I haven't posted in a long time.
My anxiety and depression have backslid a lot in the last year. My social anxiety and agoraphobia are particularly out of control.
I have fallen out of producing fandom content, frankly because I have been too afraid to. Fandoms have become a lot more charged than they were when I was younger. I keep trying to get into new fandoms that I hope are less problematic only to stumble across the same patterns, up to and including someone being harassed and told to 'kys' repeatedly over fandom drama to the point of ending their own life.
But being isolated is hard. I haven't stopped making content I just... Stopped sharing it. I don't really know what to do, or if any followers I have here are even still active. I got back into JoJo's and expected most of the discourse to be more 'gay vs not gay' type stuff but some parts are... Really, *really* bad. Worse even than KH. And inconsistent! Censoring myself to fit some fear mongering anti's agenda seems like an anathema, so I just haven't posted anything, even the stuff I have I know isn't problematic.
To me the 'right' thing to do would be to post anyway and stand up for a censorship free Internet and community, but I'm afraid that, especially right now, I just don't have the resilience.
I guess I'm asking people more in touch with a 2024 Tumblr what they think. If it's even worth it. What tools there are. I've spent half the day blocking hate in a tag and trying not to panic about it. As an actual abuse survivor, seeing some of these accusations fly over such inane things is just... Disheartening. Especially knowing my abusers will never be prosecuted, but I'm getting accused of those crimes by trying to cope through artistic expression.
Also if there is anyone interested in some of the 'problematic' ships I've tagged, please give me a ring. I might try finishing and posting some stuff after all of it will actually make people happy. But after seeing witch hunt posts calling for people to haze or blacklist certain crators? It's just... Really scary.
But I'm so tired of being alone.
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I miss when the MCU felt magical and groundbreaking and happy and new and exciting. I really really miss it. I miss the era of MCU where every avenger had one floor to themselves and Clint Barton hid in the vents. I miss Steve learning how to use technology.
I just want it all to feel new again.
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Here’s my phone set up :D I think it looks rlly kewl
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F1TV on quiet days at work is heaven 🫶🏼
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Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood spring 2012 ready-to-wear
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