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bonny-kookoo · 2 years

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Taehyung: Tiny Gentleman

In which Taehyung is constantly too early for his dog's grooming appointments- too often to be accidental. Maybe it's just his hectic life- or maybe, just maybe, it's the teeny tiny crush he has on you.

Tags/Warnings: Idol!Taehyung, foreigner!Reader, kim yeontan as cupid, slight language barriers and misunderstandings, Taehyungs superior english skills, mutual pining but mc is scared to read too much into things

Additional Chapter Warnings: he's crushing so bad it's not even funny (it kind of is though)

Chapter length: medium

Languages are marked as: English / Korean

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Kim Yeontan can be.. Quite a character, you've come to learn over the past couple of appointments.

He comes in every four weeks, and while most Idols tend to ask for home visits rather than public appointments, Taehyung comes in like he's any other person. You always make sure to schedule his appointment last, so there's the least chance of someone recognizing him, and breaking the news out, which would lead to the salon getting flooded with people in no time- but there's an issue.

He's always way too early.

At first, you just thought he wanted to make sure he could leave his precious dog in your care- some people have a tendency to question your abilities based on you being a foreigner. You've accepted that judgement; it's not a big deal to you anymore. But then he'd started to turn up earlier and earlier- making you question what his thoughts behind that action are.

Does he not trust you? Does he want to test the boundaries of making a public appearance? You're unsure, and hesitant to ask. It's not like you've got anxiety; but he's Kim Taehyung. Anybody would be nervous to utter a word to him.

And also; your korean is barely decent at best.

Now, technically, you're better than that. After all, didn't just get your job here for nothing- you understand the language almost fluently, and what words you don't know don't matter because you've learned to connect the dots by context. However, when your nerves set in, it's like your ability to speak the language just goes straight down the drain- only language left in your brain being english at best.

And it's not like he talks to you either.

Now, that's normal for other costumers too. They simply assume you don't understand them anyways, and try to navigate in english- and by now, you've gotten too tired to explain the whole language situation over and over again. He usually doesn't need to say anything at all anyways- you know who he is, what he's here for, and nothing else matters apart from that.

You're just leading the big leonberger called Bear back to his owner- the lady instantly cooing at her overgrown puppy eagerly wagging his tail while she praises your work under her breath- when you see him walk in. He bows politely, before sitting down on the side, watching the interaction.

You can learn a lot about a person just by seeing them interact with animals, he's come to learn.

Even the biggest dogs dont seem to scare you; barking leaving you unfazed, a snarling husky once turning into a lapdog just after a few minutes. The dog had never been to a groomer, but needed an urgent appointment- and you've taken the time to sit down and get to know the scared dog first, before earning trust and the ability to work on the pretty wild dog just fine. "They don't speak human, and I don't speak dog." you'd told the owner, who's been an american guy in his mid 30's. "so it sometimes takes a bit of effort on both ends to understand each other."

He'd looked up later what you've said in korean- and his crush on you only deepened.

Now, at first, he simply thought you were pretty. You didn't fit his personal aesthetic what he usually looked for, but instead created a new standard for him. The way you looked, behaved, even talked- he started to think about it during the day at random times when his thoughts would wander around. Then, Yeontan's original groomer had called in sick- and you'd offered to take over the appointment instead.

This was when Yeontan showed his more spoiled side.

You'd already assumed that the pooch must be living the high life; so it wasn't a surprise when the little gentleman tried to bite after your hand the first few times. He remembers embarrassment, and how he'd scolded him- only to be cut off by you simply sitting down with the little dog as well, taking your time to earn his trust.

Since then, Yeontan simply decided that he'd rather have you now than anybody else.

Right now, he's waiting for you to finish the procedure with the big leonberger and his owner- uncaring of the fact that if you looked to the side at any second, you could catch him stare. He wants to talk to you so badly, but his trust in his own english skills are basically non-existent at best; it's his biggest issue.

When the woman turns to leave, you turn to the big dog one last time, petting it's head and holding it with a smile. "You're so handsome!" you happily exclaim, and in a weird way, he's a little jealous you say that to the dog- and not him.

He's really down bad.

"don't cause too much trouble you big bear now, alright?" you giggle, before waving them both off- Yeontan growling in his lap a little, as if he shares the green feelings with his owners. "someone's got an attitude today." you tease a little at that, and while he knows you mean the Pomeranian in his lap, he feels oddly called out; having taken more english lessons these days to improve his understanding. You mumble a lot to yourself, and he wants to know what exactly- and he's glad that his intense studying is paying off.

"he.." Taehyung starts, making you lift your head from the table where you've crossed out today's appointment, making him nervous. "he, uh.. Jealous." he says, before scolding himself internally for not using the right word. Of course right now his brain has to do this.

"Oh Tannie!" you say playfully dramatic, walking over to the dog in question who instantly sits up and wags his tail once he realizes you're addressing him. "you'll always stay my favourite!" you say, and Taehyung basically melts at your adorable accent.

"you speak korean?" he asks, and you turn a bit red at the close proximity you've only noticed now, stepping back a bit shyly.

"a bit." you admit. "but.. Turns bad when nervous." you tell him, making him smile underneath his facemask. your can tell by his eyes he does- how they turn happy, excited even.

"no- my english, always bad." he says to you. "your korean- well. Many good." he says, and you can't help the giggle that escapes you, before he let's his dog jump down from his lap so he can stand up. It reminds you now just how much taller Taehyung is- and how small he makes you feel, not just physically. His designer clothes, styled hair, perfect skin- he really is a celebrity.

"no no, your english is fine. It's cute-" you start, taking the leash from his hand, before you suddenly bow in shame. "oh god I'm sorry I didnt-"

"thank you." he instead replies, still smiling. "you- cute too." he confesses, making your brain stop functioning for a second.

He decides that he doesnt care if his english sucks anymore, if a simple compliment like this will get you flustered like that.

"pretty, too." he goes on, and you laugh, waving him off before taking his dog to the back room to start your routine.

"your dad is really bold sometimes." you mumble to the dog who's simply looking at you with interest as you work in the shampoo into his thick fur. "too bad he's an Idol.." you huff, carefully turning on the water, before filling a cup and pouring it over the small body. Yeontan is one of those dogs who hates the showerhead- but you've come to learn that it's simply the noise that bothers him, not the water. "you think he actually thinks I'm pretty?" you hum out, unsure. "he's probably just practicing. His fans like those flirty comments, I guess.." you chuckle to yourself, before you finish rinsing Tannie's fur, getting ready to dry him off and begin the rest of his routine.

Outside, Taehyung very much hears your personal monologue. He'd thought his comments would work in his favor- but it seems as if you're heavily doubting his intentions with you. He can't blame you, and at the same time he's glad you're not throwing yourself onto him like so many others. It shows that you're a realist- it also makes him feel even more attracted to you.

Jungkook had once explained to him that the best thing about his relationship with his girlfriend was, that she didnt see him as anything other than Jeon Jungkook, not BTS Jungkook. She held him accountable for his actions, brought him back down to earth if he ever lost touch with what's going on downstage- and Taehyung starts to understand the appeal in that. You're well aware of his profession, you know the risks and problems it brings- it shows in how you schedule him and Yeontan, how you avert attention to yourself if he's in the room, how you talk to yourself about all of this. And yet, you don't seem to be chasing for any sort of proof to post on social media that he's right here, giving his precious pet into your care. He'd expected at least a request for a shoutout or something- but no attempt was ever made.

You dont want a piece of his worth, it seems.

Maybe you don't even want him at all.

But he has to know if he has any chance with you. He's dropped his own collar held by the company long ago- so when you bring out his happy puppy after you're done, he takes up all his courage, and-

"I want date." he blurts out, having his facemask pulled down underneath his chin, holding onto his dog for dear life. "with you." he specifies, and your eyes are wide open like a deer caught in the headlines.

"I-" you start, before your eyes break away from his intense stare, looking around anywhere but him. "I uh.. That's sweet, but, I don't really do.. I don't think you have a cat, you know." you say, using the slang for asking for a one-night-stand. Its now his turn to become a bit embarrassed- shaking his head.

"no no, date. Real date." he says, determined. You've only said you dont want a hit-and-run; you've not said you don't want him at all, so he keeps trying. "eat. Talk. Together. My place?" he asks, and you squirm a bit in your spot, before chewing on your lip. "No funny business, I swear." he says, and you decide he's being genuine.

"...ok." you say, and his entire expression turns brighter than the sun. "but- why?" you ask, and he shrugs, now smug and empowered by having scored his date.

"because-" he starts, taking out his phone, so you do the same to exchange contact infos. "-you? Pretty. Nice. Sweet. He like you-" he points to his dog in his arm, before he points at himself. "me like you too." he explains, and you can't help but smile to yourself, nodding.

You like him too, no doubt.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #taehyung imagine #Home!Taehyung

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caramelmochacrow · 7 months

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hey. im sorry but i need to just. spill this because it's sorta been in my mind for a few months, not outwardly, but a feeling i finally realized when this term ended.

(a vent about myself under the cut, sorry.)

i really hate how much im separated and need to hide myself from people. even if it's something simple and dumb to hide.

like, will you believe me if i say i need to keep my love of math from all of my classmates? everyone in my class hates it, they complain all the damn time and im the only one who genuinely enjoys math (even though i get frustrated with it sometimes). everytime i say "i love algebra!" or "i love graphs!" they look at me as though i am a liar or im some sort of freak. even my friends, they tell me to shut up when i say it out loud even though i dont say anything when they say they want our math teacher to die or they complain about something i like about math. (which kinda hurts me as well lol)

i understand the dislike for math, i disliked it before, but saying you genuinely want our teacher to die just because she teaches a subject you dislike is fucking dumb. i was starting to unlearn that, but now im starting to relearn it, which isnt helping myself at all. (i really want to tell them off about it, but i dont want to also.)

there's also my love of music that i've complained here before once, i need to keep it quiet because when they hear someone likes anime or j-pop they think im a weeb that's obsessed w anime men and want to see them butt naked. i hate it. i hate when i listen to rock, i hate when i listen to metal, but i love it so much i cant. i don't even listen to music in school anymore because i feel so self conscious about it. i feel that i'll be judged at and be seen as some sort of weirdo that they'll whisper about behind my back.

there's also the glaring obvious fact that im very-gay-for-girls-but-also-a-transguy. im in an all girls school, but there are a few non-cis people here for semi obvious reasons. i dont feel comfortable being out much for obvious reasons and i feel miserable here. most of the people here are actually chill w the trans people in my school but some just love asking uncomfortable questions like why they were there instead of the boys school or about their names. it freaks me out. it scares me. it makes me want to never come out and be myself. there was this time today when i was in my business class and made my nickname for this game 'birdboy' which led to my teacher asking why i used boy rather than girl, which led to me and my friend (another non-cis person and one of the people i came out to) saying that it just flowed better and not because i was a transguy. that teacher was surprisingly chill w trans people being in her class though, she asked my friend his preferred name and started calling him that, there's also another friend of mine in that class and she's also chill w him and his name, so i think she's ok.

other than my gender, there's my sexual orientation, which im not even sure on. i like girls, girls are can be pretty and handsome, but if i said that, they would hate me for being gay(?), which is also terrible because most people in my school are homophobic, yay. i got asked once for no fucking reason and without prompt if i liked girls or boys and i fucking panicked and said i didn't like either, which led them to asking if i was straight or bi (didn't even say lesbian, smh) which i also denied because i didn't rlly liked men anyway (what they got for not saying lesbian) and also didn't want to say i was gay(?) to my entire class before a fucking we went to our social studies class. i was so fucking scared when they asked that.

like, my school is accepting of queer people and lets them wear what type of uniform they like (except for me because my mom filled out my form for me which didnt let me put my preferred pronouns and kind of uniform) but it feels so hard to believe with the amount of hate towards specifically those who aren't fem presenting. it makes me feel torn apart with if i want to be who i want to be or be hidden behind this false version of myself that ive been hiding behind for almost my entire life. i feel so terrible.

i feel so disconnected from people of my own culture as well. i suck at tagalog, i know how to talk in tagalog, but i speak like a little five year old. every time i speak to other filipino people, there's a disconnection, there's a thing i dont understand or know about my own culture. i feel like some sort of failure as a filipino person.

im better at english than tagalog, so that means i must be fine, right? no. not at all. other than the other stuff i said above, they dont use american english, the one i learned. and since i lived my entire life in the philippines, i dont know some stuff in new zealand. they get shocked when i dont know something that is pretty much so well known here, when i dont know the british equivalent of an american word or when i dont know any maori words. i feel so fucking dumb every time it happens.

i just hate how much i dont know and how disconnected i feel from the world and those around me.

#vent tw #vent cw #venting cw #venting tw #transphobia tw #transphobia cw #sorry there's probably a lot i need to tag that idk yet.#but.... eugh.#i think that's the main stuff that could trigger people #again im sorry i just needed this out of my thoughts.

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rein-ette · 1 year

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Okay I know its been a while but everytime I come back into hetalia I just fall in love with your England relationship chart every time!! Its so good!!! I love the little things like the same time he's married and deeply in love with Portugal he's getting his back blown out by Spain his husbands brother like wgrgshegqgsy sorry 😭 its just a great chart I love it!! But I was wondering if you can would you be able to tell us your own hc for his relationship with people like China, Russia, the nordics? Its okay if not!! Again I love all your England hc!! :^)

OKAY i was going through (one of my many) hetalia withdrawal phases and being crushed by work but now that im on break I just had to answer this ;-; thank you so much for loving my content enough to send an ask even though I've been dead for so long ;;-;; <3

I cant guarantee the quality of these hcs (when could I ever) but here are some of my thoughts on England and China:

I must say to start off that being ethnically Chinese and having grown up in Tianjin, I deeply disagree with Himas portrayal of China, so lets just forget that ever happened~ :,)

So what do I think China’s actually like? Its impossible to summarise in a couple words, but my overall impression has always been that he is simultaneously a very warm and very cold person. In fact, perhaps its best to say hes a reverse tsun? In this sense he is in some ways the opposite of England — with acquaintances and colleagues he is courteous and good-humoured, with friends he is generous and lively, with family he is fussy and scolding — but with almost no one is he truly honest or vulnerable. This trait means everyone who have known China can be generally split into two groups — those who are completely comfortable with his mode of interaction and either aren’t interested in his inner thoughts or don’t mind not knowing everything, and those who are made distinctly uncomfortable by his inscrutability.

I would say England belongs more to the second group. As pointed out, this is because in this sense they are opposites. Arthur prefers to come across as respectable, serious, even cold when it suits him, but is actually a warm-hearted and deeply passionate man. Even as he puts on his front, he hopes to be understood. China, on the other hand, is not at all interested in being seen through. Perhaps people will understand if I say he is much like France in this sense — for them, good humour is both a basic and essential form a respect towards others and a shield, which obscures that which is truly important to them. England, despite all his scheming, has little patience this kind of emotional obfuscation. When it comes down to it, England would much rather get to the point and either reach a mutually beneficial agreement or come to blows, so the fact that he feels China is often not being entirely straight with him is at best unsettling and at worst infuriating. When he was younger (and brasher), this sometimes led to loud declarations and privateer-style chair-kicking (think Opium War era, where Arthur thought he was absolute shit + a healthy dash of racism), which was always met with either disdainful silence or barbed comments. As he has matured, he has grown to respect both China’s grace as a host as a virtue in and of itself, and his emotional reservedness as a sound political/diplomatic strategy, though he has not gotten over his personal discomfort.

For his part, China views England very objectively, with no particular positive or negative emotional attachments. One might think that because the Opium Wars and general Western arm-twisting brought to an end China’s monarchy and to some extent its glory age as a world power, he might harbour resentment towards Arthur. But — and here is where I draw from actual personal experience for my hcs — most Chinese dont have any particular feelings of anger towards Europe or America, as opposed to the way they might feel towards Japan, for example. In fact, China admires and acknowledges Europe and England has having become very “refined,” artistically and technologically innovative, and generally sophisticated. Personally, I don’t like thinking of human development as being linear and of any culture as reaching a higher level of sophistication than any other, but there is definitely this feeling in China that Western culture has “become” something worthy of respect. While he once might have been angry, and he certainly found many of England’s methods in the 18/1900s boorish and distasteful, overall for China the strong dominating the weak is a political reality, and in the 1800s he was weak.

I want to emphasize here that just because I characterise China this way, does not mean that I personally approve or disapprove of these worldviews. I have always hesitated to write about him, a country that I love and am arguably more familiar with than Europe, because of the imminently political implications, but I’m answering this ask now because I think not doing so is also doing a magnificent and deeply complex country a disservice. Hetalia is eurocentric enough as it is. I want to do my part to correct that, and it makes me happy that there are people like OP who are interested enough to listen. Thanks again for the ask — I hope it met your expectations!

#historical hetalia #my hcs #hws england #hws china #a big thank you as well to everyone else who has continued to interact with my work despite this long hiatus #i do see them and i am very grateful

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redheadbigshoes · 1 year

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I just sent in an ask but another thing came to my head-

I feel like there is just this... brainwashing that happens to almost every afab person that Men are just a requirement. I have a friend who is bisexual, and for literal years she would always complain about how she *has* to date men and *has* to deal with them and- No!! You don't!! Even if you were het and exclusively attracted to men, no one is forcing you to date then!! Or even be around them!! You can be single, you can date women, or nonbinary people!! You don't have to do things you don't want to do just because.

But when she'd say "I wish I didn't have to date men" and I'd reply "Then don't" suddenly I'm invalidating??? her sexuality??? like girlie you Dont Want That Anyways why are you forcing yourself ???

It's gotta be some kind of conditioning put into afab people growing up that Men Are Just Like That so if you're attracted to them you have to put up with all kinds of bullshit. You don't!! Hold them responsible!! Dump Him and Steal His Car!!

It definitely feels like brainwashing. And I feel like people don’t talk much about it, about how comphet can still indirectly affect non-lesbians sapphics (even straight women).

A great example is what you mentioned about your friend. We don’t have to date men if we don’t want to, even if you’re still attracted to men. We’re raised to think we should favor those obligations society puts on us rather than what we actually want. We’re just so used to that that we don’t even acknowledge that.

I wish more non-lesbians who’re also being affected by comphet could understand this. Understanding this is a big step to decenter men from your life.

And it’s just so sad how some people are so defensive when it comes to their identity. You did not invalidate her identity at all… She was complaining about having to date men and you simply pointed out she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to.

I feel like that defensive and even aggressive behavior when it comes to talking about their attraction to men and questioning aspects of their attraction to men is very rooted in misogyny as well. Idk it seems like every time the topic of a conversation is about men people get feral, especially when it’s about negative things (which seems like your friend assumed is negative to simply not date men).

#stephanie answers #sappphica #long post

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beesmygod · 2 years

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ugh

despite being such a gossip and drama hound myself, i do not relish being the subject of it. you might think its because being the subject of scrutiny and attention is stressful. it’s actually because the people who keep lining up to try to shots at me wind up being the dumbest people alive who knock themselves out somehow. i think its important to get in front of “a narrative”, especially in this case, where every player is a lying liar who lies ahahaha. this one is way funnier than morbi actually. up until now, i was tactfully setting aside what happened out of uh. whatever kindness was left in my heart, i guess. more fool me!

im not going out of my way to crop ppl out of this if you look bad its your own damn fault. no one made you type this shit but you. dont post shit you can’t cash.

you might have been confused by the exchange between anon and this guy yesterday when i reblogged it to set the record straight on morbi. i was, until very recently, an infrequent contributor to his webcomics discord. earlier this year, i tried to reach out into more communities so i could get to know more artists and keep up with what’s hot (what a stupid fucking idea that was, in hindsight). a few days ago, some weirdly supportive of kiwifarms tweets from a comic artist who was ruined by them were posted for discussion. everyone pretty much just noted that it was weird with one person asking what kf even was. everyone else explained so i added this stupid shit

note: this is at 5:24 am. because at 7pm that night, one of the people in the discord goes completely full fucking tilt out of literally nowhere. i have screencapped the entire conversation up until that point as proof that i 1. literally did not say anything else the entire day and 2. proof that the conversation was completely normal up until that point.

inexplicably, people in the server put on kids gloves and start trying to come to a middle ground with this dipshit like hmm yes maybe we are a little kiwifarms could you explain more so we can understand you. when i noticed an hour later i saw red.

for someone who was “not helping”, the attention-seeking hysteric suddenly evaporated into thin air. i dont think anyone has actually shamed them for their behavior before. the conversation was shut down rather than resolved because i raised the temperature. daniel invited me to speak to him more privately in his dm if i had any more concerns bc i was pissed it was being swept under the rug. so i did.

here is the conversation in full. im posting it bc it makes him look like a clown and because later, he characterizes this as “chasing him” into his dms. what i didnt realize until today is that he says that the person going nuts is a moderator’s sibling, which explains why they’re permitted to take huge shits on people with no repercussions.

having committed the worst crime you can do in a nerd group (be mean) i was subjected to a post-mortem about the event (?) which culminated with this unbelievable irony cap

after my 10 mins were up, i said “i am not a good cultural fit or share the same moral priorities as this server and i will show myself out” and left. i vented on my twitter with blistering posts basically saying “well they’re all young. its annoying and seems bad but what can i do but leave”. and left it there.

it seems insanely obvious to me, so obvious that i struggled to even have to explain it to people whose entire brain appeared to have leaked out of their skull, that allowing someone in your discord for artists accuse random artists of wanting to reboot the mass shooting and violent transphobia website is literally the worst possible behavior you could permit. i wasnt expecting the mods to leap into action and do something, as they seemed to desperately think. i wanted to not belong to a community that would tolerate or entertain this.

anyway, yesterday morbi happened. i reblogged that post and daniel, after being told he wasnt a problem, decided he absolutely had to be one right now. he followed me on twitter and began posting ominously about a “write-up” of what happened between morbi and i because “some people” (this could literally only be the discord chat, and the reason he didnt want to post it there so they could snicker at it to themselves was because he thought this would humiliate or scare me) were curious.

maybe you’ve noticed a little flaw in the logic both morbi and dan have when it comes to “doxing”: for two people who are very concerned about privacy they’re out here retweeting the very information they’re decrying as invasive and then dan goes and fucking googles her and posts on a public platform more information about her than i cared to know. i cant stop thinking about how these morons were completely convinced they were doing something noble and righteous here by standing up for someone that maybe might be a black woman (hence: racism) based entirely on like a pintrest account

the cloying, transparent attempts to seduce me into messaging him first to soothe his battered ego are so desperate and pathetic that they make you hurt from the sidelines. you can see me gently try to explain why they look like a complete lunatic clutching their pearls over unmasking anonymous hate before i give up. there was so much obviously wrong about what they were doing that i was in disbelief that they were telling me that they were doing it.

1. taking a “both sides” approach doesn’t work when one person is a serial sexual harasser and the other posted an email address attached to a near cry-typing comment.

2. the attempt to use black women as a cudgel to defeat his posting enemy.

3. whatever this. attempt at banter is. idk man.

all of this didn’t work, so he tried showing me a piece of what he was writing that was the most deliberately inflammatory in the hopes that this morsel would finally compel me to bite and come begging for a re-write to save my webcomic career.

i wasn’t posting in a way that was drawing attention to this, it was a nosy (positive) friend who noticed this happening and went “holy shit what the fuck are you doing” which caused him to backpedal furiously

i was planning on letting him post it and just letting it speak for itself. i cannot think of a more ruinous thing to do to yourself than to ally with a sexual harasser and post openly and transparently about how extremely mad you are about how a girl made you feel. what could have possibly gone wrong.

in the end, daniel signed off with this post, signaling a more positive future for himself and his comic since his plan to annoy someone with a reputation for being a huge bitch multiple times by trying to downplay the severity of his and his friend’s actions, somehow blew up in his face

ah wait hold on. im getting word that he posted this after deleting a different post. this one

if there were any doubt what this were all about, daniel went and tweeted it out (literally) because subtext is difficult. my demand for a public apology for being accused baselessly of a career ending lie in order to stop this behavior from ever happening again has been recontextualized in his head as mean old bea picking on him and forcing him to do terrible things like “moderate” as a moderator.

over the past week ive been subject to racists, sex pests and 0/10 trolls but the spineless, moral coward is the most egregiously memorable of the lot. despite the amount of leeway i gave him for his repeated weak-willed behavior, he always found a new way to own himself without external prompting. despite me walking away and being satisfied with that, he came back for more. there are some people you cannot help, there are some people i don’t want to help because they cannot stop putting their hands on hot stoves. and then there are people who are begging for it.

somehow, it will be my fault that he feels bad and embarrassed about his behavior because i have catalogued it after being pushed around enough and it will not be seen as a direct result of his repeated failure of conscience.

anyway lol, lmao

#long post

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thatbitchsimone · 8 months

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Thank you that’s very sweet, you’re very kind

I just read and observe people and then after some time I eventually pick up on their habits and the way they talk and that’s what I did while learning English

Obviously I knew English because I learnt it in school but I never spoke it and I wasn’t great at communicating in it because where I live we usually speak my mother tongue which is pashto and urdu (I live in pakistan btw)

I’m 20 so before I was 17 when I started learning, that too because I got into this phase where I didn’t like talking to people and just reading and writing and on my phone and the quarantine really helped lol so that made me learn English and eventually get introduced to all the western media

And I because I had been always very close to my family so we watched the same shows and I wasn’t really at all on social media, probably because the lack of knowing English so I felt kind of insecure being on social media if I wasn’t able to understand the stuff on it, so no idea of western celebs or anything like that (I knew the very famous ones like angelina jolie etc because once I saw her face printed on a bag while I was shopping when I was like 12 and I though she was gorgeous anyways I’m rambling!!! Now hahah)

Anyways the point is, sometimes it makes me feel like, social media and real life are two different planets because the stuff on it so flabbergasting and weird (but also it has its many good sides and effects as well like talking to people and that’s great for me cause I love talking to people) but What kind of makes me sad is that it’s not 2 different planets, it’s all the same and the people who are so unkind and crazy on the internet are among us

It’s very weird

loved reading this! thank u so much

i mostly learned english from reading and watching movies etc as well actually but then again i was very young (i was fully fluent by the time i was around 9 i think) and children pick up languages very fast and i live in sweden where american and english media and pop culture is very widespread and part of the culture (probably bc sweden is a western country and america is very dominant in western media in general) so people learn english very well and easily here like swedes are known for it and foreigners often struggle to learn swedish bc the natives all switch to english when they notice u dont speak swedish so lots of foreigners and immigrants have to straight up ask people to talk to them in swedish more so they can learn and practice it lol but i think that goes to show that the best way to learn a language is to watch and read media in that language and observe it in casual conversation rather than just go by how ur taught it in classes etc

i honestly think its a good thing that u didnt partake in social media when u were younger. i think a lot of the people that dont seperate social media from real life are the ones who started using it early so they have almost spent more time in the social media and online world than the actual real world and get less real world interactions than online ones. i think its very unhealthy to not be able to seperate the 2 and just like u said, the online world and the real world are 2 different things and people forget that they are interacting with real living humans thru the screen and thats when it gets toxic and crazy and hostile. people kind of lose their social skills when they only interact with others behind a screen and its very concerning. ive always talked to ppl online the way i would talk face to face and its always weird to me when others dont do the same bc its like would u say these things ur saying online if the person was face to face with u? if u wouldnt then just dont. its cowardly and embarrassing behavior and its just gonna rot ur brain and soul and make u lose touch with reality and how u connect to others on a human level

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kaleidoscopic-quiddity · 2 years

Text

ok nobody asked me to elaborate but heres my pjo a(ro)spec headcanons

piper: aromantic lesbian

the whole false memories thing with juno made shit SO difficult to figure out

like she was a 16yro girl, already struggling to figure out her place in the world vis a vi being nattive, being mixed, being adhd and dyslexic, and then her baby aro lesbian ass gets fake memories of a boyfriend??

her thing with jason was the biggest instance comphet+compallo attraction in existence okay

its not until piper gets away from the questing/camper life and subsequently, the aphrodite cabin, that she starts realising how she feels about romance and re-evaluating some stuff

considering her relationship with shel, i see her as romance positive/favourable but she defo has some complex feelings going on there

speaking of, piper was so focused on the revelation that she was aro that it took her a while to figure out she was lesbian too

she kind of assumed she was some flavour of ace for a while but other sapphics around camp clocked her and gently nudged her towards the realisation of ‘yes you dont feel that way about guys. but have you considered: women?’

piper: i thought not wanting to date anyone meant i didnt want to kiss anyone, but... i think.. i want to kiss girls

piper bolting awake at 3am after a dream about her time on the argo ii: oh shit i totally was into annabeth wasnt i?

leo: aromantic bi demi-grey-asexual

oh gods leo valdez

he has zero fucking clue he’s anything but straight and allo until reyna casually mentionsn one day that her and a lot of the other hunters are asexual

he’s only ever heard of gay, bi and lesbian so he asks reyna what ‘asexual’ means

cue the most epiphany prompting conversation of leo’s life

leo voice: wait so you’re telling me that there are some people who just like, arent interesting in sex, at all? and not only that, but ppl can feel that way about romance too?

once terms like demi and grey start getting thrown around too he kinda has a freak out and reyna sends him off with a book abt asexuality and aromanticism + some awkward advice

three months of introspection and more than a few breakdowns later leo figures out that hes aro, hes demi-grey-ace, and that that is most likely why his relationship with calypso didnt exactly work out

(he also thinks the terms cupioromantic and/or quoiromantic/sexual might aply to him but hes not wholly sure)

just like piper he had some major compallo going on, he just thought being ‘girl crazy’ was how guys his age were supposed to act and never questioned why it felt like more of a joke for him rather than his true feelings

he figures out the bi part once he goes to college and is like cmon man i already had one sexuality crisis do i really gotta do this shit again

jason: aromantic straight demisexual

jason wasnt raised with as much allo/amatonormativity as other ppl bc he was literally raised by wolves then the legion, but juno yoinking his memories kinda fucked with that

once again, serious case of compallo in regards to piper, he knew he found her pretty and liked her as a friend and didnt understand for a long time that a crush was supposed to be ‘different’ or ‘more than that’

jason struggles with his sense of identity and definitely has this strong heroic leader persona he puts up and well, the hero always gets the girl doesnt he?

he died before he got the chance to really figure out that he was a(ro)spec (and that there were words for what he was feeling) but he knew he felt different about romance and sex than most other teens

the fact that he was more worried about them not being friends anymore rather than losing his girlfriend when piper broke up with him kinda tipped him off

he did have some pretty big queerplatonic feelings for both piper and leo though which in hindsight kind of explains, other than the trauma, why he bonded with them so quickly

annabeth: biromantic asexual

a decent number of athena kids are aspec (their mom literally conceives via a ‘meeting of intelligent minds’, no sex required at all) so she kinda slot herself pretty easily into the ‘asexual’ label after realising that despite dating percy for literal years, she had zero interesting in getting more ‘physical’ with him

(percy is allo but doesnt give a shit about sex if annabeth doesnt give a shit about it. he’s just happy to be close to her)

precisely because of the fact that’d she’d been dating percy for years meant that figuring out the biromantic part took ages lmao

it feels really obvious to her in hindsight

annabeth: ‘oh gods percy i had a crush on thalia, i had a crush on clarisse, i had a flirtationship with piper, i almost had a crush on reyna’

percy, in the middle of his own bi crisis: i know the feeling wisegirl

she doesnt really,, do much?? after figuring out shes bi, annabeth’s already happily in a committed , monogamous relationship, but it feels nice for her to have learned something new about herself

overall i see her as sex neutral/indifferent, she doesnt hate the idea but its not something she’d really intentionally seek out

as mentioned, percy is pretty sex neutral/indifferent (but like, in the allo way) too so the two of them just never really bother lol

quickfire bonus round:

reyna, evidently, is our canon allo-ace queen. this isnt a headcanon i just like reminding people :) she’s also bi/pan oriented (she uses both terms interchangeably)

thalia is aroace and has never once gotten what all the hype is about, she assumed people were joking or like at least overexaggerating when they talked about romance and sex

artemis/diana is also aroace obviously (apollo is pan tho, theyre twins they balance each other out)

frank is demisexual n straight

calypso is demisexual and demi-lithromantic, pan oriented

travis stoll is allo-ace, connor stoll is aro-allo, they think this is hilarious

magnus chase is also greyromantic and demisexual, bi oriented

ok im done

#pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #hoo #heroes of olympus #pjo headcanons #hoo headcanons #any and all aphobes will meet a swift end #oh and percy is totally bi btw like fucking LOOK at him #og post //#*rubs my little aromantic gremlin hands all over your faves*

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jajankenen · 11 days

Text

these r like the best ways to describe my gender and me.. robogender.. silly and fun loving thing. no gender just me... loving and kind.. :3 emoticon

been thinking about my gender and pronouns a lot lately (again.) being trans is cool but also like. how do you explain that you are just a silly roboguy to other cis people.. its hard enough explaining nonbinaryisms but idk if people would understand my agenderisms...

im like that asexual drake meme HELP

like .. just recently having the revelation of "oh wow. i dont think i like being associated with well.. any gender at all. wait. thats agender?" well i guess it can be nonbinary which is what i currently am but its like.. a broader gender term for me. im still trans obviously but also asexuality has a pretty big impact on my agenderism which is still kind of a new thing for me too. i still have doubts of whether or not im actually ace like. its society pressures and also my own stupid mind doubting everything about me. like im comfortable with reading and interacting with fictional stuff but irl? i think id rather die. do not come near me at all..

romance was always kind of confusing for me too like when i was younger all my friends were like whos ur crush and i just picked the male classmate who was sometimes nice to me bc we liked anime and thought. uhh is this a crush. ??? IS IT?? I DONT THINK IT IS KUNI... or like when all my friends would just talk about romancr and dating and making dating profiles and everything i was like. this is so fucking boring! can we talk about anime?? why are you guys talking for 30 minutes about a date that its so boring.. why do you care so much about what another guy thinks? its so funny looking back at this now like dude i was so uncomfortable with any mention of romance bc i thoughti was gay not ace. and then i flash forward im in hs like oh im lesbian bc i think men are scaryy wahh im gonna be honest i think being lesbian was so bad for me like it was crazy i still cant believe i ever was so like. fully believing into the idea that i was so feminine or at the least not trans. because i always knew i was like the "tomboy" or like not a girly girl but i just cannot not see myself as trans now. loop back to my original ideas.

also me being autistic has so much to do with my agender and asexuality being. crazy. call me quadruple a autistic agender asexual aromantic.????

ok well idk if im aromantic actually like i really tried hard to think about it. if i was in an irl real person romantic relationship would i really like it? i dont know.. have i just not met anyone i like? because im really ok with being alone like im so content and happy with me right now. but i know for a fact my parents/peers/relatives are gonna start asking me if im dating anyone because im turning older soon dude ughh... and im gonna have to keep deflecting it like. hahahahah no. or dude theyre gonna think im gay or smth AUYGHAGGASUWGHSSUGSHHH . my dad asked me. he said just tell me do you like boys or girls. like 3 months ago he asked me this and i just straight up said i dont know maybe guys idk i dont want to date anyone! and he just sighed and walked away. well ok.

love this. just robot gender loser silly blue thing.. no dick no balls. just platonic vibes.

#kuni rambles

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 months

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gonna be real with you, i know nothing about the personal OR professional lives of percy or mary, but like. they literally said it was her. even fuckin' BYRON (i think?? maybe it was someone else though) said it wasn't percy but his wife, didn't he?

also, about the theme/style things.... god forbid a writer changes things up a bit??? percy's her husband, it wouldnt be like. crazy for her to take inspiration or whatever. and even then it's not like the book doesn't carry topics mary herself wouldve been invested in.

at the end of the day i dont know much about this theory, but on first pass through it seems like bullshit. there is more than enough evidence that she did write it, and i think doubting that, despite the fact that it wouldve been really easy for percy to be like "hey no, i wrote this actually", especially since people already kind of couldnt believe a woman would write such a thing, is bordering on straight up misogyny at this point.

i dont know though. could be wrong. if anyone has actual evidence maybe itd be worth listening to. but as of now it doesnt seem like it.

There's really not much I can say in response because I, myself, wasn't approaching this with a passionate stance--but I did find this source from one of the main people arguing Percy wrote Frankenstein, just to sort of explain better than I summarized. He's also got an entire book called The Man Who Wrote Frankenstein, where I presume the bulk of the evidence is. Haven't read it and probably won't. Again, not me arguing with you, simply being like this is the alternative I was made aware of

Also context for me sending that ask: we weren't even talking about Frankenstein that day, we were talking about "the cold earth slept below" by Percy, and it was just a passing thing, so we didn't truly get into it. The personal life context was surrounding Percy's first wife, Harriet (who is widely regarded to be the subject of the poem, written after she was found dead in a river) and the complicated and messy situation of Percy leaving her for Mary, but then almost leaving Mary for her again? but their being a lot of financial motives in the Godwin family to keep Percy around, so messing with Harriet's reputation (claiming she was unfaithful) to make him leaving her for Mary more acceptable/reasonable, etc. And later potentially fudging dates (like on the poem, mary claiming it was written before Harriet died and had nothing to do with her), probably among other things I'm unaware of.

Again, not an expert, just the context I was given in brief. I truly know very little about the subject, hence why I came to you! It's my understanding its a rather unorthodox position to take among scholars? But regardless it is one that exists

#quil's queries #frankenstein #commonghost #and one that my english professor subscribes to #she seems a little fond of theories--though she is aware they can't be definitively proven #like the theory harriet was actually murdered by the godwins #since william had like a note in his diary or something saying harriet died the last day she was seen alive #which was over a month before her body was found #i truly know even less about that #and today she brought up the legend that this other poet nearly eloped with a married man #to connect to our analysis #anyway #she's a very sweet young professor #teaching this class because the usual teachers are on sabbatical #there's just a little like. mental adjustments I gotta do sometimes #like with this. you know?#long post

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nahalism · 5 months

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I’ve started online lessons with this girl who teaches me. Now I’m a very private person, figuring myself out and people mostly find me weird. This girl however talks to me in a normal way and she seemed excited. Now she goes from being kinda excited to asking me a lot of stuff, even trying to joke around and figuring out if I’m married or single, trying to figure me out in general and then a day later she seems pissed at me. This switch between moods happened before. So it’s not a one time thing. I feel like she was annoyed/mad at me. I tried to ask myself what it is I could have said, done or didn’t do that made her act this way towards me. But I can’t figure it out and tbh I felt uncomfortable. To the point where I just wanted to log off and ghost. But at the same time I wanna ask her if something’s wrong. That however feels too personal and I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation. Idk if it makes sense, but would I be an asshole for asking straight up?

i have to be completely honest, i can't answer this with confidence because there are a lot of amber flags and a lot of subtext missing.

for example, you being 'private' and 'people mostly finding you weird' could be because your actually weird & socially off putting, or it could be because we live in a world where people are mean toward what they dont understand & youve internalised that, so now have low self esteem, or have adopted their view of you when describing yourself. that, in addition to the fact you keep to yourself, makes it difficult to discern whether your reading too much into her kindness toward you, or whether shes genuinely interested in you/trying to make a pass, and has some kind of issue with emotional disregulation. either possibility is likely, so i cant give you a direct answer to your question.

the best advice i can give is to communicate the issue. as long as you approach the situation with kindness, there is nothing wrong with being straightforward with with her. ghosting isn't a good solution because it will leave the situation unresolved and give you further uncertainty as to whether the issue lies with you or with her (= social anxiety in future communications). so, be upfront and ask her what the issue is in a way similar to – 'i've noticed the way you speak to me/ your mood toward me fluctuates quite a bit, (give examples if you think its relevant), and im just wondering if i did something wrong?' ... you can even go a step further and pre-emptively apologise, 'if that's the case i just want to apologise and say that i in no way intended to make you feel uncomfortable or to upset you'. if she says you did, you can resolve it and find some resolution in the situation. if she says you didnt you can assume the issue lies with her, rather than you.

just so you know, regardless of the outcome, who is at fault or who isn't at fault, in paying for these lessons you are paying for a service. if that service is making you feel uncomfortable, or is unsatisfactory in whatever way, your always free to stop attending.

in the case you haven't said or done anything to make this person uncomfortable or infringe on their boundaries, i want to assure you that being a little weird is not a crime or anything to be shy or ashamed of. it also doesnt make you a creep or some kind of 'weirdo predator'. only being a creep and a predator does. so on the off chance you've internalised the things people have labelled you as, and now have anxiety speaking to people or an unmeasured approach to gauging social situations, just know you dont need to hide yourself away. that there are kind and patient people with genuine intentions toward you who are willing to be your friend and let you learn and understand these dynamics as the friendship continues. no one arrives perfect

sending u love and good luck

#ask

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wholesomeivygreen · 3 years

Text

Sukuna never had a problem getting himself off. He had multiple people to pleasure him ofcourse. It was always one needy whore after another, girl or boy, man or woman. They all wanted to be beside him and praise him.

All untill you. You and your innocent little joy of life.

The day he saw you he was raptured by your sweet smile and blinding beauty. Ofcourse sukuna being the king of curses wanted a taste of you and he knew that once you got a taste of him, you would be on your knees ready to serve him, or so he thought.

To lure you in he disguised himself as a commoner. As much as he hated it that was the only way he could get you to sleep with him. And so there he was standing in front of you- hand in hand...and in a date? He didnt quite understand the concept of dating. It was bizzare and quite complex.. I mean why spend time talking about interests and giving information about oneself that can be used in battles when you could indulge in worldly pleasures lusting over him.

But when he stood there, next to your smiling figure that was failing to get the toy out of the mysterious box of gifts and treasures or as you called it a claw crane.

He didn't understand how small things like those could excite you, he knew he could get you better toys, gifts unfathomable to human kind. Gifts and treasures that only the richest-

"Hehe look isnt this one adorable" you swirled your arm into his pulling him close to hear your heavenly laughter more clearly making him twinge with goosebumps.

As you continued to adore the little ball of cotton he made it his mission to buy the biggest toy there was. Huffing his chest when making the promise only to find you laughing and telling him that it was late and you both needed to catch the last bus.

Scoffing he agreed but somehow the walk back to the station made his way with talks and taunts that somehow made the curse laugh with genuine joy and peace.

Sometimes he found himself smiling and bit too fondly and having to remind himself that he was the kind of curses, devil reincarnated, a powerful curse who once ravaged the earth making thousands tremble-

Disturbed from his thoughts you pulled him down to land the lightest kiss on his cheekbone making him stare at you in wonder.

"Good night sukuna" ofcourse he told you his name....well he wanted to tell you his actual form too but after tonight...god what if he would scare you? What if you didnt want to be with him...wait be with him? Why would he be worried if you wanted to be with him or not?

Laughing he questioned his thoughts making him talk to himself in the dark way back home

'Yea right. Me the powerful sukuna..wanting a woman like her to be with me' what rubbish he thought while having the slightest tinge of red coat his ears.

As a couple weeks went by you both got closer and closer. The more you grew closer you more flustered you got, and ofcourse he wouldnt miss any tiny detail. Everytime he did something to mess with you he would await to see your lovely flustered reaction.

When he would lean down to brush his lips on yours ever so slightly teasing every inch of your tiny self he found himself filled with eagerness and desperation to get closer and make you his. But oh dear god the way you would whimper and sound off his reactions sending blood straight to his dick.

When he found out you reacted like that, whimpering and trembling at his arms sensitive to his touch he found himself repeating it over and over again.

Only to break apart one day and found himself pinning you to the floor as he floated on top of you lips inches apart, eyes fumbling between his and his lips as though signaling to wanting more.

"You look so fucking pretty like this" he said cupping your tiny face with his big hand bringing it closer to a heated kiss, tongue swirling into your own only making you groan into the kiss. With every sound you made, every trace of your small fingers on his body he only was tempted more, tempted to rip off every piece of clothing your body dared to hold.

He wanted to leave marks all over your body, emotion of jealousy and possessiveness taking over him as he left dark red kisses onto your soft skin.

When he raised his head he found you looking at him with a shock.

"Wha- who are you?"

Confusion evidenton his face he jerked back "Huh doll what are you talking about? I'm sukuna"

"No..sukuna doesnt look like this" you said backing off to a corner and as he noted his tatto on his wrists he realised, he changed back to his form. A form he grew when in lust or holding a desire to monopolize something.

Fuck

"Sweetheart. It's me.. I was just-" he knew no words put together would explain who he was and the grew a bit angry when he saw your face holding disgust or so he thought.

Huffing he sat down explaining the most he could. Leaving out parts where he would continue on another day but today he needed you, he needed to feel you, to hear your sweet sultry voice begging him to make you cum.

To his shock you werent afraid, hurting he didnt tell you before this but as you scoped closer cupping his face clearly way too big for your tiny hand

"I just wish youd told me sooner. I dont care where you're from and what you did. As long as we are together I dont want to worry about that."

Sukuna never knew words could turn him on the way it did right now. Pouncing on you continuing where he left off he was quick to remove all your clothing.

As he removed his he noted the way you stared into his chest eyeing his every feature. As though you wanted to eat him up. As he removed his underwear your mouth fell wide.

There was no way that would fit you. No way

As though he could read your mind he came to kiss you deeply

"Dont worry brat, I'll make sure to stretch you wide enough to take me. Hmm? I know my princess will do that for me wont ya?" Nodding he smacked one hand on your cunt he trailed his fingers that were so big you worried about them fitting too.

As he rubbed circles on your clit enjoying every sound that poured out from your sweet lips. As he traced the lining of your dripping pussy he collected some of your juices in his fingers before bringing them to his mouth sucking on them

"Fuck you taste so good. Cant wait to fill you with my cum."

With the end of that sentence he entered your tight hole. Fingering you slowly at first so you got used to his huge fingers. He pumped you in and out observing every twitch and shiver you showed. He sucked onto one of your breasts and the other hand rubbed deep circles on your clit and massaged your folds.

The way he fingered you were sinful, every turn and pull making you moan in delight. As he swirled his index and pointing finger to pump more juices from your dripping cunt he came down to suck on your sensitive clit flicking it with his tongue. He continued his ministrations ramming his fingers into your twitching hole.

He was observant, learning your every reaction as he curled up his fingers to reach a spot so sensitive earning a Yelp and you scurrying away from his touch only for him to pull you back with his nails digging into the soft of your thighs. Kissing you thighs biting the inner side of them.

"Did I tell you could move away from my touch brat? The next time you scurry away and I wont let you cum. Okay? and be a good little whore and lemme stretch you" his words leaving a harsh warning into your brain you knew not to move. Rather you pushed your hips to match his pace as he fingered you to your orgasm.

As you felt a gush of water on your inner thighs you were left heaving and trying to make sense of reality when he came forward lining himself towards your entrance collecting the juices your dripping pussy let out.

"Hmm..and what should I do next princess?? Hmm?"

"Please- I.. want you in me" you said nervously fidgeting with you arms as you let you arms hang on his broad shoulders. He kissed the side of your ears whispering in an octave deeper than usual

"Want what?" He teasing and licking your ears, he knew it was your sensitive spot

"I want your huge cock. Please sukuna"

"Say it clearly brat" he said slapping your boobs before sucking and nibbling your tip

"I want ...want your big dick in me.. please sukuna"

"That's it..that's all I wanted to hear my sweet whore"

As words left your mouth you felt a stretch in your tiny pussy earning a groan from the great king himself before sinking in to reach the deepest part of you that no one ever could

"Fuck you're so fucking tight" he said ramming himself into you obliterating your sweet cunt. His thrusts never slowed down only growing stronger and a tad bit faster so that you were getting accustomed to him. The stretch was so much, too much for you to handle as you felt tears spilling from your reddened cheeks you held onto him hoping you make it out out this alive because the way he was making a mess out of you you werent sure.

He continued and on noticing your tears he kissed your cheeks and lips asking if you were okay. The great king reduced to asking whether you were okay or not..times had truly changed

"Go- go a bit slower.. you're...to..too big unnhhh" you said leaving nail marks on his back earning a hiss from him and that sentence just drove him over the cliff.

Realization hit and he slowed down not so much just a bit so that his arms were on either side of you, mouth kissing your cry of pleasure away.

Soon his arms held your waist in a way to slightly hold you up and he angled himself to curve himself into you. You gasped into the air, breath leaving your lungs for a second as he smirked with the power that only he had. To make such a face out of you.

Hair messed up, body sweating and mouth left gaping open for him to steal open mouthed kisses anytime he wants. As he pulled you closer every inch of his dick now entering your tight cunny you felt your stomach bulging a bit and on looking down you found a bump of his tip. Smirking he massaged the area

"Is my dick too big for you tight cunny hm?" He said but the sight of you fucked up like this only drove him nuts making him turn your insides violently making you scream.

"Yes..you're so big. So fucking biggg...fuck su...I'm.. I'm so.."

Circling your sensitive clit he groaned into the sensation of you tightening on him "I know princess. Fuck I'm close too"

As you felt white run out you jerked your hips to match his brutal pace whimpering about how big he was and how hes ruining you.

With every thrust he grew closer to his unbecoming as he let out white strings of hot cum into your tight sweet cunny.

The sight etched into his memory, you laid out in front of him bare and vulnerable with dark marks all over your body, cunt leaking out his cum and sheets soaked with both your fluids.

This was a sight he would never forget as he laid next to you bringing you on top of him you rubbed circles on his tattooed chest admiring his chiseled body.

He brought your face up to kiss him sweetly, as though he was scared he would break you.

You fell into a deep slumber while the curse stayed awake..wondering what to be done of his new pet.

#sukuna x reader #sukuna #jjk smut #smut #sukuna smut #sukuna x y/n #smut jjk #sukuna ryomen #sukuna ryoumen x reader #ivywrites #smut sukuna

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captains-simp · 3 years

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hiii can you please do a 1) Angst with Nat where shes the one saying 'please dont go' because she pushed u away out of fear of either unreciprocated feelings or fear of her feelings for u?? and then there's a happy ending???

"Please don't go."

Warnings: oral, fingering, thigh grinding, hints at overstimulation, rejection, violence and some majorrrr angst

6.8k words

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Natasha Romanoff was the thing of many people's nightmares. Cunning, stealthy, ruthless. Those were just a few of the things that came to mind when describing Natasha in the field. It was what had earned her the Black Widow name, and rightfully so.

But behind that front was someone very different. It took a long time to find that person. It was hard to gain the trust of an assassin, much less the friendship. You had gotten there eventually, what you found was entirely worth every second of the wait.

Natasha had been your closest friend for as long as you could remember. You trusted her above everyone else and knew the feeling was mutual. A lot of things were with you two.

You came to the same conclusions in missions, spare of the moment and planned. You knew the best ways to comfort one another. You could even read each other like your favourite book when it was impossible for others.

It seemed almost predictable that your feelings for Natasha had been growing for a long time.

She was fiercely protective of the ones she loved. The relationships she developed were ones she held close to her heart and would do anything for. She never said it because she didn't have to.

While not being one for comforting words, Natasha would appear at your side in an instant if she thought you had been hurt in a mission or even training. Everything from checking in on you genuinely from time to time to let you rant about whatever was going on in your head to memorising your order from every kind of take out place made you feel cared for more than she could ever understand.

Maybe that was why you had fallen inlove with her.

"You are single handedly the best partner I have ever had." Natasha sighed as she laid back on her bed with her eyes trained on you. Oh how you wished she meant that in a different context.

"Likewise." You grinned as you poured some more wine into your glass and took a tentative sip.

"You usually work on a team." Natasha pointed out. "You haven't had your fair share of God awful partners yet."

"I can still recognise a good partner." You reminded and glanced down at the glass resting on your crossed legs.

Saying Natasha was good was the understatement of the year. No matter what she seemed to think the redhead was the reason for your success on the mission. All you had done was follow her instructions and reenact everything you had trained.

"Still, that was one of the best missions I've ever been on."

"You make it sound like you enjoyed it." You teased.

"I love my job." Natasha smirked as she took her glass from the bedside table and swirled the liquid around.

"I bet you do, must be easy when you're one of the best." You complimented more easily with the help of the alcohol.

"I like a challenge every now and then." She said as she sat up and tucked her legs under her. She downed the contents of her glass in a second and went to pour some more. Your eyes widened slightly but you accepted when she held the bottle out for you and poured a little more than you would have, finishing the bottle.

"You can challenge yourself in safer ways you know." Even if Natasha was one of the most feared agents on the planet she was still human. You worried about her a lot and tried to voice your opinions on mission files to ensure she did things the safest ways. She was always more set on doing things the most efficient way.

"Like what?" She enquired.

"I don't know, get a hobby." You laughed, hardly joking. A hobby was something everyone on the team needed, there was hardly ever the time.

"A hobby." Nat repeated, playing around with the thought as she said it. "I don't think I have time for that." You hummed understandably. "Do you want one?" She asked as she watched you.

"I barely have time for socialising." You scoffed and sipped on the alcohol.

"You live with us." The redhead pointed out, clearly missing your point.

"For work. When was the last time we had a movie night?" You asked. Natasha thought back to try and pinpoint a date but you kept going. "All of the parties are basically part of the job. Our schedules are all off so we rarely eat dinner together. We never really hang out anymore." You reflected with a pang of sadness.

"We're hanging out now." Natasha pointed out.

"We are." You couldn't help the smile that crept onto your face.

"So let's make the most of it." She said as she reached under her bed to retrieve another bottle. You barely questioned why it was there.

She poured more of the drink into each of your glasses and you clinched them together. You took a sip of yours and Natasha watched you as she raised the glass to her lips then paused for a second.

Her eyes trailed to your lips as you licked them to wipe away the traces of the drink. Your cheeks heated up under her far from subtle gaze and a lazy smirk played across Natasha's lips in her signature way.

It wasn't uncommon for Nat to flirt and tease you, she did it with everyone after all, but that night it seemed like a genuine interest, you just didn't want to fool yourself into thinking that.

You stretched your legs out infront of you simply to do something with yourself as Natasha continued to watch you mirror her position. You were startled when you felt on of her hands grip your calf and pull you up the bed towards her.

She silently took your glass from your hands and placed her glass down on the table with yours.

"What are you doing?" You asked with a smile as you tried to ignore your rapidly beating heart from having her hand on your calf and having the strength to pull you with the one hand just a second ago.

"Making the most of our time together." Natasha said simply as her hand dropped back down to your leg. Her fingers lightly ghosted up your calf again as a small smirk continued to stay on her lips.

You gulped, your mouth suddenly feeling very dry as you watched Natasha's slender fingers wander in a seemingly innocent way.

As if your dumbfounded and blank expression wasn't enough for her, Natasha suddenly sat up more and slowly lifted her leg over yours as she gave you some of the most intense eye contact you had ever experienced and straddled your lap.

You searched her face for anything and all you got was a mischievous smirk; nothing past that, no implication as to what was really happening.

"Cat got your tongue?" She teased as she ran her hands down your bare arms making you visibly shiver.

"I..." You whispered, having no idea what to say in response. Natasha lowered her head to the side of your neck and breathed lightly against the exposed skin, curtsey of the loose bun she had done for you.

"Maybe I should try steal it back." Her lips grazed your sensitive skin as she spoke. All sense escaped you when her lips pressed ever so lightly against your neck.

Her hands moved to your waist to hold you as she planted soft kisses along your neck that started to become less light. Her teeth nipped at your skin making you yelp slightly in surprise. Natasha grinned against you as her hands moved round to your stomach and pushed you down flat on your back on the mattress.

Seeing her straddling your stomach above you with an illegally attractive smirk made something undeniable go straight to your core. You clenched your thighs together subconsciously, not realising how telling the gesture was to Natasha.

She slowly leant down and hovered her face inches above yours as her hands trailed up to your own and pinned them above your head. Your breath was shaky and you just knew your friend could tell from your close proximity.

A million things buzzed around your head. Until you caught sight of an especially bright spec of green in Natasha's eyes and found yourself haulting all your questions. That was when you pushed all of your worries and questions to the side to focus on what was infront of you. Or rather who was ontop of you.

You closed your eyes and lifted your head, finally reciprocating in the way you had wanted to a while. Her lips met yours in an instant and felt even softer against your own than you had ever imagined. Your lips moved in perfect sync that you found yourself getting lost in as well as the taste of Natasha that you thought might stay with you forever.

You gasped and parted your lips when she pinched your inner thigh unexpectedly and was quietened when Natasha's tongue met yours. She sucked on it for a brief moment and grinned into you when she felt you moan.

Her lips left yours and started to kiss across your jaw before you could protest then dipped down to your neck. You tilted your head back to give her further access as you held onto her back and tried to steady your breathing.

While one hand held your waist the other stroked along your bare thigh under your dress. You closed your eyes as you struggled to competly focus on any one of the movements. You especially failed when Nat placed one of her muscular thighs between yours, forcing them apart and pressing down on a sensitive area.

You gasped as you felt her apply pressure to your aching clit with her thigh and bucked your hips against her. She chuckled lowly into your ear and held down your thigh and waist with strength that only feuled your growing arousal.

"Tasha." You moaned when the redhead bit down on your neck. Simultaneously, her hand wandered further up your thigh to explore the wanton part between your legs. She sighed deeply into your neck when her fingers brushed against wet spot on your panties.

You whined lowly when she withdrew her fingers only to flip you onto your front and straddle your back. Her slim fingers held the zip on the back of your dress dress swiftly pulled it down along with the rest of your dress.

Her hands ran along your bare back and she unfastened your bra with ease, throwing it somewhere neither of you cared about. She brought her hands back to you and caressed the exposed skin on your sides and leant down flat against you as her hands cupped your breasts. She kissed your shoulder blades as she started to pinch your strained buds. As much as you enjoyed the way she handled you, you needed attention lower down and was becoming impatient, resorting to rocking yourself against the bed in search of something.

"You're a needy thing, aren't you?" She husked, noticing your actions in an instant.

You whimpered into the bed and was suddenly moved onto your back again and stared up at the redheaded beauty who was taking in the sight of your bare breasts.

"You've got me all worked up too, baby." She said as she pulled her own dress down and flung it across the room. Unlike you, she wasn't wearing a bra under her dress giving you the sight of her perfect set. Your own eyes lowered and your breath hitched at the sight of her bare pussy. For a moment you questioned if she had it all planned, but she was straddling your face before you could think about it anymore.

She certainly wasn't lying when she said she was worked up, she was soaked.

With a burst of confidence, you grabbed the back of her thighs and lowered herself onto your tongue that swiped through her folds. You hummed at the initial taste that enveloped your senses and sucked momentarily on her throbbing clit.

"Fuck." Natasha moaned as she pulled on some loose strands of your hair. You pushed your tongue into her awaiting cunt as far as you could go and retracted it to repeat the motion, all while your best friend grinded down on your face.

"Such a good mouth." She praised as you focused your tongue on her soaking channel.

You brought one of your hands up and rubbed Natasha's clit with your thumb as your tongue started to increase it's pace. The redhead's inner walls started to clamp down on your muscle and you took this with a new vigor.

It didn't take long for her thighs to tighten around your head and for Natasha to ride out her orgasm in desperation as you eagerly lapped up all of her cum until she got off you.

"Suck." She instructed only slightly breathlessly as she held her fingers infront of your mouth. You opened in an instant and licked up the length of her fingers before taking them in your mouth as you kept your eyes trained on Natasha.

"Good girl." She praised with a smirk when she withdrew her fingers. She straddled one of your thighs as her fingers danced down to where you needed them the most.

Her fingers slipped inside your pussy with ease. They slowly edged further until they curled against your sweet spot that made your head drop back against the bed. Natasha repeated the come here motion everytime her fingers returned but her pace remained slow and teasing.

You whined in protest but was shushed by the redhead when she pressed herself into your thigh. You gasped as you felt her slick along your thigh and the small rotations of her hips to grind herself against you.

As the pace of her hips increased so did her fingers that were returning to you at twice the pace. You moaned together as everytime Natasha's fingers hit your special spot she angled herself to brush her clit up against your muscle.

The Russian started to dig herself deeper against you and her movements became much more frantic. Her fingers became rougher and faster, never failing to make your head spin when she angled them perfectly.

"Fuck, Nat!" You moaned as your bucked your hips up against her hand.

Her movements became less coordinated as she chased her release and consequently managed to extend her fingers deeper within you making your walls clamp down harshly.

"You feel so good against my pussy." Nat moaned until she came undone on your thigh soon followed by you.

She spread her arousal across your thigh as she rode out her orgasm and kept her fingers deep inside you making you squirm under her.

Her eyes were still glazed over when she looked back down at you and saw you unsuccessfully trying to move away. An evil glint appeared in her eyes as a smirk played on her lips and she leaned down to hover over you again.

"Oh, malysh, we are no where near done."

You woke up to a stream of sunlight flowing into the bedroom and onto the bed. You instinctively went to shield your eyes and turn over but when you did you noticed the body laying peacefully next to you.

You let your eyes adjust and brain start to kick in until you saw the mess of red hair on the pillow next to you. You smiled widely when the memories of the night before began to come back to you.

You were both laying naked in bed with the duvet barely covering you. Natasha had her back to you so you reached out and gently stroked a finger across her shoulder blades. Her shoulders tensed slightly as she gradually woke up and you were reminded of how much you pushed your bodies to the limit. You were feeling kind of sore too.

"Good morning." You greetee with a tired continuous smile and scooched over closer to her only for her to sit up without looking at you.

"Morning." She replied stiffly. You frowned a little in confusion and glanced over at her alarm clock to see how late it is and go to get up too. You had a team meeting that morning that you definetly couldn't miss.

You didn't really know what to say to her when you were finding your clothes. She didn't say anything either but the silence didn't feel right. Not awkward, just not right.

You kept glancing over at her but she never faced you when she was quickly getting changed into clean clothes.

You looked over at the clock again nervously. Half an hour until the meeting. Need to have a shower, clean clothes, breakfast? No, no time. Talk to Natasha?

You really had no clue what to say to the redhead you had spent the night in and it definelty didn't help that your brain hadn't fully kicked in yet.

"So I'll...see you later then?" Smooth, y/n.

"Yeah." Nat said back as she searched for something in her drawers. You nodded and awkwardly pointed to the door and practically ran towards it. The moment you were on the other side of the door you smacked yourself on forehead and started to think about what to say to your best friend.

Throughout the whole of the team meeting Natasha didn't look at you once. Even in the most important meetings she would shoot you a smile every so often or kick you lightly if she knew you weren't paying attention. But she never even acknowledged you in that one.

Granted, the mission brief was one of the most important ones the team had ever had while you had been there. It wasn't for a couple of weeks because an operation like that one required a lot of planning, preparing and paperwork to fill out before it had even started.

It was the single biggest Hydra base there was. It was the heart of all Hydra operations and that meant there was a lot to do. All Hydra agents needed to be captured or killed, all data and information they had needed to be taken and the place needed to be destroyed.

The meeting dragged on for a long time and eventually you were all told to leave and continue as normal until the mission. You planned to walk out with Natasha but she had disappeared before you got the chance.

It was like that for the rest of the day. You never saw your friend and everytime you asked someone where she was she was never where they said. It felt like you were going on a wild goose chase for her between training and eating.

Eventually though, you finally found her in the kitchen late in the evening making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She saw you approaching and tensed up without you noticing as you nervously approached, practising what had decided to say to her over in your head.

"Hey." You smiled, eyes trailing to the snack she had prepared as you remembered the time you lectured her on doing it wrong and corrected her. She had insisted you couldn't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrong, but always did it your way after that.

"Hi." She said as she cut the sandwich in half and went to make a swift leave.

"I've been looking for you all day." You half laughed as you moved to stand infront of her.

"I've been busy." She replied and went to move around you.

"Yeah." You laughed nervously again as you followed her.

You had never really been one to shoot your shot or make the first move. It was awkward and uncomfortable even if you ended up lucky. You had never wanted to risk screwing everything up.

You could manage the bottled up feelings most of the time. You always chose that over some form of confrontation. Those were just small, passing crushes. Natasha Romanoff was far from that. And given everything that had happened the night before, you were sure you had a chance - more than a chance.

"So last night was great. More than great actually." You corrected as you managed to keep up with her fast strides.

"I'n glad you enjoyed it." She said simply.

"Did...did you?"

"Yes."

"Cool, so um I was thinking- well I was wondering if you would want to go out sometime." You started as you fiddled with your fingers. "I know you're busy so it doesn't have to be right away- or at all of course! Totally up to you, we could just get a drink or a meal." You rambled, going completly off script. You could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you caught sight of Natasha's room. She stayed silent for a while and you started to suspect you should have kept your mouth shut.

"Look, y/n." Oh God. "Last night wasn't...we were drunk." She started.

"No we weren't." You instantly said and winced at your frantic reply. "I mean we were tipsy at the very most." You corrected and hoped it overruled your desperate comment prior.

"Right, but it wasn't anything serious." Oh fuck. "We were just messing around and celebrating." She said slowly as she reached her door and grabbed the handle, clearly wanting to leave the awkward convosation.

"Oh...yeah of course. I knew that." You lied. "I just thought...yeah never mind- sorry." You rambled again and scratched the back of your neck.

"It's alright." She said looking at her door longingly. "See you tomorrow, y/n." She finally said.

"Yeah, goodnight, Nat." You said back and heard the door shut as soon as you turned around.

Fuck!

Natasha was a generally very mature person. That meant she could put aside personal differences for her job and move past disagreements and resolve tension for the sake of the friendships she developed and treasured. It seemed that didn't apply to you.

You understood that the redhead would want space for a few days. Time was the best thing you could give to allow yourself to pick up the pieces of your heart to reassemble eventually and for Natasha move past what you said.

A week past and Natasha still avoided you like the plague.

That drastic change was one you had never prepared yourself to adjust to. You had been so confident that Natasha felt the same way, it was the one time you didn't plan for rejection. That made it even harder. One moment you and Natasha were practically joint at the hip and the next you were rarely in the same room.

Everytime she went into a room and saw you there she made some excuse about forgetting something and didn't return. If it was you who arrived in a room she was already in she would mutter something about being busy and having things to do.

That meant Nat started doing things like training in the evenings or early night just to avoid you. It was a miracle if she ate a meal with the others too. Her whole schedule changed drastically.

The others noticed pretty quickly. All of it. Natasha's strange routine was just as clear as her separation from you. No one really wanted to say anything, thinking that any issues you and Natasha had could be solved by yourselves. But with the mission fast approaching and there being no signs of things returning to normal, Steve decided to talk to you.

You knew it was Steve at your door by the softness of his knock. Everyone on the team could determine who was outside their door by their knock, it didn't seem possible but it was your equivalent of knowing which family member was coming up the stairs.

"Come in, Steve." You called as you flicked through Netflix. It was late in the evening and you were trying to unwind before bed but you were still haunted by the memories of screwing up your friendship with Natasha.

"You alright?" He asked as he closed the door and joined you on the bed that sunk a little under his weight.

"Never better." You said sarcastically before smiling a little at him, you knew he meant well.

"What's going on with you and Nat?" He asked. You paused you mindless scrolling through the TV as you felt the pain in your chest return.

"I messed it up, Steve. I messed it all up." You admitted as you started to shake.

"Hey." He comforted as he saw tears form in your eyes. He put his arms around you and let you lean into him and rest you head on his shoulder.

"I don't know how to fix it." You babbled.

"Fix what?"

"Us. I think she hates me."

"Nat could never hate you." He assured making you cry a little harder.

"She won't go near me." You argued

"What happened?" He asked again patiently.

"She knows. She knows I like her." Steve chuckled softly and continued to hold you.

"Y/n we all know. It doesn't take a spy to work it out." You sniffed with a smile and wiped the tears away as you leant away from him to look at the blonde.

"I asked her out." You said.

"That was a brave thing to do." He defended despite clearly knowing how it turned out for you. You decided to leave out the reason you worked up the balls to do it.

"I don't think she thinks so." Steve sighed as he looked at the TV in consideration.

"Maybe, but she will eventually."

"How long will that be?"

"It's hard to say with Nat, but eventually. You could try talk to her again?" He suggested.

"Have you been missing how she avoids me like I'm her worst nightmare." You deadpanned.

"You let her know you care about her a lot, you're not far off." You thought for a moment about how right Steve was. Nat never did like intimacy, but she never had a problem with it if it was you. "And she may be a spy by we have a security room." He pointed out and you smiled again.

"Okay." You agreed. "Tomorrow." You decided, knowing there was a lot higher chance of you actually going through with it if you had already told Steve you would.

"Okay." He smiled back and stood up from the bed and went to leave.

"Have you talked to her?" You suddenly asked.

"Seems like she's avoiding everyone."

You surprised even yourself when you found yourself in the security room the next day in the late evening. It didn't take you long to flick through all the cameras and spot Natasha training with the holograms.

You made your way down to her quickly, trying to figure out at least the outline of what you could say to her. Nothing really came to mind when you tried to piece it together.

When you arrived she was focused on throwing an onslaught of punches at a punching bag that honestly looked like it was on the verge of being torn in half. It made you strongly consider backing out when you saw her like that. You just hoped that state of mind wouldn't come across in your convosation.

"Hey." You croaked making the redhead spin around with her guard still up. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." You assured as you took a tentative step towards her.

"You didn't scare me." She defied, annoyance present in her voice.

"I guess if you can be pranked by Clint that many times and not be scared nothing will scare you." You joked in a futile attempt to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

The redhead stayed silent as she adjusted the straps on her gloves. You thought she would pack up her things and leave but she went back to the punching bag and blanked you.

"Are you gonna ignore me forever?" You sighed. She paused her punches for a second before turning to look at you for the first time in over a week.

"I'm not ignoring you."

"We haven't talked in a while." You said, choosing not to argue over the fact that yes she definetly had been ignoring you.

"I've been busy." Her expression was stoic as she looked at you and it made you uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry for making things weird. But we can move past it. I can so you definitely should. Just because you don't want to date me doesn't mean you get to treat me like this, it's not fair on me and its not fair on the team." You breathed deeply when you finished and averted your eyes as you grew more uncomfortable from the confrontation.

"That's just the thing, y/n." Natasha said as she started to take her gloves off. "You're not going to move past it. I know you, and I know you're not going to be over it in a week." You frowned at her blunt response and took a few more steps towards her.

"Get over yourself, Nat." You sighed in frustration. "It's not like I declared that I was inlove with you. And don't forget that you came onto me that night."

"Exactly, y/n. It was one fucking night. It didn't mean anything but you decided to make a big deal out of it." You struggled to push aside the ache that came from her words and the bitter way she delivered them.

"You're never intimate with anyone. So yes when you fucked me and let me fuck you I thought there might be something more to it. It's not a crime to want something more."

Nat's jaw clenched at your words. You had brought in something personal about her and she was inevitably about to put up her walls in the most hurtful way she could. You knew that, but it didn't help you prepare.

"Why can't you accept that you were just a good fuck?" She spat as she glared at you. "Definitely one that I regret." You gulped as you took in the harsh reality of her words.

"Regret?" You whispered.

"Yes, y/n. I regret it. It was a mistake, every fucking bit of it." A mistake?

You didn't say anything in response to that. You were sure that even if you could think of something it would just come out as a squeak. Nat continued to glare at you in a way you couldn't hold. You glanced down at the floor, then the walls, then the punching pad and nodded quickly. You turned around and wandered aimlessly out the room as tears fell silently down your cheeks.

Needless to say things didn't get any better after that encounter. The only difference was that you were mutually avoiding each other. It hurt. A lot. You never thought you would avoid Natasha like you were. You never thought she would break your heart either.

The day of the mission didn't change anything. You and Natasha were sat as far away from each other as possible.

Only the anxiety over the mission was able to overpower the tension in the plane.

Steve had gone over the brief once more in full detail on the plane and you replayed all the information in your head until you landed. Once the quinjet had engaged its cloaking tech it landed in an open area in the surrounding forest.

You all left the quinjet in a concentrated silence as you surveyed your surroundings. It didn't take long to find the first patrolling agents in the forest that were swiftly taken out as to not alert anyone else.

The whole team was scattered across the forest from four planes in a circular layout that advanced towards the Hydra base. Even some of the best S.H.I.E.L.D agents had been brought in to assist. Steve was the first to infiltrate the base and in the least subtle way. You could hear the glass smashing and loud grunts in your coms that made you wish, not for the first time, that you could adjust the volume on those things.

You knew your route. You had it memorized clearly in your head and you also knew that some of it overlapped with Natasha's. You spotted her in your peripheral as you turned a corner to shoot at two charging agents. You leant back against the wall to reload and glanced to your left to see Natasha advancing. Stay focused. You reminded yourself.

You took a quick glance behind the corner again before looking back at Natasha who had her gun raised at you with a flightly fearing expression. Your eyes widened and you went to shout at her to stop messing around but she had already fired the gun. You heard a loud grunt and a body collapse to the floor tight behind you. You swivelled around to see a Hydra agent laying in a pool of his own blood with a handgun next to him.

"Thanks." You breathed out and started around the corner. Natasha had to take another left to the supposed data room where she could collect as much as much as could. You had to keep going but felt the sudden urge to ensure that she was safe. You looked over your shoulder as she opened the door and fired two shots before swiftly entering the room with her gun still raised.

You listened out for any more shots and heard none. She's fine. She knows what she's doing. You assured yourself as you went on.

Half an hour later the building had been cleared of all Hydra agents. Many had been captured and were had many hours of interrogation ahead of them while others hadn't been so lucky. It always weighed on you for a while when you killed as many people as you did on that mission. It was hard but it was necessary. It was the job.

The price of freedom is high. You reminded yourself. The price of freedom is high. The price of freedom is h- "Agent Romanoff is down."

"What?!" You spun around to face the building to see the room Natasha was in. It was in the center of the left side because of course you remembered exactly where she was meant to be.

You instinctively started sprinting back to the building when there was a sudden bright orange and yellow light followed by a deafening boom from the exact room Natasha was meant to be in. The explosion was quick but you got a chance to get an estimate of the scale of it and if Natasha was still in there...oh God.

"Has anyone got eyes on Romanoff?!" You demanded as you stared up at the building, finding yourself rooted to the spot.

"I got her." Steve coughed painfully. "I need a medic." He announced as he ran through the building and out the nearest exit with Natasha unconscious in his arms.

Everything else faded into the background when you saw her. The building still needed to be destroyed but you couldn't care less about the mission.

You stayed at Steve's side as he carried the readhead to the plane and laid her down gently on the bench. A medic was already there waiting and was checking Nat's vitals in an instant.

You dropped down to your knees next to her and watched her face for any signs of consciousness. When you couldn't find any you gently took ahold of her hand and laced your fingers together. You took a great deal of comfort in how warm they were and how warm you were determined for them to remain. You would kill Nat if she died on you.

Yes, she had hurt you. But you were pretty sure you were inlove with her.

You didn't let go of Natasha's hand for a long time. You held onto it tightly throughout the entirety of the flight home. You kept your fingers laced together when she was being taken to the medical wing. You held her hand for a while when they had finally settled her into a bed. She looked so peaceful in that state, you hoped it felt like that for her. She was still so beautiful too, even when she had dirt and smoke all over her before you had cleaned it all off.

You only let go when Steve practically dragged you out of the room to get some proper sleep in your bed.

You had been assured by multiple people that Natasha would be fine.

She had already been unconcious when Steve found her and was able to get her out the room before the bomb went off. It still had an impact and threw them both against a wall, but they were okay. She was okay.

You visited the redhead often but never stayed for long. As much as you wanted to, you knew she wouldn't want you there when she woke up. She had made it clear before that you had lost what you had with her, you were sure the mission hadn't changed that.

One day when you approached her room you peered around the door and saw that she was already sat up and looking around. She spotted you at the door instantly.

"Sorry." You apologised and went make a swift leave but stopped in your tracks when she spoke.

"Please don't go." She called out. You slowly turned around to face her and saw a pleading look across her face that you had never seen in her before.

You hesitated for a moment until you timidly made your way to the chair next to her bed. She watched you do so silently and anxiously, like she expected you to run out any second. You honestly thought about it, thinking another lecture was coming.

"You've been out a few days." You told her without meeting her eyes. "I was worried." You mentally scolded yourself for saying it as soon as you did, thinking that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry." She surprised you by saying.

"It's not your fault, you didn't throw the bomb at yourself." You smiled nervously.

"Not about that." Nat said quietly. "About everything else. I treated you so badly." The regret couldn't have been more clear in her voice. "I was just scared- and that's not an excuse! It's just the truth." She explained nervously. You listened intently as you stared at her duvet.

"I lied when I said it was a mistake. I lied when I said I regretted it. I lied when I said it didn't mean anything. It meant everything to me, y/n." She explained wholeheartedly as tears started to form in her eyes.

For a moment you couldn't quite comprehend what you're seeing or hearing. Natasha was letting down her walls competly. She was being vulnerable to you.

"I care about you so much. More than I've ever let myself care about anyone. I pushed it aside and tried to ignore it for the longest time but that night I caved and I...I don't know I wasn't thinking about anything other than how much I wanted to show you I cared for you. And when I thought I finally figured out a way to do it I couldn't face it after.

"You never did anything wrong, y/n. It was all me. I couldn't face my feelings but I can't stand not being with you. Is there..." She gulped as her hands trembled notably. "Is there any possibility of a second chance?" She whispered almost fearfully. You finally looked up at her and saw the tears running down her cheeks as she gazed at you like you were the only thing of any importance in the world.

You took her shaking hand in both of yours to steady it and yourself as you spoke. "No more running off?" You asked.

"No more running off." She confirmed.

"No more lying to me?"

"No more lying."

"No more being a pussy." You half joked.

"Definelty no more being a pussy." She laughed weakly.

"Okay then. Natasha, would you like to go on a date with me?" You asked with a smile you couldn't hold back.

"It would be my pleasure, y/n." You grinned and leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on her lips as you kept ahold of her hands. She smiled against you and when you moved back you saw the glint of happiness in her eyes.

Sure, you had done things in the completly wrong order. And yes, the journey to get there had been far from easy. But you swore that day that you would make sure everything after it was done perfectly.

It was a few weeks later on the night you shared your first 'I love you' that she confessed she had sworn the same thing. And it worked.

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