#i know its 2021 but is there content for the au where these 3 are brothers

[ashonheavenscloud]

crazier things || h. hyunjin

: a drunken confession from your friend, hwang hyunjin, leaves you questioning everything a week before your transfer home.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ contents: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader, college au, friends to ??, INTENSEEE ANGST, mutual pining, two idiots and unfortunate circumstances </3

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ word count: 14.6K

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mildly suggestive content and a toxic relationship (hyunjin x oc), this whole fic is kinda heavy and angsty😭

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ a/n: this was written WAYYY back in 2021 and posted on my other account, but i’m moving it here to keep all my fics in the same place🤣 this is the longest oneshot i’ve written and i’m quite proud of it. enjoy!

now playing - crazier things - chelsea cutler

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Hyunjin was drunk, you knew.

That was the only explanation for why he would call you at such an ungodly hour as 2 am, slurred words barely audible in between the loud music and cheering crowd that joined his voice through your speaker.

It had been awhile since he’d called you at a party- but definitely not long enough, you thought a little frustratedly. But you were mostly worried as you drove to the address you’d managed to coax out from the drunk boy’s babbling.

He was falling back into bad habits as the peak of winter approached and snow had yet to fully take its leave from the suburbs of New York- and it didn’t help that finals were approaching, and he was clearly stressed.

And that girlfriend of his putting way too much pressure on him.

Yet another worry as you pulled up to the house, music booming from the place as you hurried to where Hyunjin was leaning in the yard, no girlfriend in sight.

He hadn’t brought her, and he hadn’t called her- again.

“Hyunjin!”

It took a couple shouts of his name over the crowd for him to look up at you, and you felt a tiny bit of relief at seeing him somewhat alright.

“Y/n-” his attempt at walking over was short lived, as he stumbled with a giggle and you rushed to catch him.

The weight of his body made you sigh, grunting out, “Stand up, we’re going home.”

“Home? What home, not home.”

He barely made sense, but you understood. “Not your girlfriend’s, I promise.”

He slowly nodded, dazedly blinking as your words processed. “Okay.” He mumbled, voice small.

“Just… just take a rest here, okay?” You murmured back, as you dragged the boy from the crowd and found an unoccupied bench by the side of the road to sit him on. Quickly, you pulled a plastic water bottle from your bag and handed it cap off to him. “Drink.”

He did as he was told, and with your gentle help he downed a good quarter of it. Sighing once more, you plopped onto the bench beside him, suddenly very weary.

Hyunjin was drunk- very drunk. He had to be, when he slid closer to you on the bench, cheeks flushed and eyes heavy from the aftermath of the college party and the alcohol. That was the only explanation; for why else would three forbidden words suddenly tumble from his dazed, plush lips?

“I love you.”

Your eyes jolted to his face; his eyes were flickering closed, a small intoxicated smile on his face, his fingers finding the edge of your sweater sleeve and tugging at the material. He clung to you, smile slowly widening as he chuckled; and all you could do was stare at him, heart racing and sinking all at once.

You really might have been able to brush it off as some false drunken claim if he had stopped there, or if you’d had the courage to speak and lead the conversation away. Lead it somewhere safe, somewhere that didn’t blur the already complicated relationship you both found yourselves in- the very messy situation you should have gotten out of right at that moment.

But he didn’t stop there.

And it sounded so genuine when his head lolled onto your shoulder and he murmured, “Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.”

He was drunk, you had to repeat to yourself multiple times as you drove your black Civic through the busy neighborhood streets, occasionally glancing at his sleeping figure in the passenger side. He was completely still, save for the small breaths that made his lips pout ever so slightly. With a start, you realized he was still gripping your sleeve.

And you were suddenly scared.

Because I love you too, Hwang Hyunjin. And I think maybe you meant it.

…

When it came to alcohol of any kind, Hwang Hyunjin was a lightweight. It barely took him a couple swallows to be completely wasted- and the day after was just as bad.

He groaned when he opened his eyes; despite the blinds being closed, the tiny streams of light around the edges sparked a massive headache. He closed his eyes immediately, his small glance around the room enough to assure him that he was safe- and, once again, had been stashed in your bedroom. 

He didn’t remember getting here at all. God, how many shots had he taken? He’d sworn to keep it to a strict limit. What kind of alcohol had it even been?

Groggy but guilty enough to get up, Hyunjin forced his eyes open again and stumbled out of the bed. He was sweaty and nauseous, but hey, you’d seen him worse. Upon leaving the bedroom and stepping into the living area of your studio apartment, he was met with the sight of you passed out on the couch.

You’d probably been exhausted after helping him out last night.

Another wave of guilt ran over him. He didn’t usually drink, but when he did you always seemed to be the one cleaning up his mess. Hyunjin vaguely remembered calling you part way through the night- although he couldn’t recall any of the conversation. Once again, though, you’d had his back.

He approached as quietly as his heavy feet could manage, and crouched beside you. A light blanket was half draped off your figure, and your face was smashed into a pillow. He watched your expression, noticing the crease of worry in your brow and gently massaging it away with a sigh.

He was stressing you again. He hadn’t meant to; and at this point, his guilt was overwhelming.

He decided to let you sleep, feeling he at least owed you that. He fixed the blanket, tucking in around your shoulders before stumbling away to the kitchen. First he found a bottle of Advil and downed the pill, before checking in your fridge for any food. Eggs and toast was manageable, right? He wasn’t the most experienced cook but he could damn well try.

Almost subconsciously, he peeked behind his shoulder to look at you once more. Your forehead was wrinkled with worry again. Even though he felt bad, he couldn’t help but think about how cute it was. But to be fair, you were always cute.

So damn pretty.

You suddenly shifted and Hyunjin whipped his head back to his cooking, heart pounding and ears flaming. Focus on the food, Hyunjin, he scolded himself.

But that image of you curled up behind him couldn’t leave his head as he cooked, no matter how hard he tried. He shouldn’t be thinking of you so much, especially not now- with you here, and with the symptoms of his hangover a bitter reminder of the trouble he’d caused you. Especially when each new thought definitely crossed the friend line.

After meeting you at the university library, your phone numbers had been exchanged- and oddly enough, you’d been kind to him. Kind to the boy close to failing half of his classes. Kind to the boy with a reputation of trouble. Kind, even after the first party you’d stumbled upon him- and he’d been drunk then, too. And somehow you’d started being the one person he could really talk to, and the one person that his intoxicated brain thought to call.

His reminiscing was interrupted by movement, and Hyunjin glanced back again to see you groggily sitting up, blinking open bleary eyes, the cutest yawn scrunching up your features. He caught himself smiling ridiculously, just in time to hide it before your eyes found his own.

There were the worry lines again.

“Are you okay?” You asked him quietly, standing and approaching him. Against his will, his heart thumped a little faster.

“Yeah. I guess.” Hyunjin responded, watching you survey him, eyes checking him for any sign of damage.

It seemed you didn’t find any, because after a minute you sighed. “Good.”

You reached to yank him closer by the collar of his button up, nearly making Hyunjin lose his balance as another wave of dizziness greeted his senses. Either you didn’t notice or you didn’t care; probably the latter, because you were shouting, and you looked mad.

“What the hell? You scared me half to death, you told me you were going to stop doing this!”

“I… I know.” Hyunjin weakly replied, but he didn’t have time to add anymore when you came at him again.

“You said you wouldn’t go the next time, at least not alone- and the next time, and the next time, and on and on. I’ve been covering for you, rescuing you from parties and bad dates for the past year. But I’m gone next term, and I’m not going to be here to save your sorry ass anymore.”

As if he needed the reminder of your transfer. As if he hadn’t been thinking about it since the day you’d told him last month.

“I’m sorry, really.” Hyunjin murmured, meeting your eyes to try and convey the honesty in his words. “It’s unfair to you. I don’t know why I call you every time, but… it’s not fair.”

There was silence, and oddly enough you seemed a bit caught off guard. What? Because he called you, even now? But then Hyunjin realized at last your close proximity, your nose almost touching his, your warm breath on his face. His eyes widened.

You jumped back, and Hyunjin ducked away at the same time, heart doing back flips as he tried to regain his composure, glancing at you. You, the calm and sensible one, the out of reach one… flustered.

Was it possible for a heart to swell with foolish hope, at the same time it shriveled with an undeniable sense of guilt?

But before Hyunjin could figure it out, you were running to the stove, shouting at the smoke that billowed from the eggs that Hyunjin had forgotten about. The moment was dismissed in the scramble to clear the smoke and discard of the burnt eggs, relieved that at least the toast turned out okay.

And once the toast was buttered and on plates, you turned back to face him. You opened your mouth, hesitating for a moment before quietly saying, “What are you going to tell her this time?”

You didn’t need to say who. Hyunjin bit into his toast, with no desire to answer the question. You sighed, but thankfully didn’t push it.

He didn’t need to hear your thoughts to know what you were thinking while you silently drizzled honey on your bread. Why are you with her if you always need to lie to her?

Because I don’t deserve any better. And I certainly don’t deserve you.

He avoided your eyes as you chewed on your toast, gathering enough courage to timidly ask, “I really am sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.” Hyunjin argued, watching you sigh and drop the toast onto your plate. “I broke my promise-”

“And you’ve apologized. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But that’s not enough.” He whispered, watching you turn your gaze to the floor, expression unreadable. It was so often that he couldn’t figure out what you were thinking, and he’d pay every penny for your thoughts. You gnawed on your lip, and Hyunjin wondered if you might not answer. At last, you lifted your head to meet his gaze again.

“Okay, how about we just say you owe me?”

Hyunjin breathed a sigh of relief, glad you had relented. “That’s more than fair.”

“Okay.” You rubbed your temples- from stress or tiredness, Hyunjin couldn’t tell. “Good.”

Another ‘sorry’ almost slipped from his lips without thinking, but Hyunjin managed to bite his tongue. He knew that another apology would only frustrate you. But it still echoed in his head, the guilt that swam there even as he watched you tie back your messy hair, heart fluttering endlessly.

He was a mess.

“I… guess I should go.”

“I can drive you.”

“No, I can walk. I have work today.”

You whirled to stare at him. “Today?”

“In an hour, actually.” Hyunjin replied, wincing at the very idea of the headache he was bound to suffer through today. The intense smell of flowers in the shop probably wouldn’t help, either.

You were silent for a moment; Hyunjin didn’t want to break the quiet himself, so he simply watched you harshly bite your lip again before you stepped closer. Once again, his heart stumbled as you neared.

Gingerly, you reached towards him, and Hyunjin subconsciously closed his eyes as your fingertips grazed his forehead, then massaged the area between his brows.

So you weren’t the only one stressed. He hadn’t even noticed; but he did find himself slowly relaxing under your touch.

When he opened his eyes, you still looked worried- but a small smile flickered on your lips.

“So you’re going to show up to work in that?”

Oh. “How bad is it?” He asked, sheepishly.

“You stink.” And then you had your arms around him, carefully resting your head against his shoulder as you pulled him close. The rare moments you did this, Hyunjin never knew how to react to your affection- but it did send his mind spiraling, his heart dancing and leaping in his chest at your closeness.

At last he let his cheek fall on your head, letting a minute pass before whispering. “Thank you… for everything.”

Was it his imagination, or did you hug him slightly tighter? “You’re my friend, and this is what friends do.”

Yeah… it’s what friends do.

Bullshit. You’ve gone above and beyond the requirements of friendship.

You pulled away from him, and turned quickly- he noticed the small tinge of redness over your ears but was too tired to question it. His headache, though dulled, was slowly returning. 

“Go shower.” You told him, heading towards your bedroom. “We’ll figure something out for your work clothes.”

He nodded, murmuring another small thank you before ducking into your bathroom, towel in hand. He paused in front of the mirror- gosh, he really did look like a mess.

Just like how he felt.

When he stepped under the cold water, splashing his senses awake, his thoughts ran a different way. He recalled leaning against your head; your hair had smelled like citrus; he’d sworn you’d held your breath.

7 days. That was all he had left before you were gone.

…

The distance between New York City and Los Angeles was exactly 2789 miles.

You knew this because the number had been dancing through your head since the moment you’d realized you would have to move back home to California to study.

Stupid finances. Your tiny apartment was fairly cheap for its Lower Manhattan location, but it still sucked away at your funds- funds you didn’t have. At the beginning of the term, it became apparent that unless you found money fast, you wouldn’t be able to stay.

Praying for a miracle had turned out to be hopeless. Your parents, having never approved of your moving away, hadn’t offered any help. Your bitter old manager refused to give you a raise, and no other opportunities presented themselves. In the desperate last stretch, you’d taken on different gigs- tutoring, walking dogs, cleaning houses, anything you could think of- but it wasn’t nearly enough. With a month left of the winter term, your only option became evident.

You signed the forms, you received the email of congratulations! You would be attending the University of California in the New Year!

Hip fucking hooray.

Oddly enough, Hyunjin had been the first to find out. The same day you’d received the email, you’d run into the boy at the university library. Where you’d usually be able to mask a smile, fake some kind of emotion to keep him from suspecting anything was wrong, you hadn’t had the energy.

Was that considered irony? The first person to know- to comfort you, to offer you support- would be your hardest goodbye.

When was it that you’d fallen for him? You couldn’t pinpoint between the sharing of homework answers- you were both English majors- and those moments at a cafe or that beautiful library when he seemed to be the only spot of colour left in your graying life. He had the unique ability to make you forget about all your worries and troubles even just for a few minutes with a single smile- a smile so kind and genuine and warm that it felt like an embrace on its own. Meeting him had been like… finding the first crocus in spring, and knowing that the frost was fading at last. It had been hopeful; somehow knowing this person standing in front of you would touch your very soul.

And he had- in so many ways. Ways he probably didn’t realize in the moments he’d surprise you with coffee on a cold morning, or let you borrow his gloves when you forgot them. He’d touched you so deeply that you’d found yourself slipping into daydreams far too often with him involved- and with no girlfriend in sight.

The girlfriend was actually a recent development; Ava had come seemingly out of nowhere, apparently another English student that Hyunjin had taken out a couple times. Ava herself wasn’t too bad- but you still found her a tad single minded- and too invested in Hyunjin’s academics. The boy didn’t always have the best grades, and she had no reservations when it came to reminding him. Maybe she meant well… but sometimes you really did want to slap her.

For more reasons than just that.

She’d come along just shortly before you’d found him at one of his parties, dead drunk with vomit still damp on his shirt. He’d touched your soul in a different way then, and you’d never forget what he’d said to you as you’d tried to drag him out of your car, and his weary eyes found yours.

“Do you know how to float?”

“What?”

“Float. Like, not drown.” He mumbled something that you couldn’t hear before saying louder. “I drown. I drown a lot of times, even though I got everything I need to stay up. I was given those… like, those floatie thingies, but I just poke holes into them.” He clumsily pressed an index finger to his side, tapping several times. “Poke. Poke. Poke. And then I drown.”

You tried to figure out something to say, but came up empty at a loss for words. Hyunjin had only chuckled bitterly. “Grades aren’t everything, right? What a bunch of bull-”

You’d held his hair away from his face as he vomited onto the grass. As he wretched, your mind spun; this beautiful, sweet, outwardly confident boy… was just as much a mess as you.

Perhaps everyone was a mess, and some had just gotten very good at hiding it. 

Now, sitting on your couch as the sun sank lower in the sky and turned the horizon into violent shades of orange and red, your mind spiraled back to one thing.

I love you.

Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get messier…

You shifted in your spot, glancing at the half eaten carton of food on the coffee table as you recounted your morning with Hyunjin. Why had you hugged him? You were supposed to be mad at him- but you just couldn’t be for long. You knew how hard he was trying, and that he beat himself up enough for the both of you. And anyways…

You didn’t want to waste your time being angry at him. 

The hug itself had felt like magnetism- one minute you were watching him with a small smile of endearment, and the next your arms were around his waist, pulling him close. He'd been so comfortingly warm; you’d been able to hear his heartbeat in your ear, pounding a rhythm much too fast to stop you from wondering…

I love you.

You stood abruptly from the couch, snatching the carton of food and stashing it back in the fridge. You needed to stop thinking about this; you needed to clear your head.

It was bitingly cold outside, tiny snowflakes drifting through the chill air that buzzed with noise. You’d always liked how busy it was here, even at night. You didn’t understand it, but something about how awake the world was at ungodly hours made you feel more alive, too.

You hurried down the sidewalk, keeping your hands in your coat pocket to stay warm, burrowing your chin into the patterned scarf around your neck. You let your feet carry you any which way, no real destination in mind. Music poured from the doors of small cafes and busy nightclubs still ablaze with life. You contemplated stopping at one of your favourite coffee shops, even if just to sit and drown in the warmth, but passed by with a shake of your head. You were too restless.

You forced your mind to wander to other worries as you walked- like the upcoming winter exams. Classes ended tomorrow, and the following four days were filled with studying and the actual exams. Then the morning after, you’d be gone.

It felt surreal. The month had flown by underneath a looming shadow, and you swore you’d missed several weeks. Granted, you’d been busy- often studying with Hyunjin, or working your ass off at your job. But only the sleepless nights had felt long- the rest had passed in the blink of an eye.

You couldn’t deny how attached you’d grown to the city in your time here. As much as you’d loved your home city, New York had a certain feel to it that fed into your very soul. You’d never been able to pinpoint why; you only knew that if it had been possible, you might have never wanted to leave.

For more reasons than one.

But now it seemed unlikely that you would find the funds to come back. Even the price for a visit… you didn’t want to imagine a price.

His smile haunted you. The first real friend you’d made. The one you’d hopelessly fallen for, and now found yourself in an impossible position.

There you go again, you realized with a jolt. Thinking of him.

You stuffed your hands in your pockets, forcing your mind elsewhere. The apartment complexes in front of you, the bubbling laughter from a nearby bar, the rumbling of car engines as the lights flickered from red to green. The tiny shops on the corners, and the takeout places to the left. Ah, I liked that sushi place. Hyunjin loved it too.

And it was obvious when you rounded the next street corner, eyes turning upwards as snow fell heavier around you, that walking hadn’t helped anything.

Except to make you feel even lonelier.

…

Classes ended on a solemn note for Hyunjin. He didn’t miss a single one of his teacher’s judgemental glances in his direction at the last chime of the bells. He certainly didn’t need them to tell him that most of his grades were currently sitting at dangerous spots- and these upcoming exams would be extremely important.

He needed to pass.

Whispers followed him in the halls. He didn’t miss their glances, either, as a group of students passed.

“He’s not even trying- doesn’t he know others would kill to be in his place?”

“Seriously, he received enough bursaries for me and my sister to attend a year of college.”

“He’s just a pretty face, no brains.”

He ducked out of the hall, desensitized to the phrases he was used to hearing. They’d batted inside the back of his head since he was in high school, and it had been his parents saying the same things.

Just a pretty face.

His parents had been the ones to ensure his place at the university, complete with bursaries to keep his finances well taken care of. They had connections, see, and had high expectations for Hyunjin’s future. Too bad they had such a disappointment for a child, he thought bitterly. 

Still, it was easy enough to let the words pass from one ear and out the next. He’d heard them enough times that he was almost numb to them. Almost.

Hyunjin sighed as he readjusted the bag slung over his shoulder and hurried down the steps away from campus. He had work again, and he couldn’t dawdle. He already owed his coworkers enough; Seungmin, a fellow student, had been kind enough to lend him an extra shirt for his last shift, and he didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

Luckily, the shop wasn’t too far. He arrived a few minutes early, greeting Felix- a younger boy with blonde curls and heaps of freckles on his cheeks- with a small smile as he ducked inside the warm shop, a pleasant contrast to the bitter cold outside.

“You beat me.” Hyunjin panted, pulling off his coat.

“The Professor let us out a few minutes early.” Felix explained, busy arranging a basket of flowers with careful precision. “Where are the scissors?”

Hyunjin crouched behind the counter, digging through the bottom door to find a pair of scissors and hand them to the boy.

“Thank you.”

“Hey!” This was Jeongin, a younger kid whose parents owned the shop, appearing from one of the back rooms with a cardboard box filled with labelling cards. “You’re out!”

“Except for exams, yeah.” Hyunjin agreed, fondly ruffling the boy’s hair. He pulled away, shaking away his hand. 

“Hey, you were at that party yesterday, weren’t you?”

Hyunjin hadn’t expected that. “Yeah- yeah, and you were?”

“We both were.” Felix sliced a red ribbon and tied it carefully around the handle of the basket. He stepped back, smiling as he admired his handiwork before adding. “We thought of stopping to talk, but…”

“You looked wasted, dude.” Jeongin finished, setting the box on the counter before turning eyes to Hyunjin.

The long haired boy shifted his feet under Jeongin’s gaze. “I… might have had a bit too much to drink.”

He turned to pluck his apron from the peg on the wall; Felix chuckled behind him.

“Good thing y/n was there. That’s who it was, right?”

Hyunjin avoided looking back, clumsily tying his apron. “Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, just…” his voice trailed away.

Now Hyunjin glanced back, frowning at Felix’s hesitation. He looked a little… apprehensive? “What? What happened? Did I do something-”

“Oh, nothing bad.” Felix chuckled, his worry crumbling enough to ease Hyunjin’s shoulders back to relaxing as he turned away again. Until Felix added. “It’s just that you told her you loved her.”

Hyunjin froze with his fingers still pulling the strings tight. The words echoed in his head- taking a moment to process before the gravity of what Felix was saying took hold. He let the bow fall slack, turning slowly to face the two boys. “What?”

“She sat you down, gave you water and then you told her you loved her.” Jeongin laughed, clearly finding this very amusing.

But Hyunjin found this anything but funny. He’d said… to you…

Was that why you’d been acting weirdly? Wait, more importantly- did that mean you knew he’d meant it?

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Jeongin shrugged. “You were drunk, people say stupid things all the time when they’re wasted.”

Right. You had to think that.

Right?

“You must have been pretty drunk to forget, though.” Felix picked up his basket, nudging Hyunjin on his way past. “Hey, don’t worry about it too much. I’m sure she doesn’t care.”

Did you care?

That was the question that circled Hyunjin’s brain as he ducked away, finding recluse in the storage room to think. He’d told you- actually told you to your face- that he loved you. Sure, he’d been drunk, but he’d still said it.

Did you care that he’d said it?

He cursed his foggy memory, that hadn’t clung onto to that moment. He had no idea how you’d responded- he had no idea if you’d brushed it off or not. And he had no idea what to do now that he knew vaguely what had happened.

He recalled your flustered state yesterday morning; the tinge of red on your ears, the tenderness of your eyes when you’d looked at him…

And his wild thoughts desperately hoped that maybe, maybe that meant you loved him too.

Could it be possible? He’d wondered before, but never with much hope; only a hopeless romantic’s dream of gentle kisses and shared smiles and tight embraces that he figured would only ever exist in his imagination. And after your announcement of moving back to California, even those hopeful thoughts had disappeared. His time had run out- long distance relationships never worked out anyways, and that was even if you’d wanted one. And if so many other things didn’t stand in the way.

“Hyunjin?” Felix’s head popped through the door, his features twisted into a frown. “It’s your girlfriend. You left your phone on the counter- she wants to talk to you-”

Shit. “Tell her I’ll call her back.”

“Ah- okay.” Felix pulled out again, and the reality of his living world fell back on him like a heavy weight.

What to do now? Nothing.

He would go home. He’d call Ava, maybe find a distraction. And he’d try his very best to forget again.

5 days. He had a lot to worry about in the next little bit, that was for sure.

…

It was another two days before you saw Hyunjin. You’d promised to study with him before the exams, arranging a meeting at one of the nearby libraries in the afternoon to pore over notes and books and cram as much knowledge as possible into your brain. As usual, you arrived earlier than Hyunjin and found a free table to set up for your study session- including a few small muffins to feed your appetites. 

But today was already starting out much different than you’d intended. Once seated, you had the time to wait and realize that you were oddly nervous to see him.

In fact, as the minutes ticked closer to 3 o’clock, you swore there were butterflies dancing inside of you.

Gosh, you needed to get a grip. He was the same Hwang Hyunjin as he’d been before that drunken confession- unavailable and unreachable. This changed nothing.

But when you spotted him walking towards you with his navy backpack slung over his shoulder and black jacket making him look way too cute, you knew it changed everything.

“I brought coffee.” He smiled as he slid into the chair beside you, plopping two drinks on the table- Americano for him, steaming cup of Espresso for you.

“Thanks.” You took a sip, relishing the taste and praying the hot liquid would drown those stupid butterflies as you flipped open your first notebook. 

“Well, we can’t have a future famous journalist low on caffeine during exam season!” He exclaimed with a teasing grin- and you felt relieved that he seemed to be in at least somewhat decent spirits.

“If I get through university.”

“You will.” Hyunjin assured, sounding so confident you glanced at him in surprise. He just smiled at you. “I believe in you.”

What was it about those words from his mouth that made you feel ridiculously flustered? Those butterflies had evidently survived the coffee. You quickly spoke to hide your sudden shyness. “Well, don’t neglect your own caffeine then.”

“Ah.” His smile faltered, and you caught it easily. You didn’t need to ask to know he doubted his ability to pass. With a firm exhale, you pressed his coffee closer to him.

“We’re both going to smash these exams. Okay?”

Slowly, Hyunjin nodded and released a tense breath. “Okay.” He replied softly, lips curving upwards slightly. “I mean, with you as my study partner how could I not?”

You slowly grinned, tossing your hair dramatically. “Aren’t you lucky to have me?”

“Very.” He giggled, but the sincerity in his eyes still reached you- and you didn’t quite know what to do about that, so you cleared your throat.

“I suppose we should get started.”

You waited for Hyunjin to pull his books from his bag; his long dark hair fell before his eyes as he bent down, and you tried not to care too much about it, and the urge to run your fingers through it. At last he plopped his textbooks and scattered notes onto the table with a sigh. “Right.”

But looking over notes and exchanging questions proved to be more difficult than you’d expected. From the get go the atmosphere felt different; electric, and noticeably so. It was nearly impossible to concentrate for reasons beyond you- was it lack of sleep that made your eyes wander to watch Hyunjin flip a page, take a sip of his coffee, or mouth words to himself? Time was hazy while you couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized by the small furrow of his brow, the bright focus in his eyes. You’d always thought he was absolutely stunning, but today it was harder to ignore.

You shook your head slightly, scolding yourself to get a grip. You turned back to your pages, eyes glaring at the notes you’d scribbled about Pride and Prejudice and War and Peace without really soaking any of it into your brain. 

An hour passed slowly. You worked mostly in silence, occasionally exchanging thoughts and points and sipping your individual drinks. You helped him with a few of the analyses and quizzed him (quite distractedly). The muffins were devoured in no time, the chocolate taste lingering on the tip of your tongue as you worked away for another hour. You thought you might be going brain dead when Hyunjin suddenly laughed.

You looked up quickly, confused. “What?”

“Wait, did you do that?”

He was pointing to his notes and with a start, you realized there were small drawings in the margins- doodled eyes and flowers and flames and whatnot. Your expression broke into a smile as warmth flooded your chest with the memory.

“You fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up. Remember, when Professor Watson was giving that speech about-”

“Provision and prosperity.” Hyunjin groaned in remembrance, before looking back at the pencilled designs. “I never noticed these.”

His fingers traced the outlines of the sketches, a faint smile pulling at his lips. His eyes held an undeniable fondness that had your heart doing back flips as you attempted to return to work.

But damn, he was so distracting. You couldn’t help but look back at him, still intently focused on your drawings. You once again had the urge to brush the loose strands of his dark hair behind his ear, and maybe kiss the corner of his gentle smile-

Then his eyes glanced your way- shit-

He opened his mouth, but you blurted with cheeks flaming, “Are you cold? It’s freezing, isn’t it?”

Ha. Lies, you felt like you were burning alive.

Hyunjin softly smiled. “You’re so silly, why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

You shrugged. “I don’t live too far, I had a hoodie and it’s not that cold-”

Suddenly he was sitting back shaking off his jacket. Your heart stammered and your breath caught at the sudden closeness as he turned to face you, leaning forward slightly and sliding his jacket over your shoulders.

“There.” He murmured; his eyes met yours as he paused his movements.

Yes, there it was. Electric.

He pulled back quickly, grabbing his pencil and turning his gaze away. Thankfully so, because it was that moment that your fingers curled around his jacket sleeve and heat swam to your face- it smelled just like him. Dark musk, with a slight hint of something floral.

“Thank you.” You managed at last, bending your head to look back at the book and away from the boy before you could make eye contact again- and he might notice the intense blush painting your cheeks.

He hummed in acknowledgment, scratching something down with his pencil. Otherwise it was tensely silent, leaving you room to wonder why, why, why did you pick the library? It was like your senses were on high alert in the near complete stillness of the room, your every nerve absolutely focused on Hyunjin’s small movements, the smell of his jacket, the faint brush of his knee against yours under the table; again you were drawn to slowly look at him, and with a jolt you realized he was staring back.

His words echoed relentlessly in your mind. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

You couldn’t pull away this time, like your gazes were magnets with an unstoppable attraction. You searched his eyes, hoping to dig through the emotions in them and find answers. Had he meant it at all? His lips were slightly parted, and it took every fibre of your self control to stay still in your seat.

What are we even doing here? You silently screamed. It feels like torture, but I can’t stop wanting you.

Hyunjin’s phone chose that instant to buzz on the table, lighting up with a caller ID you recognized before Hyunjin picked it up. Ironic, for her to be the one to interrupt… whatever the hell that had been.

“Ava?”

Her voice crackled from the speaker, but you couldn’t make out any words as Hyunjin hummed into the phone. “Yeah. Okay, sure. I’ll be there soon.”

With his gaze no longer on you, you slumped back in your seat, feeling rather foolish and small. Were you just reading into things? He had a girlfriend, after all.

A girlfriend he never talks about. A girlfriend he doesn’t seem to trust.

Did it matter?

Hyunjin turned back to you, and you had trouble meeting his eyes again- this time, for a reason unknown to you. “Sorry. Ava…”

He didn’t finish, and you couldn’t help it when you looked up and asked. “Do you love her, Hyunjin?”

His eyes snapped to yours, and he seemed taken aback. “What?”

You merely swallowed, kind of wishing you could brush away the question. Where had it even come from? Curiosity? Jealousy?

Hope?

Hope for what? You damn idiot, none of this matters!

“No.”

It echoed in your head and it burned in the way that he looked at you when he said that; like he needed you to know that, like he’d been begging for a reason to tell you. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. Still, you ignored all the warning lights in your brain and all logic of your situation- because yes, it didn’t matter- and you pressed on anyway.

“Then why…”

“I don’t love her. I never did, and she knows that.” He murmured, completely unreadable as he closed his textbooks. “We just both needed someone when we felt especially lonely. That was the agreement all along.”

Your throat felt suddenly dry, and no words found their way to your tongue. Speechless, you sat silent as Hyunjin watched you, completely unreadable.

And what now?

Shit, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. 

You needed to process, to clear your spinning head. But you still felt frozen in your seat.

Luckily Hyunjin spoke first. “You can keep my jacket. I guess Ava’s coming to pick me up. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

He stored his books away, and finally a bit of sense returned to you. “Ah, okay. Get home safe.”

He half smiled in your direction, then almost seemed to hesitate stepping away. That small hesitation nearly broke something in you, but you remained firmly in your seat.

“Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight.” You whispered, and let him walk away.

3 days. 3 days that would feel like an eternity and a second all at once.

…

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around himself, shivering from the cold as he scanned the parking lot for Ava’s vehicle. He quickly spotted the maroon coloured Sedan, and jogged towards it. As he approached, he could make out her figure through the glass. Her thick curls and wide eyes, which turned to meet his own when he knocked on the window.

“Hey.” She gestured and he slipped inside, buckling his seatbelt as she started the engine. 

He nodded back, asking, “You said you needed me?”

“Yep.” She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “And you sounded less than happy about that.”

He had, hadn't he? He bit his lip, trying to figure out what to say- but he didn’t even know what the problem was.

Hyunjin’s relationship with Ava was almost as complicated as the one between him and you. He’d met her several times in class, and then outside of class for a casual coffee. She was bold, and although a little pushy, she was one of the few students who didn't seem to resent him. When she’d suggest a kind of ‘friends with benefits,’ he’d been surprised to say the least- and his first instinct had been to say no. After all, he was well aware of his feelings for you then, so why would he agree to sleep with Ava?

But one day, after a particularly dismal week, you found him at a party far more drunk than he usually was. It was the first time you’d helped him- and when he took a look at himself in the mirror the next morning, he knew. He couldn’t do this. You already had your own problems to deal with- you didn’t need the weight of him and his feelings on your shoulders, too.

Was that dumb? Maybe. But Hyunjin had agreed to Ava’s offer, and the rest was history. He’d been honest from the beginning about his intentions, confiding his affection for you to her to make it clear that he wasn’t looking for anything more than casual sex. And it didn’t happen often- only when both of you were particularly stressed- but soon enough word had spread. Ava and Hyunjin, a couple.

Like every other rumour, he let the words pass through him. Except when it came from you- then it hurt more than he’d wanted to admit. But if that’s what it kept to hold himself back, he could find a way to push aside the pain.

Still, he’d never felt as guilty about it as he felt today. For some reason, the idea made him feel… wrong. Maybe because of what he’d said to you at the party. Or maybe because of whatever tension had lingered in the library just minutes ago, and he’d almost thought he might…

Hyunjin didn’t realize he’d fallen silent, drifting into thought until Ava nudged him back to the present.

“Sorry-”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin looked up, as Ava pulled into the lot connected to the first few dorm halls. She turned off the engine and turned to look at him, dark eyes void of emotion. “Y/n. That’s why you’re hesitating today.”

Hyunjin wet his lips and opened his mouth to speak- but he couldn’t find the words. His mind still felt muddled from your earlier question.

“Do you love her?”

Why had you asked him that? And why had he told you the truth?

“I’m… just not up to it today.” Hyunjin responded- since that was technically true. “And I have to study some more.”

Ava didn’t say anything for a minute, just stared at him. Hyunjin felt an odd frustration boil up inside of him, although he was unsure where it was coming from. “You can’t ask me to-”

“I’m not.” She replied, pulling the key from the ignition and shrugging. “It’s your choice. But you know it doesn’t matter, right?”

Hyunjin couldn’t look at her as he spoke, fingers clutching the door handle. The car was beginning to feel suffocating. “It’s just friends with benefits. No strings attached.”

“Hyunjin… it’s never been that simple.”

His eyes jolted to find hers, staring at him intently. He noticed the nervous tapping of her fingers on her thigh, and the tiny crack in her facade in the depth of her irises. It’s never been that simple.

She… “Ava-”

“We could be good together- actually together.” She exclaimed, crossing her arms and looking away. He thought he caught a flash of desperation in her eyes. “Everyone believes it already-”

“I never meant to lead you on-”

“You didn’t.” She shrugged again, but Hyunjin was starting to think her indifference was her type of armour. He knew about that all too well. “But think about it. She’s leaving, and then what? Long distance? How long do you think that would last? If she even wants you.”

Hyunjin was frozen as the words pounded inside his brain, a chorus that he was all too familiar with, the things he quoted to himself. Ava was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

“I-” his grip on the car handle tightened as he tried to stop the trembling of his body. “I can’t.”

Ava merely sighed and waved him out of the vehicle. He clambered out, shutting the door behind him quickly. But she rolled down the window anyway and told him, “Think about it.”

He didn’t know what to say- his heart just ached, and he needed space. “See you.” He murmured, turning quickly to leave. 

It hurts. Everything hurts.

Ava called after him, her words clinging like a shadow as he walked away. “Whether you’re willing to accept it yet or not, she’s going to be gone soon- and then I’ll be all you have left.”

…

It was actually a relief for Hyunjin to have the upcoming exams to occupy his mind and suck away most of his free time. If not for the constant distraction he had from the diminishing time you had left in New York, Hyunjin wasn’t sure what he would have done. Already he thought of your departure far too often for his confused and aching heart. Two days, that was it, and he was completely torn in every way concerning you. Only one thing felt certain; there was no way to stop this. You were leaving- and you were leaving for good. Hyunjin held no power to stop it. Ava’s words flooded his brain, too, but he was determined not to dwell on that. He had more pressing things right now.

He could only watch as your last day dawned, flooded near full with exams. Hyunjin carried his worries with him even as he completed his tests, mind having trouble focusing at first when he spotted your hunched figure in one of the seats. You didn’t look his way, but he could still see the tiredness in your gaze, lack of proper sleep evident in the dark circles that were like bruises under your eyes. He chewed absentmindedly on his lip until the overseer cleared their throat, glaring at Hyunjin- the exam had already started.

From there, he tried his damned hardest on each task. He wasn’t confident by the end- but then again, he never was. When he at last handed in his paper, one of the last students in the room, he found your figure had disappeared. 

It was just as well, he decided. His next exam was the most important to do well on. You’d only serve to distract his mind.

Yeah. So why do I feel so heavy?

The next exam, somehow, passed smoothly. Maybe last minute panic and pressure had helped with his focus, or maybe you really had been quite the study partner. But by the end he was cautiously optimistic that he had gotten a decent score.

Regardless, leaving the university grounds was extremely relieving. At least now he could leave this burden behind- he’d done his best, and he supposed the rest was up to fate now. The day was cloudy and warmer than yesterday- maybe even warm enough for rainfall to replace the snow. He sent a silent prayer against it, and hurried down the sidewalk.

His dorm had never felt more welcoming; Hyunjin dropped his bag in the entrance and promptly collapsed onto the nearest surface- his couch- with a heavy exhale. His eyes closed, a headache stinging at the edges of his brow. 

And here his thoughts of you resurfaced. The horrible realization that you were leaving tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

It felt surreal, like a dream he’d wake up from soon enough. Reality would return and you’d be staying, finances taken care of- and Hyunjin would be better, the hollowness in himself somehow filled. No problems, no worries; just the two of you, strong and whole enough to face anything the world could throw at you.

“If only.” He whispered to the empty room, returned only by dull silence.

He couldn’t just sit here, or he would go insane. 

He was seeing you off tomorrow at the airport, but the time that stretched until then was sure to be agonizing. He wondered if he’d be able to sleep. He wondered if he would be able to bear the steady march of time; sixteen hours to go.

His hands itched to grab his jacket and run out the door to find something heavy to drink. He wanted to drown his dread and anxiety in bouts of alcohol, the feelings caged in his chest threatening to shatter his rib cage with its pressure. Instead, he stood abruptly with a resolute shake of his head, heading for the kitchen. If he just kept himself busy, he would be okay. He wasn��t about to show up at the airport with a raging hangover. That wasn’t fair to you and was hardly how he wanted his goodbye to be.

Goodbye.

His fingers twitched. Hyunjin blew out a breath and pulled a package of ramen from the cupboard.

Fifteen hours and fifty-eight minutes. He ripped open the package and set to work.

…

You had one more exam than Hyunjin; you took it later in the day, late in the afternoon. Your previous exams had all been haunted with the shadow of your approaching departure, and you’d desperately pushed them away. You’d had a tough sleep the night before, which didn’t help your already foggy brain, but you were still fairly optimistic as you stepped out of your last exam room. Tests were your forte, something you’d always excelled in. Even the opinion essay hadn’t proved overly difficult. You were almost cheery as you walked away from the school grounds.

Almost.

At the main gates, you turned around and simply watched. Students huddled in groups big and small, laughter carried by the wind as celebrations ensued, grateful for exams to be over. A light layer of snow glistened over the ground, melting around the edges; a sparrow hopped over its branch, carefree. Your smile faded as your eyes trailed the area, every building, tree and person.

“See ya, I guess.” You murmured, absentmindedly tapping one of the gate’s stone pillars. The first of many goodbyes you’d face today. Already you felt heavier.

Your feet dragged slightly over the sidewalk as you trudged in the vague direction of your apartment. A couple students waved and shouted farewells, but none of them were close enough acquaintances to offer anything more. You stopped off by your work on the way home, and it was almost relieving to have a final farewell. It was like tying everything up; exchanging thank yous and good lucks that made it a little easier to smile as you found your way to your apartment afterwards. Upon entering the silent space, however, you felt your smile fade as your mind wandered to your most difficult goodbye.

And Hwang Hyunjin, you certainly aren’t making it any easier.

You busied yourself with packing, stuffing all of your belongings into a large suitcase and travel bags. Accompanied by gentle music and the fading light outside your window, you felt slightly more at ease. Slowly your flat was emptied- the only food, a few cartons of Chinese food and sushi, was quickly devoured- and your bags were ready by the door for the following morning. A last sweep of the rooms later, you flopped on the floor exhausted. 

By now, the sky had darkened significantly. The lights of the city stretched out to the horizon, a faint golden glow rising from the busy streets that rushed on without a care in the world. As if one of its residents wasn’t seeing this view for the last time.

And here they were; tears that filled your eyes and blurred your vision of the rising skyscrapers and bustling cafes below as you pressed your fingertips to the cold glass of the window. Damn. You shook your head when the first tear slipped over, wiping your eyes. You would not spend your last night crying. If you had to leave, tonight would be one to remember, you were determined.

But how? How, when the hole inside you felt so vastly empty? You swore nothing could make you forget it. Hell, nothing ever did.

Except… 

You sat up straight with sudden clarity. Maybe you did know exactly what you wanted tonight. 

Maybe it’s foolish. Maybe it’s selfish. 

But even if it was, you couldn’t help it. Shit, Hyunjin. You couldn’t begin to understand the grip you have on me.

Your phone was out of your pocket in an instant and before you could chicken out, the line was ringing. You waited, breath held, for several tones before… click.

“Y/n?”

You’d never been more happy to hear his voice. You swallowed, fingertips sliding down the glass. The city really did look so pretty tonight.

“You owe me, remember?”

“Anything.” He replied, and the genuine care in his tone nearly broke you. You blinked back more tears as you struggled to answer. LA would be so lonely without him.

Your voice was quiet when you at last spoke a little shakily into the speaker. “Can I come pick you up?”

… 

When the phone call ended, Hyunjin’s mind flew into a frenzy.

As soon as you’d asked him, he hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He didn’t need a reason to see you- but now that you’d hung up, and the silence of his empty apartment greeted him, he began to worry.

It was very unlike you to call out of the blue like this- and request to see him instantly. Was something wrong? Had something happened? He quickly changed into something nicer- a red button up and black jeans- before anxiously waiting in the lobby downstairs, coat in his arms.

The minutes seemed to stretch on for ages before he finally spotted your car pulling into the parking lot. He hurried out the door and jogged towards your vehicle, greeting you first by your rolled down window.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, breathing heavy from his short run.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden- I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, slow down.” Hyunjin stared worriedly at your face; you were trembling and almost as out of breath as he was. “Take a breath.”

You nodded and inhaled slowly, before blurting out, “Let’s go somewhere. I want my last night here-” you swallowed roughly. “I want it to be special.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. Hyunjin timidly took your hand and squeezed it. “Where are we off to then?”

You smiled then, and Hyunjin wished he could capture that moment in his brain forever- the way your eyes softened around the edges, and he could almost feel a bit of your stress melt away. “Get in and you’ll find out.”

Whatever little luck brought you here to me tonight; thank you.

And his heart hammered a little faster as he took his spot in the passenger’s seat and realized that for your very last night in New York, you’d wanted to spend it with him.

“Alright.” Hyunjin strapped on his buckle. “Ready.”

You glanced sideways at him, and a little grin pulled at your lips. “What do you say to sushi?”

…

Of course Hyunjin held no complaints about ordering from your favourite sushi place, and in no time you were wandering the streets of New York, sharing a large tin of sushi rolls. You’d abandoned your car in favour of walking, and it was oddly easy to forget about your upcoming departure in Hyunjin’s presence. For now, at least, you were with him and you could pretend that it could last forever. You fell into a natural rhythm quickly, even down to the last piece of sushi that you- of course- fought over.

“It’s my favourite kind!” You whined, as Hyunjin laughed and held the tin out of your reach.

“I’m sacrificing my evening for this.” Hyunjin teased, as you rolled your eyes. He laughed, making you smile grudgingly before he lowered the tin and offered it to you. “I guess you can have it, though.”

You made a point of enjoying your last piece as Hyunjin discarded the tin and you moved forward again. Your eyes observed the busy city with its towering skyscrapers and buzzing cafes and the nearby park. It was still weird to you how quickly this place had grown to feel like home. 

You noticed Hyunjin watching you, and raised an eyebrow in his direction. He simply shrugged with a bashful smile. “Everything’s really pretty tonight.”

You nodded, ignoring the sudden urge to hold the boy’s hand as he walked beside you. You crossed the street while fighting the tug in your chest, before resolutely stuffing your fist into your coat pocket. “Look at the fountain.”

Both your eyes turned to observe the bubbling fountain as students and couples and friends balanced on the stone ledge surrounding the clear water. It was oddly quiet today as you trailed behind Hyunjin to stand beside it. You watched him stare at the water, a small smile on his face.

“Remember when you fell in-”

“Yeah, you promised never to mention that again!” You exclaimed, smacking his arm as the boy laughed.

“You asked me to take a picture, but when you turned to pose-” he was giggling uncontrollably now, and you couldn’t help but smile at that. “You tripped and fell-” 

“I got soaked, and the water was freezing.” You replied indignantly, as Hyunjin settled on the ledge as his laughter subsided. You joined him after a minute, and all was silent again. 

“We used to make wishes in the fountain, too.” Hyunjin murmured, almost too quiet for you to hear. “But I don’t think I have any coins now.”

You turned your head so you could see the water ripple with the next gentle breath of wind. “Maybe we’ve run out of wishes.” You whispered.

Was it the dim lighting, or did Hyunjin have faint tears in his eyes? But then he blinked and they were gone, and he was standing. He gestured away with his head, smiling. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

You stood, looking down each of the paths. Each one held memories that you’d shared with your classmates and various acquaintances- and more than any of them, with Hyunjin. You didn’t know if you had the willpower to move yet.

“It’s okay.” You tilted your head to look at Hyunjin, who smiled gently at you before looking back at the scenery and adding, “Take your time.”

His thoughtfulness always caught you off guard. Again, you felt the urge to take Hyunjin’s hand in yours. It was nearly unbearable because he didn’t even notice your struggle, still staring out at the park grounds.

Ah, what the hell-

Before you could lose your nerve, you grabbed Hyunjin's hand and quickly intertwined your fingers with his. His head whirled to face you, eyes wide as they stared at your hands locked together. You braced yourself, half expecting for him to pull away. Instead, he squeezed your hand lightly and smiled before joining you in watching the bustle of the park one last time.

Maybe you were only making this harder for yourself- for the both of you, even. But his hand in yours felt so good in this moment that you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

…

Hyunjin could tell how difficult this was for you, even before you’d stopped by the fountain.

He wondered if he’d been in the right for bringing up the incident- but you’d been smiling, and that was what mattered tonight. Helping you to enjoy that last bit of time you had in this city, painted with memories.

So he pulled you forward into a light run, an idea tugging on his brain as you called after him.

“Hyunjin- what-”

“Trust me, I have an idea.” He replied, glancing over his shoulder at your chasing figure. He was relieved to see you smiling again. “Let’s hope it’s still cold enough, though.”

Your curious expression was adorable. Hyunjin just hoped you’d be as thrilled with his idea as he was.

At last, he found what he was looking for. Your eyes stretched wide as you took in the ice rink- luckily still usable- and Hyunjin waited nervously for you to speak. “Well? What do you think?”. 

“You remembered.” You said softly, turning to Hyunjin with your eyes aglow. You slowly smiled at him- and Hyunjin thought he might do anything to earn that smile from you again. “You remembered I wanted to try ice skating one day…”

“Why not now?” He tugged on your sleeve, and immediately you nodded.

“But… we don’t have skates.”

“An easy fix.” He responded, and in minutes you’d rented two pairs of skates. Another few minutes as you laced them up, and then you were both standing before the rink, empty save for a few other people.

Hyunjin stepped carefully onto the ice first- a little melt-y around the edges but ice nonetheless. “Here.” He offered you his hand, suddenly feeling shy when you stared at it. At last you took his hand, and his fingertips tingled at the touch. 

“Here.” He grabbed your other hand, ignoring the heat on the back of his neck and ears as he helped you onto the ice. You wobbled slightly, gripping his hands tighter. Hyunjin chucked at your wary expression. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

You didn’t look assured but nodded anyway. “Alright, now what?”

“Skate!” Hyunjin faked releasing your hands, and you gasped, reaching to take his fingers in a death grip. He felt a rush of immense pleasure run through him as you pulled him back to you, even as you muttered curses at him.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself-”

“Asshole.”

“I promise, no more tricks.”

“You’d better mean it, Hwang Hyunjin, I swear to god-”

He laughed, and slowly started to skate backwards. You inhaled sharply, but attempted a step forward, then another. It was shaky, for sure, but after a minute or so you started to loosen up.

“There! You’re a natural!” Hyunjin grinned, watching as you pushed out slightly with your next step. You looked at him, eyes wide with wonder.

“It’s like…”

“Flying. Isn’t it?” He murmured, and you nodded. “Ready for me to let go?”

“Okay.” You said, and Hyunjin released your hands.

He watched breathlessly as you inhaled before lifting your right foot. With a small push off the other foot, you were sailing forward- a small wobble, but you remained upright as you took the next step. And the next, and the next.

“Hyunjin!” You shouted, beaming, and Hyunjin’s heart was soaring with you as you attempted to turn and come back to him. But he beat you, too excited at your success. He skated to you and before he could think better of it, he’d pulled you to his chest in a tight hug.

“You were flying.” He said with a soft laugh, while simultaneously feeling a lump in his throat as you wound your arms around him. He felt oddly emotional as he held you, before having at least enough sense to let you go after a brief moment. “You did it.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to without you.” You replied, softly.

And for some reason, those words made his heart ache.

“Come on.” He murmured, reaching to take your hand again. “Let’s skate.”

And keep pretending that tomorrow will never come.

…

Hyunjin knew that you both spent hours on the ice, but it passed by in the blink of an eye. You were a fast learner, and after a while you were both whizzing over the rink, chasing each other, and spinning one another in circles. Every time Hyunjin’s eyes met your excited ones, it left him breathless; he was just that in love with you.

However, your feet grew tired eventually and you retired from the ice. After you returned the skates, you continued down the pathways of the park side by side. You were practically glowing, and Hyunjin found himself feeling proud that he’d been able to make you smile like this tonight.

The sky was dark now, and the park was growing quieter as more people retired for the night. With the late hour returned Hyunjin’s sense of dread. He was again made aware that he had such limited time with you, and it was gnawing at his mind feverishly. He wanted to hold your hand again, but he felt hesitant now. Why would he, when he’d have to let go again anyways?

“Look!” You exclaimed, bringing him out of his thoughts. You were pointing to a shaded booth ahead; a short line of people were waiting for a turn for photos. 

“Do you want to?” Hyunjin asked, to which you immediately nodded.

“It’ll be a nice momento for tonight before we have to head home.” You murmured as you approached the line, and the pair in front of you stepped inside the photo booth.

Hyunjin felt a sharp pang in his chest at your words, but made sure it didn’t show. He merely smiled, determined not to bring down your mood. “That would be nice.”

And as it turned out, it was exactly what you both needed. Between goofy faces and funny props, you were both laughing again as you tumbled from the box and received your photo strips.

“You look ridiculous.” You gasped out, pointing to one of the pictures.

“Hey, speak for yourself.” Hyunjin replied, and you collapsed into a fit of giggles again.

Eventually you calmed down again, and you realized just how late it was getting. Hyunjin wished you could have an eternity to spend here, just soaking in each other’s presence, but all too soon he was back in your car. The streets were painfully clear, bringing back Hyunjin’s sense of dread as a few raindrops began to fall, before evolving into a slow drizzle.

He’d see you tomorrow too, he tried to assure himself as he watched the rain fall. 

But for some reason, this still felt like the end.

And when the triad of dorm halls came into view, an easy goodnight seemed increasingly more impossible. Hyunjin frowned when you stopped by the side of the road- just outside of the parking lot- grinding to a stop and turning off the vehicle. He glanced at your face, half hidden in the darkness, but with visible wetness on your cheeks.

“Y/n?” He murmured gently, deep concern rising in his already tight chest. When you didn’t look at him, he carefully took your hand. You flinched at his touch, but when Hyunjin moved to let go, you only gripped him tighter. It was completely silent, save for the faint sound of the rain on the car roof.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, rubbing your hand with his thumb, hating how utterly hollow your eyes looked at this moment. He wished he could somehow take away every pain that burdened you, and fix every shitty thing that tore you from this place and from him. You deserved so much more, and if he could give it to you he would in a heartbeat. Now, all he could do was watch as you slowly looked at him and locked gazes.

The rain pounded in time with his heart that suddenly spud up. There was something unfamiliar in your eyes; something blazing in them. Something like a spark.

How it happened, Hyunjin didn’t know- but then your lips were firmly attached to his, moving slowly to capture his own perfectly. And he was kissing you back, and nothing else mattered anymore except the roaring fire of adrenaline overtaking his body as he quickly moved to grasp your face in his hands and kiss you harder. It was deep and passionate and raw with emotions that now burst into the open; months upon months of yearning and longing and at last he knew exactly what you tasted like- and he could tangle his fingers into your hair and press you closer, closer, ever closer.

You were lightning, and you’d set him ablaze.

And just as suddenly as it had started he was pulling back, finding his own cheeks tear stained, gasping for air that hadn’t seemed important seconds ago but now felt impossibly needed.

“No, we can’t, we can’t-“ he sobbed, hating every word of what tumbled from his lips when his heart screamed anything but ‘no.’ “I’m sorry, y/n, I’m sorry but we can’t-”

“Why not?” You choked out in a fervent whisper, a desperate gleam in your eyes that were also muddled with tears. “Crazier things have happened, right?”

“It’s impossible.” Hyunjin whispered, almost choking himself, on the words and his hatred of them. But if this world had taught him anything, it was that life was never, ever fucking fair.

“I can’t love you.” His breathing was ragged as he blinked harshly against tears, trying to keep his composure, keep strong like he’d always made himself be; yet those crystals of pain dripped down his cheeks anyways. “You’re going to California and you’re going to graduate and become an incredible journalist. And I’ll only stand in the way.” Hyunjin tried to collect himself again, fighting the raw feeling of his throat- but he’d never felt pain as horrible as this. You’d been so perfect in his embrace.

“I could never deserve you anyways.”

“Hyunjin… that’s not true. We….” But your words were aimless and you fell silent again, biting your lips as another tear trickled down your face. You knew it, too, didn’t you? Things could never have worked out between you- it was a horrible, bitter truth.

It was his fault, he convinced himself then. His fault this was so hard for you. 

He had to let you go, if only for your sake.

But before he did, he allowed himself to gently brush away your tears, and softly kiss your stained cheeks. You closed your eyes as he gently kissed your forehead- when he tore away from you at last, his aching heart tore, too.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could manage before he pushed open the car door and stumbled out of the vehicle into the drizzle of rain. It was mere seconds before he felt the too familiar ache in his chest welling up again, and he dashed towards the dorm buildings before you could see him break.

He forced himself not to look back- for your sake or his own, he wasn’t sure.

…

Hyunjin’s mind was spinning as his feet carried him into the nearest building. He didn’t even realize that he wasn’t in his own dorm hall until his phone was in his hands, and he was speaking into it.

“Can I come?”

It hurt too much. The wrenching pain in his heart was unbearable as flashes of that moment in the car ran through his mind like a film. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream; more than all of those, he wanted the pain to go away.  It was instinct that took him here, knocking on the door and hearing her soft voice tell him, “Come in.”

It was dark inside, only a sole lamp giving light to the room. Ava was perched on the edge of the couch, black skirt riding suspiciously up her thigh as she twisted her hair. Her catlike eyes found his own. “That’s it then.” She whispered as Hyunjin found himself reaching for the doorframe, feeling weary. “She’s gone, isn’t she?”

Your hand had been so warm in his.

Numbly, he nodded. Ava exhaled, biting her bottom lip as she stood, languid and feline in her steps towards him.

“Come on, baby.” She murmured, leaning in to mumble in his ear. “Let me help you.”

He let her pull him forward, mind warring against itself as she made fast work of his shirt, kissing down his collarbone and sighing against his skin. He was pushed down onto the couch, his own hands acting instinctively- mechanically- to crawl over her skin. She hummed in approval, looking at him with gleaming eyes. “I’ll take care of you.” She purred, climbing on top of him and trailing kisses along his jawline as she raked her fingers through his damp hair. Her lips ghosted over his as his shaky hands unclasped her bra, fingers trailing her skin as her warmth pressed closer.

And Hyunjin felt utterly cold.

Every night he’d done this, it had been out of hopelessness. A way to distract himself- from school, from his own misery, and most importantly from the girl he could never have. And maybe he was an asshole for it, but it had been the only thing he could think of to keep himself from chasing after you. He’d known right from the first moment he’d fallen for you that you were way too good for him and he’d been sure he could only bring you misery if you knew of his feelings. So he’d hidden them, and with Ava’s help he’d kept himself busy. 

But now he’d tasted your lips, and for a split second it could have been you in his embrace. It could have been you as his lover. And no touch of Ava’s could make him forget that feeling, and the intense loneliness in his heart could no longer be buried without you.

Hyunjin pulled back instantly, pushing out of Ava’s grasp and whirling to stand. He stumbled, light headed, suddenly needing so much room away from her and the act that he could no longer play a part in. He mumbled out a mindless apology as he leaned heavily against the nearest wall, the huge hole in his chest rapidly expanding. He looked back at Ava, her shadowed figure frozen on the couch.

Strangely her eyes held no surprise, only resolve. The room was silent for several beats- just heavy breathing, and Hyunjin’s heart racing in his ear- before she spoke.

“I knew you didn’t love me when this started.” She murmured, gathering her discarded shirt over her knees as she glared at the wall. “I didn’t expect it; that wasn’t the deal. I guess I just hoped that somewhere along the way, you might start to.”

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin whispered, shaky hand finding his hair- then running over his face, his neck, anything to distract from the ache in his heart. 

She merely looked at him, expression like stone. “Save it. I don’t want your pity. And I don’t think I even want you anymore.”

He hardly registered those words, the pain in his heart so overwhelming that he thought nothing else would be able to shake him. He just took it, feeling guilty and pathetic and broken.

“Go home, Hyunjin.” Her voice trembled as she turned away again. “And don’t talk to me anymore.”

When he stepped outside, he didn’t even feel the rain. He paused under the frigid drops, staring up at the sky for who knew how long. It had never been so hard to take a step, but Hyunjin forced himself one by one to walk away from the hall.

Eventually Hyunjin arrived at his own dorm, soaked and shivering as he shuffled into his room. The door slowly closed behind him with a click, and the dripping bag in his grasp slipped to the ground. 

He stood numbly in the doorstep for several seconds, mind trying to process his surroundings now that he’d been greeted with quiet and calm for the first time that night. At last he moved robotically to remove his shoes- but his foot caught on the lip and he stumbled, knees hitting the ground painfully hard.

Oddly enough, it was this moment that broke him.

It started in welling tears and trembling hands as he ripped the shoe off and dropped it to the floor, trying to catch a breath that continuously escaped him. It all hit him in a wave, emotions too strong for names; the first sob burst from his lips, followed by another and another and another. Once it started, he couldn’t stop- he slowly rocked his body and subconsciously lowered himself to the floor, too weary to stay upright. He found his arms curling around himself, head burying into their cold embrace and finding little comfort as the emptiness of his room and his heart consumed him.

As tears fell faster and his sobs wretched harsher, his mind screamed at him. Pathetic. You’re so pathetic. Laying on the cold floor by his door, crying so hard he nearly vomited, Hyunjin certainly felt that way.

He wore himself out crying, with too little energy to pull himself any farther than the kitchen. Exhausted, he collapsed with heavy breaths on the tile; he could still feel your photo booth pictures in his jacket pocket.

It was a relief when sleep came and allowed his mind to drift away, momentarily giving him peace from the bitterness of reality. When he eventually awoke, the sun greeted him with bright happy rays that he could not smile for. Today was your last.

He’d promised to see you off, hadn't he?

Pathetic.

Yeah, he was. And he couldn’t bear to follow through.

Ten minutes before your flight left, he was still on the ground, miserable and guilty and hollow.

I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry.

…

You strained your neck to see over the crowd as yet another warning reminded you that you needed to board your flight immediately. But desperate hope made you stay, clinging to the plea that Hyunjin would come. He had to.

“This is the last call for flight 325, departing to Los Angeles, California in ten minutes. All passengers please ensure you follow…”

Your grip on your bags tightened, but the crowd was thinning and as you scanned the area again- no Hwang Hyunjin.

You couldn’t wait any longer.

Holding your bags, you raced to board, eyes sweeping the area one last time before you entered the cabin, heart sinking.  You found your spot, packing your bags into the overhead compartment before falling back into your seat. Now that you were still, you had a minute to process.

He hadn’t come.

You glanced out the window and found the scenery slightly blurred. What, tears? You blinked quickly to clear them, swiping at your eyes with a sudden wave of frustration. So what if Hyunjin hadn’t come? So what if he’d broken his promise? It didn’t matter now. You were leaving for good, and you could hardly expect him to bid you farewell after everything. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but as one stupid stubborn tear dripped down your face- it hurt like hell leaving without a proper goodbye.

Why hadn’t he come? Was he so ready to cut ties and move on now that you were leaving? The ghost of your shared kiss lingered in your brain, and you had to wonder; why had you done it? It had been stupid and selfish, but you hadn’t been able to help it. He’d looked at you with so much warmth and concern that you’d acted on impulse- and once your lips had touched his, you couldn’t have pulled away if you wanted to. But why had he kissed you back, and why hadn’t he come today, and why couldn’t you have had more time? More time to kiss him like that. More time to love him, and share coffees and muffins, and share glances across lectures that were particularly boring. You wanted him close, and just when he could have fallen into your embrace, you were dragged away- and now you’d messed up a relationship with someone you loved for a stupid kiss. Idiot.

Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be.

But damn, you’d so hoped it would be.

The plane jolted as it began to move, heading for the runway. You wanted to swear to yourself no more tears, but as more and more memories of New York flooded through your mind it was impossible.

Silent droplets traced your cheeks as the plane’s speed picked up, and then you were off the ground. At that very moment, it hit the hardest.

Goodbye, New York. You stifled a sob, eyes squeezing shut as not to see the city below fade from view. Goodbye, Hyunjin.

…

A month later

Hyunjin wanted to call you, he really did. 

He missed you every day, but he couldn’t call you. Couldn’t even muster up the courage to text you, because it wasn’t fair to you. Why would you want to hear from him after he’d broken his promise and left you hanging? He would go to the ends of the earth if you asked him to, but he would not chase after you- not if he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t hurt you again.

He had never deserved you. He didn’t know if he ever would have, either.

He collapsed on his couch after work, exhausted from the day and the heavy snow that had been dumped on the city and made travelling much harder. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he released a long sigh. His eyes fell on his phone, sitting on the coffee table and his heart clenched. 

What he wouldn’t do to see your smile again. 

He made himself shake his head and stand up. Walk to the kitchen counter, find a mug from the cupboards. He carefully poured boiling water into the cup with a tea bag and brought the steaming drink with him as he settled back on the couch. The silence immediately consumed him.

He couldn’t even try to lie to himself; it was so much lonelier without you. Everywhere he looked had your fingerprints all over it; the fountain, the university, his dorm. Even the flower shop housed your ghost from the days you’d stop by, complimenting the baskets and clipping the ribbons with him. He remembered how happy you’d been in summer when the first of the roses had bloomed and you’d had stores upon stores of them. 

“I’ve never seen so many roses in my life-” you breathed, mouth open. 

He was tempted to tease your gaping expression as a resemblance to a fish, but he was too endeared by your wonder to mention it. “You should see the store during Valentine’s.”

“There’s more then?”

“There’s hundreds of them, in every different colour.” Hyunjin grinned when you plucked one and observed it.

“No thorns.”

“We clip them.”

“Ah.” You put the stem experimentally between your teeth, and this time Hyunjin couldn’t help himself.

“You look like a beaver.”

You frowned, pulling the rose from your mouth. “It’s supposed to be charming.”

“Yes, a very charming beaver.”

You threw the rose at him, and Hyunjin clumsily caught it with a laugh. “Hey, don’t be mad. I’ll even make it up to you.”

You’d raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“I’ll give you the rose for free.”

He offered it to you, and watched the tips of your ears flame. With sudden shyness, he shrugged. “If you want it.”

“Yes.” You murmured, carefully plucking the rose from between his fingers. A second of tense silence passed before you blinked, and smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” If it makes you smile, then anything.

Would the ache in his heart ever heal? He missed everything you’d been together, back when California hadn’t been a part of the equation. More than anything, he just wished you were beside him again.

If you hadn’t left, what would have happened? Would you still have kissed him? Would you be what he woke up to every morning? Or would he have messed it up anyways?

His eyes trailed to the sealed papers that lay beside his phone- midterm marks he’d received the day before and hadn’t yet found the courage to open. He didn’t know what would happen if his marks had suffered, but it certainly wouldn’t be pretty.

But… he would have to face them sooner or later. With hesitancy, Hyunjin grasped the papers and turned them over. After pausing for a breath in and out, he folded them open.

His eyes scanned the pages, desperately finding each grade mark as he held his breath. His first few had remained the same, or improved by barely a couple points. And the very last one, his most worrisome class…

Had improved. 

Improved.

He grinned at the terrible mark, in all its glory, and laughed. Relief swept through his body as he sank back into the couch, letting the paper fall away with his anxieties. Maybe he wouldn’t flunk out, after all.

And who helped him to study for it?

The smile faded slowly as your face swam into his mind with a sharp pang in his chest. This time, however, it came with a realization- of you.

You, who’d touched him in so many ways. Who’d always had his back and had always believed in him, even when he didn’t believe in himself. Who’d meant so much to him, so much that he thought he might even love you - and he was just going to let you go because of a few mistakes? Because of a little distance?

He still owed you at least a dozen apologies, and there was so much left unsaid. And he didn’t know what the future held for the two of you; he didn’t know if you’d be able to pick up all the broken pieces and carry forward or if you’d only be separated and splintered further.

All he knew was that a part of him was out there, 2789 miles away. And it hurt too much not to try and fix it.

I must be the biggest idiot in the world. He thought with a shake of his head. Whether as your friend or your lover- or something in between- no matter what happens with us, it’ll be worth it if I have you.

So he steeled his nerves, took a deep breath and let it out again. Then he picked up the phone, and dialed the number he’d had memorized since the day he’d met you.

His heart raced in his ear as the tone rang. He didn’t know what you would say. Hell, he didn’t know what he would say. He really didn’t know anything. 

But maybe one day, if the universe decided to give you both a break, then maybe- just maybe- you’d see each other again. You’d be beside him again, and he’d be able to wrap you in his arms, place his head on top of yours and his bleeding, broken heart would slowly start to mend.

He could believe it; he could hope. Because your tentative hello that crackled over the speaker sounded cautiously hopeful, too.

After all, crazier things have happened, right?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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[hexhomos]

HI! hope your day is treating you well, i’ve been interested in doomreed for some time but cape comics are sort of daunting to me just because there’s so much content and i really don’t know where to begin. what do you suggest? thank you!

STRAIGHT OUT THE GATE ill say, read [ "My Dinner With Doom" ] (this is a rly high-qual upload, open it up on desktop!)

It's a key issue oneshot with a lil bit of backstory retelling, featuring a private dinner that happens in the 00's - a good entrance point if you're curious about doomreed in summarization + generally speaking a Real Good Comic overall.

LONG POST INCOMING THIS IS A LONG POST / click readmore

the fantastic four are one of marvel's darling old founding teams so there is pretty much... endless archival, ongoing, multimedia and games content popping up all the time.

They are also kinda one of the rare teams where the growth of the characters is consistent? The kids are allowed to grow older and events from every major run are carried/referenced by the next author so if you want to do chronological there's a lot of incentive and fun stuff.

If you wanna dip your toes into the F4 as a concept, check out:

*the #1 issue of Fantastic Four By Waid & Wieringo (1997) *Mythos: Fantastic Four (2007) [ *The FF (1994) movie that is up for free on youtube!! ] *Fantastic Four (2022) by Ryan North as the current ongoing!

(Some) Singles centered on Doom/Doomreed:

*Fantastic Four (1961) Annual 2 is Doom's original backstory issue *Marvel Two-in-One (2017) by Zdarsky issue #11 & Annual #1 are both crazy good but they spoil big events/conclusions from previous runs if u care abt that!!! (My current fav fic came from these issues.) *Doomgate (novel) by Jeffrey Lang is a good option if you want something that is mostly prose, instead of a comic or movie

NOW BEFORE YOU JUMP AHEAD WITH ANYTHING I *am* following [ this reading guide ] which breaks down specific issues relevant to their relationship as a line through all the different authors over the years.

[ There's also this 2021 guide w/ a few other story/AU highlights! The author said u can send the blog questions and theyll answer too ]

The 'Modern era' (late 90s/00s/10s/Now) Starts with Waid and McDuffie's stuff. The latter wrote My Dinner with Doom!

If you're scared by all the names, don't be - when searching for the issues, just pay attention to the year, # number & author/artist creds.

What I'm reading/liveblogging rn is Hickman's Secret wars era, generally regarded as yaoi ketamine; It's a good epic narrative entrance point if you want to jump into it, and it eventually led into this huge marvel event that changed the multiverse and even brought miles morales into the main timeline, so its BIG and it happened in multiple books - the best way to go about it is;

Pre-hickman:

Fantastic Four (1961) #551 #552 #553 ➡️ (these introduce main ideas we will touch again in secret wars)

Fantastic Four (1961) #558 to #562 ➡️

Doom appears in these too, first/last issues more heavily. Stuff here will be ref'd during the next era.

If you're having fun and want to keep reading you can! Just know that the next storyarc has gathered a largely mixed response bc..... its Millar going hammywammy....... not that necessary.......

anyway when you see hickmans name in the cover STOP and

Jump to actual Hickman secret wars era:

Fantastic Four by Jonathan Hickman: The complete collection➡️

(optional, side plot) If you like Val + Doom, read specifically; *Fantastic Four (2014) #3 & #5 + Fantastic Four Annual (2014) #1 *Agent of Asgard #6 & #7 *Avengers World (2014) #15 & #16

New Avengers (2013) ➡️ check issues on picture, or, if you're a completionist, look for 'Avengers by Jonathan Hickman; complete collection' and skim for the doom/reed relevant bits. There's a lot of characters here but this is a buildup to the big secret wars. Secret Wars (2015) ➡️ (All issues!) Infamous Iron Man (2016) ➡️bendis' doom writing is not very good but hang in there because right after him: Marvel 2-In-One (2017) ➡️ (All issues!) is a banger. Yaoi btw.

You can basically read all the future/past ones as listed, or starting from the beginning of that author's period without worrying, bc they aren't as indebted to each other storywise.

You can also start somewhere else if you want or check out other single issues on the reading guides; It's not a crime! There's a lot of stuff with different takes and genres, I'm slowly chipping away at the secret wars era bc its just very thick and like a serious television drama attempt, except its also insanely funny sometimes.

(I'm still making my way through it so that's what I have at the moment!)

#doomreed #doctor doom #reed richards #victor von doom #marvel comics #reading guide #hexposts #fantastic four #dr doom #mr fantastic #mister fantastic #marvel #meta tag #fic rec

[prismaticgray]

chapter 1 is finally released! it's less of a chapter 1 and more of a prelude but who's counting. also i released it a few days ago. but still. longform authors note under the cut!

dear lord this one's been brewing for a while. so to first elaborate on the choices i made in the writing process i have to first explain the basis of the au so bear with me here

no one can ever know is based on the 2021 kamen rider season kamen rider revice, and is a partial retelling while also being a slight rewrite? because i think if i had to write adhering to revice canon i'd actually cry. with that being said, here are the main character roles that each sekai character is fitting

ena shinonome -> sakura igarashi

akito shinonome -> ikki igarashi

toya aoyagi -> vice

kohane azusawa -> daiji igarashi

an shiraishi -> kagerou

mizuki akiyama -> aguilera

mafuyu asahina -> olteca

kanade yoisaki -> julio

tsukasa tenma -> hiromi kadota

this isn't like a hard rule it's just like severely basic. for example ena is seriously the protagonist in this story despite being in sakura's place! there are also smaller changes to the story (no legend rider forms because i don't need to sell toys, stamps are based on flowers rather than animals, name changes of the organizations, etc) but i'll be going over those as they appear if i have something to say about them.

ok the actual chapter 1 content starts here.

so i rewrote this chapter 3 times lmao. the first time because i, delusional, thought i'd be covering most of the setup with one chapter. however it turns out its a lot easier to jump into a kamen rider episode when you have a press conference explaining the premise of your series and also the help of being a visual medium. so this was a little difficult. the second was because i had a really hard time striking the right balance of what was happening in real time and kanade's inner monologue, especially when it came to how much backstory should be shown. anyway that doesn't really matter but if it still seems clunky that's why!

kanade is really not the most reliable narrator here. that's pretty clear from the fact she is absolutely definitely in a cult don't even worry about it. yet she's still actually the most recent member of the group! the timelines for the other two aren't quite nailed down yet but they're definitely both before kanade.

the name "nightcodes" comes from the period of time when niigo was mistranslated at "25-ji, nightcode de" rather than "nightcord".

i didn't actually have a select song in mind when describing the songs kanade composed but i did listen to samsa like nonstop while writing, so it's probably that lol

on the other hand i DID have outfits in mind for kanade and mafuyu. they're their "someday from the depths of despair" outfits!

kanade's hair is also specifically her wedding lim braid hairstyle.

mizuki does not have an exact match for their outfit but the idea was for it to pretty much be the same as aguilera's outfit in the show because that dress rules.

the idol's identity is purposefully left vague due to the fact that the corresponding main villain in revice, giff, was kind of a rock coffin and also dead i think. but if you were wondering yes i basically made hatsune miku the villain of my kamen rider story. don't worry about it.

in revice, the intro scene of the deadmans was some sort of party at their base? it was only on screen for a few minutes so it wasn't exactly elaborated on. i combined both this scene and the first main fight of the show by having sekai raid it. it's also explicitly a recruiting event / initiation here. also it can't be a proper fight in kamen rider without it being in a warehouse so that's where it is.

it'll be made clear in the next chapter but the three members of sekai i described are ena (the leader), tsukasa, and kohane.

ok i think that's it!! thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next one!!

#no one can ever know #authors note #a/n 1 #project sekai #kamen rider

[mxttellion]

Your recent post has made me curious about your experience. I was an onlooker/lurker to Eddsworld until late March/Early April.

Man. Where do I even begin, genuinely

guess you can call this The Not So Extensive Neb Eddsworld Lore because. I have a LOT to talk about. It's been almost a decade I've seen pretty much everything despite having joined in like. Late 2013

I discovered Eddsworld back in 2012 via Flipnote Hatena (fly high sweet angel), and I never actually actively cared about the series until September 2013, when I decided to give the series a shot after snobbing it for so long: and lol I'm obsessed

Also since I'm funny as all hell I'm gonna address to different eras of my experience with the characters I was obsessed with at the moment

This is what I call my Tom Era: I wasn't on any actual social media yet, except for Sudomemo and DeviantArt, where I had multiple rps with people and got scolded by someone's sister over roleplaying (ya that happened and it's still funny as hell)

Jump to uh. Late 2014 - 2015 when I actually join Tumblr with my main (the ogs will know <3) and that's when I actually started being active in the fanbase and produce content, this is the uh. Matt and Eduardo era? Sure why not. I made a lot of content of them and I don't like talking about this moment bc of personal trauma sorry lol <3

The sasquatch drama happened in this fragment of time, and some might even remember that I've talked about it in this blog at some point

Anyway it's the pre The End - Legacy era, the fandom was really small and everyone pretty much knew the other for better or for worse

Oh I had a Matt ask blog. Don't look for it or I'll get you and I'll bite you

I got a Flipnote I made in 2015 reblogged by Tomska and I felt like my life was complete, and a fanart liked by Kreid (poweredd animator in case u forgot)

Shit happens and now we're in 2016, the fandom explodes, i have no FUCKING idea was was going on at first but man. Man if it wasn't kind of funny to watch

Anyway it's important to also note that I uh. Don't. Really remember a lot from 2016-2017, no idea why, maybe it's just my brain going full on traumatic amnesia mode and deleting everything. But also this post is wayy too long on its own so I'll cut it short

I made that one magical au? I was an emotionally charged undiagnosed teenager so maybe being so active on the internet wasn't a great idea, I got teased by a "cringe art" account for my au who got BLASTED within an hour of existing, I made the Salty AU in 2018 with the ask blog, joined Amino which was just. The worst idea I had in that year alone, joined the official server in 2019 only to leave everything related to eddsworld behind in 2020 because holy shit what was that ... Also there's an high change that Matt has seen my au but I talked about this already.

Then came back in 2021 and the rest is history. Matt Mod, Patryck hyperfixation, yeah you know it

I cut it VERY short bc there's. A lot I don't wanna talk about (just. Personal unpleasant experiences) but man. Man if I don't sound like a mad man talking about this, like dude I've spend sooo much time in the fanbase and I've seen sooo much shit going on, it's like as if I'm talking to a therapist about this or something

#ta dah. just another long post on mxttellion dot com whats new #i really tried to be brief here honestly #rxplies #out of ew #pxrsonal #txt pxst

[avatar-of-procrastination]

I posted 231 times in 2022

That's 224 more posts than 2021!

64 posts created (28%)

167 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jakelcckley

@harrysfolklore

@inknopewetrust

@stormkobra-5

@marc-spectorr

I tagged 197 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#q💫 - 48 posts

#x reader - 47 posts

#steven grant x reader - 40 posts

#marc spector x reader - 39 posts

#moon knight - 34 posts

#moon knight fanfic - 32 posts

#marvel - 32 posts

#moonknight x reader - 28 posts

#marc spector - 28 posts

#steven grant - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and only the most experienced listeners can fully understand you. your presence is always enjoyed but you aren’t always given the praise yo

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

LATE NIGHT TALKING

@harrysfolklore posted a wonderful insta!au series of babysitter!yn. I am absolutely in love with it and decided to write a fic based on it. Please read her fic and show it some love!

Warnings: none! Its pure fluff <3

A.N: its been so long since I posted and I apologize. Life's been a bitch. It was overwhelming but I managed to write this short fic. Hope you guys enjoy it!

(English isnt my first language. Please pardon any grammatical/spelling mistakes. Gifs not mine. Divider by @firefly-graphics)

Standing in the bustling crowd, jumping to beats of "Cherry", you were sure you reached the pinnacle point of your life. Taking the job offer to babysit your cousins kid was perhaps the best thing you did. It brought you closer to your cousin and her husband, and also introduced you to one of the sweetest person on the planet. Harry freaking Styles. 

You felt your heart warm up immensely as you saw him singing his heart out. You bobbed your head to the music and let yourself free. Harry always made you comfortable. The way he looked at you, eyes filled with utmost adoration, you were sure you'd never felt so valued before.

After the last act, you pushed your way backstage and threw yourself at him, not caring for how sweaty he was.

"You were amazing, darling." You whispered as you laced your arms around his neck. He smiled down at you and nuzzled his face into the crook of you neck. He let out a content sigh, completely relaxing in your arms. The two of you stayed in each others embrace until someone coughed from behind you and whisked Harry away to the dressing room. 

You, too, hopped into your private changing room and changed into a more comfortable outfit and met Harry by the black SUV where he was talking to Sarah and Mitch. Sarah hugged you tightly and thanked you profusely for being there for her and her son. Mitch joined in on the hug and made sure to let you know just how much they appreciated you.

You smiled shyly and waved off their compliments. Harry looked at you lovingly and snuck an arm around your waist. Sarah smirked at Harry and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Well, we don't wanna keep the two lovebirds waiting!" She squealed before walking off with Mitch. 

You leaned further into Harry and rested your head on his shoulder. He hummed at the action and guided you into the car that awaited you. 

Once inside, Harry turned om the car and started driving. 

"You know, I've been working on a few songs." He looked at you sideways.

"Mhm!" You replied. You had seen him scribble away words on random peices of papers constantly. 

"Well, a few are dedicated to you. And I was wondering if you would want to listen to a rough draft of one?" He asked hopefully.

"Oh my!" Was all you could muster out. Dating the superlovable-dork of a Rockstar was one thing. But him writing songs about you? You were pretty sure your internal system had shut down.

"Love? Are you alright?" Harry asked, worried.

"No!! Um.. I mean, I'm fine. I..." 

"Its okay. You don't have to listen to it. Its fine."

"No, Harry. I want to. I was just shocked that you'd even consider me as a muse."

"Well, we have been dating for a while and I'm pretty sure you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You complete me, love. In the best possible way."

"Oh, Harry" you exclaimed and kissed his cheek. He smiled happily and pressed play on the stereo.

"Things haven't been quite the same There's a haze on the horizon, babe It's only been a couple of days And I miss you, mm, yeah"

There wasn't any music. It was basically Harry humming the words, accompanied by the sound of ruffling of papers. You closed your eyes and let yourself melt into his voice. As the song came to an end, you looked over at him. He had stopped the car and was looking intently at you.

"We've been doin' all this late night talkin' 'Bout anythin' you want until the mornin' Now you're in my life I can't get you off my mind"

You were awestruck. A million emotions flooded you and all you could do was cry happy tears. Harry hugged you tightly.

"I love it so much. Its... overwhelming."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and kissed you lovingly. You placed you hands on his cheek and deepened te kiss, coming apart to catch your breath. Harry looked into your eyes lovingly.

See the full post

391 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

#4

PROMISES

Summary: Steven and Marc open another door to the memories. Only this time, it's not theirs.

(Jake Lockley x reader)

A.N: I know very little about DID. All that i have written in this fic is through my limited knowledge of DID through the show and through some websites.

I also used google translate for the Spanish dialogues. If the grammar is incorrect, please send me a message and i'll correct it asap. I don't mean to disrespect anyone

Disclaimer: spoilers for ep5 of moonknight, maybe incorrect spanish

Gifs not mine

Marc had to hold back Steven as he ran into every door. The smooth white tiles of the psychiatric hospital was starting to make him nauseous. Steven on the other had was livid. His whole life was a lie and all he wanted to know was the truth. He felt the tears collect in his eyes as he pushed open another door and strode in, ignoring Marc's pleas.

This memory was different than the others. It was a beautiful sunny day, on the beach. Steven knew this wasn't his memory and look over at Marc who was equally as surprised.

"This is not my memory, Steven."

"Neither is it mine, mate."

Steven looked around, trying to find out something that could link a memory. Maybe he had come here on vacation?

"Oi mate, look over there!"

Marc snapped Steven out of his thoughts. He followed Marc's gaze and saw a girl running a hand through their hair. The pair walked closed to the couple and saw a man lazily humming a song, with his eyes closed as the woman stared into the horizon, massaging his scalp.

To say that they were both shocked was an understatement. Marc was confused. He only knew of Steven as an alter. But since it was clearly his body lying on the woman's lap, he wasn't sure anymore.

"Esto es agradable" (this is nice), the woman said. Steven had never heard such a melodious voice and by the look on Marc's face neither had he. Marc was growing more confused by the second. He didn't know Spanish and had never seen you before either. But he felt a familiarity with the woman. He felt safe.

"Hmm." The man hummed, enjoying the feeling of her hands on his head. He opened his eyes and looked at her. Steven knew that look. It was one of pure love and adoration. He had seen Marc wear the same look for Layla.

"Ojalá pudiéramos quedarnos aquí para siempre." (I wish we could stay here forever) She whispered, looking down at him. He placed his palm on her cheek and she leaned into his warm touch. He picked himself off the the sand and sat next to her. 

"Oh cariño. I'm so sorry. You know that's not possible." She knew the truth about him and sighed sadly. Steven wondered why he couldn't stay longer. Who in their right mind would leave such a pretty woman?

"I can't promise you forever, my estrellita (star), but i can promise you tonight." He smashed his lips onto hers as they fell into the sand. He let his hands travel up her skirt and she let her fingers entangle in his hair. She had never felt so alive and grinned wildly at him when they broke apart for air. 

"You better fulfill your promise before you go then."

459 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#3

MERCENARIES

Summary : after many years, you finally come to terms with marcs death, only to find find a familiar face on the streets

Pairings : Marc Spector x mercenary!Reader , mentions of Steven and Khonshu

A.N + Warnings : something i wrote because i love the idea of marc and a mercenary reader. I wrote this fic with as much knowledge of DID i gathered from the show and few websites. Please lmk if i write something wrong. I will remove/change it asap. I dont mean to disrespect anyone.

Divider by @firefly-graphics <33 + gifs not mine

See the full post

572 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#2

Doctors Orders

HCs / Imagines for Dune characters (2021)

~Imagine being a healer who's caught the eye of a few of the Dune Chatacters~

AN: I tried my level best to keep this gn. So i avoided fem/male pronouns to the best of my abilites. Pls lmk if i unkowingly added some.

And as always, likes and reblogs are well appreciated <33

(Pardon my grammar. Eng is not my first lang) (gifs not mine)

☆ Paul Atreides ☆

My boi is absolutely smitten the moment he sees you.

It was a normal day in training and he had a few scrapes here and there

His mother did not let him eat dinner before checking up with Dr. Yueh. Unfortunately for him, Dr. Yueh was attending his Father, leaving you, his apprentice in charge.

Paul was visibly shocked at how graceful you looked and handled his wounds. You blushed under his gaze and dressed his wounds before letting him go.

After that encounter, Paul made it his mission to get hurt every training session, even if it was the slightest of bruises.

And everytime he came into the infirmary, you'd end up falling in love with the raven haired duke just a bit more.

You found his visits endearing but also stupid. He was literally hurting himself to see you.

So the next time he came in for something silly, you didnt talk to him like you normally did. You simply prescribed some medicines on a piece of paper and walked away.

He was a bit hurt to see you ignore him. He was worried he overstepped boundaries the last time he came in.

When he opned the piece of paper, however, his face broke into a grin.

Meet me in the gardens. Doctors orders.

——————

☆ Duncan Idaho ☆

See the full post

580 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hcs for the moonboys reacting to your baby bump? 🥺 the idea of dad!marc/steven/jake just melts my hearttt

YES ANON!! The moonboys would make amazing fathers. Can you imagine just how soft they'd be??

Also, The boys have collectively decided to call their child a star.

Warnings : None!! Just fluffy fluff <3

Credits to @firefly-graphics for the divider! Gifs used not mine

See the full post

695 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Tysm all you guys for the love and support #Heres to a better year

[neo-shitty]

— content creator year in review.

note. i haven’t seen this tag game circulating for this year yet so i might as well kick-start it. it’s one of the tag games i actually enjoyed doing : ] tagging. @lixesque @chogiwow @rrxnjun @sulfurcosmos @straykats @petrichor-han and everyone else who wants to do this :3

First creation and most recent creation of 2022: i do distinctly remember that, amidst my big wips leftover from 2021, try hard (skz, jisung) was the first fic i wrote and finished on 2022. i haven’t been keeping an accurate track of when i created which fics so i’m going by when i posted them. latest was knuckle-deep (skz, hyunjin)

One of your favourite creations from 2022: SLOW DANCING IN A BURNING ROOM (nct, haechan) !!!! oh i enjoyed writing this i was immersed for DAYS. and i’m so happy that it turned out the way i wanted it too and i didn’t end up hating the track i used as inspiration w/c usually happens with fics i work on for days straight.

One creation you’re really proud of: must i really pick one 😢 hmm, meet me where the flowers are (skz, hyunjin) bc i managed to shape this story into something that’s relevant outside of its fictional guise.

A creation that took you forever: no longer human (nct, jaemin) was the last big project i worked on HAHA and seeing as it took me until the next year to finish just shows how long it was in the works 😂

A creation from 2022 that received the most notes: oh my god. do i wanna know (nct, jeno). this fic was initially written for another idol and that simple switch when i reposted this multiplied my note count 10x. unbelievable.

A creation you think deserved more notes: *cracks knuckles* there are actually a lot this year! i don’t mean to expect receiving more but i just hoped that they would :( but in the end, i liked them so to hell with what other ppl think <3 — here comes the sun (ateez, san), ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark), safety pin (skz, changbin), chevron signs (skz, felix), the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin)

A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: no new fandoms for me this year :( i actually stopped writing for others.

A creation you made that breaks your heart: out of everything i’ve written there were two hard-hitters because they were cut from my own skin <3 really was in my tortured artist era this year, there were no works unless i was suffering <3 the lonely hearts club (skz, seungmin) bc i cried thinking of the concept of this story and chevron signs (skz, felix) bc that’s just about the limit of how i’m able to express how my over-independence might kill me someday.

A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: ahhhhh, can’t i just say i like you (nct, haechan). i wrote this in one sitting feeling all fuzzy over the song i used as inspo for this :(

A creation that was inspired by another one: ten feet deep still sinking (nct, mark) !! inspired from stephen sanchez’ the pool w/c i will never tire of !! oh and of course, rick riordan’s pjo series bc this mark’s character is literally percy. this would pass as percy fanfiction actually!

A favourite creation created by someone else: your memory, my love by @chogiwow i’m yet to reread it i know but my mind wanders to it so much :(( esp after i watched eeaao :((

Some of your favourite content creators from this year: @rrxnjun​ @chogiwow @tyonfs @lixesque @inktae @luvdsc @jungkxook @petrichor-han @neonun-au i haven’t read much this year but i’m glad i stumbled upon your works 💗

[agentmika]

hellooooooo can I (Kepler Enjoyer since time immemorial) ask about the Kepler Lives AU. thanks mwah

hiiiiiiiiiiiii :)

this is more than a few days late ik but i'm currently at a summer camp job where i am very busy!!! Hope this lil ramble is worth the wait! So, where to start 🤔 My Kepler Lives AU is something I’m currently tending on the back burner of my mind, but the seed was planted during my finale liveblog in June 2021 when I finished Wolf 359 all the way through for the first time! I did not see Kepler’s mini redemption arc reveal coming AT ALL and it FLIPPED A SWITCH in my brain. I already thought he was fun and an interesting character, but this long con was like catnip to me. Insert all the things Tumblr folks tend to say about their blorbos here. I needed him to have to live with the consequences of his actions. I needed him to have to define himself without Goddard. To define himself and his relationship with Jacobi without Goddard (and reconciling everything with Maxwell).  And with this, I can’t recall now exactly which came next, but I know the first major step was conceptualizing how Kepler could still be alive. Thankfully, the handwavey sci-fi of the Dear Listeners provided an answer. I know I’m not the first to invent the wheel that is alien clone Kepler, but I was hit with writing inspiration for a spin on Lovelace’s Change of Mind episode, but make it post-canon Kepler coming back. This idea became Special Episode: Performance of a Lifetime. Idk if you’ve read it since Kepler enjoyer already, but I used the fic to really find my interpretation of Kepler’s flavor of repression and play around with some cute SI-5 interactions while also laying a foundation for what Kepler Lives AU could be. If/when I get to writing this, I see this as being its prequel.  Beyond that, I have a massive outline document of my various SI-5/Kepcobi story ideas and lots of snippets and scenes jotted down as I had inspiration. I have a few broad start to finish outlines, but I’ve never done longfic before, so my thought process is that if I’m going to do this, I’m going to write a full first draft and then begin posting as I revise it. I have a Pinterest board, a Spotify playlist, plenty of memes, and lots of conversations with @wurmzirkus behind this idea. I imagine I’d write it as alternating Jacobi and Kepler perspectives and might have some alternate character POVs (such as Lovelace or Hera) as extra content.  Additionally, I see the fic including a brief time skip but being almost immediately post-canon. Shady Goddard subplot. Jacobi and Lovelace friendship and Lovelace and Kepler unlikely friendship that pokes at some interesting reflection on what the SI-5 dynamic was with Maxwell and where they all are now. Maxwell haunts the narrative. Jacobi takes Kepler in. Kepler adopts a street-cat, teaches a local kid chess (understatement of the year, believe me when I say little Miss Lydia is one of my FAVORITE OCs I have ever created), and is beloved by all the farmer’s market ladies and a local knitting circle. Hera has freedom via the internet, but still connects with all crew via an Amazon Alexa type set-up.  Additional fun to set the vibe: Stream the song Magnolia - Gang of Youths for Jacobi mindset upon returning to Earth imo and unironically Love Lockdown - Kanye West for part of my Kepcobi POV.  Gotta go! Follow-up questions welcome <3 

#that chick answers asks #Kepler lives au #dansnotavampire

[starlightaxolotl]

I posted 5,955 times in 2022

That's 3,077 more posts than 2021!

371 posts created (6%)

5,584 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cloudyy-skyys

@fabro-de-omres

@emberprince

@todorokitops

@fanficmemes

I tagged 1,007 of my posts in 2022

#writing process - 31 posts

#starlight streams - 20 posts

#ask game - 19 posts

#fnaf - 14 posts

#fnaf security breach - 12 posts

#michael afton - 12 posts

#ninjago - 11 posts

#writing - 9 posts

#fnaf sb - 9 posts

#spoilers - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i could outline it with a very neat little ending or i can leave it open for additional content but that’s for later 2022 me to figure out

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

AU where every season of ninjago after 10 is the same except Kai is just a cardboard cut out

13 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

#4

Write paragraphs, you'll know when it's time to change them the same way you know when to stop adding seasoning to your food. Listen to your heart, find what fits your story's flow the best.

13 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#3

I’m always thinking abt this image

15 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#2

Things I don’t see the security breach fans talk about probably because I don’t know if you can notice this without cheats but the fact that when Moon is crawling after you in the play structures their legs are backwards. Their upper torso is turned around and they are crawling on their hands normally but their legs are crab walking them around.

17 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

💘🔁😊!!

a grave mistake??? do tell!!!!!! >:)

You know exactly what cursed mistake almost happened. >:( Tumblr is trying to see me fail.

💘:A fic you couldn’t stop reading once you started

Encore! This fic reached through my screen, gripped my shirt and forced me to keep reading and the only break I took was to sob for 30 minutes over exactly 14 words. I didn't want to go to bed that night and literally read it until my eyes burned and everything was blurry. I should reread this fic and comment on every chapter, just to see what I notice on a second read through.

🔁: A fic you’ve re-read several times

First one that comes to mind is Meet Again, it is just so easy to get lost inside this fic and it always hits the emotional spot. And the writing is amazing. I think about the fact that I read it, looked at the word count and said out loud "what the fuck that felt so short" when it is, in fact, not short at all. It was so well crafted and never dragged at all.

😊: A fic that made you smile on a bad day

Okay there are so many I can think of to put in this spot.

Laughing At Tragedy is such a good one oh my god. I probably shouldn't smile reading this fic because holy hell is it not a fluffy fic at all but its the way that the soft moments are interspersed in the plot that makes it such a comfort fic. This fic is my literary chicken and rice soup on a cold winters day. @inkspottie has crafted such a good fic and I literally could go on for hours about this fic. I am emotionally attached to their Michael.

My Darling Little Prince is another fic. Quite literally came out on a day I needed some comfort and it has been so nice to read. I don't read a lot of RWBY fanfics but this one has a very special place in my bookmarks now.

Last one I swear but Sunspot! was an impulse read and I'm so glad I read it. I think it's just really sweet and fun.

39 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #cackling at the fact my post to torment Sky made it into this.

[crackinglamb]

Fic Author Self Rec

Tagged by @dreadfutures, thank you! 💕💕💕

Tagging @ir0n-angel, @fasterpuddytat, @pikapeppa, @sinsbymanka and @sorrelchestnut. No pressure, as ever.

When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.

I've written a lot, you know, over several fandoms. This was incredibly hard. In the end, I determined my own favorites are the ones I have reread over and over. And even then I'm gonna cheat with some honorable mentions at the end.

In chronological order:

1 - Unexpected (FO4, F!SoSu/Kellogg, rated E, 30K words, 'ware the tags). Listen, sometimes you just need to be the change you want to see in the world. Kellogg's arc disappointed me on many levels. From the standpoint of him being a 'villain' to the possibly haunting everyone's favorite synth bait. This was my first truly canon divergent AU, and I never meant for it to become a full fic, I honestly didn't. But I ended up falling in love with the concept I'd created, so I had to see it through to the end. I have a weakness for the broken ones. Tien Xu remains the OC with the darkest backstory. Seriously, pay attention to the tags if you read it.

2 - Accidental Synchronicity (ME, Jack|Subject Zero/Thane Krios, rated E, 17K words). Ahh, rarepairs. Completely unplanned ones, at that. To date I am still 22% of the ship's authors. A one off line in the main fic of my Shakarian series became a plot bunny that wouldn't quit. It grew into a slice of life romance that covered the events of ME2 and ME3, leading to canon's hamfisted ending for Thane. The only reason I didn't change it is because it was already established elsewhere. Still, it remains one of the fics I am most proud of.

3 - Hope Is a Fragile Thing (DA:I, Solas/OFC, rated T, 13K words). In a lot of ways this fic was an experiment. I love to write MCIT's, but it's hard to come up with a backstory sometimes, so I didn't make one. I wanted to write something post-canon, a favorite trope of mine. And I wanted to completely finish a fic before posting it. Many, many of you have found me because of Twist, which is light and relatively fluffy, to say nothing of its sequel that is pure, unadulterated sugar. But angst with a happy ending is my bread and butter.

4 - Of Ruins and Restoration (DA:I, Cadash & Solas, rated G, 3870 words). If you asked me where Lark Cadash came from, I would immediately blame Manka (with all the love, of course), because without her whole entire throng of Soladash works, I wouldn't have fallen down this rabbit hole. Suffice to say, I got hooked. And then I got Ideas(tm). OR&R is the culmination of many headcannons about dwarves, the desire to have more content for a ship I didn't know I needed and the feverish grip of the Muse that sprang out of my head wholecloth at the end of 2021. It is the introductory work for this character I've absolutely gone to pieces with love for. Eventually there will be more of it, but for now it stands alone as a oneshot. There is a companion oneshot that falls outside of her 'canon', as well.

5 - What a Wicked Game to Play (DA:I, Solas/OFC, rated E, 278K+ words, current WIP). 😏 Did you really think this wasn't going to make the list? WG is everything I have ever wanted to put into a fic, and Imogen is the character I have always wanted to write. Aside from being the new shiny (because it really isn't at this point), I have enjoyed almost every moment of digging into the lore and rebuilding it from the ground up. I have so many plans and so much left to tell for my curly haired girl.

Honorable Mentions (in no particular order):

Junkyard Dogs (FO4, F!SoSu/Hancock, rated E, 107K words) my very first fic.

No More My Heart Beats Without You (DA:I, Solas/F!Trevelyan, rated E, 5555 words), sad, angsty pwp. 'Ware the tags.

Unrepentant (DA:I, Solas/F!Lavellan, rated E, 3096 words), smutty dark!Solas Fade shenanigans.

And Maker Damned Fools (DA2-I, Varric/F!Hawke, rated E, 16K words), my vector into writing DA. I will go down with this ship.

#tagged #fic author self rec #dragon age #fallout 4 #mass effect #Lamb writes #...a LOT

[prophecydungeon]

year in fic: 2022

cross-post from dreamwidth.

word count for posted works: 19,092 words word count for unposted works (incl. wip): 21,457 words total word count: 40,549 words

pretty writing-light year for me, not entirely sure why; so it goes, though, i guess. i wrote a lot in both 2020 and 2021 so i suppose it's natural to have a bit of a fallow year. and what a way to end the year too — S11 au sequel cooking in the oven. i may never actually be free of that goddamn show.

works posted to AO3 in 2022:

steam, fill shape, share haikyuu!!, 1,806 words, rated G — posted 2/27/22

this was a castoff from plate tectonics that had enough chutzpah to stand on its own. this (and plate tectonics, too) was really kind of a meditation on loneliness.

plate tectonics haikyuu!!, 14,631 words, rated T — posted 4/30/22

this fic fought me every god damn inch of the way. when i was tallying up my unposted word count, i found 3,121 words in my deleted fragments doc from this fic. i'm happy with how it turned out!

ontologies bleach, grimmjow/ichigo, ichigo & kon, rated G — posted 11/5/22

TYBW's release pulled this one out of me. the TYBW anime has been absolutely incredible so far and i can't wait to lose my whole ass when our beloved Catte makes his dramatic re-entrance.

---

i realized as i was writing out the list of published works that i published two G-rated fics this year (one of which was genfic), which feels so unusual. my stuff generally hovers around teen. oh well! i also didn't write any destiny fic this year for the first time since 2018, i think. that feels strange. but this year has been tumultuous, i haven't spent a lot of time playing the game, and there's been some lore i feel :| about too. so it goes.

in any case, the usual meme!

1) What’s your personal favourite thing you wrote this year?

ooh, this is a difficult one. i feel like i generally tend to be most excited about the newest thing i've worked on, and right now that's what i'm feeling — writing in the S11 AU version of chorus just feels like coming home at this point.

wait, no, i have a better answer: this one goes to a fic that i wrote with the intention of not posting it. it's unfinished and will remain unfinished. it veers wildly around everywhere. it was very, very fun and satisfying to write.

2) What’s your least favourite thing you wrote this year?

hmm. i don't know. i started and stopped a few things around summertime when i felt the "oh god i should be writing" feeling and they all felt... not good. so i guess that, as a category, is my least favorite thing.

3) Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

aforementioned "i plan on not posting this" fic was pretty different, both in the plan to not post it and the contents of it. it's a pretty silly and superficial fic; i'm not really Saying Anything with it. that's fine. that's why i liked it a lot.

4) Which of your fics this year was most successful?

i think this has to go to the Not Posted fic again. it got me writing when i'd been in a long drought for a few months.

5) Which of your fics do you wish was more successful?

this is sidestepping the question slightly, but i wish that plate tectonics hadn't fought me so hard. when i was tallying up my word count, i scrolled through the doc where i'd shoved all my cut fragments and there was some really good stuff in there. i wish i'd been able to incorporate that all successfully.

6) What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year? 7) What’s your favourite piece of description or narration?

combining these two answers because it's the same snippet for both this year:

“You’re not him,” Grimmjow repeats, his voice pitched lower as he crowds close. Kon knew, in some part of his mind, that this might happen somehow; he’s seen Grimmjow and Nel at the Kurosakis’ front door, unmasked and boxed in by their fake bodies, but the possibility stumbling into one of them on the street like one of Ichigo’s old high school classmates had only ever existed as something distant and vague. Kon inhales a pinched breath and feels his vision waver as he stares up. Ichigo isn’t short; maybe Kon is just too used to viewing the world from a height of about six inches, maybe he’s just shrinking back into the hedge like a bird before a fox, maybe Grimmjow is just too tall and too strong and— “You’re not alive.”

Fury erupts in Kon’s borrowed chest. He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive because of Ichigo. And he knows for a fact that the same is true for the being that stands before him.

“I’m more alive than you,” Kon spits back, and shoves uselessly at the fist holding him in place. Grimmjow’s arm is like iron.

8) Which fic this year was most fun to write?

i am having a BLAST working on this sequel to S11 AU (or maybe this is finally the year that i start calling the fic by its title). it feels like coming home in so many ways: not just because this fandom has been part of me for so long and refuses to let me let go, but also because i get to sink back into halo at the same time. hey, maybe this'll get me to finally play infinite.

9) If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

this is much more vague and much less actionable than the way i've answered this in the past, but i wish that plate tectonics hadn't been so difficult for me to write. i wish i could snap my fingers and change the amount of energy it sucked out of me.

10) What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

this question is getting harder to answer. there's a particular structure i want to try for S11 AU sequel and wrangling that has made for an interesting week of planning, so maybe once i finish this project i'll try being more intentional with structure for the next one, too.

---

as i was getting this crosspost into shape for tungle, it occurred to me that i do, actually, want to document just how it is that i got myself into this S11 AU (i need to stop doing this) P vs NP hole again in the first place because it's both kinda funny and also a pretty interesting reflection of where S1- P VERSUS NP has been over the years.

on christmas eve i watched glass onion. loved it! super fun movie. this immediately made me want to watch knives out again, but it's not on netflix and i don't subscribe to anything else. in lieu of this, i decided to watch casino royale on christmas day because the only bond i'd ever watched up till that point was, well, skyfall. at this moment, several things happened all at once: i got the urge to draw some wash/maine art to cap off the year, i was looking up which of the other daniel craig bondses came in which order, and i was thinking, of course, about skyfall and how much i liked it. powder keg meets spark.

the funny part is that i got hit with the urge to write more S11 auFUCKING P VS NP like i'd been brained by a 2x4, but it wasn't till i was an hour into half-watching casino royale that i realized this whole urge (and the whole crux of the plo, too) was specifically because skyfall was a massive source of drive and inspiration for S11 oh my fucking god. P vs NP. i am not doing this on purpose. and i mean, obviously, right? P vs NP's epigraph is specifically from skyfall. it's there because of skyfall.

skyfall and P vs NP are not, actually, very similar. there are a handful of threads that are sort of similar, but they're really not one-to-one reflective of each other. i guess that's what makes a good source of inspiration? i went back through some old stuff to see if i ever Poasted about why and how skyfall inspired me so deeply and there wasn't really... anything specific. it was just a movie that i saw at the right time to amplify my urge to write this fic.

that being said, i did watch skyfall in my little danny boy marathon, this time while trying to figure out what it was that hit me so hard, and there were some fun similarities:

moneypenny "kills" bond; bond comes back; moneypenny helps bond

bond's re-entry into service; wash in season 8

bond: everybody needs a hobby. silva: so what's yours? bond: resurrection.

"look upon your work, mother"; silva and bond as same-but-opposite, not quite reflecting wash and maine (in P vs NP or in canon) but there are some threads there

...huh, okay, maybe there was a bit more there than i thought. anyways, now i'm here. again. i am hoping this sequel contains itself to like, 20k words. i am not optimistic about this. we will see.

here's to 2023!

#fic talk #ficposting #year in review 2022

[ncteez]

I posted 2,222 times in 2022

That's 2,082 more posts than 2021!

1,342 posts created (60%)

880 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ncteez

@mrkis

@neonun-au

removed bc i blocked them lmao

removed  :D

I tagged 2,161 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#[mail] - 832 posts

#anon - 404 posts

#[hon talks] - 325 posts

#[m] - 276 posts

#[h.hours] - 205 posts

#[feedback] - 160 posts

#.ml - 152 posts

#[fic rec] - 55 posts

#[mark] - 47 posts

#icymi - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#ley if ur reading this imma be messaging u later—- i know we are both dead rn and didn’t wanna force conversation on either of us rn 🥲

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

On Edge. (m.l)

Dating the strict, well-liked, and loving Doyoung came with its hurdles. Normally, the two of you could communicate and work through the downsides, but what if the newest downside of the relationship is learning that his little brother, Mark, has a bit of a thing for you?

ao3 | m.list | minors dni !! | if you read it, reblog it. 

WORDCOUNT― 22.5k

PAIRING― mark lee x fem reader | doyoung  x fem reader

CONTENT― doyoung is 27, reader is 25, mark is 22. boyfriend doyoung, perverted/shy college boy mark, panty stealing, hidden intimacy, needy mark, dom-ish doyoung in smaller/less detailed smut scenes, reader is definitely a switch depending on who she is looking at, uh, brief mention of haechan raging at mark through a headset while he gets pleasured lmao

WARNINGS― infidelity that doesn’t get exposed, foot job but only bc i can’t figure out how to write a scene like this if it’s not her foot lmao

NOTE― not me back at it again with the cheating fics. Idk, i have a thing for mark cucking but also hidden things, and the idea of having both of them :D no, i do not condone cheating..  shoutout to my wife and other ultimate mark fucker @mrkis​ for discussing and brainstorming this shit with me, also for editing it and fixing all of my embarrassing typos.

See the full post

1,396 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#4

Follow Through.

ao3 | m.list 

minors dni, otherwise please like, reblog, and leave feedback, it's important that you support the writers you like when tumblr shits on us. 

wordcount  → 23.5k

pairing→ mark lee x female reader (ft. lee donghyuck)

description → Mark managed to keep his best friend status with you even after you moved away. With a friendship strictly through imessage, facetime, and social media, it was surprisingly easy to keep him in your life. Even when things suddenly became sexual. By the time you move back home, you learn that the both of you talk big game through text, but nearly forgot how to communicate face to face.

Enter Lee Donghyuck, an old friend turned fuck-buddy. He is, unfortunately, also Mark’s best friend. But to be fair, he didn’t know what he was getting into when he suggested the two of you enter into the agreement of no-strings-attached. Kind of hard to have no strings when Mark is tying them all over the place. 

content → phone sex (kind of), sexting(kind of), frustrating communications, semi-red flag mark, pining, best friends to established relationship, mark big jealous, hyuck big idiot and kind of a bad friend to mark, y/n big confused about everything, smut, unprotected sex, angst if you’re a lil bitch.

note → I know this fic came out of left field, im not sorry about it even though im supposed to be working on other things. Once again this isn’t proof read so if you see any typos don’t tell me, I’ll cry.

See the full post

1,893 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

#3

Third Wheel ​​

What’s the point in being a third wheel if he doesn’t get to watch anyway?

or the one where haechan lets mark watch him get his dick wet.

– read part two here!

ao3 | m.list | minors dni | if you read it, reblog it. 

WORDCOUNT ― 7.4k

PAIRING ― haechan x afab reader | mark lee x afab reader

CONTENT ― exhibitionist haechan, voyeur mark lee, dangerous driving (do not do this), jealousy, mentions of cleaning up clumped cum in a gas station bathroom lmao

NOTE ― this was solely for myself but im dragging yall with me. I just really needed this ok?

See the full post

1,897 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

#2

Wanna know what it’s like (l.j)

m.list | ao3 | minors dni! otherwise please like and reblog my works!! 

requested by anonymous: “i keep thinking about that one doja cat vid where she said she likes big noses because she can sit on them,,,Could i request smth similar to this? With Jeno and reader?”

wordcount― 5.7k

pairing― jeno x fem reader 

description― after several weeks of casual hook-ups with Jeno, a man you’d met at some back-alley party, he playfully asks you what your favorite thing about him is. Your answer leads to an interesting change of events, one where he can’t find himself growing tired of having his head between your legs. 

Or the one where Jeno learns just how much he enjoys being unable to breathe.

content― alt!jeno, a smidge of fluff just to get to the special question, you’re both in dom mode but like, in a really desperate way, nose kink???, mentions of weed and alcohol

note― y’all like big noses? looks like you’re in the right place bc anon here got me fucked up on this idea. also, you guys should know by now that im never gonna proofread any of my works. 

See the full post

2,516 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Pretty Boy. (m.l)

Mark’s favorite thing to do is sit alone at the library and enjoy the knowledge that his university offers. In contrast, your favorite thing to do is go to parties and enjoy as much chaos as possible. However, upon realizing your grades have dropped drastically due to this lifestyle, you have no choice but to approach Mark for help. 

or the one where your new favorite thing to do is seduce the most inexperienced man you’ve ever met and watch how desperate he gets for you. 

ao3 | m.list | minors dni! | if you read it, reblog it. 

wordcount― 9.3k

pairing― mark lee x fem reader

content― shy and needy mark, openminded and playful reader, college au, the majority of this is smut, mark has a thing for girls who look exhausted from studying

note― just wanted…no, needed, to write mark being totally hypnotized by someone wanting him between their legs for once.This is not proofread as i’ve given up on using a beta. 

See the full post

3,405 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #INCH RESTING

[odd-kid-42]

Hey are you posting your alt world fic? And if so can I have the link? I’d love to read it

Hi, I am assuming this is from me tagging with “alt world fic tag” and not because I haven’t updated a chapter of the fanfic since November because the current in-progress chapter is kicking my butt and I am busy with grad life. When I am able to devote proper weekends to it, "Alternate World" updates every 2/3 weeks and I have been working on it since August 2021. All of that to say, it is very long at ~157,000 words and of course you can have a link! I’m flattered that you asked. I should maybe link it in my header or pin a post or something, huh?

If you want to read without knowing the source material’s season 1 spoilers, I put them under the readmore. You also are welcome to anon ask here, tell me to turn on my DMs for you, or comment in the story itself for more information if something is confusing. The fic deals with past child abuse, eldritch horror, parenting, and psychological horror with the acknowledgment that love will save us in the end. I try to give appropriate CWs in chpt headers of the fic.

Some overview if you aren’t familiar with Dungeons and Daddies, which this is an AU of: 1) Four dads have their kids kidnapped after being pulled into a D&D setting by a mysterious hooded figure, who taunts them individually for being bad fathers. They finally confront the hooded figures who are revealed to be three of their own fathers with the fourth missing. The men were neglectful/abusive throughout the men’s childhoods in various ways and now wish to exploit fantasy “daddy magic” as the alleged most powerful magic. Obviously the abusive fathers assume one does this by forcing kids to depend on a father entirely. 2) The men successfully rescue their kids but have to confront their own fathers to get back to Earth in the portal they had entered from. 3) One bad dad reveals to his son that ‘lol you have an eldritch god living inside you and your sons. Can’t you see I’m the only one who can harness Its power before your 11 year olds kill everyone?’ So that is where the reblogs about holes and space are coming from— eldritch horror plays a role.

Personal opinion: It’s a good podcast until ep 48 when the writers decided to kill a child and then kill another child later, and season 2 is keeping that pattern up. The cast is infamously bad at giving content warnings, so if you want a doesthedogdie style breakdown for what has caused triggers in the past, I am more than happy to give it for s1.

I loved the story up until the point when I didn’t, so writing a long thing that I am putting a lot of effort and thought into is cathartic in a nice way if the writers refuse to pay off for the pain characters are put through.

Conversely, if you like s1 and s2 of the podcast I hope you have/are having fun. I just personally stopped being able to, hence the long fic.

#alt world fic tag #genuinely hope it lives up to my reblogs of inspiration #feel free to chat I enjoy talking to people #thank you for asking

[pkducklett]

I posted 9,854 times in 2022

That's 1,745 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (0%)

9,841 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@abluescarfonwaston

@featheredcritter

@digitalstowaway

@dilf-phoenix-rights

I tagged 8,086 of my posts in 2022

Only 18% of my posts had no tags

#ace attorney - 3,755 posts

#vid - 1,127 posts

#birbs - 976 posts

#tf2 - 725 posts

#nintendo - 403 posts

#great ace attorney - 321 posts

#all aboard the feels train - 309 posts

#ref - 292 posts

#dnd - 209 posts

#christmas - 197 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#musicals... my parents have a lot of embarrassing anecdotes about me singing along to musicals when i was like 3 and didn't understand them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

No scary April Fool's joke. Only Gracie sleeping in her chair.

1 note - Posted April 1, 2022

#4

How are we feeling this Sunday morning? Needing some Gracie content? Well she woke up and decided to "play" with her mom's backpack strap.

2 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

#3

My discord friends and I were discussing whether Nahyuta Sahdmadhi could be considered a girlboss. 

One of them made a meme out of my response:

Image IDs under read more:

Image ID 1: A picture of Nahyuta Sahdmadhi from Ace Attorney 6 (Aka Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice). The caption is: “Gender is dead and I’m prosecuting its murderer.”

Image ID 2: A screenshot of a discord post dated 03/02/2022 and says: “Also idk why this didn't occur to me until now. Sahdmadhi is male. At least, that's the pronouns used for him. It's still valid to call him a girl boss cause gender is dead and he's the prosecution on that murder case, but still.”

End IDs

4 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#2

Tonight I just want to share pictures of Misha. He has grown into quite the character of a cat.

He is quite cuddly.

See the full post

5 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So @collabwithmyself‘s Ace Attorney Warriors au has activated the “must draw cats” sleeper agent in my brain. (Idk how many of you have followed my online trail, but there are almost 10 years worth of old art on places like DeviantArt where I drew nothing but cats that entire time). So, I decided to have a go at drawing some of the cats listed in the allegiance, but weren’t actually drawn yet so they didn’t have designs. 

Here we have the current nursery population of Stoneclan (defense attorneys). Overall pretty happy with how this picture turned out and how the designs look. I have a better design idea for Morningkit (Klavier), that would make him look more like his brother, but this picture was done before I got that so it’s fine for now. Also I know I said I wanted to do cats without designs but Moonkit (Athena) did have one already and I wasn’t going to change it. I hope I did her well. It wasn’t easy picking out oranges that matched from my collection of colored pencils. 

Some character ideas/notes under read more if you’re interested, also the full page pic of my sketchbook I took: (Disclaimer before going in though - this isn’t my au. These are just my own ideas about theoretically what could happen. Without confirmation/a full story from the creator, these are not to be treated as though they will happen.)

Overall: Moonkit and Morningkit were the only two born into the clans. Skykit and Sunkit came later, after they were already a few moons old. By the beginning of the story, the kits are pretty close to becoming apprentices, which is a good thing because Moondance is the sole queen in the nursery and is ready to return to her normal medicine cat duties full-time again. Morningkit is undoubtedly the leader of this troop of kits, or at least he’s the more confident of the bunch. Sunkit is certainly the loudest, but also the one least likely to get caught up in mischievous antics unless it’s to scold the group by telling them how ridiculous they’re being. Moonkit is very high energy and playful, always willing to go on an adventure. Skykit is the most passive of the group, less willing to lead a charge, but just along for the ride.

Moonkit/paw/storm (Athena): Moonkit is the daughter of the Stoneclan medicine cat. I’m thinking that after the clans stopped believing in their warrior ancestors and Starclan, that they removed some of the more “problematic” or just plain dumb parts of the warrior code such as the rules about medicine cat relationships. Moondance (Metis) probably mated with like a loner so the father of her kit is very much not in the picture. The litter with Moonkit wasn’t very big (probably with only like a second kit that was stillborn), but the time and energy of being a single mother was taking a toll on her. Thankfully, her apprentice Blackpaw (Simon) and his sister/Moondance’s friend Swiftquill (Aura) have taken quite an interest in helping her care for her daughter. Blackpaw in particular has made it a point of pride to help protect his mentor’s kit and makes sure she is being well cared for. 

Morningkit/paw/song (Klavier): So in this, Honeythroat (Kristoph) and Morningkit are biological full brothers, just from distinct litters. I’m thinking their father passed before Morningkit’s litter was born, and their mother passed after. Unlike Moonkit, Morningkit was part of a larger litter. I’m thinking that shortly after the litter was born, his mother got very sick with an upper respiratory infection and the whole family (mother and kits) was put into quarantine. Moondance wasn’t allowed to help their treatment because of her being pregnant/a new mother herself. Not that it would’ve helped much anyway, there wasn’t much anyone could do. Morningkit was the sole survivor of the infection, a miracle that he made it out okay and had no damage to his voice. He was still very young so was given to Moondance as a foster. Honeythroat took particular interest in the nursery kits after Morningkit’s recovery and has become a staple to see around the nursery, doting on his brother or dispensing wisdom to the others. I’m thinking that part of Honeythroat and Morningkit’s strained relationship has to do with how overprotective and overbearing his brother becomes. 

Skykit/paw/spot (Clay): Skykit wasn’t born in the clans, but was the child of a loner cat who lived near to the Stoneclan territory. He was found as the survivor of his litter by a Stoneclan patrol after their mother left to find them food and didn’t come back (she was likely hit by a car). He was in dire shape when he was brought back, but bounced back pretty quickly. Moondance didn’t need to take a full-time mother role for Skykit since he was already at the age where he could eat fresh kill but he still does snuggle with her and the other kits at night. 

Sunkit/paw/call (Apollo): No one knows where Sunkit came from, and he’s not willing/able to tell them. It was quite the surprise when a small kitten charged into Stoneclan camp one morning. He was old enough to eat prey, but still tiny enough that it didn’t look like his small legs should’ve carried him that far. His scent was unfamiliar to the clan cats who couldn’t recognize it more than it being from “quite far away”. He didn’t really ask, more demanded, to be allowed to stay. 

Concluding notes/ideas about story: Shortly into the beginning of the story, these four are made apprentices of Stoneclan. Moonpaw is mentored by Swiftquill, Morningpaw is mentored by Bushpelt (Raymond), Skypaw is mentored by Darkpelt (Hammond) then later (because *cough* reasons) by Whiskerstep (Grossberg), and Sunpaw is mentored by Honeythroat. Something happens (not entirely sure what), early into their training that convinces Morningpaw to leave Stoneclan and join Thornclan. The other apprentices are hurt by this, especially Sunpaw who sees this as a total betrayal. Surprisingly, his brother, Honeythroat, isn’t all too worried about his little brother leaving and in fact rationalizes it as a good thing because it will help strengthen ties between the two clans. The UR-1 incident is still a thing that happens, closely to when the three remaining Stoneclan apprentices are to become warriors. Moondance is killed by a rogue cat (the Phantom) and her daughter is the one to find her mother’s body. I’m thinking that instead of putting himself on death row for the murder of Moondance, that Blackquill instead leaves Stoneclan to hunt down the Phantom himself, leaving Stoneclan without a medicine cat. Swiftquill places a lot of her grief/hurt over Moondance’s death and her brother’s absence onto her apprentice. Moonpaw doesn’t have a good time much at all.  This is where a lot devolves into my own crack theory ideas of where the story could project and that involves Moonclan and Stoneclan joining into one clan by where the ending of Bridge to the Turnabout would be... And involves Sagepaw (Maya) being made into the first Starclan appointed clan leader in a long time so she’s Sagestar now. Goldenheart (Phoenix) is her deputy, and she has Iriscloud (Iris) fill in as medicine cat. This then leads into the case with Goldenheart trying to help a group of loner cats (the Gramayres) solve the death of their leader. Thornclan gets involved and young Morningpaw catches Goldenheart trying to use faulty evidence to defend one of them (Zak) and calls him out on it. It doesn’t help that other cats in this case begin disappearing as well. Goldenheart runs away into exile (disbarment), and Morningpaw is made into a warrior, Moningsong.  If there was to be a story picked up about these characters, I can see it beginning at the start of what would be AA4. Sunpaw is now Suncall, and as a newly made warrior he’s trying to navigate the hardships of warrior life in this newly arranged clan as he discovers dark secrets lurking behind some of the tightest corners. And a mysterious young cat who calls herself Magicpaw (Trucy) comes to him with a request: to help protect her father.  

If you made it to the bottom of this super long info-dump on an au that wasn’t even started by me... congratulations. Here’s the full sketch page pic I promised:

See the full post

46 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #ducklett speaks #wow. most of my top posts were gracie. love that. #totally not a surprise that ace attorney was my top tag

[dilfosaur]

thinking about the kamina middle child

#doodle #gurren lagann #promare #kiznaiver #kamina #galo thymos #hajime tenga #i know its 2021 but is there content for the au where these 3 are brothers

[gamma-squad]

The Ultimate Gamma Squad Fic Rec List

From Angst to Fluff to Reveals, fanfiction will make you cry :D

Adrinette

Double Blind Date -  Alya knows Ladybug and Chat Noir's identities, and now that they're finally in the same city at the same time, she is determined to get them to meet.

The Bravery of Adrien Agreste -  adrien ends up living on the streets for a while, it's extremely well written and has also adrien marrying marinette to emancipate from his father.  There's also a sequel, the Bravery of Marinette Dupain-Cheng, which the author is currently writing. 

Lovelace -  Convinced that he's unlovable, Adrien is quickly thrown for a loop when Marinette confesses her love for him out of the blue. An akumatization and reveal later, he changes his mind about being unlovable.

The Bravery of Marinette Dupain-Cheng -  After the defeat of Hawkmoth, Adrien and Marinette are strangers to each other, but somehow… married? - Sequel to The Bravery of Adrien Agreste

Soulmate Survey -  A brand new dating app hits the scene, giving you a percentage of how well you match with someone else. And it is taking the world, and certain teenagers, by storm.

Cats are Colorblind! - Reverse Crush AU - Ladynoir/Adrinette - Adrien is blind but he can... feel Marinette’s features? Which happen to be the same ones as Ladybugs (Reveal)

have the stars blotted out in a brilliant morse code - Fluffy Adrinette moments and reveal? beautiful

Strength - Crack/Fluff oneshot with a reveal

Marry That Girl -  Adrien finds Marinette’s plans for their wedding and just falls

League of Losers - Slightly Different Superhero AU with crack angst and fluff

You, Me & A Little Bit of the Future - future ladynoir asks adrinette to babysit and everythings cute

Practice Makes Purr-fect - Adrinette/Ladynoir + Reveal and kisses (all you need in life <3)

wish you were here - demon au, adrien is just really confused

The Moving Statue - AKDJSSD - Adrinette + Reveal

Operation Mega-Sleepover - Adrinette Sleepover Shenanigans

Butt Dial - Marinette butt dials Adrien and all his plans for a normal afternoon jumped out the window (Reveal)

The Wedding Plans of Marinette Dupain-Cheng - Adrien finds Marinette’s wedding guest list for their future wedding and he’s like ‘WHERE AM I?’ (boy you’re the groom)

Plagg Meets Marinette

i hope that fate will forgive us (for tempting the sea) - mermaid royalty au and arranged marriages - Felix x Bridgette and Adrinette - also the author is v nice <33

The Player and the Princess - Childhood friends turned enemies turned lovers <3

take me back- By marvelousmsmol

By Design - By marvelousmsmol (Still going!)

Graine de toi - By komorebirei (Still going? I’m not sure)

Smoulder - By midnightstarlightwrites (this is adorable and full of ships! Also, finished 36/36).

Lucky Us - By PrincessKitty1 (Sigh, it’s too cute! Finished 30/30).

Facades -   AU with dark!Adrien. Has even a short sequel (lovesquare but mainly centered around the two main ships)

 Kiss shy - By emsylcatac (This is a great one-shot!)

i don't have a latte but give me a shot - By marvelousmsmol (The one-shot, i wish was a series).

 Under Lock and Key - By EdenDaphne, Maerynn (the antics! Finish 10/10)

The Woman With Blue Eyes - By ghostgirl19 (One-shot!)

 Friends By Day, Enemies By Night - By Dristi5683 (This is 49/49, there’s also marichat and angst ladynoir)

A Bride for the Prince - by ChocoluckChipz (Totally_lucky) and TheNovelArtist

Penumbra - Adrienette hurt comfort, rated M for serious topics like implied noncon as a minor

keep me in your thoughts - adrienette soulmate au

Passionfruit- Adrienette soulmate au series with 3 parts

a chat in disneyland - pretty self explanatory, chat noir antics and slightly traumatized workers, everythings great

Finding Diamonds in the Rough -  A prince escaping the confines of his castle. A girl who saves a naive visitor. The connection built between these two of different worlds. Welcome to another Arabian night.

Out of Your Hair -  Adrien wants to support Kitty Section during their first large concert in the park, but dad says no. So of course there’s only one way this can go

Infatuation - Adrinette childhood enemies to ‘I hate you but i seriously want to kiss you’

Blindsided - Adrinette/Ladynoir - Ladybug gets hit by an akuma and goes blind but hey! Adrien/Chat Noir is literally the most amazing person ever and that helps (Reveal)

Just a Friendly Game Night -  The four teenagers arrange a game night at Marinette’s house. What could go wrong

Just Best Friends -  The sequel to ‘Just a Friendly Game Night’ where the teenagers deal with what went wrong

We’ve Got It Covered -  Marinette needs to create a concept album cover design for Jagged Stone, but when she can’t get anything, the stress builds…

Le Prix du Silence -   this is in French, by Etoile-lead-Sama, but it's so worth google translating! Especially her inverted umbrella scene where Marinette gives the umbrella back to Adrien because she wants to rid her feelings for him and in that moment he realises that he's in love with her…  *heartbreak* but it's all wonderful and her slow burn is exceptional

Shop, Bake, Eat... - Crack, mature humor and content

Having a Ball - Adrien and Marinette attend a Victorian ball without recognizing each other.

In Which Adrien Agreste Butt Dials Ladybug - Based on NY Special, what if Adrien kept the remote to the cat toy in his back pocket?

The Jacket - Marinette gives a black jacket to Adrien and he thinks she's figured him out. 

Stuck In A Bakery (With You) -  during the pandemic, Adrien gets stuck in the bakery with Marinette and family. 

MariChat:

Chat Got Your Back - Lila I don’t like you and neither does Chat

Burgundy and Blush -  Marinette needs a date for the dance, and Chat Noir is happy to help. But can the two teens in denial make it through the night without catching feelings?

The Trouble With Kissing Boys -  When an akuma handcuffs Chat Noir and Marinette together, true feelings are revealed… but only to get the cuffs off. Really

double jeu -  An injured Chat Noir leads to a frantic Marinette and frequent midnight visits neither of them had expected to get used to.

Lace or Leather - Sequel to Burgundy and Blush

Stand-In Journalist - MariChat being besties

spark - marichat dating app shenanigans

Forget-Me-Not  -  Marinette looses her memories a little bit (unfinished)

Jealousy - Onesided reveal and then it turns into a love confession and a reveal

When Duty and Desire Meet - By EdenDaphne, midnightstarlightwrites. (Still going! Its so romantic, the yellow rose hits me the most)

Selfless - By ghostgirl19 ( I wish this fic was still going but it’s not! It’s discontinued!! T~T)

The Cat, the Bell, and the Wardrobe (Malfunction) - ChocoluckChipz (Totally_lucky), Eizabet, KryallaOrchid, Maerynn, midnightstarlightwrites. (I know the embracement... It’s also a one-shot!)

The Wingman Visits - By NiuNiu. (This is completed with 16/16 and rated mature!).

I Won’t Hold You Back - THE BEST PROM FIC YOU’LL EVER READ. Adrien invites Mari to prom. In which Adrien Awkward Awkward Awkward Athanase  Agreste makes an appearance. 

A Gamer’s Pride - No miraculous but they’re video game partners and they hate each other but they like each other and HHHHHHHH

Diamonds never leave you... men do! - Marinette the cop and Chat Noir the criminal (they’re dating <3)

Kiss and Dash -  It starts of when Marinette kisses Adrien on a dare and runs off but it really spirals out of control when Chat Noir takes revenge with his own kiss and dash. Do all people kiss the same way? Adrienette/Marichat/Ladynoir/Ladrien. - I THINK I ASCENDED WHILE READING THE FIRST CHAPTER

No Longer Running From -  After an Akuma attack, Marinette runs off in order to avoid Chat Noir, but she didn’t count on him being so willing to come after her.

Chat Blanc - Chat Blanc fights with reveals and Adrien being a good person even when akumatized

Worries - Chat is very concerned for the well-being of Marinette who he has noticed, decides to run into akuma battles in a very much not safe way

Rooftop Tears and Gentle Hugs [Vent] -  Marinette goes mute for a week, and everybody is worried. It seems only a concerned Chat is the one to finally reach her.

Tendencies - (series) lots of good writing starting out as marichat and then a reveal

Just Chatting -  Chat crashes onto Marinette's balcony and continues to visit. Marinette finds herself impulsively getting closer to him, and then everything goes to shit.

Reves de Noir et Blanc - LISTEN. MARICHAT HURT/COMFORT AFTER A NIGHTMARE MAKES ME FEEL CERTAIN THINGS

Physical Touch - Chat Noir, my amazing child, is touch starved. Marinette is happy to help with some cuddles

It’s Okay to Cry - THE SUMMARY ALONE GOT ME FEELING SOME STUFF LET MARINETTE SHOW EMOTION -  Marinette feels the burden of not letting her negative emotions show, since Ladybug cannot let herself be akumatized, no matter what. A cat is there to let her vent.

heartstrings - HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - they frggin kiss and its dramatic and teenage drama and romace 

Crushed - Stuck under a collapsed building together, Chat Noir and Marinette have a heart to heart.  (Reveal)

Every Heartbeat: A Marichat May 2021 Story:  -   Reeling from a brutally difficult day, Marinette finds her life becomes amazingly complicated after impulsively inviting Chat Noir to spend the evening with her. But when the suave feline begins to weave his way into her heart, she realizes rather quickly just how conflicted her feelings for her partner truly are.

A Roll of the Dice - AVERT YOUR EYES INNOCENT CHILDREN - mature (obviously) Alya gives Marinette an adult dice set and at night time, Chat Noir dares her to use it. 

tell me something i don’t know - the infamous marichat soulmate au by the beloved carpisuns

Trading (Momentary) Burdens - UM. YOU HAD ON RIGHT?? I AM SAD??- Ladybug gets hurt mid-fight and Chat has to turn into Misterbug to save her

Miraculous Dupont -  Marinette finds herself attacked by Chat Blanc, an akuma at the orders of Hawkmoth. But before the akuma can do any damage, she's saved by Chat Noir, a superhero who is fighting the akumas. Chat Noir senses something in her and takes her to the magical school he attends, Miraculous Dupont, where Master Fu, the head teacher, agrees that she has potential to be a Miraculous holder. So Marinette is thrown into a world of hidden identities, akuma fights and mysteries and ends up by discovering that this whole world wasn't that unknown to her to start with, that the boy behind the mask, of whom she desperately falls in love, wasn't a stranger from her too, and it's all connected to two lucky charms, a seal and a mysterious magical potion she (and her friends) should never have been exposed to...

Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright -  chat noir gives the tiger miraculous to marinette. I love her concept of the tiger miraculous, so cool!

Terror on La Seine - Villains weren't supposed to help when there are others in need. But can Hawk Moth truly stand aside and do nothing? Especially when a young woman he knows personally is in danger? TW: implied trafficking

Madness Within -  If you want slowburn, feral Chat Noir and dark themes this is a great place to start and I’m super excited for what’s to come. Very highly recommend

you came to me with gold and i mended the pieces -  Adrien gets into a really ugly argument with his father, and as a result the poor boy gets a slap right across the face. In a daze, he runs away from home, transforms, and decides to seek comfort in a really close friend of his.

I’ll Be Your (Wing)Man -  When Chat Noir finds Marinette sighing over her failed love life, he decides to help her get the boy of her dreams. Nothing can go wrong here. Absolutely nothing.

The Tendencies Series -  HIGHLY RECOMMEND and will sure to keep you busy for a while

LadyNoir:

A Summer Treat - LadyNoir Icecream date in Shanghai and lovestruck adrien

TKO - LadyNoir workouts and they KISS

Doctor, Doctor, Give me The News (Your Lips Is The Only Cure I Could Use) -   Plagg’s sick, Adrien’s in love, Shit Happens™ 

 Of Yellows, Pinks and Blues - New York Special LadyNoir but with ROSES 

Long Live - LadyNoir based on the song <3

Letters of Lovers - LadyNoir writing down all their feelings on letters BUT THEN AT THE END THEY READ IT + Reveal

A Bad Dream - Ladybug tells Chat about a ‘dream’ where he was Chat Blanc (spoiler alert: it wasn’t a dream)

The Bug and Cat Show - ADKLJSASD READ THIS

You’re My Sight - Adrien is blind but with the miraculous, he can see and this is very much a wonderful thing to happen to him. One day he tells Ladybug.

United - OMFG - ladynoir established relationship (+Reveal)

a nine-year-old - i havent met anyone that hasn’t read this fic but still (im still sorry emsy, i believed you were 9 with my entire heart 😭)

Death By Ladybug - Flirty Ladybug and Flustered Chat Noir

Chat Noir’s White French Man Hitlist For Feminist Purposes - (THIS HAS A PODFIC NOW)

Liquid Luck - LadyNoir Banter + Reveal

Symphony - Adrinette/LadyNoir + Reveal (with the best ending ever omg)

 The Miraculous Tweets of @luckylady and @chatnoir - Internet Shenanigans

Problems - ladynoir fluff

Only a beat a cat can hear - Ladybug tells Chat when he finds out about her blindness that she scared about him leaving her. He’s having none of this self deprecating stuff and reassures her that he loves her a lot and nothing changes that. 

M’Lady - THEIR LAST DAYS AS SUPERHEROES :’’’’))) (Reveal)

It was just a cheek kiss! - Ladybug slowly falling for Chat and them finally getting together (my friends thought I was getting murdered when I readthis. So many screams)

Discordant Sonata - EdenDaphne (Still going!)

like poles of a magnet - By maketea (8/8! It's finished!)

From the Ashes - By MiniMinou (Finish! Btw this is angst and mature rated)

Ladybug and Chat Noir's Guide to the Rooftops of Paris - PipTheMagnificent (One-shot!)

 in the dead of night, your eyes so green - this ones by miraculouslycool so you know its good 

 Day 7: Interview - Chat Noir being cute with kids

Misunderstanding - LadyNoir Identity Shenanigans <3

Not Kitten Around, Badylug - the road to reveal, integrating parts of S4, all in mobile texts. Sweet, funny. The kind of pick-me up you need after an angsty ep.

Two Seconds -  perfect for a light morning read.

i think it’s time i told you (im a fan of your universe) - LadyNoir (AND THEY GET MARRIED)

It’s Not PDA If You’re Just Friends - They’re just friends! Friends can kiss each others shoulders and spin each other around, right?

I Guess That Makes Us Even - Chat Noir dying = REALLY SAD LADYBUG AND COMFORT - its by buggchat so you already know its simply superior

Red Strings and Markers - Soulmate AU my beloved

little kitty on the rood, wearing his lady’s boxers - Adrien in Ladybug boxers, Marinette in the pool with her pjamas, Adrien uses his one braincell and realizes some pretty shocking things (Reveal)

dont let me die alone - okay so you may get a lil sad but you know

Return to Base - LadyNoir laser tag baby, Adrienette laser tag with LadyNoir dynamic, reveal

The Ladyblog Comment Section - they like to annoy alya in the comments. and flirt. but they dont realize the last part yet

Irreplaceable -  Adrien is insecure. Marinette doesn't let anyone talk bad about her partner.

Where are you Chat Noir? -  As the final battle unfolds to their defeat, Hawkmoth and Mayura use plan b and withdraw in a 'Sentiworld', a parallel reality created with an Amok. What's worse, they drag Chat Noir with them. What's even worse, Ladybug can't say goodbye, or I love you. Guilty and desperate, what will she be ready to sacrifice to get her partner back? (Rated R for mature content)

Kitty Chat Kisses -  Give Chat more kisses please, this was so sweet and cute and sad and just...someone give Chat some hugs and kisses and tell him he did a good job

i’ll marry you - Chat Noir talks to his sleepy girlfriend about their future.

Upon the Eiffel Tower, They Reveal it All. -  Chat Noir spots Ladybug heading towards the Eiffel tower without telling him, and when he checks on her, finds out more than he thought he would.

Two Hundred and Fifty Four -  aspik angst :’)

Ladrien:

bang bang - KISSES

whose woods these are (I think I know) - FIRST OF ALL, its a cinderella au and its MAGNIFICENT - Four years after his future turns to cinders, Adrien is a servant in the house he was meant to inherit. Disowned by his father and abused by his stepmother, his days are filled with drudgery until he meets a masked huntress in the forest behind his father's chateau.As his friendship with Ladybug turns to first love, he dreams of a future spent at her side.Then, on the eve of the Princess's masquerade, he meets his guardian—and is granted a wish.

The Tell-Tale Kiss - Adrien gets discouraged when Ladybug turns down Paris’ favorite cat every time. But what if Paris’ favorite model asks her?

The Cat and His Daffodils -  I adore Hanahaki AU’s and this was one was really good and wonderfully angsty.

Post/One Sided Reveal: 

Serendipitous Fate -  With Hawkmoth growing stronger, Chat Noir and Ladybug need to practice. And get teammates. And grow stronger together. Which means learning each other’s identity, no matter the risks. Unfinished, but worth it. Also, there is some smut near the end, but the author warns the reader on the exact chapter and it is very skippable

switch it up - Adrien uses the Ladybug miraculous and everyone simps even harder

Remember That Time When... - Marinette is ready to enjoy her wedding anniversary with her wondrful husband. Except when she wakes up, she’s not going to be able to celebrate her anniversary. In fact, she’s seventeen again.

Divide By Infinity - Post-Reveal Adrinette being adorable and looking at LadyNoir moments

Bad Day - Adrien finds out Marinette’s Ladybug on the toilet and everything just does downhill from there

Get Agrekt - Post Reveal + Drunk Adrien my beloved

Under The Stars - PROPOSAL

Do You Hear That, Love? - Post-Reveal angst and babies

Side Effects of Paw-esome Merch: Model Chokes on Air - Post Reveal Marinette making my poor boy adrien consciously try not to die by wearing Chat Noir merch

Serotonin Boosts - ADRIEN LOVES HIS GIRLFRIEND OKAY?

When the Wedding Bells Toll - Post Reveal Adrinette pretend to date to get free food at a wedding (ha ha guess who fell in love againnnn)

All You Had to Do Was Stay - first of all, OOF - Marinette and Adrien reveal their identities and he panics and Marinette, three years later, sees him again for Alya’s wedding with the urge to both kiss him and punch him in the face

Adrinette April Day 23: Sunset - CUTE FLUFFY PEOPLE (its by sketchy-panda)

Forget-Me-Not - written way before oblivio but basically, oblivio

The Wall Between Us -  Lukanette, Adrigami, Alya finding out, lovesquare reveal, Adrien finding out Gabe is Hawkmoth, then theres Adrinette being in love and MarcNath walking in them making out. Its a whole vibe. Two Seconds was written in response to this :D

Mari Me - CHRISTMAS PROPOSALS AND CHILDREN ARE BEAUTIFUL OKAY?

Trolling Alya -  After Adrien and Marinette reveal their identities to each other, instead of going right into dating, they agree to just be friends and take their time. Alya is not having it.

The Biological Imperative - excellent explicit story with an interesting concept about tikki being able to freeze the power of all miraculouses in her box in case of marinette's pregnancy. Adrienette of course. 

The Closest Thing to Love - god i love a good fake dating story - post reveal Aged Up - adrien decides that the best way to gain independence from his dad was to get married. To who you ask? Of course its his lady, Marinette Dupain Cheng. Nothing could go wrong! They’re just friends after all.

Not A Ship But Hella good Stories

Papa Bear -  In which Tom is the one to figure out Adrien’s home life is putting him in danger and helps Adrien escape.

Nooroo Uses a Swear Word -  He really, really does. But he has a very good reason, so... let's hear him out, shall we? Crackfic, one-shot.

Move to Safety - Sort of a longer take on the ‘ Adrien runs away and seeks shelter with the Dupain-Chengs’. Involves the final battle and Adrien knowing Gabe is Hawkmoth. 

I Know, Kid - Plagg has a very important conversation with his holder when they return home after defeating Guiltrip.

Chat Noir is My Science Teacher - When Mattheu Magan witnesses his chemistry teacher, Adrien Dupain-Cheng, transform into his favorite superhero Chat Noir, he becomes the Monkey Miraculous holder Monkid, going on adventures and learning what it means to be a hero alongside under his new meow-ntor. (OC, Adventure, Aged-up - Yall ive only known Mattheu for like, a month BUT I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART)

Won’t Tell a Soul - Nino finds out that Marinette is Ladybug and keeps the secret. Kind of. 

Motherfucking Superheroes - Directly following the events of the season 3 finale, Alya Cesaire decides to create a groupchat with all the known Miraculous holders, which sets off an investigation into Ladybug’s identity. (Crack, Groupchat/Text fic)

My Boy - Gabriel creates a sentimonster copy of himself to free himself from unimportant matters, but he didn’t expect it to become more human than himself. (Angst, Mentions of torture)

The Malicious Pavilin - Evil gay Emilie is a whole ass mood

Never Sing At Home - Based on that ‘hey, bad news and good news. Bad news, Hawkmoth knows my identity, good news, I know his!’ prompt on tumblr

Bite off more than you can chew and you’ll choke - Lila gets exposed fics my beloved

ouef, ouch, owie - Chat and Rena plan some Aspik-related shenanigans to cover up Chat’s secret identity when Ladybug decides to have all the Miraculous heroes train together. (Crack)

What the Cat Dragged In - MCU Crossover

the last day on earth - Chat Blanc angst is top-tier

Air Miraculous - Miraculous but with Basketball and Shoes

how the strings intertwine - MDC Fic - UNFINISHED BUT AMAZING

Nine Lives - Hurt/Comfort, Adrien Centric

In Good Hands -  in which Ladybug tells Chat Noir about her new confidant and Chat chooses his own.

How Nino Waged War with Gabriel Agreste - By ChocolateXMyMouth (Still going!)

The Inappropriate Touching Talk -  this is another pure crack. Gabriel finds out that Adrien "touches inappropriately" Marinette and decides to have "the talk" (or rather have someone else have the talk with him)

Broken - Cop AU with lots of angst :D

Informant - miracuclass group chat au with identity shenanigans 

Lucky Fox Paradox - Marinette gives succeeds in giving Alya the ladybug miraculous. And regrets it. Enter, the fox miraculous.

“I have plan” - based on the ‘Ladybug joins the fight as multimous and she and rena rouge won’t let adrien leave to transform and its just crack’

Sting -  Chat Noir mysteriously vanished, and as much as Ladybug hates it, she can’t do her job alone. Which is why she decides to give Adrien to bee miraculous until her partner returns!

Accidental Dates - The four friends make a group chat to plan game nights. Some people tend to take it further

Leave for Mendeleiev -  Marinette is in Mendeleiev’s class instead of Bustier’s, meaning new friends and different relationships

Ridiculous, Utterly Ridiculous - rejected one time too many, Chat Noir ends in tears on someone's balcony. No, not Marinette's. Chloé's. And no, it doesn't end with an adrikloe (or how it's called). Chloé actually ends up being a good friend (*insert ohhhh of surprise*)

I’ll Handle This - Adrien accepts a deal with Plagg for the black kwami to resolve his problems. And Plagg succeeds. 

let’s get covered in flames and play some games with the smoke -  1920s enemies to lovers soulmates au that makes me want to jump off a building in a good way

Ruffled -  Harry Potter AU

Passionfruit -  Adrienette soulmate au series with 3 parts

Repetition -  One day adrien stumbles upon hawkmoth’s lair. In response, Gabe wipes his memory and is done with it. until it happens again, and again, and again…

Bite Me. -  Vampire!Alya one-shot. Really good world-building in this one chapter alone!

“I have a plan.” -  Really funny one-shot where Marinette’s idea of going in as Multimouse doesn’t exactly pan out how she wanted it to.

Back to Us -  After a reveal so shocking it rocks the core of Paris itself, the villain Hawk Moth is finally defeated...at a great personal cost to heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir. With the city safe, they go their separate ways, returning to the lives they were forced to put on hold since receiving their Miraculous.

Free Falling - Fantastic story with amazing and well written themes that I really just adored reading. Beautifully written and wonderful plot/story

Other Ships (outside of Love Square):

The Worst and Best Thing - GabeNath, drama and angst with a happy ending

Operation Lovebirds -  DJWifi - Alya and Nino try and get Adrien and Marinette together, and get more than they thought they would

Phase Eight - Sequel to Operaton Lovebirds -  Three years after the failure of Operation Lovebirds, Alya and Nino’s relationship is tested when Alya comes across a startling secret.

Cola Date - DJWifi -  When Alya finds herself on a date with the wrong guy she searches for unconventional help to get her out of this. Luckily, the cute waiter doesn't mind to help her out with a favor.

Soundless - Lukadrien - Luka has the Ladybug Miraculous and can pretty much tell who’s Chat Noir

Hotdogs and Icecream - Lukagami - Luka and Kagami hanging out while Adrinette are being in love during the NY Special

#gamma squad #fic rec list #admin: inimoo and thesquipproject #we worked our asses off on this adkljsds

[profiterole-reads]

2021 Favourites

In no particular order. This is content I've read and watched in 2021, not necessarily content released in 2021.

Books

1. The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley: m/m 19th-century fantasy. I love the intricate plot of this series. Book 2 takes place in Japan, which makes it even more interesting.

2. The Velocity of Revolution by Marshall Ryan Maresca: queer and poly urban fantasy set in a secondary world. This amazing stand-alone novel has telepathy where the characters can end up in somebody else's body. Think Sense8.

3. [Spanish] Cada Seis Meses by Clara Duarte: f/f magical realism. This is my favourite Spanish novel. The love interest only exists six months a year. The plot plays with the butterfly effect.

4. Cute Mutants by SJ Whitby: sapphic and trans/enby superhero fiction (YA). This is a novel series, despite the comics-sounding titles. I read a lot of original superhero books and this is my fave.

5. Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao: m/m/f science fiction. I also read some original giant robot novels and this is definitely my fave. I love how it's inspired by Chinese culture and mythology.

6. The Unraveling by Benjamin Rosenbaum: science fiction with two invented genders. In this far-future stand-alone novel, people have several bodies with only one mind. Perfect for fans of Ann Leckie.

7. The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer: m/m science fiction (YA). Try to go into this book knowing as little as possible. It has horror vibes of the quiet "we're two people alone in the middle of space" variety.

8. The Papercutter by Cindy Rizzo: f/f dystopia (YA). The United States have split into two nations: the United Progressive Regions and the God Fearing States. Jewish pen pals use a secret code via traditional papercuts.

9. Jinx Ballou, Bounty Hunter by Dharma Kelleher: thriller with a trans woman protagonist. This action-packed series deals with serious themes, but also has fun scenes where the protagonist cosplays and goes to conventions.

10. [French] Tant qu'il le faudra by Cordélia: LGBT contemporary fiction. This is my favourite French series. A group of diverse people write an LGBT magazine. It's a brilliant mix of activism and romance.

TV shows

1. Word of Honor: BL wuxia. This c-drama is mind-blowing, nobody knows how it went past censorship. It has an excellent plot and beautiful visuals.

2. Heaven Official's Blessing: BL xianxia. This donghua is full of sweet flirting. I love the plot and the gorgeous art. There's also going to be a c-drama.

3. The Wheel of Time: heroic fantasy with some f/f + polyamory in the background. This is very pleasant to watch thanks to its focus on women and on characters of colour.

4. Legend of Yunqian: GL time travel (part wuxia, part contemporary). This c-drama is a quick watch, with 15 episodes of 4 minutes, but it packs a lot.

5. Motherland: Fort Salem: urban fantasy with some f/f. This is another excellent series with a focus on women and on characters of colour.

6. Color Rush: BL magical realism (YA). This k-drama is based on the concept of Soulmate AUs: you only see colour when you're with your soulmate. It's movie-length, with 8 episodes of 15 minutes.

7. MCU TV shows: Loki is bisexual and genderfluid. I also like the deaf representation in Hawkeye and the Black representation in Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

8. Y: The Last Man: science fiction with a trans man major character. The plot could have been better, but the trans representation is very well done.

9. Light On Me: BL romance (YA). This k-drama's protagonist is on the autism spectrum. It has an all-male love triangle.

10. Young Royals: m/m romance (YA). This amazing Swedish show is about a gay prince finding love at his boarding school.

Movies

1. The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity: BL wuxia (not to be mixed up with The Yin Yang Master, though it's pretty good too). Both of these movies are Chinese adaptations from the Japanese novel Onmyoji.

2. MCU movies: some m/m in Eternals. I love that we're finally getting more diversity in the MCU, not only with Eternals, but also with Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.

3. The Matrix 4: science fiction by a trans woman. Objectively, there isn't much LGBT content, but subjectively, the movie has a lot of queer/trans energy.

4. Snake Eyes: action movie with BL vibes. I know it isn't exactly popular, but I thought it was as good with Japanese culture as Shang-Chi was with Chinese culture.

5. You Make Me Dance: BL romance. This Korean movie is a lovely story about a professional dancer and a debt collector.

#rec list #lgbt sff #lgbt books #sff books #lgbt tv shows #sff tv shows #lgbt movies #sff movies #mlm #m/m #wlw #f/f #non-binary #trans female #trans male #gender #polyamory #fantasy #sci-fi #contemporary #french #français #spanish #español