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guxciestone · 3 months

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✧ CELEBRITY BIRTH CHART ANALYSIS ✧

— ariana grande.

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hii !! today, i am going to analyze ariana grande’s birth chart. this was recommended by an ask, and i’ve spent a long while making this post. so, i hope you enjoy and have a nice day !! 🌿✨‎ ‎ ‎

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Ariana Grande-Butera was born on June 26, 1993 in Boca Raton, Florida. She is an influential figure in contemporary popular music and has established herself as an ultimate pop icon, mostly known for her four-octave vocal range and whistle register. Ariana started as a theater kid, making her debut on Broadway in 2008 in Jason Robert Brown’s ‘13’. Over time, she begins to make her way as a Nickelodeon actor, primarily known for ‘Victorious’ (from 2010-13) and ‘Sam and Cat’ (2013-14)--a spin-off of the popular characters Cat Valentine and Sam Puckett from ‘iCarly’. Grande’s acting career gets put to a halt during the run of ‘Sam and Cat’ when she begins to focus on her music career and establishes herself as a certified music artist. Ariana’s first album “Yours Truly” came out on August 30, 2013. Ariana Grande’s most popular songs include “7 Rings”, “Thank U, Next”, “Side to Side”, “Dangerous Woman”, “Into You”, and “Positions”. She has achieved seven number one’s on the billboards and two grammy’s along with several other awards thus far.

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she identifies as:

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ a cancer sun, libra moon, and capricorn rising.

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❀ her personality ❀

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Sun square Moon indicates that Ariana has an internal struggle between her core values and emotional values. With her Sun in Cancer in the 6th, Grande is an individual who seeks comfortability and homeliness in her daily routines, responsibilities, and sense of duty. She has a nurturing, sweet, and soft-hearted nature. She could be particularly invested in family and friends and is more than likely always making efforts to be there for them at all times; however, with her Moon in Libra in the 9th house, Ariana also desires to achieve balance, tranquility, and pleasure in her life through learning new things, intaking more knowledge, and seeking new things in the world. She may be particularly spiritual and could be invested in the religious aspects in life more than others. Ariana Grande is always mentioning the law of attraction, and she even has multiple songs singing about he manifested her fame and fortune. Nonetheless, it seems like she seems to be struggling with integrating one of the two. This could particularly be about religious factors; perhaps she grew up in a religious family and she broke away from those doctrines and created her own sense of spirituality. Or perhaps she struggles to keep family close while also striving for spiritual and intellectual abundance and experiences. This aspect is also prominent in natives whose parents have separated.

Her ascendant ruler in the 2nd house immediately shows that Grande has a strong sense of self-worth and adequacy. She could hold herself to a high regard and have the ability to attract anything she wants with just a snap of a finger, because she easily attracts nice things when she begins to value herself just as much. Her capricorn ascendant shows she appears to have a mature, responsible, and respectable personality on the first impression. She has a petite figure, and she looks amazingly youthful for her age which is common amongst capricorn ascendants. Not to mention, she has a sarcastic yet humorous and charismatic nature that others seem to love about her with her venus trine ascendant. It is easier for Ariana to dress herself in a dominating yet attractive way to which others are pulled towards her, but also in awe of her glamor and prestige–she is able to maintain a signature while keeping it alluring, which I have also noticed in capricorn ascendant celebrities.

With her Venus in Taurus in the 4th house, this indicates that Grande had a pleasurable, practical, and secure childhood. She did grow up with money. Her mother, Joan Grande, was a CEO of a manufacturing company; and her father, Edward Grande, owned a graphic design firm. With this placement correlating to her ascendant, it seems that anyone would take notice of this luxurious air about her even without the fame.

Sun square Jupiter gives Ms. Grande a flamboyant, humorous, and entertaining personality. She is a delight to be around and has a distinctive charm that attracts people from different corners. She is magnetic and not afraid to take up space in any room she lands in. This aspect often promises a great sense of confidence and self-assurance. She has a comforting yet fair personality that others are attracted by with the Libra and Cancer influence in this aspect. However, this aspect could indicate arrogance and an overly spontaneous character. Grande has a decent confidence in herself, but there may be times in which she takes quick risks due to her nature of knowing that things always go right for her. This could also point to an inflated ego and entitlement.

With Neptune conjunct ascendant, Ariana appears as a compassionate, kind, and giving individual on the first impression. Others are often mystified by her, and this aspect could also indicate glamorization and idolization from others. In extreme cases, individuals with strong Neptunian placement could attract copycats. Ariana Grande has endured many conveniences up to this day of multiple fans replicating her style, mannerisms, and singing. Additionally, Grande has undergone many subtle changes in her physical appearance and style over the years–and Uranus conjunct ascendant only magnifies that. Ariana has a unique style (such as the iconic signature ponytail, long sweaters that she wears over her hands, and the long boots) She has gone under the needle before, and she has abruptly changed her fashion many times over the years. In my opinion, she looks far different from when she first came into the limelight; that is the definition of neptune and uranus-ascendant energy.

Sun sextile Mars indicates that Grande has an unshakable determination, ambition, and courage. Considering that her sun is in cancer in the 6th house, she dedicates her core values to serving her duties, working, and being disciplined in her routine and obligations. She could dedicate her work to providing for her family or making her loved ones happy. Along with her mars in virgo in the 8th house, she also dedicates herself to her deepest and vulnerable desires. She strives for material possessions and merging herself with her earnings. This aspect could make her fairly materialistic, but that is what motivates her. Not to mention, Ariana has immense sex appeal, and her partners may find it attractive how hardworking and driven she is.

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❀ her relationships ❀

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With Chiron in Leo in the 7th house, Ariana could have a personal wound or trauma surrounding expressing her creativity, inner child, and authentic self in her interpersonal relationships. This placement is also prominent in individuals who are either entirely uncomfortable or unapologetic in bringing their personal connections to light or public attention–we are literally talking about a girl who made an extremely popular song about her roster of exes. However, Grande, when younger, may have struggled with finding herself in her romantic connections with her partners; over time, she may find that with each lover she figures out a new aspect of herself and her personal identity. She seems to be the type of individual who truly transforms and grows after being in a connection with someone, and we can see that in her relationships with other celebrities such as Mac Miller or Big Sean.

With Venus square Chiron, there is a deep wound surrounding love, self-esteem, and pleasure. With Venus in Taurus in the 4th house, the wound specifically indicates that Grande struggles with feeling secure or stable in her interpersonal connections. It may be that she is not entirely sure what she hopes to find in a long-term partner, someone who she feels comfortable being with for the long run. This could be due to the feeling as if she is not allowed to express herself properly or be her individualistic self. Considering that Grande has been in several relationships–on top of that, there are speculations that she has partaken in infidelity multiple times and left her ex-husband Dalton for another man–this isn’t surprising personally. Furthermore, there is also this itching feeling that nothing or no one is ever enough, or she isn’t enough.

Ariana is an imaginative, idealistic, compassionate, and creative lover with Venus trine Neptune. She seeks the magical and elusive side of romance, beauty, and art. With Neptune in her 1st house, Grande adores incorporating bedazzling, whimsical, and shimmering designs in her fashion and aesthetic. Furthermore, she is obviously musically and artistically talented as well. She may even like decorating her home in a dream-like and adorable way too because it makes her feel safe and sound with Venus in Taurus the 4th. She could more than likely attract musicians, artists, and friendly individuals (like herself) and for the worst, she may attract addicts or victimizing partners.

Grande is an electrifying, exciting, and spontaneous partner with Venus trine Uranus. She seeks thrill and unpredictability in her love life and in her partners too. She may be particularly interested in partners who are somewhat different from her or partners no one would expect her to be with. Uranus is the planet of the futuristic aesthetic, and I noticed that Ariana is fixated with planets, space, sleep, and that galactic type of style–especially in her songs such as NASA, R.E.M, and etc. Her makeup line also has a futuristic vibe to it as well; most of her makeup products are all very bright, metallic, and glittery colors.

Chiron square Pluto indicates that Grande has suffered major and long-term traumas and wounds, especially in regards to her interpersonal relationships and experiencing them in the public eye with Chiron in the 7th and Pluto in Scorpio in the 10th. She dealt with the death of her grandpa, her ex-boyfriend, and several fans in the Manchester bombing. These wounds are truly embellished in her image as a figure, but also in her identity because these events are integral to her and her character. This aspect could indicate someone who deals with extreme paranoia, anxiety, or depression. She allegedly suffered PTSD and anxiety from everything that happened; she also mentioned she has been put through therapy for years, and it saved her life multiple times.

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❀ her talents ❀

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With Ariana’s 5th house ruler trine Pluto, she has the ability to determine when people are genuine or superficial, especially when it comes to her career status and success with her Mercury in Cancer in the 7th house. She holds her loved ones and personal relationships close, and often has a small group of friends whom she can trust. She could stick to a certain group of people for an extremely long time. Her intuition is heightened, and it is easy for her to see who is good or bad for her, especially since she has already experienced several traumatic circumstances in her career such as stalkers, copycats, etc.

North node in Sagittarius in the 11th house indicates that Grande has been given the special ability to expand her horizons, learn more knowledge, and live life full of excitement through connecting and building with her community, pursuing her hopes and dreams, and advocating for liberation of her desires. Ariana may be particularly popular in this lifetime–easily being able to gain friendships, develop professional relationships, and meet unique kinds of people. Ariana needs to learn how to be open towards meeting different people than her usual circle and be willing to learn and expand her experiences through traveling, indulging in cultures, and much more.

Ariana has a water grand trine, occurring in her sun, midheaven, and saturn. This indicates that she has a notable ability in tuning into her emotions, inner world, and vulnerable spots to transform them into a creative talent and express them successfully to an audience and gain professional success and build a significant legacy throughout her life.

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❀ her legacy and image ❀

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With Pluto in Scorpio in the 10th house, Ariana is a powerful, intense, and ambitious individual. She would mostly find her transforming and changing abruptly through her public image, how she moves through her professional life, and her legacy/success. Furthermore, she could be particularly secretive, paranoid, and observant in the matters of the people and what she puts out there for others to see. This placement often indicates that her traumas and wounds could derive from her public image and career. With Venus in Taurus in the 4th opposition Pluto, Grande, at some point, may have felt as though her sense of comfort and security may have been threatened due to the harsh events surrounding her endeavors. Perhaps she may have thought her family or loved one’s safety may have been at risk. It makes complete sense because Grande had a long-time stalker that would break into her home; anyone would feel unsafe if that happened to them.

Ariana Grande appears to be a hardworking, assertive, and dominant individual in the public eye with her Mars in Virgo in the 8th house square Pluto. She is persistent and always will strive to work towards her goals and achievement despite anyone or anything that gets in her way. It is possible that at some point, or maybe even now, she is a huge workaholic. However, her strong desire to achieve could make her someone who is also incredibly domineering–wiping out anyone or anything that threatens her chance for success. She may even be this way with her partners, becoming clingy or possessive, struggling with letting them go. She has an entire song called “needy”. Additionally, her sexual image is quite unique. She is viewed as fairly sexually expressive, but she has a delicate and sweet way of expressing it–we can see that in her songs such as “34 + 35” and “nasty”.

Ariana is partially known for her interesting, yet tragic and well-publicized love life and relationships with her Chiron in Leo in the 7th house square Pluto. Others view her as someone who has endured the worst in losing a loved one through addiction, experiencing the horrible deaths of her fans firsthand, and dealing with the loss of a family member.

Saturn trine Midheaven indicates that Grande has a solid, secure, and successful career due to her persistent, ambitious work ethic and her creative and imaginative character with her Saturn in Pisces at the 0 degree. It shows that she truly used manifestation, her vision, spirituality, and her artistic nature to get to where she is today. Furthermore, there wouldn’t be a surprise if she was interested in meditation and journaling.

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❀ ariana’s fame degrees ❀

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— basing off of my fame degrees post

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Grande has multiple 20th degrees in her chart, placed in her uranus, neptune, and venus; the 20th degree is the degree of fame that is extremely unbelievable that the public eye may consider the native to be apart of witchcraft, the occult, illuminati, or any other spiritual practices to get their amount of fame and fortune.

She also has the 11th degree in her north node in sagittarius; the 11th degree is the degree of fame that is earned through humanitarianism, giving back, and doing selfless acts. Grande is huge on women empowerment, body positivity, and LGBTQ rights. Additionally, she has contributed to multiple charities and organizations in the past.

Ariana has a couple of 5th degrees in her chart, placed in her sun and jupiter; the 5th degree is the degree of viral or short-term fame, fame that lasts only for a hot minute.

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#guxciestone #astrology #natal chart #celebrity readings #astro community #astrology observations #zodiac #astro observations

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night-unfurls-its-splendour · 5 months

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Hi! I was just wondering who's your favorite phantom actor?

Can be from any Poto play, or movie, or anything really.

I'm really curious!

This and similar questions have been popping up so much for me in the last week lol

I like to be extremely specific so I will give you a few of my favourites

I have been meaning to re-examine my favourites for a while now

So my favourite overall, my number one, my blorbo, the phantom closest to my heart is always going to be Gerard Butler. Say what you want about his singing, but ain't no other phantom ever done Pleading Eyes (tm) like that man.

For stage Phantoms the one who has a hold on my mind that just will not let go is Tim Martin Gleason. I love a tall phantom. I love that in the title song he does not order Christine to sing for him, he asks her. He conveys, with his intonation, that he asks for the honour of having her sing for him. I love how expressive he is. This man made so many choices.

Vocally I think the best singer that has ever played the phantom is John Owen Jones. But I think my favourite phantom Vocally is Tomas Ambt Kofod, because he--more than ANY other Phantom I have heard, sounds like Erik. His voice is remarkable in its smoothness and delicacy, but also very powerful.

He's also so sensual and gentle. He loves to administer loving touches and caresses to his Christine.

His final lair is also devastating

The Phantom actor I think I respect most is Ethan Freeman. This man has such a dedication to this character and to the book specifically. He refused to read Phantom by Susan Kay because he didn't want an apocryphal version of the character to influence his interpretation, which he specified modeled off of Leroux's Erik, adding touches pulled directly from the novel such as kissing (or almost kissing) the hem of Christine's robe during "Stranger Than You Dreamt It", as Erik kisses the hem of her dress in the book.

Seen here in the West End in 1995 with Jill Washington:

And here, in Essen, 11 years later with Anne Görner:

It seems that over time he evolved this moment to the point that he appears to abandon the thought before he brings it close to his lips--probably thinking he's not even worthy of touching her vestments.

He's got an almost faerie-goblin quality to his interpretation. Like he's just scuttled out of the Black Forest. He also leans into the idea of Erik-as-Magician

He's not afraid to be sensual either, though.

I think the most emotional phantom is Earl Carpenter. One of the first full boots I ever watched was Earl Carpenter with Rachel Barrel. His Music of the Night changed my brain chemistry forever. The gentleness! The vulnerability! The vacillation between confidence and fragility!!

The way he would jostle Christine a little when he caught her, his face a picture of panicked concern!

Though I think his interpretation of Erik as (for want of a better word) asexual is a little wacky (considering the text), it strangely works in favour of Erik's particular brand of sensuality, and it paired particularly well with Rachel's timid and apprehensive interpretation of Christine (which I generally dislike--here, though). And his singing has only improved with maturity. The raw emotion of his All I Ask of You (Rooftop Reprise) in his 2023 run is shattering. Absolutely shattering.

My favourite feral Phantom is without a doubt Scott Davies. If you ever want to see the most unhinged "Let these freaks be together" e/c show you've ever seen you have GOT to watch Scott Davies with Meredith Braun. Ethan Freeman's got the Goblin King energy and Anthony Crivello has the Sewer Gremlin vibe, but if you ever want a Phantom with a real primal streak, you can do no better than long-standing West End understudy Scott Davies:

This guy tackled the role with a ferocity and an audacity that you don't generally find outside of Russian productions.

His Phantom hands? Oh Lordy!

And the best part is that Meredith's Christine was picking up EVERYTHING he was laying down. Her Christine is just as mad, just as feral, just as unhinged. And especially paired with such a hearty goodfellow Raoul as Matthew Cammelle--Raoul would have done well to gtfo of there. He was NOT prepared to handle this lmao.

And then there's Ted Keegan. Who for me will always be the Phantom that got away. If I had just done a little more research before--just three months into my poto obsession--booking my tickets to see phantom before it closed on Broadway, I might have had the transcendent experience of seeing Ted Keegan live. As it was, I had no idea he was even still playing the phantom, and wound up with Ben Crawford instead.

And I would be remiss if I finished this list without naming Thomas James O'Leary. Like Ethan Freeman, O'Leary leans into Erik's ghostly persona, with a magician's touch. I think he took a lot of inspiration from Lon Chaney's Phantom (note the position of his hands here).

His "Sing for me~" is one of my all time favourite line readings and got a very embarrassing reaction out of me when I first heard it.

And then, as if that wasn't enough, there was the moan.

#asks #phantom of the opera #poto #poto musical #poto 2004 #erik the phantom #gerard butler #tim martin gleason #scott davies #thomas james o'leary #ted keegan #ethan freeman #tomas ambt kofod #earl carpenter

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b4rbi3l4nd · 1 year

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SOS — bad as i wanna be yours

I THINK Y'ALL MIGHT LIKE WHAT GOES DOWN IN THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'RE SO DAMN UPSET ABT THE BABY LMFAO. Also I plan on continuing this series based off some of my fav songs on the albums so don't worry, it may seem like it's over but it is NOT, also a lot of y'all kept ASKING how Malia got pregnant, WELLL, first of all it's Wakanda, they probably got some vibranium super sperm or something and NEXT JUST IGNORE THAT AND SAY FANFICTION MAGIC Y'ALL. Also the only marvel movies/series I can watch without skipping through like dialogue or dozing off is the Black Panther movies and WandaVision so if these personalities do not match the MCU characters then MY BAD, ALSO LIKE THINKING OF HAVING A Y/N x PETER SERIES COMING IN SOON BC I ALREADY HAVE THE IDEA. IF THIS ALSO DOES NOT MATCH THE CORRECT MCU TIMELINE THEN MY BAD AGAIN, NOT A MARVEL FANATIC FR, I JUST CARE ABT BLACK PANTHER AND WANDA💀😦OR MAYBE A MODERN AVATAR SERIES? HM? OR NOT LMAO

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋

GIF by mandalor-din

series summary: you broke up with shuri a few years ago and left wakanda for good until namor. now that he's killed the queen and multiple wakandan civilians, he's seen as a great threat and as former second in command at shuri's lab and wakanda's loyal warrior it is your duty to return and fight for your country. but a certain somebody makes the mission way too hard to deal with.

episode summary: after the night with shuri, you're feeling way too uncomfortable around her, especially since you kept getting flashbacks the whole day, you thought she'd felt the same way but no, absolutely opposite. paired up with that, a surprise at the palace causes the final war to break out...or is it?

genre: ANGST, slow, slow, slow burn, fluff

pairing: shuri x black fem reader

episode warnings: mature dialogue, suggestive dialogue, suggestive scenes, cursing, trauma, shouting, mentions of death, suicide, missing people etc. this is a series. you are currently looking at the fourth chapter of the series, please go to my profile to read the previous chapters before continuing (if you haven't read the other chapters yet, if so, please continue)

taglist: @yvxmpire, @sweetalittleselfish-honey, @xxmilli, @queenofsimpsblog, @ziayamikaelson, @shuriislut, @atssukoo, @widowmakker, @cuddl3s4shur1, @n7cje, @ts1mp0ne, @locoforshuri

proofread?: no but if there are errors then it's grammarly's fault.

word count: girl idfk

inspirations: 'SOS' — SZA

song: 'Love Language' — SZA

send your thoughts and requests

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You rub your eyes before blinking repeatedly and looking around. The first thing you feel as your senses come to is the arms of someone around you.

Memories immediately come flooding to your mind as your mouth dropped to the floor wide open.

"Tonight, baby i want you."

"I love when you wear that sthandwa"

"Fuck, I love when you get vocal entle.

"Hm...? It's just one finger baby, you can take more than that right?"

You stopped your mind from spitting out more dirty words that Shuri said to you last night. You took deep breaths before looking over at your phone on the nightstand.

10:30 AM.

You put your hands on hers, slowly removing them from your body. As you tried to free from her grip, she just tightened them and pulled you even closer. You could feel her breath on your neck.

Fuck was she awake?

You slowly turned around in the bed till you were face to face with her. She was so beautiful in her sleep, her curls just perfectly falling in place in her face.

You shook your head.

Stay focused Y/N.

You tried again, this time, grabbing a pillow and putting it in your place before rolling out of bed.

Once you got out, you sighed and then looked at yourself in the mirror. Her t-shirt was bunched up on your hips, completely exposing the lower half of your body. You looked around for your lingerie, slipping the lower half on. The panties with the stockings and ribbons at the knee.

You looked around, grabbing all your clothes, your phone and your stuff and piling it in your hands before slowly exiting the apartment.

You sighed, closing the door carefully as you leaned against the wall.

Bast..what was I thinking..

Your mind wandered back to last night, just thinking about the pleasure made your knees buckle.

"OH SHURI, SHURI, YES, YES, YES!" You moaned out in pleasure as your vision turned white.

"That's it baby...keep going." Shuri groaned in your ear as she quickened her pace, you held onto her arm, feeling her restraint.

You bit your lip, bringing yourself back to reality as you slinked back along the walls. You had to get to your room without getting noticed.

It took a while, especially with a bunch of Dora Milaje warriors and guards roaming around the castle. You finally got out your key and placed it against the door, opening the door to your room.

You sighed, closing your door quietly as you placed your head against it.

"Where were you last night?"

Shit.

You turned around to be met with Riri. Her hands were on her hips as she looked at you up and down, raising an eyebrow at your attire.

"Riri...I fucked up."

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"YOU HAD SEX WITH THE QUEEN?!"

"SHHHH! SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU!" You shushed Riri loudly as she slapped her hands over her mouth.

"Y/N, do you know how BAD that is. Um, not only is she the QUEEN OF WAKANDA AND YOUR BOSS but she's also your ex?! What were you thinking?! When I said we wanted them panties dropping, I didn't mean by HER!"

"I know, I know, it's just...I was just not thinking straight, at all."

Riri sighed deeply, sitting down on your bed before patting a spot next to you.

"Well, it already happened, just tell me you guys used protection?"

You blinked a couple times before looking off to the side, your mouth folding inwards.

"Omg, you didn't use protection?! Okay, at least tell me that she pulled out or something!"

You look down, distinctively remembering her pushing up against you, the feeling of just her filling you up.

"Okay, has this turned to mission: get a baby or what?! First it's Malia, now it's you!"

"It's fine! Okay, I'll just...get on the pill!" You throw yourself back on your bed, putting a hand on your stomach.

"You weren't on the pill before?"

"Why would I be? I haven't had sex in 4 years."

"Wow that's sad...God, that's sad."

"I'm a grown woman, okay. I don't need to have sex to properly function." You turned around in your spot as Riri thought for a moment.

"Well, how was it?"

"Really good....really...really..good."

"O-kay then...what did she say? Was her words slurring? Because if so then she was drunk and she might wake up not remembering anything so you might be in the clear."

"No...no, she was very much sober, especially after the bath.."

"Y'ALL SHOWERED TOGETHER?! Y/N!" Riri stood up, shocked and you soon followed after, standing with her.

"I know! I know okay but she just always did aftercare..she even used the little panther bath bombs I always loved..but.." You trailed off, looking to the side, worry spread across your face.

"What? But what?" Riri asked, looking at you with concern.

"She kept calling me nicknames and pet names like...baby and my love and beautiful and she referred to her bed as our bed AND...she said she loved me...on multiple occasions, even when she rocked me to sleep, she kept whispering sweet nothings...Riri, I'm folding." You fold your arms together to keep your knees from buckling. Her voice just did stuff to you.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Y/N, get a grip of yourself, you're a grown-ass woman. Okay? Look, this is only gonna open up a world of problems, I mean if she was sober, telling you that she loves you?! God..." She looked at you as you bit your lip.

"I got it!" You raised your hands up with a nervous smile. "I'll just ignore her, she probably feels regret like I do so, we just won't speak for a long time till we have to."

And that's exactly what you did for the rest of the day, you ignored her. You went to the lab extra late that day so you blended in with the extra people, making it harder for her to see you. You strictly stayed downstairs even though some of the stuff you needed was on the second floor but you knew she'd be there so you made custom parts. Whenever she came into view, you'd immediately turn around and hide behind something or someone. She even called out your name a few times but you just kept quiet, you really didn't want that awkward after-sex conversation.

And everything was pretty going great with your plan, except for the random flashbacks during the day. It was now lunch time and you were heading over to the cafe where you normally met up with Riri. As you entered the huge place, you scanned the room, immediately noticing Shuri sitting at a table with M'Baku, Nakia and Okoye. Riri was sitting on the other side of the room, headphones in and eating her food.

You sighed. As you looked back at Shuri, you noticed she was already looking at you and you quickly diverted eye contact. Out of your peripheral vision, you noticed her walking towards you and you quickly made your way over to the counter, ordering your food.

You tapped your foot impatiently, waiting for your food, knowing she was getting closer. You looked with a side eye, noticing she had stopped and was distracted by someone. Once your food finally came, you took it and practically sprinted over to Riri, sitting at the table, sighing.

"Oh my God, she was walking over to me.." You start rambling, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down.

"Just take your time Y/N." Riri said, taking off her headphones. "You think she forgot already?"

"Hopefully."

You settle, looking down at your food as you pick up a fork but you freeze when you feel someone's hands on your shoulders.

"Hey," Shuri said, moving her hands over to your waist.

"Heyyyy..." you mutter out as she moved her lips over to your neck. You looked over at Riri who had a shocked face and was motioning with her eyes over to the door.

"Um...actually..." You stopped her before she could start kissing your neck, standing up as she stood up straight, looking at you confused.

"I need to go take care of...stuff." You smile weakly at her and exit the cafe.

"I'll go...check on her with the...stuff." Riri stands up, rushing after you, leaving Shuri lost.

You sigh as you push open the doors to the throne room, sitting down on a chair. You smoothen out your dress, running your hands on your thighs before looking out the large windows to calm yourself down.

"What was that out there?!" Riri says, walking in behind you.

You turn over to Riri, shrugging. "I don't know, she just came up to me and started kissing my neck, I don't know if she thinks we're dating now..."

"I mean you 2 fucked...and she said she loved you, that's like a dating thing right?" Riri asked, sitting in front of you.

"I'm not sure.."

"But do you love her?"

"I do. Of course, I do...surprisingly never stopped."

"Well, then you wanna date her right?"

You paused at this. Did you wanna date her?

"Of...course..." You trailed off, looking to the side, sounding unsure.

"Y/N..?" Shuri asked, opening the doors to the throne room.

"I'll...leave you 2 be." Riri stood up, walking out the room as Shuri walked in, sitting across from you.

It was an awkward silence for a bit before Shuri spoke up. "I'm sorry if what I did in the cafe made you uncomfortable I just thought...-"

"No, no it's fine." You stopped her, giving her a smile.

"Um, about last night." She started, looking at you.

"Oh God.." you muttered under your breath, feeling a wave of embarrassment.

"I want you to know that I wasn't drunk or under the influence when I said all that stuff..I really mean it, I do love you and I know I said that I wasn't gonna ask you to be my girlfriend or anything I just...I really missed you Y/N." She took your hands in hers as she stared you deep in the eye. "I want to explore us again...I want to be your girlfriend Y/N."

Your breath hitched at her declaration of love. You slightly frowned. "And it's not that I don't want that it's just...there are things about me that you don't know."

"So tell me, tell me everything Y/N." Shuri leaned in closer as you bit your lower lip.

"It's not that simple.." You released your hands from her grip, looking down, tears watering in your eyes. Whenever you thought about it, those memories flooded your mind, horribly.

Shuri didn't say anything and looked at you before sighing and standing up. "It's fine, just forget about last night." She turned around, taking a deep breath as she started her way to the door.

"I can't just forget about last night Shuri.." You choke out, looking up and to the side as she shook her head, not even turning her head to you.

"Just keep things professional..okay?" She opened the door to the throne room as you looked down.

You really didn't want to fuck everything up again but you just didn't like talking about it, talking about her. You choked on your words, blinking back your tears as you fiddled with your fingers.

"It was when I left Wakanda." You made out as you heard the throne room door close.

"You don't have to share if you don't want to..." Shuri turned back around, walking over to you and sitting down.

"No, no, listen..." You look up, wiping away tears, taking a shaky breath in and out. "I was...working with the avengers...recruited by Stark."

Your mind flashed back to 4 years ago when Tony Stark recruited you. You shook hands with him, smiling as he smiled back.

"Gotta make room for new growing minds right?" Tony said.

"Yes sir." You nervously said, pushing up your glasses.

It was the first time you've seen Tony smile when he wasn't with his wife and you really didn't want to get him riled up.

You had your hair in an afro and you were wearing a dark blue suit jacket with a matching skirt, white pumps and white pearls.

As you exited the office in Stark Industries, you bumped into a tall white woman with ginger hair in a black suit.

"Hey, you must be the new recruit, right? I'm Natasha Romanoff" She held out her hand for a handshake and you shook it.

"Y/N Amadi." You say, your Wakandan accent seemingly very strong because she noticed right away.

"Wakandan?" She raised an eyebrow as you nodded your head. "So you're like the smart one, like Shuri right?"

At the mention of her name, you looked down slightly and then nodded again, the sight of her crying and begging you not to go on the floor still fresh in your mind.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah just had a lot on my mind, what were you saying?" You look back up at the woman as she looked to the side and then back at you.

"Come meet my team, you're going to be working with us for some time anyway." She took your hand, leading you over to a different room.

"Everything was fine for a while until I met her."

You noticed another younger woman, she was ginger as well and you approached her.

"Hi, I'm...Y/N, you?"

She turned around to face you, almost seeming shy before she smiled at you with her green eyes.

"I'm Wanda."

"Wanda was my first friend, she showed me around a lot, we worked together but she could get very emotional and sometimes she scared me when talking about her lover? Vision..a robot. She would have me work on him, even when Tony told us he was off limits."

"Are you sure we're supposed to be here?" Your voice was timid as you jumped the fence with Wanda and she rolled her eyes slightly.

"Yes, come on, Vision is in this building." She led you over to the huge building, government territory.

You scanned a fake card that wanda had you make as you guys entered the territory. She led you through the building and down into some sort of lab where a huge blanket sheet was on a table.

She flipped on the lights and then carefully walked over to the table, taking off the sheet revealing the most beautiful and well crafted robot you've ever seen.

"Oh my Bast...and you say he's like a human?" You walk along the sides of the table as Wanda admired him.

"Yes, Vision can talk, walk, act like one..." She sighed at him before looking up at you. "But the government has kept him here out of unfairness."

"Are you positive, they kept him here because they are unfair?" You raised an eyebrow at Wanda. "Maybe they kept him here for other reasons..-"

"No. I know the government, they want to take my vision from me, which is why you must help me. Please Y/N, I'm your best friend, remember?" She took your hands in hers and you turned to the side, looking away slightly before nodding.

"Alright but I don't want Tony to know, or else I'll lose my job and if the government finds out, I'll be put in a federal prison or executed."

"They won't. We'll start off small, you'll help restore Vision and then when he's good to go, I'll take him away. It'll be safe, I promise."

"And so I agreed. We would go over to the lab, nightly. Every day and we wouldn't leave until the sun shone over. As time passed on though, there was this thing, gem...stone rather in Vision's head and with more work done to him, the more it glowed. I realized soon that it would be dangerous to continue working on him, especially since I didn't know the dangers of this gem."

"You'll be fine Y/N, it's just used to power Vision, continue quickly. They'll soon get here." Wanda rushed you but you shook your head.

"No, it's glowing unnaturally, I can't continue to work on it."

"Y/N, you're just being paranoid, come on. We have to go soon."

"No, Wanda...look." You reached over to touch the stone but that's when your pupils went white and the gemstone turned black.

"Y/N!" was all you heard before footsteps and then you blacked out.

"I woke up in prison. Federal prison. We got caught...well, I got caught. Wanda got away and I later found out that she made a town with Vision and...whatever, but still. I was right about that gemstone. You know those dark purple things you saw come out the other day..yeah, we're...getting there."

"Who...who are you..?!" You speak out, sitting on the floor, backing away as a shadowy figure was standing in the center of the room, staring back at you.

Your glasses were broken and you were in federal prison by now, changed into gray and white clothes.

"I am dar, your companion forever. You summoned me, remember?" The figure walked towards you before a disfigured smile formed on it's face and it stretched your mouth out, open wide and then entered inside you, feet first and then the body.

God, it was terrifying and the person watching the surveillance camera was later put in a ward.

"I later found out it was a she and she was tethered to me. She was a virus I apparently created. When I worked with Vision, I was supposed to take out the gem but we didn't and whenever errors were made, I thought I erased them but...it just went into the gem until it became uncontrollable. I basically cursed myself with some magical coding shit, I don't know. I gave myself powers in the WORST wat imaginable and she's really only released with pent-up rage or sadness..."

You looked up at Shuri who was just staring back at you with an unreadable expression. You buried your face in your head, sighing.

"I know..I know, I sound stupid, I know."

"No, no, you don't, it's just that that's a lot. I'm sorry..- thank you for telling me." She reached out to touch your hand and you let her.

"Well, I didn't want it to seem like I was rejecting you...because I'm not."

You two look at each other in comfortable silence as you share a weak smile. She looked like she was about to say something but that's when the doors to the throne room burst open and a dora milaje warrior rushed in.

"Malia...she's gone.!"

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You and Shuri rushed through the hallways with the warrior following you as you entered the infirmary, horrified with what you saw.

The doctor's stomach was gutted open and there was a tear in the vibranium wall, separating the cell from the rest of the palace.

You pressed your hand over your mouth as you looked down at the woman's lifeless body on the ground, her eyes wide open, seeing everything and nothing.

"What happened here?!" Shuri asked, looking over to the warrior.

"Nalaji...she was giving Malia her lunch but as she opened up the barrier to place the food in, Malia suddenly lashed out and attacked her. No weapons were found, none was there a trace of any vibranium used in the crime scene except for the wall."

You look into the cell and there was a plate of food scattered all across the floor.

"THE BORDERS!" Shuri rushed out to the infirmary as a loud alarm went off. It took you some time as you stumbled out of the room, following the sound of Shuri's voice, leading you over to the lab.

"My Queen...your girlfriend, Y/N has entered the lab."

"Thank you Griot." Shuri sounded annoyed as she waved through some work on the top floor, people scurrying around.

Despite all the chaos, it caused some butterflies in your chest that Shuri had programmed Griot to call you her girlfriend and ACTUALLY say your name...it was better than being called "unknown woman" every time you entered the lab.

You rushed over to your working space, and opening your laptop but you were deterred away from the computer as you heard screaming. You looked up at the windows to be met with the horrific sight of some warriors at the water borders completely dead and gutted, a rip made in the borders.

"SECURE ALL THE BORDERS!" Shuri ordered as warriors and people rushed out of the lab as directions were dished out to everyone.

"Are the ships ready for battle?" Shuri asked one of the people at the lab.

"Yes, my queen."

"Good. We're bringing the battle over to them. If they think they can just come and kill my people, they are horribly mistaken."

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"YIMBAMBE!" Shuri shouted out, raising her fist out into the air as the Wakandan warriors repeated.

"YIMBAMBE!" They repeated.

"YIMBAMBE!"

You looked out to the water as Namor and the Talokans emerged and jumped onto the ships, and immediately the fighting began.

"You blue people were better in Avatar..." You scoffed as you grabbed the daggers from your back pockets, ready to face them off.

As a warrior approached you, heading for a punched, you grabbed her fist and threw her down on the floor, slicing her throat open, then you turned around quickly, punching another one coming behind you, throwing them across the ship as the landed hard on the floors. You stepped back, looking at the scene. It had just started and bodies were already dropping.

You fought off more people before noticing Namor. You ran straight for him but he turned around just in time, grabbing your neck, lifting you up in the air.

You gasped for air as you looked down, moving one leg so far back and then kicked him with maximum power, right in the groin and then moving another leg to kick him in the neck.

His grip on you loosened as you fell to the floor, you grabbed a spear slicing at his thigh, causing him to fall over. Your eyes were like slits now as you were looking at him with pure hatred. You wanted to kill him, drive your hand right through his chest and bring out his heart.

"You took my dad from me." You spat at him, bringing your foot to his neck, pressing harder.

"DAD!" You heard a familiar voice shriek as you look up, brought face to face with Malia. She was in a warrior outfit and she looked at you with anger burning in her eyes.

You quickly looked down, grabbing Namor by the hair, pulling him up.

"Y/N...unhand my father now." Malia said, hissing at you as you scoffed.

"You can say that about your dad but guess what, can't say that about my dad now can I? Where was this attitude when your father over here drowned his grave..hm?" You looked over at Namor, stepping on one of his wings as you held a dagger up to his throat.

You looked straight at Malia, your eyebrows furrowed as you narrowed your eyes in on her.

"A father...for a father. A life, for a life."

You sliced his neck open before throwing him across the ship. His body fell into a ship that flew up nearby. The dehydration tank.

As much as you wished you did slice his neck open...you didn't. You cut deep enough to bleed but shallow enough not to hit a nerve.

"NO!" Malia cried out as she watched it all unfold in front of her. She turned to you, her eyes burning with rage but yours was burning just the same, maybe even harder.

"AH!" She rushed towards you with a punch but you quickly dodged her, spears in hands as you made a fist.

"YOU WANNA DANCE BITCH?! COME ON!" You shouted at her as you stood your ground. She stood in her fighting stance, across from you.

You both circled each other until she finally rushed up to you with a kick but you caught it with your hands, turning around and swiftly kicking her square in the tummy, sending her flying across the ship.

You watch as she sharply hit the edge, banging her head and her back hardly.

You stood up straight and paid attention to her body movement. She stood up slowly, eyes wide as she looked down to her legs.

Confused, your eyes followed hers before your eyes widened. Blood slowly dripped down her legs as she muttered out..

"My baby.."

"Fuck."

Although you didn't like her, you know how it feels to have a miscarriage and you felt an extreme wave of guilt knowing you caused it too.

You rushed over to her side as she fell to her knees, clutching her tummy. Her head lowered as you got on your knees, next to her.

"Oh my...shit..are you okay?" You panic, looking at her.

"No...but I will be."

Was all you heard again before your mouth opened, wide, blood trickling out. You looked down to see she had plunged a spear straight through your stomach...your own spear.

"Fuck...you.." was all you could mutter out till you saw Shuri and Namor on a flying ship...and then you blacked out.

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You woke up about 2 weeks later in the lab. Your eyes darted open as you looked up at everything. Shuri was at your side, holding your hand and as you immediately woke up, she grabbed you, hugging you tightly.

"Don't ever scare me like that, ever again.." She said, choking on her words.

You hugged her back but immediately felt guilt. You pull back from Shuri and look at her. "Malia is no longer pregnant.." You bite your lip as she stays silent before nodding.

"She was on the battlefield when she lost the baby...the cause is unknown but it's..tragic."

You knew that Shuri wants kids..or well at least she used to when you guys were together. She would often talk about raising her own family but that was years ago. It would explain why she wanted Malia to keep the baby so bad.

"Do you...have a lead on who did it?" You ask, your voice raising as Shuri shook her head.

"No..but when we find out who did it, I'll kill them."

You gulp. Okay, then.

"Sorry, it's just..I saw this child as a way to get the family I always wanted back..yknow?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry for your loss.." You looked down as Shuri sighed.

"It's not your fault."

But it was..

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You paced around the room, biting your nail frantically and impatiently. You were currently trying to add up the dates because today, as well as yesterday and the days before, you've been waking up terribly sick.

You just thought it was a side effect from almost dying so many times, blacking out and all, and also a side effect from dar but that wasn't it. It didn't add up..at all. So..you decided to take a pregnancy test. But not just one, multiple.

3 American ones and 4 Wakandan ones, just to be sure. Beeping filled the bathroom as you turned off the timer, looking at the pregnancy tests, your eyes wide.

Positive...positive...positive....positive...positive...positive...positive.

"FUCK." You sit down on the closed-lid toilet burying your face in your hands. It's been around 3 weeks since you and Shuri were intimate and you hadn't even realized when you missed your period because of the drama going on at the palace.

"Y/N! You in here?" Shuri entered your apartment as she walked around then into the bathroom, looking down at you, raising an eyebrow. "You okay?"

You look up to her, worry in your face as take a deep sigh.

"I'm pregnant."

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dre6ming · 1 year

Text

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter 17 - this is when the feeling sinks in

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Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/ actress fem reader

Warning: age gap (10 years), smut (18+ mature content), cursing, mentions of death, grief, alcohol, fluff

Plot: the ending to a beautiful love story, the next few months in (y/n) and Austin’s life, navigating everything.

Word count: ~10.000

Disclaimer: this is the last chapter of the series, BUT be not afraid, there will be an epilogue to tie the end completely, but I can’t make any promises about when it will be posted since I have started on it yet, but keep an eye on my page, I always update when I can. Also this chapter is not proof read so there my be writing errors. Thank you!

A/n: thank you so much for coming along on this journey and though the story might be over “The delicate beginning rush” universe is not closed, so content from this world might still be posted on the form of fake instagram stories or small stories. I will always revisit these two whenever I feel like you (my readers) want me to. Thank you!! 💜🧶

June 2022

Today it's a calm day in the studio with Taylor and Jack, I'm working on my vocals for her new album that she will announce at the AMA's. "Ok when you hear the beat, start singing." Taylor tells me, giving me the ok to record my vocals. Jack plays the track, the song Paris, is not finished yet, but she really wants it on the album, so we're doing the mixing and vocals for it, I the hopes that inspiration will struck and she'll finish it. As I'm singing I keep thinking that the way she describes she's feeling about Joe, it's the way I feel about Austin, only I can't scream it from the top of lung like her, I have to keep it private. When the word private comes to my mind something in my brain clicks I tell Jack to keep playing the beat for a little longer.

" Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world

romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

levitate above all the messes made

sit quiet by my side in the shade

and not the kind that's thrown

but the kind under where a tree has grown"

After I finish I take my headphones down and come out of the recording booth, seeing Taylor's and Jack's knowing looks. "That was amazing, Taylor you're up next" Jack says, getting back to his computer, putting together the vocals and such. "Ahah right away, then you're gonna tell me who this person that has you so in love is" Taylor teases before going into the booth to record the verse I just wrote.

Later in the car on the way to her place where she and I will have dinner with Joe, like we usually do, I fidget around nervously. "It's Austin isn't it? He's the one you love?" She asks, looking at me and taking my hands in hers, to stop me from picking at my skin. I look at her, scared for her reaction and all words leave me as I simply nod. What she does, takes me by surprise, when she brings me close and hugs me resting her chin on my head. "If he make you happy, I'm willing to give him a chance." She promises, squeezing me tight in her arms. "Thank you, it means so much to be able to finally tell you." I giggle, the weight already off my chest. "I hope you know now you've got to arrange a meet between me and him, preferably a double date at your place maybe?" She says. "Deal." I agree, happy to have her support.

August 2022

"Agh I'm so nervous, this is too much for me to handle" my hands are shaking holding the champagne glass, looking at the huge projected screen counting down the seconds until my album goes live on streaming. "It's going to be so amazing, my darling, trust me (y/n)" Austin tells me, squeezing my shoulders in a comforting way, kissing my cheek. For the past months I've slowly been introducing Austin to my close friends, so when I decided to host my birthday party and my album release party, privately at my New York apartment, I decided it was safe to invite him. "You think so?" I ask furrowing my brows, creasing my forehead with concern. Austin smooths his hands down my arms, his electric touch sending shivers down my spine. "I know so." he smiles at me so confident.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I put my glass to his lips and he tilts his head back, drinking the remaining liquor. He licks his lips sensually, dipping down to kiss me, but I see Taylor approaching in my peripheral vision, so I turn my head to the side, so his lips touch my cheek instead. "Hi Taylor!" I say, moving out of Austin's embrace, to hug her tightly. "Happy birthday my mastermind!" She says, squeezing me as hard as she can. I feel Austin shift uncomfortably behind me, so I can only imagine she's giving him a death stare. Taylor was the one who probably took it the hardest when I told her about me and him, she loves me and she's very protective of me. Taking caution from her previous relationships with age gaps such as mine and Austin's. "Hello Taylor, nice to meet you in person!" Austin says, extending a hand for her to shake, this is the first time they meet officially, he knows she's not too fond of him. I try to give her my best pleading look, while trying to be subtle about it and Taylor understands, her gaze softening a bit. "Likewise Austin, glad to see you're here supporting her, it means a lot to her!"

"I know it does." Austin tells her truthfully, snaking an arm around my waist. "So are you excited, only 10 minutes until it goes live." Taylor moves her eyes on me, looking excited. A set of arms wraps around her waist and Joe's head pops from the side, resting on her shoulder. "(Y/n) happy birthday, 20 looks good on you." Joe says in his strong British accent, smiling wholeheartedly. "Aw thank you Joe! I'm actually freaking out right now, what if everybody hates it?" I start stressing out again, all kinds of thoughts taking over my head once again as my heart rate picks up and my hands go clammy with sweat. "Hey, hey, none of that, you have a beautiful voice and you wrote beautiful songs, people would be crazy not to love them." Taylor assures me, taking my hands in hers, smoothing her fingers over my knuckles. "She's right, it's gonna be amazing, you're so so talented." Austin chimes in, agreeing with Taylor. "Austin man, mind grabbing a glass? Let's leave the girls do their thing." Joe proposes, leading Austin to the bar, to get a drink.

Taylor hooks her arm around mine and starts walking me to the balcony to get some fresh air. "You know I think I'm slowly working my way to liking him, you guys are cute, I'll give you that." I giggle at her confession, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's sweet, he's been by my side through all of this, he calms me down."

"Well that's good, doesn't mean I won't keep my eye on him." She tells me, squeezing my arm. "Well it's good to know I have friends I can count on." I lean my head on her shoulder, looking out at the New York lights, the city looks so magical at night. "I just don't want you to go through the pain I did, when I felt like everything hurt, every single action was excruciating." She sighs. "Heartbreak is inevitable, I don't think me and Austin are forever, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know." I admit my thoughts, this is the first time saying this out loud, though I've thought it for a while now. I love Austin, of course I do and it's not to say that I don't think he loves me, but I have to keep a grip on reality and the possibility that he might leave some day. "Don't!" Taylor warns, taking a step away, turning me to look at her. She places her hands on my shoulders, softly shaking me, like trying to wake me up, her blue eyes looking straight into mine. "If there's one thing I've learned from every relationship I've had, is that if you keep anticipating the bad outcome, there's always a good chance it'll happen. Austin may not be forever, but he might also be, you don't know and you can't keep jinxing yourself."

Tears well in my eyes and I nod, a soft whimper escaping past my lips, turning into a sob, as she pulls me into her arms, to hug me. "I'm so scared Taylor, I feel paralyzed, soon all of the songs I wrote about my parents, my feelings, about Austin, everything.. it'll just be out there. And then I have to admit to myself that me and Austin won't be able to keep this hidden for much longer, I'm so sa-" my voice breaks as I fist the material of her dress, clinging onto her. "Oh (y/n) it'll all be ok, just breathe ok? Please!" Taylor tries to calm me down, but I'm livid at this point shaking in her arms, hot streams of slat running down my cheek and into my mouth. "(Y/n)? Taylor? Guys?" A all too familiar voice calls out, slow steps approaching. "Oh my sœur, my sweet little sister, what's wrong? Joe and Austin said you two walked out on the balcony, is everything ok?" Timmy asks, smoothing a hand down my back. "We just need a minute, how long until midnight?" Taylor asks, rocking me in her arms. "Four minutes on the clock." Timmy tells her, causing a much louder sob to go past my lips as the fear of the inevitable release of everything I've worked so hard for approaches. "Ok, go in there, we'll be in at the right time." Taylor assures.

Timmy kisses my temple, then leaves me and Taylor as we were before, alone in the hot august night. "You have one more minute to cry, then we will wipe those tears away and go in there. You'll act like the superstar that you are and claim every good thing coming your way, I know it can be scary to have you're feelings served on a plate for everyone to see, but once they are out and you see that everyone feels or has felt like that, you won't be so scared anymore." She wipe my tears with a tissue she pulled out of the pocket of her dress. My lips shiver in a shy smile, as I breathe deep. "Ok, I'm a superstar, I'm gonna be great." I repeat her words, trying to convince myself, the fact that she looks so sure of it, helping a bit. "Come on, we don't want to miss the release." She drags me back into the apartment, all my fiends are gathered around the screen projector, looking at the huge numbers counting down, champagne glasses in their hands, ready to toast.

"Five, four, three, two, one..." people count out loud, then clapping and music erupts, shaking the room alive as Timmy and Joe pop some confetti. I let go of Taylor's hand, my eyes scanning the room for the one I want to see the most. A pair of arms catches me, turning me around to face the person. My face inches away from Austin's. "I love you, congratulations!" He whispers, before placing his soft plush lips on mine, moving slowly and tender, bringing me to life, every cell in my body becoming overcharged with serotonin. My head thuds against my rib cage and I lace my fingers through his silky hair. "I love you too!" I tell him, as he lets me go, so I can circle the room and hug everyone here. It's not a big party but all the important people are here, except my parents. Now, my mom wanted to come, but she couldn't take so much time off work and dad, well I still haven't gotten around to talking to him.

After hugging Billie and her brother, I move on, ending up face to face with Joshua. "Congratulations! I'll be rooting for you at the Grammys!" He jokes, making me laugh as I drag him into a tight hug. "That reaching but I think that just for tonight I'll entertain it." I say, smiling. "Well we'd hope so!" Roxanne says, coming to his side, kissing his cheek. They started seeing each a few months ago, after she came along for a studio session with him. "Very funny, have fun!" I wish them moving on to the next person.

At the end of the night I'm pretty tired and my feet hurt like hell from being squeezed into those very uncomfortable, but very beautiful heels. "An outstanding piece of art from a young upcoming singer, best known for her Oscar worthy performance. A raw, bone shattering audio experience, a journey through the ups and downs of the teenage years..."

"Oh my lord, stop stop, that's enough!" I say, crawling over the bed to reach Austin and take the phone out of his hand. "Hey it's on rolling stone, it must be legit." He says, bending down to kiss my lips. "Maybe." I mumble moving my soft lips against his. My hands roam his torso, until they reach the collar of his shit. With a little tug, I fall on my back, dragging him along. Austin chuckles against my mouth, using one hand to prompt himself up so that he doesn't squish me underneath him. My thoughts are going at a thousand miles per hour and my hands find purchase in his blonde locks of hair, scratching at his scalp, resulting in a long breathy moan to escape him. My hips lift off of the mattress unconsciously, my pelvis brushing against his. Austin grunts, grinding his crotch against mine, placing his free hand on my thigh, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

We're a panting mess of bodies colliding, the clothes between us restricting us from feeling the warmth of each other fully, so I grab at his shit that's tugged into his pants, snaking my hands underneath the cotton material, to feel his soft burning flesh with the tips of my fingers. Austin's lips move along my jaw, taking their sweet time in loving that one spot right below my ear, that has me going crazy. "Austin.." I sigh, pleasure traveling through my bloodstream enveloping my whole body, I feel the arousal starting to gather in my underwear and I need more, so I move my hips against him harder, searching for that release. Austin's hand ghosts over my thigh, lifting my dress up, then stopping on my hipbone he pushes me into the mattress.

"(Y/n), baby? How far do you want to go?" Austin asks me, his fingers digging into my flesh holding me in place against the mattress. "All the way, I- I need you." I whine, trying to get free out of his grip, but to no avail. Austin freezes above me, then slowly moves back a bit, putting some distance between us, to look at my face. His blue orbs look over my crimson complexion, analyzing every freckle and every wrinkle, looking for the smallest drop of doubt. "Are you s-sure you're ready? I've told you before, you don't have to, I love you!"

Austin has always been considerate, ever since we started dating and I told him about being a virgin he assured me that I should never feel pressured into changing that. And I never have, but I've dreamed maybe even wished that it would happen and that he would be the one to do it.

I push my hips up fighting he's strong hold on my hip, whining for his touch, feeling starved in a way I've never felt before. Austin's breath gets a bit jagged and his hand resting on the side of my head, fists the bed sheets. "Ok baby, anything for you, anything!" He promises putting his lips back on mine, consuming my entire soul with his wet kiss. I lift my head off of the bed to follow his sweet soft lips when he pulls back. Austin's hand leaves my hip, coming to stroke my left cheek gently, his skin feeling electric against mine. His ocean blue eyes travel over my face, following my every feature like his willing to have my face engraved in his memory forever. The glimmer in the sky colored orbs watching me, melts my heart, it makes heat travel all over my body and stop in between my legs, so I rub my thighs together, trying to get some relief. The action does not go unnoticed by Austin and a boyish smile appears on his face.

I blush a deep shade of pink, trying to hide my face in the palm of his hand. "Nah no doing that, eyes on me honey! Good, now tell me what you want!" I open my mouth to speak only a bit scared to voice my desire, but his loving glare calms me down. "I want you to make love to me, Austin. Be mine!" I tell him, cupping his face this both of my hands, smoothing the skin on his cheeks. "I'm yours, I've always been, always will be!" His eyes so full of honesty and love, there's no doubt that what's between us, is real and genuine. I pull him in, only to miss his lips right before they touch mine, turning his head to whisper in his ear. "Show me!" My words sound like a dare and his whole body trembles in response.

Instantly his lips are on mine, drinking me in, moving in an orchestrated manner. Austin's hands roam my body and he shifts around the bed, placing a leg in between my thighs, angling it up, putting pressure right her I crave it. I sigh in pleasure, moving my hips over his thigh, wanting more than just the peer pressure his leg provides. I'm wearing thin nylons under my dress and he uses one hand to rip them apart. "Aus!" I gasp pulling back to see him smirk. "I'll buy you a dozen more, now let me make you feel good." He says stealing the breath out of me. His hands settle on my hips, moving me along his thigh, the friction sending electric shocks of pleasure through me. I grasp onto him, keeping him as close as possible, while he keeps my hips moving. I feel me sleek coating his pant leg and I squeeze my thighs around his muscular thigh. Austin keeps a steady pace, speaking quietly in my ear, telling me how much he loves me. "Let go baby, realx, come on!" He encourages me and my orgasm takes over me leaving me a shaky breathless pile of bones and muscles.

Austin gets up from the bed, taking a step back to look at me, catching his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You look so fucking beautiful like this, spread out for me, cheeks rosy" he bites his lip, slowly starting to undress himself, unbuckling his belt. On cue I start to lift my dress over my head, but he shakes his head, stopping me. "I want to do it, just be patient my darling." His voice rasps, filling me with excitement.

Soon he stands bare in front of me and I can't help but roam my eyes over his form, I've seen him naked before, but for some reason right now feels like it the first time. "Like the view?" Austin quirks a brow at me, chuckling. "Maybe!" I giggle, licking my lips, the action wiping the smirk off his face. Austin comes closer, bending down to take both of my hands in his, lifting me up in a sitting position. "You're the best thing to happen to me." He tells me truthfully. I touch his face, smoothing the wrinkles by his eyes, then ghosting my finger tips over his plump lips. "I love you Austin, thank you for being mine." I kiss him forcefully, as his hand grab the hem of my dress, slowly lifting it up my body, his burning flesh teasing my, leaving goosebumps all over. We have to break apart when he reaches my head and we both laugh when the sequences of the dress get stuck in my hair.

Now here I am, naked in front of this man that watches me like I'm the only thing he's ever known to look at. His eyes glimmer in a way I can't describe and his hands follow the shape of my body without touching me, like he's scared I'm going to perish if he dares to lay a hand on my. I grab his wrists and guide his hands to cup my bare breast, the moment our skins make contact his eyes snap at me, pulling me into a deep stare. There's something so carnal about this, just to people in love, looking into each other's eyes. I let go of his wrists and move to take off my panties and ripped nylons, finally leaving myself completely bare for him to see. Austin's eyes never leave mine, as on of his hands moves over to my hip, the other snaking around my torso. Carefully he lifts me up, placing me in the middle of my bed, hovering over me.

"Are you scared? You're so quiet." Austin asks, brushing the hair out of my face. "No, I think you've left me speechless." I smile, brushing my hands through his hair. "As flattering as that is, I want you to tell me if you need me to stop. Eyes on me (y/n)!"

"I will, I promise! I'm ok now." I assure him and he nods his head, coming down to kiss me. "I need a condom, fuck I- I don't have any." Austin suddenly realizes, looking apologetic. "I'm so sorry baby, I just, I don't carry one around and I-" I start laughing at his frantic way of apologizing. Their is my Austin, always so sweet and considerate, not to say polite. Him not having a condom on hand tells me that this is as unexpected for him as it is for me. "I have an idea." I say trying to hold my laugh in. "What?" He looks rather skeptic of me. "I know Timmy has some, I could go sneak in and take some."

Austin instantly looks terrified. "And risk getting killed on your birthday?" I can't hold my amusement in anymore. "I'm glad my eminent death amuses you." He says trying to sound angry, but unable to hide his laugh. "Well technically, it's way over midnight, so it's no longer my birthday and I'll be careful." I say, sliding from underneath him, grabbing my silk robe and tying it around me. "(Y/n) are you sure? We can do this tomorrow, or when you want to, we don't have to rush." I bend down to give him a quick kiss. "I want to now, I'll be right back." I turn around walking out of the room and closing the door behind me.

I tiptoe through the quiet house and I can hear Timmy in the kitchen talking on the phone, so I quickly sprint to his room, going straight to the bathroom. I search every drawer and cabinet, finally finding the condoms, grabbing two and putting them in the pocket of my robe. As I close the cabinet door and get ready to leave I hear the door to his room open and close. "Fuck fuck..." I look around for an excuse of why I'm here, this late and naked. I grab the toothpaste tube and decide I'm just gonna lie about needing it.

The bathroom door opens and I'm met eye to eye with him. "Can I help you sœur?" He asks, looking confused. "Um I just needed to borrow toothpaste, I ran out." I explain nervously, shifting my weight from one leg to the other. "Okay?" He doesn't seem to believe me. "Well thanks!" I smile trying to get past him and out the door. "Can you bring that back when you're done? I need to brush my teeth as well." He says and I curse myself for not thinking about that. "Oh well I'm actually so tired, I think I'll just take some now." I say, opening the tube and squeezing some toothpaste onto my finger. "Here you go, have a great night." I tell him, handing back the tube and running out the door. "Ok wiredo.." he mumbles as I walk fast back to my room.

In my room Austin waits for me on the bed, with his arm folded under his head and everything on display. "You made it. With toothpaste?" He jokes, getting up from the bed, hugging my waist and spinning me around onto the bed, to end up where we left off, with me under him. "Timmy walked in in me, I had to find an excuse for being there." I explain taking a tissue form my bedside table and wiping the toothpaste off. Austin laugh shaking his head in disbelief. I slide my hand in the pocket of my robe and pull out the two condoms, holding them up. "Two? You plan to seduce me more than once tonight?" Austin smiles at me, coming down to pepper kisses all over my face. "Maybe." I tease, getting lost in the feeling of his lips traveling over my skin. "Well to be honest you don't have to try to hard" he confesses, kissing down my neck, reaching the spot under my ear, sucking and turning me to jello in his arms. His hands walk over my silk covered form, untying the robe and letting it fall open. Austin places the palm of his hand on my lower stomach, slowly inching it down, teasing me by taking a second to play with my hair. "Please!" I beg, lifting my hips off the mattress, willing him to touch me. "Patient baby, I need to open you up a bit, I don't want it to hurt." He says breathing ragged.

Finally his skilled finger touches my clit, drawing slow circles, pleasure cursing through me, enveloping me whole. "Aus.." I moan pulling at his hair, causing him to let out a guttural groan. "(Y/n)." His fingers work me like magic, his thumb applying pressure to my clit while his forefinger teases me hole. Slowly he enters one finger, pumping it in and out at a slow pace, curving it up, to massage that spongy spot inside me, making my legs shake. "I'm gonna add another one baby, ok? Just breathe for me." Austin instructs me and I nod my head, unable to reply as my voice gets knocked out of me. His long fingers work me open, gentle and slow, the stinging of the stretch being gone very soon. I feel the bubble of pleasure start to form in my belly and I start breathing faster. Austin moves down my chest to take one of my nipples in his mouth, swirling his hot tongue around the sensitive bud.

Right when I feel about to reach my peak, his long fingers disappear, leaving me whining and wanting more. "What-" his lips on mine silence me. "Take off the robe baby, I want to feel all of you." As I work on getting my robe off, he takes his shaft in hand, pumping himself a few times, quiet curses going past his lips. "Fuck the way you watch me kills me baby, you know that (y/n)?" He asks, taking one condom, opening it and rolling it on slowly. Everything suddenly feels so real and when he clears his throat to catch my attention, I realize I was frozen. "(Y/n) we don't have to, I told you." I quickly shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him back over me. "It's not that, I just-" I'm a bit ashamed to voice my fears, but looking into Austin's eyes I see that I have nothing to fear. "What if I'm not good enough and I don't make you feel good?" I whisper.

"My darling love, when it comes to you it's not just sex, never was, never will be, it's about showing each other how much love we have for one another. And to be honest sex feels good for guys almost no matter what, only a jerk would tell a girl she doesn't know how to please him. Ok? I love you!" Austin caresses my cheek, kissing my lips. I feel my heart gallop in my chest and the second I feel his hard on, touch my inner thigh I'm reminded of the desire I have for him. "I love you too." I tell him, kissing him back. "I know, I'm going to try ok? If it hurts to much, just tell me and I'll stop." Austin promises, looking into my eyes. "Yes, I promise."

I feel his head nudge my entrance, my breath hitches in the back of my throat and anxiety builds in my chest, up his eyes never leave me. I wince at the sudden sting and he freezes. "Keep going it's ok." I say, and though he looks skeptical, he keeps going. When he's fully inside me and his pelvis touches mine, I feel complete. I wish I could describe better how the way we're now conjoined makes me feel so at peace and so safe. "Are you ok?" Austin asks one of his big hands cupping my breast and twisting my nipple between his fingers. I moan loudly, throwing my head back, screwing my eyes shut. "Yess, move, oh god." A low grunt escapes Austin and he starts to move, his head hitting my g-spot with every thrust. "You're so tight, squeezing me so good, God I wish to stay like this forever." He whines, moving his hips at a steady pace. I get more confident and start moving my hips to meet his thrusts. "Shit Aus, feels so good.... Love you so much."

"I love you too!" His hands touch every patch of skin, exploring me, memorizing every inch of my body and I do the same, touching every part of him I can. Austin moves on of his hands back to my clit, stimulating it, making me squeeze around him. "You close baby? Look at me." He demands and I follow his request, making eye contact with him and feeling closer to my orgasm. "I'm so close, Aus, don't stop." He gives me a sloppy grin, kissing the tip of my nose. "I'm close too honey." He says, moving a bit faster. At this point we're just two piles of bones and muscle, whimpering and chasing our pleasure. Austin keeps playing with my clit and soon my orgasm hits me like a brick wall, pleasure washing over me like a cold shower, making everything blurry. "Austin." I moan, feeling him twitch inside me, as he freezes on top of me, moaning loudly. "(Y/n)"

When we both come back to reality he gets up, to throw the condom in the trash, then he scoops me up into his arms and carries me to the bathroom, turning the shower on. We take turns on washing each other, cracking jokes. "I love using your stuff I smell like you and it feels like you're with me all the time." Austin tells me, kissing my lips and working my conditioners through my hair. "I love you so much." I say, looking into his eyes. "I love you too."

December 2022

"Mom, the timer is done, I think your chicken is cooked." I scream from the kitchen, busy cracking some eggs for the cake I'm baking, tonight we plan a surprise birthday party for Timothee, so I'm doing all the baking while mom take care of the cooking. She and I kept on talking over the past months and while she's keen on staying at her new job in Nevada she visits now. Don't ask about my dad, neither of us got the courage to contact him just yet, but it's on my goal list for next year. "Oh Jesus, why must this skinny white boy have as his favorite food, your father's secret chicken recipe?" I giggle, adding flour to my mix. "Mom if it were secret, you wouldn't be able to cook it right now." She flips me off, making us both laugh as she gets the delicious food put the oven.

"So I think I got the karaoke system to work, but I won't put my money on it." Austin comes in the kitchen. "Oh miss. (Mother/n) that smells so good." He compliments my mom, coming over to my side to dip a finger into the frosting I made. "Hey, wash your hands first, now put it in the fridge please." I ask politely and he complies, giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head. "Thank you Austin, dear!" My mom smiles at him.

She met Austin a month ago and despite our big age difference she seems to be quite fond of him. She told me however to be careful, but other than that she welcomed him in. "So when is everyone showing up?" Austin asks, leaning against the kitchen counter. I look over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. "In two hours, but Roxanne and Joshua should be here any minute." I tell him, singling for him to bring the cake pan over so I could pour the mixture in it and pop it in the oven. "I'm happy the are still going strong." Austin speaks, opening the oven for me to slide the cake in. "Yeah, they seem happy." They've actually been going steady for a few months now and anyone who watches them sees that they have a great time together and that they love each other dearly.

"So any songs you want to do tonight?" Austin teases, walking me over to the living room to show me the karaoke station he installed. "Hm not really."

"Give it a try?" Austin hands me a microphone, helping me up onto the small stage he put together. "Ok, any requests?" I ask, smiling at him. "Surprise me." I think a bit about what song I want to do and decide to do one that's not yet on streaming, one I wrote a while and recorded not so long ago. "Ok, ready?"

New York back in August 10 floor balcony

smoke is floating over Jane and Greenwich Street

goosebumps from your wild eyes

when they're watching me

shivers danced down my spine

head down to my feet

swimming in your eyes in your eyes Egyptian blue

some thing I've never had without you

you're giving me chills at 100°

it's better than pills how you put me to sleep

Calling your name the only language I can speak

taking my breath a souvenir that you can keep

"When did you write that one I don't think I've heard it before is it about me?" Austin teases coming over to take me into his arms and kiss my cheek. I giggle putting the microphone down and circling my arms around his neck looking straight into his eyes "Yeah I wrote it about you what gave it away?" Austin shrugs his shoulders smiling at me playing with my braids between his fingers "Maybe it was the part about giving you shivers" I laugh tilting my head back "Oh really I thought it would've been the part about Egyptian blue eyes" he chuckles softly. "That part too, I guess." I shake my head at him, kissing his pink lips, licking my own when we break apart. "Is that my lip balm?" Austin blushes and pulls the lip balm tube out of the pocket his sweatpants applying some. "Dork" I say slapping his shoulder, making him feign hurt.

"Would you love birds stop all the smooching" Roxanne says walking into the living room with Joshua in hand. "Hey man!" Austin says reaching a hand out to shake Joshua's, then he goes to hug Roxanne. "Roxy, ever bubbly." Austin teases. "Hi Roxy, Joshua." I say. "Butler, ever a golden retriever, go fetch." She jokes, throwing an invisible ball. "Easy tiger!" Joshua pats her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

"Everything looks nice, is the cake ready? Can I taste some?" She asks excitedly. "Thank you and no, not yet." Just then my alarm rings for me to take the cake out. "You think you boys could fend for yourselfs while me and Roxy make the cake?" I ask, looking between Austin and Joshua. "I think we'll be fine." Austin responds, Joshua agreeing. "Ok, come on Rox, I'll let you eat the extra frosting."

"Hey that's not fair, I want some as well." Joshua says walking out way, only to get pulled back by Austin. "We'll steal some later, let the girls have their own moment" Austin winks my way, making me blush.

"Oh hello Roxanne!" My mom says, as she works on the smashed potatoes. "Hi miss" Roxy says back, hoping on the counter and watching me take the cake out of the oven and pouring syrup over it to cool it of and get it moist. "So Joshua was saying that he was thinking a trip to Rome might be nice for new year's. He said you and Austin should come along and if Timmy keeps things steady with Lily-Rose he should bring her." I get excited for a minute only to deflate the next. "What about paparazzi? You know me and Austin want to keep this as hidden as possible."

"We would rent a vineyard air b&b outside of Rome, keep away from the big city, maybe visit some of the villages around." The plan sounds great, but not bulletproof. "Paparazzi could still find us." She shrugs her shoulders, taking a spoon and helping herself to some of the frosting. "At this point you've been together for what? 10 months?" I nod. "And you love each other, if they find you, the last thing you should do is listen to their stupid speculations and talk, you and Austin know the truth of your love story ."

"I'll have to think a bit more about it. Ok?" She understands and tells me that I still have a few days until Joshua has to confirm how many people will be staying at the place he rented.

The party starts soon after our conversation and we all have a great time, singing and enjoying good food. At the end of the night when me and Austin put ourselves to bed I tell him about Roxy's invite and he tells me Joshua brought it up to him as well, as far as he's concerned he is willing to take the risk. "I love you and you love me, we both know what we have it's true, so what does it matter if they find us." I agree with him in the end, deciding that maybe yes we should go with our friends and enjoy new year's with them, but the anxiety of being found out doesn't necessarily leave me.

February 2023

The Grammys

"And the Grammy goes to..." Dua Lipa, makes a slight pause to read the winner off of the card and I hold my breath, having so many feelings at once. Taylor holds my hand under the table, also watching the stage closely, waiting for the moment the tell us who won. "(Y/n), Someone who loves you (wouldn't do this)" my song "everything I wanted" starts playing and there's screams from everywhere, feel Taylor hug me, lifting me up from the chair and pushing me towards the stage. She, Finneas, Jack, Billie and Joshua join me on the stage as I accept my award.

" I can't say that when I was making this album I ever thought it would be nominated for a Grammy and then it would get to win a Grammy. I poured my heart into this project and every single one of the people on this stage tonight can tell you how many tears I've cried over these songs and how difficult it was for me to open up to the world in the way that I did. It's more than just a dream to see my words be transported from my journal entries into songs into streaming platforms and then into your homes and hearts. I am so honored and so happy and I want to thank my family, my friends, my love, and my record label and the Academy for the amazing opportunity that they've offered me tonight thank you!"

After the great ceremony and a few more awards, I finally get to go home, missing Taylor's after party, since I'm too tired to attend. When the elevator doors open to my apartment, I'm met with a huge arrangement of flowers, from purple star flowers to sun flowers and peonies, all my favorite flowers, filling the room with their incredible aroma. "...my love" I hear my voice say as Austin comes into view holding his phone, turning the recording of my speech off. "You found a way to thank me, you didn't have to." He says, scooping me up into his arms. "That was exactly what I needed to do, dandelions was my first number one hit." I remind him kissing his cheek, as he carries me to my bedroom and into the bathroom where he prepared a relaxing bath for me.

Golden Globes evening

" Good evening everybody, I want to start off by thanking the Golden Globes for giving me the honor of presenting an award this year. The first time I ever attended the Golden Globes ceremony I was Timothée Chalamet's +1 it happened in 2016 and I met Taylor Swift. If you would've told me back then that getting to talk to Taylor would change what my future would look like forever, I probably wouldn't have believed you so I have a lot of things to thank the Golden Globes for. Last year I was nominated for a couple of words I even won a few but I couldn't attend so this year it was mandatory for me to be here. I am excited to announce the category for the best actor, on our list we have nominees who have given us amazing performances of incredible characters, bringing to screen pure and raw emotion pouring their soul and entire being into these personas that they've taken responsibility to portray. Here's a list of our nominees for best actor" I wait for the promoter to read the nominees, hoping that my reaction to Austin's name being called out, wasn't too much.

The room is quiet and it's my turn again to speak, with shaking hands, I hold the golden envelope up. " In this year's winner for best actor is" I pause opening the envelope and as soon as my eyes make out the name written on the card, they fill with tears that quickly blink back. " Austin Butler for Elvis, Congratulations!" My voice tremors and I feel like my entire body could explode with joy and excitement for Austin. After hugging Baz and his father Austin, runs over to the stage, coming my way with teary eyes. On reflex he hugs me and picks me up off the ground, squeezing me tight, so I have to remember him about where we are. "Careful baby!" He puts me down, taking the award and mouthing a silent 'sorry'.

After he gives his speech, we both get down from the stage and I walk over to his table to make small talk with Baz and Priscilla and meet Lisa Marie for the first time. "(Y/n) always a pleasure to see you, you look beautiful, honey." Priscilla says, putting back in place some pieces of hair that fell out of place. "Thank you and it's a pleasure to meet you miss Presley" I say to Lisa, extending my hand out to shake, but she surprises me by giving me a big hug. "Oh please it's Lisa, I was so sad we didn't get to talk at the premiere last year and I'm so happy so finally get to see you." I blush at all the nice commentary coming my way, making small talk for the rest of the night.

A few days later

I'm still in L.A. after the golden globes working in getting some auditions for some new exciting roles, I'm staying over at Austin's house, which I think by now a lot of people know. There were some pictures of him picking me up from the air port before the awards, but nothing too scandalous to confirm we're more than just friends.

Austin is in his office, working on some online interviews, having doubled his press due to the Oscars being in a couple of weeks. I can hear him softly talk and laugh to the interviewer and it makes me smile, knowing how sad and worried he's been for the last day. He received news from Baz who heard from Priscilla, that Lisa Marie was rushed to the hospital last night and since then Austin's just been packed with nerves and anxiety, he formed a strong bond her. Not to say he's under pressure for the Oscar nominations, being announced in two days from now.

As I scroll through my phone, Austin's phone rings, he left it here with me to take any calls or messages while he's busy with interviews. I see the id caller being Baz, so I decide it's safe to answer. "Austin?" Baz's voice comes through the phone, worry and sadness evident in his tone and my mind goes directly to Lisa Marie. "It's me Baz, Austin is in an interview right now." I hear Baz sigh. "Well maybe it's better like this maybe he'll take the news better coming from you." I know what this means, I know it so well, it hurts before he says it, my heart filling with hurt and sadness, tears breaming my eyes. "Just say it." All this wait is killing me. "Lisa Marie didn't make it, the memorial is a week form now at Graceland, both you and Austin are invited to come. I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news." I wipe the few falling tears from my cheeks, breathing deep. "That's ok Baz, thanks for telling me, I'll tell Austin when he's free, we'll talk soon, take care." I end the call and cry for a few good minutes, but I decide to be strong for Austin and I wipe my face and sit reading my script, while closely listening for him to be done with his interview.

When I hear him say goodbye to the interviewer and close his laptop, I get up form the couch and walk over to his office. The door is closed so that way, neither William or Simba could walk in and bomb his interview. I knock quietly and open the door. Austin, who was resting his head on his hands, ruffling his hair, lifts his eyes up to look at me. "(Y/n) have you been crying? What's-" I sit down on the leather couch in his office and pat the spot next to me. "Sit with me." Austin looking worried, listens to me, no questions asked, sitting down next to me. "Baz called, he," I take a deep breath. "He told me Lisa didn't make it, the memorial is next week at Graceland."

As I speak he doesn't seem to hear me talk anymore, his eyes filled with tears. He falls limb into my arms and cries with his face buried into my chest. I feel his hot tears soak into my shirt and his hands grip the cotton material harder, almost ripping it off of me. I try to soothe him, but the best thing I can do right now, is let him cry in my arms.

After a good hour or so of crying he fell asleep on the couch with his head in my lap, it was good thinking I got my phone with me when I left the living room, cause he had another interview scheduled for today, so I texted his agent James and told him that Austin isn't going to be able to do them. James, being Austin's best friend since they were little kids, understood perfectly, giving me green light to let Austin rest.

About three hours into his sleep, I need to use the bathroom really bad, so I unlatch his hands from around my waist and get up to go to the bathroom. As I'm washing my hands I hear him call my name, thinking he's up, I call back. "In the downstairs bathroom Aus." But I don't hear anyone approach, which worries me. I still hear him calling my name over and over again and I realize he's not awake, he's just sleep talking, something he does when he's very nervous.

I find him still on the couch in his office, asleep and mumbling my name. I squeeze next to him on the small couch and find my stop into his arms, instinctively he hugs me close, burying his nose into my hair and breathing in my scent. I don't know how long we stay like that, but by the time his eyes flutter open, the sun outside is setting. His hazy blue eyes watch me. "Is it real?" He asks, new tears pricking his eyes. "It is, baby." He holds me close to his chest, breathing in and out quietly.

A little over a week later

I attended the funeral with Austin, which made sense since I was close to the family outside my relationship with him, there were a few photos of me and him at the event, but we were both in mourning and us hugging didn't look too out of character. But to be honest at this point I don't think we care to hide the relationship anymore, we just want to be happy.

After the funeral Austin decided to fly back to New York with me, where we are now. Tonight the Oscar nominations are announced and I'm so so nervous for him, he really deserves it and I know deep down he wants it so badly. "Ready for bed honey?" He asks, coming into my bedroom and setting into bed next to me. "Do you really think you could sleep?" I ask as he puts his head into my stomach. "If you sing to me, please." He asks politely, so how could I refuse him?

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what could've been lights

but it might just have been you

passing by unbeknownst to me

life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

and my flight was awful

thanks for asking

I am unglued

thanks to you

and it's like snow at the beach

weird but fucking beautiful

flying in a dream stars by the pocketful

you wanting me tonight feels impossible

but it's coming down no sound it's all around

like snow at the beach

Though Austin falls asleep soon enough, I can't find rest for the whole night, so at 7am I'm at the kitchen counter, drinking a big cup of coffee, looking out the window and listening to the nomination announcement. When they reach the best actor category, my heart stops and I hold my breath. Finally they say it, they say he name, I'm so excited I don't have the patience to stay and watch the rest of the ceremony to see what other nominations hie movie gets, this one was the one I cared for the most.

I Find him still soundlessly asleep, his phone buzzing on his nightstand. I pick it and see it's James. "James hi, I'll wake him up now so sorry." James his agent sighs, chuckling. "That's ok, tell him to call me when he can, but an hour later max, understood?" I promise James that I'll get Austin to call him no later than an hour from now and end the call. "Aus.." I shake him awake gently and he opens his blue eyes for me. "Baby?"

"It's here Aus, you, made it, you got the nomination." As soon as the words leave my mouth he, sits up , looking for his phone. "You'll call James later, look at me Austin, I'm so proud of you, congratulations." I say cupping his face in my hands and kissing him. I can't believe I get to live in the moment with him.

March 2023

The Oscars

"This year every time we went to the cinema we had an incredible experience watching amazing actors put on a show for us, we saw personalities portrayed in ways we've never seen before from the electric magic of Elvis to the magnificent sad story of the Whale, we have experienced pain, love, fear, happiness all in one, all at the same time. We got drunk on the feeling of pure joy and pure excitement watching these incredible human beings play out on our screen. Tonight we honor them, we offer a token of our appreciation for the hard work that has been put into these movies. Here is the list of nominees for this year's best actor in a drama." My palms are sweaty and watch Austin holding hands with Angela Basset, while his dad has a hand on his shoulder for the two behind. I see the hope in his eyes and when in handed the envelope with the results, I say a little prayer for him. " Austin Butler for Elvis."

I can't believe it, he doesn't seem to believe it either as he sits frozen in his chair. "Austin it's you, you did it, you won, come up, you won." Finally he wakes up, standing and running over to the stage, not missing a beat when it comes to hugging me. I feel his tears on my cheek and it makes me so happy to know all he's worked for payed off. "I love you so so much!" He says letting me go, receiving his award and heading to the mic the give his speech.

"It's a lot to imagine that after four years of hard work, three years of dedicating myself to this incredible person who is no longer with us, but who left us with such an immense legacy , I get to be here on this stage tonight and hold this award in his name. Elvis, he loved acting, he loved movies and this award it's so much for him as it is for me. I want to thank him I want to thank his daughter Lisa for always watching over me. I want to thank my mom who is up there with them looking down at me hopefully so proud of who I am right now and what I managed to do. I want to thank every single person who was by my side in this period of time and who always supported me even when I didn't believe it myself thank you so much!"

After the ceremony and after getting his award engraved with his name we get in the car together, I rest my head on his shoulder as his driver takes us back to my place, so we could change for Baz's after party. "I can't believe it!" Austin whispers, smoothing his fingers over the cold metal of the award. "I can, you work very hard and you reached peoples hearts, you deserve it, own up to it."

July 2023

After the Oscars we were photographed many times together, but the most recent one, which finally confirmed our relationship came out only two days ago, after we had cute date. We were both a little tipsy and while waiting for Matt to come pick us up, we were photographed making out on the side of the street. It feels so weird to have everyone know that we're together, but it also feels good in a way, because now we don't have to hide anymore. Trying to lift my spirits up, Austin booked a trip to Disneyland the day after my birthday, which we chose to celebrate together at his house in L.A, combining both of our birthdays since they are only 9 days apart.

I look down at my lap, at the sleeping Austin, he looks so sweet and peaceful, I think it's finally time that I confirm my love for him online, so I snap a picture of him over my book that I'm reading, posting it to my stories and tagging him. I know this will probably blow out the internet, but I don't care, I'm so in love that I might stop breathing, he and I are approaching two years together and it's so unbelievable, if you've told me two years ago, that Austin would be mine, I probably would've laughed in your face, but it's true and it's of so amazing.

I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us, but I'm hopeful that we'll get through everything, like we have so far, by being open and communicative, by listening to each other, knowing when and where to set boundaries. Dedicating our time to helping each other grow and stay happy and healthy.

All because loving him is golden like daylight and the delicate beginning rush we felt so long ago never seems to leave us, only growing in intensity, fueling us to always come back and be here.

Tags: @galaxygirl453 @rainydayz101 @samaraannhan20 @marlowmode @myradiaz @areuirish @micaelainthe60s @homebodybirkin2003 @pennyroyalcreep @purejasmine @strokesofstokes @lanasfloridakiloss @denised916 @kibumslatina @macey234 @melodixs-blog @shantellescrivener @chewiethecatus @guacala @fangirl125reader @father-of-2cats @lucid315 @melodixs-blog @ilovehobi101 @richardslady121 @jensmithin @julie181 @chrisevansgirl34 @ranaissingle @onecrazydirectioner @maria-1287 @austinbutlerssimp @kingdomforapony @acoolnight @tarot-sybarite @goldenmarygio @frozenhuntress67 @anonyboo63478338 @littlewhiterose @thefallofthedamned @1eminicookie @rose-deathman @iheqrtaustin @desitravelsblog @prompted-wordsmith @austinsvlrslut @crystallizedth0t @hertvgirl @peanutbutterinacup @austinswhitewolf

Songs referenced:

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mikunology · 9 months

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Mikunology Reviews: Boku wa Hatsune Miku to Kiss wo Shita (2013) (Pt.2)

Alright, here we are with Part 2, where I will chat about the album's second half! Let's get to it!

Part 1 here

Ii, Er Fanclub: I think anyone who vaguely knows of Mikito has heard this one, if it's not ROKI. XD This is another more goofy, fun track about Rin and Gumi being fans of Chinese culture. And I love it! It's a great song, the back-and-forth between Rin and Gumi is so fun to sing along to - the inclusion of actual Chinese words is really fun as well. The drums are great here too. There's not really much I can say on this one that isn't just regular praise?? I highly recommend checking out it's PV by the wonderful Yori and Ryuusee! (Actually, I do have one comment I want to make: unpopular opinion, but I like this original Rin & Gumi version a lot more over Giga's Miku & Len mix. The goofy charm of the original song just jives with me more, although Giga's tuning is stellar.)

Wednesday Blue: This is another remaster, this time of one of Mikito's much older Miki originals. This is more typical rock'n'roll-style track, and it's a bit noisier than Mikito's usual fare. Unfortunately, I do think it's my least favorite on this album: it's a bit…all-over-the-place, compared to Mikito's later work? The Miki vocals are clearer and a bit better than the original NND upload, but they're still notably clunky in some places which can kinda take me out of the song. That said, the song as a whole isn't bad or anything, and it's actually pretty catchy after a few listens - it's just kinda clear this song was written by a less experienced Mikito. (Not to poke fun - everyone starts somewhere!)

Setsuna Plus (Momentary Plus): And here we are, back to Miku Dark again. This song is a bit more abstract in terms of lyrics, I think, but I still find myself coming back to it. There's not much I can say about this one either, honestly? Other than that it's good and that I like it - it has that usual great atmosphere again. However, I do have a slight criticism, I think - as much as I love the way Miku sounds here, I think this song could have done with a bit more powerful vocal instead, after hearing a few covers with characters like Amaga Eru (who can be pretty loud in her base voicebank).

Sarishinohara (Distant Fields): I remember not being too keen on this track at first for some reason? I don't know what was up with me because this song is really lovely XD This is a rock song about the forbidden love between a boy and his best friend and classmate, who has become an idol (and since idols can't date, she can no longer see him). There's such a tragic, melancholic feel to this song that really gets across the pain the boy is in, both in that he can no longer be with the girl despite her being "everywhere", in a sense, both in the instruments and in Miku Dark's vocals. Personally, I find this to be my favorite in the "Sarishinohara" trilogy, since 1) I think the melody is a bit easier to get into compared to the others and 2) just the sheer vibes.

Secret DVD: Ah, this one…the spicy one. A more straightforward rock track with a bit more "vanilla" Miku voice instead of Miku Dark, about doing sexy things. I actually like this one quite a bit despite the mature subject matter - it is pretty catchy, and the guitars are really good here. There's a part in the second verse where there's a harp-like strum and it's really satisfying. I also gotta say, something I always appreciated about Mikito's more sexual songs is that they're usually written in a manner that actually makes the act sound romantic rather than…well, you know. XD (*looks at REOL and Umetora*) I recommend this one for the music alone even if you're not into the song lyrically.

Salad Banya Cauda: Now for something completely different! XD This is one of the very few completely album-exclusive tracks, since I believe all of the tracks on this list have been released with PVs with the exception of this and Gariben Hirose no Shouri. This isn't really a rock track at all - it's a cute little folksy-type song with more acoustic instruments and simple Miki vocals (with the exception of some electric guitar between verses). I like it, though! It's a cute song, it makes you feel like marching through some sunny trees to find some berries or some adventure. However, I do think it can come as a surprise given the vibe of literally everything else. I think you might enjoy it, still!

Gariben Hirose no Shouri (A Geek's Huge Victory): OK, back to rock - this is the other completely album-exclusive track, and honestly? I've come to like it quite a bit. It has that signature nice Mikito J-rock vibe, with some lovely Gumi tuning to go with it. There's not much I can say about it that I haven't said for other songs on this CD, though? Just more of the same good stuff, I suppose. XD However, I really like the end part, where Gumi starts singing some "lalala"'s - something I like about Mikito's rock songs is that some of them feel like they could be played at the end of movies or as ending themes to anime episodes, and this is definitely one such song with the way it plays out.

Sayoko: Ah, this is another famous one. Sayoko is a soft J-rock track about severe depression, and once again uses Miku Dark - I think this is a really brilliant use of her, though, it really fits the song's theme since Miku sounds so melancholic and tired here. The melody is again a bit more understated, but it also really fits. I'm running out of things to say about the music itself XD I really think this song has a great calming vibe to it, despite the sad lyrics…I think someone could find it a great comfort, especially if you relate (like me!).

kiss: Finally, the last track, and the single collaboration on this CD: featuring the great Vocarock producer keeno! Together, he and Mikito form Mikeeno! (I love it when producers do that.) Predictably given their respective work, this is a slow, calm rock ballad about love. Now, I'm not the hugest fan of rock ballads? But I really love this one: the lyrics are really sweet and wistful, the lead guitar is perfect and Miku Dark returns to the gentle sound usually associated with both these producers. If you really like songs like "glow" or the slower songs I've already talked about on this album, you'll definitely love "kiss".

And that, my pals, is the whole CD! Yeah, all in all, for a first album, I think this is an amazing start for Mikito-san and an absolute must-listen if you are an enjoyer of Vocarock. Sure, he isn't the hard-rocking 164 or Utsu, but the soft and atmospheric yet fun and lively tunes by Mikito are incredibly worth hearing. Thanks for reading my first album review, please let me know if you enjoyed it ;v;

now if only I could get this album physically orz

#vocaloid #album review #hatsune miku #mikitop #mikunology reviews

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clark-reviews · 1 year

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Album Review: 👍🏼Recommend

Lana Del Rey, Incense, The #1 Male Sex Toy in the World, and the Auto Play feature on YouTube Music?

The secret recipe for turning people into Taylor Swift fans isn't once size fits all, in fact, when it comes to the moment a talented artist grabs your attention for the first time, I think of it more like a meet cute. Cupid doesn't care who you're with either, he's sneaky like that. I had no intention of listening to "Midnights". In fact, Taylor Swift wasn't even on my Pop music radar until she infiltrated my bedroom solo act, with Lana's masterpiece, "Born To Die", as the sonic backdrop I had consented to.

As though Lana had lovingly snuck Taylor into the room and revealed her as a surprise birthday gift, "Snow On The Beach" auto played right after Lana's album ending track, "Lucky Ones". I have to admit, as though I was audibly blindfolded, when Taylor's track started, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I couldn't tell them apart! "Snow On The Beach" has Lana's red lipstick-stained cigarette butts all over it. She seamlessly weaves in and out of Taylor's (surprisingly) sultry vocal delivery, never taking control of the song. But she's there in the room, the whole time, making sure I'm still okay with this cunning sleight of hand.

My second order of business for the night was to check and see if Lana had just silently dropped an album on me without telling me first. One that included this new song. To my surprise, it's on Taylor Swift's new album!? As a man who appreciates a good musical rabbit hole, I delved further and started "Midnights" from the top. Because "What's the big idea?" and whatnot.

To be perfectly honest, I chuckled at the title of the first track "Lavender Haze". My mind immediately connected it to "Purple Rain" and well... It was a cute moment. I've since read that this album contains Easter eggs, albeit, this may not be one of them. I hit play though and I got smacked in the face with the most uncannily Dua Lipa sounding song on the whole album. This is a good thing though, we like Dua Lipa. And it's refreshing to know that Taylor might have taken some influence from her, and chose to give her a lovely nod to begin the album.

"Maroon" is an interesting track as well, because it's always the second track that sets the pace of an album, in my opinion. Just as a single note isn't a melody until there's a second note to compliment it. In music theory this is called an interval. And in this case, the previous track was in B-flat Major, and "Maroon' is in G Major. Not to get too technical, but this interval the first two tracks created is called a "minor 3rd" (m3). For reference, the first two notes of Moonlight Sonata form a minor 3rd. I already know this album is going to be a little bit sad. And boy did it deliver! Because "Anti-Hero" is in E Major, and we now have a descending diminished arpeggio taking us into the third song. Taylor is building suspence with this track order!

In most albums, you'll find that the third track is almost always a single. "Anti-Hero" comes in loud and clear. Taylor's voice is now front and center with that gorgeous verse melody. The starting lyric is "I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser" and her command of that falsetto on the word "thing" sells the lyric to me at full-price every time. What a mature delivery, to attach to such a doubtful line about oneself, but sing it so confidently. There's something special about this song. It's a song about insecurities, and I'm humbled to hear it sung so proudly. Whatever she was going through, seems now resolved. We enjoy those moments, don't we.

After "Snow On The Beach" we have a few more tracks that seem to explore even further -Taylor's latest pop sensibilities, with "Bejeweled" being the bubbliest one of all. For my personal preference, I wasn't too impressed with it. The song seems a bit crowded with too many lyrics and Taylor seems to breathe between words at odd moments. It's probably more suitable for fans of her previous bodies of work. Let's just say that if "Bejeweled" had played after "Lucky Ones", I wouldn't be writing this review, and I would have never heard one of the most hauntingly beautiful pop songs I've ever listened to, and it's been on repeat since 11:47pm last night...

*Song Spotlight*

That song is "Labyrinth", and it has the honor of a spotlight. Let's listen together.

youtube

If Labyrinth doesn't successfully heal any emotional wounds of yours, then it'll proceed to inflict one, clean it, dress it, and kiss it for you.

This song took me back to 2012. I'd met a beautiful young lady at an airport terminal in Copenhagen on my way back from visiting my mother in Norway. We had a meet cute that led to us spending the next 32 hours holding hands, loitering the airport, waiting for her to tell me to smile again and again, and wishing to never go home. As I finally boarded the flight that separated us, she kissed me on the lips for the first time since we'd met. It was at that moment that "Labyrinth" should have started playing over the loudspeakers. Because in my mind, when I think of that moment, this song belongs to it. This song gave me closure, and I'm grateful.

To close out the album, we have the cleverly celebratory lyrics of "Karma", the rich and sweet nostalgia-inducing "Sweet Nothings", and "Mastermind" could have very well been the first song on the album, because it perfectly encapsulates the lyrical pretenses of every song on this album. She's acknowledging that she's in control of every rushing memory she penned to the sheet, every winding road she willingly drove while sitting in the driver's seat.

Taylor Swift took me on a ride with this album, and I'm inspired to take her up on her next foray into the throws of adult womanhood. I have trust in her now.

#taylor swift #midnights #album review #labyrinth #Youtube

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yjyt85r98r · 2 months

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Aikatsu song reviews: Glass Doll

Song

I like to think of this as the Aikatsu song that gets everyone excited, but I'm sure that can't be true of everyone... it's still an Aikatsu classic and one of the franchise's best works, though. It's heavy enough to appease those who are fans of gothic metal, but light enough to appease those who aren't... I think. Even if it doesn't have metal-style screams and growls, the influence is still there – the song's composer stated that the song was inspired by Dream Theater and Nightwish. And honestly it doesn't need to get any more metal than it is – I'm sure it already scared the kids anyway.

The intro does a great job building up the tension, using a keyboard or synth organ to achieve a very glassy sound, and repeating the same pattern to somehow make the listener feel unease and a false sense of security at the same time. As the glassy pattern repeats, you know it's going to change somehow and get even scarier. Sure enough, the beat drops and the song straight up turns into metal, but it's surprisingly clean metal that's atmospheric but not overwhelming. As the song goes on, the melody takes on a tone more reminiscent of pop-rock, but it still retains the atmospheric heaviness that makes it special.

In a lot of Aikatsu songs, the synth instruments blend in well with the live instruments, but in this song, the divide is quite obvious. The synths (especially the keyboard) have a sort of blocky, computer-y quality that stands out against the more expressive sounds of the guitar and bass. Sometimes it straight-up sounds like video game sound effects. Also, the percussion during the first verse is kind of annoying. I don't know if they were trying to go for the sound of a shutter flapping in the wind or some kind of creepy atmospheric thing or what, but it's just annoying to me.

Personally, I think the guitar 'solo' (technically not a solo since it also has drums and keyboard) is too long, and I found myself getting bored/annoyed before it was even halfway done. But I do understand that a minute-and-a-half guitar solo is exactly what this song needs in order to get the metalheads sold on it. I get it.

Vocals

They're the biggest thing holding this song back from being "true" metal, but honestly, I don't see it as a problem. It's a mistake to assume that all rock songs need powerful vocals. Yurika's voice gives the song a slightly delicate quality that makes the song feel more mature, and Sunao's backing vocals help create a haunting vibe.

In the Juri & Rin version, Rin's vocals are basically what you'd expect, and Juri... wow. She really gives the song a whole new life with her ethereal, emotional singing style. I can almost imagine her singing this under a spotlight while dangling from a chandelier and holding a single wilting rose. Miho sings this song in a way that shows how Juri is both a singer and an actress.

Lyrics

Depression. These are lyrics about depression! I mean, they're also just "gothic sounding" lyrics that convey the image of a vampire rock idol, but they're definitely about a person in distress. There are multiple times when I felt depressed and started crying and then just decided "you know what, it's Glass Doll time". And this song helped me, honestly.

Choreography

They were definitely going for a live rock show feeling... in vibes, not practicality. It looks like something that might work for a real concert, until the performers hilariously start running away from the microphones and just running all over the stage. There are also some unfitting bouncing/shaking movements during parts with a slower, heavier rhythm. Honestly, the choreography is probably the weakest thing about this song, especially with the awkward early CGI and a lot of angles that don't do it any favours. However, I do like the choreography near the end, especially the knocking part.

Visuals

I love the stage design!!! I especially like the bat-shaped chandeliers, wrought iron fence, and blue roses with curling vines. They even had gold bats escape from the Special Appeal and fly around the stage at the end of Yurika's performance in episode 20. The dark stage works really well against Yurika's clear white aura that glows like a ghost.

It's a real shame they never reworked the performance with updated CGI. It would've looked so good.

Good points: Intense atmosphere, good lyrics, reaches a level of hardcore rarely found in children's anime music Bad points: Guitar solo is too long, some instrumentals have a slightly stilted or computer-y quality

Rating: 9.6/10 Personal rating: Also 9.6/10, even though I think I like this song more than most people do.

#aikatsu song reviews #glass doll

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foxes-that-run · 4 months

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https://genius.com/Michael-buble-someday-lyrics

Do you think this is about TS? I feel it might be because of this part:

I remember that love song I sang every word wrong But you didn't mind, no no

Hi Anon, thanks for asking!

The TLDNR is yes, this song references Taylor, with that line about his temper trap tattoo.

Maybe Someday

When was it written

It is one of a few songs he wrote in mid-2014, including I Love You and Just a Little Piece of Your Heart. He had been hanging out with his friend and now manager Jeff Azoff and he was either stretching a creative muscle and/or considering a solo career. He later told Rolling Stone he first suggested a break from 1D late in 2014, about 4 months after writing this.

Harry wrote it with Johan Carlsson (if I could fly) and Meghan Trainor. Meghan said they worked together after "all the base" (June). Harry was in LA on 21-24 July 2014 - when this was likely written. The press mentioned it August 2014. Harry was on tour, he and Taylor seemed more on/ than off Feb 2014 - Feb 2015 (Timeline)

In 2015, when asked if it was for 1D Meghan said it was "a duet between a boy and a girl, so we're not sure yet." She's also said:

"He heard the song and was apparently a fan and a mutual friend told me he wanted to write with me [...] So I walked in with a prepared verse and chorus. But he gave me very poetic, mature lyrics. I was like, 'Well, damn, Harry, you know what love is.'" not like the Harry Styles who everyone is in love with. We finished the song in an hour or two and I love it. I was nervous 'cause I thought he'd be like a Justin Bieber, like 'he's so famous' and love himself, but he was just so normal... I immediately wasn't nervous any more." When asked about dating Harry she responded ‘Everyone I meet is taken. They’re all dating people.

It was released more than 2 years later in October 2016 by Michael Buble with Meghan singing. (How I would love to hear the demo with 2014 Harry's vocals and a Ukulele.)

Lyrics

I love seeing you happy I miss seeing that smile It's been such a long time And although I don't have you I know now that I need to Somehow make you mine And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'Cause I know he can't hold you like I can

Trouble "When I see that smile therе’s trouble"

It's unclear if either was dating someone else in this period. I see this as related to Is it Over Now? "At least I had the decency / To keep my nights out of sight" where they were dating others. To me, these are an indication that they agreed to be together in the future due to the difficulty of dating with their careers. In October, Harry reportedly wrote another song called 'not our fault' that sometimes external things cause a relationship to not work. Harry has mentioned not wanting others to hold her in:

Woman "I hope you can see the shape that I’m in While he’s touching your skin He’s right where I should, where I should be"

Happily "You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep."

Perfect "Or the arms that hold you any time you want them"

TBSL "Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?"

Him "'Cause I don't wanna hear about him / How he is holding you better at night"

[Chorus} Someday maybe when we're old and gray We could be in love once more Till then I won't give my love away Darling, I'm forever only yours

Meghan Trainor said she had written a chorus before she met Harry and he loved it. Harry has also sung about waiting for love a lot:

Satellite "Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in"

Without You "Waiting everyday I don’t wanna wait for you"

Already home "I’ve been waiting, every day since"

Talk "Don't you, don't you wait"

Golden "So you wait for me in the sky"

Oh, I remember that love song I sang every word wrong But you didn't mind, no no And I'll admit that I miss you But only if you do 'Cause you know that I'm shy And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can

Mis-remembered lyrics are a reference to Harry's Temper Trap Tattoo, Taylors arm lyrics and the birthday gift of the hand written lyrics. Harry has also referenced this in Canyon Moon: "She plays songs I've never heard / an old lover's hippie music/ Pretends not to know the words"

Lots of missing, and in FTDT also never being the first to break:

FTDT "Why won't you ever be the first one to break? / Even my phone misses your call, by the way"

Late Night Talking "It's only been a couple of days / And I miss you"

Falling "You said you cared / And you missed me, too"

If I could fly "I'm missing half of me when we're apart"

Without you "Now you’re with him i must admit I’m missing / The part of your skin"

Ophelia "I miss you so, miss you so"

And my lovin' works for you then (it works for you) We've got nothing to lose 'Cause I'm forever only yours (in love once more, once more, once more) No need to complicate it That smile is worth the wait, yeah I'm forever only yours (hey, yeah) Someday maybe, Someday maybe Someday maybe I'll be yours (woah, baby)x2

Similar to not complicating it:

I just wanna love you "I just wanna love you, that's all I gotta say"

Olivia "I love you, it's all I do / I love you"

Similar to forever only yours:

Ophelia "The definition of devotion, baby"

Fine Line "You've got my devotion"

Happily "I just want it to be you and I forever."

End of the Day "She said the night was over, I said it's forever"

#haylor #harry styles #harry styles unreleased

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kaylor · 22 days

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that poll just blew my mind. Almost 30 % feel that everybody should only listen to the new versions ???????? Like I’m sorry but I think we can objectively say that the new versions most of the time pale in comparison to the OG ?? I gotta applaud Taylor’s marketing strategies sometimes cuz the chokehold she has on her fans is creepily impressive sometimes

the cult-like following is terrifying sometimes for real!!!! like i understand if you're late to the party and have no emotional connection to the older songs and they're not baked into your very genetic makeup like they are for us veterans and you prefer her mature vocals, i really do understand! i don't agree with it though. as for the people who religiously go to bat for the new versions out of mindless devotion to a billionaire's imaginary goodwill, there's something really wrong in your brains and i hope y'all get better soon. peace and love ✌️

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captaindanvers89 · 2 months

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Saw the 5H renaissance on Twitter and just gotta say, like Lauren tweeted, “the timeline’s triggering af”.

I grew up listening to those girls. I grew up supporting them. I remember watching their X Factor performances, their interviews even clips of their mall performances. And even though there were many upsides, there were a lot of downsides too.

I’m not going to touch on the messiness of Camila leaving the band because it’s too much to cover.

This is gonna be long cause I’m still mad at Syco for what they did to 5H.

I am a massive Lauren stan and I love her voice so much. I found it super annoying that she didn’t get enough solos (you guys if you’re 5H fans, know which ones) and I noticed how much Lauren changed over the course of 5H’s run.

I’m gonna start with the downsides first:

From 2012 to 2018, you could see how 5H changed for the better and for the worse. And the worse part was their contract.

According to their lawyer; she said that that contract was one of the worst she’d ever seen. And if you followed 5H throughout their run, you would’ve seen it.

I’m gonna start by mentioning Lauren cause I love that woman.

2012 Lauren had a spark in her and you could slowly see the light dim from her and it got especially bad in 2015-16. In the interviews, she always looked tired and wasn’t just her, the other girls too. It was clear that all of them were overworked and as Lauren said “literal slaves” and “they see nothing”. She’s also called out their label for exploiting the band and telling fans to “read their contracts” which should tell you how bad the situation was.

And it also applied to the other girls. For example; 2013 Camila was more joyful and more goofy then you move to 2016 Camila and she became more quiet.

I know you could say that she matured. And yes I agree; she did. But you could see how exhausted she was half the time. I’ll bring up another point as to why Camila became more quiet later in this post.

This just didn’t apply to 5H, it also applied to 1D and Little Mix. Below is a link of how Syco exploited them and just knowing all that made me so sad for them. These were teenagers, 5H especially (Dinah and Camila were 15, Lauren and Normani were 16) and their management worked them to the bone. Some highlights this person in the video talked about included how Dinah had to watch her great grandmother’s funeral over face time because management wouldn’t let her attend the funeral. And another point is that Lauren said in a very recent interview that from 2013-2018, she only went home for 2 weeks a year.

Now that’s insane. I’m mainly bringing up 5H cause like I said, I grew up with them. I was there when things started to go south. As much as I loved seeing clips of the girls goofing around esp when Dinah poured water over Camila and then Camila slipped on stage, it hurts knowing that they were exploited. I know people say 5H had no chemistry etc. But you have to remember that they auditioned as solo artists and were put together in a band. Plus it didn’t help that Camila was singled out, I feel that started the rift between her and the girls.

Anyways, like I said, I am a massive Lauren fan because she’s outspoken about her beliefs and she’s so underrated. If you see videos of her covering for the girls when they couldn’t perform, you know she has the range and the voice. One example I would quote is when she covered for Dinah in Who Are You. Now, I know that was Dinah’s song but hearing Lauren sing her parts gave me goosebumps. The fact that she had to least amount of lines in the Reflection album still pisses me off till this day.

Another point that I would like to make is that Dinah also pointed out that she had to tweak her vocals to make herself sound more pop because the producers told her that her voice was too soulful and didn’t suit the songs such as Sledgehammer or Boss. That’s crazy cause if you watched Dinah perform live, you know that woman has the range and the vocals. She impressed me so much with her X Factor audition and it was such a waste that she was sidelined because she didn’t suit the pop songs.

And another thing that Camila did point out is as that the girls were oversexualized in their songs. Camila and Dinah were 17 when they filmed and recorded the vocals for Worth It. Camila had to sing and I quote “I like it a little rough” when she was a minor. And didn’t help that for the music video; they dolled up the girls to make them look way older than they actually were. I mean look at Dinah, she looked to be 30 when she was 17.

I know some people are gonna debate that Camila could’ve easily turned down that line or spoken up. But you have to remember that their management controlled them. Like Lauren said, if you tried to go against management, they would brand you as a difficult and probably blacklist you. So, the girls couldn’t exactly say no while they were under contract.

Another downside that I would like to point out is that 5H had no creative control over their music. I mean YouTube has some of their unreleased songs such as Voicemail which is a bop and should’ve been on 7/27 and the fans love it. That’s why Camila left the band.

Again, some people might say “if 5H was gonna break up anyways, why didn’t she just pull through?”

And I raise you this, did you see how burnt out Camila was? That poor woman suffered an anxiety attack so bad that she couldn’t perform for half the show. The other girls also couldn’t deal with the exhaustion. Lauren broke down during No Way and Dinah started crying during Brave Honest Beautiful. It was just a huge mess and you expect Camila to suffer another year? Even Ally said in her book that she didn’t enjoy her time in 5H and it was because of the overworking, the fact that people were saying she wasn’t as good as the other girls. Yes, I’ve seen the tweets and the comments which are just awful.

You can’t compare Ally’s vocals to Camila’s or Normani’s, they all have different ranges and voices. You can’t compare Camila’s dancing to Normani’s, they have different backgrounds in dancing and Camila was a little bit less coordinated. You literally cannot compare the girls to each other because they were so different.

And now another point that I would say is a downside would be the shipping. And yes, the ship I’m talking about is Camren. Ngl, I used to ship them only because of the fanfics (you guys know which ones). But as I got older, I realized what Lauren said about the fans being super invasive and you could see how it affected her friendship with Camila. Lauren said it herself on Becky G’s podcast that she felt like a predator and she would hyper analyze her actions. And you could see it, you could see how she distanced herself from Camila because of the shippers (I still IHQ is about Lauren and somewhat about Dinah).

So yeah, when I saw the 5H renaissance trending, that brought me all those memories. But now, time for the upsides.

I said earlier that people say 5H didn’t have chemistry but have you seen their earlier interviews or their twitcams? They were goofing around with each other and just being teenagers because that’s what they were. I know people say 5H weren’t coordinated during rehearsals etc but you have to remember that their rehearsals were rushed. Lauren also mentioned that in her very recent interview so you can’t blame the girls for messing up (Well except Normani cause that woman is the goddess of dancing). Ally still doing a cartwheel while Camila and Dinah do the hammer dance still cracks me up but that was 5H. They were teenagers having fun on stage and it worked. The audience loved it.

So yes, while I did enjoy watching 5H (attended their Reflection tour , 7/27 tour and their self titled album tour) and watched their tour bus videos and interviews, just noticing the changes throughout the years, hurt and it was hard as a fan to see the spark dim from their eyes.

But ever since the group went on hiatus, you can slowly see them healing from the trauma. And I can’t blame Lauren for not wanting to rejoin the band for a comeback. I know she’s grateful for her time in the band and yeah, it helped her grow as an artist and helped her find her path in the industry. The same goes for the other girls too.

I just wish that these artists have a union like SAG-AFTRA to back them up because they are so exploited. This needs to be highlighted more, now that Syco is out of the picture.

The link for the video about how Syco exploited these artists: https://youtu.be/RrG8vqJOZms?si=Kn2ZgxvFM8wsaHyc

youtube

The link for Lauren’s very recent interview where she talked about the industry: https://www.youtube.com/live/5SH_2SKoD7Y?si=IF8KUUmb0nEuk6L5

#fifth harmony #5h #lauren jauregui #camila cabello #ally brooke #normani #dinah jane #little mix #one direction #Youtube

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zerobaseonefics · 10 months

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Give solo albums to your moots !!

BRO I LOVE THIS ONE <3 lemme tell you i started doing it right after you sent it........ i've decided to focus on three person for today, and i might do another part if i ever get inspired for other moots. each album will get 5 songs, that will all be kpop. it could be from boygroups, girlgroups, or soloists. in italic+bold is the title track, and in bold is the btracks.

i did playlists that i'll link for each of them <3

. . . ᥫ᭡ . . .

TEE's solo album 🌻

for tee (@haesunflower), i imagined an album that would be focused on vocals and well-written lyrics. songs that are not too energetic, but still have a powerful side. i also imagine the songs with a lot of english lyrics, so that's why i even add one that it's fully in english. i'll also include featurings with other moots 🤭 i'd say it's an album that would be released in autumn or winter, between late october and january.

💿 . . . 1. remember [original by katie]

2. satellite [original by youha]

3. four season [original by taeyeon of snsd]

4. last dance [by youha]

5. crazy like you (featuring elif @jinkiseason) [chungha ft. bibi]

FAITH's solo album 🧃

since faith (@keiwook) is young, i obviously thought of cute concepts. not only for her age, but also because i picture her as a very sunny and fresh person. so this kind of songs were what i thought of for her. it's an album that would be released at the beginning of summer, or like between mid-april and mid-july.

💿 . . . 1. kiss later [original by yeojin of loona]

2. some [original by bol4]

3. trouble [original by kriesha chu]

4. day 1 [original by red velvet]

5. hype boy (feat ina @trsrina) [original by newjeans]

MISA'S solo album 🦝

hopefully misa gave me informations that helped me in doing this 🤭 misa would have upbeat and fresh songs, but not in the same way as faith. you know, there's a mature side for misa's (cuz they are old). fresh, but not like cute, and there's even kind of a classy side to it. just songs that make people happy cuz that's what misa does <3

💿 . . . 1. underwater [original by kwon eunbi]

2. honey [original by solar of mamamoo]

3. weekend [original by taeyeon of snsd]

4. red lipstick (feat tea @teaxeee) [original by leehi ft yoonmirae]

5. good to me [original by seventeen]

#zerobaseonefics #zumblr #zerobaseonefics: giving my moots solo albums #misa <3 #faith <3 #tee <3

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kensiewritesaboutmusic · 9 months

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Speak Now

The album for every teen in their 20’s, everyone coming of age in their 30’s. This album brings back memories of teenage heartache and the romanticism of young new love. The soundtrack to our youth somehow made new and shiny. Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) was so highly anticipated it hardly needed any marketing or advertisement and this re-record is closest to the original we’ve heard so far. The twisty wordy almost rant-like lyricism still bringing that wonderstruck feeling 13 years later with new whimsy and stronger vocals that still leave you wanting more. After 13 years it’s no surprise Taylor’s voice has matured in a definite way which you can hear in tracks such as Dear John. Being the 5th track you know it’s going to be the most emotional, such as opening a wound that was never fully healed. Re-recording it must have been like having flashbacks of being drafted at 19 into a war you never really asked to be apart of. Lying about your age to be recruited, too little too late to realize the regret this would leave you in because you were so young. If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Would be all I could think of if I was in her place.

The opposite side of Dear John is Timeless, a vault song that truly fits into the Speak Now essence. A recurring theme throughout the album is how time can be healing or romantic the way a young couple romanticizes about the life they’ll build together and keep the memories in a cardboard box. Taylor also writes about how time can be paralyzing and stagnant, how the world feels unmoving when you’re heartbroken and nothing can heal you. Time seems to be a ongoing theme throughout Taylor’s writing. Even at 19 Taylor was capable of writing songs with depth and powerful storytelling. Timeless has to be one of the best closing songs on an album that Taylor has written.

The album has proven to be what we all hope for time and time again, one track after another. It's probably my personal favorite of the re-records so far. This album holds masterful Poetry and hits all the right emotional nostalgia. I can't wait for another re-record!

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boag · 11 months

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15 questions for 15 mutuals

@malibubarbiethepinkprincess tagged me to do this lol thank u qween

1) Are you named after anyone?

My mom actually named me Karma after a rave she went to on her 19th birthday, but my middle name is Renee after her aunt who died young in the 80s bc she had an asthma attack while dyeing her own hair alone at home and stopped breathing bc of the fumes 😭

2) Do you have kids?

No lol

3) Do you use sarcasm a lot?

4) When was the last time you cried?

I cry daily I’m just that kinda girl idk . Earlier I cried a little bit bc I couldn’t find my weed pen

5) What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Vibes

6) Eye color?

Light brown I guess . They usually seem darker than they are but in direct sunlight and photos with flash they’re more like an amber color

7) What sports do you/have you played?

I cheered for football from like age 5 to age 10 .

8) Any special talent?

I’m a pretty good singer!! I used to be a lot better when I was younger and I used to constantly practice and study vocal technique online bc I wanted to sing professionally. My dream at one point was to be an opera performer. Now that I’m an adult my voice has deepened a significant amount and also I’ve been smoking for years and don’t rlly practice or work on technique anymore so my singing isn’t nearly as impressive as it was back then, but I still sing for fun a lot and in some ways I think I sound better now that my voice has matured. I also used to play covers of random songs on ukulele while singing by myself at home when I was younger lol. And I draw and paint too.

9) Where were you born?

South Jersey

10) Scary movies or happy endings?

I hate this question bc they’re not mutually exclusive concepts and also both are good as long as they’re executed well and make sense with the overall point of the movie.

11) Do you have any pets?

Yes! I have a chihuahua named Pandora but I just call her Panda 90% of the time (she was named after the Skins character) and a fluffy tabby cat named Xena who I’ve had since I was nine years old. Also my mom has a chihuahua-maltese mix named Cosmo and he’s like my four-legged little brother .

12) How tall are you?

Like 5’3

13) What are your hobbies?

Doing my makeup and watching movies and tv and microblogging and smoking a lot and FaceTiming people and loving my friends and making art and singing along to music loudly Thanks so much<3

14) Favorite subject in school?

It was ALWAYS history

15) Dream job?

I do not dream of labor but like the best things I’ve thought of maybe doing as a career in the future are probably like… teaching middle school or counseling or smth like that . Or maybe I’ll go to beauty school 🤔

I tag @1892 @lizzyswor1d @evilnicegirl @joaquinscleftlip @b-0-ngripper-deactivated20010911 @computerexploder @sun-lit-goth @yungrapunxelpart2 @carygrantsbeard @holedyke @mrsterlingeverything @boyczar @gavinstrick @g3pony @angelnumber27 but like no pressure lol

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blurredcolour · 2 years

Text

The Hunter's Moon | Part Four

The Hunter’s Moon Masterlist

Summary: As you try to process (and heal from) the events of the night of the Harvest Moon, Austin just can't stay away. Even though he knows better.

Pairing: Austin Butler x Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Language, Discussion of Wounds, Blood, Pain, Undiagnosed PTSD, Allusions to Gun Violence, Supernatural Themes, Mature/Explicit Themes - 18 + Only

GIF Credit: @austin-sbutler

Author’s Note: Inspired by the headcannons of @sassy-ahsoka-tano, written with her blessing.

Song suggestion: Ghost Town Layto & NEONI, Haunted House NEONI

Word Count: 3904

—☽•✧•◐•✧•◯•✧•◑•✧•☾—

Mid-September

Eventually you had made it home, leaving your mangled bike leaning against the garbage bins before hauling yourself up the stairs into the house. You had done some quick reading online on how to deal with your road rash before taking a shower, gently washing the wounds with soap before using up every bandage in your house to cover them.

You did not think you had lost too much blood, but you were definitely sore and exhausted by the time you were finished. The climb up to the upper floor where your bedroom lay had been too much to contemplate and you had slept in the guest room that night, with the aid of painkillers.

The morning had brought some more clarity and you had visited a clinic in Placerville where you were given antibiotics and your wounds were properly wrapped. You had come home with bandaging supplies for the rest of the week and slept your weekend away, eating the emergency Alpha-getti and frozen pizza you stocked for days when you did not have the energy to face a recipe.

You did not even have the headspace to look at your bike, still leaning against the trashcans Tuesday morning, as you climbed into your car and drove into work. You had been able to cover the bandages on your legs and arms with long pants and sleeves, but there was clearly visible wrapping around your palms. The usual daytime patrons had tut-tutted at your explanation of a biking accident, insisting they would drop by later with a casserole or pie for you.

Small town perks. You had become the adopted grandchild of many a book-loving retiree.

You were just preparing the returns cart when the bell above the door chimed. You looked up with a smile to greet whomever it may have been, but found the words dying on your lips as Austin walked in. The pants were leather today. They left very little to the imagination and you choked a little, forcing your eyes back up to his. The stunning blue did little for brain function. Instead, it gave you a tilting sense of déjà vu. Where had you seen eyes like that before…

“Good afternoon” He offered you a soft smile as his eyes, which had been taking in the library and museum curiously, landed on you.

“Welcome to the library” You blurted out, immediately questioning your choice of words, but at least you had managed to vocalize something.

His smile widened and he walked over to the counter.

“I was wondering what this building was…”

You laughed and shook your head. “The decision was made to leave the façade historically accurate, which does make this place harder to find. Usually there are big block letters on the front spelling out ‘Library’.” You had gestured as you spoke and noticed that his eyes were drawn to the bandages on your palms. “Oh…reckless cycling…I’ll be fine in a week.” You quickly explained, pulling your hands back behind the counter.

“I’m so sorry…” He murmured, brows crinkling in…concern? Remorse?

You blinked at him, confused by the statement. He had definitely not been responsible…how could he have been…?

Catching onto your confusion, he had quickly amended his words.

“Sorry that happened. Is it just your palms?”

You laughed ruefully and shook your head. “Go big or go home…I did both. Left a lot of skin on the road and then went home.” You kept the part about a wolf pack and their snarling showdown with a lone wolf to yourself.

He winced, setting his motorcycle helmet on the counter. “That is the reason I keep covered even in this heat.”

You smirked and nodded. “Something to consider when I start biking again in the spring. Have you come in search of a book or are you just exploring the town?”

“I’d say it’s probably both…Is that side the town museum?” He pointed over to the far side of the expansive room and you nodded.

“Would you like the free tour?” You asked, shifting to stand from your stool. Your skin protested as the movement caused the scabs on your legs to pull but you managed to mask most of the wince.

“O…only if it’s not an inconvenience?” He was pulling at his upper lip again, echoing your wince. Apparently, you had not masked it that effectively after all.

“Not at all, I’m supposed to keep moving anyway.” You led him over to the collection of display cases lining the wall in a u-shape, a taller one in the middle filled with mannequins dressed as the founding Lannet family.

“Lannet’s Fall, as it was formerly known, was founded in 1849 by Reuben Theodore Lannet. He settled by the lake while the rest of the homesteaders with him settled up here on the current town site. They, like every other immigrant to California at that time, had come in search of gold. They found copper, instead. Reuben did not live long enough to see the town reach it’s peak, though. He literally fell down the waterfall in the spring of 1857…” You shuddered a little as the words of Udolphia’s journal flashed in your mind.

“Gruesome…” He remarked, looking up from the display case of artifacts in front of him.

You nodded your head and pushed onward with the rest of the spiel. “But his wife and son, Rhett Manfred Lannet, stayed and built up quite a thriving town until the mine ran dry in 1905. Around that time, they tried to make the town a more attractive place to live by rebranding as Lannet’s Falls, but the closure of the mine hit the town hard. Around the 1950s, it became a bedroom community for people working in Placerville who wanted to live somewhere a bit more remote.”

“And these artifacts?” He asked, gesturing at the items encased beneath the glass before him.

“Donated from residents and local business owners. We have items from the Indigenous groups who lived here for centuries before the first settlers arrived, and then pieces from each decade since.”

He nodded, stroking his jaw thoughtfully, asking occasional questions which you were happy to answer before he came to the mannequins in the centre.

“The Lannets…?” He tilted his head and you nodded, looking up at their formal 19th century dress.

You had never had an emotional reaction to the generic representations of the founding family before, but now you felt cold…and somehow attached. Udolphia knew what you knew…what wolves could do…

The warmth of his hand on your shoulder broke your dark train of thought and you looked up at him.

“Thank you very much for the tour. I suppose I will need a library card to take out a book?” He asked gently, as if he knew he was breaking you out of something internal.

—☽•◐•◯•◑•☾—

Austin was worried about you. Had been since he had torn himself away from your side that night. The smell of your blood had felt like a jagged knife pierced between his ribs, twisted ruthlessly to extract the maximum amount of pain.

Everything was his fault. He should have recognized what Toby and his pack were. They had barely tried to hide their true nature as they heckled you up and down Main Street. He had followed you the next day, glad to see that you had sought medical care. He had patrolled the woods around your home, making sure nothing threatened you while you recovered.

He had followed you into town that morning as well, making sure Toby’s pack was busy at work at the garage before he’d found himself back at the front door of the library. He should not have been doing this. Every time you interacted with you, it became increasingly likely you would get hurt…again. But something about you had him breaking all of his own rules. Rules that had worked for over five years.

The way you looked at him made his heart…and other parts of his anatomy…throb. If you only knew. He did not deserve that look, or the adorable way you tried to hide your attraction to him. The bandages on your palms, the wince you tried to hide, were sharp reminders of the monster he was. But the most concerning part of all was the look in your eyes when you thought he was not watching. You were changed…haunted…tainted…and it was all his fault.

Yet still he had stayed, despite knowing better, and signed up for a library card. Helped you shelve the returned books to save you further pain. He had finally forced himself to leave when you closed the library to take your lunch break, a book of poetry tucked into his jacket. He continued his nightly patrols of your property, the daily patrols of town. He read more poetry that week than he had for the past five years. But you were healing…at least externally. He was able sense your continued preoccupation with the events of the night of the full moon. That it was never far from your mind.

He had been looking forward to a quieter day that Sunday, knowing you would be at home. Though the weather had finally begun to cool, the sun was shining, and he had rolled his motorcycle out onto the driveway to give it a thorough cleaning. The process was meditative for him, and one of instant gratification as the dirt washed away. He had dressed in a pair of old grey sweats and a t-shirt, but the sun warmed him as he worked, and he had pulled the shirt off. He had been crouched down, using a chamois cloth to carefully dry every nook and cranny of the now spotless motorcycle, when he heard your footsteps approaching on the side on the road.

He looked up to see you dressed in hiking clothes and boots. That thoughtful, haunted look on your face again.

“Hey!” He called to you warmly, standing up. He definitely noticed the way your eyes drank him in again. You went right to his head.

“Hi” You had smiled in return, coming up the driveway. He could see the blush on your cheeks; the scent of your desire had made him swallow thickly.

“Going to do some hiking?” He asked, tilting his head curiously.

“Yeah, I thought I would hike up the river to the falls. Been meaning to do it for a while now, but it’s been so hot…” You looked over his shoulder, in the direction of the trailhead.

“Yeah? Would you mind if I tagged along?” His mouth was saying things his mind knew it should not but…it was to watch over you. Yes, watching over you. The brilliance of your smile made his heart trip over the next few beats.

“Of course! I would like that.” He watched your tongue run along your bottom lip. “You’ll probably want to change?”

He nodded quickly. “If you give me just five minutes, I’ll drive us to the trailhead to make up for it?” He had hurried inside at your acquiescence, leaving you on the porch swing as he threw on some jeans, boots, t-shirt, and a flannel. He came out carrying two motorcycle helmets, enjoying the way your eyes widened.

“We can take my SUV if you’d prefer?” He had chuckled as your hands reached out to take the silver helmet, and he had slid on his usual black one. He swung his leg over the bike easily, starting it up before shuffling forward on the seat, patting the space behind him in invitation.

As your body pressed up against his from behind, he had realized he had not thought this through properly…if at all. He snapped his visor shut to take deep, slow breaths. His blood was rushing through his veins, rushing to his groin as your scent completely enveloped him. Your body heat soaked through his shirt. Your thighs pressed along the outside of his. Get it together, Butler…

He physically shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts like a etch-a-sketch, before flipping the visor open and turning back to you.

“Ready?” He asked, voice noticeably deeper than usual, rougher.

“A…all set” You had replied, slipping your arms around his waist, pulling yourself tighter to him.

He slammed the visor down again and revved the bike with a white-knuckle grip before taking off at a reasonable speed, not wanting to frighten you. He turned onto the road, driving back up towards town a briefly before pulling off into the parking lot at trail head. There were a couple of other cars parked there already, but it was thankfully quiet for a Sunday.

He pulled of his helmet, raking back his curls in an effort to control them. He reached out for your helmet and was contemplating whether or not to lock them to the bike when you offered to attach them to your backpack.

“Only if I get to carry it.” He had countered, and grinned as you accepted.

You had turned to present the backpack to him, and he looped the straps through the handle at the top before sliding the bag’s straps down your arms and slinging it onto his back. You had started off down the trail and he had followed you happily.

You had fallen quiet again, focused on things you did not dare say to anyone. He had been relieved when he was able to draw you into an easy conversation about what had brought you to Lannet’s Falls, your favourite foods, your family…He accidentally found himself enjoying the afternoon. And the waterfall actually turned out to be quite impressive. He wished he had thought to grab his camera, but a cellphone would do in a pinch.

He followed you up close to the falls, the mist rising from the water soaking into his clothes. It was refreshing, but he was too focused on the way you were eyeing the rocks to notice. He lay his hand on your shoulder gently, turning you to look at him.

“I don’t mean to…pry but If you ever want someone to talk to…” He swallowed at the way your face softened, the way tears snuck into your eyes.

“Thank you, Austin. It’s, it’s stupid really…just reading too many creepy journals.” You had wiped at your eyes and reached for the backpack. “I brought snacks, did you want some?”

The two of you had found a dry spot to sit, eating the cookies and fruit you brought.

“You seriously made these?” He had eaten two already but found himself reaching for a third. It was utterly unfair how good you looked when you blushed at the things he said.

“Old family recipe, but not a secret, if you want it.”

He could tell you were forcing yourself to be present, and he made even more of an effort, regaling you with interesting stories from the set of Elvis until the shadows started to grow longer.

“We should head back before it gets dark.” Your voice had an inflection of fear on the word dark and guilt pricked his heart.

“Of course.” He stood easily and grabbed your hand gently, pulling you to your feet. He turned to grab the backpack from the ground behind him and tense seeing the spiked, elongated leaves. They evoked a stretched-out maple leaf. Aconitum…

“Did you want me to take a turn with that?” You had offered warmly, drawing his attention back to you.

“It’s no problem, I got it.” He gestured for you to lead the way, glancing back at the seemingly innocuous patch of green. It was only a danger to him when it flowered, but to find it so close to home was unsettling to say the least.

—☽•◐•◯•◑•☾—

You had known you were not being entirely fair to yourself as you walked through your backyard the following weekend, in complete darkness. But you were sick and tired of being afraid. Of letting your fear have control over you. Of the pity you could see in Austin’s eyes. He had truly been the kindest human being over the past few weeks, constantly pulling you out of your head where the encounter on the road had been looping on repeat. However, you could tell he felt sorry for you, and you did not want to be that person anymore.

You had to move past this. The night could not continue to hold you hostage. So, you had waited until darkness fell that Saturday. It was not even that late, just before 8:30 pm. Your calendar showed it was a new moon tonight, the stars were at their most brilliant without the competing light source. Intention and reality rarely aligned, however, and you found yourself holding your breath as you walked toward your dock. Your ears were ringing from the strain of aggressively listening for threats. You had frozen mid step as the leaves rustled on the lake shore. Your head had snapped toward the sound until something streaked past your vision.

The scream you let out was ten times louder than the small squirrel warranted. It stopped dead in front of your path, staring up at you before bolting back into the brush. You exhaled sharply, a mixture of laughter at yourself, and an attempt to expel the tension from your body.

“Sorry squirrel...” You had muttered and shaken your head, continuing your progress toward the dock. “Get it the fuck together, this isn’t the fucking Blair Witch Project.” You had scolded yourself under your breath. You were halfway down the dock, eyes focused on your feet, when you heard footsteps behind you. You whirled around quickly, squinting into the darkness as your heart began pounding in your chest again.

“Sorry, I heard you scream and I…”

You exhaled deeply and smiled.

“Sorry Austin, it was just a squirrel…” You apologized as he walked out onto the dock with you.

He was little more than a silhouette, but you felt infinitely calmer knowing he was right there.

“What are you doing out here in the dark?” He asked gently and you looked up at the sky.

“I wanted to see the stars…” You turned back to face the lake, mouth falling open as the lake was so calm it perfectly mirrored the sky.

“That’s incredible...” He spoke your thoughts quietly, as if speaking too loudly would disturb the beauty of it.

In silent agreement, the two of you sat down at the end of the dock, hushed in awe at the sight. You sat side by side, not speaking, just admiring the sky, your thigh pressed against his on the narrow space above the water. It was difficult to say how long the two of you spent there before you leaned back, laying on the wooden planks to look at the sky directly overhead. The chill of the boards soaked through the back of your shirt, making you shiver a little.

He had lain down beside you, shoulder snugged up against yours, his body heat generously radiating to keep you comfortable. You turned your head slightly to admire the vague contours of his profile. You could feel emotion gathering in your chest, like a pot being brought to a boil until the steam eventually escaped.

“You have been so incredibly generous with your time and patient with me and just so kind…” You were surprised to feel wetness gathering at the corners of your eyes and blinked rapidly. “Thank you, Austin.”

He had turned his head to face you properly then, his nose brushing yours. He was that close. You shivered as your skin flushed with heat. You were glad it was too dark for him to properly see you.

His fingers found yours between your bodies, lacing them together, squeezing gently, making your pulse skitter in your throat.

“I just hope…that you’ll tell me if there’s anything else I can do to help…”

You exhaled shakily, your breath caressing his lips. His tongue darted out to lick his lower lip and you swore you could feel the flick of it against the corner of your mouth.

“Au…Austin, you…how are you so fucking lovely…” You murmured, head angled back, lips raised in unconscious offering.

The brush of those velvety lips against yours drew a breathy whimper from you, your fingers tightening his grasp as his free hand cupped the side of your face, your jaw, pulling you in closer to press his lips fully to yours. Your eyes slid shut as your stomach fluttered like a chaotic flock of butterflies. Sighing into the kiss, you brought your own free hand to slide into those blond locks, turning your body towards his. You felt him shift, turning onto his side as his lips parted to lap at your lower lip with his tongue. Emboldened in the dark, drunk on the feel of kissing him, you let your mouth fall open for him, the tip of your tongue seeking his. You hooked your ankle over his, shifting closer.

His hand immediately went around your waist, pulling you even closer as his fingers twisted into the back of your shirt. His tongue welcomed yours, coaxing it into his mouth to slide along his. You moaned hungrily as your lungs burned, forcing you to pull back for a quick gasp of oxygen before he was licking into your mouth again, hand gliding down your back to squeeze your ass experimentally. Your hips canted forward, pressing up against the unmistakable feel of his growing erection. It was his turn to moan softly, a sound that would be burned into your memory.

The report of a rifle shot made both of you jump violently, the intrusive sound bouncing off the surrounding rock, carried back toward you via the glassy surface of the lake. Neither of you moved. Neither of you breathed, until you heard the shrill cackle of your neighbour.

Fucking Jonah Lannet.

“Murderer.” You had muttered bitterly.

He had pressed his forehead to yours, taking deep calming breaths.

“Let me get you inside before that lunatic shoots us.” He murmured and you nodded reluctantly.

He helped you to your feet, grip firm on your hand as he led you back up to your screened-in sunroom. You felt his hold begin to loosen as he wished you a good night and you bit your lip before tugging him toward you, pressing your lips to his in a quick, parting kiss. Just to drive home the point.

You felt his lips curl into a smile against yours as his palms cupped your face fully, prolonging the farewell.

“I’m going out of town for a bit…getting some stuff set up for filming in Ohio…Let me give you my number in case anything happens, ok?”

How he was so caring and considerate was beyond you and you had happily exchanged numbers with him, squinting at the sudden brightness from your phone screens.

“I hope you have a safe trip…” You smiled, trying not to sound too sad that he was leaving. Leaving right after you kissed.

“I’ll be back the week after next.” He smiled softly, seeing right through you, before pecking your lips one last time and disappearing into the dark, heading in the direction of his house.

—☽•✧•◐•✧•◯•✧•◑•✧•☾—

Read Part Five

The Hunter’s Moon Masterlist

Tag List: @karamelcoveredolicity, @mymamalife, @thatonemoviefan, @bxxbxy, @lumosllwyni, @slowsweetlove

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