#i identify as a failure

[naes-dairy]

I think the thing that affected me the most as a kid (and considering that I'm still a kid.. I think this sounds bad) is the fact that my parents wouldn't believe me whenever I cried.

I have to think about this.. I don't really want to specify anything like who or why, but...

since they were 'crocodile tears' and I wasn't pouring my eyes out I was obviously faking it.

It just hurt me so much.. and still hurts.

I think it's the reason why I get so scared when someone thinks I'm lying when I'm telling the truth. Mainly a close person too.

I just feel... I don't know. It just hurts so much and j don't know how to make it stop.

What's worse is that my behaviour is just self destructive so I end up proving everyone else right... I wish I could just do better.

be better.

but now, that's just wishful thinking..

#low self esteem #self destructing #idk #i am also gaslighting myself so self gaslighting?? #just.. #i get scared and when i get scared i just stop working. i just run away from my fears and struggle to work on it because im scared of.. #im scared of failing over and over and over #im scared of never getting anything right #i dont want to be a failure #but i already know i am #i identify as a failure #lol #anyways yeah post about why I suck 😃👍 #does this count as trauma? #like childhood trauma or? #yay gaslighting mysef again.. #prolly over reacting or over exaggerating.. #yh. #i suck i guess #expresso the depresso #naes vent posts #ugh #what #what?

[whitesunlars]

coming in hot with my first take on antisemitism in a while after trying to limit my time on this cesspit of jew hatred: being an ally is not something you can identify as, it is something that you become through actions and are deemed so by the minority you are allying with. 99% of you who identify as an ally of the jewish people are actually raging antisemites. if we are scared of you (we are) you are not an ally, not matter how much you identify as one.

#one of the biggest failures we are witnessing among this rise of antisemitism #is people identify as not being antisemitic #so they believe they can't be antisemitic #which isn't true #you can't decide you aren't antisemitic and if a jew calls you antisemitic #and you ignore it #because 'i'm an ally i can't be antisemitic' #guess what you aren't an ally #jewish #jumblr #antisemitism

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

#school of rock #jack black #dewey finn #00's #00s #I serve the Tumblr society with rock #because my real society sucks #In my real society I'm an idiot #a failure #but who cares? I want everyone to die! #movies #comedy movies #I totally identify with Dewey Finn #my gif #gifs #my edit #gif #text

[zrllosyn-art]

Happy birthday to!! my own oc!!

(May 8th is Haru's birthday)

He gets to have some introspection. This references a whole bunch of character arcs he's gone through that uh. I haven't, posted, anywhere.

But its mostly coming to terms with loss and lingering attachments, and learning you are loved, in the end.

#kn8 oc #haru eizaki (oc) #anyways #theres a buncha other people there but #if you can identify them good for you is what im stickin with i think ghjhgjgh #you can maybe tell i was loosing steam at th last page or so #its FIVE FULL BODIES #i dont know how legs work man #also its the tags i can go wild so #basic rundown #for me #future me #and also you. if youd like it #but haru has had issues with kind of. resenting his parents #and also missing them #for a very long time #and its just #this whole thing of #hey they werent perfect but they also are not nearly as bad as you remeber them being #(you convinced yourself they were terrible because how else could you handle the loss?) #and also he has. been loved. had friends. had a kind of family #but he never quite realized it bcs uh. caught up in his own greif and also #the 'ideal' relationship betwen himself and others #and also his own failures #yknow how it goes #and also smth smth acknowledging your own greif and the fact that you miss people who were not perfect #letting them go (and being let go in return) #smth smth greif and moving on #anyways its like 2am i gotta go bed

[mulletmitsuya]

guys real question, what did you think of the tokrev ending? i'm low-key begging for opinions rn🙏. also, what ship do you hate that everyone loves and what ship do you love that everyone hates? you can answer both or one of these questions.

#i don't wanna start discourse but i just need to know if i'm the unreasonable one #i can argue a case without it turning into a fight so i would love a civil conversation please #i can also respect people's opinions without shitting on them and calling people stupid like i feel like that's a bit unnecessary #and it can be on anon! i doubt anyone's gonna reply to this because i don't get that many asks but if you do #maybe use something to identify you like an emoji #i ask for asks then i panic when i get them😭 #if this post flops i'll delete it by the end of the day and you guys will pretend it didn't happen 🚶‍♀️ #it's around 10am for me rn so ig if no one asks by 10pm i'ma just accept failure and be humiliated #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers ending #tokrev #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers manga

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

"it takes a village to raise a child" is kind of an interesting saying. it isn't "it takes a family to raise a child," or "it takes a roster to raise a child," or even "it takes a lot of people to raise a child." it's specifically a village-- a group of people united by geographic circumstance alone.

inherently, the idea of a child raised in part by their community involves a child being raised in part by strangers. when you let your eight-year-old walk to the corner store to spend their allowance on a chocolate bar, they practice following traffic signals by copying the other people at the crosswalk. they learn that it's polite to smile when someone makes eye contact from all the grown-ups who smile as they walk by. they pet someone's service dog, and the owner stops them to explain why that's not okay, and that's their reminder to ask before they touch. they practice math with the teenager working the cash register, who tells them the difference between a nickel and a quarter and patiently picks through their fistful of change.

it takes a lot of trust to let your kid do this. in fact, I'll go a step further-- it takes a lot of faith. you are trusting that if your child screams, someone will come running. you are trusting that if they get lost, someone will walk them home. you are trusting that if they are vulnerable, nobody will take advantage of them-- and that if anyone tries to, someone else will interfere. and by and large, this faith is not misplaced. there's really no data in support of helicopter parenting. it doesn't lead to better long-term outcomes when you hyper-supervise your kid, and in fact, it often leads to far worse ones.

#children are also extremely good at identifying their own abilities and meeting their own needs. if you suggest to your kid that they walk t #and they're excited about the idea #they're probably ready for it! #if you offer your kid the option of going to the park alone but you misjudged & they're not quite ready yet #19 times out of 20 they just... won't go. #and for that 1 in 20 where they DO catastrophically overestimate their own abilities #(and i say catastrophically bc kids often overestimate their abilities-- but that usually leads to safe + healthy failure #that doesn't require any grown-up intervention) #someone will help them. #they probably will not get hit by a car and die. someone will notice them wandering aimlessly and go Hey kid are you lost. #and help them get home. #anyways uh ive been writing this post for . an hour . which is really unfortunate . i need my meds adjusted LMAO #idk i just. i like kids. we should let them be a little more feral. #they'll be ok.

[cursed-clock-shop]

The floorboards of Fail Clockworks have sizable gaps and holes. This means any screw dropped is almost certainly lost to the inaccessible cellar.

#it's really hard for people to sneak around on the bottom floor because if they step too hard there's a rattling sound from the floorboards #they haven't identified the reason for this problem. btw #they just think their house sounds like that #failure: a love story #failure a love story #fail clockworks est 1900 #ignore the fact that i haven't posted in 82924038498 years i've been busy #give me a couple weeks and I swear the fic will be published #*sweats in 111 days since i've opened the doc* #pinkie promise?

[askshivanulegacy]

ChatGPT is NOT the same thing as a calculator

A calculator doesn't give you wrong answers.

It will ALWAYS give you the correct result based on your input.

If you feed it the wrong information, the answer to your problem will be wrong, but you can identify and correct it fairly easily because the logic is straightforward and consistent.

If you feed input into ChatGPT, you will not know if the output is right or wrong. You will not get the chance to easily identify whether it's right or wrong. There is no logic to the output, which is NOT an answer. Your output will be different every time for invisible, inconsistent reasons which will be impossible for you to determine. You must examine, in excruciating detail, every aspect of what it gives you to determine if it's correct and useful. You must examine every source it makes up to determine if it's real and relevant.

"ChatGPT is right 80%" of the time

"ChatGPT is right 90%" of the time

Unless ChatGPT is right 100% of the time, it is literally useless. You will spend more time and effort verifying the output than you would if you just did your own research and wrote something yourself.

ChatGPT is not a research tool, and it was never MEANT to be a research tool. There is no concept of "right" in the context of a ChatGPT output because that is not what ChatGPT is designed to do. It doesn't give you "right" or "wrong"; it gives you words that sound natural ... to a limited extent.

If all you need is output that sounds natural, regardless of the content, that is what ChatGPT can do.

If you need specific content, if you need research, facts, math, conclusions, actual THOUGHT applied to something, ChatGPT quite literally cannot do that.

If the output is sounding to you like it HAS done that, then that is the insidiousness of ChatGPT's lies.

If your teachers and professors actually advocate for ChatGPT, they are failing their job. You should care about that, because you're paying for them to develop your skills.

You should also care about that because that line of (zero) critical thought will give us "professionals" in industries who generate critically important documents which have hidden falsehoods and errors, which other people and other industries will rely upon.

If you want your leaders and researchers and officers and reporters and everybody else to give you imaginary information, then this is definitely the path we should be on.

This was never an issue with calculators.

Oh, but is it too hard to catch students using ChatGPT?

Cry me a damn river. Do your fucking job.

#this is a rant and only a rant #met some 'classroom instructors' (lol) today #who advocate for everyone to use chatgpt for all their reports #and started comparing chatgpt in schools to calculators in school #I have never been exposed to such raw and insulting ignorance in all my life #if you're a teacher and you're struggling to catch and penalize students for chatgpt you have my sympathies!! #the tech to identify it will get better i promise #if you're a teacher and you're just telling students to go full steam ahead and chatgpt everything??? you're not a teacher you're a FAILURE #and you should lose your job #8) #there is some feedback that will be delivered in a steaming pile to this school #the only question is how vicious I feel like being with it #AI #commentary

[lord-squiggletits]

Absolutely zero offence to jariktig, I'm just using their outsider perspective as an example to jump off of, but I feel like the fanon idea that "Autobots get praised for the same things Decepticons get villified for" is SO FUCKING WEIRD because I don't understand how you could possibly think this unless you either haven't read phase 2 of IDW1 or just??? Didn't fucking pay attention to the story whatsoever?????

#squiggposting #genuinely i dont even know where to start #first of all some characters getting in universe punishment or hetting off scot free #doesnt mean that the authors condone or approve of what they did #second of all #(deep breath) #HAVE YOU AND I READ THE SAME FUCKING COMICS???? #IN WHAT WORLD IS IDW OPTIMUS VALORIZED BY THE NARRATIVE #IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD WERE THE AUTOBOTS AS BAD AS THE DECEPTICONS #yes there were things like MTOs on both sides and also prowl exists but like #one side was fine with colonizing occupied planets and the other side was not #also there are multiple stories like the wreckers which show morally gray autobots #the autocracy trilogy where the autobots are widely criticized and distrusted and seen as failures #EVERY FUCKING THING BARBER WROTE ABOUT OPTIMUS #IN WHAT WORLD DO PEOPLE THINK THE IDW AUTOBOTS WERE PORTRAYED AS UNIVERSAL HEROES #OR THAT THE AUTHORS WERE TRYING TO PORTRAY THEM AS UNIVERSAL HEROES #IN. WHAT. FUCKING. WORLD??.??? #s2g i hate sharing this fandom where people who can't read dictate fanon #and then people who don't read spread that fanon #half the shit self identified fans of idw1 believe in literally isnt true #idw op being valorized in universe (by a specific group of people only) doesnt mean that the narrative #is valorizing him and saying he's a flawless hero #jfc #like i understand if people think like that just by listening to fandom #but people who read the comics have no excuse

[krayfishthetypelessblob]

Having a body sucks guys

#I miss being a human ghost a little bit #I have so many…. Feelings #it’s like #why? #self awareness sucks #especially when you are also a fucking dumbass who cannot identify the sensations #vague unease or hunger? #organ failure or normal levels of empathy? #who knows #certainly not I #whining #personal

[kirnet]

ive been thinking a lot about kirnet’s relationships with the jedi masters, especially the way that they change from pre-war to kotor 2. She idolized Kavar, even when she was hurt that he never officially took her on as a padawan. She generally admired zez-kai ell and wished more of the council had his introspection. And Vrook was, well, Vrook. Yes, she had some level of respect for him, but she fundamentally disagreed with him on everything and hated his lack of action during the wars.

But in k2 these just completely flip. She gets along with Kavar just fine, their reunion is more bitter than sweet, but now SHE is the famed Jedi general. SHE is the war hero, not Kavar. She’s just surpassed him in so many ways. I’m pretty sure he has a line about wishing that he trained them as a guardian (or, if they are a guardian, that he was glad they chose that path). But where once Kirnet would have reveled in the praise, she’s just saddened by it. Saddened by seeing the state he’s in. She’s outgrown him, in a way.

And she’s furious at Zez-Kai. He’s the one who was the most sympathetic to the Revanchist, the one most willing to promote action, and yet he watches Nar Shaddaa suffer and does nothing. The apathy sickens her. And Kirnet understands where he’s coming from, of course she does. She just dragged herself out of a shitty decade long exile where she didn’t help anyone. But she still can’t stop the vitriol and disappointment she feels towards Zez-Kai. Lichterally the MOMENT Kirnet connected to the Force again she was begrudgingly pulling Jedi level stunts and was trying to save the miners on Peragus. She just can’t understand the fact that Zez-Kai had the Force the whole time and yet he refuses to use it.

And Vrook somehow becomes her favorite? Sure, she still doesn’t like him, and annoying it is still her fave pass time. But Vrook is actually trying to help Khoonda. Even giving himself up to the mercs is a form of passive action, in a way. And Kirnet respects that! It’s the most action (from her biased POV) that she’s ever seen Vrook take to help people. So even though he annoys her she comes out with a newfound respect and tolerance for him.

#the other jedi is just. a corpse. i dont even remember her name rip #and atris is her own essay so i wont touch on that here #but idk!! fucking themes of apathy vs action and ever changing POVS and the failures of the previous generations and loss of faith in #institutions etc etc #this also ties into why kirnet refuses to identify as a jedi anymore. she cant tell if shes too good for it or not good enough for the title #but she does know that she is too proactive. she is too forceful. the title does not fit #ramblings #kirnet cavira

[mildswearingat4am]

Something else I’ve been workin on lately is like, not immediately dismissing sad and frustrated and bitter thoughts as pointless

Like, there’s a lot of messages telling you that life is just hard, everyone’s got problems, suck it up, think positive. And I think it’s kind of led me to ignore when I get angry or frustrated, because it feels like that’s unproductive. Why dwell on negatives, you know?

Because I’m absolutely goddamn right is why, and actually it helps to remember that.

“This feels bad” yeah it does!!

“Things shouldn’t be this hard” no they should not!!

“It’s so easy for other people, why can’t I do it like they do” babe that’s the mental illness. That’s why u got diagnosed with Normal Things Are Hard For You disorder. There literally is a difference between you and them, and it’s not “making excuses” to acknowledge and accomodate it.

#babbling moth #something something the validation of stepping back and recognizing that there is a war in ba sing se #the reason normal things feel like a fight is that They Are!! ur not a failure u just got symptoms syndrome #school is back in session and since a huge part of my anxiety is school-related it is A Time #... also this may be off base but like #anyone else feel like anxiety is kind of downplayed in life n media n shit? #seems like the common understanding of it is. lil thing everyone has sometimes. not a big serious problem that affects every part of ur life #like on job apps n govt stuff it's literally listed as a disability but i can't even imagine identifying as diabled bc i'd feel like a fraud #these are't super well-examined thoughts so i may be wrong but it's like. my gut feelings yknow #that part of the reason i struggle to take my own problems seriously is that they're commonly thought of as nbd #anyway!! never mind all that #im just working through some shit in a tag rant #hang on lemme find some cool art to reblog n we can all move on and forget this. cool? cool

[lessonincanvases]

oh my god oh my God i did not fully register the extent to which the dexy i took today was actually helping until realising that the work i've done today which does Not feel like much has actually been accomplished under circumstances in which i previously would have accomplished Quite Literally Nothing

#jeeeeeeeeesus christ #something something failure to correctly identify symptoms of adhd in women and girls #something something female socialisation to Not Be A Problem resulting in ones own needs being overlooked #alex talks #anyway i read a whole chapter today and also noted down important quotes and wrote out important framework for connecting my chapter

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Remembering why I vibed so hard with Kylux fanfic Kylo is just making me want to rerereread Super Fade and All Hearts Come Home for Christmas and And All That Road Going and What We Want and From the Last Whelming Sea and finish the Structural Fabrications series and maybe even reread Dollars to Donuts

#god there's so many good kylux fics #i was so so into those two in 2018 2019 and last summer #like ugh!! #not to talk about my issues but actually i will #it's just #the kylo from fanfics is this uh #sad and a bit pathetic and kind of lonely and very very emotional guy #lost in his life even though he's powerful and nearing 30 #he feels kind of like a failure and he's a mess #and i wasn't necessarily doing super well when i was at the height of identifying with him :') #same reason i wen through parts 1&2 of pacify so quickly #harry at the beginning of pacify is Not Doing Well #and i was stressed because of school & covid #i slept like shit i had real problems with executive function and exams were approaching #and it was. complicated #also there's the snoke stuff. canon doesn't elaborate on it and that's an offense i have trouble forgiving (among many in the sequels lol) #like i Will Not Elaborate because this is tumblr but. snoke. #anyway yeah kylo & moon my little guys i identified with when i had problems #(moon for the same reason as kylo. in book 6 she was shy and there was darkstalker which. they didn't do anything with those two either.) #i don't identify with characters and media in general a lot but those two will always have a place in my heart #and hux was right there when i wanted to explore asexuality and aromanticism! hux beloved #the old ace kylux hcs i used to have.... #tbh i was right last year regarding what it would be like to grow up ace among the jedi #the sheer non-amatonormativeness of the jedi is a gift and i hate when people want them to be MORE amatonormative #let the monks not marry for the love fo god! #(i just mentioned asexuality but it also goes for aromanticism obviously. i just didn't think i was aro then!) #ANYWAY NIGHT RAMBLE OVER #like last night if you saw this no you didn't :) #wow i have a ramble tag now

[blackwaxidol]

there is nothing new about my being in such a kind of pain that it makes me sick, i think it gets old to mention it.

#spent today in my room. #abject failure... i wanted to shower. #it is nobody's fault but my own that i am pathetic. #i don't even say that with contempt it is a neutral statement. #or it just feels that way to me. #i don't know. #forcing myself to front is just not working for me. #i am bored i am unable to find interest i am easily discouraged et cetera. #i don't know. i took my medication late because i woke up late because i couldn't sleep last night. #the pressure in my head is nauseating. #i don't want to eat. i just want to sleep. #i don't even want to sleep though. #it feels like every decision is wrong. #i don't know why i feel this way. i hate mindless back-and-forth indecision. #i am not panicked or scared. not in a way that changes my heartbeat at least. #internally i just seem to be frenzied. #i will feel better when i am no longer... i don't know. #i don't know what will make me feel better. #obligatory i am not going to kill myself or whatever. that would be stupid. #i just feel generally quite terrible but not in a way that makes me sad or want to cry. #or even able to identify the causes. #i feel like i am years younger and not in a good way. psychologically i seem to have returned to bedlam that i am no longer used to. #it makes me unhappy to feel like that. #other part asks what is bothering me. like we are not in the present day anymore. it is so awful. #''What is bothering you'' what year is it? are my emotions obfuscated to myself? what is this nightmare. #delete later. #complete drivel.

[naomiruthwrites]

This person on The Instagram: tell me about a scene in a movie that is not inherently sexual but you still find very hot.

Me: ohmygods, I know there are several very weird and messed up responses I could have to this as an asexual (theoretically) kinky person, and I literally can think of no examples right now, not a single one, and I am so sorry for depriving the world of this moment that could have been truly disturbing to all of my family members following me here on Instagram.

~~~

I am so sad about this wasted opportunity y’all.

Who even am I right now? Why can I think of nothing, NOTHING, not a single fanfic worthy example, or a PTSD Pigeon moment.

I have failed. I have failed you all. I live in the shame of this failing, now, and forevermore.

#asexual and theoretically kinky is my new fav identifier #who am I right now is a legit question when you’re part of a system lololol #but really #what is wrong with me right now #failed forevermore living in the shame of this failure dramatically as it should be