#i made a deal with myself

[watery-melon-baller]

my favorite part of having a fucked up sleep achefule and being more productive at night is the maniac burst of energy i get around 2-3am which in this case, i am using to speed pack my room

#i made a deal with myself #pack now then u can draw animatic later #as long as nothing stops me i am invincible #lilac post

[rohirric-hunter]

I finally got a half stable job, part-time retail, but they handed me my schedule today and I nearly threw up. Two years ago I bit and clawed my way out of retail specifically because I couldn’t bear to work that kind of schedule anymore, but after eight months it’s the only job I can get and I gotta have money, but I get actually nauseated every time I think about it

#orientation was earlier today and it was just red flags so many red flags #nothing unusual for retail but like i havent worked retail in two years #i finally got away from all that #also the specific position i was hired for was 'head cashier' #which at this company doesnt mean i will be cashiering #it means i will be standing around criticizing the way the actual workers cashier #this is what they told me when i asked what the job would entail #in different words of course #thats not a real job #i made a deal with myself #3 shifts #3 normal non training shifts #if it is anywhere in the realm of as bad as i expect it to be ill quit on the spot #but right now im just hyperventilating and crying #the problem with the schedule is that i have both closing and opening shifts #not consecutively which makes it better than most retail #but like #i cant do that #i have to work either in the morning all the time or in the evening all the time #i cant do both #nobody can not really #its not sustainable #and im sorry but its not like a job where that needs to be the case #its just fucking retail #they could easily give people regular shifts and they choose not to #why do they choose not to! theres no reason!!! #i gotta go calm down but theres no way to calm down #theres no proper distraction #ive applied to so many warehouses and construction companies and what have you #and they wont hire me! i get no interviews!

[stil-lindigo]

prodigal son.

a sort of epilogue for God of War Ragnarok, since I miss these two so much.

support me on patreon

#these two occupy so much of my brain space and will continue to do so forever more #the way cory barlog managed to transform kratos from your standard killing machine into a layered loving father #whose character is centered around bettering yourself for the sake of your children #absolutely magical #and ragnarok #good god that game made me cry so many times #i miss kratos and atreus so much #and apparently ragnarok was the last of the norse games? #so this is how i deal #i give myself closure by manifesting it into existence #they have great stew btw #kratos atreus and mimir #two dads and their teenage son #god of war #ragnarok #gow ragnarok #kratos #atreus #mimir #comic art #i have so many feelings ugh #thank you for reading #stillindigo art

[omtai]

got too crazy last night & made a fake Gerard Fangoria cover... 🧛‍♀️

📸: Jess Gleeson

#omtai art #mcr #mcrsydney #i had a dream i got a cease and desist from tumblr if i posted this... #But its literally fine and nobody cares and jimmy from fangoria said its fine #my brain so wack #anyways. making this was so so fun #the bordering on the logo is really fucky btw so dont look too hard at it #cuz i couldnt find a highres vector anywhere so i had to screenshot the svg off the site 😭 & then magicwand it #but the site didnt have the border so i had 2 add it myself #and its too thick and wraps weirdly but Deal with it i dont have photoshop i made this in csp #also god bless the people at mcrchive for making clean drumhead writings. i was fully prepared to just do it myself #i did for the 'in the swarm' tho its really hard trying to digitally mimic drip markers... #i wanted to put the guys in the boxes on the side but the photographer didnt post any photos of frank #if they took any #and it was like 4am at that point i dndt wanna go hunt for a frank photo from that night #So this is the gerard solo cover. enjoy #blood

[lemongogo]

sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999

#trigun #trigun maximum #elendira #elendira the crimsonnail #my art #im sure u can see it but ive been so uninspired w art lately T_T #ive tried to remedy it by just looking and observing. breaking down other works that i want 2 take direction from #but i tjknk its like . just jamming ME UPPP #and now im tjinking Too much ab it and psyching myself out #help me sorry i blow up the tags on every drawing i post ab my art struggles😭😭 #its like im whispering in here thouggh. just talking 2 myself and no one has 2 know except the ppl dealing w the same feelings #HAJAHA #anyways. i drew this just to say i finally drew smth agajn and im just going to be ok w it #like sure its not exciting but i like the colors and that shld be enough . OK !!!! #smth smth saw a post that talked ab how u get too in ur Head about this and then u dont share stuff and it becomes cyclical #and youll never get anywhere unless u just throw ur hands in the air and let it Be . #creating 4 the sake of creating . love and joy in sharing what we made and what we like #YAAAY #and bc i love elendira so much.. my go to girlie 4 art block #i need to draw her in fight scenes . i need 2 make art of her like sweaty and bloody yah . clenching my fist #maybe a livio fight scene bc i love it so much T_T

[pinkd3mon]

I just wanted an excuse to draw my Galacta with a cape propaganda

#kirby #kots #kirby of the stars #kirby fanart #taranza #galacta knight #i think galacta would look cool with a dimensional cape #and it would be fluffy because of their fluffy wings #i know they're supposed to be an angel but common you cant take galacta bird away from me #im just a lil guy its my birthday #i originally made this for galacta's birthday but i slowed down when it was obvious i was not gonna finish it anywhere near that #taranza is a close friend of galacta knight in my mind and you just have to deal with it #galacta asks taranza where did he get the cape and he's like 'i got it from meta knight!!!' #galacta just looks at him unimpressed #and taranza then admits that he actually asked dedede to secretly ask meta knight and that's basically the same thing #meta knight still isnt used to galacta being not murderous so he won't help them if he can help it #meta knight has trust issues #i promised myself i wouldn't mention meta knight if i didnt draw him but im an unreliable narrator #i think dedede and galacta would get weirdly along #ok im gonna stop bye this is really self indulgent

[journal-from-the-heart]

i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal

#like. recently i’ve been reflecting a lot on this trauma i have with this absolutely godawful english teacher i had in grade 7 #he was an absolute creep and even though he never touched me i knew he touched other girls and made even creepier comments to them #than he did to me. and i never really had time to fully understand the gravity of the damage he did to me because i was #so focused on the fact that it could’ve been worse and he never even actually touched me or got that close to me save a few times #but yesterday as i was reflecting on this i finally got myself to admit. i was terrified of him and i was terrified for every fucking minute #that i spent in that class. and i was a child who never should’ve had to deal with that and it’s clear that i still have a lot of problems #from that whole event. and the more times i repeat that and get myself to understand it. the more i’m able to be compassionate to myself now #and patient with myself in the things i struggle with as a result of what happened #childhood trauma #trauma #cptsd healing #cptsd recovery #cptsdawareness #trauma survivor #trauma recovery

[strangerinthelight]

Thought a little too hard about if Loki and Mobius were reunited and finally had what they wanted, and were then torn apart once again by some insurmountable force, and I honestly have a feeling that if Marvel ever brought them back that’s exactly what they would do

#giving us what we want only to rip it away from us just seems fitting. you know they would #I made myself sad over a hypothetical again womp womp #I’m honestly scared of a Lokius reunion because what if they mess it all up and then I just have to deal with that? #I miss them enough where I’d rather have no new content than for them to do it poorly #loki #lokius #mobius #loki series #loki season 2 #marvel #loki s2 #loki finale #really taking the Lokius legions weakest soldier title seriously

[stardustdiiving]

Kaeya when he has to function around the existence of the brother he mourns his relationship with due to a volatile hurtful falling out born out of the crushing guilt he has about his own existence: 😎

Kaeya when he gets told he’s descended from the founder of the abyss order & deflects feeling any attachment or emotional conflict over his past: 😎

Kaeya when ppl arguing make the child he cares about sad for .2 seconds (he cannot bear the sight of Klee being subject to the confusing & seemingly pointless pain of familial conflict that he is so familiar with when (unlike himself) she does not deserve to have to accept it & learn to endure it all on her own):

#Kaeya #Klee #genshin #ragbros #<— by technicality #Genshin 3.8 #I’m so stressed out over my boy #praying my kaeya take is correct I dont consider myself a kaeya expert #but my vibe from him is I think the concept of childhood innocence n the loss of it kind of torments him #guy who probably always felt like he lacked it as a child but also continuously lost it more as he got older #so perhaps seeing a child be sad & not know how to handle smthng you made urself learn to deal with n feel #depressingly used to the concept of invokes an emotion bc it’s like ohhhhh that’s like how I used to be but also so much better n worth more #than I think I ever wassss #fern.txt #fandomferns

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[moongothic]

...I... I do not know what on earth compelled me to make this nor why, but I will not be taking criticism at this time

#Moon posting #Break Week is rough y'all #Please I just needed to shitpost a little let me have this #OP Meta #I know this chart is incomprehensible you just have to accept it for what it is #No I was kind of thinking to myself it was kind of funny how of the OG Shichibukai half of them are either dads or borderline dads #And I was like. Can I make a chart of this. Can I make a Dad Chart of the Warlords. #I don't know why I made this nor what to do with this information but. Sure. Let me yeet this out. #Kuma is the Dadliest Dad to Ever Dad in One Piece. Moria canonically adopted Perona when she was little. We love the OG Goth Dad #Crocodad is real TO ME but if nothing else he does have the energy 100%. It's just short of Canon Confirmation at this point #Mihawk is a weird uncle to me. He has no dad energy. This man does not fuck. But he'll look after some kids (Zoro & Perona). Sure. #Blackbeard is like the opposite of Mihawk. He has never looked after a child but I'm sure he has spawned a bastard or two or three #(He may be a father but he is not a Dad) (But canonically as far as we know BB has no kids yet so I'm putting him in Not A Dad) #Jinbei is the new Token Father of the Strawhats according to Oda and so I'm putting him where he is based on that. Also vibes #Law's where he is kind of for similar reasons as Jinbei. This boy is too young to be a dad but dealing with Luffy gave him a few grey hairs #Doflamingo did arguably watch over Buffalo and Baby 5 as those two grew up so he's The Most Qualified in that square #Weevil is baby #Hancock could have Dad Energy in the right circumstances. Like she has THE POTENTIAL #Buggy does not fuck #...Thinking about it I probably should've switched Hancock and Buggy's placements on the chart but whatever it doesn't matter

[aftg-rot]

#OK I AM ONLY UP TO CHAPTER 3 but my theory is jean has attempted before or threatened to attempt and he made a deal w kevin #if this isnt it i am head cannoning it for myself #and i will write a fic #aftg #all for the game #mine #nora sakavic #kevin day #jean moreau #the sunshine court #tsc #the sunshine court spoilers

[notweirdjustrandom]

Part 1: The main game

[Part 2: The DLC]

Finished playing the DLC and made some comics based from some of my experience. 

So might as well post these ones from back in 2017 too lol.

#cuphead don't deal with the devil #cuphead #mugman #king dice #the devil #doodle #my comic #short comic #my art #2017 #originally made in 2017 #never post it here #i swear i'm not that bad at cuphead lol i played most of the game by myself until the bee&the robot... #my friend's catchphrase: 'i'm a dark souls player' #lol #edit: a late change for 'single player' to 'solo player' bc i just think solo sounds better #sorry for everyone who already reblog. english isn't my first language!

[uncanny-tranny]

Crochet/knit life hack: If you crochet or knit a big, fluffy blanket, you can cuddle under it when you finish while you make other projects

#art #fiber art #crochet #knit #i'm doing this right now!! #this blanket is in my FAVOURITE COLOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! #i'm kind of iffy about the yarn itself but it's really soft and again in my favourite colour so i will deal with it #i'm just excited because i feel like i find few things readily available in this deep golden/mustard yellow. it's sad tbh #like of COURSE i can order yellow things but that doesn't mean it's the same yellow irl as it is in a store do you get me? #that's why i don't really want to buy yarn online because the colours could look different on the site versus in my hand #it's actually amazing to me that i can make a blanket and my hard work will keep me warm... #(well also the hard work of the people who made the yarn but i did also do my part) #i'm going to start calling myself a cozy crocheter (i'm making a lot of cozy-themed projects lmaoo)

[seveneyesoup]

ngl i’m still worried. like i Do have complete faith in ncuti gatwa but what i Don’t have is much faith at all in rtd’s writing about race

#which id managed to sort of convince myself was maybe #it’s been like 15 years he’s had time to learn better #but the comment Immediately about ‘different colors’ in todays ep #and w the toymakers past. #i’m hoping for the best i really actively am but i’m hesitant #not even writing about race just writing that has anything to do w it #i will never forgive him for martha jones #and my cynicism is saying bringing dt back for three eps and specifically being pretty good about trans people and disabled people #is a good favor investment so he can keep a progressive image and get away w racism #i don’t actually believe that for the record #i’m just worried ncuti gatwa is gonna have to deal with Some Bullshit that’s gonna get blamed on him instead of rtd yk #which is bad for him bc it means a bad working environment and also like. taking the blame for something he didn’t even do #or that if he pushes back on something bad he’ll get branded as difficult to work with etc #anyway. worry once suffer twice or whatever and i think i said all this when the announcements were made #it’s just on my mind again #i want the best for the show and the people making it yk?

[puppyeared]

people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping