towards Hannibal, but he felt even more rage towards himself. He shouldn't have let her get that close.

And for what? Her death had been in vain. He and Hannibal were almost engaged at that point. All the struggles to catch him had been reduced to nothing. Will felt like the biggest hypocrite. He ended up exactly like him. Beverly would have been disgusted if she knew what she had risked everything for.

"Will? Is everything alright?"

He had dissociated on the whole way home and didn't even greet Hannibal when he came in. He just left the paper bag on the kitchen counter and then he walked straight towards their bedroom.

"Will?" Hannibal insisted and followed him.

Will didn't even notice his attempts. It felt as if the floor was simply pulling him in as the walls of the room kept spinning. He hadn't thought about Beverly in a few years now. He had repressed everything so deeply that it felt as if a train had hit him.

He came back to his senses when he felt Hannibal's thumb on his cheek, wiping away a tear which escaped from his eye.

"It seems like you entered some dark rooms." Hannibal said referring to his mind palace.

Will nodded shortly as more tears ran down his face.

And in a matter of a second, the rage, the blame, the guilt, the sadness and the regret were replaced by something else.

He missed her.

She had been his friend and he was missing her. The adrenaline rushed so fast to his veins that he had to allow himself to sit on the floor, followed by Hannibal.

"I miss her" was all he said before he couldn't speak anymore and broke down in tears.

Hannibal wrapped his arms around him, as gently as possible, grateful that he did not push him away this time. Will pressed his face against his chest to muffle his sobs and look for some sort of comfort. Peculiar, to seek peace in the arms of the one who had caused you pain. Even more peculiar, to be able to admit that he loved him more than his own life.

Hannibal tried to figure out who he was talking about. Abigail? Hopefully not Molly, God. Alana? Even worse if it was the case. He doubted it was Abigail, he would usually get pretty cold towards him when it came to Abigail.

The Will he was holding now in his arms needed physical touch. Needed to consolation. Needed sweet words.

However, one thing was certain. He was the reason for Will's pain. It was certainly someone he had taken away from him that he was grieving now. If he could, he would bring back to life anyone, only to sooth his pain.

"I am so sorry." He had said as one of his hands ruffled his dark curls.

In reply Will sobbed even harder to the point where Hannibal wondered if he could breath properly.

Will kept crying in his arms until there were no more tears left. Until he could not feel a thing anymore. Not towards Beverly's death, not towards Hannibal and nor towards himself. He felt as cold as he would usually feel when he would take away someone's life.

He lifted his head and for a few seconds he and Hannibal looked at each other. In contrast to his, Hannibal's eyes were full of emotion. He wanted to help, to make it a bit better.

Will simply got up, turned his back to him and left the room, letting him on the floor alone with his regrets and apologies.

#i know this starts funny #and i know it ends miserably #but heyyy you missed an angsty fic right #hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal series #hannibal fanfiction

[sequinsmile-x]

hi, idk if you’re taking requests rn, but thomas gibson’s new post has got me thinking of hotchniss on vacation, and i can’t help but think of emily taking photos of hotch like that (and the feral thoughts she’d have bc let’s be real, we know she’d have those too 😭)

hiiii bestie <3

Well, I ended up getting a few requests like this...so here we are. It naturally turned into smut (as it should have I mean...LOOK at those photos of TG.)

I hope you enjoy this!

-x-

Emily and Aaron go to the beach.

Based on the photos Thomas Gibson posted of him with a surfboard, sending the fandom feral.

-x-

Warnings: Smut, 18+

Words: 3.1k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

The last time they’d gone on vacation just the two of them was on their honeymoon.

Emily liked to joke that didn’t even count since she’d been four months pregnant at the time. The baby that ended up being their son, Oscar, making her nauseous enough on some days that she’d barely been able to leave their suite for entirely different reasons to why she’d hoped they’d stay cooped up inside. 

Ever since then, any trips they took were done as a family, precious time together that all of them she looked back on with a smile. Hours in queues at DisneyWorld that seemed endless at the time, or the hot sun beating down on them at family-friendly resorts as she made sure Oscar and Jack kept their hats on to protect them from it, that she never thought she’d look back on fondly. 

It was Aaron who suggested they go somewhere without the boys for a long weekend, some much-needed time just the two of them. Something that was difficult to find in amongst Emily’s job, the boy’s different activities and the classes Aaron taught at the academy. She hadn’t hesitated for a second when she agreed, finding that she missed her husband even though he was right there next to her. 

Jack had encouraged it, the 18-year-old happy to look after his younger brother for the weekend. If he was any other kid, if he wasn’t half Aaron, Emily would have been worried at the prospect of leaving them without any other supervision. The teenager was beyond sensible, to the point where Emily had, more than once, tried to convince him to break the rules. A glint in her eyes that matched her smile as she told him it would be okay to break curfew just once. 

She knew they’d have the opposite issue with Oscar. That while he looked exactly like Aaron, the 11-year-old almost his father’s twin in comparison to photos of him at the same age, he was all her. His wildness ran deep, set free by the lack of expectations that had partially dampened it in her when she was young. It sometimes felt like she was looking at what she could have been like if her childhood had been different, if she’d known she was loved. Something her boys had never had to doubt. 

“Shall we head to the beach?” 

She smiles as she looks up at her husband, the sight of him so relaxed causing her belly to flip. His black t-shirt and swim shorts make him look a little younger despite the salt and pepper flecks throughout his floppy hair and the beard he was letting grow just for her, his razor left on the bathroom counter at home upon her insistence. 

She stands up from the couch she’d settled on and wraps her arms around him, settling into his embrace as he pulls her closer, stamping a kiss against her lips. She smiles as she pulls back, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as her hand sneaks under the neckline of his t-shirt, her warm fingers against his skin making him shiver, his grip around her waist tightening. 

“Or…we could just stay here,” she suggests, leaning forward and kissing him again, “Make the most of our time alone.”

He chuckles, his hand shifting from her waist to her lower back, smiling as she arches towards him, “You’re insatiable.” 

Their sex life had always been healthy, the years that they’d been together doing nothing to diminish it, nothing to make the fire between them flicker out into a puff of smoke. It was something they both loved, something they both made time for. This weekend had so far consisted of mostly staying in bed in their beach house rental, only leaving for food in between rounds and snuggling in the chair on the deck together. 

She smiles and kisses him again, “For you? Always.” She says, knowing he was just the same, that nothing had changed how much they were attracted to each other. She’d been self-conscious after she had Oscar, the changes to her body, specifically the way the scar on her abdomen had stretched, making her doubt herself. For weeks longer than her doctor said she’d needed, the longest they’d ever gone without having sex, she’d put him off. The exhaustion of parenting a newborn a convenient excuse until Aaron asked what was wrong. He was nothing but understanding as she tearfully explained how she felt, how she didn’t feel attractive anymore. 

He’d spent hours proving her wrong. Taking her apart again and again to show her that she’d always been beautiful to him, and she always would be.

“As tempting as that offer is,” he says, smiling as he tucks some of her grey hair behind her ear, “I would like to go surfing at least once whilst we’re here,” he says, kissing her cheek, “I promised the boys I’d let them know what it was like.” 

It was something he had picked up on one of their first vacations as a family. Oscar was still small, a tiny baby they’d had to keep an eye on so he didn’t eat fistfuls of sand, and Jack had watched the surfers from his place on the shoreline, fascinated by them. He asked Aaron if they could do it too, and he’d found someone who taught beginners lessons the next morning. Emily had watched, anxiety she hadn’t known existed before she was a mom bubbling in her chest as she held a sleeping Oscar, and loved that it was something they bonded over. It became something Aaron and Jack did together whenever they went somewhere, and Oscar joined them when she was old enough. 

Emily hums and makes a show of rolling her eyes, “You’re lucky that it’s incredibly attractive to me when you’re being a good father.” 

“I always feel lucky with you,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrow at her and she shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek in a failed attempt to dampen her smile. 

“You’re ridiculous,” she replies, stamping a kiss to his lips before she pulls back, “Come on then, I’ll read my book and you can go surfing.” 

He wraps his arm around her shoulders as they head for the back of the beach house, the large French doors leading to the porch and then the beach itself, “You don’t want to join me?”

She laughs wryly and shakes her head, “I’d rather sit on the beach and look pretty, and take pictures of you looking pretty whilst you surf.” 

He laughs and reaches for the surfboard that he was keeping on the back porch, “As long as you-”

“Don’t send any to the BAU group chat,” she says, rolling her eyes as she cuts him off, “I know, I know.” 

“And not the separate one you have with Penelope and JJ either.” 

She huffs out a breath, wishing she could be mad that he knew her so well, that he’d seen through her loophole, “You’ve got to ruin all my fun, huh?” 

He kisses her, stealing the breath from her lungs, smirking as he pulls back, “Hopefully not all your fun.” 

___

Emily smiles as she flicks through the pictures on her phone, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she lingers on one where he’s holding the surfboard over his shoulder, the muscles in his arms visible under his skin. The smile on his face soft as if he was looking right at her or one of the boys, not the camera. It makes something flip in her belly, a familiar need for him bubbling into a slow boil. 

“I hope you didn’t send those to anyone,” he quips, and she looks up from her phone to see him standing next to the bed, his eyebrow raised as she smiles up at him from where she is sitting, her back against the headboard. He’s wearing the t-shirt he’d worn to the beach earlier, something he’s sure would leave bits of sand in the bed even though she’d shaken it out over the balcony whilst he showered, but he doesn’t care. The sight of her in his clothes had always been enough to undo him, something so simple and domestic that brought him to his knees. 

“Just the boys,” she says, locking her phone and placing it on the nightstand, smiling as he climbs into bed next to her. He leans in to kiss her, smiling as she cups his cheek and holds him in place, chasing him as he pulls back, her nails scratching at his beard. “Jack said you need a shave.” 

He laughs as he shakes his head, “He’s always hated the beard.” 

She smiles as she thinks of the first time she’d ever seen him with a beard, when she was freshly back from the dead and he was back from Pakistan. He’d told her since that he’d left because he didn’t feel like he deserved to be at home when he’d sent her away, a penance that he carried that no one else but him had put on his shoulders. 

She hums as she pushes his hair from his forehead, “I’ve always loved it.” 

At first, she’d tried to ignore the pull that she’d felt towards him when she got back from Paris. Half convinced at first that it was only because he understood what she’d been through, that he’d faced his own monsters and survived. It was only as time went on that she realised it went deeper than that. That she was in love with him, and had been for longer than she’d care to admit. She was grateful she’d taken the plunge, that she’d kissed him after dinner one night and changed her life for the better.

Aaron smiles at her, his dimples carved into his cheeks, “I know you do.” 

He leans in and kisses her, his tongue licking through her mouth, tasting the sigh she releases as her hand moves into his hair, her nails scratching his scalp as he shifts them. He ends up half on top of her as he lays them down and she chuckles as she widens her legs, making room for him to lay between them, chuckling as she pulls back to smile at him.

“Sure you’re not too tired after surfing?” She asks, already breathless, her tongue peeking out to lick her lips, addicted to the taste of him on her skin. He runs his hand up her thigh, grasping at the familiar skin and smiles as he presses a kiss to the corner of her lips and then her cheek, his response partially muffled against her skin as he makes his way down her throat. 

“I’m never too tired for this.” 

She beams at him and pulls him in for a kiss, groaning as his hand slips up her thigh, the kiss lost to a smile as his hand reaches her hip, all but growling when all he feels is bare skin. He pulls back and looks at her, his pupils blown with desire as their eyes meet. 

“No underwear?” He asks, his voice gruff, the sound of it alone enough to make her shift her hips up towards his. 

She shrugs, “Seemed pointless,” she says breathlessly, reaching down to pull at the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, but he stops her, his hand over hers as she frowns curiously at him. 

“Keep it on,” he murmurs, kissing her throat, nipping at her pulse point with his teeth. She grasps at his hair, holding him in place as he sucks a bruise into her skin, one she knows she’ll struggle to hide from their sons when they get home, but she can’t bring herself to care. 

“You and your obsession with me wearing you- fuck,” she says, her comment lost as he presses his thumb against her clit, drawing out a groan from her. 

“So wet for me already, baby,” he mutters against her skin, trailing upwards to capture her lips in a kiss, “Always so wet.”

She whimpers as he runs his fingers through her, her hips moving against his hand, seeking out friction he knew she needed but was holding back, “Always for you,” she gasps, “Only you,” her hips twitch again as he lightens his touch and she groans, “Aaron. Please.” 

Aaron smirks into the kiss. Even all these years later it blew him away that he did this to her. That he was able to turn this woman, the person who he’d seen stare death in the face, to this. His name a breathless whisper on her lips as he finally pushes two fingers into her, swallowing the moan she releases before she breaks away from the kiss, her head thrown back against the pillow.

“Fuck,” she moans, clenching around his fingers as he presses his thumb into her clit, “Just like that,” she adds unnecessarily, both of them aware he knew her body almost better than she did, well practised on how to take her apart. 

He builds her up slowly, taking his time no matter how much he wants her, how much he wants to feel her around him. He uses his other hand to trail under the t-shirt she is wearing, his fingers stroking over her skin, paying special attention to her scars. Able to seek them out even though he can’t see them, her skin a map he knew off by heart. Something he had committed to memory long ago. 

She gasps at the heat of his skin against hers, the way he palms at her breasts, making sure he takes the time to press into the damaged skin above her left one. A brand he always paid attention to, forever seeing the beauty in it where she couldn’t because it was made of her, and therefore could never be close to ugly. She can feel the orgasm coming a mile off and she lets it wash over her, every nerve in her body on fire as she comes, tipping over the edge with the familiar weight of him against her. 

It takes her a few moments to come back to herself, first aware of his lips against her cheek and then his voice, soft and quiet in the otherwise silent room.

“You okay sweetheart?” He asks, and in any other circumstances she’s sure she’d be pissed that he looked so proud of himself, but she simply nods, her teeth biting at her swollen lower lip. 

“I’m great,” she replies, pulling him in for a kiss, her still shaking leg wrapping around his back. She frowns when her heel meets his skin, pulling back to look at him, wondering when he’d taken off the boxers and t-shirt he’d talked out of the bathroom wearing. She kisses away his smirk and reaches out for him, smiling when he grunts as she wraps her hand around him, pumping him up and down a few times, tugging at his lower lip when he breaks the kiss. 

She guides him into her, pressing her forehead into his as she sighs at the familiar stretch of him, the feeling of being complete that always came with this. 

“I love you,” she breathes out, pushing his hair from his forehead, stamping a quick kiss against his lips.

He links their hands together next to her head and kisses her fiercely, his nose warm against her cheek, “I love you too.” 

They go slowly, taking their time as they find a familiar rhythm. He can’t help but think of their first time. The way they’d desperately pulled at each other’s clothes, seeking out what they’d wanted from each other for years, falling into a mess of limbs onto her bed, both of them desperately trying to catch their breath before they went again, wanting to make up for lost time. They still had that passion, the two of his button-down shirts and one of her pairs of underwear that they’d brought on this trip that were torn in their suitcase was enough evidence of that, but he thinks he loves this more. 

The familiarity of it, the softness. The love they’d fought so hard for, together and apart, and that he knew they’d feel forever. 

“Cl…close,” she grits out eventually, her hips stuttering against his before she chases his lips in a kiss. He reaches between them and rubs her clit, making sure he’s gentle, that he keeps the pace they’ve had all evening. 

“Come on sweetheart,” he says, kissing her cheek before he presses his face in her neck, breathing her in, making sure every one of his senses is overwhelmed by her, “Come for me.” 

They come together, her orgasm triggering his, and she buries the hand not linked with his in his hair, holding him in place. Not wanting him to move, to pull away, loving the feeling of him pressing her into the mattress. He was heavier now than he had been when they first met, but she loved it. Found comfort in the embrace that somehow felt even safer than it had when they got together, something she hadn’t thought would be possible. 

They catch their breath, and she closes her eyes, lets herself bask in it all, the love between them and the peace they’d found on this weekend away. A short burst of quiet in their beautiful, chaotic, life. 

“Promise me something,” she says eventually, encouraging him to look at her by tugging at his hair slightly, smiling when their eyes meet.

“Anything,” he replies sincerely, and she knows he means it, that he’d pull the stars from the sky if she asked for them, and she knows she shouldn’t expect anything less.

He’d once called the Vatican for her after all.

“Promise me we’ll always find time like this weekend for us,” she says, pushing the hair that had flopped onto his forehead back, smiling at the grey hairs that shine in the light of the bedroom, “Even when both boys are moved out.” 

He smiles, shifting up to kiss her, his hand on her cheek as he pulls back, “Em, I’ll buy this place tomorrow and bring you here every weekend if that’s what you want.” 

She beams at him, turning her head to kiss his palm, “I love you,” she says, unsure what else to say, well aware even that didn’t seem enough. 

“I love you too,” he replies, leaning down to kiss her as they get lost in each other, the sound of the ocean outside echoing around them. 

-x-

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#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss #emily prentiss fanfiction #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfic #aaron x emily #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotchniss #hotchniss smut #aaron hotchner smut #emily prentiss smut

[chiarrara]

(part two of this ask from @distorzija-misli6 <3)

Basketball AU: I don't know as much about Basketball as I do about Baseball, so this is a good chance for me to think through positions & what each character's role on the court would be! (and decide if I want to make them taller than their canon heights)

Nobara: I talked about how Nobara likes to drive to the basket and draw (or make) fouls a lot. She's also got a good midrange shot and can make three pointers. She can play anywhere on the court, she's a really versatile player, and she always goes hard. She's also a huge shit talker. She has a reputation for elbowing, pushing, and doing anything to get the ball. Basically, the way she sees it, everyone on the other team is an enemy and she doesn't care what happens to them as long as she gets the basket & her team gets the win. She's not super sappy and motivational with her teammates, she's more into tough love. But she's also super loyal and trusts her teammates fully. I maintain she'd be a sixth man off the bench who can easily sub in for a shooting guard or a forward. (also I might bump her up to be at least 5'5" or 5'7" girly is so short)

Maki: She's a team leader. Cool headed, very skilled, hard worker--she practices more than anyone. She's great at taking charge on the court & directing plays. She's an amazing ball handler, she can dribble the ball up the court, make tough passes, get out of traps, and throw the ball in, all without making a turnover (losing the ball and giving it up to the other team). She has a natural commanding presence and her teammates look up to her and follow her lead. She is absolutely a tough love girly, though. She will tell you exactly what you suck at and need to improve, and you're not gonna get a lot of praise from her. But that just means it means even more when you do get it. Ya girl is a point guard with a good shooting arm and amazing court sense and game knowledge. (I might bump her up to 5'9" or 5'11" just to keep her height on Nobara)

Megumi: Since Megumi is also really strategic I think he started out as a point guard on the men's team, but when the teams merge, he and Maki have to compete for the spot. He kind of wants to just give it to her, but she absolutely won't let him so they play for it. Unfortunately, when it comes down to it, he just isn't as driven, is too unselfish with the ball, doesn't go all out and loses (queue Gojo-Megumi heart to heart). After that, I think he transitions to more of a shooting guard/small forward position. He's a defensive focused player, he gets near the basket to get rebounds, he creates opportunities on offense by running plays that confuse the defense, he blocks players on the other team to create scoring opportunities for his shooters. He can score from anywhere on the court, but he often passes the ball when he should be taking a wide open shot. Room for improvement. (we'll make him 6'1"-6'2"?)

Yuuji: He's a tough player, strong and athletic, but he's not fouling on purpose like Nobara does. He plays under the basket a lot, he's a strong shooter. He's got all kinds of layups, jump shots, and the occasional three. Any opportunity to dunk he's taking it. Any opportunity to block the other teams shot, he's taking it. He's extremely coachable, if you tell him to jump, he literally asks how high. Great free throw shooter because he can just turn off crowd noise & distraction and focus in. He's the notorious D1 athlete in a post game interview. His answer to everything is "we left it all on the court" or "we gave it 110%". One time he broke his nose colliding with a guy and had to wear one of those bizzare looking face guards for like a month after. (6'0" he's gotta be shorter than Megumi, sorry)

Yuuta & Toge: They're both shooting guards, knocking down three pointers. Yuuta tends to defend more under the basket because of his height where Toge is out on the perimeter. Toge's a great ball handler and can make quick passes and weave around the defense. Yuuta's great at getting in position, side-stepping, shot faking, at shooting from mid-court. They're both supportive teammates and are great cheerleaders from the bench. (Yuuta is 6'4" and Toge is only 5'10" on a good day)

Panda: He's the tallest, the biggest, and the strongest. He's posted up under the basket making layups, blocking shots, getting rebounds, and boxing dudes out so they have to take bad shots. He can go absolute beast mode on a counter attack and jump over a dude to get a slam dunk. He's the biggest morale-booster & the heart of the team. (he's still 6'7")

Shoko: She was the head coach of the women's team and when they merged, she got the position to coach the coed team. She's decisive, outwardly unemotional, and extremely effective. She doesn't pump the team up with big speeches, she's much more subtle, but she develops the relationships in practice and throughout the season so when it comes to a make or break moment, her team believes her when she says, "Well, I know you can win, so are you going to?

#jjk basketball au #nobamaki basketball au #nobamaki #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nobara kugisaki #maki zenin #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuuji #shoko ieiri

[voxofthevoid]

I usually post these ~12 hours earlier, buuuut I queue these on Tuesday, usually, and this time, I lost track of the days/dates. That happens a lot, to be fair.

This fic is now a baby novel: 53k and counting. I only have 2.5 chapters left to write, at least.

Onto Time Travel Fuck-It Wednesday #6! Have some Nanami.

“Nanami,” Satoru greets cheerfully. “Where is he? You didn’t lose my Yuuji, did you?”

“He’s at the school with your first-years,” comes the clipped answer. Nanami opens the door wider with visible reluctance. “Come inside. We need to talk.”

Satoru whistles softly. “Sounds like I’m in trouble.”

Nanami doesn’t dignify that with an answer, turning on his heels and marching deeper into his apartment. Satoru follows, closing the door behind him, and isn’t particularly surprised to find a bottle of some liquor and a half-full glass on the coffee table. Nanami’s sitting in one corner of the couch, his hunched body and the tension thrumming in it reminding Satoru of how he found Yuuji after he introduced him to Megumi and Nobara.

That night ended very pleasantly, but Satoru doesn’t have high hopes for this conversation.

He takes the recliner opposite the couch, sinking into the plush upholstery. Nanami has the air of a man who’s considering his words. He’s dressed casually, in a long-sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants, but there’s nothing easy or comfortable about his posture or demeanor.

Sure enough—

“What exactly is your relationship with Itadori-kun?”

Satoru can’t help smiling. “You never change, Nanami.”

“Answer the question.” A split-second of hesitation, followed by— “Please.”

“You already know what Yuuji is to me. You wouldn’t bother with this little…interrogation otherwise,” Satoru points out.

He can hear Nanami grind his teeth. “You’re wrong.”

“Oh?”

“I know what you mean to Itadori-kun. I know nothing of your feelings.”

Satoru hums. “I think I should be offended.”

“Gojou-san.”

Satoru holds his arms up in a faux-conciliatory gesture. “Fine, fine. Yuuji is…” There’s a lot Satoru could say: special, beautiful, brave, damned. The list goes on, and each one is as true as the others. But in the end, it comes down to— “He’s mine.”

Nanami briefly, furiously screws his eyes shut. Satoru isn’t entirely unsympathetic, but then, what was Nanami really expecting? He should know by now not to ask questions he doesn’t want the answer to, especially if he knows them already.

Nanami says, “You’re going to kill him.”

Satoru doesn’t waver; he doesn’t allow it. “I am.”

“He knows.”

“He does.”

Dark, angry eyes skewer Satoru. “How do you justify this?”

“You’ll have to be more precise, Nanami.” Satoru smiles. Nanami gaze drops to it, and his whole face draws up tight. “What am I meant to justify? The killing? You already know why. I told you first thing. The loving? Are you saying I should’ve rejected him?”

“Yes. Obviously, you—”

“And then what?” Satoru cuts in, and he finds he can’t quite keep up that smile anymore. “Let him die a broken-hearted virgin? Why would I do that when I can give him what he wants instead?”

Nanami seems on the verge of rising from the couch and leaping at Satoru. He never will, of course. He’s one of the most controlled people Satoru has ever known. But it says something that Nanami’s tempted, and the fact that it shows is telling in its own way.

All this after two measly weeks—Yuuji really is something else.

“Don’t you dare pretend this was for his sake.” Nanami’s voice is even, but there’s an edge to the words that carve up the air between them. “You’ve never been anything but selfish, but this is downright cruel.”

“Ouch,” Satoru intones. “Tell me what you really feel.”

Nanami ignores him. “You can’t be so idiotic as to think it’s better for Itadori-kun to be killed by a lover.”

“Have you asked him? No, I know you haven’t. You should. The answer might surprise you.”

“I’ll do no such thing,” Nanami snaps. “That’s not a question any child should have to answer. And you—”

Satoru tilts his head to the side, watching Nanami’s mouth flatter into an even thinner line. “Go on.”

Nanami’s silent for the longest time. It’s not anything as wise as hesitance. His eyes are burning, and there’s a red tint to his ears and cheeks that has nothing to do with the half-drained glass of alcohol on the table. Nanami’s filters might be lower than usual or ideal, but he’s not lacking clarity.

There’s the fleeting thought that maybe Satoru should have answered some of his calls, just to let him get it out of his system in increments, all from a safe distance. Yuuji would have expertly handled Nanami in the aftermath, he’s sure. He might even have scolded Satoru, which is always delightfully novel.

But Satoru’s finding it hard to summon any real regret. He doesn’t want to antagonize Nanami. He understands where he’s coming from. He’s even glad, albeit in a distant way he can’t really feel at the moment, that Nanami’s already grown to care so much for Yuuji. He knows it’ll make Yuuji happy.

Still, something grates.

“Do you not care?” Nanami finally asks, so softly that Satoru’s skin prickles in alarm. “Or did killing your last lover rob you of whatever humanity you had left?”

Satoru laughs.

Mouth open, head thrown back, loud and unfettered.

He laughs until his eyes burn and throat aches, and he knows, the full might of the Six Eyes trained on Nanami despite the laughter racking his body, that it’s not the reaction Nanami expected. His expression is caught halfway between anger and surprise, and the end result is strangely comical. That doesn’t help Satoru calm down any.

It’s not funny, of course.

You don’t wield jujutsu to protect anything. You only use it for self-satisfaction.

None of this is funny.

By the time his laughter tapers off, the tension in the room is thick enough to cut with a knife.

“And you call me cruel,” Satoru says, still a little breathless. “Sometimes, Nanami, I think I can’t forgive you after all.”

To his credit, Nanami recovers quickly. “I don’t need your forgiveness.”

“I will anyway,” Satoru says, head still tipped back. He forces his eyes to focus on the blue-grey ceiling instead of Nanami. “Not for your sake. Not even for mine. But we didn’t survive this long to fight now. Yuuji would be sad.”

A strangled sound escapes Nanami. “Gojou—”

The front door bangs open.

“Nanamin,” crows a familiar voice. “I’m home!”

“Shit,” Nanami curses softly.

Satoru stays put, but his attention is a different matter, fixating on Yuuji’s presence with a fervor that burns him from blood to bone. It takes only seconds for him to enter the living room, and Satoru knows the exact moment Yuuji spots him.

His whole body sings.

“Satoru,” Yuuji gasps, distilled delight. “You’re back!”

Satoru raises his head, the smile on his mouth as helpless as it’s real. “Surprise. Did you miss me?”

#goyuu #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk snippets #wip wednesday #my fic #fic: everything burned

[pliablehead]

I guess if I want to write a travelogue/write up post about my 4-stop journey following the first chunk of Everything Everything's 2023 US tour then I have to just... do it!! If this is of interest to anyone other than me then GREAT and if not then it's still special to me to try to write down and remember everything I can uwu

FIRST STOP WASHINGTO-- wait, no, actually, first stop, on my way out of town, the local donut shop in my neighborhood, a place that I absolutely adore and patronize all the time with staff who mostly know me by now/some of whom are my instagram friends/etc. i'd checked with the Pittsburgh venue ahead of time to see if it was okay to send in outside food as a gift to the band even though they have a cafe/bar in their own right, and whoever I corresponded with said it would be totally fine, so I talked to the donut shop manager and set up a delivery of a dozen for the lads for Saturday before their show here. advance paid for that, as well as getting my own breakfast and coffee hehe, and then hit the road. OKAY FOR REAL FIRST STOP WASHINGTON DC!!! This was the second-longest leg of my Car Driving and it was definitely a wee bit exhausting but I had a podcast or two and a ton of E E on shuffle to bolster me through and I made it to my mom's friends' house, where I was staying, with relative ease. The venue was within a not-too-unreasonable walking distance too so after a change of clothes (I had very distinct and deliberate Show Outfits for each night that were fully separate from my travelin' clothes) and a bunch of fussing with the bracelets™ I headed over!! stopped for empanadas and a smoothie on the way and then queued up!!

aaaaahh this was such a nice fun queue. I was maybe about a dozen-ish people back from the front, down about half a block, and once I finished scarfing down my food this was my first real experience with doling out the bracelets. so fun! I'm glad it was basically an instant hit! AND I even got a few trades in this queue--one person gave me a Man Alive / Tin / E E bracelet with teeny tiny beads, super fun, and one person with a SHITTON of kandi stuff gave me one that had the name of a flower genus on it?? i think they said it was?? I love the colors on this one! And one person traded me a Blow Pop. lmao. I should eat that before it sits in my fanny pack for too long. I also really enjoyed chatting with the two guys right in front of me (Nick and Alex?), who were from south-central PA and had a couple other fandom touchstones in common with me (mcelroys/dnd/BDG! I love this Venn diagram!!) as well as a big love for E E. We didn't really see much of each other beyond the point of getting inside but I liked y'all a lot!! Hope you had as great a time as I did!!

Black Cat is where I saw E E the first time I EVER SAW THEM, which was almost exactly six years ago from this gig, which is insaaaane. The space is kind of narrow so there's not a huge amount of stage barrier space right at the front, so Becky and I ended up pretty much at the front but almost aa-all the way stage left/Jeremy-side. coulda been worse hehehe. We kind of loitered and chatted with nearby folks, I think maybe becky checked out merch ahead of the show ? but I kind of just held down the fort, enjoying setup stuff, pete running around etc hehe. getting BLASTED by the AC, which was nice.

the ummmm the opener! our first experience with Pierre! I gotta say his general style is not for me, despite the fact that I do think he's very talented and good at the thing he's doing. this first night especially he was SO sweaty and I felt bad for him lmao, you could like see it dripping off him. i am so curious as to why/how he got paired with the boys for this tour, like, what aligned in such a way that this match was made, because my general vibe on the crowd/his audience/etc was that we the fans of the nerdy white english mathy rocker guys were not exactly his demo LOL. BUT i will say in DC I do think he had one little pocket of strong-contingency fans because I kept hearing big whoops and cheers coming from one specific audience spot and I loved that for him lmao. for some reason i cannot explain I actually almost found his backing/support musician guy (the guy who was basically his version of peter) more compelling. I wanna know THAT dude's story lol.

so when he finished up we had a little interlude aaaannndd the setlist appeared... hehe. I could def have peered up to look at it from where I was, but I was telling myself I wanted to be surprised, and was deliberately looking away........ until suddenly everyone around me was gasping and going HOLY SHIT and I was like, ugghhh okay, I will check JUST enough to figure out what that's all about, and what that was all about was immediately apparent because smack in the middle of the set were a Man Alive track (which we never get in the states bar MY KZ) and something that just said "New Song." AND LIKE, OKAY, THAT'S A JUSTIFIED HOLY SHIT. new song????? so now we had THAT to contend with coming up, and aaaaaaah. ahh. yeah holy shit indeed.

it's also while we're standing there that AG pops into view, (or maybe I first spotted him during Pierre's set? Chronology is irrelevant), back off behind Becky from me in the other direction, and we waved over at him to say hi and he says to us, "All four of them are bleached blond." And my gut instinct was to be like, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, but also the truth in my heart was that there was absolutely no justification for not believing them, because of course they would, and sure enough these bozos roll out onto the stage and they are all four draco malfoy-ass bleach blond. God it looks a mess on Jeremy LOL and while the color/dye job wasn't bad on Alex, it was clear his finer hair wasn't holding up as well against the chemicals because it was just a fluffy riot mess. BUT GOD IT WAS REALLY SO INCREDIBLY STRIKING OF A VISUAL for them to be all be wearing all pure white/beige clothes and then to have this bleach-white hair and all of it catching and glowing under the stage lights... god... clearly the effect they were going for and it WORKED, IT REALLY DID. I think it looks so damn goofy (mostly on jez) out of context but it's ABSOLUTELY nailing the Everything Everything Gig Costumes energy/uniform thing that I felt like they'd drifted away from a little the past couple tour cycles, I'm so incredibly here for it

The set!!!! The gig!!!!!!! it wasn't a wildly different set from what we'd seen in CA last year, obviously RDF-heavy supplemented with a heaping helping of singles from the other albums too, but I remember thinking Leviathan and Pizza Boy were especially excellent aaaah. And Schoolin'! And the NEW SONG! The two pieces of it I IMMEDIATELY absorbed and retained were 'the image of a little yellow face to tell you that I'm sorry' and 'I love you like an atom bomb,' and I was spouting those two pieces back to anyone who wanted to talk to me about it for the rest of the night. I'm so lyrics-pilled/vocalist-biased. Which was.... Unfortunate, for this DC gig, because I do think the audio mix was pretty rough - at least from where we were standing so close to the front, I wonder if it was at least a tiny bit better further back into the crowd in the area the sound system was probably primarily calibrated for - and we were REALLY losing Jon in the mix, especially underneath how enthusiastically the crowd was singing along a lot of the time. We were on Jeremy's side of the stage and we were really just getting a LOT of Jeremy. (Which, the bass did sound absolutely fantastic, so hard to complain about that, at least, but still.) I was very thankful to be going to a few more gigs beyond this one so that this wasn't my only experience with it, especially New Song!!! Plus there were a bunch of other little tech difficulties too? Near the beginning of the new song, Jon's guitar strap came detached and wouldn't reconnect, and after struggling a bit with that he decided to just drift back and pass it off the stage to their tech guy--but he was still kind of singing/holding the mic, so as he moved on stage, the mic cable yanked the microphone stand straight over, too. Then the rest of the night that stand was pretty precarious and nearly fell two other times, only caught at the last minute by a true homie who was standing directly in front of it in the audience lmao. I think Becky yelled HIRE HIM! at one point. Annnnd also for like a whole verse of NOTLK jez's bass boards just kind of Gave Up. He tried switching to his other instrument but that wasn't working either, and then finally it all sort of came back online, so he played a little stretch with the wrong bass and then was able to switch back to the right bass when there was a lull in his part. SHAMBLES. lmfao. god it was a great gig though. SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK I LOVE BAND UWAAAAAHH I WAS SO SWEATY AND HAPPY

afterrrr da gig, we needed very badly to drink water and so we managed to do that I believe, and we kind of loitered in the Merch Line Situation trying to figure out what was going on. I had kind of resolved not to buy merch until at least NY, part because I really didn't want to be lugging anything around with me for too much of my trip (esp on this night where I walked) and part because I'd read a post that Irving Plaza was among the venues who'd committed to not taking a cut of band merch sales and letting them keep it all, and I was like, well obvi that's where I want to spend my money. Plus it was cash only in DC and since I'd kind of told myself NY I didn't even have cash out, so it was nothing. BUT!!! homie Adrian whomst I had met at the DC Foals show last December had been there, a few people ahead of me in the queue and also rocking out yaayyy, and he was trying to get merch but the ATM inside the venue literally did not have any more cash left inside it to dispense because everyone was taking out so much of it to buy merch AAAH. so he reached out to me like 'you're going to more shows than just this one right?' and asked if I'd pick him up the stuff he wanted later and then mail it to him so he didn't have to contend with international shipping and I was like aaaah absolutely! yay gig comradeship!

so I think becky finally committed to getting in the merch line and I was mostly just waiting With Becky and there weren't a ton of people left because the venue was trying to clear out, but the handful of us who were still there, a wild Alex Robertshaw appeared up near the stage/bar. we vibed out whether he was receptive to Fan Bothering at this time but it seemed legit, so a bunch of us went over and socialized with him and took some pics, got some signatures, etc, woooo. We tried to vibe out from him also if the other guys were gonna be coming out, and when and where, but y'all know Alex is the awkwardest member of this band by a country mile and we didn't really have too coherent of a discourse at this point in time lmao. Not sure who talked to him about what at this point as I was just trying to hold down the fort and be Normal. I was able to give Alex the bracelet I'd made for him at this point (he was so cute studying on it and reading it ahaha - "rave-- kevin-- kevins rave KEVIN'S RAVE" and he smiled and I felt cool), and also meanwhile Pete was still running around stage doing roadietech type stuff and I sort of politely flagged him down like "do what you need to do if you need to do it but also: Hi lol" and I got to give him his bracelet as well! yay ♥. He complimented my shirt--I'd been getting a lot of compliments on it honestly, it's their Yellow Bird Project shirt that Jon designed some time ago, only I replaced the plain white sleeves of the original unisex tee with some sort of vermilion "girly fit" sleeves that are more comfy to me and kind of give the shirt a different look haha--and I sort of joked on that, said as much, oh, I swapped the sleeves out, "It's to cover up how sweaty I get." and Pete gave me a deadpan look and went "You don't even want to go there with me" and I was like "YEP I FEEL MUCH THE SAME" and I think we both enjoyed a moment of feeling very Seen about the sweatiness hehehehehe. I love Pete he is my heckin Friend With no additional merch purchases (merchases) (hm, no) the venue was finally for realsies ejecting us so we drifted back out into the streets and just like... okay... now what........ this was the point at which I think our Band Groupie-ing Crew became me, Becky, Danielle in the fox ears/tail, and a lanky youth named S.P. whom I'd talked to in line earlier while doling out bracelets (he had the good E E baseball cap; he asked for an Arc bracelet and I commended him for being an Arc fan, since I feel like they are a dwindling/rarer breed, and then I offered up my hot take that Violent Sun is just the second coming and second pass at Duet, which he thought was spicy, and then he asked for my most controversial E E take and I told him that I don't really like Tin very much and he told me he doesn't really like Shark Week very much and we agreed to disagree and have a good night LOL) (anyway I digress !). It was a warm enough night and none of us really had places to be so we didn't mind just loitering and trying to suss out some more Guys other than just Alex and Pete, but slowly but surely we became basically the only fans left sticking it out. so we stuck together! We split up to try to find if there was a rear stage door at the back and SP and I went one way (the long way RIP) and Becky and Danielle went the other way and it turns out the way that SP and I went was an alleyway just FULL of rats. Too many rats in DC!! People like to talk about rats in NYC but I saw WAY more in Washington just vibing out on the sidewalks and eating trash. I'm not anti-rat, they live there and deserve to live, but oh man it was just. I did not especially want a rat encounter LOL. The rat alley DID actually lead us to where the bus was though!!, but there was also a venue security guy there who was immediately like "Nope, back up, leave, bye" and we were like. understood have a nice day, and doubled around a different way to meet back up with the other two. wwwwelp.

We loitered a bunch more and eventually saw Alex and his homies like, AT LEAST two more times, but we ultimately never saw anyone else. They p much confirmed for us that because this was the first night of the tour, they had a really intense load-out, and everyone was jetlagged to all fuck, that they probably wouldn't ever make it out, even though at least once Alex had said something ambiguous/optimistic enough to imply that they might yet, but really it just got SO late that we couldn't justify still being there for nothing instead of being like. asleep. lol. SP and Danielle got rideshares, Becky and I walked back as far as her hotel together, and then I hiked the rest of my way back too and went the fuck to SLEEP!!! FIRST GIG IN THE BOOKS!! WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT GOD IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO BE SEEING THEM AGAIN ngl I think the blond is really attractive on Mike with his darker brows/beard and I'm always a sl*t for jonathan so like. beautiful. finally some delicious fucking food

it was super nice of my mom's friend to let me stay with him!!! I was so delighted to see his cats again, I remembered them from the last time I was there like six or so years ago, they're sooooo floofy and beautiful aahh. he also provided me with a white noise fan without me even asking which was SO choice. zzzzz. My plan was to get up in the morning, get coffee someplace nearby at wherever he recommended, and then hit the road forrrr... Philadelphia!!! Night two!!!! I got some breakfast tacos at a hella legit place, messed up my coffee/milk/sugar ratio ever so slightly but not in an undrinkable way, and then frickin. autobot rolled out. This drive was not bad at ALL, I timed it pretty much exactly like I planned it to, which was to: get to my friend's place where I was crashing in philly with, ideally, enough time to take a small nap before I had to do anything else, because, god, despite being pretty exhausted and sleeping okay on the nice guest bed in DC, I had BARELY slept the night before I left just from Travel Antsiness and from both staying up way later and waking up way earlier than I meant to unintentionally, and a second little recharge zzz before I went and did it all over again really hit the spot.

It was soooo nice to see Mads again and to see Mr. Angus and also meet BENNY!! More host cats!! They are suuuch silly good little lads, Mads and I had a ton of Kitty Chat and just vibing out and talking about concerts and fandom and stuff, I was so thankful she let me stay with her and getting to hang out was icing on the cake of this trip! She pointed me toward the trolley I'd need to take to get to the venue, and after my baby snzzz and drinking a ton of water and suiting up in my Arc-inspired look (literally just a sweatshirt dress I bought specifically because it was color-blocked very very much like the jackets/outfits they toured Arc in, I saw it and bought it immediately lmfao) I journeyed into the city, hoping to just find a place to eat in the vicinity of the gig! I was way closer up in the queue this time, the people in front of me were really just like.... the usual suspects, Annika+squad and David+squad (incl. Becky, who'd apparently already been there when I got there but wasn't there when I arrived), and also a super-nice woman immediately in front of me named Robin who I MEGA hit it off with!!! Hanging out with her was such an awesome part of my experience at this gig!!! she's COMPLETELY Offline which is so powerful for her but I hope there's some capacity in which we can continue to be friends because she ruled.

There was a Dominican(? I think) place like one block down from the venue where a couple in front of me had gotten some stuff and so I ran down there to snag food too and holy shit this man gave me so much goddamn food. Just a HUGE pile of rice and beans and some pork ribs, and I got a pineapple fanta, and I just popped a squat on the sidewalk and ate as much of it as I could which was probably not even half of what he gave me but it wasn't even that expensive so god bless. Once I wasn't dealing with my food sitch any more I was freed up to pass out a bunch of bracelets again, and I even got a couple more trades, one that was just a bunch of black beads and a bunch of Xs and one that says 'BUSSY' which I am elated about, thank you so fucking much lmao. Also someone offered to trade me an ibuprofen LOL and I was like no that's fine the bracelet can be free... for now, but I will keep that in mind if I change my mind later LOL aaahhh i was just so excited to give the bracelets out it was such a good vector for socializing and making Friends and Gig Buddies. I did learn p quickly at Philly that I should have made way more Man Alive, GTH, and Raw Data feel bracelets because those were basically the first to go every night and then I got stuck with just sad unloved Re-Animators and AFDs :( I was trying to like! do equal amounts of everything to give everything the love because I love them all! but people got favorites out there damn lmao. I was happy to be able to give Robin the MY KZ one because she said that's the first song she ever heard by them and it's special to her because of that (and then also it's been in the touring set and she got to hear them perform it too yay!!! I don't remember if she said she'd seen them before but it had just been a very very long time, or what, idk, aaaah).

We were R I G H T on the stage at this venue, slightly more to Alex's side this time, and the lip/rise of the stage was not very high at ALL and it felt almost like... intimidating, or like it shouldn't have been ALLOWED, for us to be that close to the stage. :flushed emoji: jeez lmao. I didn't fuck w merch here either but some people around me did I think and I held their spots, and a nice kid from right behind me in the queue brought me a Liquid Death which was so incredibly sweet. Pierre's set passed much as it had in DC, lmao; his other musician guy had a sweet fit on, though, this like two-piece set that was a really really dark/muted camo, a blazer over a black top and then matching like athleisure-fit pants and black boots, it was a fuckin look. They had a song at the very end of Pierre's Philly set that I don't think they'd done in DC (and that I didn't get in PGH either, it turned out), and ironically that was actually probably far and away the song of his I enjoyed the most, so I got kind of into it there at the end! but MAN was I ready to see the boys instead. hnnnn.

LADS SO CLOSE TO ME. JUST RIGHT THERE AND SINGING AND ROCKING. the set was aaaalmost exactly the same as DC, but in Philly they shifted Bad Friday up out of the encore and back into the set proper, and then replaced it in the encore with Violent Sun, which I admit I'd been bummed to not see in DC because I think the Violent Sun/No Reptiles encore double whammy is so incredibly crucial to the vibe. Warmed me to have it back in. Obviously Pittsburgh had so many other contributing factors that put it over the edge, but if it weren't for all of those, I think Philly would've been my favorite/best experience of these four gigs. Jon was spicy (he sang so many of the Original Rejected naughty lyrics, this is where we got 'he's a vegetable now' for the first and only time and also the only gig of the four where he leaned into the 'Arch Jeremy' gag in Arch Enemy, hehehehe, plus also motherfuckin' distant past which is not uncommon), and we got way more of the New Song-- through the whisper network of Becky, AG, David, etc., etc., we'd pieced together enough info to know by now that apparently the title of the song was in the lyrics of the chorus, and so I think it was in Philly that we all pretty much determined/decided that this was Cold Reactor. I love you like an atom bomb and I've become a cold reactor. I wasn't diving as DEEP into SONG DECIPHERING as some other folks were, but I did like kind of working on it at my own pace and absorbing it into my heart and my understanding of the band and what they're about to start doing, and so this was really great, for me, here, beautiful, beautiful. I took almost NO pics and vids at this one because my phone was kind of dying but also mostly just because I was honestly having such an enormously great time and I didn't feel the need to try to do anything other than be present in my body at the gig and experience it live. you KNOW?? LIKE!! MUSIC. man. EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to mention a small tech flub that was actually so charming, where near the very end of Arch Enemy jon seemed to be having trouble with his guitar board in the front, and he spent so long in the outro squinting down at it and trying to resolve the issue that he didn't fully come in on the It's time to show your face! bit at the proper time, and he ended up just saying "It's time to show your face." right into the mic very unaffected and straight-up in his regular speaking voice at the very, very end when the song was basically over. lol. he is cute. everyone is cute.

(I WILL ALSO SAY I got the giggles SO BAD at david and amanda's gudetama they slipped onto the stage, oh my god--I was going to take a joke video just dramatically zooming in on it, as one does, except right when I went to do that it got caught up in jon's mic cable and just TUMBLED AND JOSTLED ALL OVER THE PLACE and that fucking GOT me and I was DYING and it was right at like. the serious, heartstring-tugging, fuck-yeah parts of No Reptiles where I'm supposed to be at CHURCH and instead I'm losing my shit into hysterics over this poor gudetama just rolling everywhere alksdhjglaksd, I had to bury my face in Becky's shoulder for a measure or more and try to recover, oh my godddd. EGGS!) -- (OH ALSO I LMAO I HAVE SEVERAL AUDIENCE MEMBER ~BITS THAT I AM DOING just like, clapping here or there, participating actively in certain parts of things, and one that I kept doing for some asshole clown reason was singing along with/lampshading Alex's quick backing vox on the second verse of Spring Sun Winter Dread-- Philly was probably the place where I was the most prominent/obvious/easy to see doing it, and it made both him and Jeremy REALLY snicker, ahahaha I'm sorryyyyyyy for being obnoxioussssss)

The merch/loitering sitch was sli-iiightly more locked down, in here; there was only so long Marty and I could pretend to be thinking about merch/hanging out with people who were actually in line but not actually being in line before they really truly wanted us to leave, and they were pretty pissed that I even left the venue with an empty/ice-only water cup, never mind any dreams of re-entry. The militant energy of the security at this venue compared to how relatively chill and normal DC had been (for two venues I would say of comparable size/seriousness) was def my least favorite part of the Philly experience. I was outside, finishing my water and chitchatting with some artsy youths who were also unimpressed with security, and Becky's messaging me like "they're in here!" and I'm like "well I'm not and I can't come back so you gotta tell them to come out here!" lmao. But they did!!! All the guys came out before too long and I very delightfully got to talk to everyone. I gave Mike and Jeremy the bracelets I'd made for them - THEY both apologized to ME outright for not coming out to chat the night before?? like hello you’re the band we’re the fans you don’t owe us anything - they kind of came toward my side of the door first, and talked and chatted some, vs Jon sort of peeling the other way to the other half of the loiterers - I honestly have lost track of the sequence of events here and what happened when, but it was largely unimportant hehe. (Gosh, but then I keep randomly remembering other unrelated details. Like, for example, Black Cat gave me their big ol' signature black cat hand stamp, and I'd been thinking, oh this will be fun to watch my four hand stamps stack from these four gigs, the way I got two together from The Altogether/Matt Duncan double feature back in July, and then Underground Arts put theirs on the INSIDE OF MY WRIST and not the back of my hand, and both Irving and T-Bird just did wristbands. BUMMER.) But mostly just Seeing Band, Talking To Band. This was when I overheard Alex definitely confirm to someone that the new song is called Cold Reactor, and he sort of half-seriously half-not said they just didn't call it that on the setlist in case there was another "New Song" they might want to decide to start playing there instead at the last minute, even though the longer this goes on the more confident we are that they're not going to do that and that Cold Reactor is gonna be a new single that probably drops once this tour is over <___< eyes emoji. Also, between Wednesday and Thursday we also knew that the bleach-blond hair is for Lore Reasons, which we assume are to do with Cold Reactor and the album it will be on, because of course it is. stupid. jonathan higgs I want to crawl inside your deranged pisces mind and meld with it vulcan style.

anyway, as far as my short term memory can be relied upon/will tell me is the truth, I think Jon was actually the last person I ended up in contact with on this night; I was drifting over toward him but someone else was still engaged in an active conversation with him, so I was like, well obviously I will wait my turn and let other people have jonathan time even though I'm the biggest jonathan girlie, I can just hang and go in when he frees up, and so I was turned slightly away from him listening in on other convos and talking to Becky and maybe Annika or a couple other people, and then suddenly there's a delicate hand on the back of my shoulder and Jon's right in my fucking ear ominously going "hello." askdjhgka. He was soooo cute and nice, I gave him the bracelet I made him as well (which was "I wanna be there" from Violent Sun and shades of re-animator orange) and he was immediately like Oh, of course you, are the bracelet distributor, and I was like hehehe yes, and he asked if I also had to do with the gudetama and I was like absolutely not I have no idea what is going on there lmfao. and I think amanda and david did take credit for it at that time of course so yes hehe. Ended up in a fun casual chitchat with Jon and Becky for most of the rest of the time here, with her trying to squeeze him for info about the new song and album and lore hehehe and him being his typical cryptic trolly cagey Jon, and it was all in incredibly good fun; he noticed her bracelet too, and she pointed it out like Yes I got the one that says This Is The Prophecy from big climb because it hearkens back to that bit they were doing on twitter from way before that song even came out so I gave her that one on purpose duh lol, and Jon says "Oooh yep I forgot about that. .. Album..." and mimed swiping his hair back like whoopsie lmao and it was such a silly little half-self-neg on Re-Animator lol, and so I said "WELP too bad! because the one I made from you is one of those too haha!" and he took another look at it as if to remind himself about it and then went "Well yeah that one's good" with a wryer wickeder laugh and I was like lmao tell us how you really feel. But like he's right violent sun is perfect and I actually labored so long over what I was going to have jon's say because he was the only person I didn't have a really solid concrete idea of what to make for and ALSO he was the only one I REALLY wanted to get PERFECT because it's important to me and yeah. so it was. reassuring for him to like the violent sun one. idk anyway.

The woman we'd seen running around doing a lot for them, including merch, who recognized us from DC the night before and was fun and glib about it, and who turns out to be: Tour Manager Sam, finally had enough of our fucking about and started very efficiently organizing us all into "everyone who wants a pic with themself + all four guys come get in Now and I'm gonna play photographer and then we all gotta go the fuck home" and I respected it SO much lmao, so we had sort of a rotating queue of group picture taking and then the guys all went back inside the venue (I kind of fingerguns'd Jon like "New York :D?" and he looked at me just SO Put Out and just deadpanned "Of course you're going to be there." of course!! lmfao) and we started talking amongst ourselves just out of reluctance to let the night end/social energy we still wanted to wallow in and that was cute and nice. I said goodbye to some folks who weren't going any further on the tour. I had such a wonderful night. Then, lo and behold, we turn around and Jeremy's up on the stoop of the venue, and he's like, I think I've locked myself out. I am locked out and I also don't have my phone on me. lmfao jez. he goes "I am going to blame jonathan" and we allowed him that. I was like, do you want me to TWEET AT SOMEONE LOL and he was like good god no they'll come back for me eventually, and then yes they did, and THEN we all left hahahaha. becky insisted on sticking with me part of the way to the trolley but I was like, it is coming in 14 minutes and it says it's gonna take me 12 minutes to get there I gotta GO!, and I freaking missed it anyway!!! and then I had to wait like OVER HALF AN HOUR MORE for the next one and i didn't even get ON the trolley till like 12:50 and it was soooo late before I was back at mads's place aiyaa. But, all in all, TRULY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT I JUST LOVE BEING IN AN ACTIVE BUZZY FANDOM SPACE AND MEETING FANS AND PARASOCIALING AND DANCING AND SINGING AND DOING ARTS N CRAFTS. you KNOW?? you know. you're on tumblr you get it.

The Philly to Jersey (pre-NYC) leg of my road tripping was set to be Thee shortest drive I had to make the whole time, so I let myself have time in the morning to keep snoozing and fucking about, even though I once again woke up way earlier than I'd hoped to and didn't ever make it back to sleep after that. But the tradeoff was still super nice and relaxing vibing with Madeline--I offered to buy her breakfast in exchange for the couch-crashin' and we got hella bagel sandwiches and cold brew from a place real close by her apartment, and scarfed 'em down while watching the most recent ep of Make Some Noise and just shooting the shit (again, largely about either fandom or kitty cats. We are simple folk). My sandwich contained salmon, a fried egg, and the most incredible sloppy caramelized onions, what a banger. The last truly good food I truly enjoyed before my mega super Travel Tummy set in and wrecked my whole shop metabolically speaking, rip. I took a little rinsy-rinse shower at her place too, and then finally made myself get up and Go to do the runaround silly business of driving to and parking in NJ, taking the ferry in to Manhattan, and then taking the subway to Allegra's place for NIGHT THREE IN NEW YORK CITY WOOOOO. I LOVE going to E E with Allegra!!!!! Once again I used her place primarily as a spot to change out of my car clothes and into my gig clothes (it's RDF night; I wore an oversized pale beige button-up shirt, actually left over from my Foals Antidotes costume from last halloween hahaha, gussied up with E E pins and jewelry) and to fuck about with bracelets. I made Allegra a special In Birdsong bracelet, the only one I did from that song :) because allegra is my special E E friend!! and she needs one of her special song!!! Fandom... is good. Allegra also had a kickass outfit. We stopped in at a tex-mex place she really wanted to try that was nearby the venue, and i got pretty nervous that it was gonna be a little late before doors for us to be hitting a sit-down dinner spot, but we rushed it along pretty well on the food and got our slice of dessert cake to go in a box and everything was A-OK. And I had time to hit a bodega for merch cash from the ATM and a pineapple soda for fortitude! let's GOOO irving plaza.

God, Irving was kind of a shitshow when it came to queuing and security though. There were a fair few people in line ahead of us, maybe just as many or slightly more than what I'd had in DC (definitely further back than Philly, although in line near us were the same also-eating-Dominican-food couple from the Philly gig, and I recognized them and was glad to see them again-- I FULLY DO NOT REMEMBER/DID NOT CATCH Y'ALL'S NAMES, AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE WE HUNG OUT AND WORKED TOGETHER SO MUCH, i am so sorryyyyy), but then because it's not a sweet local friendly indie venue but is in fact Livenation As Hell, there's some person affiliated with the venue wandering up front offering some sort of VIP/fast pass line experience where you can just cough up some extra cash and get in your own special line and get to go in first regardless of how long other people have been queuing--you know the deal. Wack as hell. I think David and Amanda opted for this in some capacity, so I was happy for them about it, but a lot of the other people who ended up doing it had kind of rancid vibes of just like "concert-going" and not the very lovely communal sardine megafan energy everyone else had had thusfar. Also it put us where we were at in the queue standing in a place that just had a really terrible smell of sewage, which persisted almost the entire time we were there only to suddenly be replaced by a very powerful smell of bleach, as if whatever it was was suddenly being cleaned/sanitized. ICKY!! Annika was enough further ahead of us in line that I thought it might have only been over where we were but she said no she was definitely getting it too. new york city babey

Bracelet distribution got a little silly here, too, since the queue was wrapping SO far back and was being policed a little more stringently, but I had kind of figured I may need some kind of additional plan, especially since I'd decided not to wear my fanny pack (bum bag--fanny pack, says Jonathan Higgs in a derisive American accent, even as he's telling me he likes mine a lot, skdjshgalkj smh) since my shorts under my shirt had really capacious pockets and that just made for one less thing to worry about--I snagged a sheet of paper at Allegra's place, along with a gallon-size ziploc bag, and I put all the bracelets in there with a note that said to just take one if you wanted one and pass it back through the queue while we waited. It was kind of a crapshoot how effective I thought this was going to be, especially since I had to kind of wait to deploy it once there was a substantial queue BUT by the time there was a big queue it meant that I couldn't see exactly HOW big from where I was near-ish enough to the front, so I didn't know how far the bag was going to make it, if someone was going to end up stuck with my whole big bag at the back of the line (esp since I had a fair number of extra Philly bracelets left over that I lumped in with the NYC ones just because I still Had them).... whew...! BUT by the time Marty was there, he was further enough back from me that I asked him to kind of check up on it when it made it to him and keep passing it; and, by the time we were going inside, I could see zero sign of the bag itself but I DID catch a lot of people milling around me wearing bracelets, and one or two of them did stop me to thank me (since I'd indicated on my note in the bag that I was the person with green hair hahaha), and then I never saw 'em again, so I guess it was a relative success!! Yayyyyy!! WAY less conducive to making New Line Friends than the DC/Philly setup had been, but incredibly effective at making sure that all my bracelets found new homes rather than me having to take a huge handful home with me again and them just sitting in my house forever LOL. success! :)

tl;dr about the bracelets. not important compared to concert and band. WE GO INSIDE!! They have such dumb security/bag check. a gender-split process where the men get patted down by a dude guard and the women get patted down by a lady guard? In TYOOL 2023? you hate to see it. She felt the Sharpie in my back pocket and made me take it out and surrender it???? MY METALLIC BRONZE SHARPIE ? ? no sharpies in the venue I guess. Talked to at least one other person who got sharpie-confiscated too, but also at least two people who fully didn't and still had markers just fine. Absolute shenanigans. Allegra and I didn't quite get barrier due in part to fastpass line nonsense but we did end up right exactly behind Annika &co. with perfect sightlines, once again stage-left/Jeremy-ward-of-center. we don't hate it! my Philly pals to my left with David, Becky et al in front of them. Me fully surrounded by redheads. LOL.

this was the laaaatest show of my whole run, a whole lot of standing around just waiting for Band, and also definitely the energy of "trying to politely vibe to pierre kwenders's set because he can clearly see me and look straight at me even though I would much rather just skip to the bit I actually came for and don't necessarily need to see his set" just slowly increasing every night RIP lol. BUT WE MADE IT! ohhhh new york. EXACT same set as Philly but I couldn't even be mad about it because I was still so grateful to get a Man Alive song that wasn't just MY KZ (not that I don't love my kz obviously, but it HAS been in the set literally all eight times that I have seen E E live as of this Irving Plaza gig, and something else from that album is fun fresh delicious) (OH, SWEET THREEP OF FRIDAY EVENING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) and to be getting COLD REACTOR again, especially becaussseee by this point I knew just enough of the lyrics that I felt confident singing/mouthing along conspicuously with the parts that I Did know, aka I See You Sir I'm Doing The Thing Just Watch Me, god I wish I knew how to be not so fucking extra but then again no I don't. we did get saddled with some Rather Annoying audience members in our near vicinity--a couple I'd spotted in the fastpass line earlier wedged themselves hard between me and my tall redhead/mask-wearing homie from Philly, all like "ummm we're short :)" because they. were, but that didn't give them a right to be pushy and rude, and their vibes were kind of shit because the sense I got was they were mostly there because the girl really loved the band and the dude didn't know much about them at all, and also they were already drunk so early on in the set, and they were talking loudly with some other fans they'd just met and getting Lore™ explained to them and it was just a lot of. loud talking and shoving. in my vicinity. when I would have preferred for there to. not be. BUT Also materializing behind me was someone who said "I saw your bracelets on twitter do you still have any!!" and I had to be like UHHHH FUCK, NO, I turned them loose into the queue, did they not make it as far as you..?? and she sadly said no, and I was like, well the only one I have left is this one I just left on for tradesies/advertising purposes, and it says "akon in the butterfly house" so that's kind of a deep cut, if you're familiar-- and she went WAIT REALLY and seemed SUPER jazzed to get a Dave Sardine-ass bracelet and I was like OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, GOOD, ACTUALLY, because I'd made four of these and I knew they were going to be the deepest cut/hardest sell and I was really really hoping that whoever ended up with them would actually get and appreciate them. so thank you, andrea, for being that person, and for appearing exactly when the bracelet needed it most. so glad to have hung with you this night. sorry that you too found yourself among the ranks of the sharpie-confiscatees.

ANYWAY, OTHER THAN THAT, THIS AUDIENCE WAS FIRE AND THIS GIG SLAPPED. We were finally in a space and an environment that REALLY lent itself to the crowd actually full on bouncing/dancing instead of just kind of wobbling and vibing and everyone in my immediate zone was really going hard. I LOVE this fucking BAND. I love every song by this band. I love when Jon just points the mic at the crowd and the entire crowd sings the whole song word for word and note for note. I love that Jon was still desperately trying to cram the name of the host city into the start of My Kz, despite the fact that "Washington" subs for "Lucifer" perfectly (he has done this both times I've seen them in DC lol) but "Philadelphia" is WAY too stupid long and "New York City," while a syllable shorter, scans metrically in an extremely busted way and you could have just said EN WHY CEE or. y'know. lucifer. but okay man you do you. Jon was just as rowdy as the rest of us lmfao. he was like, climbing up and down off Mike's riser, he was finding people who were taking photos/videos and staring directly into their cameras (me fucking included--I'm sorry, Jon, you can't make eye contact with me while singing the "When I saw you, I fell in love" part of Leviathan, I am pretty sure that is illegal and a crime against my humanity), and basically all the tracks from Get To Heaven (plus like, Cough Cough and NOTLK) blew the fucking roof off the place. I think he donked some My Kz lyrics hehehe he just skipped to the alt lyrics of the chorus too early without completing the standard chorus first at the end, and a little flubbo in NOTLK and a tiny stutter in No Reptiles too, everyone was just TOO ROWDY and he's THROWN LOOPY and man did we not care. I said multiple times to people on this tour that pretty much the closest things I've ever experienced to true Religion are a) being in an E E audience for No Reptiles and b) being in a Hedwig audience for Midnight Radio. they're the same spiritually in my heart and also like do people who love Jesus feel this way and is this why. insane. the cult leader imagery was Not Wrong!!!!!

I wanna MERCH! I got in the line not too long after the show wrapped, but true to reports I'd heard about the pre-show merch line, it was moving verrryy slowly, with just one guy manning it who was not exactly quick and a card reader that seemed pretty chuggy too (but hey, at least NY was taking card). I'd known I wanted the poster--it's got my favorite neon orange on it, it really really slaps, and I wanted something to get signed--but I let myself talk myself into a t-shirt too, mostly because I was REALLY excited to buy E E merch apparel that wasn't black or white. Yellow!! a really freaking good yellow!! I wish the yellow ones had actually had the tour dates on them like the black and white ones did but the yellow branding has been pretty exclusive to this leg of tour (i.e. vs the red branding of the west coast one last year) and it looks soooo good with my hair that I don't especially mind. I also knew that Adrian wanted a copy of Caps Lock On, but that he also wanted a shirt, but I hadn't heard back from him about which shirt or what size so I just got the book and my stuff and then bounced. Communique from outside was that Alex had surfaced but no one else, but that Alex had promised appearances by the rest of them, but that also Alex was already gone and unlikely to return by the time I made it outside. I posted up with all my friends from inside, god this was SUCH a good sardine squad this night, and it took some waiting but eventually the promises came true! All the other boys surfaced and we had some REALLY great fan chats and mingling this tiimmmmee. oh my gosh. A guy came with a Modern Bison CD that Jon and Jeremy were really truly overjoyed to see and to sign and take pictures with; I talked to Jeremy about the bracelets some more because he'd been wearing the one I gave him the WHOLE GIG IN NEW YORK SO LIKE THAT'S GONNA BE IN ANY PHOTOS THAT WERE TAKEN PROFESSIONALLY SPEAKING, oh my gosshhh, he was so nice about it and enjoyed that his Arch Jeremy matched my Arch Emily, the vibes were impeccable; and then I got everyone to sign my poster, but of course Alex was gone already, so Jon offers to forge Alex's signature and goes "look it's like this" and draws some loopy scribble on there and I'm like, lmao, sure.

thing was... I had absolutely heard Jeremy signing something for someone else the night before talking about how he was getting really good at forging Alex's signature for him, since I guess it's normal for him to be the one that disappears the sneakiest (god he really is just the Justin Craig of this band, it's 1:1, huh), and so when I told Jeremy this, he was like "I'll do it" and I was like "no Jon did already do it" and he was going to just leave it then, like, oh, well, okay, but then he saw the mess Jon had made and he was like "--that's quite dreadful actually-- the trick is to not overthink it--" and so now my poster has two forged Alex Robertshaw signatures and zero authentic ones. l m f a o. (To be fair, I do have other things they've all four signed, and Jeremy's fake Alex is at least passable, and Jon's fake Alex is Absolute Dogshit Nothing. I am obsessed.) I even got Peter to sign! He was talking with another fan about a gift she'd given them in the past that had sadly been part of what they lost in their studio fire, it was really heartbreaking to hear. He also thanked me again for his bracelet and told me he planned to give it to his daughter and that she would love it. We took a pic together! Pete the GOAT.

While I was making the rounds with the other boys and other fans, Allegra mostly in tow, swapping sharpies among those of us who still had them, Becky was back with Jon, taking a couple videos for people who weren't there in NY to talk about stuff that they were curious about--I think in the context of Maria, Becky said something like, she thinks the hair is crazy, and Jon said into the camera something like, "If you think it's crazy Now, give it like two or three more weeks, and you're really gonna think it's crazy." SIR WHAT. If the blond is a precursor to something else happening I'm gonna be so the opposite of normal about it, and if the bleach is a stepping stone toward the boys dyeing their hair Other colors I am going to be PROFOUNDLY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT, AND IF ANY MEMBER OF THE MANCUNIAN ROCK BAND EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HAS THEIR HAIR DYED GREEN ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE. tyler the creator unfollow me right now etc. etc. etc. The more I've thought about it I don't THINK this is what's up--my sense is that any Cold Reactor music video is probably already filmed and ready to drop alongside the single pretty quick after the tour ends, rather than being something they're going to film/put together entirely post-tour, so they probably needed the bleachblond for some energy similar to how I felt about them when they first walked on stage in DC, but Oh man...... OH MAN............ I digress. anyway.

following up from that, Allegra (I think? Or maybe still Becky and allegra was just Present) addressed the notion of the hair being related to the Lore, and like, did that mean lore for the single/the upcoming album ? ? which was what we were assuming, and Jon said some demented and ominous and extremely exciting phrase like, "The lore for this one is.... b o t t o m l e s s" in his always-startling real deep Jon voice, and that was the fucking sound bite of the evening, folks. FOLKS. ALLEGRA AND I WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO HER APARTMENT JUST CONTINUALLY SAYING "THE LORE IS BOTTOMLESS!" my body is so god damn ready.

We bid farewells to all our friends for whom NYC was their final stop on this tour!! SAD!!!!!! Going to miss all the homies T___T it's not fair that we're not just all going to every single stop on this tour I don't think? it should actually be illegal for us not to be present when the band is performing?? the hugest RIP. Hugs exchanged all around. Me trying to say bye to Jon but he's engaged with someone else so I think I just awkwardly said "See you tomorrow" twice and then we left. becky maaaybe trying to last minute scramble to also come to pgh now despite not really having accounted for it in her plans originally ? ? I was not certain what she intended here but I supported her. yes. me, annika and AG for sure being there at least. we ride. Back to allegra's where I did, unfortunately, sleep ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY/BASICALLY NOT AT ALL due to being so hot and stuffy in my little nest on the floor that it was making me nauseated, I think I got maybe 2.5 hours tops, but I didn't really have a choice because if I wanted to be back home in time to do ANYTHING other than just rock straight over to the queue for Thunderbird then I knew I was going to have to leave so GOD DAMN early in the morning to haul ass back to where my car was and then drive the seven hours to pgh. But I did exactly that!!!! bitch!!!!! Other than some issues like, managing to make a timely pit stop for gas/potty/coffee, I endured the miserable long roadtrip despite myself, raging my way through the poconos, downing the largest cold brew Wawa would sell me, having a truly tragic car vs quesadilla incident, etc. My BFF Francis even got on the phone with me for the last hour or so and we chatted and I got to give them the whole update on the tour thus far, so fun! They MIGHT try to go to the Chicago stop next week!!! if they feel like they can swing it, and I was like ok no pressure but also it's been an extraordinary experience for me thusfar and I highly recommend. So if you see Francis at E E Chicago please holler at them kindly from me!!! :) But at the very least they said they did want a T-shirt and venmo'd me money to buy them one, since I was already still gonna have to get one for Adrian. woooooo

I got home with, yeah, basically exactly enough time to shower, get my outfit together, and regroup before heading to the venue !!! I JUST BARELY missed the bus that would've gotten me there the most promptly, largely due to not being able to find another fucking Sharpie since irving plaza took my first one lmfao, and it ended up being quicker to walk there than to wait the 36 minutes it would've been for another bus or whatever. I still had MEGA travel tummy so I just snagged an apple and scarfed it down on the walk over. Annika was already there queuing! so we hung out in line together and waited and drank the waters we had definitely brought in from outside the bar and just vibed lol. and she was like, I heard them checking two new songs that haven't been in the setlist yet, and I was like ha ha lol like what, and she said, kevin's car and leave the engine room.

and listen, I was optimistic. that my social media obnoxiousness and well-known, easily observable public desires might yet sway them, because come on it's my hometown and it's the last show i'm gonna see on this tour and I sent them donuts, and those were MEANT as a KINDNESS and an ENTHUSIASM FOR DONUTS and not as a bribe, but if anyone wanted to interpret them as a bribe anyway whomst was I to say no, but like. just because I want the band i like to do a thing absolutely does not mean that they have to fucking do it. I want to be crystal clear that i have never at any point EXPECTED them to do this. i just. hoped. yearned in my heart of hearts. and also had very sound rationale for how possible/likely it was. Here's How Engie Room Can Still Win. yfm. but the soundcheck all but confirmed it in my soul for me. and I was like... glad, that she'd been there and caught it and could tell me about it, because it gave me time to like, come to terms with the reality of it, emotionally. AAH. AAAAAHHH, OKAY. BITCH, PLIABLE HEAD, IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

we lingered and watched the queue form behind us-- I spotted a kid I'd seen at the Philly show, god bless. Everywhere we turn, repeat customers. I was telling my work friend today, I feel like the US fanbase for E E is significantly smaller than the UK audience, but we make up for it in that we go fucking hard. Every US fan is a superfan. there are no half-assed american sardines. and that has been so BEAUTIFUL and means the WORLD to me to be sharing it with the other ones of you. Bracelet sharing rocked at this gig!! I had exactly as many as I'd set aside for Pittsburgh and no more, since all my spares had evaporated up at Irving, A new person ALSO HAD BRACELETS!!! LIKE, for realsies Made For Trading At This Show Specifically bracelets, it was suuuuch a delight, so in addition to my eclectic collection from the previous gigs I now also have one that says RAW DATA FEEL with some truly choice glow in the dark bric-a-brac on there as well, and my heart was so warm aaaaaah. fwiendship :) Also spotted in the pre-doors queue were the Pizza Boy costumed guy and a woman I met at Foals in 2019?? who I guess automatically recognizes me because of the green hair, but just. omg. the community!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!

There was a slight will-call kerfuffle that nevertheless did not stop me from being dead center dead at the front right in front of where jonathan's mic was destined to be, and I was like. god. here we go. the home stretch. This was ABSOLUTELY the WORST place to be to be pretending to be interested in pierre's set, because he kept looking straight at me and dog I gotta admit four shows in I was feeling pretty tired. like, the energy of E E Itself was going to fully reinvigorate me, but nearly everything else on the planet was like totally disinteresting and I wasn't really up for it, especially when it's my semi-sex-repulsed ace-spectrum ass being just really put off by the suggestive gyrations of a performer that is not to my tastes. UM SORRY BYE HAHA. they didn't even play the one song I kind of liked. I managed to miss like two and a half songs of his set being still locked in the merch line at least lmao. literally WHILE I WAS STANDING IN THE MERCH LINE they sold out of the yellow shirt and I couldn't get me and francis matchies so I had to get them the black instead :( but thankfully they still had the one Adrian wanted because idk what I would have done if I had to scramble for a plan B with him on short notice haha. and I had EXACTLY enough cash for the two shirts left from the day before and I was paying Tour Manager Sam with it like oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is like my sweaty pocket cash from last night this is kinda gross and she was just like, No actually that's honestly exactly how I've been rolling as well and it is kind of gross so like agreed hahaha. She's the best. Idk how long she'll be tenured to them but I'd love to see her continue to exist in like their coterie moving forward. impeccable vibes.

also used merch waiting as a way to distribute more bracelets and get a drink of water! WOOHOO NOW I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY COMMUNION THANK YOU. they put the setlists down and there was a very small fraction of me that wanted to avert my eyes but like I. I had to know. and annika said yes there are new songs in the list. and I peered into the list and my song was there.

hey guys. hey guys? look, this was for me. I have to be honest with you. i manifested this. by being annoying on twitter. by being god's specialest costume-making donut-gifting bracelet-slinging weirdo. I'm owning it and it's mine. I was exactly EXACTLY right with "well, if they put Engine Room in they'll probably take Leviathan out, because they'd kind of fill the same role of slow moody song in the set, and then they'll probably swap in a different non-Man Alive song to compensate for Engine Room being there instead," and this is exactly what happened, and so then not only did I get Engine Room but I also got REGRET, WHICH IS ALSO AN EMILY THREEPWILLOW PLIABLE HEAD SONG, BECAUSE HERE THESE NERDLORD KINGSHIT BANDBOYS ARE IN MY GODDAMN BACK YARD, they're in my house and god it took me the whole fucking set up to then to just prepare, like I had to try not to think about it so I could enjoy what was right in front of me. God it was so fucking, fucking good. our position along the stage had Alex's stuff REALLY forward in the mix which was kind of new for me, but jon was just right there and every time I lifted my hands to dance and to yearn it was like, the only thing stopping me from touching you is my own sense of propriety and not any kind of physical barrier or distance, and the person immediately behind me was seeing the band for the first time and felt similarly about NOTLK as I did to Engine Room and those two songs were literally back to back in the set so we kind of screamed and cried and died together, I gave her a huge hug, and LOL SORRY NOT SORRY THAT I GOT MY KZ AND LEVIATHAN TAKEN OUT OF THE SETLIST FOR Y'ALL, PITTSBURGH, I DO FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT THIS WAS UMMM IMPORTANT TO ME, THANK YOU, goodbye. goodbye I left the planet. I thought I was going to cry and I nearly did but I didn't, but I did actually maybe start hyperventilating. like I'm glad I knew it was coming ahead of time because if it had been a full surprise I think whatever was happening to my lungs would have been exponentially worse and I may have even fainted.

(which, btw: jonathan. jon. when he came out on stage, he almost immediately got his mic cable caught on the edge of where his setlist was taped down, and in jerking it around, he whipped the setlist up off the floor and way upstage toward where Pete was; when he finally put it to rights and taped it back down, he just left it where it was at, far enough away from me that I definitely could not read it anymore; and like DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE? TO MOVE IT OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, TO MAYBE KEEP ME FROM READING IT? SURELY YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I'D ALREADY SEEN IT LIKE 15 MINUTES AGO. NICE TRY BUT IT'S TOO LATE I SAW EVERYTHING. i love him. i'm in physical pain.)

knowing this was my final one, I went so, so, incredibly hard, I let myself dance and mosh and scream and take way more pics and videos than I had before, I leaned on the lip of the stage, I had an absolute fucking blast. When the set was over a few other people who were more strategically positioned (i.e. people who had not had their most easily accessible setlists unceremoniously yoinked several feet away) snatched up the closest ones way quick; there was a general tension in the crowd at being able to see jon's, but it being further away out of reach, and one ballsy-ass kid (the "Kevin" person who'd accompanied the pizza boy person) actually clambored up onto the stage and ninja'd over and took it for himself, which inspired two copycats to do the same for some discarded guitar picks (and all of which definitely provoked a very loud, unimpressed, authoritative barking of "HEY!!!" from some security somewhere, like, they definitely shouldn't have done that!! yikes!!!!). I, instead, very patiently waited for an opportune moment to get the attention of their short king guitar tech as he was running around doing teardown, and someone else flagged him first and got pete's setlist, and in my final moments I got him to get me mike's. Gang, I'm gonna be real with you, I was not leaving my Pittsburgh hometown show in which they played Leave The fucking Engine Room without a setlist. there would've been blood or at the very least tears. so like. thank god lmao. Satisfied, we got some water and then headed out!!!

It was a long, chilly wait for the boys outside--god, the chilliness was REFRESHING, though, it's October for crying out loud, and DC and Philly and NY had all been muggy sweaty hot with no need for even long pants, much less a jacket, but I was glad I'd had the forethought to wear my flannel around my waist to cover up the YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT printed around the ass of my shorts on my walk over to deter questions, lmfao. We easily identified the spot on the side of the venue where we assumed the guys were coming out, it was all just a matter of time. (AG and I getting some confusing-to-parse messages from Becky? Idk my phone was SUPER dying so I was trying to leave it on airplane as much as possible, I didn't even make it to the end of the night, RIP needing to use my map all day in the car and even with it plugged in spending more than I was juicing of the battery. Listen i needed PICS and VIDEOS!!) I saw Jon first, and he almost looked past me before spotting me there because I was pretty close to the corner of the block, and I just stared at him, and said, May I hug you. and he said, of course! and I hugged him so long and so hard just like, thank you, I was extremely emotional then and I'm also getting extremely emotional now just typing about it, and he was like omg haha what for? Coming to your town? and I was like coming to my town and playing my SONG!!! And then he said something with the tone of a snarky teasy joke but that was like flusteringly truthful underneath about them legitimately rearranging the set quite a lot for me, and I have not stopped screaming internally since then, and Jeremy joked that I'd just seen the exact same set three times and they felt they ought to give me at least something new ha ha ha but like it wasn't entirely a joke, and I just don't even know how to process this. i am perishèd in the soil. anyhow.

I wanted both my setlist and my Supernormal EP vinyl signed by all the boys, and I managed this with relatively little doing ("A deep cut!" jeremy remarks of the supernormal, haha), but I didn't want to be crowding them and getting in the way of other people getting lad time, so I kind of took a backseat and just talked when the time was right, but Jon did kind of keep wanting to talk to me. We talked about the new song, and we talked about the donuts I sent over--oh my GOD, because I was like, they're from that place over there, you can see the big neon donut sign from here! haha, and he was like dyou know what, I knew that's where they were from, because I went over there earlier in the day and got one for myself, I got a huckleberry one and I came back with it and everyone was like, what's that, they were very jealous, and then not too long after that this box of loads of them just shows up-- And like I am a donut fairy psychic wizard. Also everyone who is ever in Pittsburgh should go to Oliver's donuts and eat their fabulously good products. I will shill for them literally any day of the week. This is the second band I have given Oliver's to this year. I cannot be stopped. ANYWAY. i honestly almost could have written that prediction on an envelope and sealed it, that they'd end up wandering in there on their own only for me to send them some too. i was so tickled that jon got the huckleberry one because it's their signature flavor and it's SO PINK and allegra and I had just decided the night before that jon higgs is hot pink coded. like, in the universe where they are dyeing their hair multicolors for the lore. anyhow. it's good shit.

i had SO much fun after this show, even though it was so chilly and dark and we were scrungling around on a literal street corner outside a wine and spirits store, I was like holding people's things so they could get pics and signatures, I was showing off my supernormal booty shorts, I was talking to Jon about lore----- ohhh, my god, I had exactly two bracelets left when the night was over, literally the end of my stash, and it was one Final Form FIRST BODY LAST BODY that I said, y'know, I'm going to save this for my bestie francis when I send them the shirt, because that's the lyric I wanna get a tattoo of, and it'll match with my PLIABLE HEAD bracelet, and it'll be another sort of besties matching thing; and my one lone AKON IN THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE bracelet that remained, where I'd kind of said, well, if this one doesn't find the right home tonight, then at the end of the night I'm going to give it to Jon too. So I dug in my bag and passed it off, and he was like "what does this one say.... kon... Akon... Akon in the house--what is--OH AND THERE'S A LITTLE BUTTERFLY ON THERE, God--" and he was GRINNING and he was SO TICKLED BY IT and Jez chimed in with just like "The attention to detail--" and Jon was like "this is my favorite one actually," he LOVED IT AND I WAS SO CHARMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, and then he offered me up something like "you kno-ow, this, the song, of this, there's actually a reference to it in something, something you've never heard-- and--that you never will," doing his cryptic Jon troll grin, "the one thing that didn't make it," with the implied end of that sentence being "onto the album," and 'album' in this case being implied to be Raw Data Feel, which they have very publicly said that for once was an album where they just put everything on and didn't cull any songs or reserve any bonus tracks to release later or whatever. So I said, "Oh, from the one that we've been told had no cuts...?" also not explicitly saying RDF, and his answer to that was vague/nondescript enough but was probably an affirmative, but then he did follow that up with "that's lore that's SO far down the line, WAY WAY out there," and god, just, how deep does this man's brain and nonsense even fucking go. how far into the future is there LORE. BOTTOMLESS!!! I am obsessed with him. i cannot stress enough how blorbo he is to me.

The shorts came back up in conversation too ("Sorry, let me just look quite closely at your ass for a moment--" "It's okay, the shorts are designed that way--") and him saying, yeah, we do talk about some of the costumes still, and then segueing into asking if I had plans for this year and what I was doing, and I said, maybe, I'm not sure if I want to tell you, and he said, Is it to do with us, and I said, Neither confirm nor deny, and he said, Well if it's not, then, I want to know, with kind of a 'duh' tone ahahaha because like true there would be no reason to be coy if it was nothing to do with E E at all, and I explained that like I kind of have to have two costumes ("of course you do."), WELL because y'know the E E ones don't really play to or land with the general populace (a very cheeky "No!") so I have, just, one that's for going to parties, and one that's for fucking around on the internet. He seemed to find that acceptable hahaha.

Anyway what I REALLY wanted with wearing the Supernormal shorts was a group pic of all five of us normal frontways, and then a group pic of all five of us facing backward/ass to the camera a la the picture of them outside the White House, where you could see the goof of my shorts but also all of their butts, but this was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER TO DO when it was so dark that phone cameras were taking everything long-exposure, and also they'd all had just enough beer to not really be following on what the bit was. Absolute shit results on the backwards pic because I couldn't, y'know, see to coordinate it, because I had my back turned. (Me yelling, "Not just MY butt, EVERYONE'S butts, come on!!" into the streets of Lawrenceville.) Utter failure. Didn't care. I love these fucking guys. The vibe was finally kind of winding down, closing-time energy, the guys still had to get on the bus to Boston right away even with tomorrow being their day off, it was a Boston day off and not a Pittsburgh day off where I could offer them free ice cream sadly, so they all sort of bowed sweetly out. Jon gave me his like, I Am Part Of The Band clearance ID badge from the venue, kind of out of nowhere, he was like "sorry this is all I have to give you, it's the least I could do," and I was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME SO M-- YOU COULD DO WAY LESS ??? but I guess now I have that, too. I tried to give him the King Of Oil sign from my fatberg costume, which I'd initially brought because I thought it would be a fun photo taking prop but the photo situation was the aforementioned disaster so that never really came to any fruition at all, so I was just going to gift it to them, and he said "My suitcase is already so full of so much random shit-- that you've given us--" and then right as he was leaving he just said "Thank you for being such a weirdo" with a voice full of all the kindness and affection in the world and I just yelled "ANY TIME!!" and then oh so tragically the night had to be over.

it's been nice, though, because I'm so used to driving the long drive home at the end of an adventure and having that signify the end, of getting to the end of the car ride and having nothing beyond that but the rest of my regular life; and this time, I drove all the way home, but when I got there, the adventure was still happening, right in my neighborhood, right down the street, and all I had to do was walk back home alone in the dark and climb into my own bed at the end of a long and beautiful night. i can already tell that this is going to be one of my most special memories basically forever, and now every time I drive or ride the bus to and from work each day I will be passing by the place where Everything Everything performed Leave The Engine Room for me, and that's so profoundly special that I don't even have words to describe it. I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the people its gravity pulls in to orbit around it, I'm just so goddamn happy. I don't even know what to say or how to end this.

#everything everything #e e #RDF US tour 2023 #this has been a post #jonathan fucking higgs. #god. #they all just like. referred to me plainly by my name a lot more than i was expecting in a way that was overwhelming #like to one another/other people and not just to me directly #i exist???? sounds fake #i will be thinking about this week for a hundred thousand years #my pliable head IS a walking hope thank you so much for NOTICING!!!!!! #pics to follow maybe on here but maybe just on twitter #where I am yes you guessed it @pliablehead if people want to lurk and see #ok fucking goodnight

[sweetlemonad]

I haven’t posted here in YEARS, but I wanted to take place in @linked-universe-discord Weekly Prompt, so I was GOING to share this using AO3 but I didn’t know there was a queue to get in, so this was plan D! I’ll share the link whenever I’m able to post on AO3, but until then… Here is my first ever shared fanfic!

Weekly Prompt 210: Lyricstuck

(Basically create something using a song and LU/LoZ)

Song: I Know I’m a Wolf by Young Heretics

(YouTube Link):

Lyrics:

Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you

The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew

That this blood on my teeth it is far beyond dry

And I've captured you once but I wasn't quite right

So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me.

Oh rabbit, my claws are dull now so don't be afraid

I could keep you warm as long as you can just try to be brave

Yes I know I'm a wolf and I've been known to bite

But the rest of my pack, I have left them behind

And my teeth may be sharp and I've been raised to kill

But the thought of fresh meat, it is making me ill

So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me.

So rabbit please stop looking the other way

It's cold out there so why not stay here

Under my tail.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This FanFic is a “What If the Shadow Crystal not only turned Twilight and Legend into animals but, due to its dark origins, gave them their animal instincts as well…?”

ENJOY!

Cw: blood, injury, and possible death scene

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legend pulled hard on the Shadow Crystal’s broken strap. “I understand the use you get out of this thing, but it’s changing you, and not in a good way!”

Twilight tugged the other side closer to him, a flash of fury filled his mind at Legend’s words. “It’s more than its use! It’s all I have left of her!” Her. Midna. When Twilight found that the Shadow Crystal had been left behind, he knew he would have to protect it. Keep it close. It was his only way of feeling close to her.

Twilight’s and Legend’s seemingly unending tug-of-war continued, but Legend held new sympathy in gaze. “Look, I understand. Really, I do. If I had something… anything… left from Koholint, I’d react the same way. But… this is causing you to lash out, and we’re worried it’ll only get worse. You have to stop using it!”

Deep inside, Twilight knew Legend was right. Ever since he’d gotten better from the mysterious sickness that had almost killed him, he’d been feeling more and more like he was losing control. He was losing patience with the others more easily, and had nearly started a fight with another traveler for disturbing a hunt while he was in wolf form. Just ten minutes ago, Legend had offered to come with him while on patrol. Twilight thought he’d wanted to help, to make sure his brother was alright after suffering not too long ago, but instead, he’d been betrayed. Betrayed by the person he’d called a brother.

With one last tug, fueled by rage at the thought of being betrayed, Twilight grabbed the Shadow Crystal directly. He would be stronger in his wolf form after all. What he wasn’t expecting was for Legend’s attempt to stop him, only to touch the Crystal at the same time.

—————————

Legend felt his body meld and shift as it had once before. The time he’d turned into a pink bunny. Sure enough, when his body felt stable, he looked down to see his hands had became pink paws once again! He growled to himself. He looked up, expecting to see Twilight’s amused face, but instead, saw the form of Wolfie!

Can the Shadow Crystal change two people at once?! he wondered.

“Hey… uh… Wolfie? I know you said it was possible to turn back after wielding the Master Sword, but how do you do that, exactly?”

Although Legend knew he was talking to Twilight, he still felt weird expecting an answer from a wolf. However, upon watching Twilight a few moments longer, Legend sensed something was off, even for his wolf form. Twilight seemed to be scratching at his face as though something had landed on it. He was growling slightly as well.

“Is uh… is something wrong there, Rancher?” Legend took a step closer to him.

Upon hearing this, Twilight’s wolf form tensed up, hair raising up his back. Seeming to have forgotten about whatever was on his face, he slowly looked up, right into Legend’s eyes.

This wasn’t Twilight. It couldn’t be! This wolf’s eyes were berry red, while his were grayish-blue! And they glared at him! But everything else—the fur, the symbol over his forehead, even the shackle on his front leg— it was all Twilight.

When those red eyes glared at Legend, he could feel his own fur stand on end, his long ears flattening against his back, and every part of his body telling him to run!

Run! Run! RUN!!!

But this wasn’t right… Legend couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt such fear looking into the eyes of a beast. He was no coward!

The wolf took a slow step towards him.

RUN!

Legend’s own thoughts seemed to dissipate with each quick breath he took. His small heart beating fast in his chest, thoughts were becoming less human and more animal. More prey-like.

RUN!!! RUN!!!

————————

The wolf’s ears twitched. Something was nearby. He slowly raised his head, forgetting about whatever had hurt him, and only seeing a small, pink bunny.

Hunt!

Something in the back of his mind made him hesitate. He shouldn’t hunt this bunny, right? But… why? It was dumb prey that had gotten too close!

He took a step towards the little creature, the movement causing the thing to cower low to the ground. Its eyes seemed to change color, too. Only for a moment from blue to purple to blue again. Once again, the wolf felt that tug, almost telling him to stop.

HUNT!

The instinct of an animal is almost impossible to ignore.

————————

The wolf lunged at the bunny as soon as he ran, its sharp fangs grazed his flank, just missing him!

RUN! RUN! RUN!

The bunny’s mind raced as fast as he ran. He could hear the wolf’s powerful paws plowing through the snow behind him. His hind leg stung from the wolf’s miss, causing him to clumsily fall to his side. He closed his eyes tightly, expecting the end, but nothing happened. Slowly, the bunny opened his eyes.

Then suddenly Legend remembered who he was!

“What in Hylia’s name was that about?” he wondered aloud.

The wolf—or Twilight—seemed to be confused too. He looked almost dizzy, but his eyes had returned to normal.

“Link?” Legend began, hesitantly, putting nicknames aside. “What happened?”

Twilight’s eyes, still normal, widened as he looked at Legend. He slowly lifted a paw up to his muzzle, rubbed it, then stared at the bloody smear that appeared on his paw. He looked mortified.

Legend looked at his side, examining the near-bite. It didn’t look so bad, but a thin line of blood had begun to fall from it. He looked back at Twilight who had closed his eyes tightly and clenched his teeth.

“It’s… it’s alright,” Legend said. “It’s only a scratch! I know it wasn’t really you that—“

Twilight’s eyes snapped open. They were bright red again!

Run! Run! RUN!!!

The bunny didn’t hesitate this time. Following his animal instincts, he ran for his life!

For a long time, the bunny and the wolf ran on an endless plain of snow. No place to hide, no time to burrow, no chance of escape! But on his right, the bunny saw a forest.

The first thing he did when entering the forest was dive into a bush. The twigs poked him on every part of his body, but his fear kept him from noticing.

The wolf had fallen behind enough to where he seemed to have lost the bunny, who watched as the wolf sniffed the air. But a little ways behind the wolf, the bunny thought he caught a glimpse of something golden.

What are you doing?!

Something in the back of the bunny’s mind stirred, uncomfortably.

You are a wielder of the Triforce of Courage! Be brave, Bunny Brain!

Legend shook his head out of the fearful trance. That was right! What the heck was he doing acting all cowardly like that? He was NOT going to be another Ravio!

Legend looked outside his leafy shelter. Wolf-Twilight’s eyes were still red, but they had been able to return to normal not long ago. Legend could still save his brother!

Run! Run! Run!

His animal instincts were going haywire. He closed his eyes and stepped out of the bush.

Shut up!

————————

The wolf licked his lips as the little, pink bunny emerged from a bush.

This poor thing doesn’t understand anything, does it?

The wolf was ready to pounce when the bunny sat up on its hind legs. It was squeaking at him. Only… something wasn’t right… The bunny wasn’t squeaking.

The wolf heard something behind him, he quickly turned to see what it was. He thought he saw something golden, but it vanished before he could catch a good glimpse of it.

Could it be…?

Twilight snapped back to who he was.

VET!

He looked back at the little bunny who was Legend. How could he have lost himself like that!? He remembered that, not long ago, he was warned against using the Shadow Crystal, before wielding the Master Sword. He’d thought he would be safe from turning evil. Was that no longer true?

Legend’s arms were out, almost like he was going to embrace him. “It’s me! Link, it’s me! Don’t forget who you are! I know you can fight it!”

Twilight whined, being unable to speak in his wolf form. He wanted to apologize, to tell Legend that he was right, he should’ve just let Legend take that darn Shadow Crystal!

Hunt.

The powerful voice returned to his mind. Twilight shut his eyes from the force of it.

Hunt!

He could feel his whole body tremble from the effort to keep the wolf in him at bay.

“You can control it!” Legend’s words were fading in and out. Twilight felt a soft paw touch his leg.

DON’T DO THAT! Please!

HUNT!

Twilight clenched his teeth harder. Then the wolf felt the bunny’s soft fur. So close. And the smell of fresh meat.

BITE!!!

————————

RUN!!

Legend was trying so hard not to listen to his bunny instincts. Trying too hard.

He didn’t see how close the wolf’s teeth were until it was too late.

————————

Twilight heard another wolf’s howling not too far away. There was something soft in his mouth.

He felt faint and sick as he dropped the small creature. The howl had stopped him from biting too hard, but the damage had already been done.

Legend’s bunny form fell limply into the snow, which was already turning red around him.

No… NO!

The world seemed to be spinning around Twilight, causing him to nearly lose his footing. Legend’s pink fur was becoming dark and wet!

Twilight hardly took notice of the other wolf until it was right in front of him. He snarled at it, thinking it was going to run off with Legend, but quickly stopped when he saw it was none other than his own mentor: the Hero’s Shade in his own wolf form.

But this couldn’t be Time, not the Time they’d been traveling with this whole time, anyway. This had to be a phantom, like before. It’s form slightly transparent and glowing.

Twilight’s ears flattened in shame as he met the other wolf’s disapproving eye. It lifted its paw and gently placed it on Legend’s trembling body. The moment the Golden Wolf made contact, Legend turned back into his human form.

Twilight didn’t have time to feel relief, for the Golden Wolf came closer to Twilight, its large form towering over him.

Twilight sunk low to the ground. I messed up, I know I did! I was supposed to protect him!

Twilight felt his body change back to its human form as it had countless times before. The Shadow Crystal fell away into the snow, the strap broken, split into two stretched parts.

The Golden Wolf gave one last glare at Twilight before picking up the Crystal and walking away. It’s form vanishing, seemingly into mist.

Taking away Twilight’s most useful tool in battle.

Taking away Twilight’s only treasure from Midna.

But Twilight wasn’t worried about any of those things at the moment.

“Rancher?”

Twilight jumped to Legend’s side as soon as he heard his pained voice. He was alive! “Careful, Veteran. Don’t sit up.”

Twilight examined Legend’s wounds. Although they looked bad when he was in his bunny form, the wounds looked even worse now that his clothes were soaking up the blood.

“I knew you could break free from… that curse.” Legend's voice was fading as he closed his eyes, looking far away.

“Link, you need to stay awake!” Twilight could feel his own body shaking, and not from the cold. His throat tightened. “This is my fault.”

“It was… the wolf. Not you.” Legend’s voice was hardly audible.

“But you told me to stop using that darn Crystal! I was too attached to it to know what was best. I became the wolf!”

Legend didn’t respond, his breathing slowed, but he was also shaking. The snow!

Twilight took off his Wolf-pelt jacket and laid it over Legend. He didn’t want to look at the bloodstained tunic any longer. Tears fell from Twilight’s eyes, tears of guilt, shame, and fear. He wiped them away

Right now, he had to save his brother, and he had to find help fast!

#linked universe #lu #lu legend #lu twilight #lu fanfiction #Youtube

[pinkkami]

Next to you - p.js

Blaring music, sweaty bodies, and alcohol: a summary of the usual clubbing experience. Although I never was a regular club-goer, I had to admit it hit the spot sometimes, especially as a stressed second-year university student who needed a bit of release every once in a while. And after a strenuous week packed with midterms, a night out was exactly what my body craved.

"I don't know if I can survive another week of midterms..." Rei mumbled as we were waiting in line to enter the club. Rolling my eyes, I turned to her and gently gripped her shoulders.

"Rei, right now I need you to focus on the fact that we're about to get absolutely plastered. You can worry about the future tomorrow" My words managed to coax a smile out of her, and I shot her a grin in response. Rei, my best friend since we had met back in our freshman year of high school. Her sweet demeanor and fierce loyalty were apparent from the first time we met, despite her shyness, and I immediately knew I wanted to pursue a friendship with her. Now, five years later, we were inseparable despite attending different colleges. She was an art major at Iwha University while I studied law at Seoul University.

"Wony's already inside with Yujin, and Hanni should be on her way here with Yunjin" my friend reminded me, and I nodded absentmindedly while scanning the clubs' queue for familiar faces.

"Also Heeseung will be there with his friends" My eyes immediately shifted toward Rei as she smiled slyly.

"You're kidding" She shook her head and pulled out her phone to show me that Heeseung had posted a story on Instagram just a couple minutes ago at the establishment we were about to enter. I squealed and hugged Rei.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed excitedly. You see, Heeseung had been my campus crush for about two years now. He was majoring in Business Administration along with our friend Yunjin, so I was able to meet him through her. His perfect smile and round eyes pulled me in from the moment we met and I had been smitten ever since. Although we texted every now and then, we were merely acquaintances, and I had been wanting to get closer to him for quite a while.

Once we got past the bouncers and left our coats in the cloakroom, the nervousness started to be replaced with excitement.

"Do you think I should shoot my shot?" I asked Rei.

"Absolutely! You've been infatuated with him for months, it's about time" She nodded encouragingly, and I bit my lower lip considering it.

"Let's just see how the night evolves, but first we need to find our friends"

We eventually located Wonyoung and Yujin having a drink by the bar. They greeted us with a warm hug and we wasted no time in heading to the dance floor. Soon after, Hanni and Yunjin joined us, blaming their tardiness on everyone but themselves.

At some point during the night, we bumped into Heeseungs' group and got to mingling. There were four of them in total, but I only really knew Heesung and Jay. I had met the latter a few months back at one of Yunjin's gigs, where they both performed with electric guitars. Even though his sharp eyes and defined jaw made him appear intimidating, he was extremely kind and polite once you engaged in a conversation with him. After that, I didn't expect to see him again, but he actually attended the same university as me, so we occasionally ran into each other around campus.

While both groups got to talking, I managed to sneak a couple of glances at Heeseung. Tonight he had combed back his dark hair thus exposing his forehead, making him seem even more handsome than usual. Then again, it may have been the alcohol talking. As distracted as I was, I failed to notice Jay walking in my direction.

"Hey Y/N!" I jumped slightly as my eyes met the young man's.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you" he chuckled while scratching his neck. I quickly shook my head.

"Don't apologize! I was just, somewhere else, I guess" I smiled apologetically, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. Jay nodded and looked over his shoulder.

"This place is packed tonight, huh?" he mentioned.

"Yep, and there are too many freshmen" I complained.

"I mean, we were all freshmen once" Jay replied, stifling a laugh. As I opened my mouth to voice my very strong opinion on this year's freshmen, I was met with a sight that made my throat go dry.

A few feet behind Jay, Heeseung was busy with his tongue down another girl's throat. Suddenly, my face felt very hot, and an all too familiar knot formed in my stomach. As much as I wanted to look away from the scene, my eyes were glued to their figures. Jay noticed the abrupt change in my demeanor and turned around, following my eyes. Judging from the pitiful glance he spared me, he had understood the situation all too quickly. Thankfully, Wonyoung stepped in and pulled me away, sitting me down on a stool next to the bar counter.

"I'm taking you home" my worried friend insisted, but I shook my head profusely. I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster

"No way, Wony! I don't plan on ruining your night just because I got my feelings hurt. Besides..." I leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

"Didn't you have something planned for tonight?" Wonyoung turned beet red, stealing a quick glance at Yujin.

"That's not important! I can talk to her another ti-"

"That's what you always say! Seriously, if I don't hear an update from you tomorrow, I'm telling her myself" At this, she chuckled, but she still seemed hesitant to leave me alone, so I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster.

"Seriously, I'm fine Wony, I just want to go home, is all" This was enough to convince my friend, and we parted ways with a warm hug.

The cold air hit my face the moment I stepped out of the club. I tightened my fluffy scarf around my neck and began making my way towards my apartment. Thankfully, I only lived a few minutes on foot from the establishment, so I didn't have to rely on public transport.

I had only been walking for barely a minute when I heard someone calling my name.

"Y/N! Wait up!" I turned around, confused as to who it could be, and to my dismay, it was none other than Jay, who had seen the whole ordeal.

"Wonyoung told me you were heading out, and I wanted to walk you home" he smiled once he caught up with me, coaxing a shy grin out of me. He had always been a gentleman.

"Don't worry about me, I live super close!" I tried explaining, but Jay brushed me off. I sighed and just as I was about to begin small talk, the man spoke up.

"Are you okay?" I looked up at him, surprised to find his worry-filled eyes boring into mine. I quickly nodded, trying to seem as non-chalant as I possibly could.

"It just surprised me, is all! I thought he was single" I managed to utter out in an attempt to justify my strange reaction.

"He is single though" Jay noted. Maybe that should have made me feel better, but to be frank, it did exactly the opposite of that. It essentially confirmed the fact that he probably would have made a move on me if he were interested in me. And since he had never done so, not even once, it was safe to assume that he wasn't into me.

"Y/N?" Jay's voice snapped me out of my thoughts with a start, and I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, I'm really tired, I can barely function" I wasn't sure that he would buy such a lame excuse, but he simply nodded and proceeded to swiftly change the subject. At some point, he insisted on carrying the extra bag I had brought, which had a couple of spare sweaters in it. I always make sure to bring spare outerwear to outings with friends in case any of them get cold.

After a couple of minutes, we were standing in front of my flat's door. I turned around and thanked Jay profusely for accompanying me.

"You don't need to thank me for being a decent human being. I couldn't let you walk home alone at this hour" he firmly stated with a wide smile plastered on his face. I smiled back at him and entered my apartment. The moment I closed the door, I curled into a ball on the floor. The image of Heeseung kissing that girl was burned into my mind, and all I could do was pity myself for not being the type of girl he liked.

Realistically, it was ridiculous to cry over a man I hadn't even dated. Nevertheless, over the past year, I had developed strong feelings for him. It seemed as though they were unrequited in the end.

Tears streamed down my face as I reminisced about a relationship that never happened, and soon, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Wh-why am I never the first choice?" I wept aloud, leaning against my front door.

Jay's POV:

"Shit, I forgot to give this back to her"

It was only when he had already arrived at his apartment that Jay realized he had forgotten to hand Y/N her bag back. He sighed exasperatedly and quickly made his way back to the young woman's flat. Thankfully they lived in the same apartment complex, so in less than a minute, he had arrived.

As Jay was about to ring the doorbell, he heard faint sobs coming from behind the door. He hesitated for a second, thinking he might have gotten the apartment wrong, but his doubts were quickly dismissed when he heard Y/N's shaky voice speak.

What he heard made him frown deeply, and he decided he would return the sweaters at a better time. As Jay walked back to his own apartment, he quietly whispered: "You are... you always have been"

#jay #enhypen #enha #heeseung #jay x reader #enha x reader #kpop #kpop bg #friends to lovers #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #unrequited crush #pinning #slow burn #college #university #alternate universe

[winged-wolf-s-collection-of-arts]

pinned post! latest edit: April the 10th

Howdy!!! I'm Doc, or Wolfy, or whatever name you want to use. Any pronouns are fine!

I have an unreliable sleep schedule/forgetful/message notifications don’t show up- so if you need me uhh keep yelling until I notice? Aaahhh...

Not a system! I have a dozen sonas/fursonas (not sarcasm) (I hope you plural peeps have a good day-)

I put reblogs in a queue or schedule!! If I like an art post of your but don't reblog, don't worry, it'll be out in a week or so.

--

Tag list, ordered by most common to least common in each category. Starting with my personal tags, then general navigation tags.

Art tag: wolfys art (my art), 2022 artchive (specifically my art from 2022)

Cool art by pals: grand showcase of arts

Doc says something: wolf chats

All art month challenges: Just Here To Have Fun

Kiley and co stuff (commonwealth setting): little wastrels

NOTE the au is getting rebooted so old stuff is not canon.

second fallout au (island setting, custom location for an rp): badlands crew

My main story stuff, not fallout: Split Fates au

posts I think my ocs would like: jeanposting, jerposting

-

Other aus- SCP Jailbreak!, museums monsters n marvels, voidspace crew, When Multiverses Collide, eternal spring

I kind of hit my story with a hammer and it shattered into a million pieces. oops

--

Misc fandom tags: fallout, whump stuff, bg3, doctor who, ace attorney, hermitcraft, qsmp, warrior cats, good omens

Misc common tags: described (posts with image or video ID), michaelnordeman (his animal photography), birds, food

important tags: reblogging for future reference (general tips), promo (friends news), boost (donation posts), flashing, eyestrain, psa

"You have to reblog!" And similar phrases: rebait

Subcategories of tips tags: drawing tips, writing tips, fave (personal favourites), cooking tips, health tips, tech tips. (more to be added soon)

Note- these are not tagged reliably: ghouls, zombies, blood, skeletons, suggestive, insects, spiders, guns, drug use, smoking, all caps, partial nudity, death

--

Characters that frequently appear are... ( updated 10 April, more descriptions to be added soon, please hold!)

Rabbit: A human-sized anthro rabbit! Light grey and white fur, green eyes. Usually in a grey suit with a green tie and gold scarf- or in white robes with gold jewelry. Sometimes drawn with long curved gold colored horns.

Wolfy: A cartoony anthro wolf, exactly five feet tall! Medium grey fur, has oval mirrors (with two shine marks) in place of eyes, and has grey and purple wings and a bird tail over his wolf tail. Always in a medium grey suit with a purple tie. Sometimes drawn with deerlike antlers.

Parsure: Looks like a blonde and light skinned human dude with dull blue eyes! He has shoulder-length hair with jagged bangs, and has a goatee and mustache. Always wears jeans, a white t shirt, red converse shoes, and a leather jacket. There's a large red bullseye on the back of the jacket. There's patches on the left sleeve: A red X symbol, and a night sky with a black stripe down the right side. On the right sleeve: A yellow axe symbol, and grey hexagon with a blue and orange background.

Jerome Drew (should be updated to Jerome Heulwen, I'll get to it soon), <- my main guy :D

Rev -(belongs to hollyrosecheeks),

Vince: A were-snow leopard! Um. Imagine a snow leopard, but with gold eyes.

Jodie: A were-pine-marten! Like a ferret but bigger, brown furred with white patches on the face and chest.

Kiley: (new oc, aaaah- I will redo my reference soon)

Jean: (probably) human dude with short brown hair! Wears a full mask that looks like a crow’s face. Usually wears a white shirt, grey vest and tie, grey slacks, and brown dress shoes. Sometimes wears a simple black jacket. Or a scarecrow's hat and black gloves.

--

Psst if you have a spare dollar can you pass it along to my pal Fern!

Cashapp: cash.app/$AustinToach

PayPal: paypal.me/AustinStidham

Venmo: venmo.com/u/Austin-Toach

uh if you show me you've donate something I'll draw you a doodle-

--

End of the post! Have a good day, wahoo

#pinned post #ocs should have names capitalized in the post tags! #some characters' names change depending on au and time. uhhhh don't worry about it :] #pulling a “that's not my neighbor” and switching up “always” and “usually”- it's lore important ahaha

[celticcrossanon]

Celta, thank you for your post on your experiences with angels, God and Heaven. I keep asking God to send me an unmistakable sign that He and Heaven and the Angels exist but so far, nothing. Actress Jennifer Garner acted in a film that's a true story called "Miracles from Heaven." FYI: the film was not as accurate as the book (which I enjoyed). "MfH" inspires me to keep going, despite being afraid there's nothing beyond this lifetime. You're lucky to have felt the presence of angels, Celta. :)

Hi Nonny,

I don't want to sound full of myself, but maybe, just maybe, the stories you read on this blog are one of the signs that God is sending you. I know I debated whether to tell my story or not, and in the end I decided to do so in case someone else needed to hear it, and the reader who sent me the other story said the same thing. Maybe that was us being prompted so you had a sign. :)

I know there is something beyond this lifetime. It is both faith and an eyewitness account - my grandfather saw Heaven as he lay dying, and he saw his deceased wife waiting for him, and his last two sentences were about that. He was a pastor for all of his life and he would not lie about something like that, so I believe him.

Have you looked for angel feathers? Angels sometimes drop bird feathers when they are near us, so if you find a feather on your path it is a sign that an angel is watching over you.

I find that most signs come in the form of ordinary things, not extraordinary things. A message out of the blue that says what you need to hear, turning left instead of right and avoiding an accident, finding a car spot or a trolley or a short queue exactly when it is most needed - these are all signs that angels are watching over us and caring for us. I'm wondering if you are getting signs but you are not seeing them as signs because they are ordinary events - tiny miracles in plain clothing.

I'm glad you have your book MfH to keep you going. We all need something like that at various stages in our life.

I think you have angels in your life. I hope they can make themselves known to you in a way that you recognise.

[wiiwarechronicles]

i wanna know everything about parfait eret love herrrr

This is a HEFTY ramble sorry in advance. Here’s an Eret doodle for forgiveness ❤️

When Eret was a teenager she made good friends with a group of totem people, one of which was of course Foolish! Back when Eret was younger being related to herobrine had a certain stigma around it, other people associated her with death and destruction because of her ancestry so Eret was sort of a social outcast </3 Though Eret has withering abilities the totems taught her healing magic too. And throughout all of their travels together the group became almost living legends! They spent almost a hundred years together and Eret learned all sorts of magic. Though as the years went by their numbers decreased until it was just eternal duo, who split up after foolish killed an entire village.

I don’t know exactly how Eret lost their memories but it wasn’t all too long ago. She already lived alone in her castle but after being wiped clean they threw themself into full blown isolation. Just wandering through this dark labyrinth filled with objects they didn’t recognize and an outside world they felt completely disconnected from. It wasn’t until wilbur and his new family moved in near by that Eret started going outside again and actually talking to other people. Being around these people gave Eret a sense of purpose again and it made her really happy. Wilbur really brought Eret out of their shell and after Sally passed Eret tried to become another parental figure for fundy. Then later on kid niki showed up on Eret’s doorstep practically begging for an apprenticeship as a mage. Which greatly confused Eret but like. What was he just going to turn away this young sobbing girl? So now Eret kind of has two kids and is outgoing again and starts talking to locals often and queue the events of the dsmp woooooo

POST the events of the dsmp Eret is kind of lonely, Wilbur has completely disappeared from her life again just when Eret thought they’d started getting along again. And while she’s happy that clingyduo killed a certain someone now she doesn’t see any reason to even try putting together the knights of hope. Most crushing blow of all is that almost immediately after Hbomb moved back into the castle he left again and took his cats with him. For some reason she can’t fathom, being alone like this gives her a horrible sense of déjà vu. BUT BUT BUT BUT eventually FUNDY starts trying to reconnect with Eret and brings his tiny son with him as well.. things get even better when fundy brings a very nervous and guilty H with him one day. Eret’s just happy they’re both back in her life and they’re going to have a BABY soon. Eret’s so excited that they insist the couple and yogurt stay with at least until the baby is born. And soon after niki returns to Eret as well. She’s Yogurt and Granola’s eccentric grandma and she’s very happy to be assigned that role, although her adoption of fundy fell through they still consider themselves family. Suddenly the museum isn’t the only important thing in Eret’s life anymore cause they’ve got a family again and it motivates her enough to go out and continue their talk with foolish.

Eret still gets bouts of confusion and loneliness in regards to her memory. Thinking about the people she loves and being told stories by foolish about their previous life together helps a bit but of course it doesn’t solve the problem completely. And that’s okay! Eret will of course always be grieving the part of them that they’ve lost and there’s no way to just magically regain it. But they’ve got a lot of their life left to live surrounded by people who love them, her museum is important to her but Eret isn’t trapped in the past. For the first time in years she’s actually actively excited for what the future holds.

#sorry this is so long I am just rambling but uhm ya parfait Eret gives me the feels #i actually really need to draw out he and H’s reunion I’ve got a very vivid image in my head of h being just pulled into a squeeze #routeriver #maidsmop #parfait au

[haee-elia]

behind the scenes of spence-tober 2023

welcome to a small behind the scenes post about my experience doing a october writing challenge/spencetober! i feel like most people reading this do know me from spence-tober in which i wrote a blurb every single day with a fem!reader and an alternate universe version of spencer reid.

in this behind the scenes post, i’ll be covering my process, hurdles in writing, and some ideas that got scrapped last minute. and at the end, i’ll be announcing what my writing will be like moving forward. 

no. 1

my process

the first thing i did was create a new folder and google doc and listed out potential ideas before the start of october. i was on a vacation/holiday so i had a lot of time to plan this out and work on it before october even started. 

i always feel better when planning something and i knew, knowing me, i would only finish and complete this month long writing and posting challenge if it was thoroughly planned out and i had multiple failsafes in case life got in the way. because lets be honest, life is unpredictable and sometimes i have slumps of ‘laziness’ or other obligations to get to.

no. 2

hurdles in writing

i am not sure when i exactly started writing for spencetober, the original planning document was created on the 18th of september and by the end of october, i had written around 9 or 10 drabbles and had them ready to schedule in my queue. i left my vacation around the 9th of october and didn’t get back to my home base until the 11th. 

prior to traveling back to my home base, i had a queue ready for the next 7-8 days of posting which made me feel very prepared and not guilty at all about not writing while traveling. i think i did squeeze in like one blurb while traveling though. 

i continued to write once returning while also taking care of my other obligations and then hit a snag when i agreed to do some short term dog sitting that was literally only for two nights but i got very lazy after this and just let my queue run out until i had nothing left to post.

i honestly didn’t mind the ‘stress’ from having nothing ready to post until the next day but this didn’t occur really until the last few days of october. i still always somehow had a buffer of at least one to two in case i hit writers block or a slump or something happened in life that i just couldn’t avoid.

no. 3

recommendations

if you want to attempt a month long writing challenge in which you post and write every single day without fail, here are my recommendations and tips: (this is also for me if i attempt something similar next year)

- plan ahead of time

my version of planning was a google doc with 31 numbered ideas and i would italize them as i finished creating the header and cross it out/strike it out as i finished the blurb and it was ready for posting and in the queue scheduled. if i had a particular idea for the blurb, i would leave a ‘comment’ or ‘suggestion’ as a reminder and note to come back to later!

- get into a routine (writing, prepping headers a bunch at a time, etc)

- have a buffer

- don’t stress too much! if you don’t make it, its not the end of the world and you don’t owe it to anyone to commit so much of your time. do it for fun!

no. 4 

bts fun facts

some au’s of spencer that got scrapped included:

poet!spencer

dentist!spencer

daycare worker!spencer

photographer!spencer

train conductor!spencer

cowboy!spencer

mariner!spencer

and the last casualty who got cut last minute,

zookeeper!spencer

(i even had a header ready for this one!)

i couldn’t muster up the inspiration to write this one with the prompt i already had noted (which was a chaperone trip meet cute with giraffes) and since it was one of the last five to be written, i couldn’t dawdle on the idea and moved on (which was actor spencer and baseball spencer).

most of these just got left in the dust for too long like poet and dentist and i couldn’t think of a good enough idea for the blurb. some of these were too similar to others, like daycare worker (the teacher ones) and photographer (painter and wildlife photographer). mariner got replaced with fisherman. some of the ideas that came to me and weren’t part of the original idea brainstorm session include model, indie director, wildlife photographer, gymnast, and baseball (among many others). 

no. 5

new plans!

i have a few small series that i want to test out. i’ve done some long form writing content before (on wattpad with many chapters and books) but i noticed that tumblr promotes a lot of small chapter batch series and i really want to try it out with ideas that i’ve had for the criminal minds guys (hotch, alvez, reid, and morgan (sorry rossi)) that i don’t want to end up turning into a full blown long fic. 

i have a good idea for a tester fic series for hotch that i might get started on soon, but until then, i have every intent to continue doing one shot;one episode.

also, these au’s of spencer still have me in a chokehold and i would love to write more small blurbs, drabbles, and headcannons of my favorites and your favorites!

and that's all! thanks for reading some little snippets that i wanted to share about doing a month long writing challenge like this because i always see people committing to these, but i really wanted to try my best to finish it to the best of my ability and i did!

#criminal minds #criminalminds #spencer reid #spencer reid au #spence-tober 2023 #writing process #behind the scenes

[write-it-motherfuckers]

I’m absolutely devastated.

First of all, I apologise for the bizarre long stretch of “queue error” posts, they were very much not intentional. I’ve actually been quite sick lately, and had a feeling I was going to get a lot worse, so had decided to try and write a whole bunch of prompts up in one go, and just add them all to the queue so that I wouldn’t have to worry for a few days. I’ve done it many times in the past and have only had a few issues, at least in comparison to how many went smoothly, so I didn’t think to check to make sure this time.

Honestly, I didn’t really have the energy to either, and the only reason I checked right now, was because I knew I only had one more batch of prompts left.

Or at least, that was how it was meant to be. 

As many of the Darlings who have been around for a long time, would know, I always have a few posts similar to the “queue error” posts, ready and waiting just in case something goes wrong or something unexpected pops up. They’re there to make sure that nothing that’s unfinished or not meant for posting, gets posted, and they have saved my arse on multiple occasions. 

Despite that however, I rarely have quite this many of exactly the same post, and I’m not actually sure how half of these posted, when I don’t think they were even in the damn queue, or at least next in the queue. On top of that, I’ve just spent the past two hours frantically searching for the missing prompts that were meant to post, and can’t find them anywhere. 

Not going to lie, I did cry, though a large part of that is probably just because I’m already feeling like shit, and the loss of all that work just tipped me over the edge. 

Either way, I’m going to leave it at this today, because I’m genuinely at a loss right now for what to do. But tomorrow, I will try and figure this out properly. 

I’m so fucking sorry for this mess Darlings. Please stay safe 🖤

#mod speaks #I'll try and switch the auto post setting to one instead of three for now. At least until I can figure out what the hell is going on #there might still be a few queue error posts until I figure it out. But at least you all know what's happening now #I'm so sorry. I was so confident in the fact that I wasn't going to have to leave you all high and dry again too #what a fucking joke #so much for carefree resting until I get better

[brineffxiv]

Just, uh... Just a warning. This post? Gonna be a big one. The cutscenes just kept coming.

...but BOY was that giant talos forming sequence fantastic!

I only had two classes at the lv 89 bar for this dungeon, so I opted to run it as Red Mage rather than level up a tank as I usually prefer to use on a first run through a new dungeon. What can I say, I was too eager to get to the story.

And oh boy did that story pay off holy shit.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves and go in chronological order. First, the dungeon.

...

OHOHO! When the giant talos reached in and crushed the sin eaters!!! Several times! AH! So cool.

I keep thinking; all of the sin eaters - the humanoid ones at least - used to be people, and here Vauthry surrounds himself with these "beautiful" ones who no longer have any ability to consent. Just makes him even more repulsive.

Shout out to my FC, Noctua <Hoot> on Marilith who got me through this fight when the duty finder queue was "More than 30 minutes."

When I got out of the transformation sequence cutscene there were multiple "Oh no, he's hot!" messages in the chat. Thanks guys.

SeVeRaL cUtScEnEs ! ! ! The excitement when I saw that message, omg.

*ahem*

Okay.

Ah, born, not changed. Wonder how that happened?

Here it comes. What happens when I eat the rest of the light?

Oh, an echo vision. That's what happens.

Wow Vauthry, your dad was a fucking asshole; brushes aside casualties and is only concerned with his personal power. At least you got it honestly?

Knew you must have had something to do with this, Emet-Selch.

...I wonder why they're going out of their way to not show your face, despite clearly telling us it's you? The way the timeline works, you should still be Solus at this point, I believe? Is it your mask? But why would that be a secret...?

I dunno but those classic Ascian duds sure look good on you from what I can see...

Ladies and gents, if a mysterious man wants to super-power your unborn baby do not listen to him: it's a bad idea.

Oh no, it's happening, I'm going to explode!

What!? I thought you said I couldn't be turned! I'm becoming a Lightwarden!?

But Y'shtola, he doesn't have any sleeves!

...I'm beginning to suspect metaphorically as well as literally.

Exarch! Help!

That doesn't make any sense!

(Thank you Ryne, exactly what I was thinking)

But why? Why pretend? Why lie?

You knew if we knew we wouldn't let you do it, maybe? How did you know Urianger would go along with it? I still don't understand, I don't understand at all!

G'raha Tia!

G'raha, no!

Emet what did you do!? Is that a fucking gun? Did you shoot him? Where the heck did you get a gun??

It was all for me?

Ah shit, I'm contagious.

Ugh. Stop being so hot when you're being evil.

And here is the difference between "me" and "my WoL". My Wol is severely distressed by these turns of events, but me? I am loving this. What fantastic twists. What a great villain. Holy goddamn I am turning into a monster how cool.

Help! My favorite old man just kidnapped my second-favorite old man!

The where..? I didn't think there was anywhere left in this world that could be called "dark."

You can feel how devastated my poor boy is. The people who animated this cutscene did a masterful job.

Wow. WOW. I've become a Lightwarden, and will inevitably succumb to madness given enough time. I am the monster threatening to end the world now. The Exarch tried to kill himself to save everyone, and was only stopped because Emet-Selch stepped up as the villain of the hour. And now Emet has stolen the Exarch away, just when we need his expertise most.

But my friends haven't given up on me. Despite everything, they still fight on.

#ffxiv liveblog #rhesh'a tag #vauthry #crystal exarch #emet-selch #long post is long #writing this while severely sleep deprived #hope I didn't miss anything important

[cookinguptales]

okay so it's about a week until I leave the country for over a month. I am dutifully filling up my queue so y'all will stay entertained while I am gone, but I should probably state for the record that I may not be easy to get ahold of while I'm gone. if you really want me to see something, send me a tumblr chat/ask so it'll show up in a separate inbox from my notifications.

I'll probably post about some travel stuff here, if I'm not too tired, but I suspect the lion's share will end up on twitter and especially instagram. if you would like to see travel posts, I am @iletaitunefois on twitter and @cookinguptales on IG.

if you do not want to see travel posts, please block '#the travel bug'.

I'm also gonna offer up postcards again. I'm not going to make any promises because I don't know how easy it'll be for me to find time/post offices everywhere I go in Japan -- and also because I may be cursed; I think like only half of my Christmas cards actually made their way to their destinations last year.

But! If you do want a postcard, send me a private message and I'll add you to my list. If you have any special requests (locations, nature, cityscapes, cute characters, whatever) lmk and I can see if I can make that work, but again, no promises. I usually keep track of nearby post offices in Japan because they're good places for foreigners to withdraw money, but like. I'm also not gonna take a ton of time out of my trip to find a post office, y'know? Certain legs of the trip will probably be easier than others for that.

FINALLY, if you want to know more about the trip before you decide to follow my IG or ask for a postcard (or, if like me, you are simply nosy) here's a vague overview of the trip:

The first couple weeks of the trip, I'll actually be on the ocean. There's this thing that cruise lines do called "repositioning cruises" where they literally just sail across the ocean. This is so a cruise company can use a ship in a different location, generally. Like if they usually use a boat in the Caribbean, but during another time of the year want to use it in the Pacific, they still need to get it over there. And why not let people ride it during the journey?

The trip is really more pragmatic than it is designed for tourists, though, so they tend to be very cheap. They're long, there aren't a lot of stops, they tend to be during unpopular travel times... So long story short, we can take a two week cruise to Japan for like... half the cost of a plane ticket to Japan. And my mother and I can work from wherever and my father and my aunt are retired, so. We'll just. be in the Pacific Ocean for two weeks. lmao

(I've moved around my work schedule so I probably won't have to do much work in Japan, but I'll have to work on the boat. ;;)

There will be one stop at the beginning of the trip (Alaska) and one at the end (Hokkaido!!!!!) so that'll be fun! But for the most part, I will mostly be working and writing and vegging out on the boat. I'm downloading a lot of tv now because boats tend to have minimal internet. lmao

(And don't worry, we chose a boat that has vax and testing requirements! Which... will probably make it safer than SEPTA here in Philly...)

Once we're in Japan, though, we're really gonna be putting our JR passes to the test. Here's a not exhaustive list of places we're going and things we're doing, in no particular order. (I... tend not to let people know exactly where I am until I've left that place lmao.)

Tokyo (obviously)

Kyoto

Osaka

Nara (to see the shosoin)

Yamagata

Two different onsen towns

Yokohama

Takarazuka 😎 iykyk

Tokyo Disneyland/DisneySea

Wakayama

Kawagoe

Maybe Hakone depending on weather

various Halloween-themed meals in Tokyo and Halloween itself in Dotonbori

several very sacred mountains to learn about shugendo

castles!! and more shrines and temples than you can shake a stick at

Asahi tour (for dad haha)

sumo stable tour (also for dad)

Pokemon stuff (.... also for dad lmao)

seein some cute animals

a lot of interesting food!!!

tbh we're going to be exhausted, but there's a lot of train travel and easy days in there so we can rest then. (dad and I both love trains lmao) Dad actually hurt himself about a month ago, so I took out some of the stuff I was planning that involved more walking (like the old pilgrimage route in Wakayama, climbing Nokogiriyama, and the monkey park in Jigokudani) so that'll also prevent me from overdoing it too much.

part of me is like "wow this is too much you should scale back and save responsibly" but a lot of my trip is gonna be subsidized by my family in return for translating for them all and arranging everything, and we're gonna save money in lodging and such, so I'm just. gonna tell my brain to shut up and enjoy living before we die lmao.

(when you grew up really poor, it can be kind of hard to let go and allow yourself to enjoy nice things when you're older and more stable financially lmao. but I'm getting better at it!)

also, I'm gonna bring Glen! my little Tabikaeru frog! we'll go to Kusatsu Onsen together lmao.

#the travel bug